#stephen chow journey to the west

[margueritedaisies]

Demons Strikes Back art in the year of our lord 2024

Tried redrawing screencaps from Go (2001) into the pilgrims. Designs based on that 17jttw modern AU. Probably has a lot of mistakes because I was too excited to finish these

[utah-werewolf]

One could say this one has a lazy design, but to be fair... I think he's really cool 🤷‍♀️ He does look like someone who would want (and be able) to slap the entire pantheon just because the soup was too salty, and I love it.

I'm yet to watch the movie, because I've just discovered it and since I don't live anywhere near China, it might be hard for me to find on websites that do not advertise drugs and hot MILFs in my area, but I think it might be worth the search 😬

Also let's pretend this has nothing to do with his human form being smokin' hot

[jttwconfessions]

I'm not over Wukong's glow up between Conquering the Demons and The Demons Strike Back. They went from a hideous little goblin to a human disguised monkey monster who sparks someone's sexual awakening.

[fistfuloflightning]

Slightly more polished version on ao3 here

They're summoned to a local fishing village to investigate some kind of water demon. Just the three of them, which Shen Yuan thinks is hardly fair. Sure, there’s Shen Jiu, who’s worth at least four decent disciples. Shen Yuan doesn’t think he’s too bad. But Shang Qinghua is so far out of his depth it’s almost funny.

They find out it’s a carp demon, old and hungry and slowly picking off the locals over the span of months. Trapping it is the hard part and it goes wild when it realizes it can’t go anywhere. Which Shen Yuan kinda wishes it wouldn’t, since he’s currently hanging above the thrashing water by one leg and staring down into the gaping maw of the carp demon and wondering why all of this feels so familiar.

Shen Jiu is shouting from the side, sounding panicked. But Shen Yuan sincerely hopes his shixiong (bestie? fbf? boyfriend? what the hell?) doesn’t try to play the knight in shining armor (…again).

But it’s actually Shang Qinghua who frees his trapped leg for him, even though it leaves him cursing the An Ding disciple and plummeting into the disturbed water far below. There’s a glimpse of horrified green eyes, then he’s past. There’s no time to worry about Shen Jiu’s weird hero complex at the moment.

But there is a moment of revelation though, the moment before he hits the water: he knows why this whole situation is familiar. Change the demon, change the people dealing with it. But it’s the same. …Fucking Airplane.

And when the demon is suppressed and Shen Yuan drags himself up into the wharf, he’s spitting water and furious. “You fucking ripped off Journey to the West, didn’t you?”

Shang Qinghua’s eyes grow wide for a split second before the biggest grin practically blinds Shen Yuan. “Do you like that movie too?! I thought I was only one!

“I hated that movie.”

Shang Qinghua has the gall to look betrayed. “But Stephen Chow is a national treasure! It’s hard not to be a fan!”

“And it shows in your writing.”

“What does that mean?!”

Shen Yuan is relentless. “So you don’t deny it.”

“It was a good movie,” Shang Qinghua mutters defiantly, as though that’s going to change Shen Yuan’s mind.

But before he can snap back, Shen Jiu is dropping from his sword and grabbing his shoulders to examine him for injuries. “You absolute fool,” he hisses.

He very easily ignores Shang Qinghua in favor of a much prettier face. “A fool for you.” Shen Yuan’s hazy grin is all that saves him from Shen Jiu’s sharp tongue

“Focus.” His eyes flick between Shen Yuan’s, looking for—what? Concussion? His hands don't leave Shen Yuan’s arms, as if afraid he’ll disappear too.

It’s only afterward in their shared inn room that Shen Yuan fixes a gimlet eye on Shang Qinghua. He’s glad Shen Jiu left to check in with the local magistrate, if only so he doesn’t have to explain more than he has to. “You plagiarized the whole beginning scene—didn’t you. Even the little girl, you sick freak. Is there not a single original thought in your head?”

“The girl lived! You saw it! It’s completely not the same! And you have no room to talk, Mr. I-hated-it. You even remember what happened in such a short scene. Even if you deny that, you liar, I know you like the monsters I made up,” he points out. Now that a scowling Shen Yuan can’t deny. Shang Qinghua’s brow rise pointedly as he adds: “…And my bastard son. When’s the wedding, by the way? You’ve gotta make a honest man of him sometime.” A thought suddenly comes to him and he freezes. “Wait. If you got married, would that make me your father-in-law?”

Shen Yuan gags. “Never refer to yourself like that ever again. I hope Stephen Chow finds a way to kill you in your sleep. And if he doesn’t, I will. We never speak of this again and I pray to any bodhisattva who decides to have pity on your sorry ass, that you have not plagiarized any more of that movie. Especially the pig demon.”

Shang Qinghua’s sweating silence says more than words.

“…Are you fucking kidding me?!”

