#that wasn't really a thing when I started out in rp + I've never found it to be an issue for me. it has never once clogged up my feed

[justicode]

literally why the fuck is tumblr determined to make it impossible to reach the source of a post. they went from "we're gonna make it easier" to "we're gonna eliminate that possibility entirely"

[ijjstlostthegame]

Continuing the Ummi finds out about Kuruk's spirit slaying AU, here's how the following conversation/argument:

Ummi: So Spirit Hunter, huh?

Kuruk: Ummi, I—

Ummi: Don't! Don't lie to me anymore, Kuruk. I know the truth, I've read your journal. *Holds up his journal.*

Kuruk: You... you went through my things?

Ummi: I had to, Kuruk. You weren't telling me anything! And I was worried! I've seen the injuries, the way you come home exhausted and broken. I couldn't just stand by and ignore it anymore. Which it seems like I have every right to be because you're risking your life on a regular basis! Why wouldn't you tell me?

Kuruk: I didn't want to worry you! And I didn't want to see you get hurt because of me! I just... I just wanted to keep you safe.

Ummi: By keeping me in the dark? Kuruk you could have died on so many occasions!

Kuruk: ...I...I know, that's why I didn't say anything, like I said I didn't want anyone else to get hurt.

Ummi: so what? You were just going to wait until one day your body just falls apart?

Kuruk: Well..no... me and Nyahitha have been looking for cures, but haven't found any yet.

Ummi: that's another thing, you told Nyahitha, but not me?

Kuruk: ... He found out by accident, he found me crawling on the beach after one of my battles....

Ummi: So did you ever plan on telling me anything?

Kuruk: I'm sorry Ummi, but...no I wasn't.

Ummi: I thought we shared everything, Kuruk. I thought you trusted me. *Tears start to well up in her eyes*

Kuruk: Ummi I'm sorry, I really am, I just wanted to keep you safe, and I thought you would be safer if you didn't know.

Ummi: *takes a deep breath.* I need 5 minutes to calm down, and then we need to talk.. About everything.

Kuruk: ...*Sighs.* Okay, fine.

Next on the soap opera is the full picture, AKA: when exactly Kuruk started fighting dark spirits, whether or not his team Avatar knows, (Ummi has never met his team Avatar because by this point they've all kind of moved on with their lives to do different things and rarely write to each other.) Why there are so many dark spirits in the first place. And many many apologies.

This reminds me so much of an rp i did where ummi also finds out about kuruk’s secret, and i drew art for it that also can apply to this ask

Gosh i love this so much

[acoldsovereign]

{{ Okay, here we go. A better/proper post about it. I know, I know. "But you said you wouldn't post--"

I'm breaking it this once. Only this once.

I'm still a reforming sociopath so being sad/sitting with intense feelings is very difficult for me. Concerning the circumstances, I'll try to express myself properly without the fear of "feeling things wrong".

I'm still new to the RPC. I started in March 2023, it'll be a year soon. God, that's so fast. I made minor and major mistakes in the process of learning Tumblr etiquette, but I learned from those instances all the same and nobody heckled me for it. Nobody made fun of me at all. Aside from the one incident I had late last year (it wasn't anyone in this community, though they did have a DBZ character on their roster), I've had ZERO problems with this community. I may be annoyed at stuff I see on the dash, or at highly specific or miniscule things nobody else sees if I ever venture out of my safe bubble, but ... I never felt unwelcomed, excluding my beginning months (which was when I didn't understand Tumblr culture). That changed when I started following and talking to people seriously. Everyone, even the shy people have been nothing but sweet to me and you all still continue to be really sweet and kind to me, even going as far to remind me to take my time when I push myself too hard. DBZ wasn't my first anime (that honor goes to Magic Knight Rayearth, Sailor Moon and Rurouni Kenshin), but it was one of the most influential I've ever watched. Unlike most in the community, I have a tumultuous relationship with the series due to being bullied severely in my childhood/adolescent years. I wasn't "allowed" to like or enjoy it because I was a girl, and it was a boy's show, even worse, it was deemed "white people shit". (Yes, this was said to my face by kids my age).

It was so incredibly dumb and disheartening to never be able to enjoy things because I associated being liked with survival. And yet, I still found a way to enjoy DB in secret. I started with Kai reruns. As you all know, even though I started at the Saiyan Saga, it was the Trunks Saga that truly converted and changed me-- so much so that he's my favorite character hands down, even after all these years. I ended up finishing the entire series on an old computer I no longer have. The pirating website I was using had a little chatbox where people were doing script RP (aka they used asterisks and all that). I thought it looked fun-- so, I made an account, username and joined in. I was a female Saiyan character (because why wouldn't I?) and I discovered the world of RP that way; that's how I started. DBZ is why I'm here with you all. The cycle repeated again and all of my old RP partners were nowhere to be found when I logged in one day. I got bullied again (which deeply hurt and confused me) and verbally/emotionally harassed online until I changed my username and deleted the FC I was using (one of them even told me to uh, you know. Do the opposite of live). I searched online for other RP forums and found them; started on other sites until I found my way to Facebook. I learned I had a knack for describing things, and making wholly unique characters that breathed life into the series they were from. I found my home, you could say. I've been in many other fandoms, made good memories but the majority of them are unfortunately tainted with the cruelty and lack of compassion others had towards OCs, especially of the female kind. Even in the Naruto community years ago, I had been at the end of a "call out/ship-vent" post for something I had no control over (the situation was actually caused by the person who wrote it, worse of all).

When I RPed in the DB fandom on Facebook, the only things that happened were: people's feelings getting hurt when my villain OCs said something rude to their characters (I always, ALWAYS, warned the other person in advance just to make sure they were okay with it), and people (mainly male muses-- canon and OCs) trying to reform them through having crushes on them or being "nice" to them. Romance plots, basically, or hoping for it. Though the latter was sometimes annoying, I managed to have fun, still. (Funnily enough, it mainly happened to the Cyborg/'Android' OCs I had, and not my Saiyans). The former though, kept me away from writing any more villains/antagonists for a long time because I didn't want to harm someone or be the reason they had a bad experience with roleplaying. Quite some years ago, I abandoned it due to life responsibilities and all that. Had to focus on college. I've been doing this since middle school all the way up to high school. I'm 26 now. I've been roleplaying for 14 years. I started when I was 12, at most. That means I've been a fan of this series for that duration of time and even longer since I didn't know RP was a thing. Because of DBZ, I've had long distance relationships. Because of DBZ, I've discovered my passion of writing goes deeper than what I thought it did originally. I even discovered what fanfiction was, through RP. I met people in the past through RP that I've developed crushes on and went on to date online. Met my first cosplay community (when I started cosplaying), made friends with local anime-shop owners before they closed down for good. I had a freaking Future Trunks Funko at one point! And I donated it to the shop because I loved the owners so much that I wanted them to have what personally gave me joy. I tried to write Trunks at one point, tried to cosplay him at another, so on and so forth. As many downs I had being attached to this series, I had more ups-- and gods, were the ups so HIGH. So, I'm much more willing to work with the series and all of the IP, because the truth is, something keeps making me come back. And it sparks my enthusiasm.

I've been told since starting my blog that my enthusiasm is infectious and I'm glad it is, because the truth is: this enormous body of work deserves it. My enthusiasm is because of Toriyama. This blog is here because of Toriyama. No, seriously. He said we never got female Saiyans prior to Super because he never could settle on a design. Growing up, I've been told toxic things about this series (usually from my own ethnic group, immature boys and creepy, grown men), only to find out the dude struggled with indecision! He was just like me at the time-- a freaking panster! Talk about a relief! I belong here!! I've always belonged, as a female fan!! My Saiyans, whether in RP or fanfictions, were female for this explicit reason. Long story short, Maiz is here because he planted that seed. I just took it and ran. As you all know, Maiz originally came from a fanfiction herself but, her current personality, motives and goals came from another character. The version you're seeing and writing with was specifically tailored to the needs of the RPC-- a villainous female Saiyan (with huge amounts of much needed Saiyan lore backing her up). I created this blog with my decade long experience of writing in mind. I wasn't expecting much when my best friend Koji convinced me to try Tumblr RP. I was so jaded. I thank her so much because if she didn't, I wouldn't have refound my drive for this series. My neverending love for various aspects of DB would have just stayed between me and my close irl friends. I wouldn't have met any of you. I wouldn't be here at all, and neither would Maiz. I wouldn't be surrounded by beautiful, amazing people. I wouldn't be as motivated as I am to improve my writing and vocabulary. Just ... Gosh. You guys remember when I said I can't think of Trunks' backstory too hard/too long or I'll get sad and cry? Well. It's moved to "if I ever hear Heroic, Episodic or Heaven Sent Trunks, I'll get sad" now. Gotta laugh at myself a little somewhere. I'm getting better at being okay with being sad. Bare with me. The fact that he based my favorite character on the Terminator movies and Trunks existing was why I even got into sci-fi to begin with (Terminator, Total Recall, Stargate, Star Trek, etc), just makes everything I've been though with this series hurt that much more.

