#tearing up inside ACTUALLY
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ive gotten so emotional searching for old Captain Underpants stuff here on tumblr that last night I doodled them
like what the hell, im smiling like aN IDIOT AGAIN
#i wonder if those CU fans of the past to know that I cherish their fan works so deeply#i hope they know#I want them to know how much their captain underpants content meant to me despite them being 6 years old#tearing up inside ACTUALLY#graynide's art#mr krupp#captain underpants#man in underpants posting
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This is how I cope
#Is it clear that I haven't left the building yet?#uzudoodles#vitalazam#lsshipping#lifesteal#lifesteal fanart#lifesteal spoilers#princezam#vitalasy#starfox duo#ive had all of these in my mind for a long time now but im only just now getting to them :)#the first one is based off of that 'trying to spell georjugus' meme or whatever the original is#that scene still tears me up inside btw zam gets soooo scared when vi reacts in an unexpected way#and then hes quiet for SO. LONG. well not actually that long and what am i really to expect#hes contemplating!! hes trying to find the right words!! he cares!!! whagever bro..
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Danny feels bad for Damian. Not bad enough to stop doing what he’s doing, but still bad. He doesn’t deserve to be led on about their relationship like this.
Danny has no idea how the rich boy even noticed a nobody like him, but when Damian had asked him out to lunch, he’d jumped at the chance to have a proper meal. And when it became a repeat thing, he chose not to look a gift horse in the mouth.
Until one time Damian had clarified that he wanted it to be a date, and he froze.
His first instinct was to say no. Damian did seem like a fine person, but Danny wasn’t romantically interested in him. He should have said no, but the refusal stuck in his throat. Their meals were first time he’d felt properly full in a long while. Being a homeless runaway didn’t make for easy finances, and homeless shelters and soup kitchens weren’t aways available (especially since in Gotham, some were just fronts).
So he said yes.
He could play along. It wasn’t like dating was a declaration of anything permanent. Plenty of people dated and then broke up. And it wasn’t like he was going to drain the boy’s bank account, just… use the situation to keep himself afloat until he could find something better.
…not that the justifications make the ruse any less painful
#i saw a post where danny and jazz flirted with the batkids at their job for tips and i thought what if i made it worse >:)#not just flirting but full on accepting a date he isn’t actually interested in because he *needs* the money#and it’s not like his date even necessarily realizes that#so like one side thinks they’re genuinely dating! and then Danny is tearing himself up inside because he *knows* he’s faking it!#i picked Damian because he grew up rich so probably has the least chance of recognizing the clues to danny’s financial issues#but i suppose it could work with some of the others as long as they don’t look too closely#unrequited love#one sided love#one sided attraction#one sided dead serious#dp x dc#dpxdc#dc x dp#dcxdp#danny phantom x dc#danny phantom x dc crossover#homeless danny fenton#runaway danny fenton#is it fake dating if only one side knows it’s fake?#disfunctional relationships#this isn’t going to end well for either of them :3
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Its so frustrating when you have an OC who you know so well, so intimately that it makes it almost impossible to accurately portray them. Like this stupid idiot lives in my bones, is imprinted on my neurons and I know them at a microscopic level... so why can't I give them life in a way that portrays a sliver of their existence?
