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#suddenly thats someone just like me you know?
gn4bnahc · 3 days
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Mask Girl 🎭
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Pairing: Classmate!Jeongin x Fem!Reader
Genre: Fluff, strangers to lovers
Part 1 | Part 2
Masterlist
This is just fiction!
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When you were a kid, people would always make comments about your looks, your parents, your siblings, even your friends would make jokes about you not knowing that it hurts your feelings, that’s why you changed schools. You weren’t exactly ugly, you were just getting compared to people a lot.
When pandemic happened, you were grateful that face masks became relevant, but even when it ended already you would still wear it.
Whenever you eat, you take off your mask, but cover it with your hand, then when you finally take a bite of your food, you would quickly put your mask on.
People noticed that you always have your mask on, other people still wears it too, but they would also take it off, but you, you wouldn’t take your mask off.
Whenever someone was sitting beside you or infront of you, you don’t eat. Sometimes, you would go to the bathroom, eat your lunch there.
You went inside the classroom, you see everyone talking to eachother, whispering in others ear, you overheard someone, they said that there will be a new student that will be arriving today.
The teacher came in with the new student, “Hello, I am Jeongin, you can call me I.N. or Innie”, he says while smiling widely, making other girls instantly fall inlove with him.
“Hes really handsome, I hipe he doesn’t sit beside me though”, you thinked to yourself. There was only two empty seats in class, one beside you and one beside your other classmate. “Ok, Jeongin you go to an empty seat first mkay”, the teacher says as he looks around. He goes towards the empty seat beside you, you instantly knew he was gonna be sitting beaide you, you sigh in defeat, “Hey”, he says smiling sweetly at you, “Hey um…”, “Is it okay if I sit here?”, you nod while hes smiles at you.
Jeongin Pov
I look around, deciding where I want to sit, I see my classmate and his friends inviting me to sit with them, I take a seat. I smile at them, they talk to me for a couple of minutes, I see the girl with a face mask, sitting alone, “Do you guys know what that girls name right there?”, I ask curiously while pointing at her. “Oh that girl? thats Y/n, that girl is weird asf, she never takes off her mask, thats why people would call her ‘Mask Girl’ I bet shes ugly asf”, my classmate says as the bell rings.
It was Art class, he was in the same class as you. “All of you will get a partner, you guys will be making a poster”, the teacher says.
The teacher announces the pairs, “Jeongin and Y/n, you two will be partners”, the teacher says as Jeongin looks at you, smiling.
He comes up to you, “Hey uhh wanna do the project in my house after school?”, “Yeah sure uhh, heres my number, send me your location”, you say as he takes your phone.
Class ended, you were walking when suddenly someone’s grabs your hand, you look back, it was Jeongin. “You left your notebook”, he says as you grab your notebook and nod and try to walk away, but he was still holding your hand, “i’ll walk you home”, “huh?”, “I’m bored, so yeah…”, he says as he drags you towards the corn dog stand, “Two corn dogs please”, “Oh no no no, I don’t have money with me right now”, “It’s ok i’ll pay”, “No, please…”, “I insist”, he says as you worry, knowing you would have to take your mask off. ��Here”, he says as you take the corn dog, you both walk together, “Why aren’t you eating? It’s because of all the stuff your carrying isnt it? Come on ill help you with that”, he takes the other bags you were holding, “Im full”, “Come on class was like 3 hours straight, I know you’re hungry”, he says as he takes a bite of the corn dog, “okay…”, you take your mask off, you cover your mouth with your hands, “Hey… it’s okay… I won’t look, mkay?”, “thank you”, you say as you look down and he tries to avoid looking at you, “Im sorry, you must think I’m really weird”, “No you’re not, there’s nothing wrong with not being comfortable with showing your whole face”, he says as you smile, “Thank you for understanding”
Both of you arrive at your house, “take a rest first then come over my house, mkay?”, he says as you nod and he slowly walks away, “Wait”, you grab his hand, you take his hand, you pit a cat phone charm, “Here you go, I made it myself, thank you for buying me that corn dog”, you say, he knew you were smiling because of your eye’s squinting a bit, “cute”, he says quietly, “What was that?”, “Nothing, thanks for this”, he says as he waves goodbye.
You arrived at his house, you knock on his door, you suddenly realize you forgot your face mask, you rushed to much you forgot your mask, you tried to walk away, but it was to late, he opened the door, you both stare at eachother, you quickly cover your mouth. “Oh no no no no no”, you thinked to yourself.
Jeongin Pov
I opened the door, I saw her and stared at her, there she was, without a face mask, it’s like the world slowed down, the way her hair moved as the wind blows, her blinking awkwardly, her eyebrows raised up, her mouth slightly opened, it’s like i’ve seen a goddess. All I could say was, “Damn”.
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I finally had the motivation to write, tell me if you wanna be tagged in part 2 :)
Imma delete it if it flops (Please daaauuurn’t)
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sideblogdotjpeg · 2 days
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feeling like. ep 60 was such a fantastic arc finale battle ep. and auugh. like so many things. LIKE .
the slow build up of tension over the ep felt really good and perfect, as it escalates from alexandrite being silly and goofy to. gargantuan cyberflesh horror. and how the dice were UNCANNILY perfect for it all. like. the nat 1 vs nat 20 roll for the town and suddenly the entire mood shifts and the stakes are so much realer, and personal. followed up by the nat 20 for the town! followed up by TWO callie crits and her dealing 130 DAMAGE like each turn!!!! like!!!!! AUGH... the. just the beats of it all was soo good and.
tying to that .. the character moments for this ep were so good !!! every character got their moment to shine in the battle. already discussed callie absolutely whomping fucking ass, but of course the smaller moments as well. offering to go and defend calders town. seeing the faewild sky and "i think i needed to leave to become worthy of it" - like and as the culmination of callies arc. from someone who was so scared and running away to. staying, standing, fighting, protecting. AND ITS GOOD.
then of course theres calder. i mean also the . ARC. of the only thing he wanted was not to be overprotected. wanting to be useful - like his brothers, people who had strength and value in the eyes of their people, big enough to defend their town. and he has come all the way here. he changes the tides of the battlefield in the town - and he does it with the attachments of his friends and the love of his family. and like... god. really crystalising his ethos in a way that is foiled so well against gowan. gowan who was too proud to ask for help. vs "i cant do it without you" "but damn does it feel good when your friends have your back" ... !!!! AYYEARGH. like. hes becoming the protector of his home! but maybe now, his home is so much bigger than the ice knife, and hes not fighting alone .... YOU KNOW.
