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#that was so so SO sad but also so incredibly beautiful
chainofclovers · 6 months
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Being a human is literally like this weird combo of being okay and not okay that goes on forever except there is also death
#(i'm fine)#(personally) (mostly) (really)#this has just been an absolutely terrible year for our planet and its people and animals#and it's fucking insane that as an american living in relative safety and comfort and experiencing the pleasures and guilt of that...#...i can experience this horrible yet ENTIRELY SURVIVABLE blend of acute pain over so many things at once#including war and genocide and the utter hopelessness of that#and also things like being really really sad that matthew perry's life was so hard and he died#and also so many bad and weird things have happened to family members this year but we mostly have the resources to come together and deal#which is amazing and bolstering and exhausting#and my brain still has space to be excited about writing and numb to writing and angry/impotent about writing#desperate for feedback yet private and retreat-y and weird#always hoping to hit upon The Perfect Thing :-/#and i live in a place that basically is not a democracy any more and also the u.s. is so cursed we've never been what we said we were#so a lot of my own perceived safety is incredibly fragile#but still so much more solid than what the people i am mourning for had#and none of the comparisons make a lick of sense and are in and of themselves deeply unfair#to the point that it's humiliating to feel guilt (making it about me) and simultaneously humiliating that i don't feel guilt *constantly*#and i have therapy this week but also this deep sense that while my therapist will be a fine person to talk to it will feel unuseful#i've always been a muddle of optimism and pessimism and i am very adamant that life is super beautiful and this is precisely why...#...all the violence in the world is so brutally devastating#it's just that the casserole of all these thoughts feels increasingly horrible#and feeling that way is 100% sane#and even intersectional frameworks and intentional attempts at gentleness only get you so far in the grapple#for meaning and for ideas of what to do#so i end up contacting my reps about various awful things#and zooming in and out on my fixations and having excellent days and terrible days#often dependent on what feels like a camera setting i only partially control#and i'm sure i'm not alone in feeling embarrassed that deep empathy and grief for people i've not met somehow ends up being...#...at least a sliver about ME and my little world#about me
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icy-book · 1 month
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hey icy have you ever thought . about . overgrown garden by beetlebug . and terrick . Nicky's abandonment issues . worrying that Terry is going to leave . terry always reassuring him that hey I'm never going to leave you I love you . and then . the betrayal . and he left him . and Nicky still just worrying about Terry and knowing he would do anything for him but he still *left* him . just like he said he never would . anyways .
Aether,,,,, Aether,,,,
And how the first time Nicky saw Terry Jr again, he was trying to leave him permenantly, and how in all his guilt about hurting Nicky, he was about to hurt him even worse. Do you think that for a second, when he realised what Terry was doing, he remembered Glenn holding him when he was a small child after Morgan died and just crying and crying and crying, and how he thought for a second that that would be him and even though he should hate Terry, and maybe he does, he still loves him as much as Glenn loved Morgan and would still grieve him. But he's a Close boy so he doesn't admit to how terrified or hurt or angry he is so he tries to play it cool and just tells Glenn he's not killing them angry
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vlindervin7 · 5 months
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actually don't know what kind of person i'll become after i hear abstract (psychopomp) live i love that song so fucking much, literally sometimes it returns like rain that you slept through
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thebirdandhersong · 11 months
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all shall be well :')))) ALL SHALL BE WELL
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ywpd-translations · 1 year
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Ride 710: Support, Sakamichi
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Pag 1
2: I see it
I finally see it! That's the peak, Kei-chan!!
3: Another 1km and we're there!! It sure it's hard, racing!!
Yeah, 1km is long, Kyou-chan
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Pag 2
1: I wonder if Roku-chan surpassed him
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Pag 3
1: Maybe
3: I think he chose “go”
4: “Go”?......
Ah..... I see
….. I guess so
5: It feels a little lonely
6: While saying things like “we'll make sure (that he passes Kinaka)”, maybe we were the ones who
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Pag 4
1: really valued the time spent in the same club as Roku-chan
He passed him!!
