#tøp packs

[piastrisluvr]

messy blue - My Blood - twenty one pilots headers || like or reblog if you save.

[tylerpnk]

twenty one pilots headers

Like or reblog !

[splatattackz]

more sponsorship ideas from one of my friends:

- IKEA sponsorship in the style of the Sims IKEA expansion packs. Adding thousands of furniture models might crash most of the players but that's fine as long as they pay well.

- Doied Rat poison endorsement. Any brand works. Tease it as Roier lore, have Doied hunt down his brother in a cinematic. Doesn't have to succeed in killing him as long as we get the views

- Dunkin' Donuts. The Eggs have to be fed baked goods anyway, why not change the bakery into a Dunkin' Donuts shop? Eggs might grow up to hate donuts after only being fed them but at least they come in many different designs.

- Raid Shadow Legends. I'd write something else here if all the ads had actually taught me what this game is.

- NordVPNMart. Don't have to figure out how this would work if we just make Roier put up some pngs.

- Any brand of pet food. Cellbit might not agree initially but surely we can work something out.

- Duolingo. An event perhaps? Duo logs on to test everyone's language skills, losers are removed from the server forever.

- Twenty One Pilots. Trust me on this one, connecting the QSMP and tøp lore makes total sense and would be beneficial for all.

- Brazil.

- BadBoyHalo. He probably has at least 5 dollars, he should share.

- Mr. Clean. Fit's a janitor already anyway, why not get some cash by putting a brand name on his supplies? And they're both bald too! Limited edition magic erasers with his face on the box maybe? They can pay QSMP for using Fit's likeness, just make sure he doesn't ask any questions about why he's not the one getting the money.

[soupiiiie]

Living with Tyler Joseph

Word count: 1388

Genre: angsty-ish, some fluff

You knew who he was but desperately needed a place to live so when you saw his application for roommates, you pushed aside your fangirling and applied

You agreed to meet him in person so he could see what you were like for real and he really liked your personality

He let you move in the following week, agreeing to split the costs evenly

You had a TON of tøp merch and posters and had to hide them in a box so he wouldn't ever see them

You even had a tattoo of the bands symbol on your body but always covered it up

Tyler and you became really really close, that's when you started to develop feelings for him

He was always so nice and kind, you had tried going on dates with guys and whenever it ended up badly, he would immediately come to get you if he needed, and give you a ‘better date’ as he called it

He never really showed interest in you as a girlfriend but you were falling faster and faster with every day

One night, after a particularly bad date, he picked you up from the persons house and took you home, making you put on the matching pjs you got for Christmas from Josh and out on your favorite movie

“I don’t know why you keep going out with these, pardon my language, douchebags all the time. They never end up treating you right and you deserve to be treated like a princess.” He gave you a big hug and rocked back and forth.

He cared about you so much more than you knew. If it were his choice, he’d make sure you never looked at another guy ever again, only him. He wanted you to be his, but did not want to push you into the spotlight of being his girlfriend to the public

Tyler was under the assumption that you didn't know about his band / how famous he was

You sniffled and sighed “Ty… I think you should know something..” you started, nervous to tell him the secret you kept, “I know… about your band… I'm a fan actually.” you were so scared. Scared that he’d be mad, scared he’d tell you to pack your stuff and move out, scared that you would never see him again.

He silently stared at you, contemplating what to do next. He was angry that you never told him, he would have been okay with it. He didn't know if you’d put personal stuff on social media, or used him to gain clout amongst your peers. He didn't know how to feel.

He stood up and left. Left the apartment and drove to Josh’s place. He didn't want to talk to you right now after he had spent 6 months living with you. He knew it was stupid to be mad at you for being a fan, but he wished that for once, someone would want to be close to him just because. Not for his status, not for his fame or talents, just for being him. He felt used in a way

He explained everything to Josh, how he felt, what he wanted with you, what you were hiding. Everything. Josh told him to take some time to think and figure out what to do. So that's what he did.

