#thank GOD I saved it when I did bc moments later it crashed

[torra-and-the-toons]

I hope I'm not intruding much of your time with my request but what are your thoughts or what do the Little Traitor Dudes for Children's Defense (ltdfcd) look in your style?

I know it might be a weird ask but they are so underrated!! Silly little surfer kids with a dork of a dad! I still love your art style btw, Keep up the amazing work!💙

No, no you're not intruding at all!! I'm loving these requests tbh, especially characters I wouldn't think to draw otherwise! It's not weird to ask for them! :> Thank you SO much for your kind words, y'all are too sweet fr ; - ; Sorry it took so long to get to this one.

Some call them surfers but I just call them locals, being from California lmao. This one looked really weird in the usual black and white sketch style so I colored it :> They deserve some fun in the sun.

[questionablepastries]

Wahoo I beat armored core (just now now!) thoughts below (and spoilers of course)

I can’t believe they made me fight an upgraded balteus lmao but what balteus wasn’t ready for was an upgraded ME 😈

Good game! Visually very very pretty to look at, mentally I’m clapping a lot at the credits rn lol

And the choices the game made me do lol aaaaaghhh. I almost considered putting the game down for the day when it asked me to betray carla. Same thing with eliminating G1 Michigan, only because I thought VIII Pater was my friend (turns out he’s sick in da head!! Scary guy. Really lives up to his AC name “dual nature” whew) less messed up arquebus members the better. In the end I went with ayre all the way but not because I like ayre but because of 2 things

1) carla she did try to kill me once (she made up for it by saving my ass out of prison tho)

2) (the more important reason why I sided with Ayres idea) — who knows what the ecosystem of the planet would be like with the complete removal of coral, not to mention coral is semi sentient so it’d be like super massacre if I went with Carla (and Walters) idea of destroying it all. ALSO, the destruction of the giant space ship crashing into that coral harvesting place, like what would life be like for the rubiconians? Even worse? Nobody has their interests in minds bc as far as they’re concerned they’re always caught in the middle of some corporation war, so if I sided with Carla it’d be adding fuel to that corporation war fire :(

Like ayre says at the end though, I’m sure we can avoid a fires of ibis situation 2.0 if we work really hard together. 621 is a human that didn’t lose their mind completely after contact with coral voices and maybe it has to do with the fact that they’re a fourth generation human (since the later generations worked out the kinks of not having to hear coral anymore)

Also. During the very sad heartbreaking (for me) killing carla mission, do u know how excited I was to beat the shit out of snail lmao

After reading that his augmentations were only perfected thanks to who knows how many innocent deaths, and his mind re-education shenanigans I’ve hated his ass since DAY ONE. Even IF he’s a sassy funny guy

Ok the ps just told me the trophy for this ending is called liberator of rubricon. Whatever ending that is lol idk what ppl are calling it

God I already miss Walter why’d they make me kill him too lol

ON THAT NOTE I MISS RUSTY I THINK WALTER MAY HAVE KILLED HIM. I’m gonna stick to anime rules for this one and that’s “no body seen no death” yup rusty is still out there (<- copium)

Oh wow ok I guess NG+ just starts like that huh, that’s ok w me I’ll do a NG+ run just to see the other endings, they better not make me actually kill rusty tho that’d break my heart more than it did to take out carla and chatty : (

Also pvp is fun but I’m ok at it lol I keep losing a ton but I’ve had a couple of close matches and won like 4 matches so far

Oh right about snail tho, back in the Carla mission? I was talking mad shit while fighting him like “I ALREADY BEAT YOUR DATA IN THE ARENA YOU THINK YOURE HOT SHIT??” that sorta thing. And u know how dissapointed I was that I didn’t kill him right then and there? His ass escaped that ass beating. Don’t matter tho I terminated his ass for good when he was riding that toddler ass upgraded baby chair balteus 2.0

Idk how from soft does it but they keep making these super super climatic boss fights and super fucking awesome attack patterns that are both visually appealing and difficult to evade/survive but when you do it’s like you’re really in the fight in that moment it’s awesome :) this happened with balteus, balteus 2 purple laser moment, and the fuckinnggggg icewormmmm, malenia elden ring comes to mind (alongside demon souls king of storm)

And I can’t believe they got me with the sekiro monkey “it’s not dead! It’s getting up again!” Moment too god damn that flying boss whew, sad the game wouldn’t let me use that boss’ sweet ass wings as a part to equip :(

Rusty really warmed up to me, initially I was a hater because his ass was always setting me up with these missions that always had an extra lil spice in them meant to kill me or set me up in some way (probably arquebus’ fault) but he…. Waghhhggg………”the first to join” ok cool….ty for being so eager to reunite with me rusty…I honestly thought he was dead after the ice worm mission….and the fucking line he says “there’s only one person who can keep up with me” with 621 in on the comm to listen in on….what are we…….(we’re buddies…)

Great game. And amazing cast of characters, like maybe it’s the voice acting that really nailed it but for me to care about a bunch of people (g1 Michigan…..) that you never actually see in game and only hear is wild lol

I do not care for ayre tho. I’m sorry I’m a hater, she always said some common sense stuff like “remember to dodge” baby we been on how many missions together now please. If she was a deep voiced lady I would’ve been on my hands and knees tho, and if she had a male voice I’d be even worse lol

Cortana ass!!!! Anyways cutest ayre moment was 621 and her watching these giant nuke missles hit a massive structure and she’s like (cutely) “they’re really like fireworks” & I had to laugh and be like we gotta get u some real fireworks ayre they don’t look like this gsvdvdvd

Right and do u know how much I was pogging when the fake raven or Rather the Real Raven showed up??? Damn what was that guys situation about and their handler too? Hmmmmm (dlc potential?)

Fun ass game! Slow start but momentum wise it keeps speeding up and then the end is like WHAM did ya like it and I gotta be like YEAH. I DID. Now I have the urge to play the other endings in ng+ since my AC is geared the fuck up to handle anything I feel like. Kinda wish the pacing at the start stayed the whole way as in slow pacing the entire game with the game letting me kill more shounen protagonist types lol (although that would mean killing ppl like Rusty hmmm my sadism for wanting more murder of naive protagonist types and love for rusty is like oil and water when it comes to that idea lol)

One complaint tho just one, the ost can be somewhat lacking. It has its moments tho!! There’s like 3 tracks that really kill it, and they’re at important moments too. Iceworm, balteus 2.0/snail showdown, and Carla fight are good. The rest went over my head tho sowwy

Now that I’ve achieved credits in this game im a certified armored core fan (even tho this is my first one) and I’m glad this game is getting attention! I really hope they release more AC games bc this kicked ass, maybe they can take a break before taking that on though, because every single mission is pretty breath taking visually, and MASSIVE in terms of sheer size sometimes like damn. Lots of love!

[halinski]

I just wanted to say that I love that you ran the acesterek week! I think there are just so many challenges going on right now that it's a bit oversaturated perhaps? Plus there are just fewer ace folk around comparatively, but I'm glad I got to participate! I saw you like buddie and Sterek, so I'd love a ficlet based on 'Drinking Song for the Socially Anxious' by The Amazing Devil for either of them? Ace content for bonus points? Thank you again! :) Have a great day!

This is not proofread or beta-d or anything bc I was too nervous to ask anyone rip

And I was in such a groove, writing the scenario the song had me imagine that I didn't focus on including ace talk but you know I headcanon both on as ace!!

Hope you like it 💖

"You’re lying on some coats," comes the spectacular conclusion after the door opens.

The foreign bedroom is dark, illuminated only by the light spilling in from the hallway and what little comfort he'd had from the street light visible through the window. Stiles had hoped he would go unnoticed in the mess of clothes but of course his hopes had immediately been shattered. It was par of the course. He was hiding in the coat room on a stranger's bed, after all. Not the desirable teenage life everyone dreamed of.

"Yep," he replies, making sure to add the twisting trill of sarcasm to his tone because, "I know."

The dark shadow doesn't move further into the room, nor think about closing the door to protect them from the thumping clamor of the party downstairs. Exactly what he'd been trying to escape, so Stiles groans and waves a hand.

"You're letting the party in."

A moment later, the door falls shut and Stiles sighs in relief, succumbing to his recovery in the dark. He just needs to summon enough energy to be able to make it back through the house and get home without crashing straight into a stop sign. Conveniently that also gave him enough time to sober up. Although he played with risks and sped straight past rules, he would never do anything stupid with alcohol. Not after all he'd seen it could do through his dad... Professionally, as well as personally.

A shadow falls over him and dread bolts through him like lightning. He gasps, jumping up and--

"AAAAAahh oh my fucking God, Derek! You can't just-" let's himself fall back down, nearly brining himself on the headboard. "Warn a guy, Jesus christ. You can't just sneak up on people like that."

He's still trying to catch his breath from the shock while Derek has the audacity to just stand there silently like he's actually some kind of axe murderer in the dark. His aesthetic would fit that career path well enough.

Stiles groans, pressing his palms against his eyes, trying to bury, bury, calm, save his energy. This was the last thing he needed. And from the really attractive Derek Hale, at that. Mysterious, quiet, superstar golden boy who showed up to ace everything he set his hands on at school and then disappearing. He only really hung out with Erica and Boyd, who are also aloof and distanced and just as hot and untouchable.

Derek finally speaks, only to parrot his entrance phrase. "You're lying on the coats."

"My life just flashed before my eyes, you ass. God."

Another short silence.

"How did you know it was me?" Derek sounds a lot smaller than his presence in the school halls.

Stiles stops short.

"I- uh, I'm very observant if you didn't know. A+ observer over here, even without the gift of much vision right now. There's your voice and the tall, the-the hair up, leather jacket or whatever and i- I mean I'm quick, you know? I know everyone. I could- i could recognize both Lydia and Jackson by scent alone. It's not just you, I mean-who doesn't know you. Jackson wishes he were you." Stiles laughs nervously." I swear I'm not weird, okay? I'm not a creeper like Matt, trust me... Fuck, how can you trust me when you don't even know who I am? I... "

Stiles trails off. Derek doesn't know who he is. He could make his escape before this situation got even more awkward and branded him as a social outcast forever. Sitting up quickly, he gages his escape route. He could totally make it, there was only a slight fog left in his head.

"Actually, I'm just-" He gestures past Derek.

"Stiles."

"What?"

"You're Stiles," Derek repeats, lightly like he hasn't just butchered Stiles whole future social life in Beacon Hills. He'll have to leave the state. Maybe go straight to England. Or better yet, Australia, where he could get devoured by an alligator ten times his size.

And Derek is just amused.

"Okay. Fine, whatever, it's me. You win. What are you even doing here? Party's downstairs." Stiles is trying to sound irritated, he really is but all he can really think of is that /Derek knows he is/. Derek can recognize him in the dark. Derek hasn't laughed at and left him to sulk alone in the coat room. Derek is...

... sitting down next to him?

Stiles blinks.

"Well, I was going to grab Erica and Boyd's jacket so we could get out of here," Derek starts slowly, voice as soft and careful as his movement onto the bed. Is this what Derek is like when he's not running across the court, basketball secure and flink, steel in his hand, voice booming through the gym?

As fast as his heart is racing and cheeks burning from the butterflies that decided to ambush him, he's feeling a lot more comfortable and settled now than he did 5 minutes ago. The commotion downstairs and outside has blurred into background noise, he streetlight not breaking hard against the dark of the night but painting the world in a soft gray... Stiles suddenly felt ready to take on the world.

Snorting, he turns to meet Derek's eyes, a calm blend of dark ash. "But now you've decided to humor the nerd hiding in the coat pile out of pity?"

It's a defense mechanism, putting the worst life could do out there into words so it couldn't take him by surprise. Stiles was desperately hoping he would be proven wrong.

"But you seem to be enjoying this party just as much as I am."

Stiles averts his gaze for a moment, sticking his hands under his thighs so they would stop moving. He couldn't scare Derek off now.

"Oh, you don't enjoy watching everyone you sit in class with strip and grind on each other?" Stiles asks and brusts out laughing at Derek's grimace.

"Well, feel free to join me here in this super cool, improvised Batcave. I mean, misery loves company, right?"

"Something like that." There's that amused one again, and as Stiles looks over again, this time it's Derek who ducks his head bashfully, giving Stiles the last bit of courage to embrace this wholeheartedly. He pulls his phone up from his side, and untangles one of the earbuds for Derek.

"I was watching cat videos before you so rudely interrupted but I could be pursuaded to consider other options if you have any interesting suggestions," he explains as he pops in the other earbud and settled into a comfortable position next to Derek, careful not to get too close. He knows he can be a little too touchy feely for some people and Derek seems like a no touchy kind of guy.

But the teen surprises him when he leans in enough to brush Stiles' shoulder as he imparts his attention to the cracked phone screen.

"I dressed my cat as Batman for Halloween, once," Derek so casually informs him and Stiles nearly chokes.

"You did not!"

Derek nods with a grin. "He wouldn't let me come near him for a week after that."

"I need to see those photos before we proceed to do anything else. It is a prerequisite. I don't make the rules but that is a thing I cannot live without seeing." Maybe Stiles should really dial it down a bit but any coherent thoughts flew straight out the window as he watched Derek immediately pull up his photo gallery and thumb to a cat picture folder titled 'Salem' to show him the whole photo shoot, because that's when he knew he was already in head over heels.

[fvrxdrm]

Last Night (Leon Kennedy x Reader)

Pairing: Infinite Darkness!Leon x GN!Reader

Warning(s): Implied sex

This is about a dream I had a few nights ago. I added a few things at the end bc the ending in my dream didn’t make sense but I’ll explain it later at the end notes.

*****

“Ugh! She’s a fucking headache!”

The coolness of the air conditioning in the briefing room dried up the remaining sweat on your back and forehead and your hands went disgustingly sticky with the clamminess clinging into your palm. Fatigued and dozy you were, you were sure you were going to pass out right there in your seat.

You, along with your partner, Leon, were tasked to save Ashley Graham again, this time in a more urban part of Italy. When the president told you about her getting kidnapped again, you legit rolled your eyes and Leon nudged your side when he saw the subtle gesture you displayed. Had Leon had the audacity to disrespect people who had higher power than him in his line of work, he would’ve flipped the president off and took the both of you to a nearby bar. He wasn’t like that though, much to your dismay. He still had that “mama’s boy” attitude in him even when he left some of it during his “rookie day” or night or something.

You were close to rioting that time. They were going to send you to that fucking mission again with only the two of you and hand you both shitty-ass pistols with ten fucking bullets. Who the fuck does that? Wouldn’t you send the whole team if you, the president of the United fucking States, had a daughter that’s been kidnapped? Also, why the fuck didn’t they enhance the fucking security level? Hello? Parenting 101?

Leon crashed onto the couch beside you, making you bounce a bit, before shaking his hair from the grease and dampness his locks held. “Agreed. I might’ve lost my ears right there…again,” he grunted as he stretched his arms above his head and managed to pop a few joints in the process. “Wanna grab a few drinks after this?”

With your head leaned against the back of the couch, you turned to look at your friend with jaded eyes and a lazy smile. You nodded in response and slapped a hand on his thigh. “Sure.”

*****

You may or may not have had one too many drinks and danced around like a fucking worm on crack. Leon had one of his arms wrapped around your waist and a glass of whiskey in his free hand as he ground against your skirt-clad ass while you responded back with the same enthusiasm as him. Both of you were drunk, that’s for sure. Not only with pure intoxication, but also with a sinful desire; something you two unknowingly shared on nights where fingers worked their magic to bring you both to a blissful high. You knew they weren’t enough to satisfy your wants, but they were enough to calm your racing thoughts temporarily instead of committing to a one-time thing and bringing awkwardness in the atmosphere, at least you thought it would’ve been a one-time thing.

Leon whispered naughty things into your ear, things he wouldn’t have said had he been conscious enough to stop himself from making a move, and boldly dipped a finger in your skirt and rubbed your pussy through your underwear. He was going to make love to you, he said, and he would make sure that you would be his. You bit your lip as you moaned at his words. He was hot and you would gladly let him fuck you anytime, anywhere. And so, you agreed.

*****

Ring. Ring. Ring.

The provoking sound of your phone pulled you away from your dream. Your fantasy was so close to getting to the good part. Leon was about to fucking kiss you and then somebody decided to fucking wake you up! You sighed. If somebody woke you up this early then you guessed it was really important. So, despite being piqued and groggy from the sudden sound, you picked your phone up from the night stand beside your bed, not even thinking about how different your room looked, and checked the time before answering the call. “Hello?” You spoke, your voice raspy and your throat feeling like a thousand knives were stabbed into it. You also took note of how your head felt like you were banging it against the wall with so much speed and vigor and attempted to ease it down with a simple massage but to no avail.

“Morning, Y/N!”, the voice from the other line boomed, causing your agonizing condition to aggravate even more.

Ashley

You groaned at the contrasting enthusiasm the girl had and you had to slam the phone on the mattress to ground yourself and keep you from dying. “Can you keep your voice down? I have a headache right now and it would be much appreciated if you could calm down,” you said after bringing your device back to your ear.

“Oh, sorry. I was just going to ask if you could meet me in the church later? I wanted to talk to you about something while we get everything set for my wedding tomorrow. I tried calling Leon, but he wouldn’t answer. Can you do me a favor of telling him about it too?”

“Yeah, yeah. I’ll call him.”

“Thanks, Y/N! I’ll see you later,” she said. The call ended with a series of beeps and you slammed your phone on the bed again with your eyes shut tight in irritation.

I cannot deal with that girl again. Especially now that I’m hungover… But who am I to deny the president’s fucking daughter…?

You sighed.

Welp, time to call Leon.

You raised your phone up parallel to your face and was about to press Leon’s saved contact name when you suddenly felt an arm wrap around your torso. Your heart pounded. With eyes opened wide and brain waking up from its slumber in an instant, you slowly turned your head towards your left and almost screamed at what you saw…or rather who you saw.

Leon.

His chest was exposed to the warmth of the morning air, hair strands clamped together by oil and sweat that was starting to form on his skin. He was still deep in his slumber and you noticed how the round bulge tucked in his eyelids moved around as if he was exploring something in his dream.

Never had you and Leon shared a bed together. Those times where he would come over to your place for a drink? He would always insist that he could just crash into your couch in order to avoid invading your privacy.

You panicked at the situation you were in. You grabbed the hem of your blanket and yanked it up to check if anything did happen, and surprise, surprise; something did. You were both naked and you felt something drying up down there. You also started taking notice of how your vagina felt sore from probably getting pounded and fucked silly last night-

Oh, right! Last night.

You vaguely remembered how Leon touched your body while you two were getting drunk. You two were getting a bit too flirty and began groping each other here and there, getting more and more suggestive as minutes passed, pie-eyed and unconscious with how you were treating each other as more than friends.

Every corner and every wall your eyes passed was becoming a void of something dark, something you became anxious of. What happened would forever change your friendship and your relationship with him for sure. Hell, you weren’t even sure if he was going to stay by your side starting from when he wakes up in a few minutes. And as much as you wanted to go back and prevent that from happening, you couldn’t, and you had to face the music whether you liked or not.

*****

Sure enough, when you woke Leon up, everything was awkward. No words were exchange from when you prepared for the day, breakfast, and until Leon drove you both to the location Ashley had told you to go to. The silence rose hysteria in both of your minds. You were going fucking crazy. You were fidgety when you sat beside Leon in the passenger seat and the man would bounce his leg up and down when you hit a red light. You both were trying to avoid taking a glance at each other, but those inevitable moments that you did, you would forcefully smile at each other and then gaze back out the window again. That was the cycle you lived on for a few hours and you decided to let it stay like that until one of you broke the atmosphere.

You waited inside the church as you were told. It was only the two of you inside but you acted like a handful of people were sitting beside you with the amount of space that was left unfilled between you. You were biting your lip and focusing on the pillars and stones that made up the building until you couldn’t process anything that was happening anymore and stood up, studying the interior as you roamed. “Hey,” you heard somebody whisper behind you. You looked down to your wrist when you felt something warm and saw a fairly large hand loosely gripping onto it before looking up to see Leon’s eyes gazing into yours. You nearly got lost in them but thankfully, he spoke before you got stuck into your own stupor. “I just wanna say… I’m sorry. I-it’s not gonna change everything that happened but I don’t want to break what we have. I value you and our friendship too much for me to let it go. I don’t think we can forget about last night but if it makes you feel better…I-I-“

“Can we talk about this outside? I don’t think it’s appropriate for us to talk about it here,” you chuckled. Leon nodded in agreement before leading you out to where a garden caught your attention. “Listen Leon, I know we can’t just pretend nothing happened but… I don’t wanna let go of this either. I value this as much as you do and it would be crazy stupid for me just to just hate you for something we weren’t even conscious about or something,” you said. You both laughed in relief as the weight on your shoulders dissipated into thin air before you placed a gentle palm on his cheek. Again, no words were shared but this time, no anxiety was present. Instead, you felt like this was an intimate moment only the two of you shared. Something was being written in the stars and you saw every word the gods wrote in the eyes of the person in front of you both.

As cheesy as it sounded, you two felt like magnets were pulling you towards each other, physically and mentally, and in a matter of seconds, you found your lips being pressed against Leon’s.

It was like you were recreating what happened last night without even knowing the details, except this was slower, more sensual, and certainly more emotional, and you couldn’t help the tears that flowed freely against your cheeks.

“Come on, let’s ditch Ashley. Maybe we could relive what happened last night?”

*****

Okay, so in my dream, Ashley’s not getting married and she didn’t call me. Instead, what happened was after the bar scene, Leon and I got teleported in front of the altar and just fucking talked. And then we walked outside and what happened in the end of this fic happened in my dream. Lol.

I rushed this bc I’m tired.

[awindylife-writes]

Voyage of the Damned Part 2

Relationships: the Doctor x reader, Astrid x reader (platonic), Astrid x Doctor (platonic)

Summary: Voyage of the Damned rewrite. The Doctor and you find yourselves on the Titanic, space edition. You meet Astrid and get ready for a wonderful day, but then a meteor shower hits the ship and it starts falling towards Earth.

Author's notes: There was a number of things l didn't like about this Christmas special so again, l rewrote it.

Warnings: a ship crashes, multiple mentions of dearth bc a lot of people die

"Oi, Steward! I'm telling you, the shields are down!" a new man yelled.

"LISTEN TO HIM! LISTEN TO HIM!" the Doctor desparately screamed in the Steward's face. The two crewmen let him go and you didn't know it, but it was too late.

A moment later the ship started rocking like it was being torn apart, because it was. You lost your footing and fell back as everything turned sideways.

"Y/N!!!!" you heard the Doctor's terrified scream through the noise of the ship's destruction and the cries of other passengers. You couldn't even get a good look at where he was before something in the walls exploded and you threw yourself away.

You found Astrid near you and thank god for that. "I've got you!" you yelled over the noise and gripped her tight as you tried to shield her from the hell around you.

Then there were arms around you too, holding you up and protecting you. You knew those arms.

The Doctor had found you and the three of you clung to each other in that madness. You could feel each shudder of the ship like a wave of an earthquake. You tried to keep yourself steady and upright but you were the snow in a snowglobe someone was shaking. Balance was a mith and everything was being ripped apart. Various pieces of equipment were falling on all sides, there was fire burning all around you; you could feel its heat on your skin and you breathed its smoke. You felt sick from being thrown around but you were too terrified to hurl.

You couldn't close your eyes even though you wanted to. Everything in you was screaming to watch out for danger, but there was so much of it around you you didn't know where to look. You stared at disaster over Astrid's shoulder and the Doctor's arm. Shadow and light mixed into a disorienting mess and the shades the fire threw joined the dance. You coudn't distinguish what was near and what was far but you still looked.

The only thing you could do was clutch Astrid and the Doctor with all the strength you possessed and wish they wouldn't be harmed.

Finally you were thrown to the side in one last bang and then it stopped. You were lying on the floor and partly on the Doctor. He was on his back, still holding you and Astrid.

After a breath he let go, then stood up and swiftly looked around. You sat up, thankful you were still in one piece. You let go of Astrid enough to check her over and relief washed over you when you found out she was unharmed. You were about to yell if everyone was okay but the Doctor sushed you. After a moment of absolute silence he quetly declared, "It's stopping."

He then looked down at you in worry and offered you a hand. "You alright?"

As you quietly nodded, he looked over at your friend. "Astrid?"

She nodded too and took the hand he'd offered her. He pulled both of you to your feet.

"Bad name for a ship," he told you, scowling. "Either that, or this suit is really unlucky."

"We'll get you a new one and then we'll test that theory," you smiled weakly at him.

He looked at you, grateful, and then you heard Astrid suck in a breath.

The three of you looked down at the unlucky officer who was on the ground close to you. The Doctor kneeled to check him over. You saw him shake his head at the Steward and your stomack turned to stone.

~

The Steward was dead now too. You looked out the door with the Doctor, at the wreckage and the distant Earth. Still beautiful, you thought to yourself. You were a bit dazed, nothing felt real and everything was too real at the same time.

You knew you never wanted to feel so powerless again, but you also knew that drive was in you still. You would help where you could.

You gathered yourself and asked, "What happened?"

"How come the shields were down?" Astrid demanded a second later. You jumped, you hadn't noticed her there. She smiled gently at you, blue eyes kind, and caressed your shoulder. You managed a small, grateful smile in return.

"I don't think it was an accident," the Doctor growled. You figured that.

"How many dead?" Astrid and you asked in one voice, both looking at the Steward's body out in space. She was indignant though, while you were simply sad.

"We're alive," the Doctor answered her and then looked at you. "Focus on that," he told you gently. He knew what people being hurt did to you.

"I'll get you out of here," his voice was soft but firm. Then he turned to Astrid and you followed his eyes. She was trembling, still looking out at the result of the hell you all had endured. You took her hand into yours and squeezed it.

"I will get you both out of here," the Doctor assured her. "Astrid, l promise. Look at me." He held her shoulders and when she found his eyes, he assured her again, "I promise."

You were glad, because when the Doctor promised something, it happened. You needed her to live. Even if she'd want nothing to do with you after this, you needed her to live. Even if she had been anyone else, you would have done your damnest to ensure she survived, but Astrid was extraordinary. To think about the universe without her?

No. No.

After she nodded shakily, he concluded, "Good," and turned around. He went on about reception but you tuned him out. Instead, you looked Astrid in the eye and then pulled her closer. She gratefully accepted the hug.

"You heard what the Doctor said and l'll say it too. I promise we'll get you out of here." You squeezed her shoulder in emphasis.

She breathed deeply and slowly let go. Then she smiled and her bright eyes crincled. "Thank you," she told you gratefully. You nodded and swung your still joined hands.

"You know, l met you about two hours ago, but now l think l've known you for years," she said in wonder.

"Yeah?" you asked her and she nodded, still smiling. "I feel that way too," you told her, giddy in this moment. You both grinned at each other.

"Oh," the Doctor's sad voice cut through.

You whirled around. "What is it what's wrong?"

"That's the TARDIS over there," he told you and you desparately searched for the blue box with your eyes. He was right, it was spinning in zero gravity, so close but still out of your reach.

"What is that?" Astrid asked in confusion.

"It's our ship," you told her, throat tight. "It's our home."

"And it's programmed to lock onto the nearest centre of gravity, and that would be the Earth."

~

You took care of the other passengers with Astrid as the Doctor talked to the bridge. You overheard enough to know the picture.

"Are we going to die?" Foon asked and everything started going downhill.

The Doctor sushed the frightened passengers. "First things first," he began in a determined voice. "One, we're gonna climb through this ship. B, no, two, we're gonna reach the bridge. Three, or c, we're gonna save the Titanic. And, coming in a very low four, or d, or that little iv in brackets they use in footnotes, follow me."

Good, that was good, you thought to yourself. Always good to establish a goal.

"Hang on a minute." The fricking billionare decided to show he's an ass. "Who put you in charge?" he demanded. "And who the hell are you anyway."

"I'm the Doctor. I'm a Time Lord." Sparks flew behind him and he was suddenly bigger than everyone in the hall.

"I'm from the planet Gallifrey in the constellation of Casterbourus." You were grinning like mad. You could almost hear magestic music playing.

"I'm nine hundred and three years old, and l'm the man who's gonna save your lives and all six billion people on the planet below. And she's gonna help," he interjected, looking at you. "Have you got a problem with that?" he asked the billionare.

"No," the man admitted, baffled.

The Doctor turned to you. "In that case..."

"Allons-y," you said for him with a smile and started walking. You turned back, grinning at the group as the Doctor fell into step with you. You found Astrid with your eyes and nodded your head for her to join you.

~

"This whole thing could come crashing down any minute!" the billionare whined as he helped you clear the staircase of debris.

"Oh, Brixton, did you get that message?" you asked him sweetly.

He frowned in confusion. "No, what message?"

"Shut up," you told him, not covering up your annoyance.

Then you heard from above, "Bannacafalata, made it!"

You climbed up behind Astrid. You weren't about to leave her alone on this bloody ship.

~

Foon's screams echoed in the chasm. Death, death, all around you death, whywhywhywhy WHY?!?!

~

"Alright, when it's ready, that blue light comes on there," the Doctor pointed at the spot on the battery Bannacafalata had given you. Another person you hadn't been able to save.

Astrid frowned. "You're talking as if you two aren't coming with us."

"There's something down on deck thirty-one," you told her, "and we're gonna find out what it is."

"But what if you meet a Host?" She was worried about you and the thought melted your heart.

"Well, then we'll just..." The Doctor wiggled his eyebrows at you, smiling, "have some fun."

"Sounds like you two do this kinda thing all the time," Astrid added nonchalantly.

"Not by choice," you assured her, voice soft.

"Yeah, all we do is travel," the Doctor pitched in.

"Imagine it," you told her, suddenly wishing with all your heart you were out there, with her in the stars. "No stakes, no bills, no boss. Just the open sky." The wonder you felt when you thought about all you've seen seeped into your voice. There was all that space out there, so much room to wonder, so many skies to see.

"I'm sort of, uh, unemployed? Um, now," she answered as you looked at her expectantly. "I was thinking that blue box is, kinda small," she raised her eyebrows, "but l could... squeeze in? Like a stowaway!" Her eyes were so full of hope and your heart was bursting.

"It's not always safe," the Doctor's voice cut through the feeling. And you remembered. You remembered Foon and Morvin and Bannacafalata. How could you have forgotten???

"So you two need someone to take care of you," she protested. "I've got no one back on Stoe, no family. Just... me." She looked at you, blue eyes pleading. "So what do you think? Can l come with you?"

The Doctor smiled and looked at you. You were already grinning and nodding at Astrid, so incredibly happy. It was decided. "Yeah, we'd like that," the Doctor answered while you nodded on enthusiastically.

