#thanks for giving me an opportunity to truly go off my rocker writing

[wordstome]

your brain holds so many scrumptious thoughts and ideas I absolutely adore reading anything you have to say.

that being said, König and his relationship to god and religion, discuss plz

hold for a second.

I'm standing outside your house with a baseball bat, because what do you MEANNNNNN dumb shit. I won't have you speak that way about these ideas that I like so much!!!

Alright then rolls sleeves let's get into it.

To be totally honest with you, Alexander (my König) just doesn't really think about religion at all. He grew up Catholic, but his family was never really that devout, so to him being Catholic is just something he puts down when forms ask him for religious affiliation. However, since I love some good religious guilt in my men, let's crank his Catholicism up to max.

...sorry, I got distracted by the idea of König in a preacher's collar. Can you imagine a little König in a Catholic schoolboy uniform? Ahhhhhhhhh the aesthetic of Catholicism. So much better than the actual religion. Anyway, do you remember that post "this character believes himself abandoned by God?" I think that's the essence of König's relationship with God. I don't know if you guys remember, but being a kid/teen SUCKS, y'all. I can easily see König going through childhood bullying and adopting a "if God exists, he will have to answer to me" attitude. Later in life I can absolutely see this merging with his anxiety coping mechanism, which is his emphasized confidence and arrogance. I don't think he develops a god complex necessarily, but something adjacent to it. It's actually quite well described in @kaiasdevotion's fic Break My Mind, specifically in chapter 6:

"Frankly, it makes no sense to him. He's killed many, butchered plenty, and murdered countless. Most die quietly, and some die bravely. One bunch dies with honor, a fucking joke of duty they pretend to hold onto. The other bunch, however, dies praying. To a god, to a higher power, to whoever strained voices can reach. But why? Why ask for mercy? Who are you asking? God? But it's him that's holding the weapon, is it not? Is it not König who has burning metal pushed down a bleeding tongue?"

(Kaia, you're brilliant.)

König definitely thinks faith is wasted on God, but true to his upbringing and his anxiety, he has a bad, bad, sense of Catholic guilt. If he felt like a dirty old pervert jerking off to your panties before, he feels even worse about it when his Catholic guilt kicks in. He's kind of absorbed a lot of those ideals about purity and sin, but rather than him caring about his own immortal soul or whatever (he's already done enough shit to constitute being sent to hell, and honestly, sometimes he thinks he's already in hell, so who gives a shit?) he worries about tainting you. As if his own existence in proximity to yours, his unquenchable hunger for your touch will corrupt your very being. He definitely beats himself up for that, but he's also got that demon in him, so it's certainly not going to stop him if you reciprocate.

And speaking of you, I can very easily see König doing the whole Hozier thing where his lover becomes his god. He will worship you, pray to you, and devote his life to you if you let him. The Take Me to Church parallels are obvious: "The only heaven I'll be sent to is when I'm alone with you [...] I'll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies // I'll tell you my sins and you can sharpen your knife // Offer me that deathless death // good God let me give you my life" I think König eventually detaches sinfulness from sexuality, and in fact associates it with virtue. The act of pleasuring his partner is like worship. And it’s a lot more fun than Mass, that’s for sure.

That serves as our segue into Foreigner’s God. Especially observant OGs may have noticed that I used some lyrics from Foreigner’s God as the title of a chapter of Shrike, because it just fit so well. But Foreigner’s God is sooo König (honestly reminds me of @kneelingshadowsalome Fatum Nos Iungebit König)

“She moved with shameless wonder // The perfect creature rarely seen” is just the way König thinks of his lover, very reverent. “Wondering who I copy // Mustering some tender charm” I do think König can and does learn to be charming, but it’s definitely something he learns with age and experience, and it’s still easy for him to be caught off guard and become awkward again when talking to a lady. This is kind of emblematic of his insecurities regarding the way he talks to people.

“She feels no control of her body // She feels no safety in my arms” You could take this line down a very dark yandere path, but for a softer König I tend to interpret it as projecting his own anxiety onto his lover: he’s always going to be some big, (sometimes far older) pervert who doesn’t know how to act or put them at ease with words. He worries that when his lover is with him, it’s always because he’s forced them in some way, and they don’t truly like him or feel safe with him.

“I've no language left to say it // But all I do is quake to her // Breaking if I try convey it // The broken love I make to her” sort of a continuation of both of the above. He finds himself awkward and stoic and not charming at all, but he loves his partner, and he thinks the easiest way for him to convey that is making love to them. Which admittedly he tends to be good at, if not with experience then sheer dedication (his size doesn’t hurt of course).

“Screaming the name of a foreigner’s god” While of course this works for a lover who isn’t Austrian/doesn’t speak German, I think König has definitely felt like a perpetual foreigner, othered by society at several points in his life. His lover is his god. He may be unworthy of them, but he will always be devoted. That’s his own sort of religious fanaticism. It’s like this quote by John Keats, which serves as my tl;dr for this entire post tbh:

“I have been astonished that men could die martyrs for their religion—

I have shuddered at it,

I shudder no more.

I could be martyred for my religion.

Love is my religion

and I could die for that.

I could die for you.”

and that’s Königcore as hell.

[im-abanana]

@geekgirles The Rock!Branch AU is my drug now, and I shall never stop loving it. 

And thanks to the awesome post @tipolover22 sent us (thank you again, dear!), the one about Rock!Branch’s electric guitar, could I pass the opportunity to write some Broppy fluff?

Absolutely not.

---------------------------------------------

As he sighed dramatically for the umpteenth time that morning, Branch resolved to give his poor lungs much more credit from that day forward. “Poppy, for the last time, could you please take this blindfold off my eyes? I am not a little trolling anymore, and you know how much I hate surprises…”

The Rock Troll perceived the warmth of her exasperated huff on the back of his disheveled nape hair, and he was fairly sure the Pop Queen was rolling those beautiful magenta orbs of hers. “Are all Rock Trolls so whiny and insufferable, or is it just you?” she inquired, her voice saturated with both mirth and impatience. “Come on tough boy, bear with me a tiny bit longer. We’re almost there, I promise!”

“I’m gonna bear with you for the rest of my life,” his hopelessly romantic-self wanted to say, but Branch bit his tongue to preserve some of his already stolen dignity. If anyone saw him, the Rock Trolls’ second in command, like this— wrapped up like some sort of birthday-boy! Yup, it was definitely not the proper time for silly poems and sentimentalism. 

“You’re lucky I love you,” he grumbled at last, because he couldn’t help but remind her again, and again, and again.

Imagine being that weak for a colorful, crazy, scrapbook-loving Pop Troll.

The young Queen’s carefree chuckle filled the air like a melody, and when Branch felt her lips peppering his left cheek with light kisses, his knees got all wobbly. 

“I know I am,” Poppy chirped sweetly, as if she really meant it, as if she truly believed she was the lucky one. 

Oh, nothing could be further from the truth!

The Queen’s petite fingers suddenly squeezed his biceps, making the Rock Troll stop in his wavering tracks. “Ok, here we are! Are you ready for your surprise, Branch?” she asked, definitely more excited than he was.

Pop Trolls loved to torture their mates, that had to be it. But then again, how could he deny her anything? He let out a last, defeated sigh and then nodded. “Please, don’t let it be glitter, don’t let it get on your face Branch, you’re still recovering from a bad case of cataract from last time…”

The moment Poppy freed him from the blindfold, the sudden sunlight struck his light blue eyes, forcing him to rub them with the back of his tattooed hands to help them adjust. And when they finally did, Branch found himself staring at a rather large, black box tied with a grey ribbon.

