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alexanderwales · 4 months

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Book Review: Metropolitan Man

[content warning: sexual violence]

It's been 10 years since I wrote Metropolitan Man, and last night I read it for the first time in almost that long. Since writing it, I've written over 4 million words, and hopefully, grown as a writer. I've also forgotten parts of the story, so was looking at it with as fresh of eyes as possible. These are my overall thoughts.

I should say, before I start, that I've read tons of comments and discussion on this story over the years. I don't know how many of these thoughts are my own, or how much I've internalized things that people have said.

Writing Style

There were lots of changes I thought about making while reading, but people hate change, and this story is about ten years past when I wanted to be making editing passes on it. In many places I kept thinking of little extras I would add, things that would make the dialogue pop a little more, or provide characterization. I had this idea for a line where I describe Lois typing out two letters like she was letting loose with both barrels of a shotgun. There's dialogue to clean just a bit more, a few places where words are repeated or something is just a bit awkward, and where it could have been tighter or more clear.

The biggest thing that stood out to me was how little time got spent on scene setting and how short some of the snippets were, just five paragraphs to get a scene across before we're onto the next thing. I might have webserial brainrot, but those are definitely places where today I would give a little more breathing room and maybe use the same amount of words to describe something in a more oblique and stronger way. One that stood out as a clear example was a private investigator going home with Jimmy Olsen even though she was done pumping him for information, which could have been twice as long and benefitted from it. Another was a brief little thing about a Superman spotter on the roof, where I'd now describe everything he was doing, and only get to the conclusion of "he was a Superman spotter" at the end of the section to let the reader have this mini mystery of what they're being shown and why.

I would describe things more if I was writing this today, trying to get those nicely tight and evocative descriptions and ditch the stuff like "she wore a white blouse", but I often feel that way about stuff that I'm revising from last week, so it's not surprising.

The plot is very tight, which is good. I tend to prefer my plots tight, but it takes work, and webserials aren't conducive to it because it's difficult to know when you're writing a scene whether it's really pulling its weight as far as moving things forward. The initial idea for MM was to move as cleanly as possible through a series of events: Superman -> Superman is invincible -> Superman is Clark Kent -> Clark Kent grew up in Smallville -> the ship is in Smallville -> the ship has a Kryptonite power source -> Kryptonite can kill Superman -> Superman is dead. The only thing that would make it any faster would be if we dropped the Lois Lane subplot, but that's like half the novel.

Superman is OOC

I've gotten tons and tons of comments on this story over the years. If I hated myself, I would go back through my email and count them up, but there are some death threats and "kill yourself"s in there, and I prefer not to reread them. The major thing that people hate is the ending, which I don't care to talk about, but the other major thing is that Superman isn't Superman.

In this, I largely agree, but then, I'm pretty sure I've always agreed. That said, Superman has had a ton of interpretations over the years, and there's a wide range of acceptable behavior from "a Superman", even if we're not counting the really out there variations like Red Son or some of the alternate timelines.

... but I still would probably make him more like a canon Superman if I had to do it all over.

There are a few things that raise red flags at the beginning, which is where I think they're inexpertly placed. Superman takes Lois off the roof and flies her around, making her very afraid, and this is fine, I think, a misunderstanding that might be stronger if we got his insight into what was happening before we got hers to help bridge some of the disconnect there and characterize them both better. But there's a little note after that, where Clark makes a joke about "Superman's girlfriend Lois Lane" that I think is a HUGE red flag, and which probably comes too early in the story. It would be better as a joke someone else made that Clark laughs along with, which raises the red flag to half mast.

The other major moment I would change is when the bombs start going off. Superman pulls back, unsure whether he's actually immune to mustard gas, and I think this is one of the moments that most goes against the character of Superman. Canon Superman would just say "welp, guess I gotta find out whether I'm immune to mustard gas in a hurry". Superman making the argument that he doesn't know the bounds of his powers and so should exercise caution reads as either cowardice or as him being way too bitten by the rationality bug.

This would then obviously have to change the plot of that section a bit, because in the novel as it stands right now, Superman is convinced by Lois Lane that he can't just sit on the sidelines for game theory reasons. Better to either scrap that section or have Lois convince Superman that for game theory reasons he should offer to have testing carried out against him in a way that doesn't harm civilians, which canon Superman might submit to if it saved lives. Then the rest of the plot can proceed as normal, because Superman is immune to everything and that's the whole plot beat anyway.

I'd definitely clean up some of Superman/Clark's dialogue to nail the character voice better, but I don't think it's that bad, and it's mostly a few places where the wording is off. I think in particular the points where he's feeling anger go too far, and are not how someone internally conflicted about the anger might talk.

And then, oh yeah, Superman punches a guy's head clean off, which I think is the biggest sticking point for most people.

I've thought about that scene a lot. I personally like it. But if I were ever trying to sell this story to DC, it's one of the things I would almost certainly change. Superman doesn't kill, except in that one movie that came out just before this story was published where Superman snapped a guy's neck.

The change I am most happy/comfortable with is that Whitman, the governor whose children were [REDACTED], is the one to kill Calhoun. This happens just outside the courthouse with Superman watching and not intervening in the slightest, or maybe catching the bullets as they go through Calhoun so no bypassers get hit.

I don't know, as I type it out, it doesn't have the same weight to it. It's not cool. It's not a watershed moment. Maybe there's a plot thread to pull there, where Superman has tacitly endorsed other vigilantes, and it would be a great time to pull in other mundane street-level heroes ... but that's an entirely different story at that point.

Another option is for Superman to simply fly off with Calhoun and put him away, but that lacks punch too, and gets talky, and ... it's about the rage, right? The feeling of injustice, not just at Calhoun, but at the entire world, and it's not just an unhappy side effect that there's blood everywhere, all over the clamoring press, that's part of the point.

Social Justice

I really enjoy how wide-ranging the novel is, and how many things it touches on. Good job me. There was a line I had completely forgotten about where Lois asks "Why doesn't Superman stop abortions?" that I had completely forgotten I had ever written, and which brought a big smile to my face (but no wonder some Superman fans hate this story).

There are a few other things that I raise my eyebrow at a little bit, at least sitting here in 2024. There's a particular line that Superman gives when talking about this whitewashed mural of the past they're walking by, and he says "It's easy to forget that slavery ever happened, you know?" Now, I will grant you that this is a part of a conversation where he's saying that maybe he should have been a better student of history, and is saying this as a white guy in 1934, but I wanted him or someone else to tear that statement apart. It never really happens.

"It's easy to forget that slavery ever happened [if you and your people have not been affected by slavery]". The novel takes place ~70 years after the end of the Civil War, which means that when Clark was growing up there would have been freed slaves who were in their fifties, probably many of them in Kansas, though Smallville is (notably) small. I don't know, it wouldn't have been historically accurate for them to have a discussion of privilege, but there's way more meat on that bone, and it's all left as subtext.

Also probably the case that if I were writing it now, I would pay more attention to race in general, but that I'm less sure on, because it would mean some major structural changes to be done well. There's a single black guy in the whole thing, who is barely a character and has no speaking lines: the farmhand Ma Kent has before he gets lured away with the promise of being an actor. I have never felt that any novel needs racial balance to it, but if you're going to be talking about slavery and whether Superman would have done anything about it, you start to make black people look like props, which is not a good look.

I mean look, I think it's fine for a given story to not actually take a stance on political issues or have a diverse cast, but this story goes from abortion to the Equal Rights Amendment to Prohibition to Nazis to the death penalty, and then despite being set in 1934 sort of talks around the subject of how shitty race relations were. As a white guy, I never feel comfortable talking about race, but I think it would have been appropriate to have here in more than the cursory way it was handled. But the cast is just not that large, and the way that modern Superman stories handle that is usually making Jimmy Olsen black and then not actually talking about the fact that he's black so it's just a palette swap, which I don't think would work here, especially since Jimmy is such a bit character, and also it's 1934.

Sexual Violence

Alright, I will say it: there's too much sexual violence.

Chapter 7 is when the two Whitman kids get kidnapped. Their driver gets his throat slit, the boy gets dismembered, and the girl gets raped. I knew it was coming and I was still horrified by it.

I would not remove this part. I would foreshadow it better with a few scenes with Calhoun, the brutes, etc., and I might change some of the details to be a bit less awful and gruesome, but I don't think I would remove it. There are a few core ideas here that I think all work:

The better class of criminal has left the city now, and all that are left are the worst of the worst, the people who will not respond to incentives or symbols or rational thought.

If you cannot strike at Superman's physical self, you strike at his mind instead, and one of the ways to do that is psychic damage. In Calhoun's case, this is irrational, a pure desire to hurt Superman in any way possible while his empire collapses.

The amount of evil in the world is enormous. The pain and suffering cannot be comprehended. I love what Superman says, that this isn't really unique, that these things happen to children all the time. He's upset about not being able to save them, but they're a drop in the bucket.

I think you have to be careful with sexual violence, whether it's depicted or hinted at or just briefly mentioned. There are tons of people who are not on board with that in their media, and even of those who are on board, it has to be handled carefully and can feel very cheap, as though you're just going to the worst and most transgressive thing you can think of for the shock value. People will see it as lazy and trivializing and making entertainment out of this horrible thing.

I think the world is shit. I think terrible things happen. I have always felt both oppressed by the weight of evil in the world and powerless to stop it. I think that's the thing that I'm gesturing at here, and it feels weird to me that sexual violence would get put on a pedestal as the one thing too horrible to mention, even though we're mentioning all the most horrible things.

How do Superman comics and shows and movies deal with this? My impression is that they don't. Surely Superman must be stopping rapes from happening, but I cannot think of a single time I've seen it happen. I'm actually having trouble thinking of a time it was implied to happen. I think this is probably a good idea on the part of the people who make these bits of media, but it's absolutely not realistic if you're thinking about how Superman would operate in the "real world". Sexual violence happens, child abuse happens, and I guess we just sort of assume that these things are dealt with by Superman off-screen.

Though ... I mean it impacts the characters, right? Does Superman not have a trauma response? Does he have a superpower where he can bottle it all up? He's definitely too late to stop certain crimes, and he definitely can't make things better for some of the victims, and I guess in the comics when he shows up to a burning building he generally has a 100% success rate and people come out with only minor injuries, but ... alright, this is definitely the sort of thing that led me to write this fic in the first place.

It's a question that the fic doesn't have an answer for: how do you go on living when you know that there's so much evil in the world?

I think dialing that particular scene back is, maybe, fine. But it's the sort of thing that would feel like I was being less authentic in a way, as though I wanted to grapple with the big questions but not that one, wanted to consider ethics and morality but silo myself away from things that actually are on my mind. I see the point of blunting that scene, and I rebel against it because I don't want to be blunted, I want to be sharp.

I would, however, remove a lot of the earlier references, or blunt those, because they didn't need to be sharp. There are, before the Whitman stuff, about five references to sexual violence, and maybe even just using "sexual violence" would be enough, rather than "rape". One of these references is to what crimes Superman is statistically most likely to stop, another is to a plot to besmirch his name, both can be massaged or they can go.

