#tall luke conspiracy

[xisadorapurlowx]

Jai's Story: Chapter 5

Jai wanted to kick and scream like a child as he was led through the crowds of party goers. 

He kept his eyes on the ground, hoping not to catch anyone's gaze, lest he might try and beg for someone to save his life.

“What’s going on here?” A familiar voice asked the man who was forcing Jai through the crowd.

“Your father wishes to see this man.” The man behind Jai responded to Leo.

Jai could see the black shoes and bright red trouser legs, staring at them as he hoped beyond hope that Leo would get him out of this situation. But he knew that wouldn’t happen.

“W-Well he hasn’t done anything wrong.” Leo’s voice trembled slightly at the mention of his dad, “He’s my friend. So you will let him go.” 

“I don’t take orders from you, boy.” 

And with that, Jai was steered to a flight of stairs and led into a private room on the second floor. 

In the room were the rest of the members of UN3RGR0UND, forced to their knees on the ground by other men in suits. 

“Nice going Jai.” Goldie snarled as Jai was shoved to the ground beside him, “Way to get us all caught.” 

“I followed the orders you all gave me! I wasn’t allowed to have any input on this plan, was I?” Jai snapped back.

“Are we all here?” 

The door opened again to reveal the villain behind their capture: Tall, young-looking and handsome, Antonio Angelico sweeps into the room. He is the splitting image of his son, the only key difference being his skin was tanned skin. 

Is that a real axe? Jai thought.

His costume was unsettlingly accurate to who he was as a person: A suit, just like the rest of his men, with a red tie, blue shirt with a white collar and covered with a raincoat. His hair had been slicked back and he carried an axe.

“Yes. These are the members of UND3RGR0UND.” The man standing behind Lithop said in a low grumble.

Antonio approached the group, “Eden,” He pulled off Lithops’ red eye mask and threw it aside as if it was a piece of litter. She tried to scramble away from his grip but he still got to her anyway, thanks to the men behind them, who all forced her to remain in place. 

“Luke.” He pulled off Tim’s and tossed it.

Jai’s eyes widened in horror as Antonio took off Titan’s mask, “Evelyn. June.” Goldie’s mask came off. “And finally, the man of the hour,” Antonio gave an empty smile at Jai as he took the mask that was still in Jai’s hands: “Jai.”

Nobody struggled or spoke a word, paralysed with fear. 

Jai fought against his every instinct to get up and run. To run and leave his group behind to face the devil in front of him. 

“Eden, Luke, Evelyn, June and Jai. Those are all your real names.” He repeated before going to sit on the edge of a coffee table in the middle of the room, “You have all caused me a lot of trouble. But I don’t blame you.” Antonio waved a hand dismissively, “You were all just following orders, weren’t they, Kaye?” 

From the bathroom came a woman and another man. 

The woman was battered and bruised, dressed like Amy Winehouse, mascara and eyeliner running down her cheeks from crying. 

“I’m lucky I have so many security precautions in case to make sure that my security cameras will tell me if they have been tapped into, or if someone has spoken to a group who are known for vigilante activity.” He looked around at ‘Kaye’ and continued, “I am glad that you finally decided to act, Kaye. It means I now have a reason to kill you.”

“Bastard,” Kaye hissed, “You absolute piece of shit! You cop paying off-” 

“However, before that, let me address all of you.” Antonio cut her off. “My sister in law is a rabid conspiracy theorist: Flat earth, Illuminati controlling the world Governments, 9/11 was an inside job, you know,” He looked at Jai. “That kind of thing. She thinks I killed my wife. I didn’t.” 

“Bullshit!” Lithop hissed at him, “We heard you!”

“Shut up!” Goldie and Tim shouted at her.

Jai’s eyes widened in horror as Antonio’s smile vanished from his face and his eyes suddenly became vacant of emotion.

“I did not kill my wife.” He repeated. 

Jai suddenly understood what he was getting at and he hung his head so that he didn’t have to look at the monster any further. What were they going to do? How do they get out of here without being forced to agree with what he was implying?

“In exchange for your freedom, you will not tell anyone about what you saw here.” 

Jai’s eyes darted to the others beside him. The group were all looking at each other as if silently conferring. Then, they all bowed their heads, “Okay,” Titan’s voice trembled, “Okay, okay. We won’t tell anyone.” 

“Are you guys kidding me?!” Jai spoke before he could stop himself, “This man definitely killed her! Look at what he’s done to us, to his son!” 

Thoughts of the scared boy that he heard on the phone, the way Leo had begged Jai to get his friend out and the desperate way Leo had tried to save him before he was led into this room. He had to do something! Anything! 

He dared to look at the demon again and then instantly regretted it. 

If Antonio was angry before at what Lithop had said, then this was sheer rage. The man's eyes had widened, all emotion completely depleted from his face. Gone was the thinly veiled niceness, now replaced with a cold and calculated expression. Jai could see the cogs turning in his head. Eventually, he stood and looked down at Jai. 

Jai was forced to stare into the dead eyes in Antonio’s face as if he was facing death himself.

Then, the facade went up again. “Okay Jai. I see what you’re saying.” He shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly, “Since we are both children of immigrants and Americans, I guess I can be a little more lenient.” Antonio looked Jai dead in the eye, “How about ten thousand dollars to buy your silence?” 

Jai’s jaw dropped at his offer. “I don’t want your blood money!” He shouted. “I want-” 

“Jesus Christ, Jai shut the fuck up!” Tim bellowed at him.

The sudden outburst made Jai look around at Tim, who was breathing heavily, “Take the loss!” 

He knew what Tim was saying and he didn’t want to agree with it. The only way to get out of here was to agree and move on but… Could he live with that? On his conscience?

Considering the mission: Eliza was murdered by Antonio Angelico and now one but they knew about the truth of it. He would still die if he refused the money again and no one would once again know what actually happened. But, if he took the money… He could at least save his own life as well as the group's life and prevent more deaths. He could do the one thing he failed to do the first time.

“Okay.” Jai hung his head, ashamed, “Okay. I’ll take the money. Just don’t hurt the rest of the group.” 

There was a smirk in Antonio’s voice as he spoke, “I’m glad we could come to an agreement. Release them one by one, in random intervals.” 

Goldie was the first to go, then Lithop, Tim and then Titan. Jai was the last person to be let go but before he was allowed to leave, Antonio spoke to him one last time. “I may be in need of your services at some point Jai. I hope that you will not turn down my request. Oh and one more thing.” 

Jai looked around as Antonio’s face darkened, “If you ever take another step closer to my son- no, if you even breathe his name again, I will not be as forgiving as I am now.” 

A chill shot down Jai’s spine and he nodded. 

As he left the room, he heard the sounds of Kaye, begging.

“Please, no! Please, don’t Antonio, please-!” He shut the door behind him, every fibre of his being telling him to turn around and try to defend the woman. But he gritted his teeth, balled his hands into fists and walked out of the party.

[ladyvader23]

The Tall Luke Conspiracy

The worst mistake of Vader’s entire career was letting the galaxy think his son was tall. 

The boy was short. He always had been, from his childhood until he’d run away from home. He’d inherited his mother’s stature, among some of her other more stubborn qualities. Vader had always liked the height difference. Sometimes he pretended his son was younger than he was, much to Luke’s dismay. 

But all of that changed because of the paparazzi when Luke was sixteen. 

Vader had done his very best to shield Luke from the spotlight. He was therefore well aware of how desperate the media was to learn any information there was on the young prince. He coached Luke repeatedly on what to do if confronted by the mob, but he found that his son often wasn’t as up front about it as he should have been--mainly because he knew Vader would hunt them down and kill them. 

Still. Luke had managed to evade the press, and it was usually a mere footnote in his daily briefing on the movements of his son through his spies. 

At least, until he’d been forced to go off world. When he returned, his briefing on his son contained a tabloid with Luke’s picture on it and the title “Prince Luke’s Height Revealed!” in bold letters over the top. 

He immediately sent for his son. 

“What is this?” He demanded the moment Luke walked in. 

A sheepish look appeared on Luke’s face. “Oh. Uh. No idea?” 

Luke was a terrible liar. He always had been. 

Vader scrolled to the headline article, scanning it quickly. “Then why is it that this reporter says they interviewed you and you told them you were five-nine?!” 

Luke groaned. “It was an accident, I swear! It wasn’t even an interview, I got cornered--” 

“You what?!” How dare they confront his son like that?! They knew who he was, they knew very well what he’d do to them and their entire miserable organization if they even thought about attacking Luke like that. 

“It’s not a big deal. It’s just a height.” 

“It is not even your height!” He knew exactly how tall his son was--five-five. He made sure to bring Luke to the doctor as necessary for check ups. He had since he was a little boy. He was well aware of anything to do with his son’s health. 

“I panicked!” Luke held his hands out innocently. “I just wanted to get to school and it seemed like the most innocent question to distract them with before I made my escape! And it’s not even real, so who cares? They can’t somehow use it against me.” 

Vader snarled, already making plans to take care of the reporters in question. “Next time, do not answer their questions and inform me or one of my spies immediately. We will handle this.” 

“That’s what I was afraid of.” Luke mumbled. 

Unlike Luke’s spur of the moment prediction, the height became far bigger news than either of them had thought. Even after Vader had taken care of the tabloid, other more credible news stations had reported on their prince’s height. Vader, mortified, immediately set up an appointment with the Emperor--he couldn’t very well get rid of the entire Imperial media, but the Emperor could silence them with a simple order. He had to take care of this; it was his son’s private business even if it was fake--

“Oh, I think the news is just what that boy needed.” Came the Emperor’s surprising--and infuriating--answer when Vader made the request. 

Vader was silent for a few cycles, trying to choose his words carefully. “He is not five-nine.” 

It wasn’t at all what he wanted to say. He wanted to say the media had no right to be snooping into a minor’s business, let alone a royal minor, but that was too much attachment. As it was, his master barely tolerated Luke’s life as it was. 

“That is precisely the problem.” The Emperor growled. “Do you realize how embarrassing your pathetically small son is to the Empire? You, for all of your medical failings, are the perfect picture of strength and control.” He gestured to him. “Your son? He looks like he might get squished by a womp rat.” 

Vader gritted his teeth against the Emperor’s insults against his son. Anyone else would be dead. “He is not done growing--” 

“That boy is going to be short forever, Lord Vader. I have foreseen it.” Vader half wanted to ask if he’d specifically looked into the future to see if his son would grow or not, or if it was coincidence. “I will command all Imperial propaganda departments to proclaim five-nine as Luke’s official height. I do not wish to hear another word of this.” 

So Vader was forced to comply. 

And when, two years later, Luke betrayed him and defected to the Rebellion, he ended up regretting that decision. 

While he raged and searched for his son across the galaxy, he employed numerous bounty hunters to assist. He ordered for Luke’s file to be given to any assisting, and he put a million credit “alive only” bounty on his head. In the moment, he’d forgotten about the ridiculous “tall Luke” propaganda campaign from a few years before--his sole focus was finding his son, convincing him of the error of his ways, and ensuring he never lost him again. 

That was, until not only was no one able to bring him Luke, but he found out that many had actually captured Luke, only to let him go. 

“You will tell me why you let my son go!” Vader snarled as he strangled a young bounty hunter. She’d actually sent him a holo proving she had him, but when he’d shown up to her ship, he was gone, and her ship crew had explicitly told him she’d let him go. 

She struggled for breath, gasping as her skin paled. “Wrong....guy!” 

Vader had not been expecting that answer. The holo had left him no doubt that she’d captured his son. He’d know him anywhere, even if he was dressed in Rebel fatigues. “Explain!” 

She clawed at his hand around her throat. “He’s...five-seven!” 

He stared at her. And stared. And stared, until she was lifeless in his hand. And even then, he stared, his mind roaring with the information she’d given him. 

Finally, he dropped her, pulling his comm out before she’d even thudded to the floor. 

“Yes, my lord?” Piett answered, standing to attention in the small image held in his hand. 

“I need you to tell me what height is listed on my son’s bounty.” Vader ordered. He already knew, but he needed confirmation. 

