#the band is called Mental Illinois

[lesbicosmos]

welcome back to

sims!dpsblr prom (part 2)

(part 1)

so i was just checking on everyone else, came back into the basement and these two are in love @73647e @average-joseph

meanwhile...

me and eight are being besties @latin-8-o-clock-my-room

fizzy and phobos danced themselves to sleep @fizzy-watches-dps @phobos-deimos-cosmos

and gail's befriending ginny @chrisginny

AND THESE TWO ARE STILL-

anyway gail and i started a band <33

we quickly gained two more members

and an audience!!! @cowboylexapro

and then...yeah we all fell asleep everything was too much

[arqueete]

Here's my attempt to explain what the Illinoise musical (currently playing at the Chicago Shakespeare Theatre, based on Sufjan Stevens' album Illinois though he is not directly involved in this project) is about (full spoilers) for those who aren't able to see it yet or ever. This is just based on my memory, no guarantees of accuracy here.

As warned in the program: "Illinoise explores themes of mental health, including depictions of suicide."

It's mostly a dance piece. The actors on stage only ever dance and act out things, while the band sings the songs from the album on behalf of the characters. There isn't a 1-to-1 of "this singer is the voice of this character," there are three soloists in the band and they wear wings a la Illinoise-era Sufjan tours. There is no dialogue. Sometimes a little bit of context is provided via a changing billboard that more or less refers to the song name.

The lack of dialogue means that character names (other than Carl, who is made to be the one referenced by name in part 2 of "Come On Feel the Illinoise" (etc. etc.)) are only available in the program. The program also has some brief character descriptions along with some bits of original writing by Jackie Sibblies Drury meant to be excerpts from Henry's journal. I didn't read any of these before the show started. (One thing the additional text does clear up for me, is that while the show did seem to suggest that Henry had feelings for Carl, the program makes it clearer to me that Carl probably reciprocated those feelings but the two didn't really talk about it or act on it in a significant way.)

Prologue

We start with a prologue with the main character, Henry, waking in bed next to Douglas, and he quietly gets dressed and seems to be trying to sneak out, but Douglas wakes and they say goodbye. This is over a bit of "Seer's Tower" and "A Conjunction of Drones..." Later we will see this exact moment play out again with context.

Act 1

Through "Concerning the UFO Sighting" we're shown that Henry is haunted by three characters, including Douglas. He then shows up with a bunch of ensemble characters at a campground. The friends gather around the fire. The early songs off the album (like "Come On Feel the Illinois" and "Black Hawk War") are used to establish this scene. The framing device of the whole piece is that these characters are sharing personal things they've written. Several songs from the album ("Jacksonville," "Night Zombies," "John Wayne Gacy, Jr." "Man of Metropolis") are presented as individual ensemble members' stories. When I saw it, "Jacksonville" (with some tap dancing sections in contrast to the style of the rest of the dance in the show) and "Man of Metropolis" (presenting a sweet narrative of the character gaining self-confidence) were crowd-pleasers.

Between each story, the characters try and encourage Henry to tell his story, but he keeps refusing.

Act 2

It's finally time for Henry to tell his story and first we get what I believe are a series of flashbacks (as in, not literally what he tells at the campfire) to explain how we got here. Over "Decatur" we're introduced to Henry's best friends Carl and Shelby and we see that Carl and Shelby are romantically involved (and Henry is maybe a bit jealous.) Then Carl and Henry decide to go on this road trip/move that Shelby declines to join, and obviously that's "Chicago." In New York, we see Henry run into Douglas (there's like a meet-cute where they bump into each other Douglas drops a bunch of artwork) and Douglas gives him his number. Meanwhile, Carl gets a call (presumably saying that Shelby is sick) and he decides to go back to Illinois, but Henry refuses to go back with him.

We see Carl and Shelby back in Illinois and "Casimir Pulaski Day" is, you know, probably the most straightforward bit of the entire show.

Shelby dies and we see Carl's mental health deteriorate over a few songs. We get to "The Seer's Tower" and he takes his own life by jumping off a building.

Back in New York, romance is developing between Henry and Douglas. The arrangement of "The Predatory Wasp" seemed to be based on the one Sufjan performed on Austin City Limits, with the extended ending section that gets very chaotic, where we see that Henry can't stop thinking about Carl's death, and then it transitions into the calmer section at the end which has Douglas comforting Henry. This, in my opinion, is the strongest bit of the entire show (and the crowd seemed to agree.)

Act 3

Back at the campfire, Henry tells his story, which he does via what the program just calls "Chicago (reprise)" but is really one of the Chicago arrangements off The Avalanche--I'm almost certain it was the adult contemporary easy listening version. Afterward the friends all embrace Henry. At some point in here Douglas appears at the campfire.

"Tallest Man..." through the end of the album are just like, typical epilogue type stuff of the friends all together and Henry reflecting on the people he's lost and the new love he's found.

[decaydanceredacted]

all of you who want to be raped need serious mental help. And all of you want to rape people need to be put in a cellar 6 feet under. "Oh its just fantasy 🥺🥺🥺" whether you like it or not, "fantasy" leads to action. Fantasizing about rape isn't fucking normal and wanting to rape someone could lead to actually trying to rape someone. Personally if i ever had a fantasy about raping someone and it aroused me at all (which it wouldnt because im not R Kelly) id fucking kill myself. You guys creating an echo-chamber or this is awful. How hard is it to keep you fantasies consensual? Why must you guys support rape? Rape hurts people it isn't "sexy" lack of consent isn't hot. I know that you guys only live on the internet so I don't expect you guys to understand the fact that rape is actually harmful and traumatized people, but it does. It isn't cute or funny and I highly doubt any of your favorite band members would like to hear about you people thinking about raping them or being raped by them. "But they wouldn't like sexual fantasies anyway!!!" Most of them laugh it off but talking about wanting to rape them is actually a threat whether you mean it or not. And calling them rapists negatively frames their characters. None of the people you guys fantasize about would take advantage of people. Why do you want to flanderize them so badly? If people said that they fantasized about being raped by me I'd scrub my body till my skin started bleeding and falling off. If these people have found this blog before, they can find it again.

Heres an article about how fiction affects reality although I highly doubt you guys will read it: https://www.nydailynews.com/2015/02/23/university-of-illinois-student-said-fifty-shades-of-grey-inspired-sexual-assault-prosecutor/

Ps. @fobdeaddove or whatever your name is I hope every cramp I've ever gotten during my period is passed onto you every second of everyday so that the rest or your life you're hunched over in severe stomach pain. You're the worst

This is bullshit, here's (a shortened version) why

whether you like it or not, "fantasy" leads to action

i fantasize about killing my boss but that doesnt mean im actually gonna do it dumbass

And calling them rapists negatively frames their characters. None of the people you guys fantasize about would take advantage of people.

so you agree? even though someone may eroticize rape/kidnapping/etc in the stuff they write, that doesn't mean they would actually take advantage of people irl?

I read your article. That's wilddd, you mean a very very poorly written book that displays awful bdsm etiquette, is universally HATED by the kink community, and encourages *actual* irl rape, not irl cnc, contributed to a rape?

Here's another article for you, and a couple quotes from it (emphasis mine):

According to one study, 62 percent of women report rape fantasies. But researchers suspect that number is actually much higher, with many people too ashamed to admit they are aroused by such scenarios; in particular, women who have been assaulted and raped in the 'real' world.

Clinical sexologist Dr. Claudia Six says first and foremost it's important for rape survivors to know there is nothing shameful about having rape fantasies.

Six and Castellanos say enacting rape fantasies in search of liberation is not uncommon among rape survivors, who try to master their trauma by turning it into something positive. And it can yield positive results: “If they play out a rape fantasy and don’t get hurt or scared, [and] they only get aroused, it creates a positive interpretation of the action,” Castellanos says. "The fear and uncertainty gets replaced with an erotic association.”

[...] having these fantasies as a rape survivor is normal. It doesn’t mean you’re “sick,” or a “bad feminist,” she says. Most importantly, "There's no shame.”

I mean ultimately it's like. You know what you sound like, right? You're telling people to kill themselves because of things they thought about. Please get a fucking grip. I'm going to block you now ✌️

[paulgadzikowski]

AfterM*A*S*HSeasn3 tweets part 3

part 2

09/01/12 22:58 Father Mulcahy chances to persuade Hawkeye and Alma Cox to try coming to church the same week. 09/03/12 21:24 (Holiday rerun) In a flashforward to 1967 Klinger tells his kids the story of how he met their mother. 09/04/12 21:24 President Eisenhower makes a speech warning of the "military industrial complex". Frank swears to vote against him. 09/05/12 21:52 When Father Mulcahy is scouted by a record company for his piano playing it goes to his head. 09/06/12 22:29 Frank inadvertently reveals to Charles that the gang is planning a surprise birthday party, but gets the date wrong. 09/07/12 18:13 When Radar's mother falls ill, the surgeons take shifts helping out at the farm. 09/09/12 21:13 On a work release program from the mental ward, Klinger becomes Radar's permanent farm hand. 09/11/12 20:28 The gang goes to the opening of Godzilla. 09/12/12 21:49 Frank considers running for office. 09/14/12 23:29 When the surgery practice gets all new furniture, the surgeons have to move the old out and the new in themselves. 09/17/12 00:28 Radar has a dream about a company called International Business Machine. No one follows his advice to invest. 09/17/12 22:49 Oliver and Evelyn argue about letting their boys read "classics" that display racism. 09/18/12 19:43 Mrs Potter is declared in remission from her cancer. 09/19/12 19:37 Henry goes home to Bloomington, Illinois for a week. Since he's a ghost now, no one pays him any attention … increasing the nostalgia. 09/20/12 19:07 The cast appear in parodies of modern music videos set to big band hits of the mid-50s. 09/21/12 21:07 Alma learns karate. 09/23/12 21:03 Potter goes through a whole shift trying to remember something he's forgotten. 09/24/12 21:03 Running for a minor municipal office, Frank states that he only represents the voters who vote for him. 09/28/12 11:26 The McIntyre girls follow Potter around with a tape recorder to collect his curses.

part 4

[totallyaxl]

joseph quinn & he&him/cis male ‷ watch out , axel deal  has crash-landed into roswell !! they look thirty years old and celebrate their birthday on the thirty-first of october. they are from lansing, illinois reside in tripp’s trailer park and are currently working as a guitarist/manager at feel good records. one thing you should know about them is he dreams of the day he will be in a spinning glass crate doing a guitar solo. ‷ ( taylor, cst, he/them, 29 )

full name ➵ axel deal

nicknames ➵ axe, asshole

birthday ➵ october 31st

age ➵ thirty

gender identity ➵ cismale

pronouns ➵ he/him/his

sexual orientation ➵ unlabelled

place of birth ➵ london, england (moved to chicago at a young age)

current location ➵ roswell, new mexico

occupation ➵ guitarist/manager at feel good records

education ➵ studied some criminal justice in college but ultimately said fuck it.

languages ➵ english, spanish, french (a little bit), italian, & is learning sign language.

pets ➵ none yet!

PERSONALITY

temperament ➵ extrovert

hogwarts house ➵ he never took the test. someone help him. 

mental disorders ➵ anxiety

habits ➵ smoking, drinking, nail tapping, and a tendency to talk too quickly sometimes

positive traits ➵ enthusiastic, kindhearted, carefree,

negative traits ➵ temperamental, reckless, self destructive,

QUICK BIOGRAPHY:  (tw: death mention. drug use mention)

childhood➵ he was born in a family that did not have much to their name, even less of a name to society, and he was the middle child of his siblings. before his dad passed, when axel was ten years old. he didn’t die or anything, he simply died to axel.  his dad did share his passion for music with his children before never returning from the buisness trip he took. axel was the one who picked it up most the knowledge and almost instantly fell in love with playing the guitar. he also fell in love with the idea of being in a band one day. axel grew up listening to a lot of 80s heavy metal/music and watching a lot of older movies. when his dad vanished, and his mother turned to drugs to numb her sadness, axe; ended up turning a bit more rebellious than anyone could have expected.

home life/school life ➵ the older axel got the less he liked being called axel and preferred “axe” instead. things at home became harder as he became more of a rebel, much to his mothers dismay, he had a run in with the law once or twice. he almost got his mother arrested one day due to her pissing him off a bit too much that day, but ultimately he didn’t. he left home to live with his friends/couch surfing when he was nineteen.  things in school were surprisingly good, though, because axe was actually very smart and often came out top of his class. he was easy to get along with and made friends with almost anyone. there were times he got into fights, suspended too, but ultimately he did end up passing in the top of his class.

dreams ➵ axe has always dreamed of two things; becoming a rockstar in a rockin’ band & becoming a forensic scientist and help solve crime cases. because of life neither one of those has been achieved just yet, but he continues to work on it! he now lives in roswell, new mexico while both working actively to seek out anyone wanting to join a band and as one of the managers at feel good records.

