#started crying again just typing this up
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congrats 2 henry peglar for being the only bitch confirmed as to be Fucking That Old Man
#the heron giveth#the terror#alright here come the funny tags#bridglar#briglar#people spell it both ways i think. ill do both hujst to be safe#henry peglar#john bridgens#uh um um. uh#peglar x bridgens#THIS FEELS WEIRD. TO TYPE#bridgens x peglar#alright im done good GRIEF#this isnt even that extreme compared to the shit people are putting on ao3 about these two. god.#anyways hi ive watched this show maybe 7 or 8 times? only just recently have i gotten hooked on them#the scripts make me go nuts too. ''they were lovers in their pasts'' shut the fuck up dont say that to me ill start crying#this is the most risque thing i have ever posted on here#getting out of the fandom game for a while rewired my brain i have to get weird again. and boy do they make me feel weird !#i have a number of terror mutuals who r gonna go nuts over this. fuck yes a little bowl of seeds for me style#this looks blurry posting it hopefully tumblr doesnt crunch the shit out of the quality anyways im done typing goodbye
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there is a very specific image in my head of early-mid 20’s iwaizumi hajime
#iwaizumi x reader#and he’s the guy taking on an internship in his senior year with minimum load for his classes#bc he’s planned it all out since starting college#you see him in parties because he has the time & he works so hard it’s only right he plays hard too#every time you lock eyes he gives you a small smile#there’s an air about him that isn’t cocky but isn’t too shy; a comfort that settles into his skin like he’s sure of who he is#—of what he wants & it definitely isn’t hauling up his drunk friends and a few acquaintances up his car#but some of them are your friends and you’re helping him so maybe it isn’t so bad#he drops you off with your roommate and you rarely see him after#until you spot him at some bar (again) and he’s wearing a tight fitting polo (it’s his uniform you later notice)#it’s a year or two after your graduation and when you lock eyes across the room there’s something so familiar yet wholly different#he’s confident now & maybe a little flirty too when he tells you he’s working as an assistant to shadow one of his mentors#you catch up for the rest of the night and your friends have long since gone ahead#he still knows what he wants and it’s to bring you home—not that way (not yet); you’re a little suspicious because#you know there’s /something/ but he drives you home like a gentleman. without really trying anything (and maybe part of you wishes he did)#it’s iwaizumi though and he knows what he wants—to ask you out properly (one he’s been thinking about since chance encounters in uni)#and he’s hoping that when he asks you can tell just how much he likes you#hajime#i want him so bad im crying#there is a whole workd of backstory to this but i got lazy typing it#shotorus.bubble
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#(( ooc. ))#.... so#if youre wondering why ive been so absent lately. ots bc im dealing with stuff like that. on top of handling everytuing around the house#and additional super stressful family drama#health scares caused by stress#the works. i feel like im a constant state of mindfuckery and i have been since we moved#thoght things would improve after getting away from MIL but apparently not#ive been so exhausted and stressed and pain has bee. spiking so bad#im really trying to be here bc writing has always been a calming thing for me like a fun distracting hobby#to get my mind off irl things but everytime i open up a reply i start crying#bc the words arent there and im too tired to even tupe bc im running myself ragged#and on top of that im dealing with hubby and whatever the f is up with him and the weird#180s he does where 1 second hes the sweetest most attentive guy ive ever known and the 2nd#im crying and apologizing for doing sometjing weong and i dont even inderstand what i did but hes upset at me#and somethings suddenly my fault#or im begging him for help around the apartment or smth#idk. i am really trying to be here i swear i am. i miss you all. i miss the stories we're writing together#i miss by bbys and wanna weite with them bc theyve been loud and active but i iust cant type what i want to#a single paragraph is taking me hours to get out no joke#idk. sprry for dumping all this on the dash out of nowhere im just kinda flailing right now and offkilter#gonna head off to bed and see if an actual good nights sleep for the first time in a week helps with my brain and makes things make sense#hope you all have a goodnight. sorry again for this#negative tw#negativity tw#venting tw#personal tw
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thinking about him again... (robin kon...)
