#stupid sexy arthur

[reneesbooks]

a little jarthur for sunday morning

*claws out of my own grave* the students haven't killed me yet. here's the first coherent thing i've written in literal weeks

A rap at Arthur’s window makes him look up from his notes. He see’s Jack’s beaming smile through the crack of the shutters and throws them open, leaning on his elbows on the sill. “You know you’re not supposed to be here.”

“That’s what makes it fun.” Jack’s smile grows impossibly brighter. “It’s the coronation today.”

“I know.”

“Everyone’s invited.”

Arthur raises an eyebrow. “Even street rats and orphans like us?”

“As long as you don’t announce yourself as such.” Jack offers him a hand. “Come with me?”

Arthur glances over his shoulder at his bedroom door. The nuns won’t expect him until dinner; he has plenty of time to get back before they’ll notice he’s gone. He turns back to Jack and takes his hand, smiling back at him. “You’re going to get me in so much trouble.”

“Don’t threaten me with a good time.”

They blend into the crowds streaming towards the castle gates and Arthur cranes his neck to see as much of the gardens as possible as they are herded down the main path by the royal guard. The great hall is even bigger than he’d imagined, the chandeliers sparkling with light that dances across the walls. He and Jack climb the stairs up to the balcony around the perimeter of the room and jostle their way to the front, leaning against the railing. From this point, they can see the nobility snacking on pastries and the priest pacing back and forth on the dais, ordering around altar girls and snapping at servants. Next to the ornately carved wooden throne stands a scowling soldier in a deep purple cloak, his piercing green eyes scanning the crowds continuously.

“That’s Keelan O’Leyne,” Jack whispers to him, bouncing on the balls of his feet. “Have you heard the songs?”

Arthur shrugs. “The nuns have mentioned him once or twice. They don’t seem to be a fan.”

“They wouldn’t be.” Jack strings his fingers through his hair, his eyes taking on an admiring quality that makes Arthur’s chest ache. “He’s dangerous and violent.” He sighs a little dreamily. “He’d probably cut my tongue out within ten minutes of meeting me.”

“It’s weird that you sound like you want him to.”

“Can you blame me?” Jack gestures at him, Arthur rakes his gaze over the knight again, admitting to himself that he is quite handsome. He would be more so without the deep scowl on his face. “Anyway, he’s famous for how he escaped the massacre of his village by slaughtering the twelve thieves that burned it down. He’s been the princess’s sworn shield since. I heard a rumor that he threatened to cut out the tongue of anyone who used her name in his presence.”

Arthur shivers. “No wonder the nuns don’t like him.”

The crowd hushes and the priest begins to chant. The doors at the end of the great hall swing open and Arthur cranes his neck as the princess steps into the room, floating down the aisle in a gown of blue silk. There is a black mourning stripe down the back. Jack whistles loudly and Arthur sees Keelan O’Leyne’s head whip in their direction, green eyes narrow with cold, calculated anger. Arthur hopes he isn’t able to tell which of them whistled and elbows Jack in the side. “You’re going to get your wish about meeting Keelan O’Leyne if you keep that up. It’s inappropriate.”

“I don’t care about the princess’s beauty, though it is great,” Jack says, his eyes still locked on where she’s advancing slowly down the aisle while the priest chants. “O’Leyne can have her. I’m looking at those jewels on her head and around her pretty neck.”

Arthur looks again, focusing on the crown and necklaces that she’s wearing. The necklace is three strands of jewels twisted together—rubies, pearls, and sapphires shaped into perfect spheres resting on her collarbone. The golden crown has been worked into the shape of flowers, the metal nearly blending into the princess’s braided hair. As she reaches the dais and turns to face the crowd, he gets a better view of it. The jeweled flowers glint in the light, more rubies and sapphires and pearls than Arthur has ever seen in his life set into the intricately wrought metal. He remembers from his reading that the crown jewels were made by the first queen of Raedora and placed on her head by her magical students. There were old stories, buried in the backs of his books, that they once served as powerful magical conduits for the moons.

“Long live Queen Maura of Raedora, blessed by rivers and moons!”

The room erupts in cheers and Arthur gets caught up in it, the shouting crowd around him and the carefree grin on Jack’s face. He could stay in this moment forever, the two of them anonymous in the crowd, not a gutter rat and an orphan but just two kids attending the coronation like everyone else.

Jack turns to him with that wide grin and says over the cheers, “I’m going to steal the crown jewels.”

Arthur laughs, perfect and unburdened. “Sure you are, Jack.”

“Oh, I am.” His eyes are full of plans and mirth and more plans. “And you’re going to help me.”

thieves of morbhard taglist (ask to be added <3): @k–havok @theharpywrites @allianaavelinjackson @oh-no-another-idea

[landoslvr]

MRS CHRIS | c. dixon

summary: a scroll through your internet presence as 'mrs chris'. [social media AU.]

pairing: fem!reader x chris dixon (chrismd)

faceclaim: eva meloche

notes: first piece for mrs chris out of the wag universe. eva is gonna be the main fc I use for mrs chris, hopefully you like it!

liked by taliamar, faithlouisak and 4,398 others

yourinstagram charity match this week, plus some other fun tidbits

view all 129 comments

user that outfit 🤩

user I knew she was a rhode girly 💅

taliamar soooo pretty 🤍🤍🤍

stephan_tries the only person who is safe from my slander in the commentary box

yourinstagram it's because without me you would've been cancelled a loooooong time ago

stephan_tries best pr manager in the biz

user my idol tbh

user you radiate good energy

chrismd10 another day, another slay 😚

yourinstagram please never speak again

liked by yourinstagram, wroetoshaw and 180,837 others

chrismd10 there's norway this is my job

view all 398 comments

faithlouisak my daughter's gonna see that picture one day

user get y/n on it now!!!

user creating more work for y/n by posting ethan's ass pics

user couple goals 😩💅

user when he makes her job harder 🤩🤩🤩

user chris hitting the glow-up hard 🤤

user y/n knew what his potential was 🤍

user they started dating and he just got hotter??

user that harry shot was lethal 🫣

user sick video 👍🏽

yourinstagram why must you do this to me? do you hate me?

behzinga I'm sorry

yourinstagram I'm letting you go

chrismd10 sorry mate

yourinstagram you're next md

liked by miniminter, chrismd10 and 4,982 others

yourinstagram norway for the week <3 at shoots and scrubbing ass pics from the internet 🫶🏼

view all 187 comments

user she's just so pretty 🫠

chrismd10 good luck with that 🫣

yourinstagram you can explain to olive why her dad's bum is all over the internet one day christopher

faithlouisak aunty y/n would NEVER do that to her beloved neice

yourinstagram my literal baby girl 😭

user y/n drinking wine to ignore her boyfriend and other clients being stupid

user literally every person in the new video, apart from danny, is a part of y/n's client base

user how does she do this shit

user girl has managed to stop HARRY LEWIS from getting cancelled, I'm convinced she can do anything

liked by georgeclarkeey, freyanightingale and 5,019 others

yourinstagram mixing work with pleasure apparently..

view all 213 comments

user EAT HIM UP Y/N

user in the words arthur television: she gagged him

calfreezy send kart 21 down the river

user chris on a ladder is so funny to me 😭

maxbalegde sexy pr lady, come over right NOW, you look too good to not be at my place of residence

yourinstagram be right there xx

user casual london fashion week pic on the 2nd slide x

yourinstagram humble bragging 😩

user I want her life 😭😭

user ikr literally hanging out with all your friends because you manage their image? sign me up

yourinstagram rlly easy guys, just date a famous youtuber and have a media and communications degree xxxx just so easy!!

chrismd10 never forget where you came from.. me

yourinstagram okay mr arsenal bedsheets x

liked by chrismd10, willne and 5,193 others

yourinstagram I got my Greece trip- I mean video... and got to pick which extras to bring along......

view all 287 comments

user quick everyone act shocked that chris is there

user oh my gosh.. no way, chris? I am so surprised

yourinstagram I appreciate the effort guys 🥲

user she just is that bitch 😭

user you know she's got every single one of those men wrapped around her finger

arthurtv i wasn't one of the chosen ones 💔

yourinstagram because im tired of you and chris sharing a bed and me sleeping on the hotel couch

chrismd10 foiled again arthur

calfreezy send me this pic you traitor

user pr manager/photographer

yourinstagram I need a pay rise

chrismd10 thanks for stowing me away in your suitcase xx

user she's mothering I love it

user so hot

user major fitty ❤️‍🔥🤩

taliamar so true

liked by yourinstagram, freyanightingale and 178,399 others

chrismd10 constantly reminding me who she is in that first photo. happiest of birthdays to my pr manager and nothing else!

view all 412 comments

user happy birthday y/n the pr manager!!

user a y/n photo dump is my favourite kind!!

user spoil us chris!!

wroetoshaw happy birthday y/n!

faithlouisak my wife's birthday 🤩

ksi happy birthday to the goat

user chris and y/n be sappy challenge

callux the queen! happy birthday!!

vikkstagram happy birthday mrs chris!! thanks for everything

yourinstagram thank your lucky stars you posted all nice pictures or I would've deleted your youtube channel xxxx

user Y/N PLEASE 😭

[vivwritesfics]

okay what about reader and charles are super close friends but all his fans and everyone thinks they’re dating because… they’re so flirty with each other. and after enough people ask or something they finally stop being stupid and realize their in love… thoughts…

I got an arthur fic in the works rn, rather excited for it

"Sup Sexy Buns."

It had been his nickname since they were kids, and Charles loved it. He wouldn't trade it for the world. Actually, he would, but only for one of his other nicknames.

They were cute together, the entire grid knew it. Charles would always keep her tucked under his arm as he walked through the paddock, the two of them looking like teenagers in love.

Maybe because they'd been in love since they were teenagers. Just, neither of them realised it.

After nights of hopeless pining and complaining to other driver, something had to be done about the two of them. They were become insufferable, and everyone was beginning to hate them.

Charles had another interview where he made it clear he wasn't dating Y/N. It was a far too regular occurrence and it was beginning to drive him mad. Maybe one day she really would be his and he wouldn't have to tell the world that he didn't love her.

To try and get them together, the other drivers had to rely on Carlos. He waited for Charles to enter his drivers room, lured Y/N in there and then held the door shut behind them. "You're not coming out until you kiss!" He shouted.

"This is really stupid," she said as she leaned against the wall.

"Somehow I don't think Carlos was working alone," Charles said as he stood beside her. "Maybe we should just kiss. Then he'd open the door."

She swallowed the lump in her throat. "I think they might want us to do more than kiss," she said quietly as she played with the necklace she always wore. It was a gift from Charles and she rarely took it off.

"I can't believe they all found out I like you," Charles muttered.

"I feel like Danny told the rest of the grid that I like you," she answered, turning to face him.

It was incredibly casual how they confessed to each other. But, what now. "We've been really stupid, haven't we?" Said Charles as he cupped her face.

Most other drivers had their ears pressed against the door as they kissed. "They're doing it!" Daniel hissed, smacking Maxs arm.

"I know! Now shut up!"

[dilemmaontwolegs]

Licence to Thrill || CL16

Pairing: Charles Leclerc x fem!reader Summary: You give Charles the ride of his life when he’s running late to an important event. Warnings: 18+ only, illegal driving, sexual innuendos, fluff WC: 2.7k

F1 Masterlist || Based on this request

“No, no, no, shit.” Charles’ curses woke you up and you rubbed your bleary eyes as he tossed the blankets back, cold air rushing over your skin. You immediately missed the warmth of his body where he had been spooning you all night and grabbed your phone to see the time.

“Fuck!” Charles growled as his little toe caught the corner of the bedpost, again, and you leapt up to get dressed too. “We are so late, mon amour.”

He had been looking forward to the charity football game all week and the prospect of missing the kick off made him clumsy in his rush. While you pulled on a pair of jeans and a shirt he struggled to get one leg into his team’s black football shorts, falling twice as he lost his balance. 

