#thanks benjamin i’m crying

[jacksgrealish]

🥺🥺🥺

[secretaccountlol]

KISS ME THRU THE PHONE

does anyone even remember that song???

Anyways…

Dom! Reader x Peter Parker

18+ no minors thank you!

Summary: you caught Pete masturbating to you and you decide to have a little fun with the moment.

CW TIME!!!: Phone sex, Non-con masturbating? (Obviously you caught him so you didn’t know), mutual masturbation, sex toys, body fluids~.

Oh and typos, probably.

Tag list omg!: @tiredbuthappy

Sparker 🕷🕸

Sparker: Hey!

You: Hey!!!

Sparker: Ready to eat popcorn and gossip on ft?

You: Hell yeah

Incoming from Sparker 🕷🕸

Your smile beams as Parker’s face illuminates yours, his face mirrors your expressions.

“Hellllooo nurse!” Peter’s eyes crinkle as you dramatically cringe, still smiling. “Excuse me, do not tarnish Yakko's household name, Peter Parker!” Your voice is filled with fake outrage earning a hearty laugh from Peter.

“If you used my middle name I'd definitely think I was in trouble.” Peter’s smile could make a crying baby smile aka it made your heart swell.

“Soooo, whatcha wanna gossip about?” you bite your lip as you check him out, his black fitted t-shirt clung to his muscles deliciously, his brown hair effortlessly styled, you could tell his room was a mess like always even though you couldn't see it. His back was against his bed frame, his phone was tilted to only show his torso.

You're laying down on your tummy, your legs kicked up, your phone propped up on a pillow in front of you as you hugged another pillow to rest your chin on, You were in your usual cozy jacket, no bra or no pants attire, of course, Peter couldn't see that.

“Mm whatever you wanna talk about, honestly, I just wanted to hear your voice” Peter’s laugh vibrated through your ears.

“Oh-! Uhm okay well.” your feet kicked as you gossiped about your day, what you ate, etc etc. You loved this weekly ritual you and Pete did, you never understood why he wanted to face time with you, considering he always seems so busy, and most of the time he didn't talk, just nodded along occasionally knitting his eyebrows in understanding or worked on homework as you rambled, you just chalked it up to him not knowing what to say most of the time.

“Mm, that’s about it!” You clapped, Peter had long ago turned off his cam, but you could hear a small groan and shuffle before Peter spoke, “H-hm? But you didn't even finish the part bout your neighbor, remember?” his voice was strained like he was holding back a yawn, you frown.

“Well, I wanted to give you a chance to speak for a chance, cus you never do” you hummed.

“That's cus I like hearing you speak..” his voice was low like a whisper, it made you shiver.

“Why?” you whispered back.

You hear a strangled groan, “P-please..j-just keep talking..!”

“Peter? Are you okay?” your voice raised a bit higher,

“I-i’m fine, just.. Keep talkin’ to me..” his voice falters as your concern rises.

“I'm not gonna talk anymore until you turn on your camera!” your voice cracked as shouted, well kinda shouted you didn't want your roommates to hear you.

“Fine! Okay, jeez!” you can make out him scrambling before seeing his face flush, eyes wide, so slightly panting, nevertheless he tried to appear normal, your eyebrow quirked.

“See? ‘Mm fine!” his voice masked something but you couldn't tell what, your face stayed skeptical. “Peter, what's going on? Tell me right now!” you slam your hands down on your bed, and Peter rolls his eyes.

“Nothin', you're being outlandish.” your nostrils flare at his comment, “Oh no, what we're not gonna do is gaslight me, Peter Benjamin Parker!” you see Peter wince, his puppy dog eyes flood your screen.

“Okay, you're right, that was mean..I'm sorry.” Peter scratched the back of his neck. “I-.. I was doing something but I'm fine, I promise.” Peter couldn't meet your eyes but his explanation still eased your worry.

“What were you doing?” your head cocked to the side, like a cat. “I-..I can't tell you.” Peter muttered, it was so soft you couldn't help but get hot.

“Peter, can you tell me anything you know that..” you tried to copy his tone, “You’d-... I feel like you'd despise me if I did ..” you smile gently, he can be so cute sometimes.

“Peter. I promise, just- just tell me, please?” You wish you could caress his soft face as you whisper comfort. Something about Peter made him feel so fragile sometimes.

“Ok- I-” he coughed. “I-i was..uhm.. Jerkin’..it?” his voice cracked as you tried to put the pieces together

“Jerkin? What? What's that-?”

“Y’know..!!”

“I do not know..”

“I-i was y’know..Jerkin the chicken!”

“Jerk chicken?”

“Oh my God, no- I was… I was masturbating!”

“Oh..” your face burns as your eyes widen, your face half buried in your pillow. “I- why..?”

“I- uhm...well, I was doing it, t-to you..” you bite your lip as your legs rubbed together, he was masturbating to you? God, you could explode right now.

“Why me?” you feigned innocence as your smirk grew under your pillow, you were starting to enjoy this.

“I..ilikeyourvoice!! Andidunnoivedoneitafewtimesnowandithoughtyoudwouldntnotice!! And-! And-! “ You could barely make out the words he spoke, were they even words? Your laugh stopped his rambling.

“You are.. So cute Pete.” Peter's eyes finally met your half-lidded ones.

“Peter.”

“Y-yeah?”

“Show me.”

“Show you-.. Show you what?”

“You know what, Pete.”

“I-.. Are you sure?”

“Mmhm, I think you owe it to me considering you were getting off with me without permission.”

Peter’s cheeks were dusted with pink, you could see his adam's apple move before he proceeded to do what he was told.

“Wanna see your face in the camera still, Pete.” you could see him freeze before nodding quietly as he continued his actions. His cock was fairly big, bigger than what you thought it would be,

You could see Peter’s face is bright red by now, his hand covering his mouth as he looks away. “Are you-.. done looking yet? This is embarrassing.”

“Why are you embarrassed?” Of course, you knew why, but Peter is just too cute not to tease.

“I- you know why! God. Don’t tease me right now!”

“Hey, Pete.” You finally lift up, your head now in a new position leaning on your hands.

“Y-yea?”

“Did you cum?” he blinks a few times before chewing on his lip.

“N-no..”

“Aww, well baby you shouldn't give yourself blue balls on my account.”

“I- wha-?”

“Finish what you started, Peter.”

Peter’s eyes practically pop out as his cock twitches, he brings his phone closer to his face again, looking around the room nervously before looking back at you.

“I- you..”

“You.. Me?” you mock him. “What? Do you need some more material? Greedy boy.”

“I- no I wasn..-!”

You raise yourself, you smirk as you see peters eyebrows raise before slowly unzipping your jacket, your bare tits on display, Peter’s eyes are glued on you as you twist one of your nipples giving him a teasing wink.

“Whatcha think? Hm? Enough for you?” you taunt him leaning your head as your hands trail down your stomach and back.

“Fuck.. You're-..sososo hot” you watch as he palms his cock, you chuckle at Pete’s loss for words. “Shirt off, now.” Peter nods, yanking his shirt at the speed of light, you laugh at his eariness.

“Mm, stroke yourself for me, Pete.” Peter obliges your order once more, his eyes never leaving your chest. You grope yourself, sticking your tongue out.

“Hey Petey, wanna see even more?” Peter nods rapidly, “Mmhn, if you do you gotta open that mouth and ask pretty boy.” you quickly zip up your jacket as you hear Peter whine.

“Pleasepleaseplease! I’ll do anything, please!”

“Anything?”

“Anything.”

Your Cheshire grin grows as you unzip your jacket once more.

“Say you need me.”

“I need you, god. I need you sososo bad.”

“Good boy.”

You can see Peter get even harder as you shimmed your panties off, you feel hot, and a bit embarrassed as your smile fades. You spread yourself out with two fingers, looking away, slightly clearing your throat.

“Fuck, I wish I was there to eat you out, this is torture, y’know?”

Your eyes meet his as he gives you a genuine smile, you return the favor as you gain your confidence back.

“How bout I torture you some more?” Your hands slide down, you moan as you circle your clit, tilting your head up in pleasure. You'd masturbated before, but having someone watch you, having Peter watching you, turned you on even more.

“Peter-..mmhn, please I need more.” you flirt, could hear Peter’s breath hitch as you spoke, “If you keep talking like that I'll bust right now” you chuckle at his comment.

“Want me to see my ride my dildo and pretend it's your dick?”

“God yes.”

You lean down to kiss the phone screen, making Peter laugh before producing a dildo.

“Ta-da!” you laugh as you position the dildo below you,

“Ready?”

“Born ready.”

You bust out laughing, “Oh my god Peter we're having phone sex not saving the world!”

“A-ah right, pfft”

You smile, rubbing your pussy up and down the dildo, covering it with your slick. You hear Peter groan, “Please baby put it in, I can’t wait anymore-“

“Your wish is my command.” You moan as you lower yourself on your dildo until it disappears into, “Mm, you fill me so well, Pete.” You hear Peter whimper as you start bouncing up and down,

“Fuckfuckfuck you’re so hot.. I’m gonna cum already..!” you smirk seeing his eyebrows knit in pleasure, “Don't you dare, Peter. ``You moan as you speed up your strokes, Peter whines as you start rubbing your clit again. “I-I’m so close! Mm..” Peter’s voice cracks as you watch his eyes close, “Eyes on me, Parker” you pant as you watch him struggle to keep it together. “You’ll cum when I say you can!” You pinch your nipples as the tension builds up In your stomach.

“Please! Let me cum, I-I can’t hold it anymore.. F-feels ..Mm too good!” Peter’s voice falters as you watch his head tilt back.

“I’m close t-too, let’s cum together, okay?” Peter moans in response, “I w-wanna h-hear you say it, Pete!” You hiss out through clenched teeth, “I-I’ll c-cum with you!” Peter’s head tilted forward, jaw clenched his eyes low as he looked at you.

“I’m…!” You rubbed yourself furious as you grind down on the fake cock. You hear Peter gasp for air as white lines shoot from his cock all over his hands, you both stay silent catching your breath.

“T-that was…veryveryveryvery hot” Peter breathed out, you giggle, “You said that already, Pete!”

“Yeah but it’s true!” His voice cracked, making you laugh again, you watch his face turn red. “I-I guess I should clean up..?” You nod, slowly easing yourself off your dildo, whimpering.

“God.. You’re- don’t do that, I’ll pop a boner again.” Peter’s voice quivered, you smirk, bending now to lick your dildo. “Wanna go for round two, Parker?”

“You’re a demon”

“I think the correct term is succubus, you're like super smart shouldn't you know that?”

“You’re- fuckkk..“

“Plus, if you’re not busy..you can maybe..come over?” Your fingers traced circles in your bed sheets, “We can finish..in person?” You look back at your phone, to see Peter trying to hop into his spidey suit as quickly as possible, before grabbing the phone.

“I’ll be over in 10 mins.”

[muzansfangs]

My dear readers, welcome to the “𝐓𝐰𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐲-𝐟𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐬𝐨𝐧𝐠𝐬” event. Since on August 29th I’m turning twenty-four, I have decided to host this small event.

• How does it work? Being a busy person and having my requests closed, I have already set up everything. I therefore hope you will just enjoy the works that are going to be part of this collection and let me know if you are satisfied with them.

• What does the event consist in? This post will work as a real Masterlist for the twenty-four one-shots I’m going to post. I’ve chosen twenty-four male characters from Demon Slayer and Bleach, pairing each and every one of them with a line of a song I have chosen.

• Are there any other infos you should be aware of? The works will all be written in the perspective of a female reader. The contents of the works can be smut, fluff or angst and, sometimes, the various generes will be combined. I will make sure to add all the details concerning the warnings about the triggering themes in every single post.

• Anything else? This is the complete list of the works I will gradually update. There is not a specific order, but I will add the links of the one-shots whenever I get to post one of them! Thanks for the attention, your perfectionist admin.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

𝐌𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭.

• 505 — Gin Ichimaru x f!reader (ANGST + NSFW)

“In my imagination you’re waiting laying on your side, with your hands between your thighs”, Arctic Monkeys.

• BABYDOLL — Douma x f!reader (NSFW)

“When I meet your eyes, the devil, he wins”, Ari Abdul.

