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percervall · 9 months

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one day I’ll forget about it (knowing it probably isn’t true)

Pairing: Carlos Sainz x fem!reader Words: 2129 Request: Carlos Sainz + boygenius - Cool About It Warnings: angst? heart break, mentions of a break up, mentions of the shitshow that is Ferrari 2022/2023

In which you're trying to be cool about it

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The thing no one talks about when it comes to grief is that it’s not only a side effect of death. Or at least not of death in the sense of a finite ending of a person. Because when it comes to grieving the end of a relationship, there is no finite ending; There is no closure, no matter how much you talk things through and dissect the whys and hows of the ending. There is no closure, you discovered, because while you were left reeling and dealing with what felt like the loss of a limb, he moved on –moved away.

Perhaps that was something to be grateful for. Not having to see him at every event in the lives of your overlapping friend groups made it more bearable to pick up the pieces, to smooth over the jagged edges of you he left in his wake as he tore himself away. You had almost convinced yourself that you were okay, when your best friend mouths an apology as you lay eyes on him entering the pub –Carlos. You give her a tight-lipped smile to convey you are fine while you watch him walk to where your group of friends is sitting. You almost hate him then –almost being the operative word. He looks good, hair tousled as usual and dressed in jeans and a knit polo. Conveniently for you, your wine arrives and you can busy yourself with taking a sip as he greets everyone. During the rest of the evening you try your hardest to avoid interacting with him unless you really have to. Of course this leads to some funny looks from Lando, who’s become the centre of what used to be the Venn-diagram of you and Carlos and has remained a close friend after the split. I’m trying, you want to tell him, he has broken me beyond repair, but you do what you do best and hide behind the stereotypical stiff upper lip.

The text comes a couple of weeks later. Lando sends you the link to an article and the preview of it is enough to leave him on read. In hindsight you should have expected nothing less from him when your phone rings later that night; Lando is nothing if not persistent.

“Have you read it?”

“Hello to you too,” you deadpan as you settle on the couch.

“Sorry. Hi, have you read it?”

“Lando-..” you start, pinching the bridge of your nose.

“No don’t give me that,” he interrupts, “Read the article and then please ring me back. Just-.. Please?”

“..Fine.” You finish the call and click on the link. Taking a deep breath you begin reading a chronological account of the 2022 season that reads like a comedy of errors. At first you’re not sure why Lando sent you this; They won podiums, sometimes even in P1, but the further you scroll down, the more you realise just how much things have taken a turn.

“What do you want me to do with this?” you ask Lando as soon as he picks up.

“He is struggling a lot. This season is even worse. I need you to understand that he is not fine, not by a long shot. You may think that he has moved on but he hasn’t.”

“Lando, he broke up with me. I might not remember much from that time, but I distinctly remember you letting me cry into your hoodie for days on end that winter. How is this my problem?” You can’t help the bitter tone of your voice.

“Because once upon a time he had someone in his corner. This second fiddle role is gonna break him. I know he fucked up, that he broke your heart, but please I am begging you, you were the only person who could get through to him. Please help me help my friend?”

“If -and it’s a big if- I say yes, I’m only doing so because I love you.”

“I will be forever in your debt,” Lando replies and you can pick up on the desperation in his voice. Things must have gotten really bad if he offers you a carte blanche like this.

“Just-.. Get me one of Daniel’s t-shirts and a sweater and we’ll call it even.”

“We’re flying to Hungary together, why don’t you join? I’m sure he’d love to give it to you personally.” You sigh, flopping back onto the couch and as you stare up at the ceiling, you agree to his plan. A part of you wonders whether you’re just a glutton for punishment. Who’s to say Carlos even wants you there? Only one way to find out, you think and drag yourself to your bedroom to start packing.

The flight to the Hungarian Grand Prix goes by a lot quicker than you had anticipated. It helps that you haven’t seen Daniel for months and the two of you have a lot of catching up to do. For a moment you forget why you’re even at the track in the first place when you keep being stopped by the other drivers on the grid for a quick chat, but that all comes to a screeching halt when Charles spots you.

“Oh thank God,” he breathes and pretty much sags into your arms as he hugs you. You have no time to respond or ask questions before he leads you to Ferrari hospitality, Lando in tow. As you sit outside, sipping your coffee, Charles tells you just how messed up things have gotten at Ferrari, how while Charles is fortunate to have the entire force of the Tifosi behind him, Carlos doesn’t share that same protection. You can see the pain in his eyes at not being able to fulfil his godfather’s dreams and the weight of that on his shoulders.

“I have tried everything, but he has shut me out completely. Will you please talk to him?”

“Charles, why do you think he will listen to me? I-.. I am no longer part of his life, he made sure of that,” you all but whisper.

“Because he is still in love with you,” Charles says and it feels like someone has pulled the rug out from under you.

“It’s true,” Lando offers, “Not a month has gone by where he hasn’t asked me how you were. I get that you don’t believe us. Hell, I wouldn’t believe it either if I were you.” You stare into your coffee cup, swirling the dregs of your espresso around not too dissimilar to how their words are swirling around in your head.

“Please, just-.. Please, will you try and talk to him?” Charles asks you again, desperation evident in his voice and eyes when you finally look up at him. You don’t trust yourself to speak, so all you can do is nod. Relief floods both their faces and you brace yourself a little to see him again for the first time in months. Charles leads you upstairs to the driver rooms, leaving Lando behind who promises he’ll wait for you. Rupert and Caco are seated on the same floor, both shooting you a hopeful look as you pass them on your way to Carlos’ room. Charles knocks quietly, pushing the door open ever so slightly.

“Not now,” Carlos bites back.

“Mate?” Charles calls out in the hopes he will turn around. Whatever insult Carlos was about to hurl his teammate’s way, dies on his lips when he sees you in the door opening.

“Hey,” you offer quietly. Charles whispers that he’ll be downstairs if you need him, squeezing your arm as he leaves you behind. Carlos can’t stop staring at you, mouth slightly agape and eyes round.

“Hey,” he finally manages as you step into the room, sliding the door closed behind you and leaning against it.

“What-.. How-..?” he tries to ask, struggling to get a coherent sentence out.

“Lando. He’s worried about you. So’s Charles. I’m a last resort apparently,” you try to joke, but the nerves make it impossible for you to keep your tone teasing. Carlos sighs and slumps down on a chair as he mulls this over. It allows you a moment to look at him, to really look at him. His hair is a mess, which is not uncommon for him, but you can tell he has been running his hands through it in frustration. His stubble is slowly edging towards unkempt rather than rugged, and there’s a sadness and exhaustion in his eyes that makes you ache for him.

“Carlos..” you start, stuffing your hands in your pockets to refrain yourself from reaching out to him. He looks up at you, tears threatening to spill.

“I’m sorry,” he murmurs, voice breaking, “I’m sorry. I hurt you and pushed you away and I am so sorry.”

“Why?” you whisper.

“I thought-.. I thought that it would be for the best. When the call came that Ferrari wanted me, I was so excited but I could never ask you to give up everything for me. So I figured this was for the best, that letting you go was for the best. God, was I wrong…” Carlos all but whispers that last part but the pain is tangible.

“We could’ve made it work. Had you talked to me, we could’ve figured out a solution. You didn’t have to do this all on your own.” You want to be angry at him, unleash the heartache you’ve had to bottle up for the last three years, but instead your heart breaks for the man you once loved –the man you still love, despite it all.

“I never stopped caring about you,” you say, not daring to look at him out of fear of seeing any ounce of hope in those brown eyes that once offered you so much solace, “I probably also didn’t stop loving you which made it so much harder to see you out there, living your dream while I was left with a gaping hole in my chest. Seeing you at the pub that night made it so much worse. You seemed so confident, so carefree, whereas I had barely managed to put my heart back together only for it to fall apart all over again. I’m not saying I forgive you, but I understand now, or at least somewhat understand why you thought you had to do what you did. It will take time for us to figure out where we stand, but in the meantime I can at least offer you friendship. I’ll be here all weekend, you have Lando to thank for that. If you need someone to talk to outside of this circus, I will be in the McLaren motorhome.”

“Thank you,” Carlos whispers, “I know it doesn’t fix or prove anything, but I also never stopped loving you. I have been anything but okay, guess I was just good at pretending I was. The races kept me distracted from the pain at first, but now it’s only adding to it. I don’t know how much more of this I can take…” He looks up at you, tears threatening to spill. You step closer and he allows you to pull him into a hug, face buried against your chest and arms wrapped around you, almost as if he’s afraid you might disappear if he doesn’t hold on for dear life. All his worries come tumbling out, about how he’s had to become both driver, strategist and race engineer during the weekends, how the team prioritising Charles again and again has begun to put a strain on their friendship and how the media’s commentary on said treatment is only making things so much worse since it has put both of them in a loop of damned if we do, damned if we don’t, how his dad continuously commenting on his future has made it difficult to even be in the same room as the man he once called his hero. You listen to it all, rubbing your hand up and down his back, easing the tension out of his muscles. When Carlos has run out of tears and words, you lift his face so you can look at him, brushing your thumb across his cheekbone.

“That’s a lot to carry, Carlos, but you’ve got people in your corner. I will always be in your corner, no matter what. How about you take a nap, I will still be here when you wake up and we just take it one step at a time, okay?” Carlos nods and you see the tiniest glint of hope in his eyes that is mirrored in the tiniest spark in your heart, that maybe this –all of it and any of it– is not beyond salvation just yet.

Yeah, so this kind of took on a life of its own? I don't know man, I listened to the song on repeat and started thinking about the different ways we can grief and how sometimes appearances function as a shield to deflect from how you're truly hurting and suddenly I was over 2k into a fic that was supposed to be a blurb? Oops? If you'd like even more heartache, most of this was written while listening to Bon Iver's re:stacks

Massive thanks to @moneyymaseyy for letting me talk through the plot and being my beta reader

Please, feel free to let me know what you think, your comments, tags, and likes mean the world to me 💜

#f1 fanfic #carlos sainz x reader #carlos sainz x you #carlos sainz jr x reader #carlos sainz jr x you #carlos sainz angst #carlos sainz jr angst #mar's playlist

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qsmpmiraheze · 5 months

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Tubbo and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

Did you wonder what Tubbo did on the first day of QSMP 2024? Don't worry -- we've got you covered! Join Tubbo on a journey involving many dissapointments, and many (non-)flying horses. (That's what he called those, yes. I personally think they look more like very weird chickens.)

Don't forget to check out our wiki for the most recent edition of this recap!

Tubbo was incredibly excited to join the server, first things first remarking on Dapper’s incorrect name and configuring his voice chat. Sunny immediately came to hang out by Tubbo. He was incredibly surprised at Antoine’s inventory showing up and showed off the new animation to Quackity (who was logged in from the wrong account and sounded like he was talking from the toilet). He reunited with Foolish, the two of them being incredibly excited about the Town of Fobo. Sunny said she’d missed Tubbo a lot, and Tubbo remarked on how they had fancy signs. He went on to finalizing his sound and translation settings.

