#the funeral speech is good but it's a) not As good and b) able to be as good as it is BECAUSE

[catilinas]

friends romans countrymen < o pardon me thou bleeding piece of earth

[foxsimthings]

WES(LEY) THRASHER for @mangosimoothie 's THE FAMILIAR!

Young Pre-maturely Graying Adult | He/Him Bisexual | It's Complicated (in love with a ghost) Blood Type: B-

There's just never enough time.

Wesley is, in actuality, an uninteresting man. To flip through the pages of his life would be to hear a tired story for the hundredth time. Born in a blue plastic pool around the side of the trailer he would grow up in, his mother picked up a cigarette before she picked up her son. His father favored the bottle. Wesley was raised by the only babysitter they could afford - the TV.

Most of his years were a whirlwind of bullied kids, school fights, expulsion, detention, bad grades, belts to the back of the legs, girls snuck in and out through the hole made for an air conditioner that never came. Every time Wesley was hauled through the police station to sit the night out in the drunk tank, the same speech was given through the bars;

"You keep up like this, you'll be dead by the time you're twenty, kid."

Maybe that was the point. He was never really sure. At least, until he met Jude.

Jude was everything Wesley never could be. He was incredibly smart, ambitious, talented. It felt like colour only existed when Jude was in the room, like every gathering was just an audience waiting his arrival with bated breath, their greeting like applause. Nobody waited for Wes to arrive anywhere. Nobody thought about him when he was gone. All his life he was a ghost, and suddenly someone looked at him - directly at him - and smiled.

Long nights Wesley sat up watching Jude study his tomes and textbooks. They kissed in hallowed libraries, in arcane bookstores, in the halls of Jude's school before he bolted off to his classes. Somehow he managed to soften the bully, the bulldog, and turn him into little more than a lovesick lapdog.

But nothing good lasts. Wesley couldn't stomach Jude's funeral. The mere thought of all those hands on his arms, all those eyes on his grief-stricken face, made his stomach jolt and churn. The thought of facing the dirt that stole his lover from him- it was more than he could take.

He became a man possessed, obsessed. Jude spent his life in pursuit of magic, but Wesley was nothing. Nobody. He hadn't a magical bone in his body. But he was a bulldog - a bully. If he had to get his way by force, he would.

If asked why he wants to become a familiar, it's no doubt the same as any other might give; some romantic bullshit about serving the undead and making money and providing his succulent blood. Or something. And being the big, burly bully he is, he can fetch other victims with ease, protect his charges, lay down his life if need be.

But the truth is that Wesley needs time and resources. He needs time to learn, to study. He needs access to magical archives he can't get to on his own. He needs to become immortal.

Then, and only then, might he be able to bring the ghost that haunts him back to life.

[djeterg19]

Ok chapter 11 is the last one about the first case so let's go!

The team is getting ready to interrogate the two forensic officers they caught. They aren't able to find the last victim so they suspect they are too late. They think it's odd that Narong only took three days off for his sister's funeral. I'm not entirely sure how long it takes in Thailand but yeah that's a very short leave. Hell even my job gives 5 days bereavement. Singh is nervous about something. He knows something isn't right. They've been searching the suspect and victims homes but have found nothing. Singh tells them the crime scene is somewhere else.

Everyone starts rushing off. Tharn goes off alone and doesn't answer Phaya's calls. Phaya jumps in front of Yai's car to get him to stop and jumps in. Tharn has had one of his visions apparently. Khem wants to know why he rushed off and Yai and Phaya share a look knowing why. They take off following Tharn.

They arrive at a burning farmhouse. Tharn has already run off towards the house and Phaya chases after. There are a bunch of young kids in the backyard burning the house. Tharn grabs the torch and Phaya finds a tap and a bucket to put out the fire. The kids look nervous so Tharn tries to reassure them he's there to help but one girl starts crying. They don't want to go to jail. Tharn says he's there to help but they wanted to finish the mission. What mission? Apparently their friend is trapped in the house next door who would be released if they burned the house by a certain time. Tharn guesses the kids are more than 5 or 6 years old. They were playing a game called hero where they did missions and the last one was burning the house to save their friend. Tharn can't believe Narong would use such small children for his evil plans.

Khem and Yai are helping Phaya with the fire when they hear the sirens from fire trucks. Tharn asks Khem to watch the children as he goes to the house next door. It's chained and padlocked. Tharn shoots the lock and finds the last child asleep on the couch. There's a fan to keep him cool and crumbs from snacks on the table. The little boy doesn't wake up so Tharn checks his pulse. He's alive but has been drugged. Tharn takes him to the ambulance. Parents start arriving to check on their children.

Khem asks Tharn how he knew and Tharn makes excuses about presuming. The team is called back to the office. Tharn tries to talk to Phaya but he walks off and goes back with Khem and Yai instead. Tharn is frustrated that Phaya won't tell him what's wrong.

Back at the office, they are interrogating Narong. Vit has confessed everything about helping Narong with the kidnapping and torture. Narong goes from not being worried to upset and crying as they explain that they stopped the fire before the last body could be burnt. He asks what about his sister. The department ruined everything for him. Narong thinks back on happier days with his sister. How she was going to a job interview the day she was attacked but he couldn't pick her up. That he heard the call of the assault and realized it was his sister. How she blamed him for not being there when she needed him. Being upset that the perpetrator was only given 10 years and that he couldn't do any more to make sure he never hurt anyone else.

Narong confesses he forced Vit to help him. The little boy in the house is Vit's little brother. So Vit went along to make sure that Narong wouldn't hurt him. Narong gives a similar speech to the show but asking Singh if he thinks this job makes him a hero. That they all know why the rapist got his sentence reduced. They start leaving everyone knowing that Narong is right but not wanting to talk about it.

Tharn goes to see Narong at his cell. He wants to tell him what he heard from the voice. That she wished him to live a good life. Narong chuckles and says he sounds like he's talked to his sister. Tharn continues telling Narong that she got her first class honor for her brother. That she didn't really blame him for what happened that day. That he was always her hero. Phaya had been listening and smiled and left before Tharn knew he was there.

Tharn finishes and turns to leave. He asks the voice he's been hearing if they were satisfied. He didn't get a response other than a soft breeze by his ear before it faded away.

We cut to Phaya's house. He's exhausted and takes a shower. He throws himself on the bed ready to sleep. But he hears a voice calling Mr. Phaya and he asks who is calling can't they see he's sleeping. The voice says I am in your thoughts. How could I not know what you are thinking?

Phaya opens his eyes and sees a woman. He sits upright realizing it's Vanvisa. He asks why she's there. She says did you forget what I promised you. She says she's there to walk him through his past life memories. She taps his forehead and sinks into a meditative state knowing she must hurry because "he" has started to realize she's sneaking out to visit Phaya.

[tommydarlings]

When i was your girl

pairing: Tom Holland x singer!reader

warnings: suicide, character death, sad and just heartbreaking 

w/c: 1.4k

Requests: OPEN

Summary: After y/n´s heartbreaking Music Video, Tom decides to fix it all because it isn´t to late, right? 

that is the part 2 of “Grenade” :) 

Music Video -> tap here

masterlist

"You have to find her and talk to her Thomas" Nikki said in a quiet voice to her son. "What if she doesn't let me talk to her?" he replied. "She will," said Dominic, who was sitting on the couch next to Tom and Nikki. "You can't push her away forever for a mistake you made!" Harry shouted. Harry was the most aggressive in the whole thing... but he also had a good reason for it. You were his only friend he had trusted with his life, and that's exactly what he lost because of his brother. When he first heard the news, he wanted to kill Tom, but he held back because he knew that's not something you'd want.

The TV ran in the background when the whole Holland family was still trying to make Tom realize that he needs to talk to her urgently, otherwise he will never get you back.

"And if she rejects you... You tried it, okay?" said Sam to his older brother who was just in deep thoughts,

What if it's too late and she has a new one? What if she doesn't even want to see me anymore? Where the hell is she anyway? What is when-

Tom's thoughts were interrupted by the TV.

--- REGISTRATION ---

Everyone watched TV. A reporter with a sad look came into the picture. Everyone looked at the TV with a confused look until the reporter finally spoke after taking a deep breath,

"Uhhh, okay... I'm very sorry, dear viewers, to tell you that... the famous singer y/n y/l/n was found dead at a train station in New York, USA, this afternoon. "

Everyone in the house was speechless until Harry shouted, "NOOOOO, THIS IS FAKE, TELL ME THIS IS FAKE!" Tom started crying like a waterfall. "Mum, please say that's fake," Paddy said with tears in his eyes. "I'm s-sorry guys, but I b-believe it's true," Nikki replied with a stuttering voice and tears ran down her cheeks.

Behind the Reporter was a monitor showing a picture of you and Tom. In the picture you and Tom kissed in the middle of the stressful streets of London. One of Tom's favorite pictures.

"About half a year ago, y/n had caught her past boyfriend Tom Holland, also known as Spiderman in the MCU, cheating on her. The police are not sure if it was suicide or if it was an accident, they are trying to discover it. When it was suicide, do you think she did it because of Tom? "said the reporter.

Tom suddenly felt guilty. He never thought you'd do anything like that in life, but maybe he was just too busy giving another woman pleasure behind your back...

"Okay, new news!" said the reporter, which brought everyone back to the TV in the room. "They actually found live footage where the police officers investigating at the station... I'm very sorry to tell you that now but... It was pure suicide.

Everyone´s heart broke into a thousand pieces. Nobody could believe what they just heard...

"Next to the dead body we found some things from y/n. First, the police could find a polaroid photo of y/n and tom and next to it was a small note on "Love can kill you" was written on it. " Explained the reporter.

"Oh my God," Nikki whispered quietly, but everyone heard it.

"The officers were also able to find her cell phone next to the glides on which they found y/n." On the monitor has now been displayed a picture of her phone, the note and the polaroid image. "A record recording with the title " When i was your girl " was also found on the phone. Maybe it's a new song she wanted to release? "

It was already quite late and everyone was already exhausted, so, everyone made their way to bed after they had wiped away their tears.

- 

The next morning, Tom got a call from an unknown number. He sat down on the couch in the living room where his family was and took the call. "Hello, Tom Holland here." He said into the phone.

"Hello, Officer Walker speaks here, Could you come to the police station in London?" Tom explained to his parents where he had to go and after he got dressed he went there.

Once there, Tom got your phone and a date was set for your funeral. Tom thanked him for getting the phone and before Tom left, the officer said something else,

"She trusted you, and only you... The last wish was to play her record recording 'When i was your girl' to you... Maybe you play it at her funeral? "said the officer to Tom who got tears in his eyes again.

"Okay, I'll do, thank you," Tom replied. He drove home and told his family everything. "Should we play it at her funeral?" Dominic sighed.

"I'd like to do it... If that was her wish... "Tom said with a calm and fragile voice. Everyone agreed and tried to process it all.

The day of the funeral came and the Hollands and friends & family of you were at your funeral. After everyone wiped their tears and the pastor had finished his speech, it was Tom's turn,

"Okay, uhh... I think everybody knows what I did to y/n and uh... I know it won't help, but I apologize for what I did and I hope you can all forgive me. I loved her and still love her and I will never forget what a disgusting and arrogant person I was the day I cheated on her... She recorded one more song before she died. I've never heard the song before, but it was her last wish... The title is' When i was your girl '. Let's start it please."

 Same bed but it feels just a little bit bigger now,

Our Song on the Radio but it don´t sound the same,

When our friends talk about you all it does is just tear me down,

Cause my heart breaks a little when I hear your name,

It all just sounds like, oooooh…

Mmm, too young, too dumb to realize,

That I should have bought you flowers,

And held your Hand,

Should´ve gave you all my hours,

When I had the chance,

Take you to every Party,

Cause all you wanted to do was dance,

 Tom loved to dance, and you liked it too. But now Tom has to dance alone without her in his arms...

 Now my baby´s dancing,

But he´s dancing with another girl.

 "I would never dance with another girl except you darling" Tom whispered to himself as the tears started to spill.