AND SOL!!!!! sol to my knowledge only deals 30 damage this battle but. as a resident sol enjoyer i !!! am VERY MUCH CLAPPING AND CHEERING!! at the deeply supportive role he took on for this fight. like hes the first to get the ice knife away from alexandrite, he gives callie an extra smite, silvery barbs.... ! like the short rest realisation of how different the battle wouldve gone without that silvery barbs is .... ! SO ITS GOOD. and at the end that he was the one to get the final blow on alexandrite and it was for swag is ...
and! that part was obviously a joke! as is the entire "keep em guessing haha alexandrite cant predict what were doing!!!" thing. HOWEVER. relistening to the ezry arc, and their first interaction w alexandrite as we now know her ... i just. REALLY feel like this is the spiritual successor to "were duck team and were messy and were friends and we do everything together and we absolutely suck shit all day long and all night baby". theyre so fucking stupid is the thing. and theyre messy and stupid and constantly saying things that are weird and make no sense and completely and utterly baffling .... and thats DUCK TEAM!!! (theres also a point here where im overreading somewhat. but the part about Keepin em Guessin... one could POSSIBLY argue it interacts in a MAYBE DEEPLY INTERESTIGN WAY with . the idea of the calculated certainty of the AI, the calm and cold prediction of the diviners, and the wild freedom of the peregrines. idk!!! maybe!!! maybe you cld even say that what lies at the heart of duck team is their messiness and outofplaceness and love and care and refusal of the tragedy!!! even!! maybe!! but YEAH. lol random XD ! keep em guessin!)
also the thing that made me write all this which is like. ! the final victory lap scene is just. so wonderfully cathartic, esp with how tense this entire arc has been. its just. fuck yeah we won and all our friends and family are here and safe and riding on mammoths!!! i mean. FUCKING ALBINS BACK!!!! GREGORS HERE AND KICKIN ASS!!! THE MA GOBLIN BRIGADE!!! A WIN. and ... that bit of callie just sitting on the roof playing a guitar as she stares into the fae wild sky is ... its good.. its good..
and all that is maybe. half the reasons why ep 60 is so good. i didnt even get around to talking about the fucking EMILY AXFORD SONG WHICH IVE BEEN PLAYING NONSTOP ALL DAY SO. yeah. so i like this ep i guess
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stevie-petey · 2 days
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I have blurb idea for the kids in season one when you have time for it. In season one after bug left with Nancy and Jonathan the kids debriefing on what they just saw. Which is basically just the kids gossiping about what they think is going on between the three. Like Mike asked Nancy if she liked Jonathan now so clearly he saw something going on ya know?
anon i LOVE this one its always so fun writing the kids gossiping about the teens <333
enjoy !
"whats going on with your sister and jonathan, man?" lucas asks your brother as they watch you run out of the schools gym after jonathan and nancy.
dustin sighs and rests his head against the bleachers. "i dont know. theyve been weird all week."
"i think it has something to do with my sister?" mike joins in on the conversation now. "i asked nancy if she liked jonathan and then she got all weird."
"why would she like him if shes with harrington and y/n is with jonathan?" lucas frowns now, feeling suddenly defensive over you. "do we need to do something?"
mike hits his friend with the back of his head. "no, doofus. y/n doesnt need you to fight for her weird honor."
"well, i mean, maybe she does-"
dustin slaps a hand over lucas' mouth with a disgusted look on his face. "dude. your crush on my sister is showing and its gross."
lucas yanks dustins hand away and shrieks. "i do not have a crush on y/n!"
mike and dustin share a look with one another as el, who has been quiet this entire conversation as she rests, lets out a weak giggle. during her few days observing you with the party, its obvious even to her that lucas has a slight crush on you.
seeing everyones disbelief, lucas throws his hands up in the air and groans. "look, this isnt about me! clearly theres something wrong between jonathan and y/n, and if theyre fighting then that means we wont be able to get free rides out of them anymore."
"why wouldnt we get free rides if theyre fighting?" dustin asks, furrowing his brows in confusion.
"because jonathan has his own car and we'd be taking y/n's side," mike says as if it's the most obvious thing in the world with an eye roll. "duh."
your brother feels a certain happiness at the knowledge that his friends would take your side against jonathans. and, even though will isnt here right now, they all know that he would also ditch his brother in a heartbeat for you.
all the kids would.
youre a part of the party.
the boys eat the cookies that you made for them in silence for a while as they think about the strangeness between you and jonathan tonight. while theyre more than willing to defend you and take your side, they cant help but be worried about it.
theyve never seen you and jonathan so off kilter before, and it frightens them to even consider the idea that the connection between you two could be severed.
"theyll be okay, right?" lucas finally voices the worries that they all have quietly sat with.
dustin sighs, also unsure himself. hes grown up watching the two of you become intertwined with one another. now, he watches as you slowly unravel, and hes not sure how it will end. "its y/n and jonathan we're talking about. of course theyll be okay... they-they have to be okay."
"well thats depressing." mike says with yet another eye roll. "why cant we just keep y/n and replace jonathan with someone else?"
"careful, mike." lucas leans in close to the boy now and puckers his lips and makes kissing noises. "nancy could replace harrington with jonathan."
"yuck!" mike shoves his friend away and looks towards dustin for help. "that wont happen, right?"
dustin frowns. for once, he really isnt sure. he saw nancy and jonathan earlier, how they almost left you behind tonight, and he saw the hurt in your eyes when you watched them together. theres feelings there between the three of you, and dustin is afraid for you. its obvious to everyone how much you adore jonathan; your entire world revolves around the guy.
with a sigh, dustin shakes his head. "no idea, man. i dont understand teenagers."
"no one does." lucas rests his head in his hand and chews sadly on his cookie. then, with poorly hidden curiosity, he asks, "my crush on y/n isnt that obvious, right? like, she has no idea?"
mike and dustin again share a look and shake their heads at their friend while el lifts her head up. with all the energy she has left in her, she responds to lucas. "friends dont lie."
lucas covers his face in embarrassment and groans as mike, el, and dustin all break into laughter.
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wildpeachfarm · 1 day
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Hi Moku!
What does one do after taking a fat nap and waking up disoriented? They scroll your blog of course and keep up with the daily news! (And random absolutely serious discussions of underwear 😭).
I saw some mention of CCs moving weirdly again about the Dteam, and teaming with Sapnap for an event, and I’d just like to add my thoughts on the matter.
I feel like this is a common occurrence in the four years I’ve been a fan and part of this fandom. The process literally goes like this:
someone from Dteam (usually dream) gets called out for something, Twitter freaks out and reacts before the “cancelled” party can respond/apologize, upcoming projects are pushed back months/years depending on severity of “cancelation”, unrelated CCs speak out against “cancelled” party (usually Dream), project release is finally approaching and hype is being created, fans and CCs alike suddenly like Dteam again. And then it gets rinsed and repeated till it’s sucked dry.
Only difference in this case was it was George being called out and Dream sticking by his boy, rather than Dream being called out and Sapnap defending him. And it just becomes increasingly more obvious how performative all these CCs and their fans are, the more this cycle rears its big, ugly head.
