#take on the mental state of a fuck boy as a woman and the dudes come crawling back every time

[anto-pops]

Pardon my French:

He looks like he gets hella bitches

……He absolutely does but I do too so it’s okay LMAO 💀

[pepper-makes-art]

relavity falls stans, graunts, n friends

oK THEYRE HERE NOW AND NOT JUST FIDDLEFORD!!!

fiddleford can be found here!!!

i wish i could've done more sketches but im a bit busy atm </3 will def do some on the weekends though!!

on the au:

instead of taking place in 2014, it takes place in 2024 now! which doesnt rlly change much outside of appearances and slang lol.

bold is what their au name is

stanford (ford) <--> dipper

pretty self explanatory! i feel like stanford'd be an x-men fan, hence the x patch on his shoulder lol. also yes, dipper is a trans woman here. and she has glasses bc fuck dude i hate drawing regular eyes.. i thought the design looked a bit empty, so i decided to make that cool glove thing ford had dipper's robot hand thingy!

stanley (lee) <--> mabel (mason)

stanley now wears a hat. hoorah. nothing much to say here besides him also smuggling shanklin in (w/o the knife unfortunately). mabel's still impersonating her sibling (who, before the portal scene, doesn't know that she's a girl now) under the name of mason, but has ultimately shed her sibling's fashion tastes for her own. mabel wears a turtleneck UNDER the suit bc she doesnt feel heat apparently!

candy <--> wendy

candy's now a 15 yo asian kid who took up the cashier job under grauntie bc she needed more extracurriculars and the experience. totally cant relate to that haha. wendy's now a 12 yo mischievous lil lumberjack who's best friends w/ stanley (i thought it'd be interesting since theyre all now still associated w each other) and who has ALL the middle school tea (which is A LOT)

grenda <--> soos

as much as i want the ages to line up relatively (haha get it.), i think it'd be funny if mabel just hired a bunch of teenagers to run the shack (not sure what to call it). grenda's the 15 yo handy(wo)man who has the voice of an angel and the golden mentality of "smash with couch"! soos is now a friendly n equally naive 12 yo who's best friends w stanely (yada yada) and who somehow always solves problems

on dipper and mabel (will be using he/him for pre-transition dipp):

hoo boy. i see SO many ppl arguing abt their relationship, and i just gotta say, i can tell who has siblings and who doesn't! (joke. thats a joke. mostly) anyways, theyre good siblings!! up until high school, where after drifting apart somewhat, they have a big argument abt where theyre going in life - dipper wants to go to insert rlly good college name and become a scientist while mabel, well, she doesn't know where she wants to go. unbeknownst to them, while theyre fighting, their parents are also fighting. suddenly, their parents split, and mabel is forced to live with her mom and dipper with his dad, far apart from each other. dipper (wearily) accepts this while mabel silently resents dipper for his submission

dipper attends his dream school but is unhappy in his schooling years. afterwards, with his 12 phds or whatever the hell, he goes to a quaint town named relativity falls... mabel becomes an artist of sorts, taking commissions n such, but finds that this doesn't exactly lead to profit. she then becomes a sort of con(wo)man and psychic in attempts to capitalize the strange. she DEF doesn't get into as much srs trouble as stanley did back in his day, but she still lands herself in hot water from scamming and stealing across state lines...

im tired rn so lmk if yall wanna hear more lol.

[sokumotanaka]

So I didn't hyjack this poor person's post over [here.]

I thought making my own post would be the most logical conclusion. So it takes alot in my opinion to bury your head in the ground and pretend like you smart when you're so overly stupid.

Here's a discussion I had with a person where alot of alarming and stupid things were said on his part. @/crimsonxe

Well go through small sections, that's a lie, you know I'm long winded.

Here's a section where he states that writing about killing, maiming, and calling minorities bad isn't nearly as bad. I mentioned Miles calling Tifa a prostitute as well and I don't think he's getting it.

Manner of dress:

The problem isn't getting over it or not, the issue with calling remake Tifa a prosisitue is that she dresses more modest than the rwby cast, he has children with short skirts, no pants under and boob windows in frozen tundra. If he thinks THIS is provocative,

then him okaying THESE

designs on children is something he's mentally aware of! also weiss spends most of her time in that outfit in a frozen wasteland and then COMPLAINS about being cold!

Get over it? More like Have enough common sense not to post stuff like that. A wise man once said "just because you think of a tweet doesn't mean you have to hit send." (Also he says it's not fanservicey, need I remind everyone they sell a ruby body pillow, Yang always had her tits out and then as time goes on they start losing more and more clothing. Not fanservice my ass!)

Grown man argument for sexualizing teen girls.

"They don't go overboard." Here's a picture of a woman wearing chainmail on her bare skin in the desert, there's a difference between puritanical and horny silly designs after them saying shit like "we won't do the stupid stuff anime does" and then having the whole cast of female characters with their tits and ass out.

Also not to stun your pee brain, but writing racism as "If we want respect and equality then we have to forgive our bigot overlords and defend them with not even a thank you." Is stupid, that be like me telling you that if you want minorities forgiveness, go fight cops, or me going to england and saying that. Blake tells unrelated faunus to fight armed dudes and the writers are stupid. And the overall issue is HBomberguy was right! In his review he stated that he was afraid that a certain group of people would look at how the faunus act and go "yeah that's how They are" uncharitable takes exist.

And he was right a bunch of RWBY stans who were racist before vanishing literally came around going "boy did miles and kerry get you guys pegged, you're all exactly like this!" During the 98% most peaceful protesting age, well unless your a cop who wants to shoot out someone's eyes.

The LGBT pair (s)?

Yeah like the cardboard cutout guys miles pouted about when he didn't get credit for putting out there after people in the LGBT community asked when were the LGBT characters gonna appear.

The first Gay rep in the show was two unrelated characters we'd never see again after saying "characters" just don't promise things then lie forehead!

Or the second Rep LGBT character Illia! A woman who took her crush and was gonna- *Looks at paper* Send her to her abuser while also blaming her for dating someone and not knowing her romantic feelings.

"I guess you were too busy looking at Adam to notice me."

Yeah great first cardboard then a woman willing to kill off her her crushes family and blames her crush for not knowing she had a crush on her!

Oh how about bumblbee? With Yang literally saying she viewed Blake as an object and wanted her around for her solely? You know fuck what Blake wants! Blaming Blake for running in fear when WF ruin a nation and Adam states he'll kill everyone she loves and he knows exactly where her parents are? Perish the thought, that sounds like something a scared child would exactly do! But Yang goes "No despite us not officially dating yet I'm owed her time and presence.

Yang's shitty, and it takes how long for them to get together? They don't even wait until adam cold before Yang claims her, after abusing her mentally when Blake tells her Adam likes to make you feel small and she brushes her off and is like "stop talking to me." Then they kiss what? THIS year? 2023? In volume 3 sun's winking at her and she's blushing and smiling and calling him a dork and they're hanging out, and I'm sitting here going "Do some of that for yang? All they did was share a dance, have her flirt with her or wink, something." And what she compliments her hair once? Granted I stopped after 7/8 so I bet the best LGBT rep happ- This just in, I'm getting word from my friends in the LGBT community who watched rwby saying that it's dogshit.

Having tons of LBGT characters doesn't matter if you write them like trash I guess, btw the first kiss happened in volume 9 in 2023 and rwby started in 015 and again sun flirts, winks etc and they show alot of chemistry with each other.

Yang gets mad, demands blake be there when EVERYONE else is going back home too! Trauma dumps on her after using a laser pointer on her when Blake admits that she's tired of dealing with racism.

Like instead of talking to her, Yang treats her like an animal an laughs it off then trauma dumps about her mom on her while blake is already highly stressed. Doesn't even solve the problem btw. All the LGBT characters thus far (besides Jaune's sister and her girlfriend, they can stay, sadly they're trapped in a shitty show) are horribly written for no reason.

A second writer should look at these before they hit the screen.

Racism

He talks about a south park reference which I ignored cause it's so random?

racist dog whistling.

"Mika burton spun things a certain way." Nah there's tweets w of people admitting they fucked up and the achievement hunters go online , they bring her on a podcast and pretend to cry so people can feel bad for them. And good for her she doesn't forgive them. So spinning around? How about a source? Source can't be that you made it the fuck up cause that's not a source it's a sentence wasting everyone's time.

Also "Mile's isn't white." Aw man what am I gonna tell mile's white parent? Sorry some dude on the internet said your son can't be half white, sorry me I can't be half black, or Hawaiian, Sorry Miles because you look more black your Hispanic traits don't matter for the sake of the argument. What kinda of Juvenile , stupid statement IS this? He can't be white because you say so? But he calls himself white in many tweets and literally in the statement of writing racism in RWBY.

Also nice try, moving the goalpost means you can't lose. "I'm not defending him, now watch as I waste time defending him instead of finding a source against Mika's claims cause I'm bullshitting." I mean Mika doesn't even have a reason to lie, RT employees all admitted they heard and did nothing, Torian a black animator and editor also stated he had race issues with RT and Pat boivan from Castle super beast and pat stares at made a black joke that Miles and select few members laughed at in terms of them having no black or brown people working there. And they ignore woolie when it comes to sponsored stuff, he literally says this on multiple episodes of his show, and THAT's Worrying!

Point is if Miles himself is racist, weather he's white, Hispanic, black etc he still displayed racist behavior multiple times too many. He had a chance to say something to his employees, he didn't bother, he got nervous and waked off. He had the chance when he put BLM after the lashings he got and do something with that, change the company for the better etc, but he didn't he put it there as a band-aid and took it off when he thought people weren't looking.

I keep beating this dead horse because people like you don't seem to do research at all! Because in the face of it it's easier to lie, play dumb (pffft 'play') and make excuses for them instead of holding them accountable.

I didn't want to see RT burn down for a while, but they keep pulling a blizzard, and all these, tweets, articles, statements that miles or the others say or do that's stupid, harmful, racist, shitty keep popping up! At this point it be better as a lesson not to be shitty humans for RT to quietly burn, no special treatment, I'm holding them to the same standard I do for David cage, for activation Blizzard and many other triple A companies. If you don't wanna go down in flames, maybe don't do reprehensible things that keep burning bridges for you. Simple, don't be stupid forhead!

The real mornic stuff was listening to you try and fail at mental gymnastics and not provide a single source for anything you claimed I should "be in awe" of or switching the goal post. RT.s failing and they stacked the deck against themselves, THAT's why people hate them, statements like they saying that when yang drives down the crossroads to Mistral and people guessing she's going to Ruby only for them to like and say "if you heard the bike go one way." These critics, video's, and articles don't exist for no reason.

Pathetic, utterly pathetic, you boasted a big game , puffed out your chest and then walked straight into a cold clock and got your ass handed to you for several rounds. For someone who boasted about "getting in the ring" No flatter yourself, you weren't even competiton.

[strykingback]

Jaune Arc. The most HORRENDOUS example of a FUCKING KNIGHT.

Trigger warning for this being a drunk as hell post because I decided to drink after a long day of Valentines BS and wanting to make thi post to make one teensy weensy Jaune Stan mad.

Oh yes Rooster Teeth and CRWBY I'm gonna fuckin' shit all over your useless-ass knight character. Why? Because I fuckin' can. So eat a whole ass fucking dick.

So you know Jaune Arc from RWBY right? Literally the "knight character" of the series right. WELL FUCKIN' WRONG. Cause this knight is the example of "I Wanna Be the Main Character" syndrome and literally betrays everything that a knight is meant to do.

So as we know Jaune is meant to be a reference or referred by his naming convention to the actual JOAN OF ARC

Joan of Arc who is well known as history's most bravest female knight of all time. Who had managed to push back many British soldiers all while she received a vision from God in order to continue her rage against the British invaders during the Hundred Years War. Now if we're talking about the Arthurian Legend then this talk would be hella different.

Now starting things off. What pisses me off the most is why wasnt Jaune a fucking woman to kick things off. Like one of the most influential knights in human history being reduced to a secondary wannabe "I wanna be the MC" head-ass boy. Like not gonna lie it would have been much better if he was one cause it would have made a lot more sense if their semblance was seeing events before they happened which woulda made more sense and would have fit Jaune's historical illusion.

But naw. Make his semblance the generic. "I Need Healing" head-ass.

now this would mean that he would be following the Code of Chivalry which this useless-ass knight has failed in so many levels. Take note that there are two Code's of Chivalry one from the Song of Roland and one from the Arthurian Legend of King Arthur. and the following two state.

Song of Roland’s Code of Chivalry: 

Fear God and His Church Serve the liege lord in valor and faith Protect the weak and defenseless Live by honor and for glory Respect the honor of women

King Arthurs version of the Code of Chivalry: 

Honor Honesty Loyalty Valor

Immediately right off the bat we know for certain that Jaune does not respect the honor of women especially in Vol 9 where Ruby has a whole ass mental break down but Jaune says "Oooh I M THE MAIN CHARACTER! YOUR JUST A FUCKIN' BITCH AND YOU NEED TO LET ME HAVE THE SPOTLIGHT" like tell me that is immediately a massive fail especially when Jaune had respected Pyrrha so much so to the point where this man had multiple different arcs over the course of what. six fucking seasons and still has not gotten over her death. Now yes he did follow through with Penny's Idea.... which was a horrendous idea not gonna lie....

Dude shes fuckin' dead. MOVE ON WITH THE LESSONS SHE HAS TAUGHT YOU. YA FUCKIN' REDDIT MOD LOOKING HEAD-ASS!!!!

Next would have to be Honesty has he literally cheated to get in. Now I count this as a half fail. cause he did prove to have potential in the earlier seasons of RWBY but at the same time. He lied to get into Beacon Academy. which only made me think.... what did Monty cook up for him before Rooster Teeth and CRWBY fucked everything . Another would have to be Loyalty which is a hardcore fail. As he assisted RWBY (aka the four terrorists) into literally destroying an ENTIRE FUCKIING KINGDOM. Actually TWO if you're counting Mantle. Which is just fucking stupid cause this man would warn people and then suddenly everything has to focus around him like once again "Main Character Syndrome." instead of Ruby Rose who IS SUFFERING IN VOLUME NINE!!! Oh Oh Oh. but wait theres more.

but then when Ruby does the Unalive congo and everyone is shocked.. guess what everyone has to hug Jaune cause he is going through shit. When Ruby had it worse!!!

Aka The Four Dumb Fucks who wont realize their Leader just unalived themselves and they just hug the "Main Character Syndrome: Jaune who is going through it instead of mourning Ruby.

What is there in Honor for a man who barely can honor a friends death no less in the "possible afterlife"

Valor- Dude is the example of I'm a fuckin' coward and I need assistance in order to harm the big fuckin' bad.

Loyalty- Jaune " I followed my friends to destroy an entire Kingdom" Arc.

Everybody Jaune Arc. Is Full o' bullshit and he is the worst example of a fuckin' knight who should never get an arc again!

[awkwardwithapause263]

Spoilers for Episode 3 of Mayfair Witches if you haven’t watched.

The sheer audacity of Carlotta be like hi, I’m your great aunt and the dead woman was your mother why don’t you come back to my place. Knowing damn well she snatched Rowan from Deirdre then kept Deirdre in a catatonic state for thirty plus years then wanna be all woe is me I failed her, our family and god then jumps to oh look he’s looking for his whore but wait she’s made of stronger stuff than her mother. Bitch! Her words alone after the things she’s done make me despise her, but binding that innocent woman to Lasher knowing Lasher would kill her in one of the worst ways imaginable all because she did the morally right thing makes me be like I won’t be sad or sorry when you get pushed off that balcony.

How was Lasher able to leave the grounds if he was bound to the maid?

It was Cortland that killed her why else would he be in such a shock at himself like oh my god I did that combined with I know you’re upset I loved her too, but on the bight side you’re now free to bind with the thirteen witch and the fact Lasher was beyond pissed off at him.

