#that said again i dont think it's BAD that people do these things
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The Miscellaneous questions for River and his man/child, i mean husband.
i actually loled haha!! thank you for asking, love.
MISCELLANEOUS:
Is money a problem?
River: its not. i think we're lucky that blake got drafted and makes a good amount of money playing football. we literally got married while we were still in high school and a good majority of kids that do that are NOT in the same position we're in right now.
How many cars do they own?
Blake: we own two. one for riv to take the kids around when im not home and one for me to take to practice/games all that stuff.
Do they own their home or do they rent?
Blake: DUDEEEE if my apartment couldve magically grown with every kid we had ..then i would still be renting. good memories in that place
River: better memories in a place where we actually have room for kids..and me.
Do they live near the coast or deep in the countryside?
Blake: we're balls deep in suburbia right now. his parents live out in the country and FUCK I WANT IT SO BAD.
Do they live in the city or in the country?
River: suburbs ..for now.
Do they enjoy their surroundings?
River: i was fucking DYING in that apartment. i think having the house kinda gives me space so i dont really necessarily feel like im suffocating.
Blake: you feel like your suffocating?
River: in your man cave apartment i did yeah.
What’s their song?
Blake: i gotta do it' so high school'-taylor swift
What do they do when they’re away from each other?
River: we dont constantly text eachother but little pics through the day i think. gives us time to be you know separate people and lets us enjoy whatever we're doing at the moment without being glued to our phone all the time.
Blake: i demand sexy riv pics every night im away [smirks]
River: demands a strong word.
Blake: you know what i mean. i APPRECIATE sexy riv pics every night.
River: dude. looking like a douchebag.
Where did they first meet?
Blake: we went to school together [smirks] friends first.
How did they first meet?
Blake: we were in the same gym class and he fucking PELTED me with a dodgeball man. love at first sight. for me.
Who spends the most money when out shopping?
Blake : *points to riv*
River: treats.
Who’s more likely to flash their assets?
River: oh my god blake. he does it during games. FINED ALL OF THE TIME.
Blake: worth it [smirks]
Who finds it amusing when the other trips over?
River: me. hes not coordinated at all. youd think he would be but....
Any mental issues?
Blake: oh god yeah. i mean...
River: i have depression. the past years been kinda.. i dont know. but i am doing better. im getting better
Blake: my boy.
Who’s terrified of bugs?
River: i think both of us? fuck that shit.
Who kills the spiders around the house?
Blake: Nellie
River: definitely Nellie.
Their favourite place?
Blake: [smirks] theres this little ranch up in chestnut ridge. i love taking him there. just me him. no kids.
River:thats a good place [smirks]
Who pays the bills?
Blake [raises hand] and proud of that shit
Do they have any fears for their future?
River: i think that...we went through a lot of rough stuff in our separation and i just..do not want to go through that again. i think we're on a good path right now and i want to stay on that path
Blake: i think what riv said yeah. the last thing we both wanted when we were having problems was a divorce. and its something i do not want. i guess thats my fear for my future. i just wanna be good for him. i know i wasnt in the past.im trying to be now.
Who’s more likely to surprise the other with a fancy dinner?
Blake: me for SURE.
Who uses up all of the hot water?
Blake: again me for SURE. but he can crash the shower whenever
River: me time,babe.
Who’s the tallest?
Blake: me. rivers a short shit.
Who’s more likely to just randomly hop into the shower with the other?
River:thats definitely blake. i LOVE showering alone but hey.
Blake: wont turn down that DICK.
River: gross.
Who wanders around in their underwear?
River: [points to blake] he hasnt learned.
Who sings the loudest when singing along to the radio?
Blake: River for sure.he has a pretty voice though. love to hear that shit.
What do they tease each other about?
River: i like to tease him over how much of a pussy he was for me back in our first starting dating days
Blake: i cried after we fucked for the first time. for real. and id do it again.
Who is more likely to cringe at the other’s fashion sense at times?
River: me. blakes taste is .....
Do they have mutual friends?
River: not anymore.
Who crushed first?
Blake: oh me for sure. unless riv is about to say something i didnt know
River: i never really considered that AT ALL until you kissed me that one day. you werent on my radar at all i was so into my girlfriend at the time
Blake:until ....