CONNECTIONS

childhood friend➵ could be online too! just someone who has known him for a long time and has a close bond with him would be nice <3!

ex(s) ➵ anyone who either ended on good or bad terms! could’ve been a long distance relationship or something local. (0/2)

pen pal ➵ someone he’s kept in touch with over seas and maybe convinced him that roswell, new mexico was a good spot to move to! they would have a close friendship :)!

band mates ➵ he would play the lead guitar but he’s looking for a drummer, a bassist, & lead guitarist.

more ➵ anything else that is plotted! would love more connections <3!

[songsforthepierce]

Album Showcase: The Sickness - Disturbed

Update: I have decided instead of deleting the review to update that I do not endorse the band Disturbed anymore. The review does not reflect my current views on the band. The lead singer David Draiman supports Israel and even signed one of the bombs. Beyond disgusting and vile. I cannot stand this zionist and his disregard to the humanity of Palestinians. Instead go donate eSims to Gaza, share and donate  to various fundraisers, do daily clicks, etc. For any Disturbed fans finding this, I am sorry you had to find this out about the band though I suggest that while you be sadden by his lack of compassion towards Palestine that you can move on from the band and support better metal bands. I get metal fans at times can be very dickish about not caring about politics and just want to listen to good music regardless of the artist but the music here doesn’t matter. Human lives are more important. Long live Palestine, from the river to the sea.

Back in high school I was friends with this guy who hated Disturbed and I never fully knew why. All I remember was him saying all their songs sounded the same and at one of their live performances they sucked. I haven’t seen this guy in years and I don’t really care for his opinion on the band (or his opinions in general at the time). This is one of my memory associations I have with Disturbed besides “It was that nu metal band I would listen to some of their songs back in high school”.

content/trigger warning for some light discussions to mentions of domestic abuse, and racism. Oh and ableism since this album does I guess touch on like mental illness (?) and like going uh...insane.

So the album cover is of some man or humanoid...flesh...thing...and it has a label saying this is “The Sickness”. I know that is the album title but I am just gonna assume this is the name of this being as well. Are they like an SCP or something? That is my best guess. Also the description beneath the title...I wonder if that’ll be relevant?

Doing research on this it made me realize I actually didn’t know much about Disturbed besides them being a nu-metal band. The band formed in Chicago in 1994. The guitarist, bassist, and drummer were originally part of a band called Brawl. They had a singer by the name of Erich Awalt but he left not long after recording their demo. So they advertised for a new singer in the Illinois Entertainer. David Draiman answered the ad and joined the band. This album was their debut released back on March 7th, 2000. Even though it was released in 2000 they recorded this from November to December of 1999. I guess it took them awhile to record. I would usually go more into the process here but I actually will save that when we talk more about the songs and near the end. So I should say that I am only familiar with five songs on this album. Actually let me correct myself, growing up I only listened to two songs from this album and a year or two ago I listened to three more of their songs through an unlikely source. Also before you ask, I do not remember how I first heard about the band.But before going further I should at the very least mention that around the early 2000s nu metal was getting big and for the metal community at the time a lot of metal elitist types HATED nu metal. I get there were some acts that weren’t good but like every metal genre has good to mid to bad bands. Nu metal is not like an outlier in this. Based on the fact I only would listen to a few Disturbed songs growing up I want to see if the rest of the album has some hidden gems that were overlooked.

Track 1: Voices

The starting track is something. At first I didn’t consider it that strong but then I had to remember this was early in nu metal so this would actually be unique for the time...maybe. I will say that David Draiman does have a unique voice delivery though there is something about how he sings that reminds me of something...it’ll come to me later. So this song is uh about the mental state of the narrator. That he is going through some psychosis. Apparently in the early days of the band’s live performances David would be wheeled onto the stage in a straitjacket and muzzle, before breaking free to perform the track. Uh...hmmm...the early 2000s were sure a time for this sort of deal. I am gonna take a good guess that nowadays he doesn’t do that when he performs the song. Oh and this song became a single and got an official music video. I don’t understand why this song got a music video and was somehow a hit-HEY the main guy in the music video is listening to a Disturbed song! And it is one of the tracks I genuinely like. Though that changes into well Voices. I know I could talk about the plot of the music video being about an overworked office worker but I am more focused on the fashion of both the band and the audience. Mainly because that type of fashion I remember from when I was a kid to teen. That and David’s outfit is cool and I wish I had it.

Track 2: The Game

Okay, now this track I like the energy behind it. The more tech to dance-like sound mixed with metal really works here. The rhythm and pace are steady and keep building. I can understand why this became a hit. Funnily, I first heard this around two years ago when I was watching the old Funimation dub of Dragon Ball Z: Cooler’s Revenge. I was caught off guard when I first heard it there since I hadn’t watched that movie in YEARS. But it weirdly worked for the movie. Nowadays it is not used for the newer Funimation release of the film. Probably for licensing reasons. As far as I could find this song did not get a music video. Weird. So the song is about...actually I didn’t think about it until now. When I read the lyrics what it seemed like it is about a lady biting off more than she can chew with someone and this has deadly consequences. According to David,

“speaking about the manipulative nature of most people. That you should be cautious when playing with another person’s emotions or someone may make you accountable at some point in time.” 

Ah, yeah that makes sense I guess. This is a decent track and I do prefer it over Voices but nothing has really gotten me like “Oh I really like this track a lot” emotion yet.

Track 3: Stupify

Oh my god this track. Okay so I love this track. I genuinely thought this track would be later on in the album but no it is number 3. I first heard this in the end credits of Funimation’s Dragon Ball Z: Lord Slug which this was the SECOND Disturbed song in the movie but the third song from the band to be in a DBZ movie. This makes me wonder of there are some Disturbed themed DBZ amvs. I know there are a TON of Linkin Park ones so there has to be some. This track along with Fear and The Game was what made me want to listen to the whole album. I know I could sit here and analyze the lyrics but the song is called “Stupify” and the beginning lyrics are,

Yeah, bringing you another disturbing creation From the mind of one sick animal who can't tell the difference And gets stupified

Do really expect me to find anything deeper in this song? This song isn’t meant to be deep and I am satisfied with that. I find it really funny this became another single for them but at the same time I get it. It is a genuinely fun song. But if you want me to see if this has deeper meaning I’ll look. WAIT THIS SONG IS ABOUT BEING AGAINST RACISM??? FUCKING WHAT??? Okay so this was written about one of David’s past relationships where he was dating a woman he loved who was a different ethnicity than him and her parents forced them to break up because of their relationship being interracial. I would have NEVER guess this song was about this at all. I read the lyrics three times and I am just baffled. Like it is cool this song is anti-racism but it is more of me being like surprised that is what it is about. Well, maybe the music video will help. Well, that didn’t help me. It had nothing to do with being against racism. It was about a neglected child that might be the lead singer (??) being haunted by people who do the shaky head effect from Jacob’s Ladder (?????). Oh and there is some Christ imagery I guess. The music video doesn’t do anything for me. Now, does this song good a good job getting it’s message across? Uh, I am not the right person to answer that. But is it an entertaining song in general? Yeah, big time. Oh, fun fact, this song mostly uses synthesizers. That’s pretty neat.

Track 4: Down With The Sickness

Oh fuck it’s the “OO WA HAHA” song. This was one of the two songs I would listen to on the album as a teen (they were the only two songs I owned). I know there were bits of David’s weird noises from previous songs but it is way more noticeable here. Now if we put aside the funny noise this is an actually solid song. The whole “becoming a monster” to “being taken over by an entity and becoming inhuman” is a fun theme and one that tends to common in metal which here it is no exception. I also got why this got as big as it did. It has this nice build up throughout the song. However, the song is notable with the inclusion of the odd domestic abuse interlude around 3:24 in the song. I know there are those who don’t like it either because of the subject matter, or how it is inserted in awkwardly, or because it comes off jarring. Now, I would not blame people for thinking it was inserted in for edgy shock value. But that isn’t the case here. David has stated he has had “crap kicked out of me when I was a kid, on more than one occasion," but stated the song is not about his personal experience but instead,

 "I'm really talking about the conflict between the mother culture of society, who's beating down the child yearning for independence and individuality, and the submission of the child."

I know in the same interview he did discuss difficulties opening up about his more personal life to write lyrics for the album. That is no easy task, I don’t deny that. Now did he pull it off well? That is up to you. This also got a music video and I find it jarring they use concert footage for this song than like make a story based video.

Track 5: Violence Fetish

Well that is a title I didn’t expect from Disturbed but uh so this song is about the human necessity for some violent release. Though I guess my view of the song was more about the narrator’s justifying the violent desires. This album is called The Sickness so maybe the narrator got infected by the creepypasta violence desire syndrome or something. Despite the title this song is not really sexual or really provocative. Maybe in 2000s this was for both the mainstream music world and maybe even in the early nu metal scene but there had to have been nu metal songs WAY more very in your face about violence than this. The instrumentals for this track are decent, especially around 2:25. One of the weaker tracks for me.

Track 6: Fear

This was the other Disturbed song used in the Funimation DBZ Lord Slug movie. Hearing this first from there was both jarring yet funny. My friends made jokes that Lord Slug was just playing his playlist throughout the movie. Though I will say that Fear is my other favorite track from this album. I know this is supposedly about like how little we really are and how people say we are significant but we really aren’t or some shit. And that the narrator wants to do something significant or something. But I really don’t care about that. The lyrics not deep but something about this song does hit all the right buttons for me as like a junk food song. I am a bit sadden though this didn’t become a single (still am baffled Voices became a single).

Track 7: Numb

Funny there are two nu metal songs from the early 2000s called Numb. It isn’t surprising since “numb” is a common word. Though I do prefer Linkin Park’s Numb over this one. The beginning doesn’t benefit the song but once you get passed the slower singing then it gets a bit better. But this song doesn’t really do much for me. Out of all the heartache songs I have listened to, I would not have this as my go to.

Track 8: Want

The song begins with this nice somewhat industrial sounding instrumental until the 30 second mark were David sings “She wants me, no!” then begins mimicking the sounds of an ambulance. Okay when I say that it made me think of that nurse duck from Dingo Pictures’ Animal Soccer World. ALSO, I realized what all of the “oo wa ha has” and “ra ras” reminded me of. Korn, more specifically Freak on a Leash. Is that bad? No, not really. But it is a very obvious influence. Though Korn was big in the early 2000s and was influential in the nu metal scene. Anyway, while funny noises part is funny the rest of the song is about a woman who wants to dominate the narrator but is denying herself that. I think that is what it is about. Okay, that is how I am choosing how to interpret the song because it makes it more interesting to me. Outside of my interpretation this is another weak song. Wait, this song got a music video too? But why? This makes my belief that Fear should have a single and got a music video much stronger.

Track 9: Conflict

It is about enemies and eliminating them. It is a very simple song with decent instrumentals. I do find David singing “ow, ow!” funny. I don’t really have much to say about a song like this because it is...generic. Not even fun generic but more boring type. Well except near the end where the narrator talks about someone loving life but also wants to kill life. Mainly because the instrumentals and vocals really bring it out. It makes me wish the sound of the whole song was that section.

Track 10: Shout 2000

Now this is a cover of Tears for Fears’ Shout. This stands out as a track to me because how it sounds more different compared to the other songs. But it being a cover probably helps that. Also, when I was listening to this album at work I legit forgot this was a cover and that this song was on here so when it got to these lyrics,

They gave you life And in return, you gave them hell As cold as ice (Now, bitch, you're ice, ice, baby)

I lost it. I was just both confused but also amused by the Vanilla Ice Reference. Fun fact, that reference was not in the original Tears for Fears version meaning they added it. You know what? I like that. I think that adds character to the cover. Now how does this cover compare to the original? While I do like the original both instrumentally and lyrically I actually like Disturbed’s cover. The main reason because the song is meant to be a call to action and be angry about what is going on in the world. Which Disturbed made it sound like that with the heavier instrumentals and vocals.

