#that was the most attention I've gotten in a while and it was scary

[reasonsforhope]

I'm sorry I'm sending so many asks. I've been struggling like this for a year now, and it's barely gotten easier, but you've often been a good help with my anxiety. I really appreciate everything you do. It's hard to have hope.

I've had a really bad moment again recently. I have to be honest, the worst thing, that makes me the most anxious out of everything else, is COVID. Because it feels like nobody is paying attention, and that there is no good news. There is never any good news. COVID is always the catalyst for the worst of my anxious slumps. It's really bad. COVID is very, very scary. If you somehow have anything for that, I'd be thankful. Often I've only been able to set my heart on nasal vaccines, or next gen vaccines in general, but they're not going fast enough whatsoever.

I'm sorry, again. I don't want to try and treat you like a therapist. I just trust you. If this is too overwhelming, you can just delete it, but if you do, I'd like to know. Just so I'm not waiting for it to be answered.

I just ravaged through someone's doomy collapse blog, again, after stumbling on it in my rising anxiousness, and it was not good. I think I'm clearly too open-minded of a person to some degree, and I feel so pulled around by information that I see. I don't want to be placated, out of the loop, or lied to, but I don't want to feel hopelessly depressed. Everything is too complex. I feel like I've been through this maze, top to bottom, over and over again, and again. I just wish I knew how much truth their words held, or anyone else's words held.

And I wish we were all masking, at the very least. I'm holding myself back from swearing. I don't know if you'd have a good way to counteract general "collapse" thoughts, either. But that's also a thing.

<3 I'm touched by your trust.

I just found some good news about COVID - the first genuinely good covid-related news article I've seen in a while, instead of all of the "ah but young abled people are fine!" bs - and remembered this ask.

"As new varieties of the coronavirus took center stage during the COVID-19 pandemic, the odds of developing long COVID dropped. Those who were vaccinated against the virus saw the biggest plunge over time.

For every 1,000 unvaccinated people, 104 developed long COVID up to one year after an infection during the pre-delta phase of the pandemic. That fell to 95 per 1,000 during the delta variant’s era and 78 during omicron’s reign. Among vaccinated people, just 53 out of 1,000 developed long COVID up to a year after infection during delta and only 35 during omicron, researchers report July 17 [2024] in the New England Journal of Medicine.

The study of U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs Health Care System data looked at people who had a COVID infection from March of 2020 — the month the pandemic began — to the end of January in 2022. The researchers, from the Veterans Affairs St. Louis Health Care System, compared the rates of long COVID during three phases of the pandemic among those who had and had not gotten vaccinated...

A comparison of omicron infections with infections from prior eras found that 72 percent of the drop in the long COVID rate during omicron was attributable to vaccines. The remainder was due to changes in the virus and improvements in medical care and the use of antiviral treatments during the omicron phase.

Even with the steep decline in the occurrence of long COVID for vaccinated people, there is still a risk, the researchers write. With “the large numbers of ongoing new infections and reinfections, and the poor uptake of vaccination,” they continue, this “may translate into a high number of persons” with long COVID."

-via ScienceNews, July 17, 2024

--

Masking continues to be important. The virus continues to be a problem. But especially given the decline in masking, I'm really encouraged to see this news. Because long covid IS scary. And I'll take any good news on this front that I can get.

It's especially encouraging because it shows how much staying on top of your vaccinations really does matter and really can prevent long covid.

I'm also really hopeful (though I don't have a related background and have no idea how realistic my hopes are) that this trend has been continuing past the end of the study (2022).

[bunicate]

Mimi!!! *comes running in* I have missed you so muchhhh ( ╥ω╥ ), I'm finishing up my spring semester for uni rn so I've been so busy I haven't gotten to see how u are υ´• ﻌ •`υ.

I come back with an offering of daddy! Zayne however ૮ ꈍﻌ ꈍა.

sowwy if its not very good their mostly rambles U^U...

you're his darling little daughter, the apple of his eye. The only woman to capture and hold his attention always tempting him to fall into deeper and deeper depravity. but it's not your fault! oh no, no, no you're his sweet, innocent, naive daughter you don't know anything about the scary world outside! It starts off small and inconspicuous having you sit in his lap while he runs one of his hands up and down your thigh inching closer to your private parts as you try not squirm and make noise inside his office. And of course not just any doctor is allowed to look and care for his precious daughter so of course he's the one to do your checkups! cupping your breast and massaging them making sure their growing properly and squeezing the fat between his fingers as he nuzzles into your neck, your pussy is no exception. having you propped up on his desk as you hold your legs open his fingers slowly pumping in and out, as his eyes focus intently on the way you ooze and squeeze around his digits, your voice a sweet sympathy to his ears as you beg for your daddy's cock to fill you up, cause you've been quiet while at his job like he asked. And when you behave and let him do his checkup you need to be rewarded for being such a good girl. new short skimpy skirts and low cut blouses for you to wear around the house for his eyes only, cute flowy lingerie that he carefully takes apart as he lathes kisses on your breasts and pussy at home as you lay on the bed letting daddy take care of you. he spends his free weekends just buried in your pussy leaving you whimpering and cock drunk when he stuffs you full with his load over and over again listening to you babble and slur your words. letting you rub your clothed pussy on his thigh while he looks over reports at home and even at the hospital, giving you his fingers to suckle on before he lets you have his cock, always indulging in whatever your little darling heart desires <3.

-❄️

this is so tempting to write a gross fic for . zayne is actually a dream come true bcuz he rlly is the most perfie daddie ever. inspection kink has to be his favorite . i think he’s a bit stern abt it too.

“you’re feeling sick aren’t you ?” he says it slowly , voice all pretti and smooth with his hand touching you tummy.

you’re just in your room busy reading a book, perfectly abled, but tht can wait. daddy said you’re sick and he must be right, daddy is always right. and now that you think it about it, your belly is doing that thing where it butterflies erupt in sync with the twitch between your thighs.

“yeah, m’ stomach feels all weird.”

and you just know that daddie has the perfect thing to fix it. he’s gnna ruin ur guts

[descendant-of-truth]

What I like about this scene is how it tricks you into thinking it's just here for a quick laugh when it's actually the beginning of a surprisingly deep look into part of Rockman's character - specifically, how he handles lying.

See, Rockman's never really... lied in this show before, I don't think. He doesn't usually have a reason to, but even then I would describe him as being honest to a fault.

But when put under the pressure to seem cool to Trill, a young child who idolizes him, he cracks and tells probably the most bold-faced lie of his life: that he was totally not scared by a monster movie. He's never been scared of anything! Hasn't even screamed once!

And it's. such a goofy lie to tell?? It works on Trill because he's like five years old, but to the viewer who knows him better than that, it just comes off as a funny, harmless thing to say.

Rockman does not see it as either of those things.

To him, it's not cute that Trill takes him at his word by virtue of being a young child who doesn't know any better. If anything, that's part of the problem; maybe if Trill didn't believe him and just teased him about it instead, he wouldn't have to worry about lying so much. But as it stands, Trill is believing a lie, and it eats at Rockman throughout the episode.

And at this point you kinda start to guess how the rest of it is going to go down. Rockman will eventually come clean to Trill, who's gonna say that Rockman is still cool even if he screams at scary movies, and they'll all have a big laugh and move on.

This is not what happens.

Instead, Rockman digs his heels into the lie further, stopping himself from screaming every time Trill tries to scare him (which is a realistic toddler thing to do if I've ever seen one), until he eventually loses his trademark patience and yells at him to cut it out.

And in a move that defies the usual expectation of setup and payoff, Rockman never actually. tells Trill that he lied. and there's a part of me that's bothered by that, but what we get in exchange is so interesting to me that I can't help but feel it makes up for it.

Something to note is that, throughout this episode, it's stated that Trill likely sees Rockman as an older brother, and so he's affectionately referred to as "big brother" by Roll a few times in a teasing sort of way.

It's all fun and sweet and par for the course; I think everyone knew that Trill was going to act as a younger brother to Rockman as soon as he was introduced, so having characters bring attention to it isn't unusual. And Rockman doesn't really comment on it either way... until Netto calls him that at the end of the episode.

This. this is the scene that really makes me go insane. just absolutely bonkers

Because like, okay. listen. this is only episode four of the season. it's not at all surprising that Rockman doesn't consider himself to be Trill's brother, because he's known him for all of three days and he's only been talking for one of them.

But that phrasing.

If he had just left it at "I'm not his big brother," we'd all have a nice chuckle and go "sure buddy, I'd like to see you say that by the end of this season." But he has a qualifier for WHY he's not Trill's brother, and it's because he lied to him. about not being scared of a movie.

And notice how matter-of-factly he says this, too. Remember how troubled he was earlier by the fact he had lied at all? Well it seems that, after perpetuating that lie for the rest of the episode, he's gotten past those doubts and reached acceptance in the idea that... he's lost his brother privileges.

Suddenly we've learned something very interesting about how Rockman handles lying, and it's that, while he's surprisingly capable of keeping a lie up, he finds that even one as innocent as this makes him disqualified from being Trill's family.

Which is Totally Normal and Not at All Concerning Behavior

But you know what. we can make it worse.

Imagine with me, for a moment, that all of the Saito Lore from the games remains true in the anime. If that was the case, then Netto still hasn't been told about it this many seasons in, making it a secret that Rockman keeps every day - a lie of omission.

What if the reason Netto hasn't been told about it for this long, the reason it seems so easy for Rockman to never bring it up, is because he's long since decided that he's not Netto's brother anymore.

"After all, I did lie to him."