“I’m sorry,” you murmured as you curled an arm around his waist to steady him. “I shouldn’t have kept you up so late.”

He grabbed a shirt before sparing a moment to press his lips to your forehead. “Don’t be, I enjoyed myself very much.”

“Oh, I know, and I’m pretty sure my neighbours know it too,” you teased as you took your shirt from his hands and tossed him the correct shirt with his name and driver number on the back. “Come on, get that sexy ass moving.”

He laughed as you squeezed his butt when he bent down to tie his shoes. “Hands off the goods, honey, I’m not a piece of meat.”

“Keep telling yourself that, handsome,” you shot back as he made for the stairs and you locked the house behind you.

“Shit,” Charles groaned as he hit his head on the steering wheel. “I am stupid.”

“What’s wrong?” you asked, leaning over to see the dashboard. “You forgot to put petrol in again, didn’t you?”

“I was in a rush to get here last night,” he admitted sheepishly. “I’ll call Arthur to come get us.”

“I can take us.” You opened your handbag and found your keys as well as the remote for the garage door.

“Wait, you drive?”

“Of course I do,” you laughed as you climbed out of the Pista.

He quickly hopped out his side to follow. “I didn’t even know you had a licence. Why am I only just learning this now?”

“You never asked,” you said with a shrug, “and you always offer to pick me up.”

“Because I thought you didn’t drive.”

You giggled as you hit the remote and the door lifted up. “What did you think was in the garage?”

“Storage? Chérie,” he sighed as he followed you down the driveway that passed by the front door that he had a key for and he pointed to it. “I’ve never come in your backdoor, how should I know?” You cocked an eyebrow up with a smirk and he rolled his eyes. “You know what I mean.”

“Well, just so you know, the garage is where I park my car.” You waved a hand to the opened door and Charles whistled as he saw the gleaming black hood catch the morning sun. He automatically started walking to the drivers side and you tutted at him. “Don’t even think about it, love. That’s my baby.”

“But-“

“No buts, if you want to make it to the match on time you ride shotgun.” You grabbed his shoulders and turned him in the direction of the other door and he grumbled as he started to walk around. “If it’s any consolation, you can pick the music.”

The door creaked open and slammed shut behind him before he groaned and you laughed as you climbed in to see him holding his phone, the Spotify app useless with the old radio. “Forgot to mention, she only takes cassette tapes.”

“You know you can update the stereo,” he pointed out as he opened the glove compartment and rifled through the stacks of old cassettes. “Fleetwood Mac. Michael Jackson. There’s nothing from this century.”

“Hey, don’t hate on them. They are classics and this is a classic car.” You turned the key and grinned as he dropped the tape at the sudden roar that was deafening in the small garage. “You might want to buckle up, baby.”

“Why are there racing harnesses in here?” he asked as he pulled the five point harness over his shoulders and bucked it in.

“You probably shouldn’t ask questions you don’t want the answers to,” you admitted as you shoved a random mixtape into the radio and turned the volume dial up.

The kick drum intro to Ram Jam’s  Black Betty thumped from the speakers as you pushed down the clutch and put the ‘70 Dodge Charger into gear. The full force of the V8 engine drove your body back into the seat as the car hurtled forward and burst into the sunlight. Charles latched onto the handle above his door and while the other hand pressed against the dash and his knees tucked up like he was preparing for impact.

“I’m trying not to be insulted here,” you huffed as you pushed his knee down between shifting gears. “I may not have a super licence like some people, but I have never crashed.”

A terrified scream erupted as you burst out of the driveway and pulled the handbrake, kicking the back wheels out as you drifted into the quiet suburban street and took off with a trail of burnt rubber. Your neighbours wouldn’t be too happy but you didn’t care as long as you got Charles to where he needed to be on time.

You spared a glance over to your boyfriend and saw the whites of his eyes as they stared at the road ahead and his knuckles turned white from the tight gripe he held. “Chérie, road, road, cars, look, traffic, look at the road. The road!”

He turned to you wide eyed as you approached the busy intersection at full speed before hitting the brake. You held his eye contact as you shifted down the gears before coming to a gentle stop at the lines in front of the traffic light and he exhaled in relief.

“You’re fucking crazy,” he said but the words were warm and his smile was one amazement as the adrenaline hit him. His hands tugged the harness until it was snug and he settled into the seat as you waited for the light to turn green. “I’m ready this time.”

“Good, because we won’t make it if I stop for every red light.”

“Wait, what?” The light changed and you put your foot to the floor as Charles chuckled nervously. “You’re joking right?”

“If it helps, sure,” you shrugged, weaving in and out of the cars and ignoring the angry honks of their horns. “Do you think I could take your car for a spin?”

“Absolutely…not.” 

You narrowed your eyes as he got your hopes up and almost missed the turn that would shave a few seconds off the travel time. Any normal person would have struggled to stay upright in their seat but Charles’ line of work made it easy for him to tense his abdominals and neck so he barely moved as the mass shifted and the back wheels drifted behind the turn.

“What if I let you drive this?” you bartered as the road straightened out and you reached speeds high enough to instantly lose your licence and the car. 

“Oh, mon amour,” he murmured as he chewed his bottom lip and he debated the offer before looking at his watch. “If you get me there before kick off you have a deal.”

He should have known you wouldn’t miss out on the opportunity very few people got and the smile you gave him gave him pause as he wondered what he had just got himself into.

“It’s going to be tight,” you muttered as you saw the time, just catching the hint of a smile on his face. “But doable.”

Charles watched with fascination. He saw your eyes scanning the road far ahead, making plans and contingency plans for the hazards that you might face. All the while you blindly shifted up the gears with your feet working in tandem, releasing the accelerator as you double clutched for a smoother transition. 

“I can’t believe this is really happening,” he chuckled in disbelief as you took a corner with enough speed that he knew there had to be some g-force working against you, but you didn’t even notice as you gripped the wheel tight and exited the apex without slowing down.

“I’m pretty sure if you were dreaming we would be doing something else, not driving.”

“I’m not sure now, I’m finding this extremely hot. You could pull over and make that dream come true?”

“And miss out on driving your baby? No way.” You shook your head with a laugh before biting your lip. “It is tempting, but I have to think of the children. They would be very disappointed if you didn’t show up for the match.”

“And Pierre, I don’t think he would forgive me.”

“I said children didn’t I. Oh, shit.” You ripped the handbrake and did a 180 as you missed the street you needed. “Stop distracting me.”

The stadium was just up ahead and you could see the parking lot on the other side of the overpass but there was only one road to get there. Unless you wanted to drive the long way around but then you would be late.

“Amour, that’s a one way street,” Charles pointed out as you headed to the underground pass. “You’re going the wrong way. There’s traffic cameras here too.”

“You’re right,” you huffed before twisting the wheel a little to the left then all the way to the right. The suspension would not like the pressure you were putting it under but she spun around and you shoved the car in reverse and draped your arm across Charles’ chair as you looked over your shoulder. “Wouldn’t want to get a fine.”

The engine roared inside the tunnel as you pushed the limits of the gear and you swerved through the lanes. You were grateful that it wasn’t rush hour traffic so there were only a few drivers angry with your recklessness before you burst out of the tunnel, through the intersection and into the parking lot. 

The stadium was quiet since the event was only televised but there were still lots of media crews at the entrance and they all turned your way as the back of your car careened towards them. You reached the last row of empty parking spaces and pulled the handbrake, whipping the front around and coming to a stop beside the gate entrance.

“Twelve seconds to spare,” you laughed as you drummed your fingers on the steering wheel. “That will be twenty euros and a five star rating, s’il vous plaît.”

“Just enough time to change my shorts,” he joked as he pushed his door open.

“Good thing they are black this year,” you retorted with a laugh as you tossed him his boots he would have forgotten. “Go, I’ll meet you inside.”

He blew a kiss as he took off at a jog and waved to the stunned reporters who were still recording.

“Is that Y/N?” A female presenter asked her male colleague.

“Leclerc’s girlfriend?” He laughed and shook his head. “No way. This has to be some stunt.”

You drove more sedately to a spot a few spaces away where you spotted Pierre’s car and parked beside it before killing the engine and letting the silence settle. Adjusting your mirror, you saw everyone still watching, waiting to see who it was being the wheel.

“I told you,” the woman gasped as she elbowed the man. “It was her! Do you have a moment?”

“Sorry, games about to kick off,” you apologised as you rushed past and into the stadium just in time to see Charles faceplant. “Ohh,” you gasped along with the others watching before cupping your hands around your mouth. “Yellow card ref!”

“He tripped over himself,” Kika whispered as she joined you.

“Oh I know, I just thought he could use a little 15 minute rest.” You grinned as you gave her a kiss on the cheek. “He’s had a rough morning.”

“What happened?”

“He stubbed his toe.” Your phone started vibrating and you pulled it out of your pocket to see your twitter notifications blowing up. “Huh, that was quick. The devil works hard but F1 fans work harder.”

You showed her the thread which started with a short clip of your car thrashing it down the street, Charles holding on for dear life. You chuckled as you saved it to show him later, knowing he would get a kick out of it too.

“Yeah, I don’t think that was the stubbed toe, hun…” she hummed.

“Meh,” you shrugged, pocketing the device so you could concentrate on the game.

Charles and Pierre’s team won the match and you climbed over the baluster to jump down to the grass as the pair jogged over. Charles swept you up with a proud grin as he spun around.

“Well played, handsome,” you praised as you brushed his sweaty hair back into place before helping yourself to a quick kiss.

“Wouldn’t have made it without you, chérie.”

Pierre clapped him on the shoulder and nodded his head to the reporters waiting for a post match interview and he reluctantly placed your feet back on the ground.

“Well, this should be interesting,” you muttered to Kika as you waved to the camera that remained pointed at you until Charles said something.

“Just how bad was your driving?” she asked curiously.

“Bad? Oh it wasn’t bad,” you chuckled. “My driving is actually very good, if I do say so myself. It was just a little faster than he was expecting.”

She curled an eyebrow up. “He goes 200 mph for a living.”

“Yeah, funny right.”

Charles was still catching his breath when the microphone was held in front of him and could see videos of his entrance playing on the big screens around the stadium. Pierre’s eyebrows disappeared under his hair in surprise as he saw the black Charger spinning to a stop and his friend climbing out.

“No fucking way,” Pierre laughed as he looked back at you laughing with his girlfriend. “That’s awesome.”

“I know right,” Charles said with a proud smile. “You should have seen it, she was going full on sideways through these corners, it was insane.”

“So, Charles, I'm sure this comes as no surprise,” the reported began, “but we have some questions about your girlfriend, after the entrance she made.”

“You have some questions?” He threw his head back and laughed. “I have some questions! I had no idea she could drive like that.”

“Her father is a rally driver. Did you really never suspect anything?”

“My mother is a hairdresser, doesn’t mean I am good at cutting hair. Why do you think I wore a bandana during lockdown? I butchered it that’s why.” He brushed his hair back that had thankfully grown back after his terrible attempt and laughed to himself. “So no, I didn’t assume she could drive because her father can.”

The interview finally turned to the football match and then a little bit about the upcoming race before Charles was able to escape. He held up a finger and mouthed one minute as he made a detour to the few fans that had been invited. He talked with some of them, shaking hands and signing autographs.

You wolf whistled loudly as Charles took his shirt off and he grinned without even having to check who it came from before he gave it to a fan and waved goodbye. You knew you were staring as he jogged back and you knew you weren’t the only one, but he only had eyes for you as he gave you a wink and draped his arm over your shoulder.

“How cool is that shot,” he said as he looked up at the screens still playing a rotation of highlights from the game and your arrival. “There’s just one way to make it better.”

“Excuse me?” you dared him to criticise your driving but his charming smile only grew wider.

“Do it in a Ferrari.”

[vixensdungeon]

You've probably asked yourself

What are psychology mechanics in tabletop roleplaying games?