Black? No glitter? No rainbows, cupcakes or unicorns? Very uncharacteristic of her…

“What is it, Poppy?” the Captain wondered aloud, staring back and forth between the mysterious dull box and his girlfriend’s anticipating face.

“It’s, uh… just a present, really. For you,” Poppy lowered her gaze nervously, very shy all of the sudden. Her foot drew small circles in the soft grass underneath them. “Go on, open it! I— I just hope you’ll like it. I mean, I’m a Pop Troll and I still don’t know much about Rock Trolls’ taste, but…”

Branch’s hearth clenched tightly in the middle of his chest, pouring and pumping a rush of pure adoration in his bloodstream until he thought he could overflow with it; she seemed so vulnerable, so tense, so preoccupied. It was obvious that she was hoping she’d made the right choice. 

Most importantly, she was hoping she could make him happy.

Ok, he definitely didn’t deserve her. What did he— a grumpy, short-tempered and overly-tattooed rocker —do to deserve such a selfless angel?

Cupping her freckly cheeks with his callous palms, the Rock Trolls’ Captain gently spurred the Queen to lift her head up. “Poppy, listen to me,” he cooed, surprised by the tenderness of his own voice. “whatever it is, I’m sure I’m gonna love it. But you didn’t need to buy me a gift, really. I got everything I want here, right in front of me. What more could I possibly ask for?”

And who needed the sun, when her smile could shine so bright? Just as he didn’t need stars to wish upon, when an entire galaxy seemed to be sparkling in her eyes. 

“Aww Branch, you’re such a flatterer,” the pink Queen gasped, sincerely touched by his kind words, all of her concern replaced by a renewed excitement. “But enough of the mushy stuff and flatteries now, unwrap your present already! I still have my class to teach to, you know. I bet Wani and her friends are done babysitting, and I can’t exactly ask Tresillo and his mates either. Since their three eggs hatched, the Reggaeton Trolls’ are parenting 24/7!”

“Alright Pops, don’t worry. I’m opening the gift right now,” he assured, carefully grabbing the box and starting to gently pull the ribbon.

He’d be lying if he said that he wasn’t at least a tiny bit curious. The Rock Troll didn’t exactly know what to expect; would it be a scrapbook? A lifetime supply of cupcakes? An explosion of multicolored glitter? Or maybe a— oh.

OH.

The last thing Branch expected to receive as a gift from the Queen of Pop was the sickest, awesomest electric guitar he’d ever seen in his entire life.

It was completely black, with a rough surface covered with different kinds of skulls. The biggest one was embedded in the lower left part of the guitar, just below the bridge, with fang-like bones making up for its missing mandible and going all the way to the lower right side. A small and complete skeleton— a critter he couldn’t fully recognize —was unnaturally splayed on the central part, between the pickups. And finally, skillfully attached to the strap pegs, there were two small mink’s skulls.

Whoa, just— whoa.

Branch was still gaping like a dead fish when Poppy’s voice tentatively broke through his astonishment and stupor. “So… do you like it?” she asked, not exactly able to interpret his kinda amusing expression. “I know how much you adore skulls, so I had this guitar made just for you. Well actually, truth to be told, it was Barb who recommended me this pretty talented luthier and—”

“Like it?” the Captain incredulously blurted out, struggling to avert his eyes from that absolute masterpiece. “Poppy, are you serious!? This is— oh my Rock, this is the coolest guitar I’ve ever seen! I don’t even know what to say, thank you! Thank you so much!” 

At this point, Branch could no longer restrain himself; he grabbed his beautiful girlfriend by the hips and lifted her up, playfully swinging her in the air like a crazy teenager. And the overjoyed laugh she regarded him with… damn, he could’ve spent forever listening to that beautiful laugh.

“Now that you gifted me such an amazing instrument,” the Rock Troll grinned smugly, the menacing sharpness of his fangs in cosmic disharmony with the soft kiss he placed on Poppy’s nose. “I hope you’re ready to be spoiled and serenaded all night long, my Queen.”

“You know I am. Do I get to choose one song?” the Queen of Pop excitedly asked, fluttering her long eyelids the way— she knew, that tiny torment —it made him absolutely crazy. “Or maybe two, pretty please?”

And again, how could he deny her anything? 

With a smile so warm and so big it could split his face in half, Branch started to mentally rehears the notes of those songs, their songs. 

“‘Perfect for Me’ and ‘True Colors’ it is, I suppose?”

[rosethornewrites]

Fic: The Rebellion of Adrien Agreste, ch. 15

Relationships: Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir & Gabriel Agreste | Papillon | Hawk Moth, Juleka Couffaine/Rose Lavillant, Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir/Luka Couffaine, Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug & Kagami Tsurugi, Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir & Luka Couffaine, Lila Rossi/karma, Gabriel Agreste | Papillon | Hawk Moth/aneurism, Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug/Kagami Tsurugi, Plagg & Tikki

Characters: Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir, Gabriel Agreste | Papillon | Hawk Moth, Lila Rossi, Jagged Stone, Plagg, Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug, Luka Couffaine, Penny Rolling, Anarka Couffaine, Rose Lavillant, Juleka Couffaine, Kagami Tsurugi, Alya Césaire, Chloé Bourgeois, Wayhem, Nadja Chamack, Nathalie Sancoeur, Sabine Cheng, Tom Dupain, Tikki, Fang, Principal Damocles, Caline Bustier, Ms. Mendeleiev, original minor character, Alec Cataldi, Lila Rossi’s Mother, Sabrina Raincomprix, Roger Raincomprix, Mylène Haprèle, Le Gorille | Adrien Agreste’s Bodyguard, Nino Lahiffe, Nooroo

Tags: Lila Rossi salt, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Teenage Rebellion, Swearing, Bad Parent Gabriel Agreste, Crack Treated Seriously, Lila Rossi’s Lies Are Exposed, Cuddling & Snuggling, Luka Couffaine Needs a Hug, Paparazzi, Parentification, Marinette Dupain-Cheng Needs a Hug, Gabriel Agreste Needs an Aneurism, Uncle Jagged Stone, we’re all queer here, the spirit of punk is sometimes just being allowed to be yourself, Kagami Finds Her Groove, punk rock fashion, Savage Kagami, Marinette protection squad, Good Parent Sabine Cheng, Good Parent Tom Dupain, Protective Kagami Tsurugi, Protective Luka Couffaine, Bisexual Marinette Dupain-Cheng, Pansexual Luka Couffaine, Sharing a Bed, Pet Names, LGBTQ Character, LGBTQ Themes, Instagram, Bullying, Social Media, Anxiety, Makeover, Hugs, will cure your acne, Face Punching, Bad Ass Juleka Couffaine, Rumors, Protective Juleka Couffaine, Protective Adrien Agreste, Lawyers, Hijinks & Shenanigans, Holding Hands, accountability, mental health, Jagged Stone’s well-paid pet shark, How to Make the Evening News, Sexy eyeliner for days, one fish two fish Lila is a screwed fish, How to have fun and piss Gabriel off, Fuckery, sweet litigious karma, Alya sugar, lawyer shark doo doo doo doo doo doo, Schadenfreude, Bad Ass Alya Césaire, Gaslighting, abuse denormalization, Jagged likes his lawyers like he likes his pets: toothy af, Blood in the Water, Everything you didn’t know you wanted and some things you did, Gabriel Agreste is shark bait, Denial, Consequences, Principal Damocles salt, caline bustier salt, the impotence of Gabriel Agreste, snarky Nooroo, lies and the lying liars who tell them, Lila’s brain is a narcissistic hellscape, Lila’s mind is built like an Escher piece, Alec Cataldi salt, Adrien Sugar, wholesome salt, Fu Salt, Kwami Shenanigans, Nooroo is a little shit

Summary: The Impotence of Gabriel Agreste

Notes: I’ve received some amazing fanart for Rebellion. @redcoloredpanda drew Luka and Adrien snuggling, and @momo-oh-nono drew Marinette’s rocker outfit! So now chapter 17 is writing itself in my head, yay! Thank you for inspiring me!

