#spoilers! so read at ur own discretion!

[marknee]

mists of celeste

a series by @hongism: by marknee

(contains spoilers! please be wary when reading)

let me start you here, with the understanding that this isn’t - in any way shape or form - an essay, nor is it an attempt at such. i rather just want to blurt everything into writing regarding my thoughts of this incredibly crafted series, so my head may feel that bit lighter. because holy shit. i have a lot to say. and i cannot ask anything of you, but to believe me when i say i’m not one to sugarcoat my words, leaving you with only the purest of faith that everything i write here, i undoubtedly mean. with that trust in mind, i present to you a very unorganised mind dump (?) of mine from over the span of a fortnight of reading.

i had to pick this series up twice during its entirety as i had an unfortunate epiphany halfway through, and i only just registered the hefty loss i knew i was going to grieve over the moment my eyes gazed upon the last word, causing me to postpone reading as much as i could — which, if you should know, didn’t last for a full twenty-four hours either time. i managed five, perhaps six, at most.

if i had a physical copy of this series, a highlighter, and a shit ton of index tabs, i fear what would become of me. the author has this series so incredibly well written that every single sentence deserved highlighting and placing into a buzzfeed quiz titled, “choose a quote and we’ll guess the state of your mental health,” ‘cause fuck me, i had a lot of self reflection to do after some of the chapters. at least one thing is clear, both the characters and i need intense therapy. and maybe a warm bubble bath with a cute rubber duck.

however, i will spare you the sob story and list some of the quotes from this series i either, 1) cried about, or 2) added to my list of topics to bring up with my therapist when i see her next.

“constantly looking at the negatives will get you nowhere in life. just thinking: what’s going to go wrong? that’s a recipe for disaster, as is only thinking about the past. what went wrong in the past doesn’t necessarily mean that it will go wrong in the future.” — seonghwa to y/n, chapter 17.

“you love her. what is love compared to duty?” — jisung to seonghwa, chapter 33.

“you would do well not to romanticise love in such a way otherwise you will be sorely disillusioned. love contains the freedom to choose what you want without the other person making any decision for you.” — seonghwa to jisung, chapter 33.

“what makes me more deserving than the man who died for me?” — y/n to seonghwa, chapter 33.

“oh, darling, if you could see yourself through my eyes, you would know that you are the most deserving person in the universe.” — seonghwa to y/n, chapter 33.

i want to give you beautiful and happy memories, my darling. i want to see you smile everyday for the rest of my life, even if it’s just for a moment. i want so much for you, and selfishly, i want to be the one to give it all to you.” — san to y/n, chapter 41.

“in answering the haunting question of “what do you want from me”, perhaps, simultaneously, you want everything and nothing at all.” — chapter 41.

“whoever came up with the saying ‘the truth will set you free’ clearly should have left paragraphs worth of fine print detailing how atrocious and painful it would be before that freedom.” — chapter 45.

“should this be a monster of his hatred’s creation, you will put your hands to the clay and mold its grotesque features further into obscurity.” — about yeosang, chapter 45.

“do you wish for me to bear it on my shoulders so you can sleep comfortably at the devils side?” — hongjoong, chapter 47.

“if love is meant to be part of life, then why is it draining seonghwa of his?” — chapter 48.

perhaps i cried! honestly, the two most impactful quotes on this list for me were, “what is love compared to duty?” and “what makes me more deserving than the man who died for me?” i think they both represent this story in the most heart-rending, glorious and tragic way possible as everyone is trying to confront the demons of their past, but of course, there is no reward without sacrifice.

in a way, every crew member on the horizon sacrificed something — perhaps, in their own personal way but still, all their wounds are equal in validity, so they’re basically on the same playing field of what it means of sacrifice. y/n lost her memories. most of them lost their freedom. half of them were subdued to others control and dehumanised and belittled. and every backstory broke my heart the more the pieces were revealed throughout.

i’m praying as the story unfolds further, every member finds their own redemption and closure, and allows themselves the peace they’ve deserved from the very beginning — in whatever form that may take. i just want them to be happy. so, author, please leave my boys alone. they’re tired. i’m tired. my poor y/n has been through more shit than i can comprehend. we’re relying on you, love.

also, i want to lay out all my cards on the table right now and admit there are the two members i genuinely want to physically fight (fists ‘n all): yeosang and hongjoong. the pair of them i want to throw off the airlock myself, never mind them threatening to do it to me. watch me do it. firstly, starting with the former: what the fuck is my guy’s problem? i cannot count the amount of times i got punched in the gut, slammed against a wall, choked (not in that way, people), almost DIED because of this motherfucker, and for what? it’s not my fucking fault wooyoung and i are halves of one soul. like i asked for this shit? dude needs to get his shit together ASAP, and i’m not saying that for his behalf (even though i’m sure therapy would be very good for him), i’m saying it for my behalf. because best believe he tries me again, i will swing, and i will absolutely clock his crown jewels, no pun intended. i’ve been sparring with jongho recently, and he tells me i’ve gotten better. so don’t even try me, mate.

his ONLY redeeming feature and the last remaining bit of patience i have for him relies in how good he was in bed in chapter 45. that’s it. i don’t fucking blame wooyoung. for anything. because i understand it all.

secondly, the absolute audacity personified himself: kim hongjoong. him and i are on a poorly constructed rollercoaster at the moment where the worker is dozing off behind the control system. one minute, the man has me seething, and the next, i’m wildly attracted to him. and then he says something shitty and the rollercoaster starts again. they’re not allowing me off at all, so i suppose i’ll be here forever. unless… they solve their problems within the sheets. and hear me out, okay? it (kinda) worked for yeosang, so sex with the captain? how scandalous. and it would help let off some of that pent up frustration between the two of us — my frustration with him, mostly. he genuinely gets on my tits. but i love him.

(don’t think i forgot that bath scene, miss author.)

on note of that, i actually made a list in my notes app at the beginning of reading this series where i ranked how good the sex would be with each crew mate (that’s if she were to do it with all of them). however, i did remove the members we’ve already done it with, so here’s my hypothesis (of the members we still have yet to):

rank 5: mingi. cons include, haven’t actually had a proper conversation with him ever, he scares me still a bit, i wonder if he even knows my name. pros include, has the power for it, no doubt he’s probably amazing, but please take me to dinner first.

rank 4: jongho. cons include, dude is like my little brother, would be very very awkward during and afterwards, endless teasing from the others and i’m too sensitive for that right now. pros include, he’s a berserker so no doubt he has the capabilities in him, he’s not a touchy person, sigh.

rank 3: yunho. cons include, is still figuring out his feeling towards seonghwa and hongjoong, would hate to become between that, he’s my doctor so also very awkward. pros include, my man is hot as fuck, would be an absolute boss about aftercare and take it seriously (as he should), very romantic and sweet.

rank 2: wooyoung. cons include, yeosang would fuck me up, like seriously. i’d probably die. he’s half of my soul, so… no comment there. pros include, an absolute tease, the fucker, so caring, though he would definitely want yeosang there (is that a pro or con i can’t decide?).

rank 1: hongjoong. cons include, literally none. pros include, that man hates my fucking guts so no doubt i won’t be able to walk for the next month (not complaining), immediate bragging rights that i’ve fucked the scourge of the black sea yeah get fucked everyone hahaha, would genuinely ruin me, i get to sleep in the captains bed like how exciting is that? i haven’t even been in his quarters never mind his bed! will be a very interesting and intense chapter.

now, moving on to later in the series with that choice with the serum for mingi. i simply cannot fathom the amount of voice messages i recorded over this. it was gobsmacking to me that everyone was against her for wanting mingi to have a choice, instead of lacking him of such a ghastly thing apparently. she didn’t want to deprive him of making his own decisions and deciding his own fate, and the fact the entire crew got mad at her for it, knowing they didn’t even ask for his consent in the first place?! nah, i have beef with all of them at this point. literally fight me, i don’t care that you’re pirates. i’m a raging woman, i’m worse. and don’t even get me started on the jisung and hyunwoo ordeal. actually, let me start a new paragraph for this one because it’s gonna be a long one.

the whole situation is genuinely indescribable of how upsetting it was (not to me, but to y/n. well, i guess to me also, then). hyunwoo is very much worse than jisung, but jisung still fucked up from his shitty choice of decisions. y/n’s backstory is very unsettling and she’d never really had a solid ground and people to rely on, until she had her team in the military. perhaps they weren’t exactly a family, but they cared for each other. and that was enough. but, what hurts the most is she genuinely believed they were good people (i quote: “hyunwoo was like a brother to me”), trusted them wholeheartedly, openly defended them, and even spent years of her life to pardon the guy she thought died for her (ouch). in return, they manipulated her, backstabbed her to the gods, and planned on injecting her a third time to keep the good image she had of them for their own benefit— fuck me, i’m seething just writing this. however, i too, am mourning their deaths for the sake of y/n. they were the closest thing to family to her, and knowing hyunwoo had a family of his own… but, i guess the lesson we learnt here is once you make your bed, you have to lie in it.

i realise this story isn’t over yet, but so far, it was been such a incredible ride. the world-building is out of this world— can we take a moment of appreciation for the google docs of each planet? what. i’m so excited for what’s to come, but i just wanted to share everything. i have cried too many times over this series that it felt like a reblog wasn’t enough appreciation for me. i wanted to do more. my love language is words of affirmation for a reason!

main points of this rant (of sorts):

if hongjoong and yeosang piss me off any further it’s on sight. there’s nothing scarier than a woman whose been messed with for too long, i’ll tell you that.

i fucking loathe hyunwoo, and i hate jisung slightly less, but i mourn for them also. and for the sake of my own pride, i will not enclose how hard i sobbed over that scene. i will not. ever.

hongjoong and y/n need to fuck already. there i said it. the tension is too much i’m sure mingi could sense it from another fucking planet.

san and wooyoung and jongho deserve the world. i love those sweethearts. they could never do me wrong. i will love them ‘til the end of time.

the yeosang sex chapter was everything and more. etched in my mind eternally. incredible.

i’m so mad i can’t add this to my shakespeare series as it’s not a bts fanfic, but i am seriously thinking about making a series for ateez just to add this in there. should it be charles dickens or jane austen? ahh, don’t tempt me, please.

that’s it! a literal dump of my entire thought process going through this 48 chapter-ed (for now) series! i wanna take a moment to thank @hongism for spending her time writing and creating a piece of art for us. i, and many others, owe it to you :) we appreciate you so much.

if you do want to read this (if you haven’t already spoiled it for yourselves), the link is under ‘a series’ right at the top of this post. or you can go on @hongism’s account and check it out there!

thank you for reading,

nini x

[hylialight]

FANTASIA WAR INFO

i loved fantasia's war first run and after everything totk did, how can i not subject zelda to this?? as such, do to the fact there will be some spoilers for totk in regards to how zelda will appear, i've decided to put it under read more so read at ur own discretion

for general info, if anyone asks who she is aligned with, her answer will always be airaisal though she'd rather not get involved in any disputes. being reminded far too much of her world in many aspects, for the time being, zelda has taken to remaining in the forests around airaisal until she can get a bearing on herself and.......everything that's happened. she's also looking for link so if you see a blond swordsman who eats a lot, just point her in his direction

DRAKEN

yeah. this should be expected. anyways, zelda is going to be a draken for the event and it will be a combination of her human appearance mixed with her traits as the light dragon. a visual referance can be found here but i'll still list the changes below as some things will differ!

her nails have changed to claws and the skin up to her mid-forearm is actually ashy grey that fade into her normal skin color. atop her skin is a mix of white scales that also fade off. the same for her feet with scales trailing off up to her calves. her skin also has white circular markins along her shoulders and neck and cheeks.

she has longer canines now to simulate dragon fangs. neat! and yes, she also has a tail that looks much like the reference above.

yes, her eyes will be as they appear in the image! hardly human, bright in color, but are framed by gold make-up to mimic dragon-like eyelashes. and yes, the teardrops on her cheeks will stay too but me made out of a sort of sea-foam green gem

has horns just like her draconic form in totk and the tips glow while periodically the same colored light seems to circle around them

her style of dress will be much like the outfit she wore after having travelled back in time, though the jewelry and her crown have changed to better fit something of a 'light dragon'

as for her spells in this form, zelda has: blessing, light, lightning, restore, and barrier

[bakatenshii]

kicking crying throwing up falling down the stairs biting the ceiling KANTO MANJI GANG GANGBANG WHEN i swear i turn into the biggest hoe when they show up💔💔

RIGHT!! AHHHHH KANTOMANJI GANGBANG I AM WAVING MY BANKNOTES AT THE SKY I AM MANIFESTING IT FOR US!! @iwaasfairy pls. i know u said toman but....... kanto manji. faiwy will u consider it.

[a-deadly-serenade]

overall this season was pretty decent. i have some thots whats new so im gonna share them below the cut if anyone’s interested :)

so!! first off i’ll say that there were a lot of things i did really enjoy from season 4!

the action was super fun as always!! i loved all the crazy enemies and callbacks! the skeleton fight and all those little goblins they kept killing throughout were a nice touch ;) sypha’s use of her powers is INSANE her ice-chainsaw?? her WALL of fire?? electric balls?? come on. and the animation was NICE. i really wanna know who did most of the fight scenes bcuz the style is so different and it just POPS but in a really good way? 

my favorite fight has to be ofc when everyone is REUNITED yes im basic. but the THEME song going off and well, im a whore for sotn references and i CAME when i saw the leap stone ref w the winged cape or when alucard turned into a hoard of batss AND THEN HIS WOLF FORM OOOOHH BABY!!! actually episode 9 is just a straight banger.

STRIGAAA. STRIGA. oh mama i was sweating during that fight. mad kudos to her va for them growlsss

carmilla vs isaac was a lot of fun and i loved the visuals but my hype was instantly ruined when i saw her kill herself 😭but thats smth i’ll complain about later.

not all the lines were bangers, some of sypha’s swearing seemed even a bit too much at times, and it was especially jarring to be having a face-to-face death-math with literal Death and hes acting like a naughty little 5 year old thats just learnt to swear. maybe cut back on the fuck-isms? just a bit? BUT when they hit they did GOOD. “the fuck what now?” yes

ISAAC. you weren’t in this season as much but man do u still shine through. i loved his introduction back in the town where he has his night creatures digging graves and rebuilding the city 😭 and then the conversation he shares w his flyman?? obsessed.

