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clementine-writes-things · 7 months

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Hostage With Benefits

Summary: Y/n is taken captive by Hans Gruber and is easily seduced by his charm.

Contents: Smut with barely any plot, degradation, gun kink, spitting, choking, BDSM, bondage, power kink, humiliation, strong language.

Word count: 3.7k

A/N: sorry if it's formated weird or too short or something like that, I spent a long time writing it and it's 1 am right now, I'm so tired. I hope you guys enjoy it though!

Christmas music played throughout the 30th floor, the party was alive and the people were cheerful. Everyone was wearing their finest attire, men in their tuxedos and suits, women in their dresses and skirts. Today was Christmas Eve, and naturally, Mr. Takagi thought it would be a good idea to have a party at work. It served a double purpose, the party, as the company had just made a big sale.

It was typical of this company, to have parties for the workers, booze and drugs in almost everybody's system. However, your position in the company determined if you got to join in on the party as well. This is how y/n got stuck working during the celebration. She was an intern. Not that she cared about the party, she actually found it to be rather boring.

"Y/n, be a doll and get some more booze, would ya? You know where it is." Ellis said, his voice slurred.

Y/n grimaced, Ellis was a creep. He constantly did drugs at work, flirted with any woman who breathed, and worked his way into the company with his daddy's money.

"Yeah, sure." She said.

The girl stood up from behind her desk, where she had been sorting out files, stapling them, and then putting them in alphabetical order in the filing cabinets. Ellis had disappeared as soon as he had arrived, which was a relief for y/n, as his presence made her physically ill. Straightening out her skirt and tugging on the bottom of her button up shirt, she grabbed the walkman off her desk and hooked it onto her hip. Placing the headphones on her ears, she clicked the play button and smiled as 'Rebel Yell' started to play.

Y/n was fairly young, only 24, the youngest person in the building. Even though she didn't get treated like an actual member of the company, people still found her presence to be comforting. A young, optimistic and innocent aura was a huge contrast to the dark and dreary feeling of working in an office. She took pride in how friendly and approachable she was.

'Let's see…the drinks should be on the 15th floor, near the cafeteria.' She thought to herself.

Having to go through the crowd of people, y/n paused her Walkman and lowered the headphones. Although she didn't feel like participating in the party, it would be rude if she didn't say hi to a few people. Passing by a couple workers, glances were cast at her, obviously critiquing her outfit. She knew she wasn't going to be a part of the party, so why would she dress up? She still looked nice in her opinion. She wore a white, slightly cropped white shirt with short sleeves. It was a little too tight for her, but she didn't really think much of it. The skirt she had on was a soft teddy bear brown with two black buttons, some frilly white lace underneath the skirt, showing only slightly. White socks with small ruffles were on her feet as well as shiny black flats.

"Y/n, nice to see you! How's your night going?" Ms. Gennero asked.

"It's fine, Ms. Gennero. Thanks for asking. Sorry, I need to get some more drinks for the party." She excused herself.

Reaching the elevator, she felt relieved. The crowd of people around her was nearly enough to suffocate her. She pressed the button to the 15th floor, placing her Walkman back on her ears and continuing to listen to music. When the doors opened, she stepped inside, popping a piece of gum she had into her mouth as she waited to arrive at her destination.

Around 15 minutes later, a group of men had taken over the 30th floor. Guns in hand, ready to shoot and kill on command. The party that had once been so alive and happy, was now dismal. A man stepped forward, a small book in his hand.

"Ladies and gentlemen! Ladies and gentlemen!" He declared with a strong accent.

The room grew quiet, everyone afraid to make a sound.

"Due to the Nakatomi corporation's legacy of greed around the globe, it is about to be taught a lesson on real power. You will be witnesses." The man cleared his throat, looking down at his book.

"Now… Mr. Takagi? Where are you? Where is the man who used to be in charge around here?" An arrogant smile spread across the man's face.

He strolled through the crowd of people, glancing around at their faces occasionally as he looked through his book of notes. Everyone he saw had fear glazed over their eyes, hands shaking, knees trembling, brow sweating. As he came near the end of the crowd, he glanced down at another man.

"Enough!" A voice said from behind him.

The foreign man turned around, his movements fluid and calm.

"Ah, Mr. Takagi. How nice to meet you. I am Hans Gruber. Let's have a little chat.."

~skipping the interrogation scene cuz I don't want to write about takagi getting shot lol~

"See if you can dispose of this.." Hans gestured to Mr. Takagi's dead body.

"Karl, you go back up and watch the hostages. Theo, get to work on the vault. I shall like to look around the building in search of any stragglers."

Once assured that everyone had understood their tasks, Hans left the room.

Y/n had made it to the 15th floor quite some time ago, but she had decided to make herself a snack in the cafeteria. Her shoes were held in her left hand while a slice of the PB&J sandwich she had made was in her right hand. She had taken her shoes off because they were far too tight, no one would care if she didn't wear her shoes. Groaning, she opened the fridge, remembering that she was supposed to bring back more alcohol. She put her sandwich in her mouth, holding it in between her lips as she grabbed a bottle of vodka with her free hand.

'I hate this job.' She thought to herself as she walked out of the cafeteria.

As the doors swung open, she nearly fell over. It was difficult to open doors when your hands were full. Her Walkman still was over her ears and she started to dance a little when Dreams by Fleetwood Mac started to play. Her skirt flowed as she twirled around, the smoothness of her socks allowing her to slide across the floor. Turning around the corner of the hallway she noticed a man at the elevator. She waved at him - or - tried to as she had her hands full. The man looked surprised, but his facial expression softened as she approached him. He noticed she had her shoes in one hand, a bottle of vodka in the other, and a sandwich in her mouth. Y/n placed the bottle on the floor and grabbed her sandwich with her now free hand.

"Hi! I'm y/n! Sorry, I just got back from the cafeteria. Getting some more drinks for the party!" She stated, her voice a happy tune.

"Hans. Hans Gruber."

Hans put two and two together and concluded that y/n was referring to the Nakatomi Christmas party. This was perfect for him.

"I'm supposed to be at that Christmas party right now. Would you mind showing me the way?" He questioned.

Nodding, the girl bent down to pick up the bottle but was stopped by the man. He grabbed it.

"Allow me."

Smiling, the girl took a bite out of her sandwich and entered the elevator with Hans. Bending down, she pressed button 30 and started to balance back and forth on her heels. Hans was taken aback by her behavior, but found it slightly entertaining.

"I'm an intern! I don't really like my job, but I can't do much about it." She bluntly explained.

Hans just nodded in response.

The elevator doors opened and y/n walked out. As she looked over the room, everyone's heads turned to her. Confusion and fear spread across her face as she saw men with guns aiming at her. Turning around, she attempted to run but Hans had dropped the bottle of vodka, letting it shatter on the ground, and quickly grabbed her by the back of her neck.

"Not so fast, liebling…" He murmured against her ear.

"Y/n! Leave her alone!" Ms. Gennero shouted, accompanied by a few other protests.

Smirking, Hans looked at his men. He chuckled in y/n's ear as he pulled her closer to him.

"Well, if she's so important, perhaps I should keep her. Make sure you all behave, unless you want your poor intern to perish." He mocked, a fake frown on his face.

Everyone began to scream and wail, y/n accompanying them. Ignoring the cries, Hans dragged y/n to the office he had claimed. Shoving her down on the ground, he closed all of the blinds. Straightening his tie, he approached her slowly.

"Let me go!" She exclaimed.

Hans merely laughed at her pathetic excuse for a plea.

"Mmm, I'm afraid not. Taking a whole company hostage and leading a heist is a very stressful thing. I think some company would do me good, and you're quite entertaining." He mused.

Y/n, though not restrained, felt like she couldn't move. She was worried that if she moved even an inch, she would be killed instantly. Hans looked her over, raising an eyebrow once he realized how she was dressed.

"Rather slutty for a Christmas party, don't you think?" He teased.

She furrowed her eyebrows.

"At least I don't show up in a suit and tie to hold people hostage. What, you think you're a part of the mafia? Hoping to be in The Godfather Part III?"

Hans whipped his head around, lowering himself to her level and grabbing a fistful of her hair.

"I think you shall find it wise to mind..your..tongue. Just because I find you entertaining does not mean I won't hesitate to shoot you between the eyes. So I suggest you watch your attitude, young lady."

His words were like honey. Venomous honey that coated her body. The pressure of her hair being pulled and the intimidation that filled her while he was glaring at her sent shivers through her spine. Hans noticed this and scoffed. He tugged at her scalp once more, harshly. A soft anguished moan left her throat. Hans stood up.

"Your outfit matches your mind. Perverted and whorish."

Leaning back against the desk, hands gripping both sides, he tilted his head at her.

Raising his hand, he used his finger to gesture for her to come to him. Reluctantly and cautiously, she obeyed. Standing directly in front of him, she felt her knees get weak. He brought his hand to her face, using his thumb to wipe off jelly from the corner of her lip. Sticking his thumb in his mouth, he sucked the jelly off. Her heart raced, baffled at how attractive she found the man in front of her to be. Smirking, he grabbed a chair and put it next to the chair behind the desk. He took his seat in the office chair.

Y/n backed up slowly. Hans rolled his eyes.

"Sit down!" He roughly demanded.

Y/n scurried over next to him, frightened by his tone of voice. Sitting in the chair, she started to button up more of her shirt, realizing she was showing way too much. Hans brought up a hand to stop hers.

"Obviously you were more than comfortable to dress so promiscuous today, so I don't expect you to change anything now."

Hans slowly removed his hand from over hers, making sure to run his thumb over her nipple as he did so. Y/n's thighs clenched together and she bit her lip. Smirking, the man removed his hand completely and grabbed his radio.

"Theo, process on the vault."

"Halfway there."

"Good. Stay on schedule. If anyone needs me, radio in. I do not want to be bothered."

With that, he put the radio away. Slowly, he turned towards y/n, his hand gripping his pistol on the desk.

"Tell me, dear y/n, are you afraid?"

She nodded.

"I see. Do you wish you weren't here? That I wasn't here?"

She nodded again.

He raised an eyebrow, glancing down at her thighs. On the seat, he could see a shimmering wetness. Chuckling, he used the tip of his pistol to lift up her skirt, revealing her soaked panties.

"Mmm, I think you're lying to yourself my dear."

A blush spread across her face as she attempted to stand up, ready to march out the door. But a strong hand on her shoulder forced her back down.

"Sit. Down. Do not make me tell you again." His voice was stern.

As she sat back down, Hans pulled her chair closer to his. A smirk was plastered across his face and a mischievous glint lingered in his eyes. Gently, he placed his large hand on her thigh, rubbing the inner part with his thumb.

"I find you fun, liebling. You're very entertaining to watch."

Y/n squirmed in her seat, gripping the sides of it firmly. The feeling of his hand on her thigh drove her crazy in a way that made her feel dirty. Hans noticed this.

"Do you know what Stockholm Syndrome is?" He questioned.

She nodded.

"I-Its when a hostage or a victim of kidnapping grows dependent on their kidnapper. Or form a bond."

He nodded.

"Do you feel a bond with me, my dear? Are you dependent on me?"

