#the first days can be like hell PFFFTT

[caramello-styles]

📅🧼 (mwah! have a good day)

MY DANI LOVIE THANK YOU FOR SENDING SOME 😘

📅A song that calls up a very specific time and place for you:

• billie eilish’s first album: it came out in 2019 when I was doing a two-week mapping project out of town, I listened to it everyday from the moment I stepped on the train till I went back home

• it was early 2021 when we were finally allowed to meet outside so I met up with my closest circle from uni and one of them just got new earphones so I asked to try it and ofc I chose harry’s song 😀 she asked me what I listened to and I told her ‘yknow just watermelon sugar.’ and she was like ‘oh isn’t that a song by zayn?’ ADHAJOA THE SIDE EYE I GAVE HER 😭🤣 I WAS SHOCKED she won’t hear the end of it so yeah it became our internal jokes lol

• this is more like a song that I need to listen to on my drive, it came out in 2021 when I started intensively drive everywhere whether with my family or closest friends to the point they also know every word of this song HAHAH I feel so proud 😌 until this day the song is still included on my playlist 🫶🏼

🧼What I sing in the shower:

• I don’t sing in the shower 😅😂 but you could probably hear me randomly humming lmao

[gojoshooter]

hey pretty, I was wondering how jjk characters would handle naughty kids?? tell me bout it!

wOAh that sounds interesting 🤔 here you go anon ♡

Dealing with the Brats: JJK men

Featuring : Yuji Itadori, Megumi Fushiguro, Gojo Satoru, Toji Fushiguro

A/N : at this point my curse technique gotta be writing fluff bahaha anyway enjoy! ^-^ i wrote this with love

WARNINGS : babies, crying

Itadori Yuji :

yuji doesn’t exactly love taking care of children but he volunteered babysitting neighbours’ kids for money

usually kids like him & not really bother until one of them turns out to be the spawn of satan

okay not that he gets his ass handed by them but he can’t bring himself to scold or even be stern??

he knows he has the advantage with all those muscles & speed but that’s the reason

if he sees a kid climbing a potentially dangerous place he would just gently peel them off each time lol

it doesn’t come as a surprise that Yuji is good at distracting the restless ones or the crybabies

he has mastered that art

him impersonating different pokémons with his whole body is the cutest shit, & kids love it so much

if a child annoys the fuck outta him he’ll prolly scramble around googling tips

him holding like three kids in one arm as he pays you for the icecream with his other because they can't be trusted unattended

maybe you developed a small crush after watching that adorable scene

Megumi Fushiguro :

you might have convinced him with a good repay cus he’s never doing that in his right mind

megumi’s not actually that bad with kids as much as he thinks & things go smoothly (until)

the kids ask him to take one of the divine dogs out for fun & he won’t budge

"what makes you think i’d do something like that" >:0

if the kid turns out to be brattier than he initially thought & is about to cry he’d panic maybe contemplate to run

but he would settle for calling Itadori & ask what to do because "he’s good at cooking, might be good at handling kids"

i think Yuji’d just come over with a silly cute trick to rescue like bringing the two little curses he used on Junpie siksijisfjlk

we know Megumi would lowkey love him for that

IMAGINE HIM MAKING FUNNY FACES TO STOP THE CRYING SNOTTY KID

he’s trying don’t laugh

he can definitely be a little ferm when they don’t listen

megumi wouldn’t say it but he prefers you besides him for a hand in handling them

Gojo Satoru :

good luck to the kids who volunteered to handle this brat

he annoyingly gets along with them too easily

i think he can handle the naughty dwarfs the best?? he has all the tools necessary in his arsenal

first of all he won’t use his abilities unless it’s a really naughty kid like a nasty kid, a menace

he would turn on his infinity so he can deal with them efficiently without the kid resisting him

hey hey in his defence—the naughtier the kid, the naughtier the method

he’s far better in indulging the children than any other care taker you hired, with his sweet but ferm tone that made kids putty in his watch

hide & seeks are fun and hell with him at the same time because kids don't know he can teleport....

"come on, who’s going to be my good little baby today?~ get in line for a kiss~"

has so much advantage with that height, kids know they can’t outsmart him and run around

if there’s this really really naughty one that snapped his last straw he’d just start intimidating them and it’d be the funniest shit

like tracks the kid with his big but slow steps staring down with crystal eyes borring into the little one as they try to run away pffftt

teen gojo was meaner by the way

"tsk... stop crying or i'm taking all the treats your mommy left, you nuisance"

turning on his infinity for the whole day in the name of babysitting

Toji Fushiguro :

ultimate Brat Tamer™

he doesn’t think he fits any job dealing with kids but anything for money i guess

toji has kids at home so atleast he knows to be as gentle as a feather

his first impression on kids always entertains him

like they’d see him walk in & he watches the kids go pleading their moms trying to convince they can be 'good boys' or 'good girls' without a babysitter

you know toji is bit of an evil man so he loves ordering the kids around

"kid, bring me a glass of water?" knowing full well that dwarf of a child can’t reach the counter but the poor kid toddles, staggering a little on short legs to the kitchen anyway

puts them on his stomach as he decides to turn on the tv, securing the sides with his big arms & that’s the way you handle a child thank you

has learnt a few magic tricks and a smile may sneak up on his scarred lips when the toddler gasps in aw

toji doesn’t hesitate to be stern (he has the dilf rights) so kids don’t risk to bother him in the first place

he doesn’t know why but they love his embrace??? some brat said it’s cus his boobs are comfy but that didn’t light any bulb in his noggin

sees the kid hide a handful of toffies behind them and he’s like "cut it out, kid. you don’ want your teeth all rotten, do ya? hand them like a man.." (💀💀💀)

A/N : a’ighttt wrapping it up! i hope you enjoyed this, until next time! —♡

Tags : @luckimoon @maybekoya @nanamikentoseyebags @already-rice @already-rice

[enthblaze]

How would Giovanni react if Tiger Claw turned into a small Tiger tot due to messing with magic?

this is so fun omg

Giovanni instantly mother-hens the hell out of the poor child. It's like the Leo-Van twin instinct, as older siblings

He coos over him and picks him up and cradles the kid as if said child wasn't actively trying to bite him. They'll work on that, pffftt totally

He brings the kid home to the Lair, which causes a lot of uproar, but "C'mon guys, what threat is a baby tiger?"

...A lot, apparently

The kid is a hazard and a half and has the Hamatos on their toes all day long. He knocks things over and chews on cables and rips up anything in his line of vision

Splinter is in disapproval of the whole thing. But even he, especially as a Father, isn't immune to the child's puppy eyes

He lets Tiger Claw stay, only until they find out how to turn him back, and also appoints Giovanni as his guardian

No biggie, Van's been a big brother all his life. And besides, "Now I get to be the mentor now!"

Van, while outgoing and reckless as a big brother who wants to break the rules, is impossibly caring and probably as overbearing as Splinter

He asks Donnie to salvage children's books from the junkyard to read to him. He brings out old toys for TC to play with, and lets the tot sleep on his plastron when night comes

He's constantly keeping tabs on the child and tends to him every second of the day, as he's been told (He would've done it anyway. He doesn't trust anyone else)

And since they're stuck in the Lair until further notice, that also means being stuck with his brothers

His brothers, who do not like Tiger Claw

While Van knows his family wouldn't harm a child, he doesn't know if that applies to a child that had once been their enemy

So he becomes protective. If Mikey wants to play with TC, Van has to be there. If Donnie wants to run tests, Van has to be there etc etc

After a while, they warm up to Tiger Claw, but it doesn't stop Van from tensing up each time Leo picks him up so they can watch Space Heroes, or when Raph brings him to his room to show him his action figures

He doesn't like how his family is a risk

But then, a solution is found and TC returns, and he doesn't have to worry anymore. Unfortunately, TC retains vivid memories of the event that took place

Giovanni, as much as he's like Leo in serious aspects, and such behaviour had shone through during his time parenting tiny Tiger Claw, he's also a little shit

He's actually insufferable sometimes, it's a miracle Tiger Claw kept him around in the first place. So when his mentor and guardian was suddenly a tiny cub at his feet, mewling and looking at him with wide, confused eyes...Giovanni couldn't resist

Now that he's back, Van drops the act and teases TC relentlessly, retelling his favourite moments and showing him all the embarrassing photos he managed to capture

TC bans Van from speaking of this

And while Van laughs now, he can't deny that he quite enjoyed being the one in charge for once. And it's then that he realises that he cares for Tiger Claw more than he believed himself to know

And one question stands out among them all: Did Tiger Claw care this much about him too?

[sirloozelite]

SLE’s Star Wars Hunger Games: Season 5 - Swtor Edition: Episode 2 - STOP DYING ALREADY!

Welp... me thinks its time for episode 2 of this insanity. I’m sure it can’t be nearly as bad as episode 1 was right?

...right!?  0_0

Night falls on the first day. But what sort of night will it be?

Well... Theron and Rusk appear to be getting along. That’s good.

Kind of a mixed bag here. Good for Khem, Lana, Vik and Baras. Bad night for Andronikos. You’ve not even been in there a day dude!

0_0 Betrayal in Team Trooper! I repeat! Betrayal in Team Trooper! R.I.P Aric Jorgan.

Oh god! What happened to poor Zenith?!

Team members of Team Bounty Hunter aren’t having a great night. And who gave 4X food? He can’t even eat!

0_0

Garza... treating an imperial? What the hell? Vette... wise move. Harkun... being kind? This is a dream right? I’m dreaming right now!

Good for Torian!

I... what?! Seriously? Four of you team up to kill Saresh of all people?! R.I.P Chancellor Saresh I guess? Sorry @rangerslayer-97​ looks like you lost your first champion... not that you mind too much I’d imagine considering who it is. XD

Jaesa is having a bad night it seems.

Ashara showing mercy. That’s the Jedi in her.

... welp R.I.P Broonmark.

Oh thank god that bloodbath of a night is over! Day 2... please be kinder!

Pffftt... ouch!

Poor Blizz? And wow Koth! Nice one!

OH COME ON!!!! R.I.P Mako.

Ha! Nice one Corso! Though you might regret letting him live.

For the love of... I guess Ashara’s inner Sith came out in the company of Lana! R.I.P Eckard Lokin.

Team Inquisitor is getting some help it seems. I guess their Master must want them to win bad!

STOP DYING EVERYONE!!! THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE SET TO LOW DEATH MODE!!! R.I.P Vector Hyllus. Bad way to go. And by Guss’ hands of all people!

That’s it... episode ends here before anything else bad can happen. Man we lost a lot today. Stats screen time!

10 people are already dead! What the hell is happening here! I guess the Swtor companions really don’t like each other. Till episode 3... which is hopefully a bit more peaceful!

[wiltingpierrot]

Gem Glow: Part 1

Welcome! Well, this isn’t really made to entertain. I’m just doing this to recover from trauma and get a good grasp of the show’s lore while having my girls react with me. Feel free to tag along.

We’ll be watching four episodes a day and react only to the major events as tackling all of them is a toughie.

 Sharpie: “I want to see real tears, Wilt.”

Wilt: “Tears? At the very first episode?”

Sharpie: “Yes. Otherwise I’ll make you cry by some other means.”

Wilt: “I have these tear marks. Those count, yes?”

Sharpie: “Real tears, I said.”

Wilt: “Ahh, how iconic.”

Spinel: “The area around the lighthouse is lacking a lot of flowers. That’ll change someday!”

Sharpie: “Yes, after a lot of blood, ink and tears had been shed first.”

Spinel: “Here we have a shot of the show’s hero, lamenting the discontinuation of a certain ice cream snack brand.”

Sharpie: “Is this triggering your PTSD yet?”

Wilt: “Not really. I thought it would but surprisingly I’m still okay.”

Lars: “Well, if you miss your wimpy ice cream so much, why don’t you make some with your MAGIC BELLY BUTTON?”

Spinel: “Hey Sharpie, let’s make foodstuff with just the energy in our gem.”

Sharpie: “And you still owe me 86 years’ worth of happiness.”

Wilt: “What is this civil conversation you’re having? That’s not how I wrote you two.”

Sadie: “Uhh Steven? Do you want to take the freezer with you?”

Spinel: “Think what would’ve happened if Sadie didn’t let him take that freezer home.”

Sharpie: “Does… does the cat’s face looked different to you?”

Spinel: “I love the lighthouse. The view up the top is always so breathtaking.”

Sharpie: “I’m not so happy with our roommate though.”

Wilt: “…I might have to draw this someday.”

Spinel: “Don’t you just love it when your pets greet you as you enter your house? I wish you would greet me whenever I fall asleep.”

Sharpie: “You’re just my nightmare.”

Amethyst: “’Sup, Steven.”

Spinel: “AME!!!!”

Spinel: “I AM IN LOVE.”

Sharpie: “You can stop replaying this 5 seconds worth of Pearl now.”

Spinel: “It’s 4 seconds worth of Pearl, you heathen.”

Spinel: “HOOO MAMA. Remember when Garnet kicked our ass?”

Sharpie: “She kicked your ass. She kicked your ass so much I had to start a switch to intervene. Now that I think of it, I shouldn’t have done that.”

Sharpie: “Being sliced open is one thing. Being pulled apart is another.”

Spinel: “It’s good that we’re stretchy.”

Sharpie: “I can disable that function and tear you apart like that, actually. Ever wondered why it doesn’t hurt when others pull at you like taffy but I can?”

Spinel: “I can do the same and prevent you from escaping my hugs.”

Sharpie: “*sigh*… I hate you.”

Spinel: “Ahaha! Pearl is so cute!”

Sharpie: “Ahaha! I love this technique.”

Wilt: “It’s good for breaking a hole through walls in maximum security prisons, yeah.”

Amethyst: “Uhh you guys, these things don’t have gems.”

Garnet: “That means there must be a mother somewhere nearby.”

Sharpie: “That’s a fascinating thought.”

Wilt: “It’s similar to how Pearl can project figures that can maintain itself while independent of the source. In this case, the main centipeedle can project independent but smaller versions of itself.”

Sharpie: “How come 2nd Projections aren’t like that, I wonder. Like we can’t have separate bodies or anything…”

Wilt: “Probably because the 2nd Projection has a personality of its own and it stems from the original gem, while Pearl Projections and mini-centipeedles are pre-programmed projections that would act accordingly to the original’s commands. Like, if Spinel makes a projection separate from her, it wouldn’t be you.”

Sharpie: “Fair enough.”

Spinel: “Speaking of Pearl Projections…”

Sharpie: “No.”

Pearl: “Steven, until you learned to control the powers in your gem, we’ll take care of protecting humanity. Okay?”

Spinel: “I want Pearl to snap my neck like that.”

Sharpie: “As if impaling you wasn’t enough.”

Spinel: “PFFFTT-“

Amethyst: “We went out and stole a bunch!”

Spinel: “That’s my Ame.”

Pearl: “I went back and paid for that.”

Sharpie: “That’s…. that’s very Pearl of her.”

Steven: “He left his family behind!”

Spinel: “AHAHAHAHAHA”

Sharpie: “What’s so funny about that?”

Sharpie: “Oh my stars. I hope we don’t have to bear another one of those.”

Wilt: “It’s catchy. I like it.”

Sharpie: “What a happy little family. It’s a shame that they’re doomed to a life of madness onwards.”

Amethyst: “Quick! Try and summon your weapon!”

“Awww, no weapon.”

Wilt: “He’s struggling. A sign of a well-rounded character. The progress is dramatic if we compare this episode to the last ones. And it only took him a few Earth years.”

Sharpie: “And it took us like what, 86 years to get this far and we’re still inferior to most we meet in our travels.”

Spinel: “God I love Pearl.”

Sharpie: “Can you even pay attention to anything that isn’t Pearl?”

Spinel: “I’m capable of paying attention to a lot of things and to nothing at the same time, Sharpie. Be amazed.”

Steven: “Can one of you just explain how to summon a weapon?”

Pearl: “Oh! I’ll go first.”

Wilt: “I love Pearl.”

Spinel: “I love Pearl.”

Sharpie: “…”

Spinel: “AUUGH! Pearl is so beautiful.”

Wilt: “This is so anime.”

Spinel: “This scene makes me wanna stand underneath a cherry blossom tree with her in a Friday afternoon and confess my love.”

Sharpie: “God both of you disgust me.”

Pearl: “Pay attention to these petals, Steven.”

Pearl: “The petal’s dance seems improvised, but it is being calculated in real-time based on the physical properties of this planet.”

Wilt: “HELL YEAH, I LOVE PEARL.”

Pearl: “With hard work and dedication, you can master the magical properties of your gem, and perform your own dance.”

Pearl: “Like so.”

Spinel: “HELL YEAH, I LOVE PEARL”

Sharpie: “So… Pearl’s approach is tuning into the technical reality of the universe to tap into her gem’s energy,”

Amethyst: “Listen Steven. All that practice stuff is no fun. Whenever I need to summon my weapon, it just happens.”