Track 11: Droppin’ Plates

This was the other song I would listen to as a teen by the band and I am gonna be honest, I love this song. Not because I saw this as a deep song as a teen. Actually I never thought it was deep. I genuinely find the idea of a song about hitting plates on your head stupidly funny. For years I actually thought that was what the song was about. Smashing plates. Well color me surprised to learn that is not what this song about when I actually read the lyrics of the song. It is a brag song about how many records they are selling and that their music is the best. Hence dropping plates I guess being a slang term for making records (??). You know what? I am gonna go back and continue believing this is about smashing plates. I feel like if you are gonna make a “Our music is great” song then maybe don’t release it on your debut album and put it on a future album.

Track 12: Meaning of Life

Okay the instrumentals on this track are good. I love the faster pace, the higher energy, and the nice rhythm. The lyrics of the song about the narrator wanting to do more rougher sex with his partner. Though the rough sex is more on the REALLY rough side. I will say it’s strength lyrically that this is very gender neutral so the song can be made gay if you want. Which I am gonna do. Though the lyrics “I wanna get psycho” makes me giggle because all I can think is going joker mode.

Bonus Track 1: God of the Mind

This song was released on the 10-anniversy edition of the album and this is a decent to good song. It is fun I’ll give it that. It feels like a more polished early Disturbed song which benefits it.

Bonus Track 2: A Welcome Burden

This was the second song released on the 10-anniversy edition of the album. The sound of the song itself is okay. Not great but all right. Reading the lyrics this is a political song calling all metal fans to tell them that the world is dark and how this can blended in music. The thing is the song really isn’t deep. Look, I do like both deep and not deep music. There is a time and place for a song to have a simple message or a song to have a deep message. However the thing about Disturbed I have noticed on this album is that they aren’t really great on trying to make deep songs. When I would listen to the songs without reading the lyrics, they were weirdly fun background noise. I don’t go to Disturbed for deep lyrics, I go to turn off my brain. Though I am not against bands trying to be deeper if they are genuine and put effort into it. It just comes off that the band is awkward about it.

Well, this album was just...there. Was it bad? Well it is not the worse album I have listened to. But was it good? Uh, I don’t think it was amazing. I know this was their first album but they got lucky at the time they got big in general. The songs I did like on this album were Fear, Stupify, The Game, Shout 2000, Droppin Plates, and Down with the Sickness to an extent. I enjoyed those as mainly fun junk food metal songs. But the last two songs had more polish to them which for the time does mean they have done some improvement and that’s great. In 2015 David did an interview on Loudwire talking about the first album and he states the success of the band overnight. That it was gradual taking around two to three years as a local band. Which I can get that, being a local band there is a lot of hurdles you have to go through to get noticed. But one part stood out to me and it was this,

“So there was a long period of time before that and a lot of struggle in a city that wasn't conducive to hard rock and heavy metal. Chicago was an alternative town. It was Smashing Pumpkins, Local H. It was not metal. So we were blacklisted. We couldn't even play inner-city clubs. We weren't cool enough. We were too metal. That was something that wasn't considered cool enough. We had to force our way in."

This was just a reminder to me that metal isn’t a popular and mainstream genre. Even nu-metal which did get popular and radio hits as still not gonna be as popular to accepted compared to other acts. It is funny thinking that back then in their town Disturbed was considered too metal when there are many metal elitist types who don’t consider Disturbed metal at all. It weirdly reminds me when I told one of my friends that Black Sabbath is metal and he was shocked. Note, he is not well versed in metal as I am. I know by modern metal standards bands like Black Sabbath would not be considered heavy in sound nor metal. But they are for their time. Disturbed is metal as well, doesn’t matter if you think they are good or not. Now as nu metal is concerned, I do think Disturbed for a time stood out but I would not consider them the best of the genre. But I will give some credit for them helping the nu metal scene and for them being some people’s gateway into metal. I saw many of the reviews for this album being three stars out of five to five out of ten. The album for me is a middle score album and that’s okay. This does though make me wonder if the album Indestructible holds up. I have a few songs from that album so I will check that out eventually. Not soon though, I need some break from Disturbed for a bit.

[hunterswings]

Everything I can Never Be

Chapter 1

The curtain is about to open. 5 minutes to mentally prepare myself for this moment. I look over at my best friends, Sammy and Jackie. They nod at me. I pick up my drum sticks, Sammy grabs his microphone and Jackie grabs her electric guitar.

3...

I take a deep breath.

2...

I squeeze the sticks in my hands.

1...

The curtains open and there is a huge crowd in front of us. I'm amazed and scared at the same time.

We start playing a song. Everyone is cheering for us. They all know our names. I feel so proud.

I open my eyes and notice I'm in bed. I sigh. I wish that was really me. I could never be a famous drummer. I suck at the drums anyway. It's not really worth it, my dad says.

I get ready for school. I put on my chest binder and a shirt with the TX2 logo on it. I love that band. Evan is such an inspiration and Cam gives me gender envy. I put on some baggy jeans and grab my bag. I set it next to me as I eat fruity pebbles for breakfast.

I get on the school bus and sit in the back by myself. I turn on some music. It's a mix of TX2, Cavetown, and The Front Bottoms. People say my music taste is abnormal but I don't really care. I like all the bands that everyone hates. I think they are just misunderstood. I understand them. I like this music. It makes me feel better to know that I'm not alone.

I arrive at school and sit down in my first period ELA class. Everyone always hates me in school. I guess that's what I get for being a trans therian. Sorry for existing I guess. Kids are snickering at each other. I hate them too, it's fine.

Mrs Cahill starts the lesson. I feel like I am the only one who actually pays attention. I have a lot of respect for teachers. These people have to deal with annoying cis boys. They are so rude to the teachers. The teachers are actually awesome for everything they do for this school. Before you call me a nerd and stuff, just understand, teachers have to do boring presentations about 6 or more times a day. They are almost always standing up for it. Also the kids they have to put up with! Insane! I would go crazy teaching a class of 7th graders!

After class ends I go to the band room. I love band but I hate it at the same time. I'm a percussionist, right? So are ALL the mean cis boys. All of them. I hate them with a passion. I'm not very strong, but I want to hit them.

I go quickly so I can get to the good snare drum first. I hate running because of my chest binder. At least it's a short distance.

I pull out my drum sticks and set my folder and book up on the stand. I practice drum rolls and random drills and marching band roll offs. I'm waiting for the band to get settled in.

I look over at the drum kit in the corner. Usually for jazz band or a teacher to play. I imagine myself playing it for the whole school. I overthink it, like I always do. I feel embarrassed because what if they throw garbage at me on stage? What if they boo me in front of everyone? I can never be a professional drummer.

Band class starts and we play through our songs. I think I'm pretty good at the snare drum but I know the real boys will always be better than me.

After band I go to math. I like math. It's boring, yeah, but it's kind of easy.

I go through the rest of my classes, after school I video call my friends, Jackie and Sam.

"Hey guys!"

"Hey Oliver!" Jackie greets me.

"How are you, Ollie?" Sam asks me.

"Getting by, I guess," I chuckle.

"You guys wanna play Minecraft?" Jackie asks.

"Hell yeah!" Sam exclaims.

"Sure," I agree.

I grab my controller and turn on my PlayStation. I hang up the FaceTime and add them to a PlayStation party. We play our survival world that we always play. We have made good progress on it. We're hoping to be friends for life, and even if we split up, we will still have the world. I always doubt that people can be friends forever. We don't even live in the same area. Jackie is in Kent, England, Sam is in LA, California, and I am in Chicago, Illinois. Me and Sam are the only ones in the same country. I feel like online friends count as real friends but sometimes I doubt myself. I feel like I miss them all the time even though we can call whenever. It's weird to think we met on Roblox in 2020. I think it's nice that we found each other like that. If it weren't for the pandemic, we would have never met.

"Oliver, you okay? You're pretty quiet," Jackie says. Her British accent is quite strong.

"Yeah, just um.. spaced out," I tell her.

Later I go to bed. I have to take off my chest binder. It feels relieving for a second but then the dysphoria kicks in. I don't even want to think about it. I fall asleep quickly.

- I wrote this on a train with nothing going through my brain at all 😂 surviving off of a Monster and some Nerds Gummies

[writer59january13]

Au revoir oh perilous freedom...

Since pledging my troth to the missus July 25th, 1996

after the comma error punctuated mein kampf with disequilibrium.

Ever since the notions of life, liberty and pursuit of happiness coalesced within the mindscape attributed to one or more anonymous forebears way before the advent of civilization when written language preserved (homo sapiens communicated virtual primal groans and grunts),

nevertheless witnessing inchoate awakening visa vis dawning enlightenment bajillions of years after earth, wind and fire affected ideal environment for Beatle browed foo fighters Nirvana oriented proto humans among rival capital one group of beastie boys versus another. Each subsequent generation embodied propensity to acquire heavenly delight characterized courtesy

storied primeval human associations

to wrestle with promotion of mental, physical and spiritual autonomy. Once self-determination awoke animal hides did cloak daggers if antagonism occurred especially as high society coaxed fibers inviting village people to invent legislation to evoke amity particularly once firearms witnessed proliferation of gunsmoke (and the Western genre as film noir) after shoot-'em-ups erupted,

when scapegoat mustered courage

(after chomping powder milk biscuits)

bad to the bone bully underestimated chutzpah

courtesy said shy person, yours truly did invoke adulation and garnered within figurative keystroke generated winning vote cast strictly by menfolk if I vouchsafed would

NOT be pig in a poke

as happened countless millenniums later,

when forty fifth president of lands slated to become United States of America would try to revoke his successor mudslinging him,

(the latter, a common joe biden time), a veritable teetotaler,

who swore, he rarely took a toke.

Blame aforementioned blue collar Scranton boy yup blimey bloke woke up after leaving Oval Office early one Autumn morning bright eyed and bushy tailed after an eight year stint, whereby the electorate majority approved former occupant of “Executive Mansion”

(circa 2020 - 2028) admitting admirable administration donned hat of clown

earning a living wage and taking page from playbook of bozo, who brought good humor and laughter, where tragedy wrought woe

visited webbed wired wide world

(once trod upon by the noble savage

as described by Jean-Jacques Rousseau)

whipping out trademark Dobro,

(a contraction of "Dopyera brothers" and a word meaning "goodness" in their native Slovak,

who introduced said instrument in 1928)

kickass nimble octogenarian (accompanied by the band Tripping Up Stairs) performed outstanding show capering, dancing, gliding,

high jumping, et cetera across the stage

hither and yon, to and fro

contagiously gifting, letting riotous hoopla ring out across Land of Lake Wobegon spontaneously kickstarting audience of senior citizens

(including yours truly) to shuck off mantle of senescence (and clothes in the same process after gaining courage to join Barenaked Ladies) hooting and trumpeting nouveau playfulness summoning

rebirth of childlike spirit. How carefree and ideal to identify with mindset of Alfred E Neuman Mad Magazine what me worry unfortunately as a little boy yours truly beset with mental health issues Anorexia Nervosa the most serious potential to develop healthily

self starvation eradicated courtesy the expertise of psychiatrist

Ted Goldberg my parents did employ subsequently eating disorder

manifested as hair obsession with a vengeance, when maybe some dozen years later while completing a co-op linkedin to enrollment at Antioch College at facility I chose called

Chicago Ecology Resource Center in Illinois,

and who should make a small teleporting cameo appearance,

but none other than Leonard Nimoy,

albeit his likeness manufactured as plastic popular gewgaw enterprising toy.

Courtesy the most flimsy tenuous designs linkedin to above lines

availed and linkedin thru Unitarian Church affiliation while a youth, (now negligible participant,

who would never join any group

that would accept me as a member) an important connection throve with 1976 Norristown Area High School alum Frankie Augustine Junior a brain,

plus admirable ruler

of tribbles and klingons to boot.

As an otherworldly webbed wordsmith, I befriended said lad, who became best earthling chum,

whose birthday (January eleventh nineteen fifty nine) two days before mine, our camaraderie did rattle and hum

until he attended Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute (majoring in nuclear engineering) landing himself a plum job.

