I was re-listening to the AU playlist (thankfully my headache doesn't seem to be preventing me from music tonight) and I felt the urge to ramble about stuff sooooo. Lyric highlights, a brief aside on why I might've chosen a particular song, that kind of stuff! I won't be breaking down entire songs, though.
If y'all wish to listen along as you read this... inordinately long post... Here's the link to the playlist:
“If these newly sprouted feelings resound in your heart, I can stay by your side and protect you, right?”
-
“Holding up the light I erase my hesitations
What I wanted to give you was a future
I scream out my grief, holding onto crying nights”
— Oath Sign, by LiSA
Ain't this just so fucking Shapur in Wolfsong?
“Even if I lose, even if I fail
I have no choice but to keep living
No matter how many times I fall
I have something to protect”
-
“This is the path I choose, the only path given”
— Kamado Tanjirou no Uta, by Nakagawa Nami, covered by Raon Lee
Pretty much the theme of the AU. They didn't choose this world, but they have to live in it. And protect what they can, while they're at it.
“Can you still smile even after seeing the real world?”
-
“A spiral song clears the way for one willful hope”
-
“You don't know how reckless you are
You make me blue”
-
“Whisper your name again
Then restart it right away
Oh my bitter color ardour wander
Gotta feel it undercover”
— Avid, by Mizuki and Hiroyuki Sawano
Of Ayunnen and Kashi's POVs as they're befriended by Shapur, though the final highlight was from Shapur's POV.
“The moon moves on
Death rides on
The raven flies in the evening”
-
“Long is the journey
Long are the paths to go
Long-lasting is the longing of men, if this is to be”
— Máninn Líður, by SKÁLD
Aaaaaand the massacre happens. They're dead. Grief enters the scene.
“Within this neverending rain
No longer am I afraid of yesterday
The future that had lost you
Had just begun”
-
“The cruel sky shines upon
Both what was lost
And what will never change”
— Aria, by Kalafina
The neverending rain both for the literal rain that bookended the chapter but also the metaphorical rain of grief that will follow the characters for years to come.
“You who are crying, you who are lonely
It is you who is right, it is you who is human”
-
“Dreams you want to fulfill, dreams that you can't reach
They themselves turn into dreams, into hope, and that's how people live on, right?”
-
“Thank you to the miracle
That we were able to meet
Even in a dirty and ugly world
Even like this”
— My Song, by GirlDeMo(Angel Beats) uhhh I haven't tracked down the irl singer who sang this, SORRY 😭
I chose this track primarily for Farangis. Imagine a young Farangis, struck with grief of losing her parents, ostracized by everyone else in the temple out of jealousy, and the first highlight is a reassurance that she has a right to cry, that she's human because of it.
The second highlight is more abstracted from her, more about hope in general.
The third comes right back to Farangis, she feels grateful to have met the clan and expanded her horizons, even in a shitty world like this. It's what draws Ranna/Ashaya to her, as well.
“Tears spill for the days you cannot return to
The sky above burns crimson”
-
“Here, fulfill the ancient vow
O night, break to dawn!”
-
“As if piercing a passing doubt
Nock your arrow to your bow, release it far, far away”
-
“You, don't forget
Your dream of seeing the burning end of the skies
Those fragments will surely awaken, waiting”
— Akatsuki, by Shikata Akiko, covered by Shannon
Mostly just for these lines
Ancient vows and dawn arriving, it kinda sounds like a prophecy, doesn't it?
“Where it's covered in all the colored lights
Where runaways are running the night
Impossible comes true It's taking over you”
-
“Colossal we come renegades in the ring
Where the lost get found in the crown of the circus king!”
— The Greatest Show, by The Greatest Showman Cast
Mostly for these lines about runaways and renegades lol
Also the song has immaculate Kazai vibes
And shenanigans
“Sticking it out, letting you down
Making it right”
-
“Seasons, they will change
Life will make you grow
Dreams will make you cry, cry, cry
Everything is temporary
Everything will slide
Love will never die, die, die”
-
“Some nights, I think of you
Reliving the past, wishing it'd last
Wishing and dreaming”
-
“Death can make you hard, hard, hard”
— Birds, by Imagine Dragons
The POV of those who remain.