Or maybe you haven't, because that's a term used by like two people because it was made up by me. But others have come up with it before me! Warhammer, for example, uses "psychology" to mean effects like Hatred and Stupidity that modify the behavior of units on the battlefield. And that's thesame basic concept we're talking about.

Psychology is a game mechanic that represents a character's inner life and modifies their behavior. Some would call such a thing a "roleplaying mechanic," but those people are silly with a limited idea of what roleplaying is.

Psychology mechanics fall broadly into three categories, or three C’s. They are:

enCourage: if you do X I’ll give you a little treat Coerce: do X or suffer the consequences Compel: you do X

Encouraging mechanics seem the most in vogue in modern design, though I think the other two have their place. (I briefly considered naming the first one Consent but that wouldn't reflect how the mechanic acts upon the character, and in truth the player consents to all three by playing a game with such mechanics in it)

One game I think is particularly famous for its psychology rules, that being Call of Cthulhu with its Sanity mechanic, and I think King Arthur Pendragon deserves a nod for its passions and such, but we’re going to talk about a different one. Paradigm shifting in its time, seen as traditional these days, it’s Vampire: The Masquerade, the cool game for sexy goths!

To help us delve into the World of Darkness, we’ll employ the guidance of Malcolm Fisher, a Lick currently operating somewhere in England. Say hi, Malcolm!

I knew the vixen was trouble the moment she walked into my life, with an air of mystery and danger, and thighs that-

Ahem, yes, thank you. I think we don’t need to hear from Malcolm anymore, wouldn’t you agree? Instead we’ll use his character sheet to explore the various psychology mechanics in Vampire.

Vampire 5th Edition doesn't actually have an example of encouraging mechanics that I can remember (correct me if I'm wrong), so we'll briefly dip into its predecessors for that. Malcolm has two archetypes, a Demeanor and a Nature. In his case both match: Enigma. Whenever Malcolm acts in accordance to his Nature, in this case by perplexing other characters through actions that turn out to make sense in hindsight, he regains spent Willpower. This encourages Malcolm to act a certain way.

V5's compulsions are, despite the name, a coercive mechanic according to the terminology I made up. When Malcolm suffers a bestial failure on a roll, he might suffer from a compulsion. We'll assume that in this case it's not the one specific to his Clan, Malkavian, but rather one of the generic ones: Paranoia (still appropriate for him). Any action not taken to disengage from any perceived threat suffers a penalty. This coerces Malcolm to act a certain way by punishing him for doing otherwise.

Finally we have the big one, Frenzy. This prevents a player from saying something to the effect of "I would simply not flee in terror from fire." I'm terribly sorry but that's not for you to decide. Unless one decides to ride the wave and not resist the frenzy, the Storyteller takes control of the character. Seeing a large bonfire after a particularly draining investigation, Malcolm fails his Willpower roll and falls into a terror frenzy. He will flee from the fire in the most expedient manner, whether the player wanted to or not. This compels Malcolm to act in a certain way, because he has no other choice.

And there you have it. That's the general gist of psychology mechanics.

[ar1mas]

- a rant

no because ive watched this stupid show 5 years ago, and i only noticed this now?? how???

ok. some context first. this is about fox' gotham, a prequel series to batman. or at least a potential one with slight changes. one of those changes is the relationship between oswald cobblepot and edward nygma (spelled with a 'y' for mayhap legal reasons? idfk its silly). whats their relationship like in the show? well...

theyre gay af. idk what to tell you.

okay so oswalds gay as fuck. edwards... ambiguous. totally ambiguous. he had a girlfriend or 2 and a half (kristen kringle, the-woman-who-shall-not-be-named (aka kristen but... blonde? this show is weird), and lee. not comfy counting lee, but technically shes one, hence the 'and a half')! very straight, much hetero (on another side note how tf is oswald the gay one, like i know he wears make-up and shit but eddies all about theatrics and showmanship and flair and hOW IS OSWALD THE GAY ONE NEXT TO HIM?? ok anyway).

so oswald was (is. be real.) canonically in love with ed, ed was.........., and 'penguin in love' is a piece of music composed by david russo for season three in which the whole "im in love with my best friend" thing took place.

that song has been used all over season three, as far as i can tell not once in season four, and once in season five.

.....or so i thought.

because yesterday, while in another obsession phase (of which i get one a few times a year. ive only ever watched the show once, in 2019, when it ended. still dream about nygmobblepot though. i dont dream about media, like ever, but with them, its different), i saw 5x8 to satiate my never satisfied craving of nygmob scenes, obviously skipping the main story bc i dont care about that straight shit. i got to the scene where oswald kills mr. scarface and frees arthur penn from said mr. scarface, after which ed shoots him in the head because thats what one does in such a situation, thought "aw how cute", again, as one does, and then realised.

what was that background music just now? rewinds.... oh. oh haha, its 'penguin in love'. how fun.

WHAT.

WHY IS THAT IN THERE. WHY DID THEY INCLUDE IT.

correction. it wouldve made sense to have it here. they used it in 5x5 for the speech about not backstabbing each other (wedding vows for murderers fr fr), so using it again after their relationship has solidified wouldve made sense.

note how im saying 'would have'.

because it would have made sense, if they used it when ed said "i accept you for the person that you are, just as you accept me for the cold logician that i am. thats why this friendship is great." they didnt, though. they used another equally heartfelt song for that. dunno what its called, it sounds a bit like 'penguin in love' but isnt, not sure if that one has a specific meaning like 'penguin in love' does.

so when was the song used? at 36:08 – 36:17. barely ten seconds, right before eds lines, right before ed kills penn.

...right when penn was sitting in oswalds lap because theyd been fighting for the gun and os fell on the ground.

now. the most obvious answer to "why in the fucking hell" would be because ooh this dudes on his lap so sexy, but no. no. 'penguin in love' is about one specific thing: love. the pure kind. the kind that makes you giddy with butterflies in your stomach, kicking your legs, while youre on your bed, writing in your diary about this guy you have a crush on. and oswald and penn do have history, oswald was more or less fond of penn, but not in love (i mean where would he have found the room in his heart if it was already filled with EDWARD EDWARD EDWARD martin my sweet boy EDWARD EDWARD EDWA-). im also definitely not thinking that penn was so happy about being free from mr. scarfaces influence and not having to kill oswald (oh yeah, the horror. who would wanna kill oswald, the guy with the big ego, who never does anything for anyone without some kind of endgoal- well, unless your name is edward of course) that he instantly fell in love with the guy. i can deal with the homicidal kind of crazy, but that? no. thats where i draw the line.

the next most obvious answer is that it was about oswalds love for ed. more believable, since its what the song was made for, but more believable doesnt mean believable. or likely. because even if i 100% believe that hes been loving this dude for so long its not something he has to think about anymore for it to be true, im pretty sure that itd be very random to suddenly focus on that when oswald was just about to die. so no, even if its what the song is intrinsically about.

so next most obvious answer is- wait. thats it. huh? theres no obvious answer anymore? everything else is brainrot? oh. oh well. its been five years, im sure its too late to worry about it now. what the hell.

im sure you know where im going with this. or maybe not. honestly idk what the fuck im talking about-

youre smart. you know what im about to say. if it wasnt about what oswald was feeling because he was otherwise preoccupied, and it wasnt about penn because that makes no fucking sense, then who was this song used for? who else was in the room?

...oh.

YOU.

YOU FUCKING IMBECILE. YOU STUPID DENSE PIECE OF-

inhale, exhale. no. don’ get mad, you know he cant help it. you know hes totally helpless when it comes to emotions. just breathe. ok.

i hate him. i hate him so much.

if the song wasnt for oswalds sake, it was for his. because i know hes in love with oswald, but does ed? does the producers??

'penguin in love' is about oswalds love. its about his love for edward. its about their love, their relationship. its about edward just as much as it is about oswald.

a-fucking-PPARANTLY, I DIDNT KNOW THAT!! I JUST THOUGHT OH YEAH OZZY BE THE GAY ONE HAHA FUNNY, I DIDNT KNOW IT COULD BE ABOUT ED DIRECTLY!!!

(why am i like this? what is my life? i will never be normal.)

ed has always been the obsessive one. first kristen (and the woman who shall not be named is just an extention of that ofc), then oswald, then lee. and as weve seen with kristen, when hes obsessed with someone, he can become possessive. absolutely not on the scale oswald is on, but still. theres a wee bit of jelly there. oh you have a boyfriend? better get rid of him! oh you wanna run away from me bc i murdered your boyfriend? better keep you right in place and- oh shit did i kill you? ono D:

this is a huge oversimplification, but you get the point. its there. or at least it has to be there because why else do you get so angy that someone is sitting in the lap of your just friend because they were fighting and they ended up in that position totally accidentally? like thats not normal behaviour, for anyone, unless you have possessive tendencies.

i mean its not like penn was a threat in any way. "he wasnt the threat, the dummy was the-" like i understand ed told penn about the submarine which was supposed to be a secret, but come on, like they couldnt make sure penn wouldnt say anything. so why would ed shoot him? its not even like penn was a random dude where that type of thing would be very inconsequential, oswald knew him. hed worked for oswald, and like i said, oswald was more or less fond of the guy. penns just a poor little meow meow, y u kil him eddie? 🥺

unless this fondness was part of the problem. unless ed saw how happy oswald was to see him, got annoyed but let it slide, then used penn attacking os and knowing about the sub as an excuse to kill him. and why would oswald being happy to see penn be a problem to ed? it wouldnt be. it wouldnt be, unless ed thinks oswald is his.

which makes sense. i know im calling him names and calling him out, but like. oswald told him he loved him like 5 times 2 years prior, i dont blame him for believing that maybe theres something to it (especially since that was the point of 3x14, oswald really being in love with him and surprising himself with it). but i thought ed didnt feel the same way? because hes very hetero? because he had a full-on girlfriend before, twice, technically? because-

"the truth is oswald, you would sacrifice anyone to save your own neck. even me."

"like i said! you will always fail, because youll never change."

hm. i know this is a bit off topic, but i just got a war-flashback and... why did ed sound so hurt when he said that? "youll never change." "you would sacrifice anyone. even me." why does he care? they were friends, best friends, yes, but why does he sound like a heartbroken wife who just found out her husband cheated on her again? why does-

"honestly you deserve this. you are opportunistic, your loyalty is.. shaking, at best, and you will hurt anyone, anyone, to get what you want."

"and yes, i was not a good friend. to you or anyone. its why im alone. but i saw you for what you are and i valued that!"

...why would edward nygma, the man who literally said "i dont love you" to oswald, be jealous of even the idea that maybe penn could have something going on with oswald? and why would he act on it if hes usually so careful to not reveal his feelings (unless its about kristen. the original obsession, the american dream, the just be normal, show them you are normal, and people will accept you)? he wouldnt.

unless oswald just told him that he knows he messed up. that hes sorry for it.

and unless that made him think that maybe theres a chance.

"love is about sacrifice. its about putting someone elses needs and happiness before your own."

"you gave up your revenge for me?"

a chance... for what?

"life begins anew."

