#the fact that k2 QUIT again too

[feelingtheaster99]

I cannot believe Ally fucking did that K2 shit to Fabian again when they could have fucking let Kristen Applebees have that moment

[shortkingkenny]

For the ask game you reblogged, I suggest Kenny, since you seem to like him and I'm curious what you think <3

(for this game!)

hello and thank you! I do like Kenny! he is, in fact, my favorite little guy.

1: sexuality headcanon - "a hole's a hole and a hole's the goal"

2: otp - K2! although you'd never be able to tell that from my blog. runner ups: crenny, stenny, kenrietta, kenman, and lately have been quite fond of twenny. :^) he's versatile to me.

3: brotp - Kenman again?! I dove into it a bit in my Cartman answer. no one can make Kenny laugh quite like that wretched boy can. he's eternally entertained by his schemes and pranks and misfortunes. phantomchill said it best here.

I also like to think about his friendship with Stan. out of the m4, their friendship is simple and uncomplicated which is something Kenny would appreciate.

4: notp - bbbbbbbbunny

5: first headcanon that pops into my head - illegal street racer when he's older. in my head he's a car guy, he likes going fast. nascar, right? vroom vroom.

there's no risk except, like, legal risk I guess. but who cares about that?

6: favorite line from this character - I have to pass every time because I immediately forget every line from every episode of this show.

actually, can I be cheesy and say "goodbye, you guys..." because that made me burst into tears when I was like, 10 and still makes me misty eyed to this day.

7: one way in which I relate to this character - something I latched onto when I was younger is Kenny's tendency to get left behind. often because he, you know, dies, but that's how it feels when you're young... being ignored and forgotten to the point where you might as well be dead. that's very dramatic but I was a real lonely kid taking solace in South Park of all things.

now that I'm older, I'd say his sense of responsibility to the people around him, even when it's not asked of him and especially when he should probably be taking care of himself first.

8: thing that gives me second hand embarrassment about this character - when he ate that doodoo. :( Kenny don't do that.

9: cinnamon roll or problematic fave? - too many people write off Kenny's assholery to make him a cinnamon roll. he's a problematic fave! >:3

[teotalksaboutstuff]

The Engines of Sodor: Headcanons Part 3-The Main 7

@mean-scarlet-deceiver was the inspiration behind most of these headcanons, and I thank them for their deeper look into how toxic a workplace Sodor actually was in the mid 1920s. This is, in addition to their origins and basis, going to include a look into their psyches, especially during the Big 4 era and the interlude between nationalization and the end of steam. Before we go on, MAJOR TW FOR DISCUSSIONS OF DYSFUNCTIONAL FAMILY DYNAMICS AND POSSIBLY ABUSE.

Thomas the Tank Engine

Thomas, an LBSCR E2, was effectively stolen by TFC 1 when he was built in 1915. He was meant to be the LBSCR’s No. 105, but Sir Topham Hatt was a brilliant forger and after No. 105 went missing the LBSCR built a new one. He was basically feral from this point until about 1925. This is due to his Golden Engine status on the railway in the eyes of TFC 1, who essentially let his behavior go completely unchecked to the point that it was the other engines having to intervene (for example, Gordon in Thomas and Gordon). Edward was a big brother figure to him and did genuinely want to see him grow, hence why he allowed him to take his trucks in Thomas and the Trucks. Thomas actually managed to mature somewhat between here and 1952, but then TFC 1′s retirement grew near. Thomas had never quite needed to process such emotions before, and such began to act out due to grief. Thomas’ mental health only got worse over the next four years as he well and truly did not know how to cope with loss like this. This was partially why Percy was transferred to the Ffarquhar line by TFC 2 in 1955. Eventually, he came to terms with these events, and ever since then has been the engine that we know today.

Edward the Blue Engine

Edward, a Furness Railway K2 “Larger Seagull”, was purchased by TFC 1 from the Furness Railway in 1915. He’d been built by Sharp Stewart and Co. in 1896. He started to be used less and less as Henry, Gordon, and the Loaned Engines arrived. Most of the Loaned Engines quickly formed an Anti-Edward club because they thought him too old. Then, one day in 1923, he was taken out again, and was used on the Main Line briefly as a mixed traffic engine. This period of barely any service led him to have massive anxiety due to his status as a Peacemaker or even a Hero and alarming overeagerness to do anything for TFC 1 and to do it as well as possible. Initially he was also anxious about TFC 1′s retirement, though as soon as TFC 2 took the helm his anxiety was just... gone. TFC 1′s death didn’t completely rock his world as he, unlike Thomas, Henry, and Gordon, knew how to cope with loss due to his brothers having been scrapped long before this. He became much more secure in himself virtually overnight due to this and healed up into the old, wise engine he is now. 

Henry the Green Engine

Henry, an essentially custom built 4-6-0, was built in 1919 off of plans stolen from Sir Nigel Gresley. He was a cross between a GNR A1 and large boilered C1, and due to the flaws that came with this was a terrible steamer. TFC 1 saw him as a scapegoat because Henry wasn’t what he’d ordered (a GCR 8B/LNER C4). Due to this, he had a severe mental breakdown one day in 1923 and stuck himself in the tunnel. TFC 1 shut him in there, and when he finally was let out, he realized that he was in fact cared for by others, and this quickly trauma bonded him to Edward and Gordon. This trauma bond relationship continued until around 1935 when Henry was rebuilt and returned to his green livery, which at this point represents the re-establishment of healthy boundaries and that mental healing has happened. This said, he never did quite branch out from his scapegoat status in the eyes of TFC 1, and he was very pleased when TFC 2 took over. However, TFC 1′s death still left a mark due to trust issues yet unresolved at this time. These eventually got better thanks to TFC 2′s competent and non-narcissistically abusive management of the railway.

Gordon the Big Engine

Gordon, built as an experimental GNR A1, was built in 1922 specially for the NWR. TFC 1 also saw him as a scapegoat, largely due to his preference for smaller engines. This is largely what pushed him into the Edward Anti Club, but only at first. After the events of Edward and Gordon, he was swayed away from this, to such a degree that he concocted a plan to save Henry from being shut up in the tunnel forever, and managed to get everyone except for TFC 1 and the Edward Anti Club (by this point formed only of City of Vicarstown, Alfred, and Cecil) in on the plan. He purposefully burst his safety valve and hammed up how he acted in the aftermath, as well as suggesting Henry pull the train once Edward failed to do so (there was a block jammed into his regulator on the off chance he actually managed to pull it). This experience, as stated with Henry, trauma bonded the three railway engines together. Healthy boundaries were eventually established, and Gordon continued on as the express engine we know until TFC 1′s retirement, in which he essentially starts comparing TFC 2 unfavorably to him to cope with the change, even if deep down he knows his relationship with TFC 2 is actually functional and healthy. Unfortunately, TFC 1 died and Gordon continued this coping mechanism for quite some time after, to Henry’s chagrin. He thankfully stopped after a while.

James the Red Engine

James, built as one of two experimental L&YR Class 28s (the other being Winston the loaned engine) started life as L&YR No. 21. He was also briefly LMS No. 12551 before coming to the NWR in 1925 in exchange for Winston. James was the larger of the two, with 5′6″ driving wheels as opposed to Winston’s 5′1″. James too was seen as a scapegoat by TFC 1 as he was associated with Henry and Gordon, who see him as a little brother figure. James was a simple sort of engine who only ever thought of paintwork and passengers, especially after he arrived on Sodor, and the human staff loved him for it. His developing rivalry with Edward and brotherly relation to Henry and Gordon were like therapy for all three engines. This is where the look into what happened post-TFC 1 retirement/death stops, as everyone from James onwards processed grief in ways that most people would consider normal.

Percy the Small Engine

Percy was built for an industrial railway by Avonside in 1897 and was ostensibly built to the same design as GWR No. 1340 “Trojan”. However, he was rebuilt in 1910 with a GWR 1361 boiler and several other parts from other builders, most notably Hunslet. He was purchased in 1925 and arrived to an absolute mess of a railway, and just decided it was fine because it was somehow better than any industrial site he had worked. He was pretty funny when he talked to the other engines, but due to this no one took him all that seriously, and they all saw him as the NWR Gadfly. James, and by proxy the other big engines, see Percy as a little brother figure, though it took the other two a while to soften to him. 

Toby the Tram Engine

Toby is a GER C53/LNER J70. Before he became NWR No. 7, he was GER No. 127, then LNER No. 7127 after the grouping, then LNER No. 8221 in 1946, and finally BR No. 68221. After he was withdrawn from BR in 1951, TFC 1 purchased him directly from BR. He is probably the most mentally healthy of all the engines, and has managed to avoid much of the dysfunction because things had gotten much better by this point, and also he was only ever stationed on the Ffarquhar line.

Probably gonna do mostly TVS exclusives after this as there is barely any ambiguity to how characters that featured in both or even just the RWS arrived.

[myriadimagines]

Babysitting Duty

Star Wars (Rogue One) One Shot

Pairing: Reader x Cassian Andor

Other Characters: K-2SO, Jyn Erso

Warnings: violence, death 

Summary: You’ve always felt like Cassian is constantly leaving you behind on missions. So when Cassian orders for you and K2 to stay with the ship during your mission in Jedha, you and K2 decide to disobey his orders, leading to some near death experiences and a surprising confession.

Original: Not Your Babysitter — Part 1 & Part 2 

Word Count: 2,469

A/N: the amount of time it took me to finish this was offensive. i literally started the draft back in september. i almost didn’t rewrite this one bc this didn’t have an actual request to go with it, but part 2 had a request so i just decided to combine both together into one. anyway!! happy new years!!! heres a one shot. as a treat.

reblog/feedback/comments are very much appreciated!!!

You button up your knapsack, shoving your blaster into your holster before you straighten, hopping off the ship. You see Cassian a short distance away with Jyn, the two of them crouched by the edge of the cliff staring off at the Holy City. It’s situated in the distance, Imperial ships looming in the sky, with a giant Star Destroyer about it all. 

Find Saw Gerrera, in a city swarming with stormtroopers. Sucking in a sharp breath, you think, shouldn’t be too hard, right?

You walk up to Cassian, who hands his binoculars to Jyn as he goes through his backpack for his supplies. He looks up as you approach, and you sit down beside him as you can hear him explaining to Jyn, “Kyber crystals. It’s the fuel for the weapon.”

“The weapon your father’s building?” K2 chimes in, and Jyn looks over her shoulder, glaring at the droid with a steely gaze.  

“Maybe we should leave target practice behind.” Jyn slowly says, and you raise an amused eyebrow as you look up at K2.

“Are you talking about me?” K2 asks you and Cassian in disbelief, and you can’t help but chuckle as Cassian nods.

“She’s right. We need to blend in. Stay with the ship.” Cassian orders, and K2 shakes his head. 

“I can blend in!” K2 protests. “I’m an Imperial droid. The city is under Imperial occupation.” 

“Half the people want to reprogram you, the other half want to put a hole in your head.” Jyn explains, and you can see Cassian bite back a smile. As Jyn and K2 continue to bicker, you give Cassian a nudge.

“So what’s the plan?” you ask, and Cassian presses his lips together. His gaze lingers on you, before he looks away, and you resist the urge to sigh as you already know what’s coming next.  

“Stay with K2. We need someone with the ship in case we need to make an escape.” Cassian says, and your shoulders slump. 

“So you’re putting me on ship duty.” you don’t even bother hiding the disappointment in your tone. “Again.” 

Cassian looks almost apologetic as he looks up to meet your gaze, and there’s something else in his expression you can’t quite decipher. You should know by now not to expect so much with Cassian, with him constantly sidelining you during your missions together with no good reason for doing so. He reaches out, his hand landing on your shoulder as he gives it a little squeeze, and he tells you, “We’ll be back soon.” 

He gets up, and you watch as he walks off, not even bothering to try and argue with him. You can’t help but anxiously chew on your lip, feeling a sense of helplessness wash over you as he walks further away from you. He follows Jyn as she dumps a bag in K2’s arms, and K2 flinches as he remarks, “I’m surprised you’re so concerned with my safety.”

“I’m not.” Jyn curtly responds. “I’m just worried they might miss you, and hit me.” 

Cassian pats K2’s arm as he passes, and K2 lets the bag fall out of his arms, quietly remarking, “Doesn’t sound so bad to me.”

The bag crashes against the floor, and an awkward, heavy silence fills the air as Cassian and Jyn’s footsteps fade away. You can see their tiny figures making their way across the desert landscape, and you let out a heavy sigh as you look over your shoulder to see K2 marching back towards the ship. You pick up your own bag, reluctantly dragging your feet back to the ship, and you perch yourself on the edge of the ramp as K2 fiddles with the controls in the front. He sits in  the pilot’s seat, staring out through the window, and after a few moments, K2 remarks, “I can practically feel your disappointment from here, y/n.” 

“Well, because I am disappointed.” you scoff, and K2 looks over his shoulder at you. “I shouldn’t be stuck here with you when I’m more than capable of being out there with Cassian and Jyn.” 

“You’re not the one who should be complaining here,” K-2 grumbles, and you turn to look at the droid with a raised eyebrow. “I’m clearly the more unfortunate in this situation.”

Your hands ball into fists, and had it not been for the fact that K-2 is made of steel, you would’ve punched him. 

“You know what?” you straighten, pushing yourself off the ramp and getting to your feet. You look at K2, placing your hands defiantly on your hips as you declare, “Screw Cassian’s orders. Let’s just go!”

“I would rather defect back to the Empire than do that.” K2 deadpans. Rolling your eyes, you let out an annoyed huff as K2 continues, “Do you know what your odds are of getting killed? In summary, they’re high. And if Imperial troops don’t get you first, Cassian probably will because you’re disobeying him. He already thinks you’re a troublemaker.”

“Excuse me?” you gape at the droid. Shaking your head, you snatch up your bag, fuelled with anger and spite that you can feel brewing in the pit of your stomach. You start marching in the direction of the Holy City, and you snap, “I refuse to sit around here anymore. I’m going to show Cassian tha—”

You jump back at the distant sound of an explosion, and your eyes widen as you can see a stream of dark smoke menacingly curling from the city into the sky. You instinctively reach for your blaster, and you turn to look over your shoulder at K2, who had rushed to trail after you in an attempt to stop you. You can see his eyes flicker from the city before back at you, and you don’t even need to try and convince K2 further as he remarks, “Let’s just go. Cassian and Jyn clearly don’t know how to stay out of trouble.”

—

The entire city is in chaos, the sound of blaster fire and sporadic explosions filling your ears. You and K2 duck into an empty street, avoiding as much of the violence as possible. K2 had made it very clear that your mission was to find Jyn and Cassian, not to join in on the fight, and for the first time today, you agreed with him. You keep your finger gripped around your blaster, and the two of you sprint past an abandoned tank, engulfed in flames and surrounded by the bodies of fallen stormtroopers. You hate how your mind jumps to the worst conclusions, but with so much death surrounding you and no sign of Cassian and Jyn, you can’t help but wonder how they’ve managed to escape all this.

A grenade explodes close by, and you find yourself blown backwards. You scramble to take cover by a collapsed building, and you raise your blaster just in time to fire at two stormtroopers approaching you. K2 calls out name, quickling pointing out an extremist rebel that’s about to  throw another grenade in your direction and you quickly shoot him. Shaking his head, K2 remarks, “I have to say, we’re not making a lot of progress.”

You survey the scene, before pointing at an alley to your right. “Come on, let’s go!”

You scramble to your feet, sprinting away from the main street. You can hear stormtroopers on your tail, and you and K2 navigate the narrow alleys, darting in between the buildings. You’re scrambling to find a way to lose the stormtroopers behind you, and you fire a few shots over your shoulder before your blaster is shot out of your hands. You swear under your breath, and you reach over to topple over a stack of crates at your side, trying to improvise as they tumble onto the path. It buys you some time as the stormtroopers stumble over them, and K2 picks up a blaster from the body of a stormtrooper nearby, and you duck as K2 shoots the rest of them dead.

“You’re welcome.” K2 says, lowering the blaster, and you simply roll your eyes. You dust yourself off, picking up another fallen blaster off the floor, and the two of you turn a corner, just in time to watch a KX droid fall front of you. You defensively raise your blaster, before realising it was Jyn who fired the blast, you can see her eyes widen in horror before she registers you and K2 standing behind it. After a pause, K2 demands, “Did you know that wasn’t me?”

You bite a smile, and Jyn relaxes. The both of you lower your blasters as she shrugs, “Of course.” 

You gaze wanders over to Cassian, who fiddles with his blaster as his eyes momentarily meet yours. Relief washes over you, but before you can say anything, Cassian turns away before he chastises, “I thought I told the two of you to stay on the ship.”

“You did. But having to sit with y/n is boring, and you were in trouble.” K2 responds, and you turn around to glare at the droid, mouth opening in protest. K2 marches past you as he sees one of the fallen stormtroopers struggle to get up, attempting to toss a grenade at the four of you. K2 catches it with ease as you shoot the stormtrooper, and Jyn backs away as K2 tosses the grenade over his shoulder, just in time to hit an incoming squad. You flinch as the grenade explodes, and K2 deadpans, “There are a lot of explosions for two people blending in. You’re right, we should just wait on the ship.”

Cassian resists the urge to roll his eyes, and he turns his attention to you. He shakes his head, before saying, “I expected better from you.”

“What?” you stare at Cassian in disbelief, and you can feel anger and frustration bubbling up inside of you. Pointing to K2, and you splutter, “You left me with babysitting duty, Cassian! You know, maybe if I was with you in the first place, we wouldn’t be in this mess!”

You gesture wildly to the fallen stormtroopers around you just as K2’s head whips around in your direction. “You were babysitting? I’m the one who was on babysitting duty!”

“Enough.” Cassian waves his hand, quickly putting an end to you and K2’s arguing before it can further escalate, and you know K2 is biting back his remarks as much as you. You fold your arms across your chest, staring at Cassian, and he shakes his head. “Why can’t the two of you just follow orders?”

You grit your teeth, and you can feel months of accumulated frustration bubbling to the surface. You struggle to keep your voice steady as you retort, “Because your orders always consist of leaving me behind. I didn’t join the Rebellion to just sit on the ship with your droid, Cassian. K2 told me that you think I can’t keep myself out of trouble, but I’m a good fighter, and it’s about time you realised that.” 

Cassian’s jaw clenches, and he pinches the bridge of his nose as he tiredly mumbles, “K, that’s not what I told you.” 

“Well, that’s just how I interpreted the situation.” K2 defensively remarks, and you frown, confused at the exchange between the two. “And I was right. y/n almost got themselves killed. They almost got me killed!” 

“Wait, what did you tell K2 then?” you ask, and you can see Cassian gulp as he nervously avoids eye contact. You stare at Cassian, willing him to look at you insist, “Cassian, what’s going on?”

Cassian stays quiet, and if you didn’t know any better, you’d say he almost looks embarrassed. Jyn, from where she’s standing, looks between the two of you, before she remarks, “Oh, I think I’m beginning to see what’s happening here.” 

Cassian shoots her a look, before he suddenly grabs your arm, pulling you away from K2 and Jyn for more privacy. You reluctantly stumble after him, still feeling your residual anger, and Cassian lets out a quiet sigh as he fiddles with the zipper of his parka. After a pause, he finally admits, “I wanted you to stay behind because I didn’t want you to get hurt.” 

“How is that better from what K told me?” you huff, folding your arms across your chest. “So you really think I can’t keep myself out of troubl—”

“No, it’s more than that.” Cassian interrupts, borderline annoyed. Feelings are so frustrating, he bitterly thinks, and had it not been for the fact that he’s in love with you, he most certainly would’ve lost it by now. Shaking his head, Cassian finally reveals, “It’s because I care about you very deeply, y/n. And that might make me a selfish captain, but I don’t want to risk losing you.” 

You don’t respond, the gravity of Cassian’s words slowly sinking in. You open your mouth to respond, but find yourself at loss for words. Cassian himself can’t quite meet your gaze, almost too nervous to see the expression on your face, and you breathe out, “Oh.” 

“You should’ve stayed on the ship.” Cassian insists again, letting out a heavy sigh. You gulp, and you can feel your heart hammering inside your chest as he shakes his head. “I—”

“I don’t want to lose you either.” you blurt, and Cassian finally looks up at you, eyes wide. Letting out a shaky breath, you continue, “Do you know how nervous I get each time you go off alone?” 

Cassian blinks at you, before he softens slightly. “I’m sorry. I guess we’re both trying to figure this out.” 

You slowly nod, knowing that this, these feelings, are uncharted territory for the both of you. You let out a nervous laugh, rubbing the back of your neck as you ask, “Are you going to make me go back to the ship?”

“No. You should’ve been on this mission with me from the start.” Cassian shakes his head. He offers you one of his extra blasters before continuing, “You are a good fighter, y/n, I’ve always thought so.” 

Your fingers brush as you take the blaster from him, and you can feel your cheeks getting hot as he nods at you. His fingers linger on the blaster for a second longer than necessary, and the both of you exchange a shy smile as you fumble to tuck the blaster into your holster. 

“Are you two done having your little moment?” K2 asks, and you and Cassian look up to see Jyn and K2 awkwardly standing beside each other, Jyn impatiently tapping her foot as she raises an eyebrow at the two of you.

Leaning into Cassian, you quietly say, “Please don’t ever make me babysit K2 again.”

Cassian laughs. “I don’t plan on it.” 

tag list: @proudchocolateaddict​​ / @myfriendmagislit​​ / @dragon4123​​ / @fire--pheonix​​ / @natalia-helena-alianova-romanov / @fairytalesforever​​ / @emmacata​​ / @hauntedpocdreamer / @fangirlsarah16​​ / @adaleya​​ / @floup-doodles​​ / @batfam16​​ / @into-the-ironverse​​ / @lotsoffandomrecs​​ / @ruvaakke​​ / @911buttercup​​ / @azeret-mirror​​ / @randomfandomimagine​​ / @lotrfics​​ / @locke-writes​​ / @lovinghufflepuffgirl / @lxncelot​​​ / @captainshazamerica​​ / @ta-ka-shi-ma​​ / @interwebseriesfan24​​ / @sebstanismylife​​

[simdirection]

L I F E • S T A G E S • C A S • C H A L L E N G E • by @someone-elsa

Create a sim in all of their life stages. Or use a sim you’ve created before and create their other life stages. Or use a sim born in game or a premade. In addition to the six life stages you can create in CAS, you can add your own (like a tween for example, also maybe they don’t even live to the elderhood?). You can write their life story if you wish or let us guess. My inspiration for this challenge.

