#the fact that im severely depressed <3

[sucktacular]

I ordered chicken wings like two days ago and my "I need chicken wings or I'll tear myself asunder" meter is already peeking again 😫

[arionawrites]

decided to make a list of all my diagnosed issues and like fucking. god damn. how am i just living day to day.

[mizugucci]

im fine this is fine its okay no its not </3

[slayagami]

𐙚 synopsis: after losing consciousness in a villain attack, you wake up 2 and a half years later in the hospital. the time doesn't feel long to you, so adjusting to the new updates takes you by surprise. like your boyfriend of 2 years, izuku midoriya, apologizing that he found love elsewhere, in your best friend ochaco uraraka. you find refuge and comfort in your old friend todoroki, who visited you everyday you were out. does new love blossom or do you fight for midoriya back?

𐙚 pairing: midoriya x afab!reader x todoroki

𐙚 warnings:: mild violence, cursing, cheating?, love triangle-ish, angst to fluff, slow burn, friends to lovers, depression, nonchalant reader but over thinker, reader struggles expressing emotions, characters are 22

𐙚 readers quirk: poison arrow. can appear a bow and produce arrows that are ingested with poison that can temporarily paralyze or slow down the movement of who was shot. effects lasts roughly 20 minutes but depending on the victim, possible to move but will be slowed down. quirk allows the reader to have sharp sight, and can see farther and more clearer than most. reader has to train to shoot arrows more accurately. strength of poison depends on readers emotions. hero name: artemis.

𐙚 a/n: slow writer </3 SO SORRY FOR THE LONG WAIT im such a slow and unmotivated writer but thanks for being patient and im sorry if this sucks or is short! also went ahead and added to the tags, included people who were interested in the second part! 3.03k words! [previous] [next]

┊ ➶ ｡˚ ° m.list ! ┊ ➶ ｡˚ ° mha m.list ! ┊ love again

you left the hospital in daze, bitterly rethinking of the harsh words from midoriya, reliving the uncharacteristic look in ochaco’s eyes. the thing that bugged you the most is the raw emotion in his viridescent irises, the way his eyes told you so much but was trapped. like he was under control. and it pained you, because you knew he wouldn’t be with ochaco if he didnt love her. he must be confused. you wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt, but every time you tried reasoning with yourself you became pressed and bothered, eyebrows bunching together in discomfort. it was his choice to leave, his choice to move on, his choice not to wait. that underlying fact should’ve been enough for you to ration, but your heart weighed over your reasonability.

you walked aimlessly, taking in the change of scenery. it was winter now, or at least the cusp, as trees bare nakedly from the ground, the wind blowing coldly across the tip of your nose. it grew a hue of pink as well as your ears, and you silently cursed the hospital for allowing you to walk off without warmer clothes — or even a blanket. you took in the newer buildings that were placed around, or the updated shops that took over some hole-in-wall restaurants. it felt so familiar to you, holding a sense of nostalgia, even if it wasn’t all that long ago.

your feet carried you a long way, sniffling ever so slightly as the run of your nose. you glanced up at the penthouse in front of you, neck craning to eye up the several stories it compiled. you heart pinged, migraine oncoming. this place felt familiar, and it was almost at the tip of your tongue, but i felt like your body knew where to take you. knew where you’d find comfort. knew where you’d feel safe. grudgingly you stepped forward into the building, hair blowing in several directions at the different air pressures. only then did the penthouse look familiar, the lobby remaining the same as it did years ago when todoroki first moved in, asking you for help with some boxes and casual hang outs. you dragged your feet to the lobby, allowing your body and faint memory to recollect the door your friend lived behind. a funny number to you, something so easily remembered. 808. eighth floor, eighth room. you remember always commenting how the numbers looked like a silly face, a face that could be used as an emoticon during texting.

you tried your best not to stand out, sinking your head lower and sliding your hands in your pockets, slipping into an elevator, though thankfully it was empty. the numbers glowed softly, changing as it passed each floor with a soft ‘ding’. you rocked on the balls of your heels, roughed up black and white converse your parents had left you fit snugly with a double knotted tie. your eyes watched the numbers, slowly growing anxious. you haven’t seen todoroki in — for him — two and a half years. the last time you remember seeing him before the hospital was moving into this penthouse, carrying boxes with yaoyaorozu. oh yeah, you remembered, nodding to yourself, he was dating yaoyaorozu last time i was here. the elevator dinged softly, the speaker muffling a short announcement as the doors shifted open. your feet stepped onto the hardwood floor, turning a hard right and letting your feet carry you to his room, large ceilings aligned with marvelous paintings and chandeliers. you remember gawking at it when you first visited his place too, hopelessly praying you were able to achieve a living space like this too.

you didn’t even know if he was home or not. if he had work, or was on an errand run. you didnt think about much, just knowing you wanted the comfort of your friend, wanting to let him know you were awake finally with your own words. a gentle knock hit the wooden door, eyes glancing down to the doormat with a faded ‘welcome’ message on it, some stains of red pressed on the corners. it was quiet, no noise or rustle, no television or mumbling. maybe he wasnt home. your teeth nibbled at the bottom plump of your lips, the nervous feeling growing increasingly worse. maybe i should leave? you sighed and spun around, lowering your head as you walked off, hands back into your pockets. you made it about halfway down the hallway before the soft sound of the door unlocking filled the air, the gentle pull from the door with a quiet squeak. you froze, not knowing if you should turn around or keep going. but the familiar voice rang in your ears so softly, and you knew exactly why your body aimless took you here in the first place.

“excuse me? what that you knocking?” you can gear the tired croak in his voice fighting back a yawn, “did you need anything?” your body turned slowly, feet picking up as you walked towards him excitedly, that nervous feeling from earlier gone. his eyes met yours, the bi-colored orbs widening with shock, lips parting ever so slightly. for him, time had completely stopped. in fact, todoroki could’ve sworn he was still asleep, replaying a dream he had often of being able to see you again. seeing the radiance that covered your face, the way your arms were outstretched in a hug. but it felt so real he swore if he woke up, the whole world might as well burn.

your body collides with his, pushing him back a few steps before his head catches rest on top of your shoulder, perfectly fit in the crane of your neck. his arms held you tightly at the waist, your own arms circling around his shoulders and neck, sniffles and pants reaching his ears. he was shocked, obviously, but stayed in the hug, not daring to move an inch. the familiar hospital spent fills his nostrils with a weird ease, his hands softly rubbing the small of your back as you sobbed. he knew now this wasn’t a dream, far too real to be. and as happy and relieved he is to see you, he cant help the worried pain he feels as the shirt on his shoulder grows more and more wet, your chest heavily heaving as you hugged him and sobbed.

after giving you the time to recuperate, he invited you inside his home, bending down softly to help you unlace your worn out converse, a hand holding leverage on your shin as the other tugged gently at the shoe. you stood there, surprisingly unfazed, using your forearm to wipe any tears from your eyes while your flushed nose sniffled here and there. with your pearly white socks now stepping onto the soft carpet of his home, a cold hand tugs your wrist to lead you to his grey couch, expectant eyes finding your face.

he had so many questions to ask, so many things that filled his brain on what to say and what he wanted you to know, but he just stared. he let you take your time. let you breathe. the sincerity of his entirety made your eyes water once more, chest puffing out whiney sobs while you laid ur head on his shoulder, a hand holding onto his forearm. it was such a domestic hold, so natural between the two. though your cries were too important for him to worry about anything else at the moment.

you gulped inaudibly, taking a small breath. you began to slowly tell him everything. the moment you woke up, seeing your parents show physical signs of aging, midoriya rushing in, the stupid look in his green eyes, uraraka expecting you to give her your blessing, and finally not even being able to remember the fight you were involved with in the first place. time did not feel long to you, which is why its even harder to understand how much things have changed.

the entirety of the situation felt completely unfair.

shoto hummed softly, letting you talk it out to him. he felt the grip on his arm grow strong as the topic of your now-ex-boyfriend came up, his own feelings getting twisted inside his heart. seeing you cry over someone like him making a stupid decision, he wished to comfort you in a domestic manner yet refrained.

"i need to tell my supervisor i need a break. and to switch me to a different agency. there's no way i can still work with izuku after this." another hum, his back sinking into the couch. "do you have any ideas where you want to go? or how long you plan to take your break for?"

you sighed, the thought of it all already giving you a headache. your yawn filled the small silence, before responding. "agency? no clue. someone who wants me to become the best version of myself and not only wanting me to make their company look better." another yawn, your eyes growing heavy. "i need to consult with my doctor since i can't strain myself for a while anyways. gotta see what she recommends me, first."

todoroki nodded in understanding, noticing the change in demeanor. his blue blanket was folded on the arm rest of the couch, inching away from you slowly to not disturb you. he reached out for the blanket and slowly laid it over to your body. he muttered softly, telling you to lay down and that you should rest before you decide to go home.