Sharpie: “And Amethyst’s approach is just winging it. Considering Ame is a gem made for war, of course summoning a weapon is natural instinct. Pearl however… She had to learn serious fighting, something most Pearls aren’t made for.”

Spinel: “We’re the same, ain’t we? Spinels ain’t made for violence but we can whoop butt just fine.”

Sharpie: “We just got lucky… and incredibly unfortunate at the same time.”

Sharpie: “Gems are such nuisances. So much that in other places of the world, a group of humans actually built little Distortion Bombs capable of disorienting corrupted gems to a point of repelling them away. Unfortunately those things are powered by tiny bits of gem shards, which is obviously not an easily obtainable source of power. The project was discontinued.”

Spinel: “The invention worked on us, too, which is kind of impressive!”

Sharpie: “The best those little bombs done to us were to irritate us, or temporarily disable our senses. Corrupted gems have warped sentience I think, so they would rely more on instincts and run away from the source of irritation as much as possible.”

Sharpie: “They say if enough energy is given into the device, it’ll have high enough amplitude to potentially dissipate a gem’s physical form. But this is just a fever dream. There’s no way they have access to that amount of energy without slaughtering a Diamond first. Still, props to the engineer who thought that was a good idea.”

Spinel: “So instead of using gem shards, he decided to use us by writing the function into Springy. If we poof, we can give bad gems nearby a head ache and make them go away. We can protect people even if we die in battle! He basically turned us into heroic suicide bombers against corrupted gems.”

Sharpie: “Necessary, considering every time we poof we somehow cause part of a building to catch on fire, killing the people we’re supposed to protect in the process.”

Spinel: “Uh huh… yeaaahh….. I mean, where else is the excess energy supposed to go?”

Sharpie: “I dunno. Some other harmless form of energy apart from heat? The sparkly dust clouds were already perfect and you just had to change it into something deadlier. Thanks to you, seven people that stood close to us turned into soup.”

Spinel: “Well, there was that one time where the fire storm actually saved us from a meanie who wanted to crush us. We can’t just ignore that.”

Sharpie: “Seven people died, Spinel. Seven people that happened to be our allies.”

 Wilt: “Please stop. We have to finish this episode.”

Steven: “So I’m supposed to work really hard and not try at all at the same time?”

Garnet: “Yes.”

Garnet: “Or…”

Garnet: “You can link your mind with the energy of all existing matter, channeling the collective power of the universe through your gem.”

Garnet: “At least that’s my way of doing it.

Spinel: “C’mon, kiddo. It’s not that hard to understand. It’s how Springy lived for the past 40 years. If she can do it, so can you.”

Sharpie: “I bet this makes the most sense to you, huh Wilt?”

Wilt: “It does. Considering we are all just ripples of energy on the surface of the large lasagna we call the observable universe.”

Sharpie: “What a nerd. Also we’re half-way through the episode. You better cry, Wilt.”

Wilt: “I’m saving this shot for reference.”

[cynergy-laughter]

Obey Me! One Master to Abridge Them All! Ep. 4

4. For the Record, T-Pose to Assert Your Pact

It was just a normal, second day for MC... until...

Asmo: PPFFFFTTTBWAAAHAHAHAHA! *gasp* AAAAAAHHAHAHAHAHA!

Satan: Asmo, can you not laugh so loudly this early in the morning?

Asmo: B-Buhut... Mammon... got tricked... into entering a pact! And with none other than Enn!

Satan: Pffftt!

Asmo: Boy, you think it’s funny too, don’t even try to hide it!

Beel: Mmm, these cockatrice breasts are so crispy, every bite gives me a wonderful crunch.

MC: Is no one gonna tell him that he’s also eating the plate?

Asmo: Don’t tell him, it’s more entertaining that way. But look at you, not even a day in the Devildom and you already snagged a pact with a moron, I bet you feel like a ruler, don’t you, Enn~?

MC: No, I feel exhausted. The whole time after we made the pact, he kept on texting me, and it was basically, “Just so we’re clear, I did it for my credit card. She’s my one true love, you better not come in between us.”

Satan: Ugh, the way he talks about that thing.

Asmo: I wouldn’t be surprised if he imagines making love to it. Gross...

Levi: Imagine? He absolutely does. Headcanon accepted.

Asmo: What does that even mean, Levi...?

————

Asmo: Anywho, Enn, who would you wanna make a pact with next?

MC: ... You want my honest answer?

Asmo:

Satan:

Levi:

Beel: *munching*

MC: I thought not, I wanna pact with Asmo. *flutters eyes*

Asmo: Haha, I mean who wouldn’t? But I wouldn’t with you because I have no intention in entering one with you.

MC: Oh neither do I, I just wanted to see the look on your face when I chucked the Grenade. I checked RAD’s last yearbook, I wanna pact Astaroth. He can get it.

Asmo: *jaw drops to the floor*

Satan & Levi: *snort and bit their lip*

Beel: *eating* Can someone pass me the Poison Oak Maple syrup? I wanna try adding sweet to this savory.

*interview*

Asmo: Enn thinks they’re so funny. Have they even met Astaroth?! Cause he used to be my ex. He is the absolute worst... I may miss him, but I don’t really... and plus what is Enn doing, having sights for my ex?!

MC: I’ll admit, Astaroth is pretty intimidating, but he’s seems cool. Especially for a mid-rank demon. For the record, I just said Astaroth to get under Asmo’s skin... and based on his reaction, I think I just made a pimple start forming on his forehead.

————

Asmo: PSSH PAH PIH PFFTT W-Whatever! He’s not even that hot anyway.

Satan: You sounds like you still caught feelings.

Asmo: Shut up, you sound just as moronic as that poor excuse for a demon Mammo-! *head gets slammed into his bowl of cereal* ACK! MY FACE! What the hell Mammon?!

Mammon: Shouldn’t have been talking smack, Asmo. Don’t forget, I’m still your older brother.

MC: Good morning Mammon.

Mammon: Go to heaven, Enn.

MC: Would have been funnier if you meant heavenn.

Mammon: Whatever, point is, I got my card back from Lucifer. Mammon one, Lucifer nothing, like it should be. Think he’s so smart to put my card in the freezer, he’s such a dad.

Lucifer: *appears behind him, holding a leather belt loop, and he snaps it loudly*

Mammon: ... AAAAAIIIEEEEEEEEE!!!

———— Later ————

MC: *walking down the stairs with Mammon* You ever think that maybe you should practice what you preach?

Mammon: *sniffling, rubbing his butt* “yOu EvEr ThInK tHaT mAyBe YoU sHoUlD pRaCtIcE wHaT yOu PrEaCh?!” S-Shut up, human... preaching ain’t gonna do nothing.

MC: First of all... wow. And second... Enn... my name is Enn.

Mammon: I don’t care, human! I’ll call you whatever I’ll feel like calling you. You’d better watch your back, because if a lesser demon decides to make you his meal, I won’t be there to save you, cause I couldn’t care less! Now out of my way! *goes to stomp down the stairs, bumping MC out of the way*

MC: ... Mammon stay! *voice pulsates through Mammon, making him stand up straight and not move!*

Mammon: A-Ah! What the- I can’t move... You better hope I don’t get out of this huma-... hummm... hu... NB. No! Huuu-better work, everybody give it up for the supremely talented host with the post, dropping lines since birth, life and debuting in the Devildom, give it up for MC NB! *makes air horn noises*

MC: *smiles* That’s better. Next time, just respect my wishes and call me by my name. Now, Mammon, let’s get to class.

————

*walks into class*

MC: With as many demons dancing in this place, you would think that this is was High School Musical: Another Story.

Demon1: Hey, it’s that human who slapped us.

Demon2: I wouldn’t mess with them, I heard Mammon forged a pact with them... imagine what he could do to us, if the human is ballsy enough to slap us...

???: Well, it seems rumors do spread faster than a glorious opening speech. You really have made quite a celebrity out of yourself.

MC: Sebastian from Black Butler?

Diavolo: Easy Barbatos, no need to be shady, I say these rumors are good, it means eyes will be on them at all times, so no one can really truly make a move.

Lucifer: Especially since Mammon is absolute garbage at looking after them.

MC: And a good morning to you all too, Mr. President, Mr. Vice President, and Mr. Chief Secretary. Nice to see you talking about me like I’m not here.

Diavolo: I wanted to congratulate you on such a big accomplishment, and it’s only been your second day. I knew that I chose the right person for the program.

MC: Well, it’s not like a had a choice in the matter, but thank you, Lord Diavolo. And who is this?

Barbatos: I’m Lord Diavolo’s steward, Barbatos. Apologies for not introducing myself immediately.

MC: It’s okay, it’s nice to meet you.

Lucifer: Barbatos is a very smart and powerful demon of many talents. I just wish I could have him as my brother instead of Mammon.

MC: I mean, people tend to keep their talents deep within them, I’m sure it’s the same for Mammon.

Barbatos: I believe there’s a saying in the human world about that, a true wiseman doesn’t flaunt his talents, he keeps them secret.

Lucifer: That may be so, but he, is to put it lightly, an incompetent fool.

MC: Well... looking at all the idiots that make up my world’s population, Mammon is pretty tame and intelligent...

*interview*

MC: Seriously, I used to work retail, someone asked me for Pampers Pull-Ups while I was stocking the baby aisle... lemme say it again, the person asked for Pampers Pull-Ups. That’s the same energy as someone asking for Burger King’s Big Mac. It doesn’t exist. There are Huggies Pull-Ups, and Pampers Easy-Ups, if you are looking specifically for Pampers Pull-Ups, you don’t deserve the right to teach children right from wrong.

————

Diavolo: I also heard that the most stubborn and headstrong child is the cutest.

Lucifer: Diavolo, he is my younger brother, not my child. I think I would have a lot more gray hairs and as Asmo would say a few more lines in my forehead. Stop it.

???1: So you don’t deny that he’s cute. Though the winner of the most stubborn award would most undoubtedly go to you.

???2: And for the record, that’s not a compliment, it’s an insult.

Lucifer: Simeon, can you please tell your little chiweenie to not yip so loudly this early in the school day?

???2: I am NOT A CHIWEENIE!

Diavolo: Enn, these are the two students from the Celestial Realm, in other words, angels. This is Simeon, and his canine companion Luke.

Luke: Diavolo, do not feed into this! I am an angel, not a canine of any sort!

MC: *going over to Simeon fast* Oh thank the heavens, finally some angelic melanin. *shaking Simeon’s hand* it’s so nice to meet you, I’m already a stan, I mean a fan.

Simeon: *chuckles* It’s to meet you Enn, congratulations on your accomplishment, I hope we make friends of each other yet.

Barbatos: We should get going, the first bell is about to sound.

MC: B-But... I wanna hang out with Simeon some more...

Diavolo: All in good time, Enn. I’m glad you’re doing well here on your second day here. Have a good school day.

Lucifer: Even though it should be the other way around... look after Mammon for me, Enn? I thank you.

Simeon: I’ll see you later, Enn.

————

Luke: *stays behind* ...

MC:

Luke:

MC:

Luke:

MC: Can I help you?

Luke: Don’t ever trust a demon, especially not Lucifer.

MC: ... Where I live and grow up, you learn to not really trust anyone, but thanks for the advice, Lassie.

Luke: ARGH! Not you too! *storms off*

[talesfromthesnogbox]

Stuck Here With you

Rating: M (Rating for explicit conversations about sex) 

Words: 3,586

Summary: Richie and Eddie are stuck quarantining themselves together... what could possibly go wrong? OR based on this tweet: "@cjkasulke: APPARENTLY you have all just been *waiting* for this moment to confess your love to your roommates, so many of you live with people you have been silently in love with for y e a r s"

Notes: This is so stupid. Yes, I wrote a quarantine fic. Yes, this whole thing is a serious matter and I am an adult who's working from home and it all sucks, and there are people dying all over the world, and I do care, but I just thought people needed a little bit of a laugh, ya know? Anyways, this is wildly out of character and not good in general, but drop a comment if you like it, or if you think I'm a horrible person, whateves.

AO3

*~*~*~*~*

Richie woke from his catnap with a startled jump as he heard the front door slam shut.

“Jesus Eds, is it 6:30 already? Did I sleep all day?” He asked with a laugh.

“No asshole, it’s noon.” Eddie slammed his briefcase on the breakfast bar and worked his tie open. “This pandemic bullshit has gotten out of control.”

“Is that why you’re home right now…”

“Yes! Jared that fucking lunatic went off and brought some girl home last weekend and now he’s got a fever, so we were all sent home, and I’m stuck in isolation.”

Eddie was pissed, but Richie could see through his thinly veiled layer of anger; there was fear.

“Oh. Do you hang around Jared a lot at work?”

He sighed. “No, no I don’t, but it’s just a precaution until he can get tested properly.”

“That’s good then, right?”

It was good. After seven full days, Eddie finally emerged from his room with a cheery smile. “Jared’s in the clear, turns out he just picked up some STD, and I get to go back into work tomorrow.” He plopped down on the couch.

“That’s great Eds, but I hate to break it to you…” Richie pointed towards the TV where the headline read “California officially shut down”.

The first few days felt like any weekend would. They had extra groceries delivered, they binged some true crime documentary on Netflix, they had a group Skype session with the Losers, they did pretty much anything that took their minds off the current situation. But then the fifth day hit.

It was only 7am when Richie dragged himself out of bed for a coffee. Sure it was early, and he had nowhere to be, but time meant nothing anymore.

Usually Richie’s clamoring about the kitchen woke Eddie up. The first few nights that Eddie moved in after Derry were rough; turns out, Eddie was a pretty light sleeper, and Richie was loud. But today, there was no Eddie in sight.

He continued on his way, pouring himself a bowl of cereal when he saw it through the window to his backyard… and promptly spilled milk all over the counter.

On the bright side, Richie had found Eddie. The only downfall was he’d found him in a pair of tiny running shorts and a tank top doing squats on his deck.

“Fuck!” Richie swore, grabbing a tea towel to clean up the mess he’d made.

“Richie?” Eddie stopped his squats and ran into the house. “What the fuck happened dickwad?”

“N-nothing, nothing happened, it’s just early and I lost my grip.”

Eddie rolled his eyes.

“So um… what’s happening in the backyard there, Jillian Michaels?” Richie giggled.

“Fuck off. I usually go to the gym before work, but now that the gym’s closed, I had to improvise.”

“Ahh, I see, trying to pick up the new future Mrs. K with…” with thighs I want to wear as earmuffs and that tight ass? He was glad there was an entire counter between them to hide the fact that he was currently at half-mast.

Eddie gave him a strange look and shook his head. “Shut the fuck up. I’m a divorced 40-year-old living with his best friend, I don’t think I’m going to be picking someone up that easily at the gym. Besides, Santa Monica women aren’t really my type…”

“Oh? Well when this is all over, I know a few places we can go pick up chicks. West Hollywood, Beverly Hills, hell even Studio City. Name your type Eds, we’ll find her.”

“Aren’t you gay? How do you know so much about picking up women?”

“Closet case my boy.” Richie winked and took a bite of his cereal. “I’m as good of an actor as I am a comedian.”

“No wonder there were never any articles about how much of a playboy you were then.” Eddie said straight-faced, walking back out to finish his work out.

“Eds gets off a good one!”

*~*~*~*~*

After that eventful morning, Richie tried his hardest to stay in bed until after Eddie’s morning routine was done. One almost-embarrassing situation in his pants was enough to last a lifetime around his best friend of however-many years, he did not need it to escalate from there.

As the days passed on, the two of them found ways to entertain themselves. Eddie took to reading on the deck in the mild April weather, and Richie decided to pick up his guitar again for the first time in years.

He was a little rusty, but after a few hours of practice, it was like riding a bike, and before he knew it, he was back playing the tune he’d spent hours playing as a teenager.

Richie hummed along to the tune of “Eddie My Love” as his fingers formed the familiar chords with ease. He didn’t even realize Eddie walking in from the backyard, a stunned look on his face.

“Rich?” He jumped, startled at the sound of the other man.

“Hey Eds, sorry was I being loud?”

“N-no.” He shook his head. “I didn’t know you played.”

Richie chuckled. “Yeah, I picked it up in high school after Went agreed to teach me a bit. I was in a band in college, but we kinda sucked.”

Eddie scoffed. “You don’t suck, that tune is lovely. What is it?”

Richie’s face felt hot all the sudden. “Uhh, I can’t really remember the name, just something I used to play a bunch. It’s an oldie my mom really liked.”

“Can you teach me?”

His eyes widened. “Y-yeah, here, come sit.” He moved more away from the body and more towards the neck of his acoustic, allowing Eddie to sit nestled between his folded legs. “Okay, um so you hold it like this, and your fingers go here.” Richie curled Eddie’s fingers around the neck of the guitar, placing them in the correct spots on the frets. “So we start with a G chord.” His other arm snaked around Eddie’s shoulder to show him how to strum the chord.

