#statement begins! memes

[lijzeil]

My old TMA sketches

1. Admiral helps Jon work

2. Post canon, Jon reads the statement about pickleRick, listen here, it's hilarious!

[clown-owo]

I love inventing terrible in universe fandom drama.

Gavintwt fell into a couple months of terrible discourse about Klavier’s sexuality. people argue about whether he's gay or just queerbaiting and then people argue about how this is invasive actually and real people can't queerbait and Klavier is just openly queer the whole time with a song literally titled "my boyfriend is the prosecution's witness". blissfully unaware.

There's a trend of Gavinner stans committing crimes or messing with crime scenes just to be prosecuted/called as a witness by Klavier. he has to put out a formal statement imploring his fans to pursue other methods of getting his attention:

just. please. stop. please.

A few years after the disbarment someone digs up an old viral post that's like

📖 tilthat February 15, 2018 TIL that during a case in 2016, a defense attorney cross-examined a parrot during the final day of court. The defense won the case. 🐢 tortise-law February 15, 2018 Sit your ass the hell down this motherfucker's name is fucking Phoenix Wright and you don't understand how fucking batshit that case is. He was defending prosecutor Miles Edgeworth, who he had previously DESTROYED THE PERFECT RECORD OF. And it STARTS with Wright proving a witness didn't actually see the murder because they were searching for the goddamned Loch Ness Monster. And not only that, the case ends with him ACCUSING THE OTHER PROSECUTOR, MANFRED VON KARMA, OF ORCHESTRATING THE WHOLE MURDER AND KILLING EDGEWORTH'S FATHER. AND HE WAS RIGHT???? LIKE???? 🎩 gay-ramarye February 16, 2018 holy shit reading this guy's wiki page is a fucking trip. not only does he have a perfect win record, that defendant immediately followed this up with FAKING HIS OWN DEATH??? spacejamminninja-deactivated2018 February 16, 2018 How is this not a tv show already. What the hell do you mean he faked his death 🪶 is-the-hawk-video-cute February 17, 2018 tbh if my defense attorney cross examined a parrot and accused the opposing counsel i'd fake my death too 🌸 pinkprincess February 18, 2018 japanifornia cases are just Like That i have never heard of a normal one.

and gavinblr suddenly realizes that that was the dude Klavier got DISBARRED a couple years ago. viral sensation parrot cross-examiner Phoenix Wright. the fandom goes crazy for a few days but then Klavier does a new photoshoot and they all move on.

A post joking about shipping Klavier’s brother with the guy Klavier got disbarred becomes a huge meme in gavinblr and a subsection begins writing ironic Krisnix RPF that progressively becomes genuine and then turnabout trump happens and the fandom explodes again. Half the Krisnix shippers jump ship to Klapollo because they felt weird about shipping a murderer (and did you SEE the Kitaki case? Klavier was sooo flirting with the defense <3). The other half doubled down and reveled in the angst potential. Part of the Klapollo shippers started truthing. They study court transcripts to prove that Klavier and Apollo are in love if not already dating. Unfortunately they’re right.

[campyvillain]

Recently I learned that Squimpus, the creator of the FNAF VHS series on Youtube, is a groomer. I say “is” because this is not an accusation. The reason I learned this to begin with is because they outright confirmed it in a group chat I was in. They used to be my best friend, and they kept all of this hidden from their other immediate friends for years. They befriended me as a minor, fully aware of their history of being inappropriate towards minors, and though they did not make any advances on me, I feel disgusted having ever known them all the same. At that time, there was no way I, or anyone else, could ever have known of the evil they were committing. As someone who knew them for a long time, I can confirm all of this is real. I will never be associated with them ever again, I will not allow them to linger in my life any longer. I mean it when I say they deserve to lose everything. Spread this post like wildfire. The public needs to know about this.

Here’s a link to my extended statement about this. Here’s a link to the proof in the form of a video, presenting all of the incriminating information against them as corroborated by immediate friends of theirs and the anonymous victim. Again, this is all real. We’ve been gathering info on this for multiple days now. If there’d be anyone to know if this was real or not, it’d be me.

Do not make any attempt to contact anyone involved in this situation, including me. Do not try to find out who the victim is, they have been kept anonymous for their own safety and privacy. Do not sensationalize this as some sort of drama or make it into a joke or a meme. We know they were an influential figure online so this is going to draw a lot of attention and there’s no way we can control the way people respond to this, but we all just want this to be over so we can move on with our lives. Give everyone affected by this the space and patience they need in a time like this. This is a god damn nightmare.

Thank you for your support.

[inevoblivia]

Tag Dump Part I

[yvesdot]

80+ PROTESTERS VIOLENTLY ARRESTED AT UCSC

PROTESTERS ARE ASKING ALUMNI TO PARTICIPATE IN AN EMAIL ZAP: bit.ly/zap-ucsc

& FOR EVERYONE TO DONATE TO THEIR BAIL FUND: (Venmo) pizza_party_1312

[ID: UCSC students waving Palestinian flags and holding protest signs at the base of campus. /ID]

Longer write-up based on personal knowledge, news articles, and multiple direct sources below.

****

For roughly a month, UCSC administrators, including chancellor Cynthia Larive, have been essentially politely asking protesters at the pro-Palestine encampment to "voluntarily disband." I was told personally by members of the encampment that among the demands they were given by the administration, two were 1) to guarantee Larive's safety, in part by not allowing any calls for violence against her, and 2) not to use images of her to make memes. "They specifically said memes," said the protester I spoke to. Additionally, protesters were told the use of the word "genocide" in a public statement by UCSC admin was "off the table."

The consensus among organizers appeared to be that Larive was vainly hoping to "wait [them] out," knowing she was in a no-win scenario: call the police and risk looking evil, or let the encampment stay and risk looking toothless. (It was clear which side she leaned towards.) Additionally, @kiegotakami mentioned hearing from a source at the department that "none of the local cops want the public scrutiny nor do they care abt the encampment so they’ve been avoiding it."

Protesters escalated by first blocking the entrance/s to campus temporarily, then moving their encampment down to the base of campus, beginning an academic worker strike on Monday 5/20, and finally, as of Tuesday 5/28, blockading both campus entrances indefinitely. Classes moved online. There was a dispute as to whether an ambulance was blocked from entering campus to help a child who was choking; protesters maintain that it was police, not them, who formed an obstacle. Larive later claimed again that it was the protesters.