#rimi talks#i am not starting another wip. i am not starting another wip. new wips before finishing old ones are the mind killer#BUT..............................................#the problem is so many THOUGHTS and also my bad arm is killing me so bad typing hurts i will cry this is evil#i will type anyway bc i have to yell.#the bruce and kon of it all. kon breaking up with tana bc even in death tim is a good influence on him.#and then he makes bruce watch wendy with him bc he and tim used to do that and he breaks down and bruce panics and just swaddles him in cap#but ALSO... robin kon meeting oyl tim...#BUT ALSO ALSO the fucking comedy of jason trying to attack him but not knowing he is secretly kryptonian. this is so fucking funny#hes built like a brick shithouse and kon is still a gangly teenager but kon just tucks him under his arm like a suitcase like B GUESS WHAT#B I THINK I CAN BRING TIM BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!#<- the only thing he takes away from jason not being dead. he literally does not care otherwise#jason is hissing and spitting like a furious wet cat and kons just like HOW DID YOU DO IT. I WANT TIM BACK#but again. also. robin kon meeting oyl tim. and then both of them having to say goodbye again. the fucking tragedy of it all#okay for real ow i need to stop and take a break but HNGHGN
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Girl help I’m having a breakdown over food court chicken
#they increased the price by a pound#Now I can’t have it every day without going over the £25 a week allowance#They also completely changed the type of chicken#so it’s way smaller and doesn’t taste as good#screaming crying throwing up#also today’s just not got off to a great start#my legs feel like they’ve shattered for some reason#I fumkin lost my bag#lectures are starting up again#yesterday was too much fun now I have to suffer#Randy is not doing well#text post#randyposting#AHHHHHHHH
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one thing i just do not fucking get is the difference between "regulating emotions" and "suppressing emotions" i cannot get my head around how those are different. like if im sad and then i go "well im not going to be sad anymore" that's "dissociating" and "suppressing healthy emotions" but if im sad and im like "well im going to cry until i actually pass out" that's "not healthy" and it's BAD to suppress emotions but it's ALSO BAD to get super upset so WHAT IS THE SECRET THIRD THING cuz i do not fucking get it. "feel your feelings But not that way that's not healthy feel your feelings but less than that" ???????
#text#IT'S DRIVING ME UP A WALL IVE BEEN TRYING TO FIGURE IT OUT FOR MOTNHS#LIKE????? is it like. like is this a me problem is this just me having feelings that are too big#like do other people just.. like for other people does 'feel your feelings' just mean like. feel sad for a while and then stop. cuz i cant#do that i dont get normal sad i get chest pain and think about killing my self for hours on end .is that the problem#like okay if i trip down the stairs and break my leg. im going to cry and go to the hospital. suppressing that would be just using my#broken leg anyway and ignoring it. would regulating it not also be Crying and going to the hospital. would regulating it be like.. putting#a bandaid on it or something is it like.. a middle ground . i do not fucking get it#like okay if i trip down the stairs and i scrape my knee and then i call an ambulance i see how thats not the right response . and i guess#regulating there would be like. calming down thinking things thru and choosing a less drastic solution like a bandaid. i get it#in that situation. but if ive ACTUALLY BROKEN MY LEG. then that would just be the first thing again essentially#but when i put that back into. real world not metaphor world. like. i dont get it again#because if theres not like. an obvious reason for however i feel how am i supposed to judge if im calling an ambulance for a scraped knee#ALSO I THOUGHT THERE 'ARENT ANY WRONG EMOTIONS' WHATEVER HAPPENED TO THAT -_-#okay no okay it's like. if i trip down the stairs and i skin my knee i dont have to call an ambulance. but if several times a day i fall d#down the stairs and skin my knee in that exact spot and now i can see bone. SHOULD I NOT CALL AN AMBULANCE?#cuz its not just one thing thats upsetting me most of the time it's a combination of a bunch of things and then like one extra upsetting#thing added on top of that. which would necessitate an ambulance. does this make sense#THIS IS GETTING ME NOWHERE IM STILL JUST AS CONFUSED AS I WAS BEFORE I STARTED TYPING. i need 2 remember 2 ask my therapist#what the fuck ''feel your feelings'' means and how it can coexist with ''regulating feelings'' or whatever cuz i feel like im missing smth#NIK OUT ! PEACE ! ✌️
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Oh my god I’m so sick of fireworks
#shuuuuut up#why do I have to live in redneckville?#they are literally just blasting them off one after the other#I shit you not they haven’t paused in 5 minutes#ok as soon I type that they’ve stopped#oh jk they started again#I’m gonna cry#I want to go to sleep😭