Our friendship since foundered unlike the enterprising television show, which captured the imaginations of countless young and older people alike. By 1986, 17 years after entering syndication,

Star Trek considered

the most popular syndicated series;

by 1987, Paramount made $1 million

from each episode;

and by 1994, the reruns

still aired in 94% of the United States.

[matthewhillsocialdesign]

Ted Talk – Johann Hari

There is scientific evidence for nine different causes of depression and anxiety two of them are in our biology (your genes can make you more sensitive to these problems). But most of the factors that have been proven to cause depression and anxiety are not in our biology, they are factors in the way we live!

Once you understand this it opens up a very different set of solutions there should be offered to people alongside chemical antidepressants.

Every human being has natural psychological needs you need to feel you belong, feel your life has meaning and purpose, you need to feel that people see you and value you, you've got a future that makes sense.

In this culture we have become less and less good at meeting these deep underlying psychological needs and it's not the only thing that's going on but I think it's the key reason why this crisis keeps rising and rising. The World Health Organisation – If you're depressed if you're anxious you are not weak you are not crazy you're not a machine with broken parts you are human being with unmet needs.

 Human Evolution and Loneliness

We need to think less about chemical imbalances and more about imbalances in the way we live. We are the loneliest society in human history there was a recent study that asked Americans do you feel like you're no longer close to anyone 39% of people said that described them no longer close to anyone

Our ancestors on the savannas of Africa were really good at one thing they weren’t bigger than the animals they took down a lot of the time they weren’t faster than the animals but they were much better at banding together into groups and cooperating this was our super powers a species we band together just like bees evolved to live in a hive humans evolved to live in a tribe and we are the first humans ever to disband our tribes and it's making us feel awful but it doesn't have to be like this

Tribes and Social Prescribing

They treated a set of patinents with severe depression and anxiety. They were told to come to the centre twice a week to meet with other depressed individuals not to speak about their misery but to figure out something meaningful they could do together. 

 Lisa literally started vomiting with anxiety it was so overwhelming for her people rubbed her back the group started talking there were like what could we do these are inner city east London people like me they didn't know anything about gardening they were like why don't we learn gardening there was an area behind the doctor's offices that was just like scrubland they're like why don't we make this into a garden so they started to take books out the library they started to watch YouTube clips I started to get their fingers in the soil I started to learn the rhythms of the seasons there's a lot of evidence that exposure to the natural world is a really powerful antidepressant but they started to do something even more important they started to form a tribe they started to form a group they started to care about each other if one of them didn't show up the others would go looking for them so how you okay out then figure out what was troubling them that day the way Lisa put it to me as the garden began to bloom we began to bloom this approach is called social prescribing it's spreading all over Europe and there's a small but growing body of evidence suggesting it can produce real and meaningful falls in depression and anxiety and one day I remember standing in the garden that Lisa and her once depressed friends had built its a really beautiful gardening and having this thought.

 A lot of the time when it comes to socialisation you hear people say “It’s ok just be yourself.” Don’t be yourself. Be Us. Be We. Be part of the group.

 Junk values have taken over our minds and made us mentally sick. Professor Tim Cassar from Knox University in Illinois has been researching this for about 30 years now and his research suggests several really important things firstly the more you believe you can buy and display your way out of sadness and into a good life the more likely was become depressed and anxious and secondly as a society we have become much more driven by these beliefs all throughout my lifetime under the weight of advertising and Instagram and everything like them.

 I thought about this I realised it's like we've all been fed since birth are kind of KFC for the soul right we've been trained to look for happiness in all the wrong places and just like junk food doesn't meet your nutritional needs and actually makes you feel terrible junk values don't meet your psychological needs and they take you away from a good life.

We when we feel down we try and remedy it with a show off grand projection of ourselves. We all know these things. But in this culture we don’t live by them.

We know these things deep down. That the tweets, likes and notoriety are not important but 

“We are designed in a machine which makes us neglect what is important about life.”

 Can we disrupt the machine? How could you dedicate more of your life to pursuing these fleeting moments of meaning and purpose? Less about buying things you don’t need posting it on social media and making people comment OMG I’m so jealous right.

It was like an alcoholics anonymous but for strengthening mental health and boycotting capitalism.

There was a significant shift in values when people met face to face to check in with each other.

Even this hurricane of depression generating messages training us to seek happiness in the wrong places and towards more meaningful and nourishing values that lift us out of depression but with all the solutions that I saw.

––––––––––––––

Reflection – I found this TED Talk incredibly insightful. It supports my idea of bringing people together regularly through face to face interaction to battle rising levels of depression in our urban environments. 

Hari talks about how for the first time ever in human evolution we have disbanded from our tribes and are living socially isolated to pursue goals which are aligned to fuel the capitalist machine. 

This quote really got me thinking about what we value in western society:

“We are designed in a machine which makes us neglect what is important about life.”

[five-rivers]

Oooh, I just saw the big about prompts!

“Blessings of rot and petrichor, my prince. May you have a home in the dark, and may the distant stars you reach for never fade.”

(Can be inspiration or an actual quote; do what ya want! :P)

The world ended on a Saturday, and it wasn’t Danny’s fault.  Even if that Saturday happened to be his sixteenth birthday.  

Okay, maybe that was a bit overdramatic.  But, honestly, neither he nor anyone else he’d ever spoken to knew why or how things had turned out this way.  Just that, one morning, reality shook, shuddered, and took a few steps to the left.  

Humanity woke to green-streaked skies, a rainbow sun, and a lot more universe than they were used to.  So did ghosts.  

This was a problem.  It might even be deemed the problem.  Humans and ghosts didn’t exactly get along, and even when neither the ghosts nor the humans involved particularly wanted to fight, the new laws of nature and the few who did want to fight tended to ruin things for everyone else.  (Cough, GIW, cough, Walker, cough.)

Hence the end of the world.  Or, at least, most large-scale governments.  

It could have been worse.

Amity Park stopped being a city that day, fragmented with Ghost Zone wilderness, landscape and spatial dimensions shattered in a spiderweb centered on Fentonworks, the portal a wellspring of wild power and unpredictable translocations.  Danny had worried that the portal had been the cause of the whole thing, but Amity Park was far from the only place with similar issues (look at New York), and Danny eventually was able to accept that not every bad ghost-related thing that happened was on him.  

(Probably.)

Honestly, once everything calmed down a bit, the new world was much more comfortable, physically and mentally, for Danny to live in.  Which was weird, but made sense.  The new world was split between human and ghost, just like him.  It was everyone else who was uncomfortable, now.  

Which, again, he felt guilty about, but, yeah.  He couldn’t do anything about that, so feeling guilty was counterintuitive.  Thank you, tiny Jazz in his head.  

It was Saturday again.  Time for the market fair.  

“Mom and Dad are already out?” asked Danny, leaning over the banister.  

“Yeah,” said Jazz, not looking up from her work transcribing an old ghost text into something more palatable to human eyes.  She adjusted her green lenses to sit closer to her eyes.  “An hour or two ago.  Some guys from Chicago came in last night, apparently, and they wanted to get a head start.”

“Okay,” said Danny.  “I’m going, too.  You want anything?”

“Nope.  I’d be going myself if I did,” said Jazz.  

“You sure?  Nothing for dinner?”  

“Nope, I’m all set.”

“Cool,” said Danny, padding towards the door.  He pulled his nice, dark coat, the one he’d gotten from Dora, off the hook, and shrugged into it, pulling up the hood.  

“No shoes today?” asked Jazz, who had finally looked up.  

“Eh,” said Danny.  “I guess not.  Doesn’t really feel like a shoe kind of day.”  He flexed his toes.

“Well, avoid blackberries, then,” said Jazz.  

“They should avoid me,” joked Danny.  “Good luck with that book!”

“Thanks,” said Jazz, waving as Danny left.  

Fentonworks was the same tall, brick-and-UFO building as it had always been, but now it stood alone on top of a small hill rising from a distinctly purple forest.  The dark grass waved back and forth like the tentacles of a sea anemone.  Bright green portal streaks, cracks in reality, stood out against the foliage, along with a few other buildings that had once belonged to the Fentons’ neighborhood.  The sun was blue today, but Danny predicted it would be green by nightfall.  

Danny walked down the path, the dirt on it declining to adhere to Danny’s feet.  He hummed, quietly, a tune he half-remembered from before the apocalypse.  He would not be walking all the way to the market fair, it was too far.  His parents had taken the Speeder.  

Danny, on the other hand, had a shortcut.  

He reached one of the portal-fractures and passed through to a part of the forest where the trees whispered to one another.  He took a moment to reorient himself, and continued to the next portal fracture.  

As far as he knew, he was the only person who could reliably travel like this.  He could have flown, but the market fair was busy, and he preferred to maintain his peaceful life.  Phantom was still a celebrity in Amity Park.  Even more so now, than before, as ghosts were no longer shot on sight.  

Some ghosts even came to Amity Park’s market fair.  

He walked through a wider-than-usual fracture which deposited him just outside the main fragment of Amity Park, near the erstwhile mall.  The mall and its attached parking lot being the place the market fair took place.  

It was busy.  There were trucks stamped with the seal of Illinois parked on the edges, presumably belonging to the delegation from Chicago.  There seemed to be more ghosts than usual as well, enough of them to make Danny shiver.   Had they come from Chicago, or was it just a coincidence?  If they had, that would be nice.  Chicago had a lot of local influence, and was one of the places that was still trying to hold together something like a national government.  If they accepted ghosts, others would follow more readily.  

Peace between the two worlds in places other than Amity Park would be very nice.  

Danny wandered down the paths of the market fair, not in any particular hurry to get to his parents’ booth.  He was always more interested in the other things at the fair.  Even if he rarely bought anything.  

People seemed to be mostly moving in one direction.  No, they were being drawn in one direction, with people tugging their companions onward.  Danny, not having anything better to do, went with the flow.  

Which led back to where the Chicago delegation was set up.  Several people were standing in front of the trucks, arguing.  

“How can you lose an entire bevy of ghosts?” demanded the man who appeared to be in charge.  

The target of his ire merely shrugged.  

“Can’t lose people like that, bub!” shouted someone from the crowd.  There was a titter of laughter.  

“Didn’t you have a big, fancy announcement, fed?” 

More laughter.  

“Yeah, what did you want to say?”  This voice had an echo to it, and the the man looked extremely aggrieved.  

Nevertheless, he took a deep breath.  “We were led to believe,” he said, cheek jumping, “by certain ghosts, that there was a way to negotiate with the ghosts and... reverse this nonsense.”

Wow.  So, Chicago got scammed.  That could have repercussions.  Danny hoped Amity Park wouldn’t see too much of the fallout.  

“Wouldn’t you jump on any chance to stop this?” demanded the man in response to the jeers, gesturing at the sky and its pulsing bands of light.  

“Tell us a better story!” shouted Ember, who had struck up a much more cordial relationship with Amity Park after the apocalypse.  “One that we’ll remember!”

The man turned away, throwing his hands in the air.  “Go find them!” he shouted, presumably to his subordinates. 

The crowd broke up.  

Danny was curious.  It was one of his defining characteristics, both as a human and as a ghost.  He followed one of the Chicagoans as they walked into the market turning this way and that.  

“So,” he said, “what story was your boss fed?”

The woman jumped and looked down at him, disconcerted.  (Yes, he was short.  That wasn’t his fault.  Except that it probably was, via the portal accident.)

The woman sighed.  “Why not, it’ll be out before too long.  We were told that the rightful king of ghosts was in hiding here, or something stupid like that.  I don’t think they ever said he could fix the world, even.  Only that he could be negotiated with.”  She kicked the ground.  “This is so stupid.  There’s no ghost king.  This is never going to get fixed.”

“It’s not so bad, is it?” asked Danny.  

“How old even were you when it happened.  Ten?” asked the woman.  

“Excuse me, I was sixteen,” said Danny, crossing his arms.  

“That’s cute,” said the woman, dragging her hand down her face.  “You’re like thirteen, tops.  Not nineteen.  Jesus.  Go bother someone else, kid.”

Danny rolled his eyes.  “Well, you aren’t wrong that there’s no ghost king.  Last guy who called himself that got beaten up and locked in a sarcophagus forever.”

Then, just to mess with her, because she’d been rude, Danny turned invisible and left before she turned around.  

Now...  He should probably try to warn people about the scam artist ghosts.  Or would they know from the other people watching?  

Danny flicked back into visibility and continued perusing the various stalls, making small talk with the owners, bringing up the Chicagoans when it was appropriate.  