Eddie shivered, completely engulfed by his best friend, noticing for the first time how much he loved his arms being wrapped around him like this.

“Then we move to an E minor.” Richie shifted Eddie’s fingers again and strummed. “Then A minor, and up to D.”

Eddie moved his fingers, pliant beneath Richie’s big hand. His heart beat fast, and he could feel Richie’s breath warm on his shoulder as he played.

For a moment, Eddie could convince himself that Richie felt the same way about him, but only for a moment. They were best friends, and just because Richie was gay, it didn’t mean he was interested in Eddie, no matter how hard he wished that he was. He would never have Richie, but he’d always have this moment.

*~*~*~*~*

“Alright, that’s it. We’re getting drunk.” Richie pulled out a rather large bottle of vodka and a few other spirits. “I’m mixing you up a quarantini.”

“A what now?”

“Quarantini, Eds. We’re getting shitfaced.”

Eddie rolled his eyes. “Rich, there’s no way in hell I’d—” he paused. Maybe this was the perfect way to come on to Richie. Lowered inhibitions were a great excuse to do something potentially stupid, and if it all went sour, he could blame it on the alcohol. “You know what, fuck it. Mix me a quarantini.”

“That’s the spirit!” He mixed the drinks and dragged Eddie over to the couch. “Alright, we’re indulging tonight. I want not a peep from you. I never got to do any of this gay shit before, and now is the perfect excuse to start a new series. We’re watching RuPaul’s Drag Race.”

Eddie nodded his head. “Drag racing, okay cool, I like cars.”

Richie burst out laughing. “No asshole, drag race… like drag queens.” He popped on a random season and hit play.

Four episodes and many quarantinis later, both Eddie and Richie were yelling at the TV.

“How could they send April home, she’s like the hottest one there!” Eddie put his hands up.

“Right? Look at how hot he is ugh I just wanna…” Eddie glanced over at Richie with a smirk. “Shut up.”

“No, no, I see it.” He pulled out his phone, April’s instagram profile already loaded. “The scruff is driving me mental.”

Richie chuckled. “Eds, that sounds kinda gay.”

“Yeah, no shit Sherlock.” Eddie said, face heating up. “Um, surprise?”

“Oh… shit dude, yeah, um, congratulations. Thanks for telling me.” Richie brought his friend into a tight hug, the alcohol running through his system making him feel a little light headed.

“Thanks for being cool about it.” Eddie mumbled, pulling away a bit, but still resting within Richie’s grasp.

“Hey man, I get it… I’m a closet case too.” He laughed.

The two were silent for a moment, content in each other’s grasp, until Eddie couldn’t handle the silence anymore. “Come on, next episode. I hope Laganja gets booted, I can’t stand her.”

Many episodes and quarantinis later, Eddie was fully shitfaced.

“Come on, bedtime for Eds.”

Eddie giggled. “Yeah Rich, take me to bed.” He waggled his eyebrows in a way that made Richie’s heart stutter.

“Alright, alright, that’s enough from you.” Richie deposited Eddie onto the bed, helping him with his shirt, when Eddie pulled him down hard.

“Oops, sorry Rich.” He giggled. “’s not my fault, you’re trying to get me out of my clothessss.”

“You’re wearing jeans, I can’t let you go to bed in jeans Eddie. What kind of asshole wears jeans in quarantine.” Richie giggles, undoing Eddie’s zip and pulling his jeans down his hairless legs. Fuck, his legs are amazing. “Eds, do you wax?” Richie giggled, rubbing a hand up his thigh.

“Pffftt, we’re in isolation shithead, I haven’t been to my wax girl in weeks.”

A jubilant laugh bubbled from Richie’s chest. “Shit, I’ve learned more about you tonight than I have in all the years I’ve known you. You really are a twunk.”

“A what now?”

Richie planted himself down on the bed beside Eddie. “Twunk, hunky twink.”

A look of realization dawned on Eddie. “Ohhhh, that makes a lot of sense. The dude at the checkout told me I was a twunk when I went to buy those underwear without the butt.”

Richie’s brain went blank. “Eddie, do you wear thongs?”

“No asshole, the other thing without the butt. Jock something, I can’t remember.”

“A jockstrap? Eddie are you trying to kill me right now?”

“Shut the fuck up asshole! They’re good for working out in. And they don’t give me lines in my nice suit pants.” Richie was speechless. “So if I’m a twunk, what are you?”

“I—I—I think it’s time for bed.”

“Oh.” Eddie said sounding dejected. “O-or we could just hang out?”

Richie was at an impasse. He knew they were walking a thin line right now, and he shouldn’t stay, but he wanted to see where this would take him, he didn’t want to leave Eddie’s side.

“I think I could hang out for a bit.”

Their “hanging out” didn’t last very long. Within ten minutes, the two men were out cold.

Richie woke up first the next morning and left the soundly sleeping Eddie to go make a pot of coffee. His head was pounding, and as much as he knew the bright sunlight was going to burn his eyes, the fresh air couldn’t hurt.

He’d never been more thankful for his manager who also happened to be a fantastic decorator. The outdoor couch may have seemed stupid to him when he first bought the place, but at times like this, it was a great choice. He could relax, and look out towards the ocean, and forget everything that happened the night before.

That is until Eddie decided to join him.

Richie’s breath left his lungs once he got a good look at his friend. It was like a blast from the past seeing him in a pair of tiny red running shorts, much like those he wore when he was a kid, but now… now they were so much more. Richie’s mouth watered when his eyes caught a good look at how Eddie’s ass filled out the shorts. A large tank top donned his torso, one that Richie had been gifted, and definitely not been too comfortable wearing himself judging by how low cut the arm holes were. He looked hot, not that he wasn’t always attracted to Eddie, but this felt like something had changed, a sexual awakening of sorts, and Richie would never look at his friend the same way.

“Fuck, I don’t think I’ve ever been so hungover.” Eddie complained as he sat beside Richie. “That stupid drink went down like water.”

“Yeah man I hear you, I feel like shit.”

“I had fun though, it’s been a long time since I’ve had that much fun.”

Richie looked over to him. “No regrets about spilling your guts then?”

Eddie winced. “Okay, maybe you didn’t have to hear about what kind of underwear I prefer.”

Richie burst out laughing. “No, I definitely appreciated that tidbit of information, Eds. I’m proud that my twunk theory was right.”

“Fuck you.”

“Fuck me yourself you coward.” Richie mumbled to himself.

“Sorry, what was that?”

“N-nothing.” He said, darting inside. “Going to work on my new show, I’ll see you in a bit.”

Richie had to get out of there. Last night was a lot, sure, but something felt different today. Seeing Eddie in his boxer briefs felt almost safer than whatever the hell he was wearing today. It’s almost like… almost like he’d purposely dressed up for Richie, and it was killing him. He didn’t know how much more he could take before he combusted.

Unfortunately for Richie, this new look seemed to be Eddie’s new uniform. Richie could tell that now Eddie was out to him, he felt more comfortable being himself, but Richie hated every second of it.

He dreaded seeing Eddie in the morning, dreaded knowing what fresh hell lay beyond his bedroom door in the form of a 5’9 firey bundle of sex personified.

Nearly a month into their quarantine, it was finally warm enough for Richie to sit out by the pool. He donned the brightest swim trunks he could find and rubbed his pale skin down with sunscreen, soaking up some vitamin D.

He’d been out there for just under an hour when he heard (and felt) a splash from the pool where Eddie jumped in.

“Okay, I take back everything bad I ever said about you having a pool when the ocean is right there. The pool is definitely more relaxing than the beach.”

Richie giggled. “I told you, asshole.”

“Oh, and I totally figured out what you are now. If I’m a twunk, you’re an otter.”

“A what now?” Richie removed his sunglasses and moved to sit on the edge of the pool.

“An otter.” Eddie rested his elbows on Richie’s thighs as his calves framed his torso. “At least that’s what I think. It’s like a softer bear. You’re not quite as big and not enough hair to be a bear, and you’re still too thin to be a cub, so you’re an otter.”

“I understood exactly none of what you said except for ‘bear’. I met a bear on Grindr just before Derry that made me realize I like being the bigger body in bed.” Richie winked saucily.

“So you’re a top then Trashmouth?”

Richie’s brows rose into his hairline. “I—I—we are not talking about this right now, not when you’re this close to my dick.”

“Oh come on, you used to talk about your dick all the time.”

“Yeah, I was a closeted kid who’s balls hadn’t dropped yet, obviously I wanted to come off as heterosexual as I could.”

Eddie laughed. “Okay, good point.”

The two sat in the same position for a few minutes, exchanging no words between them. It felt intimate, it felt like Eddie was flirting with him, but he’d never been good at picking up signs. Could Eddie want this too?

“I am though.” He said quietly, finally breaking the silence.

“You’re what?”

Richie’s heart thudded in his chest. “A top, I guess. I don’t mind bottoming, I like it, but I guess I just…”

Eddie grinned. “You like being in charge?”

“No, fuck no.” Richie laughed.

“Really? Huh, okay.” Eddie nodded, mostly to himself.

“Hey, what the fuck does that mean?”

“Nothing, nothing at all Tozier.” Eddie pushed off of Richie’s legs and floated on his back towards the inflatable lounger.

*~*~*~*~*

The week that followed was agonizing. All Eddie wore was those stupid shorts and a variation of t-shirt/tank-top/fucking crop top, and it was driving Richie mental. He felt like a teenager again, he’d never had so many hard-ons in one week in his life.

It was only a matter of time before Richie snapped.

Richie was descending the stairs from his room one fateful morning and groaned rather loudly when he saw what was waiting for him.

The shorts seemed shorter, tighter on his ass (damn all those squats he does) and his already short shirt seemed to rise up, showing the lovely dimples on his lower back as he reached for a bowl from a high shelf.

“Hey Rich, can you help me… what’s wrong?”

He huffed out a laugh. “What’s wrong? Are you fucking kidding me?”

“Wh—did I do something?”

Richie stared at Eddie in disbelief. “Did you… did you do someth—the shorts man, what’s with the shorts!”

“The shorts? I always wear the shorts.”

“I fucking know you always wear the shorts, that’s the problem!” Richie’s stomach rolled. He thought he was going to throw up, he’d never been this candid about his feelings in his life.

“You have a problem with the way I dress? Fuck you, dude.”

“Fuck me yourself you coward!”

Both men fell silent. The tension could be cut with a knife, it was so thick between them.

“Richie?”

“Fuck man, I’m sorry I freaked out on you like that, I just don’t know if I can take this anymore. We’ve been cooped up for a month and I swear I’ve done more jacking off in the last month than I ever did as a teenager.” As good as it felt to spill his guts, he definitely thought he was going to pass out any second.

“I—I don’t…”

“The worst part is, it’s not even just that I’m horny. It’s you! Shit man, I’ve been dreaming of you since we were fucking teenagers. And now… now here you are looking like a goddamn… a goddamn what’s the word… a goddamn snack, telling me shit about the sexy underwear you buy, and asking me if I’m a top. Eddie, I don’t know if you’re flirting with me or not, but Jesus fucking Christ, it’s taking every single fiber of my willpower to not rip your clothes off right now.”

Eddie held back a smile. “Wait, I’m sorry, what? You couldn’t tell I was flirting with you? Are you fucking blind? Actually don’t answer that, I know you’re fucking blind.”

Richie was sure he was gonna get a nosebleed any second. “S-so you were flirting with me?”

Eddie laughed out loud. “Yes you idiot! Literally since the moment I got here, I have been flirting with you. You didn’t get the hint that I have feelings for you?”

“What the fuck, no man! Like you said, I’m fucking blind. I thought you were straight until a few weeks ago!”

Eddie moved to lean against the island, closer to Richie. “You dumbass, I tried so hard the night I came out to you, why do you think I told you about what fucking underwear I wear?”

“I don’t know man, I’m not good at this shit.”

“Clearly!”

Richie cast his eyes down. “S-so, so you really like me?”

Eddie reached for his hand and interlaced their fingers. He pulled Richie closer to him, so he was pinned between Richie and the island. “I love you, dickwad.”

Richie huffed out a laugh. “I love you too.” He blinked rapidly, looking up towards the light. “Oh god, why am I crying.”

“Get over here you big baby.” Eddie detangled his fingers from Richie’s and brought his hand up to the other man’s cheek, bringing him in for a kiss. It was sweet, it was chaste, it was everything Richie wanted from Eddie when they were younger.

But he wasn’t a teenager, and he wanted more.

He dove forward, tongue clashing with Eddie’s. It was hot, it was toe curling good. He snaked his other hand down Eddie’s side, curling around his hip and moving to squeeze his ass. Eddie groaned and ground himself into Richie’s thigh.

“Fuck.” Richie said pulling away. “Fuck, how are you so hot? We’re fucking forty man.”

“Me? Dude, look at you. Your arms… your chest…” Eddie snaked his hand under Richie’s shirt, scratching at the smattering of hair on his pecs.

“Jesus man, I’m not gonna last… fuck… bedroom?”

“Bedroom.”

*~*~*~*~*

The two men finally emerged from Richie’s bedroom for dinner later on with kiss bruised lips and satisfaction plastered on their faces.

“Anything good on?” Eddie asked as Richie turned on the TV. “Rich?”

Richie laughed. “You better come see this.”

“QUARANTINE LIFTED” The headline read as news anchors happily recounted the fall in new cases, and the rise in recoveries.

“You’re fucking joking.”

[gaamagirl565]

Matters of the heart S2 Ep 5

Matters of the heart Season 2 Episode 5

Something in the shadow {OPENING CREDITS} {Open to Isaiah walking in main Corona up to the castle where two guards stand} Isaiah: Hey guys! Pete and Stan right? {they both look at each other then back at him} Pete: Yes? Isaiah: umm...Nothing I was just saying hi. Stan: hi. Isaiah:... alright then... awkward… {Isaiah walks in but overhears them talking} Pete: poor kid… Stan: you heard about the stuff that's been happening to him? Pete: it's hard not to...  violent outbursts,  people say that he just looks like the embodiment of pure anger whenever he gets like that. Stan:  yeah…

