#the hardest part is i'm gonna have to decide 1. which ones actually get posted and 2. what order to even post em in lmao

[bonetrousledbones]

the thing you all need to understand about writing ebony is that he's like if a middle aged man in an action movie splashing water on his face and glaring in the mirror was freshly 20 years old and also kind of an anime girl

[changisworld]

“Why do you make me feel like this, pretty?”

fuckboy!hyunjin x reader

Word count; 5,902

Summary: After hyunjin took your virginity, you grew attached despite trying your hardest not to. You find out he hooked up with someone the day after it happened which broke your heart, making you cry.. but of course, hyunjin caught you crying. He didn’t really know what he felt, it being new to him, as he tries to refuse the silly ideas popping into his brain, he can’t ignore how much you being upset is making his heart.. hurt?? Surely he doesn’t like you too..?

18+ ONLY, MDNI, SMUT UNDER THE CUT.

©ANY translation, copy & paste, posting of my work is strictly forbidden for ANY posts/ writing i post.

main masterlist here

part 3 here

**This can be read on its own despite it probably being confusing but i highly recommend reading part 1!**

SMUT WARNINGS: spit/drool, PIV, needy reader, pet names, shyish reader, rimming( f rec), oral ( f rec), fingering (f rec), finger sucking, unprotected sex, jealous jinnie, edging???,pull out method, literally 1 spank, slight dacryphilia, jealous jinnie, soft jinnie, kind jinnie, hyunjins a tease obvs, slight aftercare, wayyy fluffier ending than last time you're welcome!!

You & Hyunjin walk off campus, you still hiding your face from him, embarrassed at the tears now staining your cheeks, your face tinged red, you also don't fail to miss the looks you & Hyunjin are receiving from other students walking past the both of you, his arm still around you & you can't help but feel judged, so you push his arm off.

"Forget the cafe, I'm just gonna go home, I feel.. sick. I'll see you later Hyunjin." you murmur, still not looking at him in the eye.

"Y/n stop being weird, just cmon. I promise to cheer you up." He replies back, reaching out to cup your cheek but you move your head before murmuring a quick 'bye' before walking away from him hastily, leaving him standing there, confused & a bit annoyed.

He watches as you turn the corner & he huffs before kicking a stone nearby. 'Why do I care she's actually upset? 'What did I do wrong?' 'I hope she's okay' & 'Shit how can I apologise' are all thoughts that race through his head, no matter how much he tries to shake it all off, he genuinely feels guilty. But why? He never feels sorry for the girls he fucks n chucks, so what makes it different? He barely even knows you? He only spoke to you for a week which is barely anything. He sighs before pulling out his phone & going onto his contacts, about to call Joy, another one of his side things, before deciding against it, instead calling his friend Jisung& asking to meet him.

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Twenty minutes later Jisung meets him at the local dog walking park & they end up sitting on a bench, talking about random stuff before the topic of you comes up, but not because of Hyunjin.

“You’re lucky you got to partner up with y/n for that assignment, I got put with Changbin so obviously i fucking failed, tryna do that presentation on the spot was absolute torture, you still talk to her? she seems quiet as hell.” Han sighs, sipping his bubble tea through his straw & Hyunjin laughs.

“Ay! I actually helped her so shut up, just because you both have no more than eight brain cells, i’m just proof there is such a thing as looks & beauty. Nah, we haven’t really spoken since, just been busy i suppose & what the hell am i meant to say to her?” Hyunjin replies, a quick chuckle leaving his lips.

“What do you mean you’re proof that looks n beauty exist, y/n basically invented it you idiot. Wha'cha mean what are you meant to say to her? Did you fuck her too or something?" Han questions, leaning forward.

Hyunjin just kisses his teeth before nodding & Han just raises his eyebrows. "fuck, I didn't think someone like y/n would get around that way. Can you do me a favour n start speaking to her again n put in a good word about me I wanna approach her but she feels intimidating, you get me?" Once Hyunjin hears these words, a bad & gross feeling bubbles up in his stomach.. is what he feeling... jealousy?

"Uhh.. you're really not her type, she's not up for dating, she told me. Go try your luck with someone else." Hyunjin says in a bitter tone, not looking at the man in front of him & Han scoffs.

"You chat shit Hyunjin, stop gatekeeping! I'll just use my charms & trust me, we'll be fucking a week later n dating two weeks later." Jisung jokes, patting Hyunjins leg but he pushes it off.

"You're ridiculous Jisung, she won't want what's between your legs." Hyunjin spits out before standing up off the bench, stretching out & sighing. "I have things to do, you can keep day dreaming, I'll see you later. choke on your boba." Hyunjin jokes with Han & he spits out a bubble as a response before he walks away, leaving Han on the bench.

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He walks through the rest of the park, thinking about Hans words & he can't get over it. 'Why am I so jealous?' 'Who does he honestly think he is talking about y/n like that?' 'They wouldn't even look good together.' are things that keep racing through his head & he is getting more pissed off as the seconds go by.

He gets out of the park & he keeps walking on the pavement, not having an actual destination in mind.. until he seen you walking out of a random convenience store across the street & a lightbulb lights up behind his brown eyes.

He picks up the pace of his walk as he follows just far enough behind you on the other side of the road until you reach your apartment complex before entering & he can't help but feel like an absolute creep, but that doesn't stop him. He screenshots his location on find my Iphone, just so he won't forget where to go later on as he walks back the way he came, heading to the main line of shops near the campus.

He strolls around for around twenty minutes, looking at random little trinkets, bookmarks with the college logo on it, which he cringes at due to the look of it, before he keeps walking until he reaches a little florist shop.

He enters it, aimlessly walking around, fingertips grazing over a few roses & tulips, admiring the pretty colours as he sets his eyes on a bouquet of lillies. He picks it up, giving himself a better look at it before deciding he is happy with it, heading to the counter.

He places them down, not paying attention to the cashier as he looks at the little vases beside the register.

"Can I get this pink vase to- ohh, I didn't know you worked here Jennie, hiya." he says, surprised. "Sure. You know, Lisa doesn't like lillies, I suggest you get her daffodils, her favourite colour being yellow n all." she responds, smiling up at him. "Ah, they.. they're not for Lisa so I'll pass. Can you fill up the vase with a bit of water too? I think that's what you're supposed to do, right?" he says quickly, hand coming up to the back of his neck, the awkwardness filling the small space.

"mhmm. £29.11 is the total." She says in a cold voice, taking the tag off the vase as she turns around to the small sink, filling up the vase 1/3 of the way. She dumps the bouquet in the vase with no care at all before pushing it towards him, giving him the card machine. He pays, a strained, awkward smile on his face before saying thank you & leaving.

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After buying you a box of chocolates & a Vanilla bean smelling candle & following the path you walked on earlier, he ends up back outside your apartment complex.

He sits on the front steps, waiting for someone to leave the building so he can catch the door & once he is inside, he begins knocking on every door, talking to each person who answers in a quiet voice, Ignoring the confused looks of other students who recognise him who are all definitely wondering why he is knocking doors looking for you, making sure you wouldn't hear him & then refuse to open the door.

He reaches the fourth floor, mouth slightly dry from all the talking he has had to do & he is beginning to doubt his memory. He knocks on the third door & takes a step back, waiting for an answer as he hears footsteps & he can't help the smile that spreads across his face as you are the one who open the door.

"Surprise, & I'm not just talking about my pretty face. Can I come in?" he chirps as he raises his arms, making sure you see what he has brought despite it being almost all you can see, not missing the chance to give you an up & down look, you wearing black tight shorts & an oversized off the shoulder graphic shirt.

"Hyunjin, I told you I was sick.. How the hell do you know where I live?" you question, honestly just confused. "Does that matter? I asked a question, Don't leave me standing here I went to like twenty doors to find you!" he pouts. You roll your eyes & begin to shut the door but Hyunjin stops it with his foot.

"Okay okay okay! I followed you, but not in a creepy way I swear! I just wanted to.. apologise? But I knew you would ghost me If I text you." he says in a sulky voice. You groan before opening the door back open, his pretty face poking through the gap. "You are a creep, you know that? Why you apologising?" you question him, crossing your arms, not amused but slightly flattered despite not showing it.

"I'm not going to broadcast my deep, heart warming words in the corridor for everyone to hear, just let me inside, pleaseee." he pouts again & you just sigh before moving out of the way so he can enter, taking his shoes off as soon as they touch your laminate flooring.

You walk into your connected living room & kitchen before sitting on your corner kitchen counter, your legs swinging off it as Hyunjin follows behind you, looking around at the cute random decorations hung up on your walls & on the mantle pieces.

He places the flowers on your coffee table before walking back into your small kitchen & leaning on the opposite counter top, still holding the chocolates & candle.

"Okay, Can I give you my apology now? I rehearsed this to make sure I get everything right." He tries to joke but you just look at him with a blank expression before nodding, encouraging him to continue. "Okay, I didn't realise how much I've upset you & I'm sorry for not trying to check up on you sooner & stopped speaking to you. I partially didn't even mean to ghost you but I also genuinely thought you wouldn't speak to me anymore since you're always so concentrated on lessons & studying, I thought you would have thought I was getting in your way. I'm also sorry for fucking with that girl & you overheard it, if I'm genuinely being honest, I did it to try wipe my mind of you. I know what we did is a huge thing & it was wrong of me to have acted the way I did, if i'm being honest, this was the first time I did what we did so I just didn't really know how to act, but I'm genuinely sorry y/n. Chocolates?"

He blurts out, not taking his eyes off you as he feels his cheeks go hot, the nerves & also the way you're looking at him making him flustered. You both sit in silence for a minute, him waiting for a response & you thinking of a response.

"Gimme the box & light the candle for me, second drawer to your right n you will find a lighter. If you felt like this all week, You've still had seven days to come n tell me this but instead you've let me feel like shit for a week, this was the exact reason I was unsure to do it with you Hyunjin, in fear something like this would have happened & instead of just growing a pair & talking to me, you fuck someone else to just try forget?" You reply, your voice getting a bit shaky without meaning it, the feelings of it all hitting you again.

Hyunjin listens as he digs into his pocket & pulling out his own lighter & lighting it before putting it on the counter & he walks the few steps over to you, handing you the chocolate before standing right in front of you, leaning his hands on the counter on the outside of your legs, caging you in.

"Please y/n, don't think like that. I know I should have swallowed my pride n apologised earlier, I was just trying to convince myself I didn't give a fuck but I do, hence why I'm here. I honestly think you used those crystals & manifested this or something." he mumbles the last part, looking away from you, his ears going red after hearing his words out loud & your legs stop swinging as you pause at his words.