I don't know if I think about these things differently because time has passed or I've had a bunch of discussions about these issues, or whether it's just having the outside view. It's weird to think about what a conversation with myself would look like, if we were working on the story together.

Retrospective

I understand why Superman fans sometimes hate this story. There's the Superman OOC stuff, sure, but there are also a lot of questions about Superman that apply to canon equally well, and people hate that. Superman is a fantasy, maybe the ultimate comic book fantasy. He stops crimes and bullets bounce off him! You're not supposed to think about his stance on abortion rights. You're not supposed to look at the Clark Kent mask and say 'huh, that's strange'. I mean it's media, you can do whatever the hell you want, but if Superman is a fantasy, then there are a lot of questions that are fantasy-ruining.

I stand by the story as written about 80%, which is higher than I thought it would be, though there are certain things that I stand by more than others. There are certain structural changes and many line-by-line changes, and I'm glad that I didn't have the story open in edit mode, because it would have taken me three times as long to read and when I hit "save changes" people would grumble about archives or bad changes or whatever, because you can't please people.

About five years ago, I started writing A Common Sense Guide to Doing the Most Good, which was meant as a companion piece to MM. It ended up being all mechanics, no plot, and the plot that I wanted it to have was divorced from the center questions it wanted to answer. It didn't feel as grand, I guess, and the cats were out of their bags a little too quickly.

One of the Answers that MM gives is that the thing you should do in the face of overwhelming evil is to grind relentlessly, grind until your bones are scraping the grindstone and there's nothing left of yourself. The story does not believe this answer, but it's one of the places I ended up ten years ago, and am still sort of at now. The other answer is to live as best you can, be aware of the evil and do what you can against it without letting the idea of it (or the battle against it) consume your soul.

When I was finished reading, I kind of wanted to write an uncritical Superman comic. Something where Superman can be as his most loyal fans see him, someone who is Good and doesn't often have to grapple with what Good means, where the thorny edges of moral quandaries never come to light and the hero is always there in the nick of time. Where Clark Kent is a bold and noble expression of humanity rather than a deception and a mask. Maybe I will go do that.

#fanfic #metropolitan man #book review

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sucrealacreme · 2 months

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Supe Busters - Soldier Boy x female reader

Chapter Four

Summary : Vought has many secrets, project W is one of them. What happens when said project turns against them?

TRIGGER WARNING : Mention of sa (🍇), and graffic description of violence. At the second paragraph of Ashley. You are warned

Tonight was a normal one like every others. Same routine, same job. Except this night you were paired up with the “legendary Soldier Boy”.

Joint at the mouth, gun at hand, you couldn’t deny he looked incredibly good. If he wasn't such a dumbass and an assho-

“What did you say?” Ben turned to look at you with an intrigued expression on his already high looking face.

“I said nothing, the fuck you on?”

“Alright sweethearth lose the attitude before I fuck it out of you.” He said before taking a little puff. Who the hell does he thinks he is to talk to you this way?

“Alright, do you even know what we're about to do to act this way? Cause you seem clueless big Guy.” You were already over it with his attitude. For God's sake you were about to kill Shockwave. The guy assaulted three women repeatedly, and since the authorities weren't doing something, you would bring justice to his victims.

“Mind telling me again doll?” Ben said with a smirk. God he looked good. Not in a “I want a Quick fuck with you” way but more of a “I wouldn't mind Building a life with you” kind. He made you feel safe, I mean he’s a supe of course. But knowing he almost killed Homelander was sort of reassuring. She felt like she could breathe with a man like that. If you put aside his crimes, his old viens, and the trauma he comes along with. Oh no, you were lost in your thoughts again. Focus Y/n, it’s a life or death situation, not a dating one.

“Alright uhm, we have to eliminate Shockwaves and dissipate his remains. That’s my part. First, I’ll- hold on. Didn’t I tell you like ten minutes ago?”

“Yeah sorry, I’m just messing with you”He said while laughing.

Oh he was messing with you. You really hated when people did that, reminding you of your high school years. Sure, he probably didn't mean it in a mean way but it always made you feel self conscious. Like you were too dumb to get jokes.

You sudden quietness, made Soldier Boy confused. He heard you were quite the talkative person. Why were you so quiet? Did his joke offend you or something? Women and their times of the month, hormones fucking up everything. Tell you what, if it was his decision to make only, he wouldn’t such a sweet doll on the field like that. Too beautiful and pure to be messed up by war and fights.

It wasn’t the first time he saw you. He often saw you follow him throughout his missions. You always thought he didn’t notice you, but instead of you keeping an eye on him, it was him that was keeping an eye on you. He always made sure no one followed you, always breaking every security cameras. The first time you stalked him, he asked Butcher about you. He told Ben that you were a villain, a new set of toys for Vought to play with. You were unconsciously controlled by them, made to push fear into the population. Making them yearn for a bright hero to save them, salvage them.

Your abilities were simple, you could control atoms. Make them turn solid, liquid, into gaz, transform them, break them in half for energy, really anything. But, like every villains you had many weakness. Using those powers costed you a lot of energy. Not nuclear type of energy, just good old human energy. You could days on end if you pushed yourself too far. If you were his, he'd make sure you'd be at home, cooking, taking naps, and just being a happy little wife. Maybe one day who knows. Maybe one day

Ashley was at home when she injected the V. Her bones broke, her skin teared, her hair all grew back at once and her eyes were bloodshot. She was now on the floor, her breathing barely there. Tears kept making their way down her pale cheeks, just like the rain droplets on her window. She couldn’t move much, so she just laid there looking at them. Despite the pain, it was almost peaceful.

The lighting was warm and low, the sound of the raging storm outside along with her laboured breath and her tears hitting the floor were making her more and more sleepy. Maybe she could take a nap. Her fligjt was in three days after all and she took a one week long vacation months ago.

It was planned a long time ago, the fleeing I mean. After what happened between her and The Deep, she could barely get out of bed.

Why did he do that?

“Alright, we have to be really quiet ok. If he hears us we're fuc-”

*She wants that laffy taffy, that kiss Kiss kiss kiss-”

Your phone was ringing. Did Florence changer your alarm again?

“Fuck, hello?”

Ben had to take deep breaths not to laugh. What kind of goofy pussies would put that as an alarm and expect people not to laugh? It sounded like something the cum guzzler would do. Oh yeah, he probably has some lame ass phone ring.

“Hey,hey,hey, what do you mean a distraction?”

“Fuck,fuck,fuckkkk, we’ll be there in five ok o-o-or even less alright” You stopped the call and turned towards Ben.

“We have to go to the ‘Flat Iron Building’. That’ where your team is, do you know where it is?” You were becoming more and more agitated by the minute. Apparently the whole Shockwave allegations were false, and made to be a distraction for a Vought operation at the building where The Boys resides.

“Hey slow down angel, what's going on?” Ben knew one thing at that moment. If something dangerous was coming, he wouldn't be caught dead not protecting you. For some reasons, he was attracted to you like a magnet. Almost like a gravitational pull. But whatever it was, he wouldn't lose it. It grounded him, reminded him hewasnX't in Russia anymore.

Martin was one thing and one thing only at that moment. Stressed the hell out. If Vought happened to stumble on the files about them they would be dead in the next hour. He couldn't let that happen. No. His daughter wouldn't go through that.

Martin was aware of how it felt to live with an absent father. He would and will fight without anything stopping him to make sure Janine could live the best life.

And if that meant he had to flee the country or betray Butcher, the choice would be easy regardless.

It was 10 pm when Ashley finally broke out of her transe. Forehead covered in sweat, head pulsing like a heart, she went to take a shower. She felt so happy to be able to wash her hair again. To be able to put shampoo and conditioner on them and then let her hands brush through them. After that, she did her nightly routine before going towards her bedroom.

There, she started packing a few things for her great departure. Passport and essentials. She wasn't bringing her phone, her clothes or any cards with her. Cash only. She’d buy a new phone and clothes in Berne. She was scared Vought might have put airtags in her clothes. She saw them do it to even the most insignificant employe like the guy at the coffee shop in the building. So why would she be spared?

“Going somewhere Ash?”

That voice.

No.

Not again.

Ashley lunged at The Deep and the fight started.

“YOU RUINED MY LIFE YOU FISH FUCKER! I WASN'T AWARE YOU UNDERSTAND THAT?” A hit.”

“I WAS DRUNK AND HIGH OUT OF MY MIND! YOU RAPED ME YOU DISGUSTING FUCK! FUCK YOU KEVIN FUCK YOU YOU BASTARD” She screamed while beating him to death. She suddenly let out the loudest, most primal, guttural scream he heard. And in an instant, Kevin was gripping his ears, under the mercy of an unbearable pain. His ears, his eyes started bleeding. Ashley screamed louder and louder while punching him like a gorilla.

“STOP” Down. Up. Down. And up. his legs were broken, bones poking out like branches

“ASHLEY PLEASE I'M SORRY” Down. And up. And down. And up. Ashley felt euphoric, like she was freeing herself from years of pain. Kevin Torso broke under the hits, a rib stabbing his hearth.

“Ashley, please…” his face was now pale, his mouth pooling of the scarlet liquid. Then suddenly, nothing.

Ashley killed The Deep.

Ashley killed her rapist. With her own hands and voice.

Justice was finally served.

When Y/n entered the Flat Iron Building, she smelled the compound V. Actual compound V. Not temp V, not the thing flowing through the Supe Busters veins. No, real, fresh compound V.

Oh how she could recognize that one. She had been tracking that one for a while now. Along with Soldier Boy of course. Ben was a side quest, something to occupy her free time. But that one? Tek Night? Now that was another thing. She had been careful with that one. After all, his senses were extremely heightened.

She had her smell covered, Florence bending the light for her to be invisible, her sounds also muffled by the latter. So to know she finally had a chance to end him, she was more than ecstatic. He was a violent, racist piece of shit. He had caused multiple tragedies by accusing the wrong people, exploding things left and right, abusing both men and women. The whole abuse thing was common in the supe community. That's why Vought protected them so much. Can't really sell the whole hero narrative if 90% of your “heroes” have sexual assault cases uh?

Pulling yourself out of your thought you signalled Ben to go before you. After all he had super strength, not you. You needed someone to distract the guy while pulling out the compound V.

Walking up one stair at a time, shield at one hand and gun in the other, Ben was ready to attack. When they arrived at the right floor, Ben put you at a safe distance before opening the door. There, he saw Tek Knight looking out the windows.

“I heard you miles down, you aren't very subtle you kn-” He was cut off by an unending agony. It was spreading through his head, hands, legs, everywhere.

“HEY HEY HEY STOP IT URGH..W-WE CAN T-TALKK”

“I don't speak to supes .” You said before ripping the V out of his body. You turned it to the simples thing : water.

“NO PLEASE PLEASE” He didn't know what he was begging for, but seeing how Soldier Boy was walking forward slowly like a predator at his prey, he knew he was dead.

And he was. Ben put the gun at his belt, took the shield with both hands and crashed it agaisnt his skull. His bones made a loud cracking noise. And Ben repeated the action four times. You were now in charge of putting the body away. That wasn't hard. You simply turned him into air. No traces. No evidence. No suspect.