So I was right about Ciprien getting there and Rowan deciding to go with him instead and about the safe house being what is keeping Lasher at bay.

Ciprien my dude don’t you know you never tell a woman how she feels even if you know how she feels and anyways it would have seemed like a invasion of privacy if someone told me I know what you feel I felt it when I touched you even if it was done on accident.

People can’t be that gullible to the point he can get into the crime scene and the morgue without much effort.

The medical examiner was an insensitive dick people really should do a thorough background check when hiring and then continuous ones throughout their employment.

Up until their final scene together Lasher and Rowan felt like a drugged girl awkwardly making her way down the block while some guy is taking advantage which I guess is what we’re meant to get from it. I was mentally screaming come on Rowan some woman is insistent you have a drink even when you told her no(when she popped up and started talking I was like who is this some old friend of Deirdre) then some guy appears after you have that drink in a mask. Stop and think about it that’s him. Inside the episode someone said he and Rowan bonded over shared grief I agree in the beginning when he was that woman they did.

He had absolute nothing to say for himself when Rowan snapped out of it and figured out wait this isn’t right you aren’t my mother it’s you it was you all along.

And girl what the fuck are you doing wandering around at night when there’s a psycho demon after you I would have stayed near that building and gone immediately back inside once it was all clear.

I was expecting those boys to follow Rowan then Lasher to swoop in and kill them all to appear the hero.

I wonder if Ciprien’s sister is going come back into play, those heels underneath the couch were a one night stand kind of moment, why is she working in heels pregnant, when she said are you seeing my brother I was like not yet she’s not, Rowan sweetie now is not the time to project your shit onto other people.

Cortland was going through Rowan’s belongings uh excuse you sir?

That last scene with Ciprien and Rowan was cheesy, cute, sincere and kinda intimate.

Love how we getting an expanse on magic and how the physical manifestation of Ciprien’s ability has adapted. In the first two episodes it was like a portal opened and he saw what was behind the object he was touching now it’s like we see a reflection of what he sees via his glasses.

Might add more.

This episode didn’t get me pumped for the next one which I guess is the point being it’s meant to be very solemn.

Was Lasher aware that Rowan felt what he was doing to Deirdre? Doesn’t seem so.

Why do I get the feeling Carlotta’s protection is putting and keeping Rowan in a catatonic state until she dies? Oh that’s right it’s what she did with Deirdre.

Ciprien’s directions were for your own safety don’t leave the apartment, but she ended up having to because of the fire now she’s thinking I won’t be able to go back inside for some time, but I can’t stay out here where Lasher can find me I know I’ll go to the Mayfair house because Carlotta said I’d be safe there. When in all honesty that is the absolute last and worst place she needs to be.

You remind me of her. Yeah exactly what a woman wants to hear(note sarcasm).

So let me see if I got this right when she took that drank it projected her consciousness into the ghostly plane where she could physically interact with Lasher and see other ghost but none of the other humans could see or interact with her or them and when she snapped out of it she came back to herself on the street corner where it began.

If you’re only separated for a minute why don’t you go find Deirdre and leave Rowan the fuck alone.

Anything could have happened to her while she was unconscious on that street.

I’ve heard people say all rowan does is cry, she looks a mess and is making poor decisions. Well in the first episode she was killing people with her mind and her mom was gaslighting her about it, in the second episode her mom was dead and her boss wouldn’t let her work and in the third her birth mom was murdered in both of her mom’s death she had to watch and could do nothing about it.

I think Lasher was scratching at the necklace through Deirdre but couldn’t get it off because she was so drugged.

Maybe that’s why Josephine was there to make sure nothing did.

[mistergoddess]

something something last pride i was in a disastrous gender tailspin doing so very bad on the gender front deeply closeted staying briefly with my parents between apartments working at a normie bar where there was a lot of pressure to be cute and feminine and appealing but the most dysphoric ive ever been because ive been quite masc ever since i realized i was trans when i was fucking 13 and somehow at 25 decided to put my own ass back in the closet and went to pride in a bikini top and booty shorts and fishnets and was miserable with myself and so repressed and had nobody but myself to blame for it and spent the whole time thinking haha wouldn't it be funny to go to the gender clinic booths and get info about testosterone while dressed like this haha how i look with he/him in my bio and all that haha right but i wouldn't because im in denial about being a guy rn haha im just a funky they them lesbian or whatever idk haha. and now just 1 year later i'll be going to pride 6 months on t and having made the first grueling steps of coming out to family and people close to me and i'll definitely be boyly boying it up and its all very surreal and gooooood?

idk it's weird because i feel 100% positive and happy and right about transition so far like... internally. independently. but the social aspect is still very funky and scary and i'm sure that's completely normal because society sucks! it's a sucky cultural situation we're in rn! and it's scary and bad and easy to invalidate yourself and get imposter syndrome and be bitter and jealous and feel weird and scared about being socially out and trying to socially transition and make it known that yeah i know i don't seem like one but actually i'm a guy! and i'm literally still not even saying that i'm still just letting ppl assume im a woman and misgender me bc i'm fucking avoidant and don't have the guts to like correct restaurants when they get my order wrong let alone correct everyone when they get my gender wrong! arrgghhh! but i'm very excited for ~my first pride~ and i hope being in a space where people are expecting it and won't be shocked or confused will give me some confidence and i can be open and at ease there and i can take some of that with me back to everyday life. idk. something along those lines.

also i'm definitely in my fresh out the box overcompensating era lmfao like i'm still nonbinary as hell and i still wanna be fruity and i'm definitely not Just A Guy and i'm definitely not Just Masc and i haveeeeeeeee a really really bad history with that and some big ugly Gender Trauma that makes this stage of like. just trying to be more masc and a dudething. kind of a very bad vibe but i'm doing it on my own terms this time and am aware of how that plays on my mental state and i feel confident that i'll grow out of it and that it's ok for now and as i progress i'll settle back into the things i like because i DO like fruity shit and i DO like the booty shorts and the fishnets and jewelry and painted nails and i'm not fully a dude and there's a sick ass nonbinary trans culture that i'll figure out how to occupy!!!!!!!! but yea i'm accepting that for now i'm just like hrrgnnnghhhh yes im a Man :) a fucking Guy a Dude Bro hahaaaaa

[harveybwabbit92]

Roommate au: Platonic! Subway bros and Fem! reader.

Based off a YouTube video I saw: The twins roommate Y/n is outside having a smoke since the twins have a no smoking in the house rule, anyway she sees something's up at the neighbors and calls the twins to come take a look.

{Tw: cheating, threats of violence.]

========================================================

Y/n was sitting on the back porch holding her cigarette in her lips while she looked through her jacket for a lighter, when she sees the neighbors second story bedroom window open, and saw clothes being thrown out while out and their neighbor's wife Sherry was frantically yelling at someone to "hurry" and to "get out!" Feeling something awesome was about to go down Y/n poked her head into the house, calling out to her roommates. "Ingo, Emmet get out here, you guys gotta see this!" she said giddily.

The twins looked at each other stopped whatever they were doing and joined Y/n outside, just in time to see a man who wasn't Sherry's husband climb out the neighbor's bedroom window in nothing but his underwear. "Hello!" Y/n greeted as the guy hissed at her shut-up. "Her fucking husbands here!" There's a pause the guy hangs off the windowsill. "Ya think I'm fucking stupid?!" the trio look at each other. "Well no one's saying you're smart." Ingo bluntly stated the dude flipped him off as they hear Phil screaming at his wife demanding to know where her damn side-piece is!

Sherry was insisting it was only her at home. "SPOINKSHIT! WHEN I FIND THE BASTARD, I'M GONNA TEAR HIS FUCKING BALLS AND FEED THEM TO HIM!" The guy blanched as Y/n and Twins started snickering at his misfortune. "I don't like your chances dude..." Emmet chortled while Y/n compared him to Spinarak-man as he hung on to the windowsill for dear life, by the sounds of it Sherry's husband had made it into the bedroom and was making his way to the window! Lover-boy's face turned blue and he let go of the window ledge, falling somewhere in the neighbors backyard.

Phil appeared in the window a few seconds later looking around his backyard wildly! He was practically frothing at the mouth, when they noticed Y/n and the twins watching him nervously. "IS HE FUCKING OVER THERE?!" he snarled the trio shook their heads and watched as Phil surveyed his yard again, before pointing down at his truck. 

"YOU!!!!!" He bellowed as they heard a tiny voice whimper out. "Oh fuck me..."  The twins and Y/n ran into the front street where half the neighborhood was outside watching, just in time to see Sherry's boy-toy rush out from the backyard and passed by their house; followed by a raging Phil... Who was holding a baseball bat!

"Holy Arc! didn't know people could run that fast!" Y/n said in awe as the two men were just specks in the distance. "If someone was chasing me with murderous intent I'd run faster then a Dodrio on caffeine pills!" Ingo hummed also impressed Emmet nodded along in agreement, A few seconds later a flustered Sherry came out of her house talking on the phone with someone , she noticed half the neighborhood staring at her and quickly ran back inside.

A few days later....

It came as no surprise to anyone when Sherry and Phil were getting a divorce and selling their house, Y/n caught a glimpse of Sherry as she was getting into a moving van with her father, The younger woman looked like a empty zombified husk compared to the bubbly blonde newly wed who moved in four months ago... 

The rumor going around was she tried getting with her boyfriend later, but he wanted nothing to do with her, That was understandable, considering her ex-Husband threatened to beat him with baseball bat! Needless to say,  It's never a dull moment living with the twins...the three still laugh at the mental image of Sherry's lover hanging off the windowsill like a desperate Aipom.

[chillassimagines]

Press (Nick Mara Smut)

REQUESTED: Can I request a Nick Mara smut please 😋 loved the one you did before 💗💗💗 after an award show and some interviewers were flirting w her infront of him

~

The MTV Music Awards show was one that PRETTYMUCH had been anticipating since releasing their newest album. Nick insisted on getting matching clothing to wear on the carpet and coordinating pieces for while you were in the crowd during his performance. You had totally spaced on the idea of paparazzi until you arrived. You had been so focused on your looks, the timeliness of your arrival, Nick’s emotions, and the overall performance that press was the last thing on your mind until you were standing surrounded by them with Nick’s hand on your waist.

“You two look quite cute together this evening, Nick and Y/N.” You both smiled sweetly at the woman interviewing you. Her male counterpart nodded in agreement.

“100 percent agreed, Y/N, you’ve never worn something so well fitted, and it is gracing us on this carpet.” At his statement, you felt a little flustered.

“Thank you so much. When choosing the clothing for tonight, Nick actually tore a piece of the dress in the back. It caught on his jacket zipper, so we had to lower the back a bit further. A lot of self love and preserverance went into this look for tonight. I wanted to make sure I felt confident and that I was naturally comfortable. In short, I agree it is a change of look, but it’s growing on me.” You rambled a little much, which you mentally face palmed for, but you were nervous.

“She’s such a beautiful woman and no amount of clothing would cover that beauty up.” Nick stated, nearly monotone, besides when he called you beautiful. The female interviewer awed.

“Nick, what was the vision behind your looks for the evening?” A smile immediately returned to his face and you noticed.

“We didn’t want to be completely E.T., but we wanted an element that spoke of otherworldliness. Y/N encouraged me to be more comfortable in doing new things in style. Creating a style even.” He gestured to the light galaxy inspired makeup along his hairline. You smiled widely at his statement and it made you feel warm inside.

“She surely knows how to dress and it’s benefited the both of you.” The male interviewer spoke up and Nick’s hand tightened on your waist. Your heart skipped a beat as you can sense his short tempered ticks.

“And at the end of the day, I am here to support Nick, PRETTYMUCH, and make sure everyone makes it home in one piece.” You leaned up and pressed a kiss to Nick’s cheek, hoping to ease his darker feelings. The female laughed at your statement.

“Speaking of PRETTYMUCH, how’s it living with everyone, Y/N?” You laughed and grabbed Nick’s free hand.

“I love Nick and I adore the boys, but we’re moving out as soon as we can. I’ll put it that way.” You spoke jokingly. Nick rubbed his thumb against your hand as a sign of appreciation. You smiled a little more at that.

“Whatever the lady decides.” Nick surrenders. Both the interviewers laugh at that.

“When she’s happy, which she deserves, I can say from experience that it improves quality of life, Nick. Thank you both for speaking with us and everyone at home can catch Nick onstage with the rest of PRETTYMUCH tonight, at the MTV Music Awards.” The male interviewer faces the cameras with his partner, so that’s our cue to move onto other duties of the night.

~

“Did you hear that prick, guys? Talking about Y/N like that, and I was standing right there!” Nick low key raged when you all came back home and chilled in the living room. You all had decided that the after party wasn’t worth the trouble when they had to be on a plane at 7am.

“He was definitely doing a bit too much with his eyes and less with his mouth.” Zion added fuel to the fire as he sparked up. Nick nodded and threw his hands up.

“Like, the fuck? And she would even try to deflect it and he’d keep coming back. Like catch the fucking hint, bro. Old ass dude too.” Nick grumbled by the end of his ranting. You approached him from behind and gingerly placed your hand on his shoulder.

“Nick, we gotta be up early, babes.” You knelt down and kissed his cheek before standing up straight and waving to the others with your hand. “You all should get some sleep after the big win and amazing performance. It’s only up from here, PM.” You smiled, reminiscing about the nights events after the red carpet. It was truly a success. Nick sighed and stood up, taking your hand in his.

“Goodnight guys, see ya in the morning.” He groaned jokingly before laughing with everyone. They all said their good nights in response before everyone went to their separate rooms. Once inside of your shared room, you were quick to remove your clothing from the night in the bathroom with the door open. That’s what usually happened after a night like this, very routine.

“I take it you didn’t like that guy much either.” Nick grumbled, bringing it back up. You sighed and shook your head.

“You gotta shrug it off, babes. He’s a man we probably won’t see again and if we do, we’ll know his game. Interviewers are meant to be interesting and even stir the pot. Otherwise they wouldn’t exist. I’m not gonna let someone like that bother me and you.” You said stepping out of your heels and grabbing a night robe. You began your night routine.

“So you think he’s interesting?” Nick questioned. You splashed water against your now clean skin and patted it dry.

“No, Nick. I do not think he’s interesting. That’s why I would like to not talk about him anymore. He doesn’t need a spot in our conversations.” You leaned against the bathroom counter with your ready toothbrush in your hand.

“Fine.” He said shortly. You watched as he finally stopped pacing and began taking off his watch. You shook your head and brushed your teeth. After this, you left the bathroom light on and walked into your room to grab a hair tie for bed out of your drawer. “I think he needs a spot in our conversation, babes.” You felt Nick’s presence behind you and you sighed, putting your hair up lazily.

“Nick, it is not that serious-” Nick’s hands abruptly squeezed your ass cheeks, pressing you against your dresser.

“I’m not unreasonable, princess. I enjoy having you go out in clothing you’re comfortable and confident in. Especially when you look good enough to eat. But, the way he was looking and talking to you…princess, you know you’re mine, right?” You mentally groaned, knowing Nick was feeling insecure. Though, you were not even remotely attracted to anyone else but him, he always struggled with that. But you never called it insecure to his face, it was possessive, jealousy, and envy. Because those terms he associated with intimacy.

“Of course I do. And I’ll allow you to keep me for as long as you like.” Your second sentence descended to a lower tone of voice.

“Is that right?” You hummed in agreement and slight excitement. Nothing like a good piping to go to sleep. You encouraged him to do his thing by wiggling your ass against him.

“All yours.” Nick’s hand reached around to the front of your robe and pulled on the loose knot.

“Look at you, something no other man will see.” Nick nodded towards the mirror above the dresser you stood in front of in this moment. Nick’s hands both crept up your torso.

“Please, Nick, I need you.” You whined softly. His fingers began their games with your heaving breasts. You looked at him in the mirror and moaned while keeping eye contact. You knew that he was enamored with eye contact, you used it to motivate him to get a move on.