(Larive also characterized SJP's demand that UCSC cut ties with specifically pro-Israel groups as "demand[ing] that we end relationships with organizations that support our Jewish students and funders that support important student success work and happen to be Jewish organizations." (emphasis mine) SJP did not call for the disbanding of all Jewish groups, not even all Zionist ones. They singled out the ones which list furthering Zionism in their mission statements. The conflation of holding a specific political opinion with being Jewish generally is an unacceptably racist one that echoes the "dual loyalty" myth.)

After protesters refused to disband their encampment at the base of campus, 100+ police officers from Eureka, San Francisco, Watsonville, Berkeley, San Mateo, San Jose, Santa Clara, and Riverside, as well as the California Highway Patrol, slowly dismantled the blockade, bulldozed the encampment, and arrested anywhere from 80-100+ people. (Numerous student/protester/organizer sources list more than 100 arrested, as well as greater numbers of police.) The bulk of the conflict occurred between 12 and 9 AM on Friday 5/31 morning, marking the 31st day and a full month of the protest.

Students present at the demonstration say the police were outfitted in riot gear and focused their abuse immediately and especially on women of color at the encampment. Students were "stabbed... in the stomach" with batons, hard enough that some vomited. One was covered in a spit hood for saying the cops' "glasses looked stupid," and thrown to the ground hard enough to give him a concussion.

From an anonymous source:

We were thrown to the ground and dragged along the concrete. Our faces were clawed at, masks were ripped from our faces, helmets were torn from our heads so the straps dug into our throats, and our eyes were gouged out. Several of the women had their clothes ripped off, one particular trans comrade who was pleading for the cops to have any form of humanity, had “trick” screamed at her before her skirt was ripped off and she was thrown to the ground. All the while, they laughed. Snickering as people were beaten unconscious. After each one of us was detained, the police took selfies with us, grinning over their trophy. We were shoved into buses and vans where they blared music that rattled the cages we were thrown into until we couldn’t think. This went on for hours. In one of the buses, people were told to go to the bathroom on the bottom staircase. We were organized by sex (not gender) and the cops called non-binary people “x-rays” for the x identification on their license. First, it was the county jail, then a university parking lot, then a university building. The cops, with their hands on their pistols, shouted for us all to sit down. We all sat with our wrists tied behind our backs, the marks of which I still have on my arms a day later. The cops proceeded to play the “good guy” act as though all of us weren’t covered in bruises inflicted by them just hours earlier. Our restraints were cut, and they slowly called us by name. After several hours, my name was called. I was banned from school for the rest of the year, given a court date, and sent out like none of that had just happened.

Despite the brutality, protesters were back at the base of campus by the end of the day on Friday. Morale appears largely unshaken, and (despite bots brigading r/UCSC) student support across online and in-person spaces is at a high.

Some students were asked by KSBW about their arrests. “The people in Palestine are going through far worse than a citation," said Aydan Beavers. "So yeah, I believe it was worth it."

****

Once again, students are asking alumni to support them in an email zap at bit.ly/zap-ucsc, and for everyone to please donate to their bail fund, Venmo @/pizza_party_1312.

Sources: [Sentinel] [KSBW] [SJP Instagram] as well as multiple anonymous private sources.

[centrally-unplanned]

If you find yourself asking "what even is the Biden campaign strategy", think back and realize you have watched zero of the dozens of ads he has released, listened to zero of his speeches, read zero of his statements from the White House, and so on. 100% of the information you get about Biden is from at best viral clips or w/e, and otherwise its other people, who do not work for his campaign, doing commentary, analysis, and probably memes and dunks. How would a candidate even begin to campaign to you? You don't want them to, you don't care.

Which is correct by the way, for you its all pointless. You actually should just look at his policy platform and make a decision in a day on whether or not it matches you enough. Or more importantly skip that step and vote for Biden no thoughts head empty because his opponent is Donald Trump this is not a debatable proposition why waste any time on it.

But hopefully that makes you realize A: how difficult campaigning is at all now, and B: how different a life the kind of people who *are* undecided about this are from you such that campaigning on them can actually reach them.

(And a bit of C: how inadequate the current political system is vis a vis the idea of consensus formation & civic engagement, but for another time)

[terrible-my-hero-academia-aus]

An AU Where...

A recently graduated Midoriya took All Mights' advice and became a police officer working under Detective Tsukauchi. He's massively successful to the point that his co-workers joke he's their station's personal on-call hero.

A reporter misunderstands a statement made by one of his colleagues after his capture of Stain and writes an article about this up and coming hero! Who might just make it to the top 30!

Izuku wants to hide in a box

His station loses their shit. Especially when they jokingly submit his arrest records to the paper, only for another article to be released, arguing that with his statistics, Endeavor should be a rank lower.

Endeavor loses his shit

A page is started to compare Midoriya's ongoing statistics to those of the current ranking pro heros.

Aizawa wonders how he managed to dodge getting this problem child in his class. Little does he know it's because The Principal got there first.

A recently graduated Shoto loses his shit as social media begins to make meme after meme of his father, as the gap between Endeavor's records and this unknown police officer's get smaller and smaller.

AKA the AU where Detective Tsukauchi is a proud father to a baby officer with anxiety issues who can and will fuck you up. Midoriya has the power of Nezu and 4am quirk analysis on his side.

Personal headcanons for this AU:

Tsukauchi is quirkless, he's just that good at reading body language that people assume he has a quirk.

All Might suggested being an officer not because he thought Midoriya couldn't be a hero, but because he knew just how damn successful Tsukauchi is as one.

All Might is the cool uncle who brings the station snacks after his patrol.

Midoriya works with Nezu and Hatsume to make AFO his very own ✨Quirk erasing bullet✨ All Might is gonna retire in peace if it's the last thing he does.

Bakugo went through his redemption arc during his time at UA and doesn't know whether to laugh or cry as his childhood friend inches closer to the 2nd spot on the hero ranks. He ends up laughing because screw Endeavor.

[shizucheese]

Okay okay okay, I need everyone to listen to me about this.

I know I kinda talked about this before in a reblog to someone else's post, but the idea has been rotating in my brain ever since and I feel like it needs to be further explored. A lot of people have been talking about the differences between TMA and TMP, and memeing about how people can actually quit the OIAR (which btw, I'll believe when I actually see it, by which I mean if we're able to get through the entire series without Teddy either coming back or turning up dead or otherwise facing "You can quit but you can never leave" levels of repercussions) but like nobody, from what I've seen, has been talking about what imo is the pretty glaringly obvious element at play here. So let's talk about the spider in the room, shall we? What do we know about the Magnus Institute in TMA?