 Your pride, your ego, your needs and your selfish ways,

Caused a women that I thought you love walk out of your life,

Now you never, never get to clean up the mess you made, ohhh

And it haunts me everytime I close my eyes,

It all just sounds like ooooooh,

Mmm, too young, too dumb to realize,

That I should have bought you flowers,

And held your Hand,

Should´ve gave you all my hours,

When I had the chance,

Take you to every Party,

Cause all you wanted to do was dance,

Now my baby´s dancing,

But he´s dancing with another girl,

 Everyone was dissolved in tears and just wanted you back. But that was unfortunately no longer possible.

 Although it hurts,

I´ll be the first to say  that i was wrong,

Oh, I know you really much too late,

To try and apologize for your mistakes,

But I just want you to know,

 "So she knew exactly when she was going to kill herself... She planned everything and wrote this song as a Goodbye message." whispered Tom to himself, but his family heard and started to cry even harder.

 I hope she buys you flowers,

I hope she holds your Hand,

Give you all her hours,

When she has the chance,

Take you to every Party,

Cause I remember how much you loved to dance,

Do all the things I should have done,

When I was your girl,

Do all the things I should have done,

When I was your girl.

 Tom took y/n's phone back in his hand to close the recording, but it wasn't over.

"Turn it off Thomas," Nikki said with a devastated voice.

"But it is not over yet- ,

Before Tom could finish his sentence, your voice came trough the speakers.

„Hello!“ Everyone held their breath before you talked. You let out a tiny laugh before you spoke,

 "I told you Tommy,

I jump infront of a train for you.“

a/n: That was the second Part aka. final part! Hope you like this video! Music Video is linked on the Top! Maybe listen to it while reading! :) You can message me Songs Requests in my askbox too! :) ily, liz <3

[hargrove-mayfields]

Just A Dream Away

Chapter 1/13 read here on ao3!

my piece for @harringrovebigbang!

