#st augustine the secret

[asecrettheoryblogfl]

This is just a theory blog for The Secret, for the Florida box

I do not think it's in the Ponce de Leon park, because it's not a state park and it is privately owned. It's a theory that's been beaten to death, and yet it's unfound and the owner is kinda pissed it hasn't been found yet and people still actively trespass to dig in the SAME PLACES everyone else has. He even let the show Expedition Unknown come in and show you all, it's not there.

I do think it's in the St. Augustine area though.

This is just a blog to play with the thoery.

[thebeautyofyourheart]

February 2, 2023

hoping the sun will kiss my cheeks

[talonabraxas]

XVI Glory to Babalon! Glory to She Who guards the Abyss from Her mystical sea! The grace of Her splendor deservedly won, I raise up the cup and adore Babalon!

Goddess Babalon Talon Abraxas

This is the secret of the Holy Graal, that is the sacred vessel of our Lady the Scarlet Woman, Babalon the Mother of Abominations, the bride of Chaos, that rideth upon our Lord the Beast. Thou shalt drain out thy blood that is thy life into the golden cup of her fornications. Thou shalt mingle thy life with the universal life. Thou shalt keep not back one drop. In the outstretched hand of Babalon is the Cup of Abominations. This Cup is the Holy Grail. It represents the potential for divinity, and infinity, that lies within the flesh; the Secret of the Holy Grail is the Mystery of the Divinity that your physical body, your skin and hormones and nerves and memories and desires and all your gro-tesque effluvium, is capable of creating. Babalon is another way of saying, You are Holy and Divine; not despite your flesh, but because of it.

Many believe that ecstasy is the starting-point of Work with Our Lady; they are not wrong, so long as they do not think that ecstasy is found in escape. Work with Our Lady begins with silence, and space - inside, not out. It requires humility and chastity, and patience. Enduring these things until one hears Her voices is what is often called “Knowledge and Conversation.”Once this has been achieved, the seeker is ready to approach the Abyss, which is a symbol of the depths of the structures of one’s own Ego, one’s own personality, in the deepest sense. To progress through Her Mysteries re-quires the work of complex: the working out and working through of all the cultural conditioning that is carried within your body. The more deep and sacred the line appears, the more thoroughly it must be cleaned. A quote from Leah Hirsig’s diary may provide some clarity:

To get at people’s “conventions” trouble I suggest two main lines:

1 for the simple—ask the question “What troubles you most in life.”

2 for the more complex animal—Force him with a list of all the crimes possible and ask him to mention the one that he thinks worst “wicked” or “disgusting” or some such term. Remember Her name means ‘wicked’; the work of Babalon is the work of questioning what you were taught to regard as evil. Thanks to the ministrations of Plato and St Augustine, in western society evil can always ultimate-ly be reduced to qualities inherent in the body and flesh; specifically, that it can be corrupted, and that it dies. Yet these same things, when viewed from the perspective of Babalon, are the source of Joy; flesh is temporary, but through our flesh, we can experience divinity, which is infinite. Our Lady reveals the potential for experiencing this divinity in our physical bodies, something that can only come about after peeling off the layers of shame that we have grown over the years.

Devotional Work with the Goddess Babalon:

[forpiratereasons]

so. hot take. jim isn’t a mirror for ed. jim is a mirror for stede. neither of them talk about where they’re from. jim says so little about themselves they’re literally pretending to be a mute for the first three episodes, which are coincidentally the episodes in which stede is the least open with his crew. 

oluwande repeatedly points out that he knows so little about jim in ep 7, and it’s exactly the same sort of thing that stede is missing. you don’t say a lot, do you? you’re weirdly and freakishly secretive. i didn’t know you were from st augustine. it’s the same as stede, only they keep their secrets differently - jim elects to not say anything at all, and stede elects to say so much no one realises that there are things he isn’t saying.

oluwande doesn’t know anything about jim’s family, the same way ed doesn’t know anything about stede’s. oluwande doesn’t know anything about where jim is from, the same as ed doesn’t, except that stede is upper class. oluwande doesn’t know anything about jim’s childhood trauma, the same as ed doesn’t know about stede’s. 

the orange connects both jim and stede to their traumas, based in their childhoods and their inherited ‘causes.’ jim inherits revenge; stede inherits expectation. obviously seeing your dad murdered in cold blood is different than stede’s terrible father being present, but they both clearly have trauma related to their dad and how that has formed the rest of their lives. 

jim opens up to oluwande when oluwande offers to become jim’s family. oluwande says it, outright - i will be your family. i will keep you safe. i will be there for you the way you have had to be there for ghosts. we can be more than your childhood trauma.

ed unfortunately did not know that stede needed to hear these things, because stede doesn’t share anything personal but he shares so much of everything else that it drowns out his silences. and i think stede, post ep 10, is in a precarious position - he’s made progress with his family, with his half of the orange, but he could easily continue to swallow down the things he needs to talk about with ed in favor of prioritizing ed, especially when he realizes how ed’s been affected. but to truly heal, the both of them need to know how to speak to one another. they both need to know how to talk through what they’re going through. hopefully they’ll both get a chance to get there. 

[carlin2925]

Vacation Pictures

oliver enjoyed st augustine

(sorry if the pics are bad i had to keep the whole operation a secret from my family)

[bylersecretsanta]

BYLER SECRET SANTA 2022: OFFICIAL APLICATION FORM

Hi again, everyone! Hope you're having a great ST Day ;) We decided to delay it a bit to give you guys time to lose your minds. In other news, here's our official application link! Fill away, and make sure to give it a good read.