"shall we get to work?"

and if theres a chance, hes not about to risk losing it. not this time.

so maybe 'penguin in love' is about more than just oswalds feelings. maybe they were trying to tell us that, yes, we see you traumatised gay kid, were sorry this is all we can give you, but here you go, eds in love with him too, but don’t tell the channel. subtlely. just for barely ten seconds. and maybe it can be enough.

nope, it wont be. im gonna sit here crying about the injustice of not having them kiss on screen in the finale as was originally intended for the rest of my life. seriously though, what is this, nbc's hannibal, where im noticing something new details every single time i watch the show, causing me to spiral? no, i was already spiralling. the spiralling was the reason i rewatched the scene. the scene simply made it worse.

so yeah, im done freaking out about a mediocre show that was cancelled 5 years ago and is honestly not worth anyones time (like, its ok. it might even be better than i remember since its been so long. i doubt it. but its ok).

tl;dr: ive only now realised that a specific gay song plays in a specific episode of a show i watched 5 years ago and the only reason theyd include it in the episode is if the dude that was not canonically in love with the other dude was in fact gay, they just werent allowed to make it canon, so they added the gay song to subtlely tell us about it.

have a wonderful day, hellsite. dont do what i did and go crazy about fictional gay people. i know you will though, that’s why im here too. i hate gay people. these two make me homophobic so bad, i wanna gauge my eyes out and skin myself-

[medievalandfantasymelee]

THE HOT MEDIEVAL & FANTASY MEN MELEE

QUALIFYING ROUND: 14th Tilt

William Thatcher, A Knight’s Tale (2001) VS. King Arthur Pendragon, King Arthur: Legend of the Sword (2017)

Propaganda

William Thatcher, A Knight’s Tale (2001) Portrayed by: Heath Ledger

“13-year-old me had such a HUGE crush on Will Thatcher / Ulrich von Liechtenstein, and you know what? 13-year-old me was RIGHT (and had much healthier taste in men). He's a dreamer, he's sweet (except maybe when you're dismissive about jousting...), he gives to others despite having little himself, he has the most charming, contagious smile. And to play us out... he's blonde! He's pissed! He'll see you in the lists! Lichtenstein! Lichtenstein!”

King Arthur Pendragon, King Arthur: Legend of the Sword (2017) Portrayed by: Charlie Hunnam

“He's buff, he's sexy; he respects women, children, and sex workers, and he hates cops; he's clever, he's driven, he's a little campy, he is OH SO SNARKY, and he looks pretty damn good wielding that sword of his... And he spends the majority of the movie looking confused and getting the shit beat out of him while still being the most respected person in the room”

Additional Propaganda Under the Cut

Additional Propaganda

For William Thatcher:

“HE'S SO CUTE AND BRAVE AND STUPID AND DETERMINED AND FUNNY AND POETIC AND HE HAS BIG BEAUTIFUL BROWN EYES AND FRECKLES AND HE'S BISEXUAL-CODED HE'S MY BOY I LOVE HIM SO MUCH”

“The only man that could have pulled off a David Bowie dance scene within a medieval ballroom.”

For King Arthur:

[ropasart]

SixFanarts

@gingermcfuzzleton Bunny the Rabbit, @void-sharks Jimmy Hopkins, Arthur Morgan,

@aidentheweeb69 Jacob Seed, Sniper tf2, @precioussniper Michael Myers

That stupid official Sexy!Sniper was only thing I could think of for this request lol

And I was on a train when I started drawing this meme, a passenger sat next to me in the middle of the process.

So I couldn’t move on to draw that coffee dripping idiot.

That’s why Jacob Seed is the most detailed drawing among them, I was just trapped there…….waiting the person to leave… erasing already existing lines and drawing again and again.

[xxsycamore]

👻🕸️🦇 IKEVAMP SUITORS IN A HORROR-MOVIE SETTING ! 🦇🕸️👻 (headcanons)

Happy Halloween! Yes, this includes all 17 suitors. I'm no expert on the genre but I thought this might be fun! Some of them die. I'm sorry. Warnings: everything that can appear in a horror movie really, including mentions of death, mass murder, blood, gore, torture, cults.

If you feel like reading something more goofy where everyone lives, try Pumpkin Carving Competition At Saint Germain’s Mansion or maybe even “Welcome to Saint Germain’s mansion, please have a fang-tastic night.” 

𝐍𝐀𝐏𝐎𝐋𝐄𝐎𝐍

The "okay guys, we need a plan" guy and welp, he has a sword, he is willing to walk in front, why not trust him? 👍🏻✨He's totally the one to hide being infected because come on, how are they gonna get out of there alive if the leader is down? Has a dramatic scene where he's fighting off the transformation in secret. Ends up being saved by someone and survives.

𝐋𝐄𝐎𝐍𝐀𝐑𝐃𝐎

Leonardo is the one you find along the journey, mistaking for an enemy at first as you get into his trap... when it actually turns out he's been there long before you, surviving all alone in this post-apocalyptic setting, adapted to it, prepared for every danger out there with gadgets he made himself! He might not stay alive until the end but plays a key role in the plot.

𝐌𝐎𝐙𝐀𝐑𝐓

He tried to warn them not to do anything stupid... He's now stuck suffering from the group's bad decision-making. He doesn't even know how he ended up there. Mozart is that one character that you're supposed to hate for being an asshole. At one point he falls in danger that specifically relates to a fear of his, and when everyone expects him to sacrifice another person to save himself, he does the opposite. He seemingly dies right there, breaking everyone's hearts, only to be revealed at the very end that he managed to survive!

𝐈𝐒𝐀𝐀𝐂 (credits for the idea goes to @scummy-writes guys she can write a whole fic of those I swear,, it's been such a pleasure listening to her)

Isaac needs to be saved five minutes into the movie... which writes him off as the weaker one from the get-go. This is going to be bad if the situation comes to "we gotta leave someone behind or we all die here!" - but hey, DON'T LEAVE ISAAC BEHIND IF YOU WANT TO SURVIVE! Because the next thing you know everyone falls into this deadly trap that only HE can figure the way out of, using his big brain skills. His worth has been proved! Everyone loves him now! And all he wants is to go back home and never go on a trip with these guys ever again!

𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐇𝐔𝐑

I'm sorry, Arthur dies first. The others are trying to warn him about the cases of victims who've been sucked to a dry husk and he's like "later virgins, i have a date tonight". Yeah his date totally killed him. Bonus points if we're dealing with vampires here, because irony. It's fine though, he's still important to the plot after he dies, because we find his writing diary and he left important cues there while trying to escape from his killer. Maybe he even came close to the truth! He knows his mystery genre stuff after all...

𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐎𝐃𝐎𝐑𝐔𝐒

Theo just does NOT believe paranormal exists, not even after witnessing it with his own two eyes. Worst part, he tries to convince the others too. "My broer IS NOT POSSESSED!" Uhuh! Okay Theo! You just saw cryptic images appear on his canvas without him even moving the brush but I guess he was just trying a new painting technique!! And he levitates too and his eyes are tar black but what do we know... Once Theo realizes the situation, he's out there swinging a bat (sexy), ready to beat the shit out of whatever caused this, and he's good at it. Don't worry about him dying.

𝐕𝐈𝐍𝐂𝐄𝐍𝐓

Poor baby Vincent is every sinister ghost/demon's number-one target. Vincent listens to the voices. He sympathizes with them! He makes friends with them! Maybe he doesn't even need to be possessed at this rate... Same story with joining a cult, honestly. When their bad intentions begin to come to light, Vincent puts up a fight and is suddenly not as easy to control as they thought.

𝐉𝐄𝐀𝐍

Jean might take some bullets from our main cast while someone shouts "IT WON'T DIE!" but it's fine he's used to it... he's been dead for quite some time and not just inside. Jean is probably the result of some sick experiment about making an immortal army of warriors and. It's sad. But it's fine because he joins the protagonists now! He's friend! I hope they apologize for calling him a monster. No, he doesn't die by the end of the movie, but at what cost?

𝐃𝐀𝐙𝐀𝐈

"Oh, it was just Dazai." Of course it was, someone has to be that one idiot that scares the shit out of everyone until he becomes the boy who cried wolf. Which usually ends with death! I'm sorry Dazai. At least they can take him seriously now and pay some more attention to the strange things he kept on saying.

𝐒𝐇𝐀𝐊𝐄𝐒𝐏𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐄

A very old-school villain! Bonus points if the setting is modern yet he still has a villain's lair and all that. There's something beautiful and tragic about him and he probably dramatically lets himself be defeated even if he had a chance to escape. Everyone will remember him. Mostly for the mental and physical torture, but still.

𝐂𝐎𝐌𝐓𝐄

"But we have one hour left until the curse kills us all, how are we gonna get there on time?!" *sounds of safari jeep pulling over* "Someone ordered a ride?" - yeah. Comte is here to save the day with the power of money friendship. And not just that! Who is the one who suddenly remembers a family heirloom that is as old as time and suspiciously shaped exactly like the key they're searching for? I also want him to lose an eye or a limb for some reason... just for a little touch of gore maybe?

𝐒𝐄𝐁𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐈𝐀𝐍

Gods, Sebastian is the only prepared one, bless him for that. He's read all about that urban legend while everyone's been busy denying its existence. He is not scared at all, too... you might wonder if he's just geeking out during all of this bloody mess or something. He's so important, please don't let him die please don't let him die... he died.

𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐋𝐄𝐒

The villain's aide that infiltrates the protagonists' group. By the time his betrayal scene happens and he nearly kills three members of the group with a chainsaw, we get a glimpse of his trauma and that's the key to sucessfully talking him out of doing it, eventually disarming him and catching him. He manages to escape and maybe later returns as an ally! Yay!

𝐅𝐀𝐔𝐒𝐓

Gods he's scary. I'm not watching this. Of course he's the killer, what did you expect? Has a tragic backstory of being used by an even more fucked-up killer in the past to do the dirty work for - and kept doing it even after getting rid of them himself, because that's the only thing he knows how to do. You can't fix him.

𝐕𝐋𝐀𝐃

IT'S HIMMM he's the scary little boy from the photos and the same scary little boy that always shows up in the rose garden and his soul just won't rest in peace!! Shows up in his adult form plenty too, just expect his expression to twist into something horrible every second. He needs to be sealed forever somewhere and it would take three sequels to get to know what would actually defeat him once and for all.

𝐃𝐑𝐀𝐊𝐄

... I'm sorry but there definitely is a lighthouse in this movie. And you can totally trust Drake! The poor guy's body just washed up for you to discover, tragically drowned-oh, wait no, he's breathing. He's totally not the same sailor who died around here many, many years ago. He's gonna keep you good company in the lighthouse alone for miles.

𝐆𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐋𝐄𝐎

Galileo is the one who saw the Thing™ with his own eyes, while he was watching the stars one night ages ago. He dedicated not only his massive research but also his life to this, yet noone believes him. If he somehow manages to find that one missing piece that connects everything together, he will die a horrifying death before he can even share it with the main cast. Rip...

Taglist: @arsnovacadenza @ale-teodora @kimi00twin @otomelady @privilegedpancake @g-kleran    @pumpumnnnp @thesirenwashere @ravenarld @kimmy-banana @devonares @galaxyprison @sadshaxk @starshards26 @thewitchofbooks @acethephoenix256 @ikevamp-shrine-2 @nad-zeta @crystal13unny @keen19thcenturygoatsstudent @lordsister @ikemen-banshou   @themysticalbeing @otome-scribbles @rhodolitesrose @coornn @kpop-and-otome @queen-dahlia @kisara-16 @chaosangel767 @ikemenlibrary @queengiuliettafirstlady @aurora-morning @aquagirl1978 ​ @ikemenlover24 @mcofthemansion @joy-the-reader @katriniac @ikemen-writer @tele86 @lovely-bubb1es @aria-chikage @babyblue0t7 @rhodoliteschaos @shrimpy-kitsune @nightghoul381 @xbalayage @lucyw260 @kittygrimm88 @my-day6 Let me know if you want to be tagged/untagged!

[arc-misadventures]

The Hate

Cinder: I hate a lot of people. The one person I hate the most is that bastard, Arthur Watts. But, then I met that mother fucker bastard son of a bitch, Jaune Arc…

Cinder: Have you ever met someone with so much golden retriever energy that you thought you were dealing with an actual dog?! He’s like a dog! I could throw him a tennis ball, and he’d be after it yelling, ‘Ball! Ball! Ball!’ Then he’d drop the damn thing at my feet, and expect me to throw it again!

Cinder: And, he’s too close! He’s always next to me, and asking me how I’m doing, offering shoulder rubs, and those damn cookies! Ahh! The hell is with him, and being so touchy feely?!

Cinder: And, he’s always smiling at me! With this god damn happy go lucky smile of his! How is he always so happy?! Like seriously, he sees me, and he’s just so fucking happy! Why is he so happy to see me?!