Any alcohol or substance related problems?
River: no we both quit that stuff when teddie came along.
Who is more likely to stumble home, drunk, at 3am?
Blake: we are good boys [smirks]
Who swears the most?
River: i think me and its purely because of my dads influence i swear to god.
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The type of Christian who asks atheists how they don't like, murder people on the reg are so funny to me because they seem to think their religion makes them the Peak of Morality when statements like "if you don't believe in God how comes you don't do X thing" all but outright state they have no idea why shit like murder and rape is bad except that God doesn't like it lmao. Like way to admit you have no intrinsic sense of morality and need to be afraid of a higher power to be a decent person, but I promise if you're not a piece of shit it's actually very natural not to want to do heinous evil shit all the time potential punishment from a higher power or not 🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️
#winters ramblings#seriously its SO funny when that happens because every time its like ??? the FUCK kind of thoughts do you have#to ask HOW i resist doing evil shit all the time because i dont fear god because i dont believe in God??#what kind of fucked up person do you haveto be to only resist killing people because of fear of a higher power??#these are people to avoid because typically they also come with the issue of using their religion to make any action they want#perfectly Good and Moral because GOD said it its in the BIBLE whether thats true or not and like bible or no#if you have no intrinsic sense of morality i dont want to hear about atheist morality from you lmao#not that athiests lack issues i swear to god white dudes who evangelize atheism like its their new religion#have WILDLY missed the point and often suffer the same problem as the aforementioned Christians#wherein the onky thing thats ever given them any kind of pushback is the church so they decide RELIGION is horrible and bad as a whole#which isnt true religion can be a perfectly lovely amazing thing for people but that brand of atheist#doesnt seem to understand that people turned away from the church because of wide spread abuse and discrimination not because#believing in god makes you literally mentally ill like some of these fuckos act like. abelist AND shite to religious folks in one fowl swoop#so you know atheists have problems too but like they arent making laws in their beliefs images across the world so you know#temper the criticism with how influential the group actually is although richard dawkins types DID get a lot of space to spew their idiocy#like dawkims if you think youre SOOOO much smarter than christians how come you have ALL the same misogyny problems??#youre not that smart and logical if youve decided a whole kind of person is inherently less than you buddy. in fact thats very Christian#of him actually. funny when that happens but again if you dont actually know WHY something is a problem#its very easy to say Thats Bad and then literally do the exact same thing you just condemned because when YOU do it its no longer bad#because its got YOUR flavor of fucked up morality on it now instead of being like hmm maybe Christianity isnt a problem#because it EXISTS but because a lot of people use their religion as a pointed barb to discriminate against huge swaths of people#and often the intolerance becomes a legal issue when Christians and other religious majorities shove through laws based on EXCLUSIVELY their#religions and opinions and that doesnt mean religion should be dismantled it means we ahould tell religious folk who would know what#morality was if it fucked them up the ass to shut up and figure out what morality is outside of rekigion before they start legislating about#it and whatnot. also i wish extreme opinions werent ALL the news focused on exclusively on the political right#can we platform some NORMAL well adjusted christians who are god loving AND not a bunch of wingnuts#who are two steps away from arguing thou shall not kill only applies to people they LIKE because they dont seem to understand#maybe murder is bad when EVERYONE does it not just The Bad People??!?!
