#the fact he gets drunk off human food tho

[lemonsourcrisis]

HeartBeat 가슴이 뛴다 (2023) "Don't tell me you're drunk. You're drunk off noodles?"

[sunshine-zenith]

Okay but like. Ratatouille from Linguini’s perspective tho

You’re some broke, awkward guy in his twenties who can’t keep a job down to the point that you Know that the letter your recently dead mom wrote to her also dead famous friend’s coworker contains Something about giving you employment. So you march yourself down to this fancy restaurant, submit yourself to verbal whiplash, fork over what might’ve been the last thing your mother ever wrote, and become the lowly janitor

Fine, right? I mean, shitty day/week/month/whatever, but you aren’t picky. You have a job, so you can pay rent. Except you accidentally spill like half a pot of soup and you panic. You literally got this job like fifteen minutes ago and you already fucked up. Rent is breathing down your neck so you do the Broke Twenty Something thing where you try to use water to hide the difference, throw in some spices because you have no idea how cooking works, and hope that no one notices despite the fact that one sniff tells you you fucked it up worse.

Then a rat fixes it.

A random rat fixes it.

(You’re broke, you’re mom is dead, and you cook worse than a rat. Imagine that.)

And somehow the soup gets served to a food critic that’s apparently well respected and now you have no idea if you’re gonna be flayed alive by your new boss or given a job you are in no way qualified for. Rent is still a thing.

Then you realize the rat understands human language and knows enough body language to communicate. Then you realize you’re own body is fucking weird because this completely random rat (that you had to explain morality to because he stole some herbs from your neighbor) is controlling your limbs by tugging on your hair. Also you become lowkey famous yourself because the rat is that good a cook.

And you have to go along with it because you need money to eat and not be homeless and you need a job to get money. It hasn’t even been a week.

At least your coworkers are nice enough. You get a crush on one of them and get a crash course on cooking and working in a kitchen and sexism and oh my god like at least three of your coworkers are technically criminals aren’t they?? Also your boss gets you drunk and asks you a bunch of weird questions about pets. You only wanted a job

(The rat makes you kiss the coworker you kinda have a crush on that’s been teaching you everything. What the fuck. You probably have to explain consent to a rat now. Luckily the coworker likes you back and is okay with the kiss, but still. What the fuck)

(Also the rat now seems to have a rivalry with your new girlfriend. What the hell, rat buddy? You’re literally the reason these two are together, and also the girlfriend has been working in the food industry longer than the rat has been alive probably, she clearly knows her shit)

Suddenly, out of nowhere, the rat walks up to you with some documents about how your dead mom’s dead famous friend is your dad. Also your boss did DNA tests on you behind your back (invasive much??). Now you own an entire restaurant because of a deadline in you’re secret dead dad’s will that was like two days away from being moot.

(I dunno about y’all, but I’d need to sit down for like seventy years at this point because there’s like fifty different layers of fucked up here. You grew up without knowing your dad, then you learn you’ve been working at his restaurant. He’s famous and his face is on a bunch of frozen food dishes. Both of your parents are dead. Your mom never told you or your dad about the being related thing for some reason. Your boss did a DNA test on you. You own a restaurant and you can’t even cook. Your new pet rat somehow got this information before you and can apparently read. Your father was a famous chief, your name is literally a pasta, and you can’t even cook. It’s only been a couple months, what the hell)

Now you’re famous and the food critic they lowkey caused your secret dad’s death is after you because he has a weird vendetta going on, and also your rat (who’s like your best friend at this point let’s be real) is acting weirder than usual, but at least you have a better apartment and get to talk about how much you love your super cool and smart girlfriend in public.

Next thing you know, your rat is sneaking other rats into the kitchen, you have to explain that a rat can cook better than you, and everyone quits in the middle of the day (what the heck, one of them probably killed a guy and another was in the circus. The rat thing is weird but like. You can roll with the punches. Why can’t they??)

So while you’re like having a panic attack because of this, your rat unionized his rat friends and now the kitchen is being run by rats. What can you do? You wait tables because what the hell, you’re in way too deep at this point.

(Also, side note, Linguini totally missed out on his true calling as a professional roller skater or something. Dude’s graceless even when he isn’t being piloted by a rat, but on a set of roller skates he’s friggin amazing)

Luckily, your super smart (maybe ex?) girlfriend comes back (even if the whole rat thing is still throwing her off, but hey. It’s prolly nice to have Somebody acknowledge the weirdness of this entire thing without jumping ship). Apparently the food your rat cooks is so good that the food critic that lowkey killed your dad reevaluates his entire life, but now he wants to meet the person that made the meal. What do you do — your (maybe ex?) girlfriend is the only other human here, do you say she made it or do you show him the rat?

You decide to make this Super Important Super Harsh food critic wait hours, then you and your (probably) girlfriend have to show off how you’re weirdly drift compatible with a rat. The food critic just like. Thanks you for the meal and leaves. What do you do?

Also at some point during the night the rats kidnapped your weirdly invasive ex-boss and a health inspector. So yeah, you should probably deal with that.

Then the food critic that lowkey lead to your dad’s death writes this inspirational piece that critizes critics, tanking his own career in the process, only for the health inspector to shut down your dad’s restaurant. But okay, the now ex-food critic now takes the money he made shattering the dreams of other chiefs and invests in your rat best friend’s dreams, and now he’s kinda your friend and you work at the rat’s restaurant with your amazing girlfriend.

All this happened in only a few months. You just wanted a job.

Linguini’s a fucking champion for putting up with all this istg

[softpatts]

꒦꒷ִֶָ· . the obey me characters preferred nicknames (as well as their reactions because i cant stay on topic)

warnings: none !!

fandom: Obey Me!

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ᜊʕ っ◞ ˕ ◟c ʔ.. ♡︎ 𝑛𝑜𝑡𝑒𝑠: ayee im,, not dead ^^; im soso sorry for not posting- havent had much motivation to write latley,, as you can probably tell !! so again,, sorry !! but have these,, kinda shitty headcanons ~ !! <3

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𝙻𝚞𝚌𝚒𝚏𝚎𝚛:

- hes really old fashioned with pet names

- will automatically call you "Darling",, no i dont take criticism

- as the relationship progresses hell call you more,, such as sweetheart,, doll,, mine,, pos s i b l y babydoll though im a bit iffy on that one

- hes just a sucker for nicknames like those,, the old sappy ones,, and god the way he says it fits perfectly,, just the slight accent he puts into it is,, mWAH

- as for him,, he doesnt have any preffered nicknames,, but something about the way his name sounds coming out of your mouth

- god he loves it so much

- though besides his name his favorite would probably be darling/my love

- it seems so intimate and he loves how hes the only one you call that,, nobody else

𝙼𝚊𝚖𝚖𝚘𝚗:

- weve seen what this man calles MC,, his human,, he likes most nicknames as long as theres "my" in front of it

- though the ones he called you most are stupid,, idiot,, dummy,, you can see the pattern

- while that i s how he expresses his love,, if he sees its bothering you even the slightest bit hell stop right away

- hes pretty rough with affection,, but he wILL call you doll,, no doubt about it

- and the way it soUN D S AAA it sounds so pretty and god its just,, wow

- when it comes to calling HIM nicknames,, he loves being called baby (or baby boy,, but hell never admit to that one)

- no matter how long you two have been together hell get extremely blushy n flustered whenever you call him that,, hell tell you to shut up,, spoiler alert he doesnt want you to

- please keep calling him that he loves it akdhsk

𝙻𝚎𝚟𝚒:

- hes extremely akward with it at first,, and youll probably have to bring it up first

- i feel like hell call you his "irl waifu" alot,, or hell call you his "henry"

- though in the private of his or your room,, hell call you really sappy names like princess,, baby,, or anything with "my" in front of it,, though he only really calls you baby when youre teasing him

- hell stretch out the "y" n say it in a really whiny voice aA

- the first time he called you princess was one night,, after staying up for days on end,, he finally crashed,, he was close to passing out while leaning against you

- though before he fell asleep you heard him whisper a soft "night princess" AND OH MY GOD AKDHSK

- switching to him now,, he loves it when you call him handsome,, or your prince

- every time itll make his heart soar and hell turn into a fumbling blushy mess,, like mammon he wILL call you stupid,, and tell you to shut up

- once agAIN DONT- DONT SHUT UP HE LOVES IT

- theres been many occasions where hes accidentally called you a really cheesy cutsey nickname in front of mammon,, and god he never lets it go

- hell tease levi endlessly,, mocking him in a wierd voice that you assume was supposed to be levis..?

- but no matter how much he gets teased for it,, he loves being called pet names

𝚂𝚊𝚝𝚊𝚗:

-hell definitely call you kitty,,, doesn’t matter where,, in the bedroom,, in front of his brothers,, even in the presence of Lord Diavolo himself

- he thinks it fits !! seeing as he likes cats,,, and likes you even more,, what better than to call you his kitty??

- I feel like he’s also the type of person to call you baby,, but in a really deep n fancy voice,, fancy?? I think that’s right AKDHSK

- but he loves your reactions,, no matter if it’s getting extremely flustered,, or you doing it right back to him !!

- the first time Lucifer heard him call you kitty,, mans spit out his drink- he was,, surprised to say the least??

- after that it just pissed him off,, so aye another reason to keep calling you his kitty !!

- he enjoys any nicknames,, though if you call him master- WOOH lemme just say this man will go feral aA he loves it,, he’ll get flustered if it’s in a public setting though- he’s all for calling you embarrassing nicknames but when you flip it around all of a sudden he’s against it 😞

- (just saying,, thats a lie- he loves it when you call him that in public akdhdk he likes people knowing he’s yours as much as you’re his !!

𝙰𝚜𝚖𝚘:

-he calls you baby,, precious,, cutie,, all tho s e akdhsk 

- hell do it in a real,y high pitched,, almost baby voice n it’s sweet at first,, but gets annoying when he wONT SHUT UP

- if he knows it annoys you,, no he won’t stop,, he’ll do the opposite in fact,, he’ll do it even more !!

- if you start getting “angry” he’ll drape himself over you n try to kiss you while saying “you know you love meeee” drawing out the e

- when he does that the others swear he drunk,, actually drunk?? no,, love drunk?? yes,, yes very much

- he loves you,, and he’s not gonna stop showing you exactly how much he loves you !!

- now that’s what he calls you,, but ypu calling hIM nicknames ><

- he lOVES LO V E S it when you call him things like "pretty boy" "cutie" "handsome"

- they just make his heart flutter,,, and though he may get those all the time,, them coming from you just makes it an absolute gift

- hell often retort back with one of your nicknames

- "what are ya doing handsome??"

- "nothing really cutie~ i was planning on going to this new salon that opened up though,, would you like to come?"

- something about you calling him nicknames just,, mwah !!

- he also loves when you call his personality pretty,, or compliment his personality/traits,, hes used to compliments about his physical body,, but hi m and what he can actually do makes his heart flutter,, and hed actually get somewhat flustered !!

𝙱𝚎𝚎𝚕:

- He definitley calls you sth food related,, his creampuff,, dumpling,, honey,, sweetheart,, just really sweet n nice nicknames,,, he loves the way it sounds when he talks to you

- the first time he called you that was in the kitchen,, he had heard satan talking about these things that were common in relationships called "pet names"

- so you walked into the kitchen one night n it was the first thing that came to his mine

- "hey there creampuff,,"

- wh a t

- you had to do a double take,, but,, after a few seconds you answered

- "is something wrong??" please he thought he made you uncomfy,, or satan was wrong,,,

- "no !! i just,,, wansnt expecting that from you"

- hell call you nicknames ALOT

- first thing in the morning,, randomly in the hallway,, just anytime hes able to hell call you nicknames,, its gone to the point where hell rarley call you by your actual name

- he loves it when you call him "my man",, "baby",, "sweetheart",, but his favorite would have to be "my love"

- nicknames with "my" in them make his heart flutter

- the first time you called him a nickname he froze up and got all blushy

- he didnt at all exepect that,, and you sounded so casual??? what???

- he pulled you over you him,, wrapped his arms around you,, and rested his head on top of yours

- he didnt let go for,, quite a while

𝙱𝚎𝚕𝚙𝚑𝚒𝚎:

- belphie isnt actually one for nicknames,,, he doesnt think it makes any sense,, why should he call you anything other than your name??

- though if you ask,, or it comes up at all that you want him to call you something,, hell do it without hesitation- aksjak

- he calls you sleepyhead. No i dont take criticism- it doesnt matter if you nap as much as him or not hes calling you sleepyhead

- i feel like he also might call you his light,, or his sunshine,, just because of how he met you,,, n how at some points you seem like the only good thing in his life at that moment,,,

- "i love you, my light,, more than i could ever tell you."

- AAAAAAAAAAAAAA GOD PLEASE AKSJAJS

- as for you calling him nicknames,, he could really care less,, as long as its from you he loves it

- one of his favorites is "my moon" you just,, came up with it one day,, and he stuck with it,, and its gotten to the point where hell barley answer to his own name,, which can get him in a bit of trouble

- "belphie !! get yer ass up and help me with this !!"

- "belphie."

-"BELPHIE!!"

- "hm? Oh were you saying something?"

- "yes i called your name like a hundred times or somethin !!"

- sometimes he just doesnt answer you when you call him by his name,, and hell wait and stare at you until you until you call him by his nickname

𝑡𝑎𝑔𝑠 🏷️:

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[keeper-not-hero]

MY THREE HUMANS AND MY THREE TROLLS ARE FINALLY DONE BEING THOUGHT ABOUT AND ARE NOW PLACED INTO THE WORLD FOR YOU TO ENJOY READING ABOUT, Massive post under read more!!!

[Obs: These ain’t kids. They’re all in their early 20’s tho.]

Gatolt Osbizb (name means nothing. = Muse of Doom.) - 

Looks: Hair that goes down to her shoulders, curly and surprisingly well groomed. Skin (and body) made up of tiny chunks stitched together. Fingers, hands, legs, slightly different shades of grey, with seams colored with the multitude of different blood types beneath. Blank eyes, shirt and pants. Simplistic dress code.

Personality: A hodgepodge of Troll flesh, bones, and a few cybernetic enhancements all stitched together into a singular being. Goldblood, purple blood, violet, and more. Both of her eyes are blank (though she can still see thanks to cyberoptics), and she is usually in at least a mild amount of pain due to the strain of her body barely being able to keep itself together. Despite all that, she tries to act cheery and tries to be the life of her friend circle, though not always with success. And besides, she rarely tries to mingle outside of it, feeling unwelcome in other circles.