Art and moodboard from my amazing team, @monochromegee and @shewritesdirty respectively, to come soon!

~~~~

Six months. Six months and twelve days.

That’s how long Billy has been in the hospital. In a coma. His health rapidly deteriorating.

After one month it was required he be put on a ventilator. Two and his wounds started getting infected. By month three, the hospital asked that a representative be chosen for him, just in case he didn’t pull through.

Neil Hargrove refused. Barked into the receiver something along the lines of, “What do I care if the boy wanted to go and get himself killed?” It was entirely defensive, his voice cracking as he finished his sentence, but the hospital still never contacted him again, not for updates or bills or anything. His wife was far too busy taking care of one grieving child and a lazy husband already to worry about an additional burden.

All of Billy’s extended family was still in California, had written him off years before they’d even left home for Indiana anyways. The moment his mother walked out the door, nobody else wanted him either, so they were off the table too.

The town of Hawkins had been turned inside out by the deaths of more than thirty community members, some of which were still being reported as missing so many months later. Nobody had the time, or in many cases the heart, to take care of the lone survivor.

That left only one person. The one who’d been taking care of him even before he’d fallen into a coma. The one who’d understood him better than anyone else, who’d given him a chance, who’d loved him more than anything.

Steve gets a call from the hospital, the way he is usually woken up these days. Every other morning, as soon as visitation opens, a nurse calls him for a quick update. The duties of a representative for someone unconscious, for his Billy in a coma.

He’s beyond exhausted, dragging himself to and from Hawkins General day in and day out, sometimes bringing Max or a few of the other kids along with him. Mostly because every day is the same thing, walking through the halls, facing the polite smiles from nurses who deal with this on the daily, don’t understand the way it feels to see the one you love on that bed.

If he does hear anything new, it’s usually not good news. He knows Billy is getting worse, but still he sits in that room for countless hours, watching and waiting for the moment he’s struck with a miracle, and he comes back to him.

The hospital is not quite as patient though, and since about month four of Billy’s hospital stay, they’d been encouraging Steve to consider his wards right to die. After so much time had passed by without signs of improvement, the nurses had started hesitating in the doorway when he was around, and offering kind little suggestions that were supposed to push him towards the decision to let Billy go.

Things like, “It’s not really him anymore, honey.” and, “He’s getting worse by the minute, poor thing.”, and Steve’s favorite, the one that made him leave the hospital in tears, “If he wanted to wake up, he would have done it by now.”

But no matter how true what they were saying may have been, Steve really did not want to hear it. The only reason the thought of letting Billy go had ever crossed the minds of doctors and nurses was because of what was on the news, all these up and coming stories about hospital ethics committees that were popping up all over the country recently.

They were being selfish, willing to let Billy die just because they were scared they wouldn’t be able to stand the heat that would come from keeping an eighteen year old boy on life support for as long as they had. Whether or not they actually thought they could save him was a question for another day.

So they would mail Steve countless papers and claims and pamphlets to try to reason with him, to persuade him that the best thing to do was to kill Billy because they didn’t want to deal with him anymore. It made him sick to his stomach, to think that people who were supposedly trained to help people were so hellbent on giving up on a patient.

He wonders sometimes, if they wouldn’t be so hasty to pull the plug had he been an easier case. If his father was more supportive and his biological mother present, or if the government hadn’t worked so hard to cover up the origin of his injuries. Maybe even if his representative was a nice young woman instead.

But there’s nothing he can do about it, so he just crumples the papers and ignores their premature condolences, and goes to visit Billy at every moment he can.

The drive to the hospital that particular morning feels like it takes a whole day instead of the 20 minutes the route actually is, Steve feeling like he’s suspended in time. It doesn’t seem real, taking the stairs up to the second floor, elevators were a no go after the free fall he took at Starcourt, and taking a visitor sticker and a bunch of papers from the woman at the reception desk.

He’s walked this route more times than he can count, but this time he can feel that something is wrong, different. On the top of the very first sheet the desk lady hands him, in bold black letters, are the printed words “Right-to-Die” and Steve already knows what is coming.

The woman gives him a half sympathetic look and reads off her scripted spiel. “The Hargrove boy has been unresponsive for six months now, with no signs of improvement in his condition. The recently instituted hospital ethics board wants you to seriously consider the contents of these forms.”

The words are so hollow, the look on her face mostly bored. Steve guesses this same speech was probably given to a thousand other people who’d come through this hospital, and it makes him feel nauseated just listening to it, her less than genuine pity as she reads off her clipboard, making it seem like she doesn’t even care what she is asking of him.

“It’s of course among your rights as representative to say no, but we want to remind you that he has no quality of life being artificially kept alive, and it might be best to let him go.”

“No, they told me he couldn’t feel anything. He’s not suffering.” Steve insists, and as much as he believes that he is right, the confidence in his voice is false. This was something he’d been thinking about every day for the last half a year. “You’ve kept him alive this long, right? That’s got to mean something.”

“Still, this is about him. We just want you to think about if keeping him alive is the right thing to do anymore when we can’t be sure what he’s going through. When he isn’t himself.”

Of course this was something he’d considered in his own mind, six months is a long time, and it was inevitable that a few times on his worst days, he’d have to think about pulling the plug. It was just so different hearing this nurse who didn’t know Billy insisting on it, it was just so impersonal, and it made him think about the hospital's greed, and how they probably just wanted to save money on ventilators and open up another bed.

Without saying another word to her, Steve walks away without the clipboard of papers, and off to room B-216. Of course he'd known this was coming. They’d been trying to drop hints since the moment Billy stopped being able to breathe on his own, but he’d been in denial. As long as Billy's heart was still beating, Steve had hope that he would recover if the doctors would just try.

Still, as he sits down in the chair next to Billy’s bed, he decides he doesn’t want to call Max today. He takes the desk woman's advice, as angry as it made him, and takes the time to truly reflect on the boy in that bed, with the feeding tube down his throat, the respirator breathing for him beside his bed, the IV in his neck, there because the veins in his arms had been so overused.

His hair is much longer now, just past his collarbones, but without maintenance, his blonde curls are knotted and dull. His skin is unnaturally pale, his freckles faded to nothing, and his whole body is littered with angry, dark red scars. The hole in the center of his chest still isn’t all the way healed, and the nurses are constantly fighting to keep it free of infection.

When he wakes up, they say he will be in immense pain and that he will have forgotten how to walk and talk and probably even breathe on his own. There was a chance too that his memory will have gaps in it, which could mean anything from forgetting what happened to him in July, to not even knowing his own name.

Basically if, no- when he wakes up, he won’t really be Billy.

Steve had always heard about and seen in the movies coma patients who twitch their fingers or moved their eyes, or who really give any signs of life, miraculously waking up and being themselves again, but Billy, he had only done the opposite.

At some point, he has to accept that Billy won’t be like one of those other patients, and, in the condition he is in, all pale skin and open wounds and zero signs of responsiveness, they were only prolonging his death. They had tried just about everything they could thanks to Steve’s willingness to cover the expenses, and, although he didn’t want to believe it, maybe just couldn’t accept it quite yet, it was, as the nurse had said, time to think about letting Billy go.

Not today though. He’d spend today with him at the very least, trying to push those thoughts to the back of his mind while he still could. The nurses used to say, when Billy had first been admitted and they still thought there was a chance of recovery, that Steve and Max, whenever she could come, should try talking to him, and Steve always did.

He never really has a whole lot to say, not since everything has been calming down recently. There were no more funerals to attend, no more grieving families to take a hot dish and his condolences to. The kids didn’t need him to watch them anymore, and Family Video had decided to lay him off until he didn’t have to make daily hospital commutes and he could work again. Basically, Steve’s entire world was Billy.

So it was only fair that Billy was what he usually talked about, reminiscing about everything they’d gotten to do together before the accident, telling him about what was happening with his sister now that she was getting older, and giving him updates on how many days it had been and how much he missed and loved him. One of the nurses had heard him say that once, seen him lean forwards and press a kiss to Billys forehead, but she had only turned away, pretending she hadn’t noticed.

Today though, it was much harder than usual to think of something to say to him. He always tried to leave all of the bad stuff at the door, didn’t think it would do Billy any good if he could even hear, to be listening to him always complaining or moping about their situation, but with death weighing heavy on his mind, what else was there to think about?

The anger and the remorse and the depression would be for when he went home tonight and downed a whole bottle of Fireball, Billy’s favorite whiskey, and called Robin drunk off his ass at two in the morning to tell her about how terrible he felt.

It was because he loved Billy with all of his heart that he wouldn’t put him through that. Even if it hurt more than anything else to see his love broken down and dying, which was, in Steve’s opinion, the worst thing that had ever happened to him, he always wore a smile on his face every day he walked into that hospital room.

As hard as that was, and as guilty as it made him feel to admit, Billy's sickness wasn’t the only thing making Steve miserable. He had also been through some unimaginable things himself while trapped in the Starcourt mall, and he didn't come out the other side the same.

Nightmares plagued him constantly, so that when he would eventually come back home from the hospital, he didn’t sleep more than fifteen minutes through the night. Being alone for too long warped his perception of reality, made him think everyone he knew and loved was gone, that he’d been abandoned or all his friends killed. He would constantly call to check on them, most of the time drunk and panicking, but they’d stopped picking up after the first few times. There were so many triggers too that could send him back to that night in an instant, where he’d just get stuck again.

And perhaps that is exactly why he can’t let Billy go so easily, because even if it is heartbreaking and makes him feel so empty inside being there with a version of his Billy who couldn’t speak to him or who he couldn’t hold, he was still alive. If he died now, Steve would have nothing. It would be no different from the losses everyone had suffered, the death of the chief of police and at least thirty other community members robbing them of their soundness of mind.

Letting go of Billy would just be another blow, to him and to the tight-knit community who had come so close together after the accident that rocked their little town. You wouldn't be able to tell from the fact that his room was always empty except for Steve or his sister, but the papers had revered him as a hero. Who he’d become after being hospitalized meant his death wouldn't just affect loved ones.

But more than any of that, he just didn’t want to give up on him. Pulling the plug meant sacrificing so many more moments they could have together, losing the chance to move on from what had happened. How could Steve ever know when it was the right time to do that?

When was it safe to say that Billy wouldn’t ever recover, and that they were just stretching out the inevitable? When could he feel right in letting his very best friend and the love of his life die? Deep down, past his initial reaction of shock and heartbreak, he knows he’ll never truly be ready to say goodbye, but that now was that time regardless.

Just like the nurses said, he wasn’t really Billy anymore. Who he’d been was a teenage boy with too much energy to burn, always getting into trouble and always in motion, bouncing his knee, twisting the ring on his middle finger or the locket around his neck, chain smoking cigarette after cigarette. It used to drive Steve insane how he wouldn’t sit still for anything, but now he would give anything just to have that back.

There was no personality left in him, no stupid jokes to cheer Steve up, no pestering his sister and her friends like a big brother does, nothing left in him at all that made him distinctly Billy. Steve wondered if maybe he had already given up.

If maybe, Billy wasn’t even in there at all anymore, and they were holding on to nothing just to feed their own selfishness. Steve wasn’t the most emotional of people, usually panicking before he got upset, but he could feel tears pricking at his eyes now, as he watched the slow rise and fall of Billy’s, or not Billy’s, chest, and listened to the beeps and hums of the machines that kept him going.

He knew what needed to be done. Just not today.

For now, he holds Billy's hand, unmoving and just warm enough that he could tell he was alive, and whispered to him anything that came to his mind.

If Billy could hear him, he knew he was probably tired of hearing the same stories over and over, thinking of Billy waking up and complaining about Steve being too boring made him chuckle to himself. An instant pang of regret tightens his chest, feeling guilty for being happy.

There was a really sweet nurse about the age of his mother who always checked in on him at the same time everyday, like he was the one with tubes and machines sticking out of his body. Her name was Dale, and she always peeked her head into the room around meal times to ask if he had been down to the cafeteria yet. Usually he hadn’t, and sometimes he still forgot to eat anyways, but it meant a lot to him.

Today though, she came all the way in the room, a sad look on her face, and he had to avoid her gaze entirely to keep himself from breaking down, choosing instead to focus on Billy’s slender fingers where he’d laced them through his own.

“Steve, honey, I know this is really hard for you, it’s hard for all of us when something like this happens, but you need to take care of yourself.” She was just being kind, but he wouldn’t hear it.

If this was going to be the last full day he’d ever spend with Billy, he was going to make it count. A soggy sandwich in the dingy old cafeteria wasn’t worth spending a single moment away from the other boy's bedside. He feels vaguely guilty about it, but he ignores the well meaning nurse, even as she says her generic condolences that all of them were trained to say.

He smooths out Billy's hair, brushing the part that always hung in his eyes to the side carefully, something Billy himself had always seemed to do when he was nervous. It reminds him of the time they tried to do each other's hair and Billy taught him how to make a braid, so he tells Billy about it.