"What do you mean you actually give a fuck? What are you trying to say." you reply back, resisting the urge to reach out & stroke his hair. Hyunjin sighs & shakes his head. "Don't make me spit it out y/n, It's just gonna sound like a lie to you." You get an anxious feeling in your belly before taking his chin & guiding him to look back up at you. "Hyunjin, just say it, it's only me here anyway. Just say what you gotta say." you respond in a quiet but firm voice, honestly scared.

He doesn't have much option but to look at you as he lets himself melt into your hand lightly before taking a deep breath. "I.. care about you? I don't know, it feels weird but like... I genuinely felt like shit after how I treated you n i've tried to bury it but it just won't leave, I don't really know what it is about you n honestly it scares me." he says in a quiet, quick tone & your jaw drops.

You just freeze as you both just look at each other in complete silence not including the quiet crackling of the candle & your living room clock ticking. Hyunjin can't bare the awkwardness anymore as he gets shy for the first time in years, moving his arms to stand completely upright but you pull him in by the shirt to hug him, tears threatening to leave your eyes as his arms wrap around you in return.

"This better not be some sort of sick joke Hyunjin or i swear I'll kill you, you're gonna boost my ego to a fraction of what yours is." you half laugh as he nuzzles his face into your neck, inhaling your sweet smell. "It's not, dead serious. You're just different n I don't know how to feel about it, stop casting spells to make me attached to you. I've been itching to ask to see you all week, I wish I wasn't being so stubborn." he muffles into your neck, moving his head side to side slightly, his nose tickling your neck, making you lean more into him, chuckling at his stupid joke.

"Stop with the silly magic jokes, you're ridiculous. I want to say you're not forgiven since you need to prove to me you're not talking out your ass but I do accept your indeed heart warming apology & I appreciate it just more than the flowers n chocolate." you say in a soft voice & you feel Hyunjin smile against your neck before he moves & kisses the tip of your nose, smiling like a Cheshire cat.

"That's what I wanted to hear, I wouldn't be able to handle it if you had told me to fuck off, my first ever rejection coming from the first person I've ever bought a present for that isn't my mom." You chuckle at this before hopping off the counter, grabbing the box of chocolates that were staring at you.

"Rejection? You tryna say you like meee?" you tease, taking his hands before swaying them back & forth & he rolls his eyes, chuckling. "Was it not kinda obvious? I wanted to say it without directly saying it in case I embarrassed myself but... yeahhh I have a tiny crush, I think you made us soul tied or something." you just 'tut' at his remark but your face goes bright red at his confession, cheeks hurting from how much you're smiling.

"I'm touched. Got thee famous playboy hwang Hyunjin to like like me, not sure if it's a surprise but I like you too." You kiss his cheek before leading him to the couch as you sit on it, him flopping next to you. "Enough of the soppy talk for now or I'll get embarrassed, you can choose a movie while I get us a blanket." He just nods & you hand him the box of chocolates & he begins opening them as you scurry to your room to get your favourite fluffy blankets.

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You both end up watching a recommended Netflix romcom suggestion, both of you devouring your chocolates but you pay no mind to it.

Some point throughout, your legs end up swung over his as your head lays against his shoulder, him stroking your hair with one hand as the other hand caresses your thigh.

Every few minutes or so, you focus less on the movie & more on his touch as his hand slowly rises up your leg, then your thigh & his hand is now grazing against your inner thigh over your tight shorts, giving you goosebumps, which he doesn't miss.

This continues up until Hyunjin repositions himself, pushing your legs off him so he can lay down over your thighs, his view now sideways of the TV, not that he cares, not paying the slightest bit of attention anyway as you momentarily tense up beneath him.

You continue stroking his hair, sometimes digging your fingers into his scalp a bit to scratch it, making him let out a satisfied hum. You can't help but keep looking down at the beautiful man laying on you & you can't help but smile to yourself.

As if he can feel your eyes burning into his skull, he moves the blanket down your legs enough to expose your legs enough for him to begin planting little pecks on them, slightly tickilish but you don't miss the wetness now pooling under your shorts. "Stop teasing Hyune." you speak up, your voice quiet & he just chuckles.

"If you don't want me to tease, I won't complain if you lay back." he replies, not bothering to look up at you as his hand reaches to squeeze your thigh softly as he keeps giving your legs kisses, suckling at them slightly,

You think about what he says & you would be stupid to deny the chance, your pussy clenching around nothing. You lightly push his head up off you & he takes the hint, moving & you push the side of his arm, towards the edge of the couch & he looks at you slightly confused but does what he thinks you're hinting at, getting onto the floor right in front of you, looking up at you with his pretty eyes.

You give him a shy smile before you take it upon yourself to wriggle your shorts & underwear off, leaving your bottom half completely nude, biting your lip in anticipation.

"You really got this desperate since last time I saw you?" he teases & you put your hand in front of your cunt, covering it with how shy you've just started feeling but he is quick to pull it back off, looking at the small shimmer on your middle finger before licking it off in one go.

"Don't be shy, gorgeous. I've been just as desperate if not more, can I get a taste?" he says in a sweet voice, not looking away from you, stars in his eyes. "Please.. If you want to." you respond, hiding your face in your hands but he reaches up & swats your hands away yet again as his other hand begins to slowly drag through your folds, making your hips buck.

"Stop hiding, where's your confidence gone hmm? Do I make you that nervous? trust me, there's nothing I want more." he leans in & kisses right next to your lip before smirking at you & sinking back down onto the floor, blowing cold air onto your now soaking cunt, making your legs tense up & he tongues his cheek as he watches your face twitch.

He spreads your folds open, getting a better view of your hole, clenching around nothing before he licks a long, slow strip from your hole to the top of your clit, letting out a low groan in the process. "Taste better than anything y/n, I fucking swear." he says as he looks up at you for a split second. "eyes on me, if you look away I'll stop." he voices before digging in.

You do as he says & make eye contact with him as his mouth latches onto your cunt as he begins letting spit roll off his tongue, mixing with your juices just before slurping it back up, not afraid to make as much noise as the mixes of juices allow.

You weave your hand in his hair & play with his hair & scratch his scalp for him as he suctions his tongue onto your swollen button, both of you groaning at the same time.

"Hyune, so good" you whimper out, your breath shaky as your eyes struggle to stay open & you feel Hyunjin smile against you. He brings his fingers up to your clit before rubbing it in a steady rhythm as he lets go of before his tongue find its way into your opening before beginning to tongue fuck you & you throw your head back, your moans now louder than the TV still playing behind the both of you, your legs now closing around his head, not that he pays attention to that anyway, if anything he is enjoying it.

You begin to clench around his tongue which he remembers is your tell tail sign you're about to orgasm, your moans getting higher pitched & your grip on his hair getting tighter & he chooses to worm his tongue out of your hole before pinching your clit between his two fingers & dropping a glob of spit to it before giving it one more lick, smirking.

"I wanna try something I think you might like, turn over so you're facing your back to me, hunny." You huff at the beginning of a future orgasm beginning to appear suddenly bubbling away but you do as he says, slightly confused.

You get up on your knees & rest your elbows on the back of the couch, you now looking at the wall behind you. "Why am I fac-" you're cut off as Hyunjin spreads your cheeks & begins fondling them as he begins suckling on your pussy from behind, letting out a satisfied hum behind you as you begin kneading the couch until your fingers begin to ache, biting your lip to try hold back moans.

"G-gonna cum Hyunjin, keep g-going." you whimper, pushing yourself into his face, seeking even more from him if it's even possible & he gives you a quick slap on your ass as he removes himself from your cunt again, much to his own displeasure.

"Don't bite your lip y/nnie, I wanna hear you fully, Mkay?" he speaks from behind you as you yelp at the impact & he hums as he keeps kneading your ass, giving it a few kisses. "Your ass is to die for, you know that? Gonna taste it." Before you can even process what he says, your mind too full of lust to understand, he is letting a glob of spit fall past his lips & it landing right on your tightest hole.

You try jerk your hips away from him but he is quicker & pulls you back to him, keeping a tighter grip on your ass, keeping it spread as his tongue begins to graze over your pretty pucker, his eyes scrunching together as he smiles against you, tongue now drawing patterns on it as he lets go of one of your ass cheeks, going down to your leaking cunt again before entering two fingers, instantly finding the same G-spot that made you orgasm only a week or so ago.

Your hips buck at the new sensation & you let out a long mewl, letting your face fall onto the back of the couch as your knuckles turn white from how hard you're clenching on it.

Your pretty hole is clenching & pulsating on his tongue as he lets out a deep growl at your taste, so different compared to your cunt but still enjoyable, you're moans getting to an even higher pitch as his tongue enter inside you, swirling around as much as the tight ring will allow.

"Hyun- please l-let me cum, s-so- fuck!" you basically scream out, not even being able to find the strength to lift your head up to look at the man behind you as your pussy & ass clench around his fingers & tongue but right before you cum, Hyunjin pulls completely away, again & your legs shake from the painful pleasure of yet another stolen orgasm.

Hyunjin leans over so his clothed chest is touching your back & he tilts your head so he can see your pretty face & he sees your now tear soaked cheeks & your pretty, glossy eyes.

"Awww, pretty girl couldn't contain their tears, could you? I promise you can cum now, I don't have a condom on me though beautiful so do you just want my fingers hmm? or my tongue?" he questions as he strokes your now damp hair out of your face, pouting at you.

"J-just fuck me Hyune, j-just pull out." you whiimper back to him, your breath so unstable it's difficult to even push the words out. Hyunjin opens his mouth to re ask you, just to make sure he is hearing things right but you wiggle your naked ass against him & he bucks his hips before just nodding before kissing your shoulder & then shimmying his pants & underwear down, freeing his pretty cock.

He spits onto his cock, pumping it into his hand a few times, letting out a hushed groan before he aligns his tip with your pussy, rubbing himself against it a few times to coat his tip in your juices before prodding his tip against your hole, before pushing just the tip inside.

"I'm still gonna be gentle, it's only your second time, tell me if this position is uncomfortable." he speaks behind you & as you mumble out an 'okay' while your face now being mushed against the cushion again, he pushes his hips forward very slowly until he buries himself to the hilt, you both letting out a moan in unison.

He stills inside you, trying to not cum instantly from how hot your walls feel without the restriction of the condom he wore last time, his hands coming to rest on your hips as he waits for your signal to continue.

Your breath staggers as he pushes forward, the stretch being a bit painful but no way near as painful as last time & after a minute or so, you push yourself on his cock experimentally, making you both hiss.

"You- please move, mak-make me cum Hyune, p-please." you elongate the last word, turning your head to the side so he can actually hear you. He takes a deep breath & pulls out half way before pushing back in, the both of you letting out a whine as his balls slap against your clit, making it even more intense for you.