You sat for what felt like forever on that couch, waiting for Tyler to come back. When you looked at the time, it was almost 3 in the morning so you decided he wasn’t coming home tonight and went to bed. Crying yourself to sleep.

When Tyler woke up, he had a terrible headache. He thought too much last night, it was almost 3 am when he finally fell asleep on Josh’s couch. He had come to a conclusion though. He was going to talk to you and hear your side. 

His feelings were still there, they wouldn’t go away that easily, but he was hesitant. Scared that you were only his friend and roommate because of who he was.

You woke up to the front door closing and footsteps approaching your room. There was a light knock on the door and you opened your eyes to see Tyler standing in the doorway, still in his matching pjs. 

“...Hi,” you whispered shakily, “I didn’t think you were ever coming back.” Your whole body was shaking. You didn’t know what he was going to say.

“I went to Josh’s to think… I need to ask you something first though.” You nodded, encouraging him to continue, “Did you accept the application because of who I am?” his hands were shaky as he held onto the foot of your bed frame.

You shook your head quickly, “No, I really needed to move out of my parents house, you know why, and you were the only person who accepted to meet me. I wanted to tell you but was scared that it would ruin my chance of having a place. I didn’t want to scare you away… I’m so sorry Tyler, I never meant to keep it from you, I just wanted to make sure you wouldn’t kick me out before I told you. I know its a shitty thing to do but… I was scared.” Tears started forming in your eyes as you looked up at him. It was true, you were going to tell him, you just didn’t know when.

He looked away and took a breath, letting what you said sink in, “I wouldn’t have kicked you out if you told me. I’m just hurt that you would hide such a big detail from me. I-I need you to promise me that you didn’t use me, or post anything personal about me on social media. I don’t want to just be your famous roommate. I want to be your friend.” He was scared of your answer.

“I promise Ty, I never told a soul that I live with you, not even my sister. I didn’t want to put your privacy in jeopardy.” It was true, you never told anyone, you respected him and his home that he so graciously opened to you.

Tyler let out a sigh of relief and glanced up at you, finally meeting your gaze.

You stared back at him and thought you might as well tell him everything. “I um.. I have a box of all of my twenty one pilots stuff hidden in my closet. I had to make sure you never saw it, or this,” You lifted the hem of your shirt to show the band symbol tattooed on your ribs with lyrics from one of their songs under it, “Your music helped me a lot through rough times and when I turned 18 I got this.” you lowered your shirt and waited for him to respond.

He smiled gently, “I’m glad we helped… Thank you for telling me. Thank you for not being  a crazy stalker.” he chuckled to himself.

“My pleasure,” you giggled lightly. 

He swooned at the sound of it deciding that it’s now or never that he told you, “well… since we’re confessing things, I um, I like you. More than a roommate, more than a friend. I think I’m in love with you.”

Your eyes widened, you had been waiting to hear those words since the first time he saved you from a terrible date. You crawled toward the end of your bed and sat up so you were eye to eye with him. No words were said, you just leaned in and kissed him. Wrapping your arms around his neck as he held you by your waist, kissing you back. When you pulled away, you smiled, “I think I’m in love with you too Ty.”

He smiled back and pulled you into a hug, “how about we order some food and finish that movie?” You nodded, “No more bad dates for you.”

You smiled and you both walked to the living room to watch your movie, you couldn't have been happier. He was finally yours, you were finally his. 

The smiles never left neither of your faces for the rest of the night. 

Bonus: - Later that night, Josh had texted Tyler how it went and he told him how you confessed to one another his only response was “FINALLY!”

[squeakybit]

The DAMN Fam Spotify Playlist

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/25JoiJWm91JmYrC2WM5ifA?si=OEMzJS7bSSmXGrskN56UxA

The DAMN Crew has a Spotify playlist that Freelancer (Lev) started during one of their classes and invited the others to add to it.

