#that I knew I was going to be making this piece for this October project way back in like. February

[birbhouse-doodles]

When someone believes in you, man, you can do anything, any fucking thing in the entire universe. And when you believe right back in that someone, then watch out, world.

Ok I gotta be honest. I went into Christine expecting, at best, a good bad movie that I'd enjoy laughing at. Hee hoo haunted car go brr how silly

...but then I ended up completely unironically loving it

(scary movie artober #2/10)

[swampstew]

It's October! SPOOPY TIME ~ *throws ghost shaped confetti* ~ I am so excited to start this fun event! Reminder that this is a costume contest that YOU can vote in on October 29~ Vote for my mans, he worked really hard🥺

Character: Eustass "The Sexiest Captain" Kid Summary: Kid is going to steal the show away with his costume. He's a known murderer after all, and he's going to slay this contest as this villain everyone loves to hate. Word Count: 1,031

“OI! KILL! Get in here!” Eustass Kid angrily yelled from his room. He stared at his hulking form in the floor length mirror he had stolen from some place or another, eyeing the material laid over his body as he tried to piece together his idea.

The door pushed open as his best friend came through, hauling some pieces of metal behind him. Piling it next to Kid’s desk, Killer finally sized the redhead up, tilting his head as he inspected the idea Kid was toying with.

“When you said you wanted to be Sauron, I kind of assumed you’d go all in with an impressive armor -plated outfit. The helmet is coming out fine and I got the materials for the spikes but…what exactly are you trying to do here?”

Kid rolled his eyes, “It’s a costume CONTEST, Killer. I need to appeal to all of the judges.”

“I see. So you’re going for…skanky horror?”

“More like monstrously fuckable.”

“Well you’re on the right track. I’ll leave you to it.”

With a nod, Kid took the helmet prototype off his head, pulled the metal sheet plates from his body, and stepped out of the floor-length mesh skirt he pinned together.

His plan was to go as his favorite character. The baddest bastard in all of literature – Sauron Thee Lord of the Rings. He already knew the judges had personal tastes and preferences, and if he could hit all of them he knew he’d be the undisputed winner. Alvida liked to gawk, Buggy liked flashy, Mihawk liked weapons, and Crocodile just showed up for the party but had a soft spot for the classics.

The contest was in a few weeks so there was no time to fuck around. With a determined look on his face, Kid gathered his scraps and blueprints, spread his materials on the long work table, and grabbed his hammer to begin flattening the steel.

Strike upon strike echoed in his room as Kid worked. First, he flattened the metal sheets and used his body to shape the plates of his armor around his muscles, making sure to bend the metal to heavily emphasize the contours of his jagged edged form. When all the individual, scandalously modified armor components were formed, he welded the units together to create his costume – it consisted of: an extreme crop top plackart with connecting pieces for the pauldrons, couters, vambraces, spaulders, and rerebraces; tassets and extremely short cuisses that stopped mid-thigh for his groin; greaves for his legs; the helmet and bevor; the mace; and jagged additions to his sword.

Next was making the imposing spiky pieces that decorated the helmet, shoulder plates, thigh plates and shoes. Kid took thicker pieces of metal and manipulated their shapes to his design: long, wicked looking slats that could slice you up if you didn’t watch out. He also made spindly spikes in varying sizes, making much more than he would probably end up needing. Kid then soldered each addition to the base of the armor; the smell of iron, tin, and fire leaving a heavy odor in the air that lingered even with all the windows open.

The weeks passed as he worked on his project a little every day, determined to meet his deadline and take home the prize. Kid poured his sweat and blood into shaping, sanding, buffing, smoothing, shining, painting, and sealing each individual piece of his costume. The only time he asked for help was when he needed Heat to sew fabrics together. Kid might be able to bend metal to his will but not even he could thread something as small as string to needle with his thick, clunky fingers.

At long last the day of the costume contest arrived. The crew was pre-gaming and helping each other dress for the party. Kid didn’t want anyone to see him until he was fully dressed, locking himself in his room to shower and get ready.

With freshly dried hair that he didn’t bother to style, Kid placed his trusty welding goggles on his bed as he looked at his outfit. With a confident grin, the redhead dropped his towel to the floor.

Slipping on the first layer, Kid pulled tight black shorts over his underwear, the ends of the cotton spandex shorts had been sewn together with the mesh fabric to create leggings that he could tuck into his amor-plated sabatons. He pulled on a long-sleeved, extreme crop top made of the same cotton spandex and mesh, which did nothing to hide his nipples. Eyeing the way the mesh made his muscles look, Kid started the next layer.

Pulling up the tassets that were reminiscent of his belted war kilt, the cuisses sat comfortably over his thighs and looked menacing with the slats and spikes, as did his greaves. Over his torso he put on the customized plackart – it ran down to his forearms right over the mesh, covered his collarbones but stopped short just above his pecs. Stepping into the metal plated boots, Kid’s outfit was nearly complete.

With a quick hand, Kid swiped on burgundy lipstick and heavy, smoky black eyeshadow. From the closet he pulled out the new fur cloak he had Killer dye from maroon to black, snapping the clasp in place to hang from the backs of the pauldrons, between where the jagged spikes were soldered into the steel. Brushing his hair back he slid the helmet over his face, the generous gaps in the visor were just enough to show a passing glance of his makeup. Taking a step back, he pulled out a bottle of posing oil to make his exposed muscles gleam, rubbing it deeply into his skin.

For the final touch, Kid picked up 10 pointed claw rings he made with the extra metal he had, sliding each over his fingers where they sat snugly. Grabbing his sword and mace, he walked back to the mirror and gave himself a final verdict.

Frightening. Deadly. Slutty. Scary.

Perfect✨

With a grin and some badass poses, he took a few selfies with the cam-snail before he left the room. Roaring out to his crew, “Alright let’s crash this party Kid Pirates style!”

[skelobun]

I wanna be yours (pt 4)

Ellie x overachiever/artsy!reader

Summary: You have always “hated” Ellie, but that seems to be changing now…

Part 3 Part 5

Not proof read, tell me if you find mistakes

As you go to Ellie’s house again, you can’t help but notice how you on keep thinking about her.

You already thought about her plenty, but this time was different…

It felt different..

It felt…nice? To say the least.

You didn’t know what it was, but it felt fluffy.

You finally made it to Ellie’s house, you do your normal routine.

You walk in, greet Joel, then greet Ellie and then go in the garage to paint.

Today, Ellie seemed more talkative with you.

[Bold means Ellie is speaking]

“Hey, your art is.. looking great” she said, sounding a little shy.

“The way you say that makes it sound like it’s actually bad” you say, obviously joking.

“No! No! I was just.. uh..” she seems nervous.

“Hey, you ok? You seem a little.. scared?”

“Nah, I’m good, just worried about.. the project you know?”

“Yeah, I know what you mean, don’t worry, you’ll do great, your art looks great”

Ellie chuckles, her face glows as she smiles. Her smile was something you always seem to have admired.

“You seem so soft, what’s goin’ on with you, hm?”

“Oh come on, I’m just trying to be nice here, would you rather me be mean?”

“No, I like this version of you better”

“You seem to be hating me less, too, so thanks”

Ellie looks at you confused.

“Hate you? What do you.. I never hated you?”

You look at her, confused. As you put your paint brush down, you continue to look at her.

“Wait.. you actually hated me? I thought we were, I don’t know.. just joking around, or somethin’?”

“We don’t hate each other?”

“No? I think?”

You stay silent, picking up your paintbrush again and continuing to paint.

“Y/N”

“Hmm?”

“Do you remember when we had that math test a few months back, and you got 95% and I got 90%?”

“Yeah? Why?”

“I actually got a 98% on that test”

“Why’d you lie? And why bring this up now?”

“I just want you to know something Y/N, I’ve never actually hated you. I lied that day because I wanted to see you smile. The smile that I’ve admired all these years”

You look at her, still staying silent.

“I’m bringing this up now Y/N because I don’t want you to think I actually hated you..”

[October, 14th]

“Y/N, here’s your test, and Ellie here’s yours” your math teacher tells you, placing a piece of paper on your desk.

You turn your paper around to see a 95% written in red marker.

Ellie asks you “what’d you get?”

“A 95%” you say with an overly confident tone.

Ellie groans and says “shit, I got a 90%..”

You smile and then silently cheer to yourself, proud that you got a higher mark than Ellie.

[Now]

As you leave Ellie’s house, you start to feel bad.

Ellie never hated you.

Dina was right about Ellie.

Ellie was never against you, but you just assumed she was because of the way she acted around you. You feel the need to apologize to her.

You walk into your room and grab your phone to call her.

“Hey, Ellie”

“Hey”

“We’re good right? I’m sorry if earlier was uncomfortable for you”

“Nah, don’t worry ‘bout it, it just caught me off guard, don’t worry”

You laugh from relief when you hear this.

“Ok, thanks, just making sure, bye”

You hang up the phone.

Maybe you should’ve waited for Ellie to say bye back, but you felt so awkward.

You sighed before changing into your pyjamas and laying in bed.

[at school the next morning]

You and Ellie have finally finished your art projects.

Ellie’s portrait of you is so detailed, it’s insane.

She captured details of your face that you’ve never even noticed on yourself…

The attention to detail and the colours are just so beautiful… you admire everything she’s done.

Your teacher calls you two up to her desk after class, she had given you both an A+, which had made you feel proud.

“Y/N, you did amazing as usual! You too Ellie! Keep up the great work you two, I knew it wasn’t a mistake to partner you two up together!”

You smile at your teacher and then smile at Ellie, but when you do this, she looks away. You feel your smile fade away quickly as you notice this.

You leave the classroom, trying not to overthink what just happened.

As you walk into your next class, you can’t help but think if what you told Ellie yesterday might’ve caused her to act like this.

This class is the only one Ellie isn’t in. Usually you’d be so happy that she isn’t in this class, but this time you want her to be there with you. You take your seat and listen to your teacher for the next hour.

When you get to your next class you see Ellie talking to Dina. You walk up to her and she notices.

You smile at her and she gives a small smile.

“Hey” you say, still smiling at her.

“Hey”

“You ok?”

“Yeah, don’t worry”

Ellie turns around and walks to your guys’ next class. You follow her and sit right beside her in class.

She seems to notice this and even though she tries to hide it, you notice her warm smile appear back on her face.

[after school]

You hear the doorbell ring.

You weren’t expecting anyone and it was way too early for your mom to come home.

So you run downstairs from your room and open the door. Although, when you open it you see someone you didn’t expect to see.

Ellie.

“Ellie? What’re you doing here..?” You ask in confusion.

She opens her mouth as if she’s trying to say something, but then she hesitates and you see her cheeks slightly go red.

“I’m so sorry that I was being off earlier.. I was just thinking a lot, y’know?” She says, looking down, not wanting to look in your eyes.

“Hey, it’s ok, don’t worry!” You say with a smile.

“Do you want to come in? To maybe talk about it?” You move out the way as a way of telling her to come in.

She nods and walks inside.

She removed her shoes and you tell her to follow you to the kitchen. She sits down on a chair that was tucked into the dining table.

“Do you want some tea or anything? I don’t really have any food to give you…” you joke, trying to lighten the mood.

“It’s fine..” she says, sounding upset.

You sit down on the chair in front of her.

“You wanna talk about something? You seem so upset..” you ask her.

Ellie’s head is still lowered, as if she is unable to look at you.

“Ellie?” You say to get her attention.

She seems so off.

“Hey, Ellie?” You repeat yourself.

She looks at you, she seems to be tearing up now.

Even though she’s not talking, you know she’s upset.

Ellie rests her face in her hands and starts crying. You never expected Ellie to come to you for comfort, but you don’t mind it.

You rub her back in an attempt to comfort her.

“Do you wanna talk about it?” You ask her.

She nods no and stops crying.

“Sorry.. I didn’t come here to cry.. I just..” she pauses, it’s obvious she has something bothering her, but she just doesn’t want to talk about it.

“Hey.. how about we watch a movie or something? Maybe that can cheer you up?” You offer Ellie and she nods.

You smile and guide her to your living room.

She sits on the couch and you grab the remote to turn on the TV.

You two decide to watch Jurassic World together, you put this movie on knowing that Ellie is a big fan of dinosaurs. The only reason you knew this is because Ellie has dinosaur pins on her backpack and when you went over to her house you saw multiple books on dinosaurs placed around her garage.

During the movie Ellie tells you facts about the different dinosaurs that are appearing on the screen.

“I didn’t know you liked dinosaurs this much!” You laugh when she tells you a fact about the triceratops on screen.

She rolls her eyes jokingly.

“I’ve loved dinosaurs ever since I was a kid!” She exclaims.