Just panic that would surge in a few days.

A/n : I wrote this as best as I could, again leave 10 notes in order to have the fifth chapter, hoped yall liked it😊

@demodemo909 @weaponxgames

#soldier boy #soldier boy x reader #the boys #the boys x reader #jensen ackles #soldier boy x you #the boys x you

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maya-the-skaven · 10 months

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Much Ado About Rats: Speculative Skavenology

CW: there will be a couple of paragraphs discussing topics related to pregnancy, rape and sexual violence

Greetings everyone and welcome to the second post of my series of posts that will talk about my head canon about the Skaven and the worldbuilding behind the fan fic I am writing about them in the Warhammer: Age of Sigmar setting. In the previous post I have talked about some of my motivations for writing a Skaven story and complained about their near absent characterization. The story is about a small band of Skaven, who essentially tread the line between being villain and anti-hero protagonists, while exploring what would change if you’d yank them out of their society without a clear way inside.

However, before going onto the more social, world and character related tangents, I would like to talk about some of my head canon about Skaven biological and psychological function that is essentially aimed to diversify the range of their base characterisation. Without establishing this diversity and possibilities it’d be a chore having to explain and argue with everyone who’d read further information why the Skaven in my fic do not necessarily conform to the very generalistic description of Skaven from some of the very few sources we have about them. I will try to argue for expanding possibilities for the Skaven characters, without necessarily breaking the character of the Skaven faction on the wider average too much. True, my ideas are purely head canon, but in absence of any real nuance is it really that bad to treat it as incomplete information that could be expanded upon, rather an end-all of their lore? My fic is not for the extreme lore purists, but by their standards many Black Library writers would be egregious lore heretics as well, if only they didn’t have the GW stamp of approval.

The established lore on Skaven bodily and mental functions is actually incredibly limited. While we have an established description that portrays them as nearly universally extremely short-lived and deranged there is very little in the way of both nuance and diversity. This is also connected to my gripe from the previous post - that the Skaven are multiple, chaotic, diverse on societal level, but individually nearly always very homogeneous on every other level, to a point where it doesn’t make sense, statistically if for any other reason. In any case, this limitation makes it very hard to write compelling stories and compelling characters that aren’t entirely focused on the current situation, emotions and characters at hand. A story that has a continuity, longevity and is intertwined with the larger world, where we explore the questions of change, escape, relationships and minds, would probably not be very compelling if we knew that, with an extremely high probability, all our characters are just fated die without having lived or changed in a few years, only because that is our fundamental biological constraint. Similar is the notion of being ontologically/genetically evil, it’s a constraint that by design precludes interesting stories, unless you want to focus on the situation and not the characters. This is why I want to discuss how more nuance could be introduced for Skaven biology/psychology, without necessarily dismantling their character at large as species, which are certainly a part of their charm, but also give us the opportunity to use this newly established diversity to write more about them.

So, for one, I want to talk about their lifespan.

They are described to have the lifespan of literal real life rats, without any real nuance as to underlying reasons, with only exceptions reserved for those most powerful using warpstone alchemy to prolong their lives. My head canon and my fic’s worldbuilding makes a very fundamental assumption about Skaven lifespans to expand on this. This fundamental assumption to the question of Skaven life expectancy is actually very basic - that it is mainly informed by environmental factors, rather than genetics. It is basic, yet it changes so much for what you can do with your characters now that they don’t have to worry about their immediate natural limits to life expectancy if they don’t have access to warpstone alchemy. It is now perfectly possible to say that their short lifespan is an average across millions rather than an actual biologically informed upper limit, kind of like how human average life expectancy was much shorter in the ancient times (but, of course, Skaven lives are even shorter and for different reasons). At the same time it doesn't really break the general characterisation of Skaven en masse having short and miserable lives. I will also explain why this assumption makes much more sense than their lifespan being enforced by some kind of genetic limit.

First of all, it is quite obvious that Skaven aren’t literal real life rats, they are described to be very humanoid in most aspects, much closer to actual humans in terms of anatomy, physiology and internal functions than they are to rats.

Very close, in fact. That, together with the fact that larger animals and close human relatives just generally exhibit a very strong trend to having longer lifespans, makes me think that lives lasting a couple of years for most Skaven could not be primarily genetic. Additionally, while metabolism, growth rate and gestation periods correlate with lifespan, this is mostly due to mediation of a whole variety of additional biological factors and is very often additionally informed by evolutionary strategy, so you have quite a lot of exceptions to the trends. For Skaven no exact information is present apart from it being fast, but, again, Skaven are by large humanoid and those metrics by themselves mean little.

In the end, there is also not really any information related to Skaven lifespan genetics. Magic also complicates things, like elves having near infinite lifespans. But we shouldn’t treat the absence of evidence as evidence of absence for anything relating to Skaven biology, especially when their environmental conditions actually explain very well the reasons for short lives. I’ve always been a fan of speculative biology and evolution and I think it definitely has a place in fantasy settings, even when we generally have much more flexibility with realism. In the end genetic explanations are absent and don’t make sense on reflection without relying too much on magic (even for a fantasy setting), while the environment provides a good explanation for the state of things.

So what about the environment? Well, being a Hive World/Forge World Manufactorum serf would probably be a paradise compared to what the majority of Skaven laborers endure, especially the slaves. Truly, at least corpse starch supply is usually stable, your supervisors don’t usually execute you if you keep your head down and meet quotas, you can sleep your 2-4 allocated hours of sleep without an overwhelming fear that someone will slit your throat, your working environment was at least initially built not to fall apart from every malfunction and your co-workers aren’t looking at you thinking of devouring your corpse raw. Compare that to Skaven, where even regular clan rats exist in a situation of rampants starvation and disease, barely ever getting any sleep at all, constantly performing extremely hard labor in extremely unsafe conditions and have to constantly watch their back not to become someone else’s meal, with slaves just always indiscriminately utilized to complete exhaustion and death even when preserving labor would’ve made more sense.

Other Skaven are used as extremely expendable soldiers that are put to near constant warfare with much of the same conditions, like disease and starvation (just remember how big of a proportion of casualties humans used to have due to disease rather than direct combat prior to industrial revolution). Most often they are used as both simultaneously. Skaven barely ever produce any food, at least not in quantities necessary to feed their population, they have an entire clan that just intentionally spreads disease and their socio-economics are anchored around an extremely carcinogenic and reactive material that they use as a drug, facilitate reproduction with and indiscriminately add into every piece of technology. I highly doubt anyone would survive more than a few years in such an environment, the lowest rungs of Skaven society where coincidentally most Skaven reside are structured akin to some of the worst penal labor camps and slave industries in human history. So you have beings that are forced to immediately perform hard manual labor or conduct warfare after just a brief period of infancy with no effort at all to create any livable conditions, if anything effort is put into making those conditions lethally insufferable, intentionally or not. You could say that the Skaven are #1 employer for child labour in all of the Mortal Realms.

The main thesis of this line of thought is: take a Skaven that wasn’t born out of some warpstone-mutated flesh blob, feed and clothe them, give them medicine and a healthy work-life balance and they *might* live much much longer, if not up to a human’s lifespan then perhaps at least a few dozen years. Of course we know this thought experiment would pretty much never happen, however the redefinition of this constraint from genetic to environmental gives us lots of possibilities for variety among Skaven. If anything, we already know that cases of long-living Skaven, that do not have the same kind of access to life-prolonging magic that the leadership does, exist.

Similarly, I would say the environment primarily informs the supposed incredible metabolism of Skaven. The Black Hunger, their propensity for devouring everything that can be eaten, their general twitchiness. The biggest red flag here should be that, despite their twitchiness and extreme behaviors towards diet, they actually don’t exhibit many indicators of stable fast metabolism found in other animals when compared to humans, such as very fast reflexes, increased physiological activity, healing rate, specific organ functions or having to maintain high temperatures. In fact their high metabolism resembles less animals with actual fast metabolism and is more akin to humans whose metabolism is faster due to conditions such as starvation and lack of sleep, something that nearly all Skaven are exposed to at an extreme level. Some of their behavior is also easily explained by the environment, as humans consistently exhibit extreme behaviors when exposed to extreme prolonged hunger and starvation, while constant extreme exhaustion, lack of sleep and stress very often leads to very real and very strong psychoses. Thus, I don’t really think that a Skaven in a nutshell would have a lot of behavioral and physiological differences from a human in a nutshell in relation to bodily functions.

This is where CW from the beginning comes in as I am talking about some of the reproduction/gender related stuff. If you are not interested, skip to below the meme with Garak and Odo.

Something related I want to talk about and also something that never sat quite right with me for multiple reasons is Skaven reproduction and gender. This is an extremely uncomfortable topic for many and that includes me, but I thought it’d be a bit disingenuous to completely ignore it. There is not a lot of lore about it, except the breeders, an old and rather rarely mentioned piece of Skaven lore that leads to more conjecture than anything really specific. I should probably immediately state that I regard Skaven at large to consist of both sexes in an equal distribution and be largely genderless and not very dimorphic, while (if we are to decide to keep them at all) breeders generally being Moulder monstrosities designed for mass breeding. Additionally Moulder technology is so beyond the realms of realism that I honestly believe that the breeders are custom monstrosities mass produced out of any biological material that is resilient and stable when mutated with warpstone, rather than Skaven of female sex. Otherwise, the Skaven are capable of and have all the parts needed for normal reproduction. It happens and is largely unnoticed due to the sheer scale of Skaven society, and doesn’t hold a lot of consequences regarding gender roles, facilitated by faster gestation periods and growth.

All in all, my personal head canon and something I write into my fic is that sex and gender is just not really a thing that matters a lot to Skaven, neither are breeders (which I'd honestly rather not keep at all as something universal) really tied into it, nor are they necessarily a specific and universal thing opposed to general Moulder chicanery tied to reproduction, this is something that in my opinion is much more in tune with the Skaven society of mass numbers, social indifference, general ignorance and universal misery. Basically classical patriarchy is at the same time both not evil enough, too restrictive for strength in numbers conquerors and too complex for a society that doesn’t care for any of its members, while being capable of applying both extreme cruelty and mutagenic magic to any Skaven regardless of anything. This is my head canon and it has minor but still important implications for the characters that I will talk about in the next posts.

This is, again, a very uncomfortable topic, basically my attempt at detaching the Skaven from the very flimsy and bad-tasting lore that implies patriarchal rape factories as the only possibility, while at the same time keeping Skaven just as alien in their capabilities for similar evils. In the end, we have trillions of Skaven and thousands of clans, so there ought to be variability in how they approach reproduction and gender, especially since not all might be able to afford Moulder creations and hoards of warpstone and it never made sense that reproduction could be handled by just a couple dozen breeders, while every other Skaven was exclusively of male sex. Additionally, those reproduction and gender practices could be one of the elements that determines longevity for Skaven, how these determine gestation, growth, how mutated they are from their very birth, how unstable and vulnerable to cancers their genes are. This head canon, in my opinion, doesn’t take away from Skaven, but yet again gives us much more possibilities, while keeping things more comfortable, but at the same time preserving their general capacity for alienation and evil. I personally find the whole matter of breeders distasteful and ignore it as a bit of very poorly aged lore, however it wouldn’t be completely fair to pretend this is some kind of evil Skaven are incapable of doing, I merely just offer a framework where this ceases being a keystone issue and thus makes Skaven more varied in the vibes that authors want to get from them. And not wanting to work with very graphic rape-patriarchal themes is completely fair.

