#the amount of money I’ve spent lol when I have to literally pay for my school tuition too next semester 🫣

[christophernolan]

Bought a Daemon funko pop and now my Targaryen collection is complete 🫠

[annibtj]

26th august 2022

hello! how have you all been? i know it’s back to school season for a lot of you - i hope you’re taking care of yourselves and enjoying the start of a new semester!

i wanted to come on here and just have a chat, it’s been a while...

i feel like, while i may have posted the occasional photo here and there, i haven’t actually been very present, and while i post on instagram and youtube a decent amount, i always find myself missing this space.

i do feel like it’s hard for me to post here, a place where i used to document my studies and my productivity, now that i am no longer studying/a student/being productive in the ways that i used to. 

in case you missed it - i graduated end of 2020 and started a masters in the first half of 2021, but dropped out because it wasn’t the course for me (my advisor literally told me to drop out and save myself the money. lol)

while i do think i still want my masters (maybe in english, instead of creative writing specifically) and so i hope to return to academia at some point, you might be wondering what i’ve been up to for the past year.

2022 has been more crazy than 2021, where i was working a hospitality job trying desperately to recover from academic burnout and my anxiety that had been running mostly unchecked while i was studying. my anxiety has got significantly worse before getting better (and i still think i have a ways to go before i have somewhat of a handle on it) and my hospitality job demanded way too much of me physically, actually.

really, i’ve spent the first half of this year riddled with anxiety attacks and back pain, which hasn’t been that great.

but in june i moved house, quit my job, and have been focusing on building my mental and physical strength back up since then - i am so lucky to have a partner who not only has a well paying job but who is willing to support me and in fact, encouraged me to quit my job and focus on myself for a bit. words cannot describe how blessed i have felt to take this break and kind of ‘sort’ my life out.

but as i’ve said, i’ve been missing this blog, i’ve been missing ‘being productive’ in an odd sense, and most of all, i’ve missed writing. if you’ve followed me since i was studying for my undergraduate degree you would know i majored in creative writing and also got a minor in english studies. and while i obviously am no longer studying, i have always wanted to talk about what i love - books, and writing, and writing my own books.

essentially, when i dropped out of my masters last year, my academic burnout was creative writing burnout. i have barely done any writing over the past year. and i’ve been patient with myself, even though the itch to be doing something, the itch to get back to what i love, has been hovering over me for months, i am finally feeling up to scratching that itch, and getting back to it. and not only that, but sharing my work as well.

i would love to write for a living - novels are my dream, and will probably be what i talk about the most, but there isn’t really an income in novel writing (if you’re like me, with no signed book deal to go off) but my partner has been pushing me to start a patreon, which is something i would honestly love to look into, a way to share my writing with you all but not totally fall into the starving artist stereotype. patreon is something i need to plan more, and will probably be something i talk more about, but in the mean time, i’m excited to start sharing more writing related content with y’all. this is how i’m going to be being productive, this is what’s going to be taking up my time, and this is going to be my future. 

i’m looking forward to bringing y’all along with me x

[inkofamethyst]

May 30, 2023

I’m sorry to say that the last season of Picard might’ve been the weakest one.  I enjoyed it, but I think I just liked the other two more.  This one relied far more heavily on nostalgia than the previous ones, and even though the plot was new and the stakes were high.. it just wasn’t my favorite.  I suppose it’s difficult to give a perfectly satisfying ending to so many beloved characters that everyone will approve of.

I’ve found it really difficult to push myself to work on things this summer, even if they’re things I want to do.  I have a few alterations I want to do, plus a few theoretically simple full projects (not to mention the cleaning, the organizing, the trashing, the donating), but the lack of daily structure has made everything stagnant.

Since I’ll be moving farther away from home than I’ve ever been and embarking on a new adventure (etc etc) in a few months, I’m having to spend more than I’ve ever spent during a single short period in my life.. and this would be scary if I wasn’t planning to make it back and more over the next year.  Like,,,,, I’ve always been of the mind that higher education tends to be gatekept behind wealth, but now that I’m living it, I know this to be true.  Moving in for my apartment requires an exorbitant amount of money months before we even get there.  And then there’s furnishing and kitchenware and so many more things that will just keep adding up :/  I’m lucky to have parents who are willing to help a little, but I’m still paying for the majority of it myself.

Last up, the “night on the town” actually ended up being a “night in my friend’s apartment” because it was chilly and rainy and nothing was open lol.  I had a couple of drinks (I actually enjoyed the taste of a few of them!  Esp moscato I think, just anything sweet tbh), including an attempted half-shot of vodka.  “Attempted” is the key word here.  I mean I knew it wouldn’t taste good, and after thirty seconds of deliberation because it quite literally reeked of pure ethanol, I tried to down it without getting it on my tongue, failed massively, and ended up with most of it on the carpet, shaking, heaving, coughing my lungs out, tearing up, and so forth.  However!  I consider the dreadful moment a Learning Experience and am everlastingly grateful that it happened around friends I trust (photo-, dancer-, cello-).  And I won’t try that again until I perfect my shot technique.  I don’t know much about standard drinks or alcohol concentrations, but I had “quite a bit” (prior to this, I’d never had more than one drink at a time, and I don’t think I’d ever finished a full serving) and didn’t really feel much different (though, I downed some water occasionally, and also I’m normally giggly and smiley when hanging with my closest friends).

Today I’m thankful for last night’s fun and also that I didn’t have a hangover.  Also thankful that my photo-friend invited me for a graduation photoshoot and the photos were looking amazing.  It started to rain pretty bad so we didn’t hit all our locations, but we’ve got a photoshoot pt. 2 planned to finish it out :)

[jiminrings]

umm maybe this is me projecting bc i am messaging you during my break but for a drabble request, yoongi in a retail setting???? 😐😐😐😐 oc could either be a co-worker or a regular customer who asks too many questions 😔😌

retail-type beat

drabble week: day three

drabble week masterlist

pairing: customer!yoongi x retail worker!reader

wordcount: 3k

glimpse: "hi! almost thought you were hiding from me for a second. anyways, is this sweater wool or cotton?"

feedback + support mean the world to me!!

the last time you checked, work doesn’t start until nine

you kNEW it doesn’t start until 9 in the morning, so clearly that’s why you’re just wearing slides instead of your sneakers

the company uniform is either black or purple (it has to be from what the store is selling though so you can get to choose) with of course!!!! a lanyard!!!!

and you know this, because you’re still wearing your slides from home because it isn’t opening time yet

“goddamn it, i forgot to bring my slippers,” jin moans the moment he walks to see you, looking down on your feet that only reminds him he’d be stuck in his cool yet painfully uncomfy sneakers

he’s probably the only co-worker that you’re truly close with, not feeling the urge to sell him just to get a free day

“i told you to get the sneakers that nurses use!!”

hands-down one of the best purchases you’ve ever made

retail’s hard and it’s not exactly the best-paying job!!! thankfully the franchise owner is a bit more generous so that’s why you get slightly-higher hourly pay

“i would if they looked a little more seasoned,” jin snorts and stubbornly crosses his arms, “i might sacrifice my pride and buy some compression socks.”

OOOOOH THOSE ARE GOOD TOO

makes you feel like ur walking on air

but lol no seokjin isn’t ready to buy those just yet

he’ll settle on some blisters and putting salonpas patches because they look cooler that way, thank u very much <3

jin yawns, talking about finding a steam iron somewhere to replace a blowdryer so he could break in his shoes

“you wipe the glass this time.”

oh right he absolutely hates wiping down the glass — even before opening!!! even when there aren’t any grubby kids that would soil it instantly with their equally as grubby hands

you don’t mind it honestly

you might honestly like it

you prefer wiping the glass a hundred times over than steaming clothes

there is nOT a single thought in your head when you spray on the solution to the glass, rag and squeegee tucked between your fingers when-

maybe you should’ve hOLY FUCKING SHIT

it’s not opening!!!! it is nOT nine o’clock in the morning!!!!

you know that the shop you’re working in is pretty fucking famous and it’s located on one of the most populated streets ever BUT THERE’S ALREADY SOMEONE

although the bucket hat seems familiar from a distance and-

oh it’s just yoongi

yoongi?

yoongi’s already here????

:O

yoongi, the guy in question, is an always customer!!

no, not a regular customer — an always customer

he comes every week and maybe even twice within that period

he’s a nice talkative customer who likes asking questions and even occasionally guides the other customers on what to buy and where to find it

he’s yoongi!!! of course that’s expected of him

he’s been going here long since you ever started working here, and jin keeps iNSISTING that he’s been here more frequently since you started like a year ago

but doesn’t he come at eleven in the morning?

“woah, yoongi’s already here? — doesn’t he come at eleven in the morning?”

?!!?!!

“i was just thinking the exact same thing.”

jin bangs the glass with his fist and you automatically wince and frown

you dO like cleaning the glass panes!! you didn’t say you liked cleaning them a second time :(

“YOONGI!”

“YES??”

you push jin’s fist away to wipe at the smudge his hand left

“IT’S NOT OPENING YET!”

“I KNOW!!”

wow they’re uh

they’re really loud

sometimes you forget how seokjin could be since it’s been awhile since you heard him yell

lol no one’s been shoplifting recently so you haven’t been hearing him

a mind-blowing idea is for jin to come outside and talk to him in a normal talking voice, so your ears would stop ringing

“HEY! WHAT IF YOU JUST ENTER EARLY IN?”

“REALLY? IS THAT EVEN ALLOWED??”

"YOONGI, EVERYONE ON THE FLOOR KNOWS YOUR NAME. NAMJOON EVEN GAVE YOU A CUSTOMARY BIRTHDAY GIFT, AND WE DON'T GIVE CUSTOMARY BIRTHDAY GIFTS TO ANY OTHER CUSTOMER!!"

namjoon, who technically should be called mr. kim because no one really thinks to call the franchise owner with their government first name, is actually pretty cool

but he's too busy these days and haven't been visiting because he's too busy tending to his newly-opened coffee shop

as if the money he earns from opening his franchise in a day alone isn’t enough :0

"IF YOU SAY SO?"

you’re the one who hikes up the roll-up door in the slightest, enough for only yoongi to enter and not encourage anyone else to nOT enter when it’s still not opening time!!!!

he only has to crouch a little but he still has to dust his thousand-dollar pants as if he crawled through mud

his cream-colored slacks with a large black hoodie that has a giant bear embroidered on the middle of it and mules

... you don't hate his outfits

pretty cute, actually

it's yoongi!!

you'd never catch him lacking!!!

you don't even have to envision him rocking the shit out a paper bag

one time, he came in the store wearing the WRINKLIEST brown linen jumpsuit that no iron could possibly fix and he still pulled it off

toon-teen-ten!

oh god that’s the sound of the intercom

and the sound of the intercom equates to jungkook

... as in jeon jungkook who’s the floor manager and his constant top one goal for every month is to endearingly annoy seokjin

he’s young and mischievous!! but if you were to ask him, only you and jungkook are the people in this floor he’d actually get drinks with outside the shop

“seokjin come to the lingerie department right now, please.”

you see the thing is :D

“now this is just funny

there’s walkie-talkies for everyone here!! jungkook likes intercoms, and seokjin like yelling!!

“WHY ME AGAIN?? I’VE ALREADY FOLDED-“

“there’s a literal rat and i need yOU to catch it!! you know that i hate rodents!!”

him and jungkook are forever gonna be on this eldest-youngest brother dynamic and while jungkook pouts and shared the extras that he gets, jin is the one who kills the bugs :D

10/10 totally fair

fine then!! he’ll catch that goddamn rat

that leaves you and yoongi. alone.

“why did you come so early this time?”

you ask out of courtesy, genuinely baffled too because you know that yoongi’s a creature of habit

yoongi’s eyes pop out, head fervently shaking no

“i’m typically not the type to do that, no.”

