#terrible reinforcement for bad behavior really

[crooked-wasteland]

Alright, Let's Attempt Some "Good Faith" Criticism:

Part 1: Medrano is also a terrible Director

My post about The Circus was sniped with a comment that feels like Medrano herself wrote it. I'll function in the belief that it actually is what Medrano intended, and then explain why it still doesn't work in practice.

Firstly, before I even attempt to deconstruct this comment, I need to clarify that Bad Faith has nothing to do with author intent. But it seems this is how the fandom and Medrano herself misuse the term. Bad Faith is a philosophical term, not a literary one. It means to be inauthentic or dishonest, not in a compulsive manner, but intentionally.

Bad Faith IS promising to do something you know you have no intention of doing.

Bad Faith IS knowing you are doing something selfishly while pretending to be altruistic.

Bad Faith IS denying your obvious reality.

Bad Faith is NOT believing that an Author's intentions are flawed or failed to be executed.

Bad Faith is NOT reading malice into something that wasn't intended to have it.

Bad Faith is NOT "making mistakes".

Bad Faith would be extrapolating that Medrano is a rapist herself due to her love of the trope. Or claiming to think poorly of Medrano in order to rile up other people's emotions when you really don't care.

It is a Lie, not a Disagreement.

There is no truth in art, and no "right way" to interpret what you see on the screen. The way people feel about Stolas' and Blitz's dynamic will never be "Bad Faith". Because it is a wholly real and unique experience to those who have interacted with the material.

So the main disagreement is that I see Stolas as a narcissist based on his patterns of behavior. And the irony is that as Medrano has become more insistent of trying to "correct" that image, the more it actually reinforces the perception for myself and most other people. This is not bad faith, this is now miscommunication.

Additionally, Death of the Author is NOT Bad Faith. It is a literary reading of the story with the intentions of the author removed to reflect how the work the Author made is connecting to those engaging with the material.

It says so much that Medrano and her ilk believe we are lying about how her work makes us feel due to the poor quality of writing and direction. In fact, the assumption of dishonesty is itself a source of bad faith when it is used in this manner. Not because it perceives malice, but because it creates a false reality for the simple objective of not having a fair conversation.

Instead of seeing that once art is made public, everyone is allowed to have their own experience, or even acknowledging that the fact Medrano is asked so many questions to clear up her bad writing to even consider that maybe she is actively failing as a director as well. Instead we are somehow inauthentic because we don't agree with her, because she feels entitled to her work even after letting it free.

Which, if that isn't a great encapsulation of the problems between the characters of the show themselves, idk what is.

To breakdown this wall of text, this person is saying that Stolas meant "Ravish" in a way that is no longer in use.

The commenter insists that Stolas was actually referencing Blitz having previously stolen from him as children. And somehow extrapolates a bizarre fantasy of Blitz having returned a quarter of a century later to also steal Stolas, like Blitz stole all his stuff.

To be genuinely frank, the idea that this is readily accessible to any degree is demented. The term Ravish being used in this way is not a good term. This goes into bad writing, because I think we all have ideas of what certain words mean.

When I say sad, I mean a gloomy heaviness of an emotional kind. Like the grey cloud over someone's head that may start raining at any moment. It's a feeling of a depressed and subdued mood. Whereas the word distraught means frantic. High, negative energy. It's a panic-stricken sadness. Or even Depression, where the feeling of sadness may not even be tangible, but the similar oppressive heaviness inside one's soul is almost palpable. Grief-stricken is almost like a sense of fear mixed with sadness. A form of painful emotional horror that consumes the victim with a deep and pervasive sadness.

Words have built in connotations.

Ravish under the archaic use literally implies violence as a default. To Ravish something from someone implies the use of force. Meanwhile, the more current definition of Ravish still implies an almost carnal instinct. Something sudden like a viper's strike, but instead of venom it implies bliss. It is still implying something abrupt and physically stimulating.

And if you do not have a wide vocabulary, you will inappropriately misuse words by not understanding their implications. So while this may be a retconned, or even valid explanation from Medrano herself, it doesn't work on multiple levels.

In writing, it doesn't work because everyone who first saw that scene believed Stolas was implying that Blitz had come to have sex with him. Mainly because of this:

It's clear from this sequence that Stolas is viewing Blitz sexually. It contradicts the idea that Stolas had any other intentions, specifically because we see this from his perspective with the pink haze of lust and infatuation around Blitz. Add to it the unnecessarily awkward porn talk by the Hellhound guard and Stolas' blushing after the fact, we know what Stolas is feeling and thinking through nonverbal direction. And he's definitely not thinking about that giant bag of stuff Blitz stole from him.

Second, it contradicts Stolas' character. He's supposed to be intelligent. He finds Blitz's really obscure horse joke funny, but it is only funny to people who know things. We see Stolas' favorite things are books by how he is going through his library with young Blitz when they are children.

So Stolas would know the implications of a word like Ravish. It could have worked if Stolas was in some way upset over Blitz stealing from him, but he clearly is not from the moment they lay eyes on each other. Ravish would never be used for unimportant trinkets. The connotation is that it implies a struggle or having something precious taken from you against your will. And Stolas, being book smart, would know this fact. So him misusing the word in such a way also breaks his character, because it shows the book-smart guy is actually unable to learn from books.

Meanwhile, this is Blitz:

Doesn't take much rocket science to see Blitz is scared. The dynamic is on full display on how Stolas feels (he's seeing this as a porno script) and Blitz feels literally helpless. It's clear in this sequence that Blitz's is trying to gain some control over the situation only for Stolas to shut him down. And Blitz is both resigned and intimidated. He doesn't know what to expect going into this room and it's clear he doesn't think it is going to be anything good.

So when Stolas throws out that Blitz is there to "Ravish" him, you see Blitz concoct the scheme to get the book in real time.

When Blitz says "Oh, yeah...!" You can see it animated on his face how he is trying to come up with a plan to gain some ground. He sees the book, has a thoughtful look while the "Sexy music" plays (another layer of clear indication that Ravish was always intended to mean something sexual by Stolas) before leaning into the setup.

And here Stolas outrightly refutes the belief that he ever thought Blitz came to steal from him. Theft does tend to fall under "nefarious" actions, and if Stolas believed Blitz broke in to steal from him while everyone was distracted at the party, well, he wouldn't be saying this. He genuinely thinks Blitz is there for him specifically.

This line prohibits the audience from linking together the current situation with Blitz's childhood actions entirely. It signals that Stolas either doesn't care at all about Blitz being a thief, or he doesn't even realize he was stolen from to this day. So the idea that "Ravish" was in reference to that setup is soundly put to bed.

Then the two sit down and Stolas starts wanting to "reconnect", like an awkward coffee date after a one night stand. Due to the absolute strangeness of his horny fantasy, it's a good faith assumption that he wants this to be more than just some random sex, he wants a connection. Asking what Blitz does for work and getting panicked when Blitz admits to being an assassin.

Frankly, the best bit of characterization is that Stolas legitimately thinks for a second that Blitz may have been hired to kill him.

Anyway, this is going to have to be split into two parts because I only can post 10 pictures and I've already posted 7 and we still need to cover Blitz's perspective. So, let's call it here.

[yannaryartside]

Sydney Adamu; Donna's antithesis

THE BIG PARALLEL: THE QUEEN OF THE KITCHEN

Donna's introduction to the audience is in her kitchen, where she is the leader, the center of the action; all orders come from her, and the dynamic in the family is created primarily by her. She has assigned (indirectly or so) the roles of all the family members that keep the family working in the way it does. She is the queen, the leader—a role she was given by nature.

And what is Sydney's job in the kitchen? The CDC, even when she was a sous, she was already taking the responsibilities of the CDC. She is their queen, their leader in their kitchen—a role she was given by choice.

The writers had given Sydney every opportunity to be Donna so they could show us how much of Donna she is not. Here are my favorite examples of it. 

Donna brings guilt, and Sydney brings grace.

Donna created her daughter's nickname after a mistake she made as a kid (probably when Nat was nervous and afraid to fail her), messing up a recipe.

Sydney gave grace to Tina when she messed up the recipe for the mashed potatoes. Sydney could have used that opportunity to get back at Tina for making her look bad in front of Carmy and all the other stuff. Sydney decided to be the bigger person; God, Sydney was not trying to make Tina own or like her. She just decided that is not what she is. She acknowledged that Tina was trying something new and wanted to be available in case Tina needed help. Sydney gave Tina clear expectations, recognized the task's difficulty, and offered help. Later, she was graceful when a mistake was made, and gave positive reinforcement when the job was well done. We learned then that Tinas was terribly afraid of being displaced or not good enough. Sydney is giving Tina all the things Donna should have given Nat.

Another exmaple of this is when Richie and Sydney are shopping for caulk. She just buys the right one; she doesn't rub it in his face or call him stupid or careless. In all their conversation, Sydney tried to understand more, not put more fire into the pile. Richie recognizes that, and I think this is when he starts to respect her, even a little.  

Donna brings chaos, Sydney brings order. 

Both women have the role of being the center (heart) of the kitchen. Only Donna can touch the food in her kitchen, while Sydney delegates the kitchen tasks to the restaurant employees.  

Donna gives the absence of self, and Sydney brings purpose. 

To please their mother, try to win her love, or just survive the household dynamics, the Berzatto siblings had to adopt behaviors/personalities that were not natural to them. Mickey was at least 18 when his father left; he took the provider position by helping her mom run the restaurant. He also took care of his siblings. He was his ultimate ally in helping the family feel like a family, particularly by always being capable of "dialing a room" to make everyone feel entertained, appreciated, have fun, and be a family. For all these reasons, he was Donna's favorite, and the other two siblings were neglected because of it. Neither Nat of Carmy felt really like she was there for them; she probably didn't encourage Carmy to draw or Nat in anything. Nat and Carmy grew up believing their talents/nature were useless because they didn't please their mom. Neither of them recognizes the things they are good at outside the kitchen: Nat diminishes her husband's compliments on her hard work, and Carmy ignores compliments on his drawings. 

Sydney, on the other hand, can encourage Marcus to follow his passion for baking. She supports Tina in her culinary journey to the point of her becoming the third person in charge. She asked Nat to be the project manager because, in the few interactions she had with her, she perceived (or it was intuition) Nat's attention to detail, caring nature, and responsibility. In the climax of the second season, she trusts Richie to do the calling of the orders when she has no reason to believe he can, and he solidifies his purpose. Sydney "nurtured" everybody's natural talents and trusted them to walk independently. That is what a good parent or leader does. It is such a brilliant subtext. Important to note she doesn't do that with Carmy, because Carmy is her equal, her partner-to-be.