“I met you
And had a dream that would never come true”
-
“Wanting to protect you
I reached out
And embraced you with my still trembling fingers”
-
“All we can do is keep on living
Until we lose all our strength
We'll keep shouting helplessly”
-
“The proof that I was here
Is still there, in your eyes”
-
“Crying, screaming, and even as we vanish
We are alive
We are here”
— Sprinter, by Kalafina
Themes of the story, pov of the survivors, the desire to protect, etc!
And from a people that kept being erased over and over, a declaration that they still exist.
No but really, the song is really good.
“In the silence of a world wearing a veil of misty rain
Suddenly, I saw how cold the face of truth could be”
-
“What else shall we let go
To live our lives the only way we knew
The birds are soaring in the sky
So high above us all, we who cannot fly
We dragged our wounds behind us
And kept walking on”
-
“Through the emptiest of nights, ones that freeze you to your bones
If we stay together closely, we will see the morning light
What is the reason why, we can't stop this chain of hurt
How much longer will we relive the past, the same memories?”
-
“Unlike the birds that soar the sky
We have no wings, and though we won't learn to fly
We stand above the earth now
And keep walking on”
— flowers, by Hana Hope (English version)
Almost copy-pasted the entire song here
It's a song about humanity. It makes me so damn emotional.
Keep walking on. Share the warmth. Stay close together. Hey why do we keep hurting each other?
Themes very relevant to Wolfsong.
“For what reason
Have I been engulfed by flames?
I have been captured by fear
For such a long time
Now these flames will never extinguish!”
— The Star Knows, by Hoshimi Junna (Revue Starlight anime), I don't know who the irl vocalist is
HILMES SONG.
MOST OF THE SONG IS VERY HILMES.
“Now I'm fighting this war
Since the day of the fall
I've been desperately holding on to it all
But I'm lost
I'm so damn lost”
-
“Oh I wish it was over
And I wish you were here
Still I'm hoping that somehow—”
-
“As I'm lying awake
I'm still hearing their cries”
-
“And I'm wondering why
I still fight in this life
Cause I've lost all my faith
In this damn bitter strife”
— Shot In The Dark, by Within Temptation
I know this song doesn't fit Saam's vibes but. Hear me out.
The first parts just scream of him after the siege of Ecbatana, yeah?
Though the part about losing faith reads more Kubard, tbh
“As I paint a crimson artwork on the ground
With every piercing sound another worthless soul lies dead
Until my hands are dyed a brilliant red”
-
“Destroy them all (destroy them all)
I can't stop
No, I cannot stop
This need inside of me for more destruction
Powerless, powerless
So fragile is humanity
Cause in the end (in the end)
They're nothing except useless puppets
‘What's the reason for our creation?’
Hey, I'm asking you
So what do you say?”
-
“Cause here we draw the line
And every single thing is defined (black or white)
The very moment we were given our names
Our roles have been pre-ordained
When I snap my finger
None will remain”
— Karakuri Burst, English cover lyrics by SirHamnet
Ranna/Ashaya and Hilmes duet. On hindsight Hilmes' parts need quite a bit of stretching, buuuut he is dubbed “The Prince of Justice” by the Master in canon so someone who's trying to rid Pars of “evil” could fit right in. Ashaya is lashing out, destroying everything in their path, and sees nothing worth saving in this wretched society. Hilmes is caught up on the birthright stuff (our roles have been pre-ordained) sooo. Yeah.
“Why'd you make my voice stutter?
Why do truths never matter?
Why'd you curse me with ‘You're a natural-born genius’?
Endless inferno (inferno)”
-
“If you wanted me to live
If you wanted me to forgive
If you wanted to pretend like we're civilized humans—”
-
“Why don't deaths end my torture?
Why don't anyone feel my hurt?
Why do we crown our most violent to be champions?”
— In Hell We Live Lament, by Mili
Could be Araya, could be Ashaya. Wounded by the world, questioning it.
“And besides in the mean, mean time
I'm just dreaming of tearing you apart”
-
“I just gotta get you out the cage
I'm a young lover's rage
God I need a spark to ignite”
-
“My childhood spat back out the monster that you see”
— Light Em Up (My Songs Know What You Did In The Dark), by Fall Out Boy
Kazai and Ranna/Ashaya's song. Their feral tendencies coming to the forefront!