And it just keeps going because if we decide to take that angle with it, then it suddenly becomes a lot more pointed that Yuuichiro is the one to assure Rockman that lying to your little brother is Sometimes Okay, Actually

Like of course he would say this, the guy who encouraged Rockman to lie to Netto in the first place in order to keep up the image of being a Reliable NetNavi

Don't get me wrong, it's a really interesting character trait for Rockman to have even without adding game context to it, but using Trill as a parallel to Netto in this scenario adds a special something to the whole thing that I'm never going to be able to stop thinking about

[autismasgore]

i'm leaving the fandom

so i already posted about this on twitter with a shorter explanation but after a long while of being in the undertale fandom, i've decided to distance myself from it. i'm not sure if i'll ever make a public return on any of these accounts, but for now i've decided that i feel this is what's best for me mentally.

i'm kind of surprised i haven't already, to be honest, but i guess for a good while i was able to focus on the passion and love i had for the game. nowadays, i've been finding it harder and harder to interact with the fandom as a whole - for a multitude of reasons really.

many of you are already aware i went through a stalking incident over asgore discourse, which lasted from late 2019 to 2023. it was the most traumatizing years of my life, and i don't even remember a time where i actually felt at peace with myself during those years. the only time i remember being happy was pouring all of my focus onto undertale even harder, just to try and cope with what was going on. it didn't help that at the time, my abusive family was blaming me for being stalked and telling me i was just doing this all for attention and that i loved the "drama" of it.

i really didn't want to do this, because it feels like such a huge betrayal of everything i've loved for so long (hi, i'm autistic and undertale was my special interest, in case you haven't noticed yet LOL) but at this point i associate too many traumatic memories with undertale, specifically the fandom.

since getting more into steven universe and browsing the fandom casually it made me realise just how toxic the undertale fandom is as a community right now. i mean, let's be real, it's always been this way, but i feel like it's gotten a whole lot more worse lately - more insane.

it honestly felt like such a huge breath of fresh air to go into a fandom tag that Didn't have any toxic sludge or people discoursing about liking certain characters (cough Asgore cough) and whether or not that makes you a bad person. it felt like total whiplash, seeing people discussing a show they liked and sharing fanart instead of seeing constant discourse about it.

i've also been seeing a lot of my friends go through absolute fucking bullshit lately, and it's honestly really stressful because it felt like my stalker incident was becoming a more popularized and public sentiment in the fandom. which... honestly is scary to me. people are becoming more openly hostile, more openly insane with their accusations. i've been trying to remain hopeful and optimistic about the fandom, but the more things that have happened, the less hopeful i feel.

i don't want to be in this sort of community. i don't want to be in a community where people feel glee in hurting others, tearing other people down and slinging around serious accusations because it makes them feel powerful.

i want to be in a community/fandom that makes me feel actual joy, and not a constant source of stress.

there's also another reason why i decided to distance myself online rn as well, and it's not really related, but it was enough that i feel incredibly uncomfortable going by the name "pixie" rn.

last year, a youtuber i knew decided to put me on blast and straight up called me an abuse apologist and that i should be avoided at all costs, all bc i quietly distanced myself from posting publicly about the situation and decided to avoid jumping to conclusions.

i don't entirely blame them, since there's definitely things i feel i could have done better, but a lot of what they said was already privately resolved between us, and they left a lot of that out in order to paint a false narrative about me. i mean they literally had saved hundreds of deleted posts from my deleted old social media accounts. i know this because they've done this before with other people. i also know that this comes from a place of hurt and anger, they're lashing out at a community they felt hurt by, but their way of coping with it isn't healthy.

because they had thousands of followers, i started getting a ton of harassment, from people saying i wasn't trustworthy and calling me an abuse apologist, and even private nasty dms i don't really want to get into.

i didn't say anything at the time bc i was worried i'd come across as attention seeking/manipulative but. i became straight up actively suicidal after this. i was convinced nothing was going to ever get better for me and that i was an active danger to everyone. my mum ended up dragging me all the way to the city literally just to buy me the macbook i wanted in order to try and cheer me up, and even then i felt so depressed that i felt like i didn't have anything to look forward to. honestly the only thing that really kept me going was my friends privately supporting me.

to put it short, it felt like a repeat of my stalker situation and i don't feel comfortable going by pixie anymore because i associate so much trauma with that name right now. i feel like so many people who don't have good faith intentions know me as that name, more than people i'm friends with.

i don't even know if i'll ever post on social media ever again, or at least not in the way i used to. if i do end up making a new social media with a new rebrand, you won't hear from me about it. i want to be more private now.

tl;dr if you're still reading this, thank you for sticking by me for so long. this ended up being a lot longer than i anticipated, but i think i'm done with the name "pixie", and i think i'm done with the undertale fandom for now.

i know i'll be able to move on into a better place once i move forward to this chapter.

thanks for the memories.

[freakartack]

hmmmm any volt head canons

VOLTAGE TIME ok so obligatory Papa Volt retread just to get him out of the way. OK now that Papa Volt is done let's move on to the other guys.

18-Volt

-Doing him first because he's my favorite. Anyways 18-volt is an awesome kid because

-Like most other children in Warioware, he has kind of a lonely family situation. He's only ever talked about his mom, who is away a lot as he is able to play video games late into the night unsupervised (unlike the ever-vigilant 9-volt). So it seems like he is kind of a latchkey kid most of the time.

-As a result, he ends up sleeping over 9-volt's house a lot, and he's also kind of glommed onto 5-volt as a friend to boot ("Hi 9-Volt's Mom"). They both canonically have a passion for gardening, so I can imagine they bond over that and she gives him gardening advice and whatnot. Maybe if NINE VOLT wasn't afraid of getting his hands dirty he could join in the fun but alas

-Because of his growth condition, he's gotten a lot of shit in school in the past. As such, he is extremely quick to come to the defense of kids in need; he stood up to 13-amp when she was picking on ralphie, and then extended an olive branch to 13-amp when he realized she was just a troubled kid. This also mirrors how 9-volt befriended 18-volt when no one else would, so it is kind of beautiful in this way. These are some stand-up kids!

-Is way less adventurous than 9-Volt; he went skateboarding with him exactly once and hated it

-Mains Captain Falcon in smash and says "FALCON PUNCH" out loud

5-Volt

-I love that her character card in g&w says "age unknown" and then immediately tells you that she grew up in the 80s

-I also think that the rest of her wardrobe was similarly radical. I've been meaning to draw Young 5-Volt for a while so you might see her soon

-Was the apex predator of her local arcade back in the day

-Contrary to her moveset in Get It Together!, I don't think she has any supernatural powers beyond being scary as fuck. Pay no attention to the woman behind the TV

-Mains ROB in smash and kills people with him in real life

9-Volt

-The entirety of his retro game collection was inherited from his mother; he doesn't know what eBay is

-Has grown his adult front teeth in since Mega Microgames

-Has said "FIRE" so many times that orbulon accidentally picked up on it in smooth moves

-Mains Pikachu in smash and spams down+B the whole match

Fronk

-Unlike Orbulon and the space hares, I can't even begin to speculate on what the fuck he is. I think he has an exoskeleton. I think he is ovoviviparous. I think his distant ancestors were from space and he comes from a long line of rapidly-reproducing alien animals that somehow gained sapience along the way. It is extremely hard to keep up with Fronk Lore because they are constantly dropping bombshells. Do you know he has a wife and kid

-Mains Marth

[sudokufag]

Mmm it's something I've always wanted a chance to talk about but have never gotten a real chance to online or in real life but since it's disability pride month and all

I wanna give a huge shoutout to people with phobias. (long post ahead)

I feel like phobias aren't talked about nearly as much as they should be in mental health spaces. We talk a lot about people's triggers related to traumatic events, but we don't really cover what it's like to have a trigger from a phobia.

Phobias can come from trauma, but just as many times that happen for no reason at all. Sometimes a slightly uncomfortable, embarrassing or spooky one time occurance buries itself into your mind for no reason at all and it just stays there because the human mind is funny and often slips up.

There's not really a community for phobias, if you look up your phobia online you will be flooded with really triggering images, you can't search any tags online because those tags exist to censor triggers, not to form a community. (not to say that those tags aren't important ofc they are) The closest I've seen is the tag "actual phobia" in Tumblr but this seems small and drowned out by fandom posts somehow.

Phobias are hard and exhausting. They effect you in ways that people wouldn't expect and you cant really explain. They can be humiliating to have: kids in middle school intentionally would trigger my phobia because they didn't understand the severity until I fainted onto the floor. I'm an adult by my mom has to hold my hand and head at the doctors office so I don't break down like a child, the worst was when I had to get my covid shot and confused children and judgemental elderly people alike stared at me in the midst of my meltdown.

Phobias are very isolating. That new movie everyone raves about has triggering subjects right on the poster and no one really thinks to tag it while it's trending. That video game looks right up my alley, but oh, it triggers my phobia and theres no way to censor it in the settings. You try to tell friends and family about your issues as they halfway pay attention as they file your fears under the same urgency "needs to ask their partner to kill the spider". If you've got an uncommon or silly sounding phobia, you will straight up get laughed at for expressing your fear, even in what should be really progressive and accepting places.

It's hard to really describe a meltdown to someone who's never had them. Phobias often make people cry and scream and kick involuntarily, we can vomit and drop in blood sugar and have migraines and faint. To say that it's the feeling of walls closing in on you is to only put in the slightest terms. When I have a meltdown, I feel like I am dying. It's the most pain and fear you can feel, reverting you back into a confused childlike state, and the only reprieve I can get is knowing that I 15 minutes I will feel better if a little tired and I will get to drink a coke with a silly straw as congratulations for making it through.

Lots of people will give you a flat and unsympathetic "get help." even when they're typically progressive enough to know it's rude to say that to people suffering from things like depression. It applies to us too! It's damn hard to get a therapist already, even harder to feel ready to look a phobia in the eye. Signing up for exposure therapy is a very scary thing to do.