Have fun and tag some people to try this out if you like!

Tag me @someone-elsa​ and use #life stages cas challenge so I can reblog your posts :)

I present to you G4l4t314 Ax4rt3ll although on our planet would be Galateia Axartell. It is an alien from the K2 nebula of the planet N4x14n in the M1k4s0 galaxy. They grew up with them big family and grew up very happy though with a huge curiosity to know other planets and travel through space.

The inhabitants of the planet N4x14n are born through the dust of stars so such inhabitants can endure for many centuries and G4l4t314 is no exception. At 250 years old, they was just a little blue-haired N4x14m learning to feed themself and with 1023, them father, P4rb3rt, built them a contraption of a planet called Eart? They could not understand about that planet but every day it was more and more interesting. Later in them 1678 years, G4l4t314 entered a rather big dilemma, should they stay on them planet or set off to discover galaxies as many N4x14ms did at the age of 1900? It was very well complicated because they had to leave everything behind them family, friends and even culture. One day they remembered the contraption them father had made for them amusement and the great illusion they had of it, only then did they get them answer that was quite clear in their head but that they did not want to admit for having to abandon everything.

At the age of 1900 they decided that it was better to leave to meet new planets and to them surprise, they loved it too much by giving them the curiosity to learn, until at the age of 21736, they was able to visit the planet that them father had told them about, the planet Earth. They fell in love with this planet and decided to stay on this planet until they was again stardust traveling through space but would never change them appearance to remember them planet and them origins. Their years on Earth were wonderful, visiting different cities including Brindleton Bay, Glimmerbrook and Windenburg but always living since they arrived in StrangerVille, a city with great mysteries and a beautiful desert. Them last breath before turning into stardust and returning to space was at 99865 years but they never regretted everything they lived.

Some curious facts: the N4x14ms have no gender and their names either, the K2 nebula is too far from Earth but the N4x14ms have a lot of technology to get to planet Earth in 1 day but once you leave N4x14n, you can’t go return to that planet. The N4x14ams come from the stardust that once belonged to the Big Bang.

Disclaimer: my English is not perfect, please refrain from making fun of it.

[ad1thi]

au masterlist

okay ive been meaning to do this for a while, and ive finally got the time to do it so here’s a list of all of my aus!! this is divided by ship for ease, and i do have a lot of pieces that don’t fit into any specific au - so this post is specifically for aus (this is a rly long post so im hiding it under a read more) (also please nobody comment on how similar the summaries are ive never had to think of how im summarising these aus before this post)

all my writing on tumblr // all my writing on ao3

buckytony

1. your pain (is my burden to bear) AU 

Summary: soulmate AU where you can feel your soulmate’s pain, and marks that originate from your soulmate’s injuries can be found on your body

2. target and assassin AU

Summary: The Asset has been tasked with the mission of killing Antonia Stark. Falling in love with her along the way was never part of the plan.

3. park bench AU

Summary: they’re both running from their past. in New York, they find each other.

4. taste of your lips AU

Summary: TVD au. Bucky wasn’t planning to stick around in New York, just drop in long enough to fix whatever his brother had fucked up and then leave. But then he meets Toni Stark, and against all odds - he finds himself staying in the one city he’d sworn never to step foot in for all of his immortal life. 

5. the second (love of his life) AU

Summary: greek gods AU, Aphrodite!Bucky x Hephaestus!Bucky . Bucky has spent over a thousand years resenting his marriage to Tony, content to ignore his husband in favour of his lover, Steve. but when he’s captured by Joann Schmidt and its Tony, not Steve who comes to his rescue - Bucky finds himself falling for the husband he spent so many years ignoring. Is it too late, or can he fix a marriage that was doomed from the start?

6. waste my time AU

Summary: Tony doesn’t do boyfriends. Tony has a boyfriend - Tiberius, or he will anyway once he convinces Ty that breaking up with him was a horrible idea. But then he meets James Barnes at a bar, and suddenly things don’t seem so black and white anymore

7. elite AU

Summary: a/b/o dynamics. Bucky isn’t planning on starting anything up in his new school, and would’ve been completely content to keep his head down until he graduates. But after a chance kiss with a bambi-eyed omega at a party in the beginning of the school year, things weren’t looking so simple anymore

8. 1000 lives (for you) AU

Summary: James hasn’t been subjected to the Chair in close to 3 years. After all, why would HYDRA use the Chair to control him when they’ve got his soulmate instead?

9. Secret Love Song AU

Summary: Marrying Steve wasn’t what Toni had in mind when she pictured the rest of her life, but it wasn’t any hardship. Of course, that was before James came into her life. (this au has been race and gender bent since the original post)

10. Dilwale AU

Summary: mafia au. Tony and Bucky used to be in love. Now they’ve sworn never to see each other again. ‘Course, MJ and Peter falling for each other puts a kink in those plans. 

11. K3G AU

Summary: desi au. As a member of the illustrious Barnes dynasty, Bucky is expected to undertake certain responsibilities; chief of which is marrying someone from a respectable family. Tony Stark from Chandi Chowk might just put a wrench in those plans.

12. buckytony teen wolf AU

Summary: when Tony and Rhodey went searching for a dead body in the woods, a rogue Alpha werewolf was not what they were expecting to find. Overnight, their entire lives change

13. undercover cop AU

Summary: After the events of Afghanistan, Tony can’t bear to work at Stark Industries anymore. Handing over the reins of the company to Pepper, he quits and starts working at Midtown High. but the US government isn’t about to let one of the country’s biggest assets work at a public highschool without even the smallest bit of protection. Enter Agent Barnes, or as Tony knows him - Midtown High’s new gym teacher

14. the K2 AU

Summary: Bucky just wanted to live his life without the Army ever finding him again. Saving Tony Carbonell at a metro station and getting sucked into the intricate life of the italian mafia was never on the agenda. 

15. Mara Dyer AU

Summary: fem! Bucky. Bucky was an extremely normal 16 year old girl - if you discounted the fact that her bestfriend and boyfriend died after an abandoned building collapsed on them; and that she was the only person to survive. Then bodies started dropping around her, people that she imagined dying who died in the exact grotesque way she pictured is. and suddenly, there’s nothing really normal about her at all.

16. ACOMAF AU

Summary: fem! Bucky. Bucky kills a wolf. Except its not a wolf, its a Faerie and the High Lord of the Spring Court comes collecting his pound of flesh. 

17. centre of his universe AU

Summary: The Asset is fascinated by the Stark Heir. 

18. one shot AU

Summary: highschool AU. nerd! tony x punk!bucky. Bucky has has a crush on Tony Stark for his entire highschool career, but he’s never thought he had a shot - choosing instead to pine uselessly while Tony dates what feels like the entire highschool body. Bucky’s resigned himself to the belief that Tony will never be his, until Tony breaks up with longtime girlfriend Rumiko Fujikawa, and suddenly - Bucky has one shot. 

19. 1000 lives (for you) AU

Summary: James Buchanan Barnes and Anthony Edward Stark are impossible soulmates - separated by time, distance and space but brought together by horrible pain and suffering. This is their story. Starts from TWS, and is largely canon compliant.

stevetony

1. student of the year AU

Summary: Steve was supposed to keep his head down, get good grades and get a scholarship to a university far enough away that he wasn’t even breathing the same air as his family. But then he becomes bestfriends with Bucky, falls in love with Bucky’s boyfriend Tony - and things get a bit more complicated along the way

2. just friends(?) AU

Summary: Tony did this, thing where he fell in love with his friends. All of his friends, except maybe Steve. (too bad nobody told Steve)

3. captain americana and the heartbreak prince AU

Summary: Steve Rogers has known Tony Stark for 10 years, 4 months and 11 days. He’s been in love with him for the exact same time. 

4. om shanti om AU

Summary: It should be noted, for the sake of posterity - that Steve usually wasn’t one to buy into the craze that surrounded celebrities. At the end of the day, they were still people. Tony Stark though, that was his exception.

5. stevetony lawyer AU

Summary: raising a 14 year old boy while juggling a demanding job at the DA’s office wasn’t easy, but Steve made it work. It wasn’t an easy life, but it was a good life. They were happy - and then Peter gets charged with the murder of his classmate Wade Wilson and everything falls apart. With his son facing life in prison, Steve does the only thing he can and calls the best defence lawyer he knows - his almost fiance Tony Stark.

6. schitt’s creek AU

Summary: David! Tony x Patrick! Steve

7. kidnapped! tony stark AU

Summary: Tony gets kidnapped and Steve loses his mind.

8. zindagi na milengi dobara AU

Summary: desi AU. in college, Steve, Sam and Bucky made a promise. 3 weeks, 3 activities, 3 boys and the country of Spain. 15 years later, Sam is getting married and its time for them to make good on that promise, to give him the send-off of the century. But between Sam’s conflicted feelings over his engagement, unresolved tension that threatens to break up the trio; Bucky’s secret agenda and Steve’s workaholic tendencies - it definitely promises to be a trip they’ll never forget

9. arranged marriage AU

Summary: desi AU. Steve has been in love with Tony for years. So when his mother asks him to settle down, he impulsively sends a rishta to the Stark residence; and thinks nothing of it. And then - they reply.

10. betrothed AU

Summary: Tony and Steve are princes of neighbouring kingdoms, promised to each other at birth. But the life of a royal is not as smooth as it seems.

11.  the salacious bisexual life of tony stark AU

Summary: As a journalist, Steve Rogers is expected to write articles on a great many number of things. He didn’t realise that could include his ex boyfriend.

12. Civil War AU

Summary: everything’s the same except: (1) Steve and Tony are dating, (2) Steve doesn’t know Tony is Iron Man

13. stevetony lucifer AU

Summary: Tony is tired of being the Devil, tired of following Howard’s order, tired of all the bullshit that comes with divinity. Malibu isn’t great but its a refreshing change of pace, a nice break from the screaming and the pain. And then he meets Detective Steve Rogers and Malibu suddenly has a lot more to offer.

Note: this AU was started by @imposter-human and all credits for it rightfully go to her. i just piggybacked onto it and added a couple of my own thoughts, but this AU is hers. 

rhodeytony

1. Dostana AU

Summary: Rhodey and Tony desperately need a new apartment, and there’s a brilliant one that’s close to where they both work. There’s only catch though, the landlord, Pepper (who is stunning) only accepts applications from couples. After a night drowning their sorrows in the local bar, they come up with the brilliant idea to pose as a gay couple for the apartment. They move in, and come up with increasingly stupid ways to impress their new landlord without exposing that their marriage is a shamNeither bestfriend likes to lose, and both of them have their eyes set on one person: Pepper (or do they?)

2. rajput tony stark AU

Summary: desi AU. Toni Stark comes from a long line of rajput royalty. (this au has been genderbent since the original post)

3. civil war rhodeytony AU

Summary: civil war scenes re-imagined with an established rhodeytony and a past stevetonyrhodey otv.

4. me and my bestfriend but make it rhodeytony

Summary: memories of me and LRP but re-imagined as Tony and Rhodey

5. meri pyaari bindu AU

Summary: To the rest of the world, he’s always be a Mr someone - but to Rhodey, he has and forever will be, his very first love, Tony.

6. doctor who AU

Summary: Doctor! Tony Stark x River Song! fem James Rhodes

7. female tony AU

Summary: Tony doesn’t like Rhodey’s new girlfriend. (he’s still trying to figure out why)

stevebuckytony

1. stephanie rogers AU

Summary: Steph Rogers was never supposed to find herself on the frontlines of World War 2. Then again, she wasn’t supposed to do a lot of things. - the mcu re-imagined with genderbent Steve. eventual stevetonybucky otv

2. on your knees AU

Summary: dom/sub AU. Tony is relearning what it means to be alive in a world where he’s not in the clutches of HYDRA, and misinterprets a scene between dom! Steve and sub! Bucky

samtonybucky

1. president tony stark AU

Summary: Tony Stark is sworn in at the 46th President of the United States. Sam Wilson and Bucky Barnes are assigned to his detail.

buckytonynat

1. the Carbonell Family AU

Summary: Anthony Carbonell is the patriarch of the Italian Mafia, Natasha and James are his bodyguards (and lovers). Steve Rogers is the FBI agent who’s vowed to bring him down.

clarktony (superiron)

1. bound by blood AU

Summary: when Clark’s parents die, Howard Stark takes him in. Desperate to recreate the serum by any means necessary he starts experimenting on both his new foster child, and his own flesh and blood son in an attempt to create the next supersoldier. Years later, Clark has broken free of Howard and is now Superman; but he and Tony are connected in ways he couldn’t even begin to understand

gen

1. morgan stark’s villain origin story AU

Summary: Morgan Stark isn’t a normal girl. It might have something to do with the death of her father.

2. blind tony stark AU

Summary: Tony loses his sight when he’s 15 after a kidnapping gone wrong.

3. desi! tony stark AU

Summary: just a link to all pieces that have desi! tony stark in them.

4. slytherin! tony stark AU

Summary: just a link to all pieces that have slytherin! tony stark in them.

5. AU-gust 2020

Summary: a masterlist to all the AUs i did for AU-gust, spanning various ships and fandoms

6. sins of the father AU

Summary: Harley has always known who his birth father is. It just never occurred to him, that his birth father might not know who his son is. im3 compliant. slightly aged up harley keener (he’s in highschool not middle school)

[sciencenewsforstudents]

There might be rain in the forecast for at least one distant planet.

Far outside our solar system, it’s called K2 18b. Data from space telescopes and computer models suggest that this planet’s atmosphere hosts water vapor. If true, it could be the first exoplanet that has liquid water — an essential ingredient for life as we know it.

“Water vapor exists everywhere in the universe,” says Björn Benneke. He is an astronomer in Canada at the University of Montreal. On September 10, his team reported the potential discovery of water on K2 18b at arXiv.org. “It’s not so easy to make liquid water,” Benneke notes. “You need the right pressure and the right temperature,” he points out. “That’s what makes this planet special.”

Astronomers first spotted K2 18b in 2015. They were using the Kepler exoplanet-hunting space telescope. Kepler revealed that the planet orbits a dim star known as a red dwarf. The star and planet are some 110 light-years from Earth. The planet is bit more than twice as wide as Earth, and has eight times Earth’s mass.

So it’s “not an Earthlike planet,” Angelos Tsiaras explained in a September 10 news conference. He is an astronomer in England at University College London. His team also studies K2 18b. And they, too, have detected water vapor in K2 18's atmosphere. Tsiaras’ team reported that September 11 in Nature Astronomy.

Though not Earthlike, the planet sits in what astronomers call a habitable zone. This is a region around a star where planets could have just the right temperatures to host liquid water. And liquid water appears important for life.

Could this planet host life?

In 2016 and 2017, Benneke’s group studied K2 18b using the Hubble Space Telescope. They wanted to see if the planet had an atmosphere. So they studied the planet as it passed in front of its star. The astronomers were looking to see if the planet’s atmosphere absorbs some of its star’s light. Astronomers can tell which molecules are in a planet’s atmosphere based on which wavelengths of starlight they absorb.

Tsiaras and his team accessed the data Benneke‘s had team collected from a public archive. Then it used specially designed computer software to analyze those data. This revealed the planet indeed had an atmosphere. And the wavelengths of light it absorbed were a signature for water vapor. That meant the planet’s atmosphere held water. That atmosphere also contains hydrogen and helium, the team reports.

“Until now, the planets for which we had the atmosphere observed and found water were gas giants,” Tsiaras says. Those are planets “similar to Jupiter, Saturn or Neptune. Its size, watery atmosphere and location in its star’s habitable zone, make this planet unique, he says. In fact, he adds: “This is the best candidate for habitability that we now have.”

Rain may fall — but how far?

Benneke’s group took the work a step further. They observed the planet with the Spitzer space telescope. By combining observations from Hubble, Spitzer and Kepler, they now believe the planet’s atmosphere has clouds. They appear to form at a specific spot. Knowing where this is, Benneke and his team simulated the planet’s climate. And that spot where the clouds form, they now say, could have the right pressure and temperature for liquid water to form and condense out as rain.

“It’s quite likely that this planet has liquid rain on it,” Benneke concludes. “This is actually one of the most exciting findings from this data.”

However, he adds, those raindrops might never hit solid ground. Instead, they could reach a point in the planet’s thick atmosphere where the pressure and temperature are so great that the droplets just evaporate. That water vapor would then rise back up again to form clouds. That would suggest “there’s a bit of a water cycle,” Benneke says.

Other exoplanet experts aren’t so sure. “There is no definitive proof” of raindrops, says Sara Seager. She is an astronomer at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology in Cambridge. The idea of rain is “solid, but still speculative,” she believes.

She also points to another caveat. K2 18b may have liquid water, but that doesn’t mean anything lives — or can live — on this planet. One reason: K2 18b might not have solid ground. It’s not clear if the planet has a rocky surface. And that’s where life as we know would be expected to evolve. Most exoplanets in the Milky Way galaxy fall in the size range of this planet, she notes. But it’s hard to tell if those planets are rocky super-Earths, gassy mini-Neptunes or sodden water worlds.

From what astronomers can tell, this is “one of these really mysterious planets that are the most common type of planet in our galaxy,” says Seager. “We have no idea what they are.” Future observations with NASA’s planned James Webb Space Telescope may help. Those observations might be able to pin down how much water K2 18b contains. And that, Seager says, could help astronomers come to understand its composition.

[smolbeandrabbles]

Dear Life - Tom McLaren x Reader (Vertical Limit)

Author’s Note: This One Is For The Nicholas Lea Fans! ...And like the one person I know might read this 🤣 Better believe I will be upping the ante on him somewhat over the next few months!  Dear Life - High Valley  - Now I haven’t used this or any High Valley music yet - God knows why. Time to rectify! 

Disclaimer: Okay, I know next to nothing about climbing, so my references are like... this movie... / Vertical Limit character’s aren’t mine (Again, or we’d have thrown Elliot off a cliff) / lyrics not mine. But this song really hurts for this. to be honest.

Premise: You’re 2 months away from becoming Mrs.Tom McLaren, and as you sit here and reminisce your relationship, Tom begins getting ready for his final trip before the wedding, to K2 with Elliot Vaughn... 

Words: 3599

Warnings: Nada

______ Dear Life, I hope you know I've loved you every mile down this road Had my share of hits and misses Tryin' to keep between the ditches Dear Life, I hope you know Dear Life, what's your plan Is where I'm suppose to be, right where I am If it is, then I ain’t leavin' If it ain't, then I'll keep on dreamin' Dear Life, what's your plan Now you're flying by too fast I'll fight to make you last Beggin' won’t you please, just slow down You're scaring me to death I'm tryin' to catch my breath Don't wanna let you go I'm hangin' on for dear life I wanna leave my mark Love til it breaks my heart Live so loud that my forever Echoes in the dark ---

Tom always carried a video camera. He said it wasn't to detail every stupid little mistake you made climbing - but you knew in truth it really was. He was the real mountain climber - at least high-altitude, in snow, hiking and climbing. You could hike with the best of them - but your speciality was free climbing over drier terrain and rocks, not snow and ice. You used to tell him the only reason that you would ever climb up snow was to ski back down - and he would laugh at you for that. But whenever you got back home he'd spend a painstaking amount of time editing together compilation videos. That you never got to see, but knew existed. "One day you're gonna have to show me!" "Aw, nah! None are finished Y/N! I can't show you something that's not done!"

 He could say that all he wanted - but as you sat in your apartment today leafing through your wedding planner again and sticking things into place, you couldn't help but notice how many video stills had ended up on the walls. Usually they were of him making funny faces at the way you were climbing or just genuine concern. Your favourite was one of the ones he had to sharply angle against the cliff face - you miles ahead of him, and the number of cams in the wall waaaay less than you should have put - at least to support both of you - to which he'd hand written the caption 'People I Should Never Trust With My Life On A Mountain: My Girlfriend." It wasn’t like you didn’t have the same kind of humour though. What about the one he’d had framed in his office? A picture of you with your head in your hands waiting for him to take an ungodly amount of time to decide on the correct number of cams to stick in the wall to take your weight, to continue climbing along. Captioned: “How it Feels to Be (Literally) Tied to Your Boyfriend For 24 Hours.” That summed you both up – you wanted the least amount of equipment for a light and fast ascent. Tom was all about safety, especially if you were there with him.

So you wondered what he might say in all of them... Only you might get your wish, because on occasion you'd filmed other adventures of yours that were less perilous. Like waiting for him at the end of a 5K run, chiding him for taking 15 minutes longer than you, and him protesting that a 5K was not a mountain hike - and he didn't need to continuously run on those! Or paragliding in a much more tropical climate than either of you were really used to. You weren't sure what he was planning, but he had a good friend that was a better videographer that he had taken up more than a few mountains as a guide for documentary shooting; and Tom had asked you for a few of the videos you'd taken. You trusted him enough to surprise you with that, because you had many surprises for him too.

 You leant your head on your hand for a moment and really turned your attention to those photographs. Decorating your home together had been a lot of fun; and you'd both taken a lot of thought and care into colour schemes and themes. At first only a few frames hung on the wall - but now each room showed like a timeline for your relationship. Only it wasn't in the kind of cute photographs couples usually took and there wasn't an anniversary one in sight.

No, these photographs were taken at the summit of every climb you'd ever ascended together. And as the more creative one, you'd made them into pretty collages. Frames weren't often wood or metal anymore - but whatever rope had frayed the most or was the oldest – he’d give you any worn out equipment to help with your endeavour… or sometimes you'd find an interesting stone, or you'd get post cards. You always put the place, height and time it had taken you to climb at the bottom too - sometimes handwritten in yours or his neat script. They became good talking points in themselves... And the first one had only been a birthday gift for him. But Tom had liked it so much he wanted to display it in your hallway instead of his office. "But Tommy then you can look at it when you work!" "Yeah but... When I'm not there who is gonna see it? It deserves to be seen - you put so much effort into this babe...!" And so on proud display it stayed - now joined by so many others.