Lev added “Wasteland” from NEONIE first. They've always liked the music, but after the inversion the line “got my pack, my pride, my brothers” hit a little different. They wanted the guys to know just how much they all meant to them.

When told that this playlist was to unwind and just enjoy each other's vibe, Lasko was, surprisingly, the next to add a song, choosing Girl in Red, loving the carefree summer vibe. He'd listen to ”I wanna be your girlfriend” while grading papers or documenting notes in his guidance counselor cases. He used to picture Lev in place of “Hannah” in the song, especially when they started hanging out one on one. “I don't wanna be your friend, I wanna kiss your lips” when he added that song, a slight flash of those feelings returned, but with his new partner in the kitchen making them coffee, he shrugged it off. He just likes Girl in Red.

Gavin likes jazz. The slow smooth music and round vocals. It's classy. The song "Fly me to the moon” played in a movie he and Lev watched very early on in their relationship. His hand on their hip, their head on his chest, he listened to them hum along, and the moment had been so perfect. He deemed it their song. He'd drown himself in it if he could. The version by The Macarons Project is his favorite.

Lev added Can't fight this feeling anymore to the playlist, dedicating it to Huxley and Damien after they'd all watched Rock Of Ages together. Huxley finds it funny and a bit sweet, listening to it whenever he's at work and missing Damien. Damien is embarrassed, feeling called out, but will listen to it and fantasize being held by Huxley like that. (Happens fairly often in the bedroom)

Heaven by Julia Michaels was put in by Lev in honor of Gavin, and after he actually listened to the words, he rifted right in the middle of a crowded DAMN-owned bus and into the apartment where he saw the walking out of the bathroom and he picked them up off the ground in a hug and kiss.

Pure imagination by Kathleen it's a lullaby for caelum that Lev found sometime after the inversion and before Caelum returned from Aria. They put it on the playlist too listen to when they missed him with the determination to sing it for him if he ever had an emotional attack like that again.

Stressed Out by Twenty One Pilots - The first song that Damien added to the playlist. He'd never say it to them but he loved TØP during adolescence, and only justified it by “well aren't we?” he says it's too relatable.

Centuries by fallout boy - Huxley added this for no other reason than immaculate vibes.

Warriors and bad liar by Imagine Dragons - Huxley added both of these to add some pump to his morning jogs. He loves Imagine Dragons and wants to get his friends into it.

I hear a symphony by Cody Fry - Lev added this song immediately after hearing it as a Spotify suggestion and got really emotional, sending a voice memo to the group chat, telling everyone to listen to the song and that they loved all of them.

Gavin added Immortal by Reinaeiry to the playlist after finding it coincidentally during an internalization of the Damn crew’s - particularly Freelancer’s - mortality. The lyrics made him cry, and he walked around the apartment parking lot around 2am while Lev slept soundly. These nights happened often as the years went on, but especially around each of their birthdays and he always feels guilty for feeling a littlesad while everyone else is having a blast.

[poptivist]

morse code vid & a review of BOOKS in tøp history

so, as everyone knows, ned's cozy fireplace had an ad that used morse code. here is that ad and a visual.

please let me know who to credit as the owner of the screen recording

and because nobody i know has any idea what to make of "BOOKS" -- and they have tried -- here's a look at books as they appear in tøp's body of work. just for the hell of it.

here we go!

2016: the cancer cover.

in the cancer music video, a person narrates their own impending death from cancer, and it's accompanied by an explosion books bursting out of a bookshelf. these green circles are just highlighting that this music video also included repeat book designs, like ned's cozy fireplace does.

that video and this one are by the same animator and designer, chris schoenman, who presumably didn't want to make like nine million different books. (but there could be more than one reason.)

the speaker in this song is consuming this media; there's a couple books on his coffee table.

our speaker is writing their own story with their descriptions and instructions to their family as the video goes on.

among the this person's collection of stories are some twenty one pilots songs. we'll see this later too.