Lastly, I will talk briefly about Skaven “nature”. I will again be very forthcoming and say that I don’t believe that beings as sapient, intelligent and free willed as humans can be “naturally” evil or represent a homogeneous mentality as an entire species. Skaven are not daemons, are not mind controlled, nor incapable of any non-malicious emotions. Yet again, I believe their psychology is a product of their environment, just like their Black Hunger, destructive behavior, twitchiness, and at least part of their general insanity can be very well explained by psychosis and mental instability induced by living in a horrible environment, starving, being diseased and having extreme stress. Yet again, we have seen a wide range of human behaviors, that at several points in history defined entire cultures, events and societies, but we could never say that those humans somehow bred themselves to exhibit those mentalities (rather than reproduced those behaviors socially, generation after generation) without looking like idiotic racists. A society that literally puts you into a position where you must murder and devour corpses for the very basic survival, while danger to your life lurks literally around every single corner to the point that you can’t even have a moment of sleep or work without expecting to die every single day, would never produce mentally stable, healthy individuals and would not select any traits that we, humans, would consider “good”. It’s rat eat rat society through and through and it reproduces itself just like human societies reproduced bigotry, superstition and abusive traditions for thousands of years in some instances.

One final point to this question comes from the argument that the Skaven are inherently touched by Chaos. While this is ostensibly true since, we never see any Skaven that were somehow detached from the Great Horned Rat or actively sought any kind of redemption or cleansing, “tainted/touched by Chaos” by itself just doesn’t mean anything, it can result in a whole plethora of symptoms both physical or mental while at the same time not really at all resulting in you being inherently evil or enslaved by Chaos powers. We never know what exact role Chaos plays for Skaven, other than them being universally worshippers of the Great Horned Rat and some inexact mythology, it can mean anything and nothing, can be minor and major. Skaven are not daemons, they have relatively stable societies and physiology, unlike the usual Chaos mutants, they do not draw that much from Chaos itself rather drawing from products of it such as warpstone and winds of magic, their “aspects” are arguably socially constructed rather than born out of Chaos, they have souls that belong to them until they die. So we don’t know their Chaos “grade”, it also doesn’t mean much out of context and they are not at all daemonic, while being stable species unlike Beastmen and Chaos mutants. In absence of nuance to this question and general inconsistency and indifference of Great Horned Rat towards his own followers (unlike other Chaos Gods that will influence their followers in rather certain ways), it’s natural to assume a very plausible, simpler and creativity-inducing alternative explanation for their behavior as the ground truth.

Yet again, I present you with an environment that presents behavioral patterns as distributions and varieties, very heavily biased towards self-preservation, antagonism, avarice, betrayal and extreme power-seeking. Nevertheless their psyches are not set in stone and not completely incapable of “good” traits, it’s just that nothing ever cultivates or reproduces those traits, as having them usually just leads to dying sooner than the others for not having the same tenacity for survival and power. This framework again gives us much more leeway to create different characters with different emotions and motivations, while presenting an explanation that both is much more plausible and interesting than “they all have evil in their genes”, while not taking or majorly changing the Skaven at large.

So, what role do these assumptions play in my fiction? Without expanding too much into the world building that I will perhaps write about in the later posts, two groups of Skaven figure in my story.

One is where the main characters come from, those are Skaven inhabiting a part of Blight City that is isolated from the rest of it by a mix of toxic wasteland and realm of chaos bursting through the cracks of reality. This area is a part of an ancient junkyard for failed Skryre technology, which is the only source of warpstone that area has, being otherwise very poor in it. The Skaven inhabiting it are the renegade clans, clans that lost in warfare, fell out of power, were proscribed by the Council, etc. These renegade clans, while very resourceful in their own regard, do not readily have the same access to many of the technologies that are commonly produced in the industrial centers of the Blight City. However, this lack of warpstone and having to procreate mostly naturally resulted in the Skaven of this area growing up a little bit slower and having the lifespans that often exceed a decade, more if extremely lucky.

Much much later the characters would also encounter a clan of Skaven inside of the Mortal Realms, abandoned to its fate hundreds of years ago in a location that magically makes it very hard to maintain stable gnawholes. This led to the clan having to rely on the local realmstone instead of warpstone, while gradually losing a lot of technological advancements and social structures present for the overall Skaven. When the characters find them, they have completely regressed into a neolithic primal state. While they still continue a lot of the traditions we find evil, the Great Horned Rat worship, sacrifices, warrior culture-related violence, etc, they at the same time are depicted to be much more physically healthy and survivable, living longer lives and procreating slower, while additionally being generally much more cooperative, even if hierarchy is still being upheld with violence, kratocracy-like.

#skaven #warhammer fantasy #age of sigmar #fanfiction #warhammer

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citronverveine · 11 months

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xie lian: cultivation and emotional repression -> delayed trauma reaction

cw non-descriptive talk about self-harm for the first few paragraphs (really nothing graphic, just mentions)

i was thinking about whether xie lian would self-harm or not in canonverse (he does harm himself in many ways but i was thinking of our contemporary trend of self-harming through cutting) and i thought he probably wouldn't since it probably wouldn't fit in the path he follows.

I think what reminded me of this was the funny subtitle in the new episode (S2 E01) "I can't drink too much or I'll go crazy" (something like that). the phrasing is funny so i remembered it. We tend to focus a lot on the sexual abstainance of his path, but his path is generally about avoiding vices and keeping his heart and mind still as a lake. or something. promiscuity and alcohol are forbidden, but so are other drugs, so is gambling, and i wouldn't be surprised if harming himself on purpose was forbidden too.

of course, xie lian repeatedly harms himself on purpose, quite a lot and quite deeply, but he always somewhat has an excuse, it's never simply gratuitous. there's always a reason: he stabs himself to escape the land of the tender, he almost swallows a sword when trying to catch the fetus spirit, he's hurt by eming when he jumps between lqq and hua cheng, there are probably other examples we could find, but it's never simply because he wants the pain.

so anyway. i came to the conclusion that harming himself on purpose probably counted as a not very in touch with his cultivation, and from then on wondered about his overall mental health. the thing about xie lian is that he is constantly detached from his... past slash emotions. he rationally knows things but he keeps them at a distance (there is a lot to be said about this and his relationship with hua cheng, from start to finish, but i'll keep this for another time).

I was thinking about how his cultivation most likely played a role in that. to be honest, it's not a bad thing at all, because going through the things he went through (even besides/after book 4), anyone else would have gone insane. but he didn't.

i always wondered about why exactly xie lian didn't give up on his cultivation rules while in banishment. because he wasn't cultivating anymore. he could have stopped following the rules. but he didn't. i always found that very interesting. i came up with several possible reasons, but i could add a new one to the list: maybe it was something that helped him not go insane.

he did not actively cultivate, but following the rules and doing his best to keep his spirit pure might have "helped" him repress the... well, the trauma. it's also a natural reaction, to be honest, but because xie lian cultivates, i think it's interesting to think about how it could have impacted this process.

Anyway. So to sum it up, I wondered about whether Xie Lian could self-harm or not, came with the conclusion that he couldn't and that cultivation also led to emotional repression (to keep a pure mind), and now, my final point:

What if the moment Xie Lian breaks his cultivation is also the moment he starts feeling all of his repressed emotions?

something very common in traumatized people is that they start feeling the effects of trauma or realizing the extent of their trauma once they are out of the situation. i always thought this would be the case with xie lian - once hua cheng is back, all is back to normal, he can live a happy life, and boom, the weight of everything that has ever happened to him gets in the way (and they sort it out, of course), but I never knew what would be the exact trigger, when it could start exactly.

now that i made the link between cultivation and repression, i definitely think it would be interesting to see Xie Lian break his cultivation, have sex with Hua Cheng, maybe marking the beginning of their married life, and then from then on, as he lets go gradually, he starts feeling the mental effects. I thought he could even think it was a bad idea, get worried about the effect of breaking his cultivation, wondering what is happening to him. they would research and eventually realize - maybe as Xie Lian processes it a bit more - that it's just a natural reaction.

i think that's all i wanted to say! this was quite long but i thought it was interesting. let me know your thoughts on this, whether you agree or not. disclaimer that I'm not chinese and do not know enough about chinese culture/philosophy to really know if this interpretation is really correct (mostly the talk about cultivation) (although it is undeniable that xie lian's cultivation in tgcf has EffectsTM on him) (maybe that will be for another post)

#tgcf thoughts #tgcf #xie lian #tgcf xie lian #tgcf meta #天官赐福 #tgcf analysis #mxtx tgcf #mxtx #mine #heaven official's blessing #hualian #tgcf novel #tian guan ci fu

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starsofjewels · 5 months

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HPQD- Illness

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Hi!

Welcome to my first post of x reader fanfic nobody asked for.

I thought I'd start off strong with an imagines series for the Questionable DILFs of Harry Potter (don't ask).

I have no memory of writing half of this- may God bless us all...

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CONTENT WARNING: (non-descriptive) emetophobia warning for Fenrir (and Igor's) paragraphs

Barty Crouch (Sr):

I’m not sure what you’re expecting from Barty, but he’s not one to coddle. If you’re lucky, when you first become ill he might get you some tea and a paracetamol before he leaves for work; more than likely, he leaves it to Winky. Of course, that’s until the little elf appears in his office one afternoon, terrified that you’re dying. Barty expects blood, and tears. Instead, he finds you huddled up in bed with a temperature, complaining that the house is too cold, covered in blankets and sweat. He persuades you slowly to peel back some of your many layers and take some medicine, with gentle words and sweeties. If you aren’t infectious, and you promise to be good, he’ll snuggle you when he gets back from work, and let you eat in bed. Most of the time, your care is left to Winky, and yourself.

You need peace to recover, my darling. I’ll be back at six, alright? Get some sleep, and stay hydrated.

Fenrir Greyback:

Honestly, Fenrir is one of the best carers to have if you’re ill. Remember the wolf instincts? You’re his mate, not some mudblood he’ll use until he gets bored. In his community, being a mate means something, and it means you get a big, hairy wolf man to smother you until you get better. He’s slightly useless in terms of what you actually need, and you might end up with tampons even if you don’t need them. His reasoning? Yeah, he doesn’t really know. He just figured you might need them… at some point… but he does try his best, he’ll clean up your vomit and you, and get you tea. He’ll rub your back and give you cuddles, which he’s surprisingly good at. Please, give the poor wolf man a list of what you want, he has no idea. He’s trying though, he is.

I’ve seen worse than sick, love. C’mere, shh, shh. You’re fine, it’s all fine. Did it get anywhere? I’ll get your pyjamas, okay?