AO3 link

Chapters 1-2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 10 | Chapter 11 | Chapter 12 | Chapter 13 | Chapter 14

------------

Gabriel Agreste watched, fingers steepled, as the scene outside the school unfolded. He had, of course, realized quite quickly attempting to counter Adrien’s claims would be a foolish move. True or not, he would look like the villain if he were to try, accused of homophobia and perhaps classism given the way this Luka boy dressed. He had cancelled the story that was to appear, and hopefully nothing would leak.

On the bright side, he had a patsy. Lila was a loose cannon, currently proving so to the entire world, and he could easily claim she had mischaracterized her relationship with his son. She was currently trying to do the same thing, taking advantage of the fact that Adrien had not yet arrived to the mob of reporters.

“He told me he loved me. He told me we would go public, and he used me and then dumped me,” the girl was telling a reporter tearfully.

Gabriel was rather displeased with the implications of that accusation, which could impact the brand.

Fortunately, the reporter was more interested in the limo that had pulled up and deposited… was that the young designer?

The girl nearly fell, but someone rushed forward to embrace her. When the camera focused…

Kagami Tsurugi.

Nathalie shifted beside him, and he could feel through the miraculous that she was as startled as he was.

He could only assume Adrien was also in the limousine; from the “leaked” text messages the previous night and implications on social media, Marinette Dupain-Cheng was an accomplice. But this meant the scion of his business partner, someone he thought would be a good influence on his son, was likely also involved. Her presence was unlikely a coincidence.

Perhaps this was information he could use, but he filed it away for later as none other than Jagged Stone exited the limo next.

Despite the video the night before of the “jam session,” it was unexpected to see the rock star accompanying his son to school.

The announcement came as a surprise, as he didn’t follow the music world terribly closely, and certainly not a ruffian like Stone. Gabriel had been unaware that Marinette had been so prolific, that she had designed anything beyond the bowler hat.

“Please prepare a dossier on Mlle. Dupain-Cheng,” he ordered Nathalie. She immediately began to tap away on her tablet. “And perhaps her parents as well. We should know who we are dealing with.”

Next to leave the limo was Adrien and his… boyfriend. Clearly, the Gorilla had not been able to intercept them as ordered. Though he’d seen the disaster that Adrien had made of his hair in the photos and video the previous night, it still shocked him.

He studied the body language of his son and Luka Couffaine, frowning. They appeared to be close, the other boy looking at him in such a way as to make the “boyfriend” claim believable. For the life of him, Gabriel couldn’t figure out how they could have met—though from the dossier Nathalie had prepared it seemed the boy’s younger sister was in Adrien’s class.

When Mlle. Tsurugi caught Lila’s wrist, he found himself letting out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. From the angle of the camera he had been uncertain who she intended to hit.

The teens played for the cameras masterfully, and Gabriel couldn’t help but be a little impressed. If this was staged, they had organized a believable PR opportunity on extremely short notice. If they weren’t working against his interests, he’d consider giving them internships at Gabriel.

Beside him, Nathalie let out an involuntary incredulous snort at Lila’s ridiculous accusation of pederasty.

Luka Couffaine gave a remarkably level response, and barely had Lila spoken again than the cameras jostled, moving around in a way that made it difficult to see what was happening, though it sounded like Lila let out a little shriek.

The camera’s focused on a young woman with purple in her dark hair as she yelled, “How dare you talk about my brother that way! You’re not worthy of the bottom of his shoes!”

Rather creative, as far as insults went.

Jagged Stone saw fit to introduce the girl as Luka Couffaine’s younger sister, who had been mentioned on the dossier Nathalie had prepared on the “boyfriend.” And identified their mother as a former bandmate of his.

Gabriel let out a disgusted sigh. Of all the riff-raff Adrien could consort with, he chose someone close to a disaster of a man like Jagged Stone. That certainly explained why the rocker was involved.

Lila’s desperate claims that Luka Couffaine was courting Marinette Dupain-Cheng, though interesting, were quickly refuted.

And then Kagami Tsurugi spoke, a complete falsehood as Gabriel had not been aware of this supposed boyfriend before Adrien took his Instagram account rogue the previous evening. He would have to find out if she was being misled or intentionally lying to damage his image.

He frowned at Mlle. Dupain-Cheng’s allegations of sexual impropriety toward Adrien by Lila, glancing toward Nathalie. “Have HR investigate that.”

The cameras jostled again as Lila childishly threw herself at the girl. When they focused, Lila was on the ground, a woman in a smart business skirt suit looking down at her with a bored look on her face.

Nathalie started typing notes on her tablet as the woman, apparently M. Stone’s lawyer, outlined a list of charges against Lila. Her fingers stopped at Lila’s accusation—which, while twisted, was technically not entirely a lie.

Gabriel narrowed his eyes. He had miscalculated, using this girl. She was far too much a loose cannon, clearly, out only for herself. He had known that, of course, but thought her controllable, someone who would not bite the hand that fed her.

“Have HR fire her immediately. Gabriel social media should put out a statement announcing that, stating an investigation will be made into the sexual assault claims.”

More drama unfolded on the TV, the situation interrupted by the inept principal of the school. Lila’s attempts at getting Mlle. Couffaine in trouble were cut off by the lawyer, who announced further charges based on the defamation and attempted assault against M. Couffaine.

He watched, stewing, as a touching goodbye took place between his son and the other boy, as they exchanged pet names, even.

Truly, if this was a performance, much had gone into it in under 24 hours. It left him uneasy.

The paparazzi continued filming as Mlle. Tsurugi left, as Jagged Stone tried to coax his ridiculous crocodile out of the limo, as Adrien and Luka flirted further, as Lila shrieked and tried to interrupt through what would have likely been violence if not for the snapping crocodile taking offense to her.

Her ire turned to Mlle. Dupain-Cheng, whose large father stepped in front of her as a shield, before she was scolded by the principal and ordered into the school.

Lila’s last attempt to turn matters in her favor, claiming Marinette was a bully, was laughed off by Jagged Stone.

The press swarmed them, calling out questions that were largely inane at best, though the one questioning the relationship between Mlle. Dupain-Cheng and Mlle. Tsurugi caught Gabriel’s attention.

“I think a call to Mme. Tsurugi shortly will be in our best interests, perhaps,” he murmured.

“I’ll add it to your schedule, sir.”

He was impressed when his son shut down the reporters, asserting his right as a minor not to be filmed. The boy had jumped to defend Mlle. Dupain-Cheng from a question regarding the “leaked” text messages, confirming he released them himself.

Ending his association with Lila Rossi was necessary, particularly if she was foolish enough to leave such damning evidence to be released.

The drama moved into the school, where the cameras would not follow, and Gabriel stood.

“You will watch through a butterfly?” Nathalie asked.

He only nodded in response as he moved past.

Gabriel didn’t transform until he was safely in his lair, ignoring the reproachful look from Nooroo. He quickly sent an Akuma out toward the school, letting it hover so he could get a better picture.