Piett was silent for a moment, and Vader watched as he checked for the information on his datapad. “All bounties and missing person files on Prince Luke show that he’s five-nine. Why?” 

Vader closed his eyes. 

Five-nine. 

The boy, now eighteen, was five-seven. 

He cursed Palpatine for allowing the Imperial propaganda machine to indulge in Luke’s tall-person fantasy. He cursed Luke for not listening to him when he’d told him not to engage with the paparazzi. Already, he could imagine exactly how Luke was managing to get away from everyone he sent after him: 

“You’re Luke Skywalker!” The bounty hunter would say. 

“No, I just look a lot like him.” Luke would retort. Force, Vader could imagine the smug tone in his son’s voice as he said it, too. 

“I have your bounty right here!” 

“I can’t be Luke Skywalker. I’m not tall enough.” 

He’d insist until those stupid bounty hunters pulled out a measuring device to prove that he was, indeed, Prince Luke, and find that he was three inches shorter than the official Imperial bounty information. 

“See?” Luke would say triumphantly, “I’m too short. But wouldn’t it be great if I was royalty? One can dream!” 

Then he’d pleasantly chat the bounty hunter up until he was let go, and the bounty hunter would watch Luke fly away, probably debating on trying to pass him off as the real prince the entire time, not realizing they had, in fact, let Luke go. But the information on the prince had come directly from the Empire itself, from his own office, and he was his father--surely he’d have corrected that, right? 

He wished a hole would open up in the floor and swallow him up. How could he have forgotten? He’d let Luke play his bounty hunters for months not even knowing it was his fault it was happening. 

“My lord?” Piett asked, frowning. “Is there something wrong?”

 Did he admit that he’d let the wrong height be published on all of Luke’s bounty information? 

No. 

It would make his job easier, but...no. 

He couldn’t admit he, Luke’s father, had forgotten to put the correct basic information on the bounty for his own son. He had a reputation, and he wasn’t about to let Luke and his silly lie damage it. 

“Place an order on all bounties instructing all suspects, regardless of how they look, are to be detained until I personally can inspect them.” He said instead. It would mean that he’d probably get contacted about suspects that most certainly were not Luke, but at least his son couldn’t keep exploiting the “Tall Luke” loophole. 

“It will be done, my lord.” 

He cut the transmission and glared at the body of the bounty hunter. 

The moment I find you, Luke, he promised into a bond that had long grown silent, I will set straight your actual height on all Imperial material. 

He could have sworn he heard the echo of Luke’s laughter, taunting him from somewhere far away.

[captainkirkk]

✩ WEEKLY FIC ROUND-UP ✩

Danny Phantom

after school summons by blueh

"So this is the fabled Ghost King," the man says like he expected better.

Danny feels he should almost be offended if it isn't for the tiny detail that these cultists—who summoned him by using salt and goat bones—assume he is the ghost king. "…Did you seriously confuse me with Pariah Dark?"

The man pauses. "Pariah Dark?"

"Yes! He's like fifteen feet tall, has a huge sword, is a pain in the ass, and has, like, an entire ghost army. I have, I dunno, pre-calc homework in my bag. We are not the same."

Or: Danny accidentally gets summoned. He’s not happy about it.

Stranger Things

Runaway by ohmybgosh

Jim Hopper just wants to find a Christmas present for his telepathic daughter. He didn't ask for all these extra teenagers in his home.

Star Wars

The Emperor Skywalker Conspiracy by loosingletters

The Emperor is dead and so is Darth Vader. So. Uh. Who exactly inherits the Galactic throne?

Or, the Holonet discovers the existence of one Luke Skywalker and promptly makes it a meme. I present you the one long rant of a lone blogger trying to disentangle the mystery behind Luke Skywalker and his maybe inheritance of the Empire.

Clone Wars

Living Memory, My Fate to Follow by elsa3beth

Ben Kenobi expected his tutelage on Tatooine under the force spirit of Qui-Gon Jinn to yield a new perspective on the galaxy and his place within it. He just did not expect his last lesson to be so…literal. Finding himself back in the early days of the Clone Wars, Ben, now once again General Obi-Wan Kenobi, must struggle with the failures of a past he has long suppressed, while others conspire to give him hope for a future that might yet be.

It is a road paved with military campaigns, media faux pas, too many OCs to name, good Jedi, and a very very slowly developed angst that will eventually come to a boil. An exploration of war and friendship, and the moral grays of the Star Wars universe.

Capacitance by Jessepinwheel

"Oh, Cody," General Kenobi says softly, in a tone of voice that makes Cody cold with dread. "Since this war started, I have never not been in pain." Or: The story where Obi-Wan takes on other people's pain because he's that kind of a person.

second skin by 8386444

Once is chance, twice is coincidence, three times is a pattern. Cody doesn't quite know how to feel about the way General Kenobi keeps ending up in clone armor.

Show Me Where I Belong by Quillfeet

Master Qui-Gon once forced Obi-Wan to choose between the Jedi or the lives of children. Obi-Wan had struggled with the consequences of that choice. He feared that he made the wrong one.

But then the Mand'alor Jaster helped him and the Young, throwing everything Obi-Wan knows into chaos. Now Obi-Wan must choose between the Republic he was raised to save or the Mandalorian Empire that saved him.

Beach Party by otherhawk

Cody and Obi-Wan take time out from the war to throw a party and ensure the 212 has a chance to relax.

"The fact that the entire of the 212th had a couple of days R&R that just happened to coincide with them finishing setting up a staging area on the incredibly beautiful tropical moon of Kaleto, just as a large shipment of what might be called 'luxuries' were delivered to General Kenobi, and while the 501st arrived to take the watch, might seem like a genuine miracle. Might. If Cody wasn't fully aware that it was the culmination of a three week strategy that he and his Jedi had worked on as assiduously as any military campaign. "

[sweetesthaaze]

Jonathan is definitely taller. Not by a massive amount but at least by 5-7cm? He’s like a forehead or so taller. Which is why when Simone wears heels she’s either same height or taller. Plus I also think the hair helps. Like Simone’s gorgeous locks when allowed to just BE and cascade down add height. 🤣 I have no idea why I am jumping in on this, I guess it’s also something I thought about. Sending love to you!

Yeah it can be hard to tell sometimes because of the hair. But they’re definitely around the same height, like I said in another ask, he’s at most an inch taller, he can’t be more.

But exactly how tall they are is the question now. Because I’ve gotten a lot of conflicting opinions about that, someone saying that Simone is definitely over 6 ft and others saying Anthony is shorter than Luke N who is 6 ft, so like the numbers are weird!

This whole height conspiracy has been so much, I’m so glad all y’all are jumping in with your thoughts!

[bbnibini]

AZRAEL, AVATAR OF PATIENCE (TO COMBAT WRATH)

(ao3 vers.)

Angel-of-Death-in-training

A pure cinnamonroll who just wants to help

The youngest of the Seven Virtues

Smol boi energy in a tall boy's body (around 185 cm)

He looks up to the other angels and acts very politely with all of them. In fact, he speaks very formally to everyone--even the human souls he escorts to the afterlife.

He thinks Michael's manner of speaking is really cool and attempts to imitate him...with adorable results.

"I ask of thou...doth...ah! I bit my tongue."

He tries his best okay, and that's what matters.

Is conscious of his slender figure. He had his snow white hair grown long like Michael's (his mentor), but due to the fact that so many people mistook him for a girl, he cut it short. He doesn't really like his red eyes, as he remembered Michael saying that Lucifer had the same eye colour when he turned into a demon. That is to say, he doesn't dislike Lucifer. It just doesn't sit well with him  knowing that he shares a common physical attribute with a demon. "Does that mean, I'm also a demon?" kinda like that which is of course far from the truth.

Was too young(maybe he wasn't even born yet when it happened) to remember the Celestial War, so he isn't really acquainted with any of the Demon Brothers. Even then, the only one he knows is Lucifer because Michael talks fondly about him from time-to-time. He doesn't understand why his mentor would act in such a friendly manner with a fallen angel, and is genuinely concerned his kindness would put him in a tight spot someday.

The Avatar of Patience was never seen angry, living up to his name.

The innuendos Uriel speak fly through his head. He is the last to realise something inside Uriel snapped and defended his senpai's honour (or lack thereof) from the naysayers.

Has a sweet tooth but only eats them on special occasions. (He couldn't decline when it's his brothers who offer him sweets though).

Is good friends with Luke. Believe it or not, they are of the same age.

Official taste tester of Raphael's healthy snacks along with Luke. He still feels guilty that he knows that Seraphiel's portions always had some vegetables in them. But he promised Raphael he wouldn't speak about it so he didn't.

Can be a bit hard on himself so it's up to his "older brothers"(or in Mikey's case, "grandpa") to spoil him. He's the youngest after all so it's his privilege and his alone.

Wears a hood while doing his "internship" since he doesn't want to scare the human souls with his "disgusting red eyes". Michael knows the stubborn angel couldn't be convinced even if he reassures him, so he settled on buying him a few sets of hoods while they're on the job. (It evolved into a hobby for Michael and he genuinely started liking dressing Azrael up).

Used to hang out a lot in Uriel's office before the Avatar of Chastity "snapped". These days, he did notice the visits are getting less frequent--what he doesn't know is that Raphael is going out of his way so the two wouldn't meet, out of fear that Azrael would be taught "weird things". He misses eating pancakes with his older brother and listening to his conspiracy theories though...

"Raphael, what's an orgy?"

This meme is basically Raphael's reaction.

Due to his polite and thoughtful nature, he's liked by everyone. He often comes home with snacks and treats in his arms that he shares with the other angels. Apparently, Gabriel is the same. Azrael is happy that he resembles his brother in that manner and listens to his pieces of advice earnestly.

In human world years, of course he'd already be dead. But in terms of physical age, he looks like he's in his late teens to early twenties. (A fact that Luke doesn't take so well. They're almost the same age, so why is it only Azrael that gets to have a growth spurt?!)

No route for this cinnamonroll. Only headpats

His route (if ever he will get one) is platonic and is probably going to be the reverse harem route where Azrael would be your oblivious cupid to his older brothers.His route is the adoption route. Protect the child.

He thinks getting married is really serious business (thanks to Raphael's teachings) and even "proposed" to his brothers once without understanding its meaning.

"Please marry me! I want all of us to stay together forever!!" (Imagine a baby Azzy pre-growth spurt saying this. Shorter than Luke and has a habit of switching his consonants ex. 'mawwy me pwease!')

Cue in his older brothers+dad and grandpa dying of cuteness.

No, Uriel. No orgies.

Is too...patient to get pranked? Probably got pranked by Gabriel before and he just smiled and looked at the older angel cluelessly.

This applies to Uriel's nose booping too. He doesn't understand it, but if it makes his brother happy, then it makes him happy as well.

Accidentally called Cain "Dad" once.

A silent advocate of #TallBoysNeedHeadpatsToo

Is the reason why Raphael became a Ruri fan. Once upon a time, when Azrael was a lot younger, they watched the anime together and he liked it so much that he demanded they watch it every time it's Raphael's turn to babysit him. He grew out of his Ruri phase once he got older, but unfortunately...it wasn't the same for Raphael.

If you tell him to wait for you somewhere as a joke, 100% of the time, he would take it seriously and would really wait for you there. Rain or shine, even if it's really cold outside, he'd be there. (He has a hard time distinguishing jokes so it's best to just say things to him in earnest.).

One time, Seraphiel forgot him in the human world while he was on the run from a persistent vegetable stall owner(Sera had promised Azzy that he would take him to one of his missions). It had been 2 days and Raphael had been losing his mind looking for their youngest one when Michael chanced upon Azrael on the very spot Sera told him to wait on, not moving even an inch. Aside from the rare time the mild-mannered Avatar of Charity had unleashed his rage, it had been a cautionary tale for the other Virtues to ALWAYS be sincere with Azrael from then on.

Would be the type to follow a stranger in their white van if he's bribed with candy. He's too trusting for his own good.