{Isaiah has magic crackle around him for a split second} Stan: ah!  did you see that!? tell me you saw it! {Isaiah runs down the hall in a sprint} Stan: ... do you think he heard me? {Pete smacks the back of his head; cut to the royal gardens where Lily is reading} Lily:  what a lovely day... everything's just so peaceful. I have longed for a day like this. Isaiah: Hi Lily! Lily: AH!... and the peace is gone… Isaiah:  sorry...  didn't mean to scare you. Lily:  no it's fine. you're always welcome at the castle. {Isaiah smiles sadly and looks away} Lily:  Isaiah? is something wrong? Isaiah:  am I... Lily I want you to be completely honest with me… {Lily sits next to him on a bench and holds his hand} Lily: always… Isaiah:  do you think I'm becoming... evil? Lily:  what makes you think that!? Isaiah:  these powers are getting harder to control.  it's terrible.  every once in a while... I completely lose control of my own body and something else takes over. I don't know what it is but it makes me do awful things. just yesterday I lost control and destroyed the baker's bread cart!  and I don't mean just destroyed I demolished this thing! Lily:  Isaiah... evil doesn't worry about doing good.  the fact that you are afraid of being this way means that you're a good person. we just have to find an outlet for you. or some way to control this whenever it happens. Isaiah: Yeah I guess… Lily: Do you know when they tend to happen? Isaiah: they're completely random I could have one right now. Lily: hmmm...There has to be something that's triggering it. And we’re going to figure it out! Come on! Isaiah: Whoa! {Lily pulls him along off screen; cut to the edge of the forest where Noremoth is watching old Corona with a telescope; Zapada is hanging laundry and a small boom is seen in which Varian stumbles out the house in a puff of smoke; Zapada giggles and walks over to him; Varian sheepishly smiles; Noremoth sighs and puts down the telescope} Catalina: You know... I find it easier to make friends if I'm actually talking to the person rather than spying on them. Noremoth: GREAT MOTHER OF THE SUN! Do you get enjoyment out of doing that to people!? Kiera: she might not...But I do… {Noremoth puts his hand on his sword} Catalina: *growls* Noremoth: EEK! Kiera: Yeah I wouldn't try it buddy... you don't want to see her when she's angry. Noremoth: *puts his hands up*  alright... you got me. so what now?  going to kill me? Kiera: no...too messy… Catalina:  we'd like your name... and what you're doing here. Noremoth:  how about a trade? you put your swords down and I tell you my name Kiera:  fair enough... spit it out Noremoth: I’m Noremoth.  I'm out here on a scouting mission nothing more. Catalina:  kind of weird for a scout to be so heavily armed. Noremoth:  kind of weird to find a lovely lady in a forest of all places. Catalina:  maybe I like the forest. Noremoth:  maybe I like your spunk. Kiera:  hey! okay, focus! we’re kind of in the middle of a fight here! Noremoth: Look like I said I'm on a simple scouting mission nothing more.  I'll be here for another few hours and then I'll leave the territory. and if it would make you ladies feel any better I'll even hand over my weapons. Deal? Kiera:  who are you working for?  if who you're working for isn't a threat to Corona then we'll leave you be.  and you better tell the truth. if we find out you're lying let's just say you won't want to be on the receiving end of Catalina's fangs. Noremoth:........ I’m doing work for a woman out to the north…She's paying me to scout out Corona. probably interested in the landscape.  and as an explanation for my weapons,  as a scout, you meet many dangers. Such as two armed lovely young women. Kiera: ugh Catalina: *smirk* Kiera:....fine... but if you give us any reason to suspect you of anything… Noremoth:   I will do no such thing...you have my word. {Cut to the marketplace} Isaiah: Lily what are we doing here? Lily:  like I said before,  the magic that surging through has to be triggered by something. even if it's random something has to start the spark right? same with a fire! Isaiah: I mean... I guess but... Lily:  just walk with me... Isaiah: okay… {They start walking down the road; it seems normal at first but people start to turn and look} Villager 1: isn't that the Royal Engineers boy? Villager 2:  yes it is!  what's Princess Lily doing with him? Villager 1:  well didn’t queen Rapunzel mingle with the common folk when she was a princess? Baker: yes at least she knew when people were dangerous. {Isaiah stops} Lily: Isaiah? Villager 1:  dangerous? how do you mean? Baker:  that boy blew up my bread cart not too long ago.  it's like nothing I've ever seen before. {Isaiah has magic crackle around him} Villager 2:  well I have been hearing rumors about him from old Corona... something about violent outbursts. Villager 1:  wasn’t the Royal engineer considered dangerous at one point? I mean from what I remember... didn't he attack the princess at one point? {the magic gets harder to control and the ground under Isaiah begins to crack} Lily:  Isaiah can you hear? are you okay? Baker:  maybe it's just in their family’s blood to be dangerous… {Isaiah jolts his head up and has pink and green eyes; he stomps his foot and breaks the cobblestone under his feet before running away} Lily: Isaiah wait!! {Lily looks over to the crowd of people} Lily: Well I hope you’re all happy! {she runs after him; cut to the edge of the forest Noremoth is looking over old Corona and writing in a journal} Noremoth:...So many happy families here…. Corona the happiest place on earth... pffftt not… {Catalina swings down out of the tree} Catalina: oh really? Noremoth: AHHH!.... Are you just hell-bent on giving me a heart attack!? Catalina: Maybe… what you got against Corona? Noremoth:   it's none of your business…. Catalina:  Corona is my business. now, what do you have against it? Noremoth:... I used to live here. Catalina:  really? why’d you leave? Noremoth:.... bad memories I'd rather not talk about it. Catalina:  then at least answer me this one question. Noremoth: my God you never go away!  Fine! one question. Catalina: if you hate Corona so much why did you agree to scout it out for someone? Noremoth: Because it's my job. I was told to do it so I'm doing it. Catalina:  couldn’t you just tell them that you don't want to do it and take your business somewhere else? Noremoth: ...it's not like she’d listen to me… Catalina: from the way you're talking about this person it sounds like you've worked together a lot. Noremoth:  so what if we have? Catalina:  you would think she'd respect your opinion more.  I remember when I was younger I was afraid to speak my opinion on certain matters. But after a certain event in my life, I learned that it's important to say what's bothering you.  if people truly respect you they’ll listen. Noremoth:....... Catalina:  how long are you here by the way? Noremoth:  my mission is one week-long... Catalina: You should come by the treehouse sometime... have a hot meal. Noremoth:... that would be grand. {cut to the royal garden} Lily: Isaiah? Isaiah where are you? Isaiah: I’m over here… Lily: where? {Lily walks into the bushes} Isaiah: AUGH! Lily: Isaiah!? Isaiah: You're standing on me! Lily: What!? {She steps off of him and he jumps up to breathe} Lily: why were you laying down in the bushes? Isaiah:  I was hiding from people of society. Lily: Isaiah I'm sorry that happened... I had no idea that people were going to be so rude. Isaiah:  I don't blame you... I'm just sick of everything always going wrong. Lily:  I did come up with a bit of a... hypothesis if you will. Isaiah: you're sounding like my dad. Lily:  I noticed your magic started surging when people started talking bad about you.  maybe it's connected to your emotions? Isaiah:  now that you say it... maybe. Lily:  I also noticed you looked like you were in a lot of pain. does it hurt? Isaiah:  it gives me a headache…. especially since I'm trying to hold it back… Lily:  hold it back? Isaiah:  Yeah.  I saw what this did to miss Cass. I don't want it to do that to me. Lily:  your outbursts are only getting more violent don't you think it might be because you're holding back? Isaiah:.... Explain. Lily:  what if you holding back this power only makes it build up until it can't hold back anymore creating a giant explosion of magic. Isaiah:  I never really thought about that. so what just let it go? Lily: if only for a few minutes.  I saw what the magic did her too. it seems like it's only able to take hold for a few minutes at a time it doesn't look stable.  maybe just for a few minutes let it run its course?  Maybe it won't hurt so much then. Isaiah:.... I don't want to hurt you. Lily:   Look we're in the Royal Gardens right now.  if you do it here there's tons of guards inside.  I want you to know I'm right here for you and this is probably the safest place for you to do it.  no prying eyes.

Isaiah:.... alright... I'll do it Lily:  if it makes you feel any better I'll go hide somewhere Isaiah:  go behind the stone wall. that way if anything goes flying you'll be protected.

       {Lily runs behind the stone wall And Isaiah walks to the center of the garden} Lily:  okay... I'm ready when you are! Isaiah:  alright…. { Isaiah takes a deep breath and closes his eyes} Isaiah:... please work. {he starts thinking about the negative things that have happened to him within the past years;  pink magic starts crackling around him} Lily: Remember just take a deep breath and Let It Go! {Isaiah’s breathing quickens and he starts shaking as his canine teeth grow to fangs and his eyes turn pink and green} Isaiah: L-lily! I..I don’t… Lily: it's okay, ‘saiah!  I'm right here I'm not going anywhere okay? {Isaiah screams as he lets it take hold and he falls to his knees} Lily:...I-Isaiah? Isaiah: *chuckles* Lily: huh? Isaiah:  finally... the pain finally stopped... I find it hilarious that giving into the very thing I was trying to fight would bring about such clarity. Lily: What are you talking about? Isaiah are you okay? Isaiah:  am I okay? AM I OKAY!?  how Noble of the princess to care about the common Folk... as if you actually care.  All you rich folks care about is your title and how you look!  perhaps I should Rectify that. Lily: you're not Isaiah you're something else… Isaiah:  just think about it princess.  my life has been doomed from the start.  I was born to a duchess and a royal engineer.  I'm said Royal engineer had previously committed a crime known as treason.  a crime that is not so easily forgiven.  and on top of that I almost killed people myself...hehehe... the marketplace remember? all those months ago.  what does it matter if I go absolutely mad now? I bet half of the Kingdom would have expected it… Lily:  you're not Isaiah!  Isaiah is sweet kind and caring!  he would sooner die than betray his kingdom!  I know that to be a fact. Isaiah:  then you don't really know me now do you, princess?  all this Kingdom has ever done for me is cause me pain... maybe I should cause it some pain in return!  I could start with their princess… Lily: W-what?  Isaiah would never hurt me! Isaiah:  oh really? Do you really think I would never hold some sort of resentment for the person that's going to sit on the throne of the Kingdom that despises me? Lily:  you know for a fact that isn't my fault and I don't despise you. I...like you...Like...really like you… Isaiah: you know they say the biggest lies are often the sweetest. {He walks closer to her} Lily: Isaiah...Please... {Lily hugs him tightly; he goes to reach for her neck but then the magic fades;  Isaiah Falls to the ground but Lily catches him} Isaiah:  what happened?.... what hit me?...Lily? are you okay? {Lily cries into his chest} Isaiah:  Lily!?  what did I..? I didn't hurt you did I? Lily: no... but I never want to see you like that again… Isaiah:..I... I'm sorry… {He holds her as she cries} {END CREDITS}

[ravn-87]

📖: 1 fictional character you’d love to bring to life 💤: weirdest dream you’ve ever had 🔁: favorite tradition 🏆: things you collect, why 🎧: song that describes your best friend(s) 🏖: favorite vacation destination

Pffftt *shouts over shoulder while swirlin' a drink*

HEY! TURTLE FAM! HOW DO WE ANSWER THAT??!?

@southernblossoms @darksaphire2002 @angelicdavinci @imthegreenfairy88 @waterstar2016 @midnightrebel669 @hollybunch95 @aurora-the-kunoichi @ai-kizu-rp @caroaimezoe @neattea-tmnt @sherenelle @verothexeno @donnies-pop-tart @donatello-writes

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right now?!!!

This genius.

We'd be cured tomorrow!

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Question 2: weirdest dream. Gah my dreams are VIVID. So I've been obsessing about piercings for awhile, so in the dream I stepped up to a mirror and my whole cheat was weirdly pierced alll the way across in a straight line, and I'm all what the hell? That's not the design I wanted! That's when I had a break through and for the first time ever in my life, I figured out I was dreaming - while still in the dream and I actually tried to smack myself to start waking up. Never thought I'd catch myself doing that. In another I dreamt I was sitting and suffocating and not able to breathe for no good reason, only to jerk awake and found out I rolled all the way over on my face and was smothering myself in my sleep with the pillow. (No, I'm not suicidal). I had a dream where I was flying on a broomstick because I've always wished I could fly and as a kid I used to lay on the stair banister and swing my legs and still miss that to this day. The dream combined the 2 and it was awesomely vivid, I really did feel like I was flying and loving it and because it felt so real, I kept being afraid to go fly higher off the ground more than a few feet, except it I was riding during daylight in front of everybody next to the family car on the actual freeway doing this, even weirder - I was also in the car at the same time watching a couple other guys flying then it would jump and suddenly I was with them.

My dreams can get pretty vivid. Have been since I was a kid, but i've never actually outright recognized that I was dreaming while still in one until just recently. It was pretty surreal. I've always wondered if I was able to intentionally control my dreams once I figured out it was one, but from other experiences I realized I control it with my emotions, because I start noticing that when I'm reacting heavily to something and my mind changes the dream follows, but I only recognized it when I woke up, but felt something was off while still in it. It's a cool phenomenon.

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Question 3: favorite tradition

Was: I never really had a favorite. I didn't grow up with strict adherence to one to be honest. I've always admired families that have personal ones of their own though for one awesome reason or another. 🥰🥰

As of 2020: voting. Haha!! Get these fools outta there!

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Question 4: things I collect

Now this I have a ton of answers. 😉😁

My dad and I were close and he was ALWAYS 🙄☺️ looking for things for us to do together. It started with collecting die-cast cop cars cause my dad was a cop. Personally I never got that interest. So we moved on to drumset pads. My dad played the drums, I got in on the clarinet and singing, but my dad loved Neil Peart (God rest both their souls 😭🙏) so he put together a MASSIVE electric drumset. We still have it. I like playing it mostly because he couldn't as much as he wanted it to, but it brought him so much joy.

Various hobbies later, we land on....

Blades!

I kid. You. Not. We have a whole shop worth of cold steel pocket and boot blades of various makes and models.

Now THIS....I loved! This was bad ass. In fact, my dad loved making me laugh and when I told him about my piercing admiration, he's all "weren't you born with enough holes in your body? Quit trying to add more. If you want a bad ass healthy obsession, do what I do- take up blades. 😎🤘🔪🔪🔪"

When I was little however, my personal thing was for travel: card decks and candles. I loooooved collecting those. So many different scents and a good deck of cards can always come in handy cheap, fun, and collected from the various places you've visited. Like postcards, but better. If I can also pick up an awesomely designed scented candle, even better. I loved candles. I finally got a couple stone wall sconces for my birthday a few years back that I've yet had the chance to utilize. No better time than now. 😁😁😁 I also collect Paracord, because I love Paracord projects.

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Question 5: song describing best friend....hmmm...gah I wish I had a hysterical answer for this and I don't. Blegh!

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Question 6: favorite place to travel

Oh easy:

HAWAII!! 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰 OOOOH how I miss it. It was sooo beautiful and easy to walk from place to place, the perfect natural island temperature control on Oahu, the way the rain fell (I looooove rain) with the wind even if there was barely any clouds in the sky, the way the rain fell but was completely warm outside during fourth of July (you have no idea how I cried from happiness from that Absolute moment of perfect beauty with my family), the clear beaches, the amazing Mt. Diamondhead - my absolute most proudest moment of myself and the most breathtaking cool breezy reward up at the top, the war history, the overwhelming nature, the tininess of the island, the famous surfing contests, the shopping, the freedom, the scents and sounds, and

....oh how I miss Hawaii. 🥰🥰 I was so relaxed there. I felt like I was home.

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answered from this post:

[gail-hq-archive]

◖◖ headcanon. bring it all down so you can finally start over       tw: alcohol abuse       with special mention of @nataliechanghq @dianaxsmythe @therealstevee       @spencer-hq @casey-hq and a minor mention of @connorhq◗◗

► word count: 3881

Summary: Being the headstrong petulant brat that Gail Weston is, she didn’t let anyone tell her what to do; not even her own subconsciousness. So she did what she does best: hurting people.

It’s been two hours since Gail cracked her phone screen in a fit of rage and raided her own alcohol stash. Her mind had long been hazy, but still it wasn’t enough to get the incessant nagging thought of her mother out of her head. When she first broke out her bottles of vodka and various other liqueur, she had bothered with cups and tumblers, but after downing two bottles of whatever fancy stuff she had stowed away, she didn’t care much for propriety or whatever. It was peaceful and loud all at the same time. Gail sat on the floor next to her bed, staring distantly at her own white walls. How did everything get to this point? Does it matter? Does anything?

The sudden vibration from her phone sitting by her side shook Gail out of her spaced out moment. She squinted her eyes and checked the caller ID: Natalie. Panic and dread fills Gail, did she forget about some standing thing they might’ve had? Unable to think clearly, Gail picked up the call and tried her best to sound sober. 

“Hey Nat.” Yes, keeping it short and sweet. The less she talked the less chance Natalie will know she’s drunk.

“M’not feeling ‘kay.” Atta girl, she was so proud of herself for her enunciation. She was after all, first place for moot when she was still in law school. She’s practically nailing this phone call. 

“Wha-at?” Red Alert, Red Alert! Natalie sounded entirely too suspicious, did she blew her cover? Shit- shit. How did she know?! Gail cast a suspicious gaze around her, not trusting that there weren’t some ninja around her that’s reporting back to Natalie. 

“M’not slurring!” Denial of the charges, that’s right. She needed to establish a position first, and that’s she was not drunk. 

The opposition thought otherwise, but she wouldn’t give up without a fight. So while Natalie started to berate her about drinking in the broad daylight, she wracked her brain for a good defense, but all she could come up was:

“Fuck you, Nat!” Which followed by a swift thumbing of the red phone icon. Well, it wasn’t as swift as she’d like, Gail only fumbled with the phone for a second or two, but nobody’s keeping count.

Gail sat quietly for a moment, looking confusedly at her phone. Had she really just hung up on Natalie? Well, she started questioning her sobriety first, so really, she deserved it. But then in the middle of Gail’s alcohol driven mind, she realized that Natalie would most definitely come looking for her. And she’s basically a sitting duck in her apartment right now.

She tried to stand up quickly, only to regret it as a wave of nausea attacked her sense of balance. Once she’s regain more or less most of her faculties, she grabbed her phone and the bottle of Jack that she’s been drinking and ran out of her condo, albeit unstably due to her heels.

---

Gail wandered around the streets for a little while, she barely had the wits to pick up a straying paper bag to cover up her booze a few blocks ago. Where could she possibly go? She’s got no friends, Natalie doesn’t count because right now she’s being a giant pain in the butt butt. She’s got no real home, never had. All she had was her slowly draining Jack and a phone that’s been turned to silent when Natalie couldn’t take a fucking hint. A crack in the sidewalk made Gail tripped and stumbled in her step. Holding her hands out, her savior managed to keep her upright. Uninhibited, Gail gave a grimace that shouldn’t pass as a smile. “T’anks.” She mumbled, her breath reeking of alcohol. She tried to place her newly minted savior, Gail was sure she’s seen her before. From law school? From high school? No, no. Maybe from work? Yikes. 

Clearing her throat, Gail tried to stand on her own, only to stumble once again. This time she gave up and hang onto Diana. She seemed nice enough of a person, maybe she won’t be like Natalie ‘Snitching Mom’ Chang and start lecturing her on all the disadvantages of drinking.

“I know you,” Gail brought her index finger up and booped Diana’s nose, giggling the entire time. It was so funny! Her nose is meant for booping. 