People came there to give statements regarding their spooky experiences, including people who had doubts about doing so (because they weren't sure if the Institute was reputable, because they weren't sure if they believed what they had experienced, because they served a different entity so what reason would they have to do something for The Eye, etc).

The head archivist would ultimately become the Archivist, an Avatar of the Eye.

The Archivist's abilities included enabling statement givers to give their statements without going off track or leaving out details (we even see what happens when it's not the Archivist taking the statement), and being able to compel people to tell them things against their will, from statements to their darkest secrets.

You couldn't quit, at least not without gouging your eyes out.

The Magnus Institute was a part of the Eye.

Or was it? Because the other thing we know about the Magnus Institute is that the Web was using it as part of its plan to break free from the TMA world and gain access to the other worlds out there. How much of the compulsion aspects of the Institute-- people being drawn to the Institute to give statements, the Archivist's ability to draw statements and secrets out of people, people's inability to quit the Institute--was actually because of the Web? Where does the Eye's "compulsion to seek out knowledge even if it could be bad/ harmful" end and the Web's "not being in control of your own actions" begin? Was the Archivist--at least in the form Gertrude and John took--really purely an Avatar of the Eye? Or were they an Avatar of a mix between The Eye and the Web, much like how Martin, if he were to ever become a full fledged Avatar, likely would have been a mix of the Eye and the Lonely, just like his domain in S5 was? After all, Jonah was an Eye Avatar, was he not? And as far as we saw, he never needed to compel information out of people. He just Knew it (and used it to torment people).

One of the themes I've been playing around with in my TMA fanfictions since I first finished the podcast for the first time last winter is how the course of history would be different in the alternate worlds, where the Web wasn't interfering--at least not on the same scale, or for the same reasons--since it had already gotten what it wanted at the end of TMA. And I think that's exactly what we're seeing a version of in Protocol. I think the OIAR is what it looks like when it's entirely the Eye at play, with 0 interference from the Web. The Eye is all about having your secrets exposed, being watched, being followed. The tape recorders--something that would need to be turned off and on (controlled) in order to record something--were a tool of the Web. Now we're "witnessing" the events of the podcast through the audio from security cameras and other things that are constantly running; constantly seeing and listening without needing to be turned on and off. The statements aren't being given by people who somehow found their way to the institute and were on some level or another compelled to tell their tales. They're journal entries detailing a person's private thoughts. They're letters meant only for the eyes of the recipient, sharing secrets not meant for anyone else. They're recorded therapy sessions.

And the statements that are related to the Eye? The ones read in John's voice? They're forum and blog posts, which not only makes them the only ones whose sources didn't have the same expectation of privacy as the others, also ties them to the Web, since computers and websites were previously established as being associated with it.

[777bae]

ROOKIE OF THE YEAR AWARD

PAIRING… f1!drivers x fem!driver | WC… 2.1k | Masterlist

Interview/comment clips… George, Alex, Lando, Y/n

“As you know I love a powerpoint presentation so today I’ve created a powerpoint to show you why I am rookie of the year.” George begins, waving his hand about enthusiastically as you sit in between Alex and Lando.

“I wouldn’t say I’ve got it in the bag, I mean…”

“So I thought I’d start with a photo of me probably overtaking Lando here.” He introduces.

“I’m pretty sure I’m lapping you there.” Lando exclaims as you and Alex try to stifle your laughter.

“Not sure, anyways. Fact one, most consistent qualifying position. Oh Alex, look at that. What’s that all about?” George cuts off the discussion before presenting a graph, not forgetting to take a dig at Alex’s downfall. You laugh as Alex and Lando begin to try to point out his errors and how he’s only been consistently last.

“As we know, in Formula 1, consistency is key.” He finishes, pointing a finger at you as you notice how much your data fluctuates.

“Fact two, Least amount of points behind teammate.” Russell presents his second graph, your result not being quite as bad as Lando’s as his goes into the 50s. “George Russell, one point, Lando Norris, 58 points behind his teammate.”

You laugh along with Alex as Lando only sits there, unable to come up with an answer.

“…”

“Fact three, most positions gained on opening laps.” He shows yet another graph whilst you immediately notice how low Lando and Alex are. “George Russell, two, Y/n Y/l/n, zero, Lando Norris has lost four and Alex Albon lost ten. What’s that all about mate?”

“Yeah but you started at the back.” You point out.

“You can’t lose positions when you start last.” Alex continued your point as you look at the producers of the video for help.

“Fact!” George exclaims whilst Alex still tries to reason his case. “I’ve qualified P19 before, I’ve had someone behind me.”

The video would quickly cut to your ‘interview’, your disappointed face being the only thing shown as you were unsurprised with George’s lack of evidence.

His statement causes you to immediately start laughing before Lando soon joins in, Alex still trying to prove his point in the back.

“Fact four, as we know Formula 1 is a lot about the cars.” The driver continues once you had all settled down. “2018 Formula 2 championship, fourth, Y/n Y/l/n, third, Alex Albon, second, Lando Norris, first George Russell, oh.”

Photos of the podium and George’s celebration began to flash on the screen before an enlarged ‘FACT’ appeared, an obama meme quickly following.

“I was surprised that Williams gave him the confidence to show that. If that’s what his presentations are then, uh, I expected more.”

“The were real, they were real facts.” George points out as he walks over to you all, his hands placed on his hips.

“Yeah, I feel like you were taking advantage…” Lando begins.

“Of your bad qualifying.” You finish, a large smile on your face as you try to suppress your laugh.

“So, you were consistently at the back.” Alex continues.

“Consistency is key.” George tries to reason.

“I think throughout the season you could have lost…” Lando pauses trying to find the right words.

“One position.” You laugh, sticking your finger in the air as George scowls at you jokingly.

“I think it’s a good presentation but not a convincing argument.” Alex finishes off your comments, before getting up ready to present his evidence.

“Okay so I don’t actually have a presentation, so you’re gonna like this, but, uh, I haven’t been very well organised.” He begins, trying to find his piece of paper beneath all the rubbish. “So how do I do this?”

“Uh, tick tock, the times ticking.” George comments as you chuckle at his statement.

“I was uh, a little concerned for him when he told me he was doing a rap.”

“I’m nervous about this.” Alex mumbles, an awkward smile on his face.

“I’m nervous for you.” You speak, he had previously told you that he was going to do a rap and you told him how great of an idea it was, obviously without including how amusing you found it.

“For me?” Albon questions.

“Yes because after yesterday’s performance in that sky sports interview, that was shameful.” You reply, a smug smile on your face.