He talked with Ramón and reassured him that his fathers were probably fine. Tubbo noticed the eggs’ inventory sometimes popping up and prompted Sunny to type commands. He then decided to find Phil, and scared him by greeting him from behind him. He looked at his map and noted how they were hell knows where. His game then crashed.

He logged back in. He noticed Etoiles writing down some commands as he’d already noticed some dungeons. Tubbo saw that F3 was now much nicer. Philza pointed out how much better the performance was, making both him and Tubbo even more excited. Tubbo invited Philza to the Town of Fobo. Philza said he’d think about it, and that he might just live in a hole with his eggs.

Lenay logged on, and Tubbo encouraged Sunny to go and meet her. The two tried to approach her, but her mic was broken. Tubbo reunited with Baghera. He experimented with new emotes, talked with Dapper and Pomme (and learned that Dapper had more than one father), as well as Chayanne. Tubbo also reunited with Cellbit and showed off his new skin. Tubbo had clarified that he’d forgiven Cellbit for what he’d done to Tubbo in Purgatory, but warned Sunny against interacting with him anyway. Tubbo wondered if they could get out of the landing area.

Sunny asked Tubbo about Lenay again, so he went to talk to her only to get immediately distracted by reuniting with Bagi. Tubbo got a blindness effect and beefed with Etoiles for a bit.

Everyone was teleported to spawn. People remarked on how good the place looked, but Tubbo had trouble remembering where they saw it before. Tubbo looked at the map and noticed that Create trains were visible there. He and Phil then noticed a screen with a timer, and sat down to watch it, discussing how many mobs there were.

Tubbo realized he left Sunny unattended, and went to talk to Lenay. Everyone was separated into two groups. Tubbo reunited with Empanada, happy to see her safe and sound. Tubbo greeted one of the workers that had shown up and discovered that they had the Attributes mod. He explained to Phil what it was and Phil shared his theory on what was going to happen. Tubbo and Phil experimented with their speech bubbles’ styles. The two bothered one of the workers for food and asked Leo if she was okay (she was okay). Phil and Tubbo found out they could change text on eggs’ signs and were very mature about that feature. Tubbo reassured Leo Foolish was okay. Tubbo and Phil bothered the worker some more, to no avail.

Everyone sat down to watch the cinematic. Tubbo wondered “what half that shit even meant” and immediately went to press the button. The group went to the train, and Tubbo was very excited about the next Create expansion that was added. Tubbo then fell through the train and ran across the tracks for a bit before being teleported back to the train. Tubbo begged to be the driver and cried at not being able to drive once the train took off.

Once they’d arrived at the station, everyone got off the train. They met the new workers and joked about the island being a “furry island”. Tubbo saw a dungeon and talked to Foolish. He, Foolish and Quackity killed a giraffe. Tubbo went through the items list, trying to determine which mods they had.

Other islanders came by. Ramón noted that they should get the eggs armor, first things first. Sunny informed Tubbo that she had another Dad. The group was confused, and Tubbo asked Sunny to clarify who her parents were. Quackity came by and pointed out they had to be following a certain worker. Tubbo looked through the items list some more, and then took off running after everyone else.

He questioned what the workers were. They soon arrived to spawn. They saw ATMs and Bagi laughed about how fucked Tubbo was now that they had real money for Sunny to be obsessed with. Tubbo ran around, checking out the stores and marveling at all the new stuff. Sunny asked Tubbo to win her a plushie at the local arcade machine, but Tubbo didn’t know how. Sunny decided she wanted to make her own shop, which Tubbo approved of.

Tubbo saw Etoiles screaming about how he’d gotten kicked. Foolish and Tubbo recruited more people into their town and Tubbo made sure Sunny was with them before they left to claim their territory. Foolish gave Tubbo some food. Foolish declared Antoine as their enemy. Sunny went to ask Lenay to come.

Tubbo had a phone call IRL, and after it the group continued to run further into the wilderness. Tubbo saw a cool mob and just as he approached it, a new cinematic played. Tubbo was rather excited about capitalism. Once back, Tubbo declared that the mob they’d found was now called Frank, and rode it for a bit. The group proceeded to start exploring.

The group collected resources and found a spot for Town of Fobo. They found the first home of fobo and a villager. Sunny and Leo’s beef evolved. Fit came by and checked out the Town of Fobo. Frank was killed by admins. Richarlyson was downed twice, which got Tubbo and Fit properly spooked. They beefed with Fit and Ramón and told them to get off their property, dug out a basement below the first home, Tubbo learned there was already a Town of Fobo update account and the server crashed.

Upon returning, everyone struggled with lag; the Town of Fobo continued on despite it. They mined, declared Cellbit as their enemy, and discovered an absurdly large cave system directly under the first home. As they were mining, Cucurucho showed up, and they shared their plans with it. They later said that they were surprised it was still around, as they assumed that it was replaced by Mr. Bunny.

A chat message about being chased was displayed. Foolish and Tubbo got attacked by brand new mobs multiple times, and Tubbo got downed a couple of times. They’d discovered Alex’s caves, got into the atomic age by discovering uranium. They found two spawners, in one of which Tubbo acquired a rubber ducky akin to Chayanne’s. He’d found netherite boots (which he immediately bragged about to Etoiles), and after finding another spawner, the duo headed back to the surface.

Upon arriving there, they discovered that Fit put his house right on the border with the Town of Fobo. They reunited with their daughters, who seemed to be getting along rather nicely. They put up Leo’s amethyst and the Gem of Fobo — the first ever diamond the two mined. They discovered that while they were gone, Sunny and Leo cooked six and a half stacks of toast and gathered an absurd amount of seeds.

Tubbo farmed wood and just as he gathered all the resources he needed, he found Create mod disabled. He sat in Town of Fobo, unsure what to do. He made sure Sunny had gear and asked about her relationship with Leo; Sunny told him what had happened to her while he was away.

The two went looking for dungeons. While looting a structure, Tubbo found a signed book written by Kubek727 that read, “Dupa Biskupa :D”, which is a name of a Polish game that literally translates as “bishop's bum”. Exploring further, Tubbo found a chokobo and lost Sunny before finding her again (she had been in a hole).

They ran into Etoiles, who gave them a piece of leather Tubbo needed for a chokobo saddle. He left, and the two ran back to Tubbo’s chokobo. It was named Star, but couldn’t fly, which Tubbo was disappointed about, and proceeded to declare a new mission for the day: to find a gold chokobo which would be able to fly.

They found a second chokobo which was named Blue, and Tubbo established a chokobo breeding pit. Fobo claimed its first victim (BadBoyHalo, who was killed by Foolish). Tubbo had to fight off a zombie horde.

The first natural resident of Fobo was born — a baby chocobo. Leo came by, with Foolish and Tina soon following. Leo gave Tubbo some stuff, which he was ecstatic about.

Foolish and Tubbo lied to Tina about the origins of the first home and the three chatted for a bit about chocobos, their building plans and streamer awards. Foolish and Leo logged off for today, but not before suggesting Tina be the Fobo ambassador (especially since Tina was very interested in the place). Tina and Tubbo discussed recent money-related shenanigans, chocobos, Tubbo’s state of real life and effects of lack of Create on his psyche, American food and Etoiles. Tina left to find Empanada and build a house, and Tubbo continued on with this bird breeding business.

Sunny said that she was a bit sleepy, which Tubbo was very unhappy about, though he did later clarify that he was just joking and proceeded to put Sunny to sleep. He then went back to breeding. He heard some weird sound he couldn’t identify the source of and expanded the pit.

Richarlyson came by, looking like a pin cushion (stuffed with arrows). He said that he wanted to find Bad, which Tubbo wasn’t able to help him with. Tubbo showed him his chocobos and very non-subtly asked if it was even possible to get a golden chocobo. It turned out that golden chocobos were disabled altogether.

Richarlyson hugged Tubbo in consolation, and gave him a blue axolotl even though Tubbo didn’t want it. He also gave Tubbo a shiny plant, which Tubbo agreed to. Tubbo went back into the pit and continued breeding chocobos, rambling about how he wasn’t going to give up; he then came back up and screamed some more. Richarlyson asked to use Tubbo’s crafting table. Tubbo stood over the pit and rambled about unlucky rolls. Richarlyson asked about Tubbo’s rubber duckie and said that he also was nerfed — he wasn’t able to use wooden axes. Tubbo disagreed it was a nerf, saying that it was a World Edit tool. Richarlyson asked to smelt some iron; he then suggested he ask the gods whether there could be a golden chocobo, which Tubbo enthusiastically agreed to.

Tubbo continued to lament about lack of Create and decided to become the chocobo guy. He crafted himself chocobo armor and continued to breed chocobos. He had a mental breakdown in the pit, and decided to switch to the fishing mod. Richarlyson wanted to try breeding chocobos as well, but Tubbo said that it would be rigged and didn’t allow him.

Tubbo and Richarlyson fished. Upon Tubbo’s request Richarlyson shared whether treasure chests were nerfed, and Richas made fun of Tubbo farming chocobos for so long. Tubbo threatened to break the server.

Richarlyson egged Tubbo to breed the chocobos again, which Tubbo refused to do. Tubbo screamed about backpacks still being enabled with Create mod and chocobos being disabled. He learned that a lot of backpacks' features were disabled as well.

Tubbo continued fishing and chatting with Richarlyson. At one point Richas asked Tubbo to breed chocobos one more time, which Tubbo did. Richarlyson explained that only white, black and golden ones were blocked, and that Tubbo must have had terrible luck. They discussed the situation some more, and Richarlyson revealed that Frank was ‘’his’’ chocobo all along. Richarlyson realized he had to meet up with Bad, so Tubbo sent him off.

Tubbo then fished until he got a Neptune’s Bounty. Once he did, he bred the chocobos some more and decided to go to spawn. He talked about how he might take a break until more mod stuff is unlocked. Once at spawn, he walked around, experimented with the ATM, got himself a bounty to complete and soon logged off.

#qsmp #tubbo #qsmp sunnysideup #qsmp recaps #qsmp miraheze wiki #qsmp wiki #from hope

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chad-something · 1 year

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BEHOLD Fic Recs!!!! 18+

Notes: I’m reposting this because it seems to have disappeared completely from my account!! After the week we’ve all had I thought I’d accumulate some of my favs 🥹🥹 I’ll make a list for fluffy fics as well! Big love.

Side note, there is no theme, the theme is chaos fuck you Filoni

Warnings: These all contain 18+ content, minors do not interact - all posts contain individual warnings.

Expensive Tastes: by @eloquentmoon - cad bane x AFAB!reader

• Good lord. Need I say more? I want this shit tattooed on my fucking eyelids.

Rough Day: by @no-droids - mando x F!reader

• Because obviously. Is it too much to call this the Bible for fanfic readers?

Tech Savvy: by @bb-8 - Tech x F!reader

• Pure, unadulterated perfection.

Can I help with that?: by @nahoney22 - Tech x F!reader

• She needs no introduction. All of Honey’s work is PERFECTION!! I’m kicking my feet and blushing thinking about it all.

Handling: by @moodymisty - Tech x F!reader

• Again, she needs no introduction. Incredible writing AND incredible sex, what more could you ask for? I just adore all of her stuff!!

