#that took so long to make. im not even sad yet i just think im in shock

[hes-a-tough-kid]

If you see the final word count for my completed fic gently increasing over months and months no you dont

[hwaflms]

HAPPY NOW? ★ [ j.jh ]

your family has been pressuring you for months to bring your boyfriend, jaehyun, over for dinner, and you think it’s really sweet that they like him so much. the only problem is that your “boyfriend” jaehyun, hates you.

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[☆] PAIRING. ex!jaehyun x f!reader

[☆] GENRE. angst, smut, fluff | fake dating?, exes to ??? au

[☆] WC. 19.9k (i don’t even know)

[☆] WARNINGS. angst, reader has anxiety, mentions of anxiety attacks, fighting, reader be lying a lot, reader has a little sister, crying, reader is kind of a dumbass, explicit content (piv smut), unprotected sex (don’t do this gang!), fingering, sex in public kinda, pls lmk if i forgot anything!!

[☆] NOTES. i’m so fucking annoyed with tumblr it’s not letting me insert images properly UGH this took me over 2 hours to upload man 🗣️ im pretty proud of this one ‼️ idek how it got this long but it’s my longest fic yet and it’s been sitting in my drafts for ages until i finally got the inspo to write it :p i want jaehyun so bad it’s not even funny tbh but anyway PLS GIVE ME FEEDBACK/A REBLOG LITERALLY ANYTHING IS APPRECIATED <33

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six months.

you haven't seen this door in six months.

it's funny because, this was a door you used to push open and walk through every other day, yet now you stand on the opposite side of it, unsure as to whether you should even be thinking of knocking.

your hand is raised to the door, shaped like a fist but you make no move to actually knock. you were aware that you still had time to bail out of this, that you could turn on your heel and make your merry way back to your sad little house and go back to pretending you're happy with the choice you made six months ago.

or you could just do what you came all the way here to do.

the weather seems to be in your favour, at least. the sun shines radiantly, making the temperature warm, but not too warm, and a cool breeze travels through the air in short intervals. the summer had begun early, birds chirping in their habitual singsong way and wild bougainvillea already flowering in various shades of pink and lilac. usually when the day starts off with good weather, the rest of it follows suit, and thus your day is made better. hopefully, this is the case for you today.

pausing for a short, morale-boosting intake of air, you tighten your fist and knock, knock, knock on the mahogany door, immediately regretting your decision as you feel your stomach churn and plummet. a good ten seconds pass, and you hear no reply nor movement from the inside of the house, and part of you is relieved because that means he may not be home.

more than happy to do a 180° and skip along joyously back to the metro that would take you home, your feet begin to make for that trip but your mind decides against it. you know that you are being overly dramatic, but even with being aware of this, your heart rate does not slow down one bit. you also know that what you've come here to do is more than just selfish, its pathetic and rather embarrassing. it's also a hugely unsavoury request, and if your roles were reversed, you'd most definitely laugh in his face and shut the door.

finally somewhat making up your mind with a quiet groan, you raise your clenched fist and rap against his front door again in a set of three. you nervously shift your weight from your right to your left foot, then back to your right and then once again to your left, the anxiety and anticipation not allowing you to stand still and relax, thinking that if he doesn't answer this time, you really will just return home.

"hold on, i'm coming!", a hurried, muffled voice calls from inside the house and you don't think your heart has ever beaten this fast in your life. not even during the one time you ran a marathon to prove a point to your friend chenle, and while you did show him that you didn't only run to get away from spiders, your body took its own sweet time to recover from that.

now you hear footsteps approaching the door from the opposite side of it, and you don't think you can handle anymore of this tortuous, build up of a wait because you are quite literally one step away from calling it a day and just sprinting your way out of there, just like you did on the last few metres of the aforementioned marathon, and you know he's nearing the door because the footsteps are getting clearer and clearer, and soon he's going to open the door, take one look at you and just slam the door right in your face, but not before spewing verbal explosives at you, which would be totally deserved since he has every right to just spit on you and tell you how you're a terrible, downright horrible human being completely unworthy of forgiveness and-

"sorry for making you wait so long, i was-"

if your heart rate was at its maximum speed before, now it just stopped.

standing in front of you, in the flesh, was the man who's heart you broke six months ago.

jaehyun had just about opened his door in a way that his body was sticking halfway out of it, but he was now frozen in that position, neither in nor out, just stuck there looking like he was contemplating his next move. he adorned a loose, white shirt that clung to his defined shoulders and chest, paired with a pair of red plaid pants with a patch of some different material stitched just above where his knee was. you'd recognise those pants just about anywhere, having worn them a number of times and being the cause of that strange patch with mismatched material (you'd tried to balance a pot of steaming hot ramen on your knee in order to move something, resulting in it causing a burn in the pant).

his attire tells you that he was either just about to eat breakfast, in the process of eating breakfast, or about to finish breakfast; jaehyun was not an early riser and he liked to take his time getting ready for the day.

apart from his slightly changed hair, jaehyun looks the same as he did before, if not better. his once shorter, straight, brown hair, was now a darker kind of black and longer in a silky, mullet-y, layered sort of way, the mullet part stopping just above where his shirt met his neck and the front bits falling on to his face in thin, soft wisps.

everything about the man was captivating and entrancing, but if you had to pick a specific feature that really takes the cake, it would have to be his eyes. his eyes, deep-set and fierce, always gave the impression that he was cold or unapproachable, whereas in reality, he was the opposite. as striking as they may be, they always carried a certain warmth to them.

while they still held the same intensity to them, the warmth was missing as he looked straight at you now. after the brief moment of confusion when he first opened the door dissipated, the familiarity had sunk in, and his expression now was more or less unreadable, but you still tried to make out what he was thinking and feeling- was it shock? anger? maybe even disgust?

"okay, are you going to just stand there or are you going to say something?"

you think it was largely a combination of the last two. in all your fidgeting and gawking, you'd forgotten to actually speak to the man who's door you'd just knocked on, leaving him standing there wordless and confused, an eyebrow raised as he waited for you to open your mouth.

you try to do so, so many words wanting to tumble out your mouth but an invisible gate seems to block it, so now you're just stood still with your mouth opening and closing soundlessly, looking like an idiot.

c'mon y/n, fucking say something, anything-

"how have you been?", is what you decide to go with to break the silence in the end, an awkward smile plastered on to your face. you realise before the sentence is even fully out of your mouth that that would be a really weird thing to start off with, seeing as you and jaehyun have had absolutely zero contact for six months, and are obviously not on the most wonderful terms.

jaehyun's eyebrows furrow, a look of clear disbelief on his face as he clutches his door handle a little tighter. he looks away with a sarcastic smile, shaking his head before turning back to look you dead in the eye. oh, he's going to slam the door on you, you just know it-

"really? 'how have you been'?", he questions incredulously, licking his bottom lip while an exasperated smile plays at them. funnily enough, his response is somewhat relieving to your pitiful self, because you weren't even expecting to hear a reply to what you said, you figured he'd just walk away. you would've. "we haven't seen each for six months since we broke up and 'how have you been' is the best you've got?"

you wince apologetically and bite your lip, playing with your fingers nervously as he quite literally stares you down, irritation written all over his face.

he waits a couple more beats for you to break the tense silence and speak but you are inwardly (and outwardly) struggling to word your thoughts, so he simply scoffs and backs away to return inside.

"okay wait, i didn't tell my family that we broke up and they keep pressuring me to bring you home for the holidays, so i would really like if you'd pretend you don't hate me and come with me."

you don't even want to open your eyes to witness his reaction to your blurted little confession, so you merely stand, frozen in place with your eyes squeezed shut tightly. a couple seconds pass yet you don't hear a door slam, a good sign, so you take that as an affirmative to open your eyes.

he doesn't say anything, or do anything either really, he just leans against his doorframe with another indecipherable expression. this irks you even though you know you have no right to feel irked, but the fact that you once had the ability to know what he was thinking and now don't bothers you to the core. plus, it leaves you feeling unsure as to whether to continue. he might just start laughing at you manically or angrily tell you to get off his property like some bitter, 60-year-old man, and either of these scenarios would be completely fair of him to do.

the heavy realisation that your request sounded absolutely delusional and conceited dawns upon you, and something about his irksome expression makes you feel like you should keep talking. "you have literally every right to just tell me to fuck off, and i don't even expect an answer, i don't really know why i even came here, oh my god- this is so fucking stupid, i'm so fucking stupid and honestly i don't know why you're still standing here listening to me ramble-"

"i need to get ready then. give me ten minutes."

✧ ──────── ✧ ──────── ✧

the front door you're stood at now holds a very different ambience to the previous one. while jaehyun's was quiet and peaceful, the front door to your parents house reveals that the inside is just bustling with activity. the chorus of kate bush's 'running up that hill' plays faintly from behind the door, so you figured that your dad must have brought out his old record player from the dusty attic.

jaehyun stands beside you, hands shoved into the pockets of his light grey hoodie that you feel he must be boiling in, because you're wearing a black tank top with some loose cargoes that you think you might have drenched with sweat.

the sweat would be from the burning heat, but also from the agitation you're really starting to feel. there are so many different ways this dinner could go. what if jaehyun suddenly tells them the truth? then everyone in the room would hate you, and rightly so. you don't want to have to explain to your parents why you broke up with him; it's a stupid fucking reason, if you can even call it that, and it made you completely miserable. how were you supposed explain to your little sister that you and jaehyun aren't together anymore? you suppose relationships are a totally foreign concept to her young mind, but you were sure that she knew you and jaehyun loved each other very much. and you knew she loved jaehyun very much.

he does not look at you, instead choosing to really focus on the christmas themed welcome mat that your parents put out during the winter of '09 and never bothered to change. how he even agreed to come here with you, you don't know, but to say you're grateful would be an understatement.

"you still have time to back out, you know.", you mumble softly, trying to give him one more chance to escape, but he doesn't even spare you a glance, shaking his head and squinting at the door.

"let's just get this over with."

with a small sigh, your raise your hand to press your parents doorbell, the embarrassingly loud 'ding dong' ringing out from behind the door. "oh, that must be her!", you hear the muffled voice of your father speak from the inside, making a slight smile form on your lips.

within a couple seconds, you hear the sound of the muted metal bolt as your dad struggles to open the door to let you in. a grunt of "this damn door..." makes both you and jaehyun release short giggles, and you peek over at jaehyun to see his lips curl upwards into a smile, a small one but it's still breathtakingly pretty . he clears his throat and it's gone in a flash, but the image doesn't leave your mind, and you're still seeing it when your dad finally manages to open the door. "i really need to start using the new lock", he mutters, shifting his eyes to you with a big grin, leaving against the doorframe with his arms folded. "hello, sweetheart."

you chuckle and throw your arms around him, squeezing him a little as he laughs and pats your back in return. releasing you, he turns to jaehyun with a smile, who promptly sticks his hand out politely. "hello, mr. l/n, long time no see."

your dad ignores his hand, throwing his head back with a gruff laugh. "what's with all the formalities, come here, son.", and with that he gives jaehyun a hug as well, a slightly shorter one albeit, but a hug nonetheless. the word 'son' repeats in your mind like an echo, sounding more and more distorted the longer you focus on it. you can't even begin to think of what was going through jaehyun's mind. this was not your brightest idea.

you notice your mom waiting by the door with her hands behind her back, eyes bright and shiny. "hi, mom.", you beam, and she laughs cheerily, opening her arms for you to run into, which you do. she presses numerous kisses to the crown of your head, making you groan lightheartedly and try to escape her hold, but it only tightens. "oh, how i've missed you."

"i missed you too, mom.", you say but she's already let you go and is making a bee line for jaehyun with her arms open, who falls into the hug so readily and comfortably. "i may have missed you, y/n, but i missed jaehyun ten times more.", she jokes, pinching jaehyun's cheeks affectionately.

jaehyun is turning bright red, but he has a toothy grin on his face, a real one, you can tell. his eyes travel the front room where all of you are stood with a nostalgic smile, having not seen it or your parents in over six months. you watch as they look from the various photo frames hung up on the wall alongside the staircase, to the curtains that they recently changed, finally landing on the record player thay was sitting on the table. "wow, mr. l/n, where did you get this?", jaehyun asks, and you wonder whether he's trying to make conversation or if he's genuinely curious. you think it may be the second one.

while him and your dad engage in small talk about his record player, you turn to your mom to ask of the whereabouts of your little sister, and as if on cue, you hear an excited squeal from the top of the stairs. all four heads turn to see your sister bounding down the stairs hurriedly, paying no mind to your mom's strained shout of "careful!".

"y/n!", she piped, finally reaching the bottom of the stairs and running straight to you, wrapping her arms around your legs. she barely reaches your hip so her hug is really just her face pressed into your thigh with her arms squeezing your legs together, while you pat the top of her head.

somehow managing to pry her off of your legs, you kneel and give her a proper hug in return, now happy that you made the decision to come home for a bit of your holiday. she lets go and reaches into her pocket, pulling out a crumpled piece of paper and jutting her hand out to you, urging you to take it.

you smile and furrow your eyebrows with confusion but you take the paper anyway, opening it as carefully as you could so as to not tear it anywhere. smoothing it out flat on your knee, you're greeted with a drawing; two people stand holding hands under a deep blue sky, a large yellow sun shining in one corner along with some "birds" that are really just little 'v's scribbled in black. they're stood on a beach, at least you think they are because there are two shades of blue on the paper, one of them probably being the blue hue of the ocean.

you assume the two people are you and your sister, since one of them has shorter, shoulder length hair and is miniscule compared to the other person, who's hair length and height are similar to yours.

you hold the picture to your chest and pull your sister in for another heartfelt hug, kissing her temple. "is this us?", you ask her, pointing at the two people in the drawing. she gives you a proud nod in return, taking the picture from your hands and holding it in front of her face. "yup! the big girl is you and the small girl is me! we're gonna go swimming.", she informs you, flashing you the toothiest of smiles. "thank you, it's perfect.", you tell her, ruffling her hair a little as she hands you the drawing back.

she clearly doesn't appreciate that, because she whines and swats your hands away, but soon her eyes focus on something behind you and they enlarge, the second excited squeal of the day emerging from her lips. "jae!", she just about screams, completely abandoning you in favour of running off to jaehyun, who has a wide smile on his face and looks equally as happy as her. he scoops her up in his arms and lifts her in front of his face, doing a little spin as peals of laughter escape her.

he finally puts her down but she holds on to his hand, looking at the male with absolute adoration. "hi, cutie.", he boops her nose affectionately to which she giggles, turning to look at you. "you didn't tell me jaehyun was coming!"

"i wasn't sure if he could make it", you reply to her honestly, looking at jaehyun as you speak because only the two of you know what you really mean by that. he holds your eye contact for perhaps a millisecond longer than he did before, but again, it was gone in a flash. he clears his throat a little and straightens up, rocking back on his heels.

sensing a shift in the air but mistaking it for some form of awkwardness, your mother shoos the rest of your family away in the direction of the kitchen. "they probably want to freshen up together, let's let them do that."

once they're gone, it feels like you can finally release your breath, truly seeing this situation going wrong in so many ways. they don't suspect anything yet, but how much longer until they eventually connect the dots? or what if they don't even need to do that, because jaehyun only agreed so he could embarrass you by telling them the whole story? you don't acknowledge the tense silence until jaehyun speaks up. "can i use the guest bathroom? still the second door on the right, yeah?"

you don't respond immediately because you're processing the fact that he still remembers these minute details. you also realise he's only asking because he doesn't want to share your bathroom with you, and that clears your thoughts up a little. you nod in affirmation and he begins climbing up the stairs, and you wait until you hear he's reached the upstairs landing before you move.

it's so tense. the last time you were in this house with jaehyun, you had taken a short road trip to get there. you say road trip, but it was just a couple hours long, but the playlist you and jaehyun had curated said otherwise. you arrived at the house and everyone was all smiles, your parents just happy to have you home and happy to see him as well. you think that part's just as hard as thinking about the two of you together. the fact that your slightly judgemental parents adored him, your little sister looked at him with stars in her eyes– you had lucked out in every department, and you were always aware of it, the joint guilt you felt from breaking it off and lying to your parents really getting to you now.

you swore that after this was over, you would apologise to jaehyun and finally break the truth to your parents.

finishing off in the bathroom, you step out into the hall, only to bump straight into jaehyun. backing up awkwardly, you both try to get past each but keep going in the same direction, resulting in a bunch of 'sorry–'s and 'wait– just–'s being blurted out by the two of you. finally getting past you, he doesn't look back at you again, just walking down the stairs mumbling something about "they're waiting...".

wincing, you make your way down the stairs as well, arriving at the living room to see your mom standing beside your dad with an excited expression on her face. you approach with caution, noting that your dad has his hands behind his back. "so...", your mother starts, raising her shoulders a little out of anticipation. "since we haven't seen the two of you in a while...we got you some presents! nothing too grand but..."

"mom, it's not even christmas", you whine, ready to argue with them because you feel bad that whatever they got was still overpriced, but your mother shakes her head, urging your dad to reveal the presents. "just take a look first..."

in one hand he holds a small, white box, no bigger than his palm, and your mom picks it up, holding it out to you. the print on the box is small and typewriter-like, the material it's made out of just screaming fancy. you narrow your eyes at your parents but take the box in your hand anyway, pushing it open. inside, it reveals maybe the prettiest necklace you've seen; dainty and silver, the chain is simple but it's the pendant that's the real charm– it's an uncut stone of some kind, a pale, translucent white crystal that's pretty much shapeless but it's wrapped in this thin silver wire that forms little loops and hearts over the stone and it makes it so alluring.

"it's a seaglass necklace", your mom speaks, taking the necklace out of its box for you and inclining her head for you to turn around. you're now facing jaehyun, who looks curiously at the new piece of jewellery with the faintest of smiles on his face. pushing your hair to the side, your mother places the necklace around your neck and clasps it (though it takes her a while, squinting and looking at the necklace hook from every angle because she forgot to wear her reading glasses). she leads you to the mirror by the entrance of the hall so you could get a better look at the necklace hanging on top of your collarbones, reaching up to touch it. "you remember? from that lady who owned the fancy place by the beach last summer?"

you do remember. that was the first trip jaehyun had joined you and your family for, under the suggestion of your little sister. when you brought up the fact that jaehyun was going back home to see his parents a little later than he had anticipated, your sister immediately asked if he would want to come with all of you, who were heading to the beach in a day or two for a little family getaway. and much to your surprise, your parents were very warm to the idea of jaehyun accompanying the lot of you. he must have severely impressed them the first time he met them, bringing a bouquet of flowers for your mother and a hearty bottle of whiskey for your dad– it's like he had won their hearts before he had even stepped inside the house.

of course, he had met them a couple more times again after that, but your parents had never raised any issues about your then boyfriend. your dad had claimed that he wanted jaehyun to come along so he could "keep an eye on him" and "see how he treats you in front of us", but you knew all too well he just wanted someone to talk to about his interest in sound systems. the trip had gone so smoothly, so perfectly and you think that it had planted the seeds of doubt in your mind about your relationship.

the position of the window and sun allowed for the light to bleed on to half of your face, the necklace glinting under the rays as you stood in front of the mirror and surveyed it. the last couple drops of the golden hour sun slipped through the windowpane and painted your skin like it was a canvass and the necklace was the cherry on top. you were radiant, and the look in jaehyun's eyes told you that he knew it too. when your eyes meet in the mirror, it's like he tears his eyes away from you, forcing himself to look at his shoes.

snapping out of your soon-to-be miserable thoughts, you fix a smile on to your face so as to not seem ungrateful, turning to hug your mother. "i love it", and you really do, knowing that you wouldn't be wearing a single other piece of jewellery for the next couple months.

jaehyun stands in the doorway soundlessly, just taking in the scene. he had always told you that he wished his family was as close and tight-knit as yours, but due to his dad always being away on some business trip or another and his mother having her own job to attend to, it resulted in a lot of time spent by himself.

you think that might be way he slotted right in with the rest of you, from the very first meet, because his desire to belong worked very well with your family's lively, chaotic home, which welcomed him right away. this was the main reason why couldn’t bring yourself to tell your family that you had broken up him mercilessly. they wouldn’t blame you of course, but you know everyone would be immensely disappointed when they realised that he hadn’t even done anything wrong in the first place; he was so good to you, and they just wanted to see you happy.

while your mom cooed at how pretty the necklace looked on you, your dad faces jaehyun with a wide grin on his face. "you didn't think we'd forget about you, did you?"

he probably wasn't expecting anything for himself, because you weren't either, so you and jaehyun simultaneously furrow your eyebrows. "oh, mr. l/n, you didn't have to–", he starts but your father is quick to cut him off, waving his hands. "what nonsense. of course we had to get you something, it's no big deal", he tries to appear nonchalant but the smile that creeps on to his face is a telltale sign that it is, in fact, a big deal. "besides, if you're family to y/n, you're family to us."

it's as if someone just stuck a large knife into you, the pang you just felt in your stomach. you can't even begin to think about what must be going through jaehyun's head, because even he can't hide the way his eyes soften at your dad's words. watching your sister spring up from the couch, she runs behind your father and plucks whatever he was holding out of his hands, now revealed to be a medium-sized bag. "i wanna give it to jaehyun!", with that, she's running over to him with the toothiest smile plastered on her cheeks, holding the bag out to jaehyun with stretched arms.

he ruffles her hair just like you did, but she makes absolutely zero complaints as he does it– if anything she's revelling in it. this makes you want to scoff, but you smile instead without thinking about it, taking a couple steps away from the mirror and towards them. "are you gonna open it or should i take it back to the store?", your dad jokes and jaehyun chuckles quietly while you don't even bother forcing a laugh, and he takes the bag from your sister's hands, mumbling a soft 'thank you'.

from where you're standing, you can't see what's inside the bag, but you can see jaehyun's eyes widen when he looks inside and back up at everyone. "me and mrs. l/n, i can't take this."

"of course you can", your mother tuts in response, dismissing him with her hand. "if i recall correctly, you had said something about your airpods not working properly?"

realisation dawns on your face when jaehyun pulls the shiny headphones from the bag, turning them over in his hand. "i think i did mention it, yeah...", he nods, eyes scanning over the clear box he holds. you remember that only one of his airpods would function properly, the other deciding whenever it wanted to do its job. you didn't realise your parents remembered, as well. "but these are so expensive, i can't–"

"do you like them or not?", your dad asks, shrugging his shoulders. jaehyun's quick to nod, "yes, i love them but–"

"then end of story." your father's not hearing anyone out, even going so far as to cover his ears jokingly when jaehyun opens his mouth again. after your sister tugs on his pant leg and urges him to try them out, jaehyun slips them over his ears, whipping his phone to connect them to it. he thought it was too expensive to try fixing his airpods so he resorted to listening with just the one ear in, or using your headphones till you broke up.

by the look on his face, they work just fine, and he couldn't be happier. a wide smile is pressed on his face, a real one that doesn't even drop when he makes eye contact with you. you smile back at him slowly, but he doesn't look away immediately, slowly turning to look at your parents. "i don't know what to say. thank you."

you'd had a couple boyfriends before, not none as close to your family as jaehyun had been. none of your previous relationships had lasted very long and you could never pinpoint the exact reason why, you just knew at some point that you had to break it off. your mother always thought that this was a result of your first ever relationship, the first and last man that ever dumped you. it crushed you at the time, though you were able to power through, but since then, relationships were never your strong suit. change seemed promising when you met jaehyun through a mutual friend, however. he was kind, he was smart and he was genuine, three traits that you didn't typically see in guys you dated, but you didn't see any reason to dwell on your biggest fumble yet.

the rest of time until dinner continues in a steadfast manner with all of you sitting in the living room. the scene looked like something out of a corny movie montage, but the beautiful part of it was that it was reality, all the laughs, the eye-smiles, the stupid jokes and conversations, all of it. your parents had recently returned from a holiday together that they took to celebrate their wedding anniversary, which meant that you two deserved to look through all eight hundred and sixty two of the photos they took. super proud of the new projector he had ordered off amazon, your dad had connected his phone to it and was going through his gallery slideshow-style, with your mom making offhand comments about every other photo.

"that's from when we went on a date to this fancy restaurant, that's from the shoe store your dad wanted to go to...oh! that's when your dad just learnt how to take 0.5x pictures on his new phone!"

your mom speaks animatedly while each photo is being shown, pointing out various different things without any prompting. there were badly taken selfies of your parents that made both you and jaehyun laugh, pictures of the different kinds of food they ate, the said 0.5's of your mother taken from the top of her forehead– your dad was slapping his knee even though your mom wasn't too impressed.

after what seemed like years, they ran out of vacation pictures and moved on to pictures and videos taken during your little sister's talent show. this was especially endearing, because your normally high-energy sister was suddenly all shy and avoidant of eye contact in the presence of jaehyun, particularly displeased with a video of her singing on stage.

jaehyun wipes the pout right off her face however, poking her cheek with a smile. "you sound amazing, s/n", he pipes genuinely, and she's back to smiling again, even offering to sing the song for everyone towards the end. no one has the heart to turn down so innocent a request, so for the next couple minutes you are subjected to a very slightly off-key rendition of some song from the movie 'frozen'. everyone cheers when she is done, jaehyun even throwing in a little "whoo!" for good measure, and your sister performs a small curtsey before seating herself between you and jaehyun's legs.

you're situated on the same couch, but only so that things don't look weird. you invited him here to pose as your boyfriend, and he agreed, so you have to play the part too. that part wasn't as hard as you expected, the acting like a couple, no, it was the avoiding questions that was really getting to you. at some point in the conversation, your dad had congenially asked jaehyun when the next time he'd be coming home was. normally, he would congenially reply with something like "as soon as possible", but this time, he just froze. he appeared to attempt a reply, but was cut short at "uh–", the rest of the sentence never following through.

hoping to repair the awkward moment, you start to construct a fib. "jaehyun's been uh– you know, working at one of those um, nursing homes–", this is too out-of-the-box a reply even for jaehyun who turns to you, trying and failing to the hide incredulous look on his face.