Important details below:

DEADLINE

Expected deadline of this event is December 23.

Gift giving ranges from December 24-31. This can be done through DMs, or you can post your gift and mention/@ your giftee.

Posting period in social media sites ranges from December 24-January 15.

Throughout the event, expect regular check-ins. This is to ensure everything's on schedule, and will be done through your main form of contact.

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Written works' requirements are limited to 300-500 words. If you wish to extend, the maximum limit is 5k words.

Other literature forms such as poetry can vary.

Artworks do not have to be fully rendered, but are expected to be relatively cleaned up and colored.

Video edits are limited to 15-30 seconds. Extended music fan videos can be up to 1 minute max. If you have any questions or concerns regarding your gift plan, you can contact us via our inbox here in @bylersecretsanta.

Please keep in mind these are just standard digital outputs. If you have any other ideas, you are more than free to explore them, and we encourage you all to be creative with your gifts!

Deadline of the application form is November 13.

Lastly, this is a strictly NO NSFW event. Requests or gifts that contain inappropriate content will not be tolerated and immediately removed from the event.

Thank you all again, and see you until the next update! 💙💛

Tag list under the readmore

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[ainsi-soit-il]

Petra song here.

Switchfoot song here.

If I had a nickel for every time a Christian rock group in the late 90s wrote a song about St. Augustine's Confession, I'd have two nickels.

[suzannahnatters]

2023 In Books!

Due to mild fatigue, 2023 was a bad reading year for me - I did not reach my yearly 2-books-a-week goal for the first time since I began logging them, and many of the books I did read did not agree with me. But I still found ten fiction and 7 (!) non-fiction books I had to shout out for the end of the year.

Top 10 Fiction THE RED PALACE by June Hur A historical murder mystery set in Joseon Korea, featuring crystalline prose, a painstakingly evoked historical setting, and an understated romance in a dark atmosphere of terror, secrets, and palace intrigue. Despite being written for a young adult audience, this book impressed me with its complex picture of a deeply flawed real historical context.

TOOTH AND CLAW by Jo Walton A Victorian style comedy of manners in which every single character is a dragon, from the dragon parsons and spirited young lady dragons to the crotchety old dragon dowagers and feckless young dragons-about-town. All of them wear little hats. Sheer cosy perfection.

DRAKE HALL by Christina Baehr My bestie surprised me this year by spontaneously producing four whole novels pitched as "cosy Victorian gothic, with dragons". I haven't read the final edition of DRAKE HALL yet but it's sunshiney, summery, cosy goodness. With dragons.

CRIMSON BOUND by Rosamund Hodge (re-read) A dark and bloody fantasy full of lifegiving female friendship, ride or die siblings, theology, guilt, and stabbings. This one also contains gratuitous St Augustine quotes, a one-page retelling of the VOLUNDARKVIDA, and a love triangle that exists to present the heroine not so much with drama as a proper ethical dilemma.

EMILY WILDE'S ENCYCLOPAEDIA OF FAERIES by Heather Fawcett The story of a mildly autistic lady academic researching faeries with her flamboyant rival professor, who is probably secretly an exiled fae king…but the annoying part is his habit of making his students do all his field work. Cosy, thrilling, hilarious.

THE LAST TALE OF THE FLOWER BRIDE by Roshani Chokshi This gothic-infused psychological thriller was dark, creepy, and sometimes heavy, but it's also a tale that flips the roles of innocent maiden and Bluebeard, engages in valid Susan Pevensie Discourse, and ends on what I found to be a genuine note of hope and healing.

THE COLDEST GIRL IN COLDTOWN by Holly Black This book tackles vampirism as a metaphor for the evil hidden in the human heart, and it's epic, bloody, twisty, and monstrous. I couldn't put it down. Not sure I'd recommend it for the target audience, but it's mature and well-crafted enough to be enjoyed by grown-ups as well.

THE WITCHWOOD KNOT by Olivia Atwater I've read a number of Olivia Atwater books, and this one is head and shoulders above the rest. The best blend of gothic and fae, like a grown-up LABYRINTH, with one of the great fae butlers and so many subtle yet walloping feels. It felt like an old fairytale in the best possible way.

BEHIND THE CURTAIN by WR Gingell The WORLDS BEHIND series is about trauma and healing and repentance, and in this, the fourth book, everything comes decisively to the boil as our favourite twisty knife uncle pits his wits against an enemy who very uncomfortably mirrors himself.

Top 7 Non-Fiction (because I couldn't get it down to just five)

TWO VIEWS ON WOMEN IN MINISTRY by Beck & Gundry (eds.) Four New Testament scholars from a range of complementarian and egalitarian perspectives debate the question of women in ministry, with a lot of detailed scholarship. If nothing else, this book proved that this is something orthodox Christians can honestly disagree about, because there are significant exegetical strengths and difficulties with each position - it's time to stop seeing women holding ministry positions in the church as tantamount to heresy.

REFLECTIONS: ON THE MAGIC OF WRITING by Dianna Wynne Jones This collection was magical - funny and sad tales of her life, many good and passionate thoughts on books and writing, and one absolutely marvellous study of narrative structure in THE LORD OF THE RINGS. Absolutely delightful and highly recommended.

PATERNAL TYRANNY by Arcangela Tarabotti A 17th-century nun takes aim at the misogyny of early modern Europe, wielding razor-sharp logic to argue boldly for the equality of women. But it's Tarabotti's passionate faith, which somehow managed to survive moral injury and spiritual abuse, and even came to see hope and encouragement in scriptures which must so often have been used against her, that will stay with me.

