#the last party I went to I had this whole heart to heart conversation with someone I just met cause I went over to her

[highhhfiveee]

safety net (pornstar!mike schmidt x reader)

tags: fluff? angst? just exposition really. no mentions of porn or sex here! just mike being a hero and reader appreciating him errors in here as usual!

part two: 💸

you didn't really do dating.

you'd tried so many times before to no avail. things would start nicely, people making your laugh float into the air and your heart flutter, but it never got past that. anytime you start to think about these things seriously, the other party pulls away. you're always left in the dust, responsible for picking up the pieces of your heart, gluing them back together, and trying again.

it's exhausting and after your last failure, you're not sure you want to try again.

one chance encounter on a dating app changes your mind. you think it's so foolish how easily you fall into it, giggling and kicking your feet at yet another potential partner, but when your first date is coordinated successfully and the second and the third, you begin to feel safe enough to indulge.

for your fourth date, you've arrived at this fancy restaurant in the middle of the city. you're super done up, wearing a dress that you love but have to return in the morning and your tallest pair of heels. your hair is swept up just the way simon, your date, likes it. you never liked it this way, but he calls you "so beautiful" when he sees you like this, and it makes your blood rush in your ears so you wear it up any time you're around him.

simon was nice, but you didn't have much in common; he was a straight-edge tech guy. he went to bed at 10 every night and woke up at 6 every morning, planning his days out in five-minute increments (he'd excitedly showed you his planner and you had to pretend that you were very very interested 💔).

you, on the other hand, woke up at noon on days you didn't have to work, going to bed at 4 am the night before. you never knew what to do and your apartment was covered in sticky notes donning different tasks: "read book". "wash dishes". "mail off package".

you two managed nice, small talk-ish conversation and he made you feel pretty. the only thing you two had in common was your love for coffee.

you're seated at your table and all goes well up until you receive the check, although you're a little bored. you're picking at your dessert and wondering if the art on the walls is real as simon opens the billbook and slides a card in there.

"i have to go to the bathroom. be right back," he stands, craning his head down to place a kiss on your cheek, and then you're alone, finally tuning into the din of the restaurant. it's busier than you realized.

your waitress takes your bill and leaves to tender you out. simon is still using the bathroom, and at first, it's not worrying. you wouldn't be surprised if he got lost on the way there, but after ten minutes, you start to worry.

the waitress returns to your table and you think you're fine to leave, but she sets the billbook on the table, stating, "did you have another form of payment? it said this card was expired."

you shake your head, anxiously blinking your eyes. "expired?" you open the book to see the $400 total at the bottom of your receipt and simon's card tucked behind the plastic pouch. you take it out and inspect the expiration date. three years gone.

"i--i, uh," you begin to panic. you had no idea what to do. you didn't have $400 in your bank account, $405.72 less than that actually. you didn't have anyone to call to spot you; what normal person had a casual $400 to throw at a friend for dinner? if you called your mom, she would laugh over the receiver the whole time, hanging up on you.

the waitress is staring at you, expectantly, but you can't even meet her gaze. in your alarm, you scanned your eyes around the restaurant and caught simon, in his very noticeable purple suit jacket, speed-walking towards the entrance of the restaurant.

you shoot to your feet, taking off your heels, wrangling up your other belongings and dashing after him.

you hear the waitress shout, "ma'am!" behind you but there's no stopping you. what are you gonna do, pay for the meal?

you're pushing yourself in between other patrons, forgetting your manners. you're hyperfocused on simon, keeping track of his head bobbing through the throng of people.

he's made it outside just a little before you, using a brisk pace to walk down the sidewalk.