“Did you know cats sleep 16 to 18 hours a day?” She said, interrupting whatever spiel Diana was going off on. Something about wanting to talk? Pffftt, does it look like Gail’s a talking type? Like sure, she argues for a living but otherwise, talking is like a big no no. Nuh uh. Non merci. 

Gail let Diana droned on and on about her own little past history and honestly, Gail was getting really bored of this conversation. There was a really pretty blue bird that just flew by and she wondered where it went... Maybe it got killed by a car, her thoughts drift to the dark side as easy as ABC. All pretty things tend to end up poorly. 

Finally, when Diana tried to reach for her bottle, Gail has had enough. “You’re killing my mellow, man.” With that said, Gail gave Diana a quick shove off to the side, not as effective as she hoped, but the fact that she hopped into a cab immediately after seemed to do the trick to get herself away from Diana. From the window, she could see the distressed face of the blonde and Gail sneezed at how positively face-contorting it looked.

---

Gail had just shouted at the cabbie to drive when she first got in, but the longer she sat in the back of this dubiously smelling cab, the less she wants to remain there. Pulling out her phone, she squinted and with some effort, she managed to call Kronk. She quickly barked out the name of her usual bar and then ordered him to meet her there in 5 minutes before hanging up just as abruptly. As the cab driver wasn’t made of brains, Gail had to repeat herself and their destination to him once more. 

It took Stevie an extra five minutes before he got to the bar and Gail had been sitting in the cab waiting for him all this time. When Stevie came running through the streets, Gail stepped out, not as gracefully as she normally would, but it can only be considered as such given the state she’s in; she stopped him with a hand on his arm and told him to pay the cab man. She didn’t stick around to look at Stevie’s baffled face and his reluctance in fishing out his wallet and paying the hefty bill, instead she walked purposefully into the establishment and took a seat by the bar. 

“Finally, that took you fooooorever.” Gail rolled her eyes when Stevie finally joined her. She poured them a few shots of vodka and glared at Stevie until he acquiesced. They sat together for a while, it was mainly Stevie talking. Which was a nice change of pace since normally it’s Gail telling him what to do and him delivering marginally acceptable results. She actually didn’t mind listening to Stevie talk, his voice wasn’t grating... yet. 

-- She spoke too soon. Not a minute after Gail thought she might finally be able to get some peace and drunkenness out of the night, Steven Kronk Evans opened his mouth and started nervously rambling about how Gail doesn’t look ‘alright’. What the hell does it even mean to be ‘alright’? 

“Shut your whore mouth, Kronk, nobody asked you to have an opinion.” Gail threw back harshly at Stevie’s concern. She’s not here for concern, she’s here for the alcohol, she’s here to drown herself as deep and as far as she can humanly tolerate. But if she was capable of being honest at that point, she knew she was beyond the point of no return. If she kept drinking the way she’s been drinking, either her liver will give out or she’ll need to be hospitalized for alcohol poisoning -- which the latter doesn’t seem so far fetched a possibility.

Stevie, not cluing into the the fact that Gail might not be in the mood to talk about anything, or maybe his balls finally dropped and he wanted to grow a spine for once, kept on. Gail didn’t want this, she didn’t ask for any of this, she didn’t want any of this. She just want everyone to shut up and for everything to be quiet. A small voice at the back of her head shouted This is what you want, you want someone to care. He cares. Let him.

Being the headstrong petulant brat that Gail Weston is, she didn’t let anyone tell her what to do; not even her own subconsciousness. So she did what she does best: hurting people.

“Oh fuck off, Steven. I only asked you here because though you can’t do anything right, you at least knew how to listen. Now it’s like you don’t even know how to do that. Is there anything you can do?” And since the knife isn’t embedded deep enough, Gail forged on.

“I should’ve just called your sister or brother, at least they look competent. Hell, a garbage man can do a better job than you right now.”

Turning her head away from Stevie, Gail ordered another glass of gin and told the bartender to leave the bottle. 

“Just get out of my sight, I don’t want to breathe around useless garbage.”

Gail didn’t pay any further attention to Stevie. She didn’t even know if he left right away or he lingered and looked at her with those sad beady little eyes that sometimes creep her out. All she knew was she finally had some silence to go with the gin. 

---

It must be closer to midnight at this point, and that would’ve meant Gail have been drinking on and off for about half a day. When Stevie left, she had the forethought to order something to eat, something chicken and greasy. It was a bad decision given how it almost immediately sobered her up. She washed the dinner down with gin. As time passed by, Gail had slowed down in her drinking. She only sipped at her drinks instead of knocking them back like a champ. 

She was so lost in the haze of nothingness that she didn’t even realized someone was calling her name until she felt someone shaking her. Unfocused, she lolled her head over to the figure next to her and hummed. 

“Wha..” She slurred off. There was a pretty cute guy looking at her, except he’s sporting one of those ugly worried expressions. She reached up with her hand and tried to smooth away the frown. It worked for a moment when he smiled, she smiled right back because who wouldn’t when a cute guy is smiling at you and holding you like that. 

She didn’t know what was going on but he said something to her, and she nodded. She nodded and her eyes fell closed on their own. She have been having trouble keeping her eyes open wide, and she was finally in a good spot. Her head was spinning so much, but at the same time she was floating... she felt like she was in the clouds -- or at least if she knew how it felt to the in the clouds, this would be it. She was weightless, as though nothing was tethering her to anything. She was free. 

Opening her eyes, Gail saw the cute guy pay off her tab. Pretty and rich. She hummed happily, she would gladly sleep with this guy, she decided. Through the haze of the alcohol, she managed to catch his name: Spencer. It sounded familiar, but nothing popped out at Gail. So it must be fine. Spencer, the cutie, helped her up and out of the stool and walked her to his car -- or so she presumes. It’s too shiny and smelled too nice for it to be a cab. The whole car ride took too long and also not long enough for Gail. But the moment they got out of the car, Gail was all over him. Her arms wrapped around his shoulder as she leaned up to kiss him. She had the alcohol, and now she wants the regrettable sex. 

Gail’s attempt to jump Spencer’s bones in the hallway was only half successful as she was repeatedly pushed away in favor of walking, of all things, by Spencer. It took yet another forever and a day before they were behind what Gail supposed to be Spencer’s apartment. In her haste, she didn’t gave her surrounding a clear look, for if she did, she would realize that she was back to the IHQ campus or at least recognize the layout of the apartment. Now that they were in an enclosed space, Gail tried once again to fuck Spencer. Try being the operative word. He kept pushing her and stopping her at every other kiss, won’t let her take off his clothes, and certainly won’t let her take off her own clothes. 

Straddling his lap, Gail looked beautifully angry. With arms resting on his shoulder, she huffed.

“Are you gay? Is that it?” She flipped her hair away off and over her shoulder. His denial of her statement caused her to be even more frustrated. 

“So what’s wrong? Isn’t this why you brought me back here?” 

Yet another stuttering denial.

At that point Gail was tired, tired of playing these stupid games with stupid boys. She pushed herself off of Spencer and plopped down onto the couch. She then asked him if he had more alcohol. When the response she got was a worried look and pursed lips, Gail grumbled and crossed her arms in defiance. Spencer tried to pry her with a warm hand on her thigh and soft spoken words, but none of that would ever work. Finally, Gail look stock of where she is and realized that if she stayed here any longer, she might end up committing homicide and suicide. Gail gauged the distance between her and the front door, thanks to the fact that they were stumbling and making out the whole time coming in, it wasn’t locked, and she was still close enough to make a run for it. So Gail switched tactics, she sighed deeply before turning to smile sweetly at Spencer, asking if he could actually bring her some water - just so she can start the process of sobering up.

Gail waited like a cheetah readying to strike, the moment Spencer’s silhouette disappears behind the kitchen wall, she made a run for it. Without her heels, Gail managed to escape the would-be prison with big success. She heard a distant yelling of her name but by that time, Gail had already slammed the door behind her and ran down the stairs. Adrenaline can do wonders, especially for someone who is entirely inept at anything sportive like Gail. 

--- 

Still, Gail had her limits -- especially physical ones. She only managed to go as far as the front door where she promptly fell onto her ass panting like a dying zebra. Glaring at the blond doorman and barking at him to mind his own damn business, Gail fished out her phone from her bra. She scrolled all the way down to ‘C’ and selected Connor’s name. At least he wouldn’t rat her out to Natalie or do anything untoward... or maybe she could even convince him to have sex with her again. That certainly seemed like a good idea at the time. 

‘im diwnstsirs cm ppixk mr up’ 

So maybe her texting abilities weren’t topnotch right now, but she thought she did pretty well, all things considered. Firing it off, she hid off to the side of the entrance where she kept her glare on the ugly doorman, not trusting him to not do anything fishy. It only took minutes, but it felt like hours to Gail, for someone to come bouncing down and opening the door behind her. Gail was about to berate Connor for his tardiness when she looked up and found that it was decidedly not Connor who’s standing there.

“You’re not ugly Connor.” She deadpanned. 

Nope, it was Casey bloody Rose.

Gail was tired, her feet are sore, her back hurts, her head is spinning and she’s suddenly lost sight of what she wanted anymore. So when Casey took Gail’s hands into hers and invited her up, Gail did nothing but allowed herself to be led like a child. 

The trek up to Casey’s place was slow, but it was... nice. She stared confusingly at their joined hands and wondered why it felt so nice to hold hands with someone. Once they were behind Casey’s apartment door, she settled Gail at the couch before going off somewhere. Gail opted to sit on the floor and leaned back against the foot of the couch. She cooed over Nala, who came sniffling at her the moment she sat down. While she still felt like she was floaty and all around unstable, the dog helped make Gail feel a little less spun out of control. Or wasn’t that what she wanted? To be out of control? To feel nothing? To not be tethered? Gail frowned and tried to make sense of her head. 

Movement at the corner of her eye took a while to register, but when it did, Gail looked up from Nala’s resting form on her thighs to meet Casey’s eyes. The blonde looked at her so gently, like any sudden movement and Gail would be flying off and out of the apartment. There’s still worry, but it wasn’t as suffocating as when everyone else looked at her. 

Gail beckoned for Casey to approach. She was so pretty... Gail had thought that when she saw Marley in that bar, and again when she saw Casey when she was a ball of anger rushing towards her. The Rose sisters were undeniably beautiful, but Casey was a conundrum. She’s so happy and silly all the time that it’s hard to imagine her ever being anything but -- but Gail does. Gail knows exactly how her face contorts prettily with rage, and how all that disappears into regret and worry. Casey’s face was extremely expressive... and Gail has the biggest crush on it.

When Casey was close enough, Gail reached out and tugged at her arm. She leaned up and captured Casey’s lips into hers. Her lips were soft but unmoved. And almost instantly, Gail felt hands on her shoulders gently pushing her off. She looked up, scared and crushed at the same time, fearing that Casey would yell at her, shouting for her to leave. No, she needed to leave. She needed to leave before history repeated itself and left Gail with the broken pieces again. Gail scrambled to get up and the whole time she mumbled her apologies and other incoherent things. 

She could barely step past Casey before she was stopped. Gail looked at Casey’s hand on her arm but didn’t lift her gaze to meet the blonde’s. Casey said in no uncertain terms that she didn’t want Gail to leave. Gail stood there for a moment before muttering that she needed to use the washroom. 

Shut behind her little temporary safe haven, Gail padded over to the sink and stood in front of the mirror. She hated what she saw in the mirror, she hated everything about it. All she could see is everything that’s gone wrong, that’s gone bad. She was rotten. Flipping open the medicine cabinet behind the mirror, she found a small pair of scissors and a razor. For a split second, her hand hovered over the razor as thoughts ran through her mind. It was too dark, even for her, so instead she reached for the scissors. 

Closing the cabinet, she was faced with the abomination that is Gail Weston again. Everything about her is in order. Everything about her was planned. She was just her mother’s glorified barbie doll. She didn’t own a single part of her body, not her looks, not her life, not anything. Gail grabbed her hair into a ponytail and in a few chops, she cut off a good 7 inches off of her hair, leaving them fall shortly below her shoulders. She didn’t really comprehend what she had done until she was staring at a fistful of hair. She suddenly found herself sinking to the floor, her knees were too weak to support her weight any further. Gail let the pair of scissors fall clattering off to the side as she continued to stare at her handful of hair. 

The clattering of the scissors was probably what drew Casey to check up on her, or maybe it was the sheet amount of time Gail was in the washroom and the distinct lack of water running that clued her in. But either way, Gail only noticed Casey had came into the bathroom when she was kneeling in front of her, with a hand over hers. 

Gail looked up from her fistful of hair to Casey. She opened her mouth and closed it multiple times before she knew what to say.

“I cut it all off.”

“All the bad things,” 

“It’s all gone now.”

“It’s all gone.” Gail’s voice hitched at words. One tear, then two, then it was as though the floodgate had opened. The sobs started to pour out of Gail the moment Casey wrapped her arms around Gail and pulled her into her embrace. On one hand, Gail held tightly onto the chopped up hair and the other clung onto the front of Casey’s shirt like a lifeline. Gail sobbed and cried and screamed. It was as though she was finally letting herself cry after years of suppression. Gail cried without abandon and she did it all while Casey held onto her.

After a long while, after Gail’s cries dwindled down to sniffles, Casey took care of the mess and led Gail to bed where she was told with certainty that she wasn’t going to move an inch until Gail had fallen asleep. It took some time, but soon the exhaustion from crying and the enormous amount of alcohol she had consumed finally took over her. 

---

The next morning, Gail woke up with the headache of the century as the memories from the day before washes over her like a tidal wave. Gail, with great force and effort, managed to tear herself out of the bed where Casey was now sleeping soundly, and made her way out of the apartment. She couldn’t possibly stay there and face Casey, not when she practically violated her autonomy and forced herself on her. That was before she made a huge mess of herself crying like a baby in front of her. No, this won’t do at all. 

She’ll need time away from all of this, from everything and everyone -- and the best place to do that is to retire back to the gigantic emptiness that is her condo, where all this shit began.

[universal-kitty]

   My buddy @robotarmjokes has been having a rough time of it, I’ve been planning random gifts left and right anyways... So here’s an impromptu gift just for her. :’>

   Rhys just wants his girl to feel better~

Getting back home always felt like a relief for Rhys. It was the signal of the end of another workday, a bit of downtime... More “plotting” for the wedding (only so much was agreed upon together, but- he had to admit- the mysteries just made it all the more exciting to look forward to!) and generally, just officially allowed to pamper his fiancee without being that guy.

   Even if he was the CEO and liked to benefit from that role more than any good leader should...well, some things don’t go to the broom closest like TV shows would like you to believe, let’s say.

   Still, seeing the place darker than usual had his greeting die in his throat, looking around lost for a moment. The lights? Where was D? It was so late, you’d think she would’ve put the lights on by now... Sniffles alarmed him, kicking off his shoes in an awkward rush and following the sound back into the bedroom, where he found her curled up, facing the headboard and shoulders shaking.

   ...Oh. So this is why she texted him she was leaving work early? It wasn’t uncommon for D to pack up on leisure (he assured her twenty times over it was alright beforehand), but... Now his heart hurt.

   D was upset and he hadn’t thought to make sure she was okay... Agh, what an idiot! Well, he’s home now, so... Rhys padded over, watching her the whole way. She didn’t react until he sat down, freezing, but still sniffling. He put it aside to wiggle up, until he was spooning her; arm draped over her middle and cheek resting on the back of her head.       (Internally, he cursed his lanky limbs; they still hung off the bad and surely the seams of his pants would yet etch themselves into the sides of his knees and calves.)

   “...So. How’re you doing, D?” A simple start. Nothing too much for her and gauging how things were. Always a good place to start.

   “Pretty shit, actually,” she mumbled, giving a short, curt laugh. “Feelin’ pretty worthless. Like I should just...give up again. Stay alone, for everyone else’s sake...and my own.” Her voice cracked at the end, body shifting a little as she tried to wipe the returning tears away.

   He hated this. What that person had done to her... It was especially haunting her now. So many times... He couldn’t be upset at her, rather, the past circumstances that made her so anxious. Every nice word being buried under the fear that it might be another well thought out lie. Every pleasant touch a fear that it’ll turn into sweeping, angry gestures.

   Everything kind had been turned into a fear that it masked a deeper hatred and Rhys... Well, cliche as it is, he always did wish for the ability to take that away. Make it easier for her. Yet all he can do is press kisses into her hair, hold her closer, and make himself into the snake they both joked he was. 

   “You’re not worthless, babe... You’re wonderful. I know you have lots of difficulties believing that, but it’s true. I promised you then and I promise you now.” A kiss to her ear had her shiver and he huffed a laugh, but didn’t pester her any more on that. “Besides, I’ve heard pleasant conversations about you from co-workers--”

   “Oh fuck, they talk about me...?” DL groaned, tilting her head into the mattress, but Rhys just took it as an invite to kiss her shoulder through the t-shirt she was wearing.

   “Only good things, don’t worry... You know you’re inspiring people to get cool hairstyles? I swear it’s true.”

