#swindle the swindling swindler...

[maple-seas]

my favorite part of toontown corporate clash is when the swindler said "it's swindling time" and swindled all over the place

[ask-a-bot]

Yea, Swindle is definitely one I can see doing this type of thing, since his main motivation is money. I know we were also suspecting Prowl. Though I’m not sure how the investigation is going on that end.

Optimus, I know you and the others have been busy with the sick room, but have you heard anything new about the Prowl/Hasbro situation? We’ve gotten more questions than answers so far, and now, we’ve added another suspect, Swindle! Any ideas?

He does seem like the most likely Decepticon – and he's got a habit of going to ground and gathering information.

Yes, he has. Swindle would sell his own brother, steal him back and sell him again. Snf. Kshoosch! Snf.

Bless you. Want some more oil?

I have had ample. Stop fussing, Prime!

Prowl contacted me today and tried to warn me off. I think that more or less confirms our suspicions.

I am going to take him apart with my- coooouuuugh! Cough, cough, cough, coooouuuugh!

You are gonna stay still, keep warm and take it easy, Megatron.

[whatsitzface]

My favourite headcannon about Logan Kellerman is that he's a fucking shapeshifter. He has blonde hair and freckles and blue eyes on tuesday, wednesday he walks into school a dark eyed brunette without a freckle in sight, but there is a mole on his cheek that DEFINITELY wasn't there yesterday. His appearance is constantly in motion, ever changing. Back at home he's got a walk in closet the size of a small country with enough hair dye to kill a horse, so much make up, different coloured eye contacts, wigs, and every accesory known to man. That's not to mention the clothes, which he has every fashion style of.

Nobody but his own mother knows what he REALLY looks like, and even she forgets sometimes.

[theaskew]

Satantango, a novel by László Krasznahorkai, 1985.

[if-you-fan-a-fire]

"LAWYER TESTIFIES FOR PROSECUTION," Montreal Star. July 3, 1934. Page 3. --- W. F. Ryan Faces Trial on Charge of Stealing Stocks ---- Trial of W. F. Ryan on a charge of theft of shares of stocks valued at $3,500, property of J. R. Dick, which opened this morning before Judge Lacroix, was marked by numerous objections on the part of Gordon Webster, defence counsel.

Mr. Webster objected time and again to the production of certain documents and to evidence given by Frank Callaghan, K.C., who was called as the first Crown witness. Defence counsel maintained that Mr. Callaghan had no personal knowledge of the various acts of which he testified and also of the various documents he was introducing. His objections were finally taken under reserve by Judge Lacroix as the witness informed the court he had all the personal knowledge necessary as he had acted as counsel for the complainant in the transaction concerning the transfer of stocks and later.

MADE LOAN. Mr. Callaghan told the court that last December Mr. Dick approached him for recommendation of some one from whom he could borrow $1,100 for which he would furnish the $3,500 worth of stocks in question as collateral for one month.

He said that he recommended Mr. Ryan and that the stocks in question. were taken from the firm of Oswarld & Drinkwater here by Mr. Ryan after he loaned the $1,100 to Mr. Dick.

Witness said he was again present one month later when Mr. Dick, his client, visited the accused and offer- ed to pay back the $1,100 borrowed. from Mr. Ryan. He said Mr. Ryan then told them he did not have the stocks as he had placed them with the firm of Abrahams & Co., in New York as he could obtain the money there at 4 per cent, while he would have had to pay 6% per cent here. Mr. Callighan said there had never been any question of Mr. Ryan disposing of the stocks as he was only supposed to hold the shares as collateral for one month.

Mr. Callaghan informed the court that after waiting a week in which Mr. Ryan had promised to get the stocks back he finally 'phoned to Abrahams & Co., in New York and was told there they knew nothing about the stocks of Mr. Ryan. He said he discovered later that the stocks were in the hands of another firm here.

Later, he said, Mr. Ryan gave him a list showing the numbers and quantities of stocks sold to the local firm. He produced this list together with the bills of sale from the stock firm despite the strenuous objections. of Mr. Webster, who maintained he was not the right person to produce these documents.

The case is continuing.

[kaleschmidt]

Thinks of Naomi once to caving in and then I fall to my KNEES

[mostlysignssomeportents]

What the fuck is a PBM?

TOMORROW (Sept 24), I'll be speaking IN PERSON at the BOSTON PUBLIC LIBRARY!

Terminal-stage capitalism owes its long senescence to its many defensive mechanisms, and it's only by defeating these that we can put it out of its misery. "The Shield of Boringness" is one of the necrocapitalist's most effective defenses, so it behooves us to attack it head-on.

The Shield of Boringness is Dana Claire's extremely useful term for anything so dull that you simply can't hold any conception of it in your mind for any length of time. In the finance sector, they call this "MEGO," which stands for "My Eyes Glaze Over," a term of art for financial arrangements made so performatively complex that only the most exquisitely melted brain-geniuses can hope to unravel their spaghetti logic. The rest of us are meant to simply heft those thick, dense prospectuses in two hands, shrug, and assume, "a pile of shit this big must have a pony under it."

MEGO and its Shield of Boringness are key to all of terminal-stage capitalism's stupidest scams. Cloaking obvious swindles in a lot of complex language and Byzantine payment schemes can make them seem respectable just long enough for the scammers to relieve you of all your inconvenient cash and assets, though, eventually, you're bound to notice that something is missing.

If you spent the years leading up to the Great Financial Crisis baffled by "CDOs," "synthetic CDOs," "ARMs" and other swindler nonsense, you experienced the Shield of Boringness. If you bet your house and/or your retirement savings on these things, you experienced MEGO. If, after the bubble popped, you finally came to understand that these "exotic financial instruments" were just scams, you experienced Stein's Law ("anything that can't go forever eventually stops"). If today you no longer remember what a CDO is, you are once again experiencing the Shield of Boringness.

As bad as 2008 was, it wasn't even close to the end of terminal stage capitalism. The market has soldiered on, with complex swindles like carbon offset trading, metaverse, cryptocurrency, financialized solar installation, and (of course) AI. In addition to these new swindles, we're still playing the hits, finding new ways to make the worst scams of the 2000s even worse.

That brings me to the American health industry, and the absurdly complex, ridiculously corrupt Pharmacy Benefit Managers (PBMs), a pathology that has only metastasized since 2008.

On at least 20 separate occasions, I have taken it upon myself to figure out how the PBM swindle works, and nevertheless, every time they come up, I have to go back and figure it out again, because PBMs have the most powerful Shield of Boringness out of the whole Monster Manual of terminal-stage capitalism's trash mobs.

PBMs are back in the news because the FTC is now suing the largest of these for their role in ripping off diabetics with sky-high insulin prices. This has kicked off a fresh round of "what the fuck is a PBM, anyway?" explainers of extremely variable quality. Unsurprisingly, the best of these comes from Matt Stoller:

https://www.thebignewsletter.com/p/monopoly-round-up-lina-khan-pharma

Stoller starts by pointing out that Americans have a proud tradition of getting phucked by pharma companies. As far back as the 1950s, Tennessee Senator Estes Kefauver was holding hearings on the scams that pharma companies were using to ensure that Americans paid more for their pills than virtually anyone else in the world.

But since the 2010s, Americans have found themselves paying eye-popping, sky-high, ridiculous drug prices. Eli Lilly's Humolog insulin sold for $21 in 1999; by 2017, the price was $274 – a 1,200% increase! This isn't your grampa's price gouging!

Where do these absurd prices come from? The story starts in the 2000s, when the GW Bush administration encouraged health insurers to create "high deductible" plans, where patients were expected to pay out of pocket for receiving care, until they hit a multi-thousand-dollar threshold, and then their insurance would kick in. Along with "co-pays" and other junk fees, these deductibles were called "cost sharing," and they were sold as a way to prevent the "abuse" of the health care system.