So to anyone reading this with a phobia or phobias:

Weather being the very common ones or ones so rare and niche that you aren't taken seriously, and God help you on avoiding triggers

Being unable to enter doctors offices or grocery stores or the post office without shaking in fear

Those whole also struggle with OCD too and have intrusive thoughts about their phobias, triggering them even when sitting alone in their room

Those who's circle doesn't take their phobia very seriously and feels lost and alone when triggered

For those who have been hospitalized or institutionalized because of their phobia

You're not alone! And all feelings, even the very worst feelings, always will come to pass.

I wish that there was a community around phobias the same way there is for my conditions ADHD and anxiety, so we could learn coping mechanisms and better understand ourselves as people through each other's experiences. I'm not sure how that'd work or what that'd look like, but the best way I can think of to get started is to post things like these!

*feel free to share you experience if you want to in the tags

[ghost-in-the-hall]

Spooky (Swiss x GN! Reader FLUFF)

(A/N Hey guys, so this fic was inspired by a tik tok from @mysanityleaving on tik tok and Tumblr, this was a lot of fun to write, sorry it's late things have been crazy. I hope you like it!)

You sat quietly amongst a group of your siblings of sin, lazily picking at your lunch while you had a few minutes of down time. "I'm just saying, he's absolutely terrifying!" One of them exclaims.

"Mountain? He's not scary, he barely speaks. If you should be scared of anyone it should be Sodo." Another one of them says with a laugh. They did have a point of being scared of Sodo, you heard he bites.

"How about you (Y/N)? Who do you think the spookiest ghoul is?" A small group of Copia's ghouls caught your attention as they walked past your table, giving your group small waves and nods of acknowledgment as they passed by.

"Swiss," you respond suddenly, "he's too charming, I feel like he can be scary when he wants to be." You couldn't help but let out an amorous sigh at the sight of said ghouls bright smile. You checked the time, shooting up when you realized how late it had gotten. "Shit, I'm gunna be late. Primo wants me to help collect herbs for the kitchen." You hurriedly grabbed your things, rushing past the group of ghouls, and apologizing profusely as you rushed off for knocking into Swiss' shoulder. You crashed through the garden gate, throwing your things down on the ground by one of the sheds. "Papa! Sorry I'm late!" You ran down the path to where the plot of herbs was to find Primo standing with the last person you expected to see. "Ah, (Y/N), there you are. I've unfortunately been called away to a meeting with my brothers, Copia has sent Swiss to help you collect herbs for the kitchen." Swiss saunters in your direction, his gaze set on you.

"(Y/N), it's good to see you again." His smile shines brightly in contrast to his mask. You instinctively cross your arms in front of you, his whole presence left you feeling vulnerable.

"Hi Swiss," your voice was shaking slightly as you addressed him, "Papa, do you think you'll be back anytime soon?" You knew you weren't in any danger around Swiss, out of all of the ghouls he was one of the most outwardly caring and protective. However, there was something about being alone with him that terrified you.

"I should only be gone an hour or two il mio bambino, I know we have a lot to discuss about the new plants you want to start caring for." Primo's gaze instantly switched over to Swiss. "You better behave yourself while I'm not here, do I make myself clear."

"Crystal." Swiss responds almost instantly. "You don't have to worry Primo, I have only the intentions of helping (Y/N) the best I can." He grins at you. 

"You come get me if anything's wrong, we'll be in Secundo's office in the west wing." Primo gives you a reassuring pat on the shoulder as he passed you. The second he was out of view you felt Swiss' gaze immediately locked on you again. You motion for him to follow you, mindlessly rattling off the list of all the different herbs you needed to collect as you led him to the plot you needed to be on. "You can start on collecting the bundles of rosemary I'll start collecting the bundles of thyme."

He chuckles slightly, "you're a lot braver than I thought you'd be." He squats down in front of the time, clipping off sections and placing them into a basket.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Your whole body was hyper aware of his presence next to you. He hums mostly to himself.

"Don't think we don't hear all of you talking about us." He grins over at you. "Why would I make you so uncomfortable?" He carefully creeped over to your side, you instantly felt like you were starting to sweat.

"Maybe... Maybe it has to do with your reputation..." You glance up at him out of the corner of your eye. Swiss' head slowly cocks to the side, he was studying you.

"I have a reputation?" His smile only grew as your words inflated his ego. You sighed, allowing your full attention to finally be placed on him.

"They feel your music... The lyrics... Are..."

"Spooky?" He cut you off, his fangs glinting in the sunlight as he continues to grin at you. He shoots you an almost innocent look, "Do you think I'm spooky?" Your breath felt like it was caught in your throat, your head filled with nothing but static as the image of Swiss in front of you began to occupy your very being.

"Swiss, you scare the hell out of me in the best way possible." You clear your throat, turning back to the task at hand. You didn't even have to look at him to know that the ghouls eyes were drilling into you.

"You have no reason to be afraid of me (Y/N)." He slinks back over to his section. "I'd never lay my hands on someone in any way they didn't consent to." He winks at you causing you to blush slightly. The time passed by rather effortlessly with Swiss. He could make you laugh very easily and he loved to tell stories, he told you all about what his life on the road with Copia was like. "You know, I was really worried you weren't going to like me."

"Why did you think that?" Swiss gently took your basket from you, carrying it back towards the kitchen.

"I know me being a ghoul and all can be a little... Unsettling."  He sets the baskets down and takes your hands in his. "But you're someone I have always been watching out for. I want you to feel safe when you're with me."

"Is everything alright il mio bambino?" Neither of you had noticed that Primo was back from his meeting.

"Yes Papa, Swiss and I were just about to head into the kitchen." You glanced down only to see that Swiss was still holding your hands in his, you quickly yanked them back to your side. Primo glances in between the two of you.

"Swiss, see to it they have dinner. They forget to eat when they get busy." His gaze shifted to you. "I want you in my office immediately after morning mass tomorrow, we need to discuss your ideas for the garden."

"Of course, thank you Papa." You nod in agreement.

"I'll make sure they get dinner, don't worry. I'll cook for them myself if I have to." Primo still seemed reluctant to let you leave alone with Swiss. You knew why, in Primo's opinion Copia's Ghouls didn't know their place, he thought the way they acted was way out of line. When you explained how you thought they added so much more life to the rituals, his response was one you had grown used to hearing at this point. "Well, I am just a silly old man now, I'm sure you know better than me." To which you would always tell Primo he's not that old.

"You two have fun." Without another word Primo turns and walks further into the garden. Swiss effortlessly picked up the baskets once more. The two of you engaging in delightful conversation the whole way to the kitchen. For having one of the wildest reputations Swiss was surprisingly soft spoken. He handed off the herbs, the siblings of sin working in the kitchen seemed a bit flustered that they were dealing with Swiss face to face. They thank him before rushing off, his attention back on you.

"Right." He claps his hands together. "The old man wants me to make sure that you eat, so we're going to get dinner."

"Swiss, we're not supposed to leave the Abbey." You say in a hushed tone, if the wrong person overheard you you'd be in trouble for even thinking of leaving.

"Who said we were leaving the Abbey? Come on, I think you'll have fun." He grabs your hand with a smile. You follow him deep into the Abbey, you weren't even sure if you had ever been in this part of the building. "Welcome to the Ghouls quarters." He pulled you through a doorway to what appeared to be a common room of sorts. Cumulus, Cirrus, and Sunshine were all going over performance notes Aether was attempting to help Sodo study, and Mountain and Rain we're currently cooking in their small kitchen.

"Swiss, there you are man!" Aether calls across the room. "Sibling, welcome."

"Guys, this is (Y/N), I've helped them with some tasks Primo has given them before, and I've been tasked with making sure they have dinner." There was an excited murmur around the room.

"Well what the hell are you two standing around for? Get in here and get comfortable!" Sodo exclaims. Swiss ushers you in with a laugh, conversation picking up in the room. You decided to sit at one of the stools at the counter, interested to see what Rain and Mountain we're cooking.

"You're the first sibling that's ever come down here." Mountain says as he effortlessly tossed the food in the pan. "How does it feel knowing you're cooler than everyone else?" He grins at you and you can't help but laugh.

"Well, it's definitely a lot different down here than I thought it would be." Rain planted himself next to Mountain, wanting to join in on the conversation.

"How so?" He finally chimes in.

"None of the siblings really know a lot about you, aside from what we see at rituals. I always thought you guys would be super intense, intimidating, scary. But, being down here with all of you, it's surprisingly... Warm." You jumped slightly when Swiss materializes beside you, his hands now resting gently in your shoulders.

"The ladies were wondering if they could steal you for a moment." He motions over to where Cumulus, Cirrus, and Sunshine were sitting, they were looking over at you excitedly. You nod, Swiss helps you down from your stool and sends you on your way, staying back to talk to Mountain and Rain.

"(Y/N), it's so nice to finally meet you." Cirrus pulls you into a hug. "Swiss has told us so much about you!"

"Really?" You can't stop your gaze from drifting over to the Ghoul, "he has?"

All three of them nod, "ever since he helped you for the first time in the garden he hasn't shut up about you." Cumulus says with a small laugh. "We were all wondering how long it was going to take for him to bring you down here."

"Dinner!" Mountain suddenly calls out. You witness Aether grab Sodo by the collar just as he was about to bolt for the food.

"We have a guest!" He chastises, pulling the smaller Ghoul backwards. "(Y/N), I'll hold him back until you're done, don't worry about him biting you." He says with a chuckle. You hurriedly grabbed your food, Sodo's growling making you nervous. Once you were out of the way Sodo bolted forward, piling food onto his plate while everyone else tried to shove him out of the way so they could get something. Swiss grabbed your hand, pulling you into the chair next to him as everyone settled in for dinner.