[somegirlsfromk]

Journey to the west 西遊·降魔篇

[zodgory]

Round 2, Match 5 of my copycat Director Filmography poll

MM bracket explainer

Official WKW v Chow poll

[ztremx]

the legendary king of demons, THE MONKEY KING

[the-monkey-ruler]

Journey to the West: The Demons Strike Back (2017) 西游伏妖篇

Director: Tsui Hark Screenwriter: Stephen Chow / Li Sizhen / Tsu Hark Starring: Wu Yifan / Lin Gengxin / Yao Chen / Lin Yun / Bao Beier / Battle / Yang Yiwei / Dapeng / Wang Likun / Wang Duo / Zhang Mei'e Genre: Comedy / Action / Fantasy / Costume Country/Region of Production: Mainland China / Hong Kong, China Language: Mandarin Chinese Date: 2017-01-28 (Mainland China) Duration: 108 minutes Also known as: Journey to the West: Demon Chapter 2 / Journey to the West: Demon Chapter / 伏妖篇 / 西游降魔篇2 / 西游·降魔篇2 / 西游·降魔2 IMDb: tt5273624 Type: Reimanging

Summary:

The monk Tang Sanzang finds himself as a giant in a city in India. His master congratulates him on reaching India and retrieving the Sutras, and gives him a halo as a reward. The halo, however, malfunctions and Tang awakes from his dream to find himself in an alley in a village of circus performers with his three disciples: Sun Wukong; Zhu Bajie; and Sha Wujing. Tang encourages Sun Wukong to perform for the villagers, but the disciple refuses. Angered by this stubbornness, Tang provokes Sun Wukong by calling him a "bad monkey", which causes Sun Wukong to smash the village and damage the villagers' homes in his temper. The terrified villagers present the group with money and food for their travels, but Sun Wukong continues wreaking havoc, sending Zhu Bajie and Tang flying through the air. That night, Tang whips Sun Wukong for his disobedience.

The next morning, Tang goes to find water for their breakfast congee and comes across a house. Its host, a beautiful woman in a splendid outfit, welcomes them all in for breakfast with her companions. Sun Wukong, however, sees through their disguises as spider demons; he purposely provokes them until she and the others show their true form. During the subsequent battle, the demons come together to form one huge spider. After being poisoned by the spider, Sha Wujing falls ill and slowly bloats into a fish-like creature. Sun Wukong defeats the spider and Tang attempts to exorcise her, but Sun Wukong smashes in the demon's head with one blow. Once more, Tang is annoyed at Sun Wukong's disobedience and whips him again that evening. Later that night, the enraged Sun Wukong discusses with the other disciples his plans to kill Tang, but the others fear Tang's mighty Buddha Palm powers. Tang overhears this conversation and prays to Buddha to help him and also confesses that he actually does not know, or have, Buddha Palm powers. Zhu Bajie overhears this admission and tells Sun Wukong, who challenges Tang to a fight. Just as Sun Wukong is about to strike, a blinding ray of light shines from the heavens and he retreats.

The next day, the group pass into the capital city of the Biqiu Kingdom and a minister comes out to greet them and bring them to see the king: an immature and childlike man who likes to play games. The king orders Tang to perform for him but the monk does not have anything to showcase. Sun Wukong therefore pastes an "obedience sticker" on Tang allowing Tang to copy his actions and perform stunts for the king. Sun Wukong, however, goes too far and makes Tang slap the king continuously, who throws them all out. Tang orders Sun Wukong to return and apologize, but it is revealed that Sun Wukong purposely provoked the king to make him reveal his form as the demon Red Boy. They fight and Sun Wukong defeats Red Boy, also freeing the true king of Biqiu from his cage under the throne. As a reward for helping him, the king presents them with a beautiful girl, Felicity, to accompany them on their travels. As Felicity dances for them, Tang is reminded of his deceased lover, Duan.

The group set off and on the way, Sun Wukong realizes that Felicity is actually a demon. In the meantime, Felicity takes out the nose plugs on Sha Wujing, allowing him to sneeze out the poison and turn him back into his human form. Tang, however, does not believe him, so they set off to visit Felicity's home village. Sun Wukong becomes enraged with Tang's lack of trust in him and that night he destroys the whole village, killing everyone. Tang stops him from killing Felicity, further angering Sun Wukong, who attacks Tang, but Felicity finally confesses that she is actually the demon White Bone Spirit and that the whole village was an illusion conjured by her. Sun Wukong flares up and turns into a giant Monkey King demon and swallows Tang. At that moment, the minister and Red Boy arrive and see Sun Wukong has fallen for their trick.

They had deliberately sent Felicity with the group to cause strife between Tang and Sun Wukong, so Sun Wukong would kill his master. Sun Wukong spits Tang out, however, as they had known this all the while; they only played along so that the minister would reveal her true form. They battle and the minister creates an illusion of Buddhas surrounding Sun Wukong, using them to fight him. The real Buddha, however, uses his giant palm to destroy the false Buddhas and reveals the minister's real identity as the Immortal Golden Vulture.

After the battle, Tang heads back to find a dying Felicity. He has no choice but to free her soul as there is too much demon in her. Before she dies, Felicity asks Tang if he loves her. Tang replies that he has only one person in his heart. The animosity between Tang and Sun Wukong has finally dissolved; together with Sha Wujing and Zhu Bajie, they continue their journey to the West through a desert.