"a nursing home? oh, i didn't know you were training to be a nurse!", your mother is surprised but definitely not disappointed, placing her hand on her chest with a sympathetic look on her face as she looks at jaehyun. he looks as if he's trying to speak to you using only his eyes, widening and squinting them at a rapid pace, tilting his head towards you so your parents don't see his expression. there are clear signs of confusion and you're aware he's questioning your decisions, but that's as far as you get with his eye signals and you let him know by shrugging and wincing, so he closes them while sighing inwardly and turns to face your parents, a fake smile stuck on his lips.

"yes! haha, funny story, this one...", he grits his teeth but furthers your stupid concoction of a story, snapping his fingers while trying to think. "i'm not really training to be a nurse, i just volunteer there sometimes. love being around old people, you know, makes me feel full of life–"

you cut him off before he can make this even worse for the both of you, taking in your mother's furrowed eyebrows and your dad's slightly opened mouth. "yes, well, it's hard for him to catch a break, you know, with all the...", you slap your hand over his knee and give it a little squeeze, turning to him with a grin while he smiles tightly back at you, eyes focusing on the hand on his thigh without changing his expression. "...hard work he does."

jaehyun's eyes don't leave your hand, seeing as this is the first act of skinship in six months, albeit casual. your hand feels so hot that you think you might be burning a hole through the material of jaehyun's jeans, finally ripping your hand off of him.

"of course...", your father trails off in confusion, and no one can seem to make head or tails of the situation. in a moment, your mother pauses before clapping her hands, seemingly already forgotten about the strange situation as she chimes "dinner in five!~". your sister scampers off with claims of helping your mother out in the kitchen (and probably to try and secure a spot close to you and jaehyun), and jaehyun stands up and heads to the cupboard containing all your placemats without out even being asked. you offer to help but he shakes his head, and you opt to go sit back down on one of the arm chairs facing the kitchen area, just observing.

this was one of jaehyun's qualities that made you fall in love with him, but also pissed you off to no end. first of all, didn't he ever get tired of just being so good all the time? second of all, why couldn't his own parents see what everyone else saw in him? and thirdly, why did you choose to ruin your life six months ago? as for the last one, you knew why, but the extent of your stupidity was real apparent to you now.

you look away when he meets your eyes and catches you, your heart beating fast when you see out of the corner of your eye that his gaze lingers for a moment or two. underneath all that hatred, was there still a small part of him that cared about you? after you broke up with him, over call that too, he attempted to call you back two or three times, but you couldn't bring yourself to pick up. out of fear or maybe even shame, you never answered his calls and since then, you'd had no contact.

it was impossible. with a break-up like that and six month's worth of time to sit and think about it, you imagine that one could hold a surprising amount of hatred for someone–especially after a relationship as real as yours. if you switched the roles, you think you wouldn't feel much different.

at your mom's signal, you heave yourself off the couch and to the dining table, seating yourself next to jaehyun (everyone expected you to sit with him, they left the chair empty on purpose). your sister has already claimed the spot opposite jaehyun and was patiently awaiting the vegetables that she knew your mother was going to pile on her plate, a little pout forming on her lips at the sight of broccoli. "you can't make that face every time, like i'm feeding you dog food", your mother scolds her with a smile, giving her a generous helping of veggies. the pout deepens and she folds her arms with a cross look on her face. "you guys don't have to eat the broccoli. why do i?"

she's got a point, you think, but before you can tell her to just eat them, jaehyun speaks. "that's exactly what my little cousin sungchan said...", jaehyun tells her, looking around the table with a dramatic sigh. "and we all know what happened to him..."

little cousin sungchan? as far as you know, there is no little cousin sungchan, and you know a lot about jaehyun's family, so you put your fork down in favour of listening to his story at the same time your sister curiously asks, "what happened?".

"well, like you, sungchan didn't like eating his veggies", starting off the story with a shrug under your mother's listening ears, he talks in a low voice. "he'd always argue with my aunt till one day, he refused to eat them.

your sister is knocking food around her plate while she listened to jaehyun, and she's not impressed with the story so far. "see! why can't i do that?", she asks indignantly, and your mother shoots jaehyun a look to which he winced and continues. "nothing happened for a while, so sungchan thought he had proved his point. but he hadn't heard of the veggie monster."

the story is heading in such a stupid direction that you almost laugh out loud, but you catch yourself when you notice your sister's expression, guarded and wary. "...the veggie monster? ...that's not real...", she speaks like she's not fully sure of her words herself, pausing her attack on her food.

"sungchan thought that too", jaehyun agrees, lowering his voice like one would when telling a scary story, looking around him like it could be listening before continuing, for the story's sake. "but he didn't know that without veggies, a child's body is weak. their bones don't grow strong, they stay small and their minds aren't sharp at all. that's how the veggie monster chooses his targets."

you hold back a snort at your sister's wide-eyed expression and how serious jaehyun looks, he's even got your dad attempting to look nonchalant as he followed the story. "the less veggies a kid eats, the weaker they get, and that's easy pickings for the veggie monster. he comes late at night, and there's no point in hiding because he knows. he can smell when a kid doesn't have enough vitamins and it makes him hungry."

with your sister, your parents and even you hanging on to every word, jaehyun lowers his voice to almost a whisper, and all of you lean in closer to listen. "legend has it that he looks so scary that you lose the ability to move or speak, so he just takes you. sungchan was never seen again. the police said he was missing but i knew what happened to him."

you have to admit, jaehyun can tell a story. the atmosphere felt more eerie as he concluded the story cryptically, but your sister looks positively gutted. "did he take him?", she questions, face white and voice small. he nods slowly, like he didn't want to be talking about this, and all you can think about is how this man deserved an award after the show he put on. "i had my suspicions. no one believed me, but i'm ninety-nine percent sure that at dinner, i saw a pair of dark, red eyes staring straight into the kitchen from the window."

as if nature was a paid fucking actor, a slight crash sounds from outside the window on cue, like if a cat knocked over a plastic bin, but you're pretty sure your sister shit her pants. you've never seen her shovel vegetables into her mouth at that kind of record speed before, even your parents are looking at her astounded. with her food in her mouth, she pleads with glazed eyes, "please– i'm sorry, i'll have my veggies, don't let him take me!"

it takes all of you a little while to convince your sister that she'd be completely fine if she ate all the veggies given to her and that the veggie monster wouldn't even think of her, but it's safe to say that she'd never leave a bit of stray carrot on her plate ever again. your mom comically mouths 'thank you' to jaehyun which makes you laugh, and you turn to smile at him, and he gives you a nod in return. small steps, you think, because a nod is a whole lot better than a glare.

the rest of the dinner continues as if nothing changed. sure, you and jaehyun knew things were different, but it didn't fully feel like it at the moment. your mom had prepared a lot of nice food for the occasion, and your dad even helped, particularly proud of the way his stir fry turned out. jaehyun made sure to compliment both your parents on their cooking, and they all but melted– he still knew exactly how to talk to them. conversation was easy; you talked about work, you talked about how university was going, you talked about the school play your sister was going to take part in, about jaehyun's parents, nothing was forced.

you'd fall into comfortable silences at times in favour of sitting back and observing, listening, just being a part of the moment. for someone who was so reluctant to be here, jaehyun seems comfortable, the familiarity of the situation helping ease the tension between the two of you. expecting some bumps along the way, you were rather pleased with how things were turning out, but you were also anticipating the end of the lovely evening– where you and jaehyun would eventually go your separate ways. you don't want to think about it just yet, not when everything was going so smoothly, and your opportunity to snap out of your thoughts is presented to you, just not in the way you would have liked.

your mother's question seems to have thrown jaehyun for a loop as well, because his eyebrows are furrowed and he looks blatantly confused. at some point during a lull in the conversation, your mother had politely asked jaehyun how his christmas in japan had gone; the only problem with this question was that he never had a christmas in japan, not to his knowledge anyway. this, was yet another lie you had told your parents, when they had asked why jaehyun hadn't accompanied you home to celebrate christmas, like he had originally planned to. unbeknownst to them, you had already broken up with him prior to the christmas holidays, so jaehyun wasn't exactly going to come along anyway. so, you told them that he had to spend christmas with an aunt in japan, for familial reasons.

you didn't exactly have time to prep jaehyun and give him a run down of every single lie he had to play along with, so he turns to you with a look of uncertainty and desperation in his eyes. "my, uh- christmas? in japan?", he puts emphasis on the two keywords, not blinking when he speaks directly to you in hopes that you would take the hint and help him out.

"yeah, your christmas. in japan. with your aunt", you reply to him with the same tone and expression as he does, trying your best to sound subtle so your parents don't catch on.

"yes, with your aunt! we were so sad to hear that you couldn't make it for christmas", your mother is unknowingly helping jaehyun catch up with the fake story, and he releases a short "ahh" during his moment of 'recollection'. "right, my real aunt who definitely lives in japan."

he grits his teeth when he talks, making you grimace and the fact that your parents look completely puzzled doesn't help. you need to save your dignity anyway, so you try to cut jaehyun off before he can make things worse. "haha, jaehyun of course she's your real aunt, silly", you awkwardly chuckle, feigning nonchalance when you bump his shoulder with your fist, wishing you could telepathically communicate with him right now, but you'd probably only be saying "please, please, please" on repeat.

he sighs but speaks up again, much to your relief. "it was slightly boring, my aunt doesn't do much", he laughs softly, fully back in character. "but you know, it's still nice to spend time with your family."

if your parents are suspicious, they don't say anything, seemingly satisfied with jaehyun's answer. dinner continues with few hitches until jaehyun insists that he washes the dishes. "it's the least i can do, after you both made such delicious food."

your mother at least tries to argue with him for a bit, but your dad is quite happy to not have to wash dishes, patting jaehyun on the back before standing up. what surprises you however, is jaehyun turning to you with the sweetest, most fake smile you've seen in a minute plastered on his face. "you mind helping, y/n?"

smiling tightly, you nod and begin clearing the table. this is done in silence, neither of you even looking at each other as you pick up dishes and carry them to the kitchen. your sister has run off to the living room to watch some t.v with your dad, and it feels like you're finally allowed to breathe when your mother exits the room as you’re picking up the last dirty dish. walking into the kitchen, jaehyun's back is facing you while he washes dishes, the environment and the little tune he's humming making everything seem so domestic in your eyes. this is how dinner used to always go when he came over, with you and him washing the dishes together in the end, taking breaks to splash each other with the soapy water or making out secretly by the counter.

but the air is foreign now, none of the former warmth or softness remaining. he turns to you with a frown when you place the final dish on the side of the sink, and he really doesn't look too happy. "visiting an aunt in japan? really?", he scoffs, looking incredulous while you look sheepish, avoiding his eye contact entirely.

you were expecting something like this but you hated being put on the spot. "i don't know, okay, what else was i supposed to say?", the exasperation in your voice is evident but it only fuels jaehyun, and rightfully so.

"i got an idea, how about 'oh, he can't come because i dumped his ass over call for no reason, sorry'?", he digs snidely, voice laden with scorn. there it is. "or is that too close to the truth for you?"

he doesn’t even let you open your mouth, chucking the cloth he was using to dry the dishes on the counter somewhere, folding his arms while he looks at you in a hostile way. “you wanna know how i really spent my christmas, y/n?”, he sneers sardonically, a sarcastic smile etched on to his lips. “alone in my house. miserable. i wish i had an aunt in fucking japan that i could’ve spent it with.”

you hate to admit it, but his words sting and you are well aware that you deserve it. just asking him to join you for this dinner was a huge reach, a request you really didn't expect him to accept. you don't fully understand why he did, though. he clearly despised you, so many be it was out of love for your family? you know jaehyun cared for them, but doing all this was uncharacteristic even for him. when you don't say anything but wear an agonised expression on your face, jaehyun further questions you.

"do you not have anything to say for yourself?", he tries again, his voice a little softer and more hopeful than before but you look like you're fighting some internal battle that doesn't involve him. he exhales deeply, clearly disappointed in your lack of an explanation and just walks past you and out of the kitchen.

you remain in the kitchen for a couple beats more, trying your level best to collect yourself. you can feel tears pricking the corners of your eyes and your breathing is quicker, but this is the absolute worst time to have a little panic attack in the kitchen. how you wished the two of you could just forget about everything for a minute so you could wrap your arms around his figure and fall into his embrace, feeling like that would solve all your problems. it's selfish and wrong, but you know that you're not getting over jaehyun anytime soon.

you'd come to that conclusion a couple months back. the first month after you broke things off with him was possibly the worst time of your life, struggling to eat, sleep or even get out of bed. your friends urged you to reach out to him like they knew you wanted to, but you remained stubborn, convinced at the time that you had made the right decision that would hurt the least for the both of you. you were wrong, you could see that now, but you knew it was much too late. you'd already gone through all the stages of grief, but seeing jaehyun again in this environment had really gone and thrown a spanner in the works for you, all because of your terrible decision-making skills.

any hopes you had of the two of you at least being on semi-friendly terms had just flown out the window as well, and you suddenly think that this might've been the reason why jaehyun even agreed to come. an explanation. a well-deserved one at that. you don't know why you find it so hard to give him one, but you suspect it's because you're not ready to face all that yourself.

upon hearing your mother faintly call out your name, you realise how long you've been standing in the kitchen, taking a couple more deep breaths before you join the rest of them. it's clear that everyone's winding down, your sister curled up on your dad's lap, trying to blink away her sleepiness, while everyone else mutedly watched the television. "didn't mean to keep you all up past your bedtime", you try to joke lightheartedly because your parents look like they're about to hit the hay themselves, but it's really so that no one suspects you were having a little breakdown in the kitchen; especially jaehyun.

"you're not wrong", your dad agrees gruffly, stretching a little before tapping on your sister's cheek to wake her, much to her displeasure. "it's technically your mama's turn to put you to bed, isn't it?", he attempts, but is quickly shot down by your mother, pinching his arm after claiming it was certainly not her turn. after their grand performance, both of them comically turn to look at you with a suspiciously bright look in their eyes. you don't even have time to argue, because the second the hint of a sigh leaves your mouth, they're saying "thank you" and "how nice of you to offer", urging your sister to wake up to let her know that you'll be tucking her in tonight.

she perks up a little at this, nodding with a little glint in her eyes. hopping off your dad's lap, she sleepily totters over to you. "can jae come too?", her voice is hopeful and small, and she yawns in the middle of her sentence but she just has this certain charm that makes everyone unable to say 'no' to her. this includes jaehyun, because one look from her with her arms raised and he's picking her up, pretending to complain about it. you can't help but smile at the whole interaction.

"oh quick! before i forget...", your mom gasps in remembrance, picking her phone up from the coffee table with a tired smile. "don't know when i'll get to see the two of you again so, pictures!"

this may be the only part you were slightly prepared for. your mother had a special affinity for taking photos; not that she was any good at it, she just enjoyed capturing these little moments and treating her gallery like a scrapbook. she had more or less documented the entirety of you and jaehyun's relationship, from the first few months where all the photos were cheesy smiles and awkward poses, to when you had grown more comfortable around each other. in fact, a photo she had taken of jaehyun was your wallpaper for quite some time (it took a lot of effort and explaining to help your mom airdrop you the picture)– it was a shot of jaehyun and your sister grinning from ear to ear, both adorning aprons that were covered in flour after a failed attempt at baking cookies.

the point being, you're pretty sure jaehyun was also expecting the pictures, so it didn't really surprise you when he plastered a smile on his face and came to stand beside you. his hand finds the small of your back soon enough and it makes your body stiffen while simultaneously sending a jolt through it, and jaehyun feels it. mistaking the action for uneasiness, he immediately lifts his warm hand off you so that it's now hovering awkwardly over your body, though no one can see that from the front. while you are disappointed, you lean into him anyway, clasping your hands together behind your back as you both give the camera wide smiles. you're so close you can smell his cologne and it's making you dizzy, not because the scent is overpowering but because it's just so familiar and you can't get enough of it.

the moment is gone in a flash because your mother takes three to four photos while cooing at the two of you before she decides to call it a night, and then jaehyun is ripping himself from you. you don't think anyone else recognises it, the way he seems to want to be as far from you as possible because he's so good at masking these things, but you can feel it. you can feel this heat radiating off of his body whenever he's near you and it's not the warm, fuzzy kind of heat. the spot on your back where his hand rested still burns a little.

your parents are exhausted and look more than happy to be able to jump straight into bed, but not before thanking you and jaehyun. you hug and kiss them goodnight, promising that your next visit will be sooner than this one before they exchange pleasantries with jaehyun, making him promise the same. you know this has to be hard on him, making a mental note to apologise profusely before you part ways. with a reminder that the door now locks from the inside, they bid you goodnight and goodbye, trudging off to their room while your sister scampers up the stairs to hers, suddenly full of life.

you understand why your parents were more than happy to hand over bedtime duties to you and your "boyfriend", because putting your little sister to bed turned out to be a piece of work. she started off by blatantly refusing to brush her teeth, but jaehyun had that one sorted when he reminded her that the veggie monster had a lot of friends, so that was done. she changed into her pyjamas all on her own which was a relief, but you were at a loss over how to actually get her into bed.

you both humoured her for a bit, understanding that she was just happy to have her big sister and her big sister's nice boyfriend home again, so a little excitement was expected. jaehyun played along with her, which was a sight to see, following along with the characters she assigned him in her imaginary games. but when bouncing on her bed turned into running around the room like a crazed bunny, it was a little harder to convince her that she needed to sleep now. "look at me, i'm wide awake", she insists, widening her eyes with her fingers to show you both just how awake she was. jaehyun tried a couple times to catch her, but you're both taken by surprise at her remarkable speed and agility. in the end, you had to resort to just sitting down and hoping that she'll tire herself out, which eventually does happen.

she climbs into bed of her own accord, rubbing at her eyes while you pull the duvet over her body, up to her shoulders. "when are you coming next?", she mumbles curiously while you sit on the edge of her bed, jaehyun standing close by. "soon", you reply honestly, knowing that you'll always have a safe place to come to whenever you need. "maybe i'll even stay for a whole weekend next time."

she likes the sound of this, smiling tiredly with her hands peeking over the edge of her cover, holding it closer to her. "will you come too?", this question is directed towards jaehyun, who looks defeated when he opens his mouth to answer. it's not fair, expecting him to lie to your family like this, but you know you've gotta come clean soon. you'd made up your mind at this point and come up with a plan; you'd explain yourself to jaehyun and apologise after which you'll go your separate ways, then you'll tell your family the truth after tonight, or at least make up a more recent break up, and that's that.

when jaehyun looks to you for help, you play with your hands a little, not fully knowing what to say. "if the old ladies at the nursing home let him go, maybe...", is what you decide is the safest option to go with, and your sister seems satisfied enough, giggling drowsily. you know she's close to falling asleep, and you're about to inwardly celebrate a job well done when she pops her next, unexpected question. "will you both be together forever?"

oh. there's a hint of teasing behind her voice, but everything else about the question is innocent and genuine, blinking her eyes open so she can look at the both of you when you answer. though you're not touching him, you can feel jaehyun stiffen next to you, his voice sounding more than a little awkward when he lets out an involuntary "uhh".

"what do you mean, cutie?"

you don't know why he asks that, because it's a pretty straightforward question; will the two of you be together forever? you want to laugh at the irony because you know that if she had asked the same question last time jaehyun came home, you both would have exchanged knowing smiles, giggling shyly while you tried to answer. the answer would've been 'yes', and you know deep down that it still should be.

she clicks her tongue like it's the most obvious and easy question in the world, shrugging her shoulders when she speaks. "you know, that's what people do when they're in love,", she answers with no hesitation, and you want to roll your eyes because who kidnapped your little sister and replaced her with dhar mann? "just like mommy and daddy!"

"daddy and mommy are married, sweetie, it's a little different–"

"i know that", she cuts off your little improvised answer in a deadpan voice that almost makes you feel stupid, but all her questions have your heart thudding against your rib cage, and you're praying to god that jaehyun can't hear it too. "but still, they love each other, and that's why they're together forever. don't you love each other?"

you're pretty sure the world stopped spinning and your heart stopped beating simultaneously, most definitely not expecting these kinds of questions from your sister. how do you even prepare an answer for this kind of situation? you know for a fact that your cheeks are coated in a dark sheen of red, and out of the corner of your eye (because you refuse to look at him), you’re pretty sure you can see the distinct pink colour paint the tips of jaehyun's ears, like they always do when he's shy or embarrassed. you can't not give her an answer, because that looks weird and she's clearly waiting for one, but answering meant that you either tell her the truth, that no, you will not be together forever because your dumbass went and ruined everything for the both of you six months ago, or you can lie and say that she's right, which would be admitting a lot of things that you didn't want to admit–

"nothing's for sure, but you're right, if two people really do love each other...", jaehyun's deep voice brings all your spiralling thoughts to a halt, and you look at him for the first time in a bit, only to find that he's already looking at you, gaze raw and piercing. you hold your breath when he speaks, because you don't trust yourself at the moment. "...they'll end up together forever."

you hear your sister make some kind of a reply, but the heartbeat in your ears is so loud that you don't quite catch it, the eye contact you're holding with jaehyun so intense that it feels wrong to look away. what could he have possibly meant by that? or was it just some half-assed answer to get your sister to go to sleep? you realise that staring at him while trying to use your sixth sense to nonverbally convey these questions to him isn't going to work, but you can feel the lump forming in your throat, needing to get out of this situation quickly.

it takes everything in you to break the eye contact in favour of pressing a quick peck to your sister's temple, and she looks about ten seconds away from just crashing. "night y/n, night jae...", and with that she's out like a light, and you two wait wordlessly until her breathing evens out before silently exiting the room.

once her bedroom door is shut, you make a beeline for the front door, way too scared and vulnerable right now to look at jaehyun. he doesn't say anything, so neither do you, making sure the door is actually locked before taking your phone out of your pocket. the time on your phone screen reads '11:43', and you know it's too late to try and catch the metro or a bus, but you're too stubborn and embarrassed to ask jaehyun to drop you.

the air is cold outside, much colder than it was inside your warm house. at the current moment, there is no breeze either, the trees are still and there are only a few lights on around the street, and it just makes everything seem so still and loud. you look out at the road, eyes zeroing in on this one lamp post where you shared one of your first few kisses with the man standing beside you. it's crazy how time can change things, you think, because never would you have believed in the moment that jaehyun called you "the most beautiful girl in the world" before leaning in to sweetly connect your lips that he could ever be something so close to a stranger within months.

ultimately opting to look at him, you're once again unable to read the expression on his face as you try your best to speak your mind to him. "um, i'm gonna book a cab, so you're officially free to go. thanks again for tonight, you really didn't have to come with me, so i owe you one. or i don't have to owe you one, because we're not going to see each other again- anything's good with me, just uh...thanks."

he waits patiently for you to finish, and aside from the slightest hint of amusement in his eyes, you're at a loss over what he's really thinking, but his face is so stupidly handsome that you're feeling angry and a little awkward, choosing to look around, and at the floor, playing with your fingers as you spoke.

"you're so dramatic y/n, i can drop you home, it's no big deal", he's already walking towards the road and biting his lip, and you can't tell whether it's out of habit or if he's trying to hide a smile, yet something tells you that it might be the latter.

"so you just let me say all that even though you were gonna offer to drop me? dude..."

the initial ten minutes of the drive are uncommunicative, both of you choosing to look at the dark road instead of acknowledging the awkward silence that was swallowing the car up whole. you don’t talk about your argument in the kitchen, you don’t make small talk about dinner, you don’t talk. you'd normally play some music in the background and you know that your phone is definitely still connected to his car's bluetooth, but somehow it just doesn't feel right– punishing yourself by sitting in this impenetrable silence should do you better.

the roads are more or less empty, save for the lone car or bike that speeds past you. jaehyun knows the way to your house from your parent's because of the amount of times you've driven back and forth, so you don't feel the need to tell him to turn right or to keep going down a certain road, making for even more silence.

part of you is still a little thankful that it isn't the most short drive, even though you aren't even speaking to each other. all it takes is picturing your empty house, devoid of the homely domestic feeling it used to carry when jaehyun was a frequent visitor. what would you even do when you got home? wallow in self-pity over your life choices? play 'sweet' by cigarettes after sex because it reminds you of him, then put on his hoodie that doesn't even smell like him anymore, just so you can curl up in bed and have a good cry while you reminisce? you're starting to think that maybe attempting to talk to him isn't the worst idea, at least it'll give you something to cry about later.

you're going crazy wracking your brain, trying to think of something to say that wouldn't make the atmosphere even more uneasy, but all you got was "hey, thanks again for coming" and "hey, sorry for breaking up with you, what's good though?". you can't even help the wince creeping on your face, finally choosing to go with the former before you have a heart attack and die in jaehyun's front seat.

"thanks again for agreeing to come", you start, absolutely hating the break in your voice from not talking for some time. "you really didn't have to do that. and for dropping me."

he offers you a quick nod in your general direction and fixes his eyes on the road ahead like he was zipping through a crowded highway, though you're sure there isn't a car in sight. "like i said, it's cool", is all you get in return, and you have to remind yourself that he has every right to be short with you.

but still, you try again. "and you don't have to worry about my parents", chewing on your bottom lip, you actually look at him this time, hoping it'll prompt him to do the same, but it doesn't. "i'm gonna tell them the truth."

he releases a short breath from his nose like he finds your statement funny, but continues to not really say anything, just nodding to indicate that he heard you. you subconsciously clench and unclench your jaw at that, because god, he's so fucking annoying, but you swear you don't mean to release the slightly irritated sigh that you do. if you hadn't seen his knuckles turning white from how hard he's gripping the steering wheel, you might not have known that your little sigh pissed him off, because you can't tell it from his face, save from the barely-there eyebrow twitch.

you don't know what it is about car rides with only one other person that make you feel so vulnerable, but you think paired with this kind of silence, you could potentially confess to murder in this setting. it's infuriating, how unresponsive he is, and part of you thinks you're jealous of the control he's exerting, because you're dead sure that if you were in his position, you'd have a fair amount to say. it must be satisfying for him in a way, watching you squirm like this out of guilt and discomfort, but you know in your heart that jaehyun simply isn't like that.