• IF I KILLED SOMEONE FOR YOU — Aizen Sosuke x f!reader (NSFW + ANGST)

“Would you love me more, if I killed someone for you?”, Alec Benjamin

• HEART LIKE YOURS — Sanemi Shinazugawa x f!reader (FLUFF)

“How could a heart like yours ever love a heart like mine?”, Willamette Stone

• ATLANTIS — Urahara Kisuke x f!reader (ANGST)

“ ‘Cause in my heart and in my head, I'll never take back the things I said”, Seafret

• UNTIL I FOUND YOU — Rengoku Kyojuro x f!reader (FLUFF)

“I was lost within the darkness but then I found her, I found you”, Stephen Sanchez

• FRIENDS — Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez x f!reader (NSFW)

“Tell me we’re not just friends, this doesn’t make much sense, no”, Chase Atlantic

• SWEATER WEATHER — Renji Abarai x f!reader (FLUFF + ANGST)

“ ‘Cause it’s too cold for you here and now, so let me hold both your hands in the holes of my sweater”, The Neighbourhood

• BLUE JEANS — Muzan Kibutsuji x f!reader (NSFW)

“You were sorta punk rock, I grew up on hip hop, but you fit me better than my favorite sweater”, Lana del Rey

• DAYLIGHT — Byakuya Kuchiki x f!reader (FLUFF + NSFW)

“Oh, I love it and I hate it at the same time. You and I drink the poison from the same vine”, David Kushner

• CARDIGAN — Tomioka Giyuu x f!reader (FLUFF)

“And when I felt like I was an old cardigan under someone's bed, you put me on and said I was your favorite”, Taylor Swift

• FUCK YOU IN MY HEAD — Shunsui Kyoraku x f!reader (NSFW)

“I got dirty wishes on my mind, but you will never ever know that I, I like to fuck you in my head”, Cloudy June

• BACK TO BLACK — Obanai x f!reader (ANGST + NSFW)

“We only said goodbye with words, I died a hundred times. You go back to her and I go back to, I go back to us”, Amy Winehouse

• WHERE’S MY LOVE — Ulquiorra Cifer x f!reader (ANGST)

“Ooh, does she know that we bleed the same? Ooh, don’t wanna cry but I break that way”, SYML

• ALL OF ME — Kokushibo x f!reader (FLUFF + NSFW)

“Cards on the table, we're both showing hearts, risking it all, though it's hard”, John Legend

• KISS ME — Haschwalth Jugram x f!reader (FLUFF + NSFW)

“And your heart’s against my chest, your lips pressed to my neck, I’m falling for your eyes but they don’t know me yet”, Ed Sheeran

• WHEN THE DARKNESS COMES — Shinjuro Rengoku x f!reader (FLUFF)

“When you're feeling lost I'll leave my love hidden in the sun, for when the darkness comes”, Colbie Caillat

• SAY SOMETHING — Ukitake Jushiro x f!reader (ANGST)

“And I will swallow my pride, you're the one that I love and I'm saying goodbye”, A Great Big World

• CAN’T HELP FALLING IN LOVE — Akaza x f!reader (FLUFF)

“Shall I stay? Would it be a sin, if I can't help falling in love with you?”, Elvis Presley

• SHADOW PREACHERS — Zaraki Kenpachi x f!reader (NSFW)

“You make me wanna love, hate, cry, take, every part of you. You make me wanna scream, burn, touch, learn, every part of you”, Zella Day

• HUNGER — Yoriichi Tsugikuni x f!reader (FLUFF)

“Oh, love, let me see inside your heart, all the cracks and broken parts, the shadows in the light. There's no need to hide”, Ross Copperman

• ENJOY THE SILENCE — Shinji Hirako x f!reader (NSFW)

“All I ever wanted, all I ever needed is here in my arms. Words are very unnecessary, they can only do harm”, Depeche Mode

• BREAK MY HEART MYSELF — Uzui Tengen x f!reader (ANGST + NSFW)

“I don't need your help getting off of this carousel. I don't need anybody else, 'cause I can break my heart myself”, Bebe Rexha

• VILLAIN — Shuhei Hisagi x f!reader (NSFW)

“I'll be the villain tonight. I kinda like when you despise me after we fight”, Bella Poarch

[sarahsmi13s]

Duckie

Chapter 5

pairing: bradley ‘rooster’ bradshaw x twin sister!reader; (eventual) jake ‘hangman’ seresin x bradshaw!reader

characters: y/n bradshaw, nick bradshaw, bradley bradshaw, penny benjamin, amelia benjamin, tom kazansky, sarah kanzasky, ron kerner, henry ruth, rick neven, kendall adams

word count: ~2.9k

warnings: fluffy, angsty, being a single mom, crying, grief, letting go of grief, fear of forgetting, canon character deaths, i believe that’s it

a/n: i’m sorry.... and i’m going to be entirely honest with you guys, i don’t know when the angst will end

series summary: daughter of goose and carole and twin sister to bradley ‘rooster’ bradshaw, y/n bradshaw also got her papers pulled when she tried to enlist in the Navy. which turned out to not be as bad as she thought.

chapter summary: lil nick is now one! but it brings a lot of the feelings to the surface for duckie.

ch. 1  ch. 2  ch. 3  ch. 4  ch. 6

********** (23 and 1)

It was Nick's first birthday party.

His birthday had actually been Monday, but you couldn't put together a party on a weekday. So instead you planned it to be on the Saturday afterwards.

After getting Nick dressed in a pair of jeans, a t-shirt, along with a pair of little boots, you got dressed yourself. Penny had gotten you a shirt that said 'boy mom', so you put that on along with a pair of leggings and sneakers.

You pick up Nick and walk out to your car. "Alright, Nicky boy, let's go see everyone. Are you excited?" Nick clapped and made noises of excitement. You smiled and kissed the top of his head, "Good, me too."

The drive to the Hard Deck wasn't long, and when you got there, you were a little surprised at the turn out.

The parking lot had a good amount of cars in it; some you recognized, others you didn't. Like Penny's car, the Kazansky's, and a few others but that was it.

You got Nick out of his carseat and went inside. "Come on, bubba."

When you walked in, everyone turned to greet you.

After you made some quick small talk with a promise to catch up later, Ice came up to you and took Nick from you. "Hi birthday boy." He placed a kiss on his cheek before kissing your temple, "Hi, honey." "Hey Uncle Ice."

You looked around seeing all the decorations.

There were black, yellow, and white balloons, some of the white ones had smiley faces on them. The table cloths were black, the plates were yellow smiley faces, and the cups were white. Two walls had been designated for photos; one said 'one happy dude' and the other just had a smiley face.

"Guys, this is so cute. Thank you for doing this." Penny smiled, bouncing a two year old Amelia on her hip, "Of course, Sweetheart. Do you wanna see the cake?" Amelia looked at her mom, "Cake?" "Yes cake, Ames." "Wan' cake." "And you'll get cake, you just have to wait okay?" "Otay." Penny passed Amelia to Sarah and took you back to the kitchen.

When you got in there, someone was leaning on the counter.

It took you .05 seconds to recognize him. "Bradley!" You ran to him and hugged him tightly. 

"Hey, Duck," he hugged you back, picking you up a little bit. "Where's my nephew?" You pointed to the door, "Ice has him." He smiled and pecked your temple, "I need to go see the birthday boy."

Penny walked to the fridge and pulled out a yellow smash cake. “We decided to keep it simple. I hope that’s okay.” You nodded, “It’s perfect. Simple is really good, considering that kid destroys everything. I’d hate for a lot of work to go into a cake just for it to get ruined.”

She pulled out another cake, this one rectangular with smiley faces, “This one is for the guests. And I made some lemon cookies.” You hugged her, sighing a little, “Thank you, Penny. Really, thank you.” She tightened the hug, “Of course.”

Bradley reappeared in the kitchen, “Hey, there are some people here you need to come see.” Your brow pinched together, you had already seen everyone, “Who?” His smile widened, “Just come see.”

You casted a confused glance at Penny who just shrugged.

You followed Bradley out and over towards where Ice was. He was surrounded by other men his age and they were all just talking as Nick played with a toy.

When he noticed you, Nick made a little grunt noise and held his arms out for you. But you weren’t close enough. So, when you took too long to get to him, he made another noise of displeasure and this time he caught Ice’s attention.

“Hey, what’s wrong little man?” Another grunt and he dropped the toy. “What do you-” Ice turned his head to see you, “Oh, I see what you need.” You got there and Ice passed Nick to you. “You just saw your mama.”

One of the men in the group spoke up, “Duckie?”

You looked up at him, bouncing Nick and pulling his little hand away from your necklace. “That’s me.” By the time the words left your mouth, you recognized him. “Slider?” “The one and only. Wolfman and Hollywood are here too.” They both smiled at you.

“Wow, it’s been a while,” you gave them side hugs. “I’ll say. The last time we saw you and Bradley, it was your 16th birthday,” Wolfman said as he squeezed your shoulder. “Now you’re a college grad with a one year old and Bradley’s a pilot,” Slider said, wrapping his arm around Bradley’s neck to give him a noogie.

Bradley laughed and shoved the tall man away, “Alright, alright. Watch the hair, watch the hair.”

Wolfman crossed his arms, “You know, I’m surprised you-” He stopped talking when he saw Ice shaking his head behind you and Bradley. Bradley raised a brow, “Surprised I what, Wolf?” “That-that uh, you grew a mustache! I mean you tried once in high school but you shaved it when your girlfriend said it looked bad. But I mean look at it now, it looks so natural and you look a lot like your dad.”

Your brother nodded, “Thanks Wolf.”

You and Bradley walked away to mingle with other guests. And Ice looked at the three in front of him.

He gestured with his finger, “You guys can’t say anything.” “What do you mean, Ice?” Hollywood asked. “I mean-” Ice glanced around before stepping closer and lowering his voice. 

“I mean, they don’t know Carole never wanted them in the air.” Slider’s brows pinched in confusion, “They don’t know? Then why isn’t Y/N a pilot?” “Maverick pulled their applications to the Academy.” “Why would Maverick do that?”

Ice put his hands on his hips, “Because Carole asked him too and he wasn’t sure they were ready for it…” “And they don’t know that’s the reason?” “No, and it’s not our job to tell them. So zip it!”

****

After talking more with your guests and opening gifts, it was time for cake.

You grabbed a microphone and addressed everyone. “Hey, everyone! Hi. Before Nick destroys this cake, I just want to thank all of you for coming out. I know Nicky is just loving the attention, so without further ado, let’s have some cake!”

Bradley set the cake in front of your son and Nick’s eyes went wide and you could see amusement flicker in them. He clapped his hands and giggled. You pass the mic to Penny and walk over to your son’s high chair. “Okay, bubba, dig in.” Nick grinned and immediately started to plunge his tiny fists into the dessert.  

Everyone cheered as the cake and frosting smeared on the tray and on Nick’s face.

You laughed as you watched your son draw in the frosting with his fingers. You smiled and messed with the blond hair on top of his head, “I’m so glad I changed your shirt.”

He turned to you and grinned, cooing as if he understood you. He held out a tiny fistful of cake towards you. “Is that cake good buddy?” He cooed again and waved his fist. You got a little closer and Nick pushed the cake against your lips.

Everyone laughed and you pulled back surprised. You laughed and licked the icing off your lips. You smiled and kissed his cheek, “Thank you Nicky.” He laughed and clapped his hands before taking another fistful and pushing it into Bradley’s mustache.

“Okay everyone, who’s ready for cake?” Penny announced as she started to cut the guests' cake. Everyone got up except for you and Bradley, Ice was going to grab a piece for both of you.

Nick kept eating his cake and occasionally offering you or Bradley a fistful. You smiled and kept playing with your son's hair.

But despite your valiant efforts, Bradley could see the pain you were trying to hide in that moment. He knew you better than anyone, so he saw behind the curtain. He could tell you were holding back tears.

He watched your eyes finally gloss over when you made eye contact with your son. Nick grinned and cooed innocently at you and your lip trembled as you smiled back.

You sniffled, but kept your smile as you swiped a thumb over the apple of Nick’s cheek. “Oh Nicky, I wish your daddy was here.” You tried to say something else but your throat burned with tears.

You cleared your throat and looked at your brother, who was pretending he wasn’t watching you. “Hey, I’m gonna step outside. It’s getting a little stuffy, I’ll be right back.” You got up and went to the back deck.

Bradley looked after you with sympathetic eyes before moving his gaze back to Nick.

“Rooster, here’s your cake,” Ice said, holding out the plate. “Thank you, Ice.” “Where’s Y/N?” Bradley gestured outside, “She’s outside.” “Oh, I’ll just take this out to her.” Bradley reached out and touched Tom’s arm, stopping him.

Ice looked at Bradley, and just knew; Mav had given him that look before when it came to Carole.

He nodded and just sat the piece down, patting Bradley on the shoulder before walking away.

*****

Bradley gave you a few minutes before going outside after you.

He grabbed the slice of cake and got Penny’s attention. “Hey, Pen, can you watch Nick for a minute?” “Yeah of course.” “Thank you.”