What he found was… boring. The group including Adrien and Mlle. Dupain-Cheng were seated outside the principal’s office, waiting on something. The girl herself was half-asleep against her mother.

Movement and anger caught his attention. A woman was stalking across the courtyard, then up the stairs. She marched right to Mme. Bustier’s room and started yelling… in Italian.

He guessed this was Lila Rossi’s mother.

The argument spilled into the open-air hallway, the rage from both of them potent Akuma possibilities—though he preferred not to use the younger Rossi any longer.

The Akuma was noticed, he realized, when shock and horror assailed him from all around. The Akuma dipped lower, drawn by the tumult, only to be captured.

Lila Rossi’s mind was a dungeon of grudges and entitlement, filthy and haughty. It always had been, but the sheer narcissism of her inflated self-import was cloying in a sickening way.

Before he could even begin to speak to her, though, pain assailed his senses, and he was abruptly aware that his connection had been severed. When he had his senses back, he realized his Akuma had been captured in a jar. He didn’t know what had led to that, but the emotions he felt were even more promising than the Rossis’.

The guilt and horror and anger of Alya Césaire was so potent he sent the Akuma beating against the glass to try to reach her, to no avail—it was only as strong as a simple butterfly. He couldn’t Akumatize her, no matter how powerful she would be. He couldn’t send out another Akuma, not with one already out, and Nathalie wasn’t strong enough for another try at Scarlet Hawkmoth, though this was the perfect occasion for it.

Before long, the Akuma was shut in darkness, and was thus useless.

He snarled in frustration, letting his transformation fall. Nooroo only regarded him silently.

Useless.

Only the mundane was left to him—a call to Mme. Tsurugi, after he’d calmed.

It would be hours, the Akuma long since purified by Ladybug, before he’d realize he could have recalled the power and sent out another.

No amount of railing at Nooroo would give him that opportunity back—and the kwami only murmured cheekily, “You didn’t ask” when Gabriel demanded to know why he hadn’t recommended it.

--

Marinette felt her phone buzz on her lap and snuck a peek at it.

Kagami: Are we dating now, too?

She could feel the heat rush to her face. A coughing fit overtook her. She only vaguely aware of what was going on around her, until a cup of water was pushed in her hand and she found herself in the hallway with Adrien.

He looked concerned, so she silently showed him her phone.

Another text had come in, as it turned out.

Kagami: M. Agreste called my mother. She wishes to know the answer to the question from that reporter.

To her surprise, he quirked a cheeky grin, his eyes lighting up. “Oh, you should.”

He was going to be the death of her.

[propertyofnikkisthighs]

Sure Feels Right Ch. 10

Taglist: @hllywdwhre, @xxkellsvixen19xx, @desdestiny, @lain-ee, @crystalbaby12, @lovemythsworld, @hxllywood-whxre, @creatureofthen1ght-v3, @stellaxrosa, @purplecrayonflower, @leanimal90

Note: This may be the last chapter of this fic. I’m not sure where else to take it tbh and I have other stuff I wanna write for as well

Warnings: Smutttt

The bus was surrounded by screaming fans and Lux was almost fearful of them knocking it over with how roudy the crowd was becoming.

“I just want you to know that I could kill you both for the amount of anxiety you’re putting me under with this bus situation.” Lux glared at the two boys excitedly bouncing around the bus and getting the fans more riled up through the windows.

“This is fooking MENTAL” Dom screamed shaking her shoulders.

“Yeah Lux, loosen up!” Colson bounced up to her and ruffled her hair. As childish as it was Lux couldn’t stop the smile spreading across her face from the small act. Colson was always more childlike and chaotic when Dom was around, but it made for a good time for everybody else involved.

The two boys didn’t wait long to hear her complain any further and they opened the door to the insane crowd. She had no idea how they managed it, but they climbed up the door and to the roof of the bus.

“The fact we are still able to rent these buses is truly a miracle” Rook laughed and pressed a kiss to the side of her head.

“Come on we have to get inside to watch the performance” He made his way skillfully through the crowd only getting stopped a few times by some of the people. She followed not too far behind him and they stood near the bar watching Colson and Dom get the fans to scream the lyrics to “I Think I’m OKAY” from on top of the bus. Just as she was about to wonder out loud how they were going to get down off the bus she sees Dom jump into the crowd and be carried to where he can walk to the bar and Colson soon followed suit front flipping off the bus and giving her a small heart attack.

The bar was cramped, but that didn’t stop all the boys from rocking out to the maximum that the little stage could offer and then some. Colson was climbing the bannister and flipping upside down even. Lux and Rook watched from the sidelines due to the stage being so packed with the drum set and the three rockers. She admired how they all gave one hundred percent on stage despite the limited space. Once everything was all said and done they were on their way to get back to Colson and Rook’s place and Lux could not be more excited about it. After a long and stressful few weeks of tour they were finally about to have some time to enjoy themselves and not be all stuck together on the bus.

“Oh thank god” Lux sighed out when they pulled into the driveway.

“You are so dramatic” Rook teased grabbing the bag of bedding out of her hand and heading into the house.

“It is late Rook and I want to sleep in a bed that isn’t a twin and traveling at 70 miles per hour down a highway”

“Well then complain less and get your ass inside”

“I need to still drive home though” She pouted and rubbed her eyes really not looking forward to the drive.

“No you don’t you can sleep in bed with me” Rook grabbed her hand dragging her in the house and they both made their way up the stairs to his room.

Lux had been in Rook’s room a hundred times, but had never spent the night in his room especially with him. She usually crashed in the guest bed if she got too fucked up to drive home. She followed him into his room and plopped down on the soft cool sheets on his bed breathing in the faintest hint of him on the pillow. 

“You want a shirt to sleep in tonight?” Rook asked pulling a shirt out of his closet and holding it up.

“Yes please.” She took the shirt from him and he shielded his eyes to block him from seeing her change. She giggled at the small gesture and quickly undressed to just her underwear and pulled the shirt over her head before slipping back under the covers on his bed.

“It is safe now” She watched as rook removed his shirt and slipped out of his pants then slid into the bed next to Lux.

She scooted closer to him so her back was against his chest and felt his strong arms wrap around her middle. Lux felt him lean over and press a kiss to her shoulder and she sighed contently. She tipped her head to the side to allow for more of her neck to be exposed and Rook pressed more soft kisses to the smooth skin there. She brought one of his hands up to her lips and pressed a kiss to each one of his knuckles.

“You know” Rook said between kisses “I would never think that you would be here and I’d be lucky enough to be kissing you.”

“You know I never thought I’d be lucky enough to kiss you” She chuckled rolling over to wrap her arms around his neck and kiss him properly on the lips. Rook cradled her head as he slowly moved his lips against hers and pulled her body closer to his with his other hand. Lux trailed a hand down his head holding his cheek with her hand. Rook began to trace small circles along her exposed thigh causing a sigh to escape from her lips and a smirk to form on his. Taking the sigh as a sign of approval, he began tracing larger circles as he deepened the kisses they were sharing. His fingers skirted along the edge of her underwear and she felt heat pool between her legs. 

“We don’t have to do anything by the way” He looked at her with soft eyes as he kept inching his fingers closer to the sensitive area that was becoming more insistent on being touched the closer he got.

“I know, but I want to do this with you” She moaned softly.

