#started her pro career weeks ago after making it to the final four

[captainmartin20]

[brightlight-dazzlingeyes]

love means nothing | chapter 01

leon goretzka x original female character [+18]

synopsis: 10 years ago, after winning wimbledon at the age of 18, olivia araujo was tennis's biggest rising star. she had a cosmopolitan social life, a handsome boyfriend and all the time in the world. now she was pushing 30, single, lonely and after several complicated injuries she could feel her career coming to an end. warnings: sports-typical violence; mentions of depression; angst; timeline of events are not based on real life; minors dni.

masterlist | next chapter

Chapter 01 | Everybody’s Changing

“Trying to make a move just to stay in the game

I try to stay awake and remember my name

But Everybody's Changing, and I don't feel the same”

February, 2023, Lyon

Every sport has its own language, with every little detail about them having its own particular overcomplicated term. It helps to keep the normal people clueless and it makes us weirdos feel like we are better than everybody else. When explaining tennis to my normal friends the part they struggle the most is accepting the scoring nomenclature. So, let me try to explain it to you. A tennis match is divided in ‘sets’ and every set is divided in what we call ‘games’. To win a tennis match you need to win 2 sets, and to win a set you need to win at least 6 games. To win a game you need to score at least four points. The first point a player scores in a game is called fifteen; the second is called thirty; zero points is called Love. Why? I have no idea; it’s just the way it is. It’s a cute nickname. Basically, in tennis, Love means nothing.

I have been a professional tennis player for 10 years now. I heard every stupid pun and felt compelled to buy every stupid t-shirt related to the Love being zero thing. But now, alone in a 5 star hotel in France, the reality of the irony is weighing on me. You get used to hear it and I'm starting to think the corelation fucked up my head. I'm 28 and have been single for the past 5 years. To make the irony greater, I'm a singles specialist. In fact I haven't played in a doubles match for a couple seasons. For multiple reasons, my health being the main one. I had to prioritize. Can't play every tournament anymore, can't play all the categories.

It’s a life of sacrifices, being a pro athlete. That’s not news for me. But when you’re young what drives you is the belief it will all be worth it. It’s okay to skip college, lose friendships, miss your little sister’s birthdays– you’re doing it for a cause, for a passion. Because you already spent too much time in it, and you just can’t go back.

When youth fades the passion fades with it. The cause doesn’t feel as important anymore. The trophies don’t shine as bright. The cities you travel to are not as interesting. Or maybe it’s not an age thing. Maybe I'm just depressed. Or maybe it’s because my ankle is twice the size it should be. Another injury and it’s just the start of the season. I was playing Caroline Garcia in the Lyon Open semi final yesterday. She was defending like a lion and I was serving like I was 22 again. And then I slipped.

My week actually started pretty decently. I was in Paris, my favorite city in the world, having brunch with my dashing ex boyfriend. Sure, it didn’t go exactly as I planned, and he didn’t fall to my feet professing his love for me. If anything it was the other way around. You can’t blame me, Leon has changed so much since the last time we’ve met. He had just played against PSG for the Champions League round of 16, and before traveling back to Munich he agreed on having brunch together. We were staying at the same hotel and it was too much of a coincidence for me to let it pass. A once in a lifetime opportunity, really. In the past ten years of travel that didn’t happen once.

Leon and I dated for six months back when we were eighteen. That was a long time ago and we were young enough to be certain we were soulmates. We planned a beautiful wedding in Italy and two well-behaved children who would, naturally, become legends in our sports when they grew up. Well, none of that happened.

“You’re looking good.” He was being polite when he said that, and I was practically drooling for him. The man looked spectacular. I tried to behave in a friendly manner, it was brunch so it didn’t really feel like a date. 

“It’s been so long!”

“I know, I’m glad you texted. I had no idea you were in town.”

“To be fair, the entire Bayern Munich squad is a bit easier to spot. And I’m in Paris practicing, I’m only competing next week, in Lyon.”

“Oh, I see. I’ll make sure I’ll watch you on the tv.”

“I watched you last night! I was in the stadium.”

“Really?”

It was so strange being in the same room again. He looked amazing and sounded so mature. He was a grown man in front of me. So bizarre that I didn’t get to watch that change happen. We hugged when we said goodbye and it was so hard letting him go. We promised to keep in touch but I remember how that went last time.

Now, I’m lying in bed after my physio shoved as many anti-inflammatory down my throat as she was legally allowed. Tomorrow morning I’m back in Paris and we’ll run some tests. After the pills kick in and the pains get easier to deal with, it's the boredom that drives me crazy. Recently, when I’m feeling especially sorry for myself, I’ll google my own name. And there it was, first link! A condescending sky sports article about my injury.

The image reads: Olivia Araujo withdraws from Lyon Open due to ankle injury. Later, in the same article, there was a link to the tweet the Open posted.

The tweet reads: “Unfortunately, Araujo has withdrawn from the tournament due to injury ❤️‍🩹Thank you for the incredible play, Liv! Congrats to Garcia who moves through to the final!”

After the night reading and almost crashing my phone on the wall, I finally passed out from the pills.

***

“Say goodbye to Indian Wells.” Sara, my longtime physio and close friend, whistled. She was reading me the results of my exams.

“Never liked the desert anyway.”

“But if you behave we can get you to Miami! Or if you decide to take a vacation as I have been suggesting, you could just skip it and jump to the clay season.”

“Miami sounds like a vacation.”

“You know I can only get you 100% physically, right? The mental part, Liv, that’s not with me. But I can tell something's off with you.”

“Of course something is off with me, Sara, my ankle is all fucked up! Just get me fit and I’ll be fine. Promise.”

My phone becomes much more important than that conversation when Leon texts me. 

leon:

how did the exams go

feeling better?

:(

liv:

i’ll be fine to play miami next month

what are you up to

True to his words, Leon did watch me play and he did keep in touch. He sends me a pic of himself at the gym and I feel like dying. I’m still not sure if he’s flirting with me or what. I do know he’s single so at least it’s okay for me to thirst.

liv: you’re looking fit don’t make me jealous

leon: can’t help being young and healthy but seriously i do know how much it sucks to be injured you want to talk? i can call

I called him immediately after reading his text.

“Hi.”

“Hello.”

We both giggle.

“I’m actually not upset anymore. It could be better, but it could be worse.”

“So you’re an optimist now? Since when?” I can practically see him smiling on the other side of the call.

“Don't sound so surprised, you changed a lot too.”

“Yes? How so?”

“You’re all buff now.” I’m blushing as I say it and he laughs.

“But that, I just showed you how I did it.”

“I didn’t turn into an optimist. I just went through worse, so I can’t be too bothered over a sprained ankle.”

“Trust me, I know exactly what you’re talking about.”

Those phone calls quickly became routine. I went back to Lisbon for my treatment, and the nostalgia hit me like a truck. Being in my family home while calling Leon and giggling hiding from my parents. It felt too much like being 18 again. For my parents, they couldn't see much of a change. They got used to me being here over the last couple of years. I don’t remember the last time I went over 6 months without an injury, and dealing with that in Lisbon was so much easier. My father, who’s my coach, and my physio Sara, both live here. The place I used to call home is now an abandoned apartment in Monte Carlo.

“At least it wasn’t your wrist.” My dad spoke nonchalantly over breakfast. I am the daughter of Fabio Araujo, still the best ranking male Portuguese tennis player in history, 20 years after his retirement. The best ranking Portuguese tennis player in all categories would be me. I’ve reached number 1 in both singles and doubles. But that was a long time ago, now I sit comfortably under the 100’s.

“Yes, at least it wasn’t my wrist. Could be worse, right?”

My mother was Eva Borges, she was a supermodel in the 90’s and was terribly disappointed when I decided to follow my dad’s steps. But she got lucky and around the same time she got pregnant again. My baby sister Chiara was a perfect copy of our mother. Mom’s obsessed with the idea of turning Chiara into a mini her. Making her a model, marrying her off to a rich man. It’s been working well for her so far.

“There’s someone I want you to meet.” Chiara said when I arrived. “He’s very handsome. His name is John.”

John was a puppy. A baby pug. We never got to have dogs when we were kids, our parents were too busy and didn’t really like animals. Now Chiara was 21 and had her own place. She seemed responsible enough for the job, unlike me at her age.

“I’m talking to Leon again.”

“The football player?”

“Yes. The football player.”

We’re in her bed and I show her pictures of him. The pictures he sends me.

“He’s so hitting on you.”

“Are you sure? I don’t know.” Chiara laughs when I say that.

“Well, I know. For sure.”

In my childhood room there’s a box with special items from my previous relationships. From Leon I’ve only kept two things: a Maroon 5 album he gifted me on our 3 month anniversary and a polaroid of us kissing. In the picture I was a blonde girl, baby cheeks being 90% of my face. At the time I also had a killer backhand that got lost along the way. Looking in the mirror I couldn't find a single trace of the girl in the brunette woman in front of me.

March, 2023, Key Biscayne

I was once a Grand Slam winner, now I'm out of the Miami Open after my first match. I got beaten 6-1, 6-2, in a 49 minute match. My physio blamed the injury and my father couldn’t really look me in the eye. He always gets like that when I lose. ‘Let’s go back to training.’ He’ll say tomorrow.

Florida is not an ideal place to be sad, at least not at this time of the year. The sun is shining too brightly and the palm trees are standing way too pretty for me to feel bad. Or guilty. I have been to the final of every Grand Slam. Wimbledon, I won twice. Roland Garros once. In hard courts there was only disappointment. Three years ago when I lost the Australian Open, I seriously considered retiring. The mental exhaustion of the sport became too much for me. So losing in Miami now isn’t exactly a tragedy. My ego has been bruised for a while.

So why keep going? I don’t know what else to do. Tennis is my life, is all I know. I can’t imagine starting over, and I do know the time for retirement will come no matter what. There’s nothing I can do to avoid it. I understand my father a lot better now, he made an heir, he taught me his trade, and now he still has a taste of the life he used to live. Maybe that’s what I should do. Pop a baby, repeat the cycle.

Back in the hotel room the realization of the loss hits me. I feel like crying. Or maybe punching someone would help too. Instead, I text Leon.

liv: i lost again and i’m in florida, that’s the worst part this place is awful leon: let’s meet up let’s have dinner together

[imaginationintowords]

Folklore [song series]

peace

Modern Day AU! Steve Rogers x OC!Reader

Plot: Inspired by Taylor Swift’s new album Folklore. The story follows the timeline of Bucky and Elizabeth’s life throughout the years

[word count: 2265]

[a/n: sorry for the wait. it was my birthday last weekend so i was just chilling. but here it is, just in time for the anniversary of folklore's release. the final chapter of my folklore song series. i started this last fall, and it's now the end. thank you to all who read the story and commented and showed it love. you don't know how much that means to me, that people liked it so much. thank you for joining this journey with me, and I hope the ending is a nice little bow to finish it off]

Series Masterlist

Age: 27

Year: July 2021 [two weeks after engagement]

Location: New York

Two weeks after their engagement, Steve and Elizabeth were still living off of the high from their engagement.

They were currently spending some time in New York. Liz had just graduated from law school that spring, while Steve was still working at the same architect firm. That was actually also why they were in New York.

The company was opening another branch in New York. Steve was offered a promotion, but it would only be available at the New York office.

In the few years since Steve graduated, he's been excelling in the architect world. He's really made a name for himself. Last year he was named the "hottest" up and coming architect. Ever since then he's been very busy. His boss gave him the month off, to propose to Liz, and to take a tour of the new office.

Steve told Liz that they'd only move back if that's what she really wanted. Especially since she just finished law school, and she still needs to take the state bar exam. She would need to figure that out soon, because the NY state bar exam date was closing in on her.

She and Steve decided a month in NY would help them both decide if moving back would be best. If they did decide to move back Steve would already have job waiting for him. Liz on the other hand might not.

Luckily for her, Loki was currently working at a law firm in NY. He was able to get her an interview while she was in town. He couldn't promise her a position, as there were a lot of people up for the job, some had even interned there. But Liz still went to the interview giving it her best.

Loki and Scott moved to NY two years ago, both their jobs taking them there. They ended up eloping right before their move, two years after Thor and Wanda got married.

Thor and Wanda had officially been married for four years. They were also considering the move over to the east coast. Both of their families lived out there and it just made more sense to them, especially with them trying to start a family.

Family was a massive pro for Steve and Liz as well. Moving back would mean seeing their loved ones a lot more. Especially now with Poppy about to turn six, part of them felt like they were missing out on their goddaughter's life. Steve also missed Bucky.

Bucky was doing really well in his career. He's currently working as a sound engineer for a movie studio. A big step up from the local recording studio he started in.

He was currently looking for a place to move to in Manhattan. Now that Poppy was about to be six, and she was already going to school in the city, it was time they officially made the move.

Actually he's no his girlfriend had decided to move in together.

Dr. Jane Foster is a pediatric fellow. She was in her first year of fellowship at a private practice in Manhattan.

Bucky and Jane met three years ago, through Sam Wilson. Bucky was hesitant at first to date, because he's a single father, and his main priority has always been Poppy since the day she was born. But

Sam had convinced Bucky to go on just one date. One date was all it took. Bucky was immediately hooked. Same went for Jane.

Jane was incredibly understanding of Bucky's situation. And it also helped that she loved children.

Jane met Poppy four months into the relationship and since then everything has been going great for the three of them. Jane instantly fell in love with Poppy and Poppy loved Jane a lot. Bucky had truly never felt happier. When he was alone with his girls he felt complete. When Bucky brought up the idea of officially making the move, he and Jane made the decision to move in together. They were practically already living together at that point. They were all very excited about this next step in their relationship.

Steve and Elizabeth were watching Poppy for the day while Bucky and Jane worked. They decided to spend their day in the city, walking around what could possibly be their new neighborhood. Poppy was loving having them around, and talking up their ears about school and all the friends she has made.

Around lunch time Poppy started to get hungry and sleepy. They decided to stop at a café and get some lunch.

Liz went inside while Steve and Poppy sat outside. Poppy ended up falling asleep on Steve while they waited for Liz. Steve found himself thinking about the possibility of living there.

Truth be told part of him did want to move back. He genuinely missed the New York City way of living. As he relaxes into the sounds of the city, he hears his name being called out. He looks straight ahead, looking for whoever called him, or if they were calling another Steve. As his eyes scanned the crowd, he met the eyes of the last person he would ever think he would see again.

He was completely shocked.

"Peggy?" Steve questioned, as the woman stopped in front of the table.

"I thought that was you," she smiled, "Wow. You most certainly aren't 17 anymore."

Peggy checks him out, as he stayed in his seat. She wasn't being subtle about it either.

Steve cleared his throat, noticing the way Peggy was eyeing him up and down, "Well it has been a decade wince we've last seen each other."

Peggy glances at the sleeping Poppy in his lap.

"Is this your daughter?" She asks pointing at Poppy, then glancing at his left hand noticing there wasn't a ring on his finger.

"Oh, no. This is my goddaughter. She's actually Bucky's," Steve tells her.

"No way," she gasps, surprised by this information. At that moment Elizabeth walks out of the cafe with a number plaque for the table.

"Oh my gosh! Elizabeth?" Peggy greeted.

"Peggy?" Liz asked confused at this older version of Peggy Carter.

"Yeah," she smiled.

Elizabeth put the number plaque on the table, Peggy catches the shimmer of her engagement ring.

"Oh wow! Congratulations," she says grabbing Liz's left hand, "You have a really beautiful daughter. I'm so happy for you and Bucky. High school sweethearts, making it til the end."

Liz was confused, she looked at Steve, hoping he could get them out of this awkward, and slightly uncomfortable situation.

"Um actually, this isn't her daughter, and she's not engaged or married to Bucky," Steve says, "We're actually the ones engaged."

Peggy was taken by surprise at this brand new information, not expecting to hear those words come out of Steve's mouth.

"Oh, I'm so sorry. My mistake," she apologizes, embarrassed.

"Well Congratulations," she awkwardly says, glancing at her watch, "I better be on my way. But hey here's my card. I moved back a couple of months ago. But we should all get dinner and catch up. There's clearly a lot I have missed."

She hands Liz the business card and walks away.

"Well that was random," Steve awkwardly laughs.

"What are the odds," Liz says sitting across from Steve, "Didn't even know she was back."

Liz cleared her throat and tried to focus on the city around her.

Con: Peggy Carter.

Steve and Elizabeth continued on with their day. At the end of the day, they dropped Poppy off at Jane's apartment and headed to their hotel.

Throughout their day there was a slight tension between the couple, it didn't go unnoticed by the both of them. Neither could figure out what the tension was. They both knew it had to do with the sudden appearance of Peggy Carter.

They laid in their hotel bed, each with a book in their hands. Their nightly read.

Elizabeth had a hard time focusing on what she was reading. She tried to force away thoughts of Peggy Carter out of her head. She flipped the page and stopped when she noticed her engagement ring. She took a long stare at it.

"Do you regret it?" She asks, turning her head towards him.

"Regret what?" He asks putting his book down and turning to face her.

"You and Peggy breaking up," she says, "Do you regret it?"

Steve is taken back by Liz's question.

"No," he shakes his head, "I don't regret it."

"Do you ever wonder what you're life would've been like had she stayed?"

Steve ponders over the question, "Truthfully? No. Once we said our final goodbyes in London, that was it. I never once gave it another thought. I closed that chapter as soon as I boarded my flight. Not that the breakup didn't hurt. Because it did. I just knew then that she wasn't my future. I never thought I would see her again."

"But you did," Liz quietly says.

"Yeah, which was weird," he says.

"I wouldn't blame you if you wanted out of the relationship to be with her," she says tearing up.

"What? No," Steve quickly says, sitting straight up, "I don't want that."

"I just mean, if you wanted to. I would completely understand. She was your first love."

"Yes, she was. But I don't love her," he says, "I know this is only coming up because we saw her today, and there's been this out of awkward tension in the air ever since. But I don't want to be with Peggy."

Liz glances down at her engagement ring again, trying to hide the tears of insecurity rolling down her face.

"Look at me," he softly says, placing his hand over her's, "I love you and only you. I asked you to marry me because you're the one I want to spend the rest of my life with. You and only. Peggy doesn't mean anything to me. I haven't even thought of her since high school. You mean more to me than anything in this world. Especially more than some high school ex-girlfriend. You, Elizabeth are my entire world."

"Why would you even think that?" He gently asks

"Just seeing her and the way she looked at you before she realized we were engaged," she says, "She wanted you. Then my mind started to wonder if maybe that was a sign for you two to get back together. And maybe you'd realize you regret proposing to me."

"There isn't an ounce of regret in me that makes me feel like I'm making the wrong decision," he assures her, "There is no one else for me. You are it. Proposing to you wasn't for confidence. Proposing to you was the only thing I've ever felt so sure of. It was the only thing I've ever done that I didn't second guess. You are the only thing I've ever felt so sure of."

"This," he grabs her and and gestures between the both of them, "Is where I want to be for the rest of my life. This brings me a peace like no other. You are my peace."

Age: 27

Year: May 2022

Location: Somewhere in Upstate New York

"You are my peace," Steve sniffles, as he holds Elizabeth's hands, tears flowing down both of their faces as they stood up in front of their closest friends and families, reciting their vows.

"I don't think I would be where I am today without you and your continued support. I meant what I said years ago about following you wherever you went. All I ever want is to be by your side. Nothing else has ever meant to me as you do. My future doesn't exist if you're not apart of it. Nothing matters if I don't have you. Since the day we met, twenty years ago, I knew you would play such an important part in my life. We clearly aren't the same people we were then. Yet over the many years you haven't strayed away from being this kind supportive, understanding person. To know one day our future kids will have that as a mother, overwhelms me with joy and love. They will be the most luckiest kids in the world.

"You are it for me. You are my world. I know everyone says weddings and getting married is the start of a new chapter, but it doesn't really feel lie that for us. It just feel like our story is continuing. There's no end in sight. And I'll make sure of that, by being supportive, kind to you for the rest of our lives. There won't be a time where you ever have to question my love for you. Because Elizabeth Sanchez, you are love."

Elizabeth has tears streaming down her face. She didn't' care how she looked. The only person that mattered was the man standing before her, professing his never ending love for her.

The pastors signaled her, that it was now her turn to speak.

"I figured I'd try and keep it short and sweet, because you know exactly how I feel about you Steve," she begins, "There's only one thing I want to say, more so I want to thank you. Thank you for giving me love. An unconditional love that never seems to fade. Since day one of our relationship. You've been patient. You always say I'm the supportive one, but you fail to see that you are too. Even more than me. You've always been willing to drop everything, not just for me but for all the ones you love. Anyone who has Steve Rogers' love, should count themselves as being incredibly special. I am the luckiest pet one out of them all because I get to be the recipient of your love every single day. I am the one who gets to spend the rest of their life calling you my husband. My partner. My life. You've shown me a love like no other. So thank-you Steve, for loving me."

Folklore series taglist: @iheartsebandchris @perksofbeingabookworm @atomicsoulcollecto @void-imaginations @stumbleonmywords

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[twomoonstwosuns]

the interview.

back to you [series masterlist]

previous part · next part

pairing: professor!poe dameron x reader

warning: smut (18+), swearing, fluff

word count: 4.7k

a/n: guys I'm so sad, this is it before the epilogue. I have many thoughts and feelings that I'll put in a different post but this would not be what it’s become without you so THANK YOU!

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“Hey Poe, it’s me. I just got out of my interview. I think it went well, but…I don’t know. We’ll see. I think I rambled a little bit. Anyway, you’re probably going into your interview now so good luck, I love you, you’re going to do great, and I can’t wait to hear all about it tonight. Love you, bye.”

Tucking your phone back into your bag, you walked along the boardwalk towards the café you were meeting Finn at for lunch. He had texted you saying he got stuck in some traffic and would be a few minutes late. You decided to wait for him outside, the view of the ocean sparkling in the bright sun too enticing to not stop and admire for a bit. 

The interview, at least, hadn’t been a disaster. The job was an entry level position at a small public relations firm looking to expand it’s teams. It was nerve-wracking at first at the beginning, but as you learned more about the company and got into comfortable conversation with your interviewer, you felt more confident. There were a few questions you answered that you felt nerves got the better of you, like four years of knowledge just flew right out the window, and you talked in sentences you weren’t even sure were complete. But the woman interviewing you didn’t say anything and at times seemed almost charmed by it. You could only hope. 

As you stood against the wooden fence separating the edge of the boardwalk from a large span of grass, a part of you could see yourself moving to Los Angeles, enjoying the sun everyday and taking weekly trips to Venice or Santa Monica to spend the day by the beach. It was incredibly tempting. 

But you’d be alone, your friends, family, and boyfriend a thousand miles away. You didn’t know if you could enjoy it without any of them there. 