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Pag 5
1: In the end Rokudai caught the experienced Kinaka at the last minute on the peak!!
4: Da..... mn...
This race really
5: is super fun...!!!
Kaburagi!!
He- he freed himself from the tape!!
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Pag 6
1: I did it.....
Kei-chan.... Kyou-chan....
2: I passed him
I kept.... our “promise”
3: Seriously!! Did you see that!? Imaizumi-san!!
Wa- Issa, don't push Imaizumi-san's head!!
Obviously, I saw it
Waa, Imaizumi-san is getting all serious 
4: Rokudai-kun!!
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Pag 7
1: Amazing
4: Rokudai's concentration when he passed Kinaka...
5: His feelings...
His resolution...
6: His full strength....
7: I felt them all while watching him from here....!!
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Pag 8
1: Yeah!!
2: You're right!!
5: Onoda-kun!!
6: Ah- but-but of course I fel Kinaka-kun's.... willpower and pride too!! Yes!!
…. you shouldn't be so stiff about treating them equally just because you're the captain, Onoda-kun
7: It's okay when it's the moment to support them
8: Ah
9: Telling them how you feel
10: It's a senpai's role
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Pag 9
1: Okay
4: Dammit...... really.....
5: He really passed me!?
6: The reason I lost is..... my lack of ability!!
Dammit!!
Kinaka entered the downhill and, as expected, he passed him back!!
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Pag 10
1: From now on it's a long downhill, I hope Rokudai can still..... keep up......
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Pag 11
2: Here.....
3: Oi, you, Rokudai- pedal seriously!!
Ehi, Issa
You're falling behind! D'you want Kinaka to take the finish line like this?
4: Doesn't Rokudai look a little bad?
5: Rokudai-kun!!
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Pag 13
3: Rokudai-kun!!
Rokudai fell from his bike!!
4: He hit the curb and fell into those thick bushes
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Pag 14
1: He used up all his strength.....!?
A-anyway, thank god he fell in the bushes, thank god!!
2: Rokudai-kun
3: Onoda-san!!
4: He's here
5: Are you okay, Rokudai-kun?
Are you okay!?
Can you run? Go back to the race..!!
Don't be absurd, Issa
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Pag 15
2: Ah!!
3: My bike.....
4: W- what about Kinaka-kun!?
5: I.... I have to chase him.....
Yeah!! That's right!!
Ahead....
It's okay, Rokudai!! You can still catch up!!
Oi Issa, don't get too excited
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Pag 16
3: My right hand has no strength, teh....
6: But..... I have to go....
7: Kinaka-kun said that......
“If I win this first years' race I can go to the Inter High?”
“If you can pass all of us experienced riders and take the finish line”
8: He said that if I'm the very first one to reach the finish line....
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Pag 17
2: I can.... with Back-gate-slope-senpai....
I can run...... together with him..... teh.....
3: Otherwise
My.....
My goal is.....
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Pag 18
1: Rokudai-kun.... I received your feelings
2: So, it's alright now
You can rest now, you can retire from the race
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Pag 19
3: You ran so amazingly, so you must be tired
Ah, no-no-no
Thank you for supporting me*
(NdT.: the verb he uses here, which is the same as the chapter's title, has also the meaning of “hold up”, so “support” both physically and figuratively)
4: Ahhh, but I can't move either my hands and legs
6: Roku-chan!!
7: Kei-chan, Kyou-chan!!
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Pag 20
1: You passed him!!
2: Yeah!!
4: Good job!!