Catch and Release: by @sporadicthingcollection - Cad Bane x F!reader

• This was the first fic I ever read on ao3 after somebody sent it to me and I remember with such clarity being like … wait… this shit can be GOOD good?! I feel like I’m reading a Jane Austen novel rn except it’s pure smut and about a blue space cowboy. I seriously hang off Emberly’s every word - this fic and the whole series is AMAZING

Poise Counterpoise: by @sporadicthingcollection - Tech x F!reader

• Mmm same as above but for tech. I want to inject this into my brain?!

Quick and Dirty: by @eyecandyeoz - Tech x Reader

• Everything. All of Candy’s stuff. But in light of recent events this one has been on my mind!

Multitasking: by @neon-junkie - Tech x GN!reader

• I dare you to find a fic by neonjunkie that I won’t obsess over, this is one of my personal favs

Coriolis Effect: by @uponrightful - Crosshair x reader

• FANTASTIC Crosshair series with excellent writing, pacing, and smut by uponrightful

What Boba thinks about on the throne: by @saradika - Boba x F!reader

• I’m blushing. Every. Single. Fic. Is. Perfection. (And read kinktober 2021 NEEEOOOOOOWW)

These are just some off the top of my head to help ease the pain from the finale!! I’ll be back with more soon I’m sure - and there are so many other fluffy fics I adore that I can’t wait to shout out asap

(Boarders by @saradika)

Em x

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deadpool15 · 7 months

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Ch.2 To be loved

Seeing him was the highlight of my day. I remembered when I was nothing but an orphan, though I can't remember my biological parents. I sometimes like to think they died. It was the best way for me when I was just a kid. To accept the fact that even the ones who gave you life viewed as nothing but a mistake was difficult. My mother viewed her destiny as saving her country, getting rid of the drugs that were taking lives. In my opinion, people died all the time. Life was hard. We have no idea what someone is going through until they are pushed to the end. She would never understand that struggle. That pain. When I heard it was si-o behind all this, I had to know why. People have reasons, I had to be the one to see the good in him. Even if no one else could. I was falling in love, love makes you do dumb things.

Whether I was dumb or hopeless, I wanted to know him. Not the version he showed to the public, the fake smiles meant nothing to me. I wanted to see him truly smile, to be happy. I happened to be at one of my mothers many chain restaurants. And to my luck sitting there was the man I had hoped for, now I hadn't prepared myself to speak to him and I realized that when he had made eye contact with me. Stern, serious glare like he knew I was watching him. Talking to people wasn't necessarily the issue. I talked my way out of parking tickets, jail, and even school punishments as a child. I was a smooth talker, one thing I developed from my mom. Though he made me nervous, my hands were sweating, and I had the urge to convert into oxygen. I wanted to cry because as much as I hated to admit it, his opinion of me meant a lot. One accidental interaction, and I was hooked. He knew me as Tseg tseg rich spoiled friend. I wanted him to see me. It already pissed me off that he had eyes for my sister. She took everything from me without even fucking trying. I had to man up and fight for what I wanted.

"Hello sir, you probably don't know me, but my name is Danny. We kinda met before when I bumped into you at your company." He smiled though I could tell it was fake, after years of faking happiness myself. I knew a fake smile from a mile away. "Right, your Tseg's little friend, correct?" Irritation couldn't even be used as the word for what I felt in that moment, I wanted him to see me. "Technically, that's how we met, though I just wanted to say something t-to you. Please." I stood up drawing attention to myself truly not what I needed right now, but I had to tell him before anything else happened. My anxiety was through the roof, I wanted to crawl into a hole and die right then and there standing under his intimidating stare. I had to do this, though. He was the first person I felt genuine feelings for, and I didn't even know him personally. The effect he had on me was outrageous.

"I wanted to go out with you. I want to get to know you, and I know I'm not korean, and your parents may have an issue with that, but I mean Nationality vise I am. Everyone thinks I'm just this spoiled rich assshole, but i im not, and i want to show you that there is more to me than my money or parents' money. I have korean parents, so that counts, I'm well accounted for, and I have seen you before, and you're all I think about no matter what. I try to get my mind off of you, and my brain proceeds to show different connections to you. And if you p-plan to reject me, just sit here and silence, and I won't ever bother you again. Well, I hope so, I can try." He was astonished but my speech. Everyone had turned their attention towards us and started clapping. I hadn't even noticed at first. I couldn't handle rejection, especially not by him. I wanted to be with him, breathe in his scent, and help him with anything. Live a life with him. Silence was what I got, and I took the message. I had embarrassed him and myself.

Suddenly, walking out, trying to hold back tears, I was 5 years old me again. I'm sitting at my dance recital waiting for my mommy. She promised she would come today since I told her how much this meant to me. Sitting there for the next 4 hours in nothing but silence was the worst feeling a child could feel. The competition was over, I didn't even dance, missing a chance to get picked for a major academy. I saw dad pull up. Why did she hate me so much. "Honey, you didn't tell me you had a competition today, and I found the scouts there as well. I would've shown up, baby." I stared at him. I was a daddy's girl simply because my mother broke my heart before I could ever feel love from her. "I didn't tell you because I told Mommy. I wanted her to come watch me this time. To surprise her with my skills." Just glancing at him, I knew that look, the look of a father who was afraid to break their already broken child. I snapped out of it when I felt someone shaking my shoulders. Looking up, it was him. "I've been calling you for 20 minutes. You almost got hit by that truck. Are you even paying attention?" I stared at him, I didn't know what to say, would he care enough to hear. "You ran out before I could say anything. Scared? You're very pretty. And bold. I've never had someone confess their love for me in a public area at that. I admire that, while I don't really know you, I would like to get to know you. Experience something."

I was so happy at that moment that I completely ignored the world around me. I jumped onto him. He was startled at first but caught me with ease. I leaned back and cupped his face, pecking his cheek, and for that first time, I saw a genuine smile. A real surprise for me, I enjoyed it. "You look beautiful when you smile, like a hidden jem only made for the luckiest humans to gaze at." He stared at me, blushing. From that moment, we slowly got to know each other, getting closer day and night. Developing an unbreakable bond. I didn't care he was a so-called criminal. When I was with him, none of that mattered. I never asked about his business, letting him know if he wanted to tell me he could. I kept this from my family, I knew they would never approve of what we had, especially my mother. She didn't give a shit about me, but in a situation like this, she saw him as an enemy.

We sat at a Korean BBQ shop. It was simply nice to spend time at a place with no worries. "I could've taken you someone nicer, you know." I placed some meat on the grill what grabbing a piece and putting it in front of his mouth. He smiled and opened his mouth to eat it. "Is it good? And you know I don't care about expensive restaurants. I've been to enough in my lifetime. I just want to be with you. To be honest, you could've gotten fried chicken and took to me the beach to eat. It's the thought that counts, babe." He smiled at me, I smiled back until I realized the petname I gave him immediately going to apologize. "It's fine, I actually like it. Babe." Blushing, I gave him more meat. We talked about our days, he was stressed and I wanted to help. Thought he said I shouldn't stress myself. We finished eating and literally had a full-on battle over who would pay the bill. I won, "Maybe I'll let you pay next time." He laughed, grabbing my hand and walking out of the shop. While pda was no foreign concept to me, it still made me feel like it was the first interaction between us each time it happened. "Come home with me, please." I stared at him in shock. He had never asked me this. I had no experience in relationships, but usually, that leads to other things. I didn't know what was gonna happen, but I trusted him.

We showed up to his home. He told me to wash up for the night. I happily got in the shower to think I was happy. A foreign feeling. My shower lasted well over 30 minutes, I looked down and saw a towel and a button-up shirt. Luckily, I always kept a spare thong with me. Putting on the clothes, I walked out of the bathroom to find him already washed up and laying in bed. A blue robe and pajama pants on while he was on the phone. I walked out of the room to got place my clothes in the hamper, then grabbed a glass of water. I was drinking it while examining the home I had never been inside. Eventually, I walked back towards the room where he was done with his phone call. And looked up with a dropped jaw. I smiled at his antics. "You're still so pretty. With and without the makeup. Come here." Walking slowly towards his bed, he gestured for me to move closer. I crawled to him, and apparently, it wasn't close enough because he picked me up and placed me on his lap while holding my hips. I felt nervous. He noticed squeezing my hips with his larm hands.

I grabbed one of his hands, placing them in mine. Comparing the size and then kissing his palms, I looked up at him to see a bright smile. "I'm not tired yet." I told him it usually took me a while to go to sleep. I was just always up. He nodded and pulled me closer in a hug. Affection from si-o was always the best. I could tell he wasn't the most affectionate person, so I didn't push him. Though I craved his touch, I craved everything about him. Looking out the window, I saw the stars. "This reminds me of when my mom took me and my siblings camping once. It was weird, though it was fun." I continued to look at the stars until he spoke up. "You don't talk about your mother much. Actually, you don't talk about her at all. For a second, I thought she had passed." I was shocked by the thought of my mothers absence. Sure, I never spoke about her because there weren't any good memories, to be honest. "It's fine if you don't want to speak about it." I looked at his face full of concern he was so patient with me, but I wanted him to know and trust me like I did him. "It's ok, it's just.....there isn't much to talk about, you know. She was there but not there. She was always focused on my older sister. She was the amazing daughter who could do no wrong. And I was simply the girl that lived in her house, or that's what it felt like. Sometimes, it felt like I didn't have a mom to begin with. To think I used to pray to have a mother that would be there for me. Then my sister went missing, and as much as I hate to say it, I was happy, for once I though she would pay attention to me, realizing she had two daughters but it only got worse. I was just there, and I hated myself for the fact that I was happy my sister was gone. I've always been jealous of her she is better in every way. That's so evil of me, but I was so fucking lonely. She is such a good person, and makes friends so easily and everyone likes her but me they look down on me. I'm nothing more then a spoiled bitch using her parents credit card to fill the void."

Before I noticed, I was full on sobbing in front of him. I broke down, secrets I've never told anyone in my life. I was afraid of what the world would think of me. He grabbed my shaking hands, kissing them slowly, whining, moving up to wipe my tears. "Your feelings are normal baby, you went your entire life playing second place because your mother is a terrible mother, no offense. A bit of a bitch you know. No secret there since she is Hwang Geum Joo." Hearing that part made me laugh. Until I sat there shocked he knew of my parent. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you." It was all I could say at the moment. He looked at me and pressed against my cheeks, letting me know it was ok. And he underdtood the urge to protect her even if she wanst good to me. Or cared for me, it seems."You are so amazing and kind and beautiful. She isn't better than you at all. I wish you could see the way I see you. You have lightened up my world as a whole. I was nothing but a cold, damaged asshole when I met you, then I realized no matter how my life pushes and kicks your ass its your choice to get back up. To keep going, you taught me that baby. All the drug business and shady stuff I do, you don't judge me at all. Sitting by my side supporting me no matter what I choose to do. When I was an orphan and Pavel took me in, trained me to become the person I am today, hit after hit. Missed meal after another, I prayed for a better life. You have provided that life." Hearing those words, my heart was swelled. I felt nothing but love for the first time someone chose me, loves me. I wasn't an option. I was a need. "I'm so glad you chose me or tseg." Hearing that, he laughing pulling me closer if that was possible. "I never liked tseg baby, she is a worker at my company that'd all. If anything, I had my eyes on you since you walked into the building." Similing in pure joy, I leaped forward, causing a groan to come of his mouth. Scared I hurt him, I tried to get up until he forced my hips back down. It was then I realized I hadn't hurt him. In fact, the moment u felt something hard poking me thigh, I blushed.