In a post-credits scene, breaking of the fourth wall is invoked with the appearance of a modern movie theater, where theater employees tell both the viewer and the in-story audience that it’s time to leave and there is no post-credits scene

Source: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Journey_to_the_West:_The_Demons_Strike_Back

Link: https://ww5.0123movie.net/movie/journey-to-the-west-the-demons-strike-back-19438.html?play=1

[purebredpussyhound]

I love a Stephen Chow movie. Shaolin Soccer is a classic and I have a lot of affectionate nostalgia for Kung Fu Hustle but my favorite's gotta be March of Demons. 2nd favorite Journey to the West adaptation next to the 300 page hentai doujin.

[margueritedaisies]

How Zhuhou met in a nutshell

Gao Cuilan design based on Dicky Cheung's version

[romanceyourdemons]

i’ve thought carefully about it, and there really isn’t anything defensible about dragonball evolution (2009). however, it does provide a case study for the weaknesses many early 2000s comic book films suffered from. despite stephen chow’s name in the producer’s spot, this film is hollywood through and through, and is undeniably a part of the wild west that was pre-mcu comic book film, a period ranging from blade (1998) to the league of extraordinary gentlemen (2003) to the green hornet (2011). although the period also produced gems such as v for vendetta (2005) and christopher nolan’s dark knight trilogy—gems that show a deep love for their source material—many films seem to telegraph a disdain for the original material and harshly adapt them to make them as easy for a mainstream american moviegoer to understand as possible. even for a viewer like myself without much familiarity with the dragonball manga, it is obvious that this film is an extreme victim of this phenomenon. goku is changed from a sun wukong successor to a knockoff superman, a conventionally attractive white high schooler who is a cartoonishly bullied loner for reasons the film does not bother to make more than arbitrary. indeed, every step on his hero’s journey is arbitrary, jerked along by a blandly snarky, hyper-standardized plot. although the film hints at some assets it could have had, its stripped-down budget, stripped-down script, and apathetic directing guts them before the audience’s eyes: a few shots indicate an interesting blend of sci-fi, fantasy martial arts, and early 2000s high school settings, but rather than giving an even cursory glance at the lines where those genres intersect the film leaves them utterly separate and unincorporated; a few of the actors, most notably chow yun-fat, give very energetic performances, but the script hardly even leaves them a two-dimensional character to perform. the most tantalizing thing about this film—as with most of the worst of this period of film—is that individual scenes, individual performances, individual moments of fight choreography are colorful and intense and stamped with the shape of the beloved original work. scattered throughout the film are brief, campy visions of what it could have been. but the tragedy of dragonball evolution (2009) is that it neither trusts its audience nor values its premise enough to fully grasp or commit to this potential incarnation; contrary to the film’s own catchphrase, it does not remember to have faith in who it is

[jttwconfessions]

JTTW the demons strike back is still one of the funniest JTTW movies, or live action movies in general, that I've seen, which isn't saying a lot since I still need to see a lot of them, but while it's absolutely batshit crazy it always manages to twist your expectations in the end (also, I am aware that Tripitaka's actor apparently did some REALLY bad stuff, so if you want to watch the movie I'd say pirate it)

[argumate]

you have some knowledge of classic hong kong kung fu movies, right? like bruce lee, maybe john woo and jackie chan, I'm not really sure who the big stars are. do you have any you particularly recommend? I'd like to watch a few

I'm not actually an expert on this (or anything) and my experience is somewhat scattershot, which makes me wonder what I've even watched, hmm.

Bruce Lee, I've only actually watched The Big Boss in full as a movie, but seen enough clips of the others that they feel familiar; honestly despite the way he towers over the field I think he's more valuable as a conceptual inspiration than a maker of actual movies.

Jackie Chan is obviously incredible; his early movies might be a little cheap and silly but they're far more advanced than anything Bruce Lee had the chance to do and he made so damn many of them! he's not just a kung fu guy but a master of physical comedy, a modern Buster Keaton, and yes obviously the stunts wow.

John Woo fills in the "charismatic gun-fu" and "fluttering doves" side of Hong Kong movies and those are surely worth dipping into at least a little, especially if you appreciate Chow Yun-fat.

Stephen Chow is a personal favourite; a very funny comedian but his comedies include Shaolin Soccer and Kung Fu, as well as the two part Journey to the West parody (Chinese Odyssey) which is fantastic.

Leslie Cheung wasn't a kung fu star but A Chinese Ghost Story by Tsui Hark is still the best version of that movie ever made.

oh and while we're on kung fu comedy, Eagle Shooting Heroes from 1993 is the funniest damn thing and has the best scene of toad-style kung fu put to film; allegedly made in a rush while Ashes of Time ran over budget, it borrows most of the cast and has both Tony's Leung and Jackie Cheung as well Brigitte Lin and Joey Wong and Maggie Cheung.

hmm actually these are all kung fu comedy recs but kung fu lends itself naturally to comedy (and the best comedies have a solid emotional core); Tin Ha Mou Seung (Chinese Odyssey 2002, no relation to the other film with a similar name) is a hilarious spoof of Wong Kar-wai films and classic Shaw Brothers movies like The Kingdom and the Beauty and The Butterfly Lovers, it's great!

oh turns out there is another film titled Chinese Odyssey from 2022, which was Ng Man-tat's last movie before he died of liver cancer; what a pity, that guy was great with Stephen Chow and made more than fifty movies in his career.

okay I'm rambling here and there's tons of other kung fu movie possibilities I haven't covered, like 36th Chamber of Shaolin or the first Ip Man movie, Donnie Yen movies in general, oh and anything with Sammo Hung in it, just go watch some movies already!