2016. heathens.

these drawings on the wall are not books, but they are related to books, as we will see in just a moment. it's reasonable to say these drawings represent something this character feels or thinks about, in some cases over and over.

nico and the niners, 2018.

next, we have tyler/clancy in nico and the niners packing his backpack. we don't see him physically put this red pamphlet/book in his backpack, but given that the scene starts with a bed covered in stuff, shows him packing, and then shows a bed with nothing on it, we can assume the pamphlet got put in too.

the backpack is left for the kids to find along with the bandito clothes.

we know from The Outside that the kids keep the bandito clothes and presumably the backpack with its contents, including the red pamphlet/book.

the leave the city visuals also make a point to show a backpack left behind.

speaking of leave the city visuals:

these visuals fade from trench as a real place to drawings on the bedroom wall in dema.

like heathens, we can assume these drawings depict something that the person who drew them thinks about. because we recognize what's shown, we know they reflect what clancy knows or believes about his world: the figure of the vulture, the neon gravestones, the cage from hoty, the tree from trees and so on.

next:

2021. the vialism pamphlet, released at the same time as choker. it reads "to live fully is to sacrifice all". this is important because it's the first and only time we know what one of these pieces of media the character is consuming is explicitly telling us.

the black pamphlet is a visual parallel for what josh is reading in choker.

2021. christmas saves the year.

we see here that santa also has drawings on his wall. and -- like the speaker in cancer -- is taking in media that includes twenty one pilots stories.

santa's drawings include things he observes in his world (the snowmen, the noodly skeleton and alien keys) and things he believes -- or at least speculates about (the radiant cosmic rays that defeat the snowmen).

this csty video is actually deep af, and i spent six long weeks making a vid on what i think is happening here if you want to watch it. be gentle. i'm doing my best.

these drawings on the wall are a parallel to the drawings on the wall in other places in that they show things the artist thinks or believes about the world they live in.

2022. tyler owns at least two books. they're right there.

2023: ned's cozy fireplace.

lastly, here's some of those same dema-and-trench drawings on the wall in ned's home, looping him firmly into those shared concepts about the neon gravestones, compass E, etc, and a written continuation of The Outside in the form of a letter.

and that's that on that for books in the history of tøp. i think this has absolutely jack to do with why the morse code says BOOKS, but it seemed neglectful not to at least review the topic and see what we can see. what i see: some as-yet-undefined significance in what we take in and how it informs how we understand our world.

fun little fact: the bourbaki group play a foundational role in modern mathematics and it's likely that some of your school textbooks cited bourbaki in the back of the book. so we've all consumed bourbaki book content at some point.

[joelstummy]

concerts tag game 🎶

ty for the tag @burntheedges I actually have concerts this year so I’m all about this rn!!!

first concert: Backstreet Boys with Supergirl and Shaggy as openers 💀

last concert: Twenty One Pilots

worst concert: I’ll say Blue October, and not because of the band. They sounded INCREDIBLE. But I’d been waiting to see them for ten years, and I went to the upper/balcony level of the theater venue, set my jacket down on the counter, grabbed a water from the bar cause I felt nauseous, and when I came back, some bitch and her posse of biker boys had thrown my coat on the ground and taken my spot and refused to move. The entire venue was packed and I ended up standing at the very back of GA and couldn’t see a GODDAMN THING THE ENTIRE SHOW because I’m FIVE FEET TALL. The rage I felt even Justin Furstenfeld couldn’t heal.

loudest concert: they’re…all kinda loud lmao idk

best concert: Twenty One Pilots for this current (Clancy) tour. By far.

seen the most: Marina (and the Diamonds)

most surprising: uhhh maybe TØP as well. I’d never seen them live, and I’m just a casual fan, at least I was until I saw them lmaooooo and now I’m obsessed

happy i got to see: Blue October, even if the concert experience sucked

wish i could have seen: Computer Games (Darren and Chuck Criss’s band. R.I.P. Chuck 😔)

next concert: a few!!! Neon Trees, All American Rejects, Childish Gambino/Willow, Sabrina!!!!!!!! I think that’s it this year. I might be seeing Imagine Dragons too. Still deciding.