“For my birthday Joel brought me to a museum and I saw a bunch of dinosaurs! It was great!” She says, smiling brightly.

“Oh! Oh! And there was even a whole exhibit on space! I loved that part” the more the speaks the more happier she looks. You’ve never seen someone look so happy while talking about something.

She looks so beautiful when she’s excited like this.

Your thoughts about how beautiful she is causes you to blush slightly.

Ellie notices this and her face blushes as well as she smiles. She doesn’t point it out, but you know she notices it.

You both continue to watch the movie, watching in comforting silence.

You check the time, it’s 8:45 PM and the movie had ended. You didn’t realize it, but halfway through the movie Ellie had fallen asleep and she was leaning on your shoulder.

You go to tell Ellie something before realizing that she was on your shoulder, fast asleep.

You don’t want to wake her up, so you stand as still as you can. You feel your face heat up and your palms start sweating.

She looks so peaceful when she’s fast asleep. You can’t help but smile as you look at her.

You’re glad to see her like this, especially after she was crying almost two hours ago.

You lean your head on hers, still smiling. As you do this, you shut your eyes and drift off to sleep with her.

___________

Making at least 1-2 more parts!! This is a little shorter than the other parts

[thisbuildinghasfeelings]

2023 Writing Cross Stitch Round Up

Thank you for tagging me @ladytessa74 and @alrightbuckaroo

I'm pretty proud of my cross stitch journey this year! 20 finished pieces since April!

April

911 Lone Star- my first Lone Star cross stitch project, created with an image of the Lone Star logo and a free pattern generator I found online. It had been a couple years since I had done any cross stitching. Working on this one was a bit of a painful week because it involved the reestablishment of my stitching calluses on my fingers.

I'm a fireman, our codes are like...fire!- The first in a series where I took a quote from the show and went on Etsy to find a pattern for some kind of image that I thought worked well with the quote. At this point, I didn't have the confidence (or the software) to come up with my own more complex patterns.

Sure, ma'am, but just so you know, I am a homosexual-Still one of my favorites. However, it was early in my cross stitching journey, so when I look at it, a few major mistakes jump out at me. This is such an excellent quote that I think I want to do an improved version at some point.

Is the lizard back?-I did this one in honor of Lou II after I found a perfect bearded dragon pattern available on Etsy.

Firefighters, you really are a smug bunch-I really like this one. I found a firetruck pattern on Etsy and modified it a bit, including changing the number on it to 126.

May

I was peckish and I wanted pudding- This is a simple one, but I created the pattern myself. From the second I heard this line, I knew it had to be a cross stitch.

It absolutely wrecks people- Cow eyes. I like this one except for the fact that I took a horrible picture of it. I think I finished it at night and was so excited to post that I couldn't wait for daylight to get a brighter picture. It's always a struggle to get a picture that's bright enough but also doesn't have the shadow of my phone across it. Luckily, since then I've discovered the perfect place in my house to take cross stitch pictures, even at night!

Did you know that honeybees pollinate a third of our food supply?- I was originally going to have four little honeybees on this one, but the finale had just aired and I was dying to get going on my planned Tarlos vows project, so it ended up just getting one bee.

June

Working on stitching the vows.

July

Tarlos wedding vows- It took 7 weeks and a comically large hoop, but I got it done. I mapped out this pattern before I had pattern making software meaning I did it by hand with pencil and paper. Plotting out the words, making sure everything was centered, making sure it would all fit, etc was quite an ordeal!

Tarlos proposal- This was the first pattern I created with my new pattern making software and it's still one of my favorites. It's love ❤️

126 Firehouse- I was incredibly proud of myself for this one. It was the most elaborate pattern I had created on my own up until that point.

August

Typical TK- I really like this one but I didn't include the full quote for simplicity's sake (leaving out the "of course") and I kind of regret that now.

We make a pretty good team-This one did not turn out the way I saw it in my head, so there were moments that I kind of hated it. Ultimately, I'm ok with it.

September

Working on my elaborate tarloft dining area project.

October

You Have All of Me, Carlos-This is without a doubt my favorite thing I've ever made. It took about 6 weeks and is the most elaborate pattern I've created to date.

November

This is real- A quote from @ladytessa74's incredible fic for her birthday.

Tyler Kennedy Strand-My best attempt at capturing the essence of TK.

Lone Star Christmas Tree Ornaments-4 stitched ornaments for my Lone Star-themed Christmas tree.

Well, he's a wise ass- A piece in honor of my favorite wise ass.

Season 1 Tarlos- The first in my cute little Tarlos series. I love tiny TK and Carlos very much.

December

Season 2 Tarlos-Cute little Tarlos part 2.

I will have at least one more (and maybe two) still this month. Season 3 Tarlos will definitely be finished before the month is over, and depending on how much stitching time I have, I may even get Season 4 done.

No pressure tagging @bonheur-cafe @heartstringsduet @birdclowns @paperstorm @carlos-in-glasses @lemonlyman-dotcom @strandnreyes @fitzherbertssmolder @reasonandfaithinharmony (gif round up?)

[chansaw]

ok. here it is. the longpost i've been too lazy to actually make until just now.

so, here's what happened. the google algorithm sometimes pushes links to articles it thinks you'll like on the mobile homepage. unfortunately, google knew enough about me to put this hellish article onto my screen:

read that headline. then read it again. really, really stare at it. stare into the abyss. eventually, it will stare back. it'll whisper in your ear: "the heathers reboot was good, actually."

i read the article, incredulous. but, to my surprise... the author had somewhat of a point? it's been five years since paramount unceremoniously aired the show in october of 2018 after its premiere was delayed at least twice due to mass shootings. then after another mass shooting occurred before the final two episodes of the ten-episode long season were supposed to air, paramount hastily aired a heavily edited ninth episode and scrapped the tenth entirely. as far as i can tell, the show is not available to be streamed freely on any streaming site (not even paramount's own paramount+), though you can rent or buy it from amazon prime. maybe the author was right. maybe it was time for a rewatch and reconsideration. i wouldn't even have to spend any money; i archived all ten episodes of the show onto one of my external hard drives back in 2018, so i plugged 'er in, drank a bit of fireball, and clicked play.

after episode five, i gave up. i couldn't stand it any longer. i slammed my laptop shut and went to bed.

needless to say, i have thoughts.

right off the bat, here's the biggest thing. i wish to god that someone other than the miserable pile of sweaty skin that calls himself jason micallef had been in charge of this show. it might not have saved it from its fate, but maybe it would have been at least watchable? a modicum more entertaining? when the show was originally announced, leslye headland (who would later go on to create russian doll) was attached as showrunner. later, it was announced that micallef would be showrunner instead, although headland directed the pilot and executive produced the series.

in my honest opinion, if leslye headland had remained in creative control, this would have been a much different - and, in my opinion, better - show.

i can't help but wonder how heathers (2018) would have turned out if she had stayed at the helm. would it have marred her career so badly that netflix would have never agreed to produce russian doll? would she still be notable enough to be given charge of the newest disney plus star wars show? perhaps her decision was for the best. perhaps she knew there was no saving this project, try as she might.

and people tried!!!! during my rewatch, i was enamored by the production design and slick lighting and cinematography. some of the costume design hasn't aged well, but when it hits, it hits. i have to give credit where it's due: it is a beautifully shot and designed piece of television.

if only its actors had given half as much of a shit.

grace victoria cox (veronica) and james scully (j.d.) both attempt to replicate their predecessors' cool sense of disillusion and disenchantment in their roles, but both just come off as totally and completely bored in every scene. j.d. is supposed to be darkly charismatic, but scully has the charm of a plank of rotting wood. they lack the spark of chemistry to get the audience to feel invested in their relationship. without convincing leads to anchor it, the show has to depend upon its titular heathers.

i am, of course, in no way biased at all, in any shape or form. just saying. but one thing the article gets right is that melanie field’s performance as one miss heather chandler shines. field is fucking brilliant and her screen presence is formidable. she makes the most of every line she's given, and is at turns, ruthless, hilarious, and even (gasp) sympathetic. i am so glad she’s been booked left and right in tv shows (such as amazon's a league of their own, a spin-off with much more respect for its source material) that showcase her immense talent since whatever the fuck happened here. but i'm not biased!!!

juan barquin, the author of this article argues that viewers and critics alike both misunderstood heathers (2018). micallef's brilliant satirical messaging flew right over our heads. it had a message, goddamnit, and the misinformed masses closed their eyes and ears because they didn't want to hear it. it almost reminds me of the starships troopers discourse that is currently enveloping the app formerly known as twitter. starship troopers was nearly universally panned upon its release but is now recognized as a prescient satirical romp that targets jingoism, nationalism, and the culture of forever wars. we didn't get it back in 1997, but we do now. unfortunately, this is not the case with paramount's heathers.

the main cause of all the brouhaha around heathers (2018)'s release, barquin says, is because of its "shameless criticism of American culture, the prioritization of guns as a faulty means of defense, and the educational system’s blatant ignorance around the actual needs of students." which, sort of? it is true that a rash of killings (such as parkland and the pittsburgh synagogue shootings) spurred paramount's decision to nuke the show from existence. the show does, in fact, directly address and involve such matters. unlike the movie, the show concludes with westerburg high blown to pieces and its students all dancing in a prom in heaven. which.... yeah. you can see why that wouldn't have played out well.

(it's worth noting that daniel waters, the screenwriter behind the REAL heathers, originally planned for the movie to end this way as well. but the suits at new world studios said that audiences wouldn't like it. reluctantly, he complied.)

and i do have to admit, there are moments of brilliance. westerburg's school shooting drills involve the drama teacher storming through the halls shooting students with silly string. if you "die", you get to go to "heaven" (a brightly lit room stocked with snacks). the survivors are ushered into the dark, cramped gymnasium and complain about how all the cool kids are in heaven now. teachers' desks are stocked with firearms, because as we all know, of course, the only thing that can stop a bad guy with a gun is a teacher with a gun. it's so absurd that it works.

but for the most part, the writing is sorely lacking. it seems like the folks in the writers' room spent hours sitting around the table trying to one-up each other with quippable quips, meme-able dialogue, and banter that matched the panache and dry wit of waters' screenplay. but what we got instead was "HAHHAHAHAH, QUEEF!" it's bad. it's so, so bad. the author's claim that “[t]he show rather impressively matches the film’s comic sensibilities with consistently funny episodes that are as pleasantly cruel as they are scathingly satirical” falls flat because, for the most part, the shows satire isn’t at all scathing or sharp.

there were so many moments of the show where i felt my whole body just light up with rage. it made me just so ANGRY because i could see shells and fragments of a better version of this show peeking through. instead, what we got is a show that made alt-right chuds say this:

i think the most offensive part of the whole article, though, is barquin's attempt to liken the show to bottoms. if anything, i'd argue that bottoms works better as a spiritual successor to heathers than the rebooted heathers itself! bottoms succeeds in every way that heathers (2018) fails: punchy and quotable dialogue, characters who manage to be both archetypal and multidimensional, all set in an exaggerated and heightened sense of reality that still feels lived in and real. most importantly, all of bottoms’ actors are firing on all cylinders; in heathers (2018), most of the leads are just there to get paid. i could go on, but that's a whole other post.

frankly, it's kind of incredible that paramount launched this show as the flagship of their new tv network alongside yellowstone (which is in its final season now with spinoffs on the way). they were really, really banking on this thing to have legs. but we live in a blessed timeline where this show is condemned to an eternity of oblivion. it's a bit of a pity, though, because... the writers envisioned some sort of american horror story-esque anthology setup and teased a “french revolution” second season at the end of the last episode. i kind of want to know where they were planning to go with that.

it could've been so very.

[gaviicreates]

Why I'm starting my 2024 "temperature" blanket early...

I like October.

That could be the most basic of answers, and I definitely could leave it there. But that would not accurately explain the heart behind the year long project I'm about to start. So buckle in, if you like. Or don't; you do you.

I've known for awhile that I wanted to do a variation on a temperature blanket for 2024. The last time I did a temperature blanket was in 2017 - and it was my first! I knew for my next one, I wanted it to be a project to honor a special year. 2024 was planned since I got married in 2019. This is all probably starting to make more sense now.

So yes, I got married in October - for the sake of not putting too much of my information online I won't share the exact day, but it is mid October. And 2024 will be our 5 year anniversary. I debated working the project from January to December for the whole year, but I changed my mind to running it from Anniversary to Anniversary.

There's a couple advantages to that:

For one, I selected Toni Lipsey's linen square stitch pattern (it's also the one she is doing this year), and I worried that in effort to try to stay up to date, I'd end up cramming the largest sections in at the end of the month. Running the months from mid-to-mid, I've inherently made it more loose and forgiving of the deadlines. It's normal to get a bit behind and need to catch up, but it'll hopefully help me to not have looming end of month deadlines constantly.

