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mizutori-heiko · 3 years

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Mizutori’s bakudeku fanfiction master list [complete works]

Really really good writing by these incredible authors. In no particular order! These are all Top!Bakugou and Bottom!Deku. If A/B/O dynamics then it’s Alpha!Bakugou and Omega!Deku. Yes, I have preferences.

Canon World – until 15k

What The Fuck Did You Just Call Me? by reading_raindrop | 8,303 | Izuku starts calling him Bakugou and it pisses the explosive teen off a lot more than he thought it would.

Oh right, you were a little sh*t by SaysiWrites | 5,653 | When Midoriya Izuku gets hit by an age-reversion Quirk, the last thing anyone expected to find out is that Toddler-Izuku is a little shit. Except for one Bakugou Katsuki, who has seen this phase one too many times already. (Bonus+ the entire Little Sh*t (Kidfic) series)

Do Not Disturb by surveycorpsjean | 10,010 | Apply enough force, and something is bound to break.

And Atlas fell by supercrunch | 15,185 | They move in together, after a while. Katsuki joins Best Jeanist and Izuku trains under Gran Torino. They still take comfort in each other every day, curl up in bed and kiss and talk about how life is going. Their live are tumultuous, after all, what with villains and training and rescuing people every week. It’s nice to have something certain. At the end of a day filled with violence and adrenaline, Izuku knows he can come home to someone concrete. It’s perfect. Being a hero is scary and grueling and uncertain, but this part is just right. And then, one day, a child dies in Izuku’s arms.

be loved by bonnia | 5,403 | The kidnapping incident leaves bakugou traumatised about being touched on the back of his neck, and midoriya decides to take matters into his own hands.

Big Protein by Mysecretfanmoments | 13,683 | Bakugou Katsuki has a thriving hero career, an agent to manage his famous attitude, and absolutely zero romantic interest in anyone. With the exception of his favourite health food joint refusing to expand to his city, his life is pretty damn perfect—so why does a viral video revealing Deku's stash of dirty mags involving him and Deku together turn everything upside-down?

Chocolate cake and resin preserved flowers by Anoksun | 11,396 | Izuku loses his memories. Katsuki struggles not to lose Izuku too.

Twin Stars by theperksofbeinglarissa | 8,435 | When Deku saves a woman's life, her quirk is accidentally activated. Her quirk? She reveals a person's soulmate. A star-shaped mark appears on Midoriya's left arm... and on Bakugou's as well. Kirishima is the only one who knows that Bakugou is Midoriya's soulmate, and Bakugou isn't taking the news very well. Can the twin stars of class 1-A work out their differences and find their happy ending?

Unhealthy Fixations by Thesis | 12,522 | Izuku is an adult who knows better than to crush on his childhood bully. AND YET.

Like the Moon by osakakitty | 14,781 | Katsuki Bakugo is having constant, erotic dreams about Izuku Midoriya. He isn’t sure why, but they won’t go away. In order to make them stop, he needs to figure out what Izuku Midoriya means to him.

Worth a Second Shot by cinnabee | 13,080 | Katsuki and Izuku celebrate registering as a Hero Duo together with a big party. What could go wrong?

Like Something Out of A Shoujo Manga by Merrywetherweather | 2,971 | Deku ends up in a rather interesting quirk accident, one that triggers flag events as if he were the protagonist of an otome game.

Canon World – 15k++

Blood Moon by lalazee | 94,860 | The Thank-Fuck-We-Aren’t-Dead Sex had started then, and had never really stopped. Then came the feelings and the fights. The ego, the pride, the jealousy. And then there was Us.

The Way You Used To Do by edema_ruh | 669,463 | During a battle, Midoriya gets hit by a villain whose quirk detaches his soul from his body. Stuck in a ghost-like state, the boy enters a race against time in order to save himself from permanently dying. Much to his luck - or lack of it -, the only person who can see and talk to him in this state is no one other than Kacchan.

Just Like Breathing by MD_Daydreamer | 35,423 | Izuku got engaged. He didn't mind. If that made Uraraka happy, he could do it. He thought his life wouldn't change much.But then, Kacchan went to live in the USA.

briar roses (and hundred years of sleep) by vannral | 15,951 | In which Izuku is hit by a ‘Sleeping Beauty’ Quirk, Class 3-A tries to find his True Love and get them to kiss him, and Katsuki’s very angry about it all.

"what's your type?" by sapphicflower | 20,192 | In order to increase their popularity rankings as up and coming pro heroes, Izuku and Katsuki participate in the most popular late night talk show for hero duos - ‘Heroes Rising!’. They’re killing it, obviously, because they know each other from inside and out. Until one question stumps the two of them: “What is your hero partner’s type?”

and it was Just Right by cinnabee | 23,759 | Katsuki spends two years post-graduation in a furious one-sided competition with his childhood friend and rival's promotional photos - until they finally run into each other, and, well. You shouldn't believe everything you see in magazines. A love story about size differences.

Notice Me, Nerd by useless_donut | 40,000 | Bakugou is in love with Midoriya. He doesn’t hide it, in fact it’s so painfully obvious that the entire class of 3-A has him figured out in a matter of months (days, in some cases). Too bad Midoriya is the most oblivious motherfucker out there, and Bakugou is too damn stubborn to actually ask him out. A love story as witnessed by the class of 3-A.

in your dreams, nerd! by sapphicflower | 37,639 | In a strange and unexpected set of circumstances, Izuku and Katsuki find themselves sharing their dreams together whenever they happen to fall asleep at the same time. Being hopelessly in love with each other, they don’t mind it all that much. What better way to spend time with your crush than in a stupidly vivid dream?

Hear Me by my_name_is_Levi | 22,419 | It wasn’t as if nightmares were uncommon for the freshman class of Yuuei. They’d seen plenty of things, heard and felt and witnessed enough travesty in their lives to last them a lifetime. But Midoriya Izuku was screaming, and no one, not even Bakugo Katsuki could ignore it.

Bridges by supercrunch | 18,018 | Bakugou is signed up for a Calvin Klein modeling gig. The thing is, they really do need the money. And Katsuki's technically the leader of this bunch of morons, so he finds himself taking the job even though his pride will never recover. And even though nobody thought to tell him that he'd be working with his ex-boyfriend. You know, the cute freckled guy from high school who went and broke his heart. So, yeah. This whole situation kind of sucks.

objective truth by mamalade | 15,390 | Izuku gets hit with a truth quirk, as one does. He seems to be handling it well—until Katsuki shows up.

catharsis by dollcewrites | 15,071 | It's been six years since Izuku graduated.It's been six years since he confessed to his childhood friend; his classmate and his inspiration. It's been six years since he deleted Bakugou's number, asked his friends not to mention the name, spent every last effort of his heart turning off the TV and averting his eyes from the newspapers. It's been six, long, long years since he gave up on Katsuki Bakugou ever loving him back.

Here here, my friends and me (You are my familia) by Jeka | 128,832 | Bakugou Katsuki has made a great job of ignoring the fact that he is tragically in love with Deku, someone who could never love him like that and let's face it, he doesn't deserve. Now that he can't ignore it anymore, he has to find a way to keep his childhood friend and move on for his own sake. Or so he had thought, maybe he can have Deku, after all. Izuku has everything he always wanted in life. But suddenly he has to navigate the most important relationship in his life through different eyes.

Canon World – Jealous!

Hands Off by SaysiWrites | 7,140 | When a new girl at school starts flirting with Bakugou, his friends quickly become invested in the idea of their friend experiencing love - even if he doesn't seem at all interested in her. What they don't see is Midoriya fuming in the background. But how can he get rid of her when they've spent so long keeping their relationship a secret?

Surfaces by surveycorpsjean | 25,225 | Katsuki has a new girlfriend, but something isn't right. As impossible as it is, Izuku can't help but wonder what it'd be like to be called Katsuki's girl.

Green-Eyed Beast by SecretKiwi | 4,721 | Everyone wants a piece of Katsuki Bakugou, but they should beware of the Green-eyed beast always lurking close behind him.

Green with Envy by Sol_Morales707 | 2,611 | Izuku Midoriya is not as innocent and pure as everyone thinks he is. The truth was he was very jealous and willing to do anything for a certain blonde.

Happy Camper by Arysa | 7,074 | Wanting a break from the stress of dealing with the rookie Pro Hero grind, a handful of students from Class A decide to go on a camping trip. Izuku's excited to relax and catch up with everyone, especially Kacchan. But, well, Kacchan's... Kacchan. And dating Kirishima.

How to stop time: kiss by Teddingtons | 31,693 | Deku finally asks Uraraka out. Everyone's supportive except Bakugou who can't even look him in the eye. Deku seeks him out after and is hit with truth.

What I Deserve by s_the_queen | 16,671 | When Izuku starts dating a student in General Studies, everyone is happy for him. She's super sweet and really caring. But something doesn't sit right with Katsuki.

Deku's Already Fucking Taken by asdfjkl129 | 20,704 | 5 times people don't realize that Deku is already in a very happy relationship and try their hand at asking him out, and then in Bakugou's unique and special style, get very firmly corrected, +1 time where no correction is needed.

His by sister_elric | 6,206 | Izuku would like to consider himself a pretty level headed individual. Sure, he had the occasional tunnel vision, especially when it came to training. And hero work. And Kacchan. But, overall, Midoriya felt as though he typically kept his cool. Well, maybe that was a stretch. But, at the very least he could understand his own emotions. So, it surprised even him when an unfamiliar emotion coursed through him as a first year approached his boyfriend, Katsuki.

Down the Red Line by MinervaHope | 7,804 | Izuku has been able to see the red strings of fate since birth. It's no surprise that his is connected to Katsuki.

Canon World – Fake Relationship Goes Wrong

how he should’ve known (and how it turned out) by vannral | 43,918 | In which Katsuki and Izuku pretend to be a couple to avoid journalists, the plan backfires magnificently because of course it does, and the act goes on. Includes feelings, pining, domestic fluff and jealousy.

Vicious by feelslikefire | 105,173 | Midoriya and Bakugou wind up in the very last position either of them thought they'd be in: Hero Partners. It's not fun, but they learn to cope. Their first big assignment together takes them undercover to infiltrate a cult, but the situation turns out far more sinister than they first thought.

What I can never tell you by Mikacrispy | 27,067 | After living in the US for 5 years, Izuku returns to take care of a concussed Bakugou who believes they're engaged. Now, Izuku has to pretend he's in a relationship with the man he's loved for most of his life, knowing that it's just a matter of time until Katsuki gets better and realizes it's all a lie.

Not-Dating by MiraChaDoodles | 14,290 | Katsuki takes Deku on a not-date to save his career, only to find himself wishing it were real.

we'll do the things that lovers do by ethereals | 29,544 | Izuku gets an invitation to Shouto's wedding and Katsuki is PISSED that he asks Kirishima to be his date (also he wasn't even fucking invited

Canon World – Friends With Benefits (?)

Four Times Bakugou Katsuki Doesn't Intend to Sleep With Midoriya Izuku (And the One Time that He Does) by fallingraine85 | 17,601 | He hadn’t planned for any of this. He isn’t about to go delving into the ball of yarn that is Midoriya Izuku’s heart; he isn’t equipped to try and untangle and make sense of it all. He isn’t about to try to analyze how he’s feeling about all of this, either.... How many times can you repeat the same mistake?

We Wear Chains on the Weekend by surveycorpsjean | 35,086 | Well, in a day of revelations, it turns out that Izuku isn't as vanilla as Katsuki previously thought. Unfortunately, that fascinating discovery is overshadowed by Izuku's dumbassery, because he has zero concept of aftercare."Don't go to anyone else," Katsuki says, because screw it. He can do a better job anyways. Or; Katsuki finds Izuku on a bad drop.

Just for Now by Shiro_Kabocha | 48,135 | Katsuki's parents are out of town over a school break and to keep him from getting up to any shenanigans, they ask Izuku to house sit with him. What are two teenaged boys to do when left alone to their own devices? (Bonus+ the entire Just for Love series)

safe in the darkness by yoonskisses | 20,855 | Izuku and Katsuki had been meeting up secretly for months, with absolutely no feelings involved. Or so Katsuki thought at least. The dorm gossip about Ochaco and Izuku's new relationship seemed to set a spanner in the works for their arrangement.

Alternative Universe – No Quirks

Bluebird by EtherealBeing | 53,108 | Dialing a wrong number was no unusual occurrence. Everyone did it once in a while, and Katsuki was well aware of that fact. However, possessing this knowledge made it no less aggravating for him to discover — a full two minutes into his rant about his day — that he’d been venting his frustrations to a complete stranger. As if that wasn't enough, said stranger was also inexplicably determined to hear his story to its end.

Someone Borrowed by mynameis152 | 138,996 | It felt like hours that he stared at Izuku, coming to terms with the fact that a man, his childhood best friend, whom he hadn’t seen since their senior year of high school, was there in front of his very eyes. Then his brows furrowed and his jaw clenched before he uttered through gritted teeth the very name Izuku had longed to hear for years. “Deku.”

Dark Side of the Sun by Synnie | 51,598 | Staying up too late playing video games, Kirishima wasn't expecting to get an urgent call begging for help. Next thing he knew, he was letting his classmate Izuku Midoriya take refuge in his apartment - without consulting his always angry roommate.

Manage Me by Justaperson1718 | 10,756 | Izuku becomes Katsuki’s model agent.

Don't Set Your Drink Down by Crandberrycrush | 88,424 | With sudden clarity Izuku realized he had broken the first rule of going out. Never leave your drink unattended.

Livewire by pretty_rekless | 18,160 | Per Ochako's request, Izuku downloads a gay dating app in hopes to finally find a partner. Except every single one of his leads keep ghosting him or standing him up... That is until one hot, fiery blond enters the chat. Grindr/Tinder AU fic.

Drinking Watermelon by warschach | 8,906 | Katsuki works as a camp counselor, and Izuku is a boy made of summer heat and sunlight.

Precious Pet by Mikacrispy | 6,379 | When broke college student Midoriya Izuku found a job that offered lodging, food, and good pay for four hours of work each day, he thought it was too good to be true. But he called anyway. Turns out all he has to do is to be the spoiled little puppy of a rich businessman.

Our Eleven Summers by Dark_Mage_Ayumu | 34,472 | The first time Katsuki met Izuku was when he was eight. For the next eleven years, Izuku changed his life, and no one even knew. Their relationship was something they shared in secret.

sticky note crushes by ladyofsnails | 3,239 | Katsuki hates his roommate. The green-haired, freckled, artsy son of a bitch with his dumb pun t-shirts and paint-stained hands he can’t fucking keep to himself. Katsuki can’t leave a single assignment or paper out in his room because that idiot will just grab anything to draw on it. He’s like a shark that can’t stop swimming else it’ll die – he can’t stop drawing. Ever.

Don't Play Pretend by SweetSide | 10,103 | Actor AU: Deku and Bakugou get the leading roles for an upcoming TV Drama. They weren’t aware that they would be working with each other for who knows how long. It would’ve been completely fine if they weren’t exes.

97.6 FM by jamjars | 32,249 | Izuku can’t stop listening to the radio host with the deep voice who sounds like he’s stuck in 2010. It’s a harmless crush. That is until he starts calling into the show under the pseudonym Deku.

Read {between} Your Lines by greatcloudninja | 52,252 | Midoriya Izuku, up-and-coming actor, has finally hit his big break (...), Bakugou Katsuki, who has been acting for over twenty years.However, Bakugou seems to have it out for Izuku, leading to tension both on and off set. When some incriminating photos surface, the studio suggests (...): having Bakugou and Midoriya fake a relationship to get ahead of the rumors.

I’m not looking for somebody with some superhuman gifts by PassingShadow | 5,522 | Izuku is a professional cuddler and Katsuki is his new client that’s just a little rough around the edges, and needs a natural healing touch.

Alternative Universe – Quirkless Deku

A Good Old-Fashioned Tattoo AU by lalazee | 14,437 | After their paths had split, Bakugou & Deku meet again as adults. While Bakugou begins to repent for the kid he used to be, he also starts to prove himself as he the man he is now.

Call Me a Safe Bet (I'm Betting I'm Not) by WTTTD | 10,803 | He wished he had some sort of heads up before seeing Deku again for the first time after nearly two years, looking like the essence of a lazy Sunday, smiling and surrounded with brand new, adoring friends. It was a little fitting that Katsuki burned for him so badly. (Support Department Deku)

In Which Kacchan Has a Ruff Time by OneshotPrincess | 14,511 | Bakugou Katsuki gets quirked into a dog, gets adopted by an unknowing Izuku and generally has a very rough few days full of realizations

While You Were Sleeping by Belkacaramelka (annabelleg) | 71,197 | The one where quirkless fanboy Midoriya Izuku rescues Pro Hero Todoroki Shouto, gets mistaken as his fiancé while he is in a coma, and gets caught up in the most unlikely fake engagement... until his childhood enemy and Todoroki's classmate Bakugou Katsuki tries to catch him out, and they both end up discovering a lot more about each other than they'd expected.

Let Me Assist You Personally by Seeress | 32,806 | Izuku is long-suffering Personal Assistant to #1 Pro Hero Dynamight.Dynamight can't keep a PA to save his career. They all quit crying after a few days weeks. Enter, Izuku—with enough money problems to brave the jaws of the cranky beast. Childhood friend turned glorified paid slave. Somehow it all works out. ‘Kill them with kindness’, his mom had told him once. If that were true, Bakugou Katsuki would be stone-cold dead by now.

Smile For The Camera by kurokonekokilled | 19,179 | Midnight has a cam site, home to millions of users, but one catches Katsuki's eye when he goes scrolled through it in search for something to help him release a little stress. A live stream and the best orgasm of his life later, his wallet is lighter, and he might be almost as obsessed with this Deku guy as the cam boy is with him.

Just Like The Comics by brichibi | 24,935 | Where Izuku works at a comic book shop because that’s as close to a hero as he’s gonna get, and Katsuki plays the part of heroic ex-boyfriend who is good at everything except winning Izuku back... maybe

Alternative Universe – Quirks

Get on my Level by Mikacrispy | 92,273 | Bakugou Katsuki is a Pro Hero whose boss demands him to take an intern. Midoriya Izuku is a UA student who needs an internship. When the two of them are put together, they learn about what it truly means to be a Hero and what it means to be in love.

A/B/O – Secret! Baby

Home by Emerald2402 | 87,214 | Midoriya Izuku left Japan in a rush, moving to America without a word to anyone else. But then almost 11 years later he arrives back Home and Bakugou Katsuki's Alpha is furious. Fuck that, Bakugou is furious, because Midoriya Izuku, an omega he tasted one time, has been keeping a very big, very blonde haired, green eyed secret.

Those Under the Same Stars by PerpetuallyPerturbed | 325,553 | When Katsuki Bakugo left Izuku Midoriya five years ago, he thought it was for forever. He put aside dreams and wishes of the omega to focus on his career. He was going to be the best hero, after all. He couldn't have an omega getting in his way. So when he's stopped on the streets one day by a pup begging for help for his mom, he isn't prepared to face what he gave up, and what the consequences of his actions were. (Quirkless Deku)

A/B/O – Quirks

Mark Me. Make Me Yours. by decadentbynature | 10,062 | Midoriya is the only Omega at UA and he's been hiding it well but there's one issue that threatens to expose him: his attraction to an Alpha, Bakugo. After being told to give some paperwork to Bakugo, Midoriya lets him into his dorm room and is immediately overwhelmed by his scent. Unable to help himself, he gives in to his urges, only to be discovered by Bakugo but instead of becoming enraged, Bakugo decides to give Midoriya exactly what he wants

Claim Me by ScientificallySinful (VampireGaaraCheesepuffs) | 114,449 | Being an Alpha has nothing to do with Katsuki's success as a Pro-Hero, the same way Deku's Omega status hasn't kept him from becoming Number Two. Secondary gender doesn't mean anything nowadays and “mating” is an antiquated practice. So when Izuku, his rival, asks Katsuki to Claim him in the middle of the night, there is only one logical thing to say. “What the fuck?”

Change of Plans by Mikacrispy | 185,965 | Alpha Pro Hero Bakugou Katsuki never planned to get married to some random omega but what he wants isn't an option anymore. One for All wielder Midoriya Izuku has suffered injustice too many times and doesn't plan in allowing his secondary gender to dictate how he must live his life. Falling in love was never in the plans.

Going Feral For You by ANGIE_fic | 17,977 | Bakugou has an aggression problem that might have to do with his Alpha. His job is on the line because of it. So what do you do with a pent up Alpha? Yes.Rut. (Quirkless Izuku)

i live for you, i long for you by jeonjeonggukkkkkie | 19,165 | The five times Izuku hinted he wants Katsuki to spend his next heat with him, and the one time Katsuki took the hint.

Baby's First Bloom by ContraryBee | 44,945 | Izuku blooms for Katsuki one warm day in their third year of middle school. What follows is both boys learning about themselves, their bond, and the society they live in.

As Fate Would Have It by ScientificallySinful (VampireGaaraCheesepuffs) | 88,737 | Katsuki Bakugo had plenty of reasons why he wasn't mated yet, not that he was going to explain why to just anyone. But now, Ground Zero was running out of time. If he didn't find someone soon, he'd lose his position as a Pro-Hero and he'd never get to be #1. So, when he finds out there's a male Omega recently arrested for prostitution that's headed to prison if he too doesn't get a mate…well it must be fate. (Quirkless Izuku)

A/B/O – No Quirks

Gravity by warschach | 71,477 | Izuku is back in his hometown and plenty hasn't changed much from the 8 years he was gone. Except, Katsuki Bakugou, the alpha king of their small town. He's hotter- because that's fair, right, God? -, stronger, a now-famous pro fighter, and noticeably nicer this round.Not that he cares, pfft. (Fine, he cares.)

Nine Months by greatcloudninja | 23,303 | Omega Midoriya Izuku connects with Alpha Bakugou Katsuki through an online singles ad. Izuku pays Katsuki to help him with his heat, ending up pregnant in the process. What follows is a pregnancy filled with ups and downs, but whatever hurdles come their way, they can make it through together.

The long dark by Ominous-Anonymous (Ominonymous) | 13,289 | He could have been really dangerous. He could be a fucking murderer for all he knew. But Izuku Midoriya, ever the reckless daredevil, was not thinking of that when he got into a car with a complete stranger. Completely ignoring the part where his mother always taught him to never gets into cars with alphas he didn't know...

#bakudeku #masterlist #fanfic masterlist #katsudeku #holy shit i can't believe i did this #mizutori’s personal post archive #bakudeku fanfiction #my hero academia #boku no hero academia #alpha bakugou #omega izuku #bnha fanfiction #bnha #mha fanfiction #fanfiction masterlist post #bakugou katsuki #midoriya izuku #archive of our own #ao3

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pillage-and-lute · 3 years

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The Stars Are Not Wanted Now

Was this among my list of WIPs I posted recently? No. Not at all. Because it popped into my head fully formed and hurt my feelings so I decided to make it everyone’s problem.

TW: Believed character death (not real) ,grief, discussions of hallucinations.

Title cheerfully stolen from W. H. Auden’s Funeral Blues

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It took Geralt almost an hour to realize what he’d done. He’d sat and stewed and wished his tearducts would give him more catharsis than a handful of small drops. He wanted to sob, really cry, eyes red and face wet, but his body let him down. He stared for a while at the dirt. At the footprints in the dirt.

They weren’t his. They were from Jaskier’s stupid shiny boots. Impractical boots that gave him blisters, but he’d only had enough money for one pair and he needed ‘court boots’ apparently. And he was walking down the mountain in those silly boots and a doublet that wouldn’t keep him warm as the mountain air chilled with night and Geralt had just let him go. Geralt had made him go. He didn’t have any gear, they shared gear and Geralt had made him leave.

Geralt’s slow, witcher heart beat double time as he realized he might have murdered his bard.

Roach huffed at him for being gone so long but he shushed her and loaded her up as quickly as he could. He needed her, and Jaskier needed him.

Geralt followed the footprints like a bloodhound, eyes and senses searching, but his mind wandered behind. Their relationship was such an odd one, Jaskier always traveling ahead or staying behind. Bards needed audiences and witchers needed wilderness, but they were never more than a few days from eachother, and every town Geralt went into he could be sure Jaskier was there. There had been exceptions of course, when bardic festivals or court appointments swayed Jaskier’s path, but he always came back. It was down to the separate nature of Geralt’s Path, with the capital P, and Jaskier’s path. Bards traveled between towns, straight shots, rarely sleeping rough, so his bard didn’t need gear, and it would only slow him down. Witchers wandered, fighting a monster here, collecting potion ingredients there, and coming to towns only for contracts and coin.

Geralt’s eyes scanned every inch of the track, never missing the boot prints, noting the depth of them, the scent of sadness lingering. A human would have missed the single, red thread caught on a bush, the shade of Jaskier’s stupid, too thin doublet. Geralt’s fingers plucked it from a branch.

He remembered how, in the first years of their acquaintance, he’d watched the bard walk away each time, believing he’d never see him again. But Jaskier had always come back. He’d circle around or wait in the next tiny village, playing ditties for barmaids and he’d greet Geralt with a smile that struck something sensitive and previously well protected in Geralt’s chest. Slowly Geralt had started expecting Jaskier’s presence and those treasured smiles.

It had come with detriments, that was true, Jaskier talked so much Geralt wondered how he found the air and he was foppish and disinclined to wake before noon. It was just that, so slowly that Geralt didn’t know how it had happened, those faults found favor in Geralt’s eyes.

And now he’d told Jaskier he was a burden. That he wanted him gone. As Geralt had grown to treasure his bard he’d stopped expecting Jaskier would leave him and started fearing he would instead. Geralt had just been the creator of his own nightmares, doing to their friendship what wind, weather, time, and age could not.

That was the thing, Geralt thought as his eyes scanned the trail, near invisible in the dark. Age. Jaskier was forty at least. Crow’s feet, Yennefer had said. He would have to leave Geralt sooner or later, settle in some city and see him only if Geralt sought him out. The impending end to their precious routine rolled Geralt’s stomach and took over his thoughts. Now, though, well, how weak was a forty year old human? Strong enough to go down the mountain in the dark? It seemed so, which was frustrating. Geralt was going as fast as he could while tracking Jaskier’s every footstep, but even his magical eyes only saw so much in total darkness. Jaskier was hiking blind.

A new scent drifted to Geralt’s nose. Wolf. A mixture of fur and wilderness and wet dog.

And blood.

Geralt let go of Roach’s reigns, sprinting as best he could, letting his nose lead him. He could smell blood. He followed it into the trees, crashing through the brush, careless of the briars that tore at him. He didn’t even smell his own blood, it didn’t matter, he didn’t care. All his senses narrowed down to the smell of Jaskier’s blood and...

and his eyes saw red. a torn doublet,

Geralt lurched forward, hoping, praying that it didn’t mean what he knew it meant. He clutched the rags to him and he stumbled. His foot hit something.

A boot. A stupid, shiny boot and it reeked of blood. Geralt let it fall from numb fingers. A tiny beam of moonlight struggled down, gleaming dully off of leather. Geralt knelt before the instrument case, smelling blood on the strap, feeling the contours of it. When he lifted it it was heavy. Jaskier had died alone on a vicious mountainside, devoid of his beautiful doublet and his lute.