Sunglasses perched on your reddening nose, the gentle ocean breeze moved your curled hair around your face. He sound of the waves was calming, putting you so far into a daze that you didn’t even hear the footsteps approaching you. 

“I promise, if you move here that view will never get old.”

Finn stood behind you, hands in his pockets as he looked at the ocean. He smiled when you jumped at the sound of his voice bringing you out of your calming trance. He took a step towards you and hugged you tightly, lifting you up off the ground. 

“How are you, nugget?”

“I’m good! I miss you. How are you?”

“Also good. Hungry.”

“Come on, let’s go eat then.”

Finn set you down and you followed him into the café, taking a peek at the menu before ordering and bringing a number plaque over to a table. 

“So, congrats on graduating! You’re a real life working adult now. Or, you will be.”

You gave him an uncertain smile. “Thanks…I’m terrified. I’ve had one job interview and I’m ready to marry rich and jet across the world as a trophy wife.”

Finn chuckled. “You’ll be fine. How’d the job interview go?”

“Okay, I think…they said they’d call me within a day or so if they want me to do a second interview. They’re interviewing a few other people so I might not hear anything until tomorrow or even Monday.”

“I think they call you.”

“You’re just biased,” you teased and Finn smirked and shrugged. 

“Maybe a little.” He sent you a wink and you giggled, his tone teasing but the vote of confidence greatly appreciated nonetheless. The waiter came by with the food, sandwiches for both of you, and set them in front of you. 

“So what’s new with you? I’ve barely talked to you the last few weeks…finals and all…”

“Well, I’ve been seeing a girl who lives up here.”

“Really?” You smiled. “Tell me about her.”

“Her name is Paige, I’ve been seeing her about four and a half months now…”

“Since January?” He nodded. “Poe didn’t mention you were seeing anyone…”

“He doesn’t know. I really, really like her and things have been moving kind of fast and I didn’t want to jinx it.”

“Moving fast isn’t a bad thing…hello, I met Kes after a month of dating and told Poe I loved him after two and a half months.”

“And he knew he loved you when Rey and I met you.”

“See? Poe and I are the king and queen moving fast and look at us! We’re happy!” Finn chuckled. “So, tell me more about her. What’s she like?”

Finn smiled and shook his head. “She’s amazing and beautiful and funny…she went to school for business and accounting but found it boring, so she’s worked tons of odd jobs…like, she worked at Disneyland for a bit, she’s an artist and she’s had her paintings featured in a couple galleries around SoCal…currently she works part time at a bar in Santa Monica and she’s an L.A. tour guide on the weekends.”

You quietly squealed. “Look at that smile on your face! You really like her!”

Finn nodded slowly and took his bottom lip and tucked it under his teeth.

“Can you keep a secret?”

You nodded and Finn grabbed his wallet from his pocket. He pulled out a picture and set it in front of you. The blur of black, grey, and white gave way to a very obvious shape in the middle of the picture. 

“Finn!” You gasped, your hand coming up to cover your mouth. The smile on his face was so wide you were sure it would split his face in half. 

“Ten weeks. Well, she’s twelve weeks now. We wanted to wait until the three month mark to start telling people.” You looked up at him, eyes wide. He looked at the sonogram adoringly. “It was a complete accident, so hopefully she likes me enough to put up with me for the rest of our lives.”

Your eyes watered and you smiled widely. “Congratulations!”

“Thanks, nugget. I’m so…fuck, I’m so excited. Granted, this isn’t the way I wanted to do this…I imagine I’d be married first…”

You smiled softly. “As long as that baby is loved, which I have no doubt that he or she will, then who cares how it happened.”

Finn nodded and grabbed the picture, smiling at it once more before putting it back into his wallet. 

“You’re going to be an amazing dad, Finn,” you said softly, placing your hand on his arm. “And I can’t wait to meet your girlfriend.”

“We’re coming up fourth of July weekend. Poe, Rey, and I rent a cabin on the lake and we spend the long weekend there. You’ll probably be coming so you can meet her then.” You nodded happily, already excited for something happening a month and a half away.

“So, when are you and Poe having kids?” You threw your head back and laughed loudly. “What?! You said you guys move fast!”

You threw one of your chips at him and it bounced off of his chest and onto the floor. 

“Yeah, not that fast! I just finished school, I’m not ready to have a baby!”

“But by Christmas, right?” 

You giggled and threw another chip at him, which he caught and popped into his mouth. Your phone buzzed on the table and you saw an unfamiliar number flashing on your screen. Finn looked at it and raised his eyebrows. 

“That’s an L.A. area code.”

You swallowed hard and answered the phone. “Hello?”

“Hi, I’m looking for Y/N L/N.”

“Yes, this is…” you said nervously. Finn looked at you with interest.

“Y/N, this is Jyn Erso with Erso PR.”

“Oh, hi…” Finn mouthed ‘who is it?’ at you and you held a finger up. The woman on the other end chuckled warmly. 

“I can tell you’re a little surprised I’m calling you right now.”

“Yeah, a little…I just left a little under two hours ago.”

“Well, I took a closer look at your resume and some of the work in your portfolio and, with your interview earlier today, I wanted to call and offer you the job.”

Your eyes widened and you stumbled over your words. “Wha—wait, really?”

“I know we said we’d call you to set up a second interview but I was very impressed with you today and I think you’d make a great addition to our team.”

“Wow, um…thank you!” You looked at Finn and bit your lip. “Can I…could I think about it?”

“Of course you can. I know you’re coming from quite a ways away and have a lot of factors to consider, so please take a few days to think about it. The number I’m calling from is my office number, please feel free to call it if you have any questions.”

“I will. Thank you so much.”

“You’re welcome, Y/N. Have a good day and a safe flight home.”

You hung up the call and looked at Finn, your face showing a disbelieving smile. 

“I got the job.”

“Damn, congratulations!” You didn’t, couldn’t, say anything. You were still in a little bit of shock from receiving that phone call. “Or not…?”

“I….I don’t know! I wasn’t expecting this!” You sat back in your chair, crossing your arms in front of you and looking at Finn. “What do I do?”

“Well, you obviously didn’t say yes…did they say you could think about it?” You nodded. “Then you think about it.”

You sighed. “This job…there’s so many opportunities for growth. It’s the kind of job that could kickstart by career. Honestly, I’d be stupid not to take it.”

“But there’s a lot of factors you have to consider.”

“Exactly…I don’t know what to do.” You looked up at Finn. “What do I do?”

Finn sighed and finished off his sandwich, wiping his hands and tossing the napkin in the basket. 

“I wish I could tell you to just take it, but it’s not that easy.”

You exhaled sharply and ran a hand through your hair. 

“No, it’s not.”

》 》 》

The job offer was in the back of your mind the rest of your lunch with Finn and didn’t fully sink in until you were on your way to the airport. You spent the two and a half hour plane ride going through every pro you could think of: the job itself, working and building your career, a new city with lots of opportunities, and sunshine and warmth everyday. But there were also the cons: moving expenses, finding an apartment you could actually afford that was close to work, and navigating a new city. Not to mention your friends and family would be a thousand miles away. 

Poe would be a thousand miles away. 

You walked off the plane and drove home still undecided. Even the drive home couldn’t help you come to a decision. You were much too excited to see Poe and hear about his interview. He had texted you when you landed that he was finishing up with dinner and insisted on waiting for you to get there to eat, but you encouraged him to go ahead without you. Your stomach felt twisted with nerves and there was no room for food at that moment. 

You walked into Poe’s apartment and was immediately greeted by Beebs. The smell of garlic and other spices was intoxicating and you followed it to the kitchen where Poe was dishing it up into containers for you to eat later. 

“Hey!” He looked up at the sound of your footsteps, walking over and pecking your lips quickly before putting the last of the dishes into the dishwasher. “How as your flight?”

“Good,” you said, dropping your stuff and taking off your shoes. “Little turbulent, but fine.”

Poe smiled and came around the counter, leaning against it and crossing his arms. You could hardly contain the smile on your face.

“So?”

Poe smiled widely. “I got the job.”

“You got it?!” You exclaimed. “I’m so proud of you!”

He shook his head in disbelief. “I still can’t believe it…I’ve been pinching myself making sure it was real all day. After all the sabotage from Hux and our secret relationship, Leia really stuck her neck out for me to get this job.” You smiled proudly. “This is just…the best fucking day.”

The smile on his face reached his eyes, which shone brightly with pure happiness. “I’m so, so happy for you, Poe. You deserve this. You’re an amazing teacher and you’re going to make an amazing head of the department. Your department.”

“I haven’t accepted the job yet. I wanted to talk to you about it, especially because you just had a job interview yourself. Which, speaking of, how did it go?”

“I actually got the job too.”

“You did?! Congrats!”

“Thanks…but I’m not going to take it.”

Poe’s smile disappeared. “You’re not?”

You shook your head.

“Why not?”

“I don’t want it.”

“But raved about interviewing for this job. It’s what you’ve been talking about for weeks. You were so excited and now you got it.”

“And you got yours.”

“Babe, I don’t want you to feel like I’m making you choose between me and a job—“

“You’re not,” you stressed, taking a step towards him. “This is my decision. I am choosing you over the job and I’m perfectly okay with it. I’m just starting to job hunt and if I take the first job I’m offered, I can’t build up my interview skills and I won’t know what else is out there. What if I find something better? My gut is telling me this is the right move, so I’m doing it.”

“Have you thought this all the way through? I don’t want you to have any regrets.”

“I have thought about it. I talked to Finn earlier at lunch after they called me and did nothing but think about it while I was waiting for my flight and on the airplane. I was still undecided up until you told me you got your dream job, the one you’ve been talking about for months and months.” You sighed and put your hands on his chest. “You almost sacrificed getting this job to protect me…to protect us. Now you’ve got the job and all I want to be here to hear all about it at the end of the day. And I can’t do that if I’m in California."

Poe gave you a look of uncertainty and you smiled softly. “I love you. So much. We did not fight this hard for our relationship just to do long distance. This is what I truly want.”

Poe nodded and returned your smile. “As long as it’s what you want.”

“It is.”

Silence fell over you for a moment before your delighted squeals pierced the air. Poe had suddenly grabbed your waist, picking you up and spinning you around. Your arms went around his neck and he kissed the spot where your neck met your shoulder before looking at you.

“I got the job.” He smiled and you put your hands on his cheeks.

“You got the damn job.”

You pulled his lips to yours, the two pairs moving passionately together. After months and months of uncertainty and secrecy, things were finally going your way. 

“Do you want to go get a drink to celebrate?”

You smiled suggestively and shook your head. “Maybe tomorrow. Tonight…I want to celebrate with you. Alone. Naked.”

He smirked and you wrapped your legs around his waist as he quickly made his way to his bedroom, his lips connecting with yours once again. He nearly dropped you on the bed in his excitement and you sat up as he got on the bed next to you. You moved to straddle his lap and your kisses grew hotter, the passion just as intense but the desire for each other burning brighter as you ground your hips against his. You grabbed your shirt and brought it up over your head, Poe leaning in and kissing your chest before you could toss it aside. His dark hair was messy from your hands and became more disheveled when you yanked his shirt off. 

He smirked and you wrapped your legs around his waist as he quickly made his way to his bedroom, his lips connecting with yours once again. He nearly dropped you on the bed in his excitement and you sat up as he got on the bed next to you. You moved to straddle his lap and your kisses grew hotter, the passion just as intense but the desire for each other burning brighter as you ground your hips against his. You grabbed your shirt and brought it up over your head, Poe leaning in and kissing your chest before you could toss it aside. His dark hair was messy from your hands and became more disheveled when you yanked his shirt off. 

“You’re sexy,” you said as you ran your hands over his chest. He smirked and reached for the buttons of your dress pants. 

“You’re fucking sexy,” he retorted, dipping his fingers into your underwear and immediately finding your clit. Your mouth opened slightly and he wrapped his arm around your waist and started to lay you down on the bed.

“No, wait!”

Poe froze and you pushed him back to his position on the bed, his eyebrow cocked with curiosity. 

“You want to be on top?”

You smirked mischievously and grabbed his wrist, removing his fingers from your pussy. You brought them to your mouth and gave them a quick suck before moving down his lap and further down the bed, bringing his pants down with you. Kissing his stomach, your fingers dipped under the band of his briefs. He was already hard and you wasted no time removing his briefs and wrapping your hand around him. Poe let out a soft sigh of approval as you pumped him slowly. You swirled your tongue lightly around the tip and Poe let out a sound between a moan and a whimper with a very quiet plea falling from his lips. 

“I’m sorry,” you giggled. “What was that?”

He swallowed hard, his body ringing with want. “Please.”

You smiled up at him and wrapped your lips around him, taking him in your mouth inch by inch. His head fell back against the pillows, closing for just a minute before looking back down at you. He gathered your hair back so it was out of your face, biting his lip and watching your head bob as you sucked him off. A quiet ‘fuck’ left his lips and you released him from your mouth, your hand pumping him quickly and your tongue found the base of his cock. You ran your tongue slowly, teasingly up the length of him before taking him in your mouth again. Your hand and mouth worked in tandem, bringing him closer and closer to the edge each time he watched your cheeks hollow around him. 

But Poe wasn’t ready to be done quite yet.

“G—fuck….get up here.”

You ignored him, sliding your mouth all the way down his length until he touched back of your throat. The groan that came from him came deep from within him and it took all his strength to tug on your hair again instead of giving into the immense pleasure you were giving him and coming too soon. 

“Get up here. Now.”

You let him go with a pop, crawling up into his lap again. “Mmm, bossy. I like it.”

He smirked as you grabbed him again to line him up with your entrance. “Another day, sweetheart.”

You bit your lip and nodded as you sunk down on him slowly, a soft groan leaving your lips as he filled you all the way up. He attached his lips to your neck, his teeth leaving little love bites along your collarbone as you grinded against him. Your hand came back up to his hair, tugging the inky strands at the base of his neck and he quietly moaned at the mix of pain and pleasure. 

“F—ohhh…fuck, baby…” your voice was breathy, a sound Poe could listen to forever. The way you called him ‘baby’, even in the throes of pleasure, tugged on his heartstrings a little bit. One hand splayed across your back, the ends of your hair threading between his fingers. The other hand rested on your hips, his fingers digging into your skin as each shot of pleasure hit deep in your stomachs. 

Poe’s lips traveled down to your chest and attached to your breast, sucking small marks onto your skin. A symphony of sounds filled the room: the sound of skin slapping against skin, yours and his moans of pleasure, and his name tumbling past your lips with a slew of expletives. Your hand found his headboard, grabbing it to use as leverage and support as your body was weakened by pleasure.

He kissed up your neck and found your lips once again, his tongue invading your mouth and tangling with yours. You moved faster, your body becoming slick with exertion. You struggled to kiss him back, your quick movements making you nearly gasp for breath. You rode him hard, the both of you chasing the high you wanted so badly. 

You whimpered as you the burn in your belly grew hotter, the mind-blowing orgasm you always got with Poe building. Poe felt the same, having used a great deal of strength to hold off so he could give you the same kind of ecstasy you were giving him. Your body tensed and you clenched around him as his cock found that spot that drove you absolutely wild. 

“Come for me, baby…” Poe’s voice was also breathless but still held the tone of finality, like he was commanding you. The idea alone spurred you on further and his hands helped you slam yourself down onto his cock, your body movements becoming sloppy as you started to lose control. “Come on baby, that’s it.”

His thumb found your clit and he rubbed it quickly, the sudden addition of stimulation making your body twitch and send you over the edge. You came hard, your body shaking in his hands and a loud moan coming from deep within your throat as the iron struck white hot in your lower stomach. He held you still and thrust up into you and your hand shook the headboard, making it loudly knock against the wall. Poe gritted his teeth and his head fell back as he came, spurt after spurt of his release filling you up. You both slowed, the intensity of your orgasms making you fight to catch your breath like you just ran a marathon. Your head fell against his and he presses his lips to whatever part of your face that was closest to him. 

“You…you ride me so well.”

You let out a breathless laugh, allowing Poe to put both arms around you and bring you down on top of him as he laid back against his pillows. He rubbed your back slowly, neither of you bothering to move. His softening cock stayed nestled inside you as the both of you catching your breath in the afterglow.

“You know, I was thinking?” Poe asked after several minutes of comfortable silence. You hummed in acknowledgement. “You should move in with me.”

You looked up at him, your fingers running along the silver chain around his neck. 

“You don’t think it’s too soon?”

“It might be…but I also know this is what I want.”

He reached up and tucked a strand of hair behind your ear, his fingers lingering. 

“We went on our first date on Valentine’s Day but we’ve technically been dating since Halloween,” he said, the memories making you smile. “I know it was supposed to be just a one time hookup and then after that just casual sex but it ended up being a lot of talking. We were basically on dates, we just did sex first and got to know each other afterwards. So, in my mind, we’ve been together for about seven and a half months.”

He ran his knuckle across your cheek and you didn’t know if your cheeks were still flushed from sex or  if they were flushing from the way he was looking at you - with pure love and adoration. 

“If it’s too soon for you, it’s okay. I do want to move in with you, but we can wait until you’re ready. Just the fact that you’ll be close by instead of hours and hours and hours away is good for me.”

You took in every word he said. The whole point of your plan to decline the job offer was to be with Poe, and moving in with him would mean being with him all the time. There was a sliver of doubt that crossed your mind, that maybe you’d get annoyed with each other after living together for awhile and learning each other’s daily quirks. 

“What do you see? When you think about us moving in together?”

Poe smiled softly. He knew exactly what kind of house he wanted to move into someday. Since he imagined having a kid or two, he wanted a basement or an extra room to be used as a playroom. He wanted a big backyard with a large deck and fire pit for late summer nights. He’d thought about it plenty, imagined his future home many many times before you, but it became so much more clear to him after you told him you loved him. Poe had been thinking of you moving in since before graduation, but held off saying anything because of your job interview. He didn’t want you to feel pressured if you had gotten the job…like you had to give up the opportunity because you were moving. 

He wanted all that with you, but he wouldn’t sacrifice your future to make his come true.

“Well…” He started, making sure to word things carefully so he wouldn’t scare you with how much he’d thought this through. “For now, we’d find a bigger apartment or a townhouse to rent…somewhere where there’s enough space for all of your things as well as mine…I think we’ve seen enough of the inside of this apartment.” You laughed lightly and nodded. “Maybe find one with an extra room we can turn into an office for us to work in. Eventually I’d like to buy a house, but I think that’s a few years away still.”

Though Poe was sparing you details, you could tell he’d been put a lot of thought into it. You didn’t blame him, he was in his early thirties and wanting to start settling down and building a life. You were still young, twenty-two with all the adventures of your twenties waiting for you…but you couldn’t imagine doing any of them without Poe. Navigating your way into the world post-education was going to be difficult. Nothing is promised. But having a place of your own to come home to with someone you loved, where you could relax and unwind and have that feeling of comfort and safety…you wanted that. 

“That’s just what I’ve been thinking. We certainly don’t have to, if you don’t want to.” His voice brought you back from our own thoughts and you nodded slowly and continued to play with his necklace. 

“You know I was talking to Finn earlier about how we move fast but everything’s worked out pretty good so far.” You shrugged, biting back the wide smile that was threatening to take over your face. “I don’t see why we should stop now.”

A smile slowly spread across Poe’s face. “Really?”

You nodded and sat up a little bit so you were hovering over him. 

“Let’s start looking. See what we find. In the meantime…”

“You’ll move in with me?” He asked hopefully, his eyes lighting up like a kid in a candy store. You smiled widely. 

“I would love to move in.” Poe leaned up and kissed your lips squarely and surely. “I can leave now, start packing…”

“Oh no,” Poe smirked as he wiggled his eyebrows. “You’re not going anywhere. Tonight, we celebrate.”

He rolled you over onto your back, never separating from you and burying his face in your neck and kissing it all over. Your laughter filled the room and you kissed him passionately, the room soon filling with different noises of pure happiness. 

You couldn’t wait to start your future with him. 

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[teamhappyme]

to care for you

rafael barba x female!reader

referenced cases from S17E04 and S17E16

word count: 4k

a/n: this is my first fic that I’m letting the world see and I’m... terrified. i hope whoever reads this gets some joy out of it. shoutout to @qvid-pro-qvo and @hurricanejjareau , y’all got me roped into loving the SVU boys, and this would not have been created if I hadn’t found your blogs. big inspiration over here. alright, here we go friends.

****

“Well you’re going, right?” 

“I haven’t decided.” “Haven’t decided? It’s Liv and Noah, Barba. A christening for the cutest little boy and the most deserving mother. They’ve been through hell this year, they deserve our support. Besides, you’re a devout Catholic, you should be all in for this.”

“First of all, he’s getting christened in a Unitarian church. Second, I wouldn’t exactly use the term devout. The last time I went to church was with you and Carisi after that trafficking case last year.” He said while grabbing another slice of pizza. In your three years since joining the SVU this was the first time you saw Rafael Barba eat a slice of pizza. 

“Careful. You might get some grease on that thousand dollar suit, Counselor.” He glared at you before taking a bite. “If you’re worried about the priest smelling your absence out, Carisi and I have enough devotion to pass on to you.”

“I don’t want any of Carisi’s Catholic guilt.” “You need me to take your confession?” You asked with a smirk. 

There weren’t many people that could get away with pushing Barba’s buttons without getting chewed out by the ADA in his next breath. And when you first started out with the squad, there were many occasions where you and Barba had some heated arguments.

Getting transferred to SVU was an overwhelming experience. You were thrown into the understaffed department right along with Carisi, so the two of you had to step up pretty quick for the unit. There was no adjustment period, trust wasn’t built, it was forced upon the squad. It took about two months for you to really trust the other detectives, but once you did, the unit got into a groove. Cases were being solved left and right and you started to understand the routine of the SVU. 

Until you had to testify. It was six months in, and it was your first testimony with the unit. It was also the first rape case you worked with minor victims. There were four fifteen year old girls accusing their history teacher of rape, two of which disclosed to you. 

You prepped with Barba for an hour the night before, making sure you knew the case inside and out. You felt confident in your answers, and were ready to take the stand. Until the following morning. On your walk down to the courtroom with him, you rushed into the ladies room to vomit up your coffee and your anxiety. Public speaking was never one of your strong suits, and Barba had cautioned you to be prepared for Buchanon’s toxic cross examination.

As you washed your hands and cleared your face, Rafael stayed outside the door, even deterring a woman from coming in. Once you exited, he was waiting at the side, pulling a granola bar and stick of gum out of his blazer pocket. You took the food, as he gave you a nod and waited for your okay to continue the walk down to the courtroom. A slight nod of your own and weak smile got his feet moving again. 