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loving both ctubbo and cwilbur is so hard. where are the rest of the tubblings that appreciate the sentiment cwilbur gave . like i get being anxious over the sorrys and yes sirs and how wilbur was the one to choose what they did but like come on. how was ctechnos apology better than this for yall come on 😭😭😭😭
#IM SORRY THIS IS LIKE. PURE SALTPOST but im soooo tired of people still making cwilbur out to be like.#malicious?? towards ctubbo??#like. tubbo has been Wanting things to be how they were in the past yknow#like hes been wishing to have experiences like the early lmanburg experience#wilburs gesture wasnt about like. saddling him with responsibility Again or pulling him along on a conquest tubbo didnt want to go on#and yes tubbo had his hesitations but jesus christ i wont lie i think this was like. something that shows cwilburs mentol illness more?#the stream was abt ctubbo but it was Also about cwilbur. he like. literally has the vibes of someone whose going to try to die again#yes theres room for cwilbur to have improved here but.#i dont think characterizing this as a negative experience for ctubbo is accurate either?#ctubbo enjoyed himself he was having Fun yes he said yes sir and said sorry a lot but like. thats how ctubbo.. is sometimes?#i think cctubbo has been characterizing ctubbo as like this cruel unfeeling character for long enough that its been forgotten-#-that at his core hes like. a polite kid who finds fun in fucking with things and likes playfighting without serious consequences#and wilbur was like.. giving him something without serious consequences. and yes there were flaws in the apology#and situation overall#but.. just. jhfjenkd i dontt knowwww so many tubblings continue to read cwilbur in such bad faith#like come on. he cares about ctubbo hes trying to make up for it and ctubbo genuinely appreciated it this time he Had Fun#cwilbur was doing this as a gesture to show hes truly trying to see ctubbo as an equal now yknow?#the symbolism with the blocks and all#mask mews#dsmp#wilbur#tubbo#dsmp spoilers
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Genuine thought as a fellow trans dude, I’ve seen a lot of (obviously non-serious) questions on other blogs about characters’ genitals such as “how does it look like?” and similar, and I think we all know & understand that such questions are extremely inappropriate to ask and (I hope) no one would actually go around asking these questions irl. Idk, I think we should treat trans characters just like cis ones, without any special “precautions”, so to normalise them and not make cis people treat them like fragile boxes, a thing which happens to a lot of us irl. Hope this doesn’t come off as an attack or anything lol.
no worries, i didn't take this as an attack at all. i actually agree with you, that's why i mentioned feeling conflicted about it and also mentioned that i've changed my stance on how i felt about handling Noel and Clementine in game and in explicit intimate scenes.
however, for me the problem comes from the fact that people... don't ask these kinds of questions about cis characters? i suppose people do get cheeky "who is the biggest 🤪" asks but i would hardly compare the two. to be a bit crude, no one is going to be asking if a cis character has a dick or not, or "what does it look like". of course it's natural for people to be curious, and i honestly encourage the open discussion and am happy to see trans bodies being talked about more in a positive way, but not everyone is going to be comfortable with it due to the inescapable transphobia online and in the community. sending me that kind of ask is like sending out an invitation for a debate or a discussion that i don't necessarily want to have. i also just don't think people should default to asking a random IF author on tumblr dot com to describe what bottom growth looks like.
and with most of these asks typically coming from someone who is anonymous, i have no way of truly knowing what the tone is, what their intentions are or why this is being asked - is it another trans person? or maybe someone who is just genuinely curious? or, more likely in my experience, is it someone who is going to immediately follow up this message with something transphobic after i answer? do i want to roll the dice and find out?
so while i agree with what you're saying, it's important to consider the context and the reality we live in. the IF community is not kind to trans people or trans characters. and as a trans person, my first priority is protecting myself and my mental health. so what i mean when i say "precautions," is that those precautions are for me, because i've had to deal with transphobic harassment here for years now, and i try to mitigate it as much as i can. it's also for my personal comfort - again, to be blunt, i'm simply just not comfortable discussing a trans character's genitals with anonymous strangers on the internet. it makes me feel vulnerable.
also i do want to say i didn't mean for any of that to come across as a dig at other authors - if you're comfortable answering those kinds of questions, that's really only something you can decide for yourself. like i said, this is just coming from my own experiences in IF and for my own personal comfort - i have previously talked a lot about trans stuff and gender and sexuality here, when i'm feeling up to it, but it is something that is very draining for me and can also be very upsetting.
basically: i do agree that it's important not to other trans characters or treat them any differently than cis characters, but i also think there are ways to do it that don't require me answering invasive questions or questions that i don't feel comfortable with as a real life trans person, you know what i mean?