Geralt felt a puff of breath on the back of his head. Roach had followed after him, picking her way through the forest in the wake of his mad dash. He pressed his face into her mane and finally felt tears flood his cheeks. She settled beside him when he no longer had enough water to cry and he just stayed there, knelt between tree roots and bushes, cradling the lute and a scrap of doublet that still smelled like chamomile.

He didn’t move until dawn.

When the runny light of morning came Geralt just moved on. Whatever had happened to Jaskier’s body, he couldn’t see it. Of course the bard deserved a proper burial, and Geralt cursed his weakness all the way down the mountain, but there mightn’t be much of Jaskier left to find. Geralt felt sure that if he saw his friend like that he’d simply lay down next to him and die too.

He already felt like he might.

Geralt moved on, physically. He moved around, slinging Jaskier’s lute up with his saddlebags. He wandered between towns and fought monsters, going north in a roundabout way. Going home.

Kaer Morhen was going to be cold that year, it always was, and Jaskier was never there, but without the hope of Jaskier’s smile in the spring the cold seemed to have taken residence in his soul.

Geralt wasn’t eating well. He couldn’t bring himself to do more than chew a few pieces of dried meat. He drank a lot and didn’t sleep and took too many risks when fighting monsters. It was foolish, he knew, it was how witchers died, getting sloppy like that. He did it anyway. And on the rare nights he did sleep, he clutched the tattered piece of doublet. The chamomile scent was slowly fading and Geralt feared when it left entirely. It and the doublet were all he had.

In light of all of this, Geralt wasn’t that surprised when he finally lost it. He heard music in a tavern and it sounded like Jaskier. Every bard sounded like Jaskier now. There were no instruments, just an achingly familiar voice. Of course, Geralt still had the lute.

When he walked into the tavern and saw a bard turn, saw Jaskier smile wide at him, Geralt didn’t even flinch. His medallion was still on his chest. This was no ghost, he had simply lost his mind.

Geralt sat at the bar without looking away from the apparition, and his heart swelled as it sauntered towards him. Jaskier looked so lifelike, so alive. There wasn’t a scratch on him. He was exactly the bard Geralt remebered, no crows feet to be seen. He was dressed in blue, not unlike when they had first met. Geralt’s heart twisted as he remebered all things he’d said, and, even worse, the things he hadn’t. His heart was thundering in his ears, blood rushing, everything else tuned out. It didn’t matter that Geralt had gone crazy, Jaskier was here and so beautiful and Geralt loved him so much that it hurt.

“Mind if I join you?” The hallucination said. Geralt just stared. He wasn’t going to talk to it, there were enough rumors about witchers without the townsfolk knowing he was crazy.

“C’mon, now, Geralt,” the faux Jaskier said. “You wouldn’t keep a man with bread in his pants waiting.”

Geralt just stared as the bard pulled a half-eaten roll from his pocket and winked. The hallucination stopped smiling, shoulders slumping. “I’ll go,” it said.

“Stay,” Geralt whipsered immediately. He was alright with going crazy because this last bit of comfort was so tantalizing, so real Geralt could almost reach out and touch. “Please,” he said, even quieter. “I’m sorry.”

Jaskier beamed and sat and ate and Geralt wondered idly who the bartender served in place of the man he knew couldn’t be there.

Geralt had thought the hallucination would be gone in the morning, but the vision of Jaskier was standing by Roach the next day, a travel bag over one shoulder. Okay, Geralt’s brain was in it for the long haul. Fine, but there had to be rules. That momentary weakness last night couldn’t happen again. He needed to get to Kaer Morhen soon if he wanted to beat the snows and there could be no distractions. So, no talking to the bard.

It was very hard not to talk to the hallucination. It traipsed and danced and prodded and teased, but when it got not even a hum in response the exhuberance dimmed. That was horrible. Geralt didn’t need the reminder that he’d hurt Jaskier’s feelings, he’d already killed him. The proof was walking right beside him.

Something in Geralt felt healed, though. It was why he didn’t try to fix this. Having Jaskier, even if it wasn’t real, was nice. He wondered what would happen if he reached out and kissed the bard. It was his hallucination after all. The thought, though, that he would reach out to Jaskier, who looked so real and alive, and feel nothing but air....Geralt would rather go through the trials again. It would be like losing Jaskier all over.

One night, when the hallucination reached out for the instrument strung on Roach’s saddle Geralt tensed. Some part of him believed that if this shade of Jaskier was reunited with his beloved lute he’d go, dissappear and leave Geralt all alone again. He didn’t, of course. This wasn’t a spirit, Jaskier wasn’t tied to this realm by the lute. He was a figment of Geralt’s tortured mind.

He played Toss a Coin and Her Sweet Kiss. As far as Geralt knew, Jaskier hadn’t finished the latter, but his imagination finished it anyway. It hurt to hear Jaskier singing about love unrequited, it was obviously about Yennefer but that...that wasn’t Geralt’s love. Geralt’s love had be eaten by a mountain. Red sky at dawning, Geralt had had enough of red. It didn’t put him in mind of Yennefer’s lips or of rubies or harpies or anything else, but Jaskier’s doublet, the scrap still hidden in Geralt’s bags, and some words. “See you around, Geralt”

The apparition continued to play, but Geralt turned his face away. Maybe this was torturing him for killing his only blessing.

At the crossroads of the northern mountains Geralt paused. He had been walking besde Roach, resting her for the trek up the Killer, with Jaskier’s lute across the saddlebags and his hallucination trailing along behind. This was where Jaskier always parted from him in the autumn, and the hallucination stepped forward, reaching toward the lute on Roach’s back. Geralt felt ice down his spine.

His hallucination was going to leave, of course it was, Geralt had never brought Jaskier to the keep, but to be there all winter without this small, fake comfort would kill him.

Geralt wrapped his hand around the lute strap, ready to pull it from the nonexistant fingers of his dead companion. “No,” he said.

He slung the lute over his shoulder and walked toward the Killer, praying that his failing mind wouldn’t choose now to become sane. To his relief, the hallucination followed.

On the way to the keep the vision changed into a warmer cloak and gloves and Geralt marveled at the detail. He wondered if he wasn’t dead himself, or asleep and simply dreaming, but he kept going up the trail, hearing the crunch of Jaskier’s shiny boots on frost. The vision talked and Geralt loved its voice and cursed the sound.

Night was falling when they reached the gate of the keep, and Geralt could see three lit lanterns, one for each brother and another for Vesemir. He paused, watching the lights come closer. He drew a breath, in through his nose, smelling pine and chamomile, out through his mouth. He couldn’t let the others know. He had to pretend that the ghost of all his regrets wasn’t doggin his steps. He flexed his fingers on the strap of the lute.

“Don’t just stand there, idiot, get in here, it’s cold,” Lambert called. Eskel smiled at Geralt and took Roach’s reigns, cooing to her as Geralt followed Vesemir and Lambert into the hall.

The fire was lit and warmth seeped into Geralt’s numb fingers and toes. Vesemir raised an eyebrow at him.

“Aren’t you going to introduce your guest?”

“What?”

“Vesemir shook his head. “Gods almighty, Geralt, I didn’t raise you boys with much manners but I thought you had some.” Then Vesemir turned to where the vision of Jaskier stood. “You Geralt’s bard?” he asked.

“There’s no one there, Ves,” Geralt hazarded.

Vesemir scowled at him. “Stupid prank to play on your old teacher. Never get an apprentice, lad, they’ll take your sanity and all your time.” That last part wasn’t aimed at Geralt. It was like someone had poured fire into Geralt’s veins.

“You can see him too?” he asked, quietly.

“What game are you--” Vesemir began, but Jaskier’s eyes had gone soft with understanding.

“Oh, Geralt,” he whispered.

Geralt stretched out one shaking hand and caressed his bard’s chilly cheek. Jaskier leaned his face into it and brushed a kiss against the palm. “I’m so sorry, dear heart,” he said, stepping closer to Geralt and wrapping his arms around his neck. “I should have known something was off.”

“You were dead,” Geralt said into the crook of his neck. “There was blood and your doublet was shredded, and you left your lute behind.”

“You truly thought...all this time? Geralt, I thought you knew,” Jaskier said, warm breath brushing Geralt’s ear. To his surprise, Geralt was crying, tiny, bare tears and shoulders shaking.

“Knew you were alive?”

“That too, but dearest, I’m a changeling, on the mountain I...I was so sad I just wanted to run away, and I was so tired, so I became a wolf.”

“Changeling...you’re fae?”

“Only half,” Jaskier said. “Or less, I’m not sure, but I can change into all the animal of the forest.”

“You never have.”

“It’s a painful feeling and you can’t play a lute with wings or paws but I was overwhelmed so I just...oh darling I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean for you to think--”

“I smelled blood.”

“My boots, you told me to buy the practical ones, but I didn’t listen.”

Geralt pressed his forehead against Jaskier’s and felt the warmth of him. “You’re alive,” he said. “You’re real and you’re alive.”

“You thought all this time I was a ghost?”

“A hallucination,” Geralt said. “A good dream, or torture for killing my...”

“Killing your what, darling?”

“Killing my love. Letting my greatest blessing be taken from my hands. I thought it was penance, my love.”

Jaskier leaned in and kissed Geralt softly. His lips were soft and perfect and too chapped to be a dream. His breath tasted like the jerky they’d eaten on the trail and it was real. When he pulled away Geralt leaned back in and kissed him again.

“Nothing I said on the mountain was true,” he mumbled against dry lips. “Not a word. I love you more than life itself.”

“I love you too,” Jaskier said. “And I won’t leave again, not even if you tell me to.”

“I won’t,” Geralt said. “Never again.”

#geraskier #the witcher #geralt of rivia #post mountain #jaskier #geralt x jaskier #angst with a happy ending #fake character death #tw: grief and mourning

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buncha-bitches · 2 years

Text

some general headcanons

i’m just gonna make a new headcanons post every time i think of enough new ones

- Briar used to never swear before he met the gang, now he swears only for comedy

- and also to spite Aubin who’s started saying stuff like “watch your language” when someone swears after Clem complained about him nagging them too much /lh

- Aubin and Maru have a lot of nightmares, it’s not uncommon for them to both have a nightmare on the same night. when that happens they usually stay up the rest of the night together (or at least until they get too tired)

- Clem is Awful at keeping house plants alive, the only reason they have any that are even slightly well kept is because of Briar

- Aubin will often smooth out his own feathers as a way to calm himself when he’s stressed

- he also makes little chirps and trills and coos, but mostly when he’s upset or really excited

- Maru coughs a bit of smoke when he’s sick, or when his powers aren’t working properly

- Clem practically adopts a ghost she stumbled upon somewhere, and she builds him a little round robot body he can possess, he can also possess other electronics as well

- he can hover around as a robot, but he also likes to just roll around on the floor like the silly goofy boy he is. he’ll roll around you in circles when he’s happy to see you

- his name is Comet

- Clem is more of a romantic than you’d expect her to be, but she made Briar promise not to tell anyone

- when they’re alone vs when they’re around others isn’t That big of a difference, they still do the seemingly never ending back and forth bickering and snarky comments meant with the utmost affection but when they’re alone they’ll be slow dancing while they do it

- Comet definitely knows

- Aubin was always the one affectionately teasing Clem for catching feelings for the local forest deity and she would definitely not hear the end of it if he found out that she was a secret sap

#hcs

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disastermages · 3 years

Text

[read it on ao3]

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Yu Ziyuan lingers outside the bathroom door, one hand pressed to her throat and pulling at an invisible noose while one stays braced against the door. She’d heard Meng Yao’s voice and she’d heard splashing, but he says he’s fine, he doesn’t need her to come in.

What would she do if he did need her? The bathroom door was locked, was she expecting to put her shoulder into it and push past it? Wei Ying would fix any damage she managed to cause, he was good at that, but in the end, Yu Ziyuan lets herself walk away after saying too much. Far too much.

That smothering, choking feeling doesn’t go away, even as Yu Ziyuan walks away from the bathroom, her chin held up and her heels tapping against the floor. She pretends that she doesn’t hear Meng Yao go into Lan Xichen’s room, just like she pretends she doesn’t know about Lan Xichen sneaking down to his room at all hours of the night. For a brief moment, Yu Ziyuan wonders how stupid they think she is, any of them, but there’s no point in dwelling on it, not when she opens the door to her own room and her eyes fall onto Cangse’s back.

When they’d been alive, Cangse and Wei Changze had occupied the west wing of the manor, they’d each had their own rooms, but that hadn’t mattered at all.

“You don’t come to this side house very often anymore.” Yu Ziyuan presses her hands against her stomach as Cangse turns to her. It was always easier to stare at her head on, she looked like she did the day she was buried that way, if Yu Ziyuan looked into the mirror, she would see Cangse as she had been when she’d died, blood trickling out of her neck and down her arm to curl around her ring finger.

Yu Ziyuan does not allow herself to glance into the mirror.

“A-Li called me.” Cangse says simply, her voice there and not. Cangse’s hair hangs in her face despite the fact that at her funeral, Yu Ziyuan had brushed her hair back again and again. She should have tied it back, that’s what Cangse would have done if she’d had the choice. “She had another nightmare.”

Cangse lowers herself onto Yu Ziyuan’s bed and crosses her ankles, letting herself turn see through and sad for just a moment. She might have been happier, Yu Ziyuan thinks, if Wei Changze had lingered on with her, but he hadn’t, he’d left her with Yu Ziyuan to look after her. Yu Ziyuan’s tongue burns and her palms start to sweat. The silk of her teal shirt suddenly feels sticky and full of briars, and Yu Ziyuan permits herself to frown as she sinks into the chair across from her bed. It used to sit right across from the full length mirror, but Yu Ziyuan had moved it herself.

There had been a time where her daughter had sat between Cangse’s knees to have her hair done while Cangse had sat in this chair, Yu Ziyuan had done her makeup at a vanity that was no longer against the same wall and looked back at the two of them.

Cangse would tell Yu Ziyuan’s daughter stories and make her laugh and Yu Ziyuan would blot her lipstick and try not to laugh with them, though she hadn’t stopped herself from poking holes in Cangse’s stories, or correcting them, when Cangse misremembered.

“Meng Yao had one too, in the bath.” Yu Ziyuan says suddenly, her hands resting on her knees to smooth her skirt, violet and more vivid the longer she forced herself to stare at it.

“I know. I can’t protect them both at the same time.” Cangse had never apologized for anything in her life, but this sounds like an apology, and it makes Yu Ziyuan shake her head, well manicured nails dig into her knees. She’s vaguely aware of the way Cangse bounces up and down on the bed, not enough to make the springs creak, but just enough to remind Yu Ziyuan that she’s there.

“I want to tuck him in, Ziyuan.” Cangse makes the request the same way she always does, her voice brittle and desperate.

“Wei Ying is almost seventeen, he’s too old to be tucked in.” Yu Ziyuan knows that she’s only arguing because it’s part of their routine. She’s supposed to resist at first, and then Cangse is supposed to convince her, one mother to another.

And she does, “You still look in on A-Cheng and A-Li.”

Yu Ziyuan is helpless but to watch as Cangse rises from her place on the bed and comes to stand next to her. She’d been taller than Cangse, and she still was when she stood, but Yu Ziyuan lets Cangse stand over her, a cold hand with blocky, chewed nails coming to rest on her arm. “Let me look in on him, please.”

“Alright.”

It wouldn’t have happened if Cangse and Wei Changze had done things in their proper order, but Cangse had done things her own way, just like she always did. The proper order was engagement, then marriage, then children, but Yu Ziyuan and Cangse had gotten round with their sons together, and their fathers had decided that the boys would always be friends.

Yu Ziyuan wondered, her son could have turned out to be very much like her, after all, and he did, and Wei Ying was his friend anyway.

It wouldn’t have happened if Cangse hadn’t waited until Wei Ying was four to get married, it wouldn’t have happened if she hadn’t insisted on taking him on their honeymoon with them. Yu Ziyuan had offered to watch him so they could go alone, but Cangse was stubborn, and she’d already decided that she and Wei Changze would take him along.

Jiang Fengmian had insisted on driving to pick them up. Yu Ziyuan had been the better driver, but he’d still insisted, and Yu Ziyuan had sat herself firmly in the passenger's seat, her arms crossed over her chest.

A-Li and A-Cheng were with her mother, there wouldn’t have been room in the car otherwise, Yu Ziyuan remembers that.

She also remembers the blaring of a horn, and then another, but the impact had thrown her head against the dashboard, and the airbag had hurt. It had hurt, and then it was gone and Yu Ziyuan was cold, though not the kind of cold that came from being dead. She was cold because someone had set her onto the wet asphalt. Her face still hurt.

Another someone had knelt in front of her and shined a flashlight into her eyes, their voice had been a constant, intelligible mumble that Yu Ziyuan couldn’t focus on. She’d swayed where she sat, and eventually, she’d been allowed into one of the ambulances.

The bright lights hurt her eyes, but she hadn’t been allowed to close them.

Wei Changze was dead before they reached the hospital, but it had taken a week for Cangse to die, and Yu Ziyuan had sat at her bedside for most of it, with Wei Ying perched on her knees and his head on her shoulder. His arm was in a cast and a sling, but they allowed him to return to the manor with Yu Ziyuan after she’d been cleared.

She’d tried to rock him while they sat in the hospital room, but Wei Ying didn’t have to say anything, Yu Ziyuan knew she’d been doing it wrong the whole while.

Her arms weren’t home to him.

“Aunt Yu?” Wei Ying looks up at her with bleary eyes now, his eyebrows screwed together, and her hand twitches with the thought to smooth the crease between his eyes, “Was my mom here?”

Gathering her fingers into a fist, Yu Ziyuan nods stiffly. The least Cangse could have done was walk her body back to her own room, but she’d left her leaning over Wei Ying.

“How do you always know it’s her?” The question had left Yu Ziyuan burning every time, but only now does she bring herself to ask, her voice careful and her shoulders back and straight, as if she were preparing for a fight.

For a moment, Wei Ying thinks, forcing himself to sit up as he does it. His finger taps against his nose, Yu Ziyuan has to choke down the urge to catch his wrist and push his hand down. Wei Ying looks too much like his mother, Yu Ziyuan has known this since he was born.

“She always wipes your lipstick off before she comes in.” Wei Ying points and grins and he looks even more like her. Yu Ziyuan’s stomach twists and she doesn’t stop herself from reaching up and touching her bottom lip, hoping to smear whatever color was left, but there is none, and her free hand goes to clutch at her stomach.

“Go back to sleep.”

There’s a gentle hand on Meng Yao’s cheek, the thumb stroking back and forth as lightly as possible to coax him out of sleep and into the waking world, but Meng Yao resists, burrowing his head harder against Lan Xichen’s chest, though it only serves to make Lan Xichen laugh. The sound of it is what makes Meng Yao look up, his eyes cracking open slowly against the early, blue light of a cloudy morning.

Lan Xichen is still laying on his side, his body still between Meng Yao and the door, but one hand props up his cheek and the other is stroking through Meng Yao’s hair now. “A-Yao makes it very hard to wake up in the morning.”

Their legs are still tangled together and it almost makes Meng Yao forget why he’d stumbled into Lan Xichen’s room last night. His nerves had been on an ever thinning thread last night, but now they’re steady and smoothed out, as if someone had carefully set them back to rights, one by one, fiber by fiber.

“You could just pretend that I’m not here, you know.” Meng Yao says softly, sleep still clinging to his skin and throat, his hand smoothing over Lan Xichen’s chest, as if they did this every morning, “Just do what you usually do when I’m in my own room.” He hadn’t meant to encroach on Lan Xichen’s space, but he had, and Meng Yao tries to move away, but Lan Xichen follows after him, his arms reaching for him to keep him from going any further. Meng Yao allows himself to be caught and held against Lan Xichen, a smile spreading across his face.

Without hesitation or a second thought, Meng Yao kisses Lan Xichen, just a peck because Meng Yao is far too weary of both of them probably having morning breath, but both of his hands still drift up to Lan Xichen’s face, though they come away with Meng Yao, falling to Lan Xichen’s shoulders instead.

“I can’t pretend that you’re not here when you do that,” Lan Xichen smiles and kisses Meng Yao’s forehead. Lan Xichen’s hair had stayed in it’s braid, but a few strands had come loose while they slept, so Meng Yao strokes them back, out of his face, “I told you once before, A-Yao, that I wouldn’t want to leave my bed if you were here, and here you are now.” Lan Xichen sits up on his hip and leans over him, and Meng Yao does his best to keep him from going far by wrapping his arms around Lan Xichen’s neck.

Meng Yao raises his chin up just for the sake of tempting Lan Xichen, and it works, Lan Xichen’s thumb catches at Meng Yao’s bottom lip, the weight of it pressing down. Neither of them had thought about that the night before, there’d been too much fear and too much hurt. Meng Yao had only sought the home that lay in Lan Xichen’s arms.

They can’t, not now, they’d be heard, even if they tried to keep each other quiet, but Meng Yao wants to, and he thinks that Lan Xichen wants just as much as he does.

“We should have gotten up earlier.” Lan Xichen sighs mournfully, but his hand still reaches for Meng Yao’s shirt, the look deep in his eyes changing again. “I won’t look if you don’t want me to, A-Yao, but can I? Just to check, that’s all.” Meng Yao feels something click in his throat, but he nods, even as he squeezes his eyes shut. Lan Xichen could look, but he didn’t want to. Lan Xichen murmurs something, but then he’s moving until he can kneel between Meng Yao’s legs and peel his shirt up slowly, reverently, as if Meng Yao were something precious and fragile.

Warm, perfect hands smooth over Meng Yao’s stomach and Lan Xichen breathes a sigh, as if he were seeing something beyond magical. “A-Yao, they’re gone.” Meng Yao is almost certain that he doesn’t hear Lan Xichen properly at first, but then one of those perfect, perfect hands is pressed against his cheek while Lan Xichen hangs over him again, “Look, there’s nothing there, I promise.”

Meng Yao opens his eyes because he trusts Lan Xichen’s promise, and when he looks, nothing is on his stomach, save for Lan Xichen’s other hand, his thumb pressing proudly into the soft flesh. The bruises around his neck had only just faded completely, Meng Yao had expected the marks on his belly to linger on and burn and itch, but they only leave the memory twitching in the back of Meng Yao’s head.

Before Meng Yao can stop him, Lan Xichen is leaning down and kissing across the width of him, from rib to rib, as if he could erase the memories from Meng Yao’s dream, just by that alone. Meng Yao’s breath comes out in a choked sob, but when Lan Xichen calls his name, Meng Yao closes his eyes and shakes his head.

He’s fine, he’s fine and the marks from his dream are gone.

Lan Xichen crowds in closer and Meng Yao sits up slowly, letting Lan Xichen pull him into his lap when he tugs him forward. Meng Yao hides his face in Lan Xichen’s neck and covers his stomach with one hand. “They were there, we both saw them.” Meng Yao’s voice is unsteady, but Lan Xichen nods, covering Meng Yao’s hand with his own.

“They were there. We still have to talk to Yanli, you promised me we would do it this morning.”

Despite the emotions climbing up Meng Yao’s throat like a vine, he still smiles tiredly against Lan Xichen’s throat. “Did I promise? I don’t remember.” Meng Yao knows that he hadn’t promised anything, but he knew they had to, Jiang Yanli might already know, whether they told her or not.

“A-Yao.” There is warning in Lan Xichen’s voice and thunder rumbles above them.

“I have to sneak down to my room to get dressed, before everyone else wakes up.” Meng Yao whispers, but Lan Xichen still doesn’t let him go right away. Neither of them had thought about this, Meng Yao had only thought of one thing, and Lan Xichen had only thought of the other, the two of them meeting hurriedly in the middle because they’d been afraid to miss each other.

Their clock is ticking quickly, but Meng Yao still strokes Lan Xichen’s cheek, even as a burst of rain starts to come down. Lan Xichen would have to spend the day teaching Jiang Wanyin and Wei Wuxian after breakfast, and Meng Yao would have to spend most of the day in his office or with Jiang Fengmian, they wouldn’t see each other until dinner.

A frown gathers on Lan Xichen’s face, but Meng Yao doesn’t lean down to kiss it away, not yet. “Will you leave your office door open? Just a little? So I can hear you if you call for me?” Lan Xichen’s voice is quiet, but Meng Yao hears him clearly, and the memory of the claw marks on his belly burns.

“I’ll leave my door open, just for you, A-Huan.”

Without another word, Lan Xichen nods, tilting his face down and forcing himself to loosen his arms around Meng Yao. It wasn’t enough, Meng Yao knows it’s not enough, but he still presses a kiss to the side of Lan Xichen’s nose as he stands. He would have to run as quietly as he could to his own room, but he still wastes another second to kiss Lan Xichen’s knuckles.

He expects Jiang Yanli to already be in the kitchen, but he doesn’t expect to see her standing outside of his bedroom door, her eyes staring blankly at the floor in front of her. Both her sweater and her skirt are loose, but neither of them make her look any bigger than she is with her arms wrapped around herself.

“Miss-- Yanli?” Meng Yao calls, feeling as underdressed as he is, but Jiang Yanli turns slowly, letting Meng Yao catch her with her nails between her teeth. He doesn’t expect her to sigh in relief.

“You weren’t answering when I knocked, I was beginning to worry about you.” The purple and the red of Jiang Yanli’s sweater threatens to clash, but it’s pulled together at the last minute as she refuses to move from where she stands, starting to lift her nails to her mouth again, but she stops herself. “A-Yao…” Jiang Yanli starts and stops and starts to pace, her sneakers sliding across the floors, rather than the clicking of her mother’s heels.

“A-Yao, when will you be finished with my father this afternoon? I’d like to ask you to walk through the woods with me, but if it interferes with your work, I’ll just…” Jiang Yanli doesn’t finish her thought, but her agitation tells Meng Yao what she’s getting at. If he wouldn’t go with her, she’d go out on her own.

Swallowing, Meng Yao makes himself clear his throat, “Mr. Jiang informed me last night that he’d be leaving for Lanling this afternoon,” Meng Yao had been invited, though he’d declined as politely as he possibly could, he didn’t have to guess who Jiang Fengmian had business with in Lanling, “I’ll only have a few ends to tie up for him, we can go afterwards.” Jiang Yanli nods, brightness creeping back into her eyes as she allows the sleeves of her sweater to cover her hands, leaving only her fingertips visible.

He would tell Lan Xichen, Meng Yao has already decided that, but what if he insisted on coming with them? What were they even going to find out in the woods? Meng Yao doesn’t know, but he and Jiang Yanli finally walk past each other, him with one hand on the door of his room and her lingering on the last step of his short flight of stairs.

“Another thing, A-Yao,” Jiang Yanli says, taking care in the way she speaks and Meng Yao feels something well up inside of him, but he’s not sure what it is, “I’m making sweet buns to go with breakfast, Mother prefers hers without the extra sugar sprinkled on top, but A-Xian likes his with even more extra sugar, so I thought I might ask how you’d like yours?”

Meng Yao almost laughs. Only Jiang Yanli could ask a question like that so seriously, but when he looks back at her, he knows she means it.

“There are anise seeds in the bread.”

“I’d like the extra sugar, if it’s alright, Yanli.”

Finally, Jiang Yanli smiles and nods before she walks up the stairs as quietly as she can, one hand pressed against the wall.