"look, jaehyun", your mouth is working faster than your brain, the silence proving to be too much for you to handle. "i know i fucked things up a bit. with how i ended it and everything..."

perhaps you should've taken a little more time to properly articulate your thoughts, because even jaehyun can't control the astounded scoff that slips out of his mouth. you yourself can't believe that you chose to deliver your words like that and it makes you sound so self-righteous, but they're out, and now you're bracing yourself to finally hear what jaehyun really has to say.

"fucked things up a bit? are you serious?", you can hear it in his voice that he's holding back, but he chooses to laugh in disbelief instead, which you think is actually worse than him straight up screaming at you. "y/n, you didn't even bother telling me in person. you dumped me over the fucking phone, saying it wasn't working."

you now kind of wish that you had just kept quiet and sat in his awkward car, and exchanged awkward niceties when you reach home, never to see him again. but this is your final chance at some form of redemption, and now that jaehyun was actually speaking his mind instead of giving you tight nods, you tried to explain yourself.

"jaehyun, i know, i just–"

"i called you a bunch of times. i tried to come see you and everything, but you went and changed your lock and all your friends were saying you didn't want to see me?"

there goes trying to explain yourself. so you sat and listened instead, and it was the least you could do. jaehyun's voice became more and more strained as he talked, the emotions he was feeling now a lot more evident. he was angry, but more importantly, he was confused, and sad.

"i just- i didn't know what went wrong, you know? we were completely fine as far as i knew", he continues on in a laboured way and he's not looking for you speak right now, so you don't. "fuck i- i thought we were in love."

the little laugh he lets out in between his words more or less breaks your heart, the whole scenario sounding all too familiar. those exact words were the last thing you'd heard from jaehyun before you fully and cruelly broke things off, letting him know the decision was final before cutting the call. you remember that day so clearly. you had meant to go see him and explain all this in person, that’s the whole reason you were in the car, but for some reason, you just couldn’t do it. you remember how much your hands were shaking as you waited for him to pick up the call, sitting in the car by yourself in the middle of your driveway. how long you sat and cried after you ended the call, tears falling until there weren't any left. how it began raining the very second you stepped out of your car to go back inside.

the weather was a funny thing, choosing to mirror your mood only when it saw fit. it was warm and sunny on the day you broke up with him, gentle breeze and wispy clouds all around. it was warm and sunny this morning, the weather ever so pleasant as you plucked up the courage to walk to his door. it was still unusually warm and sunny for the couple months following your break up, feeling sour as ever that the weather was so lovely and all you could do was sit in your room and feel sorry.

you took note of all these occasions because it always used to piss you off. though you shiver now in the car, you think it's kind of satisfying in a way, because the only two times your mood and the weather lined up was right after the break up, and the second you stepped outside your house with jaehyun; it feels like a premonition, or a revelation of sorts. the grey of the stormy sky matched the absolute devastation you felt after breaking up with him, rain pouring from the heavy clouds like they were crying for you. now, the cold, still air feels like baited breath, awaiting your next move.

"and nothing, i hear nothing from you for six fucking months until you're suddenly on my doorstep, asking me to pretend to be your boyfriend for a night. that's fucking insane!", he sounds a little wild now, very exasperated, but you figure it's probably better to just let him get it all out of his system, and you'd do good to listen to him as well. everything he's saying makes complete sense, all the emotions he dealt with akin to what you would've gone through had it been you in his place. "and you know what's more insane? i agreed. after all that, i agreed."

that’s the part you don’t understand. your heart is racing listening to him and you have so many thoughts swimming around in your head, it's difficult to filter them. you feel similar to how you felt back in the kitchen, although this time you can't take a minute by yourself to get over it. you absolutely refuse to cry in this moment, not wanting to seem like you're trying to victimise yourself when you are aware you're the problem. but you can feel your heart breaking all over again.

"why did you agree?", you physically can't raise your voice to louder than a whisper, the tension too thick to try and overpower it.

"why did you dump me?", he counters like a child, and while you were expecting the question, it still makes you freeze up a little. he huffs in annoyance when you don't say anything, inclining his head while he waits expectantly for you to answer. "you wanted to talk? let's talk, y/n. you don't get to just waltz back into my life like it's nothing. it's not fair,"  it's so cold, the way he says your name, but you try your best not to let it further shake you, mustering up the courage to finally speak. "it's so stupid, jaehyun."

he looks like he's about two seconds away from just combusting, the only sound piercing the cold air being the gentle hum of the engine. "don't you think i deserve to know?", he urges, voice edged with hurt and frustration. "i spent the whole day with you and your family, pretending like everything was happy and normal when it's not."

"i know, jaehyun-"

"then, tell me."

you shift uncomfortably in your seat, teeth toying with your bottom lip as you avoid looking at him. "i don't know," you murmur, your voice barely audible to yourself over the pounding of your heart.

"you don't know?", he repeats incredulously, his tone tinged with disbelief. "after everything, you don't know? don't lie to me, y/n."

your throat tightens as guilt washes over you, but you try to stand your ground. "i just... i couldn't do it anymore," you confess, voice trembling with emotion.

"couldn't do what?", he presses, his frustration mounting with each passing moment. you know he doesn't believe you, dead set on getting the answers he deserves. he's driving slowly now, allowing him to turn his head in your direction more often.

"this!", you exclaim but immediately recoil when you see the look of hurt flash in his eyes. "no! not this, i mean- me! it's my fault, you did nothing wrong." you're saying all the wrong things, but you're too overcome with emotion to attempt to form a coherent sentence. still, you know it's time that the truth came out, so you continue to explain with a heavy heart.

"i didn't mean to hurt you," you choke out, and your voice is so thick you have to swallow before you carry on. he looks indignant and rightfully so, but you go on before he can interrupt you again. "but i was so scared, jaehyun."

his expression softens at your state, replaced with a mixture of sadness and resignation. "scared of what?", he asks quietly, his words hanging heavy in the air. you feel the need to pause for a moment, hands balled into tight fists as you try to regulate your breathing. you really didn't take into account how debilitating the night would be on yourself. sure, you knew it was going to be tough seeing jaehyun again, especially if he agreed to pretend to be together, but you weren't really expecting to hash it out like this, the weight of your decision pressing down on your like a leaden blanket.

the car moves so slow it may as well be still but  when you turn to him, you can feel the burn of jaehyun's gaze, his eyes searching for some semblance of understanding. "i loved you", he whispers, voice cracking with the intensity of his words. "i would've done anything for you."

you're still, you're so so still. tears threaten to spill from your eyes as you struggle to find the right words to say, but he's completely thrown you off. the car has slowed to a stop, engine idling before he eventually turns it off in favour of turning to you.

"that's exactly why," you reply weakly, your voice a fraction of the volume it normally is. he surveys you intently, his expression a mix of confusion and hurt, eyes reflecting the very same sadness you feel.

"what do you mean?"

"i was scared of hurting you," your confession does nothing to ease his confusion, but you can see he looks more shocked than anything now. "scared of hurting me?," he echoes, his uncertainty and disbelief palpable. "this is so ironic, it's almost funny..."

you think hearing any more of what he has to say is actually going to kill you internally, so you know you have to rush to explain before he starts giving you a piece of his mind again. "i know, it's so fucking stupid, jaehyun", your voice is trembling from the sheer guilt you feel, bottom lip quivering so much you have to bite it to get it to stop. "everything was going so perfectly, you were so perfect, and it scared me so much."

he falls silent, much to your relief, his expression even softening minutely as he processes your words and this gives you the encouragement to continue. "remember that night on the beach? on the trip last year?", you speak tentatively, wanting him to understand your thought process and the tangled mess of emotions swirling inside you at the time, though it's not much of a defense. the memory floods into your mind so vividly, and you can see it all; the salt in the air, the gentle breeze, the feeling of the sand, your intertwined hands swinging. it was so serene and you'd give anything to be there in that moment again, though it's nothing but a distant dream now.

he nods slowly without speaking, and you release a wet sort of laugh, feeling like you'd choke on the lump in your throat. "we talked about everything that night, our families, our childhoods, our futures...and then you brought up what would happen after we graduated college."

you know he remembers because his eyes light up with recognition and he looks like he's replaying that exact moment in his head, and you hope he remembers it with the same soft, gushy feeling you do. "you said you wanted to move in together, and don't get me wrong, i was thrilled, but it made me realise how...serious everything was, you know?", your voice catches in your throat and you're talking to yourself as much as you're talking to him and he seems to understand that, because he makes no attempt to stop you.

it's silent again for a bit as you two reminisce, but you break it again. "i just knew i was going to fuck up, jaehyun. maybe not right away, but eventually, and the thought terrified me," you sniffle a little, not being able to bring yourself to look up from your hands to meet his gaze. "that feeling never really went away, and it was eating me up from the inside. it got so bad that i had convinced myself that you were going to leave me, so i had to do it first, before i fucked up."

your sorrowful confession hangs in the air like an echo and you finally give in to the urge to look at him, and you're shocked– he looks at you so carefully, his expression soft, much, much softer than before. you couldn't stop the tears from finally falling if you tried , the soft glow of the dashboard illuminating the contours of your now wet face. your shared eye contact makes you feel nervous, but not in the way you were expecting– it's too gentle, too raw and it makes you feel a certain way.

"i know it's not an excuse," you're blubbering so much that your cheeks feel hot, you're practically falling apart in the passenger seat of jaehyun's car while he watches and lets you pour all your miseries out onto him. "you don't know how much i regretted it...but i thought i did the right thing. for the both of us. even though i just ended up doing what i was trying to avoid by hurting you."

it's too much now, jaehyun's too silent, and too not-angry for your liking; why is he looking at you in a way that makes you feel like he doesn't think you're the worst person in the world? you can't hold back the sob that's building in your chest, doubling over in favour of pressing your hands against your face and bawling into them. you're not too loud a cryer, but the tremors of emotion you feel are making your shoulders shake, so you're crying silently into your hands while trembling. however guarded he tries to be, the gentleness of his voice overpowers it as he speaks. "i know, shh...," he murmurs and you can't believe your ears, that the man you thought hated you is actually attempting to comfort you after everything. "breathe, y/n."

like it's second nature to him, his hand travels to your back as the sobs wrack through your body, immediately drawing soothing circles on to your covered skin with his thumb. you don't know how but this almost makes you feel worse, the fact that he's still so caring towards you. you pluck up the strength to lift your face from your moist hands, and you're sure it's not a pretty sight that greets him. your nose feels unbelievably stuffy, and your face is on fire when you meet his sympathetic eyes, the warmth from his gaze and hand spreading throughout you, even though he's now removed it. "i'm sorry," you manage through sniffles, but you think you almost flatline when he reaches his hand towards your face, ever so gently caressing it. his thumb juts out and sweeps across the skin under your eye, wiping away at the wetness. "i know."

"shh, it's okay. you're okay", he coos gently and slowly takes his hand back in favour of imitating slow breaths for you, helping you relax a little as you copy him. "why would you think i'd leave you?", he asks carefully once you've calmed down a bit and wiped your tear-streaked face, simply surveying you now. all you can offer him is a defeated shrug, attempting to collect your thoughts. "remember i told you about my ex? the very first one?"

he nods.

"i moved on obviously, like ages ago, but since then i think i've always had this idea that getting dumped is inevitable", you try to explain, voice small as he listens patiently. "it was either leave them or get left, and i was so scared that it would happen with you, that i'd fuck up so bad that you would leave. i couldn't do it."

he frowns and calls out your name in a way that sounds like he's about to lecture you, but you know he can't tell you anything that you haven't already told yourself. "i know, jae, it was so stupid, i know. i don't regret anything more", you sigh, giving him a tight, small smile when you lock eyes. "i'm sorry."

you notice his eyes soften at the nickname, releasing a quiet huff before he runs a hand through his hair. his body language doesn't carry the same anger it did before when he was ranting, now looking subdued and reflective. "i understand why you did what you did. it was stupid, but i understand", he murmurs, his voice impossibly soft when meeting your gaze, the eye contact so intense that you have to physically remind yourself not to cry again by digging your fingernails into your palms. "i would've never left you."

you nod slowly at his admission, his words hanging in the air. "i should've just talked to you...", you concluded in a sullen way and he doesn't reply in full, just mumbling a soft "yeah" under his breath. you don't mind the silence that fills the car this time, the underlying tension more or less dissipated, but you do notice the time, realising that jaehyun still needs to go back home after dropping you.

"should we, uh...", you gesture towards the road and he jumps up in his seat, as though he forgot that he was driving you somewhere in the first place, muttering "sorry" before twisting the key to start the car. this makes you let out an involuntary giggle and jaehyun shoots you a quick glare which immediately shuts you up, a certain warmth blooming in your chest when you see a small smile creep on to his face out of the corner of your eye.

it's quiet for a bit, jaehyun focusing on the road while you gaze out the window. much to your dismay, both the road and the various buildings and shops start to look a lot more familiar, indicating that you are nearing your home. you shouldn't be dismayed really, because this wasn't the most congenial of car rides, but it means that your time with jaehyun is coming to an end. you don't know what the conversation that took place means for you and him however, because unless you're alarmingly stupid, you feel that he may not hate you as much as he once did. does this mean you might even be able to see him again sometime? in a setting where you're not sweating and shaking at just the thought of seeing him?

you think it might be a bit audacious of you to ask that, so you don't. instead, you turn to him with a light grin, playing with the necklace clasped around your neck. "hey, at least you got some new headphones out of all of this", you joke lightheartedly, eyeing the package sitting on the backseat. he lets out a heartwarming chuckle at your comment, glancing at the bag through his rear view mirror. "i can't believe your parents bought that for me. you think they'll make me return it when they find out we aren't together?", he remarks, and you do your best to ignore the little pang you feel at the reminder of your situation. his comment does make you snort though, and you nod along with him. "nah, you need it more than anyone. your airpods have seen better days."

he laughs again, and you wouldn't believe that you two were arguing back and forth like madmen some twenty minutes back. this feels familiar and comfortable, and you cross your fingers in case you jinx it. "do you remember that time when we planned a picnic..." jaehyun begins, a sense of nostalgia shining through his cheeks. "and you forgot to bring the speakers? and we tried blasting music through my one airpod?"

you can't stop the peals of laughter that escape from your mouth as you nod, covering your mouth when your snort makes him laugh as well. "remind me why we didn't just play the music straight from your phone?", you question, replaying the memory in your mind like it was recent. he pauses to think for a moment, rubbing the back of his neck while he hums. "yeah, what the fuck? why didn't we just do that?"

you're laughing in unison as you take this trip down memory lane together, the next few minutes of the car ride consisting of exclamations of "oh! remember when..." and "that time when...", both of you adding on to the memories with your own perspectives and insights. the fact that the conclusion of your little dispute remains ambiguous doesn't bother you too much at the moment, happy to just enjoy the warm atmosphere while you can.

jaehyun's animatedly recounting a story about your sister downloading a game on his phone when you face him, and the last thing you remember paying attention to was that she had somehow managed to spend a large amount of his actual money on it. your eyes are focused on him now, just studying him, and he seems to realise that you aren't listening to his story when he glances at you.

"what?", he questions, the corner of his eyes crinkling when he narrows them at you in an playful manner, taking one hand off the steering wheel to drum absentmindedly on his thigh. "nothing, i just...", you trail off, scanning his features. "you changed your hair. it's...nice. i wanted to tell you that earlier."

he clearly wasn't expecting the compliment, mouth opening and then closing as he tries to think of an admissible reply. "you like it?", he then asks, a shy smile tugging at his lips when he consciously cards his fingers through the longer bit at the back. at your reaffirming nod and heavy gaze, the expected pink sheen dusts his cheeks and though you can't see them, you know the tips of his ears are pink too. he mumbles something of a timid "thank you", both of you smiling like idiots while he trains his eyes on the road.

not too soon after, his car is pulling into your dark driveway. you can't help the sinking feeling in your chest, lips curved slightly downwards. none of the lights are on, save for the streetlight, illuminating the street in a ghostly, dim way. your house looks just like it had for the past many months, gloomy and lonely, and you're absolutely dreading the idea of moping around once again. if this day spent with jaehyun has showed you anything, it's that you're a 100% sure you've not moved on, and that you won't for a long, long time. simply put, you're still in love with him, and you'll have to carry the cross of your mistake for some time to come.

he switches the ignition off but neither of you move. you're sat in your dull driveway on an otherwise empty street, all the other lights of your neighbouring houses off. neither of you say anything, mostly because you're not sure what one is supposed to say in this situation, so everything is still.

"so–"

"well–"

you let out a nervous chuckle while he smiles a bit, both of you mumbling apologies for interrupting each other. "you go first", jaehyun compels you, but now you don't know what to say because you were just going to make it up as you speak. your mouth has a way of working faster than your brain sometimes, but neither seem to be too functional at the present moment. "no, you go", is all you got, and jaehyun has the nerve to roll his eyes, twisting in his seat a little so he's facing you.

"i was just going to say that we uh, reached your place", he claims in a deadpanned manner, but your car door is still locked and your seatbelt is still locked in. you think you must have lost your mind, hoping that he'd tell you to stay with him forever and never leave (which you would have agreed to in a heartbeat). "i guess we have...", you nod, looking out the window and observing your home. maybe it was the dread of going back to your old routine that gave you the sudden boost of confidence, but you realise he never answered your question from before.

"jaehyun...", you begin but falter when you think you might be overstepping, ultimately deciding to just ask anyway when he looks at you expectantly. "why did you agree to come today? we both know you didn't have to."

he looks like he was dreading the very question you asked for some time, shutting his eyes when he leans his head back against the headrest and sighs. "i don't know", is the answer he gives you, voice muffled through the palms of his hands that are rubbing his face tiredly. biting your lip, you have to hold back a similar sigh because you should've known he's not going to just tell you like that. you have no right to press, but yet you do, one more time. "jaehyun, please?"

maybe it's because you sound so meek, but he drops his hands in favour of looking at you, really looking at you, like he's searching your eyes. "why do you think?", he turns it back on you, but you know this is just his way of avoiding the question. "if i knew, i wouldn't be asking. i know you don't have to tell me, you don't owe me a single thing, i just–", you speak desperately with all of the confidence you can muster, worried that your bottom lip would start trembling again. "please, i need to know."

you're looking each other dead in the eye, and while your voice isn't strong, it's honest and raw, and jaehyun can sense that. you can see that there's a million thoughts running in his mind just by the pained look in his eye and your own heartbeat has picked up, the sound deafening in your ears.

"if you haven't figured it out by now, i don't know what to tell you."

thud. thud. thud. you wonder if he can hear your heartbeat over the sound of his, but the blood pumping through your veins is making your ears ring, because what did he mean by that? you hope it means what you want it to mean, but you can't just assume you know everything because you're delusional at this point. "jaehyun, what are you sayi–"

"i agreed because i'm still in love with you."

there it is. the silence after his confession is positively deafening, your mouth agape as your try to register what you just heard. your eyes flicker between his, searching for any signs that he's just messing you and that it's some cruel joke, though it would be completely in his right to fuck with you if he wanted. he's never looked more vulnerable, eyes trained on you in an almost frantic way, like he himself can't believe what he just said. the way he just blurted it out makes you think that he didn't fully mean to admit that, but it's out, nothing he could do to take it back.

"what?", your own voice sounds like an echo and you wish you had something else to say because you heard him loud and clear, but there's a burning ache in your chest that claws all the way up to your throat. the shock is evident in your voice, not knowing what to do with yourself as you visibly process his words. "tell me you're joking", you plead in a pained way, words barely above a whisper. he doesn't say anything, looking lost in his own thoughts as his eyes scan your face. "you don't hate me?"

"hate you?", he scoffs disconsolately, shaking his head slowly. "i couldn't hate you if i tried. and believe me, i tried."

you can hardly believe your ears. you know your heart shouldn't be pounding the way it is, it feels wrong almost for you to be feeling as relieved as you are. "after everything?", you insist dumbfoundedly, but the longing in your voice is palpable, even if you're trying to give him a way out. "i was so horrible to you, jaehyun." you hate the way your voice cracks, but jaehyun just sighs and offers you a sad smile.

"there's nothing you could do to make me hate you."

it's heartbreaking, how defeated he sounds, but he's also looking at you like you could do no wrong in his eyes. "i never moved on", you whisper, hesitance clear as you tell him the truth. "i couldn't delete any of our pictures, i still have all your clothes, sometimes i accidentally set the table for two when it's just me..."

he's blinking quickly, and if you didn't know any better, you'd say he was trying to hold back tears. your break-up did nothing but cause immense amounts of pain for the both of you, and you'd give anything in the world to make up the time lost. his wide-eyed and nearly motionless expression urges you to continue, ready to pour out your heart to the man you loved.

"i still have your number memorised", your face mirrors his, voice growing stronger by the minute. "all the gifts and letters you've ever given me, they're all still there in that shoebox in my cupboard."

"i thought about you everyday", his whisper is raspy, speaking right after you do. "every party i went to, i looked for you even though i knew you wouldn't be there. you know johnny tried setting me up with people?"

you try to suppress the little sting, but you feel it deep inside you. "he did?", you have to clear your throat, and you almost don't want to ask but you do anyway. he releases a sad little chuckle and nods, toying with his fingers. "yeah. i knew i was doomed when the whole date, i wished she was you."

the smile finds its way on to your face against your will, feeling that familiar lump make its way to your throat. "she could've made you happy, jae", you argue anyway because at the end of the day, you want the best for him, and you know you're far from the best.

"no one could make me feel the way you do, y/n", he replied honestly, and there's a sense of finality to his words, like he'd had this same argument with himself time and time again, only to come to this conclusion. “the thought of anyone else touching you made me sick��, he croaked, not missing the way his eyes ghost over your frame.

his words bring about a noticeable shift in the air, followed by silence. he watches you, and you watch him, breathing slow as your eyes dart across his face.”i don’t want anyone but you”, you confess slowly, and a few beats pass before you find it in you to speak again. "i love you, jaehyun."

silence.

you expected disapproval, maybe even a malicious scoff, but you certainly weren't expecting to feel a soft pair of lips against yours as he suddenly lurches forward.

you're stunned, so stunned that you don't even reciprocate the kiss, lips unmoving against his. it's only when he takes this as a sign of discomfort and breaks the kiss that you find yourself reacting, hands immediately making their way to caress his cheeks, leaning forward to chase his lips and close the distance between you. he lets out a sound of surprise against your lips but kisses you back right away, a hand wrapping around your neck from the back, tangling itself in your hair. the kiss is heated and so long overdue, tangible through the way his lips meld furiously together with yours, teeth clashing every now and then.

your hands make their way to his broad shoulders, one wrapping around them while the other comes to rest on his chest, gripping the material of his hoodie. you have the urge to be impossibly close to him, trying to lean forward to kiss him more fully but you're restricted by your seatbelt. it's almost as if he can read your mind, because the hand placed against your face now moves to press on the buckle to release you without breaking the kiss. "fucking seatbelt...", he mumbles disgruntedly against your lips, fiddling with the button until you hear it click, finally separating yourself from him to slip it over you. "there we go."

you don't stay separated for long because jaehyun uses the hand behind your head to pull you towards him again, capturing your lips in a way that makes all the air leave your lungs. "come here", he grunts, using his long arms to pull you clumsily over the gearshift and straight on to his lap. you settle yourself in to the somewhat awkward position in the enclosed space, but that's the last thing on your mind when all your thoughts consist of jaehyun, jaehyun, jaehyun. his lips are back on yours in a instance, tongue sweeping across your bottom lip messily and you gladly allow it to explore your mouth.

the air is impossibly thick, heavily contrasting to the cold weather outside the car, even his lips and hands feel warm against your hot body. you feel his hands grip your waist easily in this position, lips leaving your own to drag across the expanse of your jaw. you whine quietly at the feeling of his mouth sucking a particular spot on your neck, tilting your head back as you wrap your arms around his neck. "missed this", he muses, tongue peeking out to kitten lick at your neck, breath hot against your sensitive skin. "missed you."

the feeling in your chest when his hands find their way under your shirt and on to your bare skin is inexplicable, unable to stop the soft moan from tumbling from your lips when his big hands glide over your stomach, back and finally your breasts. everything about the way he's touching you and kissing you is greedy and urgent, like he's afraid you'll disappear from his arms if he loosens his grip even by a little bit. you'd be a fool to not match this energy, pressing into him while you squeeze your hands over his. "need you so bad, jae."

you're subconsciously grinding down against him needily, hips stuttering against his lap like you've never been touched before. "fuck", your eyes widen at the groan that leaves his throat, sounding absolutely guttural as he grips the skin of your hip harshly.

he's barely done anything and you're coming undone right in front of his watchful eyes, your panties dampening at the look on his face. "jae..", you whine when his fingers dip past the waistband of your pants, gently cupping your clothed core as you rut against it. "shit, baby", he marvels at the stickiness of your panties, feeling your wetness on his fingers just through the material. "you really missed me, huh?"

you don't even have the time to respond to his cocky remark before his fingers are slipping beneath the band of your panties to circle your clit, spreading the wetness around your folds. a breathy sigh escapes your lips, throwing your head back as he experimentally prods at your entrance and eventually slips a finger inside. "still so tight for me", he all but groans, pumping his finger in and out of you languidly, drinking in the sounds of your pleasure. he feels so blissfully familiar, and though you haven't been touched by him, or anyone for that matter for months, the stretch of his second finger feels the same kind of intimate as it did before, if not more.

you lean forward and press your lips against his once again, kissing him like you might never get the chance to again, all while you're grinding back down on his hand that's fingering you steadily with a thumb circling your clit at the same time. his free hand moves to bunch your top up above your breasts, peppering kisses over the tops of them. he wastes no time in pulling your breasts free from from their cups, attaching his lips to one nipple and swirling his tongue around it in a way that makes you cry out. "my pretty girl", he mumbles almost to himself while cupping your other breast, making a show out of it as his tongue flicks over your hardened bud over and over until your arching your back and pressing it further into his face. “thought about this all the time.”

keeping in mind that you're still technically in a public place, you bite your lip to contain the sounds of your pleasure, though jaehyun doesn't make it easy when he notices this and increases the pace of his fingers. the hand fondling your breast leaves it unattended for a moment to release your bottom lip from your teeth, smoothing his thumb over the swollen skin. "i've waited months to hear these sounds. let me hear you, baby", he all but purrs and that's all it takes for a moan to tumble out of your mouth, pressing your forehead against the side of his face while you screw your eyes shut out of pleasure.

with his attack on your sensitive buds and his fingers pistoning inside of you, you know you aren't going to last long. "already?", jaehyun chides with a small smirk, and it's embarrassing how well he knows your body, grazing his teeth against your nipple in a way that feels painful and heavenly at the same time. you can feel his rock hard bulge against you, and with the untimely grinding of your hips against him, you're sure this is torturous for him. "don't wanna come like this", you whine against his cheek, your entire body feeling sticky from the heat inside the closed vehicle. your puckered lips leave wet kisses all over the expanse of his cheek, and the boyish giggle that leaves his mouth makes your heart flutter. "wanna feel you, jae."

his head is thrown back against the headrest and his eyes are shut tightly, jaw clenched as he slowly slips his fingers out of you. though you whine at the loss of contact and you're almost grinding against the air, you want nothing more than to make him feel good as well. "want you to fill me up", you coo at him, softly linking your hands behind his neck as you test the waters with your words. it's clear they have an effect on him, both hands placed on your hips as he helps you lazily grind against his erection. "don't– have a condom", he grits out, hips bucking up to meet yours. "don't need one", you murmured immediately, knowing he wants this as bad as you do.

his eyes flicker open at that, one hand leaving your hip to brush some stray hairs away from your face, gently tucking some behind your ear. you could melt at the way he's looking at you, so tender and loving, a warmth spreading all over you until you feel like you have to look away. he doesn't let you however, hand quickly coming you to cup your cheek before leaning in place a small peck against your lips. "are you sure?", he sounds breathless, but still firm as his eyes glance between yours like he's reading them.

if he can read them, he'll know that you can't nod fast enough, dragging your hips across his needily to show him. "i'm sure. i want you, jae.", you're so needy that you don't even bother to take your pants or panties off fully, fingers fumbling with the waistband as you shimmy them down a little, leaving your underwear on. you swear your mouth waters when he unbuttons his pants and lets his cock spring out against his stomach, lustful eyes taking in the way he keeps his shirt up with his teeth. if this weren't such an awkward position, you'd have taken him in your mouth in an instant, knowing exactly what to do to hear the man in front of you whimper.

nudging your panties to the side, he focuses on collecting your wetness all over the tip of his dick, hissing at the contact. "please", you whine, not wanting to waste another moment, finally sighing in relief when he begins to press his cock inside you. he swears under his breath at the feeling, and you're feeling so stretched out just from him slipping it in even though you're still so wet that you just go lax in his arms until he bottoms out. "that's it", he grunts like he's holding back. "taking me so well, angel."

you preen at his praise, finally beginning to move your hips a little at his coaxing. sighing against the shell of his ear, he picks up the pace for you, not warning you before thrusting upwards to meet your movements with a groan. you can feel your mind going blank at the sensation, your moans sounding more like cries whenever he snaps his hips into yours, the obscene sounds filling the car. you're just so full, his hands gliding up and down your sides as he fucks deep inside you, making up for all the lost time. "you feel so good, baby", he barely gets his words out, but it gives you the encouragement to bounce up and down on his thick cock a little faster than before, his eyes widening at the feeling. "just like that."

he's kissing and sucking all over your neck again, lips ghosting over whatever skin he can reach and it's all so much, feeling a single tear stream down your face. he almost slows down for a second when he feels the tear drop on to his own face, eyebrows raised in surprise because he thinks he's hurting you, but he's even more shocked when you let out the high-pitched whine. "what's wrong, angel?", he mumbles into your neck, peering up at you carefully. you shake your head profusely, continuing to grind down on his cock. "i just- just love you so much, jae", you blabber incoherently, so wet that you're practically gushing around his dick.