He stepped out the backdoor.

You had moved from the railing to be curled up in a deck chair. Your eyes were distant but he could see you trying to pull yourself together.

He walked over and sat by your feet. “Hey Duckie.” You didn’t say anything, but your eyes flicked over to him. He sat the cake down, “I brought you a slice.” When you still didn’t respond, he turned to you.

“What goin’ on, Duckie?” You swallowed and picked at your nails, “I don’t know, Brad. I was doing so good…” “Y/N, you’re gonna have your days. That’s okay.” You looked at him.

“It’s my son’s birthday party, today is not the day.” You started to cry again.

“I don’t know what to do Bradley… This is a lot harder than I thought it would be,” you looked at your hands in your lap. “No one ever said it was gonna be easy. Grief is messy and unpredictable,” he grabbed your hands. “It’s been two years, Bradley. I thought I’d be better…” “Y/N-” 

You interrupted him to voice what was plaguing your mind. “Bradley, Nick is one and he will never get to know his father. At least we got to meet Dad and know how much he loved us. But Nick will never get to know that and it hurts.”

You pulled your hands from his to wipe your eyes. “It hurts so much. And I don’t know how to make it stop.”

Bradley doesn’t know what to do, this is not his level of expertise. All he knows is that something as simple as a few words won’t fix this.

“Y/N, there’s not a lot I can say to make this feeling go away.” “I know, I’ve just been keeping this in for too long. Thank you for listening.” You hugged him and he hugged you back.

He decided to say the only thing he could think of. “You’re doing a great job. Nick has the best mom in the world.” You sniffled and pulled back, “Really? Cause I don’t feel like it…” “Yes, really.” He smiled at you and hugged you again.

****

Inside, Penny and Ice watched from the window..

Penny had just cleaned Nick up and changed him into the outfit he showed up in.

“She’s having a hard time,” Ice observed, arms crossed over his chest. Penny sighed sadly, and opened her mouth but Nick had other plans.

“Mmmm! Mmmm!” He attempted while pointing to you with his little hand. “What was that Nicky?” “Mma..” He whimpered a little frustrated. “I think he’s trying to tell us something.”

Ice noticed tears in his little eyes as Nick flailed his arms again. “Yeah, he wants his mom.”

They shared a look and stepped outside.

****

The door opened and you and Bradley looked towards the door.

You quickly wiped your eyes when you saw Nick. “Oh hey guys, Nick okay?” “He’s okay, just wants-” Penny was cut off.

“Mama!”

Your jaw dropped and both you and Bradley stood up slowly. “Did-did he just?” “I think he did, Duckie.”

“Mama!”

Nick leaned toward you as he said it, making grabby hands at you.

You stepped forward and scooped him up and planted kisses all over his face, “Oh, Nicky baby! You just said your first word!” He giggled and said it again. You laughed and held him to you. “Oh my sweet boy!”

You sat down and held him to you, tears coming to your eyes for a whole new reason.

“We need to tell everyone!” Bradley said, just as excited his nephew said his first word. You waved him away, “Sure, but I need some time alone with my baby. I’ll be inside in a little bit.”

Bradley nodded, smiling as he placed a kiss on top of your head before going inside.

After a few minutes you went in and everyone fawned over Nick; and then about an hour later, people left.

****

You laid on the couch as Rooster slept in the chair and Nick had dozed off in his play pen.

Your eyelids began to feel heavy as you watched reruns of crime shows and soon you were asleep.

****

You sat on the couch, head on Kendall’s lap as you looked at the playpen where Nick had fallen asleep. Kendall played with your hair, humming a tune as he did so. 

“I miss you,” you quietly said, turning your head back to look up at him. “I miss you so much.” Tears slipped from your eyes and Kendall wiped them away. “I know you do, sweet girl. I know. But you’re doing such a good job. I’m so proud of you.” 

You sat up, “I wish you were here. To watch him grow and turn into a mini version of you.” You rested your head on his shoulder, “He said his first word today. Gosh, I’m so proud.” 

He kissed the top of your head, “I know. I’m always watching. I’ll always be watching over you and Nick.” He stood up and took you with him.

He walked you over to the playpen, “I will be there. For every milestone, every step of the way. Maybe not physically, but I’m there. I’ll see it all.”

You nodded and wiped at your eyes. “I wish he knew how much you loved him before he was even here. I wish you got the chance to show him that. Bradley and I were lucky to know how much Dad loved us before he died.”

Kendall smiled and wrapped an arm around your shoulders, “They’re watching over you too, you know. Your parents. Your dad gushes over little Nicky every chance he gets and your mom, oh goodness your mom.” You both laugh. “She is so so proud of you and the woman that you’ve become.”

It was quiet for a few moments as you and Kendall watched your child sleep peacefully.

“You can let go, you know,” Kendall said out of nowhere.

You stepped back, confused, “What?” “You’re holding on, Y/N. It’s okay to let me go. You deserve to be happy.” You shook your head, “I can’t let you go Kendall.” “You’re hurting, Y/N. You’re suffering because of me. Getting past this-”

“No! I won’t!” You sank to the floor. “I can’t…” Kendall knelt beside you, “Why?” You looked up at him, “Because I’m afraid of forgetting you if I do…” “Sweetheart,” he wrapped his arms around you. You clung onto his shirt, “I don’t want to forget you.”

He rubbed your back, “Sweetheart, I want you to listen to me. Don’t say anything, just listen.” You nodded. 

“Just because you let go of this feeling, this pain, doesn’t mean you’re letting go of me. Because I will always be yours, no matter what, I’m yours. But this pain, this grief, is not all that’s left of me.” 

He tilted your chin up to look at him, “You have the product of our love just feet away from you. Our love will always be here-” He pointed towards Nick. “-and here.” He pointed at your heart. 

Kendall kissed your forehead, “You won’t ever forget me. I don’t think it’ll be possible. Especially with our little boy over there.” You chuckled a little bit, smiling as your head fell to his chest.

“But you can’t let yourself stay in this cycle. It’s not good for you or Nick. And while grief is ugly and unpredictable, you can get past it. I know you can, because you’re just like your mother. So try to let go of the pain and hold on to the love.”

You nodded, understanding what he was saying. “It’ll be a long road, but you’ve got support. And don’t think that you can’t have bad days, but don’t try to go through them on your own. Okay, I hate seeing you cry.” 

“I’ll try Ken.” He smiled and squeezed your arm, “I love you.” You gently kissed him, “I love you too.”

***********

lil nicky is one and said his first word!! and duckie and rooster got a special visit from some of their dad’s old classmates

duckie also got a special visit from her late love and got a little closure

if you want to be added to the ‘duckie’ taglist or my top gun taglist lmk!! 

tags <33: @roosterscockpit @luckyladycreator2 @hotch-meeeeeuppppp @hisredheadedgoddess28 @malindacath @bananas1234 @avengers-fixation @shawnsblue​ 

i’ll put these in the comments as well

[knowltonsrangers]

The cutest thing just popped into my head: ben tallmadge x female reader where the reader is from the modern world and is stuck in colonial america so she doesn’t know how to put on a corset and is struggling af. she’s at the continental camp and ben notices out of the flap of her tent that she’s struggling so he walks into her tent and decides to help her lace up her corset and then does her hair in a braid (bc it’s down which was like considered immodest back then) HEHEKSJSJAJWKSJKAS and there’s hella tension n stuff between em and ben can’t help but admire her long hair down and the feel of it ykyk yeah thank u i love ur fics sm <333

TURN!Benjamin Tallmadge x reader

[a/n: aw, this is absolutely adorable! tysm for the request, I hope I did it justice!]

Ben ambled throughout the camp, pacing along the row of tents with his hands clasped behind his back. Every time he heard the flap of a tent open, his blue eyes would bounce to his own tent, hopeful that you would emerge dressed, and yet, it would be another officer going on with their day.

“Oh, for crying out loud—“

His boots meet the dirt in a dramatic manner, storming over to his tent, not quite sure what to be expecting, but it was most certainly not you struggling to lace a corset.

Staring in the entrance, hand pulling the flap back, he’s left stood completely still for a moment, then he clears his throat loudly.

“How long must this take you?”

In return, you yelp, your back to the tent opening. You were never expecting someone to be standing right there.

“Why?! Why did you just do that?”

Your heart clamps over your heart, in an attempt to qualm its fast beating.

“I didn’t mean to startle you, I’m sorry. But, haven’t you ever…?”

Ben notices your hands, and the messy loops, how you’ve been struggling for the past ten minutes trying to figure out the right way to lace the bodice.

“No, why would I? You found me in joggers and t-shirt,”

You deadpan, mirroring Ben’s expression as he sighs, letting the tent close behind him so the two of you are enveloped in complete privacy.

“May I?”

Your cheeks burn red, the tips of your ears as well, but you nod, spinning around once more as the officer approaches, gently undoing all the terrible knots you had made prior.

“You are aware I don’t entirely believe you about your nonsense, right?”

“Please. If this doesn’t prove it, I don’t know what will,”

Ben lifts your hair so it drapes over your right shoulder, out of the way as he begins to lace and weave the ribbon down the bodice.

“Your story is infuriating, but infatuating. I would be lying if I said that I don’t appreciate your story-telling.”

You gasp when he pulls it just too tight, your eyes blinking rapidly as he continues.

“Your stubbornness is infuriating, as well.”

Once he’s satisfied, you spin around, glancing up at the Major as he lets his hands fall to his sides.

“Thank you,”

“Not necessary. Though, you have to do something about that.”

He gestures to your hair, now back over your shoulder as it lays down along your back.

“Can you do it in a cute little braid like yours?”

It was a joke, you had all intentions to put it in a bun atop your head like so many ladies you’d seen around the camp, but Ben sighs, motioning for you to spin around once more.

Your mouth flubs, ready to tell him it was a reflex comment-and yet, the feeling of his calloused palms and soft fingertips running through your hair makes you snap your mouth shut.

“This is a customary hairstyle, I don’t understand why you must make fun of it.”

“It was just a joke, I’ll keep them on the DL from now on.”

Ben makes a face at the ‘DL’ comment, but doesn’t ask what it means.

“May I ask you something?”

“Sure, y/n.”

“If you really don’t believe me, why are you going to all this trouble?”

Ben hums, quickening his motions as the braid begins to descend down your back.

“I’ve determined you are no spy, when you didn’t even know which one was the Lieutenant.”

“I can’t tell all those uniforms apart, who could—“

“Like I said, a portion of me believes you. Maybe you just hit your head too hard and don’t know where you are. Maybe you’re telling the truth.”

“I am, but I’ll do whatever it takes to convince you, Major.”

There’s a bout of silence, and right when you feel him go to tie your hair with a ribbon, you offer him your hair tie over your shoulder.

“I’d like you to use this, if you wouldn’t mind.”

Ben says nothing but it takes him a good minute to figure out how to use it, and tie it securely into your hair.

“Thanks. Maybe it’ll keep me sane for a bit longer.”

“I don’t think you’re crazy, y/n. But I am enamored by your…way of doing things.”

The pink color returns to your ears, and you turn slightly, watching the way Ben takes a hesitant step back, admiring his work.

“Best to get you to the General.”

Your stomach flips, palms sweaty as he goes to exit the tent.

“If you don’t believe me, what makes you think the General will?”

“General Washington? He’s…he’s very good at listening.”

Ben misses the way your jaw falls open, mumbling about how on earth any of this was real, your shoes sinking in the soft dirt as you scramble after him.

[lavendertales]

Sweet lies: EPILOGUE

pairing: Frankie Morales x f!reader

summary: two years later, the group's lives are drastically changed.

word count: 1.5k

A/N: big thank you to everyone who's commented, reblogged and supported this series!! ❤️ I loved sharing this personal story with you all and I thank you for all the love.

gif: @uuuhshiny

series masterlist | AO3

TWO YEARS LATER

“Told you we’d be late,” you scold him, walking hand in hand through the crowd.

“It’s only ten minutes. It’s called being fashionably late.”

“Well, you’re fashionably impossible.”

Frankie stops, smiling mischievously your way until inevitably you break into a smile yourself. He pecks your lips, grazing your cheek.

“You know this is your fault, really,” he tells you sweetly.

You make a shocked face, breaking free from his touch. “How is it my fault?!”

“Who told you to wear one of my favorite shirts?”

“I couldn’t find my red t-shirt and I was doing dishes!”

“I had no choice but to be all over you. It was impossible not to.”

You shake your head, the smile never leaving your lips, even as you continuously press your lips against his, even in the middle of all the people around you.

“Okay, so we’re a little late,” you cave in. “What’s the harm?”

