#the epitome of i dont want to be different i am just a little guy u see

[kxllerblond]

my guilty pleasure is clark in ships with eldritch abominations or mega powerful monsters where he is or is close to being that tropey "yeah but ur different <33 xoxoxo" but clark is just stressed and like I Do Not Want to Be That Though.

[six-eyed-samurai]

Hello ! (I’m not sure if your requests are open but I love your fics so I really wanted to try 😭) Could you maybe write a Genya x Male reader one ? Where like Genya deals with confusion and internalised homophobia after realising he fell in love with a guy ? IM SO SORRY IF YOU DONT DO MALE READERS OR SMTH LIKE THAT, HAVE A GOOD DAY !!

SUMMARY: Genya's emotionally constipated. It's the Shinazugawa genes - but even more so when it comes to...guys?!

A/N: KYAAH Ty anon glad you enjoyed, and DW my inbox is open anytime I'm just a little slow in writing rn because of exams and I'm moving house. I have done male reader before but I'm not too used to writing gay T-T so I'm sorry if this turned out the way you wanted

WARNINGS: Male reader in case you don't read the asks and only warnings/Minor swearing

Much romance happens at Kimetsu Academy.

There's Zenitsu and Nezuko, although Genya considers it more of an obsession on the blonde’s end seeing as Nezuko doesn't openly display any signs of liking him back romantically, whatever the delusional idiot thinks. There's also Tanjiro and Kanao, the perfect epitome of friends to lovers. And whatever Aoi and Inosuke have going on.

But none of that ever happened to Genya. Sure, he thought the occasional girl was pretty or nice, but aside from the fact he explodes into a tomato just from a simple “hello” he's never been actually interested. Of course that occasionally made him feel a bit left out amongst his friends, like he was missing something great, but hey, Muichiro and him would be single pringles forever and that was fine.

(Genya's very betrayed to find out Muichiro had received a confession…and was considering accepting it.)

But it was a little unbelievable to the Kamaboko Squad that in all of the sixteen years of his life he had never had a crush, hence the interrogation they were giving him that particular day during lunch.

“Have you never fallen in love? At all?!” Genya wants to snort; as if Zenitsu would ever notice anybody else's love life but his own.

“HAHAHAHAA! LOSER!”

Tanjiro calmly shoved Inosuke away from a fuming Genya, smiling brightly. “I'm sure Genya has one! And we'll be more than happy to help him confess!”

“Aren't crushes supposed to be secret-”

“Then we have to figure out who it is first!” Zenitsu hollers.

“No-”

“Is it Kocho?!”

Kanao, Tanjiro and Genya both look scandalised but Zenitsu barrels on. Aoi face palms. Inosuke steals everyone's food.

“Is it Kanrojii?!”

“Why is everyone you're listing so much older than me!”

“OKAY, OKAY! Uh…Koyuki-”

“SHE'S ENGAGED TO SOMEONE ELSE!”

“Sheesh, I got it, stop yelling! That Shabana girl?”

“Just why-”

“Maybe Genya does like someone but just doesn't realize it,” Kanao offers timidly.

“That's a good point, Kanao!” Tanjiro beams, causing Genya and Kanao to flush red but for entirely different reasons.

“How am I supposed to know if I like someone?”

“If you find them cute?”

“That seems really superficial,” Aoi says disapprovingly.

“You'll get really nervous around them, like your heart speeds up. You'll probably stare at them a lot too, and want to do lots of things for them, maybe hold open doors?” Tanjiro nods wisely.

“And they're the first person you look at to see if they're laughing at a joke,” Kanao agrees.

Genya considers. “Then none of the girls you just listed, honestly.”

“It's alright, you'll find the one for you one day. There's no rush now.”

“HAHAHA! TENYA IIDA IS GOING TO BE ALONE FOREVER! HAHAHHAA!”

“MY NAME IS GENYA!”

***

Truth be told Genya had lied.

It wasn't a lie exactly either. More of…an avoidance of the truth. He didn't feel that way about any girls Zenitsu had mentioned, or any of the girls at school.

But he did like someone, yes.

Or no. Definitely not. It couldn't possibly be.

“Oh, hey, Shinazugawa.” Your simple wave as you joined his side outside the classroom door was enough to get his heart pounding and slightly sweaty like he had just suffered an entire class with the gym teacher Tomioka.

“Thanks for holding the door!” You call out over your shoulder, flashing him a bright smile while entering the class and taking your seat. You immediately turn to start talking with your friends, something Genya's extreme thankfully for because then you can't see the tomato red that's painting his face as he's still stuck, frozen and speechless, by the door. Only Iguro-sensei’s cold “Do you plan to have the lesson by the door or something?” Shook him out of it.

You're so confusing, Genya thinks, averting his eyes when you catch his with a mouthed “oops” and raised eyebrows, because he wants to revel in your attention and hide in a hole from it at the same time.

It was a pleasant kind of confusion, though. The kind he wouldn't mind thinking about forever; it gave him an oddly warm, fidgety feeling inside like he had just drunk an entire thermos of hot chocolate and got marshmallows to top it off. Then he promptly slaps himself (mentally) because he shouldn't be thinking about this, that and you.

Not like it stopped him from staring at the back of your head all through class. He doesn't realize it until your friend turns their head around and makes a face at him, leaning closer to you to whisper something. Genya panics and ducks his head, burying it into his arms for a few minutes before he judges it's safe to look up.

And when he does you're smiling at him knowingly, as if the both of you knew something the rest don't. Oh good lord.

Your laughter is something Genya wishes he could make as well, when the whole class watches Iguro-sensei trying to tell Inosuke off, but the dumbass can't get the teacher’s name right at all. He finds himself laughing as well, a combination of that and because of you before it hits him.

“You'll get really nervous around them, like your heart speeds up. You'll probably stare at them a lot too, and want to do lots of things for them, maybe hold open doors?”

Oh shit. Check, check, check.

“And they're the first person you look at to see if they're laughing at a joke.”

And check?!

Shit shit shit shit shit-

Genya groans. He does like you after all.

But that's not right, it's got to be wrong.

You're a boy. Genya's not gay…at least he didn't think so…Then again he's never actually liked a girl. But he's never liked a boy either. Until you.

Forget it! You're not a crush, you're the reason why Genya is going to drive himself crazy right now! Hell, why did the idea feel so wrong but so right at the same time?

Genya rubbed his temples. If he was being honest the idea only seemed so wrong because…well, because he's just never considered that possibility before. It just hasn't really occured to him he might be attracted to the same gender. It's a new concept, yes, but…not really a terrible one. He got all red with girls yes but it wasn't because he like-liked them or thought they were cute.

Was crushing on a guy really going to be any different than a girl then? Genya groaned again. Judging by his behaviour these days…yeah, not really.

Okay, then if hypothetically he DID like you and he liked guys…how would Sanemi and his friends react? Would they still want to hang out with him? Would Sanemi still…consider him his brother? What would his mom think?

What a headache. What would…you think? It'd be pretty embarrassing to like you and you're straight, Genya thought. Then again was he even sure he was gay, even certain he had a big fat crush on you?

“Hey, you alright?” The voice startles Genya out of his thoughts. He lifts up his head and looks around, startled to see everyone's left. Shit, he hadn't even realized class was over. Idiot.

He glances to his left and nearly dies of fright.

You cock an eyebrow. “Um, seeing a ghost, Genya?”

“No!” He just about shouts, flailing his arms as he tries to stop himself from falling out of his chair. “I'm fine! Really! Sorry…just, just kinda out of it.”

“Wanna talk about it?”

Yeah, let's talk about how I've just realized I might be-

“It's fine, it's nothing important.” Genya notices your fidgeting however. “What about you?”

You hesitate. You're playing with your sleeves quite nervously. It's making him paranoid.

“I'm just…there's a new arcade that just opened up.”

“Sounds fun,” Genya offers. He's got barely enough brain cells still functioning from the close proximity between you both.

“I was wondering - um, do you wanna go with me? I can buy all the tokens,” you quickly blurted out and held your breath.

“Sure.”

“N-no. Just you and me. Like on a date.” You rub the back of your neck, looking away. “No - no pressure or anything! I know you might not be into guys, you might already like a girl-"

“You're gay.”

You wince at his tone. Genya wishes he hadn't sounded so accusing. “Last I checked, yeah.”

“Sounds fun,” Genya repeats dumbly, because holy shit, you like him you like guys too he likes guys he really wants to go to the arcade with you oh thank god-

You blink. “So that's a…yes?”

“Absolutely.” Genya waves his hands frantically. “If you're still up for it! Nothing’s awkward! I - I do want to go as a date, not as friends, and, uh-"

He snaps his head away, embarrassed, but he glances back long enough to see you grinning like you've won the lottery.

"Does 2 pm work for you?"

Shit. He really does like you after all. And with the way you're smiling at him like that maybe he can deal with whatever bullshit that's going to come next.

***

“Hey Genya, do you want to come over this weekend?”

“Muichiro wants to go to that pizza place again.”

The Tokito twins stare at him expectantly over the usual din of the Kamaboko Squad's usual shenanigans. Now or never.

“Sorry, I'm busy.”

“With what?” Muichiro looks out off; Yuichiro frowns in surprise.

“With someone.”

The silence was so thick you could've cut it with a knife - or Zenitsu's screaming.

“WHO?”

“HAR?!”

“Is it a date?” Tanjiro managed to slap a hand over the blonde's mouth while Aoi deals with Inosuke. The twins and Kanao's mouths hang open in surprise.

Genya picked at his food. “Yeah. At the new arcade.”

“Congratulations!”

“I thought you were planning to be single forever-”

“Shut up, Mui!”

“With who?"

He says your name and again the silence is thick.

Tanjiro's eyes light up in recognition and shock. “Isn't that the new boy?”

Genya nods stiffly.

“You're…gay?” Kanao asks tentatively.

Genya nods again.

“I had no idea! I never would've guessed either.” Tanjiro shakes his head, stunned. Much to Genya's relief…he's smiling? “But good for you, Genya, I'm sure you'll enjoy the date!”

This wasn't so bad after all. It's like a weight’s been lifted off his shoulders. Now it's just how well…Sanemi will take it and his family. Probably not as easy.

“I thought it was a little weird you rejected that cute girl the other day.” Muichiro looks excited. “Now I've got a gay best friend!”

“What are you, twelve?” Yuichiro grumbles, but turns to Genya. “Have a good time then.”

“THIS IS UNBELIEVABLE! DON'T SHOCK US LIKE THAT, GENYA!” Zenitsu finally squawks, clutching his heart.

“Wait, what's gay?” Inosuke's lost. “Is Genma happy or something?!”

Never mind.

***

“Damn, I knew you were good at shooting, but basketball too?” You wiggle your eyebrows at him, pretending to throw an imaginary ball as Genya throws an actual one through the basket easily.

“Heh, this one's just easy since it's so near.” The machine flashes lights and beeps, displaying a new highest score. “And kinda short.”

“You are pretty tall,” you agreed, counting the leftover tokens. “Hey, we still have enough for that claw machine!”

“Seriously?”

So far the date's going pretty well. Genya hadn't made a fool of himself when you showed up dressed up in that letterman jacket and excitedly tackled him yelling about how you managed to get about an entire bag's worth of tokens. You both had spent your time mostly fooling around playing air hockey, shooting games (he had a moment of crisis before sitting next to you in the cramped space), he got forced to dance with you, you claimed he cheated at the racing, he won you a figurine as an apology for accidentally smacking your hand during Whack-A-Mole. Genya was kind of regretting that now, because you were now convinced Genya had amazing luck and could continue to win you more prizes. But as Sanemi said - a million times - those things were a scam, so Genya compromised by saying if only there was tokens leftover from the basketball game.

Alas and alack, he supposed, but you were already speeding towards the claw machine.

“Come on, come on, almost there, almost there!” Your chanting is barely heard over the obnoxious arcade music but you're practically breathing down his neck.

“Okay, okay, I got it, shut up for a sec.” Genya's grip on the controls is so tight he's actually afraid he might rip out the joystick by mistake like Sanemi last time…although Sanemi had done that on purpose during his rage quit and since had been banned from that particular arcade.

“Dear Kami-sama, please, please, please-”

“SHIT.”

“NOOO! So close!” Your head's tossed back in an exaggerated groan, flipping off the stupid claw that let go just a second too early. “I could've won that Hashira figurine!”

“I was the one playing!” Genya protested.

“I got the tokens!”

“I offered to pay you back! You said no!”

You punched his shoulder playfully. “Hey, this was supposed to be my treat. You can pay for the next date.”

“Next - next what-"

“Oh jeez, your face is so red now. Let's get some fresh air; I know a good dessert store.”

Genya's down bad alright.

***

“Where the hell have you been?”

It's already late by the time Genya lets himself into the house. His siblings should've been asleep, his mom too, so hopefully he could…uh, break the news the next day, when he's written and planned everything out, chewed off his nails and get that support you promised him earlier.

Luck had decided to abandon him since his second attempt at the claw machine however, since now he's been caught kicking off his shoes and smiling down at his phone, at the picture you've sent him of the figurine in your shelf.

>>Maybe I'll get more from you

You wi<<

He shuts off his phone quickly. Sanemi’s sitting on the sofa, arms crossed and does not look like a happy camper. Genya tries for an innocent smile. He probably looks like he has a stroke. If Sanemi were a cop, every criminal would be cracking in less than a minute under his interrogations.

“Out with a friend. Sorry I'm late, I was talking them back home.”

“Really? Saw all your friends - Tokito twins and that Kamado kid - earlier today. Try again."

“Someone else.”

“Cut to the chase, Genya, you were out on a date, weren't you?” Sanemi barks.

Genya's shoulders slump. “Yeah. Please don't be mad, I did tell Mom.”

“You should focus on studying. Your math grades are still too low.” Sanemi's expression softens, just slightly. "Who's the lucky girl?"

“Ah.”

“I swear to god, if it's that Shabana girl-”

“It's a guy.”

A very awkward beat of silence.

“WHO?!”

Genya almost expects to be attacked when he says your name. Or mauled after Sanemi demands every detail of what went down at the arcade. Maybe thrashed while finally confessing yes, he's not straight. But not stand there while Sanemi stares at him, strangely quiet.

“You two didn't do anything suspicious?”

Nope. You'd been quite understanding when he admitted he was still kind of getting used to the newness of…all this and offered to save a kiss for next time, causing him to explode into scarlet and try to poke you with his straw. “Aniki!”

“Is this a new thing or have you been…keeping this from me?” Unbelievable. His older brother almost looks hurt by that notion.

“A new thing, I swear, I wasn't planning on keeping anything from you, I was just waiting for the right time and right thing to say and I - I didn't know how you'd react.”

“Well…” Sanemi mutters something unintelligible, eyes moving away slightly.

“Um…what?”

“I SAID, AS LONG AS YOU'RE HAPPY WITH HIM, IT'S FINE BY ME! NOW GO TO SLEEP!”

Genya couldn't stop his grin. “Really? Thank - thank you, Aniki, and okay, I will.”

“And don't do anything too intimate before you're married!”

***

You spat out your straw. “He said what?”

Genya takes a long sip of his latte, slipping his hand into yours. “I didn't make that up.”

“No,” You say, shaking your head. “That sounds like Shinazugawa.”

[luxken]

rules: list 5 otps from 5 fandoms, then tag 10 people to pass it on

tagged by: @captainremwrites​ well more like i saw this and was obligated to do it and hey free realestate

hp; harry/hermione/ron (they are amazing together the og ot3),the golden trio (they are brilliant together ppl should appreciate their friendship more), wolfstar (I am tRash leaf me alone-), the marauders (tragic boys D;;;;) tomarry/harrymort (I love both of these sm, the dynamic is legit everything and I love the aesthetics associated w these two), harry/cedric (this is a ship full of romance, written in the stars type bullshit they are such husbands omg), harry & ginny (wlw/mlm solidarity right there) luna/ginny (cute little lesbian gfs what more could u want), severus/death (just cute tings), marlene/dorcas (AHHHH they are such a guilty pleasure of mine), hermione/pansy (they are conniving and will rule the world if no one stops them), harry/regulus (they would be so sad and cute together my heart bleeds), harry/sirius (also a guilty pleasure lmao), harry/george (george is just so calm and harry rlly needs that sometimes)

atla; zukka (tell me u didnt see this coming and I will accuse u of being more oblivious to love and affection than zuko), sokka & azula (they are both mad scientists and will blow shit up u cannot tell me they wouldn't be a grand time together), sokka & mai (yESS pls) teoaang (I havent posted anything for them yet but I will bc I luh them), suki/yue (they are so soft and happy pLS), katara/yue (this is top tier sappho in love w the moon shit right here), katara/suki (they are bad ass fighters and will crush anyone) suki/katara/yue (just some wlw nothing to see here), mai/ty lee (they are the epitome of goth girl/uwu), toph & zuko (sibling. siblings right there), azula/jin (this is relatively new compared to the others and im mad abt it for that very reason. azula is just so angry and jin is so soft and can help her heal skjka I love), hakoda/bato (just bros being husbands), sokka/jet (ik this is so weird but I just love the dynamics also their height difference is great), kanna/yugoda (I dont need to explain this u understand), kanna/hama (the tragedy of it all is very good, not good good ew I just like the circumstances they'd be in and I read this rlly good fic once sjdsdh it was amazing)

got; sansa/margaery (they are soft and feminine and lovely just pure femme/femme love), jon/robb (donthateme this is my comfort ship. also ppl ship jon/danaerys which is worse bc they're far closer in blood relation anyway imsosrry it just happened), lyanna/elia (they are WIVES), danaerys/missandei (wlw at its finest they are bestfriends who are in love), viserys/drogo (dont even get me started-)

gravity falls; dipper/bill (dont even @ me yes I ship dipper w a demonic triangle), pacifica/mabel (it just makes sense), dipper/robbie (for the lols)

skam france; elu (ur mad bro if u didnt see this coming its legit the icon for my ao3 acc), Daphné/Emma (I just like the vibes emma’s rlly chill and daphné’s batshit crazy so it works!) (im mostly here for elu bc they're are my love lmao)

damn I rlly didnt think I would go off that hard but guess what ya boi is full of surprises. this legit took me half an hour to do. also im in like less than ten fandoms full time so it was hard to find something that had enough for me to talk abt lmao. the amount of shit I had for atla was both surprising and not at all?? like we all know im obsessed but to that degree- 

if u guys want thats cool if not also cool @fixstationed @circleofplanets @treedaddyd @yeetmeintotheunknown @khaleeseas also anyone else who wants to do if u want tag me too!

[meteorherd]

gar our friend gar :) (the beast boy not. the cat. or do the cat im not yr dad)

GOD okay this got insanely long because im unwell sorry. me when im mentally ill about the cat obviously

okay good GOD i would violently circle wasted potential 50 fucking times if i could. society if dc let gar age past 18-20. society if titans la actually happened and gar had his own team of titans to lead. society if gar was actually able to grow out of the titans and be a hero outside of it as well. SOCIETY IF HE WAS STILL FRIENDS WITH VIC. i miss them </3 and thats not even touching on his powers. i personally like that gar's powers dont have clear limitations (like how he can turn into alien animals that he shouldnt even be able to tap into or how he can turn into creatures that don't even exist if his emotions get the better of him) but it always seemed to me more of writers not knowing what to do with him rather than actually playing with the idea…i think to some extent, untapped potential that could be seen as wasted potential is kind of the point with gar since he's initially introduced as afraid to take responsibility, but well. it has been literal decades at this point, and i think most of its ended up being mistranslated from the original intention with gar to Actually being wasted potential with him. come on man

alsooo oh my god gar is like the EPITOME of everyone but me is wrong about them to me. its genuinely so jarring to me what fanon gar is like HDKJFKHJKG like he's not a silly sunshine boy or whatever (which if i am being honest comes most of the time from bbr//ae shippers who warp both of them entirely to fit their personal ship dynamic preference but i digress). the canon bb that i know is honestly pretty snarky with his humor and CAN 100% be a jerk when he's feeling like it. and he knows when he's being one. he also knows when he's being annoying he does it on purpose. ALSO probably the biggest thing i dislike about fanon gar is when people act like his only trauma was with tara when the guy literally has the most insanely traumatic backstory ever. like obviously there's the inferiority complex but what about his MASSIVE survivor's guilt (like, part of the tara angst is a subset of his survivor's guilt but no one ever seems to acknowledge that either) and his status as a metahuman. he's literally green. what about his history as an actor and how that bleeds into how he can act like a different person depending on the people he's around. and i know a lot of people get annoyed about his daddy issues with steve but i am personally intrigued. he's such a deeply fucked up guy that i will never understand how people think he only has One Deep Thing to explore about him. i think a lot of people blame the teen titans cartoon for what fanon gar is now and while obviously that version of gar isnt as Deep without full context i feel like its still pretty easy to pick up the pieces. if anything its the fans who create fanon based on a kids cartoon they havent seen in Years from what they very vaguely remember and shoving it into their own desired tropes who are to blame LOL especially when dc just ends up encouraging it too

however i DO think he works best on a team, he's very much a team sort of guy and thrives off of interacting with others. something i find so interesting about gar is that technically he's capable of doing solo work but very much prefers a team setting. and besides a big part of how his character works is by having people to bounce his little quips off of. and his serious moments aren't nearly as rewarding if theres no one there to witness them i think. and not to bring up vic again but he worked so well with vic 😔 from what i know gar literally does not have any sort of fun dynamic these days which sucks when he is very much a dynamic guy. anyways as you can tell i like him maybe i guess. just a little bit. this got embarrassingly long (probably because i do want to talk about titans stuff in general on here and then i just get shy </3). he's my bestie who kind of sucks and i love him. thank you and good fucking night!!!!!!