"aw, baby", he shushes you sweetly, pressing his forehead against yours as his thrusts become more and more erratic. "i'm here. not going anywhere." the coil in your stomach is tightening and you can feel every inch of him inside you, more tears threatening to spill from your eyes before he's kissing them away. "i'm here."

he's hitting all the right spots inside you in this position, and he's basically doing all the work because you're like putty in his strong arms, all you can do is moan and cry out against him weakly. "i'm close", you warn him, but you know he already knows that, and you know he is too, slipping your hand down to where his rests on your hip and interlacing your fingers. "me too, pretty", he sputters through his teeth, giving your hand a tight squeeze as you start to come undone. “want you to cum. can you do that for me?”

"oh my god", you're crying out as you cum around his cock, body and mind going numb and ears ringing as the coil finally snaps. "cum inside me, jae, please", his eyes go wide at the way you're begging him, and he doesn't look like he can hold back much longer. "fuck angel, you- you sure–"

"yes, please, need you to fill me up", you cut him off, too sensitive from the way he's helping you ride out your high to move anymore. with a few more sloppy thrusts, his cock is twitching inside you before you lets out a guttural groan, his warm cum filling you up. you go limp against him, face nuzzled into the crook of his neck as the both of you try to regulate your heartbeats.

the sounds of your heavy breathing fills up the car along with jaehyun's soft murmurs of "so perfect" and "did so well for me". any doubts you had in your mind of this being a mistake in jaehyun's eyes are wiped away when he begins petting your head, gently smoothing your messy hair as he presses firm kisses to your head. his cock softens inside of you but he makes no move to pull out, wrapping his arms around your waist while you do the same around his neck, simply sitting in each other's presence silently.

you struggle but finally pick yourself up, gazing at his moonlit face from your place on his lap. “you okay? was that okay?”, he murmurs softly, his voice thick and eyes hazy as he traces little shapes on your back. “more than okay”, you reply tiredly, pressing your lips against his once again because you feel you’re in a dream-like state right now. you're sure he's the most beautiful man you're ever had the privilege of looking at, feeling incredibly vulnerable when you speak again even though he's looking at you with nothing but love in his eyes. "now what?", you question, suddenly feeling like you've jumped the gun when he opens his mouth to say something but stays silent. "never mind, don't answer that, we'll talk about it later", you shake your head, laughing a little breathlessly when he grins at you, pecking his forehead sweetly.

you look away from him and at your lifeless house, mouth working faster than your brain once again. "would you...want to come in?", you wince, feeling kind of stupid for asking but meaning it anyway. you're both comforted and thrilled when a large grin is plastered on to his face, feeling like maybe your home won't be as lifeless anymore.

"i think i'd love to come in."

[silverislander]

holy fuck. google docs ate my entire character/planning/worldbuilding document for neri. it's all gone

[hyunjins-orange-slice-too]

kneeling on the floor

pairing: chan x fem. reader

genre: smut

word count: ~1.8k

warnings: oral (m. receiving), pet names (baby, honey, princess, little one), brief mentions of sub space, praise, squirting, cum in mouth, cum play.

masterlist • han •

an: i was blushing and kicking my feet while writing this one. my biggest fear is chan finding this account (or anyone in my real life finding this account) just strike me dead at that point.

you knew he had a long day at the studio. you knew he was so exhausted and working so hard with an impending comeback and world tour coming. though, you didn't want to think about a world tour right now. just thinking of it made you sad. but you had been thinking all day about how you could help him relax when he got home. and you came to a conclusion that, honestly, would make you both very happy.

and that's what led you here. naked. kneeling on the hard wood floor directly inside the door to the apartment. he would open the door and there you would be. you heard his footsteps approaching the door. the buttons on the keypad beeping as he punched in the code. the door slowly swinging open, his face focused on his phone as he shut and locked the door behind him, toeing off his shoes. and then he looked up.

you wish you could have set up a camera or something to catch his reaction, the look on his face was the best part. he dropped his bag, his mouth hanging open, his ears turning a bright red.

"baby, what are you doing on the floor?" he asked, approaching you. his hand came in contact with your face, his thumb stroking lightly across your cheek, tilting your face up to his.

"wanted to surprise you, channie." you said quietly. you had been in this position for a little while, having done nothing but sit in anticipation. your mind racing with the thoughts of what you wanted to do to him when he got home, and what he may do to you after if he wasn't too tired. at this point, you had been thinking about it so long that you were practically dripping, already slipping into subspace and he hadn't even done anything yet.

"well i'm definitely surprised." he cooed. "look at you. my sweet girl."

"want to suck your cock." you told him. "please, can i?"

"oh, honey. how long have you been waiting here like this?" he asked. "the floor is so hard. are your knees okay, baby?"

you nodded, not caring at all about your knees actually. your mouth watering.

he slipped his hoodie over his head and folded it a few times crouching down and sliding it under your knees. "is that better? a little cushion, yeah?" he kissed your forehead softly before standing straight again.

you itched to reach out and unbutton his pants, but you knew better. you had your hands on your legs, palms flat against your thighs. although, you considered risking it, not really minding if this turned into a punishment.

"now what did you say you wanted, baby?" he asked, smirking.

"i want you in my mouth." you replied.

"wow baby knows exactly what she wants." he said. "i'm so proud of you."

your cunt grew wetter with the praise. he was right, usually it took you a little while to get to the point where you could tell him what you wanted. usually you were a stuttering mess to start out, but this had been building all day and you were ready.

"i've been waiting." you tell him. "please?" you look up at him, his pants button was level with your face, his torso covered in a black fendi tank top (yk exactly which one im talking about), his hair falling in his eyes.

"go ahead, princess." he said. and now with his permission, you reached out and palmed him through his pants. he hummed, a deep, approving sound. you ran your fingertips up his body, playing with the hem of his tank top, sliding the tips of your fingers under the fabric. your touch grazed his bare skin, small hairs ticking the pads of your fingers.

"can you take this off too, channie?" you asked, your voice dripping sweet.

"i don't know, baby. i only took the hoodie off to cushion your little knees." he teased.

"my knees still hurt." you lied, giving him your best puppy dog eyes. "i need more cushion."

"oh you do?" he feigned worry. " well in that case, maybe we should just go to bed. maybe the floor isn't a good place for you." he took a step back, moving to help you off of the floor.

"no!" you begged. you grabbed him by his belt loops and pulled him closer. "no, my knees are fine."

he chuckled. "are you sure baby? you said you needed more cushion. why would you say that if your knees were fine?"

oh he's in a mood tonight. he's in true christopher form.

"i just wanted to see your body." you admitted.

"oooooh." he said. "so you lied." he made a tsk tsk sound. "that's bad behavior, little one. you know i don't reward bad behavior."

he has you right where he wants you, a drippy mess on the floor, tears pricking your eyes in frustration. "please, channie. i'm sorry." you looked up at him, hands still gripping his pants, your bottom lip quivering. "i was being greedy. i wanted to see your body. i'm sorry i lied. i wont do it again."

leaning down slightly, he cradled your face in the palms of his hands. "oh, baby. you're so precious." he kissed the top of your head. "i forgive you, honey. go ahead." he straightened, towering over you once again, and slipped his tank top over his head. he tossed it to the side, like it wasn't more expensive than your entire wardrobe.

your eyes raked over the bare expanse of his skin, your mouth watering at the sight. the highs and lows of his muscles, how they flexed as he breathed. you leaned forward and pressed an open mouth kiss just to the right of his belly button. you continued kissing down until you reached the top of his pants. you tugged them down, continuing your trail of kisses. his pants pooled around his ankles, and he carelessly kicked them to the side. now he was standing there in nothing but (of course) his fendi underwear. you palmed his bulge. you leaned in and licked him from bottom to top, over his underwear.

"don't be a tease, baby." he said, his voice already breathy.

you hooked your fingers over the elastic and pulled down, his cock springing free. you wrapped your hand around him, he was hard and hot. you ran your hand up and down, slowly pumping, appreciating the size and feel of him. you loved this man for everything that he was, but his cock was definitely one of your favorite things about him. it was perfect. just the right size, and you loved the feeling of his soft velvety skin, the feeling of the large vein that ran along the underside.

you gently licked the tip, tasting the precum there. he let out a sigh. you looked up at him the best you could as you licked him from the base of his balls, all the way to his tip. his head fell back as you wrapped your mouth around him, finally. you slowly took as much of him as you could, until he was touching the back of your throat. but he had you trained well, you gagged around him but didn't pull away. you tried to take more and more until your nose was brushing the skin of his stomach. his hands found your hair, his fingertips against your scalp as he held you there. you continued to periodically gag around him until you had to pull away, coughing. a trail of spit connected your mouth and his tip, you collected it with your hand and used it to coat his length.

his hand still gripping your hair, he led you back to him. his tip pushed past your lips, and he slowly pumped himself in and out, using you just the way you liked it. "fuck" he exhaled. you moaned around him, enthusiastic at finally getting what you've been waiting all day for. "that's it baby. you're doing so good."

one of your hands was against his thigh, just in case you needed to tap out (though you never have before), and your other hand was traveling from your nipple down your body until your fingertips brushed your clit. it was puffy and in desperate need of attention. as you rubbed slow circles, chan shoved himself as far as he could down your throat and held you there, loving the feeling of you gagging around him. he was moaning and grunting and your fingers moved faster and faster across your slick, getting the most pleasure out of knowing he was pleased.

your hand that was on his thigh, slowly moved up, fingertips coasting over his muscled abdomen. you pressed your palm against them, feeling them flex under your touch as he fucked your face. you knew he was close, his voice growing in pitch and starting to whine.

"fuck, princess." he sounded desperate. you loved it when he sounded like that. loved how he started out so dominant but you were the one who could bring him to this point. the point where he was whiny, and needy, and no longer teasing. "i'm-- i'm gonna cum."

your own high was approaching, his sounds and words pushing you over the edge. you had been waiting all day for this, the pressure building up over hours, so finally when you did find release, it was a lot. you moaned around him, your pussy spasming and squirting your release onto the hard floor and his poor hoodie. he soon found his own high, releasing into your mouth. he pulled out slowly, and you showed him your tongue, covered in his cum. he panted above you, taking in the sight. you were a mess, your hair tangled, your legs wet and shaking, you cheeks flushed. he thought you had never looked more beautiful. he knelt down with you, his knees now in your cum as well.

"you made such a mess, honey." he said softly. you nodded, your tongue still hanging out of your mouth. he leaned in and kissed you, tasting himself. he kissed you slowly, sweetly, passing his release back and forth between the two of you until it was all swallowed and gone. he pressed his forehead against yours, his palm against your chest, feeling your heartbeat. "i love you." he whispered.

"i love you, more." you whispered back.

he leaned back on his heels, still trying to catch his breath. you loved this look on him. flushed, sweaty, post orgasm, his muscles tight. just looking at him, you felt ready for round two. but you were both way too tired for that.

"lets get you cleaned up." he said, kissing your forehead before standing up and helping you off the floor.

"sorry about your hoodie, channie." you told him, looking down at the drenched pile of fabric.

"don't you worry about that, baby. nothing the wash can't fix." he smiled. "now off to the bath with you." he laughed, spanking you playfully.

🚨reminder: this blog is 18+ only. i’ve been getting a lot of new followers (which i greatly appreciate) but if there’s no age identifier on your blog, i’m blocking you no questions asked. (for my own sanity and peace of mind.) ik some people don’t actually go to my page to read the warnings, so im going to start attaching a warning at the bottom of all my posts. thanks for understanding. 💕

[dontbesoweirdkira]

If you don't mind can I request any yandere you want and see reader in a wedding dress they thought reader was planning a marriage turn out she just like the dress

A/N: BAHAHAHAA this is so funny. Yes of course, im *assuming* you are referring to the MK guys? Just send in another request if not😭😭

Characters: MK1 Johnny Cage, MK11 Kung Lao and MK11 Erron Black as a wild card lol.

Warnings: buffoonery and Johnny Carlton 😖

Requests: always open 24/7

Masterlist

Johnny ca(needs to be arrested asap)ge

Oh boy…why did you have to get this man started?? I'm going to assume you just thrifted a pretty white dress, not realizing it was a wedding dress in the impulsivity of the buy.

When you got back home to try it on, it unexpectedly fit like a glove. Accentuating every nice thing about your body. The lace and embroidered rhinestones made everything just 100 times better. A gorgeous glam dress that you’re sure Johnny would love just as much as you do.

Excited, you waited by the front door for his arrival to show off your new purchase.

Immediately he froze at the doorstep, the sight of you in this little git up took him aback.

You stuck a cute pose and did a full body spin to show him every detail, egarly asking him what he thought.

“Ta-Daaaaa! So, what do ya think? I picked it out at the charity shop down the street. I figured it’d be perfect for a special occasion..”

Girl you are so damn foolish😩 that man is going feral now

Johnny had been playing his obsession very cool this entire time. Only maybe slipping up once but now…???

That “special occasion” is obviously the day you’ll become his wife. What day is more special than that?! He’s so happy that you initiated this first. He’s been wanting to make you his forever since he’s met you and obviously you feel the same way too.

See, you’re perfect for each other! He knew you were the one. Only a bit sad he didn’t realize your feelings sooner or else he would’ve taken you to Vegas months ago.

“When I gave you my credit card to get something nice I didn’t expect for you to buy a wedding dress. I’m not complaining tho~ it was only a matter of time until it happened.”

….what?

You had looked back down at your dress and realized that it did look oddly similar to one…but that was just a coincidence.

You explained to him that no, it wasn’t supposed to be a wedding dress. You had picked it up because of the detailing, you figured it’d be perfect for the next red carpet.

Ohhhhh he sees what you’re doing here. You’re playing dumb, this was only a hint that you wanted him to claim you. He’ll promptly propose. It’s the traditional way of doing things. ;)

You reiterated again, more seriously this time that this was only a dress for his red carpet. Honestly more of an impulse buy if anything. You hadn’t realized what the dress actually was. It was far too soon to get married and you wasn’t even certain if Johnny was who you wanted to be with in the long run.

His vision of you walking down the isle in that snatched, sexy little dress was shattered… for a mere moment he became overwhelmed with sadness. Wha— what do you mean that you’re not sure you want to marry him? Who else would you marry in place of him? You’ve been planning to leave him, haven’t you?..

Quickly that sorrow turned to anger and a side of Johnny you’ve never seen came out to bite.

His eyes were narrow and sinister as he peered down at you, over his expensive sunglasses. His voice was low yet venomously brash.

“Sweetheart—“

“You don’t get to play silly little games like this and get my hopes up for nothing. We’re getting married, there’s no other option better than me. And if you think for a second that you’re going to leave me—heh—-I’ll make your life agonizing.”

Oh..

It wasn’t long after, that he held you down and shoved a ring on your finger…ahem romantically proposed and you were eloped with an insane contractual agreement.

Poor thing…use critical judgment next time you’re out shopping.

Kung lao

You were out at the markets getting some groceries and household items. Normally Kung Lao would accompany you, but after much negotiation, he decided to let you go out alone. He was well familiar with the shopkeepers and locals so there wasn’t much to worry about. And he didn’t fear you being hit on there as everyone in the town knew who you belonged to. Any man who was stupid enough to talk to you was a man who was certainly going to die.

Of course like any woman, after your necessities were brought, you decided to do a bit of window shopping of vendors that were in the area.

Nothing new or interesting caught your attention until an older woman pulled you into her store to show you her selection of dresses. They were all so gorgeously designed and hand crafted, they must’ve taken ages to make.

“I have something very special for you. I think this will make that man of yours very pleased.”

After searching through a few boxes, she found the one she was looking for and displayed it for you. The dress was a striking red with gold embellishments and pleats that were colorfully embroidered.

It was so well done that it almost appeared painted on. It’d kill you to have that dress, even trying it on would be a dream in itself. But sadly, you knew that anything at this level had to be exorbitant in price. There’s no way that you could afford, let alone justify paying for it.

Thanking the shop keeper and complimenting the dress, you shook your head and declined. Explaining to her that this purchase would make you struggle for a couple of months.

The old lady wouldn’t take no for an answer and pushed the box towards you.

“My dear, this one was made for you. I must let you have it, don’t worry about payment. Just make sure I get to see you in it.”

Shocked, you asked a couple of times if she was serious and she was very adamant about you taking it home with you. She winked at you and sent you on your way.

Excited, you rushed home and into your room. Entirely running past your boyfriend in the process to hurried try the dress on.

It was exactly your size. It was almost as if if was made exactly to your measurements. You spun around in the mirror a million times so happy to be able to own something so luxurious.

“Y/N? What’s going on in there?? Are you okay? You didn’t even greet me when you came in.”

Opening the bedroom door you surprised him with the dress.

“Can you believe it, Kung Lao? Some lady at the market gifted this to me. She said it was made for me and insisted that I take it home.”

Yeah…ummm

That “random” lady wasn’t so random. He’d been planning this moment for over a year. He took out half of his savings to purchase it and have it custom built for you. All of your favorite colors and style preferences were put into this. He told the lady that whenever she was finished with it, to give it to you the next time that she sees you.

It was a surprise seeing you in the dress though. He knew you’d look beautiful but not this damn good. All of the details brought out the best in yourself. It wasn’t form fitting as it was a traditional xiuhuefu but it still such a perfect fit on you. He was proud that did exceptionally well in designing this for you.

Acting dumb, he asked many questions like who the lady was and was you sure it was truly for free. So manipulative…

“I guess this is a sign of fate…that we are destined to be married soon.”

Ummmm….what?

You laughed and explained how it was just a traditional dress that you plan to wear at a festival or something. What was he talking about marriage? It’s just a pretty dress right??….right?

Girl—-

He explained that no, it was actually a traditional dress only worn by brides. —And that since you was not only “gifted” it, but that it fit you well must mean that you’re ready to be his bride.

“Oh…no…I had no idea, Lao. I just like the dress, I don’t wanna be married to you.”

Let me take a sip of my drink😪

Immediately his face scrunched up in anger and he backed you into the wall.

“You don’t wanna be married to me?! Don’t you know how much money I spent on this dress? Do you know how many hours that poor old lady spent on this, customizing everything for you? I even tried to make the experience receiving the dress special. And you don’t want to marry me?”

He harshly grabbed your chin and pulled your face closer to his

“You don’t get a choice in this, my precious flower. Any other girl would kill to even be noticed by the great Kung Lao..don’t be such a fool and make this difficult.”

Yeah..we’ll at least your wedding was absolutely massive and filled with tons of yummy foods.

Erron Black

(Yes I know Erron’s mom was crappy but for plot purposes please let’s pretend he lovvveeeed her okay.)

Erron had left you back at home while he took care of some business and agreed to let you go through the attic. It was very very old and cluttered and he couldn’t care less about what you did with most of the stuff. He hasn’t seen most of it since he was a much younger fella anyways.

He told you there might be a few old clothes that were his mothers and sisters and you were free to take anything you’d like. You're about their size anyhow and he’d rather them on you than to be rotting in a box any longer.

You made your way through tons of old nicnacks and relics, it took a few hours of searching to find any of his old childhood things since they were in the faaaar back.

Eventually you found a hefty box that read women’s name on it and brought it back downstairs.

Hats, blouses, skirts and accessories were all in there. Not much that you’d wear since they were all a little dated and too mature for you—but there was one thing that caught your eyes. Something wrapped in dainty floral wrapping paper and tied with a pretty bow.

……Erron did give you permission to open whatever you’d like so I’m sure this wouldn’t hurt him.

Upon carefully unwrapping the delicately wrapped piece, the most gorgeous vintage wedding dress was revealed. Yes it was rather dated like most of the clothes with big puffy sleeves and a high neckline for modesty. Kind of gaudy as well but still an eye catching design nonetheless.

You held it up to your body and it looked like it'd be a perfect fit. This isn’t too surprising, but it fit you rather well. You looked straight out of the 19th century but it was cute, you put your hair up really nice and added some of the accessories from the box to complete the look.

You strutted around the house and pretended to be some snobby rich woman on her wedding day.

“Why yes. The orderves were made by Frederic, the renowned chef and the silk table cloths were imported from across the seas….hohoho.”

In the middle of your play time, Erron walked in and saw you in the dress. He paused and observed you up and down. It seemed as though he was a bit upset by the sight of you.

Maybe it was the wrong choice to put on this dress of all things. This was probably the one thing that was unspokenly off limits.

You quickly try to deescalate the situation and explain yourself. That you just thought the dress was pretty and you wanted to fool around in it. That you didn’t think much of it or that he’d be home so soon.

“I’m not mad, y/n. For a second I got a glimpse of my ma again. This dress is perfect on you.”

You twirled around in place and asked him if he truly thought so.

“I’m as honest as I’d ever be right now. What do you say we go down to the chapel right now?”

Thinking he wasn’t being serious, you laughed and began to take the dress off

“You’re not the marrying type, Erron.”

His demeanor turned from a sentimental bliss to a pissed off cowboy in seconds.

What did you mean he’s not the marrying type? He ain’t no saint but he’s been good to you and planned on being so for a long while.

“What did you mean by that, darlin?”

He stared straight and menacingly at you with his drawing hand on his holster. Your next words better be catious.

“N-nothing. Just figured you weren’t into the marriage thing because neither am I. That’s all.”

That’s all? You think you can just wear his deceased mothers wedding gown without any plans of commitment.

He suddenly pulled out his pistol out of his holster causing you to flinch. He didn’t point it at you but he inspected it before putting in a cartridge that was stored on his other hip.

“Dear, I know I ain’t no romantic but if you think for a second I’d let you walk out of this relationship alive…you must be one dumb broad.”

A chilling smile plastered his face as he pointed it towards you

“So what do ya say? You going to come down to the chapel with me or go have tea with the queen in purgatory? …your choice.”

Of course you had to say yes. That proposal was so…romantic? Hey, at least the priest down at the old chapel prayed over your soul and gave you a cross if you so ever shall need it dealing with a devil like him.