“Giving me them eyes, princess. Put your leg up.” He ordered and pinched your thigh. You quickly put your leg on top of your dresser. This movement caused your robe to fall. Nick smirked at you before pressing a few soft kisses against your back.

“Nick, I love you.” You brought your hand up to curl your hand against his head. He only sunk lower to his knees, kissing you along the way.

“I love you too.” His lips were against your pussy lips, spread open for him. You arched forward, your forehead tapping against the mirror on the wall.

“Nick! Oh my god…” Your moans trailed off into incoherent messes of words. Nick’s hands were busy either holding you in place or taking a dip inside of you currently.

“Good enough to eat out.” He snuck in before resuming his own feast. You began rocking your hips back and forth against his face and he welcomed the movement; you could feel his desperate tongue following your movements of rotation.

“I’m gonna cum, Nick!” You cried out, knowing you couldn’t hold it much longer, and Nick preferred to cum with you after eating you out. You knew your man and what he needed during intimacy to get him to feel pleasure too.

“Such a sweet girl, considerate to wait for me.” Nick flicked his finger on your clit a few times and your eyes watered at holding back your orgasm. You heard the drop of his pants and knew that he wasn’t waiting. You felt the protruding member against your entrance one second and fully submerged the next.

“Fuck me!” You cried out, grinding your hips back against his thrusts.

“Oh I am, babes.” He teasingly grunted, his strokes going strong. You smacked your hand against the dresser and legitimately screamed. You had never screamed during sex, but Nick was pushing how long you could withstand it all. “Cum, I’ll get there.” He whispered in your ear. Another deep thrust inside and you could feel your body clench so hard around Nick. This was further proven when you heard his gasp and begin breathing extremely rough.

“Shit…” You exhaled, your body naturally relaxing, but tightening once more as Nick released inside of you. You looked into his eyes and shook your head.

“You can’t move can you?” He asked sweetly. You nodded and allowed Nick to help you to the bed.

“Goodnight baby, you were great tonight.” You said with a smile.

[outcast-thingz]

Chapter 3:

Oh Fuck... Now What Do We Do

Sweetpea sniffs around the ground and points at hedge. Before Styx has a chance to flee Atticus shoots his arm through the sticks gripping the "intruder's" arm.

'Fuck! Does this dude rock climb for a living!?' Styx questions, 'maybe he's blacksmith. Either way his grip is deadly..' that being said she leans into the pull and socks her shoulder into the blonde's armpit. With swift movements she slides her inside leg in front of his and pull the man over her shoulder.

"Nicht Ziel!" Atticus commands then groans. The great dane skids to a stop and barks encouragingly from the sidelines. Seconds later he pulls Styx down by his arm and brings up his knee to meet her forehead. The redhead stumbles back a few steps holding her head. He takes advantage of this moment to spin around on his back and rise to his feet.

'Something's not right...' the realization hit Atticus as he blocks the young womans punches and kicks. Although, strong and clear that she was trying to out some form behind each strike, it was... sloppy. Like she couldn't think clearly about the moves she was wanting to make. Give that the only thing moving her at the moment is pure adrenaline this makes sense. After finally seeing an opening Atticus pulls her into a head lock and lets her run out the last of her steam.

"Holy shit! Is he actually out if breath?" Kyran blurts after he and Galieo finally make it out back.

"Oh my heavens. Put her down you brute!"

"Brute!? Dude read the room she's the one who ran him ragged. Speaking by of which, where the fuck did she come from?" Atticus shrugs finally putting input in the conversation. The girl passes out and the blonde readjusts her in his arms.

"The chick with death glare? Huh weird. What's she doing out here? She looks sick."

"She does. Atticus bring her in, Kyran start making dinner if she wakes she'll need something easy to eat. I'll get her something to wear." Galieo takes charge.

The boys do as they're told and Galieo gets the girl changed into dry clothing.

'I hope she forgives me for that... wet clothing won't help her recover,' the anxious man thought. He'd taken off her wig and undoes her hair.

"Such pretty hair it's a shame she hides it. Like a raven or obsidian." he sighs. Mentally he fought the urge to play with her hair.

"You're got to be joking. How did she manage to fit alll of that.." Kyran circles his hand towards the hair, "into the wig?" He leans over the couch twirling a few strands between his fingers with curiosity.

"Wig cap and-" Galeio slaps his brother's hand away from the hair, "what looked like years and years of practice. If you look long enough you can see some bits that are relaxed to their natural state. It may seem wavy but she was definitely born with straight hair."

After having a homemade meal from Kyran the boys decided to discuss the girl.

"Okay so this chick gave Galieo the death glare after he basically ran over her-"

"It was an accident and your fault!"

"Semantics. Then she shows up at the cabin we're renting for the week and tries to beat the shit out of Atticus..."

"..."

"Sounds like fun. We should ask her to join the trip!" Kyran confidently suggests only to be met with an astonished look from his brother and the usual no change in expression from Atticus.

"Kyran, did you loose a screw during our hikes?" Galieo asks as Atticus shrugs. "You can't seriously be agreeing with him Atti!?"

"Don't call me that." Thr Blonde snaps bitterly making the curly haired man jump in his seat.

"Y-yes sir!" The obedient reply made Atticus roll his eyes. Kyran snickers as his brother clears his throat. "Fine. All I meant was that we don't know her and she doesn't know us. Who in their right mind would go on a cross country trip with three guys they don't know." Galieo explains. Kyran rises from his seat with a cocky grin and leans into his hands on the table.

"Match point bitch. This conversation is so over."

"Language. And Oh? What makes you say that?"

"Do I really need to mention your first night meeting Ma-"

"ZIP IT, LOCK IT, AND MELT THAT KEY"

"Shhh, you're gonna wake her~" the red head chuckles, "besides it's why you've been blaming yourself for not noticing when we first bumped into her right? You've been checking up on her every five minutes. She's going to be fine, ain't that right Atticus." The blonde nods agreeingly.

"..."

"Then it's settled, we'll try to convince her to go. We've done weirder and crazier thing anyways. Oh and Leo?"

"Huh?"

"Dont loose sleep over it. We can help her now and that's what matters."

"...right."

Taglist: @bisexual-confusion @yeet-man @gayfanficanonymous @astro-pioneer

[soullessmocha]

Hi there! Had a bit of an interesting request for a playful encounter among the Lost Boys with fem! dhampir (offspring of a vampire father and mortal mother)? Perhaps they might take a liking to her?

a/n: hi! thank you for requesting this!! i had so much fun writing it!! i hope it fits your idea. if you want head cannons i would def post some because this was so fun to think about!! thank you again!! 

halfie.

{ the lost boys x fem!reader }

rating: pg-13

word count: 2452

warnings: fem!reader, minor action of sexual assault, blood, death, use of tobacco, curious lost boys, tension, and sexual innuendo.

The night was just a regular night on the boardwalk at Santa Carla. The Lost Boys found themselves in a booth in a corner of an establishment that served primarily diner foods. The classical American food that is fattening just to even look at. Paul and Marko wanted cheeseburgers on a clear night, and there was nothing stopping them from doing so. It was a way to curve the hunger as the night was still too early to go hunting. Marko haphazardly scarfed down his cheeseburger occasionally sipping his cola in between the big chomps of food. He and Paul always ate so messily, mainly Paul. Yet that was a debate for another time. At the end of the booth sat Dwayne and David who shared a basket of fries and had a shake each. Both of them were not really hungry at the moment and didn’t want to be too full of human food to not be able to eat. Their mindless conversation was interrupted as the trilling of the bell chimed off of the walls of the diner. In walks, a woman, her looks about her were borderline perfect. The way she walked into the establishment was convincing as if she owned the place. There were only four other people who walked on these grounds like that and it was The Lost Boys. 

Paul paused mid-bite, his jaw locked mid-bite as he watched the figure travel their way towards the bar that was in the middle. Their boots clicked against the vinyl flooring with each daunting step they took. However, though their appearance was rather daunting they gave the waitress the kindest smile they have ever seen on such a cold face. As the woman sat on the bar stool Marko nudged Paul hard in the side. “Keep staring like that you’re going to choke on your food. You’re such a slob, dude!” Marko laughs before popping a pinch of fries in his mouth chewing quite loudly. David peers over at the rambunctious two and gives a look by squinting his eyes. He tilts his head before looking at Dwayne. “You can sense it too?” Dwayne asks, not even looking at the female figure who walked in. He twisted the straw between his fingers as he kept a piercing stare on David, trying to read his expression. Nonetheless, the leader was deadpan through and through. “Yeah, I can smell it on them too,” David finally admits after a beat of silence. David brings the straw to his lips, taking a long drink from the vanilla shake. His piercing blue eyes stare at the side profile of the woman. He tilts his head as he tries to push his way into their mind. What are you? David questions mentally as there was a large blur blocking him from seeing anything, it was as if she was pushing him out. How was that even possible? Just as he questioned that the woman’s head snaps in David’s direction making direct eye contact with the vampire. The woman only gave him a sly smirk as she shook her head bringing her attention back to the waitress.

David’s eyes widened slightly, he was taken aback by the sudden action and it takes a lot for David to be shocked in any way. The two other blondes at the table leaned on their elbows to look at David. Their minds read his right away. There was something off with the woman who walked in. Paul just thought she was hot. From the boots to the hair it was a style he dug. He couldn’t notice anything off of her but the perfume and a unique scent. However, that didn’t trigger anything in his mind that she wasn’t different from any other human. Yet, David’s expression and his mind were saying two different things. Was this person a threat? Why were they here? Should they confront or leave? Just as Paul started to ask these things via mental message to Dwayne the woman grabbed her to-go order, which consisted of a cup and a paper bag filled with grease at the bottom. As the woman turned on her heel to head out a rather slimy man filled with tattoos and piercings landed his hand on her bottom. The clap echoed through the diner. Everyone went still, a pin could be heard if it was dropped at that moment. 

Dwayne shifted to get up, to act on the action but David’s boot was stopping him. The brunette switched his focus to David who shook his head. The look in his eyes was that of a warning. Yet when Dwayne looked back on the woman she was walking out of the store with the man. Seeing this scene Marko was practically vibrating in his seat with excitement. “Hell yeah, time to start the night boys,” he cheered as Paul snickered along pushing his empty plate in the middle of the table. David tossed a twenty bill at the edge of the table while he got up, “Oh shit, this is going to be rad, I can feel it!” Paul whooped following behind Dwayne. The boys didn’t look which way the strange woman and the man went. However, all of the boys could not dismiss the attraction to her since the moment she walked into the room. Curiosity filled them to the brim. David inhaled the salty air as he stepped out only picking up on a hint of the male she walked out with. “This way,” he directed and started the group down the alleyway towards the back parking lot. 

The parking lot was deserted, nothing lighting the space but three orange-lit street lamps that didn’t grant much for regular human viewing. Perfect spot for anything to happen. Dwayne took a step in front of David, his eyes peeled in the dark. Then it hit all of them in the nose, blood. The fresh smell of iron and warmth. Dwayne was now in the lead he made his way around the corner to find the body of the abuser on the ground. Lifeless and cold. “Holy shit,” Paul whispers, there was another vampire in town. 

“Y’know, following a lady in the dark can send her the wrong message,” the voice piped from behind them. The tone was coy and filled with entertainment. They all whipped around, silent and staring with intense stares. “What? Cat got your tongue?” She questions with blood dribbling down her chin, yet her features were as perfect as they saw them in the diner. Did she not transform? Did she have no fangs? How did she get behind them without them noticing? Her head tilted before giving a knowing smirk, she reached down on the ground grabbing her to-go bag. The rustling of the bag is what broke David’s trance, “What are you?” he asks bluntly, stuffing his hands in his pocket, acting not the slightest amused. Dwayne on the other hand was silent, while Paul and Marko were doing their best not to shake with excitement. Fuck yeah, a female vampire. Hot.

“Normally people ask for each other’s names first.” She bounces back wiping her face off with cheap napkins and tosses them to the dead body behind the boys. 

“Well we aren’t people, and clearly you aren’t either.” Dwayne piped and her attention switched to him. 

“I know I could smell death coming off of you boys, especially you, Twisted Sister.” Her finger points towards Paul who jutted out his lower lip in curiosity as he sniffed himself out of insecurity. “So I am guessing you are the ones causing all the missing posters to go up? Kinda sloppy work if you ask me.”

“We didn’t ask for your opinion. We asked you what you are.” David interjects and tilts his head giving her a squint as he took a step forward, he was once again trying to get into her head. Figure out what she was and what she was doing here. Yet no matter how hard he pushed the boundary he was only greeted with a deep chuckle. Her teeth were pinching the straw from her cup. 

“You can try all you want but I won’t let you in,” the woman tilts her head no approaching the boys. Her body swerves theirs, her teeth gnawing on the straw. Her piercing eyes looked each of them individually up and down. Her eyes took in their jackets, their earrings, and how they presented themselves. Approaching Paul first her eyes flickered through his features, her hand raised to his chin and she pinched it, “You’re the troublemaker,” Paul can only grin at this, living for the close proximity drowning in her hypnotic scent that was the perfect mix of perfume and her blood. How could he smell her blood? His grin faded as she walked away to Marko who was next to him, his blue eyes connecting to David who was stoically watching the woman carefully. Paul shrugged and tilted his head as he was fully entertained by this. The woman approaches Marko, carding her fingers through Marko’s long curly locks, “I like you, you’re the ambitious one,” Marko smirked and brought his fingerless gloves to his lips to hide his smirk. He scanned the group trying to read Dwayne and David but both were rather expressionless. Was he the only one who wanted to keep her around?

Her boots click against the concrete as she approaches Dwayne, her drink now by her side. Her free hand rubs her fingertips over the hand-painted leopard on his sleeve trailing to the breast of his jacket and down his zipper. Her slightly warmer skin ghosted over his chest, the action caused him to tense his abdomen, flexing on instinct. “Mmm,” she hummed admiring his chest, “You’re the advocate.” Dwayne didn’t give her any satisfaction of a reaction but if his heart could beat it would be racing to jump out of his chest. Then her head tilted to David, she plucked the cigarette from behind his ear, but as quickly as she did it David was just as quick to snatch her wrist in his gloved hand. “I don’t think we are going to ask again, what are you?” This time his tone was dark with groveling.

A smirk paints the woman’s lips, “And you are the leader,” she states the obvious before placing the cigarette back and patting her palm against David’s cheek. Giving two blunt slaps before taking her place next to food once again she leaned against the brick wall. “I am what you are, only half.” The boys all furrow their brows, looks of pure confusion on their features. 

“Wait what do you mean, only half?” Marko asks tilting his head as he takes a couple of steps closer in interest.

“Well when a mommy and a daddy meet each other and are very happy-” 

“Vampires can’t procreate,” Dwayne states rather objectively and this causes the woman to raise her brows.

“Well, then you better explain that to my mom. She was the one who banged a vampire to have me,” her eyes brows quirk up at the silent one’s sudden choice to talk, “It is a possibility. Have you boys not been taught the birds and the bees? Haven’t been able to keep your little stake in your pants?”

“Enough,” David commands his jaw set and tense. The woman’s brows remain raised, “Why? Scared you might have a little one of you running around? That would be terrible,” she muses which causes snickers to come from Paul and Marko. Yet once David looks behind him to glare at the two a sudden gust of wind blows the cigarette off of his ear. The half-vampire was now only hair away from him. “I am called a half-vampire, a dhampir, a spawn of satan, hybrid, really anything you’d like. I can do anything you can do, with a little more benefits.”

“What benefits?” Dwayne asks and her eyes flicker to him.

“Thank you for asking nicely. I can for one walk around in the sunlight. Just like a vampire who is transitioning, except I can stay in the sun for long periods of time. Like all the time. Secondly, I don’t need blood to survive-”

“Then why did you kill this guy?” Paul questions, nudging the lifeless figure with his foot as he stood adjacent to it.