Hector chopping his finger off and giving lenore and carmilla a good ol FUCK YOU!! as he helps isaac. we love to see it

Trevor and Sypha’s “I love you!” “I know.” <3

DEATHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

oh! alucard actually having a story & purpose in the plot? :) luv it love to see it. that being said... the Plot. 

its... ok? it’s kind of split up into 3/4 parts, as the story progresses, one eventually merges with several of the others kind of? cohesively? while leaving the other to sort itself out.

now, i didnt have too many qualms with it, it was pretty straight forward. dracula is going to be resurrected and we have sypha and trevor looking in on it, while alucard helps the nearby village and hector and isaac go on about bringing on their inevitable showdown. however, the way the story was paced and some of the decisions they made... werent so great.

st. germain for example, brought the ENTIRE momentum from the last few episodes to a halt. you have sypha and trevor fighting through heaps and heaps of monsters only to find themselves back in Targoviste where they meet the mysterious Zamfir!! and Alucard!! he’s been asked to help save this village!! all jam-packed with crazy action and animation that leaves you fired up!! and then episode 5 comes to a screeching halt and we spend nearly the entire thing on st. germain’s backstory and explaining his motives for the rest of the season

like. imma be real with you chief: he didnt need to be here lol. you could have just left varney as the main vamp in charge of bringing back big daddy drac and he could reveal to his.. idk henchmen or something that he’s death. but u gotta fill them ten 20 minute slots somehow!! he just fell so flat and unfortunately, a lot of the side-characters suffer from this this season.

i enjoyed great and zamfir, i love their desgins esp, but they really could have been fleshed out more. zamfir is shown as nothing but a spoiled brat the majority of the time she’s on screen but they wait till she’s about to die to try and turn her character around? huh? greta is given a bit more screentime but this sudden confession of feelings in the last episode felt so... huh?? why couldnt she just be dedicated to her people and show that u can love someone w/out necessarily being their partnr? i thot that was her whole thing; taking care of her people. it’s like. where did this come from. they cant have known each other more than a week at most dog 😭

it sucks they dedicated to much time to scenes that didnt really need to be there where we could have gotten this proper development, like maybe have a scene zamfir and sypha connect over struggles they’ve dealt with in the past and that has her open up about how traumatizing dracula’s attack on her city was. u could have expanded upon her role in the court and WHY she worshipped the monarchy so much instead of making it a throwaway gag about her being “crazy”. but why have that when we could instead spend the first 5 minutes of said episode watching a monotonous back-and-forth b/w varney and that big burly russian vampire who’s name im sure mor than 98% of the audience cant even remember? 

just a lot of fat that needed to be trimmed so that the actual MEAT of the story could be slow cooked to perfection. people really arent kidding when they say less is more. 

another big problem i had was there... i dont even know what to call it, re-humanization? redemption? of Lenore. like lmk if im wrong but she manipulated hector, yeah? coerced sex to slip on that ring that binds him to her?? orr whatever weird shit warren’s into. but the way they interacted, ESPECIALLY in their first major scene together was sooo uncomfortable to watch lol at first i thought perhaps hector was only playing along because well. hes enslaved to do her and carmilla’s bidding. but no, he actually LIKES her. he spares her when isaac comes around, he says that he wants to keep her as his own. and in the meantime, lenore finds time to complain to a man that’s been beaten and enslaved how upset it makes her that carmilla got angry at her 😭 or says thats she tired of isaac keeping tabs on her and wants to escape this ‘cage’. to  aman thats literally been imprisoned since youve known him 😭her death is seen as peaceful, calm, they even try and tug at ur heartstrings by swelling this sad, dramatic music as the sun rises. really? LENORE?

and carmilla’s death happened WAYY too early imo. she was the villain for practically 3 seasons and this is how she goes? isaac couldnt get more than a stab at her? his night creatures couldnt take a nibble? HECTOR couldnt even be given a chance to do somethng like come on

the resolution was... strange? it was cute!! and happy!! but i dunno if they really needed to have lisa and vlad coming back, but, like i said; it was cute! definitely not the ending i was expecting. 

i’m glad that they put their focus back on what made the show so much fun and that was the FIGHTS. they definitely helped add some much needed spice to things when scenes started to drag, but im a gal that really luvs a good story and even though reviews were raving that this season helped closed the lid on all the themes theyd been exploring, i just didnt really see that. which isnt necessarily a BAD thing, i knew i wasnt gonna find some deep introspective themes in this hack n slash horror-fantasy, its just what can turn somethng like this from an ok show to a GREAT one. 

in the end, im glad they stopped at this one and im curious to see if they really DO go ahead on making spin-offs. bcuz unfortunately, i will always be down for som new castlevania content

[justanotherwriter243]

Carnation (prt2) - Han Seojun X Reader

A/N: hi :] thank u for waiting for me. once again, this piece is from the kdrama “True Beauty”, as well as a continuation of the first part (linked below). Feel free to message me if u have a question, if u’d like to kno more about the story, or just wanna talk :D. mwah

Summary: You and Seojun reunite at school. 

Disclaimer: i’m using the names from webtoon but im following the kdrama timeline. im not caught up w the webtoon. i’m not fluent in hangul. no use of y/n. gn reader.

Warnings: spoilers for ep.8 thru the rest of the season essentially, read at ur own discretion. swearing, mutual pining, right person/wrong time, bad flower knowledge. mentions of suho/jugyeong.

Word count: 10k

prt 1 <- prt 2 -> epilogue

----

Time had passed since that weekend in the snow.

Though, your voice still echoes in Seojun’s mind.

Seojun hadn’t expected to see you so soon after your last encounter, and in his homeroom nevertheless. You, in the Saebom High uniform. Blazer unbuttoned and sweater vest neatly tucked into your bottoms. With one backpack strap on as you walked through the door, walking across the large windows, sun casting its rays onto you. You, who sat two seats in front of Suho and smiled widely as you greeted your friends. Eyes sparkling as you told them about your weekend. His breath had practically been taken from him.

Seojun came to the realization then that he didn’t pay much attention to the people he attended school with. He regretted it. Reminiscent of all the time he had wasted not getting to know you. Seojun had promised himself he wouldn’t let you be just another classmate he never truly got acquainted with. Up until recently, he had meant that completely platonically. As platonic as sneaking glances in between classes in the hallway could be.

That was until the class’ trip to the countryside. Wherein he decided he has to let Jugyeong go, gathering the kiss she and Suho shared on the trip. He knew where he stood with her and his feelings. Seojun had decided it was for the better. Besides, it had led him to discover his blossoming feelings for you. Perhaps it was the way you cheered for him when he went up to sing for their class on stage. Or the way you offered your sour flavored gummies to him on the bus.

Back then, as everyone was boarding the bus, you had noticed the gloomy look on his face. He ended up sitting next to Jugyeong, but the look remained etched onto his face. You figured if he was going to frown at something, you’d rather it be from a bittersweet candy on his tongue than a girl whose bad mood reflected his own. Maybe they had fought, maybe they were just tired. But as you leaned over the middle of the bus, holding onto the seat in front of you for support, and stretched your arm to tap on Seojun’s shoulder--you couldn’t deny the satisfaction of getting the skin in between his brows to relax, even if only for a minute.

In the time that had passed, both of you remained friendly. Eyes meeting in class and softening slightly. Low murmurs deep enough to rumble in one's chest in passing ‘hello’s’’. You did occasionally feel guilty, though. Rumors had spread about Jugyeong and Seojun being in a secret relationship. You, not understanding the circumstances, in turn, tended to not read too much into your interactions with the boy. He was just being nice, you figured. It was better this way.

Seojun, on the other hand, had been under the impression that you and Seung-joon had been dating. The number of times the two of you had been spotted together was increasing. As well as the amount of teasing from your friends.

In reality, you hadn’t made much progress with Seung-joon. That first weekend that you had met up with Seung-joon hadn’t exactly gone to plan. By the time you had found Seung-joon, it was hardly snowing anymore. More of a light drizzle than anything. Yet, the two of you sat on a cold bench anyway. Watching the dark clouds drift off and the sun appear once more. In school, he was often busy playing on the basketball team, and you were busy with the school choir. Since your schedules never overlapped, you only saw him outside of school. You frequently found yourself going to Seung-joon when you truly wanted to be with Seojun. Which only piled onto the guilt you felt.

Now, Seojun and you sat in class. Both actively resisting the urge to make your way to one another. Sitting patiently in your assigned seats as you waited for class to begin.

“Don’t look now, but Seojun is totally checking you out,”

Your head turns without a thought. In the corner of the classroom sits Seojun, one leg hanging over the other. His arms are splayed lazily on his desk, and his eyes are glued to you. A blush brushes his cheeks when your eyes meet. And yet, he doesn’t turn away.

You’re not blind to his staring. Honestly, it’s hard to be. You just question when his eyes wandered away from Jugyeong and found their way to you. Your friend pinches your thigh.

“I said don’t look,” your friend scolds you.

“Am I not allowed to glance around the classroom?” You tilt your head playfully, giving her a snarky response.

“Not when Seojun is looking at you like that,” she’s just as snippy.

“Like what? He’s just being friendly,” you shrug.

“No way,” she’s leaning forward now, voice close to a whisper, “he’s totally into you!”

You roll your eyes. Annoyed at the way your heart skips a beat at the thought. You take a peek at the back of the classroom once more, and find his eyes are still on you. You offer him a smile and his lips quirk in an awkward smile. He quickly offers a poise bow of his head and fixes his eyes elsewhere immediately afterward.

When you turn back to your friend she has a wide smirk on her face. You glare in return.

“Do you think that because you have a boyfriend now more guys will approach you?” She teases you but you don’t find the humor in it.

“Who said I had a boyfriend?” the way your voice drops tells her it's serious.

The smirk begins to fade from her face. She opens her mouth to say something but quickly closes it when she can’t find the words. She glances off to the large window to your left, searching for answers in the clouds. The gears turn in your head.

Before you can reach a proper conclusion, Mr. Han walks through the door and is starting class. Your friend jerks her body towards the front of the classroom, successfully saving herself. Your teacher begins class by saying good morning. You can make Seojun’s voice out through the chorus of monotone students. The usual conversation starts up within the class. Students don’t want to study, Mr. Han makes an agonizing attempt to cheer everyone up, and everyone cringes at the corniness.

Unsatisfied with your classmate, you lean forward and whisper as loudly as you can without getting caught. Letting her know that you are not done with the conversation.

“Did Seung-joon say something?” you ask her and her head slowly turns back to you.

Her face is distressed as she wonders if it’s the right idea to say something. Mr. Han is going on about choosing students to assign the weekly cleaning to. Everyone avoids his eyes.

“Well,” she finally speaks out, “I just heard around that you two went out,”

“Heard from who?” You’re stubborn and she’s lavishly regretting bringing up the topic.

“Just some upperclassmen,” she shrugs it off, “I’m sure the whole class heard about it, it’s not a big deal or anything--”

“Seojun,” Mr. Han’s voice echoes through the classroom. It lulls your conversation.

Seojun, whose eyes had previously been glued to your frame, is surprised when Mr. Han is singling him out. Eyes wide and searching the board for some sort of clue as to why he was being addressed in front of the entire classroom. Mr. Han is staring at him expectedly. When he doesn’t answer, the rest of his classmates’ heads start to turn.

Yours included. Wondering how Mr. Han had voiced your thoughts.

Seojun, you wondered. Had he heard the rumor, too? Did he think you and Seung-joon were dating? Did he know Seun-joon was the one you were meeting that day? Did he suspect he ruined that date?

You turn your head to view him, waiting for him to answer Mr. Han. He’s panicking, though, and you can tell he wasn’t listening to the discussion either. Your eyes meet once more and he stumbles over his words.

“What was the question?” His eyes are blinking in confusion.

A few students chuckle at his puzzlement. A sigh is heard from Mr. Han.

“You’ve got cleaning duty today, do you have a problem with that?”

Once Seojun processes the question, his instincts take over. He cooly tilts his head and winces.

“Ah, I do,” he lies, “Cram school, unfortunately,”

Seojun didn’t go to cram school. He did, however, have to pick up some medicine for his mom to help with the recovery of her most recent surgery. Unluckily for him, the pharmacy is an unyielding 20-minute walk in the opposite direction of his home. It’s times like these Seojun regrets giving up his motorcycle.

“That’s alright. Studying is important, after all,” Mr. Han wearisomely nods his head at the excuse, “we’ve got a quiz coming up,”

The class groans at the words. Their morning is burdened with the reminder of yet another grueling quiz that’ll only deter them further from pursuing higher education. And, though Mr. Han has accepted the excuse, he’s giving Seojun a warning look.

Briefly, you wonder if this has happened more than once. Wonder if while you’ve been distracted by Seojun’s drama and dating rumors, you’ve completely missed him dodging every academic duty that’s been thrown his way. Irritation blooms in your chest at the thought, and you realize you’ve never once seen Seojun get cleaning duty. His leave of absence suddenly makes you think.

“Any volunteers to take Seojun’s place?”

While Mr. Han is distracted again, you address your friend once more, needing more information.

“What did you hear about Seung-joon and me?”

She’s disappointed at the way you haven’t dropped the subject yet but knows now more than ever you won’t stand down. Hesitatingly, she tells you what she knows.

“Students were saying that Seung-joon was going to ask to be your boyfriend, but judging by your reaction I’m guessing he . . . “ the words die off.

You shake your head at your friend. Sure, the two of you hung out, but neither of you had taken it to the next step. Seojun had prevented you from doing so, and you’re sure Seung-joon noticed your hesitancy. Leaving you on a plateau of confusing, mixed-up emotions.

Mr. Han’s attention goes to your side of the classroom. Obviously taking note of your chatter.

“Suho, take Seojun’s place, will you?”

Suho, sitting a couple seats behind you, politely nods. Everyone else in your section lets out a sigh of relief having not heard their own names, you included.

“And one more student,” Mr. Han pretends to think before your name flies out of his mouth, “You two should be fine, yes?”

You don’t have time to react because another voice cuts through the classroom.

“No!” Seojun rises from his seat, chair squeaking as he does so. The class turns to him at the sudden outburst. The panic is evident on Seojun’s face as he searches for a way to fix his mistake.

“ . . . way,” he finally says, “No way, today is Monday,” He feigns surprise. Eyebrows rising and eyes nervously blinking.

“Thank you, Seojun, you may take your seat now,” Mr. Han says.

“It’s Monday, and I just remembered that I don’t have cram school on Mondays,” Seojun finally reaches a conclusion, sitting down awkwardly.

“What kind of cram school doesn’t start on Mondays?” Hyunkyu, the bowl-cut-haired man, challenges him. Seojun resists the urge to get back up and smack him hard enough to knock off his glasses.

“Which means, I can totally stay after school today to clean up,” he gestures towards you, “We both can,”

The pharmacy doesn’t close until 7 anyway, and the dusk sky looks prettier after he’s spent his day staring at you.

Mr. Han scratches the back of his neck, “Alright, Seojun and--”

“Mr. Han,” you squeak out, one hand raised slightly in an attempt to remain polite, “I hate to do this, I really do, but I’ve actually got choir practice today--”

Mr. Han cuts you off with a sigh, hands covering his face in exaggeration. Remembering the predicament you’ve told him about before. The class stills in fear that he’ll have an outburst. The silence is louder than ever as Mr. Han stays hidden behind his hands.

“Sorry,” you manage.

His hands drop and he shakes his head, “I should’ve done a better job at knowing your guys’ schedules. I am your homeroom teacher, am I not?” Nobody responds.

“Suho and Seojun will have cleaning duty today, that’s final,”

----

Suho is nowhere to be seen. It’s not too long after dismissal now, most students heading home or chatting with classmates as they walk the same way. And Seojun ends up in his homeroom classroom by himself.

Seojun thinks maybe Suho is avoiding him. Perhaps he finally got the courage to disobey Mr. Han, and decided not to show. Hell, Suho is probably with Jugyeong at the moment, spending time together behind closed doors. A more commonly occurring thing now that the two were secretly seeing each other. This left Seojun alone, standing in the back of the classroom, shoving dusty science textbooks into an equally unkempt bookshelf.

Time moves far too slow for his liking and the endless list of tasks seemingly gets longer. The ticking of the clock makes his frustration rise. As the long hand ticks 15 marks forward, Seojun has to face the reality that Suho isn’t showing up any time soon, and he’ll most likely end up cleaning the entire classroom on his own. At this rate, he could probably make it to the pharmacy before it closes, but he’d get home not too long after the sun lays to sleep for the day. He grumbles at the thought.

Seojun’s strategy to combat said thought is simple. It goes like this; Stack as many of the same books together as he can, grab them all at once, and slide them into the corresponding shelf as quickly as he can. This is the most efficient way, he decides. He makes a show of squatting as he grabs a new pile.

“Need some help with that?” You stand at the back doorway of the classroom. Your hand is gripping one strap of your backpack, a habit Seojun now picked up on with how often he looked for you when you’d walk to your seat. Which he had memorized the day he first noticed you, making note of your friendliness towards your classmates. Smiles across the board when you’d greet them all. Even Suho sparing you a nod. It made Seojun’s insides itch.

Your voice startles Seojun. It makes him turn too fast, causing his grip to loosen mid-transfer. He’s nearly dropping the textbooks. You’re quick to rush to him, though. Your feet glide across the floor and your hands fly up to stabilize the texts. You reach him just in time.

The position is awkward, though. The mound of books is tilted. Corners of books stick out uncomfortably and are on the verge of slipping out of the stack. Seojun’s hands desperately hold onto the books. Your hands are adjacent to his. Clutching where you can so you don’t drop anything, elbows stretched as you try to cover more room.

In the heat of the moment, your body has pressed itself as close as it can to the books. The rough corners press into your skin anywhere it sees fit. The same goes for Seojun. The only thing that separates you two is a cluster of An Introduction to Calculus. You knew there was a reason you disliked calculus so much.