npts: @pedropeach @tonysopranosrobe @macfrog @hier--soir @moonlitbirdie @cavillscurls 💕💕

[cataboliiicseed]

HELLO please tell me about your cd collection?? i would love to hear about it genuinely

HAIII BELL!!! i am more than happy to talk about my cds!!!

i included pics of my current collection 🕺!

i’ve been collecting them most of my life. i got given a cd player at a young age which is why i started collecting. as a kid it was mostly so fresh & now hits of summer cds that are still somewhere in the house (also alvin & the chipmunks).

these days i collect them because my car is old and doesn’t have aux or bluetooth so cds and the radio get me through. i’ve included pics of my glovebox, the ones that live in a bag cause i have too many to fit in said glovebox & my current listen. i’ll just list them as they appear and where i got them from!!

gorillaz, the now now- bought first hand. at the time i was listening to it almost daily

gorillaz, demon days- actually belongs to my sister. she doesn’t have a cd player so it judt lives in my car for when we go on drives

twenty one pilots, trench- a gift for my birthday last year. i have most of tøps discography and i was obsessed with it when it released (saw them in concert & everything)

my chemical romance, the black parade- found this one in an op shop. there’s a few i got at the same time, some emo must’ve donated their collection in one go. love this album its one i listen to a lot

panic! at the disco, a fever you cant sweat out- also found in the op shop haul!

panic! at the disco, pretty odd- another op shop haul find. i didn’t listen to this album a load back then compared to the rest of their stuff but its one of my faves now

my chemical romance, three cheers for sweet revenge- shocking news, found this in the op shop haul!

bastille, all this bad blood- at some point during my teens i spend my pocket money on this. definitely glad i still have it, there’s so much music on that album & i still love bastille

twenty one pilots, blurryface- another one i spent my pocket money on!!

twenty one pilots, vessel- another pocket money purchase

fall out boy, folie à deux- found in the op shop haul. didn’t even listen to this album at the time & i forgot i had it until way after i fixated on it and then went through my collection again

fall out boy, infinity on high- another op shop find, very fun find!! was a fave at the time

fall out boy, american beauty/american psycho- op shop haul find!!

fall out boy, save rock and roll- op shop haul find!!!

my chemical romance, danger days- my brother found this one in an op shop for me

will wood and the tapeworms, everything is a lot- bought this one online when he dropped the last of the original pressings a few years back. its signed but the signature is rubbing off a bit

will wood, in case i make it- i got this one when i backed the album when he was fundraising for it

the libertines, up the bracket- i think my mum gave this to me, i’ve never listened to it lol

janelle monáe, the archandroid- dad gave this to me. one of my favourite albums of all time

sara bareilles, whats inside: songs from waitress- this was a pocket money buy. i think i bought this before i actually listened to the waitress musical? so it was my introduction to it and then waitress was what made me fall in love with musical theatre

the hush sound, like vines- found this in a record shop. was very excited, i was playing one of their songs on repeat at the time

pulp, different class- mum gave me this one as well

the breeders, cannonball- my dad got it for my brother who didn’t want it and i slid in like hi, yes i love the breeders, this is mine bye.

troye sivan, wild- a pocket money buy. i really wanted blue neighbourhood but they only had this ep so its what i got

sara bareilles, the blessed unrest- another pocket money buy, i had a huge sara bareilles phase at some point in highschool

the scary jokes, retinal bloom- bought this one in one of the packs when the album was about to be dropped. gawd i love the scary jokes

the scary jokes, burn pygmion!!! a better guide to romance- what i listened to todayyy. probably my number one album ever this was a christmas gift!!

theres two fob cds i skipped cause they’re just a compilation & cd that all the songs on are on my other cds.

theres so many more that have come and left my collection but this is where its at now and i can’t waiiiit to find more!! especially w my damn car. NOW TELL ME ABOUT YOURS (please ^3^!)