"So, you talk about me a lot, huh?" Swiss almost choked on his drink at your question.

"Who said that?" You gave him a knowing look. "That's why they wanted to talk to you. I'm sorry, I don't want you to think I'm weird." You grab his hand.

"You're not weird Swiss." His eyes study your face for a moment.

"I'm really glad you came." He gives your hand a gentle squeeze.

"(Y/N), you work in the garden with Primo right?" Aether asks, the night passed by quickly. You felt entirely at home with the table of Ghouls. They asked you about your life at the Abbey, as well as getting to know you as a person. Before you knew it, it was midnight. You said goodnight to your new friends and Swiss accompanied you back to your dorm. 

"So, do you still think we're spooky?" You smile down at your feet, trying to hide your blushing form from Swiss.

"No, definitely not spooky. I haven't had that much fun in a while." You had never been out in the halls this late. It was silent except for the sound of yours and Swiss' footsteps on the marble floors.

"You're welcome back anytime you'd like... And I'm really hoping you'll come back to see me." You both smiled at each other, walking the rest of the way back to your room in a comfortable silence. The two of you stood in opposite sides of your door. "Well, I guess this is goodnight."

"Unfortunately." You swayed slightly on your heels. "I had a really good time tonight."

"So did I." You both stood there in silence for another moment. Both of you searching desperately for something to say.

"Goodnight, Swiss." You say with a small smile, slowly opening your door.

"Goodnight, (Y/N)." He gives you a small smile. You start to head into your room when Swiss quietly says your name. You turn to back to him, his lips crashing into yours. You let out a surprised squeak, gently getting pushed back into the wall. You grabbed Swiss by his collar pulling him as close to you as possible. You suddenly felt the fabric slip from your fingers, Swiss making some distance between the two of you. "If you need any help in the garden tomorrow make sure to give me a call." He grins at you. "I'll see you soon sweetheart." You giggled slightly to yourself, after today you didn't think Swiss was so spooky anymore.

[purgemarchlockdown]

Milgram and The Prince

(A Companion to my Rose Bride post you can read here, not necessary to read as I reestablish all the necessary points I made there here but it be nice to see another person read it) (CWs: Unhealthy Power Dynamics, Sexism, Discussions of Ownership in the context of Marriage, allusions to sexual abuse)

(Spoilers for Utena!)

So, as I discussed in the post linked above. In Revolutionary Girl Utena, There is a dichotemy between a Prince and Princess, with Princesses being (in the shortest way I can explain it) an unrealistic and unhealthy expectation for women to fit into a role that Lacks Autonomy and Power, and if they don't they get demonized and branded as a Witch, and Princes is an unrealistic and unhealthy expectation for men to have Complete Power, Autonomy and Control over Princess.

When we get into the Rose Bride we delve into the ideas of ownership, abuse and demonization, as the Rose Bride should Obey Whatever Their Betrothed Tells Them To Do. This Prince is who we are focusing on for this post.

"She looks gallant in a guy's uniform, but she looks perfect in a dress, too!"

Let's start off with Mikoto and John, as they're the best jumping off point when talking about the dynamic of the Prince and the Rose Bride.

Now, while the Rose Bride (and princesses) as a Role is very traditionally feminine and rooted in gender and well, misogyny. Mikoto actually has been heavily Associated with traditionally feminine characteristics and stereotypes. (Mikoto Interrogations)

T1Q4: Do you pay attention to fashion? A: Of course. No one would want to request something from a designer with no fashion sense, right?

T1Q10: Have you ever gotten angry at other people? A: I don't think I've gotten angry before. Isn't it kind of disgraceful to get angry?

Me, the newborn other you

In Isolation, these characteristics don't hint at anything, however when them put together, plus idea that John was "born" from Mikoto and how he even gets tied into with the rest of the girls by how he repeats his T1 Title and is the Only Guy that does so creates a interesting association with Mikoto and Femininity.

Not only that but Mikoto is Heavily Sexualized In MeMe.

A detail that's strange when even Yuno, who Wears Lingerie in Teardrop. Doesn't get sexualized in the same way Mikoto does. When Mikoto is on screen in MeMe the camera is Gazing at him. Watching him take off his shirt and bathe.

(Utena Scripts)

Anthy:  The one I'm engaged to can do as he pleases with me.

People haven noted that MeMe and Mikoto references a lot of classic horror and I'd like to mention that, not only is dying in a shower a common trope, especially in horror. It's a death that commonly happens to Women. To the point where, the TVTropes Page for Deadly Bath comments on it.

Whenever it's a killer or monster that's the cause of death, the victim is always a woman for some reason.

MeMe seems to be mainly referencing the 1960s Alfred Hitchcock film Psycho, and the most well known scene from the film is the murder of a woman in the shower.

Plus, said murderer, a character with a Very Demonized and Inaccurate Portrayal of DID, is also a transphobic stereotype who kills his mom and then dresses up as her to pretend that she's Still There.

Stepping aside the Many Issues with Psycho's Portrayal of DID and transphobia for a bit, these are More Examples of Mikoto being associated with Femininity.

But it doesn't even end there! Mikoto feels like a bystander in his own life, he's on a train going nowhere in Double. He's predicting his own fate in MeMe. He has no clue where his life is going and part of it is in the hand of someone he knows Nothing About. It's scary and terrifying and his agency is minimal and he doesn't even know who he really is at this point.

Why am I here? It must be a mistake? Take a good look at me Until you find me Why, hey why, I’m nowhere to be found So I will NEVER forgive you if this is happening to me even though I’m right Why, hey why, please let me out of here Please tell me it’s a mistake, that’s it’s a lie

I'd like to mention before I continue that Rypirotes actually pointed out this Exact Thing before! That Mikoto is the Damsel in Distress and John is his Heroic Knight. Or in my case, Mikoto is the Rose Bride, and John is the Prince.

Miki:  Her eyes are telling me... Miki:  that she wants to be set free. Miki:  I will protect you... Miki:  I will protect your beautiful sound, Himemiya-san!

Now the thing about the Princess/Prince dynamic in Utena is that it actually mirrors a dynamic present in Milgram, the Victim/Savior one. I mention this a bit in my Rose Bride post but I'm going to expand on it a bit more here.

We, the audience are very familiar with John positioning himself as Mikoto's savior, it's one of the first lines of Double we ever Heard.

Cling to me, hoist me up as your “savior”

Of course as we know Mikoto has been very Distressed about John and his presence. The loss of time and memory and control and the fear of not being the real "him" haunting him. Making him portray John in a more villainous and evil light.

John is pretty upset about this, but less because he's being portrayed as a villain (though that frustration of trying so hard and yet being feared is a part of it) and more because he feels like he Ruined Mikoto's Life in his attempts to save him.

If only I were never born, if only Why, why I’m so sorry.

Utena:  Instead, I just kept on pretending to be the Prince who could save you. Utena:  I was just being conceited about protecting you.

As we know, John's statements in Neoplasma are Unreliable, as he seemingly tries to shift all the blame of the murders to him in an effort to protect Mikoto since he was Born to Do That.

(Neoplasma)

John: That’s right. I’ll have to disappear eventually, anyway… Disappear, and take all of it with me. I… was born to protect Boku, after all.

The problem is not John wanting to protect Mikoto. It's that John in the attempt to protect Mikoto, harms him. It's not out of malice or some inherent flaw in his birth or anything like that. It's because John treats Mikoto as powerless.

John: It’s true that I was the one who wanted to destroy everything… and the weakness of Boku, who couldn’t stand up for himself all alone, might have been the origin of that. But… that’s all there is to it. Is that a sin?

While John puts Mikoto on a pedestal he also believes Mikoto to be weaker and needing protection, and no matter how True that statement may be, the way he helps Mikoto makes him feel powerless, confused and like a bystander in his own life.

Anthy:  Because I'm the Rose Bride...because I'm a doll with no heart... Anthy:  I thought that no matter what befell my body, my heart wouldn't feel the pain.

Welcome home, another day, another day with that hardly barely there of a smile You’re overdoing it, you’re already broken

John doesn't want to hurt Mikoto, he really doesn't. He just doesn't know what else he could Possibly do, he was made to take all of this on. That's what a Prince does.

Saionji:  So you want to be the prince who saves the helpless princess?

So he pushes people away, hides things from Mikoto, and so on. Because even though he doesn't really know what Mikoto wants from him, he believes this is the only way to help him. (Thank you Laniemae for drawing his paranoia in particular to my attention!)

Utena:  When you were suffering so much...when I had said we should save each other... Utena:  I'M the one who's unfair. I'm the one who's dirty. Utena:  I'm the one who betrayed you.

Hey, I just wanted to save you So why did it come to this?

Which just makes Mikoto's feelings of powerless worse and causes him confusion, worry and stress. And when that reaches a breaking point, John will need to clean up whatever mess gets left behind and the cycle starts again.

The dynamic of the Rose Bride and the Prince is one built on a Horrific Power Imbalance. You don't want to be The Rose Bride, and you don't want to be The Prince either.

"Instead of a princess to be protected, I want to become a dashing prince."

It might be strange to have Kotoko here when the Prince as an archetype both in and out of Utena is associated with men, however the thing about Kotoko is that she idealizes The Prince.

Voice:  but because of the strength of her admiration for the prince, Voice:  the princess made up her mind to become a prince herself! Voice:  But is that really good for her?

Now let's get something out of the way before I start this section, Kotoko has gone On Record saying she isn't exactly attached to the concept of femininity. (Kotoko Interrogations)

T1Q10: What do you think about the word 'feminimity'? A: It's one of the means you can take. It's something you can freely choose depending on the scene, so it's not something to cling onto.