Rufus Scrimgeour:

Now, you’d think Rufus would be quite similar to Barty, but he is, in fact, a slightly more useful Fenrir. Unlike the other two, Rufus sort of, actually knows what he’s doing. He may just be utilising aftercare techniques, but it seems like you’re alright, so he’s not going to try anything else. He’ll take a few days off work; these days, all he does is paperwork, he’s not missing much, and you are more important. He does have to work, but there’s a desk in your bedroom for a reason. Rufus is probably immune to things you haven’t even heard of, the perks of being an ex-auror, so there’s no problem with snuggling you, and spoiling you to the ends of the earth. No matter what you want, you can have it. Toast in bed? He’ll have the elf bring you up a tray. A kangaroo? He’ll laugh, but you will receive a kangaroo teddy before you’re better. He’ll make sure you keep your fluids topped up, and will persuade you with anything to make sure you take your medicine.

I know it doesn’t taste nice, lamb. I know. Why don’t we have some hot chocolate afterwards to take the taste away. Yes, pretty girl?

Lord Voldemort:

Yeah… I don’t know what you think you’re getting, but you’re not getting it. No snuggles or kisses from everyone’s favourite Dark Lord, no. Lord Voldemort takes your care very, very seriously, and that means extreme overprotection. The minute you even sniffle you’re dressed up in a nightgown like a dying Victorian noblewoman and brought unceremoniously to the healers. A cold, a stomach bug, or something more serious are all treated with the same attention. You are treated like you have some exotic disease, or something that will kill you if you aren’t, and confined to your bedchamber. He comes to you, of course. He will always visit you. He’ll put a white hand to your forehead and tut when your temperature is still high, sitting by your bedside and encouraging tea down your throat, murmuring praise.

Still hot. If your care was adequate, you would have recovered already. Mh- perhaps I should have that student removed, he is too young to deal with someone of your calibre. Drink up now.

Igor Karkaroff:

Everyone’s favourite Slavic himbo is kind of… just there. He’s a huge germaphobe, and absolutely terrified of becoming ill. The moment you sneeze in front of him he has a mask and gloves on… I’m not joking, this man will do anything to prevent being sick. Of course, once he realises you’re actually ill, he’ll go into full panic mode- Sims4 parental panic mode- he freaks. Instead of worrying about catching the Black Death, now he’s panicking you’re going to die on him. Please gently remind him you aren’t going to die of the common cold, dear lord. And if you vomit, God won’t save you, he’s a letter away from sending you to the best hospital in the country. Once he’s chilled out a little, he’s not that bad as a caretaker. He has remedies- Teas, and all sorts he grew up with. If they get too much for you, he’s quite good at respectfully backing off and getting whatever you’ve actually asked for. If you’re having trouble sleeping, he’ll let you sleep on his chest and sing you lullabies. He doesn’t usually speak Bulgarian, or Russian, with you, but he will if you’re good.

Shush- no- you relax, stay there. I’ll get you something my mother used when I was a boy. Yes, I promise it’s fine, it does work. Stay there- no, I’m not worried. Are you worried?

#barty crouch #barty crouch sr #fenrir greyback #rufus scrimgeour #lord voldemort #lord voldemort x reader #fenrir greyback x reader #barty crouch sr x reader #rufus scrimgeour x reader #harry potter #harry potter x reader #harry potter x y/n #hp x reader #Harry Potter Questionable DILFs #HPQD

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divorcedfiddleford · 4 months

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anyway. moving on from the show itself. so possibly my hottest take is that i think journal 3 should not have been published KJSHDFLGKHSDFGUIWEHRGJSDF. basically i think instead of trying to write the actual journal 3 they should have picked a handful of stories from his research era that they wanted to tell and made a graphic novel about that. i got WAAAAAAAYYYY off topic and wrote PARAGRAPHS about this but it's not related to the question you asked so i'll just summarize by saying i think it would play more to their strengths as writers, leave more to the imagination, and they could leave out all those fucking retcons that i hate

^ excerpt from this post i made a couple weeks ago. i wanted to post those paragraphs i spoke of teehee so in case anyone is curious here they are

aside from all the retcons that i hate, i think the biggest weakness of journal 3 is that it limits the imagination. with the publishing of journal 3, they had to establish a set timeline and list of events that happened. there's no way they would have been able to construct a chronological narrative otherwise. however this is actually quite stifling to a creative audience. before it was published, the timeline was largely left open to interpretation, with only the biggest plot points being cemented. and while i'm not going to act like this was some sort of golden age of fanworks (there were a LOT of stupid theories and objectively bad content), i do think it lent itself a lot more to creativity. i distinctly remember several authors in the middle of writing having to make disclaimers that their works were no longer "canon compliant" after the release of the journal, as though that meant they were inherently of lesser value, and i think that's really too bad.

i want to be very clear here. the issue is not that alex hirsch and rob renzetti wrote stories about what happened when ford was young. the issue is that they chose the journal as the means by which to tell those stories. they had to pull a LOT of retcons just to make that even possible - some of which i'll talk about later, others (like the fact that they were DESTROYED before the end of the series) are self-evident and/or have been bemoaned by me ad nauseam - when a graphic novel would have sufficed and probably played more to their strengths as tv writers. hell, they did this later! the only reason they chose to do it as journal 3 itself is because it's like The Symbol of the show and they knew everybody would buy it and it'd be a really cool collector's item.

but the problem with turning the journal into a chronological narrative (which it wasn't originally, i'll get into that) is that you have to decide everything that happened, and by extension, everything that didn't happen. creatively, this is torture. they made a book and said "this is it, the whole book, with all of the torn pages restored magically". therefore if you come up with a scenario you think is fun for ford to be in, you have to come up with a reason why it isn't in the journal. this isn't just a problem for fans. alex and rob wrote themselves into a corner with this. the book of bobos hasn't even been released yet and we've already seen that it features "lost journal pages". they thought of other things after the fact which would be cool to include! do you understand? they now have to legitimize the fact that they weren't there in the first place, which wouldn't be an issue if they just hadn't published journal 3 in the first place! i have no idea if this makes any sense i didn't take my adderall this morning but so many of these stories would have functioned just as well as a graphic novel.

another (more nitpicky) thing is that the journals are introduced to us as scientific research. field journals. ford measures the heights of organisms, rock formations, etc. the text blocks to the side of them are scribbles in the tv show, but you are meant to infer that they are more detailed notes about each of the entries.

(image descriptions in alt text)

this stuff is SERIOUSLY LACKING in the published journal. and i get why! it's easy to imply the science in the tv show when you can just scribble to represent a block of text, but when you're publishing a book, you have to actually write all those words. alex and rob are NOT scientists, and writing realistic scientific descriptions of each anomaly is an unreasonable request, especially given the fact that they were so pressed for time and had a page limit. so i understand why they leaned into the diary angle instead - it's more narrative-based, it's in their wheelhouse, and it makes for better reading. but as an amateur scientist myself i was just very disappointed (the "hawktopus: too stupid to study" gag made me so sad. come on ford. i know you. i know you observed that hawktopus for like five months and took in-depth notes on its diet and behavior). again, i think this would not be a problem if the actual contents of the journal were limited to just what we're shown in the tv show and the audience's imagination. but i doubt very many fans care about this as much as i do shldjfkglskdfhgk

in the show, ford also seems to jump between journals as needed, implying that they were not separated chronologically - that is to say, he did not simply write in one book until it was full and then move on to the next one. this makes a lot of sense for scientific journals. you don't close the book after one encounter with an organism or phenomenon. you observe it multiple times, returning to it again and again, sometimes months or years after the initial sighting. you need to leave yourself space for future notes, which is precisely what we see ford doing here! it also made sense given the fact that he was able to go back and put part of his portal plans into each journal. if he waited until each journal was filled up before starting a new one then this would be a lot harder (he would have to add more pages to each book, which would mean redoing the binding. that's a lot of work! also he opens up journal 1 and almost immediately starts writing in it after coming out of the portal so unless there were empty pages in it beforehand when would he have time to add more pages? checkmate atheists). however this had to be changed for the book they wrote. again, i don't begrudge them for this. non-linear storytelling is HARD and, again, TIME CONSUMING! time is NOT something the writers had. but again i just think that this would not have been a problem if there wasn't a physical journal.

thank you for making it to the end of my post. as consolation here is a link to a doodle i did of ford in the portal 2 jumpsuit

#gravity falls #tales of the wild zeep #journal 3 #this is possibly the most explicitly nerdy i've ever been #'MEH WEH I WOULD RATHER READ A RESEARCH JOURNAL THAN A NOVEL'

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sinsandsweetness · 1 year

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Torment (sex and zombies- chapter 10)

pairing- {Rick x fem!reader}

summary- Rick never wants you out of his reach. Like ever.

warnings- 18+ content, MDNI! smut, bathtub sex, use of shower head?, overstimulation... **also reader sustains a gunshot injury (just typical twd violence) so skip the first three paragraphs if you don't want to read descriptions of pain.

Thank God for Michonne. Otherwise, you'd have bled out under a tree in no time.

She picked you up and helped you both run off into the woods, fighting off walkers with her sword as you held on to her like a crutch. Your leg burned and your jeans were completely coated, slick with your blood. Finally, when you were as far out as she deemed safe, you stopped to rest. To fix you up. Michonne did her very best by cauterizing the wound. With your knife and a small fire she set in the tiny, abandoned, gas station convenience store.

It hurt like a bitch.

You'd never been shot before. Of course Rick had, and so had Carl. But they never described the pain in an accurate way. It wasn’t even that bad initially. At first it felt like a hard punch to the thigh, probably due to the adrenaline coursing through you and the urgent need to move. To run. But as soon as things had calmed down, you started to seriously contemplate amputation. You’d lost a lot of blood, and it was hard to stay awake. Your entire upper leg was on fire, burning and aching as blood seeped through your fingertips.

"You have to let me do this." Michonne was holding your knee down, and had already cut your pant leg off. "As long as we can stop the bleeding I think you'll be okay. It went clean through." She gently pried your hands off your leg. The sight of your wound, and the sheer amount of blood coating your hands and body made your stomach churn. You squeezed your eyes shut and groaned at the thought of the hot metal approaching your skin.

"I think I'm gonna pass out."

When you woke up your head hurt, your leg was bandaged and you were in an old pair of cargos that Michonne had found for you in a car right outside of the store.

"Shit," You rubbed your eyes awake, and then the back of your head. A goose egg had formed from your little fall. "How long was I out?" You asked as she handed you a bottle of water. Taking a few small sips, trying not to down the whole thing.

"About a day." She looked like she wanted to cry.

Seeing her expression jogged your memory. Quickly making you realize where you were. And more importantly why you were there.

"Did you see- did anyone else-"

"I don't know."

Oh my god. Rick. Daryl. Judith. Everyone's faces flashed in your mind and suddenly you wanted to cry too.

"They had to. I- the bus left, they- ohmygod. Maggie, she was nearby and- Rick. Did you see Rick?" You hated that it was the only question you really needed answered. Obviously you cared about everyone, but seeing what you saw happen to Rick after his speech about how you could all live together, made your eyes sting. You wiped your face and moved to get up, wincing when you put some weight on your leg. immediately weak and dizzy when you tried to walk.

