#systemiconfusion

[systemiconfusion]

It's so fucking hard to differentiate these bitches. I feel like I'm the combination of them so it's like. I am everything they are but they are not everything I am.

[systemiconfusion]

Trying to set up a Simply Plural description for these bitches and I don't know what to put. Looked up some templates on Tumblr. Holy fuck I can't even read these templates legibly enough to understand what they want from me. I've got ADHD, I can't do all the pretty symbols and shit.

Uh. What do y'all put in your Simply Plural descriptions? Without any templates. Dear god don't send me a template. Appreciate the help from whoever offers it lol.

[systemiconfusion]

Has anyone ever had a headmate that's like... kind of a projection of the way they view the religion that traumatized them?

We have a god headmate that presents very, very much akin to how we've grown to view the evangelical God. He doesn't seem to really fit the role of religious persecutor, though, because his godliness doesn't at all harm us and he doesn't force us to participate in our old religion. But he's also not an introject of the evangelical God (I guess he could partly be?). It really does feel like we just projected our religiously traumatized view of the evangelical God onto him.

Anyway. We were just wondering if anyone else has ever experienced this. We've also been questioning if this headmate might be a... "mild" persecutor of sorts? We don't think this has anything to do with that, but if anyone does think it could be related we're happy to listen

[systemiconfusion]

Finally let F and S communicate directly yesterday. Accepted things fully. And it feels so much more real now. I feel like I can actually feel them.

[systemiconfusion]

Hi. Uh. We probably have a persecutor. Or a malicitor. Whatever he is, I don't know.

I've been convincing myself it's not bad enough because he's really good at making me feel like it's my fault and I deserve it. So I think I really need some outside opinions. I know it's mainly a self-ascribed label but I need legit help. I feel like I'm going insane.

I'm just gonna list out some of the things that he does because I don't know how else to get it out.

Berates and mocks me for everything I do and everything I think.

Derides the people I care about to me.

Tells me over and over that I should ruin my relationships or that I'm already ruining them.

Threatens to hurt the people I care about or humiliate me in front of them.

Won't let me seek help from the people I care about, especially if it's in reference to all of this. The reason I'm even coming here is because this is the only place he'll let me air my concerns.

I've tried so hard to get him to stop, but he won't stop for anything. And I know he's trying to protect me in some cases but I also know he finds everything he's doing to me really funny and entertaining and whatever. He's sadistic. He enjoys putting me down. Knowing he makes me feel like shit.

I'm just lost. I don't feel like it's bad enough to be bad. I feel like it's my fault. Like I deserve it. And I know he's not as hurtful as others I see, so it's hard to grasp that he could be hurtful at all.

I'm really sorry if this is jumbled. I'm half present right now and trying so hard to get this out before he stops me.

[systemiconfusion]

Tfw the only two facets I know about so far are fableings of characters that are literally as problematic as you can get and are debatably WORSE than their source counterparts.