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levi-my-beloved · 3 years

Text

Birds of a Feather

Chapter 4

Parings: Canon!Levi x F!Reader

Content Warnings: Violence, torture, this one gets a little spicy y’all, descriptions of sexual acts, hints of abuse (please let me know if i’ve missed any)

Word Count: 14.8K

Summary: You were the most notorious criminal in The Underground City. With your organisation of highly skilled professionals, only one man could take you down. He also happened be be Humanity’s Strongest... and your ex.

Previous Chapter

First Chapter

A/N: well, you guys wanted it all in one post! this is by far the longest chapter, yet, and possibly the longest chapter in the entire fic maybe? i’ve caught myself up now with the progress of writing, since i’ve only completed one part of the next chapter so chapter 5 won’t be out within the next three days like these last four have been. i’m thinking i’ll need maybe a week? not sure, but the next part has a little flashback section which i hope you’ll all enjoy!

god these a/n’s are really long aren’t they? asdfghjkl sorry i’ll make the cut off now. hope you enjoy!!!

𖣔𖣔𖣔𖣔𖣔𖣔𖣔𖣔𖣔𖣔𖣔𖣔𖣔𖣔𖣔𖣔𖣔𖣔𖣔𖣔𖣔𖣔

Whether it had been thirty minutes or thirty years, you couldn’t tell. Struggling to stay conscious as the four soldiers brought your limp body back to your cell. Your legs no longer work, gathering dust as they drag across the ground. Your abdomen and back were on fire. You were convinced. They had simply thrown you into hell to cook for a bit before dragging you back out. There was no other explanation. Other than the countless, seemingly endless beatings you had just taken. Whether your legs were tired or if your spine was broken, you couldn’t tell as they tossed you back behind bars, removing the rope around your wrists. You didn’t have the strength to fight back. Didn’t have the strength to even raise your head as they left.

Broken, split ribs sent agonising jolts of pain as you shifted in a lame attempt to curl up into a ball. You hadn’t cracked like they’d wanted you to. You hadn’t screamed, cried, begged them to stop. And you wouldn’t. When they came back for you, you would hold your tongue once again. You had never broken in the past. Whether you’d been compromised during an assault on a rival gang, or whether it was one of your mentor’s training exercises to get you used to torture. You had never broken.

You weren’t about to start now.

Still, the throbbing in your body prevented you from sleeping. You didn’t know what time it was. Time had escaped you during that ordeal. You didn’t even know what time of day it was, pretty sure it was night when they had come for you.

Fuck, your body ached. But you knew comfort was a long way from here. It always seemed so far away from where you were. Did you ever have comfort?

You lay there for god knows how long, seconds turning to minutes, minutes to hours. Hours could have turned to days for all you knew.

When the now familiar echo of footsteps reached your ears, you didn’t move. You didn’t care. Whoever it was could rot in hell for all you cared. Wishing death upon these fucking soldiers was the only thing keeping you from giving up right now.

“The bed not good enough or something?” Levi. Shit. The one person you didn’t want to see you like this.

You didn’t answer, choosing instead to try and count as many marks on the wall as you could. It helped to keep your focus off the dull throbbing coursing through your body.

“Oi, ‘you seriously still asleep? It's almost midday,” the singing of metal caused you to wince slightly as he rapped on the bars in an attempt to wake you from a sleep you weren’t in.

“Get the fuck u—” You had a vague idea what caused him to stop his impending barrage of insults you knew were about to flutter effortlessly from his mouth, and you couldn’t tell if you were thankful or not. On the upside, you didn’t have to hear whatever colourful language he was about to spew. On the downside…

“What happened to you…?” it was the second time he’d asked that question, but from the tone of his voice, you could tell this was less a passing thought and more of a question prompted by horror.

Levi froze. His breath caught in his throat. He had expected you to be awake by now. To be up, with that crooked, cocky smile on your face. In fact, he’d half expected you to be leaning against the wall, the door flung wide open as you twirled the keychain around your finger, simply begging him to ask you how you’d done it.

The last thing he expected to see was you, on the floor, curled into a ball. The shirt on your lower back riding up enough for him to see violent, deep purple bruises, blood steadily streaming from your spine and lower back.

Still you refused to answer, or even move. Filthy fucking soldiers, you fucking hated every last one of them. How fucking dare they? How dare they string you up like a piece of drying meat. They had no idea what you’d been through. What you’d had to do to survive. How dare they assume.

And yet,

And yet there was still that little voice in your head. That little kernel of doubt, convincing you that you deserved this. You had killed so many. So much blood was on your hands.

You deserved this.

You didn’t even notice Levi had entered your cell until a hand rested upon your shoulder.

“(Y/N)—”

“Don’t fucking touch me,” your reaction was instant. Instinctual. Immediately wrenching out of his hand, throwing yourself forward. A yelp escaped your mouth without your permission, fire igniting in your body as you moved so suddenly. It caused you to falter in your movements, landing harshly on your side. “Shit!” your voice broke as you yelped, agony flaring in your entire midsection, hand flying to clutch your side as you backed up against the wall. “Don’t fucking touch me,” there was no conviction in your voice. It was more of a plea than anything. If you had raised your head to look at him, maybe you would have laughed at his expression of twisted shock.

But instead you let your hair fall in front of your face, masking your own expression. Teeth grit in silent pain, eyes screwed shut.

Levi’s worry turned to outright unsettling fear. Over the last two days, he’s witnessed you more broken than he’s ever seen you before. He remembered sitting up with you after you’d woken from one of your nightmares. The two of you sitting on the floor against the wall, sharing a cup of tea to not waste resources. He’d seen you angry. He’d seen you upset. But he’d never seen you shattered.

“(Y/N)...” you’d forgotten how soft his usual bored voice could sound. Even after yesterday, you hadn’t heard that tone from him in years. It was borderline unnatural.

It prompted you to raise your head ever so slightly, glaring at him through thick, matted (H/C) strands. You refused to let your guard down, even though the sight of him squatting before you, eyebrows gently creased with suppressed worry almost made you relax. But you weren’t about to be taken away and tortured again.

Any scrap of trust that may have manifested yesterday during the carriage ride and your conversation had been crushed.

“Get away from me,” you looked feral, bearing your teeth animalistically as you snarled. Though it didn’t seem to deter him. He knew a dog only bared its teeth when it was wounded, fearing to be hurt further.

Levi sighed through his nose as he stood. You flinched at his movement and watched as he made more of a conscious effort not to startle you. Your eyes squinted in suspicious confusion as he took a small cloth from his pocket and started running it under the tap.

It seemed the faucet did work. Good to know.

Returning to squat in front of you, his eyes flickered from your face to your abdomen.

“Show me,” he instructed gently, and you almost obeyed him. Almost.

“Go fuck yourself,” you spat instead, bringing your knees closer to your aching body. If you hadn’t been trained to withstand pain, you would have cried out as your abdomen begged you to stop constricting your muscles.

“I’m trying to help,” your ears caught the slight irritation in his tone, but you didn’t care. He could kick you for all you care.

Actually, you really didn’t want him to do that.

“I don’t want your help,”

“You need it.”

“Burn in hell, Levi,” it was the first time you’d actually used his name since you said it back when they first apprehended you, and Levi couldn’t deny that it cut deep. A sentiment he masked with a frustrated exhale. Clearly he’d expected resistance. Either that or he was just as tenacious as he used to be.

“Well, I'm definitely not going up,” he responded, that same softness in his tone and despite your situation, you couldn’t help the slight huff of amusement. It seemed to put him at ease too, content you weren’t about to lunge for his throat.

Slowly, you uncurled from your position, visibly wincing as your torn, beaten muscles relaxed. Levi took this as permission to inch closer and you felt a small appreciation for his trepidation.

Still, you couldn’t help but flinch every time he moved too fast. A simple reflex stemming from your training. It wasn’t really something you thought about, but it prompted the raven haired man to freeze every time you moved.

You refused to meet his eyes as he gently lifted the fabric of your shirt, hearing his breath hitch slightly.

“Holy shit…” He breathed. You hadn’t seen how bad your body was damaged, but judging by his reaction;

It sure as hell wasn’t good.

Levi felt he could kill someone. Actually, a lot of someones. Shit, when he finds out who was responsible for this he would make sure they wished they were never born. The same rage he felt when seeing you flinch for the first time once again coursed through his veins, and this time, he didn’t think he could just let it simmer.

“Who did this to you?” you blinked, his question caught you off guard. Didn’t he know? How didn’t he know? Surely every soldier in the damn military would revel in the idea of you being tortured all night. You clenched your jaw, refusing to respond. You didn’t know why you were being so stubborn. Maybe it was the sheer principle of not wanting to show any sort of weakness in front of him.

In fact, now you thought about it, it was definitely that. Whether Levi sensed it or not, he chose not to press you for an answer. Perhaps he did already know.

You hissed as the cold, damp cloth gently soothed your inflamed skin, glancing back to his face. You hated the way his focussed expression calmed your heart. Loathed how that crease in his eyebrows eased your whirling thoughts. Despised how, from this angle, you could see just how annoyingly attractive he had become.

“Can you move?” he asked, silver eyes rising up to meet your own. The low torchlight highlighted the heus of deep blue you knew he had hidden away. You pretended you looked away because you couldn’t stand the sight of his face, rather than the reality.

You were far too tempted to lean up and capture his lips.

“Yes,” Levi couldn’t tell if you were lying, shifting slightly to help you move but stopping immediately when you flinched away.

“Lie on the bed,” for the first time in ten years, you were compelled to follow an order. You weren’t even obedient towards Viper most of the time. But nonetheless, you found yourself struggling to your feet, an arm braced on the wall behind you.

Clearly respecting your independence, Levi took a step back, allowing you to find your own way. If you weren’t slightly delirious from the pain, you would have missed a kernel of respect flashing in his expression, before he swiftly turned away, washing the cloth again as you collapsed onto the so-called ‘mattress’ with a hiss.

Levi rung the small cloth out onto the floor, focussing on the way the droplets collided with the stone, rather than the way every movement you made caused you obvious pain. Once again, every fibre of his being was screaming at him to cradle you in his arms and whisper soft nothings into your ear. He wanted you to fall asleep next to him, your face buried in the crook of his neck. He craved to feel your soft hair through his fingertips, gently coercing you into dreams. It hurt so much that he could see you, but he couldn’t have you.

Turning to face away from him, you once again shrivelled into a ball. You didn’t want this. You didn’t want any of this. You just wanted to be left alone. But the dip in the bed behind you told you that wasn’t an option right now, muscles tensing on instinct.

he didn’t ask for permission this time as gentle fingers gripped your shirt, dragging up to reveal your brutalised back. If you could see his expression, you might have even been afraid. Darkness shrouded his face, teeth grit in utter hatred. A muscle in his jaw twitching from the effort of clamping his mouth so tightly.

His first touch felt like you’d been shocked by the static that built up on the bed clothes. The damp cool gliding across the welts and bruises across your back. Balling your hands into fists, you refused to make any sound. Still having the mindset of not wanting to give anyone the satisfaction of hearing you in pain. It was a mindset you didn’t think would leave you for a while.

Levi worked in silence, allowing you to settle and almost relax after a while. You wanted to trust him, but you didn’t. Not really. However, right now, you trusted him not to hurt you further. Simply content to relish in the way he soothed the pain. It didn’t come naturally. Every time he pressed too hard it took all your strength not to lunge for his throat, but he would stop upon hearing your sharp intake of breath, waiting for you to settle before continuing.

After what seemed like an eternity of silence, you finally broke it with a question that had been budding in your mind.

“Why are you doing this?” your voice came out a rasped whisper, almost as if you hadn’t used your vocal chords for weeks. You were sure he wasn’t going to answer, opting instead to simply continue to clean your bruises. Another blanket of quiet had settled over the two of you before he responded.

“I don’t know,” he lied. Levi wasn’t sure why he lied. Honestly, he thought it was obvious enough. He still cared about you. So fucking much. It burned him to see you in so much pain. He’d never felt the mind numbing fury he felt when he saw what they’d done to you.

You weren’t really happy with the answer. If anything, it simply gave you more questions. But you were too tired to press for more. Almost too tired to notice when he’d stopped. Pulling your grimy shirt back down to your waist, you felt the mattress rise as he stood. You didn’t turn. You couldn’t turn. After the night you’d had, the exhaustion from the last 24 hours finally catching up on you.

Noticing how you were almost already asleep, Levi decided to throw caution to the wind.

You felt a soft caress through your dirt ridden hair, the action sending a pleasant buzz through your system. It was an action so familiar to the both of you, you wondered why you kept flinching away from his touch when all it did was gently drain you of energy.

“Sleep.”

You didn’t have time to contemplate his tone before the comforting nothingness claimed you.

꧁ꨄ꧂

Levi hadn’t been this angry in a long, long time. Sure, he’d been annoyed. When a solider made a stupid mistake or when a cadet didn’t know how to clean properly. But he hadn’t been this furious in years.

Maybe since the deaths of Isobel and Farlan.

It was obvious when Levi was in a bad mood. Sweeping through the headquarters like a storm. Cadets could almost feel his presence before they saw him, swiftly making themselves busy as he paid no attention to any of them. He had one goal in mind. One destination. And he didn’t even knock when he got there.

“Out. Now.” it wasn’t an order to disobey. When he opened the door to Erwin’s office, revealing a small meeting, Levi didn’t think twice to dismiss them, even if they were his superiors.

“Levi, what’s—”

“If you know what’s good for you, you’ll all leave the room for the next half an hour. Maybe longer depending on how this conversation goes,” his swirling eyes met Erwin’s and he swore he could detect the slightest fear in the man’s gaze.

Good.

He should be afraid.

Without so much as a mutter of goodbyes, the squad leaders and section commanders all dispersed, leaving the Captain alone with the Commander.

Erwin was the first to break the heavy silence.

“I’m assuming this is about Raven?” his voice didn’t waver, seeming to have regained his composure from the initial shock. But Levi wasn’t here for a dainty conversation. The unbridled rage pulsing through his bloodstream clouded his vision, almost seeing red.

“Did you know?”

“Levi—”

“Did. You. Know?” Levi hardly ever raised his voice. Usually it was only out in the field or on a mission, and that was only because it was easier to communicate that way. Keeping his bored, flat tones when slicing open the nape of a titan didn’t seem possible.

Erwin pinched the bridge of his nose, letting out a deep, defeated sigh.

“Yes. I knew. But Levi, you have to understand—”

“I don’t have to understand jackshit. Don’t you think she’s been through enough? She’s led a life being treated like an animal and now you’re allowing her to be beaten like one?”

“It’s necessary, Levi.”

“It’s barbaric!” Erwin had never heard such venom in his voice. Not even when he vowed to kill him all those years ago. He’d seen Levi’s rage. Witnessed it from afar. The way he tore through flesh like it was paper.

Never did he think he would be on the receiving end. Leaning forward, the blonde folded his arms against the desk, clearly conflicted.

“I know this is a difficult subject for you. You two grew up in the same environment, it would only be natural for you to care for her,” the conniving bastard. Levi borderline snarled at the statement. He did care for you. Deeply. But Erwin didn’t need to know that.

“But please listen. As I mentioned before, ties between the Military Police and the Survey Corps are taut. Any discord between us would cause them to snap. I already tightened them further by not allowing them to execute her publicly. I thought if she joined the Scouts instead, not only would we gain an asset, but she would also be able to survive. That didn’t sit well with Niles. He wants her to pay for what she’s done. If not by death, then by various other methods. This was the only way to keep both parties happy, Levi. Trust me,” Levi was starting to lose what trust he had in the man.

Whilst yes, his explanation made sense, it still didn’t sweeten the blow. How long would this go on for? Would they take you everyday, or just some days? How badly would they hurt you?

As if able to read his mind through his knife-like glare, Erwin continued.

“It’s only for this week. Whilst she’s in her cell. They don’t have permission to permanently damage her, only—”

“Only break her ribs and crack her sternum. Yeah, I saw,” he responded bitterly, folding his arms as he leant against the door. Fuck this. Fuck him. Fuck them.

Levi had never been so conflicted. Whilst the sight of you, beaten and broken, had shattered him, he also knew it was for your own good. It was this, or death.

He didn’t like the second option much.

But the memory of what they had done had burned into his skull. Running his fingers down your prominent, bruised spine. So fragile, but so goddamn strong. Muscles spread disproportionately about your abdomen and shoulders. Your stomach was concave for fuck sakes. And they were still beating the shit out of you.

It made him wonder. If he wasn’t so lucky…

Would he have received the same treatment?

Would he have been thrown in a cell and tortured for a week?

He doubted it.

Erwin waited for Levi to gather his thoughts. Waited for him to say whatever he was going to say next. He had expected Levi to find out. Had expected the man to have some sort of reaction, but nothing quite to this extent. Maybe there really was something deeper between you and him that Levi was keeping to himself.

“So this will continue for a whole damn week?” Levi asked, almost exasperated, running a hand through his obsidian locks. This was a nightmare. All of it. Nobody deserves this treatment. Not even Kenny, but especially not you.

It was Erwin’s slow nod that had his stomach dropping.

“Yes,” he replied quietly. “This will continue for the whole week.”

That was all Levi needed to hear. Whether it was right or wrong, he was powerless to stop it. Turning on his heel and heading back down the halls to his office, he tried to push the images of your broken body and spirit from his mind. Maybe he was hoping you were the same bright eyed, mischievous woman you were before he lost you ten years ago. How had so much changed since then?

How much had you changed so much since then?

He no longer saw that spark of life in your eyes. No longer able to bask in your genuine smile.

If he hadn’t seen so many young, hopeful souls shattered by the paralysing fear of facing a titan, or the desperate heartache of losing a loved one, he’d be surprised.

But he wasn’t. Not at all. Who knows what you have had to do to survive? Who knows just how much of yourself you’d had to sacrifice to get where you are now. But he wouldn’t accept that you were gone.

He would never accept that.

But from the looks of you, only a small fragment of your true self remained. Levi thought he was over being hurt by the changes in people he somewhat cared about.

Maybe he was wrong.

꧁ꨄ꧂

The week was gruelling. Taken from your cell at night and being subjected to both physical and mental torture was one of the toughest things you’ve faced. It was brutal, having to fortify both your mind and body nightly against the blows from the MPs. Sometimes it would change. Sometimes the original four switched out. Sometimes they had an observer. But every time was horrific.

You were sure you’d be dead by now if Levi didn’t visit daily to soothe your broken and cracked bones. If he didn’t ask his monotonous questions, all of which you either responded to with something sarcastic, or silence.

Very few times you actually gave a real answer.

Unlike this time.

“How did you get that scar?” It was always the question he started with. Always wanting to know what happened to you during the time he was away, and that scar down your right eye.

“Don’t you ever get tired of asking that question?” you huffed, tucking your elbows beneath your head.

“Don’t you ever get tired of not answering it?” since you’d seen him everyday since you arrived, you were beginning to relearn all the tells you knew he had, but had changed over time. For example, this smallest lilt in his voice when he found something amusing. He waited for your body to stop twitching as you laughed silently, before resuming the treatment of the damp cloth.

“Not really, it’s fun listening to you get more and more frustrated.”

“As charming as ever, Raven.”

You didn’t know how you felt about him using your alias rather than your name. You knew you’d asked him to, or rather, harshly told him to, but he’d used your actual name a few times since then. But you didn’t want to ask, not wanting him to feel uncomfortable.

You let the quiet blanket the two of you, debating whether or not to answer. You’d refused him everyday, but as more time passed, the more you remembered just how much you’d loved him.

“There was a rival gang in the neighbourhood next to ours. Always fighting us for territory or supplies. Honestly, I wanted them wiped out, but Prongs insisted that would make us far too many powerful enemies,” Levi had paused as you started the exposition, genuinely surprised you’d actually decided to give him a full answer, rather that the usual “I entered a sword headbutting contest” or something equally as ridiculous.

“We were at each other’s throats for years, never really landing a solid hit on the other’s gang, until the bastard managed to take one of my Shadows, Diablo, alive. I owed those people everything. They took me in when you—” you managed to stop yourself, but not fast enough for Levi to avoid feeling the gut punching guilt he felt whenever you accidentally mentioned him leaving. You really didn’t mean to, you were just used to talking more openly about it.

“Uh, sorry. Yeah, they took me in, so I owed them a lot. Plus, I’d known them for years by now. I trusted them and they trusted me. I wasn’t about to abandon her,” Levi could hear your conviction and resolve in the cadence of your voice, and silently wondered when you’d become so strong. He’d almost forgotten he was supposed to be treating you badly damaged back, until you hissed slightly. Looking down, he realised he’d pressed a little too hard with the cloth against your tender skin.

“Shit, sorry.”

“‘S’fine. Just concentrate, yeah?” despite your condition, you still had it in you to crack cocky jokes. Levi had half the mind to swat the back of your head with his cloth, but he decided to be merciful.

You left it a beat before you continued.

“Anyway, I didn’t have a choice. But it turns out, all the creepy bastard wanted to do was to make sure everyone knew I wasn’t untouchable. Then maybe we’d stop having smaller gangs ally with us. I let him scar my face, and in return he gave us Diablo back, completely unharmed. It was really fucking weird now that I think about it,” Levi pondered this for a moment, before another question popped into his head.

“What happened to him?”

“Who?”

“The creepy guy, idiot.”

“Call me an idiot again, I fucking dare you.”

“What will you do? You can hardly stand.”

“I don’t need to stand to beat your sorry ass.”

Shit, he’d missed this. This playful banter between the two of you. He’d missed it so goddamn much.

“He found one of my blades stuck in his throat pretty soon after,” Levi grunted in approval, a small smile bloomed across his face at the thought.

Good.

Creepy son-of-a-bitch.

The two of you continued in a comfortable silence for a short while, before your slightly mischievous voice cut through it again.

“Okay, my turn,” you sounded far too nonchalant for his liking, Levi narrowing his gaze to the back of your head.

“Your turn?”

“You’ve been asking me questions for the last few days, and I haven’t asked you one once,” if Levi didn’t know better, he’d say you were almost pouting. He was tempted to turn your head to check, but it seemed you still weren’t entirely comfortable with the whole being touched thing.

He hadn’t asked you about that yet.

“Alright, alright. One question.”

“How come you get countless and I only get one?”

“Call it a Captain’s privilege,”

“Pffft, Captain my ass,”

“Just ask your stupid question.”

You laughed at his feigned frustrated tone, knowing he was loving this as much as you were. You allowed yourself to think about how you wanted to phrase this.

“Are they still here with you? Farlan and Isobel?” you had been slightly hesitant to ask this, since he hadn’t mentioned them once. You didn’t know them personally, only seeing them fleetingly when Levi would usher you into his room, or having sparing conversation with them when Viper sold them that ODM. And judging by his pained silence, you now feared his answer.

“Yes and no,” your question had definitely caught him off guard. He didn’t even think you remembered them, so for you to ask after them was a little out of the blue. Hence why he opted to mimic your response from a few days ago.

You had clearly caught on.

“The hell does that mean?”

Levi realised he probably couldn’t tend to your back and tell this story at the same time. He was going to need all his strength to suppress the torrent of emotions he knew he was about to unlock. Sensing his change of tone, you slowly shifted so you were sitting next to him, making sure you didn’t move too quickly or awkwardly so as to not irritate your painful back.

You searched his features in the silence, partially hidden by the bangs you used to love running your hands through. You couldn’t help but wonder whether or not they were as soft as they used to be.

“It was my fault,” he admitted quietly. You hated seeing Levi like this. You’d only seen him like this once before, when Kenny abandoned him. You vowed you would never let him feel like this again as long as you were by his side.

This is what happens when you’re separated.

“What was your fault?” you gently prompted, not wanting to push him, but rather wanting to let him know that you were willing to listen.

“It was our first expedition. I was naive, agreeing to let them come with us, rather than the original plan which was for me to go alone. Raven, the reason I— the reason we left, was because we were recruited for a job, and killing Erwin Smith was part of that. But none of us knew what to expect beyond the walls. We’d trained but, we didn’t know what to expect when facing an actual titan,” you didn’t press further when he took pauses or longer breaths. You were happy he was comfortable enough with you now to even tell you this. “Everything was going smoothly. Too smoothly, and it wasn’t long before it all went to shit. I lost sight of them when the storm hit, losing them in the fog. I was completely powerless to stop an Abnormal. Shit, I didn’t even know it had passed me. I just saw bodies and limbs everywhere and knew I had to turn back. By the time I got there, it was too late. They were both gone,” Levi’s fist clenched into a ball, taking his focus away from the pain in his chest to the one in his palm. He didn’t even realise his eyes were closed until he felt a gentle hand on his shoulder. He stiffened under your touch, not quite able to believe how far the two of you had come in such a short amount of time.

“I’m so sorry I wasn’t there, Levi,” he didn’t really understand what you were apologising for, or why you felt the need. Afterall, it was him who left you.

“I vowed after that day I wouldn’t have any regrets. Some jackass said that if I did, their deaths wouldn’t mean anything. But I knew I would always have one. I knew I would always regret leaving you behind,” Levi looked to you through his bangs, an expression of guilt etched into his hardened face. You forgave him at that moment. You forgave him for everything.

“I’m here now, aren’t I? And whilst I may not be the same girl you left behind, I still have her memories,” your hand slid from its position on his shoulder to rest over his heart, feeling it flutter within his sturdy ribcage.

Levi faintly wondered if he was dreaming. If you could feel his heart rate increase with every touch.

“That’s why you said yes and no, isn’t it? Because they’re not physically here, but they are here,” Levi could do nothing but nod, his eyes trained on your face like a hawk. He wanted permission. Begged for it through his dark, swirling eyes. Screamed for it in the way his eyes flickered to your lips, your face so close he could smell that scent of freshly baked bread you’d always carried with you, even beneath all the filth. A few centimetres further and you would have what you’d wanted for ten long years. What you both have wanted.

“You sound ridiculous,”

“Your fault,” he could feel the flutter of your breath against his face, wishing nothing more than for you to close the distance.

Levi slowly brought his hand from his lap, his palm rising to cup your cheek.

It didn’t even get close before you flinched, eyes darting to his raised hand.

And just like that, all the tension dissolved. As if you hadn’t been busy getting lost within the storm that were his irises. Levi pulled back, as if he himself had been struck.

“I’m sorry… I wasn’t thinking,” he rose from his position next to you, wanting nothing more than for the ground to swallow him whole.

How could he be so damn selfish? It was obvious you couldn’t do anything like that right now. Maybe not ever. And he was getting way ahead of himself. You had already said the girl who loved him was dead, he couldn’t even think how or why he would assume just because your body was present, your mind was as well. Just because he was willing, why would you be willing as well?

Except you were.

So. Fucking. Willing.

And you cursed yourself for these instinctive reactions. Every sudden movement had your mind flashing back to training. Back to Viper’s brutal learning methods. It wasn’t even that much longer after Levi left you were made the Raven. After Viper’s death, it was almost instantaneous. But that didn’t stop those seven months of brutal punishments to leave a permanent scar on your psyche. You wished you could find your voice to reassure him that you’d get over this.

But you couldn’t.

And Levi was once again the first to speak.

“I should go. I’ll see you tomorrow Raven—”

“(Y/N),” you corrected him. After countless times of him calling you by your alias, you didn’t think you could stand it anymore. Levi raised his brow, seemingly a little confused by your interruption. “I’m not The Raven anymore. Technically that title belongs to Prongs now. So it’s just (Y/N),” despite the awkwardness of your recent encounter, you still felt that familiar warmth blossom in your chest at his softened smile, and quietly wonder if anyone else ever saw him smile this much.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, (Y/N),” you returned his expression, before lying back down on your side. This was your last night in your cell, before you’d be free to join the Scouts. You silently scoffed at the irony of that statement, but nothing could quell your small candle of hope as you listened to Levi’s footsteps get quieter and quieter. Maybe things weren’t so shit up here after all.

꧁ꨄ꧂

“You know, Raven, I’m going to miss our little nighttime meetings,” another harsh blow to your stomach sent you reeling, eyes screwed shut in both pain and defiance. They were trying everything they could to break you tonight. Blood running freely down your abdomen. Fresh bruises now blossoming over the wilted petals of previous nights.

Still you refused to break. Solid walls of spite had erected around your mind, and they wouldn’t be cracked or broken. Not by anything. So you took it. You took your punishment, only opening your mouth to hurl obscene insults or vile curses in their direction. Mocking the way they struck, laughing at their lack of strength. It only resulted in harsher blows, but it was worth seeing the frustration on their faces when you didn’t scream in agony.

“You know who you remind me of like this? I only made the connection a few nights ago. Strung up and beaten like your good-for-nothing father,”

That struck a chord in you. Your eyes flew open, staring at the ground in horror. This is what had happened to him? They had taken him and beaten him? Was he still alive? Was he here somewhere?

The man, who you’d dubbed Dirt, answered all your questions with his next jab.

“A shame he only lasted a few days. You on the other hand… you’re much more fun to play with,” a feral grin sliced through his face as he circled you, drawing back to land three excrutiating blows against your lower back. You grit your teeth, fighting back the tears that threatened to spill from your eyes. You didn’t think you had a heart to shatter. You didn’t think any of it remained for it to be broken again.

The MPs had taken two father figures from you.

That grin still adorned Dirt’s face as he went to swing the metal bat again, only to be interrupted by the door behind you opening. Dirt’s eyes narrowed, before whoever it was seemed to please him. God you couldn’t wait for the day where you tore that venomous smile right off his fucking face.

“Captain Ackerman. To what do we owe the pleasure?” you froze. What the hell was he doing here? Why did he always have to arrive during the moments where you really didn’t want him to see you.

But you weren’t expecting to feel a kernel of hope as he spoke.

You weren’t expecting the small smile that etched into your sweat slickened face.

“I was sent to observe. Since she’ll be joining the Survey Corps, I’m here to ensure you don’t break her,” Levi sounded as bored as ever, and you almost huffed a laugh.

Dirt scoffed, in irritation that he wouldn’t get to sever your spine with brute force.

“Very well. However, I must ask you to stand back. She swings like a stallion’s cock sometimes,” If it weren’t directed at you, you would have laughed at the comment. In any other situation, it would have been rather funny.

Just not this one.

Levi had never felt so sick. As soon as he walked in, seeing you strung up like that, helplessly, he had to force down the instinct to rip every one of these torturous bastards to ribbons. He’d never had to have such a tight hold on his emotions in his life, because if that hold slipped…

This would become a blood bath.

“Anyway Raven, where were we?” he asked, though the question was rhetorical. You knew he remembered. He was just trying to provoke a response out of you. But knowing Levi was here gave you a strength you weren’t expecting.

Looking up through your hair, you shot a glare through the thick, matted strands.

“Choke on your own blood, fuckface,” you spat, kicking weakly towards him. It wasn’t the show of defiance you’d wanted, but it seemed to get the message across. You were prepared for whatever consequences there would be for such a demonstration.

The repercussions came immediately. Roughly digging his fingers into your chin, Dirt forced you head up to look at him, his face a picture of mock amusement.

Levi’s jaw clenched.

“Come now Raven. Not trying to impress Captain Levi now, are you?” your eyes flickered over to Levi, his expression unreadable, grey hues trained on the two of you. A rumble of laughter echoed around the chamber as Dirt took in your spiteful expression. “Now I’m left wondering, how somebody like you could come from somebody like your pathetic father. How somebody so defiant, so fucking strong,” —he harshly jabbed at your stomach with the hilt of his bat— “Could be the daughter of somebody so weak,”

“Shut the fuck up,” you rasp, hot fury surging through your veins. How fucking dare he? How dare he insult your father this way. He was a good man. An honest man. He did nothing wrong. Nothing to warrant his or your mother’s death.

“Hm. No, I think I’ll keep talking. This might finally break you.”

“I’ll fucking KILL YOU,” the hook keeping your arms above your head creaked as you thrashed, trying to free yourself to wrap your hands around his goddamn throat.

“You should have heard his cries. His pathetic whimpers as we carved into his flesh. They were… amusing.” No. This wouldn’t be your downfall. You refused. This wasn’t it. You would not be broken by this.

“At least tell me what he died for. At least tell me why you took him, you shit-eating pig!” you spat viciously, trying once again to get free. It was infuriating more than anything. You had so many questions, never knowing why your parents had been killed. Why you came back to your house in disarray, crimson staining the floorboards as your mother’s blood drained from the gash in her throat. Your father, nowhere to be found.

Though he managed to keep his expression neutral, Levi thought back to your father. For the short time he knew him, he was a kind man. He did what he could for the people around him, always feeding those who looked starving. He was convinced that was where you got your compassion from. Why the hell would they take him and torture him?