Cinder: Oh gods! He’s so insufferable! I’m going to bone that bastard so hard sooner, or later! Fucking bastard!

Emerald: …

Mercury: …

Neo: …

Mercury: I’m confused, does she hate his guts, or does she love him, and doesn’t know how to express her feelings…?

Neo: 🫤

Emerald: I think she likes him? But…?

Cinder: Stupid sexy blond motherfucker!

Emerald: Yes…?

Neo: 🤨

Mercury: Okay…?

[armoricaroyalty]

𝐕𝐀𝐋𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐄'𝐒 𝐃𝐀𝐘 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟒 / ❛ boy crazy ❜ part two (@nexility-sims)

When Zofia walked into a room, everyone noticed. It might have been the enormity of her hair or the constant noise of her rings and bracelets or else the overwhelmingly sweet scent of her favorite body mist, but she was captivating in every sense of the word. Hannah had been jealous of her, once upon a time. It would have been impossible to grow up with her without any jealousy: next to Zofia, everyone became shabby and dull. Ranks didn't matter at all, no title or royal honor could ever compete with that kind of natural charisma. Hannah loved her, but there had been days when she'd hated her, too. Now, though, she was only grateful. When Zofia walked in, nobody noticed the rest of them slipping out.

read part one here

author's note: @nexility-sims and I have been working on the zofia/rui romance since....early 2022? some time in 2021? since #rufia has completely dominated 2/3 of our joint brain power for years, it seemed fitting to finally let them out of our DM's to celebrate Love Day Valentine's Day. Happy V-Day, everyone!

Transcript under the cut.

CHEF | Aren't long nails against dress code, anyway? SERVER | [laughs] Girl, I don't give a fuuu— SERVER | You wanna know who else is wearing acrylics tonight? CHEF | [bored] I dunno, who? SERVER | Oh, nobody, just the Princess Zofia. CHEF | [gasps] CHEF | Shut. Up. You actually talked to her? What was she like? SERVER | She's fucking gorgeous. Like, obviously, but up close, she's even more beautiful. CHEF | Yeah, yeah, but what was she like? SERVER | Okay, so I didn't actually talk to her because she was all over her new boyfriend. They were like, so into each other. It was so sweet. CHEF | Really? I heard it's just a PR relationship so people will think she's over Sigis. SERVER | No way! They're obviously crazy abut each other. You can't fake— UNIDENTIFIED MAN | [offscreen] EVERYBODY OUT! HUGO | What, do I gotta say it again? All of you, clear out! HANNAH | [sighs] Please excuse us. HANNAH | My cousin and I need somewhere to speak privately. Will you please excuse us for a moment? CHEF | ??? SERVER | [shrugs] HUGO | ...anyway, did you see it? HANNAH | See what? HUGO | That stupid little hair flip. He did it a million times. HANNAH | He's growing it out for her. HUGO | Really? Hard to believe, he's so fucking vain. HANNAH | She told me she asked him to grow it long. [deep, beleaguered sigh] She thinks it's sexy. HUGO | What, are you for real? HANNAH | Oh yeah. She's always had a thing for guys with long hair. HUGO | ...huh. HANNAH | Anyway...what's your take? Personally, I don't see what she sees in him. HUGO | [snorts] He's better than Marshall. HANNAH | That's the world's lowest bar. Subterranean, in fact. HUGO | So what are we going to do? HANNAH | He's not a dog, we can't just run him off. HUGO | Well, you can't, but maybe if I— PIDGE | [offscreen] HEY! What are you two talking about? PIDGE | ...and why are you hanging out in the kitchen? ARTHUR | ....hi. HUGO | [icily] Farrier. HANNAH | It's late, Pidge. What are you still doing up? PIDGE | Uh, excuse you. Mama said I can stay until midnight. ARTHUR | ...you two aren't talking about Rui and Zofie, are you? HUGO | ... HANNAH | ...no. PIDGE | You two are such LIARS! PIDGE | Both of you are judgy control freaks! I thought he was really nice. HUGO | He could barely string a sentence together. ARTHUR | I mean...Armorican is his third or fourth language, isn't it? HUGO | Whatever! He gives me the creeps. HANNAH | Well, she says she's in love. HUGO | [scoffs] In love? They've known each other for six months. PIDGE | So? What if it was love at first sight? HANNAH | [exasperated] Pidge— HUGO | Just ignore her, she's fourteen. PIDGE | For your information, I'm fifteen. And I'll be sixteen in May, sooo— HUGO | Yeah, a baby— ARTHUR | Can I remind everyone that Zofia is twenty-two? She's an adult, she can make her own choices, and this is none of our business. HUGO | You're right, Farrier. It's none of your business. HANNAH | [offscreen] Hugo, enough. PIDGE | [mouthing] Rude. HANNAH | Arthur, what was your read? ARTHUR | I don't know, and I don't want to form a judgment until I've actually gotten to know him. He seems...fine? On par with the other guys she's dated. HANNAH | [sighs] "On par with all her other boyfriends" is the entire problem. HANNAH | I just don't want her to get hurt again. This happens every time, you know? She falls hard and fast and then the guy turns out to be a scum-sucking lowlife. PIDGE | [laughs] Hellooooo, what about Van? He was— HANNAH | Probably thw worst of all of them. Trust me, Pigeon. He's...he's no good. HUGO | [jokingly] You see, baby bird? That's why you're not allowed to date until you're thirty and why Hannah's gonna join a convent— PIDGE | No way, that's not fair. HANNAH | [tiredly] Hugo, shut up. No one asked. PIDGE | Yeah, Hugo. No one asked. ARTHUR | Look, I think we should at least give the guy a chance. HANNAH | [sighs] I guess we owe her that much. PIDGE | Guys, I actually talked to him, and trust me: he is like, sooo nice. HUGO | ... HUGO | I bet I could take him. PIDGE | Hey! Hannah, did you hear what he just said—

[imaginesforeveryone]

Openning Night

John Shelby x Y/N

Summary: It was re-opening night for the biggest Pub in small heath and you planned to make it a night to remember after getting out of a long shitty relationship

Warnings: drinking, swearing, smut, flirting

“Come on Y/N we’re going to be late!” You heard Elisa, your best friend, yelling from across the house to you. But you weren’t even close to being ready. Still laid in your bed. 

“Y/N Come on. Stop mopping. He isn’t worth it. He’s a bloody asshole that doesn’t deserve your tears. Aye?” She said moving the strand of hair that stuck to your check from you crying so much. 

“But what if he’s there? I don’t want to see him Elisa!” You said pouting, turning over and putting a pillow over your face.

“Then I’ll kick his ass and send him back to wherever his stupid ass came from. Now come on, get up and let’s get you sexy! Never know maybe one of them Peaky boys will see you.” She said smacking you in the butt and pulling you up. You giggled slightly trying not to show any other emotion than sadness, but it was hard to with her. Going to your closet you got out this beautiful black dress you had been saving for your 4 year anniversary with your ex, but obviously that did not pan out as you planned. Slipping the dress over your body and helping it settle into all your curves and smoothing it out. You went over to the mirror that sat up against your wall and looked yourself up and down. Noticing the darkness your eyes held from so much crying. You sat down at your desk with your make up, perfume, and your journal laid on. Putting on some make up to cover your eyes. 

“Holy fuck!” You heard from behind you. 

“You look. HOT!” Elisa said looking at you. You rolled you eyes and gave a small smirk. 

“Now come on.” She said grabbing your hand and yanking you up and out of your room. Grabbing your purse before leaving out the front door. 

Making your way down the streets of small heath as everyone walked aside you and Elisa going probably to the same big event in the small town you lived in. Finally making your way to the doors of the new and improved Garrison. Walking in and being blinded by all the gold in the place. So much different than what it used to be. Beautiful but different. Small heath was not a beautiful place. But hopefully this can bring some beauty to it. 

“Come on. Let’s get a drink in you!” Elisa said pulling you towards the bar. 

“Two gins please.” She said with confidence and began looking around the room. 

“We really need to travel. Its always then same men in here and im quite tired of it. I need me someone hot. But London hot, not small heath hot. You know what I mean?” Elisa went on and on about the men in this town. Taking down the gin that was set in front of you and asking for another. 

“May I have everyone attention please!” You heard a voice across the room. 

“LISTEN THE FUCK UP!!!” You heard an even louder voice yell. 

“Now that I have your attention. Thank you all for coming out to the grand re-opening of the Garrison.” You looked over to see who was speaking and it was the one and only Thomas Shelby. The leader of the Peaky Blinders. You were dumb if you lived in Small Heath and didn’t know who the Peaky Blinders were. There was Arthur Shelby, the eldest and formally the head of the family. Then there was Thomas Shelby the middle child who had held the power now of the family. Then there was John Shelby. The most beautiful of them all, at least in your eyes. Those cheek bones, those beautiful eyes, that jaw line. Gosh did it have you feeling some type of way just thinking about it. And there he sat, just inches from Thomas who spoke standing on top of one of the tables. You honestly did not hear a word that was spoken. Just keened in on John as he sat there listening to his brother, with a tooth pick in his mouth that he moved side to side with his tongue between different parts of his mouth. Oh, what you could only imagine he could do with his mouth. Noticing he looked away from Thomas to speak to Arthur who sat next to him. Seeing his eyes wonder around the room looking in every direction like he was making sure no harm came their way, but eventually meeting with yours. With a small smirk and a wink coming from him you broke eye contact with him quickly in embarrassment. 

“See now, if there could be more Shelby’s to go around that’s the man id want to wake up next to in the morning.” Elisa said. She noticed you looking a little red. 

“Oh what did I miss. Why are you blushing?” She asked turning towards you and taking a sip from her drink. 

“Uhm, I may or may have not just been staring at one of the Peaky Boys and got caught staring at him by him, and he may or may not of just eye fucked me a little.” You said quickly and downed your drink and quickly getting another. 

“OOOOO!! Which one? Arthur? He older but, he isn’t bad looking. That mustache is a bit much sometimes but, I bet he has figured out ways to do crazy things with that or was it Thomas, because damn girl get it while you can. You can be the queen of small heath, maybe even London one day. OR , OR Was it John. Aw. John He’s adorable. a fucking badass, but super adorable.” She asked with her crazy personality as usual. 

“Hello there ladies.” You heard a voice from behind you. You turned around and were you that drunk already that you were hallucinating? Is John Shelby ACTUALLY talking to right now. 

“Im John.” He said with a smirk on his face and looking right at you. Even looking you up and down. 

“Elisa.” Elisa said breaking the silence.

“Nice to meet you Elisa.” John said shaking her had. 

“And you are?” John said looking at you with is hand out. 

“Y/N.” You said with a slight voice crack out of being nervous.

“Hello, Y/N.” He said with his signature smile that made all the women melt in their shoes. Taking your hand and kissing the top of it. 

“HELLO LADIES!!” Arthur said stumbling over to you guys, and slicking his hair back with his hands. 

“And who is this beautiful young lady?” He said looking at Elisa and taking her hand in his. 

“Elisa, and you are Arthur Shelby, and you’d like to dance.” She said taking his hand and leading him to the middle of the room. 

“A women after me own heart.” Arthur said following her. You giggled slightly before looking back at John who seemed to still be looking at you. 

“Gin?” He asked looking down at your empty cup and you just smiled and shook your head. 

“Bottle of gin, bottle of whiskey at the window.” He said to the bartender. He took your hand in his and lead the way to the infamous Shelby booth. 

“Out. ” He said to the men and women sitting in there. they scrambled before he could get the whole word out. Nervous, you sat down as he grabbed the two bottles and shut the small door. 

“Don’t be nervous love. Just here for a good time, and maybe some small talk.” John said sitting down in the chair across from you. 

“Tell me something about yourself Y/N.” He said lighting a cigarette and watching you closely.