Other ones:

There is also to mention the fact that Sydney was a professional driver, and Donna tried to crash a car in her own house. Talking about metaphors. 

Also, Sydney doesn't indulge in any of the toxic behaviors that the Berzattos learned from Donna, neither Carmy nor Richie's bullshit nor the rest of the staff. Little by little, she fought fire with water, and she won, maybe because she is more like a river than a drop. She had a purpose on her own, an identity, a past that she kept to herself, and a desire to move forward. People started to respect her the more they relied on her and the more she didn't give in to the toxic traits that were ruling them before. They saw the good and followed it.

Sydney may not rely on toxic dynamics to lead her kitchen, but she will not let others take advantage of her. She did not pick on Carmy's slack last season for him but despite him. She doesn't believe that is what she is supposed to do, not only as her employee but friend and possible romantic interest. She calls the bad behaviors/tendencies by it's name. And communicates she won't have it, while also saying she belives in him.

I think most of the audience (besides the ones in this fandom) really doesn't understand how extraordinary Sydney is. If she wasn't as well-written as she is, with defects and fears, people would think that she is the "saint woman/magic woman" archetype, making everything previously broken work in her presence. I also think it is because she is a woman, and women are expected to bring magic and be fixers and helpers. There is also the fact that she is a black woman, and everything that comes with that, but I cannot comment on that, so I am not going to. Just saying she is one of the most amazing role models I have seen, decorated with the price of also being one of the most complex female characters on screen. She is not perfect as a person and has not reached her whole potential, and she wants it. I respect and admire her so much. Even when Carmy seems to have a longer path of healing ahead, I want Sydney to win the most, not just heal. I want to know more about her, her intimate desires, and why is her heart broken. Long gone are the days when women lived on screen to make everybody around them better and happier. All the things she is extraordinary for, the ones I talked about, are not just reasons why Carmy had admired her or fallen for her. She is, for me, a champion preparing for live-defining battles. We know who she is, and we get to discover what else she could be, to grow in her self-confidence, her purpose, and what brings pleasure to her soul. She is considered now the show's co-protagonist.

And I hope in s3 we are in for a journey. She made all the difference. Thank you for reading.

[leakyrocktarot]

Do you have a soulmate?

Yes, but let me tell you about them anyways. Buckle up because this will be a long ass read, get some snacks, something to drink, and cozy up! This post is about the many different types of soul connections!

Disclaimer:

This is my rendition of research and personal experience. I implore you to do your own research!

So, soulmate is just an umbrella term, there are many different types of soulmates and soulmates are not always romantic- I mean who’s to say they’re always human? Soulmates are just that, mates for your soul. Mate means companion, it can be in a romantic/sexual/procreation context like with wolves, or it can just be your best bud. In my opinion, there are fifteen different ways to classify a soulmate which can better help you understand and learn the lesson they are in your life to teach you. The purpose of a soulmate is to carry your soul through a specific experience to aid you on your journey. Everyone has a soulmate, everyone has multiple soulmates, everyone is interconnected through a web of lives, every soul on this earth and past this realm is connected. You could have many soulmates and one person can classify as multiple types of soulmate which is why the term soulmate should be seen as an umbrella term rather than a thing itself. There is nothing that separates us except for the perception of separation, the ego, and the humanness of life. Sometimes we get swept up into someone else's journey, and it sucks, because we may get hurt, which is why the first soulmate type I will be talking about is a Karmic soulmate.

Karmic Soulmates:

A karmic soulmate is someone who comes into your life to teach you hard lessons. The entire purpose of this connection depends on your lessons but they can serve as major teaching moments, or the connection that wrecks you so bad you turn to spirituality to heal. In life, there is duality, as with karma there is dharma, so while someone may be a karmic soulmate, it doesn’t always mean that they will be abusive or bad, just that you will be learning painful lessons through and with them. A karmic will either force you to choose yourself by putting you in terrible situations where you have to either choose yourself or allow yourself to be harmed, or they are going to push you to choose yourself by being in your corner, making you make the hard decisions for yourself. For example, if you have been told since childhood that you’re never good enough but you really want to be a creative person, but the trauma makes you avoid being creative, a karmic person would either try to reinforce that trauma and hurt you more until you retaliate, or they will push you into being creative by calling out you avoidant tendencies. It depends on your personality! Either way, a karmic will always be a hard relationship, purely because it forces you out of your comfort zone, it forces you out of your habits, out of the behaviors you have created in the name of safety or ease that do not serve you, to show you the habits, coping methods, and tactics that you use that actively put you at a disadvantage in life and leave you feeling less than what you deserve. It opens you up to a path you would’ve never considered because of your programming, background, childhood, trauma, etc. It allows you to see another path, different to the one you have always chosen or were taught to choose, allowing you to see more, which brings us to the karmic being a spiritual awakener. Just as they are a lesson for you, you are a lesson for them as well and they could be the precursor to your spiritual journey, even if you are already on one, they could cause you to dive deeper and reawaken for lack of better terms. The Karmic is meant to feel alluring, as though you cannot avoid or get enough of them, they draw you in because they are a destined soulmate, you are drawn to them because you have something you can learn from them. Relationships- romantic wise with a karmic are not known to last, more often than not they are there for a reason and season but, there is a possibility that they can stay for a lifetime as long as no one is going against their purpose or causing the other harm or choosing the other over themself. A Karmic soulmate can be abusive, but they don’t always have to be, the end goal is you choosing yourself and your betterment, not martyring yourself for them, as well as clearing out past life cycles, or karmic debt. We often start off in life with the same cycle that we experienced in the life before that we could not heal in that lifetime as well as the baggage of karma in our past lives that we are meant to heal and release during this current life. With that being said, a karmic can be anyone, it can be your best friend, it can be a parent, it can be a lover, crush, stranger, your pet, literally anything or anyone. You know that person is karmic when you come out of the relationship having either learned a harsh lesson, or experienced harshness from them.

Twin flames:

The most controversial type of soulmate is a Twin Flame. Mhm, yep, get those eyerolls out, yep, done? Great, so! A twin flame is complicated because of how over sensationalized it is in pop culture media. It is seen as the epitome of soulmates, it is idealized as hyperreal love, the goal, often seen as a fantasy version of real life where things are all sunshine and rainbows and happiness, but people forget or are so wrapped up in the idea of finding their perfect half that they forget the intense healing work that comes with twin flame connections. A twin flame is just that- your twin flame lmao. The names are very forward. So twin flames, at least how I understand it, are based on the Greek mythology of the creation of humans. The idea comes from humans having been created with two heads, two hearts, four arms, four legs and in order to sew discourse they were separated, cursed to find their “other half”. Here is the thing, your other half does not exist, you are you, you are a whole, yes you can find someone that matches your freak perfectly (twin flame) but they are not the other half of you. Think of a real life example of duplicates, fusions, they are two whole beings that come together. When you meet twin siblings, they are different people but came from the same source at the same time. When you peel a banana and find two bananas inside, they are two separate beings that came from the same source. Your twin is literally only someone who matches you to near perfection. But, because they are their own being and have lived their own life completely separate to yours, they have vastly different yet somehow oddly similar experiences. They are your true mirror, in the sense that a soulmate is your mirror and mirrors reflect an inverted image, a twin flame shows you who you are in your rawest and naked form. Which is why they are insanely difficult to be in. They show you who you are in the rawest form and when you avoid that, you run from yourself and create disharmony, discord within yourself and the connection. If you are used to running from yourself, avoiding yourself, avoiding your trauma, your mistakes, hating yourself, and you fall in love with someone who is basically your mirror, that forces you to learn to fall in love with yourself and that is a hard task. If you learned to hate yourself for years upon years, to then be face to face with literally a mirror of you, you would resent the parts of you that you see in them at the same time adore those same parts because they are attached to the person you love and again it creates this disharmony with the self. It confuses you until you learn to love yourself, until you heal and come into union with yourself. Many people view the idea of union as meeting your twin flame and starting an instant romantic connection but- no. the laws of nature, the universe, human nature does not allow for that 100% of the time. Oftentimes, coming into union would mean reconnecting with who you are at your core. Ask yourself, if you are in a twin flame connection, what does inner union look like to you? If you are in a twin flame connection, are you putting more emphasis on your partner, who they are, what they represent rather than yourself? The thing is about soul connections is the fact that we often get lost in our companions that we forget the self, to take care of the self. You must not forget that you are part of the equation, you must heal, be open, do not let your ego run your mind and actions. The epitome of twin flames is yin and yang, without balance between the nodes, there will be chaos

Animal Soulmates:

The easiest soul connection to have is an animal soul connection. It is as it is, this is your pet, your best friend, your lil baby lol. It’s when you come across a pet by chance and form a deep bond that is unbreakable and unshakable. This pet will be perfect for you as they would have your exact personality, always be there for you, they match you to a T. the bond is filled with ease and overflowing love and respect for each other. It is akin to a witch and her familiar as they become a part of you that will never leave even if they cross over that rainbow bridge. As you may or may not know, I have a cat, her name is baby and she is 100% my soulmate, she was made for me and I for her as she found me randomly one day and never left my side. I do everything I can for her and she in turn makes me so abundantly happy. Just seeing her cute face can turn a terrible day around. 

Soul Partner:

This is probably what you think about when you think of the term "soulmate" and what is seen the most in media. It's the most common, most idealized, most written about, most fantasized type of soul connection. Even with all of that, all it is, is someone who you will spend the rest of your life or a significant portion of your life with. Again, this can be platonic, or romantic. This could be someone you grow up with, someone you marry, someone you start a business with, someone you co parent with, your pet, someone you will be tied to for the rest of your existence even if they were to pass or leave your life. Your soul partner often enters your life to support you emotionally or professionally. We as humans are social creatures, you cannot go through life without ever relying on or interacting with another human, which is why, a soul partner is just that, your emotional support buddy for life! A soul partner is a very basic, simple, and the most common type of soul connection, therefore everyone knows about it but refers to it as a soulmate. The terms are interchangeable, because they mean the same thing and are both umbrella terms for soul connections and soul connections overlap so don't worry about having a clear distinction between the two because they are the same thing.

Soul Tie:

A soul tie is someone that comes into your life for a very specific reason or season. By that I mean, this could be your first love who you date for only a couple of months that teaches you that you know nothing about actually dating someone, or this could be your fifth grade literature teacher that compliments your writing and encourages your talent. A soul tie is the reason why soulmate types overlap because every soul connection you have is for a reason, and that reason is what ties you together. Another example of a soul tie is having a friend that has to move away but can't take their pet with them so you take the pet and that pet becomes the most important thing in your life, or someone you met six weeks ago who introduces you to your twin flame, or that one lover you just can't seem to let go of. Think of the connection as a courier, someone meant to deliver you something or someone and go. They don't often stay for long and are often passing strangers. A soul tie can also refer to spell work, in the sense that someone or something has tied the strings of fate of your souls together into a knot that makes it hard to leave or separate yourself from that person.