[temptingempress]

The Mafia’s Princess J.hs (2)

Summary: “I can’t loose you because if I loose you I loose myself. You’re all I have left.” she begged him to put the gun down. Her bloody knees splashed into the mud. Helicopters surrounded them and the sirens were getting closer and closer but she could think about was him. The man whom she fell in love with, standing in front of them. Gun pointed towards his head.

This is a HoseokxOc story but feel free to think of her as y/n. I just didn't want to call her y/n so I used my own character that you'll see in a lot of my stories but her mood and temperment will change in each story.

Warning: A bit of sexual interaction but nothing too much, weapons, skin damage, cursing, DIOR FREAKING HOSEOK. AKA: SUPERIOR HOSEOK.

Previous: https://temptingempress.tumblr.com/post/639443379410927616

Hauling Areum away in his arms from the vent into his arms, he opened the window just to see that the cops and dogs were guarding the entire motel, just waiting for them to come back and attack. He had to think and he had to think fast or else they’ll both be dead meat. He looked around and spotted one place where the dogs nor the cops have reached yet. The garbage bin. Of course, it was disgusting but it was the only chance they got. 

Hoseok’s P.O.V

I sigh as I held Areum close to my chest, there’s no way that she could be seen by the police or else it’s pretty much over for her and her family. I quickly set Areum down being careful not to to injure her even more than I already did. I had some spare time until the cops could reach this area. Taking my jacket off, I carefully wrapped it on her wounded leg so no infection would begin to grow. I had to get her back home and I had to do it fast. There she could be met with a medic. This all has me wondering if I should just drop her off at the place she belongs and leave her be. All I am is trouble in her life. I am in everybody's and I really dont give a shit. I’ve become my own nightmare that lost it’s mercy ten years ago but when it comes to her. I swear I’d do anything. I’ve become so selfish and allowed my heart to become enslaved in chains to her love. To her affection. To the way she smiles or the way the moonlight touches her soft skin. 

Love is tortuous, I feel myself going on a never ending rollercoaster with her. She was the worst thing that ever happened to me but the best thing at the same time. She can’t let me go and that’s the worst part about this relationship because I know at some point she’s going to have to let me go. Not that I want to go. I want to be her dream man and offer everything she wants that she deserves but not off of blood money. I’ve never thought that one time in my life I’d be regretting being a mafia lord. Love is powerful. 

All this goes through my mind as I picked her up once more and jumped into the trash can, where there were a lot of bags. Yes, it’s risky to possibly get stabbed by glass shards or bitten by a rat but it was better than prison. Our landing sound was muffled by the plastic bags. The cops were approaching so I closed the bin and hid myself and Areum to the best of my ability. There happened to be a small hole that I peeped through to see if the cops were going along their way but they weren’t. They were just guarding the whole hotel as well as their dogs. We needed a distraction so I picked up a rusted old wrench and while they werent looking aimed it at the highest window that was out of the cop’s eyesight, so of course they wouldn’t see the wrench. Once the glass broke the cops shouted and ran towards the window, holding their guns up. I took Areum when the coast was clear and silently got out of there, running far away into the woods. Once I was far enough, I slung Areum onto my back and looked into my suitcase for a pager. “I need a car sent to Eastwood Urgently.” 

Eastwood was about 5 miles away but it was the only place where I knew to navigate to from here. My pager dings before a man starts to talk “Yes sir, it will take us fifteen minutes. Parked in the garage sir.”

“Thanks Jungkook. Coming home soon, prepare med for Areum. She got a bog bite...” I looked at Areum’s leg. Lines of slightly opened bloody flesh lined along her legs “And a bit of a scratch.”

As I kept walking on the cops were soon long gone or so I think. You never know in this field of work. I had a long ways to go and there was no way Areum could walk on her feet. She wasn’t very heavy so I could handle it. Walking through nature was quite nice actually. It’s not something I usually do. I had to make it to Eastwood before the sun rose because if not I could get caught by someone. I felt Areum shift her head on my back, and soon her hips.

“Baby?” I say to her as she regains her conscious. I went to a tree and sat her down onto the leaves so she could wake up and I could take a small break before we move again.

Areum’s P.O.V

An instant sting shot onto my leg as if somebody took sharp nails and dragged it along on my skin. “Augh!” I whimpered as I reached for the long bloody scratch. I saw that a sweater was wrapped around my bloody wounds. I don’t even remembered what happened after being in that vent. All I remember was darkness. “It hurts.” my voice cracks as my hands tried to rub down the cut to attempt to make it feel better but my attempts only made it worse. I wasn’t used to all this. I mean, small scars and such were common but this? My eyes began to water as the pain only got worse. It wouldn’t go away. Hoseok knelt towards me, caressing my cheeks. “Hey, you’re alright.” 

~

Areum felt Hoseok’s heavy breaths as he continued to walk with her in his arms. Two hours passed and they were far out of the cop’s sight. They were almost to their destination but Hoseok’s steps became slower. Areum spoke “Stop, I could walk on my own now.”  Hoseok shook his head as he kept walking. Sure, he was tired and he exhausted. He could just pass out right then and there but he wasn’t going to let go of her.  “Hoseok.” Areum spoke louder as her fingers gripped his shirt. “Let me go.” “You’ll get hurt more Areum, I’ve already done enough to you!” He didn’t let go her, he couldn’t let her go but soon enough he had to let her go. “Let’s take a break.” he panted. Areum’s P.O.V

I laughed a little as he had to let me go sooner or later. Some long scratched lined my leg and I still felt the sting but it wasn’t unbearable. I could walk on my own now, well, at least limb. By looking at Hoseok slumped down on a tree I had to walk at this point “Okay, just get on my shoulders.” He panted and knelt down. I chuckled a bit as I tightened the ‘band aid’ Hoseok put on my cut. “No love.” I push Hoseok’s shoulders back up. “I need to start doing things on my own.” Five years ago. Areum’s P.O.V

The evening of the ball was wonderful to say the less but as the sun set over the horizon the part I dreaded came. The dance. Where my parents set up certain men from different kingdoms to dance with me. Expecting me to find my one and only true love but the truth was I liked none of these stuck up petty men. They think they all have me at their fingertips when really they all disgust me. With their pristine suits, perfect smiles, and expensive rings. I was so sick of seeing all of them but especially one of them, Namjoon. 

Namjoon was the richest prince there was. Everyone knew him, loved him, and loathed him. He was the number one running to marry in my parents list but certainly not on mine. Taking a class of champagne before the dance I saw Namjoon coming towards me. Even down to the way he walks irritates me. Even though he didn’t do anything to me I just didn’t want to marry him. I didn’t want him to take me away to wherever he lived and trap me as his little house wife. Oh yeah, might I mention, all of Namjoon’s ex wives told me not to marry him because he’s demanding, bratty, and a so called womanizer.

He gave me a smile and fixed his glasses and I returned with a nice gesture. Coming close he looked down to me, admiring every aspect of my long golden dress. He finally spoke “Good day my lady, I’m looking forward to out dance.”  I just smiled and nodded, just because I hated him didn’t mean I had to be rude to the guy. Even though I really wanted to punch his ass to ten buck two. His next words to me made me gag my champagne. “Maybe I could get more than a dance by the end of tonight.”  He swayed away with a wink. Now I really wanted to get out of this place. That man was the epitome of sickness. The bell rung and it was already time for the dance. All the princesses gathered in front of the princes. I took my position right in front of Namjoon. The kings and queens oversaw from the tall stories. Overlooking their daughters with binoculars, seeing if they could see anything “magical.”

The dance has begun and we all followed the elaborate and precise steps to the rhythm. Princes caught us by our waist and held onto our hands tight. Twirling all around the dance floor I soon was caught by Namjoon. My soon to be king. He smirked down onto me as his hand traveled down my waist. I gave him a naïve smile but I really knew what he was doing all along. I couldn’t be more happy to spin again into another prince’s arms but Namjoon seemed disappointed that my body left his presence.

 The dance went on and on and on. “I think we have found the one for Namjoon, may he have your daughter in marriage?” Namjoon’s father exclaimed loud enough for me to hear. My body went into full shock, I just wanted to get out of there. I knew my parent’s would say yes since they’ve been rooting for us. 

Spinning

Spinning

My eyes caught the guards running outside of the palace, everyone seemed distracted so I decided to discreetly take my leave. I lifted my long golden dress up and ran to where the guards were running towards. They led me all the way outside. I heard one of the guards running close so I pressed my back onto the brick wall surrounded by bushes so they wouldn’t see me.  “There he is!” One of them yelled and chased after a man. I tried to get a closer look but all I could see was a leather black mask and all black attire. He seemed to have a black turtle neck a buckles along his chest. Strange, how could he even get into the castle’s quarters. I knew I shouldn’t of but I followed the thief, looking for some new excitement. The guards lost him but I knew exactly where he was heading, the maze. He was taking a shortcut to the maze. One that could be missed by the guards. It was strange that he knew where everything was in this castle, was he one of our workers before? He entered the maze and I came after him. I saw something shiny in his hands, aw it was my bracelet. As I followed I stepped on the noisiest branch. 

Dang

The thief turned back, pulling out a black gun and it sure did look terrifying. Something that’s never allowed on the grounds of the castle. “Who goes there.” He spoke. “Come out or I will shoot.” 

I didn’t really have a choice, the last thing I wanted to do tonight was get shot. Well, maybe it was better than getting engaged to Namjoon. I came out of the bushes and allowed my dress to flow down. I bowed at the thief lifting two sides of my dress up. Once I analyzed his face might I say... He wasn’t bad looking, he looked pretty good for a thief actually. “Princess Bailey.”  The thief stood there for a bit, probably in shock he’s seeing me out of anyone. Hoseok’s P.O.V

 This day couldn’t get anymore stranger. I put the bracelet in my pocket but held the gun tight in my hand. I wasn’t afraid to get royal blood splattered on my clothes. “Who do you come with. Where are the guards.” For some reason she just stood in front of me. Staring me down as if I was some sort of toy in the toy store. She took a step closer to me but I took two steps back, holding my gun higher to her head. If I shot at anytime she would for sure dead. This was one bold princess. She spoke once again “That bracelet, it’s mine. But, you could have it.” “I wasn’t asking.” “What is it for might I ask? Will you pawn it?” She seemed super calm when seeing a whole criminal right in front of her. The biggest one of Korea that is. “It’s for someone.” “Oh a gift? How kind of you sir. If you asked me I would’ve gave it to you.”  “You don’t even know me. “ “Who are you then.” The princess smiled as she stepped closer again “I come in peace, please lower your gun.”  Not budging still I get a small intercom out of my pocket and spoke “Bring the helicopter in the maze.” “Helicopter? That’s not very discreet. This castle is filled with security tools. You’ll surely get shot down.” She sung as her heels kicked the rocks on the ground. I thought about it and she did have a point. “Cancel the helicopter..” I turned the intercom off and looked at the princess. “Okay, then what do you suggest?” The princess smiled and turned to me. Happy that I gave her an inch. This may be a big trap but at this point I didn’t have a choice. 

“Follow me.” She hums.

-

Hello everyone, I hoped you liked the part two of the Mafia’s Princess. Now you know a little backstory, I’m curious if anybody reads my story. If so could you please comment or anonymously tell me so I am more encouraged to continue it? Thank you so much and tell me what you think so far. I might accept request pretty soon! Thank you so much for reading :)

[neo-shitty]

toffee!

yeah same, i follow some fic accs that occaisionally post smut and its like mmmmm is the fluff writing enough to balance the posts that gives me finger burn trying to scroll past it? but yeah thats probably the way to go

ah i wasnt there for the teaser but i can imagine that was tantalising. lmaoo yes but to be fair i do have a writing acc called channiesbigheart so... balancing it out? but i absolutely am whipped beyond belief. it was a TRAVESTY how COULD they have. yeah the b sides gave him more lines but they werent the ones that were performed over and over at stages. yessss the line distribution in this album is impeccable, im pretty sure the thunderous stuff was some of their best distribution

hehe i can understand that, sometimes putting someone in a situation so horrible it would be considered a violation of human rights is theraputic, ya know? mmmm the differences are a bit nuts, it was 14 degrees today and in less than a week its going to be 32 or smth. BROOO that would be legendary, i bet theyd treat their artists rlly well and have great music as well ahhh but its a lot of work adn commitment. yES that is a mood if ever i heard one.

its the same in australia as well, sadly, you have people who hold up harry styles and lil nas x for breaking gender roles and wearing make up adn steryotypical womens clothing (and keep in mind i have infinite respect for both of them theyre honestly doing so much for the de-dehumanising of gay people and those who wear whatever they want), and calling the kpop boys gay and other things for doing the same thing, when theyve been doing it for years and gotten no recognition smh its so tragic. yes, anyway YES ONLY 6 MONTHS I AM FOR ALL INTENTS AND PURPOSES A BBY STAN altho i considered myself a fully fledged stay like 2 days after i got into them cos i just spent all day researching and fixating. YES someone said it. it feels like theyre losing a huge chunk of why a lot of people liked their music in teh first place, which was that whole dna, dope, fire mood. and even doing bright songs is fine, liek they should do what they want but i feel liek the western music industry is so fucking toxic that they feel pressured into making these decisions. dont get me wrong, theyre good decisions from a business perspective, theyre getting record breaking sales but still. mmm yeah honestly yg just needs to get its shit together or get out

oooh! not into nct but i see a lot of him, he seems rlly talented. ahh yes another channie ult lmaoo i feel that, my list is growing in leaps and bounds as well. mmm yeah i think i will, im just going to try to save enough money :) mingi appealed to me mostly for the voice (like felix smh what is it with me and deep voiced bois) but also his soft visuals and the whole cutesy thing he has going on i rlly liked. yes i did get into them while he was on hiatus, but im still mostly a casual stan, ill listen to the album when it comes out but i dont think ill obsessively look over everything to do with it, like skz. HAH WE'RE MORE SIMILAR THAN I THOUGHT. lmaooo the thot line describes them perfectly, why are they all so damn attractive. especially seonghwa, like that man looks like a character from a book, cardan greenbriar vibes anyone? mmhmm! his vocals are absolutely insane. ty! yeah im excited altho idk how theyre every going to beat border:carnival, that shit was impeccable. ahh no stress, enjoy teh groups you stan atm!

ahh thank you so much, ill keep that in mind. hehe thats good! hopefully its soon :( ah ty, it means a lot. ill think abt that and hopefully talk abt it a little more :)

ah, no it was inside our gymnasium but to get to the other side of the stage you had to exit the building, go around the back and then enter through the other stage door. ah tysm! im glad too. mmm same, they baffle me. ;n; noo so sad :( ahh, thats um not smth i put on here, but im in high school so make of that what you will :)

thank you! ive done a majority of them, i just have maths, an english presentation and an economic assignment due now so im pretty much home free. yeah i feel like hes the epitome of here for you while being inescapably far away. haha she sounds like one of my friends. lmaooo why is that me. hmmm i feel like youve answered a lot of them in that answer so maybe just ateez, enha, txt and bp? if you stan them? :)

ahhh no problem at all, proud of you for managing to overcome the procrastination! progress! mmm thats good! ahh pls do let me know if you ever decide that, i cant promise i wont cry but do what you gotta do :)

<3 w.a. 🐺

hi! sorry for the late reply, i didn't know how to construct sentences yesterday e.e

yeah sometimes it's the perfect balance! i personally don't like fics that focus mainly on the filth? the plot has to carry the whole fic somehow and the smut is just something to add to the mix. also, i'll follow you on your writing blog! i keep forgetting to do so, damn it.

"sometimes putting someone in a situation so horrible it would be considered a violation of human rights is theraputic, ya know?" putting it this way just silenced me but yes. angst just feels more realistic. it isn't always happy endings irl so i tend to do it a lot.

falling into skz is so easy! it felt like that for me too. stanning them felt like getting sucked into a blackhole. also yes i agree. kpop is nothing but an industry after all and it runs on money so i get why they do what they do as well.

i suggest we not talk about haechan because i will literally not shut up but yes my boy is an ace :( chan is also sooooo easy to love. and the chan's rooms just solidified his place as ult. having something to look forward to every week at a time when my mental health was just plummeting into the depths of tartarus just helped me be stable. oh yeah, mingi's deep voice is indeed sexc. and he has some wack ass duality as well! and i think seonghwa was one of the people i nearly considered as bias just because of his visuals because wow that's one beautiful face. and true, idk how enha's going to beat border:carnival. i don't like all the tracks simply bc of taste preferenceds but i like more than one so i consider that a lot already.

bro that gym should've had some sort of a covered walk :// also i miss being in high school sO DAMN MUCH. but i still feel like i am because time stopped when quarantine started and i was still in senior year at the time.

my ateez bias is wooyoung! it wasn't that much of a shocker to my kpop stan irls because i was a jimin stan for the longest time. enhypen is jake and they kept pointing out that he looked like seungmin sometimes so it's like chan's aussie-ness with a tinge of seungmin (the other guy in my skz bias line, in case i haven't mentioned it). txt is huening kai! i find it hard to believe that he's my age because he looks a lot younger? o.O and he always looks good damn :(( sigh for blackpink it's lisa! i tend to bias the maknaes of yg groups, it's a pattern i've noticed but don't intentionally do!

DON'T WASTE YOUR TEARS OMFG. you can always reach me elsewhere if i like disappear off this blog.

[eyeslikefoxglove]

Episode 21 - The PTSD is strong with this one & we need more braincells

Hello hello! Welcome to the commentary. How’s everyone? I’m frozen solid because it’s mid-June in Spain and yet we had 11°C yesterday. Fucking awesome!

I AM NOT WEARING MASCARA SO I CAN CRY ALL I WANT. I DONT KNOW IF THATS GOOD OR BAD THO.

Can I just take a second to appreciate how much this big strong powerful men emote? I mean, I know this isn’t western media where the tough guy can’t show emotions, and I don’t know that eastern media has the same hangups about men emoting but just... it’s so refreshing.

Huaisang bb you’re so sweet.

Oh, oh the PTSD is strong with this one.

Also, bless both JC and NHS, they absolutely noticed WWX flinch and, in their own ways, went and steamrolled over it so WWX wouldn’t feel scrutinised.

WE INTERRUPT THIS BROADCAST TO INFORM YALL THAT I GOT A KITTEN ON MY LAP. (She’s kneading my boob, which, ow, but...)

*BICHEN GRIIIIIIIP*

How do y’all think the guards go deliver bad news to WRH? Like do they paper-rock-scissor it? Draw straws?

NMJ did you have to?

And once again I wonder what would’ve happened if JFM had let sect leader Yao kick it.

Ughvhfnevus it’s this clown. Same as with Su She, if you see a bunch of screaming it’s just me not wanting to listen to Jin ZiXun.

The Nies: let’s throw a banquet to honour WWX’s return

Every asshole there: *gossips about WWX while in the room with him*

Once again I wish I could transmigrate (and speak mandarin lol) and just start delivering tongue lashings.

Listen, I have no idea how to play Guqin, but I did play the guitar for years and even from here I can see how much YiBo’s hands don’t match the melody. Nothing against him but why does this always happen? I know they got classes, so was the music not written by that time or something? Because one thing is not hitting the correct notes, another is plucking slow notes when the tempo is much faster.

JC: Since yours and LWJ’s unhappy separation...

My dumbass: do you mean breakup? *eyebrow waggle*

You will pry my “JC knows his brother is pinning after LWJ, he probably doesn’t want to know anything else” hc out of my cold dead hands thankyouverymuch.

WWX: *spouts a bunch of misdirection to avoid giving JC a straight answer*

JC: Bull-fucking-shit.

Should I count how many times WWX PTSDs all over the place or would you like me to leave your hearts intact? That’s two so far.

Ok ok, I feel that, if someone with a bit less trauma and a bit of insight (NHS maybe?) had seen the bit where ChenQing fucking hurts Shijie thing would’ve gone differently. I mean, yes, LWJ keeps warning WWX that this shit is gonna fuck him up, but as I said in my previous commentary LWJ also has the communication skills of a hermit crab so that wouldn’t work, and JC would be too wound up and WWX too busy trying to conceal his lack of golden core for that conversation to go anywhere. But if someone who WWX knows is a good egg (I’m not gonna say trusts bc paranoia) had sat him down and told him “your new instrument that you use for your new form of cultivation just hurt the person you love most please be careful when you use it.” I think it would’ve worked wonders towards his health overall.

I know Shijie says it’s like Zidian, but she’s not working with the fact that this thing is made for and by the Dark Side of the Force and I’m sorry but I can’t help but see ChenQing as a bit of a horrocrux almost. Or like, if you like me think the Burial Mounds is an Entity, something that’s a bit more sentient that it lets on.

Speaking of reputations and NHS being a good egg, I have oh-so-many ideas (I won’t say plot bunnies because I can’t write for shit) in which NHS for Reasons (time-travel? Letter from the future? His massive brain?) realises just how much damage WWX is doing to his public image. And he might be a sheltered dandy, but he saw what being the son of a sex worker did to Meng Yao despite how hard he worked (I’m assuming he doesn’t know about the whole betrayal business). This is way fucking worse, like hell is he going to let one of his best friends paint a target on his back. So he pulls back his sleeves, engages his slytherin brain and proceeds to lay down a plan to throughly destroy WWX’s reputation as a powerful genius.