Meng Yao watches after her until she’s gone, only then does he disappear into his own room.

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pterodactylterrace · 3 years

Text

Guys Like You Chapter 6

Title: Guys Like You

Chapter: 6

Chapter Summary: More of a filler chapter, not much Henry, I’m sorry.

Rating: 18+

Warnings: Mentions of abuse, pregnancy, poor self image, bad coping mechanisms, low self esteem.

{Prologue} {Chapter 1} {Chapter 2} {Chapter 3} {Chapter 4} {Chapter 5}

"I already told you, Faye! I don't want anything to do with this!"

"So because I want to keep my babies, you're leaving me? Is that what you're trying to tell me, David?"

"Yes! Shit, I knew you were dumb, but seriously!"

"Excuse me?"

"Are you deaf too, whore? How do you even know I'm the one that knocked you up? You've slept with just about every guy in town!"

"Get the fuck out."

"Don't come crying to me later! You're nothing without me! No one is ever going to want you. Especially once you have kids. Who the hell wants used goods? Have fun living a life of regret!"

Faye jerked awake, her head spinning as she tried to catch her bearings. Did David really leave her just like that? Sure he wasn't the greatest, but he had never lashed out like that before. At least not where anyone else could witness it.

No. David's gone. He has been gone for almost four years now. New life. Starting over. It's all in the past now.

Have to get the baby up before the sitter comes. Work is coming up soon. Life goes on.

"Briar, what are you doing on the floor?" Faye chuckled, crouching down next to her daughter, curled up on her pillow by her bed.

"I'm a puppy." Briar yawned in explanation, holding her arms up to be lifted, promptly licking her mother's cheek as soon as she was up.

"Briar, we talked about licking people."

"I'm not Briar, I'm puppy."

"Ok then, puppy, no licking people. Now what do you want for breakfast?"

"Puppy food."

"Cereal it is."

Feed the toddler, quick shower, get dressed, throw her hair up away from her face, wait for the baby sitter, hugs and kisses goodbye, then off to work. The usual routine she had settled herself into.

Feed the baby, because she's hungry and she comes first.

Shower, because she probably has some sort of mystery goo on her from the toddler.

Get dressed, avoid the mirror. No one wants to be reminded of how much they've changed. The softness she wasn't used to around her lower stomach, hips and thighs. Her breasts no longer as perky as they used to be. The stretchmarks competing with her tattoo's for attention.

Then, the hardest part of the day. "Ok, Briar, Mrs. Anderson is here. Mommy has to go to work. I love you."

"I love you too, Mommy." Briar responded, hugging her mother tight and kissing her cheek before she was sat back down.

"Have a nice day, Miss Warren."

"I hope she's not too much to handle."

"Never is."

Some days, Faye likes to pretend she's ok. Like she has a handle on things. Like she knows what she's doing and not just blindly stumbling through her life while trying to do right by her daughter.

Other days, she would absently push her sleeves up and her eye would catch on the black lines decorating her forearm, just below her elbow. Some days she's reminded that life is a bitch, and you can't always get what you want. On those days she tried to stay out of her own head, though that rarely worked.

She could slap on a smile with the best of them, but she could never force it to reach her eyes. Her face always remained an open book, free for anyone to read. The past creeps up on you. There's nothing you can do to stop it some days. On a bad day, the ghosts of the past will haunt your mind, echoing the worst days of your life into the void of your shattered heart.

"No one is ever going to want you!"

"You're nothing without me!"

"Who wants used goods?"

"I'm sorry, Miss Warren. There was nothing we could do."

Over and over on a seemingly never ending loop, reminding her of the darkest times in her life.

Why would anyone want her? She's not the same hot twenty six year old she used to be. She was soft. She was saggy. She would never be as attractive as she used to be. Anyone in their right mind would turn around and run once they realized how much she had let herself go.

Days like today were best spent keeping people at a distance. Tell them some story about being tired. Avoid anyone that is going to call her out on her obvious lie. Therein lies the problem with dying your hair obnoxious colors. Among a sea of blonde and brunette, powder blue tends to stick out and make it almost impossible to vanish.

Lie your way out of it. Survive another day. Tomorrow might not be better, but at least it won't be the same.

"Mommy, you're back!" The sweetest sound she could hear all day.

"I always come back, my little love." Faye assured, kissing her daughter's head.

Need to care for the baby. She comes first. She deserves the world. Play time. Dinner time. Bath time. Story time. Bed time. The same after work routine she had established months ago when she decided to drop everything and run.

Her daughter thought the world of her. She would do anything to see her smile. She would wear the stupid costume. She would pretend to be a horsey. She would let her daughter use her as a jungle gym. She would make the same dinner again for the third night in a row for her. So what if she soaked the bathroom floor during bath time? She was a mermaid, and she wanted to show off her tail. Story time, always an adventure with her imaginative little girl. What world would they find themselves in today? Dinosaurs? Princesses? Mythology? A rhyming book?

Ah, yes of course. Her current favorite, the book about the dinosaur cleaning his room. She was a girl obsessed with dinosaurs at the moment.

"Mommy, where's my Papa?" Briar asked, staring intently down at the page depicting a mother and father watching the dinosaur throw away paper scraps.

"Don't worry about him, sweetheart. He wasn't a nice man." Faye explained, resting her cheek on her daughter's head.

"Can I have a new Papa?"

"Maybe someday, sweetheart."

"Can Spider-man be my new Papa?"

"Why do you want Spider-man to be your new Papa?"

"He's my boyfriend!"

"That's not how it works, silly. If he's your boyfriend, he can't also be by boyfriend! Pick another hero!"

"Batman!"

"Well, he is rich." Faye mused, Briar giggling happily. "Now it's time for bed, my love."

"Ok, Mommy. I love you!"

"I love you too, Briar." Faye whispered, kissing her forehead. The nightlight was switched on and the door was left cracked open, just in case. Now for her seldom used free time.

Should she sketch some more? Finish that painting she started forever ago? Ever since she started a "real" job, her art had fallen by the wayside. She was too drained to do much after work and caring of her daughter.

Maybe some drawing will lift her spirits and keep the nightmares at bay tonight. But what to draw? Not in the mood for still life. Brain too fried for something straight from her imagination. Her usual model was sleeping, and her last few self portraits had been a serious blow to her ego. She just drew what she saw in the mirror. Then, when she was finished, she decided she should have worn more clothing before she drew herself. What was supposed to boost her confidence and empower her as a woman instead left her wondering when exactly she developed that roll when sitting in that position.

"Fuck it. I'm drawing a moose." Faye grumbled to herself, turning the page from her self portrait to a blank sheet. Half an hour later when she was trying to remember what a moose's antlers looked like, she finally picked up her phone. Seven unread messages? That seems like a lot. When was the last time she looked at her phone? Oh yeah, when she got home, five hours ago.

All from one person. So she wasn't ignoring everyone at least. Seven messages, all from Henry. Shit. That's not good.

Are you ok?

You seemed off on set today

You didn't even talk to me

Did you at least make it home alright?

Can you send me a sign of life?

I'm sorry if I upset you or something. Can you please talk to me? I'm genuinely worried.

Please?

Well, fuck. Here she was playing unicorn apocalypse with her daughter, and this poor guy was worrying himself to death.

Sorry, I was drawing a moose

Perfect way of saying "I wasn't ignoring you" while also avoiding his persistent questions about her wellbeing. The good old 'drawing a moose' excuse. Works every time.

I think your moose aged me by ten years. Are you ok?

Just had a bad day

Anything I can do to help?

Squeeze me until I stop struggling and my spine snaps

That's called 'murder' Miss Warren

I knew there was a name for it

Is there anything I can do for you that involves less prison?

Nah, if you're not going to take me out, then I'm not interested

I'm not going to take you out by murder. I will take you out on a date.

Faye froze, staring at her phone. He was just playing around, like he always did. No way he was serious. Henry liked to flirt, and she wasn't about to throw herself at him over a joke. She had more dignity than that. So how does she respond? She can't just ignore him, and taking forever to respond is going to give the impression that she was freaking out over what he said.

She was completely freaking out over what he had said, but he didn't need to know that. Was he just looking to get laid or something? Probably. He had gotten pretty close the last time he had been over. There's a difference between dating and screwing, though. He was probably just looking for someone to fuck while waiting for a woman worth his time to come along. Faye was broken out of her thoughts by her phone going off again, alerting her to a new message. Didn't he know she was busy having an existential crisis?

If you're free on Sunday you can come over and show me that moose your working on

*you're

Smart ass

Sunday?

I'll have to see if Mrs. Anderson can watch Briar

Bring her along. She keeps asking me about Kal

Pretty on brand for her

Sunday?

Sunday.

Sunday. What to wear on Sunday? He was probably looking for a little something something for his time, so something slutty? She got rid of all her slutty clothes after she had Briar in a fit of self hatred toward her new mom bod, so that was out. Besides, he wouldn't have invited Briar over too if he was looking to get laid.

So what does one wear on a casual 'date' these days? She had until Sunday to figure that out.

Tag List: @Xxxkatxo @Weallhaveadestiny

#henry cavill #henry cavill x ofc #henry cavill fanfic #henry cavill fanfiction #guys like you #guys like you fic #triggering themes

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marshmallowprotection · 3 years

Text

Iris

Pairing: Choi Saeran/Reader, 707 | Choi Luciel/Main Character

Description: Was there faith in a false paradise with a savior that spilled honey sweet lies to make you agree? There is no life to be found amongst those in a rotting flowerbed, only those clinging to the roots as the world awaits your demise. Why is he still here when others had long been plucked from the dying earth? And better yet, why are you still here after everything, clinging to his roots as if he’ll bring you life? Or is he the one clinging to you?

SE Saeran x Former Believer Reader

Word Count: 8500

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Chapter Thirteen

“What?”

“...”

Saeran’s hand recoiled from your body the second that you’d said that name. The name that he’d only heard in his nightmares and night terrors. He felt hiswha heart start to tremble and shake with such dread. He hadn’t heard anyone say that name except when he had screamed it alongside his nightmares. He didn’t know what to say. He didn’t know what to think. Hearing that name from your lips made him want to retch.

It haunted him and… it was chasing him even in his waking life. Somehow, Jihyun knew who you were and what you meant to him. He never even once thought that Jihyun was an option. He just couldn’t bring himself to think that it was possible… since that man seemingly appeared out of the blue one day when he was amid Paradise and the Savior—no, no, Rika—had demanded that he listen to Jihyun.

He never thought...

He had never thought for a single moment that that would ever be something that would happen. Saeran had done everything humanly possible within his reach to make sure that nobody would have any idea who you were. It was everything that he could do at the time because he only had so much power within his hands. He was only allotted so much power for a reason.

He tried to delete everything about you that he could that would ever scrutinize your past. You were meant to be a blank slate just like anyone else that was within the walls of that place. He had done his damnedest to make sure that nothing existed about you that would get you into trouble for anything. Saeran hadn’t even realized why he was doing it at the time. It wasn’t until later that he realized—

A part of him wanted to leave Mint Eye to be with you. This part of him that he thought had been dead for a long time… like a little whisper in the back of his head that said to believe in hope and a world of chance. A weak-willed voice that dared to dream of something different from what safety defined. The part of him that was supposed to be dead… it had told him to try, and he wasn’t the type to listen to orders.

That dangerous thought was something that he would never act on, but seeing you in that state of torture? It made something inside of him snap. It felt like the thorns that had been holding him in place for so long had started to cut so deeply into his skin that he needed to cut them away if he’d wanted to live.

In a way, he had snapped the briars and thorns but he did so by locking you away and destroying lives. You were supposed to be found and brought to safety. He hadn’t made any plan other than that, he had enough clarity to know that Rika was going to do something horrible. Even if he had believed in her and wanted to cling to the hope that she would’ve listened to him. He knew deep down at that point that she wasn’t going to listen. Even if damned himself, he had enough in mind to keep you safe.

Even as he lost control of himself, you weren’t meant to ever be around him ever again, he decided that he needed to get you out. He wasn’t wrong to assume that his twin had called the RFA to try to come after them, and he held out that you would be okay, but if he had managed to tell Rika to do otherwise, he didn’t know what he would’ve done. He wasn’t sure that he would’ve been able to do anything.

His devotion back then had been his livelihood.

Without it, he was more or less nothing.

He had planned on getting on his knees and begging if he had to, but when he stormed into the throne room? She had changed all the rules of the book and finally broke everything inside of him with the wave of her hand. She screamed at him and he realized that he meant nothing to her and that’s how he wound up in this place. It shattered him and he broke down. He had just been a tool to him all that time, and she didn’t love him like a son.

He was disposable.

After all those years of pushing himself to his limit for her sake and for what he thought was going to make him happy, he meant nothing to paradise and neither did you. It broke him. It broke him and the pieces were still digging into his skin day after day. He was doing better now but hearing all of this was chipping away at what little progress he had made.

Those memories were behind him but they were also dead ahead. He knew that finding you again was a sign that he couldn’t run anymore but now that he knew what his plans were for nothing, he felt sick and angry. He felt so angry that his blood was starting to boil and the tense feeling in his jaw felt like it was going to snap into two.

This wasn’t who he wanted to be anymore, his anger was enough to destroy him and to destroy anyone who got close to him, but he didn’t want to be someone that broke things mindlessly in the world anymore, he didn’t want that, he didn’t, he didn’t—

But hearing you say that name had made Saeran Choi spiral.

That had been his plan and he intended on keeping it. He had no idea how anyone had found you but he wanted answers. Now he was even angrier to know that the reason why you were even here in the first place was because of V. It was one thing when he just assumed it was Jumin… hunting for answers and ignoring the boundaries.

However, in those last weeks that he was living in Magenta, it felt like he didn't understand what was happening around him. Nothing he knew was adding up anymore. He started doing things that just didn't line up with what he once believed in. He started taking risks and doing things that he never would have done before meeting you. After the incident in the apartment went wrong, it felt like he had no idea who he was anymore.

It was like he was living in a state of delusion that wouldn’t go away. He threw away your elixir and made you fake ones… he realized that his Savior had started lying to him and the process of being hurt by the person who promised him to always love him changed him. He committed to that damned place for years of his life and she repaid him by torturing him and trying to use you as a puppet against him.

A puppet… not even a person, just a toy that could be held over his head and used to make him do anything she wanted. Coming to realize that had weighed on his shoulders and it wasn’t until she had broken him that he figured it all out and the truth set him on a different path. You changed his world and he repaid you by locking you away and trying to keep you from him and the very place that you found solace.

Deep down, he knew that you weren’t meant for Mint Eye in the first place, they had preyed upon you in a vulnerable state… as they did with anyone else who joined. You might have been angry at yourself and what you suffered, but you had a good heart that wasn’t cruel and vindictive. At the end of the day, you were someone worth saving.

He had never met anyone like that and the fact did not pass his mind readily. Saeran had been drawn to you for a reason. A reason that he knew very well and it had to do with the Irises, Lilies, and Roses. Those memories were gone from the present but they lingered in his field of vision as he tried to make sense of his reality and the more that he imagined you from the start to where you were now, he felt angrier with your position.

Even if you were willing to do things for his sake, you weren’t a bad person like he was. Even if you had done things by his side, you weren’t doing it to hurt others because you liked pain. Even if you bite your tongue and never show your heart, you would never turn your anger onto anyone, you’d press your hand into his and let the feeling sweep you away. However, most important, there was one thing you weren’t that he was.

You weren’t a murderer like he was, either.

The blood was pumping so hard that he could hear it in his head as he stood up and glowered at Jumin Han with everything he had in his bones. He didn’t stop to think twice about what he was doing, storming across the room and shoving Jumin against the wall, it caused a loud thud but it seemed as though the businessman wasn’t even phased by what happened. The shock was written on his face but at the same time, he seemed as if he prepared for that.

Saeran didn’t like that.

His voice felt foreign to him as he growled, “You mean to tell me your boyfriend is the one that bought [Y/N] into this mess? Not only that, you used me as a bargaining chip to get them to talk to you in the first place?”

“[Y/N] has consented to everything we’ve discussed. They are not forced to speak of anything that has happened to them if they don’t want to. Their testimony is already enough to deal with what is to come with the trial,” Jumin’s voice was calm and almost too composed given the fact that Saeran had him pinned. “I have never forced them to speak of you. There have been no grounds to speak about you given the circumstances of your security needs.”

“Bullshit,” Saeran scoffed.

“I understand your animosity but frankly, trying to lash out at me isn’t going to change the fact that what is done is done, Saeran.”

“ What’s done is done, Saeran, ” he sneered, his voice laden with sarcasm and vitriol that he couldn’t deny in any way. “Cut the crap, bastard. Don’t tell me you’re trying to play the moral high-card like you always fucking do. Nobody believes it. They never did. We all know you’re barely hanging on right now, drinking yourself to death, and trying to use others to find out what he didn’t want you to know in the first place.”

His fists clenched tightly at the collar of Jumin’s shirt and his eyes began to feel damp, “You know, if he would’ve come to you a long time ago and asked for help with his girlfriend who wanted power to manipulate others into never leaving her while hiding the fact that he broke his promises to protect that idiot and me, maybe none of us would have this problem in the first place! Better yet, he could’ve just done us all a favor and got rid of himself before he ruined our lives! I would’ve fucking been grateful if I never had the displeasure of—”

The bitter laugh that shook and rumbled inside of his chest haunted him. But, he couldn’t stop himself now that the dread started to pile up inside of him again. He was losing control of himself as he shoved Jumin harder, not paying any attention to the sounds of banging and trashing that he heard around him.

It was like the world was dissolving around him and only the anger burned. It lingered and he couldn’t stop himself. He knew that he couldn’t. He knew that he was going to ruin all of his progress and hurt himself but he was so angry that he couldn’t stop. It was his curse, this anger inside of him burned like a venom that had yet to be removed because no vein was strong enough to remove it.

He never wanted to be this man again.

But, he was so angry and someone had to pay for it. He was so fucking angry that he needed to do something about it before he lost everything that he wanted to hold onto. He shook Jumin again as his hands dug into the fabric of his shirt.

“How dare any of you! How dare all of you! I’ve already suffered in hell and I live in hell every day of my fucking life now because of what happened. The only fucking peace I had was knowing that [Y/N] was out there somewhere safe because nobody knew they were connected to me in the first place! Yet, once again, that bastard went against everything I wanted and he snatched it away from me again! How do you think I feel about any of this?!”

You…

He had done everything to protect you in the end and it still didn’t even matter. They stomped on his thoughts and hopes like they were nothing and for what? His life was merely a game that many people wanted to play and this was the price of that. This was the price of their games. He refused to be a pawn anymore. He was tired of being a toy. He had always been a prop for other people to help themselves.

Never again.

Never.

Never fucking ever.

“It’s funny because sometimes I think he wanted to suffer in silence because he liked it better that way. He liked suffering because suffering was all he knew. He looked me into my eyes and told me he would protect me and then he left me to rot! His life was chaos therefore he damned all our lives with chaos, lie to yourself, tell yourself all you want, but it’ll never change the fact that that bastard failed all of us, and what does he have left to show for it?! A pile of dirt with his name on it because I fucking killed him— ”

The broken laugh that escaped him was the most pathetic sound that he had ever heard. Saeran didn’t realize it yet but there were tears in his eyes and his body couldn’t stop shaking. Saying those words aloud for the first time made him feel sick and like the world had started to spiral around him, Saeran had been in denial for a long time because he blacked out that day with the gun in his hands and his panic surged over him, letting him—

Did he even shoot with intent to—

Did that even matter when he—

Monster.

You’re a monster! You’re a miserable monster who destroys everything he touches! It’s your fault, it’s your fault! You ruined all of it! His mind screamed at him as he stood there in the horror of his words, and the voice sounded so much like his mother it made him recoil and jump away from Jumin out of fear from the sound.

Saeran was standing there again, the sound of the church bells striking against the ground almost as if the Mint Eyes were counting down the final moments in his memory.

His vision had started to fade and his body disobeyed him, feeling lost and confused, afraid of being dragged down into the basement where he wouldn’t be able to get you out alive, afraid of realizing that his purpose in life was meaningless, afraid of thinking that maybe his brother had cared, afraid of thinking that for once, maybe V had been right—

The memory flashed over and over in his mind… playing in slow motion as he lifted his gun and clutched his head, screaming in agony and begging for the pain to stop. He hadn’t even looked at the room around him until someone tried to touch him and get close to him, and V had been the one to get too close to the sun.

He closed his eyes and his hands acted without thinking, fearing he was going to be killed or destroyed or thrown away—

Bang.

Silence.

Bang.

Silence.

Bang.

Silence.

Bang.

Silence and then… the sounds of screaming and wailing as his body succumbed to shock and he passed out where he stood. Bloodstained his clothes and his hands to such a degree that he could feel the sticky warmth against his hands. It wouldn’t go away, it wouldn’t go away, it was all his fault. It was all his fault and he couldn’t take it back, he had done what he thought he always had wanted to do but it felt like hell.

It wasn’t the paradise that he had been sold all that time and you weren’t with him. He was alone and he was going to—

It was like the walls were closing in and there were hundreds of eyes watching him from all sides and they were judging him for—

His own words haunted him and he wasn’t sure if he was screaming them or if his memory was the one saying them. "Get away from me! All of you! Don't come near me! If you take one step closer, then I'll kill everyone in this room! If any of you come near me, I’m going to— I’m going to— I’ll, I’ll—”

“Saeran, you’re safe,” Saeran felt a breath escape him as he looked over in the direction of that familiar voice and he found himself looking into his brother’s eyes. The terror was written over his face must’ve been horrible because Saeyoung looked like he was about to cry. His brother approached him and the two of them sank to the ground together as Saeran’s legs caved underneath him and the dread pooled inside of him.

“You’re not there anymore. This isn’t Mint Eye. You’re here with me and I’m not going to leave you again. You’re safe. You’re not in danger and nobody’s going to hurt you. You don’t need to protect yourself. There’s no danger here. I promise. I promise you that.”

Reality came flooding forward all at once. He was in Jumin’s building and he had come to meet with you to talk about everything. But, he lost control of himself when he heard about what had happened to you and what you went through. He lost control of himself and everything that he’d shoved away had come to the surface.”

Saeyoung must have known.

He must have known this was going to happen.

He would’ve been listening and on standby, huh? That made sense. They didn’t trust Saeran to act normally so they wanted Saeyoung to be his watchdog. While that made him sick, he didn’t have the strength to shove his brother away just yet. His stupid voice had been what pulled him out of the episode, anyway.

Why couldn’t he stop shaking?

“Iris… Iris… she’s going to take them away… away… they’re going to take Iris away now, I can’t… I can’t… I can’t stop… no good… no good… not good enough… they… they’re locked away… I can’t... I can’t… I—”

“They’re okay, Saeran. They’re right there.”

And he turned his head to look back at you, only to see that you had covered your mouth in shock and distressed tears had begun to escape your eyes. The sight physically pained him as he realized he lost control of himself again and he revealed the truth of his crimes in front of you. He wanted to reach out for you but his body wouldn’t let him. This was what he wanted to avoid when he had met you again.

He was utterly and completely disgusted with himself and the tremors just wouldn’t stop. You hadn’t run yet but the fact remained, even if you knew his monster, this was a devil, and much, much more than knowing his ugly thoughts. You knew many of the things that he thought and wanted to do with the world at large. But, this wasn’t a plan and it wasn’t a dream.

Because it wasn’t a thought.

It was something he did.

Yet, much to his horror, you approached him anyway as your footsteps echoed in that quiet room filled with four people. You paid no mind to the realization that he had a brother or the fact that there were a lot of things that you didn’t understand. You didn’t even ask him or demand answers or look to the others in the room to make sense of whatever you were thinking. Your eyes never left him for a single moment.

Was there something wrong with him?

Or, was there something wrong with you?

You threw your arms around him so tightly at that moment. He stiffened and found himself unable to return the gesture but he buried his face into the fabric of your sweater and just let himself break down and cry for the first time in a very long time. You weren’t afraid of him, you weren’t disgusted with him, and you weren’t trying to run away from him. You were holding onto him with such intensity.

It was like you weren’t afraid of him.

You never had been afraid of him, had you?

He was so tired of trying to escape his feelings but there was no way to escape them anymore. He had come to the edge of the cliff and there was nothing but a drop below him. He was scared and tired of this. He just wanted to stop. He just wanted to see the sky and never think again. He had dreamed of sitting there with you underneath the sky.

Your playful jest that he could try every single flavor of ice cream he wanted with you by putting it all into one bowl and having that sweet moment with you and only you. That was the dream that he wanted. But, he couldn’t even face these demons. How could he ever face something good if he couldn’t confront the darkness and blood on his hands?

Did he even have the right to hold you with these hands when these were the very same hands that killed someone in cold blood?

“We’re not there anymore, Saeran,” your voice spoke to him in the darkness of his anxiety and it’d had the same tremble as his but somehow, it was much calmer than his voice. ”We’re not in Mint Eye anymore. Whatever happened, whatever you did, whatever I did, whatever they did, it’s over now. It’s over… it’s over, but we’re together again, okay? I promise I won’t leave you again. I promise.”

If there was a God, they had mercy on Saeran just this once.

—

You had felt like you were in a daze for days… weeks… months…? You weren’t sure anymore of what day it was. It felt like it could be years from the last time you opened your eyes and said a word to someone. Your throat felt dry and even the smallest bit of light made you want to retch and pray for mercy to come your way from someone’s hand. If someone would knock you out once again, it might’ve been okay.

It might’ve made you believe in something, maybe God, maybe someone who cared enough to pity you just long enough to stop the pain… but no relief came.

You wound up in the basement where you never wanted to be in the first place. You hadn’t been there in a long time, months, or what felt like years behind you. You hadn’t been there since your introduction to the group and you never wanted to wind up there again.

It wasn’t that you hated the way that people were welcomed to paradise. They say that it takes you reaching your lowest point to be able to find true release from agony. That wasn’t a lie because the pain cleared your mind enough to make you see something that you’d never seen before. It gave it a name and gave you a reason to think more about how you meant nothing to the world and how it would be easier to let go and accept this price to find joy.

It made more sense when it was the Savior talking you through what you needed to hear, when it was someone else with cold hands and an unfeeling heart, you were left gagging and unable to see what you wanted to see. You thought that elixir would help, you thought that it would bring you some peace from your confusion and headaches but it didn’t.

Something about the elixir burned more than anything you’d ever tasted. Somehow, the pain was worse and you felt like you were going to lose every fiber of your being. You were tolerant of the dose that you took but what they fed you over and over tasted like… well, it tasted like what they gave to Unknown. The acidic smell and burning ache that lingered afterward… tasted like the kisses Unknown shared with you.

Except, the fire was worse and you wanted to stop it.

It felt like what you thought you knew had been thrown out the window. It was like paradise had turned sour. No amount of Unknown kissing you and making you drink your elixir was ever going to wash away the pain that you felt as you laid in that basement, cold, damp, and disheveled.

You felt like a wet dog that had been left in a monsoon. It was like you were forgotten until they wanted to torture the dog again.

When you had gone from feeling as if you were something important from being someone who was relatively invisible, you hadn’t known what to think about what you were going to see and experience. In many ways, it felt like you might have been able to focus on what you wanted to do with your life instead of focusing on living the way that you always had.