The pattern

The second advantage is that I'll have a new blanket by the end of 2024! With October as a final goal, I'll have two months to catch up if I need to, make a border if I so desire, and sew the squares together. There's a lot of grace in that timeline, and I'd love to have a special afghan to gift my partner on Christmas or New Years. I mean he'll see it in progress, that's inevitable, but the finished object in its final presentation? That's so special. Right in time for cuddling up by the fire too since we are in the Northern Hemisphere.

Oh, I am also not exactly doing a temperature blanket either. I've set up daily reminders for myself to look at the sky, and I plan to use the alert not to check online for a number. I want to connect with our Earth and create a special moment each day to admire the planet we call home. My color palette is to be based on the weather and color of the sky each day - whatever the overall vibe feels like since of course it can change from hour to hour. From sunny to cloudy to rainy, and in between, the final piece will be a blend of blues and greys. Because I do, in fact, love the colors of the sky.

The yarn

It's a much smaller color palette than the first time I tried one of these, so my hope is that each of the shades will have a decent spread - certainly not equal to each other, but definitely not lost among the others. I'm adoring the greys. 😍

It's Stylecraft Special DK. I looked around out a few other acrylics and some wool and cotton blends, but ultimately it came down to care instructions and spread of colors. I most especially wanted the blanket to be easy care. We have three dogs so washing and drying were preferable in this case. I also really wanted to use a Sock-DK weight yarn so I didn't end up with a blanket the size of a house.

I did however take a gamble, buying this yarn without trying it first. I've only heard good things, which is promising. And I've received my initial shipping notification, so I am super excited for the skeins to arrive!

I've shared my color scheme above. Each square is going to be 32 rows, and at the end I will have 12 squares for that final assembly part of the project.

Project Tag is going to be #SkyBlanket2024 for any updates along the way.

I'm VERY excited for this one.

[sunnydayjackass]

Bodies

Nsfw, tw: fake blood, prop weapon

Originally when Shaun had asked you for help on a project- you'd thought about setting up, dragging equipment, shuffling props from storage, fetching coffees or waters.

Not near ass naked in the middle of bumfuck nowhere woods.

But when a friend asks for help, you help 'em. So there you stand in your underwear, splattered in fake blood, a prop knife in your hand, and a Purge movie themed mask adorned with LED lights. A purposely torn and tattered "Do you like scary movies" shirt is the only thing you have to protect you from the October chill as you shuffle your feet in the cool grass. "C'mon man, I'm gonna freeze out here." You whine, slumping your shoulders and head lolling as you groan. Shaun is resetting his camera and fetching a few more smoke tubes from his bag to set off.

You'd been photographing for who knows how long and that dinner you were bribed with is sounding better and better. You're ready to put your pants back on and demand your debt be paid.

"I hear you, I hear you-- the shots are great just a few more for safety." Shaun soothes and gives you a chuckle. Easy for him to say, fucker has jeans and his flannel on. Annoyance pulls at your features while Shaun carefully pulls the tube and whisps of smoke begin to erupt to set his desired ambiance. How many times you've choked coughing and potentially ruined a shot, you don't know but Shaun will definitely make a meme of it to send you.

"Okay, just like the last few." He readies the camera and by now your scowl is real, a sneer threatening to pass your lips as you stalk towards the camera. You're meant to look like you're only going to swing at but you're tempted to knock it out of his hands if you didn't know how expensive they are. The vicious cycle repeats itself a few more times before Shaun straightens to flip through the new shots. A wide toothy grin splits his lips and he gives a howl of approval. "Fuck YES, that was perfect (Name). You really nailed it in this batch." Shaun is too distracted looking through them again and again as you huff and rip the mask off your head, touselling your hair in the process.

"Great, good, fantastic--can we go now? Bad enough I gotta go out to eat looking like this but I don't want my ass getting frostbite. " you mutter, quickly stalking to his car to pull out your pants and fall coat. You hug the fabric around you before realization hits you you didn't wipe ANY of the fake blood off. "...you're paying to get my coat cleaned." You call before tugging your shoes back on.

He laughs again, unbothered by your sour mood as you join him in picking up the pieces of the set and stashing them securely in the car. Ready to turn around for the last few pieces you feel large arms wrap around you from behind and give you an affectionate squeeze. "Y'know...I really am grateful you came out here with me tonight. You really did capture what I was looking for and...well, I had a lot of fun. I hope I didn't push you too hard." Shaun withdraws enough for you to turn, hands resting on his forearms. His smile is as soft as his appreciative gaze, one eye obscured by the thick navy dipped locs.

You pout for a minute before leaning your weight against him, content and warm in his embrace. "Next time, tell me what the plan is. Or bring me a blanket and thermos between." You mutter, sour feeling beginning to desolve away under his affections. You nuzzle into him fondly, you'd always felt so comfortable with Shaun, so secure and safe, so warm and..fluttery. Inwardly you always knew you had a crushy fondness for horror enthusiast. You just didn't want to risk anything changing between you two. His friendship had gotten you through so much, his company always so inviting and kind...but

Shaun's nose brushes against your forehead, dipping a little closer. "Are you still cold?" He murmurs, lidded gaze flickering from your eyes to your lips. You're so close, pressed together and anyone would likely assume that you were a couple-heat is flushing your cheeks and even though warmth floods your system...you want more.

"...a little." You manage to breathe, your grip firmer and now on the front of his flannel shirt. Your head swims with excitement, giddy butterflies run amok in your stomach as Shaun's lips meet your own. Delicately to start, giving you slack to withdraw and change your mind. It's thrown out the window as soon as you press yourself impossibly close and move your lips against his. His hands wander to your hips and push you against the bumper of the car before lifting you slightly to perch upon it. Hands snaking up to lace themselves under Shaun's hair, you tug him closer to deepen the kiss, your eyetooth sinking into his lower lip in a teasing nip. Shaun groans, low and warning against you, fingertips massaging your thighs before parting.

He's between your legs now as his tongue dips into your mouth to map it out. How many times had Shaun thought about this? Envied Ian from afar? Too many times to count, but it all poured forth in this situation. You moan softly as Shaun parts to kiss along your jawline down to the column of your throat, nipping and latching until a soft bruise forma in its wake. Shaun's flannel smells of bonfire smoke, cedar, and vetiver. Somehow fresh and so like him you want to burrow into him further. When his hands meet the loose hem of your shirt he seems to give pause again, as if to continuing to check if you still want this. Want him.

Your hands drop to Shaun's belt loops and tug him back to you where your lips collide again- this time you leading him as you arch your back to push yourself in want. His hands electrify your nerves as they brush up your sides to ghost over your ribs before palming your chest, thumbs running teasingly slowly over your nipples. Your hips shimmy against Shaun's, seeking friction, some sort of relief to the aching throb between your legs. You'd been freezing just moments before and these embers of attraction have kindled into a full blaze. "...you wanna...?" Shaun's voice is a strained rasp over your collar, hot breath fanning out over a mottled mark that makes you keen and nod your head vigorously.

Gently you're pushed back onto the blanket bunched up in the trunk space and folded seats as Shaun's hands make quick work of your pants you'd only just put on. You lift your hips to help, excitement thrumming in your chest as the clinking of his belt buckle and rustling of denim reach your ears. Reaching between you, fingers stroke you a few times experimentally, collecting the fluid that leaks from your sex, other hand giving a few pumps to his own erect cock. The sight makes your eyes water and whimper under Shaun's lust laden gaze, affection and adoration bubbling just under the surface. "Look at you...so fucking needy..." It's a low hum as you buck your hips into his hand. The pressure, the want, the absolute need to have him pounding into you is the only thing circling your brain.

"D-don't...don't be a fucking tease..." you manage to choke out though it only serves to make Shaun chuckle a little mischievously before you feel the blunt head of his cock prod at your hole. You grip the upholstey trying to push closer with a frustrated sound before he leans over you to pin your hands above your head with ease.

"No? You sure?" Slowly he begins to sink into your tight heat, too slowly but there's little you can do but try to press your hips closer. "...if you say so." And with a jolt, Shaun's hips snap forward, bullying himself inside you to the hilt tearing a lewd moan from your throat. Full, so incredibly full, your gummy walls clench and throb against the pulsating intrusion. Hunched over you, Shaun's own breathing is ragged as he's encompassed by you. Tight and slick, trying to suck him in further. With your wrists bound with Shaun's hand. The other moves to smooth up your ribs and give a pert nipple a teasing tweak that has you jolt and clench around him "Hnng...so good...hah...didn't...didn't think you'd be so reactive." Shaun pants hotly against you.

His thrusts take a slow cadence, letting you adjust to his engorged cock as it slips in and out of you- a sight that Shaun wishes he could catch on camera. Maybe a private project for another day. He's brought back to attention as your legs hitch at his hips and lock around his lower back to coax him closer.

"...faster...faster pl-...ease." you urge, flush spreading from your cheeks down your decorated throat. Capturing your lips, tongue melding with your own, Shaun obliges beginning to buck into you at a faster clip causing some of the props to rattle. Repositioning to hold your hips, leverage to fuck you in earnest your arms string around his neck. Babbling sweet affirmations under Shaun's touch as his cock pounds deep within you-you swear you can see his bulge pushing through your abdomen. Low growls and low honeyed praise is peppered between open mouthed kisses. He wants to be close to you, have you melt into his embrace as your depths meld around his cock pumping deeper, harder- the slap of his balls against you and wet sounds of sex make you almost dizzy with pleasure as it knots in your core.

"F-fuck...so tight...'m gonna..." Shaun mutters against your lips as his brow pinches and you buck your hips desperately against his, all you can think about is cumming around your cock and he wants nothing more than to fill you to the brim. You yank him down to your mouth, his teeth nipping at your lip this time as his cock throbs with a few more pumps before spilling behind you. Fucking you through his orgasm you follow him into the throws of euphoria not long after-body seizing and walls spasming around him as pleasure floods your nerves and fills your brain along with you clenching hole.

The only sound is the labored breathing between you, the sticky feeling of sweat, cum, and fake blood between you. You're basking, warm and full, in the afterglow of your orgasm with a soft satisfied grin on your lips. Shaun still plugged inside you as you relax and stroke the back of his neck before he raises his head to press a sweet kiss to your swollen lower lip. "You good...?" He asks, worried his nipping might've been too much or fucking you too rough. You huff a little laugh and nuzzle against him, arms and legs squeezing him in a body hug.

"Better than good." You hum and a rumble of a laugh comes from Shaun who kisses over your forehead and cheeksbl sweetly. Slowly he pulls out from you, cum dribbling slightly from you, whimpering at the sudden loss but the chill of the fall air wins as Shaun helps you redress. Helping to pull yourself up and pluck you from the back, Shaun's hands rest on your hips while you work to get your wobbly knees to cooperate. You lean against him, reluctant to put space between you even if you'll be side by side in the car. "Wanna just go back to my place and order something for delivery?" You look up at him with a sneaky little smirk and Shaun squeezes affectionately again, another kiss. "And maybe some campy slasher flicks?"

"Beauty and brains huh? That's the best idea I've heard my entire life." Shaun grins, walking you to the passenger side of the car and holding the door as you slide in and he closes it. Circling around to close the trunk and slide in beside you, you and Shaun begin the ride home with his hand resting on your thigh.

[aristidetwain]

Jenny and the Gang: An Interview With Joe Macaré & Nelson Evergreen

Today, October 24th, 2023, marks the 21st anniversary of Name’s Not Down, commonly regarded as the first completed Jenny Everywhere comic story. The work of Joe Macaré and Nelson Evergreen, it was formally released into the public domain on Jenny Everywhere Day last year alongside its sequel, Damn Fine Hostile Takeover, at my own instigation.

Having managed to track down both of these highly esteemed creators — long since departed from the Jenny Everywhere community — it was then my duty and my very great pleasure to conduct the first-ever joint Jenny-centric interview of two of the honoured few who shaped the character in her infancy.

Goggles on! Shift to Interviewspace in three… two… one…

How would you introduce yourselves to Jenny Everywhere readers?

Joe: My name is Joe Macaré (he/him), and I was raised in the Midlands (UK) and now live in the Midwest (US). I work in fundraising and communications, currently for a LGBT+ rights advocacy organization.