“Because he was a dick and slapped my ass. Sometimes the world doesn’t need people like that. I had to teach him a lesson and I did.” She responded matter-of-factly as she crossed her arms and looked down at the body. A sigh leaving her nose while she made her way to her food. Grasping her food she started to walk towards her classic car in the empty parking lot. 

Marko and Paul pushed past David and Dwayne to catch up to her, “So you’re telling me a babe like yourself is as strong, fast, and as cool as us?” Paul asks as Marko slings an arm around his friend’s shoulder. The woman smirked as she tossed her paper bag in the topless car. “Yeah, you could say that, who knows, maybe I am better at most things than you are.” This was an obvious shot of teasing. Marko laughed at her teasing and shook his head, “She’s hot, kills deadbeats, and drives a sick car. I don’t Paul, I might be in love.”

“No way man, I was the first one to see her,” Paul argues, pushing Marko playfully. The half-vampire rolls her eyes with the same warm smile she gave the waitress earlier in the diner. David maneuvered around the now two wrestling vampires. The woman started her car and looked up at the leader, her smile still warm, “It was nice meeting you boys, I hope to see you again soon.”

“We’ll see about that,” David responds tilting his head. He got a chuckle in response which caused him to smirk, “Only time will tell,” she comments, putting her car into drive and peeling off out of the parking lot leaving the four curious men behind in her rearview mirror. David stood watching her car drive away with his hands crossed amongst his chest, a smirk plastered on his features. Dwayne approaches after breaking up Marko and Paul from their match. “I think we have a new friend, boys,” David pipes into the clear night as he plucks a new cigarette from the breast pocket of his jacket and places it between his lips, lighting it swiftly. With an inhale he let a puff of smoke into the starry night before turning on his heels, “Now let’s go get some real food.”

footnotes: if you would like to request please send them my way!  🖤

[ectoplasmicbaloney]

LIVE BLOGGING CHUCKLESANDWHICH EP. 54 (spoilers for that episode)

guys i’m so fucking sad holyshit

HES NOT THE MEAT ANYMORE???!?? STFU IM GOSJJDJSJFJQIA

WHY ARE THEY BREAKING IT TO US LIKE PARENTS JO ITS SO GEAVY

dude i love charlie slimecicle for real he’s such a key member of the podcast :(

goobey sons :,)

FOR A WHILE :( oh man

Oh man he’s doing so much :( oh god, time and mental space

that is a good way to put it :(

it’s good he’s prioritising his mental health and just, gah, man.

they played dayz lol and they were having a good time i really wanna see a like, chuckle sandwhich gaming thing WHICH SLIME as a guest i guess :(

i don’t even know how schlatt has moved 5 times and is still making content man

charlie and his guinea pigs is so cute :) and the way he talks about them is really endearing

the energy in this episode is just like: im smiling but im basically just like, tears!! TEARS!!

i need to buy from slimestory and just roll with it

HES GONNA DO CHUCKLE DUNGEONS!!!

yo mamas??!!?!! (sorry)

my mommy is needy??! SHE NEEDS THE MEAT??!!

dad deli? :(

just roll with it is super fun, i’ve listened to it for a while and just… man

don’t hate on me for this, but schlatt seems like a genuinely great friend tbh, the stuff he’s saying ti charlie is really nice and cool

TED IM TEARING UP TOO MAN

who are they gonna replace him with? i don’t want to think of the new person as a replacement but honestly it’s gonna be kinda hard to not, for a while at least, cause of how charlie IS the meat so…

it’s all sad chuckles rn :,|

schlatt’s fake crying lol

charlie is a wonderful boy, a great guy too, really passionate, he’s cool :)

NON-NEWTONIAN FLUIDS!!!!! - my favourite state

NOOOO NOT THE FUCKING COFFIN

he’s so good at lifting the mood :>

they’re using past tense god it’s like a celebrity’s wiki page after they die

schlatt being genuine is so weird but it’s really nice “charlie is an actual saint walking among men. i cannot think of one negative thing to say about you.” damn bro :,)

IM LEAKING?? Ted??

the fallout :,(

im glad there’s no drama, they’re great friends :)

i’m really excited for more chuckle dungeon

NO NOW ITS JUST THE BIGOT AND THE RABID CHILD (jokes)

but their dynamic is so balanced and really nice, they bounce off of each other so well and the convos just go so smoothly! the next person is gonna be great for sure, but charlie’s energy and personality is hard to find and or replicate. i do hope the next person doesn’t try to replicate him though, it’s best to be natural :)

the chaotic evil/neu/good thing is so true lol

WAIT THERES NO ONE JTS JUST THEM TOO THAT SEEMS SO LONELY LIKE THERES A GAPING HOLE??!?

maybe it’s better for it to not be filled? idk :(

enough to last a year if you watch one every week :(

CHUCKLE DUNGEON IS SO COOL HONESTLY!!! chuckle dungeon is such a cool fucking thing and they all really get into it and show ernest interest it’s so :)

yeah he wrote it out, i was looking at the laptop trying to decipher what it was saying lol

me and ted both are a dungeon masters worst nightmare, my last dm hated me, and to be honest it was fair i was very annoying.

“that ted thing” lol… i probably do that

“i was thinking ‘he’s a misogynist, that’s probably a highly misogynistic thing to do, cut a woman’s head off’” that is exactly my line of thinking, just going straight to the extreme traits of the character cause subtly? grace? nuance? don’t know her

“there has not been a single chuckle dungeon without a sexist or racist” LMAO (until schlatt’s off the podcast there will never be one (jokes lol))

a creepo?

the goopey elevator 💀 i think he meant the tomato lol

charlie is an amazing dm

“racial aspects of dnd” bro 0_0

“so you wanna take my spot?” LMAO SCHLATT

THE EUGENICS??

god how bad was the smoke lmao

oh wow really bad

WOAH 9/11 JOKE THATS SO EDGY?!!?

oh my god he thought 9/11 was 2011, his brain goes so fast why did he consider 1988 and think it was stupid cause he was a baby???

everybody was shocked, even me man

THICK WATER

ah yes the best bit

ouh a flashback

the freddy wong episode was so good honestly

unlimited bacon or no video games, I REMEMBER CHARLIE’S EXPRESSION HE WAS ACTUALLY LIKE LOOSING IT

LITTLE SHOBOS

chulk me out chulk man 😟

LWT HIM TELL US WHERE IT COMES FROM STOP PRETENDING TO BE FINANCE BROS PLS

me too ted nivison i want to keep something going

ME TOO TED NIVISON I SUCK AT POKER FACE

dude seeing schlatt so genuinely excited about machinima respawn and boruff and the spider is nice cause he’s such a big fan dude, look at him go!

he ate a termite •_•

i just noticed charlie’s salt rock lamp lol

adventure awaits, i guess

coconuts know when to grow when the water stops moving?? interesting

the cocoknow 😨

“it’s the minerals” sir is saying words

charlie’s humour is really refreshing and i love his storytelling content, especially like the dnd esk adventures and stuff :)

PEANUT BUTTER?

termites taste like lemon, interesting

DADDY’S HUNGRY????

popped em in, crunched em, got the zest and boom

wait are there termites in my house

guys i just confirmed i have a termite infestation in my house LOL i just thought they were funky looking ants with weird white butts but nope! they live in our big ass wooden table

WHAT MY FAMILY CALLS “indonesian flies” ARE ACTUALLY FLYING TERMITES WHAT THE FUCK NO WONDER THEY’RE LIVING IN OUR TABLE

ok back to the video

i’m sorry, his BOAT SANK? BECAUSE OF A GIANT FUCKING SALTWATER CROCODILE???

“get in… gringos” LOL

idk about cilantro tbh

nice fact ted

why does he have an nft painting??? it’s… it’s FUNGIBLE? Tommyinnit bought it for him 💀

do people not have items around them at all time? heavycube

big block of tungsten

HE HAS A ROCK THAT HE DREW TO LOOK LIKE A HEDGEHOD

and ted has two lint rollers!

OHHH THOSE ARE THE GAMER FINGERLESS GLOVES!

HE HAS THE MACHINIMA MIC GUARD!!

boruff gardening is really cute lol :) he’s growing lettuce and tomatoes 😭😭

oh ok future plans:

ok there’s a hiatus coming soon :( understandable

i must buy from slimestory the products are actually cool and interesting to me!!!

GILLION TIDESTRIDER??!? i will watch let’s roll with it again

NEXT WEEK IS IRL JUSTROLLWITHITWEEK

charlie’s not getting replaced :)) and charlie may just come in occasionally:,)

NOT THE EMPTY ROOM

charlie cam dear lord

He got a gift :DD

love you to death charlie :)) but not in a parasocial way dear lord ok nvm

“keep chulking, you’re da bomb.com”

WAIT THEY DID OEKSK

LMAO OK why are they switching to different POVS LOL

LOL THE FINAL SHOT

END:

ok so that was it :,)

Charlie is such a cool guy, i’ve been watching his stuff for like 5 years now and he always makes enjoyable and amazing videos and he just seems like a generally awesome person. i’ll miss his puns and energy on the podcast, but i’m glad he’s taking care of himself and i hope he feels less stressed out after this :) Can’t wait to see what he does next and i’m excited for more episodes of the podcast!!

end

[generallynerdy]

One life, I thought—a thousand deaths (Jon Antilles & Fay)

Summary: On Queyta, Obi-Wan Kenobi is not the only one to escape Durge and Ventress. One of the four legendary Masters, Jon Antilles, emerges from a lava stream despite knowing he’s going to die. He’s so sure of it that he crawls his way to Fay’s side, wanting to spend his last moments with the woman who he considers his Master. But she has other plans. Plans to make certain that Jon Antilles lives past today.

Warnings: Angst, Character Death, On-Screen Character Death, Implied/Referenced Character Death, there’s both sorry, Self-Sacrifice, The Curse of Immortality, holy shit i made myself sad dude Word Count: 2,191

Prompt: Angstpril Day 2 - Sole Survivor

Author’s Note: listen I know nobody knows about these characters that are in literally one comic but I have FEELINGS about them okay?? Jon is meant to be a badass mysterious enigma but he screams sad boi and Fay is like...the greatest cryptid Jedi ever, I love her. So, of course, I decided to make them and Knol and Nico suffer. (Also I know Obi-Wan survived the mission but the Sole Survivor still applies because Jon is the sole survivor of the four legendary Masters, just in case that wasn’t clear.) I just finished this today, so the editing is minimal.

Read on AO3

*

Using the Force as a shield is, in theory, one of the easier skills a Jedi utilizes. That is assuming, of course, that the Jedi in question is in good health, a decent mental state, and isn’t under a severe amount of stress. If said Jedi is, say, three feet into a pool of lava, already bearing grievous injuries and the weight of the deaths of two close companions, and feeling the fading life of another, the simple task, understandably, becomes something of a problem.

Jon has finally managed to pull the Force around him like a blanket. It protects him from the bubbling lake around him now, but the first few seconds he couldn’t pull it off were torture.

As it turns out, lava burns. It burns like shame, like failure, like the nightmares Jon used to have about his Master abandoning him on a planet in Hutt space for getting just a little too mouthy. And it hurts nearly as much.

“Fuck,” he hisses. He makes a rule of not cursing, but right now feels like an appropriate time to break it. “Fuck, fuck, fuck.”

He claws at the charred remains of his robes. Contrary to popular belief, lava doesn’t melt initially, as Jon now knows. Instead of melting, he burst into flames for the few seconds it took to pull himself together, though they felt like an eternity. Red, throbbing burns litter his entire body, his hair singed but miraculously intact thanks to his hood, which is entirely ashes now. The pain consumes his thoughts, making his shielding start to flicker in and out.

And then, through the debilitating agony, a touch of something familiar.

Jon’s eyes fly open. “Fay,” he whispers.

Her light is dimmer than it should be, not flickering in and out mischievously like it usually does. But still, she makes an effort to reach out, to check on him. It sends a sob up his throat.

“Hold on, Fay, hold on.”

Clenching his fists, he opens himself up to the Force. His actions are ones of faith, not of desperation, and he lets it flow through him as he takes a deep breath. The idea of using one of his Master’s abilities would normally make him nauseous, but the disgust doesn’t even cross his mind this time as he prepares to teleport. He thinks of that open, flat space of rock that Obi-Wan and Fay ran to, their enemies close behind. Focusing fiercely on that distant image, he pulls on the Force and folds the two points—

Jon collapses on solid ground with a heaving gasp.

Every inch of his body protests the change, especially his knees, which burn when they make contact with the ground, but somehow he manages to ignore his own complaints.

Fay isn’t far, or she shouldn’t be, at least. The distance between them seems gaping when he tries to move.

Still, her light is fading fast. And he wants to be by her side.

So, Jon Antilles crawls on hands and knees, dragging his body across sharp stones and past bubbling streams of lava. He aches with each movement and cries out when it becomes too much, but he persists regardless. Something in him knows it may be the last thing he ever does.

Finally, he sees her.

She’s sprawled out, her chest hardly moving as her breathing becomes shallow. Her near-golden hair is filthy with ash and her eyes are dim. She’s hardly herself, Jon thinks, and feels his stomach sink.

Hundreds of years the great Master Fay has lived and breathed. Hundreds of years and he’s going to watch her die today.

“Jon,” she calls out weakly.

He pulls himself to her side, grabbing her hand with his own shaky ones. “I’m here, Master.”

They only met when he was a teenager, but he feels as if he’s known her all his life. They’ve travelled the Outer Rim together, following the Force, for decades now and he’s never regretted a second of it. In all but title, Fay is his Master. She was always better than Dark Woman, even when the bar was six feet under. The only record with both their names will be at the Temple, where the dead are listed, a handful of mission reports with other Jedi, and the stories the younglings share of the 4 legendary, nomadic Masters.

“Knol and Nico,” Fay breathes out, “they’re one with the Force.”

Jon grimaces. “Yes. And the Force is with us.”

She laughs, breathy and half-choked. It’s an old lesson, familiar and grounding. “And so too are they,” she adds.

“Where’s Obi-Wan?”

“Gone, with the cure.” She smiles just a little. “The Republic fights another day.”

Suddenly grim, he squeezes her hand. “But not us.”

A pause.

“But not us.”

The silence overwhelms them. The wind whistles in the distance, carrying with it nothing but smoke and ashes. Queyta isn’t the best place to die, Jon thinks absently. He would rather it have been someplace with flowers.

“I wish it could’ve been Jedha.”

He almost jumps at her voice, but her words jarr a surprised laugh from his sore lungs. “Jedha? I thought you hated cold planets.”

“Oh, yes, but not that one. Force, I should have taken you. The Force there is so...so strong, so pure, you can feel the kyber from the surface,” she explains, staring straight up at him. If anyone else were to gaze so intensely at his scars, he’d be uncomfortable, but she’s safe. She’s family. “And the Guardians of the Whills are so kind. I met a young one of theirs some decades ago. You two would’ve gotten along.”

Jon laughs a little. “You’re always looking to find me friends, Fay.”

Her smile turns sad and she lifts a hand to his face, letting it rest on his cheek. “You’re so young,” she whispers. “Too young to be so lonely, Jon.”

He shuts his eyes, lets himself be comforted by her touch. When he opens them again, she still has that gut-wrenching look on her face. He places his hand on top of hers, unsurprised at how cold they are despite the blistering heat.

“I’m not lonely,” he promises.

Jon doesn’t say that it’s because of her, Knol, and Nico, but Fay picks up the thought anyway. Her eyes fill with tears.

“I have watched so many I love die.” Fay’s voice wavers as she says it. He realises that it’s the first time he’s ever heard it do that. To be honest, he’d thought it was impossible. “Taken by age, by Darkness, by foolishness. Never have I met a soul as good as yours, Jon. And never a Jedi so worthy of love.”

“Fay…”

She shakes her head. “Your Master did not deserve you. The galaxy did not deserve you.”

Pulling her hand away from him, Jon squeezes it. “You did,” he says firmly, though his voice cracks.