There was no judgment in Magenta, but there had been isolation. Working with Unknown hadn’t taken away the isolation by all intents and purposes, but it had changed something in such a way that you could never go back to living the way that you had before this all started. There was no way for you to go back to living in isolation the way that you had been.

There was just no way to be the person that you used to be.

You didn't think you wanted to go back to being that person. You weren't sure that you knew how to be that person anymore. But the more that you ruminate over everything, the more that you felt like you were losing every ounce of control of yourself. You were left abandoned in that basement and it made you feel miserable.

The one person that you thought you could trust turned their back on you, and the other person that you had faith in was nowhere to be found. Unknown had not come back. There was no sign of him. It was almost like he didn't even exist, but you knew that he existed. You knew that he was real. You knew that he had been there. So the longer that you spent in that basement, the more that you felt like everything was fake.

The more time that you spent feeling like you were isolated, the more that it appeared as though you were losing control of everything that made you what you were. In your state of delirium, you weren't sure whether to believe that it was the elixir that was doing this to you or if it was just the way that it had always been for you. They left you abandoned in this basement because they wanted to break you.

You didn't even know why they wanted to break you.

You didn't know what you had done wrong.

You weren't sure that you ever had done anything wrong. How could you? You were always giving your life to this cause. Were you being punished by association? She said that Unknown’s failures in his mission were also yours, but what did that mean to her? What had happened and why were you here? All of these questions haunted you and there was no way to receive an answer to any of them because you had been abandoned.

You didn’t know that, for sure, but you knew that something went wrong and because of it, you were sitting here where only pain lay ahead of you. It was horrible. It was the worst thing that you had ever felt. It hurt and it stung… it wasn’t the paradise that you had been handed. It was much more like a personal hell than anything else. It didn’t make sense.

Nothing made sense anymore!

Your head was spinning and you couldn’t at all remember what happened since you came down here, but you could remember pieces of what it felt like to be in the basement. The darkness, the feeling of hands holding you down, burning, burning, burning, screaming, begging, shouting, and then nothing. It was a cycle of wash and repeat until you didn’t know anything but the pain that was coming.

It was no way to live and it left you feeling like you were going to suffocate. You already had, time and time again, when they would return to the basement and ask you to plead your case and repent your sins against paradise. Their words didn’t make sense to you anymore and neither did the sound of your voice. You had no energy left to scream after being left to rot on the wet ground of the dungeons.

When you first came here and found yourself so readily welcomed to the gardens, you never once thought that you would be staying in the fabled basement that was only meant for those that had horrible thoughts who became corrupted by the liars and the monsters of the outside world. That wasn’t you. You never had faith in the outside world. You never believed in it because it had never believed in you.

So, why were you left in the dark?

Why hadn’t Unknown come to save you?

Was he suffering, too?

Did he leave you?

Had he abandoned everything for some reason?

All of these questions and not enough answers, it was the story of your life that knew no bounds and there was no way to find anymore. You had no answers to clutch onto and no amount of the way that you pulled your body against the dirt and stone was going to give it. You lamented this as much as you could because it was the only thing you could do. You had nothing. You were nothing and there was no other way to exist.

This was the way that you were going to die, wasn’t it? That was the only thought that you could think. Everything that you knew was being thrown into the dirt and you were going to rot in the ground. Nobody ever cared and nobody was going to care now. Everyone that you thought cared about you that's seemingly throwing you away like trash because you were no longer useful.

You already lived this song and dance once before. You weren't sure that you could live through it happening again. It was hard enough the first time and Mint Eye was the only thing that had been there to give you faith in anything to keep trying to live your life. At this point, you didn't even have that. If this was it for you, you weren't sure that you wanted to know what came next.

Every time you thought that the darkness was going to cover you and give you a reprieve from the feeling of pain that you had inside, it was swept away the second you woke up out of a stupor and realized that you were sitting there alone in the darkness. It felt like the universe had begun playing a mean trick on you. Time didn’t add up anymore and reality was shattered like a mirror that hit the ground.

You wished that Unknown was there… your outstretched hand did nothing as it leaned out to get a hold of the bars that were just beyond your reach. Even if he was here with you, you would have no way out. He would’ve just been suffering by your side. Even if he was there… he would wind up the same that he had whenever he took too much of the elixir on a bad day. Nobody deserved to feel like this. You weren’t even sure the traitors deserved to be tortured like this.

Wasn’t paradise supposed to be forgiving and allow for you to have a chance to be saved the right way instead of this? Of all the things you had been told to imagine over the months that you’d been here, you never thought that people were being subjected to this over and over again. You had once believed that they would take a smaller dose of elixir and have serious conversations about what they needed to be saved and stop the sin.

What was paradise, then?

All of these thoughts made you feel sick.

You wanted things to make sense. But, you were being punished for something that you didn’t even do and that broke a lot of your faith. You wished, no, you prayed for the Savior to say that she had made a mistake and that she wanted to make amends for it. But, the longer that you were in the basement, the more that you came to the revelation that you meant nothing to that woman. You meant nothing.

You were nothing.

Over and over again, you listened to the thoughts that were brewing in your mind. It just kept coming and coming by the minute. For what felt like the hundredth time, you found yourself on the cusp of being awake and asleep, only to realize that you were moving. Your bleary eyes were very unfocused and the feeling of daylight against your skin made you wince. You didn’t understand what was happening—

You had just been laying on the ground in a puddle of your exhaustion in the dark, and now it felt like someone was helping you stumble through the halls. Your breathing was heavy and the old feeling of tingles returned to your spine. Standing upright made you feel like you were going to be sick but you hadn’t eaten in days and the only pity you’d been spared was some water when you’d drink all the elixir they demanded.

You were parched, starving, and likely looked like you had been left for dead. You tried to see who had come to whisk you away but you couldn’t lift your head. You just had to follow along with the steps they took and pray that your head stopped spinning around and around and around.

This took a while as you weren’t sure where you were going, but eventually, you found yourself bathed in the darkness again, with your body slumped against a couch with a familiar scent. If you had anything left to cry, you would’ve cried at that moment. There was that faint scent of pine and berry… it was the same one that reminded you of safety in a den of lions. Your eyes snapped open as you realized where you were at last.

Your ragged gasp did nothing to stop you from looking to see who had brought you back to the workroom of all places. Your heart jumped and then sank as you realized it wasn’t Unknown who had come to save you in the first place. You were staring at mint eyes that you had seen a few times before. They belonged to A306, one of the former gardeners that you had known in passing.

You never spoke much to him, but frankly, it didn’t seem like he was the type to talk to others all that much either. Apart from discussing some of the landscape choices here and there, you hadn’t any reason to talk to him in the first place. The first time that you had any meaningful talk with the man was when he approached you after you started working with Unknown and he spoke in such incredible circles about power and humility.

Why had he come?

Wait.

Unknown had said that the Savior was going to be getting rid of the gardeners because there had been a traitor and she had to get rid of all of them. That included A306 and the fact that he was in this room with you with no clear authorization to be standing there with you, he had to be the very traitor that caused the rest of the staff to be forced cleansing and removal from paradise. It was one of those things that Unknown wouldn’t elaborate on.

He simply said that his choosing you had saved you from damnation in the basement. Had it even been about the Iris? Was there something more that you were missing here? Who was A306? Why was he standing in the middle of this room with you? Better yet, why had he taken you away from the basement? Confusion lined your features but as you tried to speak, your voice cracked and felt useful.

“I’m sorry for making you traverse the building right now, but you need to be in the safest part of Magenta today,” his voice sounded tired as he urged you to lay down once again. You didn’t want to do that but your body made that choice for you. “I apologize that I cannot do much else for you right now, [Y/N]. It’s too late for me now, but I can ensure that you’re safe until they arrive to do something.”

Who…?

What…?

How did he know your name?

“Who…” your voice croaked a question that you couldn’t finish. You grimaced and rubbed at your sore throat. Did you look as horrible as you felt? “Are you…?”

There seemed to be guilt in his eyes but from the reflection of the blue light on the monitors that colored his features for you, you weren’t so sure if that’s what you were seeing. You looked a little closer and realized at that moment there was a reason why he had struggled to get the door open and enter in the passcode, his eyes were damaged underneath the shallow frames that he had on his face.

There was a long story that you didn’t know but you wanted to know who he was if nothing else because you were tired of not knowing anything. You were tired of being kept out of the loop from everything for whatever reason. It didn’t matter if you were better off knowing, you wanted so badly to understand what the burden was and what you could do to make it better… better? Wait, better?

What were you thinking?

What was he thinking?

“...I don’t believe he’s spoken about me to you, then,” that comment felt like it was more meant for himself than it was for someone else. He shook his head and rested his gaze on you, “I don’t know how much you know about what’s going on here and I don’t wish to pressure you to tell me what you may or may not already know. There’s not much time, either. You need to be here for now, out of sight.”

You tried to make sense of that as best you could, “What would have happened… if I stayed in the basement…?”

The silence that lingered in the air did not make you feel better about yourself. You had a feeling that you knew the answer but having confirmation might not have helped you. You never saw a single person after they were cleansed like that, it was like they vanished and anyone who did come back from a lesson in reeducation as opposed to a cleansing was never the same person.

So, why was it that you were still standing? Why was there any clarity left in your mind as a whole and why were you breathing? The more you tried to think about everything, the more confused that you were left feeling. The darkness had at least kept you from being overstimulated but this was another level.

And, what was it that this stranger was trying to keep you away from whatever happened when she decided to do what needed to be done to get rid of someone who breaks the rules and turns on the paradise? You shut your eyes and pressed your palms against your face. It hurt… it hurt so much to breathe and to think, you just wanted to cry and make it all go away. You wanted Unknown back, you wanted paradise back, and you wanted to feel safe again.

Maybe it would be easier if you were gone as the Savior had said.

Cold chills ran down your spine as her words from one of the sessions came to your mind and you felt sick again. What good were you? Did Unknown leave because you were a burden that he didn’t have the power to stomach? Did he leave because he hated you? Did he leave because you didn’t try hard enough to help him achieve his goals?

Why? Why? Why? Why?

“My name is Jihyun Kim,” he said, lowly. Though his words still felt like they were quiet and so very far away. “I know that may not mean anything to you. However, Unknown did not abandon you here of his own doing. He was taken from this place by someone who wishes to hurt him and he didn’t intend to leave you. I did not believe she would use you as a prop against him, but I can’t afford for you to get hurt because of my mistakes.”

“Your… mistakes…?”

“I’m afraid there’s no time to explain everything. The most that I can do for you is make sure that he can find you when he returns to Mint Eye. If things go according to what I think… the RFA will be able to rescue you and Unknown both from this place and get you to safety before she can do anything worse,” the mint-haired man looked over his shoulder as if he were expecting someone to pop up and grab him.

The RFA?

“He… hates the RFA,” you felt the momentum of that word wash over you as you looked at the man. Did he know the RFA? No, wait, he knew how to talk to them. He was working with the RFA somehow. You should be frightened of that fact despite knowing that most of the RFA were just being manipulated by the men that Unknown hated that you didn’t—

No.

No, it couldn’t be him.

You jolted to a sitting position as fast as you could muster and tried to hold yourself up as your fingers clutched at the couch. Every part of you was on high alert now, and the second that you put that thought into your head, you couldn’t turn or run away from it. There was no escaping who you thought this man to be. Even if he dragged you from the basement, what if he was trying to use you to hurt Unknown?

You refused to be a pawn against him when he already had enough to deal with.

Even if he left you in the dark forever, you committed yourself to your job and you refused to let anyone try and take that from you. You always did what you were told and Unknown told you that he wanted you to be his forevermore. You felt the weight in your chest that came along with that feeling and all you wanted was him back to tell you what to do.

“You’re him,” you felt the words escaping you before you could even muster the strength to stop yourself from thinking that way. The fear was just eating away at you and the more that you sat there, the more you wanted to leave this place. “Oh my God, you’re the man who— you’re the leader of the— you’re the— get away from me, get away, get away, get away, get away, get away, get away—”

That look in his eyes was not of malice or anger. That confused you even more, what was it that you didn’t understand? You weren’t sure that the Savior could be trusted, but you sure weren’t to trust the man that Unknown told you over and over again had hurt him. He never elaborated, but those memories burned deep enough for you to understand just how far they went. If he couldn’t talk about it, it had to be horrible.

You couldn’t trust anyone but him.

Yet, Jihyun Kim had dragged you from the basement on his own.

Why?

“I… I understand that reaction. It was my failure that led to this situation, so please, blame me for your burdens and pain, as I am willing to take it. It’s my cross to carry. However, I will not hurt you. I promise. As you can see, my eyes are barely able to see a few feet in front of me, I couldn’t harm you if I wanted, and I do not wish to cause any more harm or fail another person. I know why you would feel frightened, but I promise… I promise you I did not bring you here to put you into danger.”

“She’s planning on using you as a prop to control Unknown. That is to say, when he arrives back at this place today, she fully intends on keeping you in the basement and only allowing you to see him when he does something that she approves of. Once she does this, there will be no hope for your safety or wellbeing. You could likely lose your life. I cannot allow her to destroy you or anyone else. If anyone must be destroyed, it should surely be me.”

“I failed Unknown once before when he was a boy and I’m still failing him now. I don’t expect you to believe any of that, [Y/N], but I know that deep down, you’re a good person. You’ve made some changes that I could never do. You’ve made Unknown question this place and he may be willing to try to leave now after he sees what she’s done to you.”

Oh, is that all?

You were just a prop… he wanted to say that the Savior wanted to use you but it sounded like he was trying to use you for his reasons, too. You didn’t like that. You didn’t appreciate that. You’d just wanted to tell him to leave. That didn’t explain what he had done or anything else. It told you half of a story that you had been left in the dark about.

Your bitter laugh was painful. “And, why should I believe anything that you have to say to me? He told me that you tried to destroy him.”

“I’m not asking you to believe me. I want… I pray that you believe in helping him do something to save his life. Surely you’ve seen what hell he’s been put through in this place since you started being by his side. You’ve seen how much elixir he drinks almost daily… and how much he works until he can’t stop himself from collapsing. You know this isn’t right for him.”

On the one hand, that made some sense. You tried to help him eat better and sleep more but he still worked himself until he was sick. You did the same thing, so you couldn’t say that you lived or knew better than he did… but it stung to see him living that way. Seeing his nightmares and what the elixir did… you didn’t want him to hurt.

On the other hand, you felt sickened to think that this man knew what he was suffering after whatever he did to him. If he wanted to protect Unknown or save him, why was he letting this go on? All of his words were… these were just… you were so tired of thinking and trying to figure out what the point of all of this was.

Why did the Savior hate Jihyun? Why did Unknown fear him? Why was he doing any of this?

“I want what he wants,” you said, flatly.

“But do you know what he truly wants? Do you think he’s ever thought for himself? Have you thought for yourself since you came here?”

“...”

“I understand that you’re not going to believe a word I’m saying. But, please, for your safety, do not leave this room until Unknown returns. I am sure you understand that I took you from the basement without speaking to the Savior, and if she finds out, it won’t end well. If that is all I can do for you, it’s all I can do. I just ask you to stay safe.”

Jihyun began to walk in the direction of the door to leave you be, but you couldn’t help but feel like you had more than you wanted to say. It seemed like he might’ve had something that he wanted to say as well, but time was against you. You didn’t know him and you likely never would know who he truly was… but those eyes that you saw—

You didn’t see malice in them.

You knew what hatred looked like and he didn’t look at you with it. You didn’t trust him, you would never trust him unless Unknown said it was okay, but he did save you. He saved you from the basement and you owed him something… you had nothing to give him but your words that meant little in the scheme of things.

You weren’t the Savior and you weren’t Unknown.

You were Iris, a lowly gardener that became an assistant, and you meant nothing in the food chain to any of them that stood above you.

His fingers brushed against the knob, “If I did things differently… if I asked for help in the first place, if I hadn’t been such a coward who wanted to spare everyone from pain, perhaps this misery you suffer now wouldn’t have come to be in the first place. I can’t change my past, nobody can, but it’s if I can do one thing right if I can do something to make sure that he’s safe again… I can return you to him so he can decide for himself what it is that he truly wants.”

Even though you had no idea what got him into this, nor did you think you would ever find out, you felt like those words were spoken from years of guilt. He sounded remorseful… and even if that was a fake statement, his voice sounded believable. You didn’t believe in anyone but Unknown in this place anymore. You didn’t have the heart to trust anyone after all this.

Say you humored him.

You looked at him, “You know, I don’t know what the fuck you did to him or the Savior, but if you feel like you could stop this, you could. Stop being a coward and reach out and ask for help if you’re the good guy. Go talk to that Jumin Han, he’d probably listen to you, he’s the only one of those people that seem to have their head on straight. It sounds like you want to fix what you did but you’re only making it worse by doing it alone.”

“I don’t know who you are, I don’t know why you’ve done this, I don’t know what you’ve done in the past, and I don’t know what you want to do after this; But, if you wanted to stop being a huge coward and make everything right? You could start by telling someone the truth and getting help for it.”

His silence was your only answer but you expected it. You didn’t have the energy to tear into him as you thought you would want to. You had imagined what it would feel like to meet the ones that had hurt Unknown by his side as he got his revenge, but you never imagined somebody so broken and pitiful standing in front of you instead of the monster that you had heard about.

It proved that you once again knew nothing about this place.

Jihyun left you in the darkness as he stepped out into the sunlight, but at that moment, it felt like your roles were reversed. You felt like he was standing in the darkness and you were bathed in the light of the sun.

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theangrypokemaniac · 2 years

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Stop

XXI. Chlorophyll

Long-suffering Chlo-Chlo is a tormented soul.

A very bushy child, each morning Chloë does battle with the haunted briar patch that sits upon her head.

Hey now. We all have our own dæmons.

Space Tick mothership docks and OH MY THEY'RE COMIN' FER YER!

Said burly bouffant is home to a ghostly starfish permanently affixed to her brain, sucking out life force like a nanna on a Frube.

But wait, there's more!

This shark fin is joined to her scalp both at its base and at the end of a strip, forming a hairy loop of flesh.

That's incest for yer.

Sreese claims to drive Chloë to school, but it is lies!

He parks at the Lab and makes her run!

Why not drop her off, then go to work?

He's the boss! He don't follow a schedule!

She walks back an' all, whilst he expects her to hang around the office until he's finished.

What if she wants her tea?

AND Yamper stays at the Lab because that slattern of a mother won't feed him.

Bastards! Bastards! BASTARDS!

What a well-drawn tie.

Having to spend almost all of her youth in uniform accounts for Chloë's deranged fixation with school.

Always worried she'll be late and always treating it as important, all because of the old codger's nagging rages.

This girl needs help!

Come on Chlo-Chlo, stop wasting your life in this slurry-strewn coffin.

You wanna get out in the fresh air and start travelling Like We Use To Do.

As when she is present, the council are too tight to pay a caretaker, so Muggings here is forced to do the gardening by herself.

It's slave labour, that!

Don't give me none o' that emo whining about being 'unsure', or 'needing time' to 'find out who you are', fufufufufu.... slobber.

Crap! Yer ten years old, woman! Break out of this shit tip as soon as possible!

If I were her I'd say I wanted to be a Trainer, walk to the next town, and settle in at Joy's for free meals and a kip.

And no one would ever know, heh, heh, heh.

The downside to Chlo is her episodes are a torrent of hysterical wangst.

Hoes mad!

Best Friend...Worst Nightmare! is her whinge session on the audacity of the horrid beasts, assuming she'd catch Pokémon like everyone else in the world does or be a researcher.

Awful. Up at the Hague for war crimes next.

Oh can't they just understand her pain?

Don't put me in a box, guys!

Don't put labels on me, guys!

Don't expect anything of me, guys!

WOMAN!!!

I'll have you know The Mighty Ash Ketchum was a grown man at your age.

He lived by his rules and answered to no one!

Damn straight! Smash the place up!

There's a New Kid in Town! shows Yamper's jealousy of Chloë's pigeon.

Such an awe-inspiring plotline was re-used in the very next installment for Pikachu porn.

Hell, why not repeat it for Chloë's backstory at the same time?

Turned out Chloë was a wicked imp who rejected and verbally abused a little puppy.

I'm going off yer!

Then I saw how much Yamper gets shafted for Eevee in series two, against which this doesn't seem so bad.

At least Chlo was sorry. Writers never will be.

She even sneaked out in the night to find him, accosted only by Venonats, who look like nice, cuddly fellas to me.

No! Go get Goh! Eat him! Eat him now!

EAT HIM!!!

#Pokémon #Chloë #Professor Cerise #Yamper #Best Friend...Worst Nightmare!#There's a New Kid in Town!#Galar

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pigtownchronicles · 3 years

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Chapter 2.2 - Marshall’s Cigar and Briar

Kyle woke up on Saturday morning with a throbbing headache and a sore throat, enough that when he went downstairs, his mother asked him if he was catching a cold, while his father just kept reading the paper, uninterested. Kyle waved his mom off, worried he might still smell of alcohol, or worse, smoke, but if either of them noticed, they didn’t say anything. He sat down, had breakfast, and the entire experience was such a break from what had happened the night before, that it was becoming easier and easier to just assume that it hadn’t. He’d just imagined the whole thing, dreamed it. After all, what was more likely--he’d had a wacky horny dream, or he’d actually smoked a cigar that had summoned a smoke version of a guy he’d met for five minutes a club, and they’d had sex?

But upstairs in his room, he saw that the cigar had been real, at least. The band was there on his desk, with the name and address as before. Later in the day, he went poking around in the shed on some other pretense, and he could smell it in there still, the smoke, and there, across the floor, was the faint outline of a dried spatter of some sort. If that was real, he wasn’t sure how to disprove the rest of it.

He checked his messages, and saw he had something from Jim, wanting to talk to him. Kyle wasn’t sure if he wanted to divulge the details of what had happened to him that night entirely, but the situation with his gay neighbors was too stupid not to tell his friend. He suggested they meet up at the park about halfway between their homes, and half an hour later, he was waving Jim down from the bench he’d snagged. Jim hustled over, and got on the bench across from him.

Kyle could see something was wrong--his eyes were bagged, and he looked like he hadn’t slept at all that night. “Hell, you must have had a good night man, sorry I had to leave early, you won’t fucking believe that happened.”

Jim just stared at him. “Kyle...have you seen Marlon?”

“Who?”

“Marlon. My boyfriend. He went with us last night. Have you gotten a text from him? Anything?”

Kyle just stared at Jim, feeling like he was pulling a prank on him. Jim was single, wasn’t he? But now that he heard the name, it was...familiar, somehow. Jim pressed him on it, and Kyle came to the realization that he was right. They had gone out with Marlon the night before--how on Earth had Kyle just forgotten that?

“You’re not the only one,” Jim said, “I can’t find him on any social media, his number just disappeared from my phone! My parents don’t remember him, and I’m afraid to call his house, I...I don’t know, we...something happened when we were leaving the club, and I thought it was a nightmare, but...but now I’m not so sure.”

So Jim recounted what had happened as they were heading to the car, the strange shadows, the man in the leather who had stepped out to greet them, Marlon just up and disappearing into the dark, the police who had interrupted them and gotten him to his car, alone. Kyle just listened, unsure of what to say about any of this, but it put what had happened to him in rather stark relief. When Jim had finished his story, he considered describing the cigar in the shed to him, but didn’t. It felt...wrong, and Jim was freaking out a bit, so Kyle went around, sat beside him on the bench and put his arm around him.

“Look, he’s probably fine, alright? I...I believe you, I do, but...but people don’t just disappear like this. There has to be an explanation.”

“But from everything? I can’t even find pictures of us. It’s like some black hole opened up and swallowed everything about him.”

They sat in silence for a while, and then Kyle said he’d let Jim know if he heard anything, he’d try texting him too, and see what he could find on the internet--then they went their separate ways.

But he couldn’t find anything about Marlon, anywhere. By the end of the evening, he found himself wondering if he actually was being pranked, if Jim was just faking the whole thing after all. But he’d been distressed, that hadn’t been an act. He went to bed that night, feeling rather unsettled, and didn’t feel much better the next day. He’d looked up the shop, called Marshall’s Cigar and Briar, and saw it was closed on Sundays--he’d decided to go into the city on Monday and check it out. Now he was having second thoughts. What if he just...up and disappeared too? Could that even happen? Even now, he was still struggling to hold onto the memories of Marlon that Jim had dredged up for him. Almost like, if he didn’t keep bringing them forward in his mind, they kept threatening to slip away into whatever void they’d gone down into before.

But Sunday, he had a fight with his Father, enabled by his Mother. It was over nothing, but he found himself bristling at being in this house, in this neighborhood for another minute. Sure, college would be an escape in a few months, but would it really get him away? His parents were still paying for it, the whole thing out of savings. If he tried to be out, if he dated a guy and they caught wind of it, he’d be cut off for sure. He didn’t know the cigar bear--named Marshall, he assumed--at all, but that one evening with him was the first time he’d felt respected by someone older than him, by someone who could be his father. In the end, he decided to take the risk, drove downtown, and on Monday afternoon, stepped into Marshall’s Cigar and Briar.

It was a narrow space, made narrower by the glass counter cutting down the length of the shop. Underneath the glass were countless pipes--not glass ones, like he would have expected, the kind his friends usually use for pot. These were tobacco pipes, and Kyle realized he’d never seen one of them in real life, beyond movies and that sort of thing. Across from the counter, there were magazine racks. One of them was an assortment of newspapers and magazines, and further in, judging from the black plastic plates in front, was a rack of porno mags. Along the back wall were jars of loose tobacco, and behind the counter was a wall of boxes, full of cigars, he assumed, and even more in humidors further in. Close to the door was a cash register, and behind that was the bear he’d met first at the bar, and then in his shed, though dressed more casually today, in jeans and a sleeveless shirt for the heat, flipping through one of the magazines from the news rack. Marshall lowered it, and smiled, “Ah, good to see you again, and sooner than I expected.”

“I...uh...” Kyle said, but didn’t quite know what to do next. He’d pictured himself getting in the door and then, well, he didn’t know what was going to come next, at all. But that was part of the excitement. For the first time, really, he felt like he’d taken a genuine step off the path that had been laid out for him, and now, he didn’t know what he was supposed to do.

“How have you been? I hope the fellow who dragged you away treated you well that night.”

“Yeah, he’s...a neighbor, of my parents. And me, I guess. I watch his cat sometimes.”

“I see.”

The man flipped to the next page in his magazine, and Kyle was left floundering for something to latch onto. Everything in the club, everything in the shed had felt so obvious, but now... “I...I thought you wanted to see me again,” he said.

Marshall smiled, “You must have wanted to see me again too,” he said, “But now I suppose I have to ask you, what would you like? Cigars? A pipe? What interests young men like you these days? I don’t know anything about that new vaping thing I see twinks do sometimes, it seems so cold to me.”

I guess...I don’t know. I thought...we could, you know.”

“Ah, you came for me, and me alone, did you?”

“I think you’re teasing me.”

Marshall smiled. “Well, I haven’t had lunch yet. Why don’t we go get some food, and we can chat a bit more? I’d be interested to get to know a little bit more about you, I think.”