Constantly requires maintenance which she usually does herself, and… fresh replacements. Her creator fucked up in making her, which means she is now slowly yet constantly rotting away, to the point every part of her body except the brain and enhancements are different than her first resurrection.  Her girlfriend, Bakhus, usually helps with gathering ‘replacements’. She feels like a burden due to her condition that sometimes leaves her bedridden for days, which makes her stay quiet and sometimes even enable her friends’ bad habits, because she doesn’t want to be a drag. Hates the fact her whole life revolves around her condition. Likes gardening and clockwork.

Bakhus Gredui (Greedy Bacchus / Dionysius. = Thief of Void)  - 

Looks: Hair that goes all the way to the floor and a few feet behind her, greasy, messy, and dragging food bits in it. Tank top with her sign (Sign of the Brazen) on it, suspenders and oversized clown pants. Juggalo make-up messy and somewhat faded, droopy yellow eyes, usually with a hunched stance. Very, very tall, and extremely strong - with some healthy weight to her body to go along with it.

Personality: A purple-blood that represses her kind and motherly urges under liters and liters of Faygo. A chef at heart and a great cook from years of experience, she constantly throws barbecues and small carnivals on her massive garden, which attracts lowblood and highblood alike. Her festivities have become small gathering spots for those who wish to mingle with the upper / lower classes despite their own status, and for spies of both the Condescension and those who oppose her. Bakhus is, of course, too busy grilling to mind that she has accidentally created the perfect neutral spot.

Despite her cooking prowess, the Faygo inhibits both her ability to feel much empathy or care about the taste of her food. Deliciously cooked and prepared meals placed near overly-sugary, soggy, Faygo-drenched pretzels. She carries a massive cookbook alongside her massive pot, which has recipes that certain blood types enjoy, and… recipes made out of said blood types. She has no qualms cooking violets and reds, and sometimes will go so far as to grab Faygo-drunk trolls in her cookout and take them inside to ‘rest’. They’re never seen again.

Also keeps a small spice garden. Gatolt usually takes care of it, with whatever isn’t used to cook as fertilizer. Occasionally, she sends the butchered corpses to Marciu. Who also happens to be Gatolt’s creator.

Marciu Shelli (Like, y’know. Mary Shelley. Frankenstein’s author. = Seer of Space)  - 

Looks: Short hair, think Eridan, but with no streak. Scrawny to a fault, and clearly underfed. Big scientist glasses with special prescription lenses, white lab robes that hide his starving figure and his left hand gloved with thick, hazmat-suit-like protection. The right one is a prosthetic, indigo tubes and wires trying to replicate the sensation of the original with… some success. Pointy nose, sharp teef.

Personality: Anxious, skittery and, quite frankly pitiful even for an indigo blood, Marciu spends most of his days either robbing graves for corpses or putting his ill-gotten gains to use in his laboratory. Deeply resentful of feelings he has about himself, he buries them deep within him and, to make sure no one can say he is valid or try to empathize with his pain, keeps pushing himself further and further down the hole until he pushes everyone away. Having lost a hand to a nasty accident involving a bone saw and a few too many of Bakhus’ spiked snacks, he also has a mechanical replacement.

A master of biomechanical engineering, he constantly creates half-troll, half-machine abominations to help him around the lab. Rotten servants just barely able to move their joints with hollow eyes and faces, mechanical hearts pumping blood and fuel throughout the system. Still, despite his best attempts at being as repugnant as possible, his friends still cling to him.

Except Gatolt. Gatolt has actively tried to kill him multiple times, being stopped only by Bakhus’ eternal kindness to the weirdo that occasionally gives her “aged” ingredients. Also, his human friends.

[Why does he have human friends? Idk, Pesterchum + machines or AU where humans and trolls live in the same world after a few Sburb/Sgrub/Swhatever versions playing out after homestuck and Lord English being gone.]

Bert Kairos (Albert Einstein and his whole relativity stuff + Kairos, a greek concept of time. = Mage of Time.)  - 

Looks: Very short and very curly hair. Dark skin, both legs missing, though one has a very unpolished, simplistic metal prosthetic to help him stand in one foot. Right arm missing too, half of a prosthetic attached to it,cut off at the elbow from an accident. Hasn’t bothered replacing it yet. Blouse with a robot symbol and shorts, chin stubble. Brown eyes.

Personality: A gentle soul who makes more time for everyone else than he ever did to himself. Spending literal days away from his parents’ home, staying in his makeshift workshop creating toys for the kids on his street and to help the people of his community. Lost both legs and an arm from accidents with heavy machinery and cars that he work repairing to make a living, usually for meager scraps out of the kindness of his own heart and the belief that it’s all part of a greater plan that he barely gets enough to survive, relying on crutches and Marciu’s prosthetics that often break because of even more accidents due to his very precarious working conditions.

He dreams of one day being able to inspire people, though. A big, endless machine of silly, simple delights. Not curing the world, not controlling the weather, a machine with the same utility as a painting. A machine that could cover the entire world in its width and length, proof that humanity can do anything if it just bands together. A wish that sometimes consumes his mind as he spends hours on end, instead of sleeping, building small moving pieces that will hopefully one day help fill this whole. This magnificent machine he will make to help mankind flourish through its artistic value, that they will sing his name in praise for generations, that mankind will be uplifted until we don’t need work, money, barriers, differences, just a homogenous mass streaking across the cosmos with machine brilliance. 

But, he has way too many people to take care of, so he never dabbles on it too much.

Andy Eissuh ( :) - Lord of Life) - 

Looks: Blonde hair tied in a manbun. Bushy stubble beard all over his face. Smuggest fucking grin you’ve ever seen. Blue eyes. Average height, an air of superiority that is as annoying as it is believable due to how he carries himself; like an untouchable douchebag. White tuxedo and business pants, y’know, like a doctor. Right? He’s even got the white cross! Yeah, sure, that sounds right. Like he cares about proper dress code for doctors.

Personality: A very, very, very bad doctor. A very bad doctor that has just enough good reputation and far too much money from their family to let their pretty much 100% patient loss rate slip without anyone being able to pry into it. Patient comes in, body bag goes out, and nothing ever leaves the hospital. The one time he actually saved someone was by accident, and it was a botched (and misdiagnosed by him) liver transplant where he accidentally removed the appendix instead of said liver, forgot to replace it, and the patient recovered in a short while with the help of the nurses from what he later learned was appendicitis.

Believing himself to be able to do no wrong, with a chirpy, colorful yet aggressively passive personality, he keeps his friend group around mostly to dispose of the bodies without many questions asked, and so he can feel better than the pathetic wretches he considers them. Completely blind to his irredeemably cruel medical malpractices, which he didn’t even study for, he simply bought his way into a degree because he “could feel it was my destiny.” Soft, sweet, and completely unhinged. Finding great joy preying upon the insecurities and naivete of his peers, which he feels is a breeding ground to use and abuse them for his own needs. Shoulda been smarter if you didn’t wanna get taken advantage of, duh!

Cain Pyrite (Cain the first sinner + Fool’s Gold. = Rogue of Light. ) -

Looks: Hair slightly above his shoulders, dark and greasy. Sickly pale skin, beeg librarian glasses. A nice fuzzy coat, plus shirt, plus jeans. Eye symbol on his coat. Looks like he hasn’t seen the sun in weeks, which, yeah, is absolutely right. Gentle smile, though it occasionally cracks into a nervous attempt at hiding… something!

Personality: Dedicated to… no, OBSESSED with preserving occult and ancient knowledge. Scrolls from ancient alchemists, bones of kings, relics thought long since lost hidden on the back of his seemingly normal book shop. Spending most of his days with no clients, he occasionally gets someone who is aware of his darker inclinations. He is always happy to trade knowledge for knowledge and artifact for artifact.

Only, not always the originals. No. Never the originals. 

Always finding a way to spin a story and make sure that he can spot out any fakes, he builds his collection of convincing lies, and hidden truths. Friends with the others since grave-digging always inherits some fun and interesting things, and his appetite for the esoteric and forgotten is only comparable for his taste in interesting and unique foods.

[ikevamp-shrine]

Hello! I really liked your headcannon of the guys seeing their baby for the first time. I didn't see Jean or Theo tho, so can you do them, please? Its really ok if you don't want to, but thank you if you do. Have a nice day 😊

Sorry it’s taken me so long to post again. I’ve been extremely busy on top of fifty other things that I really don’t want to get into. lol. I’m back though so if anyone has any requests please feel free to ask.

Characters: Jean, Theo

Warnings: Birth

Jean

When he found out he was going to be a father he literally about died for a second time in his life

He honestly didn’t know what to say and just stared at his s/o with a blank expression, internally screaming, and walked away because of all the overwhelming emotions flowing through his veins

The pregnancy was hard on both parents, physically, for his s/o and mentally for Jean because, after all, he was still a teen when he died so he had no experience when it came to children  

He was terrified about being a father, mainly because he didn’t believe that he would be a good enough one to raise a child that would be able to survive

He didn’t think he was stable enough to be a father, cause how could someone that could barely take care of themselves take care of a tiny human?

The birth progressed rather quickly, it felt like one moment his s/o was having contractions then the next they were on a bed gushing out water, screaming their head off. 

(Was 100% against letting Arthur between his s/o’s legs but knew that he was acting as a doctor and not the usual shameless flirt, so Jean didn’t say anything)

He didn’t know what to do while the baby was being... um... evacuated so he just stood off to the side with a pained expression on his face until Arthur motioned him over and scolded him for not supporting the birthing women

Jean hesitantly grabbed one of his s/o’s hands until they squeezed his hand hard and practically shocked him out of his haze, so he squeezed back to let them know he was there and was supporting them

When he heard the baby cry for the first time he was confused 

Why was the child crying? Was it sick? Hurt? Would his lover be okay? 

Question after question was flying through his head

Later is s/o was holding the child when they suddenly looked at Jean and told him to hold the baby. His heart dropped at the idea of him, something so impure, touching a baby that hasn’t seen, felt, or heard any evil

But once he did hold the child Jean felt as if the warmth from the baby’s body soaked into him, chasing all his impurities away, he relaxed and wouldn’t stop staring at the baby in his arm

He started crying once the baby opened their tiny eyes and smiled a wide, toothless, grin at him, grabbing for his eye patch and babbling away

“I will forever be in your debt, my love, you have given me too much I’m afraid, you have took my hands and held my digits between yours. You have gifted me a child, you have created a family and let my impure self in, and I swear my endless loyalty to you and our little gift from God.”

Theo

He happened to come back drunk with Arthur when he noticed two heartbeats emitting from his lover and a conflicted expression plastered on the face he fell so hopelessly for 

He was confused and asked if his Hondjie had anything they wanted to tell him... only to receive a huff and the sight of his s/o walking away in response

He was shocked once his s/o told him they were pregnant, he already knew because of the double heart beats, but to hear it from their lips was like a slap in the face

It took a second for the information to completely sink in but once it did Theo jumped and twirled his lover around all while smiling like a little kid

When they ate together Theo would always give some of his food to his pregnant s/o (yes even some of his pancakes drowned in syrup) not wanting them to go hungry and it possibly effect the baby

He was already really protective over his lover, but now that they were pregnant no one, and I mean no one, came in a ten foot radius of his lover besides himself and his brother without Theo growling at them

He would never admit it but he, just like Jean would be terrified at the thought of not being a good father, after all he didn’t have good roll model parents so how would he know what a father is supposed to act like

He would not be able to deal with his s/o’s mood swings

He would try to tell himself that it the shifts in mood were just because of the pregnancy but that didn’t always work and he would catch himself snapping back at his s/o or arguing with them or insulting them like he does everyone causing his s/o to cry and Theo to freaking out while practically drowning in his regret for not having better control over his mouth

He was away from the mansion closing up an art show when his s/o went into labor

When he returned he was greeted by a frantic, gagging Isaac shouting that a head was coming out of Theo’s s/o.

A head? Theo was confused but once he heard his s/o scream his name he connected two and two together causing him to dash to his lover like a mad man, destroying everything in his path

The baby was in Arthur’s arms when Theo rushed through the door

Quickly walking over to his s/o he planted a kiss on their sweaty forehead and told them how amazing they did and how beautiful they looked at that moment 

When he held his baby for the first time he couldn’t get over the fact at how much the baby resembled him and his brother, Vincent, and honestly felt overwhelmed at how much pride and happiness was coursing through him

Theo would promise the child that he would protect them and love them unconditionally and be proud of them no matter what they did

He about died when he saw the eyes of his s/o looking at him and baby with so much adoration and love 

Theo would smile gently when he sees the smile on his brothers face as Vincent holds the tiny baby in his arms, cooing and making funny faces at the infant

He would lay down with his tired lover in the bed and rest their head on his shoulder while holding the baby and say, “rest now Hondjie, I will make sure nothing happens to you and our little pup.”

[yikeswtfmate]

(1) New Message from Unknown Number

main masterlist // (1) New Message Masterlist // next part

Summary: Y/N is drunk and can’t remember her ex’s number.

A/N: Hello, it is I, the idiot who writes Social Media AUs when she’s drunk but is too lazy to put them in the proper format and just leaves them to die somewhere on her laptop

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader (Social Media AU - that’s a lie, it’s actually just texts in Word format 🤡)

Warnings: swearing, dumbassery

Unknown Number: Hey asshat so listen

Unknown Number: I kno we hvnt spoken since like

Unknown Number: High school but whateve idc

Unknown Number: U’re an asshle so I dnt even care that its like…

Unknown Number: 3 in the morning nvrmd

Unknown Number: Ive ben dared to txt my hottest ex by these evil witchS so

Unknown Number: Here u go

Unknown Number: At least u had decent abs so congrats on tht jfc

Unknown Number:  also u dnt get to complain abt this txt bc like

Unknown Number: u dated me for 6 months on a dare so U KNOW WHat this shuold feel like ya

Unknown Number: Wow dude that sounds like a dick move

Unknown Number: Seriously who the hell dates someone for 6 months on a dare?

Unknown Number: Doesn’t that only happen in movies though?

