#the dissertation
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The university and my advisor are conspiring to make the end of all this as absolutely difficult as it can be BUT I SHALL PREVAIL
#you know what? you know what???#if it's a choice between a slightly less generous amount of time for my committee to ignore my dissertation before speed-reading it#and me being rushed to defend my dissertation make and submit final edits and pack up my house to move across the country in a week#I AM GOING TO BE RUDE TO THEM. get out. multiple months of time i could have had back if my advisor had been on the ball earlier#let this be a lesson to him. it won't he's set in his ways BUT IT SHOULD BE#once again: foolhardy plans i consider professional risks#spirit of eugenides help me to be difficult and right in this time#(i may be slightly catastrophizing here but i just need to know i will be firm if it does come to it. phone call later today)#the dissertation
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please i love you i'm begging you bring back suspension of disbelief bring back trusting the audience like. i cannot handle any more dialogue that sounds like a legal document. "hello, i am here to talk to you about the incident from a few minutes ago, because i feel you might be unwell, and i am invested in your personal wellbeing." "thank you, i am unwell because the incident was hurtful to me due to my childhood, which was bad." I CANT!!!!
do you know how many people are mad that authors use "growled" as a word for "said"? it's just poetics! they do not literally mean "growled," it's just a common replacement for "said with force but in a low tone." it's normal! do you hear me!! help me i love you please let me out of here!!!
#i am so sick of writers having to anticipate the most boring#bad-faith readings of their work. i am like - if you use cheese as a currency#okay! as long as the world makes sense to me: cool. cheese tax. moving on.#my job as the reader is to suspend my disbelief and say okay! i am so sick of like#fanfiction authors having to write dissertations#because they had an interesting idea they'd like to try out!!!#just write it! if it doesn't make sense that's someone else's problem!!!#PS OP is autistic. yes sometimes i take things literally at first glance. then i think about it lol#this is so clearly not about accessibility etc. it's about like. girl even i an autistic person#am able to understand ''they probably didn't mean his eyes darkened LITERALLY''
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state of you // 花城
qifrey cover redraw! because i realized what's better than drawing blorbo once is drawing blorbo four times
(no reposts; reblogs appreciated)
#i did say i'd draw hc in every stage of life so here are some stages!#my art#artists on tumblr#digital art#fanart#heaven official's blessing#tgcf#hua cheng#tian guan ci fu#天官赐福#wu ming#this is shaping up to be worse than my star wars phase#my sister asked me if hc was a pirate#and i had to do some self-reexamination bc i thought i had escaped my pirate-themed media era#but no im still here#i think hc is pirate adjacent#not only bc the eyepatch and general rudeness and murder but also#bc he does what he wants in accordance with a really specific set of morals that other ppl don't understand#i'll stop here or this will become a whole dissertation#anyway the coloring process for this was weird but it worked out yayy
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i'll be seeing you, part 2
#the locked tomb#tlt#tlt fanart#harrowhark nonagesimus#gideon nav#griddlehark#gideon the ninth#harrow the ninth#severance spoilers#i guess.... sorry if you haven't watched simply close your eyes <3#tlt severance au#emerging from the yuri mines at 3 am like. girl this dissertation is not getting written#drawings
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this guy has a tablet like 100% of the time there's no way he wasn't an ipad baby okay
#tlt#tlt fanart#tlt shitposting#mercymorn the first#(i love u mercy i bet u wrote a dissertation on brainrot too)#i also know in my heart that she can Speak In Capital Letters#john gaius#htn
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I don’t know if i hallucinated this but i swear earlier seasons Bradley said something about hoping Arthur realises Merlin has magic on his own.
And i wish, i wish, that had been the case.
That Arthur, knocked out, bleeding, injured, awakes too early and sees Merlin, eyes golden and angry, bending the power of the earth in raw wrath and fury towards their enemy.
And Arthur is bloody fucking terrified. But Merlin screams ‘not him, never him, never Arthur’ and the earth shakes and… Arthur can’t even remember what poor soul or creature had thrown him from his horse, certainly not now their body is torn apart by Merlin’s words and his flaming gaze.
Of course Arthur is terrified. Is he hallucinating? Is this some malevolent vision? His head throbs and he can taste blood in his mouth and he can see Merlin, Merlin his incompetent and clumsy and funny and innocent and soft and gentle manservant who wakes Arthur with a brilliant smile and some drivel about lazy daisies, stood like a deep and dark and threatening shadow over what was left of a once-body.