“Why? He didn’t tell you? Interesting. Your father knew the location of The Nest long before you became our problem. You thought it was a coincidence Viper just happened to take you in? Please, this job was enjoyable enough, don’t make me laugh with your naivety as well,”

“You’re lying. My father was a baker. He was a good man. He wasn’t involved in our criminal shit!”

“Have you noticed a pattern in your life, Raven? Have you noticed how we tried everything to prevent you from falling down this path?” your jaw flickered at Dirt’s tone, mocking you as if they had done you a service.

“We thought your father would introduce you to a life of crime, so we got rid of him for you. When you fell into the care of Viper; well, we got rid of him for you as well,” his smile was snake-like as flashes from that night plagued your mind. Pressed up against the wall as your mentor was savagely dealt with. Begging at them. Screaming at them to stop. To let him go. Only for them to raise a rifle to his head, and paint the wall with his blood.

Dirt imitated a gun with his fingers, putting them up to your forehead.

“Bang.”

Slowly, you stopped thrashing, though the hatred in your veins didn’t cool. You simmered silently, raising your eyes once again. No tears. No sorrow. Nothing but feigned indifference flickered in the low light.

Dirt looked at you for a moment, eyebrows creasing in irritation as he stepped back, twirling the bad in his hands before repeatedly cracking it against your empty stomach. Levi only just managed to control his breathing as he watched helplessly, flinching subtly as every blow connected with your too-skinny body. Clearly Dirt was taking out some intense frustration. He’d just managed to compose himself when the bastard’s eyes turned to him. That fucking smile poisoned his features as he extended the handle of the weapon.

“Captain Levi. She killed a few of your men, did she not? Why don’t you see if you can break the whore?” You almost scoffed in amusement. Levi wouldn’t do that. Not to you. Not after everything the two of you had been through.

You’d finally found each other again.

You were so sure.

You were so sure of yourself.

You were so sure of him.

You’d rekindled that trust over the last week.

You’d rekindled something you thought was dead.

You were so sure.

Until he took the handle.

And the white hot knife of betrayal twisted into your gut once again.

Fuck.

Fuck fuck fuck fuck.

What the hell was he supposed to do?

Shit.

The weight of the bat felt ten times heavier than anything he’s ever held in his life. The weight of what he was about to do.

Fuck.

As excruciating as this was to watch, he knew it was ten times worse for you. He knew every blow, every crack, was undoing hours of hard work soothing your aches and bruises. Each thud against your body sent jolts of electricity through him. Nerve ends alight with adrenaline, heart beating as if he was about to fight every single one of these bastards just to get them away from you.

Still you have not broken. He couldn’t pinpoint the slight warmth in his chest, couldn’t comprehend what it was. Was he impressed? Surprised?

Proud…?

Levi wasn’t sure if the look of soul shattering betrayal in your eyes was worth it as his hands gripped the cool metal, slightly slickened with your blood.

He would explain it to you.

He would.

Once you were back in your cell, he would tell you why he did it.

But for now, his glare only darkened as he stepped forward. He couldn’t stand the expression on your face. Confused bewilderment, as if trying to work out what he was thinking.

Levi begged you to stop. Stop looking at him like that. Stop trying to work him out because not even he knew if this was the right thing to do.

It was almost a relief when your wide eyes clouded with heartbreaking realisation and acceptance.

A hiss escaped your lips at the first crack. Somehow, this felt more painful than anything those pitiful soldiers could do. Your eyes screwed shut, jaw clenched so hard you were afraid it would shatter into a million pieces.

Each blow felt so precise. So measured and controlled. It stung your heart more than anything else. You’d been betrayed. Again. For the second time in a week. Betrayed by the two people you’d ever loved. Scarlett, who’d picked you up when you were sure nobody else could. Who nursed your broken bones and your broken soul.

And by the first man who ever held your heart.

And truthfully, still did.

Was that all this last week had been?

A ploy just to fuck with you. To earn your trust only to immediately shatter you once again? To break your spirit? Granted, nobody knew the nature of your relationship between you and Levi, but that didn’t matter. The man you loved had just stabbed you in the back.

Again.

So much had happened in the last week. So much had been brought to the surface. It would take years to unpack it all, not that you had any intention of doing that. You just wanted it all gone. To bury it with your fathers. To never think about it again.

You were dragged from your thoughts by a shock of agony sparking up your spine, stemming from your lower back. It was Dirt’s favourite place to attack. Whenever he thought you were being too feisty, too aggressive. He would land as many blows to your lower back as he saw fit.

Admittedly, you doubted Levi knew you’d been snapping back spitefully all session before he arrived, but that didn’t quell the raging fire of hatred as your lips parted without your permission.

A broken cry of anguished agony wracked from your chest, chilling the air of the humid chamber.

Levi froze, horror flashing across his usually schooled features.

He’d broken you.

Levi had broken you.

And with it, any bond he’d managed to salvage over the last week. Any bridge he’d started to rebuild now came crashing down around him.

That one well placed crack had ripped away at your resolve, exposing the tired, hurt, beaten girl beneath.

The room seemed to have stilled. All falling into quiet awe at what had just happened. A slow clap split the stagnant air as Dirt walked up from where he was leaning against the wall. Levi was tempted to turn the bat on him, but he found himself unable to move.

“Your reputation precedes you, Captain. Striking her lower back like that after leaving it to simmer? Genius! We should have asked you to join us earlier,” Dirt cackled in delight as he produced a knife from his pocket. Reaching up, he easily sliced through the ropes binding your hands.

Stone rose up to greet your body as you fell uselessly to the ground, legs too weak to hold you.

“Oh dear. Are you dead? Maybe you and your father had more in common that I originally thought,”

“Enough.” Dirt’s jeering was interrupted by the no-bullshit tones of Levi, causing the soldier to whirl around. He’d finally managed to find his voice, once again reining himself in.

“But Captain Levi, Sir, she’s The Raven. Don’t you think she deserves some extra time with us tonight?”

“If you don’t leave now I’ll make sure it’s you who won’t be able to walk. Go,” you couldn’t tell if this was a blessing or a curse. If he was an angel or a demon.

Actually no, scratch that.

He was a demon, and this was a curse.

You couldn’t find it in yourself to move as you heard busy footsteps around you, assuming the four horsemen were gathering their effects.

“I do hope you make her crawl back to her cell, Captain. We all know your reputation for cleanliness. It would be a shame to dirty your hands touching this filthy whore,” Dirt drawled one more savage insult, before you heard his echoing steps get further and further away. You hoped the day would never come where you had to see his face again.

The silence in the room now was suffocating. You could both feel the emotions radiating off each other now the MPs were gone. He could feel your loathing, and you could feel his disgust. Or what you thought was disgust. What you assumed was disgust.

How could he not be disgusted? He must be. To do what he just did. You didn’t understand why he would come down everyday and help you if he felt such hatred towards you.

No, that’s a lie.

You did understand.

But that truth hurt so much more than anything else tonight.

It had sowed the seed of doubt in your mind. You knew you weren’t a good person. In fact, to most soldiers and nobles you were a devil. But you’d always clung onto the hope that everything you did was to help people. You stole medicine, you slit the throats of rapists, you provided weapons to those who didn’t have enough to fend for themselves.

There was a small part of you that truly believed you were doing good.

That small part had just been crushed, along with several bones.

Gathering what little strength you had, you extended a limp arm in front of you. Fuck it, you weren’t going to sleep here on a floor soiled by your own sweat, blood and saliva.

You would crawl if you had to.

“(Y/N)...” all he wanted to do was hold you. All he’d wanted to do since he’d found you again was hold you. He’d been so close yesterday, but he’d fucked that up.

Now he was sure you’d never willingly let him hold you again. The bat fell from his hand as if he’d realised it was covered in poison, heart clenching at the way you instinctively threw your arms above your head, terrified of some other attack.

You hated how his voice carried so much comfort. Hated how it soothed your raging mind. God you wanted nothing more than to rip his fucking tongue out and make sure he never spoke to you like that again.

A gentle hand landed on your shoulder, forcing you to stop.

“Get… get the fuck… off me… Get the fuck off me,” you couldn’t fight back as he tucked his arms under your legs and upper back, wincing as he lifted you into his grip. “Don’t… Don’t fucking touch me,” there was no strength left in you to push against him as he carried you back, but that didn’t stop you from weakly hitting the arms that held you.

You didn’t understand. One moment he was savagely beating you, and the next he was cradling you against his chest, holding you close as he took you to your cell.

Laying you down, he hoped you understood why he did what he did. It was a fool’s hope, he knew.

He realised you definitely didn’t understand when you started fighting back.

With a sudden surge of strength, you lunged for him. It was a weak attack, and you didn’t really know what you were trying to achieve as you threw yourself towards him with a cry of anguished rage, but you also didn’t care.

“I fucking trusted you,” you spat in between your flailing limbs. It really didn’t take long for Levi to pin your arms either side of your head, hovering over your body.

“(Y/N), stop,” He tightened his grip on your wrists as you struggled against his hold. It would have been a real test of strength for both of you had you not spent the last week having the life beaten out of you. You were weaker than you’d ever been, and he was taking advantage.

“I was right the first time. You don’t get to call me that. You don’t ever get to call me that. You sick, twisted BASTARD. So that was why you lied to me. That was why you didn’t tell me why you were helping me. You fucking coward, is that all you were doing? Convincing me I was safe with you? Tricking me into thinking you still actually cared about me you filthy fucking LIAR,” you barked a mirthless laugh, baring your teeth in a visceral snarl. “I swear to you Levi, I will not fucking stop until my knife is buried your goddamn THROAT!” you struggled again, twisting as much as you could beneath him, trying to free your arms, your hands, anything that could help you take him down.

He deserved this. He knew he did. Levi looked into the burning betrayal in your eyes and knew he deserved this. He would take every verbal blow you threw at him because he knew he deserved it. But he had to explain. He didn’t care. You could hurl whatever you wanted at him, but he wouldn’t leave until he had the chance to explain himself.

Then he would never see you again.

If that’s what you wanted.

“Just calm down, for a minute, please,” you hadn’t heard him beg like that in a very, very long time. Shit, you fucking hated what it did to you. In this position, your wrists held above your head, his arms caging you in, his legs either side of your hips...

The room suddenly felt far too warm.

“What could you possibly have to say to me? I fucking trusted you. You disgusting son-of-a-bitch. I can’t believe I actually thought—“

Levi finally lost his temper.

“What? You thought what? That just because we found each other again we’d play happy families? Grow the fuck up, Raven,” he spat your alias, finally releasing all the fury he’d pent up. He knew this was a mistake. None of this was your fault. He’d been angry with how you’d been treated. Utterly beside himself at Erwin.

And you were taking the fall for it.

“I didn’t lie to you, I didn’t have a fucking choice. If anyone saw me treat you any differently, they would start to question it. They would question why I was showing pity to a criminal. The Raven, no less. And I can’t—”

“Oh I’m sorry, I would hate to ruin your reputation, Captain,” you struck back with just as much venom. Just as much fury.

“Let me finish. I can’t let them get to you anymore than they already have. It was either them or—”

“Because I’m just so import—” you almost cried out as the grip on your wrists tightened, knowing they would leave yet another bruise on your body.

“Let. Me. Finish.” Levi narrowed his eyes, returning the glare you were holding on him and not continuing until you yielded, finally looking away and clamping your mouth shut. “It was either them or me. I could let them continue to beat the shit out of you mercilessly, or I could do it myself. I could try and make it better. I couldn’t fucking watch that shit anymore. I couldn’t fucking stand it. Those filthy bastards laying their dirty hands on you. Hurting you. Shit, you were half dead when I walked in. I was scared you were for a moment. Terrified they were just beating a corpse. But you’re so much stronger than I ever gave you credit for. They never fucking broke you. And they never will. Because if they touch you again, if they fucking look at you, I will go the the ends of the goddamn earth and tear them apart, because I care about you,” Levi hadn’t noticed he was panting. He hadn’t noticed the tears slipping down your cheeks. He didn’t think his self hatred could sink any deeper, but now he’d made you cry silent tears.

Loosening his grip on your wrists, he looked at you as though he’d been responsible for your murder.

“So, it was mercy? That’s what’s considered merciful up here?” you couldn’t really believe it. Twice in two days Levi had spoken more to you than you thought he ever did back when you belonged to each other. You didn’t think you’d ever sounded so small. So vulnerable. “Let me ask you this, Levi. Was it merciful on me, or merciful on you? Because you sure as hell didn’t make things better for me,” despite the quieter volume, your voice was still harsh.

But you had to know.

You wanted nothing more than to pull him in and thread your hands through his hair. To feel his body against yours. For his heartbeat to lull you to sleep. But you had to know whether he did this for you, or himself.

You understood now. You really did. And put in the same situation, you didn’t think you’d do any differently.

“Honestly…? Merciful to me. I couldn't bear it. I tried. I tried so fucking hard. But I couldn’t let them hurt you anymore,” his voice was no louder than a choked, guilt ridden whisper.

That’s all you needed to hear. Slipping your wrists free of his hands, you reached up. Cupping the sides of his face, you brought him down to you, since you couldn’t exactly sit up and go to him.

As soon as your lips returned home to his, you couldn’t stop the few tears from escaping your closed eyes.

Levi’s own eyes widened, and he was suddenly convinced he was dead. Was this actually happening? After everything he’s just done, everything he’s just said.

You forgave him?

When your tongue gently skirted his bottom lip, he decided contemplating forgiveness was something for later. Terrified of hurting you further, he rested his weight on his elbows, finally closing his eyes. He’d wanted this for so long. Since he laid eyes on you for the first time in ten years, he’d wanted nothing more than to envelop your mouth with his own.

With your eyes closed, you didn’t mind when his hand came up to gently caress the apple of your cheek. You didn’t mind when you opened your lips for his tongue to hesitantly slip in and explore your mouth, that slick muscle moving against yours. You didn’t mind when his hand travelled down to cup the side of your neck, tilting your head up to deepen the kiss.

Neither of you wanted to break away, having waited far too long for this moment. You reveled in the groan he emitted down your throat as your left hand found its way to his undercut, gently scratching and caressing in desperation. You hadn’t heard that sound in so long and you instantly craved more.

Levi’s eyes rolled back into his skull behind his closed lids, feeling your hands in his hair. God, he didn’t want to fuck you in a cell, but your hands and tongue were making it difficult for him to control himself.

He was the first to pull back, instantly missing the warmth of your mouth.

“I don’t understand,” he breathed, looking down into your eyes. You could see the swirling confusion in those sterling orbs as they flickered in the low light. You could see the arousal in his dark pupils. Feel it against your inner thigh. You wanted to take him right here and now, but not only did you acknowledge the fact you were literally in a prison cell…

You weren’t sure you were ready. Not yet. Not after everything.

“Levi… if you had done that for my sake, I would have shattered both your kneecaps,” you earned yourself a gentle laugh, his thumb coming up to smooth down your eyebrow. “But you didn’t. I know you feel selfish, and I know you hate yourself for it, but I also know that it was either that, or you beat them to death with that goddamn bat. I know you, Levi. You haven’t changed much yourself,” your left hand came back, softly carding through those ebony bangs.

Levi felt like he could fly. Felt as though you’d returned the wings he’d lost when he thought he’d never see you again.

(Y/N), I want to apolo—”

“Shut the fuck up.”

With that, you stretched up to capture his mouth again, instantly feeling like you’d come back home. You didn’t care about the surge of pain coursing through your abdomen and back. That’s what he was to you.

He was home.

You felt his length twitch in his constraints as both your hands found purchase in his hair, gently tugging at the black strands.

“Fuck…” he breathed into your mouth, his hips bucking involuntarily as you sucked his lower lip between your teeth.

You kept having to consciously remind yourself that you are in fact in a dank, filthy cell. And enveloping him between you increasingly slick folds was wildly inappropriate.

Levi thought it was entirely unfair how you were managing to drag whines and moans from him with nothing but your fingers and teeth. So he decided it was his turn to give something back.

His hand travelled down your body, almost instinctively finding the crease in your thighs. He swallowed his own groan of ecstasy as his knuckles grazed his arousal, opting instead to focus on the way your hips rose to meet the pads of his fingers, gently rubbing your swollen, clothed clit. His circular motions drawing out those small whimpers he’d craved to hear.

“Mmn, L-Levi... ACK, fuck!” your moan of pleasure turned into a small cry of pain as your abs contracted, sending yet another lightning bolt through your system. Levi withdrew his hand immediately, eyes instantly clearing and recognising your signs of discomfort.

“Shit (Y/N), your back,” you felt your heart swell at his concern, though internally cursed yourself.

“‘S’fine,” you insisted, rising up once again to grasp his lips with yours, only to be met with thin air and you ex(?) lover looking down at you.

“No, it’s not. C’mere,” Levi sighed and lifted himself off you, careful not to cause you any further damage. He looked for permission before gently turning you on your side, as if your tongue hadn’t been down his throat less than thirty seconds ago. He cursed his erection, finding himself a little hindered by it as he walked over to the faucet, allowing himself a few moments reprieve before removing the handkerchief from his pocket and running it under the tap.

Though the mirror was cracked, he could still see his slightly swollen lips, distorted against the spider webbing fractures. Could still see the mark you’d left on his face. Shit, he wished for those marks to be left elsewhere. His mind wandered back to the way you used to settle between his thighs, teasing him until you got him to crack. He loved the way you could coerce broken pleas from his throat. Adored the black-blue bites you left on the inside of his thighs, before your warmth enveloped him. Your flexible muscle flicking up and down his sensitive length, running over that prominent vein he hadn’t felt you caress in too long. He missed feeling the vibrations of your chuckle when he begged for you to let him cum. When he felt his balls tighten with release, and yet you denied him still.

But most of all he missed tasting you. He missed the way your arousal freely leaked onto his tongue. He missed the way your hips rose to meet his fingers, that breathy gasp when he found your hidden spot. The begs and cries you made when you wanted him to let you cum. When you whined for his dick to replace his fingers. Fuck, he missed the way your thighs locked his head between them as he brought you to climax with nothing but his tongue flicking over you little, sensitive button. Over, and over, and over again.

“Having trouble?” you grinned from your position on the sorry excuse for a mattress. You’d managed to turn yourself over to watch him, disregarding any agony you felt. You wouldn’t miss this for the world. You wouldn’t miss seeing Levi all riled up and unable to focus simply because of the administrations with your mouth.

“Shut up,” he grumbled, turning the faucet off and ringing out the cloth in the sink. You chuckled at his tone and his predicament, loving every second of it. Though you couldn’t miss the small glint of amusement in his dark eyes. “Oi, turn back ‘round. ‘Need to get to your back,”

“I bet you do,”

“(Y/N)...” he warned, with no real malice in his tone. If this was any other man, you would have lunged at them for taking that tone with you. But this was Levi. Your Levi. You knew he would never hurt you. Not unless absolutely necessary.

Case and point: hitting you with a bat to avoid a murder charge.

Begrudgingly, you tore your eyes from his face, haphazardly twisting on the mattress to face away from him.

“Hm, good girl,” Levi purred, eyes gleaming at the way your thighs clenched in reaction. But any spark of arousal was swiftly extinguished, when your body twitched away from his as he took his seat behind you.

You clenched your eyes shut, hating yourself for the reaction you couldn’t control. You didn’t blame Viper for your now primal fear. You knew he was just teaching you what you needed to know, but he had no fatherly experience, and possibly caused more harm than good.

“‘M’ sorry, it’s not you, I promise. I just—”

“No. No apologising. It’s not your fault,” you nodded, not trusting your voice not to crack if you spoke up now.

Levi thought hard about how he wanted to do this without causing any more reaction from you. Attempting to keep his mind from wandering too far, he tried to understand what made you comfortable enough to bring him onto your mouth. To gently tug on his lower lip. To thread your hands through his hair and--

“I have an idea… (Y/N), watch what I’m doing,” you did as he asked, turning your neck as much as you could to watch the movements of his hand. You tensed as his palm hovered over your side. But when you didn’t feel anything, you unscrewed one tightly shut eye, peering at him curiously.

“(Y/N), can you raise your body for me, just to reach my hand?” this might actually work. Levi had been wracking his brains for a way for you to feel comfortable again with touch.

Hesitantly, you slowly raised your body to meet his fingers, almost freezing as you felt no reaction. You didn’t tense, you didn’t instantly balk under his touch.

You hadn’t cried in years, and yet throughout the course of this long, long night, you had cried twice, the corners of your lashes growing damp as a tear slipped down the side of your face.

Growing increasingly concerned by your lack of response, Levi was about to move his hand from your side, but was immediately stopped by your own fingers covering his.

“Don’t. Stay. Don’t move away,” his heart burned at your broken plea, his worried expression softening in slight relief.

“I won’t. (Y/N), I’m not going to touch you without your permission. Ever. But, if you’re comfortable with it, we can do this. If you’re happy with this,” Levi gently moved his thumb against the fabric of your shirt, caressing your side. Your choked laugh of happy disbelief caused his small smile to broaden ever so slightly.

“Yes. Yes i’m happy with this,” still having trouble believing this was truly happening, you closed your eyes in bliss, allowing a few more tears to escape.

“Okay, I’m going to move your shirt up, alright?” your heart sung at his sincerity, nodding silently once again as you felt the fabric of your shirt bunch up ever so carefully. You loved how he always made you feel so precious. Nothing was precious in the Underground, but somehow he always made you feel worth diamonds and gold. You’d forgotten what that was like, until the damp cloth once again soothed your aching welts, chasing away the throbs of pain.

Those spears of guilt once again plunged into Levi’s heart as he saw what they had done to you. What he’d done to you. You were always so forgiving when it came to him. You always have been. He could lock himself in his room for days, not speak to you for hours on end and you would always be there to hold him when the pressure finally cracked. Always there to soothe him when he opened up after long weeks of isolation. When those memories of his mother dragged up again. When the day Kenny left forced him to hide away until he couldn’t take it anymore.

You always forgave him.

And could always sense what he was thinking.

He came back to the present when your hand squeezed his, as if you knew where his mind had taken him.

“It’s okay, Levi,” your soft reassurance broke his heart.

“I should be saying that to you,”

“Go on then,” you retorted, not even trying to hide the mischief in your voice

Levi chuckled, moving his hand from under yours to stroke your hair.

“It’s okay, (Y/N),”

“I feel thoroughly reassured,”

“Tch, shut up brat,” god, at this point your heart could have been a choir. Singing once again at the soft amusement gently lacing his tone. But you internally cringed as fingers threaded through your grimy hair, reaching up to move it away.

“Levi, don’t. It’s fucking filthy,”

“So’s your face but I recall sucking on it a few moments ago,”

“Levi!” you couldn’t believe he’d just said that. He was never one to make such jokes. But you couldn’t deny you loved it. Loved his low, breathy laugh at your indignant call of his name.

“What? Am I wrong?” you couldn’t see his slightly cheeky smirk behind you. Or the way one brow raised in feigned curiosity.

“Well no, but—”

“Didn’t think so.”

“God you’re insufferable. Anyone would think you’re— OW!” you turned to look back at him in mock anger. He didn’t actually hurt you, and by looking at your swiftly disintegrating expresion, Levi was able to decipher you were just fucking with him. Rolling his eyes, he continued his administration with the cloth, watching fondly as you settled back down.

You only spoke again when that hand in your hair started moving.

“Levi, seriously, it’s gross. Just focus on my back,” when he didn’t reply, you once again twisted back to look at him, unable to decipher the expression on his face.

“Stay here,”

“Like I’m in any condition to move, asshole,”

“Tch, don’t be difficult. I’ll be back in a minute,” with a final caress of your head, Levi chucked the cloth back into the sink before standing to his feet. You were a bit of a sorry sight, lying on your side, shirt ridden up to reveal your bruised, still bloodied back. He’d managed to gently scrub off most of the crimson staining your skin, but he wanted to provide you with just a little more comfort, if he could.

You didn’t even try to escape when he left the door open. Too tired to move. Your limbs felt like lead everytime you attempted to shift, exhaustion clinging to your bones like shackles. You didn’t know how long you waited, but you felt yourself start to drift in and out of consciousness, unable to help yourself marvel at how easy it would be to slip into a deep sleep. Your mind was far too heavy to sift through the lake of emotions you’d found yourself submerged in. Just as you were about to succumb to the call of rest, your faultless alert system brought you back to consciousness, adrenaline injected into your veins as you shot upright at the sound of footsteps.

“Calm down, it’s just me,” your brittle nerves settled at the sound of his calming voice, heart leaping when you saw what he carried in his arms.

Levi had brought everything he thought he would need. A small metal basin containing a small flannel, a wash-cloth, a small cup, the shower soap and hair conditioner from his own quarters and a large towel to spare the mattress of the water. Kicking the cell door almost closed with his foot, Levi crossed to the sink once again, setting out the contents on the cracked porcelain before filling the basin.

He left the faucet running, turning back to you with the town folded on his arm.

“Gonna need you to move if we want to set this down,” you raised a suggestive eyebrow, mouth pulling into a small smirk. Levi rolled his eyes. “Not like that, brat. Unless you want to sleep on a damp mattress. It’s up to you, really,” the amused spark in his eye betrayed his neutral, blank face as you gently shimmied down the bed, making a space for him to set the towel down.

You watched as he removed his jacket, mouth watering ever so slightly as his shirt clung to his back, unable to tear your eyes away from the movement of his muscles. They had certainly developed well.

“Oi, stop ogling,” he smirked to you over his shoulder, earning a sly grin from you in response.

“Can’t help it,” you chimed, eyes flicking to his forearms as he rolled up his sleeves. Fuck, if only you weren’t in a jail cell. Or utterly filthy. Or just not ready for that yet.

If only you didn’t have a thousand things stopping you from pushing him against the wall and engulfing his cock in down your throat.

But for now, you just had to settle with undressing and fucking him with your eyes. Something that clearly didn’t go unnoticed, if the way he writhed slightly under your pinning gaze was anything to go by.

“Stop looking at me like that,” Levi tried to steer his thoughts away from his length stiffening once again. Fuck, the way you were staring at him, he was starting to feel hot beneath his shirt, despite the naturally cool temperature of the room. Your heated chuckle only fueled the flames.

“Aw, why? Are you hard?” you teased, raking your eyes up and down his figure, lingering on the small tent in his crotch. You shifted slightly, almost groaning as the mattress below you rubbed against your swollen folds.

“Tch, obviously. And I’m not going to deal with it in this filthy prison cell, so don’t make it worse brat,” Levi marvelled at your laugh. A proper, head thrown back laugh. He couldn’t stop the fond smile spreading across his face at the sight.

“Alright alright, I’ll stop eye-fuckinig you,” you managed to say, after regaining some sort of composure.

“You’re filthy,”

“Isn’t that why you’re about to bathe me?” you tilted your head slightly, watching him lift the basin from the sink after turning off the faucet. He didn’t deem your comment worthy of a response, opting instead to look back at you with a blank, deadpan expression. Tucking everything else under his arm, Levi returned back to your side. He thought for a moment about how he wanted to do this before, wedging the water basin between his legs.

“Lie back, place your head on my lap. Gonna’ wash your hair,” he instructed, busying himself with getting the small, brown bottle of hair soap. But he paused upon sensing your hesitation. Looking back to you, he searched your face, before slowly bringing his hand up.

You shied away, closing your eyes instinctively, almost bracing yourself for the contact that never came.

“Hey, not gonna touch you without permission, remember?” you opened your eyes to see his hand hovering next to your cheek. He was waiting for your next move, and you could see the slight hopeful spark in his eye.

So slowly, you tilted your head enough to gently nuzzle into his palm, your own hand coming up to keep him against your face.

Levi smoothed the skin under your eye with his thumb, trying his damndest not to let any tears well up in his eyes.

Unbeknownst to him, you were attempting to do the same. Not wanting him to see you cry for the third goddamn time tonight. But it became impossible when he said something you didn’t know you needed to hear.

“I missed you so much, firefly,” your breath hitched in your throat at the old nickname. He’d only ever use it in the softest moments in the Underground. Stroking your hair whilst lying in his bed. Staying up and keeping you company when you’d shoot awake from a nightmare. He was never one for nicknames, so one day when he, out of the blue, called you his firefly;

you’d almost cried.

Your eyes widened, hand gently squeezing his own to ground yourself. You let out something halfway between a laugh and a sob.

“I missed you too. So, so much,” you hardly had to move forward before your face was nestled in the crook of his neck, his arms slowly tucking you against his body. “I missed you so much,” you whispered again.

Levi didn’t think he’d ever been this happy, at least not for a long, long time. Ecstatic you felt comfortable enough to let him hold you. Though he was usually so good at keeping his feelings to himself, so much had happened over the last week, he felt the walls to his emotional dam cracking ever so slightly, a few tears lining his closed eyes. He could feel the collar of his shirt dampen as you shed silent tears, his thumb rubbing small circles against your back.

Levi held you like this for what felt like hours. Content to just be in each other’s arms once again. In reality, it had only been a few minutes before he gently shifted you so the back of your head rested against his lap.

“Never known you to be such a cry-baby,” he lightly teased, gathering what he could of your hair and soaking it within the basin still wedged between his knees.

“I’m not. I haven’t cried in years. Literally. Probably since Viper’s—” you stopped yourself, not expecting the casual statement to hurt quite as much as it did. “Viper’s death,” you finished quietly, eyes avoiding any direct contact with his own.

Levi took note of your tone change, reaching for the hair soap. He was only vaguely aware of the relationship between you and the old Nest leader. Finding out through those vile MPs.

“Want to talk about it?” The tone of his question matched yours as he lathered the gel into your now cleaner locks to make sure the grime and grease was properly dealt with.

“Honestly? Not yet. Maybe not ever. I don’t know. I haven’t spoken to anyone about it. Not even Prongs, or Wolf, and they were his Shadows before mine,” you fell silent for a moment, before looking back to him. “How did you do it? How did you just… leave everything behind?”

Levi sighed at the innocence of your question. The raw guilt he knew you were feeling. Knowing you were up here, safe, warm, comfortable, whilst so many people down there were still suffering. Still dying from easily preventable illnesses.

“I didn’t. Not really. I still find myself thinking back to those poor sods down there. But I couldn’t think about it for too long, because I would find myself thinking back to you,” his hand stroked the top of your now damp forehead, smoothing down the wet locks of your hair.

The basin sloshed slightly as you nodded, disheartened by the fact that this feeling of suffocating guilt would probably never leave you. Levi saw this in your face. He saw the exact same swirl of emotions he felt when he knew he would never return.

But you’d left behind so much more than he did. You had a trusted group. A family who would only know what happened to you through the words of that young girl.

“They’ll be safe, (Y/N). He may be an asshole sometimes, but I trust Erwin. He wouldn’t break his word,” running his hands through your soaked hair, Levi gently teased the knots out with his fingers, easily gliding through the now freed strands.

His reassurance calmed your worries. Levi hardly trusted anyone, you only ever knew him to trust Isobel, Farlan and yourself. This Erwin guy must have really made an impression.

Reaching back to the small flannel he’d brought down with him, he began drying your hair, setting the basin to one side. You didn’t think you’d ever felt this pampered. This well looked after. You thought you could certainly get used to it. Returning your thoughts to the conversation, you exhaled a sigh.

“Yeah, I know. It’s just… My job was to take care of them. My job was to stop something like this from happening. Our entire operation was compromised because my shitty partner couldn’t get over some grudge she had against a boy she’d never met,” you poked his chest as he rolled his eyes, looking down at you with a brow raised.

“So it’s my fault?”

“I didn’t say that,”

“You implied it,”

“Oh don’t be so sensitive,”

“I wasn’t the one who cheated,”

You almost sat bolt upright at that, if it weren’t for him anticipating the movement. What did he mean ‘cheat’? You didn’t cheat. You would never cheat. Loyalty ran through your veins like blood, and if you weren’t so incredulous you would have spotted the smallest hint of mischief in his steely eyes.

“Wh— Cheat? I didn’t cheat. What makes you think that?” your genuine concern broke his heart, and he almost felt bad for teasing you like this.

Almost.

Taking your face in both his hands, Levi failed to suppress the fugitive smirk on his face.

“We technically never broke up, brat,” you breathed a sigh of relief, before turning back to scowl at him, tempted to lightly smack the back of his head.

“Don’t fucking scare me like that, asshole,” your scowl held no heat, too relieved that he was just being pedantic rather than actually implying you would ever be disloyal. But your glare melted away at the rumble of a chuckle emitting from his chest. You rolled your eyes, trying your best to feign annoyance and failing miserably.

