#that sounds a little too passive. i HAVE been actively participating in making things better | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

shinpredicts · 3 years

Text

Pick a Stray Kids Member Reading - What type of person are you generally attracted to?

How to do this reading

1. Be comfortable. Take a few deep breaths if needed. Relax.

2. Do not pick your bias! Take a look at the group photo below and pick the member that draws you the most. If there are other members that draws your attention too, then you can take a look at their readings too.

1st row from left to right: 1. Changbin, 2. Bangchan, 3. I.N, 4. Felix

2nd row from left to right: 5. Lee Know, 6. Hyunjin

3rd row from left to right: 7. Seungmin, 8. Han

1. Changbin

You're often attracted to someone who is a bit of a loner or an outcast. You also tend to find yourself attracted to someone who suffers from some pain or is in a difficult situation. Often the person that you're attracted to shares some difficult childhood or struggles with their mental health. They've generally been hurt deeply in the past. You like to be the person who helps them heal.

They're often quiet and introverted. They also are passive aggressive and bottle their feelings a lot. They are very independent yet seem sort of lonely. They're generally smart and have this mysterious allure to them. They're secretive and are sly or seem to be sly. They can be manipulative.

They are sensitive and observant. They can be intuitive or have some sort of healing nature to them. They can also be quite closed off and won't really let people into their heart. They have a lot of issues trusting people. They are pessimistic and can be party poopers.

2. Bangchan

You're often attracted to someone who is very playful and outgoing. They have a youthful nature about them. They're probably the life of the party or the center of attention at some event. They're popular and a lot of fun to be around.

They're very optimistic and laugh a lot. They can be sometimes crude or too straightforward. They're honest and don't really play games. If they like you then they're the type to say it directly. If they're into you then they're the type to actively go ask someone out.

They can be kind of immature sometimes. They also be very silly and laidback. They probably have lots of friends but have few that are actually trustworthy and reliable.

They are risk takers and don't think too much about consequences. They can be really impulsive and reckless too. They march to their own beat and don't really care about what others think about them.

3. I. N

You're often attracted to someone who says things as they are. They're very to the point and concise. They can be sometimes cut-throat. They are also very sarcastic. They're great at negotiating and debating. They're pretty logical too and you like that about them.

They can be somewhat of a know-it-all and be sort of bratty too. They give sound advice and they don't sugarcoat things. They hate liars too.

They don't shy away from challenges. They like to confront things head on. They are generally brave and aren't afraid to stand up to bullies or adversity. They can be interested in political movements or participate in rallies or protests.

They're also pretty good at organizing things. They plan for the future and think a lot.

4. Felix

You're attracted to someone who seems very cold on the outside but on the inside they're very soft. They're probably someone who likes to act very cool and distant at first or they may give off those vibes, but then once you get to know them you realize that they're very kind and soft-hearted. (I.e. They might be someone who seems to not really care much about others, but then they do notice some little detail about others and does something that makes you realize that they actually care or actually are pretty attentive.) They're the type that doesn't seem to be listening to others but they really do listen and take in every word.

They might seem like they don't really care about others' opinions, but deep down they do. Their feelings can get hurt pretty easily.

They are also very stubborn. They likely have few friends or if they are part of a popular group, they're the quieter one that people respect and look towards for advice. They generally give good advice. They also are good listeners.

They don't like talking much. They prefer listening and observing.

5. Lee Know

You're attracted to someone who is very sharp and intelligent. They seem to know so much about the world and about themselves. They can give off sort of arrogant vibes sometimes. They're very confident and they know what they want in life. They have clear goals and are passionate about their career.

They're very charismatic and often in leadership roles or somehow known for their skills. They can be like the head of student council or be in a VP role of student council. They probably join or have joined a lot clubs. They are generally pretty well-rounded and have several different skills or interests.

They can be sort of self-centered and consider themselves first before others. They are very charming and are great at convincing others what to do or believe in.

They're also very friendly and polite. They treat people pretty equally. It's hard to figure out whether they have a romantic interest in someone because they're always pretty kind to everyone. They're sort of the type that'll be all smiley or polite to others so some people can feel they're sort of fake.

6. Hyunjin

You like someone who gives off that sort of stereotypical bad person vibes (for lack of a better word - I apologize if this might seem offensive. No intention there. Just don't know how else to describe this.)--you know the sort of lead from a rom com or some kdrama/jdrama that's like known as the player or some wild type and they're super popular. You know they're probably up to no good or they're not really suited for the type of relationship you seek, but you can't help but want to get to know them more and want them to settle down with you. They might not necessarily be players, but they give off those vibes.

They're adventurous, really fun, and daring. They're full of life and they lead an exciting life (compared to yours). They love parties and love getting together with friends. They might dress very differently or they might rebel in some way like you'd think someone working in their position would not have tattoos or piercings but they do. They might be like a nerd at school but then they actually party a lot or have piercings/tattoos.

They love breaking rules. They can be strong leaders or somehow find themselves in leadership roles. They often have a lot of people who will follow them or believe in them. They're very popular and well-liked among others. They're very confident and sure of themselves. They can make decisions easily. They can have a strong opinion about things and are very stubborn. Some might get too sucked in their ego that they become too dominant or controlling, so much so that they may be bullies. Some can be violent or too aggressive.

7. Seungmin

You're often attracted to someone who is quiet, introverted, and gentle. They're attentive to details. They may be a wall flower or their presence isn't so known in public settings. However, during one-to-one or smaller groups, they will make their presence more known.

They're very sweet and romantic. They are imaginative and creative too. They might have some artistic talent or skill that you really admire about them. They're also very thoughtful and you like how deep they are.

They can have an eye for aesthetics or be interested in skincare, fashion, makeup, interior design, architecture, the arts, etc. They are usually good with colors and matching things too.

They're typically pretty innocent or gullible, but some may give off those vibes but really not be. It depends.

Sometimes they can be pushovers too and be too indecisive. They have trouble voicing their opinions and can be easily taken advantage of.

8. Han

You're attracted to someone who's athletic and strong. You like someone who is physically active or shows some care towards their health. You like someone who is disciplined and hardworking too.

You're generally attracted to someone who is good with teamwork and isn't selfish. They're helpful and enjoy helping others. They can do some charity too and volunteer. They generally like animals and nature.

They generally don't excel in all academics. They're more into sports or other things that involve hands or street smart. They have trouble focusing while sitting in a classroom setting. They can be easily tricked and they can trust others too easily.

They're also not someone who is organized. They can be messier and scatterbrained.

They're generally honest. They can be sort of simple minded. They are optimistic and cheerful. They smile a lot too and know how to cheer people up. They're very encouraging and positive. They remind you of sunshine.

171 notes · View notes

electricbluebutterflies · 3 years

Note

Hi!! Saw that promp list you reblogged, so I'm shooting my shot for Nina + Matthias with this one: 'Learning what the other person likes sexually' thank you 😊

(Also...idk if you'd accept 1 or 2 more requests for this otp? Loved the prompts but I dont wanna spam your inbox. 😜)

I kinda love them... obvious smut ahead and also on ao3.

She’s broken him. He’s not sure how much he minds.

Look, objectively the fact that he is stuck in the frozen middle of nowhere and owes his continued survival to a witch who will not shut up and seduced him more out of boredom than anything that seems like actual desire on her part is… almost all of his worst nightmares come true. But all of that established and ignored, Nina is not the worst possible person to be stuck with. She’s beautiful, occasionally funny in a way that breaks the cultural barriers between them, knows what she wants…

They’ve stopped for the night, no closer to civilization than they were when they woke up but not going around in circles yet – and he’s left subtle markings at each fishing hut they’ve temporarily occupied, he would know – and he knows what happens next, and this time he wants to do better.

Nina is, he has learned over the past few days, a very particular combination of insatiable and bossy. When she decides she wants, and apparently physical activities are how she deals with her everything, she makes herself very clear and pins him to whatever passes for a bed wherever they are. (Or, very briefly yesterday, a wall.) And while Matthias is a willing enough participant in his own corruption, he can’t push away the feeling that the power dynamic is the truly wrong thing here. A man is not supposed to be passive, even when faced with… all of that. But as it is, he’s not sure he’ll get the chance to change it up.

And sure enough, after an improvised meal of probably-undercooked fish, she reaches out. Puts her mouth on his and starts taking kisses, and he’s so powerless and so into it and-

“Stop,” he breathes, unsure if the word even comes out.

To his great surprise, she freezes. She’s still clinging to him, but not actively doing anything more. “You okay? Did I do something-“

“You need to rest,” he murmurs, adding a little endearment in his native language. Yep, she’s definitely corrupted him. “If you want, let me give.”

Nina rolls her eyes. “Are you sure?!”

“I need to learn how to do this… properly.”

The look on her face is the most amused horror he’s ever seen and oh he almost loves her for it. “I am not passive. You do realize that, right?”

“You don’t have to be. I don’t know… tell me what to do.”

She takes a step back. “Alright. How detailed instructions do you want?”

“Tell me how to make you happy.”

Nina takes another step back and shifts her body into an open position. “Alright. Undress me. You’ve seen how all of this works…”

He has, and he steps forward and tries. The buttons of her vest are so tiny, and of course she’d done up all of them, and it takes a frighteningly long time for his fingers to get them all undone. Then her shirt, also made challenging with the laces done up too tight and oh the sight of her curves underneath it is distracting and unfair and-

Somehow, he figures out all the knots and gets it off her, gets rewarded with the sight of her soft skin and pointy breasts. Even this would be enough, and he-

“Put your mouth… somewhere.”

If nothing else, Matthias is good at following orders. Even if they are given by a… no, at this point he doesn’t think she’s a witch. Not like he was taught to believe. Definitely not normal, but far more human than he expected.

Not that it matters, he reminds himself as he leans down and tries to kiss her breasts. She’s even paler there than she is elsewhere, and her body is warm and unfair. She squirms a little, but the noises she makes are happy enough and she hasn’t yelled at him so he’s hopefully not screwing this up too badly and-

On instinct, he puts his mouth around one of her nipples and licks, and her noises turn closer to what she apparently sounds like in bliss. He’s still learning how that works, but if this helps get her there…

“Okay, I was just going to have you straight-up fuck me but nevermind you’re actually good with your mouth,” she says, yanking on his hair to pull him up and off. “This still…?”

“Yes. Keep showing me.”

“I’m not showing you, I’m trying to un-repress you,” she laughs. “Undo my skirt and get me on the bed.”

He does, and without being told he knows what she wants next. Well, this may be the strangest experience yet with her, but…

The space between her thighs is beautiful, swollen pink instead of ivory, already shiny with her warmth. He pokes around with his fingers – this, at least, she has let him do before – and makes a plan. If he’s wrong then he’s wrong and he still expects she’ll get mad at him at some point during this, but until then he-

“Head. Down. Now.” From this angle she looks magnificent, and he can see her desperation in a different way. “Keep going unless I grab your ear, no matter what else I do.”

In the recent past, in the time before she happened to him, all of this was foreign to him. It was, and remains, improper for a man of his status to know too much about the sacred beauty of women before marrying one. In that way he is ruined now, and he cannot imagine any of this being so good with some equally innocent creature. This one is so much better. This one is-

She kicks his shoulder, more out of annoyance than wanting to hurt. “I know I’m cute but get on with it.”

He complies, pressing his mouth to her outer petals. He is well aware he has too much scruff right now, and that might hurt where she’s sensitive… no, might hurt some lesser woman, won’t make this one bat an eyelash. Nina is different and Nina is herself. And she is perfect, he thinks as instinct takes over and he starts to lick. Beautiful wet nightmare.

This is a first attempt, not perfection. His desire to make her happy counts for something, he hopes as he tries different things, because that’s about the only part of this in his favor. This act she’s suggested is so new, something he’s surprised she even wants, and to have his world reduced to her womanly parts is… perfect for him, honestly. He is aware of his own body responding to it, but she hasn’t asked for that yet and maybe she won’t tonight and-

As he is learning is normal for her, Nina falls apart with a few breathless noises. Apparently this also includes clenching her thighs tight enough his head hurts and more of her sweet warmth dripping onto his tongue. For a moment he’s not sure he can breathe either, and-

The pressure lessens and instead of grabbing his ear like she said, she pulls him up to her level by the shoulders.

“Did I… please you?”

She rolls over to cover his face in wet kisses. “You need to have more faith in your abilities. That was nice.”

“What… what now?”

“Do you still want to have me?” she asks, putting her hand between his legs.

As if that’s a question. Matthias has been able to ignore his own body until now, but the slightest touch makes him squirm and he’s still fully dressed and she is unfair and-

“Always,” he breathes. Might as well admit it. “Is that alright? You already…”

“Great thing about having the parts I do is I can fall apart multiple times,” she shrugs like that should be too obvious. “I am perfectly fine with it if you are.”

“Please.”

“Good. Undress for me and… I wanna see what you do.”

It no longer feels awkward to feel her eyes on him as he sheds his layers. Her expression is appreciative, and he’s never thought too much about what his body might look like to other people but clearly the only person who matters right now is into it. Years after her, he thinks, if there is an after her, he will always remember this as he looks at his skin. Impossible perfect woman almost making him happy.

And sure enough, as he’d both hoped and feared, his prick is in full form. And to think he’d expected it would hurt her the first time she wanted him. There’s no fear of that now, but a near-inevitability he won’t last long enough to give her what she wants and-

He looks at her, spread out for him and waiting, and he knows whatever he does will be enough.

Soft beautiful his, he repeats as he maneuvers his body over her. Perfect woman, as he lines up his prick. More than he had ever dreamed of, as he covers her.

She feels perfect around him, and he rolls his hips against hers and tries to find a pattern the way she does when she covers him and he is so sure he’s doing it wrong but she keeps taking kisses anyways so maybe not. Perfect, and he feels himself tense up and no too soon he hasn’t given her everything he hasn’t-

He falls apart anyways, best intentions be damned, boneless on top of her even as their bodies separate.

“I didn’t mean to-“

“Do I look like I’m complaining?”

No, he thinks as he maneuvers his body so most of his weight is off of her, no she does not. If anything, Nina looks the happiest he’s seen her, pink and glowing and content. “You look beautiful,” he says before he talks himself out of it.

“Good.” She shakes her head, her hair flying everywhere. “Are you… was all of that okay?”

She gets under his skin like no one else ever has, and he almost loves her for it and he is undone. “I don’t know if I did it right.”

“There is no right. Not with this. There’s only… what I like may be different from what some other person likes, and each time you’re with someone new you get to figure it all out again.”

“That’s not what I-“

“You made me feel good. As long as you felt good too… that’s the important part.”

And he did, he lets himself feel as they maneuver themselves into a comfortable position for sleep. Dangerous woman. He is ruined for anyone else now, and… maybe that’s alright.

#ebf talks to anons #helnik #ebf writes fic

28 notes · View notes

homestuckexamination · 3 years

Text

Selfish Vs Unselfish

Jesus. Yeah I have nothing to comment here, I’m going to read this later when I haven’t just woken up.

You know the drill. Put it under ‘Read More’. A matter of perspective it can be, but there can be an objective truth to sort that out. Let me e x p a n d on this matter using Homestuck and some philosophy. And for those who missed the last ask on Active/Passive divide, please do remember that these labels are on a continuum, not strictly boxed categories. “UNSELFISH” or UNSELFISH - The passive classes lean more to this. How? By being group-oriented. Like support classes in RPGs, their asset comes mainly from a drive to benefit others. Roxy is one of the best examples of this. While she was passive-aggressive in her pursuit of romance, she is ultimately willing to put her self aside and bettering herself if that meant making sure the group stays together. She does this by, to quote Dirk, never turning the tables to make a talk about her when she knows her friend needs something.

TG: i was gonna say why i finally quit drinkin TG: i mean if you want to know GG: Yes. GG: Actually, once you did stop, it made me finally realize it was a problem for you for a long time. GG: And I didn’t say anything at the time, but it made me wonder if I wasn’t doing the right thing before. GG: By failing to point out you might have a problem? Or just going along with it and participating in lively banter any time you clearly had too much to drink? GG: Was I just being a bad friend? TG: nah it wasnt your responsibility to fix my shit TG: and anyway i think i made it hard for anyone to come at me like it was a real problem TG: i was always joking around so much and havin a good time like kind of overzealously so TG: that i probably just made people feel like a shitty wet blanket for even mentioning it

She wants to be of use to her group. However, the downside to this is that, as passively Roxy can be, she often needs them as well.

TG: and now dirk knows that too and for some reason letting him down feels like the worst part?? TG: which is equally lame and weak cuz i should care for my own sake not for how it makes a dude see me but it still just really bothers me ???

TG: i didnt want her to meet a sloppy embarrassing mess of a daughter

TG: even if she did like to drink at some point it was kind of a childish idea that doing so myself would make me closer to her or help us bond or whatever TG: anyway i think i might of overestimated her drinkin habits

How would you know if a class is truly passive when a character just been a really selfish a-hole through the story? It’s how they mainly rely on others as well. Let’s use Aranea as the main example of a selfish passive Sylph of Light that tries to emulate a Thief. Aranea says that Sylph is a healer type of class that involves boosting others, even excessively. However, while she claims that she merely wants to help and shepard the Alpha timeline by taking control of it, Meenah says otherwise. What Aranea has been doing is a self-aggrandizing act to get into the spotlight and not sit on the sidelines anymore, much like her fellow Serket. Like Kanaya, she is meddlesome. She asserts that what she does is for the good of all, even if that means doing something others would object to. They don’t want that. But, she does it anyway.

At first, she complies when the recipient refuses, but when it eventually comes to her ultimate takeover plan, everyone else comes second. She may believe that she’s just granting their wishes, but her underlying motive is ultimately selfish- albeit by excessively “helping” others for her own cause. Aranea failed to learn what Mindfang did:

“8ut as I sit here deciding what to do with the damna8le little sphere, I understand my error. It was not in failing to chart a course through future events to turn my fortune’s tide, even so many sweeps from now. It was in 8elieving the future was mind to know, and fortune mine to control.”

Now let’s use Rufioh and compare him to Roxy. Both of them are Rogues. Both of them are group-oriented characters that act selfishly from time-to-time. The difference is that Rufioh is more selfish. He’s extremely affable to the point of being a doormat to please others all while trying to be polite about romantic advances despite being a flirt himself. He’s reluctant to voice his own reason that he wants to leave his matespritship with Horuss. Sounds familiar? He’s the Jake of the love triangle. Rufioh cheated on Damara and never takes responsibility from it, focusing on Damara being a crazed scorned girl.

Passive players that fail to balance supporting others and fulfilling their own desires often end up being thrown in a loop. Forcing your solution solution on others for 'their own good’ is selfish. Your concern on how others perceive you may be sprouted from your own insecurity. Whenever you make a donation to the less fortunate, how can you be certain it’s not without the purpose of staving off guilt, doing it because it simply aligns with your moral code, or because it feels good?

AG: I decided not to, 8ecause I didn’t want to 8e the one to make you sad about it.

AG: Was that selfish of me? I dunno.

It’s a gem to see volunteers whose instincts are to help people to make life more bearable, mind you. But they’re also doing that because they want to see them better and it’s often their own desire to do so and fulfill that dream.