"today was tough, so take a quick nap to replenish your energy. don't worry, I'll still be here when you wake up."

warmth enveloped you on a soft cushion, a light weight draped over your body making it unbearably hard to wake up. but with a groan straining out your throat and scrunch of your face, your eyes peered open slowly to look at the familiar apartment. the room smelled of some kind of soup, the broth being enough to make your mouth water. you glanced down at the suspect of the newly added weight to your body, a red blanket on top of your figure. it was weighted, along with a fluffy white cat balled up at your feet. in the kitchen, was todoroki. you can hear the clash of metals as she shuffled through various pots, placing them as quietly as he could on the stove, yet the smallest noise still ringing through the apartment. it felt homey. and it made you feel guilty. todoroki was important to you, but so was izuku. spending the night here, feeling and finding comfort in him, waiting patiently as he cooked you some dinner, it all felt wrong. you still felt the unbearable tie between your ex, and even though your brain finally understood that things were different, and that time has changed, your heart reminds you otherwise.

your hands picked up the ball of fluff at your feet, cradling the tiny baby in your arms to ease your mind. it purred softly, nudging its head into your fingers, its heterochromatic eyes of blue and green peering up. your socked feet scuffed its way towards the kitchen, watching fondly as todoroki lifted the ladle of broth to his mouth, taste testing his soup concoction. he winced at the taste, almost in disbelief at what he tried. who knows how long he's been trying to make this. with a stifled laugh, you offer to help.

"do you even know how to cook? let me taste it and I'll tell you what you need!" for being a pro-hero, him not noticing your presence was a little silly. he jumped a little but played it off, eyeing you softly. the cat meowed, jumping out of your hands and onto the floor effortlessly, rubbing itself on todoroki. it was a cute scene, his cheeks a pale pink and his ears flushed, the soft purrs of his cat and the disheveled wrinkles of his shirt was so cute. cute? oh, the guilty feeling is back again. your smile faltered as you walk to the pot, taking whatever leftover broth was in the ladle into your mouth to taste. you had the same reaction as him, grimacing in distaste. it was so bland, like, uncharacteristically bland. and watery? and.. missing every single spice needed to make it flavorful. you giggled, lifting yourself on the tips of your toes to reach into his cabinet, pulling out every spice needed and some other ones you wanted to try.

you spent the rest of the night cooking the soup, engaging in another game of catch-up over the past two years you were in the hospital. he mentioned the newer stores that opened near your home, or the stores that closed down recently or changed locations. because, of course he would remember all your favorite locations. he kept tabs on probably everything you had an interest in. he wasn't sure if that was good or bad, though. you listened intently nonetheless, nodding in understanding or gasping at the new news. he gave you updates about your friends, how mina went abroad to model for a partnership, or how bakugou actually mellowed out for once. he wasn't as invested in you guys' friends as he was about the things in your life, so there wasn't too much said, thought he said as much as he knew.

"oh, and yaoyaorozu? last I remembered you guys were together, no? we helped you move in here!" right. yaoayorou. he refrained from saying much about her. things didn't end well with her, and to be completely honest, he was to blame for it all. with an uneasy look, he pet his cat in his arms. shoto looked over the digital clock on the wall, 1:29 am. the story was far too long to explain. but he knew neither of you were tired. but if he explained it all, would you view him differently? he bit his lip in thought, uncertain and nervous.

"we broke up not too long after you were in the hospital." he breathed, allowing himself to get comfortable in the solace of his couch. "she said I was invested in everything but her, and that I never acted like a boyfriend to her but a.. placeholder." his blue and grey eyes peer in your direction, your orbs wide but focused, taking in the new information. you didn't want to believe though, you always believed shoto would have been a great boyfriend.

"she said that? im sorry for asking about it, but I'm sure you weren't as bad as she claims. maybe you guys were compatible, to she wanted more than you could give, y'know?" you tried to reassure him, but a part of it only made him feel guilty. he pressed on, thanking you gently while he continued his story.

"I visited you in the hospital every day, for several hours at a time. I went when I woke up before my shift, I went after, I went on my days off, I went on lunch breaks. I sat in the hospital chair, talking to you and sharing a meal more than I ever did with yaoyaorozu. My life had completely revolved around your well-being and it made her upset, rightfully so. I was never intimate with her, we hardly ever slept in the same bed. Our conversations were bland unless you happened to be brought up. Only then did I become interested, or it ended up in an argument. She said if I cared for you so much then why was I even bothering with her?"

the long tangent had you shocked, feeling the irresistible heat crawl up the back of your neck to your cheeks and ears, a hand covering your mouth as you watched him. he sunk further into the couch, almost sulkingly, clinging onto the white cat on his chest. maybe it was the lack of sleep, or the magic of being up late into the night, but he continued to talk and speak nothing but the truth. as bare and open as it was.

"I think my whole life has always been about you. but you were interested in midoriya. I figured it would have been a smarter move to move on from you since you were with him. and since yaoyaorou was the only person who could've been an option I half hazardly chose her and practically exploited her feelings for me to form a relationship, just to find closure in some one-sided feelings. that's why I visited you often in the hospital, and cut all ties with midoriya and ochaco when all those articles came out."

another look at the clock read 2:33am, before his eyes landed on yours. wet, big, and full of raw emotions. you let out a small sob, before sniffling and wiping your face, the faintest blush your nose. you scooted closer, laughing.

"if you say all that, I can't help but feel bad for yaoyaorozu. I can't imagine how that must've felt, for both of you. but i won't take your feelings lightly. give me some time, okay? things are complicated for me, too. if im being honest, hearing you say all those things makes me beyond happy, its almost embarrassing. but my conscious can't help but feel guilty, I still feel tied to izuku. I mean, just the other day in my timeline we were talking about marriage. then I wake up and find out hes with my best friend." your hands reach out towards the cat as well, scratching the top of her head as she purred, your fingers brushing up against todoroki's every now and then, before he decide to holds your fingers between his, his ow eyes never leaving your face as you spoke.

"I want to take your feelings with honesty. so just give me a little more time, okay?" even though the wallowing pain of guilt still continued to eat at you, you persevered and kissed the softness of his pale cheek, his face flaming up in red. he nodded meekly, giving your hand a squeeze.

"of course, anything for you."

tag list

@c0sm1cstqrsx @aliceblossoms @0b1wan @obeythehuman @whippedbyikemen @faimmm @sagejin @gummy-toes @seobstarr @candiiee @slowlyelectronictragedy @mashedcarrott @justagirlfr @aespie @marley1773

[shradsmanifestt]

hi, im sorry for bothering u right now. ive been asking around for advice everywhere because i really need all the help i could use right now. my anxiety is flaring up like crazy because my results come out tomorrow and im so scared because if i mess this up then my future is ruined. my mental health has been horrible and that has severely affected my grades but in most asian countries they dgaf about that and basically think it's nonexistant for minors so ofc i'm still undiagnosed, and if i were to apply to a uni i wouldnt get any good chances anywhere. if i could just get 3 Bs in my AS levels it would be okay or else i'd have to retake it and it's super costly here.. i don't wanna put my family through that because they'll talk me down, degrade me, destroy my self esteem which i've managed to build back a little. they were like this since when i was the topper and thats what made me burnout. undiagnosed adhd, trauma, depression also contributed to it

im applying the law, but instead of the feeling of success that everyone else gets i feel panicked. the 'feeling' people usually get when they're in the wish fulfilled state, the feeling of accepting it and it being real—im not getting that. i dont see a clear picture when i visualize. every time i try to, i end up breaking down and feeling like a failure... but I'm still trying to go on because why is it that the people who hurt me and practically ruined my life get to live successfully, while i suffer? thats not fair... i promised myself that if i could just get 3 Bs, ill turn my life around and work really hard... but is it over for me? i want to win, im trying to, but im scared

im trying my best to visualize myself getting 3 Bs, reenacting my friends faces when i get the results, praying to God and thanking Him for blessing me and continuing to bless me, but there is this fear still lingering at the back of my mind... i feel like I'm not doing it right. i have like one day left and I'm so nervous. im going over posts, tweets, and every time I feel a little better, it all comes crashing down because of doubts. theres only one thing one my mind right now: 'how am I gonna turn it around in one day?' i know that the 3D does not matter and that everything is done in imagination, but here i feel like its not done in imagination either

right now nothings clicking in my head, whatever i read is getting scrambled in my mind, i feel so lost and empty. could u please tell me what to do in this specific situation? u can be as harsh as you want if that's what's needed to get the point across. im really sorry for the bother and id be really grateful if u could please help out, ive never been this desperate before... my life cant be over before it even started

Hey love,

I get you, I really do but trust me when I say this.