“That was great!” He tries to reason.

“That was absolutely shameful.” Russell comments.

“That’s some great banter.” Alex says before turning to face the screen.

“Haha, he’s chatting shit like always.”

“This has got all the characteristics of embarrassment.” George remarks.

“For who?” Alex questions.

“You!”

“For me? Not for me!” He argues as you and Lando just sat there, waiting for the charade to end. “Okay, anyways ready?”

“There once was this kid called Lando,

Who thought he could fill the shoes of Fernando,

He managed to bin a hotlap,

Sat your head in your hands,

But Johnny dug him out of the gravel trap,

Where are your one million Instagram fans?,

We came from F2, but we didn't have a clue,

But when you're off the pace and leave too much space,

Like how you did that in that Suzuka race,

Just know that I'll spank you in every race.

How about I introduce you to the only girl on the grid,

She’s joined the top when she’s only a kid,

Missed a lot of chances at coming first,

Caused her to have quite an angry burst,

“I don’t think so.”

Being behind me all the time must be a struggle

The stress of it all must be hard to juggle,

Qualifying for her never seemed to be so hard,

Maybe it’s because I’ve upped my guard.

Now onto our boy Russell,

Who likes to flex the muscle,”

“George’s topless instagram stuff that he likes to do, and I always give him rubbish about it”

“The only driver yet to score

What are you even doing this for?”

“It’s true.”

“Just kidding, I know you can take the flack

By the way, Lewis called: he wants his yellow hoodie back!

Last but not least, let's talk about me

Alex Albon, number 23

Try and stop me getting past?

That's fine, I'll get through on the grass!

I'm going through front wings like no tomorrow

I'm the asian Tom Cruise, so give me a follow

Last race, I came close to champagne

Which thanks to Lewis, never came

But now I'm here to state my claim

If I'm not top rookie, you must be insane!”

You all giggle throughout, immediately clapping once it finished.

“He pulled it off so…”

“Pretty good performance, needed a bit more flow… just like his racing.”

“If only he could do such a good performance on track.”

“That was great.” George assured.

“You could get a career in rapping after that.” You joke, still trying to remain serious.

“You can take this home, uh, just to have it.” Alex hands you each a piece of paper with the rap on, trying to suppress his laughter.

“I’ll hang this on my wall.” You say before Lando got up and got his presentation ready.

“I haven’t got a lot to say, cause the video speaks for itself.” Lando announces before clicking the play button.

The screen quickly presents ‘Reason 1 2 3 4: overtakes’ before showing a video from the race.

It shows Lando overtaking a Renault before having an explosion effect go off on the side, causing you all to laugh.

“That came in a bit early but okay.” George comments before the video moves onto the next scene.

“Okay this one was good.” Alex announces before you point out how Lando was overtaking Alex himself.

The video has another explosion go off before playing the ‘you’re going too fast!’ meme as George quickly mimics it.

‘Reason 5: Respectful’ Quickly presents itself on the screen before showing an interview between Daniel and Lando.

It then shows a montage of clips, the last few being slowed down radio communication causing you to laugh again.

‘Reason 6: Fashion icon’

“I disagree.” You put your hand into the air quickly before letting the video continue, only to be shushed by the presenter himself.

“Respectful… yeah”

The screen finally rolls the credits where it just all goes to Lando.

“Lando, poor effort, really.”

“You know, I expected more from him.”

You just end up shaking your head, a disappointed look on your face.

“Well you’re not getting a round of applause from me.” Alex comments as Lando just stairs, unsure on what to say before looking into the camera.

“I don’t think it was my best performance. I think, uh, I’ve done better things this year driving on track.”

“Alright my turn.” You announce, stepping up from your seat and setting up your video.

“Uh, so, my video contains less facts and just more about why I am the better person in general.” You comment, earning a few ‘offended’ faces before clicking the play button.

The video immediately cuts to a clip of you trying to do a three-legged race with Charles but it just ends up in the two of you falling over. The next clip shows you singing into your radio during the formation lap as your engineer tries to tell you to stop but just gets ignored.

“Haha, she’s gibbering.”

These first clips earned a few chuckles from the guys before it continued.

The next clip shows you going into a hug with Sebastian when your helmets suddenly knock onto each other causing you to nearly fall over. The video finally ended with a few photos of you trying to do yoga poses with multiple drivers before showing a video of you falling straight onto Lando after a failed attempt.

“Pretty good, pretty good.” George comments as you bow.

“Okay verdict.” Alex begins as you quickly sat down in a chair to join the discussions.

“I think yours was pretty good.” You say to Alex as George quickly nods.

“I think I had the legs on them.”

“I think Lando’s was worse.” George suggests as you and Alex quickly nodded.

“Lando’s gotta choose.” You announce as the boy quickly looks at you surprised.

“I’m like the deciding vote.” He reluctantly agrees..

“Well, you’re not the deciding vote.” George tries to reason.

“I know I’m last.”

“I mean, I’d still put me first.”

“Can I say why I think I won?” Alex asks before continuing. “George’s presentation was just facts, you know, facts facts. P19.”

“Yeah.” Lando mumbles.

“I’m actually surprised you only went up two positions.” Alex comments.

“He only went up two? In the whole season?” You questioned, shocked at his lack of improvement.

“Don’t give me that.” Russell shakes his head.

“And with Y/n, there were no facts.” He finishes as Lando nods his head.

“It’s up to you Lando.” You say as he chuckles.

“If it’s based on performance I think Alex has got it, if it’s based on the track, I think we got it-.” “Performance on track.”

“I don’t think I got the hand on them.”

“I’m going to have to go with… Alex.” Lando finally announces after a moment of silence.

“I almost agree, I almost agree, I’m gracious in defeat. He’s gotta have one to show no defeat.” George comments as you pat Alex’s back.

“I’ll take the flack, I’m used to it.”

“And you guys have a trophy as well.” Alex points out as Lando reaches back to grab onto said object, trying to connect the trophy back onto its podium.

“It’s my trophy, my only trophy- ahh.” Albon screams as he nearly drops it, causing you to laugh a little.

“He pulled it off, he pulled it off so…”

“Yeah, like Lando said he needs to transfer that onto the track and he’ll, uh, be in good shape for himself.”

“I think it’s gonna leak.” Alex points out as he pours redbull into the trophy.”

“Oh, it’s leaking real bad.” You point out as Albon quickly drinks out of it.

“Thank you very much, and uh, it’s detachable as well, so uh, I can put it in my suitcase.”