Seojun’s pupils are blown wide and his mouth is parted. You can’t help but stare at the hair that reaches the back of his neck. It’s almost nostalgic being this close to him again. Memories of the cold that brushed your skin that afternoon, what felt like eons ago. Fingers tight and shaking to grip him closer.

He catches you staring and embarrassment floods your veins. You pull away, forgetting the mess you’re tangled in. This results in the books slipping out of place.

Seojun’s eyes widen almost comically. You realize your mistake and attempt to catch what you still can. Both you and Seojun lean down at the same time in an attempt to catch them, knocking heads in the process. You both recoil and your efforts are to no avail. The math textbooks hit the floor with loud thuds.

Maybe nostalgia is just that. Feelings of reminiscence to bring back the hammering of your heart that serve you no true purpose. You rub your forehead in defeat and avoid his eyes.

“Sorry,” you say, swallowing, “I didn’t mean to startle you,”

“It’s okay,” His own hand is rubbing at his forehead,

“What are you doing here?”

His directness catches you off guard. This was not the same Seojun that had blushed when you caught him staring this morning.

“I told Suho I would come,” And here Seojun thought Suho had finally gained some guts, “But then I got caught up in convincing my choir club to let me leave early. They all thought I was meeting with Seung-joon,”

At the mention of him, Seojun visibly deflates.

“--But I told them you were waiting for me,” you finally look at him, “And they finally let me leave,”

Seojun tries to not let your words affect him so much. He nods as he processes your words.

“I felt bad for leaving you stuck with Suho. Not that I don’t like Suho, or--or that you don’t like Suho. You two just don’t--” you stop yourself, “I just didn’t think it was fair for me not to do my part in cleaning,”

Seojun’s eyes are soft when you look at them. His face is relaxed and oddly comforting. You can’t help the way your heart rate picks up.

“Shall we get to it then?”

----

You move towards the podium at the front of the classroom, having finished putting the textbooks away as well as dusting the shelf. On the podium sits a small potted plant. Green has sprouted and you can see a hint of yellow where the flower will bloom. The soil stares at you expectantly. You spot a spray bottle on the inside shelf of the podium and grab it quickly. You’re not sure where to start but you decide to go for it. How hard could it be to water some plants, right?

The ‘pshh’ of the water makes Seojun look up from where he’s scraping gum off a desk. You try to ignore him as you aim haphazardly for the soil. It’s pointless as Seojun gets up from where he’s crouching and makes his way to the podium. He reaches you and carefully examines your actions. You look up at him, waiting for whatever he wants to say.

“May I?” his hands go up to yours, you assume he wants the bottle from you. You give him the go-ahead and start to hand him the bottle. Seojun doesn’t grab it, though. Instead, he cups his hands over yours and carefully guides the nozzle. He moves in closer to do so, his shoulder nudging with yours. You’re surprised at how natural his hands feel against yours.

“Tulips don’t need very much water,” he carefully examines the soil to see what parts are moist, “if it gets too soggy, it’ll rot”

He guides your finger to spray softly on the soil. You’re all too aware of the way his body fits next to yours.

“How do you know it’s a tulip?” you narrow your eyes and he simply uses one hand to point at where the flower is sprouting.

“The bulb,” he gives you no further explanation.

In the corner of the room, your phone goes off with a notification. The ding rings loudly in the quiet classroom. It startles you and makes you pull your hands away from his. Leaving the spray bottle in his hands.

Guilt starts to pound at your chest. You feel as if the two of you have been caught. You know it’s Seung-joon checking up on you. Yet, you don’t move to check it. Seojun glances at you, but when you don’t say anything, he decides to do the same. Paying it no attention as he focuses on the plant in front of you two.

Seojun delicately holds the long, green stem of the plant as he sprays water with his opposite hand. You watch with careful eyes as he does so, trying not to let awkwardness overtake the room. His eyes are squinted in concentration and his focus is on the potted plant. You appreciate his attentiveness.

It becomes clear to you that Seojun isn’t as intimidating as the entire school has made him out to be. Surely, he hadn’t been kicked out of school. He isn’t a gangster who gets expelled for starting fights or getting into trouble outside of school. No, he’s a teenager with an oddly large amount of knowledge of flowers. One who knows enough about greenery to tell apart nonflowering tulips and daisies, you’re sure. A young man whose only worry in the world is ensuring this very tulip gets the right amount of hydration. You think about asking him about it.

“I guess you know a lot about flowers,” you say.

Seojun’s vigilance is broken and you half regret speaking. He looks at you, lowering the spray bottle. His eyelashes look pretty from here. You panic.

“I just mean with how often you bring--”

He lets out a chuckle. Your heart skips a beat. His lips settle into a gentle smile as he lowers his body to take a closer look at the soil.

“I like to think I’m coming close to an expert,” there’s a teasing undertone in his voice and it makes you scoff.

He looks up at you and you can’t handle his long eyelashes blinking at you like that. You fail to bite back a smile so you attempt to hide it by looking away from him. He notices, though. You click your tongue.

“I wouldn’t have said it if I knew it’d feed your ego so much,” you tease back but he shakes his head.

“Ms. Yoon is the flower expert,” you meet his gaze as he explains. “She owns the flower shop I go to. That woman knows everything about botany. She’s taught me all I know. From how much sunlight a plant should get to the significance of gifting different types of flowers,”

Your mouth falls open and an ‘ah’ with it. He surely must have known what giving you carnations insinuated, then. Perhaps it's why he blushed so hard that day. You find yourself nodding as he goes on.

“If not for her,” his eyes flick back and forth at nothing in particular, “I would have killed any plant I’ve come in contact with,”

You imagine Seojun entering a flower shop. The sight is almost laughable. Probably overwhelmed as he takes in all the different colored petals that surround him. Eventually working up the courage to ask an older woman in an apron for help. A blush spreading across his cheeks as he asks what kind of flowers would be best to congratulate someone.

Your thoughts are brought back to reality as Seojun sighs deeply. Looking at the soil once more.

“You should have more faith in yourself,” you scold him.

He looks back at you with raised eyebrows. Your words contradict what you said earlier about feeding his ego. He stands easily and his presence overshadows yours.

“I have no trouble being confident in myself,” his teasing returns, “Now, we should let this soak.”

He sets down the spray bottle onto the podium. Then walks back to the desk he was working on, crouches, and starts scraping at the sticky substance under it again. You wonder again about him.

“You know, if I’m being honest,” you’re saying the words before you can give them a second thought, “I didn’t think you liked me all that much,”

Seojun’s head shoots up, his face filled with puzzlement.

“Why would you think that?”

You pick up a rag and head towards the windows, trying to distract yourself. Seojun keeps a steady gaze on you. You look away, his full attention too much for you. Embarrassment creeps up your neck when you realize you have to respond.

“Well, it’s just that,” you start wiping down the windows, “with how we ran into each other at the mall, and earlier in class today, I just kind of figured—“

“I do like you,”

Your hands freeze in place. The way the words sound on his tongue is enticing. And you find yourself enjoying them more than you think you should.

“You shouldn’t say things like that,” you swallow hard, “people will get the wrong idea,”

You do your best to naturally fall back into the work. Though it’s awkward, you continue. A particularly cloudy spot on the window gives you trouble. You use all your force to scrub at it.

“So? You’re Gowoon’s friend, we should get along,” So he had recognized you.

Gowoon and you were friendly, sure, but not enough for Seojun to have the need to be familiar with you.

“Yeah, Gowoon’s friend,” you grumble.

Gowoon’s friend. Gowoon. Not Seojun’s. Not Seojun��s friend because of course, you aren’t friends. You’ve barely had three conversations together if that. Being in the same class doesn’t automatically make you two close. Neither does what happened at the mall during the first snowfall. What happened at the mall was a coincidence. A mistake; a distraction. A distraction like the stupid stain on the window that isn’t going away no matter how hard you--

Water hits the window. It has you freezing. You’re surprised as you turn to face the perpetrator. Seojun holds the spray bottle from earlier and you can see regret creep onto his face for the second time since you’ve conversed with him. He had finished scraping under the desks.

“Thanks,” you mumble as you finally rub the spot out.

His gaze lingers on you briefly before spraying the next window pane. He’s gentle in the way he holds his own rag, Spritzing and letting the liquid drip before running the damp rag along the glass. The way his tough demeanor falls as he wipes the window has you thinking back to your thoughts at the beginning of class that day. You figure there’s no harm in asking. This way, you can confirm your suspicion.

“Can I ask you something?” You don’t bother to stop your thoughts now.

“Sometimes I speak without thinking,” he interrupts.

You’re surprised when a loud laugh leaves you. Seojun finds relief in it.

“Not what I was going to ask, but I’m glad you’re self-aware,” you relish in the playfulness while you still can, “Actually, I was going to ask you something a little more serious. This might not be my place to ask—and you don’t have to answer if you don’t . . . “

You trail off as his face falls. Like he knows what you’re going to ask. Which you think is impossible because you can hardly collect your thoughts enough to get a sentence out. Still, he looks at you as if he can read your thoughts. Seriousness falling onto his features.

“How come you’ve never had cleaning duty before,”

You both know that’s not what you’re asking. You know why he’s never had cleaning duty before. It’s because before he hardly went to school enough to be assigned to it. Even now that he was consistent with coming to school, he always found a way to weasel out of most extracurricular activities that required him to stay any longer than the average school day.

It couldn’t be what everyone said it was. That he ran around with sketchy people, beating others up and challenging students from other schools with bad reputations. There was no way Seojun could hurt a fly with the way he handled the bulbing plant. Wiped at the window. Scraped at gum, even. Motions as smooth as rocking waves, careful not to scratch the desk. The way his warm hands passed you textbooks. Fingers sweeping against yours. Bracelet shining when it caught the light--

“Gowoon’s always been better at the school thing,” he finally says, chewing on his cheek, “And I’ve always been better at taking care of our mom,”

Seojun hates the way pity fills your eyes. It’s the way everyone looks at him after they find out the truth about all his absences. Sadness combing over their body and sympathy filling their words. He half regrets the words leaving his mouth, that is until you reach up and squeeze his arm.

“Sometimes,” you speak, not quite sure if you’re going to say the right thing, but trying regardless, “the world throws things at us,” You’re not meeting his gaze, “And we can’t do anything about it except face it and bare our teeth. It’ll be painful and heart-wrenching. And it’ll feel like no one can understand what you’re going through. But that doesn’t mean you have to go through it alone,”

The moment your eyes meet his, Seojun’s breath leaves him. He feels a sudden rush of fear. Fear at the way your words comfort him more than anyone else’s ever have. Even Gowoon's and his mom’s. Maybe it’s precisely because they’re coming from you and not anyone else. The fear yanks him by his neck and makes his heart speed up. He’s overcome with the thought of kissing you, and it terrifies him.

Seojun thinks back to this morning when he saw you enter his homeroom. He couldn’t help but stare, then, at the sun-kissed skin that he caught flashes of behind your collared shirt. Swallowing as he remembered how close you two had gotten that day outside the mall. Enough so that he could smell your perfume through the humid air. It was sweet and alluring. It fit you well. If Seojun concentrated hard enough right now, he’s almost certain he’d be able to smell it again.

Seojun is afraid at the thought. He quickly takes a step back, causing you to drop your hand.

“I know,” he brushes it off, “I--thank you,”

Your brows furrow sweetly.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to--”

“It’s okay,” he’s quick to reassure you, “My mom--she’s--she’s better now. She spent some time at the hospital and is recovering well,”

Relief floods your system.

“That’s good!” you’re too loud, “That’s great, um, must be why you returned to school, huh?”

You feel silly at your previous attempt to comfort him. He didn’t need to go through things alone, of course, he didn't. He has actual friends and family, after all. Gowoon and Jugyeong, Chorang—

You self consciously run your fingers through the rag still in your hands. Mind whirling through ways to make conversation.

“Yeah,”

Don’t let the conversation die. Don’t let the conversation die. Don’t let the conversation--

“Oh,” you speak, “that must be why you visited that flower shop to begin with,”

His eyes are narrowing and his lips quirk up.

“That and I wanted to congratulate Gowoon for making the choir club,”

You’re startled at the way his tone turns into a light, feathery one.

“Sorry, I guess sometimes I speak without thinking, too,”

Now, it’s his turn to laugh loudly.

----

The sun makes its way lower and lower as you and Seojun finish cleaning up the classroom. Double-checking books and gathering up all the trash as you two work in comfortable silence. The only thing left on the list is to lock up and properly dispose of the two garbage bags sitting in the corner of the room. You’re a little sad to see your time together is coming to an end. You stall by going over the to-do list, humming as you pretend to think.

“I think that’s all for today,” you sigh out.

Seojun comes in close and examines the list over your shoulder.

“Guess so,” his voice rings in your ear.

Your hands tightly clutch at the clipboard that holds the list, bare nail beds on display. Your thumb brushes over the paper, self consciously.

“Should we take out the garbage--?” you’re asking, turning your head over your shoulder to look at Seojun. His face is much closer than you anticipated, nose mere inches from yours. You’re both surprised by the sudden invasion of space. The two of you quickly pull back, embarrassed.

“Sure,” he mutters.

Both you and Seojun gather your things in silence.

“Alright, let’s go,” He makes a beeline for the exit, grabbing one of the bags as he does so. You rush to grab the other garbage bag and lock up the classroom. You have to jog a little to catch up to him, already nearing the end of the hallway.

“Is your boyfriend not walking you home today?” he says it nonchalantly, but the fact he’s noticed Seung-joon says he’s been paying attention to the two of you. You make your way down the stairs.

“My boyfriend?”

“Yeah, that guy,” he grips the bag tightly, “What’s his name, Seung-min?”

A smile spreads across your lips. It’s ironic. Considering all that differentiated their names was a single character, you found it hard to believe he didn’t know Seung-joon’s name. A little round circle that effectively changes the way your tongue shapes the words. A mere consonant separates the two boys.

“Seung-joon doesn’t walk me home, just to the bus station,” you state calmly, “And he isn’t my boyfriend,”

“Isn’t he?” Seojun attempts to speak in an indifferent tone, but his face betrays him.

“No,” your response is immediate as you reach the bottom of the stairs, slowing when you’re unsure of which hallway to walk down. Seojun makes the decision for you when he turns left. The longer way, you note.

“Don’t you two spend most of your time together?”

“Not necessarily,” You speak carefully, “He’ll walk with me when he can and texts me throughout the day,”

“Why don’t you tell me what you think a boyfriend is supposed to do,” Seojun is teasing you now. Glancing at you way too often for him not to care, you think.

You‘re rolling your eyes lightheartedly. Shaking your head, you explain.

“Just because we text doesn’t mean we’re dating. Dating someone is more than that. It’s going out of your way to make time for them. It’s listening and communicating with one another. Someone who is comforting, but still scares you a little.“

Seojun chuckles at the thought.

“Seriously! Someone whose name gets you excited. Makes you feel–”

“Safe,” Seojun finishes.

Heat rushes through your body as you force yourself down from your soapbox. You reach the end of the hallway and turn a corner.

“Yeah,” you mutter quietly, the back exit door getting closer and closer.

Though you’re embarrassed, you have to admit that you don’t want your time with Seojun to end.

“Seung-joon,” you hesitate, treading ahead decisively, “He doesn’t do the things he does because he feels that way,”

“Has he told you that?”

“He doesn’t have to,”

You pause to walk out the single exit door. You go through first and hold the door for Seojun, he simply looks at you. Staring from the other side of the doorway. The air is fresh and you try not to shiver as he does so.

“What?” You ask him, tightening your own grip on the garbage bag.

“Is Seung-joon the one who called you that day?” That day at the mall, weekends ago.

You hesitate, but answer with a soft, “yeah,”

“And he’s been texting you,” he tilts his head toward your backpack, where your phone resides. Referring to earlier when your phone had gone off.

“Yeah,” you echo.

“Maybe you should have more faith in yourself,” the line repeated at you sounds foreign.

He smoothly walks out of the building and makes his way toward the large trash can towards the back of the building. Leaving you holding the door, staring dumbfounded.

“What do you mean?” You jog to catch up to him, the garbage bag rattling in your hand.

You’re reaching the dumpsters all too quickly. Seojun lifts the lid of one and swings his bag up and into it. Then, he turns to you, hand-stretched out expectantly. Your face is heating up as it takes you a second to realize he’s asking for your own garbage bag.