Because he has a child's innocence in an adult's body, he's surprisingly popular with "oneesans".

And since he earnestly listens to Gabriel's seduction lessons...it wouldn't be a surprise if he would be a lady killer (albeit unintentional) when he gets older.

Is good with his hands. He likes painting and making handicrafts in his spare time.

Raphael's hair pins, Seraphiel's earrings and Michael's favourite brooch are among his many creations.

Was good friends with some famous artists like Leonardo da Vinci, Vincent Van Gogh and Pablo Picasso, whom he met on some of his assignments. Meeting them again in the afterlife was bittersweet.

Like Seraphiel, he believes in the importance of treasuring the present. Although every being in this world has an end, it doesn't necessarily mean that one should only dwell on the end. Acknowledging the transience of life and treasuring those rare fateful encounters, he believes is what was important. Though the friends he made in the mortal world may never remember him as he ferries their souls to the afterlife, it doesn't depreciate the value of the memories and bonds they shared when they were still living.

Though he could know almost everyone's "expiration" if he wants to, he doesn't really use those powers unless necessary. Some things are better left unknown.

He has an ever growing journal of every soul he had guided to the afterlife. In the ever silent night, when humanity is slumbering, he offers an elegy for the dead...even those long gone and long forgotten. Even if it were only him that would remember them, he didn't mind. In fact, he wanted to be the one who would never forget. Every life matters, even the lives that had already found peace in the afterlife. If even the person themself couldn't remember their hardships in the mortal world, he believes it is his job to remember for them. He's stubborn and hard-headed like that.

Of all the traits he had to inherit from their third eldest, it had to be his disregard for his own well-being. He also shares Michael's tendency to overwork himself and Uriel's fondness for pancakes. Thankfully despite it all, he's growing up as a fine young man.

[mousathe14]

As I dispatched my feelings on Tales of The Abyss earlier, @adda-j wished for my thoughts on a few other characters, specifically Organization 13/2 The Six God-Generals and Master Van.

For those not in the know the Six God Generals are our quirky mini-boss squad of this story thus far, and Master Van is the mentor figure of our nominal hero Luke Fon Fabre.

Unfortunately I am not far enough to have any strong opinions on a lot of them. They’re just sort of generic antagonists right now.

Sync is kind of an over confident brat, Largo is just sort of big and there.

Arietta is just a meek version of Anise: a little girl with great magical power in an unusually high position. I will say that the game did me dirty on drawing her ire.

There was some Ligers terrorizing some locals and the game gave me no choice but to kill the queen. Like, game was talking about the choice of killing or not killing the liger queen but I, the player, had no actual say in the decision. Just got to watch Luke agonize over it before having to actually do the deed.

In fact I wanted to talk about it ages ago, I didn’t want to kill her at all! And now Arietta hates us because she can talk to animals and was raised by Ligers! I’m just as mad as she is and I’m getting blamed for this! It’s not cool!

Okay, that rant out of the way, I love Dist. Dist is hilarious. He is this big over the top dude who fancies himself a brilliant mad scientist super villain without an ounce of irony, and no one is having any of it.

He’s going around in his floating chair with his smug lean, hair covering half his face, and glasses illuminated in the light, and no one cares. It’s beautiful. And he’s so bratty about it, it’s hilarious. Of course Jade has thoughts on this guy, and they know each other, which makes it all the more delicious. I can’t wait to see Jade interact more with this loser.

I guess this just leaves Master Van who I pegged as a traitor very early on. He’s a stern but reasonable and caring dude who seems to want what’s best for Luke. He’s very convincing, and maybe some part of him does actual care for Luke.

But also, like, I could sense a betrayal coming as soon as he was introduced. I don’t know when it’s coming, I could be totally wrong. Or hell, I could be half right and he comes back to the hero’s side after the betrayal. Maybe it’s a Kratos from Tales of Symphonia thing where your choices determine whether he stays with the bad guys of joins you.

The point is that I almost trust him. But what’s worse is that Luke trusts him, which means that character-wise it would be an emotionally devastating turn.

You know, I was extremely convinced that Luke had a crush on Master Van. Jury’s still out on that but the writing really really emphasizes how much Luke likes and wants to be around Master Van.

What really sold it to me is that Master Van wants to take Luke far away from here and Luke’s enthusiasm to leave behind his friends, family, and comfort to get away from it all with this tall dark confident dude who has been teaching Luke life lessons and how to fight and stuff.

If the game series wasn’t so hetero I would almost say it’s not subtext, it’s just text.

Of course this queer reading of the text would also need to take into account that this older dude Master Van wants to spirit away this 17 year old boy who only has half his memories. So that makes Van a potential predator taking advantage of Luke’s obsessive admiration.

So that’s two readings that I’m not sure how to feel about.

I just know there are too many unanswered questions about the mystery of Luke’s childhood kidnapping and memory loss and Van’s mysterious involvement so whether Van’s intentions are benign or part of some bigger malignant conspiracy are still entirely up in the air.

But I do think that the writers may have wanted us to see Luke’s interest in Van as admiring a really cool fatherly or uncle-like figure and may have over done it so now it looks Luke just really wants Van to sweep him off his feet and tell him what a good boy he is.

[spell-cleaver]

Luke's legs gave out and he collapsed in his seat, white as a sheet as he stared in horror at the results of the blood test. "No... no, that's not true," he whispered. "That's impossible."

Previous parts on the masterpost here!

Luke’s legs gave out and he collapsed in his seat, white as a sheet as he stared in horror at the results of the blood test. “No… no, that’s not true,” he whispered. “That’s impossible.”

Sabé watched Luke perform with something a lot like pride, though she had to hide her smile for the cameras, and the knowledge of where—or rather, who—these talents at feigning emotions to get what he wanted had come from soured the feeling. A lot.

But Padmé’s son was skilled as ever. He clutched the arms of the chair he’d collapsed into and whispered, “He wasn’t my birth father?”

Vader had a job to do here, of course. Sabé didn’t think Luke’s flinch was faked when he suddenly boomed, “You were a war orphan. I was there when he adopted you, and raised you as his own.”

Only a few courtiers and reporters had been allowed to be here for this, and Sabé could see in the eyes of the ones who’d started the conspiracy that this was delighting them. One particularly bold governor—Sabé forgot his name—made to push forwards, to squawk or speak up and probably lay his own claim in the wake of this, but Luke’s words stopped him before he could.

“He was not my birth father,” he said, voice ringing out clearly, if quietly. “He did not sire me, and I do not bear his blood.”

Luke stood from the chair again, his crown—that thin gold circlet that she’d become so used to seeing on his head she forgot it wasn’t a part of him—straight and shining. He said, “But this knowledge does not change anything about my regard for him. It does not change my respect, my love, my…”

He glanced away, blinking rapidly, and he was really selling this.

“How much I miss him.” His voice did tremble as he raised it again, but it was with emotion, with a righteous fervour— “And my ferocious drive to uphold what he taught me, and keep his Empire strong. If I was not born to him, then that means he chose me—out of all the other orphans left by the devastation of the war he ended, out of all his advisors he could have selected to the role, he chose to raise me as his own and allow me to inherit the crown after his inevitable, tragic passing. And he—” He paused to wipe at his eyes. “He chose me as his son. Blood or not, he is my father.”

The reporters were lapping this up. That governor looked dismayed.

“I would do anything to have him back,” he said. “But he is dead, and we must all carry on without him.” He lifted his chin. “And I will use all the skills and assets that my father has passed onto me—his sole heir, by blood or not—to go forwards. His kindness, his generosity, his ingenuity—I will use everything he ever taught me to continue his work. With Lord Vader, his most trusted right-hand man, at my side…” A veiled threat if there ever was one. “We will seek to bring the Empire to new heights, to greatness, more so than ever before.”

When he bowed his head, a tear slipped down his cheek.

“Thank you all for serving my father so well,” he said. “I can only pray that we can ensure his legacy is not forgotten.”

When the crowd started clapping, Sabé finally allowed herself to smile.

*

“That was brilliant, Luke,” Nova said after they returned to his quarters. “You really sold it.”

Luke found tears were still leaking from his eyes—the thing about that trick his father had made him pull off, about crying on command, was that it was difficult to turn off—and he swiped at his face angrily.

“Good,” he said, a little sharply. “I hope that solves the problem—and I hope that Vader can deal with it if it doesn’t.” The man himself had gone to organise something with Luke’s bodyguards immediately after the conference.

“It will,” she assured him, “it was perfect.” She frowned. “Are you alright?”

He felt dirty. Unclean. Switching loyalties and opinions about everything—about the Empire, about his father, about Vader—so quickly, dishonest about everything including himself. Even coming clean about this hadn’t helped. Had made it worse, with how he’d put on a show, like his father would have him do at state functions and parties, with the sole aim of making people do what he wanted them to—

“I’m tired,” he said. This was the first time he’d been back in his quarters since they arrived on Coruscant, and he was relieved to see them; since he and Vader had started to reconcile, he’d grown fond of the place he’d once wanted to escape so badly. “I think… I just want to sleep.”

Nova gave him a sympathetic look. “I understand. I’ll see you tomorrow, Luke.” She kissed him on the forehead then, gathering up the folds of the crimson dress she’d worn to the conference, left him alone.

Luke sighed.

Then he staggered into his bedroom.

There was something on his bed. He frowned, and approached it carefully… before realisation hit and he smiled.

This cuddly toy was a tooka—though a bright blue one. The tag on its collar read little angel, as always.

When he crushed it to his chest, he sighed again, and felt lighter.

Then he heard the door slam shut.

He whirled around immediately, backing off, tooka clutched to his chest. There—

There was a man here.

Tall, skinny, humanoid—that was all he knew, that was all he recognised in the black suit, before there was a knife at his throat and a gravelly voice in his ear.

“That was a beautiful speech you gave, Your Majesty,” it murmured. Luke’s gaze was filled with the black fabric across the assassin’s chest; he squeezed his eyes shut. “Did you mean it?”

“Which bit?” Luke rasped.

“About how if you could bring your father back, you could.”

Luke opened his eyes again, frowning. “Of course I meant it. He was my father.” The lie didn’t bother him as much when there was a blade at his neck. “But that’s impossible.”

“What if I told you it wasn’t?”

Luke blinked fiercely. “It’s impossible. Now—” He choked up as the assassin pushed the knife deeper against his skin; blood beaded on the blade. “What do you want with me?”

“Come with me, Your Majesty,” the assassin promised, “and you’ll see.”

Send me the first sentence of a scene from this AU and I’ll continue it!

Beginning | Previous | Next

[radioactivepeasant]

Fic Prompts: Star Wars Wednesday

(Self-indulgent fix-it of the sequel trilogy? On my blog? More likely than you'd think! As I often do with the ST, I'm really only using characters introduced in those movies that I liked)

The reunion was a raucous one, every bit as full of exuberance as the aftermath of the Endor victory. Luke wove through the crowd, shaking hands, hugging old friends, even submitting to the occasional hair tussle.

There appeared to be some kind of conspiracy between Han, Lando, and Chewbacca to prove to themselves that Luke hadn't gotten too tall to do that to. (Han had been a little annoyed the day Ben got too tall for him to easily ruffle his hair. Now Luke had to take his place, apparently.)

"Luke! Get over here, you old hermit!"

Luke laughed as Wedge pulled him into a tight hug. "Wedge! I should've known you'd only be on time for the after party."

Wedge shoved him playfully. "Says the man who vanished for ten years! Don't tell me you were stuck in another swamp?"

"Uh..."

"Luke. No. You weren't!"

With a sheepish look, Luke shrugged. "Wasn't a swamp, no. It was an island inhabited by cantankerous groundskeepers and mischievous ghosts. Technically only half stranded. It's just that my mission ended up taking way longer than it was supposed to."

Wedge Antilles stared at him a moment, then broke into loud laughter. "Only you, Skywalker! Only you!"

They were interrupted by Han pushing through the crowd to reach them. "Hey Luke! Take over for me, will ya? I need a break from all this socializing."