[the-record]

COWBOYS LIKE YOU

SYNOPSIS: you should stop letting her through that door

PAIRING: cowboy!abby x reader

WARNINGS: a touch of homophobia

A/N: this isnt great, and makes me sad, but i like it!! trying to be a little less dialogue focused

my masterlist

“do you have to go?” your voice is soft as abby lets the question linger in the air. “i hate it when you leave. its lonely.”

her fingers slide carefully up and down your arm and she sighs. “im sorry angel.” abby wraps her arms around you and pulls tight, trying to get you as close as possible. “you know it ain’t safe for us out there though.”

you knew she was right, seen first hand just what people think about sappho and her friends. felt the rage and anger that came when two women who just loved each other.

these nights with her were nice. the sun still going down and the heat with it. crickets started their song and birds finishing theirs. you had pulled the sheets up halfway when it cooled, the sweat on yalls skin disappearing with the breeze.

abbys nails were kept short always, but theyd begin to grow out and were gently scratching at your skin. her hair had finally grown out again and you twisted it around your fingers.

when you’d found her that night, you had to bring her back. clean up her hair, her wounds, her clothes. you couldnt leave a sweet thing like her out in the cold to die. or the boy that was with her. you never did see him again, but it meant more time just you and her.

“i can stay one more day. but then i ought to get back on.” she pressed a sweet kiss to your forehead. “you get some rest now, let me make us somethin’ warm and good for dinner.” you whine as she untangles herself from you, but only laughs before leaving the room.

you don’t remember when you nodded off, but you do remember waking up to something smelling good. she stumbled in with a tray full of plates and cups. she smiled when she saw you sit up.

“well good mornin’ sunshine.” you rolled your eyes as abby settled in beside you. “now, no more of that attitude, not when i made you somethin’ nice.”

you scoffed, crossing your arms over your chest. “now i know good and well that you, abby anderson, are not talking.” she returned the eye roll, albeit not very well. “now what is on my menu tonight mrs anderson?”

abby always left without warning, but it didn’t make it hurt any less. but you always managed to make a move on from her, prepared with the fact that she may never be back for you.

you tended to the farm, your cows. made breakfast and dinner each and every day, sweet tea and lemonade for the hot afternoons. you did afternoon tea in the ladies parlor on saturdays and church on sundays. you kept on the way you always did, never missing a beat.

until a fateful cool evening when someone came knocking on your screen, scaring you half to death as you stirred beside the stove. you sighed as you made your way to the door, wiping your hands on the apron you had on.

you nearly tripped over your own feet seeing abby at your door. took everything in you not to rush and pull her in.

she was different than when you last saw her. new clothes, hair in a loose braid, cuts and blood all over. but you didn’t yet even open the door, she had much to say first.

“before i even start, know how sorry i am. know i didnt mean for it to be this long.” she winced as she leaned on her other leg. “i wanted to come, truly i did, but ive been running all over hell’s half acre. i had business.”

you huffed, pulling the door open and taking her with you to the kitchen. “im so sorry angel, please talk to me.” you sat her down on a stool before heading back to your dinner. “what do i need to do to make it all better?”

she quieted down when you didnt respond, watching you cook. she always loved watching you do household things. made her feel right at home again.

she smiled when you sat her bowl down infront of her, stopping and staring with a frown. she wanted to tell you how pretty you were but held off, you scared her quiet a bit. her hands moved to your hips but you slapped them away and grabbed the wet rag she hadnt noticed.

“eat your damn food.” she slowly spooned the meal into her mouth as you wiped at the old cuts on her face. she winced and pulled away but you pulled back. “stop movin’ when im tryna fix you up.” she nodded as softly as possible.

when you finished, you took the rag and half finished plate with you, pulling the fork from abbys mouth. “go wash up, you will not be dirty in my house.” she nodded, though you weren’t looking, and left to the bathroom.

the plate sat on the counter as you heard her harsh steps up your stairs. you held your head in your hands and took a shaky breath.

you didnt expect her to come back. figured it was final this time. and you certainly didnt expect her at your door like that. you had to pull it together though, couldnt let her see you like this.

you washed up and wiped the kitched till it was spotless before heading upstairs to abby. she was still sitting tending to her wounds when you found her. “you’re doing it wrong.” she dropped what she was doing and slouched. “let me.”

you were gentle with your touch, knowing it was always what she needed. she lived such a hard life that sometimes she needed a gentle touch, some loving. “what in the god damn world did you get yourself into this time?” abby sniffed and you looked up for the first time.

“i hate going out there. i dont wanna anymore.” you hushed her, pulled her close. “can i stay?”

“you can do whatever you want.” you kissed her face, running your fingers through her hair. “im here no matter what you decide.” she nodded and squeezed your hand. “now let me fix up these stitches. you have no idea what your doing. bless your heart.” she laughed softly and you copied. “seriously though, sit still for me.”

“im sorry i always leave.”

it was a quiet night. crickets too tired to so much as hum, and the cow sleeping to forget the chill of the dark. the house had a chill but you and abby huddled to ignore it. it was peaceful. you missed this peace.

you hummed in response, leaning on her chest to see her face. “so don’t.” but she said nothing. did nothing. “abby…”

she shook her head. “im sorry.”

[just-some-random-blogger]

I LOVE TEN AND ONE SO MUCH YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 i know you said that you’re not yet in soft!daemon feels but what if reader already got pregnant and seeing her pregnant makes daemon so feral & just want to breed her so much…………

Mine

Daemon Targaryen x Reader

Summary: After trying to get pregnant for months, you fell into a state where all you could do is cry. It left Daemon erratic and so easily triggered. To clear both your minds, he thinks a ride on dragon back would help, but it seems even Caraxes is not in a good mood.

Word Count: 3k+

Warnings: Mentions of failed pregnancies/miscarriage, wife!reader, depressive episodes, smut (sad fucking, rough fucking, vaginal penetration, hair pulling, impregnation kink, claiming kink, cock warming ig), angst, fluff, typos, etc.

A/N: CONGRATULATIONS FOR ACTUALLY CONVINCING ME TO MAKE A P2 OF SOMETHING. a word of caution though, it's probably not exactly what you expect. btw if you're new here, this is technically a part two to Ten & One, but you don't have to read it to get this. It will help you get in the feels more probably, but you don't need to read it to understand. I'd appreciate it if you did read it though LEAVE COMMENTS AND REBLOGS I HELD BACK ON THE PRAISE KINK BUT I ASSURE YOU MINE IS VERY REAL ISTG IM GOING TO GO FERAL IF NO ONE REPLIES TO THIS

"Our home was once so warm," one of the head servants sigh to the two younger servants, "and not because of how Caraxes sometimes has fits, but because the lady of our house warmed it so," she shakes her head, "now she has done nothing but cry and my heart hurts for Lady Targaryen."

"I do hope she finds comfort soon," one younger servant adds with a frown, "my cousin said that her late lady eventually fell ill after grieving so long that she succumbed to her illness."

There was no ill-intent in their words, and yet he could not stand hearing it.

The sharp sound of a sword unsheathing promptly halts the servants.

Daemon is in front of them, coming out of the chamber they were meant to enter. He points Dark Sister at them, jaw clenching tightly at the words he heard them speak.

The three look to their master in fear as he takes a few steps closer to them, "I will not tolerate any word from any tongue about my wife."

Daemon watches them quiver under the gaze of his sword. Had he not been attentive of his wife, he would have killed them out of annoyance. Yet he doesn't, "do your task and leave at once."

The head servant nods and the servants scurry off into the room.

I was lying in bed, chest down, when I heard the telltale sound of footsteps. I peel my teary eyes open and mutter against the cushion, "Mileva?"

My childhood handmaiden turns to me and frowns, "yes, milady, I'm here. I have come to serve you your food."

My eyes begin to water again as I watch her set the food out on the table.

On theme with my other thoughts, I recall how she took care of me as a child, and then how she excitedly told me she was eager to do the same for my children. Her hair was now grey and yet I still had not even one child.

"Mileva," I whine, lips quivering as I reach my hand out to her for comfort.

Daemon walks back in, face hard and tense.

Mileva turns to me and sighs, "oh, sweet child." She walks over to me, taking my hand, kneeling by the side of my bed, "cease your sorrow. You will fall with child soon enough."

"But it's been a year since I've been wed," I sob, pulling her hand towards me, "what if something's wrong with me?"

"N-" "There's nothing wrong with you," Daemon quips before Mileva could speak the same words, albeit with more softness.

Mileva turns to Daemon who stood by the door, as if guarding it, then back to me, pressing a kiss on my knuckles, "my lady, take heart and regain your strength. I know you are going through a difficult season, but soon you will have what you so desire," she brushes my tears away with her calloused hands, "it is not uncommon to experience what you're going through. I myself grieved the same things you do when I first fell with child."

"Oh, Mileva," I weep helplessly, moving to sit up, "I had no idea, and I-"

"Enough, my girl," she hushes, grabbing both of my arms in her hands, "now please, do us all a favor and eat. I would never forgive myself if I allow you to lose yourself completely."

Daemon watches as I move to the table near our bed. Once I sit down, my husband speaks, "you may go now."

In exchange of the company of our servants, Daemon comes upon me, placing a hand on my shoulder as I dumbly look at the food I once loved.

"Your dear Mileva is right, you must regain your strength," he mutters, walking behind me, massaging both my shoulders.

"I feel I will be sick if I so much bring a spoon to my mouth."

He stills his actions then the drags the other chair close to me with a screech. "Shall you prefer I feed you then?" he asks, sitting next to me.

Daemon does nothing but look at me as I gaze off into the abyss that was a plate of food before me.

"I don't think I will ever find peace, Daemon," I mutter, mostly I think to myself, "I was with child," I start to feel tears burn in my eyes, "then I was not."

He brushes his fingers on my cheek, "The gods are to blame, not you."

I finally turn to my husband, chest heaving as salt water runs down my face uncontrollably. He frowns as he sighs, hand taking mine in comfort. I choke on more tears and fall to his side, unable to withhold the helpless yelps in my throat.

Daemon wastes no time in readjusting in his seat, expertly unclasping the holster on his waist, allowing his weapon to clatter to the ground. He then in one scoop brings me onto his lap, allowing me to nuzzle on his neck and pour my sadness onto his skin. His arms envelope around me, behind my back and over my thighs.

I bring my hands up to his cheeks, attempting to even out my breathing as I take in his familiar scent.

Once I finally felt like I wasn't suffocating, I begin to fiddle with Daemon's silver hair.

He leans against my touch. I pepper kisses on his cheeks.

For a moment, he is satisfied with this, but then decides to meet my lips with his own. His hands begin to tighten around me.

I release as sigh, pulling my hands away so I can readjust his grip o me and maneuver my legs over him. He makes no fuss when I straddle him, in fact his arms fiddle with the nightgown I did not bother to change out of from the night before.

My fingers travel to his tunic, and I begin to undo the its clasps. When my hand finally rubs the bare skin underneath his clothing, that's when he halts and pushes me off him to stop our kiss. He is finally certain of my actions.

I look at him. His eyes are closed and yet I could see his resolve dwindling. I place a peck on his lip as I grind down on him.

He groans, legs spreading beneath me. For a moment, he allows me to continue, but then his hands grab on my waist at an attempt to stop me.

I halt at just as he wants, but feel betrayal rise up my throat as I speak, "will you not even have me now, husband?"

Daemon releases a prolonged sigh, leaning his head back on the chair, lightly scratching my sides with his fingers, "with all my strength, I am not strong enough to even think of doing that."

I continue to buck my hips on him again.

His grip tightens but not in an attempt to withhold me.

"Then do not kid yourself by resisting me."

Daemon's eyes finally open with a grunt. The dizziness in his mind clears when he sees my face. He knits his brows and wipes my tears away, "my love."

I blink rapidly as I whine, "have me, Daemon, and end this mourning."

He calls my name, stilling me again with his hands.

This time, I bang on his chest in anger for trying to stop me, but then all at once, I crumble against him in a fit of tears.

Daemon kisses my cheek as he tightly pulls me against him.

We remain like this for a long while.

After being calmed by the sound of his breathing, I finally have the strength to cease my weeping. "I do want you, Daemon," I mutter against his cheek.

"I always want you, my queen," he replies, rubbing my back, "but I do not wish to take advantage of your sorrow."

I move against him again. He loosens his arms around me as I turn to him with glassy eyes, "then have me for no other reason than my own desire to have you, Daemon."

He is about to say something, but my hand on his hardened member takes the words out of his mouth. I palm his through his pants, "will you require me to beg for it on my knees?"

I pull away, hands snaking behind his nape, "I will be most eager to do so," I whisper, hips rolling atop his, "anything to take my mind off this, Daemon."

"Fuck," he hisses, hands tightening around me yet again.

This time, Daemon carries me to our bed and pushes me open underneath him. He hungrily kisses my neck and begins to rub his clothed member against my burning core.

"Take your clothes off," I whimper, urging his tunic and pants off.

In an instant, not only is he naked, but as am I.

Our lips take each other's desperately, and a satisfied moan fights between our kiss when I feel him enter me slowly. My limbs latch around him out of instinct and my fingers dig into the small of his back, urging him to move.

He whispers my name in my ear. He does so with much care that my heart quickens at it.

"I will try my best to be gentle, my love."

I whine at his sentiment, but I nibble his ear in response, "fuck gentle. Ruin me, Daemon. I don't want to walk around any time soon anyway."

Daemon begins to rut his hips into mine upon hearing this. He moves slowly at first, as if to measure the truth in my words. He then enters me at a quicker pace, exhaling deeply against my skin.

I whine his name out, "Daemon please, please, please, fuck me."

He heaves against me, "say that again."

I claw at him and whimper, "please, fuck me so hard I can't walk, Daemon." I match the movement of his hips, "make sure I have no choice but to stay in bed."

That's all it takes for him to thrust into me like a man gone mad.

The sound of skin slapping each other almost makes me unable to hear my cries.

He enjoys breaking my legs open and hammering into my heat. He enjoys it so much that he remains in this position for a while, savoring the feeling. He soon decides to move his hands up my legs and push my knees to my chest. Daemon lifts himself a bit, so he could hook my ankles by his shoulders. The more compromising position makes me stretch my hands above me and grip at the pillows for dear life.

I cry so hard that I don't hear anything else. I'm sure even if there weren't anyone near our chambers, my screams would still be heard.

"Do you like it when I take you like this, wife?" he asks, or challenges almost.

I'm too fucked up to reply and only the in sync rising and falling of my voice to his relentless slamming was what he got out of me.

He finds a more secure stance on his knees, and he latches his fingers under my knees as he drives into me like it was what was going to keep him alive.

His breathing is unbelievably controlled in comparison to my raggedy hitches.

As Daemon looks before him, his hands reach out to my core then to my belly. His mind floods with obscene images of previous couplings. He groans at the ideas flooding his head. He rubs my belly, "you will look so glorious filled up with my seed."

I whine as his hands grab my breasts.

"Maybe I should fill up all your pretty holes, hmm?" he pants, "but maybe then your body wouldn't know what to do with my seed anymore."

I release a string of curses as my hands shoot up to grip his biceps. My back arches to better feel him and mentally thank myself for it, screaming ecstasy when he knocks on me just right. He chuckles in satisfaction, "so fucking eager, my love."

In a twist of fate, he pulls out of me.

I'm too delirious to even realize it or manage to complain. All at once I'm being flipped onto my knees. I do however know exactly when he pulls on my hips and slams into me with dare I say more intent. I don't even manage to push myself on my arms as I am utterly boneless against him.

"Daemon."

His response to the sound of his name was to rub my sensitive nub with his keen fingers. His other hand yanks on the roots of my hair, "who does your cunt belong to?"

I growl, one hand coming to his that was pulling my head back. I am even more unable to push myself up. I scream his name.

"Mine," he growls, "mine," he flicks his hips.

He yanks on my hair again, "say it. Who do you belong to?"

"You," I heave, "you, you, you, you-"

"Good," he praises as I loose my mind, "I'll make sure you only ever cry over how good my cock makes you feel," he mutters breathily. And although his words are lewd, there is a certain sincerity to it.

Much like before, because I never really stopped, tears begin to drip from my eyes in a tinge of pleasure, pain, and residual sorrow.

Daemon massages my scalp with his fingers as his thrusts reach a quick and steady pace. I can almost feel him hit inner most parts of my mind and taste him on my tongue.

My head helplessly crumbles onto the cushions when he releases me so he can piston inside me at a better angle. My screams are finally muffled.

My husband seems not to appreciate it as he yanks my hair back and forces my shouts to me audible again, "let them hear me breed my you, wife, scream out who makes you feel like this."

At this point, I've left my mouth gaping too long that my throat dries up and the sounds of his name that I produce leaves a burning sensation.

I feel my stomach begin to tighten at his ministrations.

"That's right," he encourages, "chase that feeling on my cock," he says, "come around me, darling. Come on."

My hips instinctively buck against him at the sound of his encouragements.

Daemon revels in the repetition of his name. He feels like he is invincible at the praising sounds.

I inevitably quake around him as if it was the surface beneath that forced me to do so. My voice is absolutely wrecked at the cry that leaves my lips.

Daemon rubs my core again, milking my reaction for all he's got.

Once even my knees began to give in, that's when I feel Daemon's heat shoot into so sharply that my body quakes all over again. He fucks into me even after. There is so much of him that I feel him drip out of me with wet squelching sounds.

My womanhood is practically crying at this point.

"I'll do you well, wife," he announces, pace drastically slowing, "I'll fuck you good even if the gods obstruct your womb from carrying my seed."

I repeat his name over and over again.

Daemon finally stops, but he does not exit me. He rubs my butt in a soothing attempt, "let me stay like this for a while, your cunt is leaking."

I shake my head, "no please, turn me over. I want to hold you, Daemon."

He does not dare deny me this.

He quickly uses his strength and expertly has me on my back, barely pulling out as he does so.

He wraps my legs around him snugly as he eventually presses his chest against mine. I seal his torso in my arms. He sighs in content when he finds his face on the crook of my neck. He lazily kisses my skin as his his arms loop around my own body.

"I love you, Daemon," I mutter, fingers lightly grazing his skin.

"I love you," he responds, "I will continue to be a slave to your desires."

"Good," I pipe up blinking away the tears that were left in my eyes, "I don't want you to leave me today. Stay right here, like this."

Daemon kisses my neck, "I wouldn't dare move from where I lie."

A good seven days passed, and I was feeling a lot more myself.

Daemon, in all his paranoia that something would happen to me the moment he's not looking, made sure to either not leave my side, or to bring me everywhere with him. And since he really did leave me in quite a discomfort after our intense fucking, it was only now that he was able to bring me along to accomplish his errands.

In all his smugness, he offered to carry me if I still found it difficult to walk. I, of course, slapped him because of this. It obviously didn't hurt him, because I meant it not too, but he promised me he'd get even for it.

Today, we were apparently going for a ride on dragon back.

"How have you been, boy," Daemon calls in High Valyrian as we made our way to his dragon.

Caraxes whines the way he always does. I smile at the creature, sensing somehow that he had missed his rider. Daemon catches this and squeezes my hand in response.

All at once, Caraxes whines shift into a louder more desperate version, dare I say it was a form of discomfort. The unforeseen reaction makes me nervous, especially when the large creature makes his way towards me.

Daemon feels Caraxes' agitation, but he is more concern about mine, which is why he releases my hand and raises it up to the dragon. He promptly scolds the beast in a long string of High Valyrian I wouldn't have been able to understand even if I wanted to.

Caraxes screeches, seemingly determined to go to me.

I decide to walk back slowly, although I do this out of concern more than fear. Perhaps he wanted his rider all to himself. I agree with my mental thought, since deep down, I knew Caraxes would not turn to me will ill-intent.

One of the keepers, I find, is suddenly ghosting a hand over my arm. I gasp at the unexpected touch and furrow my brows at his words that I do not understand.

Daemon's gaze rips away from his dragon over to the keeper, "what did you say?"

The keeper turns from me to my husband, hand pulling away so he could motion to the restless Caraxes.

Daemon's face contorts at whatever it was that he was told. My concern now drifts from the dragon to his rider, "Daemon? What is it?"

He turns away from me, back to Caraxes, hushing him, "I understand now, boy."

I look at Daemon as he offers me his hand without turning away from his mount. I wordlessly take his hand in mine. Daemon pulls me slowly in front of him, hands going to my sides.

Caraxes stands on his legs upon seeing me, letting out a powerful roar.

I reel back, pressing against my husband's chest, "Daemon, I-"

"It's alright," he mutters against my ear.

Daemon looks up to his dragon then screams some sort of accusation.

Caraxes lands back on his claws, huffing out so deeply that there is a strong gust of air that nearly blows me away. Had it not been for Daemon behind me, perhaps I would have fallen on my ass.

Suddenly, I hear Daemon shudder. His hand travel to my belly. He takes one step forward, moving in front of me and calls my name out in praise before kneeling before me.

I look down at him in concern, almost not noticing how Caraxes brings his snout close to me.

I am distracted by the dragon head that I almost don't hear Daemon say, "you're with child."

My hand darts up to Caraxes and my eyes widen as I turn back down to my husband.

He kisses my skirt, but I shake my head in disbelief, "don't mess with me, Daemon."

Daemon looks up at me then stands. He hushes me as he takes my face in his hands, "Caraxes can sense it," he presses a kiss on my forehead, "the gods have finally bended to my will."

Tears begin to glaze my eyes. "Daemon," I grip his wrist and look up at him, "I'm so happy, but what if-"

"Shhh," he pulls me against him, "I will not have you speak ill of this glorious discovery."

I begin to weep, and it seems Caraxes does not enjoy it for he huffs helplessly upon hearing it.

"I will be here, my love," he mutters, "I will do all I can to make sure nothing harms you or our child."

Caraxes makes a sound that seems to be of agreement.

[anzulvr]

i really like your writing so i was wondering if you could write karma with a s/o who appears to be super soft and shy but is secretly a huge delinquent. like maybe someone insults karma and they just go off on that person with insults till there crying, idk i just thought the idea was silly. take your time and feel free to ignore this request if you’re uncomfy ٩(｡•́‿•̀｡)۶

Karma x sweet (secretly delinquent) Reader!

Thank you for requesting and thank you for liking my writing!! You’re so sweet! This was super fun and sorry this took so so long!! (I have a lot to get to still so to anyone reading im sorry if I haven’t written yours yet!!)

— Your kindness is one of the things Karma likes the most about you, he admires it in a way.

— It’s one of the things the entirety of class E admires about you really.

— It wasn’t often you got into big arguments and fights and no one had really seen you like that, not until today atleast.

You and Nagisa walked past the main campus on your way home together. Even though you were an class A student you and Nagisa hung out frequently, it was something many of your peers looked down at you for; they didn’t understand how you could still be friendly with people after they dropped to end class. They especially didn’t understand how on earth you could be dating Karma Akabane- the end class student with undoubtedly the worst reputation.

Like all relationships, dating Karma didn’t come with only good and you had your issues along the way. What’s surprising though, is most of the issues didn’t even come from Karma himself but from the nosy students of the main campus.

They’d make up lies about how you’re only dating him because you’re scared or gossip about how sad it is to see an A class student so desperate they go for one of the school’s rejects.

You never really say anything not wanting to argue; that was until today.

“Right? [Name] has to be an total idiot to believe that psycho actually likes them.”

“Karma is such a pain, he’s E classes wannabe savior. Can you believe he beat Ren up for messing with some E class girls.”

“That entire class is worthless to society [name] needs to get their boyfriend in check.”

That was enough to drag you off the ledge but before you could confront them Nagisa stopped you

“[Name], who cares what they think lets keep going.”

“Yeah I guess you’re right.”

You were about to drop it until they mentioned you directly “look there’s [name] now with another Eclass low life.”

“Guess the Psycho wasn’t enough for them.”

at this point they’re laughing about it until you walk up to them and they get serious.

20 minutes later you’re all still fighting and everyone is down eachothers throats. Minus Nagisa who is awkwardly looking around as if he were a lost puppy talking back once in a while to back you up.

(I know Nagisas a little crazy too but he’s letting you take this one. He had a long enough day already 😭)

“Hey what’s-” Karma who seemingly appeared out of nowhere is now behind you both and stops mid sentence when he notices you’re arguing with someone.

Before he can finish his sentence one of the girls goes “we’re done keep living your miserable ass life and stay away from us [name].” They both start to leave before anyone else can reply and when Karmas about to say something you stop him

(NOT IN A : this isn’t you😕😕 way LMFAOO JUST IN A “let’s go it’s a waste of time” way)

“Damn.. just as I was about to start recording..”

➤

On you’re way back Karma asks what that was all about.

Nagisa replies for you “[Name] got into a fight over you.”

“Over me?”

“Yeah they were talking crap about you and [Name] got all heated.”

You can practically see the devil horns form on his head

“Really [name]? I didn’t know I had that effect on you! That’s so cute.”

Nagisa shuts up again ambling along wondering what Karmas definition of cute is.

“Oh please, it wasn’t over you! They were being so arrogant it pissed me off.”

“Rightt and it had nothing to do with them talking about you’re precious boyfriend?”

“Precious is the last thing I’d call you.” You say feeling your face heat up

He spends the rest of the way poking fun at you for getting angry on his behalf calling you his “knight in shining armor”.

He thinks it’s cute you’re willing to stand up for him. He’d do the same for you any day.