“As long as we're together
I will believe
There's a continuation for our destiny”
-
“When we were small
We made a single precious promise
I will not give up
I will recreate it
I wanted to see you”
— Starlight, by Aijou Karen and Kagura Hikari (Revue Starlight anime)
Not gonna lie this song is on thin ice despite how much I love it.
I initially kinda wanted it to be a song for Ashaya and Alfarīd— in the case that they did meet in their younger years, but now I'm not so sure.
On second glance it oddly reads as Daryun and Narsus????
Do with that what you will.
“What will I embrace
As I discard in the shadow of desire
This ideal of mine, drenched in pain?
It feels like another world, but this is the truth
With these stained hands I will protect you”
-
“What have I lost
As my awakened heart
Betrays yesterday's justice?”
-
“Now I'll brandish my glittering dream in the darkness
So that it will shine upon our overlapping lives
With the strength I have chosen
I will reach the place I believe is paradise
The hope that is our bond
Is connecting us to the future
Let us overcome our unhealing sorrow
My full emotions, unafraid of being broken
Are simply waiting for dawn to come”
— Another Heaven, by earthmind
Shapur's song. His and Kazai's, moreso Shapur's for the lines about discarding the ideals he once had.
The song is from the perspective of a protagonist who lets go of his heroic ideals and his dream of becoming a hero, in favor of saving the woman he loves. A song from the story of a sword finally becoming human.
This is Shapur's resolve settling, having decided what it is that he wishes to protect.
“Finally breaking, so where are you now?
It's been such a long time that I've tried to live without
I'm suffocating, I need you to breathe!
So pull me up, pull me out
Before I am buried beneath!”
-
“Thought I was climbing out
But it's dragging me down
What's hidden here with me
Thought I was alone
But it pulls me deeper now
I can't escape!”
— Buried Beneath, by Red
Gurgin's song in this AU, imo. Thought he was sticking it to the society that hurt him and killed his brother by joining Team Zahhak, only to realize much later down the line (after unwillingly staying in Gorgan for a while) that... they were only dragging him down. Maybe he's calling out to his brother.
“Test my will, test my heart
Tell me how the odd's gonna stack, huh?
Y'all go hard, I go smart
How's it working out for y'all in the back, huh?
I've seen that frustration
Been crossed and told no
And I've come back, unshaken”
-
“I can't fall back, I came too far
Hold myself up and love my scars”
-
“I don't fold up and I don't bow
I don't roll over, I don't know how”
— Lost In The Echo, by Linkin Park
Mostly vibes, but I felt this captured Gurgin's kinda haughty attitude, lmao.
“An existence that was born in the city
Seeming stronger than anyone else
Now we can only imagine our cursed and doomed future”
-
“Running and falling
Embracing these wounds that won't heal
For this moment the world has been waiting for”
-
“Drowned in the weakness of my inner self
I don't even know what mask (face) I should wear now anymore
So won't you give me an answer?”
-
“I know that it may look ugly and pathetic
But this is who I am right now
A corpse that cannot become anything, so go ahead and laugh”
— Kaikai Kitan, by Eve, covered by Raon Lee
Hilmes, fresh out of the haunted-forced-redemption-temple :D
“The pain layers upon itself and becomes shackles
I have no time to be crying
The helpless night and the the disheartened morning
They keep passing over and over
And what was left of the cruelly broken hope
Was a wavering light”
-
“The justice someone's wielding hurts so much
Even if someone's crying
It will hurt my heart again
Even if there are scars behind every single truth
I have no choice but to simply—
Forgive them all”
— Untitled world, by ReoNa
Areyan/Arslan's song in the AU, after he's been rescued from Ecbatana.
“I will change reality itself
Even if the truth I find is harsh and cruel
The world is filled with disasters
Time to tame the sins, change our fate”
-
“The rocky castle is starting to shake, it's finally time to decide
Whether to repair or rebuild, a choice must be made”
— Vivid Vice, by Who-ya Extended, covered by Raon Lee
Song for a redeemed Hilmes.