"How in the world did you get hard, sir?" He simply smiled at my words, moving me forward to the point where I was sitting directly on top of his hard on. My core pushed further into it slowly until he began grinding me against him. I couldn't help but moan. It all felt too good. "Have you seen my beautiful girlfriend sitting right on top of me in nothing but my shirt? If anything, it was difficult not to." Moans slipped from my mouth before I could let out a sarcastic response. Finally, I said the words I had been so afraid to ever tell anyone. "I love y-you." Hearing this, he sped up my hips against his, leaning in to capture my lips into a kiss. "I love you more, baby." We continued until we were left naked and bare before each other, and all the insecurities, abandonment issues, and pain left my mind. Leaving nothing but si-o. The night was a night to remember.

Stay tuned for chapter 3.

#stronggirlnamsoon x reader #strong girl nam soon #byeonwooseok x reader #ryu shi oh x reader #ryu shi oh

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bonzos-number-1-fan · 2 months

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TMAGP 11 Thoughts: Anchors Aweigh

We're finally back. Not much to say up top except it was a long wait.

Spoilers for episode 11, and light spoilers for TMA season 5, below the cut.

A very strong cold open to welcome us back. Celia doesn't just wake up in a strange location, she's got no memory of getting there, it's not her first time doing it, and she's looking for a character we've not yet been introduced to. Honestly there are a load of things this could be. If she's TMA's Celia it could be after effects of her time in the domain that stole her name. Or it's not after effects but the same effects now being re-triggered if she's in a universe with the same entity that did it. Or it's a side-effect of crossing between universes. Or the way she crossed between universes isn't how Anya Villette did it and she's actually occupying TMP's Lynne Hammond's body but not entirely suppressing Lynne in the process. Or Lynne has taken on Celia's memories and Celia never truly left TMA's universe at all. Lots of ways I can see that playing out.

The first office section is a bit of a recap of last episode with some banter more than it is anything substantive. However, Alice does think she's being followed which is probably something that'll come up later. I think the obvious thing to jump at here is that it's [Error]. It's not the first time we've seen someone dig through the Institute's soggy ruins only to come away with some paranoia though. It doesn't seem to be hitting her quite as hard as RedCanary but it certainly mirrors their reaction. Either way I think this could easily be a RedHerring and [Error] has nothing to do with it and it's just TMI magic.

For a small thing during that interaction there is another "lie detector" audio distortion. I'm not sure I've been mentioning all of these in these posts but when Alice says "Hm? Nah, it’s nothing." there is a distortion afterwards. Likely because such distortions signify lies. This exactly a new observation but I can't remember if I'm making an effort to note when they happen.

So for the first case back it's a pretty chill one all in all. Some spooky happenings where nothing major really happens but does contain a good bit of world building.

So for some general musings in order. First off Alison Leshi's email address is G.Leshi instead of A.Leshi. It's not likely important as there isn't a Leshi in CHDB (see masterdoc link below), so it's probably nothing. Could just be some subtle trans rep but I figure it could somehow come up later and so is worth a mention.l

Next up we've got our second mention of ink5oul. The "big snake tattoo" on their arm is pretty clearly the same as the "gorgeous floral serpent design" Daria mentions in episode 2. Daria also explains that ink5oul is a popular influencer and like most of those they try and throw that weight around here. They're a very big deal online don't you know. Something that I think is interesting, but maybe not intended, is that ink5oul's Instagram account is flagged with the alchemic symbol for salt and this case is deeply tied to the sea. That account might not be official but it's a nice connection if it is.

There are a couple of name drops that will likely prove pretty important. Oscar Jarrett is likely a character we'll meet later and as of right now the name is all we have. Sutherland Macdonald, on the other hand, is a very real person and given how TMA likes to use historic characters I have a feeling they'll be quite important. Macdonald was Britain's first professional tattoo artist. Insofar as he had a public business in which he tattooed people as his work. He was exceptionally talented, very popular, and highly sought-after. More than that though of his documented works serpent-motifs, both snakes and dragons, are very common. Given ink5oul's own, well, ink I'm pretty sure that's not a coincidence. Sutherland Macdonald could very well be another figure like Smirke. A real historic person with embellished and occult history for the show. Oscar Jarrett could be a protégé or rival of Sutherland, and tattoos might end up being the new Leitners.

There isn't much to dig in to beyond that but I will say I really enjoyed this episode. Excited to see where this all goes.

Back in the office we've got Gwen trauma, Celia trauma, and Lena being Lena. Which is all great stuff. Bonzo is likely hunting Klaus given that conversation too. That's the only figure Gwen has any real knowledge of and Lena obviously has some unresolved business there. The transcript sheds some additional light on the interactions here too as both times external is mentioned it's capitalised. Which does seem to imply it's an official position at the OIAR rather than something euphemistic. Mr. Bonzo getting more detail here is also great. It's another reinforcement that whatever he now is very much isn't how he started. "Green custard" getting a shout out is also very welcome. That's not so much a Mr. Blobby thing but people getting slimed was a big fixture of that era of children's TV in Britain.

Sam finally looking to cross reference these things is great to hear as well. I crave more data. Speaking of data, now it's time for the nerd shit.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Incident/CAT#R#DPHW Master Sheet

DPHW Theory: 5246 is pretty unremarkable and so I don't think I've got much to explain there. 4 is a little lower than I was expecting but not off by so much that I think something is wrong.

CAT# Theory: CAT23 sure is a category. I was hoping to have something solid by the time the break was over. There are enough outliers in every theory I've seen to pretty confidently think no one is on the right track with this or some people are but the data we have is faulty. Which to be fair we know is the case. It's just about which parts of the data should we be ignoring.

R# Theory: C fits in perfectly with my theory. Not much to say on that one.

Header talk: Tattoo (corpse) -/- compulsion is mostly interesting because of how it creates problems with Daria's case. If Tattoo is a section that would strongly imply that Daria's case should have been Tattoo rather than Transformation. But that one did also show up on Klaus which implies that it's correct. Just a weird section in general. The subsection is about the sort of mess you'd expect at this point. The crosslink is also just a crosslink.

#the magnus protocol #tmagp #tmagp theory #tmagp speculation #klaus = kl4-u5

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anarchistfrogposting · 1 year

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Genuine question. How does an anarchist state deal with people who want to kill for fun? Do we just let them, because to have rules is to oppose ever single anarchist value, or do we stop them because true anarchism like that would be the death of humanity?

It’s a question that anarchists get a lot. I’ll say first and foremost that, like any other field I personally am not involved in the organisation of, public safety is better left to professionals who understand its machinations (and hence how to deconstruct its inherent hierarchies) better than myself (and no, I don’t mean the police).

I’ll also posit that anarchist society is absolutely not founded on the concept of an absence of rules, just an absence of hierarchical (as opposed to self-) government. I don’t blame you for thinking that; it’s a very common perception of anarchism, especially considering the associations people tend to form with the word anarchism and anarchy in modern lexicon.

It’s true that sometimes, somehow, people end up in a path of life wherein they would do something as heinous as kill for fun, or other various unjust reasons.

I’d first like to posit that such people and situations, whilst sensationalised, are in fact pretty rare.

But they might still exist, so what do we do about them? The first step, like in much anarchist praxis, is to shift perceptions and culture. Whilst it’s true that humans love gossip, I would also posit that much of the culture around serial murders and the like exists because media companies exaggerate and glamorise murder in order to grab clicks/interactions/readers. This is most stark, for example, in the cycle of American gun violence.

Familial units would be significantly less isolated as a result of their integration into their communities, meaning the cycles and chains of domestic abuse that often lead to the proliferation of those violent tendencies would be much less common. It’s worth remembering that capitalism’s rise came hand in hand with the breakdown in communities; that it had to in order to succeed.

But let’s say the revolution has happened, culture has shifted and yet there’s still mass and serial murderers out and about. What do we do about it?

Community self government also means community self defence. On a voluntary basis, that means that communities can set up security measures like communal watches, (extensively trained, cyclically employable and imminently accountable and recallable) guards, and even detainment revolving around the attempted reformation and treatment of those individuals.

Fundamentally, detainment exists as a means to reform individuals, and the workers in those facilities would all receive training and all be fully accountable and recallable to and by their communities. Accountability measures include enforcing transparency and setting up dual power that includes the prisoners themselves, the communities concerned with those facilities, and the staff volunteering in it.

This approach is contentious, and different anarchists have different opinions on the most effective strategies. A great example of a leading prison abolitionist is Angela Davis, if you’re interested in learning more about systems of justice outside of imprisonment.

Keep sending in your questions! I’ll do my best to answer (as long as you’re asking in good faith!) no (genuine) question is too silly.

#anarchism #anarchist #anarchocommunism #praxis #revolution #communism #communist #leftism #leftist #prison abolition #prison abolitionism #explanations #text posts #short essays #q & a

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theladyrebecca2 · 6 months

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It's human nature to gain or lose hope when you see Netflix socials promoting Byler or Midleven, but we've gotta pull back the curtain to see the full picture.

First, always remind yourself that the Stranger Things team and Netflix are completely separate entities. Netflix is the vehicle the ST team are driving their story on, but they're not the same people who actually create it. They get little to no say in what the ST writers write.

I say 'little' because the bones of each season will have been greenlit by select Netflix higher-ups (with NDA's signed). But if the Stranger Things team want Storyline A, and Netflix were to say no, what about Storyline B? Then the ST team are absolutely capable of standing their ground and not moving. Perhaps some compromises can be made, but the final say will be down to how stubborn the ST writers can be. This was made apparent by the Duffer Brothers’ open stance on the writing and acting strikes, which directly opposed Netflix. It mattered to them that in the future, writers will continue to have control over their work. That Netflix can't just weasel out of their contracts with shows and write their own endings with AI. Right now, Netflix provide funding, connections, and a platform to host stories on. The ST team provide their content, the original idea, the heart and soul. It's a mutually beneficial relationship.

When it comes to promoting stuff on social media, we have several teams working separately. This leads to exchanges like this from the Netflix Tudum event:

This is two completely different social media teams interacting with each other. Most important to remember though - right now, the Netflix social media team won't know anything about Season 5. The earliest they may be told anything important will be at the start of the Season 5 promotional campaigns, but even then, it's not a given. NDA's will be in effect at Netflix right up until the bitter end. The social media people will be working in tandem with the marketing team, all of them given set content or working under guidelines when told what they can promote/ talk about.

Secondly, they're just ordinary people doing their job. When it comes to liking comments or replying to them, it will all differ depending on which person happens to be logged into the Netflix account at that time.