(<3 sorry for any typos I try to edit before posting but I always miss something haha)

[towerofrabble]

ray time ray time ray time I can finally talk about her now that shes on global and people will understand what im talking about. (spoilers for To The Grinning Valley go read it, it's short)

Ray's childhood is pretty messy. She was born to nomadic hunters in Rim BIlliton who stayed self sufficient, she learnt how to hunt from them but she doesn't really remember much of that time. She doesn't really remember much of her childhood at all. From her file 3. "… I don't think her love for animals comes from her childhood environment. I can tell that those memories are very, very far from mind." The only vivid memory she has of her childhood is the time when lots of her family died, only to be saved by what she describes as a "ray of light". Some time afterwards (maybe when she was still a minor (hehe) ) she became a pitsinker. Not because she especially felt like doing it but (from file 1) "Once, long ago, someone told her that she could make a living as a pitsinker, and she's been doing it ever since." She's generally quite directionless, just going along with what shes been doing, because she doesn't have anything else she wants to do. This is even how her codename "Ray" was decided, a worker couldn't spell her name "Rayella" and so it got shortened to Ray and she went with that ever since. Not to say she isn't fond of her name, but its not really something she chose for herself. There's also the loads of trauma shes living with. As mentioned above a bunch of her family died and that's tied to her one significant childhood memory, but there's also the damage being a pitsinker has done to her. Grinning MIneshaft (vignette 5) is gut wrenching. Ray cares a lot about Sandbeasts, and one dying in her arms just adds even more to her trauma around the mines. Additionally even though she says she's used to, it she's very afraid of the dark and she associates that with the mines. The ways she describes it makes it seem terrifying. Talk 3 "Tales of the supernatural, these tapes said. Didn't really like watching them, but I do feel... Chills, from these? No. It's hot in the dark. The deeper down the pit, the hotter, harder to breathe. Always took yonks for the lift to bring us back up. I'd just stare at the lights in the ceiling, waiting." Promotion 2 "Proactive? Is this about me applying to rescue Infected...? Remember when you had me treat my wounds? So I have my cotton wads, and they're getting covered in bloodstains, and dust, and Originium shards, and sandbeast fur, and it struck me then: the pit's behind me, a million miles behind, and it's like I'm still being stabbed. Do you think I'm... still carrying the fear?" Trust 1 "Ninety-seven, ninety-eight… Oh, first time seeing you at the training grounds. You always train at four in the morning too? That's not it? An op said I scared them target practicing here all night…? But the light went kaput in my accommodation. I wanted to be somewhere lit-up." The last one might seem a innocent but she constantly shows that she doesn't like being in the dark. From file 3 "Do you remember? When were getting ready to shut down the generator and turn off the lights, she looked so reluctant." From vignette 5

Feranmut'

Take heart, little one. Do not be so down. If it truly vexes you, perhaps you will feel better if you closed your eyes and took a little nap?

'Feranmut'

Ah, perhaps not, for closing your eyes means being in the dark, and you have a look about you that says that you fear it... Alright, I admit I'm not used to consoling people. The Feranmut she meets can see it in her. This line from file 1 is incredibly sad too "...perhaps she will be stuck with a pitsinker's mindset for a while yet: isolated, always on high alert, always raising her head to gaze up from the bottom of the shaft at the light from the entrance, not knowing whether she's alive or dead until she's hauled back to the surface and leaves the dark behind her." I really wanna give her a hug,, She also doesn't associate with many people. From file 2 "For quite a while after joining Rhodes Island, nobody paid much attention to Ray. There's no shortage of operators who are very welcoming to newcomers, but neither the movie club, the tea club, nor the culinary club ever sent her an invitation. After all, she's never asked for directions, or even stopped to get her bearings on the landship. This made it very hard for anyone to tell that she was indeed a newcomer, even as she was calmly making her fifth loop on the same route." She doesn't talk to people much and usually just keeps to herself, taking care of her sandbeast, or visits Alanna and Warmy. The one scenario she does speak lots is when animals are the topic of conversation. From file 2 "...and eventually reached a confusion as to whether the fowlbeasts that arrived in two different locations were the same species or not. At that point, Ray—who had never spoken a single word to them—slipped into their conversation as though she had known them their whole life and started asking each of the operators where they were from. Upon learning their hometowns, she would explain which species were typical of each region in easy-to-understand terms." This is the main way she makes friends because its basically the only thing she will talk to people about, even her visits with Warmy are her telling Warmy about animals. She also collects animal almanacs which she reads in her free time. I've ranted about Ray now. I love her. Bye.

[louaylorslut]

i watched it begin again…

story: in which harry and y/n meet at the cinema

warnings: talk of loneliness/sadness, trust issues, little insecurity

just a lil baby fluff (one shot!!)

!not proof read guys im sorry im lazy:((

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

The sadness you’ve been feeling for the last couple of days has been getting overwhelming.

You just finished your exams and you were over the moon to meet up with your friends, since while you were so busy studying, you barely got to see them. What you didn’t take into account however, is that you only have two friends, who are both in relationships AND also have multiple other friends.

So here you are, alone at home crying on your pillow yet again. You really wanted to see the new Inside Out movie, because while you were killing yourself over school, you kinda had no free time to watch films and you missed out on a lot. So you didn’t want to be even more out of the loop. Plus it’s a good reason to leave the house, clear your head a little, and of course meet your friends.

But both your friends had already watched it with their partners and it made you sad. You feel like they never have time for you anymore.

So you just cry, and cry in your bed like a lonely fucking loser you clearly are. Well I mean what can we do? It’s not their fault is it? Let them be happy. Be happy FOR them.

So that’s what you did, you calmed yourself down and sat in your bed and thought about life. You wanted to be free after this exam season, you promised to yourself you’d do things out of your comfort zone, you swore you’d live.

So that’s why you’re standing here, in que for one of the cinema’s of your capital city (that’s right you took the train just for this, to show yourself how adventurous you really are).

You’re a little nervous you gotta admit, but it feels good, you don’t need other people to have fun, even though you’re bit of a team spirit, you’re sure you’ll do fine on your own.

“Hi” is a word you hear but ignore

“Helloo” you hear the same voice now a little melodically, greet someone again, but now coming from closer, so now you turn the sound’s way and you are greeted with a tall guy with long hair and a kind smile, he looks sort of pretty really, but you don’t know, maybe it’s just the fact that you are really hungry for someone’s attention, something that he’s giving you undivided right now.

“Hey?” you reply with a small but kind, charming smile waiting for what he has to say, a little awkwardly, you try and not to sound intimidated but this guy does intimidate you.

He offers you a kind smile and asks something you weren’t prepared for. “You’re waiting for someone?”

You can’t help but be a little thrown by that, I mean why would he ask that? It’s either he’s a fuckboy and just wants to chat you up or this is some kind of new thing the cinema’s doing to make the que go faster, asking the people still in the que if they have a ticket, or it’s a third one and you look so desperate alone that he maybe wants to give you money because he feels sorry for you. Yeah, pretty sure it’s the second one.

“Oh, no” you reply with the same tight and warm smile, shaking your head a little “It’s just me” now that you think about it you’re cursing yourself WHY would you tell him, what if he’s a creep and he’ll follow you home? I mean it’s dark in the cinema you’ll keep an eye on him and you’ll leave early it’s fine. Your best friend said the after credits scene isn’t worth the wait anyway. You’ll be fine just play it cool.

“Oh, I’m sorry I wasn’t trying to pry, I just- I was waiting for someone…” the man infront of you confesses with some emotion in his eye.

You notice his fragility, you don’t really have the mental capacity for a heart to heart right now, but who knows, maybe forgetting about your problems can only be achieved if you’re sorting out someone else’s, plus you like to give advice, so, you’ll help the boy.

“I’m sorry, I’m so- I don’t know why I’m saying this i just didn’t expect it” he starts rambling and you see in his eye, besides the regret of him dumping this on you, the emotion they hold is disbelief? disappointment? a bit of bruised ego perhaps?

Now, you can tell he’s a hot guy, he has this skaterboy-but also rockstar look about him, with his black clothes, tattoos, eyeliner, rings and painted nails, oh and also -how could you forget- his long hair.

“You know what forget it, I’m sorry, I’m sorry for bothering you, I’m gonna leave” he says embarrassed

“Nodon’tleave-“ you blurt out a bit too loud and fast, before you could stop yourself. Mental fucking self palm. He smirks at that.

“I’m sorry I’m sure you don’t want my pity but I feel sorry for you. I relate- I understand I mean. I always end up rambling and oversharing and people almost never react how I’d like them to, and I don’t want to be one of those people. So, please tell me” you smile at him reassuringly while you both move forward in the que.

“Thanks love, umm that’s it though really, I was ‘stood up’ I guess, but I don’t really care I didn’t know her, like at all, but it really hurt my stupid fucking fragile man ego. It’s sounds so dumb I know, I just don’t understand why someone would do something like that?” he shares his feelings

“Wow, that’s a lot” You make a little joke, making it obvious with dramatic face expressions, he seems to get worried for a second, but then he gets it and laughs.

“O-kay, so I think, it obviously took a lot of guts for you to admit to yourself about that bruised ego, however, if you don’t care about her, you didn’t know her then you shouldn’t really care right?” you say and he nods but lets you continue “I understand that this is a sucky feeling, I mean I personally never been stood up,” you say and he moves his lips into a straight line “but I’m sure it sucks, though” you laugh a little “you might have picked the wrong person to pour your heart out to, I actually support women putting narcissistic men in their places” he laughs and tongues at his cheek “WHICH I’m not saying you are, but that’s how it came off, just sayin” he makes a playful smile, like he’s taking on your challenge of teasing “I think you should’ve tried your luck with maybe that girl over there” you say as you point to a brunette sitting alone, melancholy staring into her popcorn. He looks the way your hand is pointing and laughs “Yeah well I’m sorry but I already chose you, so, therefore, I need to complete my challenge, hate to say it” he says jokingly, putting his hands up in surrender as you move up in line

“Oh yeah? Is that a play from the playbook? Like ‘The Sympathy Sex’ was it? “ you joke refrencing How I Met Your Mother.

“Oh yes exactly, that’s it,” He laughs a little “and if I don’t complete my challenge I’ll cry myself to sleep, and you don’t wanna do that to me so you’re stuck with me for tonight” he jokingly pouts “Yeaah wouldn’t even dream of snagging an opportunity like this from you” you joke

“Why were you coming to watch a kid’s movie for a first date anyway?” you ask curiously as you arrive at the ticket check-in stand. “We weren’t” he says and look at him confused, but before you are able to dig further, the girl behind the stand greets you.

“Hello I have a ticket reservation for Y/N Y/L/N” you say with a kind smile “Yes, for Inside Out 2 right?” asks the girl “Yeah, thank you” you say as she gives you the ticket “Here you go, enjoy the film!” She says with a bright smile. “Hi, um I’d also like a ticket to that, if there’s any left” He laughs a little awkwardly “Yeah there is,” she says “where do you wanna sit?” she turn her little screen towards him while he turns to you “Would you like to sit together?” he asks, looking into your eyes “Sure” you crumble under pressure, why would you do that you don’t know, but that’s how you are, you didn’t even think about another answer. It’ll be harder to get away from him now, that’s for sure.

“Seat next to her please” he says “What was your row?” she asks you while you’re thinking and after a couple seconds you react “Oh, row 7 seat 12” you force out “Okay great” she claps her hands and prints and gives the guy his ticket. And this is when you realise you don’t even know his name.

So when you’re walking away you say “Okay 2 things before I forget or someone interrupts again” you says super seriously but he just cracks a lopsided smile. “One. What’s your name?” you look at him fully while walking up to the food-drink stand. “Harry” he replies casually. “Okay Harry, I’d introduce myself but you’ve already heard my name over there, so my second question is something I already forgot- hold on” as you think you arrive at the food stand and since the line isn’t long you’re already at the front.

“Hey I’d like a medium popcorn and a green tea please” you say and before you could even take a breath Harry ducks in “And I’ll have the same” he says “What are you doing?” you whisper confused “What, I can’t do you a nice gesture after you sorted out my problems?” he asks “Did I really though?” you ask in a high voice while sceptically narroving your eyes “Yeah, you did. Really helped me there” he says with a pointed look “You’re not really gonna pay for this, are you?” you ask cautiously “Yes I am” he says firmly “Okay” putting your hand up in surrender “but don’t expect anything in return” you point at him “Yes ma’am” he nods with a cheeky smile, dimples poppin out.

He pays, “Could’ve told me this earlier you know, would’ve bought more stuff.” you joke defeated, after letting him win, but still trying to have the last word “Oh, do you wanna go back and stack up?” He points back from where you’re just walking away from with his eyebrows shooting up and his smile wide and playful “Just go in the damn theatre” you both laugh while you walk in, hand the check-in guy your ticket, he also tells you to enjoy the movie and then you go to your seats.

“Okay, what did I wanna say?” you ask while thinking “Oh yeah” as you remember “If you weren’t gonna come here with the girl, why are you here now, of all places to ease the pain in your sad little heart?” you ask ironically with a playful pout

He cracks an amused smile “Well, I’ve wanted to watch the film for a bit, but none of my mates know about it, I don’t think, didn’t ask I mean,” he smiles awkwardly “but I always see it on Tiktok, even before it came out, and I was walking by the cinema when my shame was taking me home and I saw it was playing so I figured” he shrugs “Well I think that’s great,” you say “didn’t think guys below the age of 13 would wanna see this” you say before you realise how that sounds and your eyebrows shoot up “NOT- I- I’m sorry I didn’t mean that to sound so judgemental,” you panic out in hurry “It’s fine” he says with a reassuring smile “I mean it like, it’s great, that a guy would watch this without shame like-“ god you are just digging yourself deeper “NO I MEAN ahhh god” you take a deep breath while Harry waits for what you have to say with an amused smile, he’s enjoying watching you struggle “What I mean” you start calmly “is that I know it might be like a stigma in society for men not to like this movie cuz emotions and stuff, but I think it’s really cool that you do” you finally finish smiling out, he smiles back “Thank you” you look at each other for like 10 seconds or so

“So” you tear your stares apart awkwardly, he clears his throat “how come you’re here alone, if you didn’t- i mean you said you didn’t get stood up or waiting for anyone I mean” it’s reassuring to see him be nervous and stumble over his words too, doesn’t look like the type. He looks cool and collected.

“Well, I just finished my exams” you start off “Congrats on that” he says “and I can finally watch movies and do stuff, and just generally get out of the house now, but my friends, they’re busy with their relationships, and other stuff, and I sorta, didn’t have anyone to come with” you say with a week smile and then you form your lips into a line

“You’re not in a relationship?” he asks while looking into your eyes, like he actually cares. You widen your eyes, but quickly collect yourself “No” you say sheepishly looking down “I’m sorry I didn’t mean to cross a boundary I just thought maybe you’d come with them you know” he says apologetically “Yeah, no I don’t have anyone” you frown “anyone at all right now cuz you know..my friends, so yeah, been kinda down” he looks at you sadly for a beat “I’m sorry, I couldn’t tell, you don’t really radiate sadness” he says it sympatheticly, you feel like you made things too heavy and weepy so you quickly try to change the subject and lift the mood

“But anyway, let’s not talk about that, we got a movie to watch huh?” you say with a bright smile “Yeah right” he says smiling back, and you start talking about what you expect from the film by the trailer and tiktok you’ve seen until it actually starts.

During the movie you talk a little bit, and even though he doesn’t seem to mind, you kind of hold yourself back because you’re definetely a movie talker, but no one you’d met before had liked that so with that in mind, you keep your thoughts to yourself (no matter how much it hurts, you would’ve done that if you were watching it alone anyway) not wanting to upset him or ruin his film experience.

When it’s over and the lights come on, you guess you probably look ridiculous, you had bawled your eyes out to this movie, it’s insane how much it had made you feel. Harry looks at you and smiles understandingly. Bless his heart, he doesn’t make fun of you for it, probably because he felt the same during too, he just didn’t cry, but he understands.

“Omg I’m so sorry for you to see me in this state, I knew I’d cry I probably should’ve warned you” you say after whiping your tears “Nooo it’s all good, I almost felt like crying too so I get it, you don’t look so bad anyway” he reassures you “Thanks” you smile at each other and then keep walking out of the screening room.

“Hey” you start after a couple of silent minutes, he looks up at you curiously “I’m like thinking, how did you get stood up? You don’t look like the type. You don’t even look like the dating type.” you say a little carefully, not knowing how he’ll react to this. He smirks, but lets his eyebrows shoot up, feigning offense. “Yeah? What ‘type’ do I look like then?” he ask knowingly “Like aa- a one night stand type?” you say quietly. “Oh yeah?” he asks amused “I DON’T MEAN THAT TO OFFEND YOU, I just don’t think you look like the type who likes relationships or someone any girl would reject” oh god. “I mean like you look so tough and like you don’t ask girls out more like they are begging to go out with you, even for one night“ SHUT THE FUCK UP GIRL. He laughs very amused and decides that (no matter how much he’s enjoying this) it’s time to but on end to your misery.

“Sweetheart, you’re doing it again” he says with a warm smile and a kind voice. After you’re torn from your ramble, you have trouble understanding what he means “What” you ask quietly, feeling small “You’re not gonna be able to breath if you keep talking like this” he says and kinda sounds protective, it’s hot wtf “Oh yeah, sorry” you say as you realised what he means “Don’t apologise, I was just worried is all” he jokes “Okay no need to be dramatic here sir” you say now more light-heartedly and he laughs along. “So” you take a breath, much calmer now “would you answer my question?” you ask and he looks at you with fake confusion “And that waaas?” he asks with a playful smile that tells you he knows what he’s doing, so you punch him in the shoulder “Just answer” you say with a pointed look, but still playful.

“Alright so, let’s see, one; am I a fuckboy who doesn’t do dating? If that’s what you were aming for. Yes, sort-of, I’m not a self-claimed fuckboy” they never are “i actually kinda hate that term, it’s cringey, but yeah my friends would probably call me that” he answers “Two; I do get a lot of girls, this one probably got told something that was probably fair, that’s why she did this, did hurt though because as I said I’m not really used to that, that’s what i get for once asking someone out I guess, universe teaching me a lesson or some shit.” you nod along with what he said

“Although, she was rather excited when I asked her out, hopefully she didn’t get kidnapped” he says with a straight face and you look at him in shock for a bit

But then he starts smiling and laughing “I’m just messing with you it’s okay” and then you laugh too. This was nice, you didn’t think it would be.

Sadly you have been standing in the lobby of the cinema for a couple of minutes, so you feel the inevitable but still painful end to this night.

“Well thanks for the food” you say “S no problem” he smiles back “I had fun tonight” he says “Well I’m happy I could take your mind off of the girl” you say offering a warm smile, but Harry’s expression changes to furrowed brows “Don’t talk about her” he says firmly “Oh I’m sorry I didn’t mean to hit a nerve I-“ you immediately backtrack “No, it’s not that it’s just, lets not talk about her anymore she’s not worth it, I had fun with you, you were the one I liked spending time with, I’m gonna be thinking about you for the next week, not someone else.” he says passionately.

“Oh well” you are quite surprised by that “i had fun with you too.” “I mean we did watch a movie so I’m sure that helped you too, but you know-“ he doesn’t get why you can’t understand he liked spending time with you, how you keep blaming it on someone else “Darling, it was because of you not the movie” he smiles looking into your soul. You are a bit flustered, don’t know what to say “I’d really like to see you again, if you don’t mind” he says with a waiting expression “and if you won’t stand me up too” he quickly adds “i fear my poor heart couldn’t handle that” he jokes with you putting his hand on his heart before turning his full attention to waiting for your answer

“Um yeah, I think it’d be great” you smile a little “And I wouldn’t do that, i’d text you at least” you tease a little

“But-“ you start, becoming your trust issued, sensible, non love-sick self again. You hold up a finger pointing at him “you are not just saying this to get me to wanna fuck you!” you warn him with narroved eyes “Because i’ll save you the trouble that won’t happen, so you rather decide now” you say firmly standing your ground

He leans back a little intimidated “No, absolutely not,” he starts all serious and you can’t tell if he’s joking “i swear that’s not my intention at all. I mean I’m sure down the line if that’s what has to happen or I mean, you know I-“ he stumbles like an idiot. Again, it’s nice seeing him flustered too. “Okay Harry,” you start like a knowing mom, “give me your number, and I’ll decide if I wanna text you or not” you smile

“Alright” he’s surprised and flashes an amused smile at your boldness “here it is, Y/N” You type in his number and you’re about to say goodbye when-

“Do you wanna do something else? Get a drink or something?” he asks “No I’m kinda full” you laugh lightly “and I also have to catch my train so, I’m gonna go” you say

“Your train?” He asks “Yeah” you confirm. “I don’t live here, couple cities over actually” you say “Oh” he goes, like he’s really suprised and kinda? disappointed? “Soo, can I walk you to the station?” so you walk, and it’s actually quite nice, talking about yourself, him, your friends, his family, your interests, his major in college, his job. The sun is setting as you’re walking. You arrive at the station and he asks if he should wait for your train with you “No reason to, it’s gonna come in a couple of minutes, I’m fine from here” you smile like you’re ending the conversation “Well, then…bye” he says “Bye” as you smile he goes in for a hug but waits a little to see if you want to, you hug for what feels like a while but it probably was like 15 seconds and then you wave and leave. He turns around too and thinks about you on his way home, and when he gets home, and when he goes to sleep, and when he wakes up because he had just dreamt about you. And you do the same.

Maybe you have some weird thing with the universe after all, maybe your karma does even out.

[chaotic-iguana]

Refuge | chapter three. 

series masterlist | previous chapter | next chapter | general masterlist 

chapter three: damning rebirth

wordcount: 3.8k - my longest work yet lmao summary: what if reader and joel were married before the outbreak? warnings: angst, estrangement, anger, violence, sad, its like centered around finding yourself again, reader and joel are both quite complicated broken ppl im trying to do them justice, not much joel he’ll be in the next chapter i promise.

You didn’t speak to him for weeks after that first afternoon. You’d run out of words to say. You stopped speaking to his brother, too, for keeping you in the dark; ignoring Maria’s justifications, the constant droning of “…he did it to keep you safe, you know? So you wouldn’t leave Jackson’s safety and run after Joel. You could have died. Sarah’s death would have broken you, like it broke him, and you should be thankful that…” 

You tuned her out after a while. It was getting tiring coming up with rude adjectives to describe how wrong she was in your head. There was no fight left in you to even protest, so you just left the room while she was talking. You loved her, but there were days you thought she just enjoyed hearing herself talk. Which she was extremely welcome to do, but with the acknowledgement that you would rather walk into a bloaters' den unarmed than sit through it.

Tommy had lied to you, kept the truth about your family from you, and no matter how many ways he spun it, it wouldn’t change the fact that when your first fucking words to him were asking about Joel and Sarah, he had looked you in the eyes and lied through his goddamn teeth when he said he didn’t know. He could go crying to Maria all he liked. You’d need a while not to recoil with disgust every time you saw him no matter how many times you got told to stop acting like a child. When Tommy realised the extent of your anger, he attempted to remedy it by telling you everything. Sarah getting shot on outbreak day - you still winced when he said it- and Joel’s time in the QZ, with a woman called Tess. You didn’t even know what to make of that. You probably couldn’t unpack your feelings about it if you tried. How he found the girl you’d gotten alarmed by - the job he got, how he took her in, how he lied to her and why she won’t look at him now. 

You didn’t even bother forming opinions about any of it, let alone voice any. Thinking was futile; your thoughts or ideas or opinions or offense wouldn’t change anything, would they? You continued the same monotonous routine you had established for the past year or so since you arrived to Jackson, this time with even fewer occasions of leaving the house for a party or drink. 

The shop and your bedroom became your life, the only people you spoke to were those looking for books. You’d collected them for years in the hope that if the outbreak ever got under control, there would be literature somewhere for humanity to remember what it used to be. Or perhaps a relic, serving as a legacy for a species long gone. Something, just to yell at the world and all those to come after, that you were here, even when you weren’t really. You hadn’t quite been here since the day the world had ended. Since the day you had lost everything. And now, twelve years later, all of it just came crashing back. 

The pain was as if someone had crawled into your flesh, peeled your ribs back, and plucked your heart out.

Sarah had become less of a person and more of a concept to you over time. The intangibility that very literally gave you strength when you lay bruised and beaten, held down and overlooked by snarling strangers. She had been your salvation; your everything. Losing her wasn’t something you had truly came back from the first time around, suppressed guilt and fear and worry gnawing at the back of your mind. The reappearance of all of it, overshadowed this time by crippling guilt, was a cruel albeit welcome one. You wanted to feel bad - because much like Joel, it was what you deserved. You had failed - not only as a mother but as a wife, too. You should have just gone home on time that fucking night, but life got in the way as if often used to back then. All those little things that got blown out of proportion like work and deadlines and projects and careers didn’t even matter now. You should have come home. You should have been there.

You didn’t even want to imagine how Joel felt. To you, the ache was a phantom limb - trailing you wherever you went, interwoven with your shadow. To him, it was a stain on his hands that he never seemed to be able to rub out; he could always see a tinge of crimson coating his fingers, ever since that night.

Neither of you could look the other in the eye anymore. 

Yet, even after all of it life simply went on, stuttering but still relentless in its proceedings. Pink, jagged scars marred the flesh of time as it stretched around the metalwork of the lives you had fought to keep, yet lost the worth of anyways. Fate is seldom kind.

It wasn’t too peculiar, this distance. Ironically, even after all these years, you both understood the other perfectly - as if each thought either of you had, each feeling you felt, was respected and loved and relayed by the refuge of your marriage, still. You understood that he was too ashamed by his self-proclaimed failure to speak to you, and he understood that the loss had so wholly devoured you that you wouldn’t have the strength to look in his eyes and be reminded of hers for a while.

The song and dance continued, the delicate persuasion of ensuring not to jolt the fragile existences the other had created for themselves. Joel didn’t come near your bookshop, and you didn’t go near Tommy, lest the words ‘family dinner’ be spoken into existence. Truly, he was idiot enough to suggest it. As if all that your currently brilliant (more like fractured) relationship with your husband (was he still? what about tess?) needed was a dinner with his brother, his sister in law, and the kid he had apparently adopted, lied to, and was now in a rough spot with. Gotta love reunions, no?

In another life, you would have stepped in. You would have spoken to either of them - perhaps even made more of an effort to include Ellie in your own life to ensure that after all she had been through, she wouldn’t feel alone even when she wasn’t doing well with Joel. In this life, though, you couldn’t bring yourself to care. Joel acted like a selfish, moronic liar, sure. But if this kid couldn’t see, that at his very core, he was just plain scared - that he practically shook in his (adorable) cowboy boots anytime someone mentioned what happened to Ellie - then, great, she deserved Joel not realising that it was her decision to save humanity; to pay the price, to do what it took; entirely independent of him, or anyone else. You tamped down on the cynical part of you sneering at the romantic heroism of it all. The world knew now, better than before, how selfish man was. How utterly human, for Joel to struggle to separate his feelings for his own daughter and the one he had taken in; for Ellie to be too caught up in her own view to even consider what Joel was going through. It was almost like one of those plays you used to enjoy reading - like a Greek tragedy. The hamartia of both heroes was humanity alone.