#Midoriya Toshirou the adopted son of TLWA tododeku has lived in my brain for almost a decade#I legit went a bit insane being able to portray the baby version of him in Glory bc!!!! Thats my BOY#Toshirou has existed almost as long as my decision to kill All Might in TLWA#He is always the result and the reason for Izuku's growth in that universe#I have cried actual physical tears over Toshi and his story and how I intended to end this silly AU verse of mine#I'm so so ridiculously attached to my quirkless pro hero Deku au like I cannot even describe it#its part of my damned soul and Toshi... he's the child of that story#and I'm trying to write the finale fic and getting stalled by a) getting emo bc 8 years of pent up emotions about this AU#and b) I CANT WRITE MY BOY CORRECTLY#I know him like my tongue knows the inside of my mouth and yet every action every word feels off!#UGH I can daydream this Well Planned Out Story all I want but god writing Toshi is so hard#everyone else? Fine no issues but Toshi just is not shining like I know he can#sorry Im rambling#fic: the long way around
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panel that hurt me so much I redrew it ✨
#Nevermore#Nevermore Webtoon#Webtoon#6#Some things look meh but I just had to get this out of my system#It was so sad!!!!!!#like the way I recorded it just makes me die inside#Anyway#the tears were actually kinda hard for some reason#I wish I could’ve done the one down her cheek but it just like didn’t work#Upping the saturation was so good I love the colors#And the eyes I’m always a sucker for the eyes and this time they look so good#Lenore honey it’s gonna be okayyyyyy
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I am filled with HATE and SORROW y'all know how like Nurm is my favourite character my number 1 guy out of any piexe of media ever I love him dearly which sucks cause he's pretty unpopular but whatever whatever. N I'm like "man I really want to see some new Nurm content but everything I find I've either seen before or I created ☹️" and then I. I go on tiktok and I KEEP seeing edits that start with a clip with Nurm in them and then haha surprise it's actually a Petra edit!! Cause it's ALWAYS PETRA GOD DAMN IT and I love her. I love Petra so much. She is a fabulous character but ohm y god I am tweaking. I genuinely started crying y'all I am not sane nor normal. I'm so normal about him. Oh my good god I am going insane I am 💥💥💥💥
#I envy people who's favourite characters are like. Lukas or Petra or Jesse. Y'all don't know how good you have it#At least I can confidently say I'm one of Nurm's biggest fans. You guys can't say that without a fight breaking out aha ha#HRGAHSBSJSJSNNSN#Actually losing it#Scampering about#Ignore this I'm just#ARG 💥💥💥💥#No cause I saw a post that was super funny but the screenshot used had like. Nurm's left leg in the foregriund and I started tearing up#My period is coming I can sense it there's no other explanation for this madness#Is somebody gonna match my freak? (Going genuinely feral for a guy with like 2 fans)#I don't know the term for this attachment. Cause it's not a normal person thing I'm 90% sure it's the autism#But I don't know enough about villagers to consider this a special interest and it's too long to be a hyper fixation#(even though I am very fixated and it is tearing me up inside)#This is why I tweak so bad in the tags of Nurm art sometimes I genuinely start crying g and scratching my phone like a rabbit animal#Rabid not rabbit.#minecraft story mode#mcsm#mcsm nurm#nurm mcsm#There are no emojis nor words that accurately depict my current state#I'm normal I'm normal I swear please I'm normal
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FUCK YOU VOLTRON LEGENDARY DEFENDER!!!!!!!!!!!! I SHOULD NOT BE CRYING AT DAMN NEAR MIDNIGHT CAUSE OF YOUR FAILURE OF A SHOW ASS 🖕
#ok so first I thought about allurance because a few days ago maybe even a week ago I thought of a scene where allura is crying alone in the#observatory because it’s her parents anniversary and Lance comes in she thinks she’s being not dramatic but like to her it feels weird to#get emotional over a ‘parent anniversary’ thing and Lance assures her that it’s not weird at all and that he can even relate#Alfor would make his and Melanors anniversary different every year and he’d ask allura to help him and called her his ‘luck charm’#and Lance tells her that his father wasn’t really the most outgoing in the family and often times they’d forget he’s in the room cause he’s#so quiet. and he’s not really the type to do big things for people but he loves his wife and he’s do these small things for her everyday#and especially on anniversaries every morning around 6am he’d dance with Lances mom with no music#and he tells this to Allura and they both get like emotional and homesick#more happens in the scene but then I started thinking about the designs I did for Allura and Keith’s parents#how for Allura I made it very sure that Allura (or at least my design of her) looked more like her Father than her mother and I wanted#Melanor to look almost more like Lance#and in that scene Allura cant help but to see how similar Lance is to her parents#(I also forgot to mention that Lance even with how showy he is. when it comes to someone he genuinely loves you’ll see him do small acts#like his father does) and that’s just the allurance that got me tearing up BECAUSE THEN I THOIGHT ABOUT KEITHS PARENTS#as I’ve said before I want their first meeting of them beating the ever loving shit out of each other but they fall in love#and for their designs similar to alluras parents (though I forgot to mention) I wanted Keith’s dad to have soft features and Krolia to have#masculine features (yes they have a mix of both but I digress) I’ve already thought a lot in detail about their relationship and how it#developed