[sketching-shark]

Would you say that the LMK writers don't understand Wukong as a character? Of course, there are different interpretations and adaptations of not only this character but many other beloved characters from different stories.

But I think if 10 different writers create a story about, say, Spider-Man. Even if they all do something different with the character, Spider-Man should still be recognizable as Spider-Man. Like there are inherent traits that simply make the character who they are.

Do you think LMK Wukong is missing those inherent traits, or I guess completely misses the point on who SWK is a character?

Monkie Kid spoilers below:

I guess I'd have to start off by saying that I'm very hesitant, especially as someone who is neither Chinese or of Chinese descent, to say whether there's a truly "wrong" way to understand or write the Monkey King. Hell I've often poked fun at the way Sun Wukong has frequently been written in Chinese retellings of Journey to the West, and it must be acknowledged that there is a MASSIVE numbers of very different ways that Sun Wukong has been depicted in Xiyouji retellings, from a silly little guy to a hardened war criminal. For example, here's a Sun Wukong who's definitely an evil little bloodthirsty scamp as presented by Stephen Chow in Journey to the West: Conquering the Demons (2013):

And here's a panel of the Monkey King "Aku" from Marjorie Liu's (who's of Taiwanese descent) Monstress. Here he's feasting on fruit while watching the souls of a bunch of kids that he had slaughtered be tortured for information:

So yes, there's a pretty big difference between these version of the Monkey King and many others, including his multifaceted presentation in the og classic and the laid-back goof that Monkie Kid seems to be aiming for! THAT SAID, and even while acknowledging that the Monkey King as a character has gone through innumerable transformations (lol), I can't help but feel like the writers for Monkie Kid might be letting their Sun Wukong fall prey to the all-too-common push for "more epic!," "The antagonists were right all along," "Pile on the angst!" and the kind of standard taking out the "intelligent" in "intelligent stone monkey" that you see in other western versions of the Monkey King. For example, Netflix's The New Legend of Monkey stars a muscleheaded and illiterate Monkey King, and while it was more of a one-off jest that was quickly disproved in Monkie Kid it is a bit well bothersome how to this day you'll find "lol Sun Wukong can't read!" jokes being bandied about.

I also don't think that anyone can deny that lego show Sun Wukong has been presented as less and less of a competent or even heroic individual as the story's gone on, and personally I'm starting to suspect that this is partially because the writers A) didn't know how to make Qi Xiaotian shine as a hero otherwise and B) to make the Six-Eared Macaque change from obvious antagonist to a true member of team good guy. It's undeniable that Macaque is the firm fandom meow-meow and has been for awhile, and if memory serves correctly the "Sun Wukong sucks" rhetoric started to really take off after Macaque presented his shadow play back in season 2 in which the Monkey King is ultimately framed as nothing but a selfish jerk who betrays his friends on a whim. And while there's basically 0 reference in either recent canon or fanon to the stuff the shadow simian put Qi Xiaotian and his loved ones through up until the end of season 3, it's hammered in time after time after time again just how completely Sun Wukong hurt and still hurts everyone around him because of what he did or what he failed to do. As it is, now we've seen Zhu Dachu yell at SWK for failing to protect Qi Xiaotian, an entire play that framed him as a terrible person and Macaque flat-out saying he's a terrible teacher (and then the plot going out of its way to somewhat confirm this), many people yelling at SWK for his plan to use the Samadhi Fire being stupid and poorly thought out, Long Xiaojio screaming at him for failing everyone especially the people who care about him while she's on fire and in pain, the Azure Lion referring to SWK as someone who's corrupted Qi Xiaotian with his blindness, and the ink clone of Qi Xiaotian--you known, the manifestation of his scariest but truest fears--referring to SWK as a fraud and a force of destruction. So now SWK and the lego show story have been left is this weird place where it seems that in large part the "SWK completely sucks and hurts everyone" truthers were right--and you see this sentiment reflected CONSTANTLY in canon and in fanon--and yet when people just say that explicitly there's a certain amount of scrambling to argue otherwise. I know it's been discussed before, but I think it bears repeating that not that long ago the hatred being leveled at SWK for supposedly being Qi Xiaotian's deadbeat dad on top of everything else he ruined forever got to the point where a writer felt compelled to go on twitter to confirm that SWK is not the father. I think it was the same writer who said that SWK is trying his best, but as others have noted if THIS is his best (world seems like it's in danger of being destroyed every other week) well lol and also lmao. Idk, personally I think if they noted there were THAT many people ready to condemn SWK for something that wasn't even proven one way or another they should step back and think about why that is. And it definitely doesn't help that they keep saying that there's more to this story from SWK's perspective and/or what actually happened, but then they won't actually show it.

So in the end, I'm not sure if in Monkie Kid's case it's so much a instance of not understanding the Monkey King as much as it is about not wanting to stick with what makes the Monkey King so beloved in the first place, the writers themselves not having a firm idea about where they ultimately want his story to go, but also even if unconsciously using him as a punching bag/sacrificial lamb to further the stories/likeability of other characters. And who knows, maybe later episodes will give SWK a backstory that is so tragic and well written and that explains his failures in the present so well that I'll feel stupid for saying all of this. Honestly I would love it if that was the case. Because Monkie Kid seem to have become one of the main ways that a lot of people in the west are learning about the Monkey King and Journey to the West in the first place, and it would kind of suck if the main impression that they ended with was with SWK as nothing but an constant failure that basically everyone who's ever loved him or even spent time with him comes to distrust, resent, and flat-out hate for very legitimate reasons.

