#taking a selfie with your self-insert is funny actually

[mosaickiwi]

Heyyyy MOMO!! 💖

Can you write me Teo fic?/silly /lh

lol jokes apart, but I have had this lil headcanon of artist Redacted and their muse angel. Or a WEBTOON creator redacted and their editor angel, slow burn pro max hehehe ✨✨

Blowing you up mwah mwah �� 🖤🖤

forgot my own formatting WHATEVERRR

💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤

Unsociable Webtoon Artist Ren yayyy

"Thank you for supporting us! Enjoy the rest of the con!" With a bright smile, you wave away the two attendees and sit down. 

The man beside you gives off a grumble as he loudly slides your chair closer to his. "Finally. 'Thought they'd never leave." He practically drapes himself over your shoulder, pink hair brushing against you. [REDACTED]'s lips press to your cheek, chin, then find a favored spot on your neck.

"You're gonna get us kicked out," you whisper, but make no move to get away. 

"Don't get my hopes up."

You let him be. It was your last day in the artist alley. They'd done almost everything to keep people away from the booth, but the allure of Always With You merch and an autograph from the (disgruntled) creator was enough for a few devoted fans to approach.

Some even stopped by more than once. 

"Heyyy you guys!" came the voice of a patron you'd seen plenty over the weekend. They wore an obscure cosplay each day, and today's outfit was a sight to see.

You stood up as they came closer — both of you ignoring your partner's tch of annoyance. "Oh my god. A Gloomy cosplay??" You scrambled out of the booth to get a closer look.

"Yeah, I just had to after yesterday. It was rushed, and I didn't really do too well with the wig—" They shake their head to let the dark bangs fall over their face. "—but I think it looks great, right?"

"It's amazing!! Ren, we've gotta take a picture!" Excitedly, you turned back to him. 

He reluctantly stood, dragging himself over to you as if pulled by a leash. "We're not supposed t'leave the booth unattended, Angel. Regulations."

You give him a look. The gall of him to say that after running sabotage all weekend. "Okay, nerd. Make it quick then."

[REDACTED] pushes up his glasses and pulls out his phone. As you scoot beside the cosplayer, you suddenly remember his… horrible picture taking etiquette. "Actually, let me do it."

You take his phone — despite the screen being cracked to shit, it did have much better photo quality than yours — and nudge him towards your number one fan, then line up the shot.

The fan wore a huge grin, completely opposite to Gloomy's character. But someone had to be smiling in this picture. "Rennn," you goaded him. 

He managed to draw his mouth into something more presentable than his trademark frown, and gave a sarcastic thumbs up.

It was the best you'd get. You snapped the photo.

💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤

You spent another twenty minutes gushing with the fan about AWY while [REDACTED] openly sulked. Having someone else around to match your non-stop-yapper energy had other attendees coming up to take a look. In spite of your partner's menacing aura, the cheery atmosphere of your booth didn't drop when the Gloomy cosplayer left. There was even a line for a little while.

By the time the artist alley closed, you'd sold way more than you expected. But you were exhausted.

"Ugh, I'm so glad we're not tabling tomorrow," you mutter as you shove the remaining merch box into his car. 

Your blue eyed companion gave a smug smile over the open trunk.  "Never goin' to a con again?"

"Not what I said." You roll your eyes and lean against the car. "Come here."

He slams the trunk shut, all too happy to have the ordeal over with. As they step closer, you're tempted to collapse into his arms. 

Instead, you reach up to ruffle his pink mop of hair. "You survived another ten hours of people who aren't me. Good job."

The sudden blush creeping up his neck betrays his outward calm. "... 'S fine as long as y'had fun."

With a quick look around the parking garage to make sure no one was around, you decide to tease him further. "Who's my good boyyy?"

"Me," came his instant, proud reply. He lets you go on a bit longer before leaning down to bump his forehead against yours. "Ready to go home, love?" 

"Oh good you're still here!" The smile on [REDACTED]'s face melts away into pure disgust, and you turn around to find the source of his mood. 

The Gloomy cosplayer waves as they run over. "I forgot to give you my socials so you can tag me!" Surprisingly, they approach your notoriously unfriendly partner. 

You can see the angry gears turning in his head as they hand him a crinkled napkin scribbled with their information. 

They seem unperturbed and continue talking as he stands there with a frown. "I can't wait to see the picture! And for the next Always With You chapter. Gloomy is such a great love interest! He really compliments the main character so well and — I mean I don't need to tell you that but honestly they're my OTP!!"

"... … … … Thanks," [REDACTED] eventually replies. You stare in amazement. He hadn't said a word to them all weekend.

Someone across the garage shouts for them and they hurry away. "Bye!!"

Confused but somehow satisfied with the interaction, you take the paper from his hand before those unhealthy urges get the better of him. You both get into the car. [REDACTED] mulls over his thoughts, biting the corner of his lip for a few moments.

"I coulda ripped that stupid paper up in front o'them just now," he suddenly says. You nod. "But I didn't." 

You nod again. "Yeah, you didn't."

He confidently nods along as he starts the engine. "So I deserve more praise n' head pats when we get home."

"That's not how it works."

[satorus-little-monster]

🍏 🍊 🍇 🍈 for the ask game 👀

Hiiii Sei! Thanks for the ask!

🍏 describe you and your source! where are you from? what is your time period? what is your backstory? how do you look?

I would probably be one of two things: a Disney character or an anime character. I'm an animated person so anything animated would likely be my source lol. I'd be in a fantasy period, maybe with modern edge or not. And I'd look like me in that rare selfie (minus the red hair and I have a wolf cut style) but animated.

🍊 do they interact with your source’s fandom?

Satoru does, only to refute any bad takes. He will not tolerate slander on my name (I'm his favorite lol).

���� do they talk about their affection for you publicly? do they keep it to themselves?

Give Satoru a chance and he will. He doesn't care if it makes him sound crazy or weird, he will.

🍈 do they create a self insert? oc?

I think he'd create an oc "based on himself" and deny it's a self insert in actuality. It'd be so funny to call him out on it too. Not that he cares whether people think he's cringe, but I think he'd take this to his grave.

[technicontrastron]

This may sound stupid but how do I turn off blazeable on my blogs?

And how is this bad? Again, I don't wanna sound stupid or rude. Thank you for the heads up :]

Hi! No worries, you're not the only one with these questions.

On how to turn off the option to get blazed:

On desktop you can turn it off at this link: https://www.tumblr.com/settings/blog/#blaze It looks something like this

On mobile it's in the account settings menu, there's a lof of screenshots in the additions to my other post like here (i haven't updated since i got a funny little bug that lets me add polls in reblogs of other people's posts so i can't screenshot anything).

Alternatively you can also log into Tumblr in your phone's browser and use the link above there. Don't forget to do it on sideblogs that you don't want to get blazed as well! You can also change the settings per-post in the post menu. I've actually enabled it for my complaint post that's circulating because it would be really funny :D

On how it is bad:

With the way it is set up, people can blaze your posts without active consent. This can be used to bully people, by digging out old or not-adapted posts that were not meant for a wider audience and putting them on blast. This can include vent posts, opinions you might have changed since then, selfies, niche things many people might think are cringe (like 2014 self-insert omegaverse fanfics and the likes ... idk if you've seen the drama that resulted from someone blazing their fic, it wasn't pretty), posts that were only meant to circulate in your carefully curated audience, and more.

Since Blaze's are registered in many minds as advertisement many people will react negatively to them so this opens up a way to bully a lot of people. As usual, people of colour, trans people, and other vulnerable groups will get the worst of it, many are already getting deactivated regularly because of coordinated reporting harassment and since people donate hate organizations all the time they will definitely use the option to make the life of a person they're targeting living hell for 10$.

Staff thought of some safeguards but there are several fallacies:

The option to cancel a blaze before it goes live: Not everyone has access to the internet every day, and staff might accept the blaze while you're asleep / at work / on a trip / in the hospital / on hiatus. Then when you're coming back to tumblr your notes will have turned into a nightmare.

The guarantee that staff will check every Blaze manually to prevent harassment: Let's take the case in which someone's old fic get blazed against their will. How can staff know whether it was blazed with friendly intent (to promote a friend's work) or ill intent (to get people to point and laugh)? They can't as long as it's not against the Terms of Service. In general there will be many false positives (Blazes that get rejected by staff despite being innocent) and false negatives (Blazes that get accepted by staff despite being malicious). After all, the people working at tumblr are only human too. But in this case, false negatives will have devastating consequences - and extinguishing a blaze after it's live will be too late.

Many people don't follow @staff, so many people don't know about this change. In fact many people on that other post commented that they didn't know what Blazes are at all! I think i've read that they will add a login banner to tell you and check your settings, but iirc they had banners like that for the original Blaze function announcement so i don't have faith this will prevent anything.

I should clarify that i don't think the feature itself is bad at all, but it should be opt-in so only people who want to participate get blazed (e.g. art blogs). Or add an active mandatory confirmation by OP instead of a veto option, this would prevent the issues above as well, i think that would be the best option - that way people could leave the option on. I know staff are currently getting bombarded with support requests / flames (please be civil to them guys!) (also sorry. but not sorry. i didn't expect my post to blow up but also i think these are legitimately troubling concerns and i won't make the other post unrebloggable). They're aware of these issues so i hope they will change to one of these options - if they add active mandatory confirmation by OP i would enable to option globally as well (Hint hint this means more money for you, @tumblr, because otherwise many people have and will turn this feature off completely) A bit more time between announcement and go-live (4/20 iirc) would have been helpful as well.

Here's the original announcement by the way:

And since i'm gonna pin the post as long as the other post is circulating: Listen to goatbed guys!

[alirhi]

I can't believe I'm doing this lol...

I might throw up. I almost never post the stuff I write just for me. I'll occasionally send a funny chunk to a friend or whatever, but not open myself up to public scrutiny. I'm aware I've said all this before lol but bear with me, okay?

It's lazy writing (as is... literally all of my fanfiction XD) but I feel like it's coming out fairly decent for what it is, so I thought I'd share a little bit. If you hate it or aren't interested, just ignore it, 'kay? if for some reason you don't hate it, lmk. there's more

Pairing: Sebastian Stan/author (hey, can't say you weren't warned. yes, it's self-insert) Warnings: 18+. I will always mark my writing 18+ even if it never gets explicit. Adult themes, smut is mentioned (but no, not explicit), Seb does something dumb and OOC for him but it served my purpose so whatever XD

After arriving in Manhattan - and eventually finding a place to park; fuck, she hated New York! - she'd ducked into a Starbucks to collect herself and psych herself up a bit. Instead, she was psyching herself out. This was the dumbest, craziest idea she'd ever had, in a thirty-plus-year string of dumb and crazy ideas. This was never going to work. She was never even going to find him! There were millions of people crammed into this putrid petri dish of humanity. There was absolutely no chance she would-

For fuck's sake, was that really him?! Ever vigilant as a lone woman in unfamiliar surroundings, she'd taken a seat in the far corner of the shop, facing the front door. She wasn't looking for anyone in particular, not in here; she was simply making damn sure no one could come up behind her. Still, her position gave her a perfect view of most of the room, and especially the door. Her eyes widened as she watched a very familiar figure in a blue baseball cap enter and head for the counter.

As he neared, she got a clear look at his handsome face, and her heart felt like it suddenly stopped. Yep. That was him. Sebastian fucking Stan had just walked into this random-ass Starbucks she'd only come into to get out of the overwhelming bustle and noise of the city so she could think. She knew he lived somewhere in Manhattan, but wasn't Manhattan rather...large? It was certainly daunting to drive through; all of NYC was.

"Hey."

She flinched, blinking rapidly as she realized that not only had she been staring, but her eyes had dried out. "Hi."

Sebastian smiled, glanced around the busy shop, and asked somewhat tentatively, "Mind if I join you? Just til my coffee's ready."

Like she would say 'no' to anything this man asked of her! With a soft smile she hoped looked less nervous than she felt, she moved her bag off the other chair and gestured. "Of course. And you don't have to leave right away, unless you have somewhere to be. I don't bite." Jesus, that was smoother than she'd ever thought herself capable of! Where the fuck had that come from?!

His smile widened as he sat down, sharp blue eyes never leaving her face. She hoped she wasn't blushing. "Thanks. I don't actually have anywhere to be; I just got home."

"How was LA?" At his look of surprise, she flashed him a wry smile. "I can't just sit here and pretend not to know who you are. It feels creepy and manipulative."

Laughing and making her feel like her heart would burst with joy, Sebastian shrugged and nodded. "I appreciate that. And I really appreciate you treating me like a normal person."

"If you were a normal person," she teased, "I'd have told you to fuck off. I don't trust attractive men; they're usually narcissistic douche bags."

"I can't tell if you're calling me ugly or a douche bag."

She laughed, grateful for the playful glint in his eyes that showed her he wasn't actually offended. "Neither! I'm just saying, if I hadn't seen clips of you on youtube being all awkward and sweet, I'd be afraid to let you near me. You're way too gorgeous." With a wink that made him laugh, she added, "You're in your own separate category."

"So that's how you categorize all the men of the world?" He grinned, nudging her foot with his own. "Ugly, jerks, or awkward?"

"It's actually even more general than that. In my experience all humans are either ugly inside or ugly outside." Smile softening from mocking to a sort of wistful fondness, she told him, "From what you've shown the world, you're neither. Makes me wonder if you're even human sometimes."

"You caught me." Sebastian laughed again, joking even as he stood to get his coffee, "I'm an alien."

"So that's why you're so in love with space! Homesick?"

"Yeah, I guess so!" She loved how freely he laughed, and when he invited her to leave the crowded café and go for a walk with him, she readily agreed. "So what's your deep, dark secret?"

She blinked, staring at him. "What do you mean?"

His mischievous grin made her heart race and heat pool somewhere she didn't want to be thinking about with him standing right next to her. "You torture puppies, or are you an alien?"

He was calling her beautiful. The second she got the joke, she could feel her face turning bright red and she giggled, hastily looking away. "I definitely don't torture puppies."

"So you're an alien."

She could feel him looming over her as they both stopped and moved over to let other pedestrians move around them. Though she was afraid to, she forced herself to look up and was immediately entranced by those captivating blue eyes. "Maybe I'm a fairy."

"You're certainly pretty enough to be."

"Fucking hell, Sebastian, if you get any closer to me I will not be held responsible for what I do to you." She smirked, trying to lighten the mood and take the charge out of the air between them before she made too much of an ass out of herself. "Even with the coffee breath."

He laughed, but the tension didn't dissipate. If anything, the charge and the heat between them only increased. "Maybe you should put something else in my mouth, then."