They’d come around, eventually. Joel and Sarah always did, too. 

The irony lay mostly in the fact that you had spent a decade craving him - his comfort and his warmth. The kneading of his large hands on your back after a long day; the scratch of his stubble when he nuzzled into your neck from behind. The years you didn’t have him were spent with only him in mind; a mindless worship of the love you had. Now that he was within reach; close enough to grasp and curl your fingers around, to sink an burrow into; you were… lost. The desperation; the wild frenzy with which you had remembered only them through the years - to have lost one now leaves you clueless about what to do with the other. The cracks that have made their way into your heart - the ones tainting your soul - you see them reflected in him, too. Your first look into his dark eyes told you that he, too, has done too much to be standing here today; that his first kill, too, had been the man he once was. No wonder you can’t bear to look at each other anymore. The grief - not only of what you have both lost, or what you once had, but the grief of who you both used to be - rears its ugly head in any room you find yourselves in together. Look at me, it screams. Look at what the years have done to me. I can’t recognise myself in mirrors anymore. I don’t see who I used to be. I was so beautiful. I was so good. Look at me. Look at me. Look-

Is this how the angels felt when they fell? You’d never know - there were no angels; there was no God. What divinity would allow for any of this to happen? This joke, this mockery of nature. You never were religious, but fumbled prayers had found their way into your vocabulary every night when you didn’t know where Joel and Sarah were. You - who had never even stepped into a church had prayed.

You must have forgotten there was nobody sitting in the sky to listen.

You had made your peace with the mutual decision to avoid him and the girl - not only because you didn’t even know how to start apologizing to her-but because you were content with the mere knowledge that he was here, that he was alive and breathing.

Tommy’s guilt worked in your favor, ensuring that he didn’t try pairing you and Joel up for patrols - likely fearful of the fallout that might occur (but like, what could even happen? another apocalypse?) but the comedown of that meant that you were paired up with Fred, instead. A man who infuriated you to no end, one who found it extremely interesting that you were once married, that you have a child. Had.

His ceaseless questions made you want to rip your hair out, but you refrained - if only so he wouldn’t have another reason to put his arms around you to try ‘calming’ you like last time. He was a bastard, but you didn’t have it in you to challenge him just yet.

Your answers to his enquiries were grunted or simply monosyllabic, your irritation clear as day in the set of your jaw, the slant of your brow. Nevertheless, like the dumbfuck he was, he persisted. So then how was this your fault?

It had been a decent morning. You’d gotten up early in time for the patrol, taken a shower, drank some water and arrived at the stables. But as you stood outside, you could hear the commotion of people inside - boisterous cheering and laughing as if one would hear in a pub. Interest piqued, you inched your way to the entrance of the barn silently, trying to understand what was going on. 

“…fuckin’ whore’s been leading me on for like half a year, turned out she was married the whole time. Dodged a bullet, though. Nearly lost her shit when he told her that her kid died. Went completely apeshit and ruined my goddamn shirt with her snot- nearly clawed through my arm, too. Feel bad for the poor husband, had to yell at everyone to get out just so he could calm her crazy ass down. Everyone’s lost someone, lady. Get over it, right? Plus, girl that age wouldn’t have done too well at a QZ, know what I mean? Wouldn’t have gone untouched, anyways.” He paused for them all to laugh at the supposed comedic gold in his words - him and his little pack of primitives - and all you could do was stand there, glued to the spot in shock.

The fucking audacity. Leading him on? You fucking tried your best to get him to stop talking to you, stop touching you - and you didn’t claw at his arm because you were crazy, you did it because you were fucking panicking and some idiot was making it worse by caging you in. And that was brushing aside what he said about Sarah. No, that had you seeing red, chest heaving.

Fuck, the old you would have broken his nose on the first day. Never is too late to do the right thing, is it? 

Just like before, a laugh was forming in your chest. A giggle at first, before you were chuckling, clapping a hand to your mouth and horrified with your own humour. The joke here was priceless, though. See - the world had ended, God was dead, and you were worried about being lightly reprimanded? Fuck that, and fuck him. You hadn’t let yourself feel fear out there. You hadn’t let yourself feel despair, and you sure as hell hadn’t let yourself feel hope. Joel’s arrival forced you to confront all the pain you had ignored. This cunt of a man was managing to unearth all the anger you had neglected, too. His fucking funeral.

Your tongue sat agitated against your teeth in anticipation, waiting to give way to the venom lacing the words in your brain. 

Fury sparked in your blood, washing away all your hesitation. Fragmented, she etched herself into the ring of black that blew out your pupils; the unfaltering thumping of your heart in your chest. The threads of your fate were now in her slender, silhouetted hands, and all that was left for you to do was obey. Not that you had a choice. 

Before you could so much as blink, you had burst into the crowd. Fred’s eyes widened at the wild snarl on your face, begging and apologizing.

He was unaware, though, of just how sick you had become of apologies. Tommy’s apologies, Joel’s apologies, Maria’s shitty ones, and then the sympathetic apologies you’d been getting from customers because apparently word of Sarah and her role in your life had spread like wildfire throughout Jackson. Joel wouldn’t have shared it, nor would Tommy- not when he knew you were two seconds away from breaking his nose just weeks ago. That left the kid Joel bought-Ellie-or Fred. And something just told you it wasn’t the girl. You’d trust Joel’s judgement blindly any day.

His empty sorrys fell upon deaf ears, his trembling voice cracking as he repeated them over and over.

You grinned, baring your teeth.

“Hello, Fred. Hello, everyone. Having a party and I wasn’t even invited?” You pouted mockingly. “Y’ know what I personally think is absolutely, knee-slappingly hilarious?” You paused, watching their curiosity grow as they fell hook, line and sinker for the cheerful façade, furrowing ther brows in question and stepping in closer. “How untouched you look, asshat.” Your grin dropped just as you rocked back on your heels, surging forward within a split second while throwing all your weight into your fist. 

Just as it collided with the asshat's jaw.

“What the fuck were you thinking? You’ve been…frazzled since Joel came back, fine, but I cannot excuse your behaviour just because I know you or because you’re family. This was absolutely out of line, is that clear?” Maria stopped her pacing to turn to you, expecting a justification or an apology. You offered neither. When you refused to so much as look up from your split knuckles, she threw her hands up, huffing at her husband, who was leaning against the table sheepishly while wincing every time her voice rose as she yelled at you. 

The door swung open and Joel practically stumbled in, eyes searching wildly until they landed on you curled up on a chair with your hands in your lap. Did news seriously spread that fast, even now? Guess people don’t have much to do when the world has ended.

“Look- I know, I know you went through a lot. At first, you were spacey and Tommy told me to just leave it alone. Then, you got the bookshop and you just spent all your time there or on patrols, never even trying to integrate yourself here, and I’ve let it go because he-“ a finger in Tommy’s direction, “-begged me to. Let go of your little…tantrum with Ellie, too. I watched Tommy mope around and I said nothing even when you refused to accept that he hadn’t told you about Joel, for your own good.” Tommy flinched, but she went on. “I just can’t do it this time. You broke Fred’s jaw, you know? He is a contributing, well-liked citizen in Jackson. Not a recluse. I didn’t believe you’d done it until I saw the state of your hand. You’re always so quie-just-just give me one fucking reason you would punch him.” She was panting by the end, her chest falling rapidly under the weight of her own tirade. 

Joel had planted himself directly between you and Maria, as if trying to protect you from the onslaught of her words. He looked more apologetic than you did, hands extending towards her while he took a deep breath, attempting to placate her. 

“Maria-now just wait a damn minute, she wouldn’t-“ 

Was he defending you? When had that happened? When had you become this-this blubbering, weak version of yourself that Joel had to protect? 

The cold, unforgiving numbness loosened its grip; fear, guilt but most strongly, shame coiling in your gut. Maria was right, in her own fucked up way. You had retreated so far back into yourself that all that was left within your grasp now was mere tendrils of who you used to be. 

Sarah would have been proud of me for punching the bastard, though. 

The thought rang in your mind as you raised your head, squared your shoulders. Took the stutter out of your voice, and looked Maria right in the eyes. 

“Your contributing, well-liked citizen said Sarah was lucky to die. That she wouldn’t have gone untouched in a QZ. Whatever the fuck that was supposed to mean. And thanks to how well liked he is, I didn’t get a chance to tell you that he’s been touching me for months. That he took advantage of the fact that I was too fucking broken to say anything, to anyone. It’s not like you would’ve believed me.” You watched both Millers’ faces harden, brows furrowing as fury began sinking her talons in their flesh. Joel looked murderous, jaw set at that angle you knew meant he was livid. Good. You had been, too. Tommy looked shocked, anger painting his features, and his wife just looked terrified, eyes darting from you to Joel, wide and panicked. It made you smile at her, the curl of your mouth dripping with condescension and mockery. 

“Maria, I’m so sorry you’ve had to overlook this many…grievances, let’s call them. I’ll work on my attitude here, I promise. I’ll go to book club and gossip about my husband and my dead daughter. I’ll do my hair and cut my nails and smile at people who don’t fucking deserve it. Hell, I’ll even forgive Tommy.” You pause, nodding at him, watching the relief in his eyes. Smile dropping, you meet Maria’s gaze again. 

“But here’s what I won’t do- I won’t stand in a room with that asshole again without breaking all the other bones in his body. I won’t stay quiet next time his hands are on me - I’ll snap his fucking neck. Anyone else with anything else to say about Sarah - even if it’s just goddamn condolences - will find themselves in a similar predicament. Is that clear?” She blinked at you, mouth wide open at the radical transformation in you as you spoke, taking so long to nod that you doubted she’d heard you at first. You didn’t blame her - you’d folded in on yourself, made yourself small these past few years. Become meek: looking at the floor, wringing your hands; doing absolutely anything to avoid confrontation or issue. You’d been too tired to fight or stand on your own two feet, and everyone had focused on the wobble in your voice; the wet lining in your eyes; the shake of your hands, and just decided that just because you chose not to challenge them, you weren’t capable of it. Fuck that. 

Joel’s eyes shone as he looked at you, chin dipping in acknowledgment as he, too, had a stunned look on his face. You just shrugged back at him, swinging your legs and getting up, walking out of the house without so much as a glance over your shoulder. 

The flame that had forged your spirit - the fire burning in your veins, the one snuffed out long ago - flickered back to life. Dim,  shaky, practically translucent - but ignited. 

And fuck, it felt good to be back. 

hello loves, as always - thank you for reading. comment your thoughts or find me on ao3. stay hydrated and have a great day! taglist (let me know if you want to be added/removed): @imherefordeanandbones, @theywhowriteandknowthings, @josephquinnswhore, @breakfastatjoels, @millerscoffee, @nostalxgic, @sscorpiiio, @pedrosaidsheispunk, @its-nebuleuse, @sofiparallel, @mandoisapunk, @bastardmandennis, @pawnshopb1ues. dividers by me! series taglist (same rule: message/comment to be added or removed, no hard feelings): @spookyxsam, @obscurexsorrows, @planet-marz1, @lunxramour, @anavatazes, @joeldjarin, @stunkbiggu, @joels-darlin, @casa-boiardi, @noisynightmarepoetry, @chiogarza, @jasminedragoon, @daddy-din, @moonlightdivine, @stickthegremlin, @jamesmasbone, @avampiregf, @amanitacowboy

[starlightsreigns]

one last time | d. priest

summary: serena and damian need to call it quits. but it’s breaking both their fragile hearts.

word count: 726 (short & sweet)

warnings: none!

authors note: something i wrote at 2 am. i fear i might write a part two but idk. again, ignore the lowercase im obsessed with it. sorry for the errors x

“feel like a failure, cause i know that i failed you”

sarena held his arm tightly, too afraid of him walking out of that door. and surprisingly, damian doesn’t move away. he only looks at her in sadness - her puffy cheeks and red eyes broke his heart. sarena took a step forward and kissed his arm softly.

“don’t do this, damian.” she pled, resting her head against his forearm. “i don’t want this.”

damian shut his eyes painfully, “i love you, baby, but this is what’s good for us.”

“i promise after that i’ll let you go”

it’s hard to see three years down the drain for something that couldn’t be fixed. too many factors brought them to this moment in time. the screaming, the fighting, the lying and the cheating. time and age separated them and it became harder to make this relationship make sense anymore.

damian couldn’t trust sarena; she’s younger, livelier, and there was a disconnect when he was on the road. then, sarena couldn’t trust damian with the groupies, the space, and the sheer fact that he couldn’t believe anything she told him.

the love wasn’t enough to keep them together when they were tearing each other apart. it was killing them to be in this relationship any longer, but neither one of them wanted to be the one to give it up - that was until damian knew he needed to let sarena go. if he didn’t, they’d end up resenting each other.

“but i got nothing here without you.”

so, they sat on the edge of the bed together, a bed they’ve shared for the past two years, realizing it was the end. sarena hasn’t been able to stop the tears that we’re streaming down her face. yet, she wasn’t worried about herself, she spent her time wiping away his tears and clinging to him like her life depended on it.

“i don’t wanna be without ya”

“i don’t want to hurt you anymore,” damian whispered in the darkness of the room. he moved serena’s hair from her face. “i care too much about you.”

sarena nodded slowly, unable to accept this, unable to come up with something to say to him. she rested her chin on her knee, letting the sobs fall into her hands. this wasn’t what she wanted, but she knew it's what they needed.

“do you think we’d be able to get back together in the future?” she asked between sobs, needing something to soothe the ache in her chest. “you can’t tell me we have to be like this forever.”

damian doesn’t speak. he only stared at the ground and serena felt sick to her stomach.

a sad smile came onto her face, “you want this to be a forever thing?”

“we can’t be friends, rina.” his voice cracked. “i can’t pretend, i love you too much, but i can’t give you a timeline and disappoint you or you disappoint me if someone else comes around.”

“I have nothing without you, Damian, and I don’t want to be without you.” she shouted weakly. “there won’t be anyone else.”

“i know i don’t deserve it, but stay with me a minute”

it’s silent for a long time afterwards. serena had no tears left to cry as she stared at the ground. damian sat close beside her, their fingers interlocked, not wanting to separate for a moment and make this real.

“i know you’ll leave in the morning, and i’ll have to accept that you won’t call, or text, but can we just sleep here for the next three hours before this is all over?” serena fought the tears, turning to look at damian. “and then i’ll let you go?”

damian nodded, wrapping his arm around her as they laid back. neither of them slept, it was silent and as the sun rose, serena squeezed his arm in place, wishing that he’d change his mind and stay. but, she knew he didn’t.

he gave her two long kisses, two painful kisses and got out of the bed. she couldn’t even turn to look at him as he walked out of the door. he whispered one last i love you and she was left with the silence of the house.

how was she supposed to accept this? because…

“all i really care is you wake up in my arms.”

pov: i cried when i wrote this. until next time x

[inactive3x3]

"why do you love me ?"

-> prompt: when you ask scara why he loves you during a late night talk, he gives you an answer that you were and weren't expecting

-> genre: fluff

-> warnings: slightly suggestive, kind of sappy, has some of his backstory, soft!scaramouche

-> character: scaramouche/wanderer

-> pronouns: none

he gently moved a hair out of your face, eyes admiring your figure that lay bare beneath the sheets. his hand rested on your cheek for a moment, thumb gently touching the skin below your eyes, before he moved it to tug the sheets higher so it covered both of your bodies. after pressing a kiss to your forehead, he was about to fall asleep until he heard you ask a very simple yet complex question.

"why do you love me?"

his eyes snapped open as if he had gotten shot, violet-blue hues giving you a soft and confused gaze. your gaze was equally as soft, yet held a certain element of curiosity and playfulness behind them.

"do i need a reason?"

you shrugged, playing with the blanket, "i dunno. im just wondering."

"if you really need an answer," he said, taking hold of your hand. "i love you because i love you."

you bursted into a small giggle fit, "what kind of answer is that?"

"an honest one," he snorted. "what were you expecting? i've already told you, i'm a blunt person."

he rolled his eyes at you and flipped over, letting go of your hand. it made you slightly sad even though you knew why he avoided those types of questions. even now, he had a hard time wrapping his mind around what he felt internally, and emotionally you knew he struggled. you understood why he was like this, so instead you decided just dropped the question.

"sorry," you apologized. "that was a dumb ques-"

"i can't put these emotions into comprehensible words, but you and i are true to ourselves and each other." he flipped back over, facing you with an unexplainable loving look in his eyes. a serious look was on his face. "you're my light, and even though you lead me to all these horrible places and situations-"

you giggled slightly, making his lips turn into a full blown smile and place a hand on your cheek to refocus you.

"i follow you like a moth drawn to flame. the moments we share with each other in my eyes are so valuable that i'd give my life to cherish and preserve them. that's the best way i can describe it. how's that?"

"i… your answer makes me feel so happy."

"now it's your turn, why do you love me?"

truth betold, he was very eager and curious to hear your answer. it had been gnawing at him for a very long time. over the years, he was told that he was so cold and ruthless, malevolent and twisted with an attitude and blunt way with words. everyone always used to poke at him, "how could someone stand you?" "with that attitude, there's no one who could put up with you!"

"well," you hummed, and searched for words, nuzzling your cheek into his hand lovingly. "it's because you're you. i love you because you're you."

he had already done so much in the past, "how could you love me when you don't even know half of the atrocities that i've committed?"

"i'm not saying that those never happened," you reasoned. "but, do you regret them?"

"yes." he didn't even have to think.

"have you atoned for them and accepted that what you did was wrong?"

"yes... how is this important to the question i gave you?"

"then that already makes you a better person than you were when you committed those 'atrocities'."

he went quiet for a second, looking away from you. it made you nervous, did you take it a step too far? but, he looked back at you, then a small smile took over his lips. "i don't deserve you."

"you do," you said, pulling him in for a hug. you could feel his arms wrap around your back, his fingertips cool against your back. "i love you."

"...i love you too."

[hannigramislife]

for my own gratification bc i just ran into nie mingjue hate in the wild, would you mind making a post that defends my poor good boy? he worked so hard and got gaslit to shit before getting murdered terribly ;; literally everyone sat there telling him "youre being too harsh" and he's just responding appropriately. like yeah, if you witness a murder, ya kinda got to do something about that as a clan leader. its kinda your responsibility, even when you care about the person who did the murdering. he was also a really young when he took on the role of clan leader and idk, it just made me rlly sad to see people dunk on him cuz wtf he's literally just trying his best in an impossible situation WHILE being perpetually fucked over by his clan's own traditional cultivation cuz now the stronger he is as a leader, the closer he is to going literally insane and dying bc of it. (mingjue did nothing wrong i will die on this hill) ((sorry for going on a tirade, im just sad and defensive of my good boy rn))

Oh no! I'm so sorry you had to go through Nie Mingjue hate! Truly tragic. I went through that once when in the beginning of me reading the books, when I still had no proper opinions, and never again.

I'm more than willing to make a post about Nie Mingjue! I'm always down to talk about Nie Mingjue tbh, he's my heart and love and if I were to have been given the opportunity to be his right hand person, I would have simply never betrayed his trust and married him. Rip Jin Guangyao but I'm different.

Anyways, I, huhhh, actually think you?? Covered it all??? Pretty much?? Yet I will talk about it. This will be long and non-coherent, because I don't have the books rn to find quotes in them and honestly, I could write essays on Nie Mingjue either way.

Nie Mingjue is a central piece of the narrative, despite the limited amount of appearances he made, and the fact that he wasn't close to the main characters at all. The entire second part of the plot revolves around him- it happened because of him. His murder is a tragedy; literally, by greek standards, man has Cassandra Curse all over him, so I don't get how people can tell me, confidently, that his death was warranted. I've been told the man had asked for it, and this has mostly been by Jin Guangyao apologists.

So let me make something real fucking clear.

Nie Mingjue did not deserve to die. Let's get that out of the way, anyone can fight me on that. Nie Mingjue had more good qualities than half the people in this fucking story, despite his flaws. After his father was brutally murdered when Mingjue was only in his teens, Nie Mingjue stepped up as clan leader. We can only speculate the hardships that await someone leading a clan at such an early age. Yet, political challenges weren't the only thing he had to battle; Nie Mingjue knew about his clan's harmful cultivation, and he knew he was going to die young. So what did he do? His best. Literally his best, always. He was always giving 100% of his abilities, because that's who he was.

Let's talk about who Nie Mingjue was, shall we?

When Jin Guangyao, still Meng Yao then, describes Nie Mingjue, he finds himself perplexed, because Nie Mingjue isn't like other men. He is not frivolous, and he has no vices; Meng Yao describes how Nie Mingjue never showed an interest in arts, or alcohol, or women. All he did was train, and fight the Wens during the war. It shows that he had a one-track mind from the start, and has got a strict discipline; yet this strictly disciplined man, leader of a clan that prizes strength, continuously indulges his lazy and undisciplined half-brother, his one and only heir, despite not understanding his interests. We gather, pretty quickly, that Nie Mingjue is a bleeding heart for his brother, and for the ones he loves in general. We see the same softer side displayed in the presence of Lan Xichen, and of course, for some time, Meng Yao.

People seem to think Nie Mingjue took Meng Yao's betrayal too harshly. As if somehow seeing a man he thought to have been just and honest commit premeditated murder, then cover it up, was something he was just supposed to get over. To this day, I can't believe how Lan Xichen was so understanding of it. But not only did Nie Mingjue catch him in a cowardly act - Meng Yao proceeds to manipulate him, using the fact that Nie Mingjue cared about him, to stab him in the back. Or front, however it happened. I get that Meng Yao was in a difficult position, that he suffered at the Jins, that he felt backed in a corner; but Nie Mingjue was a man that had extended his help to Meng Yao before, and even then, he went to find Meng Yao in righteous fury, ready to help him again. To Nie Mingjue, the idea that Meng Yao "had no other choice" but to kill - to kill in the manner he did - it could have been nothing but a betrayal.

One thing that I personally highly respected Nie Mingjue for was the fact that he did not judge Meng Yao for his background. This is not up for debate; Nie Mingjue stood up for him, quite publicly, quite vocally, when Meng Yao was being insulted over it. And not only that, but he promoted Meng Yao to be his right hand man, just like that. Because he's impulsive, and to prove a point, but it was still huge of him to do. Not even Lan Xichen would have done that - In a society built on power dynamics between social classes, Nie Mingjue was one of the few characters who did not let that define his actions. It wasn't because he was born privileged (though he was) but because he he didn't let anything other than his judgment direct his actions. Nie Mingjue also never shied away from anything; if it had to be done, he did it, no matter the cost.

Nie Mingjue was decisive, and had an iron will. When Meng Yao killed the Nie disciples in Qishan, he wanted to kill Meng Yao. Meng Yao told him, paraphrasing, that "don't you understand that if I hadn't done that, it would have been your corpse up there?" and Wei Wuxian takes it to mean "Translation: I saved you so you can't kill me, because that would mean you're in the wrong." So Nie Mingjue hesitated for a second, then said: "Fine! I'll kill you, and then take my own life!" And the only reason he didn't, was because Lan Xichen was there. Otherwise, Nie Mingjue would have killed his former friend, then followed him to whatever afterlife awaited.

Nie Mingjue is often portrayed like he doesn't understand stuff, like he's stupid, simply because of his black and white sense of morality. That's not correct: Nie Mingjue understands motive, but he doesn't accept the ends justifying the means. Scratch that, he doesn't accept or justify either, if they're unjust. The murder of the Jin commander, the murder of the Nie disciples, not executing Xue Yang - how can Nie Mingjue possibly understand Meng Yao's decisions, when Nie Mingjue would rather die, any day, than live thanks to vile actions?

And then, Nie Mingjue starts falling into qi-deviation. We know that it affected his temper the most, and his judgement. I don't understand how it works, really, so I don't know by the end how much was Nie Mingjue and how much was the mess that the spirit made of him - maybe a combination of the two. But what is certain, is that the rapid qi deviation changed him.

But I could write a hundred more pages on him, meticulously going over every single scene he has ever appeared in, because I find him that interesting. I find him the most interesting, and the most appealing character, because in a story where the navigation of the cultivation world's complex politics and hierarchies with tact and diplomacy is crucial, Nie Mingjue stands uncompromising in his principles, choosing duty and honor over anything else, even when it's hard.

[erikatsu]

even when i'm not with you — blade

cw: gn!reader. hurt/some comfort(?). heavily implied depressive episode (reader). i am 100% projecting, idc. reader has hair long enough to play with. unedited. probably ooc blade.

note: i wasn't gonna post this, but i think we can all use the reminder that its okay to not be okay. aka i feel as if im bearing my soul rn LMAO.