Important reminder, not all soulmates are "good" soulmates, some are here to teach you hard lessons.

Past Life Soulmates:

A past life soulmate is exactly as it sounds, a soulmate you were in connection with in a past life. The purpose for past life soulmates returning in this life is often to finish or close out unfinished business or past life cycles. Remember how I said a lot of soulmate types overlap? Well, a past life soulmate is often your karmic, twin flame, or a specific person you promised to reconnect with. First, Karmic soulmates. A past life karmic soulmate is someone you were with in your past life, but one or both of you moved on to this life without closing out the cycles from your past life and are now reenacting/reliving these cycles until you can close them out. Technically a twin flame is and isn't a past life soulmate because they are your souls twin- created at the same time and in likeness of each other. Your twin flame can be your past life soulmate if you were in connection with them in your past life. Now, think of all the times you've promised to meet someone in another life, you've basically created a future life soulmate lmao, that is how you get past life soulmates, by promising to meet someone else in another life.

Romantic Soulmate:

It's as simple as the name, this is someone you have a romantic soul connection to. It is purely to classify non platonic relationships. For example, you could have a completely platonic connection with your twin flame while someone else can have a romantic connection to their twin flame. That does not mean you won't ever feel romantic feelings for your twin flame, it only determines whether or not you will have a long term romantic relationship with them. By long term I mean longer than 3 months. A romantic soulmate is just a soulmate that you will be romantic with, that would be your future spouse, who could also be your soul teacher (another type of soulmate) or anyone who you date.

Plantonic Soulmate:

Again, as simple as it sounds, just another way to further classify your connection with a soulmate. A platonic soulmate ranges to literally everything, your best friend, your mom, your professor, your coworker. It is someone you have a close and profound platonic connection to that affects your life exponentially.

Soul Family and Soul Tribes:

Soul family and soul tribes relate to the found family trope. This is a group of people that are connected to each other in intricate ways. This could be your actual family if you have a tight knit and healthy family, or it could be a group of friends that came together in an unexpected way but have a bond that transcends time and distance. This is and will always be a positive connection, doesn't mean that there won't be any difficulties or discourse in the connection, but it does mean that you will always find a way to mend the bond. It is a strong connection. This could be a community of people you've surrounded yourself with, could be you closest friends and or future partner, if you are polyamorous could be both! The purpose of a soul family/soul tribe is to heal familial traumas, break generational or familial curses, could be from past lives as well. This can be your very distant cousin who is the generational curse breaker of their direct lineage and is your role model, or your diaper mate lmao. More specifically for soul tribes, you can create one, or be inaugurated into one, these connections are often formed with people who have similar goals, and hurts to you. Either way, a soul family or soul tribe is or makes you feel as though you were cut from the same cloth.

Kindred Spirit:

A kindred spirit is technically not a soul connection but it is, but it isn't, let me explain. A kindred spirit is someone who you randomly meet that you can connect with effortlessly, it's as if you have lived the same life, they like what you like, have experienced eerily similar things, have the same dislikes or specifications, same job or talents etc. however they are someone you meet in passing. It could be someone you randomly strike up a conversation with in the grocery store. Often times you meet these people because you are vibrating on the same frequency and that energy draws the two of you together to meet. This person could literally pass as a clone for you, you may look alike (doppleganger) or you may just have very similar lives. For example, you could be married to a pro wrestler, believe that frogs are the meaning to life, have a disdain for tomatoes, and are obsessed with Vincent van gogh and this person would be married to an mma fighter, believe that toads are the meaning to life, absolutely despise tomatillo, and have a blog dedicated to only Leonardo da vinci. It's uncanny similarities that would give "uncanny valley" a run for their money, but just someone you meet in passing, however it is possible to form a bond over the similarities.

Soul contract:

Also not a soulmate type but the reason why you meet certain soulmates. A soul contract is confusing and deep territory that I won't be getting into in this post, however I will only talk about it in relation to soulmates. So when you have a soul contract with another person, it generally means that if certain conditions are met, the two of you will meet in this life to then hash out the terms of said contract. You usually have a soul contract with people who are integral to your souls journey. For example, you could have a soul contract with a karmic partner and in the contract there will be a clause that they are there to teach you a specific thing and once that thing is learned the contract will be fulfilled and you'd be left to do with the relationship as you please, or the agreement to start a business, have a child, literally anything that aligns you with your true purpose. It's a lot more complicated than how I make it seem, it is not a term to be thrown around willy nilly however. It's very confusing and I'm only mentioning it to give insight to soul connections. These contracts are mutable and are constantly changing because whether or not you meet someone hinges on whether or not you have "fulfilled" the terms for lack of better words. Basically, you have to be vibrating on the same frequency to be in connection with certain people and in order to vibrate on that frequency there are things you can or need to do. For clarity sake, not saying this is how it actually is, just for clarity; if you are aware of a specific future partner and that they are vibrating at 78 hertz but you're vibrating at 42 hertz, you need to get to 78 hertz by following a specific path, this could mean healing, or doing a job, it could mean anything that changes the trajectory of your life so that you align with that persons frequency/energy/wavelength and that pulls the two of you together in a way that allows you to cross paths and this would be handled by your guides.

Soul Teacher:

Finally back to the easy and simple soulmate types and explanations! So, a soul teacher is someone who comes int your life to teach you something spiritual which refers to me or other spiritual practitioners. This is the one you're experiencing right now! A soul teacher is someone you meet by chance and they impart life altering knowledge onto you that opens your eyes and changes how you view and move through the world. Sometimes they are only meant to teach you about certain topics, for example about soul connections, or the akashic records, or they can be a full mentor, teaching you about witchcraft, spell work, and deity work! These soul teachers are there to make sure that your soul or you as a person learn something either very specific or a genre of things and can often trick you! By trick you, I mean in a way that will force you to handle a situation differently to how they taught you to further broaden your horizon and what you know. Basically view yourself as Harry Potter interacting with one of the many professors at Hogwarts.

Soul Crossing:

A soul crossing is similar to kindred spirit in the sense that they are someone who enters your life very briskly but opens your eyes to a lot. A soul crossing is someone who is your soulmate through and through but they are only in your life for such a short and sweet time. For example, this could be someone you meet on vacation or on a cruise, you spend so much time together having so much fun but once the cruise is done, they're gone with the wind. This connection can be very sad in the fact that they last so shortly but are so amazing to experience. This is someone you meet purely by chance, often times through a series of unconscionable actions that wouldn't have usually happened, it would literally seem as if the universe randomly brought the two of you together solely for that short time only. this type of connection can usually last for barely a couple of months, sometimes as short as a week. It often feels like a zing from hotel Transylvania but- without the long lasting love lol.

I want to preface what I’m about to say,

Just because you are someone’s soulmate does not mean you are there future partner. Someone can be your soulmate purely because of their effect on you and your soul's journey through this lifetime, just because you are someone’s soulmate does not mean that you will ever meet them nor will there ever be romance involved, nor that there will be or was a lifetime where the two of you were romantically connected. There is no guarantee that you will ever meet all of your soulmates because sometimes, that just isn't in your path, sometimes they are only there to be an influence or inspiration. Remember, soulmate is an umbrella term for someone/something that has a profound presence in your soul's journey.

I’m going to hold your hand when I say this, your cognitive dissonance will deactivate your critical thinking the moment you feel triggered, yes you can be a soulmate to a celebrity, they are people too, they are not gods, or deities, they are human. HOWEVER, just because you feel profoundly connected to a celebrity or idol (looking at you kpop community) doesn’t mean that the connection is romantic. Yes, it is possible that it can be, but that does not give you the right to stalk them, harass their partners, try to force a connection, nor does it gives you the right to act like a pompous douche that's better than everyone just because your soul decided to connect to someone of influence. If it is meant to be, you will not have to force it and should not force it. Forcing yourself to be in proximity with a celebrity (i.e stalking them) just because you think you belong together rather than letting that be in the back of your mind and focussing doing what you are meant to do in life will not make it happen, in fact it will never happen because you refused to do the work and scared the shit out of them, shot yourself in the foot so to speak. If you are on the path to union with a romantic soulmate, there are things that you absolutely need to do and if you try to undermine that, thinking you can use a shortcut, you will be dropped on your ass pretty painfully. The universe has rules to the game and going against them will not win you anything other than harsher lessons. This is NOT the go ahead to start a witch hunt for “fs’s” This is NOT the go ahead to delude yourself into thinking you are a celebrities fs, this is PURELY educational. The "title" of "soulmate" does not give you any special abilities, special powers, it doesn't make you special or different at all it is just a connection. If you think you are a celebrity fs, consider talking to a professional, ensure that you are not experiencing limerence, having a parasocial relationship, feel free to message me if you want to talk or have more questions.

The only reason why I am mentioning this is because we as a society have treated celebrities and have made them out to be monoliths when they are humans too. I feel as though knowledge is very important and anti-intellectualism is on the rise especially in communities where things aren't "verifiable" such as spirituality which makes the content we make and consume either a very powerful or harmful substance. I'd much rather my content be as educational and grounded as possible to free the minds from the boxes we put them in than to uphold societal ideologies that are rooted in toxicity such as classism and beauty standards and further constrict our nature and divinity. I am fully aware that my words have consequences within others, which is why I am very serious and put great consideration and research into what I am saying. I am going to be as careful as possible when I say what I say, however, if you find issue with what I am saying, please feel free to message me and we can have a conversation about it. I decided to add this in last minute because of how the media frames celebrities and how people interact with celebrities and the parasocial relationships it creates.

I may make another post talking purely about this concept because of how highly and nuanced it is and I have so many personal thoughts that I want to share but, this post is only for educational purposes. When you make room to speak about what exists, you no longer have to spend time wondering about everything left unsaid.

Celebrity Soulmates:

Celebrities can be soulmates in the sense that they do impact our lives in some ways. I personally classify a soulmate as someone who has a profound affect on your life path, for example, inspiring you to take a leap of faith. Celebrities are highly influential people and what makes them famous is the affect they have on society, with that being said, having a celebrity be your soulmate is not as weird or as a cringe take as it would seem. To understand what I mean, you'd have to refer to the other types of soulmates. Celebrities, depending on how they affect your life can be seen as a soul tie, a soul teacher, a kindred spirit, a soul crossing. Because we see them in media and often idealize them and their lives are so public, we can learn so much from them. Removing them from the mental pedestal and seeing them as someone who is in the public eye opens you up to learning a lot more from them. For example, Chappell Roan, she is literally just a person, someone who is deserving of respect and having her boundaries respected. But just because she makes music that a lot of people love, her image has gone from a fellow human to this elevated view that is both toxic for the fan and the celebrity. This type of connection is hard to talk about because- I mean you're going to be seen as someone who is mentally unwell. At the end of the day, celebrities are people, but because they are celebrities, a soul connection can be seen as or is nothing more than a parasocial relationship or infatuation.

