#that should help but i’m still going to lose sleep worrying if everyone is angry at me for something i cannot place <3

[the-casbah-way]

is everyone mad at me or am i just anxious because i’m stressed. we will never know because i refuse to be that shitebag that’s like “are you mad at me 🥺” every two seconds

[mirisss]

Chapter 10

Stray Kids OT8 x hybrid! afab! reader

Warnings: Crying, mentions of some members acting violent (in response to (Y/n)’s past), mentions of scars, some anxiety, eating/food, sleep problems, I think that’s it, let me know if I’ve missed anything. 

Wordcount ≈ 2.2k

Hey everyone! I hope you enjoy this chapter! I can’t believe I’ve been working on this series for two years, it’s crazy, I didn’t think it would take this long but I am so happy to see so many people enjoying my story. I just want to say thank you for all the support, but don’t worry, this is not the end of the story, we still have a long way to go! 

Please reblog! 

Taglist: @ayoo-bangtan, @lose-lose07, @kingcarrot-thecarrotking, @starjane312, @reighlee-greaves, @hi-39024, @queenmea604, @septicrebel, @justayoungandwisefangirl, @imasimplol, @k-p0p-4ever, @detectivedoodle, @hehe-24-hehe, @jinnie-ret, @0325tiny, @borahae-reads, @shycreationdreamland, @kiaralynn3838, @blondechannie, @theydy-madamonsieur, @boi-bi-ahaha, @riri321, @3rachasninja, @kkamismom12, Let me know if you want to be added to the taglist!

Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5, Chapter 6, Chapter 7, Chapter 8, Chapter 9, Chapter 11,

(Y/n) closed her eyes, fully trusting Jeongin, just as she would with any of the eight boys she now called her home. Jeonging couldn’t help but smile as he too closed his eyes. 

(Y/n)’s POV

I closed my eyes and leaned in, I wasn’t too sure what to do, but that didn’t matter. I knew I wanted this and I felt safe. Soon I felt Jeongin’s soft lips, gently press against mine. An electric feeling spread through my body. It washed away any anxiety that I felt, leaving me with only curiosity and love. Jeongin gently ran a hand through my hair as he put just a little more pressure into the kiss, I tried responding by leaning my head a little to the side, something I had seen in a movie. I felt Jeongin smiling into the kiss, it made me relax even more. His scent was intense yet calming, so much contact with his warm skin, the feeling of his hand gently running through my hair, soothing me. I never wanted this moment to end. All too soon, he broke the kiss by leaning back. A bright smile and sparkling eyes greeted my gaze as I opened my eyes. 

“Wow, your lips are so soft,” He whispered, but I heard him loud as day. “It was nice,” I whispered back. He kissed me on my forehead before he stood up, giving me a hand to help me stand as well. “You should get in the water before it gets cold, I’ll head out to the others, and we’ll see each other soon again, okay?” “Yeah, that sounds okay,” “Just call for me or anyone if you need us,” “Thank you,” Jeongin left me alone as I undressed and got into the warm water. The bath salt scent was strong, it felt like being embraced by the ocean and a summer breeze. I relaxed in the water, breathing calmly as I felt better after sharing some of my past with Hyunjin. I knew he was telling the others about what I told him, it weirdly felt nice to know that I didn’t have to share it on my own, telling it once was hard enough. 

Third Person POV

Once Jeongin came back to the living room, Hyunjin began telling him, Minho, and Felix about (Y/n)’s past, or the part she had shared with him. Felix began crying at the thought of the sweet bunny being put through such trauma. Minho felt angry, he wanted to find the people who hurt (Y/n) and make sure they couldn’t do it again, once he calmed down a little, he felt almost a little happy, happy that he found her and took her home. Here she would be able to live happily, in a home filled with love. With their family. Jeongin understood why (Y/n) had asked him to stay, not wanting to be alone, he wanted to run back to the bathroom and hold her, telling her she would never be alone again. 

“We’re going to have to tell the others too, do you think you’re up for it, Jinnie?” Minho asked, concerned that it would be too much for the younger. “I think I can do it as long as I’m not alone,” “We’ll be here with you, someone will have to hold back Chan-hyung and Binnie, they’re going to go berserk when they find out,” Minho said, half-joking as an attempt to make Felix laugh instead of cry, though he knew that it was true. Bang Chan and Changbin would not take this well, if Minho thought he felt angry it wasn’t anything compared to those two. 

“Hey, you okay, Lixie?” Hyunjin asked as he moved closer to the crying boy. “Yeah, I just hate thinking of our sweet bunny being in so much pain and being alone. I hate feeling lonely, it’s the worst feeling,” “She’s not alone anymore, she has us. You have us, we have each other. We have all felt lonely but we’re together now so we don’t have to be alone anymore,” Jeongin said, it resembled his talk with (Y/n). Stray Kids was quite a fitting name, all of them having been astray, lonely, and isolated, but now they have one another and together they chase away the hurt and pain of their past. In each other they found a family, they found love, and most of all, they found a home. 

(Y/n) emerged from the bathroom a little while later, Felix and Hyunjin were gaming, Minho was in the kitchen preparing some food, and Jeongin sat on the couch, scrolling through instagram. “Hey,” the hybrid said lowly, Jeongin looked up with a smile. “Hey, feel better now?” “A little, the bath salt was nice,” “What do you want to do now?” “I think I’ll go help Minho out, and get a snack,” Jeongin just smiled and gave her a thumbs up. His eyes scrunched together, making him look so cute, and (Y/n) couldn’t help but smile too. (Y/n) walked over to the kitchen, hearing Minho curse lowly just before she walked in. Finding him glaring angrily at a pot on the stove. “Hey,” (Y/n) had during her time with the boys heard them joking about Minho being scary but she didn’t see it, to her he was someone with a soul so kind that it could not know any hate. He was gentle and sweet, (Y/n) was never cautious around him, perhaps it was because he was the one who found her, the first human who ever cared about her. 

“Oh, hey (Y/n), are you hungry?” “A little, but I also want to help you, with whatever you’re doing,” “Can you help me glare at the pot for ruining the food I was making?” The two chuckled at how Minho blamed an inanimate object for messing up the recipe and not himself. Minho reveled in how comfortable the hybrid was around him, his heart feeling just a little lighter to see her smiling and cheerful after everything. “What did the pot do?” “It burnt the food, so I have to start over,” “I’ll help you,” “Okay, well, just stir this and I’ll make a sandwich for you, okay?” “Yes!” And so the two made some food, this time without burning it. Shortly after they finished with the food, the other guys came home. Happy to find the table set for dinner as they were all starving. The nine of them sat down and ate, Chan and the others telling everyone about the information they received during the meeting and whatnot. 

After dinner, (Y/n) and Felix volunteered to take care of the dishes, so that Hyunjin could tell the others about his and (Y/n)’s conversation. Minho and Jeongin sat down beside the tall dancer, ready to help him explain anything in case he found it too hard to say for a third time. Minho had been correct in thinking that Chan and Changbin would be angry, but he had never thought that Seungmin and Han would react just as strongly in anger toward the hybrid’s past. “Do we have their names? Or anything? We could contact the authorities if we did, even if it is in the past, what they have done isn’t allowed,” Chan said, looking at Hyunjin, hopeful that they had more information on these people. Hyunjin shook his head, “She didn’t tell me any names so if she knows, she didn’t share them with me,” Changbin clenched his jaw and his hands, anger flowing through his body, he took a deep breath, trying to calm himself. “She seemed quite cheerful now though,” “Yeah, she took a bath and just spent some time with us, grounding herself in the safety of our home,” Jeongin answered. 

“Do you think we should buy some scar treatment lotions? Or something to treat her scars, they may be old but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t at least try to treat them,” Seungmin said, imagining how uncomfortable it must be for her, he also wondered if maybe (Y/n) was ashamed of her scars. “I’m not sure, we’ll have to look into it and maybe bring her to the vet for a check-up, just to see what the vet will say,” Chan answered. “Honestly, I don’t know if she’s ready to see a vet or a doctor, you see how she is around other people, to have someone come so close and touch her, I’m not sure it’s a good idea, not yet,” Minho said, the others agreed with him after hearing his argument. 

“There’s one more thing, or actually two, that happened earlier,” Hyunjin said, everyone directed their attention to him once more, worried about what he would say. “(Y/n) had a panic attack in the elevator, which caused this whole ordeal, and when we got out of the elevator she kind of collapsed on the floor, and when I tried to calm her down, she kind of kissed me,” Everyone except Jeongin was surprised when Hyunjin told them about the kiss, after all, (Y/n) had told him so he already knew. “What? She kissed you, ahh, I’m so jealous,” Han said loudly, whining at the thought. “She kissed me too, or well, rather she asked me to kiss her before she took her bath,” Jeongin said. 

Just then, (Y/n) and Felix came back out from the kitchen, just in time for Felix to hear Jeongin tell the others about their kiss. (Y/n) shyly looked at Felix as he looked down at the bunny in surprise, he gave her a smile before he continued walking. “I’m sorry,” “Why are you apologizing, (Y/n)?” Han questioned. “Because I kissed them, and not all of you,” “Hey, no pressure. You need to take everything at your own pace, we can wait. There is no reason to rush into something,” Seungmin answered, his honey-sweet voice made a warm sensation spread through (Y/n)’s body. “Are you sure?” “Of course, we are, bunny,” Chan said, standing up and walking over to her, he opened his arms, inviting her into a hug, and (Y/n) gladly accepted it. 

For the remainder of the night, everyone did some different things, some were gaming, others like Hyunjin and (Y/n) were painting, some had gone to bed, and some (*cough* 3racha *cough*) were still working. Soon it was time for everyone to try and get some sleep. (Y/n) got ready and changed into cozy pajamas, then she followed Changbin to his room as she would spend the night there. She got into her bed, enjoying the soft feeling of it. Changbin whispered good night as he lay down in his own bed. 

(Y/n) tossed and turned in her bed as the comfort escaped her all too soon. Her body was on full alert, not allowing her to fall asleep. She tried to think of how soft her pajamas were, or how warm the blanket was, yet it didn’t work. (Y/n) then tried to think of the boys, how warm they are, how nice and kind they have been to her. How much she loves them and how much they love her, but not even this could help her relax. After 2 hours of frustration, she sat up, contemplating going to the kitchen and getting a snack. The hybrid was a bit startled to find Changbin sitting up only a second after her, her hybrid senses allowing her to see even in the dark, (Y/n) could clearly see his eyes being open, he was awake. 

“Can’t sleep?” He asked in a raspy voice, indicating that he had woken up from his sleep. “Mm,” Was all (Y/n) could answer. “Come here,” The rapper said as he lifted the covers on his bed, inviting her into his bed. While the thought scared her a little, she couldn’t decline the invite as the idea of falling asleep in his safe embrace just seemed too good. (Y/n) stood up and walked over to the bed, lying down beside (Y/n). Changbin gently put his arms around her, guiding her to rest her head on his chest, (Y/n) inhaled his scent, calming her body. (Y/n) focused on the steady beats of his heart and his calm breathing. Changbin fell back asleep almost instantly, (Y/n) stayed awake for a couple of minutes but eventually, thanks to the warmth and the safety of his strong embrace, the dream world welcomed her as she fell into a deep slumber. 

[thecampbellclub]

i’m thinking about Hughie post Temp-V

Hughie having constant shakes and tremors through his hands that make it difficult to pick things up/use his phone. It’s hard to hide it from everyone else, especially Annie, but he passes it off as nerves and nothing more.

He gets extreme migraines that blind him and cause his ears to ring louder than freight trains. All he can do when this happens is lay in bed with the windows covered and beg for it to stop.

Meals have become smaller since he took the temp V and now that he’s having sickness from the after shocks of it all, he can hardly eat without being sick and he’s lost weight he didn’t have to lose.

His body temperature is thrown completely off: he runs hot 24/7 and sweats through his sheets at night. Annie has stopped sleeping in his bed as often due to this, but by Hughies request.

This all comes to light when it is simply too much and Hughie can’t hide it anymore. Not that they didn’t notice, Hughie just refused to talk about any of it.

They find him in the kitchen, gasping and sweating on the floor as he held his head in his hands. Every sound they make has Hughie tightening in on himself and asking them in a small voice to please be quiet. They can’t just leave him there, so they force him up and help him to his bedroom while he tries his best not to curl back up and beg for them to kill him.

By the time they make it to his room, he can’t feel, hear, or see. However, what Annie and M.M see, is Hughie’s face with track marks of red and black dripping down his cheek and neck. It was no wonder the agony was so excruciating, his brain was leaking out of his ears.

They question whether they should force him to the hospital and make him miserable, but risk the bleed getting worse, or to leave him until the episode is over. When Hughie began hyperventilating and shaking violently, they made their choice and gathered him up into the back seat of M.M’s car.

In the hospital, the bleeding was discovered to be from a head injury he must have taken when he fell to the kitchen floor. But that diagnosis came with another discovery: an ‘unknown’ insect, perhaps a bug or worm, attempting weakly to burrow into Hughie’s ear-drum. The moment they pulled it out, it died and they discovered no more of them but did find possible signs some of them had gotten through.

The assumption was that in the unclean basement, maybe something had crawled into his ear while he slept but they couldn’t be sure. Annie and M.M had their suspicions, but agreed with doctors.

Hughie was allowed to go home the next day. He was put on pain-killers for the headaches, and he spent most of that week sleeping and taking medicine to keep the pain from encroaching back. It seemed to help quite a lot with the headaches. Now he just cries instead of wishing he was dead.

It was clear the affects had come from the Temp-V. It had hardly been six months since he last took any, and the symptoms just kept getting worse. He was angry towards Butcher, but he was also grateful for being stopped before it was too late. It just didn’t feel fair, especially not since he still wondered if he could handle just one more shot of V. He’d loved every second of the Temp-V and if he could get up, he would find Frenchie and ask how he can get it. Just this last time, he’d say.

But he can’t even open his eyes without throwing up. And with that, M.M and Annie are now worried sick about him which just caused embarrassment to overtake Hughie. They would linger near him almost all of the time to make sure he was still breathing. It wasn’t like he didn’t appreciate it, he did, because when it got bad it was scary. He wouldn’t be able to breathe; The heat would be so suffocating that the sweat glueing his clothes and sheets to his back would be like a coffin. It was much preferable to have someone there to take him out of that state than to ground himself by clawing at his chest.

Worse than being treated like he’s made of sugar glass, he was rendered useless. He couldn’t do anything to help the boys and it was made worse when they all tried to comfort him about it.

Hughie cant even decide if he’s glad this won’t kill him, or if he’s disappointed it wasn’t enough to do exactly that and remove the choice from his own hands. He just hoped it wouldn’t be permanent.

[14buddy22]

I’ll Spend the Rest of My Life Making It Up To You Series

Part 6!! WC: 6.8k

Warnings: Phone Calls, Mentions of physical, emotional, mental and verbal abuse, mentions of rape, mentions of getting help, death, afterlife, sad hours, family fun, pool, swimming, scars, Aaron Hotchner in his dadbod era.

Series Masterlist // Masterlist

After you put Mason down for a nap, Aaron decided to take Jack out for a bike ride. Well, it wasn’t really his decision. You were forcing him to go on a bike ride with Jack. Jack had been asking him to go all morning but Aaron didn’t want to leave you alone.

After much convincing of telling him you’d be alright, he told Jack to get ready, fill up a water bottle, get his bike helmet, and shoes on. You watched Jack get everything he needed while Aaron ran through everything with you.

“Lock the door when we leave. Even the extra lock. Look through the peep hole before you answer the door. If Jake is at the door, go with Mason into the guest room, lock it, call 9-1-1, text me, and I’ll be back. Don’t talk to him, don’t let him in. I can’t-I can’t let anything happen to you or Mason. Please.”

“I know, Aaron. I’m not going to let Jake in or anyone. I promise. Go enjoy the beautiful afternoon with Jack. I’m going to be sitting here on the couch, watching TV, until you come back.”

“I’ll text you when we are heading back home, I’ll call you when we’re right outside the door so that I don’t have to worry about waking Mason up.”

You always loved that about Aaron. He was always so over protective, always so caring of others. He put everyone else’s safety in front of his. He always put everyone over himself. You used to be that way towards Aaron. You would always put him over yourself, but when you two broke up, you put yourself first. That was until you met Jake. Then it was Jake’s needs that needed to come before your own. Now with Mason, you’d always put Mason before you.

“Go, Aaron. Go enjoy a nice afternoon with your son. It sounds like you two don’t get enough quality time with each other as both of you deserve. So go, however long it takes. Mason and I are safe.”

Jack hugged you and Aaron smiled at the scene in front of him. He loved that Jack knew you were his best friend. Aaron was thankful he had always kept pictures of you up, had always talked to Jack about you, even if it was never about you two being in a relationship, but just being best friends.

As the two left for their bike ride, you decided to start researching domestic violence cases and custody battles. You wanted to prepare yourself for the ride you were going to go on. It scared you. It really did. You were afraid that by doing this, you would lose Mason. If you lost Mason to Jake, you don’t know if you’d be able to live with yourself anymore.

After about an hour of reading up on public cases and watching TV, your cell phone pinged with a text message. You saw who it was from. You didn’t know if you should pick it up or let it go. He wasn’t calling, it was just a text. Maybe he got served the restraining order. Maybe Aaron’s divorce attorney was that good and already served him those papers.

Despite thinking, you picked up the phone and opened the message.

“I’m probably the last person you want to talk to right now, and, I know I haven’t been good to you, but, can I please just have 5 minutes with you on the phone?”

It was just a phone call, right? Nothing could happen to you. His words could hurt, but his fist hurt even more. You were safe in the confines of Aaron’s home. You knew your son was still sleeping. Jake only wants 5 minutes, you wouldn’t give him any more.

After a few minutes of contemplating what to do, you turned off the TV, shut the lap top, and took a deep breath. You were going to talk to him. You were going to have to face him sooner than later, you better let him get angry when he was hundreds of miles away, compared to him getting angry when he was a foot away from you.

You decided to call him. After 3 rings, he picked up, saying your name on the other side of the phone.

“Yeah, it’s me. We don’t have a lot of time, Mason’s due to get up from his nap soon.”

“I just want you to listen. Please. I know you don’t owe me anything, but I want you to hear me out.”

“5 minutes, Jake. That’s all I’m giving you.”

“I’m sorry for being a shitty husband. I am so sorry, Y/n. I never meant for it to get this bad. I never wanted to lay my hands on you. I know for 10 years, I have been a shitty husband. I was insecure of myself. You had Aaron, a greater man than I ever was, ever will be. You had him once and then you got me. I thought I’d get over it. Then, when you went to his office, I lost it. I love you, Y/n. I haven’t stopped loving you. We have a freaking baby together. A little boy who you and I love so much. He’s the best thing to happen to us. We’ve been through so much. We’ve been through three miscarriages to get Mason. We went through that together. I know how hard it was on you. I know you wanted children. When we got Mason, I fell harder for you. You are an amazing mom. You work, pick him up from daycare, and you’re always there for him. I’m a shitty husband, a shitty father. I won’t deny that Y/n. But please, come home. I’m leaving the work trip early. If they fire me, they fire me. I want my marriage back with you. I want to raise Mason with you. We’re going to be okay. I promise you I’ll change the way I’ve been. I promise that if I lay a hand on you again, I will call the police myself and have them throw me in jail and sign off on my parental rights. Let me make our marriage right again. Please, Y/n. You deserve better, and I’m telling you, I’m going to be better. I’m going to be better for you an our little boy. So please, come home.”

You were upset. Here is your husband calling you, clearly upset, saying how he’s sorry. You heard his voice thick with emotion. You know this was coming deep from the heart. That’s the one thing about Jake you had loved. He spoke from the heart. He could be sincere.

“Jake, why now? What’s making you call and apologize, now? Why couldn’t you change 10 years ago, on our wedding night?”

“I was out golfing with my buddy today and when we got back to the clubhouse, I saw it, Y/n. I saw a husband hit his wife in the corner of the clubhouse. And you know what she did? She picked herself back up and carried on like it was nothing. It made me realize that the pain that that woman is going through is what you’re going through, I never want to put you through that again.”

You were heartbroken. You fell in love with him for a reason. Part of you wants to give him a second chance. Mason deserves to have a father in his life, he’s just a little boy. Maybe Jake truly has changed. He was being emotional with you, he even said he would call the cops on himself if he laid his hands on you ever again. Maybe he changed. Maybe you’d be alright after all. This was an eye opening experience that Jake needed.

“Jake, I-I need a bit to think about it. You really hurt me, not only physically but mentally, emotionally, you did it all.”

You heard him let out a sob, you felt sorry. Maybe he truly was trying to make up for it. Maybe he realized he had a son that he had to set a better example for. You needed to talk to Aaron about this before anything.