To make matters worse, the first time I ever wrote within the sci-fi genre WAS the fanfiction Maiz comes from. It was a rewrite of DB Super, starting with the Broly movie, so naturally I decided it should be a blend of that and Space-Opera. Sigh. Do you see what I mean? By why this all hurts? I wouldn't be here at all if I didn't take what Toriyama said about female Saiyans to heart. Being told I was taking this IP too seriously over the years has paid off. I'm glad I'm so damn stubborn and resilient. I'm glad I have tunnel vision. Others would've broken if they went through the bs I did. If I had to go get bullied for liking Trunks over Vegeta and Goku all over again, I'd do it knowing what I accomplish later down the road. (But you know, I don't need to be bullied again-- nobody does). There's much more I could say but I'll leave it here as I think this is a full explanation enough. Thank you, Akira Toriyama (and the editors) for the Trunks, Androids and Cell Sagas. I'm glad Western movies inspired you. Finally, thank you for existing.

[rosegoldscarlet]

God this is long, oops.

Okay, I've sat down in front of my computer now. So, I think there are a lot of people here who remember when I first joined. Oh, hold on.

Ah, that's much better. It's nice to go back to an old face. Anyway I'm Sev, and let me tell you about how I started RP, how it's impacted me, and why I'm still writing Sakuya.

I first got into the RP scene because of my now long-time best friend @cruentusscarlet (Now her name is Neo). At the time, we had only just met a few months earlier. When we first met, I was super new to Touhou. Eventually, I found out about Tumblr RP from her and started spectating her blogs.

The two blogs that caught my eye the most were her Remilia Scarlet and Parsee Mizuhashi blogs. Eventually, I got motivated to try RP too. I hadn't roleplayed anything since I was a kid, so it was relatively new ground for me. I think I should count myself lucky that I had her blessing because she was so well known in the THRPC at the time, so it definitely made it easier to slide in.

My first RP blog ever was one for Sakuya Izayoi @clock-corpse created on July 10, 2019. I was 21 years old at the time and completely obsessed with her and Remilia.

Other RP blogs I've ran in the past include Yukari, Reimu, Aunn, Futo, Mai/Satono, Yuuka, Saki, Murasa, Ruby Rose, and Edelgard Von Hresvelg.

Now, I going to be honest with you people. I look back at my Sakuya years and kind of wince a little. It was very obvious that I was just gaining my sea legs in this hobby to the point where it was a little awkward.

The way I presented myself was basically a grump. I was super edgy, liked to write about blood and gore, make crude violent jokes, and was kind of a hard ass... Okay maybe some or all of those things are still true to an extent, but it still made me cringe.

That's not to say that I didn't enjoy those years though. No, I loved my time RPing as Sakuya because of the people I got to meet. I made some friends, made a few people angry, and got to witness a bunch of events both pre-planned and sudden surrounding the community and the people in it.

My personal life was in a weird and depressing era back when I first started RPing Sakuya, but looking back on it, it makes me happy to see how much I and other people have grown since then. Not just as creatives, but also as people. I've made some really good friends just from joining this community and participating in a silly little hobby. I think that sentiment is why I always end up coming back (and I can never fucking LEAVE.)

I guess what I'm trying to say is, I wouldn't still be here if it weren't for the good times I had with y'all. As corny as that sounds, it's true. You know we're doing good when we get excited to check our dashboards. I know you do, I hear it sometimes.

And speaking of checking dashboards, you're more than likely going to keep seeing Sakuya from me on it. Well, at least on this blog. Okay let's get this out of the way.

"Sev, why did you abandon your Sakuya blog only to keep writing her on this new one?"

Okay, going back to what I said about me being cringe when I was 21 years old? Yeaaaah, I wasn't happy with how I wrote Sakuya on that blog. By the time I was 24-25 years old, I wanted to change the way I wrote her but it wouldn't have been right to just do it so suddenly and retcon everything. I already had years of character built into her and I know a lot of people liked her so I held off on doing it.

So what was my solution? While creating the Remilia blog, I decided to slap Sakuya onto it as a side muse so I could have my chance to write her with my new vision. Basically, the Sakuya on this blog is a different Sakuya from my original one. I just wanted a clean slate to start over, and impulsively making a Remilia blog gave me the chance to do it.

Well, I think I've covered just about everything. I know this became more of a reflection rather than an origin story but, I just got sentimental while looking back. I hope this blurb wasn't too embarrassing or boring to read but if it was then uh, that sucks.

See you later, bitches.

[sjofn-lofnsdottr]

In Which I Gush About Dusk Lanverlais

(If you just want a basic rundown of him, you can check this post instead.)

Looking over what I posted about my alts, I was sort of amused to realize that I didn't talk nearly as much about my main dude, Dusk. Probably because I'm afraid if I start, I will never stop.

Because I love this silly man, very much.

He wasn't supposed to be my main guy, you know. I made him because I found it interesting the elezen look strange. Their proportions are off, compared to actual humans. They've got those necks, of course, but their shoulders are also a little too broad, their limbs a little too long, their head can sometimes look a little too small.

It was a touch offputting, if I'm honest, although I appreciated that this awkwardness went for both genders. I've said to people that I appreciate that FFXIV did 'androgynous elves' in a way that wasn't just code for 'the dudes are a little bit feminine.' When they're in armor, especially heavy armor, the gender line is pretty blurred to my eyes. And I think they have a ton of leeway to lean really hard into a gender presentation they want, or to hang out somewhere in the middle, or swing wildly from one to the other, and it always looks 'right' for them in a way that can be difficult (but not impossible!) for the other races in this game. They're just elezen, and I like it a lot.

This is me holding back on gushing about other things I've come to love about them, by the way.

In any case, like I said, I found their proportions a little offputting and strange, but that made them intriguing. Could I make an elezen I liked looking at? Turned out I could.

This is the earliest picture I can find of him that I still have. I have no idea where he's at in his MSQ, but I do know this was his very first glam.

Dusk comes from the same place Errol and Mercuriel do, a long lost RP setting I explored with a friend for a long time. It's why he's named 'Dusk' instead of something more elezen-y, although in FFXIV it's a nickname given to him by his father (and his twin sister, of course, is nicknamed Dawn). In that setting, he was a misplaced hippie artist at the head of a free love commune in the post apocalypse. He was a sculptor, and the eccentric local warlord was his patron, which enabled him to have his commune of would-be artists in the first place.

I wasn't sure he'd translate well to this setting (I thought this about the other two, too), but his actual personality - golden retriever given human form - didn't just translate, it fit into the way the Warrior of Light is frequently portrayed beautifully. Dusk has always had tremendous amounts of love to give to people - whatever form they want from him, platonic or otherwise - and has always made friends easily. He loves to learn about people more than anything else, but he loves seeing and doing new things almost as much.

He's more resilient than people ever expect, because he's always so soft, caring and open. It comes across as naive a lot of the time, but he's not. He just made the choice to be trusting and loving in a world that seems to often punish that, because living any other way is no way to live at all, in his eyes. He refuses to let the world make him jaded.

He's brave and protective - within reason, he is ever mindful of people's boundaries - and wants to help. Always, no matter how big or small the problem he's being asked to help with is. He's stubborn about being who he is, stubborn in his optimism, stubborn about giving pieces of himself to anyone who wants it.

So yeah. Translated better than I could ever hope.

When I first came up with him, it was sort of to counterbalance Mercuriel and Errol, both extremely messy men. I wanted Dusk to be simple, to be the one who was somehow always okay, because of the love he surrounded himself with. And so he was, in the RP. Partly because I didn't RP him and only him, he was offscreen a lot.

The WoL is never offscreen. So there are cracks here and there, now. Dusk wouldn't dream of not being the Warrior of Light, if people want him to be, even though he wishes people would see him more as himself than a Heroic Hero That Heroes, and that they would more often remember he has a huge support network that helps him do what he does. And frankly, it IS a lot of a pressure and he HAS gone through an awful lot as a result.