I’m guessing LWJ and JC protest, and maybe WWX, and NHS just hits them with “do you want him respected or alive?” And they shut tf up. He glues himself to WWX, and brings up as many instances in which their behaviour can be compared as he can (we got drunk and punished at cloud recesses, we slept in class, we skipped to go fishing, I don’t carry my sword either). And, because assholes be assholes, people like Sect Leader Yao or Clown Cousin are quick to start spouting their own derogatory bullshit and thus WWX the untamed powerful prodigy dies a fiery death. Now he’s just a mouthy kid with a quick mind that “does tricks instead of battle” (I’ll never get bored of using that Thor quote). I also like to think that people who personally know WWX and are not pieces of shit go give NHS a tongue lashing for messing with what they thought was his friend, NHS takes that as a test of good eggness and bring them into the plan. Soon the whole Cloud Recesses class is swearing up, down, left, right and centre that all the shit WWX has ever successfully pulled is just an insane amount of luck and quick thinking.

I don’t know how would they work him into the battlefield (disguise? Mask?) to unleash his demonic cultivation but that’s Plot and I don’t do that.

Also, because I’m a terrible human being I want to say that people assume LWJ is on “pretty but useless” WWX like white on rice because *insert derogatory comment about being good in bed and sexual favours*. Because y’all know the assholes here are Like That. And WWX is horrified because holy fucking shit he’s gonna drag LWJ’s reputation down, he can’t have people thinking HGJ is ok with having him as a concubine pretty much. But before he can act LWJ politely all but confirms that yeah, he’s tapping that, y’all wish you were but he doesn’t share and none of y’all are good enough for his Wei Ying anyway. CUE FAKE/PRETEND RELATIONSHIP BECAUSE I AM INDEED TRASH FOR THAT TROPE.

Muahahahaha y’all thought I was gonna devolve into my personal hcs and not include my fave trope? Shouldn’t y’all know me better by now?

(Btw I like this bit ^ so I might polish it a little and post it separately as well, just a warning if you find yourself reading an eerily similar post by me)

WuJi is playing and LWJ is pining so much. Also, if LWJ did not just realise that, just like Yu the Great, WWX had no other option but tame resentful energy I’ll eat my blanket.

I refuse to believe Jiang Yanli didn’t become the unofficial war camp therapist/sounding board/only sane person/everyone’s mum/I just need a hug and a corner to cry in peace. There are not enough fics about Shijie being her gentle BAMF self while in the camp and it’s a pity. My crops are dying y’all!

Also, I will fight anyone who scoffs at Shijie being the epitome of the “gentle woman who cooks and waits for the men to come back from war”. Look at her mum, do you think it is easy for a kid (she was a kid in the flashback when WWX ran away) to see that day in and day out, to have that as a “role model” and decide that she was not going to be like her mum? That she didn’t like what she saw in her so she was going to be kind and gentle? And do you think it is easy for a person barely in their twenties to deal with years of verbal and psychological abuse for again, being gentle and kind, and not grow a hard shell of bitterness to protect themselves? And to keep being gentle and kind while at war, with your parents dead and your siblings unraveling before your very eyes? Shijie is so fucking strong and I love her.

Hey look, the White Walkers!

“Resentful energy is just energy” ok, valid. But my dude, you’ve got black ghost smoke coming out of you and can hear people screaming in your head. I’m not saying it is evil, like someone’s uptight set in his ways arrogant uncle; but it sure as shit ain’t healthy.

AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH (that’s a Clown Cousin scream btw)

Ok ok, just one little thing: IF SOMEONE ELSE CALLS WWX WEI YING AS A SHOW OF DISRESPECT IMMA SCALP THEM.

...are those crows eating that man alive? Yikes on bikes.

(Assume my comment about YiBo’s Guqin playing also goes for Xiao Zhan and his flute. I can’t play the flute but the tempo doesn’t match his fingers)

I’m just gonna say it, I think 3zun (well, 2zun as of now) suspect shit went down badly for WWX, that’s two questions by both of them in a very soft conciliatory tone. They are genuinely interested/worried about the topic, and don’t seem to come off as chiding or judgemental. I mean WWX is a weirdo irreverent kid and they’re sect leaders, they outrank him so much it’s ridiculous. I’m also counting the fact that both their baby brothers like him towards them being so kind. But I also think WWX just triggers all their big brother instincts the second he walks in.

Oh there’s a thought, Shijie, Wen Qing, NMJ and LXC take a look at everyone’s shitty parents and just decide to adopt everyone.

What happened at Yiling was a traumatised teenager (is WWX even 20?) PTSDing all over the place with the Dark Side of the Force whispering in his ear and an all powerful trinket at his disposal. Not saying I approve of all the torture and murder but he clearly isn’t revelling in them.

That is some outstanding bit of big-brothering on LXC’s side and I love it. Also, my dumbass just realised LWJ probably wasn’t quoting WWX when he was being punished (what is white what is black?) I think he was quoting his big brother. Which is magnitudes deep too, but in a different direction and I might love that scene even more.

Ok fuck it, I’m gonna tangent. So I had a terrible boyfriend when I was 15-18. He alienated me from my friends, sunk my self-esteem to the molten core of the earth, tried to convince me my parents were abusive and encouraged (aka threatened manipulated and cajoled) the slow tanking of my high school marks. I have A Problem when I see media where someone latches onto their significant other and everything they are shifts towards that person. Now, love, true genuine love, is powerful, and I believe it can be the catalyst for shifting your world-view for the better. I don’t have a problem with that. I don’t have a problem with people sticking with their romantic partner if it is clear their previous “family” is so much shit. I don’t have a problem with LWJ coming out of his shell and defying corrupt precepts because his love for WWX made them see they were wrong, or getting sassy and unrepentant during his punishment (I have a problem with the punishment bc that’s abuse but...). But I do side-eye WangXian being the only thing in their orbit. People need people, and WangXian have other good people around them. So I kind of love that yes, WWX showed him the system was corrupt, but it is the words of his brother he is sticking by to the defy said system.

Let’s go back to our scheduled slew of held pinning glances shall we?

LXC after That awkward run-in: WangJi I wasn’t gone that long, what the fuck did you two oblivious pining idiots do?

(LXC has “bitching” tea sessions with Shijie and you can’t convince me otherwise)

LWJ: *is being dramatic and not knocking on WWX’s door*

Me: oh my god you fucking idiot

Shijie: *walks in*

Me: oh thank god someone with a braincell.

Ah yes, there we go triggering WWX’s paranoia again. Why would he get a break.

OH MY GOD YOU PAIR OF FUCKING IDIOTS. THATS IT, FUCK THIS SHIT IM OUT.

@ LWJ: bitch wtf was that? I know you’re shit at talking but have you thought about writing it down? Letters anyone? It worked for mr. Darcy.

(Yes LWJ is mr darcy and now I want an au where LWJ writes WWX letters and just pours everything in them, WWX finds them, any everything is sunshine and rainbows)

While this bullshit fight/misunderstanding is all on LWJ’s shoulders, I’m also going to scream at WWX. Because yes, he is in PTSD hell, but he trusted LWJ before, and yet he can’t get past his perceived notion of LWJ’s character (and his own inadequacies) to trust him again and ask for help. Plus, you know, he thinks he doesn’t deserve he’ll bc *waves hand at WWX’s trauma conga line*

These episodes can’t be good for my BP.

Thanks for reading!

[asherlockstudy]

Pls ignore if u dont wanna discuss!I find it interesting you see link as a 'strategic thinker' when I feel like alot of ppl think the opposite(to the point of ytcomments calling him slow/an idiot/on the spectrum).Tho I think alot of his wideeyed goofiness is put on, I put part of awkward stuff said down to not considering implications before talking. Theres even an old video where he talks about how he could reveal something embarrassing at any time and it's part of his personality hes had to ow

Yeah, I know, it’s a rather unusual viewpoint but I stick sooooo hard to it! However, please note that I’m not at all confident about the way I explained my points here. What follows is: 

An unnecessarily long essay on how Link Neal’s mind works that makes me worry about myself because honestly why did I even write all this and I am not at all sure I know what I’m talking about, sorry

First of all, those who think Link is an idiot need to pay more attention. Link is probably the control freak (to avoid the term “Big Boss” that would be unfair for Rhett) behind their successful corporation and this takes something more than a slow guy. He could be close to what you can call “on the spectrum”, with his systems and OCD and all, but people with Asperger’s are usually very intelligent anyway. I think Link has these systems mostly for psychological reasons though, the routine makes him feel safer. 

Anyway, most of his silly moments are made up for laughs like you said and his ability to confuse the audience as to whether he ‘s trully that silly is technically another success on his part, although I feel he’s getting tired of this role lately. 

When Link chooses a stupid answer in a quiz or makes a foolish choice in a game, there is usually a pattern of two explanations:

He often provides a perfect reasoning and then inexpicably goes for the wrong answer / choice, which proves he’s trying to lose in order to get punished for entertaining purposes. He sometimes is in the lead and suddenly gives bonus points to Rhett or something, so there is higher probability for him to lose or, even better, both of them to get punished. On average, if it can’t be ideally both of them, Link subtly tries to be the one getting the punishment. Perhaps he considers his own reactions more dramatic (they usually are) and therefore funnier. In short, Link prefers to get in trouble as long as he provides an entertaining product. It’s a conscious decision that he hides behind silliness. On the contrary, if Rhett can avoid a punishment, he will do so because Rhett often sets as a priority to not look like an idiot.

He genuinely made a stupid choice. Thanks to his hobbies and interests, Rhett is more well-rounded and knowledgeable than Link but if you take the occurences of explanation #1 out of the equation, the ratio of the times Link is being stupid to the times Rhett is gets significantly smaller. Of couse, being less knowledgeable has nothing to do with quick / strategic thinking. 

Speaking of quick thinking, Link tends to be wittier than Rhett. Not that Rhett isn’t incredibly witty already but I think Link is as much and slightly more. 

In the rare occasion of serious discussions, there are two other possibilities:

Link usually tries to make light of every single conversation (eg in Ear Biscuits), stuck to the fact that they are supposed to be a comedic duo, which isn’t always a guaranteed success and sometimes even generates awkwardness. Rhett doesn’t do that and since he also is the one who usually provides information / knowledge, he comes off as more intelligent and mature without this being necessarily the case. 

When Link is 100% serious about something, he’s very different. His stature is different, his facial expressions are different, his eyes become more piercing, even his voice gets deeper. It’s not like Link is a psycho but there are some extremes in his personality and he is usually good at keeping each extremity for where it’s supposed to be. His childish side is ideal for GMM. In rare serious discussions with Rhett on GMMores etc, I find myself agreeing with Link most of the time and despite Rhett’s confidence that he knows Link like the back of his hand, I feel Link actually understands Rhett on an even deeper level than Rhett does. I also think he’s more self aware than Rhett and just knows both of themselves better than Rhett. On the other hand, Rhett is better at manipulating a conversation to his benefit and frequently oozes so much certainty on his argument that Link ends up in the losing side because he knows convincing Rhett otherwise is a challenge and he just gives up. For a long time I instictively thought Rhett was on the right because he gives off this impression of always being right. But when I started paying more attention, I started getting Link’s points more and more. In short, Link is a thoughtful guy ;) whenever he’s given the chance to show it (almost never, sadly). 

Now that I expanded on this which wasn’t even what you exactly wanted me to discuss originally, let’s go to your ask in particular. (I just felt I needed to explain first why I don’t consider Link slow.) 

As I already mentioned, Link has some extremities in his personality. He is impulsive and emotional which means his emotions drive his actions before his brain can stop him. When he’s angry or very excited or feels sarcastic or anything really, he will just blurt out whatever’s on his mind. But that doesn’t mean Link does not understand what he is talking about, it just means he doesn’t have a good filter on his mouth and at the moment he does not care to have one either. 

There might be a paradox about Link - although he strikes me as an extrovert, he is actually not particularly socially skilled. But social awkwardness has little to do with intelligence as a whole (there is what we call social intelligence of course) and it is more common than not for intelligent people to be socially awkward and generate many weird moments. Then again, Link is very sensitive in awkwardness or inappropriate remarks or insults when it’s someone else doing it (not necessarily to him) which makes me think that he has a perfect understanding of what he says too at all times, only he’s usually bursting too much with enthusiasm, fury, hurt, irony or love to keep his mouth shut effectively. In occasions when he feels uncomfortable, another extremity of his is severe anxiety and he feels so much pressure to improve the situation that he will try to say anything to alleviate the moment which inevitably leads to failure quite often. I think that’s what happens in his personal awkward moments. 

In GMM, in all these lovely moments when Link says something that makes us go “What on earth did he say again?”, like 85% of it, Link is perfectly super-absolutely aware of what he’s saying. Extremely aware. Like the “meat flap” to Stevie. He’s also angry in that video which explains his boldness. Or even the “Your wife can hang out with me anytime” to Rhett. I start suspecting he was even playing up a bit his shocked reaction after the Newsical kiss with Rhett. That’s how gloriously evil I consider him

The rest is because of emotions and an even looser filter since Link knows that there are no really bad implications that can occur during GMM unless, I dunno, he says something really horrible which he doesn’t really do. I mean, Rhett may say something extremely awkward more rarely but it usually can be even worse or more hurtful than whatever Link says. 

Last but not least, Link is the epitome of clumsiness. This contributes to the idea of him being foolish, although they are not really correlated, if anything, it’s just a stereotype. His brain also tends to get stuck to a certain thing which makes him  oblivious to anything else for the time being but I seriously doubt it is as much of a deal as Rhett makes it to be. Technically this is filtering of what matters to him, at least in his case.

But when Link is not a rollercoaster of emotions and feels relaxed or has already processed something and is confident about it, that’s when the strategic thinking comes up and I seriously think he’s unbeatable.  I think Rhett has a more relatable kind of intelligence and he is clever in pretty much everything more or less whereas Link can be absolutely ignorant in what he doesn’t care about but can easily rip everyone apart in any field he shows an interest in and that is beneficial for him (management, finances, marketing, humour, entertainment, acting, psychology, yes, psychology, remember Sheena who said he has amazing empathy and he is the leader? Sheena knew what she was talking about). And probably many other fields of interest I don’t know about but all these need a good strategic brain. Link channels his intelligence in certain ways, probably for efficiency, and his way of thinking is also a bit peculiar which might estrange initially but he’s veeeeeeeeeeeeeeery clever underneath this carefully constructed persona. And underneath that soft cookie there is a much more challenging man to deal with. And underneath that divine calming smile there is a hell of emotions, good mixed with bad. I think he’s a very intense person. 

I find him so fascinating that he almost scares me. There is a small chance he fascinates me so much that I straight up imagine things about him but honestly I think I may be right about at least a few of these. He’s definitely much smarter than most people think he is, let’s leave it at that XD

[0214mile]

✎ svt as hogwarts students! AU

this is basically a ctrl+c and ctrl+v from my twitter account bcs i wanted a different platform to save my “au’s” on! this is NOT stolen! i am @.serencty [previously @.smolteeen] on twitter 

[authors note]

this au is v much based on 21st century wizarding world 

lots of hp reference so if u dont get them sorry! 

they're my thoughts so please dont criticize 

☾ if u have any comment to say anything/to add on/questions abt hp, please reply in 'comments?' (end of thread)

⇾ seungcheol

house: gryffindor

blood status: half-blood

patronus: mongrel dog

position 01: gryffindor quidditch captain

↳ keeper

position 2: headboy

a giant dork & liked by everyone

all girls love him&boys want to be him (or vice versa works too)

knows everything abt quidditch. and i mean EVERYTHING (basically oliver wood)

sucks @ potions 

has a personal bed in the infirmary (thanks 2 quidditch + potions accidents)

teaches first years flying

has friends in first year & sits and talks w/ them —the go-to person for every first years

attends quidditch matches even after graduating 

⇾ jeonghan

house: slytherin

blood status: pureblood

patronus: black swan

position: prefect

boys & girls have a crush on him (a wholesome BI king)

somehow gets E (Exceeds Expectations; 2nd best) in tests without studying

hosts interhouse parties in the room of requirements called '1004'

gets away with every prank (weasley twins wHo)

loves chan; like u hurt him and u will regret that FOR LIFE

never denies dating rumours of him & cheol (a wholesome BI king pt.2)

knows all your secrets 

with jisoo all the DAMN time

⇾ joshua

house: hufflepuff

blood status: muggleborn

patronus: mountain hare

position: prefect

the most popular dude in hogwarts; like even peeves likes him —he's just SO NICe ufeel

hosts guitar lessons in gardens (sings sunday morning every single lesson)

ace student in charms

bffs with jeonghan

no one expects it but he's one of the biggest prakster in hogwarts (he’s the black horse okay)

uploads 'calming guitar acoustic for studying' on jihoon's music app (check jihoon)

WILD during 1004

⇾ junhui

house: hufflepuff

blood status: pureblood

patronus: tonkinese cat

position: hufflepuff seeker

(v much like cedric)

looks like a slytherin but yeEt he’s the epitome of UWU

the 'popular guy'

a complete charmer; even portraits like him

flirts a lot but has never been to base 2 in any relationship lol

good at alchemy and DADA

in the theatre club + hoshi's dance club

no one EVER sees him study but he still gets A (Acceptable; 3rd best)

⇾ soonyoung

house: gryffindor

blood status: muggleborn

patronus: eagle

position: prefect

one of the most liked + hated person in the school

cannot and will not shut up

detention is already part of his schedule beforehand

amazing @ transfiguration so mcgonagall loves him

hosts HOSHI's DANCE club

his wand has been broken +5 times so its taped together (somehow still usable)

constantly changes hair colour to be 2cool4skool

provoked the giant squid & was unconscious for 4 weeks

obvious prankster &gets caught all the time

⇾ wonwoo

house: ravenclaw

blood status: pureblood

patronus: nebelung cat

position: ravenclaw seeker

perfect mix of slytherin&ravenclaw

super intimidating & will judge u even if ur friends

somehow bffs w/ soonyoung

↳ only one who can control him

↳ always bickering

will fuking fight u if u call anyone mudblood

in the library 24/7

↳ reading everywhere & anytime

↳ loved by madam pince

↳ helps out in the library; recommends books, shows students where they can find books,etc 

good @ all subjects except care of magical creatures hes rubbish

apparates everywhere & scares the shit out of everyone

admired by lots but doesnt realise it

⇾ jihoon

house: ravenclaw

blood status: half-blood

patronus: lynx

position 01: prefect

position 02: ravenclaw chaser

literally the coolest person in hogwarts

ace student in all subjects

always writing lyrics and making beats; if u sit next to him in class, u will not get ANY work done bcs of his tapping

created soundcloud equivalent app in the wizarding world

installed wifi & made muggle technology work @ hogwarts

responsible for the booze @ 1004

↳ releases songs under the name W00ZI

⇾ minghao

house: gryffindor

blood status: half-blood

patronus: salamander

position: gryffindor chaser

the8-ifies his uniform to be "edgy"

↳ wears GUCCI with his robes

↳ cuts up his uniform& adds chains

↳ basically revolutionized diy uniforms @ hogwarts

↳ responsible for fashion trends @ hogwarts

judges u & roasts u all the time

sleeps with a kermit doll uwu

taught portraits how to dab

knows all the secret passages

best @ DADA

best dancer in HOSHI's club

⇾ mingyu

house: hufflepuff

blood status: muggleborn

patronus: mastiff

position: hufflepuff beater

the 'popular guy' w/ jun

surrounded by girls & hates it but is too nice to say NO so wonu helps out by glaringlol

not particularly good @ any subject except care of magical creatures (wonu&him help each other out)

loved by kitchen elves

↳ in the kitchens 24/7

has been locked out of the common room several times

always dirty?; dust on face, mud on shoes, etc.

has a business @ hogwarts selling muggle technology

⇾ seokmin

house: hufflepuff

blood status: muggleborn

patronus: salmon

position: hufflepuff beater

one of the most liked & hated ppl in the school pt.2

louder than soonyoung

sings 24/7 u ALWAYS know when hes comig ur way bcs his voice echoes thru the hallways

works @ honeydukes for free sweets

only good @ charms

banned from potions

uploads on jihoon's music app under DK

reason why hufflepuff never wins the house cup

kicked out of the common room for being loud

once turned himself into a salmon during transfiguration for 5hrs fb status: flapping

super COOL when playing quidditch

⇾ seungkwan

house: hufflepuff

blood status: halfblood

patronus: basset hound

position: quidditch commentator

funniest & nicest person in hogwarts

liked by everyone; ghosts? portraits? teachers? students? u name it and they only have good things to say abt boo :)

loves all his friends (esp. hansol) & will FITE U if u hurt anyone

cheers the loudest in quidditch matches (never biased though)

uploads on jihoon's music app under BOOISHERE

booseoksoon combo is everyones nightmare

good @ all subjects except flying broke his wrist like neville poor boo :,(

wins most of the points for hufflepuff

mcgonagall & hagrid's favourite student ever

killed his plant in herbology & cried

welcomed in the kitchen 24/7

⇾ hansol

house: ravenclaw

blood status: muggleborn

patronus: orangutan

uniform has holes everywhere

↳ wears SUPREME and THRASHERS under the robe 

skates to class

has a cassette player 24/7 hes just that wannabe cool 90′s kid okey

never listens in class but does well in tests so the teachers let him be

↳ daydreams alot but his daydreams are with meaning??/?

friends w/ the giant squid

no.1 listened rapper on jihoon's music app (under VERNON)

writes lyrics all the time

girls ♡ him but he ?

rapped for dumbledore's bday & got 250 points

bffs w/ seungkwan

↳ does covers w/ him

↳ w/ him all the time despite not being in the same house

good @ astronomy

⇾ chan

house: gryffindor

blood status: pureblood

patronus: marsh harrier

position: quidditch commentator bangchan is HERE

hangs out w/ older kids (esp. jeonghan)

good @ all subjects; a child prodigy we stAn

“DANCING IS MY PASSION”

↳ part of HOSHI's dance club

↳ watched+ listened to MJ and fell in LOVE ; loved dancing ever since

makes potions that makes u a little loopy/high for 1004

savage af

cried when jisoo got him MJ bed sheets & pjs for his bday

knows everyone's secrets (blame jeonghan)

surprisingly doesnt have that many friends

interested in muggle stuff

[snowkatze]

Normal Guys

This is for the Carry On Countdown 2017 (@carryon-countdown) Prompt: Social Media (Day 2) Genre: angst, fluff Word Count: 2118 Summary: Baz texts some guy on a dating app online and tries to forget about his love for Simon Snow.