“It's a scream that my body alone cannot contain”
-
“I have a heart that trembles
Only when I touch your hand”
-
“It's fine even if it's foolish
It's fine even if it's ugly
There where lies beyond righteousness
I want to hold your hand”
— Suzume, by RADWIMPS ft. Toaka
Song of a redeemed Gurgin who is in love with Isfan.
“A world where nobody hurts each other
May be a baseless optimism
But even so, I want to try betting on it”
-
“Anger and grief get passed
From person to person in the blink of an eye
They create enemies that don't even exist
And thus ignite the call to fight”
— Yakodou, by Sakamoto Maaya
The song's not particularly dedicated to any one character, really, it's more of an all-compassing song
ALL THE MENTIONS OF BELLS
Think of it as a song before the final showdown against Zahhak.
“As I carry irreparable shadows
The promised place is where flowers bloom
With no care for sin or love
There goes spring
The shining light
Is simply dazzling in the sky
Please do not forgive me
I want to be broken, I want to be reborn
I will laugh by your side”
— Haru wa Yuku, by Aimer
The ending song of the finale in a movie trilogy, this one carries a tone of finality. And the lyrics felt fitting for a Hilmes near or at the hypothetical ending of the story.
The rest of the song could be echoed for other characters, but yeah.
And that concludes most of the songs in the playlist!
Rapid-fire round for the ones I didn't cover:
Soleil: roughly has the tone of a tale being retold— a martyr who gave too much and then died— the song that inspired Araya, a mythological figure for the clan.
Lostbelt title theme: an instrumental, to set the tone for a grand story— though I initially envisioned it panning over the long-gone ancient island, where the clan was said to have originated from, the island where Araya died
Noh Chant: Kaykhusraw's betrayal, Iumaka's death
Dance of the Spirit: clan vibes, especially kinda sorta Kazai in a ceremonial setting?
Moonsong: Ayunnen's song
Parent's Feelings: the somber tone of the castle after the massacre.
girls, dance, staircase: the vibes of a quiet morning
Yuki no Hitohira: more of the somber grief.
Rain: The entire song is just so clan-coded
Wolf Blood: Isfan and Kashi, need I say more?
Crucible: Ashaya/Ranna character song
The Nights: Kazai vibes. The line “Think of me if ever you're afraid” makes me go soft.
Homeland: the castle and Shapur's lands as they grow with the clan's presence, the feeling of being home
Garden: joyful tone setter
Yakety Sax: SHENANIGANS
It's My Day: fun tune, an energetic morning
朝市にて: Ecbatana before shit goes horribly wrong
Sulcus: Areyan's brainstorming song during the siege and Lusitanian occupation
Chaotic Battle: Ashaya's battle theme
Shura Fire: Alfarīd's battle song
Spirit of the Wild: Kazai's song
Sediment: Team Zahhak vibes
Silhouette: Team Zahhak vibes
Deep Darkness: the haunted temple Hilmes gets trapped in
Hitogashima Ballad: seems to be a children's song/lullaby, the vibes fit Araya The Younger (not the mythological one, Kaykhusraw's son he killed and wiped off of history), a ghost Hilmes encounters in the haunted temple
Nijamena: I could not for the life of me find translated lyrics so it's on here for the supremely epic vibes
Fate/Apocrypha: preparing for the final showdown vibes, has a mystical air to it soooo
FGO's Grand Battle Theme: HERE COMES THE FINAL SHOWDOWN BABY
The Last of the Starks: Team Gorgan aka Shapur's family and the clan at the end of everything kinda vibes
Labyrinth: Hilmes leads a ceremony to apologize to those Kaykhusraw had betrayed and murdered, put the spirits at ease, held where the haunted temple is.
@innerchorus Since you were interested, here ya go!
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This constant noise all the time (or 'Ellie dies instead of Joel' oneshot)
Hey! First of all I just wanted to say that I'm not a writer and didn't even intend to post when I wrote this. But yesterday, someone here was talking about the possibility of Ellie dying in Joel's place, and and I said something about this little draft of mine, and two people said to me that they would read it and it would be cool if I post... And now I'm babbling, sorry. Anyway, I hope you like it. @ranna-alga thanks for the boost of courage <3 And English it's not my first language so sorry for any mistakes.