Arthur’s breath comes in short gasps and tears prick his eyes. Panic. And Merlin turns to him as he clamps his eyes shut against the image of Merlin dripping with death and anger. But deep within his shattering mind a small voice whispers to him. The voice is soft and gentle, blonde curls and kind eyes and patient hands cupping his cheek. She reminds him of each time Merlin has looked at him with pure, unadulterated devotion - his eyes deep and blue, a tiny ring of gold-green swirling around his pupils. How each time Arthur’s lain on the brink of death, and Merlin has never left his side, tending to his wounds with such tenderness that Arthur has never felt before. How it was in Arthur’s name that Merlin’s magic, Merlin’s magic, raged.
Another voice, thick and real and worried, breaks through the soft whisper of Ygraine.
Arthur felt shaking hands - how could they be so gentle when moments before it was from them that such unbridled power was released - stroke his matted and sweat-soaked hair, wiping the blood Arthur felt trickle down his cheek away. Arthur forces open his eyes, meeting Merlin’s as the gold fades to the deep familiar ocean-blue.
Did Merlin know Arthur had seen? How much blood had soaked Merlin’s hands when Arthur had lain unconscious, how many victories has Merlin won in Arthur’s name?
And deep within Arthur’s heart he knows he is safe in this sorcerer’s hands. Knows in fact he’d choose these hands over anyone else’s.
But Arthur can’t say the words just yet. He can’t admit to himself that the man he loves is made from that which he hates. Hated. Has been taught to hate. A new wound has been torn in him, one not made of blood and flesh. Because if Merlin is magic, how can magic be evil.
So Arthur lets Merlin’s hands and Merlin’s words and Merlin’s soft smiles wash over him. He feigns ignorance of what he saw.
But he watches. His wounds sit quietly: clean and placid from Merlin’s assiduous care. His face is washed from blood and grime by Merlin, who had fussed and worried as he went. Now he watches. He notices the damp wood Merlin had collected whilst the rain has fallen burst into eager flames within seconds of Merlin’s attentive hands and wonders how he never noticed before.
When they return to Camelot, limping but alive, Arthur notices the stone-deep warmth that graces his chambers. Where his room should be chilled and still from his absence instead there’s a soft and humble feeling of life suffused throughout, and Arthur realises with a small, private smile it is the same feeling that radiates from Merlin.
The lessening part of him argues he should recoil. For why is he rejoicing at feeling the touch of a sorcerer all around him. But Arthur argues back. He’s felt the saccharin, sticky grip of dark, evil magic masquerading as sweet ladies or sycophantic servants. He remembered the groggy, aching return to his own mind after Sofia had dragged him under her spell. Merlin’s gentle, joyous presence is worlds away. His magic may be hidden from Arthur, but Merlin’s grinning insults and blatant disregard for any sort of protocol meant any fears for further hidden motive besides self preservation withered immediately.
Arthur keeps watching. He notices now the shine his armour has, beyond what weary hands and cloth could ever achieve. He notices, or rather feels, when Percival’s muscled arm brings down the practice sword and Arthur - his mind worlds away - notices too late, yet the ensuing bruise is not angry and mottled but timid and quickly fades, even though ordinary chainmail would never have warded off such a blow. He notices Merlin’s unbridled joy when the two of them leave Camelot for the forest. He notices the bird that lands on Merlin’s shoulder, the whispered smiles Merlin exchanges with the creature. He notices the grass grow a little taller beneath Merlin’s feet, the way the trees bend to him as if they’re greeting a long lost friend.
Slowly, magic - or at least Merlin’s magic - loses the rotten, sharp edge Uther had imposed. Arthur begins to yearn to see the flames of the fire burning in his room reflected once more in Merlin’s eye. Still he can’t quite bring the words lingering in his throat up to his lips. Guilt begins to fester. Arthur remembers the years of Uther’s reign, how the screams of burning sorcerers - some of them so young, so young - had echoed through the cold stones of Camelot. He remembers now Merlin’s pale face and wide eyes, ghosted with tears Arthur knew not what for. He knows now.
And so when his knights bring him talk of a druid camp away to the south, Arthur stands tall, facing the court, and tells them to leave it be. That there will be no more raids (not that he had issued any since his ascension to the throne, but no formal proclamation had thus far been made). He tells himself privately he will end the ban on magic. He will forge a Camelot where Merlin will not live in fear, in a half life. The faces staring back are curious, some wary. But the one meeting Arthur’s steady gaze, wide-eyed with a shocked, gentle, proud, smile and slightly trembling hands gripping the wind jug, is that which Arthur cares about. He gives a slight nod. Too subtle for anyone else to notice, but as obvious and clear to Merlin as it ever could be, the two of them long since having needed words to communicate.
Merlin has a lot of questions. Naturally. They tumble from him as Arthur undresses behind the screen. And Arthur knows now that he’s ready. Merlin has magic. Merlin is magic. And Merlin is good. Deeply good. The words don’t quiver and cower in his throat.