Factually, they're just lines. A machine could be programmed to write lines like that; yes, he might not even be human. It might just be an illusion that has been granted to me. He might not be who he says he is, he might not be anybody at all. They might be lies, because lying is easy under the cloak of anonymity and online, where there's no eye contact, no mimics, no sounds to give you away. I know that it would be easy and that life might be cruel enough to fool me into believing someone would be able to love me. I know they're just lines. But despite all that, I can't help but look at these words and feel like they're not just lines, but hope.

And they make me think that even I could love again, someone who is not Simon Snow. For that, it is not important whether this is real at all, whether anyone could be capable to love me at all, because after all, I am nothing but lines, too.

Sconeslove2 02:12 am: lol r u a vampire or smth

NormalHuman 02:12 am: May I remind you that you texted me first? Sconeslove2 02:13 am: yeah but i'm disfunctional, what's your excuse?

Sconeslove2 02:13 am: btw ur so posh Sconeslove2 02:13 am: u talk like old people

Sconeslove2 02:13 am: cause ur an immortal vampire

NormalHuman 02:14 am: I am a normal human. It literally says so in my url. And of course, I lie, too.

Sconeslove2 02:14 am: which is suspicious in itself!!!! NormalHuman 02:14 am: What about your url? I can honestly not believe there is another imbecile on this earth who would call himself 'Sconeslove'. So why the 2? Sconeslove2 02:15 am: don't try to distract me!!! ur trying to seduce me aren't u NormalHuman 02:16 am: If I was a vampire, you would be the last person whose blood I'd drink. Sconeslove2 02:16 am: aaaaw because u love me so much? NormalHuman 02:17 am: because your blood would taste disgusting, idiot

Sconeslove2 02:18 am: how do u kno? can u smell it.. cause ur a vampire with super senses? NormalHuman 02:18 am: sure. i kno exactly which smell belongs to ur blood under all the 7 billion people whose blood i can smell at the exact same time

Smelling every person on earth, that would be hell. It's hard enough with the person sleeping across from me every night. Sconeslove2 02:18 am: ahjdaldakl u didn't use perfect grammar. r u tryin to get down with the kids to conceal ur vampire identity

NormalHuman 02:19 am: You simply don't deserve this eloquence. I don't respect you enough. Sconeslove2 02:19 am: it's just my bad influence, isn't it

Sconeslove2 02:20 am: I know you're not a vampire btw

Sconeslove2 02:20 am: My room mate is one and he's ToTalLy different from u

Sconeslove2 02:20 am: TOTally

Sconeslove2 02:21 am: He is the epitome of evil!!!

NormalHuman 02:21 am: And I'm just the nicest person on the planet, aren't I? Sconeslove2 02:21 am: well no but ur not planning my demise, r u? Sconeslove2 02:22 am: or the downfall of literal mankind?!?! NormalHuman 02:22 am: Once again, it is shown how little you know about me. As a matter of fact, both of these things are on top of my priorities.

Sconeslove2 02:23 am: u have a list, don't u

Sconeslove2 02:23 am: a priority list

Sconeslove2 02:23 am: u seem like a person who has lots if lists

NormalHuman 02:24 am: Stop double texting me. Sconeslove2 02:24 am: U FOOL

Sconeslove2 02:24 am: i dont just double text Sconeslove2 02:25 am: I tRIPle text

Sconeslove2 02:25 am: I QUAdriple txt

Sconeslove2 02:25 am: I Sixtriple text

Sconeslove2 02:26 am: Septribble NormalHuman 02:26 am: sTOP Sconeslove2 02:26 am: Octave

NormalHuman 02:27 am: Go to sleep

Sometimes it scares me how much he acts like Snow.

Sconeslove2 02:27 am: why? are u concerned for my wellbeing?

NormalHuman 02:27 am: no NormalHuman 02:27 am: It's just like you're sleep-drunk or something

Sconeslove2 02:28 am: hey

Sconeslove2 02:28 am: is there a reason you're still awake? NormalHuman 02:29 am: just couldn't sleep

Sconeslove2 02:29 am: did you have a nightmare?

And it's almost like somebody actually cares about me. Sconeslove2 02:29 am: again? NormalHuman 02:30 am: yes

Sconeslove2 02:30 am: Do you want to tell me about it? NormalHuman 02:30 am: i'm fine

Sconeslove2 02:31 am: Don't lie to me

Sconeslove2 02:32 am: it's okay, you don't have to tell me

Sconeslove2 02:32 am: I just wish you were alright

NormalHuman 02:32 am: me too

Sconeslove2 02:33 am: Just imagine I'm hugging you Sconeslove2 02:33 am: really hard

Sconeslove2 02:33 am: until you're not sure any more whether I'm trying to show you that I love you or trying to kill you

I can't remember the last time somebody hugged me like they meant it. Nobody ever touches me. Nobody dares to touch me.

Sconeslove2 02:34 am: You know, I'm sort of really good at protecting people

Sconeslove2 02:34 am: I'm exceptionally good at slaying monsters Sconeslove2 02:34 am: And I'll slay your nightmares too

Sconeslove2 02:35 am: until you're happy again

Sconeslove2 02:35 am: I can be your knight in shining armour

NormalHuman 02:36 am: And I can be a normal guy

Sconeslove2 02:36 am: ha

Sconeslove2 02:36 am: I can't imagine anything nicer

Sconeslove2 02:37 am: don't worry

Sconeslove2 02:37 am: You and I, we can be normal guys

That would be nice, wouldn't it?

NormalHuman 02:38 am: Promise me we'll run away together Sconeslove2 02:38 am: of course

Sconeslove2 02:39 am: It'll be the cheesiest love story

NormalHuman 02:40 am: I don't know a lot of love stories

Sconeslove2 02:40 am: How about Romeo and Juliet

Sconeslove2 02:40 am: You know that one for sure

Romeo and Juliet? Been there, done that. But of course I can't tell him that.

NormalHuman 02:41 am: You know they die in the end, right? Sconeslove2 02:42 am: You're a vampire tho

Sconeslove2 02:42 am: You can't die

NormalHuman 02:42 am: Then I'll just lose you

Sconeslove2 02:42 am: Fine, then we'll be a different love story

Sconeslove2 02:43 am: Twilight?

NormalHuman 02:43 am: fuck off

Sconeslove2 02:44 am: You're smiling though, right?

I'm not smiling. I'm crying. Because this is just a dream that I'll never have. Because he doesn't know that my life is actually a pretty crappy novel, and I really do die at the end. Because he doesn't know that I'm the monster in someone else's love story. I don't reply to him for a long time. NormalHuman 02:58 am: yeah

NormalHuman 02:58 am: I'm smiling

He doesn't answer me after that.

I suppose I'll try to go back to sleep, too, then. Tomorrow I'll have to return to Watford, go back to face him. But maybe it's true that one day, I'll be rid of him. (Except maybe I'm only fooling myself; maybe, in reality, I'm pretending like I'm texting Snow, and not some stranger, and that means that, actually, I'm not making any progress at all.)

The problem is that it doesn't help at all. I like Sconeslove2 (Though, really, scones? It's almost too ironic). But I still love Simon Snow, no matter what I do.

In a very, very low moment, I created a dating profile and there he was. Sconeslove2, who seems to understand me better than anyone has before. Sometimes I think he's just as broken as I am, which should make me sad, but somehow only comforts me (Another indication of what a terrible human being I am. Or rather, vampire being.).

We've been talking for weeks now, yet I still don't know his name, and he doesn't know mine. I like it too much to give it up. For once, I can disguise myself as someone else.

When I arrive at Watford, I realize that I have a few new messages from Sconeslove2.

Sconeslove2 01:16 pm: hey

Sconeslove2 01:16 pm: I'm sorry. I lied to you. Sconeslove2 01:17 pm: I don't think we should keep texting.

I stare at the messages, trying to grasp their meaning. He lied to me. I knew it. I knew he couldn't be real; that no one could ever be serious about liking me. It seems like a physical impossibility of the universe. And even though I gathered that something sketchy was going on, I can't help but feel hurt, like I can't breathe any more.

It's okay. I was lying, too. I'm not a normal guy.

He never would've liked me if he had known who I was.

It's okay. NormalHuman 02:23 pm: ok Sconeslove2 02:24 pm: no I'll explain Sconeslove2 02:24 pm: I just don't want to lead you on, ok? NormalHuman 02:25 pm: No it's alright

Sconeslove2 02:26 pm: Remember when I told you you weren't like my room mate at all? Sconeslove2 02:26 pm: That's what I lied about. You and my room mate are actually really similar. NormalHuman 02:27 pm: … NormalHuman 02:27 pm: So you hate me?

Sconeslove2 02:28 pm: no

Sconeslove2 02:28 pm: that's just the thing

Sconeslove2 02:29 pm: I really really like you

NormalHuman 02:30 pm: Then what's the problem? Sconeslove2 02:32 pm: The problem is that you're really similar to my room mate

NormalHuman 02:34 pm: ? Sconeslove2 02:34 pm: that made me realize Sconeslove2 02:34 pm: I think I like him

Sconeslove2 02:34 pm: Romantically NormalHuman 02:35 pm: The epitome of evil? Sconeslove2 02:36 pm: unfortunately

Sconeslove2 02:36 pm: he'd kill me if he knew

Sconeslove2 02:37 pm: he'll kill me one day one way or another

NormalHuman 02:37 pm: Maybe you're wrong about that

Sconeslove2 02:37 pm: You aren't mad?

NormalHuman 02:38 pm: No

NormalHuman 02:38 pm: Actually, I'm in love with my room mate as well. NormalHuman 02:39 pm: And if your room mate is anything like me, he's really good at pretending. So your chances might be higher than you think.

Sconeslove2 02:40 pm: Wouldn't it be funny if we were actually room mates? NormalHuman 02:40 pm: That wouldn't be funny, that would be a fucking miracle.

I smile down at my phone. Maybe at least Sconeslove2 can be happy. He wouldn't have been happy with me anyway. Not once he'd met me in real life.

Sconeslove2 02:44 pm: I'm going to miss you.

NormalHuman 02:45 pm: Me too

Sconeslove2 02:46 pm: Goodbye then, vampire boy

Sconeslove2 02:46 pm: Thank you for helping me find myself

NormalHuman 02:47 pm: Just one question before you go

I can't help it.

NormalHuman 02:48 pm: Is your name Simon? Sconeslove2 02:49 pm: yes???? wtf

I drop the phone. I can hear the glass shattering, but I don't care. I start running. That's too many coincidences to ignore. I make my way up the steps and only stop shortly in front of our door. Then I take a breath and open the door, my heart fluttering nervously.

Simon is lying on the bed, his phone in hand. He doesn't even have the time to look up before I've snatched the phone out of his hand.

The chat is still open.

Sconeslove2 to NormalHuman.

I'm a fucking idiot.

“Hey, give that back!” Snow shouts, but I ignore him and scroll through the chat to convince myself it's still there. Snow stands up and tries to take the phone from me, but I push him away. “I like him,” I hiss. “Romantically. That's what you said.” Now he recoils and blushes. “I – I -” I won't listen to his stammering. I push him against the door with my arm and hold him there.

“Did you mean it?” He avoids my gaze. I press harder. This is important.

“Did you say it just to mess with me?” And he looks up. He looks scared, but I can't tell what of.

“No,” he whispers. I hold his gaze. He doesn't look away.

He's telling the truth. I can tell. It's a lot harder to lie in real life than online.

“You like me?” I ask stiffly.

“Yes,” he mutters and drops his gaze.

“So... You're NormalHuman?”

“Yeah.” “Weird that that's the name you would give yourself...” “What? Because I'm a vampire?” My gaze is dark, and he looks up at me again.

“No... Because you're the most extraordinary human I've ever met.”

“I didn't lie to you about my room mate.” He looks at me sheepishly and I see that he's trying to hide a smile.

“So we both like our room mates.” “A miracle...” “It is a bit funny though, isn't it?” I smile at him. “Yeah... It is.”

[wang-yeon]

Fragile Bones| Taehyung

Having  a child had been the toughest aspect of your life however as you meet Tae everything seemed to vanish. Oh how you were wrong, Tae holds a passion with under ground fighting that you cant bear even but whats the damage it could cost. He has been a father like visual to your child for all this time and now he begins to to lose these moments because of his love for illegal fighting. You have the choice to understand his ways or leave him and move along

Warning: Smut, cursing, violence hunnty, fighter tae!

Genre: Smut angst possibly fluff

Word count: 13K

A/N: Sorry ive been gone ive been taking exams and honey i am stressed but im finished so now i can focus on what more important you guys and BTS beauty also there is most likely spelling errors i wanted to get his up as soon as i could for you guys

I traced the outline of his fragile bones, each holding a defined darkened bruise. Along the busted and bruised skin came along scars of his past markings. Scars that held different reasons of each but all coming together mixing on his body as it was seen as a damage canvas  of injury had been permanently marked on his body without any worry. The opponent had caused the damage as Tae along with his scared body was apart of an underground fighting rink. He had willing done this to his body and he was perfectly fine with it as it was what he loved, somewhere along the line i wish i was fine with his passion too. The top reasons why i had found no interest in the idea was the fact that he would get hurt and that we had a child living under our roof who was frequently seeing the great pain that was relished upon him. It was sore for Dylans eyes especially as when he first laid eyes on his bruised skin he began to grow worried and ask questions but as Tae quickly dismissed that he was a bad guy fighting crime. I smiled upon the memory of my two favorite men in my life. Dylan hadnt been biologically been Tae's son however he saw him like a father and addressed him as one. He never knew his actually father as he left at the tender of before knowing how to walk, even before then Tae had taken the place of his official father figure before he could draw any questions. Even in life we managed to have bruises and bumps but along the way you may meet someone to heal these wounds, however not all wounds are heal able. Tae was living proof of so.

After i finished looking over his back i lightly tapped him signalling. He slightly flinched at the not so gentle touch as i was providing him causing me to usher out a gentle sorry. He let out a shaken breathe as he shifted his body allowing me to get a full view of his slightly tampered face, however it still managed to look as picturesque as usually. I carefully cleaned his face watching him flinch at each wipe i provided him with as well did I. I felt him looking at me with his golden honey eyes not focusing on his own pain rather than mine. It always amazed me how he took in others feelings rather than his hence the reason he started this whole thing. We had been struggling for quiet some time before he decided to partake in this as i was struggling with jobs, till i finally decided to land one. However he still participated in it as he began to realize this small job he did to provided for our family was his true passion that he had to stick with so i sought out my best to follow along his side.

"You dont have to worry about me, Ill be fine and im still fine."

"Your scars speak other wise."

I pressed down on one bruised partially rough causing him to winch showing him that i was right in the situation. I keep on this time taking in a gentle approach on cleaning his face. I still felt his eyes longing for mine however i still continued cleaning his face. I had felt myself becoming suborn however a common trait along with this was that i hadnt cared if i was feeling this way or not. I had felt myself wanting to look at him but i kept on wanting to feel something that would allow me to have a sense of power but in reality it was pointless and I had no reason to do so.

"Please, just look at me."

I felt my orbs look down at him in a glance before looking back at other features of his face. I keep on with my actions before i felt Taes rough hands travel to my cheeks causing my lips to pucker out and create the feeling of my cheeks being big and chubby. I felt him guide my face to his as he let out a victorious smirk before i felt his lips mold with mine causing me to soften from my previous mood. The kiss was light and sweet enough to bring me to the state of the very first moment we had meet and the bound filled emotions I had felt however the moment had came to an end rather to soon still causing a smile to paint itself on my features.

"I can taste the blood on your lips."

"I thought you were into that."

I laughed shaking my head slightly at his words. Even in the mist of his injuries he had managed to make me smile causing his eyes to soften upon my features. He grew out of his pain by seeing the joy off others as he grew in anger seeing the angered words of his opines

He varied in emotions and at times it grew worrisome but he never gave me the reason to be scared of him and i knew i never would

"I could literally watch you smile all day, and definitely in the creepy way. However Now we need to get some rest the both of us, we've had a long day."

"Mostly you."

"What? Are you kidding me, you literally juggle a high end job all while being an amazing mother. You are what the kids call a MILF."

"Milf?"

"Ill explain later my innocent child but for now we have to go to bed."

I felt his hand ruffle my hair while he got up off of the the coach gesturing a hand to lift me off the couch as well. I lifted myself up as he guided me down the hall leading to our bedroom. Tae had been leading the way as we had been approaching our sons door as the door had been peaked open slightly leaving minimal light to travel into his room but just enough to see shadows passing through it. Dylan had seen Taes shadow pass through as he let out an audio able noise to make himself known.

"Dad?"

Tae turned and slightly opened the door allowing for Dylan to see his facial outline as the room was dark while the light attempted to come through in the room. Tae directed his attention to him as i stood besides tae taking in the unfolded scene. I had always been slight envious over their relationship as Dylan always could talk to Tae more than he could with me considering he was a boy himself. However i never let that get in my way as i knew that i rather have them have a healthy relationship.

"Yeah, Dyl?"

"Fighting."

"Fighting."

They proceed to put their fist in the air as Dylan let out a tiny smile before curling back into bed. It had been their own little signal to each other a handshake but something much more significant. It was another from of I love you but held greater meaning as they were the only people they knew who shared a saying like so. Their were thousands of people transmitting this three letter words however they were the only two people ushering these words to each other in such significance.

I carefully walked past his door letting out a small kiss to him as he kissed me back smiling before turning back in his bed to proceed his sleep. As we keep on our way down the hall Taes arm looped around mine as we reached the bedroom ushering me in first into the darkened room. I felt myself collapse against the bed feeling the softened but only feeling more comfort feeling Taes arm back around my shoulders bringing me in for a engulfed embrace. I felt myself drift in and out of sleep before feeling the sleep taking me over completely all while Taes busted and bruised being held me tightly.

The eager morning had been spent with the loud ear shaking alarm and Dylan and Tae racing McDonald toys on the coffee table. The mornings had always been hectic resulting in me providing for everyone's care and not my own however it always managed to work out as i was use to it and it seemed to go smoothly as Tae was in charge of driving us around. Tae had been drumming on his steering wheel while Dylan laid in the back sighting ever word that ushered out of the radio. All while I was displayed in the front seat fitting in my seat adjusting my attire as Tae genteelly placed my thigh telling me everything will be okay however today was rather different as words other than song ushered past Dylans lips.

"All the kids at school make fun of me because i dont have a dad."

The question had certainly thrown us for a loop especially Tae as it was directed to him. He glanced in the mirror at Dylan furrowing his eyes as he sat their oblivious to the claim he had stated. Tae had gotten himself together before he answered his question to the best of the abilities.

"But what do you mean im your dad and im perfectl fine."

"Yeah but you never go to my class thingys."

+I had heard the slight pain in his voice even for his age it had seemed to have a great affect on him causing my heart to tense. I could however tell it had the most affect on Taes behalf as he was the one responsible for his pain. A combination of Taes pain and his sons was the epitome of a chaos mixed pain that he was left with.

"But i know that my dad isnt like other dads hes a fighter!"

Tae smiled it off trying to show that the conversation hadnt emotionally took a toll on him. I could tell in his features it had. Tae was so caught up in his training and fights he had neglected his true passion being his son. He wasnt the one to blame as he was blinded by what he loved but when the light shown through he realized what had actually been occurring.

"You know Dyl pickle has a pumpkin carving event at 2:30 and i dont know maybe we could go, i promise as your parents we wont embarrass you."

I turned my head to Dylan and scanning Tae to see their answers. I had seen Dylan physically beam at the thought causing a smile to commence my lips as well as Taes.I had believed he wouldnt mess this event up as i could see his mood lighten at the thought of actually being able to have a better understand of his son.

"Oh of course you can come just please dont embarress me in front of Jisoo."

Tae and Is eyes bulged at the simple name making us smirk at the name and causing Dylan to tense. Luckily enough we had been at the drop off signalling Dylan to open his door in a hurry and bolted off to school. However he hadnt bolted off quick enough for us to usher one last embarrassing thing past out lips.

"If that Jisoo chick even thinks about breaking your heart tell her your dads a fighter."