“Glad you agree. There is no harm. I figured we’ve both done a lot of waiting.”

You notice someone waving at you frantically, and you realize it’s Rose. Excited, you both rush towards her, hugging her, and then Santiago. You then notice everyone else, and offer the appropriate greetings and hugs.

“How are you feeling, Mia?” you ask, careful how you move around her.

She presses a hand on her belly, smiling. “Excited for this to be over.”

“That’s what you get for having unprotected sex with the Ironhead,” you all hear Santiago’s comment, and you all burst into laughter.

All but Will, who decides to glare menacingly at Santiago.

“Don’t get me wrong, as much as I enjoyed the morning sickness and swollen feet, I am ready to meet our baby boy.”

“Have you decided on a name yet?”

“It’s a tie between Noah and Jordan.”

“Both are great.”

“I guess we’ll see when he gets here. Two weeks left.”

“You know, I hear Ben is also a good name. Benjamin, if you will. As a middle name, of course. We don’t want two Benny’s in this household.”

Mia chuckles, looking over at Will for some sort of confirmation, but the latter throws his brother the same glare as he did Santiago.

“What?” Benny asks him. “So I’m excited to be an uncle, sue me!”

“Don’t worry, once I figure out a way how to or why, I will.”

“How are you guys doing?” Emily asks you and Frankie.

The two of you exchange a look, your cheeks still flushed from the adventurous time you shared roughly half an hour ago.

“Good, good!” you answer. “We’re glad to be out of the house.”

“First time in months,” Frankie adds.

“Thank goodness our babysitter, Rebecca, could make it today.”

“Can’t believe Ava is two years old.”

“Tell me about it!”

“Now see, that’s what you get too for having unprotected sex with Fish,” Santiago adds.

Frankie does more than a simple glare: he follows his friend around, pointing a finger at him and making threats that do nothing more but cause the group a big chuckle.

“Don’t mind him, he’s just waiting for the right moment to throw in everyone’s faces that we traveled in ten different countries in Europe and had very safe sex in all of them,” Rose says, causing the girls to giggle.

“I hope that’s all he’s gonna throw in our faces,” you add.

“Okay but seriously now, how are you guys doing?” Emily asks.

“We’re good, honestly. It’s been… crazy. Good kind of crazy. I mean, not only did Frankie and I get together, finally, but we’re parents. We have a daughter! It’s crazy!”

“It’s normal, honey,” Rose reminds you. “You’ve been through so much and now you finally get your happy ending and it feels surreal to you. It kind of makes me cry.”

“Happy cry?”

“Of course happy cry, you’re my best friend, you idiot!”

You chuckle, taking the plate with the sandwich and salad that Emily hands you. You settle to listen to Rose’s stories about her and Santiago’s travels to Europe over the past four months, then you listen to everything Emily has to tell you about her and Benny’s house shopping and how they may have found “the one”.

Then, you see a couple headed towards your group.

Andrea and Mark make their way to all of you. Everyone goes out of their way to salute the couple, inviting them to sit down on one of the blankets splayed on the grass. Andrea unloads the basket she brought, filed with fruit and other snacks. When she sees you, she goes in for a hug that you gladly reciprocate.

“Feels like I haven’t seen you in ages,” she tells you.

“Since the wedding, actually. Whose fault is it for spending a month away?”

Andrea shrugs. “It was a great honeymoon package!”

You chuckle, seeing Frankie shaking hands with Mark. For whatever reason, you hold your breath, as if that will improve things. But the guys get along great, engaging into an immediate discussion.

“How are things with your parents?” you ask Andrea instead.

Andrea takes a deep breath, then clears her throat. The subject is still a bit sensitive, you notice, and you instantly regret the question.

“We don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to,” you say.

“No, no, it’s fine! It wasn’t easy at first, as you recall—“

“Yeaaaah.”

“But after I basically shouted at them that I wanna live my life my own way, not according to their plan… ironically, that’s when they calmed down. I think it helped them realize that I’m not a helpless kid, either. I mean, I’m doing pretty well, aren’t I?”

You smile at her. “You’re a hot-shot dermatologist with a great husband, great friends and a great apartment. Hell yeah!”

Andrea chuckles, glaring at Frankie and Mark, still talking.

“Looks like things worked out pretty well for all of us, huh?” she asks.

“Looks so.”

“You know, in all the years Frankie and I have been together, he’s never looked at me the way he looks at you.”

You frown at her. “Come on…”

“I’m serious! I mean, sure, it was half ‘I like you a lot’ and half ‘I also gotta stick with you to get my parents off my back’, but still.”

“And the way Mark looks at you… I see you really love each other.”

She smiles rather flustered. “We do.”

“And the wedding was beautiful!”

“Oh, by the way, how would you and Frankie feel about joining us for dinner next week?”

“As long as you don’t think it’s awkward.”

“Pshhh, what’s awkward? My ex fiancé and his current wife having dinner with me and my current husband? Please!”

You laugh wholeheartedly. “You’re right, nothing awkward. You know, if it were anyone else, I doubt I would’ve been able to be friends with you or Mark. But you’re just… too cool.”

“Stop it, come on! I don’t think I truly thanked you.”

“Why?”

She inhales sharply, smiling sincerely at you.

“You’re what gave Frankie and I courage to end things. Well, more him than me. But I do want to thank you for coming back here and basically unwrapping the blindfolds we had on this whole time.”

“Ever the drama lover,” a male voice coos.

You notice Mark coming over, leaning and pressing a kiss onto Andrea’s forehead.

“Oh, how’s the baby doing?!” Andrea asks enthusiastically. “Can’t believe I forgot to ask about her!”

“She’s fine. She’s with the babysitter this afternoon. We wanted to bring her, but she was exhausted so we figured we come here alone.”

“What did I miss?”

Frankie sits next to you, pressing a chaste kiss to your cheek, nothing more. You look around, smiling at the sight of your friends’ banter and their happy faces. You finally feel content, like you’ve won the race you’ve unknowingly been participating in for over a decade.

“Nothing. I’m glad you’re here,” you whisper to him.

“Don’t start something else,” he warns.

You raise your brows. “Or?”

“Or… gonna have to show you when we get home.”

You feel your cheeks burn, but you keep it to yourself. You’ve gotten so used to everyone knowing about you and Frankie and having things out in the open that keeping some things to yourself feels taboo to a certain extent.

“Don’t threaten me with a good time, Francisco,” you warn back.

“Or what?”

“You’ll see.”

“Keep it in your pants, will ya?” Santiago murmurs as he’s walking by.

Frankie makes a face and threatens his friend some more, to which you chuckle. You finally feel at peace, happy.

Like you got everything you’ve ever wanted.

previous

[pastanest]

if you’re wondering why I’m having to repost this, or why you were perhaps previously following me but no longer are, please refer to this post. I was able to retrieve this thanks to @rosieathena - thanks so much!! ♡

Spencer Reid x she/her!reader

TW: reference to domestic violence

Must Have Been The Wind

Spencer returned home late that first night, tiredly stumbling through his apartment door during the early hours of the morning and crashing on his bed as soon as it was within reach. The case he had just helped solve was, of course, as stressful as any other, but the mystery itself was not particularly difficult to decipher, it just so happened that the team’s flight home was delayed by four hours.

Naturally, the tired genius was desperate for sleep, but right as he closed his eyes, the sound of glass shattering stirred him awake again. At first, he thought his ears were playing tricks on him, and he tried to drift off to sleep again, but then he heard something else. From the apartment above his, he could hear a woman crying. There was no chance of Spencer getting back to sleep, his hero instincts had kicked in, and before he knew it he was getting in the elevator, ascending to the second floor.

He speed walked down the hall to the door of the apartment directly above his, following the cries until he was knocking on the dark oak door. The crying stopped immediately, on the other side of the door someone was shuffling around, and Spencer tried to decipher what could be going on. Was she tidying the mess of broken glass? Was she hiding something? Before he could make a conclusion, the door opened, but only slightly. There stood a woman, her puffy eyes indicating that she had been the one crying, but aside from that distinction he didnt recognise her at all, she must have only recently moved in. One of her hands clutched at the wooly turtle neck sweater hugging her form, as though she was holding up the neck to hide herself further, and her other hand held the door so that it couldnt open any further.

“Hello, Im Spencer Reid, I live in the apartment below you and I couldnt help hearing the sound of glass shattering and someone crying- the sounds were coming from above me, I just wanted to see if you were alright?” The young genius explained himself, and used the knowledge from his profession to decode your body language.

Your body was mostly hidden behind the door, only one half of you properly visible as the dark apartment behind you cast a shadow over your features. It was obvious that you were cowering away from Spencer, but at his words, you visibly relaxed a little, and he was very glad of that. Why had you been afraid of him? He noticed that your eyes were wildly glancing inside your apartment, at the slightest noise your head would turn to look inside. Was there someone else in there? Were you in danger? The kind smile that overtook your features distracted Spencer from his thoughts, he couldnt help it, your smile only enhanced the beauty that he already acknowledged but chose to ignore because he was focussed on trying to help.

“Hi Spencer, Im (Y/N). I appreciate your concern, and I-” You paused, avoiding eye contact with Spencer. “-I wish I could tell you about the noise, but I didnt hear a thing! It must have been the wind, maybe I left a window open and something fell. Whatever the cause, Im sorry if the noise woke you.”

Spencer shook his head, he was about to tell you that you didnt need to apologise, and then he was going to try and talk to you more, because every red flag he knew was telling him that you were lying. But, before he could even open his mouth, you continued.

“Anyway, I wont keep you, I’ll go and close the windows, have a good night, sir!” And with that, you closed the door, disappearing.

Spencer heard the fake pleasantness in your voice, you were trying to convince him that you were alright, but you must have known it wasnt working, so you cut the conversation short before he could question you further. Or, maybe Spencer’s paranoid ears were playing tricks on him. It was plausible, he couldnt deny that, and he didnt have any reason to dispute it aside from his own opinion, which told him you were anything but alright.

Though he returned to his apartment, he didnt sleep that night, his body forced him to stay awake and listen carefully for anymore sounds. There were no more disturbances, and Spencer went into work the following morning convincing himself that it really must have been the wind.

Spencer was away for three nights on a case after that first interaction, and while he was away he couldnt help but worry about you.

He returned to his apartment at around lunchtime, the flight home wasnt delayed at all this time around. There was a knock at his door about 20 minutes after he’d arrived at his apartment, his suitcase was only half unpacked. Spencer frowned in confusion, but was quick to open his door and greet whoever wanted to see him. There you stood, a scarf around your neck and a plate of cookies in your hands, which you held out to him.

“The other night, I didnt really get the chance to introduce myself, we’ve- sorry, I’ve only just moved in, and I wanted to apologise again for waking you, so I baked you some cookies! I tried to replace all ingredients that you could possibly be allergic to with safe substitutes, as I dont know whether you have any allergies.” You spoke kindly, your voice less fearful and fake than the last time Spencer had heard it.

Spencer smiled. “Thank you very much (Y/N), do you want to come in for a coffee? Im a little out of stock of almost every other consumable item because I’ve been away, so these cookies have come at an ideal time!”

You chuckled at that and nodded, which Spencer hadnt expected.

“Happy to be of service! And thank you, I’d love to.” You told him, and he stepped aside to welcome you into his home.

Once Spencer had closed his front door, you placed the cookies down on a kitchen counter and turned to look at him.

“I cant stay long, Im afraid Im caught up with paperwork right now.” You said, keeping your voice level as you gestured to Spencer, wordlessly asking for a pen and paper.

He nodded, confused as to why you were asking in such a way, but he still fetched you a notepad and a pen, while casually replying to your spoken words. “Oh, what’s the paperwork?”

While you scribbled down on the notepad, you made up a response to Spencer’s question, both of you aware that the verbal conversation you were having was mostly based on lies. “Y’know, the usual, safety reports and whatnot. Im a nurse.”

You showed him what you’d written on the notepad:

He’s listening. Above. Need help. Please.

Alarm bells rang in Spencer’s head, and he made eye contact so you knew he’d read it.

“How long have you been a nurse?” He asked, not thinking or caring for his words as you pulled the scarf from your neck.

Bruises, in the shape of fingers and lines, wrapped themselves around your neck like a collar. Spencer felt his blood boil as he held his hand out and waited for you to pass him the pen, before he scribbled down beneath your message.

Give me his name.

You nodded at his message. “I’ve been a nurse for almost 5 years now, it’s a job I have a real passion for, there’s nothing like saving people every single day.” You held his gaze as you spoke, and then tore your eyes from his in order to jott down the name of the man you lived with, as well as some background information.