This is Perfectly Fine Actually, as is Utena wearing the boys uniform and having "masculine" interests. Every time we see Utena in girl's clothes in RGU it is when she's at her lowest point and being denied who she is.

The problem is not that they present outside of the gender binary/aren't attached to it, but that they idolize Unhealthy Ideals that Reinforce a hierarchy of power.

Anyways, as established with John, The Prince as a role is one built on having power over someone. By positioning yourself as someone's "savior" you hold power over them and, even if you don't want to, harm them as a result.

Kotoko has seen the world to be cruel and unfair and the systems in place to not be enough to keep law in order. She's frustrated by how powerless she is and acts to make the world "better."

Utena:  You don't see Himemiya as anything but the Rose Bride either, do you? Touga:  Is that wrong? Utena:  It is wrong! Utena:  Cut it out with that "Rose Bride" or "possession" nonsense.

(Task)

Kotoko: Yes. I hate evil. Hurting innocent people with violence, taking away from others, killing people… I hate all this evil behaviour! The law being unable to judge some sins, there's too many of these cases in this world. Having clearly bullied and torturing the weak, but exploiting loopholes in laws, there's so many sinners who still live in such a carefree manner!

It seems like Kotoko might have some unresolved and buried trauma here, as while Kotoko herself says she wasn't bullied. She also stated that when she was already the person she was now back when she was around Amane's age.

T1Q18: Have you ever been bullied in the past? A: No. Are people who've had such pasts the only ones who're allowed to hate evil?

20/6/18

Amane: I see…… You look scary at first impression, but I quite like the way you treat everyone equally regardless of whether they’re older or younger than you. You don’t just treat me like a child or anything like that. Kotoko: Treat you like a child? Hah, you’ve got to be kidding. Back when I was your age, I was already the person I am today.

1moremilgramfan's analysis on Kotoko's clothing in Harrow over here is a fantastic dissection of Kotoko's character design and this aspect of it in particular but my point is that Kotoko tries her best to look strong and powerful, even when she's in emotional distress. She must look strong and powerful and not Weak.

I wonder what that reminds me of.

Kotoko idealizes the idea of there being some quick and easy way to save the whole world. Even if it isn't her that does it in the end.

I've chosen the awaited hero

But for now, if the system in place can't do it then She Will. She will the dashing prince that saves the helpless princess. She'll be the savior of the weak.

Let’s end this! “HARROW” “HARROW” I can’t forgive the evil hurting the weak It’s unforgivable, I won’t allow it, I sweared

But as I said, by positioning yourself as someone's Prince you begin to hold power over them and it's easy to start dehumanizing them and putting your wants and ideals above what they want. Their safety is reliant on yours after all. They can't fight back if you do something that harms them.

Utena:  That's right, I've got to protect Himemiya. Utena:  If anyone can return her to being a normal girl, it's me. Utena:  I can't let anyone else have her. Utena:  Not even my own prince.

Kotoko: From the begin I've never asked for your understanding! My actions, one by one, are bringing earth closer to peace. Useless Weaklings should just shut up and let me protect them!

And Kotoko seems to take a lot of joy and gratification in protecting people. She doesn't care as much about the victims as much as what she Gets Out of Saving them. Their wants are not as important as hers.

...Fufu... This feels so good.

Touga:  While she was engaged to you, the Code required her to obey you. Utena:  You're lying... Touga:  The Rose Bride answered the wishes of her master. Touga:  To make her an ordinary girl was merely what you wished.

By doing so, she perpetuates the cycle of violence she hated so much in the first place. You can see this in T2, by persecuting the guilty voters and physically harming them because she believes she's justified. Exerting power from them in a physical way and wanting to vote more people not forgiven so she can continue handing out righteous judgement.

Kotoko: I handed out retribution to the prisoners you chose to not forgive. Following MILGRAM’s system, I didn’t finish them off right away. You still need time to think, after all. …What’s with that face…? Aside from following your will, I’m deciding to leave the rest up to you. But… You’re too soft-hearted. I would have chosen to not forgive more prisoners. It’d be better if I were the prison guard… Well, just one thing is missing, I guess… I’ll stay put for now. I’ll wait until your next judgement is over, and then I’ll take action. Don’t worry, I’m on your side. Let’s bring judgement to the unforgivable evildoers.

These actions are harmful and dehumanizing, the victims are not people but a means to an end. It doesn't matter what Happens to them or even to Herself, as long as righteous judgement is brought upon those who "deserve it" for whatever reason she can come up with.

Kotoko idealized the idea of being a savior, and in the process, turned herself into a tool to harm.

Akio:  I've taken enough risks to buy the power to change the world. Akio:  That's how the world works-

"It's alright now. Please go on playing make-believe "Prince" in this comfortable little coffin forever."

Now, again you don't want to be the prince. as The Prince is an unachievable ideal that harms everyone and perpetuates cycles of violence.

However unlike the Rose Bride, the Prince Has More Power and Agency. Whoever is engaged to the Rose Bride has power over her. So, if your worldview can only perceive the roles of Prince and Princess, Savior and Victim, then of course you would want to be The Prince.

Let's talk Shidou Kirasaki.

Now, similar disclaimer to Amane's in the previous analysis. Since I've delving into the abuse the Prince perpetuates in a bit more detail. I am once again stating that while I Will Not discuss csa and sa in general here since we have no proof of Shidou doing that and for the sake of tact. However it will be Alluded to vaguely in the dialogue, especially since I'm focusing on the perpetrators of that abuse.

Once again, do what is good for your health and stay safe.

Now, unlike most of the princes in Utena, Shidou isn't doing this necessarily out of malice, he is not as bad as Akio Othori and I'm not going to pretend he is.

However even if his actions aren't necessarily done out of Malice it doesn't mean he doesn't benefit from it nor does it mean he doesn't harm anyone.

Now I talked a lot about Amane in my Rose Bride analysis but as I mentioned their, people are always constantly presenting themselves to Amane as "her prince," and are frustrated and upset when Amane shows that she can't be the victim they want her to be and Shidou is no exception to this.

22/10/24 (Shidou’s Birthday)

Amane: I warned you. I can no longer turn a blind eye to this wickedness taking place right in front of us. You’re bringing ruin unto yourself. Do you understand? Shidou: No, I don’t understand. It’s my job as an adult to teach you that throwing a temper tantrum isn’t going to make everything go your way.

In fact Shidou parallels her abusive parents a lot in his behavior by constantly ignoring and outright dismissing Amane's feelings and thoughts because he believes that Amane is "just a child."

20/06/13

Amane: ……*sigh*. Is that right. I don’t think I’m going to get along with you, Shidou-san. I don’t agree with the fact you refuse to acknowledge that I have my own free will, and that I should be held accountable for my actions, just because I’m a child. I may have only been alive for 12 years, but all the choices I’ve made, even if they weren’t the best ones, were entirely my own. What point is there in you getting sad when I have no regrets myself? ……please give me back my test. It seems you don’t have the concentration levels required to be my teacher. I’m going to get Kotoko-san to teach me instead. Shidou: Amane…… I don’t think that’s true. However smart you may be…… you’re still just a child.

Shidou doesn't see Amane as a person, he sees her as "child" and thus has less agency than Him. He's the one who should be making decisions for her because he's an adult. Whenever she reacts in a way he doesn't like he dismisses it, she's having one of the Worst Periods of Her Life right in front of him and he's dismissing it as just throwing a tantrum, something silly and childish.

Akio:  A child like you can't appreciate my ideals.

This isn't the only person he does this to, as Es also experiences his belittling and patronizing way of treating children. (Molech)

Shidou: Ah, well… I was just thinking about how despite being a child, you’ve really done your research on this. Es: Hey. [footsteps] You trying to make fun of me, is that it?  Shidou: What? Oh, no. I wasn’t trying to do anything like that. Es: You were. Something’s been on my mind ever since the very beginning… “Es, this. Es, that.” It’s the belittling way you refer to me…  I’m the prison guard, you know that? Shidou: Oh, I’m completely aware of that. But, you’re still a child in actuality. Coming from me, who’s almost twice the age as you are, I just…  Es: What is it? Shidou: For a child like you to be entrusted with this sort of role… My heart goes out to you. 

In a way he's exerting power over the both of them through this, he's an adult, more responsible and powerful than the both of them. It's, frankly, dehumanizing.

If the Rose Bride is an object to be projected on, the Prince is the one doing the projecting.

And as explained in the Rose Bride post, coffins in Utena represent cycles and eternity and to grow you need to break out of it. Shidou is stuck in his own coffin, keeps on trying to return to a life that Doesn't Exist Anymore and when he's faced with that knowledge and the way he's harmed the people around him because of that he continues to spiral.

He wants to die but he can't do it himself so he pushes the responsibility onto someone he doesn't consider as a person.

Shidou: I feel sorry that you had to be given this role. And, I truly apologise for being so insistent about sentencing me to death as well…  But, you’re perfect. You’ll give me the ending I’m most suited for. 

He wants to make up for his mistakes as a parent and pushes that onto someone he can project onto, even though that person has made it very clear how unwelcome and even painful it is for him to do that.

Shidou: Yeah. I’ll do what I can. I can’t have a child making a face like that.

He wants to live but he can only live if someone else is in pain because that means he has a reason to continue existing.

But there are lives that need safeguarding So hey, prolong my life, I’m indispensable

Shidou has fully admitted that he thinks his crime is a selfish one, he did it for himself. No matter How or Why he killed, we know he didn't value the people he killed that much.

“Throw down”, someone’s value Cannot be the same as another

You're in my way, hurry up and die.