I'm trying to be as careful as possible with what I say because of the way people tend to be overly attached to and obsessed celebrities to the point of convincing themselves that they're soulmates and it is a dangerous and slippery slope to have that mindset without mindfulness and discernment. Maybe the reason why you're so infatuated with this celebrity is because there is something you can learn from them, either from their life story, or from the content that they create, maybe they're just an outlet or source of comfort to help you get through a rough time. Maybe you come across Kenji and his videos help you get through a nasty divorce, or maybe you come across Hozier's music and it inspires you to create your own content, or you come across CoryxKenshin and he inspires you to go out and make a difference in your community. That is the impact that celebrities often have on people, all without even knowing this is their role in so many lives. I like to think that often times, the reason why people become famous is because they have something or create something that helps the collective in any way and because they have their own lessons to learn. Sometimes, we are unknowingly a huge part in someone else's journey, whether it is positive or negative. I personally believe we come across these specific celebrities or creators because they will have the most impact on our lives and further our journeys. For example, Jay from the Kubzscouts! He has stated the reason why he posts so often is not only because he loves what he does, but also because he grew up watching youtubers and those youtubers being his comfort and he wishes to provide that some comfort to others and he does! Because of that, he inspired so many other people including me to want to do the same which furthered people in their journey. I hope you've seen from the other soulmate types that a soulmate does not have to be someone who is overtly profound presence in your life, just someone who has a profound affect on you that further pushes you on your life path.

To finish off this section without saying too much and deconstructing social constructs, yes, it is possible to have a celebrity as a romantic soulmate, but that is something that I cannot say with ease or lackadaisically. If it is in your path, it will happen naturally, just focus on yourself, your healing, and following your life path and you will get there some day. I must warn that, because of the fact that celebrities are famous and in the public view and are the object of many peoples attraction, you must be aware of things called limerence, parasocial relationships, obsessions, love addictions etc. These are things that can influence a person into believing that there is a soul connection when there isn't one. It is easy to say you love a celebrity and feel a connection with them because you can consume their content without limit, but you are not interacting with them, you do not know them. You cannot use your feelings of attraction or romance to justify the idea of a connection, either you have one or you don't, and you will know the difference because it isn’t a vice or a distraction from your problems. It’s something that will put you in a position where you will have to do a lot of grueling mental, emotional, and physical work to get to where you need to be. It is also important to note that your guides might allow you to believe that a celebrity is a soulmate because that is the only way for you to genuinely follow your life path.

Final Statements:

With all of that being said, you might be thinking "that sounds like anyone can be my soulmate?! How can I tell if a random joe on the street is my soulmate or not?!" Well, yes and no LOL. Literally that is the beauty of human nature combining with spiritual purpose. Anyone can be your soulmate, but it depends on the stage in life you are in that determines whether or not they will be in your life. It is also very common in romantic soulmates, more specifically twin flames to pass each other several times in life before getting to the point of actually meeting. There are so many instances of people taking family photos or pictures of themselves with their partners in the background without even knowing!

If you are trying to call in a soulmate, following the guidance of your guides, they have an invested interest in your wellbeing and highest good however they cannot force your or force things to happen without your willingness. Their job is to guide you, not to do things for you, and if you heed their guidance, they will guide you to your highest good.

Again, if you have any questions, anything you want to say, add, need clarification on, would like to talk about, or would like to request, or would want an in depth post about a specific soulmate type, please feel free to message me! My inbox and ask box are always open and I will never judge you 🤍 I hope this post was as informative and I hope it gave some insight!

Here are some links with more information related to soulmates and soul connections!:

12 types of soulmates

Another 12 types of soulmates for clarity sake, this one contains content related to childhood soulmates, that would fall under the umbrella of platonic soulmates.

8 types of soulmates

10 types of soulmates

Types of soulmates

13 most common types of soulmates

A third 12 types of soulmates

[qiu-yan]

Hello, your takes are really cool! You can completely ignore this if it's tedious to expand haha, I'm not all that clear on tumblr etiquette so -

I noticed in one of your posts you said wwx had self worth issues? Can you please expand on that if you can? Imo he's very secure about his worth but things like debts and 'Nah, I Can Deal With this' get in his way. Generally, outside the jiang family I CAN see him putting his life on line for someone else, but wouldn't that be owed to natural kindness and willingness to help rather than any issues he has in his own worth? "Better me than them" not because he thinks he deserves it but because he thinks he can handle it better?

thanks for the message!

when i said that he had self-worth issues, what i had in mind was that one post (can't find it right now) that argued that wei wuxian had sky-high self-confidence and low self-worth. what they meant by that was that, on one hand, wei wuxian is incredibly confident in his ability to accomplish anything he puts his mind to and to weather hardships that would destroy other people; on the other hand, though, he also thinks that it's acceptable that he instead of others weathers said hardships. wei wuxian repeatedly falls upon the explanation of "i'm stronger than other people, i'm more resilient than other people, i was born with a smile on my face and i don't hold grudges" to explain to himself why it is acceptable that various bad things happen to him: why he insisted he wasn't upset after someone stole his first kiss at the phoenix mountain night-hunt; why he said it was better that he instead of mianmian got burned; why his response, when he thought that madame yu was going to cut off his right hand, was to think that he could relearn the sword with his left--and why, i think, he gives his golden core to jiang cheng.

kindness and a natural inclination towards helping others can account for a good chunk of an individual's selfless behavior, but once we reach the point where someone is actively setting themself on fire to protect another person (or, shall we say, digging out their own golden core), then some other psychological motivators have come into the equation. (i find one interesting example of this to be emiya shirou from fate/stay night, whose natural instinct towards helping others is a manifestation of his survivor's guilt from the fuyuki fire).

this is less prominent in wei wuxian's interactions with other characters, since i do think that wei wuxian's moral framework is decently agent-relative - but when it comes to his interactions with the jiang siblings and jiang cheng in particular, wei wuxian's self-worth issues become apparent. due to how he was raised in the jiang household, wei wuxian seems to have internalized the idea that he, compared to jiang cheng, is more disposable. the message wei wuxian overwhelmingly hears from madame yu and also everyone else is that, while jiang cheng is the sect heir and the future of yunmeng jiang, wei wuxian is just the son of an ex-servant. that wei wuxian owes the jiang sect for taking him off the streets and raising him. that, just by being in jiang cheng's life, wei wuxian has already taken so much from him: the happiness of his mother, the approval of his father, the love of his father, the love of his sister, the stability of his home. all of this means that the direction of debt points firmly in one direction: wei wuxian, in his mind, owes the jiang.

this is reinforced by both uncle jiang and madame yu's last words to him: "protect our children." protect jiang cheng and jiang yanli. there was no "protect yourself as well." what a terrible thing to tell a kid, honestly.

but this is also acceptable, because wei wuxian is stronger than jiang cheng. so it's alright that wei wuxian be forced to take on various burdens due to what he owes jiang cheng, because wei wuxian is strong and resilient and can handle those burdens. unlike jiang cheng, who is weak and emotionally fragile and holds grudges so easily, who is so weak he must be protected at all costs, wei wuxian is strong and capable and forgiving enough to weather all hardships, and not even hold a grudge about it. so it's alright! it's okay. wei wuxian can and should shoulder everything.

i think this was the reasoning that went into the golden core transfer: wei wuxian at once loved jiang cheng and didn't want him to suffer, and also felt it was his first and foremost duty to protect jiang cheng above himself, and also felt that he was more disposable than jiang cheng, and also felt so, so guilty about his perceived role in the fall of lotus pier. i think (as i said in the post i think you're referencing) this is also part of why wei wuxian was able to leave lotus pier to protect the wen remnants without fully viewing this decision as him making a sacrifice: from his point of view, since he no longer had his golden core, he could no longer contribute to yunmeng jiang. he could no longer fulfill his purpose/duty/promise to the dead jiang parents of protecting the jiang siblings. if he wasn't useful, then jiang cheng probably didn't even want him around anymore. therefore, it was better that he leave instead of staying to cause more problems.

when it comes to the jiang family, at least, wei wuxian's sky-high self-confidence and abysmal self-worth work together to produce some uniquely unhinged outcomes.

sorry, i think i've gone off-topic. when i said that wei wuxian had self-worth issues in the original post, though, it was in relation to yunmeng jiang and the jiang family specifically, which is why my reply is focused on them. i hope i've answered your question!

[fortheb0ys]

https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTLYeA8Kt/

Okay okay okay

Pet play with Jeff vs Graves would be soo fun to see

Jeff only really gets rough if provoked, feels awful after usually unless it's sex. Then he's probably pretty satisfied, but even then he's really not that rough. Really gotta work him up to being rough, let him blow some steam in a safe environment where he won't be afraid to be "bad."

He has his moments, overwhelmed and probably panicked, especially after Shauna and her "book club." But he's not inherently a bad dog. He's a good boy, just needy and clingy, probably a bit insecure and wary around people.

That biting issue isn't awful after being with him for awhile, probably actually able to train him over Shauna. But sometimes he'll bite if something feels too good or he's frightened, but I can't imagine putting him in his kennel again over it. They're accidents, lost in his head like last time and everyone's learning from it

Graves?

Rough and mean for the hell of it. Is not satisfied by slow sappy shit unless you really work him in, or his day was genuinely terrible. But usually? Graves is wrestling and probably straight up sparring with you for dominance that he doesn't want.

Bites bites bites all the time. You look like you were thrown to the wolves after leaving a session with Graves, cannot train this out of him. It's his god given right as a puppy. Fuck him with a dildo with a knot? It's soo over for him. Eyes rolled back and drooling everywhere. 0 thoughts in this pups brain, literally none at all as he's shooting blanks over and over again.

He's bratty, mouthy. Loves to tease and be pampered. Stressed at work? Scratch behind his ears and coo at him and he's melting away, itching for that weight of a collar around his neck.

Anyways 😭 idk if any of that makes sense but you get to have my rambles anyways!

-🥭

AHHHH I WANNA DIG A HOLE IN YOUR SKULL TO LIVE IN YOUR BRAIN AND EAT YOUR THOUGHTS!! THIS SO PERFECT😭 This is fucking perfect! I'm so sorry if none of this makes sense.