Michonne called your name and grabbed your arm, pulling you back down, onto the floor. "He was alive. Hurt, but alive. He went to find Carl and then- I don't know I saw you and..."

"We have to go find them. Any of them. There has to be more than just us. Right? I saw the bus leave I-" You were frantic. Michonne shushed you and pulled you in close. Holding you tight as your shaky breaths turned into real tears. "We have to..."

"I know sweetie, I know," She ran her hand through your hair and let you lean into her. Let you process the pent up emotions you'd been scared of since the start. "We'll find them, but first you gotta rest."

--------------------------

The next few days were hell. If you didn't have Michonne, you couldn't even begin to wonder where you’d be. Probably groaning and rotting alongside one of the many walkers that had attacked you both in the woods. The sound of all the gunshots and explosions had practically attracted a hoard. Thanks to Michonne, you weren’t forced to become a part of it.

During your search, the two of you kept switching attitudes. Like a rollercoaster of emotions, one day she’d be full to the brim with hope and by the next day, empty. And you the opposite. As if only one of you could have faith at a time.

"We would have found someone by now." She told you from over her shoulder, stepping over a tree branch and warning you it was there. Eyes fixed in a permanent scowl.

"We don't know that." You tried being positive. But it was hard. It was humid and hot, and the walkers were abundant. Your kill count had honestly doubled since you left the prison yard. Machete blade slick with guts and your clothes smelling like dirt and copper.

It wasn't long until you needed more rest.

You had found some water. Enough for the two of you. You rested in a minivan for two whole nights, and the sleep did wonders for your leg. It still hurt when you touched it, but you could easily put more and more pressure as the days went on. The two of you continued to move, circling to the highway, into the woods and back out. Trying to find a sign of anyone you knew.

Eventually you came across a town, which seemed like a decent place for anyone to hole up. And with the days you'd been traveling on foot, a suburban family home was a dream come true.

While taking care of a walker, you heard your name called from the porch of a house. Looking over at Michonne sporting a genuine smile. Tears welled in her eyes. You approached slowly, and she started laughing when the door opened

You were frozen. Unsure if what you were seeing was real, or just a figment of your imagination. Maybe you had died of blood loss and this was your afterlife. Seeing Rick open up that front door. Bruised and bloody and beautiful as ever.

When you stepped inside, he pulled your face into his shoulder, hugging you so tight you could barely breath. Not that you minded. If you died in his arms you'd be a happy woman.

But you weren't dead. And neither was he. Hurt, yes. But not much worse than you.

You felt his chest move beneath your fingers. A silent sigh of relief, before he gently pressed a kiss onto the side of your head.

"You look like shit." You whispered into his shirt. All he did was huff a quiet laugh and pull you even closer.

The relief was written on all of your faces during dinner that night. Smiles and giggles over dry cereal. A game of cards and a whole lot of comfort.

Rick made a game plan for you all. He figured if the four of you had gotten out, there was a really good chance that the others had too. Now it was only a matter of actually finding them. You'd all rest in the house for a couple more days, scavenge for some food, and then head out. Try and meet up with anyone. Maybe try tracking the bus. It wasn't a clear or solid plan by any means, but it was something.

There had to be others, and if there were, you needed to find them. To find the rest of your family.

--------------------------

"Did she go to sleep already?" You could hear Rick ask someone from the hallway. Michonne answered that you were drawing a bath, and told him to let you get some rest.

"She's had a rough few days." A muffled goodnight and a door shut behind her.

The water was warm. Not hot. But it was better than nothing. You poured some bubble bath into the water stream, its sweet bubblegum scent immediately filling the little room. Whatever upper middle class couple lived in the house before had left tons of goodies. Hygiene products, toothpaste, and shockingly well fitting clothes. You'd already helped yourself to their closet, picking out some sleep shorts and a tank top. Plus some new jeans and a long sleeve, making sure to pack some extras into your bag along with some other essentials. As you unbuttoned your pants and started to slide them down your thighs, you heard three soft taps on the bathroom door. Looking up, Rick pushed it open slightly.

"Hey," he glanced up at you and then to the floor. Giving you a little privacy.

"I was just gonna wash up before bed." You told him, wincing slightly as your waistband reached your bandage, just above your knee.

He looked back up and his eyes widened at the site of your injury. You immediately wished he hadn't seen. Now he'd be worrying about it all night.

"Ohmygod," He came over and tried to help with your pants, moving you to sit on the small vanity stool near the tub. He knelt down and unwrapped the gauze around your thigh, enough to see the gunshot. Looking up at you with lips parted in disbelief.

"I just got caught in the crossfire. It's really not as bad as it looks." You tried to reassure him but he shook his head. But it was true. You felt a lot better than it looked.

"I tried, I really tried- Fuck, I just..." He ran a hand over his face. Stressed at the thought of you hurting. Slowly, he sat up on the edge of the tub and dipped his hand in, drawing a circle in the warm water. Then shut the tap off.

"Here," He started at your t-shirt, lifting the bottom. You raised your arms and let the man undress you. He looked worse than you. There was no reason he should be helping you get undressed. He was just as hurt. More even. When you first noticed the cut on his nose and the bruises under his eyes, it hurt your heart. And his sad, glossy eyes didn't help either. Despite your curiosity, you didn't even try to bring up Judith. To ask what happened. Not when he seemed so damn broken already.

"Rick you don't have to-"

"I do. Okay just let me- let me take care of you, just for right now."

You nodded reluctantly and let him help you. Allow him to distract himself from the guilt of you getting hurt. Something that wasn’t even in his control. He unclipped your bra, peeled your panties off and took down your hair. You stepped into the warm water, immediately feeling a wave of relief. Clean warm water. You had dried blood covering your legs since the convenience store. You didn’t even know how many days had passed, you weren’t keeping track. You laid back, wetting your hair and running your hands over your face, washing the sweat and blood away.

Rick watched you from the edge of the tub, tongue darting out to lick his cracked lip. The thought of him seeing you bathe made you blush and dip your head under again. Not that he hadn't seen you naked already, it was just never like this. So… intimate. He smiled sweetly at your bashfulness and handed you shampoo, then conditioner, and a comb. Once you felt clean, you drained the bloody water and started running some more. Warm and fresh. Dipped yourself back in again, hiding your body beneath the water, soap suds surrounding your knees, exposed to the air. Rick dipped his hand in the water again, swirling it around some. His touch made its way to your leg. You looked up at his pretty blue eyes, pupils dilated and giving you that familiar look. So sweet and so very suggestive.

It was hard not to notice the stiff tent in his jeans.

Your breath hitched as his hand moved to your inner thigh, carefully avoiding your other injured leg. He stayed like that for a moment, hand massaging at your sore muscles. His touch making your body ache for more. You were already naked, he just had to catch up. “I still can’t believe we found you,” you told him, bringing your hand up to meet his other arm, holding on to the side of the tub. You started playing with the ring on his finger, then moved to his watch, tracing the face of it with your nail. He loved it when you touched him so mindlessly. The way you would play with the buttons on his shirt, or tap and trace the buckle of his belt. Light, feathery touches of attention that never failed to send sweet tingles down his spine.

“Me neither,” he watched your hand trace at his watch. “Makes me never wanna let you out of my sight again,” the hand on your thigh moved even lower down, fingers brushing your clit. You let out a sigh and Rick licked his lips.

He rubbed your clit slowly with his thumb, fingers teasing at your entrance under the water. Warm hands on your clean, wet skin.

"From now on I want you within my reach. At all times." His voice was low but it was an order. Even in his sweet and teasing nature, he was dead serious.

“I’d be okay with that.” You rested your head back against the wall of the tub and closed your eyes. Escaping into the feeling of Ricks touch. He pushed his fingers inside of you with ease, your pussy practically pulling him in. His long digits curled to hit your sweet spot. Over and over and over. You moaned quietly and unintentionally as his thumb continued to message messy circles on your clit. The combination made your breathing become laboured. Your hand went to his forearm, nails digging in.

Fuck, you were already close.

When your breath slowed down and the grip on his arm become even tighter, he could tell you were right on the edge. And then he stopped.

Your eyes shot open and you looked up at him in shock. “Why’d you stop I was-” so close. So fucking close. And he just stopped, completely ruining your orgasm.

“Always so needy huh,” He teased with a smug grin.

"Rick seriously-" you whined.

"You’ll come. I promise. Now just lay back." He pushed on your shoulder gently and then grabbed the detachable shower faucet from the tub and turned it on. He fidgeted with the thing for a moment and turned the nozzle to a jet setting. His hand disappeared under the water again to press the powerful stream up against your clit. A little surprised by the feeling, you let out a sound and he shushed you.

”Wouldn't wanna wake any one up now, do you?”

You shook your head and closed your eyes. The feeling of the water pressure against your clit seemingly taking over every pleasure receptor in your body. It was such an intense feeling. Just a fragment away from being too much.

"Hold that right there for me," He grabbed your hand and forced it around the handle. You obeyed with enthusiasm. Little whimpers escaping you from the pleasure.

He moved his own hand down, and back inside of you. Even wetter than before, he picked up where he left off, curling and pumping at a perfect pace.

You tried to suppress the moans and whimpers but you failed miserably. Rick kept his eyes locked on yours, making you a little nervous but still turning you on even more. You bit your lip, trying to quiet yourself.

"You okay there sweetheart?" Rick smirked. You glanced down at the veins in his arms. Extra noticeable as his forearms flexed, working you into a writhing mess.

The whole thing brought you to climax quickly and without warning. A tiny cry escaped your lips. Rick leaned over, taking the back of your hair in his hand and pulling you in for a kiss. Sparks washed over your core and through your body, hot and euphoric. You could actually feel the walls of your pussy convulse around his fingers, and the water against your clit was suddenly way too much. You pulled away from the pressure and his hand, sinking further into Ricks kiss. But his hand caught your own, and pulled the shower head back to your cunt.

"It's too much- I can't-" you tried telling him against his lips. Which was useless. Probably because making you a sobbing mess is one of his favourite things to do. So he continued to hold it against you, despite the evident tears starting to form. Shaky breaths escaping your lips.

"You can handle it." he said leaning back, unconvinced of your objections.

A sob erupted from your core as the second, slightly painful, orgasm washed over you. Hot and intense and too much to handle. You gripped the sides of the tub with both hands so hard that your knuckles turned white.

“That’s it, you’re doing so good for me baby,”

"I'm- uh-" You tried to speak but no words would form, just a drawn out whine. You even tried forcing your legs shut but Rick was quick to shut that down. Clicking his tongue, his hand coming up and spread you back out, holding the shower head against you until you came for a third and final time, crying and shaking and overstimulated as all hell. The muscles in your legs burned and your abdomen started to spasm.

When he finally let up and removed the device, you slammed your legs shut, hand going straight to your cunt, attempting to alleviate the borderline painful numbness.

"Fuck," You whispered. Rick let out a quiet laugh and shut the water off, hand moving to your legs once more and gently squeezing your thigh.

"Too much?"