Nelson: I’m Neil Evans, a Welsh illustrator and comic artist occasionally going by the pseudonym Nelson Evergreen. I moved back to my hometown of Wrexham, North Wales in 2017, after twenty merry years in Brighton on the south coast of England. Illustration work this year includes a version of George Orwell’s 1984 (Oxford University Press), an anthology of weird — and often terrifying — Christmas folklore from around the globe (Cider Mill Press) and a 72 page graphic novel detailing the life of Mamie Phipps Clarke, the psychologist and activist whose research with her husband Kenneth was key to the abolition of racial segregation in US schools (Magination Press).  Between jobs I’m busy with various ongoing personal labours of love, a couple of which are, after years of agonisingly glacial/troubled development, tantalisingly close to shareable. You can find me at neil-evans.net!

How did you originally learn about Jenny, and what led to your creating full comics starring the character? If those are different questions, what did you/do you like about the character — was it the open-source nature of the project? The appeal of Jenny herself as a protagonist? Something else?

J: I was active on the Barbelith message board from 2000-200something; closer to the truth to say that around the time Jenny Everywhere was created I was deeply, deeply enmeshed on that forum and in that community. It was my first internet “home” and so it’s probably accurate to say that I was initially drawn to the character because it was a Barbelith creative project and therefore something I wanted to be a part of.  But also, when Steven “Moriarty” Wintle drew that first sketch, it definitely popped. Jenny, especially with the paragraph description attached, seemed like someone I knew, or someone I would like to know. An idealized avatar in some ways, but a plausible person in others.

N: I found Barbelith not long after I began “boxsetting” The Invisibles (very belatedly, it was close to the end of the comic’s run), and got quite addicted to the forum. It was a good place.  I’d been messing about making music in bands for a few years, neglecting the illustration/comic side of things, and wanted to get back into drawing… and Barbelith happened to have lots of folk who were very good with words. So I posted a few pieces of work and asked if anyone had any comic scripts they wanted drawn, and I’m guessing Moriarty/Steven’s Jenny thread must have appeared at around that time or very shortly after..? Joe and I had certainly already touched on the idea of working together, so when Jenny appeared I think we just took it as read that that was “the one”.  With Jenny, the initial appeal for me was the very unique nature of her potential: the dozens/hundreds/thousands of different ways the character could go, depending on who’s working with her. Also, I’m generally quite content in my own company - god knows, you have to be when you’re illustrating comics - but I loved the online hubbub around her at that time. There was something really… *cosy* about knowing others were working on their own versions of this character. So that was another huge part of the appeal, that sense of community.

Even though the multiversal gimmick is one of the first things people hear about Jenny, neither Name's Not Down nor Damn Fine Hostile Takeover make any direct reference to it. Was this a conscious choice, and if so, what motivated it?

J: For my part it was a conscious choice and it had a lot to do with the kind of comics I was reading at the time and being influenced by. At the time, complicated continuities and parallel universes seemed like slightly embarrassing excesses that characterized Marvel/DC superhero comics. They were prog rock, and were being challenged by a new wave of what Oni Press called “real mainstream” indie comics. Punchy, punky, often black & white, and very self-consciously influenced more by movies, TV, and music than by superhero comics. You could put fantastical elements in there but nothing that demanded a long explanation. Now, not only did the idea of making comics without multiverses become the mainstream, so that they were more like movies and TV, turn out to be onto a losing proposition and *the exact opposite of what happened,* for better or worse, but half the star writers and comics “thinkers” of the time later turned out to be predatory creeps. Whoops! But at the time, this was the cultural scene that shaped what I wanted to write. A comic you wouldn’t be embarrassed to be seen reading at the zine fair or dance party. Of course, goody nerd that I’ve always been, I couldn’t help but include Smallville references, so any attempt to be consciously cool was always somewhat doomed.

Were there any interesting, non-obvious inspirations or references baked into these stories, that you'd like to share? 

J: Oh god, sometimes I think those scripts were nothing *but* references and it’s quite possible I’ve forgotten some of them now. I mean I’d be very embarrassed by all the Smallville references were it not for the fact that I remember that in the UK, the show was aired in the Sunday morning block which made it perfect hangover television.  Clea was named after Clea Duvall. Bradley was named the somewhat obscure 2000 AD character. I think the most obscure influence/reference is having the character Lex, who considers himself a charmer, always introduce himself by saying “Greetings!” That’s a reference to eldest son Joey in the late 1980s BBC comedy series, Bread. That one was probably only noticed by other British people my age who grew up relating greatly to a show about a working class family with an absent father who constantly worried about money. The television I watched as a kid also led to me choosing Apollo Coffee as the name of the Starbucks stand-in, Starbuck and Apollo being a reference to the original Battlestar Galactica (the reboot had not yet come along!). “Damn Fine Hostile Takeover” is obviously extremely far from a serious piece of political polemic, but I do remember consciously wanting to introduce at least a small flavor of agitprop, compared to “Name’s Not Down” which is mostly just a power fantasy about beating up needlessly aggressive doormen to get into a club. The early political “analysis” I had at the time, which didn’t go much beyond big corporate chains being bad and small local independent coffee shops being good, was obviously influenced by stuff like Naomi Klein’s No Logo. And a sort of bastardized pop culture version of that, that had showed up in things like Grant Morrison’s Marvel Boy. Oh, and a misunderstood El-P lyric. Speaking of Morrison, as befits a character created on Barbelith, that approach of “shove in references to everything you’re inspired by, watching, reading, or listening to at the particular moment you’re writing the comic” was very much inspired by Morrison in general and The Invisibles in particular. Although the Morrison comic I was most trying to emulate, at least in “Name’s Not Down” was Kill Your Boyfriend. But also, the whole reason I set those comics in a thinly fictionalized version of Brighton is because at the time, I was living in London and knew a bunch of people in Brighton (again, many of them through Barbelith, or adjacent to people I’d met via that place). They all seemed very impressive and cool to me at the time: people who put on club nights (It Came From The Sea), wrote about music (Careless Talk Costs Lives / Plan B), or on whom I just had a really big crush. I would take the train down to Brighton many weekends and it loomed large in my imagination. Although there’s no evidence of this on Google, I did not invent calling it “Right-On”: that’s another thing I stole or borrowed and can’t remember from whom or where.

How detailed were the scripts/how much freedom was there on the art end of things? Did you start from a synopsis, or a script, or a storyboard? Are there any notable ways in which the finished works differed from the original outline?

N: I can’t refer to them because I lost my copies in a hard drive calamity a couple of years later, but I remember being struck by how full of gusto and enthusiasm Joe’s scripts were. They really got me fired up to draw. The stage directions had the same infectious energy as the dialogue. I get some quite perfunctory scripts in my line of work — and that’s fine — but I do appreciate the ones that go above and beyond.  I think I’m right in recalling the scripts as being very precise..? Joe had a very clear idea of the pacing, and how the story and gags would flow from panel to panel. The dialogue was all there from the start. I remember reading through and immediately getting a clear mental picture of how it was all going to look. It was very tightly scripted but not in a way that felt restrictive, it was very free and easy to illustrate. And it gave me plenty of leeway to come up with hordes of characters/creatures in those big ensemble panels.

J: I no longer have the scripts so I’m going from memory, but: I wrote pretty detailed scripts but I definitely had panels or entire pages where I encouraged Nelson Evergreen to cut loose and add whatever details and weird characters sprang to his mind. This is as good a place as any to state that I got phenomenally lucky when Nelson agreed to collaborate. Of all the artists who were kicking around Barbelith at the time and who were at all interested in the project, he was perhaps the most talented and I certainly can’t imagine anyone else who would have drawn those comics as well, or that they would have been received as warmly had they been drawn by anyone else.

A mysterious bald man makes conspicuous cameos in both of your long-form Jenny comics. What's the significance of this character? Some of us in the Jenny Everywhere Discord suggested he might have been meant to be Grant Morrison themself, owing to the focus of the forum on which Jenny originally appeared; short of that, we have no idea… 

N: I *think* he was my addition, but again, without having the scripts to hand, my memory may be playing tricks on me. I mean, he *looks* like the sort of thing I’d have thrown in! I’ve always enjoyed the sight of one lone person looking utterly severe/unimpressed in the midst of general merriment, and I’m guessing I improvised MBM in one panel, he made me laugh, so I put him in another, and then another. Dave, the keyboard player in my band at the time, had that exact t-shirt, with the “Guides” logo, which he wore all the bloody time, and that must have seemed to me like the perfect outfit. So yeah, just a silly little running visual thing I threw in off the cuff to amuse myself really. Looking back at if from a distance, he *does* look quite significant, doesn’t he? Sorry! I feel like a right troll. 

You've stated in the past that you included the Jenny Nowhere cliffhanger in Damn Fine Hostile Takeover without a conscious plan for what that story might be about — but did you ever have any plans for further Jenny stories that didn't materialise? If so, what were they about? And if you had to write the Nowhere story, what might it be like?

J: The only idea I remember from “The Two Jennys” was that Jenny Nowhere would have made her base of operations the Right-On version of the ruined West Pier (the real world version of which in Brighton is now even more skeletal and not practical for even the most doomer supervillain to use as a hideout). I think it would have culminated in a Quadrophenia-style beach brawl between each Jenny’s followers (Nowhere’s gang all being various black-clad kinds of goths, punks, and techno-nihilists, in contrast to Everywhere’s more brightly colored subcultures). But it’s been long enough now that I can confess that at various points I was working on two or three other ideas for follow-up stories.  One was entitled “Dance-Off 2004” (the year kept changing as it got delayed) and the concept speaks for itself. Then there was “You Say Derby! We Say Die!” which was not a reference to the town in the Midlands but rather to my interest in roller derby which peaked circa 2007-2009 or so (and was named after the band You Say Party). But the last time I was kicking an idea around, it was 2012 and I was already thinking about something with a very different tone that was based around the idea of the Jenny Everywhere “gang” reuniting after going their separate ways. Lex now runs a pub and is married (to Lois from the coffee shop) with two kids. Bradley made a fortune designing extremely blasphemous videogames. Clea is an academic in San Francisco. Everyone quit smoking. Those three aforementioned sequels that never got made would appear as flashback panels, a montage of sorts, unfinished comics repurposed as “lost/secret adventures.” The tone for this was once again stolen from a Grant Morrison comic, namely the “zzzzenith.com” one-off sequel to Zenith. Less a sequel, more a bittersweet look back at an era.

If you've kept up with more recent Jenny projects to one degree or another, what are your thoughts on them? 

N: I haven’t, but they’re on the ‘to do’ list.

If you had limitless time and budget for it, what would be your “dream” Jenny project?

N: Limitless time and budget…? Oooooh. Multiverse versions of the Right-On gang. Sci-fi stuff, cosmic stuff. Stuff that’s wild to draw. The same snappy feel and flow of the originals, but with extra helpings of the rainy melancholy Joe brought in at the close of Damn Fine Hostile Takeover. 

Do you think you'll ever return to the character? How differently would you approach it if you did?

N: Time permitting, absolutely. It was fun. 

J: Well, the gap in time since I last toyed with the idea of a nostalgic sequel comic is now longer than the original time period between the first comics and that one. And those years mean that I both feel more distance from my version of the character, and the supporting cast I gave her, but also more unqualified affection. I joked about embarrassment earlier but it’s actually been long enough now that I’ve passed through and out of the period where I found anything about it embarrassing. What I was writing reflects who I was at the time and also maybe a little of where the zeitgeist was: the violence is cartoony, there’s no consequences to it, and there’s what I would call a Bush-era assumption that going out and partying is in itself halfway to being some kind of act of resistance. For me those comics are a memento from a very specific time in my life, and if I wrote something about that particular Jenny Everywhere now, it would definitely be an older, wiser version. As a sober 45 year-old living in Chicago, Illinois, looking back at something I wrote when I was a heavy-drinking Londoner in his early 20s, it’s even more bittersweet and melancholy.  Jenny and the gang were supposed to be reminiscent of various friends of my own. Over the course of 20 years, you inevitably lose touch with people. You move far away physically (I relocated to a different continent!), you drift apart. And sometimes you fall out with people, and sometimes people die, both of which have happened to me. I would be remiss if I didn’t mention Nila Gupta (rest in power) here, who was a big inspiration for my version of Jenny and for my general idea of a gang of cool anti-corporate people running amok in Right-On.  Losing people who used to be part of your life is individually tragic but it’s also the kind of experience you’re a lot more likely to have by the time you’re 45 than when you’re 23. If this answer sounds like it’s turning into a bummer, it shouldn’t entirely, because the flipside to that is you do develop some perspective, some better priorities, some sense of what you’re supposed to be doing with your life.

N: Oh Nila… ❤️ I had no idea your Jenny was inspired by them. That's beautiful. 