THIS SHIT IS REAL AF. Manifestation is real af. It's as real as the fact that you are a human being. All you have to do is trust yourself that it is already done. If good results is what you want then that is exactly what you'll get. You need to choose to stop having doubts because it is already done. That is the simplest answer I can give you. Persist on what you want.

I am glad to tell you this but I just got test results for a major exam held in my uni today and I got into the 95th percentile just by saying to myself that my super power is aptitude tests and that I already scored great. In my friends group only 3 of us were eligible and I have 70+ more marks then them as well. If I can do it, you can do it. You need to stop doubting yourself. Atleast stop doubting manifestation. Cause at this point you're only gonna manifest your doubts.

I'll give you a scenario - If you're worried about getting bad grades, Trust me when I say this you're gonna manifest exactly that coz you will manifest exactly what you assume. You can choose to stop that right here, RN. Choose to accept that you got great marks. I mean don't even like aim for B's go for A's. I don't care even if you left the paper blank coz if you assume you're the topper, that is exactly what's gonna happen.

If you do get bad marks and I'm gonna be harsh here - You're the only reason why! You're gonna manifest exactly what you assume to be true even if it's good or bad. Your sc mind don't differentiate btw what's good for you or what's bad for you. It only knows what you feed it.

You got this, TRUST ME

Love, Shrads.

[correctthroam]

I read THROAM for the first time in ~5 years. Here's what I have to say.

Volume I: There was so many characters I forgot about when going into the fic. Pete, Jac, Spencers family. I cant believe I forgot them. Pete will always be a fave because everyone hates him and it makes me laugh. The first volume was always my 2nd favorite, I think it still is. overall, the storyline isn't complicated and I like that. Ryan is such an asshole so I dont feel bad for him one bit in any of the fic. Also, I used to say that the bus crash was Brendons fault (I was 13, okay?) But Ryan was just an unstable motherfucker who truly should not be trusted to drive a vehicle of any kind.

Volume II: holy shit. I hate volume two. Not saying the writing is bad but Jesus Christ, Ryan is an asshole. bro literally stalked Brendon after he ran into him at that party like what? I had messaged a friend after finishing volume 2, saying "I'm a really nice person I never wanna make people feel sad, let alone make a whole fictional story about someone being severely depressed and unstable whilst chasing a boy then fucking his bf at the end???" and I think that perfectly sums up how I feel (and always felt) about volume two. other than the fact that I used to say that it was Brendons fault. (I was 13. THIRTEEN) it wasn't his fault. Some parts were, yeah, but it's hard to pinpoint everything that happened on one person. at the end of the day, its a good story I just Hate it (does that make sense) I love it but I hate it? it remains my least favorite purely for the pain it put me through.

Volume III: I love this volume. I always have. Sisky is amazing, we all love Sisky. I will say the iconic song/album references/jokes made me cringe a bit, though. Im not exactly sure what about this fic I always liked so much, I guess you can really see Ryans character growth and finally not be as much as a miserable fuck (he's still unstable dw) Since Ryan is less insufferable, it makes the volume more enjoyable. I like that Spencer and Ryan became friends again, I think it makes the book more enjoyable and tbh I think Spencer rly tied vol 3 together, if he wasn't part of it it would lowk suck. overall, best volume cant wait to host the throam tour where we go to hotel Chelsea then machias.

final thoughts: if I thought throam was 100% good when I was 13, Id say now that I think throam is about 85% good now. (does that make sense pt 2) this fic has sent me back into being 13 and I have been blasting some pretty. odd. (im listening to it rn as im typing this) and listening to this album just makes my life feel more simple. still a solid fic, I think it would be an amazing published book. and I think we can all agree that it would be amazing to see THROAM movies (in our dreams)

Thanks for reading lol

[mcytcontent]

(4/4) over parts on my profile

Shelby's Instagram

Despite the fact that Shelby said that she and Wilbur started dating in 2022, it seems to me that this is slightly wrong. And their relationship began at the end of 2021. I think so because of the photos of Wilbur and Shelby together on her Instagram. (1-1,5, 2, 3)

In all the photographs (except the last one) absolutely everyone is marked except her and Wilbur.

Sudden facts

Smajor was the very first of Shelby’s close friends to announce himself; he claimed that he saw abuse in their relationship, but for some reason remained silent. The reason for his silence is unknown. ‌

Billzo appears, emerging from his year-long silence with a statement that he, too, saw how Wilbur manipulated him and his friends. At the same time, Billzo, like Smajor, did not talk about this until the persecution against Sut began. The reason for his silence is also unknown.

‌After this, Tubbo liked Bilzo and Freddie's answer

Wilbur's moments

Wilbur and others have repeatedly confirmed and joked about the fact that Wilbur has an addiction to alcohol. Wilbur himself admitted this on Quackity's stream.

Amid Wilbur and Shelby's relationship, Technoblade died. Techno's death could have made Wilbur very depressed, especially considering that Wilbur had frequent panic attacks as a child, as well as severe anxiety.

Wilbur more than once asked not to idealize him, he said a lot about the fact that he was a bad person.

He said that he had been mentally ill since childhood and that he would soon undergo therapy. And for some time Will was so apathetic and depressed that he didn’t even get out of bed and the only one who was at least somehow worried about him and forced him to look after him was Tommy, who was 17 at that time.

Also one of the streams from 2023, where he mentions his problems with mental health and that it has become worse

"Wilbur, if you weren't a little bit handsome, everyone would think you're wrongun" - Tommy's joke (6:25)

Shelby also said that Will doesn't care about his fans, and he only wants fame and money from them. Officially, tickets for his concert cost from 49+ pennies. Tommy talked about this when he went to the cmwyl concert. And Bilzo himself said on Twitter that he would buy Will’s ttrack «The "Nice Guy" Ballad» if he put it up, and Bilzo replied that he could listen to it for free.

Wilbur also supports feminism.

Shelby's cousin

Cousin Shelby said that it was not Wilbur who abused Shelby, but she who abused him. (There is no evidence that this is Shelby’s cousin, so the information is not accurate)

Shelby responded to this within 40 minutes, but at this point, her reply has been deleted.

What Shelby violated

You can read more about Shelby's violations from VikaVivii (RIP♡) on Twitter.

Article 188 - Libel, administrative violation

Article 189 - Insult inflicted in a public speech, or in a printed or publicly displayed work, or in the media. Administrative violation.

Article 203-1 - Illegal actions regarding information about private life and personal data. Administrative violation.

Article 343 - Distribution of pornographic material (intimate photos and videos of Wilbur). Criminal article.

Im actually not sure about this

Article 352 - Unlawful acquisition of computer information (Wilbur’s personal data). Administrative violation or criminal for up to two years.

Article 355 - Violation of the rules for operating a computer system or network. Administrative violation.

Chapter 2 Article 3 - Disrespect for Wilbur's Life

Chapter 2 Article 5 - Dissemination of Wilbur Sweat's personal information without his mutual consent to these actions, thereby violating his integrity

Chapter 1-2 Article 11 - disrespect for the honor and dignity of William Gold, distributing purely personal information and supporting doxxing towards Wil.

Chapter 2 Article 12 - condemnation of Wilbur Soot for his thoughts and beliefs, which have the right to be expressed.

Victims from SupportShubleSquad

Aiden (@VikaVivii) is a 15-year-old child who was subjected to domestic violence and who was one of Wilbur's active supports. He actively looked into the situation, talked about the holes in Shubble's story, and covered the petition (authored by @kinokonyai) which outlines the laws that Shelby violated. Due to bullying and threats of doxxing, on 03/07/24, I jumped from the balcony, before that I wrote a couple of posts on my Twitter account, saying goodbye. Afterwards, Aiden's close friend (@ZaneDeYala) confirmed his death and said that Aiden's mother would speak out about it later.

Miles (@Wilbees_xx) - 16 years old, tried to commit suicide with an overdose of pills. Based on his brother's statement, we know that Miles is currently in the hospital and getting help.

M (@weirdobur) - wanted to commit suicide, but luckily he couldn’t, now he’s decided to step away from the Internet for an indefinite period.

⬆️

Shelby left her Twitter account for the purpose of “resting.” At the same time, deleting messages and banning those people who talk about Aiden and Miles. ‌

“I didn’t ask for threats on my behalf.” Didn’t stop her fans from bullying, but also supported it herself. It has long been known that she liked wishes for the death of Wilbur and leaking his personal information, but as soon as this was noticed, she removed the likes.