???

is he-

are you-

are you both talking about the same thing

yoongi’s face flushes in embarrassment, his mind just then registering what you were actually saying

“o-oh! it’s because last night, i dreamt of the sweater i saw here last week!!"

oh right

typical :D

"need me to find it for you or do you already know the aisle?"

you align the folded shirts by the corners as you pass, looking at yoongi briefly while he trails behind yoh

“not unless you pulled it out already."

he's hoping that dear god you haven't

the black sweater with the moon aND buildings on it and when you turn on the flash, the windows of said building reflect it right back???

he SHUDDERS just by thinking about it

it’s gonna go with everything!!! an instant boost of serotonin every time he sees it

"for you, yoongi?" you shake your head, a small smile on your face that he only sees every once in a while, "i'd comb through the entire stock room."

wait

that’s sweet :((

“i’ll hold you to that.”

you know what??? you're less cranky when it's only him, and a couple of hundred people less

your smiles aren't for customer-service and you don't have misplaced clothes hanging from your shoulders and your walkie-talkie isn't talking in latin

or when no one’s asking you to reach something from the top shelf

or when you’re on the way to the intercom because a kid got separated from their mother

or when someone’s approaching for a refund for a shirt who has a stain that’s 100% no doubt customer error

his feet immediately move on its own because he’s memorized the outline of this too many times

there it is!!!

the sweater he’s dreamt about is already on his hands, only a handful few left

the piece is considerably more expensive than majority of the items here, so that’s why they’re all spaced-out instead of being clustered altogether

yoongi rarely goes to the dressing room, regardless if it's a full-house or not!!

he could just look at an item and immediately tell that it’s made for him ta know

he's beyond sure that this sweater fits him perfectly, but he may want to be here a little longer

yoongi may have say inside one of the fitting rooms and spent a little time in it just to sit on the chair inside, not fitting the sweater at all

he's gotten his item SO quick and he wished he could've just walked slower or pretended to not know where it was!!!

he wants to spend a little more time here

you don't hate yoongi!!! but sometimes he could just be... yoongi

he's quite talkative and strikes it whenever, making you unguarded

he could be overbearing but like an overbearing kind of nice

yoongi’s nice!! he’s the type to ask a lot of questions sure, but he’s also the type that would point the other customers what to buy and where to find it

he’s the type to find an obvious faulty stitch on a shirt, but he’d just quietly exchange it instead of asking for the manager

he’s the type you wouldn’t want to stand behind in line because it would take a long time for him to finish, but he’s also the same one who buys giftcards with generous amounts for family and friends

yoongi’s kind of cool and that’s cemented on your mind

"what do you got for me?"

he materializes out of nowhere, spooked because you thought he already ringed up and was out of the store already

it just happens to be ten minutes before opening and you’re doing last-minute arrangements on a new spread

well, yoongi most certainly is still here and his attention’s piqued

“we have... a new collection."

you clear your theory, awkwardly gesturing because you’re more than aware that yoongi hasn’t seen this either

“yeah, i know that. but like, what's going on??" he gestures to the displays and racks, squinting his eyes, "what's the theme? what's the material?"

:O

uhm you haven't read the brief about this

you aren't even sURE if there is one!!

doesn't everyone make up something on the spot in retail

or atleast that’s what seokjin tells you

“the theme," you clear your throat, scratching your temple before gesturing towards the full rack, "is everything."

“everything?

yoongi’s eyebrow is raised, not expecting that answer at all

you look back to the new feature, and nOW that you think about it,, there's no cohesion at all

“y-yes. the shop was going for the theme of uhm, everything... all at once — yeah, that's it. everything all at once."

it’s a nice way to put it when not one bit of the new collection goes together

“hmmmm. i like it,” yoongi nods solemnly and tilts his head, “and the material?"

"the material?"

you repeat, eyesight not the best so you can’t really tell anything off the bat or uh aNYTHING really

"t-the material is shirt."

they're all shirts!!! that’s it

yoongi grimaces in disgust, the first time you’ve seen of it

“what?? you can't say that.”

he outsretches his hand to the nearest article, holding it up by the hanger

"this, right here, is satin. see how it shines like silk, but doesn't feel like silk?"

uhm yes

you have a gist of what he’s saying but yes

yoongi picks up a pink button shirt this time, flipping it inside out

"this, is silk charmeuse. look at the inside, is it smooth?"

okay where is he going with this

he urges you to put your hand on the fabric and uhhh you didn't sign up for this???

it looks smooth, sure!! end of discussion

"yea-..."

“it's not. it's rough. it is smooth, but it's dull. silk charmeuse is still silk, but the backing it has is different from the lustrous part."

okay yoongi

you’re starting to feel uncomfortable and it has to do something with the tone he’s using on you

“can't believe you didn't know that!! how about this," he plucks out a shirt with a tiny print at the middle of it, "cotton or polyester and rayon?"

"i don't-"

there’s an itch in your neck that you want to scratch, a tell-tale sign that you just wANT to remove yourself from this situation

“come on!! it's a dead giveaway!!"

:((

why is he being like this?

toon-teen-ten!

“y/n, panty section please. jin almost got bit by a mouse and he needs comforting. two minutes until opening, people!!"

jungkook speaks at the right moment, and jin’s little incident is enough of a reason for you to bolt

yoongi's still looking at you but you can't afford to embarrass yourself further

“bye. happy shopping."

huh?

yoongi’s face falls when you leave as cold as that!! typically when you were going to show him out (when it’s regular shop hours), there’d be a smile :((

there's not even a customer service smile :(((

yoongi goes to the only cashier that's open so far and it happens to be far away from you and a teary seokjin

seokjin's fine he didn't even get bit!! that much he could say

but are you okay? uhhh you kinda went cold on him by the end and he thought he started on a good note

yoongi doesn't visit for another week and you don't find yourself counting the days until you meet him again

you did not have a devil wears prada moment where anne hathaway has an epiphany for fashion knowledge

you just felt belittled at a job that isn’t exactly what you wanted anyways

needed, yes. but wanted? not exactly

you know that basic knowledge about clothes is required in a retail job like this and you have it!! you do!!!!

you’d know more if only there were actual available resources for employees to know!!! nobody besides yoongi asks anyways

you’d know if you have time to yourself and aren’t working two jobs trying to make ends meet and tHEN you could pull up a book or something!!!

you’d know if your life is as lax as yoongi’s and could have the budget to buy new things for yourself every single week

“jin, i need to ask you something.”

he hums as called, looking at you briefly until you get on with it

“do you know the difference between silk and silk charmeuse?"

he shrugs casually while you're sitting inside one of the closed-off fitting rooms to catch a break, sharing a burger because the store’s packed-packed

why did you ask him? it’s too easy

“one's made by worms, and the other's a pokémon."

that,.,., could not possibly be righti* it brings you a laugh and you honestly don’t even try to correct him

it’s 11:15 and you kNOW it’s time to resume your shift, straightening your shirt because atleast one (1) person would hound you when they see a familiar red lanyard

oh you’re hounded alright

“hi! almost thought you were hiding from me for a second.”

yoongi????

oh

you haven’t seen him for a week and you don’t know what to feel in all honesty

"anyways, is this sweater wool or cotton?"

wow

you're quite speechless as he holds up the item

really?

this thing all over again???

why are you even surprised

the only thing that yoongi gets your customer service smile, fishing your hand from inside the sweater to show him

“70% wool."

that's it???

NO GOOD MORNING????

you're mad at him, aren't you?

he knew it :((

he knew something was wrong but he just didn’t know what

he’s gonna fix this!! he will

which is why the very next day, he takes the day off from his work and comes to the store at a time he knows you’d surely be there

you're on cashier duty and you like it actually :D

you have an option to sit and the way you’re just gonna scan pricetags (and occasionally enter the code if it doesn’t work) is really appealing

“good morning!"

you’re about to grab the items from the basket laid on the counter and your eyes could only see the very familiar hand

the same one you’ve seen go through racks and racks

yoongi??

he sets his items one by one, buying himself more time

the first one is the same exact sweater he came to wait for before opening

“you already bought this."

you tell him even before you could hold it back, looking back at him briefly before you scan the tag

“i know. i just wanted to see you."

oh

oh

yoongi threw a bunch of other items (individually) so it would be a longer talk, but you scan each item quickly that he’s grabbing things from the counter

hand sanitizer!!! hair ties!!! keychains!!!! yeah he needs them

“i'm sorry that i tend to spring shit on you most of the time. you don't need to know the difference between silk and silk charmeuse."

you only chuckle then, a meek smile on your face

"it's okay, yoongi.”

“it's not."

... it’s not?

yoongi fidgets, opening and closing his mouth like he’s nervous!!! he’s never had his credit card cancelled but he could only feel that this type of jitterness is more than the former

“can i make it up to you? no lanyards, no baskets, no customer service?? i don't wanna fuck things up with you."

“don't feel obligated-"

“i know i could be a condescending ass who expects people to automatically know fabric and whatnot, but i wanna make it up to you."

alright yoongi’s a really good apology-maker

you mIGHT be even flustered a little

“you're holding the line, yoongi.”

“i cleared my schedule."

“i haven’t!!!!!” - guy in the back

“dinner at my place at 8. i-i promise to make your hard-earned break after your shift worthwhile!!!"

hmmm

maybe that wouldn’t hurt

“okay. just because you're holding the line."

“fine by me."

:))

yoongi transfers all the items he bought, all but one, to his tote bag

he hands back the paper bag to you, scribbling his address on the back of the receipt before he does

he lingers a little while at the counter, the people behind him ALREADY switching lanes to the one seokjin’s just opened beside you

it's the sweater that he has too

yoongi scratches the back of his head, this time being the meek one

“what? m-matching sweaters for our first date. s'cute."

[therenlover]

can we get some modern hux as a boyfriend headcanons

You know what? Yes, you can anon! (I need to put down some inspo for a requested fic anyway, so here goes nothing!)

Modern! AU Armitage Hux Boyfriend Headcanons

18+ headcanons will be marked with a line towards the end!

WARNINGS: Mentions of childhood abuse (aka Brendol Hux’s A+ Parenting)

First of all, Armitage works somewhere pretty high profile. I like to lean towards it being a pretty generic big office where they do nondescript business things and make lots of money, but I’ve considered that he’d be great working at a law firm too.

He’s also a workaholic

This means he’s busy like... always. 

You want to grab lunch? Sorry, there's a huge meeting with the higher-ups that day and he needs to get a raise before Pryde does. You want to take a weekend trip? Well too bad because a big case is coming up and he needs to be in the office until 8pm every day.

That being said, if you ever brought it up to him that he spent more time pulling extra hours at the office than with you, he would be more than a little mortified and do his best to try to balance things a little more evenly, even if it meant losing a promotion to Ben “Nepotism” Solo because losing you would be so much worse. 

Speaking of which, you’d also have to get to know his only 3 friends- his bestie Phasma, his work frenemy Ben, and his assistant Mitaka- pretty well because they tend to show up uninvited at random times.

A lot of the time you spend together with ‘Tidge (his nickname, because he hates it less than Armie and saying Armitage 20 times a day can be a real mouthful) is at his big-ass apartment. Date nights on the town are lovely every once in a while, but Hux doesn’t exactly know how to act like a normal person in public,

Before moving in with him, you’d just drop by after work every day and spend some time with Millicent while waiting for him to get home. Once you do live there you’d pretty much do the exact same only in your pajamas. 

He likes to know that, once he gets home from the insane stress of work, his two favorite things are sitting there waiting for him. 

Hux outside the privacy of his own home is, to put it kindly, a man who constantly acts like he has a stick up his ass. When he’s home with you though? Completely different dude. 