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woe characters inspired by some of my cats be upon ye. info on them in my tags lol
#dialtown oc#jack dlc#twerpys head is a sledgehammer bc the cat theyre based on was born in a wall lmao#he works at the petstore with outis bc i got said cat frm the local petstore#lilys head is a fluffy couch pillow thing and she works at an animal shelter bc thats where i got the cat shes based on#twerpy is genderfluid bc we make jokes that my cat twerpy is genderfluid a lot#also i feel like shed be aroace if she were a person. its just the vibes yk#lily isnt labeled as anything shes just vibin#the 2 are part of a big sorta found family type shit that consists of chars based on my other 3 cats i just didnt feel like drawin more rn#twerpy is really mean and stuck up but is secretly super sweet it just takes them a long time to warm up enough to someone n show it#shes also secretly incredible at like. comforting people and helping them out. but again only shows it for people hes warmed up enough to#lily is super confident and full of herself and spoiled. she thinks shes super fuckin smart but she is very much Not /lh#she loves attention though and gets her feelings hurt super easy#also shes Huge on physical affection. she loves giving people hugs and holding hands and shit#like. shell be like oh im so fuckin hot and cool literally no ones on my level and of ur like eh idk that fit isnt really that good on u#she will start Crying. and get mad that youre being mean to her for no reason while sobbing#and probably will hug onto you while doing it#twerpy also gives really good hugs but they Hate being touched. so if it willingly touches you then youre incredibly lucky special#also lily loves sitting in peoples laps#if youre friends with her she is far more likely to sit on your lap instead of any chair in the room nd thats just smth youll have 2 deal w#dlc wiki
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#it’s only ever anxiety or disgust#for the sake of… how awkward this subject is. and how dumb it probably is to everyone else. I’ll be keeping this vague#I fucking hate this body… but again it’s all my fault. I know it is. I overthink everything and then I start crying#and then when I do try to.. get through it. then im still going to end up crying about it#and now im crying Again as I type this haha#its my fault now and my fault 1.5 years ago.#cant even say im brave going through it each time. it just makes it worse..#it’s not like I could even work through it correctly.#sometimes I think about it. but nononononononono I don’t want to make myself feel even worse#to delete later
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the thing with autism right. is i know if i was having a full mental health crisis what i would end up doing is going to the emergency room and being like "hello, my name is (x) birthday (y), um i was hoping to talk to you about potential mental health inpatient care? i'm currently having a mental health crisis and don't think i can be trusted on my own" like if there's one thing i can be sure will live on in me no matter how hard the brainworms try. is my fucking customer service voice
#like itll be busted as fuck because ill be freaking out but you bet ill be sobbing my way through verbally drafting an email#ive done it before‚ like im a frustrated crier and once i start crying i cant turn it off so ive had a couple times where i had a breakdown#at work‚ cried about it a lot‚ and my lead pulled me into a meeting room after i calmed down to check in#and as soon as i started talking it just started again so i had to be like 'sorry th-this is just something m-m-my bod-dy does‚ i-i'm calm#m-mentally but i just c-cant turn this-is off‚ just try to i-ignore HIC it and f-f-focus-s on the w-wwwords‚#(tired of crytyping so just mentally fill it in yourself in everything else i say)#n they offered me more time to chill but im like no really i genuinely am calm‚ i calm down wayyy before my body does its gonna#keep doing this on and off all day‚ it takes hours for it to fully calm down and is on a hair trigger the entire time#so thinking about this will make it kick back up again no matter what unless we talk tomorrow‚ so if youre ok with bearing with me then cool#and theyre like. dang ok and just focused on what i said#or much more recently i was talking to my roommate‚ stopped‚ held up a finger + stood there silently for ten seconds‚#then was like 'sorry about that‚ i think i have to throw up. excuse me for a moment. what was that? oh gotcha yeah i'll message you if i#need anything‚ thank you'#and just typing it out like that it sounds like i was fine and just saw it coming a ways away. however that is not the case#i had had my covid booster and some other vaccine earlier that day‚ lost 5 vials of blood‚ eaten Nothing‚ drank only#acidic-ass apple juice‚ and had just hit my vape too hard#keeping it in once it made its presence known was a feat of will the likes of which have never been seen before#and still my sentences prevail
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im so tough when im alone and i make you feel so guilty and i fantasize about the time you're a little fucking sorry do you think i deserved it all your flowers filled with vitriol you have everything but you still want more and