“Jake, I have to go. Mason’s getting up from his nap. We’ll be in touch.”

You hung up before he could get another word it. You couldn’t deal with this right now. 10 minutes ago you were reading about divorce attorneys, court cases, restraining orders, and custody battles. But, maybe you were just overreacting.

You got the text from Aaron that him and Jack were putting their bikes in the garage and coming up. When you had unlocked the door, you waited for Aaron to knock, however the sound of Jack running down the hall had you getting up to open the door for those two.

Jack greeted you with a hug and began telling you all about his bike ride. He sure was a very animated kid. You loved hearing Jack talk about Aaron. Aaron was a very good Dad to Jack, you knew he’d always be a good father, but to have Jack confirm that by speaking so highly about his father, it made you smile. You wanted Mason to have someone to speak so highly about. Maybe you did need to give Jake another chance.

“Is Mason up yet?”

“Not yet, but, I was thinking, when Mason gets up, I want to take him to the pool. What do you think? Should I convince your dad?”

Jack nodded eagerly at you and he whispered, “I’m going to go change into my swimsuit and find my pool toys.”

You chuckled as you watched the little boy run down the hall, trip on his toy, get up and say, “I’m okay!”

“So, Mr. Superhero, when Mason gets up in about 10 minutes, let’s go for a swim? I could use some fresh air but I need a bodyguard.”

“I’ll be your bodyguard until the day I die, Y/n Y/l/n.”

You heard Mason start to wake up so you excused yourself and went to go get him changed and changed yourself. You didn’t realize you even had a swimsuit in your luggage until you realized it was in a pocket you didn’t clean out last year. It was one of your favorite swimsuits that you thought you had lost, but were happy to find it this morning.

When you got yourself changed, you were happy it was just an apartment complex pool, that hadn’t been busy. You were self-concious of your body. You weren’t that way then you were with Aaron, but when you were with Jake, you were overly conscious about everything, but that was because of what he’d say to you.

You walked out of your room with Mason settled on your hip and Aaron had seen you in an oversized t-shirt that was extremely faded and a pair of shorts. It was only when he went to hand you Mason’s bottle that he made that it was actually his shirt from 15 years ago. He remembers giving it to you. Well, more like you stealing it from him.

You and Aaron had just gotten home from a night out. You weren’t planning to be out so late, but you two got caught up in a night of dinner, drinks, and dancing. It was a fun night out, one that both of you needed.

After getting home, you and him decided to change into pajamas, but when you and him decided to have one more drink, you spilled your drink onto your shirt while kissing him on the couch.

You picked up his shirt that had long-been discarded on the side of the couch where you two were making out on. You quickly took off your shirt and put his on.

“Come on, we can’t make out a little bit without your shirt on?”

“No, we can’t. That’s why yours is off.”

After a night of loving Aaron, you got up next morning and made breakfast for him. He heard the dryer going and laughed at the thought of you doing laundry so early in the morning.

“Once my shirt is finished drying, you could have this one back.”

“No, I don’t want it. It looks better on you than it does on me. Keep it.”

And that’s how you got stuck with your comfort tshirt that Aaron never got back the minute you took it from him.

“I remember that shirt.”

You looked down at it and said, “Oh yeah, I guess I didn’t realize I put it on. It’s a comfort tshirt. It’s faded.”

Aaron cut you off and said, “It’s 20 years old! I could give you a new one.”

“This one has more sentimental value to it. Do you remember how you stole it from me.”

He chuckled thinking back to that memory with you. That was one of the best nights he had had with you. You two were young, new and experimenting with your relationship. That was the first night you spend the night with him without having to leave at 6 in the morning.

You sat on the couch, beginning to feed Mason as Aaron changed into a swim suit. When he walked out into his living room, you couldn’t help but take his figure in. He didn’t let himself go by anymean, but the man you were with 15 years ago was definitely not the man who stood in the living room now.

He filled out, it was better looking now than it was 15 years ago. The dadbod he had on him made him more attractive. What you didn’t notice was the way he held the backpack infront of his stomach. He was hiding something, but you didn’t know what.

“Y/n, did you hear me? Do I need to pack something to make another bottle?”

“Uh, no. Sorry. No, he’ll be good until dinner time, if not I’ll feed him from the boob.”

Aaron rolled his eyes at how brazen you were. He loved that you didn’t care. You would just say the most out of pocket things out there that always would make him blush. He really should have known you would’ve said something like that.

After Mason was fed, Aaron filled up some water cups for all of you, and then you were walking your way to the pool in Aaron’s apartment complex. You got set up under an umbrella and Jack ran into the pool and started playing with a couple of his friends. Aaron got in the water and said, “This was your idea, you have to come in now.”

“I’m coming in, relax. Here, hold Mason above the water. I don’t know how he’ll react. This is his first time in a pool.”

You quickly slipped into the water and stood next to Aaron. Looking at each other, you looked back at Mason and fixed Mason’s hat.

“Okay buddy. You ready to go in. Aar, lower him in slowly.”

Aaron had turned Mason around so that Mason’s back was against his chest and facing towards you. Mason was smiling at you and you were telling Aaron to keep lowering him.

Mason immediately started kicking his legs around and waving his arms. Mason was laughing and it sent you and Aaron into a laughing fit. Sooner than later, Mason’s bottom half was in the water and he kept looking at you and Aaron.

“I think you’re going to have a swimmer on your hands, Y/n. Wherever you move to next, you better hope there’s a pool somewhere close.”

“Just like you got your little swimmer over there.”

Jack was doing swimming races with his friends and Aaron said, “He was thrilled when he moved in with me. The pool was a plus for him.”

You grabbed a little pool float to put Mason in so he could still play in the water but Aaron wouldn’t have to hold him. You put Mason in it and he was playing with the water toys attached. It made your heart happy to know that your little boy was happy. That your little boy had no idea what pain was, you never wanted him to experience it.

You held the float in your one hand and said, “Aar, I uh, I need to tell you something. But, you can’t get mad, okay?”

“Okay. What’s up?”

“Jake called me. When you were on your bike ride with Jack. He wants me to meet him again. He wants to work things out. He said he’s changed. He wants to be a father to Mason, he said that I deserve better than he was giving me. He told me that if he laid his hands on me again, he would call the police himself. He’s coming home from his business trip today.”

“No. Don’t even suggest what I know you’re thinking.”

“Aaron, him and I had three miscarriages before we got Mason, he wants to be involved in his life. He wants to fix our marriage. I owe him the respect of at least showing up to talk.”

“No. No way am I letting you go back to him. I’m sorry if you wanted me to tell you to go back to him, but I can’t. I mean, look. He left bruises on you. He left scars! You owe him nothing. You gave him 10 years to figure his shit out. You gave him 6 months to be a father to Mason. You don’t owe him anything.”

You were heartbroken. Aaron always supported you. No matter what crazy idea or decision you had or made, he always supported you, but he wasn’t going to give you his approval on it. He doesn’t know Jake. But at the same time, you guess you didn’t really know him either.

“He’s changed, Aaron.”

“Bullshit, Y/n! I read some of the letters. I saw the photos of what he did to you on your wedding night. God damn it, I picked you up in the middle of the night and drove you to the hospital because he nearly BEAT you to death. How am I supposed to just go by your word of ‘he changed’. He didn’t. No man, who has been ABUSIVE for 10 years, can change in the blink of an eye. I refuse to believe it. Sure, maybe I let jealousy get in the way because I will have lost you, AGAIN, but I also refuse to believe that a fucking coward like him, has changed.”

You were upset. Aaron saw it and you felt your emotions running high with the tears threatening to spill from your eyes. He wanted to calm you down before you were crying, so that’s when he pulled you in for a hug.

“You have to trust me. I’ve dealt with men like this. He’s no good if you go back to him. You have to trust me, Y/n. I usually support you in decisions and ideas that you make or have, but I just can’t support you on this one. You and Mason deserve so much better than he could have ever given you. You need to know that.”

Deep down, you knew Aaron was right, but you wanted him to just be wrong. You wanted to believe Jake was capable of change. Manys loved him, but, you couldn’t love him all the time.

“When we put the kids down tonight, we’ll talk, okay?”

You nodded at him and as time slowly went by, you were closer and closer to dreading that conversation with Aaron. You knew he was going to be honest with you. You needed to trust him. But a piece of you lied with Jake. He was your husband, your son’s father.

While the kids were fast asleep, you moved to sit on the couch, waiting for Aaron to come out of Jack’s room. When he finally did, he went to his office and then came back into the living room. Except he wasn’t alone, he was holding an evidence box.

“Aar, what is-”

“I’m going to give you all the reasons why you should not go back to him.”

Aaron pulled out a stack of letters. You don’t know how he got those. You left those in your car when you went to the bureau. Then you remembered his team went through your car. They must have taken it. You just sat back, knowing in your mind you would not win against Aaron.

“Look at the letters, Y/n. You wrote these. You wrote these to me. They start off find, but you missed the sign of his verbal abuse when he told you that dress didn’t look good on you. You missed it. That was just a starting point.”

Aaron put that letter on the table and then pulled out a letter where you told Aaron he pushed you down the stairs. He pulled out the photos next.

He laid them all out on the table in front of you and he pointed to a picture of the hand print on your face.

“Look, Y/n! This is his handprint he left on your face on your wedding day. You wrote that in the letter to me. Here’s your wedding dress he ripped because he just wanted to get to you, that he didn’t like. Here’s the lingerie he hated even though you loved. Here’s the bite mark he left on your breast.”

He kept going on and on. All you could do was sit on the couch and cry. You were falling apart. You were reliving all through your trauma, but you were reliving it with Aaron. He was pointing this out to you.

“Here’s one. He didn’t physically abuse you. But this is a different sign of domestic abuse. Let me read it to you.

Aaron,

Tomorrow I have to say goodbye to you. I don’t know how I feel about it. Well, I know how I feel about it. I hate it. I’ve been crying, angry, frustrated, throwing up. Jake won’t let me see you anymore.

He thinks there’s something going on, but we both know there isn’t. You and I just sit at the diner for an hour, and if we’re lucky, maybe two hours, and it’s two hours where I can be myself, I know I won’t get judged by you. I can laugh at whatever stupid jokes you say and I can tell stupid jokes back. I can be myself.

But, they say all good things must come to an end. You were the good thing I had in my life, Aaron Hotchner. You always had been and you always will be, I know that. You’re the greatest gift that life has given me, Aaron.

One. More. Day.”

You were still a crying mess on his couch. Jake didn’t deserve you. You didn’t deserve someone as good as Aaron.

“If that still isn’t enough, Y/n, look at me.”

Aaron pulled out his cellphone and took a picture of your face.

“He did this to you last night, Y/n. You can’t tell me that he has miraculously changed in less than 24 hours. What’s next? Will he push you down the stairs harder and you hit your head against the corner of the wall? Will he try to kill you in you sleep? What example does that set for Mason? If you go back to Jake, all it’s going to do is show Mason how to treat his girlfriend and wife someday. And you know what, you’d be just as guilty as Jake if you let that monster raise your son if you go back to him.”

Mason. It’s when everything clicked for you. Aaron’s right. Jake wins if he creates a mini-version of himself. You won’t have that. You know other women in this world are in a domestic abuse situation who can’t get out. They don’t have the resources you do. They don’t have the will-power that you do because their significant other is manipulative. You can get out, you will get out.

You were sobbing now. Aaron was right, you couldn’t go back. Jake’s lying to you. Jake’s trying to manipulate you into saying he’ll be better. But deep down, you know Aaron’s right. Aaron wrapped his arms around you and when you melted into him, sobbing into his shirt, you know that he knew that he had got through to you.

“You deserve better, Y/n. You always have. For the past 10 years, you were in a loveless marriage. He never loved you. You were just a “thing” for him.”

He held you in his arms and he said, “It’s going to be okay. If he texts you again, don’t answer it. If he calls you, let it go to voicemail. We can’t have you calling and talking to him, especially when there’s a custody battle at stake here.”

You nodded your head and you pulled away from him. Wiping your tears, you cleaned up the photos and letters, placing them back into the box.

“Give those to Dave and JJ tomorrow, but, I want them back Aaron. They need to make photocopies of everything and I want the originals.”

“Of course.”

You smiled at him and you said, “Thank you. Goodnight, Aaron.”

While getting into bed, you couldn’t help but cry yourself to sleep. You were so grateful for Aaron. He deserved everything and more in the world. You drifted off to sleep, knowing Mason would be up bright and early.

***

Maybe you were going to die. You couldn’t be so sure. I mean, you know Jake needs you. Deep down, there’s some love somewhere, but it had to be brought to light. Maybe he could change. If Aaron could change his mind about marrying you, the one good man who you loved so deeply, hurt you in the worst way imaginable. The day that Aaron broke off the engagement was the day that you died, maybe not literally, but it was the start of your downfall. It was the beginning of the end. Aaron breaking your heart solidified you getting ready to take your last breath. Would you blame Aaron? No, because you should have fought harder. That’s why you tried to keep your breaths steady so you could see Aaron one last time.

“Y/n! Y/n, oh god, what did he do to you? What did he- I should have never let you go see him. I knew better! Look what he did to you. Look what I did to you.”

Aaron had rushed to your side, placing pressure over the blood that was pooling out of your stomach. He tried to keep his eyes on you, he wanted to see the life still in your eyes, but the blood was coming out faster and faster.

“Aaron, It’s not your fault. Listen to me. It’s not your fault. Aaron, this was Jake’s fault. Promise me you’ll get him. Promise me you’ll take care of Mason. I know he’s not yours. I know we didn’t have kids, but please, Aaron. I can’t let Mason grow up without anyone who loves him. I know you’ll love him as much as you love Jack, as much as you love me. Please Aaron, please tell me Mason will be in good hands.”

“He will be. Because you and I are going to raise him. The paramedics are on their way. Mason’s going to have a mom AND a dad. We’ll raise Mason together, we’ll have a few Hotchner babies. We’re, we’ll get married, we’ll continue to grow our family. Mason, he’ll, he’ll be okay.”

He saw your eyes begin to flutter close, but you needed to tell him you loved him, make him promise that he’s going to take care of Mason. It was your time.

“No, no. Y/n! Wake up! Wake up!”

“Aaron, it’s time. I’ve lost too much blood. Aaron, please. Please promise me you’ll take care of Mason. Give him all the hugs and kisses you can to that kid for as long as he’ll let you from me.”

“I promise, y/n. I promise. I will.”

“And Aaron, I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

Death is a weird thing. It’s like you could still hear everything that was happening around you, but you couldn’t move. It’s like an out-of-body experience. One minute, you were watching Aaron fall apart around you, and the next? You’re watching him take care of your son.

You were in this weird transitional state. You briefly remember what had happened when you closed your eyes for what would be the final time, and how you took your last breath shortly after. For some reason, you felt Aaron’s entire body weight hold you in his arms, almost like his weight was on you. Even for being dead, you still felt the final kiss that he gave you write before you closed your eyes for the last time.

You never wanted to know what it was like to dead, but now that you were here, you could still keep an eye on your son, which is what you were doing now. You weren’t haunting them, just looking out for them. Your son was comfortable around Aaron. Aaron looked exhausted carrying Mason around from daycare to daycare. You saw him and Penelope researching daycare places for Mason in the car. A part of you felt guilty for putting this on Aaron, but you couldn’t help it. You didn’t think it’d ever get this far. You didn’t think Jake would have beaten you to death.

It was only a few months later when you were watching over your three boys in the kitchen. All three of them making a mess and baking cupcakes. Aaron letting the boys consume way too much sugar, but they were having a good time. For the first time in a long time, Aaron looked happy. Jack was an amazing big brother to Mason. As Jack was kneeling on the chair, mixing the frosting together, Aaron’s phone screen went off. It was your sign to try and communicate with him that you were there. You were okay even without physically being alive.

When Aaron looked down at his screen, he smiled. He changed his lock screen a while ago from the bureau logo to a pic of you and him when you two got engaged. That was one of the better moments in his life. His home screen was a picture of Jack and Mason sitting on the swings in the park. Mason may not look like Aaron at all, but he didn’t care. He would tell everyone until the day that he died that he had two sons.

When Mason saw his phone light up, he pointed to the picture and smiled, and said, “Mama! Dada!”

Aaron froze slightly, not sure what to feel. It was just then when Jack started getting super excited that Mason had just said his first words. Aaron had teared up and picked up Mason from where he was holding him on the counter.

Aaron kissed his cheek and said, “That’s right. That’s your Mama.”

Jack said, “Dad! He called you dad!”

You began to cry at the sight of your three boys in the kitchen. Your son said his first words. It was mom and dad. You knew they’d be okay. Aaron was doing an amazing job raising two boys as a single father. Aaron was raising a son that wasn’t his, but in that very moment, anyone who would encounter your family would think that Mason was his and Aaron would always make sure of it.

When he got both boys to bed that night, Aaron got in his bed and pulled out a candle.

“Hi, Haley. Usually I do this with Jack, but tonight, I wanted to talk to Y/n. I hope you two are both watching over us. I’ll talk to you soon with Jack. I miss you, Haley and I’m sorry.”

You were in the room watching Aaron sit on his bed with the candle in his hand, back leaning up against the headboard. You really wish you could hug him and tell him how proud you are of him for raising two boys as a single father, for raising one who wasn’t even his.

“Hey Y/n, Mason said his first word today. It was ‘mama’. Jack got so excited when he said it. He called me Dada. I, I don’t know how I feel about it. I mean, I love it. It means he’s got trust. He knows I’m there to take care of him, but at the same time, you should be here, too. You should get to here Mason calling you Mama and calling me, Dada. God, I hate Jake, he did this to you, y/n. You’re gone and he gets to live and sit in prison. You didn’t deserve that. I’m sorry. I’m sorry I couldn’t protect you.”

Aaron broke down crying and you began to cry yourself. While you weren’t there physically with him, only the ghost of you moved closer to him and wrapped your arms around him while he cried. You could touch him all you wanted, but he wouldn’t feel you there. That’s what hurt the most.

It hurt knowing that Jake won. It hurt knowing that you were gone and Mason would never remember what it felt like to be held by his mom. It hurt knowing you would never marry Aaron, would never get to have a child that was half you and half him. It hurt watching Aaron struggle everyday after losing two people he loved and raising two kids as a single father.

“I miss you, every day, Y/n. I’m sorry I couldn’t do more to protect you. I’m sorry I broke off our engagement all those years ago. But, I’m going to keep my promise. I’m going to keep giving Mason all the hugs and kisses I can. I’m going to take care of him and talk about you everyday. I love you, watch over us, please.”

****

You shot up out of bed, waking up in a sweat. Were you dead? What the heck was going on?

You were breathing really heavy, you were sweaty. When you turned the lamp on, you saw Mason sleeping. You slowed your breathing down. You were okay. You were at Aaron’s. You needed him. You wanted to sleep but were afraid if you fell asleep on your own, you’d have another nightmare.

You brought the baby monitor with you and walked your way into Aaron’s room. You saw him sleeping. You had second thoughts. Should you wake him up? Should you just get in bed with him?

You apparently didn’t think to long, the next thing you were doing was quietly shaking Aaron’s arm, whispering his name.

“What’s wrong? Are you okay?”

He turned on his lamp, sat up, and took a look at the state you were in.

“i-I had a nightmare. I want a restraining order against Jake. I want him to go to jail for what he did to me. I want sole custody of Mason. I can’t let him win, Aaron. I can’t.”

You began to cry and you wrapped your arms around Aaron. He held you in his arms and said, “We’ll take care of it. Let’s get you back to bed. Come on, you can sleep with me.”

You wiped your tears and whispered, “Thank you.”

Aaron got up from his bed and he walked into his bathroom to grab you a cup of water. You got in on the opposite of where Aaron slept and got in. He gave you the glass of water and after you took a sip of it, he got in bed next to you. He turned off the light and adjusted his sheets.

He turned on his side to face you and said, “Do you want to talk about it?”

You turned to face him and you could just make out a little bit of his face in the moonlight. You knew he wasn’t going to let it go until you told him what it was about, but he also knew that he had to let you process it yourself.

“I just know that I had gone to see Jake and he had beat me to death. Aaron, you came to try and save me, but, it was too late. He had already done more than enough damage. You watched me take my last breath. But when I was dead, I was still there with you. I had watched you and Penelope go to multiple daycares, researching the best ones for Mason. I watched you fall apart but keep yourself together for the sake of the boys. I watched you be a father to a child that wasn’t yours. I-I, it must had been a few months since I had passed because I saw an older Mason, older Jack, I watched you light a candle after Mason had said “Mama and Dada” for the first time. I watched you fall apart speaking to me and Haley. Aaron, I can’t do this with Jake. I saw what my future was like and I don’t want to die knowing I didn’t listen to you. I don’t want Jake to win. I-I can’t lose you just yet.”