Unknown Number: hey bitchass dont act like u don’t kno what im talkinG abt

Unknown Number: Oh shit yeah, sorry. I don’t know who this asshole of an ex is but I sure as hell am not him

Unknown Number: Dude sounds like a complete waste of human space

Unknown Number: And I think I wouldn’t get to live it down if my friends would hear I did something that shitty

Unknown Number: Wait lemme ask Sam

Unknown Number: Nah, he says Steve would’ve beaten my ass if I were to do that so there u go

Unknown Number: m sorry who tf are u

Unknown Number: Bucky

Unknown Number: what kind of stupid name is bucky

Unknown Number: Shit man, u’re the one blowing up my phone at 3 in the morning, sending me weird ass messages when I don’t even know u and u dare say my name is stupid???

Unknown Number: Sheit srry

Unknown Number: Is been A long night

Unknown Number: nd week

Unknown Number: Actlly make thAt the whle entire fuckin month

Girl with asshole ex: Srry fr bothering u

Unknown Number: It‘s cool

Girl with asshole ex: Hey the witches ask if ure hot

Bonky: Yeah

Girl with asshole ex: WHAT THE FCK MAN AT LEST BE A LIL BIT HUMBLE SMH

Bonky: U wanted me to lie?

Girl with asshole ex: Fair point

Girl with asshole ex: They wnt a pic

Girl with asshole ex: Pic or it didn’t happen punk

Girl with asshole ex: Tht was nat

Bonky: What kind of party are u at that you can constantly text me?

Girl with asshole ex: Wanda’s place

Girl with asshole ex: Girls night

Girl with asshole ex: Getting hammered on wine BITCH

Girl with asshole ex: Also dnt change the subject

Bonky: I don’t even know your name

Girl with asshole ex: Why would I tell u my name I just want to see a suppsdly hot asssd

Bonky: You know mine and now you want me to send u a pic of me

Bonky: Bit of a disadvantage here babe

Girl with asshole ex: Babe?

Girl with asshole ex: BABE?

Girl with asshole ex: Fine

Girl with asshole ex: BABE if I tell u my name will u send a pic of u so we kno u arnt a 60yr old perv

Bonky: I’ll think about it

Girl with asshole ex: Hey fuck u

Girl with asshole ex: Not fair

Bonky: How do I know you’re not the 60yr old perv?

Girl with asshole ex: Cuz she got big tiddies to prove

Girl with asshole ex: And that was wanda

Girl with asshole ex: So now u know my fridsn

Bonky: Still don’t know your name tho babe

Bonky: Also tell Wanda she shouldn’t give out this type of info to strangers

Girl with asshole ex: ure not a stranger anymore bonky

Girl with asshole ex: ure my babe nao

Bonky: I’m going to let that Bonky slide just bc u’re cute

Bonky: But I’m also going to stop replying until you tell me your name

Girl with asshole ex: U think im cute?

Girl with asshole ex: 

Girl with asshole ex: I mean u havnt even seen me but thats fair

Girl with asshole ex: Wand and nat say its true so ill believe u rnt lying to me rn

Girl with asshole ex: But I wanna see if ure cute

Girl with asshole ex: Wait why r u up st 3 in the mrng I mean we re drunk but wht r u doing

Girl with asshole ex: Babe u need to take better care of urself

Girl with asshole ex: Babe

Girl with asshole ex: Babe?

Girl with asshole ex: BABE?

Girl with asshole ex: Ph shit ure actually ignoring me

Girl with asshole ex: I dont like this

Girl with asshole ex: I actually like talking to u

Girl with asshole ex: Pls stop ignoring me

Girl with asshole ex: COME BACK AND LOBE ME

Girl with asshole ex: Babe?

Girl with asshole ex: Fine

Girl with asshole ex: It’s Y/N

Bonky: Now, that wasn’t so hard was it? 

Babe: fcuk u

Bonky: I’m up at 3 bc we ordered pizza and decided it’s time to beat Sam’s ass in Mario Kart once and for all

Babe: Nd how’s that going for ya?

Bonky: Bitch has been beating us for the past 3 hours

Bonky: Thor is the only one getting at least close to him now so we’re about to give up

Babe: Wait shit how r u replying so fast if ure playing Mario kart tho

Bonky: I gave up two hours ago

Babe: Quitter

Bonky: Just gotta know which fights to pick babe

Babe: Heads up I might be fallin asleep soon

Bonky: Drink some water before that, maybe get some food in u as well to soak up all the alcohol and have an advil close for tomorrow

Babe: Ok MOM

Bonky: Hey Wanda willingly told me you have “big tiddies” so your friends don’t seem to be doing a good job of taking care of you

Bonky: Might as well let me do it so you don’t die tmrw

Babe: Ohhhh so u careeeee babe im touched

Babe: Kkkkkk Ill talk tu u tmrw ill be dead soon

Babe: Nd I do have big tiddies

Bonky: Good night babe

*

Babe: What the shit

Bonky: I see you survived

Babe: Barely

Babe: My head might explode soon and I feel like I’ve vomited for an entire lifetime

Babe: TMI sorry

Bonky: I’d like to point out I’m glad I don’t have to decipher your texts anymore and that you can actually spell properly

Babe: Fuck you Buckaroo

Bonky: I would also like to remind you that I have on good authority that you have “big tiddies” so don’t make me use that against you

Babe: I am going to kill Wanda

Babe:Ugh I need coffee

Babe: I’ll talk to you later

Bonky: I’ll be waiting for you babe

*

Babe: So

Babe: BABE

Bonky: Yes baby?

Babe: 

Bonky: Nah, you love it

Babe: Fine

Babe: You still haven’t sent a pic of you though. I might be able to rise Nat and Wanda from the dead if you do

Bonky: What do I get in return?

Babe: The promise that I will keep replying even though you might turn out to be an ugly orc?

Bonky: Not enough

Babe: Fine. I’ll keep talking to you until you want me to stop. Or until I get bored of you

Bonky: Eh, you can do better

Babe: What do you WANT?

Bonky: A pic of you in return

Babe: I’m not sending you nudes, perv

Bonky: If I wanted to see you naked and be a dick about it, I could’ve asked last night, don’t worry

Bonky: But if you’ll know how I look it’s only fair I should know how you look

Babe: That sounds reasonable

Bonky: I’d say it’s a fair exchange

Babe: Fine, you first then

Bonky: If you don’t send me a pic of you afterwards babe I will stop replying, just so you know

Bonky:

Babe: Did you type super hot guy with the most beautiful eyes in the world in Google or something?

Bonky: I’m touched but no. Sam took that photo at a work event

Babe: Bitch do you really expect me to believe this is you? That looks like a guy who just stepped out of a magazine, I highly doubt I would have the luck to text him instead of my ex when drunk

Bonky:

Bonky: Are you always this annoying?

Babe: …

Bonky: What? Do you want me to take a selfie with the fucking newspaper now? I read the news online babe, I’m not getting off of this couch just so I can buy a stupid newspaper to prove it’s me

Babe: Do you have one in a suit?

Bonky: …why am I putting up with this?

Bonky: Hold on

Bonky:

Bonky: It’s been 5 minutes, are you going to reply?

Bonky: You still have to send me a picture of you though, a deal is a deal you know

Bonky: Fine, I warned you

Babe: Shit sorry

Babe: Hi Bucky, this is Natasha

Bonky: Hi Natasha. Is Y/N alright?

Babe: Uhm how should I put this?

Babe: Y/N is crying right now and she can’t reply herself

Bonky: What? What happened? Is she okay?

Babe: Oh yeah

Babe: She’s just crying because (and I’m quoting here) you’re “so beautiful, it’s like all my wet dreams and fantasies have come together. I swear this is some cosmic joke, this is not happening”

Babe: I’m not sure if she’s laughing or crying now

Babe: But she keeps yelling at me that I have to send you the most perfect picture of herself that has ever existed or you will stop talking to her

Babe: I think she started crying again because “I will never live up to that level of perfection, he told me that I have to know which fights to pick”

Babe: Uh yeah so here

Babe: 1 Photo Attached

Bonky: Hey Nat, could you tell Y/N that I would like to talk to her now?

Babe: Sure

Babe: Hey

Bonky: Baby?

Babe: Yeah?

Bonky: You picked the wrong fight if you think “you will never live up to this level of perfection”

Babe: Oh God

Bonky: Stop being an idiot

Bonky: And listen to me

Bonky: I would really like to keep talking to you. Mainly because you’re an idiot who makes me laugh, but it’s also the fact that you are the most gorgeous woman I have ever seen in my entire life

Babe:

[gayoperatorgunclub]

ULTIMATE SHIP MEME: MontaDoc Edition? Pretty please? Or any MontaDoc content. I crave it. Much 💕

of course!!!!!!! sorry this has taken so long, but i sincerely hope you enjoy it!!! 💝💝💝

General:

Rate the Ship -   Awful | Ew | No pics pls | I’m not comfortable | Alright | I like it! | Got Pics? | Let’s do it! | Why is this not getting more attention?! | The OTP to rule all other OTPs

How long will they last? - for fucking EVER!!!!!! 

How quickly did/will they fall in love? - two words: mutual. pining. this period, often referred to as the “Beginning of Operation: T.E.A.M. D.A.D.S. (Temporary Employment As Masters of Dad And Dad Sweethearts)” however, unbeknownst to anybody else in rainbow, by the time Operation: T.E.A.M. D.A.D.S. had begun, gustave and gilles had already been together for a couple of years. how did they actually get together? about six months after the GIGN joined rainbow, gustave was in the middle of a mountain of paperwork when he heard someone clear their throat. he spun around to scold whoever it was for coming to medbay when they were sick (despite the fact that he was coming down with a nasty cold), only to be greeted with gilles leaning nonchalantly against the doorframe. “gustave. you look as though you’re about to meet death for dinner. how can you expect to take care of others when you’re not taking care of yourself?” gustave just sighed and shook his head, muttering something about leaving him be for another couple hours so he could finish his paperwork, but gilles has other ideas. in mere moments, gustave goes from standing over his desk, organizing some files, to being held in gilles’ big strong arms. “wh- gilles! i-” he was cut off by his own yawn, and gilles smiled at him fondly. gustave felt himself blush, and he squirmed a little, but let gilles carry him to the GIGN quarters. as soon as it seemed like gilles was going to leave, gustave pulled him down for a kiss, then pushed their foreheads together and whispered “you’re going to carry me all this way and not even stay to make sure i don’t go back to my office?” gilles just grinned at him, climbing into bed beside him and wrapping his arms around him. 

How was their first kiss? - ROMANTIQUE! and smelling of sickness but what can you do

Wedding:

Who proposed? - monty!! he decided to cook a romantic candlelit dinner at their apartment, and when he sees gustave come home from work, all ragged and exhausted, yet still with a glimmer of determination and subtle joy, he says the first thing that comes to mind: “will you marry me?” gustave froze, his cheeks still rosy and his hair sprinkled with snowflakes. “will i what?” gilles realized his mistake and flushed, stammering a response before gustave was standing in front of him, staring at him scrutinizingly. “gilles.” he started, reaching to intertwine their hands, bring them between their chests, “what did you say?” gilles gulped, then steeled himself and got down on one knee. “gustave kateb. love of my life, light of my days. the man i want to wake up next to every day for the rest of my life. the man who i adore with every fiber of my being. would you do me the honor of being my husband?” 

Who is the best man/men? - for monty: bandit! for doc: lion (everyone but them thought it was a joke until the day of the wedding). dominic and olivier’s dual best man speech is the stuff of legends. there were tears, there was laughter, and there was an almost excessive amount of thinly-veiled sexual innuendos at various people in attendance (including both grooms; the best men were both drunk of their asses) 

Who is the bride’s maid(s)? - they actually fight over who gets to pick twitch! meanwhile rook is in the background like D: (don’t worry, it’s decided that he and twitch will be ring bearer and flower girl respectively) for monty: dokkaebi. for doc: finka 

Who did the most planning? - they both did! though gustave focused on food and flowers, and gilles focused on the guest list and the venue (but they ran things by each other before any final decisions were made)

Who stressed the most? - gilles! he was so worried about their families not getting along that he actually prepared a “leave my husband and his family alone or so help me i will never speak to you again” speech

How fancy was the ceremony? - Back of a pickup truck | 2 | 3 | 4 | Normal Church Wedding | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Kate and William wish they were this big.

Who was specifically not invited to the wedding? - gilles’ racist, homophobic, french nationalist uncle (no one in the family likes him, so it wasn’t a big loss) (this uncle also made a surprise appearance at the family dinner where gilles introduced gustave to the rest of his family, and started yelling about “godamn immigrants” and other such bigotted statements, before gilles’ sister physically dragged him out of the house and threw him out the door. afterwards, up in the guest bedroom, gilles quietly tells gustave that it’s okay if he wants to leave, or break up, or anything, and gustave just laughs and tells him that if he wasn’t prepared for family members to express their distaste, he wouldn’t be dating a white man. he pressed a kiss to gilles’ temple, before whispering “although, he was right about my being an immigrant; it’s just that i was born in Paris and immigrated with my family to algeria, not the other way around. A for effort, though”)

Sex:

Who is on top? - gilles!!!! although gustave will occassionally ride him 👀👀👀

Who is the one to instigate things? - gustave is lowkey horny 24/7, but if gilles walks in on him bending over to get something from a cabinet, or tilting his head all the way back while drinking from his water bottle, thereby showcasing the way his throat moves as he swallows, he will lose his shit 

How healthy is their sex life? - Barely touch themselves let alone each other | 2 | 3 | 4 | Once a couple weeks, nothing overboard | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | They are humping each other on the couch right now

How kinky are they? - Straight missionary with the lights off | 2 | 3 | 4 | Might try some butt stuff and toys | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Don’t go into the sex dungeon without a horse’s head

How long do they normally last? - okay i’m gonna change this one to an explanation of some things from below. i personally think doc lowkey a freak, and gilles is happy to oblige him if that’s what his lapin wants (although he’s not entirely sure how he feels about this “overstimulation” and “post-orgasm torture” and “cock & ball torture” stuff. specifically, he’s not sure he likes hurting gustave, but, while he probably won’t admit it out loud, he secretly adores making gustave cry. when he’s so helpless and powerless and mindless, and he’s begging for something, but for what he doesn’t really know. maybe it’s the knowledge that gilles is in complete control, that gustave trusts him to do this, to make him hurt and cry and just melt, the knowlege that gustave is completely reliant on him for his pleasure, his pain, and everything in between. it’s a heady thing, and gilles isn’t sure how he feels about it, but he’s pretty sure the warmth in his chest and the warmth in his gut are good signs 

Do they make sure each person gets an equal amount of orgasms? - unless they’re doing some of the things mentioned above, or mayhaps some denial 👀👀👀 then yeah, everyone gets the same. they’re very considerate when they’re just doing vanilla 

How rough are they in bed? - Softer than a butterfly on the back of a bunny | 2 | 3 | 4 | The bed’s shaking and squeaking every time | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Their dirty talk is so vulgar it’d make Dwayne Johnson blush. Also, the wall’s so weak it could collapse the next time they do it.