You and John talked for what felt like a few hours. He was funny, charming, sexy. You didn’t realize the time till it became somewhat silent in the place. Only noticing because John and you weren’t talking as loudly. 

“Wow, I didn’t realize how late it was. Sorry for keeping you so long.” You said to John before standing up and smoothing out your dress a bit but falling over your feet a bit. John catching you slightly to stand you up right.

“Sorry about that. Apparently I drank a little more than I thought.” You said with a slight giggle at the end. 

“Love, you finished the whole bottle.” He said sitting you down.

“Well, I guess that’s what happens when you have good conversations with a good man aye?” You said grabbing the collar of his shirt.

“Oh what a wonderful night. Thank you Mr. Shelby for having me. But, I think I should probably find Elisa, and go home.” You said sitting up, then standing up, kind of wobbly at first, but catching your balance quickly. 

“Darling let me walk you home. I don’t want you walking home alone. Lots a of bad people out there.” He said grabbing your hand.

“But aren’t you supposed to be bad people to?” You asked turning to look at him. Knowing well that was not right of you to say, but it kind of just came out, like word vomit. 

“Oh I’m bad people love, but only to other bad people.” He said caressing your cheek. 

“Come on, I’ll walk you home. Elisa went with Arthur, so don’t worry about her. She’s safe.” He said taking your hand, and grabbing your purse off the table. You followed him out of the room and into the main floor where you saw a few men laying on the floor passed out and some in the booths. You walked out the front doors of the Garrison and felt the cool breeze on your skin causing you to shudder a little. John took notice of this and took his jacket off. 

“Oh no, Im okay John.” You said pushing his hand away. 

“Wow, stop being stubborn.” He said wrapping the jacket over your shoulders. You grabbed the sides of it to pull it tight around your body for extra warmth, and breathing in the musk of the jacket that was Johns. You smiled at the thought of a Peaky boy taking care of you and thinking back to what Elisa said earlier. 

“John.” You said as you walked through an alley. 

“Yes?” He said looking over at you and making eye contact. Before you could say anything else, an overwhelming spark of confidence came over you leading you to push him up against the wall and attack his lips. Smelling his whiskey drenched breathe as his breathing got heavy from not being able to breath through the kisses. Taking your face in his large hands and roughly pushing the kiss deeper. Tongues intertwined with yours, bitting and sucking on his lip bottom lip. You just couldn’t control it. Was it because he was a Shelby. You never had such a strong man embrace you in the way he did. Lifting you off your feet and putting you up against the other building in the alley.

“John.” You said between the heated make out session. 

“What?” He said still going at your lips. 

“I don’t, remember where I live.” You said as he caressed and squeezed you ass that he held you up by. 

“That’s okay come on.” He said with one last kiss, setting you down and dragging you down the alley, causally stopping to kiss you again. Stopping at a beautiful building, that you honestly have never seen before. You didn’t really ever come over to this side of town because you were too nervous to go into peaky territory by yourself. John unlocking the door as quick as he could and grabbing you to come in. Throwing you up onto a table that apparently had a lot of glass on it hearing it crash down. 

“Shit.” You said, before John grabbed your face and started attacking your lips again. 

“Its fine. Who gives a fuck.” He said taking off his vest and throwing it across the room. Smiling through the kisses you kicked your heels off under neath John, and started to fumble with your dress trying to get it off. Getting flustered John took over just ripped the front of your dress straight down the middle making you gasp and look up at him with an upset expression. 

“I will buy you a new one. A better one.” He said with a giggle. Getting off the table with your now torn dress hanging off of you, you pushed John backwards towards the chair that sat behind him. He fell back into it slouched down into it, staring up at you through his eye lashes, very seductivly. You slipped your dress off letting it pool at your feet, leaving you in just your panties stood in front of John. Leaning down and grabbing the collar of his shirt and tearing down the from making all the buttons pop off. 

“I’ll buy you a new one. A better one.” You whispered to him with a giggle as you mocked him. An evil smile spreading across his face. Swiftly standing up and picking you up all in the same movement. 

Man was he fast, no wonder he was one of the most feared men by his enemies. 

He made his way up the stairs, and kicked open the door on the right it was pretty dark in the room except for the moon shining brightly thought the huge, tall windows. Throwing you on the bed and hovering over you like a lion about to attack a gazelle. Unbuckling his belt and kicking off his shoes. He pulled down his pants along with his boxers, releasing the very long, but thick beast he had hiding away. Your eyes becoming wide and thinking how you’re going to fit that inside of you. 

“Don’t worry love, I’ll be gentle.” He said with a wink and a beautiful smile. Grabbing him to fall down on top of you, but him catching himself gracefully with his hand on either side of you head. 

“Maybe I don’t want gentle. Maybe I want that Peaky boy everyone is so afraid of.” You said in hushed ton. He raised an eyebrow, and your saw the fire start in his eyes. Almost making you a little afraid, but excited. Sitting up and stretching out his very firm and wide shoulders. He quickly moved to you panties and pulled them off. Pushing you further up the bed all in one swift move, he was between your legs with his hands spreading them apart, making sure you couldn’t close them. 

“You sure you want this love?” He asked looking up at you from between you legs. You smiled and shook you head. With that he attacked you clit making you gasp loudly and taking the blanket you laid on top in your fists.

“Fuck.” You let out with the little breath you had in your lungs. As he dragged his perfect tongue up and down your very wet slit and coming back up to suck on you sensitive nub, with that making you feel your stomach into a knot. 

“John. Fuck. Fuck. Im going to cum.” You gasped out. As he sucked on your clit he came off of it making you cry out. 

“OH no no love. You want me to fuck you like the Peaky I am. Then you have to listen like the Peaky I am.” He said looking up at you. 

“No cumming till I say.” He said right before he attacked you clit again. Feeling his tongue slip inside of you, making it 10 times harder to hold on to your orgasm. 

“John. Please let me cum. Please” You cried out to him as you took his hair in your hand. He didn’t say a word just kept going. Moaning out so loud that half of small heath probably heard you. 

“Go ahead baby. Cum all ver my mouth.” He said as he grabbed ahold of your thighs so you couldn’t wiggle away. Attack at your clit again sending you over the edge almost immediatly. Feeling your legs shake but being held in place. 

“Fuck, John.” You said coming down off you orgasm. Feeling hands on your sides and then feeling lips attacking yours, tasting yourself on them. 

“I think I don’t want to be a Peaky boy to you. I just want to be John to you tonight.” He whispered to you. You smiled, grabbing his face between your hands and pulling him into a deeper kiss. Flipping him over onto his back and straddling him the tip of his cock brushing at your opening. He stared up at you for a second before reaching between you and rubbing his tip against you. 

“You ready love?” He asked looking into your eyes for confirmation. 

“Please.” You whined out wanting it more than anything in this moment. Slowly he slipped inside of you causing you to gasp out and lift up almost making him slip out, but not before he grabbed your hips. 

“Nu Uh, love. You can’t get away from me.” He said causing you to get drenched even more than you already were. Slowly sinking yourself down on him and adjusting to his girth. You were ready for him. Starting to bounce up and down on him, you could see him melting just a little bit. 

“Fuck Y/N you’re so tight. So wet.” He gasped out. He lifted you up and slamming you down on him, over and over again.

“John. Can I.. i.” 

“Cum baby. All over my cock.” He said out knowing what you wanted. With that you released and felt your insides pulsate around him, making your orgasm even more intense. You felt him start to get a little shakey, know what that meant. You leaned down and attacked his neck. Getting right in his sweet spot. 

“Cum Johnny. Cum inside of me Mr. Shelby.” You whispered to him. As you said it he grabbed ahold of your shoulder and pushed down on your lower back making himself go deeper inside of you, making you gasp out at how much of him was inside of you. Feeling his hot cum fill you up as he twitched inside of you slightly. He let out a labored breathe letting go of you to relax his arms and his body. 

“God damn love. Haven’t had sex like that in I don’t know how long.” He said laying his arms out on the bed. Rolling off of him and laying on the bed with your head on his arm. 

“Believe me, I didn’t even know what it was like to cum like that. Ever.” You laughed out. You sat up grabbing the sheet and wrapping it around yourself. 

“I should probably go.” You said looking down at John and his glistening body.

“Wait what?” He said sitting up. 

“I figured this was just a hit it and go type thing. I don’t want to stay where I’m not welcomed.” You said with a sad smirk and turning around, but feeling a hand catch yours and spin you around into an embrace. 

“If I didn’t want you to stay, I wouldn’t have brought you into my home.” He said looking around. You dropped the sheet that you had wrapped around you and stood on your tip toes to peck a kiss on his lips. He smiled as you pulled away and pulled you back into the bed wrapping his arms around you like you were the most precious diamond he’d ever had and slowly drifting to sleep in his arms.

[gimmethosedaddymilkers]

Cardinal Sins and Other Desires

Okay, I know I have other requests that were submitted first, but I this weekend is a writing weekend because I need to decompress my mind and I wanna do something fun

But this one was requested by @cantchoosejust1 who offered a very interesting idea of Arthur and reader having to disguise themselves as a priest and a nun....and have some...interesting times. 

I-

The idea is so juicy I had no choice but to do it. 

This is my take on it but of course @cantchoosejust1​ if it doesn’t match your expectations I’d love to take another stab at it!

It’s also probably gonna be a bit of a longer read, so strap in!

So

With that being said 

Warnings!: NSFW, Uhhh religious type things but it’s sexy so like....if that offends you don’t read, arthur being delicious, female reader 

Tags!: @mrsarthurmorgan7 @kieropal @photo1030 @pcotarelo @6kaja9

Alright, that being said, everyone, hold onto your butts, let’s get this horny train rolling!

“Dutch, this has got to be your dumbest idea yet.” 

Arthur scoffs as he looks down at the ridiculous looking outfit that Hosea and Dutch have managed to just barely squeeze him into, his arms raised out to his sides. 

A set of Priest’s robes that match the Nun outfit you’re wearing, and you can’t help but agree with him, you feel absolutely idiotic wearing the long black robe with it’s white accents and hood. 

The black robe Arthur dons is plain, matching black buttons, and something similar to a miniature poncho rests against his shoulders, that signature white collar sits around his neck, but if it’d been a single size smaller he’d be choking. 

“I have to agree.” You sigh and look down at yourself, and at the rosary beads that Hosea had placed in your hand. “This is a stupid idea. The two of us couldn’t pass off as religious figures, are you kidding me? I couldn’t quote a single thing from the Bible.” 

Arthur snorts in agreement and puts his arms down to his sides, looking up at his two father figures with a grimace on his face. 

It was early evening, and Shady Belle seems far more inviting than going out into Saint Denis, into a Church of all places too. 

“The two of you need to look on the logical side of this!” Dutch crosses his arms and stares at the two of you, his nostrils flaring in annoyance. “That Church has money in it, I know it does. We got a decent tip on it, and this is the best way to get in there and get it without causing a huge scene.”

“Why us though?” You can’t help but let the question slip out of your mouth.

It wasn’t that you didn’t like working with Arthur, quite the opposite actually. Arthur was fantastic to work with, he got the job done right, and he got it done quick, usually, if he could. He was precise, and he was good at what he did. 

The only problem between the two of you working is that you were often distracted watching him work. It was obnoxiously attractive to watch him reload his gun in the middle of a gun fight, his back against his wall and the calmest look on his face, sometimes annoyance, but never fear. It was one of the best things about him.

That was about the only thing that ever-caused problems working with him.

That and the fact that the two of you tended to get along a little too well if you’re left alone for too long. 

In both of your defenses the two of you have been together for nearly two years now, so it was only natural that it happened. 

But, your question, it was more directed at why the two of you for THIS specific job.

If anyone was suited for this kind of job it was Mary-Beth, Karen, maybe even Hosea himself, but Arthur? You? 

Arthur wasn’t exactly known for his play acting, or for his subtly.