Her lips stretched into a wide grin and you pulled her close. You hugged her tightly, with a bright future ahead of you.

And then all three of you fell to the ground as the room shook.

~

"All charged up!" the Doctor yelled as the blue light came on. You all hurried back to the two waiting men. "Mister Copper, look after her; Astrid, look after him." He pointed at them. "Brixton, um..." he trailed off at a loss for words. "Look after yourself," he finally finished.

"We'll see you again," you reassured Astrid. "I promise." You steadily held her gaze so she knew you meant it.

And then you were off, running to the door on the other side of the hall.

"Hold on!" she called after you. "There's an old tradition on Stoe!"

"We've really got to go," the Doctor told her and you swatted his arm.

"Just wait a minute!" she yelled as she ran up to you.

She stopped in front of you, cradled your face and deftly kissed your cheek. "You'll get the other when you come back," she told you, smiling, then turned to the Doctor and did the same.

"See you later!" she called after you when you turned to leave.

"Not if l see you first!" you told her over your shoulder, a huge grin splitting your face.

"What she said," the Doctor joined in.

After seeing Astrid smile in turn, you were gone.

[fallin-4-ya]

Precautionary Purposes

cedric diggory x reader

summary: you and cedric have been best friends for years; but ever since ginny suggested you dip your toes in the dating world, you find your dates becoming more and more horrible with no explaination.

request: please write a fic about a fem hufflepuff reader who’s best friends with Cedric, they both are in love w each other but can’t work up the courage to confess bc they don’t think it’s mutual and it might ruin their friendship. So maybe Ginny tells her she should start going on dates, so George, Dean and other guys ask her on different dates, and Cedric can’t stand it so he finds ways to sabotage their dates.

warnings: mentions vomit once but besides that none!

You finally sat in the Hufflepuff common room after a long day of classes. Excited to catch up on your favorite book, you took a seat on the yellow velvet couch closest to the fireplace. As soon as you were cozy and began reading, a certain distraction entered the common room. Cedric Diggory. The boy you had basically been head over heels in love with since third year. Cedric was everything you could dream about in a guy; he was tall, devilishly handsome, incredibly kind and loyal. On paper he was nothing short of perfect, but there was an itty-bitty problem. He was your absolute best friend and he had no romantic feelings for you whatsoever. So rather than admitting anything, you saved your friendship the trouble and buried your feelings for him deep, deep down. Although they did have a nasty habit of making their way to the surface every once in a while.

‘Hello, Earth to Y/N.’ Said Cedric and pulled you out of your trance.

‘Oh! Hey, Ced. How’s your day been?’ you questioned into his dreamy eyes.

‘Not bad, the Weasley twins played a great prank in-‘ he started, but you lost him somewhere after the Weasley Twins. You couldn’t help yourself but to get distracted by every sense of his being. This boy was going to be the absolute death of you. You had it bad. Really bad.

The next day you headed over to Ginny at breakfast. You slammed your books onto the Gryffindor table and took a seat beside her. She looked you up and down and smiled.

‘Wow, Y/N. You look terrible.’ Ginny said jokingly, ‘Got a case of the Diggory’s do you?’

‘Very funny, Ginny.’ Sarcasm dripping from your tongue.

‘I just don’t understand what you two are waiting for. I mean, he clearly likes you, and you clearly like him, so I’m not seeing the problem.’ She remarked back.

‘Well,’ you said getting frustrated, ‘what do you suppose I do about it, Gin.’

‘If I were you,’ offered Ginny, ‘I’d probably go on a date or two. You know, distract myself, keep my options open.’

‘Keep my options open…’ you pondered aloud, ‘Thanks, Ginny!’

The day following breakfast was very uneventful. Well, at least before Ginny told her brothers about the conversation you two had at breakfast. The next thing you knew after charms, you had a very attractive younger Weasley Twin approach you in the corridors, asking you to accompany him to Hogsmeade tomorrow. You blushed furiously and nodded your head yes.

(‘Like, um, on a date?’ ‘Yes, Y/N, like a date.’)

When you headed to the common room later that evening you were stopped by a rather stern looking Cedric. ‘Hey, Ced. Are you alright?’ you questioned, raising your brow.

‘Why didn’t you tell me you were going on a date with George Weasley?!’ he said.

‘Oh, um, I don’t know. I just didn’t think it was that important. Plus I just assumed you didn’t want to know and-‘

‘What makes you think I didn’t want to know?’ Cedric asked deadpanned. But before you could think of an answer he brushed off, ‘You know what, never mind. I’m sorry I said anything. You two will have a great time. Good night, Y/N.’ And with that he was off, leaving you stood absolutely bewildered in the Hufflepuff common room, wondering why Cedric was so concerned about a silly little date.

The very next day next day you were sitting across from George Weasley in The Three Broomsticks. You had to admit, the afternoon was going so smoothly. George was a wonderful date: he was sweet, funny and kind; but there was one problem, he wasn’t Cedric. And although as much as you wished the cute ginger in front of you could distract you, it was of no use.

However, a loud crash pulled you out of your thoughts; and before you had any time to react, you and George were covered in sticky butterbeer. Madame Rosmerta apologized profusely, ‘Oh my goodness, it's like I tripped on thin air. I’m sorry, my darlings!’

Suddenly you saw a hand reach out and give you a towel, ‘You alright there, Y//N?’ Cedric said revealing himself, ‘We were sitting over there and watched the whole thing happen. Rotten luck, Weasley.’

‘No problem, Diggory. Me and Y/N were just finishing up anyways.’ He smiled sweetly at you and glared at Cedric, ’Why don’t we head back to the castle and get you cleaned up?’

And with that you and George Weasley headed back up to Hogwarts. After much chatter, you both agreed you had a wonderful time but enjoyed each other’s company better as friends. You definitely weren’t upset at the notion, especially considering the very next day Dean Thomas asked you out. Shocked but slightly satisfied, you agreed to take a walk with him by the black lake. You two were really enjoying your time together; Dean was respectful and genuine, which made your heart slightly a flutter. Not the way Cedric did of course, but enough to distract you from the Diggory’s, as Ginny liked to call it.

 Things were going well, and Dean reached out for your hand. However, as soon as he grabbed a hold of your fingertips, dung bombs erupted from his robes filling your nose with the foulest smell. 

‘I’m so sorry, Y/N!  I have no idea how those got there!’ said Dean, rushing back towards the castle. Leaving you with the second failed date of the week.

‘What’s the matter, Y/N?’ Cedric greeted you at  dinner, ‘Dean Thomas didn’t stand you up did he?’

‘Nope, even worse.’ You chuckled, ‘Dung bombs went off in his robes. You know, I’d forgotten how bloody horrible those smelt.’

 Your eyes met his and both of you bust out into hysterical laughter. With tears of joy, and tummies pain stricken from the laughs; you forgot, just for a moment, how easy it was to get lost in him.

Over the next few weeks, Lee Jordan, Ernie MacMillan and Zacharias Smith had all asked you out, each one ending more disastrous than the next. You became quickly frustrated at the pattern emerging. Someone would as you out, something would go horribly wrong and Cedric (out of all people) would be there to comfort you. It was like the whole world was out to get you, and you have had enough.

You huffed your way in the common room one evening, and plopped your way onto the couch. You felt a soft hand on your shoulder. Cedric, you sighed to yourself as he took the seat next to you.

‘Rough day?’ you nodded at him, ‘Want to talk about it?’

You exhaled softly, ‘I don’t even know anymore, Ced. I just feel like the entire world is against me when it comes to the love department. First George and the butterbeer, then Ernie and the swamp in his four poster, then Lee and the rouge bludger, then Zacharias throwing up! And do I even have to mention Dean?! It’s like everything I’m doing is wrong, Cedric. And I can’t help but to feel like it’s all my fault’ You said in all of your frustration.

‘Y/N, darling. Don’t say that, you deserve the absolute world and you know that. Besides, how could it be your fault the Zacharias ate those acid pops-‘ he stopped mid-sentence, catching himself. Your heart dropped and you turned your head slowly. 

‘Cedric, I didn’t mention anything about acid pops.’ You stated bewildered. Cedric stared at the floor, unable to meet his eyes with yours. 

‘How did you know that acid pops made Zacharias sick?’ you questioned him again, but suddenly the pieces clicked together. ‘Cedric, Madam Rosmerta didn’t trip on her own that day at The Three Broomsticks. And the dung bombs weren’t put in Dean’s robes on accident, were they? Oh my God! Cedric Diggory, have you been the one sabotaging my dates!?’

There was so much going through your mind. Why on Earth would Cedric do such a thing, you questioned to yourself. You looked up at his face searching for answers, looking for anything.

‘I’m sorry, Y/N. I’m so sorry. I just couldn’t even fathom the idea of you being with someone else because-‘ he hesitated, ‘because I love you.’

You stared at him, in shock; because the boy you have been head over heels for has just told you that he loved you. You had absolutely nothing to say, so instead of saying anything at all you crashed your lips onto his. Cedric melted into you, wrapping is hands onto your waist. You pulled away from him.

‘You know, Cedric, If you would have asked me I would have said yes.’ You smiled at him.

‘This was just for precautionary purposes, you know?’ Cedric laughed.

‘Precautionary purposes?’ you giggled back, ‘Of course, of course.’

He then pulled you into a soft kiss, and with that your case of the Diggory’s was cured.

(‘You should probably apologize to those poor boys.’ ‘Yeah I probably should’)

Author’s note: oh my goodness! i had such a wonderful time writting this! i hope you enjoy it! thank you nonnie for the request! <3

[because-of-a-friend]

Boyfriend!Seungkwan Fluff

Thanks for the request anon! I hope you like this one! Remember everyone, this is a series that I only do by request, so if I’m missing one that you want, go ahead and request it! DK was requested, so his will be out next! Someone also requested Jeonghan just now, so that one will be out right after!

MASTERLIST

Seungcheol | Jeonghan | Joshua | Jun | Hoshi | Wonwoo | Woozi | DK | Mingyu | Minghao | Seungkwan | Vernon | Dino

You’re hopelessly in love with Seungkwan

Like completely and fully

And it’s pretty obvious

I mean you make it obvious

Because you kind of want to give him some sort of signal

To gauge where he’s at so you know if you should back off or not

There’s one problem

Seungkwan is the dumbest boy in school 

(Said affectionately)

He genuinely just doesn’t realize

So completely oblivious

The other boys have a laugh watching the two of you do this dance around each other for years

And even when they’re straight up like 

“Dude, [Y/N]’s in love with you”

He’s just like 

“No, they’re just super nice to me!”

Cue Vernon hitting his head on a nearby wall out of distress

And sometimes they’ll go to you and be like 

“Just tell him you’re in love with him”

And you’re like 

“What??? Me in love with Seungkwan??? Hahahahaha, that’s hilarious!!! Where’d you get an idea like that???”

Cue Mingyu joining Vernon at the wall

You want to tell Seungkwan

You really do 

But you keep making excuses

“He’s so busy”

“Now’s not a good time”

“He shouldn’t have to worry about this right now”

“He probably doesn’t feel the same way”

So then it ends up being years that you don’t tell him how you feel

Then one day Vernon sits you down

And gets real serious about it

“Hey, I know it feels safe right now, and it seems like there’s no reason to do anything. But you know this won’t last forever right? If you want something to happen, then you have to say something. Eventually, it’s going to be too late”

And you nod solemnly along with his words

“I know, but-”

“No ‘buts’ this time, [Y/N], I don’t want to see all the potential between you and Seungkwan go to waste”

You nod silently this time

So you finally decide to do something

Their comeback was successful 

He’s super happy 

So it’s perfect timing 

You invite him to go get dinner 

You plan a whole evening and make it really nice

You make reservations at his favorite restaurant

You lowkey make index cards with what you’re planning on saying written on them

You’re waiting outside the restaurant in your nicest outfit

And Seungkwan walks up!!!!

...With Vernon and Mingyu

They both mouth apologies as they walk up 

“Hey, I hope it’s cool that I invited them along!”

“Yeah of course, the more the merrier!”

Dinner goes fine

You’re a little bit disappointed that your plans got derailed but that’s no reason to make Mingyu and Vernon suffer through an uncomfortable dinner so you try to brighten up and hang out with them as normal

Vernon notices that you have some sort of package with you

He keeps kicking you under the table to get your attention

You finally look over at him

He mouths “Give it to him”

And you’re just like “No? Why would I right now?”

And soon you two are just having this silent argument 

Then you pause 

And look over across the table

Where Mingyu and Seungkwan are staring at you like ???

“Oh sorry, we were just debating over what to get for dessert” you lie quickly

While you’re distracted, Vernon knocks the package out of your hand

“Oh hey [Y/N], you dropped this!”

If looks could kill

“Oh it looks like it’s for Seungkwan!”

Now Mingyu is playing along

“Guys, leave [Y/N] alone” Seungkwan pouts

You take a deep breath

“No, he’s right, it’s for you. It’s sort of a congratulations for the successful comeback”

Seungkwan turns bright red

“Oh... you didn’t have to”

“I wanted to! I’m really proud of you... Of all of you, I mean”

You’re dreading watching him open it in front of Vernon and Mingyu

He seems to sense that and is like 

“I’ll open it after dinner”

So you’re hoping it’s forgotten about

But after dinner, when you’re all standing outside the restaurant 

Mingyu and Vernon start bothering him to open it again

So he does

“It’s that bracelet you wanted” you say shyly

Seungkwan is just staring at it silently and slightly shocked at such a nice gift

Mingyu and Vernon are sitting there like “Woah this is super nice, [Y/N] buy one for me too”

“Whoever’s gonna marry you is so lucky”

Everyone goes silent at Seungkwan’s words

All you can manage is “huh?”

“I just mean you take care of all of us so well, whoever you marry someday is so lucky”

You freeze 

Mingyu freezes

Vernon freezes

Seungkwan smiles happily at his gift before looking up and frowning confusedly at all of your faces

“I just remembered I have tons of work to do at home, I’ll catch up with you guys later”

And then you take off

Seungkwan turns to Vernon and Mingyu and is like “What’s their problem”

They just stare back at him like 

☉▵☉

And Mingyu just shakes his head 

“Kwannie I knew you were oblivious but this...”

And then he and Vernon walk off while Seungkwan follows after them asking what everyone’s problem is

Vernon calls you later and he’s like “[Y/N] he didn’t realize”

“Yes he did Vernon, he probably knew where it was going and wanted to end it before I could say anything to save me from the embarrassment” 

“[Y/N]-”

“I don’t want to hear about it anymore Vernon, it’s over” 

After that you’re miserable

You spend a few days letting yourself be really sad, laying around in bed

You stop hanging out with the boys, and only contact them every once in awhile

Seungkwan is distressed™

He’s like “Has anyone heard from [Y/N]?”

They’re all sitting around after practice one day

“No Seungkwan”

“Has anyone tried reaching out to them?”

“No Seungkwan”

“Why not???”

“We figured we should give them space”

“Why?”

Mingyu suddenly sits up

He scrambles over to Seungkwan and is like 

“Listen to me, I’m only going to tell you this one more time. After this, I’m officially giving up on you and calling this situation hopeless, so you had better take what I’m saying seriously and actually do something about it this time”

He starts shaking Seungkwan’s shoulders with every word

“[Y/N]. IS. IN. LOVE. WITH. YOU.”

Seungkwan sits there for a second

“Are you serio-”

“OH MY GOD, GO!”

Seungkwan jumps up and looks at Coups

“Is it ok if I leave, I mean-”

“Did you not hear Mingyu? GO!”

Seungkwan sprints to your place

When he shows up at your door

You’re a sad, sleepy mess

And he’s a dazed, sweaty mess

“Seungkwan? What are you doing here?”

“Are you in love with me?”

You pause and look up at him with wide eyes

Then you look down and sigh angrily

“Vernon...”

“Actually it was Mingyu”

You pout

“He’s too tall for me to hit”

“Hey don’t get mad at Mingyu for what he did, besides we’re getting off topic. [Y/N], are you in love with me or not?”

“Is it going to change things between us if I say that I am?”

“Of course it will”

You both stare at each other for a moment

You decide to take a leap of faith

“Yes, Seungkwan, I’m in love with you”

He steps forward instantly and pulls you towards him using a hand on the back of your neck and crashes his lips against yours

You two spend the rest of the day laughing about how long it took you to confess to each other

“I just genuinely didn’t think you’d be interested in me” “Seungkwan that’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard”

“But remember that one time in front of the water fountain?” “You were trying to tell me then???” “Yes!” “You’re ridiculous”

“One time I literally tackled Mingyu to the ground to stop him from telling you” “Well it didn’t stop him from telling me today”

So your relationship becomes a chance for you two to catch up on lost time

“We really could’ve been dating this whole time, huh?”

He says one night when you’re cuddling on the couch, his arm around you, he’s pressing kisses onto your temple

“Don’t say that in such an accusatory tone, you also took forever to confess to me”

He giggles at your sass and nuzzles his face into your neck

Seungkwan wants to do all the cliche things while dating 

Picnic dates, cheesy Valentine’s Day gifts, rose petal decorations on anniversaries 

He loves to spoil you

But he also loves to be spoiled

Like absolutely loves it

Anytime you get him a gift, he fawns over it for a week straight

When you send him sweet texts, he’ll squeal about it and show everyone nearby

He acts like he hates it, but he loves when you just sit across from him and shower him with compliments

His face will turn bright red, and he’ll try to hide his expression by pushing his head under your chin, but he really does love it

When you’re dating Seungkwan, you’ll see a side of him no one else does

He’ll be very vulnerable with you

You spend many evenings holding Seungkwan in your arms as he lays his head on your chest and vents out all his problems

Literally lives for the feeling of you running your fingers through his hair

Tries out new joke material on you

But he makes you laugh whether his jokes are bad or not so it’s not actually an accurate test

You two have really cutesy shows of affection

Brushing each other’s hair out of the way, wiping food off each other’s faces, linking arms, ruffling each other’s hair

There’s an element to your relationship that’s very innocent because your love for each other is so pure

And you always want what’s best for each other and you’ll do anything to support each other through everything

The rest of the boys are suffering bc it’s always you and Seungkwan against everyone and together you’re an unstoppable chaotic force

And Seungkwan makes sure that your relationship with the other boys doesn’t change just bc y’all are dating now

He doesn’t want you to think he’ll get jealous or like he’ll change anything

But that means he still has to mediate arguments between you and Mingyu

“Y’know [Y/N], you can’t really be angry with Mingyu, he’s the reason we finally started dating”

“Who’s side are you on Kwannie???”

It also means the other boys still get to tease you two about your relationship 

But it doesn’t matter bc the two of you are just blissfully in love

Nothing can put a damper on that

[poutybinz]

We got the fluff, we got the smut, now let's get the ANGST 🙂🙂 how will the boys react to their s/o dumping them hahahaha sorry I live for angst

me too lowkey muahaha

yeonjun

“break up? what do you mean break up?”

you would literally see the joy drain from his face like

his entire world just came crashing down around him and all he wants to know is why

and even if you give him an answer, it’s not gonna make any sense to him

nothings gonna make sense, why can’t you both just work it out?

he’s frustrated and devastated and he doesn’t know who to blame and how to process this

what hurts the most about yeonjun is that he’s definitely the type to hug you and not let go in this situation

yeonjun’s lowkey toxic trait is thinking that sex can fix everything (post breakup sex is definitely a thing and it’s painful)

he attaches to you, he’s kissing at your neck and you have to push him away because that’s the last thing either of you need

but he just clings to you, hugging you tightly with his head buried in the crook of your neck

and that’s when he starts crying, when the realization that it’s really over starts to hit

he wants to kiss you, he wants to hug you

he wants you to tell him this is some stupid joke so he can order food and you can have your movie nights like you always do

the denial stage lasts really long tho, there are some days he wakes up and forgets that you’re broken up and he calls you

and when you either don’t answer or you answer and you have to remind him it’s that same heartbreak all over again

he really cannot let you go, no matter how hard he tries he just can’t

soobin

one half of the crybabies

bc he will cry and he will cry a lot

first, it’s shock. he’s stunned, and then he’s confused.

then when you explain yourself he’s filled with overwhelming disappointment because he didn’t do right by you

maybe he got comfortable and didn’t think about it enough

but the simple fact that you feel like you aren’t loved, that you aren’t the center of his universe is enough to break him completely

he doesn’t blame you at all, he blames himself and that hurts you because you don’t want him to think he wasn’t an amazing boyfriend

sometimes things just don’t work out the way you want them to

it’s a little toxic but he hates himself dearly for letting you go. for not loving you the way he should have. he hates himself a lot

thing is though, soobin wont argue with you.

as much as he loves you and he doesn’t want you to leave him, if you feel unhappy he’s not gonna keep you

so there would be a moment where maybe he’d ask for one last hug and kiss

and in that moment in each other’s embrace, both of you would burst into tears

and all soobin can do is whisper “i love you” over and over again because of course he does

he always will, no matter what

beomgyu

similar to yeonjun, there’s a lot of disbelief

“what are you talking about? you’re joking, right?”

he kind of skips over the sadness bit (or at least it comes later) and he goes straight into anger

he’s so devastated and so heartbroken he just lashes out

“why did you tell me all those things if they weren’t true?! why would you lie to me for all of this time if you were going to leave?!”

he’s irrational at this point and no matter how many times you try to explain that you hadn’t had some sort of plan to get him attached to you and then leave

and that sometimes things just don’t work out

it’s going through one ear and out the other, he might even start throwing things and it might turn into an argument

but once all of the anger wears off he’s left with sadness

he just plops onto the floor or the couch or wherever and he just cries and cries

he doesn’t at first but he lets you come sit and cry with him

you have a moment where you can talk things out, you can try to explain to him where you’re coming from

and that you’ll always have love for him

he understands but that doesn’t mean he isn’t still gonna miss you

he hates watching you leave though he’s trying to be strong but it just hurts too much

taehyun

the worst thing about this would be the complete lack of emotion

because if there’s anything taehyun’s good at, it’s composing himself. he can put on a front if he really wants to.

so when you say “i think we should break up”, he doesn’t respond at all

he just stares blankly at you, but even then you can tell he’s panicking. you can almost see the spurs turning in his head

but instead he just stares at you and nods slowly. he doesn’t ask questions, he doesn’t push the subject any further.

but he’s hurting inside. he’s screaming and he’s begging, his hands are balled into fists and he’s very clearly holding back a lot

and you know him so you call him out on it, you’re trying to get him to open up because you don’t wanna end this on bad terms

he just shakes his head, though. likely to walk away from you completely because he’s not gonna cry in front of you.

mumbles a small “thank you for everything” before leaving

and he’s a pure wreck for days, nearly weeks after

of everyone he’s the quickest to delete your phone contact (to rip the bandaid off) but on his worst nights he cries himself to sleep watching videos of you two that he can’t stir up the courage to delete

hueningkai

the second member of the crybaby team

so no this is gonna suck a lot

because you’ve damn near never seen hyuka upset in any way. his two emotions are :D and :) he’s always a bundle of joy

so when you break the news to him, similar to yeonjun, you see his whole world collapse in his eyes

his eyes start watering and his lip starts quivering

“what did i do wrong? can i try to fix it?”

what hurts the most about hyuka is that he’s really gonna try anything and everything to get you to stay with him

he’s offering up everything, he’s swearing he’ll give you the moon and stars if that’s what you want

and when none of that works, he’s practically sobbing and he’s still begging

and seeing him like that with big fat tears streaming down his face pleading for you, its too much

young love is a son of a bitch :/

he pretty much never comes to terms with it, no matter how hard you try to explain it to him.

you give him one final hug and god he clings to you for dear life

“please don’t go, i’m sorry. i can fix it.”

there’s no easy way to leave the dorms so you have to just untangle yourself from him and go and the poor boy just wails for you

of all of them he struggles the hardest with this. still has you saved as “love of my life 💗🌈✨” in his phone, refuses to get rid of any the pictures you took together

occasionally still texts you whenever soemthing big happens in his life to tell you he’s thinking of you :(

texted you when they won their first big award and it was a bittersweet feeling when you responded with “congratulations, huening” instead of the usual slew of pet names you gave him

yeah he’s still hurting

[procrastinatorimagines]

Partners

Fandom: Chicago PD / One Chicago

Character/s: Jay x Reader, Intelligence, Will

Warning/s: blood, gun shots

Word Count: 2,424

Request:  Hey sweets! Can you write a Jay x reader where she's been his partner since Erin left but in the meantime she fell in love with him but she only told Will about it. When a uncover gets out of hand and Jay is kidnapped, she's the one to take down the person holding him at gunpoint. While they're at med so he can get checked out the adrenaline wears off and she talks to Will about the fact that she didn't even think twice about shooting bc she was so scared of losing him, but Jay ends up 1/2  Listening to everything but didn't confront her about it. After some time passes, they talk and get together. I'll leave the reason why to you lol. Hope you feel like doing it. Thank you anyways, I really enjoy your blog. Stay safe 💕 2/2

Summary: When things go south on a mission Jay is left in critical condition and the reader is left to think about how she really feels about her partner.

You’d been partners with Jay since Erin Lindsay left, it’d been a rocky beginning but you couldn’t really blame him, losing a good partner was hard enough, but when you were also in love with said partner... It’d taken a minute for you guys to get in sync but now that you were, you were practically unstoppable. You’d grown close these past few years, bonded, and well... you’d just had to go and fall in love with him didn’t you? 

He didn’t know of course, no one did, well, except for Will Halstead. You’d gotten close to both Halstead’s since your transfer to Intelligence, and the eldest brother had eventually figured out your feelings for Jay and cornered you about them one night at Molly’s. You’d sworn him to secrecy, but that was next to a year ago now, and he still didn’t understand why you never made a move. It was complicated, he was your partner, your friend, would you screw it up if you told him?

You’d been thinking about it more recently, you didn’t want to put your life on hold waiting for Jay to make a move or not, this job was day to day and you didn’t want to waste your time pining after a man who had no interest in you, but you still couldn’t get him out of your head. Will had been pushing you to rip the bandaid off, and you were going to, you really were, soon, you kept saying. 

But now you were driving to an abandoned warehouse, vest on and guns loaded, praying that you got there in time to save your partner, head full of regrets about what you never told him.

It’d been a straightforward buy, at first, and then one of the bangers had recognised Jay as being the cop who picked him up a few years prior, and shit had hit the fan in a big way. Everything went so fast that you only just made it to the site in time to see their car speeding away, an unconscious Jay in their trunk. The unit had kicked into gear, but it had still taken two days, two long and painful days, to pinpoint the location they believed Jay was being held. 

If he wasn’t here, or, God forbid, he was and he was... You shook your head, thinking the worse wouldn’t save your partner.

“You good to do this?” Kev asked, and you nodded, hand tightening around your gun as the car slowed to a halt just around the corner from the warehouse, out of sight of any perps occupying it.

“I’m good, and we’re going to get him back,” you replied but the look on his face told you that wasn’t what he meant, and you knew it.

“But you can’t get yourself killed doing it Y/N,” he told you, patting your shoulder as he slid the door open, climbing out with you following close behind. The rest of Intelligence gathered around Voight, double checking their weapons and comms. 

“I know, I swear,” you tried to reassure him as you joined the others. He didn’t look convinced but Voight was starting to give orders so he didn’t have time to argue.

“Okay, Burgess and Ruzek take the front with me, Rojas, you and Upton take the side, Kev I want you with Y/L/N in the back.” You all nodded. “Now this isn’t like our usual case, they have one of our own, and we’re going to bring him back, but don’t forget that the mission is to all come back, am I clear?” Everyone agreed but the final comment was very much pointed to you. You nodded to hid and put your earpiece in, taking Kev’s six as you all spread out around the building.

Breaching was easy, the back was unlocked so you went in slow and quiet. There were lots of open spaces but you used the boxes and crates stacked around for cover, not that you really needed any, it seemed... empty. 

Kev caught your attention and gestured to a side staircase that seemed to lead into a basement. You crept towards it and heard movement below. It was him, it had to be.

“I’ll call for back up,” Kev said and you hesitated to step back, what if they were hurting him as you spoke? 

But before either of you could do anything you heard gun shots from the other side of the building, heads snapping in the direction of the noise you heard Adam calling for backup over the radio. At the same time you heard yelling and a gun shot from down below. Jay.

Kev looked divided between going after Adam or going down to the basement, but in that moment you didn’t have anything to think about. “Y/N, wait-”

“Go to Adam, I got this,” you told him, heading down the steps.

“No, Y/N-” He started, but Adam’s voice over the radio made him pause, but you could barely hear them as you made your way to the door. Kicking it in as hard as you could and stepping in, gun raised.

The room was dimly lit, with a blood soaked table in the middle and various instruments around the side. In the middle stood a man with a gun, a gun pointed straight at your partner’s head.

Your mouth opened in shock at the sight of Jay, hands bound on his knees, tape over his mouth and a bullet hole in his stomach.

“Drop it,” you said forcefully, hands surprisingly steady as you aimed your weapon.

“I drop it you shoot me, I know how cops are with one of their own,” the man snapped back, fingers inching to the trigger, glancing between you and Jay.

“Yeah, he is one of our own, he’s my partner, what do you think I’m going to do to you if you shoot him,” you retorted, lining up your shot and the man shifted, placing Jay more as a shield between you and him.

“Guess I’m dead either way,” he laughed dryly, the gun flat against the side of Jay’s head, “at least I can take out a pig when I-” Bang.

You didn’t even think about it, didn’t hesitate, your ears ringing as the bullet left your gun, straight into the man’s head. He dropped in an instant, his own gun falling to the ground as Jay sagged forward, straight into your arms. 

You didn’t even check if the other man was alive as you held your partner, Kev running down in time to radio for an ambulance as you held him, taking off his restraints and applying pressure to his wound.

“Hang on Jay, just hang on,” you whispered to him as his eyes glazed over, his pulse getting weaker. The rest of the team followed down, it was clear they’d all been in a shoot out, but it was also clear that they’d won, and you’d got Jay. He just had to hold on...

Everything was a blur after that, you’d ridden in the ambulance with Jay, all but ignoring the warning look Voight had given you, you knew you’d get a lecture about going in alone later, but right now Jay was your only concern.

The look on Will’s face as you brought his brother was almost too much to bare as he was all but immediately rushed off to surgery by Dr. Marcel, already having crashed in the ambo on the way to Med.

And then the waiting began. God the waiting, if felt like you sat in that hospital forever.

Kim eventually convinced you to change and have a shower, but you were straight back to the waiting room when you finished. The others came and went, a case still to work, but you wouldn’t leave. 

“How is he?” You all but jumped out your chair as Will approached, his face was tired and their were circles around his eyes, but there was hope there too.