#hopefully this better explains what i was trying to say#again no worries anon i've had this exact conversation before with other trans people#and it's something that i don't think has a perfect solution esp with the current... climate#and especially online with the anonymity it makes these topics really touchy. you don't know who is reading this or who is interacting#if it's sincere or in bad faith#things have changed a lot in the IF community for the better but it's still not safe and i always advocate for an author to protect#themself first#back when i started tnp it was not at all common for ppl to list characters as cis#really it was only nb or trans characters that got listed in that way#and it's why i chose not to do that and why i wanted the player to find out lea and merry was trans at the same time as the hunter#same with noel and clem and their privacy#giving them that agency was important to me#and it's still important to me now#but i got a lot of harassment because of that. the lea reveal didnt even end up in game it was on the blog and it was weeks of harassment#afterwards that still makes me anxious to this day whenever i talk about lea's transness#so basically like. it comes down to what someone is comfortable with and what they're mentally able to handle#edit: thinkin abt it more &im going to be honest if someone sent me an ask that said ‘what does it look like’ i would be very Not Happy#like cis people & cis characters do Not get treated that way so why would i allow it for my trans characters#so i stand by saying that these asks are inappropriate like. i obviously dont know the context of what ur referencing#but that’s a hard no from me personally either way#to me as a trans person that question in itself is othering and objectifying#ask#anonymous
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before i go to bed, here’s a couple of colorings C submitted in the past few days!
#the bg for the baby twins one is very simple but i like it :)#devil may cry#dante(dmc)#vergil(dmc)#fan's colorings#from now on its ramblings for C again so you guys can stop reading <3#hey C!! please dont feel like youre bothering me with your submissions; youre not at all!#i would keep posting your stuff individually but i just think it'll be a little better to post them in batches thats all#i dont want you to feel pressured into doing more but i dont want you to feel bad for doing too much either#i just want you to have fun doing it; submit it whenever you feel like it; and i'll post them eventually i promise#im really sorry if what i said last time made you feel like i was annoyed with you; i swear i wasnt!#i genuinely do enjoy looking at what you do it's always fun to see what kinda things people can do when inspired by stuff ive made#if you wanna take a break thats totally fine! i'll be here to post your submissions whenever youre ready again#also; your dad's words are very kind!! please thank him for me!!!#i'll be off to bed now; please take care :)#allyart
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i love u aira tumblr i love u aira tumblr i love u so much aira tumblr
#ramblings#24 qrts on a poorly worded tweet in support of aira but still#literally hate him all u want but ur logic is flawed 😭👎 just know that#enstwt grow up challenge miserably failed#ALSO#SOMETHING RLY FUNNY but tragic is like#one of my oomfies is still getting canceled over their take in support of airaPs#AND MY ACC IS LITERALLY IN YHE SS FHAKDHAJDJJSDJJSHD#U CANT SEE MY USERNAME BUT ITS DEFINITELY ME#and good! i was right when i said i ignore enstars writing like my full time job#THEYRE FICTIONAL CHARACTERS RAGHHHHHH#can people. think a little more critically can people PLEASE start doing that#like if u get to be uncomfy and i DONT feel the same way i literally think thats okay#i consume my content critically! i know what im doing#we can coexist and do our own things on the internet instead of viewing this in such a black and white kinda way !#this is literally so fucking stupid i cant breathe#im just gonna mind my business fr i hate my twt fyp SO MUCHDHDH I HATE THESE STUPID ASS 14 YEAR OKDS SO BAD#ok sorry#normal again bye
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OHHHHH MY GOD COMING OFF ANON BECAUSE !??!?!? SCPSL MENTIOn!!?!??!? you are the ONLY person i've EVER seen that mentioned that game in being similar to lethal company ohhhh my god oh my god i used to be so crazy autism over that game Okay. okay. oh my godddd I LOVE(D) SCPSL SO MUCH and it makes me so so so happy to see a game like it get so popular!!! i love lethal company!!! and i love the creatures and the randomly generated facilities and the PROXIMITY chat and the lore (sigurd adn desmond<3) and i love that ALL MY FRIENDS CAN AND DO PLAY ITTT ^__^ its like 14 year old me got blessed by the autism fairy joy and beauty to the world
i don’t know how to say this in a way that wont make me sound like i shouldnt be allowed in public spaces so i’ll just go ahead and say it. I have 200 hours in scpsl