Of course, Luke knew what he really meant. He was going to see Leia and Ben in the infirmary. They had demolished the so-called Knights of Ren during the final battle, but not without sustaining injuries. Nothing a few weeks of rest (and a lot of therapy) wouldn't fix. Luke was just happy nobody had lost a limb this time.

"Alright, tell them I said hi," Luke said.

"Tell 'em yourself," Han grumbled goodnaturedly.

The celebration showed no signs of slowing even hours later. Luke found himself a quiet corner with Kaydel-Ko, Rose, and Rey. They could just see Finn over the heads of a few pilots, looking as though he'd like to join them. Unfortunately, the young general was still being mobbed. Luke pulled a wry face at his apprentice and laughed when Finn crossed his eyes at him in return.

"Well, do you think I'll actually get to retire this time?" Luke joked, leaning back against a tree.

"Speak for yourself," Kaydel-Ko said primly. "I'm just getting started!"

Rey hummed thoughtfully. "I suppose I am, too. At least, when Master Leia is on her feet again."

Rose propped her feet up on a tool box and leaned against her friend's shoulder. "What do you want to do when your Jedi training is done? Are you going to fly with the Solos?"

"I don't know," Rey teased, "Maybe I'll take up moisture farming."

This earned her a rather dire look from Luke.

"Don't even joke like that, kid," he groaned.

[shipsforeveryone]

XL Ship For Anon

Their Request - 

Hi! Can I request a ship for all of your fandoms. Males only please!

Oh and for the scenario - First Fight. For TVD?

I am a tall, curvy straight female with blonde hair and blue-green eyes.

I am introverted, intellectual, I have a bunch of interests and hobbies, which I tend to hyper fixate on. I am also a bit of a jack of all trades as I like to learn/teach myself how to do a wide variety of things.

I have a very idiosyncratic point of view, I'm bookish and very interested in history. I have a knack for accurately predicting the likelihood of the future. I tend to test people to see if I can trust them a lot but then I become a friend for life. Literally, a ride or die. I have hidden dimensions and intensity and they're hidden because I'm pretty withdrawn. Wanting to watch people from afar to see if I can even poke my head out of my shell around them.

I tend to act arrogant, cryptic, or cynical when afraid. I can be diplomatic and say things without saying them. I am defiant/rebellious towards authority and habitually find counterexamples to whatever others assert. Despite this attitude, I'm incredibly loyal, hardworking, ambitious, and very idealistic.

I struggle with ADHD, social anxiety, and paranoia. I can brood over injustices or entertain conspiracy theories. I am a bigger fan of sneaky vengeance over outright confrontation. I can be passive-aggressive and self-attacking. I love all animals though I never want to personally own a dog, due to how needy and loud they are. I'm more of a cat or reptile person.

I like to record my thoughts out loud and later organize them.

I'm also currently fighting the urge to delete this because I think I sound very full of myself in this lol

Pretty please and thank you! Also sorry this was so long.

My Response

No worries, babe! You don’t sound full of yourself at all. I love the fact that you didn’t beat around the bush about describing yourself!

Avatar: The Last Airbender 

OTP - Zuko. He would love your idiosyncratic point of view and how insightful you are. And would often come to your for advice.

BrOTP - Aang

NOTP - Sokka

Bright

OTP - Nick Jakoby

BrOTP - Tikka

NOTP - Daryl Ward

Buffy the Vampire Slayer

OTP - Rupert Giles. You have quite a bit in common, and you may even end up arguing the uses of technology while admiring books as much as he does.

BrOTP - Daniel “Oz” Osbourne

NOTP - Buffy Summers

Doctor Who

OTP - The 10th Doctor. He’d gently coax you out of your shell. And he’d take you anywhere in time or space that you want to go. If you don’t outright say where/when you would like to go then he’ll pick up on it by listening to your latest interests. 

BrOTP - Is it cheating to say the 12th Doctor? Oh well. I think you would be partners in crime all the way.

NOTP - Rose Tyler

Dragon Age

OTP - Solas. There’s so much in common and I think you’d probably be the best option to convince him to change his plans. 

BrOTP - Merrill.

NOTP - Cassandra.

Fast and Furious franchise

OTP - Tej Parker

BrOTP - Deckard Shaw

NOTP - Luke Hobbs

Game of Thrones

OTP - Tyrion Lannister. Tyrion would tease you to draw you out of your introverted shell. He'd be very interested in your hobbies, interests and your knack for predicting the future. He'd admire your wide skill set, loyalty, defiant attitude and how hardworking you are. He’d often suggest books to you and vice versa. 

BrOTP - Jon Snow

NOTP - Daenerys Targaryen

Golden Girls

OTP - Dorothy. 

BrOTP - Rose

NOTP - Sophia

Hannibal

OTP - Will Graham.

BrOTP - Alana Bloom.

NOTP -  Jack Crawford

Harry Potter

OTP - Severus Snape. Your mind, skill set and attitude would all appeal to him very much.

BrOTP - Luna Lovegood

NOTP - Ron Weasley

Inglourious Basterds

OTP - Hugo Stiglitz

BrOTP - Donny Donowitz

NOTP - Aldo Raine

John Wick

OTP - John Wick

BrOTP - Marcus

NOTP - Winston

Jurassic Park franchise

OTP - Dr. Ian Malcolm

BrOTP - Dr. Ellie Sattler

NOTP - Dr. Sarah Harding

Kingsman

OTP - Merlin

BrOTP - Harry Hart / Galahad

NOTP - Jack Daniels / Whiskey

Legend of Korra

OTP - Mako

BrOTP - Asami Sato

NOTP - Tahno

Marvel 

OTP - Bucky Barnes

BrOTP - Loki

NOTP - Natasha Romanoff

Mayans MC

OTP - Ezekiel “EZ” Reyes.

BrOTP - Johnny “Coco” Cruz

NOTP - Emily Thomas-Galindo

NCIS

OTP - Timothy McGee

BrOTP - Abby Sciuto

NOTP - Tony DiNozzo

New Girl

OTP - Nick Miller

BrOTP - Winston Saint-Marie Schmidt

NOTP - Julia Cleary

Once Upon A Time

OTP - Killian Jones / Captain Hook

BrOTP - Regina Mills

NOTP - Mary Margaret Blanchard / Snow White

Parks and Recreation

OTP - Ben Wyatt

BrOTP - April Ludgate

NOTP - Jean Ralphio Saperstein

Peaky Blinders

OTP - Tommy Shelby

BrOTP - Alfie Solomons

NOTP - Ada Thorne

Pokemon

OTP - Brock

BrOTP - Bulbasaur Ash Ketchum

NOTP - Jessie

Rick and Morty

OTP - Rick Sanchez

BrOTP - Beth Smith

NOTP - Jerry Smith. 

Schitt’s Creek

OTP - David Rose

BrOTP - Ronnie Lee

NOTP - Moira Rose

Sherlock (BBC)

OTP - Sherlock Holmes. He'd adore your mind and find your skill set useful. Sherlock would love your defiance of authority and ambition. Though you'd butt heads every now and then ultimately your differences would make you an even better match. You'd both bring out each other's emotions more and understand each other better than anyone else ever could.

BrOTP - Mycroft Holmes. I know, very surprising. But like with Sherlock there’s a lot in common and a lot different. So you’d frequently argue But in the end you’d have the common goal of looking out for Sherlock to make you both closer.

NOTP - Jim Moriarty.

Sons of Anarchy

OTP - Jackson “Jax” Teller.

BrOTP - Bobby Munson

NOTP - Tara Knowles

Star Wars Prequels

OTP - Obi-Wan Kenobi

BrOTP - Qui-Gon Jinn

NOTP - Anakin Skywalker

Star Wars Original Trilogy

OTP - Luke Skywalker

BrOTP - R2D2

NOTP - Han Solo

Stranger Things

OTP - Jim Hopper. I think Hopper would admire you for testing people so thoroughly to see if you can trust them. And he’d really love how loyal you are to the people you do trust.

BrOTP - Alexei. Here me out, the two of you seem to have a bit in common. First and foremost your intelligence. And I think you’d make Hopper quit being such an ass to Alexei.

NOTP - Nancy Wheeler

Supernatural

OTP - Sam Winchester. Okay I can just see you researching together. Staying up all night in the Bunker’s library poring over every single book.

BrOTP - Charlie Bradbury. Do I need to say anything more than nerd power?

NOTP - Mary Winchester.

Teen Wolf

OTP - Chris Argent

BrOTP - Stiles Stilinski

NOTP - Lydia Martin

That 70’s Show

OTP - Eric Forman.

BrOTP - Donna Pinciotti

NOTP - Jackie Burkhardt

The Expendables

OTP - Lee Christmas

BrOTP - Barney Ross

NOTP - Mr. Church

The Hobbit

OTP - Thorin Oakenshield. Thorin would admire your wide skill set and your ambition to learn how to do so many things. He'd adore your loyalty and knack for diplomacy. 

BrOTP - Fili Durin.

NOTP - Thranduil

The Lord of the Rings

OTP - Faramir. 

BrOTP - Samwise Gamgee

NOTP - Denethor

The Vampire Diaries & The Originals

OTP - Elijah Mikaelson. I think that Elijah would adore your intelligence and would encourage your interests and hobbies. If you want to know anything about history? He'd be more than happy to discuss his own experiences with you. He'd often get your opinion on a course of action before doing it, due to your with and ability of predicting the possible outcomes. He'd love your original, no pun intended, point of view. And though he loves your tenacity, your ambition, your idealistic nature and your loyalty, sometimes it can frustrate him when he thinks certain people who have your loyalty don't deserve it. Or at least not at the intensity that you give it. 

First Fight - Your first fight would probably have to do with your friendship and loyalty towards Klaus. While sometimes he admires it, he often wishes that you weren’t so loyal to his brother. Thinking he isn’t always deserving of it. Afterwards you’d both go in different rooms to brood until ready to make up.

BrOTP - Niklaus Mikaelson. Klaus would admire your intelligence, ambition, hard working and even defiant attitude. Your skills and ability to think differently from everyone else. He would also come to you for advice though he wouldn’t always adhere it. Though what Klaus would love most of all is your loyalty. Especially after he made it through all your tests and found himself on the receiving end of your loyalty. And he would feel guilty when your loyalty and friendship with him would cause a rift in your relationship with his brother. 

NOTP - Damon Salvatore. Damon is impulsive and has his own way of testing the loyalty  of those around him. Though his form of testing is more of him doing things that makes them less loyal and trusting of him. He’d probably end up trying to test and strain your loyalty towards Elijah and Klaus. Which would infuriate you. And he would fail which would infuriate him.

The Walking Dead

OTP - Negan.

BrOTP - Carl Grimes. In an AU where Rick’s Group became saviors instead of finding Alexandria. I think Carl would have become Negna’s protege and may have even softened him up.

NOTP - Rick Grimes.

The Witcher (show)

OTP - Geralt of Rivia

BrOTP - Yennefer of Vengerberg

NOTP - Queen Calanthe

True Blood

OTP - Eric Northman

BrOTP - Bill Compton

NOTP - Sam Merlotte

Vikings

OTP - Ragnar Lothbrok

BrOTP - Ivar the Boneless

NOTP - Björn Ironside

WWE (kayfabe personas)

OTP - Roman Reigns

BrOTP - Finn Balor

NOTP - Chris Jericho

[him-e]

Honestly some of the “Why Kylo when FINN” arguments just sound like people not even paying attention to Finn or his canon story—not to mention Kylo’s story—but just using him as a vehicle to whine about the fact that Kylo wasn’t either the cool dark side villain OR the good Skywalker legacy that they wanted. Because it’s not even a critique of Finn’s arc in a “Here’s how it could’ve been better/what I personally wanted” way, it’s flipping the board because Finn isn’t Kylo

Have you ever heard anyone say “Why Finn when KYLO”? 

No, because that would be fucking stupid. These two characters are NOT interchangeable. They’re both lost boys who were abducted by evil and they both illustrate the point that evil—the dark side, the First Order—is never going to win because it wants to dehumanize people, so it never has real supporters, only slaves, and slavers; and at the end of the day, people will react against this dehumanization, because humanity always wins. 