Removing the small towel from your now damp hair, Levi deemed it dry enough for you to sleep on without catching a cold.

“There. Think you can do the rest yourself? I don’t wanna… make you uncomfortable or anything,” it was your turn for your heart to break, his consideration for your comfort and wellbeing always seemed to be his top priority. You took his hand in yours, gently stroking your thumb over his knuckles.

“You’ve done more than enough,” earnest gratitude swam in your eyes and it was all Levi could do not to stoop down and kiss you.

Instead, he stayed put for a little while longer, stealing all the seconds he could. He’d realised, with you joining the Survey Corps, you two wouldn’t be able to do this anymore. The company you’d both enjoyed for the past week would be ripped away by expeditions, training and paperwork.

So he greedily took as much time as the two of you could spare, before you would inevitably have to part ways.

“I have to go, (Y/N),” Levi whispered, although every part of him was longing to stay, especially when your face slowly fell in realisation.

“I know,” you tried to mask your melancholy with a gentle smile, but your voice betrayed you, breaking slightly as you spoke. Neither of you wanted to be the one to move. Neither of you wanted to be the first to burst the protective bubble of familiarity you both knew you wouldn’t feel again for a long, long time.

But to save him from doing it himself, you were the one to shift, allowing him to rise from the bed.

“I’ll uh, leave all this here and collect it early in the morning,” Levi shifted slightly awkwardly on his feet, running a hand through his hair. You nodded, adjusting yourself carefully. Your midsection didn’t hurt as much, more of an echoing throb, but you were still cautious nonetheless.

“Right, yeah. Probably a good idea, before anyone sees,” you shrugged, avoiding having to look at his face. You knew it would break both of you if you’d asked whether there was any chance of him staying.

Just for a little while longer.

“I’ll see you soon… Raven,” you felt your soul crack as he replaced your name with your alias. You knew it was right. You knew it was for the best. But that wouldn’t stop every fiber of your being shattering.

Levi hated how you said nothing as he turned to leave. He pretended not to notice your heartbreak as he deliberately called you Raven. He suppressed the urge to pick you up and take you with him. To carry you to his bed and cage you in his arms as you both fell asleep in each other’s embrace.

He didn’t know your prolonged silence was because you were gathering your courage. Silently arguing with yourself over what was right and what was wrong until you stopped him by calling his name.

“Levi…” There was no turning back now. You took a breath, finally raising your eyes to meet his now on the other side of the bars. “I—” love you.

You immediately stopped yourself, finding those three words caught in your throat. You couldn’t say them. Shit, you couldn’t say them.

You were a coward.

“Thank you,”

Levi stayed searching your face. He knew. He knew that wasn’t what you wanted to say. Because that wasn’t what he wanted to hear. He let loose a breath he didn’t know he was holding, giving you one last look of badly masked longing, before turning away.

“Training starts tomorrow,” though the words themselves were cold, his tone was laced with mourning as his footsteps echoed out of earshot, leaving you completely and utterly alone.

Levi had managed all but three steps into the hallway before his name was called by an irritatingly familiar voice.

“Ah, Levi. Good. My office. Now, if you’re not busy,” Erwin had a way of saying ‘if you’re not busy’ that sounded like he was really saying ‘there is absolutely no debate in this, you could be bleeding out and missing an arm and I would still expect you in my office within the next five minutes’. Levi knew he didn’t exactly have a choice.

“Sure. Let me make some tea and I’ll be right there,” he knew he’d made a mistake. The look in Erwin’s cerulean eyes told him that the tall blonde had figured something out. Something dangerous that could compromise his relationship with you.

Actually, he’d probably figured out he had a relationship with you.

Shit…

He was in so much trouble.

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robininthelabyrinth · 3 years

Text

Targets - ao3

- Chapter 4 -

Jiang Yanli wasn’t sure her parents had ever agreed on anything, ever, in her life, but they were in complete accord now that Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng were missing.

Admittedly, that was the only thing they agreed on – that they were missing, not dead, not dead – but it was a good start.

It had all started when that strange woman with the very ordinary face had arrived, she thought. It’d been late when she first arrived, after Jiang Yanli’s parents had stopped receiving audiences; they’d asked her to wait until morning and then got busy and didn’t receive her until nearly midday, even though the woman had been pacing around anxiously in the waiting hall. And then there was a whole lot of arguing before finally they sent out some disciples to go check –

The disciples returned, pale-faced, and reported on what they’d found: a pool with signs of swimming, a spilled but empty lunchbox, and the bodies of seven men, covered in cloaks to suggest an identity as rogue cultivators but wearing Wen sect insignia underneath.

No sign of Wei Wuxian or Jiang Cheng.

Everything had very quickly gone to shouting after that.

Jiang Yanli was worried, too, of course, but she was only thirteen and a poor cultivator besides, average in every respect – looks, skills, power – and no one ever listened to her; she knew she couldn’t do anything. She couldn’t give orders to go search with a solemn expression that she’d never before seen on her father’s face, eyes filled with panic and shoulders bowed with premature grief, the worst result already expected even as he denied the possibility of it; she couldn’t stalk around with so much rage that it felt like the onset of a thunderstorm like her mother, making sure that everyone was doing everything they could. She could only wait patiently by the gate to see if anyone came back.

Maybe it was her patience paying off, or maybe it was just luck, but she was the first one to see the cultivator arrive, late into the night. It wasn’t very ceremonious – he didn’t announce himself or anything, just swooped down with his saber until it was close to the ground, released the bundles he was holding in his arms, took a step forward and then collapsed onto his knees, face pale.

“Da-ge!” four voices shouted, distressed, and two of them were extremely familiar.

Jiang Yanli jumped to her feet and rushed forward, still disbelieving but overwhelmingly joyous. “A-Cheng! A-Xian!”

“Jiejie!” “Shijie!” they shouted, and she was so happy to see them, so happy, but they didn’t seem anywhere near as worried as she’d been; instead, they started talking at the same time. “You have to get someone, he’s used up too much spiritual energy –” “I can’t believe he carried us that far, and back, and after such a long trip, too –” “And a fight! Maybe he got injured?” “Impossible! But we should get a doctor just in case –” “Yes, and soup – shijie, can you make some –”

“Enough,” the cultivator rasped, lifting his hands to his face and rubbing it. He looked exhausted. “Thank you for your concern, all of you. I will see Sect Leader Jiang first.”

“It won’t make for much of a talk if you fall over!” one of the children she didn’t recognize said – the younger one, about her brothers’ ages, face full of baby fat. “Meng-gege, you’re older, tell him –”

The remaining child was about her age, if she had to guess, although he was short and looked gentle.

“Nie-gongzi is right,” he murmured – his accent sounded more Yunmeng than Qinghe, even if the oversized outer layer he was wearing looked more like Qinghe Nie than anything else. It probably belonged to the cultivator that had brought him, judging from the size. “You will not be able to make your case if you are unconscious.”

“I’m fine,” the cultivator insisted, and staggered up to his feet. “There’s no time, there’s still Lanling –”

There was no way this cultivator was flying all the way to Lanling.

“My parents will see you,” she interrupted. “They’ll be very happy to see A-Cheng and A-Xian are all right.”

They were, too, and Jiang Yanli assumed that only pride kept them from running over to grab them into an embrace – Jiang Cheng did run to their mother, and Wei Wuxian followed close behind to go beam at her father – but they were very puzzled to see the cultivator.

“Sect Leader Nie?” Jiang Yanli’s father said, and Jiang Yanli blinked: was that who her brothers’ savior was? “What are you doing here?”

“I received information,” he said. “Regarding the Wen sect –”

“We heard something similar,” Jiang Yanli’s mother said shortly, and glared at her husband.

“Unfortunately, we initially disregarded the warning of our spy,” he admitted. “And then we found the Wen sect cultivators’ bodies…your doing, I take it?”

Sect Leader Nie looked embarrassed for a moment, but then squared his shoulders. “Yes,” he said. “I was flying in to speak with you when I saw the attack taking place, and intervened.”

“They were coming at us with their swords!” Wei Wuxian exclaimed. “There was one right in front of my face, and then da-ge dropped down from the sky with his saber and – bam! Woosh! Urk!”

“Wei Wuxian!” Jiang Yanli’s mother snapped, though not as harshly as usual. It was almost long-suffering rather than cross. “Have some respect for Sect Leader Nie!”

“It’s fine,” Sect Leader Nie said. “I don’t mind. Are you prepared for invasion?”

“Invasion?” Jiang Yanli’s father said, frowning. “You think –”

“Wen Ruohan had given orders that the sect heirs of all the Great Sects be kidnapped or killed, not to mention your ward here and a few sundry others,” Sect Leader Nie said. “What is that if not a declaration of outright war? Surely he’d know that such a move, if successful, would lead to us all declaring war on him – he must have a next move planned out already.”

Jiang Yanli’s parents exchanged looks.

Sect Leader Nie pretended (badly) not to see it. “I’ve activated defenses in the Unclean Realm,” he said stiffly. “As you know, I’ve always thought…well. At any rate, we’ve made plenty of preparations, and they’re being put into action now. If it would be convenient, I was thinking of sheltering some of the targets there – I’ve already invited the Lan boys – and it would be no difficulty to have yours as well.”

He’d already assumed that they wouldn’t be prepared, Jiang Yanli thought, and saw her parents hear that unspoken message as well. He’d known they wouldn’t take the threat seriously and acted accordingly, and it was only due to his decisiveness that her brothers were still alive.

Her parents looked at each other again, gazes full of meaning.

��Very well,” Jiang Yanli’s father said after a long moment, voice heavy. “I will have to prevail upon your kindness, Sect Leader Nie.”

“Think nothing of it,” Sect Leader Nie said, and then frowned. “My concern is in regard to Lanling Jin...they have closer ties to Qishan Wen than either of us, and may discount the information, especially if it comes from me –”

“I’ll go,” Jiang Yanli’s mother said at once. “Madame Jin is my childhood friend. She will listen to me, provided it’s not already too late.”

Sect Leader Nie’s eyes flickered, but he didn’t say anything, just nodded. “He may as well come to the Unclean Realm as well,” he said. “Lanling City is large and Jinlin Tower spacious and luxurious, but there are many holes through which a snake might burrow.”

“I’ll bring him,” Jiang Yanli’s mother said. “Yanli can come with me.”

Jiang Yanli looked up, surprised. “Me?”

“You’re an heir, too,” her mother said. “You might not have been on the list, but you’re still at risk, especially if there’s going to be a war – greater risk, even. Anyway, Madame Jin will be more inclined to send her son to a safe place if she thought it was a way to build ties.”

The Jin sect heir was Jiang Yanli’s future fiancé. She supposed it was a good idea to meet him – and at least this way, she’d be going to the Unclean Realm with Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng, rather than staying behind.

“You should get something warm to wear,” Wei Wuxian advised her. “It’s cold when you fly!”

Jiang Yanli had developed her golden core just this year, right on schedule, so she doubted it, but she appreciated his consideration.

“Really cold,” the child in Nie sect colors said – the smaller one, since the older child, the Yunmeng one, was doing his best impression of a transparent plane of glass. “And we’ve been flying forever – we flew all night to get here from home, you know, and that was before da-ge fought seven Wen sect cultivators. And then we had to fly even more! Someone said something about soup. I want soup!”

“You should rest,” Jiang Yanli’s father said to Sect Leader Nie, abruptly sounding concerned. “Do you or any of yours require a doctor..?”

“Something to eat and some rest will be sufficient,” Sect Leader Nie said, which was probably a lie. “I’ll want to head out first thing in the morning, traveling by flight – I know it’s uncomfortable for the young ones, but I want to be back at my sect as soon as possible. You can send any additional luggage after us by horse.”

There was more talking then - mostly about how crazy Sect Leader Nie was to think he could make such a long flight with so many children, and, when he insisted, making him promise he’d take many breaks along the way - but luckily not much, and then there was saluting and Jiang Yanli was being swept away by her mother to go to Lanling City.

She knew it was wrong to be excited by the prospect of war, but she couldn’t help it. What an adventure!

#mdzs #jiang yanli #wei wuxian #jiang cheng #nie mingjue #nie huaisang #jiang fengmian #yu ziyuan #madame yu #my fic #my fics #targets

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sunrisefairy · 3 years

Text

Last chances

Pairing: George Weasley x reader Warning: Alcohol, swearing, angst (but worth it i promise) Summary: Y/N is getting married. To someone that isn’t George.

A/N: this was written for @inglourious-imagines 1K writing challenge (i just realised i didnt tell you before hand what prompts i was gonna do so i hope thats okay) based off the prompts ‘you need to leave’ and ‘d-did you just k-kiss me?’

Taglist: @hufflepuff5972 @inglourious-imagines @klausdatprettyboi @georgeweasleyswhre @horrorxweasley @amourtentiaa send me an ask if you would like to be added

———————————————————————————————————

George felt all the air being sucked out of his lungs as he read over the golden cursive words printed onto the crisp white paper. He could feel Fred’s pitiful stare burning holes into the side of his head, but he couldn’t tear his eyes away from the paper in his grasp. George’s brain was overflowing with thoughts, but his head was empty at the same time, as if every time he reached out his thoughts were dissolving into liquid and slipping through his fingers.

By the time George managed to make eye contact with Fred, his eyes were red and burning with tears, the only thought he could wrap his fingers around was the one which was destroying him the most, “she’s getting married?”

~~~

The sun was beating down harshly making the sand feel like tiny grains of lava, but George didn’t care. It was the middle of summer and the Weasley family had invited the Y/L/N’s to the beach. John and Nancy Y/L/N had been very good friends with Molly and Arthur Weasley for many years having met during high school. But soon after graduation John and Nancy got married and decided to travel the world which they had done for a few years before having their daughter Y/N. They moved around a lot while Y/N was a baby, still wanting to explore and see what the world had to offer. But now, Y/N was 7 and they decided it would do her and themselves some good to settle down somewhere, plant some roots so to speak. Which is how they ended back in the small town John and Nancy grew up in, the one where the Weasleys were still living.

Giving that it was summer, and the weather was reaching high temperatures the Weasley family decided to spend the day at the beach so the children could kill some energy and excitedly invited their old friends, John and Nancy to catch up.

George was particularly thrilled not only because he loved days at the beach playing with his siblings and making sandcastles just to pretend he was a giant and stomp on them, but he couldn’t wait to meet Y/N. His parents had told him and Fred that Y/N was their age and although Fred wasn’t very interested in playing with a girl and would much rather prank Ron, George had a good feeling about Y/N.

George had just finished constructing a sandcastle he named ‘Castle Weasley’ and was about to jump on it when his mum calls for him. He drags his bare feet through the hot sand over to his parents who are chatting with 2 people he doesn’t recognise.

“Fred, George this is John and Nancy, and this is their little girl Y/N.” Molly gestures to the timid girl hiding behind her mum’s leg.

Reluctantly Y/N moves from her previous hiding spot and stares doe eyes up at the twins in front of her. George’s mouth is dry and his palms are clammy, but he doesn’t think it’s from the blistering heat. George Weasley is staring at the most beautiful girl he’s ever seen.

~~~

It’s been 3 weeks since Y/N’s wedding invitation arrived in the mail and George had shoved it under a pile of bills he was also planning to ignore. Although he doesn’t need to see the invitations to remember the words which were written on the paper ‘kindly join us for the wedding of Y/N L/N and William Chapman. Saturday the seventeenth of April at 11 o’clock.’

It was the 10th of April today, just 7 days till Y/N’s wedding. George felt bile rising in the back of his throat every time he thinks about Y/N marrying someone which wasn’t himself. George has had a crush on the girl ever since he first met her that day on the beach. Back then he only ever saw it as a silly little crush which he hoped he’d eventually get over. But years went on and his crush only grew and grew until it was suffocating. When they reached high school, George planned to tell Y/N about his feelings but chickened out each time, scared of ruining their friendship.

To be honest George always felt (maybe he just hoped) that him and Y/N were meant for each other and sooner or later they’d be together. He held tightly onto this when Y/N started dating William. George was optimistic that William and Y/N’s relationship wasn’t serious and eventually they’d break up and George could finally confess his feelings. All of that went down the drain the second George open up that stupid envelope.

“I ran into Y/N today. At the store,” Fred says carefully trying to gage his brother’s reaction to her name. George just offers a grunt in response, eye staring blankly at the tv in front of him. “she asked about you, wants to know if you’re going to the wedding since she hasn’t heard anything from you.”

George doesn’t reply. Fred just sighs, ”c’mon mate. You’re really not going to go? It’s Y/N we’re talking about here. She’s your best mate.”

George racks his ringers through his already messy hair, squeezing his eyes closed. “That’s exactly why I can’t go. It’s Y/N. How can I sit there and watch Y/N marry some other guy and pretend I’m okay with it?” George feels tears threatening to fall down his cheeks, it’s a wonder he has any tears left to cry.

Fred moves closer to George on the couch, wrapping his arm around his twin who chokes out a sob, “I know buddy, I know it fucking hurts.”

~~~

Since graduating high school George and Y/N made it tradition to catch up once a week if not more so they wouldn’t lose touch. But their newfound busy lives with university and work meant they hadn’t seen each other for a month. They finally found a day that they were both free and decided to meet up for coffee. George had paid for Y/N’s latte while she found them a table by the window. He set their drinks down admiring how beautiful Y/N looked, she was practically glowing.

“So, Y/N what’s new with you? I feel like it’s been forever since I’ve seen you,” George takes a long sip of his coffee.

George knows Y/N must have some important news for him, judging solely off the smile that she’s failing to conceal. “Well, if you must know. I met someone.”

The colour drains from George’s face and he coughs trying to regain his composure. “Like a boy?”

“Yes a boy silly, his name is William and I met him at the library. It was actually really funny I was turning down one of the aisles and he” George drowns out Y/N’s voice, he can hear his heart thumping in his chest, threatening to jump out.

George knows, he knows it’s his own fault for not telling Y/N how he feels sooner. He knows he doesn’t have anyone else to blame but himself, but it doesn’t make this hurt any less. Sweet, kind Y/N, who had gently cradled George’s heart unknowingly since they were 7, has squeezed it between her slender fingers like a stress ball.

“George?” Y/N words break him from his trance.

“That sounds amazing Y/N, I’m really happy for you.”

~~~

It’s Monday and Y/N has been trying to contact George for days with no luck. She ran into Fred last Saturday who said George has just been super busy with work, she didn’t believe it one bit, she needed to find out why George has been ignoring her.

She pushes the store door open and the bell above chimes announcing her arrival.

“Sorry we’re closed for the day!” a voice travels through the store before it’s owner exits the storeroom to see who the culprit is, who clearly cannot read the ‘closed’ sign hanging on the door.

George’s eyes land on Y/N who is standing by the front door unmoving and twiddling with her fingers, playing with an engagement ring that seems out of place on her left hand. “What are you doing here?”

Y/N steps closer, not noticing the way George takes a small step back, “I feel like I haven’t seen you in forever.”

George doesn’t speak, he’s certain that his voice would be unsteady if he did. Y/N hates the silence, so speaks again, “I’m getting married you know, on Saturday.”

George sucks in a breath, turning his back to fix one of the displays. “Yeah, congratulations,” he mumbles.

“I didn’t know if you got the invitation or not, kind of expected you to call.” Y/N shoves her hands into the pockets of her jeans, moving so she is standing beside George who is avoiding her gaze. “What’s the matter Georgie?”

George shakes his head, “kind of fast isn’t it? Why the rush to get married to that twat?”

Y/N rolls her eyes, ever since George met William, he made it very clear he didn’t like the bloke. “George stop it. He proposed and I said yes. We figured why wait to start our lives together, y’know? So on Saturday I thought that-“

“-I’m not going.” George’s words felt like a hot knife to Y/N’s chest. When George finally mets her gaze he continues, “I’m not going to the wedding Y/N.”

“Why?”

“Because! Because William is a prick and doesn’t deserve you. I can’t sit there and watch you marry some idiot.” George knows his voice is getting louder and that his hands are flailing around but he doesn’t care. “He’s an absolute tosser! You deserve better than William.” You deserve me.

“William has done nothing but love me, George.” The thought of George not being there at her wedding breaks her heart. George was her best friend; how could she not have her best friend at the wedding. “Are you really not going to be there for me?” Y/N’s voice is quiet and timid.

It shatters George to see her so upset and the next words almost kill him.

“No, I won’t be there.”

~~~

Click.

“Okay mum that’s enough photos now!” Y/N giggles trying to hide her face behind her hands.

“Just one more please! George put your arm around her this time.” Nancy says holding the camera up to her face.

George wraps his arm around Y/N waist pulling her closer to him very aware of the way Y/N leans into his side. It’s the night on the school dance and somehow he had gathered enough courage to ask Y/N to go with him, she agreed of course and now they were standing out the front of Y/N’s house in front of the rose bushes while Y/N and George’s parents took photos.

“Okay now one with the four of you together,” Molly says pushing Fred and his date over to the rose bush. The four of them stood together smiling at all the flashing cameras which almost blinded them.

Molly wipes a tear that slips down her cheek, she always got emotional during things like this, “I cannot believe my little babies are growing up. 16 and going to a school dance with their gorgeous dates.”

“Right mum that’s enough, we’re gonna be late,” George groans although he didn’t mind having his arm around Y/N’s middle.

Molly nods agreeing, “right fine! Don’t want to keep you from your dance, have fun!”

Arthur drops the 4 of them off at the school hall reminding them he’d be back at 12 to pick them up.

All 4 of them spend most of the night dancing together and laughing at Fred’s questionable dance moves. Soon the upbeat song comes to an end and a much slowly one started playing. Immediately Fred extends a hand to his date, “m’lady. Care to dance?”

George turns his body to face Y/N who is gazing up at his tall frame, he gulps “Y/N do you wanna dance with me?”

The smile that spreads across her face could light up the room, “yes please.”

For the remainder of the night George and Y/N sway slowly to the music, Y/N moves closer to George until her head is resting against his chest and his arms find their place on her hips.

Y/N can hear George humming to the music above her and she smiles giving his shoulders a small squeeze, then whispers so quietly she’s worried George doesn’t hear her. “I hope we are always best friends Georgie.”

“I promise we will be love.”

~~~

Friday night and George hasn’t spoken to Y/N since she visited the shop. He’s ignored her phone calls and text messages; she came into the shop again on Wednesday, but George locked himself in the backroom telling Fred he had to do stocktake.

George could feel himself falling apart, Y/N was upset with him, Fred was annoyed at his childish behaviour. George felt himself fall deeper and deeper as his heartache and sorrow grew stronger every time he remembered Y/N’s engagement. The only thing which seems to numb his feelings was the alcohol.

At this point George wasn’t sure how much he had had to drink, but the buzz running through his system was better than the bitterness he was feeling before. It had just hit 11:30pm at night and he had finished the last of the tequila from the bottle. With no alcohol to distract his brain his eyes drift over the numerous photo frames he has hanging on the living room wall. His eyes stop at one photo in particular, it’s of him and Y/N from the day at the beach when they were 7. Despite it being the first time the two had met, they looked like they’d known each other since birth. Y/N had been very shy when she was introduced to the twins, but George quickly made her feel comfortable and the day was spent with lots of laughter and smiles. In the photo George and Y/N are stood side by side on the sand, grinning up at the camera. They had just made a huge sandcastle village and were very proud to show off their creation. George’s eyes wander down the photograph to their hands which are tightly intertwined. He bites his lip before stumbling out the front door.

~~~

“Do you ever think about getting married Georgie?” Y/N questions, she’s lying beside George outside on the grass, staring up at the clouds moving above them. They did this a lot, gazing at the sky trying to find the funniest shapes in the clouds.

George is only 12 but he knows exactly who he wants to marry, not that he will admit that.

“No, not really.” George tries not to freak out when he feels Y/N’s hand intertwine with his own, “do you?”

Y/N nods, “yep, I want to marry someone who is funny and will let me eat ice cream for dinner.” She giggles and it makes George’s heart soar, it the 5 years of knowing Y/N it had quickly become George’s favourite sound.

He turns his head to face Y/N, she’s still looking up at the sky, there’s a faint smile on her lips.

“I’m funny.” George isn’t sure what he’s insinuating.

Y/N turns to face him, “you are. Would you let me eat ice cream for dinner?” he nods eagerly.

Y/N purses her lips before smiling, “well then Georgie, maybe I’ll marry you.”

George can only hope that’s true.

~~~

George’s fist hammers against the wooden door. It knows it late and there’s a chance William will answer instead of Y/N but in this moment he doesn’t care. “C’mon Y/N open up! It’s me George.”

The door swings open and Y/N is standing on the other side in a fluffy dressing gown wrapped snuggly around her body rubbing her eyes. “George what the hell are you doing here?” There’s a trace of annoying on her voice, mostly because he’d woken her up but also because she’s been trying to talk to him all week and he decides to show up at her house at midnight the night before her wedding.

“I-um,” George stammers, his words getting stuck in this throat. He has spent practically his whole life wanting to tell Y/N he loves her but never being able to find the words, this time was no exception. So, in George’s alcohol fuelled mind he decides if he can’t use words then actions are the next best thing.

Y/N is staring blanking at the redhead on her porch, eager to know the reason why he’s standing in front of her after ignoring her all week. George timidly steps closer towards Y/N before resting his hands on her cheeks and pressing their lips together roughly.

Y/N is stood frozen on the spot until her hands reach up to rest on George’s chest. She can taste the strong alcohol on Georges mouth, and she’s pulled back to reality and pushing him away. “D-did you just k-kiss me?”

George nods.

Y/N is filled with anger and it starts to bubble up inside of her. “What the fuck George? You’ve been ignoring me all week not answering my calls or texts and-and then you just come here drunk and do that? You can’t come here the night before my wedding and kiss me. It’s not fair!”

George’s shoulders slump, “I’m sorry, I just had to say- that I…” he pauses again, his eyes scanning over Y/N’s face hoping somehow she’s learnt how to mind read.

“What? You had to say what George?” Y/N is aware that she’s yelling but she can’t bring herself to care.

“That I love you.”

Y/N doesn’t speak her brain is running a hundred miles a minute. The silence is unpleasant and unbearable, George looking into Y/N’s eyes trying to read her expression.

“You need to leave,” Y/N utters, her face unmoving.

It’s like George’s feet are glued to the ground, he’s brain is screaming at him to move but he can’t.