And that's all, folks! They'll be reading this over, so I want to thank Joe and Neil/Nelson again, both for helping to create a character who still means so much to so many of us, niche though she may be… and for taking the time to bring us these insightful, entertaining, and often moving glimpses into the mental world from which Jenny — at least their Jenny — first sprung.

Happy Jenniversary, and thanks for everything!

[rococospade]

Have some Letho attempts, in oil paints(!)

Art, life and cat updates under the cut.

Art update:

I’ve opened commissions again for the next two months (October-November 2023). The last one in my queue is nearly finished, and I’m excited to share it — though I’ll have to crop the tumblr version substantially. I’ve also been working on tutorial content for digital painting. Monie’s been poking me for years to do one on sheer fabric, and I’m trying to edit that between other tasks. I’ve thought about doing one for scars as well — is there anything you struggle with that you’d be interested to see a tutorial or tip-sheet for?

In terms of personal work I’ve struggled to connect with my digital painting in the last few months, so I’ve been working more with traditional mediums. I love watercolour, I’ve been fiddling with my oil pastels since I don’t want them to go bad (they keep for about 3 years past opening, apparently) and I’ve wanted to try oil painting for years. Last week I finally took the leap and bought some water soluble oil paints: pictured above is my first attempt with them.

Oil paints are slippery little bastards — I had a teacher tell me “it’s like painting with colourful mud” over a decade ago when discussing them, and that sort of prepared me. I finally get it. They move constantly, even if it looks dry it’s likely not, I have no idea what I’m doing, disposal is a pain, I am wrong at every step, and I love them. Oil painting looks so cool! It’s so much easier to rework than acrylics! This is not always a good thing! I’m having a great time :)

Naturally, upon getting a new and notoriously difficult medium, I dispensed with looking up guides (surely things I watched or read months and years ago are sufficient for right now?) and sat down to screw around with the paints a few evenings ago. This resulted in a muddy mess even with a limited palette, but I’m a toxic goblin who doesn’t learn, so I shrugged and started working with the muddy tones to try and fix it.

@silverscalestudios was kind enough to give me a quick and dirty explanation on workflow when they found out what I was doing. Thank you again for that! I spent a while last night reading about various forms of underpainting because of you, and will give brunaille a try. I knew underpaintings were a thing but I didn’t know *why* or how important they really are — it didn’t occur to me the oil colours would be so transparent. Hopefully the next picture will be a little bit neater as a result of your intervention — thank you so much for taking the time to talk to me about it!

I found some useful videos on YouTube as well, but I’m struggling with colour temperature shifts. Some studies might be in order.

As usual I’m not satisfied with anything I do for long. My current goals are to learn more of the body’s simplified muscle groups, simplify my compositions more, and make more illustrations with character interaction as the focus. Also, I guess, to gain some competence with the mediums I’m playing with — but that’s a bonus more than a goal. Oil pastels especially are just so pleasant to work with that even if I hate the result, the process is too enjoyable to complain. And failure is how we learn.

Potentially useful tip, buried for anyone who read this far: assign yourself studies for the projects you’re currently working on. This took me far too long to learn, but if you struggle with doing general studies for the sake of them, do them to prep for a specific painting instead. If you suspect something will be difficult (the hand gesture, the colour scheme, lighting, expression, whatever) grab or make some ref and doing a couple of studies, so you can fail quickly and make ugly versions. It’s a huge timesaver when it comes to the final piece. My big, detailed paintings usually take 10-20 hours, so I’d like to get any difficult elements sorted before I start whenever possible.

For an example of studies for a painting: the four roughly scribbled Letho’s in coloured pencil on this post — those were done after I had my composition sketched onto the canvas, to figure out what I wanted to do for colours. And I’m glad I did! I tried the analogous scheme on a whim, and if I hadn’t done this study, I’d have played it safe and gone with a mostly neutral palette. Next time I’ll also do some lighting studies so I have a detailed plan for those before I start painting. Traditional media in general involves a lot more concrete planning than digital, and working with it is underscoring how many bad habits I have — especially with massively reworking paintings mid-process.

I did have a photo reference I was using for this painting (one of the images from the rogue warrior reference pack by Noah Bradley) with the lighting and hair modified to try to resemble something I’d seen another digital artist do, and by awkwardly tilting an asaro head in my kitchen to figure out how the lighting would work. There’s a relatively common lighting scheme in anime-esque art where just the tip of the nose is lit. It’s cute, but playing with the asaro head, I found that the top half of the area around the mouth should also catch at least a bit of light. The lighting ended up being repainted into something more standard for this, but you can see the triangle of light on the upper mouth area in the wips.

Life update:

Well, it was a nice run, but spouse and I finally caught corona last month >< that was horrible. I got lucky, in that I only had for a week or so and it was a mild case. Now I’ve mostly recovered except for a cough. “Mild” is still probably the sickest I’ve been in my life. Do not recommend. Will be going for the booster as soon as I’m able to, I do not want that shit ever again.

I’ve been doing a bunch of new things like sashiko (satisfying), trying to make pie crust (hard! But delicious, and the ingredients are cheap enough that I don’t cry over failure. Please give making pie crust a try, if you haven’t, it’s really not that complicated — the recipe I’m using only calls for 3-4 ingredients, and it’s so versatile. We’ve had like four quiches in the last week and a half) and trying to cook more. Adulting is hard. I’m also considering more decorative embroidery attempts, because I’m reentering my goth phase and want to customise my clothes with little mushrooms and skulls :) it would be cute.

About the cats:

Cloud is cancer-free! She has to get rechecks every three months, but the little monster made it. She celebrates by trying to sleep with her butthole on my face, which is terrible. I love her dearly. I wish she would stop with the butthole thing though.

Sheik is currently taking her turn as the cat with medical problems. She couldn’t eat for a few days and the vet rushed us in when we called. The vet came in and informed me that she wasn’t eating… because she had gas. It’s in her small intestine, which isn’t supposed to have gas in it for cats? Good job, you little weirdo. She’s getting further checks or it this month.

We also adopted an adolescent cat. He’s bonded very well with Tez, whom our other cats — well, they don’t hate him, but they’re a bit aloof. Tez is very big and a bit like a bowling ball with teeth, and most of our cats are old (or Jetta, who is full of bitter hate) and do not appreciate being tackled by said bowling ball. The kitten loves him, and Tez seems much happier for the company. He’s more gentle with kittens than adults. Not all of the cats are thrilled, but our oldest queens have accepted the kitten, so it should be smoother sailing from here. Unfortunately they like to play at 8am, so I am suddenly on an adult sleep schedule for the first time since working from home. Nothing like a teenage cat launching himself onto your abdomen to get the day started :) They were yelling at each other as I typed this, but now he’s laying beside me like a prince. … and attacking my cardigan. Nevermind.

Currently trying to find more ways to install cat climbs and enrichment, since we’re running out of corners for cat trees. Debating the merits of a cat run — we have very tall walls, which is neat but also I don’t trust these guys not to fall off. If we could spring for a modular system that would be neat.

If you’re getting two cats, pro tip: get two with similar coat patterns but different sizes. You will hate yourself. It’s very funny, and you can disorient any house guests!

[be-ready-when-i-say-go]

Howdy, friend! An idea for a request hit me while I was struggling in the hair care department. Black/POC reader trying to educate Eddie on how to take care of his curls ?

All I have to say is YES. Let me get my hands on those curls sir. Right NOW.

Requests have resumed. You can submit yours here!

Currently writing for Eddie Munson. I write for a variety of reader inserts (male, female, gender neutral, readers of color too).

The more details you had to your request, the better it is for me. EX: “What about some fluff for Eddie after he’s had a long day?”

Feel free to look through my masterlist here!

Eddie Munson x Black Reader

_________________________

"What do you mean it takes the whole day?" Eddie questions, phone pressed to his ear by his shoulder. The fridge rattles just a little with the force of Eddie closing the door with his foot. On the counter, he tosses a few pieces of the lunch meat--chicken he thinks that Wayne got from the deli--onto his sandwich.

He'd gotten up early by his standards--around ten. He got up mostly because he knew if he didn't catch you early enough your day would become a gambit of whatever errands your mother needed to run and that you'd get tagged along.

"It takes a few hours, Eds. To do it properly."

"It's hair," he counters. "And I get yours is different than mine. But--hours? You mean I have to go the whole day without one of your kisses because it's wash day?"

You know his shock and frustration isn't directed at you or is malicious. But you sigh, pinching the bridge of your nose, pushing out a deep breathe. He doesn't get it, you tell yourself. And Eddie can't know fully what it's like. He understood on a basic level but the depths he would never truly feel in his bones like you do yours.

"Yikes, I'm sorry. What did I say?" Eddie knows, even through a receiver when he's crossed a line with you.

"It's not just hair Eddie."

His full name. He definitely fucked up. "I'm sorry, hon. Those--the words, I could've said it better."

"You just want to hang out with me?" you pose it so you can understand better what Eddie really wants to say. There's no use is senseless arguing. Speaking and censoring where two things that took great effort with Eddie. Sure, he could physically talk a mile a minute, but there was a gear where the words were just automatic. You know what Eddie really wants to say and what he actually is saying are paths that could easily diverge.

"I wanted to see you today." Eddie nearly whispers it, setting the knife down as he finishes the swipe of mustard on the bread.

You worked--a by product of you graduating in Eddie's second attempt at senior year and not being in a position to afford college. So you stayed in town, helping your mother around and working. It was something Eddie dreaded. But you were working at one of the daycare centers a town over and nearly every time you and Eddie talked he had a story about one of the kids and you always sounded happy.

It worried Eddied that he really wouldn't find the thing that would make him smile like the daycare does for you. But high school, a third time, is fucking miserable. The two of you wouldn't really crossed paths post your graduation save for the occasional run ins around own and the town gossip. But you helped him with a project and the two of you became fast friends. Then you graduated. When you were out getting medicine for your mother you ran into Eddie again and his crush on you hadn't fully disapiated. Fast forward through the summer, now into the depths of October's breeze before the November freeze and the relationship blossomed.

But the realities were still there--you worked and the only time Eddie got with you was on the weekends. That is if your mother didn't snag you first and now it seemed you hair too.

The words escape you without hesitation. "Why don't you come over? You can stand to learn a thing or two about taking care of curls."

"My hair is perfectly fine."

"They are dying of thirst. Just get over here. Twenty minutes or we get started without you."

"No," Eddie wails around the frantic bites of his sandwich. "I'll be there in fifteen."

You can only laugh, listening to the way Eddie's screams are muffled by whatever it is he's eating before the line goes completely dead. He is a strange man, but you adore him regardless.

Eddie's just grateful, by the time he gets into the van, the last quarter of his sandwich in his hand, that you always extend him grace and then a little more. He feels like kicking himself after his comment. Of course it wasn't just hair. It never would be just hair--he'd seen all the intricate styles you'd weaved into the strands, the cornbrows creating a maze of your scalp that he liked to trace sometimes while you two watched movies. It always smelled good, shined a little and when Eddie asked why you always laughed a little, and said just a little bit of elbow grease is all.

Your street is only one more right turn away and Eddie is more mindful to slow down more than he normally does. Your street is busy at this time of the day on a Saturday. Kids played pick up games of basketball in the narrow street or rode bikes up and down before dumping them in someone's yard to play games of football.

Just as he expected, he can spot a game of 4 v 4 one house down from you. So Eddie creeps until he can pull up into your driveway. But the caution is all thrown out as he runs up to the front door of the house. He knocks are rapid and he bounces on the balls of his toes.

"Edward Munson," you tease, hollering from behind the door. A moment later, the lock gives and opens to reveal a grin. "Thirteen minutes."

"I lost a few seconds to finishing my breakfast."

You wave him inside and he quickly toes off his Reeboks before wrapping you up in a hug. The work coat--a hand me down from Wayne you're sure--doesn't swallow Eddie, but it is warm as you step into his embrace. He kisses the side of your head, arms encasing your waist tightly.

"Is that mustard I smell?" you ask, when Eddie exhales.

He laughs. "That's what you're worried about. The mustard on my breathe."

"It's a valid question."

"Only valid cus you got the nose of a dog," your mother teases as she approaches arms wide to give Eddie a hug too. "Good to see you again, sugar."

"Hi, Ma," Eddie laughs wrapping her into a hug too.

You expect Eddie just to watch, maybe attempt to give you a fauhawk when your hair is shampooed. But instead, he asks if you're okay with him stepping in. You and your mom had built a ritual. When she had the time, she'd wash your hair for you, deep condition it, part, cornrow and oil your scalp. It reminded you deeply of your childhood as she worked her fingers over your scalp or as you sat on the floor on a pillow as she sat behind you on the couch. But Eddie slips out of the jacket, rolls up the sleeves on the flannel he'd thrown on and ask if your mother can teach him, if he can be the one to do it.