ENLIGHTENED VS UNENLIGHTENED SELFISHNESS

-I’ve rambled on this a bit. Here’s a recap:

*Unenlightened Selfishness is… pretty much the archetypal self-centeredness that makes people jerks. It’s whenever you do something for yourself with little to no regard to other people’s desires. It’s the greedy shark hoarding all the treasure. It’s when you try to justify your actions with a perspective of “everyone else is selfish, so I’m entitled to be an asshole to everyone too”.

*Enlightened Selfishness or Enlightened Self-Interest is the opposite. It’s when you respect that everyone has their own wants and needs by compromising and coinciding them with your own. It’s like a deal. It’s the Golden Rule. You scratch my back, I scratch yours. It’s when you do things for other people for the good you’ll get from it, even when the payment is simple politeness and being generally nice. Society expects each individual to benefit the community in turn by working. We work with the expectation that others work for us. Unlike the first, this form of self-interest benefits both parties. Another term is Selfish Altruism.

We see an exercise of selfishness burning brightly through Vriska’s arc.

(VRISKA): I’m not a loser though! (VRISKA): I LIKE who I’ve 8ecome. (VRISKA): I actually feel happy and good a8out my life for the first time in… may8e forever?? (VRISKA): Like, ACTUALLY good a8out my life in a way that feels real, instead of forced. Don’t you realize that’s what it was like for us? VRISKA: You don’t have a life! VRISKA: You’re DEAD, remem8er? VRISKA: I’m the one with the life! VRISKA: And I fully intend to use it in a relevant and constructive way to help 8ring an end to all the horri8le shit that’s 8een going on for way too long. VRISKA: Remem8er when you used to care a8out that sort of thing? VRISKA: No, o8viously not. VRISKA: All you care a8out now is 8ullshit hipstery fashion trends, feeling “happy”, and… whatever the fuck it is you’re doing here? VRISKA: Frolicking with some horses in an ugly field or some shit. VRISKA: Just a8solutely disgraceful. VRISKA: How could I have 8ecome so selfish??

Vriska is accusing (Vriska) for being selfish despite being selfish herself. Remember her popular hero quote?

VRISKA: I only ever wanted to do the right thing no matter how it made people judge me, and I don’t need a magic ring to do that. VRISKA: You don’t have to 8e alive to make yourself relevant. VRISKA: And you don’t have to 8e a good person to 8e a hero. VRISKA: You just have to know who you are and stay true to that. VRISKA: So I’m going to keep fighting for people the only way I ever knew how.

VRISKA: 8y 8eing me.

And a few panels after that, she does this.

VRISKA: OHHHHHHHH NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! VRISKA: OH FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! VRISKA: WE’RE G8ING TO LOOK AT WH8T’S IN THIS CH8ST RIGHT N8W!!!!!!!! VRISKA: DO YOU HE8R ME Y8U F8CK? VRISKA: I D8DN’T SCRAPE AND CLAW MY W8Y 8ACK TO RELEV8NCE F8R THIS SHIT! VRISKA: I’M DOING S8METHING F8CKING IMPORTANT! AND WHEN I DO SOMETH8NG FUCKING IMPORT8NT, EVERY88DY 8ETTER D8MN WELL PAY ATT8NTION TO ME!!!!!!!!

Sure, her resurrection got everyone’s attention, but also annoyance. A lot of their personal problems aren’t truly solved, just put on a temporary chokehold by someone with a stubborn, assertive personality. She’s taking charge so that her team won’t be in poor condition for the big fight, but also to, well, be in the spotlight. She doesn’t care how others think of her, she just wants to help… but also because it makes her important, even if that means overpowering her friends, including her moirail Terezi. Vriska’s the active counterpart to Roxy in both class and aspect. A positive part of this is that it’s easier for Vriska and other folks like her to be self-driven.

…

What am I getting at? It’s a matter of intention. Are they doing it to mainly benefit others? Or are they acting to benefit themselves? Even if it’s grey, there’s often a tint or shade that’s lighter or darker that makes someone lean somewhere. It doesn’t matter how they see themselves and how they perceive their own actions, it’s their motivation that defines the line. Accidents don’t count. It’s the will. Looking at one’s intention is a way to objectively sift through the blurriness of it their actions, even when said intention is subconscious. You can also simply take the Active/Passive divide on strictly class roles in terms of RPG abilities alone if you’re not keen on the personalities of the bunch.

#Class #Fanon #HSE #Long Post #Longpost #Submission #submission

32 notes · View notes

lonestarbabe · 3 years

Text

Holding Out For a Hero

Chapter 9: Wish I Could Forget

[AO3]

T.K. makes a confession, Carlos deals with his manipulative dad.

---

You were something else I will admit

I remember what you told me

I only wish I could forget

Carlos

They’d been on the bus all day, and as much as he tried to keep track, Carlos couldn’t remember what the next location was. He’d find out when he got there. T.K. had warned him that it would happen like that; the days would stretch together, and so would the locations. Carlos hadn’t believed him. He figured there was no way that he could forget something as simple as where he was going, but when you were almost constantly on the road bouncing from location to location, the places blurred, and the highway went on without end. I never guessed the tour would feel so long or that riding across the country could be so exhausting.

Carlos wasn’t alone in that sentiment. Everyone he’d spoken to had agreed that tour was exhausting for everyone involved once the high of the excitement started to fade into a loose routine but a routine nonetheless. Their days were closely planned, leaving few moments for excursions and sightseeing. Energy shots and coffee kept them going through the long days and irregular hours. Carlos missed home, especially when sleep was elusive. He hadn’t been the best at keeping up with his friends, but tour could be lonely, so he’d call Michelle, who was equally bad at keeping in touch, or some of his buddies, or even his sister. Everyone was friendly, and it wasn’t like he had any issues with his coworkers, but they were busy. And Carlos had shrugged off invites with the crew to hang out with T.K. instead, partially because he knew that when T.K. got lonely, he spiraled. And I want to do my part to prevent that from happening.

But his commitment to spending time with T.K. wasn’t just about T.K. Mostly, Carlos spent so much time with T.K. because T.K. was a good friend. Carlos could spend hours listening to T.K. tell tales of his storied life. Carlos liked to tell stories of his own, too, and one of his favorite things was eliciting that easy, full-chested laugh from T.K., who usually employed a practiced laugh that was polished but shallow. Carlos loved the way T.K.’s face lit up when he brought T.K. colorful doughnuts. The doughnuts from the morning’s bakery stop were half-eaten, the most sprinkled ones already gone. The half-empty box made Carlos smile.

The bus was eerily quiet. No one considered bus rides passive time. As the bus plodded down the highway, everyone kept busy ordinarily, making calls and double-checking that all the arrangements were in order, but Carlos and T.K. were alone. T.K. had barely moved, let alone do any work. Carlos’ favorite bus activity was when T.K. would strum his guitar and write songs, and Carlos would pretend not to listen closely, while T.K. would hide in his bunk. T.K.’s private songwriting was more personal than the stuff he put on his albums, and T.K. trusted Carlos enough to play those intimate pieces near him.

There was no music playing in that music, not even over the expensive speakers that T.K. loved to use when the silence made him antsy. T.K. was mute, bouncing his leg and staring out at the stretch of gray sky. T.K. looked cozy in his pink cotton hoodie, but he kept tugging at it as if it were too tight or itchy.

“You look anxious,” Carlos pointed out, sitting next to T.K. on the couch. His eyebrows scrunched together as he searched T.K.’s face for signs of sickness, sadness, or homesickness, but he couldn’t recognize the meaning of that particular facial expression. His eyes were too sad to be angry, and his jaw was too clenched for him just to be sad. T.K.’s face was a combination of things that Carlos couldn’t quite decode. Someday, I’ll be able to look at his face and immediately know what he’s thinking. I’ll memorize the shapes his face makes. I’ll learn what he’s trying to express, even if he doesn’t know how to express it.

T.K. startled, eyes flitting to Carlos’. “Just thinking,” T.K. avoided Carlos’ eyes and turned his head back to the sky, which was unusual for someone who intensely made eye contact to the point that it made some people uncomfortable. Carlos never looked away. Carlos’s phone buzzed in his pocket, but he ignored it— barely felt it— his focus on intently on T.K.

“Care to share?” Carlos prodded gently. He knew better than to pressure T.K. to talk. If T.K. spoke about his feelings, it was on his own time, but it usually took some prodding before T.K. would open up.

“I don’t know.” T.K. shifted a few inches away from Carlos, pulling his arms closer to his body and looking like a figurine of the larger-than-life presence the world knew.

“What’s wrong?” Carlos tried once more, and if T.K. didn’t give him anything after that, he wouldn’t push anymore.

“You,” T.K. admitted, biting his lip.

“Me?” Carlos’ eyes widened. “Did I do something?” He searched his mind for something he might’ve done that would’ve offended T.K., but things had been easy between them lately. T.K. had been going out less, and he seemed to be doing better, which took some of the stress away that filled Carlos’ voice with tension.

“You’re perfect.” T.K. shook his head. “No, you haven’t done anything bad.” Then, what did I do? “It’s what I did.”

“What did you do? T.K., I’m a little lost here.”

“You’re going to be mad.” Carlos wanted to shake T.K. and tell T.K. to spit it out already, but he chose to be patient.

“I’m not mad at you.”

“Not yet,” T.K. hedged.

Carlos leaned closer to T.K., palms getting sweaty. “Whatever it is, you can tell me. We’re friends.”

T.K scratched his neck. “Yeah, friends.” Why did he say it like that?

“Well, we are, aren’t we?” Carlos didn’t even want to imagine how he would feel if the answer was no.

“I hope so, but there are things about me that you don’t know.” T.K. took a breath. “And you might rethink things when you know.” T.K. was an expert at prolonging conversations to avoid giving answers.

“You don’t know everything about me either, and that’s fine.” Carlos had a whole history that he’d barely mentioned to T.K., and he didn’t plan on bringing it up because what was the point of bringing up the past when it was long gone. But if he asked, I’d tell him. “It’s okay if there are things you don’t want to tell me.” But I want to know everything.

“Carlos, there’s something I need to tell you,” he heard T.K. say, voice too soft. I know, T.K., so tell me.

Carlos’ heart stiffened. “T.K., you’re stalling.” Carlos nervously chuckled when T.K. didn’t respond right away. “The anticipation will probably be worse than the confession,” Carlos assured, and he was trying to convince himself as much as he was T.K.

T.K.

T.K.’s heart pounded in his chest, and he was more nervous telling Carlos the truth than he had ever been before a show. It was easy to perform in front of thousands of people he didn’t know. It was harder to come clean to someone he didn’t want to disappoint. The tone of Carlos’ voice made it even harder. He sounded so concerned, even though T.K. had never given him a reason to care that deeply.

“I messed up,” T.K. admitted, and the words reminded him of all the times he’d had to say that. He remembered times he had drank too much or taken too many pills and called Marjan thinking that he was dying. Every time he called, those events were impressed into her voice as she asked, “Are you okay?” right away instead of saying hello. Or when he’d walked two miles to Judd’s house, disoriented and shivering because he’d dramatically jumped into a pool after a fight with Alex. He’d been too mad to wait for a ride and too high to drive himself. Judd had made a threat against Alex before ushering T.K. inside and warming him up. He constantly let people down, and it wasn’t like Carlos didn’t know he was an addict, but it wasn’t something he liked to bring up, and he certainly wasn’t going to use the words for what he was.

“Are you okay?” Not, “What did you do this time?” or “Here we go again.” Carlos’ brown eyes were soft and caring. The words were those of a friend, not just someone paid to make sure T.K. didn’t fuck up any more than expected. He looked everyone with those cow eyes, but T.K. liked to think there was extra softness when Carlos looked at him. Maybe it was because T.K. was pathetic more than because Carlos actually liked him as a person.

“Don’t be so nice,” T.K. pleaded. He couldn’t stand Carlos being so friendly to him when he deserved misery that Carlos would never give him.

Carlos’ face fell. “What’s wrong?”

“I’m not okay as I’ve been making out,” which wasn’t much of a mystery for the people around T.K.

“Yeah, I noticed,” Carlos said dryly. “But recovery takes time. It’s okay to struggle sometimes.”

T.K. wanted to cry at the hope in Carlos’ eyes. He really thinks I’m getting better. He’s convinced that I want to change, but I don’t want to participate in my change. I want to sleep through getting better and wake up feeling sane. “You know how I talked a lot about my therapist?” He’d gone out of his way more times than he’d admit to mentioning his therapist so that Carlos would think it was for real. I can’t be trusted.

Carlos nodded. “Yeah, she seems nice.”

“I was just saying all that stuff to make you feel better. It’s not true.” There, he’d said it. He waited for the screaming that would follow, the “Why are you ruining your life?” in that same voice his mom always used when she realized having a kid was more than an eighteen-year commitment.

Confusion spread on Carlos’ face. “She isn’t nice?”

“No, she is nice. Well, I don’t know. I ditched my appointments.” He was quick to add. “I’m seeing another one now, but that’s a new thing..”

“Why did you make up all those stories? You could have told me the truth,” Carlos sounded devastated.

“You can yell at me,” T.K. told him. Yelling would have made T.K. feel better. He would have deserved it, a suitable penance for the sins he had committed, but Carlos wasn’t going to give him absolution in the way he wanted it.

“I’m not going to do that.”

“You should. I won’t listen if you don’t make me feel like the scum of the earth.” I might not even listen then, but I might feel better.

“Don’t be stupid,” Carlos snapped. He immediately looked apologetic “Sorry.” T.K. wanted him to go back to snappish comments. He didn’t want the normal, constrained Carlos who could keep his temper in check. He wanted a verbal lashing to get the anger out of the way and start working towards forgiveness. “Yelling won’t change the situation,” Carlos explained. “I’m not going to yell at you.”

“I’d feel better if you yelled at me than whatever approach you’re taking now.”

“I’d feel worse if I yelled, so just drop it.”

“I’m telling you that you can. It wouldn’t be immoral or anything if I’m asking you to do it.”

“No,” Carlos said, sounding disgusted at the idea. “I don’t want to be a part of your self-destructive spiral!”

“I’m not on a self-destructive spiral.” I’m not, T.K. tried to convince himself, but there was something about destroying himself that felt so right. The feeling of getting wasted wasn’t just about the high. He liked the fall too, the deterioration of self. Because destruction eases the bitterness, but I don’t want to hurt anyone other than me. The only problem was that his self-destruction didn’t just impact him. The people in his life, the ones he hadn’t pushed away or kept at a distance, hurt as he shoved himself closer to oblivion. Sometimes, he wanted to feel alive, while other times, he wanted to feel dead. The jury’s out on which I want to be. Who didn’t fantasize about the demise of the person they hated the most? It’s nice to let go, shirk responsibility, and leave my future up to fate.

“You might recognize it if you went to see a therapist,” Carlos said as a plea more than a scolding. The hurt T.K. caused had already spread to Carlos, and the thought made him hate himself more.

“I’m seeing one now.” T.K. quipped, We haven’t gotten to a self-destructive spiral yet.” It had only been one virtual session, but he’d scheduled another.

“I’m glad to hear that, T.K., but you still lied to me.”

“You seemed so happy when I told you I’d go to therapy. I didn’t want to ruin that.” The illusion of a functional T.K. Strand has always been the side of him that T.K. wanted Carlos to see because the real T.K. Strand is embarrassing, messy, and pathetic.

“I’d rather you be honest with me. You don’t need to spare my feelings. It’s hard for me to protect you when I don’t even know what’s going on with you.” T.K. didn’t even know what was going on with himself. And maybe that was why everyone was so insistent that he go to a professional. Professionals were supposed to help you sort all that out. But what if I’m beyond help?

Carlos

Carlos wanted to yell; he wouldn’t deny that anger was brimming in his chest, making him crazy with fear and anxiety. That’s all the anger was—the fear and anxiety that T.K. wasn’t okay— that I can’t protect him. Carlos had caught T.K. falling back into old habits occasionally— drugs, drinking, sex with dangerous-looking guys— but he’d thought T.K. had been doing better. They’d been spending a lot of time together, and T.K. had seemed, for the most part, okay. Carlos painfully wondered what other lies T.K. had told. Had the past few weeks been worse than he knew?

“I’m sorry, Carlos,” T.K. said. “I shouldn’t have lied to you.” No shit, Carlos thought. I’m scared, and I don’t know what to do about it. I can’t watch him fall apart and do nothing. He’s not doing well, but there’s nothing I can do to make him alright again. He has to do that himself.

Carlos took a breath, resisting the urge to snap again, but he was embarrassed at his earlier outburst. He hated that he lost control like that. “I shouldn’t have gotten so upset before. It’s your business how you handle your mental health,” Carlos said, fabricating the cool composure he needed for his own sanity. His voice was a cold front plowing through the tour bus. He wasn’t going to blow up and make a scene, but he wanted to. He wanted to respond with red hot fire. He wanted to ask T.K. why he had been so foolish and to tell him to get his shit together, but those words were his fear, and such words would only make T.K. defensive. “You don’t have to tell me anything.”

“I know, but you’re my friend.” Is this how friends treat each other? Carlos had never been the best at having balanced friendships, so he wasn’t sure.

“Why didn’t you go to see the therapist?” Why didn’t he at least give it a real try?

“I thought I didn’t need it. I don’t know. I guess I didn’t want to need it. Or I didn’t want to commit.” T.K. sighed. “I have a lot of shit I need to confront, and I feel like I’m trying to find a few prized possessions in a crumbing house that I’ve filled with trash. And to get anywhere, I’ve got to clear the trash away piece by piece.”

“But you’re ready to try?” He wondered if T.K. had decided to go on his own or if Judd, Marjan, or one of his other friends had pushed him into it. “You chose to get help?”

“I did, but I’m not making any promises.”

Defeat tugged in Carlos’ chest. “You’re already leaving room to back out the minute things get too hard.” T.K. was already laying the groundwork for future excuses of why therapy didn’t work out, which made Carlos curious about how committed T.K. was to get better.

“It’s not like that. But I know myself. I can’t change. I’ll always ruin everything. I screwed up because that’s what I do, and the sooner you get used to that, the better because if you have expectations of me, you’re only going to be disappointed.”

“Don’t say shit like that,” Carlos said, excess irritation creeping into his voice. There went his resolve to act detached. No matter how hard he tried to keep a level head, he was a passionate person. He cared about things, and apathy didn’t suit him. His passion got him in trouble. It got him ousted from the police force when he’d cared more about helping Michelle find her sister than his job, but it was part of him. He fell too fast, and he put too much of himself into anything he did. No matter how much passion carried him away, Carlos wasn’t going to yell. His voice would be impassioned, but he wouldn’t let his rage fully control him. I don’t want to be like my father.

“Like what? All of it is true. I’m always making a mess of my life.”

“Don’t act like you’re bound to screw up and try to push me away because you’re scared of letting anyone get too close. You don’t have to be a self-fulfilling prophecy. You get to make choices, and you can choose to put the work in to get better.”

“I’m trying to warn you.”

“I’m not expecting you to be perfect. I know you might have ups and downs, so don’t find a way out of this before you’ve even started.” I just want you to try. I can deal with anything as long as you try.

“You’re not listening,” T.K. sounded frustrated. “I’m trying to protect. I like you, and you don’t deserve this shitstorm.”

“Bullshit. You’re scared. This isn’t about keeping me safe. I’m a grown man, T.K., and I’ve had people disappoint me before. Many hurt me more than you ever could. Don’t turn this on me because I’m right here standing by your side. If you don’t want to be my friend, walk away, but don’t keep baiting me into doing.”

“That’s not what I want.” Then, why do you keep doing it?