[81scorp]

Constructive criticism: Dragonball Evolution

Ah yes, Dragonball Evolution.

Back in 1984 Mangaka Akira Toriyama created Dragon Ball, a manga inspired by the classical 16th-century Chinese novel: Journey to the west, which became a big hit.

Many years later, in the 2000s, Hollywood realized that not just western superherocomics can be turned into movies and milked for money. And so, 20th Century Fox (as they were called before Disney devoured them) bought the movierights to Dragon Ball and tried to make a live-action movie out of it. The film began development in 2002.

Stephen Chow was approached to direct the film, and although he said he was deeply interested because he is a fan of Dragon Ball, Chow declined the chance to direct. Instead, he accepted a role as a producer via his company Star Overseas. Chow`s reason for his decision is that he believes that he should only direct stories he had created. Robert Rodriguez, Mark A.Z. Dippé and Zack Snyder were offered to direct but passed. 20th Century Fox then went on to send the script to writer/director James Wong who accepted. Ben Ramsey, the movie`s writer, wrote the first draft which was deemed too expensive to shoot, and in the end, he wrote about five different drafts of the script following notes from the studio. James Wong wrote the last draft, again according to notes from the studio, but decided to remain uncredited as the co-screenwriter. James Marsters, who was cast as the movie`s villain Piccolo, was a big fan of the manga. Justin Chatwin, who was cast as Son Goku, prepared for his role by reading several volumes of the manga and even the novel it was based on.

When the movie finally came out it was... not good. It wasn`t very faithful to the source material. But if you ignore the sourcematerial (like the movie did) it wasn`t good even standing on it`s own. Characters and plot were both pretty bland and the CGI didn`t look very good. You could tell that this was rushed and made on an unnecessarily low budget.

This movie was made when Tom Rothman was one of the big guys at 20th Century Fox, infamous for micromanaging and rushing movies. Remember, this was the same studio that gave us X-Men Origins: Wolverine.

Before the film's release, Dragon Ball creator Akira Toriyama suggested fans treat it as an alternate universe version of his work. In a 2013 interview with Asahi Shimbun, Toriyama revealed that he had felt the script did not "capture the world or the characteristics" of his series and was "bland" and not interesting, so he cautioned and gave suggestions for changes. But the Hollywood producers did not heed his advice, "And just as I thought, the result was a movie I cannot call Dragon Ball."

So... if I had a wish-granting dragon that would allow me to travel back in time and change this movie... what would I have changed?

Son Goku

Nothing against Justin Chatwin, but like I said in my CC of Shyamalan`s Last Airbender; In a time where there are so few roles for asian actors to play, why cast a white actor to play a character who`s name clearly screams "I`m asian! I`m asian!"?

Also: I`d make his personality more like how it was in the Manga: a naive guy who loves food, fighting and improving his fighting skills.

Plot

It starts with a short little man (Prins Pilaf) and his helpers (Shu, an anthropomorphic dog in a ninja outfit and Mai, a black-haired, human woman) finding an ancient teapot, hidden in a wall in a temple. After this we get a little exposition in the form of old, Japanese paintings and a voice-over.

The narrator tells us that according to the old legends there are seven mystical orbs known as "Dragon Balls" in the world. When assembled, they could be used to summon Shenron, a mighty dragon who would grant one wish to the one who summoned him. After the wish is granted, the Dragon Balls are scattered again across the world and become inert for one year.

There once was a powerful devil known as Piccolo who wanted to use the Dragon Balls to take over the world. He fought and lost to a great fighter who used a secret technique to imprison him in a teapot (like the one we saw earlier). And so, the world was saved... at least for a while.

The present: We see a house, about 40 feet away from the house there`s a giant footprint, it looks like it has been there for a few years. In the backyard of this house we see a teenage Son Goku (16 or 17 years old) practicing martial arts. Then he does some other stuff like chopping wood with his bare hands and cooking and eating food. He tells a crystalball with four stars in it: "My first day at school tomorrow granpa. Wish me luck." He goes to sleep.

Next day: Goku, being homeschooled by his granpa his entire life, is a fish out of water. The ugly furbelt that he has around his waist isn`t helping either.

Two bullies harass a meek little guy. Chi-Chi, a girl walking the hallway with her best friend sees them and wants to stop them. Her friend tells her: "No Chi-Chi! Remember what the principal said, if you get in one more fight you`ll be expelled!"

Chi-Chi considers this for a second... then decides to help the little guy anyway, she refuses to stand by when someone is being bullied. Fortunately she doesn`t have do anything because the bullies get distracted by a new guy with crazy, untamed hair, an ugly belt made out of fur who looks completely lost; it`s Son Goku. The bullies try to mess with Goku but he beats them up with zero effort. Later, Goku and Chi-Chi meet in the school cafeteria. They talk a little and Chi-Chi offers to help Goku with his studies so he won`t fall behind. Montage: Chi-Chi helps Goku with his studies, they practice martial arts together and other stuff. Goku reveals to Chi-Chi that the ugly furbelt he keeps wearing is actually his tail, this is why he`s been home-schooled for most of his life. He tells her that once, when he was little, another kid pulled his tail and it weakened him, so the tail is basically his achilles heel. That`s why he has it around his waist so that people can`t easily grab it.