He nodded his head and connected their lips again while his fingers danced along her folds that were increasingly becoming slick with her want. She moaned and stuffed her face in his neck as he applied pressure to her clit through her underwear. She bucked her hips against his hand and he pushed her underwear to the side grazing her clit with his fingers. She let out a muffled moan blocked by his neck and he audibly groaned sinking a finger inside of her pumping it in and out. Lux whimpered as he added another finger and used his thumb to circle her clit and she spread her legs further. Rook flipped himself over to be in the cradle of her legs and removed her underwear positioning his face between her legs. The first lick was slow, languid, and torturous and Lux flung her head back against the pillow. He looked up at her face twisted up in pleasure with her eyes open and mouth agape panting and he picked up the pace with his tongue.

“God dammit Rook” She gasped gripping his hair as he continued to lap her up while plunging two fingers in and out of her. 

Her back arched off the bed as the familiar feeling started to build in her lower abdomen. Her moans increased in volume and frequency as she reached the edge. Rook buried his face deeper into her core and moaned against her the vibration from that and the combination of his tongue sending her over. She called out his name and rocked her hips against his tongue riding out her high. Once her movements ceased Rook pulled his two fingers out placing them immediately into his mouth. Lux pulled him up and connected their lips again as their hands scrambled to get Rook’s boxers off along with the shirt she was still wearing. Rook positioned himself at her entrance and rubbed the tip of his dick against her wet folds.

“You sure you’re okay with this?” Rook asked still teasing her.

“I’m very positive” She smiled and pulled him down to kiss him as he entered her slowly.

They groaned in unison as she took in his full length in a smooth motion. Rook began a slow, dragging pace as he rocked his hips against hers. Sliding his hand along her thigh he dragged it down to her knee and picked her leg up placing it on his shoulder and started a quicker pace.

“Fuck Rook oh my god” She called out as he snapped his hips against hers faster and harder hitting her in all the right places. 

“You feel so fucking good Lux” Rook groaned out slowing his movements down again.

Lux took the opportunity to flip them over so she was on top and lowered herself on to his dick. She threw her head back and placed her hands on his muscular chest to leverage herself as she moved up and down on him rocking her hips in time with his to hit her sensitve bud with each thrust.

“Rook I’m gonna cum” She cried out desperately.

“Me too” He groaned and sparks flew behind her eyelids once more as she came throbbing from the sensation. Rook lazily thrust up a few more times coming down from his own release and Lux rolled off of him curling into his side and pressed a few lazy kisses to his chest.

“That was amazing” He pulled her closer and she hummed in agreement falling asleep shortly after in his arms.

Lux hummed absentmindedly as she danced around the kitchen preparing coffee when she heard the front door open and shut. In walked the tall lanky blonde still wearing the clothes he went out in last night when they had gotten back.

“Oof did somebody do the walk of shame this morning?” Lux teased from behind her mug.

“It was more of an uber ride of shame” Colson smirked rounding the corner to come give her a kiss.

“Uh uh not until you brush your teeth and wash the other girl off of you” Lux held her coffee up to shield her face and Colson pretended to be hurt.

“You are so out of pocket right now. You are in Rook’s shirt with fresh hickies on your neck” She had forgotten they had gone for a round two this morning that had been rougher than last night’s antics.

“Hey first of all I’m not trying to kiss you with someone else’s fresh saliva on my tongue” Colson grimaced at her words and she continued “And secondly, by the time you’re done navigating that trashed room of yours to make it to the bathroom, which by the way is out of pocket, I will have showered, brushed my teeth, and changed”

“Fine, but afterwards I’m getting so many fucking kisses” He pointed his finger at her making her chuckle and shake her head. 

Their arrangement was weird, but it was them and it worked. She moved in with them the weekend before ESTfest which was something Casie was most excited about because now she had someone to do hair and make up with and make blueberry pancakes on weekend mornings. She didn’t quite understand the relationship between Lux, Rook, and her dad; but she loved them all so much it didn’t matter. Besides their family had always been kind of weird anyway.

[mickmarstookmyheart]

Life's a Sick Joke pt 3

Pairing: Mick Mars x Reader

Want to start from the beginning? Here is  Part 1!!

Sidenote: As this story is under construction, I would like to warn you that those chapters which don’t have a proper title are written in the main caharcter’s POV!! Be aware!!! Be awaaare! I hope you will enjoy this storyas I did writing it, have a nice day and feel free to leave marks!

3. “ I can finally apologize.”

Summary: a new chance and some food

“You hit Vince Neil???! The Vince Neil? You are crazy!” Isabelle laughed on the phone just as Dylan did. You thought she might understand your situation but she didn’t.

“Thank you, Iz. You are very helpful.” You murmured.

“You should feel lucky cause you can work with the most popular rock band in the whole continent and even the world, but instead, you kick their asses.”

“You think I did it on purpose?” You snapped while thinking back last night. Maybe that slap was a bit too harsh.

“Well, I think there won’t be any problem. They look, cool guys. Anyway, how are they? Do they seem funny or kind, sexy?” She really put an emphasis on the last one. You could only imagine her face.

“They are funny. I guess. We didn’t have the opportunity to talk a lot. They were just showing off and flirting.”

“And Mick?” You sighed. The only good part of the party was him. That conversation in the balcony, his generous and respectful behavior.

“He is cute. And I think he is someone you can rely on. He was very kind.” After saying this you heard a motorbike arriving in front of the house. You put let the phone hang in the air while you rushed to the window to see who it belonged to. You didn’t see anything, just motorbike parking beside yours.

“Elizabeth? World to Elizabeth!! Are you still there?” You heard Isabelle shouting on the phone.

“Yeah…I was just..wondering. I’m sorry, I’m here now. So what we were talking about?”

Ding-dong.

“Are you expecting somebody?” Dylan asked with a confused look.

“Nope. Hey, Izzy, I gotta go. Talk later?”

“Sure. Love you.” You hung up and the bell rang again. You were running to the door, but Dylan pushed you to the floor. With a mischievous smile, he pushed that button.

“Cooper Residence. Who is it?” He inquired with a low voice which sounded quite funny. You got up from the floor and dusted your jeans. You approached him to hear something.

“Ummm it’s Mick. Mick Mars. Is Elizabeth, there?” Your mouth dropped and your eyes widened looking at Dylan who had the exact same expression on his face.

“Hello?” Mick asked. You hushed Dylan away and push the button.

“Hey, Mick. It’s me. How did you get here?”

“On a motorbike, I guess.” Sarcastic as always.

“You know that’s not what I meant.” You rolled your eyes and wondered how the fuck did he know where you lived.

“Well, if you really want to know Doc is asking for you. He wants to discuss the issue of last night.” You panicked and glanced at Dylan who was biting his lip down worryingly.

“Give me 5 minutes.”

“I will wait here.” You put your face in your hands and shook your head. So the news actually hit Doc and if he wants to talk to you he must be quite angry. You were on the edge of crying when Dylan stood in front of you and hugged you.

“It’s gonna be okay. Don’t worry. They always got into a fight, you know that.” He tried to calm you down.

“But I’m not a drunk and high man in a bar. I’m working for them. What would happen if you hit your boss??!” You snapped.

“I guess, I will be…” He rubbed the back of his head looking away thinking.

“Fired and he may sue you, too.”

“Right. But hey, it’s not the end of the world. I will be here for you as always.”

“Thank you. The problem is that I really want that job.” You sighed.

“Got it.”

After saying goodbye to him you put your jacket on and headed downstairs when you heard someone was coming. You didn’t like your neighbors and now it wasn’t the best time for small talks so you wanted to go back to the flat but the door was locked from the inside and Dylan left the key in the knob. You heard Dylan laughing when you kicked the door.

“Let me in Dylan, please. It’s Mrs. Johnson. I don’t want to meet her and help her pack her stuff. Please.”