“Because, the two of you are the best we have, you’ll get the job done, and the two of you are the only ones without jobs set up right now.” Hosea chimes in and quietly he walks towards Arthur, adjusting a part of his costume. “You’ll know what to do.” 

“Arthur’s not exactly...” You swallow, trying to think of a nice way to say what you needed to. “He’s not really the stealthy type.” You finish.

“That’s why you’re going with him.” Hosea huffs. “We were told that there’s a stash of money in the basement of the church, as long as you and him can get there and get it that’s all that matters, if he goes to step out of line then you can step in and steer the situation right.” 

“Don’t I get a say in all this?” 

“No Arthur, you don’t.” 

“So why not just send me in by myself?” You furrow your brow and cross your own arms now. 

“Because you can’t pass as ‘Father Morgan’.” Dutch snorts. 

“Ugh....’Father Morgan’.” Arthur shakes his head and looks towards the road leading out of camp, his horse and yours stand next to each other, grazing at the grass nearby. 

“Come on you two! It’ll be fun, go out for drinks afterwards! Our treat!” Dutch moves closer to the younger man and claps his shoulder with a hand, shaking Arthur slightly with a huge smile on his face. “It’s just one job, I promise, no more outfits for you for a while after this one Arthur.” 

Arthur sighs and rolls his eyes, but swallows and nods before taking a step towards the horses. 

“C’mon Darlin’ let’s get this done with.” 

You roll your eyes as well but follow behind offering a bit of a timid wave to the two older outlaws, moving quickly to keep up with Arthur, who even in his new outfit seems to move much faster than you could. 

“This is ridiculous,” Arthur looks over his shoulder at you as the two of you reach your horses. “Look at this, look at me, I look stupid.”

You chuckle and smack his shoulder with the back of your hand as you mount up.

“You aren’t the only one Arthur, I look stupid in this get up too.” 

“Not as stupid as me, I’m surprised this damn thing hasn’t ripped yet,” He sighs and mounts his own horse, struggling slightly with the tightness around his arms. “They couldn’t find anything bigger than this?” 

“Apparently not,” You nod towards the road leading out. “Let’s get going cowboy, the sooner we get this done the sooner we can get out of these things.” 

“You’re right, I know.” 

He offers another sigh, but then turns to lead the two of you out of camp, setting off at a decent pace.

............

You lean your head against the side of Arthur’s bicep as the two of you lean around a wall, staring at the Church placed in a rather unfortunate location for the two of you.

It’s situated in nearly the center of attention, it’s not in an area that’s exactly easy for the two of you to sneak into it, the only way to go about it was to walk in with confidence that your disguises would work. ‘Stealth’ in the traditional sense wasn’t an option for the two of you two.

“Alright, so...” Arthur adjusts himself, standing a little straighter. “I guess we just walk in?” 

“I guess, try to seem Pious, straighten your back, look confident for once Arthur.” 

“Hey, I’m confident-” 

“Yeah when you’re drunk and when you’re robbing, just....Imagine you’re....”

You stop and huff, turning to face him as he stands against the wall of the building the two of you have hidden yourselves behind. 

“Play Dutch.” You finish.

“Play Dutch?” 

“You know, be....fuck Arthur just be obnoxious. Everything you do, pretend it was planned out, if you’re confident about it they won’t question a single thing.” 

“You think Dutch is obnoxious?” Arthur makes a sound that borders between a snort and a full laugh as he looks at you.

“Of course I do, but that’s not important right now.” You look back towards the church. “Just...Like I said be confident.” You reach up and gently move a lock of his hair behind his ear, it’s not too long, not enough seem out of place, but he definitely should have gotten it trimmed. 

“I know, it’s a mess.” He huffs and reaches up, covering your hand with his own. “Didn’t get the chance to stop and cut it with everythin’ goin’ on in camp. It’s gettin’ too long.” 

“Just keep it out of your face, you did good with your stubble, looks clean.” 

“Good, now, gimme a kiss before we do this.” 

You can’t help but smile at him, and offer him a quick kiss, which he makes longer as one of his hands grips your waist tightly when your lips make contact with his. 

He has a habit of deepening those kisses that you mean to be quick pecks, little messages of love that turn into something far more...promiscuous. 

You finally manage to pry yourself away from him, suppressing a laugh. 

“Arthur, come on, we’re gonna get caught, now go, I’ll follow.” 

“Alright, alright-” He starts to move away from you, but you grab his robe sleeve quickly.

“Sorry, don’t forget this.” 

You thrust a bible into his hand, and then give him a slight push. 

“Confidence Arthur!” 

“Alright, I got it, I got it, jus’ come on, you gotta come with me anyhow.” 

You wipe your hands on the front of your robes, feeling the palms of your hands get sweaty.

You stand a little straighter and follow after him as the two of you walk towards the church, trying to control the sudden set of nerves that have overcome your body. 

It’s late, the sun had set on the way into Saint Denis, in theory there shouldn’t be anyone in the church, or at least there shouldn’t be too many people in there. 

It was the middle of the week, there wasn’t a Sunday Service. 

Hopefully things would be easy for the two of you, as long as you could keep the charade up.

Nearing the church you could see two nuns talking to one another outside the front door, arms held in front of themselves, one hand over the other, and you quickly mimic the posture as the two of you continue. 

Luckily as you pass the two of them they do nothing but nod and smile at the two of you, which each of you return. 

As you pass through the doors you lean a little closer to Arthur, keeping your voice quiet.

“You’re doing great Arthur.” 

“I ain’t done anythin’ yet, that’s why.” 

You shake your head and swallow back the remark you want to say as you look down at the rosary in your hand. 

“Just look around, where’s the stairs to the basement in this place?”

“Don’t know, I ain’t ever been in here, I avoid the city and most religious places like the plague,” he whispers. “I’m surprised I ain’t burned up in flames yet.” 

You elbow him as subtly as you can.

“Shut up, if anything the both of us would be in flames by now if that myth was true.”

“Mhm...Awful crime, that premarital sex.”

“Arthur, I think it’s several other crimes that would cause us problems before that one.” 

“I guess you’re right, probably all the murder and robbin’.” 

“You think?” 

He offers a quiet chuckle, one of your favorite sounds, low and breathy, short and sweet. It’s cut off quickly as he looks to the left, seeing a door off to the side of the main room, away from the pews and podium.

“You think that leads down?”

“Don’t know, we’ll have to take a look.” You sigh and look around the room, it seems completely empty, at least from what you can see. “Let’s be quick about it.” 

“Right.” 

He leads you off towards the door, and as you reach it he opens it up, only to reveal a small closet that’s nearly empty, despite a broom in the corner and a few extra bibles on the top shelf.

“Damn, not it... We should look-” 

“Get in the closet!” 

“What the hell are you talkin’ about?” 

Your body is sparking with a sudden rush of anxiety, a sound from your right had sent it through you within a matter of seconds. Voices, is what it sounded like to you, quiet, but there.

“Just get in!” You shove him into the closet and follow after, closing the door in front of you.

The two of you are shrouded in darkness easily, and your body brushes against him, your back to his chest, and you listen as he grunts after hitting his head on the shelf.

“Jesus Y/N, the hell are you doin’?” He’s whispering, but there’s a familiar anger in his voice, well, perhaps its more annoyance.

“I’m sorry I panicked! I heard voices over by the pews...” 

“Well we’re dressed like this for a reason-” 

“We can’t get out of here now, they’ll wonder why we were crammed in here together.” 

“What, you’re sayin’ Priests don’t get freaky now and then?” 

“Arthur you know they don’t.” 

“It was sarcasm darlin’.” 

You take a shaky breath and Arthur’s arm snakes around your waist and he pulls you flush against his body.

“It’s alright Darlin’, we’re fine. What’s goin’ on with you tonight?” 

“I don’t know...something about a church, I feel like getting caught here is worse than getting caught in a bank.” You mumble.

“What, all that higher power nonsense?” 

“I don’t know, society does not take likely to thieves of the church.” 

“Darlin’ society don’t take a likin’ to any thieves I’m afraid.” 

You chuckle quietly and lean against him.

“You always know what to say, you know that?” 

“Mhm...I try...Now...you think you can take a peek out there, see if they’re gone?” 

You take a breath and do as he suggests, opening the door quietly and slowly, peeking your head out just barely. 

You listen, hardly moving, hardly breathing, until you realize you no longer hear anyone speaking.

“I think we’re good.” 

You step out of the closet and Arthur follows suit, and that’s when you see another door.

It’s straight across from the one that you just exited, and without another word to Arthur you head towards it, and pull it open, a feeling of relief flooding over you as you see stairs heading downwards.

“Good Girl...” Arthur’s voice is nearly a growl in your ear as he leans over your shoulder, he knows how that gets to you, he does, but in this instance you’re fairly certain he’s done it unintentionally.

He’s got a habit of making things attractive when he doesn’t mean to.

“Thanks Father.” 

“Don’t say that.” 

“Would you prefer Daddy?” 

“Not unless you wanna cause more problems for yourself Darlin’.” 

You chuckle and begin to head down the stairs, Arthur following you and closing the door quietly behind him.

The basement is dark, and almost damp feeling, you can’t see a damn thing and Arthur doesn’t have his trusty lantern with him.

“Well now what?” 

Arthur’s breath comes out warm against your shoulder and an arm wraps around your waist. 

“I don’t know, let me think.” He mutters. “I got my matches in my pocket.” 

“Your robes have pockets?”

“Course, yours don’t?” 

“No, it’s a fucking dress, so is yours I didn’t figure you’d have pockets.” 

“Please don’t refer to it as a dress, you’re ruinin’ my masculine reputation.” 

You roll your eyes but your hand finds its way to his thighs, patting along the robe in an attempt to find said matches

Of course he has matches on him, he can’t go more than an hour or two without a smoke. 

“Mhmm...careful, you’re gonna hit somethin’ else while you’re down there.” 

“Why the hell are you so horny right now, I’m not even wearing anything revealing-”

“Maybe I’ve been possessed, need some holy water...” 

“Arthur please, can we find the money?” 

“I’m sure we can, but I’m sure I’d be a lot more focused after...”

“Are you serious right now?” 

“Yeah, serious as a heart attack Sugar. Somethin’ about this place...somethin’ about that....the...shit...the idea of somethin’ like that in a place like this, a church...” He lowers his voice. “In public.....it’s doin’ somethin’ to me.” 

You know he means it, you can feel his hardness against your rear, you’ve been able to feel it since the closet, you just refused to say anything.

The basement seemed like the safest place, if you were going to do this.

Not only that but Arthur wasn’t the only one who had this sort of feeling.

The idea of being caught...It was exhilarating, and the idea of being dressed as a nun, yet committing such lewd acts...

You swallow, and grip the rosary in your fist fairly tightly.

“Possessed by the devil, not a demon.” You mutter.

“Maybe you should exorcise me....you are a nun after all.” 

You turn, and your eyes are finally adjusting to the darkness, you can see the look on Arthur’s face, the haze of red beginning to cover his cheeks.

“Maybe we need to fuck it out of you.” 

“Seems like it’s what he wants...” Arthur murmurs and his hands reach for your waist, and that’s when you catch him.

The rosary slips around his wrists easily, it’s a long beaded string with a cross on the end, longer than it needs to be, but long enough it works perfectly.

You know he can break out of this makeshift bondage easily, but he won’t, at least not on purpose.

He watches, his eyes hungry as you wrap the rosary around his wrists as many times as you can. 

“That’s new.” He snorts. 

“Maybe that demon will be more willing to leave with a cross on him...”

You have no idea what’s convinced you to slip fully into this sort of romanticized sort of scenario. You know he isn’t possessed, you don’t even believe in that kind of stuff, but....the idea that the only way to expel that ‘demon’ is to fuck it out of him...

It’s doing something to you. 

Luckily Arthur can catch on easily, and he follows your lead.

“Well, what the hell are you waitin’ for, you gonna fuck this demon, or are you gonna leave me tied?” 