When he hears the distant roar of a car's engine from the open window, it reminds him of the first time Billy drove him home in the now totaled beyond recognition Camaro, so he talks about that. A bird landing on the windowsill reminds him of sitting on Billy’s bed and talking about the seagulls and the beaches back in California where Billy had grown up, so he tells Billy that story too. The phone ringing at the receptionist's desk down the hallway reminds him of the time Billy had called him in the middle of the night to invite him out to the quarry, where they’d kissed for the first time and Steve clumsily asked him to make things official, so again, he told Billy all about it.

It's mostly a comfort to himself, keeping his mind off of the reality of the situation, but then the desk lady announces over the overhead system that visiting hours are over, and it’s time for him to go.

They had been giving him a lot of leeway here at Hawkins General, allowing him to visit every single day and sometimes with a 14 year old, which was strictly against the rules of the ICU. The end of visiting hours was a rule they always stood by though, and despite how much it crushed him to leave Billy by himself overnight, he always did it.

On his way out, he grabbed the stack of papers the receptionist tried to give him off of her desk. He would call Susan in the morning and ask her what she thought. He would try to involve her in the choice, since she’d technically claimed Billy as her dependent after her marriage to his father, who had given enough verbal and written agreements that he wanted nothing at all to do with his son while he was hospitalized that his wife could, and had, stepped in.

He went home that night with the thought in his head that this was the last time he’d do this, and by this time tomorrow, Billy would be dead.

[oswinsdolma]

Proving all the Knights of the Round Table have magic part 3: Elyan

I've seen quite a few people headcanon Elyan with magic before, and it's definitely one of the more popular magic!knights hcs, so I apologise if I accidentally hijack anyone else's points xx

The most obvious indicator of this is the fact that Elyan leaves Camelot a year before Merlin arrives. This is about the same age Morgana's magic shows itself, so it would be natural to assume he left because he began showing signs of being a warlock, Camelot's laws being what they are.

It is also implied that Elyan left fairly abruptly, with Gwen having no idea where he went. He may have left in a hurry because somebody might have noticed him, and not told Gwen or Tom for fear of putting them in danger.

Perhaps in a darker note, he didn't say where he was going because he was ashamed of his magic and didn't think his family would accept him.

Gwen says that "[Elyan] always seems to be in the wrong place at the wrong time". Maybe accidents happen around him because he had trouble controlling his magic and found it increasingly difficult to cover for. This could be another indicator as to why he left.

Elyan didn't return to Camelot even for his father's funeral, and while he expresses his guilt, he doesn't give sufficient reason why: the reason? He may not be able to tell Gwen because he was still scared to return with magic.

When Gwen reveals her relationship with Arthur, Elyan is skeptical, and maybe even a little panicked. After all, would your sister falling in love with someone with the power to set you ablaze not be a terrifying concept to anyone with magic? But when Arthur comes to rescue them and proves himself to be slightly less of a prat than he may think, he tentatively agrees to return home, though I suspect this is mainly for Gwen's sake.

When the immortal army invades Camelot, Elyan manages to stay hidden and fight off some soldiers. Note that he is the only one of the group within Camelot with no Knights' training, which begs the question: how did he manage to escape? The answer could very well lie with magic.

Again, in The Darkest Hour, he is one of two knights that survived the meeting with Morgana. He is one of the more inexperienced knights as well, which suggests that he may have aided himself magically in the fight.

When faced with a seemingly unbeatable threat, Elyan says to Arthur: "tomorrow, we fight in your name, sure. For freedom and justice in this land." Now there is a lot to unpack here, but if we break it down, firstly there is the fact that Elyan places is emphasis on "your" when addressing Arthur. He has previously made a statement about the Pendragon crest, but in this moment, it seems that he cares more about Arthur than this. This is clearly indicative of the fierce bond between Arthur and the core knights, but it could be more than that: the emphasis of "your" is specific to Arthur, but perhaps more importantly, it is an exclusion of Uther. In his time, Arthur has made mistakes, but he has generally been more sympathetic towards magic than his father, and this may be Elyan's subtle way of acknowledging that.

In addition, the words: "for freedom and justice in this land" could just be in reference for Arthur's abilities as king, but this is a deep speech and one would assume it has a deeper meaning. Freedom and justice are two things that have not been afforded to those with magic for a long time. Uther's twisted "justice" involved executing anyone who disagreed with him and anyone who could be vaguely affiliated with sorcery. As for freedom, Arthur has created a fairer kingdom than his father, but magic users still live in fear. Combined with the earlier stress of "your", this is indicative that Elyan too believes that Arthur may one day come to bring peace to anyone who is born with magic.

This last point also has the implications that Elyan knows of the Once and Future King and surrounding prophecies. Though he is described as a troublemaker by Gwen before he comes to Camelot, he keeps his head relatively low upon arrival. Perhaps in the time he spent travelling, he sought help from magical communities, e.g. the druids, who helped him control his powers. This would also explain his vagueness about his whereabouts and lack of contact during the years he was missing.

I could go on about this quote but we'll leave it there for now.

Before he is overtaken by the power of the Lamia, Elyan is vocal in standing up for Merlin. This could be because he knows what it is like to be shunned by society. Magic could be a reason for that. (Also I fully believe that the only reason the Lamia didn't try and take over Merlin was because she was scared of the extent of his magic, not just because he had magic.)(and the merthur reasons when I'm in the mood)

Then Elyan falls sick, before the others begin to show symptoms. Maybe the Lamia sensed some magic and decided he was more trouble than he was worth.

Elyan was not raised by druids, and does not have the same powers as Merlin so wouldn't have sensed the power of the shrine, at least not too strongly. When he first sees the spirit though, he is genuinely sympathetic, even before the murderous intent takes hold.

In the Dark Tower, Elyan is consumed by his need to find Gwen, convinced that he is to blame for her capture. This could be survivor's guilt (and to an extent, probably is), but it is equally probable that Elyan believes that he should have used his magic to protect her.

Going off on a slight tangent here, the theme of "I have magic so it must have a purpose" within warlocks/sorcerers in the show is a) not a healthy mindset and b) uncomfortably common. Elyan may have latched onto the idea that he must use his magic to protect Gwen to convince himself to stay in Camelot, and with that conprmino, he began to fall apart. His behaviour is almost identical to Merlin's fervour regarding Arthur at this point, and it's fairly disturbing that these characters adopt this mindset that is Not Good For Their Mental Heath, Please Get Some Therapy.

Elyan dies. It's heartbreaking, and he does so trying to save his sister. But what is interesting is his funeral. When most main characters die, they are given a funeral in Camelot, e.g. Uther, Lancelot (the first time). But then Freya and Shade!Lanceot (and later Arthur) are set to rest in the Lake of Avalon. The difference between the two is that the lake funerals were arranged by Merlin, and those laid to rest there can somehow be affiliated with magic.

Now I'm not saying that Merlin knew about Elyan's magic, because sometimes he can be really not very perceptive about that (though it's always fun when fics cheerily toss that out the window because it's fun goddamnit-), but I don't believe he was entirely oblivious. Think about it: there are two of Arthur's closest friends canonically hiding magic from him and it's fairly probable that they'll pick up on Elyan's magic at some point. Even if it's just little things like his sympathies with magic or gentle arguments about the way mages are treated. There are so many avenues to explore with this it's overwhelming-

I also think Elyan may have picked up on Merlin's magic later in the series: the point of realisation was probably when Merlin rescued him during his time being possessed by the drowned druid boy, upon which he says: "you know, Merlin, you're much braver than you look." This is the first time Merlin has revealed his more BAMF side to Elyan, and in this moment, something unspoken passes between them. If not mutual understanding, it is at least Elyan realising what Merlin does beneath his carefree exterior, and despite the possession, I think he acquires a lot of new respect for his friend.

(also are we going to ignore that the lake funeral implies that it was arranged by Merlin. How close were they and what stuff did we miss out on behind the scenes for him to be trusted with this?? I need to know)

Elyan and Mordred have a friendship in series 5. If the earlier headcanon about Elyan learning to control his magic with druids is true, perhaps he may have recognised Mordred from his time there. They probably didn't acknowledge it much, but it created a bond between them.

And now for the mythological context!!

Of all the Knights of the Round Table, Elyan's backstory is perhaps the most estranged from the original legend (of course all of them are fairly disconnected *flashbacks to pope-gwaine* but Elyan's is w a c k y)

As a consequence, there is little to draw on for behind-the-scenes evidence of magic.

Elyan, or Helayn, was another Knight whose origins stem from France (the Vulgate Cycle, I think, though he could have surfaced earlier). He is said to have joined Lancelot in exile after his affair of 'courtly love' with Guinevere (go and look up this concept- it gets convoluted in the myths but is really interesting in terms of both origin and content). Anyway, his exile here could represent the time he spent out of Camelot before his appearance in s3, and relates to hiding from harsh laws, particularly if we regard Lancelot and Guinevere's relationship in the same way as we do in the Vulgate Cycle (basically keep the context with the appropriate work and it sort of makes sense)

I appreciate this seems a little like grasping at straws but that's literature I suppose ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

In the legends, Elyan is nephew to another of Arthur's knights, Sir Sagramore. This knight is less famous than some, but at one point, he embarks on a quest to find the fay. The fay are closely linked with the she, and perhaps also live on Avalon, somewhere mortals are only supposed to see moments before death. Perhaps Elyan can be associated with this magic?

In reality, there is little written of Elyan and no prose or poetry dedicated to him so it's quite hard to find stuff about him.

Also legend!Elyan is heir to the throne of Constantinople, which just goes to prove how widespread and deeply convoluted the mythos is.

[neverlandsky]

Kaz Brekker × Inej Ghafa

Undercover Ballroom AU

843 words || Warning: None

Set after Crooked Kingdom but AU where everyone is alive and happy. (because thats how its supposed to be coz no mourners, no funerals)

Plot: The main six are on a heist to steal a painting from a museum where a ball is held and they have to go undercover. (lies- the main plot is kanej content because i'm trash for them so its not really about the heist-)

All characters are from the Six of Crows duology. References to both the books and the show.

p.s. follow @mvrsecode on instagram <3

Kaz rested his hand on his cane and leaned on one of the pillars. His other hand beckoned Wylan to give him the bag the red-head was carrying.

"Alright here's Plan A. Wylan and Jes will be on-" Kaz started.

"Hey! You finally accepted my nickname," Jesper interrupted, giving a half-smile and fidgeting with his rings.

"Wylan and Jesper will be on the lookout from this roof and they will give us light signals by flickering a device Wylan made. Keep your eyes on the quarter point clockwise on the dome. You will be able to spot the blue light," he explained.

"However, also remember to always focus on your surroundings. The signal they'll give is important but do not act suspicious by constantly looking up. Someone else might spot it," Inej has become quite good at joining Kaz in his plan speeches. She was mostly there to remind the others to take care of themselves, something Kaz always forgot.

"Helvar will enter through the back door and clear our escape route. Make sure no one sees you, take a guard's uniform if you will. Nina will tag along the Ravka guests and into the ballroom. Let's hope the security system isn't counting faces. We need a heartrender inside for emergencies," Kaz wasn't always thorough with his explanation but this time he wouldn't risk it.

"Lastly, Inej and I will pose as the guests Nina put to sleep. When everyone else gets distracted on the main attraction, we will slip out through the open corridor right there and into the rest of the building. I'm sure they wouldn't think to look twice at a couple of kids messing around," Kaz finished and looked at each of them directly in the eye, as if asking if they understood.

Nina, however, knew it was just a display of intimidation. Kaz's heart was beating quickly, possibly because he has to dance with Inej but Nina smiled to herself. After all, Inej's heart was matching his. She smiled to herself, wondering when they would finally admit it, but again maybe she was just a romantic.

"No mourners," Jesper said.

"No funerals." Good luck would've been too much, they do not expect good luck. The least they could hope for is getting out of here alive.

Kaz handed Inej her dress. It would've been hard for her to scale walls if she was in a ball-gown, not that she couldn't do it. It was just impractical. The gown itself was ash blue in color. Kaz didn't know why he thought Inej would've liked it but the small smile on her face confirmed he was right.

Inej layered the dress on top of her black unitard and bulletproof fabric. It would've looked ridiculous if Kaz hadn't gotten the perfect gown. She strapped a dagger around her calf, under her dress. For emergencies, for Plan B and E.

"Good to know you still remember my size," Inej thanked him.

The plan was in motion now. Nina got in quite easily, she looked the part. She was beautiful and obviously charming. She could charm her way through anything. Inej and Kaz, however, was to play a harder role. Two criminals who lived in the streets of Ketterdam to play a rich, privileged couple. Eventually, the guards let them in, with the papers Jesper had gotten forged for them.

Everyone else was dancing. Even Nina had gotten herself a dance partner, a real person, not waffles. Matthias would've had to be restrained if he saw how this man was looking at his girl.

Inej took a deep breath and looked at Kaz, "We should probably-"

"Of course," he knew what she was going to say. They needed to fit in and so they did. Dancing wasn't really Kaz's forte but it was hers.

He offered his gloved hand and he wished he could hold her soft hands again but he couldn't risk fainting in the middle of a heist and compromising it. He could try holding her hands again another time.

Kaz's other arm was loosely wrapped around her waist. Their faces a bit too close. Nina could've heard their heartbeats from a mile away. Even Inej wouldve heard Kaz's heart if she wasn't too focused on her own.

"Are you alright?" Inej whispered. She didn't want to make him uncomfortable.

"I'll be alright. It's you. I'm alright because its you," Kaz was being honest. If it was anyone else, he wouldn't have been alright but it was Inej. He'll be alright. He was still wearing gloves anyways, there wasn't any skin-to-skin contact.

Maybe in another life, in another universe, they could've been in a ballroom as guests, dancing fully comfortable. Not on some heist trying to steal a one-of-a-kind painting worth millions of kruge. He could've held her hand and he would smile without a care. She wouldn't have to be cautious where her hand dropped and she could've rested her head on his shoulders. In another life but not this one. They were just thieves from Ketterdam trying to live better lives.

plus a random pic of them coz theyre so adorable-