No answer.

“Then fuck you.” You showed your middle finger into that little hole in the door.

“Good morning, darling.” You shivered from that irritating voice and turned to her.

“Good morning, Mrs. Johnson.” You tried to smile as honestly as you could. You were about to pass next to her but she grabbed your hand. “I’m sorry, Mrs. Johnson, but I gotta go. Someone is waiting for me.”

“That raven haired handsome man in front of the house? I hope he is not a rocker hooligan. You know I hate them.”

“Yeah, I’m aware of that.” She always tells you every fucking time you meet.

“Would you be so kind and help me bring my heavy heavy bags to the 5th floor? I’m weak and tired.” First, you sighed thinking about poor Mick who was waiting for you, though you got an idea.

“And what if my brother helps you with that? He is at home. He is willing to help you, I’m sure.” With a mischievous smile, you knocked on the door and yelled to Dylan to help her. You said goodbye to Mrs. Johnson and ran down the stairs.

“Five minutes, huh?” He asked you crossing his arms and leaning on his bike.

“Sorry. Old lady issues.”

“Just not the weird-looking, Christian lady with the bags?”

“You just described her whole life.” You put your helmet on and Mick got on the bike.

“What are you waiting for?” Mick asked and after starting the engine.

“Umm…” You bit your lip down and looked at your bike then back to him.

“Ohh for the fuck’s sake, just sit behind me already. Goddamn.” He huffed. Why the hell he acted like this?

“Chills, man. Nothing happened. You know I’m not a mind reader.”

“Luckily.” Mick murmured so only he could hear it. If you knew what Mick’s mind was on…

You were about to set off when you heard someone say your name.

“Yo, Elizabeth!” Dylan yelled from the window.

“What?” His answer was his middle finger. Muhaha. You simply showed him yours and snickered.

“Wow. What a beautiful sibling moment!” Mick said before leaving.

He started the engine, you put your hands on his waist and set off. It was a bit strange not driving but it felt comforting to be this close to him. Any time he jammed it, you hugged him even more. To be honest, you were a bit afraid.

“Are you okay in the back?” Mick yelled back.

“Why?” You opened one of your eyes to see if you are still alive. To your surprise you still were.

“I dunno, maybe because we are waiting for the green light and I can’t even feel my stomach. Not that I’m complaining.” You didn’t even notice that you were clenching onto him this strongly. You immediately pulled away from your hands.

“Sorry. You know, I’m not very used to be the passenger on a motorbike. And your driving style is a bit…” You hesitated a bit to tell him.

“Wild?”

“Yap. You are on the wild side.” He chuckled.

“Sounds like the title of a new song. Wild side. I like it.”

“I’m glad you like it. But can we go? A lot of people behind us are honking.”

“You think I care?”

You set off so fast you almost fell off. You pressed your lips together and closed your eyes. Your heart was racing and your fingers were almost white from gripping Mick’s jacket. When you finally arrived there you quickly got off the bike and stretched your legs and arms.

“I’m not gonna sit behind you ever again. I would rather travel on a bus full of old ladies.” You ranted while taking off your helmet.

“Well, you have to decide fast cause we are far from your home.” And with that, he approached the building and opened the door. He didn’t enter, instead, he was staring at you. You just stared back.

“What?” You asked him not really understanding the situation.

“Language. Your parents didn’t teach you? Instead of ‘what’ try using 'Excuse me?’. Sounds more polite.” He was treating you like a kid. And you didn’t like that. He treated you if yesterday didn’t really happen. Quite a moody guy.

“My parents taught me nothing, but how to live in constant fear.” You said it to more like yourself. You made a face and turned to him. “Excuse me?” Repeated him with the same tone and grinned.

“Ladies first.”

In the elevator, it was just him and you, along with awkward silence.

“So why did you came for me? Why didn’t Doc called me instead?” You asked him curiously rubbing your elbow with your other hand. Mick thought you would ask this but didn’t really want to tell you the truth.

“Cause I didn’t want you to drive when you are freaked out when you get fired.” He joked, but he just managed to make you stressed.

“He will axe me?” You started to panic.

“I don’t know. Maybe.” He grinned at you.

“Don’t tease me, please!!” You truly started to worry and you were biting your nails now. He stepped closer and simply pat your back. What is this back-patting with males? Maybe it works for them but not on women!

You sighed and get out of the elevator when you arrived. You stood in front of the door and hold your hand up to knock but you didn’t. Mick’s heart just seeing you like this, but he knew what will happen so he didn’t worry at all. Finally, you knocked on the door and Doc opened it with a big smile.

“Good morning. Good to see you.” He invited you in so you entered. When you looked around you saw Vince sitting on one of the chairs. He was wearing sunglasses and his feet were on the table. Rude.

“Hey, Vince.” You said shyly. You weren’t angry at him, at all. You were just ashamed. He turned to you without saying a word. You weren’t expecting anything else, to be honest.

“Take a seat, please.” Doc offered and you sat in front of him.

“So, why did you want me to come here?” You asked nervously. Mick took a seat behind you and was sending death glares towards Vince.

“There are a couple of things I want to discuss with you. Well, first of all about last night.” He put his hands on the table and leaned closer to you. Although he didn’t look angry at all.

“What do you want to know?” You were still hoping he didn’t know anything. There was still an itsy-bitsy hope.

“That you fucking hit me!! Me!!!” Vince stood up and took his glasses down. He was pointing at his face so you see your result. It looked pretty bad.

“Calm down, Vince. Let me take care of this!” Doc spoke up. Vince just huffed and sat back in the chair.

“Yeah. I did hit you.” You admitted. “Cause you wanted to kiss me, ignoring my will that I didn’t want to.” Doc looked shocked, so you thought he didn’t even know that part of the story. You felt your blood boil realizing this.

“There is no such thing that someone doesn’t want to kiss me. At least girls. It’s me we are talking about.” Vince opened his arms and was gesturing.

“But not everything is about you. It’s hard to believe, I know.” You snapped and heard Mick laughing.

“Don’t dare to laugh, old man.” Vince yelled.

“Don’t dare to say that again, you fucking teenager.” Mick threatened back.

Vince was pretty fed up now.

“Let’s calm down, boys. Mick, Vince can you be so kind and get the fuck out? Thank you.” Doc inquired with a big fake smile and sighed after they closed the door.

“So now that they can’t interrupt our conversation, I can finally apologize.”

You stared at him with big eyes and couldn’t believe what he had just said.

“Excuse me?” You asked like a dumb.

“I would like to apologize for what that moron did to you. I hope you are not going to sue him.” You just blinked at him in disbelief.

“No…not really. I didn’t even think about that. To be honest, I was sure you would fire me now.” You told him and this time Doc’s face was in confusion.

“Firing you? Oh no. I’m glad someone refused him. Hopefully, he will be not so selfish anymore.” He said though he didn’t really believe it neither nor you.

“I don’t think so.” You burst out laughing.

“You are probably right but hope for the best. Anyway, if one of those idiots harass you again please don’t hit them. Come to me and I will discuss it with them. I don’t want their pretty face to be ruined for the show.” He said in a serious tone and you were glad that you could keep your job and you had someone you can rely on during work.

“Yeah, I got it. And I’m sorry for causing trouble, it wasn’t my intention.” You apologized giving him a small smile.

“I know, kid. These boys can be a pain in the ass. By the way, there is one more thing I would like to ask.”

“And what is it?”

“Would you mind doing the photoshoots for the tour and the album cover? The photographer who would do that had other things to do and I thought that it would be a pretty good opportunity to test you. But only if it’s not a problem.”