The economists who crafted terminal-stage capitalism's intellectual rationalizations claimed the reason Americans paid so much more for health care than their socialized-medicine using cousins in the rest of the world had nothing to do with the fact that America treats health as a source of profits, while the rest of the world treats health as a human right.

No, the actual root of America's health industry's problems was the moral defects of Americans. Because insured Americans could just go see the doctor whenever they felt like it, they had no incentive to minimize their use of the system. Any time one of these unhinged hypochondriacs got a little sniffle, they could treat themselves to a doctor's visit, enjoying those waiting-room magazines and the pleasure of arranging a sick day with HR, without bearing any of the true costs:

https://pluralistic.net/2021/06/27/the-doctrine-of-moral-hazard/

"Cost sharing" was supposed to create "skin in the game" for every insured American, creating a little pain-point that stung you every time you thought about treating yourself to a luxurious doctor's visit. Now, these payments bit hardest on the poorest workers, because if you're making minimum wage, at $10 co-pay hurts a lot more than it does if you're making six figures. What's more, VPs and the C-suite were offered "gold-plated" plans with low/no deductibles or co-pays, because executives understand the value of a dollar in the way that mere working slobs can't ever hope to comprehend. They can be trusted to only use the doctor when it's truly warranted.

So now you have these high-deductible plans creeping into every workplace. Then along comes Obama and the Affordable Care Act, a compromise that maintains health care as a for-profit enterprise (still not a human right!) but seeks to create universal coverage by requiring every American to buy a plan, requiring insurers to offer plans to every American, and uses public money to subsidize the for-profit health industry to glue it together.

Predictably, the cheapest insurance offered on the Obamacare exchanges – and ultimately, by employers – had sky-high deductibles and co-pays. That way, insurers could pocket a fat public subsidy, offer an "insurance" plan that was cheap enough for even the most marginally employed people to afford, but still offer no coverage until their customers had spent thousands of dollars out-of-pocket in a given year.

That's the background: GWB created high-deductible plans, Obama supercharged them. Keep that in your mind as we go through the MEGO procedures of the PBM sector.

Your insurer has a list of drugs they'll cover, called the "formulary." The formulary also specifies how much the insurance company is willing to pay your pharmacist for these drugs. Creating the formulary and paying pharmacies for dispensing drugs is a lot of tedious work, and insurance outsources this to third parties, called – wait for it – Pharmacy Benefits Managers.

The prices in the formulary the PBM prepares for your insurance company are called the "list prices." These are meant to represent the "sticker price" of the drug, what a pharmacist would charge you if you wandered in off the street with no insurance, but somehow in possession of a valid prescription.

But, as Stoller writes, these "list prices" aren't actually ever charged to anyone. The list price is like the "full price" on the pricetags at a discount furniture place where everything is always "on sale" at 50% off – and whose semi-disposable sofas and balsa-wood dining room chairs are never actually sold at full price.

One theoretical advantage of a PBM is that it can get lower prices because it bargains for all the people in a given insurer's plan. If you're the pharma giant Sanofi and you want your Lantus insulin to be available to any of the people who must use OptumRX's formulary, you have to convince OptumRX to include you in that formulary.

OptumRX – like all PBMs – demands "rebates" from pharma companies if they want to be included in the formulary. On its face, this is similar to the practices of, say, NICE – the UK agency that bargains for medicine on behalf of the NHS, which also bargains with pharma companies for access to everyone in the UK and gets very good deals as a result.

But OptumRX doesn't bargain for a lower list price. They bargain for a bigger rebate. That means that the "price" is still very high, but OptumRX ends up paying a tiny fraction of it, thanks to that rebate. In the OptumRX formulary, Lantus insulin lists for $403. But Sanofi, who make Lantus, rebate $339 of that to OptumRX, leaving just $64 for Lantus.

Here's where the scam hits. Your insurer charges you a deductible based on the list price – $404 – not on the $64 that OptumRX actually pays for your insulin. If you're in a high-deductible plan and you haven't met your cap yet, you're going to pay $404 for your insulin, even though the actual price for it is $64.

Now, you'd think that your insurer would put a stop to this. They chose the PBM, the PBM is ripping off their customers, so it's their job to smack the PBM around and make it cut this shit out. So why would the insurers tolerate this nonsense?

Here's why: the PBMs are divisions of the big health insurance companies. Unitedhealth owns OptumRx; Aetna owns Caremark, and Cigna owns Expressscripts. So it's not the PBM that's ripping you off, it's your own insurance company. They're not just making you pay for drugs that you're supposedly covered for – they're pocketing the deductible you pay for those drugs.

Now, there's one more entity with power over the PBM that you'd hope would step in on your behalf: your boss. After all, your employer is the entity that actually chooses the insurer and negotiates with them on your behalf. Your boss is in the driver's seat; you're just along for the ride.

It would be pretty funny if the answer to this was that the health insurance company bought your employer, too, and so your boss, the PBM and the insurer were all the same guy, busily swapping hats, paying for a call center full of tormented drones who each have three phones on their desks: one labeled "insurer"; the second, "PBM" and the final one "HR."

But no, the insurers haven't bought out the company you work for (yet). Rather, they've bought off your boss – they're sharing kickbacks with your employer for all the deductibles and co-pays you're being suckered into paying. There's so much money (your money) sloshing around in the PBM scamoverse that anytime someone might get in the way of you being ripped off, they just get cut in for a share of the loot.

That is how the PBM scam works: they're fronts for health insurers who exploit the existence of high-deductible plans in order to get huge kickbacks from pharma makers, and massive fees from you. They split the loot with your boss, whose payout goes up when you get screwed harder.

But wait, there's more! After all, Big Pharma isn't some kind of easily pushed-around weakling. They're big. Why don't they push back against these massive rebates? Because they can afford to pay bribes and smaller companies making cheaper drugs can't. Whether it's a little biotech upstart with a cheaper molecule, or a generics maker who's producing drugs at a fraction of the list price, they just don't have the giant cash reserves it takes to buy their way into the PBMs' formularies. Doubtless, the Big Pharma companies would prefer to pay smaller kickbacks, but from Big Pharma's perspective, the optimum amount of bribes extracted by a PBM isn't zero – far from it. For Big Pharma, the optimal number is one cent higher than "the maximum amount of bribes that a smaller company can afford."

The purpose of a system is what it does. The PBM system makes sure that Americans only have access to the most expensive drugs, and that they pay the highest possible prices for them, and this enriches both insurance companies and employers, while protecting the Big Pharma cartel from upstarts.

Which is why the FTC is suing the PBMs for price-fixing. As Stoller points out, they're using their powers under Section 5 of the FTC Act here, which allows them to shut down "unfair methods of competition":

https://pluralistic.net/2023/01/10/the-courage-to-govern/#whos-in-charge

The case will be adjudicated by an administrative law judge, in a process that's much faster than a federal court case. Once the FTC proves that the PBM scam is illegal when applied to insulin, they'll have a much easier time attacking the scam when it comes to every other drug (the insulin scam has just about run its course, with federally mandated $35 insulin coming online, just as a generation of post-insulin diabetes treatments hit the market).

Obviously the PBMs aren't taking this lying down. Cigna/Expressscripts has actually sued the FTC for libel over the market study it conducted, in which the agency described in pitiless, factual detail how Cigna was ripping us all off. The case is being fought by a low-level Reagan-era monster named Rick Rule, whom Stoller characterizes as a guy who "hangs around in bars and picks up lonely multi-national corporations" (!!).

The libel claim is a nonstarter, but it's still wild. It's like one of those movies where they want to show you how bad the cockroaches are, so there's a bit where the exterminator shows up and the roaches form a chorus line and do a kind of Busby Berkeley number:

https://www.46brooklyn.com/news/2024-09-20-the-carlton-report

So here we are: the FTC has set out to euthanize some rentiers, ridding the world of a layer of useless economic middlemen whose sole reason for existing is to make pharmaceuticals as expensive as possible, by colluding with the pharma cartel, the insurance cartel and your boss. This conspiracy exists in plain sight, hidden by the Shield of Boringness. If I've done my job, you now understand how this MEGO scam works – and if you forget all that ten minutes later (as is likely, given the nature of MEGO), that's OK: just remember that this thing is a giant fucking scam, and if you ever need to refresh yourself on the details, you can always re-read this post.