That trial was the first olive branch extended between you and Rafael. He wasn’t one to offer warm greetings, and since you were often glued to Carisi’s hip, it was hard for him to separate you from the enthusiastic detective. There were passive aggressive comments relayed back and forth while trying to indict a perp, and long nights spent deliberating probable cause at the round table. But it wasn’t until you accompanied Liv to One Hogan Place, in a particularly bad mood when you sassed the ADA back after he made a comment about your witnesses being incredibly unreliable, not having time for the shenanigans. 

After that moment, Rafael knew that he could trust you. The passive aggressive comments yielded, but the sass continued. The repertoire the two of you were slowly building drew quite the audience, Carisi and Rollins almost always feeding the fire with more topics to discuss. 

About a year into your tenure here, you started to check in on Barba. The first time you stopped by was originally a business call. Liv needed a warrant asap, already staking out the apartment of a suspect. You rushed over to the courthouse, trying to find any ADA’s secretary when you saw Barba still in his office at midnight. According to Carmen, he rarely went home before 9:00. After that night, you made it a habit to check in on him at least once a week. The DA’s office was a cutthroat environment, and Barba’s office was an even lonelier place. 

Thursday nights were penciled in for your unofficial drop ins, almost through the week but still burning the midnight oil. You would show up around 10:00 with pizza for you, and sushi for his expensive taste every time, knowing neither one of you had time to eat dinner yet. Most of the time, the two of you would work on your respective cases, sometimes sharing notes if the work overlapped. But if it was a slow week, sometimes the two of you would just, talk. It was nice to be able to talk to someone who understood the demanding nature of the job. Your family in particular couldn’t understand why you loved this career so much, but your squad could. It was reassuring to have their support.

“Alright, enough with the holier than thou attitude, Detective. I actually wanted to talk to you about the case.” Sitting up a little straighter in your chair, you wiped your hands on a napkin as he pulled out a manila folder. “I’ve been encouraged by the D.A. to drop the charges against Bobby D’Amico and Noel Panko.”

“What?” “And I have a motions hearing scheduled for Friday morning to dismiss the charges.”

After everything the squad had done for this case, what you saw Amanda put herself through. It was all for nothing.

“Barba, you can’t be serious. We have three victims, two willing to testify. We have footage of them attempting to rape Rollins for crying out loud.”

“Kristi Cryer has changed her story too many times. She was raped, then it was consensual, it was Panko, it was Panko and D’Amico. A jury will never believe her story.” You crossed your arms over your chest. “The jury won’t believe her or you won’t?”

“Hey, you know this isn’t about what I think. This isn’t a case we can win. We have to look at the optics.”

“The optics,” you muttered as you stood up from your seat. “Multiple women were raped by two well-known men in New York society, and the D.A. doesn’t want to make any enemies, right?” 

“You’re taking this worse than Liv did.” You scoffed. “Am I? Good. Because for the rest of their lives, those girls will have to live with the fact that their rapists are still out there. Not to mention their reputations will be ruined. People are going to call them liars, and whores. Their lives are never going to be the same. All because you won’t stand up to the D.A. and do what’s right?” 

Rafael stood up now, his loosened tie swinging from the sudden movement. “If this goes to trial, it will not go our way.”

“What about when you went after DCFS? You went after Musio, Grayson, Sheridan,”

“That was different,” “Why because it was Liv?”

“Because the department was a mess, and there were months worth of evidence of neglect and backdating reports. You were there, and if I remember correctly you were fighting alongside Liv to get me to prosecute.”

You ran your fingers through your hair, not willing to accept that this case was over. “These girls deserve justice, Barba. You were there when Panko went off at Dodds, he knows he’s done.”

“I want these guys just as bad as you do, Y/n. But we do not have the evidence. It’s a he said she said case, with one other accusation from a year ago without a rape kit. Not to mention Rollins went undercover without notifying a superior, tainting the whole investigation. We will make a fool out of ourselves and lose this case in court.”

“And it’s all about winning for the D.A.’s office, isn’t it. Can’t do anything out of the kindness of your hearts, can you?” You knew you crossed the line as you saw Rafael’s shoulder’s drop the slightest bit, his jaw clenched in place. 

“Maybe if you passed the Bar instead of failing three times you could understand why we can’t pursue this. We can’t bring a case to trial based on our emotions. This isn’t your tissue loaded desks, this is a courthouse.” 

You broke the tense eye contact you were holding after his statement. Insulting your academic failures and empathetic tendencies in one foul swoop. That was a low blow, even for the counselor.

Rafael knew his words pierced you. He pushed his chair back and let out a breath, getting ready to back track. But you beat him to the punch. 

“You know, my capability of empathizing with victims is the reason why you’ve put so many rapists away. If they had to speak to you, there would be no cases for you to even prosecute.”

This wasn’t a normal spout between the two of you. Things rarely got personal, and if they did, they were never this spiteful. 

“Then I guess there’s a reason I’m prosecuting in front of the judge and jury and you’re dealing with the victims.”

You scoffed at his final statement. You knew he was cocky, but you didn’t think he would use your insecurities or shortcomings against you. Especially not the fact that you failed the Bar Exam three times, which was only disclosed to him once Carisi opened his big mouth.

Covering your head with your beanie, you made your way to the door before either one of you could do more damage. You fought the urge to apologize, knowing you would need space before you could think of a response.

“Have a good night, Counselor.”

****

“Oh my goodness, Benjamin! Look at that tower you made with Maura! Did you show Luke?” “No. Mama saw it!” You smiled at the two year old through the phone, his own grin lighting up the room even over facetime. “Benjamin, is mama there? Y/n/n wants to talk to her for a minute.”

“I can bring you to her!” Maura took the phone out of the toddler’s hands, but you quickly protested so you could say goodbye to your godson. “Bye Benny, I love you buddy.” He blew you a kiss and you caught it as your little cousin brought you across the room. 

“Auntie Leah! Y/n/n wants to talk to you.” She handed the phone over while settling in next to her aunt. You saw your older cousin’s calming face, and couldn’t help the tears in your eyes.

“I haven’t even said anything and you're already crying,” You let out a laugh and took a sip of water. “Sorry. It’s been a long day.” 

“Y/n, are you at the precinct? It’s 8:00 your time on thanksgiving, what are you doing there?”

“There was some work I needed to get done. If I can’t be with you guys, I can at least get a head start so I can come home for Christmas.” The squadroom was empty now, but it had only been filled by the desk sergeant and a couple uni’s until five. You’d been here since noon, not succeeding in spending the holiday alone in your apartment. “Besides, I’ve been able to ignore all of my mother’s phone calls with the ‘I’m working’ excuse. Has she called you guys yet?”

“Just mom once. You know she doesn’t mean it to hurt you, she just wishes you could spend time with family for the holidays.” “I know.”

Your family meant the world to you, and having missed the last two years of holidays was hard on you. Sure, you saw them eventually, but Christmas and Thanksgiving weren’t the same alone.

“Since I’ve already started Christmas shopping, is there anything Benjamin needs or wants from his godmother?” “He has requested, and I quote, ‘y/n/n’s nummy cookies’.” The smile that spread across your face was so big it almost hurt. That baby boy was probably your favorite person on the planet, besides your own nieces and nephews. “Alright well hopefully he can help Y/n/n make those nummy cookies in a few weeks. If not, I’ll send a box out, along with an amazing present.”

“What about me?” Maura asked, and you just shook your head. “Hey, I’m not made out of money here girlfriend.” She laughed at that.

“Have you at least eaten anything today?” Leah asked, trying to steer the conversation into a more meaningful direction. She could read you so easily. “Yes, I have. I’m not going to be here much longer, so I’ll grab something for dinner on my way home.”

“Y/n/n,” The eight year old interrupted again, and you couldn’t help the smile that etched across your face as you rolled your eyes at the silly nickname. 

“Yes, Maura.” 

“There’s a fancy man walking towards you.” 

You turned your head and saw Barba walking through the squadroom. “I gotta go, Leah.” 

“Is everything okay?”

He pulled over Carisi’s chair, raising a brow to make sure it was okay. You nodded.

“It’s okay. Just a colleague. I’ll talk to you later.” “Okay. We love you and miss you.” Tears pooled in your eyes again as Maura hopped on. “Love you Y/n/n!” A tear fell from your eye as you let out a laugh. “Love you too guys. Bye.”

You ended the call, quickly wiping your eyes now that you had an audience. It was only last night that you had your rather animated argument, and neither of you had reached out. Being stubborn was one of many traits the two of you shared.

“Can I help you, counselor?” 

He held up a brown bag with a receipt stapled to the fold. “It’s thursday night. It’s usually you making trips to the office, but I figured I could take the field trip tonight.” 

He opened up the bag, pulling out cartons of Chinese food. Your hand immediately reached for the fortune cookies, ripping the plastic wrapper off. 

There was a lingering tension in the air, unresolved conflict, and hurt feelings, but it still felt okay. Mainly because the two of you knew you were both to blame. 

“How did you know I was here?” You asked while grabbing the carton of lo mein. “I called Carisi. He said you were supposed to be in Minneapolis for the holiday, but got wrapped up in the case. Said he offered his family to you, but after hearing the commotion over the phone, I understand why you declined.”

“I didn’t decline because of their raucous personalities. I just wanted to get some work done.” 

He digressed, retreating into his carton of fried rice. “What about you? Why aren’t you eating pie and decorating for Christmas with your lovely mother?”

“She volunteered this year. Since Abuelita died, she hasn’t been a big fan of holidays.” You nodded, knowing how hard it was for Rafael to grieve his abuelita last year. 

“How has she been doing?”

He shrugged. “She has good days and bad days. She blames herself most of the time, but she has her school, and her kids to keep her upright.” “And you.” His eyes met yours for a brief second, the corners of his mouth turning up the slightest. He always wanted to do more for his family. 

“Was that who you were on the phone with? Your family from Minneapolis?” 

“Yeah. I was supposed to go out there for thanksgiving, but when we caught Kristi’s case, I cancelled. I thought,” You stopped, knowing any mention of the case would bring up last night’s conversation.  

“We were going to trial.” He finished the sentence and you nodded.

If everything had gone according to plan, Panko and D’Amico would’ve been indicted this week and the trial would’ve begun the following week. You’d already started prepping Kristi with Rollins, making sure she knew her story backwards and forwards. But it was all for nothing it seems.

“Y/n, what I said last night,” You shook your head. “We both said things we didn’t mean. I started it, and was completely out of line.” 

“You weren’t. You were fighting for Kristi, and your case. I just, I didn’t want to hear it.” He ran a hand through his hair, not perfectly quaffed like usual. “I shouldn’t have brought up the Bar. It was low, extremely low, and you didn’t deserve it. You and Carisi could take me out in court in a day. And if you ever tell him that, I’ll deny it until I die.” You laughed while taking an egg roll, crossing your finger over your heart. “Cross my heart and hope to die.”

You let the apology sink in for a minute before starting your own. “I know you would’ve brought this to trial if we had enough evidence. I know that you care about the victims just as much as we do. I’m sorry that I said you didn’t.”

Poking around the container, he let out a scoff. “You weren’t that far off. I’m the D.A.’s puppet, letting him decide which cases I prosecute or not. We don’t have a lot of room for an emotional influence. I know how cold I can be with vics and witnesses.”

“That doesn’t mean you don’t care.” 

“Tell that to Kristi Cryer. She posted a vlog today, ripped me a new one for not believing her. Called the D.A.’s office, and I quote, ‘a bunch of spineless jellyfish.’ She’s not wrong. I mean,” He let out a humorless laugh. “I went to law school so I could help people. At least, that’s what I’ve been telling myself the last twenty years. But in reality, I’ve been climbing the bureaucratic totem pole, pushing myself further and further away from that kid in the Bronx.”

“You don’t seriously believe what Cryer said do you?” He shrugged, not meeting my eyes. You sighed, placing the carton on your desk, leaning over to rest your hand on his arm. “You are the Assistant District Attorney for the Sex Crimes division. People do not last here if they don’t care about the victims. I’ve seen you in court, in testimony prep, hell even in interrogation. You care about every single person that needs our help. Does it suck that the law is not the most accommodating to rapists and pedophiles? Yeah, it’s really shitty. But you didn’t write the law books, as much as you like to believe you did.” A smile crept onto his face. “You care about your mom, your abuelita, everyone that helped you in the Bronx. I know you care about us, even Carisi, although you’d never admit it. You are not a spineless jellyfish, no matter how fun it is to say.”

“You really believe that?” He still couldn’t meet your eyes. It always amazed you how easily the most put together people could fall victim to their insecurities. 

“Rafael, I would not be spending every Thursday night for the past two years with you if I didn’t believe that you were one of the most kind-hearted people I’ve ever met. I care about you.”

His green eyes finally met yours as he moved to gently hold your hand that was previously resting on his forearm. He gave it a soft squeeze as you smiled, trying to ignore the butterflies that started blooming in your stomach. The same butterflies that rested there every time your hands brushed when you were walking down the hallway, or when his hand rested at the small of your back to escort you into the courtroom. And after tonight, and the way he was looking back at you, you knew he felt them too.

You spent the next ten minutes finishing off the takeout, sitting in a comfortable silence, not needing to fill the moment with anything else. The two of you kept sneaking glances at one another, breaking out into a sheepish grin if you were caught. 

Once you were done eating, Rafael cleaned up the food as you got all your belongings together for the long weekend. It wasn’t until that moment you realized he wasn’t wearing an expensive suit; he had on a navy blue quarter zip, black jeans, and some loafers. A smile crept up on your face knowing that you got to see him in casual clothes.

“Ready?” He asked as you slipped on your gloves and pushed your chair in behind you. “Ready.” 

You lived close enough to the precinct that it was only a ten minute walk. Rafael lived in the other direction, but still insisted on walking you back to your apartment. An Uber could pick him up from there, he said, because that man would not be caught dead walking across the city in his loafers.

He called for a ride as you approached your block, not wanting him to wait in the cold too long. As you approached the brick walk up, you started to fidget with the keys resting in your pocket. 

“Thank you for dinner. And a double thank you for not making me eat your sushi.” He smiled. “You’re welcome. Thank you for being such good company.”

“Anytime.” A sharp gust of wind hit you, causing you to duck your head into your coat for a few seconds. When you looked back up, Rafael’s cheeks were rosy red and wind burnt, and absolutely adorable. “I’ll see you next week for a warrant, I’m sure.”

“I’m sure. Make sure to get me a coffee on the way, listening to you list the legal reasons why you need the warrant always makes me sleepy.” 

You smiled.“Deal. Goodnight, Raf.”

“‘Night, Y/n.” 

Despite the farewell statements, neither one of you moved. You couldn’t bring yourself to look away from his warm eyes, and it wasn’t until you felt his fingers brush against yours that you moved closer. 

His eyes flickered to your lips for a second, before looking back at you. You took another step towards him, waiting for him to close the gap between you. When he did, all you could feel was the warmth of his lips on yours, and the cold tip of his nose resting against your cheek. 

It was short, the two of you pulling away after a few seconds. But one smile from you had him leaning back in, resting a hand on your cheek as he kissed you again. It was slow and careful, but full of adoration. You couldn’t help but smile into him, bringing your hand up to rest against his own. After a few more seconds, his own smile made it impossible to stay connected. 

This time when you pulled away, you rubbed your thumb across his red, wind burnt cheek, not even trying to suppress the stupid smile on your face. And you were happy to see him grinning the same way.

“I’ll call you tomorrow,” He said, shifting his head just enough to press a kiss to the palm of your hand. Neither one of you is willing to ruin this moment with any talks about what this means. “Okay. Get home safe.” “I will.”

One more look at his rosy red cheeks, and you let out a laugh before you let yourself pull away.

“What?” He asked, completely dumbfounded by his affect on you. You shook your head in response. “Nothing.”

He returned your laughter before lightly kissing your lips one last time. You could get used to this. 

“Goodnight, counselor.” You said once you pulled away, lightly shoving him toward the ride that just pulled up. 

“Goodnight, detective.”

****

[bkfics]

VI.

[Back to your pov]

After seeing Ryota off you go back home as a sigh leaves your mouth remembering what he mouthed towards you.

‘Okāsan, are we going to ‘pa and ‘ma.?’ Kisara asks you referring to their grandparents.

You let out another sigh as you recall your conversation on the phone with Sakusa a few days ago, saying that you were gonna take the kids to your parents in Tokyo ‘cuz they miss them.

— Flashback —

‘What can I do for you, Sakusa-san?’ You asked him.

‘San? I, hmm.. can we talk about this in person?’

‘Sure. I’m free tomorrow morning, is that okay?’

‘Well.. I’m in Tokyo right now.. I don’t know when i’ll be coming back to Osaka.. but I really need to talk to you about it.’

Not knowing what to say, you stayed silent and he did too.

‘Aish, whatever. I’m just gonna ask you now-‘ he broke the awkward silent and you could hear his anxiousness and frustration by the tone of his voice.

You started being uneasy about this phone call, but you’re not the type of person to not help people when they need some, maybe he had something important to tell you, so you cut him off.

‘Is it important?’ You asked him while he was taking deep breathes.

‘Yes.’ He says as he continues his deep breathes.

‘Look, I’m coming to Tokyo in three days, I’m taking the kids to my parents, however i’ll be staying for a day, maybe we can meet then.’

‘A-alright! That’s perfect! I’ll see you then, thank you!’ He said with a relief tone.

— End of flashback —

You’re now checking if you’ve packed everything the twins need for the next 3 weeks.

‘Okāsan, why can’t you stay with us in Tokyo?’ Kazuhiko asks while he’s pulling down the edge of your t-shirt.

‘I already took a lot of time away from work honey. If i take more time, i’ll get fired. So, promise to behave and have a lot of fun even if Okāsan isn’t there, okay?’

He nods and starts sulking as he walks off to Kisara.  

‘Are you guys ready?’ Let’s go.’ You say taking their hands and making your way to take the Shinkansen in the station.

After a few minutes the train set off, the kids are already sleeping. You start looking out the window and can’t help thinking about what Sakusa wanted to talk about.

‘Is it really that important he needs to tell me in person?’ ‘Maybe he wants to apologize properly when he broke up with me.’ ‘What if he’s getting married and wants to invite me?’ ‘I don’t really think that i’m ready to see him settle down.’ ‘Should i just call him back to tell him that i can’t meet him?’ You start murmuring without noticing that Kisara is awake and calling you.

‘Okāsan, who are you talking to?’

‘Huh? No one baby, do you need something?’ You ask her after snapping out from your thoughts.

‘I want to do sport like nii-chan.’ She tells you after getting on your lap.

‘That’s great honey, do you also want to play baske-‘

‘No..’ she cuts you off with a sad tone.

‘What’s wrong honey?’ You cup her cheeks and make her look at you.

‘I know Otōsan and nii-chan play basketball-‘

She starts looking away from you and you wait for her to finish what she wants to say.

‘I like basketball.. but then i saw that cool Ojīsan in black uniform last time.. the way he looks at the ball and smiles at it.. i want to play volleyball, Okāsan.’ She looks at you determined and her eyes start watering.

‘It’s good that you know what you want to do, did you think that i’d be against it?’

She nods.

‘No baby, i’d never force you to do something you don’t want, we’ll look for a cool volleyball club later, okay?’

She nods a lot with a big smile stamped on her face and she hugs you.

A few minutes later, you arrive in Tokyo and you find your parents at the exit of the station and the kids start running towards them.

‘MAAA, PAAA!!’ They shout as they get picked up by them.

You smile at the sight of your happy family.

‘Welcome back home, my princess.’ Your dad hugs you.

‘Dad, I can’t breathe. I-I’m not a kid anymore, please.’ You tell him as he tightens his hug.

‘But you’ll always be a kid for us.’ Your mom denies your statement as she joins your family hug.

‘Let’s go home and play before lunch, i know you’re full of energy.’ She tells the kids with a smile.

‘Actually, i have to meet someone, so go head before me, i’ll see you at home.’

‘Someone? Wait.. Is it “him”?’ Your father intuitively asks you and you nod avoiding his gaze.

‘We actually met him a few days ago, he passed by, i know you guys have a lot to talk about.’ Your mom joins the conversation.

‘What did he do there..?’ You ask puzzled about his actions.

‘He went to the tre-‘ She’s about to tell everything, but she stops herself mid sentence.

‘Nothing! He just passed to greet us. Just go, before you get late at your meeting, don’t make him wait.’ You look at her suspiciously.

Sus. F*cking sus.

After saying bye, you walk towards the taxis and get on one. You tell the driver the address of your meeting place with Sakusa. The taxi passes a few blocks and you arrive at the destination, after getting off the taxi you realize that the café in front of you is the same place where you had some dates with him. After thanking and paying the driver, you make your way inside only to find him already seated in the usual same spot waving at you.

You freeze on your feet, almost having a panic attack, but you encourage yourself not to be nervous and starts walking again towards him. ‘It’s gonna be okay.’ You assure yourself.

‘Good morning, Sakusa-san.’ You greet him with a smile and confidently as you sit.

‘Good morning too, thanks for coming.’

There’s an awkward silence that’s slowly becoming tension that could be cut with a knife.

‘So’ You start to talk to break the silence.

‘Let’s- I’m sorry, go ahead-’ He says at the same time.

‘No no, it’s fine. I also cut you off, I’m sorry.’

He starts giggling that becomes a laugh. That laugh, you never knew how you missed it and without noticing it, you’re laughing along with him.

‘Kiyoomi.’ He says after laughing and you look at him confused.

‘Call me Kiyoomi again, Y/N.’

You start feeling shy, so you just nod as you avoid his gaze.

‘Let’s order something first, okay?’ Again, you just nod at him and take the menu from the waiter.

As your orders have been taken, he starts talking to you again.

‘It’s been so long since we came to this café, do you still remember?’

‘Yeah.. how could I forget about it? This is exactly the place that you covered my face with facemasks before coming in, so that the-‘

‘The other boys wouldn’t look at your face, hahaha’ You start blushing as he laughs and looks into your eyes.

‘You also took my jacket so that-‘ he starts.

‘The girls knew you were already with someone.’ This time you’re the one that finished his sentence and your face turned red as a tomato.

‘Hmm. So, how have you been?’ He asks turning away his face so that you can’t see him blush.

‘I’ve been very busy, but I’m living a happy life. So, you actually became a pro, like as you said back then. That’s nice!’ You tell him with an honest smile.

‘Yeah.. and.. you actually became a mother..’ He says looking straight in your eyes, with a feint sadness in it, but mostly a serious stare.

‘Yeah..’

Just as he’s about to say something, the waiter comes with your orders, you both thank him and start eating. You just keep eating, not even trying to look at him and you can feel that he’s watching you while he eats his pie.

He might not have notice it at first but he’s smart enough to put 2+2 together, by your reaction he probably guessed correctly that he’s related to the twins, but he still wants to hear it from you.

After finishing your coffees, your hand starts trembling and he immediately notices it, so he puts his hand on yours.