Dusk doesn't seem, on the surface, to be someone who would be a dark knight. He's so fluffy! And he's not resentful about being labeled a hero at all! And it's true, he really isn't. He might get exasperated sometimes, but nothing too crazy. But when he picked the class up, there were so many events he hadn't had a chance to unpack, to feel his feels and come to terms with them. And self-care is not a thing for him, it doesn't occur to him until people make it occur to him. Fray, to put it mildly, made it occur to him. Myste did too.

The Stormblood DRK quests felt especially suited to him ... he's not resentful, but he does carry a lot of guilt. So many people he couldn't save, in spite of his best efforts. So much hurt he wishes he could've prevented earlier, or entirely. So many people he was set against, that he might've been able to come to an understanding with if there had been time to find it, who didn't survive meeting him because of it.

He's better now, and I like to think that's why he's left the class behind ... but not completely. It's like riding a bike for him, letting his strong emotions, his love for the people he wants to protect, his disregard for rules designed to stop him from doing that ... it all comes rushing back to make him back into the absurdly resilient, dangerous protector of people who cannot protect themselves.

Gunbreaker is good and all, but sometimes you need to tap into something deeper, I suppose.

Pfft, I was going to make this his backstory post, but it got away from me, talking more about what he is instead of what he's done. I think that's okay though.

Oh, another thing he is? A giant insomniac.

And that, friends, is what tilted me towards wildwood over duskwight. Wildwoods look exhausted, all the time. It's perfect and I love it.

I will frequently comment that he looks like there is not a single thought passing through his skull. I've decided it's a combination of things that make this happen. First, the sleep deprivation. Second, he does frequently indulge in fogweed, partly in the hopes it will help him sleep, partly because he is self-medicating all the anxiety he refuses to acknowledge exists because again, self-care is not a thing for him a lot of the time. And third, his brain never shuts the fuck up. He doesn't have no thoughts, he has all the thoughts.

He's also ... startled a lot. Which I love so much.

Don't let the lack of glasses fool you, he wears them all the time now. I just didn't start doing it reliably until after he finished Shadowbringers, and I'm avoiding posting Endwalker shots of him at the moment.

Okay, see what I mean? I got started, and I have rambled about this dude AT LENGTH. This isn't even close to as much as I COULD say about him, either! But I will stop here instead of actually talking about his 'lore,' and try to make things more, uh, bite-sized going forward. Thank God I found the 'read more' link option thing, am I rite?

[luvvsisi]

Starter post PS rp.

It had been a crazy couple months, first Ansley and Endicott, covering up for her and dismembering the body, which he didn't even want to get started on how much he actually enjoyed it and how quiet his mind was during the whole thing. It was almost a relief when the case was officially closed and he had hoped for just a bit of a break to regroup but that was never in the cards for Malcolm Bright, it was always go, go, go, one crazy thing after another that would break him just that bit more. No rest for the wicked and all that. Now it was four inmates, including Martin running around causing who knows what kind of havoc and he would have been fine with just chasing them down and capturing them, but, another wrench, his father wasn't with them, another chink in the armor that was Malcolm's brain, though really he was sure it had to be made of aluminum instead.

It all came to a head when he was kidnapped, twice, became a criminal, again, and got away from almost being tortured, yet again...He was definitely not liking that pattern, but that was the least of his problems, right now he had finished tracking and capturing the Woodsman Killer and was now standing in the middle of the forest, dad bleeding out on the floor, bloody knife in his hand. It was Dani screaming his name that finally broke him. His brain taking over and telling his body to shut down and everything went black. He woke up a week later on a hospital, well, more like a fancy asylum for rich people, no doubt strong armed by his mother to allow him to be admitted. He went to run his eyes but found his arms and legs strapped to the bed. He groaned and let his head fall back onto the bed.

The moving around must have triggered something because a couple of nurses came in and started to look him over and running normal tests for someone who had just woke up.

"Can you tell me your name?" Asked one of the nurses. He tried to talked but his throat was dry and he let out a cough. A straw appeared next to his lips a second later and he took a couple small sips, automatically feeling better.

"Malcolm Bright" he said, rolling his eyes, even though he knew it was procedure, it was still annoying. The nurses looked happy though and he felt the restraints come off finally as he shifted a bit to get more comfortable, finally taking in his surroundings.

"How long was I out?" He asked.

"About a week...You were brought here and we couldn't wake you...The doctors figured you had a break and your body was protecting you...The doctor will be in shortly to answer any more questions" said one of the nurses before they walked out, leaving him alone with his thoughts and hopefully be able to actually sort through everything and get back to his 'normal' self.

"It just needs Gil's signature," Azalia spoke, sighing as she closed the file on the recently concluded case. Despite Gil being her father, she maintained a professional demeanor at work. Standing up, she walked over to Dani, concern etched on her face.

"Has anyone heard anything on Malcolm? I've been calling, but they won't answer me," she mumbled, glancing at her phone, perhaps unaware of her persistence.

JT, picking up the phone, broke the tension. "He's awake," he announced, hanging up as Azalia's attention snapped toward him. "If you hold on... or not," he added with a sigh, observing the girl leave the precinct. "She hated him like five months ago," he mumbled to Gil, grabbing his jacket and following the rest of the team.

Arriving at the hospital, Azalia wasted no time, signing the check-in sheet at the front desk. Swiftly locating Malcolm's room, she knocked twice, her relief evident as she entered. "You're awake," she said softly, placing her jacket on the chair. A light laughter escaped her lips as she watched the nurses tend to Malcolm. "I thought JT was messing with me."

Anxiously, she inquired, "Is he good? He's okay, right?" Glancing at the paper in her hands, Azalia sought reassurance about Malcolm's condition.

[lusthurts]

Fic Writers Tag

got tagged by @daisyishedwig, thank you :))

and I'll tag @vrt77 and anyone else who wants to do it!

how many works do you have on ao3?

I only have 10 on ao3, I originally started writing on fanfiction.net in like 2011 or something, and no one will ever get that username out of me lol I would've deleted the account but I don't want to be the kind of fic writer that deletes things just because I'm not proud of them anymore.

I used to cross-post everything from ao3 on there because it's the roots of why I enjoy fanficiton, but I don't anymore, mostly because it's a lot of work and I get frustrated with not being able to tag things + having to write super short summaries.

2. what's your ao3 word count?

currently at 345,703 & will be at about 400k when I finish posting my wip

3. what fandoms do you write for?

Glee, and it's surprisingly always been Glee. That's taken different forms over the years, like there were several years where I wasn't posting anything and was just doing some silly little instagram rp with some great friends I made. But Glee is how I discovered fanfiction in the first place, and it's consistently been the one fandom I feel connected enough to write this much about.

I have dabbled in other things over time - wrote a Girl Meets World fic I never finished, got really into some teen shows like Pretty Little Liars, 90210, Gossip Girl, etc. when I was a teenager. But I've pretty consistently only posted glee fics.

4. top 5 fics by kudos

For Real This Time (280), Something More (180), How Bright We Burn (178), slipped away like a bottle of wine (120), and invisible string (102)

5. do you respond to comments? why or why not?

Yes, I try to respond to every comment unless it's super short/I have nothing to say. I usually try to avoid spoilers, and I generally like to treat comments more as my opportunity to make friends/chat with readers about the characters/the ship/the plot.

6. what is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Definitely 11:11, it's a canon compliant one shot about slushy-gate which basically just involves Sebastian and Blaine both independently being angsty about everything that went down and wondering what went wrong in their friendship, and by the time Sebastian comes around and apologizes, it's too late.

Some of my other one shots don't necessary have happy endings, but they do have optimistic endings, so I think 11:11 is the only one that counts as straight up angst.

7. what's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I think Something More - don't wanna spoil it, but I think that's the nature of writing a fic where the characters are a little older and you can just feel that the happy ending is permanent, rather than when they're teenagers and happy endings can be very short lived.

8. do you get hate on fics?

Not really, and I can be kinda sensitive lol so I'm glad I don't.

Most of the time if I do get hate, it's not criticizing me as a writer but rather criticizing the way the characters are behaving (which I guess is a reflection of me as a writer because sometimes it's because they don't like the way I've written characters), but I can move past that pretty easily because I realize everyone has different head canons, especially for characters like Sebastian who get like less than 10 episodes of canon screen time.

9. do you write smut? if so, what kind?

