#the complicated relationship that you have with your mother and somehow becoming her my beloved

[domsaysstuff]

Season 2 of Russian Doll Steve Harrington-centric au

I have only some vague plot and just some scenes from the show down but I'll probably never write this and I need to get this out of my head so here we go! Another Dom's au idea dump! (I missed them)

Season 4 never happened btw but 1 through 3 did, also Eddie Munson never existed in Hawkins in this AU

Steve's mother is dying, Steve's mother is dying and he wishes he could feel something other than anger about it, he wishes he could be sad because his mother is dying but she hasn't really been a mother for him for a long time now

But she's dying and Steve still feels like the lanky teenager that observed and analyzed every breath of Cynthia Harrington to know why she hasn't loved him, or moreso why she loved him and yet it wasn't enough for her to care about him

He just wishes he had something to mourn a relationship that never was

She is dying and she's reaching out to Stevie after years of not talking after he packed his bags and moved with Robin to Chicago and haven't looked back since then

She wants him to come and he thinks it's cruel of her to want him there when all she's going to do is left him one last time

He is debating with himself whether to return to Hawkins or not when he takes his morning train to work

And that's when the time fuckery starts, he like Nadia becomes his mother(because we are keeping the gender fuckery that was Alan becoming his grandmother, like Stevie is just gender™ like that) who is very much pregnant, the baby is obvs him, unborn yet and they are in New York or some big city like that (for pain it could be Chicago and maybe Steve never knew she was born in Chicago, that somehow he followed in her footsteps) because Cynthia has always been a big city girl, it was Richard Harrington that wanted to move to Hawkins, to settle down there

When he figures it out he tries to change his fate, he thinks he is here to fix things, to give himself and his mother better life, one where she was happy, one where she maybe loved him enough to care

He knows he needs to leave, he packs her bags and tries to escape by taking the train and it just takes him back

He comes back to his apartment with Robin and spills everything to her, they have survived shit™ so she believes him, but tells him to not mess with time shit but he's determined that he can just fix it, fix everything

So he goes back and finds out that Cynthia is still with her parents, still to be married to Richard, he founds out that the escape did happen but she returned when she realized she was with a baby, has no money, no other people than her family that is pushing her to marry Richard since she is already carrying his child and she's so young, barely eighteen

She chicken out, so he tries other means and somehow somewhere there as his mother he falls for Eddie Munson, Eddie who he never heard of, Eddie who his mother never spoken a word of (his mother hasn't told him many things)

So he falls for Eddie because Eddie is so kind and free and different and he loves him, god he loves him, learns about his mother's past and it's all doomed anyway because the problem of Cynthia Harrington was that she was doomed from her birth and it's the same shit as in the show that every decision that Steve makes doesn't matter, they end up exactly the same anyway

Side plot is Robin taking the train and becoming her grandma and learning her grandma was the same as her, that she was queer, that she fell in love with Vickie, she falls in love with Vickie and it's a doomed romance, she comes back to her present time and learns that Vickie died just two years after Robin/her grandma met her and she tries to prevent that, she thinks she is there to prevent that, in the end she can't, in the end Vickie dies and Robin loved her god she loved her so much

There are obvs intermissions where Stevie and Robin are in the present together and talk and scheme and try to make it all right

Stevie like Nadia steals himself as a baby because he thinks he can raise himself better, that he and Robin can do a better job and the scene where Nadia gives Alan the baby-her and says think of all the things i could be if i was raised with love and as Robin holds baby-him "just what i was talking about" because Robin loves him and he knows she will love baby-him

Also maybe the rest of the party come to Chicago at some point because they heard the news and are there to support Steve and are sucked into the chaos but also meet a random baby and as Steve sees baby-himself surrounded by the party who even tho question from where the fuck did Robin and Steve have gotten a baby are taking care of it anyway

It's just- Steve finally learning his mother, gaining knowledge why she's like that, how she was before him, that him and her are quite similar, that they both loved Eddie Munson and lost him and it will hurt them for the rest of their life, Stevie coming back to Hawkins to say goodbye to his mom

Because he wouldn't chose her to be his mother but that's how the story goes and he knows her and understands her now and they both deserve to say goodbye

[poorlittleyaoyao]

I appreciated your thoughts about MDZS Vol. 2, since you were able to help me realize just what bothered me about Wangxian/WWX in the novel. It always felt to me that LWJ was WWX's only romantic option in a way bc WWX didn't have to think about his past as much with him? Personally I felt like his relationship with JC was more intense and meaty and interesting. And also why JYL maybe HAD to die. Honestly the ending just feels so strange and unhealthy the more I think abt it.

[pt 2 i guess??] but also can you imagine JYL if she had lived post-timeskip? how she would react to WWX being back? how she would feel about the core reveal as well as WWX + JC's reactions it and the way WN revealed the truth? how she would feel about what happened to Qin Su? also JYL had to die bc no way she's taking LWJ forcing her son to be quiet lightly (only half joking here).

ANON YES I AGREE WITH ALL OF THIS. I got another anon back when I first complained about Novel WWX who defended his lack of concern about his past actions with that exact argument: that meaningfully acknowledging and processing the consequences of his past actions would get in the way of his happily-ever-after with LWJ. But yeah, for my part, I much, much, much prefer the tangled mess of love and sacrifice and perceived betrayal that all iterations of Chengxian have going on to the Novel Wangxian holding pattern of LWJ behaving romantically towards WWX and WWX misinterpreting and/or not remembering over and over until they finally have bathtub sex.

And oh my god, there is SO MUCH GREAT STUFF you can do with JYL living! Yes, okay, you don't have as profound a rift with JC... but I think that's compensated for by there now being a rift between WWX and his beloved shijie whom he previously could count on to mother him and laugh good-naturedly at his antics without ever questioning. Suddenly, WWX's least complicated relationship has become one of his most complicated. How would he respond to that, especially since he can't write off JYL as being a cranky asshole like he can JC? When the sweetest person in the jianghu is unable to forgive you, but you know she loved you enough to risk her life to save you, what do you do with that? I get why the drama was reluctant to change such a huge plot point, but I'd love to have seen that explored within drama canon with its more-developed JYL in particular.

Re: JYL and QS, ahhhhh there are so many ways that could go! Is that particular tragedy prevented entirely, as JGS marries JYL off to JGY to keep JL at Lanling fulltime? Does JYL somehow get wind of Madame Qin's secret and break the news to QS herself? Does NHS use JYL--either wittingly or no--as one of his informants, and she delivers the letter not realizing the consequences it will have? At the very least, JYL would be a trusted friend and ensure that someone gave a damn about QS's death other than her husbandbrother who's trying to conceal a severed head.

And omg. Yeah, Hanguang-jun, you go ahead and try that silencing spell shit in front of JYL. JC has sect politics to consider. JYL's priority and actual job as dowager is to defend her son. The gloves are coming off.

[endlich-allein]

Interview with Till about his life: he fought with his father, killed his beloved dog, swam on a wild river and worked on suffering. How Till Lindemann's mind works

"I will finish you off" and why you fought for the German army.

Werner Lindemann wanders around the room, interrupting the silence with strange questions, writing something down. His motive is to get to know his son and make him a friend. But it's complicated. Generational conflict.

"My island of tranquility is shaken every day. The day before yesterday, a guy pulled on my socks because his were torn. Yesterday he didn't put out a single lamp in the house. Now, with voluptuous delight, he spits cherry pits into the cat's fur. Is this grown boy really an adult?"

The apprenticeship in Rostock, where you have to do window production after graduation, is the limit of boredom. Till Lindemann moved to his father in the countryside so that he could forget about the hustle and bustle of the city and not fall under the article for anti-social attitudes. He thought of a new life, in which there was no pointless work, and arranged an attic in his father's house.

In the mornings over coffee, he scolded life that everything went according to schedule. And listened very loudly to music - electronics and metal. My father didn't understand and grumbled: “I matured late. Naturally, I wanted to listen to the music I liked, but I could not get my hands on these records. For example, my father did not understand when I bought the Alice Cooper record for a month's salary.

Werner Lindemann was a children's writer who went through the war.

At the height of his career he disappeared for weeks on literary tours - his fame spread to teachers and librarians across the country. His father pecked at Lindemann for refusing to work and promised to turn him in:

"My willful child. What doesn't fit his standards is rejected as nonsense or crap." So he took a job as a carpenter, where he made shovel cuttings and cart wheels. The head foreman constantly drank vodka during the day, didn't want to be annoyed with questions and addressed the long-haired Lindemann with the nickname: "Mozart!" This suited him.

Werner Lindemann talked about war, hard existence and limitations. For example, about a grenade splinter that remained in his body. Lindemann did not believe in all these stories - but categorically did not accept service, war and murder:

“After that I objected: “I would hide, I would not go to war. Why did you even let yourself be dragged into this? You could have hidden."

And he said: “It didn't work out. They searched for it and it took away."

Then I said: “I would rather go under arrest. Never in my life, I would go to the front line to shoot people. It's against my nature. It would be better if I went to jail."

Much of the time father and son were simply silent, even while watching television.

"He regularly made me feel guilty, to say the least, he placed himself on a pedestal towards me: I shouldn't complain. At your age, I ran barefoot through the stubble, and in my stomach - a potato in a uniform."

The only acceptance is Mike Oldfield's music: "One day my father came to grumble again. At that moment I was listening to Mike Oldfield, and he sat down and said: "That sounds interesting."

For me it was like a quantum leap: my father sits in my room, listens to my music and thinks it was good. Probably because of melancholy. He was sitting in a rocking chair that I made myself - at the time I was working as a carpenter on a farm. I, too, always sat in an armchair, immersed myself in music and smoked hand-rolled cigarettes."

The conflict was intensified by a fight. Lindemann bought a Trabant car, installed speakers in it and tested the sound - loud as usual. “Then my father came and I had to turn off this fucking music. It was kind of loud for him. He was then fiddling around his cases of flowers, and then suddenly the situation escalated. I think he slapped me while I was still in the car.

He leaned toward me and hit me with the back of his hand. I made some bullshit remarks like, "Leave me alone," something like that. That was a provocation to him, and he said: "If you do that again, I'll hit you for real." And I said, "Then you'll get it back. Because you're crazy. Don't you dare to hit me anymore."

And then he hit me with his palm again. He wasn't controlling himself.

He was exalting himself. Instantly he introduced himself as a boxer - he had boxed in the Hitler Youth - and I just... I thought I didn't hit him, I just pushed him away. And then he stood in front of me again, "Come on, I'll finish you, you haven't got a chance!" Somehow. After that, he went up to the attic and threw all my stuff out the window.

It happened over the weekend, my sister was there, a lot of screaming, serious drama. Then I packed my things, put them in the car, went to a friend's house and never went into his house again. At first I lived with this friend, and a week later I bought myself a house in the village."

His father's book is about his son, which the son will only open up after the death of the father.

Lindemann is a late child. He was born when his father was 36. The gap in their relationship was felt in everyday life and perception of the world. Werner Lindemann woke up early in the morning, worked with the circular saw under the windows and did not understand when his son slept until noon after a working week.

Lindemann's parents then lived separately, but kept in touch. Mom worked as a journalist and discussed her texts with his father. "She still lived in Rostock and always came to see him only on weekends. Mostly on Sundays she came back quite early, because she couldn't stand the stress of being with him, either."

In 1988, the book “Mike Oldfield im Schaukelstuhl Notizen eines Vaters" In this book, Lindemann Senior describes the relationship with his son (whom he calls Timm in the book), who settled with him at the age of 18. The book was written in the 80s and laid on the table until the German Democratic Republic and the Federal Republic of Germany were reunited.

Werner Lindemann wanted his son to take up writing too. But this only amused him, although as a child he wrote poetry. At the age of 13, little Till Lindemann and his father were returning home along the bumpy road to Mecklenburg. They talked about career self-determination:

"You should already have thoughts about what you want to become, boy." My answer: "I don't know yet, maybe a fisherman on the high seas."

But immediately, no matter what I said, objections arose: “But then you have to get a certificate of maturity. But then you will be away all the time. But then you won't be able to start a relationship."

There was always a “but”.

At some point it got on my nerves, as usual. And I said: "Worst case scenario, I'll just become a writer.

I still remember how alienated his face became. "And what do you think then, what do I do! It's a very hard job! In fact, it's not even a job, it's a passion. And it's a job that's supposed to be enjoyable."

I said, "I don't know anybody who works with pleasure."

"Yeah, that's the problem. You have to look for a job that gives you pleasure." Then I say again, "But some people never get to choose..." This gigantic discussion happened because I didn't take his profession seriously. At the same time, he was completely lost, funny!"

Lindemann thoughtfully read his father's book, in which he comprehends their relationship, after his death. Faked for hidden anger and indecision. For example, in a situation where their dog Kurt was bitten by a fox. The father was frightened because of rabies: “At the same time, we did not even know whether he was bitten by a fox or not. The father immediately called the huntsman. But I said: no one will enter this courtyard and shoot the dog. I'll do it myself if I really need it. At some point I really had to kill the dog."

Lindemann is not a monster. The animals he fiddled with are an important attribute of childhood. He had an aquarium and hamsters, brought mice and rats home, and was friends with dogs. “Like many children of new buildings, he felt the need for someone alive, in need of love,” said Werner Lindemann. Sometimes the appearance of an animal in the house was surprising:

“This guy will never say what he's up to. He appears on the doorstep at the same time as me. He gets out from his vehicle, throws his coat open and puts a young black shepherd in my hands. "Your Christmas present!"

Till's father is speechless. My son stands before me like the sun's little brother. Touchingly concerned, he directs me into the house, working out a plan for the animal husbandry, accommodation and diet of our new pet housemate.

With confusion, a question flies from my lips, "Wheredid you get the dog from?" "Timm" is gibbering, "Imagine, the mason in the barnyard wanted to hang him, simply wanted to strangle him with a rope, said he was a worthless eater..."

Werner Lindemann died of stomach cancer in 1993, when his son was 30. They didn't finally reconcile, but Till visited him in his last days and was there for him with his mother: "They couldn't be without each other, even though they lived apart. Unreal, but my mother never had another man afterwards. To this day she can't let go of him."

- Not going to the Olympics in Moscow and ending up in the German ghetto

Lindemann had the knowledge and the potential to be a swimmer. And a shyness that pounded harder three days before the competition than concerts in front of crowds of thousands. "I know how difficult it is to develop willpower and stamina and instill those attributes. In the GDR this was instilled in us by coaches and so-called functionaries."

Lindemann came to swimming at the age of eight and devoted his entire youth to the sport. He would get up for training at five in the morning and pass out in the evening. His grandmother watched him from the stands. At a competition in Leipzig she shouted at the coach, who told Lindemann off for a poor result. The grandmother took the coach by the ear and said: "How do you talk to my grandson?"

Sports tightened up his upbringing and developed self-discipline. “Drilling - probably the boy has already received this experience as a swimmer,” Lindemann's father wrote. - Once he had to take second place in a competition, but by no means first place. Of course, he got carried away, forgot about it, became the first, thanks to which he received a shouting for indiscipline. And whenever he lost in the future, his coach would torture him at practice for a long time and yelled at him: "Even if you win, you're not a winner yet!"

Lindemann swam the 1.5 km freestyle and could have gone to the 1980 Olympics in Moscow. Everything was ruined when he left the hotel without permission during a competition in Florence: "I didn't want to run, but just wanted to look at the city. Cars, bikes, girls. I was caught and kicked out of the team, but then I didn't give the required results either."

Lindemann competed at the European Junior Championships, but did not go any higher. After the story in Florence, his career in sport slipped away. Perhaps an abdominal injury influenced his departure. Lindemann is gone, but he doesn't yearn: "I was relatively young. There were no good [memories] left. I was glad it was over."

"The hardest part was getting back to normal. I fell into a real hole. My home was no longer a sports school, but a ghetto in Rostock. Now I stood out through drinking and fighting. I used to be surrounded only by beautiful ladies who were interested in swimming. Now I had fierce women standing in front of me asking, "How come you don't drink?" When I was shy about approaching a girl, it was interpreted as: "Are you gay?"

Lindemann now works with a coach and swims a few kilometers before his tours to get in shape: "When I exercise, I feel a certain lightness - not only physically, but also mentally. I just feel better. The main problem is staying in shape. That's where self-discipline comes into play. Teeth grinding is important."

- Three weeks in the wild and loneliness as a creative tool

Emotionally, concerts = sports:

"How do I go on tour? Hungry. And happy. It is good to compare concerts with sport. You don't want to do both at first. You don't want to go on stage. You don't want to go to the pool. You don't want to go to the boxing ring. It all happens with reluctance. It has to be accepted somehow, that's life: spring, summer, fall, winter.

When it's done, winter's gone, the blooming begins, greenery appears, it gets bright, and you start to get a taste for it. When it's over, you feel happy. Then the body produces a sea of chemistry, a lot of happiness hormones. I think the body rewards itself."

The stage, like sports, is an embarrassment, but a necessity. Lindemann wore dark glasses in order to collect fewer views from the audience. Therefore, a couple of steps before the water, he looked at the pool with a shiver. You need to cope with yourself in order to open up to new emotions.

Lindemann's gut requires solitude and moderate solitude. This is the point:

“Loneliness is always good for a creative push - you drink a glass of wine and you feel even shitier. Art is not complete without suffering; art exists to compensate for suffering."

With his friend Joey Kelly, Lindemann spent three weeks on the Yukon River. They paddled through the wilderness in a kayak for eight to 10 hours each and lived in a tent. Lindemann didn't take a tape recorder with him, so he transferred the lyrics wandering in his head on paper.

They were catching inspiration and atmosphere:

"There were times when we wouldn't say a word for hours, but then: look there, look there! It was breathtakingly beautiful. These relatively fast-changing panoramas and skies, layers of clouds, the colors.

Except for a few bears and wolves, it's hard to see anyone else out there, it's exhilarating. Along the way we saw two hunters setting traps. No one else.

I grew up in the countryside, and I have a very strong connection to nature. I love fishing, hunting. It's an archaic experience that I like to revisit over and over again. When I'm in the city for too long, I start to miss it."

To recreate situations in the Yukon, Lindemann and Kelly trained for nine months on the Rhine river in Germany because of its liveliness.