‘Hey, it’s okay.. let’s go in a quieter place, alright? Let’s go the park near the bus stop.’

Feeling his touch again makes you really calm, so you decide in your mind ‘It’s time to tell him.’, he needs to know the truth, he can be mad or disappointed but he has the rights to know and it’ll be up to him to believe you or not. You stand up from your seat and start following him after paying the bill.

After a few minutes of walking, you’re now at the park and you both sit on a bench under a cherry blossom.

‘A-actually, I have something to tell you.’ You say without losing time.

‘Me too, but you go first.’

‘Well, it’d be rude of me. You’re the one that invited me to talk. So, you should go first.’ You tell him with a feint smile.

‘It’s a question, actually. I need you to be honest.’

You nod and look at him, you suddenly feel a little breeze.

‘Am I the twins’ father?’ He asks with no hesitation and straight to the point.

Your eyes widened after hearing him, you can’t even utter a single word. ‘How did he come up a with a question like that?’ you ask yourself.

‘Why didn’t you tell me?’

‘I.. it’s because..’ You look down on the ground and after a few seconds you finally look into his eyes.

‘You didn’t want someone to hold you back, right?’

He’s now the one that stays silent, not being able to utter a word, so you continue.

‘You’d probably think of me as crazy girlfriend if I told you back then, that I was only inventing excuses only to make you stay with me.’

‘I still deserve to know that, they’re my kids.’ He gets up and starts raising his voice a little.

‘For four years I didn’t know their existence, I could’ve been there for them! For you! But you hid them from me! How selfish of you!’

‘Selfish? Me? Who’s the one that broke up with someone just to pursue their career after promising that they’ll be together no matter what happened? It ain’t me. Also, what would’ve happen if told you then? You already decided to break up with me, but knowing about the twins, it would’ve been a responsibility for you. You’d probably just stay because of them, because you’re the father. If that had been the case, then yes. I’d be selfish as much as I want. I don’t want someone to stay because of a responsibility that they can’t take back, I wanted you to stay for me and them, but you choose your career, right? Well, since you’re living your dream, congratulations.’ You also stand up as your blood starts rushing to your head and your eyes starts watering.

‘If you don’t want to be held back, just go and pretend that you never knew about it. I raised them for four years and still can raise them even if i’m alone.’ Your make up is getting messy as your tears keep falling, but you’re serious about raising them alone if he doesn’t want anything to do with you three.

‘I would’ve stayed because I still loved you! I know it was a stupid idea, but the more I stayed with you, the more I get distracted during matches and practices. I was a jerk. I regretted it and still regret it. But! After what happened at the match, I still care about you, it was right there that I knew that I want you back! Now I want to meet and know the twins too.. so please. Can we start all over again and become a family? I know it’s gonna be hard for the kids to understand.. but.. don’t you feel anything for me?’ He tells you as he kneels down in front of you.

‘Feel anything for you? The moment I saw you after four long years, I still had butterflies in my stomach, you baka.’ You say in your head.

‘I don’t know about that yet. You can start being there for the kids, I’m not sure If they’ll see you as their father.. give me some time to think about.. us two.’ You tell him as you drag him to stand up.

‘I understand.. can I see them right now?’ He asks after wiping some tears from his eyes.

You nod and think that it’s also time for the twins to know who their real father is, you hope that they at least acknowledge that he’s their real dad.

You know you love Kiyoomi. You still love him. But not as much as before.. you try to love him more like you used to.. but there’s a feeling that it pains your heart when you try your hardest to give your entire being to him.. you’re getting confused ideas about why you can’t fully commit to it. Ahh, It’s Ryota. Yep, now you remember what he mouthed to you at the airport and what you heard him say that night. For him, you and the kids are his home.

masterpost | V. | VII.

FACTS: 

The one that inspired Kazuhiko to play basketball was Ryota. 

The night that Ryota confessed his feelings while you were sleeping, you were actually awake and you also cried. 

@rrroadkill @samwise-though @lola2001 @velociraptorenthusiast @mjade1321 @farmertoshi @kurosiee @googiembul @hohoshiumi @floralkawa @miwtze @crapimahuman @setsukobb

if your name have “—” it’s because i can’t seem to tag you. i’m sorry! :((

[youreacowgirllikeme]

Time Will Tell: Part Two

note: alright, here is part two of @peppermintschnappss request (if you haven’t yet, you can read part one HERE) this one’s a bit smuttier and fluffier, I hope you like it

words: 4.1 k

warnings: swearing, smut (fingering, unprotected sex)

enjoy :)

 

(New York City, six years later)

 “Alright, here we are, welcome to your new office, Ms. Y/L/N.”

 “Wow, its bigger than I imagined. Nice change from the cubicle back at my old firm.” You joked, looking around the room. It was modest, but it was your own, a fact that filled you with immense pride.

 “Well, you’re a senior associate now.” Your new boss replied, “Get used to it.”

 +++

After your boss had left, you used the short moment of quiet to set up some personal items on your desk before the real work started.

 There was one framed picture of you and your best friends, taken when you all graduated from Georgetown Law, arms around each other, smiling at the camera. The next one showed you and your parents, you had just passed the bar exam and your mum was looking like she had been crying just moments before the photo was taken. The last one was a collage the colleagues from your old law firm in DC had given to you as a good-bye-gift.

You had worked there for over two years and had loved it, but when you got the opportunity to work for one of the countries most renowned law firms, you had packed your bags and moved to New York City without a second thought.

The city was still a bit overwhelming, but this job was the career launch pad you had waited for, and you were excited to finally get started.

 There was a knock on the door of your office, pulling you out of your thoughts. A friendly looking young man appeared, quickly introducing himself as one of the firms’ paralegals.

 “We all gather for the morning meeting in the conference room in five minutes. The boss will introduce you and maybe already set you up with your first tasks.” he told you, “Just follow me, I’ll show you the way.”

The meeting room was already packed with people, and of course everyone was looking at you, the newcomer. You tried to appear confident, smiling at the new faces even though your heart was almost jumping out of your chest.

The boss introduced you to the other employees and started to go through the current cases. There was a lot of financial law, mergers and stuff, but the firm had a very broad operation field, and you hoped to be assigned to an environmental or human rights case sooner or later.

When the meeting was over, the boss asked you to stay behind.

 “You’re new here, Ms. Y/N, so I’m going to assign you a pro-bono case first. This is how we operate at our firm.”

You nodded in agreement, this was standard practice.

 “One of our other senior associates has already been assigned to this one, but its more work than we expected, so I figured he could use some help. That way you can familiarize yourself with how we work here, and your next case will be your own. Understood?”

 “Yes Sir.” You replied, trying not to be disappointed. You were eager to work with your own client, but getting some help from a colleague maybe wasn’t the worst idea. Also you could use a friend at this new place, and nothing was better for that than working on tough case together.

“So, who will I be working with?”

 Your boss looked around the people still filtering out of the conference room with a scowl on his face.

“Technically, he should be around here somewhere. I bet he’s late again, always the same shit. If he wasn’t so good at his job, I would have fired him ages ago.”

“Apologies, boss, I wish I could say that it won’t happen again.” A loud voice called out from behind you.

You felt like someone had slapped you in the face. You would recognize this arrogant tone everywhere.

 You whirled around and came face to face with Chris Cuomo.

 +++

“You?” The both of you said simultaneously, voices full of disbelief.

He looked different, the boyish features were gone, his jawline was sharper and his hair shorter. What was still there was his damn arrogant stance, the way he had strutted in here almost an hour to late and got away with a cocky reply told you everything you needed to know. This was still the same insolent guy who, for some reason, still got admired by everyone. How could fate screw you over like that?

“Oh, you already know each other, splendid.” Your boss exclaimed, “Christopher, Ms. Y/L/N is our newest senior associate. I assigned her to help you with your current case, show her how we work around here, would you?”

You had to give it to Chris, he didn’t even flinch. “Absolutely, Sir. Follow me.” He said, directed at you. He left so fast, you had to hurry to keep up with his big strides.

“Could you maybe wait a second.” You called after him, but he totally ignored you, walking towards a door at the end of the hallway.

 You followed him into what you supposed was his office. It was a bit larger than yours, with a view over the skyline instead of the alley behind the building.

Once you were inside the room, Chris slammed the door shut behind you.

 “What the hell are you doing here?” he hissed, looking incredibly annoyed now.

“What do you mean? I’m working here, Cuomo, I started today.”

 Chris ran his hand over his face and fell into the chair behind his desk.

 “Look, this won’t work. I’ve been on this case for weeks now, and I won’t let you interfere with it.”

 You stopped for a moment. Chris Cuomo, working on a pro bono case for weeks?

 “Why are you being so difficult about this? It’s a pro bono. Why don’t trust you with a real client anyway?” you asked, and were surprised how superficial and mean that sounded even to your own ears. How did he still bring out the worst side of you, even after you hadn’t seen him for years?

 “Not that it’s any of your concern, but they want to make me a junior partner soon. I’ve been here for four years, they hired me right out of law school. I’m one of the best attorneys employed here and I specifically asked for this case because I care about the people involved. So you can either help me and give those clients the attention and energy they deserve or I’ll have your ass out of here in less than a week.” he was almost yelling by now, fists clenched on his desk and you took a step back in face of his anger.

“Alright, I am sorry, no need to be so hostile.” You murmured. “Give me an overview and we can get started.”

 +++

The case was about two young men from Queens who were accused of robbing a drugstore. Chris insisted that they were victims of racial profiling and weren’t guilty of the charges, they had just been in the wrong place at the wrong time.

 “They are telling the truth, I just know it.” Chris replied when you asked him how he could be so sure, and the tone of his voice made you refrain from questioning him any further.

He had given you a short, clipped outline of the case and now there were tons of files you had to read to get up to date.

 After about two hours of working next to each other in tense silence, you decided to extend an olive branch to Chris.

 “So, how have you been, Cuomo? Never heard from you again after Yale.”

 Chris looked up from the file he was reading, shooting you a wary glance across the table.

 “I went to Fordham, got my JD, passed the bar and started working here. I didn’t think you’d ever want to hear from me again. I’m not sure if you remember, but we didn’t exactly get along.” He replied, his voice was hard and his posture rigid, as if it made him extremely uncomfortable to even talk to you.

You sighted, debating what to say next.

“We didn’t, I hated you, in fact.”

Chris face gave the tiniest flinch and you mentally slapped yourself. Why had you just said that?

“Sorry, that was totally insensitive. I don’t hate you, not anymore. We were almost kids back then, and I was self-righteous so many times. I’m sorry for that, I just hope we can act like professionals now and try to get along, for the sake of the clients.”

 “I can manage that if you do.” Chris mumbled, and got back to reading the files, effectively ending the conversation.

 +++

 Working alongside Chris went better than expected, even if it often was hard work to engage him in conversation. You had always assumed that he was one of the most self-centered people ever, but he spent most of his time at the office, pouring all of his energy into a pro bono case, so maybe that wasn’t true after all.

A paralegal had revealed to you that the two men you were defending were from the neighborhood Chris was raised in and knowing that made you more sympathetic towards him.

 You had thought about him from time to time during the past years, but always pictured him as one of those attorneys without morals who would walk over dead bodies to win a case. But he wasn’t. He was relentless, yes, but for the right reasons, and you started to admire him for his dedication to the cause.

 +++

In the following weeks, the initial icy atmosphere between the two of you had thawed and Chris became more approachable.

He was still arrogant and insufferable, but had matured in a way that really surprised you. By now you were even having private conversations during your short lunch breaks, bantering back and forth, but in a friendly way.

Right now, he was ranting about the current season of the Mets. You had no clue about baseball, but the way his eyes lit up when he was explaining something he was passionate about was mesmerizing.

 “You look like a fish, Y/N, don’t pretend you know anything about baseball, I can see right through you.” Chris chuckled, yanking you out of your daydreams. You blushed a bit, he had caught you staring at him.

 “I was actually thinking about the case, Cuomo, we can’t all do sports talk the entire day.”

 “I see.” He winked at you, and you tried your best to ignore how handsome he was. “Back to work then, let’s get after it.”

 +++

 It was another late night at the office, you and Chris had been hunched over case files for hours after a whole day of running around and taking statements from various people associated with the case. You were incredibly tired, but the court date was approaching and there was still a lot of work to be done.

 Across from you, Chris yawned, stretching his arms over his head. He had discarded his suit jacket, and his white dress shirt was tight enough for you to ogle his muscled arms.

You had given up on trying not to stare some time ago, he was good looking, and there was no hurt in admiring what was right in front of you.

Lately though, you had started to develop some more confusing feelings about the man. But those were carefully bottled up and you intended to keep them that way.

“Do you want another coffee?” you asked, getting up from your chair.

“Please, I’m dying here. Bring me the biggest cup we have.”

You made your way back from the kitchen, balancing two steaming mugs of coffee in your hand. You stopped next to Chris chair and put down his coffee in front of him. Your arm softly brushed against his, and he turned his head to face you. Suddenly, your faces were only inches apart from each other, he was so close that you could feel his breath on your skin as he spoke.

 “You have a lash, right there. Stay still.” he reached out to pick the small hair up from right under your eye. The touch of his finger left a burning feeling on your skin.

 “Thank you.” You whispered, and for a moment, no one was speaking, you were just staring into each other’s eyes. You felt your face starting to tingle, but you couldn’t look away, not when Chris eyes were open and warm in a way you had never seen them before.

You noticed a small scar on his jaw, and you carefully reached out to trace it with a finger.

“Where is this from?”

 Chris tensed under your touch but didn’t move or slap your hand away.

“College, Senior year. I got into a nasty brawl with someone after that last party before graduation. I was wasted and angry, it was my fault, no biggie.” He murmured, and you quickly moved your hand away, worried that you were making him uncomfortable.

Your mind rushed back to that night, and the row you had with Chris. Even after all these years, the encounter was still very present and the thought that he had gotten into a fight because you had riled him up made you feel incredibly guilty.

 “I’m so sorry.” You replied in a stained voice. “Were you angry because of me?”

 Chris eyes hardened.

“That was years ago, Y/N, how about we let stuff from the past stay there.” he replied brusquely and got up from his chair. “I need to get some more files.”

 When he didn’t return after an hour, you just went home.

 +++

 After that night, things between you went back to being tense and awkward. You weren’t sure if he was mad at you and were too afraid to bring it up. You had actually enjoyed the tentative friendship that had formed between you and missed the easy banter during lunch breaks or brooding over case files in comfortable silence. Why was the man so fucking stubborn when you had been nothing but civil to him since your first day?

After a week of little to no conversation, you were close to freaking out. It was another late-night work session, and you were tired and fed up with the situation.

 “Alright, enough with that shit.” You snapped, slamming down the file you were working on onto the desk. Chris glanced up from his papers and shot you a dirty look.

 “What’s your problem, huh?” he snarled back.

 “You are my problem, Cuomo. I thought we were making progress and could at least be friendly with each other. But since last week, you’re totally shutting me out. You don’t talk to me, not even when its necessary for the case. I don’t know what I did to offend you, but you either tell me now or suck it up, because the silent treatment is bullshit.” you were getting louder with each sentence and had started pacing around the small office, the familiar flush creeping up your neck.

The sound of Chris’ laughing made you stop in your tracks.

 “Oh my God, you look just like during one of those discussions back in college.” He chuckled before he got serious again.

 “Look, I’m sorry. I was confronted with a lot of uncomfortable memories last week. Yes, back then I was angry because of the fight we had, and yes I got drunk and punched this guy because of it.” He paused for a moment, running his hand through his hair before speaking again. “He reported me to the police, you know. I had to do a whole summer of community service, and almost lost my Law School spot. I blamed you for a long time, even if it wasn’t your fault at all.”

You were shocked by that admission.

“Chris, I had no idea. I am so sorry, that was never my intention.”

He just stared back at you with an unreadable expression on his face.

“That right now was the first time you ever called me Chris.” He said, sounding oddly emotional. He got up from his chair and walked around the small table to where you stood.

 Your heart started racing in your chest like crazy as he approached you.

“You just…Jesus, Y/N, you just unsettle me, you did back at Yale, and you still do.”

“What are you even talking about?” you whispered, “You used to hate me.”

“You really have no idea, don’t you?” he replied. He was standing right in front of you now, and the only thing you could focus on was how big and strong his body looked, and how good his cologne smelled. Your brain couldn’t handle having him in such close proximity, and when his hand reached out to cup your jaw, you could barely suppress a gasp.

 “I never hated you.” He murmured, before pressing his lips to yours.

After a moment, your brain caught up with your body. You were just kissing Chris Cuomo, the plague of your college years, the most cocky, arrogant, intriguing person you had ever met, and it was fucking perfect.

 You melted against him, his body was solid and warm and you never wanted to stop kissing him. Your hands flew around his neck, pulling him down to deepen the kiss. He tangled his hand into your hair, tilting your head back, and when he softly bit your bottom lip, you groaned against his mouth and pressed your body even closer to his.

 With a deep breath, Chris broke the kiss and looked down at you, his pupils were blown and there was a slight blush on his cheeks.

“Do you know how often I wanted to shut you up like this?”

 “Took you long enough, Cuomo.” You chuckled, and kissed him again, it felt too good to just stop now. His huge hands were on your back now, wandering lower until they landed on your ass, squeezing the soft flesh. By now, you could barely think straight anymore.

You had fantasized about this moment before, but no fantasy could compare to the feeling of his hands all over your body, dipping under your shirt to slide over the soft, bare skin of your back.

 With your last shred of restraint, you broke the kiss again.

 “We can’t do this here, Chris.” You mumbled, suddenly feeling a bit shy.

 “There is no one else here, Y/N, its after midnight. We can do whatever the hell we want.” He replied, using the hand that was still on your back to pull you to his chest, there was a noticeable bulge pressing against you and your mind went blank again.

Your last resolve crumbled when Chris whispered a deep “I need to have you, now.” right against your ear. You succumbed to his touches as he picked you up and placed you on the edge of the desk, right on top of the important case files, but you didn’t give a damn.

 Everything you cared about right now was the feeling of Chris palms sliding up your bare legs, hitching up your skirt and softly skimming over your panty-covered core. You inhaled through clenched teeth as his hand found its way inside your underwear, you were already slick with need and grinded your pussy against his fingers.

 “You have no idea how often I thought about this.” Chris groaned. “Just you, squirming and wet under me. God, you are soaked.”

 “Stop talking and do something, Cuomo.” You whimpered, his light touches were nowhere near enough.

 “You asked for this, sweetheart.” Chris growled and plunged two of his thick fingers inside you without warning. The moan spilling out of you was so loud that he slapped his other palm over your mouth to muffle your needy sounds.

“Shh, we might be alone, but we don’t want to alarm the whole building.” He chuckled darkly as he started to move his hand, curling his digits inside you until you saw stars.

 You groaned his name against his palm as he started to circle your clit with his thumb, applying more and more pressure until you came against his hand with a strangled cry.

 Chris removed his hands and looked down at where you were lying on the desk, breathing heavily.

“Say it, Y/N. What do you want me to do?”

 You could see the way his erection was tenting the fabric of his suit trousers and unconsciously licked your lips.

“Get rid of those trousers and fuck me.” You whispered, your voice still a bit breathy from your climax moments ago.

 Without hesitation, Chris undid the buckle of his belt and pulled down his pants along with his underwear. When his cock spring free, you let out an audible gasp.

Chris snorted our a small, smug laugh, a flicker of his familiar arrogance showing. Usually, this would’ve annoyed you to no ends, but right now your only concern was getting him inside of you as fast as possible.

 When he finally stepped between your legs, his strong hands grabbed the hem of your panties and just tore the thin lace apart. He grabbed your thighs and spread them, leaving you exposed to his hungry gaze. The feeling of his cock teasing your entrance almost made you lose patience.

 “Stop the fucking teasing, Chris”

 Without a warning, he grabbed your hips and slammed into you with one harsh thrust. You had to cover your mouth with your own hand again to silence your cry, the feeling of his thick length was almost too much.

“Shit, Y/N.” he hissed as he bottomed out. “You’re so tight.”

You couldn’t do anything more than grab the edges of the desk as he started to fuck you with a relentless pace, the slap of his skin against yours sounding through the empty office.

 Your let your head roll to the side and closed your eyes, completely overwhelmed by the burning arousal spreading through your whole body.

 Suddenly, a hand grabbed your hair and yanked your head around so you were staring directly into Chris dark, burning eyes.

 “I want you to look at me while I fuck you.” He snarled. “Want you to see who makes you feel like this.”
His voice was slightly breathless, and there was a thin layer of sweat covering his forehead as he continued to slam into you, hitting a spot deep inside you and sending you closer to your climax with each hard stroke.

His words were like a drug and you couldn’t tear your eyes away from his face anymore. When he delivered his next sharp thrust, you could feel yourself tumbling over the edge, your orgasm washing over you and making you trash and squirm under Chris, your walls clenching around his cock.

His grasp on your hips tightened to an almost painful degree, pulling your pelvis flush against his as he spilled inside you with a growl.

As you laid on the desk, your brain was trying to come to terms with what just happened through the haze of your climax.

Chris carefully pulled out and readjusted his trousers before slumping back into an office chair.

 “Well, that was a surprise.” You said awkwardly, getting up and pulling down your shirt to restore some sense of dignity. In an attempt to ease some of the tension that had suddenly settled over the room, you added “Next time we should try it without all the clothes, and maybe on a bed instead of a desk filled with super important case files.”

Instead of making a dirty joke, Chris looked surprised.

“There is going to be a next time?” He asked, sounding almost hopeful.

 With a soft chuckle, you approached him and sat down onto his lap.

 “You can’t screw me like this and not expect me to come back for seconds.” You pressed a kiss to his lips. “If you’re up to it, I’d maybe even agree to a third, fourth and fifth time.”

 Chris puffed out his chest a little bit. “Sweetheart, I’m always up to it.”

 +++

 With a slam, the doors of the courtroom closed behind you. Chris turned around to face you, and the smile on his face was bright enough to light up the entire hallway.

 “We won, Y/N, we really did it.” he cheered, picking you up to spin you around. You just giggled, full of joy and relief that you were able to win this important case and keep your clients out of jail.

When Chris sat you down again, you reached up to put his face between your hands.“I am so incredibly proud of you.” You said, your voice heavy with emotion. “You were on fire in there.”

It was true, seeing Chris in court had been like a revelation to you. He had been relentless, tough and razor sharp in his defense, all while wielding his charm and charisma to win the jury over. Everything you had held against him for all those years, his audacity, his stubbornness, they had been invaluable strengths during the trial.

But when Chris leaned down to press a kiss to your mouth, all thoughts stopped. It still was so fresh and every touch of him brought you out of balance. The fact that he had just kissed you in public made you feel all warm and fuzzy inside. You hadn’t made your relationship public yet, or even talked about if you were an item, but this made you hope.