Lots of kisses and affection are MUSTS for him because, after his childhood, he craves a lot of physical affection and he only trusts you to give it to him. It’s all in private, though, because he’s uncomfortable with the idea of being seen as weak

The two of you have a lot of little rituals around the house that make him feel more secure.

Like every day he sits on the floor between your legs while you sit on the couch and brush the gel out of his hair. It takes about 15 minutes and you both just sit and talk about your days. He loves the feeling on your hands running through his hair after a long day. It makes even the worst days bearable when he knows he has that to come home to. 

Armitage also loves to cook dinner for you.

You always try to insist that he’s worked late so you could do it, or you could just order in, but he loves to cook for you and thinks it’s a great way to show his affection. Surprisingly, he’s a pretty great chef. 

If you ever met his father, which Hux would try to prevent with literally all his might, it would probably go very, very poorly, because the second Brendol made some asshole remark about your boyfriend being less-than-enough you’d defend him. 

And the second Brendol started getting on you about anything, Hux would just beat the shit out of him. Because it’s one thing for his father to ridicule him in front of people, but you? No way.

He refuses to let anyone make you feel the way his father made him feel, even if it means standing up to him for the first time. 

Also, Armitage is rich. Like, old-money rich. And even if his dad tried to get him cut off from the fund his mother put in place for him during the divorce, he makes enough money at his job that it doesn’t really matter.

Basically, expect ridiculously expensive gifts. 

If you don’t like gifts or don’t want him to ‘waste money’ on you (which would never be the case, but he wants you to be happy) he’ll spend the money on things you both enjoy instead, like really good ingredients for dinner or a new mattress made exactly the way you need it to fic your back pain. 

--------- 18+ from this point on! ---------

Armitage isn’t very confident in bed, but he makes up for that with enthusiasm and pure skill.

It’s more comfortable for him to be on top. He likes to feel like he’s always in control of the situation because it’s already kinda weird for him to be so vulnerable and exposed. That being said he trusts you more than anybody else. If being on top is what you want then he’ll try it.

Even when it comes to getting pegged/fucked, he’d be open to it, but only if you were the one doing it. (he’d probably be a crier as a sub tho, fair warning)

He tends to get self-conscious when it comes to his scars, they’re a reminder of his ‘failure’ in the eyes of his father, but some nights when you make love you kiss them and tell him all the things you love about him to try to give him something else to think about when he sees them.

‘Tidge LOVES giving head

You never would have guessed it, he does seem like the kind of guy who will take what he wants to chase his own release, but he really just likes making you feel as good as possible at all times. 

Hux tends to cum second. His whole goal is to make you feel as good as possible and that usually means taking care of your needs before his, but even when he neglects himself you take care of him (in the bedroom and outside of it)

Both at home and at work he wears a lot of suits, so if a sharp-dressed man is a turn-on for you, congratulations. 

He tends not to go for quickies, they’re too reminiscent of work to him where the idea is to do as much as possible in a short amount of time, but sometimes if you show up at the office with flowers or lunch he’ll take you in his office. 

Finally, he has surprising stamina.

No, like... surprising.

For someone who looks like a fucking twig and works in an office all day, he can absolutely keep up with whatever you throw at him. 

--------

a/n: whew! This was like a writing warm-up before a marathon! I know Hux is definitely not the main bitch I post about on this blog, but he was my first love. Technically, even my username is paying homage to him (and Kylo, who I love dearly but cannot stand a lot of the time lol) I loved returning to my roots for this one. Thanks for the request anon!

TAGLIST: @tatestripedsweater , @elaineygrace, @multiyfandomgirl40 , @another-emotional-wreck ,  @lovelymischief 

[phaltu]

just some thoughts about life and turning 27

I’m coming up on 27 and I think I’m in a way better place than I was when I was on this blog in my most depressive phase and turning 24. Retrospectively, it’s crazy that I was only truly unemployed for a few months and low on money for a year, but it felt like forever at the time. I’m making a really good amount of money right now and even though my job is frustrating, it doesn’t expect me to think about it outside of office hours and it’s been a godsend during the pandemic.

I think I was way too hard on myself after graduating university in ways that I shouldn’t have been, and whimsical about things I should have taken seriously. I’ve stopped blaming myself and calling myself an utter failure, mostly because doing so took up so much of my time and I need to just keep moving forward.

Do I still think I’m a failure? Yes, to an absolutely massive degree, but I have no idea how I could even begin to explain it to people. I work a well-paid job where I’ve done well enough to make bonuses that would be more than what I made in 3-4 months when I was 24. I’m currently studying for something that’ll give me higher standing in the industry I now work in as a whole and even better pay and I’ll be working towards becoming a fellow at an educational institution. This job’s left me free time to be a lot more creative than I was when I was actually working in my field and I think for all intents and purposes, I should be proud of myself. 

But I spent so much of my life beating myself down for never being good enough that now when I see my friends who’re grinding themselves down to a nub in the field I had originally wanted to work in yet still find time to make their own projects, I feel like a failure and a cop out. I don’t know how to feel better about this, I really don’t and I wish I did. I’ve been a lot easier on myself lately though, and I’ve learned to be more malleable when it comes to measuring my failures against my successes.

I still don’t know what to do with my life though but I think right now, for 27, this is good enough.

I guess then that brings me to the second part, which is about moving out.

Anyone who’s also been clicking my read-mores since 2018 knows I have a younger sibling who is a little high strung to say the least, but I would still give the world to three times over.

My parents didn’t want to pay for me to move out and I wasn’t able to save during high-school or gain any work experience till I was 18 because we couldn’t really afford babysitting for a while so I had to spend time taking care of my sister.

Said sibling is apartment hunting in the same city as her university which is the same city where I commuted to university in. She’s frustrated from studying online and living at home and thinks she doesn’t get space to breathe. Her and I had really different upbringings so she’s not used to having to juggle things beyond herself and that’s what my parents think too. She wants to live downtown so she can have a social life and be near class but she’ll also have to work and juggle a lot of day to day stuff, and right now she cries when she’s told to do too many chores lol

I’m trying to be sympathetic towards her but it’s been years of her non stop talking about the same thing (that she’s going to have no career despite having a high GPA and a lot of volunteer experience and now, getting offers for paid study-related jobs by the handful) over and over again while I’ve been trying to fight with my own sense of being an immense failure. Ironic, given what I said a couple of paragraphs above lol. But I think it may have also been the fact that she used to cry to me over university applications while I used to secretly cry about only making $100 that month lol. I forgot where I’m going with this

OH yeah so moving out... I’ve been thinking about it but it’s so complex for me and rent is so fucking expensive in my city and this city is so boring that it’s not even worth it IMO so I’ve been thinking a lot about like... what next. I only talk about it with like 1-2 friends because I find it turns into an uncomfortable conversation with literally anyone else. I could definitely live on my own but I break out into hives whenever I think about paying $1.5k for a tiny fishbowl apartment in this city and also, I don’t think my parents would take care of our dog as well as I do. And he’d also hate moving away from my parents. I feel like my dog’s like 50% of the reason I haven’t moved and the other 50% is just trying to figure out what the hell I want to do  🤣 🤣 I could save for a house but the housing market literally anywhere in Canada is the PITS 

The one thing I don’t regret though is how much money I’ve spent travelling like DAMN... a bitch has been everywhere but anyways

So far, my MO has been to just save and save till I figure out though I’m heavily leaning towards taking a sabbatical and going somewhere else for a year. Maybe go pursue my original field away but in a sharper, more intelligent way. I don’t know. I DON’T KNOW. So much of my life right now just feels like an expanse of not knowing and I’ve tried to explain this to people and they say it’s a pandemic thing but I’ve been feeling it from before the pandemic  🤣

What was the other thing I wanted to talk about... I guess the last thing is that despite all of this, I am at least having a signficant amount of creative fun. Moreso than I ever have. With fics, with writing original things, with trying out new things with visual art and music and cooking. I’ve tried to be a lot more present despite all my inner hang-ups and have been conscious of reminding myself that I have done a lot and to remember what to expect from whom and also to not overburden people in my life just because I feel insecure about how I am as a person.

So overall, I think I’ve grown as a person in a positive way even if this post was just me venting about the bad parts. I think there’s a lot of good parts to me too, and I’m a lot smarter in many ways than I was before, and have let go of ego and bravado where it was hurting me more than helping. I’ve also stopped pouring all these things out to my friends because at the end of the day, they’re just trying to figure out life too and I also didn’t like the sound of myself complain.

 I wish there was someone I could talk to without feeling guilty about overburdening them but I think ultimately, that person would just have to be myself. My friends are loving and sweet and caring and I think I’ve won the lottery with all the amazing people I’ve gotten to meet, but it’s not their job to bring me implementable solutions and they’re already angels for how much they’ve listened to me bitch and moan. There’s some stuff I need to come to terms with with myself, and the only way I can do that is by being honest with myself about certain stuff.

I guess the only other thing I have to do is just learn to be easier on myself and tell myself I’m not a failure of a sister/daughter/friend/person after all. Also if you made it all this way... *gucci mane voice* wow 

[ronsenburg]

Hi! I wanted to ask you something about Klapollo. What topic/argument do you think could possibly cause them to break up or take a break from the relationship? I live for the drama and was thinking about maybe writing a fic but like I dont want to make either of them assholes, like Apollo bringing Kristoph up to hurt Klavier, for example. I don't think he would do that but I struggle to come up with something else.

Oh boy, I hope you’re not upset about this, but I wrote you an essay. I’m sorry.

Overall, I really like the klapollo relationship timeline because, compared to, say, narumi/su they have a much more normal, organic story. They meet, flirt, share a mutual trauma, get together! Totally normal! But I also think that they would have a much harder time than narumi/su finding the balance you need in a serious relationship and I can see them calling it quits for perfectly practical reasons that aren’t really anything to do with one being a jerk, you know? Here are my top things that I think they would have to navigate and maybe struggle with before a real happily ever after:

1. Money. You’ve probably seen my post where I talk about Apollo feeling uncomfortable with displays of affluence. I don’t think that this is an easy one to get past. AA6 Spoilers, but Dhurke and Datz literally raised them in hiding on the run in the mountainous jungles of Khura’in. They sent Apollo to the states as a nine year old. We don’t know what he did when he got here, but my money’s always been on the foster system. That doesn’t typically breed a sense of stability, financial or otherwise. 

From my experience (so take it with a grain of salt), children who grow up with very little tend to behave in one of two ways when they reach financial stability and/or achieve wealth: first option, they’re really bad with it. They spend it nearly as fast as they make it on things they didn’t get to have or experience when they were growing up. Second option, they never spend it. They know what it’s like to be without, so they save as much of it as they can so they have the security of knowing, if something happens, they won’t have to go back to the way it was before. I will always put Apollo in the latter category. He works hard for what he has and what he gets and, I think, things that signify extravagance make him uncomfortable. On the other hand, I think that the Gavin’s have always had some sort of wealth. Klavier and Kristoph have very different aesthetics to their spaces that we get to experience (Klavier’s office and Kristoph’s cell) but they’re both pretty lavish. Now, we can assume they each made their money individually in their respective careers but, honestly, Kristoph’s cell is so gaudy. To me, it screams “this is what I’m used to and I refuse to accept any less” which is an attitude that I feel comes more from a lifetime of that treatment. 