Y/n grimaced, shaking her head. Though, secretly, she was thinking about him in ways that she shouldn't speak out loud. Hans smirked, moving his hand up her thigh, thumb tracing her panty line. Her breath hitched and she let out a small yelp.

"Say yes. Say yes and I'll make you feel the best you'll ever feel in your life." He said lowly, sincerity lined his tone.

Somehow, y/n believed him. This man looked like he could fuck you for a day straight and not get tired or even break a sweat. He looked like a Greek god chiseled in marble, like a work of art. She thought about this for a moment, maybe, letting him have sex with her would guarantee that she would live. It was worth a shot. And, as a plus, she'd be getting amazing sex.

She nodded slowly. Hans rolled his eyes and gripped her chin harshly.

"Words. Use them while you still have the ability to make coherent sentences." He hinted at what was to come.

"Yes." It came out like a gasp.

Without another word, Hans grabbed the girl by the bottom of her thighs, lifting her up and placing her on his lap. His raging hard-on was noticeable in this position, as y/n felt it poking underneath her skirt. Hans chuckled at her reaction, a gasp leaving her mouth.

"Tell me, young lady, have you ever been fucked before?"

"Yes. Only once, but it wasn't that good.." She answered.

Hans smirked, trailing his thumb up her thigh and planting his thumb over her clothes clit. Y/n moaned softly, gripping the sides of chair.

"So, you're an innocent young lady who just chooses to dress like a whore? Why is that? Do you crave attention? Or, maybe you just enjoy it."

His words caused her core to gush. She had never been talked to like this before, and she found it oddly hot. The way his rough hands against her skin felt, along with his rough words. It was a sinful combination.

"Answer me." He growled, bringing his hand up to her throat.

She coughed, clawing at his hand.

"Y-Yes, I want the attention!" She sputtered.

Releasing his grip from her throat, he gave her face a light slap.

"Don't worry, you'll get lots of it. Let's just hope you can handle it."

In one swift movement, Hans stood up and placed y/n on the desk, pushing her skirt up slightly. He let out a low moan as he saw how soaked her panties were. With his left hand, he pushed her down so her back was on the desk and her legs were hanging off. Yanking her panties to the side, he licked his lips at the sight of her bare center. He roughly pressed his thumb against her clit. A shrill whimper left her throat and Hans took pleasure in the noise.

"Who knew you Americans were so kinky? Finding the idea of being fucked by your kidnapper hot. Or, is that just your own twisted fantasy?" He mocked.

As she was about to speak, he shoved two fingers inside her. He curled them as soon as he got knuckles deep. Her back arched and he used his left hand to slam her back down, groping her left breast.

"I'm getting you nice and ready for me. If I didn't prepare you, then you would suffer greatly. And that wouldn't be fun for either of us-"

He leaned down to her ear, nibbling on her neck.

"-because I love hearing you moan in pleasure."

Y/n, as if commanded, let out a pathetic moan. The feeling of his fingers inside of her flooding her mind with lust. She was lost in the sea, and only he could bring her back.

"Fuck, yeah, just like that…"

Hastily, he started to undo his belt, holding it in his hands when he finished. He let his pants fall to the floor and grabbed her hips. Flipping her over, he forced her to lay on her stomach across the desk. Y/n's ass was on full display to him underneath her skirt. Out of nowhere, a sharp sting landed on her ass and she let out a groan in pain.

"Oh, the dirty whore likes that too?"

He landed another firm whack against her cheeks, which were surely red by now. Leaning down, he planted kisses on the bare skin, biting down on it too.

"Fuck! H-Hans!" She moaned.

The feeling of leather wrapped around her throat, and she suddenly felt herself being pulled back, her back arched. Hans had wrapped the belt around her neck, almost like a leash. It was humiliating to say the least, but that made it all the more hot.

"You shall call me Mr. Gruber, is that clear? Do you call all of your superiors by their first name?" He asked.

She scoffed.

"You're not my superior."

Once again, she was flipped over. Now, she lay on her back, Hans hovering directly over her. His tie hung loose and his eyes were narrowed. Leaning down, he planted a soft kiss against her lips. His tongue slid in her mouth, claiming it as his own. As they pulled apart, a string of saliva connected between them.

"In this room, I am."

Quickly, he clamped his hand down on her mouth as he roughly pushed himself inside her. Y/n's eyes widened and she clawed at his back. The feeling of being stretched out was so sudden and raw that she couldn't handle it. Angrily, Hans roughly pulled out and pushed all the way back in.

"This suit is worth more than your education, I suggest you unhand it you filthy whore." He spat.

Afraid to disobey, she did as she was told. Instead, she wrapped her hands around his neck. Smirking, Hans unbuttoned her shirt slowly while keeping himself still inside of her, taunting her. He was surprised to see she had no bra on. He bent down and licked a stripe from her navel all the way to her collarbone. Nipping at it gently, he whispered in her ear.

"Now, let's see how much you can take."

Without another word, he began to fuck up into her at an animalistic speed. Moans tried to leave her throat, but she choked on her own words. Ecstasy and lust clouded her senses, and all she could think about was him. Him and his dick. Her walls clenched around him as he spit on her chest, as if he was telling her that she was disgusting for this. And, in a way, she was. But she didn't care. For this was the best sex she had ever had. Hans brought his hand down, prying her jaw open and shoved two fingers in her mouth. She began to suck on them, swirling her tongue around them. Hans moaned at the sight, his movements becoming more harsh.

"So pathetic, letting me fuck you. I could kill you right now." He grinned, bringing his gun up and pushing it against her head.

Y/n's heart raced, fear and adrenaline coursing through her veins. She felt herself getting closer to her release, and she whimpered around his fingers, signaling this. Placing his gun down, he grabbed both of her hips and raised them slightly, giving him a better angle. Her hands dangled off the desk and flailed around aimlessly as he continued her merciless onslaught on her cunt. His head flew back as he felt himself get close. Quickly he pulled out and grabbed her hair, yanking her towards him. Without warning, he turned her around, so her head was hanging off the desk and shoved his dick deep down her throat. As he did this, he leaned over and continued to fuck her with his fingers. Not even a few seconds later, y/n felt her orgasm wash over her and she arched her back as her arousal coated Hans hand and arm. Seeing this sight pushed him to his limit, and his cum filled up y/n's mouth. Pulling out, he sat back in the chair, watching as y/n breathed heavily. Her mouth full of his cum, trickling down her face and onto the carpet, her tits perked up from the cold chill in the building, and her legs dripping with her own arousal.

"Merry Christmas to me…" He chuckled to himself.

"I've had better… Mr. Gruber.." she smirked, jokingly.

"Oh? Then let's go for round two."

#writers #fanfic writer #hans gruber #die hard #alan rickman #smut

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phantoms-lair · 1 month

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The Stray

So with the talk of Conan characters in Persona I'm dusting off this thing I wrote a while ago inspired by this post by RedRobin-Detective which crossed my dash while I was playing Persona Strikers and this happened

"You can't tell anyone!" The look on Conan's face was pure desperation.

"I have to." Takagi said grimly.

"I don't care about proper procedure. They may have infiltrated the police! We'll both be killed, along with anyone we might have told."

"I don't care about 'proper procedure'. But I do care about you and others being in danger. And that stops. Now. Even if it means we have to go outside the law to do it."

"What?" This didn't match what he knew about Takagi, not at all. Takagi was bright and eager to please, but with little self confidence and easy to lead around. Takagi did not take charge and he most certainly did not do so by starting with going outside the law. But what could Conan do? He was currently helpless with the knowledge Takagi had now, that the Organization existed.

He let himself be led on a train, Takagi texting the whole time. There was a brief stop where he got some sushi to go, and then Takagi led him down some small roads to a place called 'Cafe LeBlanc' that Conan was fairly sure would be nigh unfindable if you didn't know it was there.

"Like the guy who wrote the original Lupin?" Conan asked, speaking up for the first time.

Takagi shrugged. "Can't say what the original owner was thinking, but the current one is amused by it."

The cafe was small and cozy. The smell of coffee and curry permeated the air and Conan felt hungry despite himself.

"No outside food allowed," said the man behind the counter, albeit with a smile on his face.

"Awww. No Fatty Tuna for Morgana, then?" Takagi asked with a big grin on his face.

There was a loud yowl and a black and white cat jumped on the counter. "You spoil him," the man said with the same smile.

"And you don't?" Takagi smirked back.

Conan sat there, petting the cat while Takagi talked to the cafe owner like an old friend. What did this have to do with the Organization? Why did Takagi bring him here?

The bell over the door rang an in walked, well, someone Conan hadn't expected in a hole in the wall like this. Takamaki Ann, a fashion designer who worked for Ginko. Conan only knew of her due to the minor scandal a few years back of Campbell-san promoting an openly lesbian woman to be her chief designer.

More people came in. Some Conan recognized (Kitagawa Yuusuke, a well known artist. Niijima Makoto, the most hard and nails Director of Internal Affairs the TMPD had ever seen) others he hadn't, like the blonde man who sat next to Takamaki-san and the red-headed woman who perched on the stool next to him like a gargoyle. And they all knew each other.

"Oh dear, I seem the last one." A woman with short curled hair walked in. "I know Sumire is out of the country and Grampa is out in Kyoto. Unless..." All those gathered turned to the cafe owner, who shrugged.

"I don't know why any of you think I know what goes on in his head."

"Better than we do," the blond man said with a wide grin. "So what's the 411?"

"Our beloved little brother brought in one of his strays, and it's one of the two that don't exist." The red head cackled. "This is going to be good."

Strays? Wait. "What do you mean I don't exist?" Conan asked nervously.

The TV in the corner flickered and a virtual avatar popped up. "You do not. All records of your identity are false and were only created shortly after you appeared at Mouri-san's and began to solve cases for him."

Conan felt his stomach drop. No one was supposed to know that! Why had they pulled up his records before this? After all, they couldn't have in so little time...

"Right, and now you have to settle a bet," Red headed girl leaned in, grinning.

"A bet?" Conan asked weakly.

"Are you Kudo Shinichi?"

The floor dropped beneath him, This was impossible. They couldn't...

"Back off Navi. No scaring the client." The Cafe owner said in a stern voice that had the red head sit back abashedly.

"Why...why would you think I was...." His voice sounded so weak, even to his own ears.

"The timing matches up between your appearance and and his disappearance." Navi said. "And your mannerisms are the same."

"And hours before 'Edogawa Conan' appeared for the first time, a young boy matching your description with similar injuries to the ones you had then claimed to be Kudo Shinichi who'd been assaulted and poisoned." Nijiima pointed out. "Of course at that point no one knew Kudo-kun had vanished and by the time anyone questioned where he was, the little boy in too large clothes that matched the ones Kudo-kun had been wearing that day had long since vanished."

"Or become Edogawa Conan." Blond man said with a grin.

"Our client is Edogawa Conan, and that's how he'd like to be known, regardless of who he might have been in the past. Takagi's voice was uncharacteristically firm and Conan was grateful for it.

He'd completely forgotten the police officers he'd talked to in the first hour after his change, who he'd desperately tried to convince of the truth. And if these people had put it together, who knows who else may have.

"And our target?" The cafe owner asked.

Target???