“What do you want?”

“I want to be a person you can like, but the truth is I’m not even a person I can like.” Carlos’ stomach knotted. He wanted to pull T.K. into a hug and confess how much T.K. meant to him, but he resisted the selfish urge. He didn’t want to send the wrong signals (but he also knew if T.K. asked him for a hug, he wouldn’t be able to say no).

Before he could dispute T.K.’s words, Carlos’ phone started buzzing again, the noise sending fresh anger through him. His annoyance only increased when he saw that it was the same unknown number that had been calling him for a week. “Damn it, leave me alone,” he spat to the unanswered phone and tossed it to the couch. It bounced, and Carlos held his breath, but he was relieved when it didn’t fall to the floor.

T.K.

Well, that was weird. Seeing Carlos’ outburst had in some respects been a relief to T.K., but it also sent a shiver down T.K.’s spine because when Carlos gave such a reaction, you knew the situation had to be dreadful. “We’re a pair of perfectly okay people,” T.K. deadpanned.

“They’ve been calling me all day,” Carlos said apologetically. “I’m just frustrated.” He was back to being the constrained Carlos who acted as if problems rolled right off of him. “I’m not mad at you.” He’s always so quick to reassure me.

“I know, man. Telemarketers suck.” T.K. laughed. “They’re more persistent than my stans.”

The comment broke Carlos’ stoic expression, and a slight grin snuck onto his face. “I know that’s not true.”

“That one girl snuck into a trash can.” She was sweet, a little crazy, but hell, so am I!

“I think it was empty.”

“Still, a trashcan,” Carlos razzed. “Those kinds of things are a nightmare for security professionals.”

“She got her autograph, at least.”

“And I got gray hairs and an ulcer. When she popped out, I nearly lost it on her. She’s lucky you stepped in. I would have escorted her swiftly away without ever seeing you, and then I would have put her on the blacklist.”

“You’re overprotective. She wasn’t going to hurt me.” T.K. knew his fans didn’t want to hurt him, so he didn’t worry too much about his safety. Surely, there were people he didn’t like who he should worry about, but he had better things to do than fret over what other people might do. Carlos fretted enough for both of them.

“I’m as protective as I should be.” And I find “protective as I should be” very endearing.

“You know, Carlos. It’s okay to show how you feel sometimes. You don’t always have to act like things don’t bother you. It’s okay to be un-levelheaded. Ignoring emotions doesn’t make them go away. I should know.”

“It’s my job to be levelheaded.”

“You’re very good at it, but that’s not your job, Carlos. It’s your job to protect my body. You focus on saving that.” And I’d keep you around even if you didn’t do that. “As long as you don’t have to put your own in danger.”

“I would without thinking twice,” and T.K. felt his chest tighten at the thought. It’s not right to put him in danger for my safety. Crowd control is one thing, but any actual danger is off the table.

“Stay safe. I can’t lose you.”

“It’s unlikely it will come to that,” and the words that are implied but go unsaid are, “But if it comes to that, I know what I’ll choose.” The thought made T.K. sick.

“I can save myself,” T.K. asserted.

“Start by saving your mind.”

“We’ll see about that,” T.K. said before leaving to find his guitar. He needed some music therapy after that chat. I hope my stupid songs won’t drive Carlos crazy.

Carlos

It was late when Carlos’ phone rang again, the same unknown number on the screen. T.K. had gone to bed; he must’ve been tired to go so early. The number was an Austin area code, so on the off chance that it was someone he knew, he answered.

“What do you want?” expecting to hear a scam caller.

“Hey, Carlito,” a familiar voice crooned, sounding smooth and smug. Carlos nearly hung up. “Nice to talk to you too.”

“Dad? How did you get this number?” Son of a bitch has probably gotten himself arrested again and needs bail, or he’s gambled away his grocery money. Maybe he has a friend whose been accused of some terrible deed he didn’t do. Maybe a con went wrong, and he’s trying not to get beat up.

“Your sister.” Damn it, Carlos thought. This is the last thing I need.

“I told her that I didn’t want to talk to you.”

“Don’t be like that. I’m your old man.”

“Why did you call?” Carlos persisted. The sooner he knew what his dad wanted, the sooner he could tell him no and hang up. I’m too curious to hang up just yet, and it’s been so long since I’ve heard his voice. It sounds just like it did half a decade ago.

“How’s Taylor?” He hasn’t gotten better at small talk, has he?

“Didn’t you hear we broke up?” Carlos said acerbically.

“How’d that happen?” Carlos could practically hear his dad smiling at the news, probably happy that Carlos’ life had taken a turn towards the awful. Still, while the breakup had been complicated and heartbreaking, Carlos was more satisfied without Taylor in his life. Taylor leaving him had been a relief, even if there were some feelings of sadness and loss.

“Long story short, I got fired, he dumped me, and he blew up the police chief’s car after a bender. So, things didn’t work out, which you would know if you didn’t think the whole world revolved around you.” Carlos waited for a beat. “Now you know the whole sordid saga. What about you? Have you been arrested lately?”

“You’re awfully bitter for being so young.” No shit. You made my childhood a shitshow, and I always had to be there to help you out of your messes while you wouldn’t lift a finger to help me out of mine.

“Cut the, ‘How are you, son?’ talk. Why’d you call?”

“You always expect the worst in me, but I’m not the bad guy.”

Carlos wasn’t afraid of his father anymore, not more than the shadow of fear that sometimes crept up on him with memory. There was part of him that still wanted to cower and try to please his dad so he could get his father’s love, but he had to stay strong and remember that Gabriel Reyes was never going to give him what he wanted. He wasn't going to go back down that spiral. “Who is the villain, Dad. You’re the one who belittled me for years and manipulated me into doing what you wanted.” He kept his voice hushed to avoid disturbing T.K., but he knew that his dad could hear the venom in his voice.

“You haven’t heard what I wanted, but you’re dredging up all the ways I ruined your life.” His dad used his conman voice, the one he always used when he was desperately striving for Carlos’ loyalty. “You forget all the things that I did for you, like making sure food was on the table, and a roof was over your head.” The classic guilt trip had once made Carlos feel guilt and shame, but he knew what manipulation looked like, and he’d worked through all that in his therapy sessions.

“You know what? I’m not listening to this. You’re not going to mess with my head and convince me that I’m somehow in the wrong. Goodbye, Dad. Don’t call again,” Carlos said before hanging up the phone. He didn’t need to listen to his father’s manipulative response to know what he would’ve said. He’d heard it a million times.

Carlos laid back on the couch, staring at the bus ceiling, defeated. He wiped his eyes before the tears could fall, and he remembered how his dad always used to say he was too sensitive to make it in the real world and that he needed to toughen up. Maybe he was sensitive, but at least he wasn’t an insensitive asshole who no one genuinely loved.

He put a hand over his head and tried to tune out the overwhelming feelings. Why does he keep making me feel this way? There’s a reason I kept him out of my life, and it needs to stay that way. I need to talk to Lola and talk to her about giving him my number. That shouldn’t have happened. If he keeps bothering me, I might have to change my number. Before he could contemplate further, a weight settled at the end of the couch by Carlos’ feet. “Are you okay?” T.K. asked.

“Sorry I woke you,” Carlos said, not lifting his head to look at T.K. I’m such a loser.

“I can’t sleep, anyway.”

“How much did you hear?” No matter how quiet Carlos had tried to be, they were still on a bus, and the sound carried through the curtains splitting the sections.

Carlos lifted his head enough to see T.K. shrug. “Not much. I had my noise-canceling headphones on, but you sounded upset, so I thought you might want company.” I love this man, the thought flashed through Carlos’ mind before he could be consciously aware of it.

“They aren’t very good at noise-canceling, are they?” Carlos tried to joke, but his voice was flat, and T.K.’s eyes darkened. I can’t even pretend that I’m halfway okay.

“I guess not,” T.K. said evenly. “Do you want to talk about it?”

The conversation felt oddly reminiscent of the one he’d had earlier with T.K. “My dad called.”

“You don’t get along, right?” T.K.’s words were cautious.

“That’s an understatement. We don’t talk. I wouldn’t have answered if I knew it was him.”Carlos knew dad-talk was hard for T.K., so he proceeded carefully. “Not all dads are heroes. Mine is the opposite of a hero.”

“What is yours?”

“A nasty bastard, a cheat, and a con artist.” And that’s to put it nicely. “He’s a slimy coward who will use anyone he meets for his own selfish purposes.”

“I hate him already.” T.K.’s face grew dark. “Did he hurt you?” T.K. rolled his lip inward. “You don’t have to answer.”

“It’s okay. He never hit me or anything.” But he messed with my head, and he made me think that I could never be good enough. He made my relationship with my sister tense because she can’t understand why I can’t talk to him. She’s still falling for his dastardly tricks. Those tricks are probably how he got my number.

“I didn’t ask if he hit you.”

“He hurts everyone who gets close, so I don’t take it personally.”

“Hurt is always personal,” T.K. said, the pain on Carlos’ face all he needed to know. “I’m sorry.”

“My dad said never apologize for bastards. It’s the only thing he got right.”

“What did he want?”

“Nothing good. I hung up before he could say too much.”

“That’s probably for the best.”

“I think so.” Carlos shrugged. “I don’t think knowing what he wanted would have made me feel better.”

“You mentioned once that you missed him sometimes. Are you missing him now?”

“You remember that?” Carlos looked surprised. “No, I’m not missing him. I’m missing a version of him that only ever existed in my wishes.”

“I get it. The things I miss most about my dad are the things we’ll never get to have—imagined wedding days and playing with my kids. Things like that.”

“Yeah, I used to want him to change so badly. I wanted a normal dad. I thought that if I could be everything he wanted in a son, that somehow that would be enough. But it never was. He only cared about how much I could do for him. He still only calls me when he needs a favor.”

“Did he say what he needed?”

“I don’t know. We didn’t get that far. Probably money. Or he wants me to call in a favor.”

“That sucks.”

“I’m used to it. It’s been years since we’ve talked, so I don’t have to deal with him normally.”

“He’s probably dying,” T.K. said with a sympathetic voice. Carlos hadn’t thought of that. Perhaps, he was dying. He probably wants me to give him an organ. But what if he really was dying? Would Carlos have wanted to talk to him then?

The thought sent a traitorous blast of sadness through Carlos. “I don’t think so. He would have started with that and would have gone straight into the guilt trip.”

“Why else would he call after so long? I’m not saying to make amends with that asshole or anything, but it’s something to consider.”

“I don’t care if he’s dying.”

“Maybe you don’t want to care,” T.K. pointed out. “But you wouldn’t have that look on your face if you really didn’t.”

Carlos had been caught, and he didn’t have the energy to keep denying the truth. “Good bullshit meter.” Carlos yawned. The call left him confused and depleted.

T.K.

T.K.’s bullshit meter was finicky at best, but Carlos was easy to read. “Not really. I just know you, Carlos. You’ve got the world’s biggest heart.” I should know. He’s found a way to like me.

“I don’t know about that.”

T.K. imagined kissing Carlos’ chest to impress the answer right where it mattered, but he settled for mere words because anything more could only live in frivolous daydreams.“I do.” Carlos looked so forlorn that T.K. couldn’t resist something more physical. Kisses were out, but friends could comfort each other without it being weird. “Let me help.”

“Help?” T.K. nodded and pulled his body up the couch so that he could squeeze himself closer to Carlos. “What are you doing?” Carlos asked with a bemused expression, but he scooted his body over to make more room for T.K. to fit in the sliver of space next to Carlos.

“Reminding that you aren’t alone.” An insecure pang struck T.K. Maybe he was going about this wrong. “This isn’t weird, is it?”

Carlos inhaled. He thought for a few beats and then shook his head. “It’s nice.”

“Sometimes, you just need to be close to someone, you know?” T.K. reassured. “It doesn’t have to be anything more than a friend giving another friend comfort.”

“You’re practically on top of me,” Carlos laughed.

“I can move,” T.K. said, voice sinking. Am I making a fool of himself? Can he tell that I think about him in ways I shouldn’t? Does he see that I more than like him? T.K. felt like a little boy with a schoolyard crush. It would never amount to anything, but the mere thought delighted him. Maybe I just like that he’s good to me. Is someone nice to me all it takes for me to fall in love? Am I that pathetic? But he knew it was more than that. Something about Carlos made him feel more secure than he ever had, and it wasn’t related to Carlos being his bodyguard.

As he shifted to get up, Carlos grabbed his arm and turned onto his side, pulling T.K.’s back against his chest. T.K. memorized the exuberant feeling of being so close to Carlos because he didn’t know when it would end. “Don’t. It’s been a while since I’ve had anyone to hold.”

“You can’t tell me that the whole crew isn’t all over you.” T.K. said with a grin. “That cute smile and those cow eyes.”

“Cow eyes?” Carlos asked, indignant, and T.K.’s chest bloomed with warmth.

“They’re adorable.” T.K. was weak to those eyes, as anyone would rightfully be.

Carlos rolled his eyes. “Don’t ruin the moment, my little teddy bear,” Carlos teased.

“Carlos!” T.K. blushed.

“Now you know how it feels.”

“I was complimenting you.” Carlos made T.K. feel safe, and T.K. wanted to make Carlos feel safe too.

A moment passed, a snug, easy moment. “Thank you, T.K.,” Carlos said so sincerely that T.K. thought he might melt. He turned over so that he was facing Carlos; their bodies were pressed close, and together they were warm and strong. He held eye contact, testing if he could make Carlos look away with his intensity, but Carlos didn’t look away.

“Thanks for what? Comparing you to a cow?”

Carlos laughed, shaking his head. “For being here.”

“We’re on a bus. There aren’t many places I can go. Besides, you’re literally here for me all the time.”

“It’s my job,” Carlos brushed the comment off, as he often did when T.K. became too praising of Carlos’ efforts.

“You made a list of the best bakeries in the country and make the bus driver when we pass one so you can get me doughnuts.”

“He doesn’t mind. I feed him doughnuts for his troubles.” Carlos shrugged. “I like doughnuts too.” Carlos yawned again.

“But you get them for me.”

“Friends give friends doughnuts.”

“Yeah,” Carlos said drowsily. T.K. said nothing until he felt Carlos’ breaths evening.

“I love doughnuts,” T.K. whispered to check if Carlos was sleeping. “I love you,” T.K. said, his heart fluttering with the admission. He laughed to himself. Even as Carlos let out soft snores, chest rising and falling evenly with the rhythm of sleep, the words were hard to say, but he meant each one of them.

#holding out for a hero #911 lone star #911 lone star fic #my fics #elise writes #wip

12 notes · View notes

selenaevander · 3 years

Text

Prompt #29: Debonair

"Are you new? I would have remembered your face."

"Yes, I am. Iris Senatore, I'm filling in for Junia while she's out on maternity leave."

"Oh, good. They told us we were going to be short-staffed on this leg, so everyone is going to be thrilled to see you..."

Practicality was not foremost in my mind when settling on Velox airship lines for a monthlong sabbatical, but I think a girl at university can be forgiven a little whimsy, given the semester I endured. My journey here started when I traded pointe shoes for the black wool and oxfords befitting a law library, and immediately racked up an impressive line of benefactors who were all surprised to see that a spinning waif like me had not yet centrifuged all the blood from her empty little head, and opened their generous purses accordingly. Of course, this lasted four weeks before I began meandering away from class until I found a lecture hall I liked better in the form of bioethics, but the year was paid in full and I'd be a fool not to make the most of my options. This scratched my argumentative itch thanks to a series of rather spirited classroom debates on mid-Allagan replication experiments and the ethics of personhood, autonomy, and individual vs. collective good as a value emphasis, but to my great misfortune, I was quickly rooted out for being too eager a participant in their class discussions. This prompted a check over the roll sheet, and, well—you can imagine the rest. Humiliating.

Where was I? Ah, yes. Velox airship lines. I had recently begun sitting in on aerospace magitek engineering classes when I determined it would be best for my education that I have a more formative experience on an airship before proceeding. Certainly I had been a passive rider before with the dance corps, but being an active and conscious participant with the machine around you as it works is altogether a different thing. I had briefly considered the possibility of donning a pilot's uniform in what I can freely admit was an ill-conceived plan from the onset, and rapidly dialed back my expectations to spare myself disaster and instead take my place as a flight attendant such that I might have unfettered access both to the craft itself and to its knowledgeable caretakers. From there, it was simply a matter of finding an opportunity and slipping sideways through the cracks.

Look, I'm not going to say Velox was a prime choice in a practical sense; for example, Eurus Fuga would have made a more technically sound host, given that they recently overhauled their crafts with models featuring cutting-edge, fuel-efficient engines and an updated fuselage. On the other hand, I chose Velox because their menswear-inspired double-breasted, slim-fit black blazer dresses and accompanying trench-style waist belt were breathtaking and, as I would later realize, the spark that ignited my love of couture. I spent two weeks scouring the flea market for a silk scarf that was a passable knockoff of the real thing at a glance and wrote a fellow student's entire midterm take-home essay so he would have time to sew a uniform lookalike to my measurements. Who says barter is outdated? For me, it was lifeblood.

The crisp clack of heeled shoes heralded the arrival of a miniature army of attendants to the boarding dock with me in their midst. My new colleagues chattered around me and complimented my hair, unaware of the impostor in their midst. The cadence of footfall shifted as we flowed single-file up the stairs toward the maw of the craft, and one-by-one we disappeared inside. The hatched closed, the curtain dropped. Flight 3944-C-Delta to Kugane is cleared for takeoff. Let the performance begin.

#selena #ffxivwrite #ffxivwrite2021

2 notes · View notes

hopeswriting · 3 years

Text

Modern AU (Adult!)Arcobaleno on socials media though. While Flames and mafia are definitely still a thing.

Now I’m by no means well acquainted to all the different popular socials media, but here’s my humble take:

Reborn on Instagram.

He only has pictures of Leon first and foremost, with him in the background in one of his ridiculous but very well-made cosplay. Leon of course also wears the same cosplay as him.

He never shows his full face in any of the pictures, but just enough his followers know he’s handsome as fuck.

The artists/photoshoppers among them regularly put the pieces together to see how he could look like, but in a funny-and-obviously-purposefully-wrong way only.

Reborn loves them and saves them all.

------

Once in a blue moon he does post a picture of himself where you can see him clearly all dressed up and fancy, and then immediately deletes it.

But only after he’s sure it has been seen, so he can watch his followers lose their shit while drinking a nice espresso.

They try hard, but so far none of them managed to save any of the pictures before he deletes them.

------

Often there’s what suspiciously looks like blood stains on their clothes and straight up dead bodies lying in the background, but Reborn went so passive-aggressive with the few who dared to ask, everyone is too afraid to ask now.

Anyone who badmouths Leon in any way is instantly blocked. But only after Reborn ripped them a new one AND let his followers do it too.

Skull on Twitter and Snapchat.

He tweets the most random, out of nowhere, highly worrying things, that always sent his followers in a frenzy trying to figure out why the fuck he would think of any of this in the first place??

“aren’t you ever tried of your solid, rigid, restrictive bones? don’t you want to just be Luffy from One Piece, a rubber being that can shape themself in whatever way they wish?”

or:

“nobody ever tells you this, but the stress of picking apart melted leather from your burnt skin before it heals is VERY worth the adrenaline of making fire your BITCH”

or:

“is it REALLY illegal if you break in and eat the food but leave money behind??”

------

That’s just his Twitter only followers though.