and I already thought about Krolia having Keith but what I just NOW thought of was Krolia leaving#I love breaking gender roles and even though Keith’s dad is a masculine man he’s very neutering#and so when Krolia has to leave He just kinda breaks down. yes he selfishly doesn’t want her to leave but also Keith’s going to never know#what it’s like to have a mother. he’s too young to ever remember Krolia and will never even meet her (coughs)#and Krolia (whos taller than him because 🖕) has to be the one to have him let go because no matter what she won’t be able to actually#protect Keith. because either she gets taken away or he does. she doesn’t belong on earth and she can’t force her son to hide. they’re lucky#enough that he appears human. (she’s holding Keith’s father head in her hands as she says this btw)#and even though he KNOWS it’s true it’s heartbreaking for him. so when Krolia moves away he can’t help but try to hold onto her as long as#she can. even asking her to stay just one more night ‘last night was my one night’ response from Krolia#but he’s desperate so he at the very least gives Krolia his one photo they have. the one with all three of them. the only photo they took.#and when she eventually leaves (this is at night btw) he just stands there tears flowing down#and when he goes inside their home he tries to settle into bed but he fails#so he shackily goes into Keiths little room and sits in the chair they have next to his bed and just cries silently to himself.
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ohh javieran … javieran post kieran’s death .., javier is a poor lonesome cowboy in america a long way from home with no more sweetheart to sit and talk with him ooohhh can anyone hear me ….
#someone on tiktok found poor lonesome cowboy in an old archival-esque book of cowboy and campfire songs and as soon as i saw this i gasped#ummm burst into tears actually ! thanks ! i’m so sad !#poor lonesome coyotito who parted from his city and who has no sweetheart to sit and talk with him ☹️#they make me miserable#i was just gonna put this in my drafts but i already have 15 drafts and i fear if i continue to put ideas in my drafts “for later’’ i will#never make another post again … so instead of setting myself up for disappointment i’m just gonna start posting like i do on twt#which is where i post every unfiltered thought i have :)#it’s MY blog and I get to make useless textposts constantly because i know im incapable of making any actual content atm#i’m hoping to draw something based off of this some day though :( i’m already having ideas#usually i sit in my mind palace and tinker with my au where kieran lives but unfortunately sometimes i must face reality and think about#javier’s loss and heartbreak in canon <//3#i need to rewatch kieran’s death cutscene and see where javier is and what he does because i’ll have to write his initial#response to grief depending on that :/#whether he’s frozen in disbelief or actively involved in the retrieval of kieran’s body (if he’s even around at all)#javier isn’t really the type to scream and sob out in pain in the moment but i do think that when he finally had a moment to himself (likely#all the way in chapter six considering how chaotic everything gets and how he’s involved in like … everything following that) (which also re#minds me that he literally goes and gets tortured in guarma immediately after losing his lover. i have to kill myslf. anyway.)#i think it probably hits him like a train and he begins to hack and throw up like the weight of grief is literally crushing his organs from#the inside out 😕 javier escuella the lover that you are sets you up for such devastating heartbreak im so sorry#idek how much i want to tag this. maybe ill pull a moss and start using my own tags for characters#rdr2#image#hero's talking to himself again#hero’s kieran#hero’s javier#hero’s javieran#just so i dont have to clog up tags 💛#i will tag#javieran#as normal though
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"we'll fix it together. okay?" and then the only time we see el fixing the diorama, she's doing it by herself while will sits at the kitchen table nudging at his breakfast
#and then MIKE goes to talk to her but NOT will. and i'm supposed to assume that he loves his sister unconditionally? sure#sorry im on a fucking tear with this rn lmao i'm just#so frustrated by this desire to make will this perfect little boy who can never do any wrong#like. i'm sorry. but if he says nice things and then doesnt follow through on them. it means he's kinda not actually nice#a lot of his shit is performative or self-serving#not all of it. bc jfc i have to 'not all men' will byers when i talk about him#but he is nowhere near on the level of kindhearted and selfless that people make him out to be#especially when compared to the way the rest of the party sticks out their necks to be kind and help people#ie. mike speaking up on el's behalf in st3. lucas constantly checking on max in st4. dustin insisting on helping eddie#like. wtf was WILL doing that makes me go 'wow he's so kind' that's right. fuckall.#like. there is a kind heart inside him. we see it early on in the show. but people are stupid to not notice how it's gotten less and less#as the show has progressed. to the point that i watch st4 and go. wait. where is that kid#like. he doesn't act on his word. he just says nice things without meaning them. or he says nice things just to get sympathy#even if he did actually screw up and needs to own up to it#god. anyway. i love canon will byers i hate fanon will byers#make him interesting and nuanced for the love of god. it's more interesting if he makes mistakes and learns from them#i say things#stranger things //
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Oooohhh the urge to yap about my ocs and the world they live in......