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molovestuff · 7 months
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after months of having Link Click on my dash and managing to avoid spoilers because I knew nothing about it until 30 minutes ago, I finally decided to give it a try and... oof, my heart
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malusienki · 4 months
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top 5 operas?
oh dear. yeah good question my friend!
there are the obvious ones that i adore, like lucia and la fille du régiment, and those are definitely up there but then i also really enjoy les huguenots and don giovanni. and then traviata is lovely too. i do quite like opera hamlet.. and nozze.. its very hard to do a solid top 5 but if i had to at gunpoint it would beee:
in no particular order (because i find it so hard to rank them. sorry) lucia di lammermoor, les huguenots, la fille du régiment, don giovanni aaand traviata i suppose
they’re kind of basic answers? maybe? sorry
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To all you little gays out there living your pretty little romances with your pretty princes and princesses and royals and enjoying life by sharing a part of it with the marvelous person you so ardently love, listen here ya little shits-
I am so so proud of you (even tho there's a teeny tiny crumb of jealousy eating away at my heart), just know that your love is beautiful and you deserve every feeling of fluff you can find within another individual. Queer love is full of wonder. It's the kind of love you never understand until you feel it. And then it gets even more confusing. And that's the beauty of it all. Stay gay y'all.
-fellow queer human <3
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milo-is-rambling · 9 months
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Today is good I think. My brain isn’t fully happy my body isn’t fully happy but I’m treating myself kindly anyways
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permanentreverie · 1 year
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The way that first love: hatsukoi is just hurting and pain but so good
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wabblebees · 5 months
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thought id update to say; i survived opening night!!! and not only that, it went REALLY fucking well, and people seemed to REALLY REALLY like it omfg... god this is so crazy
#i was literally holding the script in a bigass binder for almost the entire show (sparing only the parts where i had to BULLFIGHT)#(bc i needed two hands -- one for the cape & one for the banderilla.)(yall i had to learn how to BULLFIGHT TANGO & SWORDFIGHT. in TWO DAYS)#but the audience said afterwards it was like i wasnt even on-book; they hardly noticed it was there??!!#yall this is my real life rn. im failing my classes but yknow what??#i can pull it together enough to emergency understudy in a highly physical show 2 days before opening even with a script ive never SEEN#and apparently we made people fucking CRY. HOLY SHIT!!! HOLY SHIT#this playwright is just. incredible. the script is INSANE. BEAUTIFUL & CLEVER & HILARIOUS & TERRIFYING & VILE & TENDER & TECHNICALLY PERFECT#and apparently our production is like. only the eighth time this show has EVER been produced. for real#but god EVERYONE should know about this playwright's work. fuck i actually think tumblr would really love her. holy shit.#maría irene fornés is her name -- she was a queer cuban-american playwright+director who made radical heartwrenching magical theatre#im so grateful to be doing this & SO fucking sad for the original performer im covering for... god. bc this is just such lifechanging work#this play is queer in EVERY sense. its off-putting loving repulsive peculiar passionate holy and GAY AS HELL. its real its farce its SO CAMP#((IRENE & SUSAN SONTAG DATED. SONTAG AS IN 'NOTES ON ''CAMP''' SONTAG. ITS FUCKING GORGEOUS.))#its gorgeous its gorey its glamourous its also literally the first part ive played that i think might truly fit my casting type exactly lmao#which is INSANE. bc the character is literally just described in the script as ''ISIDORE: an androgynous clown'' LMFAO#but honestly what could be more homoerotic than 2 ''men'' locked in a room together dancing tango+talking abt beetles+stabbing each other#hmm. maybe its the fact that after i stab the other guy i call him ''saint sebastian'' and then we LITERAL ACTUAL GAY KISS#which is crazy bc we only practiced that ONE TIME before opening#and youd think this shit cant get Any Gayer BUT. IT DOES. bc my scene partner+the director are gay+together irl... and uhh.#ive literally been their third. like. more than once.#ISNT THAT FUCKING INSANE. THIS IS MY REAL LIFE?? THIS IS MY REAL LIFE#ANYWAY#so now im headed back out to rehearse more before we perform it again tonight lmao#i hope it goes as well as it did last night#that audience was fucking incredible i really hope the next two like it as much as they did🤞🤞 knocking on wood#so. if u read this far. u should go find+read ''tango palace'' by maría irene fornés. mwah okay bye#bee speaks
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sinterblackwell · 10 months
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me & lily mayne have a very strange relationship as an author & one of her most devout readers because i will always love & admire mayne for her work with the monstrous series and the folk trilogy but god fucking dammit, why can i not enjoy anything else she’s written?