“He’s out of surgery, it was touch and go but he’s been moved to the ICU for observation,” he hesistated before adding, “Crockett’s hopeful, but it’s still.. too early to tell.” 

You took his hand and gave it a squeeze. “Can I see him?” You asked. 

“Yeah, I’ll take you to him now,” you looked back to the rest of the team who gestured for you to go. You followed Will, not wanting to get your hopes too high, but you just had to see him...

You blinked away tears when you saw him lying there, tubes in his arms, machines beeping all around, god he looked so pale... It was all you could do not to breakdown seeing him like that, so you stood in the doorway as Will entered. 

“He’ll be alright,” Will said, but you weren’t sure if he was trying to reassure to you or himself. “He should wake up... soon.”

“He’d better, finding a good partner is just going to be tedious,” you laughed, clamping your mouth shut when it turned into a sob. 

Will smiled weakly, “can’t replace someone you love,” he said pointedly.

“Of course I love him, God I love him,” you admitted; Will had always known you liked Jay as more than a friend or partner, but you’d never said that four letter word out loud before now.

“You know, I haven’t always been the world’s best brother, there’re a lot of things I’ve never really said to Jay, I should have told him I love him more, how proud of him I am-” Will choked up, “but I’m never going to waste that time again, you shouldn’t either. When he wakes up, you should tell him Y/N, or you’re just going to regret it.”

A tear slid down your cheek, you knew he was right. “I will, not... not right away, but... God Will, it’ll change everything between us,” you fumbled, picking at the cuff of your jacket.

“But you don’t know if that’s for better or worse until you tell him,” Will told you, patting his brothers arm as his phone beeped. He checked in and frowned. “I have to go, and you should really get back to the others, I’ll let you know if anything changes with Jay,” he promised. 

You reluctantly left, forcing your eyes away from Jay as you headed back to update the others. 

It wasn’t long after you left that Jay finally woke up. You told yourself you were giving him time to heal, to get better, you’d tell him after that... but you always seemed to make up excuses to avoid it, Jay was on the mend, he was alive, and he was your partner, why ruin a good thing?

-

“What do you know about sports anyway?” Jay laughed, opening another two beers and passing you one as you sat in your apartment living room, the events of the shooting months past.

“Well, honestly Halstead? Basically nothing, but I did learn a fair bit sitting with you in your hospital room, do you not watch anything else?” You countered, and he shook his head at you. 

“I never really thanked you, for staying by my side while I was recovering,” Jay changed the subject, and a more serious tone filled the void left by the laughter ending. 

“You don’t have to Jay, you’re my partner, you’d do the same for me,” you put your hand on his arm and smiled, aware of how close the two of you had ended up sitting.

“I guess finding a good partner would have been tedious huh,” he joked, smile dropping a little as you looked at him in confusion.

“I- I didn’t say that to you,” you realised and Jay froze, unsure of what to say. “No- I said that to Will, while you were unconscious...”

“Y/N-” He started but you shook your head.

“Were you awake? Did you hear that?” You asked, realisation dawning as you saw something else in his eyes, “did you hear that entire conversation?” 

Oh god, oh god, did he hear to say you loved him? Shit, shit.

“Y/N-” He began as you quickly removed your hand from his arm.

“Just tell me Jay,” you interuppted, putting your drink down on the coffee table.

“Yes,” he admitted after an excruciating silence. You turned away from him slightly, avoiding his eyes, 

“You never said anything- Jay, what I said-” You fumbled, unsure of what to say. Truth was, you’d planned a dozen ways to tell Jay how you felt about him, but for him to overhear and not say anything... every plan was gone from your head as you stopped talking in your tracks, trying to figure out your next words.

“I didn’t want to make it uncomfortable, you said you’d talk to me, so I figured if I left it you wouldn’t- I don’t know, feel embarrassed?” He tried.

“Oh I feel embarrassed alright,” you told him, “God Jay I’m sorry, I know I screwed up, but it hasn’t affected the way I do my job, and I don’t want this to ruin our friendship, or or partnership-”

Jay cut you off, taking your hand. You swallowed, looking directly at him again as you felt his skin on yours. “That would never happen, you’re my partner Y/N, and my friend, and... whatever else this is, because honestly? It’d... be a lie to say I didn’t feel something for you too.”

You let out a breath, a tightness you didn’t realise was squeezing on your chest loosening at Jay’s admission. His fingers tangled in yours as you sat there, stunned at what was happening.

“Y/N?” You realised you hadn’t said a word since he’d confessed his feelings. Right, you should probably say something, but all thoughts had left your head at that moment, all coherent ones anyway, so you settled for doing something a bit more spontaneous, something you’d wanted to do for longer than you’d like to admit.

You leaned in to kiss him, Jay leaning in to meet you in the middle as his hand went into your hair. When you finally broke away you both smiled, You’d kissed Jay, Jay had kissed you...

“So what now?” You got out, still very much aware of his hands on you, and his face so damn close to yours. 

“Well... we could just keep doing this?” He suggested with a smirk and you laughed.

“That,” you said as you closed the gap between the two of you, “I think I can do.”

[ohtheseboysilove]

The greatess actress II [Ben Hardy x F!Reader]

sWords : 4, 000 K +

Warnings : mostly angst, fluff

Summary :  Things aren’t always as they seems.

Note : More angst for you guys, I know you all ask for it so here you go :) I’m really gmad for all the reviews and positive feedbacks I had for the first chapter so thank u so much ! I didn’t start writing chapter 3 yet but I have few ideas so if you guys have suggestions or theories I would love to heart hat !!! (i mostly replied to the messages in my inbox bc it’s easier to see them than the comments !!) Much love xx 

x Masterlist x

“And…action !”

You pretended to leave and Ben grabbed your wrist, tugging him against him rather roughly. You put a flat hand on his torso and looked at him with big, lost eyes.

“What—”

“Don’t say anything, baby” Then he crashed his lips on yours, sending a wave of electricity down your spine as you replied eagerly to the kiss.

The kiss was intense, slow and hot, during for what seemed like age. You weren’t really complaining. But it was the third time you did this scene because of the director who always wanted to add something and it started to be a bit much for you and your weak heart.

“And we got it ! Awesome guys !” The director jumped from his seat and went behind the camera looking at the screen with enthusiasm. “Everyone, take 5 !”

You sighed discretely and detached yourself from Ben, running a nervous finger through your hairs.

“Are you still coming tonight ?” You glanced toward the blond man, gaze falling right on his swollen lips, tempting and deliciously-looking red.

“Hum, probably ?” You scolded mentally yourself to stop looking at his mouth like a fucking creep and instead focus on his eyes.

Which maybe wasn’t better.

“Oh come on, it’s Randy’s last day ! He won’t forgive you if you don’t come” Ben winked and you chuckled awkwardly, ignoring the way the butterflies were going crazy in your belly.

“I guess you’re right” You smiled almost shyly, his bright and beautiful eyes were always making you kind of timid. “But I won’t stay long, we got an early scene tomorrow” You felt yourself become ridiculously red when he laughed loudly and threw an arm around your shoulders, squeezing you tightly against his strong body.

“You’re right and I’m pretty excited for tomorrow anyway”

You both walked to your trailers, next to each other, as the day was done and you couldn’t wait to go back into your own clothes.

“You are ?” You briefly remembered that the scene you had to do tomorrow was pretty romantic, lot of touchy-feely moments but nothing sexual, thanks god.

“Yeah, I mean…we’re filming at the beach so obviously breaks gonna be funnier than on set” He grinned and you silently swallowed back the disappointment bubbling in your chest.

“The beach, right” You forced a smile. Of course that was the reason why he was excited, idiot. He had a freaking girlfriend for god’s sake. “I will see you later, Ben” You waved awkwardly and climbed the few steps to your trailers before closing the door behind you, barely hearing his answer.

You let your body fall heavily on your bed, feeling exhausted and completely stupid.

It wasn’t the first time you had feelings for one of your co-star, honestly it was hard to stay hermetic when your job was to kiss a handsome and nice guy all day long. Once, you had to film for few weeks with Liam Hemsworth and god, the man was absolutely breathtaking. You had a tiny crush on him during the filming but nothing horrible, it didn’t make your job more complicated or anything. It was fairly innocent. You just enjoyed what a beautiful man he was but you stayed in control easily.

You also dated for two years with one of your previous co-stars, George Mackay but it was pretty obvious from the beginning that the both of you were into each other, which made everything easier.

You didn’t forget either when you had a tiny role in a big Hollywood move where you were only needed to literally make out with Leonardo DiCaprio. It was probably the first time you were so nervous to act, which was ridiculous because you barely spent more than two hours on set. But it was Leonardo freaking DiCaprio, your first crush had been Jack Dawson from Titanic so obviously it was huge for you.

No one probably remembered you from this movie but it was your little moment of pride. You made out with Leonardo freaking DiCaprio.

But nothing could compare to your feelings with Ben. You weren’t prepared at all for the wave of feelings which hit you strong in the face. Not at all.

When you first heard that you would be filming with Ben as co-star, you did some researches and found out it was the guy from the Bohemian Rhapsody movie, you were happy because he was an excellent actor in this film. And you couldn’t denied he was pretty attractive which could help as you were supposed to play lovers in this new project.

It started with an innocent crush, making your friends a bit jealous because you were kissing and holding hands with the new heart-robe of Hollywood. But it turned out to be much more when you started hanging out with him. He wasn’t only handsome. He was really funny, humble, generous, always making sure you were comfortable for any kind of intimate scene but he was also sensitive and not as confident as you thought first.

He was everything you could dream in a boyfriend.

You sighed loudly and rubbed your face roughly, heart beating heavily in your chest.

Why did you have to fall in love with an unavailable man ?

**

“We’re gonna miss you, big guy !” You watched Ben cheekily tussled Randy dirty red hairs, a large smile on his face.

“´f course you will ! But no need to go all emotional on me, Hardy. You’re still invited to my wedding in two months” Randy chuckled, his hand wrapped around a large pint of beer.

You giggled quietly as the two friends hugged again, both of them pretty tipsy after several drinks. Randy was playing one of Ben’s closest friend in the movie but he finished to do all of his scenes and he was now, sadly, leaving the set.

You took a little sip of your Margarita, only the second drinks of the evening for you as you hated being tired or hungover to film. Especially when you had to focus much more with your feelings for Ben, making your job much harder.

“Who is gonna kick my ass at FIFA now ?” The British man complained with a pout, making the whole table giggled.

“Literally everyone, Hardy” Joshua, one of the secondary actor of the movie spoke up, earning a round of applause from everyone.

You let your eyes trailed on Ben for few seconds. You couldn’t help but looked at him. He was so different out of the set, much more relax and you loved even more this part of him. His blond hairs were all over the place, slightly longer than before and it was certainly doing things to you. The way his eyes were sparkling due to the alcohol made your heart beat faster, this childish look was good on him, always wearing his boyish smile which made your knees weak.

And, surprisingly, Isis wasn’t here tonight. You felt like you could breath a little bit easier when she wasn’t around. You were so worried she found out you were in love with her boyfriend, it was scaring you more than everything.

“(Y/N) !” You jumped at Randy's voice and quickly tore your eyes from Ben’s jaw, pushing aside any thoughts.

“Yeah ?”

“I said do you want another drink ?” You nodded weakly and swallowed thickly, feeling nervous to almost been caught day-dreaming about Ben. “What were you looking at so intensely ? This little boyfriend of yours ?” The red hair laughed and pinched the blond’s cheek, making him groaned.

“Hey!” Ben pushed his hands away from his face and looked at you, an amused smile on his features. “I’m pretty sure she wasn’t looking at me, she see me enough all day long”

“True” You grinned and internally screamed. You could never be bored of looking at his pretty face. Never.

“So who where you looking at ? Did someone caught your eyes perhaps ?” Everyone turned, very discreetly, around and started giggling like teenager when they saw a quite charming brunette glancing over the table, few of his friends clearly teasing him.

“I see” Ben winked at you, finishing his drink with one gulp. “I think you should talk to him” He tilted his head toward the guy and you cringed internally.

It was literally the last thing you wanted to do. You didn’t even notice this guy until they all started looking at him. Your luck, obviously.

“I’m not sure about that” You laughed awkwardly and pushed few strands of hairs behind your ear, hoping for something, anything, to save you from talking to this stranger.

“Oh come on ! He is literally devouring you with his eyes” Ben nudged you gently. “And you were doing the same a minute before” He smirked and you were half relieved that he didn’t notice you were ogling him, not this random dude.

“(Y/N) ! (Y/N) ! (Y/N)” You wanted to disappear right now. You watched your friends cheering your name until you had enough and decided to agree, walking to the bar where you knew the guy would meet you too. “Go get it girl !” Randy drunkenly yelled and you felt your whole face turned red.

“Hey” You looked at the brunette, he wasn’t bad looking clearly. Curly hairs and cute dimples. Totally your type before you fell for a blond beefy guy.

“Hi” You smiled nervously and discreetly glanced toward Ben, looking for any kind of reassurance that he was maybe a bit annoyed by the fact that you were talking to another guy.

You couldn’t help yourself but wished that maybe he was sharing your feelings. Deep down. Maybe he was falling for you too but still confused with Isis. Conflicted. It was selfish but there were nothing you could do about these thoughts. Except keeping them for you.

But for all answer from Ben, you get a cheeky smile and two thumbs up. Clearly not bothered by the situation. You returned the smile, fake and smaller one before turning around to the man, your throat tight and your heart even more broken.

These feelings were clearly one-sided.

**

“You look like shit, hun” Molly greeted you as you sat, or rather flopped very graciously, on the chair in front of her, a fuming Costa cup in your right hand.

“That’s why you’re here” You snorted lazily before taking a sip of your coffee, not in the mood to talk much.

She glanced at you, feeling the mood immediately and decided to start your hairs and makeup in silence, humming quietly.

The whole crew was at the beach for the day and the place was truly breathtaking, a little creek mostly quiet except for the soft rolling of the waves. It was still dark outside, the sun barely peaking up and you needed to get the perfect scene as the director really wanted the whole sun rising romantic moment for your and Ben’s characters.

“Ten minutes before we started !” You sighed quietly and quickly finished your coffee, feeling already done with this way too cute scene for you.

Ben waved at you from his chair, Isis not far from him, both of them getting ready too. Yeah, like it wasn’t hard enough for you, Isis managed to get a small part as an extra for few scenes. Easy when you dated the main actor. And even more when you were as gorgeous as she was.

“All done, honey” You thanked Molly and rose on your feet, walking toward the small wardrobe department to get your clothes for the shoot.

A cute little yellow bikini and a pair of sunglasses were all you needed for today. The thought of spending so much time near Ben with so little clothes on was stressful. You nearly fainted when you spotted him walking in his blue swim trunk, a beach towel lazily hanging from his right shoulder.

What a sight.

**

And…action !“

You took a deep sight and blocked every other thoughts than the ones about Ellie, the character you were portraying in this movie.

"I’m glad we decided to come here” Ben or rather Will, murmured in your ear, hands softly resting on your hips as you were perched on his lap.

“Me too” You slightly turned your head just enough to catch his eyes, smiling sweetly.

The scene was indeed very romantic. Kind of cliché but still, it was making your heart beat much faster. Ben was seating on the white sand, his body pressed against you was bringing shivers down your frame.

Your group of friends were seating around a camp fire, giggling and chatting as you and Ben were with them but in your own bubble, looking at each other lovingly.

As the sun slowly rose, you continued to act as you had to, suppressing the love which was wrapping your entire body every time you looked at him. Few kisses were exchanged, few touches as well and other sweet little attentions between the two of you, carefully following the script.

It was even harder because for you everything felt so natural. When you had to play with his hairs at the back of his neck you weren’t acting, not really. It was easy, like you done it your whole life. When Ben rested softly a hand on your knee you didn’t feel awkward or nervous, it felt right. And it had been like that since day one.

“You’re not too cold ? I felt you shiver during our scene” Ben whispered as you had a mini break, waiting for everyone to go back at their assigned spots.

You wanted to laugh at his innocent remark. God bless this sweet, innocent Ben. Yes it wasn’t very warm but the simple feeling of your half naked body against mine was the only main reason of my shivers.

But you simply nodded. “Yeah but it’s alright we’re almost done with this scene anyway” You patted his shoulder nicely and he gently rubbed your forearm, in a nice attempt of keeping your warm.

**

Few hours later and you were still on the beach, few more scenes to film with this time, the sun high in the sky and the heat nicely warming your skin.

You shielded your vision to watch Ben cockily walked toward you, his body dripping wet from the bath he just took in the sea.

“Hey there” He grinned and didn’t lost a minute before laying on top of you, making you squirmed under him at the freshness of the water.

“Get off me idiot !” You giggled and tried to wiggle your way out but his strong body was easily caging you.

“Can’t do that, you’re really comfy” He laid even more on you and you let out a shaky breath as you could feel every muscles of his body against yours. “Everyone is having fun, except you, come on !” You gasped when he ran his wet hand in your hairs, purposely messing them on your face before moving off you.

“I’m reading a very good book” You weakly replied, the lie tasting bitter on your tongue.

You were just avoiding going near his girlfriend. You were on a break for a little hour and most of the crew was in the water and you would love to join them. But Isis was there too, gaining most of the attention as she was always speaking loudly or giggling. And did you mentioned how pretty she was ? Everyone could see that too. So you just felt awkward next to her, stupid really but she was so confident and dating Ben. You were so scared that somehow she noticed how you looked at him and understood what was going on. It would be a total mess if she did. 

“Yeah, whatever” The blond rolled his eyes at you bad excuse before catching your hips and throwing you over his shoulder. You screamed from the top of your lungs as he run toward the water, chuckling louder every time you asked, rather yelled, him to let you go.

He threw you on the water as everyone cheered, apparently really amused by his stupid joke. You felt two hands quickly grabbing you from under the water and you took a big breath, the salty water dripping on your face.

“You’re alright ?” Ben’s giant smile immediately warmed you up. You clenched your hands on his shoulder, wiping the water from your features with your free hand, couching a bit at the salty taste.

“Asshole” You mumbled as you pushed your hairs away from your face. You slapped his chest when he audibly laughed. ”This is so not funny ! I was fine on my towel" You protested but couldn’t suppress the amused smiled from blossoming upon your face.

“Why are you laughing then ?” Ben teased you and you rolled your eyes before swimming away from him, heart fluttering heavily at the simple interaction you just had with him.

Why he had to be so bloody cute with you all the time ? It wasn’t helping your case.

You looked behind your shoulder toward Ben and your smile dropped immediately when you spotted Isis, hanging around his neck as they shared a giggling kiss.

He was just being friendly, get your shit together for god’s sake, (Y/N).

You didn’t miss the suspicious glance that Isis threw you, her brows slightly furrowed like she was in deep reflection. She gave you a little smile when she caught your eyes on her before she focused back on the British man.

You deeply hoped she wasn’t thinking anything about this little friendly moment between you and Ben.

**

“Baby, can you put me some sun-cream on ?” You raised your head toward Ben and stood up, grabbing the protection from his hand.

“You knew you could do it yourself” You commented as you applied a small amount of cream in your hand before rubbing it onto Ben’s large shoulders.

“I can’t reach some part” He grinned, sunglasses hanging low on his nose.

It was like the universe like to torturing you. Every scene you had to do was painfully touchy today and it was putting you under a strong pressure. Isis’ intense gaze on you wasn’t helping either, she watching with attention every of your interactions with her boyfriend.

It wasn’t your fault, you were just acting right now. But you felt incredibly uncomfortable under her eyes. Like you were doing something wrong. Which you weren’t as it was your freaking job.

“You’re just lazy, Will” You rolled your eyes and kept rubbing the sun-cream on his back, breathing quickening as you reached his hips. “Done” You announced before he turned around, welcoming you with his beautiful and chiselled face.

“Why about here, hum ?” He cheekily drummed his digits on his firm pectoral. He cocked his head to the side, wearing your favourite boyish smile. “Don’t wanna burn” He pouted and you bit your lips, finding him unfairly adorable.

You quickly stopped your day dreaming and scoffed as you were supposed to, pretending to be annoyed.

“You’re a pain in the ass, Will” You repeated the same actions, pouring cream in your hands before rubbing it on his warm torso, goosebumps spreading all over your skin,

“But you love me anyway” He replied with a little smile, pushing his sunglasses on the top of his head.

“Yes, I do” You murmured and, not without difficulty, grinned at him. You were supposed to be happy but the painful truth hiding behind your words was hard to get along with.

“Your hands are so much softer than mine” The blond sighed as he closed his eyes, your pads barely touching his abs. You couldn’t go further or you would literally combust.

“That’s because you never want to put night cream on yours, silly” You said and took few steps away as he lowered his head toward you, eyes still closed. You sighed loudly and quickly rubbed the sun cream on his face.

“No, no ! Stop !” The director made you jump as Ben opened his eyes, both of you looking at him. “(Y/N), darling, you were doing perfectly fine but this last scene…you need to be gentle and tender, alright ? It’s supposed to be a romantic scene between Ellie and Will, not looking like you just want to get ride of him” You chuckled weakly and nodded, watching the director going back to his chair.

“Already annoyed with my presence ?” Ben teased as he went back to his previous position.

You simply smiled and waited for the green light of the cameramen before executing the script. You slowly rubbed your fingers against his face, caressing every of his features without looking away from his eyes, giving to the director all the love he wanted. You swallowed thickly at your proximity, his eyes not leaving yours for a second as you kept caressing his strong cheekbones.

“There you go” You rubbed the remaining of cream on his neck and locked your arms behind it, repressing a shiver when his hands found your face.

You absolutely adored how his digits slid softly on your skin, cupping your jaw like if you were the most precious thing in the world. His thumb gently caressing your cheek as he pressed a sickly sweet kiss on your lips. You could feel the warmth coming from his chest and the pleasant sigh which escaped your mouth wasn’t for the act anymore.

There were absolutely not better feeling in the world.

**

You let out a deep breath as you snuggled further into your hoodie, the warmth of the day already fading away as the sun disappeared slowly. You grabbed your phone and answered few texts, exhaustion rolling down your bones.

“Are you texting the guy from yesterday ?” You shook your head lazily, letting a yawn escaping your mouth as Joshua, who was playing your brother, sat next to you. “Why not ?”

“Not really interesting” You didn’t bother explaining further, to tired for that. ”How it’s going with Danny ? When he is coming already ?“

Joshua’s eyes immediately lighted up at the mention of his boyfriend.

"Very well, thanks” He beamed and showed you his new screen lock, an adorable picture of the two of them with their new puppy. You let out a little aww and Joshua smiled wider. “He is coming next week, I can’t wait to see him ! And to introduce him to you !”

You listened to his exciting chatting, a little pinching for your heart at how happy and in love he was.

**

You groaned and get up from your chair as Ben was late for filming. You knew Isis was around so they probably just didn’t see the time, laying in bed. Still, it wasn’t something Ben did often, he was always in time and ready to work.

You swallowed roughly as you walked to his trailer, praying they weren’t shagging because you didn’t know how your heart would take it.

“It’s my freaking job, Isis !” You jumped at Ben’s loud voice followed by few cursing words.

You froze and decided smartly to not knock on the door and instead waited patiently next to the trailer, ear dropping shamelessly. You shouldn’t but you couldn’t help yourself.

“Well, I don’t like it at all, Benjamin !” She yelled back and you heard him sighing, probably knowing he was already late and his girlfriend wasn’t helping. “You didn’t see the way she look at you !”

You felt the same way as the day your best friend from high school threw you a bucket of freezing water on your head. You stopped breathing by fear they would hear you and tried your best to not panic.

Was she talking about you ?

Of course she was ! Who else could be the She ? You were done, done, done. The rest of the filming would be just awkward because of you and your stupid feelings.

"Oh my god, Isis ! We already had this conversation, (Y/N) is simply doing her job, alright ? You need to stop being so paranoiac for Christ’ sake !”

You felt yourself sweating uncomfortably as you listened to them, heart beating like crazy. This was a nightmare.

“She is not acting anymore Ben ! Open your damn eyes for once !” Isis groaned as she slammed a cup loudly on the table, making you jumped again. “She is not acting at all ! It’s fucking obvious !”

“What are you saying Isis ?” Ben muttered, clearly done with this argument. “Come on, enlighten me as apparently you know better than everyone !”

There a beat of complete silence, your muslces completely tetanised as you waited for her answer.

Isis let out a sarcastic, cold laugh. It worried you a lot. And then she pronounced these six little words which would make your heart stop. 

“She is fucking in love with you, Ben”

**

Tag list :  @jennyggggrrr @queenlover05 @cubedtriangle​

Message me if u want to be add in the tag list !

[just-my-sickly-pride]

Debut || Roger Taylor x fem!Reader

summary || you’re twenty years old, a full-time uni student, and you’re living out of home. money is tight. so, naturally, you decide to sell your virginity to the highest bidder. when you get an offer from some guy in his mid-thirties, you put on your nicest dress and head on over. but there’s a problem: he has no idea who you are, or why you’ve turned up at his house at nine o’clock at night. maybe things aren’t going to be as simple as you’d hoped. modern day au.

rating || explicit, with fluff dotted throughout. 18+ only. do not read if you are under eighteen. the age gap between reader and roger is sixteen years.

word count || about 17.7k.

author’s notes || welcome one and all to my very first fic on this blog! i pictured roger circa ‘85 (specifically live aid) for this fic. this fic is also dedicated to my friend and fellow mid-thirties-Roger enthusiast Jennifer @mrfahrenhcit (i couldn’t find a way to work in everything you asked, but i’ve saved some of them for the next roger fic that’s in the works). fun fact: this is the first reader fic where i’ve used ‘Y/N’. some people have said they’d had issues with this post being extremely slow to load, or the app has crashed - i think it’s just bc it’s so long, and i apologise for the inconvenience.  [i am a proud member of the anti-cross-tagging club.]

masterlist

     You don’t think you’ve ever felt more nervous before in your entire life.  You’ve wiped your sweaty palms on your dress ten times in the past two minutes, and your heart hasn’t stopped racing from the moment you woke up this morning.

    What are you doing? Seriously, what the fuck are you doing?

    Well, that’s the thing. You know exactly what the fuck you’re doing.

    You aren’t doing it out of embarrassment, or anything to do with pride. You don’t feel pressured, not by anyone, not even by society, fuck society, but you saw some dumb article about it – it was hardly even an article, just gossip – and it gave you the idea, and then you were doing some research about it, just for the money, it’s just for the money, you’ve been living out of home for two years now and life’s still kicking you in the ass, so why wouldn’t you do it for money, if you could? And you can. So you went onto some website and snooped around to check for at least some sign of legitimacy, and then, well, you were making an account, and you made an account, and uploaded some photos that you never thought you’d upload to the Internet, and, a couple weeks later, you found out that someone had chosen you. Chosen you.

    And now here you are.

    On your way to a strange man’s house.

    To lose your virginity to him.

    Because he’s paid for it.

    Well, he’s paid half. The other half comes… after.

    And you’re not nervous about the actual sex part, you suppose, but more about the fact that you’re going to a stranger’s house for sex. Does that make you a sex worker? Could you call someone who played guitar in one gig and got paid for it, but never got paid for it again, a musician?

    Probably. But maybe that isn’t the best comparison.

    You don’t know much about this guy. Just his address, his name, his age – thirty-six, could be worse, to be fair – and that he’s obviously got plenty of cash to spare. And he’s definitely not the sort of guy you want to have around. Seeing as, y’know, he’s paid a twenty-year-old virgin to have sex with him.

    The Uber pulls up to a stop in front of a house. It’s dark outside, almost nine in the evening, so the house is hard to make out, but it’s quite a nice place, very white-picket-fence. Something out of a magazine catalogue about the suburbs. You thank your Uber driver and grab your oversized handbag, climbing out of the car.

    You close the door behind you.

    The Uber drives off.

    And you’re alone on the sidewalk.

    You hoist the handbag onto your shoulder. It’s got a couple of things you think you’ll need – condoms, lube, two change of clothes depending on what this guy is after. You think you look more than nice enough in your heels and tight, black dress, but just in case.

    You glance at your phone, double-checking the address. You send a quick message to your best friend Justine: at the house. will keep u updated.

    She’s the only one who knows; and she only knows because you figured that at least someone should know, if something goes wrong.

    Good God, you’re hoping nothing goes wrong. Not in that way. Not in any way, really.

    And again, you’re back to asking yourself what the fuck you’re doing.

    You take a deep breath, and start heading up the front path.

    Your hands are shaking by the time you reach the front step, but you force yourself to raise a fist and rap your knuckles on the door. The automatic porch light is yellow, and you can’t help but feel irked by how unflattering it is.

    You can hear movement inside the house. A part of you is searching for the sound of kids, although God forbid there’s any to be heard. But a guy like this… Well, your first conclusion is that he’s looking for an affair.

    You really don’t want to be some kind of mistress. But, you suppose, this is really just a business transaction, so you’re free of at least most of the guilt, right? All of it, if you actually have no idea if he’s married.

    Please don’t mention your wife, you pray. Don’t implicate me or whatever.

    Finally, the door opens, and you feel like you’re about to throw up your heart onto your feet. But you push it down, and drink in the man in front of you.

    If you weren’t sure before if he was a dad, now it’s unmistakable. He’s slim, and reasonably tall – not remarkably so, but still tall – and he’s dressed in loose jeans and a blue flannel that he has rolled up to his elbows. His hair is blond, sort of shaggy, sort of spiky, like he spends his time running his hands through it. You idly wonder what it’d feel like in your hands. Guess you’ll find out soon enough.

    But the thing that really knocks your socks off is the big blue eyes that blink at you, framed by eyelashes that you’d kill to have yourself. Those eyes flash down to your outfit, and then back up at your face.

    Okay. Maybe this whole thing won’t be that bad at all.

    You give him your most winning smile. “Hi,” you say in a way that you hope is both alluring and professional.

    He blinks at you again. “Hi,” he says, his eyes wide. His gaze flits up and down your body, like he’s trying to compute what he’s seeing in front of him. “Um, hello. What, uh– Can I help you?”

    His voice is soft, softer than you were expecting. Gentle, almost.

    You lick your lips and shift your feet. “I’m, ah, Mandy. Are you Roger? Taylor?” Your name is fake, of course. You’re not sure about his. Not that it matters.

    “Yes, that’s me,” Roger says. He scratches the back of his head. “Uh, I’m sorry, you’re, um, lovely, but I don’t think I know you.”

    Huh. Odd. Is this a foreplay thing? “We have an appointment. You booked me two weeks ago, and you gave me this date and this time,” you prompt unsurely.

    Roger’s brow crumples. “An… appointment?”