But they illustrate this point in wildly different ways: Finn completely skipped the conflicted part, and went straight to choosing the right thing. He escapes the first order in the first half of the first movie, and his arc is about finding an identity and a new cause to believe in. Whatever crime he might have committed for the FO, if any, is never mentioned nor it is part of his narrative, because he doesn’t need that burden. That’s Kylo’s story. He is the one struggling with evil, he’s the one who had actual—if partial—agency and responsibility in the crimes he committed, he’s the one who arguably made a *choice* to join the dark side/an evil organization (as opposed to being abducted and brainwashed); and even if that choice is complicated by a series of factors (his being a problematic child, not feeling welcomed by his parents; his exceptional force sensitivity making him, like every male Skywalker, particularly sensitive to the dark side, Luke literally attacking him in the middle of the night, Snoke whispering in his ear and then emotionally and physically abusing him to break his will—see Snoke’s comic for receipts), he is the one who actually needs to process that choice and atone for it.

“why kylo when FINN” [could’ve had the redemption arc of the trilogy]? I’ve seen a lot of antis express this sentiment, but not a single soul criticize the fact that Finn’s turning point happens in the first 10 minutes of the story, that he’s never shown committing ANY crime he would need redemption from, that whatever happened during his time as a FO soldier doesn’t seem to have left permanent marks on his psyche whatsoever, or that he gets to effortlessly win the sympathy and loyalty of the female heroine in the first half of the movie and share a series of cutie-pie adventures with her—who “already adores” him after having spent exactly 15 minutes of screentime in his presence. Lol, I distinctly remember people falling over themselves to praise the “refreshing” lack of conflict and misunderstandings between Finn and Rey in TFA. Imagine these people handling a REAL redemption arc, and laugh. They don’t actually want Finn to be the antihero who is on this trilogy’s main redemption arc, because that would involve:

establishing Finn as a villain first, possibly for two entire thirds of the trilogy

make him actually responsible and accountable for at least some of the crimes he committed under the FO

show at least SOME of those crimes on screen, and make them unpalatable

have him fail at redemption, choose wrong when he had the chance to choose right, and double down on evil at least once (because that’s what happens in every redemption arc that’s worth reading)

have the main heroine struggle to accept him, or even like him at first (and make this phase last more than 1.5 minutes, lmao)

show that redemption is HARD, and not a path you choose because the other option simply horrifies you. Make it a real dilemma.

make him suffer. No, the villain slicing your back in a fair duel while you’re fighting bravely for a good cause doesn’t count. It has to be connected to what made you a villain in the first place. Redemption hurts.

Nah, this isn’t the story they’d want for Finn. They’d hate this Finn. They’d make up excuses for why this Finn is bad rep and villainizes black people. They don’t want a redemption arc for Finn, because they aren’t willing to sacrifice his good guy privilege---simply put, all the easily likeable stuff that makes him a perfect cinnamon roll in a fluffy relationship with the heroine. They just want Lucasfilm to write more stories about him, make him the focus. Which is fair. But it’s not a redemption arc they want. They should be glad it’s Kylo who has it, because they wouldn’t be able to handle Finn having that sort of problematique complexity. They want their cake and eat it.

Last but not least, if you’re looking at the sequel trilogy through a romantic lens, Finn and Kylo embody TWO DIAMETRICALLY OPPOSITE ARCHETYPES. Finn is the childhood friend. Kylo is the tall, dark and brooding type à la Mr. Rochester, à la Phantom of the Opera. To act like fans of B not loving A is some kind of racially-motivated conspiracy theory or internalized -ism is completely bonkers. THESE CHARACTERS REPRESENT TWO DIFFERENT TROPES.

[grigori77]

Hidden Gem #7

SPARTAN

Dir./Wri. DAVID MAMET; Music. MARK ISHAM; Starring. VAL KILMER, DEREK LUKE, TIA TEXADA, KRISTEN BELL, JOHNNY MESSNER, ED O’NEILL, WILLIAM H. MACY, SAÏD TAGHMAOUI, CLARK GREGG; R.T. 106 mins; 2004, USA/Germany

WHAT IT’S ABOUT: Gunnery Sergeant Robert Scott (Kilmer) is a former Force Recon marine who spends his days evaluating candidates for Delta Force until Laura Newton (Bell), the daughter of the President of the United States, is kidnapped.  Scott is brought into the investigation team so they can utilise his unique, highly-tuned skill-set to find her and bring her home alive, but as the trail grows more twisted Scott realises something much darker and more insidious may be going on.

WHY IT’S AWESOME: Back in the early-to-mid 2000’s, Val Kilmer’s acting career went through a small renaissance – he’d been a real one-to-watch in the 80s, with impressive early showings like Top Secret! and Real Genius leading to true career-making roles in blockbusters like Top Gun and Willow, as well as the critically acclaimed and deservedly beloved Thunderheart, but the 90s (Heat notwithstanding) saw his star power wane through lacklustre crap like Batman Forever, The Saint and overly-troubled-shoot-resulting-in-serious-misfire The Island of Dr Moreau.  Then he made an impressive comeback in quirky indie thriller The Salton Sea and Shane Black’s truly awesome directorial debut Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, but this was the true clincher, an airtight conspiracy suspense thriller that really reminded us just what we saw in Val in those golden early days.  Scott is an ice-cold professional with the kind of steely calm and ruthless patience that makes him a perfect operative in any given situation, and Kilmer keeps his showier impulses tightly reined in for a performance of mesmerising focus and subtlety, effortlessly driving the film from low-key opening to ambiguous ending.  He’s deftly supported by an impressive cast – Derek Luke is likeably earnest as Scott’s decidedly green rookie partner and a pre-Veronica Mars Kristen Bell shines in a decidedly difficult role, while veterans like William H. Macy and Ed O’Neill add heavyweight gravitas to proceedings – but this is VERY MUCH Kilmer’s film, and I don’t think he’s ever been better.  He was certainly SPOILED by the material on offer – David Mamet is one of the truly GREAT creative voices in Hollywood, and this film certainly stands tall and proud amidst the top-drawer likes of The Untouchables, House of Games, Heist and his ultimate masterpiece, Glengarry Glen Ross.  Mamet injects the film with his distinctive brand of intensity and relentless drive, the breathless pace and consistently surprising multi-layered plot keeping us engaged while the visceral, robust set-pieces easily get our adrenaline pumping.  It’s also ferociously intelligent, Mamet’s edgy style adding strong flavour to precision-engineered, fully-realised characters and gloriously rich quick-fire dialogue.  A solid gold thriller from a master filmmaker then, and the perfect vehicle for the career-best performance of one of Hollywood’s most underappreciated acting talents …

[michellescanadianlitblog]

IR #4

“The Handmaid's Tale” by Margaret Atwood: “Offred is a Handmaid in the Republic of Gilead. She may leave the home of the Commander and his wife once a day to walk to food markets whose signs are now pictures instead of words because women are no longer allowed to read. She must lie on her back once a month and pray that the Commander makes her pregnant, because in an age of declining births, Offred and the other Handmaids are valued only if their ovaries are viable. Offred can remember the years before, when she lived and made love with her husband, Luke; when she played with and protected her daughter; when she had a job, money of her own, and access to knowledge. But all of that is gone now” (Goodreads)

“The Outlander” by Gil Adamson: “In 1903 Mary Boulton flees alone across the West, one heart-pounding step ahead of the law. At nineteen, she has just become a widow;and her husband's killer. As bloodhounds track her frantic race toward the mountains, she is tormented by mad visions and by the knowledge that her two ruthless brothers-in-law are in pursuit, determined to avenge their younger brother's death. Responding to little more than the primitive instinct for survival at any cost, she retreats ever deeper into the wilderness;and into the wilds of her own mind.” (Amazon)

“Station Eleven” by Emily St. John Mandel: “Set in the days of civilization's collapse, Station Eleven tells the story of a Hollywood star, his would-be savior, and a nomadic group of actors roaming the scattered outposts of the Great Lakes region, risking everything for art and humanity.” (Goodreads)

“The Marrow Thieves” by Cherie Dimaline: “Humanity has nearly destroyed its world through global warming, but now an even greater evil lurks. The indigenous people of North America are being hunted and harvested for their bone marrow, which carries the key to recovering something the rest of the population has lost: the ability to dream. In this dark world, Frenchie and his companions struggle to survive as they make their way up north to the old lands. For now, survival means staying hidden—but what they don't know is that one of them holds the secret to defeating the marrow thieves.” (Amazon)

“The Heart Goes Last” by Margaret Atwood: “Stan and Charmaine are a married couple trying to stay afloat in the midst of an economic and social collapse. Job loss has forced them to live in their car, leaving them vulnerable to roving gangs. They desperately need to turn their situation around - and fast. The Positron Project in the town of Consilience seems to be the answer to their prayers. No one is unemployed and everyone gets a comfortable, clean house to live in... for six months out of the year. On alternating months, residents of Consilience must leave their homes and function as inmates in the Positron prison system. Once their month of service in the prison is completed, they can return to their "civilian" homes. At first, this doesn't seem like too much of a sacrifice to make in order to have a roof over one's head and food to eat. But when Charmaine becomes romantically involved with the man who lives in their house during the months when she and Stan are in the prison, a series of troubling events unfolds, putting Stan's life in danger. With each passing day, Positron looks less like a prayer answered and more like a chilling prophecy fulfilled.” (Goodreads)

“Fifteen Dogs” by André Alexis: “And so it begins: a bet between the gods Hermes and Apollo leads them to grant human consciousness and language to a group of dogs overnighting at a Toronto vet­erinary clinic. Suddenly capable of more complex thought, the pack is torn between those who resist the new ways of thinking, preferring the old 'dog' ways, and those who embrace the change. The gods watch from above as the dogs venture into their newly unfamiliar world, as they become divided among themselves, as each struggles with new thoughts and feelings. Wily Benjy moves from home to home, Prince becomes a poet, and Majnoun forges a relationship with a kind couple that stops even the Fates in their tracks.” (Goodreads)

“No Great Mischief” by Alistair MacLeod : “Generations after their forebears went into exile, the MacDonalds still face seemingly unmitigated hardships and cruelties of life. Alexander, orphaned as a child by a horrific tragedy, has nevertheless gained some success in the world. Even his older brother, Calum, a nearly destitute alcoholic living on Toronto's skid row, has been scarred by another tragedy. But, like all his clansman, Alexander is sustained by a family history that seems to run through his veins. And through these lovingly recounted stories-wildly comic or heartbreakingly tragic-we discover the hope against hope upon which every family must sometimes rely.” (Amazon)

“Days” by André Alexis: “Botanist Alfred Homer, ever hopeful and constantly surprised, is invited on a road trip by his parents’ friend, Professor Morgan Bruno, who wants company as he tries to unearth the story of the mysterious poet John Skennen. But this is no ordinary road trip. Alfred and the Professor encounter towns where Black residents speak only in sign language and towns that hold Indigenous Parades; it is a land of house burnings, werewolves, and witches.” (Amazon)

“The Saturday Night Ghost Club” by Craig Davidson: “Growing up in 1980s Niagara Falls--a seedy but magical, slightly haunted place--Jake Baker spends most of his time with his uncle Calvin, a kind but eccentric enthusiast of occult artifacts and conspiracy theories. The summer Jake turns twelve, he befriends a pair of siblings new to town, and so Calvin decides to initiate them all into the "Saturday Night Ghost Club." But as the summer goes on, what begins as a seemingly lighthearted project may ultimately uncover more than any of its members had imagined.” (Goodreads)

“The Killing Circle” by Andrew Pyper: “Patrick Rush is a single father, unhappy with his career, devoted to his young son but haunted by the loss of his wife, when he joins a local writing group. In the candlelit studio where the circle meets, he finds one writer's work far more powerful than the others--a young woman named Angela, who writes about a girl stalked by a killer named the Sandman. But Angela's stories may be more autobiography than tall tale: soon the members of the group are being hunted by a shadowy figure resembling the Sandman, and the line between fiction and real life beings to dissolve. When his own son is taken, Patrick is forced to chase down the Sandman for himself and to discover the ending to his own terrifying story.” (Amazon)

[tiefighters]

Ken Liu  Discusses “The Legends of Luke Skywalker” Book

For a generation in the galaxy far, far away, and for several generations here on Earth, Luke Skywalker is a character of legendary proportion: a Jedi in a time without the Jedi, the hero who saved the galaxy with his friends and his Force abilities. And just as Luke’s disappearance in his galaxy opened up a lot of speculation as to where he went and what he has been doing from the people who knew him, fans around the world also have been wondering what he’s been doing in the years after Return of the Jedi and before his appearance on Ahch-To. Filling in those gaps from a certain point of view is the newly released book The Legends of Luke Skywalker, written by the Nebula, Hugo, & Ken Liu. 