#this whole fucking song god i need to dedicate to my dad#he never fucking planned to send me away on time he never cared enough always so fucking selfish#ive been here since the fucking 8th and it's been 10 full days and today when i asked ab main kya bolu office mein kyu nahi aa rahi#aur kabse aaungi they need a date#he's like yehi 5000 ki naukri ki padi hai kya padhai kar rahi hai ya nahi#you waited the entire fucking time i was here made me do all your fucking chores from literally 6 am in the morning till night continuously#to bring this up?? how fucking selfish do you have to be#now he's like make a goddamn schedule sit with me for 1 hr we'll make it and only then ill THINK about sending u back#fuck him fuck him so bad#idk why he makes me feel so weak and hurt#he wants me to study on my own plus the subjects they're teaching in tuition and idk man it's impossible i can barely keep up with tui#and whenever i tell him that he says you're just not trying hard enough and as soon as he says that the floodgates open this unbearable#lump in my throat forms#today too he asked why won't i follow it aise kaise chalega and my throat was so choked up i knew that one word and i would start crying?#and i didn't want to do that crying in front of him is never good it just makes him more angry violent even#i braved it out for like an hour and then finally he let me go to sleep then i cried peacefully for like half an hour#idk why can't i just tell him fight him jist say like an adult that ye mere bas ki baat nahi hai mujhse itna kuch nahi hoga#even typing this out is bringing tears to my eyes#maybe because it makes ne feel like a huge fuckinh failure a loser a fuckinh dumbass unintelligent lost unfocused#i feel like id be proving him right by admitting defeat he said ill fail again if i continue like this and im afraid he's right#and i fucking hate that i can't do it but literally everyone else around me can very fucking easily?????#everyone is so. normal okay chill relaxed#they do their homework they don't procrastinate they understand what's taught in class in first go#they're consistent they do it thru months whereas me i last like 2 weeks max then it all goes to shit without fail#and i hate being so weak esp in front of him cause i know he doesn't understand or is sensitive to weakness he only wants me#to be strong inhumane like a machine who never gets tired#im so scared of what ill say in office why doesn't he get it's bad for rep and they'll scold me?? and it's not a fucking naukri it's an#internship where im supposed to learn field work and it's literally fucking mandatory to do it to sit in the exams#i spend like 7 8 hours there how do u expect me to not make it a priority at all#im trying my fuckinh best okay but schedules are suffocating impossible i have no energy to do anything besides some hw after 7 pm
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If my dog barks one more time I am going to fight him
#my brother apparently didn’t let him out and didn’t let him go into his room so he was just running between me and my brothers rooms barking#for who knows how long before he fucking woke me up (pissed off bc it takes me fucking forever to fall asleep and even longer to fall back#asleep after I’ve been woken up) but I went out and took care of the dog shit all over the living room and I moved all the shit off the top#of the dog crate and put him in there and now finally after a half an hour of fucking wrestling this dog into his cage I can now sit on bed#and struggle to fall asleep again for an hour. I am so mad at my brother and I know it’s just bc I’m pmsing (still. not. bleeding. I want to#gut myself it would feel better than just fucking waiting for hell week to start) anyways. probably just pmsing and pissy at my brother but#also what the fuck is wrong with you I’ve been in my bed for hours there’s no fucking reason why I should be woken up because you didn’t#take care of the dog when you went to bed like oh my god !!! if you are the last person awake and you aren’t taking him he goes into his#crate so he doesn’t shit all over the floor and bark and tippy tippy tap his fucking nails all through the house the entire night#but no my brother decides to go to bed and just let him fucking cry it out in the hallway and wake me up when I barely slept yesterday#ughhhhhhhh#I am very annoyed. but in the process of typing this I haven’t heard a single bark so I think at least I got the dog to shut up
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Some venting in the comments I’m ok now
#I’m rlly not the best at handling relationships and such#I was bullied at elementary school#what happened then was not important atm so fast forward to the conclusion#that is ever since it was kinda hard for me to put trust in irl people#so basically I tend to neglect my negative thoughts and anxiety when I’m crazy busy#so it bounces back twice as hard once I slackened#and idk why I just burst out crying an hour ago bc I just felt so lonely#it sounds pretty stupid#tbh#anyways a part of me didn’t want my roommates to worry yet I kinda wished they did#anyways my mental state is so fucked up I know that#so I was crying on the roof at one am#I have class at eight fyi#and I’m typing this at two thirty lmao#anyways I calmed down a bit and did my stretching exercises before I sleep#and I opened up the CEC tags in AO3 bc I didn’t have time to open that for at least two weeks#and I started crying again and just BLASTED YUME FANFARE#idk problem still unsolved but at least after the second round of crying I’m stable enough to sleep#dang it’s 02:22 by the time I finished this#ok bye#running on 4.5 hours of sleep per day I must be insane