When Tom wasn't half way around the world leading explorations up one of these peaks he was here with you. He had a number of guides under his expert tuition - and his company was all run out of his office. He liked to make sure that he had at least one employee in every far-reaching corner of the world that intrepid explorers would like to try and conquer... But if you wanted the best of the best, then Tom McLaren would fly out himself. He lived half his life out on mountains, and occasionally you were right there beside him. He liked you coming along for respite. So he could mutter to someone about some of the amateurs he had to escort up; "I dunno Y/N... Makes me feel I should only make the trip for experienced climbers only..." "You got me." And he would smile his best smile "Or I'd go INSANE!" "You're getting paid well for this though, right?" "AH. Yeah, I've always been about the money..." You could only laugh at that look on his face; "Well. Just be about it for this one!"

 You heard the front door open and close and knew he was back. Somehow, there was nothing like the sound of knowing he was home - and your heart skipped a beat. He wandered through into the living room - claret baggy gym shirt, and navy tracks...to go with his navy trainers with questionable tangerine shoe laces. It still made you raise an eyebrow, but Tommy was all about the pop of colour. "...Hey!" He still sounded a little out of breath, despite the fact he would have driven home. "Hey!" You smiled, heart still racing like you were in the presence of a high-school crush. He dropped his gym back by the kitchen and wandered over; you accepted a kiss on the cheek and he leant on the table and tapped the book; "How are we doing?" "Good - thank you! Almost completely ready." "Ah! Thank God for that!" "Aw, and I thought you were the meticulous planner here." "Babe, I am - but this... This is..." He looked a little overwhelmed for a minute, "Something else!" "We got this - you know that right...?" "Oh I know..." Tom breathed, and this time when he lent in you wanted his lips on yours.  "I just... It's so close now I..." He laughed "I guess I'm a little nervous." "More nervous than your next climb? Ah-! Speaking of, you have a meeting with Vaughn at 2..." "I know, but thank you..." He glanced to the clock "I got enough time to get prepped." "Better have..." You weren't his assistant, but you knew Tom's diary down to the minute - mostly because he'd synced your calendars. But when he was so far away from you for so long, you needed to know exactly where he was supposed to be and when. And how long he was expected to be out of signal range. You could deal with not hearing from him for a while; that was the nature of the job, but you still liked to know what days he was climbing, and when he was supposed to be in base camp, so you knew when you really had to worry about him. He gave you one more kiss before moving into the bedroom "One more climb and I marry you!!!" "It's a big one! One thing at a time!" "Like you aren't waiting to be Mrs. Tom McLaren!" "Oh! Only my entire life!" You put a marker in your planner and followed him.

It was still like having a school girl crush. By now he was out of his shirt and going through his wardrobe for something comfortable to wear. His meeting was only over the phone... Of course he caught you staring at him - with his shirt off you could see his tattoo and that strangely shaped scar on his left-hand side. "You okay?" He raised an eyebrow and turned to you, making you shake your head "If you could feel my heart right now..." His laugh was a little bashful and his look to the floor almost shy; "Why?" "I dunno. It's like having a crush on you all over again. I guess I'm just excited..." He looked down at himself with a cheeky grin; "Please clarify!" You scoffed, but knew pink was crossing your cheeks; "Shut up!" He nodded to the bathroom; "I'ma take a shower but-" "OH God! Don't even tempt me!" Tom laughed again; "And now I really feel like I should!" He folded his arms; and there was a familiar chink of metal as the pendant around his neck moved. As far as you knew he'd never taken it off, and he'd never really talked about it much, only to whisper that it was good luck. The twist of tarnished silver was strange in itself; you couldn't quite fathom what it was either. But anything important to Tommy was important to you. (Except it was rough and sharp in places and often stabbed into you at fairly inconvenient times.) It was silly to trust his necklace to keep him safe when you knew his skills would do that on their own. But sometimes the night before he was due to go, and you couldn't sleep (because you never could when those evenings rolled around) you found yourself glaring at it and always thinking the same thing; You better bring him back to me!

 You sprinted across the room to kiss him, which turned into kissing him multiple times, before he tried to pick you up and you shrieked, half giggling as you ran back out. His laugh was gorgeous and clear and loud; "Alright I get it! No showers-!" You peered around the door; "How many floors did you climb?" "300. It's still not K2. But it's a start." You gave a nod and a smile "I'm not gonna make you walk that to the wedding, don't worry." "I could call the venue and we could have it in the mountains...? Why bother making them the view!" "I could kill you, Tom McLaren!" "I'm sure Vaughn would fly everyone up!" He studied your unimpressed look with amusement "Ahhhh.... I believe that face is a firm no..." "Correct." "Alright, go on. Back to planning..." You continued to stare at him "What?" "I love you, babe." He grinned gently, and stepped towards the bathroom "...I love you too, Ms.McLaren." "Aw, not yet!"

 **

 "Oh! Sweetheart...! I think he'll love it!" your mother gasped as you detailed your wedding dress idea to her. Sitting back at the table and opening your planner again surrounded by your photographs and flipping to the dress pages (the only ones Tom was forbidden from looking at) made you remember that. Because it'd been this very table over drinks that you'd told her what you were thinking. It sounded a little insane, the kind of thing nobody would really get. But he would. "...Don't you think everyone will ask me the same questions about a billion times?" "Do you have to answer? I think it's wonderful... And it's not meant for them is it, it's meant for Tom..." You'd had the idea when wandering around your apartment on the phone to other aspects of your wedding, florists... bakery... venue... Musicians... They were long detailed conversations that both you and Tom had had. He tried to help you plan as much as he could, but both of you realised it was kinda hard to plan a wedding halfway up a mountain. But he did promise, and had expertly, sorted himself and his groomsmen out - and when he wasn't preparing for his next climb, he spent all his spare time helping you. Even though you were fine and actually really enjoyed planning this. But, each of these conversations had you staring at the photographs on your wall. And you'd come to the conclusion that climbing was what had brought the two of you together, and was such a huge part of both your lives. The mountains in the background of every picture had got you thinking; even if you were actually standing on the summit of the important ones... So the idea was simple, everything you'd ever summited together - whether it be a cliff face in a national park, or it was something as phenomenal as K2, or Everest. It was making it onto your dress. The scope of work was huge and you'd realised this, so it had taken the seamstresses an age to make to your specification, but you had tried to help and provide assistance at every turn you could. So a few weeks ago you'd gone for your adjustment fitting (although it was pretty perfect once you'd tried it on), when Tom was travelling back from his last climb for a little R and R, and had almost cried when you'd seen it. The mountains had been embroidered like a secret message. Only truly visible if you looked at the detail.  Some were outlined in a blue-tone white and were a little more obvious; but the others blended so perfectly into the skirt - it had turned out more beautiful than you had imagined. And there were actual tears when you tried it on; from both you and your mom and friends.

You closed the book again as you heard him exit his office after his call and tied the ribbon back - replacing it on your shelf. "How'd it go?" "He's crazy. That's all I can say!" "You're gonna do amazing..." "It's not me I'm worried about..." He gave a shrug "I know K2 well enough." You crossed the room and placed your arms around him "...I'm gonna worry about you.." "Yeah. That's why I don't worry - you do it enough." You brushed your lips to his; "Can we go out tonight?" "For dinner...? Mmmm... Don't see why not..." Tom ran his arms around you and pulled you tight to him "What you thinking...?" "The little place on the corner..." "Why do we always go there when I'm about to leave?" "Because it's your favourite." His amusement extended into his light brown eyes as he rolled them; "No. It's because it's your favourite." You smiled, and leant up to kiss him again; "That too."

 ***

 It was the night before he left, and the corridor was full of his gear, you were allowed to go to the airport with him but no further. Part of you wanted to go on Vaughn's expedition. It sounded interesting - and if it was all being broadcast when they hit the top... But Tom wanted you back here, and you understood that too. "You don't need to get caught up in all this..." He tracked back through to the bedroom; "Besides... You don't even like him." "Millionaire who thinks he can throw money at a mountain and it'll do what he wants, so everyone gets to see this inaugural flight? No thanks." "See. You wouldn't even enjoy it!" "Guess I get to see you on TV..." "Well..." He caught you in the living room for a short kiss. Fleeting - just like his time back here always was. You wondered how much Tommy would let you curb that once you got a ring on his finger. "...Unless they cut me out of it!" You folded your arms, with a frown clearly meant for Vaughn himself; "Oh. Because you're only the man whose gonna get him up there!" "...eh, millionaires!" "Who else is going with you?" "Annie Garrett." You gasped "Annie! Aw, I love her!" "Yeah another reason you aren't going!" He laughed "We'll never get anywhere...!" You followed him and realised there was at least another suitcase and a half to go "...I rebuke that and think we could probably take you in a race to the top." He shot you a look "K2 is not about racing. It's a-" You mimicked his serious voice with a whine "-Very technical climb and the most dangerous mountain in the world-!" He narrowed his eyes slightly, making you smile; "Didn't you get over lecturing me 5 years ago, Tommy?" "Clearly not, if you're gonna make stupid comments." He turned back to his things which made you sigh. "Babe, do you want some help?" His brown eyes flicked over his shoulder again "Oh, sweetheart, would you?" You nodded eagerly with a sweet smile; "Mmmm... I like helping you pack. The only thing I don't like is watching you leave..."

 ***

 You stood holding his hands so tight in the airport, and realised how torn up you were about this. "Y/N... You are gonna have to let me go eventually, you know that right?" "Yeah but I..." You weren't looking at him, but his hands, laced with your own - the pretty cut diamond of your engagement ring glittering gently in the lights. He bent to try to get you to look at him. "But you...?" "This one is so much harder than the rest... I just... Wanna marry you now. And K2..." "Hey... Hey... C'mere..." He wrapped you in his arms, pulling your head into his chest and stroking a hand through your hair; "Sweetheart you never do this... What's wrong?" "I'm just really gonna miss you on this one. But I'll be watching that TV close, believe me." "I know you will. And I'll be counting down the days until my flight home... And then we square away the final touches... And then Mrs. Tommy McLaren will not just be a Skip joke at base camp... Huh?"

He at least got you laughing gently; but he noticed the tears too. Tom didn't stop you from crying though; your emotions were all over the place ever since he'd got down on one knee. He'd never expected that, which made him guess you'd never expected him to do it in the first place. Probably because that's all his friends did joke about. Including it being present in the original introduction of you two to one another. “Tommy this is Y/N... She's a climber too! Since it's only you two that have that in common if you don't wanna stay sad and single for your lonely lives, you just aught to get married now!” Tom pressed a kiss to your forehead; it was long, and worth every second, before he caught your lips. "Look after the company, alright?" "I will." "And look after yourself... Okay? That's more important..." "I will..." There was a few seconds pause before you threw your arms around him again; "You come back to me Tom McLaren! You kick K2’s ass and you come back to me!" He wound his arms around you again and lifted you from the floor "I'm coming back, Y/N... I don't get to marry you otherwise..." "Just. Make sure Vaughn knows who's boss." He gave a wink, and salute as he set you down; "Yes ma'm!"

 *** 

You were still staring at the pictures on the wall when the sunlight faded; one more day gone. One day closer to marrying the love of your life. But one day further away from all these incredible things happening. All of these pictures captured moments you would never get back. And each one of them told a story with so many lost great conversations. Little glances or touches that were now lost to eternity.

Your eyes flicked between them all, this has all gone so fast... Even though he would be back soon, that would feel like an age. But all these years had passed like a blur. Would your married life be just the same?

You sat back for a second and took a deep breath to slow it all down. You hoped not; Tom was someone you had to savour every moment with - because in reality there were so few. And that made every second precious. You realised how much you wanted to look back on everything you'd done together and remember it all. No matter how impossible. It hit you all very suddenly. Is that why he recorded everything? So that he could watch back every memory you had a freeze frame moment of here? Because Tom McLaren wanted to relive every stupid, amazing thing that happened. As long as you were there in it. You shook your head gently as you pieced it all together; why he wanted your tapes so bad too. He was about to relive all those moments with you. But not just with you - Tom McLaren wanted everyone else to see those moments too. Everyone that was an important part of your lives and an integral part of your relationship.

And he was going to do so on your wedding day.

---

Oh have another GIF even though it’s not actually Tom... It still make’s me think of this fic..! Like he would 100% throw paper planes at her whilst she’s trying to work on collages and their wedding planning...

[tisfan]

Accountability

Title: Accountability Square: K2 - Bucky Barnes / Winter Soldier Warning: coffee shop AU, unrepentant fluff Pairing: Tony Stark/Bucky Barnes Summary: Tony wants to have a stable relationship by New Year’s Eve. Well, Bucky’s here to hold him accountable. Link: A03 Word Count: 2,199 For @tonystarkbingo and @aoifelaufeyson

A/n - not responsible for tooth decay.

“Coffee, Black, extra, extra large. And put a few shots in it,” Bucky’s first customer of the day said.

“Resolution?”

“Ton- what?”

“What’s your resolution, for New Years,” Bucky asked.

“You’re going to write that on my cup? You know you’re going to have people in here fighting for the cup of ‘go to the gym more’ by ten a.m.”

“It’s called accountability,” Bucky said, loftily. “If everyone sees you in the coffee shop with -- what did you say it was?”

“I didn’t. But-- I’d-- I had a shitty night, and my New Year’s kiss was a joke. I’d like to have a real relationship, this year.”

“Get a significant other,” Bucky wrote dutifully on the cup, then Bl, xxg 2sh on the side under it.

He handed the cup off to Sam, who started pulling shots and getting the drink line moving. Wanda rang up the sale, and Bucky went on to the next customer, who, true to SO’s prediction, had lose twenty pounds as their resolution. Not gonna happen if you keep drinking large lattes, extra whip, sugar.

Bucky’s idea started conversations; at least half a dozen people pulled out their phones when Call Mom More Often picked up her Americano. Two people found workout or walking partners. People lingered in the shop to talk about it; lingering people bought more coffee or muffins. And word spread, the way it tended to do. By lunch, the line was thirty deep.

“Man, I hate you,” Sam said, as Bucky passed yet another cup along.

(more under the cut)

Get an SO came up at least three times to get a refill, spending most of the morning poking his tablet industriously, taking advantage of the free wifi. In the relatively dead period just after lunch, while Bucky was clearing off tables, he asked, “So, how do you go about keeping people accountable?”

“Really? I don’t,” Bucky said. He picked up the chair, turned it around and straddled it. “You do it. Once you say it, and someone says it back to you, it’s halfway to being a fact.”

“Is that a fact?”

“It’s psychology,” Bucky said. “The power of saying things outloud.”

“Which is why you… work in a coffee shop, instead of having an office and clients on your couch?”

Bucky only chuckled. “I’m still in school, hot shot. Plus, I like my job. Talking to customers, getting to know people. Testing my threshold for some wall street tool’s dickish behavior. Means I’ll be able to handle him when he’s in my chair, wondering why he still ain’t got a date.”

Sig Other waved a hand near his forehead. “Yeah, okay, you got me. We’re square now?”

“Actually, no,” Bucky said. “Tell you what, why don’t you prove you’re being accountable. Bring your first dates here. Coffee shop meet ups are the thing, and I’ll see you’re taking my advice seriously.”

“You’re going to give me dating advice?”

“You can tell a lot about a person from what they order at the coffee shop,” Bucky told him.

“And what, pray, does my order say about me?”

“Mostly? That you should probably get more sleep. That whatever you do keeps you busy; you don’t have time to be fussy about your coffee. Black’s easy. Hard for someone else to fuck it up. You don’t strike me as the kind of coffee snob who wants black because he pretends he knows shit about the beans and roasting. You probably drink red wine, or scotch. Forget to eat more than you want to admit. And you don’t have very many close friends.”

By the time he was done bullshitting the guy -- playing Sherlock was fun, but it was no more true than Wanda and her tarot cards -- Sig Other’s eyes were huge.

“Okay, you convinced me,” he said. “I’ll bring my dates in. You tell me which ones to bring back.”

Bucky hadn’t actually expected Sig Other to come back, much less return with a date. He wasn’t even sure, after the first week of January was over, that he’d have remembered the guy. Waiting on more than five hundred customers a day, it took a lot of repeat business before he usually recognized anyone in more than that vague way of seeing thousands of faces. Even longer before he knew names.

But orders, for whatever reason--

“Oh, hey, Extra Grande, black, right?”

Those brilliant brown eyes, almost the same color as the heart of an espresso pull, lit up. “Hey, it’s the Accountability Guru,. Yeah, please. And--” He gestured and a very lovely woman stepped up behind him.

She was willow, brunette, and way overdressed for a coffee date. Her haircut probably cost more than Bucky made in tips during the day. She glanced up from her phone for a few moments to ponder the menu. “Raspberry latte,” she said. “With the art on it? And a biscotti.”

Bucky wrote the orders down, passed them on. “Do the swan,” he told Wanda. She was the best latte artist they had, not that many people bothered to look into their cups before heading out the door. Might as well give Sig Other a head start, right?  

He watched them between customers, Sig Other keeping a proper date-space for a first meeting, asking questions and appearing interested in her answers.

When she bothered to give them. Mostly she poked her phone. Took a picture of her latte. A selfie. A picture with Sig. Cackled over some responses to her social media of choice. Tipped her screen toward Sig a few times so he could share in the joke.

They stayed about twenty minutes, and then she got up and he saw her to the door and her taxi. A moment later, he was leaning on the pastry counter.

“No,” Bucky said, flatly.

“No?”

“She was dressed way too nice,” Bucky said. “She expected you to wine and dine her. She’s in it for the money. I assume there is some?”

“You could say,” Sig said. “You didn’t like her? She seemed friendly to me.”

“Oh, yeah, sure,” Bucky said, then turned his phone toward Sig. “She dissed out my coffee artist. Real friendly.”

It hadn’t taken him long to find the instagram, not when she tagged the shop by name. Run of the mill coffee art. There was more, mostly talking about her date, but Bucky didn’t bother to read that.

“I thought the swan was clever,” Sig said.

“Well, I don’t want to brag, but Wanda’s competed at the WBC, she’s not run-of-the-mill.”

“How is it bragging, when you’re praising her?”

“You want one to go?” Bucky asked, changing the subject.

“Yeah--” Sig paused a moment, then, “It’s Tony, thanks.”

Sam nudged him. “Your boy’s got another one.”

Bucky flicked his cigarette and took a long drag. “I’m on break. Another socialite?”

“Naw, if it was that boring shit, I’dda left you out here. He’s got a dude with him this time,” Sam said.

Bucky swallowed his mouthful of smoke and then choked on it. Well, that changed everything, didn’t it?

Except it didn’t.

“You oughta quit that nasty habit,” Sam said, and Bucky waved him off.

He snubbed his butt and tossed it in the ashbin out back. The alley was gross and smelled like stale coffee and rotten muffins, but at least he was allowed to smoke there. There weren’t lots of places left that allowed it.

Went inside, snuck a peek at the line. Sure enough, there was Tony, about ten back, with a good-looking blond guy. Like, underwear model good looking. And then Bucky got a better look at his face. Oh, god. That guy.

“Is that--”

“Yep.”

“What are we talking about?” Wanda wanted to know.

“Don’t bother trying to get blondie’s coffee right,” Sam told her. “He’ll spend the next twenty minutes telling you what you did wrong. Just pour him a cup and some cream, and then make him what he actually ordered. He never accepts the first one. No point in wasting your time.”

Tony got his usual, and then spend a moment behind blondie’s back making the ‘look at his guy’ gesture with both hands. Bucky’s mouth tipped up in his the customer is always full of shit smile.

Bucky poured Tony’s coffee, pulled a shot, and went around the side of the counter to give it to him, while blondie was describing how to put half a pump of sweetner in his cup. “Really? This guy? I didn’t know you were into dudes, or I wouldn’t have suggested that you give Heather another date last month.”

“Yeah, no I figured that out when we had a little discussion about Freddie Mercury,” Tony said. “You knew?”

Bucky bobbed his chin around. “I suspected. She’s said some shit, but-- eh. Some people just have a little bi-prejudice, doesn’t affect anybody much, unless they’re dating someone who is bi. Besides, she ticked off all your other boxes.”

“Well, if she’s not going to want to have a relationship because I might have, at some point, touched some other guy’s dick, then the rest of the boxes don’t matter.”

Trust Tony to say something like that, while Bucky was already thinking about the fact that Tony was actually into guys. Bucky shifted uncomfortably. Getting a chub while at work was awkward.

“So what’s wrong with Ty?” Tony looked over again, watching as Ty walked Wanda through the steps of pulling a shot, like she’d never done it before.

“He’s a mansplainer,” Bucky said. “He always knows everything, better than everyone.”

Tony chuckled. “I am, in actual facts, a genius.”

“Won’t matter,” Bucky said. “He’s the expert.”

“Could be good for a romp,” Tony said. “Experts can be great lovers.”

“Until he starts telling you everything you’re doing wrong,” Bucky pointed out.

Tony looked offended, although Bucky wasn’t sure if it was directed at him, or at Ty for not-yet-occurring critique of Tony’s bed skills. “We’ll see,” Tony said.

“You’re planning to make pancakes for breakfast?” Bucky wasn’t jealous, he wasn’t. Not that it hadn’t been a while since he’d gotten laid, that was irrelevant. Just--

“It’s been looking good, so far,” Tony said.

“Well, have fun,” Bucky said, his smile coming naturally to his face. Yay customer service job.

“I plan to,” Tony said.

“Coffee, black.”

“Tony?”

“You were right, if you want to tell me so,” Tony said. “But, coffee first?” His eyes were bloodshot, as if he’d been drinking heavily, or crying. Or both.

“Sure, sure,” Bucky said. He added two shots to the mix. “Here, come on, it’s on the house, are you--”

Sam waved at him. I got this.

“-- are you okay?”

Tony held up his hand and waggled it back and forth. “We had a big fight,” he said. “It, uh, didn’t end well. But hey, I had almost three months of a relationship. Well, a little more than two, at least. Too bad it’s freaking October. I’m… running out of time.”

“You’re not running out of time,” Bucky told him, scoffing. “You’re in your prime. Plenty of time to find someone, settle down.”