Bloopers/funny bits:

“I can see why Williams chose you after that presentation.” Alex jokes after George finishes, earning a laugh from all of you.

-

“Lando could fit the whole post-it note on his forehead, it’s that big.” George laughs as you all sit there laughing with notes stuck onto all your faces.

-

“Where’s my mouse?” Lando questions, his hands spreading everywhere trying to find said object.

“It’s there.” Alex points as Lando quickly finds it.

-

“Can we, uh, dim the lights.” You ask the producer as they quickly follow.

“No, cause they can’t see our faces you mug.” Alex responds before quickly laughing, causing you to roll your eyes.

taglist :: @topguncultleader @aurora-maria @oooglaabooglaa @teti-menchon0604 @g4ns3y @jivas0 @missskid @anicega @envisionracing @treehouse-mouse @navixfr @gulabjamoon @revemixer @thatsadsmallchild @ideajpeg

If you would like to be on the taglist please this out this form !

[olderthannetfic]

I thought the "be gay, do crime" memes were a joke about the criminalization of queer identities, but apparently they're not?

Some fujo discource crossed my dash and I thought it was weird that a website full of people who joyously reclaim the concept of their identities being criminal would freak out at the idea of people self labeling as "rotten women".

Which was a weird way to find out that the "crime" in the memes is supposed to be shoplifting and vandalism and other teenage "acting out" behavior, and it was never a radical queer statement to begin with.

--

It would also be nice if people grasped that 腐 shows up not just in 腐る but in 豆腐, and 腐女子 sounds the same as 婦女子.

It's not rotten like morally depraved. It's literal mold or fermentation or fucking tofu. And a pun on 'respectable woman'.

The reason it got reclaimed is probably because it's fucking funny.

--

The original Be Gay, Do Crime graffiti may have meant something radical. Social media immediately turned it into turnstile jumping and shoplifting.

[orderforbrian]

ouuugghhh this comic is OLD but it's still one of my favorites 💖 i made rough blocks when the liveshow came out because jon and martin's meet cute/ugly is SO in character and so wonderfully funny

[Start ID: A two page comic of Jon and Elias from the Magnus Archives with Martin as a side character. Jon is a Persian man with short, dark curly hair and rectangular glasses. There are streaks of grey in his hair and eyebrows. He is wearing a green jacket with a grey sweatervest, white dress shirt, and green tie. Elias is a tan white man with slicked back brown hair, there are streaks of grey in his hair. He is wearing an expensive looking blue suit jacket, vest, dress shirt, and tie. He is also wearing long gold earrings in the shape of a closed eye. Martin is a mixed Polish/Korean man with dark wavy hair and glasses, and a beauty mark on his left chin.

1st panel: Jon slams open the door to Elias' office, looking the picture of rage. He is gripping a piece of paper angrily in one hand. A thought bubble shows a meme image of Spongebob choking Mr. Krabs from the series Spongebob. Elias appears unfazed by the interruption and greets Jon, "Oh! Hello, Archivist. I was wondering when you would finally catch me at my desk, haha."

2nd panel: Off panel, Elias asks "How was your first day?". Jon pushes up his glasses, gripping the paper even tighter and responds, "Undoubtedly horrendous".

3rd panel: Elias gives him an apologetic smile with his hands folded in front of his chest. He says, "Oh dear, that dreadful? Apologies you had to endure such unanticipated distress. What exactly happened to cause this reaction?". There is an arrow pointing to Elias that says "As if he didn't spend relish in every chaotic second".

4th panel: Jon begins to list things off, pointing to each finger as he does. Elias responds intermittently to these.

"Well, to start, the Archives is an ungodly mess. It's going to take ages before it gets sorted out. Why you didn't fire Gertrude is beyond me."

"Mm."

"None of the statements are compatible with modern technology so we've had to resort to using archaic tape recorders."

"Oh."

"And-"

"Oh, there's more."

5th panel: Jon tightens his fists in rage, gradually yelling, "I spent a large portion of my already stressful workday chasing after a bloody dog that your library transfer let loose into the Archives!"

6th: Jon begins to rant, shaking one hand back and forth in frustration. "Why is he there? What qualifications does he have? And absolutely what right? He's from Library, why do we need Library in the Archive staff, much more why him specifically? I requested Tim and Sasha who are far more competent than that - that bumbling idiot! Mr. Bouchard, I'd hate to overstep my boundaries but I really must say this was an unwise decision-". Elias cuts him off, a dialogue bubble with a simplified person smiling. "Oh dear - Archivist..."

Next page

1st panel: Elias gives Jon another apologetic smile. "I sent someone from Library because the Archives desperately needs someone skilled in cataloging. And, evidently, he has a Masters in parapsychology so give him time to prove himself a necessary addition to your assistant team."

2nd panel: Jon appears disgruntled and crosses his arms, grumbling, "Mmn. Well, he has quite a lot to prove after today...Apologies for doubting your decision, but if he continues to hinder our progress I will make my objections very clear." Elias says off panel, "I believe that's a fair compromise. Well, apologies again. As always, I'm open to feedback."

3rd panel: Elias continues off panel. "I'm a bit surprised though...". Jon looks up with wide eyes, a bead of sweat on his face. "Huh?". Elias continues, "You didn't find him the least bit charming? I thought he was rather amused the day of his interview, haha."

4th panel: Jon pushes up his glasses, attempting to hide a blush, and says, "A-as of my current opinion, no. I did not find his ineptitude charming if you'd kindly, Mr. Bouchard."

5th panel: Elias says off panel with a simplified smiling face, "Well, I do hope you all get along soon enough...". Jon presses the paper in his hand to his chin, looking off to the side. He appears disgruntled and is blushing too. Thought bubbles of Martin surround him. One is Martin appearing flustered, his eyes appearing as swirls within his glasses. Another is Martin hovering over Jon, asking if he is okay. Another is Martin looking up with a hand to his chin, stating "I mean...yeah, probably!". The last is Martin holding his glasses and giving a flustered smile, saying "Haha, s-sorry!". Jon thinks to himself, "Hrmm...He might be cute, but he's a complete airhead! Ugh. Hopefully today was just a singular incident."

End ID.]

[bigmilkagenda]

Of the many, many plates of pancakes* that were offered to the listener in magp 1-07, this one may be my favourite

[ID: A screenshot of an unofficial transcript to The Magnus Protocol. CELIA is saying "Yeah. I mean, it's an old system, but it could have been worse. It's not like we're wrestling with tape recorders and manila folders." /end ID]

When we meet TMA-Celia for the second time, she's lost her name. She was Lynne Hammond, and now she's not. She doesn't seem to remember Martin, either, but it's not clear how much of herself and her life from before the change she does remember. She's freaked out by the tape recorders that start showing up, and there's no indication that she associates them with the Institute specifically.