He was passing by the covered entrance of the mall, one of the most crowded spots in the market fair, when his ghost sense went off, indicating an unfamiliar ghost was nearby.  He scanned the crowd for the ghost.  He didn’t have to look very hard.  Strange ghosts tended to draw eyes, even in Amity Park.  

Especially ones that looked like this.  Inhumanly tall, cloaked, and moving smoothly.  Glimpses under their hoods showed faces riddled with decay- or at least the appearance of decay.  The three of them held instruments.  Flute, drum, and summoning bell.

Danny stood to the side to let them pass.  After all, they weren’t doing anything bad as far as he could see.  

They did not.  Instead, they stopped in front of Danny.  Typical.  

Then they started playing their instruments.  And kneeling.  

Aaaand the crowd was getting bigger.  There was the person from Chicago, too.  Could he escape without turning invisible with all this attention on him?

Probably not without showcasing his ghost powers.  There were people who knew him in this crowd.  Like Paulina.  And Star.  

“Um,” said Danny.  “Hi?”

The leading ghost looked up as the sun’s light turned emerald green.  

“Blessings of rot and petrichor, my prince. May you have a home in the dark, and may the distant stars you reach for never fade.”

Out of the corner of his eye, Danny saw the Chicagoan’s jaw drop.  

“I think you might have the wrong guy,” said Danny.  “I’m not anyone’s prince.”

The ghost grinned, sharp and white.  “We came to give our blessings, my prince.  You do not need to accept them for them to exist.  We offer, also, our service and our hope in this new world that you are so suited for.”

Yeah.  This was going to be a problem.  

[goalofthecentury]

very boring but album(s)? heart emoji

not boring omg i love it <33 in no particular order except the first one

sufjan stevens, illinois; duh. album of all time. lyrics tattooed on my arm literally

songhoy blues, optimisme; personal favourite example of saharan rock i’ve found yet. very melodic, lots of riffs and guitars

gang of youths, angel in realtime; a current favourite but one i think will stick with me. really scratches an itch in my brain (plus gratuitous sports references <3)

the phoenix foundation, buffalo; bonus points for the 10th anniversary edition. the best album from the band that stuck with me the most from when i had that kiwi rock phase

the fratellis, costello music; an absolute classic which (i now know) makes for a fucking mental live show

anjana vasan, strange country jukebox; understated country but like, its genius

norma tanega, i dont think it will hurt if you smile; oh my godhdjfhdjdhd begging for someone to put this on spotify. its easy to call things underrated but man… yeah. so warm and heartfelt but also accomplished and unique and full of love…. mio dio

[blindtaleteller]

PROMPT: OOC Interview with [X] Clint ‘Cuyler’ Barton

" Been a while since we did one of these.. but. You know the drill man! This is your first interview, yeah? Want to explain why and where you’re from? “

     Cuyler (Clint Barton D14:) Besides trolling the hell out of tags with Viedimadr? *grins* Ah, mostly that’s keeping the core element I guess. Most Bartons are the quintessential superhero, at least in the range of having that alter-ego. Might not wear a mask ‘til Ronin in the MCU? But --and especially with how my character works pre-Avengers; sharing past the job isn’t exactly any of our fortes? We have a family to protect, and if you do the math of how old the kids are even in Ultron: that family has been a thing since before we take the higher ground up out of the paid-SHIELD-killer status I’m in that Nat does mention in the original Avengers. Also usually save it up between the pages and occasional poke into tags and skits here on the dash.

     Cuyler (Clint Barton D14:) As for where I’m from! *he leans back and hooks his hands behind his head* We’re Universe Fourteen; two doors on the left down the connecting Vestibule from Lisan’s Universe, and one to right of the Ego-centrics with Grey Knight and Leadsprite. Ours starts out different in the respect that, Fury ends up getting the Scepter tap instead of me; and the resulting conflict goes very differently.

“ Such as? “

     Cuyler (Clint Barton D14:) We never even hit New York; Fury tries to snag me in, and under the Stone’s influence that means trying to at best grab my kids since he’s one of the only two people attached who know about them. Loki ends up breaking form and getting in the middle of that. Yanks us off world and out of Fury’s sight, with the goods. That’s where we picked up with our first published bit ‘The Warming Stone’ anyways.

” Speaking of.. what do you think about the split from the original timeline? “

     Cuyler (Clint Barton D14:) I’m having a lot of fun with it myself. And I’m pretty sure Laura is somewhere outside the room clapping in agreement; she’s quieter than most but a constant presence and; she and Lo get along real well. Anyway. End up dealing with that whole ‘the city is flying, we’re fighting an army of robots; and I have a bow and arrow’ overwhelmed mentality a lot sooner because of it? I like the existential twists that come with the Dark Fairy Tale elements and whatnot that get thrown out there and right into our faces pretty much immediately, what with running face-first, on foot, into Jotunheim of all places through that doorway in Illinois. We did some collabs with the other guys that run through there, on top of the research and expanded on some of the wildlife ourselves to manage that? So that was some actual fun. This side of the pool I can absolutely admit us Bartons are a bit masochistic? *laughs* I am pretty sure we enjoy exploring those bits and how we’d react to them. I’m no different in that respect. I mean.. how would you react to being a dinner sized meal for labrador-to-great-dane sized snow-caterpillars with the elongated teeth of freakin shark? Or finding out the hard way there’s giant predator owls flying around about the size of a plane that eat those, just as an example? Never mind trolls, or frost giants, or anything else that manages to survive in that kind of insane climate and might decide to try and eat you just to see if you taste good.

” Probably stay inside forever if I was going to be honest? XD Anyway, Is there anything you’d change about your current story? “

     Cuyler (Clint Barton D14:) Considering we’re still building back there? Not yet. I mean, too much fun so far. I mean we’ve done what.. four parts at this point? All during what we’re currently calling the Traveler Phase from Earth to Asgard through the doors between Illinois, Jotunheim, and Vanaheim. Which is interesting in itself. I mean whole other world, and things are shaken up before we even get there and (in part because of the fact that) we end up dependent on our Loki pretty fast. I think maybe my only change there would be in maybe doing another part for Extras that includes ‘Ogre’ .. who hasn’t even shown yet at that point in the story. He’s our Bruce Banner; or more specifically our Hulk? Thing is finding a space that won’t interfere too heavily with the book when we do it though. We could excuse the bits in the Traveler Phase because we intended to shorten it when we got there anyway; maybe cut straight to Asgard with that as a supplemental extra; a lot like the GROUNDED kids did with their out-takes featured in the same platovember series.

“ I imagine messing with Universe Three’s next installment’s been helping that along? “

    Cuyler (Clint Barton D14:)  Oh yeah, definitely. That mirror of Bruce’s is pretty similar in mindset and approach.

” That said, do I have to ask if there’s anyone in particular you like to watch or get into reading over their shoulder when they’re at it? “

    Cuyler (Clint Barton D14:) Oh definitely The Bean right now, for sure? But there’s a list.. *grins* GROUNDED and DREAMS being woven together finally, especially with  some of the inter-universal roles being brought up is a big one. Looking forward to whipping out that sword.. heh. Though, watching the ESCAPE kids from the other forming Vestibule has been an interesting ride now that they’re not entirely cloistered in Tuscon, or their hotel room. I know what’s up there outside of Traverse too, which helps. And there’s Josh. I think everyone’s been waiting for that fireball to explode across the page? The fact Tony, Lo and Fury managed to somehow make that nutcase all on their own with just a few lines still makes me laugh. Walsh is a character and a half. I’m looking forward to getting my chance at screwing with his mirror in our Door. Leigh is a weird bit of fun too, but Josh is definitely one of those at the top of the list, and who you chose for a face in close rep, is interesting. Maybe Vix too as far as characters go? But he’d a little lower down for me at the moment.

“ Stab, stab pull..? Heh. Which is your favorite upcoming group from the books/portions of Mixology aka the Lokiverse at large? And which are you most curious about? “

     Cuyler (Clint Barton D14:)  Ha! yeah; stab-stab, pull. Loxley’s got an interesting bunch next door. *rubs his hands up over the top of his head and back down* Honestly, MONSTERS and ASHES. Ah, that’s Door and or Universes Three and Twelve for those that don’t know. Three has a similar bonding mechanic between Bruce and Lo I’ve been interested in, while ASHES hits on other things, including a rockier relationship and overall dynamic between his Bartons and Redbird (that’s his Quill) that tends to go dark in the personal aspects a lot. I guess I like that struggle between them, personally. Loxley brushes something similar going on post-Ronin with his family dynamic with his internals and his Lo’s concerns for that; but I think Lili and his crew hit that at a whole other angle from around five years prior on? With, a whole other take on the family dynamic that Laura and I have with Lo by the time we leave Asgard. And that’s curious to me.

” I put you guys through a lot of shit in the name of storytelling. Any parts you have complaints about? “ 

   Cuyler (Clint Barton D14:) None, planned or otherwise.

“ ..that was fast. “

   Cuyler (Clint Barton D14:)  What can I say? I enjoy the twisty shit, at least on this end of the pool. Ignoring the reservations, and dealing with the danger-fear of getting hurt in ways that can’t be fixed with stitches or band-aids, of accepting that kind of bond knowing how it started and risking the idea that finding out why might not make that danger less or that person better or more relatable than perceived to be able to accept them farther even after that investment?

  Cuyler (Clint Barton D14:) The contradiction of pride and ego versus conscience and the guilt when it belongs there getting in the way -and even dealing with when it should be toned down that results in having one,  even if it’s just a sliver in places and playing that out along with dipping into places mostly ignored or washed over in the Universes; is interesting and fun to me. Danger included. I have a little less guilt than my mirrors in a lot of directions that gets placed elsewhere after we come back to Earth; and I enjoy that dynamic and what we’re trying to explore there. That whole; ‘what if he was loyal, without he stone’s influence’ aspect, in our own flavor is a LOT of fun to play with. It’s a very different Universe, but holds hints and background pieces, and similarities enough, as well as the core; that it’s a feasable alternative to the canon line. Which is extra fun, for the personal aspects or ‘humanity’ we manage in the process? So no.. no complaints. Not yet anyways.. heh. We’ll see how I feel when you start actually touching actual, hands-on Gagnarok fixes and alternates though. Outside of that Cosmic-FrostIron bitty from a few doors down anyway. That’s gonna be a mess.

  “ Whee.. yeah. MONSTERS gets that honor first, most likely.. “

  Cuyler (Clint Barton D14:)  Good. Bean can handle that best, I think... or maybe worst. Either way it’s gonna be entertaining for me..

For those interested, Cuyler’s published stories are found below in chronological order (they were posted out of order in part because of the prompts themselves and some parts were planned ahead to take certain slots.) The title names are the links to each part.

The Warming Stone (part 1)

Fathers (part 4)

The Hart (part 2)

Between the Reds (part 3)

[baddly-well-done-translations]

Who is (and who was) who in Marilyn Manson | by Lala Toutonian (Madhouse magazine N°84, year 1997)

A very normal family

  Stop with the Reverend, for Satan’s sake! It’s the turn of the rest of the band, those relegated who maintain a lower (although not less controversial) profile. It’s difficult growing behind the shadow of such a character as Marilyn Manson, because of that is essential to maintain a spiritual strength and a fire-proof constancy. Here, an article (with the most solicited data) about the members and opus of the group which has most given to talk in this time.

Twiggy Ramirez: androginous (but sexual)

  The second place in the category which refers to a visual phenome, is undoubtedly for the androginous bassist. Twiggy Ramirez is only one step away from taking the name of Antichrist Superstar, as his mentor. 

  “I pretend trying to break that barrier between what’s femminine and masculine” says the one who insists with dresses; “I think I had my first erection the day I put on my mother’s undergarments. It’s a part of me which feels comforted with that, as so many other people. Obviously I’m not a hermaphrodite, although people believe so. There’s a very thin line between hetero, bi, and homosexual”.

  His thing is terminant. “We’re here to change today’s mainstream because it’s very mediocre. There was a time in which music wasn’t exciting anymore, there wasn’t a single one rockstar, it depressed me. I’m proud of being part of the mainstream now, somebody had to change it, turn it more exciting”. 