Tae smiled at his own comment before rolling the window back up not glancing at our sons facial expression. I had known it had been a mix of embarrassed of emotions all of thee witch probably wasnt the best thing to do in a parental situation however it still remained slightly funny especially the reaction displayed. I let out a stiffed laugh trying not to encouraging his behavior as i knew it was terrible but choose the longer road with Tae.

I felt Tae squeeze my tight as he drove off to my work still humming to the car tunes. The car remained in a bliss filled silence focusing on the drive ahead till my words dawned upon me on what would relay on this evening. One thing was for certain about what was to occur in the next few hours of Dylans school.

"We are definetly going to embaress him at the pumkin carving eveent."

"And if we dont then we already did."

Tae high fived me in a sense of humor. It wasnt that we were trilled that we had been embarrassing our kid but rather that the simple act of parenting is hard and we must pick on our kid to show them how unperfect we truly are and teaching them that its okay. Also having a sense of humor about the whole ordeal. My little son had developed a crush and I had been freaking out inside however i managed to make a joke of it, i knew this wouldnt work in every situation but i aimed to make jokes in the small things to make them lighter. I hope Dylan would endure this gene from me.

Work had been filled with a honor filled dread being piled up with paper work of unnecessary paper work with the occasional sexual glances my boss had thrown my way haddnt been adding to a glorious delight. Things had only gone increasingly worst as i had been waiting outside for a long period of time for Tae. I watched my other co-workers who had been dismissed from their shift at work making me wonder ever more where Tae had taken place. I tried to remember if he had any fights today but nothing had come to mind. He usually tells me about working hours however this time he hadnt said a thing. Possibly he was doing something else besides fighting but i found it hard to believe as this was his only hobby. Either way it hadnt given him an excuses to miss the effort to pick me up as well as missing out on my sons pumpkin craving event. Tae had always been willing to put in the extra motive for Dylan especially since he hadnt been his biological father however i as well as myself see him as his father. I had remembered the first time we had begun to talk before all of this madness had created itself nothing had been going wrong however as i feel the cold breeze pass by me im reminded on how things were as of now.

I felt my hands hover over the phone clicking on Taes contact. As my finger hovered over the icon i looked at the picture displaying three people, more importantly me Tae and Dylan. We all had smiles painted on our face bu one was more ambitious than the most, Dylans. He had been gracious to have both of his parents previewing to be happy in the single photo causing him such joy. I hadnt wanted to give up on Tae and believed that possibly he had been a few minutes late. I hesitantly pressed the call option pressing the phone to my ear looking at the cold breathe coming out my mouth whispering the words that were to come out my mouth.

"Hello?"

"Tae, Its Y/N i know your probaly running just a little lat-"

"Ha! Im just messing with you this is actually my voice mail i got you good didnt I."

I rolled my eyes  at his playful behavior sometimes forgetting that i had been dating a five year old. We hadnt always had our downs in fact rather rarely but when these times came we had always lashed out on each other and i could already feel the hurl our way in a short amount of time.

I began to shake in my clothing looking at the time below me. It hadnt been that far off from the time the event was to begin. i hadnt wanted Taes choices to effect mine. I had an idea of what he was doing and i promised myself to accept it but with this occurring it certainly had grown tough. The added hobby he had made things into a growing pain, one that i knew had been bad from the start but continued one with it as ambition coursed throughout his veins. However i hadnt wanted this hobby to stick with me as it did with him. Along with this hobby had stuck with visible and emotional pain. His pain being only temporary as it appeared from the outside and others appearing from the outside. I thought about this longing out into the distance already understanding the emotional pain around the concept but not wanting Dylan to feel it as well. Dylan was already hanging onto a tread with one parent but i hadnt wanted it to happen with the other. I looked down at my watch one last time before pulling out change in my pursing counting the change and racing my way to the bus stop nothing but hope in my veins to not inflect a longing emotional pain in my son as well.

My shoes had clinked down the hallway already feeling the tightening in my chest of being late but the slight reassurance of showing up made it worth while. I had understood that showing up late would cause slight embarrassment as the other parents had judged me and i was preparing myself for that. I had been late and also a single parent which wasnt a bad thing however everyone had known I wasnt. Everyone had know that me and Tae had co parented fairly well as Dylan always pointed it out. He always tried to mention Tae in every conversation he held finding anyway to tell people how heroic his father was for being a fighter or a super hero e liked to call it. However his hero wasnt their and he could see that as i entered the class room in a slight huff but still managed to have his evident smile painted on his face ushering the words mommy from his lips. In that moment I had to step up as the super hero as Tae wasnt present.

"Hey sweetheart, i promised i would come."

Instead of responding Dylan provided to push his body more into mine engulfing me fully proud that at least someone had shown up. I couldnt have Tae take the full blame as my job didnt always provide me with free time to spend with my family, it was rather hard but seeing that smile on his face made things worth while. I felt myself wanting to apologize for being late or the simple fact that i couldnt attend these types of things regularly but i felt as if bringing it up would burden things even more. I wanted to focus on the moment that was happening between us the moment being true happiness. I hadnt experience this much and wanted to take i as it was.

Dylan had begun to eagerly drag me over to the his table as i stumbled along smiling upon him as his teacher had greeted us at the table. I took a set as Dylan pulled his seat closer showing his gums as he began to eat another piece of candy before sketching out his pumpkin draft.

"I hope you dont mind but i gave him some candy before you got here."

I looked over to see Dylans teacher Mr. Park displayed in the seat beside him taking the understanding that he had taken the parental place for the night while i wasnt there. I could picture Dylans saddened smile trying to paint itself while he tried to make it better. Candy surely had been a temporary happiness but i was also lucky that he had a teacher to step in while no one else was their making me grateful for a teacher like so.

"Oh yeah thats perfectly fine its not like he'll turn into a gremblin or anything of the sort."

He ushered a small laugh as his eyes crinkled making me smile slightly.I directed my attention back to Dylan as he put detail into his drawing. I gone into a conversation about Mr. Park about my son Dylan and other different aspects of the most random things. Dylan had seemed so focused on his drawing that had seemed to sprout a smile in his lovely face.

"Your son is surely intelligent and he also knows a few things about his chocolate candy."

"Thank you and he gets that from me, we both share that wondrous sweet tooth."

"See ive always been just a fan of kit kats and nothing more."

"With all do respect Mr. Park you need to expand your variety."

We both begun to laugh over the small conversation sprouting. It felt good to have a sort of relationship with your child's teacher however Tae never agreed upon so. Tae never was fond of Mr. Park as he presumed that he used his teachings in order to get closer to me. This wasnt fairy true as he was just telling whats best for Dylan and the support he needs bringing it back to me and Tae but more specifically me. Tae had let the idea sprout to his head that it was a way of flirting which was very absurd however i couldn't hold it past him as he tended to get jealous easily. He wouldnt be very fond o the moment growing between me and Mr. Park especially.  Tae hadnt been so innocent either doing god knows what out while he could have been partaking in this moment rather than Mr. Park. Just at the simple thought i was fuming but decided to smile along with Parks comment trying isolate the feelings i held inside but it grew rather hard as i felt my phone buss notifying me a text from Tae.

[3:45] Tae: Where are you? Im outside your job, are you in a different spot

I rolled my eyes at the test message displayed. He had definitely forgot about the event taking place. It had confirmed everything making me question if i possibly even still loved him. Of course i had i still had affection for him but i felt it decreasing at the fact of his forgetful importance. Mr. Park must have saw my sadden features mixed with madness taking over my appearance as he gave me a questioning look. I knew that only telling him the commotion on what was going on would only increase the mixing chaos however i did have the next to express my feelings.

"You know just parent problems."

He nodded looking over at Dylan and patting his back while covering up his master piece. He hadnt wanted anyone to view it till it was compositely done. Adding all sorts of colors to make it pop. I attempted to glance over at his drawing wanting to see what he conjured up but he managed to push me way making a face at me while sticking his tongue out. As he finished up he asked me to add a detail.

"Mommy you write awesome can you write the words family really big across the bottom?"

I nodded along as he slide the paper to me as i garbed the pencil. I examined the picture. It had been a drawn stick figure picture displaying what i assumed was me and Dylan, however it was just me and him and nobody else. I squinted my eyes wondering why he hadnt bothered to draw Tae as well. Possibly because he wasn't here this moment however he always is displayed in our day to day life, at times. I had known it had been difficult especially for Tae and he wanted to put in an effort but maybe it just wasnt enough as Dylan was already setting expectations.

"Mommy the letter."

"Sorry baby mommy was just looking at your beautiful drawing."

"Hehe, i know."

I smiled and ruffled his hair while drawing the words family on the paper. I looked over it inhaling a sharp breathe feeling my heart tighten at the fact of an invisible Tae displayed on the paper. I could feel Mr. Parks eyes stare upon the paper as well already feeling a stinging in his chest as well. He rubbed my back trying to force a smile to Dylan making sure he hadnt seen my features. I fell into his comfort not knowing how to take the situation at hand. Dylan had already lost his first father and i hadn't been prepared for the next one to go as well. It had already began to take an emotional toll on me as i felt a small stream flow from my eyes drawing concern to Dylan.

"Mommy?"

"Im fine baby, its jsut so beautiful."

I smiled through the tears as Dylan moved in his seat to wipe away my tears with the palm of his hand making my heart coo. He had been an affectionate child making me worry about what was to come for the future. It couldnt be the last time this were to occur making things even harder to pursue for the future. I couldnt focus on anything but Dylan and how things would take a toll on him. I certainly hoped that it wouldnt change him drastically but i knew it would have a few changes to his overall characteristics.

"It will look even better once we crave it into the pumpkin."

"Actually, im sorry Dylan but weve run out of time do work on that. Your drawing looks amazing though."

Dylans eyes began to grow drippy as his teacher hushed those words past his lips. I had reconsider this look however it never displayed on his face as much as he reminded in a happy conundrum for the majority of the time. Possibly it was the whole pile up of Tae not being here or maybe it truly was that he couldnt display his masterpiece on a rounded pumpkin. Whatever it may have been tears had begun to swell in his eyes and panic had begun to set in for me and Mr. Park.

"Hey, Dylan dont cry how would you feel if I let you have th rest of the candy?"

Dylan peaked up at the mention of candy as Mr. Park looked at me asking if it had been okay to which i hesitated but nodded willingly. I witnessed as Dylan got up with glee rushing to the candy before he could making me laugh and the tears go away fully. I had been focused on the moment  of Dylan taking as much candy as he could with his small hands in reach taking in only a portion of the candy. Mr. Park had joined in taking in a handful of the candy putting more into his hand causing an enormous smile to partake on his and my face. My smile began to flatten as i felt my phone vibrate again hesitating if i should even look at the text already assuming who it had been from but i sat it down on the table picking myself up and following after Dylan to help him gather candy. For tonight i wanted my focus to be on my lovely son and the moment partaking between as at this moment. I hadnt wanted to let him down as i was the superhero in this moment and i had been the only one he had seen as his 'family' as of now.

"Are you sure you dont need a ride?"

"Yeah im sure thank you for the offer."

I had been outside along side with a clinging Dylan and and concerned Mr. Park. I had told him that we would be taking the public bus home to which he dismissed by offering a ride. I hadnt wanted to be a burden nor did i want things to escalate that far. I already held a healthy parent teacher relationship with him and i hadnt wanted anything to go beyond that state as it would be strange. Park taking in a ride had crossed that line even if he was being friendly i hadnt wanted to set off the wrong perception even if it wasnt a big deal.My eyes diverted to Dylans as he clung onto my leg looking up at me with the same smile he managed to have painted on his face.

A car pulled up in the mist of the situation as i examined the car i noticed that it had held the same color and car brand as the one me and Tae had purchased. It had been Tae whp was displayed in the car and only confirmed so as the window had displayed Taes boxed smile but soon flatted as he laid eyes upon Mr. Park as his smile soon turned into an evident frown. It sparked slightly at the fact of Dylan rushing to the car struggling to open the door before he gave him a affectionate hug as he was seated behind the wheel.

"Well i suppose i should be going now but before i do."

I felt his hand go to mine placing an item in it before smiling at me and leaving me to go back to my car. As he left i looked down at my hand and examined that he had given me a kit-kat. It could have been seen as childish but i found it enduring making me quickly shake the feeling off as i directed my vision back to Tae who held a hardened glance my way and what had been directed in my palm. I clutched onto the piece of chocolate in my hand making my way to the front of the car and closing the door as i buckled my seat belt taking in the closing tension surrounding the car. Luckily Dylan had been oblivious to the whole ordeal leaving him in the back playing with whatever he could get his hands on.

I felt Taes cold and callused hands wrapped around my thigh giving it a firm squeeze making me roll my eyes at his behavior already feeling himself grow jealous over the situation. It had simply been a piece of candy however he hadnt known that making things worst. Whatever could have been going through his mind certainly hadnt revolved around chocolate.

"What was it?"

"What are you talking about?"

Tae squeezed my thigh slightly harder knowing that i had knew exactly what he was hinting at. I wanted the conversation to end already as he wasnt focused on the fact he had missed Dylans event and others following after that however this one was different. He had promised to go to this event and the smile displayed on his face had confirmed it from earlier but i had hoped to soon something i didnt like to waste often but with Tae it was a regular occurrence by now.

I unwrapped the chocolate from my hand as i place it on his thigh. I had been over the situation already moving onto the one that was more prominent but he didnt seem to take notice. All of his attention had been managed by the small candy displayed on his lap. I could see that he had been getting worked up over small things but he had a temper making this small candy make a big deal out of something that isnt. With this he threw the candy out of the window with a plain expression on his face while i gave him a bewildered look as did Dylan from the unnecessary scene.

"Daddy, why did you through the candy out the window?"

"Daddy doesnt like Kit-Kat's."

Taes eyes had been displayed on the road but glanced at me hinting at who i supposed was Mr. Park. His hand had circled around my thigh again trying to cool himself down as a strike of fear aimed in my heart. I hadnt liked when he got like this, he always had a temper even before he started fighting but it gradually lessened when he begun as he took out his anger even more. I secretly hoped he had been at the fighting place while i was with Dylan so he could have gotten his anger out but even if he did the anger would still mange to build itself back up.

The car ride tension had followed us all the way we had been placed inside the house. I managed to keep my voice down not knowing what could throw him off even more. Tae wasnt always very aggressive when he was angry infact he manages to control it by not actually talking it out and keeping it bottled up which i saw as unhealthy but whatever it took for him not to actually act out on that anger at home was good enough for me. We still held our arguments and disagreements but they never got out of hand and i nor he never aimed for it to. Jealously was a big part in his anger and the fact that the main jealous factor was his sons teacher had set a new form of anger in his veins and it pumped to the point of blood curling anger.

Dylan had tugged on my skirt as i bent down to hear his question. Tae had wondered into the kitchen leaving the two of us alone to our own small conversation.

"Mommy, mabye if i show daddy my picture he'll be happy?"

Dylan had saw that Tae was angry too and seeing the family picture would only increase this. I hadnt known how to shut this idea down as i would see the hope die from his eyes. He had already been through enough and seeing his fathers anger spark from his simple drawing would cause confusion and even more conflict than we needed. I hadnt wanted anything to grow bigger than it already was.

"Maybe in the morning baby, put it in your room and we can show him tomorrow?"

Dylan nodded his head with a small smile in hopes his father would accept what he had drawn. I had hoped so as well hoping it would open his eyes on what was going on in his mind and also what was partaking in what was going on with our family. As Dylan waddled off into his room i sought off into the kitchen where Tae had been seeing if he wanted to talk about the situation on his own rather than me. I hadnt wanted to fuel the anger even more than it already had even as i walked into the kitchen i felt the tension still laying in the atmosphere, feeling the need to squash it but wanted him to let it out on his own.

I felt his stare on me while i went to get some water from the fridge itching to say something but kept my peace. His eyes had been doing the semi talking as they examined me looking for the correct way he could conger up his words until i was on my way out of the kitchen when he found his voice.

"Whats going on with you and Park, huh?"

"Hes our sons teacher, nothing is going on."

"Well you've been getting extra close to him."

"Tae do you hear yourself, hes our sons teacher for fucking hell."

I had been getting heated rather quickly further than Tae and i couldnt control myself. I had been so bent up over what he was made about also piling on what i was made my blood begin to boil. Having two angry people was a whole new level of conflict upon a household and while i was partaking in this anger i hadnt cared about what was to occur as i let the dying question slip from my mind.

"Why didnt you show up?"

"What are you talking about."

"Kim Taehyung you and i both know damn well what im talking about."

I whispered those harsh words hoping that Dylan wouldn't hear them with his small ears. Tae howevr heard it loud and clear as his ears perked up as well as his anger.

"I was out."

"You were out? Taehyung my damn son had something special going on at school and you promised you would go and you fucking didnt. Think before you making priorities especially with my kid."

Taes eyes popped out of his skull displaying his now fully visible anger. I had slightly stepped back not noticing that the words being ushered past my lips had effected him in such a way. I knew my angered words could drive him to harsh things but i felt as if i had gone to far for his comfort zone.

"Your son? Your damn son? I raised him just as much as you raised him and im sorry that im trying to support and protect our family and i couldn't go to his class. I had a lot going on with my mind and maybe im still not use to this life style but im really fucking trying. I wasnt there throughout your pregnancy but i still care about that kid and it pains me that i couldnt see him because i was stuck in a dirty basement fighting my life away."

"So you forgot about him?"

"I could never forget about him hes my damn son just as much as he is yours. So damn what i forgot about his school event but atleast im apart of his life."

"But you promised."

"Okay you promised you would be their for him and sometimes you arent and i have to be the one who takes control of the situation dont you blame this situation on me, Im not like J-"

"Kim Taehyung you know damn well to not say his name."

I had known he was going to bring in my baby daddy from the single syllable he said. I felt myself grow even more irradiated if that was possible feeling the itching sensation to scream at him thinking that it would make things better but knowing in reality it wouldnt. I pushed all the conflicts and problems it caused and focused on my anger.

"And you know what the funny fucking thing is that your acting just like him!"

Taes eyes began to water. I couldnt tell if they were from anger or true sadness or possibly a mix of both but however it hadn't been a good sign. I had never seen Tae cry but the one time Dylan had begun to call him daddy. He was finally begin accepted not only into my life but my sons. Things had been simpler and less bumpy as we had just been starting out a forces on being a family rather than breaking it apart.

"Thats the lowest thing you could ever fucking say you damn well know it! Ive tried my best to be the best father i can be and your making it real fucking hard! I know im not the best parent but atleast im not gonna break you down because of it! You really need to watch what you say cause you dont know how it can effect someone."

The argument had been like one we had never had before. We had never screamed at each other for we had that mutually respect for one another but as of now it felt like that had flown out of our category. We had also forgot about the decently of Dylan possibly being scared and confused on what was going. However as we were in such an unhealthy state we continued on to bicker making things gradually grow unhealthy.

The tension had still been rising as we had been in a breathy state. The last comment had been along the words of harmful things leaving us both feel defeated. I had been fearful after the arguments we had as Tae managed to break a vase but was to caught up in the hostile environment to actual take notice of what had been going on besides me and Tae screaming at one another. Now as the house grew with heavy breathing and the tension still laid there i took notice of the environment and grew fearful of what he could do when he was angry. I hadnt wished i took notice of these things as i felt my head grow bigger of what else he could do sending a struck of fear into me as i noticed his hand was raised as i coward down and flinched as i thought he was going to hit me.

I looked back up to see Tae looking at me with bewildered eyes as if what i had did was out of line and he was confused. He slowly came over to me as i flinched yet again causing his eyes to go soft and he kept his distance.

"Ba-babe you know i wouldnt hit you right, i just went to put my hand on my head."

"I know its just, i dont know i just thought-"

I felt myself grow weak as i felt tears stream down from my cheeks as Tae came over to comfort me. We had both sunk to the floor as audible sobs came from my mouth. I had been over reacting about the situation but the emotions i had been feeling had all been jumbled up and i couldnt control myself as i let it out all on Taes shoulder. I had understood where Tae was coming from and i learned to accept it and i delt with it and i needed to understand it more. However i couldnt stop the tears from flowing as i was overwhelmed with all of the conundrum that was happening and it only added to the fire as i heard the crack of a door and a small crack of a voice.

"Mommy?"

His feet hit the floor in a rush hearing my cries as he began to beat on Taes back signalling for him to get off of me. Taes eyes began to water at the simple action even as he removed himself from my body he still took every blow from Dylan as he let out his own cries and pleads.

"You made my mommy cry!"

"No baby mommies fine, daddy didnt hurt mommy daddy isnt the bad guy."

Dylan removed his hands from Tae as he moved them to mine as he engulfed me in a warming hug. I looked up at Tae looking at him with saddened eyes as he attempted to wipe his tears away trying to make them un noticed however they were visible. Tae never wanted to be seen as a bad guy and with all of this chaos piling up. It had been tough for him and he hadnt known what was going on are what to do as what he was seeing made him only question things even more making it overall hard for someone as young as him.

Dylan began to tug on me to the bedroom as he assumed it was the most safest place to be as i looked at Tae yet again. He mumbled a small 'Its okay' making me smile slightly feeling grateful that even now after all of this we could still get along. I still wished we could have worked things out.

Dylan had been curled up into my side as my hands curled throughout his hair. I had my eyes closed trying not to overthink the situation.

"Mommy why is daddy so mean."

