#the anxiety attacked me first

[coffeeworldsasaki]

Another thing that makes kaladin so painfully relatable is how much his mental illness hides his personality, because between depressive episodes and trauma he's this sarcastic little shit that smiles a lot at his friends and then the depression gets to him and all that disappears

[crybaby-bkg]

a slight continuation of this

no caller ID pops on your screen, pulling your attention away from your previous task at hand: not fucking up your eyeliner. you typically wouldn’t care if it was a little uneven, but you’re going on a date tonight, for the first time in so long, and you want everything to go as smoothly as possible.

which is why you groan when you end the call, and that same no caller ID pops right back up seconds later. you know who it is—who else would it be? you figured he’s already seen your story of being excited for going on your first date in a while, on the only app you hadn’t blocked him on. petty? perhaps, but it’s on him to be keeping up with you despite you cursing him out for wasting your time and then blocking him right after.

you watch it ring though, contemplating for a while longer than you should. you blocked him for a reason. no need to entertain his same shit that he always spews to you when he realizes that he might be losing you once more?

….but it doesn’t hurt to hear the hero beg for you.

“What do you want, Bakugou?” You sigh irritably as you finally answer his call, putting him on speaker as you go back to even out your eyeliner. You hear him huff on the other side of the phone at the use of his surname, but he doesn’t say anything about it, instead, quickly telling you what he’s been bothering you for.

“Who’s the fuckin’ loser that’s gonna drool over how good your tits look in that stupid green dress you love so much?” Bakugou grunts, and you instantly feel your face heating at his crude words. You glance over with a frown at that same green dress that makes your tits look good, where it hangs on your closet.

“None of your damn business, Bakugou.” You snap at him, wondering if it’s too late to find something else to wear. “Not like you ever took me out in my stupid green dress.” Your voice holds a level of bitterness that only he can bring out of you, and you hear his sigh through the speakers.

“I told you this before, I’m always—”

“Busy.” You cut him off, voice suddenly thick as you think back on the countless rejections he’s splattered at your feet every time you tried to further your relationship with him. “You reminded me of how busy you’ve been since you first started this whole situationship.”

“Situation—? Huh? We were dating!” Bakugou protests with a huff, and you can hear how he paces the floor quickly. You glare at your phone, setting down your liner to instead pick of your (his) favorite lipgloss.

“You’d have to ask me out to be dating, Bakugou. You’d have to court me to be dating, Bakugou. You’d have to make time for me and take me out on dates and not hide me to fucking date me, Bakugou.” You spit at him, venom dripping off of your lips in waves. You don’t know why you answered, why you even entertained him. You shake your head with a huff when the line goes quiet, eyebrows quirking up when your date sends you a text to make sure you’re still on for tonight.

“I’m sorry.” Bakugou mutters pathetically, his voice suddenly soft. You hesitate, for some reason, when it comes to texting your date back. Why do you always hesitate when Bakugou is around?

“Let me make it up to you, court you, and shit. I can take you to one of my favorite places, you can wear that pretty green dress and that gloss you know I love.” His voice is pleading, thickening and sweet and suffocating. You shouldn’t respond, should reply back a yes to your date.

“Please? You know how much you mean to me.” Bakugou mumbles, and you can hear the earnestness in his voice. Why haven’t you said yes to your date yet?

“I’ll do better this time. Just one more chance, sweetheart.” Bakugou’s voice is so soft, you’ve never heard him this vulnerable before. You sigh with a shake of your head, slumping back into your seat in defeat.

…

Sorry, I can’t make it tonight. Something came up. Maybe we can reschedule for another time?