THE GOLDEN RHINOCEROS: HISTORIES OF THE AFRICAN MIDDLE AGES by Francois-Xavier Fauvelle A series of bite-sized essays on the medieval history of Africa from approximately the Islamic conquests of the 7th century to the arrival of Portugese colonists in the fifteenth. Each essay offers the most fleeting glimpse of a long-vanished, half-imaginary world of often breathtaking sophistication and splendour. I loved them.

ONE HOLY LOCAL CHURCH? by Bojidar Marinov This short book, which draws very solidly on past luminaries like Rutherford, Gillespie, Spurgeon, and Hodge, helped me think through some of the questions I've been asking myself about ecclesiology and the role and authority of elders, particularly as I've been rethinking women in ministry. Terrific.

TEN DAYS IN A MAD-HOUSE by Nellie Bly "People on charity should not expect anything and should not complain." In 1887, the American "girl reporter" Nellie Bly got herself locked up in a New York lunatic asylum, and this shocking expose was the result. Sometimes, nineteenth century attitudes towards women and the poor were beyond parody.

A PEOPLE'S TRAGEDY: THE RUSSIAN REVOLUTION, 1891-1924 by Orlando Figes Some aspects of this book have aged poorly - the unthinking acceptance of Russian imperial aspirations, for instance - but apart from that, this is a sweeping, epic picture of the Russian Revolution, covering three decades and every level of society, from daily life in the village commune to the political rivalries of Lenin's declining years, without ever becoming dull or bogged down in detail.

[jurakan]

"The Catholic Church does not enforce a literal reading of all parts of the Bible. The Scriptures have many types of texts: prayers (Psalms), visions (Revelation), debates (Job), parables (parts of the Gospels), letters (St. Paul), and, of course, historical reports (Acts). But not everything in the Bible is a historical report. Writing more than a century ago, Pope Leo XIII (1878-1903) used a quote of St. Augustine when he said:

The sacred writers, or to speak more accurately, the Holy Ghost "Who spoke by them, did not intend to teach men these things (that is to say, the essential nature of the things of the visible universe), things in no way profitable unto salvation." Hence they did not seek to penetrate the secrets of nature, but rather described and dealt with things in more or less figurative language, or in terms which were commonly used at the time, and which in many instances are in daily use at this day, even by the most eminent men of science.

So why do a number of Catholics still have a serious problem with evolution? Most likely, some Protestant groups have persuaded them that they should have a problem. When Scripture is the one and only authority--sola Scriptura (see chapter 3)--then Scripture is seen to be completely infallible if taken literally. Years ago, many Catholics in the pews understood that evolution of the human body was somehow acceptable in Church teaching. What has changed recently is not Church teaching, nor science, but the fact that non-Catholic fundamentalists and Evangelicals now have an enormous impact on our culture, especially in North America--and so has their rejection of evolution, making Catholics feel as if they must be suspicious of evolution if they want to be 'faithful' in their religion.

As a result of this, the theory of evolution has become highly suspect, even among some Catholics. Lost in this debate is the profound Catholic truth, affirmed by popes and theologians from the earliest Church until today, that science can never conflict with the truths of faith--not even evolution (see chapter 29). There is just no room in modern society for a "King James Version" of science textbooks. In schools, we should teach science, not preach it! Pope John Paul II said it right: "Scientific culture requires Christians to have a mature faith."

-Forty Anti-Catholic Lies by Dr. Gerard Verschuuren

[klaineccfanficlibrary]

Ok. .bc it came up recently in an ask of mine. Is there a Klaine/Jane Eyre crossover fic anywhere?

If not, could you recommend your favorite historical AU fics? Now I'm in a mood to read some!☺️

Hello! I've done searched for Jane Eyre, Charlotte Bronte and even Mr Rochester with Klaine, but nothing is coming up at all for those! Maybe you need to write it?! ~Jen

The historical trope is a big favorite of mine. There's quite a few in 1960's-1980's

Can’t take my eyes off you by @gleekto

1969 Klaine AU.

Blaine is a gay. He’s known for years and he’s not ashamed. He just wants to be sensible about it as it carries a lot of risks. So he chooses to study Arts at one of the best colleges in the country - Columbia - that makes his parents happy. And it also happens to have the first college sanctioned gay group in the country - the Student Homophile League - for people like him. And that makes him happy. He hopes. He just has to muster up the courage to actually go to one of the League meetings. Instead he wastes his time staring at that icy hippie in his music history class who doesn’t know he exists. He needs to stop pretending people are gay in his head and actually meet some real homosexuals.

Blaine coming of age in 1969. Hippie!Kurt. Elliott and Sebastian as Blaine’s mentor-friends. Unironic use of ‘groovy’. Coming out and fitting in and falling in love.

~~~~~

Come Alive by delires

Newly-wed junior advertising exec Blaine Anderson finds a missing piece to his puzzle in the back room of a Manhattan bar. Mad Men era AU.

~~~~~

To Be Myself by @wowbright

What if Kurt had been born 25 years earlier? A story about Gen X Kurt Hummel learning about love and, most importantly, learning to be himself, 1976-1985.

~~~~~

Indiscretions by shandyall

As childhood best friends in the 40’s and secret high school sweethearts in the 50’s, Kurt and Blaine never would have guessed they’d both end up married to women in the 60’s. But even when the world they live in keeps them from walking hand in hand, there’s nothing they can’t face side by side.

~~~~~

Gimme Shelter by Kurtswish

On a joyride out with friends, Blaine stumbles upon a man that would change his life forever. It is a time when changes are coming swiftly with Civil Rights laws and Vietnam on the forefront of everyone’s minds. Finding each other and romance should have been the hard part, but what will two young men endure in the time of free love and war. Story is complete.