Not really? I mean, some of the things I've written toe the line between smut and fade to black (like How Bright We Burn, For Real This Time, & The Way I Loved You, mostly) but I like to think I do so in a way that is way more focused on feelings and emotions than what body part goes where. Even in How Bright We Burn where sex is like a very big part of their arc, most of the way you know what's going on is from Blaine's inner monologue or Sebastian's jokes, not so much from me just like describing the scene.

I mostly don't think I'm great at writing smut, and I've found I really like the style of writing about sex that like Casey McQuiston uses in "Red, White, & Royal Blue" where it's not smut but rather indirectly describing what's going down with a huge focus on the emotions at play. If you've read the book, I feel like you'd understand what I mean, but I don't know how else to describe it.

10. do you write crossovers? what's the craziest one you've ever written?

I do not, mostly because there's not really a fandom I'm as passionate about as Glee that I feel like could go well together. I do hope some day I find the inspiration to write a Flash/Glee crossover fic, but who knows. Back in like 2011 when I first started writing fanfiction, I would sometimes include like one or two characters from other fandoms, maybe as like a roommate when a character went to college or as some background character, but nowadays I prefer to write OCs for those purposes.

11. have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of, but who knows honestly. I did have some writing I did on a fandom Instagram at one point + some edits stolen, and it was crazy because they blocked me so that I wouldn't find out but didn't bother to block any of my friends.

12. have you ever had a fic translated?

nope :) I feel like someone asked me once if they could, but I never heard anything back from them after I said yes.

13. have you ever cowritten a fic before?

No, but I did some Instagram RP back in the day that felt very much like co-writing. I had this Klaine RP that really helped me develop the way I write Blaine, and I think I had a Blam one too. But I enjoyed writing the friendships a lot more. I was Blaine and really close with someone who played Tina & someone who played Brittany, so those friendships became super important to me.

14. fave all time ship?

I mean,, my favorite to write is Seblaine and I'm obsessed with them. Their relationship is so special to me and I've never enjoyed writing about anyone as much as I do with them. I've been a Glee fan since I was in middle school when it was still on air, but I never really shipped them to this extent until I rewatched for the 800th time during the pandemic. Since then, they've been my OTP. They're both just very dynamic characters with infinite writing potential, and I love that neither of them is perfect, and there's so much from canon left unsaid that I get to explore. I'm also a sucker for friends to lovers and enemies to lovers, and Seblaine has elements of both.

But some other favorite ships include Wolfstar (Harry Potter), firstprince (Red, White, & Royal Blue), Gallavich (Shameless), Shara & Chloe (I Kissed Shara Wheeler), Evelyn & Celia (The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo), Nick & Jess (New Girl), Barney & Robin (How I Met Your Mother), & Jake & Amy (Brooklyn 99).

15. wip you want to finish but doubt you will?

I honestly don't have many of these, mostly because I tend to write entire projects at a time then move onto something else, at least with fanfiction. But I do have this little spooky halloween one shot au I started like two years ago and haven't felt motivated to finish because I'm just not good at writing spooky things.

I also have this sort of longfic I worked on for a really long time as a way to deal with something going on in my life, but I doubt I will ever finish it or post any of it because it's lowkey traumatic (deals with like car accidents & the death of a child) and I doubt anyone would be interested in reading something like that. It's Seblaine but involves a lot of Glee characters I haven't written beyond brief scenes in like 10+ years, like Finn, Rachel, Quinn, etc.

16. what are your writing strengths?

I like to think I'm good at writing like anxiety and very detailed internal monologues. I sometimes feel like I include too much of it, but it's always come very naturally to me. I also think I've gotten a lot better in the last year or so at writing funny side characters and dialogue in a group setting.

And I think I've gotten a lot better at writing chemistry and building that chemistry over time instead of skipping to the good part right away - the evolution of that skill to me is very apparent in how I wrote For Real This Time vs. How Bright We Burn.

17. what are your writing weaknesses?

lol smut

I also think I tend to not trust myself enough and end up writing exactly what's going on instead of like implying it. I just want readers to understand so bad that I sometimes feel the need to explicitly say what a character is thinking or feeling, which isn't always what you want, especially when it's a character whose POV I'm not writing.

Also I think my sentence structure can be kinda not great. I write really long wordy run-on sentences too often when it should probably be reserved as a narrative device.

18. thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in a fic?

I know a lot of French - I took it for five and a half years and keep up with it on Duolingo so I don't forget anything. I wouldn't call myself fluent, but I can generally understand it in reading and writing. That's the only language I'd be comfortable writing in other than English, which is SO convenient because you know who else is fluent in French? Sebastian ;)

19. first fandom you wrote for?

glee! nothing has changed lol

20. fave fic you've written?

How Bright We Burn! It is my nature that whatever I'm working on at that moment is my favorite thing. I'm really proud of the slow burn in that fic and the character development work I've done for Blaine and Sebastian but also for the side characters like Nick, Jeff, etc. and even my OCs like Ethan. But I'm even more excited about the sequel because it's something I've never really attempted to this extent before, and that's the thing that I'm actively working on since How Bright We Burn is done other than some minor editing.

also gonna shout out 11:11 because I think that is the best job I've ever done with writing angst, and it was both challenging and rewarding for me to write

[forbelobog]

get to know the author behind the blog! repost, do not reblog plz

BASICS.

name: ayla age: i'm a vampire (30s) pronouns: she/they years of writing: collectively, i've been writing since i was in elementary school, but rp? like...like 15, 16 years.

REFLECTION.

why did you pick up writing? when i was in elementary school, there was this program thru the library where, if you wrote a certain amount of pages on this little packet they gave you, you could get your book "published." which basically meant getting the pages you wrote and drew on glued between a small hardcover, no bigger than a regular hallmark card. but they let you do this as many times as you wanted and you would even get extra credit for writing 5+ in a grading period. i started writing about anything and everything. a leaf who didn't know how to fly with the wind. a pig who wanted to find a hat. even a turkey who found a family on thanksgiving who loved him and didn't eat him. fastforward to the internet, i would write stories about horses (i am a reformed horse girl, sorry) in blank notepads. i remember my best friend telling me saddle wasn't spelled with t's, but d's. then, i found message boards in sites like neopets and gogaia, and i really kind of let my imagination go. i picked up writing even before i knew why, i kind of always just wanted to. my mom used to read me and my brother the hobbit as a bedtime story and it was very imaginative, i think that's where the whole fantasy/world building curiosity started. i like making and telling stories. when i found out you could do that with other people, it was game over for me.  do you have any writing routines? i used to, back when i rped a lot more frequently and consistently, but not so much anymore. writing has always been something i enjoy doing and rp is just a hobby; as i got older/more "adult" with "adult responsibilities", i realized i never wanted to stress about rp. i write when i feel like it and never before. tho, when i do sit down to write, i tend to do so in silence/with ambient white noise. i can't focus if i have any outside factors. what's your favorite part about writing? invoking emotion. whether it's happy or sad or angry or confused. i like to be able to reach other people with words. i find writing to be theraputic, in a way. for instance i've been writing a nonfiction about my grandmother for awhile, which i started before she passed based around her dementia and sundowners. it was hard to deal with for me but writing became a way to cope in a healthy way.

THREE THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOUR WRITING.

i. uuuuhhh i guess my scene setting is pretty good? i tend to spend a lot of time with openers making sure there is a reason for why the character is there, what the purpose will be moving forward, and where they are going to currently. i hate it sometimes because i feel like i go on and on about like, a room, but i like to think it helps my partners in the long run. ii. alliteration is my favorite literary tool and i like to think i'm pretty good at it by now. stringing together a good collection of sounds is very fun. iii. idk man this is hard. uuhhhhh i...usually always try to give my partners something to respond to? it's something i had to work on when i first started rping, but not only is your response to whatever the other muse is doing important, but giving THEM something to respond to in a reply is equally important, or else everything kind of falls flat. idk partner feel free to tell me i still suck at it but i have worked on it a lot in the past.

A QUESTION FOR THE NEXT PERSON.

when you find it difficult to write what are some things you might do to help get back into it? if i'm looking to get back in to writing a specific character, i tend to reread old threads regarding that character i've done before, or visit things that make me think of the muse. like a playlist, or watch some cutscenes, or fanart. if i'm just looking to writ something in general but can't find the muse, i put on music that inspires me. john darnielle/the mountain goats is a go-to for me, darnielle is one of, if not my favorite writier, and his songs are so descriptive it makes me jealous. QUESTION: what was the first character you ever picked up to start rping? why did you gravitate to them?

tagged by: @dupliciti tagging: @cloudhymn @wingspiked @spadilled @eteing @ofinflorescence @resolutepath and YOU!!! if you steal this from me please tag me i'd love to read.