I think the difference in this situation as opposed to others is that Dteams own friends (if you can even call them that) spoke out against George, and that showed their fans that George is absolutely despicable and irredeemable, making Dream also the same by proxy.
And with this knowledge I raise this question. Why was this situation the one that did it for them? Dream has been accused of everything under the sun (even lost a year of his life trying to prove himself innocent over false allegation), and they all stuck by him-very loudly and proudly, might I add. Why then, do these people choose now to revoke their support and end friendships? Especially without first talking to the accused party? Their friend?
Seeing people associating with Sapnap, the same people who were quick to (very loudly) denounce George leaves a sour taste in my mouth. And the people expecting Dream to just drop George irritates the hell out of me, too. Why is it so hard to remember that these three men are a packaged deal, regardless of how much solo content is produced?
Whilst dream was going through some of the hardest shit in his life, those two stuck by him. When Sapnap was getting called out for joining Kick, they stuck by him. And even now, Sapnap and Dream both released statements saying George is their friend, he made a mistake, and to support Caiti. Reading comprehension must be poor here cause nowhere in either of their statements did they say they’d stop being friends with George. Thats their fucking bro, and they will support him, as he’s done with them.
Everyday I’m further surprised why Twitter clout means so much to people, when that’s not where peoples’ fanbases are. The mob they are constantly trying to appease will turn its back on them the second they get called out. Y’all were quick and loud with your responses (George hadn’t even released anything yet), and now that dreams teasing his project release, yall want in on the hype from that? Sure, but give a public apology to George for the way you jumped to conclusions and basically threw away a friendship. And give him a private one, as well that you actually mean what you say (though we don’t need to know about that one).
“Watch how ccs move the next couple of days” “anyone who does something like that is no friend of mine” (not verbatim) ‘my truth about dream’ “keeping him at arms length”- that’s a whole lot of words to say you’re weak-willed people who don’t support their friends in time of need but actually care more about your image than being a good friend, and I’d hate to have friends like that. I hope if they do try to come back now, they aren’t welcomed back by Dteam. We all know Dream don’t care how people treat him, but he don’t play when it comes George (and Sapnap, but George is the one who was in the hot seat recently). I hope he “keeps them at arms length” for how they responded to the situation, and basically threw away multiple friendships.
Yall don’t get to act the way you do, and then try to reap the benefits of someone else’s hard work and success, especially when you’ve publicly ended your friendship with them. We’ve reached the end of that vicious cycle, but I’m hoping this outcome is different; I’m hoping this time there is no welcoming back for these performative CCs, and they can sit there and reflect on why that is. Maybe then they’ll grow a backbone.
Anyway, those are my thoughts on the subject matter. (Don’t know anything in regards to the underwear discussion 😭). I apparently love getting on my soapbox every time I send something, so I thank you for reading it every time.
Have an awesome day, love!
-L :)
Hi L!! Yeah i absolutely agree with pretty much everything you said and I think what made so many CCs jump ship this time was the fact that it was a content creator within the community that spoke out similar to Shelby. However, that does not excuse their poor or extreme reactions to handling the situation.
I do think that the cycle you mentioned is super tiring and I feel like the community needs to do a better job of going "oh you dont fuck with us anymore? okay bye" and not following their actions for months afterwards to hate on them (unless we see hypocritical actions like coming back to hang with our CCs with no prior apology or public support because thats just a bit odd tbh)
I appreciate the soapboxing tbh!! It's always a good read :)
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iouinotes · 2 days
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Heroic love (part 4) | Luke Castellan
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pairing: Luke Castellan x female!reader
show: Percy Jackson and the Olympians
warnings: betrayal, dark romance, no verbal consent, angst, smut MINORS DONT INTERACTE
summary: Luke finds out your plan and you give in. After all, it is better to be with him than with the monsters that suround you.
authors note: The reader joins Luke rather unwillingly, even though she still loves him. I just want to say up front that Luke's threat at the end is not meant serious. He would never do something like that to her. He only does it so that she realizes that there is no other way than to join him. If it's too dark, I'm sorry... @qwertydddddddddd wanted to be tagged, so I hope you enjoy it <33
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Sometimes you think to yourself, this is real love. I'm gonna marry this person. I will spend my life with them, building a home and a family.
Well thats the regular scenario, I mean for the people who are regular. Not demigods.
And you see, even though we dont have an easy life, fighting monsters, losing friends, being scared and anxious all the time, that some bad evil guy suddenly wants to rule the world- we live. Because we have to and because we have each other.
So, for me, I was prepared for it to become harsh. I always knew my life would be like sitting on a rollercoaster, never having the chance to exit.
But I found comfort in this reality. I would imagine being on this attraction, but holding onto something that grounds me. Someone that gives me strengh, so I don't lose myself.
For a long time, I held hands with Luke.
Then of course, something did go terrible wrong, as if they goddess Aphrodite wanted to watch an exciting, action packed romance movie, with the plot twist of I-hate-to-love-you-because-you-left-me trope. Something like this.
Well, I think the movie sucks. In the last months, everything was just not right- Luke leaving camp to join Kronos? Betraying everyone and kidnapping me? Showing up here, messing with me and then holding my own dagger to my throat? (Deja vu)
No, that just isnt what I Imagined to happen in the future. I didnt want my boyfriend to turn into the bad guy, who we swore to fight.
But now I guess, thats up to me. At least some part of it.
"I think Luke ist turning into Darth Vader." Sometimes I'm not sure whats going on in Percys head.
"I never heard of this monster?" Annabeths parents are so wrong for not watching Star Wars with her.
"Guys, after we discussed this, you can have your movie night. But please, let's focus." My voice sounds harsher than I intended, so I immediately feel bad about it.
"Sorry, it's just very complicated. I want to know what our next steps are, what we are planning to do with this- situation." I don't know how else to call it.
"We need information. Who is the spy? What are Kronos plans? Where will he attack? Who joined him? So many unanwered questions." Chirons voice sends a shiver down my neck. He's right, but how do we achieve it?
Percys gaze unnerves me and when I turn my head to meet his eyes, he immediately shakes his head.
"I am not letting you alone with him this time. Nope." I sign, conflicted how I would want to deal with this.
All eyes are on me and when I turn to them, I try to explain my plan. But I cant even finish my second sentence and already everyone seems to be against it.
"We cant let him out!"
"He will kill us!"
"His army is already searching for him, he would escape!"
Annabeth raises her hand and the voices calm down. As she looks at me, I sense her own doubts about the situation.
"They are right. How do you know he would trust you? Could you convince him?"
I nod my head, ignoring my doubts.
"I can."
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The moon shines beautifully in the sky, but it helps nothing to calm down my nerves. Im so stupid, why did I thought I could pull this off?
"Youre sure, you want to do this? You dont have to." Percy's standing next me, as always trying to comfort me.