You gave him a death glare but all it did was make his smile grow.

"C'mhere." He got up and grabbed a towel, holding it out in front of him. You slowly stood up, legs shaky from the torture you were forced to endure. You lifted your arms up for him and stepped out of the tub. He wrapped the towel around you, tucking a corner in so it would stay up. He leaned in and kissed you softly, while his thumb rubbed circles on your jaw.

"I would do that all night if I knew it wouldn't break you." He whispered.

"How do you know that didn't break me?"

"Well you’re standing, for starters."

"Barely." you shot back.

"You could have handled one more." A smug look crossed his face.

You huffed, "I'm a crying mess, begging you to stop, and you think I could take one more?"

"I think I could pin you down right now and make you come again. Have you screaming my name, and begging me to fuck you."

"I don't scream."

"Oh you scream. I know you scream because I've made it happen-”

"Shut up," you smacked at his arm and stepped back. He laughed quietly as you went for the pile of clean pyjamas you had folded on the vanity.

"I'm only teasing,” He sounded apologetic. Sincere. “I just missed you is all." He lifted your chin and stepped back into your space. He kissed you slowly and the butterflies in your stomach helped you admit that he was probably right. You really fucking loved it when he would pin you down and have his way with you. Never letting up until you were a crying mess. And every single time, you'd just end up wanting more.

Grabbing your shorts from the pile, he helped you dress. Pulled the tank over your head and brushed the hair out of your face.

"Wrap that up, put some polysporin on it. There's some in the medicine cabinet." He ordered, pointing at your thigh. You did as he told, while he sat watching you from the edge of the bed, taking off his boots and jeans. Peering in from the suite attached to the bathroom. When you finished, you brushed your hair, and your teeth, and walked over to him. Planting a sweet kiss on his cheek and a quiet 'goodnight’ before you walked towards the door.

He pulled on your arm, stopping you. "Nu-huh. Where do you think you’re going?" he asked. You raised an eyebrow.

"Always within my reach, remember?" He reminded you, pulling you towards him and onto the bed.

There was already a pool of wetness forming in your shorts, and you knew that once he locked that bedroom door, it wouldn't be long before his cock was shoved deep inside of you, with a hand clamped over your mouth.

#rick grimes fanfiction #rick grimes smut #rick grimes x y/n #smut #twd fanfiction #sexandzombies #sinsandsweetness

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psihawaii · 16 days

Note

i know nothing about mashup week but i do wanna hear ur thoughts on trans scott

first of all: thank you for indulging me!!

second of all: obligatory LISTEN/READ MASHUP WEEK: MEGAMIX!! ill probably make a separate propaganda post anyway but plsss. mashup tournament that scott won three years ago that he now has to host and interview every1 and i like how he’s written better than most collabs (where hes not just. himself obviously.) write him. host says the tournament is a lot more like wii sports resort now and doesnt elaborate.

third of all: ooooooooookay so. This really got away from me im gonna put the rest under a readmore.

i’m gonna refer to them w/ they/them just for simplicity, but let the record show i don’t think they care that much either way/i switch up pronouns whenever i talk abt stw AHDHDJ (my main hc for a while was no pronouns scott just bc of how the descriptions are written hahahahahaha get itttttttttt)

i’ve Alwaysssss thought scott (the character obvi. do i have to keep clarifying that here too, im always gonna be referring to the character in this postSHDJDJ) was trans ever. since i joined the fandom in late 2021. Partly because borderline forever reminds me a lot of how i realized i was nonbinary (realizing somethings wrong and then course correcting by just… doing the opposite and wondering why that couldnt possibly be the solution.) but mostly because borderline forever is just Like That. . But more on that later

OUTSIDE OF THAT so much of how they act is sosososo deeply trans to me, or at the very least very egg-like and in denial deeply. THE THING that got me deep into stw initially was gifts of gaming because what the fuck man. scott’s very public breakdown because they feel extremely alienated from their peers and that this isn’t an isolated incident!!!!!! (finding other people unrelatable that is (and that’s probably also an autism and/or aroace thing but it can be all of those at once. Smile.) like so often is scott self deprecating abt how nobody cares abt them or their interests or how desperate they are for attention. dude.)

and like. okay so i made an entire nonbinary dysphoria comp already but there are so many. weird throwaway jokes. that aren’t… you know directly about them being trans/dysphoric but about how they hate facial hair or their voice or hated that they couldn’t have ‘girl toys’ growing up or that they shower fully clothed or that they’ll just. roleplay as a girl.

(and i was gonna have a whole bit about… i think you could make some kind of point about how scott ‘roleplays’ as a girl in specifically romantic/flirting contexts (tinder + speed dating) and how that could play jnto their dysphoria, but i also do just think they’re aroace. but there’s something there)

and no matter the intention of the jokes they’re still like. canon. (and i was gonna do a whole thing abt how scott the woz (the show) treats continuity basically being that. jokes + ‘throwaway lines’ establish canon things because they keep being brought back, and that lore is (with few exceptions) consistent. it’s fun. and meaning that these things are (assumedly) things scott thinks/does/how they act even off screen.)

and also i guess if im gonna talk abt trans scott i could At Least dedicate an entire paragraph to borderline forever because holy shit man. Before i rewatched a bunch of episodes this year, i of course had it in my head that borderline forever was totally trans coded but i sorta reasoned that that was my own headcanon clouding my perception and that it wouldnt be that blatant (<in quotes because im sure The Man Himself didnt intend for it to be read this way, but its fun to interpret it as such) but no it really is.

what do u mean theres been an unseen force in your life that’s always been there but you hadn’t noticed until you experienced internalized transphobia talked about something tangentially related, that’s now preventing you from living your life and doing the things you want to do. That isn’t directly harming you, and that other people can’t notice so they dismiss you. What do u mean.

Closing in is literally a song about how they can’t believe they’ve been living their life like this and how they feel like they’re suffocating from the idea of continuing to live like this. They saw the border glow. If you will (sorry.)

The ending of borderline forever is pretty… its… well i guess for me to really have definitive thoughts on it i would have to decide on what i think the allegory is because scott taking the border back serves different purposes for different ones, good and bad. In terms of the trans allegory, I initially considered that it was like him. Accepting transness as part of themselves and learning to live with it and move on from that (effectively transitioning just not. Outwardly (?)). Until my boyfriend (forced to watch every scott the woz lore episode for (for the most part) the first time with me) pointed out n. No it kinda just seems like they can’t imagine themselves as any different/better and thinks This Is As Good As It Gets so they retreat back to their status quo. And like. Huh. Yeah. 100% it’s still affecting them negatively and they hate it but they’re ignoring it now they saved the world and they never have to succumb to the horror of being understood and perceived i mean no one else has to worry abt this ever again.

like… two years ago i wrote a fic about nonbinary scott called Abiura Di Me (it’s never getting finished, i was originally gonna do a little comic to end things off but it felt kind of ehh. the only way i’m finishing it is if i completely start over. which who knows.) and, despite not rlly having this interpretation at the time, i did want to kind of explore scott like that, thinking they’re ‘content’ with their life now and wondering why they still feel unhappy/unfulfilled.

In general scott feels like a character that’s so… rigid and strict with their identity/attributes of themselves in a way that, often, makes them miserable, or at the very least in a way that they’re self deprecating abt like i said b4. (i.e. their virginity, and how it oscillates something they take pride in vs. something that they’re ashamed of (b4 accepting it in barrel blast)(youtuber slash tumblr user prim m, in description of their barrel blast mashup did a rlly interesting lil. few sentences of analysis abt this in particular!!), but is, to them at least, a key part of who they are that they have to keep asserting + how they talk abt themselves liking video games and how, similarly it oscillates between smthn that brings them a lot of joy and again, smthn that they’re ashamed of thats another reason they feel isolated, but is nonetheless. Probably THE defining thing about scott.)

And while this^ feels like a general internalized transphobia thing, it’s probably THE reason i think they’re nonbinary specifically, although i fuck with transfem scott severely. I really like the idea of scott unburdening themselves from any kind of labels and kinda just being happy Existing, it’s essentially what they already want/think they already have just with less expectation put upon them to perform. You could say. Preventing themselves from being put into a box or. Or yknow… some kind of blue borde-[i am killed.]

But anyway to answer your question trans scott is my lifeblood i love them a lot. I like… half joke their egg has been fully cracked now bc of the bits they’re pulling now (mainly. Changing their name in same name, different game and. all of gamer products.) (and side note even though i can glean Transness from any1 of these jokes and that… in a lot of cases scott Is the butt of the joke in them they don’t rlly feel meanspirited most of the time. whether thats bc im in denial ro theres smthn to it thats any1s guess. Tee hee.) i think they’re figuring stuff out and how they want to be perceived and if this is really something they want for themselves (is, but going abt it weirdly/making a joke of it and not taking it seriously (again, goes w the whole self deprecating rigid identity thing!!)

I don’t think scott changes much upon transitioning. Even though i think in the stw universe hrt/gender affirming surgery does… pretty much whatever you want it to and none of what you don’t want (i’m going off the… one ama where he said smthn along the lines of the stw universe is a perfect bubble where nothing bad happens + being able to get treated for murder + how i think scott the real person would think that kinda stuff works AHDNDIJDDJ and also cus i think its funny) i dont think scott would Want to change much physically. But i really like the idea of them keeping dyed blue bits framing their face (get it.) + slightly longer hair. and boobs cause i think thats awesome. personality wise they’re exactly the same and still suck though. But w/o shame and i love them

#SORRY THIS REALLY GOT AWAY FROM ME BUT TY SOSOSO MUCH FOR ASKING #all stream of consciousness btw so. sorry for that too.#nonbinary scott rlly important to me genuinely and that sucks. i love them #scott the woz #stw #trans scott

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tigreblvnc · 1 month

Text

BLUE LOCK MATCHUP — @ssstar

Your match is...

— Itoshi Rin

✦ Forgive me, my lord.

✦ I'm about to embark on another endless psychoanalysis…

✦ But I always want to do this when I receive such detailed and complex bios!!!

✦ Listen, I've never read about anyone on Tumblr who made me think of Rin as much as you…

✦ Who are you? Where are you? What do you do? How do you like your eggs in the morning???

✦ … You know what?

✦ Even before reaching the last paragraph of your last message, the one indicating your MBTI… I already knew I was dealing with an INxJ, hehe.

✦ The longest and most detailed descriptions I receive usually come from INFJs or INTJs, and it makes a lot of sense with the way your messages are structured and your complex, rich, and introspective way of thinking. It’s clear that your words are well-thought-out and have been maturing for a long time. I love these MBTI profiles and could talk about them for hours. So, thank you for stopping by for a matchup! I always enjoy receiving such material and discovering different temperaments and stories.