Night shift. Medford. Oregon. Took me as I was getting in my car 6 months ago. Drags me from place to place. Makes me work to pay him. Goes out and kills. Comes back and beats me black and blue.

Spencer made a mental note of everything you’d written and took his phone out from his back pocket. He typed out all of the information in a text to Penelope, desperately hoping that she wasnt busy at that precise moment. At the end of his message, he added “She’s in my apartment, I’ll protect her, but please get people here as soon as possible”.

“I can imagine a job like that would be very rewarding.” Spencer said to you as he took the pen.

It’s done, they’re on their way.

You visibly breathed a sigh of relief, and Spencer darted over to his front door to lock it, just in case the murderer in your apartment tried to get to you. He ran to his bedroom and took his gun from his suitcase, stuffing it under the back of his belt as a precaution.

The police sirens reached your ears just as Spencer re-entered the room, and several loud thuds from above followed immediately after. Spencer noticed you visibly flinch at every thud, and he was quick to stand in front of you and take ahold of your hand to calm you down. Unfortunately, his efforts were no match for the roar coming from the hall above.

“YOU LITTLE BITCH, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO!?!”

You started hyperventilating, unable to process the petrifying fear of that monster coming after you. Spencer turned and pulled you into his arms, knowing that he had at least a few seconds to hold you before the killer got out of the elevator.

“I promise you, I will never let him hurt you again.” He comforted you, his voice so soft in contrast to the harsh words you were used to hearing from the man you had been held captive by.

At the sound of the elevator doors opening, Spencer let go of you and retrieved his gun, aiming for his own front door. If that evil creature got to the door before the police got upstairs, Spencer was ready. You grabbed part of his shirt and balled it in your fist, allowing yourself to stay attached to him and feel just a little safer. The loudest footsteps Spencer had ever heard ran down the hall until they reached his door, a fist pounded against it only once before he was thrown to the floor by the police - or at least, that’s what you and Spencer assumed had happened, based on what you could hear. A much quieter knock landed on his door.

“Who is it?” Spencer called loudly.

“It’s me, kid!” Derek Morgan called from the other side, and Spencer relaxed as he unlocked the door for his friend.

“Garcia?” Spencer guessed.

“Yeah, she searched that guy’s name and found close to fifteen cases all leading to him, he’ll never know a life outside of grey walls after this.” Derek replied, before he walked around his friend to introduce himself to you.

Instinctively, you backed away and shook your head at him, so Derek stopped walking towards you and held his hands up.

“Hey, Im not gonna hurt you, Im a friend of Reid’s. Do you think you can come to the station to answer some questions? You are the only person to survive a conversation with that guy, you have the power to give him the sentence he deserves.” Derek asked, his voice far more gentle than it was when he spoke to Spencer.

You cast your gaze to the floor. “I’ll answer whatever questions are necessary, but I can guarantee that no amount of prison time will serve as justice for what he did to me and so many others.”

Spencer felt his heart sink and his veins fill with fire at your words, he had no idea what you had gone through, he didnt even want to imagine it, but the way you phrased it made it sound as though you could never recover. In that moment, Spencer made it his mission to do whatever he could to help you get through this.

Through every interview, every question, he sat beside you. Anytime a question was too invasive or he could see you being made uncomfortable by what you were having to describe, he stepped in and either took you out of the room to encourage you and give you a long hug, or unleashed just the tiniest bit of sass towards the cop interviewing you, which was an interaction fierce enough to shut anyone up.

Once you had done everything you could to aid the investigation, Spencer drove you both back to his apartment block. He helped you collect the very few things that belonged to you in the apartment you’d been held in, before leading you back to his home, where he had given you permission to stay, as he couldnt bear the thought of leaving you to continue sleeping in your old apartment. He had offered to drive you all the way back to Oregon, to your home, but you said you could never ask that of him, and there was no way you could be on your own after that. Spencer gave you his phone so that you could call your family, and all of them cried happy tears through the phone at finding out that you were okay after disappearing for 6 months. You explained to them that you had a place to stay until the case was completely over with and you were safe to return home, you didnt want to be on your own until that monster was definitely behind bars for good.

“You can stay here as long as you want.” Spencer spoke from across the living room as you ended your call with your family.

You shook your head guiltily. “I’ll be out of your hair as soon as possible, I dont want to overstay my welcome.”

Spencer approached you carefully and smiled down at you. “You are always welcome. I also appreciate the company.”

You couldnt help smiling up at him. “Thank you, for everything.”

Spencer modestly shrugged away your gratitude. “You dont need to thank me.”

You grabbed his hand then, forcing modest eyes to look at you. “If it wasnt for you, I could be dead right now.”

Spencer frowned at this, both because he didnt like the idea of you being dead, and because he realised he hadnt asked a blindingly obvious question. “How did you know I’d be able to help? You came to my door with a plan, how did you know I’d go along with it?”

You smiled at this. “Clearly you were too tired to remember to take off your lanyard the night we met, Doctor Spencer Reid, FBI.” You winked, and Spencer laughed.

“I completely forgot! You just outmatched someone with a career in profiling!” He exclaimed, unable to believe how he could have forgotten such a simple detail.

Then it was your turn to shrug modestly, only you did so with expert sarcasm. “Well, what can I say? Im very good.”

Apparently it was already decided that you would be sleeping in Spencer’s room while he slept on the couch, though this was never discussed, Spencer had decided inside his own head and refused to even entertain you arguing with him. You laid under his covers, your head on his pillow, the calming scent of him enveloping you in a way that comforted you more than anything else. Spencer sat beside you, his hand holding yours.

“If you need anything, or wake up at all, Im just outside the door. And if you’re too scared to get up, call out to me.” He almost whispered, taking care to speak in a way that would encourage your tiredness.

You squeezed his hand. “Could you just...stay?”

Spencer’s eyes widened. “In here? In bed? With you?” Alarm bells rang in his head again, this time for an entirely different reason.

You chuckled at his suddenly flustered state. “Yes, in here, in this bed, with me. Please, if it’s not too much to ask, I feel a lot safer with you here.”

Spencer’s heart swelled, and without saying another word he climbed into bed beside you. As soon as he was under the covers, your body felt a gravitational pull towards his. Before you knew it, your head was resting on Spencer’s chest and his arms were holding you tightly against him. A rattling sound against the window made you jump and hide in the covers.

“What was that!?!” You squeaked in a panic.

“Shh, I think that really was the wind his time.” Spencer answered, his arms pulling you from under the covers and back into his warm embrace. You felt your entire body begin to relax the moment he touched you.

And for the first time in six months, you felt safe enough to sleep.

[onebedtorulethemall]

Bad Omens - Chapter 9 update

This week on my idiots-to-lovers dramione, everyone is more idiotic than usual.

Chapter 9 excerpt:

Benjamin looked as though he couldn’t conceive of a world in which someone could kiss Hermione Granger and then immediately pretend it hadn’t happened. “You are an absolute moron,” he said, in a moment of exceptional bravery.

“Yes, I’m well aware,” snapped Draco.

“Draco—” Hermione began pleadingly.

“Nothing’s changed, Granger, so don’t start calling me that.”

He couldn’t understand why she looked as though she wanted to cry. He was the injured party here, after all.

Benjamin coughed nervously. “Actually, it has. You, erm, have to get married.”

“How horrifically pureblooded of you. Did my mother put you up to this? This is a new tactic for her,” Draco sneered, misery eating away at his nerves like battery acid. “Kindly inform her that snogging does not equate to an engagement. Otherwise I’d be married to Tracey Davis and Granger here would have a baker’s dozen red-headed miscreants running about.”

She had the gall to look affronted. “Tracey Davis? You can’t be serious. And I would’ve been married to Viktor Krum, actually.”

“Somehow I always manage to forget that,” Draco said sourly. “Thank you for the reminder.”

“You brought up Tracey Davis!”

“Jealous, Granger?”

“Of course not,” she scoffed.

“Of course not!” he repeated, illogically infuriated that the nervous peck he’d bestowed upon Tracey Davis’ upper lip at the age of thirteen hadn’t driven Hermione mad with envy. “I’m the one that has to spend all my waking hours thinking about what you’re getting up to with him.”

They both looked in the direction of his finger, which was aimed at Benjamin. Benjamin cast a hopeful glance around the otherwise empty room.

“What?” Hermione sounded on the verge of hysteria. “What about him?”

Benjamin recoiled. “We haven’t been getting up to anything, I swear—”

“Fine, not him, but the other bloke, whoever he is. Imaginary Benjamin.”

She looked completely lost. Draco reminded himself sternly that she really was an incredible actress. She’d been faking all those moans, after all.

Read it on AO3

[samaraannhan20]

Bradley “Rooster” Bradshaw Imagine: Drunk Sailors

Warnings: agegap(around 11 years, I’m making Bradley a little younger than he would be in TG:M), anxiety, depression, non-sexual nudity