The value comes from what they give to him, and in the end, their death was much more valuable to him than their life.

"The One Who Will Revolutionize the World"

Frankly, it's kinda pathetic to be a Prince.

It's is a coffin that one can stay in forever if they don't do anything. Something that harms you and everyone else...mostly everyone else. It's a role that brings about stagnation and immaturity. You can never revolutionize the world by being a Prince, all your doing is just perpetuating a cycle of harm.

Maybe Kotoko and Shidou will stay in their coffins, who knows really with them. They don't seem particularly in a hurry to get out, they don't even seem to notice their trapped in the first place.

Mikoto though...well...John really does want to understand, and Mikoto really does want to know what's happening.

And maybe that's enough.

Anthy:  But, you're a... Utena:  I came here to meet you. Utena:  So don't be afraid of this world where we'll meet. Utena:  ...Himemiya...Himemiya...Himemiya! Utena:  Himemiya! Anthy:  Utena...sama...? Utena:  Himemiya...we finally...meet.

END NOTES: I don't usually put these but since I plan to make this two part series one post minus the utena I might as well talk a bit.

I end this and the Rose Bride one so sappily but that's mostly cause I always need to remind myself after writing these that it's a Breakable Cycle. You write 2k+ words about characters being trapped in coffins and it Gets To You.

I'm so sorry to Fuuta for leaving him out of this...Mikoto and Kotoko kinda took your place...I know your literally a hero in your MV but I could not find a way to put you here without bloating it too much.

Funnily enough while the Rose Bride post had a lot to talk about The Prince is weirdly easy to summarize, the longest part here is when I talk about the themes of the Rose Bride and how that intersects with Mikoto. Though maybe that's just me. Another reason to write the compilation I guess.

I Swear there was more quotes about children and adults in Utena- I suppose it's a lot of its themes on adulthood are communicated visually and/or involve sex so like...yknow. Plus I'd have to explain the cars and it would take me all my effort to not put the Shiori car quote.

[saturnine-saturneight]

Writeblr interview tag

Tagged by @tragedycoded [here] 💕

I thought I was going to sleep a little longer this morning, but looks like I'm up for good, so off we go. Good time to answer this.

Short stories, novels, or poems?

Novels (working on one) or poems (used to write a lot of them). I'd love to try my hand at short stories, though!

What genre do you prefer reading?

I am not a voracious reader. I used to be, I'd like to be that again, but right now, I am not. Those posts that are like 'if you want to write you need to read'? Those are about me.

When I do read fiction, it's usually detective fiction. Easy to digest, no greater emotional investment. I also love horror, but haven't read much of it in the past few years.

Most of the things I read nowadays are nonfiction, generally medical or political (or a Wikipedia article in the middle of a conversation to clear up a question), though I also love reading about monsters and fables.

Are you a planner or a write as I go kind of person?

I go back and forth on this question. I'm a planner in that I know what I want from a novel or a chapter, and then a write as I go-er when it comes to getting there.

What music do you listen to while writing?

Less of a specific genre and moreso just songs I know in and out so I don't pay too much attention to them! Often on repeat. This is even more extreme when I draw. I drew those chibis I posted the other day to the living tombstone's cat song, lmfao.

Favorite books/movies?

I love horror comedies. Beetlejuice, death becomes her, little shop of horrors. Things like that. Nope was also incredible and has stuck with me, but that's not a comedy.

Any current WIPs?

Just Reburial :) I like to focus.

If someone were to make a cartoon out of you what would your standard outfit be?

Oversized black T-shirt, grey jeans, black converse. Phone in hand, headphones always either around the neck or being worn. I'm boring 🤘

Create a character description of yourself:

Jules stands at average height, their blond hair reaching down to their back, their face caught in a permanent expression of mild worry. They talk too fast, always fidgeting.

Do you like incorporating actual people you know into your writing?

Archetypes and ways of speaking/thinking/acting, yes. Whole people, no. I always mix and match traits I've gotten to know in others and myself, and I pay close attention that I don't write 'in attack mode', meaning portraying certain mindsets as negative after someone annoyed me.

Are you kill happy with your characters?

I'm not! Side characters die in Reburial, but I don't enjoy killing characters I like if it means that I can't use them in the same story again afterwards.

Coffee or Tea while writing?

I'm a tap water kind of guy ✌️ Caffeine gives me heart palps.

Slow or fast writer?

Medium? I don't make an effort to write fast.

Where/who/what do you draw inspiration from?

The majority of my horror comes from things that I personally find scary. When I get scared of something, I start reading, thinking, and talking about it, trying to understand it from all angles. And then sometimes, that also includes writing about it to see what exactly makes that fear tick, where it comes from, and which components are important to elicit the emotions. Fear based special interests, hahaha.

If you were in a fantasy world, what would you be?

Some kind of imp or a puss in boots type of creature.

Most fav book cliche:

You know what, I have no idea. Nothing comes to mind.

Least favorite cliche:

I am, however, a little hater. There are a lot of romance clichés on this list, which is a genre I tend to avoid. (I'm fairly greyro ace and would count myself as that if I wasn't also engaged.) If I do read A Romance, it's always with something else going on, and even then I get annoyed often, haha. I want two or more characters to be profoundly, boundary blurringly weird about each other. I don't want to read that they locked eyes across the room and now I'm supposed to believe that they should be partners for life because they find each other attractive.

There are also countless fantasy tropes on this list. Chosen one stuff, holy wars against pure evil, stories with 'good kings', the list goes on. You have to be REALLY good to make me read fantasy.

Favorite scene to write?

I just really like writing dialogue. Banter, arguments, confessions, etc.

Reason for writing?

It's fun. 👍 I daydream about putting Reburial on Itch for free when it's done, illustrated and type-set, but that's as far as my publishing aspirations go.

Tagging @cowboybrunch @marlowethelibrarian @gioiaalbanoart @paeliae-occasionally @writingrosesonneptune + open !!

[avpdvoidspace]

you mentioned in another post that you tend to get obsessive/possessive-ish with safe people and tbh !! I go through a very similar experience. while I AM a total shut-in and rarely interact with others I have also gotten really really codependent with certain "safe people", I read a book excerpt once that said the possessive/codependent tendencies are a part of avpd but haven't seen it discussed anywhere else :(

I haven't had a REAL safe person in years (last one took advantage of that and gave me some nasty ptsd yeowch. I just can't connect with real people like that anymore), but sometimes I develop similar feelings about comfort characters. other people call it a hyperfixation but I'm not autistic/adhd and it definitely feels nothing like how hyperfixations are described. same business tho- I get weirdly possessive with a single character at a time for several years and I do the whole "fantasizing about acceptance and intimacy with them" too. it feels safer in a way but at the same time I block people who like the same character because it makes me insecure LOL. maybe I'll go back to real people someday.

back to the main point tho. I'm not necessarily needy for attention and as you've also said before, when I feel I like a (real) person TOO much I will get scared to be around them and push them away. I am very good at keeping people at an arm's length so the incoming rejection doesn't hurt as bad 💔💔 ahah. BUT I have experienced those feelings of obsession and possessiveness when I've gotten close to people in the past, they can sometimes manifest in a weird aggression but for the most part they just make me anxious and self-conscious (doesn't everything tho?). fun times! it's kinda comforting hearing that other people go through something similar.

Take into consideration that I also do have ocpd (although I think this isn't uncommon for people with avpd) but yeah. The obsession when it comes to a real person can be terrifying because it gives them the power to absolutely shatter you with very little effort, so it gets scary and you can really get the impulse to push them away in case. Real people aside, fictional characters... yeah. I think people with cluster C PDs have our own unique 'type' of hyperfixation that doesn't function exactly like an autistic or adhd person (not that you can't have one or both of these AND be cluster C). It's not something I've seen professionals talk about, but anecdotally, it seems to be true of us. I have a fictional character I've been obsessed with for decades and sometimes when I'm alone, I kind of fantasize that I either am or am with said character just going about my daily tasks and whatnot. Also do this with OCs to a lesser degree... Even before this character, I had others I did this with, going all the way back to early childhood. It was always somewhere between maladaptive daydreaming and actually acting out conversations/activities. It's kind of mortifying to admit, but that's how deep the obsessed/similar thing to hyperfixation goes. I don't know if this is close to what you're talking about but yeah. This level of obsession extends to other areas of my life too, like interests, hobbies, and skillbuilding. It's akin to hyperfixation but imo has its own unique cluster C vibe. Thanks for the ask!

[seojunboyz]

 ᰔ HOW CLOSE IS SEOJUN WITH HIS MEMBERS? . . . ·.༄࿔

𓆩𓆪 ׅ 𔐬 SEOJUN + SANGYEON . . . 92%

"hyung how does it feel like to be old?" "one day seojun-ah, you'll be the same age"

like the other maknaes, seojun loves to tease sangyeon. nevertheless, seojun also holds respect for him, especially for his leader skills. he knows that if he's struggling with something, sangyeon will always be happy to listen and help him. they're not entirely close, but seojun knows he can count on sangyeon when he needs it.

𓆩𓆪 ׅ 𔐬 SEOJUN + JACOB . . . 95%

"hyung, can you help me with this?" "of course, seojunnie"

another hyung that he knows he could go to for help. jacob would literally drop anything he was doing for seojun, it's one of the reasons why seojun considers jacob his closest hyung. not only that, but their personalities are similar to each other, which made it easy for them to click really quickly. they're always laughing with each other when they're together. deobis love to see their interactions.

𓆩𓆪 ׅ 𔐬 SEOJUN + YOUNGHOON . . . 97%

"hyung, i think this is enough-?" "we're not done until i think we are"

younghoon loves to dote on seojun a lot, mostly because younghoon can't stand his cuteness (yes, younghoon admitted this on one of his lives). seojun is more than willing to let him, as seojun finds comfort in him. he even says younghoon's hugs were the best cure for a bad day. younghoon is often seen hugging him and giving seojun the most adoring eyes.