“Is it that unlikely that he likes you?” He says as he disposes of the bag.

“Nobody’s ever shown interest before,” you tell him, and he looks back at you with his eyebrows raised. Almost like he’s saying, “Really?”.

Maybe he had seen the way boys flocked at your feet. Maybe he had made notice of your friendliness. Maybe he was curious about you. Your knees nearly buckle at the thought. You shrug, kicking at your feet as you realize you’ll have to say goodbye soon.

“Not seriously, at least,”

He hums at that, eyes narrowing.

“Is someone picking you up?” He asks, hands in his pockets, wanting to move on.

“No, I take the bus,” you tell him, “is someone picking you up?”

He shakes his head, lips pursed pensively.

“Shall I walk you?”

“Which way are you walking?”

You both flush. You point first in the direction you're going. Seojun’s house is the opposite way. However, it’s the very course Seojun must walk to the pharmacy. Down the narrow path that wraps around the school. Towards the front. There, a bus station sits two blocks down the road from the main entrance. As you both begin to walk that way, you enter a passageway with high walls and hardly enough walking space for one person.

But instead of Seojun staying behind or walking in front of you, he stays close by your side. It makes your arms rub uncomfortably, but it brings you warmth so you stay like that.

“I’d give you a ride on my motorcycle, but I stopped driving it,” he rubs his neck sheepishly, scrunching up his long arm to reach.

“Oh, that’s right,” you recall, “because of your girlfriend,”

Your statement is meant to be teasing, but you can’t help the slight jealousy that leaks from it. Seojun quickly turns to you, stunned at how you know that.

“Who--?”

“You kinda gave her your keys in front of the entire class,”

You remember the day, long ago, Seojun walked into class and dropped his keys on Jugyeong’s desk, rumors quickly spreading as she tried to return them. The whole school speculated over them.

“Oh,” he remembered, “right,”

His eyes glance at your side, trying to read you.

“She’s not my girlfriend, though,” he told you and you hum in disbelief, “Really--my mom just asked her to look after me,”

He’s digging his own grave. Seojun can tell you don’t believe him, so he goes on.

“There’s nothing going on between the two of us,”

You look up at him, face unreadable.

“Hey, my lips are sealed,” you arch an eyebrow, tempting him. You want to hear him say it. You need to, “Just because I don’t have a partner doesn’t mean you can’t,”

“Seriously,” he defends himself, “It’s kinda like what you were saying,”

The two of you turn quiet as the statement settles in. Like what you were saying about Seung-joon. It’s unreciprocated. Hollow, in your case. Maybe the two of you were destined to fall in love with people who didn’t feel the same. It was comforting to know Seojun was going through the same thing you were. You hum at the thought.

“It’s different, though, no?” you wonder, “Jugyeong seems to like you enough,”

“Seung-joon seems to like you, too,” he counters.

“It’s just that—“ you chew on your cheek.

“It’s just that?” He bumps into your shoulder teasingly. Your opposite side rubbing against the wall.

You glance at him and sulk. You didn’t like the butterflies that started in your tummy. And you definitely didn’t want to keep talking about Seung-joon. But something about Seojun’s presence was so comforting, and maybe you hadn’t been imagining the jealousy behind his words. Maybe if you pushed him a little further, you could test the grounds, feel him out.

“I heard around that Seung-joon was going to ask me out,” you finally tell him.

It’s hard to decipher the look on Seojun’s face.

“Officially, I mean” You explain.

Guilt creeps up Seojun’s neck. He tries to move further away from you, but considering the narrow pathway, it doesn’t do much.

“But, you know, to be honest, I don’t think he actually wants to,” you admitted, “Which I know sounds stupid because he’s the one who approached me, but I don’t know—I,” you trail, “I’ve never felt at comfortable with him, I guess?”

Seojun looks over at you with sad eyes.

“It’s not stupid,” it comes out soft.

“You don’t have to pity me,” you scoff.

“I’m not,”

His tone is genuine. Everything about Seojun invited you in, eased your mind. The way his eyes turned soft and the way his lips would hang ever so slightly open. When his warm body would turn towards you and unconsciously lean your way. It was so contradictory to the way you and Seung-joon interacted. The very juxtaposition made both your head and heart spin.

Especially on that day where you had met up with Seung-joon after the snow. You explained to him that you had gotten lost on the way, but you could tell he knew it was a lie. That was your first mistake. Your second was thinking about Seojun for the remainder of your date. Quietly sitting, staring at the sky, wondering if Seojun had run after Jugyeong. Said date took notice of your distracted mind and ended the date early saying he had homework to do.

“He hasn’t even attempted a kiss,” you huff out, not realizing you were getting lost in thought. Seojun’s brows furrowed.

The two of you turn the corner, finally freeing yourselves from the narrow passageway. You can see tall, thin trees start to appear more frequently. Its pigmented leaves contrast it. The sidewalk is large now. Yet, the distance between you two is unchanging. You take uneven steps, purposely causing you to bump into Seojun. It gives you an excuse to keep brushing your arms.

“Seojun?” You ask him and he hums, “You’re a man, right?”

That was reassuring.

You notice the change in his stance and you take it as a sign that he’s offended.

“I mean—“

A soft ‘ne’ falls from his lips. You quickly look at the side of his face, hoping to catch his eyes, but they’ve focused straight ahead on the pathway. This was it.

“Would you kiss me?”

Seojun almost trips when you ask the question. He catches his feet but stops in his tracks. You stop next to him and he doesn’t know if he wishes you were closer or further from him.

“What?” He turns his body to face you and your eager eyes await him. Air stops reaching Seojun’s lungs.

You’ve walked further down the path now. The colors of fall compliment your skin. The white trunks speckled with brown line the wide sidewalk. Yellows and reds litter the floor. Leaves that crunch under your feet. The setting sun rests softly in the distance. Its warmth leaves you, but Seojun doesn’t feel the cold.

You stand with your hands clutching at your sides. They shiver in the cold air. They stubbornly refuse to grab the mittens inside of your backpack. Too impatient to bother, and not willing to cross your arms for warmth. Your eyes are unmoving. They still patiently as you wait for his answer.

Suddenly, Seojun wishes he could take your picture whilst you’re looking at him like this. With your shivering hands and restless thoughts. Eyes shining as they reflect the sun back to him. He knows, though, that he wouldn’t be capable of capturing your beauty.

It wouldn’t hurt to try.

“Would you have made a move by now?” Your stare is intimidating.

What was Seojun supposed to say? That he did want to kiss you? That he’s wanted to kiss you since your eyes first met? That his heart does backflips and his mind goes blank whenever you ask him questions like these? Because they do. And he does.

Seojun’s tongue clicks against his teeth and he forces his lungs to breathe once more.

“Are you asking me what I would do or what I would do if I was Seung-joon?”

You think for a second. The wind picks up.

“If you had watched the snow with me--”

“We did watch the snow together.” he doesn’t miss a beat and it makes you think again.

“I mean if you were Gu Seung-joon,” you miss the way his eyes squint in annoyance, “And we had planned to watch the snow together. Would you have kissed me when we finally met?”

The birch branches shift around you as a breeze blows through the air. Muted yellow leaves cascade from them and are blown into the sky. Nature scatters dead leaves on the dirt-covered sidewalk. They dance as the wind touches them, twirling as they hit the ground.

They remind you of the snow that day.

“Not if you didn’t want me to,” Seojun finally answers.

“Do you think it seemed that way?” You’re puzzled. Seojun bites on his cheek.

“From what you told me,” his eyes wander from yours, “didn’t it?” You’re silent, and Seojun doesn’t wait to see if you’ll speak, “What about you? Why haven’t you kissed him? What’s holding you back? I thought you liked him,”

You breathe. Your eyes don’t move from his. The leaves twist and turn around him. You wonder if he’s cold.

“I guess my heart was still holding out for someone else,”

The features on Seojun’s face soften. His eyebrows unfurrow and he realizes how tense he’s standing. Shoulders scrunched up anticipating your next words. Teeth grinding unconsciously, making a pang of pain start towards the back of his head. He has to make himself take in air.

His lips part to exhale and you watch as the cold air comes out of his pretty lips. Your eyes stay on them. You may do something stupid if he doesn’t close them soon. It’s only when the cold air wisps through the air again that they close. Your eyes hurry back to his.

His heart stutters. Wind blows his hair out of his face and he resists the urge to fix it. His forehead is on display and he hopes he isn’t blushing. Could you have been talking about him? He felt stupid as his blood pounded harder at your words.

“Then you should talk to Seung-joon,” he pulls his gaze away from yours and decides to keep walking.

You, however, don’t move. You watch as his feet lift off the floor, one after the other. Leaves parting to make way. The cold air makes a shiver run through your spine. It tickles the back of your neck and itches your scalp. You’re chewing on your bottom lip and you know you should stop. But when he finally notices you’re not following him and turns back, you bite harder. The wind is making his hair go everywhere now.

“What about you, then? If—“ you hesitate, “If there were no conditions?”

If things were different; if he wasn’t into Jugyeong, and you weren’t into Seung-joon. The leaves continue to float around him. Time slows as you wait for him to say something. Your entire focus is on him.

“Would you have kissed me?” The question is repeated, but it holds a different weight now.

“It doesn’t matter,”

Rejection is so much worse than you can ever imagine. You’re expecting it. He said it himself, you two should get along, as friends. No more than that. It’d be betraying Seung-joon, who had approached you at the bus stop. He had been patient with you when you were late to watch the snowfall. Understanding, even, when it comes to your hesitance. Seung-joon and you were meant to get to know each other and eventually date.

But something about the way Seojun’s name fit with yours made your heart skip a beat. When he’d stare at you like you were the most important person in the world. And speak to you with kindness you’ve never heard from him directed towards you. Having him say those words of denial had you breaking you out of delusion.

The perfect fantasy world where the only thing you ever had to think about was your happiness. Where you could watch the snowfall with whomever you wanted. And not stress about studying hard and getting good grades.

“If not for the conditions, we wouldn’t have been in the situation in the first place,” he swallows, “It’s pointless to wonder what could have been,”

He tells you what you think you want to hear. What he thinks is best. He knows that before that weekend under the snow, he most likely wouldn’t have given your existence a second thought. He’d think of you as just another singer in his sister’s club. An acquaintance. Another student living in the background of his life. An extra in the scenes that took place in front of his eyes.

You liked Seung-joon. He was the reason you were at the mall that day. He’s the man who you were supposed to fall in love with. Watch the snow with. You’re supposed to go to Seung-joon’s basketball games and he’s supposed to go to your choir concerts. Seojun had come in and ruined it for the both of you. Guilt ate his stomach for stealing the experience from you. What was worse, he kind of enjoyed the feeling he got whenever he was near you. A part of him wondered what it’d be like to like you, and have you like him back.

“Right,” You seemingly shrugged it off.

Your response was casual. It was the correct response. It was the only response you could’ve given to his harsh one. Seojun hadn’t expected anything else. So, why had it made him feel worse? Strings tugged at Seojun’s heart. He couldn’t help but feel selfish as he wished for more from you. He liked Jugyeong. No--he likes Jugyeong. He went to a baseball game for her with Suho. If that doesn’t speak volumes he doesn't know what will.

If that was the case, though, why had he been so eager to spend the afternoon with you? This was turning out to be one big, confusing mess and it was making Seojun’s chest ache. He thinks he might end up chasing it if it means he can see you more often.

You stand a few feet from him. Your hands are shaking, and you’re not sure if it’s from the cold or the nerves working their way through your body. Regardless, you smile softly at him. It’s a sad smile. Full of what-ifs and lingering what could have been’s. It’s accepting.

It catches him off guard, and it’s surprisingly contagious. Seojun would smile back if he wasn’t terrified.

In a split-second decision, Seojun decides to not let it overtake him. To be selfish for once in his life. This time, he is the one yanking terror by its neck. And, rather than letting it lurk over Seojun, he’s going to; force it under his feet, and ride it.

“Instead,” your smile falters as he keeps talking, ”you should ask me what kind of flowers I’ll bring to your next performance,”

The stretch of skin around your mouth morphs. The ends go straight and your bottom lip drops ever so lightly. All of your muscles freeze, and you don’t dare try to move. Seojun is starting to wonder if he’s made a mistake when you finally find your words.

“And what kind would that be?” you’re scared.

“Arbutus,” he doesn’t hesitate, “Pink,”

You blink. Arbutus. Arbutus. You rake your brain for any information you have on the flower and come up blank. You can hardly remember what they look like if you’re being honest. The confusion must show on your face because Seojun starts walking towards you.

His hands are in his pockets, and his eyes are on you. He doesn’t stop until his body is almost pressed right against yours. Mere inches are left. You can hear his clothes rustle. You breathe an all too audible breath and you can’t stop it from escaping your lips not too long after. The air turns white around it and it blows straight into Seojun. His adam apple bobs. He swallows in his already dry mouth. The cold air is no longer noticeable as your bodies are lending each other heat.

“What do those mean?” You can’t help it when your voice trembles.

You’re staring at one another. You’re standing so close. A voice in the back of your head thinks maybe you should take a step back. But your body is screaming at you to close the distance. You know already there’s too much at risk.

And yet the only thing you can concentrate on is Seojun’s proximity to you. The way his eyes are looking at you. The way he’s slowly bringing himself closer. The way the wind blows his hair back, his eyes narrowing. The way his head is moving towards yours. Turning to fit yours. The way you could press your lips to his if you simply tilt your head ever so slightly to the—

“I love only you,”

Seojun pauses. He’s motionless, still. His body occasionally brushes against yours. You’re borrowing the other’s air. Practically exchanging air into each other’s mouths. Stealing as much oxygen as you can from the other.

You realize that he’s waiting for you. He’s wanting to make sure you’re okay with this. Your heart flutters at the thought.

“We shouldn’t,” an obligatory statement that must be said.

“Hm?” his nose brushes yours. Your skin tickles at it.

“You like Jugyeong--”

“You like Seung-joon,” his breath makes shivers go down your spine.

You’re not sure if either of you are truthful.

“I--Can I kiss you?”

A nod, and a hum of conformation.

Your lips hold his. Immediately, the feeling is all-consuming. An overload of senses. You’re all too aware of how awkwardly your hands hang on your sides. His hands hover over yours. They reach out to kiss his palms to yours. You no longer worry about whether or not your nails are bare.

The wind picks up around you. It blows loose leaves on the floor, brushing your ankles. Scattering them across the floor. The setting sun shines brightly in the distance. The sky bleeds orange-pink hues. One color fading into the other.

Having Han Seojun for this chilly afternoon is all you’ll ever need if it means you can feel his lips pressed against yours for the remainder of it. It's awkward and a little bit clumsy, but all in all, the kiss only makes you want to learn how to better shape your lips to fit his. All the flips your stomach is doing don’t bother you anymore with the way his thumb traces patterns on your hand. Souls mending as your bodies melt into one.

You can taste the mashed potatoes he had for lunch on his tongue, and you wonder if he tastes the cherry soda you had. All while he can only focus on how well he can smell your perfume perfectly from where he stands, leaning against you. Only cementing the aroma in his mind.

At this moment, the two of you desperately need each other. Almost like finding a piece of yourself you never realized was missing. Your other half, an extension of yourself, flaws and all. There’s nothing the two of you can’t share with the opposite. You know you can’t come back from this kiss, you’ll regret it the moment you pull away. So, right now, you desperately need to stay like this, clammy hands clutching him tightly, rough teeth bumping together.

That’s why, when he finally pulls away, your head falls onto his chest. It rapidly rises and falls as he catches his breath.

“Don’t hang out with Seung-joon anymore,” He almost whispers,

You lift your head, face heating up at his swollen lips. Shock showing on your face, “What?”

What he wants to tell you is: “Watch the snow with me, nobody else. Because I can’t bear the thought of you standing under the snow with someone who isn’t me. Not with Seung-joon--not with anyone,”

But all he can do is swallow hard.