This middle grade novel is published by Disney-Lucasfilm Press as part of the Journey to Star Wars: The Last Jedi publishing program. StarWars.com caught up with the legendary Ken Liu, and he shared his insight into his book, the character of Luke Skywalker, and the nature of larger-than-life stories.

StarWars.com: The Legends of Luke Skywalker introduces six different tales about Luke Skywalker, passed along from one being to the next, and shared among the crew of a freighter bound for Canto Bight. What is it about Luke Skywalker that makes him more than just a hero, but a figure of legend?

Ken Liu: Just listen to his name! How can you possibly not be a figure of legend when your name is larger-than-life?

Fantasy logic aside, Luke is the perfect mythic figure onto which we in the audience are free to project our hopes and fears. In the films, he walks a fine narrative line between destiny and free choice, and that is the narrow ledge on which all of us struggle as we construct and invent the plot of our own lives. It’s human nature to yearn for our actions both to be born of our own agency and to have meaning in a grand design, and that yearning is the rich soil in which legends and myths flourish.

In our world, as the deeds of famous men and women are distorted, simplified, and exaggerated into bare, impressionistic outlines, we fill them in with vivid colors according to our own understanding of the human condition and our own needs for the right story. The same person may be seen as hero or villain, as martyr or hypocrite, depending on who is doing the seeing and what colors are in their Crayola box.

As it is in our universe, so it is in the galaxy far, far away.

StarWars.com: How does the telling and retelling of a tale change the nature of a story, and how does that play out in your book?

Ken Liu: It’s worth recalling that the Star Wars we’ve come to know and love isn’t a single vision, but a collection of different visions in time and place.

Most fans will remember that Lucas himself said that the theatrical releases of the original trilogy were only [a fraction of his original vision]. He had a chance to create the Special Edition versions of the films later, which could be viewed as a re-telling of the story of the original trilogy.

Lucas certainly had an opinion on which version was definitive, but that isn’t necessarily the final word in fandom. There have been so many think pieces about the changes that I need not add to the heat and noise, but I do think that as Star Wars fans, understanding that stories change with each retelling comes to us as second nature.

I’ll use myself as an example. My initial exposure to the Star Wars saga came not from the films at all, but from the Chinese translation of the novelization of The Empire Strikes Back, which was the first science fiction fantasy novel I ever read. Back then, as a kid in China, I didn’t have access to the films, and so I had to flesh out the descriptions on the page with my own imagination. Thus, later, when I finally got to the see the films (and in a different language than the translation I had read), I had the perhaps uncommon experience of seeing the original as a kind of “re-telling” of a story I already loved in a very different form.

Perhaps this isn’t as unusual as it sounds. Today, many fans new to Star Wars see the original trilogy only after they already know the story in detail and can even quote famous lines from it. So, like any other classic that has become part of the fabric of our culture (e.g., Hamlet or Romeo and Juliet), new fans only get to experience the original as a kind of re-telling.

Bonus digression: check out this collection of Star Wars posters from around the world to see how the story is transformed in each poster’s “re-telling.”

The point isn’t to argue over which version of the story is more “definitive” or “truer” — I find it far more interesting to think about how stories change as they’re re-told and re-understood. In fact, even viewing the exact same film a second time when we’re 48 will give us very different feelings and reflections as compared to our first viewing when we were eight — it’s a re-telling in which the story changes because the listener has changed.

I love thinking about how different versions of the same story help to illuminate the fact that the storyteller is inseparable from the story and also from the audience.

This dynamic plays out multiple times in Legends as the same events are recounted by different narrators and as Luke himself is refracted into a multitude of Lukes. Every storyteller has an agenda, as does every listener. In that narrative instability we discover the grandness and richness of the Star Wars universe itself — a galaxy with only one story is not a galaxy I want to live in.

StarWars.com: The main legends all involve a supposed first-hand encounter with Luke Skywalker from some rather unique narrators: a conspiracy theorist, an Imperial serving at the Battle of Jakku, a construction droid reprogrammed into being a mine overseer, and more. How did you create these characters and inform their points of view?

Ken Liu: One of the things about Star Wars that has impressed me the most is the lived-in feeling of the universe: scuffed armor, scorched hulls, jury-rigged engines. Every object has a history behind it, and every character has a backstory.

I wanted to write a book that honors that aspect of Star Wars. The galaxy is a large place, and it needs to feel that way. I worked hard to construct distinct points of view that were interesting to me and also hinted at the full spectrum of disagreements and opinions. Then I dug deep in research to flesh out their backstories to build solid foundations for how they’d come to hold the views of Luke that they did. It was such a joy to delve deeply into a universe I’ve loved all my life and to bring to life characters I wanted to get to know.

Without giving away spoilers, I do want to caution the reader against assuming that any of the Luke-like figures they encounter in the book is in fact Luke Skywalker. Sometimes we retell legends not just by recounting the stories, but by emulating their heroes.

StarWars.com: What opportunities and challenges are there to creating not just one but a whole series of different stories that fit into the realm of tall tales, campfire stories, or urban legends within Star Wars?

Ken Liu: Writing a series of stories linked together by a framing story poses a special challenge in that I believe in a book like this, the sum must be greater than the parts. I had to make sure that the different levels of narration and the disparate stories work together as a whole to tell a grander myth about Luke that the individual stories cannot. I had to do a great deal of planning, sequencing, and careful adjustment of the individual tales to make this meta-narrative work.

And of course, writing a book like this is just plain fun. Because the narrators are assumed to be unreliable (but are they really?), I can do all sorts of things that would not be possible otherwise. I could question consensus and pose outrageous speculation. It gave me a chance to explore how legends and myths can grow around a kernel of facts in one of the richest narrative universes ever created by the human imagination.

StarWars.com: Who are some of your favorite characters in this book and what makes them stand out for you?

Ken Liu: I love Redy, the conspiracy theorist. She dedicates her considerable intellectual powers to motivated reasoning to defend a story that fits her worldview. While the reader is free to dismiss Redy, I think we all have a bit of Redy in us — it’s just much harder know when the inner Redy is spinning her tales.

I also love Aya-Glon, a girl from a world covered in water. She and a mysterious visitor to her world challenge each other’s deepest held beliefs while also learning from each other. Some of my most cherished friendships have been like that.

StarWars.com: You also recently wrote “The Sith of Datawork” in the New York Times-bestselling From a Certain Point of View anthology. What made you want to explore the bureaucratic side of the Imperial Navy?

Ken Liu: As a law student, I had a particular interest in administrative law, and after that I worked for years as a corporate lawyer, having to deal with the government often. Bureaucracy, as a technology of organization and collective decision-making, is one of the crown jewels of human intellect.

I simply could not resist the chance of portraying the Imperial bureaucracy at work and the exciting stories hidden behind the stacks of datapads being pushed around.

StarWars.com: How does writing Star Wars compare to writing your own fiction? For readers who enjoy your style in The Legends of Luke Skywalker, what other of your works would you recommend?

Ken Liu: With my own fiction, I get to make all the decisions, but I do have to create everything out of my imagination. There are no reference books or experts to consult, and I’m always forging into terra incognita. It is exhilarating to work that way, but can also be very lonely.

With Star Wars, I’m working in a beloved universe that has been built up over the years by many legendary creators, and to be able to stand on their shoulders and participate in this joint storytelling effort is a dream come true. Moreover, I’m celebrating my love for Star Wars with hundreds of millions of fans around the world. It’s also a thrilling experience, but feels a bit like exercising different creative muscles.

If readers enjoy my work in Legends, they may also like my silkpunk epic fantasy series, “The Dandelion Dynasty” (The Grace of Kings and The Wall of Storms), which also plays with the idea of legendary history, fantastical machines, and magical creatures. They may also want to check out my collection, The Paper Menagerie and Other Stories, which features short fiction in a variety of genres like hard sci-fi, magic realism, cyberpunk noir, and near-future thriller.

StarWars.com: What do Luke Skywalker and Star Wars mean to you?

Ken Liu: Star Wars may be the closest thing we have to a modern mythology. Its characters, images, vehicles, ideas, and magic have become a language of metaphors that we invoke in discussing everything from politics to baseball. As new stories are told in the Star Wars universe, the mythology grows and expands to better reflect our society and to comment upon our strides into the unknown future.

Just as Luke grows as a hero in his journey, I’ve also grown as a writer and as a human being in the years since I first met him. With this book, I hope that fans of Star Wars of all ages and backgrounds can come to appreciate the many facets of Luke, and I’m especially looking forward to introducing my daughters to this grand saga.

The Legends of Luke Skywalker is available in hardcover and as an ebook from Disney-Lucasfilm Press, with illustrations by J. G. Jones and as an audiobook narrated by January LaVoy from Penguin Random House Audio.

[esandcasg]

Big A’s ranking of Star Wars films

The list that nobody asked for.

I’m not going to spend a great deal of time on this, and I haven’t seen Solo. I’m not going to include either of the Ewok films of which I’m sure I saw one in the cinema. I will include Rogue 1 as I have seen this.

10. Rise of Skywalker

Clearly the worst, because it fails on every level. And by every level I mean two principle, stand-alone levels. It’s neither a good star wars film or a good film generally. It’s awfully paced, poorly-written, exposition-heavy, constantly referencing itself and other star wars films and does nothing to develop any of the characters. There are gripes about it that really are complaints about the trilogy in general, so I can’t really level them all on this film. But it was really bad.

9. The Last Jedi

I’m almost reluctant to put this here as I’ve done a great deal of theraputic work to remove the film from my memory, and really I need to re-watch all of them to be fair. I can’t remember much about my reaction to this film other than anger. I understand the director was trying to do something different with Star Wars. But he failed to do something good. Or something coherent, even. Again, I just don’t care about the characters here. Lots of things happen but we’re left in the same place we started. The humour is completely out of sync with the tone of the films. It was just a mess.

8. Revenge of the Sith

The thing that gets me about this film is that it feels as if we get about halfway through and then George Lucas realises he’s now got to connect it to a New Hope, thinks ‘Shit’ and then tries desperately to tie everything together. And it doesn’t work. Anakin’s fall to the dark side is awfully rushed and doesn’t make sense – read the Maddox post for a succinct summary – and neither does Yoda’s lack of foresight in seeing the vast conspiracy unfolding. The dialogue is obviously bad in all three prequels, but the plotting in this one makes it worse. The Palpatine vs Yoda fight is also a massive letdown.

7. Attack of the Clones

This might have been higher on the list had I not caught a glimpse of it recently. It’s bad. The dialogue is the problem, really, although that stupid bit where Padme falls from the ship, is lying prone on the ground, then a clonetrooper comes along and goes ‘are you ok?’ and she just says ‘yep’ and gets back up; that sticks in the craw a little. Anakin is whiney and it’s difficult to either care about his torment or believe he’s going to credibly turn into Vader.

6. Rogue One

This, Phantom Menace and TFA were hard to place. Ultimately they share the same problem, but PM and TFA have a slight advantage numerically. The problem in all three is the characters.