For ST5, it looks like Dana and Chris are two Senior Social Media Managers at Netflix US:

But look at all the related connections, and you begin to realise just how many people make up these social media teams (and marketing, which is related). And remember, this is just Netflix US - not the ST team.

So just think about how each person has their own opinions, has their own views on the show. How many of these people might ship Byler? How many ship Midleven? I bet they have their own interpersonal work politics behind the scenes, hoping their idealised ending is the right one.

My point is, there's no point freaking out about this occuring underneath Netflix US's recent post about ST S5:

All this shows is that we have a Midleven shipper in the social media team. After Season 4, a lot of people got excited at this:

But again, all this indicates is that we also have a potential Byler shipper in the Netflix UK team. It's just as pointless getting happy and excited about pro-Byler stuff on there, as it is to get worried or upset about pro-Midleven stuff.

#the Netflix marketing content such as the couples costume thing is almost as pointless #I say almost because I DO think active marketing outside of social media means the content they're being given to promote includes #the will and mike pairing #so that definitely strays into queerbait territory #but for S5 endgames the only social media accounts we should pay any attention to is the strangerthingswriters account #and accounts connected to the ST team NOT the Netflix team #it's just about audience engagement for them #the only thing we can do is continue liking/supporting pro-Byler comments on there when we see them #byler #< target audience

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imzadi-caskett-huddy · 4 months

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Hell Hath No Fury Chapter 3

Once again, I really cannot express how overwhelming the response to this very unplanned story has been. Thank you to everyone who has read and reviewed. I really try to thank each person who reviews personally, but those of you who review as a guest or without an email account attached, I can’t thank…but I appreciate all of your reviews and the fact you took the time to read this story!

I know you all have been waiting for this chapter, but I needed to rewatch “Knockout” and “Rise” again before I felt I could do this chapter justice, because I didn’t want to mess something up. And I was close enough in my season 3 rewatch that I was almost there, so I didn’t want to skip ahead (also, sorry…I did watch the LA episode a couple of times…it’s one of my favorites, so it delayed me a little).

More than one person has expressed interest in seeing Castle’s dad help Beckett find the shooter…and I’m going to sit the record straight here. He will not be a part of this story. I’m sorry to those of you who really wanted to see that interaction, but I’m not doing it here. His father was not a part of the show this early on, and I’d like to keep it that way here. Plus the shooting took place because of Beckett’s mother’s case; she was the target. There wouldn’t have been a shooting if not for that, so I don’t see a reason to bring him into the story.

Now that I’ve had my morning therapeutic cry…thank you Stana for that…I know you guys are all waiting for Castle and Beckett to see each other. I really hope it lives up to your expectations. So here we go…and I still don’t own Castle…or the characters…unfortunately.

xxxxx

Beckett had been in a hurry to get to the hospital to see him, but now that she was there, walking through the doors that led to the ICU, her pace had slowed; she suddenly realized she didn’t know what she was even going to say. She knew she would have to say something…staring was creepy. But what was she supposed to say to the man who saved her life, who had taken the bullet meant for her? She paused outside his door for one more moment before putting her hands in the pockets of her black leather jacket, effectively tugging it tighter around her.

Stepping inside the room silently, she offered him a smile. “Hey,” was the only word that she was able to get out right then. Seeing him alive, awake sent a small wave of relief through her. For the first time since the shooting she began to believe that maybe he really would be okay.

“Hey,” he replied, still offering her a small smile despite his discomfort.

Martha looked between the two and noticed the tension. She stood then, nudging Alexis gently. “Come on, Alexis. Why don’t we go home and get some real dinner and a hot shower?” she suggested to the girl.

“But I want to stay!” Alexis tried to protest.

“Nonsense. Your father is awake and doing well now. We both need to clean up, and I am not ashamed to say that my days of being able to sleep in contorted positions in chairs are far behind me,” Martha replied.

“Grams is right, Alexis. Go home and rest up. I’ll be fine, and you can come back tomorrow after school,” Castle told his daughter, his voice sounding tired, weak, more hollow than his normal excited exuberance.

“Fine. But you better do what the doctors tell you,” Alexis warned her father.

“Scout’s honor,” he offered his daughter the best smile he could muster.

Alexis simply rolled her eyes. “You were never a scout.”

Beckett couldn’t help but crack a smile at that, looking down at her feet as she remembered their first case together when he’d tried the same line on her, and she’d bought it. “Don’t worry, Alexis. I’ll make sure your dad follows doctor’s orders,” she offered the girl a smile.

Alexis seemed to accept that. She did know the detective cared about her father very much and was more than capable of keeping him in line.

“There, now you see? It’s settled. Richard, I expect you to be a good patient. We’ll come back and see you tomorrow,” she told her son, giving his cheek a soft kiss. “Katherine, he’s all yours. Good luck,” she said simply, knowing her son was not the best patient.

“Night Dad,” Alexis kissed her father’s cheek as well. She started to go out of the room, but turned back to Beckett. “Call if he’s not listening.”

“Oh, I’m pretty sure I won’t have a problem,” Beckett replied to the girl. Once the door had closed behind both redheads, she turned back to Castle and really studied him. He was pale, obviously in discomfort; the way his voice had sounded when he spoke was not like she was used to hearing from him at all. She couldn’t help the fresh waves of guilt that washed over her. She had so many things to say to him…so many things that they needed to talk about…but she wasn’t sure what to say to him; and it seemed like for once, he wasn’t sure what to say to her either.

“How are you doing?” Beckett finally asked him softly. She figured that was a relatively safe topic.

Castle shrugged slightly, wincing at the motion. “The doctor said he still wants to monitor me for some things in the next 24 hours. But as long as I don’t set off any alarms, they should move

me down to a regular room tomorrow afternoon,” he answered, studying her every bit as much as she’d been studying him, trying to gauge what she was feeling, what she was thinking. They’d had the huge fight where she’d said they were over, but then Montgomery had sacrificed himself for her, then with the funeral and the shooting, they hadn’t had a chance to talk at all.

Nodding, she was silent again for a moment before taking a step closer to his beside. Her fingers wanted to take his hand, but her brain stopped them. “Thank you…for saving my life,” she murmured softly, meeting his eyes for the first time since she’d entered the room and doing her best to mask her emotions from showing in her own.

“That’s what partners do, right?” he replied. He did shift his hand to take hers then, the pain medicine he was on making him a little braver than normal. He figured she wouldn’t pull away from the touch anyway; she had taken his hand before in moments of comfort.

“Is that what we are? Partners?” she softly repeated the words from their earlier argument. “Just try not to make a habit out of getting shot, ok?” she tried to joke…deflect and lighten the mood the way he effortlessly did so often, but it fell flat on her lips. Why was she so bad at this; why was this so hard? She was a very articulate woman, so why couldn’t she just communicate how she was feeling?

He gently squeezed her hand, sensing she had more to say and hoping that if he waited her out a little, she might continue. He was slightly rewarded for his patience when she stuck out her foot and hooked it around the chair leg to scoot it closer to the bed so that she could sit next to him without having to release his hand. That was positive at least.

She looked at their joined hands for a moment, trying to find the words to say. “I’m really glad you’re okay, Castle…” she started, pausing then and swallowing hard. She needed to get through this; she felt like after everything that had happened between them, everything that had been spoken…and unspoken… between them, she owed him at least this much. “I was so worried…if you hadn’t made it…” she tried again, feeling a few tears stinging her eyes and she did her best to blink them away.

“Kate…” he interrupted her softly. “I’m okay. I’m right here.”

She looked at him then, no longer able to hide the emotions in her eyes. “I watched you die in that ambulance, Rick. And for a minute, my heart stopped too,” she admitted, her voice laced with emotion that she usually held back.

He wasn’t sure what to make of her confession, and wondered for a moment if the medication floating through his system was making him read more into it than what she might really be trying to tell him.

“It was like that night my mother was murdered all over again, only worse…because that bullet was meant for me.”

He realized then maybe it really was the medication after all, because what she was saying right now seemed to be coming more from a place of guilt than what he had hoped had been her feelings for him.

She got quiet then, bringing her free hand up to wipe a stray tear from her cheek. “Why the hell would you think you should take a bullet for me?”

He wasn’t sure how to answer that question; well, he knew the answer, but he wasn’t sure how receptive she’d be to it. “To be fair, I was only trying to save you, not actually take the bullet for you…” he tried to lighten the mood a little.

“I’m serious, Rick.”

There she was using his first name again. “Because…” he started, swallowing hard then. “Because you’re my partner. I’m supposed to have your back,” he chickened out of telling her the real reason. This wasn’t the place for that conversation. Besides, she had a boyfriend, he reminded himself. Not that he particularly cared about Josh or his feelings, but he knew she wasn’t a cheater, and he wouldn’t intentionally put her in that position.

She remained silent for a moment then, looking back to their hands. Apparently he was no more ready to jump than she was. Maybe that was a good thing; maybe they both needed to get through this whole situation before they could jump. She knew, though…both of them knew, really…that the feelings for each other were deeper than friendship at this point, or even partnership. But they weren’t ready…certainly the hospital was not the place for the conversation. For now…for now, this would have to be enough.

“I hear I have Motorcycle Boy to thank for saving my life,” he commented then, changing the subject. “Tell him thanks.”

She stiffened slightly at the mention of Josh. “I did,” she answered, unable to look at him for a moment. She really should tell him. “But Josh and I…we aren’t…we broke up...” she trailed off. Why couldn’t she just find the right words to say? Why was talking to him like this so hard?

“Oh.” He didn’t know what else to say; the fact that she was no longer with the doctor was surprising. She’d seemed to like him enough; the last time they’d really brought him up, she was ready to try to make their relationship work. And he was certainly around enough now��he saw the two together all the time, and it had hurt thinking they might be becoming more serious. “I’m sorry,” he felt the need to say. He wasn’t sorry that Josh was gone…but he was sorry if she was hurt by it.

She finally looked at him again. “Don’t be,” she said softly. “I wasn’t being fair to him," she started. "I really, really liked him…but that wasn’t enough anymore. Our relationship just wasn’t what either of us wanted it to be…and someone told me I have a habit of staying in relationships with men I don’t love,” she added quietly, her words leaving a lot unspoken.

Her words surprised him; she’d actually listened, and acted based on what he’d said. Though part of him did wonder if they would be having this conversation had he not been shot. “Really? Sounds like a smart person…a genius, really,” he smirked slightly, trying to lighten the mood.

His attempt to get her to smile succeeded; she couldn’t hide the slight grin as she rolled her eyes. “A genius, huh?”

He nodded. “It’s true.”

Shaking her head, she let her fingers gently play with his. “Not a genius…just someone who really knows me,” she gave him an almost shy smile then, letting her words hopefully heal some of what had been said in anger during their fight when she’d told him that he didn’t know her. He did know her…better than anyone, she’d realized. She was just used to keeping everyone at arms length; the fact that someone got that close to her had made her panic.

He returned her smile. “Still…he sounds like a smart man. And brave…you’re scary when you’re angry,” he joked.