And also, before those eras, two highly recommended by fandom:

Westerville Abbey by @hkvoyage

Blaine is the second son of the earl of Westerville, and is considered the spare heir. After his 18th birthday, he attends the London Season to fulfill his duty of finding a wife. He soon realizes he is more attracted to the new footman. Kurt, who has just arrived at Westerville Abbey to work alongside his father, becomes equally as smitten with the earl’s youngest son. Will Blaine and Kurt be able to overcome their class differences in 1910s England? Will their forbidden love survive WW1? A Downton Abbey inspired historical Klaine AU.

and also part 2 Life in the Big Apple

~~~~~

Gilded Cage by canarian

In the winter of 1895, Blaine Anderson, the son of a wealthy doctor, and Kurt Hummel, the son of a middle class mechanic, cross paths at a luxury hotel in the quiet seaside town of St. Augustine, Florida. With everyone and everything working to keep them apart, can they find a way to be together?

and of course, this one:

Known as Cavemen klaine by IconicAnon

Kurt and Blaine are cavemen discovering buttsex for the first time

Enjoy!!!

[nyoheadcannonsaph]

Axis Powers [expanded] Human Names ( + my reasons for them)

Here we go with the Axis countries' human names! I did some reseach, but again, as before, I believe we can agree to disagree, if you don't like my takes. Also, I'm using the last names from their male counterparts for the sake of integrity (like, if we had two Italies and the male had not-so-Italian last name that Hima invented for him, and then a female version with a more appropriate name, it would get a bit confusing, right?). I don't see them as family, but hey, they are one and the same country, we can't go too crazy with that.

Still, feel free to use any names you prefer. In this particular post there will be a lot of defense of Hima's choices, so brace yourselves. I really think he worked over the Axis characters long and thoroughly enough to make up his mind and some of his impressions were more correct than you could see it at face value.

So let's look at the names, shall we?

May the united powers of pasta, sake and wurst be with you!

Germany (West) - Nyoitsu/Doiko

Monika Beilschmidt

I don't think it's a perfect name, but it's not bad either. I originally thought of leaving Nyo!Germany as Louise/Luise, but since I don't like copying male names for female characters, even in genderbend, I opted for Monika and found some good grounds for it. It is after all a name of the mother of St Augustine, a woman mostly known for patience and determination in her prayers, which are somewhat related to Nyo!Germany's character. Furthermore, the actual meaning of the name is lost to history, but it was associated with Latin word "moneo", which translates to "advisor; I advise" and Greek "monos", meaning "one". "One advise", is kind of reflective of a line in "I am German-made" about reading each word of the manual (yes, songs are part of canon too, and I will take it as such). So ethymology-wise, it makes sense for Nyo!Germany. Weird fun fact: in 1937 there was a premiere in Stuttgart of an operetta under the title "Monika", composed by an Austrian composer. Not sure if that is related to Hima's choice, but I thought it's worth mentioning.

I also believe that in her youth (*cough* as HRE *cough*) she used other names, probably "Luise", or "Greta/Gretchen" in order not to clash with Nyo!Prussia at the time. She certainly used different aliases, as she's usually seen with her earpiece on, suggesting she works in intelligence during wartime. I can imagine her as a spy, but more of a communicator than actual secret agent. They still use aliases, don't they?

Italy (North) - Veneziano - Itako

Alice Vargas

I can hear some Italian purists coming over to say this is by no means Italian name, only italianised one. Well, yes, but let me tell you what: North Italy shares more culturally with Switzerland and Austria than it does with Southern Italy. If you happened to watch Hetafacts, you probably know some theory behind it, but if you don't, then let me put it like this: Northern Italian kingdoms were much mostly founded by barbarians "from the North"... Yeah, kind of like Papa Germania got busy with supposedly Grandpa Rome's daughter and "dot dot dot" (forgive that "Mamma mia" reference, I just had to). I mean, North Italy is still very Italian, she interited Grandpa's (or Grandma's?) Rome talent for arts and most of his (hers?) architectural wonders. But it would make sense to have a more Germanic name by origins.

Ethymology: it comes from Proto-Germanic roots, "aþala-", meaning "noble" and "haidu-", meaning "appearance; kind", and it was originally "Adeleide" - a name that young Nyo!Italy could be using, especially when living with Nyo!Austria and Nyo!HRE (I mean, you know who that actually was, but shh). Likely, during the renaissance and later times, she used different names, as I imagine she was very involved with the trade of antique sculptures and so she needed to use various aliases; she also was known to meddle in political affairs, much more than her male counterpart (especially between Turkey and Venice matters), so she used names like "Caterina", "Felicità" or "Margherita", among others. Still, around the end of 19th century, she came back to her original name, using the italianised, shorter version of it, as "Alice" ("Ah-lee-che", for all English natives, who read it as "Ah-lys"; I see you in your sleep and I'm not even Italian myself).

Italy (South) - Romana/Lovina

Chiara Vargas

First of all, that's the name Hima gave and for one of the few times I can wholeheartedly agree with his choices here. Secondly, it's the Italian form of the name "Clara", which derives from "clarus" in Latin, which in turn means "clear, bright", but also "famous, well-known". Well, that's ironic, if that's the name of Southern Italy and not the Northern one, isn't it? After all, South Italy often complains about being in the shade of her Northern sister - I think she would choose a wishful name, honestly, hoping to highlight her individuality even more. Finally, she's described by Hima as having a "strong image", which can be interpreted as "appearing to have a strong personality" - a very clear one, if I may say so.