He likes you so much and it’s horrifying. Because Seojun doesn't think he’s ever felt this way for anyone--and so quickly, too. But he doesn’t want to scare you off. He’s missed his chance with Jugyeong, he knows that. You both mean a lot to him. Now, the question is, who means more? Does it matter when Jugyeong has moved on? Have you? Assuming you return his feelings. You must. Otherwise, you wouldn’t have exchanged spit with him, surely. All of this thinking is making Seojun’s head pound. But perhaps that’s just all the blood rushing to his face.

Seojun is willing to put his old feelings for Jugyeong aside for you. To be ready to love you, at full capacity. Isn’t that what love is? Being willing to put his heart on the line regardless of what the end result will be? Seojun isn’t sure he knows what love is. But he does know that when you stare at him his chest swells so badly it hurts.

“I can’t be friends with you,” his eyes won’t meet yours, “I can’t be just friends”

His hands start to pull away from yours, but you quickly grab them. You can feel the sweat of his palms.

“Seojun, I like you” You reassure him, and his eyes quickly come up. The golden-brown irises shine brightly as they reflect the setting sun, “But I’m not sure if I can be more than friends with you right now,”

Just as before, that sad smile returns to your face. Your eyes are soaked in melancholy. He nods in dejection. You speak slowly. As if you’re saying things aloud as they come to your mind.

“But if, after we’ve--,” broken up with other people, “--settled things amongst ourselves, if you’d like to give me flowers after a performance, I would gladly accept them. Or I can get you flowers, too! What was that shop you mentioned? I can find some pink flowers--arbutus,”

You’re rambling, but all Seojun can do is smile. Walking to the pharmacy will be no trouble now that he knows you’re willing to be his.

“I’d like that,”

.

.

.

.

.

----

epilogue

if u’ve made it this far ty for reading I appreciate u. i let my perfectionism get the best of me, but here it is! lmk what u thought, luv y’all.

tags:

@sftpjmn @dramasmarvel @marylimlp @shawkneecaps

[exilethegame]

Hello! I'd like to ask that if any, what were ur inspirations for the ROs?

This spiraled out of control so sorry about that lol

All the characters were just based off general character types that I thought would play well off each other. In the first doc ever, Nikke's written as "The Rogue," Syfyn "The Defender", Sabir "The Diplomat", Amilia "The Bard", Vethna "The Sorcerer", and Freedom written as the infamous question marks. So when you look at the ROs in that sense, you can see they all fall into the traditional fantasy travel party.

I wouldn't say there are any major spoilers below, but it is tackling the characters and how they were created/the major themes of their story. So read at your own discretion!

Vethna

I mentioned this a lot in the early days of this blog, but Vethna was based on one of my DND NPCs named Blaire. Their appearance basically stayed the same, but their personalities are sort of mirrored. Same themes, different ways of being told and with different morals.

I wanted to tackle the idea of coming from a family that you love dearly but that holds different values than you, and the idea of growing into an individual whose ideals differ from what you were raised to believe. I also wanted to toy around with the idea of the cliche "pretty" character-- something that both Vethna and their counterpart, Blaire, deal with.

Vethna's spent their entire life being groomed by everyone around them-- and there's a part of them that's desperate to be free, and another part that thinks they're incapable of doing so. That insecurity and desperateness drive 90% of Vethna as a character. It's safe to say that their biggest enemy in the entire book will inevitably be themself.

Syfyn

For Syfyn, I really wanted a strong, female character where her strength wasn't presented as the main thing about her. She's a woman, she's a badass, and she's also just a human being. I also wanted to focus on someone who's more of a follower and an observer as opposed to someone who prefers to be the leader/in the spotlight.

A difficult phenomenon we see a lot is people conforming, and people conforming to do bad things. That's something I wanted to toy around with. I wanted to make a character who does bad things for no reason other than they were told to do them. I wanted to toy with morality-- how many bad things can a good person do before they, themself, become a bad person? Were they ever a good person to start with?

Nikke (+ Jost)

Nikke is really based on the feeling of anger and a few people I know in my life along with myself. He's an emotionally removed, bitter, angry person, but also has a good heart, and is looking for something in others that he needs to find in himself. Nikke isn't trying to find a theme so much as he's an exploration of a very certain kind of people I've dealt with a lot in real life.

I've dealt with a lot of anger from others-- it can be dangerous, scary, abusive. It's also necessary and can be healing. A lot of Nikke as a character is based on his father and sister. His father represents one kind of anger, Jost another, and Nikke a third. I think they'll become obvious as the story continues.

As for Jost... I don't know. Nikke was in my head, and then there was Jost, and I just knew I couldn't separate those two. Nikke and Jost are direct parallels to each other. Jost was really created to be the opposite of Nikke, but that led to her being a very bitter, insecure character as a result. And then I realized the same thing would happen in real life if everyone was comparing someone to someone else-- they'd become angry and desperate to prove themself as different.

So that's what Jost is, I guess... and you'll see in-game just how far she's willing to go to try and prove that.

Amilia

Oh god. Me creating Amilia was really a dumpster fire because I went about it completely wrong. I started with the cliche, "sweet, naive, quirky character" because it's something I've never written before-- for good reason, I guess. I thought I was going to strangle myself trying to write her because she felt really shallow and confusing.

It felt like I couldn't get her characterization right. In one scene she would be super outspoken and bold, in another she would be shy and easily shaken. Then it all clicked and I realized she didn't have to be one or the other but rather both, and from there it was just sort of connecting all the dots as to why a character would be that way.

Amilia can be hard to read and confusing and that's probably because she was that way to me, too. I didn't know what or who she was until recently. So her character became a summary of that. I think we've all had a moment where we wanted to be two, completely opposite things at once, and I think Amilia as a character aims to capture that experience.

Sabir

Honestly, I think I'm still figuring Sabir out. He really just started out as the good guy-- the one person who's good for the sake of being good-- because I thought the story really needed someone like that.

I've toyed with a lot of backgrounds for him, and none of them have felt quite right yet, so I guess that's still something I'm trying to figure out. I wish I could say more about him-- but alas.

Freedom

This is kinda weird but I had the weirdest dream in the history of ever about a year ago. It was the most vivid dream ever (I still remember it perfectly), and it was basically about gods and God, and humanity. There was this character in said dream who is basically just Freedom.

I couldn't get them (or the dream) out of my head, so I decided to incorporate the entire dream itself into the story.

Other than that... Freedom as a character stems from two other things-- another DND character and my love for vampires. The DND character is a Yuan-Ti named Zhoka, who will likely make an appearance in a future story. They're long-lived, ancient, and kind of a bitch, and I incorporated a lot of those elements from them into Freedom's personality (being languid, carefree, viewing mortals as a small blip). As for vampires... I like Anne Rice vampires. Melancholic, immortal, lamenting over said immortality. I wanted a character where I could play around with those themes myself, so I made one.

The joys of being an author, I guess!

Sorry this got really long. I like exploring characters and their dynamics.

[simplog]

ok i guess this is a slight spoiler for unordinary ep 261..? not rly but still warning

so yeah read at ur own discretion

lmao

[z3nitsusgf]

hte moment i saw your post about arcane i had to come to your inbox and babble about arcane because i love it so much oh my god

ALSO theres going to be alot of arcane spoilers so !!

FIRST THE ANIMATION IS SO GOOS?? IM SO INLOVE oh my god riot did so well with this Omfg AND arcane season 2 is in the making and IM SO EXCITED HOLY SHIT

NEXT CAITVI?? oh my god im absolutely so gay for them especially vi omg Oh my god shes so fine and Caitlyn i want them to Just sandwich me PLEASE

AND AND VIKTOR oh my god i love my boy so much his story really touched me and i feel so bad for him bc of what happened w sky </3

AND JINX im so ?!-?-$ CONFUSED AB MY FEELINGS FOR HER VERY MIXED FEELINGS ATM!! but i really just wanna give her a hug, she went through so many things and she didn’t deserve that ): AND SILCO TOO i really feel like he didnt take jinx in to exploit her and use her as a weapon yk but took her in as a daughter and i was just shattered when the scene where silco died n he said that jinx was perfect IM SOBBING

OF COURSE EKKO TOO i love the boy so much hes so pretty oh my

OVERALL IM JUST SO HAPPY W ARCANE i love it so much oh my god ANYWAYS WHATS UR OPINION ON ARCANE !!

— 🍒 [ sorry if its a bit long Um .. I just love arcane alot ]

MAJOR SPOILERS under the cut for arcane league of legends, so if you haven't finished or still want to watch - please read at your own discretion. (Also it’s hella long I’m so sorry about that, I love this show sm 😭)

Animation- I absolutely loved the styling and design that riot picked for animating arcane, it was not only so beautiful to look at - it was a breath of fresh air in comparison to other animated shows that are out there. It's fluid and fun and just so fucking cool, I know it’s kind of a marketing ploy but goddamn does it make me want to play league of legends.

You’re right, they nailed the animation and details in the show, down to the coloring of the stained glass and the lights reflecting off the wet ground in the undercity, it’s stunning. Character design and atmospheric worldbuilding are a big deal to me when I watch animated shows, if the design is [to be quite blunt] ugly, then I don't watch - or I don't make it very far in the show because it is distracting it me when the show is, in my opinion, ugly or poorly done.

So shows like Big Mouth are really hit or miss - the crude humor plays up the even cruder design of the show and it gives me second hand embarrassment that makes it impossible to get through.

CaitVi >>>> for the fucking win. Good representation of Sapphic and LGBTQ relationships and community without making it a big deal or making it queerbaiting, I adore it. Cait is also just a great character, she makes you understand the topside and even sympathize with it - and you can't help but drool at how hot the two of them are. Vi is a brilliant design and her parallels to Vander and Powder are fucking heartbreaking, the way you can just tell she aches and burns to reconcile (all over a misunderstanding) and she knows that it’s too late, just ugh 😣.

Jinx - the discussions of grief, found family, depression, PTSD are all so intricately woven into the story with Jinx/Powder's plotline and her character arc with Silco and her refusal so let go of her past with those words Vi said to her that night. Her plunging mental state that worsens each arc and we can see her diving into that pit of lonely self hatred that breeds nothing but pure destruction. (The details of her recreating Mylo and Clogger in her room also pack a sickening punch) 

God and the the turmoil Arcane does of getting you attached to these minor characters and then ripping them away from you is brutal. Mylo and Clogger’s death was so sort of expected but it wasn’t ya know? And knowing they were on the brink of escape if Powder hadn’t used the tech makes it so much more painful, I think I was screaming at my TV for a solid 10 minutes lmao. And the brutality that is Silco when he stabs Vander in the back - because it whats he’s always needed to do, and what he’s always wanted to do, but you still hold your breath because god, how could Vander die too?

Silco is another amazingly crafted villain. In the beginning, I thought Silco was sort of grooming Powder to be his weapon, and at moments I think it definitely felt that way, he took advantage of her when she was most vulnerable and broken and molded her to be this vindictive and sadistic version of her former self. Not to mention he calls her Jinx - the very reminder of her failures and that she’s been abandoned. 

Arcane as a whole does a brilliant job of weaving every story together and not leaving a single character out, it makes you invested to the max. Like with Councilor Madarda, I’ve grown to absolutely love her and root for her and wish her everything she wants with Jayce and her family.

Viktor - And god, Viktor my sweet boy makes me want to hug him and fucking show him he’s worth so much more - he’s so incredibly sweet and good, and I think the scene with Sky shows that he’s not a bad person and his intentions aren’t bad at all.

[ryttu3k]

Hello naughty children it's Gehenna time.

...which means I'm going to read the book properly this time and write notes on each scenario, partially for my own reference, partially in answer to an ask from @rayshell22livejournalcom​ from about a zillion years ago. Sorry about that!

Mood soundtrack: Godspeed You! Black Emperor - F# A# ∞; Lift Your Skinny Fists Like Antennas To Heaven; Yanqui U.X.O.

Prelude: Netchurch is an interesting character. Very skeptical, despite, well, the entire setting, although that's definitely, uh, broken by the end. Feel very sad for Afifa, who was a pawn in all this. Creepy babies galore!

Introduction: "While Vampire favors that futile, tragic, and - we'll say it - angst-heavy conclusion" - lmao you don't say. Although I do like how they have the consistent golden rule that if you don't like it, just ditch it! (Of course, the Gehenna scenarios as a whole have been completely retconned anyway by v20 and v5, so this entire book is a good example of taking what you want from it and ignoring the rest.)

"Some people are on opposite sides of this thing. They're elders who don't want to knuckle under to the Antediluvians (most elders will accept their proper place in the heirarchy again with the rising of their progenitors) and poor, misled souls who bought into the lie and are pissed about it (paging Mr. Pieterzoon). Bottom line: the Camarilla collapses like Enron/WorldCom as the worthlessness of its foundation becomes public knowledge. Chaos ensues among the vampire community, princes find themselves besieged by their own locals, and it's all a big clusterfuck."

Have I ever mentioned I love how VtM phrases stuff? Also F to Jan.

I like how they have a masterlist of what's actually going on with the Antediluvians. Spoilers ;D "For example, note that [Tzimisce] is simply referred to as [Tzimisce]. Even here at the game studio, our limited mortal minds weren't able to comphrenend the creature's real name." Lovecraft only WISHES he had eldritch abominations this spooky! Ennoia is 'Active and scary' and apparently spooks the devs just thinking about it. Makes sense. "Giovanni (Augustus Giovanni): Augustus is a pig, and he should probably die as one of the early events of Gehenna. He's the youngest of the Antediluvians and probably possessed the greatest ego (in mortal terms), so it'll be cosmic justice when he eats it." I love how no one likes Giovanni, even his creators. Malkav may or may not BE the Madness Network, in which case they cease to be an Antediluvian and just become... a part of the Malkavians, I guess? Absimiliard may or may not be chilling at the bottom of the ocean, because mood. Tremere / Saulot is definitely a fun one to play with, yeah. Although, oof, if Saulot ever gets control of their shared body, he's going to be fucked up if [Tzimisce] activates, so. Probably better to create a nice fresh body, like what BJD suggests with the child Saulot.

Chapter 1 - the lead-up: Basically a rundown of the signs and how they're interpreted. "An angel dies: How does an angel die? Who has the gall to rise up and slay one of God's firstborn? Or perhaps this is another metaphor. An angel could be a pure and gentle creature, or then again, it need not be one of God's angels (not that God's angels are necessarily pure and gentle). A feared and particularly vicious Necronomist Tzimisce, Sascha Vykos is sometimes referred to as the Angel of Caine. Many would rejoice the night that Vykos died." Hey rude :( I vote they kill Michael instead. He wants to be an Archangel? Fine, he can fulfill a prophesy XD

Honestly I really do dig that Ennoia Earthmelded with the entire planet. You can go so many directions with that, good or bad! Ennoia as The Beast Below, or Ennoia as Gaia? (Wow, that'd really fuck with the Garou XD) I love how the general consensus on Haqim is like, no one knows if he exists or not but lbr Ur-Shulgi is bad enough. Kinda dig the idea of the Toreador ante, Ishtar/Arikel, being genderfluid? I mean yeah essentially demigods have no need for gender anyway, but the constant debates over whether the Toreador ante is the female Ishtar or the male Arikel (or, uh, was it vice versa?) does lead to some interesting concepts. Ooh, similar to [Tzimisce] being linked to its entire clan (and the Tremere, anyone who's ever taken part in the Vaulderie, and anyone who knows Vicissitude), [Lasombra] may be connected to anyone who knows Obtenebration? [Ravnos]... yeah, probably dead. F to the clan. And yeah I think [Tzimisce] is flat-out the scariest one of all, and probably the one most likely to actually start the apocalypse, lbr.

Ugh this is one of the books that calls Sascha 'it' :-\ Do not like. ...Also do not like the suggestion that they're an unknowing agent of the Eldest, given, uh, the last chapter of the DA Tzimisce novel. Shoo! Shoo! You've ruined their unlife enough as it is!

Epistolary material! I do dig those. Most interesting: a letter to Sascha mentioning apocalyptic visions of New York but with the Carpathians in the background, and an anonymous letter to Hardestadt warning him of one of his line tearing down a castle that the writer feels believes the Camarilla. GO JAN FUCK IT UP.

And on to the scenarios themselves!