Hyunjin sets a steady rhythm, lightly using the tips of his finger nails to add sensation to your back, tickling it but also feeling nice as you know it will leave those pretty little red marks later on. Both of your moans & whines fill the small apartment, not even thinking about how your neighbours can one hundred percent hear you.

"Y/n yo-you're too tight, s-so warm." he breathes out, lifting his leg & standing it on the couch for a better angle as he keeps rutting into you, leaning over your back again to kiss your cheek, your moans going straight into his ears.

"To- so big hy-hyune, pleas-e lemme c-cum." you whimper, your eyes scrunching closed, the ends of Hyunjins hair tickling your face as he begins to nibble on your earlobe, your cunt clenching impossibly tight around his cock, almost suffocating it.

"c-cum with me baby, h-hold on for me." he groan back as he tilts his neck into an uncomfortable position just so he can kiss your lips. His tongue instantly enters your mouth & you suckle on it, tasting the remaining taste of your juices from what he hasn't already repeatedly swallowed, making you moan in content.

Hyunjin speeds up his pace slightly & your G-spot loves this, making your legs almost give out on the spot as your brain turns into mush. "I-in my s-stomach Hyun-deep." you babble out against his lips, barely even knowing your own name at this point.

As Hyunjin stands back upright after giving your shoulder a few pecks, his phone begins to ring. Your eyes spot his phone on the other end of the couch, where he was sitting earlier but he reaches over & declines it before shutting his phone completely off, throwing it to the side, his pace not slowing once.

You don't bother questioning it, instead focusing on the noises of your slick & his balls connecting together mixed with the sweat of the both of you, sloppy clapping noises of your skin connecting filling the room, your legs begin to give out as Hyunjin worms his fingers down to your clit yet again before rubbing it frantically.

"In your s-stomach hmm? You can cum for me angel, n-not gonna last, too w-wet n tight." he squabbles, breathing frantically & this i all you need to hear as your entire body tenses up as finally, your orgasm hits you like a brick wall & you let out a squeal & Hyunjin has to grip onto your hips as his life depend on it in order for you to not flop & slip off the couch.

Your noises & the way your pussy flutters around him is just too much for him to handle & as much as he doesn't want to, he pulls himself out of your wet, hot walls as his cum spurts down your ass & back, throwing his head back as his cock quite literally pulsates as his balls empty, a high pitched whimper leaving his lips, breathing staggered.

He comes back to his body quicker than you do & he helps reposition you so you're fully laying on the couch, trying to make sure his cum doesn't get onto any other surface.

He grabs his underwear & wipes the cum off your back in a comfortable silence, slightly twitching as he wipes it off. He leans over your back again before kissing your earlobe. "Did so well, so proud of you, still so pretty for me despite being sticky with sweat." you both weakly laugh as you turn onto your back before using the ounce of strength you have left to pull on his wrist.

"cuddle." is all you say as you pull on him until he lays on top of you, half his weight dangling off the arm of the couch as he lays his head on your chest, listening to your still racing heartbeat & he can't help but feel secure.

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You both sit like this for a while, talking to one another about what you both spoke about in a bit more detail & also just talk to each other about things you don't know about one another, things like family pets, favourite colours, favourite brands etc.

Hyunjin ends up powering his phone back on & you are both just scrolling through his for you page, when you remember his phone ringing. "Quick question hyune, who was it that called you? If it was important you coulda stopped to answer." you ask him, not lifting your eyes from the video playing on his phone screen, not really thinking too much of it.

"Don't stress it, it was just someone I'm not gonna be speaking to anymore." he replies in s tired voice, still scrolling. His reply slightly confusing you. "Who? I don't mean to be nosey or anything but now i'm curious." you respond back, your fingers in his hair now pausing.

Without saying anything, he switches apps, onto his call log & it's Lisas name at the top.. nineteen missed calls. He just sighs as he presses on the 'more' option before deleting her number & deleting the Imessage conversation without even bothering to read her spam of texts, yelling, crying & cussing him out before switching apps back onto tiktok without saying a word & you just blush, your hands cupping his cheeks from above, your thumbs just below his eyes.

"You're cute." you say as you squeeze them playfully & he just 'tut's but still, he melts himself into your touch.

I'm not completely sure if I want to leave this story as a two parter orrrrrr do a third n final part but to everyone wanting a happier ending here you all are!

Tags: @troublemaker02 @ismokeeweed @lmhcats @isagerada @tsunderelino

[ipsen]

1, 4, 5, 7, 8, 12 and 13 for Holometabolism

Hoho, boy, here we go. After a read more!!

1 - What inspired you to write/update this work?

I once put in the tags of a post I can no longer remember that there are only two things that fuel the creative process: love and spite, which are ultimately the same thing-- a desire for something better than what came before.

I am not upset that Eto was scrubbed out of her role in TG:re. I am upset because she was ultimately treated as an afterthought by the story, and that most of her efforts are just attributed to Arima. It's one of Tokyo Ghoul's worst habits: giving men more pity and attention than women. And this is a story with really good women characters that fall flat simply because the story refuses to utilize them.

That is ultimately why I made Holometabolism.

4 - What’s the most challenging part about posting new/updated work? Do you find posting stressful or invigorating?

Posting as I go is probably the only way I can motivate myself to continue a multichapter work. I need some extra validation from sources besides myself, because personal passion can only get you so far in life. You must be uplifted by others in some capacity to, ultimately, make it anywhere.

The hardest part about posting is, to me, clicking the post button. Because I just know there's gonna be some formatting error or whatever that I missed and now I have to go back and FIX IT.

Oh well.

5 - How do you decide how long your fics/chapters will be? Do you have a word count goal?

For Holometabolism specifically, I liked to shoot for at least 4k words because that's a nice healthy number for me. It just seems like the longfics I myself enjoy have a similar word count per chapters, and I've just kinda grown accustomed to it.

But usually my process involves a vision, and then writing to get to said vision. I visualized an EtoKen ending for this fic and then went from there (I actually fleshed out Chapter 4 the most before any of the others, and it's the chapter that's retained the most of its original draft form). Word count isn't a generally a factor, but it does help keep me within a certain limit.

I'm all for a word vomit, but constraints are an integral part of quality. Also makes editing much easier when there's less to actually edit. I like editing the least.

7 - What part of this fic/chapter was the most fun to write?

Now here's a tricky question, because I have a lot of parts that I had so much fun, to the point where ranking them is honestly impossible.

I liked Eto and Touka's first conversation in Ch2. They are foils to one another, with similar backstories and personalities, but they approach things differently. Establishing that was important groundwork for their friendship later on in the fic.

Every time Hinami interacted with Eto was a joy. Hinami is this weird cross between Kaneki and Eto, like a strange brain child of theirs since she was influenced by both of them at key stages in her life.

Ch4's climax (haha) is near and dear to my heart. Not my best work by a longshot, but a very important piece that I'll cherish for a long time. Reconciling your ugliness and bearing it in the hopes for something better is something I want to believe I can do too. So I wrote two people doing it (haha).

Ch5's ending!! I loved taking "I am a ghoul" and making it a positive, awesome slogan! I felt bad having to follow it up with Ch6, honestly. SPEAKING OF--

Eto and Furuta's conversation and "rematch"! So much fun. What better to demonstrate her character development than by having her confront someone she definitely hates? Gotta pat myself on the back for that one.

8 - Which line/paragraph are you most proud of? Why are you proud of this?

Tricky question #2, I see. Well, if I have to pick one, then:

“Please don’t die, Eto,” [Hinami] choked out.

Eto pursed her lips. “Why?”

A few tears dropped onto their hands, coalescing into a small puddle on Eto’s knuckles. “Because… Because I’m not ready to say goodbye.” Hinami pressed their hands against her forehead. “Please… Even if you can’t smile, or laugh, or cry… Live.”

I intended this to be the turning point for Eto's character in this EtoKen fanfiction. A sin, to some, to not have the love interest be the one to start the redemption journey.

Hinami is another one of Eto's foils who is also in the unique position of being capable of holding real and sustainable affection for her. It was important to me to showcase that that was what it was: real, genuine love. Because Hinami, besides Kaneki, is the only person Eto would actually believe in 99% of circumstances, since the girl is both similar to Eto and honest with herself.

12 - What do you hope readers will take away from this work?

"You are worth it, even if you don't think you are." "There's always a little bit of hope for everyone." "Even if you can't smile, laugh, or cry... Live."

Life is mostly good, I like to think, and I wanted to underscore that belief with this fic. I want people to know that hope is stronger than despair, and that it is hope for the future and yourself that drives positive change. Something like that.

13 - Are there any cut lines/scenes from this work? Why did you cut them?

I have an entire document dedicated to "scenes that were Good to me, but either didn't flow properly with the story or just contributed very little to the progression of those involved." There's at least one scene per chapter, too.

I might actually post some of them here on tumblr someday, when I'm feeling enough energy to format each LOL

--

That's everything! Thanks for the ask!

[madelynwith5ns]

i dont know if anyone else has tried this yet (highly doubt it), but i decided it would be really silly to run the cosmic desktop alpha (a very new and not super stable desktop (its never crashed on me tho)) on perhaps the slowest moving, most stable operating system i can think of, redhat enterprise linux.

so i did that

it was kind of a pain, but in the end I only had to manually compile one dependency (libseat), and the rest i could get by yoinking packages from other rhel-adjacent distros (like centos stream or fedora) and way more than i thought were actually just in the RHEL repos

now, after becoming potentially the only person on earth to have done this abomination, i needed a screenshot to prove it of course

taking the screenshot was surprisingly the hardest part

i tried many things to get it to take a screenshot, but then i remembered, when i installed cosmic, i put it in the /usr/local directory. this was apparently a bad idea, since cosmic hardcodes a lot of paths under the normal /usr directory. i modified start-cosmic and the session .desktop file to get it to launch at all

as i was writing this post actually i decided to try to throw everything into the normal /usr directory instead of /usr/local, and magically, taking a screenshot now worked. i'm gonna guess cosmic hardcoded something in the desktop portal to the /usr directory.

so, here it is, in all of its glory: COSMIC Epoch 1 on Red Hat Enterprise Linux 9.4!