Later in the evening, elsewhere: A girl with her hair dyed blue, about Son Goku`s age, appears to be looking for something. She has some kind of hand-held radar. She wears some kind of utility belt around her waist and stands next to a car.

Saturday: Goku decides to go fishing and meets the girl with blue hair, her name is Bulma and she tells him that she`s looking for something that could lead to a breakthrough in the field of renewable energy. Goku invites her to his house where she finds that he has a Dragon Ball. She pulls out her own two Dragon Balls and holds them close to Goku`s. The closer the Dragon Balls are to each other the stronger the energy that they emit get. Bulma believes that if she can get all Dragon Balls together she can tap them for a source of unlimited energy. And if it turns out that the old legends about a wish-granting dragon being true then heck, she could just wish for an unlimited energy source. Goku is unwilling to part with the only memory he has of his grandpa but Bulma makes a deal with him, he can join her in her search for the other Dragon Balls, and as soon as she has gotten what she wants he`ll get his four star Dragon Ball back. It`s a deal.

Goku: "Wait, is there any full moon tonight?"

Bulma (checks her digital calender): "No. Why?"

Goku: "Bad things happen when there`s a full moon"

Bulma: "Like what?"

Goku: "That giant footprint outside my backyard. It was caused by a giant monster who appeared when there was a full moon. It stepped on my grandpa and... crushed him."

Bulma: "...Oh."

They go outside. Bulma takes out a capsule from her utility belt, pushes a button on it and drops it on the ground. The tiny capsule turns into a car, Goku is amazed. They get in and drive away. They meet Chi-Chi, Goku tells her everything, Chi-Chi is intrigued and joins them. Road Trip!

Elsewhere, a rural town: People are doing their things, hanging up laundry, old ladies are gossiping, children are playing. One of the kids sees something in the sky; an airship. A Red Ribbon Army airship to be precise! (In this version the Red Ribbon Army works for Pilaf.) Piccolo, an old, green, bald, pointy-eared man with antennaes on his forehead is on board this airship. He senses that this town is hiding a Dragon Ball. He raises his hand, charges it with energy and fires. A quarter of the town is destroyed, people run in panic. Piccolo is disappointed in himself, back when he was in his prime a blast like that would have been enough to destroy the entire town.

Prince Pilaf: "Don`t worry, when we have all the Dragon Balls you can wish yourself young again, and then help me take over the world."

Piccolo: "Yes... Of course."

(Piccolo has no intention of helping Pilaf, as soon as he has gotten his full strength back he`ll throw out Pilaf like yesterday`s garbage and take over the world himself.) Piccolo fires more energy blasts at the town, he hates to leave a work half-done.

Act 2: Elsewhere, in the middle of nowhere: Bulma stops the car, she, Goku and Chi-Chi get out and stretch their legs. There is a Dragon Ball not far from where they are. They enter a cave, inside the cave is a temple. We get something similar to the beginning of Raiders of the lost ark and they get their next Dragon Ball.

Bulma takes out a capsule that turns into a futuristic house. They will set up camp here for the night. Little do they know that they are being watched... by Yamcha, a thief, and his shapeshifting, Pokémon-like cat sidekick named Pool. Goku goes to hunt for food, Bulma thinks he`s an idiot since they already have food with them, but Goku is not much for that prepackaged microwave stuff, with it`s tiny little portions and prefers to do it his way. When he is gone Yamcha and Pool sees this as a perfect opportunity to strike. They sneak in and try to steal as much as possible but are discovered by Bulma and Chi-Chi who defend themselves. Yamcha and Pool gets the upper hand but then Goku comes back with a wild boar the size of a car and beats them. Yamcha and Pool flee. Goku, Chi-Chi and Bulma hear the sound of someone clapping their hands, it comes from an old, bald, bearded man wearing clothes with turtle motif. Bulma thinks he looks familiar. The old man saw them fighting and is impressed by Goku`s fighting style and wonders who taught him. Goku tells him that it was his grandpa, Son Gohan. The old man recognizes that name, he was his old classmate back when he studied martial arts. He wonders what his old classmate is doing these days and is a little saddened to hear that he`s dead. The old man offers to teach Son Goku and reveals that his name is Master Roshi. Bulma recognizes that name!

Bulma: "You`re that peeping tom! You spied on women in the bath house a few years ago!"

Master Roshi: "That... that wasn`t me! You... must be thinking about... a completely different person! Who is definetly not me!"

A little later Goku eats his boar and shares it with Master Roshi who shares some stories with him. He tells him that when he was young he studied under the great Master Mutaito, who in turn studied under Master Korin. He shows Goku a "cool trick" that he learned from his old master: an energy projection attack called the Kamehameha. Goku really wants to learn that technique. Bulma and Chi-Chi refuses to let Roshi sleep in the same house as them. Roshi is OK with that and takes out his own capsule that turns into an RV.