“I hope so,” she admits with a rueful laugh. “I hope so.”

He smiles weakly. “I wish you’d found me first. But I thin-I think the Force knew when I needed you to save me. Because you did save me, Master. I could never thank you enough.”

She takes his word silently, holding his hand even tighter. “You never needed to.”

“Thank you,” he says now, even though it’s useless.

Fay’s grey eyes meet his pale ones and suddenly, she’s distressed. “You’re so young,” she repeats.

But Jon can see that she means something else this time.

“Not too young to do my duty.”

“Too young to die doing it.”

Jon thinks of Tan Yuster, one of four Padawans to die on Geonosis. The Jedi have experienced great loss these past months since the beginning of the war and so many so much younger than Jon have died in battle, the clones included. Of course, to Fay, they all may as well be children.

“I will go proudly into the Force,” he promises her. At your side.

Fay’s expression twists. “No.”

He scoffs. “I don’t think we have a say in it.”

“The Force let me live this long,” she says suddenly, as if it’s a realisation, “longer than I should have. Obi-Wan is gone, I’ve done what good I can, except...you’re here. Why are we here?”

“To say goodbye,” Jon offers.

She shakes her head, then tries to sit up, struggling until her would-be Padawan helps pull her up. “I’m done with goodbyes.”

“What are you—?”

He doesn’t get the chance to finish his question. Fay presses their foreheads together and grabs his hands with a newfound energy that terrifies him. Chills go up his spine when her presence in the Force covers him like a blanket. Warmth climbs up his hands, then his arms, and with a glance down he finds that his skin is healing.

“Fay, no!” he cries, trying to shove her away.

She only tightens her grip. “Stay still, Jon.”

She sounds more like herself, certain and unwavering. Jon would be happy-crying if he weren’t horrified. He tries to drag himself out of her grip, but she’s impossibly strong. Her healing creeps up his entire body, soothing his burns, though scars remain behind.

“No, no, no—FAY! Fay, stop it!” His screams turn to sobs. “You’ll die, stop—!”

“I already am,” she says, just as certain in her abilities as her fate. “But you don’t have to.”

Trembling, his attempts are weaker now but still there. “Please, please,” he begs. “Not without you!”

Tears stream down her cheeks. She allows herself a moment of weakness; she opens her eyes and meets his tearful gaze, remembering the teenager she first met. He was so scared and so brave. And for a moment, she’d thought he must be a ghost. But no, he was just a boy. For the first time in a long time, she had let herself build a bridge between them, like Knol and Nico before him, even knowing she would have to watch him die one day.

Now, she thinks with fierce stubbornness, she won’t have to.

It feels like her life is leaving her for him, though she knows it’s just fading into the Force. It’s to it that she speaks, the cosmic energy she’s dedicated her long, long life to.

“If anyone is deserving of the time you’ve given me,” she gasps out, “it is Jon Antilles.”

She doesn’t see the horror in Jon’s face, but she can feel it in his quiet Force-presence, so subdued. He hides himself on purpose and it truly breaks her heart. His light is so strong. The galaxy is all the better for his existence.

“I don’t want this! Fay, I don’t—let me die, please—”

Fay only lifts her head and kisses his forehead, the sort of gentle gesture a mother might give her son. “One day,” she promises. It rings with truth, with the strength of the Force behind it. “But not today.”

Jon cries out and tries to rip himself away, but freezes when pure light washes over him. The warmth he’s always associated with Fay soaks into him, healing all his wounds in an instant and rejuvenating his fading energy. Stars burst before his eyes, like he’s seeing into the very universe beyond Queyta, beyond what he’s meant to see with his petty Human eyes. In another instant, it’s gone and Fay is slumping over.

She falls to the ground with a thump, a noise that jolts Jon back into focus.

“Master!” he sobs.

He pulls her up from the ground with the sickening realisation that she’s a complete deadweight. She’s limp in his arms, already paling. Desperate, Jon pushes her hair out of her face and finds...nothing. Her eyes are dull. With his fingers on her wrist, he can’t feel a pulse.

“Fay?”

The steady beat of her Force-presence is gone, a gaping hole in his universe. Their bond, one strong enough to resemble a training bond, is shattered, a physical pain that throbs in his skull.

Jon begins to hyperventilate, his sudden gasps for breath burning his now-perfect lungs.

“Come back,” he begs Fay’s corpse. “Fuck, please. Please, come back.”

He pulls her into his lap, clutching her robes like a child being left behind for the first time. It doesn’t hurt to move anymore and, thank the Force for it because his entire body shakes with the force of his cries.

Overwhelmed with grief he’s never experienced, Jon wails into Fay’s shoulder, rocking back and forth. The agonizing sound rings across the valley, a noise like torture.

It’s only now that he feels the frayed edges of his bonds with Knol and Nico.

He screams again, his vocal cords protesting it sharply.

The last time Jon was this alone, he was a child. And now, he’s right back where he was before he met his three closest companions. Except now, now, he knows what it means to love and to lose. It aches. It aches like nothing he’s ever felt.

“Please,” he whispers hoarsely. “I can’t—I need you. What do I do? What am I supposed to do?”

He never gets an answer.

*

River’s Tags: @hahaboop & @mystoragehatesme

Masterlist

[infinitelytheheartexpands]

Responses from the Opera Screencaps Captioning Quiz

Hello, everyone, and thank you for taking my quiz! I had SO MUCH fun reading your captions-- there were several times I literally started crying from laughing so hard at the amazingness of your work! With that in mind, the captions (which I will continue to add onto as more people take it):

(also, thank you to @dichterfuerstin​ for translating the German captions I got)

originally taken from: the Wiener Staatsoper’s 2020 production of Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart’s Die Entführung aus dem Serail, featuring Regula Mühlemann (center) as Blonde, Michael Laurenz (right) as Pedrillo, and an unnamed extra (left) as the Grim Reaper

Responses:

(Backstage warm-up) “ok so someone dropped the pulse”

me and my friends watching the fire burn after doing arson

Introducing the polycule to the parents

*boom* ... did...you guys hear that too?

Ma Signor !

Knight in whinging armour gone wrong, look at how he holds the egg. Polyamory with weird knight and death.

the father, son and the holy ghost are very gay

the gays meeting for brunch, 2021, colorized

chicken lady forces death and a very flamboyantly homosexual anthropomorphized pink bird to be parents of her egg (they dont want to be)

That’s just me and my friends on our night out (before covid rip)-- closest

A Good Friday night

good omens (2019)

["the pocket guide to boy/girl/mischief" meme] who's the boy and who's the mischief though????

Papageno and Papagena take their first-born egg trick-or-treating

Angry Birds - The Musical. A pig stole an egg and the bird unites with death to take revenge.

I love my bird wife

Someone got murdered during the funky chicken dance

throuple murders child and steals sibling of said child

When you and your friends have widely different tastes in literature

angel leading twink to his rightful place (hell)

draco malfoy from a very potter musical and a death eater are very much in the wrong show

What have I gotten myself into

Mlm/wlw solidarity but I’m not telling who is who

A woman stands with a pink dipshit with an egg and a reaper.

A bird-couple makes a pact with Death, sacrificing their first-born bird-child in order to bring good luck upon their unborn bird-baby

There are three types of people on Halloween:

Uh oh, I don’t think the mother hen is very happy about this...

oh god, they’ve invented seussical. It’s too early!

gay brunch

Three little maids from school are we

guys maybe if we dress gay enough we can distract everyone from the dead flapper bee in the back

those three killed a duck for her egg and are facing the conswquences.

Duck has egg with human, shocked and upset due to biological impossibility

When you bout to make a banging omelet so you invite your fellow queers

"No mortal man could pass that egg, but heaven shall repair your rectum."

originally taken from: the Salzburg Festival’s 2007 production of Hector Berlioz’s Benvenuto Cellini, featuring Maija Kovalevska (left) as Teresa Balducci, Laurent Naouri (center, in chimney) as Fieramosca, and Burkhard Fritz (right) as Benvenuto Cellini

Responses:

“In this same interlude it doth befall That I, one Snout by name, present a wall; And such a wall, as I would have you think, That had in it a crannied hole or chink, Through which the lovers, Pyramus and Thisby, Did whisper often very secretly. This loam, this rough-cast and this stone doth show That I am that same wall; the truth is so: And this the cranny is, right and sinister, Through which the fearful lovers are to whisper.” - a midsummer night’s dream, act v scene 1

"ah yes a prime specimen. see here, right in this box is our one of a kind hob goblin that can be all yours for the low low price of your soul"

what, YOU don't have a special eavesdropping chimney window?

Hänsel und Gretel plotting against the witch

man takes a wrong turn and ends up in a chimney, catches his girlfriend cheating-- closest

when you end up third wheeling the straight couple

lady cheats on her leather jacket wearing scummy boyfriend and when he unexpectedly comes home she hides the lover in the chimney

A straight girl and her gay best friend gossip about stuff idk

Idk Shakespeare?

experimental couples therapy feat. the chimney mf from mary poppins

Area Couple Inadvertently Traps Santa-in-Training in Chimney as they Attempt Rooftop Flirting

Landlords laugh over student renter's misfortune

I never asked for this

Ay yo lil mama lemme whisper in your ear

voyeurist listens to sandy and Danny from grease

Psssst! Did you hear about Susan? You won’t believe it!

lady and the tramp meets beauty and the beast?

human trafficking

And for just $30 you too could have your own tiny brick cage!

Psst I’m wearing assless chaps under this dress

A couple tortures a man in a box.

It's all fun and games being stuck in a chimney until your greasy uncle steals your crush from right above you-- okay ngl this could actually be a great Don Pasquale concept

Taking eavesdropping to the next level

Will you two stop being lovey dovey and let me out? SUMMER LOVIN, HAPPENED SO FAST— 

overhearing how people talk about you when they think they're alone puts you in the shithouse 

Does he know we can see him?

dear god, i am so fucking hungry, yall please just do whatever heterosexuals do so i can go eat a popsicle 

the human version of the trash man from sesame street is realizing that those two are going to fuck on his trash can 

Tmw you capture an angry short dude and start trashtalking him where he can hear 

Omg what if we kissed but we actually kissed the lil goblin man under us

"Remember, don't feed him after midnight"

originally taken from: the Théâtre de Capitole du Toulouse’s 2017 staging of Giacomo Meyerbeer’s Le prophète, featuring Leonardo Estevez (right, on fake horse) as Le Comte d’Oberthal

Responses:

“When I said we needed to drain the swamp I didn’t think there were people actually living there”

horse? what horse? no sir i dont know what horse youre referring to.

definitely don't have a napoleon complex going on

King stole La Scala‘s Lohengrin set

king breaks all his horses, has to use statue dragged by servants as transportation because he’s too kingly too walk

Emperor Söder and his subjects on a carnival procession

man on horse makes a big deal out of being on a horse

That’s not Zeffirelli because the horse is not alive

Who the fuck put a horse on the stage

isn't this that picture of napoleon on the horse

Area Count Thinks Citizens will be Intimidated by his Extremely Fake-looking Horse Statue-- closest

Everyone wants their turn on the giant plaster horse. Police are there to make sure everyone waits their turn.

Night out with the lads

Local royalty horrified at the state of his own damn kingdom

gay army fights different gay aesthetics-- hi author how does it feel to be the funniest fucking person on this quiz

Well at least I LOOK badass

ceasar if he hadn't gotten stabbed (colourised)

some soldiers jumped out of my kindergarten fairytale collection book to burn the don carlos flemish deputies at the stake

It’s just a model

Is that how you feel pulling up in your Honda Civic, Madge?

Someone rides a horse statue in public.

Just a normal party with the bros.

what is this, some kind of crossover episode? 

Terribly sorry for all the fuss, it’s just, that is, my horse is afraid of neck ruffles. I’ve tried to talk to him about it, but he’s—whoaaa there—he said he was a french courtier in a past life and he’s allergic to English fashion 

Horse seller, listen to me! I am riding into battle. I need your strongest horse. - We have horses at home. - The horses at home: 

All hail Incitatus the king 

we are not ripping off shakespeare’s henry viii. what the fuck. this is about lenny xi you uncultured swine, go drown in a pit of your own farts 

oh god is that hamilton 

Guy Removed From Art Museum For Sitting On Statue, more at eleven 

Gay <3

Officer: This horse... is a virgin! Crowd: *cheers*

originally taken from: the Parma Verdi Festival’s 2017 staging of Giuseppe Verdi’s Stiffelio, featuring Maria Katzarava (left) as Lina and Luciano Ganci (right) as Stiffelio

Responses:

That One kid in class

its a mEntAL BreAkDowN *final countdown but kazoo*

*record scratch* yeah, that's me. you're probably wondering how I got here-- closest

Dad keeps monologuing, teenager is done

left: all of my concerned friends, right: my emo ass having a very public mental breakdown

the demons in the corner of my room when im just trying to sleep

lady gets mansplained to (do i need to say more, we've all been there)

It’s probably an area baritone telling off an area soprano-- sorry; it’s a tenor. soprano is right though.

That was a fake horse in the last photo right?

child comes out as gay to father at a particularly bad time

dissociation solves everything

I can't believe it's not butter

Honey we talked about this

My sleep paralysis demon is Crowley from supernatural

child has nightmare of boring job

When you start dating a singer but he won’t stop practicing at night

just an average day in a hetero marriage

what do i do my wife's having period cramps again

Stop having an existential crisis. It’s time to sing!

“No son of mine will kin Gomez Addams under MY roof”

Crowley stares into space while a teen has post nut clarity.

When he wont stop reciting jordan peterson monologues!!

Do you realize how effed you are?

Ugh, not this lecture again! Dad’s Practicing For His Experimental Indie Band Again 

asking your parents for help with your own personal situation and them just ranting off about what they went through instead of helping in any way 

Will he shut up already!

no one tell him he’s yelling in the wrong direction, no one tell him plnsbdjddhdj 

this kid is tired of his dad listening to rush limbaugh (a man who claimed to be pro life but died anyway) 

Me internally vs externally 

Daddy issues

originally taken from: the Grand Théâtre de Genève’s 2020 staging of Giacomo Meyerbeer’s Les Huguenots, featuring several chorus members

Responses:

It’s the deadly eye Of Poogley-pie. Look away, look away, As you walk by, ‘Cause whoever looks right at it Surely will die. It’s a good thing you didn’t … You did? … Good-bye. - shel Silverstein

why the fuckith? my good sir, i beg of you to put your pants back on

I hate this itchy hat

Titanic Extras hear that they have to do extra hours

people waiting to board the titanic watch someone fall off the plank

pov: you’re a time traveler

guy in the flatcap is embarrassed by patriotism and pathos

No idea. For some reason Le Marseillaise comes to mind

Is this from Harry Potter?

disneyland main street usa workers on strike

local tries to hide behind Newsies cap to avoid unpleasant but inevitable conversations. meanwhile, some very fashionable ladies look on.

"Thank fuck, 2020 was just a dream after all"

“We gather here today because this bitch got exactly what she deserved” “heaven!” “Stfu Stephanie she’s going to hell and we all know it”-- not quite but this basically happens later on in the opera (and act) so yeah (except the person in question very much Did Not Deserve It)

dc movie filter on bridgerton

america?

looks like my history teacher paused the prohibition documentary again

Who still wears page boy hats bro?

Coming out to a room of people who Already Knew That

Bitches are relieved at some party.