On TinaKiten, Shelby was pressured by the supports, forcing her to speak out about the situation and take sides, despite the fact that she was not even Wilbur’s friend, but an acquaintance.

3rd Shelby's stream

On March 24, Shelby streamed after a break of 2 weeks.

16:30 she began to talk about how you can’t trust the words of others, about how people wish death to each other, and how they wish death to her every day. After that, she began to talk about the trust “adult kids” have in adults, and how she felt in the company of such adults.

23:17 she said that children are stupid: “cause they are kids, they are stupid,” and then immediately qualified her statement with how unfairly the younger generation is treated. She then began to talk about brotherly relationships between teenagers and adults, clearly alluding to the relationship between Wilbur and Tommy, but without directly saying so, she talked about the manipulation of children by adults. That when a teenager needs help, this adult will never come. She said that friendships with age differences should be more respectful, especially towards children.

Later she mentions Philza saying that he is a great person and we should follow his example. In “brotherly” relationships there should not be any friendly blows or jabs (More than half of the relationships between brothers and sisters are exactly like that. Especially when someone is older).

She later said that it was terrible to deal with teenagers in friendships: “because they are so young and you are so fucking old. What are you doing."

27:19 “If you ever been one of this people, (cause we saw this happen before too), where you were caught, (where you in massive platform), of violence, over a lot of teenagers and children. And in privet you are being an abusing people, manipulating and abusing teenagers. I just think, if you are one of these people who are caught and say: “I'm sorry, I'm gonna work on myself” - I think that is a lie if you ever come back. I think if you have been caught clearly irresponsible with this position of power over teenagers, that if you actually out of them working in a sorry, you'd voluntarily never come back, if you really were sorry. I just couldn’t ever believe it if you put yourself right back into the same shoes...” At this point, she was clearly talking about Wilbur, accusing him of manipulating and abusing teenagers.

31:08 she started talking about teenagers who commit suicide. She started laughing at them, covering it up with the words that she was laughing at herself, at her situation. She said that these children are lying, because you can look up their phone number and use it to find information or find their parents. And finally ask them about this situation. She said that she found all this and checked it out. But she did not provide any evidence.

32:37 “Because it is a crime to tell people kiil themselves” (She herself does nothing with her team ShelbySupporSquad, who wish people kys (kill themselves) every day)

39:50 “You are waiting for more information, maybe before you call someone a lying bitch”

(I’ve been waiting for more information for more than a month)

At 41 minutes, she began to talk about how many people began to share their stories and that she was proud of them, and that she was glad that many of them found a way out of the situation.

44:22 «I've seen so many excuses, I've just seen so many excuses that I think that not okay and I think that actually disrespect, I've seen people use excuses of depression to excuse some behavior, I think that such disrespect to anyone who felt depressed, because feeling depressed is not a pass to abuse people, because that are you sealing to imply. It's just not an excuse for abuse, no one of this excuse for abuse, mental illness not is excuse for abuse, because for forgetting part that took it to a level where they were abusing somebody else. And that's not okay, that's not.»

Many people began to get angry at this statement, it seems to me that basically there is nothing wrong here, but she still cannot judge depression, since she is not a professional.

55:45 Aimsey joined via Discord call until 1:09:34 (they were discussing cartoons)

1:11:17 she started talking about safety on the Internet (don’t tell your age, if you’re being bullied, tell your loved ones, etc.)

1:12:53 “Important to have a slightly adult to go to, because you don’t want to go to your parents and they can never be able to understand...”

Deleted post

I would also like to note that this post has been deleted from the «Wilbur music» channel.

Tupac posters

A moment that fans noticed. Shelby has a poster of Tupac, the rapper convicted of rape, on his wall.

I checked this and can finally confirm the information. It would be fine if she had only one poster hanging out of ignorance, but the fact that she has two posters is suggestive.

Sorry boys

On March 30, Sorry boys posted a post in which, on behalf of Tommy, they declare that they will go on a break, but before that they will release one video, he also wrote that they have as many as 5 filmed videos, but they will not post them.

Wilbur in Brighton?

On April 9, a video from a LoveJoy fan appeared on TikTok, in which he filmed Wilbur congratulating him (someone) on his birthday: «Just birth, happy birthday to “name”» (I didn’t fully understand what he said, because spoke quickly). This happened at the airport.

They also began to say that Wilbur had become visible again in Brighton. Most likely Wilbur came from New York where he temporarily lived with LoveJoy.

The owner of the video posted a verification post that he had recently meet Wilbur. The video was filmed back in December 2023. And it was filmed by a friend who was flying with LoveJoy on the same rail.

Spotify UK & Ireland

[uzuuumaki]

” With love, Junji Ito “

” ..Who am i? ”

“ If you truly wish to know, then.. I am Junji Ito of the Port Mafia. pleased to meet you.. “

[ UPDATED :: 8/29 ]

[Hihi!! BSD OC of Junji Ito :]

All relevant info is in the image, but in the event you happen to use a screen reader or the image won’t load, then here is a recap!

NAME :: Junji Ito

SKILL :: Uzumaki

Able to summon spirals that hypnotize those who look into them. Over time if the ability is not nullified those affected will go mad, becoming obsessed with spirals until their deaths. Deaths typically happen as the affected contort their bodies into a spiral structure of their own accord, crushing their bones and organs in the process and resulting in death.

AGE :: 28

BIRTH DATE :: July 31

HEIGHT :: 5’5’’

BLOOD TYPE :: AB

LIKES :: Repetitive structures, Cake, Balloons, Cats, Beetles, Staying at home

DISLIKES :: Sharks, Overbearing People, Itchy Clothes, Things he Can’t Prepare For

UNLISTED INFO ::

PRONOUNS :: He/him

LINKS ::

[ *> BACKSTORY ]

[ *> FACT SHEET ]

[ *> JOB LIST ]

BOUNDARIES ::

— No NSFW directed towards me or Ito.

— Flirtatious jokes are a case-by-case basis, and you do run the chance of the ask being deleted. Also in general, Ito won’t react very well to things of the sort.

— I will participate in angst, as long as it’s not heavy. I classify heavy as the following :: self harm, character death, etc cetera.

— Otherwise, i’m not sensitive to very many things. Send in asks/interactions, joke with Ito [or me, as mod :3], throw things at him if you really want, et cetera! :]

RELEVANT WARNINGS ::

— Themes of depression, and paranoia will be frequent.

— occasional mention/implication of Ito being passively suicidal.

— Generally he has a few mental health issues, though they are light as of right now just since i havent exactly had time to thoroughly research and decide how i want to portray them yet.

— [ TO BE UPDATED ]

MOD :: @caffeiiine

hi hi! you may refer to me as ‘Soda’ or Mod, or whatever silly nickname you’ve decided to give me :]

She/her is fine as far as i’m concerned.

PERSONALITY ::

I’d describe him as sharing a personality mostly with Lovecraft, his speech is slow and languid to reflect that.

Hes not hugely emotional either, typically preferring to mask over his emotions with a thick layer of indifference.

Hes not too concerned with many things, he mostly spends his days wandering the Port Mafia after hes done what is asked of him. Hes not too keen on using his ability either, usually only using it if he has to as in, theres no other way to fix the issue. At the same time, he doesnt care too much about being used for his ability.

Socially, I’d describe him as largely asocial also sees his relationships as more a means to an end with little to no real meaning other than what the opposite party assigns.

[ This will be updated as I come up with it. ]

OTHERWISE IMPORTANT INFORMATION ::

— There are several things wrong with him that only i know :3 have fun figuring them out <3

— ^ i am severely anxious about my portrayal of certain mental disorders, so as a result hopefully he will be accurately coded as the one im trying to get at :]

— To be updated later!

Silly Doodles of Ito ::

Songs I associate with Ito :: [ swaps out periodically]

TAG EXPLANATION ::

— [ *> RAMBLES … ] -> IC posts

— [ *> ITO RAMBLES ] -> OOC Ito-related posts

— [ *> OOC ] -> OOC posts, typically mod updates

— [ *> ASKBOX ] -> Asks

ANONS

[ *> —🍥 ANON ]

[ *> —🪆 ANON ]

[weareweirdpeople]

not a vent but diabetic shit because why not I want to share my experience

I have diabetes. I've had diabetes sense i was an elementary schooler on the way to middle school. Diabetes fucking sucks and it runs in my family. Because of this, and the fact that my family refuses to call it a disability despite it literally being a chronic illness, it has taken me a while to realize I do infact have a disability.

in hindsight, I am "lucky" that my mom raised me restricting lots of "unhealthy snacks" (non health foods. My mom viewed fucking cheezits as unhealthy and she came from a family that was even stricter with 'healthy' foods.) This meant that when I got diagnosed with diabetes, I would be prepared for the fact that now they weren't just rare treats my mom was learning to be ok with. Now they were aparently dangerous to my health and I could almost never eat them again.