"We went down the Rhine to where the transport ships create huge bow waves. If we hadn't had a coach with us, we probably would have been sunk by the side wave impact already during our first attempt," Lindemann said.

Together with Kelly, he had four sessions with two coaches and swam from Cologne to Koblenz [more than 100 kilometers by car]. Lindemann trained separately each week on the lakes in Mecklenburg. It's both physically challenging and savage identical to being natural.

In 2015, Till started his solo project Lindemann. On the album Skills In Pills, the song Yukon was released, in which the lyrics appeared first, and then the music.

- "My lyrics come from pain rather than desire."

The country boy is big and not much of a talker. That's how the Rammstein members saw him at the start, when they were hanging out at home. "He looked cool, like a big peasant talking one sentence an hour," keyboard player Christian "Flake" Lorenz recalled. - He always had food and vodka. He'd just steal a couple of ducks somewhere and cook them on a tray. And then, frozen like in Sleeping Beauty, there were people lying in corners and on trunks in his house."

Lindemann loves and appreciates home gatherings. This came from my father, who always had guests. “In my opinion, this is the little bit that I inherited from him. Throwing parties and gathering people. Throwing parties and getting people together. He just enjoyed being a good host. The house was always full of guests from Leipzig, from Rostock, foreign guests, even from Kazakhstan.

It was always exciting for him. He stood at the stove, cooked, bought an abundance of wine, and there was always a fire in the garden. At some point he stopped drinking, then he left the party at 21:00 and the whole company continued to feast. And in the morning he got up at four, cleaned and tidied up."

Till Lindemann is about self-digging, overcoming and childish shyness, which is covered by a pumped-up figure of a swimmer. This is how Lindemann decrypts himself:

• “And I really am like a big child - ill-mannered, but harmless. People think that I am always strong, explosive. This is not true. I am sensitive and easily hurt, but in love I am romantic and passionate."

• “At the very beginning, you sit somewhere in a dark room, open a bottle of wine and figure out how to make the lyrics popular with the music. At first you only have a vague idea of ​​what it could be.

And when, three years after recording, mixing, and more mixing, developing the artwork, all this nonsense, then you stand on stage, and what you came up with then really works, when you manage to get 20 thousand people to raise their hands, then you experience incredible sensations."

• “Art is a kind of therapy.

When I feel that something is arising inside me, domineering and is most often dark, I need to give it a way out, otherwise it will simply crush me. So destruction and self-destruction are the two pillars on which my creativity is based.

But everyone chooses this for himself.

• “My lyrics arise from feelings and dreams, but still more from pain than by desire. I often have nightmares, and I wake up at night sweating, as I see terrible bloody scenes in my dreams. My lyrics are a kind of valve for the lava of feelings in my soul.

We are all struggling to hide behind good manners and outward decency, but in fact we are governed by instincts and feelings: hunger, thirst, horror, hatred, the desire for power and sex. Of course, there is also additional energy in us - this is love. Without it, all human feelings would fade away."

- "When you're constantly living someone else's life, it's very hard to get back into your own skin. I like that in principle, but sometimes you start to get confused - are you out of a role or not yet. You're already Till, or you're still a homicidal maniac."

- "I hate the noise. I hate the chatter. I expose myself to it, which is pure masochism. And then I have to protect myself from it. Noise makes you crazy. You die in it."

• “I think there is no God. And if he is and actually allows all the misfortunes on this earth, then he must punish me along with other sufferings. I will not pray to such a god."

This is how the members of Rammstein see Till - flexible and with a split personality:

Guitarist Paul Landers: "Till is so good that when you let him know that his lyrics should go in a different direction, the very next day he brings a new version of the song."

Guitarist Richard Kruspe: “He's a hell of an extreme man. He dives very deeply into situations where I cannot follow him. Everything he does is very extreme; I don't know anyone who does it. "

Drummer Christoph Schneider: "I would not want to be in Till's shoes: his soul is tormented by doubts and contradictions, he is equally a moralist and a monster."

June 1, 2021 - Translate by Lindemann Belgium

[takaraphoenix]

spuffy for the ask game since you have a spuffy story coming up on your schedule?

Yes, yes I do! And sure can do! ^-^

I love Spuffy. It has been one of my absolute favorite ships from all fandoms for many years, but ever since I also read the comic continuation, I gotta say, Spuffy is the favorite ship. The most beloved of all ships I've ever sailed.

They are the embodiment of hero/villain enemies turned lovers.

And they have my favorite m/f dynamic; he's full of snark and bastard energy, but oh is he soft for her.

And they also have that thing that makes me love ships the most; it's a ship between my two favorite characters from that franchise. If a ship unites my two faves, it just instantly gains more of my love, because it means I get them both, at the same time, happy, with each other.

I love the way their dynamic slowly changes over the seasons.

I have a soft spot for early bastard secondary villain Spike, he is hilarious and Buffy's annoyance with him is delightful.

And then he has his literal oh moment of realizing he's into Buffy and he doesn't know how to handle it and he handles it in the whackiest, weirdest way possible. I mean, role playing with Harm? Having Warren build a sex bot? The incredibly awkard stalking?

But things get more serious and less of a comic relief "look at that poor bastard" when Spike becomes one of the people Buffy trusts. One of the people she trusts the most, I'd say, considering she leaves her mother and her sister with him, repeatedly.

Season 5 is such a good Spuffy season in that Spike becomes a Scooby by sheer force of will. Somewhere in my mind still lives an alternate spin where the Scoobies do escape Glory in their RV and just... have a merry roadtrip with each other.

And sure, it's easy to dismiss Spike - easy for Buffy and the other characters. Because he's a vampire, and not a fancy one with a soul like Angel. He might lust for Buffy, but it can't be love, right.

But, and that's what makes me love this ship so much, it is love, even without a soul. (It's also what makes me love Spike so much, because he is such a complex character with so much growth who was already so much more than just a vampire even without his soul.)

Him bringing flowers after Joyce died, not to somehow score points with Buffy, but because he genuinely liked Joyce and they had genuinely bonded with each other. Because he mourns, even without a soul.

And, the biggest evidence as to him genuinely loving her - he stays, when Buffy dies.

If it were all misplaces lust that he blows out of proportion, he wouldn't have stayed. Buffy was dead and since Willow, Tara and Xander didn't tell him about wanting to resurrect her, he had no reason to stay, no reason to believe she would ever be back.

But he stayed in Sunnydale. And not just to mourn and get drunked and fucked up, the way he did when Dru dumped him.

He was a Scooby. For months, he worked with them to protect Sunnydale, to fight demons, to help raise Dawn. He took on so much responsibility and for the first time truly became a hero, a good guy. He fought for the good cause, not to impress Buffy and score points with her, not out of any misplaced reasons. Solely because she was gone and he wanted to honor her legacy, he wanted to do what she would do if she were still there, he wanted to protect those she had died to protect.

I have a very complicated relationship to season 6's Spuffy. It's very self-destructive, on both parts. She's only using him, he becomes her bad coping mechanism with being brought back to life. And he knows that, but he can't stay away. Personally, I think all of Seeing Red was a huge mistake and especially after the build-up of what they had Spike do for Buffy so far without a soul, it... it felt like a whole different writer with entirely different ideas just grabbed the script and hijacked it at that point, to be quite frank. I do think that at that point in how Spike's character was established, it was OoC. Even if you try to argue that their relationship had already been a mess of mixed signals, with "I hate you, you disgust me" being followed by mindblowing sex, I still think that this was pushing things too far.

But it brought us Spike going to get his soul, so I digress.

And then comes season 7 and season 7 is just peak Spuffy. Season 7 is my happy place. Gods. The way Buffy cares for him, the way she protects him, from the others, from the First, from himself. The way she stands up for him. How she keeps choosing him.

The way they banter and raise "the children" together once he feels better.

And when everyone in an act of being incredibly, impossibly, forcibly OoC just turns their back on Buffy and also stabs hers, repeatedly, he is still there. He tells them off the way I was yelling at my screen too and then he found her and comforted her and simply held her.

And then he died. Not for her, but because he actually was a hero. And it wrecked me. (The best thing AtS ever did was bring Spike back to live, imo.)

Let's skip season 8 to the end, where he comes in as the knight in shining armor, having done his research on how to stop the apocalypse unfolding once again and how, even though she had just hooked up with Angel, she immediately starts fantasizing about Spike as soon as he's in the room? I swear, season 8 is a freaking mess.

But season 9... really hurts. That she'd come to him, of all the people she knows and loves, she comes to him when she doesn't know how to keep going, when she considers running away and raising a child, being a family. He is the person she thinks about. And he is the person she comes to for back-up when she decides to have an abortion. Whether she goes to a happy place or a dark place, in both scenarios she chose him over everyone else, to have him at her side.

And season 10 finally gives us the canon romantic relationship between them. Finally, they actually get together and it is so good. The way they communicate with each other, the way she reassures him that she chose him and no one's going to come between them, tells him that he is a good man and also finds for herself that she is not just happy in this relationship, she also finds that she loves herself more, she likes the person she is when she is with him (she literally says that).

Buffy has a freaking mind-journey, traveling into Spike's mind and seeing and feeling just how much he loves her, how regardless of what else is going on, he loves her.

They are... They are everything I always dreamed they could be in a real relationship - they have their problems, but they talk them through, they reassure and support each other, they're domestic and cute, they make each other better, not by changing the other but by supporting the other and giving each other the chance to be their best self.

When they actually are in a real relationship, neither of them is jealous. And both have shown in the past to be prone to jealousy. But when Buffy tells Spike that Angel is her past and that he is her present, he accepts that and he doesn't feel the need to be a jackass around Angel. And when Spike tells Buffy about his could-have-been Dylan, Buffy doesn't get jealous over her, no, she decides they should go to Dylan's art-show and she gets along splendidly with her.

Season 11 is an overall rough ride, I mean, they are literally locked inside an internment camp for nearly the whole season. But the Spuffy keeps you going, because they are so strong together, they make this work, together.

The season ends with them kissing, with Buffy saying "I love you" for the very first time and all Scoobies being together and it's... the picture-perfect ending to Buffy the Vampire Slayer that I could have ever imagined.

(There is no season 12 in my mind. That was Fray-centric garbage that did a disservice to Buffy as a character.)

Send me a ship and I will explain why I do or don't ship it

[ace-trainer-risu]

oh here! i’ll come ask you for book recs lol. do you have any spooky and/or autumn-y book recs? or just your fave books :)

First of all, I'm sorry this took me SO long to answer. I want to say I've been busy but it's just been general [waves hand vaguely] life.

ANYWAY thank you for asking! I actually don't read scary stuff a lot b/c I'm a wimp, but I have a few spooky/autumnal books up my sleeves! Let's see what we've got!!

1) The Little Stranger by Sarah Waters

Let me just start by saying that Sarah Waters is one of my absolute favorite authors ever! All her novels are suspenseful, twisty historical novels with great female and queer characters. Although, fair warning, actually The Little Stranger is like her one novel that isn't queer, but it is VERY good. If you read The Little Stranger and like it, please read Fingersmith and/or The Paying Guests.

The Little Stranger is set in the countryside of post-WWII England and follows a mild-mannered doctor as he becomes increasingly involved in the lives of the family living in the local, increasingly decrepit, possibly haunted mansion. Think Downton Abbey but creepy. Strange things keep happening inside the house, from dog bites to mysterious sounds to creepy black spots. Literally just typing that gave me goosebumps. It seems like someone may be out to get the family, but who...or what? Is it simply the ghosts of their own painful memories, or is something more? Sarah Waters is excellent at lush, intricate historical detail, and she leans into that here to create an atmosphere of slowly building dread and horror and mystery.

That being said, as a person who isn't normally a fan of horror, I don't think this book is too scary. It's more of an atmospheric, psychological horror than a jump-scare, bloody horror. It's not a book that will give you nightmares (probably), but you might lie awake thinking about it.

Also. Pro-tip. As a haunted(?) house story, the house is obviously fairly central to the story. Dear fellow Americans, keep in mind that the British refer to the floors of a building differently than us. For Americans, the ground-level floor is called the first floor, the floor above that the second floor, etc. For the British, the ground-level floor is the ground floor, and the floor above that is the first floor, etc. There's all sorts of creepy references to characters hearing noises above them on the first floor, but I was just like, Why are they always in the basement?

2) Mexican Gothic by Silvia Moreno Garcia

This and the above are two very different books, and yet they are both set in the mid-1900s and both are about weird, creepy, maybe-haunted houses. What can I say, I like gothic fiction.

After our heroine, Noemi, receives a bizarre, borderline incoherent letter from her beloved cousin, she sets out to visit her in the literally decaying mansion she resides in with her husband and his new family deep in the countryside of Mexico. All Noemi wants to do is persuade her cousin to come back home with her, but her cousin's new in-laws are very determined not to let that happen...or to let Noemi leave either. Secrets abound in the bizarre house and even creepier nearby cemetery, and soon Noemi finds that she too is suffering from bizarre dreams and visions...although, are they just dreams?

This book is so weird, but in such a good way? I read it for a book club and every week we had increasingly bizarre theories about what was going on, we were googling alchemy and fungi and St George, and some of our theories were even right. Although definitely not all. Another very twisty one that keeps you guessing.

In terms of scariness, interestingly I think there's more overtly creepy and horrifying moments in this novel than The Little Stranger, but I found TLS more overall scary? But that may be because I read it quickly, which I think is the ideal setting for suspenseful stuff, and I read Mexican Gothic over a longer amount of time since it was for a book club. This one does have some more typical horror elements to it, but I don't think it's more creepy than terrifying.

3) The Echo Wife by Sarah Gailey

I listened to this one as an audiobook and the audiobook is excellent so would recommend that, but have no doubt it would also be great to physically read.

Oh my god this book...it's more thriller than horror, but I think it fits the brief. There were multiple moments listening to this book that I literally gasped or said "OH MY GOD!" out loud, and there are moments which are very creepy and horrifying. There's a particular scene in the backyard... Again, incredibly suspenseful and twisty. And the character development and character psychology is just! really really good! There's also really interesting and knotty feminist stuff which is a lot more complicated and nasty than some of the "girlboss" stuff which is popular right now.

Super minimal summary: All you really need to know is that it is a sci fi novel about a scientific researcher trying to pick up her life after her marriage has imploded, only for everything to go BATSHIT WRONG. Trust me, that's all you need to know, it's better to go into this not knowing what's going to happen or what to expect. I had no clue what this novel was about when I started it, and holy shit. Very good book, absolutely recommend this if you want some super suspenseful, creepy sci fi that will make you say "oh my GOD" repeatedly.

Okay, shifting gears a little now b/c autumn isn't just spooky, it's also cozy and restful and daydreamy!

4) The Thinking Woman's Guide to Real Magic by Emily Croy Barker

This isn't maybe a cozy book per se, but it's a great book to cuddle down with on a dreary day and lose yourself in. If you've ever asked yourself, "What would it be like if you crossed Pride and Prejudice with Howl's Moving Castle except the wizard was way worse but somehow still sexy" - then you should read this book! I actually came across this book b/c I was like, I wanna read a book that's a portal fantasy but for adults, and this book was like OH here's everything you wanted.

It's about a grad student, Nora, who has totally stalled out on her dissertation and is at a shitty wedding when she accidentally wanders through a portal into a beautiful, fantastical fairy world. At first, everything is amazing and literally perfect...but surprise surprise, not all as is it seems, and soon everything goes to, how should I put it, shit. Nora escapes, but rather than returning home, she finds herself trapped in a far more dreary realm. But not one without it's own charms and it's own magic, and Nora finds herself the student-slash-sorta-captive of the crochety, sexy, maybe-killed-his-wife magician Aruendiel* and she begins to learn magic herself.

Unlike the above books, this is not a fast-paced, twisty book, and I think if you go into this expecting high fantasy along the lines of Game of Thrones, you may be disappointed. It's not really a typical high-fantasy novel, it's more of a cross of an 18th/19th century realist novel, a fairy tale, and a fantasy novel. But if you want that, then it's REALLY good! I loved this book! And the magic in it is so cool, something about the way its described feels so visceral and real and like you could really do it if you just tried hard enough. There is a romance and it's totally, intentionally hashtag problematic, but it's very laid back, very slow burn, so I think even if you aren't a person who digs romance you can still enjoy this. If you're looking for a feminist-leaning fantasy novel that you can just sink into and lose yourself in, this is the perfect book. You will long to magically fix broken plates.

5) The Ruthless Lady's Guide to Wizardry by C.M. Waggoner

Honestly I can't even justify why I think this one is an autumn book. It simply is. It's autumn colored in my head. It is the coziest book I have ever read about necromancy and crime. Also I just want to recommend it. This is another one that I listened to as an audiobook and it's also a good audiobook, for those who are interested. But it also means I will not be able to spell absolutely any of the character's names.

This novel follows Delly, an enterprising young scoundrel of a fire witch with a teeny tiny gin habit as she attempts to support herself and her hot-mess of a mom in the roughest neighborhoods of Fantasy-City-That-I-Can't-Remember-The-Name-Of. Lice...gate? When Delly comes across an advertisement for a bodyguarding job for young women for a hefty fee, it seems like the answer to definitely not all but at least some of her problems. She accepts, along with an interesting assortment of other sorcerous young ladies, including a wonderfully bitchy Absentia (my love), a young woman who can turn into a boar, boar girl's necromancer mother, and the very sexy part-troll Winn, who in my imagination looks like Gwendoline Christie and talks like Miranda Hart. Which. Perfect woman. Winn being a fine, wealthy young lady, Delly can't help but think to herself that it wouldn't be such a bad thing if Winn happened to fall in love with her and carried her off to be rich and spoiled the rest of her life.

Of course, things quickly don't go to plan, and soon Delly and her companions find herself caught up in wicked schemes of murder, drugs, and an undead mouse named Buttons who says BONG. I love Buttons SO MUCH.

This book is just a silly romp of a novel which worms into your heart and your brain. It's fun and cute and gay, and also it made me cry. I haven't stopped thinking, "Not quite regulation hammerball" since I listened to it like half a year ago.