"A group known as the Black Organization. Involved in blackmail and murder." Takagi glanced at Conan.

"Definitely murder. Bombings, developments of poisons, manipulating organized crime..." He trailed off.

"Confirmed?" The cafe owner looked at Takagi.

"I can confirm what I said and I don't doubt Conan-kun's knowledge."

"Alright. As always, we put it to a vote. The vote must be unanimous. All in favor?"

Everyone raised their hand, even the cat.

"All opposed." Nothing.

The cafe owner smiled at Conan. "You can call me Joker. The Phantom Thieves of Heart taken taken your case."

#The Stray #Detective Conan #Ghost Writing #P5 #Takagi joined the team during Strikers #He was 10 at the time and thus is the beloved younger brother of the group #who can code switch like no ones business #He's also a little salty because he lost the bet on WTF is Edogawa Conan #After the bombing case his bet was on Shinigami

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summercreolefanfictioner · 9 months

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jigokuraku drunk headcanons (modern au version)

ps. let's just say I wanna know what they do in the wild times (refer to my modern au fic on ao3 for more details) I also didn't include nurugai and mei cause they're kids huhu

gabimaru

does not get drunk

like zilch nada

it's sad cause he drank alcohol at the age of 8 or 9 as part of his training

and bcos his tastebuds are so numb, he actually has no idea if someone poisoned his drink or if he is drinking alcohol at all

might also be the designated driver lol

yui

you know takagi-san from "the teasing master takagi-san"?

the girl who teases her crush in a smooth way and the guy has no chance to get his revenge?

yep that's yui when she's drunk

makes gabimaru blush 24/7 by teasing him in her own innocent way

knows no boundaries bcos she is never ashamed to get close to him (he secretly likes it tho but it's better if they get a room 🫣)

even asked him to kiss her one time in front of their friends (they did but gabimaru held out a hand to cover their lips bcos yuzuriha wanted to take a picture)

does not get hangover

remembers what she did and is surprisingly happy about it

well as long as she's happy then gabi thinks all is well in the world

sagiri

the crying drunk

as someone who follows rules 24/7 and is never one to break down her strong facade, sagiri lets out her cool when under the influence of alcohol

would get soft and mushy abt every single thing

"gabimaru, your love for yui is such an admirable thing!"

😭😭😭

"I am glad I met a person like you, yuzuriha!"

would also mention names of couples from dramas she binge-watched (fyi sagiri is a major fangirl of theatres and dramas as per canon)

gets hangovers

ends up sleeping while crying

gets embarrassed abt what she did the next day

yuzuriha

the laughing drunk

anything can be filled with humor and she makes fun of anything

AND ANYONE (especially toma much to his own dismay)

would even console sagiri while she's crying bcos she loves her like that

even encourages yui to flirt with gabimaru openly just for the sake of getting a blushing pic of him as blackmail

is the main source of all drunk pics and vids

lowkey scared of senta when he's drunk bcos she is suddenly reminded of senta when he's in his study mode

everyone is suddenly friendly to her after drinking parties (some would still not hesitate to threaten her just kidding)

senta

strict scary drunk

the one who commands the rowdy crowd bcos he can and he will

yuzuriha thought senta will just be that one quiet drunk in the corner

until she remembered senta as a focused individual who lectures her bcos of her poor grades

even sagiri and tenza got mad respect towards him

he is clueless abt this alternate personality

and yes no one tells him abt it

toma

the angry drunk

I swear he is angry at anything and anyone

would even pick fights bcos he believes he is righteous like that

it's like shugen has another brother from the criminal side of things 👀

would still go boasting abt how his older bro is the coolest guy he's ever met

but will also fight him bcos he is drunk and his vision is blurry so he doesn't recognize he is speaking to him

would challenge everyone to a drinking game, especially fuchi and gantetsusai

he loses tho

barfs everywhere (might've slept on them too)

is the one who threatens yuzuriha the next day despite hangover

chobe

the buddha drunk

yeah chobe is wild and brash and has that typical yankee attitude but when he drinks, he suddenly turns into the wisest man alive

preaches good things abt life much to toma's chagrin

even tells gabimaru not to resist yui's flirting attempts bcos she is showing her love like that

tells stories abt how he saw toma as a baby and how it turned his life for the better

"I don't mind doing everything for my brother"

he says that with a gentle smile on his face (creepiest thing ever)

would also cry with sagiri abt soft and mushy things

he's not bothered by his drunk antics tho (but toma is hence why he is on his way to strangle yuzuriha)

tenza

delirious drunk

like he sees things no one sees and laughs about it

acts like he's best buds with everyone

has the habit of taking his clothes off bcos it's so warm and he's feeling hot (does not even care if there are people around)

would even defend this habit by saying "being naked should be normalized! people don't wear clothes centuries ago!"

does not remember everything until nurugai tells him abt it

apologizes to everyone the next day

shion

another delirious one

tbh he can handle alcohol so well but for a blind man, he "sees" things (based on his pov lol)

he tells everyone how tenza looks like a slug of meatball

also walks in a zigzag manner but still thinks he's walking on a straight path

in fear that he might be involved in further accidents, fuchi decides to throw the liquid out of his cup out the window

lectures everyone the next day abt how excessive drinking can ruin their lives (um excuse me????)

shugen

another crying one

tbh no one really invited him (except for sagiri)

is actually a combination of sagiri and toma tho

would fight everyone but would also cry when the other person fights back

"why are you fighting me? didn't you know that war is bad?"

lectures gabimaru abt not flirting back with yui

"you should be grateful your lady is showing adoration for you and your manliness"

mans up the next day and takes responsibility for his shameful actions

jikka

the drunk who acts like they're soooooo drunk

I won't elaborate any further cause jikka is always drinking in the manga

yes he also has blackmail pics and videos like yuzuriha

beware of him at all costs

fuchi and gantetsusai

designated drivers

I joined these two bcos they both observe the people at the party

and they could really hold their alcohol pretty well

at par with gabimaru ngl

would always look out for shion in case he destroys things

also calms senta down when he's angry

tbh gabimaru was their designated driver lol

but bcos gabimaru is ummm "busy" with his wife, they're the ones tasked with taking care of everyone

teases the shit out of everyone bcos no one fights against them

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puroresu-musings · 3 months

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NJPW THE NEW BEGINNING in Osaka Review (Feb 11th, Osaka EDION Arena)

Toru Yano & YOH vs. Ryusuke Taguchi & Boltin Oleg **

Bishamon vs. Great-O-Khan & Callum Newman ***1/4

Shota Umino, El Desperado, Tomoaki Honma & Tiger Mask vs. EVIL, Ren Narita, SHO & Yujiro Takahashi **1/4

Tetsuya Naito, Yota Tsuji, Shingo Takagi, Hiromu Takahashi & BUSHI vs. SANADA, Yuya Uemura, Taichi, DOUKI & TAKA Michinoku ***

Kazuchika Okada vs. Hiroshi Tanahashi ****1/2

IWGP Tag Team Championship - El Phantasmo & Hikuleo (c) vs. KENTA & Chase Owens **

Bryan Danielson vs. Zack Sabre Jr. *****

10 Man Dog Pound Cage Death Match - United Empire vs. Bullet Club War Dogs *****

Photos.

Wow, what a show this turned out to be. It started pretty ordinary, but ultimately had three exceptional bouts, one of which is the best match of 2024 so far. The show opened with CHAOS teammates Yano and YOH taking on Taguchi and Young Lion Shooter, Oleg. This was perfectly fine, but only went 3:45, so there really wasn't much to mention. YOH scored the win over Taguchi with a roll up. Next, UE Young Boy Callum Newman got a chance to shine in his tag match with O-Khan against Bishamon. This was a good little sprint, with the spirited Newman looking especially good. It wasn't to be his night, however, as he was put away by the veterans at 7:37 with Shoto.

The NJPW Babyfaces took on House of Torture next. This was your typical HoT match, beginning with a brawl, before the babyfaces got their shine, only to succumb to heelish shenanigans. After Dick Togo distracted the ref, Narita hit Tiger Mask with the Metal Plated Push Up Bar Of Doom, before SHO pinned him with a Shock Arrow in 8:43. Post match saw SHO steal Despe's IWGP Jr. Belt and proclaim himself the new champion, so we've got yet another HoT stolen belt deal, and Desperado seems destined to feud with these dorks for his entire reign. This was followed by pretty much the same LIJ vs. J5G match we've seen all tour now. It was a good outing, but I can't say that I'm interested in any of this, aside from Tsuji and Uemura's Hair Match in Sapporo at the end of the match. The two youngsters carried the action in this one, which culminated in SANADA tapping out BUSHI at 11:05 with Skull End to go strong into his Title Match with Naito on the 24th.

Perhaps the final ever Okada vs. Tanahashi match followed, twelve years to the day that the Rainmaker Shock happened in this very same building that made Okada a Superstar. This was excellent, emotional stuff that was by no means the best match these two have ever had, but it was a great send-off for what is perhaps the greatest, most consistent feud ever. I've potentially gone a tad high with the rating, but I don't care, I'm sticking with it, as this one had me invested from the minute the entrances happened. The Osaka faithful were super into this, loudly chanting for Okada at the start, going crazy throughout. Tana, who's definitely in "office shape" at the moment, even turned back the clocks and hit the High Fly Body Attack to the floor, which was awesome. After getting the knees up on a HFF attempt, Okada nailed the Tombstone, but Tana turned the Rainmaker into a small package for a great near fall. After some back and forth which the crowd were totally into, Okada hit a beautiful dropkick, a Landslide, and a Rainmaker to put the President away at 16:50 with one final Rainmaker. The pair embraced in the post match, and a teary bowed to the Lion Mark and Okada bid farewell to Osaka. He only has two matches left in his NJPW career in Sapporo, which should be similarly emotional occasions, and hey, who knows, maybe he could even put someone over on his way out (nudge nudge, wink wink).

The IWGP Tag Title bout that followed was something of a dampener, to say the least. This was the opposite of the last match, the crowd were dead for the most part, and it moved at the speed of smell. It was hovering around one star territory, but things picked up once Hikuleo got the hot tag and ran wild, but it was short lived as the ref got bumped, Taiji Ishimori ran in, hit his old pal ELP with a belt, then Hikuleo, which allowed KENTA to steal the win and the titles. Look, I know New Japan likes and rewards loyalty, and Chase Owens was there for them when they needed people badly, but the notion of him holding a major title in NJPW in 2024 is all kinds of bemusing. And to say the new GoD's Tag Title reign was a bit of a disappointment would be an understatement. These guys deserve better, and I honestly don't have the strength to watch another match between these teams after the two we've already seen so far this year.