My uncle has severe type 1 diabetes and my mom used to try to help him manage it, but he's a grown man whos never taken good care of it and does what he wants. So now that I had diabetes she was going to are sure I definitely didn't end up like that. This means that even if he himself brought all the kids a sweet treat, depending on my blood sugar I wouldn't even be allowed to have it. Most of the time she didn't want me to have it. This all went down with covid and I got to live with my diabetic father. The plus side was that the restrictions where pretty much gone, and I just needed to manage my sugar. The bad part is that I was fucking terrified of pricking my finger. It would take me hours to pick my finger, and my dad would be pissed. It slowly became very normal. I also had to learn how to take pills and open a pill bottle.

A while later now that I'm living with my whole family, I still have great care over my diabetes. I say great care as in how my family views it. I have the best a1c, I have the most consistent blood sugars. Personally I'm happy I can do that while having major depression but it makes me sad at the same time. It just pisses me off. Anytime my sugar is high I'm asked "what did you eat? What did you eat today? What was your sugar this morning?" I have an anxiety disorder. The doctors and google have told us that stress and anxiety can heighten blood sugar. Every time its about what I at. If im super sleepy? What did I eat? Whats my blood sugar? If im super anxious? Whats my blood sugar? Is it low? What have you eaten today?

My mom has always been focused on my diabetes. I low key hate it.

But in hindsight some of her ideas and things she let me do were so bad that its actually funny. Like holy shit mom, that was wild.

She at first wanted me to count all of my carbs. Every time I ate. All the carbs. She wanted me to check my sugar everytime I ate and then based on that it would determine what I was allowed to eat.

Then there was the point in time where she let me run around outside all day without eating lunch and sometimes even breakfast or any water until my sugar dropped crazy low and I was dizzy and shaking, and then id go outside again right after it went up. She doesn't like me reminding her of this because she says it makes her feel like a bad mother and that she was distracted. Im pretty sure the only constant meal was eating was dinner.

one time during Easter when we did an egg hunt my siblings got eggs fully of candy like normal. But my mom was running late on candy shopping so instead of giving me candy eggs, she made me get the special eggs she made, thinking they had zero sugar candy. They were fuckkng almonds. Unsalted Almonds. What. The. Fuck. I have never let her live that shit down, because who gives their kid fucking almonds as a treat??? Diabetic or not, unsalted almonds???

I was very very upset that year to say the least. My mom has always been stingy with any candy of any sorts. Even before we knew I was diabetic I was only really allowed 1-3 prices of candy from a holiday at most, and only after dinner. My Halloween candy especially would either go bad or she would eat it as well and I would not get much of it.

And after diabetes? Keto everything. My mom wanted to find as much keto stuff as possible, and I get it. We have a diabetic household, but she didn't do that shit until I got diagnosed with diabetes. I am happy that by now shes pretty much stopped all her restrictions and the keto stuff, she's still really diabetes focused when it comes to my mood and doesn't consider it a disability but that's okish.

Hilariously j don't have type 1 diabetes. Or type 2. I have a genetic mutation, and have had to convince multiple people that no I don't just have type 2, no I didn't not get diabetes because of my eating habits have you fucking seen me I am a god damm stick and even if I was fat that doesn't mean shit, no I cannot just eat fruit instead of candy that's not how diabetes works you peice of shit.

Long story short, i don't get a CGM or an Insulin pump. I actually make too much insulin, and dont really absorb it all and a CGM is to expensive... that means I just have to watch my sugar and take my pills indefinitely and I can't check my sugar too much because then I'd have to wait for my refills to get done because American health care fucking sucks ass.

lol diabetes sucks, stop being assholes to people with diabetes.

[sloshys]

HI FOR THE LOVE OF GOD THERE ARE OTHER DAAN/O'SAA SHIPPERS OUT HERE????? PLEASE TELL ME ALL OF YOUR THOUGHTS IM FUCKING DESPERATE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE BEGGING YOU

My little fucking guys

Im so fucking bad when it comes to writing hcs or character analysis. Im going to try it out but i hope someone who’s a writer and whos interested this pairing gets to explain it all better than i can.

Everything under the cut theres some talk about sex at the end but its brief

I want to preface this that despite the fact that im very much into shipping every time i enter a new fandom i dont think any termina characters were able to directly confess their feelings to eachother. They simply have too much going on in mind, too busy surviving or hardly trust eachother. Despite the amount of events happening, i think only 3 days is super short amount of time for these guys to truly be sure of their feelings for eachother and dont have time to think over it ( only Samarie truly makes sense to me cuz she knew Marina before that even if its one sided)

Their parallels

Both of them were doomed to grow up fast in order to survive because of political and religious circumstances that neither had control over. Daan lost his family because they were fervent Sylvian worshippers, and Osaa grew in the chaos of the religious wars ravaging his country (perhaps that's how he lost his father in the process, but that's just a theory). Also, their respective situations parallel each other as they focus on both the traces of the old gods Sylvian (Daan’s parents being bunnymask cultists) and Gro-goroth (war and chaos in Abyssonia). It doesn't mean anything in particular about the characters themselves, but these two old gods did complete each other.

They both had an advanced education with Daan being an apprentice butler and modern medicine while O’saa studied spirituality and religion.

During adulthood, they both went through unspeakable horrors. For Daan, it was war; he only managed to keep his sanity with the letters he exchanged with Elise. For O'saa, it was being haunted by nightmares and his exploration of the dungeon of fear and hunger. These events traumatised them, and they had their own ways to cope with them, but Daan is visibly depressed.

Both seem to have an interest in fashion as they are self conscious on the way they dress. (Daan hates dirtying his clothes and O’saa likes being complimented on them)

Oh so youre both men with two “a ” in your names

Interpretation and headcanons

-O'saa had several people unknowingly open up about their problems at the confessional booth. Daan, who was wandering alone in the church with his thoughts eating him up, decided to give it a go, even if he wasn't religious, even if no one would respond. Part of him felt like it was sort of therapeutic. But to his surprise, someone did respond on the other side of the booth. Daan’s interest perks up when he notices the lack of professionalism from what he would assume to be a priest. They were judgmental and cold, but also understanding and interested at the same time. The rational thoughts of someone who doesn’t follow a specific belief and has their own morals they want to stand by. Yeah nothing like a priest Daan also hears some sort of familiarity with the voice and slowly realises who owns it. Daan would start playfully answering questions until O’saa couldn't keep up his identity. Unlike the other participants, he doesn't come out of the booth laughing; it’s just Daan looking at him smugly while the yellow mage’s expression is between disappointment and irritation. But regardless, they did have a nice talk in there, not that either of them would admit it.

-tbh a lot of their relationship is a back and forth one of them making a joke, the other roll their eyes and they would reply with “why are you always so serious???”

-O’saa secretely likes making Daan laugh. He keeps telling himself because his humor is more of his taste but its mostly cuz Daan always looks so gloomy

-Actually, these two don't know how to express their emotions. Daan sees how distant O’saa is from everyone and kind of wants him to be able to settle in with the group. O'saa, who doesn’t like to show his sympathy, still tries to make Daan laugh at times because he seems worryingly miserable and sad (his own jokes tend to make him laugh more than Daan, however). They just try to cheer each other up in the most complex brain gymnastic game by poking fun and making bad jokes with the worst timing possible, which mostly confuses the both of them more than anything else.

- O’saa doesnt like Daan’s smoking and drinking habits. But he does admit that it gives him a certain charm and the drinks he makes for him

-When O’saa revealed the identity of the Sulfur god to Daan there was this sting of empathy he felt for him despite Nas’hara’s scolding. And didn’t want to reveal to much not just for the sake of forbidden otherworldly knowledge but to spare him from such heavy info when he’s already going though so much grief.

-Daan was, deep down, extremely grateful for O’saa sharing his knowledge. When they met later, he insisted on taking care of O'saa's wounds after he was shot by August’s arrows. But O’saa is always on guard and asks Daan to take his vest off while he holds on to it and his scalpel. He will grab the back of his neck, warning Daan that If he tries anything funny, he will deal him a fatal blow. Despite the fact that it was supposed to create tension, the two were never this physically close to each other before…

-Daan would notice O’saa fragrance and Osaa would notice Daan’s lipstick

-Now sex is a difficult topic. Something that forces them into a state they so desperately tried to avoid their whole lives. The feeling becoming undone by sharing something with someone special or showing vulnerability. A primal feeling, feeling alive. They had a quick fuck to release steam. They try to convince themselves that its for personal satisfaction or giving a helping hand but it ever hardly felt like that. They still had this connection they refused or couldn’t to share with spoken words. It never went too far, but it was never bad. Quite the contrary, the sex was good but always too short

-O’saa realised he had developped a worshipping kink because of Daan. But Daan noticed it much earlier.