How much cuddling/snuggling do they do? - No touching after sex | 2 | 3 | 4 | A little spooning at night, or on the couch, but not in public | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | They snuggle and kiss more often than a teen couple on their fifth date to a pillow factory.

Children: btw, the rest of this is kinda set in a post-retirement au (idrk i just want them to have a farm and be peaceful). give it whatever context u want tho, i was just havin fun

How many children will they have? - they will have four cats and a dog, as well as 2 horses, a donkey, 5 cows, an alpaca, a rabbit, some ducks, a flock of sheep and goats, and the occasional visit from a herd of deer from the forest surrounding their little farm

How many children will they adopt? - since humans CANNOT, i repeat, CANNOT, give birth to the animals listed above, they’re all adopted

Who gets stuck with the most diapers? - no one. the animals potty train themselves

Who is the stricter parent? - gilles sneaks them treats while gustave lectures them about dietary habits, so take your pick 

Who stops the kid(s) from doing dangerous stunts after school? - whenever gilles leaves to run errands, one of the goats goes into a depression so deep and miserable that they’re utterly inconsolable until he comes back. once they hear the sound of the car in the driveway, this lil goat, lovingly named “Bastard” by gustave, will climb onto the roof of the house and scream his joy over gilles’ return to the heavens 

Who remembers to pack the lunch(es)? - they tag team on things like feeding the animals and cleaning out the barn, but gustave is much more organized about it

Who is the more loved parent? - the cats, dog, one of the horses, donkey, alpaca, rabbit, goats (except for Bastard), and deer all prefer gustave, though gilles is adequate in the event that gustave is busy with something else (although the alpaca and donkey hate his guts, and will escape their pastures to break into the house and be near gustave. gilles maintains that they’re both devil-spawn, but gustave says he’s just being dramatic and that Thamin (alpaca) and Albalatin (donkey) are complete angels who could do no wrong)

Who is more likely to attend the PTA meetings? - animals have NOT unionized. yet. 

Who cried the most at graduation? - idk if this counts, but when Bastard finally figured out how to get himself down from the roof after getting himself onto it, gilles cried for an hour

Who is more likely to bail the child(ren) out of trouble with the law? - gilles lowkey does whenever thamin and albalatin escape to go out into the world and commit crimes, but only to make sure his husband doesn’t get upset when he finds out his precious creatures are hell beasts. certainly not out of anything resembling tolerance or *shudder* like 

Cooking:

Who does the most cooking? - gustave, but gilles can make a mean bowl of cereal

Who is the most picky in their food choice? - gustave. gilles will eat something straight from the garden and gustave is like “DID YOU CHECK IF IT WAS RIPE?????? YOU COULD DIE FROM THAT YOU KNOW, THEN WHERE WOULD I BE???” 

Who does the grocery shopping? - gustave. gilles is something of a hermit in their town, and people often remark about the “sweet, kind doctor and his utter brick wall of a husband” 

How often do they bake desserts? - whenever Bastard goes a day without doing something Bastardous 

Are they more of a meat lover or a salad eater? - both lowkey prefer salad, since they care for many animals that would often get used for their meat, and they can’t bear to think about hurting any of their babies

Who is more likely to surprise the other(s) with an anniversary dinner? - gilles. the people in town helped him when he burst into the little grocery store all panicked like “I NEED TO MAKE MY HUSBAND A SURPRISE DINNER BUT I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO MAKE” 

Who is more likely to suggest going out? - gustave. gilles like being at home, but city-boy over here thinks that restaurants are a weekly luxury

Who is more likely to burn the house down accidently while cooking? - neither. it was thamin and albalatin, attempting to frame gilles for yet another felony

Chores:

Who cleans the room? - gustave. everything is color coded. sex toys included 

Who is really against chores? - gilles. gustave films him whenever he actually does clean and yells things like “go white boy go!!” and sends them to twitch for her T.E.A.M. D.A.D.S. scrapbook 

Who cleans up after the pets? - they both do, but gilles gets stuck with shit duty more often than not

Who is more likely to sweep everything under the rug? - gilles, once. gustave walked in, sniffed the air, then glared at him until he actually swept whatever it was up and threw it away 

Who stresses the most when guests are coming over? - gustave “we can’t have guests over, the house is a mess” kateb

Who found a dollar between the couch cushions while cleaning? - Bastard. he then proceeded to eat it

Misc:

Who takes the longer showers/baths? - gustave and his hour-long skincare routine 

Who takes the dog out for a walk? - gustave, bc sadiqi the dog (not to be confused with sadiqi the kitten), or Big Sadiqi (kitten sadiqi is Little Sadiqi) is his, gilles, and he will not allow his precious boy to be influenced by such creatures as Bastard 

How often do they decorate the room/house for the holidays? - they get little sweaters for the animals. that is all

What are their goals for the relationship? - joke: gustave always says “the White Man’s money” despite the fact that his family is richer than gilles’. woke: mutual happiness, comfort, and healing 

Who is most likely to sleep till noon? - gustave. after 11 am, thamin and albalatin decide they’ve had enough and break in to lay down on the bed next to him. gilles banishes himself to the couch for a week

Who plays the most pranks? - Bastard, thamin, and albalatin. although gustave did dye the sheep’s wool (while it was still attached to them) different colors and patterns and, for the ones who were perfectly content to sit still and be held, replicas of famous paintings (his favorite artist is monet, in case you forgot that he’s french)

[belphie-in-wonderland]

Wanted to ramble about somethings i’ve noticed about the bros from the game, since i’m bored. This will probably be long. 

Might hit a sensitive topic on Mammon, so heads up. 

Lucifer

Very straightforward and prideful (ofc), assumes his role of oldest brother and commands authority from his younger brothers and tends to be aggressive when they do not comply (mostly yelling unless it’s mammon) 

As shown in one of his Devilgrams, when his brothers were passed out at a party and Diavolo & Barbatos were nowhere to be seen, Lucifer showed a more joking a loving side to his brothers. He generally cares, but because of his role and status he most likely sees this as a sign of weakness to show those feelings. Diavolo, however seems to be able to catch his more subtle loving gestures to his brothers, where it would seem to others as nothing more than his usual self. 

He appears to actually hold a lot of anxiety or worry over his brothers, akin to a mother and her children. As Diavolo stated, when the mc started making pacts with his brothers one by one he was panicking from the fear of them “growing up” and not needing him. Which he showed to mc as aggression. 

Is actually really jealous over mc when others are involved and are touching or being close to them. Will start to express this by demanding something of mc (in the case of the race in the paint card, this would be not continuing the race) and he openly expresses his jealousy, though not admitting to it unless called out. His demands can be taken down with acts of affection, to which he’ll calm down and find a common ground. 

Hides any feelings of love he might have behind possessiveness. He can’t seem to admit he loves and wants someone to stay by him, so he shows this by showing possession. (IE: the pact thing) He wants greatly to make that pact with you, but he is unwilling to admit being owned by anyone. This is probably another side effect of his deal with Diavolo, the ultimate blow to his pride. But if you don’t kiss him, he actually shows to be pretty hurt (one probably wouldn’t think much of his question, but since it isn’t in his nature to care over such a thing, you can read it as hurting quite a bit)

Actually knows of the fact he’s basically Satan’s father, but treats him like a brother. Only uses that fact to piss off Satan if he feels like it.  

When he punishes Beel with a “no dinner tonight” he never means it. 

Mammon

Mammon is shown to actually be very loyal to Lucifer and respect him (i’m just going off a screenshot I saw from “The Rulebook” I haven’t really seen the whole story yet) It’s possible Mammon might have worked closely with Lucifer in the Celestial Realm, keeping him together in a way. Most likely why he’s Lucifer’s “favorite”

Mammon most likely has a form of ptsd or extreme anxiety when it comes to witches and this is mostly due to “Maddi” a very powerful witch that tried to force Diavolo to marry her. 

Maddi tricked Mammon into going home with her and when he returned to the Devildom he was in tears and he had constant nightmares after his return, moaning in his sleep and even stopped spending money for a while. Considering the context of the story it leads me to believe Mammon might have been taken advantage of by this witch.  (The Escorts Devilgram) 

Mammon seems to have abandonment issues, even if he wants to admit it or not. It’s the first time he’s felt that way about someone, the first time someone has actually been kind to him and make him laugh. (Least in the devildom) He’s scared to loose that and scared of the mc becoming bored of him. 

Mammon is a really caring older brother, but because of his greedy nature it is never acknowledged. The same could be said of his brothers, they act like they hate him by being mean to him, but they actually care a lot about him. 

Levi

Has a lot of social anxiety and when in large crowds starts to panic or get overwhelmed. 

Actually knows how to dance quite well, even as a duet. 

Enjoys playing games with his brothers, tho his use of gaming secrets tend to piss off Satan if he doesn’t know beforehand. 

Apparently can summon sea monsters. 

Is pretty good when it comes to cliche dating sim based flirting, but when confronted with actual shows of affection he’s red at the face and starts to stutter. 

Showing actual care or affection to him will easily earn you a “i love you so much” 

When sad, use something from TSL to reassure him. 

Almost broke his back trying to lift Beel once

Satan

The fact he’s handsome and has a pretty trusting demeanor when he wants to make it easy for him to deceive others.  As belphie said once, his smile had always been a lie until the body switch events happened. 

Daddy Issues (Ongoing, but Lessened) 

Is actually very caring and affectionate when in love. As the opposite of Lucifer, Satan has no problems showing his affections through kind gestures and even being open with what he wants. 

Seems to care more and be more knowledgeable on human traditions than the other brothers. As shown when all the brothers were dismissive of the mc’s sadness over no new years in the devildom, Satan takes mc on a date and organizes a proper New Years meal. 

Possessive like Lucifer, but doesn’t show it. It’s hinted that he would very much like to be mc’s “first” 

Him and Belphie share a common ground of disliking Lucifer and often team up to troll him. 

Hair and eyes are a mirror of Lucifer. Black hair/Red Eyes - Blond Hair/Blue Eyes

Seems to be a lightweight when it comes to alcohol. 

Asmo

Likes to fuck™️

Most likely has standards as to who he beds, but because of his nature is seen as very promiscuous.

A heavyweight when it comes to alcohol. 

Is an emotional drunk. 

Very confused when it comes to caring about someone over himself. He doesn’t know how to react to it, but is most likely frightened of loosing the one person who cares about them for more than his looks. 

Has a big ass bathroom. 

Has had a pact with Solomon before he came to the Devildom. The two seems to have known each other a while, as Asmo seems to know that Solomon’s food is disgusting, except to Solomon, himself. 

Likes pitch-black shortcake from Hell’s kitchen. 

Beel 

Despite being the 6th brother he seems to be stronger than any of the others physical wise. (Dunno bout Lucifer) And also has speed that compares to Mammon and Lucifer. 

Is actually really sweet and caring when it comes to those he loves. 

Belphie “being sent to the human world” hurt Beel the most. 

Tends to blame himself when something bad happens that he believe he could have stopped if he would have acted beforehand. 

Is apparently friends with most of the restaurant chefs and knows a good bit of their secret recipes.  

Isn’t allowed to cook much because he “samples” the food to the point it’s all gone, but when under supervision or has his mind set on it he is actually a good cook.

Actually pretty smart. 

Works out a lot and seems to have a checklist of things to work on. 

Arguments between him and Belphie don’t last long. 

As far as the twins of light and darkness goes & based on their beds. Beel is associated with the light & sun. 

Is the more affectionate of the twins. 

Belphie

Used to really love Lucifer when they first came to the Devildom. 

Has a very flat demeanor most of the time. 

Has a mutual partnership with Satan because of their dislike of Lucifer. 

Is the more “rational” of the twins. He tends to not let things bother him as much as Beel does and if he does have something bothering him he often addresses it eventually. 

Relationship is still estranged with Lucifer

As far as the twins of light and darkness goes & based on their beds. Belphie is associated with darkness & the moon. 

Has no problems openly flirting with the mc

Choke first, ask questions later

Probably a very good cuddler. 

[secret-engima]

nammuellyll

@secret-engima congrats, you woke the monster. ardyn in my hero academia. there. go wild.

Me: MWAHAHAHAHA. You say that like I regret it >:DDD

-Ardyn in this wakes up post The Great Stabbing and is ... more than a little annoyed. Hello. He wanted the afterlife experience. HELLO WHAT HAPPENED TO HIS DESTINY OF FADING TO COSMIC DUST.

-But no. Apparently he gets to have a “second chance” to “be a hero”.

-Just let one of the Astrals show themselves, he’ll show where to put that “second chance”-.

-Anyway. Ardyn is Ardyn, he looks like he did in canon but he’s sane again. Oddly enough he’s still got both his armiger magic, his super healing, and some of his scourge-like abilities (scary face included). He’s not corrupted tho. Ardyn isn’t sure what to make of that.

-Goes and hobos around for a while, getting used to this world and the fact that everyone looks like a storybook encounter with cursed items gone wrong. Picks up a Smol Traumatized Child that can disintegrate things with his fingers off the streets because Why Not, Let’s Both Be Homeless Together Kiddo, then in short order gets himself known as a Major Villain when he finds a trafficking ring and, since Ardyn is Not Exactly Moral Even If Arguably Sane, he slaughters them to the last man.

-Ardyn is known on the news via grainy footage that only catches glimpses of his scourge face and a lot of rumor, he laughs his head off when the ONE soundbite they manage to get from the scene leads to his being named Adagium. AGAIN. Okay he walked into that one.

-Uses the resources of the no-longer-operational trafficking ring to set up a nice restaurant bar with a secret (illegal) clinic in the back. He makes dishes exclusively from his original time period and so the food is known as very eccentric but good. Ardyn rapidly gets the wackiest duel rep in history. To the mainstream/police/pro heroes he’s a shadowy super-murderer named Adagium. To the underworld and the homeless, the quirkless and the children, Adagium is a name that means hope and shelter, healing and comfort and a monster that protects its own rather than giving meaningless promises, all in exchange for simple favors like clothes and information and school books for his child.