Also, while I'm here, this novel is set in the same world as and features a few of the same characters as Unnatural Magic. Which is also a hell of a book. Literally the best bisexual relationship I have ever fuckin read. It's a winter book tho, so I simply can't go into it here.

Aaaaand...that it's! Happy autumnal reading :)

[unmaskedagain]

Demon princess

Yesterday someone asked me what anime show I liked. And it got me to realizing that while I like quite a few anime shows; I never did a crossover for with Ladybug. So I got thinking which anime I should use. My first instinct was Sailor Moon; first anime I ever loved. Hell first show I ever loved, I started watching it when I was four-years-old (I have older sisters). Then I briefly considered Death Note. Maybe a pairing with Marinette/light. It didn’t work out my head. Finally it hit me… And then it completely got away from me. Reminding me why I don’t fuck with anime when it comes to fan fiction. Not my best work but its was a neat idea.

             When her mom told her that her grandfather and her great uncle was coming to town; Marinette panicked. In fact, she had a full blown panic attack. There was no way she was going to get out of this.

           Her mother didn’t speak too much to her father. They had a complicated relationship. Sabine had grown up in China with her mother, while her father resided near Japan, having been born and raised there, in a small country he ruled as king. Only demons resided there.

He had been a cold, stoic man with little interests in the affairs of humans. He certainly didn’t understand why his beloved daughter chose to be around them. However, he had been outright furious when he discovered Sabine had eloped with one and ran off to France. They didn’t speak for almost a decade.

           The silence was only broken when Sabine told her Uncle that she was expecting a child. And half-human or not, Sesshōmaru would be there to welcome his grandchild into the pack. Inuyasha had tagged along to keep an eye on his older brother. Though the older Inu Daiyōkai may have become more tolerable of humans but that didn’t mean he didn’t still have few nasty streaks. Honestly, Inuyasha didn’t trust his brother not to just slaughter Tom Dupain as soon as he met him. The demon lord turned King would have to deal with the unfortunate tales of the Princess who ran off with the Baker; as if it was some foolish romantic tale.

           Somehow, Sesshōmaru remained perfectly polite if more than just a bit standoffish. He outright glared at times. However, he remained in France for months while he waited for his grandchild to be born. Subtly hinting to his daughter, that it would be better to raise the pup among their own kind.

           Then little Marinette Kagura Dupain-Cheng with blue locks, slanted bluer eyes, pointed ears, two magenta stripes on each cheek, and a magenta stripe on each eyelid, and a purple crescent moon on her forehead identical to the one her grandfather had. The baby girl was clearly a demon, a half-demon, but a demon nonetheless.

           The moment Sesshōmaru held his grandchild, he was hers, “She is strong, and will only grow more powerful,” He told his exhausted offspring. “You did well daughter.”

“It takes two to tango,” Tom laughed.

           Inuyasha just shook his head, “You’re not dead. Don’t push this.”

           Over the next few years, Marinette spent most of her childhood split between her parents’ and her grandfather’s palace. Thanks to Shippo’s magic, it was only a portal away. She spent a lot of her summers there too. It was different when Marinette stayed with her Grandfather. She was different.

           For starters, she was a princess and was expected to behave like one. She was a daiyōkai and was expected to act like; keep her emotions controlled and her word precise. When she was five-years-old, her grandfather presented her with two swords made from two of his fangs as a birthday present because, yeah, that was a thing demons did. One sword healed, the other destroyed. Though both swords were the same size; sword that destroyed had been too heavy for her to properly wield. She had to work for years to properly know how to use it. It was powerful and could slaughter a dozen foes with a swing. The sword that healed had seemed rather useless in comparison. It took her years to understand it was, by its very nature, the more powerful of the two.

           When she wasn’t training, she was learning to rule. Demons lived a long life but things happened. It was best to be prepared.

           It was at her Uncle’s insistence that Marinette, just recently turned six, be introduced to playmates of her own age. That was when Marinette learned something; everyone in the palace was employed by her grandfather. In addition, they were all lower demons subject to his rule and of any royal standing.

           The demons with royal standing, children who Inuyasha said were Marinette’s equals, to which Sesshomaru pointed out his granddaughter had to equal, behaved different.

           The kids were haughty, arrogant, and sometimes mean for the sake of being mean to anyone of lesser standing in the demon world.

           The first was the son of Prince Koga, a wolf demon and a minor prince who kept his title because of tradition alone; his name was Hyōga. Prince Hyōga, was older than Marinette by a year, with auburn hair and red eyes, and had eyed the smaller girl with interest.

“Heard your father’s a human,” He said the word as if it taste foul on his tongue.

           In the background, Koga face palmed. In youngest son would get their entire pack killed. Inuyasha glared at his old friend; plotting his death.

“Yes,” Marinette said. “I heard you were name after a giant moth.”

           Hyōga sputtered, “What do you know? You’re just a girl!”

“Don’t make me the bug spray.”

           It was the start of a rather tense friendship; similar to the one Koga and Inuyasha had centuries ago.

           The second was a dragon demon named Kagami; an emotionless girl whose bloodline once rivaled Marinette’s. Marinette had tried to be nice, fearing her uncle world bring the wolf prince back, but Kagami didn’t warm up to her attempts. Finally, Marinette noticed Kagami attention to Marinette’s sword. So she led the other girl to training yard, threw her sword, and said, “I win, we have tea-party. You win, I’ll show you grandfather’s war room.” Then the battle was on. Every time, Kagami would visit, they’d have another duel to see what they did for the day. Both families were pleased at this.

           The next was an ice demon from England; a prissy, blond, name Magnolia who was two years older and, who Marinette knew, only tolerated Marinette’s unladylike behavior because she was a princess.

Then there was the playmate that actually required Marinette to leave the palace and venture to Japan. This meant that she had to hide her demon features like she did when she was in public in Paris.

The boy’s name was Izumo, a decedent of Sango, a legendary demon slayer and Inuyasha’s friend. He was very serious, older than Marinette by four years, and seemed to take it as a personal insult a six-year-old, even a demon one, could best him in a fight. Marinette just wondered exactly what her uncle thought “close in age” meant.

However, her favorite playmates turned out to be Shippo’s grandchildren; both half-human. They both lived in France. One was her age, named Juleka, and the other an older boy named Luka.

As Marinette got older and her visits to her grandfather’s decreased to twice a month during the school year and every summer. Her grandfather was under the belief that Marinette went to a school with other demons, and while technically that was true; there were almost two dozen others demons, it was primarily a human school. Strike one. Her grandfather would only be mildly annoyed.

Kwami and the miraculous, both banned from her grandfather’s kingdom, was active in Paris. The banning of the little gods happened after the destruction of the greatest creation Shikon no Tama. A little marble that nearly ended the world and caused great pain for Inuyasha and his friends for years. After they left, no one knew what had happened to Kwami. As long as they never made another jewel, no one wanted to know.

Except they did make another jewel; earrings, a ring, a bangle, a hair comb, a broach, and so many different objects. Two of which had the power that rival the form Shikon Jewel.

Marinette never told her grandfather that the Kwami and resurfaced and apparently didn’t learn their lesson the first time around. Strike two. Her grandfather just went from annoyed to beyond angry.

Finally, Marinette decided to follow in her Uncle’s footsteps, band together a ragtag group, to stop a dark villain hell-bent on united the two most power Miraculous for gods’ know what reason. And she actively dresses up as superhero to defend the lives of humans. It was why she always wore her hair down around the older demons. Strike Three. Grandfather’s snarly mad with blood red eyes, ready to kill. And Marinette? Marinette is so out its not even funny.

When Sesshōmaru arrived in Paris, Inuyasha on his right, he immediately sensed great power. An ancient power. When he arrived at the bakery, his daughter and granddaughter and the man they lived with (“Oh for hell’s sake, His name is Tom,” Inuyasha snapped. “Sabine’s husband. Marinette’s father.”), he raised an eyebrow at the power radiating from the place, stalked right passed his the three, up to his granddaughter’s room, if it could be called that. Marinette right on his tail.

The room looked normal at first, if far too small. However, it took the demon king five seconds to locate the source of power.

He held up the squirming Kwami between his claws, “Explain, now!” Sesshomaru ordered. His eyes flashed red.

Inuyasha looked at the red creature, Tikki, he remembered was the goddess of creation’s name. His claws extended at the memory of all he had been put through and all he had lost because Plagg and Tikki decided to create something that should’ve never existed in the first place.

Sabine and Tom looked confused. Sabine knew what the creature was, had seen pictures of it, but it was centuries before her time. She always assumed the power that radiated came from Marinette.

Marinette glanced down for a moment before steeling herself, and looking up at her grandfather with a proud raised head. She tucked her hair behind her ear and revealed her jewelry.

All hell broke loose.

“AGAIN!” Inuyasha roared, going full demon mode.

“My grandchild,” Sesshomaru snarled at the being, who looked rather petulant, “You dare!”

           Inuyasha’s fist went through a wall, “You don’t learn your lessons well, do ya?” He asked Tikki.

“The world needs heroes,” Tikki crossed her arms.

           Marinette stepped forward, “It was my choice. There’s a villain that holds another jewel, he must be stopped before he destroys us all.”

“Another Naruku,” Sesshomaru hissed.

“No,” Marinette denied. “He’s human. I fought him before. I know that much. The miraculous hide his overall scent but he bleeds like anyone else. And his is human.”

           Inuyasha turned red eyes to his niece, “And then this will be quick.”

[chanyeolyh]

aight i’m gonna have to request that none of you look really hard at this account because it is -75% finished and it’s ugly and that’s just not my aesthetic, i swear. i’m stella and i am always late for everything and if you cannot accept that as who i am then... honestly i understand i'm tired of my shit, too. i'm bring this charismatic asshole, chanyeol, to everyone. he's difficult and it's okay if you want to fight him, i understand. message me or like this if you want to plot and i'll come knocking at your inbox door!

* — ⌜ kang1, yoon jeonghan ⌟  ↝  has anyone else seen the kang heir walking around the hill lately ? their name is CHANYEOL and they are the kang’s oldest child. they’re twenty-four and currently a graduate student and paralegal, making their parents proud, i would hope. i heard they can be very playful but lately they’ve been quite manipulative. don’t tell anyone, but someone told me he’s just like his mother. i wonder if that’s true ?

trigger warning: mention of death

∽ to be quite honest chanyeol is the time to taunt you while your parents aren’t looking and get you in trouble while smirking and sticking his tongue out behind your parents back. he’s that bad kid that parents love and compare their children to. doesn’t really really have a reason for being two-faced. blame it on his mother, after all he learnt from the most two-faced person of all. ∽ grew up with a great father (who was kinda absent in his life??? usually busy??? but chanyeol loved his dad and understood) and a not so great mother who crushed him under her expectations. kinda feel like he had it worse growing up, because at first he was the shining star and then after his younger sibling was born, he was deemed a disappointment and the other sibling was promoted for shining star. chanyeol understands. he was better and naturally talented. chanyeol was the type who had to work hard to be acknowledged. thought he’d love no longer being under his mother’s thumb, but turns out he’s a normal kid and still craved his momma’s love and attention. ∽ surprisingly, and probably to his mother’s disappointment, he’s never hated or envied any of his siblings??? even if he was no longer the favorite and his mother had pretty much written him off as “no longer the best”, he freakin’ loves his little buddies and honestly views them as the best things that happened to him??? give him big brother of the year award, will 100% kill for his siblings. ∽ do not get him wrong, he knows just how twisted he can be and is… he hates being compared to his mother, but he’s more like her than he’d ever care to admit, and he blamed her for trying to mold him into a mini her. literally was told that no one in the world mattered except himself, and people were obstacles he had to climb over and use. ∽ does his best to make sure his siblings do not end up like himself or his mother because his own dynamic is toxic and bad and being a manipulative son of a bitch is the last thing he’d want them to be. a little hypocritical because he will adamantly insist they not do something and then turn around and do it himself, but he’s already tainted so he doesn’t see it as a big deal. ∽ siblings can do no wrong in his eyes??? don’t talk bad about him or he’ll make your life hell. king of spreading rumors, but usually has a good reason as to why he’s spreading them… for furthering his own goals or revenge. yep. good fantastic reasons. ∽ the death of his father kinda made him worse??? his father was always telling him not to do this, to consider other people, etc. but he doesn’t have that influence any more and his mom??? she plays so dirty??? silently at war with her, but damn do they look like a perfect mother - son out in the public eye. his mother was probably indifferent toward him at first, however since he’s been snooping around she’s also trying to bring him down. unfortunately for her, he’s a better snake than she is. ∽ the local polite thinks he’s a bad son, however, because he straight up accused her of doing something fishy but all they saw was a heartbroken woman sobbing loudly about losing her husband. they were old and quick to jump to a damsel’s defense, so the case is closed but he’ll pry it back open with his teeth if that’s what it takes. ∽ was going to pursue a career in music (in fact graduate with a degree in music), however now he’s interested in law. doesn’t plan to be a prosecutor, however being a paralegal has its perks and he’s learnt a lot. working to become a private investigator because as long as he doesn’t get caught, he can be as dirty as he wants. ∽ has his own place, but depending on where his siblings are located (if they also live alone/with him/with their mother), he often stays at the family home to be closer to his siblings. might be a dad bit paranoid something might happen to them. but behind closed doors, his mother has begun to threaten him and the easiest way to attack would be his beloved siblings. doesn’t have a fear that their lives are in danger, but wouldn’t put it past her to try and turn them against him??? ∽ actually really likes investigating things and the prosecutor he’s a paralegal for really let’s him be hands on so he’s learnt what he can’t do, what he can do and what he can’t do but can so long as he doesn’t get caught. ∽ honestly, chanyeol is a snarky and sarcastic guy, but it’s not hard for him to make friends either??? somehow charming and affable, but it’s really hard to know whether or not to take him seriously??? also have to be mad careful what you say around him, he's very interested in drama and he will spread things around if it benefits him or he simply does not like you. :) ∽ naturally flirtatious but 95% of the time he’s just trying to have fun and doesn’t really mean anything. noncommittal af. has had maybe one or two serious relationships and in those he either broke someone’s heart or someone broke his. and yet his bedroom is a revolving door so. honestly hooks up with people as a stress reliever but at least he’s up front about it, if you catch feelings it’s not on him; he’s surprisingly against leading someone he’s sleeping with on. unfortunately, he is not against leading someone he's not sleeping with on. ∽ surprisingly playful??? likes laughing at others??? really likes riling others up, if you give him a good reaction you’re just gonna be a target for him. usually not malicious, it’s just entertaining for him. ∽ veryveryvery private. he’ll ask a hundred questions about your personal life, but his lips are sealed in regards his. cryptic af and also very flippant??? his mind can change on a dime??? ∽ confrontational??? kinda??? but more as a source of entertainment… he’s got issues. ∽ very fake. very much a chameleon in that he changes colors to fit any situation. a pathological liar, kinda??? lies a lot. ∽ kinda just a bad guy. but it’s because he has hard time opening up to others and being vulnerable??? his mom really messed him up so he’s a less put together version of her. less lethal as well, as in he’s actually capable of loving and caring about others. 

give me enemies. people who can't stand him and people he can't stand. did he start a rumor about your muse? can't stand his fake persona? someone who got in trouble as a kid or teenager? couldn't stand your parents constantly compared you to saint chanyeol? maybe he's jealous of your muse for some reason? called him out on his mommy issues and struck a nerve so now he's trying to get back at you?

give me an ex best friend who everyone was like, "if you see one, the other isn't too far behind" and then one year they were at each others throats??? why??? what happened??? no one knows, but everyone knows it had to be big.

there's a rumor going around that you're dating. ironic because the two don't even get along??? but he loves getting under your skin so he's feeding the flames and subtly suggesting that the rumor isn't baseless.

need a convincing fake boyfriend??? chanyeol volunteers for tribute, but you owe him one. :)

a best friend or two??? "chanyeol your a son of a bitch, but that's okay", you can see past the grime and know he has a heart of... well, not gold, but it's shiny! that bestie who goes out and gets drunk with him and listens to him wax poetic about his piano. probably one of few who know he actually really did love the piano.

someone who thinks he's crazy for quietly investigating his own mother??? probably doesn't have all the details on his family life, and because you're taking such a "noble" approach he can't stand you. 

general friends??? ride or dies??? partner's in crime??? friends only when drunk, anything but when sober??? soft friends he must protect??? a squad of manipulative assholes???

he doesn't do relationships and that's probably because you broke his heart. :(

absolutely no one is surprised he broke your heart, everyone told you he was bad news but you didn't listen. what happened??? do feelings linger??? or just bitterness??? does he feel bad or not???

friends with benefits. no strings attached so it's all cool. or maybe you're getting attached??? or, what the hell, he's getting attached???

you two fist fought once. and you'll do it again.

someone who wants to help him with his investigation??? honestly, he might show it, but it'd mean so much to him.

aspiring pianist or just a curious hobbyist who is bugging him to help them learn how to play??? for some reason, he just can't say no.

someone very unlikely that he has a crush on??? no one would guess he'd ever fall for this person and even he's super confused??? 

people with cute, innocent crushes on him. he'll either think it's really cute or he's about to tease the hell out of you if he finds out.

an ex, but it's complicated??? they keep coming back to each other and then swear it won't happen again. 

a childhood friend who misses the sweet boy he used to be??? chan's very uncomfortable around them because they remind him of a better version of himself and he doesn't think he can ever go back to that.

need a rumor spread about someone??? go to chan. i will literally have him spread it in threads.

rivals!!! for any reason. 

a good influence that is soft and nice to him and brings out his sincere smiles!!!

you dislike one of his siblings and he's just Not about that??? or maybe he likes you but you hate his sibling(s) so he's conflicted??? to be friends or not to be???

idk really anything

i'll make a sexy list of sexily written plots when i get this mess of a blog under control

i'll also do a stats and bio pages

forgive me i am slow and lazy

[emekaemy]

I used to look down on Mikasa Eren shippers, as I found the ship so cliche and sister brotherly. But strangely, it was this infamous chapter, 112 which made me rethink about their relationship. This chapter has showed that their supposedly sibling-like (?) relationship is more complicated than it seems.