“Hey, barkeep!” I hear someone shout from the other end of the bar. “Where’s my drink?” I just ignore him because I am currently helping someone else, and he never actually ordered anything. Just walked into the bar already drunk. “I asked where my drink was!” he yelled again, and I turn towards him, grabbing a random bottle of beer. “Here you go sir,” I say, handing it to him. “This isn’t what I wanted!” “I’m sorry. What can I get for you?” “Nothing you bitch. I’ll drink this until the next waitress gets here. She’ll know what I want. She’ll actually know how to do her job,” he says, angrily, and then stalks off. I look around the bar, see no one there, and then sink down to the floor behind the bar, wrapping my arms around myself and quietly crying. I notice my co-worker come around the back of the bar and look down at me. “Y/N, what happened?” he asks, squatting down to eye level. “Um nothing new. Just another drunk guy yelling at me. That guy out there called me a bitch and said I don’t know how to do my job because he was yelling at me without actually telling me his order, so I just gave him a random beer,” I tell him, and hear him scoff, before he gives me a pat on my shoulder and stands up, quickly walking in the direction I assume the drunk guy is. “Hey! You!” I hear him shout, but I don’t move. “Get out! You don’t walk in drunk and then treat the bartender like that! Get out!” he shouts again, his voice getting smaller as they shoo the guy out of the bar. “Hey, Pen,” he shouts when they get close again, “can you come out here?” I hear my mom vaguely reply, before he walks away and it gets a little quiet again. Before long I hear my mom’s voice. “Y/N, where are you?” my mom, Penny Benjamin, asks as she walks behind the bar, only to find me sitting on the floor with my arms wrapped around my knees, tears in my eyes. “Why don’t you head on home? You opened today, and Tara will be here for her shift soon. You go on home, go see Bradley.” “He’s not back with Dad yet. They went out this morning for training and haven’t come back yet. Besides, I’m fine,” I say, and then sigh heavily and lift myself off the ground. “I just need a second and I’ll be ready to face another customer.” “Honey,” my mom quietly says before pulling me into a hug. “It’s okay. You leaving early doesn’t mean you’re weak. It means there have been at least three drunk old men who yelled at you today, plus however many from yesterday, the day before, and so on and so forth. You haven’t had a day off in two weeks. Go home.” “Are you sure? I can at least wait until Tara gets he-” I abruptly stop because my mom slapped her hand over my mouth. “Go. Home. To your apartment. Out with Bradley. Anywhere but here, or my house. I don’t care. Just go. Take a few days. I’ve got it here. You need a break,” she finishes, before kissing me on the forehead and shoving me out from behind the bar. “Thanks, Mom,” I say, before turning to go to the office to grab my stuff. When I enter the office I take a second to sink down in the chair and open the drawer that mom hides the scotch in, and pull the bottle out. I take a swig, and then set the bottle down. “Ew. I don’t even like scotch,” I say to no one but myself,  and then pull out my phone to check and see if Bradley has texted me since he got to work this morning. Brads🥰🐔 Hey hun, I’m on my way to the Hard Deck with your dad, he asked me to drop him off. See you there. Sent 20 minutes ago I read the message again and then look at the time, before grabbing my bag and running out of the office, turning the corner and running smack dab into someone. “Sweetheart, move a little slower,” I hear my dad say as he catches me. “Sorry Dad. Did Brads leave?” I say as I give him a quick hug before pulling away, and frantically looking around. “No, he’s talking to your mom. I came to find you because your mom told me about what happened. Your mom is sending you home early because some customer yelled at you?” he says, looking at me as though he is willing to hurt anyone who dared yell at me. “I’m fine, Dad,” I reply, already over this conversation. “I’m used to it. Drunk dudes, especially sailors, tend to be mean whenever they have to wait for something. They have just been especially mean the last week, and I hit my limit today. Mom found me crying on the floor behind the bar,” I say, quickly, and with a slight shrug of my shoulders as I tuck my hair behind my ear.  “I’m gonna go find Bradley, see if he’ll take me home. Love you pops.” “I love you too, kid,” he replies before leaning down and kissing the top of my head, and turning towards the office. “What are you going to the office for?” I ask with a small chuckle. “Oh, I told your mom I would finish filing the paperwork she left out.” I just nod in response and turn back towards the bar area, focusing back on finding Bradley. I feel my phone buzz in my pocket as I step into the main area, but before I can pull it out, I hear him call my name. “Y/N! There you are,” Bradley says as he walks over to me. “Yeah, sorry I was hiding in the office. Did you talk to mom?” I ask him, looking up and tucking my hair behind my ear again. “Yeah. Let’s get out of here before some other drunk dude says something and I have to punch him,” he says, leans down and kisses me on the forehead, wraps his arm around me, pulling me into his side, leading me towards the front door. “Bye honey!” I hear my mom shout from somewhere behind me. Bradley lifts his hand in a wave as I shout back, not even bothering to try to turn and see where she is. When we get outside Bradley opens the door to the Bronco for me and helps me in, before shutting the door and walking over to his side. He climbs in and starts the car, and then leaning over me to grab my seatbelt. I make no motion to help, because he does this every time we get in any car, and it just makes me feel incredibly safe and loved, so I stopped fighting it after our third date. Before he leans back into his own seat, he grabs my chin and pulls me in for a kiss. I laugh and we both smile into the kiss, and then he pulls back and puts his own seatbelt on. He turns out of the parking lot and places his hand on my thigh, and I zone out tracing the veins on his hand as he drives. “... you want to go?” he asks me, and I snap back to reality. “Um, well I thought we were just going home. Are we not doing that?” “Baby, I just asked you if you wanted to get some food before we head back to your apartment. Are you okay?” “Um. No. But yeah, let's get some food. Can we go get Chipotle?” “Yeah of course. Here, take my phone and order it ahead so we can get home quicker,” he says, and hands me his phone. I unlock it and open the Chipotle app, putting both of our orders in and closing out of the app. “Hey, can I send a snap in the Dagger Squad group chat?” I say with a small smile on my face. “Yeah of course. Nat was just telling me she missed you. Do you wanna hang out with them tonight?” he asks right as I take a selfie and send it to the squad. “Um. No, it’s been a rough couple of weeks. I just want it to be us tonight. Is that okay?” I ask, and curl up into my seat, handing him his phone back. “Sweetheart, of course that’s okay. It’ll be nice to have a night with just the two of us.” I mumble a response, and lean against the window looking out of it. When we arrive at Chipotle, Bradley leaves the car running and runs inside to get our food. When he comes back he puts it down in the backseat, hands me my drink, and then grabs his phone. I pay no attention to what he is doing, until suddenly a song I know that he never listens to, and I only listen to when I turn on my anxiety playlist,  is playing through the car. I look up at him as he places his phone down and then reaches his hand over, grabs my hand, and then rests our intertwined hands on my thigh. I lean away from the window, and reach my available hand to grab his phone. “Is this my anxiety playlist?” I ask him as I grab it, quickly unlocking it to see what playlist is playing. He chuckles and nods as I look at his phone, and see that it is. I scroll through the list to find another song I would like to listen to, and he laughs as it starts to play, and we both sing along. When we pull up to our apartment, Bradley turns the car off and then gets out, grabbing the bag of food and coming around to my side of the car, just as I open my door. He holds his hand out to help me down, because the Bronco is just a bit too tall for me to casually get out of it, and the process typically ends with me falling over. We walk inside and Bradley takes the food to the kitchen while I head to the bedroom to change out of what I had worn to work. I stand in front of the closet for a second, and then ultimately decide on a pair of biker shorts and one of Bradley’s t-shirts. When I walk back into the main area of the house, Bradley has pulled a movie up on the tv, and is sitting on the couch with a beer in front of him. “I wasn’t sure if you would want one of your drinks, but I have your soda over here,” he says, turning to me as I walk in. “Okay, thanks,” I reply, walking over and joining him on the couch. “What movie did you pull up?” “Your favorite. Now, let’s eat and watch this movie,” he says, and hands me a fork, and we both sit and watch the movie and eat our dinner.

By the end of the movie I’m laying in between Bradley’s legs with my head on his chest. I stare at the television as the credits roll, just zoning out. Before I know it, I’m thinking about what happened today again, and I sit up really quickly with tears in my eyes, and walk to the bedroom before Bradley can notice. I shut the door and cross over to the bed, sliding down on the side of it until I’m sitting on the floor. I just sit there, crying, not paying attention to how long it’s been or anything else that is happening. Eventually, Bradley knocks on the door, before slowly opening it. “Honey?” he says, leaning his head in the room. He looks down and sees me on the floor, and crosses over the threshold quickly, and picks me up, sitting down on the bed with me in his lap. I start crying even more at his kindness, and I bury my face in his neck, with him rubbing my back as I cry. Slowly I stop to cry, and as I begin to move Bradley speaks up. “Honey, do you want to take a bath? I can run one for you if you want.” “Yeah, I think that would be good,” I respond with a sniff, standing up from his lap. “Okay. I’ll go run the bath, you find a nice pair of pajamas you want to sleep in,” he responds, and stands up, kissing me on the forehead as he heads out of the room to the restroom. I cross to the dresser that holds our pajamas, and grab my favorite pair, before heading out of the room towards the bathroom. When I walk in Bradley is finishing pouring bath salts and bubble bath in the tub, and stands up as I walk in. “Okay, bath is ready to go. Do you need anything?” “Um, no. Wait!” I say as he turns to leave. “What are you going to do while I’m in the bath?” “I’m going to change our sheets, because we’ve needed to for a while and what better time than when one of us is having a bad day. And then I’m going to dig your old “magic” nap blanket from whatever cabinet we have it shoved in. Then, I’ll do whatever you need me to do. Sit in here with you, wait out there until you’re done. Whatever you need,” he says, and then walks closer and pulls me into him. “Now, you enjoy your bath, and I will leave you to it. I love you,” he says, and then kisses me before pulling away and heading towards the door. “I love you,” I respond, and then sigh as he closes the door behind him. I strip down and climb into the bath, just laying there in silence, feeling the stress of the day work its way out of my body. I sink lower and lower into the bath, just relaxing.

I lose track of how much time I’ve spent in the bath when I hear a knock at the door. I mumble a “come in” and as I do so Bradley steps into the bathroom. “Hey kid. How’s it going?” he asks, squatting down by the edge of the tub, and dipping his hand below the water to rest on my knee. “It’s going well. I feel a lot better,” I say, and sit up a little in the tub. “I think I’m almost ready to get out. I don’t see any reason to keep marinating in dirty water,” I say with a little chuckle. “Okay darling. What do you want to do when you get out?” “I think I want to shower. Then watch a movie in bed,” I tell him, and grab his hand to move it so I can stand up. I carefully stand up and step out onto the bathmat. “Do you want to shower with me?” I ask him while I walk from the tub to the shower. “Do you want me to?” “Yes, I would love you to,” I tell him, and then slip into the shower and turn the water on. Before too long I hear his belt hit the floor, and the shower door opens to let him in. He reaches around me to grab the shampoo, and then pauses. “Here, turn around, I’ll wash your hair,” he tells me, and I oblige, turning so my back is to him. I hear the shampoo come out of the bottle and go into his hand, hear the lid click shut, and then feel him begin to rub the shampoo into my scalp. After he rinses the shampoo out, I turn around and wrap my arms around his waist, and bury my head in his chest, and he reciprocates the motion. “I’m really tired of having shitty days,” I mumble into his chest, and he squeezes my waist tighter. “I know. But, your mom just essentially gave you the rest of the week off, and if you take longer she won’t care.” “I know,” I mumble again, before pulling away. “Wanna go to the beach tomorrow?” I ask him with a sly smile on my face. “Of course I do. Why that look though?” “I,” I start, as I turn around to turn off the water, “may or may not have bought a new swimsuit the other day. And a new picnic basket. And maybe some stuff to make a picnic,” I finish as I wrap myself up in a towel and cross into our room to start digging around in our pajama drawer for a pair of comfortable pajamas. “A beach picnic tomorrow? Sounds good to me,” he says as he pulls on a pair of boxers and climbs into our bed. “Thank you for everything,” I quietly say as I cuddle into him after climbing into bed. “You deserve nothing less,” he says, as he wraps his arm around me and keeps me close to his side after pulling the covers up. “I should be able to handle one person yelling at me,” I whisper, beginning to let the thoughts I've been having all day come out of my mind. “Really. A normal person wouldn’t cry because one drunk guy yelled at them.” “Okay, let's entertain that thought,” he says, sitting up in the bed, not allowing me to go to bed still thinking that it was my fault. “How many days in a row this week did a drunk guy yell at you?” “Um. Maybe four. Or three. I’m not sure. They all started to blend together,” I respond, looking up at him. “And on average, how many days in a row do you think normal people are yelled at by drunks?” “Well. It depends on if they work in a bar or not. Why?” “Because, kid, it doesn’t matter that you have anxiety. That is not what caused you to cry today. What caused you to cry today, was an asshole that decided it was okay to yell at someone for no good reason. I remember exactly how many days in a row a drunk guy yelled at you, because I was there for all of them except this one, and it was five,” he says, and then pauses to pull me into him, leaving not an inch of space between the two of us. “You deserve a break. You handled yourself fine. And I am so proud of you, and shocked that you were able to make it through four days of people yelling at you. I am so proud of you, I know I already said it, but I’ll keep saying it until you believe it.” “Bradley,” I say with tears in my eyes, and then realize that I don’t have any words to say, so I just say “I love you,” and then wrap my arms around his neck and pull him into a kiss.

[jacksgrealish]

🥺

[areacodefan]

Confession & Connection Time

I know many of us are shaken to the core about the sudden death of Lisa Marie.

I read the tribute from her friend who was also a grief counselor and in it, he wrote about Lisa dedicating herself to supporting other grieving parents, including their plans to do a podcast. It inspired me to go out of my comfort zone in her honor and in honor of that commitment.

I am tremendously upset by Lisa’s death and cannot stop thinking of Priscilla and bursting into tears. Because I know what it is to lose a daughter. My only child was killed in a wreck two decades ago and I have never been the same. I almost didn’t survive it and was fully incapacitated for many, many years. In the past few years I have been coming into a promising new phase of grief and life, one that is difficult to navigate but one for which I am grateful. But any time I hear of a parent losing a child — whether it’s someone I know personally or not — it affects me tremendously. School shootings and celebrity deaths can be just as upsetting for me as for someone I know, albeit shorter lived since someone I do not know is not connected to me daily. But the universality is still there. Only other parents whose children have died know the suffering when their child is gone before them, regardless of circumstances and regardless of age.

Sadly, ironically, this is why I blurred out the letter I wrote for Elvis’s birthday when I posted it. After thanking him for his life and talent, I asked Elvis to hug my little girl for me. I think we all know he of course would do that. It’s making me cry again to write this now, imagining him scooping up my precious sweetheart (she was only 8) in his fatherly arms. I also asked him to find my mom and to tell them both I feel them with me always. As sensitive and kind as everyone is in our fandom, it felt too personal and vulnerable to share these details among a cyber community.

But here we are now. Lisa is dead. Priscilla’s heart is shattered. The family is devastated. The Elvis film family is floored. And the world is in shock. And I imagine that Austin is grieving in a strange and unique way, having come to love her as a “daughter” through his character work but also by feeling a maternal bond from her as well after they met. I acknowledge my thoughts about Austin are speculation on my part and I do not want to suggest I actually know what he is feeling. I don’t want to disrespect him with a formal assumption. Only to share that these thoughts and feelings have bubbled up for me by way of concern for his tender soul, whether or not they are accurate, and I’m sad for him, too.

Personally I must and do believe Lisa is in her father’s loving and long-awaited embrace and that she is also reunited with her beloved son. I know that I long for the day I will be with my daughter again on the same energetic plane — even though I connect to her constantly across the ethers. It was, in fact, that intense pull to be with her that made my life so precarious for so long after her death. And something I deeply understood about Lisa when she referred to how hard it was for her without Benjamin, including her intense feelings of guilt.

I decided to post this in case there are any others in the fandom who have survived a child and who need the extra support & understanding that a fellow bereaved parent shares. Also, after seeing Mel make a post about caring for ourselves and each other, and the many other anguished tributes that are showing up in my blog. Amongst the many posts I have spotted a few comments, tags, and reblogs that have the resonance of someone who knows a parent’s grief. So just in case someone else here is facing that, too, and in honor of Lisa, I decided to bare my soul.