-Ardyn makes special one-finger gloves for Tenko so that he can touch touch stuff without worrying about destroying it. He also, at some point, picks up the rest of the not-LoV by pure happenstance. Toga comes into his clinic hunting a patient, he scolds her, puts her in time-out, then gives her a lolli with heavy iron supplement because clearly if the girl has a blood craving she needs more iron in her system. Don’t you heathens know anything about the meaning behind cravings. Spinner gets into a fight in Ardyn’s territory, Ardyn patches him up and gently informs him that if he’s going to pick fights, at least fight dirty enough to win them. Twice comes there often for a meal and company that won’t look at him funny for talking to himself, Mr. Compress is bound and determined to get Ardyn to be surprised by one of his magic tricks (never works, because unlike Compress Ardyn can do LITERAL MAGIC). Magne is not a regular, but still shows up once in a blue moon because Ardyn’s illegal clinic is probably better stocked than most legal ones at this point (people tend to trade his treatment for actual medicine and equipment, Ardyn never asks where they get it).

-Dabi is the last to be picked up. He is also how Ardyn’s increasing collection of strays first learn about Ardyn’s superhealing factor when he TAKES Dabi’s fresh, weeping burns onto himself and they heal over in minutes, leaving both of them unscarred (or mostly so, Ardyn’s skin will always have faint ripple marks where the burns were). It is also around this time that, coincidentally, people start gunning for Endeavor and trying to make his life miserable. Because Adagium hates him and is plotting to end him, so clearly that’s their cue, right?

-The rest of Endeavor’s kids vanish in the middle of the night. No one in the police or pro heroes can find them.

-Far away in a little, unnoticed restaurant bar, Dabi holds his siblings tight and promises they are never going to have to suffer That Man again. Ardyn rests gentle hands on Shōto’s face and whispers that everything will be okay even as his skin bubbles and boils into an ugly burn before healing over with the faintest scars.

-Moving on from Ardyn’s growing collection of strays (that will keep growing so keep an eye on that):

-Ardyn doesn’t get the whole quirk thing. Or the whole superhero society thing. If something needs doing and it suits him then he shall do it, none of this Symbol of Peace nonsense.

-Yes, he said nonsense. The Symbol of Peace is nonsense and only setting society up to fall apart when this All Might fellow either gets too powerful and is made to take a fall or when he finally picks a fight he can’t win.

-Ardyn says as much to Toshinori Yagi, the nice civilian man who wandered into Ardyn’s bar without knowing who is running it. The man sputters a bit and asks why he thinks so, Ardyn just laughs and laughs and laughs until there is something unnerving about the sound and Ardyn has to stop and catch his breath. Blue eyes flicker gold as Ardyn murmurs that he’s seen it happen before.

-Somehow, Toshinori thinks this strange, eccentric barkeep doesn’t mean as a bystander.

-Ardyn meets Aizawa while Aizawa is on the hunt for Adagium, they eyeball each other like wary cats before Ardyn decides that this angry hobo hero is His Now and invites the man over for food. Aizawa declines. Ardyn casually slings Aizawa over his shoulder and carts him in anyway before Aizawa can think to retaliate.

-Ardyn is highly amused to learn that Hobo Man is after the Adagium. Good luck with that, truly, best of fortune.

-So, for those of you paying attention, Ardyn’s count of Heroes He Has Adopted is officially up to 2, even if he pretends not to notice the first one (pretends. Because he knows exactly who Toshi is, come ON it’s not that hard, they have the same voice and smile and everything).

-Ardyn’s kids grow up with his scathing political commentary and one foot in both legal and illegal worlds. Some of them (Tenko, Dabi, Toga, Spinner) decide that they’re gonna make a League to show the world how dumb its being. A League of Villains! (”League of Vigilante’s sounds more appropriate for your chosen activities, Tenko Mine-” “VILLAINS. WE ARE VILLAINS NOW.” “Alright then, will all villains in the room please wash up for supper?”)

-Ardyn finds Hitoshi and decides he’s not quite qualified for this one.

-Aizawa wakes up from another rare session of being black-out to find Ardyn cheerfully tearing up his apartment to make it more “child suitable”. Child WHAT. Child suitable. For your child.

-MY WHAT.

-Ardyn calmly holds out the adoption papers that have Aizawa’s signature on all of them, perfectly legible because the man is a little too good at pretending he isn’t stone drunk, and then gestures to the sad-eyed, skeptical boy with purple hair in the corner. Ardyn smiles (reads: threatens with killing intent) and says that he’s sure Aizawa will take his new responsibilities seriously (read: you’d better or you’re next on my hitlist).

-Aizawa, never one to go back on his word, has a kid now I guess.

-Shōto comes home one day with a bby Izuku in tow and Ardyn is charmed beyond all words over the boy. He’s so Smol! And Smart! Lookit his little brain firing away! Upon hearing the boy is developing All The Esteem Issues because of his bullying and quirklessness, Ardyn stares off into space for a long time, acknowledges that he’s a sap, and then soothingly tells Izuku that some quirks just come in late, why, Ardyn’s came in late too! Just give it a few days. Then he pats Izuku on the head and uses the motion to disguise the teeny tiny fragment of magic he splits off from his own and gives to this boy who deserves better.

-Izuku comes back two days later, crying for joy and with sparkling green magic dripping from his fingertips. Ardyn exclaims in “surprise” over the similarity of their quirks and offers to teach him. Izuku accepts and after some sweet-talking to Inko, Ardyn gets to mold this tiny genius boi as he pleases to both be proud of himself and his “quirk” AND to fight quirkless as much as possible because “tactics, my boy, take them by surprise!”

-Also then he figures out that he didn’t just lend Izuku magic because this world is funky like that, he genuinely gave it away which counts as LC adoption rituals so OOPS GUESS WHO HAS A BLOOD SON NOW.

-Oh well.

-Toshi and Izuku get along like a house on fire whenever Toshi comes over for a hot meal and Ardyn is pretty content with his brood and his handiwork against Endeavor (who by this point has been exposed as an abuser and put in jail for a long time HAH). Toshi ... pointedly doesn’t ask why several of his kids look like Endeavor. Nope. Not asking. They get their red hair from Ardyn, clearly.

-Of course, all of this casual wrecking of canon attracts the attention of AfO, who is not happy about the competition. He shows up at one point, all suave and intimidating because he is immortal and older than anyone alive and smarter too and-

-Ardyn laughs in his face.

-Baby.

-Bby playing at immortal.

-You think two centuries or so makes you hot stuff? You think stolen quirks makes you special? You think you can come into Ardyn’s territory and threaten his kids and get away with it because you’re ... a little older than the average human being? Ardyn leans close and smiles as AfO tries and fails to steal a quirk that doesn’t exist to be stolen, his Scourge face leaking into existence as he purrs that AfO should’ve minded his own business a little more than he minded others.

-AfO came prepared for a quirk. He did not come prepared for the combined might of 2k year old LC magic and abilities of a Scourge the world has never, and will never, see.

-It’s not even a fight.

-Adagium makes the news again when a body is found hanging from a high tower, torn apart as if by dozens upon dozens of blades, the corpse pinned in place by a spear that dissolves into red sparks upon the police touching it, leaving behind only a note that gets leaked to the media and goes viral.

-Dear World, refrain from touching my stuff, and you won’t end up like this man. Sincerely, Adagium.

-Not the most menacing letter until you considering the delivery method.

-Toshinori has to sit there and have a Moment upon the news that the man who murdered Nana is already dead by someone else’s hand and they have no idea when the fight went down. Because surely there was a fight, right? AfO had been centuries old and with dozens upon dozens of quirks. Who could possibly have brought him down when Nana, the then-wielder of OfA could not???

-Ardyn gently pats Toshi’s shoulder through the breakdown. There there. I’m sure you’ll figure out the culprit eventually, you’re a smart man Toshi. There there.

-Also Kurogiri shows up not long after that entire debacle looking for a new job because his old one got murdered and Adagium seems like an efficient dude. Ardyn is always happy for more hands on deck in wrangling the kids, and this one has warping powers. Welcome aboard Kurogiri.

[seduceme-lovestruck-thearcana]

@megatraven

Here’s some Alex related thoughts/ideas that are STUCK IN MY BRAIN;;;;

I still,,,can’t get over how Alex ran through a storm with MC in their arms,,the fate of their mom and Olympus sorta on their shoulders...but all they were thinking about was MC,,and how they HAVE to keep her safe,,,no matter what...

AND how Alex has only slowed down for MC,,ALL their life...and I’m still wondering what Aphrodite meant by “slowed down”. Does she mean MC is the only one Alex has ever stared at when they’re sober and drunk?? MC is the one that could literally pull on their ear (like a mom would) and yell at them (jokingly) about something they did,,,and they’d laugh at it?? MC is the only one Alex would truly listen to? MC is the only one Alex would die to protect? MC is the only one Alex has ever been in love with?

Does she know that MC is the main reason as to why Alex lives? Without her, it’s implied that they don’t know what they’d be doing,,they don’t know where they’d be...and that they don’t know how they’d live. And I wonder if Aphrodite looks at their love in awe. Like she’s lived for so long, and she’s seen so many types of love,,,and she’s just in love with THIS love. And it’s why when MC is under attack for becoming Hera...she was Scared. I doubt a goddess has anything to be afraid of, but her human friend (that’s almost a DAUGHTER to her) that she truly cares for and is the lover of her beloved child? She fears for her life and...imagine if MC died.

Imagine if Aphrodite was in the throne room and watched as Zeus shot his aura at her and watched as her body hit the ground...dead. She would have nightmares forever. She already had enough nightmares about MCs mom,,but now MC herself? It’d take her so long to truly move on or maybe she never will. Because she looks at her beloved child, Alex, and it’s always a reminder of what they both lost that day.

Okay now off the angst train...:).

Imagine that Alex tried to find love before MC. I seriously think they did. Well, mainly bc I think it’s canon that they’re not a virgin and idk👀. And ya know what,,,every partner they find looked like MC. When they started dating MC, they realized that and felt very embarrassed at that realization. MC would realize it too and MC would feel very special and love Alex even more 🥺.

Imagine MC spanking Alex’s ass at random times and they are still in Shock everytime it happens and if you think it stops when they have Jason,,,YOU ARE WRONG. She does it more then just to prove to Alex that no,,,she’s not THAT old yet >:))).

Alex at the end of the day,,,is the most softest person. Are they kinky sometimes?? YES. But do they want to give MC the most attention and make sure that she KNOWS she’s loved?? YES.

The fact that Alex really knew what love was when they met MC,,HITS ME DEEP AND MAKES ME JUST,,LOVE THEM MORE BC THEYRE A KID!! BUT THEY JUST FELL IN LOVE WITH HER🥺🥺AND WANTED TO KEEP HER SAFE NO!! MATTER!! WHAT!!

I imagine that Whenever MC is sad or has given up, Alex will sit up with her or do whatever she wants just to help her. If she’s not ready to talk then that’s fine. If she is, then they’re all ears. If she wants a cuddle, they’ll hold her as tight as she wants. If she wants something to eat, they’ll order something or ACTUAL TRY TO MAKE HER FOOD.

Imagine,,Alex when they were a kid,,accidentally letting their aura out and MC is so fascinated. She’s never seen a stag and doe this close so she wants to hug them and play with them. Alex lets her do it (and they join in too) and when she gets tired...Alex and her lean up against the stag and the doe snuggles up to them and they’re just,,,both so warm and are together and iTS JUST SO SWEET. Aphrodite finds them like that and she’s ljke “oh my GODS. My sweet babies🥺”. And the trio (Aphrodite Hades and MCs mom) love it and talk about it whenever they can bc it’s PRECIOUS.

Imagine someone asking why Alex loves MC. Not in a rude way, but just curious. And they look at that person and they are speechless. But they say everything they love about her.

How she’s stubborn.

How she never gives up on someone.

How she loves THEM.

How she messes up the coffee EVERYTIME DNWNW.

How she works so hard to prove herself.

How she runs her hands through their hair when they’re stressed.

How she sings them songs that she learns.

How she wants to learn Greek to be a little closer to them and because she’s just curious.

How she makes fun of them in a loving way.

How she cares about them so much.

How she makes mistakes and wants to fix them.

How she sings SO PERFECT,,how it’s like a Siren.

And the list goes ON AND ON AND ON. The person eventually says “ALRIGHT YOU LOVE HER >:(“.

Alex still gets valentines things at H.E.R.A,,,and imagine some of them being very suggestive and still saying how they love Alex even tho they know that they’re in love with MC. And they just laugh at them,,because they know MC gives them the BEST prize at home,,,Lemon Cookies >:))). And so much love that they could never replace or even just,,find anywhere else.

When Alex and MC have Jason,,Jason starts to laugh and he starts to grow. He starts to be kind to everyone and wants everyone to be happy and people believe it’s bc of the family is happy and great,,,but Alex just sees MC in a smaller form bc they just truly believe MC is one of the sweetest people in THE WORLD. They just believe Jason’s sneaky side is bc of MC. Jason’s so wholesome laugh is bc of MC. You think Alex’s genetics (and Aphrodites) is mainly in Jason?? HAH. Alex has other opinions on that subject👀.

Alex wants a little girl to have an actual little MC🥺🥺.

Alex likes taking showers with MC because they find it relaxing. Not to do anything sneaky, but bc they like to run their hands through her hair, hold her from behind, and just feel at peace with her. It makes them both happy and Alex just LIVES FOR THAT DJNWNS.

Alright yeah that’s all I have for right now bc it’s almost 1 am and I just NEEDED to get it off my chest and probably will have more tomorrow. So yeah hope you enjoyed this and hope you’re still awake to see it :))).

Not a lot of proof reading so forgive me if there’s mistake :’(.

[demonicintegrity]

oKAY heres the details on that depressing Devildice human highschool au i made with a friend back around 2017/2018. Kinda a mess so bare with me. long post with themes of abuse, depression, and other nasty stuff.

- Lucifer Angelo grew up in a pretty bad place in Texas. The details werent fleshed out other than that it was a pretty ignorant place.

- The important fact of the matter is that his dad (who we never did settle on a name for lol) was a Christian preacher. Charismatic man, but an absolute shithead to Lucifer. Even with his other kids he was strict and pushed his ideals and plans onto them. Also had a temper and a loud voice.