So if we accept everything that I’ve said above as true, trying to put a person who saves every penny they get and feels bad treating themselves with a person who spends money freely because it’s been a constant throughout their life? It can go poorly. Casually dating, maybe it’s not such an issue once Apollo says “please no more presents and can we just get takeout for once?” but if you’re talking about something more serious, where you have to live in the same space and pay joint bills and be confronted with the other person’s spending habits constantly, it’s a whole other thing. Please take it from me as a person in a long term relationship who loves their partner tremendously—everyone fights about money. Everyone. It would be very difficult for Apollo to feel comfortable, even if he knew that finances were in good shape and there was savings, etc. Things happen, people leave. Nothing gold can stay. Changing that line of thinking takes work. It would also be easier said than done for Klavier to just do an about face on his own habits for Apollo’s comfort. Being a celebrity makes money, but it costs money, too. There is a certain amount of lushness that people expect. That can’t just go away. These are things that become bigger problems overtime, no matter how much you love each other. 

Anyway, I would be really surprised if—even if you’re writing them as really happily married—Apollo doesn’t have a ‘emergency fund’ that even Klavier doesn’t know about. It’s a ‘just in case’. Just in case Klavier leaves him. Just in case he needs to get away fast. Just in case the world ends. It’s not a logical thing, something that he sat down and rationalized doing, it’s just there because it feels better to have it than to not. But that can be kind of hurtful if the other person finds out about it, so. There you go, a whole minefield of money related drama.

2. Apollo’s Abandonment Issues. He’s got them! What do you call and orphan twice over who also lost his very best friend? I don’t know, but if capcom doesn’t stop picking on my boy I’m going to kick them in the teeth. I will still never get over AA6 for telling us that Dhurke took Apollo in when he was orphaned as a baby, then abandoned him in the USA, then came back for him and got his hopes up, and then was actually dead the whole time! Hahahaha! What a trip! 

Anyway, you don’t come back from that super easy. People who suffer this kind of trauma usually have a really hard time trusting others, which is understandable. They also can have unrealistic needs from their partners, become codependent, or even just self-sabotage their relationships, pulling away first to try and avoid the pain because they think the other person will leave them. I think that last one is most likely for Apollo, especially given the disparity in circumstances I mentioned above. If Apollo can’t trust that Klavier actually loves him, can’t trust that he won’t leave him like EVERYONE ELSE HAS, then they can’t have a healthy relationship. Drama.

3. Klavier’s Emotional Trauma. Kristoph is a pretty big jerk to Klavier in the last case of AA4. He criticizes and undermines Klavier, threatens and admits to manipulating him. In the anthology, Klavier shares an “lol so funny!” story about Kristoph accidentally breaking a window while he and Klavier are playing ball. In it, he convinces Klavier that it was his fault and that he should take the blame and apologize for breaking the window! And Klavier does! That’s gaslighting, baby, and since the Anthology is supposed to be canon, we can take that to mean it’s been happening since Klavier was a kid. Think about that. An entire life of gaslighting and manipulative behavior! You don’t come back from that easily, either. 

People who experience emotional abuse can, among other things, suffer from depression and low-self esteem. They need affirmation from their partners and can have a hard time with letting people in or being honest (though not from a malicious mindset—more a “I’m going to say what I think you want to hear because if you’re happy, bad things won’t happen!”). They can also always be waiting for the other shoe to drop, so to speak. Sure things are good, but when will that end and the bad time start? It’s a self fulfilling prophecy: if all you can do is worry about things going wrong, then you aren’t actually enjoying when things are going right and you will cause the issues you’re so worried about. Drama.

4. Fame. Klavier has been in the spotlight since he was a literal child. If the Gavinners were already hits when Klavier was 17, they likely formed and starred their rise some time before then. A year, maybe two? Klavier spent his formative years in the spotlight. He quite literally doesn’t know any other way. Apollo, on the other hand, has never experienced the kind of scrutiny he’d be subject to when dating someone like Klavier. It can be really stressful and hurtful and just overall not a good time. And I’m not saying that Klavier wouldn’t be sympathetic, but I don’t think he would really understand how difficult it could be to have been thrust into that position out of nowhere, because he’s had years of dealing with it and was in a completely different place in life when it began for him. It’s not unreasonable to think that Apollo might not be able to take it. You can love someone and want to be with them but if you can’t adapt to their lifestyle, it’s not going to work. They could walk away rather than risk what might happen to Apollo if they kept it up. Drama.

5. Careers. They both have very demanding jobs. While sharing a similar profession can mean there’s a mutual understanding, it can also cause issues if you... never get to see each other? Schedules can be out of alignment (which could easily happen; their cases can’t always line up and they seem to require a lot of time investment outside of just normal hours). If Klavier goes back into music, that’s an additional time constraint. Why be in a relationship when you can only see the other person for moments here and there? What about the stress that comes with those jobs? That can cause drama.

6. Klavier looks like Kristoph. They are very different people, yes, but similar enough in some ways that it could cause tension. Maybe Klavier is tired and stressed and snaps at Apollo, and suddenly, all Apollo can see is Kristoph and all he can feel is the uncomfortable churning in his stomach that goes along with the memories of him. Someone he trusted, someone who let him down. That’s a difficult subject to broach, and it can fester like an infected wound if left intended. 

But Apollo sounds like Kristoph sometimes. We saw it in AA5, which is, of course, an extreme circumstance. But it can come out from time to time in other ways. A phrase that slips out, the way he intones certain words, the way he signs off in his emails—little things that are harmless, but can still act as triggers. 

Sometimes you need to get away from things that can remind you of your past in order to work on getting over them. If you are in love with someone who shares a similar trauma, who brings those issues from the past to light frequently just by being themselves, it might not be a healthy situation. I don’t think they would need to throw it in each other’s faces for it to become an issue. Drama.

There are more, but I probably took this more seriously than you intended. Whoops! Anyway, I hope that helps??? Maybe???? I hope you get them back together in the end because they deserve to be happy though!!!!!!!

[thorstday]

so! i've seen a lot of stuff regarding shang-chi on my dash that i just wanted to vent about

there's a lot of claims that it isn't being promoted enough by disney, and i can't say it isn't true that it's not being promoted as much as other mcu films, but i have definitely still seen tons of ads for it. from the huge ad in times square to the constant pop ups on fandom.com to the trailer being played literally every commercial break on the canadian tv channels i watch... while i wouldn't be suprised if someone showed me that there's a drastic difference in how much was spent promoting shang-chi compared to, say, any of the three spidey movies, i really do think there was still quite a large amount of money put into advertising. the fact that maybe mcu fans/blogs aren't talking about it is a different matter lol

another thing! while i do not and cannot speak for other east asians, speaking from my own view as a chinese canadian, i really hate the sentiment of "you should support the movie in theaters for the sake of representation." i am not paying disney because they're "giving" us representation. it's true that this is a huge step and an amazing first for the franchise, but at the end of the day, this is just another way for disney to make profit. if you don't want to go watch in theaters, then don't. i will side-eye anyone doesn't watch shang-chi but will financially support anything else the mcu puts out, but like... that's their personal problem.

on a personal note. i've been asked to see it in theaters, but i'm not going because there's still a pandemic going on? idk about how it is everywhere else, but there has been a surge in cases where i am and our healthcare system is on the brink of collapse. i'm not going to pay money to risk the health of me and everyone in the theater so i can send a message to hollywood about how profitable it is to make movies about marginalized groups or whatever <3

marvel will continue to make movies regardless. even if shang-chi gets record breaking numbers in the box office, that won't change whatever plans they already have in place, which is more white people as main characters, because that's safe and that will guarantee they will make money. sounds pretty pessimistic, i know, but how could you not be when looking at anything regarding disney?

[aprillikesthings]

STRESS DUMP TIME

because aaaaaugh!!

I have spent so much money on masks trying to get something that actually works and I can tolerate and it's extremely frustrating. I did just buy this weird-ass brace thing but I dunno if it'll get here before I leave.

I had a dumbass argument online today with someone about the local homelessness problems. I ended up quoting A Christmas Carol, because he basically suggested we bring back debtor's prison/workhouses. You can punish people for being homeless or you can solve homelessness but those are mutually exclusive, dude. People like you are literally why we'll never solve homelessness in the USA--god forbid we just help people, even if we don't like them.

This is so damn minor, but the number of people who post to r/abrathatfits *insisting* that the calculator is wrong because they have small boobs, there's no way they're an F cup! is just starting to wear on me. Y'all. Try reading literally any random handful of posts on the subreddit. Or the beginner's guide. Or looking at the links in the sidebar to collections of what sizes look like.

I sent the text asking people for their share of the rent money and neither of them have sent it yet, which means I had to transfer money from savings to cover it for now. One of them is worrying me because she usually pays immediately and didn't even reply to my text. :/ (She's not actually in the house--and if/when she moves back in? Another source of stress!)

The rent went up and also as of next month we're paying for water/sewage and I have no clue how much that'll be, especially since it's not by household, it's literally the entire complex's bill split evenly? which doesn't make any fucking sense?

Oh and I keep forgetting to buy renter's insurance, which we're supposed to have--I'll do that this weekend.

THE HOUSE IS A FUCKING DISASTER I manage to get one spot clean and it's back to "covered in crap" within two days. Also the house is basically full of empty seltzer cans because there kept being one reason or another that Daci couldn't drive them to the return. Now that the weather is reasonable and they're feeling better I'm going to have to tell them "take them away within a week or I'm going to leave them out by the bins" again.

I can't clean my own room because at this point there literally isn't enough space in my closet/drawers for the amount of clothing I own. I want to sell some items but the process of getting started on that is Extremely Intimidating.

I just feel like I'm bleeding a lot of money just before flying out and it's hard not to panic. I mean, I still have a savings cushion. I'm not going to, like, miss rent next month. But aaugh.

(I keep thinking: jfc I could probably sell a few Gunne Sax dresses I've never worn and pay for like, a third of my trip, lol.)

I hope I don't test positive on the way out. I hope I don't get Covid in Iceland. I hope I have a good time in Iceland. I hope I don't fuck up or forget anything. I hope that when something inevitably does go wrong I roll with it instead of losing my shit. I hope that if/when I get frustrated/sad/upset/lonely and cry about it that I'm alone (or talking to Daci).

Okay. I think that's everything.

TIME FOR SOME GOOD THINGS:

my fandom friend who was in the path of the worst of Hurricane Ida made it through fine, and her parents are fine, and her apartment is fine; and she expects her power to come back on soon (she's right next to the substation, apparently) and she already has cell service again. Whew.

I am able to afford to finally go to Iceland, after all these years. ;_; Most of my plans and reservations are already made. Their average daily covid case count is lower than ours.

Sugary Carnival (as in, the dress) arrives next month.

Daci is The Best (and just came upstairs with a weed vape. tasty.)

Pan and Saer: also The Best

I like my job and my coworkers (most of the time), and I am making more per hour than I have in my entire life

My health is pretty good, all things considered

The worst of summer is finally over!!! (now if only it would rain...)

[rolaana2]

Huge fucking vent (literally just talking to myself lol I don’t wanna cry anymore so I’ll write instead)

So it’s always been my dream to go to uni in the UK (preferably london). Mostly because I wanna be completely away from my family. I wanna do shit that would disappoint them. They’re religious asf and I wanna drink and smoke weed and do drugs and date around and hook up with people and live alone and barely eat and be bisexual without fear of persecution. But of course I tell my mom it’s bc of the quality of education and job opportunities and all of that (which is also true). But I’ve always wanted to study abroad. That’s been my dream ever since i started middle school.

My dads been against it from the beginning but he doesn’t even live in the same country so Idc what he says. My mom’s been supportive, until now. Now she’s forcing me to go back to my third world country and study there and stay with family and I finally gave in. I’m so sad I haven’t stopped crying. I can’t run away because I don’t have any money and the country I’m in rn doesn’t allow minors to work. Plus, I pay for a lot of my own shit already with a very limited allowance.

I’ve been telling everyone I’m studying abroad, and I’m running away if my parents say no, and everyone’s been like “woah that’s crazy but you can totally do it” and now I don’t think I can.