[stemms]

My exile wasn’t even the “worst” part of it. I wouldn’t considered it that bad because Dream was always there with me, even when I messed up, he wouldn’t comfort me that often but he did if I seemed extra upset that day. I was pretty sensitive I’ll admit it. Exile was honestly pretty peaceful when I wasn’t in trouble. I even learned how to crochet which I’m trying to learn how to do now so I can make stuff again. I find it kind of funny that the only type of yarn Dream would give me would be green unless I asked a lot for different colors and gave him a good reason. I often made stuff for him and he wore it as well. I’m not quite sure if that was to just make me happy though… I’d say the worst part was the prison and the revival tests, he was really upset at me for escaping exile and he found me at Techno’s house and Techno couldn’t exactly defend me so that was fun. I could tell you about my limbo later cause this is getting long but is there anything you want to share and if you’d ever want to do a double Tommy rp, I’m down, I figure we could both help each other that way or not, whatever you want. I’m looking forward to hearing about your tl.

Honestly, I've always considered my exile not that bad because Dream was always there for me and at least I knew that he wasn't going to abandon me like others did, and I was willing to do and take anything for him, so I completely get it! He once literally gutted me, and the first thought that comes to mind whenever I think about it is “At least he didn't abandon me”. My Dream comforted me much more often and gave me plenty of hugs,,, But sometimes, the sight of my tears only annoyed or angered him, so I could never tell if he was going to comfort or hurt me.

It's really good to hear that you were able to indulge in a new hobby; crocheting sounds fun! It really is funny that he only gave you green yarn, but it makes a lot of sense because he 100% saw it as a way to mark you as his 💚 Awww, it was very sweet of you to make things for Dream! I'm sure he appreciated it because, despite hurting you, he still genuinely cared about you, just in his own twisted way. Not to mention that you making things for him was proof that he meant a lot to you, and that his work was successful.

My hands were too shaky after all the beatings and the times Dream had broken my fingers, so I couldn't do the same, sadly. But at least he was content because it meant that I was more vulnerable and had to rely on him more.

I'm sorry to hear the prison and the revival tests were so painful, but I completely understand because it was the same for me. My Dream never got a chance to find me at Techno's because I never really escaped, but I did build a tower and attempt my suicide. Luckily for me, Dream so happened to be nearby, so he saved me. He was worried sick about me, and the moment I was on the ground again, he wrapped his arms around me and started sobbing because he had nearly lost me, and he wasn't sure yet if the revival book worked. To my surprise, he didn't lash out or punish me, but later on, when he figured out that the revival book worked indeed, he gutted me to show me that I belonged to him, and only he could take my life.

Please do, I'm excited to hear about your limbo! Ohhh, a double Tommy rp sounds really nice, I'd love to do it :) How exactly do you imagine it?

[the-haunted-office]

♥ What’s the WORST thing that has happened to you rp wise?

All right. Rubbing my hands together. I've already talked about the misogyny and being used, this time I'll talk about something that happened a long time ago.

This happened like, I don't know, 15-18 years ago, back when I used to roleplay on AOL instant messenger (AIM) and an ancient blogging site called Xanga.

I'm sorry to say that I used to be into Harry Potter, and as such I used to rp in the fandom. One of my closest writing partners and friends was a gal named Linda. We were such good friends she even flew over from her country to visit a couple times and even came to my wedding.

We were a part of a whole HP rp group where there were a dozen or so members I'd say, some more coming and going all the time, but the core of us was maybe a dozen or so at any given time. We had group chats and group rp's, group events, everything. It was a lot of fun, but as you would expect, not all of us got along. There were a couple of other girls I didn't get along with because they just godmodded and metagamed the shit out of everything all the time, but modding (the ones in charge) then wasn't the same as it is now, and so godmodding was pretty rampant. It was extremely frustrating, so I just avoided these few people as much as I could.

Linda and I used to rp together a lot, day and night. And then a couple of her characters started dating some of the characters belonging to the girls I didn't get along with, and it all went downhill from there. Linda was really heavy into shipping, and with her focus mainly there, the interactions I used to have with her got shoved way off to the side.

I wasn't happy about it and I had confided in Linda about it only to be largely ignored. One day the girls roped me into a group chat with them where I stupidly accepted and thought maybe they wanted to rp something together for fun, but nope. They ganged up on me and wanted to know "what my problem was", so I told them straight that I didn't like them because they were shitty roleplayers, they godmodded, etc. And then I left the chatroom and blocked everybody, including my friend Linda because she was the only one I had been confiding in about my misgivings and she had told them everything.

She and I had each other's phone numbers so once she found out what happened she started calling me nonstop until I answered. We talked and eventually I unblocked her, but things were never the same after that. I just couldn't trust her with anything anymore.

After all these years, it's a distant memory and doesn't hurt anymore, but I still have a bad taste in my mouth over it. I'm sorry to say that it's tainted my view on people who care only about shipping. It makes me feel like my interactions with them don't matter and that I'll always be shoved off to the side, so I generally try to avoid people who are all about shipping. It's not to shame them, because people can rp however they want, but it's for my own comfort. And that's not to say that I don't enjoy shipping myself, because I do, but it's just uncomfortable because of my experiences and makes me a bit wary. I really do try not to let it get to me, though.

[thedovahcat]

Gorillas and the New Year (Plus Price Increases)

Wow we made it to the end of 2023! Somehow...! Barely maybe for some of us.

For me it's been a lot of climbing out of the rat bucket I found myself in last year and the first half of this year. Maybe a little beyond that. I feel like now with college on the horizon, I'm just starting to be able to reach the rim of said bucket. It's been very hard and challenging, but honestly, probably necessary if I was ever going to start breaking any unhealthy cycles in preparation for my new upcoming school years.

This is the last chance I get to actually form some kind of career, something I didn't think I'd ever care about because I was always so willing to throw in the towel, and for a multitude of reasons. I've talked about it before in other posts, my lack of confidence that I was ever smart enough or like...good enough for anything beyond art... and this isn't a dig at art. But I've just had this whole self discovery thing all year where I'm realizing a career in art is not for me. I've been doing this for ten years now, maybe a little less but let's round up, and it's taken me all this time to realize as much. Unfortunately, I just had to go through it in order to realize as much, but it wasn't all bad. I made a ton of friends through it, I got my first full time job from it and gained much, I was able to buy my first car with it, a whole lot of firsts happened because of my skill in art. Not that it's like...spectacular or anything but I'm pretty proud of how far I've come. I don't know where I'll end up with my style, as I want to keep drawing as a hobby, but it's fun seeing it evolve year after year slowly into something I really dig.

Got a little off topic, but yes. So there's been that whole battle, along with the other side of it where I still worry if I'll be able to succeed in this Computer Science path I've chosen. I've met a lot of nay-sayers and doomspeakers about it, but I suppose that's the way it is with near everything. After all, -I've- turned into a doom speaker about an artistic career too. It's hard not to keep that to myself sometimes, only because I just don't want people to end up in the same dead end hole as I have where you can't advance your job anywhere, and you don't have a degree so people are even less willing... Gosh I feel like I've ended up turning into my parents in a way, they're the same. Harsh but fueled by concern. I come off that way a lot unintentionally and I feel bad about it. So I'm trying to combat. It's ...well it's going. It's my whole personality at this point lol.

So there's been those angles, there's been a lot of social changes in my life in regards to who I put my time into and what and where. It's gone pretty good on that front. I'm setting boundaries harder than I ever was before, and even then I'm still a bit shaky on things, but I've got what I call an obsessive mind, so if I don't do anything to help myself, then I'll be ruminating on shit I don't like for the rest of my college years, and perhaps life. And that's definitely not what I need right now. I gotta bring my A game to this and really put my neck out there if I want to succeed like a normal person lol (or whoever those go-getters are called. Something I am definitely not by heart.)

Started playing D&D 5e for the first time with my friends and honestly that's been like the top point of my year. I've been wanting to play for so long but things just never panned out or were a good time for it, and I was scared by all the numbers. I have gotten over my fear of numbers for now by scoring so well on that placement test earlier this year, so lol! Whatever it takes. I just really miss having some kind of group thing to look forward to weekly or maybe every 2 weeks, or whatever the case. Feels good when you feel like you belong somewhere, or people are looking forward to the same stuff you are. Always nice.