If Celia Ripley is, as we are clearly intended to believe or consider, the same Celia as in TMA, why is she making knowing comments about manila folders and tape recorders? Tape recorders in particular are hardly standard equipment at what seems to be mostly a text data-entry and cataloguing job. She could have said typewriters, or carbon paper. Fax machines, if we're dunking on Freddy specifically.

She says "tape recorders and manila folders." Celia Ripley is referencing The Magnus Institute, particularly the outdated technologies in use in the Archives.

Maybe she learned more from Melanie about what the recorders were and did at the Institute, sometime after MAG 190. Maybe she has those specific memories of giving her statement in MAG 100, and little else. Maybe Martin grew an apocalypse beard and she remembers everything, but just didn't recognise him out of context and in a tunnel and during A Pretty Weird Time Overall.

Maybe she stuck around with Melanie-Georgie-Basira for a while after things returned, and that's how she learned about the particular significance of tape recorders.

Maybe she found some tapes and listened to a couple hundred of them.

Or maybe she's simply an AU Celia, with a knack for oddly specific and kind of clunky comparisons, drawn into this through the powers of metafiction and string theory.

Or maybe someone filled her with spiders and sent her to finish the job of spreading Fear to this particular world.

And the reason this particular plate of textual pancakes** (short stack, butter and nightmare syrup) is one of my favourites from "Give and Take" is because I genuinely have no idea! None of these are theories because there isn't enough evidence to point me in any particular direction. It's a mystery!, Jon voice, etcetera.

If you cornered me and paid me to have an opinion about it I could say which options I thought were more likely, I guess. But the odds are high that I'd be wrong, and I think the boat for me getting paid to interpret texts probably sailed fifteen years ago, besides. I'm in this for the love of the game.***

November is the true spooky season in the northern hemisphere.**** Yeah, October ends with Halloween, but you know what month starts with Halloween? Mmhmm. By November of 2019 TMA had been on my list for a few years, and someone I was getting to know and really liked recommended it to me specifically in the days after 159 aired. The conditions were correct for me to get into something new, is what I'm saying. I still remember listening to "Anglerfish" for the first time, walking home from my office job in the blustery November dark. I got home starry-eyed and red-cheeked and thrilled by the story I'd just heard.

It took a couple of months for me to catch up, and though I loved having so much to listen to there were times when I wished I'd started earlier, to have the experience of seeing things unfold.

And now we're back at a beginning, and get to experience the horrible joys of finding out.

[ID: A screenshot of an unofficial transcript to The Magnus Protocol. LENA is saying "Of a sort. I hope you're as ready for it as you think you are. Consider yourself "in." /end ID]

*Sabrina pancake meme

** the best kind, especially if it's a contest between textual and fluffy pancakes. Keep those spongy bastards away from me, I'll take the kind with a typeface instead

***Being a huge nerd

**** For more of my opinions on November, see https://www.tumblr.com/almostmolly/188799234276

[scholastic-dragon]

Flufftober Day 17: Up Against the Wall Kiss

Leonardo x Gn!reader

Word count: 1.1k

Warnings: turtle smootches (my favorite), established relationship, nervous and flustered Leo, idiots in love, spelling mistakes, 

Summary: Leo's too shy to initiate your first kiss; you're not.

Leo was a gentleman.

Sometimes a little too much so.

He was ever so sweet and thoughtful. Always pulling out your chair, offering you a hand when climbing down the manhole ladder.

It's what drew you to him. He had a heart of gold hidden behind his strong chest and he'd given you the honor of calling it yours.

Two and a half months into your relationship and you hadn't stopped smiling. You were sure he hasn't either.

That wasn't to say it was without fault. It took a bit of work in the beginning, he sat you down and sheepishly explained how nervous he was and that he wanted to take things slow. You agreed and allowed him the time to open up about his boundaries. 

After that, things only got better and better. He texted you whenever he could, sometimes thoughtful messages, others funny pictures and memes and sometimes simply 'I miss you'

You couldn't complain. You shouldn't complain. And yet....he's yet to kiss you. You can tell he wants to.

Getting ready to leave your apartment after dinner and a movie, perched on the windowsill, eyes flickering between your eyes and your lips.

Then he bids you goodnight and ducks out of the window.

You’d be lying if you said it didn’t bother you. It was clear he wanted to kiss you: so why hadn’t he?

Deciding it was time for a change, you invite him over for another dinner and movie. He accepts without question. 

You feel nervous throughout the whole evening, it wasn’t a big deal, was it? 

“Are you alright, love?” Leo asks, gently putting his hand over yours. His palm alone engulfs your whole hand, he’s warm and comforting and pulls you out of your thoughts. 

You shake your head, forcing a smile. “Yeah, yeah, I’m okay, just got some stuff on my mind,” You take a sip of your drink, hoping your face wasn’t as red as you felt. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” He squeezes your hand, smiling warmly: why was he so handsome?

“We probably should,” You scoff, exhaling sharply. He raises an eyebrow, rolling his shoulders back. “It’s nothing bad,” You’re quick to amend, not wanting him to assume the worst. 

“What is it? You can tell me,” 

“I know I can, I just, well, I’m not sure how to go about it,” You start to ramble, feeling a blush creeping across your cheeks. “There’s something I want us to do and I know some part of you does, but if I’m going too fast or you feel uncomfortable you can just tell me and I’ll back off, but-” 

“Love,” He quietly laughs, “Deep breaths, okay? You don’t need to be nervous,” 

You take a deep breath, rolling your shoulders back and meeting his bright eyes. 

“I....I want to....to kiss you,” You were sure his heart stopped. He inhaled sharply, shoulders going back, eyes wide. He looked like he stopped breathing. “Leo?”

“I....um....uh,” He looked away, hand rubbing the back of his neck. You were sure if he could he’d be bright red. 

“If that’s too much right now we don’t have too,” You squeeze his hand. “I don’t want to pressure you into doing something you don’t want to do,”

He sighs, whispering as if he were saying something he shouldn’t. “I want to, I-I just,” He runs his free hand down his face, clearing his throat. 

“It’s okay if you’re not ready,” Reaching across the table you tilt his chin toward you. “I just wanted to let you know that whenever you’re ready to take that step, I’m here,” 

He smiles, a small sigh of relief escaping him. He takes your hand from under his chin and presses three firm kisses to your knuckles. 