#is this the product of growing up lonely with one best friend for 11 years of your life so when she wasnt in school you mae up imaginary#friends and it started off as one but then steadily increased and now your 14 with an entire kingdom with a high population of around 132#and couting because you couldnt stop making ocs based on your interests or hyperfixations or literally anything else to the point where you#could scroll on insta or tt for 5 minutes and think about your little kingdom and think of a character that would fill about 50 plot holes#and this kingdom got so out of hand in your head that you decided to make religons countries languages royal families politics new laws of#physics powers and more because one day you watched avatar the last airbender and decided people could now do water manipulation and#suddenly 50% of characters now possess some sort of magical ability and they all live in a world together that somehow retains peace and#love because the actual name of the planet they live on is peace but just in the language that you made up in your mind. just a little#reminder i started this at 6-7 years old with my gacha life phase going strong which is also how i designed each and every one of my ocs btw#going back this is originally being my imaginary friends I MYSELF AM IMPLEMENTED INTO THIS STORY as it started with my old online persona#that has now become a separate character and now I am a character inside this whole lore so every day i am always thinking about this planet#i made in my head and did i mention ive my favourite genres are action mystery and fantasy??? yeah so thats a main theme#so like theres tons of fighting and betrayal outside of the planet which dives deep into character lores and the whole story line that#this planet follows and i have separated aus of if this wasnt a peaceful planet and if there was some sort of intergalactic war because yes#i am a voltron fan where influential ocs die and thinking or writing that causes me to genuinely tear but because like ive said THESE ARE MY#IMAGINARY FRIENDS they may be imaginary but ive had them for YEARS and theyve been friends with me longer than 99% of my friends so they#mean the world to me so i tend to stray away from the war aus and push that mkre towards my other fics and headcanons thag are heartbreaking#... so anyways!!!#kadens yap session#no but srsly if i were to actually talk to people about this id be shaking in my boots i could not and itd take HOURS#its just a silly world i live in thays all :3
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CAWF Tumblr simulator
🦠 Neutro-2145 Follow
B Cell hasn't worked in a while, the bacteria tastes bland…
(56 Notes)
❤️ IM1235 Follow
The neutrophils are so cool when they're saving the body! I should get them a gift to show my gratitude!
❤️ IM1235
Ok I just saw them rip out the insides of an infected cell, I don't think I can sleep tonight.
#oh my god #do they do that all the time???
(45 notes)
🧸 Dendri217 Follow
I don't think sewing lactic acid bacteria nearly everyday is good for my mental health, but it sure is fun! I need to go outside more I think
#lactic acid bacteria #my beloved #maybe I have too many of them #but you can never have too many lactic acid bacteria
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🎆 RegT59 Follow
As much as I love Helper T as a friend I wish he'd stop buying random things with our budget. He didn't even solve the Rubik's cube he bought last time, now he's buying those metal wire puzzles.
🎆 RegT59
He offered to get me something and I bought a conch shell just because it looked interesting. His bad habits are rubbing off on me.
#sigh #i should just stick to solitaire #our office is getting so cluttered
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⚪ Neutro-3033 Follow
The amount of people that don't know not all neutrophils enjoy eating bacteria or infected cells is wild. Have you tried to eat some?? It's terrible. Some of us only eat it because it's part of the job.