   “...Huh. Sounds like a load a’ shit.”

   “It’s true. I wouldn’t lie to you, remember?” She sighed deeply, then nodded a little. Not moving her head, though. At least she was sniffling less... One step at a time.

   “...Don’t think you should be alone, though,” he continued, his voice dropped into a low, quiet rumble as he shifted to perch up on his elbow; his free hand stroking through D’s bright pink hair. “You’re going to make lots of people lonely, you know that, sweetheart?” When D only hummed in response, he continued. “I heard you’ve made a good friend in that, uh...person from R&D. They really like talking to you... Hell, I’m surprised they haven’t stolen the PA system from me to announce how cool you are.”

   Rhys had to laugh a little at that. The excitable little scientist had been found on Pandora, apparently an ex-Hyperion scientist, of all things... Quickly became the head of the R&D branch with all their knowledge and downright spoiled DL with friendship whenever she went over to visit. Honestly it was...really nice to see. Having a vocal friend like that... Even Rhys noticed the confidence boost D got from that.

   Though in a time like this...it’s stubbornness and cuddles from the CEO himself that’s gonna have to save the day!!

   “I ‘unno... I guess they’re pretty cool...”

   “I’d say. You know how much happier and confident you’ve gotten being friends with them? I’m...honestly amazed.” A small laugh leaves her and Rhys brightens up. Ah, progress!! “You notice that?”

   “...A little,” she admits quietly, head finally moving back to the side. “Like, yeah, most of the time I still feel like I’m super annoying and I talk too much or what have you, but... They’re really supportive of me? And they, uh...” D paused, seemingly embarrassed, before admitting, “They actually, like...encourage me to gush about you? To them? And it’s really sweet of ‘em. So I appreciate that.”

   “...First of all, exactly. I’m proud of you, but...” He can’t stop the grin, ECHO eye definitely lighting up a little. “You gush about me to others~?”

   “Ooooohhh, don’t think too much of it. Your ego’s fine,” she scoffs, giving a pat to his arm, but Rhys is already laughing in delight. That’s great!!! And she admitted to it!!!!!! His night’s been made, that’s for sure. (And judging by the little smile he sees peeking from behind pink hair, he knows its got her feeling a tad better, too.)

   “...Hey, D? Can you look at me for a second?”

   “Noooooo.”

   “Oh? Why?”

   “Cause I probably look super gross, hah. I’ve been crying for, like... I don’t even know? Awhile, at least.” Ouch, his heart. Well, now he needs her to look at him!

   “Your face isn’t gross,” he assures, kissing a hair-covered cheek. “I’ve seen you cry before and you’re still cute. A messy cutie and I’ll kiss it forever.” A pause. “...Am I doing words right? That sounded infinitely better in my head, I think-”

   “It’s fine,” D sighed, then wiggled a bit so Rhys would scoot back a bit, so she could roll over on her back. He’d help brush away the pink strands on her face, noting quietly those red eyes and patchy-red cheeks... Leaning down to kiss them both, then her nose, and finally, her lips. Pleased at the brighter red now glowing on her face.

   “...There you go,” he murmured, flopping back down. Back went his arm over her stomach, but now with the addition of his leg over her own. (Maybe that will help his limbs. He can’t wait for pajama pants and laying over the bed the right way so his legs aren’t vibrating like they feel they are.) “It’s really alright. It’s a dark time, you know. Things are going to get better. We got the wedding soon, buncha friends are gonna be there... We could go to R&D later? Together? See what weird things your friend is making...”

   “Don’t let them hear you say that,” D mumbled and they both laughed at the image of their indignant face overhearing Rhys call her babies “weird things”.

   The laughter died pleasantly, quiet reigning for awhile, before D murmured, “You really think it’ll be alright? That I should, like, stick around? Cause I don’t wanna be a bother and I’m worried-”

   “-about the lies. I know, babe. But don’t let that jerkwad control you even now. Um, sorry to interrupt, though.” Another kiss and an awkward grin. “Really, just... Trust them. I mean, maybe not everyone- Pandora is still kinda a shitty place- but hey! You’ve got some good friends that are cool! I screen out a vast majority of jerks... Atlas: Better Than Hyperion, as I say...”

   “Pffftt, since when?” Rhys breathed in, paused... Then hummed slightly.

   “Well, since...tonight, I guess. But it counts!”

   “You’re a dork,” D shot at him, tired, but amused smile on her face. He beamed, fluttering his lashes at her. (Trying- and failing- to not grin when even that seemed to fluster her.)

   “But I’m your dork~?”

   “...Well, yeah, you are.” She laughed a little and Rhys took another chance to kiss her, stroking her hair.

   “...You feeling better, babe?”

   “Yeah... A little.”

   “A good start,” he hummed, kissing her cheek and his robotic hand smoothing over D’s cheek. “Well, I’m...going to get changed. And I welcome more cuddling, but we should move. My legs hanging off the bed’s edge have been killing my circulation, babe.”

   “Wh-? Why didn’t you tell me?!?”

   “Cause I love you and you needed to vent more than my legs need blood flow,” Rhys declared, shooshing D with a smooch. “Now give me a bit and we’ll get some tea, I’ll get changed...and we’ll be comfy and relax, alright? I love you, D.”

   “...Love you too, Rhys.”

[vertebralheights]

((“Shield”, idk only if you want to! :0 our specific muses .. actually have not interacted yet . . . haha))

((It’s ok I don’t think Bo would complain about having her life saved.  That’d be rude as hell!))

Send “Shield” for my muse’s reaction to yours placing themselves between my muse and danger.

Of the many anomalies in various timelines he’d seen, this one has to take the cake.  An entire section of the underground, complete with its own population and problems.  He hadn’t stuck around to get a better look, but he could have sworn he saw some skeletons running around.  Definitely worth looking into when he had a bit more time.  He was just doing a little recon, just checking in on the newest thing to crop up.

He was just checking out some of the caves near where he’d more or less spawned in about and hour or so earlier.  He was just getting ready to shortcut himself back to his lab to make some notes of what he’d found when he heard a voice.

*Ok, YIKES!

It wasn’t far off, and the voice sounded distressed.  He didn’t trust his knowledge of the area enough to shortcut directly to the sound, but when he heard the second shout, one more like a child’s, he kicked into high gear and short-cutted anyway.

*Ok, Lark.  Now don’t feel bad if you can’t get it on your first try.  I don’t think humans are even really supposed to be able to magic.  I didn’t even get it on day one, and I was “Gifted.”

She put boney air quotes around the last statement but that didn’t seem to deter the red headed eight year old.  He had a deliberate bounce to his walk as his skeleton guardian led him through the caves.  He was slowly shedding bits of his monster disguise now that they were away from the public eye.  He was a human child, with wild red hair and thick, square spectacles perched on his short pinkish nose.  He makes a face at the skeleton when she suggests he shouldn’t be able to actually use magic like he was so keen on doing.

*Yeah yeah, I know.  You’re a smart kid, who’s to say you won’t figure it out, right?

He puffed up proudly before running a few paces ahead of her.  He took up a stance, and a FIGHT was activated.

*Ok bucko, your move.

Bo stood opposite him, hands in her pockets.  She knows he won’t be able to do anything to her, but she’d be an awful guardian/mother/sister to not let him try.  She watches as he does a series of (admittedly, very comical) movements, attempting to make any sort of magic manifest from his tiny human body.  After about three minutes, she steps forward out of the FIGHT.

*Hey, stop that, you gotta breathe kid, or your head’s gonna pop right off.

He signs heavily and pouts, kicking a few stray pebbles.  He gives her a pitiful look.

*Aw, don’t look at me like that.  I told you, It’s not easy.  Plus, You’re a human.  you don’t have magic like I do.  To even get it to come out’ll probably take years, maybe longer.

He still looks pretty bummed, so to ease his sadness at the situation, Bo goes over and scoops the little kid up in her thin arms.

*But don’t sweat it, I’ll keep teachin’ ya, okay?  You’re kinda half skeleton in a way, so maybe it’ll be easier, huh?

He nods eagerly.  She’s just about to set him down when she hears something.  It sounds like scratching, like a set of claws honing themselves on stone.  she stands firm, holding the kid a bit tighter.  He looks around, having heard the sound too.

They stand there in silence for about a minute before they heard the sound again, louder this time.  she clings to him a bit tighter, knowing something bad was about to happen.  the sound is to their left one minute, and then in a flash, it’s directly above them.  she has no fast way out, she can’t do her ‘thing’ with Lark in her charge- The kid couldn’t handle having his body full of rocks and dirt like she could.

A massive something bursts from the rocky ceiling above.  It’s five times her size, with an indescribable and horrible visage.  At a glance, it’s nearly skeletal, but its got entirely too many arms, legs and- Well it got too many everything.  It’s quite awful to look at.

*Ok, YIKES!

She manages to jump out of the way of the thing, but she and Lark are caught with a bit of falling debris.  Bo tries to dodge, but Lark takes a hit from a rock to the side of his face, breaking his glasses and scratching his cheek.  He yelps, a strained and strangled sound from his inability to properly vocalize.She holds him closer to her stepping back from the monstrous behemoth that lumbered before her.  She could run, but something told her this thing was VERY fast.  Maybe it was the six legs?

*Shit- Shit-

She raises her the hand she feels she can spare, with the other still holding the injured child, who’s clinging to her, his bleeding face buried in her shirt.

*Shit-!

Before anything can even happen however, a fourth being manifests itself into the dark cave.  A figure, shorter than her simple appeared in front of her.  He made some sort of exclamation she couldn't hear but it sounded like surprise.  He then unleashed on this creature what she could only describe as an absolute onslaught on the creature.  It’s so fast she almost doesn’t catch most of it, all she knows is that her savior must be a skeleton with all the bone attacks.  she even swears she sees a fifth creature appear and vanish- But surely it was her eyes playing tricks.

To her horror, the attacks didn't actually seem to do much to the creature.  It’s boney facade had a few cracks but otherwise, it seemed unharmed.  However, it’s many faces seem... Defeated?  And it withdraws into the shadows with a weak and wobbly sound

The remaining three people sand in absolute silence.  Sans hadn’t evene intended to intervene that much- it was more out of reflex than anything that he reacted like that.  What was that thing...?

*heh.  nothing like breaking some bones to break the ice.

He turns around.  A skeleton.  Okay.  That was kinda new but not a total shock but-  Was that a human kid in her arms?

The anomalies just kept stacking.  Ah well, no sense hiding it now.

*...i’m sans.  sans the skeleton.

Bo slowly set the kid down, checking his face.  Luckily he seemed ok, a little bloody from the scratches but otherwise, fine.  The kid wastes NO time however approaching the other skeleton, his eyes wide with awe.  Even if he was able to talk, he’d be speechless anyway.  Bo certainly was.  She felt kinda numb at the moment.

*heh.  hey kid.  you tryin to greet a new pal?

He stuck out his hand.  Doing this felt weird and familiar in ways he didn't like, but the kid was different enough- It almost felt normal. Bo stepped forward as if she were going to stop him but-

PFFFFBBBBTTTTTHH

The sound of the whoopie cushion in his hand stunned both the skeleton and human child into silence.  And then, after a second, despite everything that had just happened-

*PffFTT haHAHA-

Bo doubled over.  Maybe it was the sudden shock of nearly losing her and her kids life only to have it saved so suddenly by a stranger, but the farting sound was just about the funniest thing she’d ever heard.

*heheh, the old whoopie cushion in the hand trick.  *its always funny.

[azulemega]

Code: Too much Alcohol - Ch2

Pre-movie

Megamind, Minion, Roxanne - Megamind/Roxanne (hinted at) Drama/Angst/some humor -  R (for alcoholism, cursing, sexual tension/thoughts)

When Megamind’s most recent plan fails miserably, he seeks to getting drunk to try to wind down. Hopefully he can stay sober enough to stop himself from making a mistake that he might live to regret.

(Chapter 1)

——————————————-

Remarkably Megamind was able to make it unscathed to Roxanne's 7th floor apartment balcony. Maybe it was the fact that he was basically on autopilot, just going through the motions of this particular drive/flight he's made a million times. It also helped that he was emotionally fueled and, thus, determined to speak his mind and reach his destination.

He put the motorbike in park and turned off the engine (thankful that he had installed a few mufflers a week ago to keep it nice and quiet). He then quickly made his way to Roxanne's glass sliding door and tried to open them.

"*Aggrevated sigh* of coursh da damn thing's locked. Easy fix!" Megamind pulled out his De-Gun and shot the lock. The lock disintegrated while the handle fell off and made a loud crashing sound on the floor inside the apartment.

"Pffftt...oops! Oh well!" Megamind giggled and slid open the door while trying to keep his steps straight as he walked in. The more he concentrated on his footfalls, the harder he started laughing. Even though he came in with serious intentions, everything suddenly seemed hysterical and he just couldn't calm himself down.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing here?!" The overhead light suddenly came on revealing the real Roxanne Ritchie looking extremely pissed with a baseball bat gripped tightly in her hands.

"I'ma comin' to tell yer stupid face dat you are a bitch and I am absolutely in wuv--" Megamind drunkenly started to reply but was cut abrupt as his face started to turn green with his stomach trying to come up his throat.

"*CanIuseyerbathroom!" Megamind blabbed urgently and quickly covered his mouth as he started to panic. [*Translation: 'Can I use yer bathroom!']

"Absolutely not! You'll have to get through my bat to step any further into my apartment," Roxanne replied agitation filling her voice as she held the bat tighter and got in batting stance.

"Please--I feel--sick--*gulp*-bath--room..." Megamind's face somehow amongst all that blue turned very green and he began to worry that his insides were going to be all over Roxanne's floor.

Roxanne realizing that he wasn't trying to pull some kind of trick, lowered her weapon and replied, "Umm okay...It's on the--"

"---anx!!!" Megamind whooshed past Roxanne and made his way to her lavatory, slamming the door, and immediately began retching.

"--the right....yeah..." Roxanne stood dumbfounded watching the door close. What the Hell is going on here? Matter of fact, what the Hell am I getting into by letting him further into my apartment? Seems something--*more throwing up could be heard*--is clearly wrong here. Is he sick? Wait, do aliens even get sick? Drunk? Seems possible...Maybe this is a good time to get in some deep questions? I mean he is disturbing me at an un-Godly hour and I'm helping him by letting him--*more tossing of cookies can be heard*--well, do "that".

Megamind felt miserable. The long ride over here must have sobered him up so he no longer felt giddy and calm. He physically felt sicker than a dog as he leaned into the toilet breathing hard. He could feel his emotions whelming up within him as was he pummeled by all the strong thoughts and he feelings he remembered from earlier at Evil Lair.

What the fuck is wrong with me?! I'm not like this...When did I become an animal?...I mean, I am evil, but I do have morals...How could I have even began to think that Roxanne was trying to trick people--well, me--by the way she talks or moves...This is Miss Ritchie we're talking about! She's professional and the most smartest person I've ever met. She'd never sink so low as to use her womanly ways to get what she wanted. Hell she'd just as quickly kick someone's ass if she even got a whiff of them trying to take advantage of her...She's not an object or prize to be won...Oh, Evil Gods, what was I thinking???

He began puking violently as His mind started to feel muddled and tired. The alcohol and exhaustion from the day finally started to catch up with him as he forgot where he was.

I'm just glad that I'm still in the Lair and not off doing something stupid. Minion, as always was right--shit, I said terrible things to him...*Sigh* I deserve this. I can't believe I was acting like such a fool and thinking like a creep. Not only that...He grabbed his mouth as if to hold back a sudden sob then continued thinking, Miss Ritchie...why would I think she'd want to be with m---

"Uhh...you almost done in there? It's 3am and some of us have to go to work in the morning..." Roxanne was starting to get annoyed and had no interests in letting someone (especially an evil villain) make vomiting noises to keep her up all night.

Megamind did not respond.

"Well, I'm coming in. I really don't want you in there all night..." Roxanne said assertively.

Megamind incoherently moaned not really to anyone, just mostly because he felt awful.

"Let's get this over with," Roxanne said to herself taking a deep breath. She opened the door to find Megamind sitting on her blue bath rug with his large head between his knees. He appeared to be staring at the ground with his eye lids half closed, looking the most defeated she had ever seen him.

"Are you alright?" She asked, not being able to help herself. Something is way of here. Villain or not, I'm going to have to assist him I want to get him out of here.  

"Oh SHIT! Where the hell did you come from?!" Megamind answered with full panic in his voice and bloodshot eyes almost popping out of his big, blue head as he backed up into the corner where the wall and bathtub connect.

"Didn't you hear me call from the door?---erm, nevermind..." Roxanne after fully seeing the horrible state he was in, looked away feeling her face blush with embarrassment. She'd never seen him so...vulnerable...His face was a deep hue of purple (no longer green, thank God) and he was gasping like a man who just finished a marathon. He reeked of sweat, alcohol and sick. This whole ordeal was so unlike Megamind that it made her very nervous.  