Thankfully, things turned around in fantastic fashion with an absolutely perfect display of pro-wrestling between ZSJ and Bryan Danielson. This was a rematch of their 5 star classic in AEW last October, and it managed to surpass that match and is the best bout of 2024 so far. Outstanding grappling and counter sequences throughout this, Dragon used an arm wringer to send Sabre's legs into the ropes, which he then proceeded to work over the whole match with intense kicks and leglocks. Zack fought back, working over Danielson's neck. Lots of Romero Specials, Manjigatame's and Cobra Twists, before it broke down into a stiff strike exchange. Danielson hit a big Back Suplex off the top for a near fall, then tried Cattle Mutilation, which Sabre escaped and hit a Zack Driver for a near fall of his own. Dragon hit the stomps, then locked in the crazy arm submission he submitted Okada with, but Zack fought to the ropes. Another strike battle culminated in Danielson hitting the Busaiku Knee out of a backslide, but Sabre turned a second into a European Clutch, they exchanged great cradles, before ZSJ got the pin with a crucifix at 32:46 of fabulous action. The two shook hands afterwards, and now being 1-1, Danielson challenged Zack to a 2 out of 3 falls tiebreaker backstage, which I'm 100% down for. In the ring, ZSJ signalled he wanted a belt, then called out the winner of Naito/SANADA (despite what Chris Charlton might have claimed he said). I'm all for Zack winning the belt to be fair. I've lots to say about Naito being the champion again, which I'll refrain from, but all I will say is that the guy who holds the top belt in this company sure has felt like an after thought since winning.

Then the Dog Pound Cage main event that was also Will Ospreay's New Japan swan song. Look, theres way too much to even attempt to recap, and I went back and forth about going the full 5 stars on this one, as it did feature some stuff I really wasn't keen on. BUT, at the end of the day, these 10 guys put on an absolute spectacle of bloody drama and craziness, and it's definitely not a match I'll forgot any time soon, and a tremendous post match. They had an impossible task in following the previous match, but they had an equally blow-away outing, that was the complete wrestling polar opposite. This was set up like that classic ROH vs. CZW Cage of Death from 2006, in that the cage encircled ringside as opposed to the ring itself, and was fought under War Games rules, with guys coming out every two minutes.

Ospreay and Finaly started, with Ospreay convincing Finlay to let them fight for 5 minutes. Lots and lots of crazy stuff followed, which included the heels bringing out a ton of plunder, Akira hitting an incredible dive off the cage onto the War Dogs before Connors gave him a big spear through an upright table in the corner, Gabe Kidd potatoing HENARE with table shot, that split him open bad on the top of his head, which the doctors at ringside spent a lot of time trying to patch up. HENARE got a receipt of sorts later when he hit Kidd with a super stiff slap that looked like it knocked Gabe silly. Connors hit a big spear on Ospreay through the ropes, off the apron and through a table at ringside, Jeff Cobb ran wild on everyone with his incredible power moves, TJP emerged from under the ring as the Aswang, running wild and misting all the heels, Maloney broke up a pin attempt by Drilla Killa'ing Ospreay into the pile of bodies, Coughlin took a serious wilful beating with kendo sticks, who then took a big senton through a table off HENARE from the top of the cage. Connors introduced thumbtacks, but ended up bumping into the pins. Gedo came out with a barbed wire wrapped table, but O-Khan put an end to his interference, and it was Finlay who went through the barbed wire table, thanks to an Ospreay powerbomb. Gabe Kidd responded by hitting Ospreay with a piledriver off the apron, through a ladder bridge to the floor. Moloney forked Akira in the head, who juiced heavily, but then overcame his fear of the fork, no-sold it, and stabbed Drilla in the head with the cutlery, drawing his blood of his own, then hanged Connors over the top with a dog collar.

The heels then handcuffed Cobb to the cage, removed the ring canvas and padding, exposing the boards, and what followed was absolutely terrifying, as those boards were flying around and guys were falling through the ring left and right, to the point I thought someone might get seriously hurt. HENARE hit a massive vertical suplex on Kidd to the boards, before he too was handcuffed. Akira then took a horrendous Tombstone on the boards, which left Ospreay alone with the War Dogs. Sacrificing himself to save Akira, he tried a Hidden Blade, but collapsed from exhaustion, resulting in him taking a spear into the boards by Connors, then Finlay wrapped his knee in barbed wire and hit Ospreay with his new Overkill finish to end this insanity and win for his team in 64:05 of crazy, mind-blowing action.

The Overkill finish was quite ironic given the amounts of sheer overkill in this thing, there were times when I thought/was begging it would be over, but they just kept going and doing crazier stuff. Anyone who knows me knows I love a good crazy, unhinged blood and gimmicks match, and this was one of the best there's ever been, overkill or not. In the post match, Ospreay bid farewell to New Japan, and he got the big emotional send off with the confetti and all the UE guys surrounding him. Ospreay asked that the fans not forget him, and backstage he promised he'd be back, but when was still a mystery. Losing Ospreay is a major blow to NJPW (not to mention they're also losing Okada!), but I've no doubt he'll do great things in AEW.

NDT

#njpw #new beginning in osaka #review #will ospreay #united empire #bullet club war dogs #new japan pro wrestling #zack sabre jr #bryan danielson #american dragon #kazuchika okada #hiroshi tanahashi #puroresu #wrestling #reviews #wrestling reviews #aew #wwe

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fagcrisis · 1 year

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my friend ellis @jonny-dykeville wants to get into njpw, and i thought id write her a little summary of whats been going on lately! im posting it here in case its useful for anyone who wants to get into nooj but finds it a little too confusing (understandable) or has stopped watching in the last couple years and now wants to get back into it

this will include a list of matches at the end from 2023 that i think were good and/or are important to storylines! this is accurate to the day im writing it which is 2023/05/15

LINKS TO BE UPDATED

The landscape of New Japan Pro Wrestling has changed enormously in the past couple of months. For example if you told someone a year ago that Kazuchika Okada would hold a non singles belt, theyd laugh in your face.

So how did we get here?

google doc version

Your current champions

Sanada beat Kazuchika Okada for the IWGP heavyweight championship at Sakura Genesis, and has since defended it against Hiromu Takahashi, the current junior heavyweight champion.

Hiromu won the belt at Wrestle Kingdom in a four-way match against Master Wato, El Desperado, and former champion Taiji Ishimori.

The IWGP women’s title was created last year and won by Kairi at Historic X-over. She lost the belt to Mercedes Moné, who was champion until Mayu Iwatani dethroned her recently.

Aussie Open hold the tag titles after defeating Bishamon, and they’ve gone on to win the Strong openweight tag team championships from the Motor City Machine Guns.

David Finlay is the NEVER openweight champion, bringing the belt back in to Bullet Club after Tama Tonga defeated Karl Anderson for it at Wrestle Kingdom.

Intergalactic Jetsetters (Kushida And Kevin Knight) finally ended the reign of Catch 2/2 (Tjp And Francesco Akira) as junior heavyweight tag team champions during the road to Wrestling Dontaku tour, thank god.

Kazuchika Okada, Hiroshi Tanahashi and Tomohiro Ishii are the NEVER openweight six man champions winning the titles from Strong Style (El Desperado, Minoru Suzuki And Ren Narita). If you think that sentence is insane, don’t worry I’ll explain whats happening.

Zack Sabre Jr became the inaugural NJPW World TV champion, winning the tournament at Wrestle Kingdom by defeating Ren Narita, and he’s had some incredible defenses since (you might’ve seen him on ROH).

the KOPW trophy graduated to a belt after El Phantasmo broke it, and Taichi is the current provisional champion having defeated Shingo Takagi for it.

Kenta lost the strong openweight championship to Hikuleo in the first defense of the belt in Japan, after winning it from Fred Rosser (with Juice interference).

at the time of writing this the Strong women’s title does exist but the tournament to decide its first owner has yet to be held (Resurgence may 21st).

Karl Anderson will pay for his crimes

Those who have been following me since november last year know that Suzuki-gun, a heel faction in NJPW led by Minoru Suzuki, has come to an end. I was inconsolable. There are multiple reasons for this happening, but the main one is Karl Anderson.

While Anderson is a member of Bullet Club, and in fall of last year was still the NEVER openweight champion, he is contracted to WWE and was on a handshake deal with NJPW, essentially promising he’ll appear at shows they book him for. There was a scheduling conflict with one of WWE’s saudi shows, and Anderson essentially ghosted the company not appearing for his title defense against Hikuelo, which meant I had to watch Yujiro Takahashi wrestle. anyway this all meant that New Japan lost faith in their freelancers, and because the majority of Suzuki-gun were on handshake deals, this meant the faction had to go. Their last match was on december 23rd (njpwworld) (bilibili link) and it was very emotional and beautiful, and I was incredibly sad.

Shota came back!

Shota Umino, who you may know as the protege of Jon Moxley, returned from excursion in the fall of last year. Young lions (NJPW trainees) are sent abroad to foreign promotions by the company to train and gather experience in different environments to Japan. Shota was in Britain for a time and he returned, challenging Will Ospreay for the US title he still held at the time. He lost but with this high profile title shot he joined the ranks of the young stars NJPWhas much faith vested in.

This also includes Ren Narita, who you may not know because he was never adopted by a mean american man. he was trained by Katsuyori Shibata, earning the nickname Son of Strong Style and wearing similar gear to Shibata as well. The company seems to be trying to set him up to be Shibata’s successor, and he wrestles a similarly, clean technical style.

A recent addition to their ranks is Yota Tsuji, whose return I will explain later.

The IWGP women’s title

Women’s wrestling promotion Stardom and NJPW are both owned by Bushiroad. Because of this last year there was a crossover between the two promotions, which saw the first mixed tag matches in an NJPW ring. Great show, you should watch it. (njpwworld link) (bilibili link)

For this event, the IWGP women’s championship was created and won by Kairi. Now I have some thoughts about how Stardom is already full of accomplished talented women, and putting a women’s match on the card once in a blue moon isn’t a win for women in wrestling and you should maybe try watching Stardom instead (guide on how to do that). But I digress. Regardless of whether or not this is pandering, every match for the belt was undoubtedly incredible and I will be linking them all in the rec section.

A brief Wrestle Kingdom aside

You fucking know what happened at Wrestle Kingdom I shouldn’t have to explain this to you. Kenny Omega returned and defeated Will Ospreay for the US title, and Okada won his beloved IWGP belt back from Jay White, starting him down the path of leaving NJPW.

What you might not know is what happened at Wrestle Kingdom Night 2, which confusingly was held some weeks later. Wrestle Kingdom traditionally is a show between NOAH and NJPW, so Night 2 saw the two promotions pitch their most popular wrestlers against each other. Okada was set to fight Kaito Kiyomiya in a tag team match, but he thought this challenge beneath him and attempted to murder Kiyomiya ruling the match a no contest.

Later in february, at Keiji Muto’s retirement show, Okada did have to face off Kiyomiya in a singles bout, despite his protests that he is not some cheap whore (his words not mine). That entire show is incredibly good but not extremely relevant to NJPW storylines, as crossover events usually are not. (njpwworld) (unoffical link)

After Wrestle Kingdom, New Japan holds New Year’s Dash and the New Beginning shows where they set up new storylines that will likely last the whole year. Jay White challenges Hikuleo to a loser leaves Japan match, because he blames him and his brothers (Guerillas of Destiny) for Bullet Club weakening and his loss at Wrestle Kingdom. He promptly loses this match. Bummer.

El Desperado refuses to accept that Suzuki-gun is over and joins Minoru Suzuki in defending Ren Narita from House of Torture’s dastardly attack, leading to the formation of their trios team; Strong Style. They then go on to defeat House of Torture for the NEVER openweight six man tag team titles. Now this is crazy but we dont have time to dwell on it because the other remnants of Suzuki-gun are also making moves that are considerably more insane.