WHAT? You were sure you would be fired by now, but no. You will do the album cover and the photos for the posters!!!

“Are you kidding me? Of course, I will do that. It’s a big thing.” You were smiling and were truly happy.

“Then see you tomorrow. And be patient with them.” He said before you got up from your chair and shook hands with him. He winked and you said goodbye. After closing the door you leaned on the wall and let out a long breath.

“I hope you are fired,” Vince whined.

“What the fuck do you think?!” You glanced at him and tried to say it with the same tone as he always did.

“That’s my line!” He ranted and crossed his arms looking like an angry kid.

“It’s her habit. She also used my mine.” Mick added and pretended to be offended. With a big eye roll, you walked to the elevator and stepped in. You were about to push the button when you realized they were still standing there.

“Aren’t you coming?”

“I’m not gonna be in such a small place with you.” Vince huffed.

“Then have a great time while going down the stairs!” You smiled and waved to him while Mick stood beside you.

“So what’s your plan?” He asked to break the silence between the two of you.

“Well, I have to prepare for tomorrow. First and foremost, mentally.” Your thoughts were already running in your head, compositions, and everything.

“Are you excited?” Mick wasn’t really if you were since your face was blank as a white paper and you hardly said anything.

“A bit.” Mick turned to you questioning your statement. He raised one of his eyebrows and tilted his head a bit.

“Okay, I’m super excited!!” You were grinning and finally Mick relieved, too.

“It won’t be a usual shooting. These picks will gonna be everywhere and millions of fans will see it. So it should be perfect. The angles and the lights.” You started gesturing with your hands while explaining and almost hit Mick a couple of times. “The thematic of them and the background and…what is it?” Mick was gazing you with his beautiful eyes of his.

“Nothing. I just like listening to people who are this passionate about their jobs or hobbies.” He was smiling down at you. You could feel your cheeks blushing so you tried to look away, but in such a small place it was a bit difficult. You could feel his breath while talking. You didn’t notice he was this close to you and you hardly know what to do. The party was a different story. He was obviously drunk. Your hands were shaking and you were afraid that he would hear your heart pounding. When his hands touched yours you closed your eyes. It sent shivers down your spine so you took a shaky breath to calm down. After a couple of minutes which felt like ages, you finally arrived at the ground floor and Mick let you step out first.

“So how are you planning to go home? Since you are not willing to ride my bike.” Mick asked while approaching his bike.

“I suppose I will find a booth and tell Dylan to pick me up in his car.” Mick didn’t think that you would find a solution this easily. He just hummed and got on his motorcycle. You saw the disappointment in his eyes and that he put him 'I am an emotionless person and I will kill you if you talk to me’ face.

“Hey, aren’t you hungry? Because I haven’t eaten anything today and I could eat instead of two.” You tried to smile and fix the things you screwed up.

“I know a place.”

                                  ∆

“How can you eat that? It’s disgusting.” Mick was looking at you in horror while you were eating your bread with Nutella and bacon.

“Have you tried? Even once?”

“Don’t need to.” You sighed loudly and tossed them in front of him. He was just staring at them in disgust.

“Oh come on. Don’t be a pussy. How do you know if you haven’t tried it?”

“Well, I know that jumping from a plane without isn’t good whereas I haven’t tried it yet.” You were pouting and was staring at him with puppy eyes. “Goddamn. Give it to me!”

He took it into his mouth and started to chew it. You bit down your lips while waiting for his reaction.

“So?” You asked.

“It’s still bad.” You looked away sadly and took them back.

“Well, then more will remain for me. So you should feel bad. You deprived of this delicious masterpiece.”

“BUT, not bad as I thought.” Mick snickered.

“I fucking knew it. Oh sorry, I mean, I did know it.” You looked like a drama queen. You placed one of your hands on your forehead and closed your eyes. “Sir, I regret saying that one particular word. I should’ve used other choice of words. Can you please forgive my ignorance?”

“You are forgiven, my lady.” Mick shook his head and disbelief and looked around if anyone was staring at your little role play.

“Oh thank you, my Lord. You are way too kind for this world.” You were still in character.

“Okay, now you can stop it.” Mick started to feel embarrassed. You were simpering at him and you were sure you could see an itsy-bitsy small in the corner of his mouth.

“So, are you learning acting at university?” He asked after asking the waiter for the bill.

“How do you know I’m attending university, at all?” You didn’t remember if you ever mentioned that to him. You only told him about Isabelle.

“I did some research.” Mick lied.

“Really?” Now it was your turn to look at him not believing a word he said.

“Okay, I didn’t.” He admitted. “Doc told me when he wanted to meet you that he needed the nerd girl to speak to. So, I assumed that you are attending to university.” Not just beautiful, but clever as well.

“Smart. And no, I’m learning commerce and marketing.” You told him, still asking yourself why you had to choose that.

“Sounds interesting. And do you like it?” He hummed narrowing his eyes to decide if you were saying the truth.

“Do I look like who is about to work in commerce? I hate humanity. I can’t and don’t like working with customers.”

“Then why did you choose this?”

“Because it was the least bad.”

“I see.” I could see he had thousands of questions in his eyes.

“Go on. Ask it.”

“I don’t know. I don’t want to be rude and ask personal questions.” Your life is Mick’s eyes was a little bit confusing. You didn’t really look like you have just finished uni. Your age was also a big question is his head.

“Feel free.” If you insist. But it’s impolite to ask her age. He was quite unsure about himself, mainly since he met you and it was bothering him.

“Well, I know it’s rude, but how old are for real?” He gulped waiting for you to start screaming at him that how he dared to ask this.

“27. What about you? I heard they all call you 'old man’ but you don’t really look that old.” Mick’s eyes widened and mouth dropped.

“27? I thought…you look like if you were…”

“20? Yeah, I know and I hate that I have to show my ID every fucking time when I buy a drink or go to a bar.” You rested your face in your hands while Mick was still in shock. “And what about you?”

“32.”

“See? I told you you are not that old!” Mick was smiling, he was happy someone finally not telling him he is old. “Anyway, what about if I change this shitty music? Do you want anything particular?” You looked at him while walking to the jukebox.

“You choose.”

“Okie-Dokie.” You stood in front of it and was flipping through all the music it had. Should you put in some Mötley? No, that would be childish. Kiss? Still a no. Black Sabbath!! Now that’s a big yes! The first accords of Paranoid hit you and started to dance. You fucking loved this song. You looked at Mick and gestured to him to come and dance. He held his hands up as a no.

“You are such a buzz kill.” You murmured while dancing to the beats.

Next chapter Tags: @cmft-jr-winchester @leatherandheels​

[rebeccahpedersen]

The Sad State of Toronto’s Rental Market

TorontoRealtyBlog

Tough subject today, no doubt about it.

And every time I write about the rental market, I try to tread carefully.

We all have different opinions on this subject, and whether you agree or not, I remain one-hundred percent convinced that our opinions are based on our own demographic and place in life.  I’m sure somewhere, there’s an owner of a $10 Million mansion in Toronto lamenting society’s most unfortunate, and maybe/maybe-not actually doing something about it.  But for the most part, our thoughts and opinions on something like the ability to choose a prospective tenant are shaped by where we are in our own lives, how we were brought up, and our own intrinsic value systems.

And “choosing” tenants right now, is an issue.

I’ve never seen a rental market this competitive, and I have probably said that six or seven times previously.

Properties are being leased sight-unseen, within hours of hitting MLS.  Tenants are “bidding” over the asking price, submitting 4-6 months’ deposit in advance, and writing personal letters to try and form a connection with the landlord.