Several drunk people exiting getting off the subway attempting to seem sober and rational but realizing they have somehow lost all of their possessions

How tf do I act natural in this situation-- closest

“do you think any of them noticed that I don’t know the pledge of allegiance” 

It's too fucking hot outside for this outfit 

?

when hyyh yoonkook ending just hits different 

pedestrians watch in horror as the triangle shirtwaist factory burns and the workers throw themselves out of the windows from a dozen stories up 

Starting the pledge of allegiance be like 

He's having a heart attack oh no oh god oh fuck

originally taken from: if I remember correctly, the Semperoper Dresden’s 2018 semi-staging of Johann Strauss II’s Die Fledermaus, with Jonas Kaufmann as Gabriel von Eisenstein

Responses:

“William Shakespeare wrote: "To thine own self be true And it must follow, as the night the day Thou canst not then be false to any man" I believe this wise statement best applies to a woman A blonde woman Over the past three years she taught me And showed us all That being true to yourself never goes out of style Ladies and gentlemen Our valedictorian: Elle Woods!” - legally blonde the musical

eat ass, suck a dick, and sell drugs

woooooorrrrd

Finally Jonas has graduated! It’s about time, considering he’s an international star.

what my professors think they look like

Prof. Dr. Dr. When someone tells him there are more than two genders

'and since you've now graduated high school, you'll be entering college etc. blablabla' .........meanwhile, there's a whole row of graduates daring each other to chug the cheap vodka one of them has brought in gallons (yes that happened at my graduation, lol)

Jonas darling baby <3-- can’t argue with that

I just realized I have no idea what the actual fuck happens in an opera

ok this one is just what jonas kaufmann always wears you can't fool me.

"as valedictorian i will share with you the importance of loving the floor"

"Yes, mother, my art degree will make me money!"

Graduation speakers are out, singers are in

Senior year takes a new meaninbg

mansplainer professor explains the concept of feminism to women

Your Prof when you finally turn in that missing assignment be like

younger boris johnson (derogatory)

jonas kaufmann retires from opera and takes up motivational speaking

What a fine graduation evening we’re having today

-70 points for slytherin you all have no swag

A man with a college hat sings.

An obviously greying actor trying to play a university student in a low-budget porn parody

How it feels to graduate high school after being held back for years

East High is a place where teachers encouraged us to break the status quo and define ourselves as we choose. Where a jock can cook up a mean crème brûlée, and a brainiac can break it down on the dance floor-

I may not have been "cool" in high school, but in ten years you will all be working for me!

I finally got my GED!

that one guy in ur intro to cultural anthropology class who mansplains to the professor somehow fucking graduated

he;s just graduating and taking his speech too serously idk

Graduation speeches with that one dude who got held back 3 times

Smrt

originally taken from: the Metropolitan Opera’s 2011 staging of Gioachino Rossini’s Le Comte Ory with Joyce DiDonato (left) as Isolier, Diana Damrau (center) as Countess Adèle, and Juan Diego Florez (right) as Le Comte Ory (disguised as a hermit)

Responses:

There is something very [disturbing grunts] About polyamorous couples - polyamorous, Chris Fleming

jinkies

femme fatale (including to herself)

I’ll have a threesome soon !

Hot guy walks by, everyone swoons.

thirdwheeling friend does not realize the other two are having sex

When your girlfriend had „just two beers“ again

jesus is exasperated about having to drag the two ladies towards doing what he needs them to do instead of purple dramatically declaring suicidal intent over the smallest trivial matters and red being equally dramatic about declaring that it's not the way! stay alive! i love you!!

The throuple is thriving

Get off the milf

orgy

my last three braincells because im a horny slut

countess receives too much love and is confused on how to react

Rasputin's lesser known romp with a much older czarina of russia

Woman's soul leaves body

Jesus and co. are worried after another woman gets pregnant without having sex

bisexual looks at photos of celebrity couples

When you go to the party to socialize with new people but your weirdo friend group starts getting clingy

Jesus cumming

one of those weird church christmas pageants but everybody's drunk

What have I done

Hozier??????????

Jesus assfucks some purple lady being hugged.

This time, the chick IS the magnet

An affair/threesome gone awry (2019 colorized)

What do you mean they canceled GLOW?

“I TOLD you it was cashmere!”

Are you wearing the - - The Gucci dress? Yes I am.

It's not what it looks like!

jesus is fucking that one cheerleader who grew up to be a suburban mom with one (1) super cool dress she stole from her kid who is desperately hugging her middle begging for it back because the spring fling is coming up and jason might actually make eye contact with her for more than three seconds.

jesus and mary magdaline and some other bitch

I’m at a bar and these drunk girls are flirting with me, do I lOOK GAY?!

Shrek 5, jesus's return

c. 2025 First attempt of an Officer and his Wife with a Handmaiden (colourized)

just about all of these are close lol

originally taken from: the Bolshoi Theater’s 1993 staging of Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky’s The Maid of Orléans, featuring Nina Rautio (left) as Joan of Arc and Vyacheslav Pochapsky (right) as Thibaut d’Arc

Responses:

Don’t look, I’m still pooping

yall, the audacity of this man. he fuckin talked to me

*i can't even tell you how wrong you are* *it would be insulting to ME*-- closest

Cospeto!

„No I’m not talking to you, you keep cracking bad jokes!“ - „But I got another!“

when you’re mad at him but he says he’ll buy you food if you cheer up

When I’m wallowing in self-pity but my friends won’t comfort me

right: wanna fuck ;) left: yeah, fuck OFF lmao

Her face is screaming “don’t tell me what to do”

Yeah I got nothing

gay man tries to hit on a lesbian bc he thinks she's a twink. she's not amused but she's watching this happen anyway

me tired of MET's bullshit and them organising a Netrebko, known blackface apologist, a recital during Black History Month. (sorry im still fucking salty lol)

"stop smiling at me like that I'm trying to pout over here"

"I got fleas, you got fleas... wanna fuck?"

I have the best idea!

Haha nooooo don’t hit me with that bat you’re so sexxyy

lesbian is bothered by dilf

Me trying to flirt

if call me by your name was hetero and set in america

how many more dad jokes can i take before i explode

So. You’ve gotten yourself in a little pickle again.

What if we fought in the Russian revolution together ✨???????... unless??

Two people flirt in a poor place of town/

"If you ask me what I've got under this dirty, shapeless tunic one more time I swear to god I will kick your rotting teeth in"

You look like ur gonna kill me but ok

Really? You again?

Okay, I’ve been sitting here for 20 minutes, do you think it’s safe to—oh god, he’s still there.

Have you seen Godot?

she is tired of everyone’s shit. she has done so many derivatives it physically pains her to see a variable. dont test her. ur icarus rn.

idk pick better pictures-- I HAVE DIED THE SHEER AUDACITY AND HUBRIS I LOVE THIS

200% done with your crap 

Homeless man has fucking legs of steel n is gonna show off his Russian dance moves

originally taken from: the Théâtre de Capitole du Toulouse’s 2019 staging of Paul Dukas’ Ariane et Barbe-bleue, featuring Sophie Koch (right) as Ariane and I don’t remember who the person on the left is rip me

Responses:

The knight who wore this into battle sure was swaggy

dear god its hiddeous

Capitalism

Knight in shining armour gone even more wrong.

ghost contemplates the safety of spiky motorcycle helmet

„Stop! He feels bullied!“

'this is my newest take for jesus's crucifixion crown ...... what do you mean they already put him up'

That’s probably a really expensive magic helmet idk. IDK-- closest

Omg I love the adventure zone!

minesweeper (windows xp)

"Okay whatever you do don't touch the shiny spiky ball" "It's so shiny I wanna touch it"

Taking down the trash way too late

IT'S NOT A PHASE MOM

Darth Vader got stuck in the freezer.... again. Leia isn’t happy

Star Wars 2030

“And here is the very latest in motorcycle helmet trends” “Look, I only came to the mall for a pair of socks “

futuristic kkk

long-suffering jewelry store attendant really wants to retire

Put it down put it down put it down

“Hmm no you should see a doctor about that”

A weird ass crown is presented

The creation of sars-cov-2: an experimental Eurotrance nightclub art piece gone horribly wrong

How it feels to want something that u cant have

AND WE WILL CALL IT—SPIKE MAN actually do you think that’s too obvious?? Because of the—yeah, because of the spikes?? See, that’s what I’m worried about. I want it to be SCARY

I know it's risky but... lube me up

?

use the force luke.

that is a weird fleshlight

When you get an ugly gift and need to find a way to get rid of it, so your family member/friend offers to smash it

Touch the orb

originally taken from: the Opera Vlaanderen’s 2019 staging of Fromental Halévy’s La Juive, with Nicole Chevalier (left, with bottle) as Princess Eudoxie, Enea Scala (center, under table) as Prince Léopold, and Roy Cornelius Smith (right) as Éléazar

Responses:

When no one comes to your birthday party :(

fantastic, day 487 of mischief and they have yet to find my masterful hiding spot

i really wonder who he thinks he's playing footsie with

Marriage crisis. Reason sits under the table-- closest but not in the way you think (after all, the man under the table IS a tenor).

the last supper afterparty after jesus left

When you order the last supper on wish

espionage at the Politischer Rosenmontag

Probably the wrong opera but is that Leporello under the table

Now THIS is a Good Friday night

this was every birthday party i went to between the ages of 5 and 11

that awkward moment when you drop your fork under the table but when you re-emerge everyone else has left except one drunk lady and the guy trying to deal with her

After the last supper

Tfw you arrive to the dinner party too early and have to hide until a more fashionable hour

When the cishets aren’t home

waiter hides from customers

Nobody: My dog every time I’m eating:

what's left of the homies Jesus had dinner with

university chem lab experiment gone terribly wrong

I’ve been under the table FOR 30 MINUTES

Set your friends up by tossing them off under the table, they’ll think it’s each other n fall in luv

Someone hids under a table

"You're about to see an surreptitious-under-the-table-dick-sucking master at work"

5 yr old me trying to eat the desert under the table without my parents finding out be like:

They never invite me to their parties!

Just another girl’s night in

Oops! Didn’t notice you the table.

dionysus - bts (2019, colorized)

just a normal episode of eric andre (eric is the one under the table)

Just a normal day with the boys

Thievery

originally taken from: the Théâtre de Capitole du Toulouse’s 2017 staging of Giacomo Meyerbeer’s Le prophète, featuring Kate Aldrich (left, surrounded by women in white) as Fidès and John Osborn (center, looking like a Jesus doppelganger) as Jean de Leyde

Responses:

Hold up, is that Eggman above Jesus?

holy disco

Looks like Tannhäuser. Our lord and saviour Richard Wagner. Now I need to be saved from that.

catholicism

me defending pineapple on pizza (THANK YOU)

jesus but hes about to be abducted by the alien ufo above him

Emmmmmmm Heaven? Idk

Lord of the rings?

ewww christianity gross

"behold, I am Important"

"Seriously?? It's not ACTUALLY pyjama day? Fuck you guys!"

Jesus at the Disco

Jesus Finds The Molerat People Who Live Under Bethlehem

disco is heaven

Want to join my new religion?

the kkk

church christmas pageant where everyone's sober but it's based on the director's fever dream

Am I the only one who sees the giant demon? Just me? Okay...

“Oh god I think I’m starting my period”

A party is held with a priest in the middle

"Let's get this secret Vatican sex party rolling!"

The new avengers endgame set is looking great!!

You know, guys, I try not to be a bother but...I can’t help but feel like I missed a dress code memo for this wedding??? It’s cocktail, right??”

Jesus visits Hogwarts

I must really stink if no one will even come close to me

the extra ass funeral i DESERVE

star wars life day

A cult at it’s best-- closest

Shrek 5, Jesus is still there I guess

originally taken from: the Royal Opera House, Covent Garden’s 2013 staging of Giuseppe Verdi’s Les vêpres siciliennes, featuring Bryan Hymel (left, standing) as Henri, Lianna Haroutounian (center, kneeling in the black gown) as Duchess Hélène, and Erwin Schrott (kneeling to her right) as Jean Procida

Responses:

When the director’s like “great rehearsal guys, just a few notes before I let you go” but it’s already 9:13 and your mom’s waiting in the parking lot

loyalist of subjects

bow before your queen

They forgot to take down the stage boxes after the Vienna opera ball but the show must go on.

somebody forgot to book chairs for this funeral

Me sharing God’s (Hayley koyoko) word on the discord server

mass execution bc the oboe solo sucked ass-- closest

That’s too many black suits I can’t see shit

I can’t even tell what’s going on here

8th grade school assembly about how it's uncool to shit on the walls at school

let's all get fancy so we can go to the opera and sit on the stage (idk this one's hard lol)

"Yes i am a time traveller, now don't freak out"

Tfw you forget to pay your lighting bills

White guys make decisions that will benefit them and screw someone that’s not a white guy over-- OUCH but that is too real (although not really in context here)

dead man gives speech at his own funeral

brotus and the boys ??? last meeting before the stabbing

high society social function ends in mass murder-- right opera, wrong scene

Someone walks into the talent show stage with a dog

Black-dressed bitches worship a man.

Worst school assembly of all time

POV:You're the window in the classroom and someone said "its snowing"

When the conductor shows up fashionably late to the orchestra concert

That's what you get for choosing the cheapest ticket option, get back in the mud where you belong

?

theyre just trying to jump into a grave at a funeral leabe them alone this is normal

oh my god he really whipped his dick out in front of everyone, this is just like in 1776 guys, except some women are actually in the room this time,

A funeral, stop wearing so much black

I want to slap their bald heads like rice

originally taken from: the Teatro Real Madrid’s 2018 staging of Gaetano Donizetti’s Lucia di Lammermoor, featuring Roberto Tagliavini (right) as Raimondo

Responses:

Crowd “haha!! Looks like someone missed the all-black memo!! Now it’s laugh-in-your-face time! / Guy on the floor (whispering to guy against wall): go, save yourself! I’ll hold them off...”

if i leave now i wont be a witness and can tell the police i had no idea

it was the best of times, it was the worst of times

Guy in the back pretends to help but is to far away to even know what’s going on.

priest walks in on beginning of an orgy, contemplated joining but is too scared-

when someone brings up capitalism but you’re just trying to play minecraft

lol lets trample this guy while the judge isnt looking

Again. Too many black costumes

Loved this Dostoevsky novel

i would know if opera directors were more creative with clothing choices ngl

me on parties lol

"imma just sneak out of here while everyone else is distracted"

"Where did he get this flooring!? Amazing!"

Everyone act normal!

The tell tale heart but they got REALLY drunk

man tposes to ward off vampires after being caught undercover

boys ???? night

the priest really shouldn't have visited the insane asylum-- closest

He’s FINE everyone’s been hit by a car before

Something happens in a room.

Perks of being a wallflower

There's always that one person in the fight whos trying not to get involved when they really wanna

Oh good, they’re all posing for a Rembrandt painting, I can just sneeeeaaak out the back here...

The gamer livestreaming Resident Evil + everyone watching the stream ? waiting for him to open the door just knowing it will trigger a chase scene

Quick!

the guy t posing in the back is regretting his every decision.-- also accurate

the us senate jumps ted cruz, some other wack ass gop senator is trying to sneak away

...I spoke too soon, however this is a James Bond mission

Queers help fellow queer do math but it's a struggle

[rainydayhogwartsimagines]

Draco Falling in love if you were in Gryffindor Pt2

Warnings: Swearing. Angst.

You were there for the last trial and some anxiety just fucking hit you like a bus

Something was wrong. You knew this and you tried to voice that.

Draco could tell you were nervous for your two friends that were in this

Most of the trial was spent trying to calm you down, Fred and George also trying to distract you

That's when Harry came back and you stood up and saw it

"No." You whimpered.

Draco couldn't see what made you react like that until he realized that Harry was on top of Cedric.

You buried your face in Draco's jacket and just sobbed

Fred and George couldn't believe this happened.

Hermione and Ron watched as Mad eye Moody walked away with Harry sobbing

You were left to hear Cedric's poor father screaming over his dead son's body.

The next few days were hard

No one dared to separate you and Draco.

Which finding him asleep on the couch with you in his arms in the Gryffindor common room was now a regular occurrence.

Mcgonagall never questioned shit.

You helped Harry through his grieving and he helped you with yours.

You spent the summer again with the Weasleys

Fred and George's business was surprisingly well

Something strange happened though.

Mid-day, all of you were sitting around having lunch and there was a knock on the door.