"simon!" you yell, watching him speed up a bit until he's a phantom around the corner. "simon!!!"

there are some stragglers outside, just a few eyes on the frantic girl holding her heels and screaming. you're sure they think you're drunk, but you don't care.

you scream simon's name one more time. it's shrill and blood-curdling and something you'd never expect to come out of you. you didn't get upset like this, and you know you're truly upset when you feel a tear hit your arm.

you rarely cried, but here you were, breaking down on the sidewalk outside one of the most expensive restaurants in the state. you take a despondent seat on a bench, trying to catch your breath and stop crying. you take your hair down childishly, and the thought of simon liking it sends you back into tears.

you're a blubbering, snot-covered mess when mike sees you. he's exiting the restaurant, asking for his car from valet when he notices you on the bench, staring blankly into the air.

you're beautiful, and he's unsure as to why you're sitting here in tears. no one else decides to check on you. he takes the initiative.

his hand reaches out to your shoulder and it makes you jump, shouting at him to back away from you. he holds up his hands, muttering, "hey, hey. i'm sorry, i don't want to hurt you. i just wanted to ask if you were okay."

you don't expect the voice that comes out of him. its suburban, syrupy tone doesn't quite match his look; his hair is freshly cut and it feels like there's not a single wrinkle in any of his clothes. they look quality, and expensive. the rings adorning most of his fingers give off the same vibe.

great. one of these guys.

"i'm fine," you snap, wiping at your congested nose with the back of your hand. "i don't need saving, especially not from a nice guy like you."

mike laughs, and you're embarrassed to admit to yourself that you like how it sounds.

"who said i was a nice guy? i just asked if you were okay." you shrink away, avoiding his eyes.

"it's not my fault that you give that off. sounds like a you problem."

mike doesn't stop talking to you, which is surprising. even with all the disrespect, he sits beside you and rummages along the inside of his jacket for something to give you.

you don't admit it, but you're thankful for the small plastic package of tissues. "everyone has problems. there seems to be one plaguing you right now," he leans into your shoulder, eyeing you intently. "wanna tell me what it is?"

you're still cleaning yourself up, taking another tissue out to wipe at your ruined makeup when the waitress marches out of the restaurant with two burly security guards behind her. she points to you with zeal, announcing, "that's her."

the security guards make their way over to you, disregarding mike as he asks, "woah, woah, what's going on?"

"this young lady tried to skip out on her bill." you shake your head irritably, standing to your feet. you're not even half the height of these dudes.

"i didn't, my date did. he put an expired card down to pay and then used the bathroom excuse to get out of it." mike shakes his head. in what world would someone try to escape a date with you?

"makes sense, but you still have to pay for the meal."

"how the fuck am i supposed to do that?" you screech, crossing your arms over your chest. "i don't have any money. i have to return this stupid fucking dress in the morning just so i can pay my rent."

the dress is nice. it's a black satin maxi dress with thin straps and a slit up the side. it's fairly simple, but mike can't deny how well it fits you, and how good you look in it.

"i don't know what you're going to do, but you better do something or we're going to have to call the police."

"fucking call them! i don't care," you retort, and so begins your back and forth with the security personnel.

"you don't care?"

"no."

"are you an idiot? you just don't care?"

"okay, one, i'm not an idiot and two, i really don't. this whole situation is fucking stupid. i can't pay the bill, okay? i don't know what to tell you."

"my mom always said that as a female, you should never be broke. maybe it's time for you to stand on that corner right there in that pretty dress and sell your---" the man is cut off by a sharp "hey, watch yourself. i'll fucking kill you." from mike. he steps to the security guards, who retreat a little when they realize he's not joking.

you don't know this man, not even his name, but he asked you if you were okay then and now, he's standing up for you, even after you accused him of being a nice guy. you make a mental note to apologize to him after all of this.

"i'll pay the fucking bill. how much is it?"

"it's $400, mr. schmidt," the waitress says, her face awash with red. Last name basis? How often did he come to this expensive ass restaurant?

mike looks at you and then back to the waitress, saying, "charge it to my tab. tip the bill." The waitress nods excitedly, echoing, "thank you, thank you, thank you" as she scurries back inside with the security guards. They give mike dirty looks the entire way back, giving up just before disappearing into oblivion.

mike faces you. He's a little disheveled in the eyes, the irritation he holds inside written all over his face. somehow, even his scowl is attractive.

you rub your hands over your goosebumped arms, the chill in the air wildly apparent. mike is instantly shrugging his jacket off and draping it over your shoulders, giving you a friendly smile. it's warm inside, and smells like the expensive department store colognes you snuck samples of as a kid. for some reason, you feel at ease.