“You need to leave George.” Y/N’s voice is firmer this time, “I’m getting married tomorrow and you need to leave right now.”

~~~

George Weasley is an idiot. No, he’s more than an idiot, George Weasley is a dickhead, plain and simple.

He hadn’t been able to fall asleep when he got home, he kept replaying the night over and over. Every time he closed his eyes, he was met with Y/N staring back at him. Except she’s staring with so much disgust it makes George feel sick, he can still hear Y/N’s voice telling him to leave. George Weasley not only managed to lose the life of his life in one night but also his best friend. He feels like a dickhead.

George glances over at the clock next to his bed. 10:30 am. Y/N is getting married in 30 minutes. His chest pains, he thinks he might throw up.

George staggers out of bed and towards the kitchen, he needs water. His journey is interrupted by a harsh knock from the front door. He sighs, he knew Fred would come around to try and convince him to go to the wedding. George figures he couldn’t go to the wedding even if he wanted to, sure that his invitation was no longer valid after last night.

“Fred, seriously I’m not going,” George flings open the door and he almost passes out.

Y/N was standing there looking like an angel, he thinks maybe he died from alcohol poisoning and was actually in heaven. Y/N’s hair was laying loosely across her shoulders, she was wearing a breathtaking white gown which hugged her body perfectly.

George mouth is gaping open his voice coming out breathless and in a whisper, “what-what are you doing here?” He’s half expecting Y/N to slap him across the face for his antics last night.

“I couldn’t do it,” Y/N also whispers, as if this is a secret conversation, only meant for the two of them.

“Why?” George squeaks.

“Because I love you.”

Y/N steps closer and drapes her arms around George’s neck pulling him closer so their foreheads are resting against each other.

As soon as she woke up this morning Y/N felt ill. It wasn’t until she was standing in her wedding dress by the church did she realise why she felt sick. It was because the man that was waiting for her inside the church wasn’t George. Her mum sensed her daughters doubts and offered a comforting hand on her shoulder, “darling, you tell me right now if you want out. I’ll get a car, I’ll sort out this whole thing, you won’t have to worry about a thing.”

Without thinking Y/N had responded, “I want out mum.” That lead to Y/N zooming away in her dad’s car straight for George’s place.

Y/N gazes into George’s warm and gentle eyes, she felt home, “I love you even though you’re an idiot who waited to tell me you loved me till the night before my wedding to someone else.”

George chuckles, “yeah I guess I am but I’m your idiot.”

#inglourious1kwritingchallenge #George Weasley #George Weasley x reader #George Weasley x you #George Weasley Angst #George Weasley fluff #George Weasley oneshot #George Weasley one shot #George weasley fanfiction #Writing challenge

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folkloreguk · 4 years

Text

French Class [1]

A/N: Hello friends I hope everyone is doing alright, I haven’t posted writing in ages but here I am finally! Enjoy! <3

words: 8.3 k

genre: smut, optional bias (male) x reader (female), college!AU, very lowkey enemies to lovers/friends???, fuckboy!bias, nerd!reader

(H/N means “his name”)

✽series masterlist✽

[urban dictionary: In Germany, “She speaks French," is slang for "she sucks dick really good."]

“I’ve never seen you around here,” he had said.

“I usually prefer spending time with my textbooks rather than with people,” you had said, truthfully.

“So, you must be really smart then. Maybe you could teach me a thing or two,” he had said. His look had told you exactly what he was talking about. His look also told you that every girl he approached fell for him in an instant, and that he left them speechless just by smirking and smothering honey around their lips. He most certainly hadn’t noticed you until now, but you surely had been watching him flirt with everyone in sight. Girls dropped their eyelids and winked at him innocently, as if he was some kind of prince in shining armor. However, the way they treated him, as if they were auditioning to spend the night with him, made you believe he might just be really good in bed. And coincidentally, that was exactly what you were looking for. If you went out once in a while, you might as well make the most of it, right?

“I’m fluent in French, if that’s what you’re interested in,” you said calmly. He almost choked on his drink as he put the cup down on the kitchen counter. When he saw you copying his smirk from earlier, he must have realized he had no choice. You had won the audition.

Those were the exact events leading up to the situation you were currently in. On your knees, hands and lips wrapped around his dick, tears burning in your eyes. He was leaning against the closed door of his room, hands buried in your hair. His roommate wasn’t at home, but the walls of his dorm didn’t seem to be too thick either way. He didn’t seem to have a problem with his neighbors knowing what he got up to on a Saturday night. Groans and curse words kept falling from his mouth, whenever your tongue swirled around the tip of his member. Now and then it hit the back of your throat, but you were determined enough to keep going. When you looked up at him, he bit his lip almost as if he was in agony. Saliva was dripping down your chin but seeing him this way was too hot to stop just now.

“I’m so close, fuck-“ he moaned. Then you changed your mind. He hissed as you pulled away, wiped the saliva and pre-cum off your mouth and kissed your way up his chest.

“Are you sure you want to cum yet? If you return the favor, I’ll let you cum someplace else,” you whispered into his ear. You saw him swallow visibly at your words and he nodded, pulling you over to his bed. You saved him the work of having to take off your shirt and bra, before you fell onto your back on the mattress. He hovered over you for a moment, pulled his shirt over his head and then bent down to kiss you. You hadn’t really made out for a long time before you had decided to drop to your knees in front of him, but you had to admit now, he was a really good kisser. Had you not been so needy, you could have kept making out with him for a while. But instead you whined against his lips and pulled his hair.

“What?” he teased you. “Not so mouthy now, are we?”

“Hurry up and touch me,” you said. “Please.”

“Only because you asked so nicely,” he grinned. When you looked at his smile, you realized again why girls would go crazy over him. And he was as talented with his lips as he was good-looking. His teeth grazed over your nipples and he squeezed your hips while you squirmed underneath him, only wanting more. The way he sucked on your skin let you know you would have some marks to hide the next day. You almost felt dizzy at how his hot breath fanned over the skin on your lower stomach. Eagerly, you looked at him.

“You weren’t this impatient when you were sucking me off five minutes ago,” he said. You were one hundred percent sure he was taking extra long when he took off your pants and underwear.

“I just didn’t show it then,” you admitted. He chuckled at your honest words. Then, he slid one of his fingers along your folds, collecting your wetness. He cursed when he noticed just how much you wanted him by now. Before you could form any words, he dropped his head, his tongue following the path his finger had just taken. Your body shuddered when his hot muscle touched your clit and you moaned in relief. And still, you had to admit just how skilled he was. By the way he flicked his tongue over your center and watched and listened to your reactions, he had figured out your sweet spot in no time. You grabbed the blanket you were lying on, head hanging back and eyes closed in bliss. Slowly, he pushed his middle finger past your entrance. Instantly, you sucked in a breath, as he curled it against your walls in an agonizingly slow rhythm. For a moment, you noticed the noise of the party that was going on outside of the room. It felt as if it was miles away, and not just on the other side of the wall.

“More,” you whimpered, and you could practically feel him smirk against your center. When he added another finger, he also sped up the pace, making you see small stars dancing behind your eyelids. He alternated between drawing random figure eights and sucking on your clit, the change in intensity keeping you right on the edge the entire time.

“You’re so good at this, fuck,” you moaned.

“You’re welcome,” he muttered against your skin and you only wanted him more than before. His hands were holding your thighs, lips glued against your center with his tongue pressed onto your clit harshly. And still, you wanted even more.

“Fuck me,” you whimpered through moans. “Please.”

As much as you hated when he pulled away from you, if in exchange you could get something even better, you’d deal with it.

“Please?” he mocked you, as he made his way back to your face by leaving open mouthed kisses on your body. “You’re so cute.”

Swiftly, he reached over to the nightstand, picking up a condom.

“Then I hope you’re into cute girls,” you said as you watched him put it on. He grinned famously when he hovered on top of you. One of your hands reached down to guide his length to your entrance.

“They cute ones are my favorites,” he said cockily. But the moment he had entered you, his smirk changed into a different expression. A groan fell from his lips and he clenched his jaws tightly. He wasted no time in picking up the pace quickly, as the only words forming in your head were curses. His hips snapped against yours roughly while he grabbed your sides tightly, almost as if he wanted to pull you even closer to him.

“You feel so fucking good-“ you said, or rather moaned, your toes curling at the amount of pleasure you were experiencing.

“Yeah? I’ll make you feel even better,” he said. Lazily, he picked up one of your legs, pushing your thigh towards your stomach. The angle only made everything feel much more intense, and you whimpered at the sudden change. Again, you cursed as you felt your orgasm approach quickly.

“Am I being too rough?” he asked, biting his lip as he slowed down for a moment. You almost laughed.

“No way,” you said, and he grinned for a moment. From then on, he only fucked you faster and every time he buried his member deeply inside of you, you could only whimper at how good he felt. It was as if he was making sure you didn’t need to regret coming to this party for one second. When you told him how close you were to coming, he seemed to only take it as an invite to completely let go of all control. You wouldn’t be at all surprised if you were struggling to walk normally the next day. You closed your eyes tightly, chasing only one feeling. When you finally fell over the edge, your legs tightened around his hips and your moans became high-pitched. He kept going while your back arched off the mattress and you slowly rode out your orgasm. Not wanting you to feel overly sensitive, he pulled out, stroking himself quickly. You could tell he was just as close judging by the way his mouth hung open and his eyelids seemed to get heavy. You swatted his hand away, doing the job for him instead. He only groaned louder at your touch, and only a few seconds later you felt him twitch in your hands as he came. He looked even hotter now, fucked out and small moans coming from his lips. For a while you helped him come down from his high, feeling the aftereffect of your own orgasm. Tiredness overcame you, but there was no way you were spending the night. You had sworn to yourself, you would enjoy tonight but the next day you would get back to your textbooks.

“I hope we can do this again some time,” he smirked. Even though you could have told him he won’t be seeing you at a party any time soon, you agreed.

“I wouldn’t mind,” you smiled, while you looked around for your clothes. You weren’t lying, but maybe giving him empty hope, nonetheless.

When you left, the party was less crowded. You made your way through the dorm building and then took the shortest way across the college campus to your own dorms. When you arrived in your room, your roommate was still up. Tonight, you had switched roles. Usually, she was the one stumbling home half-drunk from parties every weekend while you buried your head in your notes. But she had a test to study for and had procrastinated for way too long. So, you had scolded her for not studying when she was supposed to. In return, she had complained how you never went out, and she had convinced you that she would stay behind and study if in exchange you went out and got some.

“Ugh!” she groaned when you walked in. “Please tell me you at least had a good time, because it feels like I’m dying here.”

“Oh, I had a gracious time,” you sang happily. Only now you realized, you didn’t even know the guy’s name. You already knew your roommate was going to make fun of you for it.

“I’m done for tonight,” she decided, and you rolled your eyes. “Give me some juicy details.”

“You know I don’t kiss and tell,” you said.

“Y/N, come on! At least tell me what he looked like!”

So, you explained him in great detail. The way he looked, but also his ability to make girls basically crawl after him, and his smirk you had grown familiar to in such a short while. With every detail you added, her eyes seemed to widen. Suddenly, she stopped you mid-sentence.

“Wait. Is his name H/N?”

“Honestly, I didn’t ask for it,” you said and laughed at yourself before she could.

“You are insane,” she laughed. “But this is serious. I’m like 99% sure you’re describing H/N.”

“So, what about him?” you asked.

“What about him? He’s only the most popular guy ever? And in my opinion, also one of the hottest guys I’ve ever seen. Apparently, he never hooks up with the same girl twice.”

“Well, he wasn’t ugly, I can tell you that,” you said, not really caring about his reputation. “And with me, he won’t even get the chance to. I’m not going to a party again soon. I’ve got exams coming up.”

“And here I was thinking you had fun,” she laughed. You only laughed and waved her off, getting ready to go to sleep.

But as much as you had planned how you would have forgotten about him within days, you didn’t. And it didn’t exactly help that he suddenly popped up in random places, wherever you went. It was like those times you learned a new word in a foreign language and suddenly noticed it everywhere. You’d see him walking across campus, at the café near the lecture halls, and in the buildings of your university. You never talked to him, but your friend always made sure you noticed him, by shaking your shoulder. Sometimes you thought she was more shocked to see him than you were.

But one, then two weeks went by and you found it easier to cut him off your mind. You spent more time studying, but still making sure you took breaks by going places with your roommate and binge watching your favorite tv shows in the evenings. Everything had gone back to normal in your head. Until that one day. You had just taken a shower and were about to jump into bed, when your roommate burst open the door.

“You’re back from the party? Already?” you asked.

“I’m here to pick you up,” she said. “You’re coming with me to this party.”

“I’m sorry what? I’m going to sleep, not to a party.”

“Y/N!” she almost yelled. “He asked for you!”

“Who?” you asked, and as if on cue, you yawned.

“H/N!” she raised her voice, but then seemed to realize what time it was. “I thought he was going to flirt with me, and no offense I’m happy for you, but if you don’t come with me, you’re ungrateful.”

You laughed.

“Because I’m not jumping at the chance to get with him? Who does he think he is? God?” you asked. “Like I said, I’m going to bed. Go back and take your chances with him, if you want him so badly.”

Your friend couldn’t believe it. It wasn’t like you hadn’t had fun when you had hooked up with him. And some nights you thought of him. Of his hands, his overly-confident smirk and his honey voice. But right now, you only knew how tired you were. So, you sent your friend back to the party, while you caught up on sleep.

From that night on, your encounters with him had changed. Previously, you had noticed him catching a glimpse at you. Now all he did was search for your eyes. When you did look back at him, he stared at you, as if he would somehow be able to draw you in just with a look. You then gave him a polite smile, and his look changed into confusion. One time, he even winked at you, but you weren’t going to play this game. There was no way you would obsess over a guy who only looked at you because you had let him touch you once. You had an exam coming up and living at the library for the next two weeks would be your main priority.

But little did you know, not even at the library you were safe from fuckboys. You had sat down and worked for five minutes until you noticed H/N sit only two tables away from you. When he gave you his famous smirk you only nodded and buried your head deeper in your books. It was almost like a challenge, seeing how long you could study without getting distracted. And you were so determined, you barely noticed the sun setting outside. When a quiet voice over the speakers announced that the library would be closing soon, you snapped out of your thoughts. When you packed up your things, you granted him one more look, before you left.

The walk to the dorm wasn’t a long one. You shivered slightly at the cooler night air, so you fastened your steps.

“Are you trying to outrun me?” a voice suddenly spoke behind you. You rolled your eyes.

“Did you need something?” you asked H/N, who was now catching up to you. His hair was disheveled, and he looked just as tired as you felt.

“Is this how you treat every guy you’ve hooked up with?” he asked.

“How do you expect me to treat you? We’re not friends…I didn’t even know your name until after my roommate told me,” you said.

“Okay, fair enough,” he said. “But what isn’t can be.”

The way he smirked made you let out air in a short laugh.

“And then, let me guess…when we’ve been friends for a few days you try to hook up with me again,” you said. “Why else would you want to be friends with me? You know nothing about me except what my hands and mouth feel like.”

He raised his eyebrows. “Okay, you’re right. But it wasn’t just that. You were…interesting.”

“Because I flirted back at you?” you laughed. “Are you not used to it? Look, if you want to find out if I’m really all that interesting, try to get to know me.”

“Deal. Then let me.”

“Alright. And you’ll let me know if I’m really that interesting,” you said. You seriously wondered if fuckboys and nerdy girls would ever have a chance to be friends outside of some American chick-flick.

“And what if I think you are? Will you hook up with me again?”

“Are you serious?” you complained, and he laughed.

“I’m joking,” he said, while you gave him the side eye. You were pretty damn sure he wasn’t, but you weren’t in the mood to argue further.

“So, when are we hanging out? You coming to the party tomorrow?” he asked.

“Woah calm down there. I’ll be at the library if you wanna hang out,” you said.

“The library? I can’t even talk to you there!”

“But we can talk on the way home and there,” you said, teasing him just because it was fun. You had arrived at your dorm.

“Will you at least give me your number?” he asked, and you raised your eyebrows. “Friends have each other’s phone numbers!”

“I guess you’re right. But don’t text me a billion times a day.” you said, watching him fish for his phone in his pocket. He grinned in triumph. You couldn’t help but think he was cute with the way he smiled while you typed your number into his phone.

“Goodnight, H/N,” you said.

Goodnight,…” he said, giving you a questioning look.

“I’m Y/N,” you said, giving him a small smile.

“Y/N…I’ll see you tomorrow,” he said, and you shook your head slightly in amusement.

But the next day you realized he had not been exaggerating. Two minutes after you had sat down at the desk in the library, he walked up to the empty space across from you.

“Hey, I knew I’d find you here,” he said. You put one finger up to your lips but couldn’t help but grin. He looked handsome, in a black leather jacket and with his hair hanging in his face a little. He gave you a questioning expression, but you kept quiet and mouthed “we can talk after”. And for a few minutes, he actually seemed to have accepted his fate as your silent study buddy. Then, you noticed him pulling out his phone. Never had you regretted giving someone your number more than at this moment. He typed something on his screen, expressionless. A few seconds later, your phone vibrated in your pocket.

Him: So, do you come here often?

You: HAHA..don’t fuckboys have other things to do than to stalk nerds at the library?

H: Is that what you think I am?

Y: Is that not what you are?

H: I wouldn’t define myself as one

Y: google defines a fuckboy as a man who has many casual sexual partners…

H: …

Y: urban dictionary has an even better definition OMG

H: okay maybe I am one? do you have a problem with that

Y: I never said so…I just wanted you to admit it

H: what are you studying for?

Y: let’s discuss this afterwards

You saw him continuing to write, realizing he wasn’t going to do as you said. Determined to get some studying done after all, you turned off your phone and showed him the black screen. He looked annoyed, but it was him who wanted to get to know you, so he had to accept it. An hour went by and he really seemed to get lost in his textbook. When you finally decided it was time to pack up, he followed you.

“I must say, I’m impressed. You actually studied,” you said, walking next to him towards your dorm.

“Trust me, I’m even more surprised than you are,” he said, and you laughed. So, you finally told him about your exam and the subjects you were studying. And to your surprise, he paid attention and even kept the flirting to a minimum. And you had to admit, when he wasn’t making obnoxious advances towards you, he was actually pretty funny and you found yourself actually enjoying his company. After you had entered your dorm you watched him walk off in the direction of his home. You debated whether you should give him the satisfaction, but in the end you thought your compliment might make him realize flirting isn’t always the way to go about things.

So, right before you went to bed, you sent him one last message:

Y/N: I think you’re actually really fun (when you cut out the flirting)

In the morning, you woke up to his text.

H/N: Now you’re the one flirting with me 😉

You almost sent him the vomiting emoji, but then decided to simply confront him when you saw him that day. More or less coincidentally, you ran into him on your way to the library.

“I think you and I have very different perceptions of what flirting is,” you greeted him by bumping your shoulder against his. He gave you his million-dollar smirk.

“Maybe…which is convenient, because I for once didn’t mean the winking emoji in a flirty way,” he said, “And you can’t be mad at me because that’s my opinion.”

You pushed him jokingly, knowing his fake serious face was just him lying under his breath.

“I’m serious, just cut the flirting out,” you said. “Is that such a challenge for you?”

“I’ll try my best,” he smirked, and you rolled your eyes. But as the week went on, and you met almost every day, he really did seem to try hard to act normal. You realized it was probably genuinely hard for him to stop flirting. Fuckboys simply had that in their blood. But he seemed to like your challenge. You talked about your hobbies, your favorite movies, your childhood memories and the best ice cream flavor at your local ice cream parlor. And soon, going to study at the library turned into your favorite time of the day.

One evening, you were walking home once again, your shoulders touching now and then from how close you were walking. But it wasn’t as intimate as it should have felt. He had become a genuine friend to you, and you could barely believe the way your perception of him had changed over the course of three weeks.

“I aced my exam yesterday because of you,” he said, grinning.

“That’s great!” you congratulated him. “But in the end, it was you who studied and wrote it, so I’m not sure how much credit I deserve for that.”

“Without you I would have studied a tenth of what I actually did,” he said. Then, you suddenly realized something.

“Wait? Did you study for another exam today?” you asked.

“No, I just wanted to hang out with you.”

You laughed and he looked puzzled.

“My exam was three days ago! I had nothing to study for either,” you said. He finally realized.

“So, we were sitting and studying just to keep each other’s company for three hours, when we could have done something else for once? Are you kidding me?” he laughed. His laugh was familiar to you now, and when a few weeks ago you would have rolled your eyes at the way he grabbed your shoulder when he laughed, you now experienced a warm feeling at the sound and his touch. It wasn’t romantic, but you genuinely believed you might have managed to make friends with a fuckboy. Props to you.

“You know, now that we’re not stressing over exams, or rather, now that you’re not stressing over exams, because I never did either way…do you wanna hang out at my place for a while?” he asked, smirking. This time you did roll your eyes.

“No sex,” you said.

“I didn’t even hint at that!” he said. “Can a guy not hang out with his lady friend on a lovely Thursday night?”

You laughed at his dramatic gestures and in the process decided to go with him. Truth was, you really did enjoy his company, and frankly you were getting tired of only seeing him at the library.

“Alright, let’s go,” you laughed.

A weird rush of memories came over you when you stepped into his home. The only other time you had been there, your hands had been glued to each other’s bodies and your lips touched places of his you hadn’t thought about in a while. Your opinion of him had undergone a 180° flip since then. Or so you had thought, because suddenly everything reminded you of how good the sex with him had been. The door he had been leaning against while you had his dick in your mouth reminded you of his moans, and how his hands had tugged on your hair so nicely. Your skin tingled and you remembered the hickeys you had tried to cover up without success the following day. And to make matters worse, you realized he was wearing the same shirt he had worn to the party back then. You felt instantly embarrassed to remember such a detail. Get it together, you urged yourself inwardly. He’s your friend now, and friends don’t think such things about each other.

You greeted his roommate, who raised his eyebrows when H/N introduced you as his friend.

“What are you playing?” you asked, referring to his roommate, who was holding a console controller. You gave H/N a look, as if to ask how he felt about joining his roommate in playing video games.

“We can play, but just know that you’re signing up for losing to me…over and over and over…” he said, whilst nudging your shoulder three times. You hated how handsome he looked while he said that.

“I sense someone has a superiority complex,” you replied, confidently grabbing one of the controllers. “Time to change that.”

H/N’s roommate only laughed and handed him the other controller. “I think I like your new friend.”

~~~

“I told you, you were done for,” H/N still reminisced, as he walked you back to your dorm that night.

“I counted, and you won 5 times. I won 4 times. It’s not that deep,” you said to your defense. “And I did that without any practice while you probably know this game front to back.”

“A close win is still a win,” he teased, putting his arm around your shoulder playfully.

“I’m surprised how little you care about grades with how competitive you are in every other aspect,” you teased him back.

“Who knows, maybe I’ll become a nerd under your influence,” he said. You had almost arrived at your dorm now as you chuckled.

“And I was about to ask you if you would be at the party tomorrow. Are we switching roles now?” you joked.

“What kind of question is that,” he said, making it sound more like a statement than a question. “Of course I’ll be there. Does that mean you’re going too?”