#i havent played it in like 2 or 3 years because one day#it just stopped working on win7. But i got win10 now so theoretically i could play it again. but do i want to#it’s not that it’s a bad game! like i said i’ve had a lot of fun with it. just like lethal company it has some truly#hilarious and truly scary moments#however i can remember a few times where it was just not fun ….. maybe it was the players or the unfair balance or wjatever. But well#i did love it. i love scp and getting to play an scp game for free was life changing to me. IT WAS SO FUN!!#AND I HAD THE MOST BLISSFUL GAMING EXPERIENCE BECAUSE I HAD A BUG WITH MY GAME WHERE I COULDNT HEAR ANYONE AND NO ONE COULD HEAR ME#Probably pissed off my teammates numerous times but well . At least got to exclusively vc with my friends on discord#i think the thing with lethal company (and by extension amogus which is also smth i associate lc with) is that you can play it exclusively#with your buddies. you dont have to join some random ass lobby with random ass people just because the game needs 20 players. U can just#have actual fun. because yes proxy vc is a fun feature for a game but i am seriously grateful that scpsl was bugged for me#i’ve played a lot of ‘shooter’ games (or just games similar to genre) and like Sure im used to people being jerks in game chat or something#but there’s a difference between game chat and straigjt up vc ….. so yeah. i know that it’s barely scpsl’s fault but i just felt like sayin#all that. Blinks#where am i . what am i talking about#sorry for the weird not quite rant about scpsl BUT YES i do think lethal company is quite similar to it. And like if that game was fun again#not to mention the creatures!!! like. coilhead? 173 but well it’s a common trope. eyeless dog? literally 939. A MASK THAT POSSESSES YOU?#DUDE . THIS IS 035 . BRACKEN? okay that’s like 096 but a little to the left#all they need to do now is add a 049 adjacent creature Or perhaps an evil ai computer that locks you in the building or makes landmines#explode on their own. i dont even know. zeekeers hire me#and yeah i love the rng of it all because it makes for a uniquely hilarious/terrifying experience each time. Something it sucks so bad and#you get a facility with like 1 door which is locked. but that too is funny. to me lc isnt about winning it’s about dying in the funniest way#sigmund and desmond lore is also rly good <3 i hope it gets expanded upon. Would love to see some more worldbuilding stuff like WHATHAPPENED#cramswering#anyway. it has been years since i played scpsl and i know tjat they did a bunch of updates and added a bunch of scps . So i dont know if the#game is better or worse now. and i dont know if i want to find out…. what if my game becomes unbugged and i hear people#now THAT’S real horror game material if you ask me
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Me, in a conversation: What's going on in Gaza is genocide and objectively abhorrent.
Them: Well, ya know the Palestinians *random bullshit justifications for the slaughter of thousands of innocent people*
Me:
#the cons of living in the bible belt#like i already think of every organized religion as a cult#thats so 'sanctity of life' of you#good to know youre cool with mass murder so long as its the enemies of your big guy in the sky#like idk how to tell you this but people tend to just be people#and jesus was brown but i guess you probably dont wanna think about that#its an entire can of worms that i dont have the mental power to sift through#i dont understand how some of the people over here can be so hoity toity on their high horses about their faith and race#then go on to hold such loyalty to a country that gives no shits about them#if theres a higher power i think it would be displeased#if i was the higher power id be pissed to have people killing other people in my name#in my eyes they constantly do their god a disservice#gaza#palestine#free gaza#im not saying that what ive got is even a good take#i admit im not the most well informed on most situations regarding this whole thing#BUT i think human life is important and special in of itself and that its wrong to take that life in most cases#after the Holocaust we said never again yet here we are doing it for the thousandth time#history does always repeat itself#this also isnt to say that youre a bad person if youre practicing some religion#you do you#religion and spirituality are separate for me and religion isn't really my cup of tea any more
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Girl like. The reason he said "this is how it should be" and faced death with a smile....is cuz he wanted to die. For 2 years he sat there thinking he was worthless and deserved to die. If he hadn’t be shot, his death would’ve been suicide, he was fully planning to die in a gutter somewhere undetected. When saying "this is how it should be" hes literally saying "don’t cry because I’m dying, my death is a good thing actually because I fucking suck and you are better off without me". I don’t think that’s badass even slightly, it’s actually really sad and really shitty. Shinjiro is so convinced that he deserves to die and hates the idea of anyone giving a shit about him because he literally can’t wrap his mind around the idea that he will be missed when he’s gone, that his death is a bad thing actually. And his last words were meant to be comforting because he fully did not intend for anyone to be there when he died, he intended to die alone, so he says them as a reminder that he’s not worth crying over
Personally, if it were me, if I was holding my dying best friend in my arms who was deeply depressed and suicidal and he said "this is how it should be" uh. I wouldn’t admire him for it??? Like am I losing my mind when I say the way this game handles Shinji is bad or is anyone else seeing this too 😰