The paperback edition of The Lost Cause, my nationally bestselling, hopeful solarpunk novel is out this month!

If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/09/23/shield-of-boringness/#some-men-rob-you-with-a-fountain-pen

Image: Flying Logos (modified) https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Over_$1,000,000_dollars_in_USD_$100_bill_stacks.png

CC BY-SA 4.0 https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0/deed.en

[felassan]

this post is under a cut in case anyone would consider it to be DA:D spoilers, as the things it mentions came from the leak a year ago (spoiler warning for link) that included screenshots and a gif of the game. (the things this post mentions are therefore not new information and this does not reference a new leak)

I'm just thinking again about Rook (which seems to be the PC's name or title) and the imagery conjured by the name. ◕‿◕ this post is just speculation and overanalyzing for fun. also this post is a now-finished draft from my draft section from a while back.

I think it would work as a surname (like "Hawke") or a codename (think Leliana's spies and contacts such as "Butler", "Farrier", "Butcher", "Charter", etc although these are all professions that end in "-er" or "or" iirc). it could also be a title (like Warden, Hero, Champion, Inquisitor, Herald) or a nickname - like maybe it's short for "Rookie", it's a Varric-assigned nickname and it references how the DA:D PC is the newest member of the team after he recruits them?

I think it sounds catchy, and cool - it's snappy and short, Hawke-like in this way. and it sounds like the kind of name a spy or secret agent might have in a fantasy, superhero or sci-fi-type setting.

a rook is a black bird, Corvus frugilegus, a member of the corvid family. rooks have been perceived as vermin and nuisances by people in the past, and persecuted due to this. they bear a resemblance to their crow and raven relatives, both birds which have a large cultural footprint and lots of symbolism in areas such as folklore and art. Hawke obviously also had a bird motif going on from their surname and associated art pieces. corvids also bring to mind the Antivan Crows (assassins, thieves, & spies), reminding of the stuff about how in this game the PC may be trying to operate under the radar, and the reporting on a previous iteration of DA:D which had the game concept as being focused on spies and heists. rook plumage is inky black, bringing to mind darkness and shadow.

from the bird angle, a "rook" sounds neat opposite a "wolf" imo. wolves are obviously another animal that have large footprints in culture, myth and folklore. in the natural world there is symbiosis sometimes between wolves and corvids when hunting/feeding. there are lots of photos of wolves and corvids together.

a colony of rooks is called a rookery. of course, the fortress of Skyhold has a rookery. it's from there that Inquisition Spymaster Leliana operates (operated) sending her black birds on missions with letters and messages to her many agents and spies throughout Thedas. what if Rook is one of Leliana's... "rooks"? a spy or agent of the remnants of the Inquisition.

A rook is also defined as "A cheat or swindler; someone who betrays" [noun], "mist, fog" [noun] and "to cheat or swindle" [verb]. it's also a type of trick-taking card game. these sorts of things bring to mind a rogueish, stealthy aspect, and the shady, shadowy dealings and card-game played in Minrathous Shadows.

a rook is also a chess piece. they're castle-like (since "rook" can also mean a castle or fortification) and usually have their top in the shape of a battlement. they can move in any direction along a rank or file on a chessboard on which they stand (horizontal/vertical, not diagonal). they can also do the "castling" move. in history, rooks have also been called towers, castles, rectors and marquesses. in chess, each player starts the game with two rooks at opposite ends of the first rank. chess itself is a game of strategy and tactics. "the chessmaster" as a trope is a character type who manipulates events, tugging on strings and moving 'pieces' into place on a metaphorical chessboard. [Solas' DA:I dialogue about his past, like the one he has with Sera about cells of spies/agents, hark to this]

in the castling move,

"Castling is a move in chess. It consists of moving the king two squares toward a rook on the same rank and then moving the rook to the square that the king passed over. Castling is permitted only if neither the king nor the rook has previously moved; the squares between the king and the rook are vacant; and the king does not leave, cross over, or finish on a square attacked by an enemy piece. Castling is the only move in chess in which two pieces are moved at once."

castling rules often cause confusion, even occasionally among high-level players. historically the move has its roots in the "king's leap", of which there were two forms and which arose in part it seems due to increasing importance of king safety as other pieces were given increased powers through time as the game developed. "the king would move once like a knight, or the king would move two squares on its first move. The knight move might be used early in the game to get the king to safety or later in the game to escape a threat." basically it moves the king away to safety and the rook to a more active position. there is also kingside castling and queenside castling. I wonder, symbolically.. is Rook more the king's rook, or the queen's rook? (reminds me of the Left Hand and Right Hands of the Divine hh). who or what is the king in this hypothetical analogy? the World of Thedas itself? as a castle or fortress.. Rook is the bulwark against what's to come? [over-thinking ik ik, tis just for fun hh].

by now we're all familiar with the chess game Solas plays in banter dialogue with Iron Bull during DA:I. in the in-world chess game, rooks are called towers. Solas moves his right-hand tower once. at a later point in the game, Iron Bull's "Arishok" piece takes Solas' left-hand tower, getting a check and leaving him feeling triumphant. Bull asks Solas wth he is doing as Bull takes Solas' remaining tower. "Your last tower, by the way". Bull, a spy and liar himself, bears down on Solas' pieces "with his full army", thinking a win is in sight. Undeterred, Solas executes a few moves in a sneaky plan and entraps Bull in a checkmate, winning the game after sacrificing various pieces to enact his plan.

rook also brings to mind the Tower tarot card and its meanings. it's associated with sudden, disruptive revelation and potentially destructive change. it connotes danger, crisis, sudden change, destruction, higher learning, and liberation, as well as adversity, calamity, deception, ruin and unforeseen catastrophe. reversed, it connotes things such as negligence, carelessness, apathy and vanity (vanity.. pride). in this depiction of the Tower tarot, lightning strikes from the sky, striking a crown (hubris) off the top of a tower and setting it alight as people fall from the tower to their doom. this imagery and the upright meanings of the card bring to mind the sudden massive change Solas seeks to bring about (destroying the Veil), the revelations and liberation for some that it might bring, his identity as Fen'Harel Lord of Tricksters (deception) as well as the destruction he seems to think the Veil destroying action will cause ("as the world burns in the raw chaos"...). the 'Tower scene' has also already played out once before in Thedosian history, when Solas created the Veil and sealed the Evanuris away, leading to the fall of Arlathan and its wonders. in modern Thedas, Morrigan and Flemeth (as well as possibly some side 'prophecy' type things) both allude to a big change coming to the world.

in DA:I, the Tower tarot card is ofc none other than Solas' ending card, if he is not romanced. in the DA:I version of the card, we see Solas, cloaked in a dark robe and holding a mage staff under a half-moon or eclipse. darkness seeps from his shadow, stark against the orange sky, and blends with the giant black Dread Wolf, looming ominously and open-mouthed above him with its many eyes. (the Tower tarot card Solas scene is later referenced in DA:D promotional art and DA:D-era in-world murals). it makes sense to have assigned this to Solas given the above discussed meanings of the Tower tarot card, but it's a verrry inchresting choice imo to then give "Rook" as a name/title for the DA:D PC.

and most inchrestingly, there's the symbol from the front of Mark Darrah's mysterious Red Book. this mysterious red book shows "a flaming rook" on the cover. the book was an internal guide for developer and publisher eyes only that summarized the vision for DA:D, in its Joplin iteration. we know that the Joplin project has since been revised to an extent that it was the newly codenamed Morrison instead, but the red book is known to still contain plenty of ideas likely to appear in DA:D. most pages of the book remain highly classified. it's the symbol on the front that's of most interest to us though for the purposes of this post. there is a castle, tower, or rook, like a fortress or the chess piece. above the tower, a fire burns, reminding us of the burning tower from the Tower tarot card imagery and what that symbolizes, as well as Solas' "world burning in the raw chaos" line from Trespasser. inside the fire is a wolf, the Dread Wolf, in a now very-familiar and repeated motif in DA:D art, merch, murals, teasers etc. whatever else "rook" may connote, it feels like it's not an accident at all that the PC's name is apparently "Rook", given this depiction of a fiery rook and the Dread Wolf together.

what do you think? ^^

[rayslittlekitten]

Longest Nights

A/N: Okay, this isn't perfect but I think it mostly captures what I was going for. I'm done working on this. I've listened to "Last Christmas" by Ariana Grande on loop for literally the last like 8 hours trying to finish this. It's weirdly the song that inspired this (YT link below). This isn't the first Kai fic I thought I'd finish but here we are. Kai had already broke my heart so this fic is just me jamming the knife even deeper and twisting it. This fic is spoiler free.