You nodded and grinned. You had been excited for the party, but knowing he will be there, you could barely wait now. From the moment he hugged you goodbye, to the moment you left your dorm to go to the party the next day, you practically counted the hours.

~~~

You arrived at the house party with your roommate, but she was gone quickly after she had spotted her crush. You had told her to go for it and were now watching in amusement as she talked to him shyly across the room. The cold of the marble kitchen counter made its way through your dress as you leaned against it. This was the spot you had first met him. Speaking of the devil. His eyes met yours the moment he walked into the room. His smirk was prominent while he walked up to you and then looked at you, as if waiting for you to speak first.

“As you said, we’re switching fuckboy and nerd roles now, so shouldn’t you be the one to chat me up this time?” he finally broke the silence.

“Chat you up? So we’d end up in your bed together again? We said that wasn’t going to happen, remember?” you said.

“For someone who apparently doesn’t want to hook up with me, you bring up us having sex quite often,” he stated. Then he bent his head, so his mouth was right at your ear. “It’s almost like you’re the one struggling not to want me now.”

You felt upset at his words. But not because it was typical for fuckboys to assume that every girl wanted them – you knew that all along – no, you were angry at yourself because he was completely right.

“I wouldn’t blame you,” he said, before you could even form a coherent thought. “It’s not like I ever really stopped wanting you. How could I ever ignore how hot you are?”

He really had no filter at this point. Had he been any guy you had just met – you would have laughed and brushed him off. But it was your friend, who was not only funny but who you also thought to be equally as hot as he had just called you. And somehow, his boldness caught on to you.

“You must really have a thing for French accents,” you said, referring to your first conversation. “If you keep wanting me over everybody else.”

He laughed a little, but then went serious again. “You would be right. I haven’t stopped thinking about how flawless your French is.”

His hands were touching your sides now, setting off a shiver that went through your entire body at the simple sensation. You felt his body heat radiate towards you because of how close he was standing by now. On instinct, your eyes danced from his eyes to his lips and back. Frankly, you had no problem if he decided to kiss you in the middle of this party. But you knew where this was going. You knew, the moment he put his lips on yours, you would only want more. And those kind of things you wanted him to do to you, they most certainly weren’t socially acceptable to do in public. So you moved your face even closer to him and spoke.

“Then what are we still doing here?”

He instantly grinned and understood. You had never spent such a short while at a party before. But you had no problem with leaving when he was the main reason you had gone there in the first place. Your friend gave you a suspicious smirk as you passed her in the hallway, making you chuckle and inwardly wish her good luck with her crush again.

You were halfway at his dorm when he put his arm around your waist.

“Can’t we just make out somewhere against a house wall or something? I think I’m going crazy,” he said.

“There’s no way I’m becoming the next gossip topic on campus,” you said, pulling him after you as you fastened your steps.

“That’s only if someone saw us…” he argued, “And they’d be talking about me too.”

“Honey you’re already everyone’s favorite conversational topic,” you said.

“I am?” he asked, smirking. You were finally approaching his dorm building. “Does that mean you talk about me when I’m not there?”

“I like to keep to myself,” you said. He was unlocking the front door and you followed him inside, approaching his and his roommate’s room. “But my friend never shuts up about you.”

“Well you’ll have one hell of a story to tell her tomorrow,” he smirked, completely aware of how well-known he was at this university. His keys jingled in his hands as he inserted them into the lock. Your hands tingled in impatience. Finally, you stepped inside and waited for him to close the door behind you.

“Or you could keep it to yourself,” he then said, grabbing your hips and pulling you flush against his body. “We can make this our little secret. Since friends don’t do these kind of things, do they?”

You couldn’t wait any longer. Your mouth crashed against his in a heated kiss, wasting no time to lick over his bottom lip. He groaned into your mouth, his hands on your body seeming as hungry as his tongue was. You hadn’t even bothered to turn on the light, so now you both stumbled into the room, which was only dimly lit by the streetlights outside. Within seconds his hair was completely disheveled by how your hands grabbed locks of it, and you impatiently tugged at the hem of his shirt.

Swiftly, he pulled away for a moment to pull it over his head. You were going to kiss his neck, but instead he quickly lifted you to sit you on the table behind you. Right away, your legs wrapped around his waist to pull him closer. A small moan slipped past your lips when his hands pushed your dress up your thighs. His fingers reached dangerously close to your center, but never came quite close enough. His skin was soft when you kissed his collarbones, sucking purple marks as if painting on an unused canvas. Your quiet moans turned into more impatient sighs and whimpers because he didn’t seem to move his hands far enough up your thighs.

“I missed that noise,” he said. “You know what else I missed?”

You looked up from where you had been kissing his neck, giving him a questioning gaze.

“I wanna taste you again,” he said, kissing you deeply. You sighed against his lips, your legs automatically spreading wider. Already you felt a wetness pooling between your thighs, only upon hearing him say those words. Your dress had fully ridden up to your hips by now, and his fingers were hooked into the sides of your underwear, lazily playing with the material. His lips moved to your neck, leaving soft kisses and small bites here and there, while you arched your back against his chest, the desire in the pit of your stomach creating a pleasurable twist.

You still had your dress on, so his kisses stopped by your neckline, before he slowly pushed your waist towards the table. You were quick to react. Leaning backwards, you spread your legs wider so he could settle between them. He made you take in a sharp breath when he pushed the material of your underwear to the side. One of his fingers slid between your wet folds. The touch was so small, yet you wanted him so badly that any touch, no matter how little it might have seemed, made you feel like falling over the edge.

And of course, he had to comment on your reaction.

“You sound like someone who has a lot of pent-up sexual frustration, sweetheart,” he teased. “Why could that be?”

“Shut up,” you said through gritted teeth - right before you moaned again, as he slipped his finger inside of you, your juices coating his digits to his knuckles.

“Could that be…,” he went on, now adding another finger. ”Because you tried to prove to yourself you didn’t want me when you really did?”

“Why don’t you use your pretty mouth for something more useful than trying to figure me out,” you said.

“Alright, alright,” he said, smirking at you. You watched intently as he finally pulled your now soaked panties off your legs. Before his lips could touch your center, his breath fanned against the skin of your thighs, your head already feeling dizzy. When his tongue did finally come in contact with your center, your eyes shut in pleasure. You whimpered his name, and in that moment you didn’t care how weak you sounded.

“Just for your information,” you said, and his head perked up again. “No, don’t stop, keep going.”

He did as you told, his head dipping between your legs, and within a moment your clit was between his lips, tongue playing with the sensitive bundle of nerves.

“I never said I didn’t want you again,” you said. “But I think us becoming friends instead of instantly hooking up again wasn’t a mistake.”

He chuckled against your center, the vibrations of his voice only adding to the arousal you felt throughout your whole body. Seemed like he wasn’t going to comment on your words, but his laugh sounded like he agreed. When he slowed down his licks for a short while, you impatiently wiggled against his mouth. His arms wrapped around your thighs, coming to lay on your stomach. When he now fastened his actions, teeth accidentally grazing over your clit, it only felt ten times more intense, and you realized now you had been holding your breath from how focused you had been on the feeling. Your heart was hammering against your ribcage like it was trapped inside. You had long surrendered to the uncontrolled noises that were leaving your mouth continuously.

He ate you out like a starved man, occasionally swapping his lips for his fingers. The way he rubbed your sweet spot so quickly, all whilst watching your every reaction had your eyes rolling back in pleasure. It was like a fire, consuming you from the inside, and all you wanted was to jump off the edge, into the cold water that would quench your thirst for relief. You couldn’t help but close your eyes, chasing the feeling.

“I’m so close, fuck-“ you moaned. In approval, he hummed against your core.

“Go ahead,” he mumbled, before he leaped at your clit again. Two of his fingers teasing your entrance only made you want more of him. But it wasn’t like you were planning on being done with him after this. Just when you thought your arms were giving out underneath you, the torrent of cold water washed over you. You saw stars, as your legs clenched around his head, straining against his hands trying to keep them apart. One of your hands buried in his hair. You said his name like you worshipped him, but maybe in that moment you did. The more he continued, the more your sensitivity made your legs shake, so you pulled on his locks gently, signaling him you had enough. For now, at least.

Your breathing slowed with time and your heartbeat gradually normalized. Still with a feeling of bliss, you straightened up. There was a proud grin playing on his face when his eyes met yours. You didn’t keep up the eye-contact for too long, until your gaze wandered down his bare stomach to the obvious bulge in his pants.

“Need help there?” you asked. You jumped off the table and put your hands on his chest. His smirk softened to a gentle smile before he kissed you again. You barely noticed, but you moved along with him, towards his room.

“Take off my dress,” you said, and almost without disconnecting your lips, he opened the zip on the back of it. You slipped the straps over your shoulders and let the material pool by your ankles.

“Let me take care of it for you,” you said, hands getting busy with the front of his pants. While you unzipped the material, your other hand palmed him through his pants. A clearly pent-up groan erupted from his throat. It seemed like impatience took him over, and he quickly pulled down his pants himself, throwing them into a corner. His hand took yours and you joined him on the soft mattress.

You thought about saying something sexy, but you figured he had probably waited long enough for this by now. So, after giving him one more look, making sure to blink your eyes at him extra-innocently, you settled between his legs and took him into your mouth. The moment your hot tongue swiped over the tip of his cock he sucked in air through gritted teeth. You used your saliva to coat his length and wrapped your hand around the base. The noises he made when you started bobbing your head steadily lit another small fire in the pit of your stomach. You used your hand to follow your lips’ motions. Your free hand reached next to him, taking his own hand into yours and guiding it to your hair, which had been falling into your face and bothering you. He understood instantly, using his other hand to push it to the back of your head in a makeshift ponytail.

“You’re the fucking best at this,” he moaned. He used his hands to support the rhythm in which your head moved, making sure not to push you too far. Knowing what it would do to him, you looked up at him. The view of you, looking so pretty with your lips wrapped around his dick as he held your hair back was enough for him to groan again, a string of curse words following. With the way he looked fucked out after only a short while of your actions, you felt yourself get more aroused again, your legs pressing together in anticipation.

With a pop your lips pulled away from him, your thumb running over his tip for a moment. With a few kisses here and there, you made your way up his stomach and chest, until you leveled with his head.

“I want you inside of me,” you whispered against his lips. His eyes were dark, and your breath hitched in your throat when he softly touched your lips.

“I’ve wanted to hear those words for so long,” he said. Then, he bent around, fetching a condom from the nightstand.

“How do you want me?” you asked, watching him roll on the condom.

He chuckled, shaking his head lightly, so you gave him a quizzical look.

“How are you such a genius but this hot at the same time?” he asked, his look mirroring adoration. “It always seemed to me most girls think they need to choose between one of those two.”

“Well, I’m glad you know they don’t have to choose,” you said. “So, what’s it gonna be?”

“Can you get on all fours for me?” he asked. Another wave of desire washed over you with the way he looked you in the eyes so deeply as he said that. You smirked, finding a liking in his preferences. As he asked, you turned away from him, steadying yourself on your arms and knees.

The wait was the worst. While he took his time, grabbing the skin of your waist and ass, teasingly running his fingers over your dripping center, his touch gentle as a feather. You knew exactly he was doing this on purpose, just creating another situation he could tease you about later on. A whine escaped your lips as you pushed your ass backwards. You wanted more, and you wanted it now.

“Cute,” he said, one of his hands stroking over your bare back. You were about to tell him a snappy comment, when you felt the tip of his member run through your folds. Your sensitivity from your previous orgasm was long gone now, and you melted into his touch when he finally slid himself into you. You hummed in approval at his first few thrusts, which were deep, hitting a spot inside of you that made your eyes roll backwards in pleasure.

“Do you still like it rough?” he asked.

“I definitely don’t mind it,” you said, and a moment later whimpered, when he gripped your hips tightly and pulled you against him, his cock going even deeper. He pounded into you, and with every thrust moved you towards his body. The sound of your moans mixed with the slapping of his skin against yours, and you hoped you wouldn’t encounter any of his neighbors the next morning, because you didn’t exactly feel like having to explain these noises to them. He was cursing and saying your name – a sound you didn’t think you’d hear any time soon – making your head spin as you clenched around him. He groaned, his voice husky.

One of his hands found its way between your thighs, and you whimpered, your arms giving out underneath you. You remained on your knees, but now pushed your head into the pillows on the bed. Your moans were muffled against the mattress and you desperately grabbed fistfuls of the sheets. He was rolling your clit between his fingers all whist fucking you so good, you were willing to accept any soreness you might have felt the next day. And you knew you would – if not from how hard he was thrusting – surely his tight hold on you would still be apparent the next day. But you didn’t mind. In fact, the idea of having a visual reminder of what he was doing to you only turned you on more.

His thumb rubbed over your most sensitive spot and your legs shook for a moment, your walls clenching around him tightly.

“I’m so so close – fuck,” you said, your back arching, so you could be even nearer, and he could be deeper inside of you.

“Me too,” he agreed, and you noticed it too, by how his thrusts seemed less controlled and more impulsive with each passing moment. The knot in the pit of your stomach tightened, the more he touched you, and the longer you stayed focused on the sensation. You shut your eyes tightly, so you could chase the feeling, and it wasn’t long before you finally reached your high. It wasn’t long after you, that he followed, the way you closed your thighs around him only creating a more intense feeling for him. He bent over your back, pulling you even closer, as he rode out his orgasm, every last thrust making your legs shake a little bit from sensitivity.

When he finally pulled out, you were still breathing hard, barely able to open your eyes just yet. With a sigh, he plopped down next to you. You could feel the mattress shifting under his weight. Finally, you blinked slowly before looking at him. He was grinning with his arm covering his eyes.

“Are you okay?” he asked, before he slowly lifted his arm.

“Of course,” you said, resting your chin on his chest for a moment. “Are you?”

“Why wouldn’t I be?” he laughed.

“Oh, I’m not allowed to ask you that?” you joked.

“I’m not the one who was crying into the mattress two minutes ago,” he said, raising his eyebrows at you. Playfully, you slapped him.

“I was not crying!” you argued.

“If you say so,” he grinned. You only rolled your eyes and put your head back down on his chest. His heart beat steadily under your ear and the motion of his chest rising and falling made you sleepier than you already were. For a while you lay there in silence. You wondered if your friend was still at the party, or if she was waiting for you to come home tonight. Probably not. But then, you didn’t even know if he was alright with you staying.

“Can I stay over?” you asked, not thinking twice. It wasn’t an emotionally motivated question, more of a question of practicability. Friends had sleepovers, right?

“Sure,” he hummed. “If we make this a regular thing.”

“I’m sorry?” you asked.

“You ever heard of friends with benefits?” he suggested. It was scientifically proven that sex could make people fall in love – even if they never officially went out together. And the last thing you needed right now was a distracting boyfriend. But you couldn’t help it. He felt like heaven, and who said you were actually going to fall for him? Maybe his determination, which seemed strong, would catch on to you and you would never even think about catching feelings.

“So we’ll just call each other up when we feel horny?” you asked.

“Exactly,” he said. “Although, since we’re also friends now, it’s not like we’re only gonna see each other for sex.”

“I’ll remind you of that when you try to get into my pants at the first chance you get after today,” you teased him. He only grinned.

“What can I do? You’re too hot for me to not at least try.”

“My friend said there was a rumor about you. It said that you only hooked up with the same girl once,” you remembered suddenly.

“Well, you have proof now…it’s a rumor,” he said, his grin mischievous. “Or maybe you’re just an exception. That’s for you to find out.”

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extremelyblackandwhite · 3 years

Text

champagne problems

pairing: mob!bucky barnes x reader

warnings: smut

a/n: oooo smut. the next chapter is the last and i’m depressed about it already

TOLERATE IT - TIS THE DAMN SEASON

Bustling crowds or silent sleepers, you’re not sure which is worse ...

Her shift dragged; it seemed as if the clock was stuck and moving only a minute after three hours had passed and even though there was the same sea of people coming through the doors of the club, the shift felt slow. Everything was in slow motion and her eyes daren’t move from the bar. Bobby was still on holiday and as such it as merely her, ignoring everyone and every word which came her way and ignoring Edward who kept nagging her about Mr. Barnes, a person who she didn’t want to look at.

She didn’t understand how one could just pretend to be entranced by another one and just turn it on yet she would also not debate her mind about what her feelings were for her boss, the same boss she was supposed to betray. She was supposed to betray him and yet she didn’t know how or even if she wanted to. Why should she? They clearly had sent Edward in and him being the spineless vermin he was, she was sure he’d quickly join his group by quickly sleeping with the woman who surrounded the mob boss. The women ... the women were always so beautiful, beautiful enough to make Y/N want to make herself up before she came up to the bar, feeling too bland next to the gorgeous women who paraded around him. Beautiful dresses, spotless faces, beautiful makeup, beautiful hair and here she was, in her old cardigan cleaning the bar with dirty rags stinking of a mix between bleach, peanuts and booze.

Once the lights were up and every single glass was washed and placed on their due shelf for tomorrow she was out. Bag hanging from her shoulder and books against her chest, she took the backdoor. The front door always had freshly drunk or high people whom she wanted no problems with. As she pushed the door open, she saw him, smoking in front of him car looking so effortlessly cool, chic even. It was pouring, raining so harshly it would drench anyone who dared step foot in yet he just stood there unbothered, cigarette still somehow burning, water drops rolling of his trench coat. Usually she would’ve entered the car and allow herself to be driven home; instead she turned her head to the side, pretending she hadn’t seen him. He, however, had seen her.

- Wanda picking you up today, petal? - he said in a mocking tone, throwing the butt onto the bin.

- No, sir. - she stopped, still not daring to look at him. - I thought about walking home alone.

- At night? When it’s pouring? Sometimes I think you like to get hurt, petal.

- With all due respect, Mr. Barnes, I think I should go by myself.

- Please. - he sighed, hands on his hips. - Get in the car, I’ll drive you the fastest I can. You don’t even need to look my way.

Her lips tightened. It was pouring rain, her clothes were already as drenched as they could be and she had been less than 10 minutes. She sighed, walking through puddles of water towards and away from him and inside his car, setting against the leathered seats. Bucky chuckled, watching from the side of his eye as she crossed her arms across her chest like a kid, avoiding his gaze as if he were the devil. Maybe he was, but he would never act like it in front of her.

She watched the rain fall down the window like waterfalls. It was bad, bad enough she could start seeing the water almost pool on the asphalt of the road. As they kept driving through the darkness, only the headlights giving light to the dark road until blinding lights came into their front view. Police came into view with their lights but all she could see was the bar barring the only way into her road. Bucky pulled the window down, charming smile as the cop realised who he was speaking with. She looked at her knees, perfectly knowing who it was, perfectly knowing if he discovered who she was so would James and she was locked in a car with him. Not a good combination.

- Evening, officer. What seems to be the problem?

- Mr. Barnes, sir. - she tipped his cap at him. - The road is flooded. We feared this and warned all residents to be at home before 5PM.

- I understand, officer but you see my employee here lives just down the road. Can’t I walk her in? Come on, you know I always pay you back, double even.

- It’s up to your knees, sir. You’re better off in a hotel for the night, m’am. Safety protocol.

James turned around his car making her look his way as he started driving away from her home. What was he doing? How was she supposed to go back home and how was she supposed to calm down when he was driving her away from her home. Was he going to drop her at a hotel? Was he going going to drop her, she didn’t know. She opened her mouth, waiting for words to come out but nothing came out. She didn’t know what to ask, what to say other than yell at him to let her out yet she didn’t. Y/N didn’t want to yell at him.

He noticed this, slowing down the normal fast pace at which he liked to drive, only now hearing to both of them breathing and the water drops of rain hit the windows. He could see her, through the mirror, her face leaning against the window, eyes reflection a sort of fight he was sure never to completely understand, only partially knowing. His eyes returned to the road ahead, the lights of each house dimming as everyone prepared to hold each other tight, hold their loved ones as the storm continued. He could only look at himself, almost as his vision refused to notice she was right there but she was. Both locked in the same car.

- You can stay at my place tonight. - he mumbled. - You’ve been there before. I’ll drive you back first thing in the morning.

She didn’t replied, instead letting her own eyes close momentarily, head laying against the water stained glass. She listened to the rain, considering all her life choices or what she was even doing. Was she okay with becoming this close to the mob boss? Becoming part of the inner group of females who followed him, just another name in a big list. Was that the question she should be asking? No. Did she really want to ask herself the question she had to? Also no. It was much easier to tell herself it was business. It was much easier to lie than tell the truth.

Y/N opened her eyes once again as the car slowed down and the sounds of rain drops were no longer around heard. They were parked inside his garage, one which she had seen before. He was the first one out the car, opening the door before walking away. She made haste to get off the car, almost power walking after him as he pressed the lift’s button to open the doors. The doors slide open and he stepped in, her following behind.

- I’ll be sleeping in a hotel down the street so you can calm down.

- You can stay if you want. I mean, it’s your house.

- Why should I? So you can freak out about the possibility of me killing you?

- That’s not it.

- Afraid I’m going to force myself on you? - he scoffed. - You know what, Y/N? I’m just not gonna be there and you can do whatever you want without blaming me for whatever theories you have.

- Why are you so mad suddenly?

- I’m not mad.

- Yes, you are. - she crossed her arms. - Excuse me if I don’t feel comfortable around you when you have more than two hundred kills blamed on you, when you’re constantly surrounded by girls and the rumours and the guns you always carry.

- I’ve killed two people in my whole life. Two. - he pointed his finger at her, making her take a step back. - They deserved it and I’m so tired of trying to make you feel safe. I get you a job and you’re upset, I get you a job waitressing so idiots won’t treat you like shit and you think I’m being the bad guy. I drive you home every single time and you still look at me as if I’m going to kill you. You can think whatever you want, I’m done.

She was going to rebuff him, tell him he was wrong but that wasn’t true. She couldn’t say he was wrong out of principle and because once the doors slide open, he disappeared into his big apartment. Y/N stayed behind, heart heavy as she threw her soaked bag onto the couch, sitting on it with a huff. Like a kid she put her hand under her chin, she knew he was right. Of course she knew. But she was the captain’s daughter, she was the one who’d heard tales and seen photos of terrible crimes on the kitchen table when she came in to show her dad her drawings. She knew it, she just didn’t exactly knew what he did. It was all very hush hush, mostly rumours, which ran from people to people and like the game of the broken phone, things got distorted.

She was the captain’s daughter but this wasn’t her. It wasn’t her identity. She knew better not to judge someone by rumours and gossip, her mother had taught her better than that yet she wanted to have her little walls. She wanted to be surrounded by that wall, that wall which said she felt absolutely nothing and that she was doing a good job. Y/N knew, she knew way too well what having those walls crumbling would mean. It would mean she was a woman infatuated with a man. Plain and simple, except it wasn’t and it wasn’t just a woman and just a man, it was the captain’s daughter and the mob boss. She knew not to slap labels on things but this is what it was, this was what she had been her whole life, not Y/N, not the nurse student, not her last name but the Captain’s daughter and him, him it was the same. She could count the number of people who knew his full name or even his first name in one hand. He was the boss. The mob boss, Barnes. Never James Buchanan Barnes.

She sighed, looking to the chess board in the table in front of her. However, unlike everything else in the room which was absolutely spotless, organised and unseeingly unlived in, the chess board was still in the same position they had left it. Her fingers grazed the black chess king, holding it up to her eyes. The piece she had won.

His shoes hit the linoleum floor making her look his way. He had a small leather carry on, something quite stylish and refused to make eye contact with her instead walking straight to the elevator.

- Mr. Barnes. - she perked up from the couch, getting his attention instantly. If she only knew. - Can you entertain me for a second?

- I’m leaving, Y/N. What do you need?

- Sit down. - she pointed at the couch in front of her. Bucky scoffed, for someone who was afraid of him killing her, she sure didn’t mind ordering him around. Her. The bartender. - Play with me.

- Play with you? - he dropped the suitcase to the floor, walking slowly to the chair in front of her. She sat against her own chair like a throne and so did he, standing in front of her. - You should be careful with your word choice.

- You should be careful with me winning again.

- I’ve learned all your moves, petal. I’m an observant player.

- I doubt that.

Bucky leaned over, setting his pieces as she did the same. Soon enough they were back to playing. Bucky observed her, watching as every play was so calculated, never by chance, lip in the middle of her teeth as she smoothly moved her pieces around almost like a ballet dance. Bucky remembered playing against more experienced players. “Chess is the game of the mind, James. You need to almost control and predict them to win” his teacher would tell him. She was impossible to read, always looking deep in thought yet so calm and collected, he guessed she needed that for the field she was in.

His pieces were dropped on her side, her taking what was his without any doubt until she stole his queen. Now, James’ knew not to play anymore. It was a courtesy of chess, yet she still didn’t look or carried the air of someone who had just won her game. Instead she looked at him, waiting for his move. Bucky leaned against his chair.

- You won. I should be leaving, it’s late.

- Wait, just .... why don’t you stay for a bit? We could talk, I’m not that tired yet.

- Petal, it’s late.

- I’ll fix you a drink.

- You can’t fix a scotch if your live depended on it. - he chuckled. - How about I fix you a drink? What’s your poison?

- Can I get some tea?

- Sure. - he shrugged. - Which one do you want?

- You have more than one type of tea? - she smirked, legs crossed over one another, the old wool dress still clinging to her skin due to the soaking wet fabric. James tried not to eye her, instead turning his back before he could be blamed of checking her out. - You don’t strike me as the type of person to like tea.

- Maybe I’m just trying to impress you.

- Then in that case you should have biscuits. - she turned around on the couch, knees of the cushioned seat as she stared at him in the kitchen. He looked exactly like the type of man on the cover of an IKEA magazine, those ones were a shirtless man is holding a coffee cup like every morning after sex fantasy of every woman.

- I do have biscuits, petal. Which ones do you want?

- Which ones do you have?

- Try me.

- Chocolate covered digestives. Only one side chocolate.

- An educated choice. - he opened one of the many drawers of his kitchen, pulling an acrylic container fulled to the brim with the same biscuits she had described. A man of taste indeed. He handed them a plate with three biscuits followed by the one tea cups he had which were his coffee mugs, always spotless white. She envied how pristine everything was in his home. In her flat, half the cutlery was hers, the other half Wanda’s and none matched with one being bright blue and the other one bright red.

As for him, she knew what he drank, always the same, always the same old scotch. At this point she wondered if he liked it or if it was a power symbol. Big powerful man drinking the most expensive scotch in the world. At least it was the most expensive scotch when she researched it on her laptop on a particularly boring lecture. Yet, it somehow wasn’t the drink which gave him that untouchable appearance. It was him.

- I have a question. - he moved the glass away from his lips, pinkie finger pointing at her. - How come you ended up dating my cleaning boy?

- We didn’t date. - she snorted, completely forgetting who she was speaking with. - His mother and my father dated for a long time after my mum died .. to be honest, I think it started before my mum died. Anyway, she had this awfully annoying kid, first time he came in he broke the head of my doll.

- Oh no, petal. Should I break his head? - James joked, downing whatever was left of his scotch.

- I would take you up on that. - Y/N rolled her eyes. - Dad always liked him, he once told me he was the child he never had.

- Ouch.

- Well, he wanted a boy. - she leaned against the cushioned coach. - I don’t know why he said we dated, I would never.

- Good.

- Why do you ask? - she leaned her head against her shoulder

- You have potential, petal. I thought maybe being around him would make him want to get back together ... I mean, you’re going to be a nurse.

- Don’t trust him. - she held the mug against both her hands.

- Pardon?

- Don’t trust him. Edward, I mean. Don’t tell him anything, don’t say anything, just don’t trust him.

- You know something I don’t? - he put both his hands on either side of the couch’s handles.

- Promise me.

- Petal ...

- Promise me. - she cupped his face, looking him deep into those baby blue eyes she had gotten so used to see every day. - Promise me, okay? Just ... you don’t need to know. Promise me.

- Petal, I’d do everything for you. - he rested his hand against her warm cheek. She reacted to his touch, leaning against his rough palm. Her eyes travelled towards his, looking at him like someone she’d knew from. Like an old friend. He leaned towards her, nose against hers.

Her eyes flustered, cheeks warm and she no longer knew if it was due to the apartment’s heating or because he was looking at her that way. She closed her eyes, listening to the small sounds of the environment surrounding her. Bucky kissed her forehead as her eyes opened and the world seemed to stop for a while as if she was living her own version of a 1950′s romantic movie. Her finger caressed his cheek.

- Well, you shouldn’t do everything for me. I’ll break your heart.

- Already broken.

Y/N’s lip quivered at those words. It was if he had been meaning to say them but had held them in for so long, forceful forbidding himself to even think it and it broke her heart to hear it. She leaned her forehead against his, looking at him with a look Bucky didn’t remember seeing. God, he was so used to seeing fear in other’s faces that he almost forgot what ... it didn’t mind anymore. He’d done that mistake once early this day and he wasn’t going to do it again. She didn’t want him and he wasn’t going to try and convince her. She doesn’t belong in his world and she doesn’t belong in his.

- Kiss me. - Bucky didn’t think twice, immediately kissing her as if his life depended on it.

He pulled her away from the couch’s rest, pulling her towards him and caging her in his hold as her hands fell from his face and rested upon his shoulders. His jacket was discarded to the corner of the room, leaving the mob boss only in his soft black dress up shirt. His hands pulled at the hem of her dress which peeled off her body almost perfectly, the sheen on the water on her beautiful skin which made him want to run his lips over it. Her fingers grazed over the dark buttons of his shirt, pulling them off their own fabric rips to open his shirt which slide down his perfect physic. Her dress hanged by her hips as he raised her to lay atop his lap, throwing the chess board to the floor as his hands roamed her back. The pieces fell to the ground, some breaking, some rolling but none of them really cared too lost on each other.

Bucky turned her around, laying her atop the coffee table before sitting in the same couch she had been sitting. He could just look at her forever - warm damp skin, lips half open, irregular breathing, innocent knowing eyes. He could look at that forever and be happy yet all he wanted was to feel her, kiss her skin, sense the faint smell of the Daisy perfume she would reapply behind the bar every once in a while. He smirked, leaning over her body, one hand gathering both her hands above her head while the other held her waist, lips leaning from her jaw to her neck. She whined, fingers moving and wrists turning as she tried to free herself from his grip, wanting to hold him but he didn’t allow her. Instead, Bucky started sucking on her pressure point, wanting to leave a mark for others to see before moving to her collarbones, down her perfect swells and to her belly button.

He smirked as he reached where her dress was hanging. He pulled it slowly out of her legs coming face to face with her beige underwear with a little bow up top. A little present for him to open.

Y/N could feel his finger grazing her skin, dragging teasingly. He was so close, so close to her core and yet so far. All she wanted to do was push him to do it but he had her hands tightly caged in his hand. She looked at him with pleading eyes, almost pouting making him chuckle at how needy she was. He would’ve toy with her had he not want to feel her for so long.

He dragged her underwear down her legs, throwing it across his living room before setting himself on his knees in front of her. There he was, the most powerful man in the town kneeled in front of her, kissing her leg from her ankle to the apex of her thigh. All she could feel was his soft lips contrasting with the rough stubble he had which made the mix of emotions much more interesting. It was slow yet hungry at the same time and she expected him to keep at it until his lips moved to her core abruptly. She held it a moan on her throat, oxygen punched out of her lungs as she moved her head to the side.

Bucky hooked both her legs over her shoulders, getting the access he so wanted, getting her where he’d always wanter her. She moaned uncontrollably as his tongue teased her entrance, lips suckling her bud. Y/N wanted to hold onto his head, pull on his hair and her fingers kept contracting as she fought his handle of her hands. It was too much, so much she could feel herself start to cry, not remembering the last time someone had paid this much attention to her. She tried not to focus on him eating her out, feeling like if she did she’d come down from her high as fast as she had gotten there. Once he started moaning against her core, the vibration drove her over the edge yet he remained there licking and lapping at whatever she had to offer as she regained her breathe.

- You okay there, petal? - he rose, leaning over to kiss her, releasing her hands. As if they were magnetic, she cupped his face, feeling his skin against her fingers. He pulled his lips away from her, expecting an answer but she only nodded, hands leaving his face to travel to his trousers to try and push them down. Bucky aided her with that, pushing his trousers down and pulling her closer.

He could see his eyes look into his, so beautiful yet so lustful at the same time. God this woman, he thought to himself, this woman is gonna end me. His hand searched for hers, intertwining his fingers with hers as he slowly started to enter her, her walls accommodating him like they were made for each other. She forcefully shut her eyes, the sting being the first thing she felt, not used to being stretched out like that.

- It’s okay, petal. - he kissed her forehead. - We can stop, do you wanna stop?

- No. - she moaned, the sting started to fade as pleasure gave way. He got her signal and started to slowly rock in and out of her, eyes glued to were they were both connected. Dear God. He couldn’t help but pick up the pace at the sound of her lustful moans, leaning down to kiss her as he lost control over what pace they were at, instead going by instinct.

She could feel and hear everything; her walls tightening around him, milking him for what he was worth it, the groans that sounded like moans that he would let out, his lips never leaving hers no matter how messy the kiss became, the slapping sound of their skin meeting. The room was hot, filled with sighs and groans and moans, something pornographic.

- Come on, petal. You’re gonna come undone for me, yeah? Just for me. - he tried to get a grip on himself as she started to clench on him more often. His hands came up behind her back, slowly raising it from the coffee table as he quickened his pace, still panting but not stopping as if he had been possessed by an incubus. How could he stop? How could he stop when she looked like that, head thrown back, lips swollen and open, fucking perfect.

A high pitched moan made the room go completely new, it was almost as if she were high, white spots crowding her view as she let her muscles relax and fall back. James held her, throwing himself to the couch behind him, her on top of him as ropes of white spurted inside of her and spilled onto the couch. Fuck, he wanted to keep those stains so he could remember. Her head rested against his shoulder, breathing returning to normal as he kissed her hair.

- If you wanted me to stay so badly, you could’ve just asked. - he grinned, kissing her head once more.

- Shut up. - she giggled, turning her head to look at him. - Hi.

- Hi. - he smiled. His hand blindly searched for one of the many useless blankets that adorned his couches to wrap her in. Once he found one, he drapped it over her back, managing to get up and walk to her room.

She wanted to stay awake, she wanted to stay awake and spend the night talking to him but once the blanket draped over her back, she was good as gone.

The morning rose with its cloudy skies, the dim lighting awaking her up as she rose her head from the bed, hair made into a tangled mess. He had an arm over her, face to her back, softly sleeping. She wondered why it was so surprising to see him like that, even mob bosses sleep but he just looked so peaceful, so ... so normal. Almost as if they could be a regular couple just like everyone else. She shifted in bed, to look at him, her slight moves immediately awaking him but he chose to keep his eyes close, not wanting her to worry about waking him up.

- I know you’re awake. - she said, voice laced with sleep as she noticed his breathe pattern change as well as his eyelids twitching. - James.

- Bucky. - he corrected. - You can call me James when I’m fucking you but I prefer Bucky.

- Bucky. - she repeated. - I like that.

- Do you wanna have breakfast? - he opened his eyes. - Anything you want.

- You’re gonna cook me breakfast or are you gonna force the shops to open at ... - she looked at her watch, colour draining from her face. - 10AM. Holy shit, I’m late.