#its like okay listen i understand the basic math of any persona game they say things and everything they say is actually#very bad when you think about it for more than 3 seconds#like what theyre intending to do with the death of this character is be like oh no your sad friend dies tragically thats so saddddd#but that doesnt mean you cant live a wonderful life full of meaning you cant let grief consume you life is beautiful awagga#and i guess shinji is a specific character whos used cuz i guess its more tragic that he never realized he was worthy of life and shit#and i guess its also like ‘dont be like this guy who let grief consume him and then died you gotta Be Different’#which i dont. love. that last part cuz if you think about shinji and what led him down this road#its like. of course hes depressed! he accidentally killed a woman with a child when he was 16!#he himself is an orphan and he just made some other kid an orphan as well and it happened cuz his persona went out of control#which very much can translate to ‘this must mean im dangerous and can hurt everyone if im not kept under control’#so of course he isolated himself and believed he was evil and became suicidal like who wouldnt feel that way#like am i supposed to be mad he left sees and took drugs cuz uh while i dont think isolation or Evil Drug is good for his mental health#i dont think him continuing to fight in sees is something he can just easily do again given how he killed someone like he shouldnt have to#be a part of this thing anymore like how would he even safely get castor to not do that??? he cant kill more people on accident!#so yeah like using shinji as an example of bad coping mechanisms is already just. a big fucking oof to me like it just feels like the game#is saying he shouldve gotten over it and simply not be suicidal and stayed on the team. idk if thats the intent but uh it wouldnt faze me#cuz persona games are notoriously awful at writing characters who are traumatized and abused#but what makes everything even worse is how the game kinda like. acts like shinjis death is a stepping stone#like we’re supposed to use it as a wake up call and understand the stakes but keep going on anyways#and akihiko and Ken get. ‘great character development’ according to the game telling you they have now developed#but damn all akihiko is is just repressed he cries for 3 seconds and then is like I SHOULD MAN UP and then neglects a depressed child#shinjis dying words are words to live by now even though they piss me the fuck off like girl am i crazy HES FUCKING#HES TELLING ME NOT TO CRY OVER HIM BECAUSE HE SHOULD BE DEAD ACTUALLY AND THIS IS A GOOD THING ACTUALLY#like if the game wants us to still find meaning in life despite losing someone it just really hurts that shinji has to die for that to work#apparently. cuz the character i see myself in is shinji. not some perfect prettyboy who does everything perfectly and has 4 gfs#his death seems like a punishment for bad behavior. the bad behavior being of course depression and drug use. and im simply supposed to be#better than that if i want to live. and we dont get to form a connection with him cuz thats gayyyyy#and his death is like a NOBLE HEROIC SACRIFICE idk its just such bullshit to me i hate it so bad#how is killing a suicidal guy and then treating it as admirable that he said ‘this is how it should be’ supposed to make me feel#makes me feel sick personally and it ruins the entire game’s theme to me because its fucking shallow and the story is bad and im tired
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gotta get off the internet and only interact irl with people who were 30 before they got their shit together i cant keep doing it like this
#like this being. feeling like i have no future and nobody likes me#‘youre only 19’ only goes so far when i dont know any other fail 19 year olds#im not gonna be a damn dentist for sure but like. and ive said this a thousand times. what am i gonna do. i cant live a worthless nothing#life where i work a shitty job i hate. i have to like something#i hate my art. i hate my lack of creativity. my art is so bland i just dont think its in me anymore#i finished. and i hate it#i have other hobbies. i like to cross stitch. i like to sew. i like to paint. i like to make dolls. do you see the common theme here#i have a few more than that i technically could do but i cant create anymore and it kills me. i want to. i constantly want to but i cant#it doesnt help that even if i havw ideas i dont even want to do them#i was gonna draw some characters from a game i played when i was little but i just#didnt want to. at no point did it not feel like a chore#ill try to go to new mediums! its fun to mess around and then itll feel boring again and going back doesnt feel any better#idk. googling it is useless. ive tried all the things. for years. ive been TRYING to draw consistently and like. doodles are fine theyre fu#but theyre not what i want to do i want to make something im proud of. i drew almost every single day for like 2 years#and its not burnout bc its been like. 2 more years! and ive barely wanted to at all!!!#i want to be creative and i also want people to recognize it. different complaint but it sucks so bad#i feel like nobody likes me. still. nobody cares about what i do. nobody would care if i stopped#like except me but i can only support myself so far!!!! im so tired of it!!!! someone PLEASE be here for me and just say ‘hey i love this#drawing :)’ like you have no idea what that would do for me#not always. but yknow especially if its been a while. if you like it. if you dont like it :( idk. you should tell me that too i guess#yknow so i can have some confirmation so i dont feel like im crazy. idk. dont actually id never go online again. i would probably. well.#i dont like to say the words#simons spouting#vent :(
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Gonna be a while before I think I'll be drawing much beyond some planned doodles I said I'd do to a couple close friends, but... I'm curious, what FNaF AU drawings types from me sound more interesting..?