[waterfall-ambience]

thinking about the future lol

i dont know how to do it but i think i should pursue art as a career. even if i was stressed about making the sol comic i still really enjoyed it and the response has been better than i could have hoped for, and drawing it made me feel more like a person than i have in several years (or it could be partly due to other factors like the fact that its now my turn with the sun, i had my sol arc and found friends to hang out with, the depression lifting, etc. who knows).

but i feel alive and i think my skills can be better utilised in an artistic and storytelling space. i used to think i would or should do science because it's more stable, the industry isn't so much of a wreck compared to something like the animation industry, and because i was good at it. me getting decently good grades in science is probably what kept me there bc its easier to justify staying if you like it enough and if your grades don't give you reason for pause. but i want to tell stories. i want to create. the analytical side of my brain is wired to think about the technical side of art, about themes and motifs and how to improve. the people who i think will go far in academia are the ones who are really interested in their area of study and think about it in their spare time. i dont do that unfortunately. the stuff i think about is art and media and breaking down how stories are told.

i used to think i could do both, since i've been told so much that i could do both, but uni has proved me dead wrong. i havent drawn properly in a long time because of it, and the reason the sol comic exists at all is because i could justify going crazy because it was for school. i have to dedicate myself to one thing so i can focus and actually improve.

i dont think i've wasted any time. if it took me 3 years to realise i wanted to do art as opposed to science then so be it, and i've also met a lot of cool people in more advanced research programs and talking to them has given me a lot of perspective. if not for these past few years i probably would've ended up wondering if i should've pursued science instead. and maybe i still will be doing that even as an artist. i dont think i will have the same call to do science when doing art, and im glad i know now.

watch this age well or poorly.

[romanarose]

Life update if anyone cares.

I only post this bc i was posting my depressing shit for months and a lot of people were reaching out in concern <3

cw sever depression, self harm, suicide, csa, SA, all the bad. but also lots of good <3

TLDR: Despite a god-awful semester, i got all a's and b's

Everyone thats been following me the last few months has seem my personal posts about how fucking awful things have been for me.

I've dealt with fact I can no longer deny that what happened to me was CSA, despite being on a milder side of things. That sparked an absolutely spiral. I didnt sleep for months which made things worse. School, I got an F on a midterm and i NEVER get F's on writing assignments.

Work had its complications and i quit and then rescinded that quit two days later. I was so constantly depressed in my dorm my roommate literally told me i needed to go to the basketball game with them bc i was sitting in a depression hovel none stop. I only went to services twice this whole time, one shabbat and once for Rosh Hoshannah.

I burned the ever living fuck out of my fingers, yall remember that one? lol.

In novemeber i had relapsed so severely on self harm i thought i had accidentally killed myself. I should've called 911. I thought I was bleeding out and/or going into shock. I then worked myself up more by going down pages of the internet about medical shook and people dying from it. that did not help my heart rate. I couldn't stand, I couldnt see straight for a while.

I could not afford an ambulance or a hospital stay as i am uninsured and only ork 25 hours a week. not a lot of money.

All this happened and I didn't miss work. This is not a brag, this is me not being able to makegood choices for myself.

Finally, thanksgiving break hit. Thank fucking god. I WANTED to use those 4 days of absolutely nothing to get to my TWO BIG RESEARCH PAPERS I HADNT STRTED YET but alas, I was SICK. I was so sick, in fact, and so hoped up on cough medicine for 3 days i was incomprehensible.

I was so physically ill, i couldnt even think about how mentally ill i was. I slept and slept and slept. And by the time sunday hit, I felt so recharged.

My failed midterm was so bad and so not me my professsor reached out to me. Im close with him (in a v appropriate way lol, hes a bruce springsteen fan too) and i felt comfortable telling him essentially that for a few months there things were severe, and I really should've gone in for a 72 hour hold multiple times and i was not safe. through a few lines of resources, I ended up back in therapy bc my school added a new therapist that is a woman (i stopped going last year bc i didnt like seeing a man)

I like my new therapist.

Anway, in about 2 weeks I wrote 2 12 page research papers, 2 book report papers, 1 science paper did 2 presentations, took 2 finals, wrote 2 more finals with essay questions, and at the end of it all, not only did I not fail any classes...

I GOT ALL A'S AND B'S! Which means my gpa is still high enough to renew my scholarship for my last year

I am so fucking proud of myself for accomplishing all this despite suffering so fucking badly. I havnt felt pain like that in years, just agony.

I had a down turn again over christmas bc my siblings were literally ass, upto and including making fun of me for not ating (i am multiple accounts of sexual trauma from several people, so im scared of dating), making fun of my eating, and my sister slapping me and my older brother hitting me. Was a bad time. But for right now, im in the place im staying for break (all january) im back at my old day care and they love me, and olive garden at this store has been going great

Im hoping next semester to be better, im hopful at least

Anyway, thank you so much to everyone who has supported my writing has supported me through these times. It makes me happy that i came her to share my silly little moon knight x reader series, not really intending on writing a whole lot, but next thing i know, i have friends and a lil community. so thank you <3

[prodigal-explorer]

so as someone who is only on chapter one of omori and is obsessed with it here are my thoughts as a new member of the fandom

bear in mind that i haven’t finished the game. i only just got to that one creepy forest place? like the one after the spiders? please don’t spoil!!

but spoilers for everything before that below

1) I HATE BASIL. he’s such a stupid little punk. “uwu im so smol and helpless and i always get bullied and i’m so sweet and innocent” I JUST KNOW THAT FUCKER IS HIDING SOMETHING. everytime i end back in that stupid white room it’s because HES DOING SOME SUSSY SHIT. i also just hate him and everything about him and i know for a damn fact that he’s hiding something horrible behind that sweet little smile and he thinks he’s tricking me but he’s NOT I KNOW HIS GAME.

anyway.

2) i literally cannot decide on a favorite character. i have a least favorite, that’s pretty obvious, but when it comes to a favorite im torn. i LOVE omori, aubrey, kel, and hero all the same! i love mari too but i’m a little salty against her because all her hints for the quests are severely unhelpful 😭 but i still love her tho. i just love the main four so so much and i physically cant choose who i like better. poor little aubrey seems so scared and alone when she has the pink hair and she’s so kind in the little space world thing. hero is a sweetheart and i can’t wait to meet him in the colorful world where i’m moving or whatever. and kel is literally so me 😂 it’s not even funny he just does whatever the fuck he wants and that deserves some respect on his name. and omori is a kickass main character who has a cool thing going for him. but these four characters are sooo well crafted and i love how they work together! it’s a great dynamic balance!

3) i’m either a really bad gamer or the game is super long. i finished the prologue in like seven hours. it took SO LONG. i’m not used to indie games taking that long to play considering that i got through all of undertale in like 10-12 hours my first time. it’s awesome! i love finding all the secrets and talking to all the npcs but DAMNNN.

4) this game has so. much. detail. it’s insane. like the sheer amount of mini games and tiny pockets of lore. it’s like higher than undertale level and i don’t mean to keep going back to undertale but i see a lot of similarities in the game style. i also totally got sucked into playing like 30 rounds of blackjack on omoris computer. it was cool af.

5) the fighting mechanics are super hard. maybe i just suck at strategy but i am so bad at the fights that i just run away whenever i have the opportunity 😭 it’s a problem. i also have no clue how the happy sad angry shit works, i just make omori sad so stab has an attack boost and make aubrey angry so headbutt has an attack boost but other than that i don’t really use it at all and i don’t understand it. maybe that’s why it took me literally 10 tries to get past space ex boyfriend? it’s really fun i just think it’s supposed to be easier than it is and i just missed a memo on strategy.

6) i really love the message so far. the way that mental health is portrayed as something that’s a never ending journey. omori doesn’t just breathe and then everything’s okay, the game highlights realistic coping strategies and makes things like depression, anxiety, and phobias to understandable for any audience through a very creative medium: an indie video game. it’s genius. and i just love how it’s been approached so far, it’s very inspiring!