(terminal fully transparent so you can see the rhel 9 default background in all of its glory)

redhat please dont hurt me, it was all in good fun

i'm going to put my pop!_OS drive back in now, I almost wanna frame this screenshot and this rhel drive because of how funny this is

also, the red hat logo is *awesome* with the trans flag colors lol

i would like to thank my wonderful blåhaj, Puddles, and my emotional support demon Baphy, for providing wonderful emotional support throughout this journey (3 hours)

and lastly i would like to thank whatever made me bored and/or crazy enough to try this

this also wasnt even that hard it only took like ~3h most of which was waiting for rust to compile things!

i have no regrets

none

wow this was a lot of words, i proofread none of this, its probably fine

i'll get off your dashes now so you can stop reading this nonsense, this is probably less funny that if i just posted the screenshot with no yapping around it..

yippee

[kiki-is-writing]

🪨 💦 🌫 <33

hi pía <3

🪨Landslide: Which WIP has the most worldbuilding?

Ok so the other day i made a post about my selfcare writing and working on stuff no one will ever see and i have my favorite little project i do for my selfcare writing that's a fantasy novel (me??? write fantasy??? absolutely insane) so. that has like a decade of worldbuilding behind it. it fills up multiple notebooks and google docs

💦Flood: How many WIPs do you have?

i would say i have like 3 or 4 active WIPs??? i have two that have been on hiatus for multiple years and tbh idk if either of them are ever coming out of hiatus so i don't really count them as WIPs because they're not in progress. i have my current untitled wip (1), a book i wrote called prestissimo, con dolore (2) (i think i'm gonna change that title for draft two), tbaeoe (3) even though i'm not really actively doing anything with it right now, it's just kind of existing in the back of my mind until i decide what i want to do with it. which honestly will probably take a while but that's chill, i'm not on a deadline or anything, so she can simmer back there as long as she needs/wants. plus i have my selfcare fantasy book that will never see the light of day which is 4.

🌫️Fog: What was the hardest part of your WIP to write?

Yeah ok. so my current untitled wip has a few of Those Scenes, yknow the ones that are so emotional you have to listen to phoebe bridgers on loop and set aside your entire day to write it alone in your room because it just takes so much out of you. depending on the kind of emotion i sometimes find them super fun (like arguments i think are super fun to write) but there was this one scene that was just SO draining and SO debilitating to write that i literally had to redact the entire thing after i wrote it. i reread the stuff i've written before a lot because it gets me back in the groove of the story and i actually cannot stand to ever read that scene ever again so it is blacked out <3 it's not a bad scene it's just very emotional and it made me cry teehee

tysm for the ask bestie!!!!!

[truessences]

Why Mike Wheeler IS the Heart (Part 1)

I decided to split this into two parts because it was getting long, in this one I'll explain my thoughts on the other party members and in the next part show I will show why I think Mike is.

Well... I had this whole thing almost done but then I accidentally deleted it when I thought I clicked on the icon to edit. So, hopefully this will be a better and more coherent post now that I have to do it over. 

But in this essay I will explain why I think Mike Wheeler is the heart of the party. My mission isn't to convince those of you who don't agree but to explain why it makes perfect sense to me. If you don't agree, you're just not gonna agree. I'm not going to go back and forth with anyone that I don't want to and if you're rude, I'll block you. :D

I do agree that Will's perspective of Mike will color things he may say or feel but I don't think he's wrong.

Part Two Here

When I hear someone say "the heart of the group", what I think that means is someone who is depended on, someone who holds the group together, who may be the leader, who will do whatever they can to protect those they love. They are the "caretaker", someone who may go out of their way to make others feel better or to help. They aren't perfect and if anything, they may take their mistakes or things they couldn't succeed in doing the hardest. They are the ones that the others will look to in hard times or for answers and/or support. Maybe they make the final decisions and/or plans.

I will explain each member of the party quickly, as to why they’re not the heart (overall) and what their roles are. Now, because people change and evolve, some will overlap but it’s not a “definitive… you are the heart”, but a “you’ve been heart at this time” lol. 

Max Mayfield (Zoomer)- Unlike the others, Max’s D&D position as “Zoomer” isn’t something that actually exists within the game, but something she made up, which actually makes sense for her because while Dustin and Lucas tried to invite her into the party, she basically did insert herself into the group, going as far as to give herself a title to Mike (the leader). Even after he told her their party was full lol. I think that fits Max. She’s also too new to be the heart of the party, not to mention, she doesn’t understand the others the way she thinks she does. Max isn’t my favorite but I do like her, she grew on me a lot as I’ve rewatched the show. Max cares about her loved ones, I don’t doubt that, but she’s a bit too consistently callous to be the heart of the party. This isn’t a dig at her but a fair assessment. Even though I loved her friendship with Eleven in S3, she was really misguided in how she was handling the situation with Mike and Eleven.

Lucas (Ranger)- I think Lucas has a lot of heart and does a lot of things, particularly in the 4th season that shows that he has a lot of heart however, I don’t think that’s his role. Compared to the others, Lucas has a major tendency to be level headed, skeptical, pragmatic and realistic. They’re basically the same thing but you know what I mean lol. This is shown from him in season one when he is rightfully suspicious of Eleven and ultimately doesn’t want anything to do with her. He softens later in the season because he realizes that she was trying to protect them and that she wasn’t lying about the bad men. But his feelings were valid, he wanted to protect his friends and find WIll, that was important to him, plus the situation is weird. It makes sense lol. We see him being skeptical the entirety of season 1 and this is set up in the first scene with our party, where he’s telling Dustin “It’s not the demogorgon!” and he does the same thing later “It’s not the thessalhydra”. But we also see that he’s brave, because he tells Will to fireball the monster, without hesitation. He kept his friend group grounded and took finding Will extremely seriously (not that the others didn’t but he was tunnel vision). He had a tendency to be defensive and reactionary. But we know he’s sweet and we see a lot more of this side in later seasons. However, Lucas’s role, I think, gets significantly reduced in season 2, he really spends a lot of the time trying to get close to Max to tell her what’s going on. He’s way more open-minded, which is a good thing, but sometimes it’s stupid because where’s the self preservation Lucas! (I’m talking about him going to Max’s house with the chance of Billy answering the door, but maybe he didn’t realize this was a real problem). We also see him be the only one who listens and gives advice to Mike in season 3 when it comes to the relationship problems between him and Eleven. We saw a mature side of Lucas, even being strong enough to admit his own mistakes, even if it’s in a joking manner. Compared to the others, he might have a tendency to be a bit close minded, which prevents him from being the heart but he HAS extreme heart. This is particularly shown in season 4, where I think Lucas really shines, the way that he’s supporting Max, even when in the beginning he was dealing with his own crisis of identity. This is probably the most character growth we’ve seen from him. However, I’ve always viewed Lucas as the strength of the party. In season 1, he was ready with his wrist rocket against the demogorgon. He did the same in season 2. Since his role is a ranger, they can often rely on bows and arrows, which is similar to Lucas’s long range weapon, same in season 3 when he uses the fireworks to throw at the Mind Flayer. But Mike was able to lean on him in S3 when no one else did that. He was there for Max in S4. Lucas is the strength. 

Will (Cleric)- So I know people like to say that Will is the heart of the party because seasons 1 and 2 centered around him but that would make him the catalyst, not the heart. I actually think Will is the least empathetic of the party. He is the reason why the boys got involved with everything, but we didn’t get to know him a ton in S1 and in S2, he was struggling the entire time. People don’t lean on Will, we don’t see him actually being there for someone else until S4. To me, “the heart of the group” is a person who other people lean on and that hasn’t been Will. I feel like people only say that because of him being a catalyst and because he’s an emotional character. I feel like he really gets the chance to be a character in S3, because he’s not missing and he’s not being possessed/hunted. But now it’s like he’s missed everything. All of his besties have girlfriends and have found other interests (not that they’re ignoring him completely, they clearly have hung out, gone to the mall and the movies often) and he’s probably feeling left behind, which is fair. His feelings are valid. A cleric is a magic user, a healer and can be a support character in the party. Something I found interesting, is that once a player chooses to be a cleric, that role can be pushed into adventure because of something else, “because their God demands it”, it may not be something they choose, which I think fits Will. He gets taken to the Upside Down, (though I’m not sure how I feel about this whole ‘he was chosen and not random’ they seem to be inching towards) against his will and then in S2, he’s the host for the Mind Flayer, against his will again. He’s been very passive. I think there are some instances with his kindness that would make a person think “Oh Will’s the heart”, but I think this really only comes in S4, when he’s being so supportive of Mike or how he’s trying to be there for Eleven in school. I think these things are really kind of him but that’s not enough to me to classify him as “The heart of the party.” I’m not sure what I’d say he is… the tear ducts? Lol People just want him to be a sad boi lol

Dustin (The Bard)- I think out of the others, Dustin is close enough to the title of “the heart” but I’ve always considered Dustin to be the Brain of the party. He’s the overall smartest of the group, seems to really excel in science and has an overall general knowledge of all nerdy things. What I think is interesting about Dustin, is that while he looks at things in a logical sense, similarly to Lucas, he may be a bit more open minded, similar to Mike, even if he proceeds cautiously, which is demonstrated when he tells Will in S1 to “cast protection”. He plays it safe. He does later become braver and willing to take risks, which is shown when he tells Will to “fireball the sonofabitch” at the end of the season. While in the beginning he was skeptical of Eleven, he was more open to having her around and her helping them, especially once he realized she had powers. He also played mediator between Lucas (the skeptic) and Mike (open-minded) and he strives for peace between his friends, it’s the rule of law after all. What I think is interesting with Dustin though, is that he ends up spending a lot of time with Steve in S2 and S3, so he gains a little advantage and different perspectives. Being with Steve, he gains some confidence that the others may not have or will get later. Another big thing for Dustin, is that we see him be the MVP of the show. This is shown in how he understands situations and puts them into a perspective that is accessible to others, even if his tone can be arrogant lol. Which I think is why he’s the Bard in their party, because they are known to be artistic storytellers, sometimes even using songs when interacting with others, which works since Dustin is the talkative one, he’s the one always explaining stuff to others, and of course his iconic scene with Suzie where he sings. I feel like his role is pretty clear cut in the group, he’s changed the least I think. Just like the others, he has a lot of heart but isn’t the “heart of the party”. 

Eleven (The Mage)- Eleven is the main character of the show period, and it’s because of the boys finding her that they got even more involved with The Upside Down and all that stuff. Eleven is even more a catalyst than Will but her role is way more involved and active compared to Will’s role. She’s the “hero” role, which is further cemented with how Mike calls her Superman compared to him being her Lois Lane. She’s literally the power of the group, and even though she’s the most powerful, she still has a lot of learning to do on her own when it comes to who she is, who she wants to be and she does a lot learning when around different people. She learned about love, kindness and friendship from Mike and the others, she learned motherly love when Joyce welcomed her in. With Hopper, she learned about fatherly love,  safety and all of the emotions that come with an overprotective dad. With Max she learned independence and how to have fun with your girls! Eleven is used to being relied on for her power not her emotions. Instead, she has to find and rely on love to motivate her, she doesn’t quite do the motivating. If you get what I’m saying. Eleven is the main character, the power but not the heart.