Chapter 2 - Wormwood: This is an interesting one. Literally a Biblical vengeance - God takes a good look at the Children of Caine and goes, "Well, this is fucked up", acknowledges that Caine never really sought true forgiveness and repentance, and sets forth Wormwood, the Red Star. The truly repentant are saved, the rest just. Die.

Herald here is a dhampir girl named Alia - thinblood father, human mother. When she's twelve, she becomes God's chosen, basically. Traveling with three thinblood guardians, one night, she's approached a Gargoyle named Ferox with True Faith, who sees himself as a fallen angel. And Alia offers him a way of redemption - find the chosen true believers, wait out Wormwood, receive judgement. Anyone can seek sanctuary, only the true believers and the ones genuinely willing to repent will survive the judgement itself. Alia and Ferox set out to find the other chosen ones.

Whew. Very full-on - the players remain in one place with a whole bunch of other vampires for forty nights. I mean, that's a test in and of itself XD All welcome! (Except infernalists and the antediluvians and Caine himself. They're fucked no matter what.)

Like. All welcome XD "Some Storytellers might feel that this character roundup could get too silly, suddenly having all these celebrity Kindred get together for a big slumber party, and they would be correct." Fuck that give me a slumber party AU XD

Am very glad about the note that the vampires inside only lose one blood point per 10 days, rather than every day. Otherwise, uh, it'd get gory.

Yeah, this is a really interesting scenario. Very character-focused, very introspective. All about the characters trying to work out what it means to be good people - not the strongest vampires, not the most powerful, but good people. Are they worthy of salvation? That's the crux of the story. Of course, it's very, uh, Biblical, heh, but it's first and foremost about morality and redemption. I dig it.

Also, giant vampire slumber party.

Chapter 3 - Fair is Foul: Ooh, this is a Lilith vs Caine scenario.

This one has the Withering hit in weird ways, including clan-specific ones - like the Banu Haqim only able to feed on vitae, then only able to gain sustenance from diablerie. Gangrel turn even more animalistic. Lasombra take to the seas, Obtenebration ripping holes straight to the Abyss. Malks, uh, leak madness. Nosferatu get even uglier, Toreador devolve into debauchery. Tremere develop third eyes, and yes, I did laugh out loud when I read that. Tzimisce... hmm... get a bit, uh, uncontrolled. And Ventrue find they can now only feed on... other Ventrue. Fun times!

"At your discretion, Lilith might be particularly vulnerable to Jewish True Faith, as the Jewish tales about her are the source of nearly every negative sentiment ever directed against her in writing. As a result, most orthodox Jews bear Lilith great contempt for defying her husband and her God." Yeah ngl I think she's pretty dang cool and I can just see, like, most of my ancestors facepalming at the idea XD;; Fuck obediance you do your own thing.

"Trying to work out traits for Lilith, Lucifer, Caine, or any of the Antediluvians would just be a waste of our word count and your time." I like the time they published a guide for fighting Caine. It was two words. "You lose."

Ah. Okay, Saulot in Tremere's body being taken over by the Eldest = scary, because have you ever been attacked by an Antediluvian wielding Thaumaturgy, Valeran, and Vicissitude at the SAME :) TIME? :) Yeah :)

Really dig the idea of Abel showing up as the first Wraith. The forgiveness element.

Overall, this isn't my favourite scenario, I think? It feels very chaotic, and while it's probably the most traditional to play, I'm not sure how much it literally challenges the characters, unlike the sheer soul-searching...ness of Wormwood?

Chapter 4 - Nightshade: Chapter starts with, "We all wear masks" and my first thought was "boy you have no idea" XD

Awww yes this is the masquerade break scenario! See here for my thoughts on that and how the Nephtali could be adapted to v5, heh.

Yeah okay earthquakes, volcanoes, and riots are normal enough. A horrible blood virus where it appears some flesh-like thing is living in people's veins and feeding off their blood sounds like something that starts with T and rhymes with Shzimitze. ...Probably. No one knows how the fuck it's pronounced anyway. Oops, those riots are apparently over the existence of vampires. Yeah that'd be... unfortunate. And more earthquakes, this time due to Kupala vs the Eldest. Whew. Red star, yep, standard. MORE earthquakes, this time due to the Second City rising. Sounds legit. Bad times all around!

The details on breaking the Masquerade are interesting. Basic emotions: denial, rationalisation, fear, anger, acceptance. The acceptance one is interesting, because I can definitely see some jumping to it straight away.

So, on to the scenario itself! Jan recruits the players to fight the... uh, mass under NYC. This is the corpse of the Eldest, which is more or less a giant fungal infection held together with Vicissitude, which frankly is just icky. This actually is  canon-compliant with BJD, since it apparently has only just... dissipated? or whatever there, or if it still remains, it's no longer conscious. In this one, its soul flicks back to Tremere's/Saulot's body and wakes up, and basically every Tzimisce, Tremere, and anyone who has ever drank Tzimisce blood (which would be the entire Sabbat via Vaulderie) spontaneously frenzies. Godspeed. Cyscek, a Tzimisce methuselah, helps defeat the, uh, blob at the expense of his life, and warns with his last words, "The Dragon rises. You must stop it. Find Vykos. [They] know." (Okay yeah the text says 'it knows' but also fuck that.) Ooh, plot point!

Aaaand then they retreat from the battle, exhausted, only to find the whole damn thing broadcast on every TV screen, vampiric Disciplines and Cyscek dusting and all. W h o o p s.

Lots and lots of details of a major masquerade breach here. Hardestadt shows up and tells Jan he's proooobably gonna get Final Death for, you know, trying to save the world. Gonna share this bit because it's Very Satisfying.

Please refer to my tag #hardestadt has no rights ;D

Anyway! The characters now recruited, Jan leads them back to London for the Convention of Fire. He's working with Calebros and... like a bunch of others, probably anyone can end up here, so long as they want to actually help and not just fall apart like the remnants of the Camarilla (trying to diablerise their way into keeping power) and the Sabbat (...ditto tbh). Those definitely in attendance are Ambrogino Giovanni, Hesha Ruhadze, and Fatima! And lbr the Nod Squad are probably there too. As if Beckett would pass up the chance to NOT witness what's happening with Gehenna. And Anatole is literally a prophet of Gehenna! They found the Nephtali, led by a council of twelve, with Jan at the head. Name means 'the highest point' or 'no further' - as in, Gehenna goes no further than this.

Oh lmao here we go, the scene I mentioned earlier - Jan vs talk shows.

F to Jan.

Tremere's body (inhabited by Saulot) disappears from beneath the Vienna chantry. Tremere's body, with [Tzimisce] now well in control (having overtaken Saulot; Tremere, meanwhile, has taken over Goratrix's body, with Goratrix's mind stuck in a mirror... it's complicated), wipes out the Vienna chantry. RIP to the Vienna chantry, which doesn't survive in either timeline tbh. Hey, I wonder if that means that Saulot (in Tremere's body) is dead in v5? Etrius manages to escape and reports that the Eldest is now on the way to Ceoris, where it'll call all the remaining Tzimisce to it to become, uh, a part. Pleasant.

Everything between Krakow and Bucharest is straight fukk’d. Ceoris is the centre of all this - IIRC it's somewhere in the southern Carpathians, nearish Brasov. Either way, hell of a fight results with what can only be described as an eldritch abomination, finally both managing to destroy Kupala (the Eldest's goal) and reducing The Thing down to a human-looking body. This bit is interesting! Tremere (in Goratrix' body) and Etrius take one look at each other. "Master..." "I... I know. But where the hell is Saulot?!" Good question, because he sure ain't in Tremere's, uh, former body any more, which was in fact what was fighting them the whole time. Either way, Tremere-in-Goratrix'-body leaps at [Tzimisce]-in-Tremere's-body and diablerises his, um, former body, which must be weird as hell, then tries to turn on the characters and his powers fuckiNG FAIL. EAT SHIT TREMERE. And then the players kill him too and realise that over the course of one night they've destroyed the demon Kupala and two Antediluvians, Tremere and the Eldest. Not bad. This is the battle that causes that second lot of earthquakes I mentioned earlier.

Back to London! They find the mirror containing Goratrix amongst Tremere's belongings. Poor fucker sorry not sorry.

And now the players receive a summons to escort someone from Montreal to the Nephtali headquarters in London! Namely, a Tzimisce named Myca Vykos~ They've recently defected from the Sabbat and want to help take the Antediluvians tf down. (Note: the book here has reverted to using he/him pronouns since they're back in their original form, I'm going to keep using they/them because biological sex does not determine gender identity or pronouns goddammit. ...Anyway. I AM going to use the name Myca since that's the name they're using themself, mostly because, uh, 'Myca' is a bit less noticeable than 'Sascha Vykos', haha.)

So Gehenna has started. Myca's woken up in their original form and being like, "Hey you know what I am preTTY SURE I don't want to serve the Eldest" and promptly joins the Nephtali.

From New York to London to Romania to London to Montreal to London (...London is a hub world apparently), now off to Turkey, to Kaymakli! Which is actually a real place, my brother's been on a tour there. Anyway, this is the part of Kaymakli that they don't show the tourist and that's been sealed shut with lots of angry Cappadocians instead, so that was fun. Presumably Kapaneus hasn't been chilling out there in this one.

Also Colombia has completely been overtaken by the Sabbat so that sucks.

Into Kaymakli! Which usually doesn't let Cainites back out so it may be one-way. Don't worry, there's a ritual for that. At the bottom, they find Augustus Giovanni! Who is pissed off he never actually got to eat Cappadocius' soul and so wants to eat God instead.

As you do.

The book very strongly encourages the players to kill him. Just 'cause. Which is a mood, tbh. Killing him also reveals a beaten, bound Nosferatu, having been Giovanni's most recent food source. An F for Okulos. He's been there for four years, having managed to get a lost fragment of the Book of Nod for Beckett, who promised to come back for him and. Didn't. Which is just rude tbh and I can kind of understand why Okulos ends up betraying Beckett in the Gehenna novel but anyway. (Not canon as of v20, he's perfectly present and chill in BJD.)

End results - the fragment that Okulos went to retrieve shows how to restore the Second City, which holds a complete Book of Nod and may hold the key to stopping Gehenna. It's in Enochian so your player characters probably won't be able to read it (book suggests asking Sascha or Ambrogino). Next stop, Egypt, and a meeting with Hesha Ruhadze! Man this scenario has a lot of signature characters. It also suggests getting third parties in here too, so Beckett would actually be a really good choice. Either way, they find the probable site, and suddenly, a Second City.

Archeologists make grabby hands. Beckett, somewhere, is probably crying in joy. They find a vial with some very old blood in it that they definitely shouldn't drink because otherwise they'll explode (the book uses Sascha as the example here XD;; ). Along with some mystical enscriptions, they return to London and get to work on the prophecy - namely, it suggests that 'the gentle one' (likely Saulot) will die at the hands of another, but arise in a new form, and will stop Gehenna that way. Etrius, one of the only Tremere left and having joined the Nephtali, goes 'fuck it what do I have to lose?' and goes to find whatever new form Saulot is in (potentially can also involve Goratrix here).

Hm. Well. Saulot is apparently in a research centre outside Sydney. Apparently we're mostly chill with vampires, aside from Christians XD Go figure!

Apparently it's a cloning facility. One of the rooms had, past tense, a child, successfully cloned six-year-old, who was in perfect physical form but vegetative from birth. Religious characters will pick up that it's because the kid's body didn't have a soul. Now, it does - Saulot's. Having been thrown out of Tremere's body when the Eldest took over, his soul fled until it could find the most suitable vessel - a soulless cloned body. No actual soul to have to subdue. Saulot ends up reborn, albeit in the form of a six-year-old and without any memories. Turns out, the child was taken by a cult of Thinbloods, believing him to be the messiah.

Sydney's messy situation gets described here! Short version, Sydney's Prince is/was Sarrasine, who was a Toreador. Except he wasn't a Toreador, it was a fairly open secret he was only POSING as a Toreador - he was actually a Caitiff. (Except he's not actually a Caitiff. He's a sixth-gen Setite. Sydney is Like That, yes.) Given Sydney's independence from the sects and its apparent Caitiff Prince, it's become a major site of Caitiff and Thinbloods, which Sarrasine is just thrilled about but can't do anything about because he doesn't want to actually go 'lol I'm a Setite'. Anyway, either way, everyone is unaware of Saulot's return, so the players seek out the little boy, who's pretty spooked and confused. Asks the characters, "Who are you? What is this place? What do all these people want?" and his third eye opens. Tada! Salubri Antediluvian, and like the prophecy mentioned, he's 'unholy' and 'a mockery in the face of God' - a clone.

Back to London with kid!Saulot. The Nephtali have been trying to work out what tf is going on. A researcher tried drinking from the vial. It was messy. The characters might get some downtime. Sarrasine's followers may attack to try and get the kiddo back. Either way, everyone goes to bed, and wakes up to find a Darkness having overtaken the sun, which is generally not good for anyone, and Lasombra characters are just, feels bad man. The Veil of Darkness means vampires can be up 24/7, along with other things that don't like sunlight, and I imagine things like... plants not being thrilled. Also probably very confused animals. I'm not sure if it's like a dark atmosphere, or a physical body between the sun and Earth that just eclipses it whatever vantage point you look from, or what? Disciplines like Auspex, Obfuscate, and Obtenebration go a bit fucky. Then, a few days later, everyone feels a... Summons. For low-generation vampires with still-living Antediluvians, it's strongest. Higher gens with destroyed Antes, not so bad. So I'm sure you can guess what's summoning them.

Yep. Antediluvians. Banu Haqim are getting summoned to Alamut instead so Ur-Shulgi can turn them into an army against the Antediluvians, so godspeed resisting that, Elijah.

Off to the city of Gehenna (it's nearish Jerusalem). Elders of all stripes have been heading there to kill their childer in hope of being rewarded by their Antediluvians to get their powers restored, which is terribly rude. Indeed, the Antediluvians basically go, hey, can you not, and also can you start Embracing more childer for our armies, because they're not very nice either. Pretty much all the characters have been summoned for their crimes against the Antediluvians, and now they're gathered before them - Set, [Lasombra], Ennoia, Absimiliard, Malkav (as like... a cluster of identical little girls with glowing eyes because of course Malkav would use the Creepy Child trope), and [Toreador], who's so beautiful no one can tell if they're male or female. When the players and child!Saulot get there, they question him, but he's literally a six-year-old boy and is spooked. He also has the vial, somehow. Set takes it, and Kiddo says, "Don't drink it. You'll burn up." So Set makes Kiddo drink it instead, because he's a nice guy like that.

Kiddo's third eye opens. A giant black throne appears. The dozen small girls that are Malkav say, "Father's home." Kiddo!Saulot says, "No, Father's dead." Girls start screaming so loud people start bleeding thick black blood from their ears and doesn't stop until Set kills all twelve. A random stranger, now with their glowing eyes, steps forward and basically goes 'wow rude'.

Powerful beam of light appears. The Antes (aside from Kiddo!Saulot) writhe in pain. Angel appears, asks Saulot if he's willing to atone for all vampires. He agrees. Throne explodes, Antes fuckin' die, and everyone promptly frenzies and tries to eat each other, because vampires. In the aftermath of that, vampirism basically... ends. The player characters may be rewarded by becoming human again, as do a lot of Thinbloods, but most everyone older just, uh, dies. Vampirism ends, but the Earth has been saved.

That is... hmm, bittersweet, I think. It's a pretty compelling chronicle, very dramatic, but it's much less character-based and is more, 'the characters get dragged along to Do Shit'. I kind of like the idea of it being a story involving the characters we know, but for original characters, I think Wormwood is a much more compelling scenario so far.

Chapter 5 - The Crucible of God: Okay I'm tired now and this is the 'rocks fall everyone dies' scenario so gonna skim-read this one.

This is the chapter that introduces the level 10 power for all disciplines - Plot Device. The Antediluvians can do shit because they feel like it. Whew. Also, if an Ante spots anyone of their blood line, they can just make them... explode and their blood gushes into their mouth. Monch monch. Spot another clan mate? Roll to avoid frenzy. Just woke up? Roll to avoid frenzy. Good times!