“I mean, I know,” Tony said, sinking down in his chair, “that I don’t need someone to make me happy, that my life has meaning and value. And just because I’m alone, it doesn’t mean I’m unlovable. See, I’ve been talking to my therapist, right.”

“Well, no,” Bucky said, hesitant. Tony thought he was unlovable? He was the most interesting person that Bucky knew. “You’re pretty damn amazing, actually. Smart and sexy, funny. You’re interesting, you’re unabashedly nerdy, and enthusiastic about your geekiness. But not a gatekeeper. Really, Stone didn’t deserve you. He was a dick. I think you’re a hell of a catch, and I don’t understand why people are bein’ so dense about it. I--” would totally date you.

“Yeah, no, I’m-- I’m just not seeing it,” Tony said, and he turned his phone around to show Bucky a hungover frownie face selfie. “Not… just not happening this year. I’m done. Accountability shows that I tried, but this year is just another fucking washout.”

“Um…” Bucky licked his lip, hesitating. “Uh, maybe it’s not?”

“Yeah, why, what do you think, the perfect person’s going to just plop themselves in my lap? I mean, I know you work in a coffee shop--” Tony pushed his chair away from the table. “-- and you’re apparently delusional enough to be a romantic, but--”

Bucky stood up, took a deep breath--

--and plopped himself into Tony’s lap.

“I am an incurable romantic. I do work in a coffee shop, and maybe the perfect person for you is absolutely going to throw themselves in your lap.”

Please God, let this work, because otherwise, this is the stupidest thing I’ve ever done in my life.

Tony almost dropped him, before scrambling to get an arm around Bucky’s waist. “Wh-- oh. Oh. Oh, my god.”

“Would you, erm… like to go out? I know a great coffee shop--”

Tony blinked a few times. Then his arm tightened on Bucky’s waist. “Yeah, yeah, I think I might like that. Wouldn’t want to, you know, fail in my resolution.”

“Don’t worry,” Bucky said. “I’ll hold you accountable.”

[taronunwin]

People notice that Taron's been getting wrinkly (fast) these past few months bc of all the stress from Rocketman promotion. He doesn't seem to be taking care of himself as much as he should (sleep, skin, all of that). I don't know if people want him to look as he did 6 years ago but everyone can see that Taron doesn't look like Eggsy anymore, and he'll be playing Eggsy again soon. That said, he is a very attractive man -not a boy- and I'm here for it. I don't care what he looks like, I love him

And when I say Taron doesn’t look like Eggsy anymore I mean it as a good thing. He can’t be Eggsy forever, that would be ridiculous. He looks amazing, he looks like a 30 year old man, I love him. He is what dreams are made of. But I don’t think we can ignore the wrinkles around his eyes, that seem to come from lack of sleep and too much work. I just want to make him hot chololate and let him sleep for a week, but I can’t. He’s rocking his new look anyways. Richard is also a wrinkly boy, btw. 

He’s admitted many times that he’s not good at going to bed on time and that does affect how a person looks. I speak from experience. I do think his face shows lack of sleep and stress quite easily but then he’ll show up a day after looking a bit rough (but still always beautiful) looking like a radiant 20-year old so I don’t think there’s anything to worry about 😏 And the fact is that yeah, he won’t look the same as Eggsy in K1 or K2 but then again, between those two movies, he didn’t look much like the other.

He went from boy to young man and now he is man.

The wrinkles around his eyes are the cutest things, they just accentuate his smile and asjdflkasdf oh my goodness. They’re beautiful. All of him is beautiful. And I totally agree on the hot chocolate and letting him sleep for a week. I’m 100% on board with that. Can we start a petition? Fried chicken, hot chocolate, and sleep. That’s all he’s got on the agenda for the foreseeable future. Maybe a vegetable or two and some water just to be safe. See, I care about him.

[primaxtestobooster]

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[uas-fics]

Title: The Paramour Offer

Summary: “There is no love in a political marriage, Stan. So, what do you say? Be my paramour.”  That's the offer made to him by his king and best friend's wife. It's an offer Stan wants to except so badly, but he can't betray Kyle like that. No matter what lies her majesty says about Kyle having lovers of his own.

Rating: T

Ships: Stenny, K2, Jyle, Kydi

Content Warning: Adultery, loveless marriage

Other: Technically this was part of Stenny-Week, but I didn't finish it in time. Also, the fact that mistress does not have a proper male version annoys me to no end since paramour doesn’t have the same...vibe as a mistress...but I digress

Chapter 1 - Chapter 2

~~~~

The breeze came as a welcome relief to the blistering summer heat. It rustled the leaves, shaking the shadows as the horses and their riders rode through the forest. Stan reached up and wiped his brow. The weather of the Human lands was hot and terrible. How the inhabitants withstood it, he will never know.

He glanced over his shoulder. The queen was not bothered in the least by the heat, though that shouldn't come as much of a surprise. These were her homelands, after all. She was used to the awful weather.

The light glinted off her golden hair as she rode, back straight and confidently. It was a wonder she didn't take the lead from Stan. She knew these woods far better than he did. She could have left the main traveling party on her own and been perfectly fine. That might have been her plan, in the beginning, had Kyle not told her she had to bring an armed guard with her if she wished to travel off the main road, or he wouldn't allow it.

Feeling his eyes on her, she flashed a smile.

Stan snapped his head forward again, feeling the tips of his ears warm with embarrassment. The queen seemed too friendly with everyone, but with Stan in particular. He'd brought the issue up with his majesty a few times, but Kyle always shrugged him off and told him not to worry about it.

"That's just how she is. It is better having her as a friend than an enemy, after all," Kyle had wistfully told him.

The clopping of horse hooves stole Stan's attention to his side. The queen rode up next to him.

"So, how do they compare?" She asked.

"'Compare'?" He echoed.

The queen gestured to the trees. "The forests. How do they compare to the Elven Forests?"

Stan looked around. Of course, the forests here were not nearly as magnificent as back home. The trees didn't tower overhead and block out the sky completely. Their roots didn't dig down deep into the rich earth and their trunks didn't grow wide as ten men standing shoulder to shoulder. In comparison, Human forests were just plain and dull.

"They're nice."  

The queen tilted her head a moment. "Really. I think they're boring compared to yours — I suppose I should say ours, shouldn't I?" She chuckled into her gloved hand. "It's still so strange not to be considered solely a Human ruler."

Stan pointed to his ears as he spoke. "You aren't Human, though. If anything, you have more of a claim to our throne than theirs."

The queen mulled over that then shrugged. "What is a half-orc - half-elf than a Human anyway?"

Stan could not argue with that. Instead, he changed the topic. "So, the wedding we're heading towards. Are Human ceremonies all that different from Elven ones?"

"Less dancing and glass smashing, but more food and drunk relatives. Other than that, they're pretty much the same."

Stan nearly pointed out that a lot of the traditions that happened at her wedding to Kyle were distinct to High Elves like the Broflovski family, and not to all Elves but decided not to bother.

She let out a dreamy sigh. "I've been waiting for this wedding to happen for so, so long!" She continued. "Craig and Tweek are soulmates. I'm so very excited for them and can't wait to give them my congratulations!"

"I see," Stan responded before clicking to his horse to trot a few paces ahead of the queen. "If you are so excited, why not stay with King Kyle. It would be a lot faster if we had traveled in a large group instead of just to two of us."

"Are you implying you do not enjoy my company, Stan?" The queen put her hand to her mouth in shock. "I'll have you know even after my poor course of actions during the war, I am still quite beloved by the country people." She snorted, urging her horse to keep up with Stan's. "If I want to take the long way and stop by some villages and speak with the common folk and hear their woes, I have every right."

"Of course, your majesty," Stan replied automatically. He knew from his years as Kyle's bodyguard it was sometimes better to just agree with the ramblings of royalty.

"Besides," she went on as if he hadn't spoken, "we are two days away from the main traveling party. It's not as if we were sorely missed when we were away."

Stan raised an eyebrow. "Oh, I'm sure his majesty missed you greatly, my queen. I see how much he adores you."

"I...I'm sure he has." The queen's face fell for a fraction of a second before she perked up again with a smirk on her face. "Who wouldn't? I am the most lovely creature in all the lands." She threw her hair over her shoulder. "Don't you agree?"

Only half to pacify her, Stan nodded. A laugh escaped her lips and she continued talking, though Stan only half listened.

He took a moment to eye her over. He couldn't say she wasn't unattractive: long, gold hair tied back in a braid, bright blue eyes, a neatly trimmed beard, a face that wasn't the extreme of too sharp like King Kyle or too round like the Wizard King's. She was lean, but not overly so, with a slight waist and palpable aura of grace and elegance.

By both Human and Elven standards, she was beautiful.

Before she could catch him staring at her a second time, Stan turned his thoughts and eyes back to the path before them. If they hurried, they could make it to the next village before the sun set.

After another hour of travel, the queen forced her horse to a sharp stop.

"Do you smell that?" She sniffed.

Worry saturated her voice.

"Smell what?" Stan sniffed the air. He smelled the sweat of their mounts and the distant burning of fires but nothing to concern himself with.

Her mouth fell into a line. "I smell blood."

"What?" Stan gasped. "How? I don't smell a thing."

The Queen carefully urged her horse forward, past Stan. "Orc." She pointed to her nose then sniffed again, "It's a lot of blood, too. A slaughter."

"Maybe the village got word of our coming and is preparing a feast? Perhaps the blood is from livestock?" Stan offered. The last villages they had visited did the same the moment they heard that a queen was in their presence.

The queen shook her head. She said no more. Instead, she slid from her mount, then took the bow from her back and readied an arrow.

Stan's stomach twisted as he pulled his sword from its sheath. The queen had instincts he never truly understood, but after fighting with her and against her in the war, he knew well it was best to trust her.

He jumped off his horse before taking the reins and tying it to a nearby branch. The Queen patted her horse on the muzzle, her eyes flashing purple, as she told it to stay put.

The two crept forward down the road; their bodies tense. The woods had gone deadly quiet. The birds no longer chirped nor an insect buzzed. Not even the light breeze stirred the trees.

The heavy silence sent goose flesh across Stan's skin. The queen was right. Only fear drove forest creatures to such quietness.

Suddenly, a scream pierced the silence. Without wasting a second, the two dashed forward.

Around a bend in the road, they came across a gruesome sight. Blood seeped into the earth. The corpses of at least five Humans laid piled into a haphazard heap. In the middle of the village square, a cage had been set up made of branches and fraying rope. The cage itself looked feeble. Even one of the children cowering inside could easily destroy it, and if not for the hobgoblins keeping guard outside, one of them probably would have. the rest of the hobgoblins ran in and out of homes, carrying away food, blankets, and other valuables.

Stan moved to attack, but the queen held up her hand to his chest. She raised a gloved finger and pointed forward.

A large creature stood, barking orders to the hobgoblins. Thick, matted fur covered its body. Its paws were large and clawed, like a bear, with an upturned pig-like snout on its ugly face. It stood upright, like a man, on its hooved feet.

"What is that?" Stan whispered.

"An ugly son of a bitch," The queen answered, eyes narrowing. "’Man-bear-pig.’ That's what they call it in these woods, but you would probably know it better as a 'bugbear'."

"A bugbear?" Stan took a breath.

Oh, he'd heard of bugbears. They were goblins of the Human lands, bloodthirsty and wild creatures who kidnapped children and destroyed villages. This one lived right up to its kin's reputation.

The queen raised her bow. "If I can hit its head or heart, I can kill it."

Stan nodded, readying his blade. The queen's aim was not one to be doubted, but even if they defeated the bugbear that easily, they still had all the hobgoblins to deal with next.

The queen began to mutter under her breath. Magic sparkled at the tip of the arrow. The moment she let loose the arrow, the tip burst into flames.

The arrow shot forward, digging deep into the bugbear's shoulder. It let out an ugly cry of pain. Its claws slapped at both the flames and the arrow.

Without wasting a heartbeat, Stan rushed forward, his sword raised. With a cry, he slashed down at the bugbear.

The bugbear roared, grabbing his blade between his thickly padded paws. Stan glowered at it before thrusting his foot forward into the monster's belly.

The bugbear stumbled back, blood oozed from its shoulder and its paws. The air stunk of burnt hair.

The queen ran from her cover, bow already firing at the lesser goblins. One of her arrows hit one straight through the eye. A burst of rainbow colored magic expanded from the arrow. The magic wrapped around two nearby hobgoblins and pulled them all into a tight squeeze until the sickening ‘snap’ of neck bones came could be heard. The magic dissipated and three hobgoblins slumped into a dead heap.

Seeing their comrades fall dead, the other hobgoblins froze. They exchange quick looks before turning heel and dashing into the forest.

"I suppose some goblins do have brains in their heads." The queen scoffed, darting past Stan and the bugbear to the cage.

The bugbear let out a low, rumbling growl, turning to attack the queen when Stan slashed forward. His blade bit into its side.

The bugbear turned back its full attention to Stan, swiping forward with its sharpen claws. Stan danced away as the monster came at him. It dove forward. Stan lept to the side, but he wasn't quick enough.

A strangled cry escaped his lips as the bugbear dug its teeth into the flesh of his calf. Gritting through the pain, Stan raised his sword to attack. The bugbear shook his head suddenly to the side then threw out its arm. It smacked the blade from Stan's hands.

The blade hit the ground and skidded over to the queen. She looked up from the cage, and fear crossed her features.

"Stan!" She cried out, but Stan didn't dare waste any energy responding to her.

The bugbear grunted as its teeth sunk deeper and deeper into the muscle. Stan hit against its thick skull with his fist and tried to pull away, but the bugbear was too strong.

He pulled his free leg back enough to be able to kick the creature in the side of the head, but the attempt did nothing but anger the bugbear more.

"Let him go, you disgustingly shitty wretch!" The queen's voice echoed around the village with both rage and authority. Before either the bugbear or Stan could respond, the queen hurled herself forward, blade in hand.

With a cry of rage, she pierced the sword straight into the bugbear's chest. The monster roared out in pain, finally releasing Stan's leg.

Stan scrambled away, thankful of the adrenaline to do so. An inHuman snarl came from the queen's lips as she twisted the blade in before forcing it deeper. Bones cracked and blood dripped from the bugbear's mouth and out its snout. It heaved and sputtered with unseeing eyes bulging from its head before it stiffened up and lay limp and lifeless.

The queen spat on its matted fur. "Pathetic creature. I'll have to convince Eric to do something about these backward when I get to the castle."

Stan opened his mouth to thank her, but instead, a gasp came out. He clenched his bitten leg between shaking hands.

"Stan!" the queen gasped, falling to her knees. "Oh, by the gods!" Her hands hovered over him unsure. After a few heartbeats, she swung her head up and yelled to the villagers, "Is one of you a doctor? A healer? Please! He's hurt!"

The sound of hurried footsteps neared them. Someone hovered close. They said something, but the pain made it impossible for Stan to focus. Gentle hands took his hands from his wound. He tried to put them back, but the hands held firm.

The tingle of healing magic flitted across his skin and the pain began to wane.

"Stan? Stan, how are you feeling?" He heard the queen ask.

He groaned in reply.

"Good. Rest now. I promise it'll be alright."

Stan did not argue with that order.

~~~~~~

His leg still ached when he woke, but the pain dulled down to an unpleasant thudding in time with his heartbeat. His head was fuzzy with the after effects of mediocre healing magic. He let out a loud moan and rolled his head to the side. A thick blanket covered him as he laid on a cot.

He wanted to push the blanket off and check his wound, but his limbs felt like lead, and he was so, so comfortable under it.

Just as he drifted back off, the door opened and a beautiful woman came in. She looked, but he couldn't quite remember who she was. A few flirtatious remarks drifted up, but they were so jumbled together, he couldn't pick one away to say to her. She just was so pretty.

"Can I kiss you?" he muttered, eyes dropping back down, the woman heard him and gasped a little. She said something, stroking his hair from his face, but Stan had already fallen back asleep.

~~~

"You won't be able to travel for another day," the healer told Stan with a frown the next afternoon. "I'll lend you a staff to walk with, but riding is out of the question until tomorrow."

Stan groaned, stretching out his bandaged calf. Of all the towns he could have gotten hurt in, it had to be the one where the magical healer had only a year and a half experience at his craft. Stan had much worse wounds magically healed in half the time during the war.

"Where is her majesty?" Stan took the staff and hauled himself up. He choked down a gasp of pain. The healer held their hands out, but Stan waved them away. "I'm fine. Where is she? I'm her guard. It's my job to keep her safe."

The healer frowned. "Outside, last I saw. She was speaking — somehow — with a crow to deliver a message. The children are very interested in her."

"She is a very interesting person," Stan said more to himself than the healer. The crow must have to been sent alert Kyle what happened and that they would arrive later than expected.

Stan took only a few steps outside the healer's home to find the queen sitting in a small patch of grass with a ground of young children gathered around her. Some women sat nearby, half keeping an eye on the children and half talking amongst themselves.

The queen weaved some flowers into a crown while a gaggle of little girls circled behind her attempting to fix a messy braid.

"There we go," the queen set the crown on a child's head. The child let out a cry of excitement and burst out of the crowd towards a woman with an infant on her knee. A few more broke off from the crowd to follow the first child.

"If you bring me more flowers, I'll make anyone else who wants a crown too." the queen smiled at the children.

"I'll get some!"

"Me, too! Me too!"

Four children turned on their heels and darted away to fetch some flowers, much to the amusement of the onlooking women.

With a gap in the crowd, Stan stepped forward.

"Your majesty? Is all well?" He asked. All the children turned to him with wide eyes.

"Wooow, he's the guy who helped kill the man-bear-pig!" one whispered.

"He's an elf! A real-life elf! Lookit, his ears!" Said another.

The queen clapped her hands. "Children, may I introduce the captain of the royal guard, a friend of wolves and badgers, slayer of ogres and bugbears, and a mighty hero of the war, Stanley Marshwalker."

Stan had a feeling she introduced him so extravagantly to draw some of the attention away from herself.

One child darted forward, tugging on Stan's shirt. "Lean down! Lean down! I wanna touch your ears!"

Another grabbed his pant leg. "Can I see your sword? Where is it? I wanna use it! I wanna be a hero."

Soon, it seemed as if the queen became the least interesting person in the whole village as all the children gathered around Stan. The women laughed but did not rush to Stan's aid. The queen rolled her wrist in a 'go-on' gesture.

"Distract them." She mouthed, eyes darting towards the town square, where the rest of the village was still cleaning up after the events of yesterday. The bugbear along with its fallen had been piled atop a stack of wood. The monsters head, however, had been cut off and a thick stick stabbed through its neck. The village would leave it somewhere as a deterrent to other bugbears.

A pang of pity hit his chest. He'd seen villages ravaged by war where children wore hopeless faces, unable to forget the horrors that they'd seen.

"Um, alright," Stan stooped down, still holding tight to the staff, then pushed his hair back behind his ears. "You may look, but don't--"

A flurry of small hands grabbed hold of his pointed ears and yanked him to his knees.

"Wow! Woooow! They're so pointy! Pointy point!" Someone bent back the point of his left ear.

"Do you hear better than people do? Hello! Helloooo! Mr. Elf can you hear me?!" A child shouted right into his eardrum.

"Can you move them like my puppy does?" yet another pinched his ear lobe and tugged on it.

"Oh, no, no, no!" The queen jumped to her feet. She as well as the women peeled the children away from Stan, leaving him dazed on the ground and clenching the staff with white knuckles. He would have rather fought the hobgoblins than deal with that ever again.

The queen bent forward. "Stan? Are you alright."

"What?" He reached up to rub the ear that had been shouted in. "Give me a minute."

The adults scolded the children as the ability to hear returned to him. Most of them did not look all that apologetic. Several were pulling at the tops of their ears instead of listening. He took deep breaths, then stood, careful to keep his weight off the bad leg.

"Sorry," the queen whispered. "I should have known they would do that."

"No, it's fine. I was just surprised is all," Stan whispered back. He took another breath, stepping forward. He said over the din, "I'm guessing none of you have seen an elf?"

The children spun around, instantly moving their attention from the adults back to Stan.

"No! Never!" said one.

"I saw one once," claimed another.

"That was just a weird shaped tree, and you know it!" a third accused.

Stan breathed a laugh and shook his head. "If someone finds me a chair to sit on, I can tell you all about us."

Soon enough, Stan settled down into a rickety chair, thankful to be off his injured leg. About that time, the children who ran off to find flowers returned with their arms full of blooms and leaves. The queen sat off to the side, continuing to weave flower crowns as Stan started taking questions.

Thankfully, all of them were silly questions that proved none of these children had been more than two miles outside of their home village and nothing outrageous.

"Can Elves only eat vegetables?"

"Some do, but we don't have to."

"Is it true you can talk to trees?"

"I can't, but I know some priests who do."

"Can you move your ears? Do you hear better?"

"Only a little, and, yes, I can hear noises from farther away than you could."

"Do all Elves use magic?"

"Do all Humans?"

The answer to that final question sent a wave of understanding across the children's faces. They began to murmur amongst themselves.

The queen chuckled into her hand then sent him a smile that made his stomach flip. Moving to hide his ears behind his hair, he turned his attention back to the crowd. At this point, some of the older children had taken a break from helping the adults to stand at the edges of the crowd.

One whispered to another, and the grin of pure mischief that only teenagers can manage crossed her face.

"I have a question." The teen asked, snorting, "Do, uh, heh-heh, do Elf men have the same, ah, stuff as Human men? You know, uh, down — down there?"

At this point, she and her friend doubled over, leaning against each other for support. Several of the adults shouted the teens' names reprimandingly as the younger children exchanged confused expressions.

Stan's ears twitched in embarrassment, escaping from behind his hair, and showed off how pink they were. He scrambled to find an answer that wouldn't offend the adults or tip off the children to what the question meant.

"Well, of course, everything is the same," The queen quipped, holding up her final flower crown. "How would there be half-elves like myself otherwise?" She set the crown on a toddler’s head to adjust it. "Though it was my mother who was the elf, not my father, but the principle is the same."

Stan sighed with relief. The growing crowd of adults taking lunch settled down as the two teenagers who asked the question where led away for a talking to. Neither one seemed all that apologetic.

Another teen, this one wearing a surly expression, pushed closer, then loudly, and rudely, asked, "You're half-orc, aren't you? My mom says that's why you did what you did during the war because orcs are power thirsty and ugly. Mom says that you're a half-orc, and daughter of a runaway Elf queen. Is that true? Is that why you stole the relic during the war?"

The queen flinched back but quickly recomposed herself with a simple, disapproving frown. The adults and teenagers in the crowd gasped, several shouting apologies to the queen for the teen's behavior. An adult gripped the teen's arm in a white-knuckled grasp.

"Young man! These two saved our lives, show some respect!" The adult snapped, glancing warily at the queen.  "Farther more--"

"I have a question for you, young sir," the queen cut in, speaking in a tone so overly polite and sweet, that Stan shuddered.

The surly teen shrugged off the adult holding him and stood with his arms crossed, waiting for her question.

The queen stood, brushing off her skirts, then carefully picked her way through the children. As she neared, the teen's bravery wavered and he sunk back into himself ever so slightly.

With a pleasant smile, the queen crouched down just enough that she and the teen were looking at each other in the eye.

"Do you know what the saying Ni ukhould noav ukpeak abouav whaav ni doeuk noav know, leukav avrolluk ukaveal hiuk aveeavh means in common tongue?" She reached up and pinched his cheek. "It's a mouthful, I know, but it roughly translates 'One should not speak about what one does not know, lest trolls steal his teeth.'"

The queen flashed a wicked smile, her eyes flaring purple with magic. She squeezed his cheek tight between her fingers once then stood up straight. The teen's stumbled back, holding his face, looking terrified.

"Many people did many things during the war they are not proud of; I am no exception," She announced. "But if your mother so wishes it, I'd be willing to explain to her, in full detail, the corrupting effects of centuries-old tainted magic. Though I will admit now, they are less than pleasant."

A woman a few steps from the teen cringed and shirked back behind another woman, who looked at her with disapproval — the surly teen's mother, no doubt.

Folding her hands in front of her, the queen requested Stan to escort her back to the healer's home.

"I'm a bit tired from all that weaving," she explained, waiting for Stan to stand up and follow her back. The adults went right to scolding the teen as the children whined about the queen and her Elf guard leaving them. The queen did not pay them any mind.