You expect to laugh as Eddie tosses popcorn at you while you're sitting. You expect that you'll be the one to bring up to ask if Eddie will let you do a modified version of your wash day on him. But it's Eddie who breaks the seal and asks to be taught.

"I know it's important," he states. "I want to learn."

"You don't have to make up for earlier," you return, the towel already draped over your shoulders.

"I-" Well, Eddie is trying to make up for earlier. But he also wants to see and feel what makes this more than hair. "I appreciate that. But I feel like I need to get it. As best as I can of course."

Your mother easily agrees, but you keep staring him down. Those his eyes are big and you can always read them, you wonder for a moment if there's something that Eddie manages to hide as you watch him. All you feel those is genuineness.

You nod and Eddie nods, a smile gracing his face. "Thanks."

"Oh, don't say that just yet," your mother laughs. "Welcome to Black Hair 101. Detangling is going to be a bitch."

Eddie takes the outstretched comb, the teeth are tight together and a long silver need falls into his palm. "I'm going to need a picture dictionary," he laughs.

"We gotchu. C'mon. That there is a rat tailed comb. Good for parting and taking braids down," your mother directs not wasting another second.

Eddie nods, carefully taking you by the shoulder to pull you back into him. You scoot on your butt until your back hits the couch. The instruction of his hand, a titling of your head, is nearly too soft but you know what he's silently asking for.

Eddie's fingers are tentative, worried you might even say whereas your mothers hand are sure. But you like the feeling of him standing just off to the side of you as your bend your torso so your head is over the sink and his hips gently knock into your shoulder. He apologizes each time. "Nah, you're good," you state into the basin of the kitchen sink, fingers clutching the ends of the towel closed around your shoulder.

"Sorry," he whispers, fingers catching a knotted strand.

"Nah, you're good," you return.

It is a volley and each time you take hold of the apologies and return them with a soft reassurance. Eddie is good. He is okay. He is fine. He is just learning. He is just shampoo.ing He is good. He is okay. He is fine. He is just learning.

"That is a wide tooth comb," your mother direct. "Start at the ends, get that untangled first then you can go higher up. LIke this." She takes hold of a section, holding the mid shift tight and then working the comb through your ends. Once the comb goes through easily, she grabs higher up onto your hair and works the knots out before combing from the root to the ends.

Her arm is steady and swift. She knows just how much to tug, she knows when a knot needs more time to unravel the cause. She knows just when to put just a little bit more rake to get the desired result.

Eddie is slower. You can almost imagine how he's holding his breath each time his rake with the comb catches. You block the apology before it can fine. "You're fine. It's okay. It doesn't actually hurt me."

Eddie hums. He believes you, but he also knows the horrors of a bad knot.

The plastic crinkles in his hands, but he gets the cap over all your hair and tilts your head back. "Okay?"

"Perfect," you return, knowing that soon the hose will be plugged in and your mother will be setting a timer so you sit with the conditioner under heat for a few minutes.

You can only sit and watch. But the moment your mother gets the timer set, she's crooking her fingers for Eddie to follow. And into the kitchen they disappear again. You imagine it's clean up. Getting the shampoo and conditioner back up into the bedroom, cleaning out the combs, finding the rubber bands and hair grease.

But you only catch the sight of them from your periphery. But you take it. What catches your attention though, however clipped it is in your vision, is Eddie now posed at the sink.

Only your mother. You know she's fast. By the time the machine cools and then shuts off, Eddie's returning to the living room, his own hair dripping and resting against a towel. "She got you too, huh?" you laugh.

"I blinked and my head was under the faucet," he laughs.

You mother motions for you to scoot, and you do after peeling the cap off your head. Eddie takes your spot. "Just a couple minutes for you, sweetheart. Nothing too long."

He barely gets the nod before his hair it tucked up and way and the heat billows around his skull. Your mother is swift as she rinses your hair out and then the dryer turns off by the time the two of you can return to the living room.

"Should've brought a snack," Eddie teases, watching from the floor as your mother parts your hair.

"Told you it was called wash day."

"You hungry?" he asks, one hand resting on your knee. HIs thumb brushes over the exposed skin--thanks to the rise of your shorts due to you sitting.

"Nah, I'm good."

"This whole time I just thought you rinse conditioner out right after you got it through your hair," Eddie snorts.

"Lawd, have mercy," you and you mother echo. The room fills with cackles, a sheepish grin taking over Eddie's face.

"No one told me otherwise!" he defends. And it's true--Wayne most likely wouldn't have known. But now Eddie knows. Like he knows how to take down the cornrows. He knows how to shampoo, and detangle. He knows what sort of products you need. He'll figure out which ones are best for him later. He understands how to do a braid, but is sure, that his fingers won't cooperate. He almost wants to ask to try but the way your mother tugs and tucks, he fears he'd interrupt too much.

"You look like you wanna say something," you state, fingers tracing up Eddie's clothed calf.

"No, just watching," he answers. It's a lie. You both know it. But not even the arch of your brow gets him to confess.

Just as your mother plucks the last rubber band from the box, you unscrew the top on the jar of grease and hold it up. Your mother takes the pad of her fingers to take a small swipe, warming it up on the back of her hand before swiping it on your scalp. She follows the lines down and down to the nape of your neck.

Eddie peers in at the blue substance. His nose places the scent--something he's always connected to you-- but he never really knew what it looked like. It's jelly like, but easily pliable with a few rubs. He takes a taste amount, just dipping his pinkie into the jar.

"Just don't eat it," you laugh, watching Eddie inspect it.

"I doubt it would taste great," he concedes. You wave him in close, reaching for a different jar. He can't make out what it is, but you rub the cream between your palms and smooth it over his strands. You are careful as you finger coil clumps. It smells sweet. He catches the smell when you reach around his shoulders to take the towel.

"All done?" he questions.

"All done," you answer, pulling his head back by his forehead and kissing the end of his nose. "You hungry?"

Eddie peers to the clock next to the TV. Ten to three. "Shit, now that you mention it, yeah. But I see what you mean by it takes a whole day."

"Absolutely. We've got leftovers. Is that okay?"

"Sounds perfect."

"Give you strength to get hair products later. That'll be fun."

"You mean it's going to take another four hours," Eddie laughs.

"We have to get it right!" you defend.

Eddie stretches up, rubbing at your forearms. "I like the sound of that."

[author-a-holmes]

Preface

This year was a year where I learnt a lot about myself. As many of you know, I released my debut novel, Changeling, in March. This was a literal dream come true for me, and I spent the majority of January, February and the first half of March editing the final files, and organizing the release.

All while trying to continue writing Darkling.

And then I burnt out. Hard. I wouldn't call it a mistake, I've learnt a lot about myself and the publishing process, and what my limits are, but it took me quite a bit longer than I'd have liked to recover from that burnout, and so my stats for this year, once I take a look at this, probably aren't going to be a steady as I'd like.

And what I mean by that is there were several periods where I tried to push forward, but had to let it go and continue just recuperating.

It's only been in the tail end of 2023 I've begun writing semi-regularly again, but I digress. Let's dig into some statistics for 2023...

Projects Worked On

Darkling 77,136 words (This year! Total manuscript is almost 100k right now) - Bonus Scene; 1,109

Flash Fiction Pieces 1,264 words over 4 pieces of flash fiction

Fanfiction 825 words over 2 pieces of fanfiction Fandoms: @night-market-if's The Night Market Interactive Fiction

Total Words Written in 2023: 82,415 Total Time Spent Writing in 2023: 71 hours 40 minutes

First Quarter - January-February-March

Words: 19,428 Time Writing: 19 hours 30 minutes Time Editing: 11 hours 20 minutes

This period I was hyper-focussed on getting ARC's of Changeling out to readers, finalising formatting, particularly for the Hardcover, reviewing proof copies, setting up all the various sales channels, and most of the time I logged in January was Editing Time as I needed to review the notes left my by Editor before release.

Once the editing was finalised, I tried catching up with Darkling in between everything else and this is where I really began struggling. I'd thrown myself into my self-edits in December of 2022, and in hindsight I really needed a break but, with a deadline approaching, I just couldn't take one.

Second Quarter - April-May-June

Words: 5,224 Time Writing: 2 hours 20 minutes

April and May I wrote absolutely nothing. Not a single word. And while I never announced it publically, June was supposed to be the original release date for Darkling.

Which meant I had to cancel my editor slot, and re-evaluate where I stood on what I could reasonably accomplish. This is really where I began to recognise how hard I'd pushed myself into a burnout.

After writing nothing for two months, June was where I tried to do a complete reset, and start from scratch building up my daily wordcount and, well. I just wasn't ready yet. I managed 2 days in June, on the 3rd and 4th, and then crashed back into writing nothing.

Third Quarter - July-August-September

Words: 1,346 Time Writing: 1 hour 20 minutes

After crashing in my reset attempt in June, I knew I had to just ride the burnout to it's end. Pushing was only going to make it last longer. I also knew I had a long-awaited holiday set in September. It was my first holiday in about 15 years, so I decided to not set any goals for this quarter. If the mood to write struck me, I'd go with it, but otherwise I was concentrating on reading, on preparing for my holiday, and on outlining other ideas, worldbuilding, and anything to do with my books that wasn't actually putting new words down on the page.

One of those things was figuring out a bonus scene to give away for Darkling Preorders, and I did try working on that a little in August. That's where most of my words for this quarter landed, but most of my time was spent outlining.

And the thing is, the holiday actually really helped. Where I went on holiday happened to be a very similar landscape/enviroment to one of the location in Darkling, and I found around the middle of the holiday I was handwriting in a notebook. I'd not done that in a long time.

Fourth Quarter - October-November-December

October Words: 2,439 Time Writing: 2 hours 45 minutes

November Words: 51,841 Time Writing: 43 hours 45 minutes

December Words: 2,273 Time Writing: 1hour 40 minutes

I came back from my holiday re-energised and knew I wanted to dive straight back into Darkling while still riding that high. I spent some time writing in October, before I hit a few snags and realised I needed to get a birds eye view on the plot.

So I stepped back from writing again to rehash my outline. I now have a timeline of events stuck to the large cupboard in my living room, but it set me up for success in November's Nanowrimo.

My original goal for Nano was 75k, which would have completed the Darkling Manuscript, but November Nano's are always hard, and I've only just pulled myself out of a 6-month burnout, so I had no intention of pushing myself too hard. I did win Nano, but with 51k and change.

Which left me just December to finish the final 20-25k. I'm always a little slower in December. A reaction to a fast Nanowrimo/November, combined with family and holiday seasonal stuff pulling at my time, so I didn't get as much done as I'd have liked, before Christmas prep took up all my free time. I did still managed a few thousand words though, so I was happy enough with that considering how the rest of 2023 had gone.

Goals for 2024

I try and keep my goals vague and loose, because I know I can't always commit to things, especially long term, but in general I'm just going to try and make self care a priority this year, while still making progress and moving forward with my writing.

Make my health a priority

Pace my writing and editing time to avoid burnout

Publish Darkling

Complete the Fey Touched manuscript

Send out my newsletter regularly

Books Read in 2023

I do consider the books I read part of my process. Something to refill the creative well, so here's a list of books I've read over the course of the year too...

Lux by Rae Else (My Review of 'Lux') .

Shut Up and Write The Book by Jenna Moreci (My Review of 'Shut Up & Write The Book') .

Fernweh Saga Book One (Interactive Fiction) (My Review of 'Fernweh Saga Book #1' on Steam) .

A Rival Most Vial by R.K. Ashwick (My Review of 'A Rival Most Vial') .

Changeling by Arista Holmes (Yes, I did reread my own book!) (Goodreads Reviews of Changeling; 4.58 Stars) .

The Enchantment Emporium by Tanya Huff (Tradpub) .

The Night Market Book One by Zinnia Demitasse (Interactive Fiction) (My Review of 'The Night Market Book #1' on Steam) .

Wrath and Wraiths, Chronicles of the Dawnblade Book Four by Andrew Claydon (My Review of 'Wrath and Wraiths') .

The Signature Move by Cassandra Diviak (My Review of 'The Signature Move') .

City of Souls by Mel Harding-Shaw (Reread!) (My Review of City of Souls) .

Shards of Stasis by Mel Harding-Shaw .

Shrine of Stars by Mel Hardin-Shaw . And my current read it;

The Last Wish by Andrzej Sapkowski (Tradpub)

[fourseasonsfigs]

New Year Joint Special Project - Bedema Lake

At long last, I'm posting about the final set in this amazing series! It's been a long time coming.