Jeff is gentle natured. Only ever violent when really pushed in a corner or someone's threatening people dear to him. He's definitely not in control of his mouth when he experiences any overwhelming emotions. He would bite his lip, the inside of his mouth or tongue and not realize. He'd start panicing or whine when he taste blood.

He just doesn't like to be treated rough at all. Rough means punishment. He needs reassurance that he's not a bad boy and that no one's mad at him.

I feel like Jeff gets let off the handle more than he should. Don't want to push him and break his trust. He's, for the most part, well behaved. If he does something wrong he's most likely going to beg for forgiveness before he could get reprimanded.

His kennel isn't really for punishment. It's more of a safe space for him. Just plushies and throw blanket. It's only ever punishment if the cage is closed.

He likes everything soft and sweet, especially nicknames. Cute one like buddy, puppy, pumpkin, etc. He loves to be spoiled. Kisses and praises more the material things.

Shauna lets him stay at your place some weekends and as much as he loves spending time with you Jeff questions why Shauna doesn't love him anymore. He definitely soooooo fucking clingy. The type of dog to wait outside the bathroom door.

Shauna probably wouldn't have much patience with training him. Would give up quickly or scold him a little too hard. Gentleness is key in reinforcing Jeff's good behavior.

Graves gives the vibe of one of those pitbulls named 'Cupcake' or 'Princess'. He can be sweet but violence is in his nature. I think he reacts violently because that's how he was treated. He's violent with both play and sex. He'll violent rip apart toys and goes through them so easily. Old wounds can never heal properly cause he just bites over them (I have a fic talking about this actually).

Graves thinks if he does his mission he'll get rewarded but is let down constantly by Shepherd. He'll finish his mission and all Shepherd gives him is a cold pat on the back and his paycheck.

Yes, Graves loves the money but he craves to be praised both cause of his ego and his deep need to be wanted. If someone wants him, they pay.

Shepherd calls him a dog with a bone. He'd somehow learn of Graves' puppy play. Use it against him and for sometime Graves let him. He's loyal to the ones he's close with and it took alot to break that trust. But seeing his men, the ones he views as a pack, die made him snap.

So now with a new 'handler' he's never going to be fully trusting. He gave it away and it backfired.

I think Graves bite more so to show ownership. Yes, he has violent tendencies but he like to see markings. It's way of him keeping some level of control. Plus he just genuinely like to do it.

Graves accept no punishment. If boundaries are crossed or his actions too severe, just go quiet for a few days to scare him. He'll think he'll be abandon and will crawl back. It's a bit cruel but it's the only thing that works.

He has money so spoiling him with gifts isn't going to win any favor. He just wants someone to 'play' with. Honestly he'd probably pay. Of course, most of the paycheck is hush money.

Graves requires a lot of energy burning activity aka sex when in his head space. He's a busy man and doesn't get to relax often. I can imagine his has those heavy chain collar. Chain him somewhere and get him to fuck himself on a knotted dildo while trying to finish work than fuck him for hours after.

[burnwater13]

Image shows the Mandalorian Armorer training Din Djarin in the use of the Darksaber. Image from The Book of Boba Fett, Season 1, Episode 5, Return of The Mandalorian. Calendar from DateWorks. Caption reads: Persistence without insight will lead to the same outcome. Your body is strong, but your mind is distracted. - The Armorer.

NOTE: This image does not go with the quote. The Armorer stops the lesson because the Mandalorian keeps fighting the Darksaber. Disneyplus is being a butt, so I couldn't get a good screen photo. Apologies.

Grogu wondered if the Armorer had once studied at the Jedi Temple. She sure sounded like a Jedi at times. This whole thing about “persistence without insight” gave him strong ‘do or do not’ Master Yoda vibes. He supposed it was possible that she could have gained access to Jedi teaching materials when she lived on Concordia. 

Given how the Jedi had a bad tendency to lose things they brought with them from the Temple (looking at you Obi-Wan Kenobi), Grogu didn’t doubt for a minute that a holocron or two may have ended up somewhere they shouldn't have. After all, Mandalorians didn’t use lightsabers. How could she possibly have taught his dad how to use the Darksaber? But a holocron wouldn’t care about who it taught. The Jedi just liked teaching.

And her next comment about Din Djarin being distracted was a huge tell. The Mandalorian only had one reason to be distracted and that one reason was Grogu. He was spending the summer at Luke's Jedi Sleep Away Camp on Ossus and his dad missed him, like any good dad would. That, of course, was another tell tale from Jedi teachings… thinking family was a distraction and that finishing a quest was the same as never having a family to begin with. Din Djarin couldn’t get rid of his responsibilities that easily. No dad could.

Which the Armorer would know if she really followed the Creed. Grogu was a foundling. Din Djarin had rescued him. That meant that the Mandalorian was stuck with him and Grogu knew that the Armorer knew that. Only a Jedi would have found a bunch of technical reasons for why that couldn't work. Things like ‘the boy’s too old’ and ‘he’s too attached to his friends’ and ‘he eats too much, he’ll break our budget’… wait, not that last one. That was what the head chef at the Jedi Temple had said when Ian commented that he wished he could clone Grogu just to watch him race himself eating.

So if the Armorer wasn’t really a Mandalorian and was actually a Jedi, how did she learn to be an armorer? She clearly knew her trade. Grogu had watched her make things several times. The sigil for Din Djarin. His rondel. The expertise and skill were on display right in front of him every day. Hmmm. Was she some sort of undercover agent? A sleeper Jedi sent to Mandalore to learn the ways of an enemy that the Jedi seemed to fight almost every time they turned around? 

Grogu supposed that was possible, but not terribly likely. At least not the spy part. It was just as likely that she had become dissatisfied with the Jedi Order and all the rules you had to follow and decided she liked the Mandalorian galactic view better… nah, that didn’t make sense.  Mandalorians had twice as many rules as the Jedi did. No taking the helmet off. No fighting with other Mandalorians (which they seemed absolutely incapable of following). No bringing dishonor to Mandalore (another thing they all seemed to fail at). Their whole Creed was a rule book with one saying to rule them all ‘This is the Way’. 

It had taken Grogu a while to work out that ‘This is the Way’ was something you said to acknowledge that you would follow the path agreed upon regardless of how fool hardy or dangerous it was. This is the Way. No other path would do. If you didn't follow it you couldn’t be a Mandalorian. Every time it was said it reinforced the behavior and that's just what the Creed wanted. If you were trying to get away from the Jedi code, order, rulebook, what have you, running to the Mandalorians wasn’t really very likely. Unless you liked a challenge.

Which meant that as much like the Jedi the Armorer was in her words and actions, it seemed pretty far fetched that she had ever been a Jedi. Then how the heck did she know so many Jedi-ish things? Was she a fan? Some times people did that. You were a fan of a group or a person or a culture and you did everything you could to learn about them, visit them, act like them, be them - in an honorable way, not in a fake identity way. 

For example, Grogu was a huge fan of Diggle and Daggle, the Fish that fish. He watched all of their vids, had seen every interview, collected what ever he could fit on a datapad if it was about them. They were the best and he often wished he could be just like them. Sitting in a small repulsor boat with fishing gear, snacks, and an endless knowledge of every type of fish, crustacean, cetacean, mollusk, bivalve, watery critter virtually everywhere in the known galaxy.  Spending your entire day and sometimes the whole night with your best friend fishing and chatting about the fish you hoped to catch. 

One year, when he was still at the Jedi Temple, he had made a ‘Daggle’ costume. It was so funny. The fins and tail moved independently of each other and the scales were shiny and kind of iridescent. Ian had helped him make it, even though he absolutely refused to be ‘Diggle’. Instead he was their ‘A&R’ guy and wore a badge on a lanyard with ‘Diggle and Daggle, the Fish that fish’ written on it, and walked around with a datapad, while he pretended to talk to someone on a comm unit. Grogu’s favorite moment was when Master Beq congratulated them on their work. They had been assigned to represent ‘Present Day Heroes’. Diggle and Daggle brought people across the galaxy so much joy, Master Beq agreed they were definitely heroes.

Maybe that was what the Armorer was doing. She wasn’t an actual Jedi, but secretly she was fan of how they did certain things… mostly.  She couldn’t wear a Master Yaddle costume, it would be too small for one thing, but she could honor the Jedi master by honoring the lessons that Mandalorians and Jedi had in common. Honor. Skill. Responsibility. You didn't have to be a Jedi to appreciate their good points, even if you didn’t wear a cloak and carry a lightsaber, just like you didn't have to be a fish, to fish.

[simslegacy5083]

Not So Berry (Straud Descendants) Gen 9

Today's (9/23/2024) Episode: The Error of His Ways

Before he could make things even worse, Luigi fled into the gaming center, where he realized that he’d missed a text from his family.

Apparently, they’d found a quiet corner to play some board games on the second floor, and he started heading their way with a heavy heart.

He knew Noemi would be disappointed in what he’d done. How would this look to the public and his Project Daisy backers? He was positive it wouldn’t be long before the whole sad story saw the light of day, and he had no-one to blame but himself.

When he spotted his family upstairs the idea facing them made his stomach churn. He detoured to the restroom, barely making it into a stall before throwing up the remains of his breakfast. His embarrassment increased when he heard someone behind him ask “hey man, are you OK?”

Turning he found the fan who’d distracted him and Noemi from Skye at the start of their outing. He made a weak gesture of acknowledgement, and the stranger gave him a sympathetic look. “That was a crazy show you put on out there. Maybe next time just let it go man, it ain’t worth it.”

With no excuse to delay any longer Luigi settled at the small table where Noemi and Steven were enjoying a game of Don’t Wake the Llama while Skye played with a toy nearby. “How’d it go?” Noemi immediately asked, “Was she willing to negotiate?”

Luigi found himself having trouble forming his reply, finally grinding out “No, not exactly.” He then proceed to tell them the whole sordid tale.

“I know I screwed up.” he finished. “I was trying to protect you but as usual I made a mess of things. Its this stupid temper of mine. Something comes over me when someone tries to hurt the sims I care about and I stop thinking. I know you’re disappointed, and you have every right to be. I’m sorry.”

Little Skye, who had heard the whole thing, responded before his momma. “Don’t be sad. Daddy a big bad, you made the mean lady go away.”

Luigi felt his cheeks flush red with shame. Their little boy already had a habit of trying to solve his problems with violence, and now he’d gone and reinforced that bad behavior even if he hadn’t meant to. He was better than that and he had to start acting like it!

“No Skye” he replied “Daddy is sad, because he made a big mistake. Mommy and I don’t want you to act like that, its not OK to solve your problems by being mean to others.” Skye frowned but didn’t say anymore as he turned back to his toy.