The ones on Snapchat have the privilege to watch him stumble head first step by step to his tweets, and are actually very involved and active spectators that keep him out of jail, or killing himself, or killing someone else.

Skull, recording a video, halfway stuck in between two buildings: What’s up guys, there're these guys following me and trying to kill me, quick tell me what bones to break so I can fit in there.

see also:

A picture of Skull crouched in front of a body, posing, that says: don’t worry guys we’re just faking, but hypothetically, if you were to hide a body as quick as possible from here without being seen, what would you do? #hypotheticallyseriousanswersonly #hypotheticallythecopsaremaybeontheirway #quickanswersappreciated

Verde on Facebook.

He creates a public group with only him as member that’s basically his scientific diary.

It’s not really to invite intellectual challenging debates (though he’d be all for it if someone smart enough showed up), but he figures it’s in his best interest to make the world a less dumb place if he can.

It finds his public, though there’s only a few comments because god forbid you say something dumb or inaccurate and Verde fucking annihilates you in the comment section.

But like, in a teacher way. Like he’s genuinely trying to make you know better but he’s just ruthless at it lmao.

Verde uses a fake name and a fake everything so there’s quickly a running joke along the lines of “Imagine if it’s really the genius scientist Verde running the group and you just outed yourself as a flat earther lol”.

------

But what gets the group really popular is the in depth flames theory involving weather of all things they have to assume he came up with it all on his own because they can’t figure out to save their lives what the hell he’s talking about?

And it makes them question their sanity sometimes because Verde talks about it like it’s the most obvious thing and in the context of just about every basic aspects of life.

Cue the conspirators and their hot new take of “the aliens were among us all along and hid themselves as the WEATHER!!!” that instantly turns into the new popular meme.

That, and the transcripts posts of Verde trying his theories that nine out of ten apparently involves very unwilling participants whose life are threatened and sometimes they straight up DIE???

------

They think both of these is just him fucking with them and it’s all fictional. They want to think it is anyway.

They’re not so sure, but everyone is too afraid to ask.

Colonnello on Snapchat.

70% of his content is about Lal because this man is so in love and it’s like he’s a guest on his own account lol.

There’s the “Pining Hard” content where it’s just him trying to seduce Lal, to romance her and asking her out, and Lal brushing all of it off more often than not.

His followers are very invested in this “old bickering married couple type of best friends in oblivious mutual pining” real live action slow burn fic, and cheers him hard whenever Lal reciprocates the tiniest bit.

------

They don’t know the two are already together.

They think Lal brushing him off or flirting back but in an unmistakably joking/”platonic” way is just her being oblivious and not taking Colonnello seriously.

When she would just rather flirt back off camera because it’s her private life thank you very much.

Colonnello never tells them because he assumes they all know and just choose to be in on the joke.

Lal finds it hilarious whenever she goes through his Snapchat (with his permission of course) to find numerous messages of encouragement, so she never says either.

------

But one day she kind of just steals a kiss from him while he’s recording because she wanted to, and his followers lose their shit.

Lal laughs herself to tears and laughs for days.

------

The other Lal’s related content is the “Lal’s loving hours”, where he just takes pictures of her/records her doing random shit---whether it's her making a disaster out of the kitchen, or wearing three pairs of socks because her feet are cold, or beating the shit out of someone---and him doing heart eyes at the camera.

------

Otherwise it’s just him living his life and letting them in on what happens.

There’s a lot of pictures because he’s handsome and he knows it and he likes the compliments aqsdfghj.

Or videos of him going on and on about how energy drinks are really the best drink ever while doing grocery.

Or ranting videos about how bullets wounds are such a pain to deal with and showing himself patching himself up to show how it’s done (thanks??!!??).

Or him watching series and roasting the characters for their dumb decisions.

Or him commenting in real time an assassination attempt on him in the middle of the night in his own fucking home because the fucker sure is ballsy (????!!!!!!???).

It’s very popular too because of how relatable it is.

Well, most of the time anyway.

Viper on Youtube.

They have a DIY type of channel, mostly about fashion---what they think about the new products/clothes they bought from their favorite brand, their thoughts on the new fashion trend, their makeup/skin care routine and favorite outfits for various circumstances, or they’re often on live while going shopping.

(I just really like Fashionista!Viper okay.)

They play videos games too, thinking they’re being very good while being very average to not say they straight up suck asdfghj.

Occasionally do reaction videos too.

------

Like Reborn they hardly ever show their face. Actually they don’t show it at all lol. They wear masks to do their videos because a hood is not very reliable.

How do they do their makeup videos then you ask?

They use "volunteer" as models of course.

And by volunteers I mean the Varia qsdftgyhjkl.

------

They also have another very peculiar brand of videos that is the most popular one on their channel. The titles of these videos include but are not limited to:

“A Due Payment Of Yours Is Late? How To Hunt Them For Sport”

“A Little Bitch Doesn’t Respect Your Pronouns/Chosen Name? Step By Step On How To Make Them Shut The Fuck Up Forever”

“How To Efficiently Remove Blood And Various Others Human Residue From Your Clothes”

“Faking Your Death And Taking On A New Identity: Step By Step Tutorial”

“How To Take Over Your Friends Brains And Watch Them Prank Themselves ft. The Varia”

Fon on Tumblr.

His blog becomes known as a shitpost blog or a blog run by a bot when really, everything he posts is about actual, very real events that happened in his life.

Except he vague posts every time because he really wants to keep his anonymity.

He posts about the hardships of learning more and more martial arts and staying at the top of the art, and sounds like some dangerous psychopath.

“The body is such a fragile thing, isn’t it? It tends to break quite easily unfortunately. You’d think I’d know that by then, but I really need to remember it more often so I can keep enjoying myself.”

He’s talking about how he always pushes himself too much in training and ends up injuring himself.

“Everyday I dispose of them and reasserts my superiority, and everyday they come back and it’s really hard to not hurt them beyond repair.”

He’s talking about how he’s often challenged by other martial artists who don’t like him being the best and how he always has to beat them up bloody for them to give up.

He also posts about his family's live except it’s the Hibari’s family live, and he doesn’t sound more sane of mind at all.

“I made the mistake of taking Kyo with me on my grocery trip and picked on his tell-tale signs of going through a bad day too late.

But fortunately the shop is still standing and no one was heavily injured.”

or:

“It’s so heartwarming to see Kyo make friends. The brown haired kid didn’t put much of a fight but the one with the pineapple haircut has potential.

He almost managed to stab him that one time, and I can’t wait to tease Kyo about it. He’s very cute when annoyed and embarrassed.”

or:

“Often I look back to the day Kyo got his tonfa and I am always infinitely grateful for this not-so-easy-to-kill-with weapon.

I would like for him to at least finish high school first.”

Yeah it’s very often about Kyoya lmao. And no one knows for sure what in the world a “Kyo” is supposed to be???

An actual human being is NOT the most popular theory qsdfghn.

Lal on TikTok.

I guess?? I’m kind of running out of ideas lol, and I know very little about TikTok.

But I’m thinking she makes a series of videos where she looks straight into the camera like she’s on The Office while some bullshit or the other happens in the background.

And it’s not even always her friends or coworkers or Colonnello (yeah he has a category of his own lmao).

As far as she is concerned everyone who chooses to be a fucking dumbass in her vicinity is asking for it aqsdfghj.

------

Also has a “Doing paperwork” series, and the later at night she’s doing it, the more she’s absolutely fucking done with people not being able to do their job properly without collateral damage.

She dryly reads out loud the highlights of the reports and goes straight for their lives lol.

But as funny as it is, everyone is more interested in the very questionable out of context content of these reports???

------

Also does workout videos, as in she demonstrates how to do this one or other exercise, and if these do particularly well it has nothing to do with how people want to look respectfully at her body, of course not.

ALSO has a “Colonnello’s Loving Hours” series because you better believe this woman is also so much in love.

She records him when he’s simply existing---whether he’s snuggling besides her while they’re watching TV, or dancing in the kitchen while cooking, or cleaning his guns---while looking at the camera with this tender, content expression on her face.

They become known as the Weather Lovers because boy, do these people like to go on about their favorite weather. Some shipping might even be involved??

It’s how their community introduces them to each other.

Cue even more chaos on their respective socials medias.

Viper’s video of their first meeting is the most popular one on their channel.

Yeah I know, I didn’t add the Sky Arco ladies, but I have no idea what they could do. Pinterest maybe? Or Vine? Dunno, they’re all yours guys lol.

#katekyo hitman reborn #khr #khr au #khr arcobaleno #khr socials media au #the mafia in general on socials media though #like you're undercover for some hit or the other #but isn't it fucking suspicious how alfredo and marco are always on the exact same location on the snapchat map??#or trying to keep your civilian loved ones in the dark #but they went through your mafia friends account and they talk about you in a very you're obviously not a civilian manner #or you're showing your boss a possible talented new recruit profile #and a message of his wife pops on screen that leaves no room to misunderstanting asdfghj #just the fact that it'd indeniably make their job so much harder #but no one would care bcause VALIDATION #anyway #mine

29 notes · View notes

tipsycad147 · 3 years

Text

FULL STURGEON MOON – AUGUST,– PREPARING FOR CHANGE

The Full Sturgeon Moon observed each August gets it’s name from Native American tradition. In the areas surrounding the North American Great Lakes, native tribes would prepare for winter by catching and drying sturgeon, which were abundant and easy to catch in August.

What You’ll Need For This Ritual

Quarter Candles (yellow, red, blue, green) Anthame Large White Goddess Candle – I prefer a three wick candle to symbolize the triple Goddess Paper and pencils

Throughout this ritual, any text surrounded by these symbols < > should be considered instructional and not spoken aloud but done in accordance with the directions

Full Sturgeon Moon Ritual Begins

I cast this circle round and round from earth to sky, from sky to ground. I conjure now this sacred space, outside of time, outside of place. The circle has been cast, we are between the worlds.

Calling the Quarters

East From the East we hail and summon the mighty AIR spirits – come join us in this sacred ritual under the light of the full moon. We seek your guidance and knowledge in all things related to movement, communication, and freshness. Aid us in visualization of our future selves so that we may achieve our destinies. <light yellow candle>

South From the South we hail and summon the mighty FIRE spirits – present yourselves within this circle and all the spaces surrounding it. As the bringer of both destruction and creation, you hold sway over those who walk among us. Teach us to harness your unbridled energies but also to see the beautiful transformation in nature after the flames have passed. <light red candle>

West From the west we hail and summon the mighty WATER spirits – surround us in your glorious cleansing and wash away all that we carry into this ritual. We know that without water, life does not exist, but also that an overabundance can wash away centuries of work in a moment. Help us to find the happy medium that will balance our lives and our existence. <light blue candle>

North Finally, to the north we call out the mighty EARTH spirits – come gather among the living and share the secrets of the elements, the soils, the trees, and the herbs. Teach us to respect all things that you’ve provided and to conserve for the generations that follow. <light green candle>

Great Goddess, mother of all of us; hold us in your loving arms and help us to help ourselves and our own inner courage. Lend us your strength, your wisdom, and your sound decision-making, as we walk along our chosen pathways. So mote it be <light Goddess candle>

Introduction

The Full Sturgeon Moon name comes from the Algonquin tribes that surrounded the North American Great Lakes. Other tribes referred to this full moon by different names; the Green Corn Moon, Fruit Moon, Barley Moon, Grain Moon, and the Red Moon. Most of the names are directly tied to crops that would be harvested in different areas around the country. The latter name, Red Moon is due to the fact that the moon rising in August always seems to have a reddish cast to it. The Ojibwe called the August full moon the Blueberry Moon, while the Dakota Sioux knew it as The Moon When All Things Ripen.

Full Moon Musical Interlude

This month’s selection is called the Pagan Moon Goddess Song – it’s hauntingly beautiful and will certainly put you in a sacred moon trance.

Original Artwork by Sara Stevenson (June, 2012)

Preparing For Change

We celebrate each full moon with a ritual cleansing and a lesson on how we can improve our lives or learn some wisdom from nature. The full sturgeon moon of August gives us a unique opportunity to discuss the topic of change. We can see change happening all around us this month. The heat of the summer is finally starting to wane, the fields are ripe and full of miracles of nature. Fresh squash, berries, flowers, and herbs are plentiful and the green tops on our root vegetables and vines are gathering size in the sunlight. Our children are enjoying the last few precious weeks of vacation before the abrupt change of the morning school bell and the nightly schoolwork. We are looking in our closets for longer sleeves and jackets in the evening and planning for the coming cold ahead. We experience these mundane changes with little to no fanfare as if they’ve become a comfortable routine.

Yet, with all the physical changes that we are surrounded by, many of us forget that this is a time of spiritual change as well. Our bodies have been running at top speed for most of the summer; vacations, trips to the pool, hiking, and of course wild crafting our favorite herbs and roots. During that period, many of us have slacked off on our spiritual growth – it’s a natural occurrence since there are only so many hours in the day. Yet, after many months of putting things on the back burner, our spiritual plates are either filled with excess information or nearly empty. Once we start to finally slow down, we come to the realization that something’s amiss and needs immediate attention; thus starts the beginning of a huge change cycle.

The point of realization is also the point of a potential problem, if we aren’t prepared. Too much information leads to nothing getting accomplished usually; we feel overwhelmed and passive. Too little leaves us feeling directionless and easily led astray. But, if we’ve properly prepared for this change, then it’s business as usual. Ironically, just speaking about it is the first step in the preparation; becoming aware in advance that it’s coming gives us time to schedule, budget our time, and plan time for spiritual healing. Often we need to play “catch up” or often “pick up” from where we left off in the spring.

There are many methods to get back in the swing of things. Some people keep a personal journal of their personal growth while others go a step further and write down a step by step plan. Some use the cycle of the moon to measure growth in conjunction with their own spiritual cleansing. Regardless of what method you choose, remember that this is a marathon and not a sprint. If you are feeling overwhelmed with an overfilled plate, take time to organize, categorize, and prioritize. I’ll repeat those three key things, because they need to be put to memory. Organize, categorize, and prioritize; organize your life so that you have time to address things; categorize them into groups that pertain to the same topic or a group of topics, and finally prioritize them. What is most important? Which ones are “low hanging fruit” that can be dealt with quickly and free up time to focus on other things? Do you need help with some of them? By asking yourself questions, you can order things in a way that doesn’t seem overwhelming and actually make progress.

Another important thing to consider when you are processing a lot of information – it might sound like a good idea to just say you’re planning to get rid of everything and move on, but that will only leave lingering thoughts that may stick with you for a long time. Remember that cleansing and clearing go hand in hand – it’s not worth cleansing something if you can’t permanently clear it from your spirit. True healing and growth will only come if you release the negative fully and completely and refuse to give it any energy, ever again.

Cleansing and Clearing

As we do on each full moon, we gather together to release negativity; to burn that which needs burning, and ultimately to reduce mental clutter. We also search for things to refill that empty space – this is where understanding becomes so important. It’s not difficult to identify the things dragging us down; we may not show it on the surface, but deep down each of us knows exactly what is the root cause of our troubles. Unfortunately we don’t always do corrective action. We often opt for the easy routes in life, sometimes accepting or settling when we could instead be growing and languishing in a life which meets out spiritual and emotional needs. It all comes down to understanding, making choices, and refusing to compromise our core needs, for any reason.

So tonight, before we commence in our monthly cleansing through burning session, take time to think about our lesson on change. Are you prepared to sift through everything and weed your personal garden? Will you follow through and rid yourselves of anything that has no value? Also, think about how you can harness the positive energies coming from your harvests and late summer activities. Look for ways to keep that magick alive in your life during the hard months of winter. Bring some of the outside into your home so you’ll have a constant reminder of where your life is grounded. Look for ways to excel rather than just settle. Seek out those energies and store them inside your spirit, so that you don’t regress when things are dark.

Approach the fire and burn away that which no longer serves you !

Cleaning and releasing is only half of the job. Do not allow negative energy to refill the spaces you’ve created. Trade the bad for something better; something enlightening and pure. Leave here with a smile on your face, the understanding that there is more to life than just existing, and that change is always part of our lives, but also that you’ve got this! Change won’t stop you from growing. Stop sitting on the sidelines and engage with the things that take existence to living. Blessed Be!

Closing the Full Sturgeon Moon Circle

Spirits of Earth, guardians of the crops and the fields, we thank you for your presence in our circle tonight and for all that you provide us. As we watch the change from season to season, we shall again call upon your guidance to maintain our grounding and focus. <extinguish green candle>

Spirits of Water, cleansing, sustaining, and flowing, we offer our praises for your never-ending refreshment and thirst-quenching magick. We know our lives will rise and fall, just as the ocean tides do, but will trust in your strength to keep us from sinking. <extinguish blue candle>

Spirits of Fire, source of all passion, heat, and warmth, we are humbled by your collective energies gathered in this circle tonight. We sought to understand your many faces, so that we may work harmoniously with you throughout the changing seasons. <extinguish red candle>

Spirits of Air, where wisdom resides, and motion is never ceasing – we thank you for reminding us that change is inevitable but nothing is impossible unless we surrender our ambitions and choose to fail <extinguish yellow candle>

Beloved Goddess, Mother of all living things, we thank you for your comfort in times of sorrow; your compassion in times of weakness, and your never-ending wellspring of spiritual love for each one of us <extinguish Goddess candle>

This Full Sturgeon Moon circle is open but never broken!

By Thegypsy

https://www.thegypsythread.org/full-sturgeon-moon-2019/

1 note · View note

dr-gloom · 4 years

Text

Some thoughts/analysis on the new episode, because the video itself and people's reactions were bugging me

Disclaimers: I don't hate Patton or Roman, I'm not calling Patton abusive or manipulative, as those terms insinuate knowing what you're doing and I don't think Patton does know how he's coming across

- First I wanna just point out, as a few others have, that Thomas is once again wearing black and white while discussing a grey-area issue. I love the attention to detail

- The recap only really highlights that Thomas admitted to wanting something that contradicted Patton's statement of why he's a good person (or more specifically "perfect", which, as nice and friendly and lovely as that sounds, is a toxic mindset and I like that Thomas touched on that at the end), which is an interesting point to cover honestly, especially since later Thomas challenges Patton to call him a good person

- "Now kiddo, if you're gonna dish out Fs, why don't we make them friendly hugs?" I understand Patton was trying to lighten the mood and joke a little and all that, but he's not letting Thomas just... Be angry/upset. He's trying to control how he feels and steer away from negative emotions, which I thought he learned not to do??

- I love that Patton heard what he was saying and stopped. Good on him. But what he replaced it with is called guilt tripping and that's not much better. "I'm surprised you would say something like that about your friends. I always thought that when it came to your pals, that sort of language would be... Ineffable?" It may sound gentle and sweet, but he's still saying "you can't talk about your friends like that" (and I get it, we all know that's not how Thomas really feels, but again he needs to be allowed to express himself). You can tell from Thomas's face while Patton's talking that the guilt tripping worked, at least for a moment.

- Anyone else notice a little Logan shining through in Thomas's words/actions the first portion of the video?

- "If our goals aligned with his what would that say?" Uhmmm gee lemme think Roman... Maybe that you care about Thomas's mental health and desires???

- I think it's very telling that during the rap Thomas cuts Patton off right before he's about to say something that, judging from the graphics, was going to make him sound heroic and said "I made this choice", while looking very... Upset.