Aaron saw the look of fright on your face. He grabbed your hand and squeezed it. He kissed your forehead, giving himself a moment to calm you down.

“I don’t want to lose you, but if you died. I would take Mason in in a heartbeat. There are no ifs, ands, and buts about it. It was just a nightmare. You’re going to be okay, y/n. We have a good lawyer, we have the evidence, you have a place to stay. Tell ya what, when we talk to the lawyer tomorrow, we’re going to start moving you out of that house. Okay?”

You nodded your head, thankful for Aaron at that moment.

“I would never kick you out, you know you can stay here for as long as you need. If you want to move out, we’ll look for somewhere safe for you and Mason. If you want to stay for a bit, we’ll fix up the guest room up into however you’ll like.”

You placed your hand on his cheek and began to rub your thumb gently back and forth. 15 years ago you were in bed with a man you had loved more than anything in the world. Here you are 15 years later, with the same man. It’s not how you thought life would have taken you to get back to him, but you had.

“Thank you, Aaron. I mean it.”

“Let’s get some sleep. Come on. Goodnight.”

You had closed your eyes, your hand retreating back to your side of the bed. You didn’t know it, but Aaron didn’t fall back asleep until you had fallen into a deep sleep and heard your little snores. That’s what really gave it away. But that was something he had always loved about you.

He would always love you. To him, you had no flaws, you were perfect. It was him who was a mess. But, right now, getting through these past few days have been rough on him. All the guilt that consumed him for breaking the engagement off led you to this trauma-filled life with Jake.

Just knowing that when this was all said and done with that he was going to propose to you, it made him fall asleep with love in his heart and more excitement than ever. He knew you were going to be his wife when everything was over. He was just grateful that you came to him when you needed help, otherwise, who knows; your nightmare might have became a reality.

He pmoved closer to you that night, proceeding to wrap his arm over you, pulling you into his chest. He just wanted one night where he could hold you in his arms and make sure you were going to feel loved by someone in the morning.

And that’s what he did when you and him woke up in the morning at the sounds of Mason beginning to talk in his pack-and-play. You were greeted with his arms around you, a little squeeze around your waist as he whispered, “Good Morning.”

You felt safe with him. He was your person. You had always wanted to marry this man. You were just hoping that he’d want to marry you, even with all the baggage you had.

Little did you know, he had always loved you and would always love you no matter what happened from here on out.

Next Part

Tagging: @8crazy-freak8​ @angelmather1​ @rousethemouse​ @lex13cm​ @mrs-ssa-hotch​ @comfortzonequeen​

[undreaming-fanfiction]

With This Ring (12)

Chapter 11 here, Ao3 here

Nancy Wheeler was staring at her reflection in the mirror. She hated what she was seeing.

She was pale from the lack of sleep and worry, no matter how much her mother tried with the makeup. Her eyes looked smaller, drowned by the dark circles. Her hair was tamed to the point that it was almost unrecognizable, her prized curls were straightened and pulled into a neat wedding bun. And most of all, she’d always hated wearing white. 

Months ago, she hoped that the dress would stay in the closet forever, unlike her (if she decided to be naively optimistic about her future). Yesterday, she thought the worst thing that could happen was being forced to marry one of her best friends. And today…

She scowled as she recalled their plans, now shattered. They had almost made it. Even if she had married Steve, they could have gotten divorced afterwards. Or maybe not - not as long as they’d stayed in Hawkins. But the world was wide. They could have moved. Robin could have come with them. They could have kept up the facade until they had room to breathe. 

But that wasn’t what she wanted. 

Did she regret not marrying Steve for the sake of convenience, as another ruse, another mask? She’d had too many hours to think about it, after Robin was dragged out of the room and Nancy’s fate was decided without her. She considered all the options, all the steps she took, and…no. She wouldn’t have changed anything. Because Steve wasn’t just her ex, he was her friend. He was someone who kept swallowing down his own pain and shielded her from everyone’s judgment so she could be herself for a few brief moments. It would have been so unfair to him. Nancy couldn’t do that. 

And now he was missing. Her mind was supplying the worst scenarios possible - Steve got assaulted and left somewhere. Steve got injured and he’s waiting for help. Steve fell into the quarry and drowned. Nancy was aware she had a pessimistic mindset, but after Barb, she would never take someone’s living, breathing presence for granted. And apart from that one moment of desperation, deep down she knew one thing - Steve would have never abandoned her and Robin. 

She went to her father and pleaded to let her look for him. She was even ready to make a false promise to go ahead with the wedding the next day, only to reject Steve at the altar to give him his freedom back. But instead of taking her concerns seriously, Ted Wheeler just told her to wait. She’d waited. And then, worried sick about Steve, she made a mistake that would cost her everything. 

Or maybe not. 

Nancy Wheeler always paid her debts and fixed her messes. Her future, her freedom, it meant nothing if she abandoned the ones she loved. Refusing the marriage would end up with her being held at home until she changed her mind. All while Steve was losing precious time.

She turned away from the mirror and adjusted her veil one last time. “I’m ready.” 

Karen Wheeler stood in the doorway, barely containing her misery. She had to wear waterproof mascara so the angry tears wouldn’t win. “I’m so sorry, Nancy,” she whispered. “I hoped this would be a good day for you. Maybe one day, when…you know. When it could happen.” 

“I know, mom. And thank you for trying.” Nancy wrapped her hands around her mother’s waist, pulling her into a hug. 

Karen held her close, careful not to smudge her lipstick on the white dress. “I should have tried harder. How could I let it get this far? Let me to talk to dad, give him an ultimatum, something-”

“Don’t. Mike and Holly…they should be kept out of this. They don’t deserve to have their home ruined because of me.” She pulled back and wiped away the wetness on her mother’s cheek. “It’s not over, mom. It’s just a setback. I can’t say I have a plan, but…I think that if I have to go down, I’d like to do it fighting.” 

Karen smiled at her with pride that Nancy didn’t feel she deserved. “That’s my girl. And if you need a distraction, maybe to set someone on fire…I still have that lighter.” They laughed together, a brief moment of levity before what felt like the end of Nancy’s life. “I’ll follow your lead. You’re so brave.”

Nancy returned the smile and walked out of the door, determined to see it through. 

She would wear the white wedding dress she hated. 

She would walk down the aisle, give her father what he wanted…for now. 

And then she’d break free and find Steve. Maybe talk to Chief Hopper about being forced into a marriage. He seemed like a reasonable man. And if everything else failed, she could always run away and find her mom and siblings when they were older. 

Mike was arguing with their father downstairs, almost shouting. “I object!” 

Ted Wheeler decided to, as was his usual approach, disregard any part of reality he found inconvenient. Like his son. “Mike, you can only say that during the ceremony. And if you know what’s good for you and your sister, you won’t even think the word.” 

“But she was supposed to marry Steve!” Mike sounded incredulous. In Nancy’s mind, he was still so young. He was supposed to be playing Dungeons and Dragons, meet with his friends and ride bikes all over Hawkins, maybe get his first girlfriend. He should not be losing his mind over Nancy’s doomed wedding. “Don’t get me wrong, I don’t like Steve, but sometimes he’s at least a bit cool! And he likes Nancy. Jason never even spoke to her. How can that be good?” 

Ted’s bored gaze found his daughter frozen on the stairs, listening. He turned to her and gestured to move closer. “Would you like to comment on that, Nancy?” 

She shook her head. When she finally reached Mike, she squeezed his shoulder. “It’s okay, Mike. It’s all going to end well.” 

It took only seconds for the doorbell to ring. For the neighbors to gather, to congratulate her, accompany her to the church. 

“Here comes the bride,” she whispered and left her childhood home.

Chapter 13 here

[jodilin65]

I’ve always considered myself an empath but have become less of one the more I see and realize that for the most part, people cause their own problems. Like voting Republican and then crying about lost rights. What do they expect? That’s like teasing a tiger and then bitching about it if it bites.

However, if the journal entries I’ve been editing and publishing from 2014-2015 were written by a total stranger, I would feel SO bad for them. It’s just so much torture both physically and emotionally that I went through! Even after all this time, I’m still angry that I had to suffer so much while the so-called experts blew me off and gave me suggestions that weren’t the least bit helpful in the end. They should have had a much better idea of what was going on with me and provided me with much better solutions rather than being so dismissive or blaming my problems on simply being anxious. Denying other possibilities was totally unprofessional, including that not everyone’s normal is in the so-called normal range of numbers.

I get that we know our bodies better than anyone else and that it’s hard for people to figure out or understand what they’ve never experienced first-hand but that’s still no excuse. They should have had enough info based on others who, like me, experienced the same problems. I was far from alone in what I went through between the medication and menopause.

I almost considered deleting Doc A for a minute after remembering the way she tried to tell me that levothyroxine can’t make you anxious, and that losing weight doesn’t affect your thyroid levels but only the life of the thyroid. How can any doctor say that to a patient?!

Also, the way I had to pry for menopause info or look online as if it’s a taboo subject and something totally unnatural that half the population doesn’t go through was ridiculous. I thought back to Doc C who knew damn well what my age was at the time, yet she never once said a word about menopause or perimenopause.

LOL, I just sent the last few paragraphs to Doc C on Facebook. She probably won’t see it though, as she definitely seems to have abandoned her account. And all because of what? A former patient who wanted to be her friend? Whatever. Her prerogative. It’s been 51 weeks since my last message to her which was actually an accident. It was a flower picture I meant to send someone else.

For the second day in a row, I’m tired because my sleep got broken up. I got up to pee and had trouble falling back asleep. Knowing that this meant I would automatically be tired when I got up, I removed the mouthguard. I was surprised not to find any spikes in oxygen levels after sleeping without it.

My only complaint is that the thing is making my jaw and teeth sore but I confirmed that while it can move teeth and make your jaws sore, it can’t knock your teeth out or anything like that. Hopefully, I’ll get used to it but if I don’t, yet still find it helpful (when thunder isn’t waking me up and I’m able to get back to sleep after I wake up to pee), I’ll ask Rhonda for a referral so I can get one custom made. For now, maybe tomorrow I can get back on with the testing! Part of having trouble sleeping might be my fault. It’s very hard to resist laying down when you’re tired and I might have laid down too much and gone to bed too early. I’ll try not to do that as much throughout the night.

There is some good news and that’s that some of my test results came back and I do not have an infection after all. I’m guessing the yellow discharge is simply the way I am in this day and age. Hormonal changes can cause it but it’s rarely a symptom of cancer so I’m not worried about it since I don’t have any symptoms. Hopefully, she won’t want to do further testing. The urine culture results are still a few days away.

More good news. The bed has been ordered! From Amazon, we have a metal frame that’s 14 inches tall and supports up to 3,000 lbs. The whole ensemble should be about 1,000, though.

I also got a couple of fitted sheets, one in Rio Red that will go with an extra pillowcase we have with red rosebuds on it, and one in Dusty Lavender which can go with an extra plum-colored pillowcase.

From the waterbed store, we got an 8-inch plush waterbed cover with free-flow tubes. It will come with 7 tubes that run the length of the bed and not the width. If I feel the cover is plush enough, I’ll just use an extra fitted sheet for a mattress pad. If not, we have extra plush mattress pads.

Tom will get a sheet of plywood to put on the bed frame since it's not a solid platform. There are gaps between the rails and we don't want to put the waterbed mattress on that. Also, I want to put the soundproofing blanket on top of the plywood and underneath the waterbed because I sometimes still feel and hear bumps and bangs from car doors given how close these houses are.

So now my survey savings account is almost empty! I’m going to get some little things before I save up for anything big again. I want to indulge in some Chinese food and a variety of incense from The Dipper. Then I want to finish the exterior bedroom wall.

Magic straws aren’t so magic. They have these flavored straws for milk and I decided to try the chocolate one but didn’t notice any chocolate taste at all.

Going to make dinner in a bit. A baked potato and chicken wings since I had salmon last night.

My weight is up a couple of pounds after having to raise my TSH a bit but it sure stopped my racy heart. You know how it is for me; it’s either be calm and be fatter or wound up and not as fat. The first choice is definitely more comfortable.

What was that the honker was just looking at? He just honked in and then I saw him step over in front of his lanai and peer between us and Ray at something. A rabbit?

[yannadere]

daryl dixon, shane walsh and glenn rhee (separate) reacting to their s/o getting bit

cw: loss, depression, unhealthy coping, suicide, angst, hurt/comfort

Daryl Dixon:

you're scared to tell him

he's lost so much even before the apocalypse, you don't want to hurt him

trying to distance yourself from daryl doesn't work at all

he just gets worried, which comes across as him being angry, and he clings to you

poor bby has abandonment issues

it's a few days after you get bit when you finally tell him, you already feel your health deteriorating but you hold up for him

you tell him when he's getting ready to settle for the night

bc evenings with you are when he's the most calm

"hey, daryl?" you mumble, and he hums softly, eyes still closed. "hey, look at me. i have to tell you something." you sigh, nudging his arm with your uninjured hand. "what?" he groans, finally looking at you. "i.. my hand isn't just cut, daryl..." you sigh, unraveling the bandages. "what'dya mean?" daryl's brows furrow, eyes falling onto the bandages as they fall.

his blood goes cold, and he sits up suddenly and grabs your wrist to observe the nasty bite on the side of your hand, between your thumb and forefinger. "damn it, why didn't you tell me?!" he snaps, stopping to take a breath as you flinch back slightly. "c'mere..." he sighs, pulling you into a tight hug. "i'm so sorry..." you whisper clutching his shirt tightly. "sh, it's okay... i... when you go, i'll be here."

"daryl... you shouldn't have to do that..." you close your eyes, tears slowly falling. "nah. it's fine. i... i wanna do it. i don't trust anyone else to. not even you." he holds you tighter, kissing your neck gently.

"i'm so sorry, daryl... i was being stupid, i-" he silences you, moving away and pressing his forehead against yours. "don't blame yourself. i knew something like this would happen eventually... i put merle down, had a feeling either of us would go next." he gently cups your face with his hands, wiping your cheeks and nuzzling his nose against yours affectionately.

"i don't want to put you through this, daryl." you cry, going to leave when he pulls you back. "don't leave... please don't leave..." daryl begs, pulling you back to him and letting your body fall limp against his. you let out a small sob, wrapping your arms around his middle as your head rests on his shoulder, tears dampening his shirt.

"it'll be okay. i'll take care of it. for now, get some rest. i'll be here when you wake up." he kisses your cheek, waiting for you to calm down. you sniffle, holding him tightly. "i'm so sorry..!" you repeat the words over and over, and he closes his eyes, trying not to cry himself.

"shh... please... don't be sorry." his voice wavers and he hates it. "just sleep, darlin'... i'm right here." you whimper before falling quiet, resting your hand on his jaw and nuzzling into his neck. "i love you, okay..? i didn't want it to be this way." you breathe out, letting him lean onto you slightly. "i know. i know. just sleep for me, darling." he sniffles, cradling you close as you fall asleep slowly, knowing it would be the last time.

you fall asleep in his arms, but he can't bring himself to harm you

so, he tells rick, who's also upset upon the news

however his best friend's distress makes it even worse

so, rick does it for him as the others try to comfort daryl

after your death, he becomes reckless and depressed, not eating or drinking at all and becoming skinny and malnourished

he shoots openly at walkers, and when his ammo's out he takes out his anger on other walkers in other ways

whether it's stabbing them, bludgeoning them, or just hitting their bodies after they fall.

rick decides to put him under close watch to ensure he doesn't harm himself

but daryl's rather experienced in sneaking out/away, and he visits your grave often

unfortunately one morning, rick finds him at your grave with a bullet in his head

he's buried next to you, as rick knows it's what daryl craved

to be with you again.

Shane Walsh:

you got bit on the way back from gathering medical supplies for carl

and with shane you knew there was no way he would take well at any time of the day

so you decide to rip the bandaid off and talk to him an hour after your own little grieving session.

you approach him when he's talking to the small group, asking him for a private talk, saying it's important

so, of course, he's worried, as are the group

you take him behind the barn and hug him

he's genuinely confused as to why you're acting like this

deadass asks you if you're expecting or smth

you hate to break his heart

"so why did you bring me back here?" shane asks, crossing his arms and cocking a hip. "shane... i'm sorry." you sigh, pulling the collar of your shirt to reveal the bloody bite on your shoulder.

he's speechless, blinking a few times before almost collapsing. you yelp, catching your boyfriend quickly, but fall under his weight. on the floor behind the barn, shane closes his eyes, crying as he holds you tight. "shane... don't cry. it's okay..." you try your best to smile, cupping his face and wiping his tears.

"this isn't okay..! baby, you're not okay!" he sobs, cupping the back of your head and pulling you closer. "shane- baby, stop crying... it's okay." you sniffle, smiling through your own tears as you kiss his jaw lovingly

shane tries to gather himself, but his whole world feels like it's collapsing. "shh, shh... c'mon, let's get you some water." you grab his hands, trying to pull him up. slowly easing him onto his feet, you help shane back to the house. rick spots you two immediately, stumbling to help you both. "shane-?"

"rick..!" shane is clearly distraught, and his best friend latches onto him quickly to try and calm him down. "shshsh- hey, look at me." rick soothes, and you stand back slightly, trying to calm your nerves. "what happened?" rick demands, eyes steeling as he stares at you. "rick- it's not-" you try to explain what happened, when shane answers for you. "they got bit! my baby got bit..!" shane sobs, knees feeling weak as he almost collapses again.

rick processes the information, looking at you in shock. lori overhears, muttering a fast "oh my god..!" as she approaches the three of you. "how did this happen?!" rick asks, trying to support shane fully. "i was in a rush, i got grabbed and..." you trail off, moving over to comfort shane who can't calm down at all.

"he needs to sit down..." you say softly, glancing at hershel who was observing from his porch. "come, sit him down inside. i'll get him some water." hershel guides you and you help shane in with the aid of rick. flopping down onto a couch, shane can't seem to catch his breath, so you crouch in front of him to cup his face, whispering comforting words to him. "baby... i'm so sorry, it should of been me..!" shane cries, and you hush him quickly. "don't you dare say that, shane walsh." you scold, pulling him into a tight hug.

"never blame yourself for my death. i wouldn't rest easy if you did." you sigh, smoothing his hair and kissing his temple. rick stands anxiously nearby, and you sense his worry. "sit, rick. relax... i've got this." you nod at him, and he nods stiffly, taking a seat of his own when lori pipes up. "when do you think you'll turn?" she asks, and you freeze. "lori-!" "i'm just thinking ahead, rick!"

shane becomes more distraught by her words, clinging onto you tightly. "shh, it's okay... i'm here, bubs." you sigh, cradling him impossibly closer. "the hell's goin' on?" maggie asks, confused as ever. "not now, please..." rick sighs, rubbing a hand over his face. "right..." she mumbles, leaving as hershel comes back with some water. "here, drink some of this, son." he nods, giving the glass to you so shane could take it.

after taking a few sips, shane goes back to codding you, slowly winding down. "there you go, just breathe." you smile, kissing him gently. "i'm sorry i couldn't protect you..!" shane hiccups, nuzzling your neck. "shh. don't say that..!" you sigh, holding him tighter. your boyfriend whines softly, and rick closes his eyes with a pained sigh.

you last a few more days before turning, spending your time slowly becoming more sick with shane next to you all the while.

when you turn, shane is devastated, holding your head as you stare up at him with discoloured eyes

he ignores how you try to bite him after a few minutes of your brain losing all memory of him, and his tears drip down onto your face

rick walks in, and sighs. he knew it would happen eventually... everyone did.

shane holds you for a few minutes. you were slowly gaining strength but he was always stronger.

the room is silent except for you little noises, and shane finally accepts this fate when rick puts a hand on his shoulder.

"let me do it..." his best friend gruffly says, and shane shakes his head. "leave 'em be, rick... just for a little while longer..." shane begs, and rick sighs, looking away briefly.

"you know i can't do that. if you or anyone get bit-" "rick, i am asking you nicely. leave."

he spends a few days with you in walker form, and it scares everyone. lori tries to convince him that you're not there anymore, a hollow vessel of what you once were but he wont buy it.

he loves you too much to believe anything like that, or hurt you. to him, you're still his darling, his everything who held him when times got tough.

you scratch at his arms, not even breaking skin due to your blunt nails, and he doesn't mind.

finally, with a few kisses around your pale, sunken face, and a final kiss to your lips that he forced closed- shane raises his gun.

he hesitates, letting you get the jump on him, but he grabs your jaw before you can do anything

the sudden commotion makes rick fly in, only to see you lifeless once more in shane's arms.

Glenn Rhee:

unlike the other two, he watches you get bit.

he's completely distraught as the rest of the group fight off the walkers whilst he makes his way to you

he rams the zombie with all his strength, knocking it down before shooting it

you've collapsed, sat back against the car door as blood seeps from your cheek, whimpering in pain and holding the gash with your blood-soaked hands.

he's crying before he knows it, dropping down next to you and carefully covering your cheek with his shaky hands.

he tries to reassure you, and himself, that you'll be fine and won't get infected,

but the sad look in your eyes confirm that you're not making it to the date he wanted to take you on tomorrow

as you slowly bleed out, he tries to tell you stories, to keep himself calm as you slowly die.