Please feel free to comment, reblog, DM, or send me an ask. In between my own self care (which includes pacing myself on social media), I am also in ongoing recovery from a recent hospitalization, which is a factor in the amount of time I’m on tumblr right now. Otherwise I am available and at your service in compassion and solidarity.

I want to acknowledge a few of my fandom anchors @karamelcoveredolicity @ash-omalley @troubleinapinksuit @burninlovebutler @succsessions and everyone else who is posting, caring, sharing, and hurting. To any other bereaved parents, we know there are no words that adequately convey our experience. We only have the recognition and companionship of one another as fellow travelers on a journey we never, ever imagined we would be forced to take.

Love,

MJ

[curator-on-ao3]

20 questions for fic writers

Thank you so much for tagging me, @divinemissem13! ❤️

1. How many works do you have on Ao3? 127

2. What’s your total Ao3 word count? 660,997

3. What fandoms do you write for? Star Treks, mostly Strange New Worlds, Lower Decks, Picard, and Voyager.

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

Tuvok’s Secret (G): Tuvok has a secret — and he trusts only one person onboard to keep it. (Kathryn Janeway & Tuvok)

Feet on the Ground (G): Something solid slams into Kathryn’s back. She stumbles forward, bumping Mark, who in turn careens into someone else. Kathryn turns to glare at the probably inebriated party-goer who didn’t watch where they were going. But, instead, she looks up to achingly familiar dark eyes and the curves and lines of a tattoo that Kathryn spent the last eighteen months telling herself she didn’t miss. (Chakotay/Kathryn Janeway)

The Halo Effect (M): Tom Paris and Kathryn Janeway didn’t intend to fall in love. (Kathryn Janeway/Tom Paris)

Fly Me to the Moon (E): Kathryn Janeway and Tom Paris never met each other years before Voyager. Never served on a covert mission together. Never fell in love. Never planned a future together. Nope, never happened. Because a secret like that could lead to some … complex dichotomies. (Kathryn Janeway/Tom Paris)

Bad Ensign (T): Harry Kim finds out he missed out on an important part of the Starfleet Academy experience. Hilarity and dirty jokes ensue. (ensemble, friendship fic)

5. Do you respond to comments? Yes. If someone was kind enough to leave a comment, I’m going to thank them.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? I used to not know how to answer this question, but I recently got a kudos on Honey, I’m Home and while that story definitely isn’t “sit down crying” angst, I feel like maybe it qualifies? (Though In the Doorway might also fit under that criteria? Both stories are Kathryn Janeway/Tom Paris, but they only get together in one of them.)

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? Either Feet on the Ground or Youthful Exuberance (Some Kind of Love). Feet on the Ground has Janeway and Chakotay finding their way together after their Delta Quadrant trauma (note: Chakotay is afraid to leave the Sol system for fear of getting pulled into the Delta Quadrant again — Prodigy!Chakotay didn’t exist yet when I wrote that but, from what I’ve heard, he could possibly relate). Youthful Exuberance lets our heroes, Christopher Pike and Una Chin-Riley, have all manner of ups and downs, but the tags promise a 100 percent happy ending and I was determined to deliver.

8. Do you get hate on fics? Not that I’m aware of, usually.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind? Yes. Vanilla because I find that interesting to write. (I’ll read all sorts of stuff.)

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written? I write crossovers within the Trekverse. The two craziest allowed Tuvok and Geordi LaForge to have tea together (Asunder [T] Kathryn Janeway/Tom Paris) and Shannon O’Donnell Janeway to tell Benny Russell how much his writing has meant to her (Meeting of the Minds [G] Shannon O’Donnell Janeway & Benny Russell, Kathryn Janeway & Benjamin Sisko).

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? Other than by ChatGPT, not to my knowledge.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? Yes, In the Doorway was translated into Russian.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? Yes, and am doing so again.

14. What’s your all time favorite ship? NCC 1701

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? There’s one I technically finished about Tom Paris and Owen Paris in the aftermath of Owen’s beta canon torture by the Cardassians. But it’s really dark and I don’t know if I’ll ever edit or post it.

16. What are your writing strengths? Adaptability (to prompts), brevity, details.

17. What are your writing weaknesses? I’m having trouble lately with voice and lack of vocabulary variety.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? If necessary, a beta fluent in the language can be very helpful.

19. First fandom you wrote for? I consider that to be Voyager, but recently reflected on an even earlier fandom for me.

20. Favorite fic you’ve written? My most recent fic always holds a place in my heart, so Disarmed (Mirror Una Chin-Riley/Mirror Christopher Pike) is special to me, and also was an interesting mental stretch because I’d never before written sex that the characters think is good but I think isn’t good. But my all-time favorite? Youthful Exuberance (Some Kind of Love). It’s my novel length love letter to Chris and Una, and it means a lot to me.

Tagging: Tumblr has been doing this fun thing lately where I don’t see posts from people I follow. So, if you actually see this, please consider yourself tagged with no pressure. Also, in addition to the wonderful people tagged by @divinemissem13, I’m tagging @grissomesque @fiadorable @emilie786 @genius2mania @lorcaswhisky @enterprise-come-in @marymoss1971 @sun-lit-roses @kejsarinna @iamstartraveller776 @isagrimorie @emonydeborah and the fantastic folks I’m not thinking of right now because I have tag anxiety.

[footballerimaginess]

Single on the 25th.

credit to @mountsmason​ for the gif x  This is an imagine based on this song here. ‘Single on the 25th’ by Lauren Spencer Smith.  Ben Chilwell  Word Count: 616 As you walked through the busy, very busy shopping centre on Christmas with what was a matter of days before the big man arrived. You instantly regretted it as soon as you walked in.  Seeing happy couples kissing under the mistletoe, holding hands while walking through the snow. You wish you knew what that was like, you sighed as you watched on trying your best to avoid happy couples. 

Luckily you were meeting Ben so he could do some very late Christmas gift shopping as always. You and him had been best friends for years and years, he had been there through everything and likewise with him. Seen his highs and lows, you were always so grateful for him.  “Hey” you smiled as you wrapped him in the biggest cuddle. “Nice to see you, it has been ages. How is your injury?” you asked as you caught up with him. “It is going alright, getting there slowly. Anyway, how are you? Been ages since I have seen you pretty face” you blushed as Ben always knew how to make you smile even when you weren’t in the best of places. You had gotten out of an extremely messy break up only a matter of 7 months ago, it was awful but Ben was there to help you.  “Maybe next year I won’t cry” you mumbled as you watched as there were so many couples walking around, holding hands while you were feeling as single as ever.  “Aww baby, maybe next year” he replied as you headed off shopping and looking at all of the items that you wanted to buy for yourself, but stopping yourself.  “Maybe it’s the time of year, and how it just brings up what I fear that I’m by myself. I guess it brings back memories of what happened seeing others happy. It is pretty stupid right?” you mumbled.  “No it isn’t stupid at all babe, you are allowed to be angry and upset. It is normal” he tried his best to reassure you.  “I’m by myself, wishing I had someone else. I hate it” you sighed again, you knew you were seriously bringing the mood down now but Ben understood that you hated Christmas.  “I hate being single on the 25th, everyone has a baby now. They’re married or engaged somehow. I know that love, takes time. I just find it annoying. I don’t want to keep praying for the love you see in the movies. Maybe it’s just the time of year” you shrugged as you helped out Ben looking for some presents.  “So what do you want for your mum?” you asked as he sniffed the candle.  “Mm, I like this one. What do you think? Smell it” he smiled as he passed it to you.  “Okay I like it, yeah get that one” you smiled as he put it into the basket.  “So what is happening in your love life?” you asked Ben as you had seen so many rumoured girls in his life, despite being best friends for years you barely ever asked him about it.  “Oh you know, not a lot ”he winked.  “Don’t lie Benjamin. I have seen you and that girl you saw in Dubai” you laughed as you kept looking at the clothes.  “Well you know, there isn’t too much happening” you laughed as he tried to hide his laughter.  “Well I guess I am the only one single on the 25th” you smirked as you finished the shopping as Ben packed up.  “Thank you for joining me, we need to see each other more. Miss ya” he laughed as he gave you a cuddle and kiss as you headed your separate ways.  Taglist: @footballffbarbiex​ @percervall​ @odegaardsblues​ @football-and-fanfics​ 

[3lectricinsomnia]

One: I’m thankful for my brother even though sometimes we fight, when training wasn’t easy, they’re the reason I survived, and I know they’d never leave me and I’d hate to see them cry, so I wrote this verse to tell him that I’m always by their side, I wrote this verse to tell them.

That one piece of the song just screams one and two..

FR 🤧

[em-prentiss]

if you’ve bled, I’ll bleed the same

———-

Aaron thought he’d never felt more useless than when he was listening to her get beat up, but the sight of her crying like this proves him wrong. Her eyes are still glassy, blank, and Aaron wishes Benjamin Cyrus were alive so he could put him in the goddamn grave himself.

———-

Part 3 of twin flames, can be read on its own <3

He hovers incessantly, and if Emily were in any other state of mind, she’d have kicked his ass a long time ago. But she needs him now, needs his safety and his comfort, his warmth. So she doesn’t push him away.

He rides with her in the ambulance, keeping a concerned eye on her when she doesn’t protest. She leans her head back against the wall and closes her eyes, tensing each time they pass over a bump in the road.

She’s ashy gray and shivering before they’re halfway there. Aaron shrugs his jacket off and lightly touches her shoulder. “Take this, Em.”

She cracks an eye open and looks at him, the corner of her lips turning up slightly when she sees the jacket in his hands. “I’m fine,” she rasps.

His brows furrow. “You’re shivering, sweetheart.” Something in her warms when the familiar nickname falls from his lips. “Please.” He begs, and she concedes.

“Okay,” Emily whispers. She leans forward and lets him gently wrap his jacket around her shoulders, guiding her arms through the sleeves so carefully she wants to cry.

She welcomes the warmth of his jacket, the comforting scent of his cologne on it. Her cold hands clutch the fabric between her fingers and she sighs. “Thank you.”

Aaron hums and pulls her into his chest. He hears her begin to protest and shushes her gently. “Try to relax,” he murmurs. “We’re almost there.”

Emily melts into him, stuffing her face into his neck and breathing him in. His hands are warm on her waist even through his jacket, rubbing circles on her body when she jolts from speed bumps, hissing and cursing each time her body moves.

She sags against him in relief when they finally reach the hospital, but tenses again when they enter the sterile building, cold and blinding her with the bright lights overhead. She clutches his hand tightly when a nurse comes to take her away.

“Will you stay with me?” She pleads, her grip on his hand tightening when a bunch of doctors wheel away a patient, her dislike of hospitals clear in the way she shivers uncomfortably. The damage to her face is so much clearer in this light; her bruised eye and swollen nose, blood still crusted under it. Aaron’s anger and nausea roil in his stomach unpleasantly, and he tightens his grip right back.

“I’ll stay with you.”

And he does, all throughout her checkups, letting her squeeze his hand when the doctor presses on her ribs, her loud yell ringing in his ears even as he waits for her to come out of her x-rays, the only place they wouldn’t allow him no matter how much he flashed his badge.

He takes the pain meds the doctor prescribed her and gently helps her into the car JJ had sent for them. Emily’s head falls back against the headrest and her eyes flutter closed before he even drives off. She doesn’t get much sleep, biting her lip each time the car jostles her. 

Aaron looks over at her guiltily, slowing down until the car is almost crawling, her stifled whimpers cutting straight through his heart. It takes almost half an hour to reach their hotel and Emily climbs out shakily when they do, glad to finally be out of the car.

He follows her into her room and drops the medicine bag on her bed. She stands wearily in the middle of the room, her arms wrapped around herself as she chews her lip, her eyes unfocused. Her fingers play idly with the sleeves of his jacket.

She looks so small, defeated; shoulders hunched and tense. He can hear her shallow, labored breaths from his spot and it cracks his heart open.

“I’m sorry.” Aaron says, his voice breaking. Emily’s gaze snaps to his. “What for?” She whispers, moving closer to stand in front of him. His eyes shine as he examines her face again, the dark purple of the bruise startling against her pale skin.

“Did you do this to me?” Emily asks, wiping away the stray tear that falls on his cheek. He clutches her hand to his face and closes his eyes when he feels her pulse beat beneath his thumb. “I might as well have.”

“I sent you here,” he rasps, tightening his hold on her wrist. “It’s my fault.”

Emily shakes her head adamantly, her jaw set. “No. You’re not to blame for any of it. Unless you have some psychic powers and didn’t tell me.” She tries to joke but it falls flat, her exhaustion seeping through the words.