A random poll yes, but I'm curious, and ngl, I think I'm approaching one of those not so great "Spells" where I'm losing confidence in the things I'm well, supposed to be doing for fun. ^^;
#insomniac hyena rambles#fnaf: a wound left bleeding au#I'm still gonna do my best to finish AWLB#just having some anxiety/depression type feels again#not feeling confident cuz my brain likes to say if I'm not making “professional level” content I'm doing bad#+ Lost like. near all ability to work on OC type things without anxiety semi recently. so sorta. having a lot of anxiety over Stardrop and-#another OC-type character I had planned for part 2#sorry for rambling in the tags. still writing part 2 when I have time/motivation#around 160ish pages in now. so that's pretty nice I think#chapters are a lot longer than early part 1 chapters so far too. kinda neat#to any creatives out there. i know easier said than done#but please. do what you can not to let the world rip your confidence in your work away from you#dont rewire your characters and stories just to please others#(I mean this within reason though. this is the internet so I feel the need to clarify. if your work is genuinely made to be offensive. then#yea. reconsider.)#but generally speaking! if your story wasn't meant to have x themes/characters/etc#or a character or thing wasn't meant to go x-way or do x-thing. and you don't want them to. don't cave just cuz someone else out there want#it to be that way. don't sell your own ideas and thoughts short just to be a people pleaser#it wears you down a lot eventually and saps confidence#Idk im ramblin. point is! Enjoy what you do. if it makes you happy. then hold onto it! Goodness knows everyone needs those bits of happines#Uhhh I think that's all my tired morning thoughts lol#oh ! this isn't me saying yall cant still yeet ideas or theories or such at me!#just that unless I really like the idea. and can fit it into what I've already planned#chances are. im gonna try real hard not to cave and add it just cuz i was asked to#trying. real hard to stop being an overly people pleasing person. its caused me more harm than good in life I think#I can be nice without destroying myself lol
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now i have not ever been in labor before but i genuinely think im experiencing pains at the same or very close level which is crazy
#mytxt#i mean like#i always see people w endo saying theyd rather go through childbirth again instead of the endo pains#but you don’t really. Think about it like that#like yeah sure anyone can say that but you dont really conceptualize it until you’re experiencing it#like almost every month i have to experience pains that ppl describe as worse than childbirth??? thats crazy#luckily i dont have it every month cause of birth control but its kind of starting to be every other month#its just wild to think about and also awful to experience#and i completely forgot that its a Progressive thing. it gradually gets worse#because scar tissue builds and stuff i didnt even think abt that#til a few weeks ago when i saw my doc and she said yeah this is age is usually when it worsens for awhile#which. Yeah the last like 3 or 4 times have been insanely bad#it also doesnt help that one of those times my iud had screwed me over and tore a little hole but#still#idk#im trying to override my pain but thinking about how medically interesting it is#bc thats what i do with everything else i just go well if i think about it from a medical standpoint its not that bad!#thats how i get through most of my doc appointments#and i think thats why a lot of doctors dont really believe or realize how drastic a lot of things can be#bc theyre thinking about it medically and not like its a real person#sorry for rambljng im having so many thoughts#tbd
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Just watched the first episode of Ron Kamonohashi’s Forbidden Deductions and it certainly was something. My guy has the Code Geass but exclusively for telling you to kill yourself, adjlfnbdafk-