That seemed as good of a foothold as any, and they ended up at a little restaurant down the street, Marshall poking around and asking Kyle about not just his plans, but how he felt about his plans, about his general dissatisfaction. It ended with a surprising offer--Marshall suggested he might work with him in the shop for the rest of the summer. He’d fallen behind on some of his organization, and there was always cleaning to do. It wasn’t the sort of job that Kyle had ever thought about doing, but he accepted without any hesitation. The more time he spent with Marshall, the more of a pull he felt. After just an afternoon, he felt a deeper connection with him than anyone else before. His mind called it love, but that might have been youth talking. They went back to the shop, and Kyle’s heart was beating fast, wondering what else might happen that day, only for the feeling to cut off when Marshall handed him a broom.

“Go ahead and start off with a good sweep, will ya?” he said, smiling at him.

Kyle, who had never really had to work a broom in his life, just gripped it and stared at him, but Marshall was serious. So he took the broom and the dustpan, and started sweeping, while the bear went back to the register, took a cigar from the humidor beside him, and started smoking while reading his magazine. Kyle felt a little hoodwinked, and yet, when he caught a whiff of the smoke, he had to stifle a moan, as his cock leapt up. Marshall was smiling at him, and gave him a wink, but what felt like it could have been something more, was stifled by a steady stream of customers for the rest of the afternoon, and when it was time to close, he was given a wage right from the till, and sent on his way home.

“I...Are we gonna, you know, again?” Kyle asked, not really wanting to leave the shop and step out onto the dark sidewalk.

“Is that what you want?” Marshall asked him, and Kyle nodded. “Well, Pigtown will usually give you what you want, Kyle. But you should be careful that you don’t lose what you need. Now get on home--shop opens at ten, and I want you here at nine thirty every day.”

Kyle nodded, not sure if that was a yes or a no...but he’d take it, either way.

***

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brax-was-here · 3 years

Text

Scarlet Briar: The Seeds of Life Chapter 8

Chapter 8: You Sylvari Are All The Same

Sometimes help doesn’t actually help

Ceara stood just outside the entrance to the cave, looking out over the jungle. The air was heavy and humid as the early morning sunlight peeked through the trees. She barely slept, the fear that these seemingly friendly mordrem could turn on them at a moment’s notice keeping her awake. She watched as a lone mordrem carrying a bow came rushing out of the foliage, passing her swiftly into the cave. Liathlas walked up next to her, followed by Malyck shortly after. It was quite apparent neither of them had gotten much sleep as well.

“That one seemed to be in a hurry.” Liathlas remarked.

“It practically knocked us down in its haste.” Malyck added.

“It must need to use the bathroom.” Ceara dryly quipped, still staring at the jungle. “Well, are we ready?” she looked over her shoulder at her partners.

“Yes.” Malyck glanced at the mordrem standing near the cave entrance. “Let us be away from here quickly.” He whispered. Liathlas nodded in agreement.

“Ceara.” A voice called from nearby. The three turned to see the lead mordrem coming towards them, holding leather bags in one of its rough barked covered hand.

“Your Nightmare Court friends are moving through the jungle heading to the south.” He held the bags out to them. “Take these. Some supplies we could spare.” They each slowly grabbed one, opening them. The satchels were filled with some pact rations, dried meat, and a small canteen of water.

“You should hurry.” He turned. “The Nightmare Court will not wait for you.” He pointed to a ridgeline rising above the trees in the distance. “The pact camp is just beyond that ridge. I’m sure you will be able to find allies there.”

“Thank you, Mordrem.” Ceara said to him. “I can’t believe I just said that.” she thought to herself. She turned to her companions. “Let’s go. No better time than the present.” The mordrem watched as they hurried off into the jungle.

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The caravan lumbered across the desert region. The sun beat down upon Orla as the dry air provided little protection. Dressed in a simple robe, she was chained to a large hook in the bed of one of the carriages. Her face soured as her thoughts playing over the events the night before.

“The great Amaranda…” she spit thinking about the sylvari that chased her to the desert outpost. “You’ll be my first target once Nafiona takes over the Court. You will pay. Your suffering will be long, dreamer.” She looked off into the distance, staring at a giant vine that protruded from the desert sand, forming a giant arch as its other end was buried deep.

“Mordremoth. Hmph.” She looked at her shackles and tugged at them once again.

“It won’t do me any good to escape now.” She thought to herself. “Nothing but open desert for miles. I might as well sit and enjoy the ride.” She looked behind her over the edge of the carriage.

“Hey guard, how about some water? I’m going to dry up and whither out here in this arid heat.” The priory scholar, a norn woman, cut her eyes up to her for a moment and back to staring straight ahead as she marched along with the caravan.

“Seriously, I’m going to die up here in this sun.”

The guard looked at her again. “Fine.” The guard grunted. She climbed onto the carriage with her sword drawn. Unslinging her canteen, she tossed it at Orla.

“You do have a heart, after all.” Orla grumbled as she uncapped the canteen. The soldier sat across from her and stared at Orla. Orla took noticed and slowly lowered the canteen from her mouth, replacing the cap.

“So, what is this ‘Nightmare’ actually?” her captor asked.

Orla smiled lightly as she set the canteen down. “It’s a feeling. A feeling of freedom. For us to be who we truly are as sylvari.”

“As you truly are?” The guard looked out over the desert, focusing on one of Mordremoth’s giant vines in the far distance.

“Yes. We should not be bound by some rules written by a long dead centaur. Instead, we live freely. Unbound.”

The guard turned her attention back to Orla. “Unbound? So, you choose to subvert other sylvari to this “Nightmare” to free them from a hold that the Pale Tree has on them?”

“Yes. We show them the way. Show them that they can be free of the Pale Tree.”

“By leashing them to this Nightmare?”

Orla narrowed her eyes at the guard’s remark. “You don’t understand. You are not sylvari.”

“No, but I do know that it didn’t matter what side of the fence you were on, you sylvari all are minions of the jungle dragon. Dream. Nightmare. Still one and the same. What did it matter?”

Orla stared at the guard. “I didn’t fall to Mordremoth’s sway. None of us did.”

The scholar raised her eyebrows at Orla’s comment. “Oh? Really? Then you must not have been in the jungle during the campaign. Almost each one of your brothers and sisters turned on us. Very few were able to resist the will of the dragon. Even your leader Faolain fell to the dragon, becoming a monster.”

“It didn’t matter what side they were on.” The scholar continued as she hooked the canteen strap with her sword and pulled it to her. “Nightmare Court or otherwise, you sylvari are still all the same on the inside.” The guard stood and climbed off the carriage.“No…no we aren’t.” Orla muttered as she watched the guard climb down.

“No…no we aren’t.” Orla muttered as she watched the guard climb down.

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Captain Johan Magnusson was a norn of considerable stature and a member of Vigil. He helped fight against the forces of Mordremoth, helping to coordinate the forces as they were scattered, and push back the mordrem assaults. Now he commands an outpost set up to monitor and research the jungle. Sitting at a table in the middle of the camp looking over a map of the region along with some fellow pact members, he heard a voice call out.

“Captain!” Johan looked up to see two pact soldiers escorting a wounded sylvari.

“What is it, Pete? Another one?”

“Sir, this sylvari has some concerning news.” The soldier replied.

“Scar…Scarlet…Briar…she’s here. She lives.” The sylvari stammered.

“What?” Johan quickly stood from the table, practically knocking it over.

“She…she’s trying to revive Mordremoth.”

“What did you just say!?” a gruff voice asked nearby.

“Scarlet Briar…she’s here…in the jungle…” the sylvari turned to a dark furred charr that was approaching.

"Where is she?” he asked.

“She’s to the south. Near the corpse grove.”

“Brom, I want you to take a contingent of troops, and head there. See what you can find out. And be on the the lookout.” Johan ordered the charr.

“Sir, yes sir.” Brom saluted. “I’ve been wanting to get another crack at that twig since that weird crap that went down in Lion’s Arch.” He hurried off and started gathering a unit together.

Johan turned back to the sylvari. “Pete, take this sylvari to the med tent immediately and get him patched up.” The two soldiers ushered the wounded sylvari away.

“Captain Johan, sir if I may.” A sylvari priory member sitting at the table spoke up.

“What is it, Vidar?”

“I feel that sylvari is lying, sir. He is a member of the Nightmare Court.”

Johan looked at him. “How can you tell?” Concern in his voice.

“I’m a sylvari, sir. We can tell who has fallen to Nightmare.”

“Is he lying about Scarlet being here? Or about trying to revive Mordremoth? Or both?”

Vidar looked towards the medical tent. “I would imagine both, sir.” He turned back to Johan. “But if Scarlet is here, I do not think she would be attempting to revive the jungle dragon. Not with the information we have learned in recent times.”

“Then why would she be here?” Johan asked him, a tinge of suspicion in his voice.

“I don’t think she is our enemy this day, Captain.”

“You think the Nightmare Court is planning something?”

“I’m not sure. But we shouldn’t take this matter lightly.”

“Hmm…” Johan turned. “Brom!” he started marching towards the charr. Brom as his squad were ready to head out towards the corpse grove.

“Sir?” Brom replied saluting.

“Be on your guard out there. Scarlet Briar may or may not be in the area. But the Nightmare Court is. They may be up to something, or even in cohorts with Scarlet.” Johan took a deep breath. “Kill them all if you see them.” He muttered under his breath.

“Yes sir!” Brom saluted again.

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“Do you think Fiach made it to the pact camp?” Caelan asked out loud as the Nightmare Court group journeyed southward through the jungle.

“If he didn’t, he deserved his death for failure.” Someone behind him replied.

“That…that is true.” Caelan spoke.

“Is that a tinge of concern I hear in your voice, Caelan?” another sylvari stepped up beside him. “Did that punch from Scarlet knock something loose in that noggin of yours?”

“What? No, of course not. She just got a lucky shot. M’lady sent Fiach to that camp to persuade them to go after Scarlet. If he didn’t make it, then the plan-“

“Watch your tongue, courtier.” Caelan was cut off by Nafiona’s scepter at his throat. “Lest I burn it out of your mouth.”

“I…I’m…forgive me, m’lady.” Caelan stammered as Nafiona leaned in close.

“Never again.” She spoke quietly.

“Ye…yes m’lady!”

Nafiona swiftly turned away from him and continued with the group.

“It will take a few days to reach the dragon’s lair. M’lady.” Ordhram spoke to her.

“I know. I figured it would be the case. The jungle is vast. To think this whole land was the body of the jungle dragon. Every plant. Every tree. Even the smallest blade of grass may have been a part of it. Quite impressive if you think about it. That much power stored within a single entity.”

“And the seed will contain that power.”

“Indeed, it will. Any update on the sword?” she inquired.

“Forging continues, m’lady. It will be ready.” Ordhram responded confidently.

“Good. Once completed it will be the perfect vessel to harness the seeds power.” Nafiona smiled as she breathed in the jungle air, pausing when a strange sensation passed over her.

“Ordhram, do you feel that?” Nafiona raised her hand to stop the group. “Like…a buzzing…in the air.”

“I do, m’lady.” The group drew their weapons as they looked around their immediate surroundings.

“Forward. We must be cautious.”

“What do you think it is, m’lady?” Ordhram asked.

“I don’t know. But something powerful, I’m sure.”

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Vidar entered into the medical tent, brandishing his staff. He glared at the Nightmare Courtier that was sitting on one of the cots inside, a sylvari mender tending to his wounds.

“Is something the matter?’ the mender asked.

“Leave us, mender. Please. I have a private matter to discuss with our guest.” Vidar said sternly. The mender stood and left the tent. Vidar sat on a cot across from the courtier, who glared at him.

“Why are you in the jungle?” he asked the coutier.

“If you want to know, scholar, maybe you can find out in your stack of books back at that crypt you call a home.” He sneered.

Vidar snickered to himself. “You’re right. I don’t need to know why you are here. But I do know this. You’re lying about Scarlet Briar.”

“Heh. How do you know I’m lying? She’s here in the jungle. I’ve seen her. You do remember that it was she that awoke the jungle dragon, right scholar?”

“I do know. And I do know she was not in control of herself when those events transpired. Just as our brothers and sisters weren’t in control of themselves when we arrived here in the jungle.”

“How do you know she wasn’t in control of herself? How are you so sure?” the courtier asked somewhat whimsically.

Vidar leaned in close, his blue bioluminescence starting to glow. “I’ve seen the horror that controlled Scarlet Briar. She is not here to resurrect the jungle dragon.”

“Is that so, scholar? So tell me, what was it?”

Vidar stood. “If you want to know, perhaps you can look into the Nightmare and find out yourself.”

“Hah! Dreamer, you make me laugh.” the courtier chuckled. “But you won’t be able to stop us. We’ll bring forth a new world for sylvari. A world where we don’t have to be bound to some stupid rules chipped into a stone.”

“Heh, you sound like someone else I used to know.” Vidar said over his shoulder as he walked out of the tent.

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The morning air was warm as the sun breached through the treetops of the sylvari village. Amaranda retrieved her carriage from where she had left it the day before when the courtier arrived. After unloading her things into her home and storing them, she mixed a cup of tea and knelt at the low table. She took a sip as she stared at Ceara’s waypoint device. Setting her cup down, she picked up the device and switched activated it once again, projecting its map in the air in front of her. She slowly moved the map to the east until the dim blip appeared deep in the jungle.

“Widget? Is there anything that we can do to reach Ceara?” she asked the small golem.

“Use-the-closest-waypoint-then-travel-to-her.”

“That doesn’t do me any good.” She rubbed her face sighing heavily. “I should have gone with her. Thorns!” She set the device on the table.

“Maybe-a-communicator?”

Amaranda looked at the golem. “A communicator? What do you mean?” Her brow furrowed slightly.

“Asura-created-a-communicator-to-talk-long-distances.”

Amaranda sighed lightly. “Well, what good does that do me now?” Her shoulders drooped as shefelt slightly defeated.

“You-can-contact-Ceara-when-you-acquire-them.”

Amaranda looked at the golem displeasingly. “Widget...” She started. The golem beeped a response. Amaranda closed her eyes, lightly shaking her head.

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“I can see the camp from here.” Malyck spoke to his partners as they crested the ridge. Looking off into the distance they could see the various structures nestled on a plateau.

“The perfect spot. Easily defensible and accessible to their coptors.” Ceara noted.

“But also, nowhere to run if the mordrem decide to band together and attack.” He replied.

“Well, hopefully that won’t happen anytime soon.” Liathlas added.

“Well, we’re wasting time while we stand here. Nafiona is on the move and we need to stop her somehow.” Ceara started hurrying through the jungle.

It wasn’t long before they came upon a fortified area.

“Halt!” a voice shouted from behind a gun emplacement. The trio paused, they put their hands up in front of them. A trio of troops stepped out from behind a mound of dirt and wire fence with weapons drawn.

“State your business here.” One of them ordered.

“We’ve come seeking help.” Ceara shouted back at them.

“Help for what?” the guard replied.

Ceara took a deep breath. “We are…we’re…” She paused remembering the conversation with Liathlas a few days before. “We’re travelling to see the dragon egg in the golden city!”

The guards looked around at each other. “What dragon egg?”

“The one delivered by the commander. All of Tyria knows about it!”

The guard turned and spoke something to his compatriots. One of them ran back into the small camp.

“How do you know about the egg?” he asked sternly as he turned back to the trio. “It’s all over the asuranet! We came to offer our respects!” Ceara quipped excitedly.

“It’s all over the asuranet! We came to offer our respects!” Ceara quipped excitedly.

“They aren’t buying this.” Liathlas muttered.

“Shush, you.” Ceara whispered back. A few moments passed and the guard returned. He muttered something to the lead guard and they both turned to the sylvari.

“Ok. Come with us. Keep your hands where we can see them.”

“I don’t like this.” Malyck said quietly as they slowly approached the guards.

“It’ll work. Trust me.” Ceara assured them.

“Famous last words.” Malyck muttered. They walked through a small gate in the fencing where they were met by small group of soldiers.

“Take these three up the hill to the camp.” The lead guard ordered. Three soldiers saluted and motioned for them to start up the path.

“So, what do you do here?” Ceara asked.

“None of your business.” One guard shot back.

“Ouch.” Ceara gasped. “Such manners.” They crested the top of the small plateau reaching the camp. It was large with many tents set up in a circle. The trio was marched to an empty tent.

“Wait here.” One of their chaperones ordered them.

“This isn’t right.” Malyck said to them as he looked at the tent. “There isn’t any other way out of here.” It wasn’t long before a giant of a norn stepped into the tent. He glared down at the sylvari, his eyes settling on Ceara. He pondered a moment before breathing in deep.

“That’s a very fancy looking rifle you have there, sylvari. It looks much more advanced than anything the pact has. What do you plan to do with it?”

“It’s just for my protection. From anything in this jungle.”

“Something that fancy has got to have some power to it. Where did you get it?”

“It was designed by asura in Rata Sum.” She replied, a tad suspicious of the norn.

“Well, we’re going to have to confiscate it. Along with any other weapons you all might have.”

“What?” Ceara asked, her temper starting to rise.

“Why are you taking our weapons?” Liathlas asked as well.

“Scarlet Briar. We know who you are and why you are here in the jungle.” He replied to them. “And you two are her accomplices in this.”

“Vigil, I can assure you, if I were here for mischief and mayhem, I wouldn’t have just walked right up to your camp.” Ceara quipped.

“A ruse.” Johan shot back. “What are you planning?”

“Sir, we are trying to stop the Nightmare Court.” Malyck said to him. Johan turned his gaze to Malyck.

“The Nightmare Court. And what exactly are they trying to do?”

Ceara and Liathlas looked at each other. “They are looking for an item of great power.” Liathlas replied to him.

“Of great power, you say?” He looked at Liathlas. “So how do you know about the egg?”

“Everyone knows about the egg!” Ceara piped up. “It’s all over the asuranet!”

Johan’s face reddened as his anger started to rise. “Who leaked that information!?” He turned and exited the tent. “Pete! You and Jonez take their weapons and put them in the brig for the time being.” He ordered. “And be very cautious with the red. She tries anything, you kill her.”

“Yes sir.” They heard outside.

Ceara’s heart jumped as she heard the command, anger started to fill her chest. “They aren’t taking me that way.” She growled.

“It’s going to be ok. We can just-“ Liathlas was cut off by the appearance of a portal appeared inside the tent. The trio looked at each other.

“Well, that’s very convenient.” Ceara said snidely.

“Step through it! Hurry!” Liathlas jumped through.

“Wait!” Malyck shouted as Liathlas disappeared. He shook his head and he followed Ceara through. They appeared behind a rock outcropping near the camp. A sylvari in Priory garb greeted them.

“Hail Ceara and company. I couldn’t let them keep you there.”

“Thank you, scholar. What is going on here?”

“A nightmare coutier arrived in the camp not too long ago. He told Johan that you and your friends are here to resurrect the jungle dragon.”

“What!?” Ceara gasped. “Why in Tyria would I do that after everything that thing did to me!?” She questioned, a look of confusion cast across her face.

“Shhhh, calm down.” Liathlas gently put her hand on Ceara’s arm.

“Yes, I understand what happened to you. It happened to many of us.” Vidar looked out from behind the outcropping to see the Vigil pair leaving the empty tent.

“Johan! The tent’s empty! They escaped!” Jonez shouted as he exited.

“What!? Search the camp! They can’t have gotten far! If they resist, kill them!” Johan commanded, his voice bellowing across the camp. The pact members instantly started systematically searching the area.

“That’s your cue to go. Hurry. Stop the Court from getting the egg.” Vidar turned back to them.

“It’s not the egg they are after, scholar.” Ceara replied back to him.

“It’s not the egg?” Vidar asked, an inquisitive look on his face.

“No, something that could be much worse I believe.” The trio started climbing down the hillside.

“There they are!” a voice shouted in the distance.

“Thorns.” Vidar hissed through his teeth. He projected a stealth field around them, causing the three to disappear from sight.

“Well, since we can’t see each other now, I hope we can follow each other until this wears off.” Ceara quipped.

“Stay close. Keep a hand on each other until we’re clear.” Malyck told them. He felt a hand on his back.

Vidar solemnly returned to the camp. Johan took notice of him and approached with a determined gait.

“Vidar. What did you do?” He glared at the sylvari, his eyebrows knitting in anger.

The sylvari looked up at the Vigil soldier. “I did what I had to do. They are not our enemy. Scarlet Briar is not our enemy.” He replied. He turned his gaze to the medical tent. He could see the coutier looking out at him. “That courtier is.”

“You just aided in the escape of a criminal!” Johan barked at him.

“If she is a criminal, then I am as well.” Vidar replied solemnly.

“Fine. Pete, put Vidar in the brig until we figure out what to do with him.” Vidar felt a hand on his shoulder.

“Come on, let’s go.” Pete said calmly, his voice a sharp contrast to Johan’s gruff stern commands. Vidar’s staff was taken from him as he was marched to a metal cage like structure. He looked at the medical tent again to see the courtier laughing.

“Keep laughing, courtier. This isn’t over.” Vidar muttered.

Johan turned to his subordinate. “Jonez, get the word out to base camp in the dragon’s lair. Tell them that Scarlet Briar is here and is trying to resurrect Mordremoth and to be on the lookout.”

“Yes, sir.” The soldier saluted.

“Also, keep an eye on our nightmare sylvari here. We’ve had to throw one in the brig already for aiding that stick. I’m afraid there might be others wavering as well.” He turned his head to the medical tent. “As a matter of fact, just go ahead and throw that courtier in the brig as well. Be done with it.”

Jonez saluted and pointed at two other soldiers to follow him. They entered the tent to find the courtier laying on a cot. He raised his head to glance at the pact soldiers.

“Grab him.” Jonez ordered.

“What!? What are you doing!?” the courtier shouted as the solders picked him up by the arms. “Let go! Let go of me!” he squirmed to break their grip. “You keep fighting, we’re gonna make life very difficult for you.” One of the soldiers growled. They hauled the courtier to the brig where Vidar was waiting and shoved him inside.

“You keep fighting, we’re gonna make life very difficult for you.” One of the soldiers growled. They hauled the courtier to the brig where Vidar was waiting and shoved him inside.

“Well, it a pleasure meeting you here.” Vidar joked as the coutier picked himself off the ground.

“Heh, since I’m now in the brig, I guess it won’t matter if I kill you.” The coutier grinned.

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Ceara and her group rushed through the jungle quickly, escaping their pact captors. Liathlas kept a stealth field going as much as she could until they were far enough away.

“I can’t…I have to rest…” Liathlas dropped to the ground, exhausted.

Malyck looked around, his eyes settling on the fallen remains of a large tree. “There. We’ll take cover there for the moment.” He helped Liathlas as they climbed up a small incline into a small alcove under the large trunk.

“I guess we can’t rely on any pact help now.” Ceara said, looking out over the jungle.

“Many still don’t trust us.” Liathlas said, sitting on the moss-covered ground trying to catch her breath.

“Can you blame them?” Ceara asked. “After what happened.”

“We’re on our own in this now.” Malyck sat on a log. He unholstered his pistols, inspecting them.

“What about the frogs? Can’t them help?” Ceara looked at him.

“The Itzel are a peaceful race…mostly. Not willing to take up arms unless their villages are threatened. And some tribes are quite hostile to outsiders.” He thought for a moment. “There is the Nuhoch.”

“The Nuhoch? What is that?” Ceara bit into a food bar. Her face grimaced at the taste.

“Another race that lives deeper in the jungle.”

“Are they friendly?”

“They can be. But they are very suspicious of outsiders. Their trust must be earned.”

“Can we contact them? Where are they?” Liathlas asked.

“Their main village lies far to the southeast. Through very rough and twisted terrain, and the chak. It will take a few days to get there.”

“Chak?” Liathlas replied curiously.

“Giant insect like creatures. They swarm in massive groups.” Malyck responded to her.

“We may not have days to waste travelling there if it’s as dangerous as you say.” Ceara rebuttled. “Nafiona would be making gains towards her target while we would be losing time.”

“Agreed.” Malyck nodded. “Like I said, we’re in this on our own.”

Ceara fell silent as she looked out over the jungle. Her thoughts turned to the dreams and visions she had been having.

“Liathlas?” she asked, turning to the seated sylvari. Liathlas looked up at her. “Have you been having any strange visions or dreams lately?”

“No, not really. The last dream I remember having is being on a sunny beach while men heeded to my every need and plied for my attention. But nothing strange.”

Ceara paused a moment, slightly taken aback. “Well, that seems like a pleasant dream.” She finally muttered, looking at Malyck. He looked back at her and shook his head furiously. “Anyway, I mean strange dreams concerning the pale tree?”

Liathlas pondered for a moment before shaking her head lightly. “No, I haven’t. Why do you ask?”

“It seems I’m the only one having these dreams and visions.” Ceara stared into the distance.

“Perhaps due to what happened to you.” Liathlas said quietly. “You may have a closer connection to everything here than the rest of us.”

Ceara turned to Malyck. “What lies to the south of this region?”

“A golden palace named Tarir.”

“Tarir!?” Liathlas piped up. “That’s where the dragon egg is located!”

“We should steer clear of that area of the jungle then.” Ceara cautioned. “I’m sure it’s crawling with pact members. We don’t need any more headaches from them.”

“Agreed.” Malyck seconded.

“But the egg! It must be magnificent! We should see it!”

“The seed is more important right now. Besides, the pact probably won’t let us anywhere near that egg, let alone the palace itself.” Ceara snapped back. “Who would build a such a place in the middle of the jungle anyway?”

“Glint.” Liathlas replied sternly.

“Glint? The brood of Kralkatorrik?” Ceara questioned. “Well, I guess it is far enough away from anything Kralkatorrik would try to brand. What else is in that direction?”

Malyck glared at Ceara a moment. “Malyck?” she asked, looking at him slightly concerned.

“The lair of the jungle dragon. The place where he was vanquished.”

Ceara felt a fear in her chest she had not felt in a very long time. She looked away at the ground, a swirl of emotions filling her mind. Anger, hate, fear, sadness. Liathlas took note and stood quickly, rushing to her side. She gently placed her hand on Ceara’s arm.

“Hey…it’s ok. He can’t do anything to us now. He’s dead.”

“No…no, it’s not ok.” Ceara felt anxious and afraid. “I can’t…I can’t go there.”

“You belong to me…” Memories of the dragon’s voice boomed through her mind.

“No…”

Liathlas turned to Malyck, who return her glance, himself looking a little confused.

“No!” Ceara screamed as she covered her face with her hands, dropping to the ground. Liathlas knelt beside her, slowly placing her arms around Ceara. She looked out at the jungle, tears starting to fall from her eyes.

“I did this.” Her voice hoarse. “Just..just leave me be.”

“It wasn’t you.” Liathlas whispered as she slowly released her embrace. She quietly stepped away and stood next to Malyck. He looked at her about to ask a question when Liathlas motioned him to stay silent.

“It’s a story best not to tell right now.” She whispered to him.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Vidar hands started to glow with ethereal energy as he squared off with the courtier.

“It would be best for you to stand down, courtier.” He warned his opponent.

“Scholar, your little parlor tricks won’t affect me.” The courtier lunged at Vidar, who gestured instantly. The courtier fell as bonds of energy wrapped around his feet, tripping him. The courtier screamed in rage as he broke free and charged at the scholar. Vidar sidestepped into a portal, appearing outside of the cage.

“What’s going on here?” an asuran pact member came running towards them.

“Your little scholar here attacked me.” The courtier replied instantly, sounding perturbed.