She gave a soft laugh at that. “He is,” she met his eyes. After a few moments of silently gazing in his eyes, she took a deep breath and released it slowly, finally looking away from him. “You should rest. I’m sure you’re tired,” she realized then.

“Yeah,” he admitted, shifting slightly in his bed. “You should go home,” he added. When she stood, he squeezed her hand. “I mean home as in your apartment. Not the precinct.”

She stood still for a moment, no longer surprised that he knew exactly what she was most likely planning to do. “Castle, I need to see if the boys found anything.”

“You can check that tomorrow.” He knew she’d be working the case; it was connected to her mother. The shooter had been after her. He knew there was no way of getting her to back down now.

“Castle, I’m fine,” she insisted, trying to reassure him.

“Kate…” he started, but stopped when she pulled her hand away from his.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, Castle,” she stated, and with one last smile in his direction, she left.

He sighed in frustration. She was the most maddening, infuriating, stubborn woman he had ever met.

xxxxx

“Tell me you found something,” Beckett stated as she passed Esposito’s desk on the way to hers. Tossing her jacket on the back of the chair, she perched on the edge of her desk, giving the murder board her full attention.

“How’s Castle?” Ryan asked.

“Awake,” she answered simply.

“Did you ask him if he remembers anything?” Esposito came to perch on the edge of Beckett’s desk next to her in a stance usually adopted by Castle.

She shook her head. “No. He just woke up; I didn’t want to ask for details yet. I’ll go back tomorrow after he’s had a chance to rest and process what happened.”

“Yeah, well, something had to have tipped him off to tackle you the way he did,” Esposito pointed out.

“Hopefully he saw something, but the way the shooter has been able to cover his tracks and just disappear, I’m not going to hold my breath,” she leaned back slightly on her hands as she worked her way through the evidence once more. “There has to be something we’re missing; someone had to have seen something. The shooter had to have left some kind of DNA behind…some lead for me to follow.”

Esposito shook his head. “Not necessarily. If the guy is former special forces, he’s going to know how to become a ghost. It’s part of the training.”

She knew he was right. She’d been a cop long enough to know that professional hits were the hardest to track down; as good as she was, even she couldn’t run down a lead if there was nothing for her to run with. “Then we have to draw the ghost out of the shadows.”

Ryan approached the two then. “How do you draw out someone who doesn’t want to be found?”

“By giving him what he wants,” she stated simply. When the two men exchanged questioning glances and looked back at her, she continued. “Me.”

xxxxx

Thanks again to everyone who reads and reviews. I love hearing all your feedback and comments. I hope you all continue to enjoy the story!

#castle #caskett #kate beckett #richard castle #castle fanfiction

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41319kbex · 4 months

Text

Hell Hath No Fury (3/?)

xxxxx

“Hey,” he replied, still offering her a small smile despite his discomfort.

“But I want to stay!” Alexis tried to protest.

“Fine. But you better do what the doctors tell you,” Alexis warned her father.

“Scout’s honor,” he offered his daughter the best smile he could muster.

Alexis simply rolled her eyes. “You were never a scout.”

Alexis seemed to accept that. She did know the detective cared about her father very much and was more than capable of keeping him in line.

“Night Dad,” Alexis kissed her father’s cheek as well. She started to go out of the room, but turned back to Beckett. “Call if he’s not listening.”

“How are you doing?” Beckett finally asked him softly. She figured that was a relatively safe topic.

Castle shrugged slightly, wincing at the motion. “The doctor said he still wants to monitor me for some things in the next 24 hours. But as long as I don’t set off any alarms, they should move

“Kate…” he interrupted her softly. “I’m okay. I’m right here.”

“It was like that night my mother was murdered all over again, only worse…because that bullet was meant for me.”

She got quiet then, bringing her free hand up to wipe a stray tear from her cheek. “Why the hell would you think you should take a bullet for me?”

“I’m serious, Rick.”

“I hear I have Motorcycle Boy to thank for saving my life,” he commented then, changing the subject. “Tell him thanks.”

“Oh.” He didn’t know what else to say; the fact that she was no longer with the doctor was surprising. She’d seemed to like him enough; the last time they’d really brought him up, she was ready to try to make their relationship work. And he was certainly around enough now…he saw the two together all the time, and it had hurt thinking they might be becoming more serious. “I’m sorry,” he felt the need to say. He wasn’t sorry that Josh was gone…but he was sorry if she was hurt by it.

His attempt to get her to smile succeeded; she couldn’t hide the slight grin as she rolled her eyes. “A genius, huh?”

He nodded. “It’s true.”

He returned her smile. “Still…he sounds like a smart man. And brave…you’re scary when you’re angry,” he joked.

“Yeah,” he admitted, shifting slightly in his bed. “You should go home,” he added. When she stood, he squeezed her hand. “I mean home as in your apartment. Not the precinct.”

She stood still for a moment, no longer surprised that he knew exactly what she was most likely planning to do. “Castle, I need to see if the boys found anything.”

“You can check that tomorrow.” He knew she’d be working the case; it was connected to her mother. The shooter had been after her. He knew there was no way of getting her to back down now.

“Castle, I’m fine,” she insisted, trying to reassure him.

“Kate…” he started, but stopped when she pulled her hand away from his.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, Castle,” she stated, and with one last smile in his direction, she left.

He sighed in frustration. She was the most maddening, infuriating, stubborn woman he had ever met.

xxxxx

“How’s Castle?” Ryan asked.

“Awake,” she answered simply.

“Did you ask him if he remembers anything?” Esposito came to perch on the edge of Beckett’s desk next to her in a stance usually adopted by Castle.

She shook her head. “No. He just woke up; I didn’t want to ask for details yet. I’ll go back tomorrow after he’s had a chance to rest and process what happened.”

“Yeah, well, something had to have tipped him off to tackle you the way he did,” Esposito pointed out.

Esposito shook his head. “Not necessarily. If the guy is former special forces, he’s going to know how to become a ghost. It’s part of the training.”

Ryan approached the two then. “How do you draw out someone who doesn’t want to be found?”

“By giving him what he wants,” she stated simply. When the two men exchanged questioning glances and looked back at her, she continued. “Me.”

xxxxx

Thanks again to everyone who reads and reviews. I love hearing all your feedback and comments. I hope you all continue to enjoy the story!

#caskett #castle #kate beckett #beckett #caskett fanfiction #castle fanfiction #richard castle

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mooncheese3 · 1 year

Note

Hihi!!! I was wondering if you have an ao3 account? Whether you write or not, it would be nice to see what kind of bookmarks you have!

(Does that sound creepy,, sorry if it does, I guess I mean I've been in need of recommendations? I'm sorry if this is bothering you!!)

helloooo :DD i do but none of my bookmarks are public :')) THOUGH i willl be linking some of them below

and its not creepy or bothersome at all!! promise（‐＾▽＾‐）

He was a skater boy, he said "See you later, boy" by KiwisMaybe

liujiu, ballerina!sj and skater!lqg, made me lose my mind

Vision of Happiness by GT_GoldenTrashbag

liujiu, sad sj, ambiguous/open ending, cried a wee bit. just a bit🤏.

And you got in my way (And now I believe in fate) by PharoahZeth

liujiu, mamajiu, omegaverse, mature themes because of qjl and the fcked up things he did, sy is sj's kid, i think¿ teen parent sj. premise and story made my heart ache, which is always welcome

Won't You Help Me? (Be On My Way) by zyplline

IDK HOW TO EXPLAIN IT IN SHORT WORDS BUT ITS SO. COOL. ITS LIKE. the shizun of sj's shizun's shizun. like it starts with the earlier generation of peaklords in the first chap, going from generation to generation until we reach sqq's gen. and sy is in it and hes a shizun and theres this whole butterfly effect thing that i just love exploring in general and this whole reincarnation past lives thing and its just. chefs kiss. literal chefs kiss. trust me on this one ok ʘ‿ʘ

United by madwriter223

liujiu ANGST. arranged marriage, disciple days. it just tickles the emotion side of my brain rRAWHG

"Crossdressing" by embercookie

qqq x sj!sqq, omegaverse. listen. this is the fic that got me into the ship. gnashes teeth

The Father-In-Law is Unkowingly the Bride? I Must Train Hard to Become the Best Husband! by munyusz

bingjiu, nyy is so so cool here i freaking love her, time travel fix-it, cannot get enough of this

on second thought (spite and bitterness) by AMereDream

sj!sqq and his girly(-ies¿ i dont remember well), becoming a better person out of spite (<- one of the tags; so true shizunᕙ(`▽´)ᕗ), i am in serious need of sj & brothel ladies interactions

There is ruin and decay (--In the house on the Hill) by llamallamaduck

sj & the sannin(naruto), MAKES ME FERAL, SO GOOD, SO SHOWSTOPPING, SO—

#sv fic recs #hear me out naruto x sv crossover where tsunade saves sj and he just ends up sticking with her #these fics make me want to bite something #in a good way!

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wordsbyhisheart · 26 days

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Assalamoalaikum, I read your blog and find you to be very wise and experienced, your words are so delicately gathered.

Do you have any advice on how to navigate attention from the opposite gender without being rude ?

I am 19 F and in school and out and about I have encountered boys who like me. When I was younger and more immature I didn't know how to deal with it so I was rude in my rejection yet I felt bad for behaving in such a way as I was aware this is unlike the person I want to be.

Later on and recently, I have been more respectful and kind to those around me but it has resulted in boys developing feelings on me and confessing them to me.

I hate this problem as I know whatever Allah SWT gave you is what he is going to test you with and what you will have to account for. If Allah swt created me in a way where those around me find attarctive, I am simply being tested and it has nothing to do with me.

Do you have any suggestions on how to reject in a way which doesn't hurt the other or better even how to avoid this in the first place?

Wasalam.

‎السلام عليكم

I truly appreciate your kind words; they mean a lot to me! Thank you ☺️

Regarding your query, I do have some advice on that topic.

Navigating attention from the opposite gender in a respectful and Islamic manner can be challenging, especially in a school environment where interactions are frequent and often unavoidable.

In educational or professional settings, it's nearly impossible to avoid interactions with individuals of the opposite gender. To entirely sidestep these interactions would require not being in such environments at all. This doesn't imply these environments are negative, but rather highlights the inevitability of cross-gender interactions within them.

Here are some suggestions to handle such situations effectively:

1. Understand and Embrace Islamic Principles:

Islam provides clear guidelines on interactions between genders. The principles of modesty, lowering the gaze, and avoiding unnecessary interactions are emphasized in the Qur'an and Hadith.

2. Maintain Modesty and Professionalism:

Dress modestly and behave in a way that aligns with Islamic teachings. This may include wearing a niqab to cover your Face if you don’t already.

3. Set Clear Boundaries:

Be polite yet firm in setting boundaries. If someone expresses their feelings, respond kindly but clearly, indicating that you are not interested in pursuing any romantic relationship.

4. Dua:

Pray to Allah ﷻ for guidance and strength to handle these situations with wisdom and patience. Ask for His help in maintaining your modesty and staying true to your values.

5. Avoiding Unwanted Interactions:

- Consistent Behaviour: Be consistent in how you interact with everyone. Be clear and direct.