BLADE is not a man of many words. he didn't enjoy meaningless small talk or even elaborate conversation. he simply preferred silence, unless you were the one doing the talking. and just as much, he hated it when you were silent. when you weren't going on about your newest interest or current hobbies, he knew something was wrong.

it wasn't like you to not greet him when he got back to hq, to not smile at him when he'd kiss the top of your head in response. silver wolf had mentioned you didn't seem to be your usual self, but he didn't realize how bad it was until he walked into the room you both shared. at first he thought you were sleeping, possibly due to the assignment you and silver wolf had been assigned to with sam while he was on the xianzhou. but when he sat down and leaned in to kiss your cheek, he realized you were awake and that you were just... staring at the wall.

he was worried before, and now he was also filled with guilt. it was not new to him, as you had your bad days– just like he did. he just hated he wasn't around to help you before it progressed into this. blade frowned, kicking off his shoes before laying down beside you. he pulled you into him, tucking you into his chest and holding you tight.

your lower lip quivered at his embrace, your eyes closing upon feeling the burning of tears that were threatening to spill. and as soon as he whispered, "it's okay, i'm here now", you couldn't hold them back. they fell down your cheeks, leaving glistening trails along your skin before they dripped onto his shirt.

at least you weren't numb yet.

you tried to reign in your emotions, but unfortunately he could tell by the way you were breathing that you were crying. he shushed you, pressing his lips against your hair before he played with the ends, "it's okay, let it out. don't keep it in."

but you didn't want to. you were sick of this feeling, and you were sick of getting into your own head. you had no reason to be this sad, or to feel sorry for yourself. yet... that thought could not break the chains that were tied around your ankles– keeping you shackled and nearly drowning within the depths of your own mind. no matter how hard you tried to claw at them, to break them free, you couldn't and that left you feeling even more trapped than when this had first started.

and you didn't even know when it started– that nagging feeling of worthlessness that had spiraled into the mess you were now. you'd pushed it away for so long and now it was coming back to bite you. your sense of time was skewed, your memory was getting weak, and your judgment was beginning to cloud. if something was not right in front of you, it did not exist and that could lead to mishaps just like what happened on the last mission you had been tasked with.

you'd been benched– elio believing that it was what was best until you got better– and that was what sent you over the edge.

you felt like a failure, and that you always would be one. you thought that the others were disappointed in you, when they were only concerned for your well being. that sinking feeling of not being good enough quickly turned into your heart dropping to your belly, completely breaking what little hope you had left. you had let them down, you were so mad at yourself, and you felt so guilty.

alone, all these thoughts bubbled up with your bottled emotions until they finally boiled over and took the lid with it.

you didn't even know how long you'd been holed up in bed. sam was constantly checking in on you, making sure you were taking care of yourself despite how adamant you were that you were fine, that you didn't need a babysitter, and that you could take care of your fucking self. but you couldn't, and that was the reality of it. if not for sam, blade would've been getting you into the shower while he made you something to eat as soon as he got back.

blade. you tried to hide your face against his chest, muffling a choked sob and a jagged inhale. you didn't deserve what little love he had left to give. didn't deserve to be held like this, to hear him humming a soft tune or feel his finger tips lightly tracing over your skin– much like you did with him when the mara flared up if kafka wasn't around. he deserved so much more than someone who was so... broken. he shouldn't have to comfort you when he had it much worse, but he would argue that demons were demons regardless of how they presented themselves.

he deserved someone who could make him feel more whole.

"im sorry," you tried to apologize, finally finding your voice. you hated being so vulnerable, so weak. you couldn't but to feel pathetic, crying over nothing like a child.

you went to sit up, causing him to follow suit. he caught you by the chin, gently turning you towards him so he could wipe away your tears. he shook his head, "don't apologize."

"but–"

he rubbed his thumb along your cheek, even though there was nothing more to wipe away, "there's no need to apologize for this, ever. we all have our own battles, but this does not mean you're losing yours. i will always be here to help, even if i'm not in person. i won't let you go through this alone."

you closed your eyes, more tears escaping before you finally nodded and wrapped your arms around his neck, resting your head on his shoulder. he squeezed you back just as tightly, murmuring in your ear, "always, sweetheart. in this life and the next."

[theworldofotps]

Eight Months Ago

Pairing: HOOK x Reader Word Counter: 5242 Description: Eight months ago Tyler did one of the hardest things he’s ever done.

Slight angst(?), fluff, little hints of smut and some sad (sorta?)

A massive thank you @omg-im-such-a-masochist babes your support, ideas and just everything is always so appreciated. This wouldn’t have been possible or turned out the way it did without your help. Love youuu xx

I really hope you guys enjoy this it’s a little long x (I also hope it makes sense because I’ve edited it so many damn times) _________ Tag list:

@omg-im-such-a-masochist @melissahausen @new-zealand-chic @writtingrose @sjwrites22 @sassymox @mrsacklesevansmgk @xladyxfatex @biforrollynch @irish-newzealand-idian-dutch @demonqueen29 @itsicantbelievethis666 @lilred91 @rebellious-desires @claymorexpunisher @letsgivethisonemoreshot @ava-valerie @shortyiceheart @serpantscorpio8497 @thatpanpal @thatnerdwriter @wrestlersownmyheart @vebner37 @auburnwrites @aews-four-pillars @seeingstarks @whenimakeitshine1234 @legit9thlunaticwarrior @blaquekitty @ironshamelessyouth @unoficialy-married-to-ace-austin @ripleyswhore @melblacc @alliwant456 @elevennbloom @xbreezymeadowsx @mcreignsera If you wanna be added to the list lemme know. _________ Taz hesitated outside his son’s locker room, normally he wouldn’t think twice about knocking but lately Tyler seemed like he was on the edge. He wasn’t sure when it had all started, but he had a few faint ideas, one he could for sure almost bet was a big part of the reason. After another brief pause, he knocked and waited for the okay to step inside.

“Who is it?”

“Your father.”

“..Come on in.”

Pushing the door open, Taz closed it behind him and leaned against the wall his arms crossed as he eyed his son. Tyler was laid out on the couch, an arm covering his eyes and the other lying across his stomach, he hadn’t even changed out of his gear yet.

“Sit up we need to have a talk.”

“Can’t this wait till later?”

“No, no it can’t.”

Waiting until he was sat up and his attention was focused on his dad, Taz sat on the only other chair in the room. Rubbing his hand over his chin he took the time to really look at his kid, he had dark circles under his eyes. His hair was even wilder than usual and not because of having just finished a match. Taz had started to notice the slight differences in him, and to be frank he was getting worried.

“Look son.”

Taz started slowly trying to figure out the best way to go about this situation, he figured coming right out was best.

“I don’t know what’s been going on lately, but we really need to discuss whatever it is that has you feeling or acting the way you’ve been.”

“Nothing is going on I’m just a little tired.”

“That’s bullshit and we both know it come on Ty I wasn’t born yesterday; you know you can talk to me about anything. But for the last couple of months, you haven’t been yourself. You show up late for training, you hardly return any calls to anybody or when the guys invite you out you always decline. Your matches are still amazing, it seems the only time you’re really yourself is when you’re in the ring. Maybe it’s because it comes like second nature I don’t know. But what I do know is something ain’t right and it seems like it hasn’t been for a while.”

“I’m fine dad really just a lot on my mind but it’s nothing. We’ve been traveling a lot and it’s finally catching up.”

Taz eyed him for a few minutes then spoke once again this time with more caution.

“How long has it been since Double or Nothing?”

“Eight months give or take.”

Nodding, he stood and walked over patting his shoulder then made his way over to the door Taz knew his gut feeling was probably right.

“Well, if you do want to talk, I’m here remember that please.”

“I will dad thanks.”

Tyler said and flopped back down on the couch resuming his previous position, Taz watched him for another moment before leaving the room. Pulling out his phone he scrolled to the bottom of his contacts and hovered over the call button before clicking dial. Listening to it ring he walked away from Tyler’s locker room and headed for the parking lot. This was a long shot but like he’d told Tyler, he knew his kid and he’d bet money that the thing making him behave this way would be on the other end of the phone call.

“Taz?”

“Hey firefly it’s good to hear from you again, listen I know it’s been a while since we chatted last, but I really need your help.?

*Eight months ago*

“Ty wait stop you’re going to drop me!”

Taz followed the sound of laughter and made his way to where the ring was being set up. Chuckling, he crossed his arms watching as Tyler carried Y/n around the barricade that was set up.

“Oh, come on you know I’d never drop you baby just hold on tight.”

Tyler chuckled back to her as he walked around a barricade and then started jumping up the stairs. The sound of Y/n’s screams being muffled as she pressed her face against his shoulder. 

“Be careful Tyler you have a match tomorrow last thing we need is you getting injured because you tripped going up the stairs. And we don’t want y/n getting hurt either.”

Taz called out and made his way down the ramp towards the ring, Tyler huffed but turned and walked back down the steps. Y/n still held tightly on his back as they made their way over to stand with him.

“I wouldn’t drop my girl she’s safe as could be.”

“Not the point son.”

“Thank you, Taz.”

Y/n said slipping off Tyler’s back and adjusting the HOOK shirt she was wearing a grin on her face.

“You’re welcome, you two look just the way you did when you were fifteen and making your way around the arenas waiting for me to finish a match.”

“Except this time, she’s mine and I don’t have to worry about her leaving me for an older man.”

Tyler teased causing Y/n to gasp shoving his shoulder as she crossed her arms.

“I didn’t leave you for another man I just wanted an autograph from Stone Cold and you were busy munching your chips while sucking your juice box.”

Y/n said as Tyler took her hand kissing the back of it lightly then kissed her lips chuckling afterwards.

“When I found her, she was busy drooling over him clutching the photo to her chest listening to him ramble about whatever.”

“I was not drooling!”

“Okay children okay it’s getting late Tyler needs to get some rest for the show tomorrow you can argue about this another time. Head back to the hotel and no funny business I mean it he needs to get a good night sleep.”

“Yes dad.”

Taz watched as the two walked off whispering and giggling as they went, he loved seeing his son so happy and the fact it was with someone who was already treated like family because of his connection with her uncle was just the cherry on top.

*Present* Pushing the hotel room door open Tyler threw his bag on the floor and made his way over for a quick shower. He was ready to just get clean and lay in his bed the exhaustion from his match was finally settling in. He was more than glad he didn’t have anything to do tomorrow so he could just keep to himself. Digging through his bag for a clean pair of pajama bottoms he walked into the bathroom showering and getting ready for bed. Plugging his phone in, he shut the light off, laying down on the bed and waited for his vision to get adjusted to the dark.

He still wasn’t completely used to sleeping by himself even after eight months alone, the bed always seemed much colder without her there. Tyler couldn’t help but shut his eyes tightly, the image of her drifted through his mind as it did almost every night. He couldn’t help playing that last scene back repeatedly like he always did. Sure, he may have been the one to bring this all upon himself, sure he knew that he could have gone about things a different way. But it was too late to try and change the past, now all he could do was unwillingly dwell on it.

*Eight months ago* Tyler rubbed a hand over his face as he sat on the bed, he was supposed to be resting up but he couldn’t help it. What he was about to do was making it impossible for him to go to sleep. Hopefully once it was finished, he’d be able to just push everything off and maybe things would go back to semi normal.

“Hi babe, I’m back sorry it took so long but Renee wanted help deciding on some outfits for the show next week.”

Y/n called out as she closed the hotel door behind her, making her way to the bedroom after removing her coat and shoes. Spotting Tyler she frowned softly and made her way over to the bed slowly.

“Hey are you okay?”

Tyler shook his head and got off the bed. He needed to have a little space between them before he did this. Swallowing back the nervousness he took a moment to collect himself, letting a neutral bored look settle on his features then turned back to her. Y/n the girl who meant more to him then anyone else, his light in this fucked world. They’d known each other all their lives and yet over the course of the time they were dating, his feelings hit fast.

“Look I know this is sudden and out of nowhere but I just I don’t think this is going to work out anymore. And by this, I mean us. I’ve given it some thought and there’s not really any point in letting it drag on. It’s better if we just end on good terms as friends or whatever.”

Tyler glanced over, seeing the shock on her face and the tears welling up in her eyes as he spoke. He knew this was going to devastate her, but he needed out. He couldn’t handle all this emotion and feeling, everything else that came with having a serious stable relationship.

Y/n stared at him and swallowed the lump in her throat as she tried to process everything he was saying. He was right this had come out of nowhere, she thought that they were doing amazing at the present time in their relationship. Sure, they had spats like every couple, but they always managed to work through them in the end.

“Where is this coming from? We’ve been together for nearly eight months. What changed, what went wrong? What did I do to make you feel like you needed to end this?”

“You didn’t do anything there’s no point trying to explain it I just know that it’s best to end things where they are before one of us ends up getting hurt…worse.”

“I thought you loved me. How can you say you love someone then go and do this without giving me a real reason as to why. I don’t want to lose you Ty please baby there has to be something we can do to work this out.”

“We’ll always be friends you won’t lose me completely this is just for the best; I do love you Y/n..in a way but I just know we can’t continue this it has to be over. I got you another room, so you don’t have to go to the airport this late.”

Grabbing the new key, he held it out looking at the wall to avoid watching the tears that were sliding down her cheeks. Tyler knew she was hurting but he couldn’t let this relationship go on and it was best that she hated him for now then for things to continue as they were. In the end he was worried about breaking her even worse.

Sniffling Y/n stood up and quickly went about gathering her stuff, Tyler watched her pack everything. His heart felt like it was going to pound out of his chest. He wanted more than anything to stop her, but he knew he couldn’t. When she had everything, she went to the door stopping with her hand on the knob just hoping he would change his mind. Sure, she could yell and scream but the thing she wanted most was for him to be happy. And if ending their relationship was going to make him happy then she wasn’t going to stop that. Walking out she closed the door behind her, leaving Tyler alone with the memories and a empty feeling in his chest.

*Present* Y/n stared at the tickets that laid on the table in front of her in an envelope. After the call she received from Taz a few days ago she was dumbfounded. She couldn’t understand why he would want her to fly all the way out to Chicago because Tyler wasn’t acting himself. She hadn’t seen or spoken to him since the night she left his hotel room. After having her cousin grab the few things, she had at his apartment she hadn’t had any contact with him. Of course, she had asked after him and even tried to send a text, but it failed to deliver.

Taz had told her he couldn’t figure out what else to do, Tyler wasn’t talking to him like he normally would. He wasn’t talking to anyone or being himself, and this was the last thing Taz could think of. Tyler and Y/n had been close as could be even before they dated so he was hoping that she could help. 

Honestly as much as she loved Taz and wanted to do this for him, she couldn’t just forget about all the hurt and anger she had felt at the way Tyler ended things between them. He couldn’t even be decent enough to give her a straight answer as to why he was breaking up with her. She’d spent weeks and months afterwards trying to think of what could have gone wrong and she kept coming up blank. 

“Tyler made his choice he obviously didn’t want me there anymore, he ended things between us why should I care if he isn’t acting right?”

Standing she felt all that old anger coming back to the surface as she stared down at those tickets.  “I really think he needs you Y/n”

Taz had told her; she had never heard that desperate tone in his voice before and knew that he must be really worried about Tyler.

“If he really needed me then he never should have left.”

Y/n turned her back on the envelope and made her way into the bathroom to have a hot bath. Maybe she would know what to tell Taz after spending some more time thinking. The flight was for tomorrow evening. Slipping into the hot bath y/n rested her head back on a towel, her eyes closing as the water gently swirled around her. She couldn’t help her mind wandering when she closed her eyes, thinking about Tyler brought back memories that she tried her hardest to keep buried in the back of her mind.

*A year ago* “Ty what if we get caught by someone?”

“We won’t baby, nobody ever comes down this it’s too far in the arena so we’re safe.”

Tyler whispered holding Y/n’s hand as they made their way down a dark hallway. He had just finished a match and despite still being in the arena; Tyler needed her now. He just couldn’t wait until they got back to the hotel. Stopping short Tyler turned pressing her against the wall, Y/n gasped at the contact of cold cement seeping through her shirt making her shiver as his warm body covered hers. Tyler’s lips met hers in a hungry kiss, his fingers pressing into the skin of her hips, Y/n let out a soft moan as he rocked into her. 

“Been thinking of doing this all-day angel ever since we got out of bed this morning.”

“Ty please I need.”

“Shh I know baby just be a good girl and wait. I’ll give you just what you need.”

He kissed across her jaw and down her neck, his hands slipping under her shirt touching as much skin as he could. Her nipples pebbled under his touch and soft moans fell from her lips as he worked them between his fingers. Tyler couldn’t help the smirk that covered his lips at the sounds she was making.

“As much as I love playing with your tits my dad will be looking for us soon.”

He chuckled softly before yanking her pants down to her knees a soft gasp falling from her.

“Fuck you’re already wet for me and I’ve barely done anything.”

He whispered in her ear as he rubbed her core through the new panties he just bought her. Y/n whimpered and whined as he pushed the fabric to the side. Pulling his own shorts down he fisted his cock stroking it a few times before slowly sliding into her. Y/n moaned head falling back as he laced their fingers together, rocking his hips forward.

“So, fucking tight.”

He hissed giving her just a few moments to adjust to his size before he pulled out thrusting back in.

“I love you Ty baby so much.”

Y/n cried out her legs wrapping around his waist as he moved in and out of her, Tyler’s eyes met hers a gleam of happiness in them.

“I love you too starfish, forever.”

*Present day* Wiping the tears away Y/n huffed and reached over grabbing her phone sending a quick message to Taz.

‘I’ll be there tomorrow evening.’ ~ Taz watched the flights flash across the board, she should be off the plane and walking over to the baggage claim any moment now.  Looking around Taz smiled mover making his way over when he finally spotted her, waiting till she grabbed her suitcase and turned around.

“Taz!”

“Hey firefly it’s so good to see you kiddo!”

Hugging her tightly he kissed the top of her head and grabbed her suitcase offering his arm for her as they made their way through the airport.

“Thanks again for coming Y/n I know that things haven’t been good between you twos but I’m worried and nothing else is working.”

“Are you sure he’s going to want to see me?”

“Honestly yes I do. You should have seen the way he was after you left, I don’t know why he ended things, but he was a mess afterwards. He doesn’t know that I heard him every time I passed his room or went to his door. I’ve told him more than once that breaking it off with you was stupid but he’s a grown ass adult. Here we go let’s get in and head for the arena he has a match tonight, so we’ll keep you hidden until afterwards.” 

“What are we going to do if he gets mad and tells me to leave?”

“If you knew how miserable he’s been for the last eight months or so especially these the last few weeks even. I think seeing you would be more than good for him even if he doesn’t want to admit it. Maybe the two of you could finally talk and you can find out why things ended the way they did. If he really doesn’t, well then you can explore Chicago for a few days before going home. Or there is a ticket for tomorrow.”

“Yeah, having some closure would be really nice if I’m honest.”

“Closure yeah.”

Taz nodded holding the door for her to get in the car and walked around getting in the driver side.  Nodding y/n went silent for a moment she had tried to figure out once again why he had left but she couldn’t and unless Tyler told her she would never know. That was another reason why she had eventually agreed to come all the way out here.

Taz really was hoping that this would be good on both ends for the two of them. Making the drive to the arena they talked about a bunch of different topics, the closer they got the more nervous Y/n became. Yes, she had always hoped to see Tyler again, but didn’t think she would. Y/n also hoped she’d be able to keep her cool when she seen him. But part of her couldn’t help arguing that he deserved her anger after all. 

Parking the car, they slipped in through a back door and made their way down a couple hallways. Opening a door that was labeled HOOK, Taz stepped inside setting her case down and stepped to the side so she could enter. 

“I have Tyler in my locker room for now he won’t be in here until after his match if you need me at all just send me a text. Here’s the remote, and this is the wifi password I’ll talk with you soon, sorry to rush but I need to get to commentary.”

Watching him leave, y/n looked around and sat down she couldn’t believe she was here again. Turning the tv on she searched for the channel that would play Dynamite. She hadn’t seen one of Tyler’s matches in a few months, so she was intrigued to see where his storyline was... 

When his music hit Y/n’s breath hitched as she waited and then there he was, Taz was right he wasn’t himself. The rest of the world may not be able to tell very well but she could she knew Tyler better than she did anyone. Or at least she had, that’s why she was hoping he would be willing to see her tonight. The expression on his face and the lifelessness in his eyes. Shaking her head Y/n focused her attention on the screen watching as the match played out he was still just as fantastic as he’d always been. 

“Come on Tyler.”

She whispered and smiled when he got the pin, Tyler stood up lifting his title then slipped out of the ring. 

‘He’s on his way back just give it a few moments, good luck kiddo text if you need something’

‘Okay thank you’

Putting her phone on silent Y/n stood up and took a few breaths to calm herself down as she waited. When the door handle turned, she prepared herself and watched the door swing inward. His head was down so he didn’t see her right away until she spoke.

“Hello Tyler.”

Tyler’s head shot up quickly, he blinked rubbing the back of his head okay he must have been hit in the head too many times. Either he was hallucinating or Y/n was actually right in front of him.

“Y/n? What are you? Is it really you? How are you in my dressing room? What are you doing here?”

“Your father got ahold of me he said you haven’t been yourself lately and was hoping I could help somehow.”

Y/n shrugged her shoulders biting her lip as she watched him the door finally shut closing them in together. 

“And you came here just for that? I didn’t think..I mean after everything I wouldn’t have expected you too.”

“Well, I hadn’t really planned on it at first but I was hoping for some closure but yeah, he said he thought you really needed me. And well I have some of my own reasons.”

Of course, it was his dad that got ahold of her, the thing he’d wanted to do for weeks and couldn’t bring himself to.

“What’s going on Ty, what’s the matter with you?”

Hearing that nickname sent a wave of sadness over him and a lump in his throat he had to swallow around. Tyler ran a hand through his hair, an action that was all too familiar to y/n he walked over until she was in arms reach. 

“Feels like everything is crumbling around me I can barely sleep; I just feel so lost and I can’t seem to catch a break mentally.”

He mumbled as his eyes ran over her features, he couldn’t believe that she was actually in front of him right now.

“Have you ever felt like everything around you was just fine? The world in your immediate vicinity is doing rather well.  But for you internally, mentally whatever it feels like nothing will ever be right again, and you can’t block out the world completely, so you just try to ignore it.”

Nodding her head slowly as she listened to him speak Y/n watched his expression.

“Yeah honestly I have, still do at times. How long has it been like this?”

“The night after Double or Nothing, when I…broke things off between us it was hard for a while then I thought it was getting better. But it wasn’t nothing has been good since that night and it’s just getting to be too much at this point.”

Y/n felt her heart break at the vulnerability in his voice. If there was one thing that never changed it was the way she always responded to his emotions. She wanted so badly to reach out and hug him, but she couldn’t bring herself to. The feelings of hurt and anger were still welling up inside of her.

“Before I do my best to try and help you, I need to know something. Why did you end things Tyler? If things are so bad, why did you end it between us? And I want the real reason because after talking to your dad I’m starting to believe what you were spewing before wasn’t the whole reason. We were doing amazing at least I thought we were, and even the six months before that when you were training a lot. But then suddenly, it’s not working? I want the truth. I at least deserve that.”

Y/n said and searched his face she wanted to know, she needed to know the real reason. Needed to know the reason that caused her to lay awake at night, her tears falling on her pillow as she tried to think of what she did or said that made him leave.

“I told you already we just couldn’t-.”

“Don’t lie to me Tyler and tell me the truth and I mean the whole truth!”

Y/n snapped and cupped his face making him look at her and not allowing him to break eye contact. The feeling of his skin against hers still sent a spark through her but she ignored it.

“Before I was your girlfriend, I was one of your best friends, we knew each other better than we knew ourselves. And we almost always knew when the other was lying and that is what you’re doing. Now why did you leave me? Why did you end things between us when they were going so well? You just dropped me, Tyler. Like I was nothing. Like our whole relationship was nothing.”

She said letting him go and paced the floor in front of him she didn’t mean to snap but she couldn’t help herself. She was pissed, and still hurt. Swallowing she blinked back the tears and continued.

“Instead of being a man and talking to me about whatever was wrong you just tossed me to the side and didn’t even have the decency to try and fight for what we had. You may not have cared or thought I deserved a reason, but I do. I just want to know.”

“Because I was scared Y/n. You’re right, you know me better than anyone and you know that fear is not something I feel too often but when it came to our relationship, I was scared shitless. My feelings got too real, too intense so fast and I didn’t know how to handle it, so I just swept it all under the rug and ran.”

Tyler admitted, his head dropping, he didn’t know what else to say but he knew she had every right to know. It felt good being able to admit this to her and he didn’t know why the hell he hadn’t done it sooner. Then again, he’d grown up a lot during their time apart and realized that just because his feelings seemed to be too much too fast that it was okay.

“I’m sorry, I truly am I wanted to reach out to you a couple months after I wanted to make things better, but I couldn’t bring myself to. I know it doesn’t seem like I cared, especially with the way I went about everything, but I did. I loved you more than I ever had another person. You were everything to me. I wasn’t emotionally mature enough to handled everything. I know that’s not an excuse either but I’m laying it all out like you want.”

He was not used to being vulnerable and hated how it made him feel but maybe letting this all out would be the start of him getting back to normal. He knew that Y/n didn’t owe him anything so to say he was completely surprised when she wrapped her arms around him and hugged him tightly was an understatement. Tyler’s arms wound around her waist and held her just as tightly to him and felt like he could finally breathe for the first time in a long time. 

Y/n wasn’t sure how long they stood together like that just the two of them holding each other tightly but it felt good. Tears slid down her cheeks as she held onto him, this was something she’d been dreaming of. The relief of finally knowing it wasn’t anything she did, the anger knowing if he would have just come to her about everything they could of worked on it together. The sadness of all the time they had lost whirled around inside her. But for the time being she pushed it away and just focused on the fact she was getting to hold him again. 

“You have no idea how badly I’ve wanted to do this again.”

Tyler mumbled into her neck and reluctantly loosened his grip so he could look at her.

“Probably as badly as I’ve wanted to, I can’t believe that all this time.”

“I know I’m really sorry.”

Taking his hand Y/n pulled him to sit beside her on the couch and rubbed his hand that was still clasped between hers. Tyler shook his head and leaned back against the cushions a soft smile on his face.

“I can’t believe you’re actually here, how long for?”

“Well, we weren’t sure how this was going to go so I have two tickets one for tomorrow and the other is four days from tomorrow.”

“Would you be willing to keep the second one, I really think we need to sit down and talk all of this out more.”

“I wouldn’t have come all this way if I didn’t think that we could talk afterwards if you were willing. So yes lets get your stuff together and head somewhere maybe we could get some food because you really look like you need something to eat after that match.”

“You watched?”

“Yes, I always used to love watching your matches and I haven’t seen any in a while, so you have a lot to catch me up on.”

Tyler’s smile widened as he pressed a soft kiss to her cheek, he knew this didn’t fix anything, but he still couldn’t help himself. They gathered their suitcases and made their way out of the arena to the parking lot where his rental car was. While putting their suitcases in the backseat Y/n sent a quick text to Taz then climbed in the passenger seat.

‘Going to get something to eat and then talk with him we have a lot we need to deal with’

Taz pulled his phone out since it was a commercial break and smiled as he read over the message sending a reply wishing her the best of luck and then sent one to Tyler.

‘If it works out treat her right this time boy don’t let your fear get in the way of what or rather who you love most.’

*Seen*