- Preacher Angelo was once a pretty alright man, although very self-centered and was pretty condensing. He had a marriage early on in his life and had a few kids, named after archangels. Marriage fell through, and he starts drinking and moves on the next one a bit after. Have a couple more sons named after archangels. It also falls apart. On number 3? he has the final sons to complete his arch angel themed kids. At first it was just in honor/inspired by the angels and his Christian lifestyle, tho i think around the second marriage is where he just started getting delusional and started thinking himself as godlike and thought his sons will spread his word and whatever. Needlessly to say, his partners once they found this out went :/ and it went downhill from there.

- Man we really just took every flaw and worse thing to have in a parent and shoved it into this bastard lmao

- Lucifer was actually the product of an affair within his final marriage. Ofc cheating was a dealbreaker and they divorced. The girl he was cheating with stuck around a little bit, but died in childbirth due to complications. Thus he was left with this child that wAs BoRn FrOm SiN so he named him Lucifer. He would be his son of sin while his other sons would be Perfect People. (Even though they and their mothers started to want nothing to do with him lmao)

- He got by and took care of Lucifer decently but because this was an AU of Angst(TM) Preacher Dickhead became an alcoholic, had money troubles over time because economy troubles or whatever, and took out his temper on his son more and more. Luci was taken to church every Sunday by his dad.

- Kingsley Dyce was born in Lousiana to his parents Patrick and Fahri. We had a whole separate story for Fahri’s family and how they met, it was cute but that’s completely irrelevant right now. They lived modestly and were technically stable but there wasn’t always extra money for fun stuff and there were times were they were just getting by, but they never let Kingsley onto it.

- Kingsley (nicknamed King or KD by his friends) was a pretty cool kid. Had fun in Louisiana despite being a bit flamboyant and full of himself, made good friends. His relationship with his parents were fairly okay. He was a total mama’s boy, loves his mother to death and would do anything for her. As he became a teen his relationship with his father got a bit more strained because Patrick was a very Traditional person and into his teenage hood Kingsley had a habit of dancing not-so-masculine or modestly. He also was getting into makeup.

- Stepping back tho, as a kid he was in the church choir. His family is Catholic and his parents took him to church every Sunday. His favorite activity was to rollerskate. He and his friends were always skating to each other’s houses or skating at the rink. Skating, video games, and singing was his life.

- During his 6/7th grade his family moved to Maryland because of a job opportunity. King was suuuupper bummed. Maryland isn’t like Louisiana at all so there was an adjustment curve. Despite that, he didn’t have a hard time make friends. (insert humanized casino crew here)

- Side note: KD had a tooth gap as a kid and got braces during middle school to correct it. It gave him a lisp. He also had glasses and a questionable sense of fashion throughout middle school. This isn’t super relevant but its important to me that you can imagine this kid as the doofus he was. He also was roughly at an average height.

- In 8th grade there was a new kid that came into his class; Lucifer. Luci’s dad had also moved to Maryland for a job. Despite his entire class wondering what the hell was this southern emo kid’s problem, he wasn’t overtly bullied, just ignored. KD however, was intrigued by this asshole and made it his goal to figure out his issue and be all up in his business.

- Luci is currently dealing with some of his hardest years here. In Texas he had a hard time making friends, was bullied, and wasnt surrounded by the best sort of people. His abuse was getting worse as his father struggled more and more, and the move wasn’t the greatest fix considering he was still drinking and getting himself into debt. Luci didn’t care about school nor about life in general.  But then this asshole waltz into his life and boy golly was he feeling things about it.

- The relationship at first just KD latching onto Luci and talking to him about any and everything and trying to drag him around town. Slowly, Lucifer began to be amused by this jerk and his friends. He also didn’t live too far away so KD was able to easily bike to his place even though he never wanted KD over.

- KD picked up on the abuse Luci was going through, and honestly didn’t know to confront it. At first it was just sharing food cuz Luci wouldn’t eat and chatting to him because he got uncomfortable seeing Luci alone with head down all the time. Eventually he talked to his mom about it and the two of them kept inviting Luci over. Fahri became the mom Luci never had and Patrick despite working long hours and extra shifts, would take time to give Luci practical lessons and be a better masculine figure in his life. Luci was slowly being given a family but he also was pulling away from it. He was in the midst of a depression and he was pretty mean to everyone to deal with it, and pulled to himself more as he began to love KD and his family. The new friendships doesn’t cure depression, nor was it helpful against abuse.

- TW under break for more details of abuse, neglect, depression, and suicide

- His abuse was verbal and physical. He got yelled at for being a failure, yelled at because he didnt care about school, drunk his fathers booze, got into trouble and lashed out. He got beat for back talking and whenever the drunk asshole wanted to fight with him. It had been going on for years. He was also neglected pretty bad. Food wasn’t super plentiful in the house, he lived on fast food and luci didnt know how to cook. There was more booze in fridge than food. Power/water would sometimes not be on if his father forgot about certain bills. It was bad.

- Some time during this 8th grade year he also developed a crush on KD, he didnt voice it because his dad was homophobic as shit but also because he certainly didnt know how to navigate love and didnt want to ruin his relationship with KD. So he repressed it.

- Also during this 8th grade year Luci tried to commit suicide. He had texted KD before hand too, with some note that boiled down to he cared a lot about KD but couldnt stand anything in the world/his dad/bringing KD down/whatever and it was obviously a suicide note. KD freaked out and immediately got his ass over there, kicked down the door, and found Luci in his dad’s room with his dad’s gun to his head. I don’t think we ever settled on the details of the situation but it was traumatizing for both individuals to say the least.  KD was able to talk him out of it.

- That incident made them inseparable. Luci never had someone care for him like that, cry for him like that. KD had grown attached and close enough to consider him his best friends, the incident only solidify his want to make his best friend’s life better. It was a rough few months after that and KD was sworn to never tell his parents what happened.

- TBH that was about the worse of it, this was an high school AU and high school became a bit better for them in certain regards. KD got his braces off, got contacts, and had one helluva growth spurt going into HS. Luci went deep into a punk-emo phase his freshman year which killed his fashion, but was slowly becoming a bit more confident in himself. KD and his parents were able to help him a lot. Emotional support, practical life lessons, and food was always a given.

- Its a bit of an up and down throughout high school. KD gets into makeup, heels, dancing, and bisexuality and it causes a major strife with him and his dad who wanted a “real” son. The relationship went through major struggles and would take a couple years to really heal.

- Luci struggles a bit with drinking and deals drugs and booze to get his own spending money. He starts somewhat taking his school seriously, but even though he does work in class he doesnt always do homework or projects and whatnot. He has a habit of physically intimidating other students and occasionally tries to pick fights.

- The “casino gang” also have their own things going on. If a recall correctly, Wheezy was also in a neglectful house, Pip and Dot ( ??? and Dorothy) were twins from a wealthy well off family but were ignored and were terribly bratty, Piroeutta was just an quiet Russian outcast, Mango had 7 siblings and no space to himself and who was bullied for his large off-putting appearance, Chips was just loud, and i completely forgot what everyone else’s deal was. KD and Luci mainly hung out with Chips, Piro, Pip, and Dot. They were still pretty close to the others but those four were the only ones they regularly hung out with at lunch and outside of school.

- There are a couple things that could happen throughout high school. My personal fav i can remember is a particular angst with KD trying to get with another dude and Luci being Upset and lashing out at him at a party result and ugh that scenario was angsty but also turned very cute???

- Regardless, when they do get together they’re unstoppable tbh.

- and yes, the gang would readily throw hands with anyone who said shit. Barely any of them care about suspensions.

- I kinda forget a bit of stuff. I know misc. scenarios here and there both fluffy and angsty, but this post is already long enough lmao so feel free to hit up my ask box with any questions/comments. I dont really think Ill come back to this au?? If i do Im gonna edit a ton of stuff because looking back certain themes and scenarios seem borderline insensitive and/or poorly thought out. I did found a fic of this au on my phone with KD and Luci as adults tho and Im v tempted to rewrite some of it and finish it because it was good.

[choconanime]

Messy tidbits about Choco and Ban

Take it with a grain of salt,I always update my ocs but for now here are a few thing's I thought about them.

Choco:

While shes very friendly,she doesn't spoil just about anyone or everyone that's reserved for people she fond off.

Theres not many people she show's her negative emotions and even those people she trust Choco still rejects showing what she consider pathetic,preferably doesnt want to.

Has very little self worth(Tries to hide it,keyword:Tries)

You heard of the character's who are "Everything to easy and I lost motivation to try harder" well get ready for "Everything to hard and I lost motivation to try harder",because that's her.

Yes she is afraid of cats.

Her parents are human and is unknow by her parents why shes half fae now.

"I'm so unmotivated but my curiosity n people are what keep me going even if it's for a bit."

Has no real reason to be in this college aside from curiosity and wanting to get away.

Tea gets her drunk

Has a snarky n competitive side but that's reserved to those she sees as siblings.

Naturally talks loud n is very extra in her movements.

Moody

Her sleep walk ability has get her in more trouble shes willing to admit.

"Hahaha dying is bad,what's bad the injury not the dying part",yeah she lost any sence of fear of dying long ago.

Hates n love winter,loves it bc of the holidays but hates it bc of how weak she get.

If theres no people she care about around her presence become so hard to detect that sometimes strangers forget shes there,not like she mind it let's her sleep.

Speaking of sleeping,she sleep just about anywhere so long shes warm n feels comfortable.

Has a huge scar on her stomach,sometimes shes unavailable to attend class because of the pain.

Plant,sleep and healing is her focus magic with the bonus flying but shes not naturally good at it she burned her ass off to be good at it.

Likes decorating parties or rooms.

Ban:

His hair grows freakishly fast,but he always cut it because it gets in a way.

Was teach that anything that pisses you off punch it

Yeah hes learning that isnt always a good idea.

Recently got adopted to a family and their the reason hes here.

Dont want to fail them,his family are know to be top bodyguards and know for their magical knowledge so hes following their tracks.

Loyal to Riddle but is not blind trust,though he never had said no to him.

Loves sour and burned food.

His saliva can heal wounds to a certain extend but it mainly used to cure his own special poison his race has.

Used to have several blood siblings,their all gone now.

He really doesn't like talking, prefers listening.

He is awkward when talking anyways unless hes piss off

Doesn't get complicated emotions like love

In human form he doenst mind baths or showers,in his full form he hates them.

Doesn't like people who often get in trouble or are competitive.

Comfortable with people who are more laid back and shatty tho.

His magic focus on poison and buffs

He really hates talking classes that aren't P.E

Dislike his formal outfits, like with a passion.

Doesn't have many people he consider friends,companions?yes,friends?Barely any.

Cannot read people intentions very well so some heartslabyul students take advantage to prank him.

Doesn't like to sleep.

Hahaha gonna keep it here~Theres so much I can ramble but knowing myself,is preferably I don't say mayor facts right of the bat~♡

[phantom-mizero]

In my opinion there is always one character on the good-side of every pmd game that does some really bad things that are sometimes even worse than what the bad-side in the games do. Gates to Infinity: Many Pokémon have problems stemming from depression in this game and the one thing that is actually bad is Espeon entrusting the Entercards to a child. It is the most understandable of the bunch, but so many things could have gone wrong if Munna and her gang would have found out. Espeon apologizes and I can forgive the thing because it was a tense moments after a long chase, but still. Rescue Team Blue/Red: Team ACT or more specifically Alakazam. From the first time Alakazam sees Hero he knows that they are a human and makes vague statements that can be interpreted that he knows about either the future or about the Ninetales Legend. Not to mention that he sends Hero and Partner to Xatu, which confirms this even more. Team ACT is regarded as at least one of the best teams on the continent, which also doesn't have to mean a thing, because they are just on par with Hero Partner and Absol. All of this makes Alakazam and his Team seem rather pretentious and arrogant, not to mention that Alakazam specifically doesn’t want to tell Hero any of the things he knows so they can enjoy life here more. I do not understand Alakazam’s reasons or why he isn’t even telling the Pokémon of Pokémon Square, who are literally rallying against Hero anything that he knows. Alakazam infuriates me a lot. Explorers of Darkness/Time/Sky: Chatot with his shady business practices and bad leadership skills, which makes him rather unsuited for his position. I am not mad that the guild takes a rather large sum of your earnings, but the fact that Chatot doesn’t tell you this a) upfront and b) for what it’s used is really bad. You can only guess where all the money is going to. Literally any workplace would tell you this upfront, or at least when you get the job. Wigglytuff believes in second chances, which I adore, but that makes him bad to approach for things like Team Skull, so you should go to his Assistant Chatot, who doesn’t take you serious for insulting a known explorer team, even if what you say is the truth. After you have no Perfect Apple’s he doesn’t even give Partner and Hero a chance to explain why, he just shuts them up, cancels their dinner and wants to present them as the scapegoats for when he doesn’t even know why one of their best new teams didn’t make it. Canceled Dinner also means that they would go two days while working without any food except dungeon rations, which would be kept as such, because you only have limited storage and aren’t guaranteed to find or buy extra food. The other apprentices sharing some food with Hero and Partner is not only precious but could have kept them from fainting in the dungeon the next day. Not only is all this bad leadership, but also extremely dangerous for someone who’s under an older more experienced persons guidance who want’s to learn their trade. I also don’t think that Wigglytuff knew about this, nor about the next point. On the night after the incident he tells you that you shouldn’t hope to be on the big expedition. Not only is this a dick move, but he is also just the assistant of Guildmaster Wigglytuff. Chatot can not, in anyway, make a decision like that or even tell you this because he is not the leader of this Guild and does not decide such things. He also wanted to say something, when he read Partner and Hero’s names, but knows enough about Wigglytuff that he doesn’t. On the Expedition he get’s mad when you are “too late”, even tho your whole Team is made out of new recruits and probably got lost on the way for a bit. Additionally there is extra dialog when you take the wrong path that leads you around back to the camp, so he want’s to hear your good news, because you came back, but you have none, so gets even madder about it insisting you go back in again. You don’t have to talk with Chatot after Azurill and Marill ask you to get their item for them back, but if you do he insists that, no, you can’t take the day off, because they are already understaffed. Gee whiz, I sure wonder why?! I sure do wonder why everyone turns their backs on this guild after they found out how badly this place is run. He recaps what Hero and Partner did after they came back to the guild from the bad future, before he makes fun of them, basically calling them crazy, doing a 180, when he gets accused of not trusting them for telling the truth and ends up laugh-crying out of sheer desperation because this is the first time he got backed into a corner for being really shitty to anyone because he is in a position of power. Wigglytuff assigns Chatot to look after the guild, but more importantly Hero and Partner on the mission were a bunch of dangerous criminals await them. He insist that they shouldn’t drag him down, before running after Team Skull, when he finally realizes that they’re thiefs and going even further without Hero and Partner and running into said criminals. At that point I do not care that he protects them from the criminals first attack, because he lost any loyalty or trust I ever had in him quite awhile ago. PSMD: Ampharos is an overall bad leader, who and lies and betrays Hero and Partner more than the actual bad guys of this pmd game – which is something. Ampharos sets out to Serene Village without telling anyone, with his terrible sense of direction, which makes him bumble around like he’s drunk in unknown locations. When Partner asks if he works for the Expedition Society, he declines and after getting to their base in Lively Town he says that he doesn’t work for them, because they work for him. He admits them in the Expedition Society actually as full members, but tells them that they’re only Junior members, making that up on the spot, while NOT telling ANYONE in the Society about ANY of this! He sends you off to wake Jirachi up, but does not tell you that Jirachi sleepfights anyone who tries that and acts surprised afterwards that you look as if you were just in a boss fight. This was also in a library with precious books and equipment to study astronomy, including a large and important telescope. They do a big expedition to the volcano and every member, except Hero and Partner, get told that Entei lives there, so they need to be careful. So he decides to let Buizel watch over them, because what are the chances of them getting to the peak first!? Espurr plays double agent in the late game for both sides, but I am 100 % sure that Ampharos tells her to not say anything about that to Hero and Partner so their reaction are genuine and they can bust in a few minutes later anyway to look heroic. The outcome is just that I trusted no one but Partner at this point. I was even convinced that Lapras and the shopkeepers where in on it. There is also the post-game where you only want Partner back after a really long fetch quest were it turns out that Ampharos with Xatu and Mawhile came up with a dumb kidnapping plot, with the reason that Dark Matter is still in Mew and Nuzleaf and the Beheeyem trying to get rid of it, which would erase Mew from existence. That is contradicted by Partner’s words when they disappear and the real reason that Mew is sick is because Partner was still, in a way, alive in them, but could only be brought back if Hero had strong enough emotions for them otherwise they would disappear. Ampharos is someone irresponsible and incredibly childish with a hero complex, while having negative communication skills. Yet he is quite manipulative, while he lies and withholds important information to the rest of the Expedition Society. There is also a line of dialogue where he talks about not wanting to ruin it this time, referencing that he most likely took in children in the Society before, which didn’t work out so well. The whole Expedition Society jokes about leaving because they see all of his flaws, but I actually want them to kick Ampharos out. He rather hatches big convoluted plans, not telling anyone about them, than talking something out and making plans actually with them. Literally anything that he does wrong can be fixed by talking to someone, telling them his plans and what he wants to do.