  He asegurates his thing was there since his mother’s womb. “She danced in a cage for the Kinks and Leslie West’s band”. His father could be the legendary guitarist West or Ray Davies from the Kinks: “I grew up surrounded by music. I lived with an aunt who was a groupie and very friend of the Ramones. I remember she hung up with one from the Bee Gees too”. If he hadn’t got success with music, he assegurates he’d be a prostitute. 

  And he continues with polemic themes: “I was raised without religion, I’ve never been cristian or satanist, I’m nothing”. He’s a rockstar: “Our music is so straight forward… There’s a group of idiots who simulate they don’t want to be rockstars, like if they felt pity for themselves. We’re the exception. The last time I talked with my mother, she told me little boxes with pubic hair were arriving at the house. I thought it was spectacular. Someone has to raise and care for those children. If their parents raise them, they’ll be just like us”. 

  Twiggy’s musical career started in primary school. He started playing violin because of a Star Wars film. In secondary school days, “Shout at the Devil” by Mötley Crüe and “Stay Hungry” by Twisted Sister were the albums which had most amazed him and the ones which ended up being decisive in his career. “Dr. Hook and the Medicine Show” was his first band: “A blend of country-wester disco with rockabilly bits”. 

  Ramirez met Manson in a Shopping Mall. “We had a band called ‘Mrs. Scabtree’ in which I dressed up as a black woman and sang. Then we started ‘Satan on Fire’, christian death metal group. I also sang and played guitar while Manson played the bass there. All these projects were while the creation of Marilyn Manson was taking place. He (Manson) played drums and bass, mostly so I could improve with guitar”. 

  Attracted by most dark metal genres “because of its message and rage”, Twiggy realized there was a lot of limitation, you couldn’t go further and the audience was minimal in this type of events. 

  He was invited to join the band after the recording of “Portrait of an American Family” and after two rehearsal weeks, they went on tour. “First album was recorded as a live band. In ‘Smells Like Children’ most of the material were covers. Scarcely in the song ‘Scabs, Guns and Peanut Butter’ I could give my own musical idea”. 

  Until that moment nothing could prevent the path the “Antichrist Superstar” would take, although the creepy version of “Sweet Dreams” deatheached a rotten smell. Ramirez assegurates that while in the “Smells..” tour, Marilyn and him had the same dreams, so they started composing together because it seemed that inspiration had the same start point in common: “In those days we talked about telepathy. We knew what the other was thinking and what we pretended for every song”. 

  The recording process of “Antichrist Superstar” ended up being pretty stressful for Twiggy since the moment in which Daisy was fired out of the band: “I don’t really know what was up with Daisy, but I was feeling alone, I wasn’t contributing in anything. I was lucky that there was Trent (Reznor)” Twiggy, with Marilyn Manson, plus Madonna Wayne Gacy’s contributions, were some of the pillars that helped “Antichrist Superstar” being the success it is.

God’s chosen one

  The last thing the group’s members needed after the recording of Antichrist Superstar was having to search for a replacement for Berkowitz. But in the face of Daisy’s inability to get into the Manson family, they had to search for a six string player. This was in May 96’, and after a year they crashed into Zim Zum. While dozens of musicians paraded around Treznor’s house, the trio Manson-Ramirez-Gacy was acting as a judge while watching auditioning aspirants. 

  Although his name doesn’t derivate from a sex simbol and a murderer, the nickname has a particularity worthy of emphatize: the idea was taken from Hebrew. Zim Zum was the angel God had chosen to do the dirty work at the start of times; the same function was given to him by Mr. Manson while including him in the band. There are other dark sides in his ambivalent personality too: Tzimtzum refears, in cabbalistic terms, to the place God left for giving place to humanity. Also his name could be attributed to the serial assassin from the 60’s, called Raymond Zum. 

  From Illinois, Chicago, he worked for a long time in a guitar factory (In fact, three guitars of his are self-made). Apart of LSD (Life, Sex and Death), he had never participated in a band before. He debuted recording the live version of “Irresponsible Hate Anthem”.

A simple guy: Olivia Newton Bundy

  Brian Tutunick is an original member of the Spooky Kids, after the initial project of Marilyn Manson, he continued his career in Collapsing Lungs and now he plays in Nation of Fear: “Nation of Fear started in 1995 after the dissolution of Collapsing Lungs. This project really was in my plans before that Marilyn Manson thing, as something more industrial. But some members of the bands preferred hip-hop. Then I met DJ Grinch, who was a Collapsing fan, and we started Nation together”.  He assegures his thing is industrial, goth, alternative and a bit of rap and hardcore, everything blended with computers. 

  How was his history in Marilyn Manson? “Perry (Zsa Zsa Speck) and I were working on the Collapsing thing, and we were very friends. We had never made music before, but we wrote a lot of poetry. He started hanging out with Scott (Daisy Berkowitz) and recorded something like six tracks. That way they started Spooky Kids and I was asked if I wanted to be part of the project.  I joined them, although I always pretended returning to Collapsing. Everyone gave ideas about performance and the visual part, but Manson already knew what direction we had to take. Between 1989 and 1990 we had only five shows. Madonna was bizarre. When we quit off the band because we wanted to keep up with Collapsing, we told him to take charge of the samplers. He was an encyclopedia of bizarre acts”, tells Olivia. 

“I basically left the band because Manson and I have our own messages, someones in common, others not (...) I’m not on the musician's side. I hate musicians. I’m with entertainment, because of that I have more in common with a stripper than with Billy Joel”, concludes Wayne Gacy like if he wanted to make clear his mental lucidity. 

  Olivia practically doesn’t see the members of Marilyn Manson anymore, unless they met in a club or pub in the city. “Marilyn Manson is a shock rock band. They’re what they’re because they’re very controversial. There’s a thing I find particularly funny: religious groups which attentate in it’s shows. I consider that threatening a stadium full of kids with a bomb is a lot worse than a simple guy who’s trying to play his music”.  Simple? Guy?...

Leafing the Daisy

  When Daisy Berkowitz said goodbye to his peers in the middle of Antichrist Superstar’s production, fans were left totally shocked. After desperate searches by the press hand, he finally appeared, only to present Three Ton Gates, his new aggrupation. Now he’s heading towards the trial Manson initiated because of his composition’s rights. 

  “I wasn’t fired. I felt like I didn’t have credit for what I was doing and certainly not the opportunity of doing my music, while that was all I did between the first album and Smells Like Children. Manson didn’t accept any of the compositions I had for Antichrist Superstar. He only wanted ‘Wormboy’ and I felt deceived. He didn’t respect me. He changes opinions every five minutes, I’m not exaggerating. He was always searching for a sonorous personality and I contributed a lot in that field. When you write, you cannot simply transmit what you have in your head. He isn’t a musician, so he doesn’t understand that. He never appreciated my effort in creating a big sound unity”. 

  He assures Manson wanted to work with Twiggy and not with him, because the bassist took charge of the guitars after Daisy’s departure. “When I noticed I had only participated in a third part of the album, I decided to go away. They didn’t even include lots of guitars! They literally didn’t let me enter the studio, I only entered two times per week to do the basics with guitars. I played in five tracks: ‘Warmboy’, ‘Tourniquet’, ‘Mr. Superstar’ and ‘Antichrist Superstar’. Then they told me ‘Now you can leave’ and they hadn’t even ended the album. I realized I had to leave...“ laments Daisy. 

  He criticises the Reverend saying he had never had a band before and he doesn’t know what professionalism is. He doesn’t hang out with any of the band members now: “Nobody has even invited me to a show”. What does not being “Daisy Berkowitz” anymore feel like? “A bit better”, he tries to convince us. 

  The ones who want to contact the ex-Daisy, can do it at http://www.spookykids.com/threetongate (It’s a magazine from the ‘97, I hardly believe the page even exists now)

[fxllen-angxlboy]

——————————————————

Angel ‘Damian’ Marcus | 26

Addict/Rockstar/Sadist

\\\—— Angel grew up as an only child, his mother worked as a nurse and his father worked at a car shop constantly so he was watched by his grandparents often. He was a needy kid and needed a lot of attention or else the male would have burst of anger; tantrums that would turn into smashing objects and throwing toys. Angel was a handful as a kid and this is where his explosive anger developed. Not being handled right and frequently locked in his room for hours drove him crazy.

He formed more bad behaviors and at the age of 16, he was already getting in trouble with the law..Stealing, underage drinking, pills and he’d even get caught for smoking weed. Angel was at his lowest point when he discovered that he wasn’t the only one that was inside of his body. He heard a voice that called out to him and convinced Angel to allow him to have control and it would be okay. At the age of 17 he had his first charge of assault..Angel had shifted to his alter, this horrible demonic being and he went by the name Damian—or he was also known as the chaos demon; Alastor; the chief of torture in Hell—He got into a bad fight with some random person on the street because they bumped into him..Damian had put that man in the hospital; 3 broken ribs, black eyes, a broken arm and missing a few teeth. The demon even had two occurrences where he ended up murdering two different people in the same year, he was only the age of 20 by then.

At the age of 24, his entire personality had changed. He was the lead singer of a popular band called Bruised Bodies, he didn’t let people get to close to him though Angel was more soft where he could actually care for another, love another..Damian was a demon that always wanted to cause some kind of issue. To this day Angel struggles with his alter and addiction and is seeking for someone that will help him change for the better, help him see that he isn’t as worthless as he thinks

Now at the age of 26, Angel felt that being in his band had taken up to much of his time to recover and to get any form of help, so he decided that he would step away and leave his music to focus on himself; mentally and physically.

——///

Birthday: September 21st• born in Chicago, Illinois

Deals with problems/disorders such as:

* pops pills 

* anger

* multi-personality disorder/DID

* murderer

-Occupation: lead singer for ‘Bruised Bodies’

-Hair: short/black with shaved sides

-Eyes: pale baby blue, when Damian comes out his right iris turns white

-Height: 6′4

-Tattoos/Piercings: nostril pierced , tats covering arms & chest

-Personality-

3 good traits: wise, charming, adventurous  

3 bad traits: temper, jealous, aggressive

-Fears-

loosing loved ones and airplanes/being in the sky and hospitals

-Sexuality-

~Sexual Orientation: Pansexual

~Dom/Sub: Dom, rarely subs but is willing

~Bottom/Top:  Top, 90% of the time

-Extras (Favorites)-

Movie: Butterfly Effect

Food: anything spicy

Animal: snakes

Hobby: making music

fc: andy biersack, short hair

[hms-chill]

RWRB Study Guide: Chapter 7

Hi y’all! I’m going through Casey McQuiston’s Red, White & Royal Blue and defining/explaining references! Feel free to follow along, or block the tag #rwrbStudyGuide if you’re not interested!

Crêpe-eating tourists (157): Crepes are a thin, flat pancake traditionally filled with sugar, but commonly filled with other toppings. They are an iconic French dish and are popular with tourists both for this reason and because they are typically inexpensive.

Place du Tertre (157): A square in Paris, it is in the Montmarte district, which is known for its art history.

Crusty baguettes (157): Baguettes are a French bread that is meant to be crusty on the outside and soft on the inside.

Le Monde (158): The most popular French newspaper.

Fromagerie Nicole Barthélémy (158): A famously wonderful cheese shop in Paris.

Parisian cheese shop (158): French cheese are known for being fancy and especially good.

Pisces (159): A zodiac sign known for being compassionate, artistic, and intuitive. (more)

NYU (159): New York University.

The Met (159): The Metropolitan Museum of Art, a famous art museum in New York.

Joanne (160): JK Rowling, who wrote the Harry Potter books, and has been pretty consistently homophobic and transphobic on twitter. 

Freddie Mercury (161): Lead singer of the band Queen, Mercury never officially came out, but he had long-term relationships with both men and women and was known for his camp performances, and there are claims that he was “openly gay”. His flamboyance and camp performances, as well as his relationship with partner Jim Hutton, essentially demanded that people simply take him as he was. He died of complications from AIDS in 1991, one day after admitting openly that he had been diagnosed four years earlier. (More)

For context within the book, he wrote “Don’t Stop Me Now”

Elton John (161): A famous British musician. He came out as bisexual in 1976, then as gay in 1992. He and his husband, David Furnish, became civil partners in 2005, the day they became legal in the UK. They were officially married on the ninth anniversary of their civil partnership, the year that gay marriage was legalized within the UK. (More)

Bowie (161): David Bowie, who was a bi British musician and actor who, in 1976, described his bisexuality as “the best thing that ever happened to me”. His wife (who was also bi, and with whom he often shared partners) claimed that he had a relationship with Mick Jagger, though his bisexuality has been consistently erased, both during his life and since his death. (More)

Again for book context, Henry’s dog is named for David Bowie

Jagger (161): Mick Jagger, an English singer/songwriter and member of the Rolling Stones, known for his promiscuity. As mentioned above, he and Bowie pretty clearly had a relationship, though his Wikipedia makes no mention of queerness. (More)

Oakley Street (161): A street that runs through an affluent borough of London.