And then the Tzimisce Antediluvian awoke as a mass of Vicissitude flesh fungal infestation with tentacles and lampray mouths and stuff and ate anything in reach until it ate, uh, every living thing in Manhattan. In one night. Bad day tbh. Eventually it burns when the sun rises, but what's left underground is still there and shit's still messed up. Like picking a leaf off a dandelion and it starts bleeding. Trees with faces, swarms of insects forming into eyes and watching. Nice and creepy. In the aftermath, it's basically infecting every life form on Earth with Vicissitude, which is distinctly uncool.

Absimliard has an animal army and currently looks like a giant humanoid jellyfish.

Oh boy here's the Banu Haqim part XD;; Interestingly, it's a lot better for them! Haqim doesn't eat his childer, they feel themselves strongly bonded to him but still maintain their own minds and wills. Downside, anyone who doesn't follow Haqim alone gets hunted down so he can eat them, so Ur-Shulgi's probably having a field day at being vindicated and poor Pyre/Elijah is hiding tf under the bed. Plus side, it only lasts a few months before something kills Haqim, so hey! And there's genuinely a way to become human again, especially for high-humanity, high-gen vampires, so that actually would be a genuinely good outcome for Pyre/Elijah.

Malkavians end up as a giant hive mind. Like, more than usual. [Lasombra] covers the world in darkness, then it stops. Ennoia merges with the entire planet and starts eating people. And vampires. And Methuselah. And other Antediluvians. She's kinda hangry at this point.

Tremere attempts to rule the entire world using the Human Genome Project as the true name of the entirety of humanity. It lasts about two minutes before [Tzimisce] turns him into a meat crime, along with, uh, the entire rest of the world, aside from the players, who were part of Tremere's ritual and thus immune from it.

Also Saulot, who they just met in the form of a little old man.

Turns out, he planned it all along. Lured Tremere to him, knowing that his body was tainted by using Tzimisce blood to become a vampire. Knew that when the Eldest returned, he'd be succeptable, and Saulot would be able to bounce out when the Eldest took over. Now, he can lead the characters in the only way to stop Planet Tzimisce, which is, uh, prayer and letting themselves get eaten. Could actually work! And you end up human again in the bargain!

End result - all vampires gone. Some of the more human ones do end up human again. Either way, world's still fucked. Open Antediluvian rule for several months has destroyed most of humanity. There are still remnants - former Malkavians who are still a bit weird, former Tzimisce who are a bit... Vicissitudey. Ennoia's still around! She's mostly chill except when she occasionally feels like rearranging landscapes. Otherwise, it's time to recover.

Alternate endings - that last one wasn't depressing enough, so here's a scenario where All Is Tzimisce, here's one where there's global extinction of literally everything except the player characters who gradually drop into torpor and never recover (or just flat out burn if they're outside), or there's one where the players are the only vampires left and start a new cycle with them as the new Antediluvians or something, oh and Caine's still kicking and is Very Displeased that God won't let him die already. Gooood times!

Rest is how to basically play it, and character sheets. Which go back to calling Sascha ‘it’ again *sigh* (And using the whole alien look despite explicitly mentioning that they look human again. Of course.)

So, final thoughts! Gehenna is... an interesting scenario. Lots of possibility for introspection. It’s very... apocalyptic, and that may bother a lot of people, since, well, for the most part, it’s going to be the end of playing your character as a vampire. Which I figure most people are playing Vampire the Masquerade for. So it’s basically either a hell of a finale, or you just don’t make use of it.

Favourite scenario did end up being Wormwood. I just really like the introspection and opportunity for hope. Did also enjoy Nightshade, but in a different way, I think? Like for Nightshade, I’d rather read it as existing characters working together, maybe as a novel, whereas for Wormwood I’d want to play it since it’s such an intensely personal kind of thing.

(I also still want a slumber party AU ngl.)

[greentrickster]

All of us reading saturation and being surprised when canon events happen like *surprised pikachu*

Me seeing all of you reading Saturation and being surprised when you’re all surprised canon events happen like *even more surprised pikachu*

(mild spoilers for Saturation beyond chapter 43 at this point, read at your own discretion if you’re reading/planning to read Saturation and don’t want spoilers!)

Seriously, I wasn’t trying to be coy about the UR-1 arc, I did my best to set up warning flags - Sebbie talking about Simon and mentioning he had something he was working on, hints that time was passing, Zak showing up again way too early in the timeline, those were all meant to be flags to you guys that something was coming, that UR-1 was coming and something was about to go very wrong, because chapter 44 was me looking Capcom in the eye and going, “Oh honey, you did it wrong - this is how you break a man like Phoenix Wright.” It was meant to be unpleasant, yeah, if an event’s supposed to hurt in canon I’mma make it hurt, but not entirely out of left field!

And then we kept getting closer and closer to chapter 44 and I began to stare at my screen in dread going, “They... don’t seem to have noticed? They’re excited about Zak showing up? What? What?!? ...oh crap, I’m about to lose all my readers, aren’t I?” o_oU There is a special place in my heart for every single reader I have who reaches chapter 44 and chooses to trust me enough to read any further, and I mean that sincerely.

Also, looking back at the timing of when all this got posted, and I do not have words for how glad I am it went up when it did - one of my legit thoughts back in March was “Oh thank gods we’re past the Anwaltssadt arc, I would have hated to do that to my readers right now!” so glad that didn’t happen!

Thanks for the ask!

[jinpanman]

DEMON SLAYER MOVIE SPOILERS under the cut - read more at ur own discretion

.

i made myself sad thinking about rengoku’s remaining family finding out about his passing. uGH esp his lil brother. omg. like, how often do you think he goes back to see his family? ;___; but also it’s so beautiful that he died smiling SOBSOBSOSBSOOSB UGHGHHGUGHGH IT SO SAD

and then i made myself sadder thinking if he had a partner. or like, an almost partner ya feel.....like what if he had someone but they never took it anywhere because of how unpredictable his life is as a demon slayer ;___; and now they’re gonna grieve for him, for what they had, for what they could have had ;_____; SOB SOB SOB someone make a fic out of this. thx,

but also i just grieved for his short lived life. he still had so long to go and left the world too soon ;_______; but ig that’s the life for all demon slayers. v short life spans, having to grow up too fast, sob sob sob.....

[lionettea]

ok no one asked for this but here comes some moomin analysis!!

the last scene in Moominvalley episode 12 The Invisible Child with Too-Ticky and Moomin got me thinking about that ending song “Ready Now” and (of course not to distract from Ninny’s amazing story at all) but how the narrative seems to want us to ALSO consider this song in relation to Snufkin. keep reading for a rambly analysis of why I think so LOL. its long read at ur own discretion lol

(moominvalley spoilers if you’re not caught up!)

Alright alright alright so first off. When Too-Ticky tells Moomin to watch out for other lost souls, at first I thought it was going to be a touching but generalized message to the viewers to look for invisible children in their own life (very good) but THEN-- after Moomin thinks for a sec he seems to realize something, and then as the music starts the camera pans over to where Snufkin is walking away.

stuff like that in animation is rarely coincidence and usually super planned out, so it’s not a far leap to think the song also relates to Moomin and Snufkin!!!

Before I get into lyrics I wanna point out a few things about Moomin. Bless that guy. So I’m obviously not 100% on what Moominvalley canon is as far as how long he and Snufkin have known each other & what adventures they’ve already gone on before the first ep, but it’s clear that they’re already good enough friends that Moomin knows how to respect his space, even in Snufkin’s mind/memory.

And he is able to guide others in doing the same (like when he stops Sniff from continuing to bug Snufkin after Snufkin has reached his limit)

I think this experience helped him tremendously when it came to Ninny! Out of everyone there (besides Moominmama, where he must have learned his patience from) he is able to intuit her needs the best of everyone and is most effective in making her feel welcome! (probably from having dealt with Snufkin so much, or maybe its just in his nature) It works well until he gets ahead of himself and starts talking over her/thinks he knows what she needs without listening to her. This fails, and he quickly realizes what he did wrong and makes amends and is the first to realize how important it is to LISTEN! and then he explains that to the others.

Moomin’s ability to understand and be friends with uhhhh basically everyone he meets is nothing to sneeze at AND is pretty unique to his character when you think about it. More than anyone else (excluding Moominmama cuz she’s God Tier) he shows again and again --even when it may take some time-- that he has the patience to get to know someone and find value in them, no matter how different they are from him or how annoying they are to other characters. We see this in Sniff, the ghost, the ancestor, Little My, Ninny, (a hint of it with the groke), Snorkmaiden, Moominpapa, Too-Ticky, etc. etc. (and way more in the books but I’m just talking about Moominvalley for now) and of course our dear Nuuskamuikkunen.

Basically Moomin is really good at at least giving empathy a shot, something not every character can do (moominpappa, little my, and sniff can be kinda bad at it). That kind of caring can be life changing to someone who hasn’t really had much understanding before! 

Which brings us back to Snufkin, who’s privacy/introversion isn’t often respected/understood.

To the point where (even though he DOES like people!!!) he often gets overwhelmed and can’t see any way out besides to just- leave. Like he left Moomin at the party, like he left moomin & sniff at his own campfire with an abrupt “sleep well”, & how he leaves every winter. 

And why does Snufkin act like that? I really hope Moominvalley dives into it!! *rubs hands together* Besides it just being his Nature or whatever, in the books it says that he was found abandoned in a box (if memory serves) and basically grew up totally on his own as a wanderer and never had a home of his own and DEFINITELY never had anyone he could rely on besides himself. When you grow up that unstable, its no wonder you might want to take the stability into your own hands anyway you can. Why form strong attachments if they’re not going to last, or if it means you have to give up an integral part of yourself/your freedom/the only thing you’ve been able to control? This is just speculation though (I’m still reading the books too and I’m curious if the show will even address his past much at all!)

Anyway, considering how often he’s misunderstood even in super friendly Moominvalley who knows what he experienced elsewhere. It’s easier to retreat inward and fall back on to relying on yourself and no one else. The fact he views strong connections to people as something that can cage you/prevent you from being free, reveals a lot about the relationships/lack of relationships he’s probably known. however. we keep seeing hints that Snufkin isn’t always.. totally okay with this. we see that sometimes Snufkin needs company too.

(It’s also worth noting that when Snufkin realizes he feels lonely he assumes he must be sick or something because it feels so at odds with his identity. THE BABY DOESN’T KNOW HOW TO DEAL.)

He really has no idea how to grapple with the concept of Sometimes Needing People. He doesn’t know how to admit it to himself let alone others. In general despite spouting a lot of generic wise hot-topic-like phrases of advice (hehe i love them), when it comes to explaining himself to others (ESPECIALLY MOOMIN) he has NO idea what to do. which is seen in him stuttering and being evasive and hurrying away whenever questioned LOL.

Even when he does think he understands himself and is happy with his own solitude, he gets kinda knocked down a peg with both Titi-uu and Little My/the woodies. Both instances leave him realizing that, while being alone is great, company can also have some benefits!

Okay now we’re ready for the song “Ready Now” (hehe) and Moomin & Snufkin’s relationship. To Snufkin, someone as considerate and unendingly patient and loving as Moomintroll is probably still new, foreign, and full of constant surprises! (he was so shocked when Moomin wasn’t mad about the party thing...)

“You saw through me all this time I'd forgotten people are kind”

Even though Snufkin cares deeply for Moomintroll & does NOT hesitate to help him in a pinch and often goes against his solitude nature in order to comfort him (letting moomin&sniff eat by his fire, letting the dragon go), when it comes to verbalizing his OWN needs he struggles. And yet, Moomin somehow still seems to understand him and is gentle and forgiving (again with the hemulen’s jail, he never demanded an explanation or even an apology, he just wanted to help his best friend despite being stood up haha). 

Point is Moomin seems to be able to understand how to connect with Snufkin in an effective way.

“I was hurting and you knew So you showed me what to do You said "I will listen, tell it all When you're finished we'll talk more" But I didn't know how so we took it in turns To my surprise we found my words”

If Snufkin will open up to anybody it’s Moomin. And we’re talking year after year slow burn.... You can even tell that Snufkin wants to open up as seen in his imaginary conversation with Snow-Moomin. That’s the best back and forth convo they had specifically about Snufkin’s needs and it was in his head.... orz... (just talk to him you KNOW he’d understand...)

But, as revealed in this conversation, a big thing he talked about was not being ready (specifically to come back to Moominvalley, but the way it’s framed hints it’s also about other things as well) and now these lyrics....

“Feet firm on the ground, We stood hand in hand The world seemed to tell me That I have a plan Together we sang

I'm ready now.”

Obviously a big part of Snufkin’s character is that he doesn’t do things the conventional/common way at all. He very much does his own thing and won’t let anyone else threaten that. But the thing about Moomin is that understands/tries to! Moom doesn’t want to force him into a lifestyle or role that Snuf doesn’t want to fulfill, he just wants to be with Snufkin in whatever way works, even if its unconventional.

“You said "I will listen, tell me it all You don't like the ending? Then we'll find one that's yours."

To have someone who’s willing to work with him like this, big or small-- This is probably new to Snufkin!!! Or at least, maybe Moomin has always tried to put that out there, but it’s taken a while for Snufkin to finally start to believe/understand/trust that? He used to think building a strong relationship would mean sacrificing a part of himself, but maybe learn to see that he wouldn’t have to? He’s growing! and its a good grow!

“Something new, something strange Ten feet taller, I had changed I believe you, I'm not wrong Oh, it suits me to feel strong“

There’s that little bit of euphoria where he realizes.. caring about someone deeply can be a really good and positive thing.

And finally... remember how all of Snufkin’s life and identity revolves around wanting to be free? And how at first he thought being free meant to have no strong attachments? But maybe... just maybe... after working in loving tandem with Moomin....

“Oh, how did you know? That's all we need? A promise of hope Is enough to feel free.”

:’) the end

the potential is all carefully set up and there, I’m so excited to see what Moominvalley does with it! Especially since Moomin’s storyline seems to be revolving around him becoming more independent and finding his own, while Snufkin’s is about learning it’s okay to need others. They meet in the middle.

But things are never quite that easy in Moominvalley, so who knows how lost we’ll see snufkin before he gets “found”...? or vise versa. I can’t wait to find out!!!!