Rating: T/M

Word Count: ~1.3k

Pairing: Kai x Pilot! F! Reader

Plot: When you run into your crush who you have a working relationship with on the loneliest night of the year, you find comfort in him.

Contains: mentions of sex, heartache, Kai is a warning in itself

It’s that time of year again, the shortest day and longest night, where all the travelers go home to be with their families and loved ones to celebrate the Winter Solstice. You don’t know the origin of the holiday but it’s celebrated universally. Traditions may vary from culture to culture but usually children get presents for being well-behaved all year and families gather around to sing and dance. 

But where do the ones with no family go? The same place where you are right now, seated on the stool at the bar in this saloon. The orphans, the loners, the outcasts. This is their home and it has been yours as well for the last few years. It can get lonely this time of year making the longest night seem even longer, but at least you’re not doing it alone.

While working on your third pint, a familiar voice behind you draws your attention. You slowly turn around to take a glance and as expected, you see him. He has his arm around a woman’s shoulder and they look cozy as they walk across the saloon. Probably a mark, but with Kai, you never know until it’s too late.

Your eyes follow them as they seat themselves at the other end of the bar. He leans in and whispers something into her ear and she giggles with her hand over her chest. She is definitely getting something stolen tonight, whether it’s the big shiny ring on her hand or her heart. You would know first hand.

When you finished off your ale, you sensed a presence next to you. Before you could order another pint, they ordered it for you as well as one for themselves, sliding a few coins to the bartender.

“Oh, hey Kai. You don’t need to-” you started, but he cut you off.

“Don’t worry about it. I got a bigger payout from my last job than I expected,” he waved his ringed hand to dismiss you. “Besides, I owe you one.”

Kai brought his freshly-poured pint up to clink with yours before taking a large gulp.

Last time, he tried to swindle a swindler and he almost had it but when they caught on, Kai would have lost his head if you hadn’t happened to be there to back him up. He’s always getting himself into all sorts of trouble for a shilling, but he’s usually smart about it. Once in a while, he just liked to do it for the challenge.

“It’s nothing,” you shrugged after taking a sip of your own ale. “I’m sure you would have done the same for me.”

You noticed the mischievous smirk forming on his face, flashing his shiny teeth. The precious metals in his mouth brightens his smile. Your gaze moved up and you’re suddenly lost in his bright blue eyes. It wouldn’t be your first time.

“So what are you doing here by yourself on a night like this? Shouldn’t you be with that bounty hunting fellow you’ve been planet-hopping with?” Kai asked curiously.

“You mean Jaxson? We’re not together anymore,” you told him, then took another sip of your drink, looking away from him in embarrassment.

“Well, that’s too bad for him. You’re a great person to have around,” he commented.

“Thanks, Kai. Guess he didn’t think so,” you threw him a tight-lipped smile. “He found somebody more suited for him at the brothel.”

“Eh, screw Jaxson! I never trust bounty hunters,” he replied. “Especially ones who can’t even see the value of someone.”

His crystal clear eyes met yours again and he winked. You felt your cheeks quickly heating up and it’s not from the ale. Kai was very charming and charismatic which is why he’s great at what he does and you’re not immune from it even knowing this. His accent certainly adds to it.

“Enough about that scoundrel. How’s business going, by the way?” he asked, changing the subject.

Kai would sometimes outsource jobs to you when he wasn’t able to do them himself and would take a small percentage of the payout as a finder’s fee. You never knew what you were transporting but you always took the job. It wasn’t just for the money; any opportunity to spend time with Kai was enough of a reason.

“Not many people have needed things transported lately, believe it or not. Might have to find other ways to earn if this keeps up. Fuel is not cheap.”

Kai leaned into you, his shoulder pressed right up against yours and his face mere inches away from yours.

“You know, I heard on Veldt, the farmers have this belief that making a lot of loud and passionate love appeases their god and will make their soil fertile so they will have an abundance of crops,” he started. 

“Interesting,” you commented, wondering where he’s going with this.

“Maybe it might work in the same way. Abundance of transportation needs,” he shrugged.

You let out a chortle, nearly choking on your ale. 

“Kai, that has to be the silliest thing I’ve ever heard,” you replied while wiping the corners of your mouth.

“It might be, but it made you laugh,” he said. “Has anyone ever told you how cute your laugh is?”

Your face got hot again as the corners of your lips curled up and you tried to hide your face in your shoulder. That handsome smile made an appearance again and there’s a twinkle in his eyes. He scanned your face before settling on your lips and leaning in even closer.

“Interested in appeasing the gods tonight?”

You let out a small laugh but stared at him for a few moments when his facial expression didn’t change. When his hooded eyes found yours again, your breath hitched.

***

The next morning, you found yourself alone in the bed of the room you both rented out for the night at a nearby inn. You scanned the room and there was no sign of Kai. It was as if he never stepped foot in here. The soreness between your legs is the only proof you had, that you hadn’t dreamt it. 

You had lost count of how many times he made you climax, but that wasn’t even the best part of it. It was the most intimate and passionate love making you had ever experienced. He said and did things that made you feel like the only person that existed in this universe. He took his time with you, worshiped you, and left no part of your body untouched. He made your body react in ways you didn’t ever think was possible. You opened up to him and shared parts of yourself that you hadn’t shared with anyone else, as it seemed like he did with you. 

Admittedly, you were in a vulnerable place, but it didn’t take away from what had manifested last night. You then suddenly checked all your belongings to make sure they were all there. After thoroughly searching, you found something that didn’t belong to you: one of Kai’s rings. You sighed in relief to confirm Kai didn’t steal anything from you, but it still felt like something was missing.

A few days later, you ran into him, although you didn’t know if it was by chance or it was by his design because he was in need of your services again. You returned his ring which he thanked you for, but things went on like nothing had ever happened between you. You had thought there was a connection. He had never brought up that night to you so you didn’t either, especially seeing him with another woman that day. You didn’t want to make things awkward.

You quickly finish your drink and tip the bartender as you gather your belongings. From your peripheral vision, you see the woman throw a drink onto Kai’s face before stomping out the swinging doors. You can’t help but smirk, but you hide it from him. You glance over at him for a quick moment as he wipes his face before finally heading out yourself. The last thing you need is for him to drown you in his eyes again. 

[bigsurlor]

cowboy like me by taylor swift, my interpretation and analysis

And the tennis court was covered up with some tent-like thing

Beginning with "and", it is important to note that we start our story in medias res, or in the middle of the narrative. Also that it begins in past tense, giving the audience the story of how our narrator got to the present, why they're "never gonna love again".

On expensive properties, the tennis courts are often located near or next to the gardens which makes a lovely venue, for both parties and weddings, once a marquee is placed on top. Given the "tent-like thing" covering the tennis courts and our narrator's habits of swindling rich people, both a party or wedding is the likely setting.