[albaqae]

TW- DEPICTIONS OF PANIC ATTACK, OVERSTIMULATION AND DISSOCIATION, BRIGHT COLORS, also I vent a little :)

In honor of my most recent new rock-bottom record, decided to draw this scene from @tangledinink fanfic :)

This scene hit really close to home, I’ve just never seen overstimulation and panic attack described so well, it made me feel like maybe im not that odd and there’s actual people who know what it’s like. I dunno what that means for me yet but I feel seen so maybe it’s a good thing or maybe it’s the opposite and it’s just ANOTHER rock bottom I just hit lol

Screenshots of the scene under cut! That way u can c what I mean when I say THIS WRITING IS SO ANGELIC AND IT FEELS LIKE A GENUINE NEW TMNT GENERATION AND UGHHAHAHWHJZNSZ

DO YOU SEE WHAT I MEAN.

[significant-ace-nnoyance]

headcanon that after bloodbending in tartarus percy is more sensitive to feeling the water in blood meaning that he can sometimes feel annabeth’s pulse quicken when she looks at him or when he tucks her hair behind her ear or says something sweet

[totaldramafan-lauri]

Make Use Of Me (chapter 1, preview)

Dec. 7 EDIT: ONCE MORE, WITH BRAVERY THIS TIME. No more chickening out. You can read this thing FOR REAL now. Sorry for being weird, and now....sorry if this wasn't worth it. XD

O-OK...here goes....

First thing's first: I am not expecting a lotta people to read this. I'm not asking people to read this. At this point, I'm making this mostly as a passion project, and if anyone enjoys it, it'll be a really cool bonus. My writing style isn't gonna be for everyone, and the characters I write aren't the most....popular characters in the CRK X Reader community, and I imagine this isn't really something a lotta fans'll be demanding more of.

This is LONG. This one chapter is 56 pages long. I am a VERY wordy writer,

So......why'm I posting this preview? Well....partially as an interest gauge for people who WOULD wanna read it, but...mostly as a motivator. As something to remind myself of whenever I get lazy. After all....I can't quit after I made the first chapter public, right? By doing that, I put myself out there...And, hey, I even tagged it, so, if by the off chance, someone did read it, I'm basically promising them more eventually.....

But, again, I'm not forcing anyone to read this.

Not only is it long, but.....This first chapter is probably my least-favorite thing I've ever written. By posting this chapter by itself, I'm testing to see if it does its job of making people wanna read the rest, cuz....right now, I'm not so sure how well it succeeds at that.....

This is the boring part of the story. It's a bunch of setup, and me jumping through hoop after hoop after hoop to just get everything started. I know setup is important and all, but....I'm already a very wordy writer, so....oof....There is some interesting stuff that happens, but it takes a while to get there.

I-I....kinda hate it, actually. The only reason I didn't scrap it is that I didn't realize I hated it until I was about halfway through it and the "good part" hadn't started yet. And I still spent a month writing the thing, so....I finished it.

I'm tagging this...as an experiment. If you wanna read this, go ahead. W-well, read my tags first, THEN go ahead. XD

All I can really say in this chapter's defense is that....I do try my best to salvage it. It's just setup, but I TRIED to make it interesting. And everything that seems like it didn't go anywhere, will later. This isn't the whole story, it's just the beginning of what's gonna be a BIG story. Anything that seems weird in this chapter, gets explored in the other chapters. This does set up a bunch of stuff that becomes important later (The friend character shows up later, the Colosseum becomes relevant later). This chapter is boring, but I tried not to make any of it pointless.

For the future: I'm aiming for five chapters. Chapters 2 and 3 will be a series of smaller vignettes that take place over the course of a few years, chapter 4 will be the climax, and chapter 5 will be something of an epilogue. After that, there will be two endings to choose from (which will make sense when we get there).

This probably won't be my favorite thing I've ever written, but it will be the most ambitious thing I've ever, and probably will ever, write. I haven't written something like this before, and it's all to flesh out this story and make it believable.

Right now, I.....I want to finish this. I'll probably still be writing this in February at the rate I'm going, but...at this point, I've put too much into it to give up on it. However, I'm STILL not completely ruling out the idea of my motivation dying before then. It COULD happen. So, what I'm planning to do is...setting a short-term goal of finishing chapter 3. After I do that, I'll post the first three chapters on AO3 together, and work on the rest. That way, even if I don't finish it, I'll at least have it over half done, and chapter 3 will end on a somewhat high note.