Stay tuned for part 2...

[pantstomatch]

I love your writing, and (the cliche, it burns) one day I'd like to publish too. But a lot of things have changed since the last time I was confident in trying to do this, and I wondered if you would talk about the process (getting an agent, that sort of thing) if you're comfortable and have the time. It's also cool if you privately respond, if you'd prefer, I'm just trying to figure out how to get started again? And so many tips are "publish on Amazon!"

Thank you!!!! Okay, so here’s the thing. I’m probably not the best person to ask about this, because I’m actually really bad at being published, but I can tell you some stuff that I’ve learned? That might be helpful? I ended up being long-winded, so (if tumblr works right here) everything is under the cut...

1. Querying!

So in general, querying sucks balls. Like… it’s probably the worst thing you’ll ever have to do. You’re gonna want to research what agents are looking for the kind of stuff you want to write or have written. Some are looking for certain genres or what they think is marketable, and you want to send your query to someone who’s open to what you have, or it’s a waste. Most likely the agency website or the agents “I’m looking for…” page or whatever will give you specific instructions on what to include in your query email - how the subject should be written, what they’re looking for, how many pages of your manuscript they want to see, how to attach it to the email and in what form, and if they want a synopsis of your novel. Some agents use Query Manager, which is basically a form you fill out and attach all the things they want, and you can go back in and edit it and it’s a nice way to keep track of your query. Next, they’re gonna (hopefully; some just never respond) either say no thank you very politely, or ask you for the full manuscript. Most of these agents will also give you a general timeline for a response, and if they’re open to a nudge from you or not. After that, they’ll either say no to the full manuscript, or welcome you aboard!  

Most places allow you to send multiple queries out for the same work, meaning they’re not “exclusive,” except within their own agency. If they ask for a full manuscript, but before they get back to you, another agent has snapped you up, they’ll want you to let them know so they don’t waste their time on it. Occasionally, if they want to see your full manuscript, they’ll ask for you to not send the full manuscript to someone else until they’re done, or for you to tell them if someone else is looking at the full manuscript. You can also change your mind!  You can email them and let them know you’ve decided to pull the novel out of consideration, maybe if you think it needs more editing.

I have never successfully queried. I found the whole thing demoralizing, and I did my first contract on my own, without an agent. This is something I don’t recommend because I had to figure out a lot of confusing shit on my own that I still don’t fully understand. And it also made me doubt my writing after the fact, because agents don’t give a shit if you’re already published, they’re focused solely on whatever you’re presenting them with. And then after that, I figured if I got another book out of my current editor, would I want to present that to the people who already didn’t like my writing? I have an agent for another project I’m working on, and the only reason I have her is because someone introduced us and told her I desperately needed help.

1a. So you found the agent(s) you think you like!

Other than the instructions/guidelines written out by the agency/agents that you’re interested in, you’re gonna need the most complete and fully edited version of your novel in hand. If they ask for your full manuscript, you absolutely should not say it’s not done. Make sure it’s finished, and preferably edited, before you send your query in. If they ask for a synopsis, hard pass. Ha ha ha, just kidding. No, really, arguably, this is going to be the hardest thing to write. A synopsis will suck your soul out of your body and make you weep blood. The only thing worse than querying is writing a synopsis for that query. I have never written a synopsis that I didn’t think was utter shit. I hate them.

Querytracker is a cool place to look up agents that you want to query and see how responsive (and nice) they are. It took me a little bit to figure out the abbreviations, though.

2. Pick your genre carefully

Unless you are a best selling author, they are never ever ever going to let you change genres. I mean, maybe if you wrote under a different name. Maybe. But they’ve bought your book based on how they think it will sell, and they’re going to want to sell you, too, and genre jumping is usually a no-go. This is, basically, one of the biggest things I hate, and one of the greatest things I love about fanfiction, that I can write whatever the fuck I feel like writing. So, you know, make sure you really really really want to write about what your first book is going to be about, because you’re going to be writing about that forever.  And I don’t mean just YA vs New Adult vs Adult, although you need to take that into account too. I mean if you’re writing about high school regular kids, you probably can’t write about supernatural high school kids. You can’t write about high school kids in space. You can only write about regular high school kids. So.. think sci -fi vs fantasy vs historical vs contemporary, etc.

3. I hope you don’t hate people!

Do you want to go to a bookstore and talk in front of a crowd? Do you want to go to cons and network with other authors? Do you want to call up publications and volunteer for interviews? Do you want to talk about your books with strangers?  Because I sure don’t.  Publishing houses do the bare minimum of publicity for you for your book. First book, they’ll probably help set up some store signings. Going forward, if you weren’t proactive the first time around, they’re probably not going to do anything. If you’ve got some really good advance reviews, they’ll do ads. They’ll probably do the rote social media posts. But basically, you’re going to have to advocate for your book. You’re going to have to create your own brand. You’re going to have to make swag and send it out, call up bookstores, post constantly about it on twitter, buddy up to other authors, go places where you can network. And I will tell you that all of that is my nightmare. I don’t want to do any of that. I don’t like meeting new people. I had several panic attacks leading up my book signing, and the book signing itself was pretty bad. I’m just… not good with people. And, honestly, at my age, I don’t want to be any better. All it does is give me stress and hives, and to get over that I’d really really have to want to do it.

4. Personal perks?

Editors!  I’ve worked with two awesome editors, and it’s amazing having someone to tell you how to fix things in a way that makes sense. By far, one of the only perks of being published for me. I absolutely don’t know for sure, but I always got the feeling that they expected more push back from me with their suggestions, but nope. I was open to everything, and that’s probably why the books worked so well, because editors absolutely know what they’re doing and only want what’s best for the book.

Holding a solid book of my work!  Always awesome to hold that first book in your hands, with the beautiful cover work and everything. The fact that other people can read it and know it was me who wrote those words only counters that by about a half.  

Money! Advances vary drastically, but, listen, the money kind of made the panic attacks worth it. A little.

5. Advances and royalties

The things I’ve read about advances is that too little, and you might think they have less confidence in you, and too much and you’re panicking about selling, because if you don’t earn out your advance, there’s a chance they won’t want to invest in you in the future. Generally, the way they work is they offer you a contract with the amount they are willing to “advance” you. This is basically saying, we think this book will give us this amount of money, and this is your share of that amount of money. You earn this out with royalties. When you sign the contract, you will get a certain amount of money, usually half of your offered advance. When you deliver the finished manuscript, after your editor and you have gone over it and it’s been approved, you’ll get the other half. A two book deal would be split into 4 parts, and you’d get the first 2 parts for signing the contract (1/4th for each book), the next part for the first finished manuscript, and then the last part for the second finished manuscript, generally after the first book is already published. After that, you won’t see any money until your royalties reach the amount they already paid you in advance. Unless otherwise negotiated, you’d get a royalty check twice a year.  Your earnings from January to July would be sent to you in October, and your earnings for July to December would be sent to you in April. Since any books sold to bookstores and online stores can be returned to the publisher if unsold, they will usually “hold back” a certain amount at first, to make sure you’re really earning that royalty. Royalty statements themselves are a hot mess and I’ve never been able to read them, which is also a good reason to have an agent. An agent will get your money sent to them, make sure it’s the correct amount, take their cut, and then send you a check from them.

6. Self publishing

Okay, I know nothing about self publishing, but I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it if you have the right support system (ie editors). If you’re going to have to do a lot of the marketing yourself anyway, I don’t see how this is much different. Biggest thing would be the upfront cost, and making sure you make that cost worth it.  Independent author S Usher Evans has some good advice for self publishing - Sush’s worked very hard at it, and started her own publishing company. Also, @qwanderer might be a good resource, I think they use Lulu, which is a really cool self publishing site.

Uhhhh, so that’s a lot of info and also not a lot of info, so please feel free to ask me anything else, and I really hope I haven’t made this harder for you to get started ha ha ha. I think the best thing to do is to figure out what you want to write and write it and just… go from there. If you really love what you have, someone else is going to love it, too.

And if anyone’s had a different experience or thinks I got something wrong or has more/better advice for @heyninja, let me know!

[danpuff-ao3]

For fanfic asks, 6 & 7 😊

Hello! Thanks for the asks! And such difficult ones, too!

6.) Name three stories you found easy to write.

This is a tricky one as I've written many short fics and they generally don't take me much time. But I figure time doesn't necessarily equate to ease. So I really had to sit and think about which stories just burst out of me, and trying to narrow it down.

1.) Welcome to the Family: the sole fest fic that didn't drive me batty! But in fairness, I didn't claim the prompt until I wrote the fic. The deadline was so close, I didn't want to unduly pressure myself. Which, in part, made this so easy! The other part was the prompt was so inspiring and it was so fun to write! I don't think I encountered any real problems with it at all.

2.) 2 + 2 = 4some: (I will never be good at titling things, I stg.) This was....a trip. 😂 It was a wacky, smutty idea that I mentioned in a Discord server and....well, I don't remember if it was support or "haha yeah right" but whatever the reaction was enthused me! (Not gonna lie, whenever someone mocks an idea as undoable I think: well, time for me to do it!) (Pretty sure that's how Romantic Notions came into being, but I digress.) I wrote it all in a night and you know what? I'm pretty proud of it! Weird though it might be.

3.) The Gift of Love: You know I conceptualized, wrote, edited, and posted this all in one day? In and of itself that is not unusual, but for nearly 5k words that's pretty good, I think! And for such a cute story, too! You know sweet stories are not my usual type, but something about this fic was special!

7.) Name three stories you found difficult to write.

This was the hardest because generally I don't fight too much with my stories.

By nature I'm very hard on myself and very perfectionistic, and if I allow that into my hobbies, I'll never have any peace. So I remind myself a lot that writing is a hobby and I'm making no money from it and it's not worth pulling hair out over. Do I always succeed in this mindset? No. But I do try!

This leads to me usually just setting work aside if it gives me trouble. I revisit it when I am able. So perhaps there have been many stories that were difficult, but I rarely push through and deal with the difficulty. I wait until the stories are pouring out of me, which is a much more enjoyable experience with (generally) a better end result.

That said, I will definitely tell you any fics that had deadlines were definitely the most difficult. Silly me forgot that I don't work well under stress. 😂 So it really came down to the wire of me having to crank out words right on top of the deadline.

So onto the list...I have 1 unrevealed fest fic that gave me trouble, but not near the trouble these did:

1.) The Knudhavn Conspiracy: This I wrote for Luna Lovegood fest in 2021. And I agonized through it. Not only because of the deadline, but I was writing such new things for me! I'd never written a primarily femslash fic before. Cho was my POV character, who I'd....never written before. And the ship is Cho/Luna....and Luna is not an easy character to write! She is so strange, and so beloved, so I always feel the pressure to get her just right!