"i'm sorry about your date. he sounds like a dickhead."

"yeah," you agree, biting at your cracked bottom lip. "i guess it's my fault. i really shouldn't have trusted a guy who planned his day by fives."

"hours?"

"minutes."

mike sucks air between his teeth, cringing at your words. "he sounds like a psychopath."

"maybe he was," you hum, using the lapels of mike's coat to pull it tighter around you. "dodged bullet."

"dodged bullet," he repeats, smirking down at you. his hazel eyes sparkle. you don't know why you feel so... positively unnerved yet tranquil in his presence. who was this man?

"mr. schmidt?" a valet worker in all white exits an expensive-looking, deep gray sports car. the interior looks like a spaceship, and you can't help but crane your neck a little further to get a better look.

you're not paying attention as the worker drops the keys into mike's hand and mike hands him a hundred-dollar bill he fished from his pocket. you're just focused on the car, wondering a million things. how much was it? how was its gas mileage? did it take premium gas or something more?

"do you need a ride home?" mike holds the keys up, jangling them in front of your face. you connect the dots and let out a loud belly laugh, completely blindsided.

"this is your car?"

"i...think so?" he teases, watching the happiness fall from your face. a ride home. why would you want to go home to be alone, once again collecting the jagged pieces of your broken heart from the floor?

mike instantly stiffens. "that was a joke," he clarifies, but you dismiss it with a raise of your hand.

"no no, it was fine, funny even. i just...i don't want to go home right now."

"do you want to come back to mine?" mike doesn't know if it's too forward, but it doesn't hurt to try. you needed company, and nothing would ever compel him to leave you here after everything. he catches the way your face twitches and raises his hands in defense again. "no funny business, i promise. just so you're safe, and not alone tonight."

you don't think over it very long. you'd been to plenty of strangers' houses, and this was only one night. you were sure you could trust this man. after your date from hell and nearly going to jail, what was the harm?

"okay, i'll come. thank you," you muse as mike leads you to the passenger side of his car. he opens the door for you, and you crane your head to him before you sit down. you're so close you can see the flecks in his hazel eyes, the freckles dusting the bridge of his nose, every single individual hair that peppers his jaw and mouth. it makes you forget your name.

"i'm y/n, by the way." he nods and smiles at you, wide and bright. suddenly, your legs feel like noodles.

"nice to meet you, y/n. i'm mike."

"mike," you repeat as you lower yourself into his car. "mike."

who knew where this would lead you?

been up all night writing this ayyeeeee, i write SO MUCH! going to work on writing blurbs, i promiseeeeeee. also this is very cute. i'm excited to delve into their story because it will be mostly pwp (for ficlets and blurbs) but definitely more structured for longer fics. can't wait to see where it goes!

[itneverendshere]

guilty conscience (+18)

chapter v

pairing: rafe cameron x female!reader

summary: when ward cameron, a renowned business man and millionaire specifically requested your services through an escort agency, you assumed it would be just another job—brief and straightforward. however, your entire world shifted when ward disclosed his true intentions and rafe cameron stumbled into your life. there were rules, and rules were meant to be followed. was money worth breaking someone’s heart?

author's note: shit goes down; there's a lot going on; drama queens 4life; IT'S STARTING BITCHES!!; jj's a little unhinged forgive him;

When you left your hotel, beaming with confidence over your achievements with the Camerons—especially after Ward deposited $1,563 into your bank account as a 'reward'—you never imagined the night would spiral into the personal hell you just crawled out of.

Rafe was the epitome of a gentleman, eagerly stepping out of his Jeep to open the door for you. The conversation flowed effortlessly, just as it had since that first day on the golf course. The party at Tannyhill was lively, with the perfect mix of guests and just enough booze. It promised to be a fucking great night. 

So how come you ended up locking yourself in this stupidly, heavily, decorated bathroom, someone may ask? Well, you’re just too pretty to go to jail for murder. 

It all started innocently enough.