Chris broke the kiss, still beaming at you.

“I could have never done this without your help. This is our success. And now we have to celebrate. Please, let me take you to dinner.” Chris said, wrapping his arms around your hips to pull you against him. By now, you couldn’t care less about all the people looking at you.

“Took you long enough to properly ask me out.” you joked, “And of course, I’d love to.”

Immediately, Chris started rambling about how he knew the perfect restaurant that would blow your mind and how they were always booked out several weeks in advance, but he could get you a table anyway, and you just smiled to yourself.

He was still a cocky, smug idiot, but he was your idiot now.

[footballxwrites]

Could I get a Ben Chilwell imagine, with the prompt being ‘18’ by One Direction please? x

Since we were 18

Background info: They’ve been together since their school/ college and Uni days until it all gets too much for him and he ends it. They then see each other a few years later and turns out he never got over her, I don’t know if I like this or it makes sense..but I hope you enjoy reading it anyways! ♡

12 June 2015

Age 18

It was a summer romance where everything was perfect, just young, naive love and the world was your oyster so it seemed. No responsibilities, no worries, no rules, just two young souls who were free to follow their dreams, you taking A-Levels whilst he signed pro for his boyhood club, yous were in a fortunate position and couldn’t have wish for anything more.

But then adulthood hit, the big 18 came around and college ended which meant it was off to Uni for you, in hopes of fulfilling your dream career. Ben was flying with his job, raking in the popularity and fame and enjoying what he was doing for a living.

It definitely put a strain in your relationship to say the least with the four hour round journey yous had to make to see each other every other week of whenever you could in between your busy schedules, but it was worth it, all of it was. The love never faded and the feelings weren’t ever lost even after being told it would never last by everyone, including those closest to you. Yous took a chance, a big one that’s for sure, but you were willing to take the risk and prove just how wrong they were and show them you and Ben were in it for the long run, he always told you he knew you’d be fine...

5 August 2017

Age 20

...Two years later and there yous were, still living love in slow motion and completely obsessed by one another, living it up in your three bedroom apartment settled just outside the city of Leicester, not to mention you graduating with a degree and finding the perfect little job and him still growing in the football world, even winning the league last season.

The two of you had now gotten used to the joys of being an adult, I mean of course it came with the boring downsides of paying the bills and taxes but overall it was a great time to be alive. The excitement and surprise was still there for you both, the weekly date nights, the last min getaways, the holidays abroad in that humid Spanish sun every Brit loves to see, the anniversary celebrations, even just the cosy nights on snuggled up on the sofa with a takeaway...the list was never ending.

2 Feb 2018

Age 21

Where all the pointless arguments began and the staying out late, sometimes not even coming home till morning, and it all seemed to go downhill. The days of waking up entangled in his arms to the sound of his soft snores were well and truly over, in fact you’d be lucky to open your eyes and see him actually in bed next to you because by god that was a rare sight. It would start with the simple question of “where’ve you been” or “can we talk” before the two of you would be at each other’s throat’s, throwing around the insults and little digs, eventually ending in someone walking out.

The day came when it was time to call it quits, well when he called it quits, and the words you never thought would fall from his lips did, those two words that tore your heart apart, “it’s over”. Of course you were putting up a fight, I mean it felt like three years of your life just went down the drain and for what, because he randomly decided he no longer loved you?

That night you packed your bags were gone, from both his life and your home city, needing a fresh start to focus on you and you alone. At the end of your day, apart from your job nothing else was keeping you in Leicester and you fancied a change, soon moving down London into a high class apartment and place of work and finally feeling yourself and fulfilling that dream you had back when you were 18.

As for Ben, you could pray you’d never come across him again, for both your sakes...

5 March 2021

“Wait, please!” you heard from behind you as you tried to make a run for it, but with crowds of people all shoving their way out of the stadium it was almost impossible to get away in time. You soon gave in and turned around to be met with him in all his sweaty glory and ruffled up hair, looking the same the he did all those years ago, except with less of a baby face and a beard. Did you regret coming here today? Yes, one hundred percent yes and if you could go back in time 2 hours earlier, you defo wouldn’t be in the stands at Stamford Bridge right now.

“What are you doing here” he, rather breathlessly, spoke with a small smile creeping upon his mouth, “oh you know just to watch the match, Y/F/N happens to support the blues and I was dragged along here” you casually replied, no expression on your face mainly because you had no idea how you were feeling, before he grabbed your arm and pulled you to the side out of view of the crowds. “Well it’s nice to see you...it’s been a while” he gleamed as you gently nodded, fiddling with your fingers trying to figure a way out of the awkward situation, “yeah...erm, I see the football’s being nice to you” you sighed, looking over to the pitch as he laughed.

“Yeah I guess it’s been alright, I got lucky with how everything went...job wise” he quickly added, seeing a discreet frown slip along your lips, “it’s definitely been more than alright, but I’m happy for you” you half smiled, avoiding eye contact as he cleared his throat. “Anyways, what’ve you been up to then since...you know” he mumbled as you shrugged, “Moved down here, went into management and worked abroad for a bit”.

“That’s amazing, and you did that all alone” he hinted, intrigued to know if anyone had filled his spot in your life, “Yes, but I ca-can’t do this Ben” you stuttered, about to walk away so you didn’t break down in tears, but soon being stopped when you felt a pair of arms wrap around your waist and hold you close.

“I miss you...” he whispered, trailing off as you softly sobbed into his heart, “I know...but we’ve been there and it didn’t work, we’re not 18 anymore Ben” you mumbled, “we’re a long way from the playground” he gently laughed as you pulled away from his touch. “Why did we end up like this, going our separate way? Everything was so perfect back then” you reminisced, letting a small gasp, “Then give me another chance, like you say we’re older, we have our lives in order, what’s there to risk?” he asked as you remained quite speechless, not sure of your answer. “I wanna love like you made me feel when were 18”....

———————

@kingkepa @champagne-coys @jamesmaddiscnx @masonmounts @footballcloud @hoely-pavard @alexajanecollins @footballerimaginess @kierantierncy

[wrestlingisfake]

All Out preview

Here we go with AEW's annual Labor Day weekend show in Hoffman Estates, just like the original All In show three years ago. I have been going to wrestling shows for days, and it all comes down to this!

The show starts at 8pm EDT, streaming on Bleacher Report (in the US and Canada) and Fite.tv for $49.99. A free pre-show will be available at 7pm EDT.

CM Punk vs. Darby Allin - This is CM Punk's first pro wrestling match since January 26, 2014, when he spent 49 minutes in the Royal Rumble working with a staph infection and a possible concussion. The following night he walked out of WWE, leading to seven and a half years of debate about what is next move would/should be. Two weeks ago he debuted with AEW and declared that he wanted to help the younger talent, starting with a match against Allin. Allin, for his part, took some exception to being the first opponent, as if he's just a stepping stone to bigger matches.

The big issue here is seeing how well Punk, 42, has held up after seven years away. I've seen reports that he's looking good in training, but you just don't know until the bell rings. Regardless, I expect the hometown crowd to be very forgiving to Punk, and Allin is good enough to carry the match if he really has to.

I feel like I ought to have more to say about this, but it also feels like everything's been said. I can't believe Punk would lose his first match in. But I can believe that if Punk insisted on doing the job, AEW would let him do that. It'd be unusual for the returning guy to come up short, but New Japan does that sometimes and it can work as a longer build to the first win. Still, it is Chicago (sort of), so my gut says Punk wins to let us feel special.

Kenny Omega vs. Christian Cage - Omega is defending the AEW men's world title. For months, Omega held four different belts, representing championships in AEW, AAA, and Impact Wrestling. But on August 13 Christian defeated Omega for the Impact/TNA world title (and later retired the TNA belt), leaving Kenny more vulnerable than ever. The AAA and Impact titles aren't at stake in this match, so no matter who what happens the winner will be a double champion.

Cage is a great wrestler, but not a great challenger for this match. For months the storytelling pointed towards Hangman Page in this spot, but Page was abruptly written off television so he could take paternity leave. I don't think anybody resents Christian for filling in, but nobody really expects the 47-year-old, recently returned from a seven-year retirement, to win the big one. It's also a rematch of something we already saw a few weeks ago, which isn't a big deal but it's a bit of a talking point when everyone is always dogging WWE for excessive rematches.

The big go-home angle on September 1 was that Omega, the Young Bucks, and their buddies destroyed Christian, the Lucha Bros., and their buddies. After the show went off the air Tony Khan promised that this kind of bullshit interference wouldn't happen in the Bucks-Lucha Bros. cage match. Well, okay, but this match doesn't have a steel cage, so I have a feeling there will be plenty of bullshit interference. And I'm willing to bet that interference gives Omega the win while somewhat protecting Christian.

Matt Jackson & Nick Jackson vs. Penta El 0M & Rey Fenix - The Young Bucks (Matt and Nick) are defending the AEW tag team title. The Lucha Bros. won a four-team tournament to earn this shot. The Bucks have relied on a lot of outside interference from their entourage lately, so to counter that this match will be held inside a steel cage. In AEW, the only way to win a cage match is by pinfall or submission.

I was at All Out 2019 when these teams last met in a crazy ladder match (which feels like a million years ago). Everyone raved about it, and also worried that the Bucks damn near killed themselves. Personally I had a really shitty view of the ring, which made it hard to follow the match. This time I've got a much better view, so I'm looking forward to some good karma.

In theory the Bucks have sworn off doing the dangerous shit from the ladder match, but technically this is a cage match so maybe they'll just do different dangerous shit. Personally I'm more intrigued by seeing them change their game to fit in the confines of the cage, which doesn't lend itself to springboard flips off the ropes. But the cage has places to stand at the top, which will encourage the idea of setting up crazy highspots.

I feel like a title change is possible, but I could just as easily see the Bucks hold the belts for another six months. Santana and Ortiz seem to be next in line for a shot, and honestly I think that would work with either of these teams. But I guess I'll lean towards the Bucks retaining.

Chris Jericho vs. MJF - MJF defeated Jericho on November 7, 2020, to earn entry into Jericho's stable, the Inner Circle. MJF inevitably betrayed Jericho and formed his own stable, the Pinnacle, which beat the Inner Circle on May 5, 2021. Jericho was so determined to get revenge that he accepted MJF's terms to perform five "labors" to earn a rematch, but MJF beat Jericho once again on August 18, 2021. So now MJF is 3-0 against Jericho. (For some reason we're counting the ten-man match on May 5 but not the other one on May 30, which Jericho's team won, but whatever.) To get this final rematch, Jericho has put his career on the line.

Suddenly everything else in this storyline has taken a back seat to the idea that this may really be the end of Chris Jericho's 30-year in-ring career. There are plenty of fans who think Jericho, 50, should hang it up, but now that it might actually happen I think people aren't so sure they're ready for it all to end. The timing for Jericho to tease this is perfect, because he could easily just win and go another couple of years, or he could easily just finish today.

Part of what makes this work so well is MJF. I think everyone recognizes that MJF is going to be a top name in the 2020s, and that Jericho wants to make this guy. So it's like, if Jericho can get retired by anyone he wants, why wouldn't he pick MJF? I think the match will feel a little flat if Jericho comes up short yet again, but if it's the end of his career it suddenly doesn't matter if he's lost too many times, y'know?

Still, something tells me this isn't the end. Something tells me Jericho has more he wants to do. And something tells me, in a few years, we may be wondering if it would have been better if he retired on this show.

Britt Baker vs. Kris Statlander - Baker is defending the AEW women's world title. I expect to like this match but there's not really much to it. Baker was feuding with Red Velvet a while back and then Statlander made the save for Velvet. Baker and her crony Rebel have brought in Jamie Hayter to stack the deck against Statlander and Velvet. I think it's way too soon for Baker to drop the title, and I don't expect Kris to be the one to take it from her. So this is kind of a formality to kill time until Baker vs. Thunder Rosa down the road.

Miro vs. Eddie Kingston - Miro's AEW TNT championship is on the line. Somehow in the past year Miro has gone from Kip Sabian's gamer buddy to a monster heel who thinks God has anointed him to beat the shit out of people. Kingston has gone from a gutless heel to the most beloved guy in AEW. Wrestling is great.

Anyway, I love both of these guys, but I can't just bet that all the wrestlers have a good time. If Eddie's going to win a championship, it really ought to be in New York. I realize Chicago is AEW's favorite and we get all the good shit, but I've had my CM Punk ice cream and I'm maaaaaybeee going to get the Bryan Danielson debut too, so I'm willing to let New York have this one thing. Just this one time.

Jon Moxley vs. Satoshi Kojima - Moxley is the new GCW world champion following a surprise appearance at last night's GCW show; I assume that does not turn this into a title match. Moxley told top contender Nick Gage "you know where to find me," and it's anyone's guess if Gage will show up here to accept that invitation.

Mox is a busy boy making friends everywhere he goes. For a few weeks he was angling for a match with a top New Japan Pro Wrestling star on this show. The leading candidate was Hiroshi Tanahashi, but several other interesting names were discussed by fans and pundits alike. After that buzz, Kojima is a bit of a letdown.

Don't get me wrong, it's cool to get a guy who's held the IWGP heavyweight title, the All Japan Triple Crown, and the NWA world title. Kojima's a legend. But at this stage of his career, he's the guy New Japan sends when the real stars aren't available. Besides which, my cup runneth over when it comes to 50-year-old guys showing up to prove they can wrestle like they're 40. And I don't think anybody really believes Kojima can beat Moxley.

Ideally, this match should end with a video message from a bigger New Japan name calling out Moxley. I'm not confident that will happen. Then again, at this point I wouldn't be surprised if Moxley showed up in NXT UK to pick a fight with WALTER.

Paul Wight vs. QT Marshall - Formerly the Giant in WCW and the Big Show in WWE, Wight debuted with AEW earlier this year as a color commentator. QT and his goons were picking on Wight's broadcast partner Tony Schiavone when Wight intervened, setting up this match.

I was actually kind of into the idea of this until Marshall showed photos of Wight's recent hip surgery. Up to that point, they'd managed to keep me from noticing if Wight could move okay, and I was willing to accept he could do a basic squash match without a problem. But now I just assume he's broken down and he'll need a lot of smoke and mirrors to do even a simple match. Maybe that's the plan, to get me to lower my expectations and be pleasantly surprised. I sure hope it works out.

I'm about 95% sure Wight clobbers QT and just wins handily. There's a chance QT's squad pulls enough shenanigans to get a bullshit win, but I'm not sure what the point would be.

21-woman Casino Battle Royale - This is AEW's funky concept for a gauntlet battle royale. Five women start the match, and then every five minutes another wave of five enters; the 21st entrant gets to come out alone. Eliminations can occur at any time, by exiting the ring over the top rope to the floor. The last woman left after the others have been eliminated is declared the winner, and receives a future title match against the AEW women's champion.

AEW has announced 20 participants: Abadon, Anna Jay, Big Swole, Diamante, Emi Sakura, Hikaru Shida, Jade Cargill, Jamie Hayter, Kiera Hogan, KiLynn King, Leyla Hirsch, Nyla Rose, Penelope Ford, Rebel, Red Velvet, Riho, Skye Blue (a late substitution for Julia Hart), Tay Conti, The Bunny, Thunder Rosa.

The 21st spot has been left open for a surprise. Ruby Soho (formerly Ruby Riott in WWE) is widely expected to join AEW, and this would be a sensible spot for that to happen. But there are other women who could potentially debut here as a swerve.

I always want to pick the surprise entrant to win these things, but they really haven't done all that well in AEW battle royales. I could see them giving the win to, say, Big Swole, and just having Britt Baker beat her a few weeks later on Dynamite. Or Thunder Rosa could win to set up a major program for the next pay-per-view. They have a lot of options, which makes it hard to predict but fun to watch.

Orange Cassidy & Chuck Taylor & Wheeler YUTA & Luchasaurus & Jungle Boy vs. Matt Hardy & Marq Quen & Isiah Kassidy & Jack Evans & Angelico - This is booked for the pre-show. Hardy's heel group has been feuding with most of the midcard babyfaces for months. I don't expect this match will blow off the feud, but it'd be nice if it did so we could move on to something else. Orange's team should probably win.

[confused-stars]

hawksweek2020 - Day 5: Insecurities

@hawksweek2020

__

Pretty Bird

(or: someone just give him a hug please im begging you)

It had been eight months since the Winged Hero Hawks had made his debut. The spotlights hadn’t let up since then, and he hadn’t stopped moving.

At his first hero ranking, he’d already made the top twenty, popularity polls adding a huge bonus to the sheer number of successful rescues he’d already pulled off with seeming ease. And it was easy, to him. Saving people came as naturally as breathing after all the training he’d gone through.

 Charming the masses? That was also easy. A smile that was just smug enough to make him interesting, and just warm enough to have people believe he was genuine. Words that sounded a little too blunt but were carefully picked and made the public love him for his honesty. A wink thrown in at the right time, a strategic placement of his wings in front of the cameras. All of that had been training.

 This was just another one of those things, another side of hero work that he hadn’t experienced before but should have been fine with.

He should have.

So why exactly did he find himself hiding away in a storage closet?

Well.

Fuck.

Keigo pulled his wings tighter around himself and tried to count to ten under his breath. He got to seven before there was a knock on the door.

 “Kid?”

Ah, shit. They knew where he was.

Of course he was already going to have to answer for running out and messing up the schedule the way he had, and he didn’t even know how long he’d been here, but he still didn’t want to be talked to.

 “Go ‘way!” he called back, and his voice sounded way too shaky and not enough like his hero persona at all. “I’m fine! I just need a minute!”

 A pause. “… Hawks.” The voice was softer now. He knew he’d heard it before, but his panicked mind wasn’t supplying him with anything. “Can I come in if I close the door behind me?”

 Keigo furrowed his brows. Why would she do that? Wasn’t she here to drag him back out? But saying no would probably make them break down the door or something. He twisted the feather he’d kept stuck in the lock around until he felt it click open.

 He straightened up where he was sitting in between a bunch of nondescript storage crates and cleaning supplies, his wings folded neatly against his back even though he just wanted to curl them around his body again.

 The door opened a moment later, and Keigo could have slapped himself for not recognizing Midnight’s voice when she’d been outside the door.

She must have had a photoshoot here today, too. He vaguely remembered that this was supposed to be the place where she most often did her modelling work. She was in her hero costume, though lacking her usual accessories, and she was holding the shirt that he’d left when he’d hurried out of the studio.

 He caught it when she tossed it at him and freed his wings of feathers for a moment so he could pull it on, slotting them back in place after.

“… thanks.” He flashed Midnight one of his trademark smiles, and from her furrowed brow she wasn’t buying it in the least.

 Keigo wondered just how much of a persona she was putting on for her hero work, and how much of it was real. There was no way all this 18+ nonsense could be her entire personality.

 Keigo thought she was fun to watch, sure, and definitely capable, but she’d always seemed very… fake to him. There were just some heroes who were so obviously playing a role, and unfortunately a lot of the female pros who were being pushed into the ‘sexy lady hero’ stereotype came across like that. Keigo was always glad he was a man, or this might have very well been his fate.

And he’d proven today that he was not cut out for that.

 Midnight kicked one of the crates aside and sat down on top of it, one leg over the other, and watching him closely.

“First model shoot?” she asked, “They can be a little awkward.”

 Keigo sighed and dropped his smile, shrugging a shoulder. “It’s not… I’m good at what I do.” That sounded very defensive. But he was! He was good at this! He had no problem with the posing, even though he hadn’t exactly practiced that before. It had actually been a lot of fun, in the beginning.

 “I didn’t say you weren’t,” Midnight pointed out, “Just that it can be awkward. I’ve been doing this since I was your age, and don’t tell anyone, but that was a while ago.” She winked at him and Keigo huffed a laugh. “But, even for me it can get… a bit much at times.”

 Keigo looked back at her with more intent this time, studying her face. Did she enjoy what she did? Well, she had picked her own brand, and she got more choice in what she did than he ever had, but she’d also picked that brand as a teenager. Playing into the R-rated hero thing got her a lot of fans, of course, and modelling contracts, and adult merch, and a ton of other things, so it had been a clever move for her career. But to constantly be seen like this? Keigo nearly shuddered at the thought.

 Midnight met his eyes and smiled, a little more gentle, and Keigo remembered that she, in fact, was also a high school teacher. “Don’t look at me like that, bird boy. I love what I do. It’s normal to get overwhelmed. Happens to the best of us. Just last week, I witnessed Present Mic screaming into a pillow for almost ten whole minutes.”

 Keigo pulled one of his wings across his lap and smoothed out some feathers. They’d been groomed extensively before the shoot, but he’d gone and gotten them all ruffled up again. “… is the pillow okay?” he asked after a moment.

 Midnight snorted. “That’s what we keep Eraser around for.”

 Would Keigo ever have any real friends among other heroes? He sure hoped so. He had never really had the opportunity to make friends.

 He looked down at his wing. “… I don’t like being on camera shirtless.” And in a room full of people, too. He pulled up his shoulders a little. “I mean. I know I’m objectively hot, right? This is all… very marketable.” He gestured down at his body, and then at his face.

 He'd been lucky to grow up attractive, he’d been told that many times. And yet.

“It doesn’t make sense. I just… they didn’t warn me beforehand, and so when they told me to, I just took it off and I started feeling worse.”

Letting go of his wing, he instead traced his fingers along his chest, where there weren’t even visible scars. “It’s stupid.”

 “The way you feel about your body is never stupid,” Midnight said, voice surprisingly firm.

Keigo jerked his eyes up to look at her.

“It’s unreasonable. I should be fine with it. Plenty of people are gonna look at these photos, and they’re not gonna think ‘oh, look at Hawks, he’s way too skinny to be attractive’ or ‘he’s tiny, how’s he supposed to save people’ or ‘hey, doesn’t Hawks look kinda like a girl?’. That’s just me thinking that.” He waved a hand in the air vaguely and sighed, feathers fluffing up as he did so.

 Midnight was still watching him. Keigo hated it. She seemed to be seeing right through him, and he himself didn’t even know what she was seeing.

“I have a feeling it won’t help any if I say I think you’re cute,” she finally said, “Because this is about you. This isn’t going to change, no matter how many crazy fans in the streets scream that they’d love to have your babies.” She paused. “Or… eggs.”

 Keigo couldn’t help the surprised laugh, and he tried to give her a half-glare. “I’m pretty sure I’d have perfectly human babies, thanks.”

 “I’ll believe that when you prove it,” Midnight teased, and Keigo realized she’d done that very much on purpose to distract him from his doom and gloom.

 She was a pretty good hero, he decided. The best heroes had to be the ones who knew how to help other heroes, and not just civilians. “I should probably get back out there and finish the shoot, huh?” he asked, glancing at the door.