7) i’m terrified that this fandom is gonna make me mad, i swear to god if i just walk in and see a bunch of basil stan’s i’m turning and walking back out 💀 i mean okay maybe i’ll like basil better later but chances for that seem very low right now. my sister told me that apparently he went through some trauma thing? womp womp don’t care he’s an annoying mf who keeps taking me back to that boring white room where i stab myself, he’s a party pooper and i want a tornado to blow his dumb little flower house down.

[hulahoopsoupgroup]

ive ranted about this to my friend like 3 times this week but ill rant again because im just so fed up and angry.

21st century american capitalism is so dismal. we put everything behind a paywall. you cant exist without paying money and you cant go anywhere or do anything without paying.

you have to pay to be born and you have to pay to survive. if you cant pay to survive, you have to pay to die. theres no escaping it.

most jobs in the usa require a college degree, but a lot of people cant afford to go to college. its honestly infuriating that people cant get the jobs they want because the education is so expensive. why do i have to pay tens of thousands of dollars to the government so i can get a job that will probably only barely keep me afloat in todays economy?

why do we pay writers and artists so little when they are one of the most vital parts of society. where would we be without the painters and authors who create beautiful scenes and impactful stories?

weve overcomplicated society so much that you have to jump through so many financial hoops to just, exist. you have to have insurance for everything. everything costs so much. why do i have to pay over 2 dollars for a bottle of water at work? why are the bags of candy 5 dollars?

all of this just makes everyone miserable, no doubt. i had a conversation with 5 other people and all of us have had severe depression/anxiety, had to be medicated, or needed a lot of therapy/not been able to afford it. and im not stigmatizing therapy in any way. if i could afford it, i would absolutely go, but my job doesnt pay much, so even one session would set me back so far regarding money.

the fact that its so normal for 11-13 year olds to start experiencing severe depression is so concerning. its almost like a rite of passage. ask anyone in gen z if they were depressed in middle school and theyll probably say "yeah." thats concerning.

young people's suicide rates have risen over 50% in the past 10 years. 42% of gen z considered suicide in 2021-22. the fact that i know 3 or 4 people (myself included) who have attempted suicide before age 16 or 17 is insane.

we're so depressed about the future and reasonably so. its so bleak. the world is burning, people are killing each other over such trivial things, nobody listens to each other, and the government is just going insane. how badly do you have to screw up to make a 13 year old want to kill themself because they feel like the future is so bleak?

how badly do you have to screw up to prevent so many people from going to college and getting jobs to support themselves?

how badly do you have to screw up to bar people from something as simple as going to the doctor and earning a basic living wage?

and to think that there are still people who think this is fine. there are some people who sit back and say this all makes sense, that it makes sense that you have to pay thousands of dollars for a few stitches in your hand if you have a cooking accident, that you have to insure every last bit of your life, that people killing each other over ideological differences is natural and cant be helped.

america needs to wake the fuck up and get shit done. its destroying its own future. its making the future generation kill itself because of how miserable it is. fucking do better and maybe you wouldnt burn to the ground in a dumpster fire

[cat3ch1sm]

🌲~ hi everyone! im back with another gwen Stacy angst, again written by the wonderful star on tiktok! if you don’t know what im talking about i began a series a little while ago where i basically write fics for their angst atsv headcanons that will continue indefinitely. so far it’s been a blast :3

🌻~ i am also still working on requests!! i promise lots are coming out soon! 💚💚 thank you all for your patience

🌿~ below is the headcanon i will be writing for!

💚𓆩♡𓆪☁️ suicide, death, suicide attempt, pills, graphic descriptions of depression

enjoy the writing <33

Jess Drew made her way to Miguel’s office in a huff, swerving around other Spider-People and storming down the hallway. She had just barely parked her motorcycle at her headquarters in her own dimension, having just returned from a mission, when the AI Lyla appeared out of nowhere, telling her that Miguel wanted her at HQ. Seriously, she was several months pregnant and couldn’t even sit down for a second before Miguel called her in. But her position as Miguel’s right hand was demanding, and physical limitations were hardly ever able to deter Jess. So despite her annoyance, she entered Miguel’s office.

When she walked in, the disgruntled man had his back to her, as usual, and the glowing hologram of Lyla by his side turned to look at Jess as she went in. “Alright, Miguel, this better be good.” Jess sounded impatient as she tapped her foot. “I’m not usually supposed to be here right now, and you know I have things to do in my home dimension.”

Miguel closed the glowing windows he had open on his console before turning to face Jess. He seemed world-weary as usual; his frown lines looked deeper. “Yeah, I know, and I apologize for that inconvenience,” Miguel told her, a little disdainfully. “But we have a bit of a problem. Gwen’s disappeared again.”

Jess almost let out a groan of exasperation, but caught herself, folding her arms across her chest. “Again?” She rolled her eyes to the ceiling and blew out air from her lips. “Miguel, are you sure she isn’t just with that boy- Hobie- like she was last time? Every time she’s off our radar, she’s usually over there.”

Lyla chimed in this time, teleporting to Jess’s side. “Nope. Already checked myself, and Spider-Punk says he hasn’t seen her today. But the part that concerns me is that I can’t pick up her status in my systems anymore- her location, her video and audio feed, nothing. Which means Gwen’s taken off her watch.”

“My guess is she went to that one kid’s dimension- the one she won’t quit talking about,” Miguel intoned stiffly, his eyes narrowing.

Jess’s frown of aggravation had turned into one of slight confusion as she took all this in. “Taken off her watch?” she murmured, placing her tongue in her cheek and knitting her brow contemplatively. “That means-“

“Yeah,” Miguel cut in, sounding more irritated than ever. “She probably thinks she can escape in that other dimension- what was it?”

“Earth-1210,” Lyla supplied.

“Right,” Miguel continued. Considering we ordered her personally to stay away from there, she could be hiding from us.”

Jess, however, wasn’t satisfied with this explanation. “No- no, that doesn’t make any sense. Gwen ain’t stupid. She knows she can’t last long in a dimension that isn’t her own without a watch. And I been told her to stay away from there. I don’t think she’d go against me again.”

“Meaning that Gwen is in fact in her own dimension.” Miguel looked slightly irritated as he turned around with an irritated sigh. “We go through all the trouble of taking her away from there so she doesn’t get arrested by her father, and what does she do? Go back there.” He let out an annoyed huff. “Dios mío, cada día me arrepiento de haber dejado entrar a los adolescentes en esta sociedad. Demasiados problemas.”

Jess frowned. Gwen hadn’t spoken much about her home ever since Miguel recruited her to the Spider-Society, at least not to her- so it was odd that she would just suddenly return without even letting her friends know, not to mention shutting off her watch. Alarm bells were starting to sound in Jess’s head. Something was amiss.

Lyla noticed the change in Jess’s demeanor, her small hologram appearing beside her with a brief flash of light and pixels. “Jess? You gonna go after her?”

Miguel turned to face both women, expression hard. “Why bother? If Gwen wants to disappear, let her. Especially if she’s taken off her watch. If she wants to drop out of the society, let her. I have no time to be chasing kids.”

Jess ignored Miguel, flicking her gaze towards Lyla from the corners of her eyes. “Yeah. I’ll head out now.”

“So quickly?” Lyla queried, seeming slightly caught off guard. “You just said you-“

“I know what I said, Lyla.” Jess held up a hand to cut Lyla off. “But I’m going anyway.”

Her tone was more severe than usual, and when Lyla detected the change in demeanor she didn’t protest any further. Miguel gave Jess a look, but was silenced with an equally stark glare, and he said nothing when she left the room, already getting her watch in gear.

——————————————————————

Gwen Stacy was perched precariously at the back edge of the Brooklyn Tower. Her legs dangled in the air as her feet overlooked the bustling city below. It was dusk, and a beautiful sunset illuminated the sky and the city with a peaceful golden glow. All the constantly glaring lights from the buildings and cars and the general rush of of New York made this a rare sight, and it was certainly worth the wait.

But Gwen wasn’t paying attention to any of that. She was so still she could have been mistaken for a statue. She wore her Spider-suit, but didn’t have the hood over her head. Her watch from the Spider-Society sat beside her, screen cracked and wristband broken. Her face was stone and her eyes were vacant.

Gwen’s spirits hadn’t exactly been high after she left home with Miguel and Jess. Day after day, she’d spent hours swallowing back tears because of how much she missed her father, and her old life. But Gwen had found friends. Much of the Spider-Society had welcomed her with open arms and comforting words. She had met Hobie and Pavitr- who came to feel more like a family than anything else eventually. But deep down, the whole time, even when Gwen was happy on the exterior- there was a hole, more like a void, that sucked things in- that started out small but slowly grew inside her. The void engulfed every moment she ever felt happy away from home. She had tried to avoid it, deny it, lie to herself and tell her that she was alright without her old life. The band that she deeply regretted quitting. Her school friends. The memories of Peter and her mother.