This is one set in a collaborative series of six among five fig makers that were designed for the Lunar New Year 2022. This project launched on February 22, 2022, and included 4 Wenzhou sets and 2 Junzhe sets:

If you ordered during the early bird period, you would get a piece of a magnet which formed part of a larger piece of art. If you got all 6 magnets, you could complete the whole art piece.

My first post in this series was back on October 6, 2022, with the Armory set. I received this final set in the warehouse right around December 2022, but I had some delays of my own sending it out from the warehouse, and then I've been holding off on posting it until I had enough time, since this is gonna be a long post.

This was the fig set I was most excited about all of them (and I was very excited about them!), because the Episode 6 lake raft scene is 1) epic, and 2) so active it seemed incredible we could get a fig of them in motion.

This was not an easy set for the fig maker to make, either. She was displeased (to say the least, her text messages berating the factory boss for changing the specs without asking her were hilarious) with the factory's initial run of the lake water, as they modified it significantly from the sample. She had it re-run, and then had the factory include the version she rejected since it had already been made. After seeing the two versions, I really appreciated her care and thoughtfulness as to detail, because she was right - her original IS way better.

You can see all the pieces here. There's a lot of them! The fig maker helpfully posted a step by step guide to putting it together. The lighter plastic lake base on top is the one the factory initially made - it's just a light clear water colored plastic. The one on the left side is a much, much heavier, thicker piece of solid resin (? I think it's resin?) that not only looks way better but is much more stable. The figs are there in their sealed foil bags, and the lake raft together with it's bottom logs are in pieces around them. I usually have the warehouse toss the glue (it's restricted) for mailing, but this appears to have accidentally slipped on through.

Here's the logs attached to the bottom. I tried museum putty first...and then museum wax...but neither was strong enough for the weight of the figs. I had to end up cleaning all of it out and just using my glue. Funny I didn't even think to use the glue that was sent - I just pulled out my trusty industrial strength glue. You can see where the thin rectangular slot at the bottom fits into the lake base. I just flipped it over and glued it in.

A better comparison of the lake bases. You can see even more clearly here how much better the top one is in every respect. I'd make a horrible pun that the bottom one should be called Badema Lake, but we're all better than that.

We're gonna forget that pale imitation lake ever existed. Here we are with the real deal! You can see the peg up there on top for Lao Wen, and it's a bit hard to see, but there's an indent down at the base for our temporarily-still-Hobo-Xu.

By the way, I never knew this lake even had a name before this fig set, much less that it was called Bedema Lake. I feel like we're all better prepared for SHL quiz trivia now.

Here's Lao Wen with his balancing foot ready, and A-Xu with a very sturdy wide stance. No one told him when he was practicing martial arts that one day he'd be doing horse stance on a raft, fighting off weapons-grade flirtation.

Lao Wen would be delighted over this picture, since it looks like A-Xu is chasing him! I love the expressions on their faces - A-Xu looks wary, and Lao Wen looks absolutely, delightfully incorrigible.

Here we go with A-Xu getting fitted out for his pose...

...and Lao Wen landing as light as feather on the raft end!

Here's the best angle to see how both of them attach to the base.

Alright, we're going to go for a spin around the lake raft. This was a bit of a hard set to photograph, with the phone focusing on some areas and leaving others blurry, but please don't mind the amateur work. Here we go!

Looks like I'm going to use up all 30 of the allowable pictures per post for this one! Let me get one last angle...

And last but not least, the box cards and box:

Absolutely delightful, isn't it? I like the dog on the raft, and the cat just peeping out of the bushes. Too cute.

Material: PVC (figures) and resin (lake)

Fig Count: 283

Scene Count: 22

Rating: The pinnacle!

[link back to Master Fig Index for more posts]

[goron-king-darunia]

Eggtober Retrospective by @goron-king-darunia Well, there they are. Every egg-related piece I drew in October, along with the behind-the-scenes or in-progress pictures, including bonus art. Individual links will be at the end of the post. I’m gonna get sappy here, but first, a poem to tie this whole thing off before I get into the details some may want to skip. Poem for an Egg An egg is such a simple thing. Child of beasts of scale and wing. Let from this verse my praises ring, A poem for an egg. Yolk of gold in chest of white Armor crackling, feather-light. Wet albumen shining bright From a calcium-cast keg. Coated tongue with holy wine Protein and rich fat combined Sunlight nectar so divine To stain the humble bread. Toothsome sponge of firming yield, Heated skillet firmly sealed. Poached from out the plundered field, Plucked from feathered bed. Broth of life in fragile cradle, Font of youth of myth and fable, Decadent and smooth like sable, Anointed and alone. Nourishment of king and peasant Harvested from hen or pheasant. Such is nature’s oldest present To nourish flesh and bone. An egg is such a precious thing From which my inspirations spring And for the world I’ll proudly sing This poem for an egg.

Now, a little on what eggs and Eggtober mean to me as an artist. Eggs are symbolic of a lot of things. But I’ll go over the particular symbolism that felt relevant and inspiring to me. Youth - Obvious on the face of it. One way or another, baby organisms of any sort of complexity start as an egg. Baby chickens come from eggs. Fairly direct symbolism. But for me, Eggtober was connecting to a younger time in my life, where art was just something natural. Where I wasn’t pressured by my own expectations or burdened by a lot of the fetters that come with visual art. It was about connecting with that feeling of whimsy. Even my personal projects started carrying a weight of expectation to them, even though I swore to myself that the quality didn’t matter. The level of skill I achieved with art had me in that sort of Valley of Despair in the whole Dunning-Kruger graph. I knew enough to know that I had so much growing left, and my confidence fell through the floor. But Eggtober was a chance to connect with the confidence of youth, and grow the skills I’ve been nurturing that went to atrophy over nearly a decade of no (or very little) art. To just draw what felt right, learn, examine, look, tweak, practice, and grow. No external judgements. No internal judgements. Just making. And I think that’s helped me a lot.

Looking Beneath the Surface - I’ve been forced to do a bit of introspection recently. As is the human condition, I inevitably end up harming people I care about. And while a certain amount of that is unavoidable, the stuff that is avoidable stems, in part, from unaddressed self-esteem issues. Through a combination of examining my own writing, discussing with friends, and examining things that have hurt me when they ought not (i.e. I burst into tears for “no reason” because a Hershey bar had the phrase “treat for me” on the back as part of its marketing) I’ve realized that I... kind of hate myself. I have this deep-seated unease about facets of myself that I’m ashamed of. Things I think people wouldn’t accept, fears I have that I know aren’t true, anxieties about my own interests, doubts about my own capabilities. Things about myself that don’t really hurt anyone, that don’t need to be changed, upset me.

It got to the point where I was inadvertently hurting people in a desire to medicalize my own idiosyncrasies to validate them because as a psychology student, I’d internalized a pretty unhealthy “If I can name it, I can fix it” mentality. “If I can just associate this thing I hate about myself with a known disease, disorder, or mental illness, I can totally just get rid of it with the right treatment (that I don’t have access to for a variety of reasons)” And that’s not a healthy way to think about myself. Especially not about things that don’t hurt anyone. Doubly especially when those are just little things I enjoy in fiction. Things that don’t really indicate anything about me on their own. 

That festering self-hatred probably stems from a lot of external sources, but ultimately, it’s the fact that it’s sitting inside me, unaddressed, that it’s become a problem. I internalized a lot of external influence meant to hurt me and decided that because others wanted to hurt me, that I deserved to be hurt. I decided that instead of examining any of that, to just accept it wholesale and that instead of changing things (which I didn’t want to change and don’t need to be changed because, again, these things don’t hurt anyone) I decided to cope with self-deprecation. Like putting on a red shirt before going on stage, expecting tomatoes. “You can’t hurt me more that I’m already hurting me. If I tell you I already know there’s something wrong with me, you can laugh with me and not at me.” Needless to say, I know that stuff isn’t healthy, and I’m more aware now that it hurts other people, not just me. For a variety of reasons, I can’t get professional help right now. But knowing at least one root of the behavior that hurts me and hurts others means I can address it. And being able to look inward will be key to growing as I move forward. Just as an egg holds a white and a yolk, my body houses a mind and its thoughts. Being able to look within and see what’s there, like candling an egg, will help me root out things that hurt others and affect my quality of life. Food and Community - I wanted to stick with an edible theme, partly because I like food, but also because food means community. Unless you’re a hermit living alone in the mountains and living off wild berries and roots, it’s basically impossible to eat something that hasn’t involved other humans in the process. Even if you cook your own food and eat all by yourself, someone picked those veggies, gathered those eggs, butchered that meat. And usually, eating isn’t something you do alone. There are reasons that going out to eat is a common activity to do with friends and dates and family and why food is a part of special occasions. Eggtober, as a challenge, was something we did together. Whether you only participated once or twice, whether you just watched, whether you did an egg every day like @quezify. It was a uniting factor. And even though lots of people have decided the plague is over, it really isn’t. And even if it was over, those years of isolation and limiting togetherness for the good of the community was rough on a lot of people. Doing something together is just nice.

Can I offer you a nice egg in this trying time? - I’ve always been an absolute slut for pink Pokemon. And while I characterize myself as more of an Audino, I really vibe with Blissey for this. “Blissey senses sadness with its fluffy coat of fur. If it does so, this Pokémon will rush over to a sad person, no matter how far away, to share a Lucky Egg that brings a smile to any face.” “Anyone who takes even one bite of Blissey's egg becomes unfailingly caring and pleasant to everyone.” More than anything, I want to live a life of kindness and making others happy. I’m not always able to live up to that. But I strive for it. Various media characterize various things as nourishing and nurturing. And while the poster-child food for that in the USA seems to be Chicken Soup, the egg is only a degree or two removed from that. And while the best known pop-culture reference on this site which uses the egg as a short-hand for affection has been memed to hell and back, I think it has more sincere implications in my art. Even if it’s only one person, I just want to make this world a little better for someone. I want to be kind, patient, nurturing. I want to embody love. I know I’m only human. I know it can’t always be unconditional. And I know I can’t always be the best me every moment of every day. But I hope if there’s a stat sheet at the end of life that my metric for kindness, compassion, and love is my highest stat.

Final Thoughts: Eggtober’s been an artistic adventure. I learned a lot about the raw mechanics of making art, trained my eyes, my hands, refined my process. But it’s also been emotional. I’ve been crying writing some of this. Growth is a series of small steps and consistent choices, and I’d like to think I’ve come out the other side of this month a markedly better person than I was before, in more ways than one. I’m no stranger to sadness and depression. In fact, in terms of Pixar’s Inside Out, I’d pretty soundly say I’m “Captained by Sadness,” as the visual metaphor goes. But even with things outside my control, even with the crying, even with the concretely bad day, October was a good month. In no small part due to drawing for Eggtober. I’m a characteristically weepy bitch, so not all of these tears are sad tears. But there’s definitely a melancholy setting in. It’s been nice doing all this, and it’s a little sad for it to be over. But there’s also relief. I can get back to a few other projects I put on the backburner. I can free up brainspace for other creative pursuits and I can be a bit more spontaneous. There’s also an overwhelming joy that comes with being able to see I completed something. Just putting everything together into one collage to see all I’ve made was an emotional endeavor. Being able to put something out there in the world and say “I made something. Something that didn’t exist before exists now, because of me.” I’m trying not to cry because it’s over. I’m trying to smile because it happened. We all did something great together. I don’t think I’ve had a happier month, even with everything. Thank you to everyone who participated. This was a wonderful experience. My askbox is open for anyone that might want to put in an egg request, even if Eggtober is over now. If you all have any favorites, I’ll consider setting up shop and running prints if you want to support me. But until then, I hope you all are safe, fed, warm, and loved. All Eggtober Art, in order, Left to Right, Top to Bottom: Eggtober 1 - Fried Egg Eggtober 2 - Deviled Eggs Eggtober 3 - Toad in the Hole Eggtober 4 - Eggs Benedict Eggtober 5 - Hard Boiled Eggs 3 Ways Eggtober 6 - Poached Egg Eggtober 7 - Soft-Boiled Eggs Eggtober 8 - Scrambled Eggs Eggtober 9 - Mushroom and Cheese Omelet Eggtober 10 - Bibimbap Eggtober 11 - Tonkotsu Ramen with Egg Eggtober 12 - Avocado Toast Eggtober 13 - Çilbir or Turkish Poached Eggs Eggtober 14 - EGGxperiment (Naked Egg) Eggtober 15 - Scotch Egg Eggtober 16 - Tamago Nigiri Eggtober 17 - Ikura Nigiri Eggtober 18 - Egg Salad Eggtober 19 - Mooncake (Featuring Salted Egg Yolk) Eggtober 20 - Minimalist Shakshuka Eggtober 21 - Huevos Rancheros Eggtober 22 - Impressions of Broccoli Quiche Eggtober 23 - A Cube of Egg Casserole Eggtober 24 - Tamago Kake Gohan Eggtober 25 - The Imposter or “The Egg Plant” Eggtober 26 - Century Egg or “Beyond Reach” a Starbot Fanart Eggtober 27 - Soy Grilled Quail Eggs Eggtober 28 - Pickled Egg with Radish Slices Eggtober 29 - Cloud Egg Eggtober 30 - Halloween Meringues Eggtober 31 - Cadbury Screme Egg

Eggtober Bonus 1 - Intermission Collaboration Eggtober Bonus 2 - Sushi Eggs Eggtober Bonus 3 - Zucchini Egg Casserole Behind the Scenes 1 - Bibimbap, But Just the Veggies (Under Cut) Behind the Scenes 2 - Avocado Toast, Emphasis on the Tomato (Under Cut) Behind the Scenes 3 - Starbot Fan Art without Pixelation (Under Cut)

[revilleaj]

Art update & 3D Robodi model images

It has been quite a while since I've last really done anything online. I've been heavily burned out and tired constantly since at least December or so (I have done drawings in months prior, but I have never posted them publically). I still do not have a new computer, even though I have enough money (about £1k) to buy the parts or even an entire computer, but there are other factors in life that need more attention being put towards right now.