    You feel your face starting to heat up. You almost ask if you have the right address, but no, you already know that he’s Roger Taylor, he’s the one who booked, so you must have it right. “Yeah,” you say. “You, um…” You lower your voice a touch. “You already paid in advance. This is pretty much a done deal, but I’m just here to fulfil my end of the bargain. And then, of course, you’ll have to pay me the other half.”

    Roger’s starting to look a little pale now, and you’re not quite sure what to do with that. His eyes dart down to your outfit and back up to your face. “Pay you?” he says. “I’ve– what? I’ve paid you? What did I pay you? When?”

    Now you’re both embarrassed, and confused, and well, this isn’t something you’d pictured going wrong.

    You suddenly feel very exposed in your tight dress and heels.

    “Uh.” You scratch behind your ear. “Like, I don’t know what to tell you. You’ve booked me, and I’m here. And it wasn’t a small sum of money, so I doubt you’d want to…”

    Roger’s mouth opens, and then closes, and opens again. “Oh, shit, hang on,” he says, his voice flat, “did I… Was this all booked and arranged two weeks ago on the Friday night?”

    “Yes,” you say. “Why?”

    Roger sighs heavily, and rubs his eyes. “Oh, shit,” he moans. “For God’s…” He raises his head, and sighs again. “Look, um, Mandy, there’s been a big misunderstanding. I, um, went through a divorce, er, relatively recently, a few months ago, and I’ve been doing a bit of wallowing, I guess you could say, and my friends tried to cheer me up a fortnight ago on Friday by bringing round a few bottles of very nice whiskey and gin. I don’t remember a lot of that night, but, now that you mention it, I have some vague memory of my friends trying to get me to, you know, ‘move on’, and, um, I think they might have looked up… people online.”

    Your ears are really burning now. “Oh,” you say.

    “That’s what this is, isn’t it?” Roger adds. “You’re a…”

    “Not really,” you blurt. “Kind of. It– oh, man.” You bite your bottom lip, hesitating, not quite sure how much to reveal about the situation. “Okay, I’ll be honest. Yes, I’m… from a website. But I’m not – this isn’t a living, or a side gig, or whatever. Not that it would matter if I was, because there’s nothing wrong with…” You shake your head. Stay on track. “It’s just a one-off. You paid me to… to take my virginity.”

    You swear you can see Roger’s soul leaving his body in that moment. “You– I what?”

    You shrug helplessly.

    Roger takes a step back, pressing a hand to his forehead. “Jesus Christ,” he mutters. “Jesus Christ.”

    “I’m sorry for the confusion,” you say, and your stomach sinks further when a realisation comes to you. “I…” You swallow. Your mouth is dry. “I’m really sorry, but I can’t – The money you gave me. I’ve done this to help pay bills and rent and everything, and it’s already been used. A chunk of it, anyway. I can’t refund you. I’m really sorry.”

    “No, God, don’t apologise,” Roger says. “You weren’t to know.” He shakes his head. “Fucking dickheads, the lot of them.” He looks to you, and warily inspects your face. “How old did you say you were?” His voice is small, like he’s scared of the answer.

    “Twenty,” you reply, and his shoulders sag in relief.

    “Thank God,” he says. “I mean, still, you’re so young, but at least you’re…”

    “An adult?”

    He nods, grimacing sheepishly. “I really am being honest when I say I don’t remember much of that night. My mates aren’t those sorts of people, but, well, who knows what they’d try to pull when they’re pissed.”

    “No, it’s fine,” you say. “I look young for my age. But I am twenty.”

    “No, I believe you,” Roger says quickly. “I’m not… No.”

    You wipe your palms on your dress again. What now? Do you just go home? That wasn’t the cheapest Uber ride you’ve ever had. You were kind of relying on that extra money.

    Roger seems equally at loss. “You– Did you have to travel far?”

    “Not that far,” you say. “Forty minutes-ish.”

    “Fuck,” Roger says. He puts his hands on his hips, and then drops them again. “What time is it? It’s nearly nine, isn’t it?”

    “Yeah, about nine.”

    “It’s late. You should be getting home.”

    Your heart sinks. Wow. Okay. This is really just over like that. “Um, yeah, I guess,” you say. You take half a step back. “I’m really sorry about the– the, um, whole mix-up thing. And sorry about your divorce.”

    Great. Real smooth.

    “Thanks,” Roger says. He hesitates, and you’re about to turn and head back down the driveway, when he says, “How are you getting home? Did you drive?”

    “Uh, no,” you say. “Uber.”

    “Uber? God, no, sod that,” Roger says. “Let me…” He fumbles for something in his back pocket, but comes up empty. “Let me pay for it. I don’t– Can I pay you for it?”

    “It’s all right,” you reassure him. “You’ve already given me– it’s okay.”

    “No, please, I insist,” he says. “Should I– cash? I can give you cash. Or… transfer…” He rolls his eyes at himself, those pretty blue eyes that shouldn’t belong to a man his age, but somehow suit him perfectly. “God,” he mutters. “I usually have things more together than this, I promise. I’ve just been caught beyond off-guard.”

    “Sorry,” you say again.

    “It’s not your fault, really, I don’t– How could I blame you? You had no idea. I am going to murder my friends.” He sighs, rubbing his temple. “Um. Okay. I’ve paid you before, haven’t I, if you got the deposit? How did I do it? I can just do it that way again.”

    “You transferred it to me,” you say. You shift in your heels. Your feet are starting to ache.

    “Let’s do it that way again, then,” Roger says. “I’ll just get my phone, sorry.”

    “It’s okay, really,” you say yet again, stopping him. “Don’t bother. I’ll– It’ll take me two minutes and then I can be on my way home.”

    Roger hovers, and then says, “Can I– Did you want to wait inside? Or out on the steps? Could I get you some water, at least?”

    You hesitate. “Um–”

    “I’m not trying to do anything,” Roger blurts, and then he shakes his head. “Now it sounds like I am trying to do something. I’m not. Really. If you want, you can just wait here and I’ll go inside and leave you alone.”

    You glance at your phone. You haven’t ordered the Uber yet, but you are pretty thirsty. You look back up to Roger. “Well, I already had it in my head that I was coming here to sleep with you, so I’m not really concerned about you trying anything,” you say. “Some water sounds nice, actually.”

    Roger laughs. Like his voice, it’s unexpectedly soft, and it makes you smile.

    “Um. Yes,” he says, glancing at his feet. “Well. Um, come on in, then.”

    You head back up the path, and Roger steps aside to let you in.

    You slip past him. He smells good.

    His house, on the inside, is just as white-picket-fence as it is on the outside. Not the tidiest, but you suppose he wasn’t expecting company.

    He seems to notice the slight mess the same moment you do, and he hurriedly darts forward to tidy up.

    “Sorry,” he says.

    “No, don’t worry about it,” you say.

    He bends down to grab an empty beer bottle from where it sits on the floor next to the couch. Nice ass.

    Not that it matters. You aren’t sleeping with him anymore. But, to be fair, you are only human. Just because you’re no longer ordering doesn’t mean you can’t admire the menu.

    “I, uh, wasn’t expecting any guests, obviously,” Roger adds, half-jokingly.

    You chuckle, and adjust your dress. Roger’s eyes flash down to your hands, then to your chest where you’ve pulled the dress down a little further in your adjustment, and then he quickly looks away, running his hand along his jaw.

    “Uh, um,” he says. “Water? Um– take a seat, by the way. Feel free to sit…” He gestures vaguely around him. “Sit anywhere. Anywhere you like.”

    “Um, okay,” you say, and hesitate, before awkwardly perching on his couch.

    “Sorry, did you say you wanted water?” Roger says.

    “If you wouldn’t mind,” you say.

    “Yeah, of course,” Roger says, and then disappears into the kitchen.

    You breathe in a lungful of air and slowly let it out. Wow. Talk about an unexpected evening.

    You take out your phone and message Justine. boy do I have a story to tell u.

    She’s online, and she replies immediately. fuck what’s happened?? everything alright??

    You bite your lip, considering how to reply. yeah I’m fine. the guy is super easy on the eyes, but there’s been a mix up and basically I am remaining firmly in the virgin zone for the foreseeable future lol.

    You backspace and try again. yeah I’m fine. long story short I’m coming home. tell u about it when I get there.

    is he ugly?? Justine replies, and you can’t help but smile in amusement.

    oh no, that’s not the issue even a little bit, you reply.

    “I’m assuming tap water is fine?” Roger says, reappearing with a glass of water, making you jump slightly and flip your phone face-down on your leg, as if he could somehow see the screen from across the room. “Sorry, I should’ve asked. I don’t really have anything else.”

    “No, no, tap water is fine, thank you,” you say, and he hands the glass to you.

    You take a sip.

    Roger glances away, seemingly looking for something to do or something to say, as if the answer is written in the walls. He chews on his thumbnail.

    Your mind scrambles to find something to say, but it feels like trying to eat soup with a fork.

    “Is everything all right?” Roger asks suddenly, looking to you. “I know this is probably completely inappropriate, but… Well, paying for someone to…”

    Your stomach sinks with embarrassment. “Oh,” you say. “Um. Yeah. Yeah, everything’s fine. Just – could do with the money.”

    “Of course, yeah,” Roger says hurriedly, nodding. “You’re at uni?”

    “Yeah. And living out of home, so.”

    “Right. Yeah, of course, I should’ve guessed. Sorry, that was…”

    “No, it’s fine,” you say with a reassuring smile. You chuckle. “I’m sorry for disrupting your evening like this.”

    “No, no, it…” Roger smiles, and you feel every trace of oxygen leave your lungs, because wow, he’s attractive. “It’s a welcomed interruption, actually.”

    “It is?”

    “Well, all I had planned was to watch something shit on Netflix and drink beer,” Roger says, screwing up his nose. “Not exactly exciting.”

    “Oh, don’t let me stop you,” you say. “Sounds like they were big plans.”

    Roger laughs, and your heart thuds against your ribcage. “The sort of plans that sound much nicer when you have company, I think.” He pauses. “Not that– not that I’m expecting you to–” He sighs, running a hand through his hair, making it stick up. “I’m sorry,” he says. “Really, I’m not usually this… awkward.”

    “You don’t have to apologise,” you say, shaking your head.

    “I used to be a real ladies’ man, you know,” Roger says. “Back in the day. Before my wi– my ex-wife. And the kids.”

    “Sure,” you say, drawling sarcastically.

    Roger laughs again, a little surprised, but amused. “I was!” he insists. “I was picking up women left and right.”

    “I believe you,” you say lightly.

    Roger grins, and you have to take a steadying breath. “You’ve got a tongue on you, haven’t you?” he says delightedly.

    “So it’s been said.”

    It comes out more suggestive than you’d intended. Roger takes a moment to drink you in, and then he bites his bottom lip, looking away, one hand sliding into the back pocket of his jeans, the other one slipping under his shirt, massaging his shoulder.

    Your stomach flips and jumps. You take a sip of water.

    “You sure you’ve never been with anyone before?” Roger says.

    You snort. “That’s a pretty rude question, don’t you think?”

    Roger smiles sheepishly. “You’re right. Sorry. I wasn’t thinking.”

    You take another sip of water, and then say, “I haven’t slept with anyone, no. I think I’d know if I had.”

    “Right,” Roger says mildly, nodding.

    You narrow your eyes at him. “What?”

    “Nothing, I didn’t say anything.”

    “You’re thinking very loudly. Is there something wrong with me not having slept with anyone?”

    “No,” Roger says, his eyes widening. “No, shit, that’s not what I was trying to say. It– you just seem… I’m just surprised. That someone like you…”

    You adjust your dress again. Roger’s eyes drop to your breasts again, and back up to your face. “What do you mean by that?” you ask, trying not to preen.

    Roger ponders over his answer for a while. “You just seem to… know what you want.”

    “Oh, you think so?”

    “Yeah,” Roger says noncommittally.

    His eyes find yours, and they stay there. Your heart is racing in your chest now, making your blood feel warm. You’ve been attracted to plenty of people before, but this is really something else.

    Roger clears his throat, breaking away, and you surreptitiously squeeze your thighs together.

    Your phone buzzes on your thigh. It’s Justine. so he’s hot?

    “Is that your Uber?” Roger asks. If you aren’t mistaken, he sounds almost disappointed.

    Your cheeks grow hot. “Oh, um, I haven’t actually… I forgot to call it.”

    “Oh,” Roger says. A tinge of relief? “Well, no rush.”

    “It’s just my friend checking up on me,” you add.

    “That’s good of them.”

    “Yeah. Well, actually, she was checking up on me before. Now she’s just–” You open and close your mouth a few times, but decide to be honest. “Uh, she’s just, um, asking about you.”

    Roger quirks an eyebrow, and it’s so hot that you have to look away. “About me?”

    Your phone buzzes again. are you on ur way home now?

    “Uh,” you say, and quickly type out, not yet.

    “What have you told her?” Roger asks, playfully curious.

    You put your phone down, and take a breath, smoothing your hands down your legs, thinking carefully of how to answer. “Just that you seem nice.”

    “Nice?” Roger says.

    “And you’re… Well.” You smirk. “I’m sure you’ve seen yourself in the mirror. No point in boosting your ego too much.”

    Roger steps forward, drawn to you by an invisible string. “I don’t think I understand,” he says faux-innocently.

    “I’m sorry, weren’t you just saying a minute ago that you were pulling girls left and right?” you say, cocking your head.

    “Oh, yeah, when I was twenty,” Roger says. “Not talking about now.”

    “Have you tried?”

    Roger pauses, slightly taken aback by this, and his eyes roll to the ceiling as he thinks, blowing hair out of his cheeks. “You may have a point there.”

    “And I suppose that’s why these friends of yours contacted me?”

    “You… may have a point there,” Roger says again.

    You nod to yourself. “I don’t see why they couldn’t have just taken you to a pub and set you up with someone there. It’d have been a lot cheaper.”

    “They’ve, um…” Roger cards his hand through his hair. “They’ve tried that, actually.” He hesitates, and then walks over to you, sitting down on the armchair near you. “They’ve taken me out a couple of times.”

    “And you’ve struck out?” you ask.

    Roger chuckles. “No. I – well, like you said, I suppose I haven’t really tried. I didn’t want to.”

    “Too soon?”

    “No, it’s not that. It’s…” Roger pulls a face. “I don’t know. Haven’t felt like it, really. Maybe it was too soon. Or maybe the thought of having to try to chat someone up just seemed like so much effort.”

    “Surely it wouldn’t be much effort for you.”

    Roger meets your eyes again, and he smiles slowly, running his tongue along his teeth. “Oh yeah?”

    Your phone vibrates. The way Roger’s looking at you makes you wish it was something else vibrating that you could put to good use alone in your room.

    Roger’s eyes flick down to the phone, and back up to your face. “That your friend again?”

    You hesitate, and then flip the phone over. hellooooo????? wtf is going on????

    “Yeah,” you say, and put the phone down beside you.

    “You going to answer it?”

    “In a minute.”

    You smooth your hands down your thighs. Roger watches like a hawk.

    Your hands slide back up your thighs.

    He swallows.

    You smile.

    “You, um, you ever…” Roger tears his eyes away from your thighs to look at your face. “Have– have you ever had a boyfriend? Or girlfriend?”

    “Yeah,” you say casually. “Not for a long while, though. And nothing too serious. Nothing as full-on as marriage.”

    Roger laughs, but it comes out sounding a bit strangled. “Yeah. That’s all right, though. That doesn’t matter.”

    Your phone buzzes.

    You ignore it.

    “I never got around to… all of that,” you explain. “Y’know. Fucking.”

    Roger’s face goes slack. “Uh–”

    “I wasn’t waiting for anyone special,” you continue. Your blood feels electrified under his gaze. “Just never quite got there.”

    “Never quite–?”

    You hum. “That’s misleading. I’ve made out with plenty of people, but that’s all. Some over-the-clothes action. Basically nothing, really.”

    Roger looks like he’s struggling to breathe. “Uh-huh.”

    “You probably find that hard to imagine,” you say with a wry smile. “Having kids and all. How old were you your first time?”

    Roger blinks, and takes a moment to reply. “Uh, I was sixteen.”

    You laugh. “God, I can’t even picture…” You frown, and shake your head. “It’s hard to picture what it’d be like, you know? The reality of it? You can watch as much porn as you like – and I’ve watched plenty, mind you – but, like, I know that it’s not real. Not realistic, anyway. I’ve spent what feels like ages just trying to picture what is actually is like, but it’s impossible for me to know.”

    “It’s good,” Roger says, and it comes out in a rush, and he looks surprised at himself.

    You feel a thrill go through you. “Good?”

    “Yeah,” Roger says. “Everyone says your first time isn’t good, but that’s only if your partner doesn’t know what they’re doing. And it’s nice when you have an idea of what you’re doing, too, but that comes with time. And if you have a good teacher.” He rakes his hand through his hair again. “But when the chemistry is right, and the mood is right, it’s… good.”

    “That’s descriptive,” you murmur sarcastically.

    Roger huffs a laugh. “What do you want, a detailed explanation? Graphs and illustrations?”

    “A demonstration would be nice.”

    Shit. Oh, shit. Shit shit shit. Why the fuck did you say that?

    Your eyes are wide, and you open and close your mouth a few times. “Uh.” Roger looks as surprised as you feel. “Oh,” he says. “Um. Wow. Is– is this part of the…”

    You blink. “Part of the…?”

    “The whole…” He gestures vaguely. “…thing. You being paid to…”

    “Did I just make a complete idiot of myself as part of my attempt to woo you as a kind-of sex worker?” you ask. You can’t help but laugh, shaking your head. “Nope. No. That was all me. Just being a dumbass.” You groan, covering your face. “I’m sorry,” you say from behind your hands. “This is so embarrassing.” This whole night has been nothing but a huge embarrassment. You can’t wait to go home and forget about it, thanks to an unhealthy dose of alcohol.

    “I’m sorry,” Roger says.

    You lower your hands. “For what?”

    “For – I don’t know. I just felt I needed to apologise.”

    You snort. “You don’t have to apologise for me very clumsily and awkwardly and horribly trying to flirt with you, Roger.” You roll your eyes at yourself. “You’re probably used to seeing that all the time.”

    “Again, not for a very long time,” Roger says. “But I know what horrible and awkward flirting looks like, and… that wasn’t it.”

    “But clumsy, though, right?” you say, screwing up your nose.

    Roger chuckles. “Maybe. But that’s all right.” He shifts in his seat. “I was just as clumsy.”

    You wave a hand, and reach for your phone. It’s high time you called your Uber. And reply to Justine. “You weren’t flirting with me.”

    You re-read the messages from Justine you’re yet to reply to.

    so hes hot?

    are you on ur way home now?

    hellooooo????? wtf is going on????

    Then the new one, from a few minutes ago: for the love of god can u please reply to me. something. anything. I’ll take a solid thumbs-up.

    So you send a thumbs-up.

    When you look up, Roger is staring at you, and you realise he hasn’t spoken since you did.

    You’ve well and truly crossed a line somewhere. You can’t blame him for wanting you out. “I’m sorry,” you say. “I’m just – my friend. I’ll get the Uber now. Sorry it’s taken me so long.”

    “Don’t,” Roger says.

    You pause. “Don’t what?”

    “Don’t order the Uber.”

    Your stomach bubbles. “Wh– No?”

    “Not yet, at least,” Roger says. He leans forward, resting his elbows on his knees. “You think I wasn’t flirting with you?”

    “Why would you be?” you respond automatically.

    “Why would…” Roger shakes his head. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

    “Because I’m a random twenty-year-old woman who’s just shown up at your door on a Tuesday night dressed like this talking about how you paid to take my virginity,” you say bluntly. “Which is more than a little off-putting.”

    “Well, all right, I’ll give you that,” Roger says. “But here I am, still trying to clumsily flirt with you nonetheless.”

    You break out into a smile, a bashful one, and duck your head. “Oh.”

    “Oh,” Roger repeats, a touch playfully.

    You glance up at him. He’s smiling at you, pleased with your reaction, and the thought of kissing him flashes through your mind, and you’ve suddenly never wanted anything more. You purse your lips, looking at your hands again, fiddling with your phone, flipping it around and around in your grip.

    “Mandy,” he says gently, and you’re puzzled for a moment before you remember –

    “That’s, um, not my real name,” you tell him with an awkward chuckle. But you really like how he said it all the same.

    Roger looks so embarrassed that you can’t help but laugh. “Here I was, trying to be all suave, and now I look like an idiot,” he says.

    You shake your head. “You don’t. You didn’t know.”

    “I should’ve guessed you weren’t using your real name.”

    “No, it’s fine,” you giggle.

    “Well, am I allowed to know your real name? So I can try again?”

    You hesitate.

    “Unless you don’t want to,” Roger says quickly. “That’s fine. Security, and all. Stranger danger.”

     You laugh again. “Stranger danger? I’m in your house.”

    “I could be a stalker. You don’t know that.”

    Fuck, you’re attracted to him. “Dork,” you say with a roll of your eyes.

    Roger chuckles, his eyes sparkling.

    “It’s [Y/N],” you add.

    “[Y/N],” he repeats, and your breath catches ever so slightly. He pauses, and then comes to sit beside you on the couch, and holds out his hand. “Nice to meet you, [Y/N],” he says. “I’m Roger.”

    You giggle, and take his hand, shaking it. “Nice to meet you, Roger.”

    He’s so close now. He smells amazing, and his hand is warm, and his eyes are so blue, and his lips–

    You realise you’ve been staring at his mouth, your hand still in his, and you glance back up at his eyes before quickly taking your hand back, looking away.

    You tuck your hair behind your ear, clearing your throat. You’re barely aware of your own body – only his, and how close it is to yours. Like there’s a force between the two of you, connecting you. When he swallows and moves his hand back to his own lap, you can feel it as if it’s your own.

    “Do you, um…” Roger takes a breath in, and you feel your chest, your lungs, buzz. “Tell me about yourself a bit.”

    “Me?” you say, looking to him. Oh, wow, he really is close. Fucking hell, you want him.

    “Yeah,” he says, smiling. “What do you do for fun? Stuff like that?”

    You lick your lips, and his eyes dart to the movement. “Um, well, I…” You absentmindedly adjust your dress, and it catches his eye again. “I’m at uni, in my second year. It’s all right. Pretty stressful, obviously, but I like it well enough. I live with two of my friends. I, um… I like… dogs.”

    Roger laughs.

    This is so stupid, you realise. You both clearly want each other.

    You shake your head. “Stupid,” you mutter.

    Roger frowns. “What’s stupid?”

    “This,” you say. You gesture between the two of you for emphasis. “This.”

    “Oh,” Roger says. He shifts away from you. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”

    You huff. “You’re not.”

    “Then what–”

    “Kiss me,” you cut in.

    Roger stops. “Kiss you?”

    “Yes,” you say, keeping your gaze steady on his. “You’re too damn difficult to resist. So kiss me.”

    Roger hesitates.

    You raise your eyebrows. “Unless you don’t want to?”

    “No, I – I do,” he says. “I just…”

    “What?”

    “I feel like the circumstances… I don’t want you to think I’m just doing this because I’ve paid you to…”

    “I don’t think that,” you say. “And I don’t want your money; this is way beyond that now. I’m not trying to trick you into sleeping with me so I can force you to pay me. I just know chemistry when I see it.”

    Roger chuckles. “I was right,” he says. “You know exactly what you want.”

    You steel your nerves. “Yeah,” you say with a shrug of your shoulders. “And I want you.”

    Roger swallows. “But you don’t even know me.”

    “Nope.”

    “And you’re in my house.”

    “Yep.”

    “And I’m so much older than you.”

    “That’s right.”

    “And you’re…”

    “I’m a virgin,” you finish, nodding. “I know. But for the love of God, Roger, if you don’t kiss me right now, I’m going to scream.”

    Roger exhales, shakes his head minutely, and then says, “God fucking damn it,” and leans in to kiss you.

    You immediately shift to press closer towards him, one hand coming to rest against his chest. He kisses you earnestly, but gently, like he’s nervous. Nervous about making you feel pressured, you can safely assume.

    But that’s not what you’re about. You pull back, and, before he can say anything, you climb on top of him, straddling his waist, and kiss him again, more deeply than before. He breaks away just far enough to whisper, “Holy shit,” and then ducks his head to kiss down your throat. You tilt your head to give him more room, one hand against his chest and the other raking through his hair. His hands, rough and warm, smooth up your thighs, and your breath catches. They stop just under the hem of the dress, and a soft whine slips from your throat.

    Roger moans in response. “Jesus Christ.”

    You reach down and grab at his wrists, urging his hands to go further up the dress. “Touch me,” you pant.

    He draws back, and you look down at him, at his slightly flushed cheeks and his ruffled hair, and you want him naked, right now. “I don’t want you to feel like you have to do anything you don’t want to,” he says. “We can just make out, that’s absolutely fine. Just because of… the whole… arrangement…”

    “Roger,” you say slowly, “I’m only going to say this once, because I don’t want to have to repeat myself.”

    He nods, swallowing.

    You cup his face in your hands, boring your eyes into his. “I want you to fuck me. Tonight. Right now.”

    Roger takes a shaky breath. “Are you–”

    “What did I just say?” you cut in. “Not repeating it.”

    Roger smiles, laughing breathlessly. “Bloody hell.”

    You smirk. “I’ll take that as a compliment.”

    “Oh, it most certainly is one, believe me.”

     You lean in to kiss him, and his hands, thank the Lord, slide further up your thighs. You start unbuttoning his shirt, blindly, fumbling a little, and your kisses grow more eager.

    You’ve kissed a number of people in your time. Not a whole lot, but a few. And Roger really takes the damn cake.

    When his shirt is fully unbuttoned, untucked from his jeans, you move your lips down his neck, and he moans, letting his head roll back, his hands shifting to grab your ass, pulling you against him. You can feel the tent in his jeans, and, beyond thrilled, you grind against it, loving how a bolt of arousal shoots through you. Roger’s grip on you tightens, and when you nip at his skin, he spits out, “Fuck.”

    You rock your hips against him again, and he laughs again. “God, it’s been too long.”

    You hum, nipping his throat again and soothing it with your tongue. “How long is too long?”

    “Months. Lost count. Ah, fuck.”

    You pull back, giving him a look, and he lifts his head to meet your eyes. “Try twenty years,” you say dryly.

    Roger shakes his head. “Can’t even imagine.” He kisses you, just once, and then murmurs against your lips, “I promise I’ll make this good for you.”

    You shiver. “I’m sure you will.”

    “I mean it.” He kisses you again, and then sits back, his hands sliding back to your thighs and squeezing them gently. “I want this to be good for you. If I’m going to be your first, I want you to enjoy it. So you have to tell me if I’m doing something you don’t like, yeah?”

    You nod. “Yeah.”

    “I don’t care what it is we’re doing – you can tell me to stop at literally any point, and I will, no questions asked.”

    You nod. “I know, I know.”

    Roger chuckles. “You just really want to get things going, don’t you?”

    “Yes.” You press your lips to his, and, now that you both know where things lie between you, you’re both eager to get to the next step. The kisses quickly become more feverish, hotter, deeper. Roger’s hands go to the back of your dress, working the zipper down your spine, and you shudder at the feeling of it. When he’s done, you sit back to yank it over your head, dropping it the floor behind you.

    Roger’s eyes drink you in, his mouth hanging open. “Whoa.”

    You flush under his gaze. You know you look good – you’d worn your push-up bra and matching lace underwear for a reason – but it’s still a rush to get a reaction like that.

    “Bedroom?” Roger says, his voice a touch weak, and you nod, leaning in to steal one last kiss before climbing off him, taking his hand and pulling him to his feet. He groans slightly as he does so, and you giggle.

    “I know, I know, I’m old,” he says.

    “No, I like it,” you say, tugging him closer to you and hooking a finger of your other hand through a belt loop on his jeans. “Dad noises.”

    Roger shakes his head, his hands coming to rest on your waist, and you lean into the touch. “Don’t say that,” he grumbles. “Makes me feel even older.”

    “You’re not old,” you say, rolling your eyes. “You’re not even forty.”

    Roger laughs. “Ah, yes, a real spring chicken.”

    “Can you stop whining and fuck me already? I’m gonna be forty by the time we get to it.”

    Roger snorts. “Cheeky.” He leans in to kiss you, and you curl your arms around his neck, pressing into him.

    When you break apart, you take Roger’s hand again, and he leads you to his bedroom, both of you stumbling slightly in the dark house. You’re only in your underwear, but you’re still wearing your heels, and you feel like you’re in some kind of Victoria Secret ad.

    Roger keeps glancing back at you, his eyes sweeping your body, and he’s so distracted he almost runs into a wall at one point, and you have to tug on his arm to pull him out of the way, laughing as you do so. He retaliates by pushing you up against the wall and kissing you senseless, his thigh slotted between yours. You’re lightheaded and unbelievably turned on by the time he breaks away again, and it feels like a lifetime before you reach his bedroom. 

    Roger switches on the light.

    The double bed is unmade, but the room itself is fairly tidy, just a pair of shoes and a shirt on the floor. The whole room screams tax-paying adult, and you’re reminded again that the man you’re about to sleep with is, in fact, a proper adult. Not like you, an adult by the loosest terms imaginable, but a fully-grown man with children and a mortgage and a career, probably. A completely different world to yours.

    But none of that will matter when you’re both naked. 

    He closes the door behind him, and then you’re pouncing on him, pushing his shirt off his shoulders and all but tearing his belt off. His hands are tight on your hips, and when you undo his belt and the button and fly on his jeans, he pants, “Bed, bed, go sit on the bed.”

    You do as you’re told, sitting on the edge of the bed and crossing one knee over the other, taking the opportunity to quickly tie your hair back out of your face while and Roger fumbles with the rest of his clothes, kicking off his shoes and pulling off his socks and jeans. You can tell that he would’ve been thin as a twig back in the day, and you’d easily call him slender even now, but his body is soft, the sign of a father who’s spent more time taking care of the kids and having a beer in the evenings to wind down than going to the gym. It suits him, looks good on him. You’re certainly a big fan.

    Soon, he’s down to nothing but his boxer-briefs. His boxer-briefs, which are neon green.

    You break out into a grin, and Roger looks down at them, sighing. “Of all the fucking pairs I could’ve put on today,” he mutters.

    “They’re pretty great,” you say, and you make sure you have Roger’s full attention before you uncross your legs, spreading your knees wide, leaning back on your hands, “but I’m more interested in what’s underneath them.”

    From the look on Roger’s face, you’d guess his legs are about to give out from under him. “You’re gonna fucking kill me,” he huffs, and he hurries over.

    Grinning, you scramble backwards on the bed, lying down, and he crawls after you, over you, and his kiss is bruising.