- Okay so when Thomas was all "why didn't I just talk to them???" I felt hella vindicated but the second time I watched I finally heard Roman say "I mean I kinda brought that up before but it got shut down faster than an Antarctic icepop shop". Like... Fuck, they seriously do not appreciate or listen to Roman at all

- Patton brushing them off with "Eh well hindsight is 20/20" pissed me off so much. No empathy whatsoever. Jesus Christ.

- Roman's reaction when Thomas said no to the whole future vision thing made me laugh and no one is talking about it

- But yeah Thomas talking about using foresight has a total Logan Vibe

- Patton's reaction when Thomas says "I made a decision with a blindfold on" is... Interesting...

- Seriously that cat analogy was so specific.....

- One should never base their decisions on "well they've helped me before so I owe them" like. No. Patton, Roman, stop. He should have decided to go because he wanted to, not because he owed it to them or you made him feel like shit

- "Those baby-making Catholics" lmfaooooo

- "You, thinking about giving their wedding a pass all because of a callback that, really, might not work out". That bugged me too, because it can just as easily be argued he gave up his big break for a wedding he barely participated during. If we're being completely logical here (and borrowing from a later concept of how our time is better used), his time would have been better-spent at the callback since he wasn't even mentally present at the wedding

- "Maybe they understand, and maybe they still want you to go to the wedding but feel too guilty to say so. Or, maybe you end up going to the wedding, and they feel guilty seeing you there because they feel like they took a big opportunity away from you". First off, they did (or would have, had the conversation taken place and they insisted he come). Secondly I personally feel like he owed it to them (and yes, I'm aware how that sounds but I can't think of better phrasing) to talk about it with 100% honesty on both sides, because now he's angry that he went to their wedding and they have no idea. Sure, the vid ends with them coming over to catch up, but if it hadn't? That's the kind of shit that festers very easily. I feel like he'd have been more satisfied if he had still decided to go after talking with them. I think Thomas realizes this too when he responds to Roman's question with a very sure, very adamant "No."

- "This was our chance to be there for them when it counted". I know this is me reading into things but it felt like he was saying anything else he may have done for them doesn't matter or isn't good enough

- "Why does their complexion matter" LMFAOOOOOO omg roman

- "... We can all agree that you're a good fellow-" "Can we? All agree on that?" Like fuck, Thomas still isn't sure what Patton thinks of him? That cuts deep. And... Patton still hasn't apologized. He conceeded that he's "been a bit much", which is far from the same thing

- pfffft what the fuck was Roman trying to do???

- "Well that's a relief... I think". Meaning Thomas still isn't fucking sure where Patton stands. I have to admit his dialogue did sound a bit circuitous

- he almost said GameStop lmfao

- why is he fixating so much on frogger

- "At least 16 graphics!" I died laughing

- "By the liquid lipstick of William Shakespeare" wut the fue? Lmao

- "just like you don't have to get him a hotdog" "I feel like you kinda do... Maybe". I know Janus says it later on but he was right when he said peppering in a few "I don't know"s and "maybe"s does not a conversationally-conscious person make. Like, he didn't even add the maybe until Roman reacted negatively to what he was saying

- I'm surprised Logan said it'd be wrong for Thomas to keep his money to himself tbh

- Roman mouthing "behoove". Like, c'mon dude, stop being such a dick to Logan when he's just trying to help

- Logan's so done he's not even trying to hide it. Like you can see the annoyance clear on his little pixelated face

- Also did anyone notice that Logan kept getting cut off so the next time he "spoke" he made them read it aloud so they'd actually fucking listen

- "Yeah! As long as that's not the main reason you're doing it!" Honestly though, most people do good things for their own benefit; tax benefits, That Good Feeling, compliments from others etc. It doesn't diminish the effect of the good act, so who cares?????

- "You shouldn't do a good thing just because it makes you feel good... I-I think." He's trying so hard but he's just not understanding how this works is he. Also it's interesting that he preaches holding to your values and not nitpicking situations yet he's literally doing it right now because last time he just... Needed to counter Janus and couldn't admit he'd had a fair point

- "Deceit said you'd be doing the right thing for a selfish reason if you did it for your own emotional gain". You can tell by his tone he's trying to make Thomas see Deceit as wrong and bad but like literally two seconds later he audibly confirms he feels the same way

"Definitely! Maybe... I think so... What do you think?" Tbh I'm proud of him for asking someone else's opinion, esp cause he's screwing this up so horrendously

- man if Roman being scared to share his opinion after Patton visibly disagrees isn't a huge red flag idk what is

- the world of the video game is called AU I'm screaming

- I'll always be salty that Roman once again shoved a "dark side" into the villain roll without asking

- I don't agree with Patton automatically assuming that just because the hero wants a reward, it means he doesn't care about the people he saves getting it. People can have multiple motives and wanting recognition isn't bad or evil or selfish

- I'm so fucking glad Thomas snapped and asked "am I not allowed to feel good if I do something good" because that's basically what Patton's saying and no one was addressing it. And Patton saying that can't be a valid motive is honestly fucked up

- during the trolley problem the options toggle the most between morality, anxiety, and denial. Idk, it's just interesting

- it's also interesting that Patton views moving the trolley as worse than letting it stay, meaning he thinks small active murder is worse than larger, passive murder. Not bad or good or anything, just interesting

- I hate hate hate that Patton silences Logan when he's the one who asked him to say something, especially since he follows that with "oh you can't really learn good morality from a book hahahaha". Like dude just acknowledge that you don't agree but there are other valid points of view, my god

- also you can tell from the color that Janus totally put that skip button in, meaning Logan really, really wanted to continue but Janus could see it wasn't going to get them where they needed to go

- "stu-ooper dooper unique mustache" lmfaooooo

- Thomas keeps coming back with something along the lines of "I need the answer to X so I can meet your expectations". He even says "I don't understand what I need to change so I can meet your standard". Last time I did a post like this, back when SvS came out, I said Patton has too much sway/control over Thomas, and he still does. Thomas doesn't try nearly as hard to "meet the standards" of his other sides, but in this instance he's desperate to know how he can appease Patton. I don't think that's necessarily a good thing, given that it's likely because he wants Patton to say without hesitation that he's a good person

- Roman thinks he's the problem I wanna cry

- "And I'm an awful driver" I laughed so hard

- "I only mean well when I say that that is the stupidest thing you have ever said" I can't stop laughing XD

- "You're just blowing smoke" seriously someone help me

- Roman's reaction when Thomas says he feels guilty just killed me. They all just acknowledged that Roman is his motivator and Thomas comes out and says his motives make him feel guilty? Ouch

- "Doing nothing is even worse!" Patton honey I'm begging you to please stop talking omg this is going so poorly

- "doing nothing is worse than doing a good thing for the wrong reasons" first off, who's to say what a wrong reason is, and secondly, that's an interesting take from the man who refused to move the trolley 👀

- oooof Thomas's relief when Logan cuts in though

- "Huuuuuhhhh I do need help" fuck, I wanna cry, poor Thomas

- "Logan, like you said this isn't your area of expertise" ITS NOT YOURS EITHER ROMAN OMG

- "Every point you've made in today's discussion has contradicted that sentiment" YES LOGAN JANUS SLAY. Also anyone else notice Patton looking to the others for validation because I Sure Did

- oh man though I thought Logan was finally getting the chance to lay into Patton and take him down a peg and it turned out to be Janus

- "Oh, is it not? Please, correct me if I'm wrong." yeah paTTON CORRECT HIM IF HES WRONG (notice how he doesn't even have an argument to that, all he can say is "you're wrong!")

- honestly the way he goes from 0 to 60 should've tipped us off that that was Janus

- I wanna know if Patton turned into a muscular frog irl

- idk Patton feels like a villain when he's all "Thomas you choose!"

- "What have you done with Logan?!" "Nothing at all and I resent the question" weeeeeelp there goes loceit

- even Janus admits Patton is misleading unintentionally can we all calm down now

- I find it interesting that Thomas willingly stays behind Janus

- "Sure if he's in that kind of situation then of course he should focus on himself. But does he deserve it? I don't know." *Record scratch* excuse me wHAT?????? And like, you can't ignore the obvious symbolism behind that attack missing Janus and hitting Thomas. Thomas is knocked out and Patton just ... Keeps talking? Jesus fucking christ

- and Roman so adamantly attacking Janus has a very pre-AA vibe to it

- "Not that any of you care, but I am unharmed, and I don't want to talk about it." Thomas looks like the only one genuinely concerned when he says this and that hurts

- Janus looks so happy that Logan's backing him I wanna cry my baby aaaaaaa

- SOMEONE FINALLY ACKNOWLEDGED THE CHOICE ROMAN MADE AAAAAAA THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU can we stop acting like Janus is evil now please

- "Well when is it enough?!" ".... Trees?" I'm STILL LAUGHING SOMEONE HELP ME

- I'm so fucking happy Thomas doesn't agree with Roman about trusting Janus

- Roman laughing and saying Janus's name is stupid and Janus's jab about him and Remus just... Gutted me y'all. Thems some hurt boys. And he looks to Thomas and Patton and they just... Can't side with him, cause they know that was hella fucking rude of Roman.

- I genuinely believe that Janus's nod meant Thomas was telling the truth. Based on his facial expression (which was slight but idk I notice more stuff than most people apparently???) He was trying to reassure Roman. And Roman just... Took it the completely wrong way, because he still thinks all Janus does is lie. When Roman says "wow, I can't believe this" you can actually see Janus's smile disappearing, because he realizes Roman took the nod the wrong way

- aaaaand then he immediately goes into attacking Janus. *Sigh*

- "Everything's gonna be okay, kiddo. We love you." "*Scoff* Right." I truly believe the next video is gonna be about Roman, because there's no way in hell they could ignore the obvious hurt and self-deprecation coming off of Roman

- "Janus? Is there a limit to how many times a person can say sorry before you have to admit that they're just bad for you?" Patton was talking about himself. Whether Janus was trying too hard to be witty and missed that or what, his reply hurt Patton, and you can see that Janus realizes his mistake with Patton's reaction. We have to remember that this isn't a side who's used to how the others communicate, though. He doesn't spend time with them outside of the few videos he's shown up in because of how they treat him. It's gonna take him time to get the little things like this and until then there's gonna be a lot of hurt feelings and (hopefully) apologies

- Janus immediately backtracks once he realizes what the real question was and says "... it depends... How many things have they had to apologize for? How frequently do they have to apologize for things? How terrible were the things that they did? One of the biggest factors in my very humble opinion is whether or not they seem to be making an honest effort to do better" this is Janus trying to tell Patton "you aren't bad for Thomas. I see how hard you're trying. It's okay"

- you can totally see Janus realizing why Patton fights him so hard while Patton is explaining how hard shit's gotten as Thomas grows up

- "Janus?" "I'll take care of him" y'all I need the tissues

- Janus trying to lighten the mood with the whole push-someone-down-the-stairs thing just... Made me die laughing. Y'all know he's hella good at April fool's pranks okay? Okay

- "You're not stuck with an evil snake boy, you're just stuck with a snake boy" HES SUCH A DORK I LOVE HIM

- I reacted the exact same way to Thomas saying Janus was right omg

Again, I'm not saying I hate any of the characters, this is just a stream-of-consciousness analysis-and-commentary-type post on the new episode

#sanders sides #ts spoilers

68 notes · View notes

jarofrebuke-transcripts · 3 years

Text

Jar of Rebuke Episode 2 Unofficial Transcript

Season 1 Episode 2: Snipe Hunt

INTRO

The following audio recording is classified documentation for Case [audio distortion] with the Enclosure. Unauthorized access to this information will lead to immediate intervention. Progress further if proper clearance has been given.

JARED

Been a bit since I've done this, but man, what a week! First, I've been working with Dr. Castillo for a couple of weeks now. She's not bad by any means, but she's... well the kind of “always chipper” that comes off with a seething rage just below the surface. She always smiles with gritted teeth and is pretty passive aggressive. I mean passive aggressive for it to be notable around these parts. But I do really like her sarcastic wit. Most of our conversations are more like bickers, but we were able to finish up that research really quickly when she came on. Very intelligent, zero complaints about her skills. But I guess neither of us wanted this work partnership thrusted upon us, but that's how Todd runs things. We're making it work but I think we're both a little less than thrilled with the sudden change. When there's no work to do, she goes off and does her own thing in the lab of her computer. She keeps looking at me but doesn't say anything. It's always brief glances, but never pleasant. I don't think she hates me, but more like she really doesn't like the situation that we're in. I mean I can't blame her- she seems far more pleased with the job that she had before the sudden transfer. She wasn't working as directly with the dangerous creatures previously. I don't even think they gave her a pay raise for compensation. I don't even think anyone in the Enclosure really gets hazard pay.

Anyways, things got really nerve-wracking a few days ago when I had no projects, no anything to work on while on shift, which never happens. I was desperate for something to do so I actually went into town after work and just walked, kinda aimless mostly, but seeing and hearing everything in town was nice. More stimulating than the buzzing lab lights. I did maybe four or five laps around the downtown roundabout in total. Not in a row, I stepped into different shops as I meandered so I didn't look too weird looking for something to do. It was late afternoon so the heat was a bit much to just stand around outside anyways. Wouldn't have been so bad if it wasn't so humid. First shop I went into was Mrs. Weddington's little bakery. Dr. Rahal loves that place. They've even swapped recipes, apparently. I haven't heard anyone use his first name so often till I started to frequent that bakery. Amir. It's weird to call him that but he said it's all right. As long as I'm not in his medical office for a checkup or whatever he said he's fine with a first name basis relationship.

Anyways, I went to Mrs. Wedington's bakery to pick up some snacks. She told me that the local charity snipe hunt tournament to support the local school was coming up in the next day or so, and she planned to bake a bunch of different things for it. Dr. Rahal... uh, Amir, planned on helping out with it. Not a lot of people in the enclosure go out and actively participate in town events, but he loves to do so. I've heard of the local charity snipe hunt tournaments the last few years but had never really asked about them. So I finally did. She explained that every year the town comes together for the big snipe hunt where everyone meets up in the late evening with, with bags and little noise makers for the hunt. But there's food first since no one should snipe hunt on an empty stomach. Tournament group leaders will lead groups out and explain what the snipe looks like. Eventually one person is left alone in the woods or fields that they're searching and has to use the bag and sound maker that they're given to defend themselves and make their way back. Only group leaders know who is to be left behind and they have to inform everyone else in the group for them to abandon the chosen person and return to the main event. The first duped person back wins a prize and the last duped person back suffers a punishment that varies from year to year. A rite of passage, she said. I asked what these “snipes” looked like and she told me it changes every year. “Depends on whatever the tournament group leaders are feeling that year,” she told me with a warm, almost excited smile. When she'd realized I'd never been to one she said that “I simply must!” Sure, I'm not really one for community events like this but Dr. Rahal always seems happier when he's more involved. Even for an employee of the Enclosure he's still pretty engaged with and welcomed by the townsfolk in Wichton. So, I signed up, like an idiot. Okay, not an idiot, but my luck proved itself.

So I went to the event, made my donation to the school, and I even tried to cook something to bring, but I'm not... I'm not a bad cook, I can cook, I just don't really like cooking. I prefer going out and supporting the restaurants and places in town and bringing the food home. But I did try, and I made some cookies, and they didn't end up being too bad, they were well received. Though I was told they could have done with a bit more, um, “huh, I don't know what's missing, they're still good though!” is what they said. Probably love or a bit of this, a bit of that. You know, the usual missing ingredients. I was put into a team with Holly Darling as the leader, and while Holly is a great person, they have an amount of energy that I have no clue how to keep up with. So it was me, Holly, and a bunch of high schoolers. I'm not terrible with kids but I'm not experienced with kids. At least not kids with normal eyes that don't just wander the sides of the road or knock on my door on and off for hours in the middle of the night. So I just fully let Holly take the lead. Followed with my burlap sack I was given and my flashlight in hand since it was starting to get dark. I walked behind the kids into the woods by the creek on the edge of the fields as Holly described the “snipe” that we were looking for- a sort of rodent-esque creature with the markings of a skunk, but a build more like a small dog. I couldn't tell if they were just pulling this out of their ass or not, but the teens were all on high alert for it. One had a slide whistle, another had a sort of clicker that they used to click out various things to try and stir up any sign of this mysterious snipe. In my time at the Enclosure, I've never heard or read of a snipe, so if it's a real thing then it isn't even on our radar. That doesn't mean it's not real, and that doesn't mean it's not dangerous. It just means I went into this thing totally unprepared.

As the search continued, I actually got pretty into it. Sure, I was going against a bunch of literal teenagers to catch something that I never did get an answer if it even exists, but I actually got pretty competitive. Whether it was to make up for my subpar cookies or because it was something to do, I don't know. But I got so sucked into the search and trying to best these heckling jerks of kids that I didn't even think twice when Holly whispered a bit louder than needed- “over there, the bushes, I see its tail!” (nervous laugh) I threw myself into that bush with the bag, I didn't even think i just grabbed and tried to catch whatever I could grab. What I caught was a bunch of leaves and twig that snuck behind my glasses and poked me in the eye. No living creature, no snipe. I didn't even hear laughter, which is what I'd expected to hear. When I looked up they were all gone. I never even heard or saw them take off, absolutely zero sign of them. There one second, gone the next. And I realized I was duped. I was the dupee, a dupee with a sore eye.

As soon as I realized my situation I brushed myself off and with the utmost composure, started the trek back to the main event. Survived my rite of passage, right? I’d be more part of things, right? Jumping into that damn bush would have to be worth something. But as I made my way towards the edge of the woods I realized I was suddenly much farther from the tree line than I originally was. At that point I couldn't even see the tree line anymore, but I knew what direction I had to go so I started back from where I came. I started to fidget with the burlap sack to keep my hands occupied as I walked, the sound of the cicadas in my own footsteps were all I could hear. I was more frustrated than anything. Of course I was the one ditched. I thought they would pick one of the kids, let them have their laughs and go from there, but I guess they'd get better laughs if it was someone else they could focus on together. Huh, nothing brings a community together better than casting collective judgment. As I walked back towards the tree line I eventually heard the sound of something walking behind me. I could tell there was a good distance between me and the sound but I don't like surprises. I turned around as quickly as I could and saw one of those three-eyed deer with perfectly symmetrical yet overgrown horns, and slightly humanoid hind legs. Not too uncommon in these parts, not usually much of a threat, but still unsettling to see up close. They took me a while to get used to, but this line of work desensitizes you pretty quick.

Those in town know to avoid these deer, other creatures in the woods know to avoid them too, so I should have backed off sooner. We locked eyes for what felt like hours, however long it actually was I don't know. I didn't feel threatened at first, more like I was being analyzed. But then I heard a voice in my head.

[echo-y voice] “Run.”

So I did. Not immediately, as I normally would have and definitely should have, but after one or two awkward steps away the deer bucked up and made like it was gonna charge. So then I took off. I don't know if the deer got territorial or startled or what but I didn't have time to try and figure that out at the moment. I ended up dropping the bag and flashlight and just sprinted as fast as my legs would take me towards the tree line that had only just then started to come back into view. It was definitely dark but my eyes had adjusted pretty quickly to take in what light they could from the moonlight.

[echo-y voice] “Faster.”