I knew exactly where I was going with that story, but it was so hard because I was second-guessing everything and the deadline was looming. That said, I'm actually very pleased with the end result!

2.) Collateral Damage: This was written for Ron-Draco Fest 2021. And again, there was the issue of the deadline. Not to mention I wrote for these 2 fests pretty much back to back. So I was fresh off the stress of The Knudhavn Conspiracy. And, again, I was writing a ship I was less familiar with in a POV I was less familiar with. Only I was much more attached to the Dron ship than Choluna, and much more attached to my prompt, and I knew the prompter. So much about that situation made me determined to get it perfect.

And despite having a solid plan, I had to scrap my first draft. 10k words down the drain and I started over! Once I decided to open the fic not only mid-scene, but mid smut scene, well...Seems so silly now that I hadn't thought of it before! Things flowed much smoother after that!

3.) smile with sweet surprise: Hands down this is the most troublesome fic I've ever dragged into being 🤣 This one had no fest deadline, but a birthday deadline! Writing a gift for someone in particular is a whole other level of pressure, let me tell you!

Not only that, but it's a story that had been brewing in my head for a while and...well. It brewed for so long for a reason. It was incredibly difficult to put into words. The smut alone was a feat unto itself due to being incredibly hot and thus very distracting to write.

Just getting the story down took ages, but the editing was even worse. As a general rule of thumb, I do very little editing to avoid tempting my inner perfectionist. Once the perfectionism comes out, I fear things might never see the light of day, because nothing can truly be perfect. This is one that almost got lost to over-editing, but thankfully the deadline pushed me to post chapter 1, and the enthusiasm of friends pushed me to post chapter 2.

Y'all just gotta wish me luck on chapters 3-5 because I'm reaaaaaally gonna need it. 😅

fanfiction asks

[lovenona]

me, waking up: oh another day. then, after reading your answer: HOLY SHIT. guess i'm now the loving ramble enabler (LRE?). and DO NOT apologize for being passionate about smt that makes you happy you lovely human being that u are! hearing you ramble (how many times will i use this word idek) about the creation process made my day dammit! and i can assure you, reading about it is as good as reading the masterpiece itself, especially considering how good you are at manifesting the vibes (tm) (pt1)

(pt 2 bc word count sucks) how did you first get interested in pirate history? (if you don't mind me asking ofc) *slides 15 bucks* please, be my guest. do tell us more about the writing/revision process. sincerely, a genuinely interested person currently wondering why the fuck tumblr won't let her do a paragraph break. have a lovely night/day!

bestie ur rly enabling me 😭 ur so sweet skSJKAJSk i will tell u so much under this god damn cut 

first because this is the easy response: how did u get interested in pirate history????

short answer: keira knightley in pirates of the caribbean BYE 💀

long answer: it’s basically a mix of those movies being a centerpiece of my childhood and me just thinking pirates are cool SKJSKAj i’m very much into history n my uni had a course on ‘history of pirates’ last spring so i took it as smth to do during quarantine and i ended up really loving it !!! i’m actually workin on historical fiction short story abt anne bonny and mary read rn which required me to do a lot more research on pirates (under the black flag by david cordingly is a very good book on piracy!) and my research has been very interesting just in general and for writing the odyssey – i've incorporated little historical tidbits here n there to add to the world-building :’)

next: ur writing process

ok so let’s go cray besties i’m going to tell u abt the life of adele writing the odyssey!!!! i’ll try talking abt this in some semblance of a logical step-by-step

1. manifesting vibes + outline

i talked abt this last time but manifesting the vibes is very important ! the first things i like to do when getting ready to write a new chapter is define the setting – place(s), weather, time, and general mood 

while i have a pretty good idea of how many chapters it will be and where the odyssey ends, i usually don’t plan a chapter in super great detail until it’s time to sit down n write it. i have general points of people to include + things that would be important to the plot + vibes i hope to include (parts 6 and 7 r gonna SLAP!!), but these never get fleshed out until it’s Time. my outlines are therefore usually not very detailed because i like to give the odyssey room to do its own thing – i find it important that the story takes its time and we get to the important stuff whenever it wants us to. an outline will usually b something like, in the case of the furies call part 2: 

find megumi, talk abt his role in the zenin clan – naoya arrives on shore and shit hits the fan – run to find mai, maki fights her father – fight between naoya and todou – todou dies because you can’t kill naoya – sukuna rescues reader and it ends

after i have smth that looks like this as well as a decently clear idea of how everything will look and feel we get started!!

2. writing (pain)

arguably the worst stage for any creator! writing! at this point i genuinely just let go and let god tbh. i have no idea how i do things at this stage other than see how many commas + dumb poetic phrases i can include SKKSJKA – sometimes things just happen and it’s really cool!! for example in part 4 i didn’t know the guns warehouse was going to blow up until i was writing it and it just happened 

i do have a set quota of words i meet every time i sit down to write so that i A. feel accomplished and happy when i'm done, even if it sucks and B. don’t get burnout and start hating what i do. this stage is always difficult because writing is just hard and takes a lot of brainpower and self-discipline </3

i wld say the hardest part is that i run the risk of getting very overwhelmed – by the complexities of the plot, by how fucking long it takes me to write, by how much work writing itself is ! for example, abt 7k or so into part 5 i started having the worst existential dread when i realized that this chapter was not even halfway done and i wld have to surpass 15k before it was (at the time of writing this, part 5 is 16.3 💀) it just gets hard sometimes to overcome that and maintain the motivation to keep going and know that everything will be fine when it’s done – thankfully everyone here is so patient and sweet so it makes me feel better when i'm taking forever and/or need time off <333

basically, as always, the pain of writing is just having to write and come to terms with the fact no one else is going to manifest it for u. and have fun too!! writing is only fun when ur writing what u think is cool 

3. revision (less pain)

one of the fun stages, but also the point when i start to become impatient! writing an odyssey chapter can easily take 2.5-3 weeks even if i'm writing my quota every single day (part 5 took roughly 3 weeks of writing every god damn afternoon) and after that i spend another few weeks just going back and rereading/fixing everything. 

i basically start by rereading sections of the chapter to change sentence structure, grammar, dialogue, or whatever else i don’t like – sometimes sentences sound stupid or certain things don’t make a whole lot of sense so i like to go back and polish up! for example i changed the arrival of maki/mai/nobara in furies call part 1 about ten times before i decided it made sense to me

this step can be horrendous because i'll often write things really shitty in the first draft with a “i’ll come back to this later” mindset and then get mad at myself later for being a hoe <//3

in essence, i'm a horrible perfectionist so i will usually reread everything and change or add things multiple times before i think i'm finally ready to share. most of the time, as the chapter gets closer and closer to completion i become more and more hyper-fixated on it – i’ll start spending almost all of my free time just rereading and looking for minor fixes or places that don’t vibe as well. 

at the end of this step, my favorite thing to do before i queue the chapter up to post is sit down and just read the entire thing once or twice and give it one last kiss before i send her off into the world <3

so anyway there’s my ted talk of how i usually make the odyssey ! i vibe, write, revise n take forever to do all three steps but that’s just part of the fun! thank u for tuning in if u have any other questions u wld like me to overshare on i am more than happy to talk abt it :’)

[theficplug]

{My Boyfriend Does My Makeup with Trevante}

{The YouTube Series}

Warnings: none , fluff

Trevante  finally had some time off after his latest film had wrapped and although you were both private about your relationship. You decided to give your boos (your viewers) something special for 307k. 

"Welcome to or back to my channel my boos. I have a special guest today. Everybody say hello to my boo bear. Who agreed to do the My Boyfriend Does My Makeup Challenge with me. Say hey baby." You say to him as he flashes his pearly whites at the camera and you can already tell you're going to have to filter the thirst comments. 

"Hey , I'm uh Trevante y'all probably have seen me in a few things. If I seem like that familiar face that you can't put a name to. That's why. Also looking forward to playing some characters that don't die halfways through." He says jokingly at the end before giving a shy awkward little nod to the camera. 

You take his hand in yours and nuzzle closer into his side to get him to relax a little. 

"What I think a lot of people don't know is that even though he's always in front of the camera. He's also kinda shy and doesn't like a lot of attention on him, but unfortunately for you baby is that BOI WE FINNA BE ON YOUR ASS IF YOU MESS IT UP." You say jokingly as you set out all of the makeup and a little cheat sheet to tell him where everything goes. 

You watch him break into a smile and throw his hands up.

"Ye of little faith. That hurts bae." He says pretending to be hurt with his hand over his heart dramatically. 

"I'm only joking. I believe in you. Gimme kiss?" you ask before he pokes his lips out for you to press a soft kiss to his lips. 

"Alright , I'm ready. Today we're gonna use the Fenty foundation? We're just gonna take Miss Riri's stuff and rub it in, all over the face. You don't really need a sponge or brush or any of that. That's all to get you to spend more money." He says to the camera as if he knows what he's doing. 

You try to hold in your laughter while looking at the camera and shaking your head.

"You're doing good Tre. I feel prettier already. What's the next step?" You ask him as you watch him work. His tongue slightly poking out as he's concentrated on getting your face to look "right". 

Sometimes you just get caught up in how beautiful and kind he is. He always takes care of you and tries his hardest to be involved in anything you're interested in.

"I feel you eyeing me while I work and lemme just say it's highly distracting ma'am. I'm a professional." He says jokingly before giving you a quick kiss. You tug at his bottom lip before kissing him again.

"SHE GETTING DEMONETIZED Y'ALL. We gotta keep it pg." He says before working his way down the little cheat sheet you've left him. 

"If you poke me in my eye. I'm swinging." You say to Trevante as he grips your chin gently while trying to apply eyeliner.

"Y'all see how she be treating me? Gon beat my ass in front of all of y'all like that.  Lemme stop before that's all over Twitter. Shhh, stop fidgeting let me get it right. " He says and you can feel the felt tip going past where the little flick needed to stop. 

"How do I look baby?" You ask as you batting your eyelashes at him and watch his face scrunch slightly at messing it up.

"Hollup it's whopped on that side. Give me a wipe from over there please. . . You said earlier that you wanted to ask me some questions." Tre says to you not bopping along to the soft music playing in the background.

"If you could not love me in this way anymore. Do you think you could love me in a different way? Because you know how when some people break-up. It's so traumatic for them that they can't bare being around the person that they were with because the love there is different." You ask the heavy hitting question that came from an insta sticker. This man was actually a giant teddy bear and pouting at your question.