Damn, this man could flirt! She accidentally knocked the hat off his head as she got a grip on that luscious dark hair and tugged him closer; he didn't seem to notice. He set his coffee down on a nearby window ledge. One hand cupping her jaw and the other grabbing her ass, he yanked her tight against him and thoroughly plundered her mouth with that long tongue she'd spent months fantasizing about. He did taste like coffee, which was a little off-putting - she'd bought a bottle of water in Starbucks; she hated coffee - but she didn't even care. The most perfect man in the universe was holding her tight and kissing her breathless, and she wasn't about to let anything ruin this moment.

Someone else ruined the moment when they cleared their throat. When she saw she had their attention, the fidgeting girl held Sebastian's cap out to him in a slightly shaking hand. "Sorry... Is this your hat?"

Finally realizing they were out in public in broad daylight, the pair sprang apart with awkward chuckles. Sebastian thanked the girl and crammed the fallen hat back onto his head, took a selfie with her when he realized she knew who he was, and sent her on her way. "That moment's gonna be all over the internet."

A nervous giggle bubbled up from her chest, somehow making it past where her pounding heart was lodged in her throat. "Hopefully just the selfie." His cynical scoff caught her off guard and she flinched, glancing around. "I hate that paparazzi shit. No one has any right to be taking pictures of you that you don't consent to and pose for, just like no one should be spreading details about you or your life that you didn't make public, yourself."

The look he gave her then was strange; almost as if he was calculating, or trying to read her. Unsure what that was all about, she simply looked right back at him, being as open as she could. Apparently reaching a decision, he told her softly, "I live like two blocks away."

That seemed random to her. She shrugged, offering him a slightly perplexed smile. "Okay...? That explains why you go to that Starbucks, I guess."

Sebastian laughed and hooked his arm around her waist, tugging her down the sidewalk. "You're adorable. And I'm trusting your adorable ass not to tell anyone."

...Oh. Eyes so wide they hurt, she stared up at him as he guided her down the street. He was taking her back to his place?! The more logical part of her brain was flabbergasted by the idea of this man just casually bringing a total stranger home, while the rest of her was just eager to get him behind closed doors and tear his clothes off. Obviously, the primitive, horny part of her brain won by a landslide, and she didn't say a word.

She noticed that Sebastian was chugging his iced coffee as they walked, and had to bite her lip to keep from laughing. He was going to have to pee so bad when they got to his apartment. Plus, she'd seen him hyped up on caffeine; it was hilarious.

"Make yourself comfortable," he told her as he closed the door behind them, already making a hasty beeline through the place. "I'll be right back."

Yup. She snickered as she settled on the edge of the couch. Straight to the bathroom. She tried not to fidget as she glanced around, but his apartment was just so sterile. Aside from the books on his desk, it didn't even look like anyone lived here, really. The blank white walls hurt her eyes and were starting to set off her anxiety; she dropped her gaze to the sofa and felt the tension ooze out of her muscles as her overactive brain took in the soothing dark gray color of it and slowly relaxed. At least he had a thing for dark furniture.

"You look so rigid all of a sudden."

She shrugged, glancing up at him. "I don't know what I'm doing here. I mean, I think I know why you brought me here, but..."

Oh gods, and there was that soft, kind smile she'd only ever seen in pictures. It, like the rest of him, was so much more beautiful in person. "Having second thoughts?"

More like first thoughts. "Aren't you? You don't know me; literally the only thing you know about me is that I know you're famous."

"And that you're a cynical introvert," he told her with a grin, settling on the couch beside her. "And that you're respectful of boundaries. That all seemed like a pretty good start to me. Hey-" He nudged her, making her smile. "Alien to fairy, I didn't bring you here to push you into anything. Pretty sure that would push me right into the douche bag category."

Giggling a little, she shook her head. "Nope. I'm too big a fan to ever think that about you. You can do no wrong in my eyes, alien."

"Hey, even aliens can make mistakes or do some fucked up shit. I mean, have you seen Independence Day?"

She laughed outright at that, poking his side. "Fair enough. But I somehow doubt that you're planning a genocide, so..."

"Nope." He shook his head, still grinning impishly. "No genocide on my calendar. Just hanging out with this beautiful, really cool fairy I met at a Starbucks today. Maybe satisfying her every carnal desire before she leaves, if she's up for it... Maybe just talking for a while or watching a movie. We'll see."

She could feel her face heating up again, but when Sebastian leaned in for a kiss, she eagerly let him. That was when it finally dawned on her that his mad dash for the bathroom had actually been to brush his teeth. He'd taken her coffee breath joke to heart and sucked his drink down so he could kiss her with minty fresh breath. Gods, he was so sweet it hurt!

That settled it in her mind; anxiety be damned. If he wanted it, there was no way this man wasn't getting laid. How many men would go this far out of their way to make a total stranger more comfortable when he shoved his tongue down her throat?

"What do you want," he whispered against her lips, stroking her hair, "my pretty red fairy?"

"All of it." She pulled him back with her as she stretched out on the couch, biting her lip when he automatically settled between her long legs. "Whatever you're willing to give."

"Tap out any time," he assured her as he reached under her dress, fingers dancing feather-light up her thigh. "I promise I won't be a dick about it."

"Same for you, gorgeous." With a slightly evil smirk, she rolled them over and straddled him, yanking her dress up and off. "I've been told I can be a little intense."

She squeaked before she could stop herself when he yanked her down with one strong hand on her back and drew a nipple into his mouth. She felt his tongue swirling against her flesh and shuddered, growing wetter by the second.

"I can handle it, princess." And then he was surging upright, and then to his feet, never releasing her from his grip. With her still clinging to him like a barnacle in nothing but her panties, he kissed her again and started heading toward the stairs. "But we're not fucking on my couch when there's a perfectly good bed right up there in the loft."

"Probably wise," she agreed with a giggle, tangling her fingers in his hair. "I'm already soaked. Wouldn't wanna ruin the infamous couch."

Sebastian groaned, but he was grinning. "Oh, don't bring him up now, girl!"

"Your couch is a dude?" She could tell he knew she was joking, but the glint in his eyes promised retribution if she didn't drop it... And then he dropped her like a sack of potatoes onto his bed, and she shrieked, startled.

From there, the day passed by in a blur. They cuddled and talked for hours, they paused once or twice for food, and, of course, they fucked like rabbits. She quickly learned that there was nothing Sebastian wasn't fucking amazing at. Typically, she was the quiet type in bed, but there were moments this talented bastard had her nearly screaming. The things this man could do with that tongue alone...!

But the moments she cherished were the quiet ones. When one or both of them needed a break and they would just lie there in each other's arms, and she could hear his pounding heart and knew he could feel hers. Once their breathing became less labored, they would begin to speak; voices low, as if afraid to shatter the silence and bring the outside world crashing down on them. They talked about everything and nothing, sharing past hurts never forgotten, and secret desires, dreams they were afraid to chase or simply knew were forever out of their reach. By the time night fell, she'd lost count of how many times one or both of them had broken and dissolved into tears in the other's embrace.

"You're so easy to talk to," he murmured once, the teary smile she couldn't see in the dark audible in his soft voice. "I know it's dumb, but I feel like I can trust you."

"You can," she was quick to assure him, kissing his jaw and loving the way his stubble rasped against her skin. "Nothing leaves this space, Sebastian. Anything you tell me stays right here. I promise."

He flinched then, as if suddenly remembering something, and nearly dislodged her. She settled herself more comfortably on his chest and waited. "You still haven't told me your name." They both laughed at that, and she felt a hot blush creeping up her face. Thank the gods it was dark. "I've just been calling you random pet names all day."

"Princess and Kitten were my favorites," she told him with a grin, licking his nipple. "But if you must know... My name is Ali."

"Ali." The way he said her name made her shiver, and then he was on her again and her last semi-coherent thought was holy shit, does this man ever run out of energy? Not that she was complaining.

In the end, they both fell asleep before she could even think about the long drive home ahead of her, much less the astronomical parking fee she'd be facing... or the reason she had actually come to New York in the first place.

[iridescenceoflove]

picture me (just like this) - Chapter 2/2

Still for @lnc2 (I know it's no longer strictly Marichat, but I don't think you mind some Ladynoir). :D 

AO3 + FFN

Summary: Chat Noir’s finished Ladybug’s gift. 

She didn't forget about the photos.

(Or what they meant to him.)

Chat Noir on his part hadn't uttered a single word about the project or any plans for a gift exchange to Ladybug—unlike his usual M.O. of telling her anything and everything under the sun that didn't possibly have to do with identities—so she easily deduced that it was indeed supposed to be a top-secret surprise for herself. Of course, that wasn't exactly a possibility at this point. (Not that Chat had to know such.)

He did, however, try and show Marinette the finished product, and whilst it was extremely tempting to agree, she'd forced herself to impose some sense of curtailment on her eagerness in the end. So instead, she'd insisted on waiting until Ladybug saw it, as it would be more special and intimate for her to be the first one to see it before anyone else. She'd figured she already technically ruined her own surprise, so the least she could do was wait and keep as much suspense as she could—even if there was a desperate desire to just sneak a little peek.

(But he'd sounded so giddy over the phone about it; so she could be patient for him.)

That didn't mean she arrived to patrols without bated breath and searching eyes. According to Tikki, her patience sucked.

Eventually, he showed up one evening with the precious little cargo tucked underneath one arm, and she had to contain the urge to squeal and make grabby-hands.

"What's that?" she blurted as his boots touched the rooftop.

According to Tikki, her acting skills sucked too.

Chat made a show of glancing down confusedly. "You mean this?" He gave it a little shake.

"Yeah, is it a gift?"

Tikki may have been somewhat right.

Chat didn't seem to notice though. "Maybe. Maybe not," he wheedled, rocking on his heels.

"Well, it sure looks like a gift to me," she huffed, impatiently crossing her arms.

"Somebody is the curious cat tonight."

"And unlike you, I deserve my satisfaction," she sniffed primly.

"And someone's not going to deserve her gift instead," he taunted.

"Told you!" she grinned, putting forth her hands expectantly.

"You did not!" he retorted, yanking back the present against his chest. "You were just being nosy."

"Was not."

"Were too."

"I don't see how I was being nosy when it's my present."

"But you didn't know that at first."

She scowled. "I had a feeling."

"How?" he pouted.

"Uhh," she stammered. "Well, who else would you be carrying a gift for?"

"Ah ah ah, I think," Chat declared, hiding the present from her line of sight behind his back, "you just don't want to admit you like my presents. And didn't want this to be for anybody else."

"Pffft," she scoffed, waving a hand, "sure, the diamond earrings and Chanel bag were some nice momentos, but they're a little flashy."

And extremely expensive. And the nicest things she owned that had to stay tucked away in her closet because he refused any of her vetoes, and she couldn't be seen with them without raised eyebrows and questions; but she did admire them from time to time. They were sweet gifts nonetheless.

"Alas, she has specific taste," Chat said, inching the gift back out into view.

Her eyes automatically followed the movement of it. "Please," she blinked very kindly up at him.

He sighed. "Who am I to resist the wiles of my Lady." He dropped the gift into her hands with a flourish.

She grinned triumphantly, appraising the book-shaped object covered in her favorite shade of pink and black polka dotted wrapping paper, topped off with a cute little white bow in the middle.

"I will warn you," Chat informed, astoundingly shy all of the sudden, "it's no diamonds or Versace; in fact, I sort of made it, so it's definitely nothing amazing—"

"Don't be silly—I bet it's one of your best gifts yet," she winked, slipping a finger under one of the folds on the backside.

She was pretty sure it could look like a three-year old did it and she would love it still.

Encased in the wrapping was a simple black leather book with the title Adventures of LB and CN and a yin and yang symbol in the corner.

"Uh, I actually was able to commission Nathaniel to do a little edit of the yin and yang symbol to fit our themes...since, you know, we're like yin and yang?"

She nodded, smiling as she softly grazed a finger over the area.

Flipping open the book, there was the dedication on the first page:

For My Lady, My Partner, My Best Friend

She was certain her cheeks couldn't stretch any further.

The first few photos were definitely from the beginning of their partnership. Like their first fist bump, first pose for the press, and one of their first selfies even—they all were lined against the pages, showcasing the novelty and surrealness that encompassed the first couple of weeks. She shook her head in amazement. Even as it felt so long ago, it was as if it were just yesterday she opened that little box of change and responsibility.

It was clear as she continued that Chat had arranged them in a linear-timeline, as the photos became newer and more comfortable. The photos he had first shown her that night in her room were peppered amongst others she noted, and there were quite a few more photos in between. If she were more courageous and self-disciplined, she would ask him to tell her what they meant to him again. And if she were honest enough with herself, she really wanted him to answer the same way he had that night, just so she could see that sparkle in his eye again—honest, hopeful, yearning, all in a way that made her feel warm and funny inside. He'd talk all night if she'd ask, and she would sit beside him and listen just because she could.

By the time she was about halfway through, more photos including other members of the team started popping up. Viperion and Pegasus posing ridiculously back-to-back, Carapace atop Chat's shoulders, Rena pranking Kim with an illusion, there was even a picture of Queen Bee cracking a reluctant grin and peace sign—they all were moments that somehow got captured. Some of the group photos had little descriptions underneath or beside the photos, like, "Goofing around with our buddies—the gargoyles," or "Ice cream and hang with the gang." Some were left by themselves, with little decals matching their respective kwami-animal theme sprinkled throughout.

"I actually got some of these photos from them," Chat said as she landed on a selfie of Viperion and Ryuko. "I mentioned to Rena what I was doing, so she offered to have herself and the others send some photos as a contribution."

If anything, the thought of her team each pitching in some of their own photos was even more touching, and her cheeks were already aching from all the smiling she was doing.

"That was nice of them."

It truly surprised her—the amount of pictures that had been taken and printed so she could relive them all, each photo recalling each moment with clarity and affection.

But to finish it off, at the very end was a photo of her and Chat sitting on a rooftop, her head on his shoulder and their backs to the camera as the sun set; two figures against the fevered oranges and yellows of the sky, side by side. Underneath read—

Ladybug,

No matter what happens, I hope you can look back upon this with fond memories and remember some of the best times. Because my best times are when I'm with you. So here's to all the memories—even good and bad—and many more that will stand the end of time, just like us. You and me, against the world.

Your Partner, Chat Noir

By the time she got to the ending line, it was becoming too blurry. She swiped a knuckle under her eye, not wanting to risk a single teardrop lest it mar the precious page.

"Oh my god, you're crying! I messed up, didn't I— I'm sorry, this—"

She effectively cut off his rambling worries as she threw her arms around him, hugging him fiercely. "You didn't mess up a thing. I love this."

"You do?"