Next Luigi focused on his grandfather. “I’m sorry to cut our outing short, but we really should go. I don’t think its wise for us to be out in public right now, and we need to get home and get ready for the awards ceremony tonight. Thank you for inviting us, hopefully next time it won’t end so poorly.”

Rising Steven said “I understand. I wish it hadn’t come to a fight but thank you for trying to get the photos away from those prying busybodies.”

Luigi nodded “you’re welcome” and allowed himself to be wrapped up in a big hug before gathering his family and heading on his way.

Back at home, Noemi pulled her husband aside for a chat. "I'm glad you understand that what happened today wasn't OK." she began "But like you said, that understanding doesn't help you in the heat of the moment. I think it's time you see a professional about managing your anger.“

Luigi could only nod "You're right, as usual. I need to record an apology video too." He shuddered "Those things are so cringe, but it has to be done.”

“Cullen texted while we were in transit, and the fight is already trending on SimTube. He said if it was anyone other than the Paparazzi, or any week other than right after the Pancakes incident, I’d be cooked… but it's still not good. Entering therapy for anger management will help sell my sincerity."

"Thank you" he went on "For being you. You inspire me to do better, be better. Today was terrible, but it was also the first fight I've had in a long time and that's largely due to your influence. I'd be lost without you, or maybe behind bars." 

Noemi smiled. “I much prefer being the only one who puts you in cuffs. Now let's find our baby and get ready to mingle with the stars. I'm crossing my fingers that after tonight you'll get to add "Starlight Accolade Award Winner" to your resume!"

View The Full Story of My Not So Berry Challenge Here

[askgothamshitty]

Hey, I saw you were wondering about the phrase "boys are easier to raise because they are neglected," and I wanted to provide a bit of context for it.

(Unrevised, unmedicsted, early morning rant.)

The phrase is used as a rebuttal to boy moms or women who, in general, have a strong preference for sons/boy children. These women often have high levels of internalized misogyny and can be defined as pick mes. The statement is meant to point out how these type of women specifically have these observations as a result of their own beliefs and approach to parenting rather than some inherent biological fact. Ie, pick mes are terrible mothers to their daughters and neglect their sons.

Now about the word "neglect"

In this context, the meaning is a bit different and more complicated. Like with many things, the most aggressive and provocative term was used, but it's not the most accurate. The goal is the shame these mothers, by showing them the ease they get with boys is because they're not being good parents to them and are instead raising them poorly.

What does this "neglect" actually entail? It mainly refers to socialization, punishment, and hygiene. Pick mes tend to be very lackadaisical in these categories with their sons but strictly reinforce them with their daughters.

(Note: Even though the patriarchy tends to have one overarching belief about something, the way this plays out can vary from person to person/culture to culture/situation to situation. We are discussing the very specific case of pick me mothers.)

With socialization, boys are given a lot more freedom and grace (especially when they are young). They're allowed to be energetic children while very early on girls are expected to be "ladylike." With girls, the mothers are more reactive and observant of their behaviors and attitudes, quick to correct them. In their minds, this is more work and effort compared to boys who just have a lower standard overall.

Expanding on before, pick mes are much harsher on their daughters when it comes to reprimanding them. Girls inherently (based on patriarchal beliefs) are more troublesome and require more punishment than boys. There are objectively more things a girl can do wrong than boys. This again is more work and attention required for these mothers to do. Internalized misogyny, projection, and resentment can also increase the amount of punishment young girls receive from their mothers.

In both cases, these mothers fail to, in any capacity, actually partake in the raising of their sons. The boys are left on their own to understand things like proper behaviour, respect and social hierarchies, emotional management etc etc. These types of parents are not involved in their sons' lives, leaving them to figure things out on their own or depend on their parents.

Like I said before, however, neglect may not be the best word. Because it's not really neglect, but it also is. This depends wholly on the person's understanding of what is required of a parent and the examples that are thought of. For example, punishing girls for socially inappropriate behaviour while letting boys off the hook (neglect, childrne should be reprimanded in this case) OR punishing girls for playing outside while not doing anything to boys (not neglect, children should play outside and be rowdy)

Lastly, I will touch on hygiene. Boys aren't taught how to wipe their own asses. What more can I say. Men are expected and even praised for having piss poor hygiene while girls are shamed and scrutinized for just having bodies. This is tech2+nically under the branch of socialization, but I had to make it a separate part because it is the most consistent category where men are failed. I'm sure you can think of 1001 examples of how men are bad with hygiene. But this is the clearest and broadest example of how boys are neglected. It can lead to lifelong issues and problems for these men, and even as adults, they're still not being taught anything at all. Clearest example of just pure neglect.

(Note: Girls can also be failed in this category, but I don't think there is a single scenario where men have higher hygiene standards than women)

Tldr;

- this only really applies to a specific approach to parenting (pick me mothers)

- the standards and expectations for boys is much lower than girls and therefore less work is required from the parent

- the term "neglect" is used very loosely here. It's more for optics than actual analysis

- the actual point: is that boys require less effort because patriarchy has more to do with the oppressed than the oppressors.

This was an excellent overview, omg. Really great breakdown of what’s being talked about and what’s actually going on. Thanks so much!

This kind of makes me think of how “boys will be boys” is a self-fulfilling prophecy. People don’t expect boys to behave so they don’t even try to parent them. So they’re “neglected” in the sense that they received less supervision and correction.

“Boys aren’t taught to wipe their own asses” 😭 and that’s the cold hard truth

[2af-afterdark]

Talking bout how God is a bad parent. Maybe God!MC can be a better foster/adoptive parent

God!MC can either come in with gentle parenting like what most parents do nowadays, or traditional parenting. Or they can try both, and see what works out for the angels.

(If they still share a room) Gabriel and Michael fighting again? They step in and stop it, assessing the situation for the cause, Gabriel's statue of God is destroyed again because Gabriel was praying in the middle of the night...again? Sure, God!MC will fix it, then separate the three of the Seraph into separate rooms(four if you count Remiel)

Surely when MC rise to the God position, they won't be as soft toward the angels as God would've been. They would be able to establish boundaries and devise proper actions/punishments for the angel's behavior

Oh no, Gabby won't only be fighting with Michael, he'll be fighting with Remiel as well. When Remiel gets yelled at, he'll use his puppy eyes and fake cry 😰 if God!MC is soft and gives into his puppy eyes, petting his head or hugging him, he'll give Gabby the "Ha. I'm God's favorite" face

Bunnie... God!MC is putting stickers on those angels' cheeks whenever they act right. They are arguing over who got the most/best stickers. It has created entire fights that break parts of Heaven... which has caused them to confiscate said stickers. The angels get really depressed when they lose their stickers. And that's if MC is being gentle with them. A more harsh MC would scold them (at nicest), which... yeah, they need that too.

Also, I hope God!MC looked at the architecture of Heaven and realized that a lot of those fights could be mitigated by letting the angels have their own rooms. Seriously, everyone having their own safe and private space would solve so many issues. Also, reinforce the buildings. It's insane that OG!God made everything out of materials that couldn't withstand an angel attack. The more I think about it, the more I realize that OG!God was just... terrible in every possible way.

Can I pat Remiel's head? Can I kiss him gentle on the forehead and tell him what a good boy he is? He is doing so well. He's not even starting fights with Gabriel after the shit he's pulled. (Yes, I am letting him manipulate me. I am weak to the 🥺)

[sideblogformindtrash]

may i ask, what was pet orfeu's training like?

Own honestly pet Orfeu is such a sad little guy. It was probably a lot easier to train him than you'd expect =/ orfeu has veyr different reactions depending on the point of his life he's at.

Like the older orfeu, near his 30's we know? Nearly impossible. Absolute nightmare.

Fresh out the system 18-19 soaping wet cat Orfeu? Not so hard =/

cw for bbu stuff, noncon, drug abuse, abstinence, sensory deprivation/overload, touch starvation; transphobia and lack of bodily autonomy

For starters, he submitted willingly, and per usual, he was in a terrible place in his life. He was exhausted, depressed, hopeless and struggling with addiction.

The first thing they did was talk to him about his body image and gender. Orfeu is gender-nonconforming, and if left free, he would keep his boobs. He likes them. But being any kind of non-conforming isn’t a good look for a pet, so they said he had to either fully commit and go with top surgery or go out of HRT and sing as a woman. He picked the first option.

He also had his tattoos and piercings removed, and his head was fully shaved so they could then grow it out on a regular haircut.  

The ~~drip didn’t do a full removal of his memories. He had already used it at this point, and omitted that information. But the memories he did retain mostly served to show him he was miserable and unfit to be a free human anyway. 

His first few weeks were very brutal as he was forced to deal with abstinence, mostly alone and locked in a room. At this point he tried to take it all back, cried, begged, screamed and tried to fight. They were somewhat understanding of the behavior since it was due to the drugs, but he still got a beating here and there. 

When those symptoms subsided they got him into a more regular training scheme. And at first, it was kinda challenging.

He was willing to learn and try to be good and his Handler saw that - but he was still Orfeu and had an authority hating, anger prone reactive ass. 

It took trial and error. THey first started with pain and corporal punishment, since they didn't have to be as careful since he was already scarred - but that didn’t have as much of an effect. It made him angrier and skittish.

Eventually they figured out what worked the best for him was a combination of sensory deprivation/overload for punishment, a semi-permanent touch starved status, and a lot of positive reinforcement and praise.

Orfeu has hardly ever been praised in his life, so even just being called a ‘good boy’ did wonders to soften his behavior, and they integrated a lot more of it and started exploiting that in his training. 

After that they started making more progress at grinding him down. They convinced him his anger was all part of how bad it had been before, that he didnt need that now, that he could be a good pet and that he would be so loved if he was good.

And well, somehow he committed. He also just started dissociating heavily, almost constantly and living in auto-pilot.

He didn’t really interact with other pets. They tried sometimes and he mostly ignored them unless a handler had instructed him to interact. He wasn’t able to hold very long conversations either. 

They did train him as a romantic, and it was kind of a challenge to not have him just dissociate all the time. Keeping him very very touch starved helped with this, since he would begin to crave sex even if just to be held.

He also took some classes. He did well enough on some, and failed miserably at cooking every single time. 

He was also very hard to sell. He is off putting to look at, has a weird smell, he can’t be in a house that has animals in it, and a lot of people found him a bit too numb and boring.

So much so he started to become sort of a company pet for a while. He just was easy to handle and have around, and some trainers liked to take him home on weekends and fuck him as well. 

Eventually however he was sold.