He’s unconvinced, his brows still drawn together in a frown. “If—”

“Look, I’m too tired to argue with you on this. Just—” Her eyes shine and she licks her lips. “Just hold me and help me wash my hair and let me forget him.” Her voice trembles and she swallows hard. “Okay?”

The fight leaks out of him at the tremor in her voice, her eyes wet and her chest fluttering. She’s never outwardly asked for his help like this before, and Aaron grasps the opportunity with both his hands. “Okay,” he whispers. 

He gently gathers her up in his arms, leaning down so she can wrap her arms around his waist. His palms are warm and big on her shoulder blades. Emily exhales shakily and presses her cheek against his, needing to feel his familiar touch, needing to feel safe again.

“Thank you for getting me out.” She says quietly. Her nails dig into his skin painfully but he doesn’t flinch, instead bringing her closer.

Aaron holds back his protest, well aware that she doesn’t need it right now. “I would’ve burned down the whole damn place to get you back,” he husks out, his throat tight when he remembers the sound of her cries echoing through his headphones.

Despite everything, she smiles into his shoulder and squeezes his waist in a wordless thanks. She pulls back reluctantly to look at him. “Can you help me with my shower?”

If he seems surprised at her uncharacteristic ask for help he doesn’t show it, instead kissing her forehead and letting his lips linger. “Of course.”

Emily breathes out shakily and unbuttons Aaron’s jacket, throwing it on the bed and following him. But she suddenly shies away when they enter the bathroom, her arms wrapped around herself as he turns on the shower and makes sure the water is hot. She clutches her shirt in her hand when he turns back to her. 

Aaron takes in her timid posture and the way she holds her shirt protectively. She chews on her lip and tentatively meets his eye. “I can leave if you want me to,” he says. “You can yell for help if you need it and I’ll come in.”

Emily shakes her head, “No, I don’t want that.” But she crosses her arms over her chest. Aaron smiles at her gently. “Do you want me to turn around?”

She nods, her eyes blurring with tears at his soft tone, his patience. He turns around without second thought. Emily takes a moment to look at his back before hesitantly unbuttoning her shirt. She ignores the way her hands shake, ignores the dark blues and purples painted across her torso. She bites her lips in pain when she reaches over to unsnap her bra, taking a moment to breathe in shakily before shoving off the rest of her clothes.

She climbs into the shower and sinks down on the floor, pressing her chest against the edge of the tub and letting the water rain down on her. Aaron still doesn’t turn and she smiles at his back. “You can turn around.” She calls out.

Aaron crouches down beside her on the floor. She loves him for not lingering on her body even though he hadn’t seen her like this in over a decade, loves him for keeping his touches light and quick as he washes her hair and tilts her head under the spray. 

“Do you need help with the soap?” He murmurs and she nods even though she doesn’t, really. 

She needs to feel the touch of someone she knows loves her, gentle and delicate and so unlike Benjamin Cyrus. She leans her head on his shoulder, removing the bruises from her sight. Emily ignores the wetness seeping into his shirt.

Aaron in turn ignores the way her head on his shoulder limits his mobility, instead lightly kissing her forehead and lathering the soap in his hands before gently washing her body.

Her breath hitches as his hands pass over her ribs. “Am I hurting you?” Aaron whispers. “No,” she lies. He makes sure to be more gentle anyway, quickly scrubbing the blood from her skin and washing it off.

He ignores the pain in his knees as he rises and grabs a towel from the hanger. “Do you want me to turn around?” He asks her, still sitting down in the bathtub, her knees to her chest. Emily shakes her head.

She stands shakily and he keeps his gaze fixed on her face, holding her hand to help her climb out and wrapping the towel around her. Emily leans into him, shivering from the cold, and he kisses her forehead. “Better?” He murmurs and she nods, smiling slightly. “A little.”

“I’ll go get you a shirt of mine,” he says, knowing all too well the pain of pulling on a shirt with fractured ribs. Emily nods wordlessly and he quickly leaves the bathroom and goes into his own room across the hall, grabbing a button down and hurrying back into her room.

He finds her still in the bathroom, the towel at her feet as she looks down at the bruises on her body. Her hand is tentatively pressed to the boot shaped imprint on her stomach. The breath is knocked out of him when she looks up at him with tear filled eyes, her lip trembling.

“It’s like he’s all over me.” She chokes out. Aaron hurries to her and pulls the shirt on her body to hide the bruises, his shaking fingers quickly fishing the buttons through the holes. He shoves down his tears, shoves down the I’m sorry that threatens to choke him and the wave of blazing anger in his veins.

“He’s gone.” Aaron says desperately. “He’ll never hurt you again.” His words feel meaningless in the face of her pain. Aaron thought he’d never felt more useless than when he was listening to her get beat up, but the sight of her crying like this proves him wrong. Her eyes are still glassy, blank, and Aaron wishes Benjamin Cyrus were alive so he could put him in the goddamn grave himself.

Her hands drift down to clutch the shirt again. Aaron covers them with his own. “Don’t look at them, baby. They’ll be gone soon.”

Emily lurches forward to fall against his chest, her tears wetting his shirt. Aaron holds her and exhales shakily, pressing kisses into her hair until she calms down. He stays quiet as she sobs, not even knowing what to say to comfort her, his own uselessness choking him. He can only provide the warmth of his embrace, which Emily takes without second question.

She lets herself cry out the pain and frustration into his chest until her body is limp and shaking with exhaustion. She doesn’t realize how forcefully she’d been crying until she stops, her ribs on fire against her skin.

“It hurts, Aaron,” she cries into his shoulder, her whole body aching. She sags against him but he holds her up, keeping her steady.

“What hurts, sweetheart?”

“Everything.” Emily gasps. Aaron shoves the bitter taste of guilt down his throat and rubs her back. “I’ll get you some painkillers.”

He gently leads her back into the room, her legs wobbly, and sits her down on the bed. Aaron reaches into the hospital bag and shakes out some pills, handing them to Emily with water. She swallows them down eagerly.

Aaron cups her face and wipes away the tears on her cheeks. Her eyes are bloodshot when she looks up at him. “Stay with me,” she rasps, and he nods before she’s even done speaking. “I’ll stay, Em.”

He looks around and catches sight of her comb on the dresser, surrounded by her makeup. Her go bag is dumped next to the dresser, clothes peeking out of it precariously from the previous night she spent there, before everything went to shit.

Aaron grabs the comb and climbs onto the bed, his back falling against the headboard. “Want me to brush your hair?” He murmurs. Emily nods, grimacing at the thought of dry, tangled hair she’ll have to comb through otherwise. “Please.”

She shifts to sit in the cradle of his thighs, something she often used to do in the hazy warm light of her bedroom when they were younger, the windows cracked and the breeze ruffling her hair against his chest.

He’s so gentle she doesn’t even feel it, the comb moving smoothly through her hair after he detangles the knots. The soothing, repetitive motion of the brush moving through her hair makes her eyes droop, and she has to fight to stay awake. Her eyes shoot open in surprise when she feels him split her hair into three sections. He braids it gently, the ends unraveling without a hair tie, and swings the braid over her shoulder so she can rest comfortably against his chest.

“Thank you,” Emily sighs, her head falling back against his shoulder. Aaron turns to kiss her temple. “You’re welcome.”

He turns off the bedside lamp, “Get some sleep, Em.”

“You won’t be comfortable sleeping like this,” she protests but her words are already slurred, exhaustion claiming her body. She goes limp against him and he adjusts the blanket around her.

“It’s better for you,” he says, knowing how much pain she’d be in if she slept lying down. “Don’t worry about me, honey. I’ve had worse sleep.”

“Mkay,” she mumbles, her hands falling on top of his. I love you, she almost says, but despite her sleep addled brain she manages to hold it in.

“Thank you for taking care of me.” The words are so low and jumbled together he barely hears them. Against everything, Aaron smiles.

“I’ve got you.”

[lovedbz1]

Every Song That Made Me Cry Uncontrollably While Thinking Of MH Jam

Don’t you Dare (make me fall in love with you) by Kaden MacKay - https://youtu.be/CRllw_LSesQ Glimpse of Us by Joji - https://youtu.be/FvOpPeKSf_4 Lost on You (cover) by Scott Hoying and Mario Jose - https://youtu.be/_vaI7pOjc0M John My Beloved by Sufjan Stevens - https://youtu.be/SfjkhzNI2DU Little Bird by Elizabeth Mitchell - https://youtu.be/aQJhhP6PhKY (with the animatic that made me love the song even more)

I Know Those Eyes / This Man Is Dead performed by Thomas Borchert & Brandi Burkhardt - https://youtu.be/NDwxqaICCgA

I Exist I Exist I Exist by Flatsound - https://youtu.be/jrVnwnR4kKc

In The Water by Anadel - https://youtu.be/v3nrNFVUgTg Edit 1: More Songs because I am an emotional mess (A few are just strong emotions about Tim, and in turn Jay, but like, yeah)

death bed by Powfu - https://youtu.be/jJPMnTXl63E

Honeywell by Clem Turner - https://youtu.be/Lt7qWOJLZtY (Thank you shinaa191 for the suggestion)

Blame by Air Traffic Controller - https://youtu.be/y46uRo4-WZI

Slow Dancing in the Dark by Joji (He’s probably gonna pop up a lot in the future) - https://youtu.be/K3Qzzggn--s Die For You by Joji - https://youtu.be/kIEWJ1ljEro

After Dark by Mr. Kitty - https://youtu.be/sVx1mJDeUjY

Happier by Marshmello - https://youtu.be/RE87rQkXdNw I Love You by Billie Eilish - https://youtu.be/WiinVuzh4DA Everything I Wanted by Billie Eilish - https://youtu.be/qCTMq7xvdXU

I Lost a Friend by Finneas - https://youtu.be/3mMVcCMO_Ng

Tales of Dominica by Lil Nas X - https://youtu.be/BHc2E3pNgA0

Cigarettes by JuiceWRLD - https://youtu.be/sGxzXEP9xJk

Diagnosis by Milo McAllister - https://youtu.be/l9fqQ_sO0zw 

Edit 2!:

Training Wheels by Melanie Martinez - https://youtu.be/DpA6DnrYc9c

Older by Ben Platt - https://youtu.be/y_sADbvPmzE

Something About Us by Daft Punk (PLEASE WATCH THE VIDEO IT IS VERY SAD AND YOU WILL UNDERSTAND EVEN MORE WHY IT IS ON THIS LIST!! GOD DAMN DAFT PUNK ANIME) - https://youtu.be/sOS9aOIXPEk

Paper Hearts by Jeon Jungkook (Idk why this version specifically made me cry) - https://youtu.be/aoiXvOkOjW0

Hurts Like Hell by Fleurie (I have a version where at the end there’s a gunshot ((left over from Hamilton hyperfixation ough)) so it made it . . . So much worse, I will not share that version tho) - https://youtu.be/pUlX8ltm_JU

So Cold (Remix) by Breaking Benjamin - https://youtu.be/In5yLjvUE0Y

If the World Was Ending by JP Saxe ft Julia Michaels - https://youtu.be/1jO2wSpAoxA

YUKON (Interlude) by Joji - https://youtu.be/2Sd_mvOotaA

Karma by AJR - https://youtu.be/Vy1JwiXHwI4

The Ghost of You by My Chemical Romance - https://youtu.be/JE-I9uXmH_0

The End of the World (live) by Billie Eilish - https://youtu.be/PaxKhR6FQwA

Sorry by Halsey - https://youtu.be/4XlLjnY22sE

1AM FREESTYLE by Joji - https://youtu.be/QTxMAycHnos

Trying Not to Love You by Nickleback (don’t judge me, I’m a sap) - https://youtu.be/lTaIiE3kWms

Lovesick Fool by The Cab - https://youtu.be/K37dNxP24vY

Terrible Things by Mayday Parade - https://youtu.be/bllr63yMszw

Safe & Sound by Taylor Swift - https://youtu.be/YFEDTtKaFzU

(I’ll keep this updated as the list grows and I continue to sob . ALSO PLEASE LET ME KNOW OF YOUR EMOTIONAL JAM SONGS PLS)

BAD NEWS!! I LOST MY JAM PLAYLIST AS SOON AS I WAS GONNA POST THE UPDATE!! I AM VERY DISTRAUGHT ABOUT THIS!! I MIGHT UPDATE THIS LIST ONE DAY BUT IT IS ON LONG HIATUS IF SO OUGH

FINAL UPDATE!!! I MADE A PLAYLIST ON YOUTUBE FOR THIS AND MADE IT BETTER AND MORE SAD!!! Check out the post here