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WHEEEEE
#can i please just have a crush that ISNT my boss#LIKE AAAAAAAAA HES MY TYPE HES SILLY AND GGGRRRR BARK BARK#NO WAY IN HELL IM GOIJ OUT EITH HIM THO CUZ OVI POWER IMBALANCE AND HHH#i almost gave away that i like him romantically to my coworkers by rambling about what i like about him#like they were talkin about how hes intimidating only when u first meet him#and my coworker goes 'yeah when i started talking to him i realized hes just a big teddy bear'#AND I HAD TO SUPRESS MY URGE TO AGREE AND RAMBLE BECAUSE EA AAAAAAAAA#why do i always have to be atracted to those i cant be romantically involved with qwq#hes seen my cry so many times from stress and one day he finally gave me a hug and hhhh hhhhh hhhh i just yeah i just hhhhh#i just fell for him more like at first i was just infatuated with him n i told myself that after that period is over like always id be done#BUT AAAAAAAAAAA#im just so use to feelin comfortable around him and its makin me CRAZY#im so touch starved n when he gives me hugs i just feel so much better its so nice but im so scared that if i let him know... its gonna end#i hste being alone and i always feel like a bother but idk lookin for someone on dsting apps is different#i went on a date a week ago and it was so awkward cux ii was the only one talkin and being looked at gives me anxiety#i couldnt even look my dste in the eye half the time and i was so out of it my verbal tics were goin crazy and i was just messin up words n#onve again the lonley should take me already im suffering so much#ALSO IF UR LOOKIN AT MY BLOG AGAIN LEAVE I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU WANT LEAVE ME ALONE#i would so fuckin name drop but grrrrr#not mutuals or followers#you've hurt me enough and i know how much you hate me already god#i wanted to be friends still but idk after u and ur s/o told me to kill myself and then said it was funny to make me worry for your safety#only to accuse me more it kinda hit hard how much we drifted#xzzt
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i am. having a normal one (no im not)
#i got a scam email from p*rn h*b saying it was using my email to make an account and i litterally have never been on there before so#i freaked out and sent a reply to cancel the account and then looked it up online and saw that it was just a scam#i open my inbox again and theres like 12 replies saying it failed to send my reply#i deleted them all and have gotten nothing else since (abt 20 minutes ago)#but i am just like on the verge of a oanic#i didnt click any links or download anything#but im still half expecting my phone to shut off or...idk explode or something (/hj)#ry tho im freaking out kind of#like i was crying when i started typing this i need to chill#nothing is gonna happen i know nothing is gonna happen#if something was gonna happen it would have by now right?#im just panicking rn and idk how to calm down#saturn talks#vent#ill be okay though!! dont worry abt it
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I'd feel like the luckiest man alive to buy a beautiful girl like yourself a bunch of flowers! What are your favourite kind of flowers?
#honestly that’s a really really hard question#I love all flowers#all time favorite is probably sunflowers 🌻 🥰#especially when they are growing off the side of the road cause that spot is getting so much sun#there’s this highway that gets a lot of sunflowers during the summer and it makes me SO happy!#almost that time of year again 😍😍😍😍#also love roses obviously#especially when you go off what each color rose means I think that’s cute and special#daffodil daisies orchid#I’m trying to think of this other name of flower but I can think of it#fun fact there’s this flower that looks like a naked dude#think it’s actually called ‘naked man flower’ but I might be wrong#but look it up#they are so funny looking 😂😂#I want a bunch of those in my garden one day lmao#I’m still not over how fucking SWEET that first sentence was???????????????#I know I started talking about flowers right away and I meant to say something at the beginning of the tags but there is noooooo way#I’m gonna type all that out again lmao#what do you mean YOU would feel lucky?!?$?! I’d feel like the luckiest girl in the world 🥺🥺🥺🥺#imagine my eyes lighting up when I see the flowers#omg I’d be so fucking happy?#idk if I’d cry or just jump over to you and give you the biggest hug#like wtf stop this is so cute#I want someone to get me flowers one day 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺#(PS my favorite *flower* is weed 😝 lmao had to say it)#ask#anon
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