Summary: Winter arrives for the residents of Jackson, bringing a snowstorm, foreigners survivors, and darkness.
°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°°••°•°•°•°
Since a little after Ellie was gone, Joel felt heavier.
He would wake up in the morning, surrounded by the walls of his room. Or sometimes in her place, something he's been doing a lot lately. He can tell Tommy worries every time he sees him walking some nights to there instead to his own house, his little brother thinks it wouldn't bring no good. Maybe it wouldn't. But he does anyway - let the warm scent of the sheets make it's way into his nostrils 'til his body feels numb. - He would eat something. Lukewarm coffe with some old toast or bittersweet fruit. Or sometimes nothing. Some days, he would get up and go through the day. Dutties. Patrols. Plans. And some other days... Some of them he wouldn't even leave his porch. Or the inside of his house. Would be still all day, waiting for it to pass so he could close his eyes again. Sometimes, he has dreams with her. Things they did together and things he wish they did. Those are his favourite.
Another times, he would wake up in the middle of the night sweating and calling for her name in the dark. Crying and sobbing. Skull cracking noises ringing vividly in his ears. Choked throat and heart overflowing with bitterness.
It was strange, kind of.
When Sarah died, Joel closed and locked up himself like a door, becoming a heartless man that would rather spend his time killing his way to Boston and fighting with his brother than to remember any fragment of his dead daughter. But now at the dead of his second one, Joel found himself revisiting all of his memories, fragments, anything that would feel like his Ellie again. Maybe because then, Joel couldn't alow himself to be vulnerable about Sarah like that while trying to survive the first years of the outbreak. Not that he wanted to survive by that time, though. He was trying for Tommy. Now, Joel feels like he isn't quite the same. Part of it is Ellie's fault- That kid changed him in so many ways. That blinding rage that used to take control of his body doesn't make him impulsive like it used to do. Salt Lake is still his last big sin in his history. Instead of, he was letting this, his girl's ghost haunt him 'till the rest of his days.
He's not sure if remembering her stops him from putting a bullet into his brain or just kills him slowly like a cancer. Maybe both. But he can't fucking help it.
He can't help but try to remember every single freckle of her face, the way her little bony fingers would strum the guitar he gave her. He tried to remind himself of every single joke or random facts about space she read somewhere. The sound of her laugh was his prayer that he would imagine in his head everynight. Keep with him like a treasure and make sure he would never forget that sound. He couldn't forget, she deserves to be remembered.
Joel also usually thinks about the day before Ellie was gone too. He wasn't hoping to see her at the Community hall that night when Tommy invited him. He saw her almost everyday, but after their fight, there were times he would look at her and feel like he haven't seen her in ages. Like he lost too damn much. By the years, ellie got taller and her features matured with her age. She lost some of her baby fat and she was beginning to look more like the adult folks in town - even when all Joel could see when looking at her was the little girl following his steps on the road, years ago. His heart aches to think he would never see her turn into the beautiful woman she sure would have been.
Remembering about their last day in Jackson was the memory that most hurts to think about. Because of the fact that, in that day, none of them knew what would happen in the next one. She was dancing with that kid Dina by the sound of a song about God, not having an ideia that it would be her last dance, her last night, her last kiss. If she knew about that, or at least had a bad omen, would she have done diferently and opened up her feelings to that girl before It was too late? Before she would end up being burried in dirt at Jackson's cemetery?
And Snow, he recalls thinking it when they buried her. When he buried her. Small and heavy weight wrapped in a white sheet. Too limp and quiet in his arms when he found it too hard to let go-
When winter arrived for the first time after they settled in town, Ellie would always be a little more cautious about this particular season of the year. Not that she used to say to him, because she didn't. Even If he asked to. He doesn't know if It's because that would be breaking the "tough girl" persona she liked to be, or if It's for Joel's sake: Ellie knew he already felt very responsible about everything that happened after they were ambushed in Colorado, she probably wouldn't want to make him feel worse. So she used to say she was fine. But Joel knew her enough to notice her posture change and her quiet behavior; fingers always moving and the urge to spend more time at home, and not just brcause of the cold. Think about it now, gives chills down to his spine.