[xsugarysweetsx]

Can I request a Todoroki x Reader? Where the reader is with the group that saves Eri, and Overhaul gravely injures her (like nighteye). And she is dies during surgery, and class 1-A saw on the news that student heroes had been injured. So Todo was like freaking out. And when Deku Kiri and them come back to the dorms, they have to break the news that she didnt make it. But before they could say anything, the tv says, "Just in, a student by the name of (Y/F/N) has just been pronounced dead. Thanks

Please enjoy~🍰

*******************************************************

Orders w re being barked across the room. Nurses rushing in and out, your unconscious body barely responding. During the rescue, you were brutally injured, losing too much blood, too quickly.

Deku and Kirishima insisting on waiting for news on your wellbeing. They were more concerned about you than themselves. You had taken hits for them so they would be able to flee. Each hit making you weaker, but you pushed past your limits.

———

Cold....

Why am I....cold

I can’t move....or talk...where am I?

We were fighting....almost got out but something got to me....ugh everything feels so heavy...

Am I dying..? But how...? But I can’t be....can I?

I couldn’t even see Todoroki again...one last time...

Im.....so......tired.....

———

“This just in multiple heroes and UA students critically injured and being tended to after a massive mission. It is reported that three students in the hero course are being taken care of. Stay tuned for updates”

The reporter filled in anyone who was watching. The students at UA were devastated, their close friends in the most danger. Many gasps were let out and even some tears fell from the eyes of class 1-A. They knew what the price of being a hero was but they were all still young. Now some were even at the hospital, but no one was as concerned as Todoroki.

He knew he should have made you stay, but you convinced him you’d be fine. His heart pounds against his chest, maybe even too fast. During his time in UA, making aquatints was difficult. Yet here he was, sick to his stomach because he did hear from you yet.

He’s tried calling multiple times. You, Midoriya, Kirishima, anyone just to hear you. He was always calm and had a cool head, but not now, not when your life was in the line.

If he lost you......he couldn’t even finish that thought. If he lost you...he would be lost.

———

The heart monitor flatlined as the medics rush around to revive you. They try to restart your heart, CPR, anything to bring you back. Yet your eyes didn’t budge. They had lost you, each nurse and doctor cast their eyes down in remorse.

They had lost a young life, one who was destined for greatness.

The lead surgeon took it upon himself to break the news. With a heavy heart, he steps out of the room to see two young heroes.

They jump from their chairs with hopeful eyes. He sighs and says

“I’m sorry.....we tried everything we could” his voice was laced with guilt and sadness. The boys’ faces are frozen, not knowing what to say or do. Their hearts pang, it hurt. They had lost a friend and their chests felt heavy. Almost as if their lungs were filling with water, drowning them in sorrows.

If this was their reaction they couldn’t imagine Todoroki. He would be even worse to hear this, but it was inevitable. They look back to the doctor and thank him for trying to save you.

Midoriya and Kirishima has come to the decision that they should break the news. It was better than hearing it from the news or a doctor. Maybe they would be able to comfort him better.

———

“Remember we need to...let him down gently, we don’t know how he would react to this” Deku reminded him as they approach the door

“Right..” his lips press into a line, as he braces himself to deliver the news. They open the doors and every head shoots to them. A crowd of students run to them to tackle them in hugs and praise. They stop in their tracks once they notice it was only 2 of them.

“Where is she?” A deep voice rang. Todoroki had a broken look on his face. His breathing was raspy as he tried to contain and control it.

“Todoroki..I um....” Deku tried to find the right words as tears filled his eyes “she.....she saved a lot of people...she was a great p-person ” his voice cracks

Before he could finish the reporter comes on again

“This just in, a student by the name of Y/F/N has passed away. Surgeons had done all they can but couldn’t save her. And now a moment of silence for her courageous act”

He had lost you, the girl he loved the most gone. He falls to his knees feeling his chest get tight, feeling like he couldn’t breathe. Choked sobs escape his lips, he had lost the girl he loved the most.

He had one goal, and that was to become a hero. It changed after meeting you, he also wanted to be your hero. To love and protect you, but not this time. He wasn’t there to protect you and now you were gone. He was a shattered man.

The students of 1-A gather around him and hold him together in silence.

————

He was always a strong person, someone many looked up to. But today, he faced no one as his eyes stay to the ground. It was the day of your funeral, the one place he never wanted to be. Yet he had to see your face one least time. He was also asked to speak a few words. He looked at you laying in your casket, you looked peaceful. But he didn’t want you laying peacefully, he wanted you in his arms where you belonged

“Y/N was...a hero. Not only was she a hero, she was my best friend and my love. She had a beautiful heart, she was always kind and loving. Putting others before herself. I-I am not sure what I’m going to do now that s-she’s gone. I know she would want me to be strong b-but....she was everything in this world to me, and n-now th-that....that....” he couldn’t finish his speech, it was all too much for him.

They escort him to his seat as they finish the ceremony. After the buria everyone had left when the rain started. He stood in the rain feeling heavy, a voice had echoed behind him

“She would want you to keep going wouldn’t she? You’re not doing her any good by standing there in self pity” he turned to find Bakugou of all people “so stop screwing around and train to be the hero she would want you to be”

After all was said he walks away as if nothing happened. Looking towards the sky Todoroki speaks

“I’ll become your hero Y/N, I swear it on my life”

*******************************************************

I hope this was okay!❤️

[lexs-movie-review-and-views]

Movies I watched in January 2021.

(only includes movies I watched for the first time)

 A stranger outside (directed by Jake Helgren) – 2018 (12) 2½ stars.

This film is a who is it/who did it movie about a girl named Daphne (played by Brittney Underwood) who is babysitting a young boy called Toby (played by Jet Jurgensmeyer) whose parents are out of town.

I gave it a low rating since I found it very dumb and the acting is not good, a hard movie to take seriously, the characters are also very stupid, and it is an overall very predictable movie.

But saying that, I would still recommend if you want to watch a movie you can make fun of and like seeing family bonds being made (between the babysitter and the boy). It is also a good movie if you want to get into horrors/thrillers or get someone else into them.

*spoilers*

The main reasons I found this a dumb movie is how obvious it was that the maid was the killer, like, what maid only cleans the kitchen and does it in less than 5 minutes? She was also an overall bad killer and felt like a very lazy try.

Also, the girls reaction to everything, I don’t understand why they didn’t lock all the doors and how Daphne walked through the door that she put the windchime, a very dumb move. Also, Daphne’s friends when being killed, I could not wait for the scene to be over, she wasn’t doing a particularly good job at trying to escape.

*spoilers done*

Uncle frank (directed by Alan Ball)– 2020 (15) 5 stars.

This film is about an 18-year-old named Beth (played by Sofia Lillis) who travels back from Manhattan to her hometown Creek Ville, South Carolina, with her uncle Frank (played by Paul Bettany) for a funeral and end up being joined by his boyfriend (Played by Peter Macdissi).

I gave this film such a high rating because of how real this movie feels and how the acting feels so pure and you can tell that they put effort into this. I also just really love family connections in movies. It is just such a beautiful movie, made me cry so much. This film also really highlights how much Frank is terrified of his parents fining out he is gay.

I just highly recommend this movie. Anything I say will not do this film justice.

*spoilers*

The main scenes that really stuck out to me where: 1) The flash back scenes between young Frank and past lover Sam. Mainly the scene where his dad (played by Stephen Root) catches them together one night. And he didn’t the relationship his son had with the other boy, which sends Frank into a panic. This scene also shows the type of man his dad was and how that impacted Frank.

2) The will reading where Frank is outed. This scene really pinpoints how much hatred Franks dad had towards him. In this scene you can also see the sheer panic he has and doesn’t want to stick around and find out what is family will say.

*spoilers done*

Deadly detention (directed by Blair Hayes) – 2017 (15) 1 star.

This film is about 5 high school students; the ‘hot girl’ Lexi (played by Alex Frnka), ‘hot boy’ Barrett (played by Henry Zaga), the ‘sporty female jock’ Jessica (played by Sarah Davenport), ‘the skateboarder’ Taylor (played by Jenifer Robyn Jacobs) and the ‘presumed gay, Christian’ with his bejewelled bible named Kevin (played by Coy Stewart), who all have Saturday detention. Their detention takes place in a now closed prison with someone trying to kill them.

I gave the film such a low rating since its just bad. The script is awful, the characters are written so poorly, I can’t believe this movie was able to be realised, it is also very predictable, you are able to tell who the killer is within the first 10 minutes.

This movie gave me the vibe of a poorly rewrite of ‘the breakfast club’ if it was a horror in prison. But if you want something you can watch to laugh at and not take seriously then you could watch this.

*spoilers*

The main things that really annoyed me with this film are not that the killer was obviously the cop but that:

1)    Barrett never stops smiling! Someone is trying to kill him, and he doesn’t even care.

2)    Taylor and her skateboard, she can’t even ride properly, she should have left it, it’s not important.

3)    Keven and his light up shoes, and how he had to make sure they were on the same colour, he should leave them alone and hide.

4)    And just the fact that Barrett and Lexi care more about hooking up than trying to escape a killer, especially when Berrett is already dating Jessica.

*spoilers done*

Deadpool (directed by Tim Miller) – 2016 (15) 4 stars.

This film is about a man named Wade Wilson (played by Ryan Reynolds), who wants to get revenge on a man named ajax/Francis (played by Ed Skrein) for experimenting on him to cure Wades cancer and to give him healing abilities, but it ends up leaving him disfigured.

I gave this movie a high rating because of how it managed to include multiple genres at once; for example, this film included, action, a little gore, comedy, raunchy and romance. Also, the uses of breaking the fourth wall, I think was done particularly well.

Other things I like about this film is that he does not call himself a hero, because he does not want to be and at the end of the day, he isn’t one, but he’s also not a villain.

*spoilers*

An example of this is right near the end when Colossus is giving that classic ‘you can be a hero’ hero speech, Deadpool shoots Ajax. Because killing him was what the main plot of the film was.

*spoilers done*

Soul (directed by Pete Doctor) – 2020 (PG) 3½ stars.

This film is about the journey of jazz piano player/middle school teacher, Joe Gardner (voiced by Jamie Foxx), who experiences a near death experience that gets him trapped in the afterlife, trying to reunite his soul and body, who is landed the responsibility to be the mentor to the soul, 22 (voiced by Tina Fey), who needs to find her spark to be sent to earth.

I gave this movie a middle rating because I like what it portrays – where your dreams come from, where your interests come from, also that for some, it can take a lot longer than others to figure out what they are. However, I feel like this film feel flat the longer it went on, it also feels like the people working on this got bored at the end and did not care anymore. Could as well be due to do with the fact that there were a couple things I thought would happen and make more sense but did not happen.

But its still, at the end of the day a cute, funny, family movie and great for kids to learn that they should do what they love and its okay if they take longer than others to figure out what they love to do.

*spoilers*

Examples of what I thought would happen/hoped would happen that would have made sense to be in the film are:

1)    I was expecting that Joe was going to realise that he liked being a teacher. The flash backs really set up that was going to happen but then I just did not.

2)    I was hoping that we would get a time skip to a few years later and joe and the person that 22 went into would meet. I was expecting that the happen from the beginning.

*spoilers done*

Adventures in babysitting/A night in the town (directed by Chris Columbus) – 1987 (12 or pg. if you watch the Disney + cut) 4 stars.

This film is about 17-year-old Chris Parker (played by Elisabeth Shue) who is babysitting 8-year-old Sara Anderson (played by Maia Brewton) and her 15-year-old brother, Brad (Played by Keith Coogan), but ends up in a night full of adventures, along with Brad’s friend, Daryl (played by Anthony Rapp), due to Chris needing to pick up her friend, Brenda (played by Penelope Ann Miller).

I gave this movie a high rating because I think it’s a nice funny, sweet movie. I has great family like bonds between them all, which I love to see, and it makes you feel good watching it.

What I liked in this film was that it felt like it wasn’t trying to be realistic and because of that anything so unrealistic that happens feels normal.

I do highly recommend this movie to anyone who likes comedic adventurous films.

*spoilers*

One thing I liked that I found funny was how the gang was trying to capture the kids and Chris all because of the Playboy.

I also really love the scene when we find out Chris’s boyfriend, mike (played by Bradley Whitford), was cheating and after Brads speech about Chris then says he isn’t going to hurt mike because he is a bigger person, Daryl kicks mike. I think the main reason I loved this scene was because it really shows how different each character is from each other, but they still have a great friendship.

One thing that did annoy me about this film was Chris and Dan together at the end. It would have been okay for me, but she broke up with her boyfriend that night. Also, we don’t know how old Dan is, all we know is he is in collage and Chris is 17 in high school.

*spoilers done*

Z-O-M-B-I-E-S (directed by Paul Hoen) – 2018 (pg.) 4½ stars.

This film is about a zombie named Zed (played by Milo Manheim) and a human cheerleader named Addison (played by Meg Donnelly) who become close very quickly and need to hide that due to the fact that humans still believe that zombies are evil monsters.

I gave this film a high rating due to the how this movie made me feel, it quickly became a comfort movie for me, if you watch it you will understand where I’m coming from.

I also want to point out that yes, this is a very cheesy movie but its Disney channel, what else do you expect?

And despite it being the classic Disney channel cheese it is, I would like to pinpoint that it covers issues I think kids should learn about, for example; discrimination, not to pay attention to stereotypes and rumours also not to bully someone and just because they may be ‘different’

Highly recommend to all kids and anyone older if they love cheesy films.

*spoilers*

I have seen that some people don’t like the fact that Addison compared her hair would get her treated the same way Zed gets does, and I can see where they come from but to me, I interpret Addison’s hair and wig as real things people can hide about themselves, so they don’t get treated badly and zombies as something that people can’t hide about themselves.

*spoilers done*

Z-O-M-B-I-E-S 2 (directed by Paul Hoen) – 2020 (pg.) 2 ½ stars

This film is about werewolves coming to Seabrook/Zombietown due to their charms running out of their powers, needing to find the moon stone with help from a whitehaired teenager.

I gave this movie a low rating mainly due to how much it disappointed me. I expected much more, especially because of how the first one was amazing. This film felt very fast paced and felt like they didn’t put as much effort into it.