 Midnight clicked her tongue. “Or you walk out there, apologize, and fly home like a good boy.” She met his eyes and winked, and Keigo blushed maybe a little bit, though he would deny that to his dying day. That was just how she was though, and her flirty nature was enough to keep him somewhat grounded and from letting his thoughts spiral again.

 “… I have responsibilities,” he protested half-heartedly, though home sounded very good right now. He hadn’t been living in the apartment long, but it was his and it was safe. He didn’t have to be Hawks there.

 Midnight waved a hand at him. “They must’ve gotten a bunch of pictures they can use. You’ve been here all morning, and it’s almost four now.”

 That late? Oh, shit. Keigo had a patrol at six. He’d need to pick up some food on the way. But, hey, at least patrol was going to make him feel less shitty about himself. He stood up and brushed himself off. “You’re probably right, Midnight. Thanks.”

 Midnight got to her feet as well, and Keigo nudged her arm with his wing.

“Kayama is fine, you know? No need to be all formal with the hero names.”

 Keigo never liked when this happened. He shifted. “I prefer Hawks.”

 Midnight’s gaze was too knowing, but he didn’t think that she knew the full extent of why he didn’t use his other name.

“Hawks it is, then. It’s a good hero name anyway. Very catchy.” She nodded her approval, and he smiled as he moved past her – only to be stopped by her hand wrapping around his wrist.

 “Okay, I know you barely know me, but I want you to listen to me. Because you’re just a kid, and you’re taking your first steps into this mess of a professional world. Are you listening?”

 Keigo nodded.

 Midnight’s gaze was serious. “No one can tell you who to be, Hawks. No one can tell you what to do with who you are, either. You want to save people, you’re good at that. You clearly don’t like this aspect of it all, and that’s fine. Not everyone is born for this. Being a hero isn’t about looking sexy, or letting them treat you like a piece of meat. It’s about finding danger and facing it to keep others from getting hurt. And you’re doing that. So you can damn well decline any of these publicity engagements that have you doing things you’re uncomfortable with. They’ll tell you to just go through with it, and not make a fuss, but they’re wrong, okay? Set up your boundaries now, because you’re allowed to. Do you hear me? You’re allowed to.”

 Keigo nodded again, a little dazed from her intensity. Or maybe her quirk. But she wasn’t using it right now.

 Midnight let go of his wrist, and placed both hands on his shoulders. “I look forward to seeing more of what you can do. Up in the sky, not on some advertisement for a product neither of us is ever even going to use.” She raised a hand and put a finger under his chin, forcing his head up a little. “Now, don’t look like a scared little bird that’s just been a cat’s plaything for the past ten minutes. Or else there’ll be rumors about the two of us and this closet.” She laughed, and Keigo swallowed.

 “Uh… yeah. Okay. Okay.” He was very off kilter now. Did she have that effect on everyone?

 Midnight looked him over, and then gave a satisfied nod. “Good. Now, remember that you’re an ass kicking, whip smart, devastatingly handsome young man, and get out there.”

 Keigo blinked at her, stood still for another second or so, and then turned and opened the door, his shoulders set, and the weight of his wings still heavy on his back.

He couldn’t wait to spread them again and get back to doing his actual job.

[let-it-raines]

CS Fic Rec Monday

I hope you’re all staying safe and inside as much as physically possible! I said I was going to do this weeks ago, but I finally remembered to queue it all up! Here are some dang good multi-chapter fics you can curl up with! You’ve probably already read them if you’ve been around for awhile, but rereading is fun, too! Plus, I know these writers would get excited to see a new comment or two 😘 

-/-

As Real As You Want it To Be by @ive-always-been-a-pirate​: Teaching at the same school as Killian Jones was both infuriating and distracting, but when he throws Emma under the bus for the final time, she devises a plan to get back at him. After all, nobody likes to go to a wedding alone. Time for some CS AU fake dating.

Warm Nights and Firelight by @oubliette14​: When in the wake of a messy breakup Emma makes the impulsive decision to return home to her parent's ranch in the Rockies, she certainly doesn't expect to find a strange Irish guy living in what was once her apartment over the garage, and she definitely doesn't imagine that the home she couldn't wait to be rid of five long years ago would be the very place her heart begins to heal.

If Looks Could Kill by @wellhellotragic​: Emma Swan is a dedicated FBI agent getting over a bad breakup. When she and her partner, Ruby Lucas, are forced to go undercover as contestants on a reality show, Emma is forced to try and win the affections of Killian Jones, a man she despises.Killian Jones is a lost boy. Having recently been nicknamed the ‘Bad Boy of Boston,’ he’s been living up to his moniker using women and rum to avoid dealing with his dark past. When he’s forced to take the lead in a reality show, he encounters a gorgeous blonde who turns his world upside down. Miss Congeniality meets The Bachelor.

The Reason by @xemmaloveskillianx​: The three of them share a laugh before they all look to Emma. She has yet to comment on the new addition because she isn’t sure what to say. She usually doesn’t like change, they have a good thing going there, just the four of them. Plus, they all know him and she doesn’t, but she trusts their judgement, and she’s sure any brother of Liam can’t be all that bad.So, with a shrug and a smile she says, “Welcome to Storybrooke, Killian Jones.

The Wife by @ineffablecolors​: No one knows all that Emma has been through and certainly no one knows all that Killian has been through and being husband and wife doesn’t make them any less unknown to each other. And really, how can you help someone heal when you don’t even know how hurt they are?

Beauty in the Aftermath by @high-seas-swan​: Confronted with the sudden appearance of her birth parents, Emma, in a moment of panic, flees. She flees the diner, Storybrooke, the country. She finds herself a day later in the Dublin, Ireland Airport terminal wondering what the hell she has gotten herself into. With some fear, a little determination and a considerable amount of faking it along the way, she sets off on a trip she never planned on taking but needed more than she ever knew. She finds herself, she finds a Brit adrift on his own journey and finds out what home really means.

Playing the Part by @shireness-says​: As a stage manager who's clawed her way up from the bottom, Emma Swan can handle just about anything thrown her way. But does that include handsome lead actor Killian Jones? A CS Broadway AU.

Love, Kindness, and Other Useless Things by @joneskillian​: CS AU, set in 1815. Lord Killian Jones is haunted by the demons of his past which makes him nowhere near the man he once was, so he can't be the father he wants to be. And above all, he believes he is undeserving of love. Perhaps with Emma that is all about to change. But falling in love is never easy, that's just how it is.

Something Like You Love Me by @bemusedbicycle​: Emma decides the best way to get Mary Margaret off her back about Walsh is to say she already has a boyfriend. Except she doesn’t. That’s where Killian comes in. Fake!Engagement fic.

a one time thing (and other untruths) by @weezlywrites​: "She supposes the reason she tells him is the same reason she kept his phone number after all those weeks." Pregnancy has a way of throwing a wrench in one's plans.

Alone, until I get Home by @peglegsjones​: In Boston, Henry Swan's six-year-old brother Ian finds a book titled "Once Upon a Time" hidden beneath the seat in their mom's old yellow bug. As soon as Henry touches it, he remembers.Season 3 Canon Divergence-Emma finds out she's pregnant a few weeks after she and Henry leave Storybrooke with new memories and new lives. Nearly seven years later, another Dark Curse puts her family in danger, and Emma must return to Storybrooke to help them.Who's powerful enough to cast the Dark Curse? And how the hell is she going to tell Hook they have a son together?

Knock, Knock by @charmingturkeysandwich​: Emma Swan has made the best of her crappy apartment ever since she became best friends with her neighbor, Ruby. But when Ruby moves out and a loud Brit takes her place, the thin walls and lack of space are suddenly not so endearing. After a particularly stressful day, Emma decides to confront the nightmare next door, and entirely against her better judgment, she might just be making a friend.

These Nights Aren’t Made For Thinking by @nowforruin​:��AU. Emma Swan came to Portland, ME to start over. She's got a job she loves, but when a particular case gets under her skin, she finds herself visiting the Jolly Roger and its curious bartender, Mr. Killian Jones, more often than she thinks is wise. But some nights aren't made for thinking. Captain Swan.

On the Two by @lifeinahole27​: He’s one bad trip from ending up in AA, and she’s one performance away from a solid job and moving closer to home. Their paths were unlikely to cross until Camp Hope brought them together. How and why they meet and intertwine is against the odds, and definitely against the rules, but will that really stand in their way? A Dirty Dancing inspired modern au.

Separate Lives by @lenfaz​: Set after 3x20 "Kansas". After saving the town one more time, Emma decided to return to New York, leaving her past behind. Three years later, she realizes that might be not have been the best decision.

Natural Opposite by @searchingwardrobes​: Dance is more than Emma Swan’s career; it’s practically saved her life on more than one occasion. But when it comes to reality TV shows, she’s always danced in the shadows of her twin brother David and her sister Elsa. Her first season as a pro on Dancing With the Stars was a disaster, and she enters her second season determined to prove herself. All she needs is a good partner. Hollywood bad boy and ladies’ man Killian Jones isn’t what she had in mind.

Walking in a Straight Line by @msgenevievee: It’s one of the oldest stories in the book. Two old friends have a few too many drinks, two old friends share a kiss. Happens all the time, right? But what happens when only one of them actually remembers it?

Out of the Frying Pan by @welllpthisishappening​: Emma Swan is only doing this for one reason, well, make that two. To get her show's numbers back up and, maybe, impress her son. She doesn't like admitting to that second one though.Killian Jones is doing this for absolutely, positively, just one reason. To expand his restaurant. And maybe get Regina off his back. So that's kind of two reasons.Neither one of them is doing a year-long Food Network all-star competition because they're celebrity chefs and there's not really any other choice. Of course not. And neither one of them is enjoying it because they maybe, kind of, sort of enjoy each other. That would be insane.

A Cold Awakening by @swanderful1​: Modern crime AU. Twenty years have gone by since Storybrooke was shaken to the core by a gruesome crime that went unsolved. Sheriff David Nolan and his partner, daughter Emma are forced to revisit the crime. At the same time, Killian Jones and his older brother Liam have been drawn back to the town they had longed to never see again, struggling to find their own answers. As taunting notes and clues show up they are taken on a journey to finally bring justice for the Jones family. And Emma Nolan finds herself caught in a situation more dangerous than she could have ever imagined.

Beyond the Horizon by @alexandralyman​: AU: When Princess Emma's ship is captured by the Jolly Roger and Captain Killian Jones, she offers herself as a hostage for ransom if he will let the ship and the other passengers go. With Emma, Killian remembers the honour he once held dear, and Emma catches glimpses of the gentleman Killian had been. Against all odds, the pirate and the princess begin to fall for each other.

[burnedbyshoto]

Welcome Home - Part Four

todoroki shouto x mom!reader

warnings: vomit tw, fluff

word count: 3,062

a/n: so we back and better than evah with domestics for shouto and kaito!!!!! got some requests to do this, and finally after having this done since like august. its finally posted!!!!!! enjoy anons!!!! also can totally be read as a stand alone, but ill link the other parts too.

Part One  Part Two  Part Three

It was safe to say you were in pain.

It was currently week twenty of your second pregnancy. To say the least you are always exhausted, in pain, hormonal, sad, angry, elated, and swollen. Even at week twenty, you were not at all showing. It had helped you continue to be an active Pro-Hero until week fifteen. It was now nearing the holidays. Statistic speaking most villain activity spiked around that time. So when you almost fainted on the job, Shouto forced you into maternity leave.

With Kaito still being four and requiring you to be around, you couldn’t go back and teach at U.A.! So you were able to stay at home restless, unattended to, and alone. 

You were now in your second trimester of pregnancy and you still had yet to tell Kaito. Hell! You still hadn’t seen the doctor outside of the pregnancy confirmation! As of lately, the paparazzi were interfering with your personal lives. You weren’t public with this pregnancy secret yet.

To be rather honest, it scared you to tell Kaito. The absolute thought of telling your sweet baby boy made you too nervous. It was to the point you were shivering and sweating thinking about it. You weren’t sure how he was going to react to this news. He would be turning five in a few weeks too. The night you had told Shouto you are pregnant again you promised something. You promised Shouto that the two of you would break the news before his birthday. But your fears were getting to you.

The last thing you wanted was for Kaito to feel that you were going to abandon him! He had bawled so much on the first day of preschool because he thought you and Shouto were leaving him! Yes, he is older than that first day of school, but he was still a mama’s boy! Even at five, Kaito demanded and loved the attention he got from the both of you! Babies were time and energy-consuming. Kaito already had less time with both of you working. Even with the above-average energy and stamina you and Shouto had, you were sure tire every day. 

So there you sat at home. You were crying as you thought about your redheaded baby as you tried cleaning. The other sound besides your sobs was the TV. You were currently watching a LIVE interview with Pro-Hero Shouto. 

Shouto was out on another island of Japan right now. He was finishing a national tour that his PR team made him go on. Given that your pregnancy was still unknown he agreed, as you two said no one could know until Kaito knew. But as you scrubbed the living room table, you wailed looking at Shouto. Your husband was looking way too attractive with his newest hero costume. On top of everything, this pregnancy was making you horny. And you couldn’t even do anything about it without Shouto there! Well, you could, but you ached so much! Most nights you almost always fell asleep the moment when your head hit the pillows. At least when Shouto wasn’t home that's what happened. Stupid baby hormones. 

You turned your attention back to the TV screen. The interview so far had been about a recent villain attack Shouto had put down in world-record speeds. Shouto had captured twenty villains in two seconds because they froze when they saw him. None of which having an effective quirk to counter the ice trapping their bodies. After a commercial break, and a promise of learning more about the personal life of Shouto, they were back! You were curious about what was going to happen. Shouto, after all, was still missing a few situational cues even at the age of twenty-eight.

“So, Shouto!” The TV hostess chirped, pushing the wisps of her hair that fell out of her bun out of her face. “You and another amazing Pro-Hero: Y/h/n make a fantastic duo out there fighting villains! You two have amazing chemistry out on the field.”

You couldn’t help the laughs that escape your lips at that statement. Oh, if only Pro-Hero Shouto was the same as Provisional Licensed Shouto in dealing with the media. He would have been so confused with that statement. You watched Shouto’s composed face melt from his media face into one you recognize as one he uses when you talk to him. “Yes, Y/h/n is, in fact, a wonderful hero, and she is amazing to work with no matter the task.”

“I bet it helps she’s your wife, too, huh?” The hostess blushes as she giggles and shouts of approval and joy echo with the live audience.

Shouto chuckles as he nods his head, “It does help, yes.”

You can’t help but roll your eyes. You and Shouto were one of the first top-ranked Pro-Heroes to get married. The both of you had been the Number One Hero at some point within your so far ten-year career. It also seemed that no matter how many years of marriage went by. Or how many times the media mentioned it, everyone still giggled about your romance. As if you both were in denial. 

“And of course, your beautiful baby, Kaito-kun!”

The screen behind them presents the single photo you and Shouto had shared of Kaito. It was the first day of school for him. Kaito was wearing the navy blue uniform of the school. The shorts ironed, crisped, and clean. The white-collar of his shirt peaked out over the blue blazer of his school. The crest printed over the right pocket. Kaito’s blazing red hair had a styled back into a 'comb-over'. It was fancy for school! But Kaito had insisted he wanted it stylized “like papa” as it was Shouto’s go-to for any fancy event.

Kaito's smile was large and wide. His eyes squinted because of the large grin. Despite the amount of excitement and enthusiasm in the picture, he clutched onto your leg. You remembered the tight grip he had on you. Because while he loved taking pictures, he was nervous about starting pre-school. You had been wearing a nice, modest outfit of yours in celebration of his new year. Stylized and with makeup on. You had a hand on Kaito, while the other held onto Shouto. A smile on your face.

Shouto was also dressed up in a navy blue suit. Kaito begged him to wear it in case he was the only one in a navy blue uniform. 

Kaito didn’t quite understand that everyone was going to be wearing the same uniform. Still, Shouto had dressed up the way Kaito demanded to ease his anxiety. Kaito believed no one could make fun of him if the Pro-Hero Shouto–his papa–dressed up that way! Shouto’s hair styled exactly like Kaito, and a gentle smile on his face. His arm wrapped around you as well. His other hand resting on top of your hand resting on top of Kaito’s shoulder.

Of course, after the photo was taken, you and Shouto walked Kaito to the classroom. Kaito bawled for quite a long time, and you cried with him too. Shouto had to hug you that entire morning because you had been so sad. When you and Shouto went to pick him up later that day Kaito was ecstatic to tell you about his day. Many of his classmates were in awe over who his parents were and so it helped him to create friends.

“What a beautiful family, I'm serious. I’m jealous!” The hostess sighed as there was another round of vocal agreement from the crowd. 

“Yeah, Kaito and Y/n make me happier,” Shouto says softly as he continues looking at the photo of the three of you. “They are my world.”

The audience and you make an awing noise, but your tears crack your voice.

“Speaking of family,” The hostess slyly states, a cunning twinkle in her eye. “Can you give us any insight on why Y/h/n retired from the scene for a while? Don’t think we haven’t noticed her not appearing with you for the past few weeks!”

Shouto chuckles as he shifts in his seat, “Is she pregnant again?” The hostess questions, and your heart rate increases, and as Shouto’s mouth opens to lie, your alarm goes off. Cursing under your breath, you run to your phone, it was time to pick up Kaito from school.

“Mama! GueSS WHAT!” Kaito shrieked as he threw himself into your arms, and you groaned as his knee hit up against your sore stomach. 

“Let me see, did your best friend finally get his quirk?”

“Well, he did it’s super cool, he can make food appear whenever he wants! I had so many chicken nuggets!” Kaito exclaims as you press a kiss to his temple, his once styled hair resembled close to a rats nest on his head. Oh, those Todoroki men just could never keep their hair tidy. “But that’s not it, silly mama!”

You hummed in thought. Kaito's waiting for your response as he waves goodbye to his fellow friends and strangers. “Did you find your missing sock? The one you weren’t wearing when I came to pick you up yesterday?” You asked tickling Kaito’s stomach.

“Well… I lied, I well... I accidentally burned it when I was showing off my quirk to my friend.” Kaito meekly stated and you laughed, he had already told you that yesterday. It seemed that he had already forgotten.

“Okay, well your mama is out of guesses, what happened today?” You asked as Kaito placed his head on your shoulder, his fingers playing with your hair.

“Midoriya-chan had a baby brother.” Kaito sighed as he placed your hair against his face, and you looked down at Kaito who stared back at yours. His y/e/c piercing through you, but he had no idea that he was. “Which means that Midoriya-ojii-san can’t come to babysit me anymore!”

You nod your head as you sighed. Typical Kaito forgetting that he had found that out a few weeks ago! You and Shouto had taken Kaito to the hospital to meet Midoriya's new baby too. You and all your female friends had by coincidence gotten pregnant around the same time. It seemed that it was still happening even now.

“We met baby Midoriya last week, remember?” You prod softly as you let Kaito down as he bounded up the door, “Didn’t you say you wanted to be a big brother to him?”

“I want to be a big brother!” Kaito agreed, his head nodding as you unlocked the door, “But only so that the baby can eat my asparagus!”

Laughter overtakes you, and quickly you began to cry as you locked the door behind you. After settling down you instruct Kaito to finish his homework as he was ready to do anything but that.

Later that night, you and Kaito sat at the table eating dinner while singing along to the songs on the radio. Kaito sighed rubbing his face, “Mama, when’s papa coming back? He’s been gone for so long! I miss him...”

Your face fell in the overwhelming love you had for your child and his love for his father. “I miss your papa, too. He’s supposed to be back tomorrow, baby. Remember he called us last night and told you?”

“Yeah, but he could’ve been lying! Like when he tells you he’s doing nothing when me and him get cookies! Okay, but don’t tell him I miss him!” Kaito grinned as he shoved white rice into his mouth.

“Why wouldn’t I tell your papa that?!” You gasp looking at Kaito with squinted eyes, he was such a brat sometimes.

“Easy! I wouldn’t want papa to be sad, and then make you mad because papa loves me more than he loves you!”

You roll your eyes at your red-headed child and sighed. “I can do that, as long as you promise not to tell your papa that he’s no longer my favorite!”

“HAHAHA PAPA ISN’T YOUR FAVORITE—hey, wait, maMA!!”

The sounds of Kaito and you shouting and laughing audible from down the street. The night seems to only begin as you and your son play fought around the dining room.

But it came to a quick end when you had to stop Kaito who was trying to climb up your leg. Your body felt completely nauseous, and the gag in your throat told you that you were about to throw up. So you ran to the bathroom, Kaito’s worried screams following after you.

Bile and vomit rose up your throat as your retched into the toilet. The bitter acid burning your mouth as you threw up for a solid minute. You felt like your body was on fire as you sank to the floor unable to stop your sobs.

“Are you okay, mama?! Please tell me you're okay, mama!” Kaito shook your shoulder, and you could hear the tears in his voice as you rose back up to throw up again.

“Kaito-chan, move please.” The smooth voice of your husband calls and you look up to see Shouto in the doorway, still donning his costume.

“Papa, mama is th-throwing up!” Kaito sobbed as Shouto stepped over to you. Placing his left hand on your back, and his right hand on your neck, your body felt better as soon as his quirk activates.

Your sobs slowly stopped. You felt your sickness ease while Shouto is careful while massaging your body. Kaito is now plugged by your side, his cheeks wet with tears, and you rub your fingers into his scalp. Your free hand moves to touch your beginning to swell belly as you looked up at Shouto. Your head nodding, and a nonverbal agreement came between the two of you. You were sure you had vomit in the corner of your mouth, but Shouto leans down and presses a gentle kiss to your lips. It's an encouraging kiss, and you feel at ease. After flushing the toilet for you, Shouto sat down on the bathroom floor, handing you a cup of water that you swallow down in thanks.

The entire Todoroki family finally accounted for.

“I’m okay, baby,” You whisper, continuing to stroke Kaito's head, “I’m okay.”

“What’s wrong with you, mama?” Kaito asks, his eyes red and puffy as he stared into your face. His tiny hands coming to press themselves up against your cheeks. “You’re not dying, are you!?”

You watch as Shouto comes and places a hand on Kaito’s head, ruffling his hair softly. “We actually have a secret we need to tell you,” Shouto says as Kaito whips his head to stare at his father. “You have to promise to keep our little secret though.”

Kaito blinks a few times. He is unsure of what this secret could be, but he nods his head as he squirms in your arms until he’s sitting in your lap. “I can... I can do that.”

“You know how I asked you if you wanted to be a big brother earlier?” You say nuzzling Kaito’s soft hair with your nose. You feel Kaito’s head nod, he was still oblivious to what's coming.

“Your mama is pregnant, Kaito.” Shouto continues as the two of you study Kaito, who turns his attention towards you. His confusion on the word pregnant swimming in his eyes.