The music was loud, the laughter even louder. You had just finished drinking a tequila shot with Rafe, when Topper called him over, a grin plastered on his face as he greeted Rafe with a slap on the back. 

Rafe brought you into a quick embrace, a hand placed on the back of your head as he pressed a faint kiss to your forehead. “I’ll be right back. You’ll be okay on your own?”

You flashed him a quick smile, despite the tequila still burning your throat, and gave a nod, feeling pleased inside by how caring Rafe was being. Maybe you’d already won him over.

Once he went off with Topper, disappearing into the sea of people, you took a beat to check out the scene around you and just as you contemplated another shot from the table, a light tap on your shoulder pulled you from your thoughts.

Turning around, you were met with a face you didn't recognize, softened by a bright expression that contrasted with your own residual tequila-induced one.

"Hi there!" she chirped; her voice filled with what felt like genuine warmth. "I'm Aria, Kelce’s girlfriend. Just wanted to say hi and make sure you're not alone.”

You returned her smile, feeling a wave of relief that she seemed so friendly. "Nice to meet you, Aria.”

She beamed at your words, and you could see a genuine sparkle in her eyes. "Likewise!” her hands moved expressively as she spoke, “Kelce told me he met you last week. It's nice to finally put a face to the name."

You chuckled, "Well, hopefully I live up to the hype."

She eagerly, her gestures punctuating her words, “’ Course you do. I’m so glad you’re here, it’s kind of exhausting to put up with these boys all by myself.”

Aria threw you off with her openness, but honestly, it was kinda refreshing. Like, there was this girl you never met before, and she was just laying it all out there. But even though you were partying, you were still very much working, and your brain easily caught onto her words. Was she not friends with Sofia? You were dying to know. 

You leaned in slightly, the loud music urging you to speak louder than necessary, “By yourself?”

“Huh— Guess there’s Sofia. But it’s kinda awkward now, y’know? After the whole Rafe fiasco.”

Consider yourself locked in. 

You had to keep yourself in check, making sure you didn’t sound too eager as you asked, “Rafe fiasco?”

Aria’s eyes widened slightly, as if she'd let something slip. She hesitated, glancing around the room to ensure no one else was within earshot. Her voice dropped to a conspiratorial whisper, "Yeah, it was this whole thing last summer. Rafe and Sofia used to be...well, you know, a thing."

Oh my fucking god. Son of a bitch.

He lied to your face.

Was that his plan all along? Use you to make Sofia jealous? What a fucking joke. You were supposed to be playing him, not the other way around. You gripped your cup until your knuckles went white and nodded, encouraging her to continue. 

She sighed, "It got messy. Real messy, okay? Rafe thought they were serious, but Sofia, well….When she broke it off, it was pretty harsh. He took it really hard."

A surge of anger shot through you and told yourself it was strictly professional.

So fucking what if he dated her? You were only pissy because that asshole had been lying to you the whole time. Which was very hypocritical of you, but to be fair, but he didn’t know that.

You tried to keep your cool, pretending to be just concerned and not about to blow the whole place up. You forced a sympathetic expression, even though inside you were fuming. "Really? I had no idea."

Aria sighed, clearly relieved to be sharing the gossip. "Yeah, he's a good guy. It's just...complicated."

Before you could answer, Rafe reappeared out of the blue, his muscular arm sliding around your waist like he'd done it a million times before.

"Hey, what are you two talking about?" he asked, flashing that charming smile that now just made you want to punch his perfect teeth. 

"Just girl talk," Aria said with a wink. "I'll leave you two lovebirds alone." She gave you a quick hug and disappeared into the crowd.

Lovebirds my fucking ass.

You couldn’t believe you fell for his shit. You’d been doing this for years and all it took for you to blindly believe a man, was a pair of nice eyes and a tiny waist?

Rafe turned to you, his boyfriend-like attitude still in place but his eyes searching yours. "Everything okay?"

No.

You wanted to scream at the top of your lungs in his face but contained your rage. Your brain was scrambling for ways to come up with a new game plan.

You swallowed your feelings, focusing all your energy on the money Ward dropped on your account. "Of course. Aria’s really nice."