"hey, remember when..?" you're not paying attention, just admiring him as you move your hands to cup his face.

"i love you.." you croak with a small smile, and he smiles sadly, sobbing all the while.

the others have to watch, all waiting for the inevitable

"please don't leave me... please, i need you." glenn pleads, and you smile sadly.

he's pressing kisses to your forehead as you hold him close, your blood staining his hands, arms and shirt

"baby...?" glenn mumbles softly, sitting with you leant against him. "i'm still here, darling..." you whisper, gripping his shirt tightly. "i'm gonna miss you..." glenn sniffles, kissing the top of your head gently. "me too. i'll always be with you, okay. when i go, i don't want you to be sad. i want you to keep going, to find happiness again, even if it means finding love in another. i want the best for you." you smile, despite the ache in your cheek.

glenn breathes out as his eyes close, his tears still falling. "i could never replace you like that..." he whimpers, fingers curling into your hair as he holds you closer. "baby, don't cry... don't cry, because i'll cry." you try to laugh, and glenn laughs too, gently rubbing your uninjured cheek.

"glenn, we've got to, y'know..." rosita sighs, but glenn shakes his head. "no! we don't kill the living..!" glenn protests, his hold turning protective. "right, right... okay." she fakes surrender, walking away.

when you pass, glenn just knows. he doesn't even look at you. he can't bring himself to.

however, when you turn, he doesn't even bother to restrain you, just holding you close as you bite into his neck.

abraham shouts in alarm, shooting you instantly, and glenn cries as you fall, cupping your face and leaning down to press his forehead against you.

the group is distraught, but glenn just lets everything happen, telling them to leave him be, move on.

abraham gives him a spare pistol, and glenn takes it with a nod.

the group leaves, and glenn knows what he has to do. so, he opens the car door, slipping you into the car easily

he gets in himself, closing the door so walkers wouldn't chew on you or him.

alas, glenn admires the gun before pressing it to his chin.

[absolutelyfizzing]

unwanted feelings

james potter x reader

description - You'd had a crush on James Potter for years and when he kisses Lily Evans in front of you, you are heart broken. Later you find that he didn't actually feel as you expected and he explains himself.

warnings - some angst, unsure reader, fem pronouns, self doubt, negative self talk, not eating for a day cause reader is avoiding someone

word count - 2800

A/N - so this one isn't my best work by far but i wrote it so looks like its getting posted. i don't know why all of my reader inserts lately are so fem and sort of bubbly, i guess it's sort of what i'm aiming for for myself right now but i'm sorry if it maybe isn't coming off as relatable.

MASTERLIST

Your throat tightened in anxiety as you watched James zoom around the pitch. He was reckless when he was playing quidditch and it was one of the things that made him great at the game and an excellent captain. It was also the thing that nearly gave you a heart attack every time you watched him play. You went to every one of his games and you always wore something of his with his colors when you were in the stands. You were stood up on your seat and a slightly bored looking Remus sat to your right, reading from a book you didn't recognize. You'd thought that Sirius playing would be enough to keep him interested but sports was just not something he enjoyed watching. You were usually that way as well but whenever James was playing, suddenly you were the most intent spectator in the stands.

You were more worried than you should have been. More worried than what was appropriate for a friend to be. That's what you were, friends. That had been reinforced many times by the shaggy haired boy and you tried desperately to get it through your head before you embarrassed yourself one of these days. Sometimes though, you just couldn't help it.

Really you might have thought he reciprocated if you didn't know any better. You often got comments on what an attractive couple you guys were but each time it was quickly corrected by James. Normally along the lines of 'Oh god no, we are just friends. Purely platonic' , sometimes followed by a shudder or a gag even. It upset you every time to no end but you played along. You rarely, if ever, contributed to the shooting down of any feelings but that was never noticed by the man you had feelings for.

You'd had a crush on him since you were probably in your second year and now you were coming to the middle of your seventh. There were a million times that you almost said something but every time there was a reminder that you were not the one he had eyes for. It usually took the shape of disgust at the thought of dating you or commentary as he pined over the Evans girl who you felt you could never compete with. How could you when she was just perfect. You saw her to the left of you as she stood in the stands as well and your hands shook with insecurity before looking back toward the game. Your heart raced nearly as quickly as James did around the pitch and you prayed that the snitch would be caught soon so that you could get rid of the stress surrounding you. You felt a hand on your right shoulder and you looked over to find Remus had stood and was looking at you caringly.

"Are you alright, Y/N?" He asked softly and you tried your very best to soften your gaze and calm your stance so you appeared less concerned with someone that you shouldn't have that much interest in in the first place.

"Of course I am. When am I not?" You smiled before looking out at the pitch.

"When youre watching the guy you're in love with play a dangerous game that you don't like." He stated simply in response to the question you meant to be rhetorical and your eyes widened.

"I don't know what youre talking about." You nearly whispered and Remus smiled.

"I'm not gonna tell anyone Y/N but its not exactly subtle. It probably doesn't help that I know the look on your face because it's how I feel too watching Sirius play." He was still smirking but your anxiety was far from eased.

"Oh god, does he know?" You asked scaredly, terrified that the answer would be yes and you would have to stop spending time with him.

"Shockingly, no." You sighed out in relief but Remus continued. "You should tell him though or else he might end up moving on."

"What do you mean? There's nothing for him to move on from. Everyone knows he's in love with Evans and he has made it pretty clear that he is opposed to being anything more than a friendly relationship with me." You choked out, struggling with the words leaving your lips but knowing them to be true.

"I mean he has a minor crush on Evans but it's nothing compared to the annoyingly huge crush he has on you. He's probably just overcompensating for the fact that he's insecure and doesn't want you to reject him."

"Why are you telling me this?" You asked sincerely. You were friends with Remus as you were with the rest of the marauders but it was nothing compared to the friendship they held within their group. You knew Remus was more loyal to James than to you so you couldn't understand why, if it was true, Remus would be telling you at all.

"Because he is trying desperately to move on seeing as he is under the impression that you aren't into him and I'd hate to see him throw something away that could be really good for him." Remus smiled gently and you looked at him gratefully.

"I really appreciate you telling me and all but I just don't think I can believe you. I can't even count how many times he has made a big show of not liking me. I love him too much to ruin what we have and I know that if I confessed and it went bad that I would lose him all together. I would rather have him in my life in a way that hurts than not have him in it at all." You stated sadly and Remus sighed but nodded in understanding.

"I get it but just know that I'm being honest and pretty soon he is going to give up on it. I just want to see you both happy but if its too big of a leap, I understand. That's exactly the excuse he tells the rest of us too."

Suddenly cheers erupted from the stands, cutting your conversation with Remus off as everyone ran to rush the pitch. The snitch had been caught and gryffindor won. You were excited for James but you were also a little terrified to walk onto the pitch to see him with the now conflicted thoughts running through your head. Your thoughts were stopped by the image in front of you which was causing the whole crowd to cheer. James had pulled Lily Evans into a kiss in his excitement and your heart stopped. You felt nausea rise in your throat and Remus caught your eye with a sympathetic look. You didn't look at him for longer than a second and you ran off the pitch with tears streaming down your face. You found your way up to your dorm, pushing yourself to get there quickly before the common room filled with students celebrating their victory. James was always one to love attention so he would be getting crazy after the game which he did just about every time they won.

When you made it to your bed, you hurried under the covers, throwing the shirt you were wearing which belonged to James onto the floor. You felt your heart clench at the despair you felt. You wanted to be upset at Remus for getting your hopes up but you knew he was sincere in his want to help. Still you felt that you would probably not be able to face James in the weeks to come. Maybe, given a little time, you could be around him and not be upset at the world for taking away your chance with him. As you laid in your bed, you stared at the ceiling. You felt tears streaming down your face and you grew angry at yourself. He didn't owe you anything, he wasn't into you. That wasn't his fault and it was so unfair of you to expect anything more from him when your feelings were not his responsibility.

You weren't sure how long you laid there but you could hear the party start and end in the common room. It must have been late. Sleep wouldnt come though, you could just feel your heart continue to break and you were stuck in a loop of self pity. You made the decision that the following days would be spent away from James if you could at all help it. That was probably what he wanted anyway and it was the only way that you would get over the pain you were feeling. At some point your roomates entered your dorm and sleep overtook you for a few restless hours.

When you woke up, the sun was barely on the rise. You hurried up and got dressed and ready. You were planning on getting to breakfast early to avoid running into any of the marauders. You found your plans were not going how you wanted when you entered the great hall to find a head of red hair next to a mop of black. Your throat tightened and you quickly moved to turn and head out of the great hall. You heard a familiar voice call your name but you rushed out before you could give it too much thought. You knew that if you let him try to convince you, you would end up having a very upsetting breakfast with your best friend and his new lover. You would rather avoid breakfast.

Throughout the day, avoiding James was proving to be harder than you had thought it would be. You had many of your classes with him and you even sat next to him in a few. He was insistently trying to get you to open up about why you were suddenly so closed off to him but you remained shut off, reassuring him that nothing was wrong and you were just a little tired from the game the day before. You avoided lunch for the same reason as you had avoided breakfast and you felt yourself starting to get a bit lightheaded. Your afternoon was spent avoiding James but soon he was preoccupied with Lily anyway.

You were hid in a corner of the library when a cough alerted you of someone's presence. You looked up to find the very eyes you hadn't wanted to see.

You pushed it down with a gulp and smiled a bit at him, trying desperately to keep the tears at bay but they were growing harder to hold back after keeping everything pent up all day. It probably didn't help that you were hungry and therefor a bit more emotional. You could feel the tears sitting in your eyes, waiting for something to go wrong so they had an excuse to escape you.

"I don't know what I did wrong." He mumbled while looking at the floor in front of you and you took a deep breath.

"There's nothing wrong James, I promise. It's just been a long day." You smiled and your heart picked up speed.

"Since when did we lie to each other?" He questioned and your heart stopped. You were left unsure how to respond.

"Since the truth would cause more damage than good." You spoke honestly. At this he looked up at you and your eyes met. A tear left you and James immediately moved to comfort you but you tried to move away, standing quickly to evade him. You regretted it as spots filled your vision, the lack of food catching up to you. You know that you turned a bit green for a moment because James looked slightly scared.

"Y/N I dont know whats wrong but you look like you should be getting to the hospital wing. You don't look well."

Before you could answer you felt your vision blacken and your legs give out before your consciousness left you completely.

When you woke up, you knew you were in the hospital wing. It smelled sterile and the bed was stiff underneath you. When you started to wake madam pomfrey came to check on you.

"You can't go around with an empty stomach like that again, do you hear me?" She scolded, though her eyes were soft. You nodded solemnly. "I was alerted that you hadn't been to the great hall to eat all day, you have to know that isn't good for you. I'm gonna have a prefect watch out for you the next couple days to make sure you're eating at meal times. Understood?" She asked again and once more you nodded before leaning back and sighing. You looked at your surroundings and were surprised to see the black haired boy next to your bed fast asleep. Your heart took off again and you felt trapped by your environment. As anxiety swirled around in your chest, James had woken up a bit.

"You're awake." James sighed, laced with relief. You still wouldn't make eye contact with him.  You felt the bed dip as he sat on it and you looked up to watch him put his head in his hands as he leaned over. You felt guilt fill your chest more than it already had from hating that you felt any claim over the man in front of you. You knew you were in the wrong and the last thing you wanted was to cause him any pain. "Remus talked to me." He almost whispered.

At that moment, you wished you could have apparated to anywhere else in the world. You looked back down at your lap and tears were once again brought to your eyes. You felt betrayal that Remus would reveal your feelings to James.

"I'm sorry." You apologized and you fiddled with your fingers.

"Why are you the one apologizing, I'm the one whos behaved poorly." He assures and you shake your head.

"That's not fair to yourself. You're allowed to want to be with whomever you want and my feelings should have no effect on that. You've made it clear for years that you weren't interested in me and it is my fault that I couldn't take a hint. I'm so sorry." You gushed out and tears started to fall from your eyes. You felt James get up from your bed and you prepared him to leave but instead you felt arms wrap around you and a kiss came to your head.

"Y/N I have had feelings for you for years. I was just always too scared for myself to even consider that you might feel the same." He whispered out but you felt only a different kind of pain. Even though he had now admitted his feelings, he was still dating Lily. Not you. Almost as if he could hear your thoughts he spoke quietly. "I broke it off with Evans." You pulled away immediately.

"What? Why would you do that?" You asked quickly and before he had a chance to answer you feared the worst. "Oh god is it because of me? James please dont let my feelings have any bearing on who you want to date, I can't stand the thought of being the reason you broke up. Even if we do have feelings for each other, you deserve a chance with Lily if that's what you want."

"It was mutual, actually. She understood that I had feelings for you and she said she had a crush on someone else. It just seemed like I had kissed her a bit rashly on the quidditch pitch and we agreed that we shouldn't have gotten together in the first place. It was only a day anyway." He reassured as he explained himself and you calmed a bit.

"So what does this mean." You got out, almost inaudibly.

"It means that, if you'll have me, I'd like to take you out on a date." He stated as if it were the simplest thing in the world and you almost couldn't believe your ears. Before you were even thinking you were nodding quickly, causing spots to once again fill your vision and James grabbed your shoulders to stabilize you before you both laughed. He pulled you by your shoulders toward him and he caught your lips in a kiss that somehow expressed all of the years of repressed feelings. When he pulled away he smiled at you and sat back on your bed. He spent the rest of the day with you in the hospital wing talking about all of the places he was going to take you in the coming weeks.

[marvelouslytrekking]

Hidden Injury

Pairing: Leonard McCoy/Reader Summary: An away mission goes south (as they do) and you’re left running for your life and even once you’re mostly safe, you try to keep your injuries from you boyfriend. Word Count: 1280 Warnings: maybe a swear word, brief mention of injury, passing out A/N: Wow it has been forever since I have written for Bones or Star Trek. This was kinda request from an anon for some hurt/comfort not sure if this really fits that but I wrote it in like 2 hours and it’s been awhile since I have had the ability to do that so I am proud of it and hope you enjoy it!

Just once, just one time, you wanted a mission to go according to plan. You were so sick of hearing the words “This one will be simple, just a diplomatic stop,” only to find yourself running through a jungle while being chased by the other species on the planet that hate the ones you were there to meet with.

And just once, just one time it would be nice if when things went south that the transporter would work so you weren’t stuck running for longer than your legs and lungs liked. What was the point of advanced technology if it never actually worked to get you out of these types of situations.

And worse yet, you never seemed to manage to be able to stick together, easily being split up so you were not only running for your life but you had no idea if your crewmates were okay or not. You vowed to yourself that next time Kirk thought he needed an engineer on the planet you are going to refuse to be the one. Let Scotty risk his ass, not you. You would much rather be running around onboard the ship trying to get transporters online.

You’d think that having been in a similar situation multiple times, you would have learned a few things, but evidently you had not. You turned around, trying to see if you had made any headway on getting away from the aliens but unfortunately, you hadn’t, and you managed to miss the giant log in front of you. You crashed down to the ground hard. You could tell immediately that you had definitely not only gave yourself a small concussion but something in your foot did not feel right. But at that moment you didn’t have time to dwell on either so instead you quickly pulled yourself up and continued to run. You continued to move in a zigzag, trying to dodge their spears and whatever else was being launched against you, as well as trying to lose them. Finally you made enough crazy turns that it seems they were no longer behind you.

You felt relief when you noticed a small cave and you limped your way into the opening, hoping it would hide you for long enough. Once you stopped and had a moment to catch your breath, you suddenly could feel the sharp and overwhelming pain in your foot. There was no way that it hadn’t been broken, and running for another few miles probably had done you the opposite of any good for it. You found yourself sliding down the wall of the cave. Trying not to dwell on the pain in both your foot and your head.

Your pain had distracted you so much you missed the footsteps that had been approaching you.

“Oh thank god, you’re okay.” You startled when you heard a familiar voice.

“Jesus Len, don’t sneak up on a person like that,” You scold him.

“Sorry,” He apologizes before joining you on the cave floor. “You okay? You’re not hurt are you.”

“I’m fine, Just sick of running from angry aliens all the time.” You tell him. You know you should mention the foot at the very least. There was no way if you needed to run you were going to be able to and he literally was a doctor but you just didn’t want to deal with it at the moment. You didn’t want to be the engineer that got injured on the mission and slowed everyone down.

“I agree with you there,” Bones grumbled, but you notice him running his eyes over you to make sure you truly are okay. “You sure you’re okay though?”

“Yes.” You tell him, you hope he doesn’t notice that you’re gritting your teeth.

He gives you a slight skeptical look but doesn’t push it any further. You figure he must have lost his tricorder if he hasn’t pushed it in your face already. You aren’t sure if you’re relieved or not about that fact.

You two sit in silence for a while, you find yourself wanting to close your eyes and go to sleep but you force yourself to stay awake. One thing you know is that falling asleep with a concussion isn’t a great idea. But you don’t stop yourself from resting your head on Len’s shoulder. He doesn’t seem to mind, happy to have you close.

It isn’t an issue much longer when you suddenly hear both of your comms go off.

“Transporter’s back online! We have a lock on your location and will be beaming you up shortly!” You hear Scotty’s voice.

“Took you long enough,” You tease him, not showing how relieved you truly are to hear his voice.

“Well my best engineer wasn’t here to help me out.”

Bones starts to stand up as you’re talking with Scotty and suddenly you realize you’re going to have to get up as well.

Before you can say anything, Bones has his hand stretched out for you to take. You try to position yourself in a way that you won’t have to put pressure on your leg. And it almost works, but the sudden movement of standing, or getting mostly pulled up, has your head spinning, and to get your balance, you instinctively put pressure on your foot.

You felt yourself scream out in pain as arms wrapped around you and darkness started to cloud your vision as the pain became too much.

` You wake up with just a dull pain over your entire body. Probably from the amount of running you did. But you immediately recognize that you are in one of the private rooms in the medbay. You weren’t sure your injury had warranted a private room but when you noticed Leonard sitting beside you, you realize it is probably less to do with the injury and more to do with the fact you were about to get yelled at.

“Don’t even think about pretending you’re still asleep.” He grumbled when he noticed you trying to close your eyes again.

“What if instead I just try to fall back asleep.” You countered.

“Not until after we’ve talked.”

“What are we talking about?” You asked as if you didn’t know. “How pretty the trees on that planet were?”

“No. We’re talking about the fact that you promised to stop hiding your injuries from me.” You could hear the frustration in his voice.

“I thought that was in reference to like, cuts and burns from engineering.” You tried.

“If I am worried about little cuts and burns, don’t you think I’d like to know when you completely shatter your foot and give yourself a mild concussion?” Leonard huffed. You can tell he is annoyed, but you also can hear the worry in his voice, especially when it dropped lower and he added, “You scared the shit out of me.”

“Sorry,” You mumbled, refusing to look up at him.

“I know, just please don’t hide things like this from me again.” Leonard pleaded softly, resting his hand on your cheek, pulling your face to look at him. You notice how tired he looks. You felt terrible. He had to run for his life as well and when you could have been safe and relaxing, you scared him by passing out in his arms.

“I promise.” You told him. While you knew it wasn’t going to be easy, you much preferred not to be a burden, you also knew that you couldn’t keep doing these sort of things to him so you would make an effort. Especially because you hated seeing the disappointment on his face and much preferred the one of longing and love.