Draco was standing there with this shocked look.

"Draco? Sweetie what's wrong?" Molly asked.

"I've uhm..." He walked in and ran a hand over his face. "I've been disowned." He said making everyone stand up.

"What!?" You asked.

"My uhm.. my family called me a blood traitor for being with you and uh..." Draco blinked a few times.

"They disowned me." He repeated.

"Good lord!" Arthur gasped and you hugged him.

"You've got us Draco... We're not going anywhere." Fred said putting a hand on his shoulder.

"If I see Lucius in public can I kick his balls?" Ginny asked making everyone turn to her.

"What? I'm just saying! A swift kick to the--"

"OKAYYY GINNY!" Molly said putting a hand over her daughter's mouth making you all laugh.

Draco stayed with all of the Weasley's too.

Molly found him sitting outside one night and she sat next him.

"Are you alright?" Molly asked.

"Couldn't sleep. I give Y/n so much crap about staying up late but I'm the one who can't sleep." He chuckled.

Molly put a hand on his shoulder and he sighed.

"We love you Draco. Just the way you are and we wouldn't change a single thing about you. You're not a blood traitor." Molly said.

Draco hugged Molly and she gained a son that day.

The school year started with Umbridge.

That damn woman and cats. What the fuck was with her and cats!?

You hated that woman more than anything and when Fred and George pulled a bunch of fireworks out you were like "Right on!"

Course when they were expelled it pissed you off more than you could possibly say.

For some reason Draco was loved by this woman though and he used that to his advantage.

When he found out about her hurting Harry you actually had to restrain him from killing her.

When centaurs took her you wouldn't stop smiling.

You kept singing "ding dong the bitch is gone" and everyone couldn't stop laughing.

Draco's parents did try to convince him to leave you and come back home to which he responded with a simple "No. Fuck off."

You guys joined the order

You stood by Harry every step of the way and when Arthur nearly died Draco was pissed.

Like he had some murderous rage in him

You all worked with Harry and Sirius though

Sirius actually loved Draco

Like yeah, the kid's dad is an unbearable asshole but damn this kid's got a spark!

Draco actually thought Sirius was awesome too.

When he found out the two of them were related they were like "Hey! Disowned buddies!"

But everything came to a screeching halt when you helped Harry

and ended up in that battle.

Shit hit the fan and of course Draco's father was there.

It all happened so quickly, flashes of light going by you as Tonks tried to get you and Draco to safety.

Then you heard it.

Bellatrix's killing curse.

You turned around and saw Sirius stumble and your heart dropped.

You broke away from Tonks, sprinting to Harry.

You had to pull him back as he let out this hauntingly sad scream.

When you finally got out of there Harry was of course having a meltdown.

Draco was there for him though listening to it all

It was almost hard to believe that Draco hated him at one point.

Draco made him laugh at one point

"Did you see my father's face when the thing actually broke though? I think he almost cried"

Harry was glad he had this guy as a friend

The school year was of course hard on Harry

Ron could see the poor guy's mental state just deteriorating

Draco no longer had to worry about things getting back to his parents, so you bet your ass Harry sat at that table every fucking day.

"Wait wait wait. You're telling me that his cane is also his wand?" You asked about Lucius's cane.

"Yeah he pulled out at the ministry, that's why he carried it with him? I always figured it was because he was a pompous ass who wanted to look official." Harry said making you all laugh.

When Albus died all of you were in this state of shock

Like holy shit this is bad.

Like it was bad before but now it's bad.

When Snape took over Draco genuinely could not tell if he was evil or not.

He was literally the only one in the group who was automatically like "He's evil dude"

You guys didn't realize how bad this would get until you had to bust into Bellatrix's vault

You were more of a look out of sorts

And uhm

All of you ended up at the Manor.

"Seriously, is your dad goth or just a fan of black?" You asked.

"Personally I think he takes the whole evil thing too seriously." Luna said.

"See Luna gets it." You said.

Then they chose a prisoner... Or two.

They figured the quickest way for information was to ask Draco while hurting you.

And boy it almost worked

You screamed bloody murder as she carved into your arm

He had to restrained by two people as you screamed.

Even Lucius thought this was too extreme, for fucks sake you were children.

Harry finally got free though and you all left

You were crying like crazy, you couldn't catch your breath as Draco held you.

The two of you were so scared then and damn it only got worse as that final battle approached.

You told your family to run and do not fucking look back and they did

Molly hated seeing you come home that day

You looked so exhausted and you just hugged her crying.

Fred and George both hated seeing you like this.

I mean: yes you spent your past few years here in the burrow but damn it that was your family.

You finally got to that battle

You fought strong and hard the whole time

Any death eaters near you or your friends went down in seconds

Draco saw Fred in danger and saved his life.

"You just saved my life!" Fred panted.

"Anything for a friend." Draco said also out of breath.

"We're not friends Draco." Fred breathed. "Sorry I--" "We're brothers." He finished.

And damn it Draco fought even harder because the Weasleys became his family.

When Ginny and Molly were in trouble he was not having that shit.

"GET AWAY FROM MY MOTHER YOU PRAT!" he said before fucking destroying her.

Molly managed to find a smile in such a tense situation.

Ginny also thought "This guys an asshole. But he's my brother so it's fine."

You and Draco fought together at one point against his parents

Oh God Draco was a wreck as he was arguing with his father.

"YOU COULD'VE BEEN WITH US! YOU COULD'VE HAD THE WORLD WHY DIDN'T YOU WANT THIS!?" Lucius screamed as he threw attacks.

"I JUST WANTED YOU TO FUCKING LOVE ME!" Draco answered, knocking Lucius on his feet.

"Go. Don't you ever show your face again!" Draco told him.

And Lucius booked it with his mother.

Then the battle reached a halt when Harry was dead.

Draco took it hard, burying his face in your shoulder as Hagrid held Harry.

Hermione and Ron both couldn't believe this was happening. This was their best friend.

You listened to Neville's big "Fuck you" to voldemort before noticing Harry's leg twitch.

You touched Draco's shoulder and Harry finally fell out of Hagrid's arms and Draco grabbed the wand and threw it to Harry

The battle was so bright it looked like the light from it was fucking melting

And then Harry won

It was over.

Everyone was cheering until their throats gave out

You hugged Draco and the Weasleys hugged you guys.

When you finally let go Draco let out a laugh.

"Y/n I have a question." He finally said.

"What is it?" You asked.

"Will you marry me?" He asked.

Everyone in your vicinity went dead silent before you said

"YES YOU IDIOT!"

Your wedding was awesome by the way

Molly made the cake

Later down the road you had kids

And you spent every holiday at the Burrow because the kids loved their grandparents

Course they also loved their uncles who gave them free stuff from their shop.

Everytime you went to King's cross you and the group would get dinner together.

You became a journalist, Draco worked at the ministry alongside Arthur

You absolutely loved the people sitting at the table.

Because damn it: This was family.

And it wasn't going anywhere.

[leechonspeeddial]

Midnight Shift: Singer's Blood

Summary: Something wicked might have come to the Burger King. Either that, or someone really needs deodorant

wc: 1.7k

Read on ao3

"And just like that? I'm in your game?"

"Eh, 'just like that' is like not it, Gucci, but basically. Yeah, dude," I watched as sprite mini-me walked all over the map — a pixelated version of East Laddle's last remaining Burger King, complete with a rat king decomposing in the parking lot and Not Kevin's monster of a car covering an old blood stain.

"Call me Gucci again and I'll burn down your secret edibles stash"

"Nah, dude. The invitation for your family's gala was written in gold, and the card was imported from France. I think I'm entitled, yeah?" I rolled my eyes and cursed as the date to Alice's stupid party drew to a close. Two more days before the humans unknowingly walked into a vampire lair.  

It was cliché to say that I just wanted to be a normal kid, and there was a part of me that would be happy to explain everything I felt with the cliché. But I knew that wasn't it — spending a decade in high school made you realize how stifling normal could be. What I truly wanted was to be left alone; I was fed up of Alice treating my like one of her dolls and everyone enabling her. I was tired of having no thought that was truly for myself and Edward violating my privacy on a whim. It hurt to see Rosalie go from a doting mother to a distant figure when I no longer looked like a child, much like it hurt to see Bella see me as an extension of her beloved husband. 

Being able to hear all of them have sex only made everything much worse.

"Whatever. Just show me my final boss form. You said your roommate was hardcore into Junji Ito"

"Alright, but we only have the concept art for it, though. Abby got super pissed at us for smoking her artisanal weed, so she's not like making the sprite until we get her more, 'kay?" Straight Kevin minimized the game and navigated through his discord server. I left him to his search so I could refill my mello yello; it was always a good shift when Gay Kevin and Not Kevin were away from the store. They were objectively entertaining men, but they also got a little too intense about work here. Neither would let us blow off work in favour of our personal projects. 

Not since Wrestlemania Condimentalooza.

I slurped at my drink and absentmindedly wiped at the counter. Straight Kevin had his phone hooked to our sound system and he was blasting his playlist. His taste in music was…was one would call eclectic if one was feeling charitable – and boy, did I feel like I was making a million dollar donation. In the past hour alone, we had listened to swedish rap, some Nancy Sinatra, Blackpink, Tibetan throat singing, quebecois death metal, and Maroon 5. 

Fucking Maroon 5. 

But none of that compared to the song that was currently playing. It was less of an auditory experience, less of a musical treat, and more like being forcefully turned into a robot that was in the middle of short circuiting. Not only could you feel the beat, but you could see it too. It looked like flashing lights, and I was certain in that moment, that if it continued I would soon be able to taste sound.

And it was during that assault of my senses that I smelled it. Something unlike anything I had ever smelled before and an immeasurable sense of dread washed over me. The pit in my stomach felt like a black hole as I stood ramrod straight and saw a man I had never seen before enter the building alongside Jeremiah.

Nothing about him particularly stood out. He looked like any other white guy that just got out of the office. He was tall though, taller than anyone else here. Not unnaturally tall, mind you, but...something about his aura felt dangerous. I was on edge and no longer breathing, was this how it felt to be near il tuo cantante?

I made eye contact with the man and tried to place the smell, the flavour of it. It didn't taste enticing, if anything the rat king out back called to me more than the man did. But if this was what Bella smelled like when she was human, I had many questions for Edward.

"How's it hanging, Carrot top? Still working on that game, I see Shaggy," Jerimiah appeared oblivious of my behavior. Then again, glaring to our customers wasn't uncommon for me.

I looked away from the man and I saw Jerimiah set up a chess game on his table. Oh no.

"My man C.J. here is buying me lunch, so you can tell your anxious manager not to have a panic attack over more 'non-paying customers'"

"Nah, it's all cool, dude. Kev and Not Kev are on a supply run. Another of our suppliers dropped us like a hot potato"

"Cello beach, that's what they say, no?" Jeremiah shrugged and the man tilted his head.

"C'est la vie?" He questioned using a register of voice I had not expected. I hated it.

"Languages were never my thing. Math, now that's my jam," he dropped onto his chair and I decided I needed to clear my airways. I needed to get out of here. 

Now.

"Kev, take their order. I'm going to deal with the raccoons"

I didn't even wait for a response before I hauled ass out of there. Luckily, I had enough self control to not vampire yeet myself. 

Once outside I took a deep breath.

It was a deeply offensive smell, but at least it was a familiar one. Trash, raccoons, and decay, baby. 

Though, on second breath. Way less raccoons than last week. Significantly less. Maybe Gay Kevin had finally bested them, which shame if true. 

I leaned on the dumpster and tried to focus. It was important for me to figure out what the hell was going on, because damn if some paper pusher was the reason we left East Laddle. The Cullens would jump at the opportunity to decrease my autonomy if I ate some guy. 

Which, yeah. Murder shouldn't be taken lightly, but I'd never be able to have as much freedom as I did now.

God, it'd be fucked. They'd make me go back to school and somehow rationalize that decision as a good one. Somehow surrounding me with hundreds of humans after murdering one would make sense because they'd be there to keep an eye on me...

I was getting sidetracked again, back to the matter at hand. 

About three things I was absolutely positive. First, that man stank. Second, there was a part of me – and I didn’t know how potent that part might be – that wanted to murder him in cold blood. And third, I was deeply and irrationally terrified of him.

A trash can fell over with a loud clang and a empty jug of bleach rolled pass my feet. My eyes widened in realization – Jake had once told me that to him, the smell of vampires made his nose burn. It was an unpleasant odor that clung to everything a vampire touched. Similarly, Alice had gone on at length at how much she didn't like how the shifters smelled like.

The man didn't smell like a shifter, which only served to make me more uneasy. He clearly wasn't a vampire, his eyes were bright blue and I heard his heart beat, but my nose felt like burning back there. 

The more I stood in our nearly empty garbage zone, the more questions I had. The last time I felt this level of terror, the freaking Volturi had crossed the Atlantic to personally execute me. It was horrifying.

And exciting. This was something new and unheard of, a break from the monotony of the past 15 years. I needed to solve this mystery and I needed to do it stat. Not only because this was potentially life threatening – and I didn't mean just the vampires, whatever that man was could be a danger to the whole town – but also because the moment the Cullens found out about it, we'd be out the Minnesota, nay, the States, before I could even think to protest. 

I was so not letting the Cullens ruin this for me. This could be my Riverdale moment; Betty who? Resentment Cannibal was on the case. 

...

Ok. That was a bit cringe, but fuck it. I walked back in to the building with a mission in mind. I also washed by hands with our heavy duty soap for at least 20 seconds.

"–that incident he got kicked from kitchen duties. Which sucked, cuz CJ has some wicked knife skills," Jeremiah's voice carried to the back of the kitchen and I mentally prepared myself to go back to ground zero. 

"How didn't you notice the taste? Catfish smell so bad when you rupture their guts"

I walked to our registers just in time to see the man shrug. The chess game was still on going and they had pushed another table besides Jeremiah's to make space for the food. There was only one meal on the tray.

"You should have seen Tammy's face. She wanted to blow up so bad, but she couldn't because Susan was there," Jeremiah pitched his voice up and put on the worst British accent I had heard in my life, "'Oh, it's fine Mr. Singer. No big deal. Not a problem. Honest mistake. Happens to everyone!'" 

He took a bite from his burger before continuing. "That woman is so gone on CJ it makes her look stupid."

The man made a face while Straight Kevin laughed.

"She isn't 'gone' on me"

"'Oh Mr. Singer, is that a new coat? Did you do something new with you hair, it looks spiffing! What a nice strong man you are,'" Straight Kevin dissolved into giggles while Jeremiah kept up his imitation. "You have to tell her your taken, man. For all of our sakes"

I stepped forward to join the conversation, when my phone blew up, vibrating as if its life depended on it. I would have ignore it, but the notifications just kept coming. The three men looked back at me.

Fuck.

I fumbled as I took the phone out from my pocket and I checked the messages, all of the Cullens had send me a text and they all said the same thing.

Family emergency. Alice had a vision. Come home.

Double fuck.

[starryseung]

can i request minho enemies to lovers ?

lee minho + smut

word count: 3.6k words

warnings; oral (both), enemies to lovers, dry humping, slight overstimulation

Lockers

“Fuck you.”

“Oh really? Well fuck you too!” you snap back at the taller male, hands closed in a tight fist.

It was one of the hundred fights you had with your high school rival. Lee Minho. Of course, each school had a unique pair, the kind who are always at each other’s throats, jabbing at each other with vulgar comments, and none of the other students know why. People assumed you both had a past, a never ending fight, a relationship gone wrong.

But in the grand case of you and Minho, there was no such misunderstanding. There was nothing in between you two, ever, and you were always at war with each other for no damn reason. And none of your friends or school mates knew why you two had fumes rising when your eyes met.

The school year had just begun a few weeks ago, and when the lockers were assigned, yours was coincidentally right next to his. Thus every morning started with gossips and tea spills throughout the school now. Just like how it was going to be, today as well.