I mean, with the little amount I have saved, I can only afford a flight ticket. I can’t afford a visa, and even if I did get a visa, it would probably be a tourist/visit visa, not a student/resident. I won’t be able to afford uni, let alone a place to stay. It’s not realistic for me to run away.

When I say third world country, I might be exaggerating. I mean, it’s just an overpopulated, slightly below average country (economy wise) and education there is great and all, but idk.

I negotiated with my mom, I’d only be okay with living there if I get to stay in a dorm and I get a car, and she agreed. I’ll also get a job. She says I can travel when I finish undergrad.

Plus, the money I have saved rn is worth way more in my home country than in the UK. It’s about £4500 in my country, but £200GBP in the UK. Obviously I’d be more comfortable in my home country.

And even though I’m very distant from my family, they’re still super well off and with their support I could ACTUALLY afford to study AND have fun. The uni I’m planning on going to has study abroad programs too.

The people in the country are super fun and chill and friendly, there’s parties and weed and alcohol and everything. Being bisexual might be illegal and I’m not entirely sure how the people there might react to me being bi, or if there would be any bi women there in the first place, but I guess we’ll see. There’s international students there too.

Also, one concern I have is that the country’s food is literally ALL carbs and fats. Almond milk is £50 and I love almond milk. Healthy food & low cal food is super expensive, and isn’t available either. There’s no Walden farms, halo top, alpro, etc. But I know loads of uni students there are BIG on fitness and all have gym memberships and stuff.

I’m trying to make it seem cool and fun but I feel like a failure. Ive given up on my dreams and I’m just accepting it. It’s not the worst thing in the world, but it’s definitely not ideal. I spent so long planning everything, I literally memorized the London map. I was counting on going to the UK, I couldn’t be around my family. The only thing that kept me going was the fact that one day I was leaving and wouldn’t have to talk to them as much, but now I’m not. Now they’re always gonna be around. Even my extended family, I’ve never felt like I was part of them. My cousins were so close and I was always an outsider. They all have married conservative parents and live in big fancy houses and went to fancy schools and I live w my single mom in an average apartment and go to a shitty school. Plus my mom’s the only one in the family that dresses the way she wants, got divorced, etc so they’ve formed their opinions. My dad was barely around. I only saw him in the summers, and mostly on weekends. My mom is a whole other story that I don’t like getting into and I’m completely traumatized and will probably have serious issues forever. I can’t even connect with the country itself. The culture, language, traditions, entertainment, all of it. They’d probably call me white washed and I don’t even live in a “white” country.

Im trying to be happy about it. I’m trying to be excited about it. But giving up like that feels so awful, and giving my parents the satisfaction of winning? I hate it. I mean, after everything they’ve done. After all the fights and arguments and days I’ve spent crying screaming and wishing I didn’t live there or wishing I had different parents. This was my only goal. My only goal was to study abroad, and now I don’t have that and I feel like such a huge fucking failure. My mom is ecstatic and she thinks I’m excited because I’m talking about it a lot and planning everything out, but I’m not.

Idk if I should be feeling defeated, or be realistic, get all the financial support I can from my parents, negotiate my independence, make the best of the situation, get a job and save up till I can travel and live alone after undergrad. I know it’s not the end of the world, and it’s just 4 years, but Idk anymore.

[xxxtwilightaxelxxx]

Hello 🥰 I wanna know your best stories from working in retail please!

OKAYYYYYY I HAVE BEEN MEANING TO REPLY TO THIS FOR AGES LONG. So I'm bad with remembering stuff so I won't be able to think of everything so I'll think of the ones that come to my head, they will mainly be about horrible customers lol

1: we've had ppl come in here thinking its the shop next door because we as connected and wear similar colours so ppl ask me where stuff is and the website they show me is for the other one, or ppl coming up to me to ask about where to return something to see the item has a big sticker with the other shops name on it and tell them its next door, or they think theres only one shop and its just massive.

2: When first lockdown happend we only allowed people who came in for essentials and I had to refuse someone because he wanted to buy a background for his fish tank.

3: I've had someone who didn't believe in co vid and thought it was a conspiracy, that person really freaked me out

4: One customer wanted to return a toilet seat and for about 20 min assured herself and us she got it here, but I had worked in that department before and knew I had never seen that before, even checking the website for customer services since I was in the area, in the end she was given a number to call but when she came back in after putting it in her car apparently her bf said she got it from b&q.

5: Someone recently asked me if we sold paper to wrap fish and chips in..we do not

6: THE AMOUNT OF TIMES I'VE BEEN ASKED WHERE SOMETHING IS AND ITS BEHIND THEM ON A MASSIVE STAND OR LITERALLY BY THEIR FACE!!!

7: The anger I get over ppl who don't cover their entire faces or just don't wear one.

8: Asked a manager to talk to a couple because they were rude to me about wearing a face mask and they ended up shouting at him and were gonna sue him XD

9: We've had multiple floods....all while I'm not there. One happened hours before my shift so when I came in there was water still on the floor, the another time the day I started my holiday. We had one after builders came in and spent like over a month on it. But I think we now have monthly ppl who come in a check it and clear the pipes and the roof.

10: Have stopped ppl from stealing, such as there was a girl who for months came in and then left like 20 seconds latter but I was either by the door for customers or only saw her as she was leaving, finally stopped her a couple of weeks ago and said how I've been watching her for months and next time she comes in she pays for what she got (it was crisps) she hasn't come in since.

11: So I can also cut material like curtains and table cloth, someone asked for 20 metres of something but after I had rolled it all out it only went up to 15 so after she left I had to re roll it again ;_;

12: My only feedback I've since I've worked there was recently and they couple wrote a hand written note to the store about how well I did in helping them and it was very touching and nothing beats a hand written note :)

13: Had to help customer services because they wanted to double check a price for a customer who bought tablecloth and it came to £26 (this is the one we cut on a roll) and it was 13 per metre, he I guess assumed it was one of the £4 ones, when his wife came and he told her...she blew her lips, argring with him about how he spent 26 fucking quid, how she wants to return it and get her money back but they can't cause its policy, and how it wasn't clear where each roll has a ticket next to them and she was really angry and when we and someone tried to explain she thought we were arguing with her, she called the store later to talk to the store manager and apparently was crying and something about how they needed the money but the manager said the same thing, once its cut it can't be returned or exchanged since he saw them cut it and he picked it out, which the manager said so its not our thought its his.

And one more, 14: I once took like four pizzas home because they bought pizza as thankyou over something and by the end of the day there was so much left, and they were doing it again for the people the next day so I asked if I could take what was left since no one else was so yeah I had pizza a lot over those days XD

@chelleztjs18 you said you wanted to read them :)

[thinking-in-symbols]

Quinquennial Life Assessment

So, it’s been a few years.  When I was 19 I posted a sort of “roadmap” for the evolution of my life on this blog.  Today I thought I’d revisit that.  I want to take a look back and see what progress I’ve made, and then in a separate post I want to turn to the future, think about how my vision for it has changed, and consider how I can reincorporate these goals into that vision.

This is the list of things I wanted to get done in varying time frames.  I’ve crossed off the things I’ve done to get a sense of my progress:

1 year:

At 19, my hopes were to accomplish the following things by age 20:

- Joined, and consistently participated in, at least 2 campus organizations that suit my interests, at least 1 of which should be competitive in nature - well, I joined the ISO and KVRX, my college radio station!  Neither of those were competitive, but in retrospect I don’t really care about that :-)

- Made concrete plans to study abroad - Nope, unfortunately I never did this.  I’m not quite sure I regret that, all things considered - I traded that experience for other things.  I did make plans to spend a few months abroad of my own accord, and I would have gotten away with it, too, if it weren’t for that meddling global pandemic.  But as it stands I haven’t done this.

- Learned C++ and python to proficiency - Hm.  “Proficient” is a relative term.  But I think I have a tendency to downplay my skills, so in the interest of counteracting that I’m going to count myself as “proficient” in these languages.  I think that’s fair.

- Gone on at least a several day road trip with at least 1 friend - I’ve gone on several trips with @meeshbug​, my very lovely girlfriend and best friend in the world :-)

- Decided on a concentration beyond the extremely vague umbrella of “computer science” - Unfortunately as far as my education is concerned I never really did this.  If anything my interests have *broadened* rather than becoming more focused.  More on this later...

- Made meaningful, ongoing contributions to an open-source project - You know what?  I’ve published the source of everything I’ve ever made, and I’ve gotten to the point where I can make stuff that’s not trivial.  So I’m giving myself credit for this one.

- Learned to cook enough meals to eat in most days and not get sick of my own food - I wish.  I’ve learned to cook a fair amount of stuff but I still get way too depressed and lethargic to apply that consistently.  Whether I consider myself to have achieved this honestly depends on the month.

- Learned to keep my living area clean - I’m much better at this than I was at 19, but at 19 I could barely clear a path to walk across my room.  So there’s more work to do.  More on these last two later.

- Gotten a pet - Meesh and I have a dog named Courage (after the dog of cowardly fame) and a cat named Jax!

2 years:

- Independently written a piece of software to completion and deployed it publicly - I’ve always pretty bad at actually seeing projects through to completion, but I do have a few full, independent projects under my belt at this point.  I’ve built a simple game engine, a pathtracer, plugins for games I like, and some other stuff.

- purchased and begun regularly using some basic amateur radio equipment - Ah man.  I got my license but I still haven’t gotten any equipment.  I guess I have to get on that...

- purchased and begun experimenting with some basic music recording equipment - This one I’ve done, but I haven’t done as much experimenting as I’d like.

- hosted a party - I did this for my 21st birthday and it’s one of my favorite memories!  Honestly this was probably the last time I had all my really close friends in one place.  I’m actually getting kind of emotional about that.

- done some kind of hallucinogen - I have now done this.  I definitely did get something out of it, albeit not what I expected.  This is something I actually only did pretty recently and it’s still having a pretty profound effect.  Maybe I’ll write a separate post about this.

- Gone camping with friends - Despite my best efforts, this hasn’t happened yet.  Pretty fucked up.

3 years:

- learned to play another instrument besides the piano (guitar?) - I don’t feel comfortable crossing this one off quite yet, but I went ahead and bought myself some guitar equipment and have been messing around with it lately :-) I think I’m going to have to bite the bullet and pay for lessons if I’m serious about this, which I am.

- Written and recorded a song - Damn, I can’t believe it’s been 5 years and I haven’t even done this.

- Met a group of people I can play music with - nope

- Owned a leather jacket.  I can’t believe I’ve still never even owned a leather jacket - I’ve done this and wore it frankly too much.  Kinda cringe.

- Worked as a professional software developer - Yep!  Worked as a software developer for a retail company for a couple years.  I’m actually not working as a software developer right now, though; I’m working in a sort of adjacent position.  More on this later.

- Participated in research related to my field - That’s pretty ambitious.  Not sure I’ll ever do this, unfortunately.  But we’ll see.

- Been to a film festival - Oh shit, I totally forgot about having written this.  That’s a cool idea.  I should do this, it’s not like it’s hard (well, at least in principle.  I guess covid kind of changes the situation).

- Gotten a dog - Courage is one of those, I think, although he might also be part rat.

- collected 50 records - Lol, my dumb ass really thought I was going to buy $1,000 worth of records on college money.  No, I haven’t done this, but I’m on my way there.

- Purchased a desktop computer - Well, my dad gave me his old desktop.  That’s not really a purchase but I think it counts.

5 years:

- Begun accepting freelance development gigs - haven’t gotten here yet and I’m not totally sure this is a direction I want to go in my career.  Freelancing has its own stressors as I’ve come to learn from others.  No career path is sunshine and roses and I’m trying to internalize this fact.

- Participated in a student film - Nope.  I don’t even know why I wrote this down to be honest.