“You’re going to be a big brother, Kaito-chan.” You whisper, tears forming in your eyes.

Kaito stands up from your lap and sits on his knees, staring at your belly. You watch as your breath hitches as he gets rather close to your belly, and places his small hand on you. “Hi, little brother, or little sister, my name is Todoroki Kaito! I’m your big brother! I don’t really know what you do? Did my mama eat you? If so, I will tell her to poop you out because that’s mean of her! I’m mama AND papa’s favorite though, so don’t be jealous when you find out they love me more! Oh! Also! I have a lot of toys you can play with!”

You stared up at Shouto with tears flowing down your face. Your facial expressions changing from glee to utmost sadness. But your eyes gaze lovingly at your husband who also wipes a tear away as your son talks to your belly. You grabbed Shouto’s hands bringing him closer to you.

You kissed him gently, over and over.

“Welcome home, Shoucchan.” You sniffle as he continued pressing small pecks to your mouth.

“Papa is kissing mama, it’s pretty gross!! Papa takes all the kisses away from mama, and all the leftovers are for me, so don’t be sad if you don’t get any! We’ll just have to kick papa out of mama's kiss list!”

A snort escapes Shouto’s as he leans back rolling his eyes, “Damn kid,” He whispers and you laugh full of mirth.

“You know what, Kaito-chan?” You say as your son tears his one-sided conversation from your belly.

“What, mama?”

“Your papa does lie a lot, look he’s back today!”

there’s going to be one more part for this little unintentional series, but i think after that it may be time to retire kaito and co. only because i don’t want to bore you all. i hope you guys liked it! please comment and like if you did ;)

bonus!

“Alright, y/n-sama, and Todoroki-sama, and Kaito-chan! Let’s have a look at the baby!” The doctor smiles as she places the gel on your belly. A gasp escaping your lips from the coldness and sudden pressure of the ultrasound on your stomach.

“So my mama didn’t eat my baby? Are you sure?!” Kaito asks again as he holds onto your hand peering at your relatively small belly still. “She doesn’t look fat enough to have done that!”

“Kaito!” You and Shouto exclaim, staring at your son who decides to laugh as he plays with you hair.

“How many weeks are you again?” Your doctor asked, confusion coming across her face.

“Twenty-two.” You say glancing her way, you were nervous, why was that a major concern.

“Well, if you would like to look, here’s your first babies head.” The doctor states. Her finger pointing at a fuzzy circle. You were never good at seeing the baby through an ultrasound picture.

Wait did she say—

“First?!” Kaito says a horrified gasp on his face, “MY MAMA ATE TWO BABIES?!”

“Congrats Todoroki-san’s, you’re having twins! One girl and one boy!”

You looked over at Shouto who seemed just as shocked as you. “Oh my god…”

Tears flow out your eyes and you see the same for Shouto as he comes down to give you the gentlest of kisses.

“Papa, mama ate my baby brother and sister and you’re kissing her?! You must reaaallllyyyy love her!”

“I do really love your mama, Kaito-chan, don’t you?”

“Of course I do! BUT she ate my baby brother and baby sister. That's CRAZY!"

[kerice]

Painful Memories...

I came across some old photos. Some of my wedding. I can look at these pictures now with less emotion. There is sadness but I really can’t identify with that person in the photo anymore. Does this mean I have detached myself? I remember being there. Have I healed from the wounds that are still painful to mention? This day, more than 17 years ago, was a start of a major trial in my life. Having the courage to work through the pain of recovery has helped give me the drive and tenacity to overcome financial debt and to succeed in school. 

My academic journey started back in 1996, academic achievement did not come easy to me in high school, but I wanted to get a good job, so a few years after high school I started classes at Seattle Central College, in Seattle Washington. I then had a child at age 25 and I became a single mom. I am always inspired by women who say that without hesitation, trepidation or feeling less than women who have a partner. When my son was about three years old, I transferred to Bellevue College. They had a work study program where I could work at the school daycare (where my son was) and also work on my career goals, while having my son close. Due to the early birth of my second son on Nov. 27th, I was unable to finish my last two weeks of course work in the fall of 2003. As a result, I received a failed grade in my personal enrichment courses of French 201 and Algebra II. However my GPA for my science classes were within the range they needed to be. But, even so, I had to quit my job and dropped out of college since my son was born two weeks before the final exams. 

On the day of the wedding, It was a beautiful, warm day in September 2004, I remember, the kids were dancing and laughing, the lakeside property was gorgeous. I remember my family and friends being around me, it felt like a different life. I don’t like going back in my thoughts. The pain of those memories has become less as time’s gone on. To go from such a happy day celebrating with the person I wanted to live my life with to days later, almost losing my life to this person. This is a story, no one wants to tell. Four days after my wedding, I was a victim of a road rage incident, where I was physically assaulted and (along with my infant son) nearly killed. My husband of four days was charged with reckless endangerment and assault and then arrested. A passerby had seen the incident and called 911. I still can’t believe this happened to me. He never apologized for what he had put us through, we never saw him again except at a distance. I then started therapy for the physical pain that was inflicted on me, the emotional pain would be a much longer process of healing.

When you go through the family court system and testify in front of everyone, what you go through, it is very difficult. After the shock wears off, the shame sets in, it’s hard to talk about. They (the court advocates) encourage you to talk, saying that it saves lives. I felt lost and defeated. I was forced to go through court ordered therapy, which I knew, any invasive findings would be broadcast in court. I had to acknowledge other incidences of abuse that led up to the escalation to the road rage. I was faced with the reality of my own denial of what was happening to me. The excuses I would make to myself. He was just stressed out. Maybe it was a psychotic break? I couldn’t be objective or logical enough to begin to imagine why someone would do such things to a person they profess to love. I didn’t want a stomach ulcer on top of everything else. I was able to get a pro bono attorney for the first trial.  But after my ex-husband went to domestic violence treatment, there was a new trial. This was because, where there is “abusive use of conflict,” the courts don’t allow mediation to settle parenting plans. This put me in financial peril, and I have struggled financially  ever since. 

It’s been many years since the assault and arrest. I was vilified and blamed for what caused our separation to our community and friends. According to his account, it was all an exaggeration, a misunderstanding. I heard him say in court that I was crazy, emotionally unbalanced. Especially during the child custody proceedings. I was so afraid of him and what he would do to me. I couldn’t even comprehend fully what he was doing, who he even was. Was he my enemy now? He blamed me for getting him arrested, even though I had not been the one who called the police, but an anonymous stranger did! I felt alone, scared, traumatized. I hated having to go through the court hearings and hear the venomous words coming from him and his attorney. It made me feel crazy, out of my mind. I had to get away, I saw him everywhere, I was always looking over my shoulder. Sudden movements would make me jump. Flashes of the trauma would enter my mind. While driving my car, when I would see brake lights I would tense up and my heart would skip a beat. How could I even co-parent with this person? My Post Traumatic Stress was keeping me from moving beyond what happened to me, keeping me from moving forward. But I knew I had to somehow keep it together and be strong for my children. 

After the divorce, I was given permission to move out of state. In 2007, my brother, who lived in Northern Kentucky, offered me a job. Because of this, I was able to move out of state with my children. I am so grateful to my brother for his help in this transition. During this time, my father had entered retirement from the military out on the west coast. He and my mother were planning on moving to Cincinnati to help my brother with his business. The timing of the move was good since we would be able to have the support of my family, during this time of healing and transition. Upon my move, my ex was continuing to file motions at the Seattle court house. I had to hire an attorney, from out of state, to represent me and to respond to every motion filed. Within 5 years, he filed 12 motions that were all dismissed for lack of credibility. Even though he was ordered to pay my attorney’s fees, these orders were not enforced, therefore leading me to incur much debt over the years. With the two divorce trials costing $40,000 and the additional $10,000, my finances were in trouble. I had to ask my parents for help with these huge costs. Two years after the divorce, he stopped paying child support and my daycare costs exceeded $6,000. I had to ask my parents for help with the kids, which allowed me to work more hours to pay my debts. I have been used to working two or sometimes three jobs to get a handle on my finances. In 2015 I was able to receive vocational training so I could earn more per hour. 

I am a single parent living in the Cincinnati area for almost 14 years now. After much healing and hard work, I am anxious to continue my academic career goals. I am the proud parent of two well-adjusted young adults and I’ve had much experience juggling work, school and parenting. I also became the caretaker of my grandmother the last year of her life. In which I moved her into my home with my two children. During this time, as I partnered with the hospice care staff, I assisted in many nursing responsibilities. Reflecting back on this now, I feel that nursing is the field I belong in. During my time in Cosmetology school, I took on another caretaking job. I did this while managing my other full-time job. Then in 2018, I enrolled in an accelerated program at the Cincinnati School of Medical Massage. Where we had rigorous course work in A&P and Pathology. I also became a personal care assistant in 2018. I also currently work as a licensed Cosmetologist and LMT, as well as an STNA. 

I am happy to say that my domestic partner and fiancé is supportive of my desire to finish my nursing education. Over time I had developed a tougher exterior, not able to readily identify with my feelings. I was so guarded, out of necessity. An armor of survival. I find it more difficult to make friends, especially deep friendships that take invested time and effort. Letting people in feels too high of a risk at times, as the emotional scars surface. Where I attended massage school, they taught us what it means to be “semi-permeable.” The idea of boundary lines that define your personal space and the space for the client. If you are too closed off, then you won’t be able to tune into anyone else’s needs. This was a wonderful exercise for me in many ways. It’s helped me in my relationship with my children as well. In the past, I’ve heard awful comments directed towards me, anywhere from saying that I am a bad mother, to questions like, why didn’t I just get an abortion. Being on the other end of the parenthood journey, with my kids entering the adult world, I would say it was worth the pain, the struggle. We persevered, we are all tough as nails, I can see it from the work ethic my kids have. Even in the most ideal circumstances, children can still have issues. But seeing the love for me in their eyes is very moving. Watching them run around, playing and laughing is like watching my heart dancing outside of me. I wish that some things had been different for them. But through the struggle, we established a strong bond, which I believe will last for years to come. I don’t know who made this quote but it sums up so much. “A son makes love stronger, days shorter, bankroll smaller, home happier, clothes shabbier, the past forgotten and the future worth living for.” 

This trial has taught me to not be too quick to dismiss the notion that real love does heal our wounds. In my younger years I would have thought of that notion too trite. Having my children with me in my life has given me profound purpose and meaning. As small children, they looked to me as their constant, their calming force. They were my purpose for staying strong, stoic, steady. When they were little and even now, I give them my continued support. Also, it took me years of being single to allow myself to fall in love again. I feel thankful to my family and to my God that I have another chance at a lifetime partnership. So much healing has taken place but the memories in the emotions are still there. The muscle memories within the physical scars, are still there.

I see what those court advocate where talking about, all those years ago. I have come through the pain of a trial that allows me to empathize with the profound pain of others. Sharing my pain can save lives, or at least meeting others at their depths, so they feel less alone. Not that I have the answers, only the experience in the struggle to survive. I believe now, as a nurse (or soon to be) I can come along side someone and show them I understand what it’s like to be in pain. I can better understand where they’re at because of what I’ve been through. Not everyone is ready to hear a story like mine. A lot of times i get the, “ wide eyed, gaping mouth” reaction. But sometimes I meet someone who says, that it was what they needed to hear. It gives them the courage to set out on their own journey of survival. To start fresh, to start over if that’s what is necessary to start the healing process. As a massage therapist I deal with people and their physical pain all the time. I build care plans around strategies to begin the healing process. Many times, the physical pain is locked up with emotional pain underneath. I understand this, as I am there with them, letting them cry through their trauma. It’s a process that I feel privileged using my skills and abilities to aid in the healing.

[bunnitears]

Nervous Habit

{ Reupload because I'm dumb.. don't ask }

Has your mom ever told you to never talk to people you don't know? "Y/N, you can never talk to strangers. You don't know what they're thinking." My mom would tell me that a lot as a child and I've always listened. Actually, it's now developed into a sort of problem.

I'm afraid of men. There. It's out in the open. And before somebody out there gets offended, I want to explain myself, without going into too much detail, that is.

I was hurt. I know, it's cliche, at least in my mind. "A young girl was victimized and was traumatized beyond repair." That sounds like the plot of almost every episode of Law and Order. But, it's my reality and I can't change the past. People tell me I can change the future, and sure, I absolutely can. But do I want to?

Not really… I don't see a need to try and conquer my fear. I'm not interested in dating or meeting a guy for any reason. And unfortunately, I'm just not romantically attracted to girls. Though sometimes I wish I was, I'm just not. And I don't want to try and date anyone I'm not attracted to. That's not fair for anybody involved. I'll settle for having close friends.

Speaking of close friends, the only one who knows of my fear is my best friend Maya. She's a Bengal cat shifter, and even though I'm a boring old human, we've been best friends for 7 years and counting.

We met in maybe 6th grade biology and bonded over knowing absolutely nothing about biology. And not really caring about it, either. We've been by each other's side ever since.

-----

12 Days Until Christmas

Maya and I have plans to go out for coffee and get some shopping done. We've decided to meet at the coffee shop down the street from my house around noon. When it's not too busy and not too cold as the sun is still out.

As I'm finishing getting ready, putting on a final coat of mascara, I see Maya's face pop up on my phone next to me.

"Hey hey!" I say cheerily as I put Maya on speaker. I'm really starting to get into the Christmas spirit.

"Hi…" Maya says. I immediately notice that she doesn't sound too good. Her voice sounds like the equivalent of tires rolling on gravel, just hoarse and crunchy.

"Maya are you alright? You don't sound too great." She starts to answer but is cut off by a coughing fit.

"Yeah… I'm okay. I just have a cold. I don't think I can go shopping today though…"

"Maya, of course you can't, you need to rest. Do you need any help? I can come over if you want." I tell her.

"No, please don't worry. Minhyuk's gonna come over after work. I'll be alright." Minhyuk is Maya's boyfriend. They've been together so long, maybe 3 years at this point. It's pretty incredible.

Seeing them together and almost nauseatingly happy, it sort of makes me yearn for somebody to hold. But, that would mean talking to somebody, and having social anxiety as bad as I do, that's not an easy task.

I can't even order coffee in person. I order online and pick it up to avoid talking to anybody. And before you say it, I do realize it's a problem, but it's easier to be alone. I can look for my Prince Charming later.

"Okay good," I start. "I'm sure with him by your side you'll be up and running by tomorrow."

"Oh yeah, I'm sure. He always makes me feel better." She says. There was an attempt at a laugh, but that just turns into a lot of painful sounding coughs.

"But Y/N, can you do me a small favor?" Maya asks.

"Yeah Maya, whatever you need." And I do mean that. She is my best (and maybe only) friend after all.

"Can you please, please, pretty please woth a cherry on top, promise me that you'll go outside today." I should've known.

"I don't want you cooped up inside your apartment all day long. It's not healthy." I realize Maya is only looking out for me, but I like staying inside and I don't think she gets that. Even after knowing me for as long as she has.

"Maya, it's not a big deal…" I say. "But for you, I'll go out and do some shopping, okay? I'll even talk to somebody."

Do I mean that?

"Okay good! Great! Thanks Y/N, you know I'm only looking out for you. I'll text you later, okay?" Maya says sleepily.

"Okay, feel better Maya. Keep me posted. Bye."

No. I didn't mean what I said. Do I feel bad for lying to her? Absolutely. But I had to. Maya is often my only reason for going outside and if she knew how mad my social anxiety has been these past few weeks she'd be disappointed in me. She may even be mad at me. It's just easier if she thinks I can still go out and function.

I even work from home as a freelance proofreader. I already have my dream job - I'm reading for a career. I love it.

I make enough to sustain myself and put something away for savings. I don't have a car to make payments on. I have no pets to care for. I'm not strapped for cash.

I'm comfortable. I hardly leave my apartment unless I'm actually craving sunlight, but I'm happy with my life.

Although, maybe a pet wouldn't be so bad. My aunt has three dogs and she just adores them like her own children. Seeing her with them makes me think it may be a good idea to rescue a furry friend to keep my company. I've never really had a pet before, anyway.

I think I'll look into adopting a pet of some kind. I've heard they are theraputic after all and I'm sure Maya would say I could use some therapy.

-----

Four Days Until Christmas

"Maybe a cat would suit you better, you don't do the whole… "outside" thing and dogs need to go outside."

Maya says as she takes a bite of her turkey sandwich. Maya is finally feeling better and she asked me out for lunch on this very snowy winter day. I haven't been outside since before Maya got sick a little over two weeks ago. Adding that to the 3 weeks before she got sick that I didn't go outside, I haven't been outside in approximately… a sickeningly long amount of time. I know, pathetic. But I'd never tell Maya about it. She'd get angry and frustrated with me. It's not worth it.

For her sake, I told her I've been out of the house for at least an hour every other day and that seemed to ease her mind.

"You know what, that's probably a better idea." I say before taking a sip of my hot chocolate. I look at Maya as her eyes widen to the size of dinner plates. I can practically see the wheels turning in her head at the revelation she seems to have stumbled upon.

"Actually, you know what!" She starts.

Staring straight into my eyes she nearly shouts,

"You should adopt a Hybrid!"

My own eyes widen at her comment. Adopt a Hybrid? I'm not sure about the social norms in your society, but in mine, Hybrids are tetering on the line between normal civilian and property. As barbaric as that sounds, it's just the truth of the matter.

While Shifters like Maya are widely accepted because of their ability to hide their animal counterparts almost completely, Hybrids are a different story. Hybrids have their ears, tails, scales, feathers, and whatever else they could have on full display at all hours of the day and society isn't okay with that.

And adopting a Hybrid is just not right in my eyes. No matter what you are, Human, Hybrid, Dragon, Goblin, you are not to be bought or sold.

"A Hybrid Maya? You know how I feel about that…" I sort of trail off my last statement because she does already know my views on this subject.

"I know, I know, but it's really not as big a deal as you make it out to be. Minhyuk was adopted and he has a great life!" Maya says enthusiastically. Minhyuk does have a great life. He was lucky enough to have a great owner named Jooheon who treats Minhyuk like he would a brother. But there's so many Hybrids who arent as lucky.

"I don't know Maya. The idea of "owning" another person is so… pre-Civil War-esque."

Maya sighs. "Y/N, I know that you know how badly some Hybrids are treated by their owners." She begins.

"But I know that you would never treat anybody badly. You're an amazing person once you break down those walls! I really think you should think about it. There's a lot of Hybrids who need help…"

She gives me a sympathetic smile and places her hand over mine. I know that there's thousands of Hybrids who need good homes. And yes, I know I'm perfectly capable of helping at least one of them.

I'm just afraid. I'm afraid of not being a good owner for them. I'm afraid of disappointing them. I just don't know if I'm a good enough person. But all Maya asked me to do was think about, so I guess I can give her that.

-----

Christmas Eve

Maya and I spent the rest of lunch that day talking about the pros and cons of adopting a Hybrid and by the end of it, I had made up my mind. I wanted to adopt one. But now that we're walking to the shelter on Christmas Eve, I'm even more depressed. It's freezing out, the snow must be 4 inches thick on the ground, there's people everywhere, and all I can think about is my book nook in my kitchen and the pile of books waiting for me.

Oh, and by the way, I had to make an appointment with a Hybrid Match Specialist at the shelter. They're supposed to help me find the right kind of Hybrid for me. Maya has been trying to explain the different species and subspecies of Hybrids to me as we walk to the shelter, but it's too much information. There's so many kinds! And they're all different in every way.

There's Reptile Hybrids who are better suited for people who like to explore and party. There's Dog Hybrids who work well with energetic, health conscious people. And Cat Hybrids who like someone calm and family oriented. And the list goes on and on.

Maya continues to ramble on about the differences and complexities of each Hybrid species as we finally reach the shelter in the middle of the city. The building in one of the tallest, it looks like nearly 40 stories. Why is this shelter so big, anyway?

I look up at the building towering over me and I'm frozen in my spot, not just from the cold, but from the events that will transpire in less than two hours. Maya continues walking into the building and all I can do is stare up at this building. I may end up leaving with a whole other person that I will be solely responsible for. And it's not just that, what if that person's a man? I really don't mean to be rude, I'm just not comfortable around men and I haven't been in a very long time. I'm horrified of walking into this building and it must show because Maya stands in front of me and takes my gloved hands in hers.

She tucks a strand of hair behind my ear and says, "Y/N? Can you hear me?" I'm still looking up at the skyscraper. Thoughts zooming through my mind like a Nascar race. She places a hand on my cheek and lightly forces me to look in her eyes. She flashes me a sympathetic smile.

"If you really don't wanna do this, you don't have to. We can turn around right now and I can take you home." She says gently.

I know I can go home, all of this is voluntary, after all. I'm torn, I feel like I'm at war with myself. On one hand, I can walk into this building and come out with an adoring companion who will be with me until the end of my days. On the other hand, am I willing to let this person into my home? My safe space. The place I cherish and the place I know I can never be harmed? What if this person has ill intentions? What if they just wanna get out of the shelter and will do anything to make that happen? There's so many things that could go wrong, so many ways I could get hurt.

"I wanna do this." I say with a heavy sigh. Maya grips my hand tighter and pulls me by neck into a bone crushing hug. She says she's proud of me, says I won't regret this. I don't believe her, but I'd really, really like to.

[royallyprincesslilly]

Title: Arranged {4}

Yahya Abdul Mateen II x OFC Nyorie Kane

Warning: Mild Cursing. Plot

Words: 2.7k

Summary: Yahya is thirty-three, and his friends and family all seem to believe that it is long overdue for him to have a wife. He’s been set up more times than he can count and with his busy schedule and rising Hollywood star, it is becoming even more difficult to meet people, well people who aren’t looking for a come up. In the beginning, he said he didn’t want anything serious; his motto was “I’m was here for a good time not a long time.” Then it became he didn’t want anything that would distract him from where he wanted to go and what he wanted to accomplish. Now that his fame is rising and he’s approaching a sweet spot in his career he decides what the hell the time might be right.

In comes “A Match”, an exclusive matchmaking company run by his best friend Ramel’s wife Tamika. He gives Tamika and Ramel free rein and all his trust to find him, someone, he’d mesh well with. Instead of going through her clientele Tamika has just the right woman in mind, her best friend, Nyorie. Things are done a little unorthodox at “A Match” though. This unconventional route is credited for a near-perfect success rate.

Note: I’ve only tagged those who have expressed to be on a forever tag list. 

***None of the images are my own***

**Loosely Proofread/Edited**

**Interactive**

Need To Catch Up?| Chapter one | Chapter Two | Chapter Three

✧*.。:。✧*.:。✧*✧*.。:。✧*.:。✧*✧*.。:。✧*.:。✧*

-Chapter Four-

Three days later he was staring at a stack of papers that was the contract agreement. Included in the agreement was also the usual fee for services. Tameka was making bank especially if this was the standard fee for every client. Among the papers was an extensive explanation of what she did, what she didn’t do, how she did what she did and what was expected. There was a code of conduct as well as termination policies. Inside the welcome packet there he found all the information about the different stages and the steps in each stage. This was very detailed and when he assessed it all, it wasn’t a completely illogical way to approach dating.