She fervently nodded her head against his shoulder as she laughed, the ends of his hair at the nape of his neck tickling her cheek. "I do. This is amazing."

"On par with Versace?"

"Better," she corrected, running a hand over the front cover reverently. "This is the best gift ever, Chat." She already knew its rightful place where it belonged; nestled in between the two dried roses in the box tucked in the secret corner of her closet.

He grinned, looking simultaneously shy and pleased as he stood before her. "Well, I thought you could use something that'd bring a smile to your face."

'And—and she just looked so happy, so carefree, standing under her umbrella in the rain with a smile that could turn any cloud in the sky away as she explained. I couldn't help but take a photo, because I knew then that as long as I know her, I'd always try to get her to look like that. Happy.'

"You make me happy."

The words slipped past her lips, unbidden, honest, and completely unchecked; but she wouldn't take back the words for anything.

"I do?" he blinked, voice colored with surprise and wonder, as if any foresight to insert the usual flair of charismatic self-assuredness into his tone disappeared.

And maybe, that was why it only felt right to be honest: "Of course! I—I may not say it often enough...but you're my partner. My best friend. You've always made me happy."

Because when he'd noticed she was feeling down, he'd taken the time and effort to make something special for her, just to try and cheer her up. And sometimes, she really wondered why she drew that line for herself, and when it had become so blurred. Especially when he looked at her like that as she held what she knew was going to be one of her most treasured possessions for the rest of her life.

It turned out she didn't have to ask again. "It goes both ways, My Lady; you make me the happiest Chat around." It was said with earnest veracity—the same veracity he'd wielded when talking about her on her chaise that night—eyes sparkling and honest, his smile hopeful and yearning. A photo wasn't necessary when her brain already committed that look to her memory.

She stepped forward. "Well," she said, before stretching onto tiptoes so her lips could meet the smooth curve of his right cheek. "Thank you again, Chat Noir. I'll cherish this forever." She pulled back, the tips of their noses barely grazing— "And the book."

Smiling, she launched off the rooftop, a blushing open-mouthed Chat Noir in her wake. As she landed on the facing building, she slid her yo-yo open and pressed the camera icon, giggling as the yo-yo audibly clicked.

This was definitely a memory for the books.

[postimalone]

I tried my hand at writing erotica, its non fiction based on my daily life. Tried to keep it as gender non specific as I could.

 r/Ruiasoftporn

 mom says, always brush your teeth in the morning:

I have read about liminal spaces. The waiting rooms between the Then and Now.  The connection between what was and what will be. This  Dadar railway skywalk in the cold morning feels like one. I relish cold mornings in Mumbai. I relish anything cold in Mumbai. We don’t get a lot of cold here.

In movies, they always show liminal spaces empty.  Like it’s your own personal moment . Lonely . But I don’t feel lonely here. Maybe before you, maybe before us.  There is a floating anticipation in this chilly air. This space is my waiting room for now, till you come. Till I see you. Waving at me, on this bridge lightly shaking from the footfalls. Lightly shaking like me.

You arrive with a smile on your lips and sleep in your eyes. You hug me good morning and I hold you still. I’m listening to my favourite song and the saxophone trill is perfect for this moment. I push a earphone in your ear and kiss you tight. It takes you a moment to register, but you pick up quickly. You pick me up quickly, and push open our mouths. Tongue on tongue at this time of the day is almost taboo but we are far from our beds and freshly brushed and bathed to start the day. Brushed mouths and fresh bodies roiling against each other.Your hands in my hair, my hands on your back. And now you aren’t sleepy anymore , rather energetic. I’m pushed against the thick metal railings, their wet cold seeping through my t-shirt.  But I don’t want this kiss to end, we can go on for longer and this bridge is empty.

Also I really like the cold.

********

Nipples aren’t weed, they don’t need to be rolled like a joint everytime :

I’m in college now. I travel halfway across the city every morning  to earn my degree. I will insert a line here now that my friends wouldn’t catch me dead uttering. Ruia isn’t a place, it’s a feeling. It’s a small world here, but it’s foreign. A quaint building nested in a quiet neighbourhood. But I’m standing in it’s epicentre and I can almost feel it engulfing me.  It’s small, but it’s huge.  It’s a fish tank sitting in the dentist’s reception area.  I feel like Nemo. 

I do get carried away with these thoughts once in while. I get carried away a lot, mostly by you.  The Quadrangle is a strange place. It’s not square at all. It’s shape is a quarrel for another day, because  right now you are staring into my eyes. I hope the midday sun is doing me some favour hitting the right angles of my face.  After all, I don’t get your attention like this in public all the time. I straighten up in an attempt to make my boobs conspicuous. You laugh. “ You’ve got  really bad posture, you’re going to get a hunched back someday”, you say.

Apparently the next lecture is cancelled, it was 50/50 anyway. The professor is running errands for the Principal, couldn’t be helped. We have half an hour more, to while away. We both got dragged by our friends towards the stage at one end of this open yard. The Quadrangle is bustling with people and there is no other place to sit. I sit on the edge of the stage with my legs hanging over the edge. You sit cross-legged, behind me. I lean back into you and my ill-postured back finds comfort in this position. There are my friends on one side and yours on the other. My idiots couldn’t find a place and are standing on the ground in front of me. I put my bag on my lap, there is really no place here.

You are so busy talking to your friends, and my friends are busy talking amongst themselves. I might almost drift off to sleep. Your voice reverberates from your chest and I close my eyes in peace…  until I feel your  hand snaking under my arm.

My eyes are wide open now. The hand has progressed to the boob now. I regret having pads in my bra now. Suddenly  I am eerily aware of the number of people here. It’s bustling with people. My eyes dart all over the place, is anyone watching? My breath hitches, and my heart beats faster. I half turn to look at you questioningly. What are you doing? Why does it feel so good?

You are immersed in talking with your friends, who are dangerously close to us. Too close for comfort. I try to sit up,  but you hold me steady in place against you. I look at you, you smile at me. The sun is heating up the air, but that’s not why I am sweating.

You leisurely stroke my boob in rhythm with your talk. As natural as say, ruffling someone’s hair or swinging hands in hand. My toes curl inside my Converse. I look anywhere and everywhere except your face. I almost scream when the other hand lands on my other neglected tit. An audible “Oh shit” escapes my lips. The friend who was talking to you turns to me. He agrees, the tv show he was talking about had an unexpected main character death.

Now I have to focus on her and control myself. But your relentless ministrations won’t stop. My size doesn’t matter, you’re covering every inch. The gentle pressure is driving me crazy. I want to rip my bra off so you can find the nipple. But you find it even through the thick fabric, pressing on instead of rolling it with your fingers. I am losing my mind.

I am exposed here like this, naked amongst these people and your horny self. The strokes go back and forth from my tits to my back and everything in between. How hasn’t anyone noticed? My legs shiver from all of this madness. I slowly arch into the cup of your fingers, and my feet hanging of the stage lift on their own accord. I am no longer in control.

And I accidently kick my friend standing in front. Fast as lightning, I sit up straight and apologize. And that’s when I realize someone has unpinned my bra.

*************

Its considered rude in Japanese culture to not slurp your noodles:

The canteen is a funny place. It isn’t enough of a place, there needs to be more of it. There aren’t many tables inside and we always need to fight for a table to sit. Especially now, in monsoon every inch of the area that is not covered by a warm butt is cold and soppy wet. So the actual lunch tables are much coveted. Today’s star is me. I coaxed a group of people I knew to give up their seats to me. Hence, today everyone loves me.

Our seat is near a window, I am opposite to it. I have a good view outside. The canteen windows are funny too, they overlook the quadrangle and people can look directly into your plate. Marketing gimmick.

I feel like eating oily noodles today. So I lose my new and crisp 100/-  note today. Pity. I am slurping away when I hear your voice. I look up. You’re on the other side of the window looking directly into my plate. And then your gaze shifts to me.

The food is stuck in my throat. I take a fitful sip of water. I wave a ‘Hi’ at you. You wave back but don’t answer after that. You’re talking to someone on the phone. And that would be okay with me if you weren’t staring at me so much. I can’t question you, I can’t scold you. I can only look away. I am playing with my food now. I can’t eat. You make me so horridly uncomfortable in all the right ways.

But two can play this game. I start with the fork and lick it’s prongs. I smack my lips and run my tongue over them. I twirl my fork to heap noodles on it and caress the handheld end. I shove the glob of noodles in my mouth and lick the fork clean. I then proceed to moan like a kitten.

In any other circumstance I would be ashamed of myself, but this you totally deserve. You look visibly shaken. I see you gulping air, swallowing nothing. Your neck. “ I’d like to lick it someday” I think. Now I am getting distracted by the possibilities.

You end your phone call and half a minute later I get a text. 

--you’re coming home with me today.

Welp, looks like I might get to experiment today. 

“hey, Hey!” my friend sitting beside me calls me.

“what?”

“tell me what you ordered looks like it was really good, I’ll have a plate too”.

*************

Sometimes its better to bathe with Holy Spirit instead of Dettol after getting drenched in the rain:

Its really pouring cats and dogs today. We might get sent home early. We get phenomenal rains like these once every year in Mumbai. And Ruia lies in a low lying zone. Meaning water pools here like crazy. Just getting to college drenched me completely. The wind broke my umbrella. We all were sitting half soaked, waiting for lecture to begin. And again they got cancelled. But we still had lab work.

Me and my  group  of friends decided to go on the building terrace. It would be slipping wet, but we were soaked anyway. It was all empty and flooded. We dragged the tyre-cum-chaises and sat on them. It was lightly drizzling now.I looked around.

I really loved the terrace. It wasn’t too big and it wasn’t too small. It was the perfect size to hang out in. And from here, you could see the Matunga skyline. A weird mixture of really tiny, two-storeyed residential complexes and huge high-rising sky-scrapers. The clouds were rolling overhead. They looked so pregnant, their water ready to break at any moment. I loved being here, even if I was chattering from the ice-cold wind.

I text you, to come here. I need you to come here. You reply back a negative. You’re busy with your own labwork at the moment. This won’t do.

‘I am soaking wet from the rain and I’m so so cold’ I text back, attaching a selfie, as risqué as I can manage to get with people around.

I get a reply back.

‘give me 15 minutes’

Everyone else decides to leave. The labwork is simply not worth drowning for, we decide. Almost the entire college is emptying. I tell my friends I’m leaving with you. I wait inside until they leave and go back on the terrace waiting under the roof of the entrance. Out of the two entrances one is locked to prevent flooding. I am shivering.

I hear the elevator door open and close. I  attack your form furiously kissing you,pulling you into the terrace area. Thank God you’re alone.

‘Whoa,you’re wet!’you say.

“And not how I’d like to be” I reply.

You take that as a challenge. My bra is unpinned under my shirt yet again. You’re getting irritatingly good at this. I back you up against the wall next to the entrance, just out of range for any pair of wayward eyes. Not that it mattered, we were literally out in the open.

‘You are so worked up today” you whisper in my ear.

‘Mhmmhm’  is all I can manage while peppering kisses on your neck. My hands are all over your chest and fumbling at your waist. Your hands are splayed across my back rubbing sensationally, sending delicious electricity down my spine.

You bring your hands around my waist to slip inside my shirt and under my bra. I exhale. My hands are in your hair now, I can barely do a thing. I am shivering, but not from the rain.

‘Looks like you need this way more badly than I originally thought ,we need a quick fix’ you say.

I bite your ear.

You look around and suddenly your eyes brighten. You lead me to a corner section of the terrace, where  remnant beams of the building structure protrude outwards. They look like concrete tables. They are the perfect height to rest your elbows but a little difficult to climb and sit on.

But you straight up hoist me onto one, and pull down my pants. Track pants were a wonderful decision.

I gasped. I am soaking wet and now half naked, well almost, the pants pool at my feet. Your hands are under my thighs,over my calves racing across to my sex. Your fingers find me first, and I pull in your face for a kiss. I have crossed all my boundaries today. Your fingers come back slick, I blame the rain.

 Pleasing me is difficult. Both your hands are at work. One rubbing circles on my clit, the other pumping finger after finger into my vagina. I my legs start to shake, my stomach starts to quake.

 Every breath is inching me closer to glorious death. Le petit mort. I moan. Out loud.

The rain has gone from a drizzle to a raging storm. All that cold water on us, and I’m on fire.

You push away from my face only to bring yours on my sex. Your first lick on my clitoris sends me shaking into spasms. I can no longer sit upright, I lean over the surface, splayed out like a Thanksgiving turkey.

Your tongue finds rhythm with your fingers. Pumping me,  sucking me, pulling me closer and closer to you, until I can bear it no longer. With a scratch of your finger and flick of your tongue, I convulse into climax.

A bone-shaking, muscle-quivering, petit mort.

 I cannot move. You help me into my  pants and steady me inside the building, out of the terrace plot. Everybody is going home. We get our bags and reach the exit of college too. We leave and walk together. You notice I don’t turn towards my usual way.

‘You’re home is that way’ you turn to me and say.

‘I’m coming with you today, I have to finish what you started’ I whisper.

******* 

[reedrph]

                                                                  REEDRPH

                HOW TO TWITTER RP (A DETAILED GUIDE)

As per request, I’m about to tell you how to roleplay in the Twitter roleplay community if you’re interested in starting.  This is just my take on Twitter roleplay, and I’m sure there are others with different methods. But I’ll try to break this down step by step with pIcTuReS because I fucking love pictures. 

TLDR; (Because im lazy)

GENERAL

Alright so if you’re unaware what twitter roleplaying is it’s roleplaying via Twitter; though you’ll find all the roleplay mains on tumblr in the ‘twitter rp’ tag.  Unlike tumblr roleplaying where you write in the third-person, for twitter roleplays you write in first-person. As it’s social media based your tweets come from a first-person perspective which means everything is ‘I’ based. However, it is not uncommon for people to roleplay out paras in the DMs just like how you’d write on tumblr.

Twitter roleplays are fast, everything is happening that day at that moment, opposed to tumblr groups where you may be doing a thread set a week ago. They’re great if you don’t have a lot of time, but still want to roleplay, or want to try out a more fast-paced environment!!

APPLYING

Honestly applying for a twitter group is pretty much the same as applying for an appless tumblr group. 

Now something that I tend to see a lot in twitter groups (at least the last time I checked the tag like three months ago MNXBXNBX and from my experience running them) groups drop into the tag but often won’t have their app up for 1-3 days. During that time they’re basically just building hype and gathering an audience, so when they do open it’ll be a swAMP of apps coming in in the first hour. If you like playing a popular faceclaim (like me and Jungkook) I find I rarely manage to snatch him up before anyone else.

But the actual app itself is normally easy, a lot of the time it’ll be requested you submit it opposed to using the ask box (since they may be a little bit too long for it) so prepare for that!!