    Your hands are shaking now – with excitement and with nerves, a lot of nerves – but you ignore that, and worm your fingers inside his underwear, wrapping your hand around him and giving him a tug.

    He jerks, and you have a moment of panic where you think you’ve done the wrong thing, but then he kisses you with more fervour, so you do it again. This time, his hand finds yours, gently guiding you away.

    “Did I do something wrong?” you ask.

    Roger looks confused for a moment, and then says, “God, no. I just don’t want to get too worked up before we get to, y’know, the main event.”

    “Oh,” you say, smiling in relief.

    “You really have no experience at all, do you?” Roger says, sounding almost disbelieving.

    “That’s what I’ve been saying,” you say. “It hasn’t all been some elaborate ruse to get into your pants. Literally all I have is some vague, theoretical ideas on how this works. And I know the mechanics. But that’s it. So you’re gonna have to be patient with me.”

    “That’s fine by me,” Roger says. He chuckles. “It’ll make everything I do seem much more magical than it really is.”

    “Sure,” you say mock-condescendingly.

    Roger laughs, and he looks so wonderful when he’s laughing that you can’t help but smile, your hand reaching up to comb through his hair.

    He notices the look in your eye, your smile, and he smiles back in a way that makes your stomach squirm and your fingers and toes tingle.

    He kisses you, and the squirming in your stomach grows into full-blown butterflies, big Amazonian ones, and you begin to have an inkling that, oh no, this could be bad. This could be very bad indeed.

    It’s probably nothing. He’s just hot, and nice, and funny, so you’re excited to have sex with him. That’s it. You’re a duckling that’s imprinted on its mother. Except you’re a human, and Roger’s the first person you’re having sex with, not your mother.

    Not the best analogy you’ve come up with. You can’t blame yourself, though – the way Roger’s kissing you is turning your brain into mush.

    He presses a kiss to just under your ear, and then kisses all the way down your throat, and you tilt your head back. “Feels so good,” you murmur.

    You can feel Roger smile against your skin.

    He keeps going, kissing the hollow at the base of your throat, further down still, and you bite your bottom lip. He presses a kiss to the top of your right breast, and then looks up at you. “Can I take your bra off?”

    You nod eagerly, and he moves back so you can sit up. “Oh, I’ve still got my shoes on,” you said.

    “I’ve noticed,” Roger says, and you chuckle.

    “As super sexy as they are, I do wanna take them off,” you say.

    Roger ducks forward to drop a kiss to your neck, and the butterflies are back, and you can feel your cheeks going pink. You want to hide your face, but Roger’s right there, and you can’t look away from his eyes. “How about you take your bra off,” he says, “and I’ll get your shoes.”

    “You don’t have to take my shoes off for me,” you say.

    “Well, I want to,” he says simply, and shuffles down, climbing off the bed. He gestures for you to shift forward, and you do, until your feet are hanging off the bed, your knees hooked over the edge. Roger gets onto his knees – he makes a dad noise as he does so, and you giggle again – and fiddles with the buckle on one of your shoes.

     You take a moment to watch him, biting your lip, smiling, and then reach behind you and unhook your bra, slipping it from your shoulders.

    He doesn’t look up right away, and you’re thankful for a moment to get your head around the fact that you’ve never been completely topless in front of anyone before. You’re self-conscious about the grooves the bra has dug into your skin, about the way your breasts look without the aid of the push-up, and you almost go to cross your arms over yourself, but then Roger glances up, and his hands go still. “Bloody hell,” he breathes. “You’re gorgeous.”

    You tuck your hair behind your ear. “Thanks,” you say in a small voice, unsure how else to respond.

    Roger shakes his head, and focuses back on the shoe, making quick work of it and easing it off your foot, setting it down beside him. He moves onto the other shoe. “Talk about winning the fuckin’ lottery,” he says.

    “I could say the same,” you say.

    Roger stops again, looking to you, and then smiles, looking back to the shoe. His ears have gone red.

    He takes the second shoe off and places it beside the first, then presses light kisses to the inside of your knee. He moves further up your leg, up your thigh, and you realise you’re holding your breath. His arms are curled around underneath your legs.

    Roger looks up at you, his thick eyelashes making him look almost angelic. “Is this all right?” he says. “If I…?”

    He’s asking if he can eat you out. Oh, God, he’s asking if he can eat you out. He wants to put his mouth and tongue there, and maybe his fingers, too, and no one’s ever done that before.

    You nod eagerly. Maybe a little too eagerly, as Roger laughs.

    You feel your stomach cave in on itself in embarrassment. “Actually, no thanks,” you say, trying to pull your legs back. “Changed my mind.”

    “No, no, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to laugh,” Roger says, still chuckling. He coaxes your legs back to where they were, and kisses your thigh. “It was just the look on your face.”

    “You’re doing a terrible job of wooing me,” you say, aiming for resolute and chastising, but it comes out sounding more weedy and humiliated.

    “I’m sorry,” Roger says again, and his hands stroke your legs soothingly. “I am. I didn’t mean to make you feel embarrassed.” He smiles, a glint in his eye, and you’re momentarily left breathless. “Can I… make it up to you?”

    You can’t help but smile back, rolling your eyes. “Wow. Cheesy.”

    “Thank you,” Roger says. “I’m going to be honest, as fun as this banter is, my knees aren’t going to last forever.”

    You splutter a laugh. “Yes, yes, okay, yes please.”

    Roger surges up off the floor to press a firm kiss to your lips, and you take a moment to wonder just how dodgy his knees really are if he can do something like that, or whether he was just looking for a convenient segue into getting your underwear off. You’re not fussed either way.

    Roger kisses your collarbone, and then pulls back, hooking his fingers into your underwear. “Lift your hips up for me, love?”

    The pet name makes heat pool between your legs. Oh, Jesus.

    “Mm-hm,” you say, hoping it sounds more nonchalant to him than it does to your own ears, and lie back to lift your hips, and he slides your underwear down your legs and drops them near your shoes.

    You expect him to go back to his knees straight away, but he holds himself above you, kissing you, deep and slow, making you whimper into his mouth. One hand holds himself up, and the other one massages your hip, his thumb kneading your skin. Relaxing you, you realise. You let yourself get lost in the kiss, and you’re only partially aware when Roger’s hand moves from your hip to your thigh, brushing over your skin.

    You’re extremely aware, however, when his fingers stroke through your folds for the first time.

    Despite yourself, you jump, and Roger murmurs, “Sorry,” but you shake your head to dismiss his concerns, and pull him in again.

    For a few moments it’s strange, feeling someone’s else hand there, and you’re very conscious of how wet you are, and you wonder if it’s something you should be embarrassed about, but then Roger circles your clit, and suddenly all your worries seem very far away.

    It feels… good. Really fucking good. Roger’s fingers are rougher than yours, but they’re clearly experienced in how they move.

    You push your hips up against Roger’s hand, wanting more, and Roger complies, his fingers moving just a touch more roughly, and he ducks his head to nuzzle at your throat, kissing it, nipping lightly.

    “Oh, God,” you moan to the ceiling, overwhelmed already, and you almost laugh at how surprised you sound. Your hand grips Roger’s hair, and you hope it’s not too hard, but you couldn’t let go if you tried.

    Then Roger’s hand is gone, and you let out a choked sound at the sudden stop. You try to gather your thoughts to ask why, but then Roger is kissing down your body. Oh, man, you think, unable to conjure up anything else, and Roger chuckles, and you realise you said it out loud, but you don’t have time to be embarrassed, as Roger takes one of your nipples into his mouth, his tongue swirling around it, his teeth tugging at it, and you gasp.

    “I’ve never… That’s new,” you say weakly, hissing when Roger runs the flat of his tongue over your nipple.

    Roger pulls off to ask, “Do you like it?”

    “Yeah,” you say. “Yeah, uh-huh.”

    “Good.” He goes back to his task, and you arch off the bed slightly.

    “So good,” you breathe. Roger switches to the other nipple, and you moan appreciatively.

    Eventually, both to your dismay and your excitement, he draws away, and presses a single kiss to the space between your breasts. “You’re fucking stunning,” he says, and then he moves back to climb off the bed, setting himself between your thighs.

    You struggle to wrap your head around it. How he could be making you feel this good, and then still compliment you, as if you’ve done anything to deserve it?

    Roger doesn’t waste time talking now. He kisses the inside of your thigh, and then he dives straight in, his tongue nudging your clit as it pushes through your folds. You suck in a sharp gasp, your hand gripping his hair tightly. Your other hand flails, grappling at the sheets as he starts to find a rhythm. You wind up pressing the back of it to your mouth, trying to muffle the sounds you’re making, trying to gather some sort of control, because right now you feel like you’re falling head-first off a cliff, and Roger has complete power over how you land.

    He does something with his mouth – you couldn’t tell for the life of you what it is – and your hips buck against your will. “Sorry,” you blurt out, and it comes out broken and breathless.

    Roger just adjusts one of his arms, bracing it across your hips, holding you down, and you moan. His other hand joins his mouth, sliding a finger into you. “Oh, fuck,” you whisper, and then your hand returns to its position, keeping you somewhat quieter.

    It doesn’t take long before Roger’s working in a second finger, pumping them in and out of you, and the sound of it is so obscene that it makes your face go bright red. You’re climbing towards an orgasm, frighteningly quickly, and when a third finger squeezes in beside the first two, you very nearly come, but the sting of the stretch is enough to keep it at bay.

    But then your body relaxes around the three fingers, and Roger crooks them just so and sucks on your clit, and you move your hand away from your mouth to say in a rush, “I’m– I’m so close, I’m gonna come, fuck, ah, shit,” and then–

    Then Roger is gone, his fingers and mouth are gone, and you’re left teetering on the brink of an orgasm, feeling like the air has been punched out of you.

    “Wh– Roger?” you say, your head a mess. You prop yourself up on your elbows to see Roger still between your legs, but instead he’s massaging your thighs with his thumbs, dropping light kisses to your soft skin.

    He smiles up at you, his nose and chin glistening. “Thought we could try something.”

    You shake your head to try to clear it. “But I was just about to…”

    You can still feel the urge. Another minute, and you’ll be there. But the longer you wait, the more the feeling fades. It makes you want to punch a wall.

    Roger hums. “I know. That’s the point.”

    You frown, trying to wrap your head around it. “You… don’t want me to?”

    “Not yet.”

    It finally clicks. “You’re gonna do that to me a couple more times before you make me come, aren’t you?”

    Roger’s smile widens into a grin. “That’s the plan. If you’re on board.”

    “I’m on board,” you say. “As long as when I do come, it blows my fucking mind.”

    “That’s really the point of it, love.” Roger keeps eye contact with you as he leans forward to press a kiss to your core, and you shudder. “And move your hand away from your mouth. You don’t have to be quiet. The more sounds you make, the better.”

    “When am I gonna get my hands on you?” you ask. “I’ve barely even touched your dick yet.”

    Roger huffs a laugh, and you can feel his breath against you. “We’re getting there,” he says easily. “Good things come to those who wait.”

    “Ugh, that’s such a dad thing to say,” you bemoan, lying back down.

    Roger laughs again, and then his mouth and hands return to where you so desperately need them. You suck in air through your teeth. “Fuck, Roger.”

    Roger moans, and you jerk at the sensation.

    He brings you to the edge once more, and, even though you don’t tell him when you’re about to come, he knows, and leaves you hanging once again. So close, so close, but not close enough.

    You feel like crying. Or kicking him in the face.

    You moan helplessly, slinging an arm over your eyes, your legs trembling as Roger smiles against your thigh – you can feel it. A smug smile that makes your blood boil and your core throb even more than it already is.

    Then his fingers push into you for a third time, and his tongue licks through you, but this time it’s slow, painfully slow, not enough to make you come but enough to keep your head lost in the clouds, enough to make your stomach clench and twist, desperately searching for something. It’s enough to make you grind your teeth together. “God, fuck, I need to come,” you sob against the palm of your hand, your thighs trying to clench around Roger’s ears, but his arm is in the way, keeping your hips still.

    His tongue drags against your clit, steady and unhurried, and the gasping whine that rips itself from your throat is piercing to your ears. Not even your hand could muffle it.

    “There we go,” Roger says, and does it again.

    You squirm. “Roger, fuck, please, I wanna come so bad.”

    Roger’s fingers still move in and out of you at a leisurely pace, but he uses his mouth to say, “You wanna come?”

    “Yes,” you say miserably. “Please, I need to.”

    His thumb presses against your clit, and you bite your bottom lip, your body twisting.

    “Christ,” Roger breathes. “That’s a fucking sight.”

    “Fuck me,” you beg. “Anything, just please.”

    Roger takes his hand away, standing and wiping his face on the back of his hand, and you swear. He kicks off his boxer-briefs. His cock is hard and red, swollen, leaking. You sit up and zero in on it like it’s a four-course meal and you haven’t eaten in days. You scramble off the bed, dropping to your knees in front of him.

    “Fucking hell,” he says, clearly not expecting you to do that.

    “Can I suck you off?” you ask desperately, resisting the urge to just shove your mouth around his dick without further preamble. “I’ll do a good job, I promise. Just tell me what to do. I’m a fast learner.” You curl your fist around him, sucking the head into your mouth.

    Roger makes a strangled sound, his hips bucking slightly. “Wait, wait, wait,” he says quickly, guiding your head away with a hand on your head.

     You pull back, but keep your hand where it is. “Just fuck my mouth,” you say, gazing up at him. “I dunno how that works, but I can keep it open.” You do so, sticking your tongue out, silently begging with your eyes.

    Roger chuckles softly to himself, running a hand through his hair. “You’re gonna make me come just from running your mouth like that.”

    You open your mouth wider.

    “Or from just doing that,” Roger says. He pries your hand away from his dick, using it to pull you to your feet.

    He kisses you, a hungry kiss, a you’re doing so well kiss, and it makes you preen. “But I want to fuck you,” he says. “I’ve had my dick sucked before; you’ve never been fucked.”

    “I’ve never sucked a dick before, either, though,” you reason.

    “Well, hit me up next time you’re in the neighbourhood,” Roger jokes. Before you can reply, he kisses you again, and you drink him in greedily, palming at his cock until his kisses grow sloppy, messy, more teeth and tongue, and he has to snatch your wrist. “Let me get inside you first,” he growls. “Good God.”

    “I like it when you’re bossy,” you say, teasingly.

    Roger hums, his eyes dark. “You need that attitude fucked right out of you.”

    “Do it,” you say fervently, grinning in delight when he grabs your other wrist as well to stop you from touching him. “Do it, do it, do it. Fuck it right out me. I need it. Never had anyone try to fuck anything out of me before.”

    Roger shudders. “Jesus.”

    You half-heartedly try to tug your wrists back, but he holds them tightly. “Fuck me till I can’t walk,” you say. “Come on.”

    Roger takes a breath, and then lets your wrists go. “Bed. Now.”

    You scramble to obey, clenching your thighs together at the sight of Roger. He looks wrecked already, his hair a mess, his skin flushed, his eyes glassy, his lips red. He goes to his bedside table and digs out a bottle of lube and some condoms. “Maybe should check the date on these,” he mutters to himself, and squints at the packets in his hands. After a few moments of peering at them, he sighs in frustration, and reaches for the pair of glasses on the table that you hadn’t noticed before. He slips them on, and then nods at the packets. “They’re fine.”

    He goes to take the glasses off, but you say, “Wait, show me.”

    He turns to you. “Show you what?”

    Fuck, he looks gorgeous in those glasses. They’re large, round ones, with delicate silver frames, and you make a soft sound. “Oh, wow.”

    “I know, they’re horrendous,” Roger says, taking off the glasses and setting them down. “My eyesight’s always been shite, but I can’t stand wearing the bloody things.”

    “No, you look great,” you say. “So great, in fact, that I need you to get the condom on so you can fuck me literally right now.”

    Roger raises his eyebrows. “You what?”

    “I’m dying here, Roger,” you say loudly, smacking the bed beside you. “You look hot as fuck in those glasses, and I’m so insanely horny that I’m about to explode. I need your dick in me right now.”

    Roger grins, and rips open the condom packet. “All right. Jeez.”

    “Let me do it,” you say, crawling over to him and taking the condom from him.

    “You’ve ever done it before?” he asks.

    “Not since we had to at school when I was, like, fifteen.” You do it carefully, to the best of your memory. Your mouth waters being so close to his cock. “Is this right?”

    “Yeah, perfect,” Roger says. “You look incredible, by the way.”

    You look up at Roger, and the butterflies return. You’re left momentarily speechless, but it doesn’t matter, because Roger leans down and kisses you. His hand rests against your collarbones, and you get another idea in your head. You rise up into a kneel, keeping his lips on yours, and then you take his hand, pressing it against your throat: a silent invitation.

    Roger moans into your mouth, and applies some pressure, just a bit, testing the waters.

    It makes your core ache, and you kiss him harder, so he presses harder in return. His palm is warm against your throat, and you keep one hand loosely around his wrist, the other hand in his hair, as it is wont to do.

    You end up lying back on the bed, Roger pressing his hand against your throat as you gasp and squirm.

    “You like this, don’t you?” Roger says, fingers on his other hand dipping into your folds. “Fuck, feel how wet you are.”

    You nod desperately. Your mouth is hanging open, and your head is starting to swim.

    “Is that all for me, love?”

    You whimper, nodding again. You can hear your heartbeat in your ears.

    Roger lets go of your throat, and you gasp, your eyes wide. “More,” you say immediately. “More. Fuck me like that.”

    Roger smiles, keeping his palm against your throat, but brushes his thumb across your skin. His other hand curls around your knee. “Your enthusiasm is… mind-blowing,” he says with a chuckle, “but just take a moment, yeah? You’re all over the shop. Slow down a bit.”

    “I don’t wanna slow down,” you protest, grabbing onto his forearm.

    “We’ve got time, love. It doesn’t have to be over so quickly.”

    “You can’t tease me like that, almost make me come, like, three times, and then tell me to slow down,” you say. “I need you, Roger. Christ, I need you. Show me what it’s like, show me how good my first time can be.”

    Roger’s pupils are blown wide, and he lets out a shaky breath. He swallows. “Spread your legs.”

    You grin, and do so. Roger lets go of your throat and leans over you on all fours to kiss you briefly. “I’m not choking you while I fuck you,” he says. “I want you to feel all of it, not have your head somewhere else.”

    You nod vigorously.

    Roger reaches for the lube. You hold out your hand, and he raises an eyebrow at you, but pours some into your hand. You reach forward and slide your fist up and down his cock, spreading the lube. He groans and shudders, and then he says, “That’s enough, that’s enough, I want to fuck you.”

    You take your hand away, wiping the lube on the sheets, Roger surges forward to capture your lips with his, and you feel the head of his cock nudging at your entrance. A shot of adrenaline explodes within you.

    “Tell me if it hurts, okay?” Roger says, and you nod.

    Then, slowly, he pushes into you, just an inch or two. You gasp at the stretch, gripping onto his arms, your mouth wide.

    Roger stills, and nuzzles at your throat. “You okay?”

    “Mm-hm,” you say, biting your lip. “Keep… Keep going.”

    He does, rocking in shallowly, just going a little further each time. He’s panting against your neck, and you can feel your sweat pricking your skin. You can’t help but admire Roger’s back, the way the muscles move.

    It feels good. Once you get over the initial shock to the system of having something that size inside you, you realise why you were so excited to get to this in the first place.

    “I’m good,” you say, nails absentmindedly scratching the back of his neck. “It– It doesn’t hurt or anything.”

    “You sure?” Roger asks, kissing your neck softly.

    You can’t help but laugh. “Roger, for the love of all things holy, fuck me.”

    He doesn’t need another invitation. He slams into you, and your eyes go wide, a tiny sound of surprise leaping out of you.

    “Sorry,” Roger says, raising his head to kiss you in apology.

    “Don’t fucking apologise, it feels good,” you say back. “Come on, come on.”

    Roger laughs, and kisses you. You can feel his laughter against your lips, feel the way his smile changes the shape of his mouth, and that dangerously warm feeling in the pit of your stomach returns.

    You could get used to this. Get used to Roger laughing against your lips as he’s buried inside you. Get used to teasing him, to turning him on, to rolling around in his bed.

    As soon as the thoughts creep into your mind, you banish them. That’s not happening, you tell yourself harshly. This is a one-and-done deal. You can’t develop feelings for a man you’ve only met once. A man who is, by the way, in case you’ve forgotten, sixteen years older than you.

    Then Roger pulls out halfway and drives back into you, and all you can think about is his dick.

    Your hand goes back to your mouth, just like before, keeping yourself quiet as you moan and whimper. Your ankles hook over the small of Roger’s back.

    But then Roger pauses, sitting up, and he unwraps your legs from around him and pushes one of your knees flat on the bed, keeping you spread out wide. “Hands away from your mouth, love,” he says. “Let me hear you. It’s okay, you can let go.”

    Your face burns, and you cover it with both of your hands. It’s too big of an ask. You’ve never felt more vulnerable. “Roger…”

    “[Y/N].”

    You lower your hands. He’s watching you, his blue eyes burning with desire, but they’re soft, too. Understanding.

    “Keep your eyes on me,” he says. “Hold onto the sheets, yeah? Can you do that for me?”

    You nod, and, with no small amount of effort, let your arms go by your sides, your fists wrapping in the sheets.

    Roger smiles. “You’re amazing.”

    You turn your head away, overwhelmed.

    “Eyes on me. Hey.”

    You look back at him. Exposed. You’re exposed, in every sense of the word.

    Roger braces himself on the bed beside your ribs, and, keeping one hand on your knee, holding it down, he starts fucking into you again, hard and deep.

    The sound you make could best be described as a mewl, and it’s a sound you’ve never heard yourself make before. Your hands tighten in the sheets, fighting the urge to cover your face again. Roger’s eyes are still on yours, and it’s too much, you want to look away, but you can’t.

    “So good for me,” Roger pants. “Fuck. God, you’re incredible.”

    You whine. “Roger.”

    “That’s it, love. Say my name.”

    He thrusts into you at just the right angle, making your back arch. “Roger.”

    Roger groans, and he lets go of your knee to circle his fingers around your clit. You gasp, your eyes finally breaking away from his to look to the ceiling, feeling yourself climbing rapidly for the fourth time that night.

    “Let me come, let me come, please,” you beg, your arms straining as your fists pull on the sheets.

    Roger leans forward again to kiss you, a mess of heavy breathing and tongues and lips brushing. You let go of the sheets to clutch onto him, pawing at his shoulders and back and hips, unable to settle on where you want to hold him.

    One hand inevitably slides into his hair, and you grip onto it, tugging it hard. Roger’s rhythm stutters, and he groans out your name.

    His fingers feel so fucking good, and, doubled with the way he’s stretched you out, tripled with how he edged you before, you just know how hard you’re going to come. You can feel it building deeper within you than you’ve ever felt before, like an impending tsunami.

    Roger readjusts, sitting back again, his brow furrowed as he searches for just the right spot to hit you.

    When he does, you cry out. “Right there, right there, fuck.”

    Your hands scrabble for purchase, and one finds your own hair, burying itself, and you don’t pull, but you keep a firm grip on it, the slight pain being the only thing keeping you from losing yourself entirely. Your other hand finds the same spot as before in the sheets, and you sob, screwing your eyes shut.

    “You close?” Roger asks, and you nod.

    “Say it out loud, love.”

    “Yes, I’m so close, I’m so close,” you gasp. You’re almost there, you can feel it, only inches away, moments away.

    “Open your eyes, come on.”

    You do, and meet his gaze. “Roger,” you whimper.

    “You gonna come for me?”

    “Y-yeah.”

    “I wanna hear it, yeah? Wanna see you. See you come undone on my cock.”

    And that’s the final nail in the coffin. You orgasm pulses through you, so hard that you convulse, and you wail, blurting out Roger’s name, clenching down on him. Your blood roars in your ears, and you’ve never come so hard in your life.

    Roger moans out, “Fuck,” and then pumps once, twice more, and then comes, groaning your name, a shudder ripping through him.

    When he comes back to himself, blinking his big blue eyes at you, you can’t help but think he looks otherworldly. His face, pink, shines with sweat, as does his whole body. Locks of hair stick to his forehead, his temples. His mouth hangs open, and his chest heaves, and maybe it’s the ten-out-of-ten orgasm you just had, but in that moment, you kinda want to marry him.

    He takes the hand you’ve tangled in the sheets, and presses a kiss to your wrist. Your heart just about explodes. “You all right?”

    You splutter. “All right? The fuck’s that meant to mean?”

    Roger smiles, massaging the palm of your hand with his thumb. “I mean, are you hurting anywhere?”

    My heart hurts from you being all hot and perfect and stupidly romantic, you think. “No,” you say. “I’m just fine.”

    He pulls out of you, carefully, and it does nothing but reignite a spark of arousal within you. Then he collapses onto the bed beside you with an unmistakable dad noise, and takes off the spent condom, tying it off and tossing it into the rubbish bin beside his bed. When that’s done, he wastes no time in rolling onto his side and pulling you in for a kiss. You hum happily, shifting closer to him, not even caring about the sweat and how wet you are all over your inner thighs.

    When he breaks away, he says, “So. How do you feel?”

    “Like I just had the biggest orgasm of my life,” you say.

    Roger chuckles. “I meant now that you’re, y’know…”

    It clicks. “Now I’ve lost my virginity?” you say playfully. “Had my sexual debut? I’ve become a woman?”

    “Not that any of it matters, of course,” Roger adds. “But it’s still… It can be a big thing.”

    You give him a soft kiss. “Yeah, it doesn’t matter,” you say. “Virginity is nothing but a social construct and all of that.”

    “Of course,” Roger reiterates.

    “But I feel… happy.” You hope your grin isn’t as cheesy as it feels. “It’s nice to not have to… worry about it anymore, I suppose? I don’t know if I was really worrying about it before, but it… I don’t know.” You shrug. “I just had a really good time. That’s all that matters.”

    “Good.” Roger’s hand goes to your hip, squeezing it. “I’m glad.”

    “Did…” You lick your lips. “Did you have a good time?”

    “Did I have a good time?” Roger repeats, almost aghast. “Are you joking?”

    “Even though I had no idea what I was doing?”

    “You’re a natural.”

    You laugh. Your stomach squirms – both because of those ridiculous maybe-almost-could-be feelings, and because, even though you know in your mind that the whole sex part of the evening is over, your body certainly isn’t ready to throw in the towel just yet.

    Your thighs clench together, but you do your best to hide how it feels. You don’t want to be greedy.

    Roger feels your thighs move under his hand, though, and he looks to you questioningly. “Are you still–”

    “No, no, I’m fine,” you say lightly, shaking your head. “I was just moving around.”

    Roger pauses, and then says, “All right.” He kisses you, and then takes a moment to gather his energy before he sits up. “I’ll get us some water.” He turns to you, pointing a finger at you, as if something just occurred to him. “You should go pee.”

    Your eyes widen, and you nod. “Oh, yes, good thinking.”

    “Bathroom’s just there,” he says, gesturing across the room at the closed door.

    “You have an en suite?”

    “Well, yeah. Much easier when there’s kids around.” His face falls a little. “Not that I’ve had the kids here very often recently, but uh…”

    “I’m sorry,” you say.

    He shakes his head. “Sorry. It’s fine. Great way to bring down the mood, eh?” He leans down again to kiss you, and then stands up, stretching. “Be back in a mo’.”

    You watch him, your gaze hawk-like, as he pulls on his neon-green underwear and disappears out the door, raking his hand through his hair as he goes.

    Your thighs clench together again, and you whimper.

    You try to push it aside, and slide off the bed to go the bathroom, pulling on your underwear as you go. You don’t exactly feel like putting your push-up bra back on, but you don’t want to just lounge around completely naked. Would it be too presumptuous to put on Roger’s shirt?

    You bite your lip, considering, and then decide to just bite the bullet, slipping it on and buttoning it up. It’s comfy, and smells like him; you understand why women in movies do it now. You do have to call bullshit on wearing a man’s shirt like a short, cute dress though – it’s more just like a long shirt, and you’re glad you’ve chosen to put on underwear.

    It feels odd to pee in a stranger’s house – even odder that it’s an en suite – but you’re thankful that you get a moment to properly gather yourself in private, instead of while being surrounded by the smell of sex.

    It’s when you’re washing your hands that you finally get a look at yourself in the mirror. Your mouth drops open in horror.

    You look like a fucking mess. Your foundation is patchy where you get oily and where you’ve sweated it off, and there’s a slight ring of smudged mascara under your eyes – honestly, you’re thankful that it’s not worse, and that your setting spray did at least something. Your hair, though, is the worst of it all. You look like you’ve been dragged through a bush backwards.

    “Oh, shit,” you whisper to yourself. What can you do? You don’t have any make-up with you to try to fix the problems, but you can’t exactly take it off, either. You have no way to fix your hair. You untie it from the ponytail it was in and try to smooth it out, but it doesn’t really do much, so you tie it back up again, but it’s a shitty ponytail, so you untie it and try again. Then you try a third time, and give up, settling on the disaster that it is, and grab a tissue, blotting at your make-up.

    You sigh, staring at your reflection. Well, fuck. What the fuck are you meant to do? How the hell can you go back into the bedroom, knowing you look like this?

    “[Y/N]?” Roger calls. “You all right in there, love?”

    You shiver. God, the way he says the word ‘love’. The way he says your name.

    You clear your throat. “Um, yeah, I’m– I’m fine. Just…” You can’t say you’re still peeing. Oh, fuck, what if he thinks you’re taking a shit or something? “I’m just fixing up my make-up.”

    “I think there might still be some make-up wipes in a drawer somewhere, if you want to have a look,” Roger says. “Maybe they’re no good anymore, I’m not sure.”

    You have a dig around, and find a packet. It’s already been opened, quite a while ago by the looks of it. Must be Roger’s ex-wife’s.

    The thought of that sits weirdly with you, but you’re not quite sure why. Almost like you feel like you’re intruding, maybe. You certainly don’t feel like you belong here, in this bougie, nice house.

    You sigh again, and pull out a handful of make-up wipes, seeing if there’s any that still hold any moisture. One in the middle has a little bit, so you carefully run it under your eyes, and lightly tap it over your forehead and down your neck to soothe your skin, fixing up any problem areas as best you can without it being too obvious that you’ve just wiped off the make-up.

    The end result is fine. Not good, and certainly not great, but… yeah. Fine.

    You throw the make-up wipes into the bin, take a deep breath, and exit the bathroom.

    Roger’s on his phone, and he looks up when he hears the door open. His face goes slack when he sees you. “You’re wearing my shirt?”

    “Isn’t that what girls are meant to do after sex?” you joke.