Next day: A little montage of the gang travelling and Master Roshi helping Goku to improve his fighting skills. Goku tries several times to do a Kamehameha but fails, Roshi tells him to be patient, it takes time. All this time they are being followed by Yamcha and Pool.

They reach the town that Piccolo destroyed earlier. Yamcha is devastated, his uncle lived there! He joins Goku`s gang, now they have a common enemy.

Their journey continues. Goku and Yamcha trains under Master Roshi. Goku keeps trying to do a Kamehameha, he is doing slightly better now. After hours of focusing he manages, for a fraction of a second, to create a tiny little spark. Yamcha and Bulma bonds a little.

The gang reaches a temple carved out a mountain. Master Roshi has a bad feeling about this, he believes something bad will happen. Mai, Shu and several soldiers from the Red Ribbon Army show up. Fightscene. (Bulma is not a martial artist like the others, but she has guns though.) Piccolo emerges from the temple opening holding a Dragon Ball in his hand. Master Roshi recognizes him. He`s the devil that his old Master Mutaito sealed away years ago! (We get a little flashback: Roshi and Son Gohan were in their mid-twenties when it happened. The technique that defeated Piccolo took so much strength out of Mutaito that it cost him his life.) Yamcha, filled with anger, attacks Piccolo and is swatted way as if he was a fly. Goku attacks Piccolo, their fight lasts longer than ten seconds but Goku is defeated, Roshi fights fights Piccolo but is also defeated. Chi-Chi and Bulma knows that they are outmatched. Mai takes their Dragon Balls, the Dragon Radar and all of Bulma`s capsules. Piccolo plans to kill them but Bulma uses a smoke bomb. Chi-Chi takes the Dragon Balls back from Mai, Goku gets up and picks up Roshi and Yamcha. Bulma gets an idea: run towards the temple! They run. Mai takes back the Dragon Balls from Chi-Chi. Inside the temple entrance Roshi gather what`s left of his strength to fire a Kamehameha that makes the entrance collapse. They are now trapped inside. Piccolo finds their plan foolish, nothing awaits them there except a slow death. He could have finished them off quickly. But he can`t stay to do so, he has used up too much power, doesn`t have time to wait and he has their Dragon Balls, so there`s no reason for him to stay. He leaves, Mai and the Red Ribbon Army soldiers follow him. Goku`s gang wait a while to recover their strength and for Yamcha to regain consciousness. Master Roshi uses a kamehameha to clear the debris, after a few blasts they`re finally out. It`s night... and there`s a full moon. Goku sees the moon and starts to change. He transforms into a giant weregorilla with a tail and starts going berserk. Bulma sees the giant footprint that the monster leaves, it looks just like the one in Goku`s backyard. She puts two and two together; the monster that killed Goku`s grandpa... was Goku himself! Chi-Chi remembers what Goku said to her a few days ago, about his tail being his achilles heel. She tells the others that they have cut of his tail! Pool turns into a sword that Yamcha uses to cut the tail off. Goku turns back to his old self. He is exhausted, both physically and mentally, he sees the giant footprint in the ground. He puts two and two together... and faints.

The next day: Goku remains unconscious. Roshi knows what they should do, he takes them to a wooded area where there`s a very, very, VERY hightower. Pool turns himself into a big monkey and climbs the tower with his hands and feet while holding Goku`s unconscious body with his tail. The others climb after him.

Master Roshi: "I`m getting too old for this."

At the top of the tower there`s a round, almost saucer-like building. Inside the building they meet a short, chubby, talking cat carrying a big staff. It takes them a few seconds to realize that THIS is Master Korin. If Roshi is a (dirty minded) Obi-Wan Kenobi Korin is like Yoda. The gang is tired, exhausted and hungry, Korin gives them Senzu beans that restores their stamina, vitality and gives them full nourishment. He performs a telepathic mind-meld with Son Goku. He goes deep into his subconscious and helps him get over the shock and guilt of accidentally killing his own grandpa. (It`s kinda like that episode of Avatar: The Last Airbender with the guru.) Goku finally wakes up, he is hungry.

How are they gonna find and stop Piccolo? They have no Dragon Radar or means of transportation. Korin helps them by giving them a small cloud called Flying Nimbus that can transport them. It`s a very sensitive cloud though, it only allows Goku and Chi-Chi to ride it. Korin also knows where Piccolo is and points them in the right direction. Goku and Chi-Chi flies away on the Flying Nimbus, Pool transforms himself into a big bird that Roshi, Bulma and Yamcha can ride as he flies after the Nimbus.

Act 3: Mai finds the last Dragon Ball at the bottom of the ocean and gives it to Piccolo. Now he has all seven!

Prince Pilaf: "Now you can help me take over the world!"

Piccolo: "About that... I lied."

Piccolo plans to throw Pilaf overboard but Mai and Shu stands between him and Pilaf.

Mai: "If you want Pilaf..."

Shu: "... You`re gonna have to go through us!"

Piccolo: (shrugs) "OK."