And I wish Arthur had then told him. Had taken a deep breath and met Merlin’s gaze and told him he knew. That he had been scared. But he had trusted. Trusts. Loves.
We deserved Merlin fighting beside Arthur, raw devotion and power and fierce, fierce love.
#putting off my dissertation#my dissertation is also on magic so is this even procrastination#bbc merlin#merthur#merlin#incorrect merlin quotes#merthur fanfic prompt
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So normal about Jon being like I don’t remember what you looked like but the man who let you die is going to suffer for what he did to you. If only Sasha coulda seen that.
So normal about Jon being like you died hating me and wanting me dead but I’m still gonna make sure this man knows I’m ending him in your name. Sure wish Tim coulda seen that.
So normal about the fact that everyone believed Jon was losing his humanity but no one got to see the ways his love and compassion for the people he lost or who hurt him drove him to that final moment.
So normal about the fact that even after everything Jonah’s done to Jon, the only person he never thinks to get justice for is himself.
#same energy as Jon diving into the buried to save the woman who tried to kill him#for all his flaws Jon’s a good person at his core#he just wholeheartedly believes he deserves to be hated so he never even tries to explain himself#analysis#istg every time I post one of these I get closer to writing a full dissertation on this guy#tma#the magnus archives#jon sims#jonathan sims#tim stoker#tma 200#sasha james#jonah magnus
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One of my coworkers calls her dissertation her “dissy” and I can’t stop wondering if making “Dissy Hypno” would hit with a specific brand of doctoral student.
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I finished DS9 and here's my first offering to the fandom.
The show is just SO GOOD!! I wanna talk about it so bad, so I will spam the tags quite a bit... My bad. Also, the people who said Bashir would get better - you were right, he became a lot more fun! Plus he's got a teddy bear, that's peak character right there.
#star trek deep space nine#ds9#julian bashir#elim garak#garashir#fanart#my art#ALRIGHT - Let the yap session begin.#First of all: was part of the reason Bashir grew on me because of Garak? Yes#But I'd argue being part of a old man yaoi ship is a valid reason to like a character#This ship is crazy btw#The fact that I had to do RESEARCH to even UNDERSTAND Garashir smut is insane#Never in my life I thought I'd have to read multiple paragraphs about an alien race's anatomy (fanmade) to read smut#Also if anyone has any fic recs... I'm open to them#And I need to say this so SPOILERS FOR S7 OF DS9!!#I did not see the chemistry between Bashir and Ezri. Didn't like it at all#She got taken by the Breen and BOOM next thing we know she has feelings for him that even she didn't know about??#And he has the same even though they had a solid friendship before? Idk#Ngl I though fucking Dukat and Winn had more going on for them than those two - they at least were funny#Loved the ending though. Def my favorite STrek if I don't count TOS#TOS has a special place in my heart because I love goofy shit and it has some GEMS#But if I had to recommend a friend to watch any STrek it's definetly be DS9#Okey! I think that's all I can spam in the tags without writing out an entire dissertation#The TL;DR is Garashir is a great ship but an insane fic experience and DS9 is a damn good show
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IT'S GONE IT'S DONE
#complete dissertation draft DONE#do i have any feelings about this? no i am consumed with focus on driving away from my house in 20 minutes#still done!!!#the dissertation#this is just like two years ago when i spent 8 days writing prelims and then flew for 48 hours to a conference for a retiring prof#and then flew back and did my oral exam#that time the product sucked. this time i think the product is fine to pretty good. so we're improving overall
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Brown trout, experimenting with just using colours right out the pot rather than mixing
#my art#sketchbook#for part of my dissertation im fully finishing a fresh sketchbook and its like pushing a boulder up a hill atm#need to experiment more#marine life#marine biology#sea creatures#fishblr#fish art#freshwater fish#trout
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more tcf doodles!
#tcf#lcf#cale henituse#alberu crossman#I SUBMITTED MY DISSERTATION 🥳🤸♀️🏃🫂#heres an art dump#i hate academia i hate essays#my art
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Since book 7 part 5 (the part where we meet Meleanor/Maleanor 👀) is coming to EN this month, i would love to see your take on lilia’s proposal to meleanor! i mean they were like little kids right? it couldn’t have been that serious…i think the only reason she even brought it up again is because she could tell lilia still genuinely loved her…(even if he didn’t realize it himself?) but, oh well! Let’s think about silly childhood shenanigans to numb the pain! ^_^ (orz)
oh shit?! get ready for a doozy guys, it's comiiiiiing ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ
I chickened out of posting the whole thing (look, I get VERY carried away when it comes to these wacky kids and their Tragedy), but I do believe that it probably ended with Lilia getting embarrassed and just shoving the first thing he sees into his mouth to try and cover for it.