- Gotten laid by solving a 5x5 Rubik’s Cube in front of a girl because surely that’s gonna have to work on someone eventually, otherwise I wasted a lot of time - These are getting weird.  Surely I didn’t really expect this to happen, right?  Well, either way I now have a long-term girlfriend, so I don’t - wait, Meesh has seen me solve a Rubik’s cube and she saw it before we started dating.  So actually I’m going to give myself credit for it.  I’m the one who makes the rules here.

- Fleshed out my political opinions - Yes, I now know everything about politics and can answer 100% of questions on political issues.  Just kidding.  But I know where I stand.

- Participated in a protest or some other kind of political event - Done!  Went to a few protests as part of the ISO, participated in lots of their events, and attended some protests with friends as well.

- Studied abroad - Nope :-/

- Learned a language other than Spanish - I took a semester of French!  But I don’t quite want to give myself credit for this one because I really would like to learn a different language to something resembling fluency.

- Run a marathon - Lmao.  I am in much worse shape now than I was when I wrote this post, and even at that time I could probably do like 7 miles if I really pushed myself.  How sad.

- Gone hiking outside of texas - This is weird because I’d literally already done this when I wrote this post.  But I’ve done it more since then, so hey!

- Been out of the country with a friend - This I had also already done.  I guess the point is to have done it without “adult supervision” or whatever.  I haven’t done this since writing this list so I guess I have to leave it uncrossed.

10 years:

- Lived with a girl for an extended period of time - Meesh 🥰

- Spent at least 6 months living on the road in an RV, preferably with a dog and a girl - God, I am so close to being able to do this.  I don’t want it to be an RV anymore - those things are expensive.  But a van?  Still pricey, but doable, especially if I’m willing to sacrifice some comfort.  This has actually been front-of-mind for a while.  I’ll let you know when I get the balls to pull the trigger.

- Started making Real Money - Well, yep, I have gotten to that point.  I do have other thoughts on this, though.  Money is weird, man.

- Lived in a long-term living space outside of Texas (i.e. not including RV time) - How long is long-term?  Three months?  If so, I’ve done this by living in Boston with Meesh for a few months after she went there for law school.  However, I anticipate staying there much longer in the near future, so I’ll wait on this crossing this one off.

- Written a book about something, idk - Not yet.  I’m halfway to the deadline on this one and I have some ideas, but ideas aren’t worth all that much, especially to me, who rarely sees them through.  We’ll see where this goes.  It’s not exactly a priority and historically I struggle to get even my priorities done.  It might make more sense to replace this with recording a concept or narrative album, for which I also have ideas that I happen to take more seriously.

- Learned to solve a 6x6 Rubik’s Cube - nope

- Gotten laid by solving a 6x6 Rubik’s Cube - nope

- Lived in an apartment where I pay all the rent - Yes!  :-))) We love independence

- Earned an advanced degree (this one’s iffy) - This hasn’t happened, and whether it will ever happen is something I’ve been thinking a lot about.  I sort of decided half-way through college that I would be totally burned out on school by the time I graduated.  But in retrospect it takes way less time to burn out on work than it does to burn out on school, and grad degrees are a different kind of thing.  So it’s worth revisiting.’

- Given a best man speech (Sam, this means you have to get married within the next 10 years.  Good luck out there.) - Holy shit, Sam, you maniac, you actually did it!  Sam got married back in 2019 and I gave his best man speech! It’s another one of my favorite memories :-) 

- Gone on a cruise with someone I’m dating - Hmm, not yet.  I’ve gone on cool trips, but none on a boat.  Maybe that’s something to aim for after the pandemic passes :-)

Retrospective:

1yr: Completed: 5/9

More than half isn’t bad!  I’m not gonna worry too much about whether I got these things done within their assigned “time-frame”.  I’m a procrastinator in my heart and I don’t see any reason to put that kind of pressure on myself.  The point is, they got done.  That’s enough for me.

The things I did best in in this category were academic things, and things to do with relationships.  I’m proud of the academic achievements, I really feel like doing them has increased my belief in myself and my sense that I’m good at the thing I’ve spent the last four years studying.  And of course, I am so happy to be in a loving, fulfilling relationship that brings so many good things into my life.  I almost feel like the things I accomplished sort of fell into my lap - of course I’m gonna do programming stuff as a programming student, and getting pets / going on road trips are things I did as a result of my relationship with Meesh.  I don’t say that to downplay the accomplishments, but I do think it’s worth noting.

The things I haven’t done are more to do with personal development, which is disappointing.  I would like to be able to say, 5 years down the road, that I’ve done the personal development I expected to do in just a single year, but maybe that’s a lot to expect.  These are problems I’ve dealt with my whole life.  I think what this means is that I can’t expect everything to fall into my lap.  Those things are going to take real concerted effort to change.  I’m not quite sure how to go about that, though.

2yrs: Completed: 4/6

Two-thirds!  Even better!

Lots of these are one-time accomplishments, not so much long-term commitments to personal development.  The good news is, I did them, and I think those resulted in some development in their own right :-)

Again, though, the things I didn’t do so well are the things that require long-term, concerted effort.  For instance, while I crossed off the one about experimenting with music, it’s really only the initial investment that I’ve really done at this point.  It remains to be seen whether I’ll be able to follow through on the commitment to actually experiment and learn.

3yrs: Completed: 4/10

This category also follows the same pattern I’ve noticed with the last two.  The other thing I’m noticing is that so, so much of my effort over the past few years has been going towards developing a very particular skill: programming / computer science.  Music and art are so important to me, but I’ve done very little real development in those areas.  I mean, I’ve done some.  But not as much as I would have hoped for half a decade.

5yrs: Completed: 4/10

This is getting a little more fun because less of my goals have to do explicitly with my degree.  I’m starting to think beyond college, which is good, because the stage of life I’m in right now requires me to start thinking about the kind of life I want to build now that I’m done with school.  Also, I’m at the deadline for this one right now!  So this is a particularly interesting category because it really shows where I thought I’d be by this time.

The goals I accomplished in this timeframe are, again, mostly things I’ve done through my relationship, but politics also feature pretty prominently on this part of the list.  I spent a lot of time reading and researching political issues during college and really did look for ways to participate.  I honestly made politics a pretty big part of my identity over the last 5 years, and I think it will stay that way forever, but I’ve gotten to the point where I think I need to devote less of my mental energy to knowing more.  I know what I need to know.  It’s time to think about other things.

10yrs: Completed: 4/11 (and counting!)

There’s some career stuff in this section that I’ve been able to do, which is good news.  I’ve always been scared about entering the working world.  All things told, it’s gone more smoothly than it could have.  But I also have lots of lingering doubts about what I want to do in the long term.  So one of the most pressing goals I should aim for is to resolve those doubts.

Ultimately, I have a lot of time left, and I’m not even done with this time frame, so I’m not gonna spend much time dissecting the things I haven’t done.  What I’ll do instead is say that while I didn’t do everything on this list, I feel proud of the things I have accomplished.  I said when I first wrote this list that it’s sometimes hard for me to feel that my life is moving in any particular direction, and I’m still feeling like that five years later, to be honest.  But looking back on these things has helped me see that I actually am making progress in my life.  Not in all the ways I want to, but that’s OK.  There’s still time.

In the next couple days I want to come back to this and reorganize this list into an updated set of goals, for the same time frames.  Maybe that will help me think through exactly what it is I want out of the next five-ten years, with the benefit of having analyzed the things that I did and didn’t do well over the previous five.

[aforrestofstuff]

What do you think the OPM characters' guilty pleasures would be? I feel like Tatsu loves soap operas and Atomic Samurai secretly loves a really popular boy band, like SMAP

Thanks for your request, anon! Sorry this took me so long to get to, you were buried in my inbox lol. But I hope this was worth the wait because oh boy this required all 3 of my brain cells.

Tornado of Terror: As you said, soap operas. She also loves candy apples in canon. But...she also is a HUGE fan of those really cheesy Cosmopolitan magazines that have all of the personality quizzes and the “which hot male celeb would date you” scenarios. She doesn’t fall for it one bit. In fact, she hate reads those fuckers in the same way that people pay to go see bad movies. It’s fun.

Silverfang: Yoga and following along to some cheesy-ass 80s workout videos. I’ve said he likes yoga in a previous headcanon, but he also likes to exercise along to some obnoxious 80s pop while some dude in a leotard instructs him on what to do from a TV screen. He wears sweatbands and legwarmers, too. The whole shebang. He only does it when he’s alone, though. Sometimes he’ll try to teach yoga to his disciples as a way to help them decompress after a long training session, but his workout tapes are his best-kept secret.

Atomic Samurai: I don’t know what a SMAP is, but he’s definitely got some questionable music choices going on considering he’s... well, the way that he is. I’d say he likes to listen to old country, like Marty Robbins and Glen Campbell. It’s really funny because you’ve got this intimidating man from Japan (or a fictional universe basically set in Japan) with a badass katana and shit but inside that empty head of his, there’s just a faint “out in the west Texas town of El Paso....”

Child Emperor: Picking at scabs. He’s often on his knees fixing shit in his lab, and he probably gets burned all the damn time from playing around with lasers so he’s undoubtedly always has a wound healing somewhere. Whenever he’s working on something, he’ll just absentmindedly pick at his scabs. It’s a bad habit and he knows it, but nothing beats the feeling of peeling off an entire patch of that shit. So satisfying.

Metal Knight: Buying books. He doesn’t even read them. He just buys bigass novels with smart-sounding names to fill up his library because he thinks it’ll make his dick grow another three inches or some shit. One of the few things he likes in this world (besides homicide) is the smell of a new book. If he’s feeling particularly pissy, he’ll go into his library and just ssssssnnnnnnnnnniififfffffffffff. He spends an outrageous amount of money on it. If he has anyone over (which is unlikely, but hypothetically speaking) and they mention his library by asking something like “have you read all of these?” It’ll be one of the few times in his life that he’ll feel shame.

King: Reading and writing fanfiction based on his favorite video game/anime series. Nobody knows he does this except his small following online, of course. And even more so, nobody online knows he’s an ultra-popular S-Class hero who’s friends with the most powerful man on earth. He’s actually a pretty decent writer, he just doesn’t take himself too seriously so the plotline to his stories tend to get a little haywire and overly self-indulgent. Let him have his fun. He just wants to be a Sailor Scout.

Zombieman: Singing. He actually used to be a good singer (he sounded like a discount Steve Perry back in the day), but constant smoking really fucked up his voice. He might as well have lungs the size of grapes because he can’t carry a note for more than 2 seconds without wheezing like an accordion with asthma. He’s never sang in front of anyone before because he thinks it’s silly thing that isn’t worth showing off. Play anything from The Eagles though, and he’ll have a hard time resisting.

Drive Knight: He likes to open up panels in his arms and legs to play with the wires (basically a robot’s version of nerve endings, I’m assuming) just so he can feel something. It’s kind of sad because he doesn’t experience pain or the cold or being tickled... (I know what y’all are thinking and you’d better STOP). So he sometimes takes it upon himself to dick around with his insides and dip his toe into what it feels like to be human, even if it’s just for a little bit. He’s super secretive about it (he’s just secretive about everything, really) because he doesn’t want anyone to know that he desires something outside of being a weapon of mass destruction justice.

Pig God: His whole schtick is basically indulging in a guilty pleasure — pigging out on delicious food with no regard whatsoever for one’s overall health. Other than that, however, he does like to collect body pillows. There, I said it. All he fucking does is eat and he’s too much of a big boi to be going out 24/7, so he’s gotta be on the internet/watching anime/playing video games/reading manga during all of that downtime between his stints of doing hero work. His bed is fucking ginormous to handle all of that big boy-ness and on it, he has his body pillow nest. He rests on a throne made for kings. A true icon.