So, yyyyeah....Not a lotta people will read this preview. Overly wordy writing style + boring setup part of story + 56 pages long + assumed lack of interest for X Readers of this character (At least, I haven't SEEN many simps for her, m-maybe I'm wrong, I might be, I-I haven't checked any tags cuz I've been nervous, b-but it doesn't make my writing any better. In that case, this is my first time writing her so I'm trying super hard to do her justice >//////<)

I-if you wanna read this, and see if this first chapter does a good job of making you wanna read the better chapters, then...Go ahead.....

Some notes:

-This is still not the final draft. It's finalized enough for me to share, but I'm still not considering it finished. Even tho I'm working on chapter 3 right now, I STILL go back and edit this, even very recently. So, chances are, even if the story is finalized, small details and sentences are still subject to change. I know for a fact that there are still SOME placeholder bits in here that will change after I get some stuff cleared up. Recently, I even considered chopping off an entire section to make it shorter. I decided not to, but hey, it could still happen. I don't wanna waste anyone's time. The first chapter of a story, even if it's boring, is still very important, and I wanna make sure it's the best version of itself.

(A-and yes, this means that I've finished chapter 2 as well. The reason I'm not sharing it is that, unlike chapter 1, it was finished VERY recently, so I might still need to give myself time to edit it. From what I have, tho, I do like it a LOT more than chapter 1. There are some parts of chapter 2 that I'm legit proud of.)

-Even tho this first chapter is completely clean, I-I should mention that....this fic is for adults. The full version, at least. Chapters 3 and 4 are gonna contain some light N/S/F/W moments (the "fade to black" variety, so nothing explicit) and there'll be other slightly racey comments here and there. Just a heads-up. I'm gonna be uncomfy with minors reading this.

Th-that's all? I-I think that's all.......O-OK, so......h-here goes..... E-enjoy....

[cloudcountry]

its actually so funny going from quotev where people will only block you if youre the worst type of person to tumblr where people will block you for no reason other than they just felt like it

[da-proti-toku-grem]

venting in the tags again bc i'm literally shaking right now wtf

[ringneckedpheasant]

the fact that there are no locks on the doors in my house is maddening. child I don’t know has opened my door THREE fucking times in the last hour for no reason 😭 roommate’s kid started coming in my room earlier & didn’t even realize I was home & his dad told me a few days ago he’s been sneaking in here to look at the fish -_-

[airanke]

AbiTou-ber begins tomorrow <3

(This is a personal list that I made for my own use!! I'm posting it so that you guys know what's coming <333)

[willowfey]

starting to think maybe waking up with an anxiety stomachache every single morning and then needing to spend the entire day trying to get rid of said anxiety just to maybe have a few minutes in the evening of feeling relaxed before going to bed is perhaps not normal

[cerise-on-top]

hey! i am once again requesting because i genuinely love your writing. is it cool if you write skittles with an s/o who has severe anxiety and often gets anxiety attacks? i completely understand if not! -💾

Hey there! Thank you, that's very kind of you! I hope I was able to do this request justice as well! I'm not really sure Skittles would know how to deal with someone like that in the best way possible, but he tries!