[itrustmydiscoverweekly]

This week I listened to a brilliant little album called Proof of Life by Joy Oladokun

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️(4.5 out of 5 stars)(despite my efforts towards tech companies, there is no half star emoji)

Yeah, I loved this album. Heard about her because she opened for Hozier at the concert I went to and she was amazing there and the rest of the album is just as good. I love her sound because it is a little different from a lot going on right now but is still really cool. It's been quite a few weeks since I have listened to an album as much as I have listened to this one.

I had a lot of trouble picking favorites here because I love so many songs so much. This album is packed full of amazing instrumentation, catchy lyrics and genuinely addicting dreamlike musical ideas (and classical strings!).

ENOUGH YAPPING, (as always, not opinion order, just album order)

"Taking Things For Granted" I am addicted to the bass in the intro starting off, it is such a cool sound. The drums fit in perfectly and are so much fun. The drum crashes are timed perfectly and fill in the space between lyrics. I love how lyrically, the chorus and the rest of the lyrics are set up in the first verse where she shares the story from her childhood. I love this perspective on life that everyone is going through the same shit and sometimes you miss and hurt people but it's also ok to feel hurt when people mess up. The chorus of this song got stuck in my head a lot this week. I love this song a lot and I am only a little biased since I heard part of it live (I was getting out of the merch line as this song was playing and I caught the end of it). This is a phenomenal song.

"Sweet Symphony (feat. Chris Stapleton)" this song is a lot more pulled back and is gorgeous. It has a jazzier sound and works amazingly. It stands out beautifully within the album. This song has such GOOD bass; Sometimes songs really overdo the bass but it works here amazingly. I love the inclusion of some classical strings within this song, what else can I say, I am a cellist in my soul. I love them both singing on their own but their coming together for the last verse is gorgeous and I love how their voices work together. Love the drums here too even if they are less forward here.

"We're All Gonna Die" in my soul I am also a TØP fan, I love a happy-sounding, existential song. I will be 100% honest that I didn't realize Noah Kahan was on the track until like Thursday but he blends into this song amazingly and you can definitely hear how he influenced this song. I love the louder sound of this song a lot. The main overdriven guitar with the classical strings is really pretty and I love where it shows up. This song is really catchy and I love it a lot and it has a special place in my heart.

Honorable mentions!! 🥳🥳🥳

I definitely have a lot of honorable mentions here

"Changes" I love this song's main guitar (maybe ukulele) picking that carries the song, it is gorgeous. The lyrics are lovely and I don't really have anything to add as a white boy from the Midwest but I ask you to give it a listen.

"Somebody Like Me" I just love the line "Can anybody say a prayer?/ Can anybody light a candle for somebody like me?" I find it beautiful and this whole song is beautiful.

"Revolution" again, I am a big fan of the lyrics here, give the song a listen. It is gorgeous.

"Somehow" I love this song a lot, It very nearly made the top 3. I love ballads for hometowns as someone who doesn't really have a hometown. This song is just so gorgeous. I ADORE the chorus and the line "life can change with the weather". This is such a hope-filled song and I love it. This song is an amazing way to end off an amazing album.

[stonerdyk3]

PACKING A BOWL FOR A NEW TØP AONG RELEASE LET'S GOOO

[piastrisluvr]

messy twenty one pilots headers || like or reblog if you save.

[tylerpnk]

The boys' Twitter layouts!

[underworld-cows]

Analysis of the car in TØP's "A Car, a Torch, a Death" Can be an Allegory to Life With a Chronic Illness

For the purpose of this analysis, a "Chronic Illness" can be described as a terminal illness, a disability, a chronic medical condition, and/or mental illness. Twenty One Pilot's "A Car, a Torch, a Death" is about a person struggling to just keep going. This song is generally interpreted to be about life and the inevitability of death, but it has been a comfort to me in my experience with chronic illness since its release, and I want to share why. TW: generally, this post is meant to be a "I understand your pain and we've got this" vibe, but it does discuss emotionally-challenging topics such as depression.