"I'm at your apartment *deep breath* aren't I?" Megamind replied pitifully and looked at the ground again as he tried to regain control of his breathing.

"Yup..." Roxanne looked around the bathroom trying to look anywhere but at him. This was the first time she'd been stuck in a situation like this with her usual kidnapper and she really wasn't sure of what to say or do.

"I'm sorry..." Megamind mumbled very quietly under his breath but sounding very loud in the silent apartment. He felt so gross about himself that he wasn’t even mad he let that bit of feeling slip.

Roxanne was completely shocked. There's no way she heard the words "I'm sorry" come out of Megamind's mouth. It just wasn't possible! He's never been sorry for anything as far as she knew.

Thinking against her best judgement and acting spontaneously, she replied, "Ummm...yeah, so you maybe want to call a truce for tonight?" She walked slowly toward the Evil Genius and held out her hand.

Megamind looked up at her eyes, slowly understanding what she was saying, making sure this wasn't some kind of trick. He then focused on her hand where he replied in a disconnected voice, "Yeah, sure..." He took Roxanne's outstretched hand and slowly stood on his feet while she tried to help steady him.

"So...you can sleep on my couch for one night but after this, you owe me," Roxanne stated as she let Megamind lean against her and they began to exit the bathroom.

"Yeah, yeah..." Megamind answered with sudden aggression. He could feel his hangover becoming a headache very quickly, making him feel very irritable. Maybe it was the close proximity of Roxanne’s body, but some of his anger from how she acted during the failed scheme earlier that day came back to him. His mood swings were really starting to piss him off too. Usually he was in control of this mess but here he was being manipulated by it.

"Hey, no need to be like that! I'm helping you out here. I mean I'm not the one puking in your home while you're trying to sleep!" Roxanne started to think she should just throw him out on to the balcony. Instead she continued to help lead him to the couch with an arm around his slender body.

"Pshh," Megamind rolled his eyes and huffed.

When they reached the couch, Roxanne heaved Megamind toward it. "There! You better be gone in the morning." She left him to go to open a closet in the hall, where she grabbed a blanket, slammed the door shut, and continued on with her demands from earlier, "I also expect you to fix my door and up my 'Frequent Kidnapping Card' benefits."

"Yeah, sure, whatever. It's done," pouted Megamind as he crossed his arms and glowered at her.

Roxanne tossed the blanket at him and replied with annoyance, "You can be really childish you know. I mean did you really just come here to tell me that I'm a 'bitch'?" She hadn't forgotten that outburst and had truly wanted an answer since she finally had his attention.

"Well...you are one," Megamind muttered under his breath and turned away from her to stare angrily at the wall. He was still feeling frustrated with her, himself and just...well, everything. He was done trying to mask his feelings and just decided to go with it. I mean, she was already upset with him and he was in no mood to try to right things.

"Oh, come on! What is this about?!" Roxanne just had it. Fuck this stupid attitude of his. I deserve some answers since he's the one that barged in on me. Surely he had a better reason to come and bother me while wasting my time to berate me...An idea suddenly came to her.

"Wait, is this about today's 'super successful plan' because you cannot be mad at me about that. It was your stupid scheme that didn't work and had nothing to do with me." She could feel heat rising in her cheeks and it felt good to let off some of the steam she's been building up for a few days. Of course that's what this is, just his fucking hurt pride. So predictable!

Megamind then slowly turned to face her. His long, blue face looked no longer angry, just sad. She couldn't stop staring his big, emerald eyes that appeared to hold so much pain. Where did this come from?...No, no! I'm not falling for that. He captured me at a very inconvenient time and I can't help that his plan was really, really bad...But why...why does he look so sad? Surely a villain wouldn't show this much sadness even if they are having an off night...

"You're right..." Megamind replied honestly and began to pull the blanket around his lean body as he laid down across the couch. "I'll be gone in the morning and will make all the arrangements to meet your demands. I respect your hospitality, Miss Ritchie." He turned away from her and prepared to try to go to sleep and relieve his aching giant head. I've just got to end this. Once I get some sleep, I can make up some story to explain myself. Right now...I've got to stop this pounding in my brain.

Wait! What the Hell was that?! Now he's admitting to being wrong and thanking me again? I just do not understand...Roxanne thought as her mind began to race with questions and utter confusion. It's got to be the fact that he was drunk. He's showing me so many emotions and sudden kindness...I just...I feel bad for him. I don't know how he did it but I do...

"Look, I'm sorry to for today," She replied truthfully.

Megamind slowly glanced over his shoulder at her giving her an interested look that said "continue".

"It's just...I've got other things going on in my life right now that's made our arrangement, or whatever it is, difficult..." Roxanne hesitated as Megamind set up suddenly with a wince and turned to fully face her. His green eyes glowed with surprise and hurt. Roxy, you know you shouldn't be doing this. I'm basically giving him the deets of a super secret project that literally involves him. He can't know or everything will be ruined...I've got to be very careful here...

"You mean, you're replacing my epic battles with Metro Mahn with something...else?" Megamind inquired sadly. He couldn't believe it. He laid back down on the couch and started to focus on his thoughts. This has to be a bad dream...It's just the lasting effects of the alcohol playing tricks on me, right?

"No, no, it's not that at all. What I'm working on is just a really complicated side project. It will in no way effect Metro City's top story which will always be you and Metro Man." This was the best answer that she could come up with. It was a partial lie but it was the best she could come up with hoping he wouldn’t begin barging her with questions.

"It's just been draining to work on and has made me irritable...Even my co-workers have commented on it, haha. But I can assure you that it's almost done and everything will be..." Roxanne stopped as she noticed Megamind had fallen asleep. Phew, thank goodness.

She noticed that part of the blanket had fallen off him and as a reaction fixed it.

"....you're not a...bitc...." Megamind mumbled sleepily as he drifted off into a deep slumber.

Roxanne smiled at him and watched as his face relaxed. He looked so peaceful lying there with a strange presence of innocence around him that confused her. If someone was to see him now, they would never that he is an evil vilian... Megamind smacked his lips and lightly licked them as he stretched and rolled his body away from her.

She felt her heart betray her as it fluttered at the sweet sleeping scene before her. She could feel her cheeks blushing as she quickly looked away thinking, Well, this has definitely been an interesting night, morning actually, haha...Maybe he's not all heartless after all?  

With the crazy events of the late night/early morning seeming to be at an end, Roxanne went back to her room and immediately fell asleep.

——————————————-

Roxanne awoke that next morning with a jump. Everything that happened last night came flooding back to her and she quickly made her way to living room to check to see if it was all real.

Megamind was not there nor was his motorbike.

That couldn't have been a dream?I know it happened.

She looked on  the couch and saw that a note was left for her on a folded blanket:

Miss Ritchie,

I do not remember what happened last night but I know that I owe you a new door. I hope that I did not ruin our relationship and as a free heads up, I will be planning the next kidnapping on Thursday. Hope that makes it up to you a bit.

ϟ M ϟ

Roxanne smiled and laughed to herself. Well, I guess this will have to do.

*~END~* (Chapter 1)

(Author’s note: Hope you guys liked this little drabble I did. There’s some connections to other stories that I might write this one is referring too. Thanks for reading! ♥)

[ayearofpike]

Remember Me 2: The Return

Pocket Books, 1994 210 pages, 16 chapters + epilogue ISBN 0-671-87265-6 LOC: unknown (catalog down as I wrote this) OCLC: 30986560 Released September 1, 1994 (per B&N)

Shari Cooper, having passed into the light after her untimely death, is learning to be one with the universe and accept it with love and grace. It makes her a perfect candidate to return to the realm of the living — only she’s not going to have such an easy, pampered life. Rather, she’ll have to take on the life and struggles of a downtrodden minority who has given up, and work to improve the lot of everyone in her circle.

So here’s the one that Pike said he should have refused, that the publisher talked him into a sequel but in retrospect it damaged the story. But ... I don’t hate it? I know, that last entry was super vitriolic and angry about sequels and Pike’s slide into essentially irrelevance. Still, I was surprised that this book is not totally horrible — save one major racial problem that we’ll get to.

One thing that definitely annoys me about this book: the new die-cut covers. When I picked this one up at the store, I thought it was the awesomest thing: extra-spooky typeface that shows the art THROUGH it rather than just a generic script along the margins? But then I got the next one and stuck it on the bookshelf by this one, and the back cover caught the fingers of the E and PFFFTT. It took them a couple years to catch on and just print it, which, while a kludge, is preferable to the six or however many torn ones I have.

But narrative-construction-wise (as opposed to physical-construction-wise) the book actually holds up. Pike alternates between the first-person consciousness of Shari and the third-person observation of Jean Rodrigues, a poor and unmotivated but hot Latina living in the projects in Los Angeles. It’s not really a spoiler to say that Shari ends up taking over Jean’s body, and the realization marks a nice in-time shift in descriptive perspective as she suddenly understands that “she” is “I.”

So how the hell am I going to summarize this, considering the construction and flipping between astral plane and physical realm is what makes this book work? I guess you’re just going to have to trust me, and read it if you want. I’m going to punch through the world beyond the light first and then come back to Jean, even though it’s her who opens the novel.

We know Shari’s dead, and we know she planned to go into the light at the close of events of the last novel. Our first encounter with her here has her talking with a more-enlightened being, who acts as a teacher and a guide to help Shari understand that the love she gave and the services she rendered are the more important elements of her life, beyond the expensive house and the indulgent parents and the fucking Ferrari. As she starts to get it, he suggests that she should become a Wanderer — a soul that takes over a living body rather than being reborn from the beginning and works to make things better. She’s interested, but she also wants to talk to Peter before she goes back.

Yeah, remember Peter? Well, I never said his name in the first summary —  the spirit guide who loved her in life. He was able to get through too. He overcame his fear that he wasn’t good enough, and now he’s on the eternal plane with Shari. They construct the prom that they never went to, but just before they can get it on in the hotel room afterwards Peter lets his body get ripped open by the alien xenomorph that he decides to turn into as a joke. I have to admit it’s funny, but it highlights what Peter might still be afraid of: love, intimacy, getting too close, not being good enough still. So instead of boning, they explore the stars, and there’s some metaphysical shit about a black hole and how everything is interconnected that makes Shari realize she’s ready to be alive again and start making a difference.

Of course Peter wants to go too, but the fact that he killed himself is going to be an obstacle. These fears that he can’t quite release, and the circumstances of his death, mean that he’ll be resurrected into a body that is less than whole. Peter’s willing to take the hit, and the teacher accepts because he senses Peter’s love is pure. Also, the teacher lets them know that they’ll need some kind of a shock to the system in order to remember what they know about the cosmos, but even if they don’t they’ll still know they have some kind of higher purpose.

So now I’ve gotta jump all the way back to the beginning and talk about Jean. We get more male-gazey description of this hot brown mamacita, but I wasn’t quite as grossed out this time because her looks are the only thing Jean likes about herself. She’s down on her prospects, down on school, down on her family and what her life might turn into — because she’s pregnant with her boyfriend’s kid at 18. And tonight is his birthday party, and she’s going to tell him.

The birthday boy is Lenny Mandez, a gang dropout who finished high school at 20 and is trying to get clean but still has too many connections. He lives in a ramshackle house on a hill surrounded by oil wells, dirty but good enough to get wasted at. And I don’t really like the fact that the first time we have a whole cast of Latinxs they’re gang-bangers and dopeheads and dropouts — but the picture is real. I had plenty of friends and coworkers as a young food service employee in the Southwest who felt like this was their ceiling, this was all they could get, this was all they should aspire to. Which is part of why this story starts to piss me off later, but we’ll get to that.

So Jean tells Lenny about the baby, he’s less than thrilled, but then there’s a meeting. Kind of parallel to what happened in the first book, only with fewer people. It seems that a friend just got gunned down in a drive-by, and his girl wants revenge. She and Lenny are planning everything out, Jean’s best friend (who is a lesbian but again, don’t be squicked out, kids in 1994, because she totally doesn’t hit on Jean or anything!) doesn’t want to get involved, and Jean really doesn’t want them to pursue this. Why do they drive themselves down, Jean asks? Why can’t they aspire to anything better? Nobody’s hearing it, so she goes out on the balcony (because, sure, there’s a balcony in a two-bedroom house in the projects) to pray for help and understanding.

And the thing collapses out from under her.

She wakes up in the hospital three days later, with a concussion and several broken bones. Her mom is there and just breaks down out of happiness, because there was no sign that she would ever wake up until just a little bit before she did. She had a miscarriage too, which ... is sort of glossed over and forgotten quickly. But Lenny was on the balcony too, and he broke his back, severed the spinal cord and will probably never walk again, and now he just wants to die.

See, maybe I gave away too much too soon by breaking the story down the way I did.

But anyway, Jean suddenly feels less selfish and more giving, and she wants to help. She starts volunteering in the hospital as soon as she’s well enough, and has crazy ideas for stories about aliens and monsters and things. (Because evidently the best way to give your family and community a leg up is to become a horror and sci-fi writer. Getting less and less sly as we go along, Pike.) One of her patients (who is dying of leukemia, because everything old is new again) actually inspires her first short story, a tale of a successful writer whose muse wants in on the action and starts blackmailing her, which includes this frustrating little nugget.

But Jean isn’t satisfied just being her new self. Something is drawing her away from the hood and out to the rich developments. She takes a bus to Huntington Beach and walks with no goal in mind until she finds a bloodstain on the concrete by a condo. The property manager assumes she’s a friend of the poor girl who fell to her death the previous year and helps her find the family house, which of course she goes straight to and finds Shari’s brother moving out. She gets him to let her help in exchange for a ride home, and after reading the short story at the grave of her patient she feels compelled to go see him right away.

He lets her in and they immediately start talking about the dead sister. They’re both unnerved, but they keep going because something compels them. In fact, the brother reveals that he has a file on his computer that he’s never shared with anyone — a story written while he was sleepwalking that tells about his sister’s death and the events around it. Jean starts reading it, but she doesn’t have to finish because of course she wrote it. She is Shari. Shari is her. Shari has taken over Jean’s body in light of her prayer for help.

And this right here is where I get pissed. Like, Pike has constructed the realistically untenable situation of undereducated Latinxs in America. He’s written it with ... well, if not tenderness and understanding, then at least care and consideration. And he’s got a protagonist who wants to help her family and her community rise up and get out of the problematic cycle. BUT THEN. As soon as Jean Rodrigues realizes she’s Shari Cooper, the whole fuckin’ community goes out the window and Shari takes over and wants to try to reconstruct her old life. I mean, yeah, she gives some lip service to where she came from, but right away she’s like, yeah, let’s see my birth mom, let’s get my old best friend in here, let’s find the detective who cracked the case. 

More than that: we’re getting a white savior story. Yes, this was many years before we understood the problems endemic to this trope, but still, that’s what it is. It requires the soul of a white girl going into the body of a Latina for her to want to start improving herself and her situation. It didn’t bother me then, because hey actual brown people in YA lit, take what I can get. But now? It bugs the fuckin’ shit out of me.

But Shari/Jean does actually still care about Lenny. Knowing she’s Shari, she’s surprised by the depth of feeling she has for him. (I mean, we’re not, because I gave away the reveal already.) What’s more, she still wants him to live a meaningful life beyond vengeance. Word is he’s gotten out of the hospital and out of rehab, and is mobile in a wheelchair, and is tracking down a gun. Shari/Jean knows what that means, and she goes to collect him and get him out of the projects to meet her new/old brother. 

Lenny is surprisingly amenable to going with her — but only because it’s Jean that he’s going after the whole time, and now he’ll have ample opportunity to kill her away from where people know her and will suspect. See, he knows that he used protection every time they had sex, so he knows he can’t be the father of the (now-non) baby, and so she must have cheated on him. In fact, he figured it was his best friend, based on their prior relationship, and so he got the dude into the rival turf so that he’d be a target. And now he’s going to end Jean, who doesn’t love him and never did, and save a bullet for himself.

Lenny doesn’t see the parallels to the end of Peter’s life, because he never reads. (He says so himself.) But Shari/Jean does. She does her best to try to talk him out of his actions, but still ends up hanging from another goddamn balcony as he shoots at her fingers. It’s only as she’s slipping away, millimeters from death, that Peter wakes up and realizes who he is.

It’s too late to grab her hand, and Shari/Jean falls. Lucky for her, there’s a pool under this balcony, and she lands in the deep end. (Her best friend makes a joke out of it, actually, which did get a chuckle from me.) And then, just as everybody knows who they are and where they’re from and what they’re supposed to do: we get another goddamn “to be continued.”