The emotional density of Eren's speech in 112 made me doubt about him seeing Mikasa as a sister. Whether the feelings are positive or negative- I believe a person can not hold those strong feelings towards someone in his sister's position. During the talk, Eren seemed to experience too much tension to be platonic. This way of talk can be adressed to an ex- girlfriend when you know she has feelings for you but somehow she hurt you and you want her to be hurt as well. Because you know that she loves you and she will be hurt.

If Eren really thought that their relationship was only the Ackerbond, he wouldn't tell all these to break her heart. And Mikasa wouldn't be deeply hurt. He well knows that what Mikasa feels for him is more than a robotic tie and she is a young lady who has feelings for him. Eren sure knows this.

Especially one part of 112 drew my attention:

Mikasa: It was all because of you Eren. You saved my life and put this scarf around me-

Eren: I TOLD you to put your hands on the table!!

I think her sentence about the SCARF hit the very soft spot of Eren, her talk was getting too intense for him to handle the situation, he was scared of showing emotion and changed the talk about their memories by cutting her off harshly. I think the harshness of his reaction to Mikasa's sentence gives him away. (Please read ch 121, Eren's fragility while he's watching the scarf memory.)

His hate confrontation was quite passionate. To me, Eren had never looked like some rude opposite gender as he did in chapter 112. I thought I was not reading a seinen, it looked like a scene from a different genre of manga.

It's possible that after Mikasa's almost kiss&confession, Eren's puberty started (LOL) and it could be the very first moment he saw her in a newlight. But later on he was shocked and disappointed because of the Ackerman past. So, his intention was to break her heart as a revenge. (Some say he was just acting in order to break the Ackerman curse but nobody can act that well and Eren was overwhelmed with emotion, he was glaring!) Still, deep inside, he's aware that Mikasa loves him. There's no way Eren forgot what happened between him and Mikasa in ch 50, Dina Fritz scene.

During his absence, though his mind was busy, Eren still must have contemplated on Mikasa and the nature of his relationship with Mikasa.

We don't know if he will show his real motive and apologize, or he is just telling the truth. We know nothing yet. But the moment itself appeared to me that Eren has (or one time had) feelings for Mikasa. The dialogue didn't seem to me like two siblings' bickering. This chapter is the turning point (though it consists of insult and supposedly negative feelings) where I perceived Eren a male and Mikasa as female. (I know this may sound weird.)

They grew up together as play friends (age 9–10) and after the Colossus they bonded for 6 years. Although they had been bickering and bitter sweet there hadn't occured any big change in their relationship for many years. Except ch 50, It had been stable. (Their fans were frustrated because not much happened in 3 seasons yet, they were too young: 9–15 years old, two orphans, especially Eren with PTSD - too immature to feel that way) So I claim that there had to be a huge earthquake moment between them. (Sadly, not leading to a positive way, instead, to a seemingly negative direction for their shippers)

We can be sure that chapter 112 won't be their final interaction. Even if Eren's harshness may continue for a while, they need to face with each other more openly, before Eren dies. (Hopefully he doesn't)

Nobody who can feel wants such a terrible goodbye to the girl he cared.

If this notorious moment is explained and solved in a good way, I have a hunch that their relationship won't be the same. In other words, their bond may deepen into another aspect. Only something reversely positive and heavier can change this, that red scarf has to be rewrapped around her neck by the same person, if you know what I mean. But I'm really curious how Eren will react to the absence of the scarf when they come face to face, if they ever make up.

The- hate you - moment may lead to a change of their long time undefined relationship. They seem to have entered into a different path. In season 4 (and in the flashbacks where Mikasa learns she is royal and when in railway Eren is talking about whom to hand over his power) Eren really behaves like a young man and acts emotional about or around Mikasa. Especially the railway flashback: They stare at each other and blush! There is no need to mention what kind of emotions do cause blushing…

When season 4 is animated, adult Mikasa and Eren's chemistry will be even more distinguishable.

I like the chapter 107, when Historia laughs at Mikasa: Why did you show your wristband only to Eren? And Eren is almost sneering : So what? Eren must have felt that Historia is the embodiment of the audience shipping them. She may have looked like a giggling high school girl. He and Mikasa have given a big piece of gossip to her. Eren's amused expression continues even in the next panel.

Some people shipping Historia and Eren may think Eren is annoyed at Historia for pairing him with Mikasa. But I perceived it a funny moment where Eren was amused at the fact that because of a girly instinct, Historia knew there was something going on between him and Mikasa.

With the commotion in 112, the author has also created some material and reached to a path to make a drastic change in the relationship. I know he hates cliche romances, but with 112, their relationship is now far from being cliche. It has become rather complicated.

I'm almost glad to read 112. Though it was harsh, Eren and Mikasa had their moment. He is sure to have gained emotional depth. To feel something (love or hate) requires emotional depth. Between the ages of 9 - 15, Eren was neutral to all the girls in the series but only Mikasa, a caring, sibling-like figure, was different.

However, she is still different from other girls in his perspective: this time being the figure he supposedly hates, the figure whose heart he intentionally breaks. Gosh, these are very strong vibes, hinting to a reverse position in which his love could be very strong just the same.

In the 4th season when they are drawn side to side, one can feel the chemistry. Mikasa and Eren do not resemble to siblings anymore.

Their shippers must be devastated after 112. I, who despised the ship must admit that I'm now on the verge of shipping. I believe that we will be seeing the red scarf one more time. Its role hasn't finished yet. 

Besides, I can't imagine a situation in which Mikasa is in love with another guy and Eren is OK with this. He can not handle being the second important man in her life.

From the interviews, I get that the author respects Mikasa so much that he does not feel like setting her as the hero's girl. And this is one of the reasons he opened the way for her independence. But being independent doesn't necessarily mean abandoning your beloved ones.

Besides, If Mikasa was his love interest in the beginning, her character would be ruined. But the manga is coming to an end. So, if something gets real, it won't ruin Mikasa. Her character depth and her charisma have already been confirmed in many chapters.

They love each other very much. She is clearly shown to have romantic feelings for him. They are not siblings. So I believe, one day Eren will be more open to her and assuming he survives, they will be together.

From now on, we will have an independent young woman and a young man. He had already announced his independency, then she threw away her collar as a sign of her independency. Hopefully, we won't be seeing Mikasa protecting and sticking to him like a mother or an older sister.

I don't want to sound too optimistic. The title question is: does Eren have feelings for Mikasa? And my answer is yes, he does.

Unfortunately, they probably won't kiss or confess, contrary to how the shippers expect. I think it will only be implied to the reader that their feelings are more than platonic and it's all. This could be the best scenario. Still, one can not blame the shippers. It was the same author who created the characters, their bond and wrote their beautiful moments.

As a conclusion; the look on his face, especially his narrowed eyes in ch 121 show whatever Eren feels for Mikasa is rather strong.

Although the chapter showed his eyes generally large with wildness, in this image he is stuck between a sad smile and a cry.

Yes, he is overwhelmed with emotion, again. Whether he says he hates her or sees himself wrapping the scarf around her, he is overwhelmed. When our subject is Mikasa, he is just too overwhelmed with strong feelings.

Everybody says Eren went through so much character development and became very mature in the 4th season. Just the same, this Eren can feel deep love towards a young woman who has always been there when he needed. And her name probably starts with M.

[secretlyatargaryen]

I'm really, really tired of Tyrion haters getting up in arms about his thought about how Sansa's grief made her "more beautiful” like it’s somehow the worst thing in the world.

Y'all will be like "how dare this disabled man feel attraction, gross" and then use the quote on ten thousand queen Sansa gif sets.

fyi I’m talking about this quote:

Her hair was a rich autumn auburn, her eyes a deep Tully blue. Grief had given her a haunted, vulnerable look; if anything, it had only made her more beautiful.

I mean, yeah, the quote is an obvious example of Tyrion idealizing Sansa and he's thinking of her as less of a person here and more of what she represents to him, as a romantic ideal that is out of reach. Sansa is everything he wants but can't have and is told that he shouldn't want to have because of his disability, beautiful, high born - the fact that she is a hostage of the Lannisters only idealizes her more because it makes her unattainable. Of course this is problematic, but Tyrion knows this. He also knows he shouldn't feel this way and part of his policing of his own thoughts are about how horrible this situation is for her and he doesn't want to put her through any more suffering, and part of it is him thinking that he shouldn't feel this way because he's a dwarf and the internalized ableism he constantly puts himself through as a result of his own trauma. So when I see y'all be like "how dare he" I think about how Tyrion himself thinks of any romantic/sexual feelings he has (towards anyone) as inherently wrong because of his dwarfism.

I want her, he realized. I want Winterfell, yes, but I want her as well, child or woman or whatever she is. I want to comfort her. I want to hear her laugh. I want her to come to me willingly, to bring me her joys and her sorrows and her lust. His mouth twisted in a bitter smile. Yes, and I want to be tall as Jaime and as strong as Ser Gregor the Mountain too, for all the bloody good it does.

I mean, of course Tyrion idealizes women and especially tragic women. He grew up with a horribly abusive father and an absent mother who was constantly held up as a tragic ideal and whose death he was directly blamed for. I also suspect this is part of why he sees Sansa as someone who he both wishes he could save and feels responsible for. Which makes it really strange that people ignore all that in his pov and claim that Tyrion doesn’t understand or empathize with Sansa’s grief.

He had expected anguish and anger when he told her of her brother's death, but Sansa's face had remained so still that for a moment he feared she had not understood. It was only later, with a heavy oaken door between them, that he heard her sobbing. Tyrion had considered going to her then, to offer what comfort he could. No, he had to remind himself, she will not look for solace from a Lannister. The most he could do was to shield her from the uglier details of the Red Wedding as they came down from the Twins. Sansa did not need to hear how her brother's body had been hacked and mutilated, he decided; nor how her mother's corpse had been dumped naked into the Green Fork in a savage mockery of House Tully's funeral customs. The last thing the girl needed was more fodder for her nightmares.

It was not enough, though. He had wrapped his cloak around her shoulders and sworn to protect her, but that was as cruel a jape as the crown the Freys had placed atop the head of Robb Stark's direwolf after they'd sewn it onto his headless corpse. Sansa knew that as well. The way she looked at him, her stiffness when she climbed into their bed . . . when he was with her, never for an instant could he forget who he was, or what he was. No more than she did. She still went nightly to the godswood to pray, and Tyrion wondered if she were praying for his death. She had lost her home, her place in the world, and everyone she had ever loved or trusted. Winter is coming, warned the Stark words, and truly it had come for them with a vengeance. But it is high summer for House Lannister. So why am I so bloody cold?

Tyrion knows he can’t do anything for her and he knows he shouldn’t try and that he’s just imposing on her or making it worse. He also knows that he shouldn’t be feeling bad for the Starks because it’s technically treason and that complicates his feelings towards her as well.

Tyrion also relates to Sansa's sadness and allows her to feel and express her grief in a way that few other people in King's Landing do, perhaps because he relates to her as someone who also feels trapped by his family and who knows what it feels like to be helpless. 

"I . . ." Sansa did not know what to say. Is it a trick? Will he punish me if I tell the truth? She stared at the dwarf's brutal bulging brow, the hard black eye and the shrewd green one, the crooked teeth and wiry beard. "I only want to be loyal."

"Loyal," the dwarf mused, "and far from any Lannisters. I can scarce blame you for that. When I was your age, I wanted the same thing." He smiled.

Tyrion’s very first interaction with Sansa is him expressing validation of her feelings and her grief - that she’s constantly being forced to deny - and her feeling comfortable enough to actually trust him because he’s in a similar liminal space as her, being seen as a “traitor” to her family and having to act the part but a hostage of his.

His grin turned into something softer as he studied her face. "Is it grief for your lord father that makes you so sad?"

"My father was a traitor," Sansa said at once. "And my brother and lady mother are traitors as well." That reflex she had learned quickly. "I am loyal to my beloved Joffrey."

"No doubt. As loyal as a deer surrounded by wolves."

"Lions," she whispered, without thinking. She glanced about nervously, but there was no one close enough to hear. 

Lannister reached out and took her hand, and gave it a squeeze. "I am only a little lion, child, and I vow, I shall not savage you."

Of course, Sansa can't truly trust him and she thinks he's trying to trick her when he does validate her grief aloud, and it's understandable why she feels that way, and it becomes even worse once they’re forced into marriage together, and Tyrion understands this, too. He’s constantly self-flagellating about it. It’s hard to miss. (Unless of course you didn’t read Tyrion’s chapters, lol)

She was not eating, either. "Sansa, is aught amiss?" He spoke without thinking, and instantly felt the fool. All her kin are slaughtered and she's wed to me, and I wonder what's amiss.

But knowing that he can’t help her and that she’s not in a position to fulfill his own emotional needs doesn't stop him from wishing that he could get through to her because like, people have complicated emotions. But it’s always tinted with the knowledge that he can’t and that it would be unfair to her for him to expect it, not entitlement. Even in the context of the quote that begins this meta, his thoughts are more like a confused attempt to reach out to her which he also criticizes himself for, not an expectation. And disabled characters should be allowed to have complicated emotions especially when it comes to love and sex without fandom going "ew gross" or treating it as predatory. 

People idealize other people all the time, and of course he does this with Sansa. He doesn’t know the real her and his attraction to her is much more about an ideal that she represents. But it’s a very human emotion and it doesn’t mean that he doesn’t care about her suffering, as is blatantly untrue in what is shown above, or that he “doesn’t see her as a real person.” He sees her as much as he can without actually being able to communicate with her. They don’t know each other, they’re not in a relationship, they’re married only in name and on opposite sides of a war. Still, he reaches out to her as a person and empathizes with her suffering long before the marriage and identifies with it in a very personal way (much like he does with Bran and Jon), divulging to Sansa information about his own history of abuse which he has rarely spoken aloud to any other character. He actually empathizes with her in much the same way that she does him, in a confused, terrified, vulnerable and detached sort of way, without actually being able to communicate or trust each other but feeling a deep pity for the other person and a sense of shared trauma.

Even without that, though, it’s not intrinsically wrong for a disabled person to think that a stranger is beautiful, even in a sad sort of way. Grief can be beautiful. Seeing people be vulnerable and wanting to comfort them can be incredibly attractive. It’s not like he’s saying he enjoys her suffering. And this fandom goes way off the deep end for some reason *cough* when it comes to disabled people just thinking about attraction.

[writingstruggles]

Ben Solo/Kylo Ren: a character analysis

OK, first things first: THIS ISN’T A STAN OR ANTI POST. This is a character study, and if you can’t handle this character getting impartial concrit, just don’t read. If, however, you don’t agree with some of the points I’m going to make and want to have a healthy discussion about it, then I’m all ears. I don’t think my opinion is the only valid one, so feel free to try and change my mind.

And second things second: I tried so hard to love the sequel trilogy, but when it became clear after TROS that the studio had no plan other than making money, it became very difficult. I’m aware that the main problem for all the characters is the lack of general planing in this whole mess of trilogy, so keep this always in mind while reading this post: the first problem of this character was that the studio didn’t even know what to do with him.

1. Does Ben Solo becoming Kylo Ren make sense?

I checked the comics to get his background better. He had a happy childhood traveling a lot with Han and Leia, but when she discovered about the First Order, she sent him to train with Luke while Han and Chewie ran undercover missions for her. This is important: up to this point, he had a good relationship with his family, even if he was already being pulled by the dark side of the Force. It was during his adolescence that he started to be really seduced by Snoke, hearing the voice he thought belonged to Darth Vader. After the Luke incident, he did explode the cabin and thought he had killed his uncle, but he was not the one who killed all the other students and destroyed the temple: that was Snoke’s thing. He did kill some of his fellow Jedi apprentices later on, though. So, his turning points were Luke’s treason and Snoke’s coordinated abduction. And I would like to point out: the Sith training involves torture and brainwashing, so the first wrong impression I would like to correct about this character is that he was not simply a dick and revolted teen who ran away to join a cult.

BUT, there are some huge problems here. The first one is that when you watch the movies, you don’t learn anything about that aside from Luke’s part. In the way he’s presented in TFA, he’s Leia and Han’s son who betrayed his family, destroyed his uncles’ dream and joined the dark side for no reason. OF COURSE half of the audience wouldn’t like him. That wouldn’t be a problem if they just wanted him to be a villain like Darth Vader was, but it’s very clear that there was a plan (at least for one director) to make him a supposedly redeemable character. And how can we sympathize with his character like that? Even after we get to know what Luke almost did, the next question is simple: ok, so why he didn’t go back to Han and Leia?

And here is the second huge problem: we learned that after Ben leaves Yavin IV, Luke vanished, and Han and Leia broke up and went back to smuggling/leading a rebellion. And I can’t stress this enough, this doesn’t make any sense. The sequel trilogy killed Luke, Han, and Leia’s characters. These three characters that we have known for years would never, ever, had abandoned Ben Solo. Leia F*cking Organa and Han shot-first Solo would have brought their son back or die trying. Luke Skywalker is not a coward, he wouldn’t go into hiding and abandoned his only sister to clean up his mess during another war, let alone close himself to the Force, knowing full well he wouldn’t be able to feel if she was in danger. Just remember Han risking his life to save Luke in Hoth; or Leia leaving the rebellion to rescue Han from Jabba; or Luke straight-up disobeying ghost Obi-Wan and ghost Yoda to save Han and Leia, even if that costed the war. They were older and different, for sure, but we are talking about the quintessential things, the things that make these beloved characters themselves.  

(THIS ^^. This right here is the spirit of Star Wars)

So no, in the way it was done in the movies, Ben Solo becoming Kylo Ren doesn’t make sense to the audience, and that’s a huge problem. A friend of mine suggested once that instead of being a rip-off of ANH, TFA should have been a movie about the beginning of the First Order (because after we defeat the Empire on episode VI, episode VII starting with ANOTHER all-powerful evil government already dominating the galaxy and exploding planets just throws away all the previous movies’ efforts) and about how Ben Solo becomes Kylo Ren. Just imagine if Rey, Finn and Poe had interacted with Ben Solo before he becomes evil: the stakes would have been so much higher, and it could have been well done. It would have made this character more human and likable.