Its time for: faction madness

There are a lot of factions in New Japan Pro Wrestling. like a lot. Every storyline is heavily driven by who is in what faction and where their allegiences lie. This might be confusing to you if you only watch AEW, a promotion where factions matter less than what Tony adds to commentary.

TMDK

Naturally ex-Suzuki-gun member and best technical wrestler in the known universe Zack Sabre Jr couldn’t simply remain in Hontai, the main body of New Japan where factionless members of the roster belong. Luckily he was a free agent for all of five seconds before his old australian buddies snatched him and his fresh tv championship up. TMDK, known as an australian faction despite a solid half not being from Australia, has suffered some losses in the past year. Jonah, their strongest member, a man who defeated even Kazuchika Okada, left Japan for WWE. Shane Haste and Mikey Nicholls, founding members of the faction and a tag team under the same name, have failed to succeed in winning Tag League in fall of last year. Safe to say, they needed a win. Zack has teamed with them during his time in NOAH, so it was only logical that he would return to his old friends. They even recruited a young lion, Kosei Fujita, who became the first young lion in a faction if you don’t count Hikuleo which was a slightly different situation. TMDK also includes Bad Dude Tito (or Big Teets) over in the States.

The addition of Zack really reinvigorated the faction. Shane and Mikey challenged and failed to defeat Aussie Open for the tag titles, and Robbie Eagles left Chaos for more australian pastures, joining the faction when he challenged Hiromu Takahashi for his championship. Robbie also lost but TMDK didn’t let these setbacks stop them from cutting the weirdest promos after every match and staunchly insisting Fujita (who they’ve nicknamed Big Fooj) will be the first young lion to win a championship.

United Empire

Will Ospreay is no longer the IWGP US heavyweight champion. After losing to Kenny Omega he threw a hissy fit and declared that he would give professional wrestling one more year. He also entered the New Japan Cup, a tournament for the right to challenge for the IWGP championship. Unfortunately in a match against his friend and stablemate Mark Davis (of Aussie Open and ass size fame) he injured his shoulder which put him out of action until about last week. He won the 1pw world title though, so he’s fine.

Other than that, the faction has been doing fairly well for themselves. After a titanic struggle against Bishamon, Aussie Open won the tag titles and have gone on to defend them against TMDK and somehow, Best Friends on AEW television. They also won the Strong tag titles, and Kyle Fletcher managed to botch a moonsault in both matches. You’ve definitely seen them even if you don’t watch NJPW, their schedule is insane and they have a banger of a match practically on a weekly average.

Also tag champions in the faction were Catch 2/2, who held the junior titles until fairly recently. They’ve had great defenses against YOH and his new tag partner, Lio Rush (more on that in a second) and Douki and Yoshinobu Kanemaru. What you need to know about Catch 2/2 is that TJP is a PragerU weirdo and Akira is good albeit italian.

UE also includes Jeff Cobb, who you might’ve seen challenging for Kenny Omega’s US title on Dynamite. He is incredible I don’t have anything else to say. He also kind of thinks flat earthers have a point. He’s really good though.

Also in the faction are Aaron Henare, men’s rights weirdo who challenged and lost to Shingo Takagi for the KOPW belt and Great O Khan who is somehow the Revpro champion. He is notable for having a nice bow in his hair and screeching. The most recent recruit to the faction is Dan Moloney, who unfortunately is fairly unknown to me. He joined the faction as a junior heavyweight and subsequently entered the Best of Super Juniors Tournament, which I will explain later.

Chaos

I’ve previously described Chaos as Hontai 2.0, because that’s really what it is. Lead by Kazuchika Okada, Chaos was the original heel faction in NJPW, founded by Shinsuke Nakamura. Nowadays it is a loose collection of allegiances that confusingly includes the entire Best Friends faction in AEW. Yes, that includes Trent’s mum Sue. Since becoming faces, Chaos members regularly team with Hontai because it all doesn’t really matter.

Kazuchika Okada defeated Hiroshi Tanahashi at Battle in the Valley, and then asked him to tag together. They named themselves the Dream Team, and I only briefly pondered how well it ended the last time Tana teamed with a younger star. Anyways I’m sure this will go fine. They challenged Okada’s fellow Chaos members Bishamon for their tag titles they still held at that time, and sadly lost that match. They defeated the team of Shota Umino and Ren Narita, and then once again failed to obtain gold in a 3-way match against the Motor City Machine Guns and Aussie Open (who won). After Okada lost his belt, they recruited Tomohiro Ishii, who doesn’t like Tanahashi and doesn’t want to team with him because he isn’t in Chaos. Despite this, they managed to defeat Strong Style for the NEVER openweight six man championships.

Bishamon I’ve covered sufficiently enough I think, they are the team of Hirooki Goto who recently celebrated his 20th anniversary in professional wrestling and YOSHI-HASHI who used to be incredibly horrible and is less bad recently. They are fun and I like them.

YOH and SHO were a junior tag team in Chaos until SHO turned heel, joining Bullet Club. This left YOH in a sort of strange limbo, where he contemplated quitting wrestling and pursuing his more artistic ambitions (he is a musician and an artist). Rocky Romero, also a member of Chaos, got him and Lio Rush together to team for Junior Tag League, and they ended up winning the tournament! Although they failed to defeat catch 2/2 at Wrestle Kingdom, and Lio got injured, teaming with him seemed to bring YOH’s confidence back. He’s been wrestling slightly differently and with more self-assurence. The pair both separately challenged and lost to Hiromu Takahashi, two incredible matches that I will link below. Not even these losses brought YOH’s confidence down though, and he’s entered BOSJ alongside Lio although they are in different blocks.

Also members of Chaos are Rocky Romero, Best Friends (including Kris Statlander, Orange Cassidy, Sue, and I think quite possibly Danhausen), Toru Yano who is kind of a funny little man, and Tomohiro Ishii.

Los Ingobernables de Japon

Led by Tetsuya Naito, the tweener group is more of a loose collection of talented individuals than your regular faction. LIJ has a policy of letting their members forge their own paths and create their own success, instead of letting them fall back on the power of the group.

Maybe the only exception to this rule is Hiromu Takahashi, who owes a lot of his success to the faction as well as his mentor Tetsuya Naito. Hiromu is very talented and has a very unique style both in his wrestling and his fashion sense. Unbiased corner ahead I like him a lot. He holds junior wrestlers in very high regard and recently organized the All Star Junior festival to showcase junior heavyweights from all around japan (njpwworld ppv) (vk link). He has a plush cat named Daryl. Hiromu is kind of the ace of the junior division right now, he is on his fifth title reign and is trying to defend the belt 12 times to beat the current defense record of 11 held by Minoru Tanaka. Currently he is 4 defenses into this streak, having defeated YOH, Lio Rush, Robbie Eagles and Yoshinobu Kanemaru. Despite being champion he entered BOSJ, a tournament he’s won four times, three times in a row. If he wins, he’ll get to hand pick his opponent at Dominion.

I have no clue what to say about Tetsuya Naito. To quote my friend Jay, “it’s naito. he is an indescribable force of non-functional knees and the driest hair you've ever seen. he takes ten years to remove his entrance gear. he is naito”. You fucking know who Tetsuya Naito is.

This year, the main thing he’s done is defeating his mentor Keiji Muto at his retirement show in Febuary (njpwworld link) (vk link). He has a very hands off approach towards leading his group, sort of letting everyone figure their things out, which is why he didn’t really seem worried about his match against his stablemate Sanada in the New Japan Cup. You can imagine his surprise when Sanada not only defeated him but then declared that he would be leaving the faction, but more on that later. He also recently had a singles match against DOUKI, which was incredible.

Also members of LIJ are Shingo Takagi, winner of KOPW 2022 and former KOPW 2023 provisional champion, and also living legend. He made his name in Dragon Gate, a different japanese promotion you should also watch (I’m not at all being held at gunpoint by people whose names start with J), Bushi and Titan, who are both junior heavyweight luchadors I don’t know as much about as I should. They’re really good and they are both in BOSJ this year.

Bullet Club

Do I even need to explain. Don’t worry I will.

Jay White lost his loser leaves Japan match to Hikuleo, but there was hope. He promised Gedo he would go to America and wrestle on Strong and right his wrongs. So obviously he immediately lost a loser leaves New Japan match to Eddie Kingston, barring him from ever wrestling in a New Japan ring ever again. After weeks of radio silence, he showed up on Dynamite, forming Bullet Culb Gold (2 bullet 2 club) with Juice Robinson and you all know what happened after that.

It’s spring which means it’s Bullet Club infighting season. After Jay’s loss, his long time rival David Finlay waltzed into the ring all goth and angry, cutting a promo about how the japanese fans never appreciated him and he is an outsider wherever he goes. If this didn’t make it clear to you that he was the new leader, don’t worry it wasn’t clear to me or El Phantasmo either.

ELP was friends with Jay White, and made the rest of the Club agree that they will let Jay ride off into the sunset. A peaceful transfer of power is however impossible in Bullet Club, which is kind of a Stanford prison experiment for closeted gay men. It started bothering Phantasmo, that everyone in his faction so readily accepted Finlay as the new leader, like they weren’t fully behind Jay only a week ago. And anyone who questions the leader has to go.

Then came a months long game of gay betrayal chicken. Every postmatch, Phantasmo would assure Finlay that they were doing it for the club, refuse to too sweet the new leader, and the two slapping eachother in place of a tag. Meanwhile the faces in Hontai were increasingly more accepting towards ELP, Shota Umino even gave him one of his bracelets. The tension came to a boil at Sakura Genesis, where in a tag team match against Guerillas of Destiny and Master Wato, Phantasmo refused to commit the clubs usual heel antics and was brutally kicked out in response. Despite his close friendship with Taiji Ishimori and Kenta, both men readily betrayed him for David Finlay.

Phantasmo returned as a face to beat Finlay up after he defeated Tama Tonga for the NEVER belt, and the two have a title match set at Dominion.

As I mentioned Kenta and Taiji Ishimori are both members of Bullet Club, and Finlay recently recruited Clark Connors to be the clubs newest junior. He entered BOSJ alongside Taiji. Gedo, the head booker of NJPW is also a member of BC but he mainly stands ominously in the background and in kayfabe doesn’t have a massive role in storylines.

HOUSE OF TORTURE

I have to explain what’s going on here. Bullet Club has sort of a subesction? Called House of Torture. They’re only really part of BC in name only, and merch sales. Their thing is gratuitous cheating, if one HoT member has a match, the rest of them aren’t far behind making every match a handicap. Their members are EVIL, the leader of the group and former LIJ member, Yujiro Takahashi the incredible slow motion man whose joints creak audibly with every move, Dick Togo and SHO, who joined after betraying YOH and turning heel. SHO is actually pretty good but the presence of HoT at every match really ruins. Everything. I try not thinking about them.