Her father.

And then Gwen wasn’t okay anymore. Every moment she spent with Jess as her mentee- and sometimes her friend- gave her painful reminders of having a parent. Being someone’s daughter again. It was when Jess would celebrate Gwen’s little victories with her and every now and then gossiped about Miguel to her. When Jess taught her how to be a better hero and offered solace when the hole within Gwen sometimes felt bigger than her heart. Even when Jess scolded Gwen, it only made her think of home.

And then Gwen had befriended Pavitr and Hobie. They had become her closest friends. Hobie became like an older brother to her and Pavitr like someone she had known her whole life. It should have been nice. But the void just pulled that in too. All the good Gwen felt when she was with them just was ripped away, leaving only dark thoughts of Peter and how much she longed for his presence. And the terrible guilt that was left, constantly screaming at her for replacing him. And Miles? God. He was too painful to even think of for a second.

Gwen felt as if she was letting everyone down somehow. All this charity and kindness and friendship she had received and she was still plagued with depression. She felt so ungrateful. Shouldn’t having friends and a whole new support system make her feel happier? She was so lost and confused. Why did things that used to make her happy now just feel like a chore? Gwen hadn’t been near a drum set in weeks. She never swung on her webs like she used to unless Jess or Miguel told her that she had a mission. Her Spider-Suit she was wearing now was dingy and worn.

So the hole grew bigger.

All this had made Gwen think that she would be happier if she just went back home. For a moment she did consider simply going back. She ached for the warmth of her father’s hug, for the embrace of a home that knew her better than she knew herself, to be within walls that had comforted her without fail every time she was down.

Which was why it hurt her so, so much to recall that that home wasn’t a thing that existed for her anymore.

The look in his eyes, the authority of a cop in his voice when he pointed a gun at Gwen- his little girl- it was a memory that tortured her every single day. She had never felt so completely betrayed and utterly alone. The same hands that had wiped her tears when she sobbed over Peter- the hands that had held and hugged her for hours when she lost her mother- were the same hands that lifted a firearm from his belt and pointed them at her- straight at her. Gwen could see straight down the barrel. Every time she closed her eyes, that was all she saw. The same memory stuck on repeat, that tore a little bit more from her very soul every time she relived it.

The void had made it so that this pain was all Gwen felt. Her chest and lungs ached constantly. It made her limbs heavy and eyes tired. She had not slept in what felt like weeks- the way that the hole left by the home she no longer had and the mind which she no longer felt safe in made sleep impossible. Gwen had done a decent job of putting up a facade, but in truth she felt like a ghost. She no longer fought back the sting of tears in her eyes or swallowed lumps in her throat. She was numb- and exhausted in every way imaginable. The pain felt like it had so far exceeded her threshold that she simply was unable to manage it anymore.

And that was when Gwen started to think of death.

At first it didn’t seem like anything too awful. She mostly thought of it when she was alone, maybe lying in bed or something. ‘Maybe I’d be better off dead.’ But she would scold herself, call herself selfish, and toss the thought aside- but not away.

But these thoughts began to plague her more and more often. It swallowed up all her reason. She thought nothing of being Spider-Woman or of her friends. Was death really so bad? Being alive was more painful than dying ever could be. Lately she just felt like she was sleepwalking, or like she wasn’t in her body anymore. Everything was gray and dull. Even when Gwen wasn’t consciously thinking about things that made her sad, the weight of the feelings still dragged her down. The thoughts of death became more than just thoughts and formed into a monster, one that was always chasing after her with claws outstretched, one that she could never outrun no matter how she tried. And she was so tired of running that after a while, death began to seem more like an angel rather than a beast, one sent to deliver her from the hell she had been tormented by for months.

Gwen finally showed some sign of life as she looked up over the city, just as the last beams of sunlight faded into the night sky.

The monster inched closer and closer. It was creeping. It knew it didn’t have to run anymore.

Gwen fell over the edge.

She didn’t consciously realize she had fallen, but something within her that had been fighting and scratching at her very being for months suddenly felt settled.

Her eyes closed.

Jess flew through the night air at what seemed like light speed and caught the girl seconds before she hit the ground.

————————————————————

The trip back to headquarters was wordless. Gwen neither spoke nor showed any signs of actual life without being prompted. Jess’s grip on Gwen’s wrist was so tight it would’ve hurt Gwen had she not been so detached.

Jess had brought Gwen back to Miguel’s office, keeping the girl at her side the entire time. Miguel had been ready to object at the intrusion, but upon seeing the expression on Jess’s face and the state of Gwen beside her, he bit back his words. Lyla had been all over the two with questions, seeming frantic and concerned enough for an AI- all of which Jess answered in a flat but somehow very pained voice. Gwen didn’t even seem to be conscious of what was going on. Her hair hung over her face and her head was kept down so that a shadow concealed most of her eyes.

Gwen was ordered to remain at headquarters by Miguel, where she would be provided a bedroom that could be kept tabs on over surveillance. Lyla popped in from time to time. Nobody tried to get Gwen to speak. It was clear that was a futile mission. Eventually she had to be given sleeping pills.

It would not be the first time Gwen attempted to end her life. She got ahold of the sleeping pills before dawn the very next morning and made a second attempt, after which it was deemed that she wouldn’t be able to stay in the room alone. Jess wound up staying with her until morning, but eventually had to leave. Before departing, she told Lyla to make sure Gwen was not left alone, to which Lyla agreed and later summoned Spider-Punk.

Hobie was never seen without Gwen for several days after. Despite his disdain for being at the Spider-Society, he stayed with Gwen the whole time, who was not allowed to leave headquarters alone. He waited for her outside the bathroom and stayed awake with her until he watched her fall asleep. But after some time Hobie had business to attend to on his home world, and Jess wound up convincing Miguel to have Lyla remain by her side unless she was asleep or in the bathroom.

Gwen made three more attempts on her life before it seemed like she had decided to give up, or at least give it a rest. Even Miguel became concerned after the fourth time. She remained under constant surveillance for weeks. When she did leave headquarters eventually, Hobie, Pavitr, or any other acquaintance she had would always be with her.

But Gwen still hasn’t slept well.

[boxheadpaint]

hungry but not much to eat and tgen mildly depressing news, ok. obviously this is worsened by being hungry and not medicated yet. decide instead to go back to bed and lie to still to use up energy and sleep through hunger. Somehow this does not work and just end up more tired and more hungry. And still havent taken meds. my thrilling life. dove noises outside tho. wait i havent done a diary post in a bit hang on lemme rev up here.

ok back. Collapsed while cooking because im intwlligent, but did enjoy a good meal with my partner. watched some Star Trek while my body refused to regain energy so as to take a shower, and had to take a shower anyway. Have been much less depressed lately, though have been dealing with constant daytime fatigue for some reason. Im mr fall asleep. going to get groceries later today thank goodness

current goal in pokerogue because of course. Like obviously yes shiny farming but also at this point im trying to make the most disgusting dog possible. Behold

Completely and utterly nasty thing.

im not sure how to get back into digital art sooner rather than later, my computer has become immensely annoying to use. Beyond having to prop it by hand because of lack of back panel, it also heats up a bunch very quickly and the cursor is Still an irritating molecule off center to me- likely because of the angle I have to look at when it’s laying flat from no adequate support.

I don’t want to ditch digital completely because of some minor inconveniences but my patience with the machine has been wearing thin for a long while now. at least it’s not giving me notifications to update to windows 11. Like fuck off and such.

Lately I find myself more and more mad about advertisements and marketing. Beyond the disruptive nature of these things and the wastefulness theyre also straight up stupid and just make things look worse by existing. It doesn’t matter how many different ads for reeses you show me with the bojack guy over them, and in fact the more I see them the more likely I am to just say the governments putting poison shit in it so people will stop buying them. Also fuck everything that charges more money for a gluten free version of a product

come June im going on a ride up north and visiting my sister briefly, which I look forward to. There was some miscommmunication about days so I thot I was going to be able to hang out with her for a full day on her weekend, but it turned out that was unavailable and it made me upset. still, even if it’s just for a few hours after her shift ill be happy to spend any time with her. I miss being just a room away from her at a given moment sometimes and wish I could have appreciated that time more, though I know a part of why I didn’t was the house itself and its effect on me. Swagless really

anyway somehow I managed to be up until 3 am once again. Im marking the date down as today even if I started this post yesterday. Hoping to relax and get good news soon, or at least neutral news. News of a sort

5/18/2024, the dog is also several levels higher now than pictured. Like by a lot