I really don’t like ongoing sagas. Not sure what it is, but I have increasingly lost patience with them as I get older. (I think this is part of why I had such an angry reaction to The Last Vampire.) So the idea that I have to wait for another book to get the rest of the story bugs me, even though a) I have it on the shelf and don’t technically have to wait and b) this resurrection story hangs together OK. As I recall, the “white savior” and “forgetting where you come from” elements are even worse in the third book — as in, I’ll stop calling her Jean or even Shari/Jean, because she’s just Shari. Still, this one wasn’t as painful as I expected it to be, especially reading it for the first time in, I don’t know, 20 years after so many Pike Facebook posts regretting it.

[anxiety-trademark]

The week in review:

Raw 11/02 NXT 11/04 NXT UK 11/05 Smackdown 11/06

Raw:

Alexa just says, “he could be here,” then starts laughing. She’s like a walking red flag.

Love the difference in ‘play’ and ‘pain’, and I love how she’ll wave with either one depending on her intentions. Interesting to note that she’s left-handed, so every time she uses her right for ‘play’ it is absolutely a conscious decision.

Great editing to have Alexa disappear.

Randy’s got a hard life rn lmao.

Mandy and Dana’s gear looks fantastic.

Wow Lana is hella ballsy coming out there during their tag match.

Mandy Rose trying to use Octopus stretch? What an interesting world we live in.

I understand that Dana and Mandy might want the tag titles, I’m just not sure it’s wise to be fighting your future teammates ahead of SvS :/

Dana and Mandy do good team work, I just wish they’d work on the timing for their synchronized cartwheel + kick combo.

Pretty suplex, Shayna. Shayna’s probably the nicest most harmless bull you’ve ever seen. I become more and more of a fan every week.

Damn Mandy plays perfect defense but Shayna kicked out. Good teamwork though.

So Lana’s a face now because Nia and Shayna are assholes who have been tormenting her for like 7ish weeks? Do I have that right?

Oh sad, Lana accidentally screwed Dana and Mandy out of winning the titles. Ahhhh this is why Lana has no friends.

Lmfaooo. “What cuz [Lana’s] a little butthurt that I put her through a table?” “You put Lana through six tabl--” “I TOLD you NOT to say her name in my presence.” pffftt bye.

Weak finish to that promo. Hella rude to threaten to end someone’s career though, Nia. Hella rude.

I love Alexa’s enthusiasm when she’s the Firefly Funhouse version of herself.

Bro what the fuck. Christ these always have so much to digest.

I don’t... I don’t know what exactly her trick is... was that blood? Are we going for blood? That didn’t look like blood. It looked like melted fucking organs or something (or melted down candy/licorice/gelatin but let’s not get meta and ruin the fun)

I love the contacts. That’s an interesting look that I wish she’d carry on in her present day matches once she transforms into her evil, alternate self. Also noted that he used his ‘heal’ hand to turn her into the blood spitting, warped version... and I think it was the same last time, right? Was it his ‘heal’ hand last time? What does that mean in his eyes??

These are such a mindfuck ever since she joined his Funhouse. That’s not a complaint.

Why are they having Nia fight in 2 matches tonight? Why couldn’t they push this off a week?

First off, I really don’t like Lacey and Peyton together, and I’m actually quite fond of Lacey. She’s not the best worker, but she’s a fantastic entertainer, and that deserves much more respect than a random tag team with Peyton Royce.

Second, LOL at Shayna immediately clearing off the announce table. This is gonna be tragic and unfair. If I’m Lana, why the hell would I accept this match? Ego? WHAT EGO DOES LANA HAVE lol. This should be pointless in her eyes.

Lana your bravery isn’t gonna get you shit. Is Asuka gonna come out? Cuz that’s the only way you survive this.

Normally you won’t hear me cry about no selling like the dumbass iwc, but Lana did a pretty fucking high worked kick and should’ve nailed Nia in the side of the head/neck. Why wasn’t there a reaction to that? Lame. That should’ve stunned Nia at the very least. Made her flinch? Anything??

LMAO Nia just called her a pathetic piece of crap. Rolling.

Nia breaks up the pinfall attempt on Lana herself x2. Fantastic heel work. Don’t see that enough.

Peep the red marks on Lana’s back. Sad.

Fuck man, table number 7. That’s... that’s sad. Pretty bummed that NOBODY will come help her. 7 fucking times, whew.

Having a lot of the women appear multiple times tonight. Looking at how the Raw women’s division is being booked, I gotta say, SD is kinda over-bloated.

Oh cool I can actually see Alexa’s white tattoo on her shoulder blade in this lighting.

Nikki I’d advise you to not speak ill of the fiend. Also lesbireal, you iced her out the second you didn’t win the title against Bayley all those months ago.

Fucking LOVE those contacts why weren’t they a permanent part of her look as this version???

Highlight: Firefly Funhouse

---

NXT:

Ahh I love Dakota and Raquel’s matching colors.

Tbf, Dakota is a stepping stone, she just SHOULDN’T be cuz she’s way too good for that.

Dakota is so fucking scrawny. I really hope she isn’t just deemed a jobber on the MR. She needs to keep that speed up or bulk up a little.

lolol you know what Ember, you fucked around and ate a ringpost. Serves you right.

Nice armbar, Dakota. Now sit up and lock in the dis-arm-her (she won’t)

Dakota’s leading this match, peeped that call.

Ember’s suicide dive is so vicious. Like a missile straight up impaling her opponent.

LOL Dakota dodged the second. Again serves you right, the double suicide dive is Seth’s move.

Damn Dakota fucking NAILED her with that kick upside the head. You seeing stars Ember? Cuz you should be seeing stars. That was NOT a thigh slapper, that had an audible pop.

Yeahhh Dakota is absolutely the face in this match and you cannot tell me different. Ember’s arrogance is infuriating. Girl legit failed on the MR and she comes down there with an ego (in kf) tf outta here.

Love how people in nxt are constantly trying to use the Bank Statement but it NEVER looks as good as Sasha’s. Take a hint.

Love how Dakota utilizes these arm bars, that’s so random to me, has she always used submissions? Probably.

Why are we showing Ember dramatically hulk up like I care?

“This is Ember’s law” WHAT IS EMBER’S LAW FFS

HAHA atta girl Dakota, atta girl. That’s the homie, good for you. Fuck Ember’s law.

Shotzi PLEASE I could actually like you if you didn’t make me want to punch my 27″ monitor every time you fucking howled.

Also why you’d ever choose to face Toni over Rhea is beyond me but whatever.

This is not a whole new Toni Storm. You’re the friggin same. Ember has changed more than you and she didn’t even have a heel turn.

And why is the term ‘stepping stone’ being shoved down my throat this week?

Interesting that Io has chosen to tie things up with Rhea, but that’s to be expected. See now, if I was wwe, I would’ve called up Rhea immediately after this title match took place, but I already know that doesn’t happen.

Odd that they never show footage of Charlotte when they play back clips of In Your House. Triple h really that salty that she beat Rhea? Fuck man, Rhea needed that loss. Did her good.

Io: “I’m not afraid of Nightmare” I liked that.

“2020 has been complete trash,” what a babyface line by Rhea tbh.

Rhea idk when you’ll get to hold the gold again, but it’s not gonna be anytime soon. Your best hope is that you’ll win the Royal Rumble. Your second best hope is that they’ll move you to Raw and at some point in 2021, you can potentially make the Raw women’s championship meaningful again... what with it being devalued to hell since Becky left. Your realistic hope says maybe you can hold it by the time SummerSlam 2022 rolls around.

oof Shotzi’s big mad lmao. At least we skipped her lengthy entrance and that stupid howl.

Ohhhh nooooo Shotzi botched a vault like 20 seconds in. Oh man that wasn’t even just ugly, she fucking wiped out. Yikes. Yikes. Go back to the pc hun, practice that a couple dozen times more, cuz that’s the type of shit that’s gonna keep you down in nxt.

“you gotta wonder where [Shotzi’s] mind is” sure... sure...

Oh the tank’s a nod to her cousin in the military, interesting.

That cannonball was way too high anyway, Shotzi. You were never gonna make impact with that.

Holy shit Shotzi looks sloppy as fuck tonight. Usually it’s her ring work that I compliment, but good lord. Out here looking like the low card.

“Shotzi Blackheart just has not been herself so far in this one,” no this is practically a carry.

Yikes these restholds. Awful match. Do a Storm Zero and call it a night.

Christ and Shotzi fumbles on Toni’s Northern Lights Suplex. Mk.

“This match has certainly lived up to the hype” wow then y’all have LOW expectations.

No she didn’t get all of the ddt, and she could’ve ended her damn career with a dumb move like that for some throwaway tv match. Holy shit she’s such an extreme indie performer.

WOW so we sit through this long ass dreadful fuck up of a match, do a potential career ending move, then the ref just... stops counting cuz ???? and Candice pops up on screen just to get Shotzi’s attention. Hello? WHAT IS THIS TRAINWRECK. Negative 8 points to Shotzi and Candice (just because I don’t like Candice) and plus 3 to Toni for having to deal with this bullshit on her second match in nxt.

Dumb. Toni should’ve been counted out, and she should’ve been allowed to hit Shotzi with a finisher. Dumb.

lmao fuck that tank. I don’t even like Candice, either. gg. Plus 2 points.

I thought Toni was a heel? Lame. Negative 2 points for continuity.

If Xia says the letters from her family are personal, then they’re personal. Leave her the fuck alone, tmz.

Xia vs Raquel?? Lol good luck man.

Highlight: Dakota vs Ember

---

NXT UK:

Ah a squash match for Jinny, mk.

This girl looks ridiculous.

Nice impact on the Irish Whip into the corner.

Lol no selling Jinny’s stomps, ooookay.

Jinny has this aggressive wrestling style, but I feel like Bayley could toss her around lmao.

Someone give me a dollar every time Jinny calls her ‘stupid’ so I can buy a new car.

Kay so this James girl is hella athletic, that’s nice.

Rolling lightning kick? That’s your finish?? A recklessly blind heel kick while somersaulting??? Alllright, anyway.

lol plz, you’re no queen.

Ah yes a match I have ZERO interest in: Piper vs Jinny. Give KLR a squash match, I’m bored.

SPEAKING OF MY UK QUEEN

Jeeze look at KLR’s arms. Whew.

She’s so much more entertaining than the rest of the division, holy hell.

LOL KLR. Look at her sell that fear. What a fucking performer, goodbye. All the points to KLR.

Piper, KLR’s hair is way too fucking gorgeous for you to be pulling her around by it. The blatant disrespect. And you dare touch her title? Rude. RUDE.

Highlight: KLR existing

---

Smackdown:

Great video package but I have to highlight the way Sasha just sat there against the ropes staring at Bayley for what, 2 minutes? Before even acknowledging she had won the title. That was fantastic.

What’s funny is I watched their hiac match live cuz I wasn’t sure Sasha would actually win, but I never bothered with this one, because I KNEW Sasha’s curse had been broken. I knew it’d be against Bayley that she’d retain her title for the first time.

kekekek Bayley’s so fucking obnoxious.

Beautiful opening sequences. Not often can people do that particular sequence with Sasha, I think I’ve only seen Becky do it on the MR (could be mistaken)

Nice baseball slide while pulling Bayley’s ankle off the apron. Smooth af.

Jeeesus Bayley launched Sasha into the air just for Sasha to smack the apron and crash hard on the floor. Points to everyone.

Bayley playing gassed as if she’s actually tired, when we all know this girl’s stamina is aces above the rest.

Beautiful elbow drop to Bayley as she’s hanging off the apron.

Bayley sort of no sells the backstabber and goes for a messy Bayley to belly as Sasha counters into her Bank Statement. The idea for that sequence was there, the execution was not.

Oh shit Bayley hit her with the Eddie Guerrero swerve that didn’t pan out, and then popped a backstabber on her. Lmao nice.

Sasha kicks out of a Bayley to belly and flying elbow. Guess we’re showcasing her resilience as a champion. Solid.

Bayley’s so fucking fast. I love watching her wrestle when she’s not spending all of her time on the defense, holy shit.

Lmao now Bayley has her in the Bank Statement. Nobody does it like Sasha though, and there’s why.

Great match, great match. Real treat. Le curse is finally broken.

Peeped Sasha kicked her in the face on the apron, just as Bayley did when she turned on her. Nice storytelling. I enjoyed the in ring stuff with these 2, but holy shit I’m glad this feud’s over.

Man oh man do I hate Mella’s lipstick lol. I do, however, like her as Sasha’s first opponent.

Nattie: “I shouldn’t have been put in that triple threat match,” Also Nattie: “I think we should do a triple threat match,” Is ‘crazy cat lady’ ALWAYS going to be Nattie’s gimmick?

I really hate seeing other women besides Charlotte wearing Gucci, and I know that’s fucking insane but it is what it is.

This should’ve been on the show, wtf wwe. 

Do the commentators not know what’s fucking happening lol?

The speed of this is as if they were told they have 3 mins, make everyone shine.

Just watched a match where Charlotte hit a Natural Selection on Nattie while Nattie had the Sharpshooter applied to someone, and she bumped it perfectly. Why that Running Bulldog looked atrocious, I’ll never know.

Should’ve given me the video explaining why this match is happening. Did Sasha and Bayley go over time? Dumb that this was so rushed.

hahaha Nattie got fucked out of 2 svs team qualifying matches in a row. That’s hilarious.

Highlight: Bayley vs Sasha

---

*Raw shined the brightest as a whole, but Bayley vs Sasha was the star segment of the week.

[theabominableblogger]

Rewatching “Voyage of Temptation”

Part 1 2 3 of the Mandalore Arc

Fun Fact:  Paul Dini, the guy who created Harley Quinn and wrote most of “Batman:  The Animated Series,” wrote this episode.

Duchess Satine of what the what?

I would like to point out that Anakin tries to talk about Obi-Wan’s relationship with Satine while Cody and Rex are in the elevator with them.

“Pacifism is the best” Satine says as she lounges on a bed/loveseat that makes her look down at the other senators

Who the heck voices Senator Merrik cause he sounds really familiar

Greg Proops... he voiced the podrace announcer in “The Phantom Menace!”

And... Bob... the Builder...

“Senators, I assume you’re acquainted with the collection of half-truths and hyperboles known as Obi-Wan Kenobi?”  She just freaking slam-dunked him!

Anakin’s reactions toward Obi-Wan and Satine are the best part of this arc.  Don’t tell me otherwise.

Ah yes, nightmares for days.  Thank you, Star Wars.

Can we address the fact that the assassin droids were based on an actual bug??

“The sarcasm of a soldier.”  “The delusion of a dreamer.”  THE BICKERING OF LOVEBIRDS.

FREAKING ANAKIN!

Oh my God, Satine’s eyebrow though.

Can we address the fact that Anakin AKA Darth Vader is trying to discuss the love life of Obi-Wan, who is is the Jedi-est Jedi to ever Jedi?

This is amazing

This ranks up there with Sarabi glaring at the hyenas in “The Lion King”

“Yes, but he usually leaves out the undercurrent of remorse.”  That right there is one of my favorite lines in the whole show.

“All right, men, what’s the problem?  I’m missin’ dinner.”  Same, Anakin, same.

“That’s not good.”  Obi-Wan’s real rank is Captain Obvious

Did Anakin just pull a Blue Steel?

This whole 2nd half of the episode is the plot of the Doctor Who episode “The End of the World”:  there’s these freaky-ass spider droids trying to kill people on board and someone uses one of them to figure out who smuggled them on board.

BACK TO BACK!

Y’know, for a pacifist, Satine actually has really good aim.

“I mean the scar I got after you [Obi-Wan] tripped and dropped me.”  “Oh.  Yes.”  Pffftt....

The guy who voices Orm Free Taa sounds a lot like the guy who voiced Gusteau in “Ratatouille”

Oh wait, it’s Phil Lamarr.

Is that Uncle Ono sitting at the table with them?

Oh my God, Obi-Wan swatted the thing away with a pan!

I GOTTA GET ME ONE OF THESE!

Man, I forgot how much I love TCW Anakin

*Mother assassin droid leaps out*  Hi Mom!

That dude’s hat though!

“This might not be the time to ask...”  It never is, Anakin!

“...but were you and Satine ever-”  Ever what, Anakin?  I wanna see where this goes!

What the bloody hell are those ships?

“You- go find your girlfriend.”  “Right.  No, wait, Anakin!  She’s not my-”  Pfffttt....

*Merrik reveals that he wired the ship to explode*  Of course he did.

*Anakin fights his way through the droids*  Hardcore Parkour!

The Protectors of Concord Dawn!

Oh shut the hell your face, Merrik!

“If you had said the word, I would have left the Jedi order.”  HNNNGGGGHHHH!!!!

The first time I saw this (and this was back when the CW did reruns of this on Saturday afternoons), me and my sister went nuts.

Then cue “The Lawless” :(

Quick question:  how does Satine do her hair?

FORESHADOWING! 

Obi-Wan just got his heart freaking trampled on...

Oh shit, Palpatine!

“It [the beard] hides too much of your[Obi-Wan’s] handsome face.”  Freaking...

Look at that smirk.  She has him wrapped around her finger.  Amazing.