#the fumbling around is the point

[not-poignant]

Are Sebastian and Alex going to learn about bdsm and safe practices/negotiation? Or do they keep fumbling around and doing what they're doing?

Hi anon,

People who learn about BDSM don't necessarily practice safe practices or negotiation.

And there are elements of negotiation in this story! It's not a black and white 'they're not doing this in a paint-by-numbers sort of way and therefore it doesn't count' situation, y'know?

They are two characters in their mid-20s who live in a tiny town, one of those characters is dyslexic to the point that he can barely read, and the other's method of doing things has worked for him all his life (or so he thinks), they don't have any reason/s to learn about BDSM, and it's not likely that either of them ever will.

That also doesn't mean that they can't enjoy their kinky sex life.

There has been a lot of discussion already, and there will be more and more going forwards. It might not be at the level most people want, but Sebastian has certainly obtained consent (more than once), offered and then insisted on debriefs and post-sex discussion, explained to Alex how to communicate if he hates something, and made it clear that what he likes is unusual and sadistic in nature. It's also clear that Alex likes being pushed, i.e. - not being forced to give consent in every circumstance when someone can take control and give him what he wants anyway. That's actually pretty common in some people with a child abuse background who become people pleasers.

If you want negotiation + safe practices at a certain level, you'd have to completely remake Alex's character into someone who can magically be a functional, communicative, healthy human being, and he's not that. Alex is getting better at communicating (that's how we go this far in the story in the first place), but if you expect this story to end on Alex being a perfect human who can do Instagram-level kink negotiation, then no, this isn't the story you want, anon.

If you look deeper and don't expect cookie cutter kinds of dialogue, there has been ongoing negotiation in the story since the early chapters. When Alex makes it clear through physical response and then verbal that he doesn't like yelling, Sebastian stops yelling. When Sebastian makes it clear that he has complicated feelings about hiring his ex-school bully as a cleaner, Alex makes it clear that he doesn't share those complicated feelings, especially in light of the pay rate. Sebastian consenting to Alex being his cleaner makes it clear that those terms are acceptable to him.

When Alex tries to undervalue himself, Sebastian makes it clear that he's not comfortable paying someone less simply because they value themselves less. When Alex then takes that pay, it's a form of consent to Sebastian's attitudes. Their relationship has been an ongoing negotiation since the beginning, and that's how they've grown closer. If you're used to only looking for very obvious signs of negotiation, it might be easy to miss the non-verbal and subtle forms of negotiation that are happening.

For example, it might not seem like it, but Sebastian - many chapters ago now - talking about how he likes control in the bedroom and that turning Alex on long before they'd ever shared anything sexual together, is a form of communication. Alex learns he likes the idea of it without it ever been forced on him, and Sebastian wouldn't have that conversation with someone he didn't trust (for example, Alex in the beginning of the story). They had to have trust to have that conversation, Alex had to have trust to ask Sebastian questions about it in the oblique way he did, and they had to share a common comfortability have a conversation in that direction in the first place.

In A Stain that Won't Dissolve, these things don't look like a psychologist's version of: 'Okay, what do you want, and this is what I want, and here's where we meet in the middle' - a lot of life doesn't look like this (but if you want that, I've written that in Falling Falling Stars - it still has dubious consent though, lol). Both Alex and Sebastian have poor communication on their side, and it's a growth story for the two of them.

But no, I have no intention of Sebastian ever learning terms like 'subspace' or 'RACK' or anything like that. A lot of people in the world, especially prior to easy access to the internet, figured this stuff out on their own and many of them made it work even without the rigid or codified structures of the world of BDSM (and some of those people went on to invent the world of BDSM that we take for granted today).

It's the kinks that make you kinky, not the knowledge of an acronym or the world it engenders.

There's also no reason to think that Sebastian has access to a healthy education about BDSM there, it's not like Elliott was practicing much healthy BDSM in my other Stardew fic, The Wind that Cuts the Night, :D Elliott knew all about safe practices, negotiation, and BDSM, and chose to ignore a lot of the safe stuff over messing around more dangerously.

The fumbling around is the point, basically. Growing up is messy, and dubious consent is hot (for some of us), and there are many ways we communicate with the people around us, especially when it's two guys in a town the valourises machismo and stoicism over emotional openness, and one of those guys was beaten by his father over not being macho and strong enough which makes him exceptionally resistant to communicating clearly even about basic subjects and needs.

That's the part I actually really love about this story.

[qrichas]

btw! from twitter, some context from qforever and qcellbits convo

[jad3dbun26]

(is he stinky again?)

More Golfer and Zoologist, lol

[clickityweasel]

made and destroyed a friendship at work today

[gothicprep]

friend of my dad’s offered me a job that’s… really, really good. I’d be doubling my income if I accepted it basically. that’s a life changing amount of money.

but… I’m extremely not qualified for it. so I’d completely screw myself over if I’d accept it and get fired. this is really not the sort of decision I need to be weighing on my mind atm.