- Group Interactions: Spend more time with like-minded female friends.

- Avoid Eye Contact: Minimize eye contact with the opposite gender.

Practical Example of Polite Rejection:

When rejecting someone's feelings, it's important to be gentle yet clear. Here is an example of how to do so:

"No thank you, I’m not interested in pursuing any relationship." This short and direct response makes your answer clear while keeping the interaction brief and respectful.

Remember that maintaining your Islamic values and being respectful can coexist. Your goal is to embody the character of a good Muslim, which includes kindness, modesty, and clarity in interactions. By setting clear boundaries and being consistent in your behavior, you can navigate these situations effectively without being rude or causing unnecessary hurt.

If your intention is to handle these situations in a way that pleases Allah ﷻ, He will surely assist you and provide you with the strength and wisdom needed.

Remember, many men are driven by their ego and arrogance. The weakest thing on the planet is a man’s ego, and it’s easily hurt.

Always remember that your intention (niyyah) is crucial. As long as you know in your heart that you are doing this for the sake of Allah ﷻ and have good intentions, don’t worry too much about setting clear and firm boundaries.

Do not “hate the problem”; it’s not a problem but a test. Tests from Allah ﷻ come in many forms, and every test is to increase you in patience, faith and love for Islam.

Lastly, strive to be like Hazrat Sayyidah Fatimah Az-Zahra رضي الله عنها. Read the biography and lifestyle, study the way she lived. You’ll definitely be inspired to live a life closer to Allah ﷻ

I hope this helps you with your situation, if not, do let me know with any specifics or any questions you may have! May Allah ﷻ keep you steadfast in your Deen آمین ثم آمین

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the-bjd-community-confess · 1 year

Text

Hello, Oldie Chinese Diaspora Anon™️ here. I have to say, I was really surprised with the response to my last post – thank you for all the responses! And thank you for the questions as well. As I’ve always said, I really appreciate the questions. I hope you will find the answers adequate, too.

Q: “I thought the social credit system was mostly about crime and financial metrics? why would the government care about what’s going on in the bjd hobby?”

A: R-vv has it right! The Government doesn’t really care about BJDs. It cares about people’s aggregate behaviour, both online and in person. However, since you need your real information (name/age/address/etc.) in order to apply for an online account (of any kind), it’s easy to link the two. After that, anything you post online can be linked to you, there is no anonymity. The government, therefore, tracks online activity like the pulse of the nation. One’s online behaviour can lead to significant real-life consequences. For a more exaggerated example, you may remember how the popular fanfiction repository, Archive of Our Own, was completely shut out of China several years back. Most folks chalk it up to China activating its infamous Great Firewall and start clamouring about free speech and all, but the reality is nothing of the sorts. The reason why AO3 was shut out of China was due to rabid fan behaviour leading to large luxury brands dropping their Chinese spokesperson and losing a large amount of money (for more information, here: https://www.sixthtone.com/news/1005262/fan-fiction-site-blocked-in-china-after-celebs-stans-complain ). The reason why the government is interested in anything in specific is because of their social implication and financial impact. Simply put, China is a place that cannot stand social dissidence. It doesn’t matter why there was dissidence, dissidence simply cannot be tolerated.

Q: If that’s how their credit system works and it effects them that much and they hate recasts then why don’t they all just bully Luo into a lower social credit rating and stop his business from operating?

A: Well, you see… there’s a simple answer to this question that, and when broken down to its basic elements, can be rather silly. Without an interaction, you cannot contribute to someone’s social credit score – it can be something physical like an altercation, something systematic like the hiring or firing of a person, or it can be financial like a purchase. Since the Chinese doll circle detest Luo, they refuse to have anything to do with anything related to him. If there’s no interaction, there’s no way to contribute to the downfall of his social credit system. Besides, online bullying (like the AO3 example above) actually lowers the scores of all people who were involved, including the complaining stans (they are “rabble rousers” and a “mob”). It’s a lose-lose situation if anyone even attempts it in the first place.

Q: Social credit applies when you want to get a loan? / I know in US your personal finances and credit is separate from your company if you own an LLC. There must be some loophole he is using if it’s not affecting him.

A: Interestingly, Luo would have a pretty good social credit score – it has something to do with the marking scheme being based on what is “socially productive” for China. It’s only got tangential ties to morals. Luo’s factory has an annuals sales volume of $2.5 to 5 million USD, according to his own company profile (https://chinabjd.en.alibaba.com/company_profile.html ). This is on the background of a region where the yearly average income is $50,147RMB ($7035USD) per year (http://tjj.jiangxi.gov.cn/art/2022/6/2/art_38582_3982696.html ). He is considered one of the largest factories in the region, supporting not just the families of his workers but also both upstream and downstream manufacturers. Even if he needs a loan, it’d be more than easy to get one (Chinese people do not like leverage much when doing business, it’s considered highly risky behaviour – over-leveraging caused the housing market to crash in 2022.) One of the Tieba members from a previous link (this one: http://c.tieba.baidu.com/p/7792470874?pn=1 ) where a commentator mentioned that Luo’s factory is considered a “protected” business by the local government. Normal companies simply cannot compete.

Note 1: Online selling platforms such as Taobao and Xianyu are touted as being safer due to their customer service and protection policies. Therefore most doll owners strongly urge other (usually new) users to use a platform instead of sending money through transfer services such as Weixin or Zuan-zuan (think of them as F&F Paypal and Venmo). On these platforms, every transaction leaves a record. And if you have been blocked by another user, or you have a history of returns, complaints or bad ratings, these records will directly impact your social credit score. The system is set up for you to follow it and be voluntarily tracked because following the rules is considered “safer”.

Note 2: Just like what I said in the last post (https://the-bjd-community-confess.tumblr.com/post/707455091551109120/hello-oldie-chinese-diaspora-anon-here-where ), the Chinese boomers don’t share the same moral values as their children do (or their children’s children). The boomers in the government are more interested in keeping the nation docile and productive (read: keep earning foreign currency) than worrying about copyright. It’s a process that’s still happening today: https://lisamerriam.com/kfcs-success-in-china-breeds-imitators/ There has been changes to copyright law and better enforcement, but this should not be taken as a change of heart. There’s nothing like Chinese pragmatism – these changes are made to ensure that it can still attract outside investors without them running away in fear of imitators and other malicious competitors.

~Anonymous

#BJD #ABJD #BJD Confessions #Community Counterfeits #Recasters

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unnamed-atlas · 7 months

Text

Consistently amazed by Skizzleman's rise to popularity in the mcyt fandom over the last three years because of the life series considering the fact that several months before the first life series he got caught following a bunch of far right news sources

I'd like to immediately say that this is not me trying to cancel him or dredge up three year old drama I literally just find this particular case of internet drama and it's fallout (or lack there of) incredibly fucking interesting. Bc I assume most newer fans don't even know this happened, and I'd be completely unsurprised if most people who were there don't even remember it. Bc everything went down in the span of like 12 hours and there was effectively no fallout for it despite a complete lack of closure.

So, someone was looking through his following and spotted several far right channels, such as PragerU and Tim Pool. They posted something about it in the morning, not really a callout, just a 'hey man what's up with that?' type of post. Which was really the vibe the whole time, no one really was coming at it from an aggressive stand point, everyone was just kind of like 'hey dude why are you following these people and can you please confirm that your beliefs do not align with theirs?' Bc y’know the mcyt fandom space is full of queer people and neurodivergent people who would prefer to know their creators aren't bigoted.

And so people started asking him about it on twt and he did not respond. Instead he privated his following on every website. He never responded publicly.

In the mid afternoon another one of his followers made a post claiming they had spoken to him privately in DMs. They showed no screenshots but essentially claimed that he had said that he'd been following the accounts because he liked to have varied news sources and hadn't realized quite how extreme some of those channels reputations were. And that he did not want to talk about his politics publicly, but that he was not a bigot. That was it. And everyone just kind of accepted it. And stopped talking about it.

Half a day of confusion and it was over never to be discussed again despite the fact that none of the claims about his private response were ever substantiated and a public response never came.

And then 3rd Life started a few months later and he started growing in popularity. His followings were still private at this time because of this drama. Looking on his YouTube, it seems like they still are to this day.

I remember making a post at the time of 3rd Life about how wild it was that he was suddenly everywhere despite this whole occurrence. I remember getting a response from someone essentially saying, 'yeah that was weird but I think everyone just kind of decided since it was the only thing he'd ever done wrong it was probably fine and put him on thin ice' which. Yeah. Fair. That's kind of the whole thing about this event that sticks out to me. Everyone was so incredibly ready to just be like completely reasonable, if not even a little too lenient, about this whole situation.

There wasn't any harassment, there was no pressure for a public response after the one person claimed to have talked to him in private. Everyone just dropped it. The people who were offput enough by it to not want to interact with his content did just that, stopped interacting and moved on, never to bring this whole mess up again. And everyone else just kind of put him on thin-ice and moved on, again, never bringing it up again, and, I assume, eventually forgiving and forgetting when nothing like this ever came up again.

I assume it has to do with the size of his audience at the time, the fact that really the only eyes on him that weren't from his own personal following seemed to be Team ZIT fans. Because a fiasco like this with a youtuber of a bigger size would've been much messier and drawn on for much longer and probably would've ended with a lot more fallout. I wonder sometimes if this had come to light later, after the first few life series, when he had amassed a larger audience and a larger ensemble of eyes on him from adjacent creators' audiences, if he might've had a much worse experience, and would've experienced a larger fallout, and if this event would've been something that stuck more in the conscience of the fandom.

Idk something about this situation has always just fascinated me. I think about it everytime I see him on my dash, which has been increasingly often despite the fact that I've had his tag blocked since this event. Something about the speed at which things happened, the completely lack of response other than the overtly strange privating of who he follows which he has never reversed, the completely unsubstantiated claims of a private response taken as fact, the complete lack of staying power this fiasco had in the fandom space. It's just wild and I think it's a really interesting look at the way different communities handle situations like this.

#anyways it goes without saying that obviously this is not me trying to get people to harrass Skizz about this 3 years later #don't fucking do that obviously #i legitimately don't even care about the ethics of it all after all this time he's fine #but i find this whole situation so incredibly fascinating. such an interesting case study in group dynamics surrounding internet drama #a strange little occurance highlighting the inconsistencies in the ways audience attempt to hold online creator's accountable #it's about the social dynamics in fandom between fan and creator not the drama itself lol #long post

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pecanwriter · 7 months

Text

Very Uncool Love Story part 3 (MPREG, WG story)

Themes: M/M MPREG romance (low key slow burn) between a fat librarian and a disabled punk musician

Words: 2203

Part: 3/?

Their first date ended up a stroll by the river and a coffee at one of the Pier restaurants. Larry was surprised at how easy it was to talk to this person he only just met, but it really felt almost natural. Almost, because let's be honest, he was still an awkward nerd, but even that didn't seem to pose much of a problem around Oliver.

It was embarrassing to even thing about the way Oliver made him feel; he couldn’t remember if dating always felt like this, but he had a sneaking suspicion that it didn’t.