The asura looked at Vidar, who turned his glare away from the cage to the guardsman. “Vidar, you have to get back in the cage.”

“At least make it a different cage.” The sylvari spoke calmly.

“Why is Vidar out of the brig!?” He heard Johan’s voice shout behind him.

“Sir.” The asura turned to him. “There is a concern that the courtier here tried to kill him. I would suggest that we place Vidar in a separate area to serve out his time.

“You do realize your Vidar here used a portal to escape, right?” The courtier remarked snidely.

“I have no intention of purposely escaping from my jail. But you, courtier, are a different matter. Why don’t you tell us what your Nightmare Court friends are after if not Tarir?”

“Tarir? What is Tarir?”

“That’s enough.” Johan ordered. “Trilla, put Vidar in a different cage. And Vidar, don’t think of using a portal to escape again. I would hate to have to order you killed on sight.” Johan watched as the asura marched Vidar to another jail cell nearby, before turning back to the courtier. He stared at him intently, the courtier returning his glare.

“So, what are you after?” Johan asked.

The courtier laughed. “You’ll find out soon enough.”

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Images played through Ceara’s mind. The eternal alchemy, the face of Mordremoth, her battles against Tyria.

“Focus.” She gasped quietly. “Focus.” She closed her eyes and turned her thoughts to the mender that saved her life, his calm soothing voice she heard as he cared for her. She thought of her sister Amaranda.

“Amee…” she whispered. “Help me.” She thought about all the things she had done with Amaranda. How her sister had helped her through previous bouts of these same feelings. She remembered Amaranda’s voice, speaking softly as she held her. The sounds of the river flowing near Amaranda’s home. Ceara’s breathing slowed to a steady rhythm, her heartbeat slowing. She stayed kneeling on the ground as she cleared her mind, focusing on the peaceful sounds of the forest outside of Amaranda’s home. Slowly opening her eyes, the jungle came into focus, her breathing deep.

“Are you ok?” Liathlas asked sheepishly.

“I’ll be fine.” she replied softly, her voice choking.

“Are you well enough to keep travelling?” Malyck also asked.

Ceara rose to her feet slowly. “I have to be.”

#Guild Wars 2 #GW2 #Scarlet Briar #sylvari #HoT #Heart of Thorns #Seeds of Life #AU Ceara

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lovingmyselfcore · 3 years

Text

this is me trying in 3 acts

This is the longest fic I’ve ever written and published! This has been huge in my brain and now that it’s done I’m really proud of it :)

Act 1 is Asterin after her baby. Act 2 is Morrigan in Hewn City. Act 3 is both in mismatched scenes as they heal etc.

And shoutout to @the-love-yourself-journal who I very randomly updated on wordcounts and everything when I’ve been writing this

Act I; Asterin Blackbeak

I've been having a hard time adjusting

I had the shiniest wheels, now they're rusting

"You slept with a human man, you whore," She spat, "And you couldn't even give birth correctly."

"What?" The world around Asterin was hazy, and all she could feel was the relief of having her child out of her, but also fear for that same reason.

"You are pathetic,"

"What happened to my baby?"

"He was dead once he was born." A small witch Asterin didn't know murmured to her. Asterin felt her heart shatter.

"No, no, it cannot be true," She could barely get her words out, she choked over her sobs and words, like the pieces of her heart had lodged in her lungs.

If it was even possible, the world went even darker and hazier.

All she remembered after that was the smell of burning flesh and the Matron Blackbeak spitting insults at her, "Whore, filthy, broken, worthless,

Unclean.”

I didn't know if you'd care if I came back

I have a lot of regrets about that

"Asterin," Manon was staring at her with narrowed eyes. "Where did your mind go? I need you sharp."

Asterin apologized, trying her hardest to act like nothing was wrong. They all fell for it, and in a way, she hated them for it. She wanted to scream.

~~~~~~~~~~~

The Thirteen were camped out in a mountain on a mission from Manon's grandmother. They had to rise before dawn, so the other witches had retired early. Asterin, however, laid awake, thoughts and nightmares plaguing all her attempts at rest.

Nobody knew.

Nobody knew but Asterin and the Matron. Since what happened that witch that had broken the news was nowhere to be found. The Matron had probably disposed of the loose end.

Asterin pushed herself into an upright sitting position, looking around at the other witches, all asleep.

She had to be careful, they were trained to wake at a disturbance that could be antagonistic, so she had to maneuver carefully, taking her broom with her.

Pulled the car off the road to the lookout

Could've followed my fears all the way down

She wasn't sure how long she flew, but it wasn't very long.

She tossed her broom to the side and jogged up to the cliffside, falling to her knees.

Only a single tear escaped.

She looked over the side. It was quite a distance, meaning if she fell, it would likely be the end for Asterin Blackbeak.

At the bottom, she saw a figure walk out of the woods. Her shoulders tightened until she saw her hunter walking towards her cliff. He cradled a child carefully in his arms. They stopped directly under her. She couldn't hear him, but somehow she knew what he was saying.

"Come on, please. We miss you. We need you."

She leaned over the edge even farther, but she paused.

"Asterin!" She turned to find the source of the yell and saw Manon pushing her way through the crowd. Manon threw her arms around Asterin and buried her face in her neck. "Your grandmother?" Asterin asked softly, patting her cousin's back.

She felt Manon nod and led the girl into a sitting position on the floor.

She sniffed, smelling alcohol.

"So that's why you're being so physically affectionate," Asterin mumbled to herself, running her hands through Manon's hair.

When Manon's breathing deepened, Asterin lifted her into a nearby cot, knowing that Manon would tell her what happened with her grandmother if she wanted to.

~~~

“Hey, Asterin,” Faline and Fallon were both grinning at her, teeth sharp. Asterin was immediately on edge. The Demon Twins never smiled unless they were about to cause extreme bloodshed.

“Yes?” She asked carefully, never taking her eyes off of them. She had no idea what they were doing and what they had planned.

“Come with us,” Faline said, her voice like a silk noose.

“Why?”

“We noticed you’ve been off lately,” Fallon said, resting her hands on her hips where she knew knives were concealed.

“Have some fun with us!” Faline was at her shoulder now, wrapping an arm around her shoulder.

Fallon was at her other shoulder, “We’re going to take our brooms and some knives,” She produced one, twirling it expertly in her hands before flipping it, handing it hilt-first to Asterin.

“And attack some people!” Faline finished with what sounded like a disturbing giggle.

Asterin took the knife warily and took a deep breath looking at both of them.

This was what they knew, she realized, they didn’t know what was wrong but

this was their way to fix it and she felt a piece of her heart warm.

“Why not?” Asterin conceded.

The twins had glee in their eyes that Asterin knew would never come out in any form of honest laughter, but she was okay with that. She loved these demonic weirdos.

~~~~~~~~~

Ghislaine was sitting in a small corner of the room. The fireplace was crackling next to her and she sat on the floor like it was a throne. Her back was straight, her feet tucked under her as she balanced a book precariously on her lap while she took a sip from a mug.

“Is that tea?” Asterin asked, knowing full well it wasn’t.

Ghislaine just grinned, her lips too red to be simple paint.

“Who’s?” She asked, keeping an eye on Ghislaine’s book - which looked ready to tumble into the fire.

Ghislaine shrugged, “I did not ask his name.”

Asterin nodded and the pair lapsed into silence. Ghislaine was just about to continue reading when Asterin broke the stillness.

“This is going to sound,” She hesitated. “Childish, perhaps. But, will you read me a story?”

Ghislaine stared at her, only showing a single flash of surprise. “Why?”

“It’s too quiet,” Asterin mumbled, gesturing to the window. The night was still and quiet, the hum of insects and birds had ended hours ago. Normally, Asterin fell asleep next to her window, comforted by the sounds of a never-ending storm, but not tonight. “I can’t fall asleep.”

Ghislaine was silent for long enough for a flush of humiliation to spread across Asterin’s cheeks, but finally, she gestured to the small cot in the corner of her room.

Asterin laid down wearily, but already her mind had begun settling.

Ghislaine gently brushed her hair back in an uncommon motherly gesture.

She curled up on the floor by Asterin and started reading her book. It was nothing Asterin understood but she had soon been soothed enough that her eyes grew too heavy to ignore.

Somehow, she knew Ghislaine would never share what happened that night unless Asterin allowed it.

Never.

~~~~~

Vesta was the witch Asterin was closest to, aside from Manon. They loved to wreak havoc together.

She would always match Asterin’s energy. If Asterin was quieter, more tired then they wouldn’t go out for as long as they normally would, if Vesta requested they go out at all.

If Asterin was ever hesitant, Vesta would never force her to do anything or question why she was hesitant.

On the other end of the spectrum, if Asterin was aggressive. If she wanted blood instead of harmless pranks on the coven, Vesta would oblige her and they would hunt down any man hurting anyone. And then they would rip him apart.

She wouldn’t question when Asterin flinched at the sight of a mother and her child, and then that would lead to a particularly bloody evening for them.

~~~~

Briar and Edda never talked to her but on days they suspected she wasn’t well they wouldn’t leap out at her in the way they would with everyone else. The two of them, witches who took their pleasure in scaring the others, would back off

Asterin if they observed her and felt that they should.

They would distract the others while Asterin snuck off to fly and cool down, or when Asterin’s breathing became irregular and she needed the attention taken away from her.

They’d never mention when she woke suddenly in the night and escaped through the shadows when they were on watch.

They never brought it up, and she loved them all the more for it.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Imogen and Linnea were never as close with Asterin but, same as the others they never questioned her on her weird behavior. They would often back her up in her constant struggle against Matron Blackbeak.

If they were at an encampment and either of them were on watch they would allow Asterin to take off into the night on her broom.

None of them would question her if they assumed it would make her uncomfortable. They helped her if they could, all of them.

She didn’t deserve their loyalty. Their love.

She didn’t deserve them.

~~~~~~~~~~

"Those women don't even know what your grandmother's done to you," She

heard her hunter's voice in her head again.

She looked down at them and let out a dry sob, "I'm sorry my loves but I'll join you eventually. Manon and the thirteen need me now."

She could almost see her hunter’s face. His broken expression, his mouth tight as if to stop himself from asking her one final time to join them. If it was really him, which Asterin doubted. She knew he understood. He didn’t like it.

But he understood she had to leave. She would see them again, someday.

Her voice was heavy and she was just tempted to leap off the cliff and not give it a second thought, but her coven's faces just kept appearing in front of her.

So, with heavy limbs and tears streaking down her face, she left her hunter and child once again.

~~~~~~~~~

And maybe I don't quite know what to say

But I'm here in your doorway

She jumped off her broom before her feet touched the ground, it was already dawn and she saw the thirteen spread out across the mountain, but not too far, apparently searching for her.

Vesta saw her first, relief apparent on her face, and she called out to the others.

Asterin clapped Vesta's hand and pulled each other close until they were touching foreheads. The rest of the thirteen did this with Asterin too, aside from Manon, who was standing with her arms crossed in front of her chest.

"Where were you." Her voice was gruff.

Asterin bowed her head, "I apologize,"

Although it wasn't an explanation Manon apparently thought it was good enough because she surged forward, pulling Asterin into an uncommon hug.

"Whatever you did, I hope you're okay now," Manon whispered.

I just wanted you to know

That this is me trying

Asterin's heart was still fractured, but she hoped that slowly she could heal, maybe not completely. Never completely. But enough.

Asterin pulled away, slinging one arm across Manon's shoulder, the other over Vesta. The others followed suit.

"We are the Thirteen, from now until the Darkness claims us," Asterin said, the echoes of the others not far behind.

She'd lost a family. But she wouldn't forget the one she still had.

I just wanted you to know

That this is me trying

Act II; Morrigan

They told me all of my cages were mental

"I just want you to be happy, sweetheart!"

"No! No, you don't! You want me to get married and have children and never do anything other than care for my kids! I want to be someone!"

"You have so much potential!"

"Yes, I do. I could be a legendary warrior, I could live my life the way I want to. But all you want is for me to rear children."

“I know you know that I am more powerful than anybody in this family.” Mor snarled at her mother. “I know it.”

Her mother raised her chin, her eyes going hard. A stark contrast to the previous desperate passion.

“You’re still a virgin. And you’re so powerful. It’s going to be very valuable for this family when your father and I find you a powerful suitor.”

Mor went silent, her mouth slightly gaped. “No. No. NO!”

Her mother didn’t flinch, in fact, she rolled her eyes. “Sit down, Morrigan. This is your duty.” When Mor didn’t sit her mother put her hands on her shoulders, digging her nails in enough to draw blood, and forced her to sit at the vanity.

Her mother grabbed her brush and roughly pulled through Mor’s hair. “You will make us proud, Morrigan. You will not be a disgrace.”

So I got wasted like all my potential

Mor knew she needed to get out but she couldn't. She couldn't and she hated it. She hated herself. She hated her father. She hated her mother. She hated the damn Court of Nightmares.

She curled into herself on her bed, fighting tears. They all wanted so much from her. So much that she couldn't give them. She couldn't wear the dresses she wanted, lest she tempts any of the men that aren't her husband.

Her breath came out in short gasps. She needed to be numb. She couldn’t do this alone.

She hunched over and let herself become smoke and shadow.

There was a party going on in the main room, everyone was drunk or high or otherwise distracted.

Mor allowed herself a small smile as she swiped a bottle of some of the strongest liquor she knew her father had. She winnowed back to her room and allowed herself a one-woman party, stripping down to her underwear. Destroying everything she could get away with, slamming her fists into the mirror. Tearing apart the dresses her mother forced her to wear. Throwing things against the wall hard enough they broke.

Needless to say, she downed the bottle quickly.

And my words shoot to kill when I'm mad

I have a lot of regrets about that

“It’s your seventeenth birthday,” Her mother said, brushing her hair into an intricate style. Her mother wasn’t looking at her but Mor was staring at her in the mirror. “Is there anything you want to do to celebrate?”

“No.” She said, her voice stiff and shoulders tense.

Her mother sighed and a flash of pain crossed her face before setting down the brush.

“Well. I’ll see you for dinner then.”

Mor nodded.

The night of her seventeenth birthday was the same as her other nights.

Sneak a bottle, strip down, destroy everything possible. Nothing different, the same mind-numbing act that made her believe, for only a short time, that she had some kind of control over life.

Only when she would wake up, would she remember she didn’t.

A few days later she jolted awake in her bed, sharp pains in her lower abdomen. She launched herself off the bed to see a small puddle of blood where she’d been laying.

A single trickle of blood made its way out from beneath her nightgown and down her leg, hitting the floor with deafening clarity.

“Oh, mother save me,” She whispered.

Suddenly the mountain seemed to shake, Mor lunged for her bed, gripping the frame as terrible convulsions wracked through her body. The world flashed white then went still as if nothing had happened, but Mor knew the truth.

Her true power had been awakened with such intensity the mountain shook.

The realization of what this all meant washed over her like cold water, dispiriting the excitement of holding such intense power.

“Oh, cauldron.” Tears streaked across her face. “I’ve bled.”

She sunk to her knees and buried her face in her hands. “I can get pregnant.”

I was so ahead of the curve, the curve became a sphere

Fell behind all my classmates and I ended up here

She stared at her hands. They were starting to tremble. She could see the tips of her fingers shaking.

“Eris Vanserra, he’s the oldest son of the Autumn Court. He’s going to be a wonderful investment for this family. Just like you will be for him.”

The rest of her fingers.

“You’re so powerful, Morrigan. And you are pure. You will be the perfect wife. Especially if before we hand you over that attitude of yours is fixed.”

Her palms and wrists.

“How long?” She heard herself ask. She was seated at the table, her food uneaten in front of her. Her hands rested in her lap. Modest as ever dress.

Hair styled exactly like her mother always styled it.

It started as a normal dinner until her father had told her they’d found a man with the highest price to offer for her.

It had been done. She’d been sold.

“Soon, Morrigan, soon.”

She couldn’t look at him. She couldn’t. Mother above.

Eris Vanserra!

Mother above.

Her breathing came out in choked gasps, her chest was tight.

“With a few extra lessons,” Her mother said, imperious to her plight. “I can make into the perfect wife.”

“Do you know how many kids the lady of autumn had?” Mor asked softly. Her parents didn’t respond. Good. It was rhetorical. “Too many.”

“Too many,” She whispered to herself, rocking back and forth in her stiff, stone chair.

“You’re always so concerned about the children.” Her father spat. “It’s an honor to bear a High Lord’s child.”

“He might not even become High Lord.” Mor spat back.

Her father shoved away from the table and strode over to where she was. She braced herself seconds before his hand collided with her cheek.

He didn’t say anything else to her, just stood there, breathing heavily.

“Start those extra lessons immediately.” He snarled at her mother.

“Of course,” She said quietly.

Mor looked back at her hands.

Pourin' out my heart to a stranger

But I didn't pour the whiskey

“Mor?” Her cousin knocked on her bedroom door.

She threw it open and leaped into her arms. He gripped the doorframe to not fall over, wrapping his arms around her.

“Are you ready to go?” He asked softly.

She made an affirmative noise. She pulled away just enough to grab a bag with all she needed while they were in the mountains.

He wrapped an arm around her again and winnowed to the mountains.

“Thank you,” She whispered to the smoke. She didn’t think he would hear her but his arm tightened around her.

~~~

“Cass, Mor,”

Mor looked up at her cousin, her aunt, and Azriel next to him.

“It’s time for us to leave. Watch her, alright?” Rhys said to Cass, his face full of mock-seriousness.

Her aunt wrapped her arms around her and Mor felt herself melt. Rhys’ mom had always been more of a mother to Mor than her own was.

“You be careful.” Her aunt pulled away and pressed a kiss to her forehead.

The full meaning of that statement wasn’t lost on Mor.

“I’m trying my best,” She murmured back. Her aunt brought her in for another hug.

“I know, sweetheart. I know. You’re so strong. Keep fighting, okay? Always keep fighting.”

Rhys hugged her next and kissed the top of her head. “See you later, oh cousin of mine.” Mor laughed.

Azriel didn’t hug her, but he nodded in her direction and she smiled back. “All three of you come back alive, okay?”

When they were gone, Cass sat back down. “So,”

Mor sat next to him and raised her eyebrows. “What do you do for fun around here?”

A few hours later they were both sprawled haphazardly on the couch. He’d suggested they drink but she’d turned him down. Somewhere in her mind she already knew where this was going to end.

Mor was ranting to him about her problems with Eris, her father, her mother, and the entire court. And, in response, he was talking to her about what had happened to him to lead him to Az and Rhys.

When they had lapsed into silence a thought came up with Mor and she didn’t think it through before she spoke. “What if there was a way for me to escape being married to Eris?”

Cassian looked at her, intrigued.

“The only thing he wants-they want-that I have control over is my virginity.”

Understanding started to dawn in his eyes, “Morrigan, I’m not sure if-”

“Please, Cassian. Please.” Her voice was desperate now.

He looked at her. “You are just going to find someone else if I say no, aren’t you.”

She didn’t respond and he sighed.

“Well?” She asked finally.

“Come here.” He responded and she smiled, moving across the couch until she was on his lap.

He took her face in his hands, keeping her a distance from his face. “You’re completely sure about this.”

“Neither of us are drunk, Cassian. I’m completely clear-headed.”

That was all she needed to say.

I just wanted you to know

“Do you know what this is going to do, Cassian? Did you even think before jumping into my cousin’s pants?”

“It was completely consensual on both sides.” He said carefully.

“So? This is going to destroy her! This decision will cause much political scandal!”

“That’s all you care about? She is being forced into many things she doesn’t want to do, and all you care about is your political chess game.”

Rhys snarled a warning. “I am trying my damned best to help her. I love her.”

“You’ve sure got a bad way of showing it.”

Then all talking stopped and when Mor finally pushed her way out her cousin and Cass were fighting in the snow.

“Guys!” She called but she might as well have been yelling at a brick wall.

They didn’t stop.

For days, they didn’t stop.

They were at ends for so long, Az bouncing between them occasionally in arguments but mostly just looking tired.

“Please,” She whispered. They both looked up at her. “You two are brothers. Come on, I don’t want this to be the reason you two never speak again. Besides, what I do,” She glared at Rhys, “Is none of your business.”

They stared at each other. Rhys was the first to offer an olive branch. Cass grudgingly took it.

They talked animatedly for hours, working out why Rhys was so wound up about this, and very quickly began acting like they hadn’t been fighting at all.

Mor breathed a laugh as she watched them from her perch in the makeshift kitchen. They were brothers, and she was very glad she hadn’t caused the end to that. She knew her cousin needed him and from what she could tell, Cassian needed him just as much, if not more.

Later that evening the four of them (Mor, Cass, Az, and Rhys) were sitting in a circle on the floor, drinking and talking and laughing but a shadow hung over them all, putting a damper on the conversation. Mor had to go back to the Hewn City soon, and none of them were looking forward to it.

~~~~

Later, Mor was sitting on her bed in the cabin, fighting sleep. Falling asleep meant the new day would dawn sooner. Which meant she would have to leave. She was staring out the window, the reflection of the moonlight on the mountains should have taken her breath away but it was dampened by the sight of the tents which held the other Illyrian warriors camped out at this camp.

A gentle knock on her door startled her and she looked over at it with hesitance before remembering it couldn’t be her father.

“Come in,” She called.

Rhys pushed her door open and stared at her. She stared, unflinchingly, right back. He seemed awkward and uncomfortable in the doorway.

“I’m sorry.” He said finally

She didn’t respond but gestured him in.

He sat stiffly on her bed. “I know what you do isn’t my business. I know that. I do.”

She nodded her acknowledgment.

“I worry about you, Mor.” His voice was edging desperately. He wanted her to understand. “I love you and I don’t want to see you hurt.”

“Do you think Cassian will hurt me?”

He hesitated then shook his head, “Cass wouldn’t do that, I know that too. But everyone else might.” He whispered.

“I know, Rhys. But I can’t. I can’t get married and bear children to a man I don’t love. I can’t do that. That’s not who I am!” Her voice was rising above the necessary levels.

“I understand,” He murmured, tucking her into his side. “I do.”

“I love you too,” She whispered finally.

“You are too powerful and beautiful and smart to be contained. I will do anything I can to help you. I promise.”

She started crying and wrapped her arms tighter around him.

“I promise.”

That this is me trying

Mor and Eris were standing in the woods in the Autumn Court. She had her arms crossed over her chest, her braid whipping around behind her wildly.

Somehow Eris had found out about what Mor had done with Cassian, she had a feeling her cousin had reluctantly let it get around.

“I can’t.” Eris shook his head, backing away from her, “You’ve been ruined.”

Mor fought to keep her face impassive, and if she showed emotion she was miserable but her heartbeat quickened. She was so close. So close to her freedom.

“You’ve been sullied by a bastard-born lesser faerie.” Eris snarled, spitting into the dirt. “We can’t be married.”

Mor watched him carefully, she had no idea what he was going to do.

He shook his head, almost like he couldn’t believe it. “Why?”

Mor knew he wasn’t asking because he cared about their marriage, he only wanted to know why Cassian. Why an Illyrian. Honestly? She had no idea.

She stayed silent, raising her chin.

He rolled his eyes, “Right. Well. I break the union.”

And then he just walked away. He didn’t make sure she got home. Not like she wanted him to watch her winnow away but it was rude anyway.

She made a vulgar gesture at his back before leaving, grinning to herself.

He’d reacted so much better than she thought he would, then he could have reacted.

I just wanted you to know

Her mother hadn’t come to her rooms that morning, it was a serving girl who had helped her dress and was now braiding her hair. She’d known this servant for a long time. She’d grown up in the court, near Morrigan, and had been sent to assist her on many occasions. They weren’t close, necessarily but Mor felt she could talk to the girl.

Today her nimble fingers weaved through her blonde curls, her hands were steady, a stark contrast to her face which was bleached white. Her eyes were tracing the room as if she was scared something-or someone- would jump out and attack her.

“Should I be afraid?” Her voice broke the brittle silence.

The girl- Aine- didn’t stop her braiding but her lips moved though no sound came out.

“I’m not sure,” She said finally, “But I am scared for you, mistress.”

Mor’s fingers twitched, it wasn’t a great answer.

She finished with a small flourish and Mor stood. She looked herself over in the mirror, Aine fiddling with her hands behind her. Mor took a deep breath and rolled her shoulders back, raising her chin. She had done this. She had saved herself from marriage and was now going to be facing consequences.

But she had freed herself from the terrorizing grip of Eris Vanserra.

Now she had her father to deal with.

~~~~~~

“Good luck, Mistress.” Aine’s voice echoed as Mor exited her room with a sinking feeling she wouldn’t be back.

When she entered the throne room, her mother and father were both waiting for her.

Her mother’s face was something she’d never seen from her before. It was more than the disappointment she had on her face when she found her only daughter hungover or sneaking out of the kitchen at night. It was a bone-chilling disappointment. The kind of disappointment that lingered for longer than an hour. She wasn’t disheveled, her mother had most likely never been disheveled a day in her life- but her shoulders were heavy, her eyes rimmed with dark circles and her fingers twitched from their place resting in her lap.

Her father, however, was more than disappointed. He was angry. His eyes were dark with a rage that chilled the room. He wasn’t sitting like her mother was, he was standing, hands clenched at his sides, feet planted into the ground as if he was seconds away from breaking into a run or spontaneously bursting into flames. Or both.

Morrigan froze in the doorway and they both looked her up and down, both of their gazes filled with something that definitely wasn’t good.

“You’ve disappointed us.” Her mother’s voice was calm. No, calm wasn’t the word to describe it. It was careful. Calculatingly undisturbed. Mor often forgot that her mother was Hewn City thorough-bred, she was manipulative. She was dangerous. “Are you sorry?”

“No,” Mor said after a pregnant silence. “No, I’m not sorry for wanting to live my own life.”

Keir laughed but it was filled with that same anger.

Her mother stood up, resting a hand on Keir’s arm briefly before walking over to Mor. She met her eyes but didn’t reach for her.

“Mom?” She asked, fighting to stop her voice from shaking.

She reached up and caressed Mor’s face before dropping it. Then she brought it back up so suddenly Mor didn’t have time to react as her mother’s hand met her cheek. Her head snapped sideways in response. “Mom,” Her voice was a whisper of agony.

Her mom shook her head in disgust. “You are not my daughter. Not since you whored yourself out to someone so lesser.” She stepped away from Mor, “You couldn’t have even done it with another high fae. You’re disgusting.”

“Mom.”

“How dare you. How dare you! My only daughter, disgracing herself and me and especially your father in the process. You’re so powerful, you could have had powerful sons.”

That spurred her into words, “I could have had powerful sons? Not that I could use my power, just pass it on to my sons.”

“Yes.”

“The fact that you see nothing wrong with that,” Mor said meeting her eyes again, “Is so wrong. I’m so sorry for you.”

Her mother made to slap her again but Mor was expecting it this time, catching her wrist.

Her mother yanked her hand away from her and walked back to Keir, she murmured, “Do what you will.” Then turned and left, not looking at her on her way out.

Keir walked across the room to her, taking her shoulders in a tight grip, “My wife doesn’t have the stomach to watch what I have to do to you.”

A curl of fear, “And what’s that?”