No matter how fast I forced my legs, the sound of hooves against the dirt and leaves were never too far behind. In fact in mere moments it was right behind me. And then I felt something slam into my back, hard. I was sent flying forward and skidded across the ground. I had never had a violent encounter with one of these deer before, but when the snipe hunt tournament leaders spoke about returning and surviving. Well... what was it about that day that made it special for them to host it on? I mean the same time every year in the same part of the woods? In the same parts of the fields. What was making the deer more volatile instead of fleeing or just staring like they tended to? I'd seen them buck but they'd never charged me. I wasn't wondering that then, of course. No, then I was scrambling back onto my feet. I'd even lost my glasses for a bit but I found them again pretty quickly, when my hand slammed down on top of them in my rush up and definitely broke part of them. Speaking of breaking, it definitely felt like the damn knot deer broke something when it bucked me or at least cracked a few ribs. They do pack a good hit when angered. Looking back I'm surprised it had stopped after hitting me just once. As if it had made its point.

[echo-y voice] “Get out.”

So with my busted glasses in hand, I booked it past the tree line and took off into the fields. In the distance I could see the lights and the bonfire and the rest of the attendees, mostly the remaining chaperones and the parents of those kids who were out on the hunt at that point. Some kids, including those that had duped me in the woods, were near the fire. No one seemed to notice me at first. And they're hurting... it hurt so much to run. And I did what you're never supposed to do and looked back over my shoulder as I ran to see if the deer was still there. It was but it just stood by the tree line. It stood still as stone, and many other of those multi-eyed not-deer were standing next to it. It could have been a whole herd of them, all watching as I rushed back to the group. All standing on their more humanoid hind legs, watching, watching as I ran back. I heard some sort of banshee screech from the woods echoing over the field which caused me to hoof it faster. But no one else at the party seemed to even react. Had they not heard it too? Sore eye, sore back, and sore lungs from the exertion. I hate this flesh prison sometimes. Eventually Holly called out my name. Their voice was obviously loud but it was hard to hear over the sound of blood rushing behind my eardrums. The fear is never dying, considering I know I'll always come back, but that doesn't mean that the pain of death doesn't suck! When the whisper in my head tells me to run, I run. Who would be stupid enough to ignore that instinct?

Once back to the gathering I was mostly relieved that the deer had stayed in the forest. But it didn't pass my attention though while I wasn't the first dupee back, I wasn't the last one either. That caused a sense of relief but to a much lesser extent. I put back on my glasses which don't fit too well anymore. One of the arms is hardly attached now. I'm gonna have to file for a better replacement pair than the spares that I'm wearing right now. But the Enclosure takes its sweet time actually getting people their replacement glasses and things like that. It wasn't until I started to get the various congratulations and two firm pats on my very tender back and handshakes from people, that I really came back into the moment. I saw Dr. Rahal, Amir, over by the food tables with Mrs. Weddington, both smiling and laughing. When Holly came and congratulated me saying they wish they'd recorded me leaping into the bush, I saw over their shoulder that Darius was there with his dads, talking to some of the other farmers in town about something or other. All smiling, all having a good time. I saw other people just enjoying the night, waiting for their kids to come home. But with the way the deer had reacted to me, I could not help but wonder why. I didn't find myself too worried about the other kids, but I was worried about why the deer were acting rather... uncharacteristically. They normally weren't so hostile, especially not when it's just a lone deer like it had been at first. I mean usually the worst you get with an encounter is a harsh stare down and a twisting in your stomach, but they don't normally attack like that. At least I'd never been attacked before and I've definitely seen them before. I even asked one of the other group leaders why they picked this time of year for the hunt. Was it the weather? Tradition? The answer was indeed tradition. It had always been done this day of the year, sometimes would even cancel school for it the next day. So why change it? Why change what has worked for so long? We don't often change traditions. Point taken, I guess.

I ended up gravitating towards Darius and his circle. I didn't necessarily join in on the conversation, I just stood nearby with my cup of hot apple cider from his family's farm and listened. They really hadn't heard the scream, or if they did they just weren't acknowledging it. Either option was equally likely and I didn't like that. Darius eventually noticed me and came over to talk which helped my nerves a bit. He asked about my glasses, mentioned that my eye looked swollen, and I just told him that I fell on my way back. He asked if I was alright and I was actually honest with him! A little shaken, a little sore but all right. He offered to drive me home but it wasn't a long drive home and I didn't have much energy to socialize anymore. And I really just wanted to melt in my bed and sleep, the pain in my back really wasn't helping my frayed nerves. I also really didn't want to have to come back here to retrieve my run-down car later. Darius said he understood but if I changed my mind to just let him know. I smiled and thanked him and then finished my cider.

I ended up heading home before the last dupee returned. When I got home I was met with another one of those black eyed children at my door. It was seated at my doorstep and stared at me the entire time I made my way from my car to the front door. It made its unintelligible whispers that eventually turned into some monotone requests for shelter. But I just avoided eye contact and went inside. The taps on my door were louder than usual. That with the pain in my back and my ribs made it hard to sleep. And it was like that for days- taps and pain, tossing and turning in bed to get comfortable, covering my head with my pillow to block out the sounds. Apparently the loser of the snipe hunt just suffered some heckling from his peers, nothing too severe, at least in my book. Damn kid didn't get bucked by a damn deer, should be grateful.

And that leads to today. On my way home from some errands in town after work I saw a singular deer in my yard. It was a normal deer, two eyes, asymmetrical antlers, much smaller than the ones in the woods that I saw a few nights back. But when I made eye contact with the deer in my yard, I heard that whisper again

[echo-y voice] “Don't look back next time.”

And then it took off, like some messenger just trying to leave after following orders. It pranced out into the fields and kept going until I couldn't see it anymore. The headaches still linger, I think any worsening was just from the run-in with the deer, or being run into by the deer, I guess. Whatever had angered the deer that night, I couldn't help but feel like there was almost a sense of warning to it. Not a territorial warning, but a warning of something else. That deer easily could have stomped me into the dirt and left me for dead if it had wanted, but it had just wanted me out. Why?

Work has kicked back up again, and there's some energy signature that keeps moving about the cornfields then they keep picking it up and saying that it's much stronger than the usual bursts they see in those fields. And they want Dr. Castillo and I to look into it. Tomorrow is going to be a much longer day at the office, but I much prefer being busy than bored. I might have to see Amir again about the pain in my back, but it's gotten better over time so I might not even worry too much about it. I almost wish the deer had killed me, at least I could have come back close to fully healed. What's a few more scars anyway, it's not like anyone ever sees them.

I'm gonna go take a hot bath to see if that helps my back any. I might see if I can find anything on what might be causing the heightened aggression from the not-dear, just ignore the tapping on my door while I can, try and get some reading done. I'll talk to you later. This is Dr. Jared Hel, signing off, again. [tapping sounds]

OUTRO

Jar of Rebuke is written and produced by Casper Oliver, who is also the voice of Dr. Jared Hel. Disembodied voice provided by Cecil Fox. The intro is read by Vanessa Rosengrant, and credits are read by Ashley Craft, who has also created the podcast official graphics. Music was created by Luke Menniss, spelled m-e-n-n-i-s-s, who you can find and support on Bandcamp, Spotify and Twitch. Find us on Twitter, Instagram and anywhere else you get your podcast fix for more Jar of Rebuke and also to get updates on upcoming official merch for our show. Support projects by this crew on Patreon to further other queer-lead projects and get neat perks. All donations are appreciated and will grant further clearance to special Jar of Rebuke content. You can also make one-time donations on Ko-fi. And special thanks to our patreon supporters Becky Thompson, Perry Bruns, and Tristan Fraud.

#jar of rebuke #jar of rebuke podcast #jor podcast #jar of rebuke transcripts

7 notes · View notes

sistersblack · 4 years

Note

Aw sweet, a Lucissa fan! Can I rant to you about how much I hate it when people portray Lucius as an abusive husband and father in stories? I think the films actually had a part to play to this, with them (not overtly) extending Lucius' unpleasantness to his treatment own family and kinda diminishing his one positive quality. I'd like to imagine they had a healthy, happy marriage- viewed each other as equals and all that, because that kind of purity makes an interesting juxtaposition with the-

-society they grew up in. Every time, I see someone saying that Narcissa's a better person than Lucius, I grind my teeth, because I believe very strongly that the Malfoys are perfect family unit- and would be one worthy of admiration if they weren't such nasty individuals (Narcissa included). We saw Narcissa giving Lucius emotional support in DH, but I imagine he's done the same in other situations - like when Andromeda left, for example. (I have to confess that a reason I'm so bent of insisting that they're equals is because it's a recurring pattern in popular literature- and HP has quite a few examples- to make the woman in the family stronger/more competent than the man. I have no problem with it in a vacuum, but I'm starting to dislike more and more of the commentary it generates.) Well, that concludes my rant. I apologise in advance if I come across as rude. Good day!

ahh honestly, rants are always welcome. and i agree with a lot of this!

i have to admit that when i was first reading the series i fell into the abusive!lucius trope, but it was mostly because of the fandom content i was interacting with at the time + a little self-projection, and probably also a desire for draco to be more sympathetic. now though, when i reread the books (dh especially), i don’t see the basis for it. the happy family/loving marriage narrative is a personal preference but i also really do think that’s how they’re supposed to come across? like their love for their family is their saving grace; which isn’t to say i think everything is sunshine and rainbows – they can be bad people and care about each other, they can make bad decisions for their son and not be abusive, they can be cold and harsh sometimes and still care – i just don’t think their family unit is as cruel as it’s often portrayed. (though idrc if people disagree with me about it- i just try to avoid the content as much as possible bc it’s not my cup of tea. live and let live, and all that.)

I see someone saying that Narcissa's a better person than Lucius, I grind my teeth…

sdfgsdkhfg same, ish. morality in the context of observation vs. participation is something that can be debated all day. i’ve seen takes say narcissa is better than lucius because she was never an active death eater etc. etc., and then i’ve seen an equal amount say she’s just as bad because of the passive support. for me, i think she has a bigger capacity to be a better person than he does, but i don’t think that makes her better. (not in canon as it is, at least. post-canon/malfoy redemption narratives are a whole other thing, i feel, and my thoughts about it always go back and forth.)

the thing i hate the most is the ‘she’s a good person bc she lied to voldemort’ takes that don’t consider literally like. anything else? because i just don’t think she would’ve lied had draco been safe at her side. i interpret her goodness as self-serving (i interpret most of her as self-serving, but you know). not to be a dick and quote my own fic but this exchange i once wrote between andromeda and molly sums it up for me:

“It was a good thing your sister did.”

[…] Andromeda turns back to the paper, to her sister’s cold face. A good thing, she thinks. Good, yes, but good-hearted? She doubts it. […] Narcissa loves her family, that can’t be denied, but Andromeda knows that merely means they’re included in her selfish drive to come out on top. Knows, because she’d had a place for Andromeda in it, once.

idk. in general i think fandom conversations about who’s good and who isn’t are too black and white and often diminish a character’s complexity by trying to push them into good/bad labels. but this is just my poorly worded two cents.

also i get what you mean re: insisting they’re equals. i suppose i have less of an issue with the pattern of emasculating male characters but i do see where you’re coming from; i don’t encounter it a whole lot with my fandom interests but there have been times where i have and the way it’s done has made me uncomfortable. as for lucius and narcissa though, i do think they come across as like, two sides of the same coin? i talk about it here a bit more, but (to me) they seem perfectly matched.

but anyway. no need to worry about sounding rude; have a nice day!

#so sorry this answer is a mess i’m very tired rn #mine #lucissa #narcissa #lucius #meta #Anonymous #ask

26 notes · View notes

hideyseek · 4 years

Text

50 Questions You’ve Never Been Asked

tagged by @usersoup <3

What is the colour of your hairbrush? it is .. black and turquoise, though i must admit that since i’ve cut my hair i rarely use it.

Name a food you never eat? huh. caviar? i tend to forget about the existence of foods i don’t eat until i’m on the instacard website. chocolate ice cream, i guess. that’s like, a normal-person food i never consume.

Are you typically too warm or too cold? i am constantly too cold. as i type this i am in my apartment in sweatpants under a blanket and my roommate is in shorts and a tshirt.

What were you doing 45 minutes ago? mm i was reading a room of one’s own, at risk of sounding like the pretentious humanities major i am. i’m reading it out of desperation (we are in possession of the writer’s block and we would like to give it up as soon as possible), after having had it in my head to read since i came across a lin-manuel miranda tween in like 2015 telling all young writers to read it

What is your favourite candy bar? i don’t really like.. candy. twix or butterfingers, if i had to pick one at gunpoint.

Have you ever been to a professional sports event? yEAH u fucking bet i went to winterguard international championships twice in high school and bands of america championships once (both as part of my school’s winter/colorguard). i’ve never gone to a pro sportsball match though.

What is the last thing you said out loud? oh, are you really out there alone? (at my roommate, who is on the balcony with a desk lamp rigged up for optimal dirtball making).

What is your favourite ice cream? vanilla. or hazelnut. i fucking love hazelnut.

What was the last thing you had to drink? not to associate myself with brands, but i am drinking sprite as i type this.

Do you like your wallet? yes! i had my wallet nicked on a bus in the middle of the semester and my replacement is a lovely narrow black folding wallet that i am infinitely fond of.

What was the last thing you ate? the dregs of my cheezits, pepper jack flavor

Did you buy any new clothes last weekend? mm no, though during my phone call with my grandma earlier this week she told me i should buy more clothes no less than four times. she thinks i should own and wear more “pretty girl clothes” and i haven’t the heart to tell her that i think gender is fake.

The last sporting event you watched? i participated in a harry potter pub quiz over zoom the other week, if that counts. otherwise, probably something televised and american football related, several months ago.

What is your favourite flavour of popcorn? KETTLE CORN KETTLE CORN KETTLE CORN KETTLE CORN KETTLE CORN KETTLE CORN

Who is the last person you sent a text message to? oH thank god i have an interesting answer to this one -- my stage manager/playwright friend, whose recent play i am dying to get a copy of.

Ever go camping? yeah. my family used to go every august with some family friends.

Do you take vitamins? mm just vitamin d. (fuck off this was not meant to be a dick joke).

Do you go to church every Sunday? nah.

Do you have a tan? not anymore... even during the semester i spend most of my time underground in a basement rehearsal space or in the on-campus computer labs. (hence the vitamin d)

Do you prefer Chinese food or pizza? these are?? not equivalent at all in terms of scope? chinese food, of course.

Do you drink your soda with a straw? nah. can-to-mouth for me.

What colour socks do you usually wear? depends on how cold i am: i have some very lovely warm purple socks and some red and black socks that my dear friend gifted me for christmas last? year? but otherwise i have just sports shoes height white socks and black socks.

Do you ever drive above the speed limit? i am gay, i do not drive.

What terrifies you? failure, mostly. i hate that that’s my answer, but there you go. failure, or being putting myself in a situation where i don’t really have a choice in what happens to me.

Look to your left, what do you see? mm, i just moved from the study to bed so: the empty space in the loft bed railing where the ladder is, a blank wall, the edge and hinges of the bedroom wall.

What chore do you hate? none, really? i’ll get really passive-aggressive about some of the small apartment tidying things in my head, but not often enough that anything comes to mind now.

What do you think of when you hear an Australian accent? how my linguistics prof last semester had folks self-identify if they spoke non-american english in the middle of lecture

What’s your favourite soda? hm, hm. oH. there’s a vietnamese sandwich place in my hometown that has the best lychee soda. (a handful of google image searches informs me this is elisha aerated brand)

Do you go in a fast food place or just hit the drive-thru? hm, most of the time when i’m going to fast food i’m going to in-n-out with either a pile of theater people or my high school friend group, so sitting. er, going in.

Who’s the last person you talked to? roommates, in person.

Favourite cut of beef? i could not name cuts of beef if u asked me to really nicely. actually jk i know uh, ox... oxtail? i like oxtail soup.

Last song you listened to? am in the middle of listening to trenchh by cavetown but i’ve been alternating fob and cavetown and bastille on shuffle on spotify.

Last book you read? ella enchanted by gail carson levine, because it is my #1 comfort book.

Favourite day of the week? i like thursdays. they just sound nice.

Can you say the alphabet backwards? if i had like, several minutes, i probably could do it. but everything after w would involve me counting (counting? reciting?) from the beginning.

How do you like you coffee? i’ll drink it any way but black. i have discovered i do not like dalgona coffee. but i like the dark chocolate mocha that peet’s does in the winter a ridiculous amount.

Favourite pair of shoes? i have this pair of converse that’s grey stripes that always makes me feel like a Cool Arts Student, even though it’s actively terrible for my arches.

The time you normally go to bed? to bed? midnightish. to being asleep? usually 1-2ish.

The time you normally get up? eleven in the morning, apparently, since that’s what’s been happening now that i’m not setting alarms. during the school year, usually 7:30 or 8 because i work in the scene shop half the mornings of the week.

What do you prefer, sunrise or sunsets? conceptually? sunsets. aesthetically? also sunsets. metaphorically, though, i prefer sunrises.

How many blankets on your bed? i’ve got a blanket (duvet, maybe? comforter? i have never really vibed with these western concepts of bedding) and another knitted blanket.

Describe your kitchen plates: black and square and slightly chipped because roommates and i get a bit aggressive with cramming them onto the drying rack.

Do you have a favourite alcoholic beverage? i like hard cider. (i like soft cider better than hard cider, but the apple taste drowns out the alcohol taste enough for me to have a pretty good time.)

Do you play cards? haha yeah. whenever i’m home i play 24 with my little brother and lose a lot. or my family’ll play 21. or BS, which i fucking hate because i cannot lie for shit.

What colour is your car? still gay, still don’t drive.

Can you change a tire? mmmmmmmmmmm no. i have a shocking lack of car-related life skills for someone holding down a job that mostly involves wrenches.

Your favourite province? oh boy. hubei province, bc there’s no country specification and this feels less impersonal than if i were to just point somewhere in australia.

Favourite job you’ve ever had? hm, let’s limit this to work i’ve done for money, just to narrow the field down. (i tend to like the work i do a lot.) i really really enjoy working as a sound technician, especially as a mic assistant (it checks my “meeting people” box and my “helping people with their emotions” box and my “storytelling for an audience” box because at the theater i work at, pre-show mic check is me talking about my day and has resulted in a handful of people telling me i should try standup). the hours and pay are kind of crap, though. you don’t get friday nights when your friday nights are spent backstage of the same show you’ve heard twenty million times at this point. i also enjoy teaching computer science, because i just fucking like computer science. christ, i just,, miss being at work :c the production of newsies i was gonna do this summer got canceled.

How did you get your biggest scar? mm, pass.

What did you do today that made someone else happy? i, hm. everything that comes to mind feels vaguely manipulative, since i can’t really tell if people were made happy? oh! i had an extended slack conversation with one of the academic interns for the cs class i help teach that was basically just us bonding over word humor. he seems like the kind of person who would have gotten a kick out of it.

I tag: @kittog @wali21 @capt-ann @lemon-yellow @iamanonniemouse @raccoon-sex-dungeon @snakesonacartesianplane @eternalflarg @swimmingseafish (do it if u want! don’t let me bully u into anything)

#tag game #SOUP I LIKED THIS A LOT! THANK U #no pressure friends #!#but also i enjoy holding knowledge about the people i like

13 notes · View notes

unordinary-analysis · 4 years

Text

Episode 175

Honorable mentions:

The news report that one student was trying to turn into Isen was titled, “Retaliation Against Jokers”

The two definitions of “hunter” are: 1. a person (or animal) who hunts game or other wild animals for food or in sport. 2. a person who searches for or seeks something.