This opening line not only helps to set the scene of this event, but gives the listener the first insight into the character of the narrator. Of course this swindler would not know the name of this "tent-like thing", nor do they care to find out. They are there for one thing: conning old rich people.

It is also important to note that the narrator is seemingly uninterested and generally less than impressed.

And you asked me to dance, but I said, "dancing is a dangerous game"

This line paired with the last not only helps to set the scene of this event but also invokes imagery as well. Dancing typically requires a dance floor, so it is reinforced that our narrator likely is at a wedding (interesting note for later) or party.

I think dancing in this sense is to be taken both literally and metaphorically. Dancing as in becoming closer with another, the forming of a new relationship. So, this other person wants to become closer or more intimate, but our narrator knows and recognizes that doing so breaks into precarious territory, it becomes a "dangerous game". We'll come back to that.

Dancing with a partner is an activity that requires closeness, vulnerability, and an intimacy of sorts. It is moving in a way that is almost co-dependent. Every single thing you do will affect your partner in such a visceral physical and emotional way. Which makes it all the more interesting our narrator chooses to describe dancing as a dangerous game. We all know, games are a type of play or sport often between two people, a back and forth, using both skill and intelligence… which is kind of the opposite of the mindset to be in while dancing and outlook to have on it. Dancing is a partnership.

I believe this line is also an allusion to the short story, The Most Dangerous Game. Spoilers if you haven't read, but it is a story of the hunted and the hunter, one in which the hunter's barbaric game was twisted and turned against himself. The ultimate twist of fate, and the joke was inevitably on him. The "most dangerous game" occurs from the human ability to reason, it was a test of the mind. It was the protagonist's ability to ultimately stop running, to halt his prey behavior, and instead strategize, to outsmart his hunter that led to his safety. We know hunters for Taylor represent the public ("they are the hunters, we are the foxes", I Know Places) ("these hunters with cell phones", the lakes), so I would keep that in mind. For this person to dance with our narrator, it would put them both in a dangerous game, perhaps the most dangerous one.

Oh, I thought, 'this is gonna be one of those things'

To me, this is a double meaning lyric. "One of those things," being just another fling. Someone who comes and passes you by all the same, over before it really even started. But also, "one of those things," such as in reference to a bad or unfortunate event that could happen to anyone (ex: I missed my train, so I had to catch the next one. It was just one of those things, I guess.)

Now I know I'm never gonna love again

Note: alternating between past to present tense

At this point in the song, it is unclear in which way the narrator means this. Are they never going to love again out of the sheer heartbreak from meeting their match and someone who was able to deceive them in the ways they've deceived so many others, or because they will never find another and will love this one lover forever? Let's continue.

I've got some tricks up my sleeves

To have a trick up your sleeve is to have a secret plan, idea, or advantage that one keeps and can utilize when the time is right.

This line adds further characterization to the narrator. They aren't necessarily upfront or honest, they may use certain things to their own advantage. They are a swindler and bandit, after all.

This line also draws certain imagery to mind, like a magician doings tricks, pulling things from their sleeve to fool people. This imagery is important to keep in mind.

Parallels So It Goes...: "See you in the dark / All eyes on you, my magician / All eyes on us" and "All eyes on me, your illusionist / All eyes on us"

Takes one to know one

This phrase is an idiom meaning that it takes one specific type of person to be able to recognize that same type of person elsewhere. It is usually used to describe a trait so central to their personality that it sticks out very clearly to others with the same traits.

I believe this line functions as a double meaning. It gives some insight into the other person, letting us know that this person too is a con artist. They are a swindler like our narrator. But also, this line of thinking can also easily translate to a queerness "gaydar", or the queer community's ability to sense and pick up on subtle signs that another person is queer themselves.

You're a cowboy like me

This line tells the listener so much, but especially in regards to giving more insight into the characters of our narrator and their love interest. Cowboys are symbols of independence, isolation, and often lawlessness. They may always come into town, but they'll always leave it as well. They're hustlers, sometimes cheats, can be the best con artists, but ultimately, they're just trying to survive.

Cowboys have also long been a symbol for the queer community. Often preferring a "buddy" over a wife, building a closeness, homoerotic admiration, and level of intimacy much like with romantic relationships, historians do consider many cowboys to have been gay. Hollywood has even taken to this, with movies such as Brokeback Mountain (starring Jake Gyllenhaal and Heath Ledger). Make a mental note of that movie for later.

Another correlation I considered between cowboys and queerness is the lawlessness cowboys are often known for and the struggle for the legality of queerness.

Quick note: who remembers when WMagazine released their "Cowboy Karlie" photoshoot on July 2, 2018 and then eight days later Harpers Bazaar released their photoshoot of Taylor in which she's wearing the same dress from Givenchy's Fall 2018 collection?

Never wanted love, just a fancy car

Love and affection were never the ambitions or priorities of this narrator. It was success, money, all the fancy cars that drove them. Their focus has always been on hustling, which is what makes this next verse even more compelling. Look at the dichotomy of who this hard cowboy once was compared to who their love has transformed them into in this next line.

(For more reference of this dichotomy, we can view the parallels this has with King of My Heart: "Cause all the boys and their expensive cars / With their Range Rovers and Jaguars / Never took me quite where you do", "The taste of your lips is my idea of luxury", and "Say you fancy me, not fancy stuff".)

Now I'm waiting by the phone like I'm sitting in an airport bar

Our narrator using sitting in the airport bar as a simile for waiting by the phone fits so much into the characterization already previously established. Airports are a place where no one really stays or lingers too long, every person is just traveling through, stopping for a moment, but going onto their next destination much like a cowboy passing and traveling through towns.

While waiting at an airport bar, one is typically dealing with a lot of big emotions: feeling nervous about the flight ahead, having all types of thoughts swirling in your head while you anxiously await your drink. This is how our narrator feels while waiting to hear back from this person. Their hard exterior has broken down, priorities are starting to shift: they're beginning to realize they may have found love.

You had some tricks up your sleeves

Takes one to know one

You're a cowboy like me

Notice: past tense on "had". You had some tricks up your sleeves. You used to. This person is a cowboy, a bandit, a magician like our narrator (recall So It Goes...), but the tricks to take advantage of another are all past tense now that they are with their match, they are no more. Keep in mind as we move forward: our narrator has repeatedly expressed that these two are one in the same.

And now let's take a look at the "Kowboy Karlie" campaign Karlie did for Tamara Mellon in July of 2014:

Perched in the dark

Taylor's use of diction is so important and the word choice here, perched, draws such specific imagery and feelings within. Being perched on an object is to sit high above and is most often used and associated with birds.

This is yet another lyric I think has a double meaning. In a sense, it is metaphorical like an owl sitting high up and waiting for the perfect moment to swoop down to strike and kill, or looking for people to gain from or take advantage of. Yet also, its literal meaning can be taken as well. The narrator feels they are sitting high above everyone, hidden away in the dark as opposed to living in the daylight that is truthfulness and love. I could imagine it would feel such a way to be both a celebrity and closeted.

This lyric also brings to mind lines from tracks off reputation ("See you in the dark" ; "Gold cage, hostage to my feelings", So It Goes...) and folklore ("Living in a gold age, sneaking into my bird cage", Cardigan original lyrics).

telling all the rich folks anything they wanna hear, like it could be love

Like and could are the keys word here. It is like it could be love, they could love this person, it could be a possibility. Not a certainty.

This lyric aligns with our current understanding and characterization of the narrator: a swindler. It gives us more information though, and makes it likely to assume this was our narrator's intent at the party/wedding they met their true love at.

Being one line with, "perched in the dark', a metaphor for closeting, this reads as bearding and PR contracts.

I could be the way forward, only if they pay for it

They could be the rich folks way forward, what propels them, what benefits them, their answer, but only if they pay for it.