#dee p thoughts#ron kamonohashi’s forbidden deductions#my feelings about it so far is inconclusive it certainly is interesting and wacky#my thing is that it may become very schticky but the deduction in the first episode was pretty unique at least in terms of Ive never seen a#crime use this environment before and it had an explanation Ive never seen before lol#I do think its laughable to tell the criminal that hes devalueing peoples lives as The Sole Reason for badness when. the victims have been#rich people. but the again they didnt get that deep and I dont they think wouldve considered they made the criminals motivations comically#villianous about money and not having guilt lol. very firmly establishing ''We're not going to talk about wealth inequality lol.'' but then#just kind of offputting to then have the guy saying that tell the man to kill himself so. like. I mean there can be a mentality/logic to#that but was just said we're not gonna get deep about that. and then the suibaiting thing is like an illness or something-#honestly this is something I should either drop or press on knowing its garbage we'll give it a few episodes to see what it does adlnfbladk
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okay the whimsy is over id like to lay face down in the dirt and mud for a while now. Not that i know how to properly communicate these things in a constructive way to other people
#Im just. so done tbh#Like nothing happened !!!#I dont mnow why i feel like this !!!#I am so mad bc i thought i was getting better and it WAS better for a while !!!!#But now its all bad again !!!#And all i wanna do is stop thinking sb it but i CANT !!#There’s no reason for me to feel these things#Like notbing traumatizing or terrible has ever happened to me#and i know its all just for attention#And kt makes me mad bc i feel like i dont even know myself anymore#And i shouldnt be pissed bc people said nice things about me !!!#But i feel like ive just tricked them !!!#Im just selfish and terrible !!!!!! And i cant seem to stop !!!#And i dont know why im posting this to tumblr of all places#Bc why in the hell am i making this public ???#But its whatever#be happy and whimsical forever or smth
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sorry for being a hater but some random sonic parody video on youtube could have the worst sonic character impressions known to man and the comments would still be full of people saying "wow you sound EXACTLY like them you deserve to be hired by sega someday". my god
#that or its not exactly Terrible but its a generic voice that sounds vaguely similar but still doesnt exactly fit#and is far from a perfect recreation of any of the official voices#and again people will go Omg you sound exactly like them i cant tell the difference between you and the real one!! girl#also im not saying that if your impressions dont sound exactly like one of the official voices then theyre shit#or that having a not perfect sonic character voice is a crime against humanity#i like a lot of the newer voices in the movies and sonic prime that dont sound exactly like past ones#so i would be a hypocrite if i said that if your shadow doesnt sound exactly like david humphrey himself then its bad#im just tired of people seeing annoying youtubers making unfunny ass videos with ok at best voices for the characters#that you can immediately tell arent the real thing and saying stuff like ''wow you sound exactly like them'' ''sega should hire you'' etc#like no this random youtube guy does Not sound exactly like shadow the hedgehog?? they only sound vaguely similar at best???#(< wasnt trying to single out any specific person btw was just naming a random character i see people do this with often)#maybe the people who say stuff like this on videos like that arent actually sonic fans and dont know what the characters sound like#because i cant think of any other explanation for this stuff
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I do feel some type of way when I see people go through my old sona art cause i dont know if im that lynx woman anymore man, I'm in a transition state cause bad shit happened while I was that lynx. Old life's gone now and they might be too, but there's this rabbit that I hope you'll enjoy someday
#nicky rambles#yeah uh sorry bout that but big surprise i kinda mighta lied about this rabbit form being for fun#this might be permanent#someone hurt me so bad i had to go to the phych ward and the lynx sona has literally so much memories with said person#i activity dont know if i can touch they again without feeling pain#so many design and story elements had their thumbs up of support or helpful tweaks and you you want me to just keep using her???#nah bro.#some people could do it. dont think i can. throw the whole thing out n start with a new thing you never say#anyways! i think i like they them pronouns more thats a wacky little thing to put at the end of this rant right-
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