"Hello?" He put the phone on speaker with his elbow, hands completely covered in dish soap.

"Brother! You're cruel, why didn't you call me yesterday?! How was your date? Tell me everything!"

"We walked along the river and talked, and then we went to get coffee at the Pier. That's it, not much else happened…"

"Soo… Did you enjoy it, do you like him? Will you go out again?"

"I really enjoyed it. It was so easy to talk to him, I was surprised…"

"Oh my god, my brother is in love!"

"Stop it, Arianna! I'm not in love! But, I want to spend more time with him."

"How old is he?"

"He's twenty-eight."

"Oh my! Maybe it's not too late for me to dream of becoming an aunt!"

"ARIANNA!"

"What? I'm just saying! I had Jonas when I was thirty-seven, he still has time to pop out a few…"

"I'm hanging up."

"Larry...“

"Goodbye, sister."

"Hello?"

"Hey, Larry."

"Oliver!"

Oliver's laugh came out crackling through the receiver.

"Who were you expecting to hear calling from my number?"

"Er…"

Oliver snickered.

"So, listen. I really enjoyed that the other day."

"I'm glad you did! I mean to say, so did I…"

"Great, so listen, I’m kind of… in a band. It's nothing big, just a hobby with my friends. I thought maybe you would like to come to see us practice?"

"A rock band…?"

"Well, duh."

"Do you remember that I'm an uncool librarian?"

"Oh boohoo! I want you to come. And the band… They're my friends, they will not care if you're cool or a librarian, or whatever. Besides, the lead guitarist is an accountant. And the drummer, my brother-in-law, is disabled too. "Cool people" are not really what you imagine them to be, trust me. Or at least not the ones I hang out with."

"An accountant…?"

"Don't tell me accounting is any cooler than Library Sciences."

It was Larry's turn to laugh.

"What?"

"I never met a cool rocker who knew the proper name for Library Sciences."

Oliver was silent for a moment and Larry felt immediately sick with anxiety. What has he done this time?

"Okay, so tomorrow at six, The Hole in Tooting. Call me when you get there!"

Larry stared at his phone in bafflement. What the hell was his life becoming?

He looked at himself in the mirror critically. Larry made excessive efforts to not look like a fat, middle-aged librarian. The effect, however, was still a fat, middle-aged librarian, only in more subdued colours. He opted for a turtleneck instead of a collared shirt, even if he felt that it made him look older. On top of that, he wore his least librarian-esque blazer and grey chinos: he didn't have any black ones and even if he did, he felt like it would make him look more like a priest and less like a rocker.

The Hole seemed to be exactly what it advertised itself to be, Larry observed, staring at the ragged, old metal doors that were only halfway corroded, with the name of the club smeared on it in a chaotic, yet presumably artistic, hand.

He called Oliver.

"Hey, it's Larry, I'm here."

"You came! I didn't think you would, you sounded honestly terrified on the phone yesterday."

"You invited me, of course I came…."

"You're the cutest, Larry! Someone will get you in a minute."

"Someone?" He asked, feeling instant anxiety at the prospect of interacting with someone new.

Larry viciously fidgeted with his sleeves as the rusty door whined itself open. A slim man in his mid-thirties with a mop of light brown curls and eyes to match smiled at him with a smile that made him look ten years younger.

"Larry, I presume?" He clipped in an accent similar to Oliver’s.

"Y-yes, hello."

"Come on in then, yeah?"

Larry followed the brown mop inside as it bounced.

"So you and Oliver shaggin'?"

Larry sputtered.

"No! I mean… We're just… we went on a date but I'd never…"

"Easy, I'm just fucking with ya" the man snickered, he looked at Larry over his shoulder as they kept going down the dingy stairs. "You're a proper big lad aren't ye?"

"Uh…"

"I mean, you're tall, man! How does Oliver reach you? He's a bean."

Larry let out a surprised snort of laughter. A bean? He'd have to remember that one.

"Aaron, what are you doing to my guest?” Larry felt himself perk up at the clear sound of Oliver’s voice. “Hey.” Oliver said with a smile, reaching a hand out.

Larry took it as if to shake it but Oliver used that to pull himself close and hug Larry. Aaron was right, Larry thought, Oliver was really tiny. Larry shyly returned the hug, resting his chin on top of Oliver’s head just for a moment. “Well, well, did you dress up for me?” Oliver asked after he backed away to arms-length. Larry was about to be embarrassed upon the realisation Oliver just pressed himself against his flabby body until something else caught his attention. “Are you okay? You look tired…” He said before thinking. Oliver’s face had a greyish tint to it and there were heavy dark circles under his eyes that didn’t appear to be make-up. “You’re such a sweetheart, Larry! See how he worries about me?” Oliver said to Aaron.

Larry couldn’t help but notice that he didn’t reply to the question.

“Come, let me introduce you to the band!” Oliver said, pulling Larry’s hand. The basement they were in was rather spacious and the bare concrete walls were covered in intricate graffiti. There was an area with round old wooden tables and a bar. In the furthest corner of the room stood an elevated stage. Larry could see three people busy with setting up their instruments, two men and a woman. He mentally scolded himself, because for some reason he didn’t expect a woman in a rock band.

“Hey, guys!” Oliver waved, dragging Larry behind him. “Come meet Larry!”

The woman jumped off the stage, heading towards them. The dark-haired man did too and then waited, helping the last man get off the stage and hand him his crutch. Larry looked at the band that gathered before him. There was the dark-haired man, his long hair hanging around his face, his long sleeves rolled up to reveal heavy tattoos. He looked at Larry with a small smirk that made Larry instantly aware he was being analyzed. Not in a mischievous way, more like… Studied and filed for further examination. The other man was very classically handsome, with a mane of golden blonde hair and bright blue eyes. He was leaning heavily on a crutch and smiled at Larry when their eyes met. The woman was… Larry blinked. The woman looked exactly like Oliver would if he was a woman, only with a slightly darker complexion; the skin was more pinkish in tint and the hair was platinum gold rather than white. Just like Oliver, she was attractive but with sharp, severe edges that could be considered too sharp to be classically beautiful.

“You’re… Oliver’s sister?” He asked, locking gazes with pale blue eyes, also darker than Oliver’s.

“Well, well, Oliver told us you were smart!” She snickered but it quickly turned into a smile “Hey, I’m Ester, nice to meet you.” “Larry, it’s a pleasure.” They shook. “This here is my big oaf of a husband, Matti.” She gestured to the handsome blonde man who flashed Larry a cheeky smile. “And this is Kian.” “Pleasure.” Kian said, his brown eyes flashing with a smile “I’m the famed guitarist-accountant.” “Famed where?” Ester quipped. “Nice to meet you all." Larry said. "I'm excited to hear your band."

Oliver laughed, hugging Larry's arm through which his own was still entangled.

"See? He even lies adorably!"

Kian and Matti exchanged looks and Larry wondered what that was about.

"We're just playing covers, it's not much,” Oliver said, suddenly looking a bit bashful.

“I’m sure it’s great,” Larry said, not being able to stop himself from squeezing Oliver’s arm.

“Well, let’s get to it then, shall we?” Kian asked, slapping Matti’s back.

“Grab a seat at the bar, I’m sure Aaron will pour you something nice.” Oliver’s face contorted a bit and Larry felt suddenly really upset when he realised that Oliver wanted to wink, but he didn’t have enough control over his injured eye to actually succeed.

He watched Kian lift Oliver effortlessly to the stage and Larry felt irrationally jealous.

For some reason, Larry was shocked to see Oliver grab the microphone. Revealing his deeply seated sexism, he thought the sister would be the singer, but she grabbed the bass guitar instead. He didn’t have time to sufficiently prepare mentally before they started.

Oliver started singing and it was nice, surprisingly subdued and calm for a rock song, but it was nice.

But then, he really sang.

With his full voice. His clear, cold-as-ice tenor and Larry was simply shocked. Oliver had talent, there was no doubt about it. Larry was sure the rest of the band was great too, he couldn’t really tell. And neither did he really care, there was something on that stage he cared much more for than the instruments.

Larry remembered that they only played covers, but he wouldn’t be able to tell if he wasn’t told so. Oliver was so… Vibrant. That was what was so mesmerising about him, Larry realised. It seemed like everything had its saturation turned down to minus twenty while Oliver operated on at least plus thirty. When he sang, he really sang, as if he understood the song better than the author himself did. It made Larry yearn for something. Made him feel desperate to be this passionate about anything…

“So, did you like it?” Oliver asked, when an undetermined amount of time later he was sitting next to Larry at the bar. Larry found himself thrown into such deep melancholy by Oliver’s voice that he failed to notice when they stopped playing.

“Oliver…” Larry started, but realised he had no idea how to finish.

“What?” Oliver’s eyes widened comically. “That bad?”

“No! God, no! You’re… You’re a really good singer, Oliver. I really… I really liked it. A lot. I would love to come to an actual concert.”

“You don’t have to lie, I’ll still like you even if you hate my band.”

“I’m serious, Oli.” Possessed by the onslaught of emotions he just experience Larry grabbed Oliver’s small hand and clutched it tightly. “You’re fantastic.”

Oliver didn’t say anything, simply smiled at him and covered Larry’s hand with his free one.

“Thank you for coming, Larry, it means a lot to me.”

There was a moment of stillness when they just looked at each other and Larry could’ve sworn Oliver started to lean in, before Aaron clonked two drinks in front of them very, very loudly.

“Fuck you, Aaron!” Oli hollered throwing a beer coaster at the barman. “Let’s get out of here, I need some fresh air.”

“I think the air here might be fresher than above ground.” Larry noted, but nevertheless slid off his stool and helped Oliver get down, handing him his crutch and receiving a beautiful smile in return.

“They’re terrible for you.” Larry said, looking as Oliver pulled a cigarette from this pocket once they were back on the street. “We all have to die of something.” “You will have smokers breath.” Oliver cocked an eyebrow. He stood still for a moment, finally putting the cigarette away and reaching to bring a very surprised Larry closer. He grabbed his shoulders and almost forcefully dragged him down. Before Larry even had time to think, their lips met. He was enveloped in a cloud of fresh citrusy perfume and skinny leather-clad arms and with soft, warm lips pressed to his. He very shyly, very hesitantly, wrapped his arms around Oliver's tiny waist, bringing him closer and deepening the kiss.

They finally parted and Larry felt like he was about to pass out, but instead, he burst out laughing.

"What's funny?" Oliver said, defensively.

"Lipstick." Larry choked out, looking at Oliver's slightly more punk Joker impression. He fished out tissues from the depths of his pockets, wiping his own face and then gently holding Oliver's chin in one hand while cleaning his face with the other.

"Damn. I might need to change my lipstick." Oliver grimaced.

“Does that mean you’re going to kiss me again?” “It is included in my five-year plan, yes.” Oliver answered, completely deadpan.

Larry laughed again as they walked towards the Tube station, hands gently entangled.

PART ONE

PART TWO

#bhm #chubby boy #mpreg #mpregnancy #mpreg fiction #bhm fiction #mpreg writing

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