I absolutely, resolutely and fundamentally do not give a shit about the characters in Rogue 1. Sure, Vader is there, and Tarkin and Leia. Tarkin and Leia are just fanboy inserts though, and are jarring with the use of CGI. All the main characters are all going to die, so they therefore need to be brilliantly written. And the best I can say is it’s okay. I thought it fit well into the universe but ultimately had the same problem that put me off watching Solo – I don’t care about the backstory.

No-one ever watched a New Hope and wondered about how they got the plans. I refuse to believe they did. So they’ve made a film about backstory and all that does is undermine A New Hope. I remember the bit at the end where Vader sees that ship leave with Leia and the plans on. And then in A New Hope Leia says ‘Nah mate, we’re on a diplomatic mission’. But Vader has just seen the ship leave. So why is she trying to lie to him, and why doesn’t he say ‘I know you’ve got those pissing plans on board, I just saw you take off’?

The main character is shit as well.

5. Phantom Menace

I may watch this film in full again and feel compelled to whack it down the list again. Who knows. I know the dialogue is poor. I know Jar Jar Binks is annoying. But the balance is right here, tonally, and they haven’t just filled the film with loads of Jedi stuff as became the case in the rest of the prequels and with the sequels. I still don’t think it’s good. I think it’s a bit naff. But it’s not got loads of call-backs to what happened before, Darth Maul is obviously tearing, and Neeson is good as well. I think if Lucas had handed this story to a decent writer it could have made a good film.

4. The Force Awakens

I re-read my second viewing appraisal of this mofo and as a result it’s the fourth on the list. In summary I thought it started really well and then gradually got shit. Too much exposition, some wooden acting, some inexplicable decisions, underuse of Luke, awful exchanges between Han and Leia, Han’s pointless death etc etc. I’ve said this all before. But Han and Chewie coming back in is glorious. I really don’t like Maz Kanata in any of the sequels.

3. A New Hope

We’re into what I would class as the only good Star Wars films now; the original trilogy. I have probably seen this one too many times for it to be higher on the list. Suffice it to say it is ace. I would almost have all three as a dead-heat because they all provide very different experiences. One of the best things about this one (and to a very slightly lesser extent, the other two) is the lack of trying to be a Star Wars film. But ultimately the relationship between Luke, Leia and Han is the backbone of this film. It’s a fairly conventional story for the most part but really well told within a sci-fi context. I love it.

2. Return of the Jedi

I know it gets slated for the Ewoks – who I genuinely don’t mind, and they’re certainly more rounded characters than most of those in the sequel trilogy – but this overlooks the whole journey Luke goes through which is genuinely compelling. From the conversation with Leia in the Ewok village, right through to when Vader dies, the writing is economical, emotionally impactful and really gripping. I know the Ewok-based fight is really just a bit of light-hearted silliness, and the attack on the Death Star just something else to go on at the same time, but Luke’s development in this film is brilliant. Right from the start when he comes to rescue Han you can see how he’s changed from the first film (compare this to Rey, essentially the same character, just slightly less earnest). And Yoda dying is emotionally impactful too. The ending, with the party at the village, Luke seeing the force ghosts, is perfect too.

1. Empire Strikes Back

I mean, I doubt I can add anything meaningful here. A really brave move to end the film where is did. Harrison Ford is superb as Solo. Luke’s journey is really good. And the lightsabre fight between Vader and Luke is I think the best in the series. That bit where Luke is in the corridor and all of a sudden Vader comes out fighting – Vader looks about 15 feet tall in that bit.

Fin

[getseriouser]

20 THOUGHTS: Calombaris back pay

FIVE games to go. If the AFL home and away season had a ‘clocktower’ moment, then this is it 

You’d need to be near abouts now if you’re to make your run, if not then you’re out of the running.

But if you are close, and have got a bit going right for you, you’re a bang-on chance to be amongst the contenders when the whips are cracking.

A bonafide premiership favourite will emerge from this round – it’s time to get serious.

  1.       So here’s where its tricky. Let’s look at the top teams quickly:

·         Geelong have lost three of their last five, those losses to teams outside the eight

·         Brisbane outside of their win to the GWS haven’t beaten a top eight team since Round One, aside from a one-point win over eighth-placed Adelaide

·         West Coast barely beat Melbourne and Hawthorn and lost to a spluttering Collingwood in Perth

·         The Pies looked a mess against the Giants and have bad losses to North and Hawthorn not too far back

·         Before this weekend where they defeated ninth, aside from the GWS win two weeks back the Tigers are 3-3 in their last six and the other two wins were against 18th and 14th

·         The Giants looked good last weekend but had lost their last three games, all to top eight teams

Point being – anyone of the top six has holes in their credentials. All six are good enough to turn this around and mount an insurmountable charge, but if a couple of these faded off into the wilderness, out in straight sets, wouldn’t shock me in the slightest. Dead set open for anyone this year.

2.       Now Essendon though, different story. Won four of their last five, six of their least seven, and beaten two top eight teams the last month. In actual good form unlike the teams above them and have the Suns, Power and Dogs all in Melbourne the next three. Look out.

3.       Right now, ignoring betting prices, I’d much rather bet on Essendon to win the flag than Brisbane. Not even close.

4.       Six teams have played nine games against the current top eight. A further nine have played seven or eight. Two however have played just the five – Carlton and Brisbane.

5.       That all being said, whoever wins Friday wins the flag, and right now with Richmond favourites they remain the tip. The Tigers win, they will finish in the top four, and either get Geelong week one, and win get a home prelim, or lose, win week two, and get Geelong in an MCG prelim. Conversely, if the Pies can get up, beat West Coast in Perth and Richmond in Melbourne within 14 days, then they regain worth, the same logic would apply. Simple.

6.       Those Pies last week, sure, but look at that Giants forwardline. When the Pies’ midfield turned up its toes, there’s three forwards for GWS over 6”4 and a resting ruckman too, yet Collingwood selected Jordan Roughead and some mediums. There’s your definition of a field day.

7.       Last one on the Pies – Robbo went pretty hard on the stats for Mason Cox’s demise and all that. He is a long way off the form from last year’s prelim, no doubt, but its only one round prior where he took more marks than Tom Lynch and kicked the same amount of goals, yet a week later Cox should be deported and Lynch is Royce Hart? Stats can be funny at times, Robbo though is always comedic.

8.       Speak of tall forwards, not quite Franklin and Roughead but I like the look of Mitchell Lewis next to Tim O’Brien for the Hawks’ fans. Lewis has wonderful forward craft for a youngster, who too is a lovely size, and O’Brien has as good a set of hands for one clunk marking in the comp. Bit of continuity playing together and there’s your ten-year forward line Hawthorn. Very nice.

9.       That free kick paid to give Brisbane another win they just didn’t need, my Lord. I know, its only one decision and Leigh Fisher, ex-Saint, was the one that paid it and he is usually pretty good. But for a club getting the rub of the green everywhere, gee, have you seen a more false record than the Lions right now?

10.   Brett Ratten opened the Saints gameplan up nicely and I don’t think that win was purely down to the ‘first week up-Caretaker coach’ thing. He made some subtle changes and it looked a treat. Just need to polish a few more things, get fitter as a list, and they can be top eight in no time. Lock Ratts in for next year at Moorabbin.

11.   Speaking of the Saints, reckon Hunter Clark becomes the kind of Shannon Hurn, Luke Hodge, style renowned backline general who is not just skilled and effective but presence alone only boosts the St Kilda back six a few extra percent. Got a huge career ahead that kid.

12.   And after this column what, two weeks ago, before Richo got the arse maybe, foreshadowed that if Freo and Ross are no longer, for reasons of their own accord, maybe just maybe its Lyon 2.0 down at Moorabbin? And then old mate Caro, fresh from a sojourn in the south of France wants to borrow from the Get Serious conspiracy theory trash can and run it as serious news on 3AW? Wilson. Get the bloody hell serious, won’t you?

13.   Gold Coast currently 3-14. Last five games to round out the year: Dons, Pies, Lions, Hawks in Tassie and Giants. That’s got 3-19 written all over it. Now in their first and second years when they had all those kids, were horrendous and getting smashed most weeks, even those sides managed to win three games in each of those years.  So for this to be their equal worst season, equal with two different years in which those sides had legitimate excuses, is phenomenal.

14.   EJ Whitten Legends game, moved around of late but is usually a late August piece. This year, back to Melbourne after a year in Adelaide, but is penciled in for AAMI Park, not Marvel. They’re going down the AFLX route. For shame.

15.   Some non-footy to finish – Mack Horton, gee that’s gutsy. Say what you like about sportsmanship and I get that, I do, but the fact this Chinese guy sneakily served a suspension a couple years ago and has a pending appeal, against him, by WADA for getting off a charge last year, I don’t blame Horton for making a stand one bit. Big target on his back but sometimes we need people like him. I rate it. Mack Horton – a definite Buy.

16.   But how about little Ariarne Titmus. The teenager from Launceston who took down Katie Ledecky who is in the conversation for greatest female American swimmer of all time, such is her aura. Ledecky is only 22 and has won five Olympic golds and 14 World Champs golds. Yet the 18-year-old from Tassie swam that last 50 like it was Australia Day at your mate’s Triple J party and swallowed in the champ whole. What a legend, remember her name won’t you?

17.   Cricket Australia – what?! Haddin XII vs. Hick XII, Australia vs. Australia A, and not even a stream for me and my mates to grab a couple cold Asahi’s on a winter’s evening and settle in? The greatest intra club ever thought of and I have to follow it on tweets from Peter Lalor? Madness..

18.   Gotta hand it to New Zealand. Won the Netball World Cup, a couple weeks after basically winning the Cricket World Cup. Holds the Women’s Rugby World Cup title and in three months when the Mens’ Rugby World Cup kicks off you can see where that one is going too. This is a nation with a population smaller than Sydney. Props to those Kiwis I say.

19.   Belinda Sharpe, first female NRL referee last round, nice on by her. AFL has had a couple games umpired by the ladies as well but cricket, why has there not yet been a female umpire a men’s match? Seems the first place it could have happened. Cricket, work that out please!

20.   And my new favourite team – Western United in the A-League. Have assembled a decent squad actually for their first campaign starting this October, but the comedy that is their stadium continues. Based out of Geelong and Ballarat temporarily as they build their “100% privately funded stadium” out the back of outer-west Tarneit, their ambitions are as lofty as the ignorance and corporate incompetence of the FFA who awarded them a license.

 The update though this week was gold, as it is “is set to be funded by the proceeds of nearby residential property projects, including in some high-density areas, and underpinned by a commercial zone.” This is an area currently kilometres from the nearest real estate mind you.

 Also it’s noted that “A nearby railway station is also planned, with a town centre ‘potentially’ being developed by the council. Investors could emerge with ownership of assets worth tens or hundreds of millions more than their initial outlay. It could make annual profits and investors could later sell their stakes for capital gains.” I know El Chapo has been locked up again, but he would just love this sorta stuff the ol’ Tiger, what a humorous little tale this is developing into. It’ll never happen.

[arielsojourner]

Part 7 of Luke and Vader save the Galaxy by Time traveling and Being Awesome during the Clone Wars: Now with actual dialogue and plot and drama. How did that get in here? I wasn’t going to write this. I wasn’t. This was supposed to be crack. 

-Before she leaves to travel to the 104th with Master Plo, Ahsoka says goodbye. The other troopers wish her well. Captain Rex stutters through a professional farewell before blurting out what he really wants to ask her. Will she convince General Skywalker and all of the Jedi that Luke is right? That the clones have a right to think and live and be just like everyone else? He asks it with such fear in his eyes and in his voice that Ahsoka feels her heart clench. He is afraid of her, of the other Jedi, of what they might do, what they might undo. Ahsoka wants to reassure him that everything will be fine but she is just a Padawan. What can she do if the Order and the Council decide otherwise? But then look at what Luke has accomplished (a Sith father, clone apprentices, freed clones, conspiracies unraveled, Ventress helping, Dooku defeated, Grievous dead, reconstruction, peace …) Can she do less having seen what she has seen, learned what she has learned? With determination she meets Rex’s gaze and nods. She will fight for them, Ahsoka tells him and she is sure that Anakin will too. Overwhelmed, Rex comes to attention and salutes, wishing her a safe flight.