~~~~~~

The healer's house had three rooms, two of which were divided into two smaller rooms. The front room held the hearth and was where the healer did their work, the other was a  large storeroom for their magic and medical supplies, as well as their food stores, and the third was divided into individual bedrooms.

The queen's room was the larger of the two with a big goose down mattress sitting atop of cot. the queen herself sat down on the mattress, staring out the window into the town square to watch the crowd she had amassed dissolve.

Stan leaned against his staff, chewing his lip. Should he say something? That final question stung her. It was well known amongst the nobility to never speak of the queen's Orc heritage nor her mother's abandonment of the kingdom.

He wished the royal bard, Jimmy, had come with them. Jimmy could make Kyle laugh until he had a belly ache. He would be perfect for helping the queen’s mood, but Jimmy always stayed with Kyle on trips, just in case some foreign dignitary or custom caused Kyle’ anger to flare and their king needed to cool his head before he did something regrettable.

Stan was alone in this endeavor.

He took a breath. "Your majesty, may I ask you a question?"

"If you fucking have to," The queen grumbled, dropping her royal dignity to swear.

"That spell you used yesterday, to light the arrow, where did you learn it?" He sat next to her on the mattress. She blinked and looked up, surprised that the question wasn't about what had happened outside.

"Oh, that? A simple fire starter spell." She explained. "Heidi taught it to me."

This was a positive topic Stan could use to lift the queen's spirits. Heidi Turner was a Human sorceress that the queen brought with her to the Elf Kingdom upon her marriage to Kyle. She spoke very highly of the magic user, praising her as the best in all of Zaron.

"She's very impressive. Didn't you say she trained under The Wizard King?" Stan planted his staff between his feet and leaned against it.

The queen chuckled. "That's exactly why I took her with me. It made Eric so pissed, I was sure he was going to push me off the top of the castle barracks."

Stan furrowed his brow but snorted a laugh anyway. "Really? Was she that special to him?"

"Special is an understatement. I think he wanted to marry her, but," the queen shrugged, "Eric is a douchebag, no offense to His Majesty, King Douchebag, of course. Once she started to surpass him in skill, he got so enraged about it, he actively tried to sabotage her studies. I couldn't have such a bright light go out, after all--and the look on his face when I told him I had Heidi studying with the best Elven magic users was priceless! He looked so red like he hadn't taken a dump in a year!"

"You took her with you just to spite him?" Stan chuckled. "How do you think The wizard king will react to when you tell him that Heidi and Kyle are working closely on a magical project?"

Stan didn't know much about Kyle and Heidi's project, except that it involved the mixing of Human magical tradition and Elven, but he did know that the two had become very good friends since the project began.

More than once, Kyle had sent Stan from his guard post outside the royal library to fetch an obscure ingredient for their experiments, only to come back to find them joyfully sharing a chuckle.

"I don't think I've ever met a Human as smart and funny as she is," Kyle told Stan once with a deep fondness in his voice.

In his mind's eye, Stan could almost see the Wizard King explode knowing that his ex-lover and his hated rival king were such good friends.

He smiled at the queen, expecting her to be smiling at her own mental image, but instead, her face deadpanned and she looked down at her hands.

"Yes. I'm sure he will not be pleased in the lease," She said slowly, "at how close Heidi and Kyle are."

Shutting her eyes, she told Stan to leave her be for the time being. Guilt gnawed at his stomach but Stan did as he was told.

At the door, he paused a moment to say, "You're a wonderful queen, your majesty, regardless where you come from."

~~~~~

Later that evening, Stan lay on the cot in his room, a bowl of stew nearly finished in his lap. According to the healer, he should be able to ride by tomorrow morning. If they didn't take any unneeded stops, the queen and he could easily make it to the castle in Kupa Keep before nightfall.

A knocking came from the door before the queen poked her head in.

"Your majesty, is everything all right?" Stan straightened up in his bed.

"Well, yes, but also, no." She wrapped her shawl around her shoulders and crept in, shutting the door behind her. "I have a request."

"Anything," Stan replied, trying not to focus on her chamise's low neckline. Without her corset on, he could see a little more than he felt comfortable with. As he banished any less-than-noble thoughts from his mind, the queen took a seat on the stool next to the bed.

"May I sleep with you tonight?"

Stan nearly choked on his meal. He coughed, beating his chest for a minute, then turned a wide-eyed stare at the queen.

"Excuse me?"

"You see, this room does not have a window, while mine does. Some teenagers kept coming to spy on me all last night, and as tempting as it is to blast magic right in those little shithead's faces, I would rather not give anyone any more reason to dislike me than they already seem to," she explained.

Stan gritted his teeth, looking around. "Where is my sword. I'll teach them how rude that is."

The queen put her hands on his shoulders and pushed him back down. "No need for that. Just let me stay here with you in your room."

Stan pressed his lips into a line but nodded regardless. He made a move to leave the cot for the floor, but the queen shook her head.

"No, no, I can bring my own bedding in."

A half hour later, the queen sat down on her own cot that she set up parallel to Stan's.  

Stan asked, "Are you sure you don't want one of these blankets?"

"I'm fine," The queen reassured.

"Of course, you're majesty." Stan bent himself in a half bow from his bed.

The queen frowned at him. "You can call me by my name. I know you call Kyle by his."

Since their shared childhood, Kyle had been Stan's best friend. Their bond was close as brothers, while Stan could only call the relationship between him and the queen friendly at best.

"Is that an order?" Stan asked.

The queen hummed. "Yes, I think it is. You have to call me 'Kenny' when we are alone together, understand?"

"As you wish, your maj — Kenny," Stan corrected.

Kenny smiled at him, her eyes twinkling. The tips of his ears heated up. Stan turned his head away from her and pretended to scratch the scalp right above the tip of his ear so she couldn't see.

She was so lovely. Kyle was a lucky, lucky Elf. Sometimes he wished Kyle had passed on the offer to marry her so Stan could have attempted to court her. He had enough noble blood in him, along with his achievements as a war veteran, to have attempted with no complaints that he was overstepping his bounds — not that it mattered at this point.

"One more request, Stan." Kenny swung her legs off the cot. "Would you mind if I removed my glamour?"

Stan furrowed his brow, turning back towards her. "You have a glamour spell on?"

Of course, Stan was no magic user, but he could usually detect basic illusionary spells well enough, especially at such short range. Perhaps Kenny's natural magical aura drowned it out, he thought.

She smiled sheepishly. "Yes, I'm afraid so. Maintaining it without thinking is second nature after all the years I've done it, but I do like to give it a rest every now and again."

"Of course you can. I don't care." Stan told her, trying to keep the curiosity out of his voice.

Kenny clasped her hands together with a grin. "Lovely. Thank you!"

The next moment, the queen changed. The hair on her arms and shoulders grew thicker and wiry, like bronze wire. Her bottom canine teeth poked out over her top lip and her muscles became more defined.

Her natural strength was so evident, that Stan couldn't help but to admire her. She might not have met the beauty standards set by Elves or Humans, but she was starting to meet all of his.

"That's better." She stretched then caught Stan's gaze on her. She cocked her head coyly to the side. "Enjoying the view?"

"Yeah," Stan replied instantly. "I mean, you look as radiant as ever. I don't see why you keep it on."

A sad smile crossed her lips. "Well, that's one person who thinks that."

"Two. His majesty must think so, too," Stan pointed out.

She barked a laugh. "Oh, no, he does not. He actually becomes quite uncomfortable when I remove my glamour around him."

Kyle was many things, but shallow enough to tell his wife to hide her true face because he didn't like it, he was not. And if he was, he would have told Stan about it.

"But he loves you." Stan shook his head. "That doesn't make sense."

"There are many kinds of love, Stan." She stood and went to stand over him. Kenny tilted her head at him, something soft in her gaze that made Stan's heart thump loudly against his ribcage. She leaned down and kissed his cheek.

"What Kyle and I have isn't the love you think it is," she whispered into his ear.

Not just Stan's ears went red this time. His whole face was the color of a fresh strawberry as the queen pulled back, but not entirely, out of his personal space. She lifted her knee onto the cot so it brushed against Stan's side.

"I don't—"

"I admire Kyle as a friend and a leader, and as far as I know, he admires me the same way, but we don't love each other, not like that. I don't think we could ever see the other in that way."

"But..." Stan puttered out, his head spinning. Before he could speak another word, Kenny placed a hand on his cheek and stroked under his eye with her thumb.

"You, on the other hand, I can see with me in many ways." She pressed her lips to his forehead as she spoke. He could feel her lower canines against his skin, and he didn't dislike it.

"There is no love in political marriages. So what do you say? Will you be my paramour?"

Stan's mouth gaped open and shut like a freshly caught trout. It was hard to breathe, and his body felt like it was melting from the heat. A heavy, guilty, enthusiastic 'yes' sat on his tongue, pushing against his teeth to get out. He swallowed it down. It tasted bittersweet.

"I...I can't," Stan stammered. "You're my best friend's wife. I can't do that to him." Stan put a firm hand on her shoulders and pushed her back. "And I can't believe you would do that to him. You took a vow!"

"Keep your voice down!" Kenny looked over her shoulder towards the door. "I'm not doing anything Kyle isn't already."

Stan narrowed his eyes. "Are you implying my king is an adulterer?"

"I'm not implying; I'm confirming." She readjusted her shawl. "He had lovers well before I was married off to him by Eric. Jimmy and Heidi, both."

Stan shook his head. Of course, he knew Kyle and Jimmy had gotten particularly close when Stan left for training when they were teenagers, and that Kyle and  Heidi spent many hours studying and comparing the magic of their two peoples, but Kyle wasn't in love with either them.

If he was, he would have told Stan for sure. He always told Stan his secrets.

"I'm going to sleep. Let’s not speak of this again." Stan laid down. He yanked the blankets out from under Kenny's knees to pull over his head. "Good night, your majesty. Sleep well."

Kenny heaved a sigh. "Not as well as we could have, my dear."

~~~~~~

AN: The Orcish Translator I used

Next update should be in a week, next Sunday.

[paleorecipecookbook]

RHR: What the EAT-Lancet Paper Gets Wrong, with Diana Rodgers

In this episode, we discuss:

What’s missing from the EAT-Lancet Diet

The relationship between meat and the environment

The right way to raise livestock

Where the misunderstanding around meat and the environment comes from

Protein and the EAT-Lancet diet

The impact agriculture has on the environment

The problem with lab-grown meat and a meat tax

Diana’s upcoming docuseries, Sacred Cow

Show notes:

“Why You Should Eat Meat: My Appearance on the Joe Rogan Experience,” by Chris Kresser

“20 Ways EAT Lancet’s Global Diet Is Wrongfully Vilifying Meat,” by Diana Rodgers

“Food in the Anthropocene: the EAT–Lancet Commission on Healthy Diets from Sustainable Food Systems”

“Why Eating Meat Is Good for You,” by Chris Kresser

“Should You EAT Lancet?” by Marty Kendall

“The EAT Lancet Diet is Nutritionally Deficient,” by Zoë Harcombe

“What Is Nutrient Density and Why Is It Important?” by Chris Kresser

Allan Savory’s TED Talk: “How to Fight Desertification and Reverse Climate Change”

“Sustainable Dish Episode 83: The Truth about Greenhouse Gas Emissions in Livestock Production with Frank Mitloehner,” by Diana Rodgers

“Sustainable Dish Episode 84: Meat as Scapegoat with Frédéric Leroy,” by Diana Rodgers

Sacred Cow, a film by Diana Rodgers

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Chris Kresser:  Diana, thanks so much for joining me again on the podcast.

Diana Rodgers:  Yeah. Thanks for having me.

Chris Kresser:  So, we have a lot to talk about.

Diana Rodgers:  Yeah.

Chris Kresser:  This is an annual event, where there’s some big news story that comes out or study that’s published that demonizes meat and animal foods and purports to be the final nail in the coffin for anybody who's eating animal products. In fact, as you know, I just went on the Joe Rogan show, my third appearance there, to debate Dr. Joel Kahn about the merits of animal foods in the diet and eating a vegan diet. And I spent a lot of hours preparing for that and wrote a lot of articles. And the debate itself was almost four hours long, and admittedly I was a little tired out after that experience. And I just couldn't muster the energy and strength to write a rebuttal to the EAT-Lancet paper that was published. But you did, and several other people did.

And so I’d love to dive in and talk about that, as well as just stepping back a little bit and discussing some of the environmental impacts or the purported environmental impact of eating meat and what's wrong with the traditional narrative there. Because I didn't get to talk much on the Joe Rogan show about that. And then some of the difficulties of addressing this, and how I know you’ve been working on a film to try to get this message out that we’ve talked about. So why don't we just start first with the EAT-Lancet paper, since this is what's really making the rounds now and bringing this to the forefront of everybody's attention.

What’s Missing from the EAT-Lancet Diet

Diana Rodgers:  Yeah, definitely. So there’s, they were really attacking red meat on a nutritional and environmental angle. So, I know your arguments on the Joe Rogan podcast were purely nutritional. I think that the main narratives are always nutrition, environment, and ethics. And ethics were kept out of the EAT-Lancet. Very long paper that took me quite a long time to read. But there's definitely a lot of misinformation in there about meat.

I mean, they’re using observational studies to basically tell us that we cannot have any processed meats at all, lumping them all together, and that we can only eat less than half an ounce of red meat per day. We can only have less than one ounce of chicken per day. But yet we can have eight teaspoons of sugar per day.

Chris Kresser:  Yeah, and plenty of corn and rice and wheat. Let's talk a little bit … I think most of my listeners are pretty familiar with the nutritional arguments. I and others have written a lot about that, and most recently my … in preparation for the Rogan show, I published a whole cornerstone page with everything you need to debunk the nutritional arguments. So, that's at ChrisKresser.com/rogan, if you want to look it up.

But I just want to briefly talk about the nutrient density of this EAT-Lancet diet. Because if you just look at it from that single perspective, nutritionally you’ll see very quickly that it falls short. And our body needs micronutrients to function properly. And if a proposed diet doesn't offer those micronutrients in sufficient quantities, I think we can safely say it's not a good diet for humans to follow.

And I don’t want to spend a ton of time on this, so I’m just going to go through this really briefly, and then I want to switch over to talking more about some of the environmental issues. Because that's, I know, an area where you have a lot of expertise. And I really love what you have to say there. So, Zoë Harcombe did an analysis, and I think you had mentioned, Diana, that Marty Kendall did too. So we can talk about that. But Zoë's analysis, it’s not publicly accessible. You have to be a subscriber to see it. But I can share this part of it. She analyzed the EAT-Lancet diet using food tables and found that it was well below the RDA for several nutrients: B12, retinol, vitamin D, vitamin K2, which wasn’t even studied separately, but 71 percent of the K in the diet came from broccoli.

So we know that there's probably very little K2 in the diet. Sodium, potassium, calcium, and iron. So that's a lot of the essential nutrients that we need, and in some cases it was providing less than 20 percent of the RDA of those nutrients. So, to me, that's pretty much case closed on that basis alone. And then we can look at all the other problems that observational studies on red meat and all of that entail. And I just think it’s … there’s really nothing to be alarmed about. This study doesn't add any new evidence that meat and animal products are harmful.

Diana Rodgers:  Not at all. And another thing she didn’t mention in her paper or her review is the conversion rate of some of the vitamins, like beta-carotene to vitamin A, and almost half the population can’t make that conversion easily. And so even though on paper it my show that the vitamin A was adequate, actually not.

Despite what the EAT-Lancet paper says, meat is still a healthy addition to your diet. Check out this episode of RHR for my discussion with Diana Rodgers about what a real healthy diet looks like. #nutrition #chriskresser #wellness 

Chris Kresser:  It’s the same with all of these other nutrients. I actually wrote an article. I addressed this in my article on nutrient density you can find at the ChrisKresser.com/Rogan link. Iron, 94 percent of the iron in the EAT-Lancet diet is from plant-based forms of iron. And we know that heme iron that you get from animal products orders a magnitude better absorbed than most plant forms of iron. And the same with calcium, that is better absorbed from, in most cases, from animal products. And virtually every other nutrient, zinc, long-chain omega-3 fats, only found in animal products. So it's really, yeah, that conversion and bioavailability piece is almost never addressed in these kinds of studies.

Diana Rodgers:  Right, and you also write a lot about B12 and how these plant-based B12 analogues actually increase your need for a real B12.

Chris Kresser:  Exactly. Yeah, so, really nothing to see here from a nutritional perspective. But part of why it's making such a big splash is in addition to the highly coordinated launch campaign that is driven by celebrity, very wealthy celebrity type of people who are behind this, is the argument that not only should we avoid red meat and animal products for these nutritional reasons, but they're destroying the planet. So let’s really dive into that and unpack that from the perspective of the paper. I think you wrote an article, something like 20 reasons or 20 points against this. So we don't have to go through all of those, but let’s cover the highlights.

The Relationship between Meat and the Environment

Diana Rodgers:  Yeah, well, I think the number one thing that people need to understand is that we can’t just assume that if we’re not raising animals that it will automatically free up land for more crops. So, agricultural land isn't interchangeable. Most of the agricultural land on the globe is not suited for cropping due to water availability. It’s too rocky, it’s too steep.

So, I think a lot of people, especially that haven’t traveled much, look around and just see the nice flat land and just assume that everywhere in the world is like that. I mean, picture Iceland, Norway, picture many parts of Africa, Mongolia. I mean, there’s just so many places that really will only support grazing animals and not wheat and corn and soy production. And so that’s a huge thing that we need to consider, and if we are to not graze animals on that land, not only will we lose that for food production, but the land will also desertify. Because we just don’t have those wild herds and the numbers that we used to any longer.

And ruminants are actually incredibly beneficial. Their impact on the land helps increase water holding capacity; their grazing actually stimulates new growth in a good way. So you can’t just have these fenced-off acres with nothing on it. You actually need grazing animals as part of healthy grassland ecosystems.

Chris Kresser:  Yeah, that's a point that is really misunderstood. I see a little bit more discussion about it certainly, at least in our realm. But I’m having kind of a hard time thinking of a mainstream article that really did justice to that point. Do you know of any?

Diana Rodgers:  Well, I've written a few blog posts on it and have talked a lot about it. I think Allan Savory does a really good job.

Chris Kresser:  Certainly.

Diana Rodgers:  Yeah, in his Savory Institute work that they've done and also his TED talk. But I think that's definitely the number one point that people need to understand. And it's funny because I am working on a book as well on this topic, and my publisher actually has published a ton of vegan books, and he was skeptical. And once he read my environmental argument and specifically wrapped his head around this very topic, I won him over.

Chris Kresser:  That’s amazing.

Diana Rodgers:  Yeah, people just, because we’re so divorced from nature, you and I have talked about this before just off-line, but that’s the number one problem is that people just have no idea how food is produced and what makes a healthy ecosystem. And a lot of the vegans will, the ones who do accept that not all land can be cropped, just want it turned over to be rewilded.

So let’s just crop everything we can possibly crop and then we’ll just rewild all the pastureland with deer or something cute. But then what are we going to do because we’ve eliminated all the predators? I mean even in the town I live in outside of Boston, we have a massive deer problem. And nobody wants hunting because they don’t want to see dead animals on their beautiful hikes around the conservation land here in my town. And if we eliminate the predators, we need to be responsible for how these populations of wild animals are managed. And so the other option, if we’re not going to hunt them, I suppose would be to bring back wolves. I don’t know how.

Chris Kresser:  I don't think that would go over well.

Diana Rodgers:  I don’t know how my waiting for the bus in my town with wolves swirling around at dawn will go over. So it quickly backs them into a very uncomfortable corner there.

Chris Kresser:  I think another thing that you point out that people don’t realize is that 90 percent of what cattle eat is, at least in a natural grazing state, not in a CAFO type of arrangement, is forage and plant leftovers that humans can’t eat.

Diana Rodgers:  Right, exactly. And even in, I mean, I’m not an advocate for feedlot beef, but I think one thing people don’t understand about even cattle that are raised on feedlots, or that are finished on feedlots rather, is that they’re not raised on feedlots.