JUST 5 GUYS

NOW baby. The reason I’m even writing this. The worst faction name in the history of pro wrestling. This faction is made of four ex-Suzuki-gun members and Sanada. Originally called Just Four Guys when Taka Michinoku, Taichi, Yoshinobu Kanemaru and DOUKI announced they would be forming a faction at New Year’s Dash. Taka made some baseless claims about how they will defeat everyone and change the landscape of New Japan. He also came up with their new catchphrase “You already die”. Commentary and everyone else immediately dismissed them as a joke that will last maybe a couple of months. Oh how wrong we were.

Initially, the group did not have much success. Douki and Uncle Nobu lost to Catch 2/2 in their title match against them, Taka kept getting pinned and they failed to deliver on their promises to destroy everyone who stood in their way.

Taichi, as their only heavyweight, entered the New Japan Cup. His first match was against Sanada, a man he’s had some history with when he was still tagging with Zack Sabre Jr as Dangerous Tekkers. Sanada was a man not really renowned for anything, he hasn’t seen any singles success since joining LIJ by helping Tetsuya Naito cheat, except for a US title run cut short with no defenses due to an injury. He had blonde hair and the best or the worst move in pro wrestling history, depending on if you ask my friend Ryan or me. He never hits a moonsault. I don’t think Naito even knew who he was.

Safe to say, absolutely no one expected Sanada to defeat Taichi, much less his superior Naito. What we expected the least is for him to announce he is leaving LIJ for Just 4 Guys, which was now to be renamed JUST 5 GUYS. With dark hair, a clean shaven face and soon, new gear as well, Sanada really found his footing among this motley crew, the way he never managed in his seven years during LIJ. He went on to blaze through the competition in the Cup, winning it and subsequently defeating Kazuchika Okada for the IWGP world heavyweight championship. Absolutely no one has expected this to happen, ever. Yet somehow, it is also one of the coolest things to happen, ever.

His former faction members in LIJ mostly seemed to just sort of accept he left, except for Hiromu. He said while he understood Sanada’s reasons for leaving, he felt betrayed. Hiromu challenged Sanada to a match for the heavyweight championship. No junior heavyweight has been able to defeat the heavyweight champion in the history of the company, although this match is not the first of its kind.

When Sanada defeated Hiromu, the returning Yota Tsuji walked out into the ring and beat him up, held up the LIJ fist and carried Hiromu out of the ring. We don’t really know if this means he’ll be joining the faction, but it’s very likely, and the two have a match set at Dominion.

Obviously other stuff has happened but this is already 4000 words long and I still have things to explain to you.

Whats happening right now

As I’m writing this, the 30th Best of the Super Juniors is just beginning. BOSJ is a round robin style tournament, just like the G1 where wrestlers are divided into two blocks and everyone fights everyone in their block. Usually, the winners of the two blocks face off against each other to win the tournament, but this year, the winner of each block faces off against the person who came second in the other block, and the winners of those matches are the finalists. The winner has the right to challenge for the IWGP junior heavyweight championship at Dominion.

This year’s participants are as follows.

I think this is absolutely the perfect time to get int New Japan. The junior division is full of incredibly talented wrestlers who focus more on fast paced high flying style matches and every one of them is easy to watch and very entertaining. The entire tour will be broadcast with full english coverage.

How do I watch all of this

New Japan conveniently has a streaming service called NJPW world, membership is 999 yen per month. Dont forget to toggle it to english in the upper left corner! Most shows have english commentary and in my opinion it is pretty good commentary. Even if you don’t want to pay for the site, it has a schedule page (upper right corner) which even displays multiple timezones, and links to the card for every upcoming show.

The site also has some free content, for example the backstage comments after every show. Backstage comments are essentially short interviews with the wrestlers directly after every match, which makes for very fun adrenaline fuelled nonsense. Search backstage comment on the site, or check the njpwworld youtube channel. The videos always have subtitles, but it takes the transcribers time, subs are usually out a day after shows air.

PIRACY

In case you’d like to sail the high seas, you have a couple of options.

Watching show’s live I would recommend watchprowrestling.org for. They upload the shows and you can watch them live as well with a bit of delay.

If you’re looking for older stuff, you should try searching on bilibili (dont be intimidated by the language barrier, its quite easy to use) or this specific user on vk.com.

MATCHES TO WATCH

Title changes and defenses:

Kazuchika Okada vs Jay White (njpwworld) (unofficial link)

Kenny Omega vs Will Ospreay (njpwworld) (unofficial link)

Hiromu Takahashi vs Master Wato vs El Desperado vs Taiji Ishimori (njpwworld) (unofficial link)

Zack Sabre Jr vs Ren Narita FREE MATCH

Zack Sabre Jr vs Tomohiro Ishii FREE MATCH

Zack Sabre Jr vs Shota Umino FREE MATCH

Zack Sabre Jr vs Tom Lawlor FREE MATCH

Zack Sabre Jr vs Jeff Cobb FREE MATCH

Catch 2/2 vs YOH and Lio Rush (njpwworld) (unofficial link)

Catch 2/2 vs Intergalactic Jetsetters (njpwworld) (unofficial link 2:35:08)

Hiromu Takahashi vs Lio Rush (njpwworld)

Hiromu Takahashi vs YOH (njpwworld) (unofficial link2:48:13)

Hiromu Takahashi vs Robbie Eagles (njpwworld)

Hiromu Takahashi vs Yoshinobu Kanemaru (njpwworld) (unofficial link)

Kazuchika Okada vs Shingo Takagi (njpwworld)

Kazuchika Okada vs Sanada (njpwworld)

Sanada vs Hiromu Takahashi (njpwworld) (unofficial link)

Aussie Open vs Bishamon (njpwworld)

Aussie Open vs TMDK (njpwworld)

Aussie Open vs Motor City Machine Guns vs the Dream Team (Okada & Tanahashi) (njpwworld ppv)

Kairi vs Mayu Iwatani (njpwworld)

Kairi vs Tam Nakano (njpwworld)

Kairi vs Mercedes Moné (unofficial link)

Mercedes Moné vs Kairi vs Hazuki (njpwworld)

Mercedes Moné vs Mayu Iwatani (njpwworld)

Tama Tonga vs El Phantasmo (njpwworld)

Tama Tonga vs David Finlay (unofficial link)

Taichi vs Shingo Takagi (njpwworld) (unofficial link 1:44:00)

Strong Style vs Kazuchika Okada, Hiroshi Tanahashi & Tomohiro Ishii (njpwworld) (unofficial link)

Hikuelo vs Kenta (njpwworld) (unofficial link)

Story matches

Tetsuya Naito vs Sanada (njpwworld)

Jay White vs Hikuleo (njpwworld)

Jay White vs Eddie Kingston (njpwworld) (unofficial link 1:04:00)

Bullet Club (David Finlay, Kenta, Taiji Ishimori & El Phantasmo) vs Guerillas of Destiny (Tama Tonga, Hikuleo & Jado) & Master Wato (njpwworld link)

just fun

Mark Davis vs Will Ospreay (njpwworld) (unofficial link)

Mark Davis vs EVIL (njpwworld)

Tetsuya Naito vs DOUKI (njpwworld) (unofficial link 2:11:32)

El Desperado vs Tomohiro Ishii (njpwworld ppv)

Shota Umino vs Tetsuya Naito (njpwworld)

Hiromu Takahashi vs Speedball Mike Bailey FREE SHOW

Taichi vs Will Ospreay (njpwworld)

#njpw #wrassle #yall this is nearly 5000 words please read it and watch njpw i worked so hard. for you to watch njpw. its so extensive #i explain literally everything

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redcharacterbracket · 1 year

Text

Red Character Bracket

Minor Bracket

Hello, and welcome to the Red Character Bracket: Minor Bracket. This is how it’s gonna work- 64 contestants. Double elimination. Only one will make it out victorious. Now, for our contestants:

Apple White (Ever After High)

Hua Cheng (Heaven Official’s Blessing)

707/Saeyoung Choi (Mystic Messenger)

Matsuno Osomatsu (Osomatsu-san)

Riddle Rosehearts (Twisted Wonderland)

Opera (Welcome to Demon School! Iruma-kun)

Ikuyo Kita (Bocchi the Rock!)

Cromdo Face (Bugsnax)

Courtney (Dead End: Paranormal Park)

Char Aznable (Mobile Suit Gundam)

Alucard (Hellsing)

Anna Akagi (Kiratto Pri☆Chan)

Taiga Kagami (Kuroko's Basketball)

Tokiwa Anzai (Mewkledreamy)

Fuuta Kajiyama (MILGRAM)

Strawberry Shortcake (Strawberry Shortcake)

Ringo Akai/Mew Ringo (Tokyo Mew Mew)

Reimu Hakurei (Touhou Project)

Jibanyan (Yo-Kai Watch)

Shotaro Kaneda (Akira)

Jake Long (American Dragon: Jake Long)

Akito Takagi (BAKUMAN。)

Ruby (Battle for Dream Island)

Red Blood Cell/AE3803 (Cells at Work!)

Blast (Club Penguin)

Rosemaster (Cucumber Quest)

Honey Kisaragi/Cutie Honey (Cutie Honey)

Lilith (Darkstalkers)

Lina (DotA)

Red (Everhood)

Jack of Blades (Fable)

Wilt (Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends)

Major Motoko Kusanagi (Ghost in the Shell)

Nobuo Akagi/AkibaRed (Hikonin Sentai Akibaranger)

Ib (Ib)

Padparadscha (Land of the Lustrous)

Sally Yumeno (Sally the Witch)

ProtoMan.EXE/Blues.EXE (Mega Man Battle Network)

Dianite (Mianite)

Flain (Mixels)

The Spanish Inquisition (Monty Python's Flying Circus)

Orko (He-Man and the Masters of the Universe)

Camille Severin (Muted)

Tom Servo (Mystery Science Theater 3000)

Pop Harukaze (Ojamajo Doremi)

Scarlett (Papa Louie)

Pucca (Pucca)

Ranma Saotome (Ranma 1/2)

Benson Dunwoody (Regular Show)

Mira Hanayashiki (Sekko Boys)

Corporal Giroro (Sgt. Frog)

Kate (Shadows House)

Crow (SHOW BY ROCK!!)

Stereo Monovici (Space Goofs)

King Kazma (Summer Wars)

Lloyd Irving (Tales of Symphonia)

James the Red Engine (Thomas & Friends)

Captain Red Rackham (The Adventures of Tintin)

Clover Ewing (Totally Spies!)

Gold Ship (Uma Musume: Pretty Derby)

Rika Kawai (Wonder Egg Priority)

Pyra (Xenoblade Chronicles)

Yona (Yona of the Dawn)

Yugiri (Zombie Land Saga)

Polls will be posted every day at 12am EST, starting on April 2, 2023. The Major Bracket will be revealed at a later date. Good luck to all of our contestants ❤️

#red character bracket #minor bracket #masterpost #long post

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sariel626 · 1 year

Text

How Poe became a father

Oh boy, here we go. This outta be an adventure.

Also, Reader is 5 1/2 because anyone with a younger sibling knows that half matters -_-

TW: Mentions of murder, parents hating their kid, and OOC Guild Characters

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I walked besides Sir and Miss, well, actually they’re my mommy and daddy, but they don’t like me to call them that. We were walking through these fancy hallways that looked just like our house and my legs were getting tired, but I knew if I said that, Miss would lecture me again. We’ve been following this guy dressed a lot like a farmer. He told us he was gonna take us to someone named Francis? Miss and Sir looked super nervous when the guy said that. Is Francis a bully?