Superalloy Darkshine: Also working out along to some cheesy 80s exercise videos. His hero outfit was inspired from what those ravishing instructors would wear on the television. Well, it was supposed to be a full leotard but it ripped every time he flexed just a tiny bit so the speedo is the only thing that’s left. He’s gotta hella rhythm and keeps up with the music using little to no effort. Although, he can’t go too hard because he’s also a big boi and he’ll literally shake the entire building if he gets too turnt up. Dance muscle boy, dance.

Watchdog Man: Eating too many dog treats lol. Sometimes while he’s stationed on his little podium thing, visitors will leave him little offerings like dog treats and other miscellaneous food items/toys. He never takes them or eats them in front of people, but he often brings everything home with him after a long day just to gobble that shit up. He’s gained a little weight since he started doing it but you can’t even notice it because his suit is hella bulky. Some of it is due in part to stress-eating because being a dog and dude at the same time is hectic, but it’s honest work.

Flashy Flash: Racing shit. Whenever he’s on his travels during, say, assassination missions or hero work, he gets hella bored really quickly. So, to help with this, he’ll often race birds or planes flying in the sky on his way to his destination to see who’s quicker (it’s always him). Sometimes he’ll even play catch with himself by throwing a pine cone or something and running to the place he guesses it’ll land before it even touches the ground. He just does a ton of weird speedster shit whenever he’s bored and he’ll deny it if anyone asks.

Genos: Purposefully putting a little bit too much oil on his joints after each upgrade so he’ll be as slick as a salamander. It’s a really funny feeling to be able to move your limbs with little to no resistance without having to worry about popping or breaking anything. It just makes him feel so agile despite being like, a hunk of actual metal. If he wasn’t so uptight, he would loosen the screws in his fingers to he can bend them almost all the way back (he’s actually thought about it a few times), but both Dr. Kuseno and his 3 remaining braincells attested to that. He just likes to tinker around with his body and see what weird shit he can do. It’s a bad habit because it’s led to a few things being broken on multiple occasions.

Metal Bat: Zenko’s shitty pop music. Whenever he drops her off at school or piano practice, he’ll immediately go home and blast that shit on full volume (because he’s practically deaf from always jumping out of falling buildings and continuously blasting music in his earbuds) while doing chores and the like. He’s one of those people that HAVE to have something going on in the background as they’re getting shit done. He’d rather be caught dead than listening to the OPM equivalent of Taylor Swift because he knows Zenko would never let him live it down.

Tanktop Master: Wearing suits around the house when he’s not even going anywhere. He’s got to wear his tanktop 24/7 whenever he’s in public to keep up The Image (which he has no problem with, he genuinely loves the tanktop ideology) but he also needs to feel fancy every once and a while. So, if he happens to have the time while in between appearances, he’ll prance around in a suit tailored just for him. Because he’s so fucking huge that he had to pay someone a large sum to custom make an outfit that actually fits. He is 7-motherfucking-feet tall. 7.

Puri-Puri Prisoner: Making Valentine’s Day cards all times of the year. Listen, it gets boring as hell in prison. Sometimes the guards will let all of the inmates have a little glitter and glue to keep themselves busy because no harm can come of a little arts and crafts, right? He likes to make cards on the daily just to let all of his lovers know how much he appreciates them. If they express even the slightest amount of disdain for his creations, he’ll spent the next week crying in the darkest corner of his cell block. He also likes origami. Origami is huge in prison because it’s hella time-consuming and guaranteed to calm a busy mind. His favorite things to make are little unicorns.

Amai Mask: Bath bombs. There have been several mishaps in which he’s used a poorly-made bath bomb and came out of the tub looking like Shrek but he’s grown and lot since then, okay? After a long day or a particularly stressful concert, he’ll sink into some hot water and drop a ball of lavender-scented goodness in there. It’s become a bit of an addiction because he’s got multiple cabinets dedicated solely to his collection, but at least he always smells divine.

Iaian: Shakespearean dramas. Kama got him hooked on theater shit and he’s since ripped through all of the most well-known plays. He thinks in iambic pentameter. It wasn’t always noticeable since he’s a quiet, well-reserved guy but his fellow disciples and Kami have recently noticed that he’s developed a bit of a dramatic flair. Even worse, he’s started calling himself a knight whenever he puts on his armor. Everyone prays it’s just a phase but seeing as how stubborn Iaian is, that seeks highly unlikely. Kami is dying inside because he can’t handle another drama nerd.

Okamaitachi: Soap operas, like Tatsumaki. Kama is the most dramatic out of all of the disciples so it’s only natural that she’d like the most dramatic genre of any show out there. She doesn’t exactly watch them religiously though. She’s the type of viewer to drop off the face of the earth for three seasons and come back without knowing what the fuck is going on (because the disciples have limited access to cable due to Kami’s dumbassery and ignorance to anything technology-related), but still cry during the finale anyway because oh no these people are so hot and one of them is deaaaaaad and the other one is that person’s long-lost sister....

Bushidrill: Taking alcohol from Atomic Samurai’s stash every so often. Bushidrill knows what the good shit is and he could buy it himself if he wanted to, but why would he when there’s a perfectly good alcoholic to steal from living right down the hall? He only takes in small doses because, believe it or not—he’s smart, but Kami isn’t gonna notice regardless of whether or not Bushi takes 1 or 5 bottles at a time because the old shit couldn’t spot a purple raccoon if it was 3 feet in front of him. There have been times where Bushi has opened bottles of Kami’s alcohol right in front of him just to play God and he always, without missing a beat, says “Oh, we have the same taste. How neat.”

Fubuki: I’ve said this before in a previous headcanon, but she has a mild obsession with Victorian aesthetic. She’s got a small collection of semi-authentic ballgowns that cost upwards of a-fuckton-of-money each, but anything’s worth it to be able to play dress-up with Lily. Fubuki’s favorite thing is making Lily feel beautiful because everyone has been an insecure teenager at one point and she knows how it feels to not be comfortable in one’s own skin. This isn’t exactly a guilty pleasure because she’s not guilty about it, but it’s almost gotten to a point where an intervention is needed. She’s got so many damn dresses and sooooo much fine china....

Saitama: Retail therapy, lol. Saitama is only good at budgeting because he has no choice given how fucking poor he is, but give this boy even a little bit of leeway and he’ll buy the ugliest clothes (to which he thinks look poppin’) and the best meats without even batting an eye. His entire manga collection is the product of him having little to no self control the moment he realizes he’s got a bit of money to spend on himself. This is also the only time he’ll experiment with cooking because now he can actually afford to fuck up, literally.

Mumen Rider: Sweets! I’ve said this in a previous hc but he has a major sweet tooth. You can substitute salt for sugar in any given recipe and he’ll see it as a major improvement because he just goes absolutely buckwild for anything sweet. His pancreas is suffering, but he believes nothing feels better than curling up under the covers on a rainy day with a heaping helping of milk chocolate. The only thing that makes him feel better after getting beat to shit is a kiss on the cheek and box of his favorite cookies (and some bananas, lol).

Sonic: Like Flash, he also likes racing things. But, in addition to that, his guilty pleasure is doing his own hair in elaborate hairstyles (when it was longer). He’s pretty much homeless so he’s got a lot of time to himself in between murders. This is when you can find him sitting in the woods somewhere braiding flowers into his hair and tying it off with a moss ribbon. He’d never admit he does this because he’s a big macho man and he’d probably cry.

Garou: Spicy chips. I’ve said this before in a previous hc, but he absolutely inhales his food without even tasting it half the time so it’s not even like he gets to enjoy the flavor that much. He just likes the burn because he’s a shithead. He also doesn’t fear death or a torn-up asshole, so he’ll eat an entire family-sized bag of the OPM-universe equivalent to Takis without even batting an eye. He’s been beat to shit so many times that the agony that comes with downing so much spice is lost on him. He doesn’t even need water. It’s insane. Someone stop this madman at once.

[shemetan]

rapper hc part 1

hi guys!!! so i’ve had this idea in my head forever and just didn’t have anyone to share it with but i told hedy about it yesterday and she scammed me into creating tumblr acc and sharing it here lol but when i went to write it down i  realized that i have a lot more to share so it’s gonna be just the 1st part for now, which was the only thing i had in my mind originally but now i’m working on expanding it.

i have a lot of ideas from the songs and this is no exception. this time the inspiration was NF - an amazing rapper and song writer. his songs uncover so much trauma and the things he raps and sings about are so real for a lot of us that you can’t help relating to them. NF’s real name is Nathan which also played part in this idea. lyrics of the songs are what the hc is based on so please listen to the songs i mention and pay attention to the lyrics.

ok i don’t wanna waste more of your time bc the hc is big as it is so without further ado let’s dive into it. p.s. it’s the first time i do a thing like that so im sorry in advance for any inconsistencies or the general drama:)))

TW!! (everything is just mentioned, nothing too graphic) physical abuse, verbal/emotional abuse, alcohol, drinking, drug addiction, overdose, death from overdose, kidnapping, torture (beating, skin burning, cuts – all of it not descriptive), violence, breaking one’s own bones, putting bastards to prison. also NF’s lyrics got a lot of triggers and cover very serious issues so if you decide to listen to some more of his music be careful with that. some of the things mentioned in the songs i’ve used here: depression, grave digging, guns, blood (in a non-violent way).

neil’s story: he grew up in an abusive family. his father was drinking a lot and abused him physically and verbally saying that he was nothing and nobody and would not amount to anything in his life. he despised neil’s love for music and laughed at him. he also hit him more when he noticed anything related to neil’s passion (neil humming some melody or listening to music in his headphones or trying to create smth). his mother tried to protect him but she couldn’t do much bc of her drug addiction. she overdosed during his last year in hs and surprisingly left him some money. when Nathan found out about that he was enraged and beat the shit out of neil so he would give him that money. to run away from his father neil goes to university to study his passion – music. he’s always had some kind of knack for creating music and rapping and now he could explore it more and not be afraid of nathan. he tries to overcome his trauma and even makes some friends (the foxes).

during the freshman year andrew and neil spend a lot of time together. they find the reflections of their hurt in each other and they find understanding. they share some of their past and their traumas; their view of the world and their dreams. andrew feels like he is falling because he’s never met anyone like neil. slowly there are soft touches and furtive glances but neither is ready yet to cross that line.

neil seemingly gets better even though there are a lot of hard moments on the way. however at the end of his freshman year nathan finds him and he and his cronies kidnap and beat neil up for Mary’s money keeping him in the basement for several days. this money is all neil’s got to survive and build his life so he doesn’t say anything and thinks of the ways to run. im not good with making up torture techniques and nathan is not so imaginative here but they still leave neil with scars on his face, his torso and hands (mostly burns from cigarettes, iron, cuts from glass bottles). by the end of the third day neil is physically and morally exhausted so he gives up and transfers all the money to them (he’s got a little of it left on his other acc) and they drunk on their win leave him in the basement. he breaks his fingers to get out of the handcuffs and gets out through the small basement window and runs outside. not long after that he collapses from all the exhaustion and blood loss and someone notices him. they call the cops and the ambulance. after that nathan and his cronies are put into prison and neil is left with almost no money. he leaves the state and a year later with a lot of effort, practicing and self-advertising he successfully signs with a music label under the name N/A.

andrew’s story: tilda didn’t give him up but was a shitty mother (obv) with drug addiction. andrew and aaron’s parents were divorced and their father didn’t live with them but tried to be there when he could. andrew started creating music as an outlet bc tilda’s boyfriends were physically abusing him and he tried to protect aaron from that. he and aaron were close bc they only had each other but andrew still didn’t share his trauma with aaron trying to protect him from that hell. of course he was only a child and couldn’t always take aaron’s place in beating but most of it lay on him. while at hs they became a band with the help of nicky and performed with their songs were they could and tried to self-advertise and wymack (he’s the head of the music dep at uni and also one of the profs) noticed them and offered them partial scholarships. they had some money left after tilda’s overdose (they lived for some time with their father after her death) so they went to get actual education on music production (at this point I don’t care how plausible it sounds, just don’t think too much about it ok lol)

the story:

ok so nathaniel once went to uni with the foxes (is there such a major as music production and singing or smth?) but at the end of his freshman year he disappeared. he was not very sociable so no one really cared where’d he go except for the foxes with whom he became somewhat friends. 1-2 years later he pops up as a new young and very talented rapper named N/A and he’s got burn scars all over his face and hands which he doesn’t hide so very intriguing right??? nobody knows much about him and that his name stands for Neil Abram so they take it literally as ‘no data available’ or smth (hedy also proposed “not applicable”!). foxes are like WTF we know that guy!! and wymack is also like isn’t that nathaniel??