[gunkyengines]

4, 7, and 9, for the s/i questions if you're still taking them!

Ohhhh my gods @jetsetspy I’m so sorry for answering this question so late ;-; My answers are under the cut!

4. Does your insert have a backstory? Tell us about it! How does their backstory, if any, define who they are? How does it reflect their relationships now? Their hopes and dreams?

Bellamy Amplexus – Final Fantasy XV SI

Bellamy doesn’t have much of a backstory just yet, but I do know this:

·         Their family isn’t a huge part of their life, aside from a younger sibling, who, to this day, I have not yet named.

·         They want a sense of belonging somewhere, and have a number of self-image complications (it’s not really a set of “issues” to them, because they’ve found comfort in their body and self over time, but they still have wishes about what they could be seen as—androgyny is a tough line to straddle).

·         They hate the nickname “Bella”.

·         Bells, as far as I’m concerned right now, finds their sense of belonging amongst the ‘Bros ever since they just sorta started… tagging along, I guess? It was just an act of good will from the prince and his guards and a bit of hitchhiking on Bells’ end that got them where they are now.

·         They were originally a bit of a vagabond prior to meeting up with the guys. Hitchhiking, walking absurdly long distances, camping out often, all that jazz.

Junko Hisayo – Persona 5 SI

Junko is a character who I largely based off of my late-high school self for both self insertion and coping reasons, but a few things do set her apart from me. As in, she’s a pretty close approximation, but by no means is she a direct, direct copy of me.

She’s a student at Kosei Academy, simply due to the fact that I read on the wiki that it’s speculated to be a catholic school (I was brought up in the catholic education system, so, I could find some accuracy and likeness in that), and attended meetings at both the drama and art club there. She has bitter memories of the two clubs, as she was betrayed by the one major figure in both: her childhood friend Hideo Sunjaya. Since then, she’s taken to expressing her creative outlets in circles outside of her student life, and finds her passion in writing. At the time of Persona 5 canon, she’s set on becoming an editor. In the future canon, she does in fact achieve this goal. In this way Junko’s less of a model of who I was, and instead she’s what I hope to be.

She comes from a somewhat broken home, but has a strong relationship with her mother. Despite her current disconnect, Junko feels that she owes it to her parents that she has such a good understanding of her own identity, as they were supportive when she first came out as sapphic, and continued their support when she decided to be GNC and soon after came into her identity as a demigirl.

Elizabeth Beaufort – Red Dead Redemption 2 SI

Lizzie is a pretty lighthearted simulacrum of a more feminine version of me, translated loosely into the scope of the year 1899. I’m by no means a historian, but here’s Lizzie’s life.

Elizabeth Beaufort is a born and raised resident of the town of Valentine. Her mother is whatever the RDR2 universe’s equivalent of Quebecois French is, having moved to Saint Denis due to a family matter down there, and subsequently met her father. A Valentine resident himself, he beguiled her mother and convinced her to move to Valentine and live as the wife of a livestock owner (he comes from some blue blood ‘round those parts—as mentioned by the VDL in Chapter 2, the town is a goldmine of trade).

As a lady of relative privilege, life was… well, it was what a privileged life is. Sheltered, simple, and for the most part pretty damned easy. However, her naivete wasn’t something that her mother would stand to see Elizabeth keep, as she wanted a strong daughter who wouldn’t simply bend to the hand of tradition. Would I say that Lizzie would’ve most certainly rallied with those girls in Rhodes? YES. I’d rather die than portray any iteration of myself as complacent rather than progressive lmao. Elizabeth Beaufort flows in the vein of RDR2’s… I guess, progressive* writing? More** on that below, I guess???

*I don’t actually know how well it was received by everyone else, and honestly, I’m not even gonna try to speak on anyone else’s behalf but my own—I found that RDR2, despite some shortcomings, made itself a relatively hospitable environment for me as a white queer.

** Lizzie does struggle a lot with her internalized homophobia? Like… she had a lot of difficulty when she was younger coming to terms with the fact that she’s bisexual. This is less prevalent in her backstory considering it only ever surfaces post-canon. Yes, my SI and her FO came out to each other at random after being married to him for approximately 3 months. And it went fuckin’ great cos guess what!! Theyre both bi!! WLW/MLM solidarity!!! Don’t @ me.

Gillian Wright – Red Dead Redemption 2 SI

·         Gilley was brought up amongst a gang of outlaws, and her being born a woman changed nothing about the things she was taught by said gunslingers. She left the group she once called family because of the leadership turning sour. From that point forward she went it alone, shifting in and out of her identity as Gilley Wright and her masculine persona (a pseudonym-turned-identity) Giles Kingsley, to keep herself straddling notoriety and anonymity.

·         Gilley only started wearing her hair short because of an encounter in which her longer hair was used as a means to pull her back into harm’s way. She lopped it off shortly after out of the feeling that it was a necessity, but soon found that she preferred it that way.

·         Thaddeus, her large draft horse, once pulled carts. She took him during a robbery so that she’d have an adequate mount for her getaway. The connection was instant between them.

Taeko Atou – Tokyo Ghoul OC

Taeko went by another name before her time in the 20th ward. She had another face, another life. But that was a self she had to leave far, far behind. Before “Taeko”, she was a reckless twentysomething ghoul living off of her father’s money, basking in the upper echelons of society, indulging in Scrapper shows and seeing humanity as nothing but an unprepared buffet. The danger ranking on her CCG profile demonstrated as much.

One night, however, her cushy life changed drastically. She went out drinking after a Scrapper show with one of her friends and decided to go hunting with her. Things were as usual, they stayed in their territory, but ended up getting apprehended by a group of Doves. During the getaway, her and her friend were separated, and she had no way of knowing whether her friend was alive. Drunk, desperate, and rather terrified, she decided to abandon all else and ripped her mask off to taunt the officers. They deserved to see her face, covered in gore and as ghoulish as they came! Nothing mattered to her at that point and she wanted to give them a scare…!

That is, until the next morning, when she recovered from her hangover and realized what she’d done. One of those Doves got a picture of her. In a panic, she called her father to ask for some sort of mercy money to clear the issue up. He’s frustrated with her constantly getting into increasingly worse trouble and tells her this: he’s going to pay for her to completely change her identity and her face so that she can move elsewhere, completely out of the way of harm. After that, he’d be cutting her off, leaving her with only the savings that she had prior to the cut-off. No more handouts.

This is when she became Taeko Atou, a pseudonym based off of her Scrapper show guest alias, “Miss AT”, and moved to the 20th ward. She has to adjust to average life a la Schitt’s Creek or Arrested Development.

7. What kind of clothing style do they like? What would they never be caught dead wearing? What’s likely in their closet right now?

Bellamy Amplexus – Final Fantasy XV SI

·         Bells LOVES anything that’ll make them look cute and androgynous. They’re super partial to a femme prince aesthetic. Blouses and linens and vests and suspenders and a bunch of that cute shit. (Yes, this is my preferred fashion style and I wish I could look like that all the time.) They’re also into stuff like your average sundresses and such when it’s too hot for “princey” attire because hell yeah.

·         They’d hate to wear… hm… short party dresses? Cocktail dresses n shit. (No shade to those tho theyre cute. Just not Bellamy’s style.)

Junko Hisayo – Persona 5 SI

·         Junko’s super masc and butch in her presentation, binds her chest, does the simple graphic tee + jeans thing a lot. Think “Kanji Tatsumi but a lesbian”.

·         She lowkey doesn’t like wearing overly feminine clothes, like, she does not vibe with dresses.

Elizabeth Beaufort – Red Dead Redemption 2 SI

·         Lizzie is pretty standard when it comes to clothes: blouses and skirts, dresses, all just… really basic stuff. She likes simple and solid colours, maybe simple patterns. She’s also like… very cottagecore. Probably likes overalls if she ever wears ‘em?? I’m not a frickin’ historian and I’m not gonna google early 1900s clothes styles at this hour don’t @ me.

·         This is literally just because I’m basic as all fuck and I like a skirt/blouse or sundress style outfit. I don’t wear it often but that’s my jazz y’know?

Gillian Wright – Red Dead Redemption 2 SI

·         Gilley’s another one of my more boyish characters. She doesn’t deliberately go out of her way to look like a man unless she’s under the guise of her male persona Giles Kingsley. But let me tell you—she goes all out for those occasions, even electing to simulate stubble on her face with cosmetics. Think “cowboy drag king” and you’ll hit the mark.

·         Other than that, she just wears whatever’s convenient and comfortable.

 9. Their favorite foods? Colors? Activities? What do they enjoy in life? How do they express their joy for things they like?

As dumb as this sounds I completely burnt out after writing only 2 self insert likes/interests profiles, forgive me lol.

Bellamy Amplexus – Final Fantasy XV SI

·         Favourite Food: Bells is indecisive, but they will gladly eat anything Ignis puts in front of them. They’re thoroughly convinced he uses magic in his cooking. (They’re only half joking about that—it’s so good!) If they were made to decide a top three, it’d likely be Garden Curry, Broiled King on a Stick, and Moogle Mousse with Kupoberry Sauce. Honorable mention being Gyashi Chips (yes, they like what’s effectively Eosian kale chips).

·         Favourite Colours: ANYTHING PASTEL will win Bellamy over, along with any colour considered light and airy. White, silver, pale green, soft gold, baby blue, lavender, and also whatever the sky has going on at any given time of the day—they’re an aesthetic little shit.

·         Favourite Activities: Travelling, leisure shopping when funds allow it (if given the means, Bellamy will 100% engage in excessive retail therapy, no joke), swimming, loving their friends, talking about books and music, gardening, and (I know this sounds vain but bear with me) preening. Yes, they’d be a vlogger in another life. Don’t @ me

·         Bells loves to talk in excess about what they like, and on occasion, when words fail, they tend to express it through squealing, jumping, etc. If someone points out how passionate Bells is about these things, they’ll end up flustered and ask the person if they could continue. I guess you could say Bellamy stims? I’m not diagnosed with anything, so take this with a grain of salt, but I do have stimming habits.

Junko Hisayo – Persona 5 SI

·         Favourite Food: Junko’s pretty partial to miso soup. It’s one of her weaknesses. Total comfort food. (Bro I fuckin’ love miso soup.) As well as baked goods like cupcakes.

·         Favourite Colours: Red, black, silver, pink, blue, purple.

·         Favourite Activities: drawing (sketches, scribbles, doodles, colouring, etc., singing, baking/cooking, writing, and she learned to love gardening after getting close to Haru.

·         Junko tends to show her happiness through verbal and artistic expression, she’s also the type that tends to crack jokes (mostly shitty puns followed up by finger guns).

Again, thank you so much for asking, thank you so much for asking! QwQ Asks are still open, everyone.