Poor kiddo, It's almost like the kid could sense winter smelled like her death. Bright red all over the floor. Bare limp arms as they took off her sweater 'cause they wanted to make sure she was who they thought. Metallic smell invading his senses and his scream tearing his lungs. Strong arms lift and pick up momentum one last time, the wind outside whistling as death opened the door. 'Please she's just a kid!' and 'Ellie, baby, get up' just before...
It's so hard to associate the small body, bloody and shrunken like a fetus on the floor of Baldwin mansion with the green eyed girl in his porch, stabbing his heart with daggers and saying she would enjoy to have him in her life again - even when her heart was still so broken by him. And, at the end of that night, Joel turned off the lights and went to bed, not aware that that would be the last time he spoke to his babygirl. Because her skull would be split in half by a fucking golf club in the next morning.
He wonders if she called for his name at any moment during that. Godammit, she must have been so scared and lonely, Joel knew It. Her whole body must have hurt so much, being spanked in that cold floor, she must have been in so much pain, crying and confused about why those fuckers were doing such a thing. Joel is not sure if those cowards did even brother to explain anything to her. Did she think about him once? Was waiting for him to be there sooner?
Sarah's last (and agonizing) moments of pain lasted a minute or two, and Joel was there with her all the time, holding her and looking into her eyes until any sign of life fade through them like dust. The fact that he heard Ellie's screams even though she was almost dying and too weak to open her eyes indicates that her torture began well before his intervention. And when he finally came to rescue, his body was hold against the floor five feet away from her. And he had to watch her last minutes, unable to touch her, while her body let out one last painful breath. So fragile, so gore and tragic. Like a baby deer slaughtered by a pack of hungry wolves.
And, even at death, Ellie would still be the top of his worries. He can't watch a movie he already seen before cause her reactions were still vivid in his head, neither watch a new one cause then he will wonder if she would've liked or think it's bullshit. He does plays guitar, but doesn't sing 'cause that's something he only used to do to his baby girl. Hurts to be with Jesse in patrol because he looks at that kid and reminds him so much of his own. Seeing other people was the worst part. They laughing. They living, talking, fucking doing things because she used to be one of them. Ellie would be disappointed to see him like this. Miserable, worse than when they met, a dead weight, guilty...
He feels guilty because he knows he is, in fact, guilty. Tommy says other wise, says there's nothing he could've done. You gave her a home and people like me 'nd Maria who truly cared about her. She may have been mad at you at some point and things were not fuckin' great between you two but she recognized that. So now, if you wanna say her death it's on you, go on... that ain't fine by me neither but there's nothin' I can say to handle you of that. But don't say you weren't good to her because we both know it ain't true. Ellie died, Joel. But she had the best years of her life. Accept that, brother.
But Tommy doesn't get it. He only saw these last couple of years, but he hasn't seen all of it. Not they journey, not their start. He never failed anyone.
Joel was her protector during years, he was her guardian, he always had some kind of sixth sense whenever became to that kid, in the road or not. He should've know. He should've done something, somehow prevented that from happening to her. It was him in the first place, those people were there for his sins. Not hers, she didn't have any.
'I will never leave you alone again' was the exact same words he said that day, cupping Ellie's cheeks when that building was almost falling in their heads by the flames. But he did, he did left her. Cold, broken, gone. It was stupid from him to think he wouldn't fail with this kid when he already failed with another one before, and even more cruel to make a little girl believe in a promise he wouldn't keep. She saved him on that winter with all her strength, but he didn't save her in this Winter. If the memories of the girl is not a Cancer to his heart, this thought may be.
Spreading on him like a fungus.
Joel have never been a very religious man, but he likes to think that If there's really a place reserved for good-hearted souls worthy of eternal rest, Ellie is there. Maybe exploring bright sacred places or good memories. Probably even finally being able to meet another girl that both have knowledge of a person in common. Joel is not very sure that he would Join them someday, though. Even If he would like to think about it if he had time. Pretend. Like it isn't impossible.
Because sure as hell would be once he find out the lair of the hungry wolves. Salt Lake City was big sin, but It wasn't his last. Joel was going to make sure It wasn't.
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Iit's not perfect but I think it turned out pretty good as a person who doesn't really have writing skills... Right?🙈 Please share and don't forget to say what do you think about it. @elliespuns Come see this before I regret.
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