I just love everything about this name, it suits her character and makes sense. If she ever used any other name than this one, I believe it could be "Marìa", "Giuvanna" or "Càrmina", all of which are Sicilian-Neapolitan forms of other popular Italian names (the last one is from Spanish one, "Carmen", obviously). By the way, "Ciara" is also correct spelling in the South, as far as I know, but correct me if I'm wrong.

Japan - Nichiko/Nihoko

Honda Sakura --- 本田 桜

Here I must say I can imagine "Sakura" being Nyo!Japan's human name since forever. The fact that the country takes pride in everything related to cherry blossom and the Hanami season pretty much kicks off the school year over there speaks for itself. Interestingly, Himaruya was thinking of names like "Mameko" (豆子) , meaning something like "bean" and "child" combined together, and "Ponko" (I'm not sure, how to write it in kanji, I only know a bit katakana and hiragana, so there goes what I came up with: ぽん子), which common feature is that they are both ending with "-ko" syllable, which in Japanese is associated with more feminine names (and I put the Japanese names for Nyo!Country names here, you can see the pattern there too.) So I suppose the only thing he thought about Nyo!Japan is that she's like regular Japan, but a girl. I can't come up with anything more Japanese and more iconic feminine name in this language than Sakura, so I stick with that.

If I were to comd with other names, I would go for something like "Akira" (明), which means "bright", or "Haruka" (遥), meaning "remote, distant", anything that describes more of Nyo!Japan's character.

Prussia - Germany (East) - Puroiko (?)

Maria/Luisa/Julia Beilschmidt

Okay, I know some people like to use "Maria" for 2p!Nyo!Prussia, and some of you will be confused why I didn't put "Julchen" instead of "Julia". Well, there's a good reason for both. "Maria" would likely be the name Nyo!Prussia would use as part of the Teutonic Order, and while 2p!Nyo!Prussia seems to embody that peried of Prussian history, I think it is more likely that during that time, Nyo!Prussia was acting more "feminine", you know, emobodying the more diplomatic side of the order compared to her male counterpart. Also, one of the names the Teutonic Knights used was "Marienritter", meaning literally "(St) Mary's Knights".

Upon the conversion of the order's Grand Master, Albert of Brandenburg, to Luteranism in 1525, Maria changed name to "Luisa", which was a common name in Northern and Central Germany at the time. There's a famous character she shared that name, Queen Luise of Prussia, of whom Napoleon spoke in high regards ever since meeting her in person (just so you know, she was pretty smart and badass). Finally, as she was separated from her sister, Nyo!Germany, she started to use "Julia", with the diminutive of "Julchen" ("-chen" is a form of endearment, like "small Julia" in this context) to differentiate it from more typically Slavic-sounding "Julia". It's still very popular name in Germany now, so I imagine it being the final version as for now (not like Prussia exists XD Sorry, I had to, I got Polish-Prussian heritage, so I can make that joke).

[dancing-with-the-madmen]

Scraps of Evidence, or The Maps that Lead to You

“Give it up, Stede! All adventures have a natural conclusion and this one’s more than fitting.” “No, I think I can fix this.”

This exchange is, to me, a microcosm of everything going on between Stede and Ed in “This is Happening.” So they had their moment in the moonlight, but Stede’s stupid, traitor brain went all Freeze on him, which made Ed think he misread the moment and withdrawal. But then we see the montage at the beginning of the very next episode that shows them spending more time together, and becoming closer and more comfortable with one another, culminating in flirty fencing and metaphorical penetration. And by the end of the episode, Ed has shared his most secret traumas with Stede. Clearly poor Ed is pouring everything he has into Making This A Thing.

So why does he, at the beginning of “This is Happening,” seem so determined to move on to the next adventure? I mean, is this the face of a man who is ready to pack it in? No wait - shit, I mean “give it all up.” Ah, fuck - no, I mean “bugger off.” OH! Bugger it all! - “LEAVE.” Does he look ready to LEAVE?

Admittedly, we have no way of knowing how much time has passed between the end of Fuckery and the beginning of Happening, but however long it’s been has clearly been long enough for Ed to conclude that he’s misread the situation once again. It was admiration - not attraction; Stede looks up to him as a master of piracy, that’s all. And he’s given it his all, hasn’t he? He’s been ostentatiously flirty, available, convivial, and emotionally vulnerable, and if all THAT wasn’t going to tempt the gentleman? Well, what would? All adventures have a natural conclusion. So it’s time to give up and move on.

Which, of course, sends Stede into a tizzy of trying to figure out how to make Ed stay. I mean, Ed couldn’t possibly ever love him, but he WANTS Ed, even if he can never REALLY have him. So a treasure hunt it is!

But Ed is nursing his disappointment. Even if treasure hunting wasn’t the single most embarrassing thing ever, being ORDERED to spend the day with the man who dashed his hopes? Well, that’s just adding insult to injury, isn’t it? (And maybe a little bit hot that Stede got all bossy? Is it hot? Or is it just St. Augustine?) But LBR, it’s BLACKBEARD. If he REALLY didn’t want to go? What’s Stede going to do to make him? Ed forcing himself to go through with this is basically the emotional equivalent of when you keep worrying a hangnail, even though it hurts a little to touch it, but you can’t help yourself because it feels so WEIRD.

And because his feelings are hurt, the way he acts toward Stede in this episode is VERY different to how we’ve seen them interact before. Generally, Ed is supportive, complimentary, effusive, appreciative, and won’t allow Stede to indulge in any negative self-talk. The only times we see him being anything less than kind is when he let Stede get a taste of what it’s like to have to make high-pressure, life-and-death decisions as Blackbeard (another time he felt like Stede wasn’t taking his feelings seriously), when he caught Stede replacing books that he was looting with selections from his own library (which, yeah. That was just silly and not to be encouraged), and when he’s trying to keep the cruel attentions of the French Party guest off of Stede. Treasure Hunt Ed is dismissive, derisive, and even a little cold - rolling his eyes at Stede’s moth discovery, withholding a hypothetical seat in his hypothetical restaurant (“If you weren’t being a dick.” You know, like you’re being to my poor, bruised heart RIGHT NOW), and belittling Stede’s reaction to the loss of the treasure map.