"He will believe me. I always had dreams, where I thought he-" I need a moment to finish my sentence.
"-died. That he got hurt or is in pain. When I had this sort of dream, I would always sneak out of my cabin and came to him. I would walk into his cabin and he somehow always knew what happend. He would tuck me in his bed, letting me cry and cuddling me. Resurring me that everything is going to be okay, that he will live. That was always my biggest fear, that he would die and I would be helpless to do anything against it. He knows that."
We stand in silence for a moment.
"If you need me, I will be there. Just be careful." I smile at him.
I take a deep breath and go trough the doors, seeing that the only light he has, is a small lamp on the ceiling. I quicken my pace so he can hear me coming. When I stand in front of his cell, he is already on his feet. He looks alarmed.
"What-" his t-shirt is wrinkled and his eyes are sleepy. My breath catches and I don't even have to pretend to be confused and afraid, standing in front of him alone in the dark is enough.
The bars are the only thing that separates us.
At first I don't say anything, I just look at him with watery eyes. And just like I said, he knows it. He always knows.
"Another nightmare?" His voice is so gentle, it makes me remember the old days when everything was good. When he took me in his arms and wiped the tears from my cheeks.
I just nod, I don't think my voice is stable enough yet.
I have to play the role, I can do it. He has to believe me.
I slide down the wall and put my head in my hands, all the despair and pain I've been carrying for weeks suddenly coming out of me. I'm crying so hard that I'm almost afraid of waking up the others.
"Shit, princess- what can I do? Let me help, please." He sounds so desperate and it's only now that I realize, that I don't actually have to act. Because my tears are real.
"Y-you ruined everything! And I'm still s-so scared that something h-happens to you" I meet his gaze and see the remorse in his eyes. His heart hurts too.
"I didn't want something like that to happen- please, darling. Come here." Sniffling, I stand up. My knees feeling weak and unsteady. If I go in there now, I won't be able to defend myself properly.
“You hurt me, I shouldn’t even be here. You're an idiot, Luke. I hate-" but I can't bring myself to say it. I cant say that I hate him. Because I don't, at least not yet.
"I know, believe me. I hate myself too. Only your belief in me has always held me together." He grips the bars, I see the inner conflict within him.
"But you won't change. You've never been able to do that well." I know I'm right and he knows it too. Silence surrounds us.
"Let me hold you. Just for- a few minutes. Please. I can't stand seeing you like this. You've always been the sunshine in my life. I don't want my sun to be obscured."
The key jingles in my hand and I look at it uncertainly.
"I won't hurt you, never again, I promise. I also got an anklet. I can't escape." His eyes look so honest. I'm feeling nervous, my heart is beating way too fast.
I put the key in the lock and open the door, freezing in my movements for a moment. What am I doing here? But then I hear his voice and I know why.
“It’s not that comfortable on the floor, but you can sit on my lap." I close the door.
As I move towards him I see how thin he has become and how brown his eyes still are.
Slowly, he raises his hands and when I stand in front of him he puts them around my waist. My knees buckle and I sink carefully onto his lap. My hands rest uncertainly on his shoulders, then moving down to his neck. Playing with the strands of his hair, lost in thoughts.
His face is right in front of mine, both of our breaths are uneven. His hands linger on me, holding me tight to him. Warmth fills my chest as I look into his eyes.
"You're so beautiful. So, so beautiful." A sob tries to escape me, as I do something, I always loved. I put my head in the crook of his neck and wrap my arms around him.
He holds me for a few minutes, stroking my back and whispering soothing, sweet nothings in my ear.
Once I've calmed down, I'm basically lying on top of him and can hear his heartbeat. It's almost soporific.
"Luke?" my voice is calm.
His head turns to me. "Yes?"
"I...I want to be with you. I don't care how or- or where. I just know that I can't live without you." I see his eyebrows furrow.
"You dont mean-" I am silent. Just looking at him, sitting up a little, straddling him.
"I need you. I tried not to need you. But it's out of my control, nothing helps to ease the pain. Only you, only you matter."
Is it the truth if the words escape me so easily?
His hand finds my cheek and I lean into his touch.
"We're the only ones that matter. We will get through this, together and united. You don't have to fight my darling, you just have to be by my side." His hand around my waist pulls me towards him, the other one, he continues to lay on my cheek. Caressing the skin, drawing invisible heart-shapes.
Then his lips meet mine and my eyes flutter shut. The kiss so intoxicating, that I forget for a moment my real intention. Forget why I'm participating in this madness.
As he pulls away from me, I hear his whispering voice.
"You won't betray me, right? You won't do that to me?" He tugs on my hair, ever so slightly, to get my attention.
"No, Luke. I won't." Lie.
The key in my hand is no longer idle as I remove his shackles carefully.
"Then princess, let's get out of here." I slowly get off his lap, but before I stand up, he lifts me up in his arms.
"I promise you that I will never hurt you again. You deserve only the best." As cliche as it is, he carries me out of the cell, which isnt locked anymore.
He lets me down outside and breathes in the fresh air. It's still night, maybe 4 a.m. Everything is quiet.
His hands cup my face and place several kisses on my skin.
"You are incredible, I knew you would join me. For real this time." He takes my hand and intertwines our fingers. I don't see Percy anywhere.
"Let's go. I know where my troops are stationed. Nobody will notice that we're gone until it's too late."
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Joining Kronos' army was the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life, and that includes keeping the truth from Luke.
That I'm a spy for the camp, better hidden than anyone else ever could. No one would accuse or suspect the leader's girlfriend, because everyone can see how much I love him.
After all, it's the only reason I'm tolerated here. Because Luke would kill anyone who even came near me. He has already done it to a dragon lady who was too pushy and even when I tried to stop him, he showed no mercy.
Because he can't afford to do that, if he shows that he has a heart, it will be taken away from him.
Every day it is torture to witness this evil, to help maintain cover, to save my friends.
And every day I feel worse, because I lie to Luke. But it is the only way. I cannot help in the camp, if my heart is somewhere else. Here, with him, my thoughts are not always here, but my heart is.
At least it's enough for me to function. When Luke isn't distracting me.
When I wake up that morning on the Princess Andromeda, it is still quiet. In the presence of these monsters, I have not been able to sleep well for months. Even the dreams I have, make me wake up in the middle of the night and the only thing that calms me down is Luke's touch.
His fingers gently stroke my exposed skin, and as I turn my head and look at him, I see an emotion in his eyes, I've only recently noticed. There is a desire in his gaze, as if he wanted to consume my entire being, to have me just for himself.
My voice, my body, my thoughts, my feelings. Simply everything. He wants it all to be his.
"I wish I could erase every bad dream you have and send whoever is responsible for it to burn in hell. It should scare me that you make me think like that, but if I'm honest, it doesn't. Are you scared?" His eyes look into mine.
Slowly, my fingers intertwine with his. "Not when you're with me."