"Daddy isnt mean, daddy is our superhero remember and sometimes superheroes fall but you cant give up on daddy. Promise?"

"Prmoise."

"Good, i love you and you understand your father loves you too right."

"Of course, i love him too. Even if he becomes a villain ill always love him."

"But that will never happen."

"I know, but whatever he does Ill love him."

It warmed my heart that he still loved him no matter the occasion. His love for him truly had been a father son bond even if he hadnt biologically the father, he was more a father than his biological one had been. I had approached him and i couldnt tell him enough of that but i felt like we needed to work on ourselves to really understand what we gain from each other. In Dylans eyes we had both been superheros but if we hadnt gotten ourselves together for the better we would both become villains in his eyes.

Morning had dawned upon us as i woke Dylan up earlier than needed. I had token what i thought to myself last night seriously. I had conjured up the idea of taking a trip to my mothers house and hoping she would be able to take upon the offer of watching Dylan for a couple of days till we work out the environment space for Dylan. She had bee happily shocked as we both walked into her house unexpected but still opened with open hands as well as questions.

"Sweetheart even though its a good surprise as you being here, um why are you here?"

"Well i was wondering if you could watch Dyl for a couple of days, just so i can get the environment more suitable."

"Suitable? Why whats going on, is it because of Taehyung? Did he hit you?"

My mom had her suspicions about Tae but not always. She liked him at the start as he was taking care of Dylan like he was someone of his owns but as she understood what he was doing as a hobby she knew how dangerous it was especially being around a child. Mothers always had their concerns but i was trying to take it into my own hands hints what i was doing as of now.

"Oh no, we just had an argument and i want to try and get ourselves back together before we bring Dylan back into our space."

"I understand, are you sure you dont want to stay as well. Youre always welcomed."

"Yeah im sure mom i just need to figure things out and ill be back."

My mother nodded along directing her attention to her grandson looking up with confused eyes. He probably would wonder why i had been gone for some time but atleast he had his grandmother to take control over him. She had loved him since the first time she laid eyes on him and even acted as a father to him before Tae stepped into our lives. I was very grateful for her and still am.

I moved away from my mother crouching down to my sons size. I ran my hand throughout his hair before holding his hand smiling down at him as he smiled up at me. He had been the light of my life and i couldnt have this light turn dark as i knew that fixing myself and my relationship trying to understand it rightfully so would set things back on track.

"Grandma is going to watch you for sometime but mommy promises to be back."

"Okay, does that mean grandma can feed me whatever she wants?"

"Of course, as long as it isnt candy youll be perfectly fine."

He engulfed me with a final hug as i proceeded to get up before turning around and ushering on last thing.

"And remember what your dad told you."

"Fighting!"

"Fighting."

That giant smile on his face proved to be a sign of improvement and i sought out to keep on with this process even if it was lengthy. I wanted Dylan to not question on what was going to happen in the future with us and if we would be okay i wanted him to know for certain that we would all be okay as a big conjoined family.

I walked into the house closing the door behind me assuming Tae was asleep on the couch still but smelling the fresh breakfast food being cooked that theory had been shot out of the window. I made my way to the kitchen seeing Tae cooking food smiling slightly before placing the food on the table directing me to take a seat as i did ever so hesitantly.

"So wheres, Dylan?"

"Actually thats what i wanted to talk to you about."

His smile had gone serious once i brought up Dylan into the situation. He had dropped his fork and directed full attention to me making sure that i had known that as well.

"I dropped him off to my mothers house because i feel like after the altercation, not just you but also I need to understand whats going on with us."

"Of course I was definitely out of hand, i should not have throw that Kit-Kat out of the window thats one of the best candies."

"Tae, im serious."

Tae raised his hands up in defeat. I knew that it was in his nature to be playful but i hadnt wanted to put in the effort to be today. However i sucked it up and realized that being goofy was a trait Tae brought out in me and i needed that to be known more often now as we had been going through rough patches.

"You know Kit-Kats were my favorite too."

Tae perked up at my comment smiling as he picked up the fork and proceeded to eat however i could still tell something was on his mind. The way he picked at his food and moved it around displayed that something had been worrying him.

"But, I am sorry if i made you feel uncomfortable i never want to make you feel like that."

I felt my hand  travel to his laying on the table wanting to make it known that i had grown past that and was now fine. I wasnt perfectly fine on the concept on how things were but i was fine on how we were and the direction they were taking. I wanted to leave the uncomfortably in the past and focus on what was better to come.

"Im fine now, even better that you shaped the pancakes like little animals."

"Thank you, i thought it was a nice touch. Who says adults cant have fun."

I smiled at him taking in his happy glance at the pancakes and proceeded to play with them as he dunk them into the the syrup and ate them with delight. I always enjoyed Tae cooking as well did Dylan due to the fact that he would add an extra ounce of experience into the cooking. He infact one time threw flour onto use while making a meal resulting in a whole conundrum of experiences. I had wanted to build these experiences back up again and im sure he was willing taes well.

"I was thinking, since i wanted to understand us and well mostly you, can we go to your fighting rink so i could possibly see you fight. I want to understand you and your passion."

Tae had looked up at me shocked from what I had said. I had never shown much of an interest in this hobby as i saw nothing important in it but if i wanted to get to the bottom of this problem i needed to do some serious digging and i was willing to love the things he did. While Dylan was away i want to hopefully partake in the things we couldnt do if he was here hopefully allowing us to grow more of a healthy bond for the both of us.

"Seriously, um yeah. Wow this is great i tell them all about you and Dylan all the time i can wait for you to met the guys theyll love you. They may seem big and scary but their hearts are in the right place."

"I trust you."

My hand reached out for his again grasping onto it with all my might. I could see the small hope in his eyes growing, hoping that this small experience would bring us together again making things right like they once were. Just as i hoped they were. Life filled with less amounts of conflict and more moments filled with joyful noise however i knew it couldnt last like this forever.Due to Taes passion with this type of job i knew conflict was sure to inured but i needed to accept it rather than live with it and not face it, already knowing where that would lead to.

I felt Taes hand squeeze me slightly signalling that he wanted something as i gazed upon his features. He began to lean in slightly understanding what he wanted i began to lean in too as it was what i wanted as well. I felt his lips part against mine taking in my lips with his. It felt like we hadnt kissed in a while even though it was only yesterday with the amount of chaos going on it felt like it had been forever but the kiss just proved that things were sure to grow better. The kiss hand lingered for a few moments feeling with each puncher a new meaning of our relationship was unlocked bringing us back to when times were better.

"I missed you."

"I missed you too."

Tae had showed me to the fighting rink as i took it all in. All of the crummy details it held. It certainly was undercover making me slightly concerned but tried to just follow along with what he had planned for what was to occur. Things had been going smoothly and i wanted things to continue as so so i followed after him happily playing along to the details. I had still been genuinely happy that he had managed to bring me here and actually talk upon his 'co-workers' about me set the worry in my heart aside.

We had walked in hand in hand into the place with a smile on both of our faces and just as we walked in Tae had already been eager to introduce me to one of his friends. While we begun to walk over i examined the the brick wall with pealing wallpaper. There held shelves upon the naked walls shelf's filled with awards that were polished as they were the most prized possession forgetting about everything else placed in its way. There had also displayed a rink where i assumed where most of the fighting took place. From where i stood i could make out the small blood splatters around the rink as people hadnt bothered to clean it up. I couldnt help but wonder if Tae's had been mixed in there as well but diverted my eyes before i thought to much causing more problems.

"This is the girl ive been telling you about."

Tae had smiled brighter than before as he introduced myself as i shook the his hand, eye display still remaining around the place. He held a strong grip and as i glanced upon him i could see his different colored tattoos each telling a different story. I could tell they held a meaning as some of them had peoples names and some signs stating the phrase 'R.I.P' telling a story of loss. I had been memorized by his tattoos sending me into a state of curiosity as i keep  on looking at them.

"I see you like my tattoos."

"Yes, theyre very beautiful. I can tell them mean alot to you."

"Yeah, i like this girl already."

He proceeded to give Tae a handshake of approval as he brought me in for a hug after words. I could tell that he truly cared about Tae and his choices. I remembered Tae talking about him being his trainer along the car ride displaying that he had been there with him even before he joined this business. He helped mentor him into the man he became today, a brother he sees him almost so meeting him was surely a big deal on my part.

"My names Jay Park by the way. Its certainly nice to meet you Y/N. Tae goes on and on about you it often gets annoying but anything to see him smile, i guess."

I blushed and cooed at Tae as he tried to play it off secretly cursing to Jay Park making me find the moment even more better as i clung onto Tae. He held his arm around my shoulder deciding to make best of this moment of showing off our relationships it was beginning to be at its prime.

"Ah, you guys surely in love but you should have seen him when he was younger. Big ole ears along with these big glasses. I might still have pictures."

I additionally perked up at the thought of seeing Tae in such state making my way over to Jay Park as Tae had pleaded not to let this secret be spilled of his past. I had eagerly wanted to see what had come from these pictures and if they would bring up any embarrassing memories and judging from his facial expression it held more than memories but a highly mindset of a smaller version of himself that i was eager to see. Tae had prepared himself as he backed away and looked at our facial expressions rather than the actual pictures.

Once Jay tapped on a picture displaying Tae as a teenager i couldn't help but cause a small giggle to come from my lips as Jay let a whole cackle lose not afraid. I looked at Taes face as it held straight and bored by our expressions. I couldnt help myself as the picture was slightly funny seeing Tae in such a state i handt seen him before, however he still was the Tae i learned to love.

"You still look good to me babe."

"Thats my girl, sticking up for her man."

Taes hands circled around my waist bringing me in for a small kiss before joining back in a conversation with Jay as i held small conversation with them as well. Understanding that they had meet through mutual friends who they had recently stooped hanging out with but still stuck together showing how strong their bond together was. They truly were brothers as they could with stand anything. I had liked that i was understanding that Tae hadnt only come here just for fighting but also for his family and to check up on them. It was nice he had someone to check up on and have someone to check up on him.

"Tae your preforming soon, we need you back stage."

Tae turned to us mostly being me as he smiled softly ruffling my hair telling me he would see me letting along with saying he would be okay knowing how much i worried. I nodded softly already feeling the worry fill my veins however i wanted to trust him even if i felt the dread slowly consume me. I needed to put my trust into him as it would help us grow stronger and also help him win this up coming battle.

"Let me introduce you to the rest of our family."

I turned my attention to Jay, i could tell he had felt my anxious emotions as they were radiating off of me and he aimed to fix this. He wanted this place to be filled with good vibes and prosperity besides the blood curling on the floor he wanted this place to feel safe. I could tell by the simple fact that he refereed to us as a family and i was eager to meet Taes family. Any family of Taes was welcomed to be a family of mine.

The last hour and couple of minutes had been spent of me circling around the basement meeting different members understanding their stories and what all lead them here. They each shared laughs and cries and along the way i shared these emotional boundaries with them as i already felt an emotional connection with them. One person had took out to me the most his name being Min Yoongi and telling me his struggle with anxiety and depression and finding a passion in fighting to help calm it down as well most importantly the family he had meet up with. His story had been one of the many that caused small tears to fall from my face but as we grew closer and he told me how he grew close with Tae and the rest of the family my heart had lightened and we begun to laugh instead of cry.

"Yeah i actually have a daughter around your sons age too."

"Really whats here name?"

"Jisso, shes very beautiful little angel inspires me every day."

"Kids just seem to do that to you dont they."

Yoongi seemed to have a soft spot when he talked about his daughter but anything else he seemed to put a guard up and not really dive into the topic. He hadnt been embarrassed by his daughter and i respected that and his ability to follow his day to day struggle. He found a way to tam thing struggle but still manged with it. He was strong along with the rest of Taes family and i was lucky enough to call them my family.

I had cooed at the pictures Yoongi had taken of him and his daughter making me think of my own son and wondering what he had been doing at this moment. I heard the shutting of the door making me come from my thought as someone asked me to follow to as i diverted my eyes to Yoongis apologizing for cutting the conversation short to which he waved off. I followed the person who i hadnt known or meet. She held long black hair and showed me to what i assumed was Taes dressing room. She had displayed me in the room leaving with out a word as i went to Tae who was seated on his bench with panic in his eyes.

I sat across from him on the bench picking up his face in my hands. I looked at him in his eyes trying to see what was wrong as throughout this whole day. Something must have been bothering him deep inside to affect him this much and i held a few ideas but nothing lived up to what actually was occurring.

"Whats wrong, you werent like this earlier today."

"I honestly dont know, maybe its the fact that Dylan isnt here and i just feel as if he thinks of me in a bad light now. I do this for him and it would break my heart if he thinks of me as the bad guy."

My heart had tightened at the fact that he had thought this in his mind. I wish he had known that what he was assuming hadnt been right. Even if he was bad Dylan would still find a way to love every aspect of him, that was how much Dylan had fully loved him. He could never turn his back on anyone let alone Tae. Tae had been his father figure and had saw everything he wanted to be through Tae. It was one of the many reasons i had fallen in love with him. The strong connection he held with my son had brought me to tears.

"I know that im not his biological father but i see him as my son and i dont want him to think bad of me."

"He doesnt and he will never think of you in such away."

"How do you know."

He was partially right. How would i know but i did have a way to find out. Taes eyes looked down while i searched through my pocket to retrieve my phone. I dialed my moms phone number before reaching the number and simply asking for Dylan to be on the phone. Before i could even hear his voice i placed the phone against Taes ear as he looked at me confused before he heard the enthusiastically 'Hi' from the other line. His boxy smile formed as small drops of tears fell from his eyes as he counted on a conversation. I had tuned it out wanting to have their own moment tuning the noise down and read through facial expressions. Tae still held that stupid smile on his face sometimes changing expressions where Dylan told hims something interesting he did or learned. He truly was a great father and he didnt need to see it himself to actually believe it but other people around him including my son. Dylan well knew that Tae was the best father he could ask for and he was well proud of him and his journey. The conversation gradually came to an end but Tae still held that big smile on his face.

"Fighting."

"Fighting."

With that the call had been ended and he handed me back the phone. I looked over his features as he know had a blank expression on his face showing no emotion not sure how to deal with this new one. He had been happy that he had gotten to speak to his son but also had been struggling with his own issues and if he hadnt fixed himself then he would be able to share this connection with him. In order to get pumped for a fight he needed to understand these actions that he caused and he needed to act out on them in the rink.

"I want you to focus on the fact that you have to talk to your child through a phone and not through face to face. You let your own problems get in the way of seeing your kid and you let it effect him in a small amount he doesnt even know but possibly when he grown up hes going to know. You dont want to be one of those fathers who miss everything their kids does and you know people are expecting this from you so prove them wrong, prove me wrong. I want you to go out there tonight and dedicate every punch to the people who proved you wrong. I want you to dedicate every punch to Dylan, me and your whole family. You have to fight for everyone including the people who doubted you. Can you do that?"

I looked at him as he still sat on the bench huffing with his shoulders slugged over. He seemed rather heated and focused on every word i said taking it within noticing every detail and how it effected him on a great level and he decided to go with it and make it right with every punch he could conger.

"Im ready."

The bell had rung as Tae stood in his corner as i meet with him with eager eyes. I knew he would meet beyond the expectations however things had only grown more surreal seeing his figure doused in confidence and bare knuckles preparing for the inevitable. He stood pacing around in the ring as i stood on the side lines along the comfort of Jay Park. He had known that my reactions certainly would be mixed about the situation but still knowing that i had wanted to see what was going to take place. With my emotions all mixed he hadnt known what actions i was going to partake in as he stayed in a comforting distance making sure nothing wrong were to happen.

I felt myself shaking in my bones as they had begun throwing the first punch. I had flinched slightly back seeing as Taes knuckles clashed in with his cheek even from the distance I stood i could hear the faint sound of cracking down. I hadnt found the sound so enduring but i knew for Tae it did, driving him to his next move.

Tae had managed to let out a couple of punches one after the other striking his opponent with all of his might. He had been hitting each punch with aggression and speed with enough willpower to not get hit in that amount of time however the streak had came to a painful end as the opponents fist had locked against his jaw. I felt myself perk up and look at bewildered eyes seeing the pain he had inflicted on my man. The fear had drawn from my blood being replaced with anger finally understand the Adrenalin Tae had gained from this.

"Hey listen hes okay trust me. The kids been doing this for quit a while now. Just try and keep your cool."

Jay had pulled me close trying to whisper the audible words to me. I had nodded off to what he said still gazing upon the match ahead of me. They had each been receiving plenty of blows to the abdomen making sure to dismiss the head but occasional scathing a piece of skin displaying the facial features. The crumbling bones of Tae had sent a shaking sensation in my soul telling me to scream out the anger but i listened to Jays sounding words trying to follow with them as they were words that I could follow through.

I grabbed onto the rope as my knuckles began to whiten from the anger coursing through my veins remained unman aged. I wanted to drag my attention to something else rather than that main reason i had been hyped up. The heavy breathes the chanting crowd and the loud impact upon each others bodies they had endured surely had been a reason why i couldn't tear eyes away. I tried to make things manageable but the more i stood back the more i saw Tae get more injured. He had still managed to throw punches but i had managed to focus more on the blows his opponent was taking on him as it had effected Tae the most as well as me. Every punch sent to his abdomen upper half and his whole being had sent the shock of fear into my body. I looked at Jay taking in his words before looking back at the scene before coming to face a substance fall from Taes lips. This substance had been the color of the deepest red tasting of metallic as it escaped his mouth it pondered against the rinks mat. It had mix with the dried blood previously laying on the floor causing an unthinkable amount of anger to flow throughout me, leaving Jays words out of the window.

"What the fuck you just made him bleed! What the fuck is this!"

"Its underground fighting, please control her Jay!"

The referee had stepped in trying to silence my screams all while Tae had slight glanced over before punching his in his torso causing him to fall down but to his luck bouncing back up. The referee had guided back to the fight at hand as Jay had pulled me further into his comfort. He had known i wasnt a little girl and had knew how to take control of myself however he knew as of now i couldnt take care of my actions. I held onto the rope steadily watching every blow already hating the impact but oddly finding an enchanting feeling from it.

The fight had been going on for a lengthy time each throwing in each effort into their punch. The fight had conjured up a good fight surely each spurting out a good amount of work. Now as they stood with each other and the referee announced the winner. It hadnt come as a shock to me that Tae had won as he sported a small smile showing his gratitude as the audience had clapped for him. He faced his opponent shaking his hand along with a brotherly hug as if the whole ordeal was put behind them. I couldnt contain myself feeling as the happiness had spread to me as well as i proceeded to climb over the rope besides Jays protest and went to hug Taes side. I made sure to do it rather carefully not wanting to harm himself however he had pushed that idea to the side as he hugged me tightly ignoring his winces feeling the warm embrace as he hugged me ignoring the happy cheers from the crowd and focusing on us.

"You guys surely have a connection, dont let that die. You put up a good fight even better with your girl here."

Taes opponent had patted him on the back in apprentice as he put his arm around me displaying a huge smile. I sported the same finally understanding what he had lived for making my heart swirl.I wanted to be by his side fully to support what he had loved because seeing this smile on his face surly had made things worth while.

I had been cleaning up the scratches displayed on Taes face as i had been on his lap while we were displayed in bed. The first aid kit had been displayed besides me as i manages to fix the small minor scratches on his face. I noticed that the small cut that i had stitched up last time had managed to damage itself to the point of busting back open. I began dabbing it with the cloth causing him to flinch slightly. He clutched onto my wrist not liking the pain causing me to laugh slightly due to the fight he had previously fought and he was beginning to flinch only now. I grabbed ahold of the needle holding his chin feeling anxious to put the needle through hi lip before he flinched and grabbed tightly onto my wrist causing me to stop.

"Wait, i cant do it im to scared."

"Come on you just got finished with a fight how can you be scared of a little needle."

"Can you just kiss it better?"

He looked at me with a pouted lip and puppy eyes that i usually melted over. I gave in as i parted my lips and met mine with his. I tasted the metallic of his blood. Focusing on his tongue being traced over his bottom lip in attempt to make him feel better as well as myself. I felt him grab the needle from my hand placing it on the bed side table before moving his hands to my ass. As we kept on with the warming kiss i felt his hands move apart my underwear signaling for something more than just intimate kissing.

"Tae, you know we cant youre hurt."

"Then well just have to be gentle."

His face had been serious wanting to feel my gentle touch. I had been hesitant at first but proceeded as i begun to take off my shirt feeling his eager palms take my naked breast in hands. I carefully slide my underwear to the side as well as helping him slide out from his shorts. He had winched slightly as i stopped myself before him hurrying to proceed my actions. I felt myself lower on him looking at him with a bliss filled expression as he met with the same expression. He held onto my hips guiding me making sure i hadnt been as rough.

His lips had gone to my neck marking me with his love bites causing moans to fall from my lips. I felt my breathe go heavy as well as his following with the soft skin slapping against one another. We hadnt had the time to properly have sex since we had another body to take care of and having time to ourselves surely had been comforting. We couldnt have gone to comfortable to it as we knew we had to come to terms with reality. We wanted to enjoy the euphoria as we kissed each other in a breathy moan feeling ourselves come undone as our foreheads were rested against another.

"Do you accept me and what I do?"

The question had surely been questionably after what we had done however i understood. After the emotional connection we had just shared he had wanted another answer after what had occurred. He needed to understand how i felt about this whole ordeal and if i hadnt he possibly could keep on with this. I knew I had fallen in love with the surrounding people who worked along with him and i certainly needed to accept what he loved.