[mentalhealthinfilm]

Mental Health Representation in Film

Film is one of the biggest pieces of media and it has been for years and seemingly will not be going away any time soon. Since this is such a major media landscape one major thing that films should have is good representation. There are plenty of negative and positive representations of different things in film, but the focus of this will be on the representation of Mental Health in film.Before we can talk about what films have good or bad representation, we must talk about what representation is. Representation in film is how a project decided to depict a commonly marginalized or underrepresented group. An example of poor representation in film would be the Native Americans in Peter Pan (1953) and an example of positive representation would be African communities in Black Panther (2018). Now that there is a basic understanding on representation, I will be talking on an example of negative representation of Mental Illness in film. The 2019 film, Joker, depicts mentally ill people as “betrayed by society, weak, poor or lower class”. An analysis of the film written by Charles Soffel at Marymount University focuses on these major issues with the portrayal of mental illness with a focus on this pushed narrative that mental illness leads to violence which is not true. This idea of negative representation of mental illness in Joker is backed up by a list of films that have bad representations of mental illness made by Comic Book Resources. This list says that “Joker uses Mental Health conditions to justify violence” which is accurate in a way since the film shows that mental health can lead to these awful things if it goes unnoticed or if it is ignored which is not true in the light that the film is putting it in. This representation of Mental Illness creates this narrative of fear behind it due to fear that this psychotic lifestyle of violence and freakouts is an exaggerated reality.

The negative representations go beyond Joker. In an article by PBS titled “Mental Illness in Film” the author goes on to talk about how these false perceptions of mental illness, specifically schizophrenia that we see in an abundance of films, make people fear the thought of potentially having these illnesses or even crossing paths with someone who does. A quote from the article encapsulates the negative effects very well by saying:

 “The National Institute of Mental Health in its statement on schizophrenia notes that ‘most violent crimes are not committed by persons with schizophrenia, and most persons with schizophrenia do not commit violent crimes.’ Laurie Flynn, former NAMI executive director, might as well have been speaking about any of these movies when she said of Me, Myself and Irene: ‘This movie reinforces a total misunderstanding of what schizophrenia really is. This character's violent, unpredictable behavior will be unfairly associated with having schizophrenia. It's terribly stigmatizing.’ NAMI's March makes the point that these demonizing portrayals "cause people to fear and isolate the mentally ill,’ and can discourage those suffering from psychosis from pursuing treatment”

This further enforces that negative and blatant incorrect representations can create these awful narratives of mental health. All of the talk about negative representations brings me to the actual meat of this post which is what does positive representation look like and why is it important to have it in film. The importance of positive representation is best stated by Montare Behavioral Health which stated in an article titled The Portrayal of Mental Health in Media that “By depicting real-life stories and struggles of the battles of poor mental health can not only help people to recognize that treatment may be necessary, but it also removes the stigma previously commonly associated with these diseases.” This makes good representation as a benefit to those who view these films because this can help break the stigma along with allowing people to acknowledge they might have a problem and to reach out for help. The first film that came to mind when I decided to focus on this topic was the 2012 film adaptation of Stephen Chbosky’s 1999 novel Perks of being a Wallflower. The film follows Charlie, a young teenager starting highschool, who has dealt with some heavy things in his life specifically the suicide of his best friend less than a year back, the death of his aunt which he blames on himself due to the fact that she died in a car crash while getting his birthday gift, and we would later find out that he suppressed the memory of being sexually assaulted by the same aunt. The film shows the audience a glimpse into how mental illness can look to someone with Charlie directly talking to the audience about the things that are going well and the things that are getting worse. The film portrays PTSD, depression, and psychiatric care in a very positive light. The film also portrays the major negative stigma behind mental illness especially in the beginning of the film with Charlie being ostracized by people who used to be his acquaintances just because he was the “freak” that spent most of the past summer in the hospital due to depression. The reality of the situation is that especially when the film was set, the 90s, mental illness had such a negative stigma that you were looked at as crazy if you had anything wrong with you. 

The film also depicted an extremely accurate portrayal of the importance of those around you and a support group. In the beginning of the film, Charlie is very quiet and closed off with his only friend being his English teacher and he is so closed off that he is brought to writing the answer to his teacher’s questions on his paper instead of raising his hand. He soon finds a support group with two seniors, Sam and Patrick, who take him in with open arms especially when he is invited to a party and unknowingly gets high after having a weed brownie. This prompts him to have a heart to heart with Sam while she is making him a milkshake where he mentions that his best friend shot himself the year prior leaving him friendless and broken. Sam relays this to Patrick who then makes a toast to Charlie and he has officially made friends. These friends allow Charlie to be himself and which allows him to enjoy himself which he has not done in a while. We did not realize how good that this support group was for him until he was pushed out. Charlie starts to spiral and starts having these flashbacks that makes him blackout major moments. These flashbacks resembled more of a dissociation rather than what actual flashbacks do which could him suppressing the sexual assault that he endured when he was younger which was not realized until he had a sexual encounter with Sam. This encounter causes him to spiral quickly where he eventually calls his sister rambling about Aunt Helen and which then prompts her to tell her friend to call 9-1-1 and send them to her house. 

The positive representation that comes in the film's final minutes come from a character that we meet after Charlie has this episode, Dr. Burton. With the help of Dr. Burton, Charlie is able to confront the awful thing that happened to him and learn how to live with this. One of the film’s most powerful moments in my opinion comes from when Dr. Burton informs Charlie’s parents about what Charlie has gone through and there were no words spoken in this scene but we can see his parents consoling him and having positive reactions. This scene creates a positive atmosphere of talking about problems with people you love because there are too many people that fear talking about their problems because they fear looking crazy.

[be-quiet-bimbo]

Hello :)

You wrote in your profile that you are open for giving advice. So i thought maybe i can ask you....

I really want to be a more pleasing person but my ego keeps stopping me very often. I get bitchy and too proud for myself.

I have this tendency to be very arrogant and stubborn. Talk back, give arrogant commands and stuff like that. I feel bad afterwards but have a hard time to stop it.

Do you have any advice for me?

Wow. This ask was sent a very long time ago. I saw it come in, and knew I needed to take time to give it thought and answer well. And then I forgot to actually do so. So here it is:

It's good to recognize our character flaws and to want to change them. Doing so takes a lot of work, though, so don't get down on yourself if the progress is slow and doesn't feel like it's making much difference.

The first thing I'd tell you to do is to start apologizing to the people that you're loud, proud, bossy, or rude to. And I mean as soon as you realize it. That will start breaking down some of that arrogant pride that stands in your way, and shows your intention toward humility and being pleasing. Eventually you'll learn to be proud of your pleasant nature, your kindness in dealing with people, and your strength of character in your self restraint.

Right now, or at least when you asked this, you were focused on the negative, what you were doing "wrong". That's an OK place to start, but that won't bring change. Start focusing on when you do "right". Ask trusted people to tell you when they've noticed the positive behavior you're seeking. Find small ways to reward yourself for those successes. Focusing on any behavior reinforces that behavior, positive or negative, because it supports the idea that whatever behavior that was is "who you are". So admit your mistakes, but then let them go. Let yourself feel good about your successes, and keep the memories of the successes and how they made you feel. You could maybe even keep a journal or star chart or something that you can go back and review, to see how well you've done and a pattern of improvement and progress, since that can be hard to see in our day to day lives.

Best wishes to you on your journey, and many apologies for such a terribly late response!

[magicalgirlagency]

I know it's old at this point, but can you explain how Laips's treatment of Peridot was abusive. I mean, I think both Steven and Peridot called her out over destroying the recorder almost immediately

Yeah, but Lapis didn't even bothered to get her own shit together, and was STILL abusive towards Peridot behind the scenes.

I mean, do you guys remember the episode Raise the Barn? When Lapis was desperate to leave Earth to avoid facing the Diamonds, but Peridot couldn't tell her that she didn't wanted to leave and kept making flimsy excuses to stay? And Lapis kept dismissing Peridot's feelings on the matter, plus with a tight grip on her shoulder to reinforce her authority? All of that accompannied by some ominous and almost unsettling tune in the background plus a scared, whining Pumpkin?

LAPIS: I can't... I WON'T get myself caught up in another war.

Not to mention how Peridot was so dependent and desperate for Lapis' approval in her bravery as she ran away:

And even after Peridot told Lapis the truth, that she wants to stay and fight for Earth because that's the new home she grew fond of, the blue bitch won't even flinch and then proceeds to take the WHOLE BARN with her, with PERIDOT'S BELONGINGS in it! Why the Hell would she need Peridot's belongings for?! Isn't that basically stealing?!

PERIDOT: Wait, no! You're supposed to reward me for my emotional honesty!

In fact, the whole episode was Peridot trying to be honest with Lapis, but failing to word her thoughts in a way that wouldn't result in Lapis lashing out at her. Even Steven himself is shown with a frightened expression in his face as Peridot refuses to leave Earth.

And when she returns in Reunited, she DESTROYS the barn right in front of Peridot by throwing it at Blue Diamond! And what does Lapis has to say, after being a major bitch to poor Peridot?

PERIDOT: LAPIS?! You're really here...

LAPIS: Hey.

Bitch doesn't even say "sorry", and that's supposed to be the end of her arc.

In general, Lapis Lazuli was an unpleasant character. Sure, she was supposed to be the victim of abuse, but no one actually had the guts to call her out, tell her to change her attitude and drop her nocive coping methods; Steven kept making excuses for her toxic behavior in Alone At Sea:

LAPIS: It's MY fault. I'm the one to blame.

STEVEN: That's not true...

[...]

STEVEN [referring to Jasper]: But... she's terrible!

LAPIS: I'M terrible! I did horrible things! I broke your dad's leg, I stole Earth's ocean; Go on, tell me I'm wrong!

Even Jasper outright admits how horrendous Lapis is:

JASPER [to Lapis]: You can't lie to me, I've seen what you're capable of! I thought I was a brute, but YOU... you are a MONSTER.

And again, in the same episode, when Lapis confronts Jasper, she also admits to have enjoyed torturing the Quartz Soldier as Malachite:

LAPIS [to Jasper]: I was terrible to you... I liked taking everything out on you... I NEEDED to, I-I HATED you...!! It was BAD!

And may I remind you that in Jailbreak, after being defeated by Garnet, Jasper desperatedly tries to convince Lapis to fuse with her in hopes of defeating the Crystal Gems, only to be tricked by Lapis in the end and trapped at the bottom of the ocean?

LAPIS [In control of Malachite]: I'm done being everyone's prisoner; now you're MY prisoner! AND I'M NEVER LETTING YOU GO!!

And this is just from an useless filler ep, but what about her small talk with Connie in The New Crystal Gems?:

CONNIE: Um, Lapis...? You don't remember me?

LAPIS: Ummm...

CONNIE: You almost drowned me when you tried to steal the world's water...?