2. Kylo Ren’s motivations: what does he want?

If the OT was about hope, I think we can agree that the ST’s themes are legacy and belonging. Having their protagonists, Rey and Ben/Kylo representing two apposite sides of those things was one of the best ideas for the new saga.  Rey looks for belonging in the past she doesn’t know, while Kylo wants to abandon Ben Solo’s past and find his place in his future as Kylo Ren.

In that sense, his character arc was somehow solid. In TFA, it’s clear he’s still struggling with the dark side and feels the temptation of the light: he loses control easily, and he’s not doing anything unless Snoke orders him to. Ok, but why? Why is he clinging to Darth Vader’s ideals and staying in the sith path? Basically because he thinks it’s too late, and he has no other options. Which brings us back to the problem with Han and Leia: his parents didn’t go after him, they chose to go back to their old lives – of course he would think there’s no going back for him now. “But he is an adult man and could make his own decisions.” It’s a fair point, but again: sith training corrupts you and even if he had escaped, the only thing that would happen would be Snoke finding him again. It’s kinda like leaving an addiction: you supposedly can do it by yourself, but it is so much easier if you have help. Not a simple promise or offer, but actual, constant, and present help. I can not stress this enough, but I insist that one of the main problems with the sequel trilogy was not explaining in a satisfactory way HOW and WHY he turned to the dark side and stayed there.

3. Han Solo

Okay, I will admit: maybe my opinion on this specific topic is biased, because Han Solo is my favorite SW character. You may call me out as a fangirl if you don’t agree, but my point is: making Kylo Ren kill Han Solo was a bad idea. They basically killed the character for half of the audience, with zero chance of redemption.

It’s because it’s fratricide. Unless your father is Satan, the Emperor, or someone as equally villainous, fratricide is just that bad. It’s not easy to redeem a character who commits murder, but one that kills his own father? Who happens to be one of the good guys? And one of the most iconic and beloved characters in the franchise? There were other options to give Kylo Ren a tipping point, a conflicted moment that didn’t involve killing Han Solo. But they did, and he killed him. And now he’s no longer a villain we can sympathize with: now we think he’s a monster.

4. His interactions with Rey in TLJ

(I’m not wearing shipper goggles for this. I don’t even own shipper goggles when we are talking about Star Wars.)

Kylo Ren is conflicted after killing Han Solo, (and I will make a small pause here to reinforce how good Adam Driver’s acting was. He’s the only responsible for all the likable parts of Kylo Ren, especially in this movie). Kylo is once again unstable and Snoke is displeased with him, and for a moment we think he finally turned completely to the dark side, until he pauses before shooting Leia’s ship.

The force bond was the most interesting part of the movie. I don’t agree that he used it to manipulate Rey: if anything, he was completely harsh and blunt and kind of a dick to her, but he didn’t lie. He told her things how he saw it, with so much conviction that she started to see his side of the story. And since she was probably the first person in years that actually listened to him, his decision of murdering Snoke and inviting her to join the dark side makes very much sense.

We are talking about motivations and his are simple: let the past die, forge a new path. When he kills Snoke and no longer has a master, he only has one option: to become the master. That’s why he takes over the FO, and wants Rey to be his apprentice. Does the character suffer from sith-tunnel-vision? Definitely. But it makes sense. His decision-making is not overly complicated: he feels alone, and he wants a purpose: he decides that the solution for both is Rey joining him in the dark side. When she refuses, he still has one purpose: the FO.

This is, however, the point where he turns his back to the light completely: on Crait, he orders the FO to explode the Rebel Base and kill everyone, knowing full well his mother was in there. He orders them to exploded the Falcon out of the sky, once again knowing that Chewie and Rey are on board. When facing Luke, he repeats that he will kill Rey and the rebels. His transition from conflicted sith apprentice to the new villain of the franchise was actually well done.

And exactly because of that, the next topic pisses me off so much.

5. The continuity problem between episodes VIII and IX

Introducing Palpatine here was bad for so many reasons: backtracking Rey’s arc, making us think about Palps’ sex life, insisting on beating a literal dead horse when there were new things to explore, etc etc. And it was also bad for Kylo Ren’ arc. As I said before, the way they finished episode VIII, everything pointed to Kylo becoming the final evil Rey would have to face, and that would have been awesome. We didn’t need Palps, or ANOTHER all-powerful evil army ready to conquer the galaxy with exploding-planets-tech (seriously, is Alderaan a joke to you, Disn*y?).

  But, in the third movie, they went back and decided they didn’t want Kylo Ren to be the ultimate villain anymore. They wanted him to be redeemed. And that’s not bad per se, but an actual redemption arc needs to be planned, and I think we can all agree, there was no planning in the sequels. And again, FRATRICIDE. So they introduced an old, more powerful evil to make Kylo Ren less evil and less of a threat in comparison. And evil so definitive, and with such a bullshit connection to Rey, that it makes Kylo reconsider his previous promises of killing the last jedi and going back to the plan of making her turn.

And so, his character spends the movie going after Rey, to tell her the bullshit truth about her parents, to convince her to join him. At least his arc is still somehow solid, because once he’s decided on his path, he doesn’t lose control like in the previous movies, and his body language is more firm and lethal. Which, honestly, thanks Adam Driver, he knew the character way better than the director at this point.

He finally comes back to the light when Leia dies. Although it was rushed, I agree that, at that point, it was literally the only thing that could have made him turn. Rey reminding him that he wouldn’t be alone if he hadn’t chosen the dark side helped, too. It was clear that the moment with Han Solo was supposed to be with Leia, but I’m really glad Harrison Ford agreed to come back to fill in the role for his old friend.

6. Ben Solo

Okay, there’s so much to unpack here. When Ben Solo finally comes out to play, it’s very good. We can finally see some things that explain Kylo Ren better – it’s so obvious how awkward he was in his own body trying to be an evil sith lord when he is clearly a natural disaster. He still suffers from tunnel vision, but at least now it’s Skywalker-do-or-die tunnel vision. It’s like a weight was lifted from his shoulders, and the way his actions scream Han Solo makes me, once again, wish the first movie had been about him, and not the whole “find a map/ Star Killer base was ANOTHER ridiculous idea / I know R2’s alignment is chaotic bastard but COME ON”.

Star Wars has a notorious story with pulling Force powers out of nowhere, and I’m not going to pretend to be an expert in SW lore, so I won’t complain about the dyad thing (and the weird stuff with the light sabers). I honestly liked the concept. There’s a lot I have to say about the final battle against Palpatine, but I think it would fit better in a future character study about Rey (God, that’s going to be another long ass post). I just want to add that after Luke insisted on her taking both light sabers to Exegol, and after all the crazy stuff Ben did to get to her, they should have, you know, actually fought side by side against 85% dead Palpatine? Aren’t these two idiots supposed to be stronger than that?? I’m not complaining about Rey bringing him down “alone” since she is the protagonist yada yada, I just wished that Ben had done something, instead of being thrown into a hole.

(Palps did that out of spite because of his grandfather? I bet he did.)

I won’t say I didn’t cry hearing the voices of the past jedi talking to Rey, because I definitely did. If anything, it was great to see so many beloved actors getting a chance to honor such iconic characters. But are you freaking shitting on us? Where were ANY of those assholes when Luke, Leia and Ben needed them, like, ten years ago?? “Well, force ghosts should not be used as ex machinas, and they don’t see the future” Tell that to episodes IV, V and VI. Anakin, Obi Wan and Yoda can show up for Vader weird funeral/party with ewoks but they can’t send a jedi signal for the Skywalkers to warn them about Sith bullshit about to happen? “They were probably ahead in the world the comes next and they didn’t have a way to come back, they just talked to Rey because Exegol is a Force nexus and-” And so is Ach-To. And so is Yavin IV. And so is Dagoba (Yes, Snoke sent Ben there for training). Look, I have no problems with Force Ghosts, I love them bastards. I’m just so freaking mad with the lack of coherence in this trilogy. If they did not talk to the Skywalkers – and I’m sure at least Luke and Ben asked Obi Wan/Anakin to show themselves A LOT – they should not have talked to Rey. It was a crowd please moment, for sure, but it was another gigantic middle finger to Ben Solo (before he becomes Kylo Ren).

And then Rey died, and Ben brings her back. I know how many funny jokes are going around in the fandom about how resurrecting Qui-Gon or Padme would have saved the galaxy so much trouble, but again, I’m okay with that. It was previously established that since they were a dyad, they had this living Force between them (although it was rushed in the final like everything else). And it does make sense Ben doing that: he had just come back to the light, and his parents were both dead. Han and Leia were gone because of him, the last time he saw Chewie was as his captor, and before that, he got shot by him, etc, you get the idea. He had nothing else, only this: the chance to make it right by a person that genuinely cared for him. Exchanging his life for Rey’s was nothing: he knew that his family would be waiting for him in the world that comes after.

So, did I like the Bendemption? It. Was. Not. A. Redemption. It was the right choice, and it made things right between him and Rey, because she forgave him for everything. But that’s it. He did not face the consequence of any of his previous actions. “But he died for her!” And we just established that it was not a difficult choice, considering that he had literally no reasons to stay alive if Rey was dead. If you want to see an actual redemption arc, go watch Avatar the Legend of Aang.

And finally, the kiss and the death. Okay, I know I’m digging my own grave by addressing that, but my mama raised no coward. Here it goes: it was fan service, pure and simple. It’s there to make part of the fanbase happy. Good for you, reylos, but to us, not shippers, it came out of nowhere. And I’m not questioning if they had feelings for each other or not: I’m talking about pacing and characterization. I’m not 100% convinced that Rey, as a character, as she was presented to us so far, would have done that. It felt out of place, and it broke the immersion of the scene. I was emotionally invested on what was going on, I was happy to see Ben smiling at her and everything, but then suddenly they were sucking faces and the “FAN SERVICE” alarm was so loud in my mind that I immediately lost interest. If they wanted that in the movie so much, there was probably a better way to do that.

It makes sense that Ben had to die to bring Rey back: one life for another and everything. I still think that, story-wise, it would have been better if none of them had died a ridiculous death, and Ben had faced the consequences of his actions as Kylo Ren, but okay, moving on.  The main problem here is what happens after he dies: nothing. Absolute-effing-nothing. He dies, he disappears – which, again, I won’t question because Leia was involved and Skywalkers do whatever they want with the Force and I’m no expert – but that’s it. Rey, the same Rey that had just jumped his bones fifteen seconds earlier, doesn’t even mourn him. She doesn’t cry, she doesn’t do anything for him in the end, she just goes to Tattooine because it makes sense to the Skywalker saga to end where it started. She sees more of those Force Ghosts who never appear when they freaking should and that’s it.

Why is it bad? Well, first, like it or not, Ben Solo/Kylo Ren was one of the main characters and he deserved an actual final. Finn and Poe too, but those are long posts for another day. And second, it makes the fan-service in that kiss scene more evident. You can’t have the girl kiss him and in the next scene act like it didn’t matter at all. “Ok, then it was a thank-you kiss and there were no real feelings of loved involved”. But that makes it worse, it would be even more completely out of character for Rey – who avoids physical contact with people on the regular – to just kiss someone as a thank-you. Do you see how the math does not compute? If she had feelings for him, and therefore kissed him, she should have mourned him. If anything, she should at least miss her other part of the dyad thing. And if she didn’t mourn him because she didn’t have actual feelings, then she should not have kissed him. A little consistency, it’s all I’m asking.

7. Conclusions (aka tl;dr)

He was a somehow consistent character, but the lack of plot for the sequels was a huge problem. If the trilogy had been about Ben Solo becomes Kylo Ren – Kylo Ren kills Snoke and becomes the real villain – Rey faces Kylo Ren and she either saves him or kills him, it would have been so much better than the mess the studio did.

His story in the comics is so much more complex than what it is shown in the movies, but what they did to Han, Leia and Luke was a crime.

It was clear that one director had a vision to give him a redemption, and the other to make him the ultimate villain.

Adam Driver did what he could to make this character solid and somehow likable, let’s thank him for that.

There was no reason to bring Palps back,

Rey’s actions in the final are contradictory,

He should have stayed alive to face the consequences of his actions,

and the studio is charged guilt for getting our hopes up just to crush them with their lack of interest in doing something descent for the fans.

But again, that’s just my analysis of this character. Feel free to disagree with me, I would love to see what other people think about Ben Solo/Kylo Ren.

[fanfic-inator795]

No problem, I loved that ask. Actually, can you do a drabble of Lou introducing Draxum to his family?

I think I can whip up a little something~ ^v^

---------------------

It was just a few months before their wedding now. One would have thought that he would have ‘met the in-laws’ long before this.

“It’s... complicated,” Lou had admitted, after an afternoon of pacing around their house, talking in Japanese over the phone and his tone ranging from aggravated and sheepish to sincere and even a bit excited. As it turned out, his handsome fiance had siblings. Not just one or two, but six.

“Wait wait, we’ve got other uncles and aunties besides just Shen?” Raph had said, his brothers looking just as confused.

“You do,” Lou had sighed before explaining the story. Some things, like Lou’s poor relationship with his father, his mother passing away when he was young, and he and Shen running away to Tokyo when Lou was 18, and then to America once they started making a name for themselves, remained the same, being the same story he had told Draxum years ago.

What he had neglected to mention was that he also had three brothers and three sisters, all ranging in age. He got along decently with all of them - though he admitted that he was sometimes creeped out by his youngest sister, and his oldest brother could be stern and a bit of an ass at times, but there was still love and care there with all his siblings.

Still, being a bitter teenager just barely on the threshold of adulthood, Lou had lashed out on more than one occasion, insulted that not all of his siblings believed he would make it on his own. They hadn’t completely supported his dream of becoming a star, and a couple of them like Nori and Saki thought he still needed their protection. So, Lou had cut contact - first out of spite, then because he was so busy with films and being a celebrity, then out of depression... It had been a couple months after adopting his boys did he finally remember his family, and wondered how they were doing now.

Still, between the distance between them and the frayed strands of siblinghood, they stuck to letters once or twice a year as their primary source of communication, despite a couple of his siblings pushing for more. But, it would seem that the tabloid’s exposing his and Draxum’s engagement was the straw that broke the camel’s back, as it were. His siblings were coming for a visit, at Saki’s stern insistence. Lou would see his siblings again for the first time in years, his boys would meet their aunts and uncles...

And Draxum would be meeting his in-laws. Not just ‘best friends who were practically family’ like with Shen, but actual in-laws. So, here he was, standing by the door with his family, dressed in a teal blue dress shirt and a gold tie, hoping to make a good first impression.

Lou opened his door, and his siblings practically piled in. Even if they all had their own unique features and styles, Draxum could already see a bit of family resemblance. Still, the fact that Lou was the only one in the Hamato bunch with a pompadour made him smile a little.

Lou greeted them all in Japanese, giving hugs and handshakes while answering questions, also in Japanese. Japanese that, despite a few years of trying to learn, his boys just couldn’t hope understand due to how fast their relatives spoke. “I’m gonna start speaking Spanish if they don’t stop speaking Japanese,” Leo mumbled during it all, pouting a bit after trying and failing to translate. Draxum sympathetically patted his head.

Thankfully, Lou didn’t take too long to notice that the rest of his family was feeling a bit out of the loop. So, clearing his throat, he got everyone to quiet down. “Alright. My brothers and sisters,” he began, “I’d like you to meet, my oldest Raphael-” He touched the shoulder of the eleven year old in red- “my ten year old twins, Donatello and Leonardo-” He gestured to each of them, not wanting his siblings to mix them up- “My youngest, Michelangelo-” the nine year old in orange grinned, happily waving at them, “and finally... my beloved fiance, Dr. Benjamin Draxum.”

Draxum bowed slightly at them. “It’s a pleasure to meet you all.”

“It is good to finally meet you as well, Doctor!” one of Lou’s brothers said, smiling at him.

Draxum chuckled. “Please, just Ben is fine.”

“Very well, I-”

“He is Kenji,” another brother, obviously the oldest, said as he took the lead on introductions, “and I am Saki. And this-” he gestured to each of his remaining siblings in order of age, “is Nori, Hiroki, Hikari and Mei.” Each of the siblings nodded at their brother’s fiance before turning their attention to their nephews.

Nori took a knee so she could look the boys in the eyes. “It’s very nice to finally meet you four,” she smiled, “We have much to catch up on, huh?” The boys smiled back at her. She may have been a total stranger, but her kindness and friendliness was already reminding them of their Auntie Shen.

“We should sit,” Saki spoke up, before adding, “if that is alright. We can’t exactly have a proper visit in the doorway, after all. Unless you are planning on kicking us out already, Yoshi.” 

Lou sighed a little, shaking his head. Same old Saki. “Make yourselves at home. Sorry there isn’t much seating, but I can grab a chair from the kitchen if anyone needs one. I’ll also make some tea - you all still like ginseng, right?”

They all settled in the living room, and within an hour, they were already getting along like family. The boys took most of the conversation, telling their aunts and uncles about their favorite things and sharing stories. Lou told the story of the day he first met his boys, and then told the story of the night he and Draxum first met - with Mikey butting in when necessary to tell his side.

Kenji chuckled. “It almost sounds like a movie!”

“Believe me, I’m well aware of the irony,” Draxum quipped, chuckling along with him. He felt Mikey hug his leg, the gesture feeling nostalgic given that the boy hadn’t done that since he was six or seven.

“Yeah, Ben is a great dad,” Mikey said, glancing up at his soon-to-be father, “I know I’m definitely glad I found him instead of someone else that night.”

“Well, he’s not your official stepfather yet,” Saki mumbled, quiet enough for the children not to hear him. Nori still elbowed him for it.

The Hamatos shared stories as well, tales that Lou remembered from childhood as well as new ones he hadn’t heard before. It was slightly bittersweet, with Lou silently wishing that he hadn’t stubbornly waited to get in contact with his family again. Still, this wouldn’t be the first time he had to fix mistakes he made in his youth, and at the very least, Lou was certain that even after his wedding, there would still be plenty of family visits. 

When suppertime came around, Saki insisted on ordering giant platters from a New York sushi place that they could all enjoy, thinking it appropriate to splurge for an occasion such as a family reunion... And he volunteered Draxum to help him pick it up.