[smoljamswrites]

BTS as your best friends:

I’m kind of proud of this and it’s my first one so yeah. If you like it please like or reblog, it’d mean the world to me. Thank you! x

KIM SEOKJIN

okay hands down Jin would be such a good best friend

He’s very protective of you

10/10 would get triggered if someone hurt/upset you

comforts you by putting on a funny movie and chills with you on the sofa or tells you an endless supply of his dad jokes

If you go shopping with him, it’d be like a father and child moment

he keeps telling you to stop messing with stuff on the shelves

continuously jokes around and tells you to put things back

and will definitely ask you what you think he should eat next on EatJin

actually, when he does EatJin you’re usually behind the camera just lying around on his bed or whatever, keeping quiet and playing games on your phone

because I get the impression that Jin loves it when he’s got company and he’s in someone else’s presence

asjskjskjsjs does that even make sense

like he just wants you to be there

even if you ain’t doing anything together

you’re just doing your own thing while he does his

he loves that

also because he’s a Mario fan, and he can be extra af, I think if you guys couldn’t decide who got to choose, between the two of you, something like which takeaway you should order

then you are playing Mario Kart and the winner gets to choose

and boi boy does he get competitive at Mario Kart

if you do win though, expect to witness a spluttery loud-ass Jin

not that he genuinely cares that you get to choose the food

I mean, he loves food so whatever you choose he will eat anyway

but he gets chaotic because he knows you find it funny

he’ll do anything to make you laugh

believe me when I say Jin lives to see you happy

being your best friend, he’s seen you upset and at your worse

which upset him in return

so he makes it his mission to make you smile and laugh when you’re with him

MIN YOONGI

Lets you chill in his studio whenever you want

you even have the password

you just walk in most evenings, pass him some food and drinks, and try your best to help him with whatever he’s working on this time

he appreciates this so much

you still annoy him a lot but lets be honest he wouldn’t want it any other way

the other guys often say that you and Yoongi are like a couple

surprisingly Yoongi doesn’t really care that they call you guys a couple

matter of fact, it probably doesn’t help the situation that you and Yoongi are  a l w a y s  cuddling

Like if you are on the sofa watching a film with the guys, you best expect his head to be on your shoulder, face nuzzled into your neck, arms draped over your stomach, by the end of the night

he just finds you comfy

similarly, if you are with him in his studio and its really late

and you refuse to leave without him because you know he’s tired too

he’ll be all huffy for a bit, but neither of you end up leaving because you’re both so stubborn

instead you’ll end up on his lap, your face on his chest, while he continues to work

and when he’s finally done, if you look too exhausted he’ll just take you back to his place and let you stop there for the night

you always beg him to teach you the piano

“but Yoongi you’re the piano god”  “go away y/n”

he insults you everyday but only because he loves you and he knows you can handle it because you insult him right back

you balance each other out perfectly

he’s calm and collected

you’re more bubbly and giggly enthusiastic

both of you are equally savage though

normally all you do is either hang out at his place or his studio

if you do go out then it’ll be at night, where it is typically quieter

you’ll go get a coffee or some food and just drive around, talking for ages and listening to music, time running away with you

so much sass omg

JUNG HOSEOK

Takes you shopping and judges your fashion choices

when he comes back from tour, he’ll have lots of gifts for you even though you always tell him not to bring you anything back

also if you used to be scared of loud noises well,, lets just say you’re not anymore

you’re used to his happy outbursts and sound effects

but you also know the other side to him that the public doesn’t see

ofc he’s not always going to be the happy, bubbly jhope you see through the cameras

he can truly be himself when he’s around you and he can relax

but when he is acting loud and chirpy he sort of rubs off on you

like your enthusiasm is fed by his enthusiasm

so good luck to those around you because they basically have to handle jhope x2

you get on so well with his family, especially his sister

with his sister being into clothes and fashion too, when you visit her with hoseok, she always compliments your outfits

and hobi will be smirking in the corner because (like i said above) he takes you shopping

and trust me, he would not let you leave that shop with ugly clothes

have you seen that man

he’s the fashion icon

so he takes full credit for every one of your outfits

always gets you to dance with him

he enjoys teaching you new BTS choreography

you’re both easily scared so if there’s a bug for example, the situation would go down like this

“Hobi you get rid of it!”

“No why should it be me? I think you should do it”

“No, i’m scared! You do it!”

“Y/N you’re closer to it, just do it!”

This arguing back and forth lasts for a few minutes until the bug flies/crawls away and you both run off screaming that its gonna attack you

so yeah, literally never a dull moment when Hoseok is your best friend!

KIM NAMJOON

Lowkey wants you both to match outfits but he would never ask you

could either be goofy with you or he’ll go completely psychological on your ass

there’s no in-between with Joon

You sometimes have to remind him that hes only human and reassure him he’s a great leader because I feel like he’d sometimes get in his own head and let the haters get to him, yknow?

You just gotta keep telling him he’s doing a great job and help him not let the stress get the better of him

You’re always there for him, supporting him

and he’s always there for you too

listens to all your problems

he gives the best advice

he’s also very protective of you

yknow when he clenches his jaw? or he raises one of his eyebrows? omg please tell me you know what i’m talking about well he’d do that if some one hurt you and he’d get hella mad

your family love him

they say he’s a very positive influence on you

he gets you to help him write lyrics because you’re his “muse”

he always convinces bighit to let you come on tour

even if he has to pay for you himself, you are coming

always leaves his broken stuff in your room

recommends you books to read (regardless of whether you actually like to read or not)

he is also the reason why you’re dirty minded

like forget expensive girl, have you ever heard ‘trouble’??

you’ll be with the other guys and you two just accidentally end up speaking English and the other guys are like..um hELLO?

PARK JIMIN

okay so I can imagine Jimin buying him and his best friend matching necklaces or something?

hear me out

its christmas day and Jimin passes you a small black box

inside is a necklace with a small key on it and engraved onto the key is “PJM 1995″ 

and you’re like “why have you gotten me a necklace with YOUR initials and birth year”

and then he shows you his necklace and it has your initials and your birth year

like this idea is so cute it makes me so soft sjweufbewjfn

will flirt with you just to make you laugh or maybe because he loves you or wHaTeVeR

he gives the best hugs

like BTS have already confirmed this in an interview

if you’re feeling down and need a hug, Jimin is your man 

he is always with you

and if he isn’t, then he is texting you

you guys are inseparable

if he gets drunk around you then you’re gonna have this clingy, sappy, emotional, koala of a man wrapped around you for the night because he will not leave your side even for a second

its cute tho

but that also means he has a hard time during tour because you are usually not there with him

always drags you to his family parties and such 

you love to go, and he knows you do, but you always whine when he asks you just to make him laugh 

his mom loves you!!

not gonna lie she ships you both and when you go see her, Jimin has to beg her not to say anything about it to you

he loves to rest his head on your shoulder and you like to do the same

G I G G L E S

If you mention how short he is then good luck because he’s gonna chase you down and tickle you until he hears an apology

not that he really cares though

he just jumps at any chance to see a smile on your face

KIM TAEHYUNG

personal hype man

his camera roll is full of pictures of you

hates it when you’re sad

if you’re sad then just letting you know you’re in for a treat

he would organise a sleepover and would aim to cheer you up for the entire night

you always laugh at his pingu impression 

you’re like Yeontan’s mom 

yeontan l o v e s you

you’ll go to Tae’s house and as soon as you open the door, yeontan will run straight to you 

you walk yeontan together at night whilst you share headphones listening to whatever’s on tae’s playlist

recommends you music because hands down this boy has the best taste in music FITE ME

He’s a big fan of skinship so people actually mistake you guys for a couple sometimes

plays with your hair all the time

your parents love him and treat him like he’s part of the family

your parents would genuinely love it if you two dated 

Tae doesn’t mind it when they ask you questions like

“so are you two together yet?”

but you get annoyed purely because you find it so embarrassing

Tae just laughs it off and makes a joke out of it

“no i could never date y/n because her feet smell”

if you need a hug, he’s there

and he’ll sway you side to side and by the end of it you’re laughing so much because he’s hella goofy and you love it

JEON JUNGKOOK

Bullies you all day everyday (but you know he’s only joking)

sends you memes when you both should be asleep

he definitely has a crush on you or at least he has had one at some point in time

doesn’t stop teasing you

he’s so competitive and has to prove he’s better than you in everything

likes to hug you from behind

eats steals your food

you constantly steal his hoodies and he gets annoyed

but he can’t stay mad at you for too long though

he lives for your compliments

though it normally ends up with you playfully hitting his chest when his ego grows a little too big

he is never serious with you

always has his arm around you, it’s like a habit

always stares at you 

always bursts into your room to hang out and then ends up sleeping in your bed

when he’s feeling cocky, he takes his shirt off and tries to make you feel his muscles

when he’s all sweaty from either going to the gym or dance practice, he makes it his mission to find you and get you to hug him while you’re screaming that he’s all sweaty and “gross”

the guys are convinced you two are dating

and Guk lowkey wishes you were but you didn’t hear that from me ;)

he wants you to play with his hair 24/7

being best friends with him means that, if you weren’t already into video games, then you definitely are now

[dominicvail]

in another world, ncis:la feeds us with actual Au episodes every now and again, but our world is imperfect and we just have to imagine this stuff here, but like, if this did happen i would Require these au’s;

A Bowling Au. Everything is played with exactly the same tone as the actual show, so it’s usually laughable but Sometimes super dramatic except instead of like, a terrorist attack, a rival team bowled a strike. Sam used to be on a super militant and well respected team and hasn’t gotten over that half the time people don’t know the name of this new one. He believes bowling balls should be polished before repacking, Every time, that Deeks just shoves his in the same reusable plastic bag he’s had for 8 years Pains him. G’s back story is Identical to the show except this isn’t a spy genre anymore so ppl just think he’s like, the super above it all edge lord because of it all. 

Teacher AU. Sam teaches all kinds of advanced math, G is a gym teacher who acts really stupid all the time to stop people giving him responsibilities he doesn’t want. Despite this, he is often dragged in to cover for language classes because somebody figured out he’s a language like, genius or something. He covered a drama class one time, too, and was scarily good at it. Deeks actually Is the drama teacher, the kids all Love him. Kensi teaches all kinds of physical design classes, like, anything to do with engines, she does woodwork, things like that, she’s not As liked among the student body (i mean, the boys and gays love her, but her jokes are Weird) but she isn’t classed as one of the asshole teachers. Eric teaches IT or whatever u call computing, he’s friendly, won’t put up with crap, but like, next to nobody understands him because he’s not good at dumbing things down. Nell doesn’t teach at first, was just an administrator dealing with all the complicated things, but sometimes substitutes, she’s tiny and Scary and is not a substitute u can walk all over, the ones who tried can’t figure out How she got them to behave??? but it happened. Mr Deeks and Ms Blye are the ‘will they or won’t they’ teacher couple of the school only for deeks to accidentally let slip that his wife is better at long distance running than he is and they all work it out that they’ve been married the whole time. Mr Beale and Miss Jones become the next will they won’t they couple except it embarrasses them so much all they do is blush at each other now. Hetty is the principal/head teacher. She is rarely seen, to be feared, but always watching. 

Star Trek AU; Hetty is the captain of the ship they’re on, but the show is more about the main away team. Is the team’s reputation as bad as section 31 (the shady(tm) part of starfleet), No! Is their reputation necessarily good? No. In fact, they frequently butt heads with section 31 (we’re calling them the equivalent of the cia in the show, they can be friends but... yeah), however their results are rarely questionable and they save many, many lives. It is highly unlikely anyone will ever be promoted. Sam is a Vulcan, calm waters... except if you make him snap, Vulcans have deep running emotions. Deeks is just. The Most Obnoxious Human to him Ever. G is half betazed, it’s why he’s so good at reading people.  Eric is a member of a species that is super social but have few social graces similar to humans so is always super awkward. Kensi has a tragic backstory where she thinks the borg got her dad when she was a kid but it was a Cover Up. I would make Nell non human also, but i will be honest, i am running out of trek aliens i can make her (klingon nell is a Hilarious concept tho). Hetty is Bajoran. 

James Bond AU. Everything is the same except they all use bad english accents the whole way through the episode. 

I am a massive fan of alternate takes on soulmate au’s, i don’t like romantic soulmate au’s, but unusual takes on them are my Jam. In this one, people have soul marks from people who will have the most profound effects on them in their lives on their bodies. This doesn’t necessarily mean the effects will be good, just profound and altering. The team realise they all have marks from each other on their bodies, and are elated to find out all those marks are Positive effects. 

Though i will admit the ‘see in colour when you meet your soulmate’ one would be hilarious with legitimately Any of the partners on the show. Kensi: See’s deeks, learns what blue is. Kensi: spirals into deep denial and yells at him a lot. 

Queer Eye AU where the Fab 5 are called in when Hetty nominates her team for a makeover! Bobby redecorates the boat shed, is asked by hetty to keep what is already bulletproof, bulletproof. And to keep the trap door. And not to worry about any bloodstains and how they got there. Tan’s discovers how hard it is to style around Sam’s muscles. Tries very hard to stop Nell from mixing prints. Experiences horror at Eric’s wardrobe, Nell is shown in BG laughing. Every single man exhibits true, actual horror at the idea of JVN changing their hair and pack into Sam’s car and run away to hide in the woods. Nell and Kensi enjoy the salon appointment in their absence. Karamo manages to negotiate getting paid literally twice his previous rate by just having to try to fix these idiots’ lives and deserves every penny. Antoni trying to teach them to make fun and not disgusting food doesn’t end well. Deeks can cook but likes to Experiment and 97% of his food is awful. Sam can cook, but it’s all bland muscle building/health food. The rest of them are incompetent, set the kitchen on fire, are caught ordering chinese on the sly, ruin 5 pots and pans with burn marks. They open the new boatshed design by interrogating a criminal they just picked up on a case, he points out how fabulous the decor is as he’s led to the interrogation room. Everybody cheers. The team provided snacks in said interrogation Could be considered a torture technique, tho. 

The team go on jeopardy. I have never seen this game show and have no idea how it works, but i bet it would be funny so it is a bullet point. 

Buffy the vampire slayer au, Kensi is a vampire slayer who Happens to just be an ncis agent. She does her normal job but also tries to keep the vampire world a secret from her team mates. Callen: uh, kensi... why do you spend so much of your free time hanging around cemeteries? Kensi: uh... Bat watching???

Superhero AU but they all have really dumb powers. Sam can raise the temperature of any body of water from a lake to a puddle by ten degrees in temperature whenever he wants. G can spontaneously grow and un-grow his hair, if he gets drunk and makes it super long he has ringlets. Deeks can hover exactly one foot in the air, no higher, is designated ‘grab that off the high shelf’ guy. Kensi can sense sugar. This helps in no ways but essentially makes her a human version of one of the medical alert dogs for diabetics. Eric can make anybody around him mildly sleepy if he wants to. He never wants this. It doesn’t even send them to sleep, they just yawn more often and that makes Him yawn more. Nell can speak to cows, since she lives in the middle of Los Angeles, this is not helpful. Plus, cows mostly just talk about grass and are really very boring. Granger could create rainbows out of thin air which was obviously in perfect sync with his personality. Hetty can detach her toes at will. This is only useful in the case of uncomfortable shoes, but can be awkward if somebody routinely searches your bag and finds them in there and arrests you for being a creepy toe cutting off serial killer. 

i would watch it, s’all i’m saying.