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ncityzen · 10 months
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I'm so old and boring but I was looking at nice plates and home decorations and just buying one (1) single one of the ones I loved was so expensive I'm literally gonna be unsatisfied the rest of my life because I'm not rich
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i need to stop giving people my instagram i think like it’s not conducive to appearing in people’s lives and then disappearing i think i should start a number/email/letterboxd only policy because i am in such a good place to meet people and then just disappear and that’s all i need from life rn and instagram is hindering me massively in that i’m literally going to start doing this
#the best interactions with people i ahve had since moving have been people who i have spoken to completely openly to and then we have never#spoken again#this is not true i get to see vicky and that’s lovely and i also have made another friend so that’s been good#but generally like idk i just dont want to be tethered to anything i dont really want#i am always going to be tethered to my family and for so long i was tethered to ballet#i just dont want it anymore i want all my moving to be my choice not my parents#the longest i have ever lived in one house is 4.5 years#how could i possibly be expected to stay in one place after all that#i just feel this incredible barrier between me and anyone except like 2 people#i cant connect to anyone and insteadof being upset about it i just feel crazy#i’m not sad or put out over it it is just how it is for me sometimes#and i do need to reply to the people i care about but at the same time it’s like what’s the point#what’s the poitn when i just feel so disconnected fundamentally from nearly everyone i have ever known#and the thing is i do want to flit in and out of peoples lives it’s not even like i want to change this#i had a beautiful conversation with this man the first week i was in uni and he was incredible to speak to and i hope i offered him some of#that too and neither of us made any move to exchange any contact details or even our names#and THATS what i want that’s what i want from my life rn#which is maybe bad for me but i think it’s all i have in me rn#which is not true really i’m not going to stop talking to my friends and im not going to not make friends probably#but it’s such a gorgeous idea and i AM good at it i am good at talking to people once and then never again#i can do that
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riddled-fingers · 2 years
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Howard Oren & his mysterious friend Brindle :3
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yunmew · 10 months
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FANTASTIC MUSICIANS
😭😭😭
#Almost 2 hours straight of Ikegai Shun's voice 😭😭#But oh my godddd they are incredible#When kids 'grow up' listening to only the best music and then *learn* from it 😭#2023.06.27#(Also I finally when to LIQUIDROOM! 😭🙏)#(I'll post music when I get back to the US)#(I also when through all my posts all my drafts (on all my blogs) looking for what I wrote the last time I saw them but it looks like I#never posted it and deleted the draft. I first saw Yahyel that one time I went to midnight sonic in 2018 but I first saw Ikegai Shun earlie#that day performing glitch with soil and pimp sessions - on a beach - with his most beautiful voice. It blew me awayyyyyy 😭😭😭 I still am#Shocked to this day I'm still moved by how beautiful that experience was 😭🙏 Then later that night at midnight sonic I was exhausted at#Like 2 am and was looking for a place to sit down and I walked past the entrance to the area where yahyel was performing and it shocked me#It was INSANE O_O some of the most incredible music I had ever heard live 😭😭😭#I went in but I was so tired so I sat down at the back and started falling asleep but there music was so awazing 😭😭😭 there was a lot#of space so everyone was dancing and growing crazy and having an amazing time and I so wanted to join them but my body was giving out and#I kept falling asleep 😭😭😭 I was so sad 😥#And then Komu_i just suddenly walked on stage and was like 'Hi~ we have a new song coming out together next month so well play it now 💕'#And it was sooooo incredible 😭😭😭 (you can imaging my shock because I had been trying to stay up all night in order to#see Wednesday Campanella at like 4 am so I just could not believe she suddenly walked out on stage for this random artist's show I#had (literally) stumbled into 😭😭😭#Man that whole experience was just so amazing and it wasn't until a few weeks later that I realized the 'something something Shun' guy who#Performed with soil and pimp was the same person as the guy from yahyel 😭😭😭😭)#(and that's my yahyel story 😅 but I'll never forget how blown away I was the first time I heard them. THEY ARE INCREDIBLE.)
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