Hardcase promises Ahsoka the next time he sees her, he will duel her and show her how much he has learned. 

Fives says “May the Force be with you,” with such pride she cannot help but smile (he is as much a Jedi as she, Ahsoka realizes in wonderment). Chatterbox just nods at her which for him is practically verbose. 

Vader gives Shaak Ti into her custody still in binders. The troopers traveling with her take Shaak Ti aboard the shuttle. She turns to Luke and to Vader. She isn’t sure what to say. It has only been a few weeks but it feels like a lifetime, she has seen and done so much, the galaxy feels changed. Luke reaches out and clasps her forearms with his and leans forward, resting his forehead against hers. “Pass on what you have learned,” he tells her and steps back. She finds herself with her arms still outstretched for a moment, stunned by his show of physical affection, the warmth his familial touch he left behind. She has no words.

She swallows and looks toward the dark shadow always looming over Luke. Vader’s mask is as impenetrable as always, but she can feel his eyes on her. She feels the same resonance of fear from Vader that she always does when he is near and she wonders for the first time that maybe he is not afraid of her but for her. He says nothing but he inclines his head in a shocking sign of respect. She finds herself bowing back.

-When Ahsoka’s shuttle and Plo’s ship rejoin the 104th, Ahsoka wastes no time working to correct the genetic defect and ensuring that the battalion’s medics begin removing the inhibitor chips. She speaks openly with the troopers about the reconstruction efforts of the 501st and how both Dooku and Ventress are no longer at issue. She shares information of the neutral systems and the number of freed systems where their clone brothers freed from Kamino will find homes and have the choice of what they want to do with their lives. She talks about how there are Force sensitive clones that are being trained in the Jedi arts and she finds two in the 104th– Boost and a shiny named Vir. She offers to train them. She talks and talks and Master Plo and the clones listen in growing amazement. Ahsoka has changed. The galaxy has changed.

-Shaak Ti, Ahsoka confines to her quarters. Ahsoka hands Master Plo the arrest order and the charges against her and tells him she leaves it to him what to do about it. “I trust you,” she says to him. Plo looks at his troops, at the order and goes to talk to Shaak Ti.

“They cannot do this,” Shaak Ti insists when she sees the councilor. “We need the clones if we are to win the war. We have no right to make such decisions without input from the Council and the Senate. That man is not a Jedi. He works with Sith.”

Plo sits down across from her and asks her “When did the Jedi Order start to care more about obeying orders and winning wars than doing what was fundamentally right? When did we start down that path?”

“You mean you agree? You would leave me subject to such charges?”

“I would subject all of us to these charges for we are all guilty of sacrificing innocents for expedience. Better to fight with clones than with soldiers drafted from the Republic’s population, is that it? It becomes so convenient to wage war in this fashion. The cost is only ever discussed in credits,” he replies bluntly. “We are now confronted with the truth of our actions and the consequences of them. We have no more excuses.” He removes her binders. “When you are ready to help make things right, you may leave these quarters and join us.”

-Yoda wakes. He did not expect to, but he does. He was ready to embrace the Force when Master Windu left his siege to help heal him. He felt the strength of the Force pour into him like water poured onto a parched field. He sensed warmth and compassion. It is attachment he did not expect from his former Padawan. Healing between Master and Padawan is usually limited to times during training, the Master healing their student. Yoda did not expected any of his old apprentices still living to travel so far just to heal him. It speaks of fear and a lack of faith in the Force. There is no death after all. The war has obviously affected Mace. But when he opens his eyes, it is not the medic or Master Windu at his side. It is Commander Gree.

Commander Gree has had a bizarre few days. His General nearly dies and then another Jedi appears with a tall dark bodyguard to heal him before the Commander can even comm anyone. Some of the 41st thought the bodyguard may be some sort of droid, but the Jedi, Luke, treated him like a person. After healing Yoda, Luke had proceeded to do something with the Force to repair a genetic aging defect all the clones suffered from and remove the inhibitor chip that none of them had even knew was implanted in each of the clones. The medics Pip and Quin had verified both were real and both were deliberate. After clearing the entire battalion, it turned out Cooker was Force sensitive and the Jedi offered to train him. Train a clone brother to be a Jedi! Yoda is now awake and Gree has no idea how to even explain what has happened but he is the best of the best so he gives his report.

Yoda is flabbergasted. He was in shock when he read Ahsoka’s message and he wakes up and finds it is reality, that somehow this Luke and Vader have been here.

Commander Gree asks if it is true, if the war is ending and if the clones are free.

Yoda shakes his head “Unimportant that is, Commander. Pursuing a deserter, a priority it is not. Master Windu, I must speak with. Where is he?” Yoda asks, wanting to know how the other Jedi Master could have let this all happen while he was unconscious. Obviously there are serious security problems and Padawan Tano wasn’t exaggerating when she reported Vader and Luke had access codes and Republic and Jedi intelligence. How could they have such information? Yoda ponders.

Gree is not happy with being brushed off. He is a good solider, the elite of the elite of the army. He has never disobeyed an order. He has given the Republic and his Jedi commanders his all. But, the clone troopers’ universe has been turned upside down. The news of the chips and the deliberate defect and now the fact that clones can be Force sensitive is too big of news to just be called unimportant. And Cooker hasn’t deserted! He has transferred to the 501st for training. Gree won’t have a good soldier like Cooker marked as a deserter.

Usually when he thinks such thoughts, Gree hears a voice inside him reminding him that good soldiers followed orders but this time, this time, there was no such voice. He can only feel a rising disquiet inside him at the General’s words.

“Master Windu isn’t here, General,” Gree answers curtly.

“Healed me then, which Jedi? Commanding this base, which Master?”

“The young Jedi, Luke healed you. He and Vader and the other clone troopers who can use the Force, they healed everyone on the base. There have been no other Jedi here since your collapse, sir.”

-Luke liked the time that he and Vader spend in their quarters aboard ship. Vader at first was hesitant to remove his mask, but after Luke had made the adjustments to the atmospheric controls, he couldn’t deny the desire to look at Luke with his own eyes. The first time he took his mask off, Luke’s face had shone with sadness and then with care. A part of Vader wanted to look away, angry, but he shoved that feeling aside, casting his eyes over his son’s features and taking his fill. He could see his wife, himself and even his mother in Luke’s face and coloring. He stared, unable to look away even as Luke insisted on upgrading his prosthetics with ones that functioned better and hurt less. Luke had reverse engineered his own right hand to upgrade Vader’s own cybernetics. 

His son wanted to share a meal with him which wasn’t possible, but Luke insisted they share water. It reminded Vader of things he had thought long forgotten, things he had purposefully put aside when he committed to the Jedi Order. Anakin Skywalker had buried and shed as much of his rimworld ways faced with Core world sensibilities and the Order’s implacable demand for conformity, for submission of self.  Luke hadn’t forgotten though, had refused to abandon who and what he was just because he was committed to being a Jedi. Vader found it hauntingly familiar to see Luke echo some of Shmi’s mannerism and sayings passed down through Owen Lar’s wife Beru.  It filled him not with anger for what he had lost nor hate for what he had suffered, but with a profound sadness. Prior to Falling, Vader hadn’t cried over a decade.  Grief was not something to be expressed, merely released into the Force. Detachment and peace was what the Order required. Vader had not shed a tear since the desperation and anger of his Fall. Now, twenty three years later he found his face damp with salt.

-There are people Luke misses from the future. That is a given. He misses Leia’s fiery strength and certainty. If she were here, he just knew that she would have given every Jedi General a run for their money while simultaneously teaming up with Senators Padme and Bail and Duchess Satine and reforming the Republic through sheer force of will. He misses Han’s gruff kindness. He was a smuggler and an opportunist, but one only had to see Chewie by his side to know that Han would sacrifice a great many things to do what was right.  He wishes Chewie was here; he would get along so well with the clone brothers and he gave the very best hugs. 

Luke sometimes catches himself calling for Artoo to help him with something and found the astromech was just not there and Luke misses Threepio’s anxious flutter as he shuffled around arranging things for everyone else’s comfort. He misses Rogue Squadron– Wedge and the others. He wonders what their lives will be like in this new future he and his father are building. He worries sometimes at the arrogance of what they are attempting, choosing to change the entire galaxy and whether he is preventing those he loves and cares about from even existing. He realized shortly after they arrived here and were not wiped out by temporal paradoxes that he will never see them again and it hurts, it hurts like a hand was squeezing his heart inside his chest. The grief is a physical thing. It hurts to know that there was no Rebellion to return home to and even if he lives long enough to see them again, they will not be the same as the friends he loves . . . loved. 

He has pushed the pain away, focused on what he could do in the here and now. He has gotten past loss before by focusing on the next challenge, the next obstacle and he will do it again. But seeing Yoda, lying still and small in the medical quarters brought it suddenly sharply into focus again. His father was right; waiting for Yoda to wake up, to talk to him, was a futile exercise. This being was not his teacher. His teacher is lost to him and the Force told him there will be no other teacher to train him. Even with his father beside him, with the clones, and his parents and a Jedi Order alive and well, Luke cannot not shake the feeling that he is truly alone, truly the last.

-Later, much  later when Padme is in the middle of giving birth, and Senatorial guards and assassin droids and chipped commando clones are trying to break in and kill her and take her child, Obi-Wan arrives to find pitch battle being waged to protect the Senator. Leading the defense by clones wielding blasters and one clone – Fives (wielding a lightsaber!) is a massive man in a black mask. This can only be Vader. Obi-Wan doesn’t know what is going on. Reports of the firefight were all over the news and he couldn’t raise Anakin on the comms. He isn’t sure at first which side to take, he hesitates, the Force raging around him. Then Vader sees him he demands he goes and protects Padme, Anakin and the baby. “Baby? What baby?” Obi-Wan sputters over the gunfire and the crash of sabers. The credit chip drops. “Are you saying that Anakin and Padme–?!”

Vader lunges forward as ready to attack Obi-Wan as if he is the assassin and kidnapper. “You fool!” He snarls at Obi-Wan. “You blind, Code bound fool! Now is not the time!”

Obi-Wan’s thoughts are spinning. He knew Anakin harbored an un-permitted attachment for the Senator, but he was sure that Padme had more sense and that Anakin would control himself. This was beyond everything! They were in the middle of a war! Anakin would be expelled from the Jedi Order! He was the Chosen One! He couldn’t be dallying with someone! There were Sith to deal with! How could Anakin have done it? How could he have–?

The Force reaches out, picks Obi-Wan up by the throat and drags him into Vader’s grasp. “LIAR! YOU LIAR!” Vader roars into his face, shaking him like a rag doll.  “He is ‘your brother!?’ Your Chosen One!? Supposed to SAVE you?! YOU LOVE HIM?!” the Sith screams. Obi-Wan chokes in shock and disbelief under the wave of burning black rage and betrayal and the hand at his throat. Just before he thinks his throat will collapse, Obi-Wan is flung through the door behind Vader.

He crashes into the next room, staggering to his feet, his mind and soul battered and burned by Vader’s anger and pain (there is so much pain and hurt! Obi-Wan feels the ache of it down to his bones), and there Obi-Wan finds Anakin sitting on the bed, a lit lightsaber clenched in his right hand, his wife (because the Force is screaming it at him like the Sith did, this was no dalliance, this was Anakin’s wife!) cradled to his chest with his left arm, his left hand twined tightly with hers. A med droid, a clone medic – Kix-- Threepio, Artoo, and one clone trooper with two lightsabers - Hardcase- all surround Padme’s bed as she labors to bring life into the world. The room is shaking from the blaster fire just outside the door where Vader stands. There are sounds of battle and explosions from the balcony where clones and other force users– Luke and Chatterbox – fight off attackers. Obi-Wan finds he has broken a few ribs and can barely talk from the damage to his throat, but he takes one look at Anakin’s desperate, terrified face and realizes that Vader is right.

Anakin is his brother. 

Obi-Wan loves him like he loves no other living being in the galaxy. 

There is nothing more important than that.