The next thing I notice is his lips on mine. The way his hands grip my hips and pull me onto him.
He leans towards me, his lips caress my ears and I hear his whispering voice. "Every day I hear one my followers talking about you. That they want to have you, to decorate your beautiful body with scars, with their initials." I freeze at his words, wanting to pull away and look at him, but he holds me tight. Makes me continue to listen to his voice.
"They want to see you bleed, to alternate between pain and pleasure when they push their cocks into you. Do you like that? That you are so desired? That you turn everyone's heads, when you go by and they start wanting to see my head roll? To get close to you, huh?" I want to shake my own head, but he holds me even tighter.
"Do you know how hard it is not to execute every single one of them? Do you know that? I would, if I could. I would kill every single one of them, in front of you, so that everyone knows that you belong to me. Do you understand? No one will speak to you anymore, because your voice is mine. No one will look at you, because your sight is mine. You keep your hands to yourself, no more help with injuries, I don't care if they die. Your hands only touch me."
As I start to sqirm, he leans back, keeping his hands on my hips until a finger strokes my cheek.
"No one will ever kiss you except me. And anyone who even thinks about fucking you, I will let die in battle. You may think my loyalty is to Kronos, but it is to you. My beautiful girl. Now think carefully about who you are pledging your loyalty to."
When his eyes look into mine, I fall silent. Then, even though I try not to, my voice trembles.
"What do you mean? I'm loyal to you, Luke."
His hands caress my skin, examining how the sun shines on me. I'm only wearing one of his T-shirts and my panties. His hands, stroke my bare thighs.
His eyebrows rise, slowly his fingers wrap around my panties, pulling them down until I am revealed to him. My heart is pounding so loudly in my chest, that it feels like it's about to give up. I hold my breath as he places the tip of his cock at my entrance.
What am I doing here?
"I think you're not being completely honest with me, princess. Let's try again. Who are you loyal to?" As he slowly enters me and his hands hold my hips, I moan. I lay my head back for a moment and enjoy the stretch, feeling his hands slide under my shirt and stroke over my stomach, to my breasts and to my neck.
"Luke, what's going on? I'm here with you, I'm-" But I can't finish my sentence as he plunges into me with a violent jerk, right up to the edge. My eyes roll back.
"These sweet lies that come from your lips. Of course you are here physically, but with the mind? Oh no, while I fuck you, your thoughts are on Camp Halfblood. On Jackson. Can you believe it?" His hands push my hips down until I am connected directly to him and can feel every inch inside me. I almost melt as one of his hands presses into my lower back and I move even closer to him.
When I try to answer him, my voice is a mixture of horror and pleasure. "Luke, that's not true. I only want you, I'm on your side- ahh-" Faster than I can react, he thrusts into me. Once, twice. So hard and ruthless that he hits the spot inside me, that makes me see stars. I can't concentrate.
"How I wish you would tell the truth. There's nothing to be ashamed of, sweetheart. Admit it, I already know. My girlfriend is the traitor. Behind my back, she talks to the person I hate the most and yet, she sits on my lap and rides my cock. What would Percy say about that?"
His hand wraps around my neck and holds me tight, his hips keep pounding into me and even though my brain tells me to stop, my guard is down. I want this.
"How-" But when I want to ask, he pushes me onto him again. So fast, too hard, it almost hurts, but it also feels so good.
"I have my eyes everywhere. It took me a while to figure out how to deal with it, how to deal with you. But I found a good solution. After all, Percy lets you be here, without cover, without protection. Hoping I wouldn't find out that you were passing on information. That I wouldn't hurt you."
His last sentence makes me tense up, but even though his face twists in amusement for a brief moment, he doesn't stop talking.
"Your pussy won't save you either. And since I have given you my word, I will not harm you. I found a better punishment. A choice."
He suddenly stops moving and I almost cry, wanting to move myself, but he takes my face in his hand, tightly. Focusing all attention on him.
"Either you stop your underhanded loyalty to Jackson immediately and serve me, or I will make the wishes of everyone behind this door come true and you will be used like a beautiful, little doll. From each one of them, I assure you. But after that, you won't be so beautiful anymore."
Tears well up my eyes, whether it's from the tight grip he's holding on me or from his words, I can't tell. And I'm scared, it feels like I'm being buried alive. With no prospect of ever being able to breathe or be free again.
Without me saying anything, he starts moving inside me again, letting my hips sink onto his. I breathe in loudly.
"Come on, move. Your choice. It's either my cock or anyone else's."
When I look at him, the person I once loved has disappeared. It's like looking at a stranger.
My heart feels like it's been stolen and in the back of my mind I realize, that I should have never gone with him.
But then I close my eyes, put my hands on his shoulders for support and sink down onto him. Again and again, even stronger. Until my thighs shake and tears run down my cheeks. Until I hear Luke's quiet voice again.
"If you think you are strong enough to be like me, treacherous, cold-hearted and ruthless, then I have to disappoint you. Your heart will be soft forever unless the world hardens it. I will protect you for that, princess. Forget camp halfblood, you only serve me now."
His lips are hot on my skin, a strong contrast to my heart, which feels like it's made of ice.
And when I receive the next secret sign from Annabeth a few days later, I ignore it.
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ruporas · 1 year
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lonely
[ID: A limited palette of green and pink, Vashwood comic. The first page serves as a prologue. The first panel shows Vash speaking to someone off screen while Wolfwood is lingering behind him. A black arrow is drawn pointing at him. In the second panel, Vash is buying donuts in the distance while Wolfwood is once again in view, lingering. and the black arrow is drawn pointing at him. In the third panel, Vash is leaving a cubicle and turning towards his right with a slightly peeved expression. He sees Wolfwood, leaning against the cubicle, waiting for him, and with the black arrow drawn, pointing at him, implicating the consistent hovering of Wolfwood’s presence during Vash’s everyday. At the bottom of the page, they’re drawn out of panel with Vash turning to Wolfwood and saying with an irritated expression, “You’re really following me everywhere, huh?” Wolfwood responds, “What, you got a problem?” Vash responds without hesitation, “Yeah, kinda...”
The second page starts with a new day. In the first panel, Vash is seen alone, weighing apples in his hands at a mart, with crowds passing behind him. In the second panel, he turns to his right and starts to say, “Hey, Wolfwood...” In the third panel, he’s startled from seeing a stranger, whom he’d accidentally called out to when he was expecting to see Wolfwood. He says, “Oh, you’re not him. Sorry!” In the fourth panel, the stranger walks off and Vash muses, “Right, he said he had something to do today...”
The third page begins with a close up of Vash's miffed expression, the continuation of Vash's thoughts, "Now that he's not here, this is just like how I used to be, but... It feels lonely somehow. Oh well, I'll see him again tonight, like always." In the second panel, it shows Vash walking through the marketplace crowd, alone. In the third panel, the door panel is a close up of the door opening with a peek of Vash's head. He says, "Wolfwood!" In the fourth panel, Vash is holding a bag of food with a bright smile and says, "Are you hungry? I got you something to eat today!"