#i swear #its so annoying #at least the RBCS bring us stuff other than bacteria #i really wouldn't mind something less sweet
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✖️ Cross-TCell reblogged
🐦⬛ King-Killer
How do I tell my subordinates that I don't actually hate them and that I'm just strict and they need to stop being so sloppy? Believe me guys I like having you around please invite me to something I'm begging you
🐦⬛ King-Killer
That was a moment of weakness ignore that (please invite me please please please ple
🐦⬛ King-Killer
WHICH ONE OF YOU REBLOGGED THIS?? NOW ALL MY SUBORDINATES ARE CONSTANTLY BRINGING ME WITH THEM FOR LUNCH????
#its okay squad leader #we honestly just thought you'd be too busy to bother with us #so glad you actually do like us #the boys love you too
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🍸 Microfold108 Follow
What even is the point of living? If not just for the sake of a higher being we don't even know? Are they good? Are they bad? Maybe they're the nicest person in the world, maybe they're a serial killer who has murdered countless of their kind. Do they know we work only for them? Do they know how many of us love them?
🍸 Microfold108
Nevermind Dendritic cell came over with a lot of friends and he said they all enjoyed me so maybe there is more to life than that.
#i need to find an actual interest #maybe then I'll stop being so negative about everything
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🟩 HelperT31 Follow
Apparently you can just buy a house??? On Sellular?? I'm going to prank Reg T with this. It's going to be so funny, imagine I pull out a whole house right in front of the office, she'd go insane.
#nobody reblog this I can't let reg t see this #itll ruin the surprise
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🗡️ NatKiller095 Follow
Non-immune cells are literally so scary, how do you socialize everyday without getting tired or stressed out??? What do you MEAN you think us murdering cells is scarier?? At least I don't have to go around the ENTIRE body just to hand over a box of gases to someone I barely know!
✨ Eosin-9024 Follow
I agree!! How else would you relieve stress if you can't straight up explode? I would rather die than have to deal with that everyday, I'm so glad parasitic infections are rarer than bacterial and viral infections.
#non immune cells #im sorry for exploding your houses all the time but you guys genuinely terrify me
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🪩 B265 Follow
I love working on the skin! So many beautiful women up here! Way better than working for that insane idiot boss in the alimentary tract
#talking about helper T cell #he sucks so bad #wont let me live my life for just 5 minutes #i do really miss reg t tho #she was way better than helper T
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🪄 Mast92 Follow
The reason why Cellor-sun was so adamant about saving her friends despite risking her life to do so was because if she didn't she risked the Natchlor absorbing her powers and in turn causing the destruction of the whole vessel. Yes she loves her friends but she needed to take the risk, it was a big part of the plot, how do people not see that the first time they watched??
Also I hate how they forcefully gave Cellor-sun a love interest. Soma was an interesting character as Cellor-sun's new companion but they didn't have to force the love interest trope on him. I feel like the trope was so one dimensional, like two different people wrote him. The Cellor-sun I know would never instantly fall in love with someone like that! Their arc was literally 20 minutes long!!! She has high standards and yet just happened to meet someone who has all those exact standards??? Where do you find a cell that happens to be into all your interests, mesh well with your friends, and don't mind that you are a magical girl constantly risking your life for the sake of the vessel?? Soma would've been fine if he was just a friend of Cellor, he could've been her love interest, just stretch it out realistically. He has interesting powers that interact well with the rest of the cast, I really just wish his arc with Cellor would've been written better. Whoever wrote that needs to post a public apology right now.