- Y/N ... - he laughed as she got out of the bed, bed sheet wrapped around her body as she searched his room for her clothing. - It’s drying in the bathroom, petal.

- I’M LATE. I’M LATE TO THE ONLY CLASS I LIKE. - she rushed over to the bathroom, almost tripping on the large sheet. Bucky stood on his side, watching her with a silly grin as she pulled the dress over her body along with her underwear. - STOP STARING, YOU’RE DRIVING.

- You’re calling the shots now? - he cocked an eyebrow at her.

- I’m late. - she kneeled on his bed, trying to push him out of it. - Bucky, c’mon.

- No, petal. You’re already late, just stay the day with me. I’ll even give you the day off.

- I have to graduate first. - she crossed her arms.

- Okay.

Bucky was quick to get dressed, grabbing his car keys from the hook on the door before taking her down to the garage and into the car. Y/N pushed down the mirror, trying to fix whatever mess he had done to her. There was not much she could do but try and comb her hair and push her dress’ neckline up to try and hide the hickeys. She kept looking at her watch, wondering if she’d make it and as he parked in front of her department’s building, she only had 5 minutes to go. It felt more like a one night stand but desperate times called for desperate measures and besides she was working this night so she could explain to him that she wasn’t trying to bail.

- I can’t drive you home tonight, petal. Gotta receive a shipping by the docks. Sam will probably drive you, I’ll speak with him at the club and I’ll let you know before I leave.

- It’s okay I can ask Pietro or Wanda.

- Go on before you’re actually late for it. - he opened her door and she sprinted like a mad woman.

As she walked into the lecture hall, most of her colleagues, including Wanda, were already sat on. She shamefully hide her head, climbing up the stairs to the middle row where Wanda had kindly saved her a seat and was probably wondering where she had been and why she hadn’t called. Once she sat, down, the questions ran down on her.

- You look like hell, Y/N. God, why do you even have a phone if you don’t call me or Pietro?

- I’m sorry, they had blocked the road.

- Did they block your phone signal?

- No. - she sighed. - Hey, you think Pietro or you can pick me up today? Mr. Barnes is receiving a shipment tonight.

- He’s receiving a shipment? Do you know where?

- Uhm ... yes.

- Good, that means you can tell your father and you can finally quit that god awful job and behave like regular Y/N.

She had forgotten. She knew where the shipment was, she had the smoking gun, she was done, right? Why did it felt so heavy? That was what she was put into his life for, to get information yet she couldn’t find herself to send the text to her father. The rest of the day she stared at her phone, at her father’s number, her fingers hovering over the keypad. She knew the answer, docks. Five letters, one word. There was only that place yet writing those five letters seemed to be the hardest thing in the world. She had time, she told herself. She had time to send her father the message so she spent the day ignoring it.

As she walked on the cobblestones that led to the bar, her resolve only broke looser. She didn’t want to send that text, he didn’t deserve that, he didn’t deserve to have her stab him in the back. She didn’t want to stab him in the back, that was not her. Maybe that was what they wanted of her but it wasn’t her and it was not going to be her. As she stepped inside the already half full bar, she turned off her phone. Nobody needs to know, nobody will know. As she told herself those words, someone pushed her arm, throwing her onto the supply cupboard. She looked up to see Edward locking the door behind them.

- What the fuck? I have a job to do. - she tried to push past him but he stood there. - What do you want?

- The waiters said they saw you get in the car with Barnes.

- So? - she crossed her arms. - He drives me home.

- I knew you shouldn’t be in the case. I mean, you’re a wannabe nurse and you think you’re in the big league.

- What is that supposed to mean? I was put up to this way before you were.

- Wonder why? You’re doing a shit job and now you’re fucking sleeping with Barnes? I always knew you got what you wanted but I never knew you were a mob boss’ whore now.

- Oh fuck off, Edward. - she tried to push him once again but he pushed her back and further into the cupboard.

- Where’s the shipment, Y/N? Do the right thing and you can go back to sucking him off.

- You can go to hell.

- WHERE IS IT? - he pushed her against the wall but she spat on his face. - Fine, you know what fine. Guys like him are never gonna go to prison, he’s just gonna buy his way out. If you want things done, do them yourself.

- Don’t do anything stupid, Edward. - she pleading, following him as he walked to the door. - You’re not gonna win. Just give up.

- I hope you fucked him goodbye. - his hand went into the hem of his pants, she knew damn well what he was about to grab and about to do. She rushed to the door but he locked it on her face. Her heart raced as she started to punch and kick the door, screaming at him to open the door.

- Bastard! - she mumbled, looking over the cupboard and at the small window up the top. There was a series of creaky shelves under them. Hopefully it was open. Carefully, she moved the stuff out the shelves and started to climb them until the last one which gave her enough room to push the window open. As she reached for the latch, the window didn’t move. Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck.

She looked around, looking for anything to break the window with but everything was merely brooms and old rags. She wrapped an old vodka smelling rag around her hand and sighed. It’s okay, you’ve seen it done in the movies besides it’s an old cupboard, old window. It’s gonna be easy. She bite her lip and swung her hand towards the glass which shattered into her hand, a few pieces lodging into her palm. It was a hole small enough for her to put her hand in and open the latch from outside. As she done it, the window creaked open and she jumped into the small space, wiggling out of it and falling onto the ground.

Once she found herself in the alleyway she ran over to the employees door, opening it and rushing into the dance floor. Her eyes scanned the room, his usual table was empty and he wasn’t either at the bar. Her best option was to try and find him before Edward did. Although she harboured a grudge against him, she could not overpower it. She mixed with the rest of the club goers trying to look for Bucky until she spotted him moving through the crowd. She pushed a few people away, trying to reach him by yelling out his name but the music was too loud. Luckily for her, the crowds were easy enough to overcome and she finally reached him, tugging onto his jacket before he could leave.

- Hey petal. You’re on your break? - he asked, smiling down at her.

- Bucky, I need to tell you something.

- What happened to you hand? - he noticed her bleeding hand. - Did you drop a bottle? Did someone hurt you?

- Bucky, wait, I ...

- BARNES! - a voice interrupted her. The crowd screamed and stepped away as Edward held a gun up. Bucky put his arm over her shoulder to push her behind him but she stepped in front of him.

The sound of the gunshot went off, everyone was screaming and running out of the club but all she could hear was a beep. Her breath seemed to falter once to quicken again as her muscles lost force and she felt herself falling. She awaited to hit the ground but someone held her.

- FUCKING KILL HIM! - she could hear Bucky’s voice in slow motion almost as everything went darker than the club she was in.

She would’ve made such a lovely bride, what a shame she’s fucked in the head

taglist: @lookiamtrying @mariamermaid @sebastianstansqueen @unmagically @buckybarnes1982 @mela-noche @lowercasegenius @randomweirdooo @projectcampbell @sebbystanlover-vk @jevans2 @hollarious @itsallyscorner @tcc-gizmachine @saiyanprincessswanie @stuckysavedmylive @vicmc624 @sebstanfan123

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agerestorybits · 3 years

Text

morality abandoned.

(Themes of verbal abuse and neglect)

(please informing me if I need to correct the tags, thank you.)

Patton used to be taken care of. Roman and Virgil would take turns watching him but now…

Patton was little hugging his stuffed cat that he got from Roman and knocked on Roman’s door only to be ignored again. “Ro?” He called softly, clearly little. Still Roman refused him enterary.

So he left to go check if Virgil would talk to him again. It was unlikely but still he would hope before going back to bed to cry for the remainder of his time little then pick himself back up, move on and try to fix things.

Even if it never worked.

He was halfway there when he ran into Remus. “What’s a little thing like you running around alone for?” He asked seeing that Patton was regressed.

Patton sniffed and pointed at Virgil’s door.

“Mm Cg.” He muttered.

Remus nodded and let him past to the door. Patton knocked. “Vee? Can see ou now?”

“FUCK OFF!” Virgil growled from inside.

Patton jumped at the yell before his shoulders slumped and tears fell. He sat down on the floor outside Virgil’s door and hid his face in his plushie to cry. Remus stood there staring for a solid minute not moving until he got the urge to crack Virgil’s skull open down.

He went over and picked up Patton who looked at him surprised. “Wat doin?”

“You need someone to take care of you and if THAT ASSFACE is going to ignore you even if you’re little looks like I’ll pick up the slack.” Remus said yelling at Virgil’s door. He got a few steps away before Virgil opened the door.

Patton lit up seeing his caregiver. Virgil glared at him. “Who cares if he needs someone to watch him!” Virgil snapped.

“I hate to be responsible but you don’t blame a little for their big mistakes.” Remus said shifting so Patton was further away from Virgil as Patton peeked up scared of his caregiver.

Virgil snorted before looking at Patton again who burst out crying and hid his face. Hid from him. Virgil’s anger died but before he could step forward or say anything Remus took off with Patton.

---

Remus kicked open the door to Janus’ room and plopped Patton down on the bed. Janus looked up from where he was reading in the corner. “Oh..you brought a guest.”

Patton waved with one hand and dried his tears with his cat plush in the other. “Hi.”

“Guess fucking what?” Remus said pissed. Janus sighed and closed his book.

“Please don’t tell me that you-”

“They are IGNORING LITTLE HIM.” Remus said without letting Janus speak.

Janus stood up. “What?”

“He was knocking on their doors, Roman didn’t even answer and V-douche-”

“Child.” Janus reminded him before Remus could go further. Remus looked at Patton who was confusion and more than a little upset.

“Sorry Patty cake I’m not mad at you.” Remus said softly he and Janus sat down on either side of him on the bed.

“Yous not?” Patton whispered.

Janus offered him a hug, Patton crawled into his lap. “Of course not. We would never be mad at little you.” Janus promised.

Patton looked down the the stuffed cat. “Mm caregives are. They ate me now.”

“They don’t hate you.” Janus lied.

“Jan..” Remus said looking at him. Janus sighed.

“They hate you a little bit. BUT they will get over it.” Janus said.

“Hope so.” Patton hugged the cat so tightly it’s head would have popped off if it had been real.

Remus wanted to go smack the heck out of them for this. Janus put a hand on Remus’ shoulder and gave him a look.

Remus nodded. Later.

For now it was time to take care of Patton.

---

Roman and Virgil were waiting for Patton when Remus was taking him back to his room for bedtime. Patton lit up when he saw them before slumping and half hiding behind Remus.

Roman took a breath. “Patton...It’s been unfair of us to treat little you so harshly while big you was the one to cause the problems.” Patton looked hopeful.

“But we can’t handle being around you right now.” Virgil said. “So until things get resolved….we aren’t your caregivers anymore.”

Patton had tears pooling in his eyes. “Ok.” He whispered sniffling. Remus held onto Patton, and watched as Roman and Virgil left.

“Let’s get you to bed.” Remus said taking Patton into his bedroom.

Patton crawled in bed and curled up still silently crying. Remus laid down next to him and pulled him against his side. “When Virgil left I felt awful. I kept hoping that he would come back and things would be normal again.”

Patton looked at him. Remus sighed, “Sometimes people leave and we can’t change that. I’m sorry.”

Patton patted Remus’ cheek. “It k.” He paused. “Ous leave too?”

Remus hugged him tightly. “No...No I won’t leave too.” Remus promised. “I’ll stick around, can’t get rid of me. And Janus’ be here too.”

“Tank you.” Patton said. “Ous can leave thou. I a bother.”

Remus hugged Patton tighter. “Never a bother. You deserve to be little and have care while being little.” Then Remus groaned. “I’ve spent too much time with Dee.”

Patton giggled. He hugged Remus tightly as he fell asleep. Remus stared at the ceiling for hours afterwards before drifting to sleep as well. As long as he was around, Patton wasn’t going to be abandoned again.

---

Patton was waiting. He was being cared for by Remus and Janus until Ro.an and Virgil wanted him back. He never told them what he was doing but had a feeling everyone knew. Roman and Virgil did let him come back. Only, they were still mad. They didn’t say it out right but would be overly mad at him for being loud or as they said ‘annoying’.

Roman yells at him for being too loud, he runs crying silently to Janus and Remus.

Virgil yells at him for bothering him too much, he stops asking for help, making it harder for Janus and Remus to make him feel better.

They decided to ‘take breaks’ from being his caregiver again. Each break lasts longer and longer until Patton isn’t acting normal ever. Always worried and quiet. He doesn’t make jokes anymore. To check up on people not wanting to be a bother. He doesn’t show up for movie nights anymore, or eat with everyone else in the kitchen.

Remus and Janus are furious.

Janus was rocking Patton to sleep as he was little. He was in the middle of the common room and Hissed as Virgil walked passed without even acknowledging that his little needed help. That he caused him so much stress he was having nightmares. Janus sent a seathing comment, one that Virgil sent him back a glare at but didn't reply.

That morning Patton was regressed and hanging on Roman's arm as Roman walked around barely noticing him. Just speaking to him when he wanted too and Patton beaming excited at being seen. Remus was disgusted by his brother's behavior and that was saying something.

Later he found Patton curled up in his bed staring off silently as he cried. Remus pulled him into his lap and let himself cry himself out before Patton snapped out of his Regression and excused himself with an extremely fake smile. Patton made breakfast the next morning without eating himself. Roman and Virgil didn't say a word about it.

---

Logan was regressing alone. He had wanted to try and get Roman and Virgil watch after him but… Well… after seeing what happened to Patton he couldn't. So he was by himself, timing himself to build lego sets faster when Remus come in looking for Patton.

"You're little?" Remus asked.

"Yeah. Patton is too, he was by earlier. Was crying so I played a little bit too but…" Logan scowled and angrily clicked two pieces together.

"But?" Remus asked.

"Roman yelled at him. Told him to not bug me. We were having fun too!" Logan snapped as he finished the castle set and clicking the timer. He barely beat his time.

Remus hummed. Half a mind to go hunt Roman down, half a need to take care of a lonely little and probably upset one. So he picked up Logan and went in search of patton. He had two littles to cheer up and take care.

He found Patton in his room and Dropped Logan on the bed next to him. Judging from Patton’s gasp and giggle he was still little. Remus tickled him a little before putting his hands on his hips. “Sooo guess I have two little Allll to myself this afternoon!”

“Yeah!” Logan said, almost vibrating with excitement of having two playmates. Patton hugged both of them and broke down crying, startling Remus and causing Remus to gently hug him back.

“It’s ok, We’re here.” Remus soothed and pulled both of them into his lap with a little wiggling. Logan patted Patton’s back, “We can sleep together if you want. This way cuddles!” Logan really wanted cuddles and despite Patton being upset wanted the contact. Besides it would cheer both of them. And that would be for the best he thought Logically, or as logically as anyone in little space could.

“So cookies too?” Logan asked knowing that would excite Patton and cheer him up, Or at least it should.

Patton deflated more and shook his head. “Too gross.”

Remus stared at him. “Cookies aren’t gross.”

“I is. Too fat.” Patton said wiping at his tears. “Vee and Ro says so.”

Logan and Remus froze. Logan hugged Patton tightly before dragging him wordless off the bed and out of the room to go get him so many cookies. (just enough that he didn’t get sick cu that was no fun.) He was climbing up onto the counter before Remus got into the room and rushed over picking him and up ans setting him onto the ground.

“Hey!” Logan protested. Remus ignored him and got the cookies down.

“There you can each have three.” He said opening the lid. They each grabbed three Logan sneaking and Forth for Patton, Remus caught it but Let him do so. Patton needed cheering up and a little crime was good for the brain and spirit, especially cookie crimes.

They nibbled on their cookies in front of the t.v watching Blue’s clues and Dora. Remus kept his comments to the shows to himself. At least the non child friendly ones, yelling out the wrong answers to see the little’s correct him, was too cute to resist.

At bedtime Logan led them through their routine and drug Patton to Bed with him and cuddled him so tightly that he made and small squeak. Remus chuckled at that, and tucked him in. “Stay?” Patton asked, it was the first thing he asked for the whole time. Like Remus was going to turn him down.

“Scoot over.” Was the only warning they got before Remus flopped onto them.

---

Roman went to check on Patton in the morning and found him cuddling with Remus. REMUS! He managed to pull Patton aside and started yelling at him. “He’s the bad guy!” He hissed at him.

“But he helps me.” Patton stood up for Remus feeling sick but not sure why. Maybe it was just because He was being yelled at.

“He’s evil! Do you want Thomas to be evil?” That was a really low blow but Roman’s Pride had been hurt too many times by Patton going to HIS BROTHER instead of him. If Patton could just behave none of this would be a problem.

“I’m not...he’s not evil...I’m not.” Patton said, his voice dropping to a whisper. He hugged himself unsure and dropping onto his little space fast.

Roman crossed his arms and scowled. “You need to stop going to them. Thomas is going to turn out evil if you don’t. I beg you want that.”

“What? No I doesn’t!” Patton teared up. “You’re being mean.”

Roman raised his eyebrows in mock offence. “Are you BLAMING ME? I’m trying to do the right thing! That’s all it is with you isn’t it? Just blame someone else for your mistakes!” Roman pushed Patton’s shoulder none too gently.

Patton burst out crying and ran off, getting half way to Janus before freezing. He..He didn’t want Thomas to be evil. He needed to ask someone about this.

So he went to Virgil.

Virgil was pissed to be woken up and even more so that Roman was pissed off too. Not that he was standing up for Patton just that Roman didn’t seem to stand up for his fellow caregiver. “He’s right you’ve been running off to the wrong people this whole time. Who are your caregivers?”

“You and Ro.” Patton whispered confused and scared that he was getting yelled at.

Virgil nodded and smiled, “That’s right. Good job bud.” Patton smiled happy that Virgil seemed happy.

He would be better, he had to be. He nodded and left to think. He would be better.

---

He started avoid everyone, Scared of Ro and Vee, worried that he was messing up with Re and Jan. Both sides of sides blaming the others for Patton’s behavior turning Patton into a weapon to hurt the others.

Every day seems to be endless arguing between the two sets of caregivers, they argue back and forth. Patton hasn't went back to Janus or Remus at all ever sense his caregivers told him that he could make Thomas evil, and the guilt of avoiding him has been eating him up tremendusly. He wanted to desperatly run off to Remus and Janus, but he knew that his caregivers would yell at him.

Todays fight ended up being the worst one out of the whole week, Janus ending up shouting something that triggered Virgil badly. Roman rebuted loudly shouting stuff like, "This is why you aren't accepted" and "This is why YOU are a bad guy!"

Over the past week, Patton has just been silently breaking down, trying not to get in the way, the last time he tried, Roman shoved him and told him to back off and Virgil snarled at him. Patton didn't know what to do.

Remus was finally over it and finally shouted, "IF YOU ARE SUCH GOOD CAREGIVERS THEN WHY DOESN'T LOGAN EVER COME TO YOU HUH?? YOU MESSED UP WITH PATTON SO HE DOESN'T WANT TO BE THERE EITHER, SUCH GOOOOOOOOD CAREGIVERS"

Patton melts down, he didn't want this, he didn't want everyone to be upset, he ruined everything, now Logi can't even regress around anyone because of him.

Logan noticed the loud noise and went to investigate, finding Patton curled up crying in the corner, hands over his ears as the other four screamed at each other. He was quick to get a shaking Patton out of there and safely to his room dropping as he went. He was in a bit of an older headspace so he was able to get Patton into his bed and rock him until the younger little wasn’t shaking anymore.

“I’m sorry!” They both cried. Patton for feeling like he messed everything up and Logan for not stepping up before in or out of Littlespace. Even if neither of them were to blame the guilt ate at them and apologizing for it make them feel a tiny bit better. Enough that Patton could fall and asleep and Logan remained awake to watch over him.

Meanwhile Remus and Janus noticed that the Little was gone and all four of the Caregivers where in a race to find him before Remus thought to check Logan’s room, Remus and Janus burst in first followed quickly by Roman and Virgil.

Logan held up a finger in his lips glare at him. “He’s asleep.” He whispered fiercely.

Remus and Janus silently went over to the bed while Roman and Virgil left feeling...guilty Thoughts a mess.

Maybe Remus and Janus were right.

What did that make them?

---

Patton woke up to breakfast, one that everyone insisted he eat with them. Logan was still little and much to Patton’s delight was being cared for by Remus and Janus, as well was he was. Remus and Janus took up being His permanent caregiver, Roman and Virgil giving up the role much to Patton’s dismay yet relief.

Things went to a new normal. Patton slowly became more used to being with Remus and Janus. Even with Logan.

He still saw Roman and Virgil around, It was hard but getting easier the more time they were nicer to him. They still had work to do on themselves. Some days they were bitter and ignored him still, those days were hard. But, they would come back later and apologize and that helped some what.

Patton was sitting on Janus’ lap, Logan on Remus’ both with cookies as they watched cartoons.

He felt safe and most importantly, loved.

#gaslighting #abuse #verbal abuse #Agere patton #agere logan #cg virgil #cg roman #cg remus #cg janus

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theshelbyclan · 4 years

Text

Remember

Summary: Requested as: The idea is, there's the shelby sis (older than Finn) and she's taken from the family as a child & they only find her years later when she's around 20. When they find her she doesn't say a word cause she was treated poorly where she was during those years. And they all are overwhelmed with her not speaking. They see her talking to a friend later & ask the friend about her and they explain that. She starts talkin days later and lots of fluff:)

A/N: This was requested by @vikingsxf, thanks so much! Also, this is the first ever story I’ve written on request, please don’t judge me too harshly... I changed it a little, but hope you still like it!

Words: 3574

***

It had been years since you’d last seen Birmingham. Home. There it was, on top of the hill and still at quite a distance, but you could see the smoke was rising and the people were buzzing like flies. It didn’t feel like home, but a part of you knew it had always been home.

For the last few years you’d been traveling alone. This was a dangerous thing to do for a woman on her own. But you’d dressed as a boy and stayed with good people, with traveling people mainly. They didn’t trust you much at first, but when you’d spoken their language, they usually let you it. Still, this life was a lot safer than where you’d come from. You remembered it all. “Y/N!” you spun around to find the old man looking at you, “He wants to talk to you.” Releasing Birmingham once again, you turned away and walked over to the vardo where you’d been summoned. Right now, you were traveling with the Lee’s and they’d been all right. Not great, but no trouble either. The problem now was you were officially grown-up and passing like a boy was getting harder and harder. Johnny Dogs was also travelling with the Lee’s and he’d figured you out straight away. He was gracious enough however to never mention it. “Talk to that horse for me, will ya? He won’t listen to me.” You scoffed, internally laughing at him because he was supposed to have a way with horses.

He winked at you, “It’s the white one, by the river. Wash her for me.” You walked a little with him and admired the white horse. A young boy was washing her in the river, but he had a hard time controlling the horse as well. She didn’t like to be handled, didn’t like to be touched, and you and the horse understood each other at once. “Keep still, sweetheart,” you whispered as you approached the horse gently, “It’s just you and me. We’ll be okay.” The horse followed you meekly. “Huh!” Johnny elbowed the young boy in the side as he pointed at you, “What did I say? Proper gypsy that one, when it comes to horses.” You smiled at them both and walked the horse over to another wagon to get her brushed. Like a ritual you petted and groomed her. Her nose was touching your back every few seconds to let you know she agreed with it. As you worked, thoughts you’d rather kept locked away popped up in your head. Images flashed of dark spaces, doors being locked, children being beaten and pain stinging your back. Your childhood had been rough, taken at a young age and brought to a place of screams. It haunted you, but it also embarrassed you. You never quite trusted yourself to speak after that. The beautiful horse pulled suddenly, spooked by a noise. You looked up and saw some fancy car approaching on the grass. You knew men like that had no business here and your mind was racing at the possible scenarios. What if they came for you, to take you back? Silently, you moved behind the horse and watched as they got out. They were too far away to see, but Johnny seemed to know them. There was no way you were going back. Beckoning the boy and handing him the rag to groom the horse, you edged away invisibly. Walking through the field, hiding behind the wagons, you tried to disappear. You climbed a tree to wait until they’d gone, because strangely enough, people never really look up. The leader of the group talked to Johnny, while the three other brothers stood back. “How’s life, Johnny?” “Not bad, I’m traveling with the Lee’s now.” “So I’ve heard, any news?” You listened to the conversation intently. There was something familiar about it, but you couldn’t quite place it. Suddenly, the speaker looked up and saw one of your bare feet dangling from the sky. Johnny saw him look and explained, “New boy. Joined us recently.” “Where from?” “No idea,” Johnny shrugged, “Doesn’t really speak that one.” You were frozen up that tree. Luckily they had other things on their minds apparently and they flipped a coin for it. The older brother shouted something and the Lee’s by the river were laughing. Before you could even blink, a fight had ensued. Your pretty white horse was now definitely spooked and without thinking about it, you walked over to her to calm her down. “You know horses?” A low voice asked behind you. Your stomach dropped. You didn’t turn around, but just continued to pet the horse, while whispering her own language into her ear. Part of you hoped you could still walk away, without them really seeing you. One of the men took your arm gently and tried to turn you around. But all instincts kicked in and you spun around to punch him square in the nose. His head flew back, he cursed intensely, and you immediately regretted your decision. In panic, you tried to make a run for it. The older brother had now taken hold of your hand. A small smile tugged at his mouth and he tried to calm you down by locking eyes with you. Pale blue eyes, identical to yours, were looking at you. And he felt it too. “What’s your name?” he asked you. You just stared at him. “A girl able to do that to my brother should at least be able to identify herself.” So he knew you weren’t a boy. You still kept silent. He could see you were seriously afraid, so tried a different approach, “My name’s Thomas Shelby and I apologize for the mess we’ve caused here at the camp. I also apologize for my brother’s ways.” “The fuck are you apologizing to her for?” said brother protested, still holding his nose and blood oozing through his fingers, “Think she broke my nose.” You could only suck in your breath and whisper, “Shelby…” Thomas looked at you again, completely ignoring his brother. Alarm bells were going off in his head and some old memory was nagging at his brain, “Y/N? Is that you?” Completely frozen on the spot, you had no way of reacting. You hadn’t been called by your real name in years. This wasn’t what you’d been looking for, you didn’t even want it and here it was: you were looking at your brother. Tommy himself was shocked and he let go of you at once. He took a few steps back and thought about it all for a while. Guilt, anger and sorrow washed over him all at once, but none of it was shown on his face. Walking over to Johnny, he said, “Take her to Small Heath, to Uncle Charlie. Calm her down and take the horse. Then get Ada.” “Tommy, what in the hell is going on here?” He looked back at you for a second, “I’ve found my sister, Johnny.”

*** Uncle Charlie brought back more memories for you, but they were mainly good ones. You remembered the smell of the place, how you used to sleep in the hay and the horses, always, the horses. He too tried to make conversation with you after Johnny had told him what Tommy had said, but quickly found that you simply didn’t speak. Johnny left again and that meant you were on your own with Curly. Curly talked non-stop and you instantly liked him. He didn’t mind that you were different or that you were so quiet, he just talked horses. The sounds of high heels suddenly filled the yard. Ada Shelby rounded the corner and looked at you with big eyes, “Y/N,” she said, “You’re back.” When she pulled you into an embrace, your first instinct was to push her away. But this was your sister and you’d missed her so much. None of it had been her fault, so you just let her. There was very little you remembered from before being taken, you were only three at the time, but you remembered that older sister of eight, always there to hold your hand. And in seconds, you’d lost it all. “Come on,” Ada urged, “let’s get you home.” You shook your head, eyes speaking plainly that you didn’t want to. “Why not, sweetheart? Aunt Polly can’t wait to see you, and your brothers just want to talk to you.” Anger flashed through your eyes now as it bubbled up inside you. If they’d want to talk to you so badly, why didn’t they ever look for you? Ada pulled you down and sat next to you in the hay, “Tell me.” You just couldn’t. Carefully she whispered, “What happened to you?” Too much. “You don’t have to tell me, if you don’t want to,” Ada smiled a little at her younger sister, “But is there anything I can do for you? Get someone maybe?” Your eyes immediately shot up and you nodded. There was one person you were dying to talk to and she was still back at the camp by the river. She’d been like a sister to you for many years. Just thinking that was painful now. Ada promptly got to work and ordered Johnny to get the girl from the camp. Thomas was watching Charlie’s yard from a distance. He saw a gypsy girl approaching and moments later his sister and the girl were talking. They were talking. His sister didn’t say a word to him, but she could talk. Tommy beckoned little Finn to come over and ordered him to get John and Arthur to follow that girl. As his youngest brother had left again, he felt the emotion of it all tightening his throat. His sister had been hurt, badly.

*** The two brothers walked silently, but on a mission. John had been only six when you were taken, but Arthur had been 14 already. He remembered it well. They found their sister’s friend down at a pub and Arthur was the first one to approach her, “Y/N. You know her.” “So what if I do?” the girl threw back. “Why won’t she speak to us?” The girl scoffed, “Why would she?” She stood up to walk away, but Arthur grabbed her arm roughly. Seeing this wasn’t working, John pulled Arthur’s hand away and talked more gently to her, “Please. She’s our sister and we haven’t seen her for sixteen years. She was taken from us and we need to know what happened to her.” “Why?” “To kill the bastard that took her,” Arthur replied quickly. The gyspy girl seemed to be sizing up both Shelby’s. One was a brute and ready to kill everyone who’d ever hurt you, with his bare hands if he had to. This was good, let him. The other one was softer, concerned and maybe even a little hurt. “How do you even know she’s your sister?” “Because she has Tommy’s eyes and she broke my nose,” John said. This was good enough for her and she laughed at his answer. They were alright, but she wasn’t sure if you could ever trust them again, “She thinks the family gave her up.” “What?” “And that’s why you never looked for her.” Arthur softened a little too, for the first time, “We never stopped looking.” Seeing the truth in their eyes, the friend started telling them what she knew. She told them of the orphanage you were send to, where you’d refused to obey anyone. How they’d send you to the asylums after that, where you were beaten and imprisoned for years. How you kept on escaping, but was always brought back. How you’d been out for four years now, after an escape attempt had finally been successful. And lastly, how you’d been moving around with travellers now, dressed as a boy.

*** You knew none of this, but were still with the horses at Charlie’s. A few days had passed already and you knew you couldn’t stay there forever. Charlie knew the same thing. “Go on,” he said to you one day, “Go home to your brothers. They may be mad, the lot of them, but they never gave up looking for you, Y/N. Go and talk to them.”

Walking into Small Heath on bare feet felt somehow like a victory to you. Men gave you looks, so you felt for the knife hidden under your trousers. They wouldn’t be the first ones you stabbed. You stepped inside the house and hardly had any time to recognise the small house decorated as a vardo. Immediately Aunt Polly flung herself around your neck. Sobs were coming from her. She sat you down at the table and made you tea. You looked at it for a moment and shook your head. Tommy cocked one eyebrow and poured you a glass of whiskey. In one movement you downed the glass. John smirked, “Welcome home, Shelby…” “Sweetheart, talk to us. Who hurt you?” Aunt Polly urged. “I’ll fix it,” Arthur grumbled, “I’ll kill them all for you, Y/N.” “No need,” you said, speaking for the first time, “The man who took me is dead. I stabbed him in his sleep.” Your voice was more stable than they’d imagined. Thomas sighed, sat down next to you and poured you another drink. Then he slowly rolled another cigarette and lit it. “They said they were from the parish,” Polly said. You laughed coldly, “If he was, why did he take me to an orphanage first, but still came ‘round when I was taken into the asylum. He wanted me for something else.” Polly looked hurt, “We didn’t know.” “Well you fucking should have,” you spat, “Sixteen years you had and I never heard anything from any of you.” “We fucking should have, yes,” Arthur agreed at once, “Dad was no use and I was the eldest. We did try to find you, Y/N, but there were no traces of you anywhere.” “They changed your name,” Polly added softly, “They always do.” “I tried to get mum to talk about it,” Ada said, “But it was too painful for her. All her children were too painful for her after that. Seeing us reminded her of your absence, and it hurt. Hurt so badly she never was the same after that.” Arthur cast his head down at the memory, “Then the war came and all records got lost. We got packed off to France and the whole world went shit…” “We’re not here to make excuses,” Tommy said, “We will find the people responsible and deal with them. You just rest and forget about where you’ve been.” He started to get up from the table. In a sudden outburst of emotion, you grabbed the glass he’d just filled and threw it at him. It spattered apart in small shards on the wall next to his head. A loud roar, a scream coming from deep within, burst from you and Thomas just stared at you, frozen. “How the fuck am I supposed to forget?” you bellowed, “How the fuck am I supposed to sleep? Tell me, big brother who seems to know everything, how do I do that? I am fucking haunted by what happened. I dream of being locked up, of getting whipped and them touching me. I have the scars on my back and the chaos in my mind! And the fucked up part is, that I was always on my own during it all. None of you were fucking there, and now I’m supposed to simply forget?!” You got up and walked over to Tommy, “Tell me, how do I forget?” Your face was now inches from his, and slapping your own temple you shouted, “How do I clear my head and fucking stop remembering?” Then you whispered tortured, “Tell me how.” Thomas cleared his throat. Then he took your face in his hands and tried to wipe some of the tears off your face that had started falling down in anger, “Y/N, I’m sorry, eh? I didn’t mean to make light of it. But we can’t take it back, and I fucking hate that.” His own voice showed anger now, “Every night, I dream of France. I’m back in the tunnels and I can’t get the mud and smoke out of my brains, however much I try. You’re right. You can’t forget. I’m sorry I said you should.”

You let your forehead rest against his and the two of you stood there for a moment, breathing heavily. Tommy touched your cheek lightly, “But you’ll be alright. You might not see it now and you might not know how, but you’ll be alright.” And then you just let go. You started crying and crying, and it was like everything just only started to come in now. “It’s alright, Y/N, it’s alright,” Tommy whispered while stroking your hair. “We’re here now.” He took your face in his hands again and smiled at you, “You’ve been so strong and I’m so proud of you.” “I never wanted to be strong,” you whispered, “I just wanted to survive.” “I know, princess,” Tommy used his old nickname for you, “You don’t have to be any longer. We’ll take care of you.” His face brightened a little and he added, “even though you don’t need it, seeing what you did to John’s nose!” “Y/N did that?” Polly laughed at John, “Hasn’t changed much.”

Everyone was silent for a little while. You just had to keep reminding yourself that this was real. You were really home and this was your family. Things would get better, slowly, but they’d get better. “Y/N?” John started, “Remember how we used to play with dad’s old bottles? I used to pile them up in a tower and you’d throw them all down. You used to laugh so hard at that.” You smiled at the memory. Happier memories were flowing back into your mind, slowly brightening the dark place in there. “Oh, I remember,” Thomas untangled himself from your embrace with a small smile, “You used to steal tiny things from dad and when you got caught, acted like a little princess to get away with it. That’s why I used to call you that.” “I used to steal the keys at the asylum, extra food and anything to get my hands on, just to find a way out. I can steal anything.” “That’s my girl,” John said proudly. Ada joined in in the storytelling, “I remember when you were born. I was so happy to have another girl in the family, with all those boys all over the place. Mum was too.” “You were the sweetest little thing, tiny at birth,” Polly said, “but with those pale eyes and jet-black hair to match. You used to fall asleep on my lap when I was peeling potatoes. Do you remember that?” “I do,” you took your aunt’s hands as you sat back down again and could see a single tear rolling down her cheek.

“Remember when we lost her, Tommy?” Arthur looked at his brother, “That night in the summer and we were all panicking for hours. Turns out Y/N had just fallen asleep in the hay next to the horses.” “You still have your way with horses.” Thomas looked at you again, “Just as you have your way with brothers. You used to be an angel, but if any of us picked you up without you wanting to, you’d kick and scream. The whole neighbourhood thought we were murdering you!” “Maybe you should listen to me more often,” you replied, grinning too.

“We will now,” Tommy said.

You suddenly felt overwhelmingly tired and you laid your head forwards onto you aunt’s lap, “I’m so tired, Poll.”

“I’ll get the potatoes then!” Ada got up and brushed your head for a moment, “And we’ll have to do something about that hair of yours. Looks like it hasn’t seen a brush in years! You can scream again when I do it, just like old times.”

“I’ve missed you, little sister,” Arthur locked eyes with you and smiled warmly, “Welcome home.”

“Yeah, we have a lot of catching up to do! Maybe I could throw you out the window again, for old times’ sake,” John joked.

“Shut up, John,” you mumbled.

“Leave the girl be,” Thomas said, “she’s had enough trouble in life without you fuckers as it is.”

“Will you be alright?” Polly asked as she stroked your hair slowly.

“I will be.”

Thomas took another drag from his cigarette and nodded, “You will be.”

There was a calmness washing over you that you hadn’t felt in years. And slowly, you started recognising and remembering the way each of them expressed it, but Ada was the one to actually say it in the end.

“We love you, Y/N.”

***

Masterlist

2K notes · View notes

animeyanderelover · 3 years

Note

I'd love to see prompt 42. “You have no idea how far I’m willing to go for you.” with Itachi! Maybe in a non-massacre au?

Seems like fun!

Warnings: Yandere themes, unhealthy mindset, unhealthy relationship, harassment, stalking, threatening, manipulation, killing

Prompt 42: “You have no idea how far I’m willing to go for you.”

“And now I’m in a team with this idiot Naruto and this stupid girl Sakura who is so annoying.” You couldn’t help, but smile a bit when hearing Sasuke’s complaints. Today the teams had been assigned and it was obvious that Sasuke wasn’t happy with his. “But your sensei is Kakashi, the copy ninja. That’s a good thing.” You suddenly heard a scoff besides you and turned with a raised eyebrow to Itachi who had a knowing smile on his face. “What was that just now?” “If you would know Kakashi a bit better you would change your mind about him being a good sensei.”, he replied slightly teasing. You blinked confused, not understanding what he meant. But before you could ask him he suddenly stood up. “Leaving already? Man, I’m lucky that I’m not part of the Anbu. You have literally no free time. And you even invited me in here so we could spend more time together.”, you said jokingly. Itachi chuckled slightly and replied:”I’m sorry for disappointing you. If you would like let me make it up for you.” “And how?”, you asked him. “Meet me tomorrow night. I want to tell you something.” When he mentioned this you noticed how the rest of his family members shared a knowing and somewhat nervous look at each other. “Why are you staring at each other like this?” “It’s nothing!”, all of them quickly answered.