    “I just haven’t seen, um, anyone do that in… in a long time,” he says, somewhat stilted, and he glances down at his hands. He quickly turns his eyes back to you. “It looks good. Really good.”

    “Thank you,” you say, and pad over to the bedside table near him, where he has two glasses of water waiting. “Which one’s mine?”

    “On the left.” Roger sets his phone down and watches you as you take a sip of water.

    He’s close to you, and, like before you kissed for the first time, you’re hyperaware of every movement. But he barely moves, just waits for you.

    When you put the water down, you hesitate. You want to climb on top of him, kiss him, feeling his arms around you again, but is that too much? Does he want you to go? Are you overstaying your welcome?

    “You all right?” he asks gently.

    You nod. “Um, yeah,” you say, and take a step back. “You probably, um, have work or something tomorrow, so I should go.”

    You don’t miss the way Roger’s face falls a bit. “Oh, you want to go?”

    No. “Well, it– I don’t want to impose…”

    “If you want to go, then I’ll order an Uber for you,” Roger says. “But don’t feel like you have to go if you don’t want to.”

    The Amazonian butterflies are back yet again. “I…”

    “Because – and correct me if I’m wrong,” Roger says, reaching out and tugging on his shirt, pulling you closer, and you go without any resistance, “but I think you were telling a bit of a fib before, when you said you were… what did you say? Just moving around?”

    You press your lips together as Roger guides you between his legs, and he tilts his head back to gaze up at you. He smiles at the look on your face. “Am I right?”

    You can feel your face heating up again. “No,” you mumble unconvincingly, hiding your smile behind your hand.

    “No hands over mouths,” Roger murmurs, reaching up and taking yours. “You don’t have to hide.”

    Fuck. Oh, fuck. His voice sounds like a warm fireplace feels, and you barely even know him, but you’ve never felt safer, more comfortable, around a man. You can’t pretend now – you’re really starting to like him.

    Roger raises his eyebrows at you, just a touch, searching your face. “So? Am I right?”

    “It’s fine,” you say, shaking your head. “I’m fine, really. You’ve done plenty, I… I can’t ask for more.”

    Roger hums, and presses a kiss to your palm before letting your hand go. “All right, okay,” he says. “I was wrong, I see. Can I at least tell you what I’d do to you if I had been right?”

    You breathe in shakily, and nod once.

    The corner of Roger’s mouth quirks up. “Well,” he says slowly, “first I’d kiss you, of course. And, as hot as you look wearing nothing but my shirt and your knickers, I’d undress you again. Get you lying down on your back, all spread out for me. I’d kiss you some more. Then I think I’d choke you, because you seem to like that a lot, yeah?”

    You nod, hypnotised.

    Roger nods as well. “Right. And then, while I was holding you down by your throat–”

    You gulp.

    “–I’d get my other hand, and I’d–”

    “Okay, yes, you were right,” you blurt out, and grab his face, ducking down to kiss him desperately. He kisses you with just as much hunger, and nudges you a few steps back, giving him enough room so he can stand up and start unbuttoning the shirt. As soon as he’s done, your shrug it from your shoulders, and Roger pulls you closer by your ass. One hand moves to cup your jaw, his tongue pressing against yours. It doesn’t take long before the hand shifts to your throat, and you whimper softly, urging him to tighten his grip.

    He does, and the feeling of it goes straight to your core. Your hands clutch at him frantically.

    He lets go of your throat, and you suck in a gasp, then latch onto his neck, kissing and nipping and sucking at his skin, licking off the salty traces of sweat.

    “Careful, love, careful,” he says shakily. “I can’t turn up to work looking like I’ve been attacked by a vacuum.”

    You huff, but soften your kisses. He moans under his breath, and you don’t think you’ve ever heard anything hotter.

    Soon, you break away, and crawl back onto the bed, and he follows you, positioning himself on all fours above you to kiss you deeply, his knee slotting into between your thighs. He presses it against your core, and you instinctively grind against it, shuddering when it fires an electric shock of arousal through your system. Roger shifts, readjusting his balance so he can bring his hand back to your throat, and you welcome it. You grind against his leg again.

    It’s when you have to stop kissing him, your brain going into overdrive trying to force you to focus on breathing, you have to breathe, that Roger sits back, moving his leg out of the way and replacing it with his other hand.

    “Fuck, Roger,” you gasp, twitching under his grip, your hands vice-like on his forearm. Your eyes slide closed, revelling in the way your head swims, the way your body fights to suck as much oxygen as it can into your lungs. You’re still so wet from before, still so stretched out, that Roger slides two fingers into you at the same time with ease, and you let out a stuttering moan, bucking your hips into his hand. His fingers swirl around your clit, hitting it in just the right way, and within minutes you’re almost there.

    “Most people think the best part about getting choked is the actual ‘getting choked’ part,” Roger says out of the blue, and you frown, trying to follow, opening your eyes.

    “Hear me out,” Roger says casually, pushing his fingers back into you and flicking your clit with his thumb, and you whine. “Are you close, love?”

    You nod.

    Roger hums. “You look so good like this. Does it feel good?”

    You nod again. “Mm-hm.”

    “Yeah, looks like it does. Looks like you enjoy it.”

    “Ah, Roger, please.”

    “It’s all right, love, I’ve got you.” Roger’s fingers quicken their pace, and you make a sound, squirming.

    “As I was saying,” Roger continues, “people think the best part of getting choked is actually getting choked. But it’s not. The best part of it is actually being let go. Do you want to see?”

    You nod, barely even listening to what he’s saying. You’re too close to coming to pay attention.

    And then Roger lets go of your throat at the same time he brushes your clit, and a rush of oxygen flows into your lungs, a rush of blood flows back to your head, and your orgasm slams into you, and the world seems so much brighter in that moment. “Oh, fuck, fuck,” you gasp, your back arching, your eyes wide.

    It feels like it goes on for a lifetime, although perhaps that’s just your mind trying to sort itself out. When you do finally start to come down from your high, you realise you’re shaking, and Roger is grinning at you. You blink at him owlishly.

    “Wh– Huh?” you breathe, your heart racing, and Roger laughs.

    “So you’re alive, then,” he teases, and leans down to kiss you.

    You grab onto him, kissing him soundly, and roll the both of you over, so you’re straddling him. You just stay like that, just making out, letting the frenzied kisses lull themselves into something slower, something calmer. Just kissing for the sake of it. Roger’s hands stroke up and down your back, and you could almost fall asleep like this.

    Speaking of falling asleep – you have to break away, hiding your yawn by tucking your face into his chest. Roger hums, and you can feel it vibrating against your body. You smile. “Sorry,” you mumble.

    “Can hardly blame you,” Roger says, his voice low. “It’s late.”

    You let yourself slump against him, a moment of pure self-indulgence, and then roll to the side, dumping yourself onto the bed. You groan, unable to stop yourself from instinctively shifting into a more comfortable position for sleeping, your arm beneath your head like a pillow, your eyes closing.

    “I’m sorry,” you say again, muffled by your arm. “I’ll leave in a minute.”

    Roger says nothing, and you feel your stomach coil in guilt. God, he wanted you to leave fifteen minutes ago, didn’t he? He was just too polite to say anything. And then you pressured him into making you come again, because you were too selfish to know when enough was enough. Great, fucking great, you’ve fucked it all up, and you’re a huge piece of shit, and you–

    “Did you want to stay the night?” Roger asks tentatively.

    Your eyes fly open, and you shift up onto your elbow. “What?” you say. “Stay?”

    Roger glances away from you. “It– It was just a suggestion,” he says. “Just an idea, I don’t know. I, um – it’s just late, and I don’t want you travelling all that way on your own. You can, obviously, if you want to, that’s up to you, I just…”

    You’re hardly even listening. You’re still struggling to drink in the first thing he said. “You want me to stay?” you ask.

    Roger looks to you, and bites his bottom lip. “If– Well, if you want to, then, um, yes, I’d like you to. But only if you want to.”

    You beam, and your heart triples in size. “Um, yes. I’d like to.”

    Roger smiles back. “Good. Great. That’s–” He clears his throat. “Did you want to have a shower?”

    “I think so,” you say with a laugh. “I’m…” You went to say I’m so disgusting right now, but you don’t want to fuck up your now-sleepover before it’s even properly begun. “Yes please.”

    “Well, you know where the bathroom is,” Roger says, nodding towards the en suite. “There’s a spare toothbrush in the drawer, if I remember correctly. I’ll get you a towel.”

    “You’re not coming into the shower with me?” you ask coyly.

    Roger blinks, and you laugh.

    “Oh,” he says. “You were joking.”

    “I wasn’t,” you say. “You just made me laugh.”

    Roger swoops down to steal a kiss, and you don’t let him leave, pushing up into him, stealing a few kisses back.

    “Let me get you a towel,” he says, and then climbs off the bed and pads out of the room.

    You bite on your finger to stop yourself from making some stupid giggle, or maybe a dumb squealing sound like a little girl. He asked you to stay the night. He wants you to stay the night.

    Oh, shit, you realise, your finger dropping from your mouth. Justine. You never told her what was happening.

    Where’s your phone? In the living room. Spitting out a curse, you pull on your underwear and Roger’s shirt again, and hurry out. You run into Roger, arms full of sheets, in the hallway. “Hey, is everything all right?” he says. “What did you forget?”

    “I never told my roommate I wasn’t coming home,” you say. “Last she heard, I was about to book an Uber.”

    Roger’s eyes go a little wider. “Shit, whoops. Yeah, go tell her.”

    You shoot him a smile, and scurry off to the living room. Your phone is on the couch, and you snatch it up. Wow, shit, it is late. You’re glad you only have an afternoon lecture tomorrow.

    Thankfully, just one message from Justine, from about half an hour ago. hey, haven’t heard from u in a while. just send me a message when u get this ok? xx

    You respond. fuck sorry, left my phone in the other room. I have SO MUCH to tell u omg, but in a nutshell uhh we ended up sleeping together, it was fucking amazing, and now he’s asked me to stay over, so ill see u at uni tomorrow maybe? if not then at home xx

    You keep your phone in hand, and head back to Roger’s room. He’s started cleaning up in the minute you were gone, stripping the bed. Fresh sheets sit on the floor. “What’s this?” you ask.

    “I’m making the bed,” Roger says simply, tugging a pillow from its case. “I’m too old to be sleeping on sheets I’ve just had sex on. Let me tell you, it makes a difference. And the sheets were due for a change, anyway.”

    You step forward. “Well, let me help.”

    “Don’t be silly, jump in the shower.”

    “Don’t tell me what to do.” You set your phone down beside his on the bedside table, and together the two of you help remake his bed.

    Roger chases you into the shower then, and says he’s going to tidy up the room a little more before he joins you. “I’m on a roll now,” he says, picking up your shoes from where you kicked them aside during the bed-making. “Can’t stop, won’t stop.”

    You take the make-up wipes. The door is about halfway open, and you can hear Roger moving around, hear when he trips over something and hisses out a curse, making you smile.

    The make-up wipe freezes in the air near your eye. You can’t very well have a shower and go to bed without taking your make-up off – it does not make even a vague semblance of a pretty picture – but this is… way more intimate than you were expecting. Why didn’t you think of this when you agreed to stay over? Roger’s going to see you without your make-up on, with your hair tied up in a bun. He’s going to see you in the morning, all bleary-eyed and disgusting. Fuck, morning breath. You have the spare clothes you brought that you can change into tomorrow, but no extra underwear. Nothing to wear tonight. It’s a miracle that Roger even has a spare toothbrush. What time does he get up for work? Will he expect you to leave before he wakes up?

    Are you a one-night-stand? Is that what this is? Are you asked to stay the night if you’re nothing but a one-night-stand, or does the fact that he asked you mean something else?

    “Is your roommate all right?” Roger asks, coming to the door, leaning against the doorjamb. “No freak-outs?”

    You lower the make-up wipe. “Um, no. It’s all fine, I think.”

    “Have you found the toothbrush?”

    “No, I haven’t checked yet.”

    Roger moves around you, pulling open the drawer and rummaging through. “Ah, here it is. Still in the packet! How good am I?”

    You smile as he presents it to you like it’s a medal of honour. “Thanks.”

    “Sorry about the make-up wipes,” Roger says. “They’re not great.” He huffs, and then leans against the edge of the sink, rubbing his hands down his face. “I’m sorry,” he says again. “I’m… I’m actually really nervous.”

    Your eyebrows shoot up. “Nervous?” you repeat. “About what?”

    “About… you staying over,” he confesses. “It’s been, I don’t know, ten years since I’ve had anyone new sleep over. My brain is suddenly filled with every annoying thing I do when I sleep. And I look awful in the mornings, let me tell you. If you think I look bad now, just you wait.”

    “Who says I think you look bad now?” you say. “I thought I made it perfectly clear that I think you’re a hot piece of ass, Roger.”

    Roger splutters, flustered, and you grin.

    “I move around a lot,” he says. “When I sleep. So be prepared to cop an elbow to the face.”

    “Don’t you worry, I’m a heavy sleeper,” you say. “And I move around, too.”

    “I run hot,” Roger adds. “I’m like a space heater. And sometimes I talk in my sleep, but only when I’m really stressed about something, like work. I can be really very clingy.”

    “I run cold,” you say with a shrug. “So clingy suits me fine.”

    Roger pauses, staring at you, like he wasn’t expecting an answer like that. Then he snaps out of it, glancing away. “Sorry,” he says for a third time.

    “Don’t apologise,” you say, shaking your head. “You don’t have to. I’m nervous, too. Like, really fucking nervous. I’m– I’m too nervous to even take my make-up off.”

    Roger’s eyes search your face. “I won’t care what you look like,” he says gently. “I’m sorry that you feel nervous about taking it off. But it won’t matter, I promise.”

    “Just wait and see,” you joke in a sing-song voice.

    Roger is silent for a few moments, and then he says, “Well, I hope you’re ready. I’m going to kiss the bloody daylight out of you when you take it off.”

    You don’t know how to respond. “You don’t have to do that.”

    “I’m going to. I’m going to do whatever it takes to make sure you don’t feel uncomfortable without make-up on. And if that means I have to keep kissing you all night as a reminder that it doesn’t matter what you look like without make-up, then that’s a sacrifice I’m willing to make.”

    You duck your head, making a disgruntled sound. Why does he have to say cute shit like that? Why must he make you suffer?

    Roger pushes the packet of make-up wipes a little closer to you, waggles his eyebrows at you, making you giggle, and then reaches across you for his toothbrush.

    You start wiping off your make-up.

    Roger waits until you’ve finished taking it off, until you’ve brushed your teeth, until you’re well and truly left without anything to do, and then he cups your face in his hands and does exactly what he promised he’d do.

    One steamy make-out session and one far-too-long shower later, you’re sitting on the newly-made bed, wrapping in a towel, the strands of hair that slipped loose from your bun sticking to your neck and temples. You’re watching Roger pull on a pair of underwear and rifle through his chest of drawers. He pulls out a huge shirt, clearly worn and well-loved, and turns to you, holding it out. “I went on a day trip once to Brighton,” he says. “We were out to a pub and I spilled red wine all over my shirt. Had to buy a new one. Sent one of my mates to get it for me and he came back with this. Hence why I have a shirt about five sizes too big for me.”

    “You didn’t have to explain,” you say with a chuckle, taking it from him.

    “I feel like I did,” Roger says. “I, um, usually use it as a sleep shirt when I travel.”

    You slip it on, and then stand up, letting your towel drop to the floor. The shirt is long enough to cover everything, but you’re not about to bend down any time soon.

    You glance over at your underwear, where they’re in a pile near the door. Should you put them back on?

    “Please don’t,” Roger blurts.

    You look to him. “Huh?”

    His face goes red. “Um. I just– I– You– I saw you look over there, and–” He rubs his hand along his jaw. “I, um…” He looks to the ceiling, and says it in a rush. “I’m sorry this sounds awful but I saw you looking over at your knickers and I don’t want you to put them on because you look really hot wearing my shirt and the thought of you wearing nothing underneath makes my brain explode.”

    “You’re one to talk,” you say, “standing in front of me in nothing but a pair of boxers like that doesn’t make my brain explode.”

    Roger’s eyes flick towards yours, and he breaks out into a smile, and then laughs. “I guess we’re even, then.”

    “We’ll be truly even when I see you wearing my clothes,” you say teasingly.

    Roger steps in close, his hands coming to your waist. “I don’t think your dress would fit properly, love.”

��   “I’ll have to come better prepared next time,” you say, and Roger hums, leaning in to give you a kiss.

    Next time. Next time. You said ‘next time’. Talk about presumptuous. Christ! What is wrong with you?

    You break away. “Not that I think there’ll be a next time,” you say quickly. No. Bad phrasing. “I don’t want to assume there’ll be a next time.” Still bad. “I don’t want you to think that I think there has to be a next time.” Even worse. “I don’t want you to feel obliged to have a next time if you don’t want there to be.” Better. Not great, but passable.

    “I want a next time,” Roger says. “If you want one.”

    “I do,” you say, God, far too eager. “I’d really like there to be a next time.”

    “Me too,” Roger says.

    You press into him for another kiss, and then, finally, the two of you make it to bed.

    Once you’re under the covers, you almost fall asleep immediately. You didn’t realise how exhausted you are. Roger reaches over and switches off the light, and then wraps an arm around your stomach, his front against your spine. You allow yourself to smile freely in the dark, even as your eyes close and you drift off to sleep.

                                                      ~~~

    “I’m… I’m going to send you the rest of the payment,” Roger says. He’s dressed for work, just in a white dress shirt and black slacks, and you’d been admiring him and enjoying the coffee he’d made you after you’d gotten out of the shower. It’s early – too early, for both of you.

    But now your stomach drops, and you lower your mug of coffee from your lips. “You are?”

    “Yes,” Roger says.

    “You don’t have to,” you say. “I said it last night, I don’t care about the money.”

    “I know,” Roger says. “But it’s still right. You started this whole thing to help pay the bills, and it’s not your fault that there was that whole mix-up. You don’t deserve to miss out on getting the money you’ve rightfully earned.”

    “You don’t deserve to fork out that much money because of that whole mix-up,” you say. “You’ve already paid half of it. And it’s– it’s quite a fair bit, Roger.”

    “I can afford to pay it,” Roger says. “I’m living more than comfortably. Giving you the money you’ve earned would just mean that I can’t, I don’t know, travel overseas this year.” He raises his eyebrows a touch. “Well, now that I might not have to be paying for three kids as well, maybe I’ll still be able to afford to go.” He shakes his head. “That’s beside the… My point is, I can afford it. And you deserve it.”

    You don’t know what to say. “Roger…”

    “Just let me,” he says earnestly. “Please. I want to.”

    You open and close your mouth a few times. God, you’d be mad to turn down the money. But it doesn’t feel right. Does it? You don’t even know what to think.

    You glance down at your mug. “All right,” you say quietly, so much so that you’re not even sure if he can hear you. But you can’t bring yourself to speak any louder. “Thank you, Roger.”

    “Hey.”

    You look up at him, and he smiles. “You can pay me back by letting me take you out to dinner.”

    Your face immediately grows hot. “Suave motherfucker,” you say, and he laughs.

    “I still have a few tricks up my sleeve,” he says playfully.

    Your stomach squeezes. “Sure,” you say. “But I’m paying.”

    Roger snorts. “Not bloody likely.”

    “I’ll fight you for the cheque, don’t think I won’t.”

    “Maybe I’ll just sneakily pay for it before you’ve even realised.”

    You narrow your eyes at him. “Can we settle on going Dutch?”

    Roger sips his coffee. “All right,” he says eventually.

    “Good.”

    He takes out his phone, holding it out to you. “Text me some time during this week,” he says. “About where you want to go. Or just text me if you want to say hi. Or call me. Y’know, whatever.”

    You tilt your head to the side as you take his phone. “That wasn’t quite as suave, I have admit.”

    Roger sighs. “Damn.”

    You laugh, and send a quick text to yourself, then slide the phone back to him.

    He seems extremely pleased, but he takes a casual drink from his coffee like he’s trying to hide it, and you can’t help but think it’s horribly cute.

    He shoots a glance at you, and sees you grinning at him, and his cheeks turn pink, and he clears his throat, turning away to the sink to rinse his mug out.

                                                      ~~~

    You’re at uni, half-asleep, shuffling back to the bus stop after your never-ending lecture, when Justine barrels into you, grabbing your elbow so tightly that you yelp. “What the fuck happened last night?” she exclaims.

    You don’t know why it hadn’t been awkward this morning. Apart from the money conversation. There had still been some nervousness, on your part anyway, but Roger had been too focused on getting ready for work to let any uncomfortable silences hang. You have to admit that it had been nice to wake up with someone’s arm around you, and you had been quietly delighted to see Roger fussing over the faint bruises on his neck, pulling up his shirt collar and adjusting his tie to try to cover them. After you’d both gotten ready for the day, he’d dropped you at the nearest bus stop. “And I will text you,” he’d said seriously. “Don’t think I won’t.”

    “Good,” you’d said. “I’ll be waiting for it. Three days is the general rule, right?”

    Roger had groaned. “Don’t make me wait three days.”

    You had chuckled. “I’m not making you do anything.” You’d hesitated, and then said, “Is it weird if I kiss you before I go?”

    Roger had taken a breath. “I… wouldn’t say so, no.”

    So you’d leant in and kissed him, and he’d kissed you back, and you’d wanted to keep kissing him, but a car had pulled up behind you and honked, so you’d drawn back, whispered, “Bye,” and gotten out of the car.

    Once you’d figured out how to get home, you’d crashed, sleeping until your alarm had woken you up again for your lecture.

    “Stuff,” you say to Justine.

    “Stuff?” Justine squawks. “Don’t give me that shit. You have to tell me literally everything, or I’m going to kill you. Come on.” She loops her arm through yours, and starts towing you towards the bus stop.

    Your phone buzzes, and you pull it out of your pocket.

    I know it hasn’t been three days, but it’s been more than three hours. Is that enough time, do you think?

    You smile, reply, I think so, yeah, then quickly pocket the phone before Justine can sneak a glance as Amazonian butterflies flutter around in your stomach.

[gobbluthbutagirl]

in case anyone wants to know how my interview went yesterday:

so basically they had me drive a half hour out there just to tell me they didn’t think i was qualified lmao. like you could’ve just told me that over the fucking phone instead of wasting my time lmao! but like even before that i was realizing i absolutely did not want this job. i was supposed to call the guy i was interviewing with when i got there and i literally had to call him 3 times before he picked up(and ofc he had no voicemail either) so like, red flag number one. then the moment i walked through the doors into the actual bakery i started having like war flashbacks to my old job and i was just like ‘oh my god i do not want to go through this again’. THEN the actual interview started and just fyi for those who have never worked in a bakery/restaurant kitchen/etc they are really fucking loud. and this man was barely speaking above a whisper. so ofc i could hardly even hear his questions. it lasted less than five minutes and at the end he told me verbatim ‘based on your resume, your experience is not enough, so we will not be moving forward with your application’ LIKE YOU’VE LITERALLY HAD MY RESUME THIS ENTIRE FUCKING TIME SO WHY’D YOU EVEN CALL ME OUT HERE GENIUS??? so i was just like, ‘well, thank you for your time’ and then i got the fuck out of there as quickly as possible.

and then here’s where the REALLY fun part comes in. i was literally less than ten minutes away from my airbnb when i got into a crash that totaled my car. my car which is still filled with boxes and boxes of stuff i was keeping in there until i move out of my airbnb and into more permanent housing. i was mostly uninjured except for a cut on my leg and some scuffed up fingers from the airbag deploying(basically i was t-boned on the passenger side so my car took the brunt of the impact) but my car was beyond repair. i still don’t know if/to what extent all the stuff i had in the back was damaged. a ceramic travel mug that was in the passenger side cupholder survived the impact but the plug part of my phone charger(which was plugged into the center console) did not. the fire department got there first, then the cops. they took down the information(but apparently the other driver and i have to actually go online and file the report ourselves due to some recent law change) then asked if i had a ride/anybody i could call to come pick me up. i was like, ‘no, i don’t, i’m from south carolina, my family is 2500 miles away, i’ve been here for 3 days and i literally know nobody.’ the cop was like, ‘well, i can either impound your car and you can come pick up your belongings and pay the fee later or you can have the tow truck guy tow your car and go with him, but either way it won’t be cheap.’ i was basically hysterical at this point and i was like ‘it doesn’t matter just do whatever’ and she was like ‘ma’am i can’t just do whatever you have to make the decision yourself.’ so i ended up calling my dad to get his opinion and the tow truck guy talked to him directly and we ended up going with that option.

so i rode to the collision center with the tow truck guy then called geico to file a claim(which according to the collision center guy was a much faster way to get a rental than using the app), then ended up being on the phone with the geico guy for about an hour. by the time it was all said and done with my phone battery was about 40%, and by the time i was in the rental car it was down to 26%. but here comes the kicker: not even ten minutes after i left the rental car place i was involved in ANOTHER collision. fortunately this time it was super minor and the police didn’t need to be called; i just exchanged information with the guy and he drove off. but i was thoroughly shaken at this point and i was like ‘i am never driving again for the rest of my life’. also my phone was down to 13% by now. so i called the rental car place and explained what happened, and they said i could either bring the car back or have it towed back. well obviously i did not want to drive that car back to the rental place(plus, as i noticed later, i had gotten a flat tire at some point before/during/after the collision) so i called the tow truck guy, who said he was towing another car but he would get there as soon as he could. my phone was at 5% during this conversation, which quickly became 1% and essentially rendered me unable to use it for fear of it dying completely and leaving me with no way to get back to my airbnb. i wound up standing there waiting for about an hour and at one point this man literally pulled his car over to the side of the road and got out so he could hand me his business card ‘in case i ever wanted to hang out’. like thanks dude good to know i’m hot i guess but can you not see that i am literally in the middle of a crisis right now? fortunately though that guy wasn’t the only one who pulled over and the other guy was actually sane and stood there waiting with me so i didn’t have to wait alone, which i really appreciated.

anyway the tow truck guy finally got there a little while later and i rode with him back to the rental place, where he tried to convince me to get another rental and i was just like ‘nope, i’m never driving again’. they wound up putting the rental on hold so i could come back and get one if i changed my mind but like. i’m not changing my mind lmao i’m not getting behind the wheel again until i’m familiar enough with the area that i don’t have to rely on google. which is most definitely going to take longer than the week that a rental car would be covered by my insurance. so i rode around and talked with the tow truck guy for a while before he eventually brought me back to my airbnb, where i proceeded to stand in the kitchen in my underwear and eat ricotta cheese straight out of the tub and then cry in the shower and in bed for at least an hour. it was like 9:30am when i left my airbnb and 8:00 in the evening when i finally made it back. i fell asleep close to 11 then woke up at 2, tried for an hour to fall back asleep then gave up, called my mom(thank god for time differences) and talked for like 90 minutes, then eventually managed to get a few more hours of sleep.

so yeah, my life basically got turned upside down yesterday. i’m out at least $550 for the rental car, and my stuff is still sitting in my totaled car at the collision center. i think i’m gonna end up renting a storage unit for it bc i don’t want myself or anyone else to have to deal with lugging my 100+ pound rock collection up and then down all the stairs at my airbnb. on the bright side my anustart vanity plate is still in perfect condition but on the downside the front bumper of my car basically fell off and is now inside my car on top of all my belongings. and i’m stuck using uber or public transportation for the foreseeable future and basically when i transition from the airbnb to wherever i end up living i’m gonna have to fly my dad out to help me move, which is gonna be another large chunk out of my savings. and all because that fucking bakery couldn’t just tell me over the phone that they didn’t think i was qualified.

[i-write-about-anything]

Abandoned Part 7

Prompt: Dean is forced to be a single father after the reader left them. Three years later she shows up out of no where. (bc there’s always fics of girls being single mothers to Dean’s kids and bc i saw this episode again and thought of it overnight lol)

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Reader

Warnings: Daddy!Dean (let’s face it, it’s a damn warning.)  

PARTS:

1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6

The roar of the impala was the only thing they both heard. Dean didn’t know what to say, he had so many things to say, so many things he wanted to ask her, but at that moment all of it was thrown out the window. (Y/N) on the other hand had been silent for too long. “I didn’t mean to hurt you, I never meant to hurt you. I was doing this to protect you.” Her eyes looked at the road, scared to see the pain in his face. “For years I thought I was never going to see you again, to see Mason again. I was alone, for four years I was alone and the moment I have a chance to get out you just push me back in.” She wasn’t going to cry; she had done that too many times the past years. 

“I was alone too.” Dean’s voice was stern, pulling into his driveway but neither of them attempted to get out. 

“No, you weren’t. You had Sam, you had Mason, Cas, Jodi. I had no one.” Her voice rose as she faced him. “I was trapped, alone, I went weeks without talking to anyone, I went weeks being tortured.” She gulped, her eyes shutting as the images of the torture she endured flashing through her mind. “I had no one.” She repeated, her voice a small whisper. 

“Why didn’t you come to me, that night, why didn’t you come to me? I could have handled it.” His voice was soft, it reminded her of how he used to be, how they used to be. “I could have handled it, you could have stayed, with me, with Mason.” Tears were already welling up, but he didn’t let them spill. 

“I wanted to, I know you would have done anything to protect me and Mason and that’s why I did what I did. You had already done so much for me, you left the hunting life for me, saved me multiple times from the supernatural. I wanted to save you for once, I wanted you to be happy, I wanted you to live the life you deserved.” Her eyes met his green ones, she missed them, she missed him. 

“I would have done anything to keep you safe, you know that. You left me with our newborn, do you know how hard that was? For years you made me believe that you left because you didn’t want this anymore, you didn’t want me.” He wiped his eyes with the back of his hand, tears slipping passed it. 

“I love you Dean; you have to believe that. Your face was the only thing that could get me to go through all the pain, I imagined how good of a father you were to our son. He’s perfect, Dean. He’s such a loving little boy and I couldn’t thank you enough for letting me see him, for letting me love him when I know I don’t have the right to, not after I left.” She looked down to her hands, her fingers fiddling with each other. 

“He asked about you, too much. I hated you so much, burned every photo of you, except this one.” His hand reached into his pocket, pulling out a photograph that his eyes fixated on for ten seconds before handing it to (y/n). She looked at it, tears forming in her eyes, she had never seen this photo. “I didn’t know I still had it, until Mason practically shoved it in my face the day you showed up.” Her eyes focused on it, the smile on both their faces, the small baby in her arms, no doubt Sam had taken this photo. Her mind spiraled to the memory, Sam chuckling as he made a joke about Dean changing diapers now. “I don’t know how long he’s had it but I presume it had been a while. If I had known about the witch, I would have done my best to get you back, you know that, right?” This was the Dean she knew, the Dean she had been in love with, he was no longer angry with her, not like he had been for the past week. 