He casually tosses all three of them overboard like they were yesterday`s garbage. They land in the ocean and survive. Piccolo gives a meaningful look to the soldiers around him. They gulp and understand that they are now under new management and quickly adapt to that fact. Piccolo takes the Dragon Balls, jumps off the ship and lands on the ground. He summons the mighty Shenron and speaks his wish. Shenron makes him young again. Piccolo gets ready to destroy Shenron but Goku arrives in the nick of time and interrupts him. Shenron disappears, the Dragon Balls fly up in the air and scatter. Piccolo and Goku fight. The Red Ribbon soldiers try to assist Piccolo but Chi-Chi fights them to prevent them from doing so. Unfortunately the soldiers outnumber her, but fortunately Roshi shows up and evens the odds. Pool drops Bulma and Yamcha off on the ship. Bulma runs through the ship looking for her utility belt, Yamcha fights off any guards who try to stop her. Goku keeps fighting Piccolo. Bulma finds her utility belt, takes a capsule that turns into a rocket launcher and fires it at Piccolo. It doesn`t do much damage. Piccolo fires an energy blast at her but Goku jumps in front of her and takes the hit. Goku gets up, musters all his strength and for a moment, it is as if his grandfather is there with him in spirit to give him extra strength. Goku fires a POWERFUL kamehameha at Piccolo.

Piccolo is (seemingly) obliterated and Goku collapses from exhaustion. He wakes up and we get to the movie`s denouement. Since the Dragon Balls have been used and are now inert for a year there isn`t any big, important, adventurous stuff left for the gang to do for a while. Bulma and Yamcha have grown close and plan to go on a date, Roshi leaves in his RV and Chi-Chi suggests to Goku that the two of them should go on a date. As long as their date is in a restaurant Goku is all for it. He and Chi-Chi fly away on the Nimbus.

THE END

Mid-Credit scene: One year later: Bulma, searching the bottom of the ocean in a Mini-Submarine finds Goku`s Dragon Ball with the four stars.

Post-Credit scene: A flashback/dream sequence: Piccolo, standing in a palace above the clouds meets a doppleganger of himself, wearing a white robe with a blue collar. On his robe he has a red colored kanji that means "God". The doppleganger bids him farewell. Piccolo wakes up, injured but alive.

Now, I could stop here... but I wanna pitch the sequels too.

Dragon Ball 2

Nine years have passed. Bulma`s dream of unlimited global energy has become a reality. Goku now has a seven year old son named Son Gohan. Master Roshi has taken in three new students: Krillin, Tien Shinhan and Chiaotzu. Three aliens called Saiyans visit Earth with plans to take over it, their names are Vegeta, Nappa and Raditz, they look human except they all have tails... Just like Goku used to have! Goku is a Saiyan! Piccolo`s doppleganger reveals himself to Goku and the gang (and is now much older than Piccolo himself). He reveals that he is Kami, the guardian of Earth, he is originally from a planet called Namek. It was he who created the Dragon Balls and that he and Piccolo were once one. If he or Piccolo dies the Dragon Balls will cease to function. Kami also reveals that it is possible to wish a person back from the dead, but a person can only be resurrected once, you only get one chance, not infinite chances. Speaking of Piccolo, he starts to work with the heroes now that they have a common enemy, but he insists it`s only temporary. Anyway, the gang fights the aliens. Piccolo dies in the battle as does Nappa and Raditz. Vegeta survives and leaves Earth in his escape pod.

Dragon Ball 3

Goku and the gang travels to Namek, saves a bunch of Namekians, Vegeta switches sides and Piccolo comes back to life. Goku goes super Saiyan, fights and defeats Frieza.

Dragon Ball 4

A young man from the future, (named Trunks) shows up and warns Goku and the gang about a monster named Cell who will threaten the world in one year. The gang prepare themselves for Cell, but they were not prepared for the three androids (16, 17 and 18) who would show up before Cell. They fight the androids, Vegeta learns how to go Super saiyan, Cell shows up, absorbs the androids and become stronger because of it. The gang fights Cell, and manages to pull android 18 out of him. They fight and defeat Cell.

Dragon Ball 5

Goku and the gang fights a Monster/Demon named Buu.

Aand that`s how I would do it. Not great but hopefully something that Akira Toriyama would be OK with.

It is of course very easy for me to write these because I have the luxury of hindsight. And I didn`t have Tom Rothman standing over me, micromanaging the movie to death and pressuring me to get it made before a deadline.

Why do I write these?

For several reasons. I`m nitpicky. Sometimes the movies I criticize aren`t bad, I just like my own ideas better. Sometimes the movies I critize are bad. I care about good storytelling and it`s a fun excerize in creativity and script doctoring.

But also because I have a lot of of free time.

----------------------------------------------------

Written stuff: 60

Started writing this 2024-07-13

I`ve had this on my to-do list for a while now. After I heard of Akira Toriyamas passing I felt that now is the time for me to start writing this, but then for some reason I did my little CC/movie pitch of Spider-Man in the MCU instead. This was originally gonna be my Written stuff number 59.

Comments are appreciated.

Other movies on my Constructive Criticism list that you can look forward to

Supergirl (1984) Jonah Hex (2010) The Spirit (2008) The Dark Knight trilogy

And as usual: English is not my first language, so if my writing doesn`t seem to flow naturally, you know why.

You can find me on artstation. Also: My sister has a patreon if you`re interested.

[ztremx]

stephen chow’s JOURNEY TO THE WEST