I'm still in the midst of trying to get a job (damn required experience and driving license listings!), and drawing right now is bottom priority. It feels like a chore and it's not fun when I have rusted from not drawing in so long (making so many mistakes really sets off my anger problems). I really do not like being pressured into trying to do things, and I have been experimenting with 3D, but only to an extent.

So, with that said, I am going to put making newer drawings on hold for an indefinite amount of time until I feel motivated enough to draw. I'm not done with art entirely and I never will be, but I think I really shouldn't pressure myself as if art is some kind of requirement in life. I've been also having drawing tablet issues, and I noticed there's a small crack in my Huion that I haven't been able to use almost ever since I had it (thankfully the thing still works, and the crack is near the top, only half getting on the drawing area).

I may also finally add some images to my empty DeviantArt account. As much as I do not like that website nor its community, I think it would work if I just put my favorite drawings I've worked on there, specifically ones up until the end of 2023. All of the really old and weaker art (mostly from 2018 and 2020, and anything from 2017) I won't be reposting, as they no longer reflect me, and have not done so for a very long time.

-----

Now, for the second topic of this post, and in a much better light; the 3D Robodi model. I'm sure I've talked about this years ago on Twitter. Back in 2020, when I was still in my first year of university, I worked on a 3D model of one of my characters named Robodi, using Cinema 4D. It was never finished, but I did learn quite a bit when working on it. Here's some newer screenshots of him, now that I've managed to pick back up an older version of C4D (I do not like the 2022 UI layout change):

This is the last version of the model to not be animated, from May 2020. The image is rendered using the Sketch & Toon shader with the Standard renderer. A few options were altered to remove unnecessary outlines.

The model in the renderer itself; right is the objects list, bottom are the materials (vertex colors and textures, some with C4D specific features).

The last ever version of this specific model from September 2021, with the FOV heavily reduced to improve the depth. A single black thin cube was added between the eyes to create a fake extra outline. A bit of a hacky effect; I did not know how to do inverted normals, in fact I don't think I knew that was how most computer games handled outlines.

The very first saved version of the model, in Cinema 4D's editor, made earlier in May 2020. The pieces have default names and are not parented, some materials are not added yet, and the shapes are noticeably bigger, especially the base of the head and the torso.

I once experimented with "realistic" materials and shading (including the dreadfully slow Global Illumination), which doesn't make the most sense for a cartoon character. Here you can see the unit plate on the back of his head, which I don't think I have ever shown before. The camera may look close here, but it's actually extremely far away with a very low FOV (dubbed Super-Telescope). Some textures are no longer in the project files, so this looks slightly off from how it did back in 2020.

In October 2021, I went back to the older May 2020 model and decided to try and remake it. I realized that using one mesh and extruding it works a lot better with the Sketch & Toon shader, as it does not create unnecessary outlines when the default shader options are left the way they are. The lines in the middle of the eyes and nose are from the shader, rather than a black material cube. Of course, it would be more wise to just duplicate each mesh, enlarge them and invert the normals while applying a pitch black texture to them. I abandoned the model shortly after the progress I made here, and I am not sure why. Maybe I was burned out and lost interest.

I should probably try to attempt making a 3D model of him again and some others, now that I know a lot more than I did nearly 4 years ago (yeah, can you believe it has also been nearly 6 years since my Reville character was created? Robodi was first created in mid-2019; almost 5 years ago! Good things take time and care). It will be a difficult task, but I'll make sure to export whatever I make to a .FBX model, so that it doesn't get lost to C4D licensing Hell. Hopefully, that would make the models work in Blender and such (the materials will have to be baked into textures however, instead of being separate C4D ones. At least .FBX doesn't use an external material file unlike .OBJ, which I and others have had issues with). Maybe I could use them for rotoscoping or somethin'.

Here's hoping to me eventually finding motivation, losing my tiredness, and getting a job with stable income alongside continuing to work on my passion projects, no matter how much time has past since the day I first thought of them. I want to keep doing things, not resting in bed most of my days. Too bad winter is freezing cold where I live, and I suffer from mild hypothermia...

[theskeletonprior]

[ID: a greyscale banner of a skeleton reclining in rich silks, cropped so only the ribcage and part of the spine are visible. It reads ‘A Year in the Priory’ in white. /End ID.]

I saw a post going around by @maguayans​​ about making a year-in-review post, and it looked too fun for me to resist!

It hasn’t quite been an entire year for me. I started this account on January 18th, but the time has flown right by! I think it’s good to reflect, and this is the time of year for it, that’s for sure. I didn’t want to do it Spotify-style, so here we are. Just the bare bones.

On Writing

This year really marks the start of my taking my work as a writer much more seriously. It was also the first time I was paid for my writing (!!!). I opened commissions, although I only sold any to people I knew. I only published one piece of fanfiction this year, in January--just a little study of Silco and Jinx from Arcane. But I have a couple others that I’ve been fiddling with to keep me loose that I might even finish one day. In April, my husband and I launched our Patreon, and as of this month, we’ve released nine volumes of The Bishop of Black with a 10th on the way! We managed to put out a new volume every month, along with bonus side-stories. I’m very proud of what we’ve been able to accomplish together. In the summer, I came down with some terrible Gorr the Butcher brainrot, but the fic isn’t finished. It is, if I do say so myself, rather good, though. I also immediately became obsessed with Alchemy of Souls, but that fic isn’t finished either. I haven’t had an awful lot of free time, just in general, this year. I’ve struggled to make dedicated time for my projects. This blog has also begun to grow quite well! I reached my first major milestone in October, did a very fun giveaway, and then smashed that milestone to absolute bits. This, I attribute chiefly to the miraculous accident of a post that I made at 2am escaping containment. I did make an attempt at pushing out a few more words in November, but came away with a little more than 5 000 on RAVENOT, which is more progress than I’ve made in some time. I also released a polished first chapter, which stands as a sort of pilot for the project. Some folx were even kind enough to drop a little tip in my jar for it, which was lovely. I did get some little drabbles out, too. So I think I’ve been sneaking out the words fairly well this year. And that’s about it for 2022, as far as my writing goes. I wasn’t able to really get back to my bookmaking, but I’m getting pretty handy with Affinity Publisher and that’s got to count for something.

On the Future

I’d like to try to commit to a few things for 2023. Here’s the list: + complete a draft of one WIP for 2023 (spoiler alert: it’s going to be RAVENOT) + read every day + dedicate time to writing every week (collaboratively, and solo) + consistently include IDs for images in original posts + get back to bookmaking! I’ve been making nothing but x-folds and pamphlet stitches and it’s making me wilt

On Meetings

And I do want to shout out some of the wonderful members of this here writeblr community that I’ve had the pleasure of meeting this year. Warmest regards to: @flowerprose @muddshadow @pinespittinink @impaledlotus @inkspellangel and @calicojackofficial for being some of the highlights of my dash! And of course, I must give mention to those I know and love already: @rosieartsie and @magefaery​ <3

On Reading

I did manage to get a fair bit of reading in this year, all things considered. I would’ve liked to read more, but there’s been a lot for me to adapt to this year. Here’s the list (the ones I especially liked get an asterisk*):

Dune, Frank Herbert They Both Die at the End, Adam Silvera When No One is Watching, Alyssa Cole Manhunt, Gretchen Felker-Martin* Zachary Ying and the Dragon Emperor, Xiran Jay Zhao* Entangled Life, Merlin Sheldrake* The Time Traveller’s Wife, Audrey Niffenegger* A Dowry of Blood, S. T. Gibson* Nothing but Blackened Teeth, Cassandra Khaw Blood Scion, Deborah Falaye Terciel and Elinor, Garth Nix Gideon the Ninth, Harrow the Ninth, Nona the Ninth*, Tamsyn Muir Woom, Duncan Ralston Things Have Gotten Worse Since We Last Spoke, Eric Larocca manga Beauty and the Beast of Paradise Lost (1-5), Kaori Yuki* Jujutsu Kaisen (up-to-date), Gege Akutami* Boku no Hero Academia (up-to-date), Kohei Horikoshi Kimetsu no Yaiba (1-23), Koyoharu Gotouge Kaiju No. 8 (up-to-date), Naoya Matsumoto* Chainsaw Man (up-to-date), Tatsuki Fujimoto* Utena: After the Revolution, Chiho Saito JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure (part 1), Hirohiko Araki

And that’s all, really. I wonder where we’ll be this time next year.

[midgardian-witch]

4, 5, 8, 29 :D

Fanfic Writer Asks

4. How many WIPs do you have right now?

I am at 14 at the moment. That is only counting those I have made a Google Doc for already though I have more ideas and planned WIPs swirling in my head.

5. What’s a fic idea you’ve had that you will never write?

It's not a fic idea but I have one abandoned WIP at the moment. It's an Elsa Bloodstone x Reader fic with Elsa and Reader fighting some mixture of a Freddie Kruger-esque dream demon and a succubus/incubus and them either listening or dropping in on eachother having sexy dreams about the other person. I liked the idea but it's not working out how I wanted it to and it since lies dead in my Google Docs and I don't think I will ever finish it.

8. What project(s) are you currently working on?

I am currently working on the sequel to The Consequences Of Being A Brat. I wanted to post it as part of Kinktober but that got abandoned and I am not sure I will manage to post it during October even (given we already have the 29th). Other than that I am sporadically working on some of my other WIPs when inspiration strikes.

29. Share a bit from a fic you’ll never post OR from a scene that was cut from an already posted fic. (If you don’t have either, just share a random fic idea you have that you don’t plan on getting to.)

I started writing some kind of sequel to All That Matters that I haven't finished and don't think I will ever post. I can give some context if people are interested but for now I'll just post this snippet under the cut:

You saw Bushman looming over his desk, bits and pieces of paper strewn about the surface. As you approached slowly you couldn’t quite make out what he was looking at. They seemed to be photos: cheery, smiling faces looking at the camera, a kaleidoscope of colors and people. 

Until your eyes zeroed in on one picture, one familiar face. 

"I am so sorry, my friend" He said as he saw realization dawn on you. 

These were wedding photos. And the groom, a huge smile on his face, was Marc. 

Instead of elation, of the weight of grief finally lifting off of you, you felt your stomach sink. Looking at Marc's face, his very alive face, pushed the air out of your lungs. You felt like you were drowning, throat closing off and choking on the wave of emotion that hit you. 

His wife looked beautiful. Even through the picture she seemed like a kind and strong person. Someone amazing and skilled. Someone Marc could fall in love with. 

You always knew you weren't the right person for Marc. He had made it clear. You could deal with that. You were happy for him! After all: to love is to let go. And yet. 

"It's cruel, isn't it?" 

It took all your willpower to tear your gaze away from that picture, from the happy couple, towards Bushman's face. Your brows knit together in confusion before he continued. "You two were so close. To not even try and find you? Or send a message telling you he's ok? That must sting."

It did. But not because of what Bushman was impling, not because of Marc. 

You have me, mi vida. I will never lie to you. I will never hurt you. And I will never leave you.

But he did. He left you. Without a good-bye. Without an explanation. Without a sign of life. 

Jake had lied to you and he had left you. 

And that's what pushed you over the edge. Blood boiling, you didn't realize what happened until you saw your hand clenched around the hunting knife you keep strapped to your boot, the blade buried in the damned wedding photo, right between Marc's eyes. You had never felt rage like that.