Someone had vandalized his locker, drawing penises and other unexplainable things, and he obviously held you accountable. You had gone for a trip out to the nearby town with your parents, so hadn’t even come to school for the past week. How could you do something without even being there! You cussed at each other for a couple minutes, throwing crumpled paper and unpredictable forehead flicks at each other. That was until you slightly pushed his shoulder, which was enough to send him off-board.

“Don’t take advantage of the fact that I don’t hit girls—“

“Girls and boys, leave for classes right now!”, your headmistress’s voice boomed throughout the corridor, and all the students that had slowly gathered around the scene started to scurry away to their classes.

“Not so fast, Mr. Lee. You and y/n, my office. Now.” She gestures towards the end of the hall just as the two of you are about to leave.

You and Minho walk towards her office, giving each other death glares occasionally. Just as you reach the general waiting area, she walks past you two as if you two were completely invisible, and heads to her cabin.

“You two can sit and wait! She’ll call you in a while,” the chirpy lady squeaks out, motioning you to sit down.

You take a seat, bouncing your knee up and down. Considering there was place for two only, Minho decides to stand, as he wanted to be as far away from you. You realize and get up from your position, huffing and pointing to the now empty seat.You despised him, but you had a heart.

He sighs, slowly walking over to the couch and sitting down. After a few seconds, he sighs again, feeling bad for making you stand up.

“You don’t have to act like you’re kind. You can sit.”

Wait. Did he think you felt pity on him?

“No, it’s okay. I don’t need your orders. I’ll sit when I want to.”

So much for being kind.

“Fine! Stand.”

A few minutes pass by, and you sense the pain rising from your calves. Your ego was taking the best of you, and you huff and walk over to the congested couch, plopping down next to Minho. He grins, crossing his hands mentally celebrating his victory over you.

You start bouncing your knee again, waiting for the lady inside the cabin in front of you to call you in so that you don’t waste the whole day out here. Minho notices your moving state, and he clicks his tongue, placing a stiff hand on your thigh to stop it from moving and slowly vibrating the entire couch.

“Stop it. It’s annoying.”

You gulp and sit back, relaxing your tense muscles. Acting was hard. You couldn’t pretend that his recent action didn’t affect you. You straighten your t-shirt, fumbling around with the hem.

Just as you think your head was going to explode with all the awkward silence, the secretary walks in, all bright and smiling.

“Come in, kids. She’s calling you in.”

You and Minho get up and you let the taller male walk ahead of you. He pushes the door handle downwards and the old door creaks open, revealing your headmistress sitting on her leather chair. She motions you two to walk in, pointing at the chairs in front of her.

“So, tell me. What was happening out there.”

Minho takes a breath before starting off, but you beat him to it.

“Mrs. Ahn, you know I was out with my parents for the past week. I wasn’t in contact with anyone from the school either! And Minho, here, has the audacity to blame me for drawing… stuff, on his locker! And when I was defending myself, he pushed me—”

“She might’ve come early in the morning and done this! I promise, Mrs. Ahn, this is 100% done by this woman here. You can check today's camera footage!”

And thus, you, Minho, Mrs. Ahn and Mr. Song from the IT department were stuffed into the cabin, with the old man working his way through some files to check out that morning’s footage.

“Here it is,” he announces, hitting play.

The video, after a few skips, does reveal a tall masked man, searching for something, preferably Minho’s locker number, and just pulled out a spray can before vandalizing the school property. Mrs. Ahn gasps softly, and Minho frowns, and you immediately cross your hands, cocking your eyebrow at Minho.

“See? That’s not me.”

“It’s your brother!”

“I don’t even have a brother!—”

“Silence! Thank you Mr. Song, you may leave now. And you two. Stop bickering like small children. You are adults. Behave like it— make amends, and only then you’ll be allowed to leave.”

You both groan and get up, apologizing under your breaths before looking over at the old woman.

“That’s not enough. Give each other a hug.”

“Yeah, no, I think we’ve forgiven each other alre— oomph”

Minho grins, pulling you into a rough hug, and Mrs. Ahn laughs aloud. You push Minho away, fixing your clothes and bowing to your principal before leaving. Minho turns to the woman behind the desk, smiling warmly at her before walking away.

The rest of the day goes rather quickly (because you stayed at the office for most of it) and you call your friend to get her to drop you home, since your Dad must be exhausted from all the traveling last night.

“Hey fish head! This way!”

You groan, cursing under your breath before turning on your heels to look at Minho along with… Mrs. Ahn?

“Good Afternoon, Mrs. Ahn. I was just heading home. Anything important?”

“Yes, actually. Very important. For the past year, I’ve seen you and Minho fight endlessly, and it’s time to put this war to an end.”

You cock your head in confusion, not understanding what she had in mind.

“I want you and Minho to go out today. Just the two of you. You can think of it as a date, a study session, whatever you want. This fight has to end, and I think it’s time for us to intervene before it gets bigger, and… more violent.”

“I don’t think that’ll be something you’d have to worry about, Mrs. Ahn. Minho and I are doing just fine! You don’t have to interfere, really—”

“I wasn’t asking, y/n.”

She replies, displaying a toothy smile. She walks past you and Minho, who simply smirks at you, and she leaves before announcing, and you scowl.

“I need proof!”

Minho chuckles, walking past you as well before whispering, “Today at 6? You know where the Pearl Restaurant is, right?”

Your eyes go wide at the mention of the venue. This… dude, was going to take you to one of Korea’s top notch restaurants?

“Yeah, meet me at the café next to it. Bye!”

You stomp your feet in annoyance, walking away to your friend’s car waiting at the entrance.

—

You didn't believe yourself either, but yes; by the time it was 5, you had dressed up. and now you were lying in your bed, contemplating if you should actually go on the date and fulfill his ego, or, he could just photo-shop a picture of you and him at the restaurant and send it to Mrs. Ahn to fulfill her ego.

You decided to call Minho, if he would be accepting of your plan.

"Hey? Do you know how to use Photoshop?"

A laugh resonates from the other line, before Minho responds.

"I had that plan too, y/n. But I suddenly forgot how to start a computer at this point of time? I was going to ask you the same thing! But then I realized that you might not know what a computer is, in the first place," he laughs again, agitating you even more. "I'm surprised you had high hopes from someone you hate?"

You could hear the cockiness in his voice. You could practically imagine that he was grinning as if he had just K.O–ed you (which, no doubt, he had) and you could even hear the sass dripping out of your phone.

"Guess what! I'm freaking coming now, you asshole."

You hang up just as you finish hearing his laughter through the static line. You scream into your pillow and pray that this goes well.

Taking a cab to the cafe Minho had told you to come by, you walk across the street to see him through the glass enclosure of the small aesthetic cafe.

Minho had worn a black tee with some skinny jeans, his earphones plugged in as he tapped his foot lightly on the wooden ground. His pointy nose was hidden behind a black mask, and veiny his hands clasped his phone loosely as he waited for you.

You shudder, thinking about how you were slowly falling for him. You shake off the vague feeling before walking ahead, slowly opening the crimson coloured door. The bell above it jingles softly, and your lungs fill with the warm smell of coffee brewing in the four walls. Minho looks up at you, and he smirks behind his mask as he drinks in your beauty.

You had worn a baby blue sundress, with a silver bracelet your friend had gifted you a while ago. You smile at him and walk over to the table he was at, taking a seat on the opposite side of the booth. He pulls down his mask, enough for his plush pink lips to jut out.

"So, you came, huh?"

"Did you leave me any choice?"

He laughs and shakes his head, slyly reaching out his hand to place it on top of yours which was on the table. You cringe at the sudden wave of emotions in you. You didn't know how to react to his action. Do you not react? Or do you smile? Or wait, do you put another hand on top of his? Your mind was going haywire and was running a speed of a hundred miles a second. Thousands of thoughts run in your mind, and a few so dirty that your breathing hitched in your throat. Minho looks up at you, blank eyes staring back at you.

"You good?"

"Y–yeah. I'm great. Let's just click the picture and get over with this shit."

The waitress walks up to you two and places two menu cards between you. You pick up one, slowly flipping through the pages as your eyes scan for your favourite drink.

"Do you have any favorite kinks?"

"What?!"

"What. Do you have any favorite drinks? There's plenty here…" he trails off.

You shiver. Why was this happening! Did you start hallucinating? In front of someone you hate? Just so he could make fun of you later on?

"I think I need to use the restroom? Yeah I guess, I'll be back in a bit." you ramble, shuffling out of the seat to walk over to the washroom.

You walk inside the small washroom, quickly rushing to a sink and washing your face. You look at yourself in the mirror, fixing up your hair and breathing in and out a few times. You mentally prep yourself up for whatever you had to face outside.

After a few minutes of catching your breath and creepily talking to yourself, you walk out. But when you look up, Minho wasn't there in his seat anymore. Neither was his phone, or whatever else he was carrying with him. You look around, and your eyes fall outside the cafe, and you stare as Minho has his hands behind his back, looking around at the streets. Why was he out? You walk out of the small cafe, bowing to the waiter who held the door open for you.

"Hey! What are you doing here?"

"The coffee was fucking disgusting. Let's go somewhere else."

"Are we seriously continuing this? Just take a picture so we can go back to hating each other," you whine out of annoyance, stomping your feet on the concrete sidewalk.

"Let's go to your place then."

"It's not really clean…" you say with a shrug as you remember the mess your roommate had made before leaving the apartment for the night.

"It's okay! I bet my house is worse."

—

"Okay I take that back. Your house is a dumpster."

"Hey!"

You and Minho reached your apartment, and you knew he was going to day something snarky to piss you off. You sigh and pull him inside the house. You didn't want to deal with another mom–like figure again.

“You can sit, I’ll get something for you.”

“No it’s good I don’t need anything. That coffee made me lose my appetite for the next decade.”

You laugh, placing down your purse on the shelf before walking Minho to your room. Your roommate had strictly warned you to not bring boys to the dorm, and when she was the first one to break the rule, she covered it up by saying they shouldn’t be in the living room or whatever.

Minho plops himself on the single couch, looking around in your room. He looks at you going into the bathroom— probably to change —and uses this moment to check out your room.

You leave the bathroom door half open, since the strong stench of fish cooked by your neighbors filled the small space. You weren’t doing any personal business anyways, just opening the little-too-tight messy bun and combing through your locks for the usual bedtime.

Minho found your bed more comfortable than the rough couch, so he decided to settle himself on it, looking at the small photo frames with pictures of you with your friends and family in them. He hears a thud from your side, looking over in delight if you’ve finally messed something. Instead, he was met with your petite frame picking up the wooden brush you had dropped, resuming to combing through your hair. He wasn’t disappointed, though.

You weren’t just a pretty face to him. You had a beautiful soul. He definitely thought you were cute, and he had fallen for you since day one. And now your actions were just fueling his desire. He sighs, looking down when your eyes meet his through the mirror. You finish off your routine and step out, a soft smile dancing on your lips as you walk over to Minho. You hop onto the bed, crossing your legs and facing him.

“So uhh… who's your favourite artist?”

“Can I kiss you?” Minho asks. His cheeks flush red in embarrassment when you ask something completely unrelated to his request.

“Um, I think so? Yeah. Yes you ca—”

Minho stops you midway by pushing his pink lips onto your chapped ones, grinning cheekily. You can hear the fireworks bursting in your insides, and you try your hardest to stop yourself from smiling wide into the kiss. Minho gently places a hand on your thigh, resting it there until you take initiative and slowly pull away.

He looks at you with soft but dark eyes, lips red and wet from the kiss. You look back at him hungrily, this time leaning over and kissing him. The second time was way better— more confident, lustful, rough, passionate. You coil your arms around his neck, moving deeper and ahead onto his lap. You sit above him straddling him, while he holds you down in place with a strong grip on your waist.

You moan softly when he bucks his hips, slightly grinding into you. He breaks the kiss and falls back on the pillow with hooded eyes and a smirk, having you seated in his lap. You quickly shuffle and pop open his jeans, dragging them down steadily. He slightly sits back up and pulls you into a heated kiss, moving his lips in sync with yours.

You groan when he starts running his hand down your back, unzipping the blue dress. When you’re finally free out of the garment, you resume grinding down on the male as he throws his head back on the pillow, incoherent profanities and moans spilling out his lips. You feel impatience bubbling in you and you pull down the material off of him.

“Wait.”

You look up at him, confusion and curiosity building up in you. He picks you up by the waist and places you down on your back next to him, as he climbs up above you. He latches his lips on your neck, sucking various spots and watching in satisfaction as the purples and reds bloom on the skin. He kisses down your form, pecking your chest, to your abdomen and finally reaches your core.

He licks a tight strip up from your folds to your clit, and you whine at the tease. He smirks, gliding his fingers up and down your cunt. You arch your back reflexively, gripping the sheets under you tightly. Minho looks at you through drowsy eyes, smirking as he feels you crumbling under him.

He prods one finger at your entrance, slowly pushing it deeper and deeper. You moan louder at the intense feeling burning in your core, and Minho starts thrusting his digits in and out of your hole. You feel the pressure building up in you, and just then he adds two more fingers and curls them in you. It was as if an invisible force was tearing you apart, pleasure eating you up.

He hisses as he pumps his fingers in you at an unbelievable pace, reaching his other hand to your breasts and toying with your nipples. You dig your nails into the sheets beneath you, bringing the other hand over Minho’s which played with your boobs.

The burning feeling in your abdomen nothing but rises, and you feel yourself losing your mind as you fall closer and closer to your orgasm. You feel a soft sensation pressed against your clit, and your eyes flutter open as you look at Minho licking and kissing your clit as he humps the bed, driving you insane. He grazes his teeth above your clit, and you let yourself lose, the knot inside you untying. Your juices escape you and Minho licks and laps them up like he was a man starved.

You whine at the overstimulation, and he slowly pulls his fingers out. He sits up as you catch your breath, and sits at the edge of the bed. You crawl down and position yourself between his feet, placing your palms above his thighs. You lick his hard shaft from bottom to top, one hand slowly pumping his base. He sighs deeply, dropping his head down while biting his lip.

You lick his tip one last time, before hollowing your mouth and going down on him. You take him in one go, using your hands for what wasn't going to fit. His tip brushes the back of your throat, and you press your tongue flat against his cock.

He grunts at your pace, holding a fistful of your hair before thrusting harshly in your mouth. Tears spring in your eyes as you take him whole, never leaving his cock void of your touch. He bucks his hips up, loosening his tight grip on your scalp, as you feel his shaft swell. You slide up with a pop, using your hand instead, and pumping him at a quick pace.

You use your other hand to press your fingers on his slit, smothering the pre-cum all over the tip. The sensations send him overboard, and before you know it, he moans and groans as his high washes over him, liquids covering your hand and wrists.

He catches his own breath, as you rush over to your nightstand to grab a couple of wet wipes. You clean up your hands, walking back over to him and handing some to do his business. He swabs off the sweat and struts lazily to the washroom, washing up so that he could leave. You look at him, upset that he was going.

"You're going?"

"You want me to stay?"

"Me? Want you to stay? Pfft yeah right."

You both laugh awkwardly, as he starts getting dressed up.

"No actually, uhh my roommate is a bitch so she apparently doesn't want guys around and stuff so… yeah. I mean I totally wouldn't mind, you know."

"Yeah that's alright, my roommate must be waiting for me. I told him I'd be up to play a game or two."

"Sure. See you."

He grins back, not responding as he grabs his keys and phone to head back home. Once you both bid your farewells, you rush to your room smiling like a madman, throwing yourself onto the bed. You look up dreamily, hiding your face in your hands as you recollect what you had just done. Two dings on your phone wake you up from your daze, and you reach out to check who the messages were from.

M*nhoe: Mrs. Ahn is my aunt

M*nhoe: haha loser.

—

a/n; thank you guys for the support hehe🤧 Also have no reason for why this took me like 300 years to write~ I’ll be posting more frequently now since my school hours have been reduced :)