[sukirichi]

— falling out of love with gojo satoru

warnings: angst, mentions of sexual content, cursing

masterlist !

when you fell in love with gojo satoru, your heart exploded like a firework.

you still remember that moment very vividly at the back of your head. it was new year’s, and you two were drunk on both liquor and the feeling of having the other by your side. it was a tough year – as the norm was for jujutsu sorcerers – but you both made it out alive.

alive couldn’t even begin to describe how you felt that day.

satoru has always been the person who stuck by your side through thick and thin like how you were the one who always went against the higher-ups when they tried to limit his capabilities. you should’ve known then, that the higher ups were just the beginning. that when once you thought their oppression for satoru’s plans were nothing but microscopical compared to the barrier his family had placed between the both of you.

they didn’t like you.

he was a gojo, the strongest jujutsu sorcerer, while you were...well, you.

you weren’t really anyone special or better than anyone. your technique was decent and had a lot more drawbacks than advantages that you had to improve your physical abilities instead to not be deemed a total useless tool.

satoru never saw you that way. to him, he admired you almost as equally as he cherished his best friend, suguru, so much so that the three of you become the best of friends in the blink of an eye. the more time you spent together, whether alone or with others, it felt like your world just hyper focused or snapped into tunnel vision, zeroing on no one else but the white-haired man whose smile was brighter than any other in the sky.

when he told you he loved you, you couldn’t distinguish which ones were the exploding new year fireworks or the drumming of your heart. you stared up at him then, lips falling open as you released a tiny breath of air, and satoru laughed. he actually laughed.

you wanted to tease him, to punch him even though you couldn’t really ever touch him just to get over the fact he had you losing your composure with eyes glossing over. “well,” he taunted then, one shoulder lifting up lazily. “aren’t you gonna say anything? if you feel the same way, now’s the best time to tell me. we can end the year as friends and start another one as-”

satoru never got to finish his sentence. you had jumped into his arms faster than the speed of light, hands yanking down his yukata to pull him towards you, your lips slamming on his almost greedily.

he didn’t mind. he never did.

for once, it felt as if his infinity never existed. you had both spent the night tangled under the sheets, your name rasped from his lips like a prayer. the way you kneeled for him just moments later with your eyes fervently closed made him feel like he’s the one being worshipped instead, and in a way, it was. you loved him – way too much that you no longer cared how much it would hurt the day after when he never gave you a break and kept you pulled closer to him.

you loved him – way too much that you no longer cared how much it would hurt if ever the time came that you no longer felt the same.

contrary to how you fell for him, you fell out of love with your best friend quietly. your shared apartment would still be filled with his annoying mannerism of dragging his feet over the floor as he walked, always groaning and complaining that he was hungry but never really bothered to cook anything for himself.

it felt a lot like living with a child where you were his mother, but in that sense, satoru hated it whenever you worried for him.

“you’re not my mother, stop telling me what to do!”

“stop being so arrogant, satoru!” you pointed to the barely conscious child in his arms, the first year student still barely breathing because satoru had gone out of his way again and brought yuuji while he fought a special grade curse. “you may be strong, but not everyone around you is capable of handling what you can! stop dragging people into your mess and start using your goddamn brain for once!”

“you don’t know anything, so shut the hell up.”

you scoffed, hands placed on your hip while you blinked back the angry tears that threatened to fell. you worried for yuuji, you really did, but in reality, you just couldn’t handle seeing gojo pushing himself to his limits and coming back home more wounded than the night before.

“i’m just worried for you, satoru. i don’t want you getting hurt.”

“i’m the strongest,” was all he said – was what he always kept saying. “i’m not going to get hurt.”

“you may not,” you reply stiffly, “but what about me? don’t you think about me? don’t you think about how much it hurts me to see you this way?”

you told yourself you hated him. you hated how arrogant he got. it was good he was confident of his abilities and prided himself of such an honourable title, but satoru was human. he was bound to fall at some point.

eventually, you got too tired.

it was too tiring to keep waiting for him to come home unscathed. you were assigned different missions all the time. satoru would always be working overseas while you mostly helped train the kids and exorcised curses from time to time; no missions that were as dangerous as his.

in the dead of the night, when you were turned away from him in your bed that had already gotten so cold from his usual absence, satoru would slip beside you as silently as he could. the morning afterwards would always be the same: good morning, did you sleep well? he knew the answer. he knew you never slept well without him, but he’d ask just to be nice, and it wouldn’t take too long before you’re both late to work because he missed you too much from being away all the time that he wanted to feel you clamp around him one more time.

it was tiring. too tiring.

that heavy weight never left your shoulders. you cried yourself to sleep far too much that you’d lost count – until you reached a point you just felt nothing. the bed no longer felt cold – just empty. his side always remained untouched, his chair in the dining table barely used, and you’ve gotten so used of washing only your plate and utensils that you wondered if satoru had ever been there.

you wondered if it was a coping mechanism; that maybe you could just no longer handle the pain of having to worry about him every damn night and he’d never care enough to at least be a little more careful, and this was why you just stopped missing him, which was why you just started enjoying the silence in your apartment a little bit more than you should.

but if it was a coping mechanism...why did you feel a lot freer and happier in his absence? instead of it feeling like you were supposed to be distracted, you felt awakened. alive.

alive in the same way he told you he loved you while the skies painted different hues of red, blue, green, and yellow in the darkness that bore witness to your souls connecting that night – the same sky that was now patiently watching as your souls split in half and formed itself whole all over again.

contrary to how you fell for him, you fell out of love with your best friend quietly.

there was no longer someone singing made up songs in the shower. there would no longer be that sound of an annoying loud kiss down the bride of your neck or the smacking of his palm on your ass when he wanted to piss you off.

you fell out of love him so silently that when he crawled next to you that night, you didn’t even hear him. and for the first time in a long time, you slept well the moment he left before the sun stretched its wings across the horizon. when you were greeted by nothing but your own pair of slippers outside your bedroom and not even a post it note to tell you he’d already left for work, a smile tugged on your face.

you made your breakfast in peace. satoru no longer dared to come back home if he was injured because he knew you wouldn’t care enough to fix him up.

although of course you would, but nothing ever beats in your heart for him anymore when you dab the disinfectant across his cut lips. satoru would catch your wrist then to tug you to him slowly, empty eyes staring back at his sky blue ones.

“thank you. for patching me up.”

“you’re welcome,” you’d smile, climbing off his lap while closing the first aid-kit. “go get changed. i’ll cook something up for you.”

it was a silent, empty routine. satoru would thank you for fixing him up because he was never every sorry for worrying you. he’d keep being reckless again and again until he reached a point you no longer cared for him enough to say goodbye to him with a kiss and the slow, tender promise of be safe – i’ll wait for you to come home.

you still kiss him – more out of habit than anything – but you’ve changed.

i’ll see you tonight.

it was empty, silent, completely different from the fireworks he’d ignited within you when he told you he loved you. satoru wasn’t dumb, and he didn’t need his six eyes to see that you’ve grown too comfortable over the large space between you and him between the sofa, almost as if him being away was what felt home for you.

he was never a confrontational man; he hated each waking moment that lead to this, but he had to do it. he needed to do it – to set you both free.

when the commercials started playing, satoru lowered the volume down, voice low and serious as he turned to you. you easily picked up on the sudden tension in the room – the first thing you’ve felt ever since you’ve fallen out of love with him – yet nothing changed. when satoru sighed, your heart didn’t ache.

“well,” he chuckled nervously as he leant back to his side, “things have changed, don’t you think?”

“yes.” there was no point denying it. you knew it – he felt it.

“what do we do now?”

you had no answer to his question. despite the fact you no longer looked at him the same way, not once had it crossed your mind to leave your apartment. not because you wanted to hold on as much as possible to whatever memories you shared under this roof, but simply because you didn’t know where else to go.

it wasn’t like it made a difference anyway. satoru barely came home, and when he did, he made his presence as scarce as possible that you could no longer tell what difference it would make if he was here or not.

“i don’t know,” you admitted, knees hugged to your chest. “what do you want to do?”

his answer came in the form of opened doors. you leant against the doorframe, watching as nanami and even yuuji came to help satoru move his stuff out of the apartment. he found a better place somewhere in the upstate, somewhere much closer to bars and clubs – which you know he thoroughly enjoyed it prior to meeting you – and your mind immediately went back to the time you and satoru first moved in.

it proved to be a difficult task. you both wanted to move in and finish unpacking as soon as possible, but satoru was too eager to christen each part and corner of the house that you both ended up making more mess.

nights spent tucked into each other because the heater was broken and you were both too tired to sleep anywhere except the uncomfortable mattress played like a broken record in your mind. satoru’s laughter echoed when nanami complained that he should stop spending money on souvenirs so he could’ve hired professionals to help him move out instead, your head snapping up at the source of that carefree, sweet laugher that always had butterflies erupting in your stomach.

as if feeling your gaze on him, satoru’s eyes flitted to where you stood. when he smiled, you could tell each genuine apology rang behind it – all the words he never got to say staying like a broken glass that kept cutting him over and over again.

he loved you. he still loves you.

and maybe, tucked away in the deepest parts of your heart that no longer felt fond of him the same way it did before, still held a little compassion enough for this man you once wanted to spend your life with.

you weren’t unkind. you didn’t need to love someone to know when to forgive them, but just for this moment, just for him, you could pretend to for one last time.

smiling up at him with your eyes crinkled and the last bits of adoration for everything about him gleamed through your lashes just before it slipped away into nothingness. it was enough. it was enough for satoru to know he’d been forgiven, and it was enough for him to finally set you free.

the next time you saw him at school, there were no longer fireworks.

your heart was at peace.

[jjongsdingleberry]

🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸

𝙖 𝙘𝙤𝙢𝙛𝙤𝙧𝙩𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙗𝙚𝙙𝙩𝙞𝙢𝙚 𝙨𝙢𝙪𝙩 𝙨𝙩𝙤𝙧𝙮 𝙬𝙞𝙩𝙝 𝙠𝙞𝙢 𝙟𝙤𝙣𝙜𝙝𝙮𝙪𝙣 (𝗦)

reader is gn, mild smut, lots and LOTS of fluff and aftercare, pet nicknames (such as baby, bubba, etc)

—

Content warning and disclaimer:

This story contains smut. If you’re under the age of 18 or/and is uncomfortable with these kind of stories, kindly click off. Before you intend to send me an angry paragraph, please note that this is NOT made for malicious intent at all. This was made for those who’s coping in a way that is more leaning towards the “horny” end of the spectrum. This story shouldn’t make people feel alone or discomfort, rather it should help them go though such difficult times or allow them to guide through their sexuality without feeling ashamed.

Let’s get on with the story, shall we?

—

“Hey.” He finally spoke to you after he saw your head peek out of the covers as he sat down at the corner of the bed.

“I heard that you haven’t been feeling good. Is everything alright?” And with that, you finally closed the laptop that was on your thighs and went to hug him. Tears poured down your eyes as you felt your cold, squishy boyfriend after what it felt like weeks.

“I… I miss you…” You quietly muffled since your head was on his chest.

“Hm?” He replied. “I can’t hear you, baby. Can you speak up a little more?”

You wanted to burst out and scream, but you didn’t want to worry Jonghyun too much. Although he knew about bits of it and reassured you that he would love you no matter what, this thing would be the only thing you would keep from him. You felt embarrassed, disgusted and horrified at the same time. You wanted to do something about it, but that something shouldn’t mean talking to Jonghyun about it.

“It’s fine, bubba. I’ll make you tea before you sleep.* You got out of the bed to go down to the kitchen - hoping that you could leave him and try to reflect on the very thing that was bothering you. You couldn’t itch your head about it, which it almost made you want to scratch so much that you puke. Every time you relive it, you would feel a tingling sensation in your head. Soon, it would turn worse to the point where you could feel your brain making those squiggles that you would do at secondary school. Your face was about to puff up like a tomato, your eyes were swirling like you was dancing in a ball with the same person who caused you stress and the slow, but an unsettling fluctuation into darkness.

The next time Jonghyun would see you was on the very floor with the kettle just finished its little click to confirm its termination and your phone was still on. Your eyes were still frozen shut, so he used your phone to call an ambulance.

Throughout the whole ride, you was still unconscious - and all you had was Jonghyun holding your weak, unresponsive hands and warming it up with his. His tears falls to his cheeks as he chats to you that you’ll be fine and that you’ll come home with his arms always around you the entire time.

After about 2 hours, you finally woke up. Luckily, nothing bad happened. It was just your blood pressure going up.

“Ohhh…” You groaned. “W-where am I?”

“You’re at the hospital.” Jonghyun replied. “But you seem fine so we may go the same day.”

“B-but- I’m not sick-” You whined out of fear. You had always been scared of going to the doctors. Since you was very young, you had always think that doctors would hurt you and take you away from everyone you knew and loved if you stayed long enough.

“Baby… you’re not sick, but the doctors are here to check if you’re ok, honey. You’ll be fine, I promise.” Jonghyun held your hand again, and you took your other hand with his. “I promise they don’t hurt you, baby. If they do, please let me know, but I doubt they would anyways. They’re very sweet people with lots of experiences and training.”

“B-but- the knives- they’re going to cut my mouth so I can’t speak to anyone anymore…” You shivered in fear as you watched Jonghyun lose it at that very moment. He knows that you wanted to leave straight away, but he wasn’t told that yet. The weakness in your eyes can indicate that you was exhausted, the red, bloodshot eyes also indicated that you had been up all night again.

“Y-y/n… is it that again…?” He looked at you firm in your eyes, trying not to cry.

Then, you bursted into tears and buried your head onto his chest. He pat your head as he strokes from your hair roots to your neck. He was massaging you so well, that you almost forgot what you was crying about. You looked at him with tears still on your eyes, but everything has been paused. You knew what you did and now Jonghyun knew. You felt awful for him to know, almost felt like you should of broken up with him.

As soon as you started facing away from Jonghyun, a tingle of pain arose. He felt all the pain you had to go through, and it was horrific.

“I shouldn’t even be around you.” You said with a cold frown on your face.

“Me? But what did I do?” Jonghyun panicked. This went on for the whole night, even when you was in bed together with him. Him wanting to make you feel better, he tried hugging you from behind. With that, you immediately pulled him away as you clutch the blanket more on your side as you slowly took Jonghyun’s side off him. Your blanket cocoon was the last thing you cared about and Jonghyun doing his hardest to please you. He was a sweetheart, and he wouldn’t take anything bad at all. He made you hot chocolate with marshmallows - which you left to cool for hours with barely no signs of consumption. He made your favourite sandwich alongside with your favourite snacks, but that wasn’t enough to satisfy you. He tried to make out with you, but that wasn’t it either. It seemed like you wanted to be away from him.

At this point, Jonghyun had enough and was worried for you. His beloved partner has been ignoring him for 4 hours and he needed to get to the bottom of this. He didn’t want you to be miserable like this, and so he tried to get you to the nearest GP at the nearest morning whilst you was groaning and refusing to help him out.

“I-I DON’T WANNA GO BACK!” You screamed out of fear once the word “doctor” was mentioned.

“Well then why haven’t you spoken to me, my love?” Jonghyun has always had this soft voice he would speak in, but it has gotten much firmer over the course of about 10 hours. He was losing his patience, but he surprisedly kept it in and calmly spoke to you.

“Listen Y/N. You either speak to me, or this is for your own good.” He went. “Do you understand me?”

You nodded and Jonghyun continued. “So, what’s it gonna be?”

Finally after few hours, you wrapped your arms around Jonghyun and cried on him. The sigh of relief could be heard as he smiled at you whilst soothingly stroking your back to make you feel comfortable again. His soft heart couldn’t take how vulnerable you was and so he began kissing you to see how you would react. You finally looked up after the 3rd time and did a little peck on his lips.

“You’re alright now?” He asked you.

“Yeah… I’m alright now. I’m sorry…”

“No no no.” He said as he shushed you with one of his finger. “It’s alright. I know you had been going through a lot.”

In what felt like days, you finally kissed Jonghyun and thankfully for him, it turned quite streamy. He carried you to a kitchen counter and began kissing you in different area of your body as he stripped you off your clothes after you finally allowed him to.

“Hey… do you want to go to the bedroom?” He asked as you jumped off the counter. You nodded at him and you both went hand to hand to your bedroom to continue the scene.

—

You laid in bed nude with Jonghyun as he gave small smooches on your cheeks. Every single kiss felt like a warm tickle as you would feel a slight tingle on your body. You enjoy being pampered by your boyfriend as he gives you all the love you didn’t think you needed this entire time.

And he was the only person you’d love to spend all of your time with.

—

🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸

[definitelyseven]

hurts so good | twelve (final)

summary: growing up with Park Jinyoung was never easy and things are about to get worse when you’ve been asked to marry him

one | two | three | four | five | six | seven | eight | nine | ten | eleven | twelve - final |

You sat down quietly across from him and next to your attorney. It had been three weeks since you last saw Jinyoung, three weeks since he agreed to the divorce. You only heard from him when he asked to meet to sign the papers.

“Thank you Mrs. Park for coming to meet us. My client said the both of you mutually agreed to sign today’s papers. Is that correct?” 

“Yes that’s correct,” you responded as Jinyoung’s lawyer slid over some papers. Your lawyer intercepts the papers and begins scanning the document. 

“My client is generously offering $20,000 a month for the next 40 years or a one time check of $10 million,” he revealed. You stared at Jinyoung in shock.

“No,” you denied. “No, I don’t want your money.”

“Mrs. Park, I urge you to reconsider this. It’s his responsibility to take care of you,” your lawyer reminded you.

“It’s Y/N and I can take care of myself,” you argued.

“How?” Jinyoung finally said. “You have no job, no house. Your father still gambles,” he exposed. 

“That is none of your concern. I will figure it out. I will find a job. I don’t want your money. I don’t want to owe you anything,” you continued to explain.

“Just take the fucking money, Y/N! Don’t be so stubborn,” he exclaimed. You glared at him. “I’m sorry,” he sighed, knowing he’s going to lose this battle against you.

“Moving on to the next thing-,” his lawyer began to speak before you interrupted him.

“I don’t want a single thing from him. I’m not interested in what else is on that list.” 

His lawyer looked over a Jinyoung, who had his arms crossed against his chest. He sighed again, nodding in agreement. He leans over to the table, “I want to talk to you alone.”

“No. My client will not be speaking with anyone without me present,” your lawyer declined.

“Don’t worry, we won’t be negotiating anything. My lawyer will leave to fix these papers, won’t you?” he instructed.

“Yes, that’s right. Mr. Lee, please follow me.”

“It’s alright. I’ll be okay,” you assured your lawyer. He nods leaving you alone with Jinyoung as he helps prepare the divorce papers. He stares at you in silence as you avoid his gaze. 

“You wanted to talk?” you asked him.

He sighed lightly before leaning forwards once again. “This may be the last time we ever speak to each other like this - face to face.”

You gave him a subtle smile, nodding in agreement. “I will always be thankful for you and your family. You saved us and that will never change, no matter what happens between us.”

“I appreciate that,” he said. “Father loved you, no matter how harsh he was.”

You smiled weakly, “He loved you too.”

There was another long silence between the both of you. Now that you think of it, you and Jinyoung never had a peaceful conversation before. If he wasn’t being mean to you, he was yelling at you. 

“I know Jisoo came to see you. I know she told you some stuff,” he said softly. “I should’ve been the one who told you and I’m sorry I never did. I’m sorry I never showed you.”

You held your breath. Never in a million years did you expect him to apologize.

“I hope the next person you love, you’ll be better to her than you were to me.”

His eyes began to swell, slightly turning pinkish. “She told me you thought I always loved her.” You looked down at your lap because you knew it was true even if they denied it. “Do you still believe that?”

“Look at where we’re at, Jinyoung. It doesn’t matter what I believe.” 

“It does! It does matter. I may have never showed or told you that I loved you but I never loved anyone else. Not once,” he confessed. 

“Every time we fought, you always ran to her. You always picked her, sided with her and I was the one in the way. What else was I supposed to think?” you questioned. 

Jinyoung sighed. “February 14, 2013.”

“W-what?,” you stuttered with tears in your eyes.

“It was our senior year of high school.” 

You remembered now. You had finally mustered enough courage to confess to Jinyoung. You hand-made heart shaped chocolates for him but he rejected you brutally even front of all your classmates.

“The night before - Jaebum stayed up all night making you chocolates. I overheard him confessing to the housekeeper that he was going to ask you to be his girlfriend. What gave him the right?” he asked, rhetorically.

“He never told me about this. I never received his chocolates,” you said, confused. 

“I was so angry at him. He took my father away from me and now he wanted you! He wanted to take everything...everyone away from me!” he shouted. “I knew I couldn’t let him have you so I had to beat him to it. I had to tell you I liked you before he did.”

“Then why did you reject me?” you asked. 

“I had this elaborate plan - to make you fall in love with me, to be together until Jaebum couldn’t handle it anymore and leave. But the moment I looked into your eyes that day, I didn’t have the guts to do it. I couldn’t confess to liking you out of spite,” he revealed. “But what I didn’t expect was for you to confess first.”

“You broke my heart then too.”

“I didn’t know if I liked you because I actually liked you or if I liked you to get back at Jaebum. You would’ve never forgiven me if you found out I confessed out of spite,” he said almost in tears. “I tried so hard to differentiate the two but I couldn’t, no matter how hard I tried. I didn’t know what to do and it drove me nuts. A couple of days later, it finally came to me. I thought if I was meaner to you, maybe...just maybe I would stop having those feelings for you. Maybe I could finally stop thinking about you.”

You stared at him quietly, taking in every word he said. Tears rolled down your face as the droplets of tears landed on the table. 

“It worked,” he chuckled, bitterly. “The meaner I was to you, the easier it was to forget you. And every time I did something nice for you, I had to do something ten times worse the next time. Seeing how much pain you were in...it broke me but it always reminded me that my intentions were never pure to begin with. That’s why I always went to Jisoo. I confided in her.”