Lou gave his oldest brother a bit of look, but Draxum agreed without hesitation, standing up from the couch and following Saki out the door. Despite the difference in weather and setting, he couldn’t help but feel a bit of deja vu, being reminded of that Christmas Eve nearly three years ago.

“You and my brother get along well,” Saki said finally, after driving in silence for several minutes. Even though he kept his eyes on the road, Draxum could see the sharp sternness in his eyes. Not from malice, though, but from fierce protectiveness. Saki was easily the most serious in this generation of Hamatos, and he took his family very seriously.

Still, Draxum didn’t flinch. “We do,” he said, a small smile on his face, “I’ll admit, I wouldn’t have expected it either. But we-... I connected with him almost instantly.”

“Oh?” Saki said, though it sounded more like a statement than a question.

“...There was this one time, during a first few months of dating,” Draxum began, “Lou had done an interview, and somehow - not his fault, but the fault of a very nosey talkshow host - word got out that we were dating. It was... stressful, to say the least. I met more reporters and members of the paparazzi that week than I had in my entire life, and I nearly had to get a new phone number. ...We almost didn’t make it, because I wasn’t sure if I could handle the stress of, well, that whole situation that came with dating a well known celebrity.”

“...” Saki spared him a glance. “Then what made you stay?”

Draxum smiled again. “I missed him... Him and the boys, and it was then that I decided that I would rather deal with the rough and sometimes aggravating times with him and his family by my side than have peaceful times on my own. Lou made me happy, like no one else had, as did his children. And so, I decided that I was going to try and make them as happy as they made me in return. I wasn’t going to be a coward, and I was going to fight for the ones I loved. ...The ones I never knew I needed until they were nearly gone.”

Saki said nothing, just kept driving. Draxum didn’t mind, he had already said his piece, and if Saki still didn’t approve of him... Well, so be it. He still would try and connect with Lou’s relatives as much as he could of course, but he wasn’t going anywhere.

However, when they arrived at the sushi restaurant, Saki stopped him before they went inside. “My younger brother and I... we have not always seen eye-to-eye,” Saki began, his eyes losing their sharpness and instead taking on an air of fatigue, “But I have always cared about him. Try to guide him, protect him, even when I was angry or frustrated with him... When we did not hear from him in so long, only knowing that he was still alive because he was still in films, and then even losing that eventually... I can not tell you how worried I was about him.”

Draxum gave him a sympathetic look, but said nothing, not wanting to interrupt.

“...Then, when I heard about him getting married - married to someone who could see his fame and fortune as the only reason for marriage, someone who could break my foolish brother’s heart... I became worried once again. ...However-” His eyes became softer now. “I can see that you are not that type of man, Dr. Benjamin.”

Draxum nodded, appreciating the respect. “Thank you, Saki.”

“Do not thank me yet,” Saki snapped slightly, scowling once more, “You still have a lot to prove, and like I said, you are not part of this family yet! Not until the wedding, and even then-! ...However, eventually... I think I could see you being a good brother-in-law, as well as a good husband and father.”

“I can assure you,” Draxum promised him, his voice unwavering, “I am going to do whatever I can for them, and that I care about them with all my heart.”

Saki stared at him, and then nodded. A sign of acceptance, if only a small one. “Come, before the sushi starts to get warm,” he said, heading inside the restaurant. Draxum followed, relaxing somewhat.

It wasn’t long before they returned, platters in hand. Conversation and laughter filled the old home once again as stories were shared and connections were strengthened. Even Saki managed to smile once or twice! At one point, Draxum felt Lou squeeze his hand, his fiance happier than he ever thought he’d be and wondering why they hadn’t done this sooner. Draxum leaned over to kiss him, silently promising him many more evenings like this.

They were a family, and even if he still didn’t have the complete approval of his in-laws yet, Draxum wasn’t worried. It was like he had said before, he was planning on staying by his family’s side no matter what, and he would do all he could for them to make sure they were happy. It was the least he could do, and he was happy to do it.

...Besides, even if he had wanted to, he couldn’t leave yet. After all, there were still plenty more funny and slightly-embarrassing stories from Lou’s youth that he wanted to hear, much to his fiance’s dismay.

THE END

((Hehe, hope you liked it! ^v^))

[ladyandtheghost]

The code word is “family”: A recap of 8x02

The Red Queen and the White Queen: 

If I’m delusional at this point, then so be it, but if I still needed convincing of Political!Jon, this scene convinced me. Because Sansa figured it out. Oh my God, she figure it out! You can see the exact moment of it on Sophie’s face. After all the talk and demonstration of Sansa’s intelligence last episode, it made all the sense in the world that Sansa would work it out herself what Jon is actually doing. And it almost makes you feel a bit sorry for Dani when she opens her heart and says kind of jokingly “Tell me who manipulated whom?” and the penny drops for Sansa. You can see it in her eyes, her weird giddiness. Sansa does not like this woman, why on earth would she smile and laugh if not a new realization that is playing out in her head?

It was also interesting how Dani tried to become all sisterly, thinking she could bond with Sansa over “boy talk” - and Sansa laughs but then drops the act and talks “real politics” - which not only shows that Sansa is a strategist and future-oriented, but she also just called out Dani on her argument that they are both women in politics who want to be taken seriously. 

This is your family, Theon: 

I don’t know how Sophie does it, but every reunion that Sansa has with literally any character that Sansa cares about is a 100% tear-jerker. And this was no exception: it was emotional and beautiful and pure. 

I can totally see people shipping them and it’s not an outlandish idea or notp for me or anything, but I felt the background of the scene was not so nuch meant to launch a romantic ship, it was actually far more powerful than that...

Because it was about family and about politics at the same time (the two things Sansa excels in). 

The entire set up of the scene was perfection: The red queen and the white queen, both emerging from the library after their tense conversation and at this moment - and omg this is so fantastic - we see the exact difference in how the two women/queens are being shown as opposites: 

Theon dutifully kneels in front of “his queen”, the gesture that she always demands from all her subjects, the gesture that she has burned people for refusing to perform - but Theon’s heart is not in it. 

Then he ignores Dani and addresses Sansa, asks to fight “for Winterfell”, for House Stark and they embrace and he is so happy to be “home” and “safe” and “loved” and “missed” and this is his family. 

It’s like a mother welcoming her lost child back home in her arms: essentially what a “beloved queen” is seen as - a mother to her people. “Mhysa” failed at that. Sansa is the queen and ruler beloved by her people.

And Dani notices. She sees “her” bannerman’s loyalty to another powerful woman and she is not pleased...

Theon wanting to fight ”for Winterfell“ - after the convo about the North two minutes earlier -  this is another blow for Dani, who made a pact with the Greyjoys to fight for her, and “for the throne“

Theon and Sansa represent the ideal ruler/bannerman situation: the bannermann comes before you, pledges themself to you, asking “if you'll have me“ because they love and respect and want to serve you - which is the complete opposite of how it works for Dani.

This is a bond that lasts. Sansa will never fear betrayal from someone who asked to serve her. 

Their shared trauma and Sansa being Theon’s redeption has forged this beautiful and strong bond. It has no sexual undertones imo (though people who ship it might disagree which is of course understandable) 

Rather it’s a mirror opposite of the strong bond Sansa has with Jon which is charged with UST and “subtext” 

Theon also represents the brother Sansa needs, with Robb gone, Bran “gone” and replaced by the 3ER and things being all “complicated” and tense with Jon...

Jon is also somewhat “gone” in this episode, though neither Sansa nor Dani understand why. 

And they are not stopping at that: where do we find Sansa during the last hours before the battle? Not drinking and warming her butt in front of the roaring fire like the others - nope, Sansa is outside in the cold with her people, eating the stuff that everyone else eats, spending time with the one “brother” she has left who came back for her and it’s yet another indicator that Sansa would be a ruler “for the people”

RMS Gendrya sailing strong: 

Arya “perving” on Gendry first half of the episode, effectively reversing the “male gaze” and her taking charge in their relationship was great.  The only thing is - now I’m scared, like really scared one of them will die. Or both? Urgh I’m getting Tonks/Lupin flashbacks - it’s never good for people to be happily in love before a battle. But I also loved how Gendry worried about her, literally pissed off that she would put herself in danger. And in going with the theme of family for this episode, one of the iconic moments of this couple was when Arya told Gendry: “I could be your family.” and Gendry was right, he is not her family, she is his “lady” and he is her lover...

The Hound and his pup: 

...however Arya did seek out someone who sees her as his family. The only thing that really comes to mind re: Sandor is that this sealed the deal on San*san happening or not. I had a feeling they would not let Sansa and him interact and rather choose the less squicky, more popular relationship of Sandor and Arya shine through. Arya *is* the Hound’s redeption arc. Just like Sansa is Theon’s. 

That super *awkward* family reunion: 

Dani’s reaction was SO predictable, it’s amazing. People actually fantasized that Dani would not mind so much, that she would actually be happy to have her “family” and another Targ by her side. Yeah, fat chance. The only thing on her mind now is that that Jon has the higher claim. 

Also: Jon spending his last night down in the crypts with his mother is so poignant it hurts. He always wanted to know her, he always wanted to see her face, so he stands there just looking at it the night before he might be taken from this world again. Somehow this was also an interesting parallel to Sansa and Theon and about being accepted as family. He told Dani about his mother, then it was revealed that she is his aunt, his closest(!) living (female) relative. 

Jaime, Braime (plus Tormund):

I knew Jaime would be accepted by Sansa - because of Brienne - and just like Theon, Jaime is another addition to Sansa’s Queen’s Watch. Dani looking pissed about it was literally channeling Cersei (if only she knew). 

Poor Tormund, he is so gone on her and he just wanted to be around her. Again, I’m scared shitless for every single character in that room around that fire and if the “knighting” scene is the best we will get from Braime, I will riot. 

A Bear Island family reunion: 

We finally got some Mormonts reunited. Jorah worrying about his little cousin but also respecting her for fighting and Lyanna wishing him good fortune and owning him as “cousin” was also a nice touch. Jorah still has a home in the North and a family. Sam reminded him of that when he spoke of Jeor and gave him his own father’s sword. They both lost their fathers before they could make them proud or forgive them/or be forgiven. 

Alys Karstark - everywhere!:  

Yes, I’m back on my bullshit. But seriously, they were parading her around all episode. They placed her here, places her there, always somewhere in camera frames or shots, Why? She doesn’t speak, her presence doesn’t serve any purpose. Unless we should just get a good look of that “other” red-headed girl, aka Fake!Sansa. 

Davos and Shireen's little girl (ghost):

That little girl with the scarred face killed me - just like she killed Davos. I'm tearing up just thinking of her. And Gilly was so sweet, so instinctively maternal, and Davos looked like he's slowly dying inside. Perhaps we were meant to read this as somehow Shireen's spirit could be felt through this girl and she was there to tell Davos that she will be ok. Idk but I'm crying...Shireen was Davos’ beloved child, his family after he lost his son, and nothing will ever change that! 

Jon’s other family (no, not the dragon one): 

There was even less “action” in this episode, but a lot of emotion. Except from one quarter: Jon, who completely isolated himself from his family - but found solace with his other family, i.e. his “brothers” - Sam, Edd, Tormund. And they recalled Grenn, their lost brother. 

On the whole, the episode is a prime example of the calm before the storm...next time, shit’s going down. 

[littlemisssquiggles]

After seeing the latest episode of RWBY... Could it be that Robyn will be the next Winter Maiden? I think Winter is way too obvious, since she has officially been set up. If RT goes like that, it would be very untypical for their current style of writing. So... I can see this happening in one of two ways. Either Robyn is related to Fria in some way and that is why she gets the powers. Or Winter dies and passes the powers on to Robyn. They seem to agree on some stuff. Robyn nodded at Winter.

Umm…sorry Mizu but this squiggle meister is gonna have to disagree with you on this theory of yours. Given how the show had built up her story thus far, I doubt Robyn will have anything to do with the Maidens or their magic.

Sure I can see her learning of the existence of the Maidens and their connection to the Relics once the truth about Salem comes out. I can even see Robyn potentially learning this information beforehand courtesy of Yang and Blake with their little alliance from the seventh episode. However that’s as far as I believe Robyn will go in that regard.

I think the PLOT is more setting up Robyn and her Happy Huntresses to be unlikely allies to our heroes and Ironwood especially in this current time where the story seems to be heading in the direction of the Fall of Atlas and the possibly the brink of a Second Great War of Remnant lingering the air.

However that’s as much as I can see Robyn being. An unlikely ally. I don’t think she will become a Maiden. If anything, my assumption is that Robyn will become a founding leader to the next generation of Atlesian and Mantlese citizens after working to rebuild Atlas and Mantle kingdoms and reunite them as one kingdom once.

Based on what I’ve seen thus far, especially from the sneak peek clip of CH9 that was teased today in #FRWBY, it seems like the PLOT might be leaning towards the decimation of Mantle. Possibly. And once Mantle is taken care of,the next kingdom to surely fall will be its brother kingdom in the skies: Atlas.

I think the Writers may be setting us up for both Mantle and Atlas to cease no more by the end up of V7 and V8 and once both of these kingdoms are gone, the next step would be rebuilding them from the ground up with both the People of Mantle and Atlas coming together for the first in centuries to restore what’s left of their kingdom together. And at the helm ofthis revolution and new chapter in Solitas history would be Robyn Hill.

The more I observe her development, the more I can see Robyn potentially becoming a great leader for Atlas and Mantle. One who would stand, fight and continue to look out for the sanctity of both kingdoms. I think Robyn’s destiny is to be a kingdom leader. Not a Maiden. So yeah, I don’t think she will have any connection to Fria at all. Sorry for disagreeing with you but I just don’t see this development in the cards for this character. 

I do agree with you, however, on the thought of Winter being unsuccessful inbecoming the Winter Maiden.

Given how the Writers tossed us that red herring with Vernal and the Spring Maiden back in V5, it wouldn’t surprise me if it’s done again for the Winter Maiden. However if I were to expect anyone else to become a Maiden in Winter’s place, my second choice would’ve been Penny Polendina.

In my opinion, Penny becoming the Winter Maiden would’ve been interesting. Penny is already such a unique character in terms of her story—an artificially intelligent sentient being powered by the soul of the loving father who gifted a part of himself time and time again to create his beloved daughter.

If Penny doesn’t wind up succeeding Pietro (in the event of his untimely passing)then I could’ve easily seen her becoming a Maiden somehow.

While I understand that the Maidens and the transference of their powers comes with their own set of rules, I’ve always been curious of how these rules would apply to a being like Penny. I mean technically Penny identifies as female. She’s young and she has a soul—a soul that was partially made from her father’s but…it’s still a soul. In spite of anything else, Penny is more than just a machine. She’s a person. Her own person and that makes her worthy of becoming a Maiden if it was possible. I’ve always wondered that should Penny be chosen as Maiden, would the power go to her. Would it work? That’s the curious question.

Let’s say …at some point down the line after becoming Maiden, Winter Schnee is blindsided by the enemy (Neo and Cinder) and becomes mortally wounded. And in her dying moments, she reaches out to Penny as her choice to become the next Maiden after her. After all, Penny was made to be a protector.

Apart from being the keys to the Relics, the Maidens have always more or less been young women who used their powers for the greater good of helping others when they are able to.

Well…at least they were in the past with the exception of the current generation of Maidens minus Summer. That’s another thing I don’t wish to see repeated a third time. I don’t want another example of a Maiden being murdered and having their powers forcibly transferred to their killers.

It happened with Cinder and Amber. It happened with Raven and the former Spring Maiden before her. I just don’t want to see it happen again for the Winter Maiden. I think it could be a cool twist if the PLOT sets it up that way again—perhaps Fria isn’t horribly murdered but passes away peacefully in her sleep and Winter successfully becomes the Winter Maiden as Ironwood had planned.

And this all happens by the end of V7 so that the next time Weiss sees her sister, she finds her already as a Maiden. We then spend the next season with Winter being a target for her Maiden powers by Neo and Cinder once they learn of her succession. And let’s say…for whatever reason, Winter is badly hurt trying to protect someone she loves. Like maybe that’s how she was lured out to be killed. Weiss is kidnapped by Neo and Cinder and used as bait to lure out her sister and once Winter arrives, Neo disguises herself as Weiss to force Winter to let her guard down a little bit long enough for Neo to try and kill her.

Let’s say…Winter had brought Penny along with her as backup since she feared Neo and Cinder may double-cross her as warned by Ruby. But in spite of this, Winter still gets injured protecting her little sister.

So we have this scene where Weiss is cradling her dying sister in her arms (maybe Neo and Cinder has escaped at this point)— Penny by Winter’s side to and during this moment, Winter turns to Penny informing her that she was going to give her powers to her because she trusts her to become a great protector to Atlas and Mantle or something along those lines.

Though it’s been small, we’ve received one or two decent examples of the show pushing a small friendship dynamic between Winter and Penny for this season that I honestly didn’t expect going into it. While it’s not as close as Winter’s relationship with her sister, if the Winter Maiden powers were to be stolen from her—even in her final moments, I don’t think Winter would chose Weiss.

She’ll probably think of someone who she could trust with being a better fit for Maiden than her and she would think of the only other person than herself who would make a great Maiden—Penny.

But that’s just my opinion. Honestly it’s anyone’s game at this point on who could become the Winter Maiden. Somehow my headcanons of how that storyline might end has been flip-flopping. I always had a feeling that Winter was going to be groomed to be Ironwood’s choice for Maiden. That part was as obvious as you said.

But in the event of it not being Winter, my second choice was always Penny since I liked the idea of an artificial being with a soul making for an interesting Maiden character. I saw Penny becoming a Maiden via the magic of the original Winter Maiden as symbolic as her fairy-tale counterpart of Pinocchio being turned into a real boy by the Blue Fairy.  

However I’ve recently also pondered on the possibility of Nora becoming the Winter Maiden or…at least being considered as a potential candidate against her will? 

Like it’s a scenario where we discover that Nora is the last living relative of Fria and as Fria is on her last lap, she confides in Winter that the last thing she desires before she passes away is to be reunited with her daughter who she was forced to give up years ago after she was appointed as Maiden. 