SETTING UP AN ACCOUNT

Once you’ve been accepted it’s common to be given 6-12 hours to get your account in. You may think this is a short period of time, but you can put together a twitter account in 20 minutes.

A common theme, that I’ve never really experienced is people getting locked out of new accounts, though from my history using an email and cell phone verification can prevent this. (if you include your cell phone number go into your twitter settings and disable letting people find you from your phone number) As well as people say not mass following a bunch of people all at once also helps, so only follow 20 people at a time (I’ve mass followed 60+ blogs and have been fine)

If it’s a new account (or an old one you haven’t touched in a while), just like a new tumblr blog you may not show up in peoples notifs!! You need to be active first, which is why you may see people posting “//notifs” before things are even open for plotting. This is perfectly fine and the only reason you should tweet beforehand!! If you notice you may not be getting any replies the first night this is likely why, which is why you want to post ‘notifs’ and like some stuff first.

Usernames

When it comes to usernames (your @) people typically play off their characters first name and try to make it funny or interesting. Some examples of my own characters past and present would be:

grayson2gayson

jacobgotjams

theSINinSINNER

Alliteration is a good approach!! Pick words that share the same first letter and it’ll run smoothly. Or sometimes people's names can be turned or related to other things like:

VANITYNOTFAIR

BEVERLYhillsbaby

There are also common name ‘starters’ you’ll see used like:

‘WTF’CARINA

‘STFU’DARREN

‘WTD’TYLER

‘GDI’JAKE

‘1800′MARTINO

Really it’s very similar to how names are set up on tumblr.

Display Names

Display names are a little different than usernames, they’re found above the username and is actually what people see first. A lot of the time people will put in memes, TV characters, inside jokes, quotes, song lyrics really anything. Two examples of display names from my own accounts are:

For one character I’ve chosen a play on his name for his display name that being ‘50 Shades of Grayson’, and for the other I chose a meme, which is ‘Do you take teardrops?’. 

Really what you put in the display name can be anything.

Biographies

On every twitter account, you get a spot to put a biography this is where you can write a little blurb about your character, put in a quote, a joke, tell us their pronouns, and all that fun stuff. Though often if someone doesn’t know what to write for a bio you will see them just put “Bio for sale” as a little joke.

An example from one of my characters biographies which also includes the display name and username is as follows.

I just included a small amount of information about him, used the ‘location’ spot to include their pronouns, and then the website spot to link back to the main group.

Icons & Banners

Depending on what kind of group you’re in changes what kind of icon you may use. For instance, if you’re playing someone famous and rich you may use a shot from a photoshoot, or a magazine. But if you’re playing someone with a less glamorous job, it’s a bit more fitting to start out with a selfie or a candid picture of your muse. (Later you may break out the more HQ pictures, I find that happens a lot)

For example, if you’re in a less glamorous setting the picture on the right would be more fitting. While if you’re in a glamorous setting you can get away with more HQ pictures. (But tbh no one’s gonna question it either way, you’ll see people post photoshoot pictures for milestones a lot!!)

Banners can be anything, you can toss in a picture of a meme, an aesthetic (some people like to match their icons to their banners), if you’re in a ship it’s common for them to change their banner to a picture of the S/O.

Following the Main

Just follow them on twitter, sometimes people will send a little tweet with it like ‘// @.rpname character name has arrived’ or literally just “//@.rpname hi”. But for most all you have to do is follow the twitter main and they’ll follow you back, if it’s an unopened group they may not post a follow, but already opened groups always will!!

INTROS

Okay so you’ve gotten accepted and set up your account now it’s time for your intro. And intros change person to person, everyone has their own style!! I love graphics so mine occasionally are a little fancier, but not always!! 

It’s also common to end off your post with ‘LMS to plot’ which just means if someone likes it you DM them to plot.

IMPORTANT: Do not post tweets or your bio before the main gives the go ahead!! (Aside from the ‘notifs’ tweets)

Option One:

No bio post, you just introduce yourself in a tweet saying something along the lines of

“//Hey my names Reed, I’ll be playing Grayson and i don’t have a bio but he’s a 20 year old solo artist who’s been around here for two years. They’re pretty chill and kind of over dramatic.”

Option Two:

The lists, since a lot of people roleplay on twitter only through their phone you’ll see a lot of bios posted through a note app where they write down some general info, sometimes in lists, sometimes in blurbs. It’s not uncommon for people to post their characters app in it.

Option Three:

As someone into graphics a lot of the time I find myself being extra and just making pretty intros. This is not at all required or expected, but if you want to do it, you can.

PLOTTING

Plotting goes along with intros, it’s extremely common for someone to have a wanted connections list, or just say ‘LMS to plot”. Which means you’ll go to the DMs to plot with them. 

But there are also a decent amount of people who prefer chem over plotting, it all depends on what kind of person you are. 

TWEETING

If the main as given the go-ahead to start tweeting then it’s time to think of your first tweet. Now as I stated at the very beginning of this, twitter roleplaying is done from a first-person perspective (with the exception of if you para in the DMs but we’ll talk about that later.)

When it comes to OOC tweets make sure to always start them with slashes ‘//’ (one or two whichever you prefer), this is just the way of showing it’s OOC.

A lot of people tweet for their characters, like they would for themselves. This is very common in twitter groups, everyone puts a little part of themselves in their muses. But it’s also good to find ways to separate them so you aren’t playing to OOC. As it’s not uncommon for people playing more of a self-insert to feel attacked over IC drama that is not OOC, just since they’ve invested so much of their personal self in them. I personally often play characters opposite to my personality IRL to avoid this, however, if you roleplay and put a bit of yourself into the character there’s nothing wrong with that!!

Your first tweet will always feel like the hardest, which is why I typically choose to reply to other people first to take the pressure off before posting my own. But this can really be anything you could say what they had for breakfast, post something funny, or just say ‘hi’, it’s honestly up to you there’s no wrong way to start.  You can even post a selfie, typically most people do sometime in their first 100 tweets.

REPLY TO OTHER CHARACTERS TWEETS

This is so important, because one of the most common things I see is people who do not reply to other characters, but expect people to reply to them and then they start saying the group isn’t inclusive because they don’t have a lot of threads. But the first few days the dash is always super busy, meaning a lot of tweets will get lost in it, so don’t get sad if some of your tweets don’t get replies, not all of them will. So make sure you’re replying to other people, that’s how you build connections and stay included in the group!! If you ever see anyone posting to RPTs or sending anons to the main saying things are cliquey and you’re in your first 1-5 days, almost 100% of the time it is because they are not replying to enough things themselves!! 

If you’re active, posting your own tweets, and replying to tweets you can get above 100 tweets in your first night. (I’ve gotten 500-600 on the first night before)

You may see a lot of ‘LMS for a DM’ posts too, which just means if you like it, they’ll send you a DM.

SUPPORT OTHER CHARACTERS

Do you see that selfie on the TL?? Go like and retweet it!! Even post a reply on it if you’re really feeling it this is a fast way to make friends. Also, retweet any milestone posts you see posted!! It’s always nice to get support on your own character, which means you need to do it for others.

Also you should get out of your comfort zone, roleplay with faceclaims you may not normally roleplay with, or characters you don’t know.

In the end you'll come to understand more how things work as time goes on, and typically very fast.

DIRECT MESSAGES (DMS)

There are two types of general messages in the DMs (well three, but I’m giving the third its own category)

The first is OOC messages, used to plot, or communicate with your partner. Much like OOC posts on the timeline, you want to always start this out with ‘//’.

Now for IC messages. These are written just as you would write for DMing as yourself, the only difference is you’re doing it IC.  So here’s a fast example I made between two of my own characters to show you how it works. It really is very casual, and sometimes you’ll DM with people everyday, other times it may die out, it’s all about character chemistry.

PARAS IN DIRECT MESSAGES

So paras still do exist in twitter roleplays!! They just happen in the DMs opposed to on the timeline. Now there are two different ways of acting stuff out in the DMs and one of them is the para way (my personal preference) or some people kind of just talk it, which I’ll also explain.

When it comes to para’s, I’m not going to lie the most common times I see them happen is with ships, writing out dates or smut (no smut if yoURE A MINOR). Which you may lead up to happening through messages or hint at it, and then you just ask your partner

“//hey do you want to para this?” and typically they’ll say yes, sometimes people might be too busy. If this is the case you can just headcanon it OOC!! Which just means you discuss what may have happened.

So if you’re wondering what a para may look like, it could be something like this:

Now for the ‘talk’ version, it’s a little different, and I’m personally not a big fan of it, but if it’s my partner's preference I’ll do it. And basically you don’t write out the actions, you just hint at them in what they’re saying. 

So an example of what that looks like is the following:

OTHER IMPORTANT SHIT YOU SHOULD KNOW ABOUT

Milestones: Milestones are when you hit a big number of tweets, for example every hundred tweets. People often celebrate by posting pictures, or videos. Though I find once I pass 1K tweets I don’t do milestones for every hundred, but I at least do them for every 500.

Indirects: An indirect is when someone mentions your characters name on the timeline, this means that when you search the name and hit ‘from people you follow only’ you can see it. These are great for selfie captions, so if you see someone asking for an indirect, give them one!!  An example of one would be if someone said ‘grayson is the wORST’, since they used ‘grayson’ I can find it in my indirects. When using this for a selfie caption you typically credit the person who said it with their @ for example if I made it my characters selfie caption I’d format it as ‘@.characterurl: Grayson is the wORST’.  Notice the period to separate the @ from the username? This is so they aren’t actually are tagged and get stuck with your notifications for that post.

Quirk: Some people like quirk, some people don’t. Basically, it’s characters who post memes constantly, make a joke out of everything, and are just very extra. I find that a nice middle ground is the best place to be.  Don’t let that be the only thing you post, and don’t be too quirky in serious situations. But a little quirk never hurt anyone!!

TWITTER RP LINGO

TL: Timeline

LMS: Like my shit/stuff/status

DN: Display Name

DP: Display Picture

DM: Direct Messages

RT: Retweet

BASICALLY THE DO’S AND DON’TS

Do:

Follow your group's rules!!

Run your plots by the admins!!

Reply to other people’s tweets (as many as you can, don’t be selective!!)

Post your own tweets!!

Retweet all selfies and videos you can 

Be a welcoming person!!!

Don’t:

Expect people to reply to your stuff if you are barely replying to anyone else.

Take IC drama as OOC

Be a shitty person, avoid being racist, sexist, homophobic etc, etc. 

Be cliquey

Guilt trip people for ships!!

Only look for ships / faceclaim hunt ships

Tag up on characters on the dash (if you see two people arguing don’t throw your character in, it’s overwhelming)

Turn people against other players characters. Even if you don’t like them, it’s not right to isolate someone like that.

Go to RPT blogs with your problems instead of the admins. You can’t solve problems that way, if you talk to the admins, they’ll try to help.  RPT blogs can’t, which makes you part of the problem.

IN CONCLUSION

That’s it MNBVCXZ If I missed something you want to know, send me a message!!

[houseofdisdain-blog1]

Book Club, Part 3: #JUSTICE FOR JUDGE SHARON

Welcome back to BOOK CLUB, our four-part book club about the movie Book Club (2018). Catch up on last week’s installment here: I’d Do Anything for Love (Especially if I Were in Love with Mary Steenburgen). We’re back this week to talk about Diane Keaton’s least favourite friend.  

R2: She only dresses well after her friends buy her new clothes, though. They buy her clothes and that’s why Jane Fonda has an ugly wig, like it’s punishment for helping Judge Sharon. R1: It just happens magically, like when she pays for the clothes the wig appears on her head and she can’t take it off. R2: And Diane appears in a puff of extravagant black ponchos and goes, You know what you did, Jane, you know. R1: She doesn’t get anything! R2: Let Judge Sharon have fun! She doesn’t even have a house. Does she have a bed? She has to fuck people in her car. R1: Yeah! What was that! R2: Yeah! Mary and Mr. Incredible get to get on a motorcycle and drive home to their house to have nice elderly sex on their comfortable bed. What does Judge Sharon have? Hook-ups in her car! R1: And anytime there’s a scene where she’s at work it’s interrupted by her getting Bumble notifications.

R2: Which really only adds to the tragedy of this character, because everyone else is adept at technology either because they’re Jane Fonda and they’re, like, savvy, or because they have children who can teach them how to use technology. R1: Meanwhile, Judge Sharon is on her own, pressing buttons wildly, trying to figure it out, taking accidental selfies. R1: I did really love the picture of her with her glasses backwards, though. That was good. R2: I was thinking, would I swipe yes on a lady who had that going for her? And I think yes.  R1: Oh, absolutely.  R2: It shows that she’s funny, has a great sense of humour. I also initially thought it was just a gag, like ‘Oh haha she’s old and can’t take a photo’ and the next time we see her she has a date, so I assumed she finally figured out how to get her nice, federal headshot in but no! R1: No! It was just that photo, because on the date, he’s like, ‘You look great without your mask.’ R2: So she’s just kept her face mask photo. Anyway, I thought her plotline would give her, like, string of great car sex - R1: But it’s one guy! And then on the next Bumble date she runs into her ex-husband and his new, much younger fiancee while she’s on a date with someone uncool and her age. And it gets worse! Because then Judge Sharon gets invited to her son and ex-husband’s joint engagement party, which is a horrifying concept.  R2: Diane Keaton is merciless. R2: So she’s not going to get the fun, modern woman with a penchant for car sex plotline. Fine. Then I thought maybe she’d get a younger but more age-appropriate, handsome man. Or she’d show up with him to the party and be like ‘haha screw you family,’ but no, when the day of the party arrives, she just corrects them on their Shakespeare. And we see her son -- R1: Who looks like a terrible person, by the way.  R2: He looks like a baby who goes to the gym. A really burly baby with horrible, horrible flaxen hair R1: His hair colour looks fake. It doesn’t look like a real colour. R2: It looks like Judge Sharon’s hair colour, but hers is faded and maybe dyed a bit? There’s no reason he should be sporting that light Betty White as Rose Nylund Blonde. I’d cut him out of my life too.  R1: She doesn’t get to show up her gross ex-husband or bland son. Instead, her happily ever after is supposed to be that first guy from Bumble. Who, don’t forget, is an accountant, which is another layer to the tragedy, because we’ve already established that accountants are evil in their universe. Diane Keaton’s lacklustre late husband was also an accountant. It’s a bad thing to be. 