Stonewall (161): The Stonewall Inn in New York City is a gay bar. The riots against police brutality there in July of 1969 are heralded as the beginning of the gay rights movement.

SCOTUS decision in 2015 (161): The Supreme Court ruling that legalized gay marriage across the US.

Walt Whitman (161): An American poet who wanted to become The American Poet and saw himself as the quintessential American. His poetry often deals with his queerness, and he absolutely slept with Oscar Wilde in the late 1800s. 

Fun fact; he is celebrated in the movie The Dead Poets Society, which is incredibly popular with Sad Gay English Majors and which Henry would definitely have seen.

Laws of Illinois 1961 (161): In 1961, Illinois became the first state in the US to repeal its sodomy laws.

White Night Riot (161): A series of riots in San Francisco protesting the lenient sentencing of the man who killed Harvey Milk, the first openly queer politician. The riots were the most violent queer uprising since the events at the Stonewall.

Paris is Burning (161): A 1990s movie celebrating drag ball culture in New York. It celebrates in particular queer communities of color in the late 1980s, when the AIDS epidemic was at its peak.

“If I die of AIDS...” (161): This is a real photo; you can find it here. The man’s jacket could refer to a form of protest called “die-ins”, where people with AIDS would go to a homophobic politician’s office or another public place where they were refused treatment and simply not leave until after they died. (see it here)

Chop my own tit off (162): Fun mythology fact; the Amazons (warrior women from Greek mythology) actually did this to make themselves better archers.

H fucking W (162): George HW Bush, a former US president.

George (163): George Villers was the boyfriend of King James the I/VI, and Prince George, Duke of Kent, was rumored to be in a polyamorous relationship in the 1920s. 

Edward (162): Edward II was a famously gay king. He was may have been "wedded brothers" with Piers Gaveston and may have also had a relationship with Hugh le Despenser the younger following Gaveston's death. (More)

James (162): The British king known for translating the Bible and being just... indescribably gay and very deeply horny. He promoted his boyfriend, George Villers, to the highest non-royal position in the UK within a few years of starting to date him. James’s friends actively tried to set him up with hot guys for their own political gain.

Alexander (163): Alexander Hamilton was an incredibly bi founding father. He’s remembered for founding our current national banking system, having the first ever American sex scandal, and for literally never shutting up or knowing how to stop being A Lot All The Time. 

Catalina (164): Catalina is an island near Los Angeles. On a more meta level, St. Catalina was a respected writer.

June (164): June Carter Cash was an American singer/songwriter/director/comedian.

Tricky Dick (164): Richard Nixon, a president remembered for wiretapping his opponent.

Taft (165): 27th president of the United States.

Eisenhower (165): 34th president of the US.

Baby (166): this is what Henry’s mom calls him; I wrote a thing about it here.

Daily Mail (166): A trashy British tabloid.

Lollapalooza (167): A music festival in Chicago known for setting fashion trends and having lots of drugs.

Joni Mitchell (167): A singer/songwriter known for her innovative use of the guitar, including unique tunings, chords, and a unique fingerpicking/strumming style. (Listen here)

Cocaine (168): A highly addictive drug. It is snorted, smoked, or injected, and while it makes people feel more confident or forget their problems, the highs from it last only up to about 30 minutes, which often drives people to take it more frequently. Side effects (aside from addiction) include a loss of appetite, irritability, and increased mental health issues. 

Spitfire (168): Someone with a quick temper or willingness to fight.

High as a kite (169): Someone who’s “high as a kite” is on a lot of drugs and is still enjoying the high.

Clean (169): Drug/alcohol free.

Stiff upper lip (170): Ability to seem determined or hold it together in the face of hard times.

A levels (170): A UK test taken for admittance to college, similar to the ACT/SAT in the US

Henry V at RSC (171): Henry V is a Shakespearean history play about the life of Henry V, especially focused on the events of the Hundred Years’ War. RSC, or the Royal Shakespeare Company, is a Shakespeare theater company in London.

Travis County (171): The Texan county where Austin is located.

Surfside (171): A beach in Texas.

Adderall (172): A prescription drug taken for ADHD but commonly abused by students to help them stay awake for all-nighters or focused for unhealthily long study sessions. However, given McQuinston’s claim that Alex has undiagnosed ADHD, it likely helped him to be able to focus and helped his brain work the way it was expected to.

Almond milk (vs. dairy) (173): Texas has a huge dairy industry, and almond milk is not great for the environment.

The Gun File (173): American gun law is so deeply broken.

WASPy Hunter’s Harvard pencil cup (175): Harvard is a prestigious college in Boston; it has a reputation for being mostly rich white folks.

Iron curtains of gerrymandering (175): Gerrymandering is a form of drawing lines for voting districts to disenfranchise marginalized voters. It is a form of skewing elections to keep power in the hands of the powerful that divides marginalized votes, making people of color or poor folks the minority in their districts, therefore erasing their votes on a broader scale.

Vision-boarding his funeral (175): a vision board is typically made to inspire someone to pursue a goal.

Parks & Recreation (175): A popular American sit-com focused on the parks and recreation department in a small town in Indiana. 

Leslie Knope (176): a Parks & Rec character. One of her defining traits is an aggressive, overwhelming love for the people in her life.

Mid-century rug (177): Mid-century furniture and style is characterized by lots of color and playful patterns (following the more reserved WWII period in the 1940s); it is rising in popularity again as a classy yet fashionable look.

J14 (178): A teen fashion/celebrity magazine.

Sacramento Bee (178): The largest newspaper in Sacramento, CA.

Southerness (180): In positive lights, the American South is known for its genuine, warm, unselfish hospitality.

Jane Austen my life (180): Jane Austen is a British author whose novels star lower/middle class women who fall in love with rich men. They typically try to avoid these men for large portions of the book, or at least have rather negative feelings about them due to a misunderstanding or other failure to communicate.

LSAT (181): the test taken for admittance to law school.

Carmarthenshire (183): A largely agricultural county in South Wales. As a tourist destination, it is known for its wide range of outdoor activities.

Llwynywermod (184): A royal estate in Carmarthenshire, the biggest building of which is a renovated three-bedroom farmhouse. It is surrounded by the rolling green hills common to south Wales.

Finals (in the US) (185): At US colleges, a semester’s final tests (typically worth up to 30-40% of a final grade) take place the week after classes end.

Stamp on his forehead at The Tombs (185): Tombs is a bar near Georgetown. According to reviews, and “Tombs Night” parties, where students celebrate their 21st birthday and get their foreheads stamped at the end of the night, are a Georgetown tradition.

Jumped in Dalhgren Fountain (185): Dalhgren Fountain is in the center of Georgetown’s campus. Swimming in it is a Georgetown tradition.

Summa cum laude (186): “with greatest honor”.

Ceviche (186): A seafood dish native to Peru that spread to Mexico, where it contains lime, avocado, chili peppers, onions, and cilantro.

Palm Room (187): The gateway to the West Wing, the area of the White House where most politics happen.

Hoe Dameron (190): A reference to Star Wars character Poe Dameron, a rebel pilot and the first Latino main character in the series.

Prince Buttercup (190): Princess Buttercup is the heroine/love interest in The Princess Bride, 

West Hollywood (190): One of the most prominent gay neighborhoods in the US.

“Call Me” (191): The most popular song of 1980; it was originally written for the film American Gigolo and inspired by the film’s opening sequence of a character driving along the coast of California. (Listen here)

“So Emotional” (191): An absolute bop about enjoying being in love. (Listen here)

“Don’t Stop Me Now” (193): A Queen song where Mercury sings to both a man and a woman; it’s a huge bop. (Listen here)

In-N-Out (194): A fast food restaurant/burger chain native to California and unavailable in other states.

Animal style (195): Animal style burgers are an In-N-Out staple; it includes the typical burger toppings, along with mustard fried into the patty, pickles, onions, and extra spread.

French-fries-dipped-in-milkshake (195): a truly god-tier American dessert tradition.

“O captain, my captain” (196): A reference both to the idea of a lacrosse team captain and to Whitman’s poem, “O Captain, My Captain” (as mentioned above, Whitman was a deeply gay American poet).

Burberry (200): A posh British brand of clothing known for its classy, traditional pieces.

Cats that caught the canaries (200): A cat that caught a canary is a person who looks smug or satisfied.

Mother hen (201): A “mom friend” or someone who will do everything they can to look out for people they care about, sometimes to the point of it being annoying.

—-

If there’s anything I missed or that you’d like more on, please let me know! And if you’d like to/are able, please consider buying me a ko-fi? I know not everyone can, and that’s fine, but these things take a lot of time/work and I’d really appreciate it!

—–

Chapter 1 // Chapter 6 // Chapter 8 

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #228

“blood on her skin, dripping with sin, do it again, living dead girl.”