“C-can you repeat that again?”, you asked and stared with wide eyes at Itachi. “I love you.” You felt the heat rushing to your cheeks. You couldn’t believe it. The Itachi Uchiha had just confessed to you! You who wasn’t even an Uchiha! You who wasn’t even a shinobi! You who was a no one! “I-Itachi! I’m not even an Uchiha or a ninja at all! I’m just a normal citizen! Consider all of this and think about what your family would think!”, you told him panicked. “(y/n), I really couldn’t care less about your status. You’re strong in your own way and my family really likes you. Especially Sasuke and my mother.” You tried to say something in return, but nothing came out. You just stood there, not knowing what to say, your mind having went blank. You bit your bottom lip, feeling conflicted. You didn’t think of yourself as worthy to be the one who Itachi loved. You were just a crackhead. You had always wished for Itachi to find someone who could support him better than you because you could do nothing at all. That and the fact that you and Itachi had been friends since childhood. You had always admired Itachi for how talented and strong he was, being a bit jealous of all the things he was able to do with his eyes. Itachi had always been there for you and you had always been there for him, especially after his best friend Shisui had died. He had always been your friend, your protector, a person you could rely on. But you had never seen him in this way. “I understand that all of this is right now a bit much to take in. You don’t need to answer me now. You can give me your answer in a week.” You looked him in the eyes. He had a soft look in his eyes whilst looking at you. “Alright. By the end of this week.” You couldn’t bring yourself to tell him in that moment that you didn’t feel the same. You just wanted to buy some time to figure out a way to reject him without hurting him too much.

“(y/n)? What are you doing here?” You were a coward. A true coward. But you couldn’t bring yourself to tell Itachi your rejection personally. “I wanted to see you.” Sasuke tilted his head, not believing you. “Aaaand I wanted to ask you for a favor.”, you added. He sighed and shook his head. “What is it?” You pulled out a small box and handed it to Sasuke. “Can you give Itach this?” Sasuke grabbed the box and eyed it from all angels. “What is that?” “It’s a surprise for him.”, you answered. Sasuke carefully shook the box, trying to find out from listening what was inside the box. “It doesn’t sound like there’s very much in.”, he stated after a few seconds, “What’s inside?” “If I tell you it isn’t a surprise anymore.”, you replied. “Come on. I won’t tell him. I promise.” You sighed before answering:”It’s a letter.” Sasuke’s eyebrow raised. “A letter?” For a moment he didn’t seem to understand before a look of realization crossed his face. “Today’s the end of the week...” So he knew about that? You weren’t surprised given the fact that Sasuke and his older brother had always shared a very close bond. “What did you answer him?” You tensed up when Sasuke asked you that. What now? You just pressed your lips together and turned your gaze towards the ground, giving Sasuke all the answers that he needed. It became quiet for a few moments before you heard him slowly stepping away. “Sasuke!” He stopped when you called his name. “Are you...angry with me?” You heard him sigh before he turned around to look at you. “No, I’m not. You’re still my friend. But...” He stopped and looked at the box in his hands. “But my brother really likes you. I...he’s been in love with you for so long now. I don’t know if he’ll handle this well.” Great. He made you feel even more like trash than you already felt. “I...I’m sorry.”

You had never imagined that your life would turn so swiftly so tricky. How long had it been since you gave Sasuke that box? Around two weeks and you hadn’t received any message from Itachi since then, making you suspect the worst. But you couldn’t blame him. It must be hard to be rejected by the person you’ve been in love with for years. You really hoped that this event wouldn’t ruin your friendship. You treasured this friendship very much and would suffer greatly if you would lose this. Alongside with this another...nuisance had appeared in form of a young man. You had known him for quite some time now because both of you worked in the same place and co-workers had often told you that he seemed to have interest in him. But you didn’t! He was just an arrogant jerk in your opinion, thinking to highly of himself. He had never made much moves on you before, but recently he had gotten a lot more bolder, often flirting with you or suddenly popping up next to you and not leaving you, no matter how much you asked him too. At first it had been only annoying, nothing else. But that specific day was when things really turned upside down.

“Goddamn it! Dai! Don’t you get it?! I don’t like you! Leave me alone!” “But you didn’t even give me a chance yet. If you would give me a chance I’m sure you’ll change your mind.” You scoffed. “Keep on dreaming if you want to. That’s never going to happen.” You wanted to leave, but he quickly stepped in front of you. “Hey! I won’t let you leave until you’ve agreed to give it at least a shot!” You clenched your fists, trying your hardest to stay composed. “I don’t need to give this a shot. I already know that this won’t work. By the way, I know what you’re like. You drop a girl as soon as you’ve lost interest in her. And I absolutely despise guys who only play with people’s feelings. So get out of my way!” “Or else what? Are you going to call your Uchiha friend again?” You froze when you heard this. “What?” Dai grinned. “Your knight in shining armor came a few days ago over to warn me to stay away from you. I’ve heard rumors that you rejected him, didn’t you?” You started shaking. “You accuse me of playing with people’s feelings? But are you any better? You hurt his feelings as well, not like I care. I mean the incident a few years ago with the suicide is still not completely forgotten and there are even rumors that some people of his clan suspect him as the-“ “Wham!” Your punch sent him flying to the ground, blood starting to pour out his nose. “Don’t you even dare to talk about him like this!! You have no right to judge him!! You don’t know him!! If you talk bad about him one more time I swear I’ll punch your face until you lose that disgusting grin of yours!!” For a few seconds Dai just sat there on the ground, looking stunned before his face twisted into an angry expression. “You little brat.” He stood angrily up and walked towards you, making you realize that he was at least one and a half heads taller than you. He lifted angrily his hand, ready to hit you. “Slam!” You blinked shocked, feeling the burning pain on your cheek. From the corner of your eyes you noticed how he lifted his hands again.

But before he got the change to hit you a second time he was suddenly flipped backwards and landed harshly on the ground. He yelled painfully when someone kicked him so harshly that he flew a few meters before crashing onto the ground. The next moment you felt someone pulling you behind him. That’s when you realized who it was. Itachi! When had he gotten here? You realized that something wasn’t right with him the moment you catched a glimpse of his eyes. His Sharingan! It looked different. “You...I warned you.” You shivered when you heard his voice. It was calm like always, but there was a dangerous undertone in his voice and when you looked closer he was shaking, staring intensely at the man in front of him. At this rate you were scared that Itachi would do something stupid. So you did the first thing that came to your mind. You quickly covered his eyes with one of your hands whilst you hugged his waist with the other. “Itachi! Calm your ass down! You don’t think clearly right now! Stop it before you do something stupid!” When he felt your touches and heard your voice he tensed up. Now that you were hugging him you could feel how intense he was shaking, even his breath was trembling. Itachi slowly grabbed both of your hands, letting his hands linger there as if trying to calm down. After a while you could feel how he slowly stopped shaking and his breathing became more steady. He turned his head around. “You can remove your hand now.” You slowly pulled the hand on his eyes away, seeing that his eyes had turned back to the normal Sharingan. Itachi’s eyes instantly snapped to the red mark on your cheeks and a dark look crossed his face. He turned angrily to Dai who was laying on the ground, trembling in fear. Itachi just glared at him, saying nothing before grabbing you by the hands, pulling you away from the scene. If only you could have known how things would turn out later.

“No... Please tell me you didn’t.” Itachi didn’t say anything, just giving you a sad and guilty look. “You...you killed him?”, you asked shocked. Itachi looked away, not being able to bear your disappointed and sad expression anymore. “So you did...” Your brain just refused to let the truth sink in. It had been a few weeks since the accident with Dai and he had only been found a few days ago in his house, laying dead inside his living room without any trace of wounds on his body. A little bit further investigation had led the police force to find out that he had taken an overdose and a few friends had confirmed that he had some drug problems so with that the case had been finished. But not for you. At first you had believed it too, but a few days later a friend of Dai had arrived at your house and had handed you a letter, telling you that Dai had handed it to him secretly as if fearing if someone would find out he would be done for. The letter had consisted out of two sentences which were:”I’m being watched. I think it’s him.” A normal person wouldn’t have understood what that meant, but you had witnessed the scene back then and immediately understood what Dai had wanted to say to you with this. At first you had not believed it, but then you recalled the tone of Itachi’s voice and his Sharingan and suddenly you had started to get a really bad feeling, deciding to confront him about this alone. At that time you had still not believed it enough.

But he had just confirmed with his silence that he had killed Dai. “Itachi...why?” Your heartbroken voice caused him to flinch slightly before answering you:”After that incident I started watching him. (y/n), he was planning to hurt you. I couldn’t let this happen.” Dai had wanted to hurt you? You were not surprised, knowing that this guy had possessed a very rotten character, but still. “But why killing? I understand that he was a really bad guy, but with your abilities you could have easily brought him into jail.” “I know that. But that wasn’t enough for me.” There it was again. The same dark voice he had used when talking to Dai. You looked scared at Itachi. “At the beginning I really wanted to bring him to jail, but then I started remembering the incident with him and suddenly...it didn’t feel right for me anymore. He hurt you and planned to do it again. And that despite the warning I gave him. He deserved to suffer.” You had taken a few steps back from Itachi, his whole aura having suddenly switched to something more dangerous. “That isn’t like you. You wouldn’t go that far. Especially against a villager.” Itachi slowly lifted his head, looking you directly in your eyes. Your breath hitched in your throat. His eyes had their normal onyx black color, but something was off. They looked somewhat dull and you could see a certain evilness inside of them. “You have no idea how far I’m willing to go for you.”

Your heart stopped beating for a second when you heard this, the darkness behind this words making you trembling in fear. Whoever that was standing right in front of you, it wasn’t Itachi. Your brain suddenly started searching for a way to get out of this and you couldn’t remember that you had ever thought that quickly, going through all possible chances. Fighting him was ridiculous. You weren’t a shinobi and even if you would have been, there was no way you could ever beat Itachi. Running awsy seemed at the first second like an better idea before you realized that this wasn’t a good idea either. You were very athletic, but not nearly as much as him. It would be only a question of minutes until he would catch you. Screaming for help wouldn’t be helpful either given the fact how isolated this area was and even if you would try to start screaming you didn’t know how Itachi would start acting and you preferred to not find out. Trying to reason with him? No, that wouldn’t get you out of this either.

You came to a conclusion. You wouldn’t get out of this scenario. “What are you going to do with me now? Are you going to kill me?” You couldn’t help, but let this question slip from your tongue. It got a clear reaction from Itachi. He tensed up and stared at you shocked. “(y/n)... I-I would never do that.” He stepped closer to you and you instantly jumped back. “No! Stay right there! I can’t believe that you did this! You’re a goddamn leaf shinobi! There were more legal ways to punish this guy and you knew that! Just what were you thinking?! Do you even know what will happen to you if someone finds this out?! How do you think will your family feel about this?! You...You are a mons-“ In the blink of an eye Itachi suddenly appeared behind you and silenced you by putting his one hand above your mouth whilst pulling you with the other by your waist closer to him. You muffled out your protests, but shut up when you looked him in the eyes and saw that he had activated his Sharingan. For a few moments both of you stayed in this position before he slowly pulled his hand away.

“Why do you do this? I thought you said you loved me.” Tears started to escape your eyes and you grabbed his hand which was holding your waist, trying to get some response from him. “I thought that at the beginning too, but the more time passed the more I realized that it wasn’t love. It was something much more stronger. At first I tried to erase this dark emotions, but they didn’t go away. So I started hiding them, but sometimes they take control over me and I can’t do anything against it. It almost feels like...I’m another person during these times.” They took sometimes control over him? You swallowed the growing lump in your throat back, deciding to ask this final question. “Itachi...Was this the first time that you killed someone for me?” A few excruciating seconds of silence passed before he answered you. “No.” Your knees gave away under you and if it wouldn’t have been for Itachi you would have collapsed. “Oh god. What now? What are you going to do now? I know the truth! What are you going to do now! Tell me!” You started to sob, not knowing what else to do. “I made sure to not let any traces lead to me so I guess I should be fine. My father is also part of the police force and no one except you and me know what happened there. And I made sure that this guy wouldn’t let anyone else know. I guess I underestimated him a bit. But I would still advice you to not tell anybody about this.”

“Or what?” Itachi just looked at you, the three black dots in his eyes starting to swirl around. “You don’t want to find out.” You knew that he had just threatened you and you also knew that if you didn’t want to get in a even worse situation than you were already in you should listen. It was a total defeat. So you decided to just cry it all out. “I can’t believe it. You...I hate you.”, you sobbed out. Itachi’s eyes turned back to normal and he had a sad, but accepting look on his face. “I know. I hate myself too for doing this.” He wrapped his another arm around you, pulling you even closer to his chest. “I’m sorry. Forgive me for my selfishness.”

#yandere naruto #yandere naruto shippuden #yandere itachi #yandere itachi uchiha

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hrtiu · 3 years

Text

@flybynite19 come get your man.

Brit’ni haunted the long aisles of the Coruscant Public Convention Halls, her eyes darting from stall to stall. This was the biggest Galaxy of Heroes miniature convention in the Republic, and if she didn’t find it here, she wouldn’t find it anywhere. Finally, in a sketchy-looking booth in one of the auxiliary wings, she saw it.

It was perfect. A mint-condition figure with articulated arms, first-edition armor, and no helmet. It was almost impossible to find a figure of Captain Tabbard without a helmet, and Brit’ni couldn’t wait to get her hands on it.

She reached out. “How much for-?”

Another hand grabbed the package just before her, blocking her fingers from her prize.

“What’s the price?” the interloper asked.

Brit’ni turned on her rival, ready to throw hands if necessary. “Excuse me! I was here first!”

A Human man blinked back at her from behind huge, yellow-tinted goggles. “As you can see, my hand reached the package first. I believe that means I have dibs.”

“Look, buddy. Just because you have slightly faster twitch reflexes than me doesn’t mean you get this figure. I’ve been looking for it for forever and I saw it first. Run along.” She tightened her grip around his bony fingers and shot him a death glare, then flicked her gaze to the shopkeeper.

The Ithorian man backed away slowly and raised his hands, his translator sputtering out his apologies. “The price is 70 credits. Whoever can pay gets it. Don’t drag me into this.”

“Please let go of my purchase,” the Human in the goggles said. “I don’t have time for this.”

“I’m not letting go until Captain Tabbard is in my bag. Got it, Goggles?”

He wrinkled his nose and shook his head disapprovingly. “This stalemate is productive to neither of us. I propose a compromise.”

“What, you get the head, I get the body? No way.”

“As humorous as that would be, I was thinking something more mutually beneficial. You seem to be an avid collector, and I have several pieces that might be of interest to you.”

Brit’ni leaned closer to him, but didn’t loosen her grip on the figure. “Something more interesting than a first-edition Captain Tabbard? I don’t think so.”

“If you’re a fan of Captain Tabbard, I’d imagine you also enjoy the Chandrilan Guard. But there aren’t any figures for the standard Chandrilan Guard armor. I happen to have a custom pattern made for their armor. I’d be willing to share as many molds as you’d like if you are interested in creating the whole set.”

Brit’ni salivated at the thought. A whole set of custom CG figures? She’d been doing her best to make her own over the years, but with new resources… She’d be unstoppable.

“You have my attention…”

“We split the cost, 50/50. We store the figure in a locker at Coruscant Central. Then we meet up next week. I show you the goods and we decide on the deal. If you don’t want my customs, you take the figure and we go our separate ways. If you do, we make the trade.”

Brit’ni narrowed her eyes at him. “It didn’t take you very long to come up with this plan.”

He shrugged. “I’m smart.”

Brit’ni leaned closer to him, staring him right in those yellow-tinted eyes. She wasn’t in the habit of trusting strangers on a planet like Coruscant—especially not lately. But she really wanted those customs.

“Deal.”

---

“Your name is Tech?” Brit’ni asked doubtfully as they walked down to the magtrain platform together.

“That’s what I just said.”

“Ok, sure,” Brit’ni said. What was it to her if he gave her a fake name? They didn’t need to be best buddies or anything.

“We live in a galaxy of billions of planets, populated by thousands of unique species, each with their own distinctive regional subcultures. I don’t see why ‘Tech’ should be a particularly unusual name, considering.”

Brit’ni laughed and shook her head. “Ok, now I get where you got your name.”

They swiped their muni chits and stepped onto the waiting magtrain, finding a spot near the back where they could both comfortably hold to the hand rails. It was a weekend so the train wasn’t as crowded as it would be during rush hour, but Brit’ni still barely felt like she had room to breathe. Just a few inches from her, Tech’s eyes darted back and forth across the magtrain car and he shifted his weight from one foot to the other.

“New to Coruscant?” she asked.

He looked up in surprise, like he’d forgotten she was there. “...Yes.” His expression was oddly guarded, and Brit’ni raised her hands reassuringly.

“You just look like I did when I was still new to the magtrains. Eventually you’ll get used to the close quarters.”

His shoulders relaxed and he nodded. “So many variables, with all these people around. Too many unknowns for my taste. And sentient life is so… unpredictable.”

“Well, I don’t know if I’d put it quite like that but I think I get you. There’s a reason we collect little plastoid figures, right?”

A single eyebrow peaked out above Tech’s goggles and he tapped his chin thoughtfully. “I hadn’t thought about it like that before, but perhaps you are right.”

The magtrain shuddered as it rounded a turn on the old track, and Brit’ni clutched her precious Captain Tabbard tighter to herself.

Why so much interest in Captain Tabbard?” Tech asked. “Some figures are rare because of their popularity, but he was simply rarely produced due to lack of interest.”

Brit’ni bristled like he was insulting her toddling infant. “He’s the best character!”

“I understood that most fans of the serials disliked him because of his treachery.”

“Treachery?” she scoffed. “That’s not treachery. He had good reason to be loyal to both the Old Republic and Tiberian Empire. It was his conflict that made him interesting. And in the end he chose what was right. That’s what makes a good character. Conflict. Struggle. Then overcoming in the end.”

“I suppose.”

“What about you, then? Who’s your favorite character?”

“In Galaxy of Heroes? I don’t know—never seen it.”

Brit’ni’s jaw dropped. “Then why were you ready to fight me over this figure?”

He shrugged. “I’m a completionist. This is the last one I need to complete the set. You know they’re more valuable together, right?”

She just stared at him. Her eyes trailed down to his booted feet, up his khaki slacks, past his drab, navy-colored tunic, and back to those big, yellow-tinted eyes. Who was this guy?

“Deal’s off,” she said.

“What?”

“I can’t give Captain Tabbard to… to someone who won’t appreciate him.”

“I appreciate him! He’s a first edition, mint-condition, ultra-rare piece that will complete my collection! How much more appreciation can you get than that?”

“No.” Brit’ni shook her head. “You’re not worthy.”

Tech pursed his lips and huffed through his nose.”Well I still paid for half of that figure, so what do you suggest we do? Cut it in half?”

She recoiled in horror. “No! I’ll pay you the 35 credits and I take the figure. It’s as simple as that.”

“That’s unacceptable. You have to at least give me a chance to meet your criteria.”

“How could you possibly do that?”

“By watching Galaxy of Heroes. I watch it, I tell you my favorite character, I show my appreciation for Captain Tabbard.”

“Or I could just take Captain Tabbard home now, and have a figure of my very favorite character to display proudly on my shelf.”

The magtrain slowed and a cheery voice emanated from the intercom. “Coruscant Central.”

“We’re at the station,” Tech said. “I suggest you get off, because I assure you my Chandrilan Guard figures are very good.”

He stepped off the train and Brit’ni bit her lip, her grip tightening on the handlebar as she watched. “Ah, sithspit,” she cursed under her breath, and hopped off the train just as the doors closed.

She hurried to catch up to him—he set a surprisingly quick pace considering how scrawny he looked under those pants—and he tilted his head in her direction in acknowledgment.

“Glad you decided to join me,” he said.

“I really want those CG customs. I’ve been saving up for materials for forever but they’re expensive and my job doesn’t believe in working hours that give me enough time to sleep and eat.”

Tech frowned. “What kind of job is that? It seems like a sub-optimal way to treat your employees.”

“I work at one of the Imperial training facilities. I get to clean up after all the sweaty recruits in the exercise halls. It smells and I hate my life.”

He tensed almost imperceptibly at her side and Brit’ni tried not to notice. Plenty of people on Coruscant didn’t like the Empire, but a job was a job. And Captain Tabbard wasn’t going to pay for himself.

“That sounds… unpleasant. I hope you are able to find alternate forms of employment sometime soon.”

“Yeah, me too. But there aren’t too many options these days,” she said with a sigh. “If I had my way I’d be working in the archives or curating the Imperial Historical Society. I have the training for it, too! But I guess they only need a handful of people to do that, and they need thousands to clean the stormtroopers’ locker rooms.”

He nodded sagely, and she wondered if she was saying too much. Scratch that—she was definitely saying too much. But any time her job came up she couldn’t help but try to distance herself from it. To distance herself from the Empire.

“I also wish I could spend my days doing research and furthering our understanding of the universe. But unfortunately I don’t have that luxury,” Tech said.

Brit’ni looked at him out of the corner of her eye, surprised at the wistfulness in his voice. Maybe she’d judged him too harshly. A completionist who’d never watched Galaxy of Heroes he might be, but they might have more in common than she’d thought. He gave the station map a quick once-over, pushing his goggles up his nose as he read the map, and she couldn’t help but notice how oddly endearing the action was. She cursed herself. She’d always had a weakness for hopeless nerds.

They wound their way through the labyrinthine corridors of Coruscant’s largest magtrain station, and Tech seemed to know every turn and forgotten corner. He took them down another flight of stairs to the lower levels, where the storage lockers were, and a squirmy feeling started to bubble up in Brit’ni’s stomach. Maybe it hadn’t been a good idea to follow a stranger down into the depths of Coruscant Central without telling anyone where she was. But something about Tech felt oddly comforting. Condescending and annoying, yes, but also kind of nice.

Brit’ni cleared her throat and tried to dispel her sudden nerves. “So… what do you do, then?”

“I’m a tech specialist,” he answered immediately.

Brit’ni furrowed her brows. “A tech specialist? Are you military?”

He looked at her like he’d forgotten she was there, then shook his head, oddly flustered. “No, I mean… I do holo repair, comm device repair, droid maintenance—that sort of thing.”

“Oh.” Sure he did.

“It’s, uh, not very glamorous, but it pays the bills,” he said, tacking on an awkward laugh like the world’s worst holo actor.

Brit’ni resisted the urge to roll her eyes. I promise you, dude. Whatever your secrets are, they aren’t nearly as interesting as you think. She found herself wishing he’d just be honest with her, then reminded herself that she didn’t care. She didn’t. He was just a means to the end of collecting Captain Tabbard, not an strangely cute guy she wanted to learn more about.

They approached a squat Rodian manning the checkout counter for locker rentals and paid up.

“And can we get two locks, please?” Brit’ni asked. She needed some assurance that Tech wasn’t just going to come back later, open their locker, and leave.

The Rodian shrugged and tossed them another lock. “Sure.”

They walked down the aisle of lockers and found theirs—locker number 9999. Tech gave a weird smile at the number, but Brit’ni ignored it and opened the locker, carefully placing Captain Tabbard inside and giving him one last look of longing before closing the locker on his beautiful, first-edition face.

They both stuck their locks on the door, and Brit’ni pulled out her portable comm device.

“What’s your comm signature?” she asked.

“I don’t see that that’s necessary.”

“Sure it is. What if I can’t make our meeting time? What if you decide to watch Galaxy of Heroes but its themes and storyline are too complex for you to follow? What if you decide to back out and just want to give me your lock key so I can pick the Captain up?”

He frowned. “Alright, then.”

They swapped comm signatures and Brit’ni stuck her hand out to shake. Tech hesitated a moment, like he wasn’t sure what to do with it, then took her hand.

“Pleasure doing business with you,” Brit’ni said with a firm, professional shake.

“Likewise.”

---

A few days later Brit’ni staggered home from her shift at the training facility with a deep and abiding exhaustion in her bones. She swiped open the door to the small apartment she shared with her younger sister and stumbled through the dark room, determined not to turn on the lights. Her sister was already asleep and Brit’ni knew she had an early shift the next morning.

Brit’ni shed her uniform, took a quick shower, and fell into bed. She could easily have fallen asleep right then and there, but she hated going to sleep right after getting home from work. It felt like giving up—like acknowledging that all there was to her life right now was sleep and work. She rolled over onto her side and pulled out her comm device, checking for messages. There were a few from her mom, a couple of taunting inside jokes from her sister, and… one from a signature she didn’t immediately recognize.

She opened the message, convinced it was some kind of advertisement but curious nonetheless.

I am happy to report that my viewing of Galaxy of Heroes has commenced. Will keep you updated on my progress. -T

A surprised smile rose to her lips. Maybe her evening would be a little more interesting than usual, after all.

She gave it some thought, then typed a response. The first episode is great, but the rest of the first season is a little slow. Make sure you keep watching to season 3.

She pulled out a datapad and scrolled mindlessly through several news updates. There was never anything interesting anymore—not since the Empire had taken over. All the updates felt like propaganda, but there was nothing else to read. Then her comm device pinged.

Then why don’t I just skip straight to season 3? I don’t understand how people can be such fans of a program while disliking a significant percentage of the content. -T

She snorted. Don’t skip to season 3! I thought you were a completionist.

He responded immediately. Fair point. -T

Deciding to let him focus on the show, Brit’ni rolled out of bed, determined to do something useful with the evening before calling it a night. She pulled a case of her in-progress figures out from under her bed and hauled them over to the small work desk she’d set up in the corner. She had some painting to do.

Commander Fes’s helmet was beautiful. The design etched across its surface was gorgeous, with intricately weaving strips of color and textures. That also made it an absolute beast to paint, and Brit’ni extricated her tiniest brushes from the bottom of her brush bag.

Eyes straining with the microscopic details, she labored over the good commander’s helmet for a solid half hour before setting her tools down in frustration. She glowered at the thumb-sized helmet, as if her anger would force it to cooperate better, and reached for her comm device.

What paint do you use for your customs? she sent Tech. For the fine details? I feel like I’m going crazy with Commander Fes’s helmet.

I don’t hand-paint details that small. I have a three dimensional stamper, so I design the decals at full size then use the stamper to apply them. -T

Huh. Brit’ni had heard of tools like that, but most collectors had to make them themselves. It wasn’t a simple or easy thing to put together.

I’ve always wanted to use one of those! Did you follow the Talatar template or the Bikqwik one?

Neither. I made my own design, though to be fair the base design was inspired more by the Bikqwik one. -T

Maybe I should make one. I’d love to get those fine details right, but I don’t know if I have the time to figure it out or the money for all the pieces.

That’s understandable. I was able to use leftover pieces from my work, so it wasn’t so expensive for me. -T

Images of a perfectly-painted Commander Fes helmet floated through Brit’ni’s mind, and she had half a mind to ask him to lend her his printer. That would probably be too much, though. She was considering what she should say next when Tech sent her another message.

It’s nice to talk to another collector about customs and painting. My colleagues are not very interested. -T

Brit’ni laughed. Same! My sister and mom indulge me, but they definitely don’t care as much as I do.

She set her comm device down and refocused her attention on Commander Fes’s helmet. It might be nice to use a three dimensional stamper, but this was what she had to work with for now. And as she focused in on the tiny design, she had to admit that it was turning out pretty well.

She soon fell into a groove so deep she hardly noticed the next half hour fly by. Then her comm device pinged again, breaking her from her painting trance.

I’m going to sleep now, but I’m happy to report that I’ve finished season one. -T

Brit’ni’s brows rose. You finished a whole season in one night?

I’m watching it at double speed. -T

That’s cheating!

When you demanded I watch the show you did not specify a required playback speed. -T

Do I have to specify things that should be obvious??

Goodnight, Brit’ni. -T

No longer in the mood to paint, Brit’ni set Commander Fes’s tiny helmet on a stand to dry, then packed up her materials. She crawled into bed and set her alarm, her eyes already heavy with how tired she’d be in the morning. Still, it had been a pleasant night.

---

The week flew by, and Brit’ni was so busy with work she hardly had any time to work on her figures or chat with Tech. Every once in a while he messaged her with updates on his viewing progress, and he was burning through Galaxy of Heroes at an alarming rate. His last message he sent the morning of the day they’d agreed to meet back up at the station—a simple statement that he’d finished the series.

Brit’ni wanted to ask him his thoughts, who his favorite character was, and what he thought of the infamous plot twist in season seven, but instead she’d had to run off to work. By the time her shift ended, she was excited to hop on the magtrain and head to Coruscant Central not only to finally see his promised customs, but also to talk to him. Funny, that.

She walked down into the lower levels of the station and quickly found locker 9999. Tech was already there, typing away on some kind of datapad built into his wristguard. Brit’ni didn’t think he’d worn that the last time they’d met, but she also couldn’t really depend on her memory.

“Hey!” she called out, and he looked up from his datapad.

“Excellent. Right on time.”

He swung his backpack off his shoulders and rummaged through it, pulling out a carefully labelled black box as she approached.

“Are those the custom molds?” Brit’ni asked eagerly.

“Yes.” He opened the box and she could swear the box was glowing from the inside like some kind of mythic treasure.

“I have molds for the standard shock trooper, captain, commander, and the recon units. Four molds in all.”

With a reverent hand, Brit’ni lifted the silicoid molds from their case. The detail work was exquisite, the edges sharp and defined. “I just pour in molding plastoid and let it cool?” she asked.

He nodded. “Yes, that should work adequately.”

She stared for a minute longer, her fingers running over each groove and divet. They were perfect. “Alright, you have a deal.”

“No, but… I haven’t told you about Galaxy of Heroes yet…” Tech said, confused.

“That’s alright, the molds are enough-”

“I watched that entire series in a week. I’m going to tell you about it,” he snapped.

Brit’ni shut the case with the molds and stepped back from him a pace, her eyebrows raised. “Alright then, do you see now why Captain Tabbard is the best?”

“He’s such a minor character, it’s hard for me to understand why he is your favorite. But I do see the nuance and conflict that you mentioned earlier. I can see why you admire him.”

“Who’s your favorite, then?” It had better not be that awful Alduous Rux. Or even worse: Leve Bontera.

“K3WO was my favorite, I believe,” he said.

“The droid? Really?” she asked, though as soon as the words left her mouth she had to admit that it made a certain sort of sense.

“Yes. He always remained level-headed, he was intelligent, but he had his own personality. He was my favorite.”

“Ok, fine, I get it. But what about your favorite organic character?”

“Why does it have to be an organic character?”

“Do you have to argue everything I say?”

“It’s not arguing if-”

Tech suddenly cut off, his eyes darting down the hall, and Brit’ni followed his gaze. Two stormtroopers had stepped off the landing and were making their way towards locker 9999. Tech glanced quickly away from them, but the tension in his shoulders was clear.

Brit’ni saw the problem immediately. They looked like they were making some kind of illicit deal here, exchanging goods in the basement of Coruscant Station. The misunderstanding could be easily cleared up under normal circumstances, but Tech obviously didn’t want any attention from Imperials.

Thinking fast, Brit’ni clutched the black case of molds to her chest. “Oh, honey! You shouldn’t have!”

Tech stared doubtfully back at her through his goggles, his eyes growing wide enough to fill the lenses as she grabbed him by the shoulders and hauled him to her.

“What are you-” he hissed.

She pressed her mouth to his before he could give them away, her hands snaking around his back to make sure he didn’t pull away while the stormtroopers were still watching. She worried that she might have to fight him the entire time, which would both make her feel like the worst kind of swamp scum and would also make this significantly less enjoyable. But then he relaxed into the kiss and set his hands at her waist, his long fingers careful and hot against her skin. He picked her up by the waist and spun them around, pressing her back into the lockers. Then he kissed up the side of her neck. Heated shivers ran up Brit’ni’s body, and she wondered if maybe she’d gotten in way over her head.

“Good thinking,” he whispered into her ear once he reached the top of her neck. “My apologies for not realizing sooner.”

“Th-that’s fine,” she stuttered, looking over his shoulder to check for the stormtroopers. They were still there. “Still got eyes.”

He nodded, then kissed her again, this time sliding a hand up her back to run his fingers through her hair. She pressed herself further into him, finding surprisingly firm, defined muscle under his plain clothing. Brit’ni doubted that there was an electronics repairman this athletic in the entire galaxy, and the mystery that was Tech just seemed to deepen with each passing moment.

Then one of Tech’s hands slipped lower on her waist and all coherent thought fled from Brit’ni’s mind. Her teeth caught on his bottom lip and she tugged gently. He started against her, and she took that as encouragement. Then she slipped her tongue into his mouth, and he started again, this time jerking away from her in surprise.

Brit’ni’s gaze darted to where she’d last seen the stormtroopers and, Force be damned, there they still were. Staring like a bunch of touch-starved morons.

“What are you looking at, you karking pervs!” she shouted at them.

The troopers flinched away like she’d hit them, then sputtered something about their patrol route and orders to “carry on.” They turned back the way they went and soon enough they were up the stairs and out of sight.

Brit’ni let out a heavy sigh of relief and let her weight lean back against the lockers behind her. “Well, that was a lot closer than it needed to be.”

“Yes,” Tech said, a healthy dusting of red high on his cheeks. “Thank you, by the way. I’d rather avoid Imperial entanglements.”

“Wouldn’t we all?” she said with a wry twist of the mouth.

“And, uh… My apologies, for losing my grip earlier. I… well I have never engaged in kissing before.”

Brit’ni sat up straight at that, her eyes going wide. “Really?” she asked, her skin still tingling from where he’d run his hands up her back. “You could have fooled me.”

“Well, I’ve seen plenty of holos,” he said, shrugging with one shoulder. “The mechanics of it seem simple enough. But, um. I didn’t really know what to expect in terms of sensation.”

“Ah,” Brit’ni said, feeling the heat rising in her own cheeks. “Well, it all worked out in the end.”

“That it did. Now if we could exchange goods?”

“Sure.”

They each unlocked their locks and there Captain Tabbard was, safe in his perfectly-preserved box. Tech handed her back her 35 credit share of the price, then lifted Captain Tabbard carefully from the locker. Brit’ni checked the CG molds Tech had given her one more time, then closed and locked the case.

“I guess we’re done, then,” she said, suddenly not sure where to put her hands.

“A pleasure,” Tech said, and she couldn’t help but wonder if there was some secret meaning hidden behind the quirk of his lips.

“A pleasure.”

---

A few days later, Brit’ni dragged herself to work feeling particularly haggard. She went through the service entrance and changed into her ugly uniform, then jogged to her supervisor’s office just in time to clock in.

She punched the buttons that would start recording her time, then started to walk away from the desk.

“Brit’ni? That you?” her supervisor asked, turning around in his swivel chair. He was a pale, sleight Human who’d barely spoken three words to Brit’ni before today.

She turned back to him slowly, her body already tensing to expect the worst. “Yes, sir?”

“You have a package.”

“A package?”

“Yeah.” He got up from his desk and pulled a drab grey box out from under the counter, sliding it towards Brit’ni with a look of perfect unconcern on his face. “Someone dropped it off early this morning for you.”

“Oh…” That was strange. In earlier years Brit’ni had liked surprises like this, but ever since the Empire… Well, let’s just say that most surprises were bad ones these days.

She took the package back to the locker room and set it down on one of the durasteel benches. Carefully, like she was defusing a bomb, she opened it up. Inside, the perfectly-painted face of Captain Tabbard stared up at her, a bright orange piece of flimsi stuck to his box just over his chest.

Dear Brit’ni,

Thank you for the other day. I should have just given this to you at the time, but I’m afraid I wasn’t thinking very clearly. I hope our paths cross again.

-T

A slow smile crept across Brit’ni’s face, and she picked up Captain Tabbard, holding his box to her chest. She knew she and Tech’s paths would cross again. She’d make sure of it.

#tech x oc #tbb #the bad batch #tbb tech #clone commando tech #tech collects figures now #nerds in love

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geordiewrites · 3 years

Text

I Did Something Bad | James Potter

A/N: Before reading, I just want to say this story is based around cheating, so simply if you don’t like that, don’t read it! It’s also really bad, but I need to get back into the swing of regular writing for my mental health’s sake, and this was my way of doing it so please don’t be too harsh reading it. I’m still v new to this shit, and v Geordie too so if I’m using words you don’t get or smth like that, just lemme know.

Summary: Y/N has been in love with James Potter for who knows how long... the only problem is when something happens between them, he’s in a relationship with someone else.

Warning: Infidelity, cheating, mentions of sex, angst, shit writing, shit characters, just don’t expect much okay?