And “offer dates” are being set for rentals.

Let me say that again, in case you’re skimming: offer dates are being set for properties on MLS for lease.

Check out this MLS listing for a midtown rental:

Is that insane, or what?

That’s for a lease listing!

But what can you do, if you’re the listing agent?  You’re truly damned if you do, damned if you don’t.

If you simply accept the first  offer that comes through, you piss off 50 other prospective tenants and their agents.  If you hold an “offer date,” then you’re a greedy, egotistical jerk who is getting high on the power of being a listing agent in a frenetic market.

I recently put a condo up for lease for an investor-client, and the response was mind-blowing.  I was inundated with showing requests the moment the listing went up on MLS – probably 20 the first day alone, not to mention a dozen emails from Realtor.ca.

And this is where things get dicey for both the landlord and the listing agent.

I believe in the free market.

I also believe there is far too much government intervention in our lives, and I also believe the world is absolutely off its rocker with political-correctness and bending-over-backwards to acquiesce to every social cause.  Like that guy, John, who once told you that you had ugly cuticles.  So nobody in North America should be permitted to name their child “John” ever again, and furthermore,  we should insist that every individual on the planet wears gloves at all times, to not alienate those people with bad cuticles.  If said person was on the TTC, and saw a beautiful hand, he or she might feel like a lesser being, and thus we should all wear gloves, all the time.

And so on.

But somewhere in all this cynicism, and within my own resistance to this new world we live in, we risk becoming like many other parts of the world, where the racists, bigots, and haters have been given a voice, a platform, and support.

Which brings me to today’s Toronto rental market.

As I said above, there simply has to be an intersection of a landlord/investor/owner/risk-taker protecting his or her investment and asset, and adhering to legal guidelines, and acceptable societal behaviour.

Ask ten different people what is “acceptable societal behaviour,” and you’ll get ten different answers; probably three hovering around the middle-ground, two on either sides, and then two both at complete opposite ends of the spectrum, representing conflicting ideologies.

I’ve written about rental discrimination so many times on this blog, that if you Google, “rental discrimination Toronto realty blog,” no fewer than eight links will appear, in a row, with links to blogs I’ve written on this topic.

But here are again.

So as is often the case on this blog, I want to turn this around to the readers, and ask for input.  I want to give you the details of five inquiries I received on this 600 square foot, 1-bedroom, 1-bathroom condo, and have you tell me if you think that a landlord would be discriminating against the potential tenant if the landlord said “no,” or if the landlord has a right, in those cases, to choose who he or she wants.

Three of these are text messages, and two are phone calls which are as close to verbatim as I can provide.

Inquiry #1:

“Hi David, would your landlord consider renting to two couples?  I know that might be a bit unorthodox, but they’re two wonderful, lovely young couples, hard-working, not party-goers, who lived together in a house away at school and want to stay together.  One couple would be in the bedroom and one couple would be in the den/dining area, which could really be its own little nook away from the TV and kitchen.  Let me know, they’re such a lovely couple, please consider them!”

–

Inquiry #2:

“My client is UOFT student who will pay three months rent prepaid looking for 16months lease term for school but no reference or employment or credit.”

–

Inquiry #3:

“I have a single mother to two children who is moving here from abroad.  Would you consider a single mother with two children from abroad? thank you”

–

Inquiry #4:

“My clients are both new to the city and will be looking for work immediately (currently living here, renting AirBnB, on the job hunt) but can provide references, credit scores, and pay stubs from their last jobs.  They could provide three months rent up front and one parent could co-sign (lives in Sarnia) if needed but they would prefer not to.”

–

Inquiry #5:

“Husband is relocating for work.  Wife stays home there is one child. There is mother too but they all live together now in smaller place than this. Beautiful condo they would cherish this opportunity.”

–

Halfway through writing the above, I realized this almost seems formulaic; like a test.

I assure you, these are (in some cases, copy-and-paste), verbatim.  These are only five of the inquiries I selected, because I had the same general inquiries multiple times, and because a few of the inquiries were totally normal.

Oh, wait.  With that last line, I guess I tipped my hand.

“….a few of the inquiries were totally normal.”

Which means that I believe the above inquiries are not normal, and thus somewhere in the city right now, a TRB-reader is angrily ripping off that Toronto Realty Blog belly-top, and replacing it with a Raptors/Mastercard giveaway t-shirt that was shot out of a cannon in 2015.

Well, crap.

If it makes you feel any better, I would actually call the five inquiries above “the new normal,” because they represent most of what we see out there these days.

And I’m not saying what I would or wouldn’t do if I were the landlord.  But I will say that most of my landlords are looking for the proverbial “perfect tenant,” whatever that means to them.  You can throw accusations here all you want – suggest the sex, race, age, employment status et al of the “perfect tenant,” but this is the entire point of this blog!

What does society out there, today, in an ever-changing sociopolitical and socio-economic climate, think of the way our rental market works?

You guys are anonymous, so tell me what you think.  Would you spend $500,000 on a rental property, to turn around and rent to an 18-year-old who has no job, no income, no references, no credit score, no guarantor, and no family on this continent?

And further to the point, is my even asking this considered “racist” by today’s standards?

Fifty-dollar follow-up question: for those that are taking the defensive position here, do you think that the government should somehow mandate, or regulate, what types of tenants “qualify,” and where?  Is there a scenario in which the above candidate, with no job, no income, no references, no credit history, and no guarantor, would be considered a “suitable” tenant, by law, and whereby a property owner couldn’t refuse them?

Because I think that’s where all this may be headed.

The PC Party in power throughout the Province might not get us there right away, but there’s an incredible housing shortage in the city of Toronto, rents have skyrocketed and show no signs of levelling off, let alone going down, builders are price-fixing (as per my blog post from last month, HERE), and something has to give.

I meant what I said above: it’s a sad state that the rental market is in, and I won’t pretend to have the answers.

But the other side of the equation here that we have yet to explore is expectations.

Is it realistic for a group of four people to rent a 1-bed, 1-bath condo?

Does a family of four truly expect to rent a 1-bedroom condo?

Some will be quick to point out that there are places across the globe where three full families can live in 600 square feet!  But if that’s not the norm here, then what do we make of similar expectations?

Should the unemployed expect to encounter little to no resistance from a landlord?

What’s realistic anymore?

It’s worth noting here, since the question will undoubtedly be raised, that in response to all five of the inquiries above, as well as every other inquiry I ever receive, I say the following: “I can’t speak for the landlord, it’s their decision to make.  They would need an offer and all accompanying documentation in order to make a decision.”

What else would I say?

Because it’s not my decision.  I can advise, and I can opine, but the decision isn’t up to me, so when somebody asks “Would your client, A, B, and C,” I have to check with the landlord-client first.

Some agents get upset, and respond, “Well I don’t want to waste my time showing the condo if your clients wouldn’t accept my tenant.”  And then we’re right back in a bind, aren’t we?  The landlord and the tenant; the chicken and the egg.  The landlord can’t make a decision without actually receiving an offer and supporting documentation, but the tenant and/or agent doesn’t want to spend time looking at the condo without an answer in advance.

Blame the landlord and/or listing agent (ie. me) for not being more forthcoming.  Blame the tenant for being lazy.  Take your pick.

It’s lose-lose, either way.

And I’m seeing a lot of loosing in today’s Toronto rental market.  People almost come to expect failure, which once again, can only be described as sad.

So give me your two cents on the scenario’s above, and let’s try not to hit below the belt…

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