The fourth page begins with a shot of the room, two beds being highlighted, one of them being made properly with the blanket draped over the bed and the other with the blanket folded and pillow sitting on top of it. There's no sign of Wolfwood. The second panel shows Vash with a disappointed look as he thinks, "He's still not here?" The third panel shows Vash putting the bag of food on the table. Stapled to the paper bag is the receipt with a written note "For Wolfwood." Vash's thoughts continue "He does like to stay out so, I guess there's no reason to worry..." The fourth panel shows Vash sitting his bed somberly with his thoughts continued, "It's not any of my business anyway..."
The fifth page starts with a close up his blank expression as he looks downwards, thinking, "Even if he left completely... That'd be understandable and better for him. I'll just travel alone again... like before... Huh?" The next panel shows Vash's composure break, tears welling up in his eyes suddenly, as he didn't expect to cry. He starts to sob, putting his hands to his face to quiet himself and wipe at his tears, as he says, "Ugh... Dammit... I miss h..." The last panel shows Vash leaning over into his hands, still crying, and in the back, the door swings wide open with a bam as Wolfwood walks through with the punisher swung behind him. He shouts, "SPIKEY! You in here?!"
The sixth page starts with Wolfwood confused, looking at Vash and Vash looks back, just as confused, with tears in his eyes and snot out of his nose. Wolfwood starts saying, "Ah? You..." No longer in panels, at the bottom of the page, Wolfwood takes the Punisher off of himself and starts to walk towards Vash, continuing with slight concern, "What's wrong with you? Did something happen?" Vash, hurriedly begins to wipe at his tears, denying immediately, "No! No, I'm fine! Nothing happened!"
The seventh page, Vash points towards the table, with a hand still wiping at his tears and he smiles as he says, "I uh got you food. On the table." Wolfwood looks towards to the table and responds, "Oh. I was getting hungry, thanks." He turns his head back to Vash immediately after with an uncertain expression, knowing the other wasn't responding to his concern, and says, "But, I know you're an idiot with this stuff, so I'm reminding you again. Don't brush it off if it's an issue, alright?"
The eight page, Vash's tears have dried and he looks to Wolfwood with a soft smile and responds, "Yeah. It's okay though..." A panel at the center shows a side view of Vash approaching Wolfwood. At the bottom of the page, with no panel, is a close up shot of Vash's hand, holding onto the edge of Wolfwood's jacket sleeve, as he says, "Because you're here now. Wolfwood."
The final page is a back shot of both of them standing next to each other, Wolfwood's head tilted slightly to the left, not fully believing Vash as he says, "That doesn't answer anything, Spikey." Vash responds, "There's no need to talk about it! You should enjoy your food. Let's have a drink too?" Wolfwood responds, "Tsk, tsk. Fine, yeah. I could use one." END ID]
#vashwood#vash the stampede#nicholas d wolfwood#trigun#trigun maximum#but onto this comic... i think and talk a LOT about vash's loneliness bc trigun is just. kind of central on that for a good while! esp in#the original manga he was alone for a good portion of it and he tends to keep others away like how he ran away from meryl and milly when#they tried to tag along. and he was kind of bothered when he realized ww was following him around Too. at the core even though he loves#humans and he loves deeply the people he does know -- he isnt really much of a people person and i think thats been the case since he was#young considering his initial doubts towards humans... with the exception of kids bc kids dont give him moral conflicts. so suddenly#here comes wolfwood!!! his guide. someone TRULY affixed to him until he has to get to knives. someone who isnt budging and someone whos#really good at following him around and even seems like he goes like 5 steps ahead to make sure vash doesnt run on him#in one way its - i don't want you to follow me bc i don't want to burden you and i don't want you to kill the people i want to save.#in another way its - i like this companionship. i like waking up to you and i like ending the way with you. i like talking to someone who#knows my world. i like being in your space and sometimes i enjoy talking about our day#theyre just living together. like. roadtrip buddies or theyre also under the same roof because they're going everywhere together.#trimax they mainly spend their mornings together and if they had personal business attend the other person would usually know and itd only#be during the midday. anyway bc of this kind of companionship i figure that vash eventually grew accustom to it and he really. cant go back#to the kind of loneliness from before. it's harder to imagine and it'd be harder to withstand. esp after 2 years with lina and her grandma.#ruporas art
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good-beanswrites · 1 month
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A drabble for an anon asking about the prisoners watching their music videos! This is focused on specifically Mikoto’s initial shock at seeing MeMe for the first time, but just know that Double comes with a whole new set of shocks as he truly listens to John for the first time ;-;
Mikoto was no criminal. 
He didn’t know how to break into locked rooms, or hack into complex prison security systems. He figured there was no way in hell he’d be able to see these so-called incriminating videos that the Warden was recording, and had resolved himself to an eternity of wondering what they could be. He was shocked when he didn’t need to do a single thing to gain access to them – Es simply adjusted the computer monitor and told him he could hit play when (and if) he wished. Then they left the room.
“A-are you sure?” he called, but they were already gone.
Mikoto blinked at the screen. It showed a stretched version of his apartment couch, near his bathroom wall, broken to reveal sky above. He thought he could spot his tarot cards at the bottom of the frame. Had Milgram broken into his home to film this? 
He scoffed, and hit play.
Distorted guitar started up. He flinched as his own face appeared for a moment – looking directly into the camera and making a wild expression he would never have made if someone was recording. His body tensed up more as he heard his own voice start to sing lyrics he’d never spoken before in his life. He wasn’t even a good singer, and here he was sounding like a professional. 
There were plenty of ways to accomplish all of this, of course. Software could mimic one’s voice, making him say anything these crazy reality hosts wanted. A team could easily add some digital effects to a stunt double and match his appearance perfectly. Knowing that didn’t make the experience any less unsettling.
He watched himself commit a nasty murder. He watched himself return home bloodied. But it was all ridiculous. How could Milgram even claim that this was him? He’d never raised a hand to anyone in his life. Were the other prisoners’ videos as outlandish as this one?
But then, a switch. 
The song shifted to a new melody. He appeared to wake up from his couch, and suddenly Mikoto got the sense that this was him.
He was struck with how familiar this new segment sounded. It simultaneously felt like a favorite song he must have played on loop not too long ago, and one that he’d never heard before. As it played, each new note and lyric felt right on the tip of his tongue. 
It ended as quickly as it began. The song returned to the heavy-metal-murder aesthetic it had started with, and once again he felt like he was watching a cheap copy of himself onscreen. He watched another murder, a shower scene (had the warden seen all that? How embarrassing…) and then he turned to his bathroom mirror.