That daughter somehow wound up in Mantle and grew up to become the mother of Nora Valkyrie who eventually passed away. So it’s a case where Fria never got the chance to see her daughter again but Nora is last remnant of Fria’s daughter and as it turnt out—in true RWBY fashion—Nora is the spitting image of her mother and the closest person to her that Fria has left.  

The last person Fria wants to now see is Nora however Nora is denied the chance to see the only family member she had left since Ironwood fears that if Fria sees Nora, she might end up picking her as her candidate instead of Winter as he had been grooming her to be. So it’s this complicated thing where Winter, having grown to care for Fria wants to abide by her wishes but can’t out of her duty to the General.

Not to mention that Nora is conflicted about it too—perhaps we can have some conflict where some folks believe that Nora should be allowed to see her grandmother and become the Winter Maiden since it’s her family and birth right and not Winter’s, no matter how much Ironwood tries to control that.

The other side to that is that Nora doesn’t want to become a Maiden or have anything to do with that and after learning that a family member of hers is still alive, she becomes unsure of whether or not she wants to see them at all.Perhaps…Nora even ends up blaming Fria for her and her family’s hardships in a way because the last memories that Nora has of her mother were ones where she was always struggled to take care of her down in Mantle while dealing with the depression over the memories of the mother who abandoned her. In the past, Fria didn’t want Nora’s mother so why should Nora want to see her just because she’s dying?  

As I said, it’s a complicated scenario which I think could’ve made for an fascinating story especially for Nora’s side of things. While I figured Nora becoming a Maiden would’ve been cool for the obvious nod to the Norse God of Thunder she’s inspired by, the more I pondered on it, the more I realized I like this headcanon more for angle of what it could’ve done for Nora’s own character development and backstory.

We have yet to have a JNPR subplot that focused heavily on Nora as yet. We’ve had for Jaune (V1) Pyrhha (V3) and Ren (V4) but nothing for our veteran goddess of the thunder thighs. So I really want Fria to be related to Nora just so Nora can have her moment of focus. But that’s just me. 

And last but certainly not least, there’s Neopolitan becoming the Winter Maiden and using her newfound abilities to dupe Cinder Fall and pilfer the Relic of Creation for herself as I described more in depth in this previous answer post.

At this point, I really am torn on where the Winter Maiden subplot could go. If anything, my final hunch is that the Winter Maiden Arc could possibly revolve around Winter, Penny, Nora and possibly Neo.

Winter as the current candidate via Ironwood’s choice. Nora as Fria’s only living relative and successor to her power by blood and familial connection. Penny as Winter’s choice for candidacy in the event of her untimely passing and Neo via murdering the last Maiden and stealing her powers just like Cinder. Anythingcan go. But then again, these are all mainly my theories in that regard.

But all in all, what this mostly boils down to me saying is that I can see these young women more sharing a connection to the Winter Maiden story than Robyn Hill. Hope that answers your question Mizu.

Again, sorry if I might’ve burst your bubbles there. It’s not a bad  theory,I just have a different stance on it.

~LittleMissSquiggles (2019)

[romanroths]

howdy. my name is mar, i’m 23, i’m out here in est, i go by she/her. this is my emo fuck, roman rothschild as titus. i don’t have a connections page set up yet so fjslkfj. just like this badboi and i’ll come hit you up. so mf excited to be here! feel free to add me on discord @ nyc's salad rat#9307

the basics.

skeleton: titus name: roman alexander rothschild age: 22 faceclaim: nick robinson  gender: cismale  pronouns: he/him degree: chemistry 

the start.

his mother and father were only seventeen when roman was born, freshly out of high school. it would be a lie to dub the pregnancy as anything other than a massive accident, born out of the incessant desire to be known and seen by someone else at that age, right down to your core. what better way to do that then to let them in fully, spreading yourself open so wide that maybe someone might like even the ugly bits of you? maybe they loved each other, but maybe they didn’t. roman never did quite figure it out. they must have at least liked one another to some extent to stick it out, to produce two more lives after him. augustus and lucretia. they weren’t many things but they were consistent. 

new money. how very fitzgerald for a boy from england. how very ironic it is with a name like rothschild. roman’s mother had always claimed they came from royalty, that their blood was tinged with blue. that always seemed like bullshit as far as roman himself was concerned. just because things sounded important did not always mean that they were. but then, one day they were important. fortune has a funny way of finding the most entitled. childhood was almost painfully boring. no traumatic stories or wondrous tales. he was born in bath, and was raised in a flat that was under furnished and a bit small, but cozy nonetheless. he loved it there, and even after moving into their cavernous home in london when the money trickled in, felt more at home in bath amongst the olden architecture. the city was ancient, just like his soul. most of his youth was spent under the sky, devouring books by natural light, a quiet and calm boy who hardly ever even scraped a knee. his mother had resigned herself to looking after roman once he was born, dashing her dreams of being a grand actress for wiping the spit off of roman’s chin. maybe that’s why she harbored a hair of resentment for him. his father went forth to achieve his mba, specializing in computer sciences. he’d later go on to invent some very important, very complicated anti-virus system that ensured the protection of your pc. it was bought and then patented by apple on roman’s eleventh birthday. money was no longer an object. 

graduating to a higher social bracket proved to be more difficult than roman had anticipated. his mother had no issue in the matter, almost immediately swapping her dulled coats and modest silver for furs and diamonds. his father seemed relieved somehow, even if he spent even more time away than before. (though, it was later revealed that this was no longer due to work but due to the twenty-five year old secretary that seduced him. the family functions on a very, don’t ask, don’t tell basis. they all still pretend they don’t know.) even his siblings seemed more taken with their situation, getting lost in harrod’s with his mother, fetching treats they never used to be able to afford and filling their rooms with fun and frill. only roman was miserable. he longed for home. the nosiness of their street caused him to spend the night gaping at his ceiling, tears brimming his eyes. no matter how badly he willed it, he could no longer remember what the air in bath smelled of. he could no longer make out what the local bakery’s hot cross buns tasted like. all the money in the world could not cure his seemingly terminal case of homesickness. 

the preparatory school he attended was a buffet of different flavors of the rich and very posh. some who were even actually were related to the crown, and not in the naive sort of way his mother had claimed. most of them seemed to speak a language of their own, already so determined of their futures. future parliament members just like their parents, or perhaps diplomats. there were even a few children of celebrities, who roman discovered either had a thirst for the crafts of their parents or absolutely abhorred it. there was no middle ground with the children conceived by artists. 

during this period of solitude, roman as we know today was formed. once a sweet and relatively shy boy, he became a scribble of snark, sarcasm, and wit. it was not meant in malice, like many of his classmates and peers thought, but simply his sense of humor, outlook, and demeanor. anyone who was willing enough to befriend him, found him to be composed surprisingly of boyish grins and mischief. he was not the block of ice people made him out to be. all one had to do was offer him the warmth of their trust for him to melt. 

the skill that permitted him into imperium happened somewhat accidentally. worried that their eldest son was falling into a depression, his parents had him seated with a psychologist at fifteen. unbeknownst to him, his mother had stolen the journal he faithfully confided in and presented it to the spidery woman responsible for unspooling the tangle of roman’s thoughts. while she did find some of the contents troubling, most of all she was impressed with the nature in which the boy wrote. a penchant for words, able to bewitch the page and to turn it into the picture perfect image of whatever he envisioned in his brain. poetic and dark, like a brewing storm. she encouraged him to follow this talent, to untether it from his moments of melancholy and allow it to speak for stories. which is what he did. by seventeen he had published two books of poetry, and was working on a murder mystery story, involving two reunited lovers piecing together the murder of a recently deceased childhood friend. despite the fact that the works that he had published were done so anonymously, ashcroft was able to uncover the truth. and so as he entered university, he was accepted with much prestige into imperium. the one and only place that roman felt as though he might belong. that he might actually be happy.

until octavia’s death, of course. 

roman had loved tragedies until he had become one. that all he was now, tragedy with a heartbeat. was it better to love and have it taken from you? or was it better to have not loved at all? all he knows is that he was certain his heart had endured enough when she’d left the first time, he did not know what egregious sin he’d committed to lose her the second time. there was no peace for him anymore. nothing could quell the rainstorm in his soul. not even the things that used to work. laying out in the library with leather books in hand, walking around campus with the rest of the club and laughter in their voice, coffees with too much sugar, the first snowfall. all of it, devoid of anything but misery. ache. death. the only cure would have come in the form of her, octavia’s nimble fingers in his hair. missing her was so jarring, he felt that it was only a matter of time before he too would join her. 

as naive as it was, roman felt grateful for the ghostly visits. first he’d chalked it up to insanity. what else could it be? at least now he could see her, he could hear her, beyond the times when he pulled up videos of her on his phone while the sounds and sights of her were snuffed out by the sounds of his own wailing. he’d rather a shadow of her presence than nothing at all. 

rage came next. he wanted it to be lysander. needed it to be. lysander was responsible for all dissolution of his happiness. it was lysander who had seduced away the one person he’d ever loved. clearly it had to be lysander who had selfishly expelled her from the world too. it felt easier to condense his hatred to one person… roman wasn’t sure if there was enough space left in him to hate anyone else. but to learn this was wrong? roman had no idea what to make of it. it caused him to wet his sheets each night with sweat, to carve bloody moon imprints onto his palms. he felt ravenous for revenge. 

the brain.

[ based off loosely off of: camille preaker, theodore laurie, ponyboy curtis, & draco malfoy ]

+ romantic: it’s no secret that ro is a massive romantic. anyone who saw him interact with octavia could see it clear as day. he genuinely enjoyed the little things in a relationship many thought organically lessened with the hands of time. however, he continued to be spontaneous, attentive, and sweet. he continued with love notes, and presenting flowers whenever he could. even in the way he looked at his love seemed to be veiled in something ancient, something innate like he’d always known her in all of his lives. roman’s romanticism did not stop at tiv, though. it leaked into his poetry, as intense wafts of emotions always seem to steal our words. but there is even a romantic manner in which he treats his friends. he’s a little bit of your boyfriend when you’re close enough friends, to be perfectly honest. the boy has a earnest love for making those he cares for feel looked after. not all loves are amorous in nature, but that does not mean they are not to be cultivated with the same dedication to magic as the one he shared with his beloved. 

+ empathetic: sometimes a negative, mostly a positive roman has the unbearable burden of a heart too large for his mind. he sees whispers of goodness in every person (save for fucking lysander) even if he does not want to. if someone is under duress, or is wallowing in some sort of pain, roman’s instinct is to alleviate their plight. sometimes it comes begrudgingly, as though someone is holding a gun to his temple to execute such a task. not even a hint of a smile dressing his face, but he does it nonetheless, knowing he may be robbed of his sleep if not. but for his friends, he’d gladly die doing right by their hearts. 

+ noble: perhaps roman is of aristocratic blood after all, because roman is the most noble of them all. he’s not quite sure when the moral compass forged itself into his soul, and when it began to guide nearly all of his actions, but one day he woke up and was highly aware of the importance of sticking to one’s words. once he adopts something as the decent thing to do, he has a hard time shaking it. it shackles him. it ensnares him to do the right thing each time. for this reason, he’s been in trouble a few times for sticking his nose where it doesn’t necessarily belong, getting into tiffs with moronic bullies who pick on others or sleazy men with wandering hands. sometimes he wishes he could just mind his own fucking business. it certainly may have prevented him a black eye or two. 

- cynical: you could almost say that from the moment that roman kissed octavia, he could taste the doom on her lips. he certainly did not anticipate her grim ending, but he always knew she was too good for him. too beautiful, too happy, too perfect. just as her fickle gaze wanders, so shall she. but, this frame of mind was not unique to just this singular circumstance, it was roman’s entire mantra. all good in life would be expunged from him eventually. one must always anticipate the worst, and be pleasantly surprised when things pan out. for example, he’s a writer and yet he studies chemistry. why? because he’s afraid that his writing isn’t as good as he believes and will need a fall back. as of now, his fallback is pharmaceutical school. he finds happy endings in movies to be unbelievable. how is it realistic that everyone ends up happier than ever? bullshit. no fucking way. 

- self-destructive: (tw: drug/alcohol mention) he drenches himself in gasoline with the cynicism, but he lights the match by participating in self-destructive behavior. drinking and drugs become a regular part of ro’s life when he’s lounging in a pool of his own pain. he finds it best to numb it, to muffle the screams of doubt in his head with sharp shops of bourbon and snowy lines of cocaine. besides, he always tells himself it may make him a more interesting writer. what’s life without a little scandal, anyway? 

- aloof: despite having a pure heart, roman has a difficult time expressing himself. with page and pen, he manages to do so, but in person? to unlatch your cage of ribs and let someone inside? to watch the softness in your eyes when you admit a secret, or a snippet of deep affection? his shrink had chalked it up to the fact his parents never told him that they loved him. awkward kisses on the head on birthdays and maybe a stiff hug or two in between, but roman himself has always had a painfully hard time coming across as soft as he truly was, no matter how hard he tries. 

the quirks. 

has a tattoo of joan of arc on the left side of his ribcage. that sounds poetic but he also has a tattoo of the lochness monster with sunglasses on that he got while drunk in mexico one summer break.

presses flowers. usually he presses them to make bookmarks. leaves his favorite ones in his favorite books at the library for people to enjoy. if you ask him directly if he’s behind this random kindness though, he’ll tell you to fuck off.

has a pet goldfish that he’s successfully kept alive for six whole fucking years. her name is peaches. i think he’d fully lose it if peaches kicks it sometime soon too.

incredibly gifted when it comes to billiards. is known to drive further out of town to new bars to hustle people for money.

very much a “here’s my other headphone, let’s stare out the window together depressively” when on buses and train with his friends.

if you listen really hard in the library at like 8 pm, you will find him softly cry into the last book octavia checked out. come say hi, pals!

has very conflicting senses of style. likes clean lines and pristinely clean shirts and slacks which he then pairs with his most worn out chucks, and most lived in sweaters. if his shoes are clean and tidy then he has to be in a leather blazer. has this man ever brushed his hair in his life? absolutely not, but literally nothing he owns will ever appear wrinkled.

only has one pin on his leather messenger bag: “eat the rich” it says, as if he and literally most of his friends don’t consist of “the rich.”

his favorite book is love in a time of cholera

is a bit sentimental. he’s the type to keep movie tickets and receipts from good days he’s had with friends. he has them all in a big box, and when things are too heavy to bear he likes to sift through it all and remember all the pieces in time where things didn’t feel so ghastly. 

carries around a disposable camera. roman’s too lazy to get into actual film, but he likes the concept of physical photos, so he’ll usually have his wallet, keys, a book, and the shitty camera stuffed into his coat at all times. please note that his keys have an obnoxious amount of keychains for a man of his age. his favorite one is a koala whose eyes pop out when you squeeze it, gifted to him by his little sister. keeps a photo of his sister, octavia, and his best friend in his wallet, always.

he still hasn’t finished his book. needless to say, his publisher is really fucking pissed. every time someone brings it up, he says, “it’s almost done.” it’s not. not even close.

always always always makes wishes in fountains. keeps coins on him just for that purpose. and no, he never does reveal what he actually wishes for. 

the letter.

tivi, 

the other day i read somewhere that drowning is relatively quick. between the midst of the panic and terror, the average person only has between thirty to sixty seconds before they involuntarily suck in a mouthful of water. the pain of this process is supposed to be so severe, that you pass out. but just before you do, the lack of oxygen sends you into a state of euphoria. you feel nothing but the swath of water’s gentle embrace. it blankets your thoughts, and the water’s clasp around you is meant to bring you comfort, the same way babies like pools. it feels maternal, safe. i used to think love was like that. both terror and elation ribboned and sandwiched down into a single person. it was morbid, to compare death and love, i know that now. but perhaps my self conscious was always preparing me for this. the death of you. the death of my heart. the death of all things colored and pure in this life, all of which is to be buried with you and our child. do you think our baby would have liked pools? 

the pain is visceral. i can feel it, heavy and harsh in my lungs. in the crevices of my bones. in my arms, where the warmth of you lacks. i can even fucking taste it, even the bitter burn of scotch turning to ash in my mouth. no one knows how to approach this, or what to say to me. i keep receiving tight-lipped looks of people awash with pity and sympathy. you always hated when i cried. i did that a lot, didn’t i? a stupid fucking commercial about a father taking his daughter to ballet class and suddenly i’ve got my fists balled up hot and tight, and my eyes are at the ceiling trying to evaporate the ocean in my face. you were the only one i felt safe enough to be a complete an utter wreck in front of. but don’t worry, your headstone will get regular updates of my too loud, too long series of sobs. i’ll be forever faithful. 

i found ten synonyms in the thesaurus for “miss.” pine for, long to see, ache for, feel the loss of, regret the absence of, yearn for, feel nostalgic for, long for, need. none of them seem to fit this all consuming rot that you left behind in my heart. nonetheless, each of these substitute meanings live inside me. when i walk, i can feel them all shifting around, clashing around my insides, against one another, like bits of a snow-globe. except none of this feels glittery. i know it sounds childish, but before the day begins, and just as the misery begins to sink in, my first instinct is always to reach for my phone and call you to tell you about it. there was always honey to be found in your words. god, i fucking miss you.  

i have much to thank you for. it’d be naive to believe i could shrink all of it down into a single page, but i’ll try my best to do you justice. thank you for your patience, that of a saint at times. thank you for allowing me the great honor of your affection. thank you for every shard of laughter you extended to me. thank you for never calling me out on being a fucking awful dancer when i most certainly was. thank you for being the shepherd to my darkest secrets. [ REDACTED SECRET, BAYBEEEE ]  thank you for existing in my life, and washing my world with worth. i wish i could forget it now, but i’m afraid i’ll be chasing this, you, for the rest of forever. at least i have something to chase, i guess. thank you, thank you, thank you. 

tiv, wherever you are… please know that i love you and have loved you from the very moment we met. i would have died for you, but i don’t know if i can live like this for you. i feel carved out, hollow. you took with you every glimmer of light i had left. it’s too dark now… and enough of the prose for a second, i keep crying so god damn much i can barely see. like literally, i think fucking going blind too now. great. guess it really is dark now, huh baby? you would have hated this joke. 

come back. even just for a little while. i love you. i love you, i love you. should have said it more. 

i love you. 

forever yours, 

ro

the extras. 

pinterest board

spotify playlist

thank you for reading all of this if you did lol.