But saying that I do recommend watching, it’s still a fun time watching.

*spoilers*

Examples of what annoyed me in this movie was;

1.     How the zombies as well as the humans automatically assumed the werewolves where evil. You would have thought that the zombies would be more understanding since humans thought that about them before and that humans wouldn’t have jumped to that conclusion as they were wrong about zombies.

2.     The ban on all monsters when the zombies didn’t do anything wrong.

3.     How bucky went back to hating zombies. I don’t understand why because at the end of the first movie he realised zombies aren’t bad.

4.     Eliza should have ran for school resident! Mainly due to her having such strong views I feel like she would have taken it very seriously.

*spoilers done*

Official secrets (directed by Gavin Hood) – 2019 (15) 3¾ stars

This film is about the true events of Katherine Gun (played by Kira Knightly), who is a British intelligence specialist and leaked secret information about an illegal NSA spy operation made to urge the UN security council to give approval for the 2003 invasion of Iraq, to the press hoping to avoid this from happening.

I gave this movie this rating due to how it keeps you engaged in what is happening, despite it being a sort of slow burn. Also, from what I heard it stayed true the real events (I’m 17 so I wasn’t old enough to remember it myself) and I like how it used the actual news footage.

This movie is also easy to follow and to know what’s happening.

I highly recommend this film if you love learning about true events/find them interesting.

The green mile (directed by Frank Darabont) – 1999 (18) 5 stars

This film is about Paul Edgecomb (played by Tom Hanks and Dabbs Greer), the commanding officer of the death row cellblock at Cold Mountain Penitentiary in Louisiana, who meets inmate, John Coffey (played by Michael Clarke Duncan), who has been accused of murdering two young girls. Paul’s life isn’t the same when he discovers John’s special gifts.

I gave this movie such a high rating because it’s just such a masterpiece of a movie. The actors did an amazing job at portraying their characters and made sure you like the characters your meant to like, despite what they did in the past and dislike the characters your meant to dislike.

This movie also gave me so many emotions, for example, one moment I’m really happy and the movie is making me feel good then the next I can’t stop crying.

Despite the rating being an 18+, I would recommend to anyone 15+.

*spoilers*

I would like to state that the mouse, Mr. Jingles is my favourite character so, if you have seen it, you can guess that when Percy (played by Doug Hutchinson) stepped on the poor thing busted into tears and then when John healed him, I started crying even more because I was so happy.

I also thought the ending to the film was very poetic in the way the Paul is still alive and that being his curse, and having to see everyone he cares about die, due to John being executed despite, in the end, being innocent.

*spoilers done*

 Those are all the movies I watched this month. Please know that these are my opinions, and its perfectly okay of you have different ones.

This is the first time I have ever done something like this so please let me know how I can improve. And let me know your thoughts. 

[n0-eyedtaissa]

Introduction to Clementine Adams (Outer Banks OC)

Like everyone else recently, I’ve been obsessed with Outer Banks and I literally couldn’t resist making my own character lol. 

Clementine cuts her hair in the bathroom mirror with her father’s kitchen shears, doesn’t say a word about it when she sits down at the dinner table that night. She doesn’t cry at her mother’s funeral. She swallows the knot in her throat and bites at her bottom lip until she tastes warm copper blood. She makes gum-wrapper chain necklaces and blows big bubbles that leave sticky pink residue on the tip of her nose. She stands on the back pegs of her sister’s bicycle as they make their way to the docks after school. Wants new boots for her birthday, and doesn’t mind waking up at the crack of dawn in order to hit the water earlier. Still closes her eyes when her dad’s gutting fish. Hates the briny, too-wet smell of the rope nets full of fresh catch. She ties her father’s old flannel shirts tight around her midriff and stands with her shoulders far back, gets bored trying to bat her eyes at the tanned abs of the First Mates who work on the boat with her dad. Clementine’s too clever for her own good sometimes; a sweet talker and a story-teller, complete with broad gestures and a tittering laugh. She knows that to be able to keep up with the big dogs, being loud is better than fading into the shadows. Her dad tells her that she swears like a sailor, calls her unladylike as he scratches the stubble on his perpetually sunburnt face. 

Clementine actually likes school, actually likes people. Hates that she’s been carted around from seaside city to small town, following where the fish were and the work was. She wants to have roots somewhere, like the big willow tree in the front yard of her childhood home. She can remember the blue shutters and the creaky third step in the staircase, running down the hardwood hallway at full speed and slipping in her pink fuzzy socks. That’s how Clementine got the scar that no one but her can still see. She has an elephant’s memory and is stubborn like a mule. She hums two bars from a song she heard on the radio a week before and grits her teeth as she tries to remember the lyrics to no avail. Clementine’s never smoked a cigarette and had zero plans to start. If she swore like a sailor, she drank like one too. She doesn’t remember it, but Kimber could tell the story in great detail: last year on New Year’s Eve, Clementine got locked in the downstairs bathroom at Aunt Ellie’s house and found the stash of brandy in the linen closet. When they found her hours later she was two sheets to the wind, reclined in the clawfoot bathtub with vomit all over her party dress, cuddling the empty bottle. Kimber had to steal cousin Terry’s two-speed to take Clementine home, trying to steer while balancing Clementine’s lanky limbs on the handlebars and having to stop every few blocks in order for her to blow chunks. Clementine stays away from dark liquor now, tends to stick to the organic stuff. She hides her weed pipe and her stash box in a shoebox in her closet, some old tattered cardboard box that a pair of high heels came in. She only wore the wedges one time, to her mom’s funeral — though she took them off ten minutes into the service. Kept her head held high as she walked barefoot through the aisles of church pews in order to give her speech about her mother. Clementine is the spitting image of her mother, with a big heart and a big mouth that often lead to trouble. 

Clementine thinks that if the Outer Banks are really like “heaven on earth,” more people should reconsider their stance on religion. But she liked driving the moving truck down the dirt roads and watching the brown dust clouds dissipate in the wind. She liked seeing a bunch of people her age around, riding their bikes and laughing. She liked that this felt like a place where they could stay for a little while, like maybe this could be home someday soon. Her dad got a job at the docks; apparently after that summer’s storms, the sandbar shifted and that means the fish did too. July did a number on the island, well, on one half of it. Clementine knows enough about wealth disparity to realize how her dad was able to afford a house on this side of the island. It wasn’t like the big Colonial houses with air conditioning and Escalades parked in the driveway atop the stamped concrete. They didn’t have a dock that led straight from their backyard down to the water, or a big boat with an ostentatious name. It was a humble home and that’s all that Clementine and her father needed. It’s exactly what they were: humble. Clementine Adams meets Kiara Carrera at a time that feels like fate. Like maybe magic was still real and there were still good people left in such a cruel world. She finds out that the good people are great and the rich people were worse; money can buy a lot of things but it can’t buy community. She finds out what it means to be a Pogue and how that set her apart from other people, quickly finds out that the world is still cruel and would always be to the little guys; the throwaway fish like Clementine and her almost-friends. Almost, like Clementine was still unsure if she’d be kicked to the curb after one wrong move. JJ called it her “interview,” but Pope promised that she fit in easily, that John B would’ve taken well to her. She didn’t know anyone named John B and she wasn’t introduced to one, but she saw how people’s features creased when the name ‘Routledge’ was mentioned and she’s smart enough not to ask any more questions. She likes mysteries, liked being able to put all of the puzzle pieces together to see the bigger picture. She liked being three steps ahead of her opponent, whether that was in life or in chess, and that was a skill that made her useful to the Pogues.

[skgway]

1823 July, Fri. 18

7 55/60

12 50/60

1/2 hour in the stable (look after the horses, giving Hotspur oat-cake) and just walked a little down the lane to see that the hay-makers were at work – At breakfast at 9 1/2 from 10 to 11 10/60, sauntered with my aunt into the Allan-car to see the hay-makers there – And weeded the quick-wood hedge planted there in the winter – Making dye and blacking for the gig after M– [Mariana]’s receipt –

At 11 40/60 took George in the gig, and drove the black mare outside Skircoat moor – In returning called at Mr. Wiglesworth’s and brought back Baines’s Yorkshire Directory etc. 2 volumes which Mr. W– [Wigglesworth] yesterday promised to lend us –

Got home at 1 10/60 – Went into the hayfield (the Pearson Ing) with my aunt and did not come in till 1 3/4 – Curled my hair, had it pinched ready for evening – Note from Miss Pickford, a line or 2 to say her nephew Sir Joseph Radcliffe was come to Savile hill, and she could not walk with me this afternoon – We were to have met at Whitley’s at 4 1/4 – Sent the servant back with my compliments no answer required –

Mean to write her a little note relative to her question when she last drank tea here about the funeral rites of the Scythians – Looking over Larcher’s notes on the subject; turned according to his reference, to libro iv. capitulo 1. Ælian – Hustled over Plutarch’s lives at the name Theodosus; but of course could not find what I wanted, not having Plutarch’s libro αὐταρϰῪϛ Ὑ ϰακία etc. An vitiositas ad infelicitatiene sufficiat vide Ælian as above, and Larcher volume iii. page 491 –

Wrote the last 9 lines of today, dressed and went down to dinner at 4 55/60. At 5 3/4 down the old bank to Well-head, got there at 6 by the church – Only the family – Mr. and Mrs. W– [Waterhouse] and their 3 oldest daughters – Speaking of parliamentary elections said there was no subject on which I felt more warmly – Wished for another contested election, and that we might be able to bring in 2 ministerial members –

Mr. Wortley we all observed was likely to have a seat with the pews – When should we get in his place – Lord Harewood had not a son fit for it – We did not know whom to mention – But so far from 2 blue members Mr. W– [Wortley] feared we should not have one – I maintained Mr. Lascelles had lost his contested election thro’ want of better management and the rascality of his York attorney, not Woolley, who kept letters (respecting votes) in his pocket unopened till it was too late for them to be of use –

But the other party always outwitted us – We were always too late, or too supine – Coupled Mr. W– [Wortley] on his good judgement in not voting at all at the election of a law – Against to the navigation company – He said it was neither forgotten nor forgiven by some of the party (of course) Mr. and Mrs. James Stansfield) who said Mr. W– [Wortley] acted thus on account of religion – and “the election was lost for righteousness sake” – (Mr. James S– [Stansfield] is a unitarian) – This led me to remark that Mr. W– [Wortley]’s vote could not have gained the election: as it was 2 gents voted who had no votes; and, to say nothing of this, my uncle as chairman would have had the casting vote, and thus must have given the election to Mr. James Norris –

I then observed pretty severely upon the means the Messieurs Rawson and Briggs had taken in favour of Mr. James S– [Stansfield] their instigating Mrs. Christopher Saltmarshe’s note to me (of Tuesday 27 May 1823) begging me to use my influence with my uncle “that in case” (to use Mrs. S– [Saltmarshe]’s own written words) “Mr. L– [Lascelle] had promised has vote to Mr. N– [Norris] and at the same time, did not feel interest in his obtaining the appointment: but had given his vote, as many do – to the first applicant and not from wishing him to succeed. And if it would not be taking too great a liberty to ask such a favour – that he would have the goodness not to present himself, at all, at the election but preserve a neutrality”  –

I observed that a note to ask me to ask my uncle to break his word if given, was an insult; that, if almost any one else had ventured to do such a thing to me, I should never have spoken to them again, but then I excused Emma; it must be her ignorance – Her yielding to her brother Mr. Stansfield Rawson; I knew, I felt assured, she did not mean an insult; she had even so excused herself and so apologized in her note that I would not take any serious notice of it, but, being out when the note arrived, I had never written any answer to it but merely called, and turned it off in joke – Adding that they little thought how much I was the last person in the world to whom such a note could be addressed with impunity, and that, so far from influencing my uncle as they wished, I had done just the contrary; –

For, in fact, my uncle’s vote was not promised – He was at liberty to stay at home if he chose he had made no promises, he had merely said to Mr. N– [Norris]’s oldest brother when he called, that he “thought he should not be his enemy” – But I told my uncle the easiest way would be to say at once, he had promised his vote – And if it was possible that he should be determined to go to vote for Mr. N– [Norris]. Thus, said I, they absolutely defeated their own ends –

Said I had merely laughed to Emma, saying her note was far too late – She ought to have written a week before – I mentioned too, to the W– [Waterhouse]s having drank tea at Lightcliffe some time before this, and that what Mr. P– [Priestley] said had put me a little on my guard, for he, Mr. P– [Priestley], was anxious not to have Mr. N– [Norris] elected, but tho’ I did not then agree with him (knew nothing of Mr. N– [Norris]’s alleged setting himself up – Being too meddling – Too blabbing – Likely to injure the navigation – Concerns by too much influence, his older brother being clerk to the company) yet I had merely laughed and said Bless me, we must think of all this –

We have all been gulled into thinking Mr. N– [Norris] a very proper person and said if we had a hundred votes we should give him them all – But I would tell my uncle what he (Mr. P– [Priestley]) said, and we must think of it – Determined then to advise my uncle to give Mr. N– [Norris] his vote, tho’ it was quite unnecessary to tell the P– [Priestley]s this –

It appeared that Mr. and Mrs. W– [Waterhouse] had gone to the Saltmarshes about 1/4 hour after Mrs. Saltmarshe had sent the note – They condemned it at the time, so did Mrs. Rawson of Stony-Royde; and Mr. Saltmarshe declared, if he had been at home, Emma should not have sent it – But said I, the matter did not rest here; for afterwards there came a note (I believed in Mr. Stansfield R– [Rawson]’s hand-writing) written in the names of the bank-firm to my uncle himself, making the same request Emma had done; and still, not satisfied with this, Mr. Briggs, bringing with him Mr. William Priestley (of Lightcliffe) had after this called on my uncle; and Mr. B– [Briggs] had the effrontery or ignorance to make the same proposal to my uncle of staying at home – Of breaking his word if given –

I believed my uncle was a little agitated (he looked so when he returned to us in the breakfast room) that any man should make him such a proposal – But he calculated on the ignorance of the person – Knew he could not mean to insult him – Kept his temper, and calmly said –  “He could not do it – He must be consistent with himself” – Mr. W[illiam] P[riestley] knew too well what he was about to say a word of such a thing – He said nothing but simply that he thought if his uncle had been alive (the late John Walker Esquire of Crownest) he would have given his vote to Mr. Stansfield –