Wasn’t expecting so much on Isen, but now here we are

Claire’s instagram actually exists @little_apple7 and the first post was created on March 14, so you can go follow her if you want haha

Blyke already knows that Isen likes to look at girls from other schools, I don’t know why Isen’s hiding Claire from him smh…

I'm so hyper right now jesus christ

I wanted these posts to be getting shorter smh

Wait-- do Arlo and Sera know about when the superhero posse became the superhero posse? Lmao

The fact that all Seraphina knew about Claire was her name and her town, and that Isen was able to find her ilffkjkeajsfgdsf

DOES ANYONE KNOW THAT JOHN IS A YEAR OLDER THAN EVERYONE IN HIS GRADE OR ARE THEY GONNA FIND OUT WHEN CLAIRE SHOWS UP it’s not that big of a deal i'm just interested

Not proofreading so hopefully I didn’t cut myself off mid-sentence anywhere rip

Isen:

There’s actually a few things on my mind this week when it comes to Isen. First of all is his reluctance to be involved, which isn’t new and is actually something I’ve talked about before, but oh well. The second is his ability. I have also mentioned this before, but Isen’s ability has always seemed pretty vague to me, which is surprising considering that he’s one of the main characters and we’ve seen it a good amount of times.

Anyway: his reluctance to be involved with any of the hierarchy drama. Isen is, at this point, notorious for wanting nothing to do with Arlo and his drama. Though he’s being more straight-forward with this currently, Isen has always displayed this. At the beginning of the comic, Isen was hesitant about investigating John for Arlo. And there was also that time when Arlo made Isen head of the newspaper, despite Isen not wanting the job. Also when Remi became a superhero, Isen was kind of dragged along and resisted participating (kind of weird example if I’m honest). These are some quick examples, but there are more. I’m just kind of lazy tbh. Anyway, recently, Isen has been vocalizing his discomfort even more. The best example of that is probably episode 164 where Isen directly calls Arlo out for not only involving Isen in things he wants nothing to do with, but also for involving others. I talk about the nature of that conversation, and how it highlights the character differences in Isen and Arlo, in my episode analysis for episode 164. Anyway, Isen has a big issue with this and explains this to Arlo.

This theme of wanting to be left out of drama isn’t exactly specific to Isen, though. It’s a pretty common theme for people to be pissed off because they’re being forced into situations, usually by Arlo. Seraphina experienced this a little near the beginning of the comic when Arlo brought her along to turf wars even though at that point she’d stepped down from being queen. Elaine tends to experience this often, as well, though not exclusively with Arlo, whenever she is involved because of her healing ability. The big example is actually John, however. John has stressed many times that he just wanted to be left out of the hierarchy to all of the other characters, especially Arlo. This is his “reason” for taking down the school’s hierarchy. John didn’t want anything to do with the hierarchy, but when he couldn’t stay apart from it any longer, his remaining option to not be a part of the hierarchy was to destroy it.

My point is, that if Arlo keeps forcing people into situations and responsibilities that they either don’t want or aren’t ready for, he’s going to have a real issue on his hands, like what happened with John. He does realize this, however, which we found out after he was dethroned and was reflecting on his interactions with John. Regarding Isen, I think that there’s a possibility Isen will either fail Arlo or turn on him (hopefully teaming up with Cecile, but we’ll keep our fingers crossed for that one). Isen’s been too vocal about his dislike of being involved with things (wording?) to continue to go along with it. Even though he is a very temperate character and doesn’t usually act up, I don’t think this trait alone will solidify his loyalty to Arlo. That also wouldn’t be utilizing his character’s potential in the current storyline, and the plot is probably the most detailed and worked on aspect of UnOrdinary. The thing about all of this is, Arlo can’t exactly just leave people alone when they want to be left alone because all of his decisions are made on the behalf of the school and if he can secure the school’s well-being at the expense of putting more pressure on a singular person, he’s obviously going to do that. This is what makes Arlo’s situation so complicated. There is no “correct” answer. Arlo is involving Isen because he needs his expertise to investigate characters like John and now Terrence. Nobody else would be as effective as Isen, which is why Arlo turns to Isen. There isn’t any way for Arlo to totally win.

Anyway, like I said, I think that Isen will reach his breaking point relatively soon and Arlo is going to suffer from that. Whether it’s betrayal or not. This idea of forced involvement really involves both of these characters so any changes in their dynamic as it is right now will really affect the storyline, I think. We’ll just have to look out for this, however.

Their dynamic in this episode, though, is a bit too comedic to support any type of breaking point between the two, which makes me uneasy.

Now, let��s move on to the second topic of Isen’s section: his ability. Isen’s ability “Hunter” is one of my personal favorites. Mimicking a “hunter,” Isen has a set of skills that help him to track down and take down his targets. The list of skills is listed on the UnOrdinary Wiki as follows:

Targeting

X-Ray Vision (involving people) (aka when Isen detects location/heartbeat)

Enhanced Strength

Enhanced Speed

Telescopic Vision (Passive (?))

Enhanced Precision (similar to Targeting)

Enhanced Hearing

These are more of defensive traits, so here’s a bit of description on his offensive ability from me:

Built-up/wound-up punch: “He builds up his power into one punch, which, when let loose, is appallingly effective. His ability probably multiplies the force of his initial build-up, releasing when Isen’s fist hits his target.” -(my episode analysis of episode 126)

Visible “Target” on opponent: (Targeting from above, but used in a more offensive way)

“Isen’s general fighting style is a one-hit K.O. system. He attacks them with the strong attack, leaving his opponent weak, then rushes in for the “kill,” a kind of animalistic instinct… His method doesn’t require much strategy or stamina. It is efficient and precise. Strike to take down.” -(my analysis for ep 126)

Isen’s offensive is strong enough to hold up in a fight against Blyke (before Blyke started to level up) because in one of the first episodes, they have an ongoing battle over Isen’s pen that neither wins. This puts Isen’s offensive at relatively high (because Joker’s obvious power advantage didn’t really show this off when Isen and John fought)

Anyway, there’s the base of Isen’s power and kind of what we already know about it. But in this episode, we get to see it again, like I said before, it’s always kind of fascinating to me whenever we get to see Isen’s power. His is one of the more interesting ones in the comic by far. It’s animalistic nature paired with human mechanics creates an interesting blend that we don’t see in any other character really. The idea of Isen’s power is so alluring to me for some reason. I don’t know. I’m not really going anywhere with this lmao. Anyway, we learned a few things about Isen’s ability in this episode that we didn’t know before.

One: Isen does not have the passive ability to sense people/auras like John is theorized to have (this isn’t canon, right?). This isn’t anything surprising seeing as John’s ability is literally called Aura Manipulation, but it’s pretty exaggerated in this episode that Isen really needs to activate his ability to be able to sense people, even having to close his eyes, but the eyes part might be more about the execution of his ability, which is my third thing.

Two: Isen can sense people!! Lol this might seem a bit redundant after my last point, but this is something new from him that I haven’t really noticed before even though we’ve technically seen it before. In episode 124, near the end of the episode, we have a scene where Isen is running around the school scanning through walls and people looking for Seraphina. He is technically “sensing” people and is even able to identify them as not Seraphina, so obviously he has some way to distinguish people. This makes Isen almost like a walking Marauders' Map, for lack of a better explanation. I’m not really sure how to go deeper into this because I’ve never really been all that confident in talking about the UnOrdinary Characters’ powers, so I’ll just leave it here that I think Isen being able to sense/find people is really cool.

Three: Echolocation. This is something really new to this episode. In episode 175 (this episode lol), Isen is shown mentally standing in a black void/abyss along with Sera and Arlo with puddles like ripples around each character’s feet, when he activates his power to try to sense anyone else in the room. This visual is very similar to how bats, and other animals, use echolocation to “see.” Echolocation is, “the location of objects by reflected sound, in particular that used by animals such as dolphins and bats,” according to the Oxford dictionary. If Isen is truly using echolocation, then he locates people by soundwaves, which would make sense considering that sound seems to be the thing Isen is usually shown to be involved with (wording was bad but idc). I do think that this detail is a bit weak in comparison to echolocation because there have been times where Isen has sensed/tracked people where it would have been difficult to rely upon sound, like the school or the mall, but if his hearing is really that enhanced, it could still work. I’m also up for looking for things besides sound that Isen could be sensing with his ripple thing. I know I labeled this as echolocation, but it’s very possible he uses a more supernatural trait to utilize these. I just liked the idea of Isen having echolocation if I’m honest. I found this whole concept interesting because of the animal ties and Isen’s ability being named “Hunter.” I also might be tempted to look into bats specifically in the future if we get more details on Isen’s ability that make it worthwhile. I want to compare the two, but not if it’s unprompted.

Terrence:

We get some new information about Terrence in this episode and it is as follows:

Isen would put Terrence around a 2.4 ability-wise

Terrence only started attending Wellston at the beginning of the year

Along with this, we also get some less straight-forward, but just as meaningful, information. Isen says, “So the invisible guy at the mall… That was him too?!” which from a storytelling standpoint basically confirms that it was in fact him. This quote would not be included if it were not correct because it would only add confusion if it were incorrect (which is its possible intent, but I’ll talk about that in a second). Another quote from this episode was Arlo’s quote, “Then he, or whoever he’s working for… has some sort of fixation on hightiers.” Because of the same reasoning from above, this basically confirms that Terrence is working for somebody or else it would be a very random thing for uru-chan to include in the comic especially since there is no evidence for the characters to even suspect that Terrence is working for somebody. Same thing with Sera’s quote, “I’m almost certain that… Terrence is connected to my ability-loss.”

But, like I said, there is a possibility this is all a juke by uru-chan to get us to believe these things so she can successfully trick us and reveal that Terrence has been fighting EMBER this whole time or some shit, but I don’t think that is likely because if that were true, I feel uru-chan would have stressed this Terrence and EMBER connection even more than she has already. But this is still a possibility, though I will be ignoring it in this post. Because that would be just awful.

Anyway, now that that’s all out of the way and we are caught up, I don’t want to waste my time talking specifically about these things because they’re either too small of details or I’m not getting inspired because of them. The only interesting thing that we really learn this episode is that Terrence transferred to Wellston at the beginning of this school year (which is around when the first episode takes place), but I’m not sure what to think about that so I’m going to give it a week or two before discussing that. The rest is either unimportant or we basically already knew (or at least suspected).

What I am going to talk about is Terrence’s involvement with EMBER and my thoughts on it. I’ve been pretty clear in the past when I say that I think that Terrence is part of EMBER. I’ve made whole posts on this, okay? I think. I don’t know. It feels like I have.

Anyway, I’ve talked about this a little in the UnOrdinary chat here on tumblr, so come join if you haven’t. But basically, I think that Terrence works under EMBER to some extent, or however that would work, but on a lower-tier. He’s a lesser employee, I guess. I don’t really know how to phrase this, though it should be easy. I think that Terrence works at a level low enough where he is not directly being made aware of EMBER’s true intentions or actions, and that he’s probably been given some bullshit reason for the jobs he’s done that makes it seem to him like he is doing a good thing. EMBER might be really convincing too and have him thinking that the things EMBER is actually doing are good. Whatever it is, I think that Terrence thinks he is doing the right thing. This could be his incentive for working with them, though I like the thought that Terrence wants some of EMBER’s ability enhancers for either himself or someone he knows, because that has more potential as a motive.

So, I just said that the things mentioned in this episode are basically confirmed because of their mention, so I’m going to use them as examples of what Terrence has done under EMBER. The same goes for when, in episode 172, Seraphina thinks, “Invisibility? That day, on our way back from Kovoro Mall… the person following us also had invisibility. Is this just a coincidence?” That’s part of this for the same reasons.

I think Terrence’s main job is to spy on whoever he is told, but that from time to time, he is also required to do some other small jobs like being a lookout or the get-away car person (I don’t know what it’s called). He’s spied on John and Sera on their way back from the mall, he’s spied on the main characters in hallways at schools, etc. And he was the driver with the superhero posse’s mall incident.

Something brought up by the UnOrdinary chat was that Terrence would solve the problem of EMBER having to give out teddy bears to track high-tiers, but I think that giving Terrence the task of tracking the high-tiers at school would be way less efficient than direct trackers. Also, you don’t really want to rely upon a second-year in highschool for your entire scheme, now would you. So that’s why I think EMBER doesn’t use him to find high-tiers. Also, Terrence only has access to Wellston’s students, which is a very small pool compared to the literal rest of the world.

The only thing that I can’t exactly figure out is Terrence’s connection with the school newspaper. The best thing I could come up with was that Vaughn, the principal or whoever he is, is working for EMBER and is giving Terrence instructions on what to do, but that doesn’t make sense when you take into account that Vaughn hates the authorities and EMBER are probably working with or even are the authorities. Shame, though, this would’ve been interesting. Terrence does, however, go out of his way to publish his stories in the school newspaper, which needs an explanation… This makes me think that EMBER as an organization are focusing on Wellston specifically. Maybe because they know about John’s history and want to see what he would do to Wellston (which is another thing that could be a possible connection to Vaughn and why he’s so lenient about John’s actions). They might be using Terrence as a way to fuel/spark any conflicts or climaxes. There’s also the interesting detail that ever since Isen became the head of the newspaper, Terrence hasn’t submitted anything that big, at least according to Isen in this episode.

Anyways, I think that Terrence’s presence in the comic is a very big deal because it is the most direct connection to EMBER and their activities. Terrence, himself, might not play the biggest part, but he is a way for the other characters to dive into EMBER themselves, and a way for the audience to be reminded of the big, underlying plotline.

Claire:

Claire’s mention in this episode is one of the highlights to most people. And to me. I am most people. God, I love Claire. In 2018, the only two comments I made on UnOrdinary were, “Petition to transfer Claire to Wellston for drama,” and, “#TRANSFERCLAIRETOWELLSTON.” So, just the fact that we’re getting Claire is just blowing my mind right now. Obviously, I know she's not transfering, but I don’t care. We’re getting Claire. And I am screaming.

Anyway, we’re getting Claire interaction between Seraphina and Claire, which is not only very entertaining, but interesting considering how similar their experiences with John were. This is actually why Seraphina is reaching out to Claire. Seraphina is going into this interaction with the knowledge that John accidently views her as this person, which is bound to make an interesting dynamic between Claire and Sera. And dynamic. Is. Everything. Anyways, I don’t really have an analysis for this, but I want to make a bunch of kinda predictions because I feel like that’s all I can do.

I don’t think that Claire is going to want to talk to Seraphina at first, because she obviously wants to leave that part of her past behind. But they do eventually have to talk to each other so-- I think that Claire is going to be very serious towards Seraphina when explaining to her everything about John. This is why I think they will meet up in person right away, despite them having the option of texting and despite Claire living far away. Something else I’m excited for is all of the new things we’re going to learn about John. I think that Claire is going to be very interested to hear about how John became a cripple for about a year, because that’s just something I think Claire would find hard to believe. I’m interested in seeing what Claire knows about John’s dad and what their relationship is. I don’t know, just--John’s dad has gone for too long, especially considering what happened recently. Anyway, I think that Claire and Sera are going to end up as good friends. Either that or they’re going to hate each other, which would be amusing, but kind of unlikely. The thing about all of this is that we literally don’t know anything about Claire’s personality and what happened to her after John. She is unknown to us.

I also think that Adrion is going to play a big part in the comic as well, because his presence was focused on along with Claire’s a lot. Adrion was in, I think, every photo shown of Claire and John (in this episode). We also don’t know a whole lot about him, which is unusual because you would expect that we would at least know his ability, but we don’t. We know the abilities of almost every minor character, but Adrion is a recurring and important character. This is why I think he’s going to show up, and why I think he’s going to be different than he seems. Like, maybe he’ll be introduced to Seraphina as all friendly and stuff, but then we find out that he’s evil. I don’t know. I just like stuff like that.

This section is hella short for the topic it’s on, but because I don’t have much to add to this Claire thing and also that my feelings have kind of numbed out during the past week (because this is being written/posted really late), I don’t know what else to add. I’m just really excited and it’s hard to get your thoughts together about something you're really excited about. I don’t think we’ll get any interactions with her in the next episode, but the one after seems likely to me.

#episode 175 #official #webtoon #unordinary #unordinary webtoon #episode anaylsis

15 notes · View notes

anarkhebringer · 4 years

Note

hi i'm back, can i get some more modern felix stuff please? just anything you can think of would be perfect!

Hiiiii nonny, welcome back~~~

But anyway yee, you may have a lot of random modern Felix stuffs. I’m always happy to deliver. I’m gonna try to not make it too long, but it’s already a mile long now by the time I’ve made most of the main points so I might as well just roll with it a bit. This is definitely gonna be a very long read.

Living with his aunt for the number of years he has eventually led him to developing an occasional southern drawl when he speaks, since his aunt has one. It’s a very rare thing though, and almost never happens. When it does though, he HATES IT.

The influences on his speaking from his aunt mostly shows in his wording of things, since sometimes when he gets spirited about something he says “y’all” and such all the time. One time when Sylvain was just being Sylvain, and neither Felix nor Ashe could calm him, Felix just muttered “y’all’re gonna bleed me dry someday…” Sylvain and Ashe thought it was the cutest fuckin’ thing, and Sylvain calmed down after that. Neither mentioned the drawl though since they quickly learned from hearing stories that Felix will get really pissed if you tease him about it or even mention it too much for his tastes. Which is just mentioning it at all.

He’s not easily scared at all, but just walking past him wrong can make him jolt from being startled sometimes. That’s something from his traumas that’s finally starting to come to the forefront that couldn’t before, since he could suppress everything that hindered his progress in combat, but he can’t do that anymore.

He’s gotten to be a person who can really enjoy his leisure due to his really deep dive into depression that happened after he got his ability to be in combat taken away from him. He and Linhardt could have had a competition to see who can fall asleep while standing up and stay standing the longest. He has medication that helps keep him awake enough to not be able to do that anymore though, but he has really bad insomnia now as a result of his completely chaotic and inconsistent sleeping schedule. His stress wrinkles in the inner corners of his eyes are completely covered by the dark circles under them now that really shows his wear and exhaustion.

He won’t at all complain if he’s given a task to do by someone that isn’t in his household, and it’ll keep his mind active and keep his mood in a positive place if he isn’t overworked. He does get drained way easier now though if what he’s asked to do involves socializing or interacting with anyone in any way too much.

When he’s drained socially, he becomes very aggressive and unstable. He’ll get like he used to be and completely isolate, and lash out if you interrupt what he’s doing and you don’t want to actively participate. He’d still get mad that you interrupted him though, and he probably won’t let you participate unless you’re among a certain handful of people.

Ashe and Claude are the only two people who don’t mentally drain him whatsoever, and he could see them literally every day if they wanted to do that. Ashe because Felix cares for him so much, and Claude because they’re so similar. He and Claude don’t drain each other because they can go literal months without speaking, then pick up on what they left off on like they only stopped talking for a day or two. Same with Ashe, though Felix becomes slightly noticeably more down and sad when he doesn’t see Ashe for too long a timespan.

He has a secret love of cuddling, and also hides his full support of platonic PDA, cuddling, and even kisses and such if there’s enough mutual trust between the ones involved. He’s very touch-averse and sensitive to others touching him, so he only really lets Ashe, Claude, and Sylvain touch him to show affection. Only Ashe can do much, and he only really tolerates Sylvain’s occasional one-armed hugs or quick pats on the shoulder as he walks by. Ashe however can hug him (after making his desires to do so known of course), hold his arms, and even his hands, since Ashe is the kind to show affection by physical means whenever he’s allowed to do so. They even cuddle at night when Ashe stays overnight at his apartment.