Chris Kresser:  Right.

Diana Rodgers:  So 85 percent of the beef cattle in the US are actually grazing on land that can't be cropped. And even if they do end up on a feedlot, 90 percent of their total intake is non-edible food to humans. And so they're eating, for example, soybean cakes. But that’s left over from the soybean oil industry.

Chris Kresser:  Right.

Diana Rodgers:  They’re eating large amounts of distiller’s grains, lots of foods that would normally emit greenhouse gases and decompose anyway. Ranchers are also grazing cattle on spent wheat and cornfields. So you know that corn would just decompose and emit greenhouse gases either way. So why not run it through a ruminant gut and make protein out of it?

Chris Kresser:  And fertilizer, as you pointed out.

Diana Rodgers:  Exactly, exactly.

Chris Kresser:  Yeah. I mean, it’s so much more nuanced. This is a theme that will probably come up in our conversation a lot is, and I know Robb, Robb and I commiserate about it, and I know you do as well with him. But the vegan narrative is so simple in a lot of ways and it plays into a lot of assumptions, even if they’re wrong, that you don’t really have to explain it to people. It just, people have heard things over and over again. “Meat is bad for the environment, it’s bad for us, therefore eliminate meat from your diet and the food system, and everyone will be healthier.” That’s so easy to understand.

But as Robb has pointed out many times, the counterargument is nuanced and complex. And is not quite as simple to understand and requires that you actually pay attention to some of these finer points. And I think that is one of the challenges that we face in this struggle. But it’s not incomprehensible. I mean, if you just get a few of the simple points like this, it starts to become a lot easier to understand.

Diana Rodgers:  Definitely.  And now my point was … oh, I was going to say too that there's a lot, 50 percent of the carcass of a cow is not eaten but used for other industry uses. So we've got leather, we've got insulin, we’ve got footballs, we’ve got lots of medical applications, fertilizer. So eliminating all animals from our food system, there's a great study I think I sent you this morning that was published in PNAS about what would happen if we eliminated all animals from our food system.

So the greenhouse gas emissions would only decrease by about 2 1/2 percent. But our overall caloric intake would actually go way up, and our nutrient deficiencies would go up. So we already have a problem in our culture where we’re over-consuming calories and not getting enough nutrients. So we would just be making the problem worse for about a 2 percent emission reduction.

The Right Way to Raise Livestock

Chris Kresser:  And those numbers don’t assume any improvement in how cattle are managed, right?

Diana Rodgers:  Right. That was just typical cattle.

Chris Kresser:  Right. So if we actually made improvements in how cattle are managed, do you think there could be a net sequestration of carbon?

Diana Rodgers:  Oh, definitely. So there's been some research coming out of Michigan State showing the difference between continuous grazing and what they term “adaptive multi-paddock grazing,” which is similar to Allan Savory's method, so basically when you intensively graze an area and then move the cattle off quickly.

So, this is how, for example, herds in Africa naturally move because of predator pressure, so it's much worse for the land to have, let's say if you have a 10-acre field and have 100 cattle on that land for the whole summer, as opposed to tightly bunching and moving them frequently and allowing that land to rest. Because that's when carbon gets sequestered, in the regrowth phase of the grass. And so the grass is going through photosynthesis, it’s pulling down carbon and actually exuding carbon sugars to bacteria and to fungal networks that are then passing that grass nutrient. So the fungus is actually mining rocks and getting the minerals from that and feeding it to the grass, and that's how carbon is sequestered. And that process is most effective and actually is a net carbon gain when cattle are managed in this way.

So that's why I like to say “it's not the cow, it’s the how,” because there's just many different ways of raising cattle. Just like there are many different ways of growing broccoli. We can do it in a monocrop system, or we can do it in a more rotational system where we’re integrating it with other crops. And what we need is less monocrops because that's just not how healthy ecosystems work, and farmland is not natural. Like, when you fly over the United States, all those squares you’re looking down at, that's not nature, that's man doing that.

Chris Kresser:  Yeah. I know from your article, you did also a podcast with Frank Mitloehner—is that how you pronounce it? We’ll include a link to that in the show notes because I think people should listen to that. He’s an expert in greenhouse gas emissions and animal agriculture. And you guys talk a lot about what’s really going on there and why some of the typical numbers that are thrown around are not accurate. And if anyone’s interested in a deeper dive, I’d definitely recommend listening to that.

So, greenhouse gas from beef cattle represents, just as it's currently done with no improvements, like you just mentioned, is 2 percent of emissions. And by contrast, transportation is 27 percent. So, yet when I go to WeWork, which I have an office at—

Diana Rodgers:  Oh, gosh.

Chris Kresser:  You probably know this.

Diana Rodgers:  Oh, no.

Chris Kresser:  But some of my listeners might not know that WeWork is a company that has committed to this idea that eating a vegetarian diet will save the planet. And they, I think, so, I was there two days ago on Monday, and they have meatless Monday at WeWork, where they served veggie burgers in the main lounge. And then they print these cards that they post around there, around the office, that say, “If everyone was just a vegetarian for,” I can't remember, “one or two days a week, we would save 450 million pounds of carbon dioxide emissions.” And again, this goes back to the simplicity thing.

Most people get in the elevator, they see that and they're like, “Oh, wow, okay. I guess I should become a vegetarian.” So how does this continue? I mean, it’s not surprising that there’s a disconnect between actual science and what we see in the media. We know that from the nutrition world and everything else. But how do you think this got started? Was there a lot of misunderstanding initially which led to these numbers and then later science kind of brought more clarity? Or what do you think? How have we gotten here?

Diana Rodgers:  Well, I actually just released an amazing podcast on Tuesday of this week, so maybe you could link to that one too, with the guy from Brussels, Frédéric Leroy.

Chris Kresser:  I read some of his papers. You sent them to me awhile back before the Rogan debate.

Where the Misunderstanding around Meat and the Environment Comes From

Diana Rodgers:  Oh, he’s so fantastic. Yeah, so, his opinion is that meat is unfairly absorbing a lot of our worries about our health, our state of our health and the environment, because meat is so powerful and can absorb it. But it's unfairly the scapegoat for our stressors. So, everyone just, it's much easier for us to blame meat than it is to perhaps look at our transportation industry and be uncomfortable about that. I mean, the main funder of that EAT-Lancet paper has a private jet and transportation was never mentioned in the EAT-Lancet.

Chris Kresser:  I don’t know if this is accurate, but I read something about how just the jet trips for the reporter would have a bigger impact on the environment than the diet changes that they were talking about.

Diana Rodgers:  Exactly, exactly. And so, in Livestock’s Long Shadow, that's when a lot of this all started. The mass information about the emissions with cattle. And unfortunately, when they did that study, what they did was they looked at all the emissions, the full lifecycle of ruminant animals. They looked at production of the feed, all the transportation, all the emissions, everything. And when they compared that to transportation, they only looked at tailpipe exhaust. So they didn't even factor in transportation, for example, in the transportation numbers.

And so when you look at the global numbers at emissions of cattle versus transportation, you're looking at apples to oranges there. So you're looking at the full lifecycle of a beef animal compared to just the tailpipe emissions from transportation. So that's not fair. And also in other countries, the percentage is a little bit higher. But that's in places where maybe transportation plays a lesser role where there are less cars per cow. And so, their relative emissions may be higher. But that's again not taking into account the fact that cattle can actually sequester carbon and many, many other factors. And so the authors of Livestock’s Long Shadow did reduce their numbers, I think, from 18 to 14 percent and did admit that their numbers were still off because of the transportation. There are no global lifecycle papers on transportation.

But yet that 18 percent, I’ve heard even 50 percent. I don't even know where that number comes from, but that, the 50 percent is the number that's often cited by this group called Green Mondays and they are the ones that have worked with Berkeley to make all of the government meetings meatless on Mondays. That organization, I’ve looked into, and they’re actually funded by an organization out of Singapore that produces plant-based pork.

Chris Kresser:  Right.

Diana Rodgers:  And so there’s a lot, the environment and ethics and even the nutrition argument is very convenient for large food companies to profit, because processing means profit.

Chris Kresser:  Well, let’s talk a little bit about that, and since we’re on the topic, I do want to come back to some of the other ways that an animal-based food system or food system that includes animals can actually benefit biodiversity and things like that. So yeah, follow the money. We talk about that a lot on this show. I’m not a conspiracy theorist, but on the other hand, you'd be very naïve and misguided to assume that money doesn't play a big role in setting food policy and coming up with these laws. It always has.

Protein and the EAT-Lancet Diet

And it probably always will. And if you look at the EAT-Lancet diet, I think this is from Marty Kendall's analysis, you’ll find that 32 percent of calories come from rice, wheat, and corn, and 14 percent come from unsaturated oils. So these are highly processed foods.

Diana Rodgers:  Right.

Chris Kresser:  We’re not talking about corn on the cob.

Diana Rodgers:  Or wheat berries.

Chris Kresser:  Wheat berries. Or even, like, in some cases, just the whole-grain rice. We’re talking about highly processed corn and wheat and rice derivatives, and then highly processed industrial seed oils that comprise almost 50 percent of calories. And who does that benefit? This study was sponsored by a basically hit list A-team of—

Diana Rodgers:  Processed food companies.

Chris Kresser:  Global processed food companies—DuPont, PepsiCo, Dannon, Nestlé, Cargill, Kellogg's. So, like, food and agricultural companies that make their money by selling processed and refined foods. And so that's very revealing.

And then the other thing that Marty Kendall pointed out, which is directly tied to this, is that this diet, when you work out the macronutrient ratios, it ends up being low in protein and moderate in fat and carbohydrates. And there are really no foods in nature that fit that profile, or very few. You have breast milk and acorns, I think, are the two that he pointed out. And this is a recipe for, that macronutrient mix of low protein and then higher fat and carbohydrate is a recipe for highly palatable and rewarding food. So if you look at the foods that are on this list that fit that profile, there are things like chocolate milk, potato chips, French toast, waffles, ice cream, pancakes.

Diana Rodgers:  Kit-Kat.

Chris Kresser:  Yeah, biscuits, Kit-Kat, Twix, chocolate chip cookies, pie crust. I mean, are you kidding me? This is the macronutrient profile that we should be following? Oh, who does not benefit? All of the companies that make these processed foods. So it's really revealing when you look at it from that perspective.

Diana Rodgers:  I know. And I think it's really irresponsible to promote a diet that's about 10 percent in protein when we have, I mean, just in America, more than 50 percent of Americans are metabolically broken and really benefit from much higher protein levels.

Chris Kresser:  Increasing their protein. And we know that of all the macronutrients, protein is the one that has the biggest impact on satiety.

Diana Rodgers:  Exactly.

Chris Kresser:  Which it will reduce the likelihood that people overeat, which many Americans are doing.

Diana Rodgers:  Yeah.

Chris Kresser:  And any clinician or dietitian like yourself who's worked with people knows if they're struggling with weight, putting them on a higher-protein diet is probably the most important thing you can do. And there's even some, if you look at the studies on low-carb diets, I think probably one of the reasons, if not one of the main reasons, that they’re so effective is that they’re higher in protein.

Diana Rodgers:  Yeah, and I have to say too, so I actually have recently been following Marty Kendall's NutrientOptimiser diet personally, just as an experiment to try to maximize my micronutrients. And I eat really well. I live on a farm. I have a lot of education in nutrient density. I have access to all these foods. It's really hard to get all your micronutrients in the day. But it's really easy to feel satiated when you have a high percentage of animal protein in your diet. So whether that's oysters, which I know I can beat his leaderboard if I just eat a ton of oysters in one day.

Chris Kresser:  That’s right. That’s right.

Diana Rodgers:  But liver, and then just regular old animal protein. Filling the rest of your diet with colorful vegetables is the way to go. But it still, I still was low, actually, believe it or not, in iron, even with all the protein I’ve been consuming on this diet.

Chris Kresser:  Yeah, I’m always talking to my patients about a lot of, especially if they’re favoring like chicken and fish, and not eating shellfish or organ meats, is that some muscle meats are not that high in iron. So it’s organ meats and shellfish that are really the powerhouses from that perspective.

And this brings up another question about bioavailability, right? Because we’ve both talked about this a lot. It's not at all the case that protein from plant sources like legumes is going to be absorbed in the same way that protein is absorbed from animal foods like meat and eggs and fish and dairy products. There is something called the … there are various scoring systems that are used in the scientific literature to assess the bioavailability of protein. And no matter what scoring system you use, animal proteins come out ahead of plant proteins, and usually by a very large margin.

Diana Rodgers:  And, I mean, trying to get your protein from beans and rice, if you’re trying to do the combining in order to get the right profile of amino acids, you would, so I did the calculations. So in order to get the right amount, the same amount of protein you would get from a four-ounce steak, which is 181 calories, you’d need to eat 12 ounces of beans and a cup of rice. So that’s 638 calories and 122 grams of carbs. And you're still not getting the same beautiful profile of amino acids that you can get from this 181-calorie piece of steak.

Chris Kresser:  Right, which goes back to Marty Kendall's point where you’re basically, if you eat a low-protein diet, it’s going to be a much higher-calorie diet in most cases.

Diana Rodgers:  Yeah, and higher carb and just setting people down to the road towards metabolic disorder.

The Impact Agriculture Has on the Environment

Chris Kresser:  Yeah. So let’s go back now. I want to finish up talking about the impact of animals in the food system. Because I think there's still some other points that are worth going into here that a lot of people may not be familiar with. So one is, we talked about how not all land is suitable for grazing. But let’s talk about maybe the flipside of that is what happens when you use a lot of land for crops like corn and rice and soy and wheat?

Diana Rodgers:  Right, I mean a lot of, and most of this is not organically grown and using animals to graze in all of that. So the large majority of our monocrops are heavily sprayed with chemicals that leave a residue on the leaves that we’re ingesting. And also completely sterilize the soil and create runoff that then ends up in the Mississippi River and creating massive dead zones in the Gulf of Mexico.

So there are just so many problems with monocropping the way we’re doing it today. We have created an insect apocalypse. And so we’ve lost pollinators. We’re killing fish, which in turn then kills the animals that need to be eating the fish. And so we’re annihilating biodiversity both above and below ground. And so one teaspoon of soil has more microbes in it than all of the humans on earth. And when we spray it with things like Roundup, we’re completely killing all of that. And so we've destroyed just so much of our soil and so much of it is also just blowing away and running off.

So, I mean, the Dust Bowl was a good example of that, and we’re headed for another one right now. So according to the United Nations, we have about 60 harvests left, at the rate we’re going.

Chris Kresser:  This is alarming. This is like an emergency thing on the level that's part of climate change, of course, but also on the same level as potential for water shortages. People, I don't think, are … I mean, some people are aware of it, of course, but we’re talking about some very, very serious implications here.

Diana Rodgers:  And when the soil is compacted and we’re constantly just stripping away the biodiversity of the soil, when rain comes, it just washes all the topsoil away into rivers, and that's how we get these really cloudy rivers. Because rivers in general should be clear. And in a system where we have healthy ruminants managed in a proper way, the soil acts like a sponge and can actually hold a lot more water from rain, instead of allowing it to just wash off and take the topsoil with it. My husband is so into topsoil that even we have two border collies, and they sleep in our mudroom at night. And they come in, they’re black and white, but their white parts are really dirty-looking at the end of the day.

Chris Kresser:  Brown.

Diana Rodgers:  And in the morning they’re totally white and they leave massive amounts of soil on the ground. And I literally have to sweep it up and put it in the field because that’s how into topsoil he is.

Chris Kresser:  Well, yeah, and how precious it is too.

Diana Rodgers:  Exactly, exactly. And just nobody is looking at our farmland as a biological system. It’s been reduced to this reductionist chemical, let’s produce as many calories as possible, which is ruining our health and our land.

Chris Kresser:  Let’s talk a little bit also about how ruminants can improve biodiversity. I mean, we touched on that just briefly, but water is a big issue, and I know that cattle can improve water holding capacity of the land. And that has a whole bunch of downstream effects.

Diana Rodgers:  Yeah. And also too, even the worst-managed cattle on overgrazed grass is still a better system than monocrop grain. So you still, I mean, and even in a better system, you've got butterflies, you've got birds, you've got all kinds of life above ground and below ground that are teeming.

The whole goal, what people don't realize, is that we want as much life as possible. And our current system is actually making sure that we’re annihilating as much life as possible. So if we look at the extinction process that's been happening over the last 50 years, again, it's something completely alarming. I know Silent Spring came out and people were all up in arms. But the solution is not a vegetarian solution. So Diet for a Small Planet is outdated information, and what we need is more better cattle, not no cattle.

Chris Kresser:  It’s not the cow, it’s the how.

Diana Rodgers:  Exactly. And not only that too, another thing I brought up is what these rich white people in Sweden were not paying attention to is that livestock are really important to the majority of people living in poverty in the world in places where, what are you going to do in Kenya where it’s super arid and the Maasai have been herding cattle forever and ever? And we’re going to tell them that they need to go grow soybeans? With what seeds? Are they going to have to go buy them from Monsanto? Where are they going to get the water to irrigate? Where are they going to get the fertilizer if they can’t have animals? So I think it’s bordering on racist to have a grain-heavy diet as a global policy for the entire world.

Chris Kresser:  But we can just make more Cheetos.

Diana Rodgers:  Exactly, exactly.

Chris Kresser:  That’s probably the plan, part of the plan here. It’s really—

Diana Rodgers:  Well, to get them reliant on our aid. I mean, we’re already ruining Haiti with our rice that we’re giving to them. We’ve ruined their local economies, we’ve ruined their health. Now rice is a much higher percentage of their diet. Very few Haitians are actually growing their own food anymore. And it’s a really great way that we can control governments. I mean, that’s a whole other thing that we don’t have to get too much into. But it really makes me mad, the idea that we’re taking away people’s innate ability to be self-reliant.

Chris Kresser:  Not to mention the very clearly documented health impacts that are observed when traditional peoples adopt the Western food system.

Diana Rodgers:  Exactly, exactly. And I have an image on my post. So, the Canadian government decided that they knew best, advising a local Inuit population that they should be eating a Mediterranean diet. Which I think is just, I mean, this one image of this igloo showing all of their nutrient-dense traditional foods in the red category and bananas and oranges and orange juice in the green category. I mean that just sums up exactly how wrong we’ve gotten our dietary advice just in this one image.

Chris Kresser:  Absolutely. And if those poor kids start following that diet, they’re going to become morbidly obese.

Diana Rodgers:  Yeah.

Chris Kresser:  And this is seen. It’s been documented in so many different areas where traditional populations start to follow the government-sponsored diet, including Native Americans in the US.

Diana Rodgers:  Exactly.

Chris Kresser:  So, like the Pima, for example.

The Problem with Lab-Grown Meat and Meat Tax

Chris Kresser: So let's talk about some of the other proposals that are floating around that are based on this idea that meat is bad for us nutritionally and bad for the environment, which as I hope we’ve shown in this podcast, is misguided and others. But why not just make meat in a lab? Let’s say you accept that meat, animal protein is more bioavailable and so we do need meat, which some people seem to have accepted. But then why not just grow it in a lab and—

Diana Rodgers:  Reduce suffering.

Chris Kresser:  Yeah, reduce suffering and reduce greenhouse gas emissions. All of that. Yeah. And of course, make billions of dollars from the companies that are successful at doing that.

Diana Rodgers:  Yeah, and I think another thing.

Chris Kresser:  Nothing wrong with that per say, but yeah. There’s some financial motivation there perhaps.

Diana Rodgers:  Yeah. I’m so glad I don’t live where you live. I was actually just out there a couple days ago, and I’m, like, so happy that I’m not living there. Because that’s, like, the hotbed of all of this.

Chris Kresser:  Sure. You just have to be a hermit like me and live up on my hilltop.

Diana Rodgers:  And just go to WeWork and get mad at WeWork in the halls and elevators.

Chris Kresser:  Yep.

Diana Rodgers:  So, I mean, it’s really interesting, the lab meat thing, because I had a woman on my podcast about a year and a half ago who was a big vegan animal rights person telling me how great lab meat was. And I asked her if she knew how it was made, and she had no idea. But she was like, she’s like a really big deal animal rights activist and very vocal about how lab meat is a good solution. And interestingly, most vegans actually won't even accept it because you're using fetal bovine serum in order to make it, which is not “vegan” anyway.

But what folks aren’t realizing, number one, is that it relies on this horrible monocrop system, which is ruining our environment and a completely inefficient way of producing food on so many levels. But then the lifestyle assessments I've read are a lot based on projections because they haven't built the bioreactors yet. So they're making a lot of assumptions, but even the assumptions are so bad that the energy required in order to transform what they're using right now as the substrate.

So corn and soy, sometimes wheat, into protein, the amount of energy required for that is enormous. And when we have animals that can actually just do this on their own without having to be plugged into an outlet is really amazing. Plus, what they're not taking into consideration is the amount of antibiotics that they’ll need to prevent bacterial overgrowth because they’re growing these at just the perfect temperature for meat to grow. But of course that's also the perfect temperature for bacteria to grow as well.

Chris Kresser:  Everything else.

Diana Rodgers:  Cancerous cells, all these things. They had not figured out how to striate the meat with fats. There's a lot of input that we’re running out of that you need in order, there’s a lot of minerals that are being mined in war-torn countries that, actually the US military is, like, guarding these mines in order to get those raw materials in order to pump it into these cellular meat company facilities. So the whole system is energetically ridiculous, and it's not even causing less harm.

So that's my big argument, too, is that when you look at how many lives are lost from the loss of biodiversity, of taking a native ecosystem, plowing it up to make it into a cornfield, and then spraying it to make sure that nothing other than corn, not even mice or anything can grow there. The amount of life lost for that system versus one animal, one large ruminant animal. A cow can provide almost 500 pounds of meat. I just don't think the trade-offs are worth it at all from an ethical or environmental perspective.

Chris Kresser:  Yeah, another situation where the devil is in the details, right?

Diana Rodgers:  Yeah.

Chris Kresser:  Because on the fact of it, lab meat sounds, “Hey, why not?” Like, if we can do that and we can make it taste the same … But clearly including that woman that you interviewed on your podcast, that was kind of the level that she was approaching it on, without actually looking into the details. It sounds pretty good on the surface, so why not advocate it. But then when you look into it, you find it’s a little more complicated.