At the same time as his musical counterpart, Mikoto leapt backwards in horror. 
His eyes remained glued to the screen. His hand flew up to grab the lower half of his face. It was fake, he told himself. AI and CGI and all that. It was fake. It had to be. 
Something deep inside of him said “no. That’s real. That’s me.”
Something else deep inside of him echoed the sentiment.
The video was less than four minutes of music, but by the end he was panting and tugging at his hair as if he’d endured hours of prison torture. He burst out of the room. He sucked in breath after breath. The melodies still played in his mind, lines repeating in his memory as he tried to put as much distance between himself and that little television screen.
He found the others in the common room. They gave him a knowing look, but somehow he knew his experience had been very different from their own. Es approached him.
They studied his expression for a moment. Thankfully, they didn’t ask anything stupid, like “how did it go?” or “what did you think?” 
Instead, they just told him, “if you ever want to watch it again, just let me know, I can get it set up for you.”
He would want to see it again. Of course, it would be better, then. He would take a moment to calm down. He’d watch it later and everything would be okay. He’d have a clearer mind. He’d pick out all the little camera tricks they used to make it. He’d be sure it was a fake, and laugh about how ridiculous he was being now. 
Of course. Of course. 
He nodded to Es, unable to produce any words. Es left him.
The rules in this prison never made any sense, but in this case, he was grateful. He wouldn’t need to figure out any snooping or hacking to get access to the video again. After all, he was no criminal.
… he wasn’t, was he?
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being arospec but not sure where i land has been really awkward like i say demiro but thats not really accurate so i just say "yeah im somewhere on the aromantic spectrum!!" Anyway this bingo felt really validating for me :>
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bylertruther · 2 years
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the crazy thing abt will and mike is that we mostly learn will is gay because other people tell us he is, but we learn that mike is gay (despite him telling us he's not, begging us to pls see tht he's not gay) because literally everything that he does is so fucking gay. because in him trying to not be gay he is just being so unbelievably extra fucking gay without realizing. like. el is literally his red herring idc i'll say it stone me if u must but the truth must be said !!!!
#why is he always so crazy to save and protect will and even just to figure out if he's okay#but if el is missing he's like damn... tht sucks... but stays his ass at home. calls on his radio but thts it.#he doesn't Go Insane and put himself n everyone he loves in danger jus to find her. he knows she's out there. he SAW her. and yet!!#and when he fucks up with her he needs someone (lucas and will) to hold his hand n guide him through it (which NEVER fucking works#bc they don't know her how mike SHOULD know her as her bf but i digress) but when he fucks up with will HE LITERALLY DOES EXACTLY WHAT#OTHER CHARACTERS ARE TELLING HIM HE NEEDS TO DO FOR EL (LUCAS) OR EXACTLY WHAT OTHER CHARACTERS ARE TELLING EL THAT HE'LL DO FOR HER (MAX)#EL IS LITERALLY CRYING BEGGING PLEADING SAYING YOU DON'T EVEN LOVE ME WHY CAN'T YOU SAY IT YOU THINK I'M A MONSTER#AND HE'S LIKE 😰🤐😶🫥 BUT WILL CONFESSES UNDER HER NAME AND THEN /PROMPTS HIM/ TO SAY WHATEVER HE NEEDED TO SAY#AND SUDDENLY /THATS/ WHEN HE CAN SAY I LOVE YOU?!!? FOR THE FIRST FUCKING TIME?????#AND THEN AFTERWARD WHEN THEY'RE NOT TALKING HE JUST BRUSHES IT OFF????????????#YOU'RE TELLING ME THAT'S NOT A GAY MAN? YOU'RE TELLING ME THAT'S NOT A HOMOSEXUAL?#meanwhile will has always just been will. the Biggest hint we got was s4 him moving his foot away. but other than that it was always subtle#ppl calling him slurs. bc everything else they PURPOSELY made it so tht it could be either he's just Not There Yet or Could Be gay#but mike is just so. he's fucking gay bro how else can i say it like 😭#mine#mike
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lord-squiggletits · 2 months
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Something else that makes me sympathetic to Pharma's situation is like. Idk if there's an actual term for this or if someone smarter and more academic wrote it about some real life context that actually matters.
But, so we've already established among Pharma stans that the circumstances at Delphi were blackmail/torture with no real way out that wouldn't involve Pharma being responsible for people getting killed (either killing patients for the deal or having everyone die bc he failed his end of the deal).
And I feel like while "he's still in the wrong because he killed people" is part of it, another sort of implicit part is the idea that Pharma should've been willing to take more personal risk, maybe even risk dying? I mean, Ratchet does ask "why didn't you just detonate it near the DJD" (to which Pharma responds that he did try to get Sonic and Boom to do it, but they refused) so like
Idk I feel like we do have this social notion of martyrs as a very romantic ideal, people you can praise for being so brave and strong and righteous that they ended their own lives for their cause, while you can also coo about how sad and tragic it is that dying is what it took for them to do the right thing. But at the same time I feel like in reality, having an expectation that people become martyrs is kind of a toxic social norm bc like. It's very easy to demand that others sacrifice their lives for some Ultimate Moral Good when you yourself aren't experiencing the same hardships as they are. And ultimately it is kind of fucked up to tell someone "the moral thing you should've done was risk your life/kill yourself" because asking someone to pay their life to do the right thing is no small request. And sure, the typical response would be to call them a "coward" for caring more about saving their own skin instead of doing the right thing... but again, death is a really scary thing and self-preservation is a really strong instinct, so it kind of feels like having this binary view of "you're either a Brave Hero who sacrifices your life for everyone else or a Dirty Coward who's too scared of dying to do what's right" is kind of fucked up?
I guess the best way to describe it is that if someone willingly gives up their life as a sacrifice to others, it can be a noble thing because it's a choice they made willingly, but if it becomes a Moral Standard that in order to be a Good Person you have to be unafraid of throwing your life away and if you aren't willing to die you're a Cowardly Bad Person, that's when it becomes toxic.
Idk, I guess how this ties back to Pharma is that he was never in a position where he expected to make these kinds of moral decisions/ultimatums. He's a doctor who doesn't even get into combat, his job is to heal and not to kill, he's behind the front lines in a hospital that's supposed to be a safe, neutral place for him to heal people. So in the face of suddenly having a "murder people on behalf of me, or I murder everyone you swore to protect" ultimatum thrust upon him, I understand why Pharma wasn't """"""""""brave enough"""""""""" to "do the right thing" (whatever that would've been in the case of Delphi). You could argue that maybe a frontliner soldier accepted the burden of possibly dying for their cause and they've become used to it as someone who lives that reality every single day, but I feel like for Pharma, who's a doctor and a protected non-combatant (from what we can tell), that sort of risking of his life/living with the fact his life could be snuffed out any day isn't something he would've been prepared for at all.