He nodded, pulling you closer. His hand slid down your back, warm and strong, and despite everything, a shiver of pleasure ran through you. "Yeah, she is.”

You smiled up at him, even though you were still seething inside, “I think I need to hit the bathroom. Where is it?”

"Down the hall to the left," Rafe said, his hand lingering on your back as if he was reluctant to let you go. "Want me to wait for you?"

You forced a laugh, hoping it didn't sound as fake as it felt. "Nah, I'll be quick. Besides, you should catch up with Topper." You muttered, slipping away from his touch and ducking down the hall.

His fingers left a confusing trail of sensations on your skin, stirring up a mess of emotions that you weren't ready to confront just yet.

And that's how you ended up here, hiding in this ridiculously pink bathroom, staring at yourself in the mirror and wondering if you could plead temporary insanity.

You click the lock shut and slump against the sink, feeling the weight of the evening crashing down on you. Pressure simmers in your chest, making it hard to breathe as you try to make sense of the tangled mess Ward Cameron has dragged you into.

But one thing's for sure: you can't let this night end with you in handcuffs.

You straighten up and splash cold water on your face, letting the shock of it clear your mind— it’s a good thing you’re wearing waterproof makeup. You straighten your shoulders, letting the tension leave your body.

So, Rafe wants to play? Oh, you can play. You can do a lot worse. He isn’t going to derail your plans with his smooth talk and empty promises. It's nothing personal. At least you tell yourself that. 

As you step out of the bathroom, your brain races with anticipation. If Rafe thinks he can use you to make Sofia jealous, he's got another thing coming. You need to find out the truth, and fast.

Spotting the first guy in your peripheral vision, you take a deep breath and summon every ounce of charm you possess. With a confident stride, you make your way over to him, ready to flash him a dazzling smile as he turns. 

And just to your luck, you recognize him immediately. 

He's the guy who hit on you when you first arrived at the Outer Banks, the same guy Rafe intervened with to save you from his relentless flirting. JJ Maybank. Funny how things come full circle.

“Well, well, well,” There’s a shit-eating grin on his face as he leans against the nearest walls, eyes shamelessly trailing down your body, “If it isn’t Miss Not Interested.” 

A smirk tugs at the corner of your lips. Men are too easy. "Looks like you've got a good memory," you reply, your tone teasing yet confident. "Sill torn about it?”

“Hardly. Just nice to see a pretty girl like yourself come to her senses.”

You chuckle, batting your mascara-coated eyelashes playfully. "Oh, is that what you think this is? I'm just here to make you feel good about yourself?"

He laughs, the sound barely making it over the loud music as he steps closer to you, his gaze lingering on your lips. "Whatever it is, it's working," he quips.

You have to give him credit. JJ’s a natural flirt, and the surfer boy allure he brings to the table is tempting. Maybe you would’ve given him a ride in another life. 

You tilt your head, "Flattery will get you nowhere," you take a step back to maintain some distance between the two of you.

He tsks you, confidence unwavering. "We'll see about that.”

You flash him a coy smile, enjoying the game of cat and mouse. "Maybe we will.”

With a matching expression, JJ gestures toward the bar, invitingly. "I promise I'll behave."

You arch an eyebrow, considering his offer for a moment. What's the worst that could happen with one more shot, right? Plus, it could totally help take the edge off your body. You're just about to agree when a voice cuts through the noise of the party, breaking the moment. 

“What the fuck are you doing here, pogue?”

Oh, for the love of—there goes your fun. That worked faster than what you expected.

You turn to see Rafe striding towards you, his expression darkening as he locks eyes with JJ. It's clear from the intensity in his eyes that he's not pleased to see the two of you together.

Rafe's attention flickers between you and JJ, his jaw clenching as he sizes up the situation. There's a steely edge to his voice as he addresses the other blonde again, his words dripping with thinly veiled hostility, “I said, what the fuck are you doing here?”

JJ's grin remains firmly in place, though you can see the hint of amusement in his eyes. “Sup crazy. Nice house by the way, love what Rose did with the décor.”