R2: Her happy ending is that, after this horrible joint engagement party, she rematches with him on Bumble! Can you imagine that as your happily ever after? R1: I feel ripped off on her behalf. R2: And then she’s like, ‘Oh, I’m going to need a bigger backseat.’ What?? Get a bed! R1: Why doesn’t she have a bed?? Go anywhere else! R2: Diane Keaton has locked up her bed! She’s stolen the bed, taken it to Arizona, and locked it up in her basement dungeon. R1: Or, like, Judge Sharon, last time she did something egregious, like skipping a friend date with Diane Keaton to, god forbid, do her job -- she’s the only one of the four who behaves this unreasonably -- last time she did this, her bed just disappeared in a cloud of smoke and was never seen again. So now she has to sleep in the back of her car. R2: I believe that Diane Keaton is a real-life wizard. She dresses the part. Or she goes home and she’s typing in her Word doc in size 20 font and starts typing the next chapter of her fanfiction, “And then Candice no longer had a bed. She will never sleep again. That jerk.” R1: I guess that leaves us with the question of why Judge Sharon/Candice is the most hated friend who gets NOTHING in Diane’s fanfic. R2: Did Candice Bergen ever rob Diane Keaton of a coveted role? Did Sharon poison Diane’s husband? What did she do? I have to know. Someone get on this.

Please join us for next week’s book club (about Book Club). We will be discussing Jane Fonda and lesbian vampires.  

[fairymint-archive]

Felix, what made you want to start RPing a self-insert character? What parts of your character would you say represent the inner you? Do you differ from muse-Felix in any way, opinions or preferences-wise? why's your hair so great? How long would you say you've been writing characters, roleplaying or not?

Felix, what made you want to start RPing a self-insert character? 

I’ve been self-inserting my names in the game files because I thought that’s what the game wanted from me, so the characters came naturally even as an artist on deviantart, it became a social thing to make comics and shit.My first self insert was for pkmn-crossing, which was going to be huge. IIRC I got super into the idea as an act of defiance? somewhere in some kinda guide stated selfies as not unique and boring, and….that doesn’t calculate for me. I find selfies far more unique than other characters when the same effort’s put down.

Unfortunately as deviantart migrated to tumblr I lost touch with a good 90% of my friends….so I was done RPing, done creating content. But the moment I started fucking around with a lysandre blog via my personal, the fandom pulled me into it again, so I was back at it only 1000% less uptight about it, actually using my own sense of humor rather than trying to seem serious.

so defiance followed by popular demand. I’ve stayed true to the fun side of it since tumblr! crack/silly fuels even my most serious writing~

What parts of your character would you say represent the inner you? 

Outer is easy; A lot of my traits are uh, notable IRL so it’s fun keeping physical stuff the same in my case. Regardless;

A lot of what he thinks is either a genuine gut reaction, purposefully unfiltered for Rule of Funny, or something more serious put through an animalcrossing/whatever fandom filter, so everything he does is rather at least a part of me.

I try to keep his emotions consistent- I’ll often look of references of my partner’s muse, voice or full appearance, so that I get the full picture and he reacts accordingly; If any of it gets a visible reaction out of me, it’s going to get incorporated no matter how much it might ‘embarrass’ me or whatever.  We’re calm, empath, anxious, occasionally manic, and impish. I also keep: Autistic stims, appropriate RA symptoms for the thread’s setting, and his reactions are definitely a what-if; He’s not going to appreciate things he hates or being mistreated the way I can appreciate the interaction, lol.

Do you differ from muse-Felix in any way, opinions or preferences-wise?

well i don’t make cat noises nearly as often so jot that down LMAO-

His opinion of a muse is modified into first person- I don’t like strangers IRL nor a good chunk of people offline, so that’s fully taken into consideration; I think every single thread I do is hilarious, while he takes it seriously.Even if he knows a character, or even finds them attractive, meeting them ‘in real life’ makes them still a stranger so he’s relatively super mean at first compared to later on. There’s also disbelief and curiosity.

Occasionally I throw in stuff my cat does, but that’s a lil rare~ another Rule of Funny thing. I often put things that’re like ‘ok that would be funny’ and so it be! Like any of my muses, he comes to me most during the reply no matter how much i plan ahead before getting into that textbox.

Sometimes? when i got nothing, icons also write his mood and my reply for me, it’s more a tool for me than a standard or for ppl to look at.

Felix is also very responsible/presentable while Sea is manic, on average. I flip between the two often more like a mood; cat mayor cares about his reputation, seakitty does not give one shit about it. I’m both-

why’s your hair so great? 

!!!! ///// well....the slight curliness is natural. wish I realized that sooner, my mom always thought it messy and unkempt....it’s very obvious it came from my dad and she had obvious zero experience with it. Like, I didn’t realize it defied fucking gravity until a while I cut it short myself.It has to be a Native/Russian thing, cause my fiancé is also Native-White and his hair does the same thing.

as for the cut, accidental. it just randomly fuckin parted this way after my undercut so i had half of it shaved. Willow’s is the same, but longer and was a 1 shave while mine was a 3.

How long would you say you’ve been writing characters, roleplaying or not?

my first roleplay ever was with my 2 cousins when smash 64 was new, we did some kinda DBZ self inserts.....tabletop style? Like we rolled and the older one DMed i guess! I was 7 then, so 19 years ago.didn’t write again until i made comics about Lucky Boo, 2 years later. These started with OCs fighting DBZ style until smash comics replaced them. sure did love me some DBZ at the time~so i guess i’ve been writing comic/script for 17 years ish? but i never did text/para until 7 years ago.

[autumn-in-phandom]

A review of "How WHITE is Dan?!- DNA TEST RESULTS"

I was riding in the car on the way to the store when I heard a familiar alert coming from my phone. I wondered aloud “Ooo is that Dan?” He was due to have a video out today or tomorrow, but it could be one of the few other channels I’m subscribed to. I’ve been psyched out before. I opened my phone and yes it was Dan and what was more, the word DNA was there. “They were right!” Those psychic IDB members with their “strong feelings” were right. 

I for one didn’t think Dan would make this video. Mainly because he said so himself during a liveshow in the spring, shortly after Phil had posted his. He had admitted to taking the test as well, but the results were so vague and he was disappointed. I could relate, having bought DNA kits for my parents and getting very broad results, particularly for my mother’s side, which we wanted to know more about. 

However, one shouldn’t take Daniel Howell at his word. He could be lying, or in this case he might just change his mind with the seasons. He wasn’t feeling it back then, but there was a hint in his last solo liveshow that he was thinking about ancestry again. The chat asked about “the grandma tweet” and he pulled up the photo of someone’s distant relative who had a strikingly similar face to his. Someone said it could be his great-grandmother, after all his own grandma was adopted. So reasonably, someone on IDB predicted that Dan would work this photo into his DNA video. After all Dan often sits on ideas for videos and then decides to make them when he feels the “the time is right” (or the topic is relevant). 

Dan did indeed choose to make this video now for a specific reason, and while the photo may have inspired him, it didn’t make an appearance or get a mention. Apparently the driving force behind this video was current events. Current events that some fans were disappointed that Dan and Phil had not mentioned. The heated protests in Charlottesville, Virginia were mentioned in the first eight seconds: 

“Hello Internet, in these times when apparently (camera zooms in on his lips) *some people* find it difficult to tell the difference between protesting racism and *racism*, I thought it would be relevant and mildly interesting to make a video about the shared genetic history of all humans by finding out *the origins of my ancestors*.“ (Cue the soft grey filter with fake lens flares, zen music and calm hand movements from Daniel). 

I was immediately intrigued, but a bit skeptical. How was a video entitled "How WHITE is Dan?!” going to positively address racism? Especially knowing that his results were boring, so probably not that diverse. Well, he did it by following through on his topic sentence and actually showing the shared genetic history of all humans through maps of human migration. He also did some historic research into his small percentage of West African DNA. Of course the little sign in the background reading ‘AYY FUCK NAZIS’ and his black shirt with red Cyrillic letters that translate to “equality” were nice aesthetic touches. 

Mind you, the actual factual human migration information comes later in the video. First we have sarcastic philosophical Dan waffling on about lizard people on Pangea slowly drifting apart “metaphorically and physically, until the inevitable nuclear apocalypse blows our planet into tiny chunks floating infinitely into the abyss of space” with a starry falling through space effect. Woah there nihilistic Dan, stay with us. 

It’s okay, there is a quick jump cut that changes the tone immediately. It’s a mention of Phil and his DNA video, complete with a clip of “Science!Phil”. What’s more, Dan says that Phil ordered the DNA test kit for him. Perhaps, it’s just to set up his own reluctance, as he goes on to do just that. For some of us, the idea of Phil ordering DNA testing for both of them (even if it is to use in a video) paints a pretty domestic picture. Though in Phil’s video he says he was given his for free by a friend of the family who is a doctor, thinking it would make a cool video. Perhaps this is why neither of their videos seem to be sponsored by the DNA testing company, 23andMe. Or are they?

Cue relatable slightly paranoid Dan with some sharp humor about “laboratories” and being cloned and replaced “by a compliant artificial intelligence” by Mark Zuckerberg (thanks for knowing the correct spelling of that iPad) or “Zuck”, with a Stephen Hawking like voice saying “I’m coming for you Danny”. Dan of course gave a fake name for his DNA profile (as did Phil), but kept his date of birth. However he admits there isn’t really any point in trying to protect his identity on the internet. Okay, John Johnson. 

“Are you ready! Am I ready? I have no idea what to expect to be honest.” Here’s the part where I have to suspend my disbelief and just accept that Dan pretending to react to these results as if he didn’t view them several months ago does make for a better video. Just like Dan pretending to play Bubble Bobble for the first time on the gaming channel in 2016, when in reality he tweeted about reaching level 100 with Phil back in 2009, did result in a very sweet gaming video. 

 Add a being related to a giraffe joke to the lizard one. I’m not sure if this is really helping the “one human race” thing, but it’s a pretty harmless joke. “Wow. Looking pretty white. That is one blue circle there, isn’t it JJ?” (the blue being European ancestry). Dan is 98.2% European and he jokes that this is the end of the video only a minute and half in. 

Dan drags his ancestors for “literally” sticking to four countries (Britain, Ireland, France and Germany) when in reality those results are lumping Britain and Ireland together because they share so much common DNA, the same for French and German. He is also ignoring that 33.8% of his Northwest European genetics is broadly undefined and he hasn’t gotten to the Southern European, Scandinavian or West African parts yet. But I still found “really got out there and saw the world” quite funny. “Okay someone saw the sun at least” was a good one, though I wish he would have addressed his ability to tan darkly in this video, perhaps in the fair skin section. More on that below. 

More relatable humor about not wanting to hike or get on a boat gets worked in to Dan finding out that he is not the least bit Asian or American. I vaguely recall a rumor about him being part Asian, let’s lay one that to rest. And I remember him hoping years ago that he might be part Native American because his grandma was adopted, but I found that extremely unlikely. Probably just a bit of wishful thinking perhaps brought on by being Team Jacob. 

Now here is the part that interests me the most. On the Ancestry DNA test I gave to my parents, 1.8% was considered a “trace amount”, but in this 23andMe service they give a specific timeline for when each genetic group cropped up and the West African and Scandinavian both span from the late 1700s to mid 1800s, not that long ago. Dan concludes that “a ‘Scandi’ and a West African got it together” (insert graphic of the two countries coming together with a smooching sound effect). I’m not sure if that timeline is definitively saying they were a couple, but Dan’s Wikipedia research supports it and it is an interesting bit of history. 

Segue into a brief farming family reunion story. 400 cousins, I’m sure. Shift to black and white and cue the unexplained mysteries music for Dan’s adopted grandmother mention. Dan “feels like there’s some epic adventure story there for another time”. Sign me the frick up! In fact please just bring your grandma onto one of your YouTube videos. She has always been the one Dan has been most comfortable talking about and even sharing pictures of. (Oh 'helo ther’ unflattering selfie from the Tinder spon on Dan’s computer). 

I appreciate Dan showing the Haplogroup migrations of his paternal line, but in true Dan fashion it included commentary about “presumably wrestling mammoths and getting frozen or something” in Asia and “then buggered off to Europe to get bitten by a rat or something”. “And consistently had sex for thousands of years. Well done ancestors (Dan applauds) truly incredible story. Lord of the Rings. Ten out of ten. Would read again.” Lovely sarcastic Dan. 

 And as he hypes up “the fun stuff”, “weird things about your personality, health and biology”, and “intimate specific information” that he probably shouldn’t share with the Internet”, but he will because he’s “just a piece of meat”, I get hit with a mid video ad of Gwen Stefani applying mascara, because the cheeky bastard made this exactly ten minutes and one second long. (To be fair Phil did the same thing recently). 

Dan has 300 Neanderthal variants, more than 82% of their customers. This is the same percentage as Phil, who talked about his head and brow shape and nasal chambers, but Dan uses this to relate to his “dank cave” dwelling habits (never opening the curtains of his bedroom). Based on his genetics, Dan is not likely to be a deep sleeper. “As I always say, why bother sleeping when you can stay awake thinking about stuff that makes you anxious. Right! Woo!” Dan addressing his mental health with humor, is always appreciated. I can actually see the power athlete possibility. He could be a big strong guy, but “wasted potential” and all that. (Personally my lazy self recoils at the idea of people dedicating so much of their time to training up their bodies to be these perfect machines, but hopeful D&P are spending some time at the gym for their general health.) “Looking at memes and talking about myself” is a great self-aware one liner. 

 Alright “cheek dimples”! Flop. What does this test know anyway? Stop referring to them as a deformity Dan, everyone loves your dimples! Okay I just did a bunch of reading on dimples and I guess they are considered a genetic deformity now a days. However on a social-biological level they may have all sorts of benefits, from being able to read emotions more clearly, to people wanting to procreate with you and not abandoning their cute babies. Dan has also been saying lately that he’s double deformed, but it is actually quite rare to have one side of your cheeks dimpled. (I used to have dimples as a child and all of a sudden they are back, but they are closer to my mouth than my smile lines and may just be from fat. Who knows.) 

 Alright good thing this isn’t a spon, calling the results “garbage”, “pseudoscience” and a “farce” even in jest, might not fly. Dan’s distrust of blonds Tweet is (at least partially) explained. I still think it might also relate to Dream Daddy and it is a mighty coinkidink that it was posted on the one year anniversary of Frank Ocean’s album. Promos all around? We just need to accept that Dan is a multilayered creature we will never fully understand. My husband will appreciate being compared to a unicorn though. 

Dan’s pain kink and weird enjoyment of the dentist makes a resurgence! Please make a full video out of this Dan. We promise not to shame… much. “Scrape me Dad-”. Interestingly enough Phil has an average sensitivity pain but thought it would be higher, hates having his gums scraped and implied his dentist might be a sadist. 