[secretlythatsme]

i really love dc x dp tbh but i hate how so many fics end up making the batfam dumb as shit. and i don't mean in a "loveable goof" kind of way but in a genuine "these people don't have the skills or intelligence to be heroes" kind of way. which is just antithetical to their entire thing

sometimes it's because the writer just genuinely doesn't know anything about the batfam or what they've been through so they come across as idiots. and other times it's because the writer is writing op ghost king danny or just generally op danny and they genuinely think he could outsmart or beat them. more often than not, it's a combination of the two.

it's just so sad. like not only is it disrespectul to the batfam, essentially getting rid of all the skills and experience they have just to prop up danny, but it also makes things a lot more boring imo. don't get me wrong, i don't mind the occasional "main character is super op" kind of story, but it's boring when like 70% of fics are like that and there's no real challenge or obstacle for him. part of why the show danny phantom was so fun was that it was exciting and chair gripping to see danny have to deal with his new ghost powers, figuring out how to deal with ghost attacks or vlad, and dealing with school and his parents on top of that.

but often, dc x dp fics just,, get rid of any challenge for him. sure batman is a skilled detective but danny will always be able to trick him! sure cass has been trained since birth to read people's body language but this random ghost teen knows how to conceal and control everything!! yeah damian has also been trained since birth to fight and kill but this random guy from the midwest who just started fighting in his teens is so much better!!! like, alright. it's fun every now and then but it sucks when so much of the dc x dp content is just people acting like the batfam are the worst vigilantes/detectives in the world.

and honestly i still feel this way even with the ghost king danny fics because how? he's never had to deal with people obsessively reading his body language or reading between the lines. he's had to deal with hiding stuff sure but his parents aren't the most observant people - their whole deal was being neglectful. even as a ghost king, why would he know how to outsmart, take advantage of, or beat the batfam in any capacity when he would still mostly deal with ghosts. it's a completely different skill set here - one that he likely wouldn't be prepared for. it'd be fine if they at least attempted to explain why danny would have those skills (like league danny aus) but most of them don't.

and i'm not saying danny couldn't do it at all, especially if it's a ghost king au, but i'm just tired of seeing the batfam constantly downplayed in these fics Just to make danny look better, smarter, stronger, etc. ik most people in the fandom are just danny fans but it really shows with how they treat, characterize, and shit on the dc characters just to prop danny up. it also serves to occasionally make danny look like an asshole when he intentionally messes with them and basically commits psychological torture for a goof.

[bearsbeetsbeskar]

lots of ppl are happy about the mando movie but I am over here like:

[perilegs]

i needed some coworkers to hear keekki's meow and the only place i had a video of it on hand was tumblr so i whipped out my keekki post and played it and one person saw my screen and i forgot to click it so it wouldnt display my username in the video player and. hm. now im scared.

[teleomancer]

.

[shouldhavebeenpersephone]

Goodluck with getting your giant fire lady

thank you your good luck wishes were in vain I fumbled her so bad and cried about it

[theodore-lasso]

So like certified bad day. My grandma died this morning and now I'm sick???? Bro come on

[littlekinng]

i hope everyone is real nicies to Tom and OCW and the rest of the crew during today’s event

[todayisafridaynight]

Kiryu's trying so hard to be a good dad for all of his kids while Kazama very clearly only favored Kiryu. Do I think this was an intentional writing decision? Probably not but it's interesting

intentional or not, its a good perspective and helps explain why kiryu Is Like That. especially if we want to look at the case of nishiki who was given too much power before he was ready to handle it (and around the same age as daigo too if not a little younger), kiryu wants to make sure daigo doesnt similarly crumble under that pressure that nishiki did. we know nishiki's death haunts him for at least five games after the fact- it's no wonder he's so hyperfocused on making sure it doesn't happen again

the problem lies in that, just like kazama to nishiki, kiryu was the reason why daigo got that much power in such a short amount of time anyway. we know he acknowledges this, which is probably why he tries so hard for the tojo despite wanting to distance himself from the yakuza world. kazama did the bare minimum- if anything- for nishiki. and while we know kiryu respected kazama immensely, i want to hope over the years he's realized that leaving a young man in a powerful position unprepared isn't a good idea, esp after mine rubbed salt in the wound and called him out for abandoning the tojo- ergo daigo, so now he especially feels like he has to make it up to him.