Andrew’s become a huge fan of neil’s music. only renee knows that andrew’s been listening to neil’s songs non stop bc he can relate so hard to them and they just hit him right where it hurts. at the end of their last year they have like a huge final concert or smth and wymack organizes it to be held in one of the palmetto clubs. at the same time neil is coming back to Palmetto bc he is nostalgic of the time he spent in the uni with the foxes and he wants to escape his real life for a moment. he wants to visit the city and reminisce and he believes that none of the foxes really remembers him bc he was a nobody. I know the plot is getting ridiculous but bear with me

so it’s the evening of the gig and the students perform their music (songs, instrumentals, as solos/duets/bands etc). andrew majorly produces rap songs at this point and he performs in duet with renee with their song (NF’s “Can you hold me”). everyone is like shit it was so good but then andrew performs his solo song (NF’s “How could you leave us”). aaron is standing there and is a fucking mess bc he never knew andrew was that affected by their past and their mother’s death bc he never showed it and didn’t ever want to talk about his issues. (be warned this is a heart-wrenching song and it fits fucking perfectly). after that andrew almost runs outside for a smoke, trying to light a cigarette with his shaking fingers and thats when he sees a strange all covered up figure in a black hoodie entering the club but also cautiously looking over their shoulder like they don’t want to be caught. andrew ever the protective one follows him but loses in the crowd of the low lit club. 10 mins later there is quiet and the figure goes on stage – obv its neil. “Intro III” starts playing.

andrew is in awe and he’s never heard this song before so it must be new. he also never saw neil perform live so he cant really move bc the performance is so powerful and magnetic. *neils sitting on one of the disconnected amplifiers in the dark and the music starts building up. At 2:00 of the song after the words “I mean, what are you, outta your mind? 'Cause both of us will be, come on, let's go outside!” he pulls off his hood, his movements are fierce and aggressive and he’s almost screaming in the mic. at words “You had me scared for a second, I thought we were diggin' my grave” theres his fathers smile, vicious, crazy and cruel – thats how he remembered it spending 3 days in that basement. (fyi in the song NF’s talking to his fear and they go back and forth).* 

andrew is mesmerized, the foxes are in shock, the whole crowd does not understand who that is but they watch with open mouths. the song ends and the crowd goes wild. that’s when neil starts talking.

“hello palmetto. this is a great concert you got and some of you guys are fucking talented. my name is neil and I used to go to PSU a long time ago so you prolly don’t know me but professor wymack out there let me come here on this stage and sing a couple of my songs for you. one of them is my old song, and another is new but they both tell my story and I hope you like’em”. 

people cheer and applaud and after a moment another song starts playing. its the one andrew knows (it’s Paralyzed). the atmosphere gets way calmer but everyone is just as hypnotized. during the chorus neil is standing under the dim lights, head turned up facing the ceiling, eyes closed, his scars are illuminated. he looks almost peaceful but there’s pain and apathy showing on his face and in his posture. the song ends and neil leaves the stage. andrew cant make his legs move but he has to meet neil (he just realized that neil’s shared his name with them and it wasn’t “nathaniel” and andrew’s got so many questions).

he forces himself to move and almost runs backstage. neil is already leaving but andrew stops him by grabbing him by his arm. they stand there looking at each other, andrew panting, his body shaking a little, neil wide-eyed.

“Andrew…” he whispers obviously surprised by seeing Andrew here.

“Nath- Neil.” suddenly Andrew cant ask a single question. he’s got so many that it feels like a waste of time to ask them one by one. Neil looks down at where Andrew is still grabbing his arm and Andrew lets go off him like its burnt him. “You are here” he lets out on the exhale like he still can’t believe it.

Neil averts his eyes and puts the hood of his sweater on his head so that the shadows obscure half of his face. “Yeah” he replies and after a few seconds follows with hesitant “How are you?” It is a stupid question, Andrew thinks but he answers nonetheless with simple fine. Neil holds his head low, and Andrew can’t help but wonder if Neil doesn’t wanna look him in the eyes after his disappearance so many years ago or if he simply doesn’t want to see Andrew’s face. Both options hurt him but he doesn’t have the heart to ask.

the end of part 1. come yell at me on twt or here hihi

[blackcoffeeandblankpagess]

Tips for road tripping across country?!

Oof Idk where to start lol.

I’ll just list out some things that come to mind cause I could probably go on forever

Try to utilize people you know when it comes to places to stay, or at least be creative. For instance, last summer Jared and I knew we were stopping in boulder and I have extended family there so I asked if we could spend a night at their place, it turned out they were out of town so they literally just left us the keys and we had the place to ourselves for a few days, it was great. I happen to have a pretty big network of friends/family around the country so no matter which route I take chances are I’ll be passing somewhat through an area with people I know and generally, if those people live on the other side of the country I probably haven’t seen them in awhile so it’s nice to stop in and say hi regardless. Even if people don’t live in the exact spot you want to visit, when you’re driving across the whole freaking country taking an hour detour for a free place to sleep isn’t too big a deal (obvi like...don’t take advantage of people who you never speak to, but generally I’ve not had problems with this)

Pack food! I like to eat out a decent amount when traveling because it’s part of the experience, but you don’t need to eat EVERY meal out. Having a little cooler with snacks and stuff can save a lot of money, and also reduce stress if you’re out in the middle of nowhere at a meal time without a lot of options (trust me, at least in the US there is a whooooole lot of nothing out there). This is also good for taking leftovers if you do go out to eat! When Jared and I drove back recently we got takeout for dinner twice and I managed to make 2 meals out of it each time by putting it in the hotel fridge overnight and packing it in the cooler the next day. Also going on a grocery run before you leave to pick up a few essentials is SO worth it. We spent probably like $20 on bread, pb, jelly, veggies, hummus, bagels, cream cheese, etc. (also using stuff we already had in our fridge/pantry) and even if we only skipped ONE meal out because we had those things we would already basically be breaking even. Also, when there isn’t a PANDEMIC happening, a lot of hotels come with breakfast (if staying in a hotel) so that’s also a way to cut food costs (I mean...ignoring the fact that hotels are already $$$)

Plan your route around some things you really want to see! Every time I’ve traveled across the country there has been a reason for it, I’ve never taken the trip JUST for fun, but all that really means is that the start and end point were predetermined, what I did in the middle was up to me and whoever I was with. I like to plan my trips around national parks and cities I’ve never been to. The national parks out west in the US are super cool because a lot of them are in random ass places that might not be worth taking an individual trip to get to. If I have to choose between two places I try to think where I would be willing to take more time/maybe fly to someday as a longer trip, and then I stop at the quicker spot on my road trip. Also, in the US you can get an annual pass for national parks, I forget how much it is but I usually get it. I think if you visit like...3 parks in a year it basically pays itself off which is really easy to do depending on where you live/where you’re visiting on your trip.

Reach out to people who are familiar with the places you’re visiting for advice! If I only have a day in a place I want to experience as much as possible and see the best that it has to offer, which is where knowing locals can come in handy. Half the time I literally toss out places on here and chances are I get a few recommendations which really helps! Going to a place you know nothing about can be super overwhelming if you don’t know where to start.

Take advantage of free stuff i.e. nature, parks, museums, etc. When we drove across the country recently we pretty much stayed on one road the whole time without stopping for much ~fun~ but even then there were a bunch of cool scenic viewpoints and even just taking 20 mins to drive around a city before we left and look at the city hall etc. was cool

If you are traveling with someone make sure it is someone you can tolerate spending extended periods of time with lol and that you have similar preferences for spending time in the car!!!! for instance some people like constant music, some silence, some podcasts, etc. It doesn’t seem like a big deal but if you are going to spend like 40 hours in a car it matters

Back to places to stay- my first pick is always contacting people I know, but after that tbh I just go for like...the cheapest hotel or airbnb. It also depends if you’re only stopping somewhere literally for 1 night to sleep or if you will be there for a few days. You could def also camp but I have yet to do that on a roadtrip despite saying I should (to be fair, we would have this spring if, ya know, the world wasn’t imploding), if you stay a little outside of a city it’s usually cheaper AND because most national parks are in the middle of nowhere if you go visit those sometimes the lodging is cheaper (but also look in advance because sometimes it is few and far between)

I could probably say like 40000 things but I’ll leave it there. The biggest monetary factors are lodging and food (and gas but there’s only so much you can do about that). Like I said if you get creative with it it really does not have to cost TOO much, but it totally depends on your priorities, how long you’re going, what you like to do, where you go, who you know, etc.

[borkingbarnes]

oh man im gonna rant for a second on here. This is more so my pent up frustration so I’m gonna throw a keep reading bar in case u don't wanna see it lol 

This only pertains to some Youtubers, obviously not all. But the sheer wastefulness of the fucking YouTube community blows my mind. There are youtubers whose channels are dedicated to playing pranks, and some of those pranks involve wasting bins upon bins of food (the fruit ninja craze comes to mind) while people are starving in the streets. 

I’m mostly gonna rant about the beauty community because ~95% of my entire time spent on YouTube is watching makeup related things. 

It’s just so frustrating seeing brands send PR packages with excessive packaging and 30 shades of foundation to ONE person who will maybe use a maximum of 2-3 of those shades. And not to mention, it’s not like they're only sending those packages to a select few, no. It’s loads of people on their PR list!! The amount of processing and manufacturing of not only the products but the packaging and shipping out the packages themselves is all just so excessive.

And I guess that being said it ties in with “beauty guru’s” in general. They try a product and wear it a few times, then it sits in their drawers and expires and they “declutter” and throw it out. By opening and using products, they can’t even donate it to women’s shelters. 

Now I’ve followed and supported Tati (glamlifeguru) for years and years and she currently comes to mind because I recently watched and had to click out of one of her videos because it was pissing me off so badly. She goes on about how the world is a scary place and how dire the current situation is, but then a few minutes later she begins to talk about extremely luxury makeup and how you should spend the money because its self-love. Then she follows by talking about her video about her $1000 face of makeup video. And honestly that just blew my mind!! People are literally taking extreme losses and are spiralling into debt due to losing jobs or not being able to work. For her to sit in her SECOND home in Seattle, with a networth of millions and all the amenities and luxury things she could possibly want to spend on, it just rubbed me so wrong.

Other you tubers have been extremely kind and have been doing giveaways (Nikkietutorials has offered to pay for peoples groceries) and thats the kind of character I love to support. Obviously it’s Tati’s own money and she made her own career, but its just so hypocritical for her to preach love and peace and constantly tell people to help one another in her videos and not do a single thing when times get tough. I’m just so disappointed with her honestly and extremely disappointed with the prank video channels and people who are making light of this pandemic by using it for views (like licking toilets, seriously?). 

I’m just so frustrated with the world and so frustrated with people.

Anyways if you've read all this, thank you for letting me vent out my thoughts. Stay safe and stay healthy.