(Slight digression, can I just babble for a minute about how this scene is peak swagless Stede flirtation, and I love it with a love that is pure and true? I mean, just look at this goony grin when he springs the trap and tells Ed the Ideal Customer of Blackbeard’s Bar and Grill and Other Delicacies and Delights and Fishing Equipment he’s just described is none other than Stede himself!

“Aw, yis! You admitted that you want me to come! No take backs!”)

All of which activates Lucius Lecture Mode.

I’ve seen some people suggest that Ed didn’t realize Stede planned the day for Ed’s benefit because he’s not used to other people taking care of him, and that’s why he needed Lucius to spell it out for him. I have a slightly different read on the situation.

Ed has been captain of his own ship for a long time now, and has made himself quite at home on the Revenge. I don’t want to say that he takes for granted that people do things for his approbation or pleasure, but it is kind of an expectation of being in a position of power that people will do what needs to be done for you and will curry favor by trying to anticipate your desires. Which is why, when he responds to Lucius’ insistence that Stede has put together the outing specifically for Ed with “For me? Why?”, I don’t read it as astonishment or incredulity that someone is prioritizing his desires or trying to take care of him. And yes, Stede is not a subordinate, so the expectation inherent in a power-imbalance dynamic is not present, but, even within the context of the events of the episode, Stede has already demonstrated the propensity to take care of Ed by delivering his tea prepared just the way he likes it. Ed thanks him for it sincerely and compliments him on getting it just right, which further suggests to me that he’s not insensible to the way that other people, and Stede specifically, see to his needs. To me, when Ed says “For me? Why?” what he’s really looking for is something on which to hang his hopes - some map scrap of evidence that the attraction he feels for Stede is, indeed, reciprocated, and that he has a reason to stay.

Note how, like a compass to a lodestone, Ed’s gaze keeps being drawn back to Stede, even as Lucius tells him off in no uncertain terms.

Just after Lucius says “And you like him,” there’s a noticeable flex of the muscles in Ed’s cheek and temple as he turns his head to look at Stede’s back. I suppose he could be clenching his teeth, but that doesn’t read as a reasonable reaction in this instance. Instead, I think that luscious beard is hiding the fact that he’s swallowing. You know, the way you do when you get nervous, or anticipatory. Because Lucius also just said, “That bizarre little man over there likes you very much.” Does Ed dare dream it to be true?

It’s subtle, but I swear it’s there.

And IMMEDIATELY Ed’s whole attitude changes. Once more he’s supportive and encouraging. 

No need to go back to the ship; he was starting to have fun! They didn’t come here to NOT dig something up! Most of the map was just blank space anyway; the scrap that’s in Stede’s hands is what REALLY matters. He wants SO BADLY to believe there’s hope for him and Stede -  that he can take that map scrap and turn it into treasure.

It’s why, once they’re back to the ship, that same Ed who was so anxious to be off to the next adventure is now so comfortably settled in Stede’s quarters, talking of “co-captains.” Just the tiniest scrap of evidence is all Ed needs to let himself believe.

Which is why it’s SO FRUSTRATING to see him talking himself out of the possibility of their happily ever after AGAIN after the events of “We Gull Way Back.” After all of Jack’s machinations and manipulations, Ed has been led to believe if Stede has rejected him after seeing the “real” him. “You were always going to realize what I am.” He says sadly as he leaves the ship. As though Stede hasn’t seen him at his most vulnerable, and accepted him. As if Stede hasn’t seen him play the vicious pirate and lauded him. As if Stede hasn’t seen him dejected, depressed, and resigned to death and buoyed him. No - to Ed, there was always going to be some fundamental flaw in his character that would make him ultimately unworthy of Stede.

Then, after the kiss and the subsequent escape plan, rather than going back to the barracks to check and see if Stede had changed his mind, or had been held up, or literally any of the other miriad things that might have gone wrong to prevent Stede’s arrival, Ed just accepts that he’s been disappointed in love (again) and rows away (again) straight into his robe-and-pillow-fort depression.

Now we’ve got a pattern of grouped behaviors, which is always going to be intriguing to me. Ed puts together scraps of information to reach a conclusion he finds desirable, but when confronted with one contradictory or non-confirmatory fact, he assumes the entire line of thought was wrong, and succumbs to his darkest moods. It’s why he stopped himself from kissing Stede when Stede seemed to freeze. It’s why he decided to leave when the romance he anticipated failed to materialize, and why he spent most of the day sulking. It’s why he ran away with Jack after Stede said once sharp word against him. It’s why he rows away when Stede didn’t show. Even apart from Stede, it’s why he immediately resigns himself to go down with the ship when it turns out he mistook the day of the full moon.

So now the question is why is Ed so quick to prioritize disconfirming evidence over multiple support sources? Why does he assume his entire thesis is wrong instead of in need of refinement or additional information? Why does the idea that he’s wrong have such a profoundly negative impact on his affect?

I’ve talked (a lot) about how Stede thinks he’s essentially unlovable, how he is aware of his attraction to Ed, but doesn’t follow through because he doesn’t think he has a shot, and how he doesn’t realize Ed loves him back until Mary spells it out for him. But what I don’t talk about enough is how, because they are moron 4 moron, I think Ed is struggling with a very similar dilemma. Rather than feeling unlovable, though, what I think Ed feels is unworthiness. And I think he learned that lesson at his mother’s knee.