“I have to teach you a lesson.” His lip curled upwards in excitement that made Mor’s stomach churn. Stepping away and motioning for her to be restrained allowed for multiple of his best warriors to enter. She was good, but there were too many. She did land a few blows of her own but her power was untrained and wild so she had to rely on her physical capabilities alone. She thought she was winning, that she was going to make it out of this with only a few cuts and bruises when one surprised her. Her legs were swept out from under her, followed by a swift kick to the ribs

“And then,” He lifted one shoulder casually as his only child was restrained in a standing position. She wasn’t against a wall, allowing him to circle her, “If you survive what I must do to you, then you become Autumn’s problem.”

One of the warriors handed him a knife, and her hell began.

She prayed to the Cauldron for her to blackout, to not feel the pain her own father was inflicting, to not hear her own screams echoing, her own blood dripping onto the marble floor.

The Cauldron, apparently, wasn’t on her side.

That this is me trying

She wanted death. She hadn’t ever wished for death like she did right now. Part of her knew she was free now and celebrated that. However, the rational part of her. The part that currently felt the blood leaving every possible place in her body, knew that she wasn’t going to be ‘free’ for very long.

She shifted, almost imperceptibly, and felt the nails in her womb shift. She pressed her lips together to contain the pained groan that attempted to escape.

She dug her nails into the soft earth and scratched futilely. She didn’t know what she wanted to happen, her legs were numb so unless she could gather enough upper body strength there was no moving from this spot.

Her father hadn’t even had the gall to take her and dump her himself. He’d had some of his most trusted soldiers leave her at the border to the Autumn Court. As soon as they’d left and her heightened senses stopped being able to pick them up she’d allowed herself a single scream.

It had torn through her with enough force to make her entire body shake. She didn’t know if she was screaming from the blinding agony she was currently in or how quickly everyone she’d ever known turned on her with an undeniable eagerness that hurt to think about.

The damp earth around her fingers was all she could think about as her mind faded in and out of consciousness. The earth seemed to be getting damper and with a horrified whimper she knew why.

Her head, her neck, her upper arms. The cuts and injuries her father had inflicted on her. They were open. That seemed so obvious in hindsight. The soil wasn’t damp from the rain. Her blood was soaking into the ground, and fast.

Another whimper escaped her lips as she dug her hands in harder, attempting to pull herself somewhere.

She yanked herself along, the sounds of her shattered broken bones shifting made bile rise to her tongue. She couldn’t see, the pain so horrible it was not even registering in her mind but it was registering everywhere else.

She pulled and pulled, inching carefully along the grass, slick with what should be running through her veins.

The birds, undisturbed, chirping above her. What she would give to be up there with them, no worries, just a simple purpose, and a simpler life.

The tears running down her face made knowing the difference between what part of her was slick with blood and what part of her was slick with tears difficult.

“Morrigan.”

Hearing her own name, knowing she wasn’t alone here to die any longer made her cry out. But, when her brain finally recognized the voice, her smile died before it began.

Eris Vanserra crouched over her, running a slender finger down her torso, beginning at her neck until he reached the note. She saw him pause and read it.

He scoffed and rolled his eyes, lips curling in distaste. “My problem?” He ran a hand through her bloody hair with enough mock-tenderness to make her shiver. “No.” He pulled his hand away, wiping it on seemingly the only patch of grass not wet with her blood.

When he stood up and walked away there was a single moment where he looked back at her, something like regret shining in his eyes and in the tightness of his lips. However, since the world started fading not a minute after, she chalked that up to her imagination.

At least I’m trying

She thought she was dead when she was picked up. She was numb all over, not feeling pain and unable to move any part of her. With more desperation and strength than she’d ever used she forced her eyes to open. She blinked quickly at the flash of light that sent shocks through her body.

“You’re free. You’re free.”

Azriel.

He seemed to recognize she couldn’t speak and cradled her closer, taking care to not bump the nails still embedded in her stomach.

“You’re out, Mor. We’re going home.”

You’re free.

Act III; The Finale

And it's hard to be at a party

When I feel like an open wound

Her cousin tried to fight her battle with her. Azriel, Cassian, and even Amren did the same. They all worked relentlessly to help her heal. She knew she had to fight her battles on her own. It was working, albeit slowly.

The group of them were stumbling down the streets during a calm night. The moonlight stretched through and reflected off the beautiful and colorful streets and buildings of Velaris. The gentle sound of the Sidra flowing sent calming waves through Mor.

The liquor in her stomach warmed her body which still confused her mind.

She’d been drinking at Rita’s with her cousin and the others this evening. In the beginning, she’d drank with them to not bring down the mood. She knew she wasn’t entirely fun to be around, not anymore or yet. But now she felt free if she didn’t stop to think much. Speaking of thinking, she was still able to do too much of it still. Rhys had an arm around her shoulder and she moved just enough to pluck the half-full bottle out of Amren’s hand. She felt Az’s eyes on her as she took a heavy swig out of the bottle and shuddered.

She flashed a small smile at him and he quickly looked away.

She took another drink before Cassian snatched it.

She didn’t know what they were talking about but she could tell she was responding. Her dress, red, low-cut, caught on her heels and the cobblestones and she flew forward. Rhys let out a startled laugh as he caught her and righted her.

She flinched then giggled drunkenly.

Amren reached over and tugged lightly on the strap of Mor’s dress. Mor thought she was going to scold her. To say she should’ve not worn such a slutty dress, she couldn’t have gotten that drunk. Stumbling was a sign of weakness. She was weak. All Amren said though was, “We need to smooth out this road, right Rhysand?”

Rhys laughed, “I’ll do my best.”

“Or you could just chop the bottom half of all your dresses off,” Cassian’s voice was slurred.

“Nope,” Az said simply.

Amren nodded her agreement, “The long dresses look amazing on her. She’s gotta keep them.” She grinned, all teeth.

Mor smiled up at the sky, the moon shining off her eyes and blonde hair like she was some kind of goddess.

She’d found her family.

A single tear whispered its way down her face and she wiped it quickly before the other noticed.

She loved these weirdo misfits, but despite that, she heard her mother whisper in the back of her mind. You may love them but they won’t stick around very long, you know that. You’ll disgrace yourself even more.

She reached for the bottle again.

It's hard to be anywhere these days

When all I want is you

When she was flying she was free. Flying with her coven, or flying alone, it didn’t matter. She was free.

The mountains were beautiful in the soft light of the dawn. She twisted through the snow-covered peaks. She was high above where anybody could see her and there, the young light warm on her face and the mountains at her sides she reached up and took her hair out of the braid she’d hurriedly threw it in not even an hour earlier.

Her hair whipped around her face, her movements throwing soft snow up from the peaks into her hair and face.

The contrasting temperatures and feelings were enough to clear her mind, she took a breath, deep enough to rattle her chest, and focused on the sensations. The ice and snow prickling her skin, and making her hair damp. The sun taking its daily trek through the sky and illuminating the snow with colors of orange and yellow and red. It was so early that even the bravest birds were asleep, and no lions or similar creatures were up this high. The silence was loud, filling her head with a warm buzzing sensation. She gripped the wood handle of her broom tightly attempting to focus solely on the feel of the wood beneath her calloused hands.

She failed miserably to say the least.

She leaned forward, bringing herself and her broom closer to the snow. She leaned down, running her hand through the smooth blanket, undisturbed by animals and humanoids alike.

It was so simple up here, so calm against the raging war constantly happening below. She wondered what it would be like to live a life like that.

If you’d stayed with him, you would know.

Him. Her hunter.

You would have raised your child, and he would have lived a life like this. Your reality wouldn’t be a constant power struggle between the witches and everyone else. Your reality wouldn’t be a permanent scar reminding you of your failure. Your reality wouldn’t be fighting to survive your own mind. Your reality wouldn't be so filled with people, yet so alone.

She allowed herself to slip off her broom into the welcoming pillow below her.

She lay still, listening to the silence of the dawn around her, and closed her eyes.

She was letting herself breathe, if only for a moment.

You're a flashback in a film reel

On the one screen in my town

The blade was a part of her, an extension of her pain. Her beliefs. In some ways, it was her. Following through on her desires, on her desperation. She had to help the humans. That was the only thought running through her brain. Slash, dodge, flip, stab, parry, disarm, kill.

She was a mindless machine, not allowing herself a flicker of doubt as she ended the lives of her own people. No. These weren’t her people. The only thing she had in common with them was being the same species.

The blades, the one in her hand and the ones strapped along her Illyrian armor, once gleamed gold in the dying light, now shone with blood. Fae blood.

She felt a warm liquid trickle down her face and wiped absent-mindedly with her upper arm.

Her senses were confused with the havoc around her but she focused, sending her mind through the throngs of people, fae and human alike. After moments of careful concentration, she found them.

Rhysand. Cassian. Azriel.

They were okay.

But she was about to not be.

She sensed the Spring Court foot soldier lunging just in time. She spun, winnowing for just long enough to appear behind him, snapping his neck.

She spared a glance around her seeing the bodies littered all over the field.

The blood ran like a river and her brain flashed to another moment where blood ran over soil.

She lifted a hand to her stomach absently.

Her ears twitched as she heard it. Screaming, human screaming.

She blindly called out to an Illyrian she passed by and paused only to see him nod in response. She took off, flying through the people, the soaring arrows and the sharp blades. It was one of them. One of the people on their side.

She lashed out frantically, dropping her sword and thrusting her hands through his chest. All the way through.

She looked down at the humans. Two of them, a father hunched over his daughter, as if protecting her.

She pulled him off of her, he was limp. Dead before she got there. The girl though, she looked to be about sixteen, her breaths coming out in short gasps, silent tears running down her face. The scratches and blood covering her proved she’d fought back.

Mor knew she had to get back to the battlefield but she kneeled anyway, pulling the girl closely against her. She gradually stopped shaking and pulled away. Looking Mor in the eye. She was afraid, but still, she looked at her unflinching. She’d just seen the barest example of what Mor could do but regardless she spoke. Her voice was hoarse, “You’re beautiful.” She ran her hands along Mor’s cheekbones carefully.

“I’m going to get you home,” Mor told her.

“I think I’m going to draw you.” She whispered.

Mor smiled, “Thank you, I appreciate that.”

The girl smiled brokenly, taking Mor’s face in her hands and pulling her close.

“Don’t stop fighting. You are a warrior princess.”

Mor smiled again, “So are you.”

The girl looked at her for a beat longer, as if checking her message got through. Finally, she broke away, tearing off into the woods.

As Mor sprinted the other direction, towards the battlefield she hoped that girl would live long enough to draw her.

Spoiler alert: She didn’t. Later, Mor found her. Her heart ripped clean out of her chest. Not even a mile from her father’s body.

And I just wanted you to know

That this is me trying (maybe I don't quite know what to say)

One day Rhys came home, his shoulders heavy, burdened by his new responsibility. Mor took a single look at him and knew. His mother and sister were dead. And he was now the High Lord of the Night Court.

She wrapped her arms around him and he fought so hard to not melt but it was only shortly after that he did, silent tears soaking through the sleeve of her dress.

Not long after she was named Rhysand’s third in command. She was third in command to the Night Court.

Sometimes, when the days got bad, she would run her hands all over her skin, where her father had cut her, where he nailed the note into her stomach. She felt unworthy, dirty. She was a slut, a whore, a monster. But then. Then she would remember a simple fact.

She outranked her father.

So she distracted and busied herself, focusing solely on her duties when she was required to go to Hewn City, not facing her father unless absolutely necessary. Her family fought hard with her and she finally worked up the courage to wear her favorite dresses when visiting Hewn City.

She’d always been scared to do it but when she finally did the look on her father's face and seeing her family get defensive on her behalf made it worth it. No, scratch that. Seeing herself stand up to him, knowing there was nothing he could do to hurt her? Worth more than every insult he spewed at her that night.

~~~~

Asterin had bad days. This was an undeniable fact, something she couldn’t outrun no matter how much she tried.

There were days where she would be incapacitated from the pain, doubled over at the idea and memories of her child, her hunter. She would trace her finger over the word engraved over her damaged womb and repeat it to herself.

“Unclean. Unclean. Unclean.”

But then she would hear her name being called. So she would pull her shirt down and go meet the thirteen for whatever adventure they were headed on.

She would take every possible opportunity to stand up to Matron Blackbeak, despite the consequences from Manon.

She would look that old bitch dead in the eyes as she did whatever it was. Asterin would make sure she understood. She understood that this wasn’t completely about whatever trivial offense she’d committed. This was about the pain the matron had put her through. Had put what had to be countless witches before her (and possibly after) through.

She would curse, spit, even attempted a slap once or twice but it never made her feel powerful, or strong because it never stuck. The Matron was still in complete control, and Manon wouldn’t fight back against the Matron, never anything to upset the scales at least.

I just wanted you to know

She was healed. Not completely, she doubted she would ever be rid of the lingering trauma lovingly gifted to her by Hewn City. By her father, more specifically. But every time she put on one of her favorite dresses, she didn’t hear her mother’s voice in the back of her head.

She partied at Rita’s without inhibition, drinking as much as she wanted, spending her nights with whoever she wanted. She had control over her magic, she could fight (and she could fight really well, ask Cassian), and she loved herself. Meals were always filled with laughter and witty banter, something that before Velaris she’d never known. She had hit her peak in life, she had never been happier.

Mor fastened the jewelry to her pointed ears, smiling at herself in the mirror.

“Mor!” Cassian’s voice carried up the stairs. “Hurry up, I’m hungry!”

“Poor baby!” She called back.

“Stop taking your sweet time and get your ass down here!”

“Don’t talk about a lady’s ass, you heathen.” That was Amren. Mor couldn’t stop her very unladylike snort.

She heard vague crashing noises and then Rhys’ voice called, “Mor, you know I’m all for spending time on appearances but please before the entire Night Court gets destroyed because Cassian pissed Amren off.”

She couldn’t see them but from the noises, she could assume Rhys had Cassian by the arms and Azriel had placed himself in front of Amren, both of them fighting to stop the carnage.

She ran her fingers through her hair before backing away from her vanity and sauntering out of her bedroom.

She was right, her family was in a stand-off in the sitting room.

“Come on, you uncontrollable monsters.” She pushed her way to the front of them, met with grumbles from Cassian and Rhysand.

After dinner they were walking the streets of Velaris, stumbling along the bank of the Sidra.

“Morrigan?” A small voice asked. They all turned to see a girl, who must have been only five, standing there. She looked nervous as all hell and clutched between grubby hands was a white rose. She held it out to Mor who crouched to be eye-level with the girl.

“This is for you,” She whispered, her voice barely audible above the rush of the Sidra.

Mor’s heart warmed and she took the rose, and with painstaking care, she tucked it into her hair, “Thank you, sweetheart. What’s your name?”

“Beline,” She tucked her hands behind her, face red from the attention Mor was giving her. “I want to be like you when I grow up.”

“I have a feeling that you’re going to be better, Beline.”

A woman’s voice called Beline’s name. “Is that your mother?”

Beline nodded.

“Well, I guess you’d better run home, honey. Thank you very much for the flower, I’ll treasure it forever.” She swore, a hand over her heart.

Beline went crimson and giggled before racing off in the direction of her mother’s voice.

Mor did keep that flower, she dried it out and pressed it between the pages of her favorite novel that was always on her dresser. She was glad she had a reminder of that evening. The last peaceful and happy evening she would have for fifty years because it was very shortly after that everything went to hell.

~~~~~

Asterin grinned at Vesta, teeth sharp and bloody. Vesta grinned right back. She heard other coven members cackle behind her, and Asterin knew their grins were just as bloody.

Asterin threw her arms out with a laugh, her nails were caked with blood and dirt and who knows what else.

The Thirteen were standing in a field, ankle-deep in remains. A trickle of blood made its way down Asterin’s cheek.

Manon was picking her way through the piles of bodies toward her.

“Gods, that was fun!” Vesta exclaimed.

Asterin spun to see the other members of the coven. Thea and Kaya were shoulder to shoulder, talking in low tones, they weren’t grinning or cackling like the others but their eyes were shining.

Ghislaine was shoving her way through the bodies and looking distastefully at the blood covering her clothes.

Faline and Fallon were crouched over a few fresher bodies and when they looked up at Asterin, their chins and teeth were coated in blood, their grins were maniacal.

Imogen was wiping the blood from her face, Linnea was picking what looked like skin from her teeth, and Briar and Edda were kicking and prodding the bodies, making sure they were dead.

Manon finally reached Asterin’s side and threw an arm over her shoulder. She licked her lips, surveying the bloody field. “This was fun, but you know we have a lot of concerns back home. My grandmother’s pissed at us for something.”

Asterin looked at her and sighed, “Yeah. But come on, Manon. Live a little! Enjoy this!” She swept her arms out wildly.

Finally, a grin broke across her face, “We did good.”

“Hell yeah, we did!”

The two of them were standing at the top of the hill together, washed in moonlight and blood, watching the coven below them.

“This one’s still alive!” Briar shrieked.

“Live a little, Manon,” Asterin repeated. Manon grinned at her then shoved away and sprinted down the hill.

That this is me trying

Mor opened the library door with her hip, holding two mugs tightly in her hands.

Feyre Archeron was sitting in an armchair that seemed to be swallowing her whole. She had her arms crossed over her stomach and ribs, hunched over painfully.

Mor made her steps louder to not completely scare the girl who looked like at the slightest disturbance she would disappear.

Feyre didn’t move at Mor’s entrance but her ears twitched and her nose flared slightly.

She felt herself smile and catch her breath, Feyre wasn’t afraid of her. She knew it was Mor and she hadn’t gotten defensive at her entrance. That was all she and Rhys wanted. They wanted her to know she could trust them.

She lowered herself into the chair next to Feyre, setting one of the mugs on the coffee table in front of her. Only after Mor had relaxed into the chair and taken a sip did Feyre straighten, just slightly, and reached with shaky, emaciated hands for the mug.

They sat in comfortable silence, snowflakes fluttering outside the window in the dark, watching the fireplace crackle and spark with life. The only light in the room.