He actually lets Sylvain cuddle with him too when Sylvain really needs the affection during hard times, though he never returns it unless he does so while he’s asleep. It’s become a comforting thing to wake up to, feeling the warmth of Sylvain against him and his arms wrapped around Felix’s frame, even though Felix didn’t really want it to become that. At first, anyway.

His depressive rut wasn’t all bad in some cases, and because of the isolation he went into, he’s become extremely artistic and tech savvy since he didn’t have much to do to occupy himself. Being extremely brainy as is really helped him get going with these things.

He’s also learned to hack and code on the computer from that rut too, and he could get you into anything you wanted him to. He knows all sorts of ways to hide himself under all sorts of circumstances, and clear his tracks if he’s found, so he could actually be extremely dangerous if he were to use this knowledge and skill for anything shady. The most he uses it for is to make modifications to games and explore the Dark Web as anonymously as possible when his morbid curiosities get the best of him, though.

Well, there have been times where he’s used his skills to scare people. There have been times where people have threatened his friends (namely Claude and Ashe), and to scare the bullies off, he hid himself and hacked into their devices to make text documents warning them to stay away or else there would be trouble, because they’re always being watched. That always managed to scare them off on the first try, and he’s never done anything more than that, because there was no need.

He’s super protective of what few friends he has. He’d willingly put himself in danger for them all the time, unless of course they got themselves into the mess they’re in and he feels they don’t really deserve to be helped out of a situation that’ll be them learning their lesson. Otherwise, he’s borderline obsessed with his friends’ safety and happiness. It’s hard to really see that outside of sudden outbursts from him, since he’s so averse to socialization and unable to understand/express emotions well, but if he’s really needed and he can mentally handle it, you’d best believe he’d be completely focused on doing whatever he could do to help a friend in need for as long as they needed him.

Stuff like this has his friends really knowing who he is eventually, and he doesn’t like that. He’s actually really nice, but his way of showing it isn’t exactly common. Onlookers would think he’s just indifferent unless he’s feeling particularly chipper and/or manic, but his friends get to be on the receiving end of conversation and see him do more personal things compared to others, so they know he’s far nicer than even he thinks he is. He’s become oddly patient compared to his old self, and can hold a conversation for a while longer than he used to. If you get him talking about certain topics, though, you could manage to talk with him for literal hours on end.

He’s overall pretty chill now. Depression has taken the constant explosive anger out of him. He’s still always angry and bitter to some degree, but not to the point of lashing out at every little thing that upsets him. He’s still just as blunt as he was before, but he’s become a lot more passive-aggressive and/or condescending when it shows, instead of sudden outbursts and hurling insults around at all turns. And to those who have received both from him, the current version of his aggression hurts them a lot more, since he shows so little emotion during the times he throws something out to hurt them. All they see is (sometimes) in his body language, and the bitter fogginess in those eyes from how empty he’s become. Even his tone has changed. He’s not as aggressive sounding unless he’s more angry than usual, but he’s got a bitter tone. Or worse, he sounds almost monotone, like he feels absolutely nothing. If he’s got the tone of voice he used to have before, know that he’s on the verge of snapping and lashing out, and that goes from angry sounding to yelling at any time. And he yells loud.

He tends to cry a bit more than he used to now, since he gets overstimulated really easily. He can hold it in around other people most of the time unless it’s particularly overwhelming and getting even worse. It sometimes reminds Sylvain of when they were kids, but then he feels bad thinking of it like that since Felix has more going on in his head than he did back then. He’s trying to work on stopping that association, and he’s starting to get better at not thinking of Felix when he was a kid when he cries.

He used to parade around talking about how he wasn’t one to laugh and joke, but nowadays he’s not like that anymore. He still won’t joke often, and jokes go right over his head and he doesn’t get it and may ruin it usually, but he lets himself laugh at things he finds funny. Not around other people, though. Unless it’s from something else he finds funny, like a YouTube video. His laugh is like an odd mix between Vinny from Vinesauce, Bluesdank, and FPS Diesel. He’s the rare kind of person that’ll laugh in 10 different ways in one sitting and them all be real laughter. The sound of his laughter isn’t too consistent at times.

There’s another reason he can’t do much anymore aside from his depression, and that’s because a year or so ago he had a fit of smaller seizures that shocked his system really bad because of how long it lasted. After that, his mental regression that was already happening because of what he has has gotten much faster in its progression.

Despite these new growing limits he has, he’s still doing his best to keep going and existing on doing what he can do with what he has, and he’s shifted from being solely focused on a person’s skills in battle to how much heart they have due to it. He won’t care about combat skills anymore if you aim to impress him, he cares more about what you bring to the table. Your skills with a sword don’t show what you put your heart into in life and what you do for yourself and others. If you wanna impress him, give him a gift from the heart, not anything store bought. Do something nice for someone. Draw him a picture, write him a letter, pick him some flowers you think he’d like. Maybe take him to the park? Talk to him about your interests, voice your opinions on what you enjoy. Something that you can put your heart into, and I can’t stress it enough. He cares about a person’s core more than their fighting prowess now. He’s sworn off of focusing so much on fighting forever since he got the ability to do so himself taken form him, and he refuses to still dwell on it with others, too.

Alright, that’s gonna be where I cut it off for now. Hopefully that was a good read. I’ve made Felix go through some shit in this AU, but hey, he’s one of the characters I picked to put a theme of healing and strength onto, so I gotta give him some lore to get him to the point of being so different now. Plus a softer Felix makes me warm inside, so I wanted to incorporate that in, too.

#asks #anonymous #long post #Fire Emblem AU #FE Modern AU #Fire Emblem Three Houses #Felix Hugo Fraldarius #FE3H Felix #AU info #AU headcanon

6 notes · View notes

timelordthirteen · 5 years

Text

Killing Time 3/?

Detective Weaver/Belle French, Mature

Summary: A Woven Beauty Law & Order-ish AU. Written for Writer’s Month 2019.

Chapter Summary: Belle and Weaver go back to his place, but the immediate aftermath of her attack, and being in the home they shared, is a little more than either of them is prepared for.

Notes: For prompt #5 of Writer's Month: sound. Oh man. Y'all, I have such plans for this and I feel like I'll fail miserably at doing all of it. A couple new tags added: PTSD and Nightmares.

Warnings: Blood, non-graphic violence, injuries, PTSD, nightmares, and a host of other things. Please see AO3 for complete tags and warnings.

[AO3] Previous: [1] [2]

The ride to their former shared residence was quiet, save for the patter of rain that had started to fall. Belle was uncharacteristically still. Usually she would fidget in the car, adjusting the air vents every few minutes, running her fingernail around the button for the window, or looking at her phone. Weaver stole a glance at her when they stopped at a light, his lips pressed in a tight, thin line. She was looking out the window, her face illuminated by a strange mix of red, green, and yellow lights from outside.

He wanted to say something, but he didn't know what was appropriate for the situation. Usually he was watching others deal with the aftermath of a violent crime, family members, victims, witnesses, all processing events differently and trying to make sense of what their lives were now. He preferred being part of catching the perpetrator, helping bring some measure of closure to a chapter most people wanted to forget. It was outside of the sticky, emotional mess, almost passive in a way compared to the turmoil that went on inside the people he watched. This was wholly different. This was Belle, and whether she wanted him to be or not, he felt he should be a far more active participant. They both knew from the outside the things that would and could happen, but it didn't necessarily prepare you for the experience.

He pulled the car over in the first available space on the block, and looked over at Belle.

“You're sure you want to stay here?” he asked, resting his hand on the gear shift. “I could take you to a hotel, or one of the department’s safe houses?”

Belle gave him a wry smile. “A Motel 6 by the airport? No thanks.”

He nodded in acquiescence and opened the car door. “Whatever the lady wants.”

Her smile was just a little bit sly, but it faded quickly as she stepped inside the old building. It was the first time she'd been back since Sabine helped her move out her, since she'd made their separation as final as it could be. It was strange how she still sometimes thought of the top floor loft as home, how her apartment seemed like only a place to sleep and not a sanctuary from the harsh reality of the city the way the place they shared had been. There was something about the brick and stone, the old beams and exposed ducting, that for all it's cool industrial vibe, made her feel warm and safe.

The old elevator had been refurbished recently, with a new set of proper sliding doors instead of the ancient iron gate that had to be manually opened and closed. She commented on it and Weaver shrugged, mumbling something about bloody building codes. They shared a brief, amused look that shifted as they came to a stop at the top floor.

Belle waited while he unlocked the door and the deadbolt, and punched in the PIN code to turn off the alarm. It was still her birthday month and day, judging by the familiar tones of the buttons, and it made her second guess whether any of this was a good idea.

She followed him inside, glancing around the space as he relocked the door, noting the little things that had changed. The pictures on the mantle were gone, which wasn't that surprising given that most of them were of the two of them, and he'd replaced the floor lamp by the recliner. The one that had been there before had a little adjustable reading light on the side she liked to use in the evenings when he was working late. It made sense why he wouldn't want it around anymore, too many memories of coming home to find her curled up in a blanket, an open book or her Kindle on her lap, asleep in its glow.

He'd carry her to bed so gently she almost never woke up.

Weaver took off his jacket and draped it over the back of one of the barstools that sat at the kitchen island. Most of the place was the same as when she left. He kept the same furniture, the same arrangement of everything. He didn’t need to wonder if she had noticed. Her eyes were moving around the room, taking it all in again, and he bit back a sigh.

"Hasn't changed much,” she said finally. It was as if he'd just removed the last bits of her from his life and carried on. Something about that made her chest tight, but she turned to see him watching and forced a smile.

He shrugged. "Are you hungry? Did you eat anything before...?"

He gestured towards her, and she shook her head. “No, that's actually what I was doing when he...” She she looked down briefly at her bloodied clothes and then shifted her eyes over his shoulder and into the kitchen. Her voice seemed far away when she spoke. “I was staring into the fridge trying to decide what sounded edible.”

“Leftover lo mein from Chang's or cold Hawaiian pizza from Mario's?”

He smirked when she looked at him, and she halfheartedly glared back. “It was lasagna from Mario’s if you must know.”

He raised his hands, lips still curved in a bemused smile. At least they could tease each other and avoid some of the awkward tension. “I stand corrected. So, no, you haven't eaten then. Do you want... some eggs?”

A soft sigh slipped out and she nodded. It was her old standby when nothing sounded good, or she didn't have the energy for anything else. Whenever she came home late, lost a case, or had a bad day, he would make her a big, fluffy plate of scrambled eggs. It was simple and somehow always one of the best things she'd ever tasted. That was probably because he made them just for her.

Somehow they were never quite the same when she had to make them herself.

Weaver moved around the island and took out a pan before moving to the refrigerator and pulling it open.

She could have sat down at the breakfast bar and watched him cook, just like old times, but she was covered almost head to toe in dried, crusted blood, some of it hers, some of it not. The thought made her cringe. “I'm gonna shower if that's okay?”

“Of course.” He swallowed and turned away from the fridge with a carton of eggs in his hand. “Two or three?”

Her teeth pulled at her lip for a moment before she answered, “Just two, please.”

She heard the rattle of the pan against the stovetop as she turned and walked to the bathroom.

The shower did Belle a world of good, even if halfway through she was nearly scared out of her skin by Weaver slipping in to leave her a shirt and a pair of shorts to wear.

She had completely forgotten about not having any clothes or toiletries in the chaos of the incident, the police, and the hospital. Fortunately, Weaver had kept some of the things she’d left behind like partial bottles of her shampoo, conditioner, and body wash, tucked away on the bottom shelf of the cabinet. She didn’t want to think about why.

He showered while she was eating, and for a little while, it felt like she’d gone back in time, as if the last two years were all a bad dream. Part of her wished that were true. It would be so easy to slip back into old habits, but she wasn’t sure if they could reclaim the comfort and ease with which they’d integrated into each others lives.

They were different people now, weren’t they?

Weaver came out of the bathroom a few minutes later, bare but for a towel around his waist, right as she was putting her plate in the sink. It nearly slipped from her hand, and the sharp clatter of the fork hitting the stainless steel, startled him and made him stop.

“All right?” he asked, gripping the top of the towel with one hand.

Belle nodded and looked down at her hands, feeling a warmth creep up the back of her neck. “Fine.”

He gave her a strange look before he went into the bedroom, and she blew out a breath. This was ridiculous. They’d seen each other naked more times than she could count, even fairly recently, and there was no reason either of them should feel ashamed or awkward. She knew she’d feel safer and probably sleep better knowing Ian was nearby, but the tension created by everything that had happened in the last few weeks was getting worse. Something needed to give, but for now there was nowhere else for her to go.

She ran a hand through her hair, hissing when she bumped her stitches, and busied herself with cleaning the dishes until Weaver was done getting dressed. He came out of the bedroom in gym shorts and a t-shirt, and carrying a blanket and a pillow. He droppe them on the sofa as he crossed the room.

“I’ll take the couch,” he said, coming around the end of the island. “And the dishes.” He bumped her shoulder with his until she stepped aside and picked up the sponge she’d been using. “Go rest.”

She put her hands on her hips and frowned. “Ian...”

Pausing, he looked up from the dish in his hand with raised eyebrows. “This is not a discussion, Belle. You’ve been through a lot tonight, and you’re going to go through a lot more in the next few days. You need sleep.”

Her shoulders sagged, knowing he was right, but still too stubborn to admit complete defeat. “Fine, but I’m taking the couch.”

He set the plate in the drying rack and threw the sponge into the sink, splattering water and suds. “The hell you are.”

“I’m not kicking you out of your bed,” she insisted, folding her arms.

He wanted to scream at her that it was her bed too, or at least it had been once upon a time, but that seemed like it would only provoke another fight. It was strange enough to have her here again, he didn’t want to make it worse by dredging up a past she was already well aware of. Sighing, he picked up the sponge and wrung it out as he spoke.

“You don’t feel it now because of the pain meds,” he said, “but tomorrow you’ll think you were hit by a truck. It’ll be ten times worse if you spend the night on a sofa.”

Belle’s eyes narrowed and they stared at each other for a few seconds over the span of the counter, until she sighed and shook her head. “Fine. But if your back is trashed in the morning, I don’t want to hear any whining.”

Weaver gave her a crooked smile. “I’ve slept on that couch plenty of times, I’ll be fine.” Then he dried off his hands and came over to her, holding her gently by the arms. “Please. Get some rest.”

She hated how soft his voice was in these moments, and stepped back, shrugging off his touch. “Yeah, okay.”

Then she crossed the room to the bedroom door, stopping with her hand on the knob. She looked back at him, giving him a wan smile. “Thanks.”

He shrugged, his eyes wide and soft. “You’re always welcome, Belle.”

A short nod was her only reply before she slipped into the bedroom and shut the door.

It took Weaver ages to get settled on the sofa.

His body was exhausted, but his mind wouldn’t shut off. He finished cleaning up the kitchen and then called Rogers to find out the status of the manhunt, which was that there was no status at all. The rain had turned to an outright storm, and that combined with the fact that it was nearly midnight was making a proper search slow going. All the area hospitals were on alert, as were the ones in Seattle, and for the time being the news media were on a forty-eight hour blackout where ADA French was concerned. Seattle PD had sent as many spare men as they could, but the Chief of Hyperion Heights Police, Albert Spencer, was ready to call in the FBI and hand it all off to them. Of course that had set off Captain Humbert, and Spencer had ordered him to go home. To top it all off, Belle and he were both officially removed from the case and two squad cars were now parked outside his building as a precaution.

Everything was turning into a total shit show.

He sighed again and shifted, turning onto his back and readjusting the blanket. Outside, the thunder rumbled along, and the wind slapped the rain harder against the windows. Any other time it would be a calming, welcoming white noise, but all it was doing tonight was making him ansty. He hoped Belle was having better luck getting to sleep.

A few minutes later, just as he’d given up on falling asleep anytime soon, and started playing a new game of Angry Birds on his phone, there was a crashing sound from the bedroom. He sat up quickly, dropping his phone on the floor, and tossed the blanket aside. That was immediately followed by a noise he couldn’t make out, and a scream that terrified him to his core.

The bedroom door flung open, banging against the metal stop as Weaver charged into the room.

Belle thrashed in the sheets, kicking at them haphazardly and pushing them towards the foot of the bed. “Get off me!”

Weaver hesitated for a moment, knowing she was in the throws of what appeared to be a violent nightmare, but unsure of how to approach her. The clock on the nightstand was on the floor, unplugged, which explained the crash he'd heard, and the lamp would be next if he didn't calm her down.

“Belle!” he called out, coming to stand at the end of the bed.

She cried out again and rolled over, slamming her fist down on the pillow. “No no no!”

He hurried to her side, and grabbed at her wrists when she whipped her body around again. “Belle, stop! You need to wake up!” She pushed at him roughly, and he let go, nearly taking a right hook to his jaw as he tried to back away. “Belle!”

As quickly as it had started, it stopped, and she blinked up at him, her eyes wide and wet. She looked like a frightened child, and something constricted in his chest. This was part of what he'd been afraid of, what he'd seen others go through too many times.

Belle stared up at Weaver, trying to make sense of what was happening. There’d been someone else there just a second ago, but now Weaver was here instead? She'd been in her apartment, in the kitchen, except this was not her apartment or her bed. Her eyes drifted down, expecting to see blood, but her skin was clean. A dream? Slowly her mind filled in the blanks as she pushed herself up to sit, and groaned.

“Shit, sorry,” she said, her hands covering her face as she sucked in a breath through her nose. Her heart was thumping as loud in her ears as the thunder outside. “Fuck.”

“It’s okay.” He sat down on the edge of the bed leaving a careful distance between them. “Are you all right?”

She dropped her hands and pressed her lips together. “I'm fine, yeah. Did I hit you?”

One shoulder shrugged. “Nah, too slow.”

Her mouth curved as did his, and she punched lightly at his shoulder. “Sorry.”

“It’s okay, really,” he insisted, shifting closer. “But you didn’t answer my question. Are you sure you’re okay?”

Belle nodded and pushed her hair back. “Yeah, yeah. I don’t even know what -” She stopped and looked around the room, dimly lit by the light coming from the living room. “It’s all fuzzy now.”

“Probably best that way.”

She sniffled again and looked down at her hands laying in her lap. There was still some dried blood stuck under her right thumbnail and she picked at it with the thumb on the other hand. “Yeah.”

He ducked his head, trying to get a look at her face. “Do you want some water?” Her hair sway as she shook her head. “Should I leave the door open, or turn on a light, or -?”

“No,” she said lifting her head. “No, I’m -”

She licked her lips and took a breath as she reached for the hand he had braced on the bed between them. He let her take it, and wrapped his warm palm over her lightly chilled fingers, holding them carefully. She shivered, her eyes falling closed for a moment.

“Would you, um - would you do me a favor?”

Weaver gave her hand a gentle squeeze, much the same as she’d done for him in the hospital. “Anything.”

That single word from him made her wonder whether she had any fucking clue what she was really asking.

“Would you...stay with me?”

#rumbelle #rumbelle fic #woven beauty #woven beauty fic #my woven beauty fic #killing time #fic

16 notes · View notes