Yes, the silk scrap is emblematic of Ed’s heart, but for such a small, fragile thing it carries a lot more symbolic weight even than that. The silk scrap was not intended to be aspirational. It was meant to be instructional, and its lesson is “this is not for you.” It’s self-denial and deprivation as a self-defense mechanism. Why are some people allowed the finer things in life while Ed suffers - a hungry belly, a gnawing, relentless fear? Because that is his lot in life, his burden to bear, and his mission is to make peace with his place in the master plan. It’s one thing to want better things - but another to expect them to materialize. If God had meant for Ed to be allowed to have nice things, then he wouldn’t have been born to the life he was born to. When Ed lets the silk scrap float away on the wind, he’s not just giving up on his heart - on his romantic, Stede-linked aspirations - he’s signaling acceptance of the lesson that he’s already internalized - that those finer, aspirational things are not meant for him, nor he for them. It's what's facilitates and informs his transformation into the Kraken; the embodiment and representation of his lot in life - Terror and misery; both the cause and the victim thereof.

Which is why it's so important that Stede be the one to bring the silk scrap back to him next season. To show him that the fine things do belong with him, and always have. To give him a scrap of hope that leads him to treasure after all.

[jayshorrorgaming]

Join me on a bone-chilling journey as I delve into the eerie world of Paranormal Entities, one of the most spine-tingling horror games I've ever encountered!

In this gameplay, I assume the role of Cliff, a novice freelance cameraman for the renowned ghost investigation show on the Hunting and Outdoors Cable Network. My mission is to uncover the secrets lurking within the foreboding St. Augustine Asylum for the Mentally Ill. Equipped with my trusty camera and guided by the producer's instructions through a radio earpiece, I fearlessly venture into the depths of this haunted facility. As I navigate the asylum's dimly lit corridors, I keep my camera rolling, capturing every bone-chilling moment and attempting to establish contact with the restless spirits that reside within.

Brace yourself for heart-pounding encounters, spine-chilling apparitions, and unexplained phenomena that will leave you on the edge of your seat. Prepare to be immersed in an atmosphere of palpable fear and suspense as I uncover the dark history and paranormal activity that infest the St. Augustine Asylum. Will I survive this harrowing ordeal, or will the spirits claim me as their own?

Join me on this hair-raising adventure in Paranormal Entities, where the line between the living and the dead becomes blurred, and the true horrors of the asylum are revealed. Don't miss out on this nerve-wracking experience that will leave you questioning the existence of the supernatural. Subscribe now and hit the notification bell to stay updated with the latest episodes of my spine-chilling Paranormal Entities gameplay.

Together, let's unravel the mysteries that lie within the haunted walls of the St. Augustine Asylum!

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[catenaaurea]

The Roman Catechism

Part Two: The Sacraments

Importance Of Instruction On The Sacraments

The exposition of every part of Christian doctrine demands knowledge and industry on the part of the pastor. But instruction on the Sacraments, which, by the ordinance of God, are a necessary means of salvation and a plenteous source of spiritual advantage, demands in a special manner his talents and industry. By accurate and frequent instruction (on the Sacraments) the faithful will be enabled to approach worthily and with salutary effect these inestimable and most holy institutions; and the priests will not depart from the rule laid down in the divine prohibition: Give not that which is holy to dogs: neither cast ye your pearls before swine.

The Word "Sacrament"

Since, then, we are about to treat of the Sacraments in general, it is proper to begin in the first place by explaining the force and meaning of the word Sacrament, and showing its various significations, in order the more easily to comprehend the sense in which it is here used. The faithful, therefore, are to be informed that the word Sacrament, in so far as it concerns our present purpose, is differently understood by sacred and profane writers.

By some it has been used to express the obligation which arises from an oath, pledging to the performance of some service; and hence the oath by which soldiers promise military service to the State has been called a military sacrament. Among profane writers this seems to have been the most ordinary meaning of the word. 

 But by the Latin Fathers who have written on theological subjects, the word sacrament is used to signify a sacred thing which lies concealed. The Greeks, to express the same idea, made use of the word mystery. This we understand to be the meaning of the word, when, in the Epistle to the Ephesians, it is said: That he might make known to us the mystery (sacramentum) of his will; and to Timothy: great is the mystery (sacramentum) of godliness; and in the Book of Wisdom: They knew not the secrets (sacramenta) of God. In these and many other passages the word sacrament,- it will be perceived, signifies nothing more than a holy thing that lies concealed and hidden.

The Latin Doctors, therefore, deemed the word a very appropriate term to express certain sensible signs which at once communicate grace, declare it, and, as it were, place it before the eyes. St. Gregory, however, is of the opinion that such a sign is called a Sacrament, because the divine power secretly operates our salvation under the veil of sensible things.

Let it not, however, be supposed that the word sacrament is of recent ecclesiastical usage. Whoever peruses the works of Saints Jerome and Augustine will at once perceive that ancient ecclesiastical writers made use of the word sacrament, and some times also of the word symbol, or mystical sign or sacred sign, to designate that of which we here speak.

So much will suffice in explanation of the word sacrament. What we have said applies equally to the Sacraments of the Old Law; but since they have been superseded by the Gospel Law and grace, it is not necessary that pastors give instruction concerning them.

Definition of a Sacrament