And I've started some new RP storylines with people I've known a long time, and unearthed some old ones that had been on hiatus for yeaarss, so that's also been really nice and exciting as well! Sure we're not all glued to the screen 24/7 anymore like when we were younger, but just a little fiction break in between life stuff happening is so welcome. I've been having a super hard time getting this 'escaping-life-through-fiction' thing I have under control, and I won't say that it is.... but it's considerably shifted into RL has taken priority over computer. Which, yes, good. Not that I ever had a problem with -that-. I knew it would be like this when I wasn't working. When I -am- working again though, I won't be so worried. I'll always care more about my irl job than silly things going on online, which is the goal I'd like to reach eventually.

Commissions were really really good this year, I tallied it all up, and even though it only came out to me being able to pay for a semester and 2/3rds, I'm still really really happy so many people have come back over and over to buy from me. It all feels worth it, my art journey. And I'm very much happy to continue it, for my own sake and for your sake! I love seeing your characters and I am very happy ya'll trust me enough with them time and time again. Despite all I've said, I'd be more than happy to offer commissions to people and draw for myself for quite some time yet.

...You're probably still holding your breath about the prices huh?

Sadly, as with anything, now that I have college to think about and, at the moment I can't really mentally handle a real job and school at the same time, I'm going to keep running commissions to do in between my school work (alongside rather). They might come out a little slower, but that's how it'll have to be a while.

At most I want to increase the sketch prices by $5 for each category (bust, half, full), and see how that does until the middle of the year. If it's all well and dandy, I will increase them again by another $5. Originally I wanted to bump it up ten all across the board, but I feel that's too much of a spike compared to what people are used to. Not to mention I'd have to raise the prices of all my other items, which will also see an increase come middle of the year. This plan isn't solid yet so don't hold me to it. I will make the necessary announcements when it's time!

Anyway, I wanted to thank everyone this year for just overall being there and helpin' me out tremendously when I needed it. The efforts are not taken lightly or forgotten, and likewise once I am able, I can't wait to be able to help all of you in the same way ya'll have helped me. Really, aside from financial and life stability lol I honestly miss having a job cuz it allowed me to spoil so many people. I really really miss that. So I'm working hard to get there again.

For now, here's to 2024! Come what may. We'll make it to the end some way or another, so buckle up.

[prismatoxic]

anyway, fun story:

so @captainfkingmagic got into mgs sometime in 2008. we've been together for like 8 or 9 years now and he's mentioned it a lot (and made me watch metal gear awesome a whole bunch) but you'd be surprised how much media you have to share with each other when you get into a committed relationship. there's still a decent handful of things we haven't gotten around to

so, anyway, this year (like 4 months ago?) he got a hankering to play mgs1 again. he has the ps3 collection, and that seemed the best way to play, and he got somewhere after the ocelot fight when our ps3 (which had been having issues previously but we had repaired) started overheating again. to the point of shutting off. now, this ps3 was my ps3, and his ps3 had already bitten the dust some years prior for similar reasons (exacerbated by it being a launch version with bad soldering). so you can imagine how frustrating this was.

well, we had enough money at the time for him to just go ahead and get us a slim ps3. which took like a week to arrive, and, you know, by then i think he could be forgiven for not having the energy to go through mgs1 again up to the ocelot fight. i don't remember when he decided to try anyway; if it wasn't the night the ps3 arrived then it wasn't too long after.

so he finally gets to show me mgs1. all of mgs1. sans the meryl ending, bc fuck that, he went otacon. i mean, i had to see it, right?

needless to say, i was pretty hooked. i liked it a lot but, admittedly, wasn't super jazzed about mgs2 conceptually bc i knew raiden took over. he said he'd wait a few days to start it, then started it like. 1 day later. gamers amirite

anyway, mgs2 was great. hooked me also. but then i wasn't super jazzed about mgs3, bc it wouldn't be about snake and otacon.

anyway, mgs3 was great. hooked me also. but then i wasn't super jazzed about mgs4, because otacon cheats on snake and also snake gets old and dies.

anyway, mgs4 was... fine. like, it wraps up the solid snake arc pretty well, but it's also fucking batshit and there were several plot points and characters who i just found grating. (naomi. i found naomi grating)

so we finish mgs4 and like, okay, that's the solid snake story. fuck rising, and mgs5 is its own whole beast. so i finally said: hey. you wanna rp otasune?

and of course he did, he's been into otasune for like 15 years but never really got into the fandom aspects of it back then. so here's where things get amusing...

see, i've had trouble getting him to agree to fandom rps in the past, or if he does, had trouble getting him to stick with them. he's too oc-brained. which is fine, but after 4 games i was obsessed and i really doubted i'd find anyone better, more interesting, or more willing to put up with my bullshit. so i was like, okay, let's ease into this. we can do a silly little high school au so the pressures of the canon setting aren't present. and, of course, i'd let him play otacon.

...now you may be looking at my icon. and all my otacon posts. and wondering what that was about. well, see, he likes snake and otacon both, and hadn't expressed to me at any point just how much snake was his favorite (or if he had i had glossed over it). so because otacon was my favorite, i think i just assumed otacon would be his favorite, and even though he knew that wasn't true, he agreed anyway. (maybe i sounded like i really wanted to play snake? in truth i was trying to excite myself about it; i wanted otacon, but if i couldn't have otacon, i wanted to want to play snake).

he did say maybe we could switch it up sometime. i thought maybe he just didn't know who he really liked best, but i was happy to agree.

the first rp was fine, but fizzled out fairly quickly, which made me anxious. despite all my careful approaching, it seemed like we wouldn't be able to stick with it. maybe it was for the best; i found snake hard to capture. i wrote a fic in the high school setting to try and satiate myself.

well, eventually he brought up that he'd like to do something in canon instead. he'd been concerned with living up to canon settings in the past, but mgs was so zany that he figured he could handle it. so we picked after the tanker to set a rp. he asked if maybe he could play snake this time.

i found otacon way easier to write, though i was still feeling out what i wanted to do with him. within days we had a new idea. and then another... and another...

and we're still doing otasune rps. the first one started july 12th. at some point he finally said, hey, i never wanted to play otacon, he's not my favorite. and i was like. oh. well i feel silly now. but i have embraced otacon as my little blorbo now that i know i don't have to compete for him, lmao... love is all about sacrifices! it's also about being a fucking idiot sometimes

[mirukimary]

My Art Summary for 2022!

(Under the cut I'll go into more details for each month, for memory's sake. Warning: It's LONG.)

Come one, come all for your opportunity to see all of the drawings I should have posted but never did! The ones that make me work harder every december to remember when tf i drew what! The ones that, in missing, make it seem like i only draw once a year--! (going through my twitter media tab is depressing LMAO)

JANUARY

[Pictured: Iola in Prenda clothing. There was a Twitter Post going around asking you to draw your WoL in your country's traditional clothes. Ofc I didn't skip the opportunity to do it! And drew my BF's WoL too for good measure. Still my fav drawing of the year!]

Also worked on a VTuber model for a friend (i drew it as a bust january last year; then this year was asked to expand it to full body). It was very challenging, but also fun!

For the rest, I designed some backstory NPCs for Asera (Daimyorus childhood friend, his goddess and a mage that helped us multiple times); and drew some twitch emotes for a client. Was a fresh, fun start. I remember having a lot of fun and finding that month quite relaxing.

(Goddess Rondra, Mage Rupin & elf-friend Pedro (RIP))

FEBRUARY

[Pictured: My friend's bunny boi~]

Further work was done on the VTuber model, a lot of parts that weren't quite working before were redrawn. He was taking form!! Now that most of the work was done, also did a ref sheet to go with it. I couldn't wait to see him moving!

That's when I started preparing to open commissions for realz, trying to think of prices and set up examples. I drew some BGs and the Complexity Guide, and set most of the boring things up. I plan to open comms either Jan 2023 or February 2023, so let's hope all the work paid off~

MARCH

[Pictured: 'Smile at the Blue Skies', or "Fuq i need a bust sketch ref for my commission examples page". Sounds a bit less dreamy now, huh? LMAO]

But yeah, most of the month was dedicated to the VTuber model, working to fix it as the rigger found issues. Ref Sheet was finished this month. I'll stop mentioning the model, but the back and forth lasted till june or so?? Had to fix all of his toggles; and redraw his entire hair to allow for a better 3D effect when moving (it went from 3~6 layers to over 20). This was my first time working on vtuber models, so there was A LOT to learn. It surprising how many pitfalls there is in vtuber making. I'm very proud of how it turned out, and eternally grateful to the rigger (and to my friend) for being so patient with me. I was sent a small demo of what he looks like, and seeing your drawing move so beautifully like that feels magical!! There's still much to design and draw before he can debut, but hope you can support him then!