Dramatic build up and disclaimer for genetic health and increased risk of disease section. Feeling very relieved for the low risk of Altzheimers after reading that tear jerking dementia phanfic the other day (though it was Phil with the disease and I don’t think he mentioned it in his video). Dan was clearly worked up as well. He rests his face in his palm and is visibly pink and blotchy. 

He balances the seriousness with an over the top dramatic reaction to being a carrier for red hair, complete with a black and white fake sobbing scene. I’ll admit I found his pause at “So you’re telling me that there’s a chance that I could have children— born with red hair” a bit distracting, though I’m sure it wasn’t mean that way. “There was no disclaimer for this one.” Ha. I case you didn’t know he’s just joking “you beautiful sunset heads, rub those freckles all over me.” Dan has made his love of ginger people quite clear in the past and this tends to start a discourse about Phil’s natural hair color. 

I’ll weigh in on this. Phil was clearly ginger as a young child, just as Dan was blond when he was little. Both of their hair darkened quite a bit as they grew up, each becoming increasingly more brown. It’s harder to tell with Phil because he has denied his natural hair color for so long and seemingly makes up things about old photographs. Did he actually dye his hair before his first day of secondary school? Perhaps it was a bit of bleach that brighten it up and brought out the yellow/orange tones. In Phil’s Tinder spon he did admit to his hair getting a bit ginger during the summer. However by the time of his graduation, early university years and his appearance on 'The Weakest Link’ he had light-medium brown hair that I have a hard time considering a shade of auburn. You might call it nutmeg, but not cinnamon. I have medium auburn hair that has dulled with age, but does get more copper in the sun. But I don’t think Phil can be considered ginger anymore, especially as he chooses not to embrace it, so Dan’s love of ginger people seems completely separate from his fondness for Phil (except perhaps the freckles). 

Moving on to skin pigmentation and the title of his video, “How white is Dan Howell?” He laughs at his genetically light skin. 39% Very fair, 32% Moderately fair and “at most 25% Light beige” and acknowledges his privilege. It would have been a great chance to maturely talk about his ability to tan when he was younger, relating to his Southern European and West African ancestry without making problematic 2010/2011 era jokes. However it seems paleness is part of Dan’s branding now (since Phil has clearly turned him into a vampire). Or it’s just the “never go outside”, “cave dwelling” schtick. We’ve all seen your freckles Dan. 

In conclusion he hopes that people took something away from this be it “the possibility that [he] will have a ginger child in the future, that no one believes is [his], or that humanity has so much in common and we shouldn’t be divided by fascism, or that in the near future 'Zuck’ will be able to target ads to us based on our genetic code.” I sure hope it’s the middle one. “Ayy fuck Nazis”. Still, Dan gives us 20 years before society implodes. Finally he turns a joke about exercise into a confession about crying while reading the news. Seriously, well done Mr. Howell. (Nice promo for the casual and intimate liveshows too.) 

This was a great contrast to Phil’s light hearted DNA results video with Science!Phil, CushionStack.com, buff kangaroo attraction, naked mole rats, Buffy Summers alias, “top of the morning to ya”, Phil’s French ear, German elbow, Swedish eyebrow and Sardinian freckle, alien jokes, celebrity haplogroups, testing out his photic sneeze reflex and short-term memory and talking about asparagus urine detection. Bless Phill. I love him, truly. 

Both Dan and Phil’s videos do inspire me to send off the raw data of my parents DNA to a better company that can give me more detailed results. Maybe 23andMe. I’ve heard good things about the Human Genome Project as well. Ancestry DNA was pretty rubbish. 'Zuck’ and his wife should give these boys some money (if they haven’t already).

[hoodie-at-the-bar]

our first fight

This is a long one, so buckle up. 

It’s not uncommon to not be on the same page with banter or wit, and humor often gets misconstrued over text. If it happens once, that's probably the case: a simple misunderstanding. If it happens often, and there is heightened defenses and agitation, it could be telling of something far more serious than a misunderstanding. Let’s talk about Ryan.

Wait! But first - let’s get the definition of (2) terms out of the way. I see so many guys’ profiles self proclaim themselves as “witty” - you cannot self proclaim yourself! If you are funny, you do not need to draw attention. Did Robin Williams ever describe himself as funny? Did Brooke Shields ever describe herself as beautiful? Am I aging myself with the era of celebrities I chose to use as examples? Okay maybe they have, but the point is if it’s obvious, and if you are secure, there is no reason to call it out. But ‘wit’ isn’t the word I’m pointing out, it’s banter.

Banter: noun; the playful and friendly exchange of teasing remarks

Easy enough right? You’re with me? Playful and friendly, and there is an exchange, often teasing.

Screw it, let’s do “wit” too:

Wit: noun; a natural aptitude for using words and ideas in a quick and inventive way to create humor

What helps with this quickness, is always assuming the person’s response is something you can play with, think of it like a hand-off in sportsball, or passing the spirit stick. If your teammate hands you the ball, and you pause and say, “what’s this?’ or “this isn’t a ball” - you may have ruined the play.

In improv, this phenomena is called “Yes, and…” - basically accept what the other person is saying, and play off it. I do this 99% of the time, and it gets me in trouble. It allows for that back and forth banter, and an exchange of wits as well, but the average person may get confused; arrogance is a known side effect. Irrelevant Note: I’ve never taken an improv class.

Now that we got those key terms out of the way, let’s talk about Ryan.

I matched with Ryan on Hinge. He was cute, and I thought our first message exchanged had the potential of the vocabulary above.

Fun right? Aren’t we cute? He asked me about my meme game, which was a yellow/orange flag. As I mentioned, this style of humor shouldn’t be called out but flow organically. Anyhow, we moved off the app to texting - the sight of that green bubble should have been a sign. He sent me a meme, and I decided to give it a rating in a “playful and friendly teasing” manner - see what I did there?

I know, he “lol’d” at himself... twice. But there it was, that first line of defense - the assumption I was accusing him of an irrelevant meme, questioning his humor, or criticizing his word play. Granted, I didn’t find it funny, but that was also irrelevant. This is where the journey of explaining every text begins...

I could already see the sensitivity rising, which isn’t really my jam. However, maybe Ryan was nervous, so I should be cautious of wilting this delicate flower.

I wasn’t quite sure what he was rating, maybe my response? I merely inserted the McGuffin to tease him about his punchline, but sure Ryan, you can play too.

Oh he’s still at it? Wow he really was striving for that 10/10 punchline - I was trying to remove myself completely from said motif of rating system since he seemed triggered by it with his “are you going to grade my humor??” - I tried to stop the insanity. Is this a scenario where it’s okay if he does it but I can’t? Or is this a scenario where the toddler sees his sister make the parents laugh so he mimics her behavior, even though the imitation game lost its charm? 

There it is - the sensitivity. I wasn’t sure what he meant by “that”. Is he asking if I always break the cycle? Is he asking me if I always rate things? Is he asking me if I use the “shrug” emoji for everything? I was confused - I stopped rating him because I didn’t want to experience hearing someone cry over text for the first time, and I only threw in the other two to make it a solid list. He seemed to just go rogue and create a list of his own - he didn’t practice responses “in line”.

My confusion grew: he kept rating! I stopped! My head began to hurt. “Breaking the cycle refers to rating things” - was that a question, or was he trying to explain my own analogy to me?

Let’s explain everything now, because I think Ryan needs some help.

Painful? Yes, yes it is.

Ryan noticed I called out the obvious - we just may be too different. We may just not get each other. It’s not the humor necessarily, but he had a sensitivity that made me feel there was some anger in there, an anxiety or frustration I had no interest in discovering. I wanted badly to give him the benefit of the doubt. He began a more aggressive back-pedal approach.

You know when a guy says, “Sorry baby, I only cheated on you because I was so afraid of how much I love you.” Da fuq? One of those responses that does not explain the actions, but obviously tries to reason with flattery, or false compassion. Playing it safe? Ryan was questioning my every response: do you always do that? Are you going to grade my humor? Yet, he said he was trying to prevent him coming off as a jerk. So tell me this: how is sensitivity to my remarks is a way of avoiding coming off as a jerk via sarcasm? He would banter back with sarcasm until he gets insecure, then has to check: 

“Haha.. Um.. we are still joking right? We are? Oh whew! I mean, cool, duh, I knew that ha. Lol. ha. I’m not a jerk I swear. Wait, are you joking again?” 

And I’m sorry but...

We continued to chat some more, for some reason. When we were more serious, it seemed to ease the tension. I decided to let myself open up and pause on the joking - well, as much as I could. He asked me what kind of a relationship I wanted, so I decided to give a long answer so he had data points to play with, and continue the back and forth conversation. 

and then he went back to the dark world of sarcasm I tried to avoid for safety. We were talking about what to do for our first date.

Sigh - why did he feel the need to clarify he was kidding? TWICE? Would I have casually said “nah” if I took him seriously? I didn’t want to offend him, or make him feel he wasn’t funny, so I implemented that “yes, and” - going with it, going with his line of thought. But every time, every time, he slammed on the breaks and my gut flew into my mouth. It tasted horrible, and was very unattractive. 

Now I was just curious - did he date girls who didn’t understand sarcasm so he constantly had to explain he was joking, coming off as an ass? What’s going on here...

This may have been the most painful text yet. He was grasping - he wanted so hard to get back on the funny train, in my good graces, that he kept pushing his Ghostbuster joke forward even though my priority was easing his insecurities of being ghosted. I promised I would not ghost him, and to make the subject light - added in only if he said “Just kidding.” We may have a listening malfunction as well - this clearly wasn’t working. There was a valve that would close from time to time, only allowing one-way listening, or communication. 

Why am I still messaging this guy? Perhaps that phantom improv class I never took has me continuing the story line against my will... and yes, I am very aware his jokes were confusing and only invited groans.

Meanwhile...Ryan asks me for a selfie. 

The “yes, and” isn’t something he can go with, yet every time I call him out on it, he back pedals to him joking the entire time. You can’t fail at a punchline, then try to pick it back up. You know how you have a friend that says “oh man! I should have said this!” at a missed punchline opportunity? Not Ryan - he doesn't care. He’ll take a second or third strike. If he missed his cue, he’ll just say it later - relevance is not a requirement for Ryan. 

Later in life… 

I try to gloss over it all again, and go straight to meeting in person. I thought I was explicit: let’s grab a beer, and here are a few options of where we can go or what we can do.

Yes and… yes and… yes, and… I’m trying really hard to keep it going. 

I saw it as a challenge... I tried to steer out of this dark hole into a normal conversation. What kind of haircut do you have?

He told me his hair style, and we could have had a normal, lovely conversation. But no, he couldn’t let this go. He tried to go back and insert that punchline.

Let it go Ryan, let it go. You already answered me literally, you can’t go back.

WHAT?!?!?! He was the one who brought up being roofied! I was trying to play along with whatever sick banter he wanted to go on!

You think this is a painful read? Try actually talking to the guy.... which we’ll get to in a moment.

It was a Sunday when he next texted me. I had just finished the Seattle Space Needle stair climb, and I was exhausted. I was laying on my couch when he texted me that morning. He knew I was exhausted... so exhausted, I could have fallen asleep.

That eager beaver. I was doing it guys - I’m going to call it off. I just can't deal with that level of anxious insecurities. But he kept pushing to talk on the phone - 

I was not digging our text exchanges, but at this rate: let’s just finish the show.

Then he called. The upside was that it wasn’t awkward like a first date, but a call from a friend you’ve known, and apparently had passive aggressive fights with. He wanted to clear the air that our texting chemistry was fading faster than we could ever meet up in person, so I was listening.

Maybe texting was just as bad as they say, no real connection leads to misunderstandings. Nope - his texts matched him, it was him.

“It’s just that you're so great, and beautiful, and I really like you that I just wanted our first date to be perfect. I’m sorry I didn’t remember you suggested a place to go. It’s just that…” - literally felt like I kicked my boyfriend out of the house and he is graveling to come back in, saying sorry but when I asked “why are you sorry,” he’d have no response. He just wanted us to be okay - and again, we haven’t even gone on a date yet.

At one point, I was trying to defend myself and he said “Can you let me fucking finish?!” - I was shocked.

I had foreshadowed that he could have anger issues, and I was seeing it.

“Sorry, it’s just that I've never met anyone like you and…” and it continued

At one point he interrupted me, and I had to say, “Hey you swore at me when I interrupted, so it would be great if you can give me the same respect I gave you.”

Yes, this was a real life conversation.He told me that I wouldn’t let him in, and he felt I was constantly analyzing him.

“Ryan, you mean to tell me you thought I was watching your every word and step to see if you were someone I liked? Yes, I was. I was analyzing you -It’s called dating.”

He swore at me again for something else he was upset about, and basically we ended the call with isn’t it a shame that all this miscommunication didn’t allow me the chance to meet him. I guess he was really great or something, but I couldn’t see it. Probably my vision.

[the-pallid-king]

All the munday asks :p (also, did you and Shiro get my two submissions?)

I was supposed to do this yesterday, but I was too lazy… And I realize the muse is supposed to answer them, but… Nah. (alSO YES BUT. ABOVE STATED ISSUE… OTL)

✈️ What is the mun’s dream vacation?

A N Y W H E R E Literally anywhere. I just love to see new things and new places and do new things and eat new foods. I don’t care if it’s hot or cold or tropical or desert. If it’s not my home state or a copy of it, I’m ready to go.

👋 What was the mun’s first impression of the muse?

Love at first sight how dare you question my affections. But seriously. Bleach was always just kind of “Eh. It’s interesting, but I like [insert different manga here] better.” buT THEN. And I have been smitten ever since. And then, during college, I kind of fell out of reading manga and forgot bleach existed for a while, then I picked it back up after a couple years and it happENED ALL OVER AGAIN. BUT STRONGER. And thus I entered the bleach fandom and started writing fanfiction; because I needed more murder baby.

📝 How did the mun react when he or she realized they wanted to write the muse?

I was so afraid to create this blog tbh I debated on doing it for at least a full year before I actually made it… I was certain no one would like my portrayal and I was really shy about RPing in general.

👥 What is your favorite experience together as mun and muse?

All of them. We’ve had so much fun on this blog, so many good times and good friends and good memories. This blog helped get me through a very self destructive time, as silly as that may sound. Shiro has become my outlet and he sure as hell doesn’t seem to mind.

💭 What does the mun typically dream about?

Weird…horror-ish, Lovecraftian… Things. Idk man, I have strange dreams. Occasionally I reorder them and turn them into fanfics

⏰ What is the mun’s ideal evening spent alone?

Rainy, stormy weather outside, cozy clothing, a steaming cup of tea and a good book or, if it’s going well, writing a good fic.

🎬 What is on the mun’s Netflix “continue watching” list?