I was so lost in thought, I didn’t even realize our escort talking to me. “Hey there, you look a bit distressed. Is everything alright, little one?” the guy asked with a smile, not stopping for a second. I replied, “I’m fine, I just like to think a lot. Thank you for asking.” “And what do you like to think about?” I saw Miss and Sir let out a sigh of relief out of the corner of my eye. They probably thought I would screw up...like usual, “Oh, just things I can draw later or books I’ve read.” The blond guy chuckled, “You like the children’s books about Momotaro right?” I shook my head and told him that those were good for learning new words, but I liked the Tattoo Murder by Akimitsu Takagi. I explained that a servant read it for me and every other murder mystery mommy and daddy had. If I call them Miss and Sir in front of these people, they might get mad and then after we leave, they’ll take me to the lab they do work in and I DON’T want to go back there...The guy was a bit surprised by my answer, or at least, his face showed it, but it quickly turned back into a smile, “If you like reading and murder mysteries that much, then you and our architect would get along very well!” It was as if he hadn’t been surprised at all. I am curious about their architect though...no! Curiosity kills the cat! We arrived at a set of red doors and I held my head up, trying to hide any tears of fear of who was behind the door.

The farmer guy pushed the doors open revealing another blond man in a white suit talking to a girl with glasses holding papers, maybe she’s his secretary? He gave off an aura of power as he smirked at us and leaned back into the couch he was sitting on. I felt Miss and Sir’s nervousness increase as the other two people left. There was a thick tension in the air until Francis(?) spoke with a smile, “Eliza! Damien! It’s so good to see you both again. I take it this is your daughter you spoke of?” Sir responded with a nervous smile, “It’s great to see you as well. Yes, this is our daughter, (Reader).” Hearing my name, I curtsied and said, “It’s a pleasure to meet you.” The man in the white suit grinned with mischief in his eyes and picked up his wine glass. He shifted his gaze back to my parents and began to speak again, “Damien...I’ve heard that your business has began to decline in profit, is this true?” “Yes Francis, it is, but it is simply a result from the decline in the demand fo-” SLAP!!! A loud sound was heard from Francis slapping his glove across Sir’s face with a displeased look, “You seriously excuse your failures through the decrease in demand? If that ever happens, you get your marketers to work on attracting customers back; creating new products, use billboards, anything works as long as it brings in the customers you’re losing.” The man dressed in white sighed in clear disappointment, a sound I know all too well… “Unfortunately, we’ll have to exclude you and Eliza from the Guild. I’m sure you can understand.”

BANG!!! A gunshot rang out and my daddy’s body fell to the floor. I froze up as I gazed at the sight. D-Daddy is…actually dead…BANG!!! BANG!!! Two more shots came from the direction of Francis causing my mommy to also fall, blood staining her dress. I snapped out of my trance and ran as fast as I could into the hallway, abandoning my flats to make it easier to run.

I passed by a man dressed like a priest. I got about seven feet away before his ability pulled me back. “And where do you think you are going, little one?” I looked back and saw a chain of letters forming a rope, lifting me up by the back of my dress. Seeing the killer in the white suit catching up with his coworkers, I grabbed onto the letter-chain-things and ripped the bottom half of my dress. I kept running and running until my stamina began to run low.

I went into a random dark room and hid in the first place I saw…underneath a desk😥. I held my legs as I curled into a ball, trying not to make too much noise while tears fell from my eyes. Then, I heard a voice, “What’s that, Karl?” Footsteps grew louder as they approached where I was hiding and I shut my eyes tightly, waiting for the man to find and kill me. I heard a light and surprised voice, “Oh, there’s a child under my desk.” I opened my eyes and saw the man peering under the desk with a raccoon next to him. I gave him a look of pure fear and weakly asked, “Please don’t kill me…” The man with disheveled brown hair covering his eyes paused for a moment as if he were contemplating something.

Suddenly, there was a knock on the door…or the desk, it was hard to tell. I heard a door slam open and the voice of the guy I talked to before meeting Francis, “Hey Poe, have you seen a little girl in a purple dress at all? Francis is looking for her.” His voice sounded so innocent, it almost made me sick. “What are you doing underneath your desk? Did you find her?” I tried to motion to the ‘Poe’ guy not to tell the other man where I was. He stood up and showed a pen, “I just dropped my pen, but I have not seen a little girl come by.” “Well, if you do find her, please bring her to Francis’s office immediately, even if that means using your ability.” With that, the door slammed shut.

A silence filled the air afterwards until ‘Poe’ bent back down and broke the silence, “It’s ok, you can come out now, little one.” He gave me a small smile and reached out his hand to me. Hesitantly, I took it, slowly getting up allowing him to see my ripped dress and messed up hair. “You look terrible. What happened?” He guided me to a couch and I explained everything, getting teary when I started talking about my parents, er, former parents. He placed a hand on his chin and seemed to be thinking about something with the raccoon on his head. “What is your name?” “(Reader’s full name)” “They won’t stop hunting you down until you’re found and dead; however, if I take you in, I can convince Francis and the others to leave you alone.” I hesitated at this, on one hand, I’d be safe from everyone here and I’d have a new place to call home, but on the other hand, they might not accept me as his daughter and still have me killed. I placed my hand on his and smiled at him, “That sounds great. Oh, what’s your name by the way?” I asked this already having an idea thanks to the man from earlier, but his response confirmed it, “I am Edgar Allen Poe, but you may call me Poe. This is Karl, my friend.” Karl sat on my lap and started to fall asleep. I can already tell I’m going to like my new family.

#platonic poe bsd #platonic bsd #platonic bungo stray dogs #poe bsd #poe bungou stray dogs #edgar allen poe bsd #platonic poe x reader bsd #francis bsd #bsd steinbeck #john steinbeck bsd #louisa bsd #nathaniel hawthorne bsd #hawthorne bsd

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ace-reviews · 10 months

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Anime Review: Four Romcoms

Skip and Loafer won this season's poll to see which anime would get reviewed, but I accidentally only set the poll for a day instead of a week and don't really have enough to say about it to fill a full review, so instead I'm going to review all four of the romance anime I watched this season.

Skip and Loafer

Where to Watch: crunchyroll

Basic Premise: over-achieving rural girl moves to tokyo and almost immediately befriends a former child actor

Maybe it's because I'm too old, maybe the stuff that has the manga readers singing this series' praises all over the internet doesn't really kick in until after the part where the anime ends, maybe it's because the mere existence of a trans person that isn't a joke isn't enough for me to automatically declare something a once-in-a-generation masterpiece (though it is definitely always nice), or maybe it just had the bad luck to air in the same season as the beautifully produced adaptation of one of my current favorite manga, but I don't really get what all the fuss is about. It's a good show. I enjoyed it immensely. I do not think it's the greatest high school romance of all time or whatever.

Mitsumi is a great protagonist, she and Shima manage to avoid any of the contrived pitfalls that typically plague high school romcom anime, the supporting cast are all fun and distinctive, and it's got a trans character that isn't a joke and is allowed to have a character other than being the token queer, and every single joke and emotional beat lands as intended. Any issues I have are 100% "me" problems and mainly boil down to my having let my expectations get raised a little bit higher than I probably should have. Definitely check it out. Just, y'know, don't expect anything life-changing.

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My Love Story with Yamada-kun at LV999

Where to Watch: crunchyroll

Basic Premise: college girl copes with getting dumped by becoming rl friends with her mmo guildmates

I tease, but this is one of those rare cases where the romance between the legal adult and the still-technically-a-child doesn't bother me too much. For one thing, Yamada is 18 so he crosses the "half-your-age-plus-seven" threshold, and for another, he has a job and is living independently so he and Akane are roughly at the same life stage despite one of them being in college and the other being in high school. If anything, it's more an aesthetic choice. Yamada could have been a freshman at her college or not been a student of any kind at all and all that would really change is the outfit he wears sometimes.

Either way, this show is just a lot of fun. The cast is great, it's got the cutest old man character in the history of either old men or characters, almost every single joke lands, and it's vague enough about the mechanics of it's fake MMO (which is apparently based on an actual MMO that I've never played or heard of) that I didn't have to spend any time being distracted by nitpicks like an absurdly high level cap or a weirdly empty hotbar.

If a hole was left in your heart by the revelation that Recovery of an MMO Junkie was directed by a piece of shit, this could be the show to fill it.

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Kubo Won't Let Me Be Invisible

Where to Watch: hidive

Basic Premise: girl pokes gentle fun at almost-supernaturally unassuming boy

This is technically a Winter 2023 anime, but it got hit by COVID delays so it didn't finish up until this season. This ended up doing it no favors, because although the overall production quality remained solid from beginning to end, it suddenly had to compete with another romcom with a similar premise that was better in pretty much every single respect.

That being said, this is still a very cute anime based on a very cute manga that deserves much more attention that it got. On the scale of "cute girl teases lame boy into liking her" anime, this is very solidly on the Teasing Master Takagi-san side of family friendliness, and is mainly a "nice people being nice to each other" type of iyashikei anime that may not be everyone's cup of tea, but is quite enjoyable if it is.

My only mark against it is that even though Shiraishi's whole thing is that he's supposed to be the mobbest of mob characters, the actual mob characters don't have eyes, so he's still very clearly a Main Character, which is like. C'mon, guys. You had one job.

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Dangers In My Heart

Where to Watch: hidive

Basic Premise: anxious loner gets dragged out of his shell by the most popular girl in his class

This is the series that I so cleverly alluded to twice already in this review. It's based on my favorite romance manga since Fruits Basket. It's got nearly the same basic premise as Kubo-san but executed far better in every single area it could be. I finished every episode with a huge grin and a warm heart.

Some viewers may have been put off by the description and opening scene that made it seem like it was about a kid planning to murder his classmates, but it's made clear very early on that the kid is just being 14. There isn't even any bullying--just a shy, awkward kid who is more or less left alone because his classmates figure he wants to be, and the latent murderer bit is dropped entirely by the end of episode 3.

I went into the anime as a manga fan with high expectations and every single one of them was met and then surpassed. It's getting a second season in January and I could not be more excited. If you watch nothing else on this list, watch Dangers In My Heart.

#skip and loafer #dangers in my heart #my love story with yamada kun at lv999 #kubo won't let me be invisible #spring 2023

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akai-anna · 4 months

Note

HEY THERE MY LOVELY MUTUAL <3 <3 (I love when you reblog and queue my posts ur actually amazing ily so much I love reading your tags hugs hugs hugs <3 <3 <3 im in love, giggling kicking my feet everyday)

SAW THE CHARACTERS OPINION BINGO U REBLOGGED 👍 I GOTCHU

TAKAGI. BABY BOI OF DCMK (I remember seeing a poll rolling around somewhere about the most dcmk baby girl and Takagi won)

I will also have to have to ask you about Kaito HAHAH (my fav blorbo i will admit)

ok the thing is im from australia. choose an australian animal of your choice bc i am Intrigued. im not too sure how the bingo would translate though hahahah I don't think it would work very well

(feel free to also ask me anything or talk to me and about this bingo too >v0 b)

wait you know what i forgot LOL WE GOTTA HAVE THE PROTAGONIST DUO SHIN/CONE AS WELL. PLS

*LIGHTS UP LIKE A CHRISTMAS TREE* MY DEAR MUTUAL, HI CYN, HELLO!!!!