"For the record I ain't going nowhere. This man put a ring on it." You say giggling and waiting for his response.

"I love you in all ways , always. You know that. But, I'm tryna think about what you're asking. You're saying if weren't together no more. Could I still love you? Absolutely, we were friends before even getting together. When we met in the makeup trailer. I knew that you were going to be important in my life. And that I was gonna love you in some way. But I am grateful that I get to love you this way. I get to love you romantically , emotionally, spiritually, and (cover your ears kids) physically. I'm in love with you." He says before giving the camera a wink and blowing a kiss at them. 

Your jaw drops slightly at his response. You could not be more in love with this man if you tried. You thought to yourself before leaning in to kiss his nose and then all over his face and finally his lips. 

"Damn, I mean I think I like you or whatever." You say to his as he smacks his teeth and shakes his head while laughing at your response. 

"I'm in love with you too Nemour. I only had 3 questions picked out. So here's my second one. When is the wedding? Someone on Instagram asked." You say to him as he nods 

"We have a date and it's in my fiancee's favorite season and that's about all I can tell you on that. But I'm sure when it's all said and done she'll put a cute little video package together for y'all." He says as he applies highlighter to your nose and you look at him before bursting into laughter.

"Of course. I promise my boos will be included into the wedding somehow, but Y'ALL lemme bring the camera in please look at how this man got my nose looking like a Christmas ornament. We're going on a lil date right after this. I'm finna be looking shhmmooking hot." You say sarcastically and he couldn't even stay pressed as he breaks out into laughter with you. 

"Okay so you're on the last part of my routine which is lips. So before you start I'll ask one last question from Twitter. It says what was our first impression of each other." You smile at the question remembering exactly what he was wearing and everything.

"Well I met you while working on the set of Predator. I was like damn okay lil chocolate drop. Can I get your number? No, but really I thought you were beautiful and funny and just like full of light. There were some early morning call times where I was just grumpy as hell and had to wake up at like 4am and have to hang off fake plane for who knows how long. But there you were in the trailer already dancing around to this one throwback song and giving everybody positive morning affirmations.

Just getting shit done too. I was just standing there watching you in your element. Your lil fro bouncing side to side as you swayed around getting all of your supplies together. And I remembered you ordered everybody breakfast with like Uber Eats or something. Your energy had me hooked from the start. I think I'm more of a morning person now because of you." He says as he picks out the lipstick color.

"You never told me that! That's so sweet boo bear. I was just trying to make everybody feel better 'cause those were some long ass hours. Trying to add all the lil scars and makeup and everything so early in the morning was a lot. But I got to spend more time with you so I wasn't complaining. My first impression of you hmmm. I think I was shocked at how beautiful you are! Wait , wait lemme explain. I've seen you before on that one Tyler Perry show as Ramsey before you got killed off. And just like when I found out you were going to be in that film. I was nervous as hell. And when you walked into the trailer with your beanie almost over your eyes and your headphones on like you were too cool for school. I knew I had to play it cool. I just like sauntered over to you and offered you a breakfast plate. It worked though. Cause you was grooving to Brandy too. After that I realized how you have the driest humor, and yet you are the funniest person I know. I mean like dad joke central with him. He be slapping his knee and everything y'all. But he could've been a whole comedian." You say to the camera and he waits for you to finish before he starts applying the deep plum shade of lipstick.

"My humor may be dry but you still be doing the scatter run when I do the Norbit voice." He says laugh softly at you already about to start wheezing. 

"Done?" You ask him as he sits back admiring his work. 

"I don't think I did too bad. Look" he says handing you the mirror as you look closely

"My lashes barely hanging on and my eyeliner doing the Cha Cha Slide but other than that I think it looks good. You did a good job baby." You say giving him a kiss as he smirks into it. Already getting the big head.

"I'm coming for your brand baby. Multi-talented." He says to the camera.

"Alright and with that I'mma end this video before his head gets even more inflated. I seen some juicer questions earlier but y'all there ain't no tea. We sexy but our own type of sexy. I gotta show y'all the photos from Halloween when we dressed as Marcus Burnett and Mike Lowry from Bad Boys... We're that couple."  You say chuckling softly.

"Alright my boos, y'all know what to do. Like , comment , and subscribe if you want. Turn on the notification bell so you can know when your faves fave post again. Who knows I might get him to do the No Hands Kissing Challenge for 400k. And an OnlyFans video for 1 million." You say half jokingly as it flies over his head for a moment before the lightbulb goes off. 

"I don't know about all that maybe 5 milli. Alright y'all , be kinder to yourselves and stay blessed. Byyyeeeee" He says in your voice as he does your outro and you couldn't wait to just wrap your arms around him and love on him. 

[deniigi]

Hello! Just about to sit down and read your newest fic, so excited about it! I had a question for you (you very well may have answered this already, so sorry in advance!), but do you have advice for writing? Advice in terms of getting start, plotting out stories, helping get the creative juices flowing? I have all these ideas but seem to lack the drive to get things written out. I know the best advice is to just write, but I'm having a horrible time starting. What do you do in those moments?

Hello my dear!

Sorry for taking so long to get back to you. The lord has blessed me with a head cold and ruined all my plans of productivity for the day, so I can finally answer this ask! I’ll talk a little bit about both how to get started with a story and then some little things that help me motivate myself.

I have started a tag for writing advice here: http://deniigi.tumblr.com/tagged/writing-advice

This is going to be a long post, sorry mobile users.

I am going to preface all of this with the understanding that I am technically a professional writer in terms of like, a handful of ways, but I have absolutely zero training in creative writing, so take everything I say with a grain of salt!

So, I personally find that, on the whole, that psychological hurdle of getting started comes a lot from the anticipation of the kind of response a story will get (how many hits, how many comments, how many kudos) in addition to a bit of anxiety or fear over  theloss of sustained interest in that story (by yourself and/or by your audience). I find that this can be alleviated by really, truly internalizing the understanding that you are allowed to write your work however you damn please, for whoever you damn please.

There will be work you write for others, and there will be work you write for yourself. Not all work needs to be published; sometimes, it is really nice to just write shit for yourself; it is a plus for humanity if you decide to share it with others, but you do not have to do that.

Furthermore, I would like to present you with this:

This is what my current folder for under fire looks like. And you might notice that there are almost always multiple drafts per chapter. Yes, I did in fact rewrite chapter four 5 fucking times, you bet your ass I did. And I’m not ashamed of it. I think the story is better for it. And that’s the important thing here: you do not need to produce a perfect draft the first time around. You will not produce that perfect draft. Accept this. Embrace this. Embrace it and your cat at the same time to really ingrain it as a warm, fuzzy feeling.

Liberate yourself from the pressure of needing to produce the perfect, most right draft and you may find starting the piece overall to be a much easier, more pleasant experience.

And along with this beautiful, uplifting spiritual advice, I also bring a practical thought: when it comes to getting started, a lot of times, people feel like they need to set the stage, yadda yadda yadda. Ha. No. Fuck that.

That’s a surefire way to bore the shit out of yourself. Start right in the middle of a scene that captivates you if that’s what you want to write. It’s a free platform. No one’s gonna arrest you if you stick Spiderman upside down in trash first thing. They might even applaud you actually, because you didn’t make them slog through some of that ‘It was the evening of the 25th and it was cold out in the streets” bullshit we all learned from Dickens.

Alright. Now let’s talk about actually getting started making words appear on paper.

So, from my knowledge there are generally two ways that folks write creatively. You have what I’m going to call the planners and then you what I’m going to call the monsters (I call them this entirely affectionately, I’m sure there’s a better word for these folks, but I don’t have it atm, all I have is a headcold). Planners are folks who sit down and work out their major plot points, who write outlines, and who create the scaffolding of their work before they set out on their magical journey. I think of these folks as architects.

And then you have the monsters and these are those fuckers who just sit down and write stream of consciously like the heathens all our high school teachers tried to teach us not to be.

I am both a planner and a monster. And a lot of that depends on the length of work I’m going for. I have never in my life planned a one-shot, for example. I just attack that as it is. I follow my heart, if you will. But when it comes to longer chaptered fics, I really do think that some outlining is super helpful.

You might find it useful for one-shots, though, I dunno. Maybe give it a try and see what happens?

The two main fics I’ve done proper outlines for are Inimitable and under fire and I actually find outlining to be immensely helpful in psyching me up to write the story (I go through and re-read my outlines when I start to lose interest or diverge too much from the plot outlined there in the actual writing. 9 times out of 10, re-reading gets me stupid excited to write all over again) and it also helps me keep momentum going throughout the plot.

Here’s a pic of some pages of under fire’s outline.

Physically writing the work is really important for me because it forces me to only put down key points/feelings/ideas I want to include, whereas typing gives me far too much room to get lost/distracted by extraneous detail. And since my handwriting is a teacher’s worst nightmare and I cross out shit and write huge with emotion, I’ll give you a little bit of what the middle page here says:

Miles-

there’s something thrumming

vibrating in his ears wherever he goes

-closes his eyes and somehow enters blackness- emptyness (Stranger Things style)

beat

beat

beat

“help.”

–BACK - everything is gone

closing his eyes doesn’t bring the space back

–it makes him panic. He doesn’t know why. His heart is pounding. He’s sweating He has a horrible feeling of doom.

beat

beat

beat

its gone.

he goes home anxiously. Pretends everything is normal.

his neck crawls

So basically it’s less of a formal outline and more of a collection of stream of consciousness feelings and screenplay directions which I’ll flesh out in the actual story.

Personally, I love writing these kinds of things because they get me pumped for the story I’m about to tell. I get to write out the key scenes and work through all the hard parts first, and then, while I’m writing, I work through the little fun details and banter and I have to write to figure out how we get from one scene to the next and I love the challenge of having to fit those pieces together. I very rarely stick strictly to my outline, (as anyone who is currently reading under fire can tell you right now), but I do try to stick to the main plot points in it and my writing is certainly better for it.

So yes. Outlining is very good, but it is even better when you do it to some kind of music. I listened to What’s Up Danger from the Into the Spiderverse soundtrack on repeat while I wrote this outline to kind of transfer some of the relentless pace conveyed in that song to the piece’s plot.

I highly recommend using music to set the mood of your piece while/before you write a piece of any length. It helps get you in the right headspace (excited or somber or angry) to write. You need emotion to write creatively. You can’t just make that happen sometimes; you need a little help.

A couple other things which might help:

1. Leave your house or the space you’re normally in. Go to a cafe and find a nice corner and have a think and a try in there. Sometimes moving to a different space helps you escape cyclical thinking patterns.

2. Write what you want to read. Don’t bother writing for other peoples’ interests; that’ll just bore the shit out of you all over again.