You resist the urge to roll your eyes at their thinly veiled jabs. Men and their dick measurements. 

Rafe's nostrils flare, his patience wearing thin as he squares his broad shoulders, “Get away from her.”

JJ looks at him like he just escaped from some sort of institution, “Away from who?”

You're surprised Rafe hasn't punched JJ yet as he takes a step closer, his eyes narrowing into a dangerous glare. You can barely spot any blue in them. "Are you trying to get killed?”

JJ's grin widens, a hint of defiance flashing in his eyes as he leans back against the wall, seemingly unfazed by Rafe's threatening demeanor. "She came to me. I gotta say sweetheart, your boyfriend’s a real charmer."

Your tongue gets a mind of it’s own, and before you can really think about it, you’re letting the words slip out, “He’s not my boyfriend.”

Rafe's reaction is immediate, his gaze snapping to yours as he studies you, searching for any sign of deception.

"Is that so?" JJ asks as if he's really interested in whatever is going on and totally not trying to stir shit with Rafe.

You don't look away from Rafe, refusing to back down. You want to see if you can hurt him, if he cares a little.

"Yes." You reply, your tone firm but controlled.

Rafe's expression softens slightly, though you can still see the shadow of hurt lingering in his gaze. "Right." he mutters, his voice barely audible over the thumping bass of the music.

Okay, so maybe you didn’t think this through. It feels like you opened Pandora's box and now you’re stuck here.

Before you can say anything else, JJ interjects yet again, his smirk widening as he steps forward, effectively inserting himself into the conversation.

"Well, isn't this just precious," he says, his tone dripping with sarcasm. "I’ll let you two cuties work this out.”

JJ saunters off, leaving you alone with Rafe. You didn’t expect your simple declaration to have such an effect on him, and now you're left wondering if you've blown everything out of proportion by assuming shit instead of just talking to him. 

He still hasn't stoped staring, eyes burning with an intensity that sends a nervous flutter through your body, and for the first time in weeks, you don’t know what to do. 

"You—“ he starts, his voice trailing off as he struggles to find the right words. You hold your breath, waiting for him to continue, unsure of what to expect.

But before he can say anything else, a voice breaks through the tense silence, pulling your attention away from Rafe and back to the present moment.

What’s with people interrupting your conversations tonight?Jesus fucking Christ. 

"Hey, there you are!"

You turn to see Topper approaching, a drunk grin on his face, "Sorry to interrupt," he says, "Everything okay?"

Bless him and his lack of social skills to read the room.

Rafe's jaw tightens, but he manages to summon a smile, although it looks more like a grimace, for Topper's benefit. 

"Yeah, everything's fine," he replies, though his tone lacks the usual warmth.

Topper eyes him skeptically for a moment before shrugging it off. "Aight,  just wanted to let you know that we're heading down to the beach for a bonfire. You coming?"

Rafe glances at you and you want to die. Surely, he doesn’t hate you now? You didn’t just ruin everything you’ve worked for?

After a moment's hesitation, he nods, his smile returning though it doesn't quite reach his eyes. "Yeah, I'll be there in a minute."

Topper claps him on the back again, his grin widening.  “See ya there."

The tension between you is still palpable, thick enough to suffocate you if you let it. And then, the cap spills open and he snaps.

“JJ? Really? I invite you to my house, my house!” He all but grits out as he sticks his fingers into his chest with each word, “And you flirt with fucking Maybank of all people?”

You feel a violent urge to verbally put him to shame. A bitter laugh escapes your lips as you shake your head in disbelief "Why do you care?" you shoot back, your voice rising in tandem with your feelings. "We're not together."

Rafe’s eyes blaze with anger, and for a moment, you think he might lose control, but then he takes a deep breath, visibly trying to calm himself. "I care because I—" He stops, struggling to find the words. "Because I thought we had something."

You laugh again, the sound harsh in your own ears. "Oh, so now we have something?” You mock, bringing a hand to your lips, “Funny. How convenient that you lied to my face about Sofia, hm?”

Rafe’s face pales slightly. "That’s different."