Diana Rodgers:  Yeah. I’ve been really loving The Wizard and the Prophet, Robb sent that over to me.

Chris Kresser:  I read that just recently.

Diana Rodgers:  Yeah, I think he told me.

Chris Kresser:  I sent it to Robb.

Diana Rodgers:  Yes, exactly, so I’m thanking you. I’m thanking you for the chain because I have my hands on it. And I’ve been not only reading the book, but then when I’m in my car or at the gym, I’m listening to it. So it’s really fantastic, and I think that that is at the crux of what we’re dealing with right now. Do we look at this, what some would call Luddite perspective of nature through Hoyt, or … I’m sorry. What was his name? Now I’m forgetting.

Chris Kresser:  Vogt.

Diana Rodgers:  Voight. Vogt.

Chris Kresser:  Vogt. Yeah, you want to say Voight because it’s usually an i in there, but it’s V-o-g-t, so it’s Vogt, yeah.

Diana Rodgers:  Or do we look at this more wizard tech solution? And that’s just where most people are right now.

Chris Kresser:  Yeah, that’s the dominant cultural paradigm is we’ve gone into wizardry, for sure.

Diana Rodgers:  Yeah, yes.

Chris Kresser:  No question about that. Back when Silent Spring was written, I think there was more, Vogt was more in vogue. There was a little bit more concern about the wizardry and the impact it would have. And now we are 100 percent in wizardry.

Diana Rodgers:  Yeah. And the problem is, everyone’s just sort of hoping that more rabbits will be pulled out of the hat. But we don't know for sure.

Chris Kresser:  Yeah, yeah. I highly recommend this book. This is Charles Mann, who wrote 1491 and 1493, which, if anyone has read those books about … it totally changed our view on how the New World was discovered and colonized and what was here when those people arrived. Which is much different than what was previously believed. He’s a fantastic writer and this is I think, one of the most compelling views on where we are as a society now and what our future might hold. So highly recommend it.

Getting back to the topic, I mean, that's obviously germane and relevant here, but I want to talk about a few other proposals that are being floated around here. Which are again, if you accept what we've talked about here and in other podcasts, are off base. But the meat tax. There’s been a lot of enthusiasm for this because there’s some research that, beverage tax, soda taxes have been effective in terms of reducing consumption. So this is now something that’s being seriously proposed in the EAT-Lancet. I think that’s part of the agenda of the EAT-Lancet paper and authors and reporters.

Diana Rodgers:  Yeah, and actually they released another paper just on Sunday night of this week that goes even more strongly into the meat tax. I think the goal is to make it basically impossible to eat meat moving forward. And effectively, I’ve looked at the models. There was a good paper that looked at what would happen, just kind of projected out, what might happen in this situation. And, actually, red meat consumption wouldn’t go down at all.

And it basically is just a poor tax is what this is. And when you look at, I actually took a picture. I had to run into a typical grocery store and pick something up one time, and I noticed the shopping cart of the person in front of me. And it was soda and donuts and whoopie pies and all stuff like that. But her deli meat and her bacon were actually the most nutrient-dense things in her cart.

Chris Kresser:  Yeah, so that would be encouraging even less healthy choices in people who are of limited economic means. And you mentioned this in the beginning about the private jet people who are founding this study, and you brought it up in your article. There really is a classist kind of thing that’s happening here that’s not part of the popular narrative. Because if we really wanted to reduce carbon footprint, you pointed out a meta-analysis that suggested that doing things like avoiding one round-trip transatlantic flight, more of a car-free lifestyle, having one less child in an industrialized nation would have by far bigger impact than reducing your consumption of beef.

Diana Rodgers:  Yeah. Or changing your diet in any way.

Chris Kresser:  And who’s doing a lot of round-trip transatlantic flying? People who are at a certain socioeconomic level. And so, yeah, a lot of these proposals are like, “Let me continue to live my carbon-emitting lifestyle, and then let’s introduce changes that won’t effect that but actually will impact people who are poor and in a really adverse way without really me having to change anything as a privileged person.”

Diana Rodgers:  Right, and, I mean, in order to do vegan right, you kind of do need to be a celebrity or an uber-rich person that, if there is a way to do vegan, right? But, I mean, to … there’s a lot of food prep involved, there’s a lot of time involved. There’s a lot of time spent eating.

Chris Kresser:  Yeah, chewing.

Diana Rodgers:  Chewing, right? Your typical person that maybe gets two 15-minute breaks a day is not going to be able to chew the food or have a staff that can make the cashew cream to make all the—

Chris Kresser:  Or buy the cashew cream for $9.49 for a half pint or whatever it is.

Diana’s Upcoming Docuseries, Sacred Cow

Diana Rodgers:  Right, right. I mean, this film project I’m working on, we’ve done a lot of filming in Indiana, rural Indiana. And I see what these folks have as options for stores on limited budgets and what they’re buying. And honestly, processed food, processed meats like sausages that are pre-cooked are a lot easier for them to eat and are honestly the most nutrient-dense thing that they're eating. Because they’re not doing a whole lot of scratch cooking. They don’t have a lot of time or energy at the end of the day. So when life is really hard and you’re working really hard, you don’t have the privilege to push away something nutrient-dense like meat.

Chris Kresser:  Absolutely. So let’s talk a little bit about the film. I know it's gone through a lot of iterations and there’s been some wins and some challenges. So tell me, let's start with a little bit of the idea and the inspiration behind it. Why we both feel that this is important to get out there and then maybe a little update where you’re at, what you’re needing, what would be helpful. We have a lot of folks who are listening, who I know want to be a part of this movement in some way.

And I’m often asked by people who are not necessarily in the health field, people who are not nutritionists or Functional Medicine practitioners or anything, like, “How can I help? How can I get involved? How can I use my existing skills or connections or resources to move this forward?” So let's imagine what kind of help we need or could be useful to move this forward, and who knows who’s out there listening.

Diana Rodgers:  Yeah. So, I was halfway through writing a book on this subject on the nutritional, environmental, and ethical case for meat when yet another vegan film came out about a year and a half ago. And I was like, “If this guy can make a movie, I can make a movie.” And so that’s kind of how it all started. I did a crowd funder that was pretty successful, and we got rolling. At the time, the project was called Kale versus Cow. And we started filming some of these nutrition stories. We hooked up with a doctor who has some amazing clinical trials and is doing really good work in a pretty rural part of the Midwest, conveniently corn country. But there's also farmers who are plowing in their corn and turning it back to grass.

So there’s some really great stories happening there. And some of the feedback I got from the title Kale versus Cow was that, “This sounds like another vegan film,” or, “It sounds like I’m against kale,” which as you know, I’m not against kale. But I think folks maybe that don't know me as well just had these misperceptions, and the name was a little bit of a hang-up for them. So we went back to the drawing board a little bit and changed the title to Sacred Cow, which I think works really nicely, also because there’s a double meaning of sacred cow. Because the vilification of beef is just so embedded in our system.

Chris Kresser:  Yes.

Diana Rodgers:  And, I mean, even when I was going through my graduate program in dietetics, red meat is not okay. It's just not, even though in biochem it's totally fine if you just look at it from an objective scientific perspective. And the project has also transformed from a feature film into a docuseries because we felt that it’s a more digestible way, literally, to get this information across, and there's also more that we wanted to cover that we didn't feel would fit into the narrative of one film.

And so we were now looking at a multipart docuseries still addressing mostly the nutritional, environmental, and ethical aspects of the reason why we need animals in our food system. I'm also very interested in sort of the anthropology of how meat became such a polarizing topic today and how people identify their whole being around how much meat they consume in their diet. The flexitarian, vegan, whatever.

Chris Kresser:  Yep.

Diana Rodgers:  And I still am working on the book. So, as you know, Robb is the coauthor on the book project I’m working on, and he’s the co-executive producer on the film project. But the funding has been a little bit of a challenge. I don’t know if people really get how important this is, and I think it’s one of the reasons why the Unitarian church is not funded well. Because it's, like, trying to extract money out of atheists is a hard thing.

When people are super-passionately committed and religiously committed like vegans, where it’s, like, their religion, they’ll passionately fund things. But then when people are kind of cool with everything and they’re eating meat and they’re like, “Yeah, got my health under control now. That’s great. And if the vegans don’t want to eat meat, fine, that’s more for me.” That’s really kind of the attitude I’m running into a little bit.

Chris Kresser:  Yeah people are less identified with it, which is good, in their way.

Diana Rodgers:  It’s good.

Chris Kresser:  But not as good when you’re trying to raise money for a movie like this.

Diana Rodgers:  Right, yeah.

Chris Kresser:  And I think the other part of it is, I don’t know that people really perceive the threat fully yet. It’s like you just said, they’re like, “If someone wants to be vegan, fine. No skin off my back and it’s not going to hurt me. So there’s no pressing need to fund a film about this. Because who cares if someone’s a vegan.” Well, yeah, on an individual level, you might say that. Even though we could argue that you should care if someone chooses an approach that’s in many cases likely to make them nutrient deficient.

But, yes, each person, of course, has the right to choose their own approach. And I don’t go around trying to proselytize and convert vegans to eating animal foods unless they ask me what I think they should do if they come see me as a patient. But this isn't just about individual choice here. Because, as we know, we talked about the meat tax proposition, and this is going to affect food policy. It's already affected food policy in the US and around the world which then will affect schools. And what happens at schools, which influences our children and the choices that they make.

You know, my daughter is seven and a half, and she comes home with some really interesting things that she's heard from other kids and even teachers at school. And she doesn't go to a typical school, but this is, it’s everywhere. Yeah.

Diana Rodgers:  Exactly. And there’s a lot of schools now eliminating meat for health, and I think a lot of parents are kind feeling a little worried about meat consumption. And so maybe they're thinking, “Well, at least they’re getting a healthy meal at school.” And so that's concerning to me because for a lot of kids this is the most nutrient-dense meal of their day. And to blame it on meat is just wrong. And I kept telling folks, this is coming and meat tax is coming.

And I, for a while, was feeling like maybe I’m just nuts and I’m making all this up. I don’t know. But then of course, it is really coming. The EAT-Lancet paper is here. Meat tax is being discussed. We’ve got, LA now is trying to force restaurants and LAX to provide, to tell private businesses to provide vegan entrees. We’ve got Berkeley with Meatless Mondays now at all city meetings.

Chris Kresser:  WeWork.

Diana Rodgers:  Yeah, WeWork, exactly. There’s airlines now that are eliminating red meat. And so this is coming at us from our clinicians, our universities, we’re hearing this from the World Health Organization. We’re hearing this from business, from the media. Constant films, there's more coming out this year.

I think I just sent you another one that’s on its way out that I’m pretty concerned about. Because it actually has people with MD behind their name. And nobody is pushing back and people are just taking this really lightly. And so, yeah, anything that folks can do to help me get this off the ground, I’d want to come out and feature you, Chris. And I’ve got a lot of really great experts in both the sustainability and health space that very strongly feel that red meat is important to our food system.

Chris Kresser:  Yeah. And the reality is that a film or in a docuseries can make a huge impact than even a book.

Diana Rodgers:  That you can’t do with a book. I know.

Chris Kresser:  It doesn’t work. I mean, I’ve written a 400-plus page book with all the science that you need to, I think, get clear that animal food should be part of our diet in addition to plant foods. But how many people are going to read a 400-page book? Not that many. And there’s still something about film that makes it a very viral medium. It’s more accessible, a docuseries is an increasingly popular format, as you said.

It's easier to cover the wide range of topics that you need to hit on for this, and it's a format that has been used for vegan and other types of films or media. And it’s something that’s just really easy to share with. People are more likely to sit down at night and watch an episode of this than they are to read a book.

Diana Rodgers:  Yeah, exactly. And this is pretty dense material. But if I can just show people what a healthy ecosystem looks like and how cattle raised in the right way, what that looks like compared to a 2,000-acre field of soy being grown for lab meat, I think that those are really powerful visuals.

Chris Kresser:  Absolutely, absolutely. Yeah, I agree with that a hundred percent. So if someone is listening to this and the alarm has been raised in their mind, and they’re now aware of the real risk here to our families and communities, and they want to get involved in some way, what's the best way for them to do that?

Diana Rodgers:  So I have more information, and I’m taking donations on sustainabledish.com/film. And for any better meat companies or folks that want to get involved in a bigger way, folks can just message me directly through the site. And we’re working with a few better meat companies and other large donors and foundations. But we still need to, these are expensive, and there are some inexpensive ways of making docuseries.

But in order for us to really get on the mainstream media channels like Netflix, we have to do something that's beautiful and has a high production value and isn't a $50,000 handheld camera project. And so, while the budget isn’t exorbitant, it’s certainly higher than some of the other more budget docuseries that have been coming out. And that's largely because I'm really tired of going to high schools and doing damage control when they show these vegan propaganda films. Because that's what's happening right now.

Chris Kresser:  Yeah, absolutely. And will continue to happen, as you pointed out. The momentum there is only building. So we need to, I think, step up to the plate.

Diana Rodgers:  Thank you so much.

Chris Kresser:  Thank you for doing this work, Diana. I really appreciate your advocacy and passion for this, and it shows through in everything that you do. And I hope for all of you listening that this has been up maybe a bit of a wake-up call and you have a little more perspective on what's going on behind the scenes. And even less left behind, like more out in the open now, I think, more and more. Especially with this EAT-Lancet paper, and you see that science is not objective and dispassionate in many cases, but actually quite agenda driven and that there are often interests aligned behind those agendas that may not represent your interests. Like global food companies that want to sell more of their processed and refined products.

So none of us are not impacted by this in some way. And if you have children and family members who are getting exposed to all of this material, it's really important to have a counterpoint that we can offer that is well researched and really hits on the most important issues. And people can change their mind. I mean, your story that you shared with the publisher of the China study was really revealing. To his credit, to whoever that publisher editor was, to his credit. He was able to take in that information and open his mind and give this a chance. And we both, of course, know many people that that’s happened with. I have lots of patients, lots of readers and listeners who were vegan and vegetarian at one point. I was vegan and vegetarian at one point, as everybody knows who’s listened to this show for a while.

And it was through exposure to research and information like what we’re talking about on this show and what you plan to present on the film that actually changed their minds. Because I think that may also be part of the resistance in some cases, like for raising money with this film. It’s like the idea that people are just not going to change their minds. That it’s, we can’t really make an impact. But I don’t agree with that. I think we can make a huge impact and already have, and we just need to scale it up so that it can reach more people.

Diana Rodgers:  I agree.

Chris Kresser:  So sustainabledish.com/film. We will also put some of the links to the podcast and articles that we mentioned, the critiques of EAT-Lancet, Marty Kendall’s and also yours, Diana. And then if you want that big storehouse of information I put together for the Rogan show, which has articles on nutrient density and meat and the effects of meat, and carbohydrate, macronutrients, a ton of stuff, that’s at ChrisKresser.com/Rogan. So thanks, everybody, for listening. Thank you, Diana.

Diana Rodgers:  Thank you so much for having me. I really appreciate it, Chris. And thanks for all your support ever since I first met you.

Chris Kresser:  It's my pleasure, and I hope we can, with this podcast, move things forward a little bit more quickly and get this out there. Because it really needs to be seen. So thanks, everyone, for listening and please do continue to send in your questions to ChrisKresser.com/podcastquestion. And I’ll talk to you next time.

The post RHR: What the EAT-Lancet Paper Gets Wrong, with Diana Rodgers appeared first on Chris Kresser.

Source: http://chriskresser.com February 26, 2019 at 05:55PM

[lovedeluxe92]

okay so i started working at jimmy johns in early febuary of this year. i needed a job rlly bad and money desperately, just something to keep me afloat and to afford food. what i experienced...i was not at all prepared for lmao. i was sexually harassed, verbally harassed, had my hours fucked with, had management and even the owners of the company who could give a fuck less about their employees, had to deal with my fellow coworkers AND managers being on k2 and other drugs, and the final fucking straw which was getting my tip money stolen from me OUT OF THE SAFE BY A MANAGER. i started working as a delivery driver. which was INCREDIBLY stress inducing at first bc i worked at the one right downtown. i had to deal with

i started working as a delivery driver. which was INCREDIBLY stress inducing at first bc i worked at the one right downtown. i had to deal with

traffic, pedestrians NOT LOOKING WHERE THE FUCK THEY WERE GOING DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MANY PPL I ALMOST KILLED CAUSE /THEY/ DID NOT LOOK, we have ‘parking police’ and i legit got about 15-20 tickets during my time there bc that asshole was out for blood and anytime he saw my car, even if i wasnt parked illegally (oh did i mention we had like 3 parking spots all on the street and all with a 2 hour limit (: ) or hadnt been parked in a spot for the full 2 hours. so there was that. 

see when i first started everything was fine. we had good employees who worked hard and did what they had to do. they were all stoners, but whatever i could care less about that. SO. our assistant manager, he was a mess. racist, homophobic, rude, loud. the worst. we would do dabs out in his car (yeah i know but i worked at a fucking jimmy johns) and he would just say the most questionable shit. i remember this one time he saw my phone background was a pic of me and my bf and was like ‘oh you like black guys? what’s your sex like? i bet it’s really good’ and im not gonna go into too much detail here, bc it upset me and its racist,  but he kept going and said some REALLY creepy shit i was like wtf and told him to never speak to me like that again or i would report him for sexual harassment (side note: one time he thought i did report him for sexual harassment and was like “who are you gonna buy weed from now?” LITERALLY ANYONE YOU PIECE OF SHIT.) he would always be like “DAMN THICK’ whenever i would bend over and do everything. I TOLD MY MANAGER AT THE TIME. she  didn’t do anything. AND the owners of the franchise definitely knew bc like...there’s cameras and they can hear everything we say? but no one did fucking anything. and i needed the money bad so i had to stay. of course i told him off constantly. he was white and always saying the n word. just a piece of fucking shit. 

i think the happiest day of my life was when he FINALLY got fired. my manager had to go to another city for a week and help out that jimmy johns bc i guess ALL the employees and managers did a walk out (yeah this happens at all the jimmy johns owned locally in my area i wish i was kidding) and left his inept ass in charge. it took him 5 mins to make sandwiches (FREAKY FAST hello????) he was just a poor manager. but THEN he started using k2 again. and he was a zombie. there was no point of him even being there bc like he would just go to the back of the store and just stand in front of the freezer door staring for like 10-15 mins at a time.i was a driver and didnt know how to make sandwiches yet and this bitch seriously was just standing there cracked out of his mind on k2 in FRONT of customers (and i will say our customers were SO nice at least) takking phone calls slurring his words. it was embarrassing. i rememeber i had 2 customers who had waited almost a HALF HOUR for ONE sandwich bc i was having a panic attack and losing my fucking mind trying to make their sandwiches while he was in his truck getting high and refusing to come in. one of the customers actually gave me a tip and told me i was doing great and the other one was like ‘im so sorry this is happening to you, that guy is  fucked up’. anyway, he passed out on k2 in his truck one night and got the cops called on him and got banned from the property :) i still saw him from time to time and he looked disgusting & miserable and it made me so happy. 

mostly we just had grown ass employees, fucking 30 year olds, just acting like children. always on drugs. i had one coworker pretend to slap my ass and i called him out and he was like ‘it’s a joke im not apologizing’. people would try to take deliveries from me. AND LET ME JUST SAY, not even to fucking brag even slighly but i was the best worker there my entire time there bc regardless of where im working i am giving my 100% every day and no one else there would. but ppl always tried to step over me and did not respect me. we had one coworker who had 3 felonies and one day like 4-5 cops came to our store to tell us to call the cops the next time he showed up for work (surprise surprise he fled bc they took an hour to get to the store despite the fact we were literally like not even 4 blocks from the police station) and he was always high on k2. forever late. day after day no call no show. he had his friend get hired on who would go down to subway and talk shit about subway in his uniform??? lmao and subway called us one day and was like ‘can yall not?’ he also threatened to burn down the store and then my manager (who was always on a power trip if we’re being honest) purposefully withheld his paycheck to fuck with him, because he was fucking with her, so we dealt with him WAY longer than we should have? 

then this one bitch that became manager, SOMEHOW, we were seriously always that desperate for staff and we hire anyone bc the managers are overworked af and just want to take the load off. anyway, SHE was always high on k2 as well. and she would always overshare rlly traumatic personal things from her life to me and all the customers and its like....girl we dont wanna hear that pls try and get some help. she was not currently being abused, i wanna specify. she was talking about things from her past. i sympathized with her but like im a victim of dv too lmao i dont wanna see your bruises without being asked first. and then i remember one day i left my money bag there (i kept my tips in it and had like $37 in there or something) and this bitch who was making MORE MONEY THAN ME seriously fucking went into the safe (we caught her on camera lmao) and stole that money out of my bag and left a few bills to make it seem less suspicious i guess??? lied about it to my face? then quit bc she ‘wasnt gonna sit there and be accused of something i didnt do’ like ok lmao

then to top it all off at one point my old manager just stopped giving a fuck and the store went to shit and we got complaint after complaint and she started being so rude to all of her staff, including myself (and we were like besties so i was devastated) and she cut my hours when she was submitting our work times for the checks because i would clock in early to help out....LIKE SHE ASKED? and it was just everything i said to her...her response was just the most rude and hateful voice and just....it was so rude. i cried every single day after work. she eventually got replaced and then quit 

but then this new manager, whom i loved, was very depressed and just had a lot wrong with him mentally but he was still very....drama starting and attention seeking. he would talk about suicide nonstop 24/7 and not to be callous but it just made me so uncomfortable and triggered me so much? they did overwork him and i will attest and agree to that and he had a lot on his shoulders but he couldve gone to mcdonalds literally any day and gotten a job with better hours, better pay, and better benefits. i kept telling him over and over to leave bc he had so much managerial experience he couldve been hired anywhere! all resteraunts down here are perpetually hiring, especially for managers! i would know bc i was looking for another job lmao. but he’d text me every night saying things like ‘well lets hope i drink myself to death’ ‘suicide is painless’ etc. and it was just......VERY uncomfortable for me, as someone who has attempted suicide and still struggles with ideation from time to time lmao it was just the most triggering environment ever 

like idk how i lasted that long but i worked my ass off, saved up my money, have a good paying job and im trying my best to forget this entire experience (honestly i did have some good times) but i really dont....think i can lmao 

ON A POSTIVE NOTE: we had some of the kindest and most caring customers ive ever had in my life. i was shocked. but the amount of times i had a shitty customer in my entire time there i can count on one hand lmao like....even when they were shitty they were like ‘im sorry i know yall work hard and everything’ like i miss my customers SO MUCH because we actually had relationships with them and shit and ugh god. if the customers were shitty tho i would never have kept this job lmfao 

i stayed at this job simply bc i made enough money for rent and my bills perfectly and it was one of the few jobs where i was paid an hourly wage + tips. and i wanted my next job to be a job in my field. that’s why i stuck around so long, it took some time to do that.

so yeah theres my mess i love anyone who read this and you can have my first born and be the beneficiary to my life insurance when i die

[myriadimagines]

Off Limits

Star Wars (Rogue One) One Shot

Pairing: Reader x Cassian Andor

Other Characters: Bodhi Rook, Baze Malbus, Jyn Erso, Chirrut Imwe,  K-2SO

Warnings: —

Summary: You and your husband, Cassian, maintain a very professional relationship in front of your team. So professional, in fact, poor Bodhi, who has a crush on you, doesn’t even realise the two of you are married.