3. Find an atmospheric mood sound to listen to on Youtube or smth (I personally like Rain on a Car Windshield for slightly somber fics, but you might be into ocean storms or dripping caves or whatever).

4. Heat your feet. I don’t know why but I am entirely unproductive when my feet are cold. Maybe this one is me-specific, but whatevs. Heat the feets!

5. If you’re still having trouble just sitting down and pounding the story out, that’s okay! Maybe it’s not ready to be written yet. Maybe you’re not in the right headspace yet. Sometimes that’s just how it is. One story makes its way out in like, a hour, and the next one takes like, months to finally be written. We all work at different paces. We all write for different reasons.

It might help to figure out why you want to write a story before you write it. Like, if its for attention, it’s gonna be hard as hell. But if there’s an idea that you feel like is important or if there’s a mood you’re trying to work yourself into or out of, then that might be a little easier. For example, I wrote a piece called make it work which is about Fogs finding his motivation to be a lawyer and fight for justice when Kavanaugh was confirmed and I felt super helpless in the face of our present justice system. That story kind of wrote itself and it needed to be written, I feel, not just for me, but for others who were feeling just as helpless.

Writing is catharsis in that way. Maybe you just need to find out what you need to wring out of your soul.

Sorry that got very metaphysical. But I do want to stress that getting started and ending a story are the hardest parts of writing them, so you are definitely not alone if you feel like you’re ramming your head into a wall here.

I hope something here helps you, my dear!

[queerofcups]

could u do all the numbers for with plans with you and because we are fools if it's not too much trouble? i'm curious :)

Party!

Because We Are Fools

1: What inspired you to write the fic this way?When I first started hanging out in the fandom I had lots of theories about potential relationship structures DnP might be in that were way more complicated than “they’re together and closeted”. This was one of those theories.

2: What scene did you first put down?Dan creating the wedding invite.3: What's your favorite line of narration?Literally any moment where Dan’s like “this is fine. this is fine. i’ll just pretend i’m not in love with him!”. Because girl, what? 

4: What's your favorite line of dialogue?There’s like...not a lot of dialogue in this fic? Proportionately? But for someone that doesn’t do humour that well, I think this is pretty funny. C 

Dan drags a hand through his hair. “Ok. Um. Shit, do I care that they know?” 

He glances at Phil, who’s nonplussed enough to go back to whatever he was doing on his computer. “Phil! Do we care?”

“Care about what?” Phil asks, looking up and pushing his glasses back onto the bridge of his knows. Dan just wants to crawl back into bed with him, honestly. “Oh no, stress quiff.”

“That they know,” Dan says, gesturing to the phone with his other hand. “Fuck the stress quiff.”

“That we have sex?” Phil shrugs. “I thought they all already knew. Also, you remember that time you accidentally got jizz everywhere and we fell asleep and my hair was all weird in the morning? I don’t think I should fuck the stress quiff, Dan.”

“Wow, so they probably also hear that,” Dan says, distressed. “They know we’re fucking and that you’re a fucking oddball.”

“We knew that already,” Louise’s tinny voice says from the phone. “Not the sex thing. The other thing.”

Dan takes a deep breath and focuses on the phone. “Louise. You’re allowed to talk about the sex thing but just with the people you’re with right now. I don’t want this all over youtube. And don’t talk about the other thing at all.”

“The jizz in the hair thing?” Louise asks.

Dan closes his eyes. “Well, it’s too late if I was talking about that. No. The,” he lowers his voice. “the love thing.”

5: What part was hardest to write?Keeping them from just talking about their feelings and getting together, or not, too soon. Because its not a miscommunication fic. Its a fic about people keeping things from each other out of fear, and out of obtuseness, when it would be so much easier (but a much shorter story) to just let them talk and decide if they’re going to date or not. I had to lean super hard on Dan being like, ok but what if he’s not in love with me, despite it being really, really obvious that Phil was. I still think that part is one of the weakest parts of the fic.

6: What makes this fic special or different from all your other fics?It’s the longest thing I’ve written and posted and will be until my PBB. 7: Where did the title come from?From Denitia and Sene’s song Because We Are Fools. That alternate title is also from that song “Why Do We Fall in Love”As for the chapter titles: ch 1 - Frank Ocean - Ivy, ch 2 - Trampled by Turtles - Midnight on the Interstate, ch 3 - The Front Bottoms - Peach, ch 4 - Iron&Wine/The Talking Heads - This Must be the Place, ch 5 - ...i actually have no idea.8: Did any real people or events inspire any part of it?Well I mean. DnP and the other youtubers and TATINOF.9: Were there any alternate versions of this fic?Not really. There were versions where they got together sooner. 10: Why did you choose this pairing for this particular story?I hadn’t yet pledged my allegiance to kickthefire.11: What do you like best about this fic?I have a lot of affection for Fools! It’s the second fic I posted ever and ended up being 20k, like bitch what kind of confidence? I think its an interesting story to read from my perspective because there’s a lot of things I did in this fic that I’d never do again, and some stuff that pops up pretty often.12: What do you like least about this fic?Ok, so I actually don’t think Fools is that good of a fic? I don’t think the characterization holds up all that well (admittedly I feel like DnP have been very open with us in 2017 and I was like, brand new to fandom when I wrote this) and ultimately I think the way I dealt with the “will they, won’t they” is actually a pretty weak narrative. Like there wasn’t enough conflict to warrant the word count. 

Also its unbeta’d which means that whenever I try to reread it, I always end up wanting to go in and fix all the errors.13:What music did you listen to, if any, to get in the mood for writing this story? Or if you didn't listen to anything, what do you think readers should listen to to accompany us while reading?

Yeah! I almost always have little playlists for my fics that I sometimes share.Denitia and Sene - because we are fools.Iron & Wine - This Must Be the PlaceDua Lipa - Thinking 'Bout YouChildish Gambino - Terrified The Front Bottoms - PeachChairlift - Get RealShura - What's It Gonna Be

14:Is there anything you wanted readers to learn from reading this fic?15:What did you learn from writing this fic?

With Plans, With You

1: What inspired you to write the fic this way?I was going through a big big queer punk phase at the time and I find fandom’s depiction of punks to be interesting but not really accurate to my interactions with folks who identify as punk/experience identifying as a punk(....?). A lot of it was also that I was into a queer punk band that was just about to break it big on the mainstream so I was thinking a lot about what it means to be a “sell out”. They ended up not doing so, but that was a big influence.

2: What scene did you first put down?The image of Dan and Alex talking about being sellouts while Alex gets a tattoo. I don’t tend to write stories very out of order.

3: What's your favorite line of narration?I think Dan being really aggressively protective of his identity. I know that I’m constantly on high alert for misgendering and people being even a little weird about trans and gender nonconforming people and, when it happens, immediately being like nope, you’re cancelled, we hate you now. So that felt super true to life (except the part where Phil immediately picks up on it and apologizes. That’s generally not how that part goes, unfortunately).4:What's your favorite line of dialogue?So, context, Dan’s a trans dude and he and some OCs are in a punk band that’s just about to break into the mainstream. 

When they finish, he tilts his head. “So, I take it there’ve been a lot of pregnancy scares among the band?”

Alex glances at Dan, who nods almost imperceptibly, and says. “Nope, just Dan.”

“Yeah?” Phil asks, turning to look at Dan.

Dan shrugs. “Before T, yeah. They knew me pretty well at the clinic. ‘s why I went off dick for a while.”

“Yeah, you did,” Alex says, winking at him.

“Huh,” Phil says, and Dan knows that voice. That is the voice of “I was interested in you, but then figured out what your deal was below the belt”. 

Dan fucking hates that voice. 

Alex seems to pick up on it, juts their chin out a little. “We’re not afraid to talk about queer shit, or trans shit. Dan writes our lyrics, and that’s his life. If I was writing them, I’d probably write about genderqueer shit. Lalala fuck you, I’m not a ma’am.”

5: What part was hardest to write?Probably the opening tattoo scene just because I knew it was going to be a shortish piece, so I had to get the exposition of the whole AU, where the band was, what the relationship between Dan and Alex was all in that first scene.6: What makes this fic special or different from all your other fics?It’s probably the one that’s most of me? Like I have a lot of tattoos, I have exes I’m friends with, I go to a lot of shows and sometimes identify as punk, I’m genderqueer, I use they/them pronouns, I wanted to be a music journalist for years, I was listening to the bands that wrote the songs I lifted for this fictional band. I wouldn’t say its the most personal thing I’ve written (that’s everybody told me it was bad to do), but it was the most things lifted from my life.7: Where did the title come from?90% sure it’s a modification on Priests’ amazing song Modern Love / No Weapon, which is my favorite song of theirs, holy shit.8: Did any real people or events inspire any part of it?Yeah. Like I said above, I was super into this queer punk band that was about to break into the mainstream and of course had lots of people talking about whether they were sell outs or not. They didn’t break the scene because of some stuff, and I’m glad that stuff happened and the scene turned their backs on the band, but there’s a real sense of wow, we really could have had it all. But that’s all extra stuff that happened long after this fic.9: Were there any alternate versions of this fic?Nah. I think about continuing it out into a proper fic, but its so closely tied with me really falling in love with that band that didn’t break the scene and the reason they didn’t break the scene had to do with one of their members doing something really violent and it just hurts to think about now. And I don’t think I could really extricate the fic from those magical few months of loving that band so. Yeah, furthering it existed in my head but I doubt it’ll ever happen. 10: Why did you choose this pairing for this particular story?So I think its obvious why I chose DnP, but I’ll also say the reason I had Dan be in a band with his ex, an ex who’s also his best friend, is because lol that’s pretty true to what I’ve seen in the queer community. There are only so many of us, even fewer when you start factoring in gender stuff, so its hard to just let go of relationships when you break up.

11: What do you like best about this fic?I think the band is a riot and make a perfect greek chorus for DnP’s budding relationship.12: What do you like least about this fic?That I can’t finish it tbh.13:What music did you listen to, if any, to get in the mood for writing this story?Or if you didn't listen to anything, what do you think readers should listen to to accompany us while reading?

Unsurprisingly, a lot of punk! I listened to a lot of The Front Bottoms, Priests, Ought, Modern Baseball, PUP, Girlpool, Childbirth, Chastity Belt, The Spook School, Ramshackle Glory. And two other bands that I won’t rec, but will say that consent is everything folks, and if you don’t ask for it, you deserve to lose your music career!

14: Is there anything you wanted readers to learn from reading this fic?Uhm. That punk is 1000% fewer spikes than you think and way more people in ripped jeans and bandshirts and sticknpokes singing about their feelings.15: What did you learn from writing this fic?Ugh, that I need more queer punks in my life.