Given the money-seeking bandit we know our narrator to be, I interpret this instance of paying for it to be literally, to be physically paying in cash or some sort of monetary/status exchange. This brings to mind business exchanges/deals in regards to love: setting up relationships, potentially fake ones.

Being hidden in the dark high above, lying to rich folks about potentially being able to be someone's love and their way forward in life (because of who they are), but only if they will pay for it, paints the image yet again of a celebrity that is closeted and making contracts for both PR relationships and bearding. 

What's also interesting is how often we have been reminded that the narrator's love is just like our narrator, which poses the questions: Are they lying to old rich people as well? Faking love to them as well? It's likely, so keep that in mind.

You're a bandit like me

There is strong diction with this lyric again, it invokes quite a bit of imagery as well. The word bandit sticks out, it's one that you hold onto.

This line, like many others, is giving further characterization and yet again reiterating that these two are the same.

A bandit is a robber, an outlaw, echoing what it means to be a cowboy.

eyes full of stars

Stars often serve as symbols of both hope and destiny throughout literature. Think Shakespeare's Julius Caesar: "The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars." The meaning of Shakespeare's phrase, in short, is that the fault was not with fate (or in their stars) but in their actions as humans.

It is so interesting to see the ways in which our narrator has changed over the course of this song, this line being one of the main displays. This cowboy never thought they could settle down, just traveling town to town, building no true connections, only swindling, Now they're starting to feel hopeful, starting to see a future and a life they likely never could see before. They are no longer the disinterested, apathetic person we met in the opening line.

Hustling for the good life, never thought I'd meet you here

Hustling in this context means to obtain by illicit action, swindling, cheating, but also working hard and doing so by focusing only on success.

The narrator never thought they would meet their match, never thought there would or even could be someone just like them. Not only that, but there, at the exact same place, doing the exact same thing.

It could be love

No more like. With this person, it is not like it could be love. It just could be love. Despite being almost the same phrase, this one carries much different meaning. The narrator has met their match, they're dreaming of a future with them now, but they're still this cowboy, the same old con artist that we know. They were just anxiously waiting by the phone, they're still hesitant on accepting this person and letting them in, but they're beginning to recognize… this could be love… ("Is this the end of all the endings?", King of My Heart)

We could be the way forward and I know I'll pay for it

We! No you, no I, it is now we. You and I together, we could be the way forward.

Not the way forward as in before, not propelling someone else to get the means the narrator desires. No more hiding in the dark either.

Together, they could be this incredible change, this way forward. They could pave the way in the industry, help break the chains of fellow queer people, but this narrator will pay and suffer the consequences of it. They are surely to face the backlash that comes from paving a new way forward.

The key word here is still could. They could be the way forward. But will they?

And the skeletons in both our closets plotted hard to fuck this up

This lyric has a double meaning. The first being, their past sins build and compound with one another, making this relationship difficult to continue and carry on. They are both cowboys with a history of conning, after all. The second being, the evidence of their queerness with past lovers combined makes staying closeted and having this secret relationship together hard.

And the old men that I've swindled really did believe I was the one

This line is quite straightforward I believe, adding more characterization to our narrator and showing how truly skilled they are at deception. 

It also brings to mind a lyric from Don't Blame Me: "I've been breakin hearts a long time and toyin with them older guys, just playthings for me to use."

And the ladies lunching have their stories about when you passed through town

This other person is truly one in the same with our narrator, a cowboy just passing through town, causing ruckus, and leaving the ladies lunching with stories to tell of them.

but that was all before

 I locked it down

The way this line ("but that was all before") is written, it is connected to the previous lyric and simultaneously both connected and separated from the next. The swindling of old men, the stories from the ladies lunching happened, yes, "But that was all before", all before our narrator locked it down. Before they entered this relationship, before they kept it secure.

Note: Locked it down? Like "love locked down"...?

2014:

2015:

2016:

Now you hang from my lips like the Gardens of Babylon

The Hanging Gardens of Babylon are known to have been an incredible feat of engineering and considered to have been an overwhelmingly beautiful place. People traveled far and wide to witness it in its glory. They are a part of the Seven Wonders of the Ancient World, but yet no archeological evidence can be found to prove its existence.

This phrase also brings to mind the act of "hanging onto every word" a person says, which I would say is a similar process to a fan attempting to analyze the words and lyrics of the person they admire.

So, this person hangs from her lips–she speaks these beautiful words of them, love song after love song flows from her about them, they are a constant. In the same ways this lover hangs from her lips, others (perhaps those hunters, if you remember) hang onto the contents that flow from them, but despite this, they cannot find this love, may not even believe in it, for there is no evidence to prove its existence.

This parallels something Taylor said in the reputation prologue: "When this album comes out, gossip blogs will scour the lyrics for the men they can attribute to each song, as if the inspiration for music is as simple and basic as a paternity test. There will be slideshows of photos backing up each incorrect theory because it's 2017 and if you didn't see a picture of it, it couldn't have happened, right? Let me say it again, louder for those in the back… We think we know someone, but the truth is that we only know the version of them they have chosen to show us. There will be no further explanation. There will just be reputation."

With your boots beneath my bed, forever is the sweetest con

Boots being beneath the bed is yet another double meaning. The phrase 'boots under the bed' and its variants is slang to refer to a sexual relationship, though especially an adulterous one. And then there is the direct, literal meaning:

With their lover's boots beneath their bed, tucked in and fast asleep at night, out of all their trickery and deception, out of any con, their forever together is the sweetest con of them all.

How could this be? How could their forever be a con? Let's recall the prior line about the Gardens of Babylon and all the way from the beginning, The Most Dangerous Game. Think of the necessity that exists to outwit these hunters to survive once one decides to jump into the fishbowl with our narrator. And outwit them, our narrator and their love did. ("Your love is a secret I'm hoping, dreaming, dying to keep", King of My Heart)

Side note 1: Taylor released the 'forever is the sweetest con' chapter on January 28, 2021: National Daisy Day.

Side note 2: Karlie Kloss included multiple charms of cowboy boots and hats on the friendship bracelets she purchased for her Eras concert in Los Angeles on 8/9.

I've had some tricks up my sleeves

Takes one to know one

You're a cowboy like me

Yet again our narrator is reminding us of the tricks they have had, maybe potentially even used on us as the listener (as hinted in the previous line). At this point in the song, our narrator is fully resigned. They know for a fact that they have met their match, their love is indeed just like them. They have found each other in the most unlikely world and through the most unlikely events, but found each other nonetheless.

Note: Remember that mental note of the gay cowboy movie, Brokeback Mountain? Bring it to the forefront now, because in June of 2019, Karlie Kloss and Joshua Kushner had their second wedding ceremony. And how did Derek Blasberg, Karlie's long-term best friend and chosen family, choose to describe the theme? As a crossover with Brokeback Mountain.

He went on to say via Twitter:

And I'm never gonna love again

I'm never gonna love again

I'm never gonna love again

At the resolve of the song, we finally have our answer. We know how the pair met, we followed their story; we finally know why our narrator is never going to love again. Despite thinking that this would just be yet another soul-crushing fling that ended before it began, the narrator now knows that they have met their person, that they are one in the same, that they are able see a future for themselves for the first time, that they've experienced a true transformation ("I once was poison ivy but now I'm your daisy", Don't Blame Me), and because of this, they know that they will never love another person again. It was "the end of all the endings" (King of My Heart). They've already found the one, and in that, despite a lifetime of conning, together created their greatest trick of all. And together, the cowboys will continue in their tricks, but not to each other, no, instead with each other. This is no longer a road for the lone traveler, but one that it is nice to have a friend on.

I do think these last lines, though, also have a double meaning. After all, throughout the course of the song, we have followed two narratives: the story of our narrator and their love, and the one in which our narrator is conning rich business folk. I think that while the final line is a recognition that they will never love another person other than their lover, it is also a statement to these business deals and exchanges in regards to 'love': they're done with them. With forever as their sweetest con, our narrator is never going to love again, at least in the public eye, unless they decide with their love that together they will be the way forward.