if he couldn't help nishiki, then the next best thing he can do is help someone he considers his son- as if trying to right the wrong kazama did and be a better father, whether he can admit or not to kazama failing to take care of nishiki

but the follow up problem to THAT is he's neglecting his other kids when he does go to help. it wouldnt be a problem if RGG remembered the ryudo family and they could watch the kids while he's gone or something, but since they don't we just have to assume haruka's unfortunately been left to act as big sister to all these kids, and THAT has undoubtedly bred a great burden of feeling responsible when she's only a kid. it's really unfortunate that while kiryu apologizes to daigo repeatedly, he never apologizes to haruka for leaving her alone and in charge so many times (i actually thought kiryu's letter in Y6 was supposed to go to haruka at first). it's made her feel as though she has to take care of everyone and she has to be the strong one for the family when kiryu's away, and because of that we get problems like Y5 and Y6

in all of this, and in a terrible twist of irony, in trying to prevent one of his loved ones from enduring a similar fate as nishiki, he's now jeopardizing his relationship with his other kids- he's now unintentionally putting haruka on the back burner because he's so traumatized over what happened to his brother. he might have prevented another nishiki situation, but haruka had to be collateral as a result

[lucalicatteart]

Poll adventure (paventure? lol) Day 5: read the small story tidbit below the poll for more details, OR just vote based on initial impression

(✦ see past poll results + further information HERE (link) ✦)

The winning option of yesterday's poll was that the adventurer should choose a suspicious egg as his gift ….

"He carefully plucks the egg from the gift pile, wrapping it in spare fabric and tucking it away inside a small wooden box within his backpack for safety. Not really wanting to stick around and get accidentally pulled into scary underground tunnels or something, he shakily bids the Well Creature farewell, and continues on through the forest, just following whatever he can find that looks vaguely like a path.. He makes an occasional stop to pick up a cool rock, harvest berries, or let the cat play in the grass, but mostly just wanders aimlessly, lost in daydreams and contemplations of how his New Fun Life Of Spontaneous Adventure is going so far......

Eventually, the forest tapers off into a more open area of land, hosting what seems like a humble little village. By this point, it's nearly nightfall, which reminds him that he's actually quite afraid of the dark, so he scrambles about town for a moment until finally finding the local Inn. After nervously stumbling inside, he rents the cheapest room available, then sits alone, snacking on some free leftover food scraps and plain water. It's been a tiring day, but in the spirit of becoming an adventurer and pushing himself to have as many experiences as possible, he figures he could hang around downstairs a little longer, perhaps get one more thing done before bed -- What should he do?"

[shameless-sol-apologist]

im going to strangle this man

[carry-on-my-wayward-gays]

Okay so ngl it's roughly inspired by the movie 50 first dates (Jimmy's getting she/her for this whole ask cause I'm in the habit of it and this is my Jimmy I can do what I want)

The gist is that Jimmy has no memory of past servers any time she joins a new one (last life Jimmy doesn't remember 3rd life, Empires 2 Jimmy doesn't remember Empires 1, ect.) So when Tango meets her during hermitpires it's like a moment where all the memories of Double Life come rushing back and she remembers the ranch and her rancher and everything and she's just overwhelmed with so many happy memories she picks him up and spins him around and it's very cute. And they thing everything's fine now that they're reunited and remember everything (Tango never forgot). But the Empires server doesn't want Jimmy breaking character and remembering her other lives, so it's actively trying to re-repress the memories. Jimmy just kind of assumes it's a fibro problem cause she has foggy memory anyways, but after Tango leaves there comes a day not even a week after he's gone that she can't remember him or anything that happened in double life. She vaguely remembers some stranger passing through Tumble Town, but she can't put a face to them.

Once Tango realizes he can visit the Empires server whenever he wants (headcanon that he can move between any servers he has the address to, like dimension navigating I guess) he comes to see Jimmy, only to see that Jimmy doesn't remember him. She vaguely remarks that he seems familiar and she's visibly distressed about this, and Tango just assumes that whatever erased her memories the first time did it again. And seeing Tango's face doesn't bring them back this time because the server is working harder to keep her from remembering. So Tango just guides her through double life and slowly she starts to be like Oh I remember that, didn't [thing] happen too? And eventually she remembers everything and feels bad that Tango had to remind her who he was, but Tango assures her he knows it isn't her fault and he doesn't mind having to refresh her.

And of course this isn't the last time, almost every single time Tango visits he needs to remind her, he eventually starts doing things like leaving books or pictures for her to read when she forgets. And Tango never complains when she forgets again because he knows that she would remember him if she could and he cares enough to put in the work.

It's sort of literally just 50 first dates (very important movie to me <3) but I love it anyways it's so sad but cute and kind of shows how dedicated these guys are to each other and just how much they'll put in to make sure they aren't taken apart again <3

AWWW THAT'S SO FUCKING CUTE <3333

Like askdhdsk the idea of the server itself rewriting her very code so she forgets everything and never breaks her Sheriff character only to have Tango "I feel like we'd find each other in any universe" Tek come strolling in and manually walking Jimmy through their life so she can remember who he is?? Fucking GOLD bro, absolutely heartbreaking shit.

By any chance have you read "There's Not a Word Yet" by Pixiemage? :3