“Why did you ask me to marry you then?”

“He had already beat me at marriage - marrying the girl Father chose. Nothing would hurt him more than knowing I had you and he could never. I admit I ended up using you,” he revealed as tears fall from the corner of his eyes. You lifted your head up, staring at the ceiling as tears continued to fall down the side of your cheeks. “I’m so sorry,” he apologized. 

“H-how can you say you love me when you used me?!” you sobbed. 

“I knew it was wrong! I regretted it instantly but it was too late. You needed the money...” he whimpered. “If I could go back and change it I would. I would’ve loved you properly, cherished you..” he begged. 

“God!” you whimpered to yourself. “Why did you do this to me?! I was happy! I had a boyfriend!” you cried, angrily.

“I know. I know. I’m so sorry,” he continued to apologize.

“I’m not some fucking reward you can claim when you feel like it! I loved you! I thought if I worked harder, tried harder, that you would start to love me! I was praying you’d change for me!” you continued to shout. “Are you that damaged that you had to break someone else to make yourself feel better?”

“I was 16! I never felt the way I felt for you with anyone in my life! How was I supposed to react? Tell me! What was I supposed to do?!” he shouted back.

You sobbed into your hand.

“I know this doesn’t justify all the shitty things I’ve done to you. You endured things no one should have to experience,” he explained.

“Why are you telling me this now?”

“Y/N, I’m telling you not because I want you to forgive me! I’m going to sign the papers regardless. All I wanted was to be honest about my feelings for once in my goddamn life,” he said. 

You blinked slowly, letting the remaining tears in your eyes fall. You took a deep breath in. “When were you able to tell?”

“Our wedding night,” he answered. “Watching you walk down the aisle in that white dress. You took my breath away and in that moment I knew. I knew I loved you this whole time. It was never about competing with Jaebum. I was just afraid to let myself fall in love.”

“If you loved me so much, why did you sleep with other women? Why did you cheat?”

“Because with them, I never had to worry about falling in love. They mean nothing to me,” he explained.

“But they don’t know that! They think you like them that’s why they sleep with you, Jinyoung.”

“They know I’m married.”

“To someone you don’t love. They think they can Mrs. Park one day,” you sighed. “Stop playing with people’s feelings. Don’t hurt anyone else,” you asked, nicely. You paused, “If there’s one last thing you can do for me is learn to let go. What your Father did to your Mother was unfair and cruel but you don’t have to repeat the pattern. Learn to love the people you’re supposed to love. You’ll find that you have more people on your side than you know.”

“Will you be?”

“Oh Jinyoung…” you called out as you reached for his hand. You gripped it tightly. “I will always be on your side even if I’m not physically there with you.”

There was a light knock on the door. You let go of Jinyoung’s hand and wiped the leftover tears on your cheeks away.

“Come in,” he called.

“The papers are finalized. All that’s left is your signature.” The lawyers handed you each a pen. You scanned through the document until you reached the bottom of the page.

“I know you don’t want money but it will always be here if you need it. You just call me, okay?” Jinyoung asked, softly. You nodded but you knew you would never be calling him.

You uncapped the pen and began signing with Jinyoung following suite until you reached the final page. 

This was it. No more Jinyoung.

“If we can do this over again, would you?” Jinyoung asked, spontaneously. “If you knew what you know now, would you still have said yes to me?”

You looked up from the papers and stared at him - taking in all his features one the last time. “Yes.” You scribbled your signature on the last page before standing up. “Goodbye Jinyoung. Take care.”

Four months. Four months of no pain, no tears, no Jinyoung. You moved away from the city to get away from the fast pace lifestyle, the busy streets and the people. You were content here. You spent your days helping an old couple sell fruit and pies in a small shop by a rest stop. The pay wasn’t nearly as much as a corporation but it didn’t matter to you. You could finally be yourself. You didn’t have to worry about being the perfect wife or worry if your husband loved you enough to come home that night. All that seemed trivial here. 

“How much are the apple pies?” you hear someone asked. You scurried out to the front to greet the customer. 

“They’re $5-” you began to respond before coming to a stop as you laid eyes on the man in front of you. “I- how did you know I was here?”

“I didn’t,” he responded. “I was taking your advice and finally letting go. I gave up my position at the company and decided to move here to live a more simple life.”

“Why here?”

“I-I don’t know...this was the first place I thought of,” he mumbled. “I guess I remembered you saying how much you wanted to move here when it was time to retire.”

“You remembered that?”

“Of course I do. I remember everything you told me even if it seemed like I wasn’t listening,” he explained. “So how much are the pies?”

“$5 each,” you said hesitantly as you handed him a pie.

“I honestly didn’t come here to purposely look for you. I know the last thing you wanted was to see me. I can leave if it bothers you,” he offered.

“No...who am I to not allow you to be here.”

“Okay then. I’ll see you around then,” he smiled before waving goodbye.

You returned the smile and watched him drive away. You thought you would be angry seeing him; maybe even feel hurt. But nothing. You didn’t feel any of those things. In fact, your heart raced at the sight of him. 

Maybe this was fate. Maybe it was God’s way of telling you this is your second chance. 

Whatever it was, no matter how it ends this time, you knew it wasn’t going to hurt as much as the first. 

[fandom-imagines]

A bad case of jealousy

Fandom: Overwatch

Pairing: Jealous!Hanzo x Jealous!Reader

Words: 2k 

Warnings: Like one swear word. 

“Isn’t he incredibly handsome?” One of the new recruits whispered as three of them entered the room. “I mean even the way he dresses is handsome.”

“He really is,” another chimed in, a lovesick look gracing their features.

Y/N watched the group for a little while longer, genuine interest sparking within her as to who they were discussing.

“Hey, Genji,” she leant over to the cyborg, whispering in his ear so that nobody around the pair was able to hear her question. “Who are they talking about? Do you know?”

“I believe it to be my brother. They were swooning over him practicing his archery skills. It was quite amusing if I do say so myself.”

“Oh,”

Noticing the sudden change in behaviour of his close friend, he decided to somewhat comfort her. “I could be wrong though.”

Wordlessly, the girl nodded before standing up and leaving the room.

*

A tense feeling overcame Hanzo as the latest recruits, who he had not had the unfortune of speaking to yet, stood in the corner of the room giggling to one another as they stared at him yet again.

He had noticed them the first time they were there, inwardly rolling his eyes at their childish antics; it was almost as though they believed he did not notice their attraction to him and the way they would whisper compliments about him.

“I hear he’s single,” he caught the voice of the smallest recruit. “Maybe I should try and win his heart.”

“I heard he doesn’t get attached. Maybe I could change that?” Another said, shooting him a smile which he barely caught, attention being focused on the bow in his hand.

“No way! Surely it would be me,” the final girl spoke. “I hear he likes someone; it has to be me.”

Her final words shocked him, confused as to how somebody knew that he had taken a liking to somebody. Perhaps it was a mere rumour, or even a lie at that, but everything has some truth to it.

Too deep in his thoughts about the supposed rumour, Hanzo did not notice the girls gradually getting closer until one had their hand on him.

“Hello!” She said a little too eagerly, a bright smile on her face. “What is a man like yourself doing alone in a place like this?”

“Practicing,” came his curt response, praying that the trio would leave soon enough.

None of them seemed discouraged by his unwillingness to converse with them, however. In fact, they seemed delighted that he had even spoke to them.

“Well, do you need some help with that?” Another girl attached herself to the archer, reaching for his bow to ‘help’, but he moved it out of reach before she could touch it.

“I am quite alright, thank you.”

A look of excitement covered her face as she realised that he had said more to her than her friend, something that was an achievement to her.

As the flirting continued, Hanzo couldn’t help but notice a familiar bunch of Y/H/C-hair enter the practice zone, one he quite enjoyed seeing. However, she didn’t stay long, a shocked look filling her face at the sight of three girls clinging to him. He had never seen somebody leave so fast.

“Excuse me,” Hanzo quickly excused himself, brushing off their touch before leaving the zone in search of Y/N.

*

“Genji, have you perhaps seen Y/N recently?” Hanzo asked his younger brother as he seated himself opposite him.

“I don’t think so,” he replied. “Not since this morning. Why’d you ask?”

“No reason,” and with that Hanzo excused himself yet again to continue his search for the girl.

It didn’t take him long to find her. She was seated outside, leaning against a tree with her head rested on her bent knees, seemingly deep in thought.

“Y/N,” Hanzo’s deep voice caught her attention, pulling her from said thoughts.

“Hanzo,” she greeted with a polite, and forced, smile.

Hanzo hesitated for a moment, unsure as what to say.

“Forgive me,” was all he could think of.

His words confused the girl, her head tilting in confusion. “For what?”

“You should not have witnessed the scene in the practice range. It was irresponsible of me to allow it to him.”

“Why? It’s not like we’re together or anything. You didn’t want that, and I respect that. You’re welcome to flirt and see who you wish, Hanzo. It’s quite alright.”

Hanzo almost winced at the hurt in her words, guilt filling his body knowing that he was the cause of this. Both the hurt of telling her he did not wish to date her, as well as allowing the trio to flirt with him.

“I-“ Hanzo was cut off by Y/N standing up.

“Like I said, Hanzo. You’re welcome to flirt and date who you please. You rejected me, and that’s alright. I wish you the best with which ever of the three you choose.” And with that she left.

With a guilty look at her back, Hanzo regretted ever telling her he did not wish to date her. Not only was it a complete lie, but he also lost her friendship that day, preventing awkwardness and so.

*

“Genji, I have a mission with Hanzo and only Hanzo,” Y/N sighed, resting her head on Genji’s lap which was more comfortable than one could imagine.

His hand unconsciously lifted itself to her hair, running his hand through it which was common between them.

“I’m sure it’ll be fine, Y/N/N. What could possibly go wrong?” He replied.

“I suppose you’re right,”

“Of course I am,”

*

The trip to where Y/N and Hanzo were to go was an awkward one. Neither of the pair spoke to each other, silently avoiding looking at the other. It was painful.

Once they checked into the hotel, there was a short walk to the room, both ready to settle in for the night; it was freezing outside, a snowstorm taking place.

“Oh,” Y/N’s voice rang throughout the room. “There’s only one bed.”

Panic overtook both of them.

“I shall take the floor, it is not bother.”

Y/N shot him a look as though he was stupid. “Hanzo, it’s freezing. You will surely freeze to death before anything. It’s fine, we can share.”

A blush covered both their cheeks at her words, one they both desperately attempted to hide.

“I’ll go get changed,”

*

Y/N silently cursed herself for bringing only shorts and a vest. Had she known a snowstorm would be taking place, she would have taken something warmer. She was already freezing.

“Are you going to be okay sleeping like that?” Hanzo asked upon seeing her sleepwear. “Not that I was looking or anything! I just worry…”

Shivering, Y/N responded. “Hopefully I don’t freeze to death. Let’s just go to bed.”

Hanzo simply nodded in agreement.

*

Neither of them knew how much time had passed, only that they couldn’t sleep. Y/N was both too cold and nervous, and Hanzo was nervous.

“Hanzo,” her use of his name caught his attention. “This is really awkward, but can you cuddle me. I’m freezing.”

Hanzo, whose eyes had widened immensely, shuffled closer to her as he wordlessly wrapped his arms around her, pulling her body close to him in an attempt at providing some warmth to the freezing girl, something in which he succeeded. Within minutes the pair fell asleep, enjoying the others contact; the awkwardness of the following morning was something they hadn’t thought of.

*

Waking up tangled with Hanzo was something Y/N had imagined many times, but never had expected to happen. Eyes wide, she couldn’t apologise more.

“It is quite alright, Y/N. You most likely would have gotten sick otherwise,”

“I suppose that’s true. But I’m still sorry, that must have been uncomfortable for you.”

“Not at all,” he admitted with reddening cheeks.

*

“Welcome back guys!” Genji cheered upon the arrival of his brother and best friend. “How was the mission?”

“It was fine,” came Y/N’s awkward response, pushing past Genji with an apologetic look whilst Hanzo simply nodded in agreement.

“Did something happen?”

“It does not matter.”

*

Downing another shot, Y/N turned to her two drinking partners: McCree and Genji.

“I have decided,” she slurred. “I am going to get over Hanzo!”

“Yes you are!” An also drunk McCree cheered, patting her on the back. “What’s the plan? I’m always open to help.” He jokingly winked, stroking her hair.

“I will go flirt with the guy who has been buying me drinks all night.”

“You go girl!” Jesse cheered again as he watched his ex Blackwatch co-worker head towards another man.

“I think she may have forgotten we invited Hanzo to join us later,”

*

Hanzo, much to everyone’s surprise, did in fact join everyone at the bar an hour later. He had no plans of drinking, simply enjoying everybody’s company. But one was missing.

“Where is Y/N?” He asked, glancing towards the cyborg and cowboy who shared a nervous glance.

Both of them knew about Y/N and Hanzo’s feelings, but they also knew how Hanzo had rejected her, quite harshly at that.

“Uhm-“

It was then that Hanzo caught sight of the girl who was standing to leave with another man who had his arm around her waist, his lips on her neck as she giggled.

His two friends stared at him, searching for a reaction which they didn’t have the pleasure of seeing. Instead they witnessed him standing up, almost running towards the door which they had just left through.

“Y/N!” He called out to the girl who was about to climb into a cab. “Wait,” the desperation and determined look on his face was what made her stop in her tracks.

“What is it?” A wide-eyed Y/N asked, watching the man rush towards her.

“I must confess something,” he swallowed. “I am in love with you.”

“I’m sorry what?” She felt the mans arm drop from her waist, clearly getting angry at this strangers sudden confession.

“Look man, go find another girl to spout lovey-dovey crap too, this one is taken.” He snarled, too drunk to notice how easily he would lose a fight against Hanzo if it came to it.”

Hanzo simply brushed off his comment. “I said no out of fear of hurting you, but I seemed to do so by doing that. I never wished to hurt you, that is the last thing I would ever want to do. The truth is, I am too worried that you would not like me if you were to be in a relationship with me, it would hurt me too much to lose you.”

Frozen in shock, Y/N was unsure as to what to do, how to react.

“Hanzo I-I don’t know what to say.”

“It is okay if you do not wish to reply. I shouldn’t have said anything, I apologise sincerely.” He apologised, visibly deflated as he turned to leave.

“Hanzo wait!” The previous man was forgotten, her hand reaching to grab Hanzo’s own to prevent him from leaving.

“I love you too,”

A soft smile graced his lips as he took her hand in his own, attention solely on her.

“I am glad,”

His smile simply widened as Y/N raised a hand to his cheek, holding it in her hand as she placed a short kiss on his lips, pulling away to gaze into his eyes which held nothing but pure adoration.

“I love you, and I’ll always love you.”

[quillsareswords]

1:20

Damian Wayne x reader

SUMMARY: You're lucky you've memorized Robin's schedule: it might me the only saving grace you've got left.

WARNINGS: blood, near-death

Master List in bio

It's 1:20 on a Tuesday morning in early June.

Gotham never really gets hot, but the humidity suffocates anything that might think that's a relief. You didn't check the weather this evening. You probably should have.

It's 1:20 on a Tuesday morning. He's gonna be here. You've had mixed feelings about knowing his schedule this well in the past, but now it's the deciding factor of your fate.

It's 1:20. That means you've been bleeding like a stuck pig for ten straight minutes, even if it feels like it's been hours. Or seconds. You don't really know anymore. You're getting dizzy.

So you've leaned against the wall. Some little roof access point that stands tall above the gravel covering the rooftop. The brick digs into your shoulder, even through your jacket.

You're starting to think you've gotten it wrong. Or maybe he just didn't show today. Maybe you're out of luck this time.

It was dumb. Stupid to think that you could stop this. Stupid to think you would end any way other than alone.

It was on purpose, after all. Isolation, that is. You pushed and shoved everyone away with a friendly smile and kept them at arm's length, lest they wiggle their claws beneath your mask and expose you for every ugly thing you are.

You're a mole. An informant. Someone who plays every side all at once and somehow manages to stay neutral the whole time. You've been passing tips to the Bats for months now, means be damned. Trust was meager between you, but what little there is is mutual.

You'd hoped it'd be your saving grace. Hoped the side playing would leave you with at least one friend, even though it was the entire reason you're in this position in the first place. You had hoped your downfall would save you.

He appears before you two minutes late. 1:22 in the morning and he's late. He doesn't seem to have noticed you, a few feet away, surveying the street below him like it's his job (and it is), with his back to you.

"You're late, Birdy." Your voice comes quieter and rougher than it should, and the force it takes nearly sends you to the ground.

He spins around at the sound, hand already curled around the hilt of his sword by the time he faces you. He says your name lowly, like a warning, like always. His posture relaxes nonetheless. "You come with useful advice, I expect. The skirmish by the docks sounded quick, but Batman thinks–"

"I didn't know where else to go," you say suddenly, because you already know you aren't going to be conscious long enough for this conversation.

The effort gets you this time. Your knees, shaky as they've been, finally give out. You understand, and you forgive them; they carried you all the way here, after all. Your body turns on the way down, back of your jacket scraping terribly against the brick as your heels slide through the gravel. The noise you make is somewhere between a groan and a cry.

It rips the breath out of his lungs. Your name is in his mouth again as he drops to his knees beside you, gloved hands already pawing at the hand you have clamped around the knife still sheathed into your side.

"What happened?" he demands, and he's reaching for his pager with the other hand. "Who did this?"

You're too focused on the way your first name sounds in his voice. There's something nice about the way he spaces the syllables.

He says it again, all panic and worry, like he hasn't the time to mask it anymore.

You wonder for a moment if it has anything to do with his lingering stares and gruff get home safe's.

But then he's shaking your shoulder and you're wincing because it's bruised beneath the jacket.

"Stay awake, hey, stay with me. Batman is on his way. We'll fix this." There's a pause where he's sucking in a deep breath and you're trying to focus on his voice. "You're going to be fine."

You think it's a little funny. You managed to get all the way here, up a goddamn fire escape, but the moment you think he's got you, you lose all ability to keep yourself upright. You just want to sleep. You want to lay down and take a nice, long nap.

You hate to admit that it just might be because you trust him more than anyone else you know. You've only known him for a few months, but you're sure that you're safest with him. You're safe with him.

It shouldn't be much of a comfort, with Death staring you down like a lion on it's last meal. You won't need protecting if your decline doesn't level out soon. It's surprising what such little comfort feels like when you're staring Death down like a gazelle with an attitude problem.

You don't remember being moved. Or how you ended up in a medical bed with stiff, scratchy sheets and a nearly flat pillow. You do remember hearing Damian's voice, fading in and our with your consciousness. The words are all garbled and quiet, but you know the recall the sound.

Alfred is the first person you see. He's unfamiliar, but he introduces himself and offers you a warm smile and a glass of water. He brings you a bowl of soup and hands you a bottle of painkillers and another of antibiotics.

You fall asleep again, listening to some little body of water just outside the white room you're settled in.

When you wake up, it's to the sound of an argument. Batman and Robin. It's hushed, angry and patient whispers back and forth, but it's an argument all the same. You've heard them bicker enough over the last few months to recognize it.

You can't quite make it out. You hear your name a few times, something about time, something about healing, something about help. Batman finishes it.

Robin swings the squeaky door open a few moments later.

He stops halfway into the room when he sees you're awake.

You wiggle your way up the mattress to lean against the pillows behind you. "Birdy."

He sighs. "You nearly bleed out in my arms and that's how you greet me?"

He doesn't sound quite right. A little deflated, maybe. Relieved? As if he'd been holding his breath before he entered the room, and just remembered how to breathe when he caught your eye.

Course, you can't be sure he caught it at all, with those white lenses.

You cock a shoulder. "I'm sure you've seen worse. I'm sure I'll have worse."

His posture shifts as he crosses the room. He shakes his head. "That's not funny."

"It's kind of funny," you try, throwing the best carefree smile you can manage when everything beneath your skin is so sore. "I'm the one who was bleeding, that means I'm allowed to make all the jokes I want."

"That's an unhealthy coping mechanism."

"So is dressing up in red and yellow and calling yourself a bird."

His shoulders drop again. You think you might see a smile, but he turns his head away too quickly. "You should be more careful. I can't always be there to drag you out of every fire, you know."

You cross your arms, raising both knees to take some pressure off of your abdomen. He takes it as an invitation and makes himself comfortable in the chair beside the bed. He finds a comfortable position with a little too much familiarity. "I don't expect you to. I wouldn't have even been there if I wasn't getting information for you."

"For Batman–"

"Potato, pa-tot-oh."

He goes rigid again. "I never would have asked you to put yourself in danger like that."

It's defensive. Appalled, almost. Offended.

You don't know how to reply. That doesn't seem to matter though, because he's not done.

"And even if I had, I would have gone with you. I would have made sure you had backup, I would have– this never would have happened."