How many sugars do you like in your tea? Man, I find A LOT of tea or coffee questions in surveys. Anyone who reads these knows by now I hate tea. Ever heard of a band called The Dresden Dolls? I fucking love "The Gardner," but it's the only song I know. What was the last movie you saw that made you laugh out loud? Idk, I watch movies so rarely. Who’s your favorite superhero? Deadpool, if you count him (technically an anti-hero, I kno). Otherwise, I don't really know. Possibly Spider-Man. What does your regular attire consist of? Pajama pants and tank tops lmaoooo. Popsicles or Ice cream? Ice cream. Are you good at solving math problems in your head? It's almost impossible for me to. Even simple addition. What kind of M&Ms do you like best? Normal chocolate ones. What is the last thing you tried on in a store? Uhhhh I think formal shirts when I was actually working on getting a job... Are you comfortable enough around your friends to change in front of them? No. Does your best friend wear makeup? No. Have you ever dated someone in secret? No. How do you get splinters out? Tweezers. Do you ever send people good morning texts? Sara sometimes. Is there someone who makes you blush when you just say hi to them? No. Do you kiss your pets? Of course. Why did you go to church the last time you went? My then-friend was having a serious "reborn" and devout Christian phase. Who’s the richest person you know? I don't know. How old is the oldest person you know? I also don't know. 90-something. Who's the last person who asked your name? My math professor needed a refresher when handing out test results. Have you ever been so drunk you couldn’t even talk right? No. Do you know anyone with a million middle names? I know someone with three or four. Do online dating sites ever work? For some people. When you were a teenager, did your parents set rules about dating? No. Have you ever lived with a person who you tried to avoid at all costs? No. Have you ever committed a crime that directly harmed another person? No. Did you grow up in an urban, suburban, or rural area? I guess suburban/rural mix? Which disease do you personally think is the most horrible? Alzheimer's. What is your worst childhood memory? I mean it depends on what stage of childhood, but I'm going to assume you mean like, pre-pre-teen years. In that case, just my parents fighting. Do you remember where you first drove to after getting your license? N/A What did you get into trouble for the most when you were a kid? Fighting with my little sister, probably. What is your biological sex? Female. What is the oldest gaming console you own? A GameBoy Advance. Of all the houses you’ve lived in, which has been your favorite? If you excuse the bad memories, my previous one. Do you get sunburnt easily? Oh yeah. What’s the color of your front door? White. Your favorite ice cream flavor: It alternates between just plain chocolate and vanilla. How many people have you been really in love with? Twice. Your favorite song at the moment: "Necessary Evil" by Motionless In White feat. Jonathan Davis. What’s most important for you? My well-being. Do you snore? No. What are you looking forward to right now? Mark's next big project comes out October 30th and I can't physically wait, but after that, all I care about is December getting here so I can go up to Sara's. What’s the earliest you’ve ever had to wake up for work? N/A Do you use reusable shopping bags to reduce waste? No, but I wish... I don't do the shopping in my house, so it's not really my decision. How many times have you moved? Three times *really*, but you could kinda say four when Jason, me, and our two friends/another couple moved into an apartment together; my name was in no way involved as being an official resident, but it eventually came to a point where I was there every day and night for quite a while. Do you know anyone who has changed their first name? Yes. Do you know anyone who has been on life support, and survived? No. Do your parents have a strong relationship together? HA HA fuck no. They've been divorced since I was like 16. Have you ever read any of Charles Darwin’s works? No. Do you think there are more dimensions than what we’re able to perceive? I lean towards no, but it's possible, sure. Does anyone in your family have schizophrenia? Yes. Do any of your neighbors have loud children? No. Who would you say is your hero? Mark, my mom, Sara. You can only shop at one store for the rest of your life where would it be? If you're talking about in order to buy everything, from food to clothes, I'd have to say Walmart. Do you text type or do you type out all your words? Mostly the latter, but I'll use "lol," "otw," stuff like that sometimes. Have you ever given money to a homeless person? No. I'mma be real honest, I don't think I ever would. I just DO NOT trust people. It's fact that the money is usually used for alcohol and drugs, and I've seen news of more than enough posing assholes. Who are you living with? My mom and pets. What are your opinions on colored contacts? Cool as fuck, wish I could wear them. Are you comfortable with your body? Fuck no. What is one thing in your life that is no longer there, that you miss? A social life. What do you believe is the best thing about being a kid? No responsibilities. Life is just simpler. Last time you had a s'more? Shortly after Sara left when she visited. We had leftover stuff so Mom and I made a few. Do you like peppermint candy? Yeah. Do you like spearmint or peppermint gum better? Peppermint, I think. Do you prefer fruity flavors over minty ones? Yes. Do you have a little Pink brand dog from Victoria’s Secret? No. What is the last thing you blew? Idr, I'm sure some kind of food. What’s the last gift you received? Sara got me a mug with a super relevant Markiplier quote sobs- What did your parents do today? I don't live with my dad so idk, but I know my mom's at work. What is the symbol for your type of computer? It's just the brand name. Do the clothes you’re wearing have any type of symbol on them now? Skulls. Do you like peas? NO. Where is your favorite place to be massaged? I wouldn't know, but probably my shoulders? Do you like composition books, or spiral notebooks? Spiral notebooks. The person you like, what color eyes do they have? Brown. So what is your favorite physical feature about that person? She has a freckle on her hip that is so fucking cute. What kind of four wheeler do you have? I don't have and never have had one. Do you live where there are a lot of cows? Sure, I guess. What is your favorite animal with spots? Probably snow leopards. Give me your opinion on sports. I don't have a problem with them (save for like, boxing and ones that can seriously harm people), but I'm not into them. Why do you play the sports you do? N/A Do you actually care about your school work and what grades you make? Yes I care. Do you have a typical family, or a weird one? Honestly a pretty broken one. Do you have a favorite letter? Probably "z," particularly in cursive. From the room you're in can you hear a door shut when someone arrives there? Sometimes. What states have you been to in the past year? Just NC and Illinois. Well, I obviously flew over other states, but I've only stayed in those two. Have you ever sleepwalked? I have not. Do you want children? Why/why not? "Hell no. I don’t like kids and I don’t want the rest of my life to be centred around one." <<< That's a great description for myself as well. I know I would be a fucking awful mother, too. Not as in I'd be mean to my child, absolutely not, it's just I barely manage to take care of myself a lot of the time. I'm not emotionally fit for that job and the stress it entails, at all. And yeah, being willing to make someone else my world is something I'm never doing again. I want my attention to stay on myself, my spouse, and pets. Do you have any credit card debt? Hi, I'm 23 and don't own and never have owned a credit card. Who do you go to for relationship advice? Honestly, I don't. I look within myself for those answers, really. I think I'm pretty intelligent and aware of how to maintain a healthy relationship. There's been times I've talked to my mother about things, but yeah, she's not the greatest to talk about all that with. What was your favorite way to spend a summer day as a kid? Swimming. Have you ever been scammed? Not successfully. I think. Did you ever take a personal finance class in school? None were offered at my high school. I don't know if they are now at my college, though, but I don't think so. They need to be, and mandatory. I don't have the slightest goddamn clue how to handle money. How’s your mental health? Are you feeling well? I'm going through a rough patch right now. School is stressing me. Not having a job and struggling with money to the extreme is about to make my hair fall out. Do you struggle with acne? Not anymore. Did you have a Xanga page back in the pre-Myspace days? I've never had a Xanga. Around what year did you start using the internet, anyways? I was like, 9-10? Maybe even earlier with Webkinz and Neopets, idr. I know I started RP in 2005, and that's when I was very actively online. Do you have any uncommon interests or hobbies? A few. Forum RP is definitely the "weirdest," hence why I hide it publicly. Then there's photographing roadkill. The LOOKS Mom tells me I get when I'm on the ground next to a dead animal, lol. I've had questions, stares, and cars turn around aplenty to make sure I'm okay. I'm really self-conscious about doing it, but I really love doing it for the purpose of forcing eyes onto just how brutal roadkill can be because of us, and the validating comments I've gotten about it online pushes me to keep going with it. Well, that and of course just sincerely enjoying it. That being said, I like gore - in moderation, and some kinds are just off-limits without me getting grossed out. "Vulture culture" (the use of naturally deceased animals in some form of artwork) is also something I am very very interested in. Wet specimens of anything are cool as all fuck. There's a load of unconventional things I enjoy. What temperature do you keep your thermostat set at in the winter? Uhhhh idk, 70-something. Have you ever fostered an animal? No, but I am 110% fostering opossums once I get my own place and am authorized and properly equipped to do so. What is something you thought you’d never like, but you enjoy now? Hm. OH, ketchup. I hated that shit as a kid. Did your parents ever not let you watch any television shows as a child? Yeah, but none in exact come to mind. Basically like, MTV and stuff like that was a big no. How old were you when you had your first kiss? Who was this kiss with? I just turned 16. It was with Jason, my first "real" boyfriend. Have you ever betrayed one of your parents in any way at all? Doing what? I don't think so. What are your favorite stores to go to when you visit the mall? Hot Topic and Spencer's is like all I care about that we have available near here. Has anyone ever told you they don't like the way you run your life? Ohhhhhhhhhh, I wasn't the only one who experienced that with her. At all. Does it bother you when you comment someone’s pictures and they don't even comment you saying ‘thank you’ or comment one of your pictures? I find it rude if they in no way acknowledge a compliment, yes, but you don't have to say thanks. Just like, like/hearting the comment (I'm using Facebook as my platform here) says enough to me that you're appreciative. Now for the second half of the question, that's stupid. I don't care if someone doesn't comment on a picture. Or anything. When was the last time you had a shot? Are you behind on those right now? I had a few numbing shots into my gums when I had a cavity filled early this month/late last month since my tongue ring finally caused one. I'm not behind on any required ones. Have you ever had a really rare disease, virus, or illness? Really rare, I don't think so? When was the last time you just, genuinely went somewhere with friends? Been a looooooong time, idk. Probably not since I was still friends with Colleen. Would you consider yourself a hygiene freak, or do you not care much? Neither of those fit me. Though I'm more likely to neglect myself out of the two. It depends on how I'm doing. That hasn't entirely healed since recovery. Are you old enough to live by yourself or are you just mature enough? I'm definitely old enough, just not independent or healthy enough, or financially capable. What is one thing you stopped doing just because everyone else stopped? I've never moved with fads. Have you ever been considered the freak of your class at any time in life? "Freak" seems a bit strong of a word, but "the weird kid," probably. Have you ever been to a Sea World before? Which one in which state? As a kid, yes, in Florida. I wouldn't now as an adult; I do not even remotely support their captivity of whales. I don't know all the facts behind their business so can't speak for all the animals, and I am not against all animal captivity so long it is providing and with good purpose (conservation, education, etc.), but nothing will make me pay to support the incredibly incompetent housing and mistreatment of whales. Do you believe in any kind of magic? Is it the stereotypical kind? *shrugs* I mean I dunno, define "magic," I guess. I personally believe some form of greater intelligence created the universe, and I suppose that's "magic." The person I copied this from brought up a great point, too: Science itself can seem pretty magical, so where do you even draw the line? Ex., the evolution of caterpillar to butterfly. That shit's fuckin' wild. A living thing melts to mush and is reformed in an entirely and completely new body. With wings, dude. There are truly a lot of natural things that occur in our world that make that line we've created blurry. Are you currently working on any kind of project at this moment in time? An argumentative essay on climate change in College Writing, if you call that a "project." I haven't started writing truly in-depth yet and may switch my focus to arranged marriages (seems random, yeah, but they're from a set list of options relevant to the book we read), only because I get fucking heated talking about climate change, and our professor made a point of not "preaching," and I also have to be capable of writing a paragraph of concession, that being an acknowledgment of the opposing point and considering its views, but. I don't think I could give climate change deniers' mindset even a sliver of genuine thought. As absolutely awful and appalling as they are, at least I can see a reason (a terrible one, but you get me) like hastening procreation in arranged marriages. Okay wow rambling ANYWAY yeah, in the starting stages of writing an essay. Which do you do more: read books, spent time online, or watch television? I'm like... always online, so yeah. What do you do the most when you’re online? Listen to/watch YouTube. Which foot is bigger, your left or your right? I don't know, I've never noticed. Do you think you’re too old to go trick-or-treating? Personally I believe anyone should be able to, but by society's standards, I am. Do you have a bobblehead? No. Have you ever had a themed b-day party? As a kid, yeah. Were you afraid of heights as a child? Nope. Do you think it’s stupid when you’re dying to have someone pray that you don’t feel afraid? (I would want them to pray that I live, personally) No? I don't believe that there's power in prayer period, but it's kind, realistic, and encouraging to hope they stay unafraid. Death is natural and happens to every single living thing, so truly, we shouldn't fear death all too much. What’s the strangest thing you’ve wrapped a present in? Uh nothing? Do you enjoy and appreciate life? Or is this something you need to learn? I appreciate it very much, but I do need to learn to enjoy it more. Have you ever made a pom-pom out of yarn? No. Have you ever had a lead role in a play? N- oh wait, in Sunday school as a young child, I was Mary in one. I don't remember HOW large the role was, but I would assume it was relatively big. Do you know how to use iMovie? I've never really tried it. I could probably figure it out pretty quickly, though. Would you raise your kids differently than your parents raised you? In some ways. For one, I would fucking not spank them. What was the best part about college? I most enjoy the flexibility of my schedule. It's not a 7-hour or whatever day every weekday. If you were homeschooled, did you come up with a school mascot? If so, what? N/A How many times a day do you check your cell to see if you have a text? Whenever it vibrates. Ever wonder if the person you hate will become the person you marry? *Hated but lmao that might just happen. If you could live in three places, a year each, where would they be? Germany, California, and maybe Canada. Your choice of transportation for anything: camel, jet pack or carriage? Carriage, probably. Think of a movie and now give me that movie title: The last person said Titanic so now I'm thinking romances, so The Notebook. Quote a line from that movie: "Tell me I'm a bird." "If you're a bird, I'm a bird." I wanted that as a tattoo with my spouse one day once upon a time. Aw! A line from your wedding vows is now: I want to recite the Corpse Bride vows with my partner. I don't feel like looking them up rn. Name a song: "God's Gonna Cut You Down" by Marilyn Manson, 'cuz that's what I'm listening to. What’s a line from that song? "Sure as God made black and white, what's done in the dark will be brought to the light." Name your two favorite characters from a TV show or movie: Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood. Lust and Envy, probably. When was the last time you fell asleep in a car? I dunno. How often do you think about death? Not too often? Do you believe what comes around goes around? Not always, but cause and effect makes it so sometimes. What about everything happens for a reason? NOPE. Can you sing? Not well. What kinds of little advertisements are on this page right now? None rn. Has something really heavy ever fallen on you? I don't believe so. Do you have any freckles on your feet? No. If you wear makeup, what colors do you usually wear? Black, when I do. I barely ever wear makeup, though. If you have more than one pet, do they ever get jealous of each other? BENTLEY DOES, particularly with guests (once he trusts them, anyway). If Teddy is getting attention, odds are he's gonna come on over and stick his nose in it. Do you have any brightly colored pants? No. Is there a room in your house that you don’t like going in? The laundry room. It's either hot or cold as fuck, depending on the season. Can you solve a Rubik’s Cube? No. I'm not good at planning future steps. Do you remember the last question you were asked? What did you answer? Well, besides the last survey question, I really don't. Besides salt and butter, do you put anything on your popcorn? No.