“I know Dean.” She nodded wiping the un-spilled tears from her eyes. “But she was smart, used you against me multiple times when I didn’t comply. I wanted to die, tried to kill myself so many times but she was always on top of it all. I didn’t know what she wanted from me, I thought she was going to kill me the second I sacrificed myself for you but she used me for things I can’t-” She closed her eyes, freezing when she felt his hand on hers. “I can’t get them out of my mind.” She whispered; eyes still shut. 

“I’m sorry.” He bit his lip, the anger he once felt for her was replaced by sorrow. He was sorry, sorry that she had to endure too much shit, guilt washing over him as the hate he once had for her was completely inexcusable. “I’m so sorry.” He repeated, mostly sorry for hating her and treating her like shit. She shook her head, opening her eyes to meet his green ones. “I’m sorry.” He repeated once more, squeezing her hand. 

“I don’t want you to apologize Dean, I know how hard it must have been, I left you, you had every right to be angry.” She gave him a small smile which he didn’t return.

“I didn’t have any right to be angry, you were getting tortured and god knows what else, even when you returned, all the hatred I gave you, all the shit I put you through, I hurt you.” His hand retreated from hers.

“I hurt you too.” Her voice was soft, too soft for his liking. 

“Stop trying to make me feel better.” His fist connected with the steering wheel making her jump. “I hurt you, I put my god damn hands on you.” His eyes shifted from her to the steering wheel. “I just, when I didn’t find you that day I thought I lost you forever, Mason cried, so much the first week and I couldn’t even handle myself, my mind raced from broken to angry so fast, the thought of Mason growing up the way I did, without a mother, it only made me angrier. I’m so sorry.” His apology made his voice break as his forehead rested on the steering wheel. (Y/N) gulped, moving her hand to rest on his back, slowly easing into rubbing it up and down which made his tense shoulders relax. He had missed her, terribly, and having her here was overwhelming. She had only seen him this emotional once before, the birth of their son. Her body moved closer to his as her arms went to wrap around him, she had hesitated but she needed this, he needed this. His body shifted under her arms, his eyes on hers before his arms made his way around her too. Her head rested on his shoulder; she had only imagined this was what she was going to be met with when she escaped the witched trance. She closed her eyes before breathing in, his scent traveling though her nose as memories of him exploded in her mind, she missed him terribly. She didn’t notice when he started crying only when he started to shake, her eyes opening before she pulled away from the hug. Her hands cupped his face as he continued to cry, she had never seen him this vulnerable and she had known him a very long time. 

“Dean.” She whispered, her voice breaking. He looked at her, the tears spilling from his face, he had been so selfish, even after hearing what had happened to her he couldn’t help the anger in him which only made him feel like a complete ass now. “Dean.” She repeated, her thumbs wiping the tears on his cheeks. He had always been the tough guy, never letting anyone see the fragile boy he could be. “It’s okay.” She whispered, her thumbs wiping the never-ending tears. His lips crashed into hers taking her by surprise making her pull away, his green eyes looking at hers, silence overcoming them for a half a minute before she reattached their lips. His arms wrapped around her waist before pulling her onto of him. 

“Please don’t leave me.” He whispered in between kisses causing her heart to break, she hadn’t thought how broken he truly had been, her main focus on the small boy that resembled Dean. She pulled away, resting her forehead against his, he kept his eyes closed, scared that this had been some sick trick someone was playing on him. 

“Dean.” Her voice traveled through his ears causing his eyes to snap open. “I’m here.” She reassured him. “For as long as you’ll have me.” She offered him a small smile, which he returned this time. They stayed that way, for ten minutes, embraced in each other’s arms before they decided to move into their once shared home. She sat on the couch while he desperately tried to pick up the mess in the living room. She couldn’t help but notice the small drawing on the wall, no doubt Mason had drawn it. It was three stick figures, a smaller one with two identical ones, a family photo she presumed. 

“I’m sorry.” Dean huffed as he sat next to her, it had been the hundredth sorry to come out of his mouth. “I don’t usually have time to, pick up.” He cleared his throat, his nose still red from the shed tears in his impala. “Can I get you something to drink?” Awkwardness, it had been too long for them to just pick up where they had left off and (y/n) knew that. 

“No, thank you though.” She smiled slightly and he sighed before silence consumed them once more, her eyes wondering around the living room noticing a photo of Mason, he couldn’t have been older than one. She stood abruptly and moved towards it, taking it into her hands as she examined it, his hands up as he stood tall. 

“That’s the day he learned how to walk.” Dean’s voice startled her; he had gotten up to join her across the living room. “Sam and his pictures.” Dean huffed out a small chuckle before he heard (y/n) sniff. She hadn’t been there for any important milestone of Mason’s life which made her feel terrible. “Hey.” Dean turned to her, tears spilling from her eyes. “What’s wrong?” She shook her head, she was being stupid, she hadn’t expected to live to see them ever again yet something pulled at her heartstrings, everything Mason had done so far, he had done without her and that, was heartbreaking to her. 

“I didn’t get to see him take his first step, or hear him say his first word, eat his first food, I missed everything.” She continued to look at the photo, his smile bright. 

“Hey come on now, it isn’t your fault.” Dean sighed, hesitating before wrapping his arm around her shoulder pulling her into his side. “Besides, you haven’t missed everything. He still doesn’t know how to ride a bike, his first tooth still hasn’t come off, he hasn’t graduated kindergarten, you’re here now, that’s all that matter to him, to me.” He whispered the last part. Her eyes shifted from the photo to Dean, a small smile on his face, she hated that his eyes had been puffy from his crying. “That’s all that matters.” He repeated, reassuring her. She rested her head on his shoulder, the tears dying down as she continued to look at the photo of Mason, even then he looked exactly like Dean. She didn’t know where this was going to go and neither did, he, but one thing was for sure, they were both happy to be in each other arms once more.

____

forever tags; @bojabee @imperfect-circle @dakotapaigelove @a-gir1-has-n0-name @riverdalehoeeeeeee @sabertooth-potato @heyitscam99 @peterstarksstarker @royal-fanfic @vixengustin88

story tags; @king4thesirens @the-nonsenseblog @heythereamigodude @parksandrecmyass @alexwinchester23 @calaofnoldor @isapapertime @lizblinder @spnfamily-thewinchesters @sasbb23 @supernaturalidjitjess @spellbinding10 @joannie95 @heyyy-hey-babyyy

[croatian-nt]

Mafia au-Part six

Summary: When an unassuming artist saves a man’s life at the shooting at the gallery, he ends up in the midde of the war between two mafias and as he gets dragged deeper into the whole thing, he soon learns the line between the sides and right and wrong blur more than he expected.

Pairings: Tin/Ante, hinted

Word Count: 3709

Warnings: mentions of kidnapping, blood, death threats

Notes: Are the gaps between updates getting longer or is it just me?(they are getting longer bc I procrastinate a lot, sorry). Anyway the chapter is here and I planned on posting it a bit later today but since it’s @morska-vjestica ‘s birthday, let’s count this as her present. As always big thank you to @lovren-la-vida-luka for editing this. Anyway, enjoy :)

Tin

Tin opened his eyes and blinked a few times. His eyes still felt unusually heavy. How long did he have before his next class-

Suddenly, the events from earlier that day came crashing back to him and he jumped on his feet. He immediately stumbled, grabbing the couch he was lying on for support. 

 He glanced around the unfamiliar apartment, trying to find an exit, when suddenly:

 "You are awake."

 Tin turned to the voice, his eyes landing on Ante who was leaning on the doorway of what Tin assumed was the kitchen.

 "Not thanks to you," Tin hissed, crossing his arms over his chest.

 Ante sighed, dragging his hand over his face. Tin closed his hands into fists under his crossed arms, pushing away the urge to punch Ante in the nose and actually give him a reason to look at him like he was doing something stupid.

 "What did you expect me to do? Honestly, Šime knocking you out was a better option. The alternative was him putting a bullet through your brain."

 Tin really didn't have the time to process that. Or how many times he almost died today. Was it even still today?

 He glanced to the window, the way the sun was slowly setting. That probably meant he was out for a few hours but it was still the same day. 

 "I’m guessing the other option would have been more convenient for you."

 Ante snaps his eyes to his, and he looks almost surprised? Angry? Tin can't tell and that bothers him for some reason. He used to be able to tell how Ante was feeling just by the way he fidgeted with his hands or the ways his lips twitched at the corners. Now he is just a blank canvas Tin is trying to fill with colors he once knew.

 "How can you say that? I- of course I didn't want him to kill you!"

 Tin bit his lip, but he couldn't stop bitterness from pouring out.

 "You may not want him to kill me, but if he decided to do it, would you have even tried to stop him?"

 Silence. That was more than enough of an answer.

 Tin snorted, sitting down on a couch and letting his head fall into his hands. What was he doing? Why did it matter if Ante cared if he lived or not? He had to get a grip. There were other, more important things he should be worrying about. 

 "Who are you, really, Ante? And your friends as well? Who is Luka, if that’s even his name, that man I saved at the gallery?"

 Ante pursed his lips together, and oh, Tin knew that expression. Ante always had it when he was trying not to tell him something. 

 "I think I deserve to know something. I saved his life and got myself into all this mess because of him, I’d at least like to know who the hell he is and how you know him."

 Ante sighed again, and came closer, throwing himself in an armchair facing the couch Tin was sitting on. 

 "Luka is his name, I promise. He’s a good guy for the most part, and you did a good thing. Let's just say that you saved the life of someone of high rank in-” he paused, but realised there was no turning back. When he continued his voice was much quieter and he stared at the floor instead of at Tin. “In the mafia."

 If Tin wasn't already sitting down, he definitely would have collapsed at that. This had to be some kind of a joke, right?

 "You are joking right? These things happen in movies. Are mafias even still a thing?" Tin laughed nervously, fidgeting with his hair. "Besides, if he’s in the mafia, what kind of idiot would try to kill him? This doesn't make any sense."

 "A rival mafia. And yes, they are still a thing."

 Tin opens his mouth, then closes it. Swallows. 

 "Rival mafia?" He asks weakly.

 Ante’s interest in the pattern on the rug appeared to intensify as he avoided Tin's questioning gaze. In different circumstances, Tin might have found it funny. It was like looking at the foggy mirror. You could recognize the shapes and colors of someone, but the full picture was blurry.

 "Yes. They have been fighting over territory for years. Not in an open war, that would be stupid. Well, not until now, anyway."

 Tin took a deep breath and tried to let the information sink in. His head was still spinning a little, and he found it hard to tell whether it was a lingering effect of the chloroform or if the events of the whole day were finally catching up with him. 

 "Then why.."

 "Why did they try to kill Luka?" Ante asks, and there is an almost there smile, the one that he has when he can guess what Tin is thinking, "I don't know. All I do know is that it's definitely not good for any of us."

 Tin swallows again, fidgeting with his hands in his lap. 

 "So what happens now?"

 What happens with me? That was the real, underlying question Tin wanted to ask. He remembered the man from the hospital, the way he swiftly killed those gunmen, without thinking twice.

 Tin knew their faces, and he knew their names… when was he going to become too much of a liability, and they would decide to get rid of him? 

 "Well, you have to stay here for now. We can discuss that more when Šime gets back."

 Tin studied Ante for a moment, finally letting himself really look at him. Letting himself analyse the similarities and differences to the boy he dated in high school.

 He was maybe a bit taller, and he had more muscle. Frankly, Tin didn't want to imagine what kind of things he did to get it. But possibly the biggest difference was how cold and closed off he seemed. It was as if he was just an echo of his past self, and Tin was blindly following the sound that disappeared long ago. 

 He reminded himself to breathe in again, trying to sort his thoughts. He didn't trust Šime at all. God knows why he didn't kill him already, but Tin was pretty certain he would at one point. And as much as it pained him, he didn't think he could trust Ante, either. So that left him one option. Trying to run away. 

 He quickly glanced at Ante and then at the door. He could make it, if he did it right. Deep breath. In and out.

 If he read the situation right, and if he remembered right, there was one thing Ante had no idea how to deal with. Tin crying. Which meant that would be a good distraction.

 Tin buried his head in his hands again and sniffled, trying his best to sound like he was crying. 

 "Tin?" 

 Tin made a pained sound, curling more into himself. God, he hoped Ante didn't remember he used to be part of drama club as well.

 "It's just- it’s too much. I can't- breathe-" Tin sobbed, and he could hear Ante moving.

 He sat next to Tin, awkwardly wrapping an arm around his shoulders. Tin almost laughed when he imagined his face. He rarely cried, and Ante never knew how to deal with it when he did.

 "It's going to be okay. Nobody is going to hurt you, okay? I promise."

 That sent a pang of guilt through Tin’s stomach, and he hesitated for a moment. But then the memory of Ante just standing there and letting Šime knock him unconscious with chloroform resurfaced. The anger resurfaced and he shifted a bit in Ante's embrace. And then he kicked him between the legs. Hard. 

 Ante doubled over, swearing loudly, and Tin pushed him off, ignoring the pained sounds Ante made. He jumped off the couch, running towards the door. 

 Before he could reach the door though, Ante managed to grab his leg and pull it, and Tin crashed to the floor. 

He didn't have the chance to try and get out of the grasp because Ante was there, pinning him to the floor. 

 They were face to face and Tin could feel Ante's warm breath on his face, and the way both of their hearts beat wildly in their chests. Those ocean blue eyes threatened to swallow him in their depths, and he tried to remember he wanted to escape and not pull him closer.

 "I am starting to regret teaching you self defense," Ante said, right next to his ear and Tin suppressed a shudder. 

 He tried to wrench his wrists from Ante's grasp, but to no avail. Ante smirked and Tin let his head fall back to the floor with a quiet thud.

 "So, what now? You plan on holding me pinned to the floor until your friend comes back or what?"

 "I don't know," Ante said, gently rubbing circles into Tin's wrist with his thumb, "it depends if you will try to escape again or not."

 Tin swallowed, his heart racing at the gentle motion. The memories of Ante he was in love with collided with this new, dangerous man in front of him. As similar as he seemed at first glance, Tin couldn't forget how easily he killed a man, without a flinch or any sign of regret. It made his stomach turn. 

 "Stop it."

 Ante's hand immediately stilled at that. Tin breathed out in relief, but his heart and mind continued racing. Šime wasn't here yet, but it was only a matter of time before he came. Tin couldn't win in a physical fight against Ante and escape. So what could he do?

 Alert someone else. Alert Andrej. He would know what to do. 

 Tin purposefully relaxed into Ante's hold, instead of trying to find a way to get out of it. Ante narrowed his eyes at him.

 "I won't try to run away again if you let me make one phone call.”

 Ante snorts at that.

 "Sure, why don't I just call the police for you while we are at it?"

 "I wouldn't try to call the police. I am not that stupid,” Tin sighed, rolling his eyes, "I just want to call my roommate. If I don't come back he will freak out and he will call the police. You don't want extra attention do you?"

 That made Ante pause, and Tin counted that as a victory. The truth was, Andi probably wouldn't notice him missing for at least a day or two without Tin calling. Sometimes Tin worried how much time he spent in his room, apparently working on his assignments. Tin barely even ever saw him leave to go to his lectures, but he supposed it was none of his business.

 "You can even stay in the room while I call him. I won't say anything that could lead him to you."

 Ante studied him for a moment and Tin readily met his gaze, willing himself to stay calm. He could do this - he had to do this. If he had to choose between not dying and lying to Ante, well. He'd choose lying any day.

 "One call. You have two minutes, and I will be listening to everything you say. One wrong word and I'll send someone to get rid of your friend. Understood?"

 Tin nodded jerkily. Another reminder why he couldn't trust Ante. He knew Tin too well, his family and now Andi as well. And he could hurt them if Tin did anything wrong. 

 Tin cursed himself and his inability not to get involved. If he just let Luka get shot, he wouldn't be in this mess.

 But no- he didn't regret saving his life. As much as he hated this whole situation, Tin knew he couldn't have done anything differently. He was never one to stand aside if he could do something. 

 Ante let him go, and offered Tin a hand to help him get up. Tin very pointedly ignored it, but he didn't miss the way Ante's shoulders fell a little as he pulled his hand back. Tin pushed the feeling of guilt away, turning his head the other way. This wasn't the same Ante anymore. He was in the mafia for God’s sake, and he was actively involved in kidnapping Tin. Tin assured himself that he had nothing to feel guilty about.

 "So, can I have my phone?"

 Ante wordless reached into his bag and handed Tin the phone. He made sure their hands didn't brush, and Tin was thankful for that at least. 

 "Two minutes," Ante reminded him and Tin refused the urge to roll his eyes.

 "Yes, I think your original threat was clear enough. Can I just call him now?"

 Ante sighed, but motioned to him to go on. Tin pressed call and prayed Andi actually heard his phone, or this was all for nothing. It rang one, two, three times-

 "Hello?"

 "Oh thank God," Tin exclaimed, immediately slapping a hand over his mouth, "I mean. I am glad you answered. I wanted to tell you I won't be coming home today."

 Silence. Tin pretended not to see the suspicious stare Ante was giving him and focused on breathing instead.

 "Okay? You didn't have to call me for that, you know."

 Tin was suddenly very grateful that Ante didn't ask him to put the phone on speaker.

 "I know, I know, I just thought you'd be worried. It might be a few days before I come back, I’m not sure yet. But I wanted to ask you for a favor."

 Tin swallowed, aware that now both Ante's and Andi's attention was on him. 

 "Sure? What is it?"

 "If you could buy those cupcakes we saw in the store the other day… the ones with lots of red sprinkles on top, I'd love you forever."

 Next to him, Ante chuckled, but Tin could hear Andi take a sharp breath. Neither of them liked cupcakes, which is why they made that a sort of code to let each other know if they were in trouble. The sprinkles signaled how bad the situation was. Green meant something unpleasant, like “get me away from this terrible date”. Yellow meant something more like, “I'm lost or hurt, come pick me up”. And red… well. They both expected it to stay hypothetical. It meant they were in real danger and the police had to get involved. 

 "Sure. Where are you staying for the time being?"

 Tin glanced at Ante, biting his bottom lip. How much could he say? It was probably the best not to risk it. He didn't want Andi to get hurt.

 "Oh, just with a friend. On that note, he’s right next to me and I feel really rude right now, so I should go. Stay safe," Tin said, trying his best to sound cheerful and not terrified like he felt. 

 He pressed end call before he could hear Andi's answer. He was too scared that if he heard the worry in his tone he might break down again. 

 Before Tin could return the phone to Ante though, the door opened and Šime walked in, his eyes immediately landing on the device in Tin's hand. 

 Before Tin could blink, Šime painfully twisted his wrist until he dropped the phone and then, a moment later there was a knife under his throat. Tin felt all of his muscles locking in place, and he barely dared to breathe.

 Šime's hands were elegant, even with the numerous tattoos spanning over them. If Tin didn't know any better he would mistook his fingers for someone who played piano, or perhaps a skilled thief. But he knew how quickly his hands could move and his knife cut straight through his neck. 

 "Why did the hell he have a phone?" Šime asked, his eyes boring into Ante. 

 Tin knew better than to answer a question not directed at him. Even Ante looked careful, showing his palms, as if not to startle Šime. Or maybe so he could disarm him quicker, if given a chance.

 "I let him call his roommate, so he doesn't report him as missing. I was right here, listening to the whole conversation. He didn't say anything that could alert him, I swear."

 Šime laughed, a quick, sharp sound, before tightening his hold on Tin. 

 "You are such a fool, Rebić. Who knows what kind of code he and his friend have? He could have said anything! And you just let him," Šime hissed and Tin felt as if he was going to be sick.

 "A code? Šime, I have told you countless times, he is an artist. A college student. Why would he have a code? You aren't thinking rationally about this."

 Tin didn't notice at what point he started trembling and his breaths became jagged. He could feel the weight of Ante's worried gaze on him and the coldness of the steel of his skin, but everything was becoming one big blur.

 "Oh, I am not thinking rationally? Fine. Let's see what your little artist has to say about the whole thing. With a little encouragement."

 The knife cut into his skin- it was a brief, barely-there cut, just enough for him to draw blood. Tin gasped, his hand automatically going up to cover his throat. Šime caught it easily. but before he could even ask anything, they were interrupted. 

 "Šime. Let him go. Now," Luka said and Tin never thought he'd ever be so happy to see him again.

 He and Šime's gazes locked onto each other for a moment. Tin couldn't quite make sense of it. It didn't make sense that Luka, with his height and build, and how easily he got shot, could make Šime do anything. But something about the way he carried himself now made a cold shiver run down Tin's spine. Ante’s words from earlier echoed in his mind: he’s a good guy for the most part. Tin supposed this must be a glimpse of the lesser part. Šime let go of him suddenly, his legs gave out, and he fell to his knees.

 His hands covered his neck and came away bloody, which made his gasp for air once again. Rationally, he knew that the cut wasn't nearly deep enough for him to bleed out, but rational thoughts seemed far away and he couldn't catch them. His head was spinning more than ever and he was sure he was dying, and everything else came through a deep, thick fog.

 "Take him to the other empty room and stop the bleeding. Livi and Bruno will be here any moment. We have far bigger problems than someone reporting a college student is missing."

 There were hands on his elbows, but Tin tried to fight them- he didn't want anyone touching him. But the other person was stronger and Tin gave up, letting himself be dragged away. He was faintly aware of the door closing and someone close to him rustling through something.

 Enough time passed for his breaths to slowly return to normal, and then for his vision to stop swimming. He saw Ante rummage through a first aid kit and fish out a dressing that looked like a large band aid. Ante shuffled closer to put it on Tin's neck, but Tin caught his wrist in a bruising grip.

 "Don't. Touch. Me," Tin hissed.

 Ante wordlessly handed him the band aid and watched as Tin struggled to apply it without seeing his wound. But he didn't utter a word of complaint, and Tin was glad. He wasn't sure if he tried to touch him again if he would break down crying or break his wrist, but he was sure that he didn't want to find out. 

 "Are you alright?" 

 Tin snapped his gaze to Ante, disbelief evident on his face.

 "Am I alright?" Tin made a choked off sound, "someone just held a knife to my throat. No I absolutely am not alright! I don't feel like I’m ever going to be okay again!"

 Ante locked his jaw and stood up, starting to pace around the room.

 "You don't like this? Well, newsflash sweetheart, you should have thought about that before playing the hero for a criminal," Ante hissed, completely forgetting about trying to be patient with Tin.

 "I didn't know he was a criminal!" 

 Ante rolled his eyes, minutely pausing his pacing around the room.

 "Well then, maybe you shouldn't try to help people all the time. Especially when someone is trying to shoot them."

 "What do you want me to say? That I am sorry that I saved his life?"

 Tin paused, catching Ante's gaze, blue staring into blue. The sky and the ocean meeting during a storm. 

 "Because I’m not. I am not sorry for being a good person. If you want to question someone's life choices, you should probably start with your own."

 Ante sighed, closing his eyes for a moment. 

 "I can live with my life choices, Tin. I am not sure you will be able to do the same with the consequences of yours. Being a good person doesn't mean you will get out of this unscathed."

 Ante stopped, looking over at Tin, as if he was memorizing his face. He bit inside of his cheek and turned his head away, as if just looking at him hurt. 

 "And I don't think I will be able to tip the scale in your favor, either." He whispered, and before Tin could even begin to unpack what he meant, Ante turned on his heel and exited the room, locking it behind him. 

 Tin was left staring at the door, his tired brain trying to catch up on everything that happened. He was sure of a few things. He was kidnapped by the mafia, which was bad. He probably had no way of getting out on his own, which was worse. And lastly, the men who kept him there had no reason to leave him alive for much longer, especially since it seemed they had bigger problems already. 

 And last, but not least, if he somehow survived all of this, Andi was going to kill him. 

Taglist:

@morska-vjestica

 @hetapeep41

 @lycanrvc

@incelhugochavez

@wordpuddle 

[artificialqueens]

Not Nineteen Forever (6) (Branjie/Scyvie)- Ortega

a/n: short a/n today bc there’s very little else that needs to be said apart from as always, love yees all, i am officially on holiday so keep ur eyes out for much much more of this!!!

Summary: Brooke, Yvie and Nina are three flatmates who forged a friendship in their first year of university and picked up some other waifs and strays along the way. Now in their final year, there are feelings that need to be unravelled and confessions to be made whilst navigating drunk nights, hungover mornings, takeaways, group chats, library meetups, cafe gossiping, and the small matter of getting a degree.

Last chapter: Yvie’s 20th lazerquest visit saw her and Scarlet make amends and Brooke and Vanessa make out.

This chapter: Scarlet has finally flown too close to the sun. But maybe something good can come of it.

***

Scarlet sat on her bed, swamped with clothes, coats, shoes, clutch bags and a whole host of other accessories.

She had absolutely fucked it.

Trying to keep her breathing steady, tears stung her eyes as she looked down and read her banking app again.

£346.59.

How could it have been possible to completely piss away nearly five thousand pounds in the space of a month? Scarlet had tried to work it out, torturing herself as she pored over her bank statement again and again, but she couldn’t come up with anything new. She was a dumb idiot airhead who didn’t know how to be financially responsible, who wasn’t ready for any form of adult life.

She’d tipped out all her new purchases onto her bed in a state of panic, although what she’d been hoping to achieve she wasn’t sure. Now she was surrounded by things. They’d all brought her so much happiness in the moment but now it seemed as if they were the cause of all her problems.

Actually, no, she harshly berated herself as she let out a sob. She was the cause of all her problems. She’d lost practically all her winnings, she’d damaged things with Yvie and was only just working on getting them back to how they were, and she knew she’d isolated herself from the girls. Well, more so than usual. She knew that all of them had been told about what happened on that night out with just the four of them and even though they all acted fine with her at Yvie’s birthday, Scarlet couldn’t bear to think about what they must have thought of her. If it hadn’t been for the fact it was Yvie’s birthday she probably wouldn’t even have been invited.

Scarlet’s heart wrenched when she thought about her and Yvie, how she’d gone from realising her crush on her to being optimistic enough to think something might happen between them, to seeing it all coming crashing down and having to rebuild it. Yvie had been so sweet on her birthday and Scarlet could tell she was making an effort with her to repair things, the other girl clearly regretting how she’d behaved too. They had arranged to meet for coffee at some point today to just catch up- to hang out like they used to, without alcohol or drugs or Scarlet paying for anything. Not that that was an option any more. Sniffing, Scarlet checked her phone and her heart dropped when she saw two messages from Yvie. Frozen, she looked at the time.

Shit.

Scarlet had lost herself in her panic and anxiety-fuelled breakdown that she hadn’t noticed how long she’d been lying on her bed for. Yvie had been waiting at the coffee shop for ten minutes already and it was a twenty minute walk from Scarlet’s flat. Reading the messages, Scarlet couldn’t even bring herself to reply. Now she’d made things even worse, Yvie probably hated her again for standing her up, and she’d probably be cut out of the friendship group. As Scarlet felt the tears run down her face, she caught a glimpse of herself in the huge mirror opposite her bed. Her lashes were all stuck together, the length of the extensions rendering them spidery and ridiculous-looking. Her cheeks were blotchy and her nose was bright red, embarrassing streams of mucus covering her upper lip. She’d been crying for so long that her eyelids were swollen up. The one thing Scarlet always thought she could rely on- her appearance- was lost in the moment, and it made her feel even worse.

Closing her eyes, she threw herself back on the bed, reaching under a huge leather jacket for her teddy and holding it close. Breathing in deeply and fighting a hiccup, she wished she was home. Her family cottage in the country, her Mum and Mam and her terrier, Yorkie. That feeling of freedom and complete peace she would get when she took him for walks through endless fields and windy country roads, feeling the wind whip at her hair and the cold thrash at her skin. Being able to pick berries and take them home and make jam with them like some ridiculous fucking Enid Blyton character. Scarlet had complained endlessly about country living when she’d been at school, clamouring to move to a big city of some sort for uni. It had all definitely been a culture shock but she’d loved every minute of it, the feeling of always having something to do or somewhere to go. Now, Scarlet found herself yearning to go home, maybe just even for the weekend. Home being at the other end of the country rather than the four walls around her never got any easier. Her Mum had texted her the other day, eager for an update and missing her in a message peppered with kisses and heart emojis. Scarlet hadn’t been able to bring herself to tell her anything, giving a generic, standard response in reply.

Squeezing her eyes shut, Scarlet felt herself fall into a tear-induced drowsy nap.

She woke however many minutes later- Scarlet hadn’t known what time she’d fallen asleep nor when she’d woken up- to the heavy click of her bedroom door opening and voices outside. Startled, Scarlet heard a familiar voice muttering a thanks and was mortified to see who appeared moments later.

Of course it was Yvie, and she looked fucking beautiful. Her hair was its usual tidy untidiness of black curls and waves sticking out all over the place, her makeup was pristine as usual, but her outfit was different. It was one Scarlet hadn’t seen before hiding under Yvie’s huge knee-length parka- a short leather skater skirt with ripped tights and a black ribbed tank top with a plaid shirt tied around her middle in a tight knot. Scarlet’s stomach dropped. This was a new outfit. Yvie had made an effort for their meeting. Oh no.

So much was going on in Scarlet’s mind that she barely registered Yvie’s face. She’d assumed that she would be the picture of complete rage, appearing at Scarlet’s flat to berate her about standing her up, but the other girl looked completely horrified. Scarlet didn’t trust herself to speak and it was Yvie who opened her mouth first.

“What…has happened here?” she asked slowly, her voice level. Scarlet couldn’t pinpoint what it was but suddenly her face was crumpling again, her heart not even able to react as Yvie’s face grew more concerned and she rushed forward to join her on her bed, wrapping her arms around her in a huge hug. Scarlet hadn’t felt so safe in a long time. She felt herself gulping for air as she babbled in the other girl’s arms.

“Yvie I’m so sorry…I totally lost track of time, I was doing stuff and I didn’t see the clock…please don’t hate me, fuck, I don’t want to lose you, please-”

“Hey, hey, bitch!” Yvie said gently, pulling away and resting her hands on Scarlet’s shoulders. Scarlet found herself being anchored to Yvie’s eyes and they were so calm and deep and dark that Scarlet felt this inexplicable feeling of falling wash over her. As she stared, Yvie continued to speak. “You’re not going to lose me, you’re never going to lose me. I could never hate you. Where is all this coming from?”

Scarlet frowned. “When we all went on that night out…you said-”

“Fuck, no, Scarlet, that was a load of shit. I was drunk and I was angry and I said things I didn’t mean. I said things I did, but I said things I didn’t too. You’re always going to be my friend, no matter what happens. I love you too much to lose that.”