Both Mr. & Mrs. W– [Waterhouse] quite agreed in the justice of my remarks – Mr. W– [Waterhouse] quite surprised that Mr. Stansfield R– [Rawson] – Should have written such a note – He never knew of this near of Mr. Briggs’s calling – He knew they had done this to a Mr. Crossley (at or near Rochdale) whom they had persuaded to stay away, after he promised to give Mr. N– [Norris] his vote; – He knew they had tried to persuade Mr. Thomas Dyson of Willow-edge to do the same; but he had never thought they would make such an attempt with my uncle – Broadly insinuated, he did not think they durst – It was an insult to a gentleman –

The subject turned for a minute or 2 to Mrs. Empson – Mrs. Waterhouse had heard something I had said of her (Mrs. W– [Waterhouse]) and she had “long meant to give me a wipe” – I saw Mr. W– [Waterhouse] was a check upon her – He did not wish her to name it – At last I succeeded in learning that I “was very cool”, but I had said “I never saw Mrs. Empson so like Mrs. Waterhouse” that is as she (Mrs. E– [Empson]) was when she was telling her mind – I replied I had no recollection of making such a speech: it was very unlike me to do so: nor did I believe I had made it – But I perhaps I might  

Mrs. W– [Waterhouse] must be aware the similitude might be good in 2 points – I had seen Mrs. W– [Waterhouse] out of temper and she had once behaved to me in a very unintelligible way: but I had forgotten or rather overlooked it, and it was very unlike me to revert to it in such a many –

If I had said it at all, it must have been merely to my uncle and aunt at home; but certainly if I really had said it elsewhere it was in confidence to Mrs. Rawson of Stony Royde or more probably to Mrs. Saltmarshe (which however I did not could not believe to be the case unless one of them should assert it); and I should know better how to say things in confidence in future –

However; I begged Mrs. W– [Waterhouse] to understand that said or unsaid I was very happy to make her any and every apology in my power, laughing and adding I knew her to be really good at heart – I would not quarrel with her – She was now a privileged person, and might say what she liked – As for Mrs. E– [Empson] “Love rashly formed too often ends in hate”, and I dared say she how hated me as much as she had ever done the contrary –  “No! No! You are mistaken she does not do that” – “Then”, said I, “I have done her unjustice but it is too late now to say anything about it – It is a dead cut between us – I may speak to her at other places or how I did so in York – But here perhaps I may take no notice of her at all” –

Mrs. W– [Waterhouse] and I parted very good friends and I came away at 8 55/60 – Mr. W– [Waterhouse] set off to walk a part of the way home with me, came all the way, I persuaded him to come in to see my uncle and aunt, and he sat with us till 10 55/60 – As we walked along, I asked if he did not think this business of the Greenups a rascally thing: of course, he did not like to say yes, at once but certainly did not contradict it, quite the contrary –

He said no attorney in the town would have done for them for Mr. James Norris has unless it was a young man, and had a character to lose – But he had gone thro’ a great deal – He had been kicked out of the room, and buffeted about, and abused – Ashewed, very worthy man (a creditor of the G– [Greenups]) had said to Mr. W– [Waterhouse] that they ought to be very much obliged to Mr. N– [Norris] they ought to make him a very handsome present, but perhaps he had done himself more harm than any good the G– [Greenups] could do him – 

I said, had my uncle known all this before the election, he would have staid at home – For he had too much the feeling of a gentleman and the principle of an honest man to countenance, or appear to countenance such conduct in any one – I thought the G– [Greenups] would make £20,000 by this business – Mr. W– [Waterhouse] thought they would make half thin debt – That if they owe as was said fifty-thousand pounds according to Mr. W– [Waterhouse] they will clear £25,000 – I thought such things ought not not to be overlooked – such people ought not to be noticed – Mr. W– [Waterhouse] agreed; but, said he, “these things get over, and in a few years are forgotten” –

Sat up talking to my uncle and aunt till 11 50/60. Spiriting up my uncle about the pride of the family about Shibden etc.  Having Pontey or Mickle improving the place which I always take every opportunity of urging and I think I shall succeed at last –

After coming upstairs began thinking of a contested election and a plan for bringing two blue members. Thought of writing anonymous from Bradford (but to be dire[c]ted to me here) to ask the chancellor of the exchequer whom we should choose if Wortley is made a peer. Began building castles about the result of my success, the notoriety it would gain me, an introduction at court perhaps, a barony etc. etc.

A glass of hot red wine neguss taken with Mr W[aterhouse] (I never take any) heated me. I thought of myself how slight the partition between sanity and not. The blood seemed in my head. I was not likely to sleep. I tried to compose myself by thinking [of] that almighty being who had created me. I had already said my prayers fervently and on getting into bed began repeating the lord’s prayer aloud again and again for ten minutes till the tears trickled down my face and at a little after it struck one fell asleep –

No rain today except a slight shower about 2 o’clock which could not do much harm to the hay – Yet a dull day – No sun – No drought – Yet got in nine loads – Very soft, and damp, too much so I fear –

[lalunangel]

my dad

i knew my dad in my youth vaguely enough to know he was my papa. he had been gone for literal years and every time he popped in he would cause some heartache and i really started to dislike him. my mom even convinced me that i was the reason he didn’t come around and that he was bad because he hated me so i developed a deep hatred for me dad.

but.. at 14 i gave him a chance. because although he caused a lot of suffering and never played the dad role in my life and i was already basically an adult.. i held no illwill towards him.

so at 14 i was heavily into reading all sorts of books. adult books too. i didn’t ever like to openly admit it but i thought that it was always so interesting. my dad connected to me the best way he could. he read my books. we started a series together but stopped halfway because we couldn’t afford to buy new books every other day. so we never finished it. i still have the books he bought me. they’re very special to me.

my dad became my best friend. so much that i finally started to open up to him about the abuse i endured living with my mom. what boys would do to me. how i hurt myself. how i was severely depressed and no one noticed and why i scream in my sleep. my dad was so kind and willing to learn more about me and take care of me.. i moved in with him by the end of the school year and i lived with him until the summer of graduation.

my dad passed away june 9, 2018. from a heart attack caused by a blood clot. i graduated from high school a couple weeks before. he didn’t bother to go and came up with a shit excuse that i didn’t fall for. i was angry and disappointed. my mom didn’t show either but my mom never looked or wanted success for me. only my dad so i was broken by the fact that my grandma showed and my sister and two distant cousins but not my papa. the only reason i stuck with school and worked hard for good grades. i wouldn’t settle for a c or even b’s because i wanted to make him proud.

i remember the day he died. i finally forgave him for what he did or- didn’t do.. the day before so we were back on good terms. and he asked me to wake him up before i left for work. i did. “Hey papa it’s 6am it’s time to get up” and he woke up with his sleepy face and no glasses and i’m never going to forget.. he got out of bed and said “thank you baby” and i smiled and said “no problem. i gotta go. i love you so much i’ll see you soon!” and he said “i love you too squeeze” i ran up the stairs and went to work. i didn’t get off until 6. it was summer and i wanted to work so hard that i could afford to move out and be happy in my own place and make my dad proud. i got home and i didn’t realize how tired i was and i fell asleep in my work clothes on the pull out couch bed i bought myself from a garage sale a couple months back. i remember him waking me up and laughing about how i needed to change and i needed to eat. it was already really late when he woke me up. i changed into my jammies and i gave him a hug. and i went to eat dinner with my grandma and tell her about my day. my dad ate with us and then went to his room and i sat there. very dazed from my nap. and then he ran into the room saying it hurt. and crying. and begging me to call 911. so i did. i didn’t know what to say. i just wanted him to feel better. i didn’t know what cardiac arrest was until that night. i watched him die.. and then come back.. and for him to say he loved us and beg god to not take him.. and i sat there crying...when they finally showed up they didn’t help much. they couldn’t have anyway. for a year i blamed myself for him dying... i should’ve called sooner.. i should’ve taken him myself. my sister and grandma went to the hospital and told me to stay because he was going to be fine and i had work the next day... 1am came and my sister called my crying.. and i didn’t hesitate to grab my keys and hall ass to the hospital. i didn’t cry that night. i shook violently. i held my sister. i called my mom.. because for once she needed to be a mom.

my mom showed up and my sister curled up in her arms and cried. and i just sat there holding my grandma. i was really sad but i was still processing that my best friend died.. when we finally all went home after we sat there for four hours with his body and my family crying. i went to my room and laid back down and looked at his room door and thought about he wasn’t going to come out that door. that the light wasn’t going to turn on randomly at 3am. that he wasn’t there. and i fell asleep because it rained the whole night. and the next day.. and the next two weeks. i remember dreaming about him telling me he loved me and that he was sorry. and the rain. so when i woke up i thought IT WAS JUST A BAD DREAM!!! but it wasn’t.. i got out of bed..my family still asleep... i went to his room to wake him up.. and i fell to my knees because i knew better and he wasn’t there and his bed was the same as last night and everything was messy and i finally cried.. while everyone else slept. i went back to my room and called my job to let them know i wasn’t able to make it in and explained why. but that i would be back my next working day... because i don’t have time to disappoint him.. and i felt it was all my fault so i needed a distraction. my manager forced me off the schedule for two weeks.. and wouldn’t allow me to pick up shifts because “you need to heal and you can’t heal if you’re constantly hurting at work” so i had to take two weeks- she gave it to me paid. my family from all over came to visit and see him off and comfort us. family apologized to me for not being able to help. apologized to me for my loss. everyone was crying except me.. my mom was even crying... it wasn’t until my dads friend valarie showed up that i finally let everyone see how sad i really was. i held onto her and cried so ugly i ruined her pretty dress. she combed my hair and kissed my forehead- i’m 19... i was an adult. and i was crying like i was a toddler just because someone i found comforting finally showed up. i cried so hard i hiccuped. i cried so hard that everyone gathered around me and hugged me. it was awful. i’m not the attention type. i’m a crybaby by nature but this was my papa. and he died in front of me... and i hadn’t cried for four days.. and here i am crying to an almost stranger and telling her i’m sorry like it’s going to help god bring him back. she didn’t mind. she loved me so hard that i hardly felt sad when i was done.

my family needed a consoling speech the day of the funeral. a way of saying thank you everyone who came. and thank you for being kind to my dad. no one wanted to do it. this is the day after i cried like an ugly baby. and my sweet angelic valarie told me i should say some things. i am riddled with anxiety and i dislike a large portion of my family... and don’t know another large portion. none of my friends who knew my dad showed up. it was just me and my sister. alone in the world again. so i stood up.. and walked to the microphone.. and i shook very violently and my voice was very shaky.. just saying hi to them and saying thank you for coming... my family is not supportive of many things and they don’t believe in my anxiety.., but that day they put aside their beliefs and yelled “we love you angel” “we’ll always be here” “we’re glad you’re talking” “mija it’s okay if you can’t do this” and i shook so violently that my sister who at the time was just 14...had to hold me so i stopped. i laughed after hearing all the nice things.. and the support. and i finally spoke about my dad. i didn’t have a lot to say because i was only 14.. but i knew so much that i spoke enough to comfort my family.

i don’t remember what i said- but i know i said thank you. and i made jokes about my dad. and talked about all the good memories i had with him. and how grateful i was because he wanted me so much. and that i was sad and that i was sorry i wasn’t crying but i wanted to be strong for those who felt much worse than me. and i remember one by one each of them slowly standing up and saying “We love you girls” to my sister and i while we stood up there. i remember shaking so hard that valarie stood up and went to hold my hand and how i laughed nervously and said “i want to cry because this is a really nice moment but also i’m deeply hurting. i just want all of us to heal and for god to give us his light back” and shaking so hard that valarie latched herself on to me and my sister. and she spoke on behalf of us the rest of the time while we stood there. i was 18- my sister 14. if you didn’t know our age we looked like two 10y/o’s shaking under the pressure. this really sad song dad liked a lot played after and i turned around and hugged my sister.. who was crying so hard and ugly that i was afraid that they only heard her. we sat there next to him on the floor shaking and crying and hugging for what felt like hours... our home was gone.. my grandma got up and kneeled down and hugged us.. and so did my grandpa.. and my tías.. and all of my cousins... shaking... i remember shaking so hard and hearing my sisters ugly sobs and thinking “who would’ve thought we would love you this much” i.. know if my mom died i wouldn’t cry. i wouldn’t shake. i’d sit there and comfort my family. my sister and my grandma are very different for me.. i love them with everything... like i loved my dad... and i remember thinking “you finally brought us all together” he finally did it... in the worst way possible... we went to the cemetery which is really far- and i apparently shook so much my body was tired i fell asleep on the ride on my grandpas shoulder.. he didn’t hesitate to hold me. we fell asleep together... and i woke up thinking my dad was holding me.. and clinging to my grandpa the rest of the day... he wouldn’t let me go either. he held me so tight that i thought i’d burst. i remember them praying loudly when they were putting sand on the coffin. i remember the loud sobs from people i didn’t know. i reply great grandma sitting next to me shaking just like me and saying “aye gordo why so soon mijo” and it was over.

they all came to my grandmas and spent the day together. drinking. having fun. and i sat in my room. i didn’t have a real room- i had a corner with a curtain dividing it from the space. everyone singing and dancing.. everyone happy.. and i thought “maybe i can cry now” and it didn’t come. i didn’t cry about losing my dad until i went back to work. i was so ready. i started strong and halfway through...a coworker talked about her dad. how he calls her princess.. she’s 50... and i smiled and said “mine calls me all sorts of names but my favorite is squeeze” my dad called my angel baby and i was in love with it for forever until a boy ruined that for me. he called me baby cakes. chunkers. mac to his cheese my dad called me all sorts of names.. Zoe Jane... izz. goober.. luna.. his star.. his flower.. i along side me sister was his world.. and i loved it.. he’d sing to me if i was sad and i took that for granted. he gave me all the great qualities to be a good adult. a good person. and i took it all for granted. she asked me all sorts of questions about him. if he had tattoos. what he liked to do in his free time... i never realized but all those answers were right on the surface because i memorized him. he had 11 tattoos. he liked to fish and paint and garden in his free time. he liked rock music but could enjoy literally anything as long as it made him feel something. he liked to read and he wouldn’t turn down girly pre teen books either. he liked being alive.. and when i told her these things she looked at me and asked why i was crying... and i wiped my tears and laughed and said “that’s a health code violation” and walked away... i had to take a break after that. they weren’t allowed to talk about dads after that for months. i wasn’t sensitive to it.. i would just talk about my dad like he was alive and it made them worry for me... one day i turned in my two weeks and said goodbye to them and i felt really sad because outside of my family- these were the only people to care about me.. and my loss. they supported me and prayed with and for me.. they helped me heal.. when all my “friends” abandoned me. i was incredibly sad to leave.