Oh yeah, there was this attempt too:

APRIL

[Pictured: 'With Friends' the commission I worked on through March and April. Extra special because that's my friend & his pets there!]

Also sketched some ideas for illustrations of our RP characters (hi Irene), but never really completed them:

It feels so long since I made these... Double checked like 3 times to make sure it wasn't April 2021 LMAO

I REALLY want to revisit some of these now.

MAY

[Pictured: #XIVARTBASH drawing, featuring Nero.]

Also drew the catgirl from Love2DrawManga. Didn't do much this month (...or did but forgot). I believe I worked on some BGs I can't show, but these are still very much stuck at WIP :(

JUNE

[Pictured: Nia's WoL, Mat. Just a smol gift for someone that brings a lot of joy to FFXIV Twitter.]

So... I completelly forgot I was drawing my OCs outfits [facepalm]:

(Don't mind the two in the corner, I don't want my essay to get hit with Tumblr hammer LMAO They're nowhere near done). But yeah, these are my OCs from 'Elder''. I've had them since childhood, and still love them, even if I gave up on the book idea. Will make an actual post once all is done and I can go back to their character illusts uwu

JULY

[Pictured: Cade from 'Still Shining'. Working on this was an amazing experience~ Won't go on detail bc I already did, but still glad for the experience!]

Instead I'll talk about... Art Fight month!!!

SO.MUCH.FUN

I'm 100% going back next year! This event just proved how much I love drawing people's OCs. I really want to be a commission artist so I can do that for a living. Sadly I didn't get to draw everyone I wanted, plus I wasted a lot of time trying to look through OCs while the website was dying LMAO Next year I'll come prepared!

Also I drew that Spring picture to use as a reference in her profile there. I missed drawing her!

AUGUST

[Pictured: Commission for 'Under Maintenance'.]

Mostly worked on commemorative stuff. Anniversary chibi for Brie; that Under Maintenance pic; Thank You for DL message for 'Loving You Fully' and 'Still Shining'. Also designed some outfits (and painted some sprites) for Mythic Meetup: Midnight Mystery (not released yet!).

Started a bday gift for my boyfriend, but something kept looking 'off' about it so I didn't finish in time. Turns out it was overblended... And will require a redraw. Sorry boyfriend TT But my wife (tm) needs to look perfect!!

Also made the design for our new RP characters:

(mine is the not-cat girl, obviously)

...And I belive this is when I made that cursed Yshtola feeding Zero picture? Yeah.

SEPTEMBER

[Pictured: Witch Torunn]

Made the YCH bases, as well as 3 examples. I have no memories of this month, but Windows says this sketch is from september:

OCTOBER

[Pictured: Old OC redraw, for my Commission Guide. Decided to do it after a client asked for clarification if an old drawing was halfbody or fullbody (august last year, Torunn sitting down).]

They're really old OCs of mine. Ever RP-ed in Deviantart groups? I did!!

Cecilia (<-) is pretty much a Iola prototype: salve maker and potion seller who lives with her dad (who taught her the craft). One day he collapses during work, and Cecilia ends up overworking herself to afford his medicine and other living expenses. In desperation, she joins The Guild as a novice magician for money, and gets herself involved on a war she never intended to join.

Celticca (->) is a archer and aspiring musician who wants to make the most beautiful song (tm) for her family. She's very sweet, but naïve and scatterbrained. I didn't have much planned for her, but had a lot of fun seeing her constantly get involved with Evil/Neutral alligned characters w/o noticing LOL

....Now that I think about it, she's literally a FFXIV bard, before I knew anything about XIV.

The rest of October was focused on Magni's Birthday Project and my YCH Halloween Commissions.

...And THIS:

Halloween pictures of our current RP characters \O/ To go with our halloween session~ Also drew these two for our halloween one-shot:

Ellie (<-) and Hadrianus (->). Ellie is a yandere witch I made as a joke and fell in love with. Hadrianus is my BF's wizard. Yes, he looks like Dr. Strange. Yes, that's the joke. The 3rd character was Rosemary, but I didn't ask to draw her so she's missing :( I do want to draw all of them at some point. We accidentally made "Spy x Family, but it's horror and Loid wants to run away" LOOOL I love this trio!!

Made 2 adoptables, but since they went unsold I decided to remove them and redraw for next year:

(The neutral pose doesn't help them stand out ^^;; Sorry bbys)

Also sketched Julio from Atelier Sophie~

(Hoping to finish it early next year. He's not the only idea I had while playing, but other stuff took priority"")

October was so much fun!! Sadly it let me completely drained by the end of it. I got hit with such a HUGE art block it was like my hands just... Forgot how to draw. Everything came out weird. Sadly, that resulted on me having to drop a drawing I was making for Brie :/ Hoping I can pick it back up soon... (better late than never right?)

It's around that time I decided to work on an AI redraw. Used Crayon (old Dall-e Mini) to create some monstrosity for me and tried to turn it into an actual drawing.

The monstrosity:

The Work In Porgress:

This drawing is a bit painful to look at, because of all the self doubt and bad feelings attached to it. But I want to finish it someday. My prompt was something stupid like 'cute anime girl having fun'. I want to remain true to the prompt and make her meeting with lil ladybug feel warm and fun!

...Like of the feelings I was missing back then, and am just now starting to get back.

TL;DR: Take breaks or you'll break.

NOVEMBER

[Pictured: Chibi Adra for Kyou.]

Managing burnout through most of it. Eventually just decided to stop fighting and played games instead. Even with the frame drops, Atelier Ryza is pretty fun~ Hoping to go bk to it soon.

At some point my boyfriend said I should just draw things to have fun for a bit. I followed his advice...

DECEMBER

[Pictured: Art Party (DracoLunari's WoL)]

...By drawing Iola as a sheep herder. It was much more fun than it sounds. I didn't care for polish at all, just seeing Iola in a cute outfit LMAO It's... A mess of a drawing. But it's MY mess of a drawing. I feel this thought calmed my mind a lot.

Also went for my first ever Art Party. It was fun, tho brain did get in the way after a bit, as expected ^^;;; Still want to go to these more often!! It's fun to draw & chat with others.

For random drawings, all I have is a(n embarrassing) fanart of Elf from Isekai Ojisan. I'll post eventually..... (that anime is hilarious)

For now I have a commission and a collab to take care of, and a certain Moon Goddess to draw as soon as possible~ Will be doing my best these next few days, and hope Iola can be my sheperd and guide me to the path of 'having lots of fun drawing again'.

ONWARDS TO 2023...

May my year be filled with bad drawings that I love;

And good drawings I'm proud of.

May your year give you the same

And everything else you wish for!

Thanks @/Taxkha on twitter for the Template!

[florafound]

knowing your partner well can potentially make writing together a lot easier. ( repost do not reblog ! )

✿ name:  rook ✿ PRONOUNS:    he/they ✿ preference of communication:  discord is honestly easiest, please ask for it. ims are good but they can be lost sometimes bc tunglr's bs ✿ name of muse(s):  Birth name is Sophie Poole, but known as Kit.

✿ EXPERIENCE/HOW LONG (MONTHS / YEARS?):    i've been on tumblr for over 10 years now so....jesus uh....awhile. Quite awhile. I'm thinking I started in middle school so like...16+ years now.

✿ PLATFORMS YOU’VE USED:   i've been on tunglr for 10 years now as i said - and wow holy shit that's....wild. Because it feels like yesterday I was on my other websites -- I also used dreamwidth, some livejournal forums, gaiaonline and my start was with neopets forums.

✿ best experience: i've had so many wonderful experiences roleplaying. it's a great chance to meet and greet with other people. i've found so many good friends who put up with my shit so often. but shout out to meeting @badassxbirdy 10 years ago when I first started roleplaying Mel and the extremely hilarious way Tyler and she met. Demons. Nakedness. Awkward all around. The works. But how that meeting became a friendship that I wouldn't trade the world for is so important to me. I'd love to go back to England and see Emmy again soon and hope the world will let me.

✿ RP PET PEEVES/DEALBREAKERS:    starting with the basic, i'd say most people would agree that hate and drama is a big dealbreaker and I'm one of them. But some of my other pet peeves are people who come into your ask/ims and guilt trip you. And I'm pretty uncomfortable with large amounts of nsf.w, specifically imagery. If your blog is like 3 pages of nsf.w on any given day, blacklist is probably breaking down on my dash and cant block it all. And I'm super easily squicked out by sexual imagery. But that's about it.