LAPIS: I almost drowned A LOT of people...

Just because you were abused in the past, that doesn't give you the right to abuse others. It just makes you an insufferable dickhead who adamantly refuses to learn their lesson.

Lapis' problem never was her trauma, no; to blame a traumatized person for lashing out would be akin to demonizing their experiences. Lapis' REAL problem was how her trauma was handled, and how no one has bothered to call her out on it. We cannot help a person if they're constantly refusing to pull an effort to help themselves!

And just remember, she and Peridot never got their opportunity to develop their characters while on Earth, because the cartoon was perpetually stuck on a Steven-only perspective, and their stories would only move forward if Steven was present. If not, they're stagnant.

Oh, and about the recorder fiasco, I don't think calling her out for destroying it has worked at all, because the show would bring it back as an ill-spirited joke through a "Meep-Morp exposition" in Beta:

PERIDOT: This piece is called "Wow, thanks". It represents the struggles of inner communication, the tape is the ribbon that binds our experience on Earth together. [In a jolly tone] It has no functioning purpose; it just makes me feel bad!

[krsonmar]

Do I have to tap the Nietzsche sign?

To be more serious and try to contribute something that hasn't already been said, what alarms the heck out of me is the loss of nuance--not loss, but outright rejection--because it does two very important things.

It de-skills our "intellectual muscles" to be intellectually lazy, which is useful for creating a malleable, manipulable population

It means we won't--we don't want to--talk to each other.

This got long so it's behind a cut if you want to read it.

This is a really excellent recipe for dismantling democracy. Democracy is fundamentally masses of individuals using their individual capacities to reason and make decisions for themselves and applying it in groups for the sake of numbers toward enacting their autonomy via self-governance or representative democracy. It is heavily reliant on a.) people being able to apply their decision-making skills in ways that serve BOTH their own interests AND the greater society's, b.) people having solid information informing those decision-making skills, c.) being able to, with reason, trust people who aren't you to be capable of both A and B, and d.) when you don't agree perfectly, to be able to persuade each other or at least discuss with each other why your stances differ in a constructive way.

All four of these things are now gone. We have bad actors in positions of power who seize the means of public information so that they corrupt B and weaken A, then they discourage C by encouraging us to see People Who Aren't Us as so unlike us and unreachable by reason that there's no point, and reinforce that by causing a breakdown of D so that we don't run the risk of disproving the lie and revealing the manipulation.

To go back to the original argument, we're all being encouraged by a dangerously and deliberately polluted ecosystem surrounding how public discourse is held not to do the intellectual work of holding two conflicting things--"This person does terrible things to others: unsympathetic" and "They were once a victim themselves: sympathetic"--in our minds at once. The two thoughts absolutely can be reconciled in a way that does not absolve the person being considered from responsibility for their harmful actions: "This person had a choice of how to react to their trauma and chose a way that harms the greater good instead of improving it".

But doing requires sustaining the intellectual work instead of deciding you don't have to bother. It keeps those intellectual muscles working, and flabby brains are so much easier to manipulate. And to be very clear, I talk about "intellectual work" as a muscle because this has nothing to do with "intelligence": that basically boils down to processing power, how much force an engine is capable of. If the machinery isn't maintained and gets gummed up or is applied to things no one needs, all that power isn't any good to anyone. An elephant that doesn't know how to apply its strength and tusks to uprooting a tree doesn't have nearly the power of a mouse that can figure out the best spot to chew to weaken the roots. People who don't practice these skills aren't stupid (which would be another great way to write them off as unreachable, wouldn't it?); they have a muscle that's out of practice because they've been told not to use it. There's debate to be had about how culpable someone can be for having been manipulated by a bad actor, but once you know you've been manipulated, what you do about it is what matters.

Nuance has been increasingly treated, by all political camps, over the past few decades, as equivocation: it's a moral cop-out, it's rationalizing away violations of fundamental morality. Right? To be fair, "nuance" has also been invoked to muddy the waters of discussions of patently immoral or illegal behavior as well: people pointing out, eg, times when the US government has instituted policies that are in flagrant violation of the Constitution have often been countered with accusations of being overly reactive or not having "serious" or "mature" stances. There, we're being trained to understand that sometimes, the highest law of the land actually doesn't apply, and that "mature" conversation means considering whether the rules we lay out for ourselves should always be followed or if they should only followed when they aren't inconvenient. It also has the useful effect of taking a vital skill--understanding that a situation is complex and requires a complex solution or set of solutions--and associating it with negative actions that have negative outcomes; essentially, giving an important tool a bad name so it will be less appealing to use.

Not to ramble, but my point is, all of this adds up to a breakdown of the public's ability to talk to each other, which is essentially a really great way to break democracy, and which is being deliberately cultivated. And if you see yourself in any of this, remember: it isn't your fault if you've been manipulated by a bad actor, but what you do when you realize it is what matters.

I thought it was fairly normal to feel empathy for bad people.

I thought it was common, even.

But after my Elon/Grimes post... now I'm wondering if I was mistaken about that.

I wrote a post about Trump being traumatized after his assassination attempt and a post about his poor adaptation to aging. I expressed sympathy for him in both cases. But I still maintain my white hot hatred of him and wish for him to face consequences.

Elon was abused by his father. Some of the stories are incredibly tragic. Hearing those stories triggers an involuntary response in my emotional systems that I can't stop no matter how much I despise present-day Elon. I also wonder if that abuse never occurred maybe we wouldn't be dealing with this current clusterfuck.

I have never held so much anger towards a single person as I do my brother. But I also see him as a victim of abuse. I know he was once a really good person and he was slowly corrupted. I feel sorry for him. I mourn the amazing person he used to be. And I still love him.

But that doesn't make me any less angry.

[the-firebird69]

The atmosphere here is bad people are mad at each other stand is angry and wants these idiots out of here Trump is in that apartment and he wants to put in the tile and they put it outside no she's not afraid to go in there and it doesn't work that way we don't want him doing that we want him the hell out of here our son and daughter are probably right he'll probably try and hoard the propane and put it in his house for the camper but yeah this is not that great the 26th is not too far away he's going to take a beating

The bus is coming in a few minutes we have a couple things to say,

-it's not very smooth here these guys are very obvious they're very stupid they're sitting there with the machine in the damn way almost with a full bucket saying they're doing the job and boy they pick a little f****** b****** and stupid and they're making a substrate perfect they're going to dig up and we have to get rid of them it's so goddamn dumb they're taking so long to do this stupid meeting this project I mean granted if we need a machine there is there and we'll have them do it but this is terrible and they're making it so it look stupid but it's not that much work I guess so how can they draw it out and the sun says I can work on the tributaries otherwise the water is going to go nowhere suddenly they'll figure it out and have to leave it there that's kind of what they're up to we need them out it is a point though there's too many Yahoo's

--other things happening this bus affair it's kind of a little bit odd we have a lot of people fighting to drive every time in the buses people need a bus to go somewhere they want them to cut the s*** they don't seem to be able to it's happened a bunch of times they're going to be in a lot of trouble very soon and with everybody again

--this kind of behavior is gross we need to stop but we are using it the Midwest is falling to us he had a good point and she did this morning there's still huge battles over those stashes and caches and nuclear deposits they have to occur and between the Mac proper and the mack warlock it is really just begun and it's prompted by us taking the bunker systems in the first three parallels were working the first Southern parallel we have the bunkers empty crud and junk about half of the it's about a quarter of the equipment is out and there's a quarter more than has to come out I will recycle it it's no big deal to recycle but the stuff in there we have to maintain we'll find a few more but pretty much we have it and we're part out what we have to we can do it with all three parallels and kind of at the same rate you know but they're catching up and we'll have it all out hopefully by tonight and parted out and will store it down there and we are going to move in our stuff very very soon we're renovating space by space as many as possible each each time and hiring we're also reinforcing and immediately huge huge huge pieces are going to be moved in it's gigantic and we're excavating for it these pieces are massive and we have a sequence it's going to be it's going to be an event we are going to try and work as fast as we can you need to make the pieces first and put them in they can't avoid that we are making the pieces we need assistance and he says we got to use Giants and we are so anybody that knows how to use a giant in any way if you're not signed on please sign on if you're not on a project we need you now good

Thor Freya

This will help us immensely we have people to keep safe

Hera

Zues

My husband does a good job and please all let's respond and sign on and he needs to feel better about something this would be the best

Hera

Olympus we agree and we're going to put it out in a formal request right now Olympus again

[kathleenkatmary]

Okay, here's why the whole "Well I never liked their stuff anyway" response to some artist or celebrity or whatnot being outed as a bad person, whether they're a bigot or abuser or awful in some other way, is not only an unhelpful reaction, but one that only contributes to a culture that makes it easier for such people to go unchecked.

The urge to dismiss and ignore the talent and skill, and often the contributions an artist and their work has made to the culture, when they're outed for being a terrible person comes from the same place that the urge to downplay, excuse, or explain away the terrible behavior and actions of an artist when you like their work. It's an urge born of trying to separate oneself from and create distance between yourself as a consumer of that person's art, regardless of your feelings about it, and that person's actions. While the latter might be more about wanting to continue to enjoy that art without guilt, both still come from that same urge, which is rooted in the same cultural mindset that has protected these kinds of people for so long: that horrible people who behave in horrible ways either aren't capable of creating great art, or that their skill and their contributions to the culture are more important than the bad things they might do.

This is a mindset that has allowed abusers in creative fields to go unchecked for so, so, so long. And it's one that we contribute to, most of the time without realizing it, in part because of the way we react to these kinds of stories breaking. Quite a bit of the "downplay and excuse their behavior" reactions have a lot to do with the parasocial relationships people develop with the artists and celebrities they're fans of. But the fact that there is that other side of the reaction, so many people who react with that "well I always thought their stuff sucked" kind of comment demonstrates, in my opinion, that those "downplay and excuse" reactions aren't purely about the parasocial stuff. That the reason that's the reaction they have to the artist/celebrity they have that parasocial relationship is because the cultural mindset surrounding artists in this regard - that idea that their contributions to their art and the culture either make them incapable of being horrible or it makes their horrible behavior worthy of less consideration - is so strong and prevalent.

Yeah, it's entirely possible that plenty of people who have that "I always thought their stuff sucked" reaction really did always think that their stuff sucked. But it's, at best, an entirely unhelpful and self-focused reaction to hearing the news that some artists or celebrity is a horrible person, and one that's shaped by this cultural mindset I'm talking about. Without that mindset being such a present thing in our culture, there would be no reason to have that kind of reaction, and certainly no reason to have it publicly. And every time someone posts that kind of reaction to social media, it just reinforces that cultural mindset even more.