[moonfire0mermaid]

‘I Am the Guy’ - Pt. 1

Author’s Notes: 1. I’m not totally sure what this is, if I’ll continue, etc., but it was inspired by the great #bourbon_neat’s “seducing your best friend’s dad” audios on Soundgasm - Part 1 and Part 2. While I took some creative liberties here, the events that happen in those audios make this story go, and I’ve indicated with an asterisk (*) in the text where they’d fit chronologically, should you want to have a multi-media experience. 2. I’m challenging myself to crank out content in an effort to just shake out the writer rust. This is super unpolished. 3. In the aforementioned audios that inspired this, you’re the main subject. In an effort to keep that immersive element in this drabble, I refer to the corresponding female character as She or Her in bold. It can get confusing, so I decided to go overboard with identification. 4. ENJOY! 

________________________

It was the stray volleyball that did it, all those years ago. She was moving in, Kimmie Johnson was walking out, and Her ball fell out of the big box of sports supplies she was lugging into the new digs.

“You play?” Kimmie had asked.

“Yes,” she had said, beaming. “I’m trying out for the team once school starts.”

And that was that. Even though they were freshly 18 and met at a time where friendships fractured after graduation – and hell, She was new in town – the duo spent nearly every waking hour together. Sleepovers, post-volleyball yoga, college applications, just hanging with each other’s families.

She especially took a shine to Kimmie’s dad. His insights about life were interesting, she thought, and he was kind and funny. He asked good questions and seemed to care about her opinions. He was a good guy.

It was something She’d try and remind Kimmie during conversations about the Johnson’s seemingly strained marriage. Kimmie was frustrated that the obvious cracks in her parents’ relationships were brushed under the rug, and that she was kept in the dark on important family matters. As a result, Kimmie would routinely lament her parents and the frigid situation at home.

“Go easy on them. Your dad, especially. It seems like he’s trying,” She’d say.

“Yeah, you’re just saying that because you’ve got the hots for him,” Kimmie spat.

She would just blush. Kimmie was right; She had an awful crush on Kimmie’s handsome, thoughtful father. She hoped Mr. Johnson didn’t notice how often she stared.

___________________________

Soon after, life quickly changed for the girls. Both decided on a gap year, which they had planned to enjoy together. It was not to be.

A month before the end of summer, Kimmie was sad to learn that her friend’s mother became ill and her father was being relocated cross-country for work. As a result, She would be following her family to help around the house, giving them time to find quality in-home care. Then, She’d return back to town to go to the nearby university with Kimmie.

Meanwhile, Kimmie would work the long year of separation at the volleyball clinic, trying to make sense of the newly announced divorce of her parents alone.

Saying goodbye was worse than they anticipated.

“We’ll miss you, kiddo,” Mr. Johnson said when She came by Kimmie’s house to say goodbye. Crying, She’d spent the 15 seconds in his arms realizing that her sadness was not just about leaving Kimmie.

____________________________________

The year passed quickly*, and the two girls were thrilled to be finally reunited and starting their college career together. But the time apart had changed them, and Kimmie especially was disappointed to notice her friend was often distant, busy and distracted.

“I’m seeing someone,” She finally told Kimmie. “And I’m … it’s insane, this connection. He’s gorgeous and kind and thoughtful and wise – ”

“’Wise?’”

“— Yes, wise --- and the sex, I just –“ Her bashfulness kept her from continuing.

“What’s his name?” Kimmie asked.

“His name?” She hesitated. “RJ.”

Kimmie was both excited and wary about the developments, as only a friend who fears being replaced can.

___________________

Those fears were not completely unfounded.

“I’m pregnant and I’m keeping it,” She told Kimmie with wide eyes. She looked strange, her face a holograph; fear, exhilaration, delight, and embarrassment manifested there in turn.

Kimmie could barely hide her despair. It was only a month after the Her confession regarding the mysterious beau. So much for the future of their beloved friendship. Who was this guy? Kimmie hadn’t even met him. Their lives would diverge spectacularly.

“Congrats,” Kimmie said tersely, swallowing all her objections. She looked so happy, joy being the emotion that finally settled on her face. But that didn’t keep Kimmie from stewing. It just was three months to the day that they’d gotten back in town and less than a month from when She had told Kimmie about the existence of RJ. This had all happened so fast.

“He must be some guy,” Kimmie thought.

______________________

“Girl! When am I going to meet this RJ?? You are CARRYING his BABY and you’re nearly seven months along! How is it that your bestie still hasn’t met the father of your child?”

She looked down at her bump, cradled between her two dainty hands. It – along with the rest of her – was weirdly small for someone so far along in their pregnancy.

“I’m just – we’re taking it slow.”

Kimmie snorted, looking pointedly at the crest of Her stomach.

“I know. I guess – I’m enjoying this just being the two of us, for now. Everything got so hard core so suddenly, so I’m just trying to make everything else as uncomplicated as possible,” She replied.

“How is me meeting RJ complicated? I want to meet him. You’re my best friend. If our relationship is going to continue – and it will, it has to  – I need to know the guy who knocked you up. It’s important to me.”

She bit her lip, thinking.

“Why does she look so nervous?” Kimmie wondered.

“Ok. You’re right. Next week, let’s meet at that restaurant your dad always takes us to. The one with the great Rueben? I’ve been craving one like crazy.”

Kimmie smiled, relieved. “Portside. Sure! Next week. Text me the time that works for you. I’m excited.”

She, on the other hand, looked terrified.

_________________

Kimmie checked her phone again.

“Where is She?” Kimmie wondered. “She’s never – ”

Kimmie’s thoughts were obliterated by the sudden appearance of her best friend. At least, that’s who she thought it was.

It had been a week. Just seven days. And in that time, her friend’s body had completely bloomed. Being pregnant, that was hardly a total shock, but the swiftness of the change was startling – especially considering that She had, until recently, been carrying so small.

“Act normal,” Kimmie told herself, rearranging her face to as neutral an expression she could muster. It took effort, and Kimmie was glad She noticed her yet; it allowed Kimmie the extra time she needed to fully observe the extent of her friend’s transformation.

There was the belly, of course, which had popped so powerfully that Her spine curved to accommodate its girth. It had become so conspicuous that Kimmie wagered had she not known who this woman was, she would assume She was due any day. Indeed, Her hips, legs and ass had ballooned proportionate to Her core, demolishing the girl’s (once enviable) hourglass figure and replacing it with pronounced pear shape.

“She already looks like a mom,” Kimmie thought to herself.

Those weren’t the only changes, Kimmie noticed to her disappointment. Jutting out from the apex of her friend’s stomach was the outline of Her fully popped navel, thick and rubbery like a third nipple under Her swollen fingers.

Speaking of nipples, Her breasts had blossomed into massive, milky teats at least two cups bigger than her typical size. Even though Kimmie could see the outlines of a bra underneath Her clothes, it did little to conceal Her hulking nipples, newly elongated and stout like bottle caps on Her chest. There was an ache-y neediness about them; to Kimmie, they screamed, “suck me dry, they’re so heavy it HURTS.”

Her heavy waddle – which She did NOT have to resort to when Kimmie had seen her just those seven short days ago – was a co-conspirator with Her attire in making Her look completely wanton. Every jiggle of her massive tits; every breath that stretched her belly; every shake of her thigh and ass; every step of her swollen feet in strappy sandals; every line of her heavy-duty bra and tiny lacey thong was given a spotlight by the forward thrust of her gait and the skin-tight pencil dress that somehow made it up and over the collection of globes that was once Her body. It didn’t help that moving required the forward thrust of her monstrous core, requiring her to splay her hips forward and balance a hand on the small of her back, a swollen rudder for her ripened form. 

“Why is she WEARING that?” Kimmie thought to herself, willing herself not to blush with the secondhand embarrassment.

It was then that She finally noticed Kimmie, her bloated face contorting into a nervous smile.

______________________

After having to move their seats from a booth to a table (She couldn’t fit), waiting through Her three bathroom runs, and ordering an ungodly amount of food (“I’m eating for two, you know,” She had wryly, with shy pat of her tummy), She and Kimmie were finally settled.

“So! I can’t wait to finally meet this guy. RJ! Finally!” Kimmie said, trying her best to normalize their conversation. She was met with silence.

“Um – you ok? Still glad you’re gonna be a baby momma? That dress sure doesn’t make it seem that way.”

“I know, right? RJ, he’s particular. He asked me to wear it today, otherwise I’d be in something elastic and stretchy and that lets me breatheeeee.” She laughed and rolled her eyes. “I mean, I’m huge now. It happened overnight. And it’s a strain on me, in a lot of ways, and the baby shit is happening quicker than I had planned. I mean, I’m a freshman in college, for fuck’s sake.”

She was babbling.  

“But this guy – RJ – he’s the love of my life and Kimmie, I want you to know that I -- ”

Kimmie was suddenly distracted from Her ramblings by a familiar figure waving and quickly approaching the table.

“This must be him,” she thought, only to realize with surprise it was her father, Randy. He hadn’t told her he was ordering out for lunch today. “He could’ve at least asked me if I wanted anything!”

“Dad! Hey! What are you doing here?” Kmmie said with a smile. “I’m about to meet the boyfriend. The one who She’s having the baby with! I told you She was pregnant, remember?”

He grinned, sheepishly, taking a seat at the table.

“That’s why I’m here, actually.”

Randy’s hope that his daughter would put two and two together quickly was immediately dashed.

“Oh? You … know the guy, or …?”

He swallowed a nervous laugh as he reached out his hands – one to clasp Her’s, the other to place possessively on her ponderous belly.

“Kimmie honey, I am the guy,” he said.

[rcfcel]

*  /  𝔰𝔲𝔯𝔭𝔯𝔦𝔰𝔢  𝔟*𝔱𝔠𝔥𝔢𝔰  !  bet  you  thought  you'd  seen  the  last  of  me  !  lol  apparently  i  like  to  challenge  myself  and  just  haD  to  bring  in  my  new  man  so  yeah  hi  ,  meet  raf  /  rj  !  i'm  v  excited  for  y'all  to  meet  him  —  fair  warning  ,  i'm  starting  from  scratch  with  him  cause  i  got  #inspired  so  i  apologize  if  the  info  below  is  a  mess  !  pls  love  us  .

( tommy martinez, cis male, he/him ) i just saw RAFAEL MICHELENA walking down the streets of provincetown the other day playing CHATEAU by BLACKBEAR out loud. rumor has it that the TWENTY THREE year old is GENEROUS, but can also be AGGRESSIVE — overall they’re a MAVERICK. they remind me of LEATHER SEATS IN BLACK CADILLACS, CIGARETTES SMASHED TO ASHES IN ASHTRAYS, & MALT WHISKEY POURED OVER ICE. ( lenny the pooh, 5, antarctica, she/her )

—— * / 𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔟𝔞𝔰𝔦𝔠𝔰 :

full name : rafael johan michelena

nicknames : raf , rj

age / dob : twenty3 / february 14 , 1996

gender : cis male ( he / him )

sexuality : openly bisexual

occupation : firefighter

hometown : provincetown , ma

label : the maverick ( an unorthodox or independent-minded person )

—— * / 𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔰𝔱𝔬𝔯𝔶 :

so dear rafael here was raised by a single father after his mother passed away shortly after he was born due to complications during labour . raf’s father never really wanted kids as he’d been wanting to focus on his paramedic career and was worried he wouldn’t be home enough to be with his family , but his beloved wife had assured him everything would work out in the end — which , of course , it didn’t really because he was left alone with a baby boy he didn’t know how to take care of .

his dad struggled for most of raf’s childhood , having to juggle both his demanding career and an even more demanding child , but with the help of close family and a very generous family who lived next door and took care of raf whenever his father worked night shifts , it all did work out in the end , just as his late mother had promised .

despite his father being away so much , raf developed a very strong relationship with his father . when he was young , his father was away a lot because he was just starting in paramedics so he got stuck with the less desirable shifts — but as rj grew older , his father moved up the ranks of his career and finally made it into a position that didn’t keep him away from home as late , allowing the two to spend some actual time together .

from a young age , raf knew he wanted to save lives like his father . fun fact : one night when he was young and staying over at the neighbour’s house , he drew a little picture of his father in uniform and then drew himself wearing a little uniform too — the neighbour showed this to his father when he picked him up and the grown man damn near cried .

raf has always been super proud of his dad for chasing his dreams and taking on each obstacle that came his way . 

at first , he wanted to follow in his father’s footsteps and become a paramedic — which he did , for a short while . after his school graduation , he went to school to get his emt ( emergency medical technician ) certificate and then worked to become a paramedic , by the time he was twenty one he was working the same job in provincetown his dad had been when he was young .

after about a year and a half , raf realized he wanted more . as a paramedic he worked closely with the provincetown firefighters and had always found their bravery inspiring . he got along with the crew well and one night over drinks he confided in them about possibly following along their career path instead . of course they all jumped to say do it , while also giving raf good advice and facts about the job , but nothing they said scared raf away from it — if anything , he was even more excited .

so fast forward a few months , and a very gruelling entrance exam and training period , and he switched out his paramedic uniform for a firefighter uniform and joined his buddies in the station .

it’s been about a year now since he first put on that uniform and rj truly hasn’t looked back since . the hours are rough and the job is laborious , but it’s also super rewarding and he wouldn’t change it for the world .

currently , he lives in a cozy ass apartment in provincetown on his own , although he spends many nights at the station when he’s on duty so i have this headcanon that his apartment is like .. hotel raf lmAO like need a place to crash and get away from shit ? there’s a spare key under the mat .

—— * / 𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔦𝔫𝔰𝔦𝔡𝔢 :

labels(s) : the maverick , the hedonist , the contingent

maverick : due to his father’s extraneous job , raf grew extremely independent at a young age . when he was finally old enough to stay home and take care of himself , he honestly thrived .

hedonist : working in such emotionally challenging jobs has taught raf to really live life to its fullest and treasure every moment . he never takes anything for granted and is almost always looking for a fun time during his days off .

contingent : while his independence is clear in how he can take care of himself and make his own decisions , raf is incredibly dependent on those around him for support and companionship . he struggles with being alone and is in constant need of company and friendship .

traits : generous , charming , aggressive , protective , passionate , diligent , indulgent , short - tempered .

aesthetics : leather seats in black cadillacs , thick ringlets curling around chiseled features , black jeans with a lighter in the back pocket , cigarettes smashed to ashes in ashtrays , malt whiskey poured over ice , callused hands stuffed in the pockets of a leather jacket .

soundtrack : honestly , i’ve been listening to blackbear during raf’s entire conception so you can literally just listen to his entire discography to get a feel for his vibe .

personality : while he inherited his father’s passion , drive , and general kind demeanour , raf definitely made a name for himself with his slightly mysterious aura at first glance — maybe it’s the mostly black wardrobe , the cigarette that usually dangles from his lips , or the way his brow creases whenever he listens to someone speak like they’re the only person in the universe , he’s a little intimidating at first — but honestly , anyone who really knows him would laugh at people who comment on his mystery : “ yeah , i thought he was gonna be a total asshole at first , could not have been more wrong though ” has definitely been said numerous times about him .

raf’s actually probably the biggest teddy bear in ptown . his heart is somehow bigger than his hair and he welcomes everyone into his life with open arms ( after a short trial run to make sure they’re not gonna fuck with him of course )

he truly loves his friends more than anything . i’m not kidding when i say his apartment is hotel raf cause legit if u need a place to crash , even if it’s 4 in the morning , you can knock on his door and he’ll likely even give up his bed for you .

wears his heart on his sleeve , probably a little too much for his own good , but thrives off of honesty and trust so he’s definitely your go to guy if you’ve got shit going on .

also your go to guy if you need someone’s ass kicked . he’s a firefighter for crying out loud , he drinks preworkout like it’s water and could probably bench the entire snack pack lbr .

he’s a big old hopeless romantic too — he was born on valentine’s day after all .

—— * / 𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔠𝔬𝔫𝔫𝔢𝔠𝔱𝔦𝔬𝔫𝔰 :

once again , let me scream into the void that i am open to pretty much anything . lay it all on me , give me your worst and just rIP my heart out why don’t you . but ! below is a list of ideas i brainstormed up for raf 

i really want someone from the family that helped take care of him when he was little !

neighbours , childhood best friends , childhood crush / first kiss

gym buddies PLS give raf a buddy he can call up to go play basketball or challenge to a weight lifting comp LOL

past / present hook ups ! raf’s an emotional guy but his job is stressful as fuck and he def needs soME sort of way to unwind .

exes ! mayhaps they dated in high school and broke up cause theY went off to college while raf stayed back in ptown .

brOS OHMYGODPLS give me joey and chandler , jake and charles , troy and chAD

a brother / sister friendship pls ! someone he can be way too protective of .

platonic soulmates ! my fav !!

an angsty flirtationship / skinny love type deal .

—— * / 𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔥𝔢𝔞𝔡𝔠𝔞𝔫𝔬𝔫𝔰 :

his apartment is suPER masculine . like exposed brick walls , brown leather couches , stainless steel appliances , dark oak tables and shelves , probably big windows all over the place cause he loves natural sunlight . and the whole snack pack 100% knows where the spare key is in case of emergencies ( insert that one scene of friends where monica’s like “ i gave you that key for emergencies ” and phoebe’s like “ we were out of doritos ” )

he’s got a lil grey pit bull named lily that he saved a few months ago ! she’s his pride and joy .

like .. rarely uses his phone . he’s got all the social medias , but only really checks it when someone tags him in something or whatever . prefers to call over text cause texting annoys him , he’s an impatient fuck .

definitely is the pack’s lil doctor . he’ll always unwind and have a fun time , but will 100% be on alert at all times for accidents or anything bad that could happen . and if it does happen , he’s first on the scene — i mean , why wouldn’t you want a licensed paramedic that looks like tommy martinez icing your sprained ankle right ?

he’s never really travelled much , aside from the times he’s been called to neighbouring towns / cities during big emergencies and such with his crew . he’s got major wanderlust and really wants to travel to venezuela and such , but he’s also perfectly content staying in ptown for now .

he’s a celiac — idk why , i just wanted to give him some sort of weakness cause he seems too perfect rn .