✿ fluff, angst or smut:  smut is never an option on this blog. and while I've tried dabbling into it again with my older muses, my fluctuating nature of squickiness about smut can be limiting so it's very very very rare. Of the other two, I used to be well known for writing ONLY angst, but over time I've got much better at writing fluff. But i'm a sucker at exploring trauma, trauma reaction and the emotional outcomes, so more than likely my longer threads are angstier than fluffy.

✿ plots or memes: i want to say both, because plots can be so thereapeautic to see them through. But for me memes are ALWAYS easier to work with. I'm nervous about plotting and can almost NEVER think of anything on the spot when someone says "hey let's plot" and it ruins the vibe. However, if I ever have a thought about our characters or vice versa, I am hELLA ready to slam into DMs.

✿ long or short replies: preference for long replies because I'm a big sucker for novella level emotions. on the other hand, I know I struggle to write a lot. And I'm sure my partner's run into the same thing as well, so sometimes short things are a good way to continue building character dynamics without as much effort or plotting.

✿ best time to write:    when i'm not absolutely dying from exhaustion or mental health issues. I have such a chaotic activity, I'm aware. And I wish it wasn't like that but sometimes my brain just says 'nope' and that's been a lot lately too.

Honestly though, I find that I write a LOT better when I'm at work because when I'm NOT on a call, there's really not much else to do once base chores are done. But at the same time it's at the whim of the EMS gods if I have the chance to sit down and write at all or if I get interrupted in the middle of my flow. Doesn't really matter what time of day though.

✿ are you like your muse(s):   if I'm being honest - most of my muses have SOME bits and pieces of me mixed in. They say write what you know and all that. And as my comfort muse, I'll admit that Kit is a LOT more like me than the rest. While I'm by no means an escaped science experiment that's been brainwashed, a lot of Kit's interaction with the world and in particular her autistic traits, are very heavily based on my own or how I perceived the world in some cases. In other ways we are very different - I am not a nature encyclopedia for one. And also cannot punch to save my life.

tagged: @byanyan & @femtaile tagging: anyone else who hasn't done it, please please please

[letsbeflawed]

Diary...Thing?

So I decided to write a lil diary post things along with my art just so you guys can get to know me better as a person. Good or bad, I thought this would be good for me :3 I also thought my therapist would like to be able to read my experiences. Anyways TW: This will go into some personal trauma related to death. Along with talking about my experience with hallucinations and being a possible system. So something happened awhile back that brought this to light for me. See all my life I've seen stuff, ever since my lil sister died shortly after being born when I was like 6 or 7ish (I don't really remember my age that time was kinda a blur) I saw weird stuff. By weird stuff I'm talking about monsters, shadow people, giant skeletons, moving dolls, the walls melting with human faces that would murmur out words I could never fully hear. When I was young they looked hyper-real, like I could feel and touch them but as an adult they faded. But like I always thought everyone saw this stuff. Then when I learned it wasn't normal I thought it was ghosts or demons. But that was before I got back into fandoms in like 2020-21ish. Cause when I did the shadow men I'd see started looking like fandom characters. And when I say I see them I mean they look like IRL versions with the opacity down to like 30% and they'd talk to me. Sometimes I could hear their voice and sometimes I'd hear their voice in my head. The first instance of this was Wally Darling, like he'd haunt me like I believed for awhile that I was being haunted by him. It was kinda scary waking up to him saying "Hello Neighbor~" at like 2am in a pitch-dark room with him sitting on the foot of my bed blankly staring at me. LIKE thing of nightmares.... But the weird part was that it looked like it could never hold it's form. Like the shadow would crumble back to being a shadow. Now I didn't realize there was 2 of them until I got back into the Undertale fandom. They fully turned into Ink and Error. They were stable in their form and they would follow me around holding hands, cuddling, picking on each other and um... More stuff I don't want to say. Just know it was loving in nature :D That had been going on since 2022, but I didn't think much of it. Like I genuinely thought I made this up and that it's just a really vivid daydreams. That was until I made an alt on Discord of Error and Error disappeared and I blacked out. We were all freaking out, absolutely terrified. We didn't know what happened or why. Ink was scared, Error was afraid and I had no control. It was so scary it still makes me tear up thinking about it. I grew to really love those 2 goobers and seeing them so helpless and afraid broke me. I'm still scared to use that account along with Tupper for rps. I have no idea what will force a shift and it was so emotionally and physically painful that I'm terrified. It was such a traumatic experience... So I went to one of my trusted friends and they explained that what I'm going through might be DID and not a spiritual experience. So I've been seeking help for it, I have a therapist I'm seeing who is trained in this stuff, so I am getting help. Error and Ink are ok. It took a few weeks to adjust but they're good.

But the experience has been surreal, especially talking to them and realizing there's more in there. Like once they found out they could front they ALL wanted to front. I will make posts going into detail what they tell me. Cause a lot of it is very interesting and they have kinda complex interpersonal relationships that I had no clue existed. Anyways thanks for listening <3

[pretttydemonwrites]

Thoughts - June 4

Happy Pride Month Motherfuckers!

My writing has been pretty sporadic for the past couple of months. I'm not surprised really, I knew that setting a goal to write every day was going to ultimately wind up with missed days, but that was never really the point of this anyways. Whether I do it every day, every other day, or a couple times a week or whatever, I've already written way more this year than I think I've written in...let's just say it's been a while.

I'd like to expand on why that's happened, why I found myself falling out of love with the thing that I straight up decided to major in while I was in college. (Hint: college definitely had something to do with it)

I pinpoint the start of my love of writing around the age of eleven. At the time it was all My Chemical Romance self insert fanfiction and typical My Immortal style vampire stories. A little after that, I started branching out into doing text RP on Gaia Online and that's when I made my first real OC, Cassandra. Stuck her in a less than savory asylum themed roleplay and that particular group I would go on to do several different plots with. That was all through middle and high school, and those roleplays fueled my writing. I still wrote some MCR fanfiction during that time too, but I was branching out! Original stories, original characters, poetry, hell I did NaNoWriMo in like...2011 for the first time and fuckin crushed it.

I was pretty confident about my writing honestly. My friends and I liked it and that's kind of all I gave a shit about. When I started contemplating going to college and eventually decided to major in creative writing, that's when things started to take a bit of a turn.

For one thing, I don't particularly enjoy criticism! I also don't enjoy being told what format/genre/etc to write in, and when you get into advanced creative writing classes (at least at my college) then they usually focused on specific genres. For instance, I took a novella writing class, and a one-act playwriting class, and a....poetic playwriting class? Gun to my head I couldn't tell you what that one was officially called.

Now, obviously I recognize that the point of these classes was to allow you to branch into different formats, learn the conventions of them and use that knowledge to strengthen your skills. But I was a stubborn bastard and I only wanted to write my stuff.

That being said, my work often felt like it was undermined and looked down upon because my influences were very obviously YA/fanfiction/genre fiction based, whereas everyone else seemed focused on being as pretentious as possible, trying so desperately to be the next great white male author. I was resentful of that, and couldn't understand why my writing was seen as immature in comparison to my peers.

Long story short, I think those feelings kind of festered in me all through college so that, by the time I graduated, I had no intentions of ever turning my writing into any sort of career. I felt discouraged and pretty hopeless about my prospects, so once I was out, I was more concerned with figuring out how I was going to survive and pay rent, and I knew that my writing wasn't going to pay those bills. So I just...let it go for a while.

I'd write something here and there, sure. I think I might have even tried to submit a couple things. By and large though, what once consumed a vast majority of my free time was became something of a past life. "Back in the day I was a writer" and such.

And yet, it was still always one of the first things I would tell people if they asked me about my interests. ("Oh I'm a writer. What have I written lately? HAHAHAHA!") I couldn't let that part of my identity go. It had been a huge part of me for half my life, how could I abandon it?

So it was there, always, even if I didn't do anything with it. And then I got into DnD and other TTRPGs and I was doing text RP again and I realized that....I can still write? I'm still an actual writer? And I could write again if I really wanted to, if I could find a way to push past the discouraged feeling in my gut.

So that's what all this has been for, really. I could go on for a while about this complex relationship I have with writing, but it honestly feels so fucking good to be back in it, to be back working at something again. It's not perfect, I've definitely forgotten a lot of the useful shit I did learn in college, but I think that I could get there again.

If you read through this whole thing, I can only assume that you related to it in some way and if so, I hope you're coming out on the other side of things feeling hopeful for yourself too. Thank you, as always, for reading.