Skittles with an S/O with Severe Anxiety

He knows Nevada is a place where just about anything and everyone tries to kill you, but he never let that get to him. Still, he can see why you’d be anxious all the time about just about anything there is. Skittles is a rather relaxed kind of grunt, so he could usually be your voice of reason when your anxiety is telling you something bad again. Sure, things usually are bad in Nevada, but it helps to hear that not everything is going to be the worst case scenario. Sometimes you need a different outlook in life, and Skittles certainly has that. He’s well aware you always worry about him getting killed, or worse, but he can assure you that he’ll always come back to you. He has died a few times indeed, but he’s been brought back to life every time, so he sort of just assumes everything is going to be alright. If you’re too anxious about something, then he can do it either for you or with you, it really depends on what it is you need to do. If you ever pass out from fear, then he’ll stay by your side until you wake up again, draping a blanket over you so you don’t get cold. He doesn’t really know what to do with you, in all honesty, since grunts usually aren’t as severely anxious in Nevada, but he’ll stay by your side until you feel better. It’s the thought that counts. Even if you tell him to fuck off, chances are he’ll stay with you to make sure nothing even worse happens. You being irritated doesn’t bother him, he’s used to being insulted and around grunts who want him dead. However, as mentioned before, he will try to be your voice of reason. Sure, his views of the world aren’t as realistic either since he’s ever the optimist, but sometimes it’s just nice to hear someone’s voice. If you’re slowly starting to hyperventilate he’ll try to talk you out of it by telling you a story or two in order to distract you. It doesn’t eliminate the problem, he knows that, but if he can get your mind off of what’s bothering you for a second he can deal with the problem more easily.

Once he sees you freeze up entirely for a prolonged amount of time before storming off to somewhere where no one will see you, he knows something more severe than the usual is up. It’s during those few times, when he sees you act strangely, that his smile fades as well as he’s just that concerned. Skittles will give you a few moments by yourself before he ditches whoever he was with at the moment and seeks you out. Once he finds you, he’ll get you to a calm and quiet place where the both of you are alone. Skittles will ask you what’s wrong. He won’t judge you, even if you don’t know why you suddenly got an anxiety attack, all he knows is that you need help. He rarely ever sees anyone cry, so seeing you do such really does break his heart. Again, he’ll try to calm you down by calmly talking to you. Might put a hand on your back, but won’t repeat doing such if you flinch away from him. He’ll let you talk about whatever it is you need to get off your chest, or, if you can’t speak, then he’ll tell you about the butterflies he saw near a flower field and promises you to take you there someday. He’s well aware that you likely just need someone with you at that moment, even if he doesn’t know what to do. He hopes that him staying with you, distracting you, would be enough. However, he will shoo away any new grunts that might come along. This would be one of the few times where he might be rougher with them as well so they’ll go away. He won’t raise his voice, but he’ll make it known that you and him need to be alone right now. Will do anything to keep your mind off of what’s bothering you and get you away from any and all triggers you had in that moment. Since this seems to be a persistent problem for you, he’ll encourage you to seek out a medical professional. He knows someone, even if he might not be sure that person is actually a doctor, who might be able to help you. Since he can imagine living with anxiety all the time being very rough, he would not be opposed to having you be medicated for it. Will even go to all of your appointments with you if you need it.

[dummerjan]

sitting in the bus and crying

[astriiformes]

We have not taken off yet, but the people sitting behind me on the plane (we are all sitting near-ish the wing and can see it out the window) are currently discussing classic Twilight Zone episode "Nightmare at 20,000 Feet," which is also what I think about literally every time I sit near the wing on a plane.

[storybycorey]

.

[transbutchbluess]

this semester is awful, i just want it to be over already. my mental health has been getting worse, i don’t even want to talk about my physical health, and i’ve generally been miserable. i’m behind everything in multiple classes. the thing is, my grades are definitely high enough to pass the semester (i just need a 10/20 for this), except i need way higher grades (≈16/20). the french school system is bullshit, so everyone knows the grades aren’t representative, and if i want to study abroad one day i basically need full scores in everything or i won’t be accepted. like, schools abroad consider a 12/20 to mean we’ve failed the class. my first semester’s grades were amazing but it’s all going downhill this semester and it’s so frustrating. i can’t even listen in class so ofc i can’t do these 10 pages essays for next week and i won’t be ready for the "you have 3 hours to tell me absolutely everything that happened in this time period and it needs to be at least 9 pages" final exams. also my disability accommodations are either useless or not respected ! i’m exhausted.

[haleyincarnate]

I feel like such a captive to my mental health.