She was determined to help this girl, even if it killed her.

~~~

Asterin hung back, watching Elide Lochan carefully.

The girl held a laundry basket against her hip, keeping her weight off her bad ankle with a skill that came with years of practice. That idea sent a jolt of protective anger through Asterin. If he didn’t get what was coming to him soon, Asterin was going to give it to him.

Elide was talking in low tones to another servant girl. After they resolved the conversation Elide smiled kindly to the girl and walked off to take her basket where it needed to be.

She was about to walk up the stairs when something made her stiffen and turn. She scanned the corridor until her eyes landed on Asterin, who was half-hidden behind a column.

Elide visibly relaxed and smiled. The look in her eyes was so uncommon to be directed at an Ironteeth witch that Asterin’s breath caught.

She was so relaxed with them, she knew she was safe with them and that was what caused a smile to bloom across her face.

Surprise flashed in little Elide’s eyes and they stood there, watching each other until, “Elide! I need that dirty laundry!”

Elide called up the stairs, “Of course, I’m coming!”

Elide nodded at Asterin, still smiling, and walked up the stairs out of sight.

It was a small moment in time, fleeting compared to the centuries Asterin had lived through and insignificant when compared to what was going to happen, but that moment stuck with her.

She was going to protect that girl, even if it killed her.

At least I’m trying

13 notes · View notes

megalony · 4 years

Text

Arrested

This is a murderer! dad! Ben imagine that I hope everyone will like, feedback is always appreciated.

Taglist: @lunaticspoem @butlegendsneverdie @langdonzvoid @jennyggggrrr @rogmeddows @radiob-l-a-hblah @rogertaylorsbitontheside @chlobo6 @rogertaylors-lipgloss @sj-thefan @omgitsearly @luckytrashgooprebel @scarsout @deaky-with-a-c @killer-queen-ofrhye @bluutac @vousmemanqueez @jonesyaddiction @ambi-and-sunflowers @milanosaurus @httpfandxms @saint-hardy @7-seas-of-fat-bottomed-girls @mrsalwayswritex @rogerina-owns-me @peterquillzsblog @im-an-adult-ish @crazylittlethingg @allauraleigh

Murderer! Ben masterlist

Summary: Ben gets arrested again at their new home in front of their boys but he assures (Y/n) and their sons that he’ll be back by morning.

Enjoy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"What are you looking at, baby?" (Y/n)'s eyes found themselves glued to her younger son who was kneeling on the foot rest which was propped up in the centre of the bay window. The foot rest was primarily where it was so that the four year old could stare out of the window without trying to kneel on the table that resided there a few weeks ago. Ben swapped them round as not to have Briar falling off the table again.

(Y/n) didn't quite know what it was, but Briar seemed to have a fascination with looking out the window. He liked staring at the willow tree across the road and he could faintly see the duck pond further across the street.

Walking through the rather small but quaint living room, (Y/n) sat down on the foot rest next to Briar, brushing his blond locks out of his eyes as she smiled tenderly at him. There was always a faraway look in Briar's eyes that captured (Y/n)'s attention, he was such a quiet child but there was always something happening in his mind.

When he didn't answer her right away, (Y/n) reached out and pulled on the white lace hanging from the top of the window. With the path being so close to their front door and window, they had drapes hanging over the window with patterns in the lace so that no one could properly see into the house for more reasons than one. (Y/n) pulled the rather itchy material to the side so she could better look out of the window like Briar was doing but when she realised what he was staring at, her blood ran cold.

The all too familiar sight of two police cars were the main attraction that had captured Briar's attention and thankfully, he didn't seem upset or too panicked by this new sight.

One car was parked across the road, obscuring the view of the pond a little further over in the distance, but the other car was right in front of their house meaning this was no mistake or false alarm. They were here for Ben.

"Go to your room." (Y/n) stood up a little too quickly for her head to comprehend but the heavy feeling in her head was overcome by the desire to panic. Her hands swooped under Briar's arms and picked him up, setting him down on his feet before she nudged him in the right direction, needing him to be out of the way.

(Y/n) followed swiftly after Briar out of the room but as the young boy turned right and tried to hurry up the stairs, (Y/n) turned left and headed into the kitchen where she knew Ben would be. He was where she had left him ten minutes ago, stood leaning against the sink, expertly wrapping a roll of white bandage tape around his right knuckles. Each swirl of the bandage around his hand effectively covered up the four tattoos that were placed over each of his knuckles and it was surprising for (Y/n) to see her husband without at least one ring on any of his fingers.

He was wearing his usual high-waisted trousers that covered his hips but no t-shirt, exposing the rest of the tattoos he had spread variously over his skin. They weren't extensive but he did have a few, one noticeably at the back of his neck which Archie was fascinated with, especially now Ben's hair was shaved at the back of his head.

"What's up?" The words came out obscured due to the bandage that was clasped between Ben's teeth, tearing through it like a wild animal.

"The police are here, again." (Y/n) couldn't help the malice in her tone and for some reason it angered her when Ben's eyes briefly widened before suddenly closing as he sighed. It was like she had just told him that her annoying sister was here unannounced, not the police who were most likely here to arrest him.

"Fuck." Ben threw the leftover roll of bandage onto the counter next to the sink, running his better hand through his hair as he tried to think.

"This will be the third time they've come out to arrest you Ben and we've been here six months! Please tell me they won't have anything on you." (Y/n) almost jumped out of her skin when a sudden but very abrasive knock sounded on the frosted glass of the front door. The sudden noise causing her hand to move to her stomach that was in knots when the baby started to move from the shock. She could see the black and vibrant neon green colours of the uniform through the glass and she knew there would be some kind of gun or weapon in their hands when they entered the house.

It was no secret that they moved a lot and that the reason they moved was because of Ben. If the neighbours found out the reasons why Ben was arrested they would become suspicious and the amount of times Ben came and left in the dead of night or had his workers coming to the house was more than enough reason for neighbours to shop them to the police.

Whenever they moved, they tried their upmost best to try and be normal and seem like a lovely family but the charade usually died out after the first month or so. But (Y/n) liked this house, she was really beginning to love living here and it was the best one they'd stayed in so far. The boys loved this house, it was convenient for Ben going to work at the club and close for (Y/n)'s work and the boy's school. But if this kept up for much longer they would be moving again.

"They'll have nothing on me, I'll be out by morning I promise-" Ben cut himself off when the same loud, obnoxious knocking sounded at the door, showing they were clearly getting impatient when they shouted that it was the police as if they didn't already know who it was at the door.

(Y/n) felt Ben's hand on her lower back as he followed her out of the kitchen and down the hall, they couldn't have the police breaking the locks to get inside like they had done at their last house. But panic shot through them both when they saw Briar standing in the middle of the stairs, debating whether to go back up or go down. When he saw Ben, his mind was made up and he wobbled down the steps until he reached Ben whose eyes were full of panic and anger, he didn't want Briar to be down here with the police because they were never calm or nice when they barged in.

Leaning over, Ben scooped Briar up into his arms and (Y/n) caught sight of Ben whispering something to him as he bounced their youngest boy in his hip before (Y/n) opened the door.

She had the knack of this down to a T now, twist the key, grab the door handle loosely and run backwards whilst opening the door so she didn't either get trapped behind the door or taken in the stampede of officers who never once came in politely. They didn't look at her and silently ask her to move or for them to be allowed in, they didn't weave around her or give her two seconds to get out of the way. They barged in, pushed her to the side and mowed her down to get the man they wanted that never ended up in their custody for more than three days at a time.

(Y/n) rested one arm over her stomach like she was protecting the baby from them as her other arm moved so that she could bite her thumb out of nervous habit.

The first time this happened was the worst.

She'd known, she'd always known what kind of things Ben got up to and she turned a blind eye because she loved him and she couldn't change who he was. But the first time the police stormed into their home to arrest him was the one (Y/n) had nightmares about. It didn't dawn on her that Ben might be arrested at home, anything he did was always connected to the club and not home life so she simply assumed the police would look for him there.

But when they stormed into the first house they had together and arrested Ben, (Y/n) didn't know what she was meant to do until he came home the next evening. It had been nerve-wracking to be nineteen with a newborn and to have her boyfriend taken away in handcuffs.

(Y/n) leaned her back up against the wall, her eyes locking with Ben's when he turned to look at one of the four officers here to arrest him who took the bold move of standing in front of Ben.

"Mr Hardy, we have a warrant for your arrest." The officer speaking couldn't have been more than twenty-two but looked nineteen and his inexperience showed greatly in his eyes and expression. He tried to speak with the air of confidence Ben owned no matter what he was saying and when the young boy had to look up at Ben because of the height difference, he was nearly shaking in his shoes.

The young boy swallowed visibly when Ben quirked a brow at him and his upper lip twitched like he was between snarling and smiling down at him. He jumped when Ben reached out with his free hand and took the warrant from his hand so he could read it over for himself.

Ben had been rather lucky and sneaky the last time they arrested him with a warrant instead of no reason at all because the warrant had the wrong name on it. It had been a name Ben used for his backstreet deals so when he showed them his drivers license, they couldn't arrest him.

But he knew this time around they would have his name and address right and they seemed to have some kind of evidence on him that he would undoubtedly be able to swing his way and get himself out. Ben had all sorts of tricks up his sleeve that he kept for rainy days like today, there was no way he would be charged with anything and if this was about what he thought it was, Ben had committed that murder over a month ago. It had taken them that long to find something connecting him to the murder so the chances were they didn't have all that much on him.

When Ben dropped the warrant on the floor (Y/n) looked at him warningly, wondering if he was about to start a fight or resist but he didn't. He sent her one of his signature smiles that made her hold her breath in anticipation. She watched as he gently set Briar down on the stairs, urging him to go up but he stood paralysed, watching too as Ben moved over to where officer Lee stood. He was the one who was always trying to arrest Ben and get him sent down for something and Ben was playing on that right now.

He was joking, he wasn't taking the arrest seriously at all. When he reached officer Lee, he held his hands out in front of him with a sickening grin that made Gwilym want to punch him. But knowing he couldn't do that, he grabbed his cuffs and roughly clipped them over Ben's wrists that didn't even make him flinch.

"Boys..." (Y/n) glanced up at the stairs before she moved over to where Ben was standing, their eyes locking once again.

(Y/n) could see Archie and Owen stood halfway up the stairs, not wanting to be obvious in their observations but also not wanting to stay in their rooms when they knew something was happening.

"Upstairs now. I'll be back in the morning." All of the boys seemed to flinch at Ben's tone and the look in his eyes urging them to listen to him and go back up out of the way. Owen and Archie seemed to disappear very quickly but Briar stayed where he was for a second longer, looking at Ben whose eyes softened at his youngest to try and show him it was alright.

There was some kind of confliction in Briar's eyes before he moved until he could latch himself around Ben's legs like a leech not wanting to part from him. If it were Archie or Owen doing this Ben would have told them off or quickly detached them from him but with it being Briar he couldn't. Briar was quiet, he was anxious and he was distant and sometimes he didn't quite see or understand what was going on around him and Ben was the one he wanted to be with to calm down.

Pulling away from officer Lee, Ben bent down until he could hook his cuffed wrists over Briar's head to allow him to hug his youngest boy to his chest.

"I won't be long buddy, you gonna look after your mum 'til I get back?" Ben whispered the words quietly before he moved his arms down in order to pick Briar up. His eyes shot warning glances at the officer who took one step closer like he was going to take Briar off Ben but he stopped at the dangerous look in Ben's eyes. Ben wasn't going to hurt his boy or make a scene or use him as leverage, he had already let the cuffs be placed on his wrist, he wasn't about to resist arrest now.

(Y/n) quickly leaned over and took Briar from Ben when he moved his arms over to her after kissing Briar's temple to calm him down.

As bad as it was, this wouldn't be the first time any of the boys had seen Ben be arrested and it most likely wouldn't be the last. They had no idea what Ben got up to or why he got arrested but every time he came home either the same day or the very next morning, they were just told some lie about Ben getting away or being clever or the police getting it wrong.

(Y/n) leaned against the banister, looking up to check the boys had gone before she felt Ben leaning close to her. The words 'usual routine' were whispered in her ear and she nodded before the officer pulled on Ben's arm to get him to move. (Y/n) knew what he meant, she had to go out to the shops or take the boys out as usual so if the police were watching, they would see her. Staying cooped up in the house would suggest (Y/n) was worrying about the arrest or could suggest she was packing things ready to scarper. But going out showed she wasn't that worried and was getting on with her day and it would give Ben a little hold over the police if his family still acted normally and like he would be back by morning, which he should be.

A smile played on Ben's lips when officer Lee walked him out the door without even letting him put a shirt on first and that smile was agitating the officer a lot more than he was letting on.

Just as they walked out of the gate, Ben turned his head to look over his shoulder and flashed his teeth when he saw the neighbours on the right side peeking out of the curtains to see what was happening. This wasn't a bad area, the police didn't usually come round here and Ben and (Y/n) kept to themselves. Seeing him being carted away by the police wasn't something they would have imagined.

Seeing the tattoos covering his skin wasn't the best thing either because (Y/n) knew the neighbours were like their old ones, tattoos meant trouble or thugs to them and Ben fit the perfect image of a criminal in their eyes.

The moment Ben smiled at them they disappeared back behind the curtain as if they were never really there and when Ben wandered his eyes to the doorway of his and (Y/n)'s house, he smiled at (Y/n) who was stood leaning against the door frame with an anxious look in her eyes. He could almost see her shiver when he winked at her before he was almost pushed into the police car in front of their house.

He wouldn't be long.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Climbing out of the car, Ben rolled the sleeves of his shirt up to his elbows as he walked past the gate and up to the front door. He hoped (Y/n) hadn't gone out anywhere or he'd have to get Joe to give him a lift to the club and wait for (Y/n) to come home. Ben had no time to grab his phone or his keys yesterday when being arrested. But (Y/n) would have known this so he doubted she would have gone out anywhere.

Just as Ben reached the front door and found that it was unlocked, he stopped still when the neighbour's door suddenly opened and he was looking at the slightly older woman he had seen watching him yesterday when he was arrested. Ben didn't know her name because he didn't interact with any of their neighbours. He would smile sweetly and say hello on the odd occasion but it was (Y/n) and the boys who talked to them and put up the act of a loving family with no problems.

They usually just said Ben was busy working and it always worked.

"Mornin'." Ben smiled at her like he'd just won some sort of game that she didn't even know she was playing and his voice and appearance clearly surprised her, she wasn't expecting to see him there when she opened the door to put the bins out.

"Hello." She eyed Ben up and down warily with a scrutinising gaze but his smile never wavered and it clearly unsettled her. She watched Ben open his front door and she looked like she was debating saying something else or getting on with the task at hand. But she let out a sigh and turned in his direction, looking at him over the small fence separating the houses. "I saw you being taken away in a police car again yesterday, leaving that poor girl and those kiddies shaken, especially the little one."

"I know, I put in a complaint this morning at the station." Ben leaned his head back to peek into the house when he heard footsteps before he bent down to pick Briar up when the four year old silently barrelled over to him.

Ben wasn't stupid, he knew the neighbour was implying Ben wasn't the nicest person and it was him that had scared his family but if (Y/n) wanted to try and keep up their spotless image and not let the neighbours know what he did, he wasn't going to go against that.

"Bail, is it?" She spoke quieter when she noticed that Ben now had Briar in his arms but there was a disapproving tone to her voice and in her sneering gaze. "Cleared of any charges."

Ben was about to head back inside with Briar but he stayed where he was when he noticed something in her eyes and the way she looked like she was going to say something. Her lips curled in distaste at his words that she clearly didn't believe.

"Really... why arrest you then?"

Such a smirk came onto Ben's face that set the woman on edge and made her take a step back into the doorway of her house for safety as Ben took a step closer until he was on the threshold of his own home, ready to go inside. He could see she was nosy and disapproving and it made him glad he didn't know or speak to her. It also made Ben sure that he would be winding her up in the near future.

"They arrested me for murder. You can't do anything these days without them knowing." Ben spoke quietly at first but he could already see that Briar was drifting off in his own world. He flashed a toothy grin at the woman before he went inside and shut the door behind him.

He was telling her the truth, but how was she to know that?

#ben hardy #ben hardy imagine #ben x reader #dad! ben #imagine #BoRhap #gwilym lee #murderer! ben

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rosesloveletters · 3 years

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For the ACROSTIC F/O ASK GAME: Jakob <3

thank you for asking, Magda💛 I'll just be answering random ones for Jake, since I've already answered the full acrostic. goodness, I love the sweet baby angel, Jakob is so so precious🥺 🥺

G - Gush! talk about how much you love them 💜

I could gush about Jakob all day and not ever get tired, I know that sounds excessive, but he's been one of my only consistencies this year. I've had such a poor mental health year and Jakob has kept me going simply because of his zest for life and the fact that I see myself in him. I love him in the same way that I want to be loved and he never disappoints me or leaves me wanting for anything. He is so cuddly and he loves to let me hold onto him at night and in the early morning. When I cuddle with Will, he will get jealous and cuddle against my back and make soft, needy noises until I turn over and give him a few kisses and hold him. He can't sleep soundly without me close by or Will; he used to get night terrors and when he wasn't having horrible nightmares, he would toss and turn and kick around restlessly as he talked in his sleep. He could never get into a deep sleep, but with Will and I close to him while he sleeps, he passes out as soon as his head hits the pillow and he sleeps like the dead.

Jakob has so much to give to this world. He is so very brave and his intellect is unmatched. So many underestimate him or think he is too childish to accomplish much of anything, but what they don't realize is that what they do would be impossible without him. Every one of us relies on his knowledge of folktales and his writings. He is also very skilled at keeping records and Will leaves him in charge of that aspect of their business.

I love Jakob for everything that he is and how, when it comes down to a necessity, he is not afraid to stand up for himself. he doesn't like to fight with Will, but sometimes they bring out the worst in each other. Most times, he will just take the beatings, but not always. If something is important to Jakob, he will go to war to defend it and I admire him so much for that.

Jakob holds wisdom beyond his years and I admire him for his talents, his love and his dedication to those he loves as well as himself. He isn't going to give up on what he believes in, once his mind is made up, he expects to be considered and shown the same courtesy as others. Just because he thinks differently, he does not stand aside or let his thoughts be pushed under the rug. He is who he is and the world can take it or leave it, he won't change just to please someone else. All that Jakob stands for is exactly how I want the world to perceive me, even if it's hard to model myself after him at times. Jakob means much more to me than I can possibly write, but for him, I'll always try.

Q - Quirk - what’s a small, unique thing they do that you noticed, appreciate, or just find interesting? conversely, what quirks do they notice about you?

Jakob is very quirky😂 I'll just tell you a couple: he acts crazed with excitement when he's been drinking, he chews on the ends of his quills, when he gets too excited about something it's hard for him to talk, so he starts using sound-effects to get his point across, he talks to himself while he writes so he can hear the lines out loud before writing them down, he NEVER cleans his glasses (so I have to do it because it bothers me😂 😂)

I don't really know what quirks he would notice about me.

R - Rainbow - what colors do you associate with them and why?

I associate Jakob with forest green and other earthen colors, because he reminds me of the forest and the natural world. He seems to be at one with nature, in his own way.

S - Story - if you and them were in a fairytale, which story would you be and who would play which character?

If we were a fairytale, we would be Jakob's version of Sleeping Beauty. He would be the prince and I'd be the princess, Briar-Rose; he would come and release me from the curse, undeterred by the thorns growing out of control around the castle and the vines would part for him alone.

U - Uplift - how do they help you when you’re stressed or sad and vice versa?

Jakob finds that cuddling with me and letting me tell him about why I'm stressed or upset helps a lot. He tries to get me to do things with him that are relaxing, but his favorite is having me read out of his book or he will read to me new stories he is working on or ones he's already completed.

Jakob also likes to be cuddled when he is sad, but he really likes having his hair gently played with and his scalp scratched, so I keep my nails long for him. He will often talk about what is bothering him, unlike his brother, and talking it through helps. Occasionally, he will cry while I hug him tight. Crying helps us both and once we've released that emotion, we feel much better.

questions taken from ‘acrostic f/o ask game’.

#self-shipping #🌹grimmrose

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josephinemoore · 3 years

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I saw JOSEPHINE MOORE at a coffee shop in QUEENS today. I forgot how much SHE looks like CANDICE KING. They are a THIRTY-TWO year old WEDDING PLANNER who’s been in NYC for A MONTH now. Every time we run into each other, they are always KIND-HEARTED & BUBBLY but I’ve heard people say they can also be STUBBORN & SUSPICIOUS. FIGHT SONG BY RACHEL PLATTEN reminds me of them every time it comes on the radio.

hello my loves , it’s caroline again and i’m here with another blonde ! this is josephine aka alexander warren’s long lost sibling dun dun dunnnnnn. as always , if you would like to plot , all you gotta do is like this post and i shall appear in your ims as soon as possible.

trigger warnings : mentions of child neglect , domestic violence , substance abuse , overdose , infertility & miscarriage.

BACKSTORY.

born josephine briar warren , daughter of robert warren and alycia reynolds , she was the youngest of two kids. the family lived in hermosa beach , california during all of josie’s childhood.

she was basically raised by her older brother , alexander , since their parents were too busy with their drug business to care for their children.

josie worshiped the ground alexander walked on. he was her very best friend in the whole wide world and she was fascinated by everything he did.

abuse tw : her father’s alcohol and drug problem became worse as the years went by and soon he began abusing josie’s mother and sometimes even alexander. the little girl , however , was lucky enough not to receive any of the physical abuse. she’d learnt to run and hide whenever her father went on one of his rampages.

everything changed when she was nine years-old : alexander wasn’t home when a particularly bad fight broke out between their parents. a concerned neighbor called social services and they ended up taking josephine away. she kicked and screamed for her brother but it was in vain , they took her away and she never got to say goodbye.

josie was put in foster care and spent most of her time holed up in her room , crying herself to sleep for a full month. more often than not , she’d wake up in the middle of the night from nightmares of her father beating her entire family up or of the day she was taken away.

vivian and jeremiah taylor appeared in josephine’s life nearly three years after she was put in foster care. the couple immediately fell in love with the bubbly yet spunky blonde-haired girl and decided to adopt her.

it took josie some time to warm up to her new adoptive parents. they spoiled her with things and , more importantly , love and affection. but since that was something she never experienced coming from a parental figure , josie was reluctant and suspicious.

with time , she grew to accept the fact she was wanted and loved. josephine’s name was officially changed to josephine briar taylor when she was sixteen and it was a day filled with warm hugs and happy tears.

her parents encouraged her to follow her dreams. she was enrolled in the best school , as well as dance class so she could have something to unwind after a stressful day. since education wasn’t a priority during her childhood , it took josie a while to get the hang of things in school. thankfully , she managed to catch up and graduate in time.

her mother worked in a bridal boutique and sometimes josephine would stop by on her way home from school. she’d always her mom interact with brides-to-be , the way they all got teary-eyed whenever they found the dress of their dreams. the aura of the place made josephine happy and excited , so she’d ask to help her mom carry dresses and find acessories whenever possible.

she quickly realized that the wedding industry is where she wanted to be. but instead of being a bridal consultant , she wanted to plan entire weddings. so when graduation rolled around , josephine sent out college applications with her major set in mind : event planning.

josephine was accepted into university of central florida and , while it pained her to leave her parents behind , packed her bags and flew out across the country to start the next chapter of her life.

in college she found herself. maybe it was the fact she was miles and miles away from her birth parents drama, or maybe it was simply the new environment. josie became chattier & happier , making friends wherever she went.

during her second year of college , she met the man who’d later become her husband. the two ran in the same social circles and quickly became best friends. they were there for each other during stressful times such as finals or when one of their flirtationships fizzled out. the two would only get together , however , a short few months before josephine’s graduation.

they both knew they were it for each other and didn’t waste time moving into a small apartment after graduation. the couple ended up staying in florida since he got a job offer that he couldn’t possibly pass on. however, josie flew out to california to visit her parents whenever possible , or they flew in to visit the lovebirds.

josephine’s boyfriend got down on one knee when she was twenty-five. he proposed on christmas morning , in their living room in front of their tiny but filled with presents christmas tree.

being a wedding planner , it took josephine nearly a year and a half to plan the wedding of her dreams. she obsessed over the tiniest of details and had quite a few breakdowns whenever a deadline approached. in the end , it all paid off. she had a picture perfect summery wedding surrounded by her parents and friends. the one thing missing was her big brother , alexander.

josephine always knew she wanted kids , even if the thought of being a mom scared her. she was terrified of being a bad parent like her biological ones had been , but at the same time she wanted to prove to herself that she’d be nothing like them.

infertility & miscarriage tw : getting pregnant was a long , exhaustive process for the blonde. it took her an entire year to feel ready to start trying for a baby , and then month after month after month , the countless pregnancy tests she’d take would turn out negative. when she finally fell pregnant , she ended up having a miscarriage around nine weeks along.

the loss devastated josephine , who retreated into her shell and became distant. the two months following the miscarriage were hard on her marriage since she barely spoke to her husband , thinking he saw her as a failure.

slowly but surely , she went back to the person she used to be before and , much to her surprise , found out she was pregnant only six months after the loss.

josephine gave birth to a gorgeous , chubby baby girl named olivia grace moore. the baby stole her heart as soon as their eyes met and josie swore she’d do everything for her and never let her down.

having her daughter only made her miss her brother even more. she’d tried to find him throughout the years but never managed to. that is , until she got a lead. somehow she managed to locate alexander , who seemed to be living in new york for over a decade now.

before josephine could share the news with her husband , he gave some of his own : a big promotion in which he’d have to move to new york. it all seemed too good to be true , like something that would only happen in her dreams. josephine packed up her things and moved to new york with her husband and daughter , ready to start a new chapter of her life and , hopefully , find her older brother.

PERSONALITY.

despite everything she’s been through during her childhood , josie is probably the bubbliest person you’ll ever meet. she’s always got a smile on her face and a positivite outlook on things.

she loves meeting new people , though underneath her bright smiles and sweet giggles , she’s internally side-eyeing you until she forms a strong opinion on whether or not she wants to be friends with you.

she still has nightmares about her childhood. though they’re not as frequent as they used to be back when she was nine , they still happen. when they do , josie is usually a bit quiet and distant in the days that follow. she knows she’s safe now but she can’t help but be overly alert of her surroundings.

more will be added when my brain isn’t mush

WANTED CONNECTIONS.

husband (major wc , will probably send something to the main later)

college / florida friends

good influence

bad influence

party friends

mom squad

josie’s full wanted connection list is here

EXTRA.

she wants another kid but she’s scared to go through what she did when she was trying to get pregnant with olivia

would love to open up her own wedding planning business

pls don’t ever call her josephine unless 1) it’s a professional conversation or 2) you want her to think you’re mad at her

( @villagestart )

#villageintro #i did ......... not expect to write this much lmao

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kinda-iconic · 4 years

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Kinda-iconic’s Choices Masterlist

It’s been quite some time since I last organised my masterlist, so I thought that it may be better for me to start a brand new one that has been updated.

Books I have written for so far include: Bloodbound, Desire and Decorum, Distant Shores, Perfect Match and Veil of Secrets.

The following is an up-to-date version of my masterlist - and I have to admit that there is a shed load of Adrian content, so I do apologise!

Caution: There is a GIF that contains flashing, so please be careful when proceeding - thank you in advance!

Generic (relationships implied)

I’m not a child! (Adrian x MC implied)

Summary: A number of weeks after Gaius’ return, Amy and Lily find themselves constantly passed around the three council members, each one taking different precautions with regards to their safety. To prevent them from coming to any harm, they are often kept in constant isolation, with no connection to the outside world. After a while, they are placed permanently under Jax’s protection, only seeing Adrian and Kamilah when they visited to discuss their next move against the former Vampire King. As the possibility of returning to their apartment becomes unlikely, Amy decides to take matters into her own hands.

Adrian x MC (Amy)

Eternity can Wait

Summary: After a busy evening at the office, the pair head back to Amy’s apartment, though it’s not long before her fears for the future get the better of her, and she begins to ask Adrian how he feels about their future as a couple.

The Hardest Goodbye

Summary: It has been a couple of weeks since the showdown with Vega, and the Council have been doing everything in the power to restore order to the City, starting with the cover-up of the Late Senator’s death. For some time, every clan leader remains hidden from the public eye, watching the city recover from the aftermath of the Feral attacks. Believing that they may uncover something of use against further attacks, Amy accompanies Adrian back to the cabin; though it isn’t long before the past resurfaces.

Thunder

Summary: When a storm envelops the city of New York, Amy and Adrian find themselves reminiscing their childhood fears.

Fail to Prepare, prepare to Fail

Summary: It’s been days since Gaius’ return, and the Council have been doing everything in their power to prevent him from succeeding with his schemes. Knowing that he will not rest until he gets what he desires, Jax enlists the help of Adrian and a rather Reluctant Kamilah to train MC (Amy) and Lily how to fight.

Reminiscent and Reminiscent part 2

Summary: Immediately after the council meeting, the team return to Lily and MC’s (Amy) apartment to reflect on the events of the past few days.

The Truth will out

This was an entry for a 500-word Drabble, so I did not give it a summary. However, if you like angst and characters revealing things that they shouldn’t about other characters, then you’ve come to the right place!

Blue Skies

Summary: As days turn into weeks, Adrian and Amy find themselves spending more time with one another. As the sun sets on another day, the pair find solace in Adrian’s penthouse, watching the sunset from afar. However, it isn’t long before Adrian finds himself thinking about his feelings for his assistant.

Snowflake

Summary: After a long chilly evening at Raines Corp, Adrian and Amy decide to take a late night stroll through Central Park.

Underneath the Mistletoe

Summary: Adrian has never been one for excessive partying - especially at Christmas. However, during the office Christmas party, Adrian and Amy return to his penthouse, where a small surprise lies in store.

Somewhere in the Crowd there’s You

Summary: After an evening at the Office, Adrian and Amy accompany Lily on a night out, though it soon becomes apparent that Adrian is in for more than he thought.

Little Red Bow

Summary: Adrian and Amy celebrate their first Christmas together as a couple, and Amy receives a present that changes her life.

A Cuddle in a Cup

Summary: After a long evening at the office, Adrian and Amy spend their morning in the sanctuary of her apartment.

Eternity doesn’t always mean forever

I don’t really have any words to describe this piece, other than the fact that it’s super duper sad and angsty (Warning: Character Death)

Distraction

I am currently struggling to locate this one, so I’d be very grateful if someone would let me know if they come across it.

Goodbye, My Friend

Summary: After the final battle with Rheya, the group try to come to terms with the loss of a good friend.

It’s Not his Fault

Summary: After a training session in the Shadow Den, Amy gets hurt... and Adrian isn’t happy.

I Think I’m in Trouble

Summary: During a meeting with his campaign team, Adrian gets a phone call from Amy; she thinks that she is being followed. Can he get there in time?

The Best Thing I Never Planned

Summary: After a busy night at the office, Amy returns to her apartment, only to be greeted by Lily, who believes that Amy’s hard work isn’t being appreciated.

The One Date you should Never Forget

Summary: It’s Amy’s Birthday... but has everyone remembered?

You’re all I’ve ever wanted (part I) (part II)

Summary: Christmas arrives in New York, and Adrian and Amy decide to spend their first official Christmas as a couple in the sanctuary of the penthouse.

The Next Chapter (Adrian x MC)

You are my Home (part I)

Summary: Adrian and Amy spend a couple of days in the sanctuary of Adrian’s penthouse. However, when Adrian realises that Amy is sick, he decides to call someone for help. But it isn’t long before their presence leads to a rather startling revelation.

You are my Home (part II)

Summary: Adrian finds it difficult to process the revelation and believes that Amy is not being entirely honest with him. Can Amy and Kamilah convince him that Amy is telling the truth?

Guilt isn’t always a rational thing (part I)

Summary: A couple of months after the reveal, Adrian has a terrible nightmare. He has had many nightmares before; most associated with his past. Soon enough, Adrian is forced to face his worst fears… and his deepest regret.

Guilt isn’t always a rational thing (part II)

Summary: Ever since Amy announced her pregnancy, Adrian has been plagued with nightmares.One night, Adrian has a bad dream; when he is reluctant to talk about his experience, Amy decides to take matters into her own hands.

Truth doesn’t always set you free

Summary: The group head downtown to celebrate Independence Day by watching the fireworks, but when the group are ambushed and Amy is hurt by one of Gaius’ lackeys, Adrian soon takes matters into his own hands - quite literally!

Some things are best kept Secret

Summary: When Adrian hears Amy talking in her sleep, he makes it his mission to try and convince her to tell him what is troubling her. However, after asking her how she knew about ‘The Butcher of Antietam’, Amy soon changes the topic of the conversation, forcing Adrian to admit the severity of his actions.

I’m Sorry that I hurt you (part I) (part II)

Summary: A couple of days after the argument that caused Amy to leave, Adrian heads over to her old apartment with the hope that he is able to reconcile with her. After Lily gives in and allows him to enter, Adrian and Amy decide that, if they are to work out their differences, than they need to be honest with one another.

Everything Comes at a Price (Adrian x MC)

Everything comes at a price

Summary: The mysterious collector has agreed to a deal; the amulet is theirs, so long as Amy grants him with the vision that he desires. Though initially reluctant, Adrian agrees, but it isn’t long before he tries to stop it.

The Awakening Series (Adrian x MC)

The Awakening

Summary: As the city descends into turmoil and hysteria, the Council reconnect to address the mysterious circumstances that surround them. As the tension between Adrian and the Baron mounts, the truth about the Feral attacks is revealed.

The Awakening part 2

Summary: The decision was unanimous. To stop Gaius and his schemes, the council needed to channel a power that could rival Gaius’. The only way this was possible was to uncover the truth surrounding the First Vampire and answer the question that plagued everyone’s mind - could she really still be out there?

The Awakening part 3

Summary continues on from part 2 of ‘The Awakening Series’...

The Awakening part 4

Summary: After the conversation in his office took a personal turn, Adrian and Amy take their time to reflect on the events of the past.

Kamilah x MC (Amy)

Spellbound and Spellbound part II

Summary: After a long day at the office, Kamilah heads over to Amy’s apartment with the intention of treating her to an evening of classical jazz and exotic cuisines. But when she arrives, it soon becomes clear that Amy has other ideas.

It’s not Christmas without Gingerbread

Summary: As the season of festive goodwill approaches and Amy prepares for her first Christmas away from her family, Kamilah tries her hardest to make her feel more at home with the idea of a New York Christmas - even if that meant having to take part in her traditions.

A Terrible Mistake (part I)

Summary: After an argument, Kamilah does something unforgivable, leaving Amy heartbroken.

The Secret Ingredient (part I)

Summary: Amy shows Kamilah just how much she loves baking - this one is literally full of fluffiness!

Desire and Decorum

I wasn’t there for you

Summary: After a long day at the estate, Lady Amelia shows Briar the importance of sentimentality in a person’s life, and how our experiences often shape us into the people that we are. However, during a conversation with her father, she soon realises that, although our pasts are meant to be cherished, we must also learn from them.

Ernest x MC (Amelia)

Until the Very End

Summary: Christmas Eve has arrived at the Edgewater Estate, and the house is preparing to celebrate the festivities. It has been a few months since the wedding of Lady Amelia and Mr Sinclaire and, with a baby on the way, Ernest is trying to do everything in his power to make his wife happy. However, though it is their first Christmas as Husband and Wife, it is also Amelia’s first Christmas without her family.

How shall I bear so much Happiness

Summary: After the birth of their first child, Ernest begins to worry about Amelia’s health and the future of their family.

How do I go on without You

Summary: A few days after the birth of their daughter, Ernest’s worst fears come to pass.

Distant Shores (Edward x F!MC) - Clara

So He’s the Captain?

Summary: Oliver has just revealed who he really is... and now the Navy know that they’re there (a re-write of their escape in Chapter 7).

Perfect Match (Damien x F!MC) - Kai

Just Say Yes

Summary: Damien and Kai have been dating for over a year and, after he is quizzed by Nadia on the topic of his future with her cousin, Damien makes a decision that would change the course of their relationship forever.

Veil of Secrets (Generic)

So...Will you?

Summary: It’s been a couple of months since the birth of Rachel O’Malley and, as the anniversary of Tanner’s death looms over the town, Flynn and Jesse decide to check in on Kate and her baby. After a brief conversation, Kate asks Jesse a very important question.

#choices: stories you play #playchoices #choices masterlist #bloodbound #adrian raines #kamilah sayeed #desire and decorum #ernest sinclaire #distant shores #edward mortemer #perfect match #damien nazario #veil of secrets #updated

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