Ending note: I love, support, and wish all the happiness in the world to these two cowboys, regardless of their choice. Whether they are the way forward, whether they continue in their cons, either way, I will be here and thankful that they have chosen to share with us what they have, as it is truly the century's most beautiful and captivating love story.

One last note: I LOOOVE the way Taylor uses assonance and consonance throughout the song, giving the illusion of rhyming which is much like the swindler's behavior in this story.

[hystericfae]

okay you know those headcanon things like "every character represents a mental illness" like twilight sparkle is OCD and SpongeBob is ADHD......what if, akudama drive mental illness headcanons.. what are we giving swindle- actually I feel like we've discussed this once before and I forgot—

I feel like Swindler would be uhm....yeah I think we did-? I'd honestly give her ADHD based on ............well I'd have to really think but for some reason she strikes me as someone who's a little unorganized, falls asleep in classes or other things...loses track of time -? Or maybe anxiety? Of some sort..?

[arkhamjack]

Thank you everyone for the reblogs on my "how some of the fandom sees wolfwood vs how I see him" lol I wanted to continue the conversation bc I am very annoying about this stuff and it grosses me out bc I am sensitive or whatever but um yeah 🤓

It's pretty long so TL;DR stop being weird about Wolfwood thanks 👍

I'll talking about objectification, hypersexualisation, and prejudice so a warning I guess --->

The Gaze has been working overtime on Wolfwood's ass (and tits) and it's making me a little nuts. This is not to say his character cannot be presented in a sexy way, or that he cannot perform sexuality without being problematic, it's just... ask yourself: why.

It can be subconscious, you might not even notice it, but media tropes have a way of worming into people's brains to be regurgitated into fan art, especially if the character presents or is coded marginalised in a way you are not. (I do it too!)

It starts from young. I had an adult call me a "hot head Latina" as a child LMAO (I am not even Latin)

Characters and actors that looked like me were worked into typically these roles - If feminine, desired, sexy but crazy, dangerous. If masculine, similarly sexual, either hot or ugly, suspicious.

I feel silly and attention-seeking for speaking up about this kind of stuff, especially as I feel I'm not in a place to cry 'racism' specifically because I'm more 'ethnic' than POC.

I'm a Balkan mongrel - Greek, bits from Turkey, Albania, and fuck knows what else. I've always kept my head down about people being weird to me but it comes to a point like the point of a classmate comparing my hair to an animal's, where I feel I gotta go "ok yeah lets unpack that."

Now about Wolfwood, he's our classic racially/ethnically ambiguous smoky sexy guy. Particularly in the 98 anime, he's pretty bosomy. He's a struggler - swindling Gunsmoke with his charm and portable confessional. This swindler trope, I've observed, tends to go hand in hand with 'suspicious immigrant out for your money'. Again, maybe I've pulled that out my ass and I'm being oversensitive, but I notice things. Tastes left in my mouth. Anyway. Brings to mind the time some other classmate jokingly called me a 'hustler' for *checks notes* making sure my work is submitted on time.??

Now on the subject of NSFW fanart... oh boy I am so uncomfy writing this... I rarely see him depicted.. receiving. You can place the issues here pretty easily. Give him a break. Please. Also I did note this on my original post and also completely my own opinion but PLEASE that man is not bigger than Vash, and I don't mean like not taller, like, thiccer. Calm the fuck down.

I hate having to write this bc it makes me uncomfy and reflects my own experiences of objectification by other people which sounds all very "oh noo its sooo hard being attractive :'((" but I trust y'all smart enough to see where I'm coming from.

The gaze. Othering. Marginalised masculinity (not to mention my intersecting trans identity thats a whole other unrelated convo). Hypersexualisation. Objectification.

But back to Wolfwood!! - are these tropes perpetuated by the original creator? Personally, I don't think so. (Wolfwood's design is based off a Japanese guy btw - musician Tortoise Matsumoto) The 98 anime? Maybe?? Am I reading too much into it? It's hard not to - naturally I'll latch onto the ambiguous guy and go "alright let's see how they do this" so naturally certain things stand out to me.

But when some of that fanart starts rolling out ... Jesus Christ ... MY EYES

On the flipside, I've seen great fanart out there! And I've seen quite a few Latino headcanons for Wolfwood too!(like I mentioned before I am not Latin, I am also not American in general I am a filthy freak Australian with our own colonial racist histories and intricacies) (There is also Latin diaspora here but I don't wanna speak for anyone aaaah)

I'd like to think most of the fandom is cool about him. But um. Yeah.

I said what I said but if I did say anything out of line I am so sorry and PLEASE let me know - I am using my own experiences as reference and acknowledge the intricacies my own privilege

Yap session over 👍

[kirbybecomesastarwarrior]

To Lady Celestine, from Magopon

Bonjour, I suppose? I don’t really think I know you yet so.. I was wondering, why not do an info exchange with each other I guess. Though I do know about you and Arthur. I do think it’s cute. So my barrage of questions starts now. First question, how did you get to know each other? Second, what is your favorite misadventure? Third, what do you like about Arthur, don’t think that I can’t see you two being lovey dovey. Well, I suppose I should keep my end. Things to know about me: I was the feared (yet cute) ogre of Kitakami. Next, uh let’s see, umm… Oh! I’m with Meta! And um, probably the easiest to provoke within my group I suppose. Well that’s all, I guess. Signing out, Magolor! -Magolor/Ogerpon

Such wonderful questions~

They don't deserve merely simple answers, how about a story instead

Truth be told my acts of vigilantism weren't for the fame or the glory... it was to atone what had happened to Shiver Star. Had I not told Absolum & Uther my vision...

Shiver Star wouldn't have had an... even worse fate than I had originally seen... Then I started to question everything... I had come to find out that all my visions of warning were ignored (by other Heroes of Yore & the Ancients) unless there was a benefit to them.

They didn't care about people who suffered from their acts, unlike them, I could see them... I could feel their pain too... I couldn't help but think that I had made everyone's life worse...

Until one day I just had enough.... I was done crying over my mistakes... I had to do something!

So the moment Triple Star was created I vowed I'd make up for all the damage I did with my visions. I'd "my future sight" to hunt down Nightmares monsters before they'd even had the chance to do any harm. I'd use my magic & alchemy to fix all the damage the GSA did to civilian planets.

(Basically, she did the same thing of what Edward did here but in secret)

But I will admit I did have my own little fun when I was out there as well...played a practical joke here or there swindled some swindlers... unleashed a hoard of flying pigs every time I played a prank but you get the idea.

My actions did go unnoticed... people could tell that someone in the night was fixing their homes & cities. Someone was taking out the monster even before Uther's soldiers (and Sir Uther didn't like that.) All they knew was a mysterious old mage wearing a blue cloak was helping them.

The people were starting to rely on me... I didn't want that to happen.

I wanted to stay anonymous but with how things were going to be difficult to hide myself for very long... there was another problem I was not long for the world

But that was around when I got Kirby's prediction.

There was a glimmer of hope left in the galaxy... Nightmare terror against the galaxy would end along with the Ancients & Uther's reign would end however there was a catch...

For those of you who haven't read (The Wart of Them All)

My visions were vague in nature but this one carried the most uncertainty.... I had no idea what wild goose chase this vision was leading me on... especially after I saw all my options...

I just needed to find the match; it didn't tell me how they fit into Kirby's prediction, nor what role they played in all this. But I did know this... I WAS NOT GOING TO MAKE THE SAME MISTAKE AGAIN AND TRUST ANYONE WITH MY KNOWLEDGE!

I needed to exhaust every avenue and be sure I was making the right choice... So I had to reveal myself to them as "Merlyn."

Actually, I didn't name myself Merlyn just yet... that'll have to come up in the next part.