#cellor-sun against the univessel #cellor-sun #soma-san catu #i could've written it better for real #catu
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#actually tags from me now#it took me like an hour to make up fictional lore for mast cell's post#was slightly tempted to continue 1235's post with: WHO BOUGHT A WHOLE HOUSE FROM SELLULAR but it would've taken away#from the shock value of OH MY GOD THEY ARE TEARING THEIR INSIDES OUT I AM GOING TO THROW UP#sellular is a pun on sell and cellular btw#pls get it#also notice on squad leader's post the tags are from cross and not squad leader himself#because its a reblog#i put so much effort into this pls reblog#cells at work#hataraku saibou#hataraku saibō#cells at work friends#hataraku saibo friends#cells at work and friends#shitpost™
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*writes the same exact headcannons in slightly different scenarios over and over again*
#it all comes back to my unicron-spawn Starscream and my quintesson-built Jazz#today I worked a little on us Starscream and qb Jazz becoming friends and getting a absurdly similar dynamic to how I write Prowl and Jazz#but I stopped that to work on a memory loss fic w that Jazz fighting his way from autobots to Starscream bc he was the only one who he#trusted with a complete memory back up as another not-cybertronian#and I stopped THAT to work on a qb Jazz/Prowl fic where it's non-essential no pain killer surgery that Prowl has to do on Hazx bc he refuses#to go to medics. partially bc the surgery is completely unsafe in any firm and partly bc qb Jazz doesn't want anyone else to know what he is#(and Prowl barely knows either)#but I only got a few sentences into that b4 I went to do an Autobot!DJD (AJD?) torture scene w qb Jazz where the nameless character to die#manages to tear open his chest while fighting back and finds nothing inside#BUT that's rlly similar 2 a fic where I've done the same thing w Starscream (the chest discovery in a scuffle bit) so I reread that before#I got distracted thinking abt my Starop fic that's all Starscream doesn't have a spark because he's a ghost Optimus Prime doesn't have a#spark because he's a lab experiment gone rogue. Misunderstandings ensue. which I adore but have no idea how to fit a plot into#so bc I couldn't think of anything more than a few sentences for that I went to my fic where ALL of the command trine formed from Unicron#but Skywarp and Thundercracker died early and Starscream spends millions of years searching all of cybertron and hoping Vector Sigma#reincarnation works for unicronians too. biiiig depression angst fic. I can't decide if I want it to end in Starscream self-inducing stasis#in one of Vector Sigma's chambers or whether I want it to end w Starscream brutally murdering the new trine member the reincarnated versions#of Skywarp and Thundercracker were made with (who ftr would be Sun Storm)#n that fic reminded me of that one rewritting of the Starscream's Ghost ep where Starscream catches a glimpse of Scourge and immediately#attacks. it's barely a fight because in seconds SS is ripping through layers of armor desperately searching for Thundercracker beneath the#shell Unicron gave him. He needs Thundercracker to be there (he isn't). Only when his claws have gone completely thru Scourge's back does he#round on the armada- only to completely ignore Cyclonus and go for one of his clones (Skywarp)#and that reminded me of- *gunshots*#do u see why I only ever manage to post ponies?? I have less ideas w them so I actually finish.#I'm worried of hitting tag limit but I have plenty more of even less fleshed out fics for us Starscream and qb Jazz#(I barely said half of what's in my writing docs)
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Vox being villainous and gaslighting, manipulating, torturing, killing, ripping, burning people <33
#genuinely the most satisfaction and happiness I felt is reading Vox going absolutely batshit insane on people#Vox letting out his electric demon to absolute tear and burn people to shreds?#I think I just experienced post bliss without the actual thing#Vox going pure electricity and burning Al from the inside out? SIGN ME THE FUCK UP#bro's practically Fyodor'ing Al like he's Nikolai and fuck yeah metaphorical cannibalism even when they're trying to fucking kill each othe
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time for eden posting. nope, not that one. not that one either. yes, the other one. the final fantasied one. the one that split his soul into halves and then survived the sundering because he got locked in a box. and then the box got eaten by a space whale. that eden