Quietly, you step forwards, and unbutton the lower buttons of his robe, following after that his union suit which even in the dark you can see the outline of his dick pressed against his thigh.

His cock springs out the moment you get it unbuttoned, and without much of a thought you lick the tip of it, listening as Arthur sucks in through his teeth.

From there you move to the base of him, and lick along his shaft, moving towards the tip before taking him into your mouth fully, and that lovely voice of his comes tumbling out of his mouth in a groan.

He rests his tied hands against the back of your head, gently pushing his wrists against it in an attempt to partially guide you, gripping, or at least attempting to grip, at the hood of your robe.

“Fuck....I didn’t....shit I didn’t realize I was that...sensitive...right now.” He breathes out.

You hum against his skin as you bob your head, and again he lets a groan out.

You don’t do this long, and his dick comes out of your mouth with a satisfying pop.

“Nah, that....that ain’t fair-” 

“I said we’re gonna fuck it out of you Arthur, me sucking you off isn’t exactly a fucking.” 

He’s silent at your remark and watches in the dim light as you shuffle and manage to get your undergarments off.

He watches as you kick them to the side and then motion for him to near you.

He follows orders, the opposite of his usual dominating demeanor, but that’s going to change soon.

You simply turn around and face the wall nearest to you, placing your hands against it, and then arching your back out towards him.

“Oh....shit.” 

Arthur swallows, and it’s only a moment before his mind seems to be taken over.

His hands are still tied, but thanks to your earlier endeavor his dick is exposed, and all you have to do is pull up your skirt.

His arms come over your neck, his hands still confined, now settled against your collar bone as he manages to get his cock lined up with your slick.

He pushes into you roughly, enough to make you cry out, and from there he’s unable to move slowly.

His hips snap against yours, deeply, roughly, needily.

“Jesus Christ...” He huffs.

“He ain’t doing...much to help...you right now.” You manage to get out as your cheek rests against the wall, your body moving in tandem with Arthur’s, back and forth, your breasts grazing the wall.

“No...he ain’t....fuck....you sure you ain’t the devil?” 

You twitch your hips, moving against Arthur in an attempt to get a deeper angle.

“Maybe...” Your face is hot, your neck too.

You listen to the sounds he makes, each little grunt or groan pushing you forwards.

“This ain’t very....fuck....this ain’t very holy of you.” 

“Sometimes....you need different....solutions..” 

There’s a noise the sounds from upstairs, and suddenly Arthur’s hands are pressed against your mouth as he continues to rut into you. 

“Shhh....quiet Sugar...you don’t want us to be caught do you?” He whispers.

His thrusts get harder, and you bite down on his hand, the area you can get to, you think it’s the side of his thumb, doing your best not to hurt him, but it’s the only thing you can do to stop the moan building in your throat.

You love it when he’s rough with you, and this position, these clothes, getting caught now would only make things hotter.

You know exactly how Arthur would react, and a part of you hopes that someone will, but you know it’s for the best if they don’t.

“Fuck....’demons’....jesus...fuck...” Arthur’s attempt at another suave sentence fails as his hips smack yours again and again.

You lick his hand, leaving hot breath against his skin, and listen to him do his best to suppress a sound that rises to his throat.

“You tryna get us caught? For a Nun...you’re kinda....a slut...” He huffs out. 

“Yours Father Morgan...” The words are uttered against the side of his hand in a whisper, but he hears it and he swallows, trying again to keep his voice from raising.

“Please....Harder...” 

“Christ Woman, maybe you are possessed.” 

“Harder...” You plea again, pushing your hips back against his, roughly hoping he takes the hint, which you’re lucky and he does.

“You know....I...fuck...I could finish you...if I had my hands....” 

You offer a grunt in response and watch as he pulls his wrists apart and the beads scatter around the room, pinging against the floor in every direction.

His hands fly to their places almost like it’s instinct.

One against your throat and the other to your clit.

He circles it, matching up his speed with the thrusts against your ass.

“You thought you could keep me like that, but sorry Darlin’...I just couldn’t do it any longer.” 

His voice is breathy, and he leans forwards, kissing your neck, listening to the sounds that escape your mouth,.

He only stops when the sound of the basement door comes. 

He’s quick to move, his cock still buried inside you as he pulls you around the side of a wall.

No one would see you there, not unless they walked around.

He places a palm against your mouth and he leans his back against the wall, only to thrust upwards into you, slowly, making sure his body and yours wouldn’t make a sound.

“Someone down here? The church is closed for the night I’m afraid!” 

Arthur moves slowly, his hips still gently rocking against yours, it’s nearly torture, and you want to beg him to move faster, but to quell it you bite his palm, just as you’d done earlier.

“Hello? Anyone?” 

His dick pulls out gently, and he has to do his best to keep a groan in his throat.

“Must be hearing things.” 

The two of you listen as the person heads back up the stairs and the door closes.

You let out a deep breath and as soon as you do Arthur’s pace picks up.

He’s fast, thrusting into you with a speed that seems like he’ll die without feeling you clench against him.

His hand comes back to your neck and the other back to your clit.

He’s persistent, and after a moment you know why.

His hips begin to get erratic, the rhythm and speed are off, and his breathing against your neck gets hotter, they turn from deep breaths into panting.

“Sugar....you nearly there? Princess...I’m....soon.” 

You can’t do anything but nod, leaning your head against his shoulder as he keeps you moving.

The hand around your throat moves to cup your breast, squeezing it through the cloth.

“Love the way these bounce...” He mutters. “Even clothed it’s a sight...” 

“Arthur,” You close your eyes, your arm moving to come around his neck, the other slapped against the wall.

“Mhm....you’re almost there, I can hear it in your....fuck...in your voice.” 

It’s a few more of these hard fast thrusts and then suddenly there’s a warmth that fills you and you yourself come apart as Arthur’s fingers continue to circle your clit.

Arthur groans in your ear and puts his forehead against your shoulder, breathing deeply, trying to catch his breath.

You’re silent for a moment.

“You broke my rosary.” 

“Oh, like you were ever gonna use it after this.” 

“Maybe on you, back, back I say, may the power of Christ compel you-”

“Oh, you need more than Christ to compel me Darlin’.” 

You chuckle and the two of you manage to get untangled, not before Arthur whispers in your ear about the mess he’s made.

“Gonna have me all over you, hidin’ under that outfit of yours....you ain’t exactly the Virgin Mary are you...”

“Shut up Arthur, the ‘demon’ is supposed to be gone, let’s find that damn money and get out of here, I’ll let you do whatever you want with me when we get back to camp.”

“Good, not like you were gonna stop me anyhow.” 

[twola]

What do you think the differences are when it comes to relationships and sex with arthur and john?

Really depends on where in the timeline you're thinking. Though I would imagine pretty similar - I hc that Arthur in his younger days (pre-Mary) was a bit wild and a bit stupid. Much like John probably was with Abigail in the beginning. Probably less concerned with relationships and much more concerned with getting laid.

Arthur's change came from the double whammy of getting his heart broken by Mary AND knocking Eliza up, only to lose his son to a robbery a few years later.

John's change came when he almost lost Jack. When Jack was taken by Bronte, we see him grow up from denying Jack's parentage to bringing Abigail and Jack into his room, as a 'family'. That and his time away in Sisika really matured him as far as his relationship with both Jack and Abigail.

I am definitely a John/Abigail stan - in my head, he's always loved/wanted her, deep down, even when he's pushed her away for years when Jack was very young.

So yeah - depends on when you're looking at. The older these two are, the more devoted in relationships they are, in my opinion. And that translates to sexy time too. I think both of them are givers, but only after they've matured.

For the girls at least? Emotionally tortured cowboys probably make better lovers.

[anonymous-dentist]

For the life of me I’ll never be able to understand why Liz, paranormal expert and Smart Person, decided to fight the Spooky Mind Control Goo Monsters and Stuff with a pair of extremely short range weapons

Like?

Thiago? It tracks. He’s chilling. It’s not optimal, but he walked into the Holy Cradle with death flags up his ass and sticking out of his big stupid mouth /affectionate

Arthur? Yes, it’s short range, but it’s also a big fuck off hammer, and this dude’s got plot armor And a distinct lack of knowledge about the Spooky Evil Mind Control Goo. He’s allowed to be a little silly and choose the sexiest weapon for him

Joui? When has he made a smart decision ever. But a katana is made for speed, and he’s been at 1/3 sanity since like episode two. He is NOT making good decisions, he is being Cool, and it is working!

Cesar? 10/10, no notes so far. Long range and practical- you’ll find rocks everywhere! They should’ve gotten him a glass to throw, too. He’s biblical. This shit killed Goliath, and it’s gonna kill the Goo God eventually

And then there’s Liz with two of the least practical weapons I’ve ever seen in a campaign. They’re cool, but they’re also easily the worst out of this bunch. I get that they’re supposed to be like her knife, but like. How do you even carry those? And do you really want to be literal inches away from the Evil Goo Monster?? At least the swords have a foot of leeway, and the hammer smashes and doesn’t cut so there’s less of a chance of bleeding/gooing. But the sexy scythes are just. ????????????

[the-pen-pot]

Fangirling for chapter 33 (yes, that does sound better then 'notes for' 🤣)

He and Arthur lay facing each other, curled together like a pair of brackets, knees knocking and heads bent. It was intimate and comfortable, as if every boundary had been shorn away. Despite all the grief and tragedy, trust and faith remained: absolute. It was in moments such as this that it seemed to burn the brightest.

He did not know at what point in the night they had reached for each other, but now Arthur's fingers tucked themselves under the cuff of Merlin's tunic sleeve, resting against his skin.

STOP IT! Oh my god, Arthur! STOP IT, you are too cute!

The cord of the scar lay beneath his fingertips like a guitar string over a fret board, and Merlin realised that Arthur was not as lost to his dreams as he had assumed. The subtle shift of his touch gave him away, mapping out the line in a gentle caress. He could just make out the gleam of his eyes, half-obscured by the sandy sweep of his lashes.

'Did you sleep?' he whispered, his words nothing but a breath between them.

Arthur flinched, retreating a fraction before returning anew, stronger and, to Merlin's mind, a bit defiant, as if daring him to pull away. 'Yes. I've not been awake long. I didn't mean to disturb you.'

'You didn't,' Merlin promised, turning his head to cover a jaw-popping yawn in the curve of his own arm. 'I woke up on my own.'

OMG! STOP IT! I can't take the softness and cuteness and care. God, they are so precious!😍😍😍😍😍

'You did it to yourself.'

The blankets whispered as Arthur reached out, capturing Merlin's other wrist. It could have felt like a restraint, a way to stop him retreating from the conversation, but it didn't. Instead, it was as if Arthur was trying to reassure himself that Merlin was real, and not some vaporous figment about to vanish and leave him alone once more. SAD FACE

The sudden rustle of the blankets stirred the air, and Merlin didn't have time to do more than blink before Arthur hauled him closer. One arm wriggled beneath him and the other curved over his waist, holding him tight.

I am still so surprised when Arthur is the one reaching out like this. I don't know why, I guess I think he's the more reserved one of the two of them?

'Maybe I shouldn't have said anything.'

Arthur's hand tightened over the back of his neck, pressing certainty into his skin. 'Don't be stupid,' he chided, sniffing once and blinking sharply. 'I just wish you didn't have to go through it all alone – that I could have stopped it, somehow.'

'It wasn't even your world,' Merlin pointed out.

'Maybe not, but it was my friend suffering, and I wasn't there to help.'

He's perfect, isn't he?!😍😍😍😍

'Leave,' he ordered, taking some small pleasure in watching her go pale at the tone of his voice. 'Tell Aglain we will meet him at the main fire once Mordred is settled and cared for. Send out your scouts, and do not test my patience with your presence again.'

Oh wow, Merlin in charge is damn sexy!

One of my fave chapters! It was emotionally intense to wrote but I loved giving them this moment. It felt like a turning point in their dynamic.

Thank you forecourt conmebt, lovely!