Original: Sorry Bodhi, She’s Off Limits

Word Count: 2,196

A/N: ALRIGHT LETS GO IT’S THE REWRITE SERIES!!! for those of u who missed my little rant, i’m basically just going back and rewriting all my one shots bc i hate them!!! and hopefully if i rewrite them i’ll hate them a little less!!!! anyway this was one of the first pieces i wrote when i started this blog, and then it kinda blew up and i got a lot of followers/rogue one requests so honestly? this piece started it all. enjoy. 

reblog/feedback/comments are very much appreciated!!!

“You guys should’ve seen it,” Bodhi gushes, and he gestures excitedly with his hands, waving them through the air as he mimics Imperial ships, complete with his own sound effects to fully retell the story. Baze barely looks up from where he’s sitting, polishing his gun while Jyn leans back in her chair, kicking her feet up onto the table as an amused smile dances across her lips. She hums in agreement every now and then, making faces of exaggerated shock whenever Bodhi looks in her direction, more entertained by Bodhi’s enthusiasm than his actual story. Chirrut sits with them, nodding along with a bright smile on his face, eagerly listening to the young pilot’s excited ramblings, and Bodhi continues, “They were right on my tail, TIE fighters were swarming in—”

The crew looks up as the door slides open with a soft mechanic whoosh, and Bodhi practically chokes on his own words as he sees you step inside. Baze smirks, immediately looking across the table at Jyn, who returns his knowing smile. Even Chirrut can’t help but let out a quiet chuckle, and Bodhi trails off, suddenly becoming incomprehensible as he quietly stammers something. Looking around at your friends, you greet, “Hey guys, what are you talking about?”

Jyn swings her legs off the table, leaning over to give Bodhi a nudge. Barely holding back her laughter, she responds, “We were just listening to Bodhi’s harrowing story about his latest mission, weren’t we, Bodhi?”

You smile, turning to look at Bodhi with an arched brow, and Bodhi can feel his cheeks getting hot. Shaking his head, he nervously chuckles, “I… I wouldn’t say it was harrowing, it was… it was just—”

“Oh, no need to be modest.” Jyn interrupts, and Bodhi internally curses Jyn, knowing exactly what she’s doing. Waving her hand, she insists, “Come on, Bodhi, finish the story.”

Before Bodhi can try to change the subject, you’ve already sat down, leaning your elbows against the table as you wait for Bodhi to talk. His lips wobble into a smile, his heart hammering inside his chest as he can’t look away from you. And when you look at him like that, with your smile that could fuel entire solar systems, how could he possibly remain calm? 

Thankfully, the door opens again, and Bodhi lets out a relieved sigh, grateful for another distraction to stop him from having to continue his story. His relief is short lived though, as he looks up to see Cassian and K2 step inside, and Cassian’s eyes survey the scene. Bodhi gulps, shrinking in his seat as he pointedly avoids eye contact with Cassian, and he can feel the stoic captain’s gaze on him. The past few weeks have been filled with an unexplainable tension between the two, one that Bodhi can’t quite understand. He doesn’t know what he’s doing wrong, and has mentally torn apart every interaction he’s exchanged with Cassian in hopes of finding an answer. 

Bodhi sneaks up a glance at Cassian, who stares at him, lips pressed into a flat line. Bodhi can’t even decipher the expression on Cassian’s face — disappointment? Frustration? Maybe even anger? Whatever it is, Cassian looks away, turning to face you as he asks, “Are you busy?”

“Well, Bodhi was just telling us about his latest mission,” you gesture to Bodhi, who holds his breath as Cassian glances in his direction again. 

“I see.” Cassian curtly responds after a pause. Cassian takes in a deep breath, before nodding towards the door, “Can I speak to you in private, please?” 

You hesitate, studying Cassian’s faces, trying to figure out if it’s for professional or personal matters. You let out a short sigh before finally getting up from your seat, almost laughing at yourself at the fact that despite many years of being married, you still can’t quite read your husband as well as you’d like. You make your way towards the door, but not before looking over your shoulder and telling Bodhi, “Next time I see you, I better hear that story!” 

Bodhi forces out a laugh, knowing that Cassian is watching him, and he watches as Cassian trails behind you as the two of you leave. The door slides shut, and Bodhi finally feels as though he can breathe again, slumping down into his seat as he shakes his head at himself. He yelps as Jyn suddenly reaches over to punch his arm, and he exclaims, “What?”

“I can’t believe, after all this time, you refuse to ask y/n out.” Jyn scoffs, and Bodhi lets out a loud, embarrassed groan. He can’t help but feel more embarrassed as even Baze pointedly sets down his gun to join in on the conversation, him and Chirrut nodding agreement. Jyn points at the pair, noting their support, as she continues, “See? I’m not the only one who thinks so.”

The four of them are too engrossed in conversation to notice K2 jerk back upon hearing your name. Shaking his head, he raises a finger, “I don’t think tha—”

“Please stop talking about this.” Bodhi cuts K2 off, burying his face in his hands, not wanting to look up at his friends, and Jyn snorts. “This is so embarrassing.” 

“Your feelings are nothing to be ashamed of, Bodhi,” Chirrut pipes, and Jyn nods in agreement. “We can’t control who we fall in love with.”

“If I might interject—” K2 tries to speak up again, but Jyn waves her hand in front of the droid’s face, much to his annoyance. Swatting her hand away, K2 snaps, “Don’t shush me!”  

“I’m not going to ask her out,” Bodhi shakes his head, and Jyn groans as she ignores K2. “I can’t! There’s—”

“If I could just get a single word in, I think I might have something valuable to say.” K2 finally yells, raising his voice as everyone turns to look at him. Bodhi’s eyebrows furrow, and Jyn rolls her eyes.

“I doubt a droid could help with romantic advice.” she points out, and K2 stares at her, thinking of close to a hundred comebacks he could possibly respond with. 

“No, I want to hear what K2 has to say.” Bodhi says, and Jyn turns to glare at him. Bodhi pauses, before shaking his head, wincing, “Wait, actually, I don’t. You’re just going to tell me my odds are close to zero.” 

“Well, they are.” K2 deadpans, and everyone collectively groans in disappointment. K2 looks over at everyone, before continuing, “I thought you would all know the reason why, but I suppose I’m overestimating your intelligence. Do none of you actually know that y/n and Cassian are together?”

Bodhi is too much in shock to even deal with his crushing disappointment upon hearing his odds with you. He looks around the table, seeing the same shock in Jyn, Baze and Chirrut’s faces, and Jyn splutters, “What? y/n and Cassian?” 

“Yes, y/n and Cassian.” K2 impatiently confirms. “They’ve been married for almost five years now.”

“Married?” Bodhi squeaks, his head spinning. Everything slowly starts falling into place as Bodhi thinks back to all of your interactions with Cassian. And suddenly, it dawns on him, the answer that he’s been searching for. If Jyn, Chirrut, and even Baze noticed his crush on you, it most definitely would’ve been noticed by Cassian.

And Bodhi can imagine how unamused Cassian must be at the fact that another guy, who’s part of his crew, has a crush on his wife. 

Bodhi jolts up from his seat. “I need to apologise. Oh man, I… I need to find Cassian.” 

Bodhi’s brain is scrambling as he tries to figure out what to do, what to say. Jyn looks up at him in alarm, and everyone watches as Bodhi rushes for the door, swiftly exiting the room. After a pause, Jyn gets up, and K2 asks, “And where do you think you’re going?”

“Well, I don’t know about you guys,” Jyn makes her way to the door. “But I would love to see how this all goes down.”

She raises an eyebrow, and after a pause, Baze, Chirrut and K2 all get up to join her.

—

You let out a loud scoff, leaning up against the table as you turn to face Cassian. Folding your arms across your chest, you ask, “Is this why you brought me in here? I thought it was something important.” 

Cassian blinks at you, clearly offended. “This is important.”

“That Bodhi has a crush on me? Which is wrong, by the way,” you point an accusatory finger at Cassian, who resists the urge to roll his eyes. Laughing, you insist, “We’re just friends!”

“That’s how you see it.” Cassian points out, and your hand falls to your side. Your eyebrows furrow as you notice your husband getting increasingly worked up, and he continues, “Do you not see the way he acts around you? He—”

“Hey, hey,” you reach out to grab Cassian’s hands, pulling you towards him, and Cassian takes a deep breath, composing himself. He relaxes at your touch, and you guide his hands around your waist before looping your arms around his neck. Gently smiling at him, you reassure him, “There’s no need to be jealous. Whatever Bodhi’s feelings are, so be it. But I love you, and only you, and that’s all that matters.” 

Cassian nods a small smile appearing on his face as he presses his forehead against yours. You can’t help but giggle as your noses touch, and he leans in to kiss you, hands roaming under the hem of your shirt as you pull him closer, running your hands through his hair. And in the moment, everything feels perfect and blissful, finally having some privacy together in the midst of your hectic day.

Until the door hisses open, and you hear someone utter a startled curse.

You and Cassian jump apart, and you quickly adjust your clothes before realising Bodhi is standing in the doorway, face red as he stares between you and Cassian, mouth parted but no words coming out. You and Cassian’s faces grow hot from being caught, and Bodhi cringes at himself as he feels as though he’s making one wrong move after the other.

Finally, Cassian clears his throat, “What do you want, Bodhi?”

“It’s, uh, nothing,” Bodhi stammers, barely able to form sentences. Trying to back out of the room, he continues, “I… I didn’t mean to interrupt, we- we can just talk later—”

“Here he is.” Jyn’s voice announces her presence before she appears, and she practically slams into Bodhi as he tries to run out the door. She stumbles back into Baze and Chirrut, who bump into K2, who doesn’t budge, and everyone quickly regains their balance upon noticing you and Cassian inside the room. 

“Well, seeing as you brought the whole crew with you, you might as well just say what you want to say.” Cassian grumbles, and Bodhi’s expression crumples. He attempts to square his shoulders, turning to face Cassian fully, but not before sneaking a glance over at you.

“I’m so sorry about everything. I had no idea you and y/n were together.” Bodhi finally blurts, the words coming out so fast you and Cassian can barely process what he’s saying. Bodhi holds his breath, studying Cassian’s expression, and the two of you exchange a glance before Cassian lets out a heavy sigh.

“I appreciate the apology, Bodhi. I know you didn’t mean any harm.” Cassian relaxes, his expression softening. Bodhi lets out a sigh of relief, and Cassian holds his hand out to you. You take it, giving it a squeeze, and Cassian shoots Bodhi a stern look before adding, “But, just so we’re clear, y/n is off limits.” 

“Understood. Off limits, absolutely.” Bodhi nods, flustered, and you flash him a small smile. 

Cassian looks past Bodhi to the rest of the crew. Raising an eyebrow, he sarcastically asks, “Did anyone else come to confess anything?”

After a moment of silence, Jyn pipes up, “Well, I just wanted to say that I think you and y/n make a lovely couple. You’re made for each other, honestly.”

“Okay, out.” Cassian shakes his head, ushering everyone back out of the room as you can’t help  but laugh. After managing to clear the room, you tilt your head with a knowing smile as you watch Cassian make sure to lock the door on the keypad. He turns, making his way back over to you as he says, “Hopefully there won’t be any more interruptions.”

“I like the sound of that.” you tease, grabbing the collar of Cassian’s jacket to pull him closer. He pushes you back against the desk, hands resting on your hips as you lean forward, closing the distance between your faces to gently kiss him. “I guess you were right about Bodhi, then.”

“I’m always right.” Cassian responds as he kisses you back, and he grins as you playfully try to shove him away. Feigning innocence, he asks, “What?” 

“Don’t push it.” you warn him, barely holding back a laugh, and Cassian chuckles before leaning forward to kiss you again, his smile radiant against your own.

tag list: @proudchocolateaddict​ / @myfriendmagislit​ / @dragon4123​ / @fire--pheonix​ / @gofandomsandotherstuff​ / @natalia-helena-alianova-romanov / @fairytalesforever​ / @emmacata​ / @hauntedpocdreamer / @fangirlsarah16​ / @adaleya​ / @floup-doodles​ / @batfam16​ / @tonystarkshomeoflostkiddos​ / @lotsoffandomrecs​ / @ruvaakke​ / @911buttercup​ / @azeret-mirror​ / @randomfandomimagine​ / @lotrfics​ / @locke-writes​ / @lovinghufflepuffgirl​ / @lxncelot​ / @captainshazamerica​​ / @ta-ka-shi-ma​​

[naturessmilesreviews-blog]

Nature's Smile Review

Natures Smile

Listed here's 8 of the best conducting natural solutions for receding gums and periodontal disease. Use them all in combination and efficiently treat, turn around as well as cure those receding gums permanently!

Receding gums is exactly what takes place when the gum tissue neighboring the teeth erodes. This "receding" causes the lower part of the tooth to become much more obvious leading to "spaces" to establish between the tooth and gum line. These spaces enable poisons, germs, infections and also fungis to grow and prosper in these locations, which after that ruins the cells and also bone construct. Gradually, this triggers teeth to become loosened and also eventually befall.

Since gum disease and also gum recession (receding gums) is an incredibly sluggish and progressive incident, most people suffering from this complication do not truly notice what's happening till their teeth begin to become overly vulnerable. The 3 popular symptoms from receding gums are ...

· Tooth sensitivity

· Teeth beginning to appear larger than normal

· Pain or tooth pains

Correcting swollen and also receding gums as well as getting those pearly whites well-balanced once again is most definitely of vital importance. Once teeth become drop and also befall, that is actually after that too late. Fortunately you COULD reverse receding gums and also periodontal disease without devoting a lot of money on grandiose dental operations (which don't deal with the rooting complication in any case).

So listed here is actually the top 8 natural and also natural home remedy for reversing receding gums as well as boosting teeth. For finest outcomes, ensure to utilize all 8 in combination with one another - or at least-- incorporate as many of all of them as you can. Additionally be aware that this will certainly take a minimum required from 12-18 months to entirely turn around the method. It is actually had many years for this trouble to create so that is actually mosting likely to spend some time to repair that. Patience will be called for ...

Natural Remedy for Receding Gums # 1: Oil Pulling ...

This is actually the primary remedy made use of in ayurvedic medicine for stopping as well as turning around receding gums as well as functions a reward. Oil pulling is actually an incredibly strong technique to get rid of the unsafe toxins, microbes and cavity enducing plaque buildup that induce gum disease and also dental cavity. The oil also assists to take out damaging metals coming from the mouth and lymphatic system, so that has a double whammy impact.

There are actually ONLY 2 types of oil that ought to ever before be actually made use of for oil taking ... natural sesame oil or all natural pure coconut oil. Do not make use of commercial refined oils of any kind of kind! These hazardous as well as putrid oils are actually exceptionally unsafe to your health and also do not operate in any case. And also don't forget, each oils should be actually natural (crucial).

Natures Smile Reviews

Just what is actually great concerning oil taking is this is actually easy to do as well as does not occupy any sort of extra time. Just position a tablespoon from either from these oils in your mouth as well as swish that around for 20 moments prior to ejecting (do not swallow the oil). Initial thing in the morning as quickly as you rise on a vacant belly is actually the absolute most helpful time to do this. And you can continue with your regular morning routine (showering, etc) at the same time so it doesn't disturb anything. About the only factor you can not do is actually communicate (extremely difficult to do with a mouth full of oil). When you eject the oil after your 20 moments of swishing you'll likewise observe its own turned a white color. This is completely normal. Oh, and do not spit it out in the sink either. The oil can easily congest drains pipes therefore do away with that in the yard rather. Make sure you comb your teeth with a natural toothpaste afterword.

For the best possible end results, make sure to perform oil pulling every early morning first thing after awakening.

Natural Remedy for Receding Gums # 2: Vitamin C.

Most individuals are actually unaware that vitamin C is in fact some of the absolute most essential nutrients for healthy gums as well as teeth. It's crucial for collagen manufacturing - the protein "glue" that keeps mobiles together. Vitamin C is actually also one of the best bacterial deadlies, anti-inflammatory and recuperation nutrients there is, which is actually why it functions therefore effectively for turning around receding gums (along with addressing puffy, bleeding gums and also tooth level of sensitivity). Additionally, vitamin C has actually even been classified "the invisible toothbrush" since it's thus helpful at removing cavity enducing plaque as well as tartar develop off teeth and gums.

To make use of vitamin C the right way, there is actually a few traits you must do ...

Firstly, make certain you obtain the appropriate type of vitamin C! The majority of vitamin C supplements on the marketplace are acid forms, which actually damage your teeth. Nonetheless, calcium ascorbate is actually not acidic consequently this is actually excellent for teeth and gums (that also consists of calcium for healthy teeth). The most effective method to take/use calcium mineral ascorbate for receding gums is each internally and also topically as an insert.

For inner usage, have about 1000 milligrams's from calcium mineral ascorbate particle (combined in water or even a shake) 3 times daily. The Vitamin C Foundation encourages 3000 mg's from vitamin C each day so be sure you receive this quantity. To make use of topically, area around 1/2 a teaspoon of the grain on the gum areas and also leave on for 10-15 mins prior to rinsing. Do this when to two times regular for ideal outcomes. The ascorbic acid does possess a little bit of a metallic flavor, yet that's quite manageable. And also it does not hurting either, even on really aching or left open gums.

Natural Cure for Receding Gums # 3: Calcium and Magnesium ...

Both calcium and also magnesium mineral are needed for optimum teeth and also gum health. Magnesium remains in truth much more significant for oral health in comparison to calcium mineral since magnesium forms the difficult enamel in teeth that avoids decay. Magnesium mineral is actually likewise at the top from the anti-inflammatory mark, meaning that is actually the top anti-inflammatory nutrient in the world. Obviously, receding gums and also periodontal disease reason irritation so magnesium mineral is actually especially vital for handling as well as healing this issue.

Natures Smile Review

The down side is actually that along with our modern-day farming techniques, most of the calcium as well as magnesium has been actually filtrated off our dirts and is actually no longer in our foods. Thus supplements is needed. The most ideal method to carry out this is actually by consuming reefs calcium. Coral reef calcium mineral contains calcium and magnesium in the ideal proportion (50:1) for maximum absorption. The largest issue along with calcium and magnesium mineral is they are very improperly absorbed by body system. However along with reefs calcium the calcium and also magnesium are actually very all natural and ionized, so the physical body manages to acknowledge and also absorb them. Coral calcium mineral additionally consists of around 70 various other crucial trace element that our physical bodies need to have every day for health and also endurance. That's likewise intriguing to keep in mind that the greatest individuals of coral reefs calcium mineral, the Okinawa's in Japan, regularly reside over the grow older from 100 and several actually perish still in possession from all their teeth!

Natural Remedy for Receding Gums # 4: Vitamin D as well as Vitamin K2 ...

Vitamin D is just one of the typical nutrients your physical body MUST have every day, yet this's especially vital and participates in an essential role in the advertising of healthy and balanced gums, teeth as well as bones. Without adequate vitamin D the teeth may certainly not stay fastened effectively to the bones, therefore eventually they come to be loose and fall out. Vitamin D is additionally a sturdy anti-inflammatory as well as is actually definitely among the very best nutrients readily available for lessening the pain, swelling and inflamationing connected with gum disease.

So ensure you receive 20-30 moments from uninterrupted sun exposure every day, or even rather, take a top quality vitamin D3 supplement with included K2 (for absorption). Inning accordance with vitamin D pros including Dr Cedric Garland, you require between 4000 and 8000 IU's from vitamin D per day thus be sure you're in this assortment (6000 IU's would certainly be actually the excellent). Just about anything less will not suffice. 2

Home Remedy for Receding Gums # 5: Good Fats ...

Healthy fats are also necessary for gum and also teeth health. A current research discovered that individuals which obtained much higher amounts of the omega-3's DHA and EPA were actually 30% less very likely to struggle with gum disease.3 This creates best sense when you think about that well-balanced excess fats including omega-3's are actually strong anti-inflammatories as well as the main root cause of receding gums and puffy gums is swelling. This is actually another reason oil pulling is actually so effective for receding gums and also gingivitis. So this is actually crucial you eat lots of healthy excess fats every day off foods items such as all natural coconut oil, avocados, olives, fish oil or even fermented cod liver oil (the very best). You can never have excessive of these excellent fats either so go almonds with all of them!

Natural Cure for Receding Gums # 6: Matcha Green Tea

Eco-friendly herbal tea contains some extremely strong anti-oxidants that are actually recognized to help battle gum disease and also lessen swelling. A Japanese research study released by American Dental Association located that folks that consume eco-friendly tea daily possess healthier teeth as well as gums compared to those which don't.4 Matcha green herbal tea is actually the best effective of them all and consists of 137 opportunities even more anti-oxidants in comparison to usual made environment-friendly tea. Matcha environment-friendly tea is actually likewise rich with all the crucial nutrients required for healthy and balanced teeth as well as gums!