And for me personally, from an outsider's perspective, it strikes me as kind of unethical to go "oh well he should've just detonated the bomb himself even if it killed him" bc again, there's a difference between witnessing a moral conundrum as a bystander versus being the person living with it and being under time pressure where it's do-or-die. Just as part of my personal standards, I feel like death is such a huge consequence/burden of someone's actions (literally you are no longer alive, any potential you had left is cut short, you cease to exist on this plane) that it feels rather callous to go "Well you should've just been willing to die for your beliefs if you really cared that much!!!"
#squiggposting#pharma apologism#this is only like tangentially related to pharma honestly#not to compare blorbos to real life but like. it reminds me of this phenomenon where privileged ppl in privileged countries#will tell ppl living in zones of war and strife 'oh well if you don't like your gov so bad just revolt against them'#like oh yes tell me how easy it is to stand up against the threats of torture and death#surely the only reason people would want to avoid that is bc they're cowards or don't want to stand up for their beliefs#contrary to what nationalism would have ppl believe. 'wanting to not die' isn't a moral position#everyone wants to live. no one wants to die. it doesnt make you a bad person to be scared of dying#esp (going back to blorbo's) in a situation like pharma's where every option he had ended in death#the death of his patients or the death of everyone at delphi or his death personally#on top of the fact he's a noncombatant who hasn't been desensitized to violence/risking his own life#and is dealing with a trained group of killers that he can't possibly match on physical terms#so yeah actually i don't blame pharma for what he did#he made shitty decisions in a shitty situation but was ultimately a victim#also if you want to view the blackmail deal from a framework of abuse#it is also fucked up to basically tell someone they werent brave enough to just kill their accuser or ask for help#isnt the entire point of such situations that the victim is both powerless to stop the abuse#and too afraid of asking for help/thinks they cant ask for help. and thats why they dont just get out#idk sometimes the best moral judgement is to forgive someone or view it as 'complicated'#sometimes regardless of the good or evilness of their actions the best choice is to not make a judgement#or to err in favor of a forgiving/'i cant speak for your experience' judgement#anyways the fact is that the rosy fantasy of being a brave noble soldier who sacrifices for the cause#rarely stands up to reality where youre just terrified and powerless and dont know what to do#and suddenly the rosy glow of The Noble Cause isnt comforting in the prospect of horrible torturous death
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iftitah · 5 months
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she's talking on a call with her parents about how it was her luck and gods will what got her into this college who's gonna tell her of course no one because you know 🤡🤡
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caffeinatedopossum · 2 years
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That sad realization that not only did the undiagnosed autism lead to me not realizing my "friends" were actually bullying me the whole time I knew them but I was also unintentionally doing something similar to neurotypical friends because I didn't understand how we thought differently
#i just want yall to know that when i first wrote undiagnosed my phone autocortected that to undigested so. yeah#you heard it hear folks. autism is undigestable. thats why we all got tummy problems#anyway this is why is struggling with communication and maintaining relationships is a symptom#although my relationships always seem fine to *me* because im oblivious as fuck#and this is why autism questionnaires need to be phrased differently#alsp yeah. thinking about that one time i went to a summer camp and i joked about a girl in mine and my friends dorm#who was sleep talking that night. and one of the counselors immediately shamed me for bullying#like we were all there and awake. everyone already knew and laughed so i assumrd it was funny#but then suddenly *I* was being mean...? i understand more now but i wish someone explained it to me more gently#why did everyone laugh it was mean? i thought they laughed because it was funny#still dont understand why people laugh if something is hurtful. i didnt want to insult the girl either#i considered us friends and i was just trying to include her in the conversation#it was still not ok though...#theres another time that comes to mind when i said matter of factly that my sister was a liar#in front of her boyfriend who then very aggressively silenced me#i didnt understand why you would lie if you cant accept being a liar#it wasnt meant as an insult it was meant as the truth#but maybe if it was insulting she should stop lying#idk it was really weird#maybe this is why i didnt realize people where insulting me#because to them they were picking on me#but to me they were either stating a fact or falsely accusing me#i get embarrassed too of course but only because its whats expected of me#that makes me feel scared and inferior and alone. and thats what embarrassment feels like for me#it feels like everyone is unforgivingly looking at me with a magnifying glass
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stellarsightz · 10 months
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“All that I've been taught // And every word I've got // Is foreign to me” — Hozier, Foreigner’s God
Aka "nooo dont grieve the life you spent running away from everything and wish you could go back to that life of uncertainty, where you constantly wonder if you can survive another day, rather than stand in the middle of a civil war which has nothing to do with you, you're so cool and sexy you're literally the mythical hero of a land where everyone detests your kind ahahahh"
A silly drawing of my Bosaltmer Dovahkiin, Baltana :))
I fiddled with her design a little, aka i added a different facial tattoo (which mirrors Lynwallyn's because hehe they're twins)
-> a companion piece to this older drawing of Lynwallyn
(Alternative version under the cut; possible eyestrain warning)
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faevi · 6 months
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i can’t help but get so frustrated that i am constantly getting headaches when the weekend begins because it prevents me from writing, when i just wanna write 🤠
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fleapit · 8 months
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do people realize that you're not "more" of a werewolf by identifying as a clinical lycanthrope as opposed to a therian. because im not sure they do.
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mildcicada · 1 month
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#U Have No Idea How Much I Miss Her.#i need to start actually drawinf again its been a hellish 6 months#its really easy to just fall out of the habit of it#i used to obsess over never being someone who just suddenly stopped drawing for weeks/months#it scared me. like a core part of my identity would have to change for that to happen or would be changed by that happening#and then once i didn't draw and wasn't drawing i felt like i needed something to violently change about myself to get me to start doing it#again. but i didn't need that i just drew something again and that was it. like that stretch of time didn't happen#drawing is just an activity you can choose to do or not do and there are no consequences for whatever decision you chose to take but it felt#so serious to me it is like i viewed it like death#which i was right about in a way but mostly in how death is just a thing that happens and that it wont be that sudden and insane#you will just be and then not be just like how you weren't and now are. its just like me drawing or not drawing lol#but that comic of ht papyrus by jnpie where he's looking at the puzzles he used to make and wondering if he'll ever do that again. or if he#wants to. its like that feeling. it always sticks in my mind#i have like a fear of thinking about when i will no longer care about something i care about now and its so weird when. realize i stopped#wanting to do something and caring about it and. i feel nothing on account of no longer caring about it lol. but i know that past me#is currently looking forward at me now and terrified. this is unrelated to that comic a lot but its like. thinking about how i will change#words#mine#IM NOT TAGGING THE ART bc i wanna actually finish some of these pieces tbh and like they are just the backdrop for my thoughts...#feels so hashtag tumblr to talk to yourself about some vague ass feelings or situation that no one else will look at ugh thats like#The tumblr experience. but i love reading other's personal posts and tags though..
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