Besides the meaning of the word, which has hitherto engaged our attention, the nature and efficacy of the thing which the word signifies must be diligently considered, and the faithful must be taught what constitutes a Sacrament. No one can doubt that the Sacraments are among the means of attaining righteousness and salvation. But of the many definitions, each of them sufficiently appropriate, which may serve to explain the nature of a Sacrament, there is none more comprehensive, none more perspicuous, than the definition given by St. Augustine and adopted by all scholastic writers. A Sacrament, he says, is a sign of a sacred thing; or, as it has been expressed in other words of the same import: A Sacrament is a visible sign of an invisible grace, instituted for our justification.

"A Sacrament is a Sign"

The more fully to develop this definition, the pastor should explain it in all its parts. He should first observe that sensible objects are of two sorts: some have been invented precisely to serve as signs; others have been established not for the sake of signifying something else, but for their own sakes alone. To the latter class almost every object in nature may be said to belong; to the former, spoken and written languages, military standards, images, trumpets, signals and a multiplicity of other things of the same sort. Thus with regard to words; take away their power of expressing ideas, and you seem to take away the only reason for their invention. Such things are, therefore, properly called signs. For, according to St. Augustine, a sign, besides what it presents to the senses, is a medium through which we arrive at the knowledge of something else. From a footstep, for instance, which we see traced on the ground, we instantly infer that some one whose trace appears has passed.

Proof From Reason

A Sacrament, therefore, is clearly to be numbered among those things which have been instituted as signs. It makes known to us by a certain appearance and resemblance that which God, by His invisible power, accomplishes in our souls. Let us illustrate what we have said by an example. Baptism, for instance, which is administered by external ablution, accompanied with certain solemn words, signifies that by the power of the Holy Ghost all stain and defilement of sin is inwardly washed away, and that the soul is enriched and adorned with the admirable gift of heavenly justification; while, at the same time, the bodily washing, as we shall hereafter explain in its proper place, accomplishes in the soul that which it signifies.

Proof From Scripture

That a Sacrament is to be numbered among signs is dearly inferred also from Scripture. Speaking of circumcision, a Sacrament of the Old Law which was given to Abraham, the father of all believers," the Apostle in his Epistle to the Romans, says: And he received the sign of circumcision, a seal of the justice of the faith. In another place he says: All we who are baptized in Christ Jesus, are baptized in his death, words which justify the inference that Baptism signifies, to use the words of the same Apostle, that we are buried together with him by baptism into death.

Nor is it unimportant that the faithful should know that the Sacraments are signs. This knowledge will lead them more readily to believe that what the Sacraments signify, contain and effect is holy and august; and recognizing their sanctity they will be more disposed to venerate and adore the beneficence of God displayed towards us.

[softmick]

2023 joy list

thank you for tagging me @mybrainismelted and @lingy910y! lets get into it.

please do this if you haven't and you see this. and tag me. for real for real.

traveling! there's little i love more than being in new places. my faves last year:

bonaire - one of the most chill, relaxing trips i’ve ever taken and one of the most beautiful places i’ve ever been. pink salt flats, the bluest water, flamingos. great food. better company. fun sex. the Best snorkeling! i saw octopi, eels, turtles, cow fish, sea slugs, etc. 🤿

okefenokee - my second trip to one of my favorite places in the US!! 30ish miles of kayaking. the satisfaction of physical exertion. almost getting attacked by an alligator.🐊 fun camping on platforms over the water! certified dark skies. fingers crossed i get to go again this year.

ohio/michigan - a road trip with my bestie to meet her friends in ohio and then a last minute addition to explore the upper peninsula of michigan. we kayaked in a crystal clear river, saw painted rocks, drove a dune buggy, saw a pretty water fall, did several cold plunges, saw some dambo trolls. got really high. cheap weed, no buying limits>>. camped. spent a night in a hot tub. lovely.

japan - finally got to go after like 4-5 years of wanting to! it was fun and beautiful. i don't have much to say besides i will go back. two weeks wasn't enough!

yoga!

did another training. got great feedback. met some really, really lovely people. feel more confident about teaching.

i can finally do kapalabhati correctly and it turns out i enjoy it.

miscellaneous

lots of good entertainment this year! faves: succession, shameless, the bear, bottoms. i finally finished outlast and i played jedi survivor.

this fandom <3

i wrote stuff last year? and enjoyed it?

my cats stayed healthy.

my dad moved closer.

my therapist affirmed that it's my choice about taking my psych meds. it's a little thing, but every summer i want to come off of them and i sometimes do, in secret, usually feel guilty and dumb about it... it was just really nice that when i finally brought it up to her she didn't immediately shut down the possibility.

i saw wild monkeys in silver springs and got robbed by raccoons in st. augustine.

i fucking made it through another one!

[so-much-for-subtlety]

In 1982 Byron Preiss travelled around the United States and Canada and buried 12 boxes that contain a key in secret locations. We wrote poems with clues for the location and an artist friend created paintings with more clues.

He published this in a book for teenagers thinking they would be easily solved, but 40 years later only 3 boxes have been found (and one was found accidentally during some construction of a park in Boston).

The jewels were valued at $1000 each in 1980s, so probably worth $2-3k today.

If you live in San Francisco, Charleston, Roanoke, St. Augustine, New Orleans, Houston, Montreal, Milwaukee, or New York City you might be lucky!

They’re not buried deep: just 1-to-2 feet, and assumed they they’ve all been put in public parks, but possible that they’ve been paved over etc in the last 4 decades.

https://12treasures.com