“I have to tell you something.” Y/N says, fiddling awkwardly with the now frayed hem of her mustard-yellow jumper, fingers fumbling as she tries to speak.

“Y/N, what’s wrong?” Marlene, her best friend, asks worriedly, but Y/N just shakes her head, tears beginning to spring in her eyes. Seeing this, Marlene quickly rushes to sit next to Y/N on the edge of her bed in their gold and crimson adorned dormitory. She just stares blankly out of the window, trying and miserably failing to hide the fact that all she wants to do is rush out of Hogwarts and never return.

“I don’t even know where to start, Marls.” She mewls between choked sobs. “There’s so much I haven’t told anybody.”

“You can tell me.” Marlene continues, throwing a comforting arm over her friend’s shoulders with ease. Her face is twisted with worry, the kind of anxiousness that Marlene has never seen before and frankly is terrified by. “Just start at the beginning, I suppose. Who’s all this about anyway? Do I need to beat anyone up?” Marlene says frantically, and Y/N lets out a humourless laugh.

“No. Me, perhaps. Just promise if I tell you, you won’t tell Lily about it?” Her voice breaks more and more with every syllable.

“Why would I need to keep something from Lily?”

“Because it’s about James. Me and James.” Y/N whispers, pressing her face into her trembling hands.

“You and James?” She questions just a little too satirically, causing Y/N to send her a withering glare. “What is it you need to tell me?”

“I slept with him, Marlene.” Y/N cries before she finally collapses into a flummox of tears and loud cries that fill the dormitory with a tense, thick silence as the information settles in.

“When?” Only one word is managed from Marlene, said in a half shocked, half angry tone. Y/N feels Marlene’s arm shift off of her shoulder as she moves to sit cross legged on the floor. Away. Away from Y/N.

“The night of the party in September when they had that huge row because he got drunk when they had agreed not to.” She replied, her throat dry and hoarse making speaking physically painful, but she had to tell somebody. Anybody who would listen and wouldn’t judge her too harshly. Unfortunately however for Marlene, this burden fell to her since everyone else was out that day including both Lily and James, leaving no chance of being overheard.

“How did it happen?” Merlin, Y/N, why did it fucking happen?” Marlene said angrily, looking for something to throw across the room just to watch it smash into millions of irreparable pieces.

“You know bloody why, Marls.” Y/N snapped crossly, earning something close to a sympathetic look from Marlene.

Y/N couldn’t remember a time she had felt so lonely as to when James was kissing her.

It was strange really, since she had been madly in love with him for who knows how long at this point. But there, with their clandestine kiss captured into fracturing moonlight in the middle of her otherwise empty dorm room, with his hands travelling softly past her waist and to her hips, lips moving against hers in the way she had dreamed of, Y/N felt more solitary than ever. Perhaps it was because she knew he didn’t love her, that to him it was just completely physical. Maybe it was because he loved another, and someone she had been friends with for years at that. Deep down she knew it was simply because it was James.

James. James who used to carry her books because he was a whole head taller than her, and therefore claimed she needed a prince to save her. James who played Quidditch with her even though she was hopeless at it, and in return she waved a Gryffindor scarf for him at his games. Sometimes he even claimed it was the reason he won. James who told her that Lily was the love of his life while crying into her shoulder, unknowing that Y/N wanted nothing more than to hear those words about herself. But she wouldn’t, couldn’t, ever.

She could taste alcohol on his tongue as it moved expertly against her own, dark and bitter and sweet all at the same time. He carried a beautiful aroma of cigarette smoke, just slightly stale, and strangely oranges and the overly expensive cologne he always wore because Lily told Marlene she liked it four years previous. Everything about him screamed his love for Lily. From tousled hair to mirror her celebrity crush, to the way his eyes lit up every time the redhead walked into a room. And then there was Y/N, hopeless and drowning in an unrequited affection.

James and Lily were the Romeo and Juliet of Hogwarts, the epitome of a saccharine love story stretching over the expanse of seven years. Seeing them together was to be in the presence of true love, at least that was what almost everyone said. Nevertheless, only Y/N seemed to notice otherwise. The longing looks at other girls from James, the way they barely ever held hands, the fact they never kissed in public... although she had brushed this all aside, convincing herself she only saw it because he was looking, and that it wasn’t actually there at all.

But there James was, about to sleep with Y/N and throw that supposedly perfect relationship with the girl he had fawned over for years into turmoil. Some selfish part of Y/N wanted just that, perhaps that was the biggest reason when he whispered an “Are you sure?” against the skin of her jawline, she replied with a definite yes.

The rest of the night passed in a haze of afterglow and skin against skin, and for the most part, Y/N felt oddly sad. James’ touch felt hot enough to let her very skin on fire where he had touched her, and yet she still felt cold knowing he didn’t love her. He didn’t spend his nights dreaming of the colour of her eyes, but she knew his were a shining hazel with tiny flecks of green interspersed within them. She knew his birthday, his favourite colours and lessons and movies and stupid muggle bands... useless details really. They didn’t mean anything except to remind her of what she didn’t have, and of what Lily did.

And of what Y/N was now taking away from her.

“He was sad and we were drunk out of our minds. I remember finding him alone in the corridor. I remember talking to him about Lily for awhile, and then suddenly we were kissing and I couldn’t bring myself to say no.” Y/N explained slowly, the hazy memories of that night becoming more and more clear with each passing second.

“I can’t believe this.” Marlene said, raking fingers through her honey hair and pulling on the roots in shock. “I can’t believe it, Y/N.” She repeated, over and over and over until it seemed just a little more plausible. A little more tangible. A little more real. “I don’t blame you, you know.”

“What?!” Y/N exclaimed, an icy surprise erupting in her veins and sending a cold chill throughout her body.

Marlene smiled painfully. “What you did was awful, but he was the one in a relationship.”

“‘Suppose so. What should I do?” She blurted desperately, running her hands over the burgundy silk of her duvet as she anxiously stood up.

“You have to tell Lily.”

“I can’t.”

“You have to, Y/N. He cheated on her with you!” Marlene shouted, previously calm voice rising with exasperation.

“You don’t think I know that?” Y/N hissed back, venom beginning to seep into her voice but it wasn’t even aimed at Marlene. It was aimed at James, and at herself. “I fucking know I fucked up, Marls. But I can’t tell Lily - the literal sweetest person - that I shagged her boyfriend and that I’ve been in love with him since James learned who she even was. And he’ll never feel that way about me. Ever. He saw a quick fuck when he looked at me that night and a future wife when he saw Lily. Why do you think they’re still together? Because he doesn’t care.”

“I’m sorry, Y/N. I’m so, so very sorry. But James isn’t going to tell her, and she has to know-!”

“Maybe he will.” Y/N interrupted.

“We both know that’s a lie. Somebody has to tell her, and it’s going to have to be you.”

“Please Marlene.” She begged, heart aching within her chest as a million unkempt memories flashed through her mind in the space of a mere moment.

“Come on, Y/N, truth or dare?” James asks through laughter.

“I should never have agreed to play one-on-one truth or dare with you.” Y/N replies irritably, although it’s stupidly short lived when he sends her that shit eating grin, and all over again she feels like a thirteen year old with a crush. Deep down she still is, underneath the makeup and the fake laughter, she’s still the same little girl who thinks she doesn’t deserve love. “But fine, I choose truth.”

“Good choice. Alright, who was the first person you ever shagged?” James asks curiously.

“Wow, James, way to make it seem as though I’ve done a hundred people.”

“Apologies, but go on.”

“Fine.” Y/N shifts awkwardly. “It was you, actually. Back in fifth year.”

“Oh.” He replies after a long pause, which to Y/N feels as though it will never end.

“I don’t really remember it if I’m being honest.” She adds in an attempt to dispel the thick tension that has built up. It doesn’t, and James can barely meet her eyes. “We were drunk, I think.”

“I often am when I spend time with you.”

And that was the moment it hit Y/N. The moment when he started giggling at her confession. The moment when she knew she hated him almost just as much as she loved him, because she had let that infatuation with him consume her. The moment when he told her in return that he only needed her for drunken sex, after she had lied about remembering it. Because she did remember it, so well in fact that it may as well have been etched into her skin with scarring inks. Where he touched her, how it felt that first night. And how it felt the one they wrecked his relationship.

That day, sitting with Marlene in her dormitory having just told her of the worst crime Y/N had ever committed, it hurt just the same. And now she was stuck with this pain, this awful, selfish feeling every time she saw him and Lily together that she just wished something would happen to her and James could be together.

Y/N never expecting it to be through cheating, but perhaps that was all it would ever be.

A one night stand, forever kept in the darkest part of her mind with the rest of her regrets. Regretting never telling James of her love for him. Regretting not asking him years ago to kiss her age fourteen, maybe she could’ve had a chance to get over him then. It felt like she never had that. It was a hookup, a torrid, illicit affair.

And that was all it would ever be. But perhaps that was what she deserved.

As Y/N walked down towards the Gryffindor common room, she could only think of a few things. How Lily could possibly react, how James would react to her telling Lily because he didn’t. Both had thousands of answers, none of which she could possibly predict in the moment. Step by step down the mahogany staircase leading to the plush, homey centre room the Gryffindors adored so much, Y/N inhaled and exhaled sharp breaths, planning out exactly what she was going to say to Lily in her mind.

All of that went away when she saw them together, curled up on the red velvet sofa in front of the dying embers of a once roaring fire, just watching it flicker away with their hands intertwined. Just sat there, staring hopelessly into one another’s eyes, so deep in love they didn’t even notice her step in the room. While she expected tears to spring in her eyes, they didn’t, the usual feeling of suffocation she felt around them had suddenly disappeared.

And as Y/N watched them, it finally hit her that what James did wasn’t some way of trying to communicate a discontent in their relationship, it was a stupid, pathetic mistake. But that’s all it was: a mistake.

And they would just have to live with that.

Nancy xx (again, apologies for how crap this is but it’s my first attempt at writing in a loooong time)!

#james potter imagine #james potter smut #harry james potter #harry potter #hogwarts #harry potter imagines #lily evans #sirius black #harry potter fanfiction #james potter x reader #harry potter x reader #marauders era #remus lupin #remus lupin imagine #nancy writes

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undertaker1827 · 4 years

Note

Hiiii~ I saw that your requests are open again and I just couldn't miss the chance. So I was wondering if I could have some headcanons of Ciel, Undertaker, Seb and Vincent with a S/O who feels really overwhelmed and self-conscious?

I know that this is a lot so please take as much time as you need and I'll completely understand if you don't write about all of the characters!

Thank you in advance and hope you have a wonderful day!💞✨

Greetings! Of course you can, hope you enjoy!!

Masterlist

Ciel

When Ciel comes downstairs to greet you, one of the first things he notices is how much you’re playing with your clothes

You always do it, but today it’s especially noticeable

The fabric is bunched up in your hands and your eyes are trained downwards on the floor, even as you stand next to Sebastian and wait for Ciel

You lift your gaze as he arrives and smile happily, and though he can see you’re happy to be with him, he knows the expression is forced

He says nothing of it until your comfortably settled together in a sitting room, each with cups of tea

He notices your hands trembling around the cup and saucer, but you quickly put it down on the nearest surface when you realise he’s looking

That confuses the earl, though from the way you’re still together and trying to avoid looking at him it all becomes obvious quite quickly

“Y/N,” he says quietly, not looking directly at you so you didn’t feel too pressured, “Are you alright? Do you want to talk with me about anything?”

The short sharp breath and subsequent stammering lets him know you were indeed feeling bad about yourself once again

If you try to say it’s nothing, you’re fine, he simply lays a hand over yours and asks once again that you please talk to him, because he’s sure that he can help and even if he can’t, he’ll know someone else who can

Eventually, after much consideration, you whisper out that you’re worried about how you look and what others think of you, that they might all be judging you and talking about you behind your back and how it all ends up getting overwhelming

Ciel dispatched Sebastian to go and get some more tea and a biscuit, then turned back to you with a caring look in his eyes and a light blush on his cheeks, dealing with this stuff isn’t exactly his forte

He then tells you that you look beautiful, especially in the clothes you had clearly worn specially to see him today

He says that everybody is not judging you as you go past but even if some of them are, what difference does it make to you?

Their opinions don’t affect you because what you do and how you act are nothing to them with them and you shouldn’t care in the slightest what they think, as long as you are happy

You shed a couple of tears listening to that speech and Ciel gently squeezed your hand, though the moment was broken by the muffled laughter coming from Sebastian

“My Lord, that was truly inspiring. You would make an excellent politician”

The Earl then pauses a moment in dismay, colour rising on his cheeks just a little more before he reprimands Sebastian for having so much input (as a servant, nonetheless) on what should have been a private conversation

You can’t help but laugh at the situation, which at the very least made the humiliation a bit more bearable for Ciel

Undertaker

Undertaker knew something was wrong as soon as you came into the parlour

He rushed over to you with his customary grin, arms wide open for the bear hug you always shared

You did look a bit squiffy (he was going to ask you about it in a moment) but as soon as he out his arms around you, you stiffened under his touch

That made the reaper frown deeply

You loved the physical contact he offered, it was always comforting to you - it had the same effect on him, hence why you were always physically close to each other

He moved back to see your face, hand moving to rest against it and you flinched before he even touched you

Now downright concerned, Undertaker stepped away completely, shifting his hair back so he could see you properly and worry evident across his features

“Love what’s wrong?” He asked immediately, eyes flicking between your own as you tried to avoid looking at him

The ‘it’s nothing’ was cut off with a ruthless, disbelieving scoff, his gaze becoming so intense that you were forced to look at him and be met with burning green, now unable to look away again

“Now why would you lie to me, hm? You ought to know better than that by now.” When you said nothing, he continued. “Please talk to me? I won’t think it’s daft, whatever it is.”

Rather than responding to his words, you swallowed harshly when you suddenly realised you had just pushed your partner away, someone you trusted absolutely and whose presence you adored

As if you weren’t already overwhelmed enough, that thought just sent you overboard

Tears starting to rim your eyes, you threw yourself at the mortician and hugged him so tightly that had he of been human, you may well have done damage

You buried your face in his shoulder as you tried to hold back your tears, revelling in the sensation that followed him dragging your body flush against his

He had an arm pressed firmly around your lower back and the other just beneath your shoulder blades, whispering sweet nothings in your ear in an attempt to calm you and allowing his hair to fall around you and form a protective barrier you could hide behind

Gently, he prodded again a little while later, eventually finding out this had all come from you feeling self conscious and worrying about yourself and what others thought of you

When you finally got it out, the reaper’s grip became impossibly tighter before he lifted you up like you weighed nothing and carried you though to the backroom, reclining back on the small sofa with you still laying on top of him

Undertaker held you in place when you tried to move, a hand starting to stroke back through your hair and nails caressing your scalp to try and relax you

He smiled when you laid your head in the crook between his neck and shoulder, then began his reassurances

You were gorgeous, he told you, utterly stunning and if anyone should ever say other, you should point him in their direction

He then went on to tell you that it didn’t matter what anyone else thought about you, the people who matter - him, others who you were close to - all considered you the wonderful, brilliant person you were and the unwanted opinion of a stranger was never going to change that

You both stayed fairly quiet after that, his hand still softly running back through your hair and the other tracing patterns over your back

Sebastian

Sebastian also knew something was wrong immediately

You smiled and kissed him lightly when you came in, but there was worry clearly radiating from you and the demon didn’t know why

He placed a gentle hand on your arm as you went to walk past him, drawing your somewhat reluctant gaze back to him

“Do you want to talk to me about it?”

He spoke so softly, like he was trying not to scare you away

You didn’t answer right away, surprised he’d even realised so quickly but also unsure as to whether you really wanted all of this to come out right now

You were already feeling overwhelmed today and the thought of explaining it all to Sebastian of all people was more than a little daunting

“Y/N? Your hand is trembling, are you alright?”

You glanced over to see you had rested your hand on Sebastian’s arm without realising and quickly went to remove it

You tried to tell him you were fine, but the demon merely said your name in a reproachful tone and turned you to face him, an eyebrow raised just to make sure you knew he didn’t believe a word you said

You sighed loudly, turning your head to the side once more

Sebastian's gaze was still boring into yours and it was clear you wouldn’t get away with saying nothing was wrong, so you quietly told him that you worried about how you looked, what other people thought of you and all of it just ended up overwhelming you sometimes

The demon let out a soft breath, extending his arms to offer a hug that you quickly accepted

You hid your face in his chest out of yet more worry over what he might say or think, over what was going to happen next

As it was, you just felt his hand start stroking over your head, closing your eyes when he craned his neck to press a kiss on your cheek

“Would you like tea, me love?” He asked, simply nodding when you said you did

He then startled a shock out of you by scooping you up bridal style and taking you into the other room where, by magic, there were two cups of steaming tea waiting on the coffee table for you both

Sebastian then put you down on the sofa, sat close by you and wrapped an arm around your shoulders as you curled into his side

“Now about these self conscious concerns of yours,” he murmured, head tilted forwards and eyes seeming to have just the merest glint of red, “they are entirely unnecessary”

He went on to tell you that the people you feared were judging you were nothing but strangers and therefore utterly meaningless to you

Their opinions, voiced or not, were unwanted and as such should be ignored completely

That said, he reassured you, he doubted there were many people with negative thoughts about you anyway, in particular those who didn’t know you

As for your appearance?

“Y/N, you are one of the most beautiful people I have ever seen in all the centuries I’ve been on this Earth. Please don’t ever doubt that.”

He took your hand then and lightly ran his thumb over the inside of your wrist, practically seeing the shivers pass up your spine at the sensation

He was smiling a little though, silently reassuring that what he said was absolutely true

Vincent

You had gone over to the Phantomhive manor to visit Vincent, a day you had both been planning for quite a while now

It kept having to be pushed back due to work and family commitments on both yours parts but now the day was finally here

And you were nervous about it

It wasn’t like your relationship with Vincent was short term; you’d been together for quite a while now

It was just that you hadn’t seen him in a few weeks and now you were completely overthinking what you had chosen to wear; whether he would like it, if it was too much or too little

That in turn led you onto what the servants might think, even though they would never say anything outright

All of this was still going through your head when you arrived, when you were met by Tanaka who was polite as ever and when you saw Vincent walk down the stairs, a charming smile across his lips

You walked arm in arm to one of the manor’s living rooms, sitting down on the couch next to each other

Vincent was holding your hand, thumb gently stroking over the knuckles and occasionally glancing up to find you were still looking away

He made no comment on the trembling in your fingertips, but you felt his gaze on you more steadily now

Eventually, when it became clear that you weren’t going to say anything unless he did, Vincent shifted so that he was facing you more directly, then asked if you were alright

He didn’t give you time to say you were, instead just saying that he knew you weren’t and he thought if you talked to him about it, you might feel better

After some amount of hesitation, you eventually told him what was going through your mind

The earl frowned in concern when it turned out it was his opinion that was concerning you so much

“You always look stunning, Y/N,” he told you softly, “Why would you think I would be upset with what you’re wearing?”

You rushed to tell him these concerns weren’t specific to him, that you worried about everyone

You placed your hands on him arm, imploring him to understand that he hadn’t done anything to make you think that way, just that it was how your thought processes worked

You didn’t need to have worried about that either it seemed, as Vincent immediately wrapped his arms around you and rested his chin on top of your head, hands tracing little patterns on your back

He just told you quietly that you had nothing at all to worry about from other people and it couldn’t matter less what anybody else thinks as long as you’re happy

He went on to bury his nose in your hair, telling you that you had even less need to worry about what he thought

He assured you he would never think negatively about you, that he would always be on your side

You stayed in his arms for quite a while after that, just taking in the comfortable silence and relishing in the thoughts of everything he had just said to you

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athrialuxegna · 3 years

Text

Stronger than she thinks Part 3

Triggers warning: mental and physical abuse, violence, swearing

Click here to listen to the song used in this chapter, it’s Antidote by Faith Marie. (I love this song so much!)

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 4

Fanfiction | Archiveofourown | Wattpad

At 5 a.m I get up and leave my apartment. My feet drove me to the leaders' quarter. I felt out of place in this dark hallway. I walked up to door 655. I stood there, looking at the door as if it would come to life and eat me alive. It opened itself and I almost thought I did it by using telekinesis. I was almost disappointed to find Eric on the other side.

"What're you doing here so early?" His rasped voice indicated that he just woke up.

All I could see was his head and a glimpse of his naked torso. I could have waited a few minutes before coming up here. I chastised myself to keep my eyes from wandering along with his defined muscles. I cleared my throat and scratched my neck, my eyes fixated on the door handle.

"I came here because I want to report to Max. Brent ran into me yesterday and... and he'll do it again I'm sure of it."

Eric didn't say anything, he made a sign for me to wait. He let the door slightly open and I heard shuffle around the apartment. He came back fully dressed then he let me in. I stepped inside the large apartment. As usual, all doors were closed. I stood still in the middle of the main room. Eric turned to me.

"Coffee?" He asked.

"Sure." I accepted.

I sat on the couch, twirling my fingers in an attempt to calm my nerves. Eric came back with two cups, he gave me one which I took thankfully. I took a sip of the dark liquid, it burnt my throat in a comforting way.

"What did Brent say to you?" The question made me grimace although I knew it was coming.

"Four found me to tell me that he and you saw what happened from the control room."

Eric's body tensed up at the mention, he opened his mouth but I beat him to it.

"I ran off and bumped into Brent. The bastard wouldn't let go of me, he thought I'd ran into him on purpose to... fuck him." I spat the last part in disgust. "Now, tell me why you didn't inform me that two persons have seen my rape?" I asked, my voice held all the betrayal I've felt since I'd known.

Eric sighed deeply and rubbed his eyes in a tired motion. I couldn't pinpoint why I was feeling so damn bad that Eric lied to me. Sure it was pretty big information that he kept from me but I knew it was deeper. He was the only one I confessed to. Hell, I didn't even understand why I told him but it implied that I trusted him enough. It felt like an eternity before I heard his deep voice again.

"I didn't want to let you know not to scare you away. It was easier if you'd confessed yourself." He explained plainly.

"I don't stand lies, Eric. Even minor ones can have disastrous consequences. The cold hard truth is better to know no matter what." I said more harshly than intended.

"I didn't lie to you when I said that I won't do anything about this without your consent. I had to play fool around Brent, it was hell not to punch him until he bled out." He admitted.

I was surprised that Eric would talk about how he felt with me. We had regular contacts, nothing out of work until last week. Something had changed between us, some sort of untold agreement that we could rely on each other more than professionally.

"One more lie and I won't trust you anymore." My voice was firm.

Eric nodded sharply, agreeing that no more lies would come out of his mouth. A casual silence settled in while we were sipping our black coffee. I needed to drink this or I'd faint in Max's office. I was content that we sold that trust issue before getting in the lion's den.

"What are you doing tonight?" He questioned out of nowhere.

I wasn't sure how to reply or how to take this. So far, I'd doubt that Eric would be one to take advantage of the situation. I raised a questioning eyebrow, my grip on the cup tightened ever so slightly. Eric's eyes flickered to my hands then plunged into my emerald orbs.

"A friend of mine has a band, they have rehearsal tonight. You should come." He elaborated.

I had a hard time imagining Eric's friends. He was mostly alone or with colleagues when I crossed paths with him. I nodded quietly. I was too awestruck to utter a word. A small smile crept upon his lips, enlightening his gaze. A knock at the door broke the peace in the apartment. The leader took a second before getting up. He knew what was going on apparently. Four came in view, a worried expression all over his tense face. His eyes found mine, a shadow crossed his dark eyes.

"Eric, we have to do something about this." Four's voice was nervous as he poked his head in my direction.

"I'm well aware Four. Chris just accepted to report this to Max."

Eric's demeanor had changed. His body was tensed, his jaw clenched and his eyes threw daggers. I was aware of their rivalry, the reason for this male show was beyond me though. They always were at each other's throats. The tension between these two was practically unbearable.

"No, Brent did it again." He said sternly.

The words made my blood run cold. I jumped up and walked to stand in front of Four. My eyes searched him for any sign of lies. Finding none, anger took the upper hand. I also felt guilty for some reason. Maybe if I hadn't run into him he wouldn't have gone after another girl. I shoved Four to be able to run out of the apartment. I had to find Brent and beat the life out of him. My brain numbed all emotions aside from the pulsating rage. I knew where to find him. I barged in the training room, panting and fuming.

Brent stopped in mid-push-up to look at me. A seductive smirk crept up his face. I stomped towards him and took advantage of his position to throw my foot right into his head. The cracking noise of his nose and his scream just fueled my wrath. I took him by the collar, my eyes burning with hate as I stared at his pained face.

"I'll kill you motherfucker!" I yelled in his face.

I punched him over and over. I couldn't stop myself, even when blood started to pour from his mouth and nose. His face was covered with it. All my pent-up emotions were thrown at him. The loud doors banged open. Heavy footsteps echoed in the room. I continued to punch Brent's unconscious body. Large hands wrapped around my shoulders to stop me. I wriggled in the unknown grasp, afraid that Brent's friend came to rescue him. I hadn't even checked the area, few Dauntless members had stop training to look at the commotion.

"Stop it, Chris!" Eric's stern voice made me stiffen.

He dragged me off Brent then let me go. I was panting, hair wild and eyes wide opened, I must've looked like some psychopath. My eyes darted to the ground when I saw the disappointed looks of Max, Four, and Harrison. Everyone gave me that look lately. Shame invaded my brain, my cheeks burnt from the sudden surge of emotion. I had been carried away, and sure, I'll pay the price.

"Christine, an investigation will be open. The other victim had already pressed charges against Brent. He will be judged by Dauntless law. You're off duty from now on. Your behavior will not be held against you seeing the circumstances but this is the last time you beat up a fellow Dauntless member." Max's voice boomed.

I looked at him and nodded. My breathing and my beating heart had calmed down. I was devastated to no end, but they didn't have to know that. Harrison wanted to say something but Max made a sign for him to take Brent out of the training room. Then the elder leaders took their leave. Eric stood still, his hard gaze burning a hole in my skull. I dared a glance in his direction then sighed. My bloody hands hurt me, not as much as my shattered ego.

"I told you to fight me not to kill Brent. Chris, you're running down the wrong path. Max won't forget this incident even though it's understandable. Don't let this bastard ruin your life."

I couldn't utter a word, I felt empty and full all at once. Eric's presence prevented me from breaking down once more. My wet eyes met his blue ones, disappointment evident in his irises. If he turned his back on me I had no one else to rely on.

"I'm sorry," I finally whispered. "I didn't intend to do this... I couldn't stop myself..."

"Meet me in the Pit at eight tonight." He said then turned on his heels.

Relief washed over me. He still supported me. I went back to my apartment to wash the morning away. I ate lunch at my place. I played the guitar all afternoon. It kept my mind at ease. I began to find some lyrics to put my feelings into words. It was harder than I thought to write a song. My efforts finally paid but one string broke in my fingers. I headed to the Pit to find the music store.

Music was a huge part of Dauntless. It didn't seem at first but every pretext was good to party. It was odd to think that Amity and Dauntless couldn't stand each other as they shared similar rituals and common interests in musical arts. I looked at the racks to find the right box of strings.

"Chris!" Gary's voice called me.

I turned around to see him by the counter, he was waiting for customers. I waved at him, took the box I was looking for, and headed to him. His short green hair stood out from his Dauntless black attire and his big brown beard. His slim figure seemed even frailer behind the big counter. Gary was the musical expert of the compound. He knew all music history from the beginning to nowadays. I used to hang around his store for hours to custom my guitar. It was only a few weeks ago but it felt like ages.

"Hey, Gary!"

"It's been a while since you've come here, sweetheart. I'm happy to see that you're playing again." A smile beamed on his face and his eyes sparkled with joy.

"Yes, I needed a little break.," I replied lightly.

"Can't wait to hear you play sometime. And I heard from a little bird that you have a nice voice to hear." He remarked, giving me a wink.

"I'm not good enough to show my skills but I'm working on it. This little bird lied, I sing in the shower but that's it." I replied casually.

"Your fellow initiates always brag about your singing skills, honey. It's more than just shower gibberish."

It was true that I had sung my ass off in the dormitories showers during my initiation. My fellow initiates didn't stop me so it became a habit. They would praise me and ask for songs from time to time during parties. They were the only Dauntless to have ever heard me singing. It was for fun mostly and to let some steam off during those stressful days.

"Alright, I'll think about it, Gary." I smiled at Gary.

The conversation ended up here, I paid and looked at my watch to see that it was seven-thirty. I had time to eat before meeting Eric. I went to my apartment to drop the strings' box then headed straight to the cafeteria. It was not full so I found a sit at an empty table. I ate with little appetite. My eyes scanned the half-empty tables nearby. Jenna and Kate were nowhere to be found. I sighed deeply. Were they ghosting me in return?

Someone sat next to me. I turned around to see Four. I rolled my eyes and resumed eating as if he wasn't there. I didn't want to talk to him. We ate in silence for a while.

"You shouldn't have done that." He blurted out.

"No shit, Sherlock." I scoffed. "If you're here to lecture me, it's not the time Four." I didn't even look at him.

"I don't judge you, Chris. I understand more than you think." His voice became quiet.

I remembered the rumors about his abusive father, Marcus Eaton. It was different in many ways but I guessed the traumatic consequences were similar. We were both destroyed, broken, and beaten. I could also talk to the other victim, she could entirely relate to my experience. However, I felt uncomfortable around Four. We fell in silence once more. I finished my plate and get up. Finally, I looked at him.

"Thanks, Four. But I don't want to talk about it."

I didn't let him time to respond and turned on my heels to put my plate away. It was nearly eight. I walked to the Pit. Life was buzzing around, Dauntless members were laughing, fighting, and hanging around. I smiled at the overwhelming energy. It made me feel alive and a part of something big. A large figure in my back made me turn around. Eric stood there, his Dauntless attire had changed to a more casual outfit. He wore a button-up shirt and black jeans. I bit my lip at the sight. Eric smirked at my reaction.

"You didn't tell me we had to dress up," I remarked casually.

"My leader's attire has been ruined today. I was at the Child Care service, it turned out pretty messy." He explained with an amused tone.

I raised a curious eyebrow. I almost forgot that Eric ran the Child Care service. It was a place where abandoned children and orphans were raised and taken care of. Picturing Eric with children made me laugh inwardly. The tough leader's image would be shattered into millions of pieces. I wondered how he was with the kids. I didn't think Max would approve if he treated them as initiates.

"I wish I was here to witness our ruthless leader handle children." I laughed.

"You don't know those children, they're little devils sometimes." He muttered under his breath though a small smile grazed his lips.

It was weird to see Eric look fond of children. A man appeared next to him, clasping a hand on his shoulder, a broad smile on his lips.

"We're about to begin." He said cheerfully.

He had intense dark green eyes, it reminded me of the pin forest I had seen in my geographic books at school. His imposing figure matched Eric's even though he had slim muscles. His face was round like one of a child, he had crooked teeth and seemed younger than Eric. The leader turned to his friend and nodded.

"Sure Lex, we're coming."

"The famous Chris, pleasure to meet you." Lex turned to me and bowed before me.

"Famous?" I asked dumbfoundedly.

I feared someone had already spread the word about my rape. Lex laughed heartedly at my wide-eyed face.

"Nothing to worry about, I'm Josh's friend. He praised your singing skills so much, I couldn't stop him." He explained, his big smile always on his lips.

My cheeks turn a dark red at the mention of singing. Eric's eyes locked on me, I could feel his intense stare. I laughed nervously and shrugged my shoulders.

"Oh, well, it's been years since my initiation. I can't believe that anyone remembered this."

"Just so you know they all miss your voice." He winked at me then walked away.

"So you sing."

I turned to Eric, fiddling with my fingers.

"Sort of, I sang in the shower all the time during initiation. It kept me sane from stress." I admitted.

"Interesting." He muttered more to himself than to me.

We entered a secluded bar where a makeshift stage had been set up. The band was already in place, testing the sound before playing. There were few people, some I knew like Josh, Matthew, and Grey. All three were in my initiation class. As soon as we step into the room, silence fell. All eyes turned on us. Eric sent them a look and they all came back to their conversations.

"Chris, it's good to see you here." Matthew greeted me.

"Hey, guys" I smiled at the three men.

They had got stronger and they became real Dauntless men throughout the years. They were in the same patrol squad, real brothers. They came from different families that had been friends for years, they grew up together and didn't part ways at any point. Same as Jenna, Kate, and I. Eric stood next to me, hands in his pockets, not paying attention to the conversation.

"There's free time after the rehearsal, anyone can play on the stage. I hope we'll see you up there." Matthew said enthusiastically.

"Don't count on it, I'm not quite ready to sing outside dormitories," I replied truthfully.

"Maybe you'll change your mind." Grey retorted optimistically.

When the trio had an idea it was nearly impossible to take their mind elsewhere. I rolled my eyes even though a small smile found its way on my lips. Lex called everyone to get attention.

"Let's go!" He shouted.

Music blared through the speakers around the stage. Vibrations surged through my body. Eric placed a hand on my shoulder, I flinched a little at the sudden contact. His eyes narrowed and he seemed thoughtful. I didn't really fear Eric, but I couldn't help but react badly to all physical contact.

"You want something to drink?"

I nodded in response then he disappeared at the countertop to order something. Music always eased my soul. My body moved slightly to the beat. I couldn't bring myself to go party last Friday because Brent would be here. Now there was no way for him to found me. I hoped he was rotting in a dirty cell in the depths of the compound.

Eric returned with two drinks. I took a sip, alcohol burnt my throat and I felt light-headed. I wasn't a drinker, I preferred to smoke but it was taboo in Dauntless. Many smokers would go on the roof or at the train racks not to be bothered. Zeke and Uriah Pedrad were notorious to sell weed nonetheless, leadership didn't mind as long as it didn't interfere with the faction's balance.

It was pleasant to let go. I began to dance once my drink finished. Alcohol intoxicated me. Eric joined me at some point, after his fifth drink or so. We were close, closer than ever. Our eyes were connected and couldn't let go, his large hands on my waist kept me against him. I lost track of time. The music came to a stop and we both quit our odd trance-like connection. I adverted my gaze to the ground and distance myself from Eric. When I glanced back at him, his eyes bored a darker tone. The same one Brent had when he was over me. Images flashed before my eyes. Unable to control the flowing memories, I clenched my fists and shook my head to get rid of them.

"Chris?" Eric called.

I needed to expel all of this. The trauma, emotions, memories. My body moved to the stage, all eyes were on me. I sat at the piano, my fingers caressed the instrument lightly. Jenna taught me to play a long time ago. I felt alone in the room to focus on my desire to pour my heart out. I began to play notes, I knew the song by heart. I opened my mouth and my voice filled the room.

“Finding refuge in my own lies How are you? I'm doing alright Small talk is a great disguise Just let me be Just let me be

Empty thoughts start to crowd my mind Am I only living, living to survive? Shake it off but I've lost the drive Just let me be Just let me be

Let me be okay

No one knows what goes on up inside my head There's a new kind of poison and it's starting to spread No one knows what goes on up inside my head They don't think I need help But I'm scaring myself

I just want to be okay I just want to be okay

All the voices in my head are coming to life They're getting louder and I'm, I'm terrified How do you run from your own mind? Is this what I've become? Take it back, what have I done?”

The last notes died in the silent room. A round of applause erupted from the little crowd. Josh, Matthew, and Grey were thrilled by my showcase. I found Eric's eyes on me, he knew all too well that the lyrics held some truth. I get up and walked out of the bar. I wanted to be alone. Alcohol had worn off during my performance. Emotions ate at me again,. They wouldn't let me enjoy life as I used to. Memories haunted me whatever I did. I walked to my apartment then went up to the roof. I spent the night smoking and gazing at the starry sky.

#ericxoc #eric coulter #eric divergent #divergent #divergentfanfiction #fanfiction #angst #romance #triggerwarningsonpartone #dark themes #mature

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