There's a certain distain in his tone that catches you off guard. A resentment, toward you or his partner you aren't totally sure.

He runs gloved fingers through slick black hair. Heaves a breath. Pushes himself to his feet. Falsely composed. "You may stay as long as you need. Alfred will take care of you."

"Where are you going?" It slips out before you can stop it. And perhaps you could play if off as a standard question—you are in an unfamiliar place, with unfamiliar people, aside from him—but it's much too quick. It sounds a little too much like don't leave me.

And you know he hears it too, because he turns back around so quickly you wonder if he even considered it. "Patrol. It's Wednesday night." And yet he makes to move to leave.

You nod. "Right. Yeah. You're, uh, what? You're over by the city museum tonight, aren't you?" You want to smack yourself. What are you doing, making small talk? He's got places to be, people to save.

"Yes." The top seal of his mask flexes when he raises an eyebrow.

You nod again. An awkward smile on your lips. "I, uh, I didn't know how to feel about knowing where you'd be most of the week, but I guess I'm glad I do. Saved my skin last night, didn't it?"

He drawls in a deep breath. "Suppose it did."

There's a long pause. You aren't sure if you're breathing, but you're sure he isn't. He looks tense, like he's torn between saying something and leaving, body angled not quite toward you.

"You can always come to me," he says suddenly. He must read something on your face, because he tumbles straight into the next sentence. "Last night, you said you didn't know who to go to. I'm telling you now, you can always come to me. I'll fix it, whatever it is."

His voice is tight. A little unsure, but not in the statement. Like a hiker on a rocky trail; unsure of his footing, but certain in his destination.

There's something else in his words. Something scrawled between the lines in thin, fragile letters. Something deeper than wounds and needing backup.

I'll fix it, whatever it is.

Your heart rate picks up, and the heart monitor reveals your secrets on the screen beside you. What it can't reveal is the way the poor organ soars, throwing itself to the clouds with reckless abandon, completely uncaring of the hard trip back down.

You still don't know how to reply. You'd like to say something witty. A little sarcastic, maybe a smidge mean. He's giving you a glimpse at his heart, beating bloody in his hands, and there's a large part of you that wants to poke it. Nothing too wounding, just enough that he never makes the mistake again.

But you can't help it. There's a much larger part of you that wails, who wants to snatch it from him to shield and cradle, because he obviously can't be trusted with it. Not if he's baring it to you.

The deciding party is the reminder of last night. Dragging yourself up a rusted fire escape, praying to anyone who might listen that he'd be there. That he'd help you. You remember thinking he wouldn't. You remember the thought hanging above you like gravediggers as you settled into a coffin: you pushed everyone away, you don't leave room for those who want to help you.

"Thank you," you attempt, and it comes barely above a whisper. You allow it to be tender. You let it embody the raw little piece of you that utters it; the piece that wants so desperately to let him in. The piece that knew he'd save you. The tender little sliver of soul who still believed you deserved to be trusted and supported. The one who still hopes for meaningful connections, even among your collection of throw-away contacts.

You can see the way he relaxes. The way he melts inside his skin, like he'd been expecting you to poke when you could have. Like it lifts a weight off of him, knowing that you'll trust him enough to come to him in the future.

"I'll be back in a few hours. You should sleep."

You roll your eyes. "Sleep in some weird ass white room I've never been in, surrounded by a bunch if people I barely know. Yeah, I'm sure I'll sleep like a baby."

He recognizes that you aren't entirely serious, but he also recognizes the orange pill bottles on the table beside you. "If Alfred has you on those, I trust you will—no matter where you are."

You chuckle, he offers you the tiniest smile, and then he's gone. Vanished into the rest of whatever strange building he whisked you into.

You should be worried about it. Not knowing where you are, exactly who you're with, who has access to you. But you aren't. And it might be the medication making you compliant, and you'll look back on this in a week and be horrified—or it could be that you've broken all your own rules and thrust all if your trust into the hands of a boy you've never seen without a mask.

[chipper-smol]

Hollow Knight Telephone Round Two: Babysitter SL

Prompt: Shade (lord) is in the midst of final exams and they’re more stressed and tired than usual while babysitting. They accidentally fall asleep in the middle of a calm spell and the god babies become worried. The next time Shade comes over, all of the god babies present a gift they all made together!

By @minnesotamidian-blog​

Shade barely noticed their surroundings as they entered the nursery playroom. Plastic clattered and they sighed as Radiance yelled at the top of her lungs. At least she wasn't screaming. Yet. The scene was set: Unn was still in a crib and chewing on a bar, Root was climbing slowly onto a chair. Radiance was knocking over plastic blocks as Grimm cackled away. For once, Wyrm was playing peacefully with a kick toy, batting at it with his tail. Root got onto the chair and squealed, raising her arms. "Big Root now!" The little blue-eyed godling squeaked out.

Shade picked her up, hugged her to their chest before holding her out. "Now you're a flying Root."

She screamed laughter as Shade tiredly walked her around the room before setting her down near some of her favorite toys. They made sure nobody else had claimed the chair and took a seat, bending over to pick up the fussy moth. "Ancient enemy!" Of course she bit their hand.

Shade winced and just ran a hand over her fluff. "Are you hungry for something that isn't void?" They spoke tiredly.

"Oranges!" She yelled out.

The teen sighed as he went to the mini-fridge with snacks and found some miracle of miracles! pre-peeled oranges. Shade pulled them out and put her in a high chair with one at a time so she wouldn't be tempted to throw the extras at them.

Finals were here and they were really taking it out of the gangly god. Why did they have to know stuff about inorganic chemistry? Why did they have to know about history nobody cared about? There were some fun subjects, but the finals seemed to even suck the fun out of those classes, going over notes and studying everything just in case. They'd been pulling long nights and the night before had been an all-night cram session-and they still had to come to work, they couldn't afford not to. They'd underlined all the stuff the teacher had said was important to remember and had written down stuff from the last finals about each teacher's usual tests.

It made narrowing down what to study from impossible to I'm totally toast. They groaned as they set down a calmer Radiance the opposite side of the room from Wyrm. She found toys that interested her, at least. Root wandered over to Wyrm, who was really into knocking at the kick toy and purring. Root settled nearby and burbled as she hugged and gnawed a plushie.

The teen couldn't help it. The kids were calm for once; their head started to tilt forward, eyes heavy. They were exhausted. Shade's eyes closed and their breathing deepened. At first, their toys were too interesting to notice their babysitter's state; but it didn't take long for Grimm to get bored enough to fly over and notice. "...Shade? Shade's eyes are closed." They landed and the four children not in a crib headed for the batlike godling.

"Is Shade dead?" Wyrm sounded worried.

"Don't be stupid, they're having a nap!" Radiance huffed.

Root looked up and swayed before patting Shade's leg. "Grown-ups don't have nap times." She was tearing up.

"Nuh-uh, they're having bad dreams and it's tasty!" Grimm clamored onto their lap.

The others joined, Radiance grabbing Unn to join them on the sleeping teen. Grimm rested between Shade's horns, Unn was on one shoulder, Radiance on the other, with Root and Wyrm curled up together on Shade's lap, Wyrm purring for once.

When Shade woke up, they were surprised by the weight on their body and forced themself to look down and around before moving. "Uh oh, I fell asleep… sheesh, I'm glad this place isn't a fiery disaster." They picked the godlings up. "You're not dead!" Wyrm exclaimed.

Root burst into tears and even Grimm joined in on the crying spat. Shade sighed and spent the rest of the time comforting them until meal time and settled them down. Time to go home for them all!

But the worry didn't leave the heads of the little godlings. "We should make something for Shade. If they're having nightmares, they might be sad." Radiance sighed. "But that doesn't mean I feel bad for my ancient enemy!" "What do we make?" Root twirled around, slowly turning in place until she fell onto pillows in her dizziness.

"Something of clay! I can burn it dry!" Grimm hopped around.

"But there's no clay." Unn spoke slowly, thoughtfully. "But there's crayons and paper."

"Oooh. We can make a pretty picture for Shade!" Wyrm waved his head happily. The group went for papers and each started to draw on the paper. "You're taking up too much paper!" Wyrm whined.
Radiance complained in turn, pointing at the color he was using. "I want that color!"

Wyrm growled and argued back. "I had it first!"

They started rolling around over their drawings, biting and clawing. Grimm gave a solid scream that startled the two. "You ruined Shade's pretty pictures!" He yelled.

The two looked at each other and hung their heads. "...sorry." Radiance muttered.
"-'m sorry." Wyrm looked away from the moth, skulking. "Start again? You can have the crayon, Radiance…"

Radiance took the crayon and they all picked up the last piece of paper. "I think this is better." Root spoke cheerfully.

It was three days later, once Shade had a solid night's sleep and finals completed that they'd returned to work. A large construction sheet of paper in grey covered in scribbles and rough names and messages was waiting for them.

Feel better soon Shade

Love you

Best babysitter

Tastiest nightmare!

Not the worst anciant ancient enemy.Shade could only feel warmth and laugh, hugging the drawing to themself. There were some days the job felt like the best thing in the world.  ------------------------------- By @tomatotimes

-------------------------------

By @loud-whistling-yes

"No."

The kids protested louder. Shade lifted the TV remote higher up, now above their head.

"Screentime's over, I said no."

Wyrm attempted to crawl up their leg in what was a rather pathetic attempt at stealing the remote, but was promptly shaken off. Grimm tried next, flying overhead to snatch the controller. Shade ducked and grabbed him by the tail before he could send himself flying straight towards the ceiling fan for the third time that day.

"Find something else to do," Shade said as they stuffed the remote deep into their pocket, much to everyone else's dismay. "Look, as much as I'd love to shut you guys up for the whole day, you've all been staring at the TV for hours now and I don't want to get in trouble with your parents."

Louder complaints.

"No, no, no. I am not cracking this time." Shade announced as they pulled Radi, who was hissing like an angry cat, off their jeans and pulled their phone out. "You guys got me last week, never again. No more TV for you, we're doing something else before I lose my money for tonight. Google almighty, what is your suggestion."

activities to do with children

fun activities to do with children

activities to do with toddlers

what can I do with kids that isn't a major headache to deal with goddamnit

Go to the park? Shade took about half a second to consider the thought before wondering why they even thought it was possible anyways. Five kids from the deepest depths of hell, outdoors? No. No park.

Finger painting? A pain to clean up, but better than outdoors. Then they looked up from their phone and considered the idea with greater thought. Grimm's wings, Radi's legs, Unn and Wyrm's… er…. Body?.... Nevermind.

Play pretend? …. If they hear the name Hallownest one more time they might just go insane.

Hide and seek? No. No no no no no. No more hide and seek. Shade was utterly sick of hide and seek. If they had to spend another second stuffed inside the closet or trying to get Radi off the roof they'll probably quit the job right there and then.

Baking?

… That might work. Sure, cleaning up is gonna be absolute hell but it's the only thing Google suggested that they haven't tried yet without horrible results.

Shade stuffed their phone back into their pocket and made a getaway to the kitchen, everyone else following, probably still trying to get the remote back. Butter, eggs, flour, sugar, oh, even some chocolate chips…

"Well then," They declared, pulling every ingredient out of the cabinet and fridge. "We're making cookies! And no, no one is allowed to touch the oven when it's hot. If you guys behave we'll have cookies in like, an hour or something like that."

The kids watched in confusion as Shade ran around the kitchen, pulling out bowls and spoons and a bunch of other utensils while typing furiously on their phone.

Cookies recipe

Cookies recipe easy

Cookies recipe for beginners

Cookies recipe for kids

"What do you guys think about chocolate chip cookies?"

Multiple chitters of approval. "Chocolate chip cookies it is then."

Step one: sieve the flour. Oh wyrm, first step and it's already gonna go to shit.

"Okay, you guys can watch this but for the love of the holy wyrm, do not touch it." Shade measured the correct amount of flour before scooping Wrym and Unn off the floor onto the table so they could see while Radi pulled herself onto the chair. The Lady had already clinged herself onto their sweater and Grimm was doing just fine flying nearby.

“You guys get one chocolate chip each if you guys behave and don’t get flour everywhere.” Shade added. “Now, Lady, hold still and don’t move, I gotta keep my hands steady for this…”

************

"Okay, chocolate chip time." Shade popped open the jar of chocolate as the kids cheered. "Actually, we’re not supposed to be eating this plain, cause it's going into the cookies. But no one actually does that so you guys get five chips each for not setting the kitchen on fire so far."

"The recipe says a cup of chocolate chips but we all know that's a lie." They added while shoving their phone back in their pocket and grabbing a handful of chips before mixing the batter together. "I'm probably not someone you should take life lessons from, but here's one thing I can guarantee you should take to heart: never follow the recipe when it comes to chocolate chips, you count that with your soul."

Final step: oven time. The oven was preheated earlier, and the only thing left was to get the cookies into the tray and into the oven. "Now, who wants to make heart-shaped cookies?"

****************

Three deformed stars, five mutated trees, two malformed cats, several irregular hearts, a couple handfuls of chocolate eaten straight from the jar, and one (1) perfectly round cookie later, the cookies were on the tray, in the oven, and in a surprising turn of events, no one burned themselves… yet. Shade grabbed everyone and made sure no one was in a five-meter radius within the oven before picking up all the dirty bowls and utensils. “Cookies will have to sit in there for about 15 minutes, we’ll be cleaning up in the meantime.”

“Don’t look at me like that, and no whining, if you want cookies you gotta deal with the mess afterwards. That's the payoff, unless you're a wizard who has a passion for baking. Then that's fair, I guess." They dumped all the used utensils they could find and turned on the sink. The sief, three bowls, tablespoons and teaspoons.. Oh wait.

"Radi, the big wooden spoon, please?" Shade called, sponge in their hand and bowls being thoroughly rinsed.

Radi, of course, was not willing to help, because she's basically a feral house cat that just so happened to grow more legs than the average feline. Shade sighed and moved on to finding the next helper they could find.

"Grimm, I know you're touching the oven, stop it. I'm pretty sure you're immune to fire but not everyone else and you're setting a bad example for them. Get me the spoon please."

“Lady, here’s a cloth, help me dry the bowls up. Wyrm, … i have no idea how you can help, no limbs and all but uh, could you go get Unn? I have no idea where she went. Thanks.” The last sentence was to Grimm, who flew over with the mixing spoon and dropped it into the sink while Wyrm scurried away to find Unn, wherever she’s napping at.

"Radi? Radi, I know you're right behind me, stop pretending that you can't hear me. Lady has an extra cloth with her, you're on table wiping duty."

*********

“See? That wasn't so bad,” Shade sent the last of the bowls back into the cupboards and closed it shut. “And the cookies are pretty much done.”

“Also, no. You may not eat the cookies the moment I pull them out of the oven. These rules also apply to Grimm because it's unfair to everyone else.. Don’t look at me like that Grimm, I know you’ll eat them all before they cool and leave us nothing.”

The cookies smelt delicious, and were left on the dining table to cool. “Now that it's cooling down, it's naptime.”

A chorus of groans and wailing.

“It’ll be ready when you guys get up. Up up up, sleep time.”

**********

If you’ve been anywhere near toddlers before, you’d know that getting them to nap in their bedrooms is a near-impossible situation. And Shade was not a person who deals with near-impossible situations well. So following the months old custom, Shade turned on the tv, remote miraculously not pickpocketed, collapsed onto the couch, and waited for everyone piling on them to fall asleep before moving them into their bedroom and pretending they managed to wrangle them all into bed.

And it all goes to plan, the Lady and Wyrm were sound asleep on their lap, Radi and Unn were dozing off on their shoulders, and they're pretty sure the snoring from the top of their head was coming from Grmm. Now, step 2: get everyone off them and onto the beds.

… Or maybe later. It's been a long day, and the couch is pretty comfy. Yeah, just five more minutes, nothing wrong with that…

And if the parents came home to see a cleaner-than-expected kitchen, a tray of chocolate chip cookies, and five kids snoring on top of their babysitter, also sound asleep, then that’s nobody’s business.

And if the originally completely full jar of chocolate chips was pretty much empty, then that’s no one’s business as well.

-------------------------------

By @astronomicartz​

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By @hollow-kin​

Shade lord wanted to take a nap. They are sooo tired, but they are babysitting 5 baby gods for 5$/H. Grimm is a brat, Radiance his sister is also a brat. Unn was ether eating or seeping, same with grub1. Lady was, well sweet and cuddly. they needed to find a distraction for the kids, what would work?

Would tv work, would cartoons work? They had dinner already. Tv had to work or grub and radiance would destroy the house. They needed to take a nap. Now what to watch was a different question, they would have to ask the kids. “so, what do guys want to watch? “Movie!” well they were all in agreement, what was good. “What kind of movie do you guys want to watch?” “Fire!” “dath” “animal” “tree” “ok. No, we are NOT watching fire.” “awww” “i do not know what dath means so no. So nature show it is then.” they go over to the tv and turn it on, then select the world around us. Lady was quick to fall asleep, on their lap. Shade lord slowly fell asleep, and grub nested between grub and shade lord. Grimm climed up to shade lord's head. 

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By @hawaiianbabidoll

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By @neoliberalsatan

A gentle darkness surrounded the shade lord. He finally felt at ease. "finally", he thought, "rest." it didn't take long after that before the darkness started to take shape and a whole new world created out of shadows sheathed him.

But the happiness of the shadows didn't last long. A new and a new sound drowned out their world and all the animals and plants took to hiding back in his head. The shade lord felt the distressed creations stir inside his mind and woke up to the sound of his phone ringing. He rubbed his lowest eyes and accepted the call

"Hello, with shade lord. How can i help you?" "Oh sorry dear, i know it's terribly late but we got an unexpected call and need to leave. Since you've babysat Unn multiple times we assumed she would like to stay with you. Is it okay for you? Can we bring her to your place?" The shade lord thought for a moment and decided he could use the money. "Yea it's fine, she's always such a pleasure to babysit." The voice on the other side sounded relieved. "Thank you. You're a life saver. We will make sure you're compensated accordingly."

Feeling a bit more awake after the phone call he started to prepare for having baby Unn over. After a while her parents arrived and after some greetings he was home alone with the baby. He walked with her in his arms towards the living room and placed her gently inside the crib. She opened her eyes for a moment after losing the feeling of someone holding her, but then closed them again and fell back asleep.

The shade lord decided he couldn't sleep anymore and made some popcorn and decided to put on a movie. It didn't even take 20 minutes before he got called again.

"Hello, with shade lord. How can i help you?" "Oh yes finally someone who answers. Sorry but you're our last hope. We were going somewhere tonight but our babysitter called off. Do you think you could babysit our lovely Radiance? She's very good behaved and won't cause you trouble." "yea, no problem. You'll just need to bring her to my place if it's no trouble"

Not even 5 minutes later the parents showed up and dropped of their larva. Shade lord looked at it a bit confused but didn't get the time to say anything because the parents left as soon as they handed her over. He closed his front door and gave the larva a good look. She was white and had a fluffy appearance. She had 5 pairs of legs and yellow-orange eyes. She started to writhe a little bit and shade lord made sure to hurry to the living room. He took a pillow and placed it on the couch and softly laid her on it. She seemed at ease and rested on the pillow all stretched out

Shade lord continued his movie, which was finally starting to get interesting, but as usual the commercial break hit. He was in the kitchen making more popcorn when he got another call.

"Hello, with shade lord. How can i help you?" "Hello, is this the babysitter?" "Yes, that's the one you're speaking with." "Great, a family member had an accident and i need to be there for them so do you think you could babysit for me?" "Yep, totally." "Thank you, can we bring him to you?" "Oh yea, no problem."

A few minutes later his doorbell rang and he hurried towards it. The father carried his toddler in what could only be described as wing-esque appendages. The shade lord extended his arms for the man to put his toddler in and felt a gentle brush of the leathery membrane. He shivered lightly before feeling a sudden warmth light up in his face, like someone has started a fire. When he looked back up the man was gone and he closed the door. The creature he was holding in his arms was unlike anything he had ever seen. 2 horns sprouted from its black head. The face was as bleak as white linen on a summer day. It seems she likes make-up because she had already 2 black lines running from her cheeks towards her eyes, eventually fading into the darkness of her head. She had the same membranes as her father and no limbs besides it.

He wasn’t even in the living room before he heard his front door being was under siege. He put the weird creature down and opened the front door. Immediately he was assaulted by Hollow, a very energetic child. He was wearing a green cloak today and it finally seemed he was starting to grow bigger than a hand. His horns has also branched into the inside. Immediately after Hollow jumped on his he could hear Pale complain about his unprofessional work attitude. Although he was bigger than most it seems he wouldn’t grow much anymore. His tiny stature didn’t discourage him from being bossy. Finally White entered. By far the biggest of the bunch, she was also the most introverted. Her roots slid elegantly over towards him and even managed to stop Pale from talking for a moment.