Scarlet felt as if it was physically impossible for her to cry more. She was exhausted, and she gave a small laugh at the ridiculousness of it all. Sighing, she blinked heavily. “I love you too."

As Yvie smiled at her and opened her arms out again for a hug, Scarlet found herself wondering if they would ever say it to each other and have it mean more than what it meant now. She wanted to believe that they would. Her heart gave a small judder as she was sure she felt Yvie press a kiss to her hair.

"What is all this shit doing here, then?” came Yvie’s voice, and Scarlet gave a sigh that her whole body seemed to feel. She couldn’t keep this all bottled up forever.

“I won on a scratchcard just under a month ago. Just after Vanjie’s birthday night. I got five thousand from it and I’ve just completely pissed it away,” she said, her voice monotone and emotionless, trying to detach herself from the situation. Yvie stroked her back in circles supportively. Scarlet heard her give a laugh.

“Shit, girl,” she said calmly, Scarlet letting out a small, humourless laugh with her. “So this is why you’ve been acting like an own-brand Paris Hilton?”

“Pretty much. I had wanted to put some of it in my savings account but I just never got round to it…I liked treating everyone. I liked treating myself, you know? I never have anything, you know how hard I’ve been finding it to get a job…I just wanted everyone to like me.”

Scarlet felt her body fall forward as Yvie pulled away from her again and frowned. “Scarlet. Everyone does like you.”

Scarlet made a face. “No but…properly like me, you know? Everyone just puts up with me because I’m your friend and if it wasn’t for you they probably wouldn’t hang out with me.”

Yvie let out a laugh and threw her head back. “Scarlet, oh my God! Nobody thinks that! Vanjie loves you, she’s always saying how sweet you are to everyone. Plastique is always so happy when you come to things. Akeria thinks you’re hilarious- in a good way! Nina values you so much-”

“Nina could find the good in Piers Morgan, Yvie, come on,” Scarlet muttered, picking at her duvet cover.

“Well she still loves you! I know that Brooke can be mean sometimes but she’s like that to us all, speaks first, thinks later. I mean look at the shit she says to Vanjie sometimes and she practically wants to fuckin’ wife the girl,” Yvie rolled her eyes, the sight making Scarlet laugh. “And Silky is…Silky’s Silky. If you’re not Vanjie or Akeria you’re always going to be the inferior friend so you might as well suck it up and deal with it.”

Scarlet gave a small laugh, shrugging in agreement. Her skin gave a tingle as Yvie reached out for her hand, linking their fingers together without hesitation.

“Scarlet. We all love you. You don’t need to buy us shit for us to be your friend. We love that you’re cheerful, we love that you’re funny, we love that you’re sweet, we love that you’re thoughtful, that you listen, that you’re beautiful-” Yvie said, faltering a little as if she’d said something she shouldn’t. “I mean, yeah. You get the point. Just promise me you won’t do any fucking cocaine any more.”

Scarlet laughed. “Fuck, no.”

Yvie smiled shyly and gave her hand a squeeze. Fuck, she was still holding it. “Good. I just know what it can do to people. And I like having you alive."

Scarlet returned her smile. She noticed they were sitting facing each other now, cross-legged with their knees touching. There wasn’t much distance between them. Looking back up at Yvie, she watched as the other girl looked away quickly as if she’d been caught.

"Uh, so…you never said why you have all these clothes out."

"Oh, right,” Scarlet looked down, embarrassed and disappointed for no apparent reason. “This is all the shit I bought. Some of it still has the tags on. I was looking for receipts but I don’t think I got very far. I was just panicking and crying. I’ve cried so much, I definitely look like shit.”

When Scarlet looked up, Yvie’s cheeks were pink and she’d pressed her lips together tightly. She was looking at Scarlet with hesitation. “You never look like shit."

"I have my moments,” Scarlet rolled her eyes, looking up to the ceiling then feeling her gaze being pulled back down as she felt Yvie reach out and take her other hand.

“No, you really don’t,” Yvie said quietly, with an intensity that shot up Scarlet’s spine. The room seemed to buzz, or maybe that was the blood roaring in Scarlet’s ears. It felt as if something was going to happen and Scarlet felt she was walking on a sheet of ice, so conscious of saying the wrong thing unless it cracked and she fell and froze.

She settled on a small smile. “You’re sweet.”

Yvie let out a breathy laugh, then looked down and then back up at Scarlet. She laughed quietly. “Fuck, what’s happening right now?”

“I don’t know,” Scarlet whispered through her own laughter, sure that Yvie could hear how loud her heart was beating.

“I really want to kiss you,” Yvie said almost inaudibly and fuck, shit, that was out in the open and Scarlet felt as if she was plummeting through the ice sheet even though nothing had gone wrong. She only left a second between Yvie’s words and her response, a hopeful but afraid little whisper in the silence of her room.

“Do it.”

Quickly, Yvie leant forward, swept a hand up to Scarlet’s cheek and met her lips with her own, Scarlet feeling herself melting into them. She felt her heart beating at the rate of a hummingbird’s wings and she was hardly able to breathe. She couldn’t believe this was happening at all and she hadn’t been the one to instigate it. Neither of them were drunk or high or on something. Fuck, Yvie liked her back.

Scarlet felt Yvie’s other hand come to rest on her knee as she pulled away, the other girl blushing more than Scarlet had ever seen her blush as long as she’d known her, and Scarlet couldn’t help but giggle. Yvie smiled back at her, the tips of her ears bright red. For a moment, neither of them spoke, Scarlet feeling simultaneously like a rabbit in the headlights and the car that was coming towards it. Yvie spoke first.

“So…that’s happened.”

Scarlet swallowed. Her mouth felt absolutely bone dry. She made a noise of agreement. Yvie let out a small, awkward laugh.

“What do we do now?”

Scarlet shrugged slowly, her face scrunching up as she was unable to tell if Yvie completely regretted everything or not. Yvie bit her lip and thought for a moment, then spoke slowly.

“Okay, I’m going to give us three options. Option one…we never talk about it again and pretend like it didn’t happen. Option two, we cut our losses and never see each other ever again. Or option three…” Yvie looked up at the ceiling and sighed. If Scarlet looked at Yvie’s wrist she could see her pulse racing. Without meeting Scarlet’s eyes, Yvie continued. “…I tell you about how I’ve fucking…liked you since I met you and how I’ve been too scared to ask you on a date for a year so we just ended up becoming friends.”

“Oh my God,” Scarlet’s mouth dropped open, complete shock drenching her. She couldn’t help but laugh, Yvie cringing and putting her head in her hands. “This is a dream. I’m dreaming, right? You’re not telling me this.”

“Fuck, Scarlet, I’m sorry-”

“Yvie, no, shut up!” Scarlet cried, pulling Yvie’s hands away from her face as she realised she’d got the wrong idea. “I’m saying that because I fucking like you as well!”

Scarlet had never seen Yvie look this level of surprised. Suddenly, a smile crept onto her face and she was laughing, complete belly-laughing with that ridiculous evil chuckle that Scarlet loved so much. Scarlet was soon joining in, lacing their fingers together and before she knew it, she had leant in and was kissing Yvie again. It felt equally as electric and terrifying and amazing the second time as it had the first.

“We could’ve been doing this for a year? Fuck, I wish I wasn’t such a fucking idiot,” Yvie hissed as she pulled away, Scarlet laughing.

“You’ve really liked me for that long?” she asked quietly, flattered and blushing.

“Well, yeah,” Yvie shrugged, embarrassed. “For someone who looks in the mirror so much you’re completely fucking oblivious to how stunning you are."

"Shut up,” Scarlet ran a hand through her hair and laughed, unable to deal with any of this. “Jesus. I only figured out I liked you like, a month ago. I don’t think you’re the idiot here.”

“Yeah, that is pretty dumb. I’m fuckin’ great.”

The two girls laughed again, still not having let go of each others’ hands. As the laughter died down, Yvie frowned and looked down.

“What is it?”

Yvie sighed. “I want to say something else but…nah, it’s fine.”

“Oh, you have to tell me now,” Scarlet rolled her eyes, Yvie making a face.

“No, it’s embarrassing! It’s going to make me seem like I’m still in school, fuck. It’s just…” Yvie paused for a long time, seemingly struggling to find the words. “Look, okay, this is what it is. I don’t want to do the whole…kiss each other sporadically, fuck each other, go on dates- no, that came out wrong, of course I want to take you on dates, of course I want to do all of that- what I mean is…I don’t want the whole uncertainty, not knowing how we feel about each other, not knowing where we are.”

Scarlet nodded once Yvie was finished. “I get that. I guess I don’t really want any of that either.”

���So what I’m basically saying is- and I know this is fucking ridiculous and feel free to say no-”

“Yvie, fucking out with it!”

Scarlet watched Yvie take a breath and hold it before she spoke. “Do you want to be my girlfriend?"

Scarlet couldn’t stop from breaking out into what she could swear was the biggest smile she’d ever had on her face. "Yes I want to be your girlfriend. So much.”

And before Yvie had a chance to smile back at her, Scarlet leant forward and pulled her into their third kiss of the day, just because she could.

From there, Yvie devised a plan of action for her. She helped Scarlet organise her clothes, punctuating the whole process with kisses. Then Yvie took her into town to take most of them back, Scarlet feeling completely weightless. Everything that had seemed to be going wrong was all a million miles away, and she was happy. When they were done, Yvie took her to a nice fancy bar in the posh part of town and ordered them two glasses of prosecco, clinking their glasses together. Scarlet laughed as Yvie made up ridiculous and increasingly cheesy things to cheers to, feeling drunk before she’d even taken a sip of the bubbles. As there was a lull in the silence, Scarlet suddenly had a thought.

“How are we going to tell the girls?”

Yvie rolled her eyes. “Oh my God, don’t. They’re going to be fucking insufferable.”

Scarlet pouted. “Aw, Yvie! They’ll be sweet!"

"No they fucking won’t, I will never hear the end of this from Brooke.”

“Vanjie is gonna be so pissed that we got together before she and Brooke did.”

Yvie narrowed her eyes. “I don’t think we did.”

Scarlet frowned. “What?”

“I don’t think we did get together before them. I think something’s happened between them already.”

Scarlet was intrigued. “How come?”

“Because,” Yvie cut herself off as she took a sip. “Do you not remember how she was at my birthday? Like she was fine all day then we had the last game and she came out acting like she’d been fucking tranquilised? Remember she walked straight into that little boy and knocked him to the ground and Nina had to run and hide because he goes to the school she’s teaching at?”

“Of course I remember that, Jesus.”

“And we were all talking when we went out for lunch and she hardly said a word and when she did talk it was like she was sleepwalking? Well, she’s been like that ever since. Totally tuned to the moon, I’ve not had a single peep out of her all week."

"How does that indicate something good, though? It sounds like something bad’s happened,” Scarlet furrowed her brow, Yvie’s eyes lighting up and leaning across the table to her in response.

“Well, that’s what I first thought too, and then I started noticing it. She is never off her damn phone. Like, markedly more than usual. And it’s not when the chat is active. Her thumbs are fucking flying across the screen and she’s smiling like the Cheshire cat. I asked her what she was smiling at the other day, you know what she told me? Twitter. Brooke doesn’t have Twitter. You do the maths, something’s happened,” Yvie grinned, taking a sip. Scarlet smiled gleefully, then pulled a face.

“Weird that she hasn’t told you, though.”

“Well yeah, I am kinda pissed about it. But I mean I guess she’ll tell us when she’s ready,” Yvie shrugged, Scarlet thinking it was the most calm response to something like that she’d ever seen Yvie give. “So how are we telling the girls?”

“Put it on the chat?”

Yvie screwed up her face. “Please. This is too good for the chat. I mean we could just tell them when we see them tonight?”

“What’s tonight?” Scarlet frowned, Yvie laughing in response.

“Girl. Did you just forget that it’s Halloween?” she chuckled. Scarlet genuinely had forgotten. She’d had so much going on in her own head.

“Fuck. I guess I did. What are we even doing?”

“Our flat was gonna host a movie night since Nina’s got placement and can’t go out. If you want you could come straight back after this,” Yvie pushed a cardboard coaster around the table with her finger and ran her tongue over her teeth. “And we could, I don’t know. Make out some more?"

Scarlet felt herself blush. It was still the most surreal of feelings. She’d liked Yvie for so long, although she hadn’t really figured it out til recently, and now she could actually kiss her and talk about how amazing in every way Scarlet though she was without having to keep it a secret. She smiled at Yvie from across the table and reached over to take her hand. "That sounds good. I like that plan. And maybe you can tell me more about this crush you’ve had on me for a year.”

Yvie burst out into a laugh, and Scarlet felt her smile hurt her cheeks. “Bitch, stop! Stop roasting me for liking you. Jesus.”

“No, but it’s just funny! Not funny ha ha, but just so cool that you must have been pining for me at the same time I was pining for you. Isn’t that crazy?” Scarlet mused, looking at Yvie with interest. Yvie chucked and squeezed her hand.

“Jeez, Scarlet, do you study philosophy at all?” she asked sarcastically, Scarlet wrenching her hand away and slapping at Yvie’s playfully. Yvie descended into giggles, Scarlet unsure if she’d ever seen the other girl smile so much and for such a sustained period of time. “Okay, okay, how about I tell you one and you tell me one? A time where we’ve…what was that word? Pined for each other."

Scarlet tried to stop the smile that spread across her face. "Okay, yeah. You start.”

“Okaay…” Yvie dragged out the word, thinking. “Um, I think I first realised I liked you at Vanjie’s birthday last year. You were wearing a red sparkly, glittery dress and your hair was all in chopstick curls and it hit me like a ton of bricks how fucking beautiful you were and I spent the whole night trying to work out how to flirt with you because at that point we were too far into the deep end as friends to even be anything else."

Scarlet felt her face hot. It was so amazing to her, the concept of somebody seeing her and falling for her, thinking she looked amazing enough to develop a crush on. Maybe she did think too deeply about all this stuff. She sipped her drink and watched as Yvie burst out laughing. "Oh, man, this was a great idea. You’re so adorable when you blush."

"Shut up,” Scarlet shook her head, her smile still not off her face. “Okay, here’s mine. I think I properly realised that I liked you, like when it really sank in, was that night we had pres at Silky’s.”

Yvie laughed. “Bitch, which one?!”

“The one recently! We were all there, we were playing the question game. And we were sat really close and I just felt my mind having these really crazy thoughts like hoping you were gonna put your arm around me and kiss me on the cheek and get with me when we were out and things like that. And when we were all silent and giggly when Silky was talking to their neighbour, I just remember wanting you to kiss me so bad."

Yvie blushed and grew all quiet. "I remember that night. I wanted to kiss you at pres too."

Something suddenly occurred to Scarlet. Her mouth fell open in surprise. "Oh my God. The question game. That question you got asked. It was me, wasn’t it? The answer."

Yvie covered her face with her hands as Scarlet howled with laughter. "Oh my GOD! I’m right, aren’t I? Have you fantasised about anyone in this room, and you said yes because it must have been me. Oh Jesus. I can’t. This is amazing."

"Hey, it wasn’t just you, okay? It was Brooke as well. Fuck, no, that came out wrong,” Yvie immediately corrected herself as Scarlet’s heart dropped. “It was back in first year, we’d like, just met. Before I realised we would work better as friends. I don’t think about her like that anymore. It would be like fucking my sister."

"Yvie, it’s fine!” Scarlet let out a laugh, although secretly relieved at having her initial fears assuaged. Back to topic, Scarlet fluttered her eyes at her flirtily. “Yvelynn Jessica Oddly, what have you been thinking about me?”

“Oh, come on, girl, as if you haven’t ever entertained the idea yourself,” Yvie raised her eyebrows as Scarlet felt her heart go fast as she remembered one day she’d been playfighting with Yvie while they were studying, Yvie defensively grabbing both of Scarlet’s wrists and pinning her against the wall. The initial shock had rendered them both speechless, until they both started laughing and the moment was forgotten- until that night, anyway, where Scarlet had let her hands drift between her legs as she thought about getting pinned down and restrained by Yvie against the bed, letting her do anything she wanted with her. Seeing Scarlet’s red face, Yvie laughed. “Exactly, bitch! Exactly!”

Dropping the conversation, the girls finished up their drinks and made their way back to Yvie’s flat. By the time they got there, it was almost time for the movie night to start anyway, Nina preparing a huge bowl of popcorn in the kitchen.

“Oh, hey, Scarlet! I didn’t know you were coming early, this is a nice surprise!” Nina smiled easily, still in her work clothes and with her council lanyard and P.E. whistle draped around her neck. Scarlet watched as Nina cast an eye down to her and Yvie’s hands which were intertwined. She and Yvie held hands all the time, but Nina didn’t know that today was slightly different. It made her want to giggle.

“Yeah, I was across your side of town anyway so I thought I’d just dump my stuff. Me and Yvie just went for a drink before we came. How was placement?” she asked politely, Nina sighed and smiled.

“Placement was another day over, leaving me with another week to go, so I’m ecstatic,” she beamed, Yvie giving a small cheer from beside her. Suddenly, all three of their phones went off in their pockets. Scarlet checked hers first, saw the group chat name and who had been added to it, and looked up at the other two girls as she burst out laughing.

“Silky, oh my God,” she cried, as she read the chat.

Very Secret Branjie Sweepstake

Silky Ganache added Akeria C Davenport.

Silky Ganache added Plastique Tiara Edwards.

Silky Ganache added Nina Kaitlyn.

Silky Ganache added Yvie Oddly.

Silky Ganache added Scarlet Envy.

Silky: RIGHT HOES ME N AKERIA WERE DISCUSSING THIS

Silky: LETS HAVE SOME FUN

Silky: EVERYONE PUTS MONEY IN AND THE PERSON WHO GETS THE DATE THESE TWO FINALLY GET WITH EACH OTHER CORRECT OR CLOSEST WINS THE POT

Plastique: this is so cruel you guys

Plastique: this is their private business

Plastique: their personal life

Plastique: i’ll take New Years’ Eve

Silky: SHOTGUN BEFORE WE GO HOME FOR CHRISTMAS, LIKE OUR CHRISTMAS NIGHT OUT

Akeria: we’re going to need a date, Ms Ganache

Silky: HNGGG DECEMBER 10TH

Akeria: i’ll take January 15th

Nina cried. “This is ridiculous. And hilarious. I can’t decide whether it’s mean or the best thing ever.”

“Definitely both,” Yvie shrugged, her fingers flying across the screen as she typed.

Yvie: i’m gonna be controversial and say i think it already happened and they’re keeping it from us

Yvie: so i’m gonna say 25th October

Silky: WHAT???? WHAT ARE U NOT TELLING US

Yvie: i just told u! i think they got with each other on my bday

Yvie: does Vanj seem off to either of u?

Akeria: No she’s been normal?

Nina: i want 25th October too

Nina: me and Yvie will split the money

Scarlet: i’ll take 25th as well

Silky: OH THIS IS SOME BULLSHIT

Plastique: no come on guys

Plastique: okay at least give us times

Yvie: 11 oclock

Scarlet: 11.30

Nina: i’m gonna say 10.45

Akeria: I can’t wait to see how this turns out

As if on cue, Brooke wandered through to the kitchen. She was dressed in a pair of figure-hugging black pyjama leggings and a huge baggy top, but her hair was expertly curled and she had a full face of makeup on that looked fresh. She had her head in her phone and was smiling.

“Hey, Brooke,” Scarlet said, casting a glance to Yvie who had raised her eyebrows. Brooke suddenly looked up.

“Oh. Hey Scarlet, I didn’t know you were already here.”

“Nice makeup,” Yvie deadpanned. Brooke’s head was back in her phone.

“Thanks. I was just practising, you know? Good to do that sometimes.”

“Your hair looks good as well,” Nina winked at Yvie and Scarlet as she took the bowl and sat down beside Brooke deliberately. Brooke typed away, turning her phone ever so slightly so that Nina couldn’t see.

“Thanks, babe. Got lunch with Plastique tomorrow and we’re going somewhere nice so I wanted to curl it for tomorrow,” Brooke said nonchalantly, as Yvie dragged Scarlet to the armchair and pulled her onto her lap. Scarlet smiled happily as Yvie squeezed her waist. Just then, the flat buzzer sounded.

“I’ll get it,” Nina jumped up from the sofa. Scarlet watched as Brooke continued to message and didn’t even notice Yvie kiss Scarlet softly. Eventually, Silky, Akeria, Plastique and Vanjie all entered, the once-quiet room now full of noise as the girls all greeted each other. Scarlet watched Vanjie and Brooke interact with interest. Brooke got up from her place on the sofa and gave Vanjie a squeeze, the other girl smiling up at her cheekily and murmuring something that caused Brooke to flush red. Brooke then hurried Vanessa over to the sofa so they could sit next to each other, Brooke throwing the blanket over both their knees and Scarlet seeing their hands lock together just before they disappeared underneath it. As the girls all settled down, Scarlet looked at Yvie excitedly, ready to put the plan they had spoken about on the walk back to Yvie’s flat into action.

“Hey, girls,” Scarlet said, making sure her voice cut through every separate conversation and that all the girls were now looking at her. “Have you noticed anything different about me and Yvie today?”

There was a small pause. Scarlet saw Vanessa looking at her curiously. Akeria rolled her eyes.

“Aw, lord Jesus. You got matching tattoos, ain’t you.”

“No,” Yvie shook her head, beckoning them closer. “It’s like quite a small thing…you’ll see it if you look a bit closer.”

At once, Silky and Akeria were up close to the armchair, narrowing their eyes and studying them both. Vanessa and Brooke were craning their necks from the sofa and Plastique and Nina hovered over them, their eyes peering and narrowed. As the others all looked with baited breath, Scarlet tried to stop smiling as she turned suddenly to Yvie, took her face in her hands and kissed her, the whole room erupting in screeches and cries and the pair of them almost bowled over by the others all piling on top of them in a hug.

“Oh my GOD! Yvie!!” Nina cried, close to actual tears. “I knew it!! I fucking knew it!”

“Yeah, well,” Yvie began, then dropped it when she realised she didn’t have anything to say. She laughed.

“Scarlet! Oh my God, BITCH, so it happened? Since when was this a thing!” Vanessa cried, a huge smile on her face.

“Since today! It just happened. Yvie kissed me, she asked me to be her girlfriend, I said yes.”

Silky, who hadn’t stopped yelling since the two of them had kissed, finally formed a nearly-coherent sentence. “But I didn’t even know you two were even…that you two even liked each other!”

“Oh come on, Silk, use your eyes,” Brooke quipped, her smile affectionate as she reached over to Yvie and squeezed her hand. “I’m happy for you, girl. I’m happy for you both."

"Thanks, bitch,” Yvie smiled, immediately getting cut off by Plastique.

“Okay, but we need details. Now! Like how and when and for how long and what and why!"

As Yvie began to tell the girls the story of their day, Scarlet sighed and melted into her side. She knew that Brooke and Vanjie didn’t think anyone was watching them, as Brooke whispered something into Vanessa’s ear and the other girl smiled flirtatiously up at her, kissing her quickly once, twice, three times.

Whatever was going on between them, Scarlet fancied her chances in the sweepstake.

[glasyasbutch]

Oh, do you want some angst this week? is that what you want? alright bud let's go!! 1, 3, 7, and 28 for whoever has the Most Interesting Answers!!

Thank you for sending this in!!! Under a read more both bc Prose Boy but also because the first question ended up becoming a short story with some themes of body horror in it so! look out!

1. What’s one experience your character had that made them very afraid?

I rolled amongst the characters I haven’t already discussed in depth later in this ask and got Roona. Lovely.

Being a person with near zero impulse control and a penchant for doing it just because someone said not to, I think at some point while barding alone on the road, she ended up in one of those small towns with a big secret that pop up in the thousands in D&D. 

One of those places where there’s a house on the outskirts of town with the windows all locked up and the front gate rusted shut, but it’s not dilapidated, and if you listen close enough there’s still voices drifting out through the cracks. And if you ask about it in the tavern, the room falls silent and no one’s gaze is meeting yours and after a tense few seconds the bartender slides you a too-full glass and tells you “You best be forgetting about that place, it won’t do you any good.”

And you want to know so badly what happened there and every answer you get is vague until the coin purse comes out, and then the hushed whispers come out too and you start to hear things about how the family that used to live there would collect all kinds of artifacts, and one day they imported something horribly cursed, and it’s probably still inside, it’s got to be, because no one’s ever been seen leaving with it, and anyone who goes to get it back walks away with blood-drained face and shut mouth. 

And so you try to sleep at night but you can’t, because you’re thinking about this fucked up house, and you’ve been to enough roadside tourist traps to know that the value’s in the show, and terror and wonder are almost the same emotion, and you’re pretty sure that this is just some long con publicity stunt that some recluse rich ass family is pulling, because rich people are fucking weird like that. And you’re not gonna call them on it, but you’d like to see for yourself, just to know if your hunch is right. 

So you sneak over there in the dark of night, and you hop the fence and press your eye to the shutters of the living room, and you curse your short legs that you don’t have the best of angles, but you’re still able to make out movement inside the place, and you can see the figures milling about in profile, but it’s hard to make out since the lights are off, which granted, is a little bit weird. 

But you squirm and shimmy and hoist yourself up by the window ledge and you’re still looking through the slats the whole time and you’re trying to see, you can almost get the right angle of your head and the moonlight to make out something of worth in the room, you just need to get a little bit higher and -

And you kick the side of the house and it reverberates much more than it has any right to, though that could just be the adrenaline pumping in your veins, but it really feels like the whole house has shaken, and the figures in the room all freeze in place, which is a bit worrying, but you don’t see them looking at you, which is almost a relief. 

But they are looking at you. The longer you sit and wait for them to go back to their business, the more you realize they’re waiting for you to leave. They can tell you’re here and you’re not supposed to be, so everything comes crashing to a halt, and they’re looking at you, so you know that you’re the disruption. 

But you didn’t realize until now that’s what they were doing, because they don’t have faces. It’s smooth skin, no sign even of eye sockets or cheek bones or nose bridges, just blank skin, like a mannequin come to life, but even with nothing there you can still feel them staring and you want to run away as fast as you can but you’re too scared too move. 

You become scared enough to move again once one of them begins to move towards the window that you’re at, and you hop the fence once more and high tail it back to the inn, hand on the hilt of your sword the whole while. And you slip back into your bed and wish you’d heeded the warnings to stay away, because even though you checked over your shoulder a thousand times to make sure they didn’t follow you, it still feels like the lack of eyes is staring right at you from the dark of every corner in your room. 

And you don’t sleep well again until you’re miles away from that town. 

3. Have they ever lost a loved one? What happened to them, and are they the same as before they lost them? 

These are d&d characters and I’m a tragedy slut so long answer short, yes, approximately half of my characters have key backstory moments revolving around the death/betrayal of a loved one.  Craving, Tov, Stella, Ezra are Supremely Emo, with Gildy and Nissy being lesser versions but still fitting the prompt.

Craving: Her entire life has been a series of deep losses that fundamentally changed the way she grew up. First person she lost was her mother, Kaissa, who died of a mysteriously incurable illness and whose public autopsy was revoked by the city for reasons no one could figure out. It broke her trust in authority, in public figures. The medical sector had refused to treat her mother and then hidden the evidence, it was as good as murder, and she figured every seat of government had as much blood on their hands.

The second to go was her father, Anvan, one of the first victims of a plague that devasted the tiefling population of their city far worse than any other race. He died before a vaccine was developed, but it wouldn’t have mattered any ways, because it was distributed in a horribly biased fashion by the producers which benefitted the human populous first. Not only did this break her trust in money, as a tool for growth and prosperity and caused her to see wealth as possessions as a tool for cruelty (which, you might ask, doesn’t she want wealth? doesn’t she steal impulsively? yes. she does it to be cruel right back at the world.) BUT it also was the moment at which she really lost her youth, because with the death of her father, she had to go into working full time.

The last to go was her brother, Sirris. He was stabbed and burned to death in a hate crime attack on their store. She went into the back room that day as a broken but loving woman, and crawled out of the ashes dragging her brother’s body behind her as a hell-bent, rage-blind servant of eye for an eye retribution. She was going to tear this world down from the inside, and she is still barely starting to learn that there are some things that don’t deserve to be crushed in the wreckage. 

Tov: He went to the Shadowfell to get some sorcery powers and when he walked back out he did a little attempted murder on his brother, who funnily enough Did Not Like It, and cast Tov out of his clan and his life, out of everything he’d ever known. Tov stood on the shores as his brother boarded the boat home alone and the second the ship was out of sight, he became a shell of a man that he’s still trying to fill back in.

Stella: Her entire community got burned to the ground and only a handful of survivors made it out, and she had to go from balance-oriented hippie kid to Literal Fucking Assassin to survive so uh. She got lost in a world where she had to become mean and cold and emotionless in order to stay living, and if she’s being honest, made it a lot easier to deal with the fact that Literally her Entire Life was irreparably gone. 

Ezra: His sister died on a quest for his God, after being promised saving by his God, and failing to be resurrected by clerics of his God. It made him stop believing in God. Like that one’s super duper straightforward.

Gildy: Not nearly as emo, but her spouse passing of old age and leaving her alone in the house made her finally realize that her life is. Hers. And that’s it. And kicked off her quest to do things that actually interest her and get into 3D art and forging and eventually a lifestyle of travel and adventure in the name of her art. She focused on herself for the first time in her life and maybe its just it being 1 am but I am a little bit soft about how that deep deep loss of a spouse was a catalyst for one of the most unabashedly happy times in this woman’s life because she finally didn’t have to care about pleasing anyone but herself! Nissy: He eloped with his girlfriend and then got dumped by her and he realized he kind of sucked shit on his own and decided to go adventuring to prove himself about it. At the time I played him he was fresh out of the breakup so he hadn’t changed much, but I feel like by the time he gets back home he will actually be much more sure of himself as a person who has value and worth and deserves a place at the table as he is, because that’s what being with Mavy had started to teach him, and after she left he was able to internalize it better bc there was no external source to pass it off onto. 

7. If your character was allowed to murder one person without any consequences, who would it be and why? 

Stella would kill Geran, the man who caught her assassinating and promised her a clean wipe of her criminal record in return for a year of SUPREMELY sketch and manipulative personal guard work. She knows she can’t do anything to him because if she fails he turns her in himself, and if she succeeds one of his lackeys does, but he’s also an absolute creep and a sleazeball and she hates his guts and the world would be better off without his freakness in it. Hey actually Rebekah this guy would make a great fourth character for Ludo. 

28. What is your character’s greatest strength?  Is it not the essence of a queer person’s D&D game that every character’s greatest strength boils down to a unfathomably deep love and devotion to whatever persons or tasks they deem worthy?