“And I’m so grateful for how patient your being, and how you’re willing to take this slow.” He opens and closes his mouth a few times, unsure of how to word his statement. “I want to....to kiss you, but, I’m nervous,” 

“Nervous about what, honey?” He lowers his hand, still holding yours, to the table, not meeting your eyes. 

“You’d be my first kiss and I’m afraid I’m not going to do it right,” He mumbles, running his thumb across the back of your hand. 

You smile, taking both of your hands and cupping his. “That’s alright, Leo, we’ll learn together, okay?” 

He nods, exhaling a deep breath. Not wanting to stress him out more, you offer to snuggle on the couch with a movie. He agrees, helping you pack away the leftover food and rinse the dishes. Now you’re wrapped up in his arms watching a cheesy Christmas movie. 

“Is there a reason why we’re watching a Christmas movie in the middle of October?” He mumbles into your hair. 

You shake you head. “Makes me happy, I love Christmas,” Your back is pressed up against his chest, you feel him chuckle softly, wrapping his arms tighter around your waist. 

The movie goes by quick and now you’re back to the same spot. He’s putting on his gear and shoes, telling you the schedule for the next week and when you both can hangout. 

He opens your window and turns around, looming over you. 

“I’ll text you later?” He gives his classic boyish smile, eyes soft and he reaches for your hands. 

“Yes, you should,” You giggle, squeezing his hands, looking up into his blue eyes. 

The moment happens again, eyes flickering back and forth between your lips. He leans forward; this is it, he’s gonna do it. He leans at the last second, pressing a sweet kiss to your cheek. 

Damn it. 

He sheepishly pulls back, clearly a little embarrassed. 

“Leo?” He hums, not wanting to speak. “Do you want me to initiate the kiss?” He swallows hard, adams apple bobbing, he nods eagerly. 

Smiling you push on the hard plates of his chest, his eyes go wide but he lets you move him until his shell bumps the wall. You take his face in your hands, gently adjusting his mask. 

“Ready?” He nods again, licking his lips. 

Your thumbs running along his cheekbones, you lean up on your tiptoes, tilting your face to meet his. His lips are considerably larger than yours, but are warm and soft. He’s gentle, afraid he might mess up, but you feel his shoulders loosen. 

You pull away, trying not to giggle as he leans forward, recapturing your lips. His hands, shakily, go to your waist, pulling you closer. Gaining a small spark of confidence, he splays his palms across your back, holding you close. 

Needing air, you pull away, panting heavily you meet his eyes. He’s smiling and panting as much, if not more, than you are. 

“How was that for a first kiss?” You giggle, kissing his chin. 

“Not sure, perhaps you should give me another,” He leans in, pressing his lips to yours again. 

He was such a gentleman. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

tags: @flufftober @turtle-babe83 @thelaundrybitch @mysticboombox @strawberrycakeblog

[ghuleh-recs]

@st-danger is your favorite ghoul writer's favorite ghoul writer and it was their birthday yesterday! I've compiled a list of some of my favorite Saint fics to celebrate. Beyond being an incredible writer, Saint is such a wonderfully supportive member of the fandom here. They always leave a kind word (or sexy addition lbr) in the tags. You know that meme that's like 'I sure hope this doesn't awaken something in me?' That's how I experience most of their fics. So thank you Saint for sharing your writing with us. I don't know that the fandom needed more reasons to be horny but here we are. Go leave Saint some comments and hit up their ko-fi for some birthday appreciation!

recs under the super cute divider from @forlorn-crows

Terrors of the Night - dewdrop/dewdrop - E, 13.5k

“Hi,” he says, to himself. Dew is not by nature a timid or shy thing. He has always been a healthy mix of piss and vinegar. Acerbic wit and energy, and thoughtful tenderness in the right circumstances. A sharp tongue but a gentle touch. Fearful or nervous are not descriptors to be used, nothing he’s ever been accused of…and yet, Dew goes cold and his hand tightens around the fistful of blanket as he pulls it closer to himself. An uncharacteristic movement performed by a hand not under his control. Dewdrop smiles at him, with light eyes and lighter hair, looking exactly how he used to. Or, The past comes back to haunt.

Copia, seeing the ghouls' faces - Copia & Everyone - G, <1k

He once heard Terzo describe looking at Omega's true face as "confusing". He never asked any follow up questions to clarify that statement, but he's always wondered if confusing meant strange to look at, or strange to look at because his human brain couldn't figure out exactly what it was looking at, in an Eldritch horror kind of way. If hellspawn are naturally just beyond what mortal minds can know. "Are you sure?" Copia asks, though his hands are already reaching towards Aether's face. "You want me to see you?" "We want you to know us," Aether replies simply, and carefully, so carefully, Copia slides off Aether's mask, like the metal might turn out to be sugar and splinter and break if he isn't gentle.

Steadfast Love, Not Sacrifice - Aether/Copia/Dewdrop - E, 11k

It’s a bit like a shark smelling blood, he thinks as they follow close behind. It's natural they were going to want to taste it, too. “Well,” Copia says, “some of us need our beauty sleep.” He hesitates, and then proceeds to look nervously between the two of them and continue, “I meant me, of course. You two are already very, erm. I should go to bed.” It’s such a flimsy excuse. The elevator reaches the third floor before any of them speak again. Aether clears his throat. “You don’t want to though.” Copia looks very called out, but can’t do much more than stare, before realizing the two ghouls beside him are waiting for an actual answer of some kind. The elevator beeps as it passes the fourth floor. “No,” Copia says slowly, and Aether’s stomach does a little swoop. “I don’t.” Or, Sometimes the reward is worth the risk.

[REC] - Dewdrop/Swiss - E, 1.8k

“Have you thought about Aether watching you like this before?” “Not before you mentioned taking photos.” Swiss stands and Dew watches through narrowed eyes as he spreads Dew’s legs to stand between them, and reaches down to unclip the garter from his left leg. He strokes along the top of the lace teasingly and then begins to work it down Dew’s thigh, pushing his leg up to roll it down and off his calf, his toes. “Let me blindfold you,” he says by way of explanation. (don't miss the sequel 1080P !)

Self Control Takes The City - Terzo/Omega - E, 5.6k

Omega can be endlessly patient. He has existed, in some form, for an unfathomable length of time. Above Ground, years upon years. In the Pit- well, there’s no way to say. No way to measure. But he has been for a very, very long time. He knows good things come to those who wait. Alas, patience is a virtue. Hellspawn such as himself surely couldn’t be found to be practicing that very often. There is, of course, a workaround; practicing said virtue during unvirtuous situations. For unvirtuous reasons. As the saying goes, the devil’s in the details. Or, Omega gives until it hurts.