To be continued~

Prev. ((The Wart of Them All) -

Next. ("The Start of Something Great")

@kirbyoctournament

Shoutout to @poyoofthestars Thank you so much for giving me such a great question it gives me all the power to lore dump!

I know what it looks like I did this on purpose: (For you those of you who aren't familiar with the Pokemon games: at the start of your journey you are given three choices as you're starter )

Basically, what Celestine was doing was choosing "the right starter Pokemon... to kick start Kirby's journey." But the main difference is that if she chooses the wrong one the galaxy is royally screwed! OUR GIRL WAS UNDER A LOT OF PRESSURE

Also, another fun lore dump Celestine never actually called herself Merlyn... it was actually Arthur who accidentally named her Merlyn.

Hope you guys enjoyed it see you in the next part.

[whatsitzface]

THE MAN WITH THE PLAN!!!!!

[if-you-fan-a-fire]

"Drury Lacks Cash For Bail," Border Cities Star. October 24, 1933. Page 16. --- Former Texas Oil Baron, Charged in London, Can't Raise $10,000 ---- LONDON, Ont., Oct. 24. - An oil baron a few years ago, Cyrus H. Drury, former Texas "big shot," apparently cannot raise $10,000 today to free himself on bail, on a charge of defrauding a Middlesex farmer.

Drury, who has been confined in the prisoners' cage at Victoria Hospital, since he was brought to the city a few weeks ago, was given another remand yesterday at an impromptu police court held in the hospital by County Magistrate C. W. Hawkshaw.

Crown Attorney A. M. Judd, K.C., and Howard Cluff, defense counsel, were present at the hearing.

Drury is alleged to have sold hundreds of thousands of dollars of worthless oil stock to wealthy farmers in Western Ontario, and it is expected he will face a number of charges when he is well enough to appear in court.

The one-time oil millionaire has been an invalid for the past few years. He was arrested by provincial police at Windsor, after being deported to Canada, on the completion of a term he served in a southern penitentiary in the United States.

[singingcicadas]

Why are Autobots just as bad as the Decepticons?

Why? Some people seem to be under this impression that the Autobots have some kind of original sin that makes their cause morally inferior to that of the Decepticon 'revolutionists', for Reasons:

1. Autobots are bad because they were part of the old oppressive government.

Okay but it was literally Optimus who came up with the name, when he stormed the Senate demanding for autonomy? Sentinel took it for his own use. Optimus was a fugitive under Sentinel. He was doing vigilante work against the government. 

2. But Optimus was a cop and served Zeta. Cops are bad and Zeta was bad so Optimus was just as bad. 

Well Optimus only worked with Zeta because Zeta hid his true colours at first and seemed a decent progressive guy. He and Megatron killed Zeta when that turned out not to be the case, thus ending the oppression of the old government. 

What did he do as a cop that’s so unforgivable, besides the occupation itself? He wasn’t making political arrests for the government (he treated Megatron with respect and lauded his polemics, he sided with rebel bomb planter Hot Rod) or persecuting people based on their class or function. He threw the cops who did that in jail (sorry Whirl), he got help for the people on the streets instead of arresting them as per government protocol (Drift). The only arrests he was shown to make were either thugs harassing defenceless citizens (the guys beating up Drift), illegal drug and arms dealers (Swindle), murderers, and terrorists. Notice how they’re all Decepticons. Because that’s what the Decepticons were to Cybertron’s society.

— Like it's important to note that there's never been a sweet point in Decepticon history where they were true upright freedom fighters, dedicated to nothing but emancipation of the people. That idealized version only ever existed in Megatron's writings. The Decepticons didn't start out well-meaning and turned bad somewhere along the way, they've always been a ragtag gathering of degenerates from the dregs of society looking for a venue to excerise violence and embrace their pursuit for chaos and power. They were warmongers. Terrorists. Thugs. Weapons traffickers. Opportunists. Sadists. Bloodsport enjoyers/profiteers. It’s those people who were the targets of Megatron's recruitment speeches when he promised them that he'd turn the planet into their gladiatorial arena. It’s those traits that were coveted, sought, valued by the Decepticon ranks. Revolution of the oppressed lmao, aside from Megatron himself, there's not one honest-to-god true proletariat or bottom class in the Decepticons' upper echelons. Soundwave, Ratbat’s lackey. Starscream, criminal tax swindler. Shockwave, mad scientist (with a specialization in body experimentation) and former sketchy Senator. Honest work got you as nowhere in the Decepticons as in the Cybertron social ladder.

This is an example of political persecution. By a team of sanctioned torture police created for this explicit purpose. For literally every bad thing the government did, the Decepticons have done something to one-up them. Think functionalism is bad? How about let's conscript everyone into a combatant and if you don't want to fight you can die. Painfully. Social stratification? How about a military hierarchy for the entire society based purely on might makes right. Empurata and shadowplay? Forced frame alteration and body experimentation. Lobotomy. Grooming. Vamparc ribbon that sucks the life out of an entire city's worth of people? Burn up the planet and massacre half its population. Unlawful treatment of prisoners? Pick from the menu of anti-personal bombs, live incineration chambers, multi-year torture marathons, or a DJD custom treatment. Persecution/neglect of the unfortuate mechs who ended up on the streets? Just throw them straight into the smelting pool to make into something useful instead. Expansion and colonism? Imperalism and genocide ftw. The Decepticons were worse than the old government in practically every concievable way.

3. But Optimus was violent as a cop.

Yes he was violent towards the Decepticons, a Decepticon specifically, Swindle, an unrepentant repeat offender, because they were using innocents to bomb cities and conquering citystates and Megatron must be stopped before the situation got any worse but Swindle just won’t spit any info. Like obviously his actions were wrong but they weren’t completely unfounded considering the circumstances, certainly not comparable to an equal level with the Decepticons who regularly torture prisoners for the entertainment. The most he's guilty of is paying evil unto evil and meeting violence with violence.

4. Autobots were perpetrators of the injustices of the society because they didn’t actively fight against it.

That’s not true, Optimus fought against it by using his position to help people as much as he possibly could; a lot of his work went against government orders. Rachet fought against it by running his clinic at Dead End. Impactor fought against it when he stood up for Rung. The outlier vigilante team fought against it, they risked their lives to help the Decepticons with Optimus when they stole the fake matrix bomb. Hot Rod fought for Nyon. They all fought by allowing themselves to grow beyond the societally imposed prejudices, by focusing past the rightful anger at being born into such a cruel world, by trying to become the best people they could under the circumstances and extending kindness to others no matter how difficult their own struggles. It's the entire society that's dysfunctional and has been dysfunctional since the beginning of history, individuals should not be held responsible when they're just trying to make the best out of the life they'd been given and not maliciously harming anyone along the way.

5. But that doesn’t count as actually fighting if they didn't get engaged in outright war.

Uhhh I’m sure that’s the justification Decepticons used when they were doing join or die massacres but okay I guess.

And then there’s the grand finale：

6. “Autobots are bad because wars are bad and they fought a war.”

The Autobots didn't want to fight. It was the Decepticons who declared war on them. They were literally forced into it. It was either that or accept Megatron’s peace through tyranny. And there is a massive difference between deaths/violence/destruction/resource appropriation that’s justified by military necessity and the excessive use of force like killing and torture for the funsies only the latter would be considered a war crime omgggg people please stop spamming the word war crime

Anyways this line of reasoning need to go and duel it out with the previous one because they are contradictory.

The Autobots are by no means perfect but to make them comparable to the Decepticons is just. I dont even know. It's like putting a piece of white paper with a black dot on it beside a piece of black paper and saying they're the same colour. No. The black paper didn't even start out white. Of course not everything is going to be that clear cut in war but acknowledging the presence of those grey areas doesn't mean you can equate the values of right and wrong. 

And also associating the Decepticon movement with freedom fighters is buying into their propaganda. Megatron never gave a shit about anyone's freedom other than his own.

'Peace through tyranny' is a pretty self-explanatory phrase come on