"Of course baby."

I was proud of him and what he had become in such a little amount of time. I knew that being himself had been hard and I needed to remember that instead of putting to much expectations for him. We certainly werent a normal family as we had extra qualities added to us. I hadnt accepted what we had as extra baggies completely hinting at Taes job. I had loved his environment but not what he gained from it, that being scars and brutal bones.

"Please just promise me, when things get tough you leave that place. I cant see you end up dead."

I knew i was probably being dramatic when i let the word dead fall from my lips and knowing that this most likely couldnt happen. I still needed to voice what i felt as i feared for what could commence from what he loved.

"Of course baby."

He smiled at my softly bringing me in for a hug as his head rested against my head. I felt his heart beat against my ear banging like a drum. I knew he had added false truth to it as he knew even he couldnt give up when simple times had gotten difficult. It was a wondrous trait to have however at times like this it couldnt. What could happen if he couldnt come back from what he himself had caused on himself or maybe someone else he had loved. I knew that it couldnt end happily but as for now things seemed as if they were on the path to this. I wanted to just focus on this but i knew as time came along it couldnt possibly be this way. I had hopped Tae would play his cards right and stick by his family as they would have his back however sometimes not everyone can protect him.

Not even himself

[thesportssoundoff]

“So how early is too early, how soon is too soon and why am I up at 4:30 AM watching China’s best fight in the UFC?” A preview of the UFC Fight Night live from Shanghai

Joey

November 19th

WHEW Boy! First and foremost, for those of y'all in the states I hope you have a kick ass Thanksgiving. Eat plenty, drink plenty if that's your thing, shop plenty on a Friday and then for those of you who are MMAddicted, you got yourself a show on Saturday morning! The UFC has tried and tried and tried and FINALLY they broke through into Shanghai! The Chinese market has been opened up and the dam has busted. Fight fans who are so interested in MMA will be greeted to QUITE the show on Thursday morning. This was set up to be Anderson Silva vs Kelvin Gastelum but drug tests ruin the best of things. To their credit, the UFC found Michael Bisping for the role and now things are humming towards a Chinese showdown. The rest of the main card pits the best of China vs two solid mid level UFC talents plus the debut of one of MMA's more exciting talents. The prelims have one FANTASTIC fight and the debut of 8 different fighters; 1 from Brazil, 1 from India and 6 from China.  Plenty of reason to get excited am I right? Guys? Guuuuuuys?

Fights: 12 (11 if they can't find a dude for Cyril Asker)

Debuts: 10 (Sheymon Moraes, Bharat Khandare, Yanan Wu, Wuliji Buren, Yan Xiaonan, Wang Guan, Muslim Salikov, Kenan Song, Yadong Song, Yan Xiaonan )

Fight Changes/Injury Cancellations:  3 (Anderson Silva OUT, Michael BIsping IN vs Kelvin Gastelum/Liu Pingyuan OUT, Yadong Song IN vs Bharat Kandare, James Mulheron OUT, TBD vs Cyril Asker)

Headliners (fighters who have either main evented or co-main evented shows in the UFC):  3 (Michael Bisping, Alex Caceres, Kelvin Gastelum)

Fighters On Losing Streaks in the UFC:  4 (Rolando Dy, Cyril Asker, Bobby Nash, Kailin Curran)

Fighters On Winning Streaks in the UFC:  2 (Chase Sherman, Li Jingliang)

Stat Monitor for 2017:

Debuting Fighters (Current number: 38-30)- Sheymon Moraes, Bharat Khandare, Yanan Wu, Wuliji Buren, Yan Xiaonan, Wang Guan, Muslim Salikov, Kenan Song, Yadong Song, Yan Xiaonan

Short Notice Fighters (Current number: 22-33-1)- Michael Bisping, Yadong Song

Second Fight (Current number: 25-37)- Gina Mizani, Zabit Magomedsharipov

Cage Corrosion (18-13-1)- 0

Twelve Precious Ponderings

1- I suppose we can begin with trying to piece together this Scooby Doo-esque mystery on Michael Bisping taking the fight. Anderson Silva falls out via drug test gone bad (or good depending on your view of it) and Kelvin Gastelum needs a fight for the main event. Given how vital this show is to THAT market, this is a big deal. Limited options + short notice + Visa + tough as shit opponent = trouble. Under any other circumstance this capsizes a show. The UFC's chasing an opponent for Brunson and Bisping isn't available because he's injured---right? Well according to Bisping, he reached out to the UFC and told them he was fine and ready to fight on short notice vs Gastelum. A week after fighting GSP for the title. Now there are many serious questions we all need to parse through. 1) Should Bisping be fighting? 2) What about his medical suspension? 3) What does he have to gain from this? 4) Is this too soon? Whatever the case may or may not be, you gotta at least give the parties involved some credit for somehow pulling this shit off. For my money, Bisping vs Gastelum is a far greater fight than Anderson/Gastelum.

2- On a scale of 1- Of Course, what are the odds Gastelum somehow finds a way to miss weight?

3- A lot of credit needs to go to Bisping for taking this fight. He probably made more money  than he ever has vs GSP and when most dudes would be fat and happy and ready to just take time off, he's back in there less than a month later. Not everybody loves Michael Bisping but the # of Bisping types is declining rapidly so enjoy the one we have while we got 'em.

4- At this point all I ask of Gastelum is that he doesn't beat Bisping up so badly that Michael can't retire in March in London.

5- Perhaps not enough credit is to be given to Kelvin Gastelum for basically saving his career. Gastelum completely lost track of his career at 170 lbs after missing weight and then the UFC basically told him to move up or move out. Since moving up to 185 lbs, he's 2-1 (1-1-1 in actuality but I dont think he needed WEED to beat up Vitor Belfort)  with wins over Belfort and Tim Kennedy. His sole loss was to Chris Weidman in a fight where he gave Weidman problems, dropping him before losing due to the size difference. Gastelum is in that Jake Shields category of really needing that 175 lb weight class where he can prosper. His hands have come a long, long way since TUF and he's still a killer wrestler. His grappling in my estimation has been his weak spot as he tends to get too lax on the ground (his inability to handle Magny's grappling probably cost him the fight and Weidman outworked him and submitted him). Very excited to see how he handles Bisping because Gastelum's youth, team and skill set gives him a chance to be a real find in the coming years.

6- "The Leech" Li Jingliang has had a very odd track in the UFC. He hasn't really improved but he's so strong and stubborn as a fighter that it works for him. The Leech  is never in a boring fight outside of one time where Nadine Taleb turned him into a fifteen minute grappler type. The leech just looks like a miserable sort of dude to fight; a hard headed hard hitting stubborn as shit dude who can wrestle you and ground and pound plus he's one of those guys who gets better as the fight goes on. Zack Ottow is a weird fight for him; a dude who could be undefeated in the UFC or 0-3 in the UFC depending on how you look at it. Ottow is the epitome of the "mid level veteran" who will test you but probably not beat you.

7- Wang Guan's UFC debut is surely going to be "a happening" as one would put it. Guan feels like a fighter who has been tied indirectly to the UFC for quite some time and now hes here and he draws a tough first out in Alex Caceres. Caceres speaks to how highly the UFC thinks of Guan or how lowly they think of Caceres because he's the weird mix of unorthodox, flashy and blessed with endless cardio. They might regret this booking.

8- A lot of folks are excited about the debut of Muslim Salikhov and again this is another one of those deals where youre either REALLY confident in a guy or really, really low on the person he's facing. Alex Garcia is a big rocked up 170er who has proven to be pretty durable in his fights. Not an easy fight for a dude in his debut.

9- I'm SURE they'll be a lot of people who will whine about the fact that just about everybody on the undercard is debuting.. To that, I'll offer a few simplistic retorts. 1) The prelims will start at 3 FUCKING 45 AM on a Saturday. There has NEEEEEEVER been an undercard you could avoid as easily as this one. Just SLEEP through it. 2) Consider this like an Asian TUF where the TUF guys are fighting for their jobs. Most of this undercard is debuting Asian talent trying to find a home in the UFC---chances are half of these fighters if not more will be gone before 2018 ends. Treat them as one offs. 3)   There's actually some really solid matchmaking here on the prelims. 4) Consider this,

10- Bobby Nash is a tough guy to get a handle on. He had Li Jingliang all kinds of hurt and gave Danny "Hot Chocolate" Roberts all kinds of problems as well. The problem is that if you have little head movement and a shaky chin, more often than not somebody will find it. Nash has two fights and has that "he was winning until he lost" thing going on. He takes on Kenan Song on the prelims.

11- I have not had the chance to talk up how fucking great this Sheymon Moraes-Zhabit Magomedsharipov fight but hot DAMN is it a good 'un. This should be fifteen minutes of pure standup and if it hits the ground then both guys are more than capable there as well. Magomedsharipov has big time star potential in my estimation.

12- Bharat Kandare is the UFC's first Indian born fighter (Arjen Bhullar is a Canadian of Indian heritage) but apparently this could've been a done deal a lot sooner. Per Bharat, the UFC wanted to sign him back in 2014 but SFL blocked it. Either way, I'm just glad we're getting more fighters of different nationalities in the Octagon. It's good for all of the sport!

Must Wins

1- Kelvin Gastelum

Michael Bisping's legacy is secure. Everything Bisping related is locked and set in stone. He will retire with the UFC's best strength of competition in my eyes. We're talking Silva, Belfort, GSP, Hendo twice, Luke Rockhold twice, Thales Leites, Rashad Evans, "Mayhem" Miller, Wanderlei, Chael Soonen and Cung Le all inside the Octagon. He won the title, defended it and then made a PPV payout in his loss to GSP. The guy is secure and approaching one final retirement fight. Kelvin Gastelum is going from a going ticket to an even more golden ticket in Bisping and right now Kelvin Gastelum is in his prime and only getting better. A win over Bisping and he'll have the Bisping win that has eluded other MWs. Remember that the folks who beat Bisping eventually go on to fight for the title so he is very much the golden door for the MW division.

2- Wang Guan

IF Li Jingliang is going to be THE guy in China, he would've been it by now. Wang Guan is being tasked with that role. He's been given a main card spot on the first ever show in China against a reputable opponent in Alex Caceres. At 31, Guan is not blessed with youth on his side so the sooner he can try to make a run, the better of he'll be.

3- Chase Sherman

Chase Sherman's UFC run thus far is a very complicated one. His losses are to reputable competition in Justin Ledet and Walt "The Big Ticket" Harris while his wins are to guys who are no longer in the UFC (Coultier is probably on his way out and Grabowski was sent packing). Sherman has some tools like above average athleticism and great conditioning that should make him a HW of note over time. He's also under 30 so he's rocking the trifecta.

Five Fights You Can't Miss

1-  Michael Bisping vs Kelvin Gastelum

2- Zhabit Magomedsharipov vs Sheymon Moraes

3- Li Jingliang vs Zack Ottow

4- Alex Caceres vs Wang Guan

5- Bharat Khandare vs Yadong Song

[gothoutlaw666]

hey tumblr i’m back but to be soft rlly quick.

so flashback to like. april right. my best friend is telling me abt this dude he works with and i don’t think anything of it for a while just Oh this guy he’s telling me abt seems cool and nerdy and blah i wanna meet him. and then he keeps trying to convince me to come work at his work too bc it’d be great to have ur bff work with you and they’re loosing ppl anyway bc better jobs or college soon and what not.

flash forward to may ive come back from colorado on a trip i went on with my choir and avengers endgame just came out like a week ago and i can finally go see it ! yay ! so i walk in. and there’s a small line not bad (especially since i know how bad it can get bc spoiler alert i work there now!) and i’m with my little brother and my little sister and immediately i see this dude at the counter look at me and i don’t know him so i’m like “he’s looking at me bc of how i’m dressed bc hes probably an asshole” in my head and so i’m more anxious bc of that now. i ask the kiddos what they want and have it prepared in my head bc I’m Anxious already and this dude has already made it worse.

we get up to the counter and i go into small talk mode and say, “if i worked here i’d help you guys out” bc the two girls (i know them) working behind him are Rushing hard and i’d been thinking abt getting an application anyway. so he Beams at me like He’s Smiling this Beautiful ass smile his grey eyes Shine like goddamn Moonlight and says “i’ll get you an application after the movie” and i’m like alright and like. now i’m still anxious but in a different way bc Man! Am I Gay For This Dude but hes most likely straight. and i had a girlfriend at the time anyway. so we get our stuff and go into the movie. i’m crying by the time it’s over bc it’s avengers endgame and i’m a pisces and so i walk out, tear streaked red face and he smiles at me again and we start talking abt the movie a bit. this man is like. Hella Gorgeous too. so my gay ass is very anxious once again. he hands me the application and i thank him and such and i go to walk out and he’s just kinda looking at me in awe . i whole ass almost turned around and told him “take a picture, it’ll last longer” but i didn’t .

flash forward Again to about october-early november. he quit to get a better paying job and i’d been working there since late july or so. he started hanging out there even after he quit so i got to know him better and we became friends. he’s very sweet and very great to talk to. and as the useless gay i am (i don’t have a girlfriend at this point) i start developing a crush on him bc Again; i am useless and gay. however, something happens.

him and i start getting More close and we start cuddling on my breaks when he’s around and he comes around more and we talk about like. affection in friendship and he calls me drunk one night and is dropping vague hints that i’m literally too much of an idiot to catch and my crush Grows and i don’t know what to do because it almost feels like he likes me Back but he’s literally the epitome of Southern Country White Straight Boy and i don’t know what to do. so i ask him about it and Plot Twist: He Likes Me. In A Romantic Way. (the fact that he’s not straight kinda shocked me ngl)

so we talk about it and a few days later he picks me up from work and kisses me in his car. and asks me to be his boyfriend. it’s like. lowkey wild to me just because i’m not used to boys really being interested in me as much as girls are. and also boys like him (southern athletic smart played football in high school has a science degree etc) don’t look at boys like me (goth weird slightly athletic music major) and go “yeah they hot” . it just dont happen. idk. maybe i need to love myself more.

Anyway moral of the story is i have a very loving healthy relationship with a really great guy and in the months i haven’t been on tumblr i became somewhat happy and it’s an accomplishment for me . and josh if u ever read this i love u bb

[wacco-archive]

Full Transcription: Lana and Courtney Dazed Interview

LDR: So, we could talk just talk about whatever...like those burning palm trees that you had in the 'Malibu' video. I didn't think they were real!

CL: Back when rock'n'roll has a budget, you mean? oh my God, Lana, setting palm trees on fire was so fun. You thought they were CGI?

LDR: Yeah.

CL: God you're so young. I burned down palm trees. In my day darling you used to have to walk to school in the snow. So since I toured with you I kind of got obsessed and went down this Lana rabbit hole and became - not like I'm wearing a flower crown, Lana don't get me wrong - but I absolutely love it. I love it as much as I love PJ Harvey.

LDR: That's amazing because maybe it's slightly well documented but I love everything you do, everything you have done - I couldn't believe that you came on tour with me.

CL: I read that you spend a lot of time mastering and mixing - is this true on the new record? LDR: Oh my god yeah, it's killing me. It's because I spend so much time with the engineers working on the reverb. I actually don't love a glossy production. If I want a bit of that retro feel, like that spring reverb or that Elvis slap, sometimes if you send it to an outside mixer they might try and dry things up a bit and push them really hard on top of the mix so it sounds really pop. And Born to Die did have a slickness to it but in general I have an aversion to things that sound glossy all over - you have to pick and choose. And some people say 'it's not radio ready if it isn't super shiny from top to bottom'. But you know this. Whoever mixed your stuff is a genius. Who did it? CL: Chris Lord-Alge and Tom Lord-Alge. Kurt was really big on mastering. He sat in every mastering session like a fiend. I never was big on mastering because it's such a pain in the butt.

LDR: It is a pain in the ass.

CL: I think my very very favourite song of yours - you're not gonna like this because it's early - is 'Blue Jeans'. I mean 'You're so fresh to death and sick as ca-cancer?' Who does that? LDR: I have to say that track has this guy (Del Rey Collaborater) Emile Haynie all over it. I remember 'Blue Jeans' was more of a Chris Isaak ballad and then I went in with him and it came out sounding the way it does now. I was like 'that's the power of production.' The song was in the radio in the UK on Radio 1 and I remember thinking 'F*ck, that started off as a classical composition riff that I got from my composer friend Dan Heath.' It was like six chords that I started singing on.

CL: You have that lyric 'You were sorta punk rock, I grew up on hip-hop.' DId you really grow up on hip-hop?

LDR: I didn't find any good music until I was right out of high school, coming from the north country, we got country, we got NPR and we got MTV. So Eminem was my version of hip-hop until I was 18. Then mayb I found A Tribe Called Quest.

CL: Have you met Marshall Mathers? LDR: No. Sometimes he namechecks me in his songs. I called the head of my label (Interscope CEO) John Janick and I was like 'OK in this last song (Big Sean's "No Favors") when Eminem says 'I'm about to run over a chick, Del Rey CD in". Did he mean he wanted to run me over or was he listening to me while he ran someone over?'. And John was like, 'No, no he was listening to you while he ran someone over' and I was 'Ok, cool.'

CL: You got namechecked by Eminem? oh my god that is a jewel in the crown.

LDR: Just a little ruby.

CL: Yeah, it's not really a diamond, but it's a ruby.

LDR: Not like touring with Courtney Love. That's like an Elizabeth Taylor diamond.

CL: You know, I met Elizabeth Taylor. I was with Carrie FIsher at Taylor's easter party and she was taking six hours to come downstairs.

LDR: I love it.

CL: I looked at Carrie and said 'This is not worth it,' and Carrie said, 'Oh yes it is.'  So we snuck upstairs and, Lana, when you go past the Warhol of Elizabeth Taylor as you're sneaking up the stairs and it says '001' you start getting goosebumps. And then you see her room and it's all lavender like her eyes. And she's in the bathroom getting her hair done by this guy named Jose Eber who wears a cowboy hat and has long hair and I'm like 'What am I doing here? I'm not Hollywood royalty. And the first words out of her mouth are like, 'F*ck you, Carrie, how ya doin'?' She was so salty but such a goddess at the same time.

LDR: She was so salty. The fact that she married Richard Burton twice - and all the stories you heart about those famous, crazy, public brawls - she was just up for it. Up for the trouble.

CL: So back to you. What I hear in your music is that you've created a world, you've created a persona, and you've created this kind of enigma that I never created but if I could so back I would create.

LDR: Are you even being serious right now? I don't even know if your legacy could get any bigger. You're one of the only people I know whose legacy precedes them. Just the name Courtney Love is...You're big honey. You're Hollywood (laughs).

CL: You know what darling? I started real early. I started stalking Andy Warhol before I could even think about it. And you kind of did the same, from my understanding. That 'I want to make it' thing. And there's nothing wrong with that.

LDR: No. there's not. There's nothing wrong with it when you do it for the right reasons. If music is really in your blood and you don't want to do anything else and you dont really care about the money until later. It's also about the vibe, not tobe cliched. And the people. I think we had that in common. It was about wanting to go to shows, wanting to have your own show - living, breathing, eating, all of it.

CL: Can I ask you about your time in New York? Was that a soul searching time? LDR: Oh I don't even know if I should have said to anyone that I was living in a trailer in New Jersey but stupidly, I did this interview from the trailer, in 2008.

CL: I saw it! LDR: It's cringey, it's cringey (laughs).

CL: You look so cute though.

LDR: I thought I was a rockabilly. I was platinum. I thought I had made it in my own way.

CL: I understand completely.

LDR: The one thing I wish I'd done was go to LA instead of New York. I had been playing around for maybe 4 years, just open mics, and I got a contract with this indie label called 5 Points Records in 2007. They gave me 10,000 dollars & I found this trailer in New Jersey, across the Hudson-Begren Light Rail. So I moved there, I finished school and I made that record (LDR AKA Lizzy Grant) which was shelved for 2 and a half years and then came out for like 3 months. But I was proud of myself. I felt like I had arrived, in my own way. I had my own thought and it was kind of kitschy and I knew it was going to sort of influence what I was doing next. It was definitely a phase (laughs).

CL: But you have records about being a Brooklyn Baby. You can write about New York adeptly and I cannot. I tried to write a song about a tragic girl in New York going down Bleecker Street - this girl couldn't afford Bleecker Street so the song made no sense, right? (laughs) I did my time there, but it chased me away. I couldn't do it because I wouldn't go solo, I had to have a band.

LDR: I wanted a band so badly. I feel I wouldn't have had some of the stage fright I had when I started playing bigger shows if I had a real group and we were in it together. I really wanted that camaraderie. I actually didn't even find that until a couple of years ago, I would say. I've been with my band for 6 years and they're great, but I wished I had people - I fantasised about Laurel Canyon.

CL: I wanted the camraderie. The alternative bands in my neighborhood were the Red Hot Chilli Peppers and Jane's Addiction. I knew Perry (Farrel, Janes Addiction) and I went to high school for like, ten seconds with two Peppers and a guy named Romeo Blue who became Lenny Kravitz. I remember being an extra in a Ramones video and he stopped by, when he was dating Lisa Bonet from The Cosby Show and it was a big deal.

LDR: See? You didn't really see that in New York.  When I got there, The Strokes had had a moment, but that was kind of it. LA had always been the epicentre of music, I feel.