[cherryphobe]

im gonna try not to live blog like ‘spoilers’ & stuff for piropito so read tags at ur own discretion but bITCH

[soledadcatalina]

gay books (long post under cut)

this isn’t exactly a complete rec list im just trying to compile all the ones I have on my shelf right now. havent read all of them just yet so i will update this as i go

most of these novels are lesbian / wlw specifically 

pulp 

beebo brinker  by ann bannon 

odd girl out  by ann bannon 

(both these books are part of the iconic beebo brinker chronicle bannon writes, be warned that there is still a lot of homophobia in these books as they were written and released in the late 50s and early 60s. but from a historical pointview they’re a pretty big deal for not ending in such a huge tragedy, ask for more abt this if ur okay with spoilers)

short stories

painting their portraits in winter - myriam gurba (just started on this one! very dark but beautifully written stories revolving around mexican folklore as backdrop for modern stories. there are mentions of rape, and graphic depictions of death and assault, along with homophobic slurs)

the needle on full  - caroline forbes (lesbian sci fi short stories. not all of the stories are specifically abt lesbian relationships, there is one story in here thats a bit transmisogynistic so u can hmu on that one to skip or to read at ur own discretion) 

young adult (forgive me for this theyre still my guilty pleasure)

everything leads to you - nina lacour (romance between a set designer and a debuting actress with a lot of questions surrounding her family’s history and legacy. not bad, pleasantly surprised to find out mc is mixed race, which is explicitly mentioned and touched on)

lies we tell ourselves - robin talley (okay. this one is a historical novel set in the civil rights movement. mcs are a black girl who is intergrating with a few other black students into a previously all white school, and a white girl whose faher is a huge proponent of segragation that she’s inherited. it is a heartbreaking story with a hopeful ending, i dont think its written horribly but the fact that the book is written by a white author doesnt feel great (but im not black so maybe i can get a second opinion on this)

beauty queens - libba bray (lord of the flies with beauty pageant contestants and a bigger conspiracy underneath it. HUGELY satirical, it is a fave of mine, and doesn’t take itself too seriously. that being said, not super pleased with the lesbian relationship and trans girl character. the lesbian relationship doesn’t suffer from bury your gays but it did feel downgraded from the het relationships and the trans girl is outed by someone walking in on her while taking a bath soooo. not great.)

not otherwise specified - hannah moskowitz (this one’s okay. mc is a black anorexic dancer attending therapy and trying to audition for a big name school in nyc, who struggles with her lesbian friends who alienated her for being bisexual. obvs goes into themes of eating disorders, “”””gold star lesbianism””””, bisexuality, race and being a minority in a predominantly white town)

keeping you a secret - julie anne peters (this is baby’s first lesbain ya novel, and it fits the title of lesbian ya angst to a tee. internalized and explicit homophobia from parents, friends, classmates. hopeful ending but its a rough one to get through)

the art of being normal - lisa williamson (trans book, about trans girl mc trying to find a way to come out and discover herself, a boy who wants to find his father bc his mom forced him out of the kid’s life. mc gets misgendered through the entire novel even by the ppl she has come out to, including the other mc who apparently is okay with deadnaming her when he’s feeling upset. there is a twist to the story but it ain’t making up for that. lots of explicit and internalized transphobia, vivid descriptions of dysphoria, sexual assault, bullying, forced outing, does have a happy ending tho)

symptoms of being human - jeff garvin (trans book abt a genderfluid mc who is the child of a famous politician, writes an anonymous blog abt their life as a genderfluid teen. this one i think is written with a lil more respect than the one above but still, lots of internalized and explicit transphobia, vivd descriptions of dysphoria, sexual assault, forced outing. does have a hopeful ending) 

simon vs. the homo sapiens agenda - becky albertalli (mc is a gay teenage boy who is blackmailed by one of his classmates who threatens to out him via showing emails mc has exchanged with his anonymous crush. it’s a pretty loaded premise but the book itself is actually a lot more lighthearted than it sounds, with a very endearing mlm romance. that being said, still contains explicit homophobia, and frankly as a lesbian not too pleased abt mc’s assertation that ‘gay girls have it easier since guys are more into them’)

it’s not like it’s a secret - misa sugiura (japanese-american mc finds out that her father is cheating on her mother, starts falling for a girl in her new school and trying to balance the weight of being in the closet and knowing this family splitting secret. it is a pretty cute read at times but the drama just keeps on coming man. story mostly revolves around the cheating plotline, but also gets into the discussion of traditional japanese attitudes, and the idea of “model minorities” wrt racism and the way the asian characters are treated vs the latino and black students)

[pupseok-blog]

this could be considered a spoiler so read at ur own discretion

but can somebody tell me why the fuck samuel kim did not debut what is mnet doing

[aion-rsa]

Saga’s 15 Greatest Hits (So Far)

WARNING: The following list contains several spoilers for “Saga.” Read at your own discretion.

“Saga,” created by Brian K. Vaughan and Fiona Staples, has been one of the most consistently well-received comics series since it was first released in 2012. Some even credit it as being a major turning point in helping to usher in a new wave of comic book readers across the globe.

RELATED: 15 Most Insane Moments From Invincible

The story follows Alana, Marko and their daughter Hazel as they flee their respective races who are locked in a never-ending war with each other. But “Saga” is much more than a story of forbidden love story, as it regularly touches on the concepts of family, struggle and loss. Throughout its run, “Saga” has dealt out far more than its share of emotionally charged moments that have either hit us deep in our hearts, excited ur, or both. Here are 15 of the most impactful scenes that probably left you sitting in a pool of your own tears – either of sadness or joy.

THE WILL MEETS SOPHIE

The Will is a mercenary charged with hunting down Alana, Marko and Hazel. He’s been around since the very first issue of the series and has been involved with a lot of its best characters. Even though he’s a bounty hunter, he’s not completely heartless. As a matter of fact, he’s shown a glimmer of humanity on a number of occasions. The most respectable of which came when he made a pit stop on a planet called Sextillion, which is basically the Las Vegas of space, only three times as gritty.

After being guided to the darkest of Sextillion’s shady corners, he was introduced to a “slave girl.” The Will was shocked and appalled to find a young girl no older than seven waiting for him. The child before him had been sold into the sex trade by her uncle and had been forced to endure an unspoken level of cruelty. Naturally, The Will did what anyone with a heart and a retractable lance would do: he saved her and taught a painful lesson to the scumbags who were holding her captive.

LYING CAT COMFORTS SOPHIE

Given the life she was forced to endure at such a young age, Sophie understandably came out with some insecurities and issues with her identity. For quite a while, she still had the bad habits of looking to please everyone around her and constantly referred to herself as a slave girl. The Will and Gwendolyn did their best by giving her a new name and constantly reminding her that she was free, valued and worthy of being loved, but the most comforting words came from Lying Cat, a creature who has a natural talent for pointing out when people aren’t telling the truth.

Perhaps one of the most heartwarming scenes of the entire series came as Sophie sat next to Lying Cat, going over her newfound identity. After slipping into a moment of self-loathing, she called herself “dirty on the inside” for doing “bad things” in reference to her past. To most people, it’s clear that nothing that happened to Sophie was her own fault, which made it hurt to know she felt that way. Luckily, Lying Cat was lying next to her and said the only word she knows how to speak, washing away all of Sophie’s doubts in an instant.

“LYING.”

ALANA GETS ADDICTED TO FADEAWAY/THE BREAKUP

When their relationship works, Alana and Marko are one of the best couples you’ll find in any medium. They fell in love despite coming from opposite sides of two warring planets and always seem to find their way back to each other no matter how far they stray. However, their ugly moments tend to get really ugly.

For example, when Alana was working as an actor and hated herself for it, she was introduced to a drug called Fadeaway. Not only did it make her better at her job, but it also made her enjoy doing it. The problems came when she got addicted to the drug and was even high in front of her family. This all came to a huge confrontation around the same time that Marko was warming up to Hazel’s dance teacher and it looked like he was actually going to make a huge mistake. Fortunately, he didn’t, but that didn’t help much when he got into a fight with Alana and threw a bag of groceries at her, reminding her of the abusive household she was raised in.

MARKO OVERDOSES ON FADEAWAY

Fadeaway played an active role in breaking up a family that readers had come to love and feel like they were a part of. Alana was able to break her drug habit, but that just made it hurt even more when Marko went into a tailspin and overdosed on a bad batch of it himself (in an attempt to better understand his estranged wife by trying the same drug she had). It wasn’t easy to watch him be driven so close to the edge of his mental and emotional breaking point that he would lean on the very same drug that tore his family apart.

The trip that Marko then had into his deepest memories was both revealing and pushed the knife even deeper into readers’ guts. At a young age, he lashed out and hit a girl who was picking on defenseless animals, which went against everything he was taught. After his father found out, he whipped him with tears in both of their eyes.

It’s worth noting that this entire flashback wasn’t even in English, but the emotion of it still translated perfectly, which is a testament to Fiona Staples’ art.

THE TALE OF D. OSWALT HEIST

Without D. Oswald Heist, there would be no “Saga.” Well, not exactly. Brian K. Vaughan and Fiona Staples surely would’ve figured something out. For the sake of continuity, however, Alana and Marko never would’ve fallen in love if it weren’t for Heist’s novel.

When readers first meet the veteran author, he’s having a seemingly pleasant conversation with Prince Robot IV about their differing ideologies on war and the effects of it. But as the conversation goes on, it delves deeper into the two men’s past experiences, even leading to the revelation that Heist’s son was a war veteran who returned home and hung himself in the bathroom.

Despite Heist being a pacifist, he ends up fighting with Robot IV to protect Marko’s mother, Klara. Later on, he prepares to fight for his house guests again, but Gwendolyn busts through the door and stabs him through the head with The Will’s lance.

YUMA’S SACRIFICE

It’s hard to say whether Yuma, the ex-wife of D. Oswald Heist, did more good or bad for Alana, Marko and Hazel. On the one hand, she helped Alana get and keep her job on the Open Circuit while they were in hiding. On the other hand, she sold them out, got Alana hooked on drugs and gave Marko a batch of bad drugs that almost killed him. Alright, maybe she did a lot more bad. She made up for it in the end, though!

The main mode of transportation for the “Saga” characters is a sentient living tree that doubles as a spaceship. However, the years haven’t been kind to it, so during a certain battle, the ship suffers a fuel leak. Yuma and Ghus (a beloved talking seal) head down to check it out. Ghus discovers that the leak is inside of the fuel chamber and anyone who steps inside to repair it will die. After a big speech from the little seal, Ghus volunteers to go. However, Yuma knocks him out with a fire extinguisher, fixes it herself and is burned alive while high on Fadeaway. What a way to go.

IZABEL’S ORIGIN STORY

One of the regular companions in “Saga” is a Horror – a.k.a. a pink ghost with half of her intestines hanging out of her T-shirt – named Izabel. For the most part, Izabel is a source of comic relief during otherwise tense moments thanks to her teenage sense of rebellion and ingenuity. She’s also Hazel’s permanent nanny, and not only because she’s literally attached to the child’s soul.

Because of her usually chipper demeanor, it was especially sobering to see her put Alana in her place when the latter lashed out at her immediately after having her big fight with Marko. Izabel did so by reminding Alana that she wasn’t always a ghost. When she was still living and walking on two legs, she had a life of her own and a girlfriend she loved dearly. Then, one day, she walked across a land mine and died instantly before getting to tell her lover how she truly felt. Therefore, she knows as much about loss as anyone else in the series.

IZABEL DYING (AGAIN)

Throughout her entire appearance while traveling with the “Saga” family, Izabel’s been one of the most consistently loyal people they’ve met in their journey. This can be tough, since the family almost always seem to be expanding, including taking in people who sometimes ended up being their enemies at some point (like Prince Robot IV). From their very first encounter, Izabel was doing what she could to protect them from harm, whether it be using her ghostly powers to scare someone off or just being there for Marko or Alana to bounce their ideas and frustrations off of.

Well, readers were in for a big surprise when Izabel was killed by the latest bounty hunters to hone in on the family’s trail. Given her incredibly likeable character and fierce sense of loyalty, it’s only fitting that the reason she’d get taken out was because she didn’t want to sell them out to a couple of Freelancers. If one thing’s been made clear in “Saga,” it’s that no one is safe from death. Not even ghosts.

BARR’S FINAL GIFT

Many families aren’t just made up of parents and their kids. In a lot of cases, an immediate family can expand to include aunts and uncles or grandparents. The latter was the case for Hazel’s family as Marko’s mother and father magically showed up one day. They literally popped out of a portal and started attacking Alana, being under the impression that she had killed Marko. Fortunately, it was a false alarm (as explained by the frantic Marko in mid-combat), so Barr and Karla’s sense of urgency allowed them to meet their granddaughter before it was too late.

It was soon revealed that Barr was terminally ill and only had a handful of months left to live. Unfortunately, those few months quickly became a few minutes, because Barr had to use the last of his energy on a spell meant to save the rocket tree ship from being destroyed. Alana, who he had just warmed up to, was the only one there as Barr faded away before Marko and Karla walked in.

Barr’s commitment to saving his family, even though they’d just met, is further proof of how caring he was.

HAZEL REVEALING HER WINGS

Given that her entire existence could potentially end a war that’s spanned decades, she’s always had to deal with bigger issues than most people would at her age. This including constantly having to hide her true identity from everyone she met and always being on the run. She even found herself separated from her parents for over a year and kept in a detention center. That’s a lot of pressure for a kid. Eventually, she broke.

One day, she got her teacher at the detention center alone and revealed her beautiful wings in all their splendor. This was something Hazel had wanted to do her entire life but had always been instructed not to. The weight of the world was lifted off of her tiny shoulders in that one instant. Seeing those wings fully expanded in the image above was cathartic for both Hazel and the reader. At least, until her teacher fainted and bashed her head open on a coffee table.

SIR ROBOT CRACKS

Prince Robot IV could’ve easily been a throwaway character. There are probably dozens of people trying to track down Alana, Marko and Hazel for a bunch of different reasons and he was just one of them. However, his story developed into something much deeper as he made it his personal mission to rescue the newborn son he had yet to meet (he was offworld on the chase when his boy was born) from the child’s kidnapper.

In order to do so, Robot formed an unlikely alliance with Marko, one of the very people he was assigned to capture. Word eventually got back to the Robot Kingdom and he was stripped of his royal status, and changed his name to Sir Robot. This dramatic fall from grace combined with years of war experience and the tragic loss of his wife would be a lot for anyone to handle. The last we saw of Sir Robot, he was high out of his mind, being incredibly forceful with Alana (despite desperately trying not to let his screen reveal his fetishistic thoughts of her) and holding his own blaster cannon up to his head.

MARKO FINALLY FACES GWENDOLYN

A lot of the time you don’t see heartbreak coming and even when you do, it still feels like you got hit by a brick wall. Some people take that pain and turn it into something positive. Some people use it as motivation to venture across the galaxy to hunt down the person responsible for ripping their heart out. Gwendolyn, Marko’s ex fiancée, would be the latter.

Back on Wreath, Marko and Gwendolyn were happily engaged when he was sent off to fight in the war while she got stuck at home. They stayed in contact for a while as Marko started to lose his motivation for battle, later eventually falling in love with Alana after he was captured. Once she caught wind that another woman was not only with her fiancé, but married him with the ring meant for her, she did whatever it took to find them.

When she confronted Marko at D. Oswald Heist’s lighthouse, he could only hang his head, apologize and tell her that he couldn’t do anything to help her save the life of man she now loved (The Will). It was an interesting mix of sad and anticlimactic, since at this point, we’d seen both characters move on while the chase was taking place.

SOPHIE STABS THE WILL

After crash landing on a random planet, Sophie, The Will and Gwendolyn decided to eat some berries they found. Little did they know, the berries were hallucinogenic and kicked in really quickly. The Will saw his dead ex-girlfriend who told him to act on his impulses. Sophie, on the other hand, saw a vision of her mother, who told her to grab a knife and stab The Will. When The Will realized what was happening, it was already too late as Sophie was standing behind him with a knife inches from his throat. As he blacked out from the blood loss, he made sure to tell her that none of what happened was her fault.

In her short life, Sophie has already known far more struggle and unfairness than anyone ever should, which is why her being saved by The Will and Gwendolyn was such a precious moment. These total strangers became the people who consistently cared about her the most in her entire life. The scene is heartbreaking because you know how much The Will means to her and how she’s going to feel about her actions once she’s sobered up.

REALIZING HAZEL MISSED OUT ON HER CHILDHOOD

Growing up in a land of war can easily rob children of their innocence. Hazel was definitely no exception to this. As mentioned earlier, she even spent some time in a prison/internment camp.

Instead of not believing in Santa Clause or the Tooth Fairy, Hazel’s youthful skepticism went much deeper as she was already wondering about death and the afterlife at a very young age. After Izabel died, Hazel could feel the void it left inside of her. While everyone around her attempted to console her and let her know things would be alright, she just knew they wouldn’t. She took some time to process it all, part of which included her talking with a friend named Kurti about where people go when they die. Keep in mind, Kurti’s around the same age as her and his life is basically just as chaotic. Somehow, he took the pessimism of a broken-hearted little girl and said just the right thing to give her a little hope again.

Then they kissed. It was adorable, in spite of the depressing moments that led up to it.

THE STALK DIES IN THE LINE OF DUTY

Again, even bounty hunters have hearts. It actually makes a lot of sense for them to fall in love with each other, because they understand the lifestyle better than anyone else. This made it refreshing to see The Will, who was mostly the cold, brooding type up to that point, have a soft spot for The Stalk, an eight-legged spider woman.

While on Sextillion, The Will called the woman he loved to ask her for advice. Sadly, he ended up hearing her last moments as she was shot dead in an unnecessary conflict with the Robot Kingdom. He never really got over this and would go on to dream of and see visions of The Stalk for years, even getting himself fired as a Freelancer.

While these moment showed The Will’s softer side, they also revealed just how dark and bloodthirsty he could become. When a soldier from the Robot Kingdom picked up the phone to let him know The Stalk was dead, he went full “Taken” with the threats, and understandably so.

What moments did you think were the most emotional or impactful? Take a second to let us know in the comments!

The post Saga’s 15 Greatest Hits (So Far) appeared first on CBR.com.

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