𓆩𓆪 ׅ 𔐬 SEOJUN + HYUNJAE . . . 94%

"mwohaseyo!?" "...me and sunwoo are studying hyung"

hyunjae loves to tease seojun, and while seojun looks like hes annoyed on camera, he's always happy when hyunjae gives him attention and annoys him. he's mostly the number one target for hyunjae's antics and seojun is more than welcome to let himself be the target. in return, seojun loves affectionately teasing him too, which ends up with them both bickering with each other until sangyeon asks if they're going to kiss to make up with each other.

𓆩𓆪 ׅ 𔐬 SEOJUN + JUYEON . . . 99%

"i'm supposed to be the reaper, why are you clinging to me" "cuz you're not scary"

seojun used to be so awkward around juyeon, and the reason to that was because juyeon was just too handsome to seojun. obviously, he's gotten over his tiny-bit of a crush on juyeon now that they're in the same group together, but seojun still always finds juyeon to be swoon worthy. he's always seen clinging to juyeon anytime he gets, but juyeon never seems to complain. he likes that seojun isn't as awkward with him as he used to be now and finds him endearing sometimes.

𓆩𓆪 ׅ 𔐬 SEOJUN + THOMAS . . . 91%

"we had fun, didn't we hyung?" "i've never been more stressed out in my entire life"

although seojun didn't grow up in the same situation as thomas, they're both considered to be the richest members of the group. because of this, they feel like they could often relate to each other in a way, despite them saying that they're not too close with each other. but that doesn't stop seojun from teasing the living shit out of thomas whenever he gets the chance. at the same time though, seojun also respects thomas for his skills and admires him for his proficiency in multiple languages, often asking him to teach him.

𓆩𓆪 ׅ 𔐬 SEOJUN + KEVIN . . . 87%

"...seojun, do you need help?" "no, i'm fine here on the floor"

seojun is the least closest with kevin, despite their funny personality being almost the same as each other. seojun has said that they're getting much more closer now, especially since they're both now realizing how much they have in common with each other. nowadays, deobis can hear them laughing with each other in their videos and vlogs, and sometimes they can hear them being loud in other members' lives.

𓆩𓆪 ׅ 𔐬 SEOJUN + NEW . . . 98%

"chanhee hyung is the most prettiest" "i think we're both the same, seojun-ah"

chanhee and seojun are similar in personality and style, making it easy for seojun to relate with him. often times, deobi sees the both of them going out together and shopping, and they often talk about their outings together on lives. seojun admires chanhee, both his skills and his style, and he asks him for advice most of the time. he considers chanhee as the older brother he's never had.

𓆩𓆪 ׅ 𔐬 SEOJUN + Q . . . 91%

"look seojun, he's not scary!" "changmin hyung, get that thing away from me!"

seojun and q are almost opposites, so it's one of the reasons why seojun isn't too close with q. but that doesn't stop them from going and teasing each other. q finds it funny to see seojun being scared of his fascination with horror things and always teases him for it by showing seojun his scary dolls that he finds 'cute' or forcing him into haunted houses with him. however, he knows when to stop; when he sees seojun panic too much, he'll stop the teasing and make sure he's alright or comforting him. they're not close, but they definitely click together more than they think they do.

𓆩𓆪 ׅ 𔐬 SEOJUN + JUHAKNYEON . . . 100%

"did i do good enough hyung?" "you did way more than good, jun"

seojun and haknyeon are always found together. if one is around, the other is bound to be near; there's no way of separating them. the two of them trained together and participated in Produce 101 S.2 together, causing them to be the closest pair in the boyz. haknyeon is the one seojun often cries to when he's frustrated, or when he needs comfort, haknyeon will stop everything to attend to his bestie. lots of deobi love their closeness and their interactions, calling the duo by their ship name 'hakjun'.

𓆩𓆪 ׅ 𔐬 SEOJUN + SUNWOO . . . 99%

"q hyung just said im as dumb as you" "i'm not dumb, i'm just always lost"

they call themselves the '00 duo' because they're the only members to be born in that year. because of this, seojun and sunwoo can relate to each other a lot and share a lot of the same thinking. they like to joke that they both share one single braincell. during their beginning years of their career, both sunwoo and seojun went to school together, which helped them to become closer as the years go by. sunwoo even once mentioned that if they never went to the same school, he doubts that he'd be as close to seojun as he is today.

𓆩𓆪 ׅ 𔐬 SEOJUN + ERIC . . . 97%

"seojun hyung, come help me prank sangyeon hyung" "sounds dumb, but okay"

despite being a year apart, seojun and eric also seem to share the same braincell. they both love to tease and prank the members, and like any other maknae-hyung relationship, they love to tease each other too. however, even with their teasing nature to each other, eric often times finds comfort in seojun when he needs it, and seojun is always more than happy to help make his friend feel better. seojun considers him as the younger brother he always wanted.

𓆩𓆪 ׅ 𔐬 SEOJUN + REYES . . . 99%

"how did you unlock my phone" "you literally have your password as the day we met"

seojun and reyes are known to be menaces to the boyz, even though they're a year apart. they love to sass and tease the other members with each other and love hanging out with each other. seojun is the one to make sure reyes can speak his mind, especially during interviews, since he knows how quiet the younger can be. he considers reyes to be his second closest member in the group, despite him admitting that they were originally awkward with each other when they first met. now they're often seen together clinging to each other or holding hands while they're out and about.

find reyes at @rvveal

find thomas at @hwangyozz

[starry-blue-echoes]

so it just hit me that since I've finally read SBR I can actually Have Thoughts about the Diego Giorno brother AU I made AGES ago so let's do that shall we-

as I said before, Diego is the older twin by a couple minutes and he takes his role as The Eldest very seriously. He's ridiculously protective of Giorno, mostly due to their upbringing but also because of the addition of his more feral impulses later when he gets his Stand

speaking of, getting Scary Monsters as a kid was...... well, scary. The sudden influx of sensory information led to many sensory overloads as a kid, and the poor living conditions didn't help in the slightest. It was entirely up to Giorno to help assist him when things got too much, but by the time they got a handle on it Diego was already seen as a "problem child"

neither had any idea why Diego had “DIO” patterned on his sides in Dino Form, but that became the source of his nickname. His Dino Form is also one of the reasons his favorite color is blue

also I'm making him feathery in this AU, because Feathery Dinos Go Brrrrr

Diego ends up doing what he can to take most of the attention off Giorno simply because Scary Monsters means he's a heck of a lot more durable, plus stronger and faster. Giorno hates it more than anything, and this results in them learning that GE can “heal”

Giorno was actually the first thing Diego had managed to infect with Scary Monster, albeit accidentally when they were kids and he was having a particularly bad sensory overload. While Diego is very careful to make sure he doesn't control Giorno, he technically still can and can also make him morph into a dinosaur, which prior to canon they mostly use for fun things like rooftop runs and running around the outside of the city and wresting

Diego doesn't need as much sleep anymore and can get by perfectly fine with only a couple hours, but the downside is now he has a much bigger appetite which can be difficult to accommodate for sometimes. Giorno does too, but to a slightly lesser degree since his transformations are much less permanent

these two Stands are a terrifying combo. My headcanon is that certain animals are "species" locked, ie there's only a small amount of dinos Diego can choose from per type of animal, but Giorno almost completely negates this limit. Diego does have to be careful with how deeply he scratches and to not make too many small injuries pile up, but these two have spent hours experimenting with what animals become what

Diego still really likes horses, and sometimes on weekends the pair will go waaaaaay outside Naples and Giorno will make some for them to ride. Over the years they've gotten really good, and it's Diego's dream to someday be a professional horse jockey

the twins also have a……. slight mental connection. Because of Diego’s control over Giorno, they’re always aware of where the other is and if they really try they can communicate basic emotion and intent, but that’s the hard limit. It’s enough to creep people out though

[shouldhavestayedawayfromhere]

My thoughts & opinions on thoughtforms

I wanna talk about my thoughtforms, because it's something I'm really passionate about. This post will not directly relate to witchcraft or paganism/deity work, even though thoughtforms can be a spiritual practice, I do not currently include mine in my craft. With that out of the way, let's talk about got I got to them. (This is a long post btw)

In case you don't know exactly what a thoughtform is, it's an entity created of one's own energy that can fulfill it's designated purpose, which can be as small or big as it's creator decided. It may be a human friend or an animal companion, or a weird, eight-legged creature that helps you fall asleep at night. Good we got that down, so let's go!

As a kid I've had a ton of "imaginary friends". Going through puberty, that only solidified, since I didn't have many real life friends. I've also had maladaptive daydreams all my life which may have caused this almost irrational attachment towards made up characters. However, only after finding the witchcraft community on Tumblr, did I learn that thoughtforms are a thing in magic.

Destroying thoughtforms

When I learned about thoughtforms, I read that you're supposed to be able to destroy them once they no longer serve your purpose, or else they would either "run off" or get bitter from the lack of attention and energy being invested into them. To that I wanna say, everyone has their own practice and their own rules, and for me, this just isn't the case. My thoughtforms have never gotten upset at me for forgetting about them for a while. They're still my friends, and I don't have to spend every single free minute on them.

I also don't believe in destroying my thoughtforms. There's just no reason I could think of to do that. They go through life with me like other things do. And if I'll eventually forget about them, the universe will take care of it. Maybe we'll reunite some day.