Firstly: WE'VE NEVER TALKED BEFORE BUT LET ME TELL YOU, I WAS (still am) SMILING LIKE AN IDIOT WHEN I SAW YOU SEND IN AN ASK! Yes, I keep track and i'm always happy to see you in my activity and my dash! (I'm also really happy to see we mutually share that feeling; I relate to the giggling kicking feet sentiment a lot.) I'm happy to have this chance to interact with you, in a sense, face to face! Bless you, darling, and I'm sending hugs right back at you.

Secondly: YOU HAVE EXCELLENT TASTE AND YOU HAVE MY ETERNAL ADORATION ESPECIALLY FOR ONE TAKAGI WATARU, he always needs more love, I FREAKING ADORE THAT MAN.

Thirdly: warning notes apply, as stated in previous asks:

I tend to interpret things liberally: only my own rules apply, which means ->

I check everything that makes sense to me, even if they might seem contradictory

The Character Opinion Bingo in question

Prepare for endless ranting. And as a certain someone says: さあ��ョーの始まりだわ!

I. Takagi Wataru

The Babygirl and Malewife of My Heart Personal Special Tag: #takagi is a good man

Points that I feel need a little elaboration:

I am so normal about them: I use the word "normal" as a synonym for "utterly obsessed with" and "absolutely love and adore". (I don't like the word in itself, hence, the only context I use it in, is this. But that is another story.)

*puts them in a salad spinner*: as in, the salad spinner is my brain, and he keeps rotating in it at high centrifugal force.

Canon isn't real if I don't look at it and That's a solid design right there: Detco Canon is... As much as I love it, I think we can agree it has its shortcomings/issues, and one of them is coming up. These two points go hand in hand at this moment because LOOK AT HIM!!! LOOK AT HIM!!! THIS MAN IS A BABY!!! LOOK AT HIM, HE'S PERFECT!!! THE SPIKY HAIR!!! THE SHAPES!!! THE COLOUR PALETTE!!! HE'S SO CUTE!!

I resonate with this particular video: his new design in the anime (partly thanks to the general Square-and-Pointy-fication) is just... THEY HAD THE PERFECT MAN. IT'S A CRIME. Bless that he is at least still cute in the manga, even if not the same way as in the early anime. The sharp cheekbones and soft looking hair have their charm.

My point is: THIS!!!! MAN!!! IS!!! A BABY!!!!

Literally I would kiss them and I want to BITE them: he makes me go FERAL with LOVE, and makes me feel like I want to gnaw on something or eat a whole fridge or scream endlessly into a pillow. I wouldn't do it to HIM (I'll leave that to Satou Miwako), but generally, the feeling is there. (Okay, I'll be honest, I would totally give him forehead, cheek, or hair kisses.)

To close his section, have one of my favourite bits about this Baby Of A Man. That poll was absolutely right about him, THE ULTIMATE BABYGIRL (and Malewife TM).

⊱✿⊰

II. Kuroba Kaito/Kaitou KID

The Local Mischief and Chaos Bringer Personal Special Tag: #the magical agent of chaos

LOL I DIDN'T EXPECT TO GET A BINGO, EVEN WITH THE FREE SPACE HAHA

Some points are the same as for Takagi, but here is elaboration on the ones that don't match:

Bastard, A Beast Unleashed and They didn't get bullied enough: let's be real. He's an Absolute Menace. And I sort of love that about him. Highly competent (competency makes me go weak), and if that is not scary (and hot) I don't know what. And sometimes he also goes too far (lifting skirts is not okay at all, Kaito) and needs someone to put a leash on him (or kick a soccer ball at him/chase him in a classroom). I feel that sometimes he needs a bit of bullying a challenge, to think about things. And again, honesty: I love seeing him suffer a bit, I love his Panic Moments LOL. Not in a mean way. But I also love how kind he is; the baseball chapter in the MK manga has my heart, and the Clock Tower Heist, and the Red Tear chapter... Not to mention the Nightmare arc. He cares about people and making others happy. I feel I went on a tangent here. Onto the bastard bit: he CAN BE SUCH A BASTARD AND I LOVE THAT ABOUT HIM TOO. Two of my favourite bits of Bastardry from him include 1) HOW HE DISGUISED AS RAN AND HOW HE BAITED SHINICHI AT THE VERY END OF THAT ENCOUNTER and 2) THE WAY HE SENDS SHINICHI CAREENING IN THE SIDECAR LIKE IT'S NOTHING (but also Shinichi getting right back at him and setting fire to the fckin fuel.) Pure Bastard Energy.

I want their gender: I love the way he is just so free-spirited about how he dresses/disguises. And I love the thought of him and Aoko doing outfit swaps (I blame that competition in MK for these. Also look at these delightful posts on the topic).

Canon isn't real if I don't look at it: I have... issues, with canon, you could say. Like the way he has no support system, especially bothers me. I would like to see his character treated with more care (be it MK or DetCo). I live for good character development, and I crave that for him.

To close this section, have one of my favourite conversations between these two menaces of nature.

⊱✿⊰

III. Australian Animal of Choice: Koala

Fun fact: I've been in love with koalas ever since I got a keyholder plushie from relatives in Australia when I was like... in kindergarten? Or early elementary? Also don't worry, *puts on sunglasses* I wouldn't have mentioned animals, if I thought I couldn't work with them.

Elaboration is needed here I feel.

I am so normal about them: I'm not as obsessed as I used to be but I'm eternally fond of koalas. Did you know their fingerprints are so similar to us they could be mistaken for human fingerprints? Or how they spend most of their time sleeping because the eucalyptus they consume is toxic? Or how they can actually swim well? Or how they are literally surviving by being Dumb As Shit because Being Dumb Saves Energy? Yeah, I'm totally normal about them.

*projects onto them like a mf* and I want their gender: Oh to be a koala, just existing, sleeping, sometimes waking up to eat some eucalyptus, then going right back to sleep. I want that.

That's a solid design right there: HAVE YOU SEEN THEM? SO FLUFFY LOOKING!!! WITH BIG CLAWS!!! THE BIG NOSE!!! SO SHAPED!!! NOT TO MENTION THE EARS!!!

They are so silly and They Sure Do Exist: how did this animal even come into existence? Weird lil creatures. THEY ARE JUST SO SILLY. THE NOISES THE MAKE. Like oh my god.

Literally I would kiss them: THEY JUST LOOK SO SOFT, HOW DO YOU EXPECT ME NOT TO BURY MY FACE IN THE FUR?

⊱✿⊰

IV. Kudou Shinichi/Edogawa Conan

*Prof Agasa voice* He has many nicknames, like Gremlin Child, Absolute Menace, Ultimate Baby, Lil Nerd, Walking Encyclopedia Son, or Disaster Child. I think I call him as many names as I do my dear Rosie, so that is quite telling LMAO Personal Special Tag: #the detective gremlin

HDSBSKDB DOUBLE BINGO (AND ALMOST 4 BC HE'S ALSO DET'S FAV, SO ALMOST CROSSED OUT PROXY TOO KSJNVKSVNJS OK, my love for him is showing, I guess)

EDIT: FCKIN TRIPLE BINGO AS @vampirecatsw POINTED OUT oh my god, I'm blind

Again, some thoughts on relevant bits.

*projects onto them like a mf*: THIS CHILD IS SO FCKIN NEURODIVERGENT, AND I FCKIN RELATE, ALSO HE LOVES AND CARES SO DEEPLY IT HURTS AND I RELATE SO HARD.

A Beast Unleashed: another MENACE OF NATURE. You cannot let him roam free, he finds trouble like it's Breathing. Also love it when he goes ballistic. Or when he shows how competent he is. Like GOD. HE'S AMAZING, and he's a danger to criminals and himself, mostly.

Everyone else if wrong about them: not EVERYONE, just... some people. We agreed with a friend that some of our issues in portrayal lies with the fandom sort assigning him traits that Hakuba has, but not Shinichi (Hakubification). Of course, people can have their fun with it, but it's not for me and have my own opinions on the matter.

Canon isn't real if I don't look at it: again, DetCo has issues. Like the lack of continuity/ erased character development, or not bringing up issues ever again, and the like. Early DetCo was GOOD at these, and I miss those times.

That's a solid design right there and I fuck with this aesthetic so hard: HE IS!!!! SO SHAPED!!!!! SO ROUND!!! (or at least used to be) THE GENTLE CURVES OF HIS FACE!!! THE SILLY HAIR!!!! NOT TO MENTION HIS FCKIN WARDROBE!!!! I'M OBSESSED WITH HIM!!! Also, I have a huge thing for blue eyes and dark hair combination, not to mention the glasses... I'm fckin weak for glasses... god. He just hits all the right spots in my heart and brain. (Not to mention his personality, I WANT TO CRY I LOVE HIM SO MUCH-)

They didn't get bullied enough: I live for others teasing Gremlin Child. It's not quite bullying (never HURT HIM FOR REAL, I'LL CRY), but he needs to be TEASED MORE FOR SURE. I guess Bastardry also fits into this, that's good too.

SQUEAK: sometimes he is just so DUMB I want to SQUISH HIM HARD OR SHAKE HIM. I LOVE HIM, I SO DO, even if he is an idiot at times. God. I love him.

Literally I would kiss them and I want to BITE them: HIS CHEEKS ARE SO PERFECTLY ROUND I WANT TO CHOMP ON THEM. ALSO ALL THE KISSES TO HIM!!!!! BABY BOY!!!! GIVE HIM ALL THE KISSES!!!! AND HUGS TOO!!!

Bastard: the way he FCKS WITH SOME CRIMINALS. OH MY GOD. THE WAY HE IS SOMETIMES A MENACE ON PURPOSE. THE WAY HE SOMETIMES GETS SO ANNOYED HE JUST GOES FOR HIS WATCH. Also the way he is an absolute bastard to KID. His attitude is just so. *chef kiss* Love a menace of a child, HE'S AMAZING. HIS RAZOR SHARP SMIRK, THE MISCHIEVOUS CHILD FACE.

I have way too many favourite bits related to this boi. So. Have these random screencaps from my DCMK folder.

I hope you have fun reading this madness, Cyn! I HAD AN ABSOLUTE BLAST, YOU HAVE MY ETERNAL LOVE, may you have an absolutely blessed day, dear.

#detective conan #magic kaito #la junk talks #detco posting #asks #vampirecatsw #did i make shinichi be the 4th bc of a pun? totally #i've been infected with sillypunnitis #you literally went and asked about my favourites you are the best #(tho. that is not hard to do bc i adore so many characters in detco fkvjnfdvkjfnk i'm obsessed TM)#may you have fun reading this word vomit hahahah #god can you tell i love talking about them? gosh bc i do #also me thinking about what it tells about me that i would not SQUEAK takagi #but i would shinichi ksjfndfjvndfk #takagi wataru: too good to be squeaked

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