(we're just lucky it wasn't a frog this time)
#art#twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland spoilers#twisted wonderland episode 7 spoilers#twisted wonderland book 7 spoilers#twisted wonderland episode 7 part 5 spoilers#twisted wonderland book 7 part 5 spoilers#please excuse the Dissertation that's about to happen (i have too much headcanon about them)#they've been ambiguous about most of the fae aging/developmental stages (plus lilia and mel's species age differently)#so this is entirely me assuming based on context#but i think that lilia being ~99 was probably about the equivalent of 9-10ish?#(i don't think his age maps perfectly onto 'human age times 10') (if only because i absolutely do not believe general lilia is 29)#(but in this case it feels right to me)#and i think of meleanor as being just slightly older (like ~11-12ish)#so like...kids but not LITTLE-little kids#so i think lilia was serious in a 'i have a huge crush on you and i haven't thought beyond that' kind of way#and meanwhile mel was more cognizant of how their dynamic was basically#lilia: i would die for you#meleanor: that's dumb#(lilia 600 years later: man she was right. that was dumb.)#but yeah I think she might've assumed (or hoped) he would grow out of it#except whoops oh no it just got worse#and then raverne made things MORE complicated and you know honestly maybe getting murdered was kind of a relief#meleanor in heaven: well at least he won't accidentally raise my kid to have the exact same -- are you kidding me#(i have too many thoughts to express properly i'm sorry) (i just. love these morons a lot okay.)
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Some stills from my PMV:
youtube
#lackadaisy#viktor vasko#elsa bastion#fanart#pmv#Youtube#dont look at these too long through I winged it on the backgrounds#when I drop my dissertation on these characters then you will all realize
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God, the intimacy of Astarion feeding from you.
Astarion drinking from your neck as he pulls your body closer to his in bed, his chest up against your back, his arms wrapped around your waist. It's a casual thing, now, his whispered can I? and your answering nod, as much a part of your bedtime routine as your bath or his curl care. You sigh as his fangs pierce your skin and his fingers flex against your stomach. His breath hitches when the taste of you hits his tongue, and that's familiar too, the physicality of it, the noises he makes low in his throat as he drinks, the way he grows warmer against you as your blood begins to flow through his veins. Nothing else makes you feel so heady, so intoxicated- so comforted.
Astarion drinking from your wrist when he’s starving for it and can’t wait to get you more comfortable. Pulling him into an alleyway one night on the way home from the Elfsong because you can see how badly he's craving in the way he can't keep his eyes off of the pulse point in your neck. He seizes your arm with both hands (can I? Yes-), bringing the soft skin on the inside of your wrist to his lips. He has just enough presence of mind to kiss the heel of your hand distractedly before he bites, fangs sliding through your skin and into the vein. The sound he makes can only be described as a growl, something feral and possessive (and you'll never tell him that it turns you on, since he would be insufferable about it- a promise to yourself that lasts exactly as long as the space between the moment and the next time you're tipsy and want him).
(NSFW Below!)
Astarion drinking from your inner thigh, one hand holding your leg steady and the other cupping your cunt. You groan, eyes shut in pleasure, as his thumb comes to rub your clit. The pain of the bite is barely pain this way- it collides with the pleasure in your belly and sends you almost out of your mind, overwhelmed with sensation and heat. He takes you all the way there, takes just enough from you to have you relaxed and pliant and soaring somewhere above your own body, plays you like an instrument with all the knowledge of you he's gathered over the months, the years. He knows when you're close, knows to crook his fingers inside you just so, knows the reaction he's going to get when he pulls away from your thigh for just a moment and looks up at you with dark eyes and tells you to come for him, he wants to see it, you fall apart so beautifully and it's all for him, isn't it, tell him how good he makes you feel and when you climax with his voice in your ear and the scent of blood on the air he has the audacity to laugh at how well he understands you, your body.
He's soft, after, softer than he'll ever be with anyone who isn't you. He licks you clean before he takes you to the bath, carrying you with the strength your lifeblood gives him. It's the least he can do for you, with everything you've given him: not just your body, but your trust, your closeness, and he will never stop being grateful.
#astarion x you#astarion x reader#astarion smut#astarion x tav#astarion bg3#.astarion#.nsft#i'm never gonna be normal about this sorry. one day y'all are gonna get a dissertation on the incredible intimacy of sharing blood#side note but...i feel like astarion doesn't usually feed during penetrative sex because he Will just lose his mind. feral. out of control#he makes that mistake with you one (1) time right at the beginning of the romance in act 1 and swears he will NEVER do it again (lying)#anyway. my askbox is open. for like minds. and unlike minds actually
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