1 "The air begins to feel a little thin As I start the car, and then I begin To add the miles piled up behind me I barely feel a smile deep inside me"

There is a discussion here about the mental state of someone suffering from an illness. While dealing with often invisible symptoms (line 1), it feels very lonely and it's a struggle against yourself (line 2). The driver starts the car alone, feeling numb. They begin to look back in time, thinking of where they came from, and reminiscing (line 3). It feels like "how did it come to this?" "I miss the good old days before I felt this way." Thinking back on the good times, they feel a hint of happiness, but before it can get to the surface, it's shattered by the reality of where they are right now (line 4). They feel the smile deep inside, but the past is just inside, and on the outside, you must move forward. They miss before they got sick, but it's behind them.

5 And I begin to envy the headlights driving south I want to crack the door so I can just fall out

Here, the driver begins to think bitterly about other drivers (line 5). The driver is moving North (in a chronic illness metaphor, it seems North is toward survival), and the headlights driving South are headed towards progress and living the way the driver wishes they were be moving. The driver begins to feel bitter because it's hard to see others make it when you just can't. The driver considers just giving up*. Stop moving forward. Stop moving North. Just open the door, let themself "fall out", and give in. It's just too much. The road to survival is a lonely one.

*I see this less as a metaphor for literal death, but more as a metaphor for giving up with the "survival" routine of self-care, and instead just giving up on the effort of managing a chronic illness and trying to get better.

7 But then I remember when you packed my car You reached in the back and buckled up your heart For me to drive away with

This is when the driver begins to realize that they're not as alone as they believe. They're driving, and though they want to give up, they know that someone trusted them to keep going. The driver at this point realizes that if they can't live for themself, they must live for the people that need them. Sometimes, the people in our lives are the only thing that keeps us going. A person's who's chronically ill doesn't trust their body, their mind, or their perception of the world. They can't trust they'll have a future, that they won't plummet at any moment, or that they will make it to the end of the road. But something about someone else putting trust in them gives them hope that it's okay to trust the road. It's okay to trust the car. Just keep driving. And at least you're not alone.

10 I began to understand why God died

I grew up being taught that God had a lot on his plate, he made sacrifices, but he was always needed. People pray to him as if he can fix everything. I'm not religious anymore, but the metaphor still stands that God is running thin with so many people relying on him. Here, the speaker is referencing the exhaustion, fatigue, and the overwhelming force it takes to drag themself through life. They're spreading thin between their own needs, and what it means to live for someone else. They now understand why God couldn't take it anymore and "died." They would die too, if it wasn't for the fact that despite it all, they just kept moving forward because they aren't God, and they have no other choice.

Conclusion

Living with a chronic illness is exhausting. It's a constant fight around getting up and doing it all over again every day. Sleep, eat, hydrate, take meds, go on a walk, have a conversation with a real human, rest, rest, rest, work, rest, breathe, exhaustion, fatigue, take meds, sleep, repeat. You expected to thrive, but everyday is survival all over again, and you yearn to be in a time where it wasn't that way. But sometimes, people trust you. People trust that even with all you're going through, they can count on you. And you can count on them. And something about that human connection is so exhausting, but is also so energizing. It's a push and pull of forcing yourself to speak and then feeling the high of not being alone, and then you have to force yourself to shut up!

You might be tired, and it's hard to keep driving, but there's someone in the car with you who needs you to keep going. And there's other drivers on the road. And it's exhausting. And it's life.

This is one of my favorite Twenty One Pilots songs. I hope that in some way, this analysis can show what it is like when you wake up from autopilot and realize what it means to be on the road to survival, and mourning your situation all over again. This song has been a mirror for me throughout the years, and it has helped me through a lot of flare-ups.

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