 Yes, it was absolutely nuts to agree to marry someone without seeing them, but the saying love is blind was coined for a reason. No, it probably was never meant to be taken so literal, but the truth was the same. Love was blind, love should be found and established with the purest cornerstones. His only hang-up was if this was something that was logical for him and who he was now. He wasn’t some local baker, or a teacher or even a city planner anymore. He was an actor. Now most places he went, he was recognized, approached and watched.

 Yeah he could go incognito eighty percent of the time and he was glad for it but he’d come to accept the luxuries of life before were not his luxuries now. He’d traded privacy for paparazzi, and traded clipboards for scripts. He still hadn’t gotten over the differences in his life from a year ago to today.

 The more he flipped through the papers and read them over carefully he thought more and more about what the road would look like moving forward with this. He thought about the kind of connection he would want with a woman and the likelihood of finding it like this. He went up and down and around it for what felt like hours. He talked himself into it ten times and out of it ten times. He’d even written a pros and cons list and had thrown it out and done it again too many times. By the time he’d come up with a decision he was fed up with thinking about it. He knew it was the fear of the unknown at this point. The only thing that was in his head at this point was doing the damn thing. So that’s what he told himself as he tapped out a text to Tameka.

 MSG: Let’s do it Meeka. Let’s do the damn thing!

 He shook his head and tried to shake off how ridiculous he felt. He knew he was ready for it, but he just had to get out of his head with it and allow whatever was meant for him to freely come.

 MSG Tameka: All right then. Fill out the paperwork, bring it back, fax it, courier whatever you choose. Once that’s processed we’ll start your screenings. Be mindful we’re going to be digging deep into your personality. Truthful answers are the only answers acceptable, especially if you want success.

MSG: Got it. Thank you Meeka.

MSG Tameka: You’re like my brother Ya. Anything I can do to help, I’ll do it.

 He’d known Tameka for over ten years. They were similar. In the beginning stages of Ramel’s relationship, he took it upon himself to get to know her to be sure she was right for his best friend. It didn’t take him long to be convinced she would be a good fit for Ramel. Since then they’d gotten closer and she really had turned into someone he considered a sister.

 He sat there in his living room filling out the first page of information.

 “Name; Yahya Abdul Mateen II. Nicknames; Ya, Hya. Date of Birth; July 15, 1986. Gender; grade A man baby. Family; mother and one brother, four sisters. Ethnicity and Race; Black and Proud. Height; six-three. Religion; Muslim. Gender you are seeking; female. Marital Status; Single. Income.” 

It was there he first paused as he tried to think of a response. Was he supposed to put his current net worth, what he had in the bank, what he was averaging per movie? He was probably thinking about too deeply, but he didn’t know what to put, so he put something basic and carried on.

 “Comfortable.” As he got to the second page it got a little more personal. There was a question asking about his family history then another inquiring about his blood type. After that, it went into physical illnesses or mental illnesses. When he saw the big leap from there to asking about communicable diseases he blinked because it wasn’t even page six and already things were getting real.

 He spent the next forty minutes or so answering the second, third and fourth pages that asked everything from STDs to medications currently taking. It was pretty detailed which he understood. These were important questions to know before matching someone. He zoomed through the questions about the reason for his decision for matching, and what his expectations were. He’d set the bar pretty low. He wasn’t sure what to expect so he decided to expect nothing spectacular. You can’t be disappointed if you never really set your hopes up, right?

By page six the real hard-hitting questions began. “What are you looking for in an ideal match?” He thought it would be a difficult question, thought he would have no idea what to write but that wasn’t the case. He found himself writing away. 

“A woman who is down to earth, funny, honest and smart. A woman who knows what she wants from life and isn’t afraid to go out and get it. a woman who is caring, understanding, passionate, supportive, ambitious. Someone who is silly and has a silly sense of humor and doesn’t take themselves seriously. Confidence is major for me, someone who loves music as much as I do, has a great attitude, positive, classy but definitely kinda hood.”

 He reread it and nodded his approval and continued.

 “What’s your type?” A wide smile spread across his face because he knew his type. He’d imagined her several times over the months. “Curvy and thick in all the right places, meat on the bones, beautiful lips, expressive eyes, nice smile, shorter than me, fashionable, black and proud in everything that means.”

 Thinking about his ideal woman and had him thinking what if Tameka actually pulled it off and found someone that was just right. What if in a few weeks his ass found a wife and not just another ex. That tripped him up and had him stepping away from the paperwork for a few minutes to collect himself and his thoughts with a glass of Henny. It wasn’t that he wasn’t ready, or he was reluctant for change, it was the reality of a possibility.

 When he returned to the papers he earnestly answered the remainder of the questions that ranged from a full six pages about him and his dreams, wants, desires and another six pages about his ideal mate and what he would want her dreams, wants and desires to be. When he was finally finished it was almost three in the morning and he was exhausted. He’d felt like he’d done a mental marathon. There were questions in this packet he hadn’t thought about in years and at all. he took that as a good sign. The more in-depth the questions the better the outcome, right?

  ~~~~~~~~~

A day later he was sitting in an office with a couple Tameka introduced as Dr. Rachel Abramson and Dr. Martin Abramson. They were in charge of mental and emotional screening and preparedness. His first impression was that he would sit in a comfy chair and discuss his thoughts and feelings about beginning the process. For the first hour that is exactly what happened. They had him begin and assured him now was the time to get all his questions out. So, since they wanted him to ask questions he did.

 “Are the two of you really that good to have so many success stories? There has to be one story of complete failure.”

 The two of them looked at each other and then back to him before they busted out laughing. After a few moments, they finished and Martin spoke first.

 “Tameka said you’d be a little apprehensive about the process.”

 “She sure wasn’t lying,” Rachel added.

 “Ha-ha-ha, very funny. You can’t blame me, can you? This is pretty peculiar.”

 “Okay here’s the thing. On a scale of normal and insane, this is insane when you think of it from a societal norm perspective. We’ve all been taught and conditioned that we have to do things one way in order to find the love and happiness we want and deserve. So we go our entire lives on this hamster wheel trying it over and over and over no matter how many times we fail. No matter how many times we don’t find that love or happiness we want but heartache or loneliness. At what point do you change your perspective? At what point do you start to wonder what are societal norms doing for me? Here we’re changing up the norms. There is no reason why a different approach cannot work,” Rachel finished.

 “We’re doing a different approach for the same goal. The only difference is our approach actually works and it continues to work. We’re that good at what we do because of the process and the screenings, these chats. We now know you want to be a believer, but you have to be shown the way. That will go into your profile and into the decision for those we cross with you for a match,” Martin explained.

 Taking a few moments for their words to register he nodded then shrugged. “All right. I’m here. Let’s do it.”

 That was when they began to dig deeper pulling him to talk about his entire life story, relieve every decision he’d ever made, every experience. He thought about things he hadn’t thought about in years. They had a way of bringing deeper meaning to his experiences, his struggles. They gave him worst-case scenarios and stressful situations, questioned his decisions in relationships and life. They dissected everything and the whole time they wrote note after note and exchanged look after look. After another two hours, he realized just how deep this process got. He felt like he’d just gone through the most extensive counseling session he’d ever had.

 “How do you feel?” Tameka studied him with a slight “yikes” face.

 “Damn that was intense.”

 “Yeah, Rachel and Martin really get in there and tear you apart and put you under a microscope then put you back together. Usually, everyone who sees them says they feel refreshed leaving.”

 “Refreshed? Meeka I feel like I just got a soul cavity search.” She laughed and shook her head.

 “Boy, you so stupid. Seriously, it’s all right. It’s like this for everyone,” she assured.

 “Are all screenings like this?”

 “I wouldn’t say that. This one usually puts everyone through a wringer, you’re facing a lot of things, it makes you doubt yourself; it’s supposed to. It’s part of the process. The worst is behind you. You have three more screenings and then we’ll move on to the fun stuff.”

 “What exactly is the fun stuff?”

 Tameka smiled widely and zipped her lips. He didn’t have a good feeling about whatever it was she was talking about.

 Sure enough, four days later he’d felt like he’d actually gone through the wringer. He’d completed the following screenings that focused on his potential mate love languages and expectations, and sexual expectations and intelligence. It was definitely an intricate process. From what he could tell those he’d dealt with really knew what they were doing.

 After a quick trip to New York for work and a trip with his brother and sister to Vegas for some downtime, gambling and silliness he felt refreshed. 

Today he dribbled the ball around the court with Ramel and crew he tried to keep his mind off of things. Tameka said they would go through his responses and screenings and put together a complete assessment that they would then use to go through their database of potential women he would mesh well with. He knew the processes couldn’t be rushed but he was getting a little anxious after three days and no notification on the status.

 He was a little off his game and Rashawn was taking advantage of that. He stole the ball and dropped a perfect fadeaway bucket. He stood there shaking his head.

 “What the hell has got your mind so outta the game you let Rashawn of all people steal your ball?”

 They laughed at him together and he had to admit he deserved it. He walked to the sideline and dropped onto one of the bleachers. His boys sat around him taking sips of their water.

 “Is this about this matchmaking?”

 Rashawn and Tyrell both sounded off. “Hold up, matchmaking? Are you getting set up?”

 Dropping his head back he rubbed the back of his neck. He didn’t want them all to know in case it didn’t work out and he was in fact unmatchable.

 “Yeah, I was trying something different, thought why not.”

 “Okay. We didn’t even know you wanted someone. Why you ain’t say something?”

 He shrugged and rolled his head around. “No reason.”

 “So that’s why your jump shot is shit and your ball handling is even worse,” Tyrell chided. He laughed at the insult to injury, he was already feeling like crap.

 “Man kick me while I’m down. Great.”

 “Leave him alone. Tameka’s process is tough. In the early days when she was giving me the run down, she blew my mind with how detailed everything is,” Ramel defended.

 “Right. Damn, I had no idea. After four days I felt like she’d unlocked a whole nother level to my personality I didn’t even know I had.” They all laughed but he wasn’t joking. He was woke before but now he was third eye woke.

 “So you’re waiting for results now?”

 “I’m waiting for them to finish analyzing my assessments. I think they’re screening me with potentials. I don’t even know.”

 “You ready to meet someone? I mean you could have yourself a girl in a month’s time,” Rashawn voiced.

 “He could have himself more than a girl in three months’ time,” Ramel corrected.

 “Yeah, I’m ready. The interesting thing is throughout the whole process of them analyzing me and asking me every question ever invented it had me really seeing how empty my life has been and how stuck I was. It opened my eyes to show me what I had to offer and that I was ready to offer it.”

 They all nodded fulling understanding what he meant. He was glad he wasn’t friends with men who ran from commitments and dogged out their women. He was glad he was surrounded by levelheaded mature men who sometimes acted like complete idiots behind their wives’ backs.

 “Well, I hope Tameka can work some miracle because it will have to be one hell of a woman who keeps your attention cause God knows you got that ADD,” Tyrell piped up.

 Again, they all laughed together, at his expense.

 A few more days passed with him working even more. He went on more and more auditions and his name was being kicked around quite a lot. According to his agent and manager, his name was brought up a lot for different projects. The ones that had him super excited was the fourth installment to The Matrix and a Candyman remake. He grew up on Candyman and damn near tripped down the steps when he’d read the email about it.

 The days passed quickly, and he traveled between NY, Miami and LA all for auditions, meetings, interviews, and photoshoots. he was busy but in the back of his mind, he wondered where he was in the process with A Match. The longer he went without hearing something, the more he worried that he was unmatchable.

 As he was pulling into LAX from his recent trip to London Tameka’s message caught him off guard.

 MSG Tameka: Great news. When can you come in?

 His nerves went into high gear as one thing repeated in his head.

 “So it begins.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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[cafeinthemoon]

Blue Velvet - Chapter III

Title: Blue Velvet

Genre: Fanfiction

Pairing: General Hux x oc

Rating: teen | up

Word count: 2619

Chapter (s): 3/10

Warnings: implied sexual content, making out, non explicit sex, some sort of emotional manipulation ???

Additional tags: original planet, original food, original alien characters

Symbols:  ✔ | ➕ | ▶ ▶

Read the previous chapters here: Chapter 1, Chapter 2

Chapter III - Purple Passion

Street art has a magic scent of its own, and I was so curious to see how Armitage would react to such thing that I let my mind wander a bit in this chapter. But I'm not regretting a single word of it.

" I thought love was on the stage"

(Florence and the Machine, Hunger)

There was a place in the city that became my favorite since my first the day here.

It was what one could call a great market: an extensive, roofless territory that turned into a commercial district, where we could find everything we wanted, in all colors, sizes and levels of quality. Crowds of people would fill it, but its streets were large enough to house all the tourists, natives and merchants who depended on it. It used to open every day and for entire cycles, so you didn't need to adapt your agenda to be able to visit it.

I used to go there in the middle of the week, at the evening, when I knew I would be free from any commitments. Sometimes I would go with some friends, but most of the times I would just walk alone in the streets; I would visit shops, observe the colorful tents and buy the items I believed to be worthy (and which would not drain my financial resources). I also used to talk to some of the oldest merchants, especially the non-humans; I would listen to their stories of old, when the market was infinitely smaller and didn't attract much people, and in return I would sing some of their favorite songs. I even learned some songs in alien languages, but I can't remember their complete lyrics now.

I believe that my greatest reason to love the market was the fact that I could walk through its streets without feeling exposed or watched. On the stage I was always observed, of course, but I had the control over what was seen; in my life outside of it, this kind of control didn't exist.

It was one of those evenings, maybe two days after my performance at that club, followed by the strange conversation with the man that introduced himself as General Hux. It was understandable that, after that encounter, I started to pay more attention to the holonews, and because of that I found out the First Order would stay in Odbeei for one more week. Which meant that he must still be around.

Maybe he was closer than I could imagine.

I was standing before a tent of a florist and found a bouquet of purple passions. It was a beautiful one, with four or five buds that were about to blossom, wrapped together by a brown, rustic stripe. I've always found them a magnificent species, but long time ago I convinced myself that, by their usual price, they would remain out of my reach forever.

I forgot to mention that, despite some products were sold at an impressive cost, some of the sellers were not as bitter as the prices. So, the woman of that tent, noticing my interest in that bouquet, insisted with me to take it. First, I shyly refused, but soon I was explaining to her that I would have to sing for a century to pay for those flowers and I would probably lose my voice before reaching my goal.

The florist laughed and was about to say something, but she fell silent when a second client approached.

- Would you mind telling me how much these flowers cost, ma'am? I'm interested on them.

I turned my neck to his side as soon as I recognized his voice.

He was pointing at the purple passions that were close to my hands; I cringed instinctively. The woman repeated the price, and he paid for the flowers without hesitating or trying to negotiate the cost. He thanked the seller but didn't wait for her to separate the bouquet and give it to him: he took the flowers by himself, observing them, oblivious to both of us and everything around.

- It would be a shame if we come to see the day when your voice will not be heard anymore – he said as he touched the petals; he looked at me and, with a curious smile, offered me the bouquet – Now you own the flowers, and your voice will remain untouched.

I took the bouquet so carefully as if the flowers were burning, but finally they were wrapped around my hands, as I was trying to accept the fact that now they belonged to me. When I looked up, I noticed he was staring at me, waiting for an answer. I must have taken so long to process what just happened that I didn't realize I should say "Thank you" before anything else.

Instead, I asked him to accompany me in my wandering through the market.

- Naturally, if you have some time for such thing, Sir.

Soon he said he did.

We left the flower tent and followed among the next ones, I myself concentrated on the bouquet, the General occupied in processing everything he was seeing. But his eyes wouldn't settle on anything for a long time; he didn't seem the kind of person who takes time with what can't bring him no benefits, no matter how much pleasing or attractive it looks. Thinking of this brought back that suffocating sensation in my throat. Why was he seeking for opportunities to be with me?

- During these few days since we arrived at Odbeei, our deals didn't start but after several hours after noon – he started – I must say that it seemed unusual to me.

- Unusual?

- Correct me if I am wrong, but you don't seem to care much about using the first hours of the day to solve priorities.

These words confirmed what I thought about him as someone attached to order and pro activity. It was still too soon to say if I'd appreciate it or not, but a spark of patriotic pride – or personal pride in disguise – made me reply to his statement with less docility that I intended.

- General, I'm not familiar with your routine as a military man, and I also don't know much about the management of cycles in other planets, but here in Odbeei we do things the way that seems to work for us. And we've been doing this for too long to consider drastic changes right now. It's understandable that some cultural traits of a planet look strange for a foreigner, but I'm personally satisfied with this philosophy. I believe it is wiser to focus on taking care of things with the attention they deserve than on being too rigid with the time of the day when we do it.

Different from what I expected, he didn't look irritated or offended by what he heard. Could he be someone who would rather concentrate on the things themselves instead of the manners of who said them?

I had no the time to find out, for I needed to focus on what he would say in answer.

- Fair enough. I apologize if the way I put the question was offensive for you. But I'd like you to understand that things like free time and flexibility are not a common trait of my days.

Of course. I've been living for so long a life separated from the other people's, so distant from anything that remind me of routines that I didn't came to see that what we were doing now – walking around a crowded place and speaking amenities – was anything but uncommon for someone in his position. I immediately felt the need to apologize.

I stopped and turned to him.

- I'm so sorry. I don't want your few hours of freedom to turn into a burden.

He smiled.

- There is no reason to worry about. Especially when these few hours of freedom can be spent in such a delightful company – and before I could think of something to say, he opened his arm in a gesture that indicated all the available ways ahead – I would be glad if you'd choose where we should go now.

I looked around, and even when I knew the places to where each of them would lead us, I hesitated for a moment, then turned to him and smiled.

- Do you trust my judgment, General?

He nodded but didn't turn his eyes from my face.

- This is why I am still here.

  ***

  We were passing through a large street, as crowded as the previous ones, but with no tents on its sidewalks. In their place there were artists of all kinds: painters, actors, dancers, musicians playing native instruments, foreigners and aliens singing or reciting poems in their mother tongues; there were also philosophers preaching about the ways of the Force to disciples sitting around them, as well as those ones we used to call nature-masters, teaching secret recipes of an infinity of herbs and roots used with medical purposes for free.

I was more than ued to that miscellany of colors and sounds, and I've come to love it as a smaller version of the Galaxy inside the original one; so, I walked among the people and the attractions as if I was in my living room. I couldn't say the same about the General: though he stood up with his manners and tried to remain calm, he didn't succeed in hiding that all those sources of sensory stimulation were not his first idea of having fun. He was looking around as someone who wanted to understand what he sees, but without the need to think of it as something of good taste or pleasing; he was, however, too polite to make rude observations, especially after what we talked about the cycles in Odbeei.

By those reasons, it was a great relief for both of us when just ahead in our path, we found something that mutually interested us.

It was one of those small, open stages for amateur singers and musicians that could be found in many corners of the market. Those lowered wood platforms, too close to the sidewalk's ground, were among the most appreciated things by both natives and tourists in the city: they weren't just a good instrument to relaxation, but also the very beginning of the career of many of our stage professionals; I myself started in one of them.

There was a man singing a modern version of a song that was popular two decades ago in our planet, playing a hand harp with many strings. I knew most of the lyrics, but I didn't want to take the risk of surpassing the singer with my voice, so I sang along with whispers. I didn't look on his direction, but I knew the General was paying attention; I couldn't tell if the show matched his taste, so I preferred to count on the possibility of him finally finding something that caught his genuine interest.

- It was on one of these stages that I first performed when I came to this city – I told him after the musician finished the song and was about to leave the platform – I miss them.

He turned to me.

- Here is your chance to revisit them.

I was caught by surprise with his quick reaction to what I said. I considered to say that we should move ahead, but the way he smiled when he offered to hold the bouquet convinced me to stay, and I let him softly take the flowers from my hands.

I walked to the edge of the platform and talked to the responsible for it, a Bothan dressed in a red tunic who consented with just a few words and pointed at a pile of instruments at a corner. I thanked him but explained that I'd rather sing with free hands. He nodded and gestured to the stairs beside the stage, through which I was supposed to make my entrance.

There was a microphone on a stand at the center; I took it and left the stand aside. I said good evening to the people around, introduced myself and announced the song.

I used to love the street stages for many reasons, one of them being the chance of staying so close to the people that I was able to see the bright in their eyes and their mouths curling in genuine smiles, as well as hearing some of them mumbling along and clapping their hands. It wasn't different that time, even when some of the youngest were not familiar to the chosen song: most of them was paying attention to what they were seeing and hearing, and I felt like the first times I stood on similar stages in other parts of the city, and I raised my voice without caring about anything but what I was doing.

However, it wasn't the attentions of the tourists that interested me most at that time.

He was a little apart from the others, in a spot where he had a clear view of the stage. As he did in the club, he observed each of my movements, and sipped the sang notes as if they were his favorite drink. In his eyes I noticed a glimmer that I wasn't able to see at the club because of the distance between the stage and the rows. It was not just the bright of pure artistic contemplation: with that there was something else, something that even now I find difficult to explain; it was like he was taken by some addiction, craving for more. I was sure that if I stayed and sing for an entire cycle, he would still be there to listen.

The strangest thing in all of this was finding myself willing to see it.

With the progress of the music, I would dedicate more and more efforts to keep his eyes glued on me, his concentration on my notes. I risked a smile when with his gaze, he made it clear that he was aware of what I was trying to do. Somewhere in my mind, a little voice was pointing out how unusual it seemed that I was having so much fun for catching the attentions of that man, for I haven't talk to him more than two times and didn't knew much about him apart of his name and his function.

Being at that open space surely was helping me; being there was not like being in the club. In that place, the lights and the looks of people who watching me would pierce my skin; their whispering and their judgment would dissect me, examining me as a wild species. In the street, it was I that would lead them; the pieces were all mine, and no one would make any move without my consent. There, I could fix my eyes on anything and anyone I choose and reach them with just the strength of my voice.

In the club, it was like having those eyes on me could kill me. In the street, I seemed to need them to survive.

Finally, the song ended.

I put the microphone back on the stand, left the stage through the same stairs, exchanged a few polite words with the Bothan and walked away, seeking the General's company. He gave my flowers back; as I settled them in my hands, I felt suddenly shy. Now that I was no longer away from him, protected by a wooden level that would keep me right above the ground, it was impossible not to hear the same little voice screaming inside my head: what the hell I was thinking?

All I knew is that the closer I came to him, the less I cared about thinking. I also knew that if I spent more time by his side, things would not follow a different direction.