He took them inside the living room only to find that somehow the larva and the winged creature had somehow gotten into a fight and now both were in hiding in opposite sides of the room. Normally he wouldn’t make such a big deal out of this if somehow his couch wasn’t full of tiny needles and a chair was on fire. He rushed to the tap to fill a bowl of water to extinguish the little fire. With the attention being diverted Hollow managed to slip from the watch of Pale and could now be found in the corner Radiance was hiding. The larva figured out quickly he liked to play games and had soon enough set up a plan to make him betray Pale.

In the meantime White had climbed the couch and started pulling out the needles while Shade lord had figured out what the membrane between the appendages from the weird creature were for. Namely, for flight. And now she was attacking his horns and he couldn’t reach her. As if her flying was not good enough alone, whenever he raised his arms she would back off and launch a little fireball  All this commotion woke up baby Unn who slowly started to slither away from her crib to find food.

The shade lord finally had enough of the little fire hazard and rushed towards the pantry to get a kettle. Once he had found it he peeked around the corner only to find that fire hazard eating his popcorn! All caution was thrown aside and he grabbed her by the guts and put her inside the kettle. She tried to heat it but he added some water to it. While it evaporated quickly it was apparently enough to bring over the message. Now he could focus his attention back on the larva again, only she could’ve produced those needles, which White was making great progress with removing them as a quick glance told him.

Now back to Pale and Radiance who were apparently having a fight (Darkness, that larva really has a talent to provoke others). They were arguing near the coffee table, because apparently they wanted a fight so bad they just ran to each other and met in the middle. Hollow was climbing one of the legs of the table, but wasn’t noticed by the shade lord because he was too occupied with the other 2. He tried to separate the arguing pair but they were at each other’s throats. They even had summoned a needle and a tiny dagger to fight each other. The shade lord obviously didn’t count on this tiny factor and had soon enough one in each hand. He screamed, trying not to curse, barely not failing miserably, and Pale managed to escape. In any other situation this wouldn’t pose a problem, but Hollow, after eating some popcorn, found himself at the right edge of the coffee table and pulled out his tiny wooden sword he got from Pale. The larva, Darkness curse her, used this to her advantage and made the sign to Hollow to betray Pale. The act of betraying Pale involved jumping off of the coffee table and hitting Pale as hard on the head as possible. Naturally, all of this went according to plan and even brought some extra spectacle. After Hollow had hit Pale on the head he wasn’t prepared for the recoil of the wood and ended up hitting himself in the face.

All of this lead to 3 crying children (1 of them from laughing, the others from pain) and 1 very angry young adult. He put the larva on the couch and took care of the others while White held a close eye on the damned 10 legged thing. After Pale and Hollow weren’t crying anymore he took the little fire hazard out of the kettle and continued his movie, which was getting to an end.

After the film ended a documentary started and had all the kids hooked. He went to check on Unn only to find an empty crib. He could however see a slimy trail lead up his wall and onto the ceiling. It went through the door into the pantry where he kept his food and toys for the toddlers. He looked up on the ceiling only to find a sleepy Unn with a letter block in her mouth. Suddenly Unn started to make a very weird noise and fell from the ceiling onto his face. He swiped her off of his face onto his shoulder and then washed it.

He returned back to the tv to watch the documentary that was still playing and plopped down on the couch. Not long after he was asleep with White on his left shoulder, Unn on his right shoulder, the little fire hazard on the same arm and Pale curled up in his lap. Radiance and hollow were still awake but occupied with the documentary instead of causing trouble. After the documentary ended they crawled up against his sides and fell asleep.

-------------------------------

By @constantlost 

-------------------------------

By @bugbeee

Exhaustion seeped into Shadelord’s body, limbs weighed down by a heaviness they hadn’t experienced in a while. The smatter of godlings that lay around them on the couch, or on them in Radi’s case, was enough to convince them that they had died and that this was the Eternal Void that was created to punish them for cheating on that test in the 8th grade. In their defence, it had been on rock sedimentation.

Wyrm continued his grumbling from the corner of the couch, still infuriated by the attack on his person only moments before. Root, the aggressor, looked remarkably pleased with herself. Shade knew they should probably punish her further in some way but... well, to be perfectly honest, they simply were not paid enough to do so.

They really should have charged more. Fifteen dollars at least per tiny demon they had to look after rather than the whole bunch. Fifteen dollars was not enough to encourage discipline. It was enough for them to make sure none of the godlings killed the other. And they had thought they had come up with an ingenious plan to secure some peace and quiet.

After much wrangling, they had finally managed to set up two separate playpens, each far enough away that the godlings wouldn’t start screaming if one of them saw their rival. Wyrm and Root in one pen, Grimm, Radi and Unn in another. It was a gamble, but one that thankfully seemed to have paid off. Radi was still exhausted from the tussle she had just had with Wyrm, and Grimm seemed content to chew off the heads of the plastic Garbies they had found. Unn continued to watch, and occasionally helped Grimm execute a Garbie in a spectacular manner. It was both reassuring, and beyond disturbing. Root and Wyrm meanwhile were cheerfully ignoring each other as they both played with their own toys.

It should have been foolproof.

Unfortunately for Shade however, they were dealing with infants instead of fools.

For some damned reason, Root had decided that now was the perfect time to act up, instead of being the sweet little darling she had been so far. Her target, much to their dismay, had been Wyrm. In all fairness, the godling had probably deserved it in some way; most likely he had tried to worm too close in order to steal some of the grubpaste and mushroom sticks Shade had left out as a snack. Root had seen this theft as a cardinal sin, and had subsequently decided that Wyrm deserved nothing less than absolute annihilation.

The momentary doze Shade had managed to fall into was abruptly interrupted by loud shrieking and wailing, resulting in them vaulting over the couch to hurriedly find out which one of the godlings was being tortured.

The scene that greeted them was... well, it wasn’t any less ridiculous than some of the other stuff the little goblins had pulled before.

Using her flexible tendrils, Root had seen fit to wrap them around Wyrm, and aggressively dunk him into the bowl of grubpaste he had attempted to steal from. His shrieks and hisses had woken up Radi and drawn the attention of the other children, who were now cheering on Root’s attack on Wyrm’s person.

“Enough,” Shade declared, shooting a glare behind them, “Root, let him go.” Root looked up innocently.

No, she seemed to say with her eyes, justice must prevail.

“Justice won’t get me my fifteen dollars,” they hissed out in return, and they could have sworn that Root shrugged, turning away from them to dunk Wyrm into the bowl yet again.

“No!” they cried out, quickly whipping down to grab the poor child before he could be further humiliated. After finally being saved from his vicious tormentor, Wyrm decided it was time to go into hysterics, lashing out with a sharp tail to fully show his displeasure. Root simply watched impassively as the rest of the children cheered.

Shade wondered if fifteen dollars was even worth it at this point.

“Alright, alright, enough! Root, you go in time out. We do not waterboard our fellow godlings in grubpaste. Wyrm, calm down, it’s just grubpaste- Settle down!” they yelped out, flinching as something heavy settled onto their head. The soft fluff revealed that Radi had decided to fly out of her pen and taunt Wyrm in person. Shade wanted to sob with frustration.

The door cracked open, and Ghost peered in, head tilted curiously.

Need help? they signed, and Shade wanted to collapse in relief.

“Please,” they begged, and their sibling nodded grimly, even as amusement danced in their eyes. Shucking off their school backpack, they quickly headed over to the other pen and signed to them, bobbing their head up and down in a soothing motion. Grimm and Unn were entranced. Radi less so. She remained seated on their head, but at least seemed to have finally stopped provoking Wyrm.

“I’m just going to clean him up,” Shade explained uselessly, watching as Ghost simply nodded and waved them off. 

With a tired gait, Shade wandered into the kitchen and turned on the tap, listening as Wyrm’s panicked yelps grew louder at the realisation of what was going to happen next. Radi snickered softly, before leaping off and gliding back into the living room.

Bath time, according to the godlings, was a fate worse than death, and something to be avoided at all cost.

Unfortunately for both Wyrm and Shade, it was a necessary evil. Wyrm disagreed. Loudly. And with claws.

He howled furiously as Shade slowly lowered him into the warm water, softly scrubbing at the now-dried grubpaste sticking to his skin. Despite his attempts, Wyrm failed to prevent them from continuing his bath. He turned to pathetic pleading instead, making soft mewling sounds as though he was nothing more than a poor innocent child who had done nothing wrong, ever.

Shade, who remembered the little bastard knocking a glass ornament onto their head, was not convinced. Ultimately there was no escape, and Wyrm reluctantly gave in to the soft scrubbing, though he made sure his rumbling complaints were known.

“Yes, yes,” Shade said quietly, “I truly am the worst. Close your eyes so I can rinse you.”

Wyrm, in a dumb act of defiance, did not close his eyes. The hysterics started again, and Shade contemplated drowning themself in the half-filled sink. Fifteen dollars, they repeated. Fifteen dollars.

Grabbing a tea towel, they quickly dried the godling off, carefully teasing out water droplets from soft scales. He child gnawed on their fingers in revenge. “I’m done,” they announced, wandering back into the living room with a now clean, and furious, Wyrm.

Ghost looked up from their position on the floor, back leaning against the couch as they played with Grimm. Radi immediately perked up at the sound of Shade’s voice, and quickly flew over, making herself at home on top of their head. Unn seemed to have decided to undertake the momentous task of scaling up the back of the couch, leaving a thick trail of slime behind. Root, still stuck in her pen as punishment, let out a wail, demanding to be let out.

Shade was all out of energy to fight back or deal with a tantrum.

“Alright, alright, out you go,” they muttered, depositing Wyrm on the couch before reaching down to lift out the petulant child from her terrible prison. She clung to them desperately until they finally collapsed on the sofa. She quickly wriggled out of their hold and instead plonked down beside them. Wyrm had hissed at the sight of her, and slunk to the other side of the couch to sulk.

Grimm let out a raspy cackle at the sight, before diving down to nip at Ghost’s fingers.

Unn finally made her way to the top of the couch and waved her eyestalks victoriously. All Shade could do was give her a tired pat.

They sank into the couch, the exhaustion creeping back in. It should have been foolproof.

Fifteen dollars.

-------------------------------

By @arandoskeleartist​

[amor-immortalem]

You’re Important to Me part 4

Part 1 | part 2| part 3

Genre: angst/comfort

———————————————————————-

Chat: Troublemaker (affectionate)

Lucifer: Come home immediately. We need to talk.

Mammon: bout what? If its one of your shitty punishments. Think I’ll pass.

Lucifer rested his head on his desk letting out a groan. The second-born was frustrating him to no end. However, the first-born supposes he’s made him this way from everything he’s put him through. Picking up the pill bottle, he rolled it in his hand and watched as the contents slid from one side to the other. He placed them in a locked door in his desk as he thought about how they had been this close to losing yet another sibling.

A soft rapping on the office door pulled his attention back to the present.

“Enter,” he sat up straight as the guest joined him. It was Levi.

“Do you think Mammon still loves us. I-I’ve really been thinking about what’s been going on….. about our family. What if he leaves us? We lost Lilith. I-I don’t want to lose him too…” The Avatar of Envy’s voice quaked. Back when they were angels they were once close- almost even closer than the twins.

“I’m sure he does, Levi.” His response was hollow words. If Lucifer was being honest, he didn’t really know how Mammon felt about them currently. If he were the one in Mammon’s shoes, he would absolutely despise his brothers.“He’s currently refusing to come home, however. It’s likely that he knows what went on today and that’s why he broke up with the human we all know he cherishes so deeply. He didn’t want us to know.”

“I knew it! He hates us and never wants to see our faces again.”

“Leviathan, I never said that.” Lucifer’s voice was stern. “Please calm down before you throw yourself into a panic attack. He has to come home eventually, and we’ll all talk then- if not tonight then definitely tomorrow morning. For now, maybe you should go play one of your games. If you’d like I could join you to help take your mind off this whole debacle.”

Levi nodded his head slowly. “ I would appreciate that….. Actually, I had made this rpg specifically to play-test with Mammon but if you wanted to….we could play it together.”

“That’s a wonderful idea, Levi.”

Finally deciding to make his way home, Mammon pushed open the heavy doors to the house. The last thing he wanted to do was face his brothers right now. He already anticipated their reactions. The teasing and mocking that would be thrown his way- there wasn’t any escape for him now, was there? At least no one was here at the moment- that much he could be greatful for.

As he made his way up to his room, the demon made sure to avoid the places he knew his brothers would frequent at this time of night. Once there, he slipped inside and tossed the bag of clothes he had modeled in today from the top of of the stairs into the walk in closet with practiced precision. When he turned his head, he saw her small, blurry form just lying there on the couch.

“Why’re you in here? Ya got a room if your own dontcha?”

“I just….. sorry. I pushed too hard, didn’t I?” Arella’s voice sounded hurt. “It was just that I thought this might be the only place I could go and you’re brothers wouldn’t come looking for me. I’m still really angry with them. Not that they would anyway, not with how I screamed and yelled at them earlier...”

“And Lucifer didn’t kill ya on the spot? Its a miracle you’re alive after that.” He let out a chuckle. “I can’t tell if you’re incredibly brave or just plain dumb.”

“Maybe both…..” Arella sighed, “I… um… I’ll go back to my room now.” As she stood and made her up the staircase, he could feel the sadness radiating off of their pact mark.

“‘Rella, wait.” He grabbed her by the arm. “Don’t go. I don’t mind if ya stay…. We should talk about earlier, okay?”

He watched as she nodded a small frown on her face. Now that he could see her more clearly, he noticed the puffy eyes and tear tacks streaked down her cheeks. Now he just felt worse.

“I was thinkin’ real hard about this morning and I’m sorry for what I said earlier.” He started, “I don’t… I don’t really think we should break up…. I know you were just trying to help. That you were worried and scared for me.”

“I was…. Can I tell you something?“ she asks as he nods. “Seven years ago, I lost my little brother and then six months later my mother to suicide. One to cyber bullying, the other because she was so consumed with grief from the loss of a child that she saw no way to go on…. Do you know what was like….. to find their bodies? To realize you could have helped them if you had just paid attention and seen the warning signs? It still affects me to this day….They were the only blood related family I had left until I had found a new family here in the Devildom with you and your brothers. A-and then when you were saying all those things last night, I- I flashed back to the night I had found my brother but instead of him it was you and I-I-”

Mammon pulled the human tight against his chest in what could have been a bone crushing hug if he wasn’t careful and she buried her face in his chest. Her body shook with with muffled sobs.

“I’m sorry. I was running my mouth without thinking ‘bout what that might do to everyone- worst of all you….” He leaned down, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. “I wont say things like that ever again. No matter how I’m feelin’.

He walked her back towards the bed, letting her get in as he went to go change into some more comfortable clothes for sleeping. He joined her in bed shortly after, pulling her close as he wiped the stray tears from his cheeks. Arella moved closer so she could lay her head on his chest listening to his heartbeat, her crying reduce to quiet sniffles and hiccups by this point.

“Ya know, I think you just wasted your breath when you were yellin’ at my brothers earlier…. I think to them, I’ll just always be the family screw up. I’m already dreading the teasing I’ll get tomorrow at breakfast….”

“It had to be done, though. I think I managed to set them all straight….If you could have seen the look on their faces when I lost control of my temper and fried all the electronics in the common room or when I commanded Asmo to sit so hard he crashed face first into the floor….”

“Wait…you did what?” He quirked an eyebrow as he stared down at her before breaking into a soft laugh, “Ya really are something else, Hon, ya know that? I’ve never met someone who would fight for me like this before- who would call my brothers out on their bullshit.”

“Only because I know you don’t deserve to be treated this way…. You… you deserve good things and to be treated well by the people who you love most.” She yawned as she stretched out a little more in his embrace. “And because I love you and I would be lost if anything were to happen to you.” Her eyes were starting to slip closed.

“I love you too, babe.” The demon hummed as he started to card his fingers through her hair. As soon as he was sure she was out like a light he pressed his lips to the crown of her heard once more.

“Thank you for being here on my worst days, for being my little ray of sunshine down here in the dark.”

Once the morning came around, most of Mammon’s brothers gathered in the common room. They were awaiting the entrance of the Avatar of Greed as it was nearly breakfast time.

Lucifer had figured Mammon would be avoiding them as if they had the plague, so he instructed Beel to drag him in here by any means necessary. They all knew he was successful when they heard Mammon let out a surprised yelp and the clattering of a bowl against the floor.

“C’mon, Beel, Let me go!”

“Not until we all talk.”

“Talk? What’s there to talk about? I didn’t do nothin’ so let me go!’

Both demons soon entered the dining room as the sixth-born sat his older on the couch facing all of them, holding him down by his shoulders so Mammon couldn’t escape despite how he squirmed and tried to wiggle his way out of Beel’s grasp.

“Mammon, stop struggling.” It was a request from eldest, a chance to cooperate. “We all have some words we’d like to say to you.”

Mammon froze at that statement. Here it came: all the ridicule and teasing. He wanted to run. He was the second strongest of them, maybe if he tried hard enough, he could shake his little brother off and get away. What good would that do him though? His brothers would just corner him later anyway so maybe it was just best to get it over with now.

He looked towards his brothers’ blurry figures, a million different thoughts rushing his head. He couldn’t tell their expressions from this distance but they had to be smiling, right- ready to laugh at him any minute now. His body tensed as he braced himself for the harsh sting of their words.

“Mammon, we’re sorry,” Asmo was the first to speak up after a short moment of silence, “We love you so much even though we suck at showing it.”

“You did so much for us after we fell,- you still do a lot for us even now,” the seventh-born picked his head up from the table,“And I don’t think we ever told you how much we all appreciate it…. If it weren’t for you, I don’t even think we would still be a family… don’t forget, you’re the one who kept us all in line when Lucifer would lock himself away in his office back then.”

“I know we act like you’re just a burden to us,” Satan started, “but I think all of us would agree that life would be so boring without you here.”

“Yeah, I-I mean who else would take the time to play games with me when I’m down in the dumps?” Levi asked.

“Or risk getting strung up from the chandelier to get me the food that I want from the human world?” Beel cut in.

“Or compliment me on my outfit or hair no matter what form I choose to take for the day. Or is always there to hype me up when I’m having a bad day? Hell, you even gave up the position of DevilStyle’s cover model just for me! Honestly I think you might be the best big brother out there.”

“We know about all the things you’ve done in secret for us- the things you don’t take credit for,” Lucifer smiled softly, “I’m proud to call you my brother for that. We love you and while you may make some poor life choices from time to time, our lives just wouldn’t be the same without you.”

Mammon looks at them in a daze. Was this really happening? His brothers were…. Apologizing? To him of all people? This had to be a dream. There was no reality in which his brothers really cared about him. The second-born pinched the skin on his arm. That’s what you did to check if you were dreaming, right?

Harder, harder he pinched until the spot was sure to bruise. It wasn’t until Beelzebub placed his hand over his that Mammon realized he wasn’t dreaming. This was reality.

Tears welled in his eyes as he processed the words he just heard. One tear fell down his cheek soon followed by another then another until eventually the demon let out a sob.

“Th-This ain’t real! It ain’t!” The second-born yelled, his body shaking as he sobbed harder. “I’m still dreamin’. I-I gotta be! None of this is real…”

His brothers moved to embrace him- first the sixth-born, then the eldest and then the youngest. One by one, the rest of their brothers followed suit until the seven of them all somehow managed to end up on the floor in one giant cuddle pile, his face pressed into Lucifers as they allowed their brother to cry out all the tears he’d been bottling up for all these centuries.

It seemed they were going to be there a while- Good thing Lucifer had called Diavolo to tell him they wouldn’t be attending RAD today. That this was a more important matter to attend to.

“This stops today, Lucifer announced to his siblings once Mammon had stopped crying. “From today on, the six of us will make a conscious effort to change the ways we’ve talk to and treated you.”

“And if we get too out of hand, feel free to put us in our place,” Belphegor chuckled. “We can be blockheads from time to time.”

“The point is,” Asmodeus sighed as he hugged his brother a little tighter, “We all messed up big time. We just want to make you feel loved and appreciated again- like you’re an important part of this family.”

“We lost Lilith.” It was Beel’s turn to speak. “We’re not losing you too.”

Mammon smiled at his brothers’ words. Finally, he had thought, finally they were showing their true feelings to him after all these centuries.

“Thanks guys…..” the demon’s voice sounded cracked and strained from all the crying he had done earlier. “Even after everything that’s happened I wouldn’t trade y’all for the world. I love you guys.”

A chorus of ‘I love you too’s sounded from the group of demons as another family hug commenced. Eventually, as hours passed, one by one, they had all fallen asleep, each with a smile on their face and still huddled together.

Arella eventually found them in that state. With a soft smile she grabbed the blanket they often used for movie night and draped it over them heading back to her room so she wouldn’t disturb them.

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Masterlist 2