#.text#by technicality he is the body and not the heart. which is funny bc he was originally just eden (euden eden) in ff14#who is the heart and not the body#ive been trying to think of how he meets the scions for a whiiiiile and i think yda just beats up those voidsent in the twelveswood#and one of them spits out the box eden is locked in. brings it to the waking sands. and accidentally frees him from his self imposed prison#its literally just this small cube. the size of a rubix cube. completely black. probably covered in voidsent guts by now#so the fact she picked it up and kept it at all is extremely funny#i think thancreds the one to open it tho. the bias is showing. but yda would be like looook at this super cool box i found#inside a voidsents belly!!! and he'd be like woah thats awesome lemme see. & accidentally presses a button#and then Boom. there is a body in their meeting room. dressed like an ascian#eden: which one of you fools let me out of my prison#yshtola: thancred summoned the ascian so perhaps he should deal with it. if he dies then not much is lost really#eden has been asleep for like tens of thousands of years he doesnf even know what an ascian is#hes standing there like 🧍 guys is the world still blowing up#he probably cant even read modern text. i imagine hes squinting at everything thats handed to him like an elderly man#which he is technically#yda: hmmm... he cant read common eorzean... he lies about his age... hes bad at physical exercise... hes super smart... speaks in riddles..#yda: eden have you considered joining the senior citizens club in uldah. they do book clubs every thursday and dances every saturday!#i didnt actually know who he would bond with the easiest but yeah its probably yda. maybe yshtola or urianger as well#i dont think hed get along with the twins well but mostly because they remind him of something hes forgotten (himself)#and it makes him uncomfortable. and sad. and angry.#cons of forcefully tearing yourself into parts to forget and to destroy the worser parts of you#alisaie would hate him anyway solely bc he keeps trying to get himself killed#which would piss her off soooo bad#thancred too probably tbh#those 2 are a pair even if they arent in canon. Just trust me on that one#augh i need an eden tag idk#i had a name for him but i dont remember it anymore#it was like albenau or something#i cant remember tho
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This part from the extras is going to make me insane. Like what do you mean . What do you MEAN . Oh andrew minyard you deserve so much better than what the world gave you :(
#aftg#i actually nearly teared up reading this section i cant think about it without feeling rage#hell is not hot enough for proust i cant believe ichirou executed him#andrew deserved to tear him limb from fucking limb#all this and he still barely has a reaction when neil talks to him after easthaven#ohhhhh andrew there is so much trauma buried so so deep inside you i just want you to be happy#making myself sad in the middle of the work day DAMN!!
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Me right now: "The Smitten is just like me for real."
Like???? I hope not??????
#lile god i hope he isn't??? i hope I'm not like that???#...ok i do be like that to a degree i can't lie#like haha i understand your intense need to die a great death for someone you love and your preoccupation with the chase but not the result#and your immense disregard for yourself as a person which leads you to or perhaps is the consequence of transforming into a tool#a role and an object but it's never enough is it and you'll never be enough will you? and the clock on the wall it keeps on ticking#and you repeat 'this is how it's supposed to be'. and if you look inside yourself you will see that there is no yourself to look in.#if you look inside yourself you will find a shadow in the body of someone else#like ah boy just like me you subscribe to the Folk story but there is no curtain to roll when the dragon is slain#you get the girl and what then? if you don't die then what then? maybe if you destroy yourself enough you will achieve something#maybe if you tear your chest open the curtains will fall. otherwise the only thing left is 'what am i supposed to do?'#the one thing that I pray we don't have in common is his tendency to make caricatures of people in his head#like uuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhh i hope i don't do that.#which reminds me kinda funny how people were giving him way more slack when just Dam//sel existed. like i disliked him more back then#because The Da//msel is VISCERALLY horrifying to me. cannot stress how physically nauseous the chapter makes me#which might sound ironic considering I'm the biggest pioneer of 'boooo if anyone ever gets to know the real me I'm packing my bags#and leaving. nobody is allowed to interpret me the correct way. if you know me you don't. i hope you misunderstand every word i say.'#but i see a very thick line between not understanding me and between making up an idealised smooth harmless caricature of me#that you attempt to shove me into. like. the song The Projectionist by Aurelio Voltaire is what I'm referring to#and that's horrifying to me. like ah no not again please. a few times in my life was enough.#I'd say that simply 'not understanding' is Spec//tre and TPA//TD. And those routes are depressing#but not horrifying. they're like 'haha oh god that's me. don't mind my tears.' but Dam//sel is like...genuine horror. to me.#and HA//E actually made my opinion of Smi//tten better because like no no I get him. I also get H//AE Prin//cess. like haha that's me. ow.#Like haha girl the way you are incapable of saying the words 'i want' and cannot bear to say what you feel or think because you aren't#supposed to; it isn't what you should do; you should cave in and make others happy; don't you WANT to make others happy and who#gave you the right to even want something anyway; well it reminds me of the mirror in my house
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