✦ "I wouldn't be able to get along well with someone hyperactive and noisy. I quickly get tired of communicating with very expressive people." Just this sentence alone allowed me to rule out a large part of the cast when I was making my selection hahaha

✦ "I notice that sometimes I find it difficult to get in touch with my negative emotions, but in recent years I have been learning to be more open with sadness and trust my loved ones more when I feel bad." This is a challenge many INTJs experience because in their stack of cognitive functions (in order for INTJ: Ni-Te-Fi-Se), their Introverted Feeling (Fi) is in the Tertiary position. This means it’s one of the functions that INTJs struggle the most with and have the hardest time mastering (the worst being the Inferior: Se). Introverted Feeling (Fi) is the function that focuses on being in harmony with one’s own feelings and values. In the third position for INTJs, it’s hidden under what others might perceive as coldness. This explains why people might sometimes say you seem intimidating.

✦ This is a very common characteristic of MBTI profiles where Extraverted Thinking (Te) is in the top two functions. Unlike INFPs and ENFPs, whose Introverted Feeling (Fi) is at the top of their cognitive stack (making them very in touch with their own emotions), ENTJs and INTJs often struggle with their own inner feelings because they’re so focused on achieving their goals (manifesting their Te) that they have little contact with their inner emotional world. This is why they sometimes struggle to understand themselves on this point.

✦ (That was a little MBTI note)

✦ (Back to the matchup now)

✦ I thought of two other characters for you because I think they resemble you a lot. I’ll tell you more about them at the bottom of the post.

✦ "So, because of this, from time to time I fall into melancholy and thoughtfulness" The INTJ temperament is often melancholic-choleric. I understand this as someone who, deep down, feels a kind of poignant, inexplicable blues, sometimes motivated by the past, sometimes because they feel a strong disconnect from the world and others. This melancholy occasionally turns into anger when this gap becomes too great and unbearable. Typically, it reminds me of this phrase you wrote: "I've had enough of human idiocy for today. And I deeply regret that I share the same species with these people."

✦ In fact, I think you and Rin share a lot, but really A LOT of characteristics. Logical sense, your individualism, the tendency to analyze everything, your occasional caustic response when disturbed. Your inclination for solitude, the fact that there are only certain very specific things for which you open up… Which makes me think that you probably see a lot of yourself in him through his motivations, his way of being with others, and who he is at his core. And since you share the same MBTI, the fact that you and him are so similar don't surprise me.

✦ I have a philosophy that we often resonate with characters who resemble us. We recognize ourselves in them.

✦ "I approach everything I do responsibly if I'm interested in it and tend to immerse myself in what I like, sometimes forgetting that my body needs to replenish its water and food reserves. (Neglecting my own condition is something I've been struggling with for a couple of years now)" There's a moment in the manga (Chapter 110) (Yes, I looked it up) where Rin is training, and Isagi joins him. Rin says to him: "If I break down from this, that just means that's all I was ever gonna amount to." And I think that resonates with your tendency to overwork yourself without paying attention to your physiological needs. There's a drive to achieve your goals that’s so strong that your body becomes a tool for your ambitions, nothing more.

✦ Ultimately, it’s Isagi who ends up reminding Rin to drink.

✦ Indirectly, seeing someone work as hard as he does to achieve their ambitions resonates deeply with Rin, and he respects that ability. It’s the cowards, the weak, the incapable who give up.

✦ In fact, as the manga progresses (well, a little less during the BM x PXG match, let's be honest *cough*), Rin opens up a bit to Isagi. It’s not direct; it’s very subtle, but we see them talking together! Whereas before, if Rin didn’t outright ignore him, he would clearly tell Isagi to get lost.

✦ And as their relationship evolves, as they face their opponents together (specifically during the Japan U20 match), Rin shows gestures of almost solidarity towards Isagi. He ruffles his hair to bring him back to earth, tells him not to get "swallowed." He even promises Isagi, when they’re in a tough spot: "In 90 minutes, I'll turn those cheers into screams of anguish." This is how he ensures their own victory to Isagi.

✦ Like you, he shows more human, less harsh, less ruthless aspects of himself.

✦ Honestly, I’m convinced that there’s still a bit of the child Rin within the current Rin, but it’s completely buried under layers of poison and vengeance because of Sae.

✦ "I am more open with my family and friend" Yes, Rin used to do that too...

✦ (please help him)

✦ "I'm still learning to accept help normally and admit that I need it at all" Do I even need to say anything… Reminding Rin to drink!!

✦ "But I am tough on betrayal and would never forgive a person who would cheat or betray me." Well, you see, I think it’s the same for Rin, and that’s why he changed so much when his brother abandoned him -- betrayed him.

✦ "I also love ambitious and purposeful people who are burning with their goal and know what they want. If they can also make a joke, whether it's sarcasm or a pun - great." Yes, I think you’ll be well off with Rin!

✦ I’ve always thought that humor says a lot about a person’s creative intelligence, and it’s a quality Rin recognizes. Someone who has wit and knows how to banter with their opponent at the right moment. I even think that if he heard you, it would make him give a slight amused snort, you know? And maybe, if we look closely, under a microscope… We can see the hint of a smile forming at the corner of his lips.

✦ "This is a bit special, but I get along well with traumatized people prone to reflection. Most likely because I can understand them well and it is easier for them to understand me and my traumas." Well, you’ll have plenty to do with him. I also think he’s the type you’d desperately want to save because his deepest wound (aka his brother’s betrayal) can be healed.

✦ … And at the same time, I see Rin as someone too proud to admit that he needs help. He even reacts violently when someone tries to approach him, like with Isagi. I think he can’t stand the idea of being pitied, and at the same time, there’s something very sad about him, you know. His inner child is calling for help. The fact that you can pinpoint this inner wound makes your relationship incredibly powerful.

✦ Rin is not, but I mean NOT AT ALL expressive about his feelings (except for his rage to win, I mean), but he knows very well how to make someone feel special to him. In my opinion, his love language is totally quality time and words of affirmation. It’s when he starts paying attention to what the other person is saying that you can tell something has unlocked.

✦ "I'm not particularly compatible with very active people" Rin is very active, but in his own way. Especially when it comes to his career and football. But outside of that… I see him as someone completely disinterested in living adventures or things like that, you know? I even think he spends most of his time at home taking care of his own business rather than being at shopping centers.

✦ "I can't stand liars and manipulators, as well as people who don't keep their word. For me, honesty is more important and I would prefer a serious, albeit painful conversation, rather than a 'pleasant lie.'" I don’t see Rin as a manipulator or a liar; quite the opposite. His honesty is so abrasive that I can’t imagine him trying to lie. In a relationship, even if he’s not very demonstrative, he’ll immediately express when something isn’t right. He actually expects the same in return and cannot tolerate those who act behind others' backs. I really think it’s a strong principle he stands by.

✦ "I would also not tolerate someone who does not respect me, considers me 'inferior' to themself and does not consider my opinion." Well, I think Rin tends to underestimate just about anyone who hasn’t proven themselves on the field or directly in front of him. This rule applies to any individual in the sport.

✦ Because outside of the field… Well, I think everything leaves him a bit indifferent. He neither esteems nor despises. If it doesn’t help him achieve his goals, then it’s useless.

✦ He’s still a perfectionist, and that makes him demanding and ruthless. But finding someone he respects makes him less harsh.

✦ "My little weakness is horror games, I love them, but I rarely play them myself, preferring to watch others play them." It’s crazy how so many little details about you resonate with Rin, even though we don’t know much about him! Were you destined for him from birth or something? In the Egoist Bible, here’s what we learn about him: "He spends his holiday either playing horror video games or immersing himself in horror movies."

✦ ...Yes, hello?

✦ It seems that words speak for themselves, but I’ll elaborate by saying: YES, of course, you both spend your days off in the room, you watching Rin try-hard the latest horror video games.

✦ In fact, he wouldn’t pay much attention to your presence, so absorbed would he be in his game, but hearing you occasionally gasp or comment on certain aspects of the game would remind him that you’re there.

✦ One evening, while he’s been playing for thirty minutes facing the screen, you’re there, sitting on the bed, flipping through books and glancing at the TV from time to time to see Rin making progress.

✦ At one point, a horrible jumpscare appears on the screen, and you let out a sharp squeak that makes Rin’s neck snap towards you.

✦ "Did that scare you?"

✦ He asks, even though technically, it shouldn’t be you getting the question.

✦ But as I said: words speak for themselves.

✦ "There’s nothing scary about it."

✦ (Deep down, he’s scared too)

✦ (Too proud to admit it, obviously)

✦ "You should try this level."

✦ Because he knows there’s a horrible boss in it that you really don’t like, and it makes him laugh softly to see you struggle in front of it.

✦ Laugh, I said laugh!

✦ Because these are the rare moments when you see him without his usual furrowed brow. Just relaxed, doing something he enjoys, with someone who doesn’t stress him out.

✦ And while you’re playing, struggling with hordes of terrifying zombies…

✦ … The "You died" screen flashes up, and a compassionate hand rests on your shoulder.

✦ You jump. It’s Rin coming to sit back down, with a tray full of snacks and drinks.

✦ "Don’t forget to eat. It’s late."

A word about your match: I also considered Ego and Sae, as you share many traits with them. I ruled out Ego because I think that in terms of compatibility and depth of relationship, it would have been complicated over time, especially between two intellectuals too focused on their own goals. I mostly see a professional relationship for you two. And regarding Sae: he’s the kind of person who can betray without a second thought or any remorse, and I think you, like Rin, would find that hard to swallow. So for me, the most relevant match is with Rin! Good luck managing someone as stubborn as he is fascinating.

#blue lock x reader #blue lock #bllk x reader #blue lock matchup #bllk #blue lock headcanons #suo matchups #itoshi rin x reader #rin itoshi x reader #rin x reader #rin itoshi #itoshi rin

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fabdante · 2 months

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WIP Game!

Rules: make a new post with the names of all the files in your WIP folder, regardless of how non-descriptive or ridiculous. let people send you an ask with the title that most intrigues them, and then post a little snippet or tell them something about it! and then tag as many people as you have WIPs.

Tagged by: @robinainthood (thank you so much I've been wanting to do another one of these since the first one I did and I just got my laptop back so perfect timing! Check out their WIPS here!!)

Fiction

The One Were Kat Gets To Yell At Vergil (DmC)

Catharsis for Someone (TF2)

Retrospect (Samurai Champloo)

Swan Song (DmC)

Tales of Ba Sing Se redux (ATLA/Zutara)

The Mai/Jet dream captivated me (Atla/Mai and Jet)

The Jet Bit (ATLA/Zutara)

The really long Zelda Fic (LoZ/Zelgan)

Playlist for a Three-way with Eve, Lilith, and the Serpent (this is an original poem?)

A bug flew into my ear (this is also an original poem??)

ATLA Champloo (ATLA fic inspired by Samurai Champloo my beloved)

Gweoff Fic 2 Lmao: The Hair Dying One (Total Drama)

The One You Thought of in the Shower Where Snow gets Stuck in a Time Loop (Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes??)

The One where Kat needs to tell Vergil's Parents that he may or may not be dead and may or may not be king of hell also that their sons been a super natural being this whole time an-it's awkward (DmC)

Zutara Playlist Fic (ATLA/Zutara)

A Zelgan Fic I Started Editing About Bath Houses That I May Never Post (LoZ)

the one where Dante wakes up to his hook up cleaning his trailer for no reason and it's weird but she's cute so its fine probably (DmC)