Uhhhhhhhhh…. I think the last movie I quit watching was this dumb as shit, low budget, dino-vs-people movie. My friend and I went into it knowing it would be bad, but it just kept getting worse until it wasn’t even funny anymore. Just dumb. I wont be continuing it lol

💙 What photos does the mun typically share on Facebook?

Photos of my snakes, and the occasional selfie.

📱 Does the mun take their phone with them to the bathroom?

Obviously.

📖 What is the mun’s favorite fanfiction about the muse?

This isn’t a fair question.. I wrote most of the fics out there that are about him, all the good ones, at least. ˇ^ˇ 

👩‍👩‍👧‍👧 What is the mun’s relationship like with his or her family?

Estranged, mostly. I see my parents two or three times a year, for very limited amounts of time (like. A few hours. Not even a full day). I see the rest of my family even less and the only person I actually wish I saw more of is my brother.

👶 Does the mun want kids?

N O. I will stick with animals.

👀 Would you classify the mun as an extrovert, introvert or ambivert?

Introvert

👣 Describe a time the mun took a lesson from the muse in a real life situation.

JusT FUCKING GO FOR IT. In any given situation where that mentality has been needed. It usually works out tbh

[amorremanet]

top 5 movies? and why? no no TOP FIVE BOOKS

oh gosh, both of these are hard and my answers for them are probably so boring (they also come with the, “this is just how I feel right now because ugh, I am the worst at picking any all-time faves for broad categories”) — but!!

top “five” movies:

The Prince of Egypt — has some of the most beautiful art that I’ve ever seen, anywhere, and music that sticks with you, and it really shows the human drama and human stakes of such a classic story in ways that a lot of adaptations of Biblical mythology are afraid to do

Deadpool — because I’m garbage, the characters are great, the script is pretty good, and the movie makes me laugh. It’s not really a deconstruction (in the way that some people make it out to be, by way of justifying why they like it), and it’s not super-intellectual, and in a lot of ways, it’s like a giant #SorryNotSorry that makes fun of superhero movie tropes while continuing to use them (and there are some subtle ways it plays with some of said tropes and twists them around, but it largely doesn’t) — but it’s fun

But I’m A Cheerleader — is far from perfect, and I maintain that it’s actually much more depressing than the ending leads us to believe (I mean, Meghan/Graham and Dolph/Clayton get together and escape from True Directions and homophobic parents, and Meghan’s Mom and Dad at least try to do better by their daughter, but things don’t work out that well for anybody else), but it’ll always have a special place in my heart because it was one of the only lesbian movies that I had access to as a little gay baby

Female Trouble — I wouldn’t say that it’s the best thing that John Waters has ever done, just the one that I personally like the best, and I’ll admit that it’s probably an acquired taste…… but I love how it takes on celebrity culture in the story Dawn Davenport, and it gave us great lines like, “The world of heterosexual is a sick and boring life” and, “I wouldn’t suck your lousy dick if I was suffocating and there was oxygen in your balls!” It also has a special place in my heart as one of my favorite, “gay AND weird” movies

—which probably makes sense, given that it was written and directed by the trash king of being gay and weird

……like, seriously. My (best friend who I call my) brother once asked me, “So is John Waters gay or is he just really weird?” and the only thing I could think of to say to that was, “Yes, both.”

the “Three Flavours Cornetto” trilogy — which is totally cheating, to put three in here, but I couldn’t pick between them. I do think that Hot Fuzz and The World’s End are more fully actualized than Shaun of the Dead, but I love all of them, and the reason is pretty much just, “Because they’re good mixes of being hilarious and making me FEEL things” (……less so in The World’s End, for several reasons; it’s a lot heavier on the feels, to the point that you sometimes feel bad for laughing at the jokes, but still)

and books:

Good Omens (Terry Pratchett & Neil Gaiman) — This book was my introduction to both PTerry and GNeil, after I found a cheap copy in an airport bookstore when I was about twelve and immediately fell in love. It’s funny, the characters are vibrant and engaging, and it played right into my love of screwing around with Biblical mythology.

I’m periodically tempted to list different books for both of those men (with PTerry’s probably being one of the Granny Weatherwax books, or Faust Eric, and GNeil’s being either American Gods or one of his Sandman books — because yeah, he’s done other good stuff, but I’m more sentimentally attached to AG and Sandman. Also, Preludes and Nocturnes has some of the only non-movie or TV horror that has genuinely terrified me, so)

—buuuut then I never do, because Good Omens was my first book from either of them, and remains my sentimental fave, even though I admit that they’ve both written other books that are, “better” or, “stronger,” or whatever

Dry (Augusten Burroughs) — There’s a lot of fair criticism to be made of Augusten Burroughs, and he’s been one of the writers at the center of the debates about truthfulness or lack thereof in popular memoirs (like, how much an author is allowed to condense things before it stops counting as a, “real story,” and how an author remembers things happening vs. how other people remember them), but Dry nevertheless means a lot to me.

Like, I enjoyed Running with Scissors and his novel, Sellevision (which were the other Big Deals in his collected works, at the time I originally read Dry), but Dry fucked me up a LOT when I first read it. It has continued to fuck me up ever since.

There are passages in this book that I can’t even be jealous of, as another writer, because they’re so good that they skip right the fuck past, “I’m angry and jealous that I didn’t write this myself” and into, “Holy shit, THIS is why I write, the ability to do THIS KIND OF THING EXACTLY with words, I need to go write something right now”

Also, it means a lot to me for sentimental, “I read this book for the first time when I was in high school, and it made me feel less lonely and sad and scared” reasons

Dynamic Characters (Nancy Kress) — This is by no means the be-all and end-all of, “how to writer better” books, but it’s a personal favorite of mine, for two reasons: 1. there are some things that Kress doesn’t cover about creating characters and doing better by them in your writing, but she’s still pretty comprehensive and offers some solid illustrative examples, multiple perspectives on this part of writing (not as many as she could, but to be fair, she only has so many pages to work with), and a good mix of “tough love” advice and gentler, more reassuring advice;

and 2. …it was the first, “how to writer better” book that I ever got my hands on. I picked it out specifically because I’d posted a completely ridiculous crack fic that was a crossover between Harry Potter and Sailor Moon, with a first-person protagonist narrator who was a hot nonsense self-insert power fantasy Mary Sue with no flaws and no nuance because, hey, I was 11.

And someone actually commented to go, “Hey, look, you have talent, but you could do better and one place to start is maybe with learning to build better realized characters” — so I picked out the Nancy Kress book and it seems like a really silly thing to call a turning point? But it was big a turning point for me

Death, Disability, and the Superhero: The Silver Age and Beyond (José Alaniz) — okay, time for me to be a loser and cite an academic book. I’m also probably a cheating loser, since I just read this book for the first time recently…… but with that said? I’ve read a LOT of critical treatments of the superhero genre, some pretty good, others pretty bad (for example, I remain Perpetually Tired of Slavoj Žižek’s heavy metal Communist, Bane in Leather Pants bullshit reading of The Dark Knight Returns), and most of it somewhere in the middle

—but there’s this trend among people who write critically about superhero junk, whether they’re academics of not, wherein we act like we have to act like superhero comics are The Most Progressive Ever and oversell their sociopolitical impact in order to make them look like ~*True Art*~ That Must Be Taken Seriously (—and like, I’m not saying that they have NO impact on people at all, because that’s objectively false. But you also can’t try to claim that Superman, Wonder Woman, and Captain America comics are why the Allies won World War II)

(this is a pointless aside to note that I deliberately left the Goddamn Batman off that list, because while Supes, Diana, and Steve were all off punching Nazis, Golden Age Bruce and white boy!Dick were running around on the home-front, rounding up Japanese Americans and putting them in internment camps. So… y’know. There’s that.)

……or we have to take legitimate criticisms of problems in the superhero genre, both historical and current, and use them to go, “Therefore, the entire genre is pointless garbage that has no redeeming qualities at all and could never ever EVER be used to tell any stories that are worth telling, and frankly, you are all terrible, horrible people for enjoying it, how very dare you enjoy that X-Men movie or that Red Hood And The Outlaws comic, you’re basically a fascist now”

—which is hilarious, to me, because the people who write that sort of criticism almost always cite Fredric Wertham’s book, The Seduction of the Innocent (aka: the book that led to so much moral outrage over the allegedly very gay and fascistic, child-corrupting content of comicbooks that the Comics Code Authority was created), and they always go, “Well, obviously Wertham was OTT and totally full of shit, buuuut…… *argument that would not have been out of place in his book*”

So, one of the big reasons I loved Professor Alaniz’s book is that is does neither of these things. It offers some incisive, and occasionally kinda damning, critique of the superhero genre and its handling of disability and mortality, but he does so from a place of love and enjoyment, and never pretends to hate the genre, nor argues for throwing the whole thing out because it has problems.

Like, his underlying mindset is very much, “Yes, the superhero genre has a LOT of problems, but people could, in theory, fix them and try to get closer to realizing the full potential of what these characters and stories can do” — while never skimping on a detailed analysis of the trends and case studies that he presents.

Sometimes, I think he’s kinda reaching (and I, personally, never want to hear anything about Doctor Doom’s Oedipus complex ever again so long as I live, though it was validating to hear that my theatre kids AU version of him — who is a ridiculous mess, obsessed with taking selfies, and perpetually acting like he totally gets everything while missing some crucial detail, which is how he ends up thinking that Loki is dating Tony Stank [a suggestion that makes both of them want to puke] — is actually a valid interpretation of his character, based on some parts of canon)

Overall, though, my biggest problem with Professor Alaniz’s book is that he can be kind of a hipster and it can get a little bit annoying. Not enough to ruin the whole book, but enough that it does stand out.

Like, his chapter on Daredevil specifically analyzes an infamous Silver Age story that basically everyone hated — the one where Matt Murdock tells Karen and Foggy that he isn’t the Devil of Hell’s Kitchen, but he has some heretofore unknown identical twin brother named Mike, who is not blind but *IS* actually that aforementioned costumed hero, and carries on a charade of pretending to be his nonexistent twin brother — and okay, we get some pretty neat discussion of how passing can work or might not with disabled people

…but you can still walk away feeling like his biggest reason for analyzing that story arc was less about its value to any part of his discussion, and more about going, “Other Daredevil stories are too mainstream, I care most about this one that was so infamously ridiculous that people have said even soap operas wouldn’t have done this plot”

Likewise, I’m not saying that there aren’t very fair criticisms to be made of the X-Men and how their stories handle disability in particular… but at some points in his chapter on the Silver Age Doom Patrol comics, Professor Alaniz seems to be less, “using the pre-Claremont Silver Age X-Men stories as an illustrative foil to the Doom Patrol, especially with regard to how Charles’s paraplegia is treated vs. how The Chief’s paraplegia is treated” and more, “using this discussion as a free excuse to bash on the X-Men for being popular”

To his credit, Professor Alaniz does kinda discuss some of the ways that the X-Men’s popularity might have been affected by the fact that things like their ableist handling of Charles make them feel, “safer” and, “less sociopolitically threatening” than he makes the Doom Patrol out to be (with a pretty convincing argument, actually)

He just doesn’t do it enough for me to feel like his “criticism” of the X-Men isn’t at least partially grounded in going, “Well, it’s popular, therefore it sucks” (—as opposed to my approach to them, which is, “It’s popular, and has a mixed bag of things that it does well vs. things it does that suck, but it does not suck BECAUSE it is popular”)

Anyway, good book, and it’s written in a refreshingly accessible way (it’s still an academic book and harder to get into than, say, Good Omens, but Professor Alaniz doesn’t make a lot of the more common mistakes that leave a lot of academic writing effectively incomprehensible)

and last but not least…… Harry Potter and The Goblet of Fire (we all know who wrote this, okay, come on) — because I’d be lying if I didn’t include at least one HP book on this list, considering how important those books and that fandom have been to the course of my life and to my development as a writer, and it was either gonna be this one or POA, but this one won over the other because I’m garbage

[luffysfakebeard]

okay but think about Even and Isak and social media if Even ever got on board

imagine the snaps

Even loves sending Isak ridiculous snaps with the face filters and witty one liners. they usually make Isak roll his eyes but some of them are actually kinda funny and Even’s cute no matter what filter he uses so there’s that

Isak isn’t much of a selfie guy because he’s a self conscious lil bean but on the nights they aren’t together he sends Even snaps of his spread of homework with captions like why am I like this or will you ever fuck me as hard as this biology paper is

sometimes when they’re together Even takes sly photos of Isak because his boy is just so effortlessly beautiful and it blows Even’s mind and he wants to capture those moments for when he isn’t feeling so great so he can remind himself that while the world may seem bleak and hopeless there will always be Isak’s light

if Even’s feeling good Isak usually gets random snaps through the day, just little things that capture Even’s attention. sometimes it’s bright flowers or a black and white shot of buildings or clouds or literally just a snap of what’s right in front of Even as he walks. these are Isak’s favourite sort of snaps because it’s like seeing the world through his boyfriend’s eyes

when one of them is getting crushed under the horrifying weight of being a student or just being alive the other will send a cute little video saying something like you got this I love you you can kick this is the ass and it’s almost always followed by a blank snap that just says you need me to come over? because like hell would they let the other struggle alone

Even has been known to send Isak a snap of the front door to the kollectivet captioned are you going to let me in or what? after Isak’s sent him a particularly stressed out snap

facebook

Even doesn’t really use his facebook, he mostly got it because there were some groups in his classes where students swapped ideas back and forth and it was pretty helpful

Even and Isak are totally that couple that tag each other in stupid memes and just say ‘you’ ‘me’ or ‘us’ and everyone thinks it’s adorable

Even’s favourite thing to do is to find kitten photos and tag Isak in them with comments like ‘looks like you’ and when the boys see that they lose their collective shit because yes Isak you are just a tiny kitten definitely and Isak is so embarrassed and he’s going to kill Even

it’s hard to argue with it though seeing as the second Even runs his fingers through Isak’s hair the boy practically melts Even is convinced that if humans could purr Isak would

Isak gets revenge by tagging Even in hundreds of posts that try to say Terminator or some shit is the best movie ever made

sometimes they’re actually cute though and they’ll tag each other in those posts that are like ‘tag someone who changed your life for the better’ or ‘tag the love of your life’ and whenever the girls (especially Eva, who knew Isak way back when) see it they can’t help but swoon and sigh a lil because #goals

Even’s facebook has almost no posts because he doesn’t really see the point in documenting everything he does, but the few posts that are there are usually check ins where he’ll have ‘finally got Isak to watch *insert movie here*’ 

any photos of Even are where he’s been tagged in someone else’s photos. Eva is the worst for taking photos on a night out but hell if Even could say no to her when she’s so happy so yes okay he’ll bend down and take a photo with her 

Even’s favourite photo is one with Eva and Isak. he has his arm snug around Isak’s waist and he bent down a bit to accommodate Eva’s wish for a selfie and she surprised him with a kiss on the cheek and the photo got snapped just as Isak’s jaw dropped and he yelped out a hey!!!