I think about that year so much.. how all my dad wanted me to do was make amends with everyone in my life and i couldn’t. i couldn’t sit there and say sorry or admit the hurt i was going through.. i was too stubborn.

I still sit in my car and wonder what it’d be like to see you drive it.. or to see you be a passenger again in the car while holding a beer. Would you listen to olivia rodrigo with me..? would we be okay..? I hate your birthday so much because it’s so fucking heavy.. your death date.. it’s so heavy and i get so angry.. why is everything so fucking heavy.. I can’t even explain the lengths my heart have gone through to attempt at healing. It’s so horrible and lonely.. i want to scream so loud now.. I’m 21.. i want to scream so loudly that my voice is heard over the corners of the game you and they hear the anguish i’m in. I want someone to take the pain away already. I want someone to see me... to really see me and the hurt in my heart and tell me i’ll be okay.. tell me it’ll get better but it never stops hurting. it’ll never stop hurting.. i’m so ANGRY AT THE WORLD FOR TAKING YOU AWAY FROM ME! i’m so angry.. i’m so angry that i’m hurting so much..

i want to scream so loud that someone learns the language of it and screams with me.. i hate you.. i hate you because you left me.. i need you everyday and it’s fucking agony and i only use swear words to enhance the things i have to say because if i’m honest.. i won’t be able to comply what i feel in basic words.

i’ve cried more about you at 21 than i ever did at 18 and i’m so sorry.. you deserve a more feeling daughter and i denied you.. i denied you all my life..

i decided to get your handwriting tattooed on me. i don’t care about the risk of losing grandmas love or approval.. i don’t care about the risks anymore.. i just want to feel again.

i hate what an unfeeling bitch i’ve become to some people.. i hate how over loving i am for others.

i’ll never be satisfied with myself.. because i can’t hear you telling me what’s wrong with me anymore.

[redspiderling]

Next on “Do the Russos even know how to direct”

We have Civil War.

In this instalment we are going to focus on the following:

Camera Angles

Lighting

Locations

Let’s start with some easy stuff: the Church scene.

There are several things wrong here but first I feel like I should congratulate them for getting the ENTIRE faces of the actors on screen. Well done Russos.

I am left to wonder though, what’s with the angle? The camera is well below eye level, and it’s tilted. There are specific reasons why a director might use a tilt in the camera angle, for dramatic effect usually to portray imbalance, a moment of uncertainty for the characters etc. 

The script of the movie though has led us to believe that Steve gained his equilibrium after Sharon’s speech at the funeral, so he’s actually much more grounded now than he was during the meeting at Avengers HQ. Natasha is never imbalanced, and she definitely wasn’t during that time since she had made her position quite clear early on.

Thus, I am left baffled by the tilts and angles employed here. My eyes are feeling tired and I’m the one off-balance trying to figure out why they decided suCH ExtrEME AngLEs were necessary. 

It’s like a first year film student trying out weird shots for the heck of it, even if the characters are just having breakfast.

Also this

Was it really that hard to put the fucking mark a step to the right so they’d be centred? Why should my eyes bleed with your compositing Russos?! Also, we are we watching them from slightly above the floor, whyyyyyy?

Lets see a good example in a similar setting

Aaaah, the joys of being parallel to the ground and not watching the world like a drunkard. Note: this film was partially crowdfunded, yet this film-maker knew how to best position the camera AND, to use lighting as a storytelling tool to create tension and drama.

Let’s talk about lighting. Look at the frames bellow

If you hadn’t seen the film a dozen times, would you have been able to tell that these scenes took place in completely different settings, at completely different times, and with a completely different context? I know I wouldn’t. Everything, including tony’s clothes, is exactly the same. Same lighting, similar nondescript office space same weird tilts. 

I could argue with myself that they’re trying to offer character perspective, but it’s completely unnecessary and thus doesn’t work. There’s no reason to move the camera around just because one of the characters is sitting down, much less tilt it. 

I should note here that the Russos get away with A LOT thanks to how good the actors are. I mean, look at the disbelief on Sam and Tony’s face when Natasha agrees with Tony, and the self-satisfied smile on Tony’s face when he realises he knows something Natasha doesn’t (the spider kid). I also love how Tony says “case closed” the moment Natasha states her opinion. They knew she was the one that would seal the deal. Too bad character moments like that are cut as fast as possible.

To get back on track, character perspective should be employed when it’s of some use. There’s no reason to attempt (badly, I might add) to get Natasha’s perspective in these scenes. It doesn’t offer any information to the viewer and it’s just weird. Lets take some lessons from miss Fisher. The characters in a public setting

and the characters in a private setting

Everything is different even though the scenes are minutes appart. The light is employed to indicate the passing of time, top is morning, bottom is early evening. Top is more jovial, bottom is dim and intimate, this is a private discussion.

Also, note how, even though some of the characters are sitting down and some are standing up, the camera doesn’t tilt, or follow them around for no reason. Instead what it does, is slowly close in the more intimate the conversation gets.

Yet another thing the MCU lacks: a moving camera. 

The characters in the MCU are never allowed to breath on screen. There are constant cuts between shots, which means the actors don’t really get to dive into what they’re saying, and we’re not given the chance to really get a feeling of their emotional state. When a camera is allowed to roll, we get a much more complete sense of a discussion, because we get the quite moments and we get to slowly get to a close-up, instead of cut straight to it.

Moving on to talking about location. Take a look at these shots

Same generic lighting, same generic backgrounds (but OMG LOOK! They learned how to use focus blur!). 

Nothing in the frames above says anything of significance about the locations. The light is so eerily similar. It doesn’t offer anything in terms of atmosphere, we can’t tell how Natasha feels by looking at the location. One of them takes place, presumably, in her home, another is after a funeral, and bottom one is at the UN headquarters in Europe. Yet nothing screams “home” in the scene after the meeting at Avengers HQ, even the furniture look like they came out of a magazine. Nothing on screen, aside from Natasha herself, gives us any insight into what’s happening with the plot, and the emotional state of the character.

By the way, this is why the MCU uses labels a lot. “VIENNA”, “10 weeks later”. They don’t use the tools that they have properly, which leads to us viewers having no concept of time and space. Hell, the entire Civil War could have taken place during lunch hour on a Wednesday as far as we’re concerned.

Let’s take another lesson from Miss Fisher.

Location 1, morning, indoors

Location 2, midday, outdoors

The light already shows signs of difference, even though the scenes are a few hours away. Notice 2 things: a) The light is dimmer in the outdoors shot, and you’ll realise later why. b) The location is made clear by a sign on the fucking door, not to mention the character reads it out loud. No need for huge titles to cover the screen.

Location 2, evening, indoors

Intimate lighting, characters have taken outer layers of clothing off since they’ve been here for a while.

Location 2, night time, indoors

I can’t possibly stress this enough. Lighting.Is.Crucial. 

In the span of a few scenes, we have moved from nondescript, to intimate, to slightly creepy, because that’s what the script demanded of it.

Time is a very important element of film-making as well. We lose part of our connection to the characters, and to the plot, if we can’t figure out the timeline on which the events on screen unfold.

And an Easter Egg to close this post: Location 2, night time, outdoors

It’s raining. The film takes place in London. The weather is fickle in London, which means that even though they had a sunny morning, by midday the sky got cloudy (hence the dimmed light in the outdoors shot of location 2) by night time it was raining like hell.

Those are details that might seem minor, but are actually very significant. They add realism, tension, and a sense of story. It’s London. It’s going to rain, characters will have to deal with it. This, is what my professors were talking about when they were telling us that everything on camera has to have a reason to be there. The Russos are not film-makers, they’re hacks.

[elydraws]

B A S I C • I N F O R M A T I O N

Name: Unmei Nakano 

Kanji: 運 命 中 野, Unmei Nakano 

Alias: Unmei-chan (only Twice calls her that), Sister (Toga), Lady Hazard (Villain name) 

Nickname: To annoy her, Dabi always calls her with some nicknames like "sweetness" or "baby doll", "Crow Girl" from Bakugo (In Japan the croaking of a crow means that something bad will happen). 

Gender: Female 

Years: 19

Birthday: November 11 (Scorpio) 

Nationality: Japanese 

Villain Name: Lady Hazard

BACKGROUND: Unmei Nakano, also known as Lady Hazard, is currently one of the best Tokyo thieves still around, who has not yet died or been arrested by the police. 

CHILDHOOD 

Unmei was born in Tokyo, Japan, as the eldest son of the Nakano couple two years after their marriage. 

Toshi, her father, works as an office worker and is part of the small percentage of the Quirk-free population. 

Hinata, her mother, like all women in the Nekomata family, owns the Quirk 'Good Luck' which allows her to manipulate her own fortune and that of others -with certain limits-. She also works as a saleswoman in an important clothing store in a shopping center. 

So when Unmei, at four years old, starts showing the first distinctive signs of maternal Quirk, it is not a surprise for both parents. 

And at that time Hinata discovers she is pregnant again, giving birth to a small boy. But the happy news is cracked by the tragedy, in going to the hospital from his office, Toshi remains involved in an accident caused by the attempt of some heroes to stop a robbery. 

The man dies a few hours later without being able to see the second son. 

The event is categorized as a 'service accident', the family, on the day of the funeral, is only given a moving preprinted speech by the mayor while Unmei and her mother are left alone with their pain. 

Widow, with two dependent children, Hinata finds herself inundated with debt. The job at the shop does not allow her to look after the two children full time, and, with reduced hours, she finds it hard to get to the end of the month. 

Desperate, she begins to steal from supermarkets to guarantee food for her children, and thanks to her Quirk, she is never discovered. 

The idea, however absurd, slowly forms itself shaped by despair and anger as she sees her children grow in sacrifice. Under the name 'Black Cat', she begins her climb as a thief to ensure her and her children a brighter future. 

Her fame grows as she juggles between robberies at night and her mother full time during the day, until her name reaches the ears of the high spheres and nothing less than Heroes n ° 2, Endeavor. 

This field will be completed as soon as its past is revealed in history.

P E R S O N A L • I N F O R M A T I O N

Positive: Bold | Determined | Witty | Independent | Ingenious | Passionate | Direct 

Negatives: Stubborn | Proud | Hostile | Ironic | Emotional | Tough 

Unmei lives her emotions intensely and often struggles to manage them, in front of others she hides behind a mask of cold and harsh irony so as not to show her weaknesses, but alone, often, she is overwhelmed by what she feels. Probably due to past traumas, she can hardly process her pain or what makes her suffer leading to violent and sudden outbursts of anger. She is wary of strangers and doesn't like surprises. 

Over the years living alone on the street, Unmei has learned not to trust anyone and to be very cautious with every move she makes in order not to receive a one-way ticket for Tartarus. 

 This field will be completed as the story progresses. 

✔ Love: Bubble Tea, cats, lipsticks, ice cream, trash horror films 

✖ Dislikes: Endeavor, vegetables, hunger, cold, dark, arrogant and those who underestimate her. 

- Hobbies: Shopping and Martial Arts 

- Fears: abandonment and flames 

Habits: when thoughtless she nibbles her lower lip or absently drums her fingers, tends to fall asleep late at night and wake up late in the morning.

A P P E A R A N C E:

Hair: Long and wavy. Greens oil hair.

Eyes: Purple

Height: 165.5 cm | 5"4'

Weight: 52 kg | 114,64 lbs

Physical: lean and athletic. Slightly higher than the national average.

Description

She loves Korean street fashion and refers to it with many of her outfits, Unmei prefers a casual and athletic style, but mainly because she hasn't had many opportunities to wear something formal, and she's not used to it. She feels embarrassed about clothes, especially the more "fluttering" ones. By far she prefers shorts. 

She really likes crop tops and, in total contrast, oversized sweaters or coats in winter.

VILLAIN COSTUME: This field will be completed as you progress through history.

Q U I R K • and • A B I L I T I E S

Quirk Name: Good Luck 【キ チ】

Type: Emitter

Description: 

The bearer of the Quirk is always surrounded by an aura of good luck. By touching a person or having him in his field of vision within 10 meters, the aura can also be extended to other people. The higher the number of objectives, the lower the duration and effectiveness of the Quirk. Also, by touching an enemy, you can get the opposite effect and "absorb" his luck and thus bring him bad luck. This move allows the user to recharge their luck and be able to continue using their power.

Luck/misfortune alters events around opponents, distorting reality in favor of the Quirk owner.

Excessive use causes the complete loss of the aura of good luck around the user with a consequent paradox effect.

MOVES: 

This field will be completed with the advancement in history.

Power:

This field will be completed with the advancement in history.

Weakness:

This field will be completed with the advancement in history.

STATISTICS:

- Power: 2/5 D

- Speed: 4/5 B

- Technique: 5/5 A

- Intelligence: 4/5 B

- Cooperativeness: 2/5 D

Physical parameter:

- Power: 2/5 D

- Speed: 4/5 B

- Endurance: 3/5 C

- Reaction: 4/5 B

-Flexibility: 4/5 B

-Teamwork: 2/5 D

EQUIPMENT:

1. Lady Hazard Bodysuit: her full-length thief suit is made of a reinforced bulletproof material that can absorb the impact of the latter in medium and long distances. Short-range prevents her from being killed by the shot, but the blow could leave her stunned or seriously injured especially with larger caliber pistols.

2. Grapple: thanks to Giran, the Unmei suit was equipped with a special grappling hook enclosed within the metal bracelets around the wrists. When she needs it, at Unmei she just has to aim and press a button to be able to climb any wall and reach any point.

3. Night visor: The helmet that she wears during her thefts not only allows her not to be recognized by the cameras or by any witnesses but, depending on the situation, always allows her to be able to keep an eye on the situation thanks to special sensors. In addition, the helmet also functions as a gas mask.

4. Multitasking belt.

5. Bō: secured on the back, Unmei has an extendable stick to use in the event of a collision.

6. EMP grenades.