CL: LA is easier. People have garages. And then as you go up the coast, in Washington and Oregon people have bigger houses and bigger garages and people have parents. I didn't have parents. and well, you had parents, but you were on your own.

LDR: Yeah. You know that song of yours (Awful) that says, '(Just shut up) you're only 16'? I think there are different types of people. There are people who head 'What do you know, you're just a kid?' and then there are people who got a lot of support (from the line) like 'Go for it, go for your dreams.' (laughs) And I think, when you don't have that, you get kind of stuck at a certain age. Randomly, in the last few years, I feel like I've grown up. Maybe I've just had time to think about everything. I've gotten to move on and think about how it feels now, singing songs I wrote ten years ago. It does feel different. I was almost reliving those feelings on stage until recently. It's weird listening back to my stuff. Today I was watching some of your old videos and the footage of you playing a big festival. The crowd was just girls - just young girls, for rows and rows. I was reminded of how vast that influence was on teenagers. And - going back to enigma and fame and legacy - you know, those girls who have grown up and girls who are 16 now, they relate to you in the exact same way as they did right when you started. And that's the power of your craft. You're one of my favourite writers.

CL: You're one of mine, so, checkmate (laughs).

LDR: What you did was the epitome of cool. And there's lots of different music going on but adolescents still know when something comes authentically from somebody's heart. It might not be the song that sells the most, but when people hear it, they know it. Are you a John Lennon fan? CL: When I hear 'Working Class Hero' it's a song I wish to God I could write. I wouldn't ever cover it. I mean, Marianne Faithfull covered it beautifully, but I would never cover it because I think Marianne did a great job and that's all that needs to be said.

LDR: I felt that way when I covered Chelsea Hotel No2, the Leonard Cohen song, but when I was doing more acoustic shows, I couldn't not do it.

CL: I don't have your range. I've tried to sing along to Brooklyn Baby and Dark Paradise, and this new one, Love. You go high, baby.

LDR: I've got some good low ones for you. You know what would be good, is that song, Ride. I don't sing it in its right octave during the shows because it's two low for me. But I've been thinking about doing something with you for a little while now. Then after we did the Endless Summer tour, we were thinking we should at least write, or we should just do whatever and maybe you could come to the studio and just see what came out.

CL: When we were on tour, our pre-show chats were very productive for me.

LDR: Me too. That was a real moment of counting my blessings. I just wanted to stay in every single moment and remember all of it, because it was so amazing.

CL: Likewise. It was really fun coming into your room. My favourite part of the tour was in Portland, getting you vinyl that I felt you needed. (laughs)

LDR: When you left the room, I was just running my hand all over the vinyl like little gems, like 'I can't believe that I have these (records) that Courtney Love gave to me, it's so f*cking amazing.' And we were in Portland too. It felt surreal.

CL: Yeah, I don't like going there much but I went there with you. We have this in common, too: we both ran away to Britain. If I could live anywhere in the world, I'd live in London.

LDR: If I could live anywhere in the world other than LA, I'd live in London. In the back of my mind, I always feel like I could maybe end up there.

CL: I know I'm going to end up there. I know what neighborhood I'm going to end up in, and I know that I want to be on the Thames. I subscribe to this magazine called 'Country Life' which is just real estate porn and fox hunting. It's amazing. OK so, if you weren't doing you, what would you do?

LDR: Do you have a really clear answer for this, yourself? CL: Yeah, I would work with teenage girls. Girls that are in halfway houses.

LDR: That's got you all over it. I'm selfish. I would do something that would put me by the beach. I would be like, a bad lifeguard (laughs). I'd come help you on the weekends though.

CL: Do you like being in Malibu better than being in town? LDR: I like the idea of it. People don't always go out to visit you in Malibu. So there's a lot of alone time, which is kind of like, hmmm. I'm not in (indie rock enclave) Silver Lake but I love all the stuff that's going on around there. I guess I'd have to say I prefer town, but I've got my half time Malibu fantasy.

CL: The only bad thing that can happen in Malibu really is getting on Etsy and overspending.

LDR: Oh my God, woman...(laughs) Tell me about it. Late night sleepless Etsy binges.

CL: Regretsy binges. Ok, so lyrically, you have some tropes and themes and one of them is the colour red. Red dresses, scarlet, nail polish...I kind of want to steal that.

LDR: You need to take over that, because I think I've got to relinquish the red.

CL: Well, I overuse the word "wh*re".

LDR: You take red, I'll trade for wh*re. I'm so lucky.

CL: I love this new song (Love).

LDR: Thank you. I love the new song too. I'm glad it's the first thing out. It doesn't sound that retro, but I was listening to a lot of Shangri-Las and wanted to go back to a bigger more mid-tempo, single-y sound. The last 16 months, things were kind of crazy in the US, and in London, when I was there. I was just feeling like I wanted a song that made me feel a little more positive when I sang it. And there's an album that's gonna come out in the spring called Lust for Life. I did something I haven't ever done, which is not that big of a deal, but I have a couple of collabs. Speaking of John Lennon, I have a song with Sean Lennon. Do you know him? CL: I do. I like him

LDR: It's called Tomorrow Never Came. I don't know if you've ever felt this way, but when I wrote it I felt like it wasn't really for me. I kept on thinking about who this song was for or who could do it with me and then I realised that he would be a good person. I didn't know if I should ask him because actually I have a line in it where I say "I wish we could go back to your country house and put on the radio and listen to our favourite song by Lennon and Yoko". I didn't want him to think I was asking him because I was namechecking them. Actually, I had listened to his records over the years and I did think it was his vibe, so I played it for him and he liked it. He rewrote his verse and had extensive notes, down to the mix. And that was the last thing I did, decision wise. I haven't mixed the record, but that fact that Love just came out and Sean kind of finished up the record, it felt very meant to be. Because that whole concept of peace and love really is in his veins and in his family. Then I also have Abel (Tesfaye), the Weeknd. He is actually on the title track of the record, Lust for Life. Maybe that's kind of weird to have a feature on the title track, but I really love that song and we had said for a while that we where gonna do something; I did stuff on his last two records.

CL: Do you have a singular producer or several producers?

LDR: Rick Nowels. He actually did stuff with Stevie Nicks a while ago. He works really well with women. I did the last few records with him. Even with Ultraviolence, which I did with Dan (Auerbach) I did the record first with Nick, and then I went to Nashville and reworked the sound with Dan. So yeah, Rick Nowels is amazing and these two engineers - with all the records that I've worked on with Rick, they did a lot of the production as well. You would love these two guys. They're just super innovative. I wanted a bit of a sci-fi flair for some of the stuff and they had some really cool production ideas. But yeah, that's pretty much it. I mean, Max Martin -

CL: Wait, you wrote with Max Martin? You went to the compound?

LDR: Have you been there? CL: No. I've always wanted to work with Max Martin.

LDR: So basically, Lust for Life was the first song that I wrote for the record but it was kind of like a Rubik's Cube. I felt like it was a big song but....it wasn't right. I don't usually do back and re-edit things that musch, because the songs end up sort of being what they are, but this one song I kept going back to. I really liked the title. I liked the verse. John Janick was like, 'Why don't we just go over and see what Max Martin thinks?' So I flew to Sweden and showed him the song. He said that he felt really strongly that the best part was the verse and that he wanted to hear it more than once, so I should think about making it the chorus. So I went back to Rick Nowels place the next day and I was like, 'Let's try and make the verse the chorus' and we did, and it sounded perfect. That's when I felt like I really wanted to hear Abel sing the chorus, so he came down and rewrote a little bit of it. But then I was feeling like it was missing a little bit of the Shangri-La element, so I went back for a fourth time and layered it up with harmonies. Now I'm finally happy with it (laughs). But we should do something. Like, soon.

CL: I would like that. That would be awesome.

Lust for Life is out this spring.

[thatgirlwhoworksforwhatshew-blog]

tarak,

lets not beat around the bush, i miss you. like alot.

im not even going to get into what are the things that keep reminding me of th time we had, because thatd be me listing out my every minute of the day. yes, there are times when i remember you not for the good-reasons, but mostly i end up wanting to think of you instead of living in such a denial of ‘im over you’.

i know you must be going through alot, im not trying to compare us here, on who is feeling it more deeply, quality and quantity- how much ever of a utilitarian i claim to be, i want to be stupidly selfish enough to say i feel it hit me very hard. especially when i see people around me claim their relationships to be like the epitome of perfection and love, i just cant help but think of the beautiful masterpiece we could have made together. 

they say ‘chaos brings art’., that, time will tell. until then, ill just sit around and feel things like how its supposed to be.

i hope its not that hard on you.whom am i kidding, how much ever i convince myself that you will get over me, by pouring alot of ‘hate’ like how your friends wanted you to, im still silly enough to hope that you wouldnt be that harsh on me. gosh, this is never going to happen is it? im only going to die in dissapointment of letting things go this far, and getting nothing in return(when i now have the chance) or do i?

i know you, i know the charm, i know how you effect people, and how much ever stupid and goofy you get around me, i know what you are- or atleast i knew. why did we let things go this recklessly? i was immature, but why dint we sort things out then and there. gosh, i just cant look at the word jodhpur without a little guilt., i cannot look at any word starting with a T, and has both R and K. 

do you have any idea how many songs have the word tara, taraka, in them? its like some stupid prank someone is pulling on me. my mom also began to ask me how youre doing, she out of everyone, made an assumption that my mood is practically proportional to my time on my phone and phone calls, which basically is only with you. so she goes like “oh, tarak dint call today” after few days, she began to wonder if things were fine with you, and i burst out angrily, that ‘you should be fine because youre avoiding me’. please be true! anyway, i dont care where this questioning is coming from, but i reasoned out how this equation of my good moods being equated with our calls, was a little irring in the beginning, because i dont think i need some ONE person to keep me happy. it was a troubling thought which i used to hold a grudge on myself for depending on you for what ever greedy reasons. but i began to realise how first, that wasnt the case. i wsnt greedy on this reason, i was just looking for a support and a person to share my happiness with. i was greedy maybe when it came to things like, eventhough i knew it was hard for you, i was still there poking things and making it harder for you. TO THE EXTENT THAT YOU NOW BLOCKED ME. WOW. im not blaming you, maybe you did the right thing. maybe if you dint do that, we could have pulled each others hair out in this menace. but did we really do the right thing if i am feeling this way right now? whats the point tarak?

its 10:10 right now. wow. 

honestly, there are times when i thank myself for this space, because i really enjoy doing things for myself, but by the end of the day, i really hoped that youd call or email, so that i could tell you about all the amazing things i read, watched, discovered and i desperately want to share them with you, but i cant!

i got back to my bubble, my day basically revolves around reading and arranging my library. i still hold heidi close to myself when i sleep every night. i really regret not finishing it for you. but i dont know how much meaning she hold to you anyway. shes my world, she is the first thing i was obsessed with, and i thought she’d bring you similar joy, but now we never know i guess.

ive been doing philosophy for NET, although i havent started in serious mode, illl get there soon. i applied for an internship navdhanya, and have made plans of what to do with life., quite roughly. i even made a bucket list, of things i should try, filled with things that fascinate me. sample, fireflies. i never saw them in real life. and now i feel bad just by that thought. but yeah, i was pretty serious wheni made that list, and i keep adding things into it every now and then. i dont know why i mentioned this now, but i felt like it. ohh, since im updating about life, i should mention how i spoke to dad(basically, a mail) about most of the things i could never say to him, mostly stressing on how now i should be left unbothered. 

since i couldnt give rockstar another chance, sorry boss, the thought of having to go through that actress’ bad acting for three hours was itself torturous., i found the screenplay/script of the movie., and let me tell you how good i felt after reading it. i had better actors in my mind, and i dreamt about it for a couple of nights. it was a rollercoaster. i think screenplays do that to you. its like reading the book instead of watching the movie, but rockstar has to do with the songs, and since i had a clue about them, i can justify now. and i think i understand you better now, but i dont know, my timing of watching the movie is like another satire. not just this one, many more. gosh, i have like an entire saga of things i could use to cry over to. the other day, i cried while reading tagore poetry, although that was a worthy reason, its crazy how i dont know what little thing could be a trigger.

but how much ever i might try to romanticize all of this, tarak, i really think apart from the happy and goofy times we spent, which dont actually matter as much if we look back(except for nostagia purposes) id say we both needed a better versions, and both of us seperately too needed to be honest with what we are.. not just in showing the other person. im talking about myself mostly. and, for what ever we had, id hate to call it, but because of the lack of a better word, lets admit, we were toxic. and i have to say, how much ever you tried to get over your ego and wanted to be a feminist, looking back at minute details of the interactions we had, plus from the ones you talk about to others, i realised how often there were times when you basically preached something and failed to follow. im slightly ashamed to admit this, but i have gone through a phase of man-hating when i realised the things i have seen around,  thats basically when i realised how these could be the things you failed to see, (and prolly reasoned out for good enough reasons) but somewhere deep inside, i know its not so.like i read it in some book, (which bt the way, i should say felt like i was reading line by line about you) because it talks about how men who seem woke, but still choose to do the same thing, although for different reasons(or so they claim) is another result of the system. and i just cringed at this thought. because im sorry, but i felt it multiple times in our stay together. 

tarak, honestly how much ever im loving reading and researching, im afraid im getting very theoretical. now i cannot stop myself from pin pointing mistakes in everything, and am clearly missing out the beauty in things. if i learned one thing, love is for people who want to give up reason. if you are too calculated and stubborn, you can never love. im not saying im getting calculated and all brains-no-heart, but im slanting that way, and im just afraid i might never find redemption because i like this more. id choose this over love. for now. im sure time will prove me different, but let me tell you how much i value reading and art.

i guess we never spoke about this, why did we not? 

you know the whole ‘books are my bestfriends’? this is literally my life summarized. in my entire time at indus, i basically spent most of the time in the library, or in the washroom- where i used to sneak in, to bunk science classes. i had a reading tree also. under which i used to read in the sports period. prajeeth was a science guy, and the labs were right opposite to the library, so he used to keep a check on me, i often got late to catch my evening bus, so he’d make sure i dint. not to forget the music room. that was another room i spent some quality time in. while the library was in the first floor of the new building, the music room was in a circular room, on the terranc. the whole terrace was for music and art. we had a lot of empty open area where we were given assignments in. i love that place. id want to take you there one day, if, you know... 

so as i was saying, i just prefer reading and listening over anything. at this point, it feels like i know nothing apart from these both. i know you wouldnt agree with me being a good listener, but i know me, and i know im good.

well, now about us, i dont know. i really dont. i may say id be happy if you move on, and find yourself a woman, but i dont know if i can say it at this point, when im clearly meaning it. so, i can only hope for you to become a stronger person, collecting yourself from all of the past. and if you’re moving on, good for you., but id like to take my own sweet time with my memories of you,us, and laugh cry cringe all at once slowly. im not sating im attempting to get over you, because somehow that is making me think about you even more, and its actually making me want you for a whole different list of reasons. ill stick to this natural flow, and ill see you when i see you, years from now, or maybe more. somehow in the midst of some really stupid portions, there are some things you set a high limit in, for men to fill in- who might enter my life. so its going to be a big deal if i commit to someone tarak, and id still want to share about it with you, i dont know if that comes out from mere friendship or more, but i dont mind either ways.

i want to say this one last thing, because ive been wanting to say it for a long time, after the phone call.

it might be years later that we meet,and finally talk, when ever it is, how ever long it has been, if you turned out a good man, not just rational and responsible but realist and a romantic., id love for me to fall for you all over again, or maybe fall correctly* this time, until then ill wait.

 i want to wait. 

that’s me. there are surely many more things i want to say, but i will wait, like i said, and its not like youre going to read this, so its fine. ill look forward for what is coming, i hope you are healthy and are fine (at the least). i miss akbar, i hope aunty is not having a hard time seeing you break down anymore, i hope thats not the case, dont cry tarak! did you stop smoking? i was thinking about it on the 26th, i hope youre sticking to your resolution. i miss the smell of it, i sometimes open my specs-case to smell it, and it reminds me alot of you and red rum. its amazing. i miss it all, i miss you guys alot, i miss you babu. take care. 

xo

raaga.

[carriejonesbooks]

So, there was an old blog  post on the Huffington Post by Heidi Grant Halvorson, Ph.D that references Carol Dweck’s studies in the 1980s on how smart girls and smart boys dealt with material that was new and challenging.

Halvorson wrote:

She found that Bright Girls, when given something to learn that was particularly foreign or complex, were quick to give up; the higher the girls’ IQ, the more likely they were to throw in the towel. In fact, the straight-A girls showed the most helpless responses. Bright boys, on the other hand, saw the difficult material as a challenge, and found it energizing. They were more likely to redouble their efforts rather than give up.

Why does this happen? What makes smart girls more vulnerable and less confident when they should be the most confident kids in the room? At the 5th grade level, girls routinely outperform boys in every subject, including math and science. So there were no differences between these boys and girls in ability, nor in past history of success. The only difference was how bright boys and girls interpreted difficulty — what it meant to them when material seemed hard to learn. Bright Girls were much quicker to doubt their ability, to lose confidence, and to become less effective learners as a result.

She thought it was about how parents deal with their kids. She wrote:

More often than not, Bright Girls believe that their abilities are innate and unchangeable, while bright boys believe that they can develop ability through effort and practice.

How do girls and boys develop these different views? Most likely, it has to do with the kinds of feedback we get from parents and teachers as young children. Girls, who develop self-control earlier and are better able to follow instructions, are often praised for their “goodness.” When we do well in school, we are told that we are “so smart,” “so clever, ” or “such a good student.” This kind of praise implies that traits like smartness, cleverness and goodness are qualities you either have or you don’t.

Boys, on the other hand, are a handful. Just trying to get boys to sit still and pay attention is a real challenge for any parent or teacher. As a result, boys are given a lot more feedback that emphasizes effort (e.g., “If you would just pay attention you could learn this,” “If you would just try a little harder you could get it right.”) The net result: When learning something new is truly difficult, girls take it as sign that they aren’t “good” and “smart,” and boys take it as a sign to pay attention and try harder.

  I was thinking about this specifically as an author. You hear a lot of horror stories about people trying for decades to get published, and you hear a lot of stories about how authors even when they are published don’t feel like they are good enough, or are afraid to go for big author goals. You hear and read a lot of blog posts about people who just don’t think they are good enough and they give up sometimes.

When I get fan letters from yet-to-be-published writers, a lot of it asks for writing advice and I usually tell them this:

Don’t just expect to be amazing. Writing is a craft. The more you do it, the better you get at it. People don’t expect to be brilliant guitar players or sculptors the first time they tackle a guitar or a piece of marble. But writers expect to be stunning with their very first story.

In a way, I think that’s kind of like to what Halvorson and Dweck were saying. To succeed in anything, you have to be willing to think that it’s cool to overcome challenges (in plot, or character development) and BELIEVE that you can. You sort of have to look at life and writing and problems as something that’s a cool adventure, and not think you are a miserable and total failure if you don’t get it perfect the first time.

It’s time to stop being hard on ourselves.

Seriously.

You are allowed to stink.

If you fail 8,000 times it doesn’t mean you are dumb or not worthy. It just means you are on an adventure. But you have to chose to allow yourself to be on that adventure, chose to not think you are the epitome of suckitude every time you get rejected or a bad review, or don’t instantly understand AP Computer Science or some new grammatical construction in a language you’re learning. It doesn’t mean you are any less worthy, any less awesome.

I swear.

What do you think? Are these researchers onto something? Are you female and do you think you give up on tasks too easily? Are you a guy and you do the same thing? Do you think people in the arts (no matter what his/her gender) do this more than people do in other fields?

So How Do You Not Give Up. How Do You Cultivate Your Shiny?

Give yourself room to not be perfect.

Realize that perfection isn’t attainable, but being better/doing better? That is.

Let Your Goal Motivate You

Whatever you want? Want it really, really bad.

Cultivate Your Inner Cheerleader

Let the voice inside you lift you up the way you want to lift up others. Be as encouraging to yourself as you are to your partner, your kids, your students, your friends.

Give Yourself Time

Things that are worth it can take awhile? Think about the writing of Harry Potter, the making of a bouillabaisse, of sculpture. Skills have to be worked on. Thoughts have to be thought. Actions have to occur in order to get to what you want to understand or create or be. So, allow yourself the time to make it happen.

Writing News

Yep, it’s the part of the blog where I talk about my books and projects because I am a writer for a living, which means I need people to review and buy my books or at least spread the word about them.

So, please buy one of my books. 🙂 The links about them are all up there in the header on top of the page.  There are young adult series, middle grade fantasy series, stand-alones for young adults and even picture book biographies.

Time Stoppers

Dear Bully

Flying

Need

Sarah Emma Edmonds

CARRIE’S APPEARANCES

I’ll be at Book Expo America in NYC on June 1 at 11:30 – 12 at the Lerner booth signing copies of the Spy Who Played Baseball. A week before that,

I’ll also be in NYC presenting to the Jewish Book Council . Come hang out with me!

PODCAST

The podcast DOGS ARE SMARTER THAN PEOPLE is still chugging along!

Thanks to all of you who keep listening to our weirdness as we talk about random thoughts, writing advice and life tips.

We’re sorry we laugh so much… sort of. Please share it and subscribe if you can.

Bright Girls – Don’t Give Up! Stay Shiny So, there was an old blog  post on the Huffington Post by Heidi Grant Halvorson, Ph.D that references Carol Dweck’s studies in the 1980s on how smart girls and smart boys dealt with material that was new and challenging.