Eva just captioned it with told you I’d steal him ;) and it became an iconic photo in their friendhship group

Instagram, the Skam fave

Even totally has notifications on for Isak’s insta because he’s extra af

Even’s instagram is probably what he uses most because he quite likes photography, he likes capturing the little moments in life that grabbed his attention

it’s very aesthetically pleasing and he actually got a lot of followers who’d have guessed?????

but every so often he’ll post a photo with Isak and it’ll literally be the cutest sappiest shit because that boy is so in love and it’s so obvious and his phone gets blown up with notifications to the point where he turns them off because he knows he’s dating the most gorgeous boy in the world he doesn’t need to see a thousand comments telling him what he already knows

Isak doesn’t use his instagram much, but Even always leaves cute little comments sometimes just a lil heart emoji. he especially leaves cute comments on the photo Isak posts of Even, things along the lines of wow what a good looking boyfriend you have you must be happy ;)

Even definitely looked at all the older things Isak was tagged in, and he even buys Eva a muffin at school as thanks for posting all those things with Isak in because they are a fucking gift

Even literally can’t get over how much of a baby Isak looked just a year ago??????????? sometimes he looks at Isak for ages until Isak can’t take it any more and asks what Even wants and Even just shows Isak one of those photos from Eva’s instagram and he’s just like how was this a year ago what the fuck Isak you look 12 I don’t understand this is keeping me up at night

JUST EVEN AND ISAK BEING THEIR CUTE SELVES ON SOCIAL MEDIA AS WELL AS IN THE REAL WORLD!!!

[datingadviceonreddit]

If you have too few pictures, you seem like a robot account. If you have too many selfies, she thinks you have no friends. There are always so many assumptions and red flags in online dating (sometimes rightfully so) which makes it hard to match with someone to be able to let your personality show. What's the point of an ~amazing~ personality if your profile is set up to lead to left swipes!?Background: I've had a ton of guy friends ask me to look at their dating profiles, and after having been on a variety of dating apps for about 2-3 years, I've created a collection of thoughts that might help if you're looking to try online dating! (Just from my personal experiences as a female, so take it all with a grain of salt!) These are suggestions for structuring your profile to increase the chances of actually getting to chat with someone online and letting that personality truly shine :)​First photo: Should be a solo picture to not be confusing about which one you are. Just go for a simple, wholesome smile—like the face you'd greet her with if you both decided to make a first date happen. No smirks, no looking off into the distance, make the first impression photo the photo that she'll expect to see when finally making eye contact with you in a public place. It's friendly and inviting. Probably best if it's somewhat like a headshot and not a far away body shot. Save those for later pictures. And make it look actually like you. Similar hairstyle, glasses if worn, etc... so that it doesn't make us feel like we've been catfished when you turn out with a buzzcut when your photos were you with long luscious locks. (not that hairstyle matters, but the point is to build trust and part of that is to showcase yourself to the best but also accurate depiction of yourself)Pet photos: Show us you and your cute dog! If a dog likes you, it makes us think that we'd like you, too! I have a lot of fun playing with my dog/walking him so when I see a guy that like taking care of his dog, I think that we'd get along. And it's a great conversation starter.Family picture: Not sure how universal this is, but when I see a photo of a guy and his grandma/grandpa/baby sibling/mom/etc... I think that it's so wholesome and takes away all thoughts that this guy is creepy (which unfortunately is an assumption that I have with a lot of online guys). This is also a great place to show your height maybe if you're especially tall or short. Most people will think you are average height, but instead of awkwardly inserting "6'2" since that matters here" as your caption, you can show with a photo that you are relatively taller or shorterFriends pic: Definitely have a photo with your best friend or a group of close friends. It lets us know that you have a solid social life and is exciting to know that somewhere down the line, you'll get to meet the guy's friends. Maybe a picture of all of you guys traveling somewhere or playing a sport, or just relaxing by the beach. This is a great time to sneak in a shirtless picture in a non-cocky wayTravel/Adventure pic: Everyone has those photos that moms take of when you're traveling or when you take a photo in front of a monument or city view "for mom". This is a great opportunity to stick in one of those into your profile to say that you've been to a cool place and that you love to travel. It can show a girl that you'd like to explore and travel with her one day. Also another great conversation starter.A silly one at the end: A funny picture either solo or with friends is a great last picture because a girl can see that last one, feel comfortable, hopefully find it silly as well, and make the decision to swipe right and send a message! I've seen some good photos of a silly costume, wacky accessory, hilarious Halloween costumers, friends doing a prank, and I've thought that was a good way to show personality and humor through a pictureCaptions: If you're using Hinge or a dating app that allows captions for each photo, keep them short but meaningful. If you're posting a pic with your baby sister, caption it something informative but funny like "don't worry, not my baby" which can really be the dealbreaker if someone thinks she's yours. Caption cool places you've been to for travel pictures, or add a bucket list item to a picture of you going on an adventure or doing something exciting. For Tinder-type longer captions that are for your entire profile, don't make your caption your height and weight. It's a waste of space and you could use that to instead show the funny or adventurous side of you. Write what's left on your bucket list. Write the craziest travel story you have. Write a joke. Have a sliiiightly self-depricating joke about yourself (but not too much) to appear confident and not insecure.Other thoughts: Use up all the photo slots. The more you post, the better chances the girl has to see your profile and try to get to know what kind of person you are. You might think leaving a lot to the imagination and being mysterious might be more attractive, and while that might work in person, a lot of girls I know are usually on the more cautious side of online dating and get creeped out and rather swipe left than take a chance on the mysterious online guy. Be extra polite and friendly because messages can't portray emotions like when we talk in real life. When in doubt, post smiling photos :) Even if you have less than great experiences with someone online, don't take it personally. It usually says more about them than you. Just keep being true to yourself, taking your shots, and you'll eventually find happiness!Again, these are just my thoughts from my experience with online dating and seeing what profiles I tend to be interested in getting to know about. Everyone has a slightly different motive for starting online dating and if yours is very niche or specific, then this will probably not fulfill all your goals.The overall aim is to have a profile that is attractive to showcase your best features, friendly to assuage all fears on the girl's side that you're not an online creep, and interesting to keep online messaging going until you guys can actually do things together in person on a real date. We hear horror stories of internet guys turning out to be creeps or stalkers and we all have that fear of "what if I get kidnapped on the first date". Having a profile that lets a girl know you're friendly, honest, family-loving, social, adventurous, and funny can be ways to make her feel more comfortable about you before even having the first date.​Good luck! And gals, let me know what you think from your personal experiences on online dating! :) via /r/dating_advice

[wherever-im-goin]

10/3/19 : A new beginning

Greetings, everybody! Though it may come as a surprise to some, I have found that I am not ready to completely stop writing about my life and thoughts, and I figured that I could no longer write under the service blog since I was no longer in that program. I like the idea of a blog because it has connected me to many people who I have missed because they are far away as well as provided joy and reflection to those who were reading it. Therefore, I'll keep writing (hopefully every week) about the new things in my life as well as any reflections or thoughts I might want to share with the wide web. So, let's get to it!

I arrived home about two weeks ago (October 19th) and was picked up by my cousin, Zander, at the airport. Afterwards, we got milkshakes at Steak N Shake, and I told him funny stories about living in Sacramento. Life has been slow and fast at the same time somehow. I couldn't stay still (that's not my mourning style), so I've been working at my Aunt Karen's shop (Karen's Couture,340 S Main St, St Charles, MO 63301, https://karenscoutureboutique.com). Feel free to visit me anytime and buy some amazing merchandise ;) Meanwhile, I've been applying to a variety of jobs (postal service, recruitment, HR, history museums, medical receptionist, healthcare, community engagement, local government, legal courts, and the public library). FedEx has quickly gotten back to me and are planning to make me an offer, but I don't think I'll take it since it's not really what I'm passionate about. I applied for FedEx and many other jobs unrelated to my degree the day after returning from Sacramento, but now that it's been about two weeks, I have had some time to reflect on things. I think I purposefully applied for a job like FedEx because I knew I would be hired quickly. When I first returned from Sacramento, I wanted to move on very quickly and not think about what I was leaving behind and how that made me feel (my community mates and like someone smashed my heart with a sledgehammer). I felt FedEx would be a job where I would not be constantly challenged and filled with self-doubt because it would be very straight-forward with very little risk-taking involved. I felt so incredibly burnt-out and unwanted/incompetent when I first returned home, but I feel a lot better now. To put it simply, since I was fired from my last job, I wanted a job where I knew I would never be fired or my competence questioned so intensely/frequently.

 I'm still hurting and filled with self-doubt, but I'm gradually healing from what happened. It's been harder to move on than I thought it would be, especially since I'm still so close with the ones I left behind in Sacramento. Even though me and my community members try to speak on the phone or Facetime whenever possible, I still acutely feel their absence. It hurts to see them moving on, even though I know and wish for them to do so. More than anything, I want to be back with them, growing closer and doing fun things together. I'm visiting them from December 13-15th for their regional Christmas party, and I'm excited to see everyone again, but I also know that I will have to leave again which will be enormously hard. After what has happened to me, my soul still feels very small, and my heart is still broken, but I also see a light shining brightly above me, always. There are many moments when I want to seek out revenge for the way I was treated. Maybe one day I will get my revenge, and people will lose something precious like I did, will hurt so deeply like I did. I find a part of myself wanting/needing wealth and power so that I can feel safe again. I want to ensure that I will never be hurt again and therefore should protect myself with what society says will elevate me, like money, a house, fame, success, and a cold heart and mute conscious. However, I know that is not right, and I want to keep living genuinely and being vulnerable because it hurts a lot more but it makes life way more beautiful than if I just shut out all my feelings and work on protecting myself. A house won't protect me. Neither will money. Life does not owe us anything, and there are no guarantees in this world, so I need to live accordingly.

 I'm very easily slipping back into my life in St. Louis, thanks to all my friends and family who welcomed me with warm hugs and promises of retaliation against those who hurt me on my behalf (that German/Irish culture is showing, haha). Tonight, I had dinner with my Pa, a tradition that is held every Sunday at his house and very special to me (we order Imo's Pizza and drink Diet Pepsi while chatting about the newest episode of 60 minutes or our favorite family stories). My grandpa and great-aunt were so happy to see me, and it warmed my heart a little with gratitude that I was able to spend such precious time with them again. Something that I had worried about when I was in Sacramento was that something could happen to my Pa, great-aunt, or any other family member while I was gone. One of my greatest fears was that if something happened, I wouldn't be able to get home in time to say goodbye or help in any way. I was missing priceless moments with my family, and that bothered me. Now that I am back, that fear can be put to rest.

 I've been trying to consciously do the activities that most brought me joy since I've been back. The first Thursday I was back, I went to Club Viva for salsa dancing and was welcomed back with a hero's welcome. There were many hugs and comforting words, which made my heart grow three sizes, like the Grinch (it's never too early to celebrate Christmas!) The club owner, Caesar, was so happy to see me and kept coming over all night to see how I was doing and to tell me how happy he was that I was here. My salsa/bachata/merengue/cumbia/cha-cha technique was a little rusty since I hadn't really been dancing in Sacramento, but otherwise, I had a great time dancing and hanging out with my salsa friends (plus I super duper missed their mojitos-best in all of St. Louis city, I tell ya). On Saturday night, I attended Club Viva's costume party as an angel and was forced by my friends to enter the costume contest (no, I didn't win, but Jessica Rabbit did). One of my friends, Kristine, was dressed as Mary Poppins, which was absolutely hilarious.

 When I'm not at salsa, I'm spending time with my friends who I missed and who missed me A LOT. One night, me and my friend Hanna made our own pizzas from scratch (with dough from Trader Joe's) and watched the very artsy movie, Midsommar. On Wednesday nights, I've been carrying on the longtime undergraduate-graduate school tradition of getting pizza at Pickleman's and then sneaking into one of the buildings on Saint Louis University's campus to watch a movie on their nice projector screens with my cousin Zander. I'm hoping I can also keep my Saturday nights open for trivia at Fuzzy's Tacos to play trivia with my friend, Skylar.

 Since being back, I've been invited and included in so many things which I'm very grateful for. On Halloween, I went to a party at Big Daddy's Bar on the Landing that was meant for Saint Louis University law students (I went with some of my friends who are currently students there). I dressed as the Virgin Mary, Mother of God, and I was given many compliments that night as well as many people bowing down before me and making the sign of the cross at me from across the bar (lol). I visited my friends, Liz and Kim's, new apartment, WHICH NOW HAS A TINY BEAUTIFUL KITTEN IN IT. His name is Desmond, and I've already decided that I would die for him a thousand times over. He was a stray and abandoned by his mom, but Liz found him, and then she and Kim adopted him. I held him until he fell asleep in my arms, and I felt my entire self melt with joy and contentment at experiencing such a beautiful moment. Liz is completely right when she says that Desmond is "great self-care". I'm very honored to be able to babysit him next month, so expect a lot of cute selfies of us on Facebook.

 A fun, new development is that I am traveling to Budapest with my mom from November 10th-22nd! She is teaching a law class in Budapest and invited me to join her since I am currently unemployed. We will also be visiting Prague which everyone says is amazing, so I am really excited and open to this new experience. One thing that I've always been dying to see is the Sedlec Ossuary "Bone Church" which is a very old church made entirely of real human skeletons! I understand that some people may find this disturbing, but I also spent the day of my 21st birthday in the underground catacombs of Paris, so this is right up my alley. We are also interested in visiting the famous thermal baths and paying our respects at the memorials for those killed by the Fascists during World War II.

  I'm also incredibly grateful for my opportunities to babysit so I can save up money for a dog or to buy souvenirs in Budapest. I've already babysat the twins and felt many years younger than I actually am-just by being around their childish wonder. At first, I was worried about what parents would think about me supervising their children since my last supervisor fired me on the grounds that I was incapable of keeping children safe, but it seems like that fear has been unfounded as evidenced by my flood of requests from parents all over St. Louis to babysit their children (insert emoji of me painting my nails).

 Lastly, the name of my blog is "wherever I'm goin'" due to my love of the quote by Confucius that is "Wherever you go, go with all your heart." I love this quote because it speaks to the impermanence of life and how important it is to do whatever you do with all your heart. I've never really been one to do things with half a heart, but I think it's still a great quote for me to live by and remember as I continue on with my life...going wherever I will go.

MK