Creating thoughtforms

Another opinion I have on thoughtforms is that many people, especially those teaching about thoughtforms, are too strict on what is and isn't a thoughtform and how to create one. If you make up a character and give it permission to roam around and do things and you believe that this is your thought form, then it most probably is.

There are different approaches and opinions about "feeding" your thoughtform. Put shortly – I don't do that. They are an extension of me, my energy, and have become independent. They exist because I believe in them and interact with them. That just my standpoint and it works for me.

Of course you can do a ritual, perform a spell, light a candle, write a contract and make a 3D model of your thoughtform and you can read three books on it and write your own. But you can also sit in your bed and think up a silly figure and say "your name shall be Silversparkle and you will remind me that I'm pretty every day" and you have your thoughtform. (Not making fun of people who like to have a formal and fancy process, I'm just saying it's not necessary to do all that if it feels like too much)

Intimidating thoughtforms

Here's a note on thoughtforms being "too powerful" or "pushy". I personally haven't had this issue, but apparently others have. In my personal experience, a thoughtform is only ever as powerful as you believe it to be. Therefore, the only way they could come across as "too powerful" or intimidating is if you are unsure of yourself and create something you don't fully understand – therefore are scared of.

When I first officially introduced my first thoughtform, he had existed way before this point. I just basically told him "you get this label now, and I allow you to develop a mind of your own," and that was it. And that was scary at first, because I didn't know what this would change. In the end, it only brought us closer together, and I've never been intimidated by him anymore after that initial introduction.

I have a mental space for my human thoughtforms. It's where they are when they're not with me. I can visit this place too in my mind. They're both very beautiful places that I find a lot of comfort in. I've set clear boundaries with my first thought form about when he can and can't leave that place, since he started just popping up in inconvenient moments in the beginning. Never dealt with that again, not even with another thoughtform.

I also wanna mention here that I no longer rely on my thoughtforms as substitutes for real friends, and no one ever should. My thoughtform was my closest companion for a while because I didn't have any good, close friends, and I was struggling with mental health. No one should ever (have to) view their thoughtform as a replacement for human interaction. I'm very grateful for the friends I've made since.

I'm probably gonna make a follow-up post where I talk about my own thoughtforms and what they do, and how I interact with them. Cause I like really love them and they do a lot for me so I wanna share it with the community, since I very rarely see anyone in the witchcraft community talk about thoughtforms.

That's all, lots of love 💜

[cosmicjoke]

hi

sorry for all the rude asks you got some ppl just need to touch grass! i really wish they would just leave you alone 😕 you are great dont listen to those losers ❤️‍🔥

in fanfics i often see people portraying levi as being kinda rough and mean in his speech and while that is true he is also capable of being softer and he really understanding and often thanks people and shows them that he appreciate them (which you pointed out actually)

he is also often teasingly mean

how do you think those trait balance out in levis manner of speaking?

Hi again, and thank you as always for your kind words. I haven't gotten a single hate message since I turned anon off, so that pretty much tells the tale. They're just cowards and losers, honestly, and everyone knows it.

Anyway, to answer your question, I've said before, but I think Levi's "rudeness" is really more a product of him just simply lacking social skill, rather than him being intentionally mean. Of course there's exceptions, mostly with Erwin, where he genuinely is trying to insult him, lol. And of course, with Zeke and a few others. But I think Levi's bluntness and honesty is a large part of why he comes across as "mean" or "rude". He isn't trying to be, most of the time, he just isn't well versed in how to couch his thoughts in more palatable terms. Levi was raised, very literally, to approach people directly. Kenny's idea of how to say hello was to kill them, or physically assault them in some way, and that's the kind of example Levi grew up with. By some miracle, he didn't turn out to be a sociopath like his uncle, but I think that kind of direct confrontation is something Levi was raised in. Just getting in people's faces and telling them what he thinks and feels. He was never shown a more refined or delicate way of expressing himself. We see that in Levi's own bursts of violence too. He was taught that if you want to get a point across, sometimes physical violence is the best means of doing so. And it isn't a reflection on Levi as a person, really. It doesn't expose some psychopathic tendency on his part. It's just simply what he was taught, that if you want someone to listen who otherwise isn't, hitting them will get their attention.

There's really no finesse or deceptiveness to the way Levi operates. And while, yeah, sometimes that can make him scary, if you ask me, it makes him a hell whole of a lot less scary, and dangerous, than a guy like Zeke, for example, who you never know when he's lying to you, or using you. Zeke's the kind of guy that will smile to your face and then stab you in the back. Levi's the kind of guy who will just stab you, and make sure you know it's him, lol. At least with Levi, you always know you're getting the truth.

And I think that honesty is also in part linked to his compassion. He has no interest in lying. He has no interest in manipulation or control of others. With Levi, you get what you see, and it's because he has too much respect for other people and their perspective to ever lie to them, or use them, or try to manipulate them. If he wants your help, he'll just tell you directly. His interactions with Dimo Reeves is a good example. He just told him straight up, the SC would help him and the town of Trost, and in exchange, they would expect his cooperation in return. He didn't try to bullshit Reeves, and Reeves appreciated that.

[encrucijada]

in-character oc interview!

taken from @coarsely ! i thought long and hard about who i wanted to pick... decided to go with connor from haze dogs because i'm supposed to be paying attention to her and not getting distracted by other things.

are you named after anyone?

"not that i know of? i always sort of suspected my parents wanted a boy so they named me the name they would have named him but then benjy showed up at the door and his name is very much not connor so, who knows." (editor's note: connor's name means lover of hounds. this was an accident and so thematically perfect)

when was the last time you cried?

"walking home from adán's stupid party. i don't want to talk about it, i just drank too much, okay?" (editor's note: if you know, you know)

do you have kids?

"i recently learned my parents had benjy when they were sixteen. i think my mum would kill me if i got pregnant at nineteen. lucky for her i don't want kids, no sane person would have kids in this town. no offence to my parents."

do you use sarcasm a lot?

"i am a person of refined taste and use only the best sourced sarcasm. the trick is to be nasty all the time so people don't really know when you're being sarcastic or not, keeps them on their toes."

what’s the first thing you notice about people?

"whether or not annoying them would be entertaining for me. and i guess i also notice their clothes, delilah has gotten into my head about what people are wearing."

what’s your eye colour?

"dark brown, same as my mum's. dad's eye colour is a little bit lighter, i think, at least in the right light. still benjy looks the most like mum."

scary movies or happy endings?

"are these mutually exclusive?"

any special talents?

"i'm quite good at giving clothes a second life, most of what i own is secondhand and put back together by myself. everything is my style if i do it myself. i also do this with jewellery, eclectic necklaces and earrings, that sorta thing."

where were you born?

"i've been in this town my whole life and in this town i will die like all of us will. mum says she couldn't get to the clinic, though, so i came into this world in the car."

do you have any pets?

"my mum has a sweet mutt named miel who's been my sister longer than benjy has been my brother. the name is kinda self-explanatory, her fur looks like honey. and he's definitely nothing of mine but the belgian sheepdog that looks after the sheep really likes me."

what sort of sports do you play?

"i did archery for a while in school, i still do it sometimes there's plenty of space to shoot without hurting someone. i make dummies out of old clothes and hay put inside garbage bags."

how tall are you?

"1.56, taller than mum but shorter than dad."

what was your favourite subject in school?

"i was a freak who really liked spanish, like grammar and stuff. i liked learning how to properly write things. geography was also my favourite part of social studies, i used to have all of that memorised. now i can barely remember the differences between taiga and tundra."

what is your dream job?

"no job, just chilling. but i guess if i had to choose i'd pick radio drama narrator, horror specifically. i think i have the voice for it."

[andiinaraethtash]

Thanks for the tag @itsybitsybatsyspider!

Are you named after anyone? Nope! Wish I was irl, though, then I might be less likely to be frustrated with it when people can't pronounce it correctly. I'd have some sort of emotional attachment. Things have gotten better since I started going by a nickname that most people can pronounce correctly, but growing up, I was never called for in doctors' offices, etc., correctly. For a five-year-old, that was very annoying and I hated my name for a while because of it.

When was the last time you cried? Man, idk. Maybe when I watched the music video for Wish You the Best for the first time? I do it so often (at the darnedest things, too) that I legitimately can't keep track.

Do you have any kids? Nope! Don't have a partner, and I'm definitely waiting until I have a partner to be my back-up for taking proper care of one. But I do want one. Maybe two at the most.

What sports have you played/do you play? I mean... archery? That's it. I love hiking and swimming, but I don't really count that as a sport bc I do it so casually and at my own pace/in my own way, so it can't really be counted as a 'sport.'

Do you use sarcasm? Who, me? Never! (I kid. Sarcasm is my primary language. I apologize to everyone who has difficulty interpreting it. It's a problem.)

What's the first thing you notice about someone? Idk, their vibe, I guess? Depends on how nervous/relaxed I am. If I'm very anxious, it's their body language, trying to determine threat status, but if I'm not, then just. General expression/body language/appearance?

What's your eye color? Blue. I'd wax poetic but I don't pay too much attention to the details. More on the green side, I guess? It's pretty. I like it.

Scary movie or happy endings? Happy endings, 100%. There's enough scary crap in the world that adding to it by watching scary movies seems pointless.

Any talents? Okay, to avoid tooting my own horn, I'll just say the ones others have complimented me on: Singing. Writing. Baking. Playing the violin, though I haven't done that consistently in a loooong time. I have other hobbies, but those are the ones I've honed the best.

Where were you born? In a hospital, like 60% of my siblings. Only fun thing about it was that my umbilical cord was partially wrapped around my head/neck. Freaked my mom out when the nurses told her.

I'm going to tag: @chaoticdumbassrogue @felicityphoenix5 @gaeasun @winterwolfmiraculous

Have fun, everybody!