Hybrid Slinky - Dewdrop/Swiss - E, 2.8k

“It got deep,” Rain says, voice quiet and a little husky, and he brings Dew’s hand higher, closer to his mouth. “Let me clean you up?” Dew’s mind goes blank for a moment, before catching up to what Rain’s suggesting, and he feels a frisson of excitement zig-zag its way down his spine. “Yeah,” he grins. “Go ahead and make Papa proud.” _ Dewdrop cuts his finger, Rain and Aether kiss it better, as you do.

Worship, Bow Down - Dewdrop/Sister Imperator - E, 3.4k

“All work and no play’s turned you cruel,” Dew laments, and rises. Places his palms on the heavy desk and leans in, shower-damp hair in a curtain over his shoulders. “Could sweeten you back up. If you wanted.” Imperator takes a quick breath in. “Office hours are over,” she says. “Lock the door.” “Did that on the way in.” He has the cheek to wink. He trails his fingers over the wood as he walks around to her, loving the way her eyes follow him, up until he stands behind her, rests those elegant hands on her shoulders and gives them a little squeeze. “Feeling tingly yet?” Or, the road is fun, but coming home is, too.

Quintessence Control - Aether/Aeon/Dewdrop - E, 1.1k

"Didn't you say you wanted to show me a little something?" Aeon wiggles his fingers and Dew goes still. Against his neck, Aether places a wet, sucking kiss. "Okay?" he whispers against Dew's skin, fingertips stroking over his temple, down the side of his face. "Cool if we play?" Dew chokes out a yes, and Aether takes a slow, deep breath and bleeds magick into him, tangling himself between every neuron in his brain. (You should also read this one actually)

Stoned Edging - Aeon/Swiss - E, 1.4k

"Unholy shit," Aeon breathes, sounding delighted and fucked-out, trying to steady the rise and fall of his chest. "How many are we at now?" Swiss doesn't know. Too many times, and they're both far too high to remember the count. Their little game of how bad they can make it for each other relies on two things: one, the shared love of an exquisite, particular sort of misery, and two, how much of Mountain's greenhouse stash they can get away with pilfering. It's something the others don't have the patience for. Not the way they do, at least. They're over the top with it. Unnecessary. It's delicious.

Run Rabbit Run - Rain/Swiss - E, 17.5k

“I want you to show me just how important he is,” Swiss says and Rain doesn’t understand, dazed with the slow slide and massage of lips against his while he speaks. His brain is fogged up, useless. “Will you do that for me, sweetheart?” “How?” The hands on his face remain, though Swiss once again leans away in order to look at him properly, wearing that serene smile that says he knows more than Rain ever will. Or, The hunter strikes it rich.

𖤐 you know the drill--bookmark, read, and leave kudos/comments!

Did I forget your favorite? You've got a standing invitation from me to add your own rec and reblog ♡

[brf-rumortrackinganon]

Hi, What do you think about the cheating rumors? I stopped watching royals 4 years ago, and I am shocked! What has happened? WTF is Rose back? Is Will stupid enough to get rid of her?

What happened recently? So much happened, anon. Let's see if I can give you the TL;DR.

January 16: Kensington Palace announced that Kate was having planned surgery on her abdomen and wouldn't be making any public appearances or sharing further details.

January 29: Kensington Palace announced that Kate had returned home from the hospital. People were upset there was no "proof of life" photo of Kate.

February 9: The Waleses go to Sandringham/Anmer Hall for the kids' half-term break. There are two sets of gossip from royal reporters. Gossip #1 - Kate is well and healthy and with the family. Gossip #2 - Kate's situation is worse than we're told and it's dire.

February 27, in the morning: William pulls out of attending King Constantine's memorial service of thanksgiving. KP says it has nothing to do with Kate but it's later confirmed that it wasn't true, that William pulled out because of Kate's diagnosis.

February 27, in the evening: Sussex Squad makes conspiracy theories about Kate go mainstream and viral on Twitter/social media. I won't rehash them all here but the rumors get dark and blame William and bring back the original Rose affair rumors.

March 4: Kate and Carole papped in a car around Windsor near the kids' school. Kate doesn't look like Kate, jumpstarting conspiracy theories again.

March 10: UK Mother's Day. The Waleses publish a photo of Kate and the kids taken by William. Sussex Squad goes after the photo for having been edited. Getty, and other agencies, kill the photo. It blows up into a huge thing. Celebrities pile on with their own jokes and memes about editing their photos, including Blake Lively and Kim Kardashian.

March 11: Kate issues a statement taking responsibility for editing the photo and apologizing for it. William and Kate are papped in a car leaving Windsor Castle.

March 12: Stephen Colbert jokes about the Rose affair rumor on his show.

March 16: Kate is papped with William at the grocery store. People claim it's her lookalike double because her hair is too hair and she's too skinny. (WTF, yes, I agree.)

March 22: Kensington Palace drops bombshell video statement by Kate that cancer had been found in whatever was removed during her operation in January and she was beginning a course of preventative chemotherapy. No further work or public engagements for Kate at this time. The celebrities that piled onto Kate during "March Madness" (the conspiracy theories and photo-editing weeks) get served humble pie and issue meek apologies that mean nothing.

April 23: Louis's birthday. As a consequence of the way the media flipped out over the Mother's Day photo, the Waleses publish the birthday photo (taken by Kate) exclusively to their social media and don't distribute it to media / photo agencies.

April 29: The Waleses publish an old new-to-us photo from their wedding for their anniversary on their social media.

May 2: Charlotte's birthday. Same deal with Louis - Kate takes the photo, they publish exclusively to their social media and don't distribute it in advance to the photo agencies / media.

May 12: Camilla is papped at the Badminton Horse Show talking to Rose Hanbury. No one cares.

May 14: Sussex Squad finds the photos of Camilla and Rose from the weekend and bring back the affair rumors. They claim that Kate is dead and the BRF is soft-launching William's mistress as his new girlfriend/future wife.

May 15: Charles and Camilla attend the OBE dedication at St. Paul's Cathedral. So do the Cholmondeleys but because they're not photographed with Charles or Camilla, no one notices they're there and no one cares they're there.

So that's what happened. That's where we are today.

How did the affair rumors start?

Discussion about whether the affair rumors are mainstream and how damaging they could be to William and Kate's reputation

Commentary about Rose