"How?" you challenge, stepping closer. "You lied to me. You used me."

Hypocrite.

He opens his mouth to answer but then closes it. The silence between you stretches, and you want to shake him stupid. You can feel your heart pounding in your chest.

"I didn’t mean to lie to you," he finally says, his voice softer, almost pleading. "I just didn’t know how to tell you."

You tilt your head, unable to believe his excuses. "That’s bullshit, and you know it."

He turned away from you, pacing a few steps before whirling back around, his face a mask of conflicted emotions.

"I never wanted to use you. I—" He stopped again, slamming a fist into his open palm as if trying to physically force the words out. “You’re different.” Your face must tell him exactly how you feel, because before you can tell him to fuck off, he’s rushing to speak again, his hands gesticulating wildly as he tried to make you understand. “I know that sounds fucking insane, okay? You think I don’t know that?"

You swallow hard as he inches closer with every word, crossing your arms in an attempt to shield yourself from the raw intensity of his words. This is everything but professional of you. You know better than this. “You expect me to believe that?”

His hands drop to his sides, fingers twitching as if he wanted to reach out to you but didn’t dare. “I didn’t mean for any of this to happen,” he said, his voice breaking slightly. “When I met you, it wasn’t supposed to be like this. You’re not a part of some great scheme, okay? You’re—”

“Different?” you interrupted, your voice dripping with skepticism. “That’s the best you can come up with?” Your brows pinch together at the sight of him, the rise and fall of chest. 

“I don’t know how to explain it, but you make me feel things I didn’t think I could feel anymore.”

Oh god, no.

This isn’t right. It's like his confession snaps you back into your realm.

You’re getting more than what you barged for. You’re gonna break his heart. You take a step back, itching to run away from this stupid town, his words hit you like a punch to the gut, leaving you reeling.

“Rafe, I can’t—”

He closes the distance between you in two quick strides, his hands still cold from being outside gripping your shoulders.

 “Please, just listen,” he begs, his eyes searching yours for any sign of understanding. “It feels right, okay? You feel right. And it’s fucking crazy because we just met and— I don’t know how to do this again. She ripped my heart out, I don’t talk about it because then it never happened. Do you think I want to feel this away about you? No fucking way.”

You can feel his grip tightening on your shoulders, the desperation in his eyes cutting through you like a knife. He’s opening up, laying his soul bare, and you are standing here, lying to his face.

Pretending to flirt with someone else to get a rise out of him. Getting closer to him because his father is paying you to do so.

The guilt gnaws at you, a relentless force that makes it hard to breathe.

“Rafe, I—” Your voice trembles again. You want to tell him the truth, to come clean about everything, but the words caught in your throat, it’s almost like they’re eternally stuck there. You let out a breath as a blush crept up your cheeks.

“I really care about you, pretty. ‘M sorry I didn’t tell you.”

You watch him, a little mesmerized by his honestly, each apology killing you inside. You are here for money, not for him. So why are you feeling like this?

You nod, feeling a lump form in your throat. "I care about you too, but I’m only here for the summer.”

Your eyes flutter shut trying to reason with yourself. It's not a lie. But it's not the whole truth either. 

"I know," he says softly. 

You take a deep breath, trying to keep it together. "Rafe, this is getting complicated."

He steps closer, looking so serious it only makes the blood in your veins pump harder, "I don’t care how complicated it is. I want to be with you, even if it's just for the summer."

His words hit you right where it hurts. You can hear how genuine he is, see it in his eyes, like he's about to fall in love right then and there.

And for a moment, just a fleeting moment, you're tempted to let yourself get swept away by the sincerity in his voice and the earnestness in his eyes.

But then reality crashes back in, reminding you of the mess you're already in. You can't let yourself fall any deeper, no matter how tempting it is.

So, before you can overthink it, before you can stop yourself, you close the distance between you and him. Your entire body tingles as you lift your hand to cup his cheek, feeling the warmth of his skin beneath your fingertips, the subtle tingle of his stubble against your thumb. 

And then you press your lips to his, his mouth slotting over yours naturally— needy and eager.

Rafe presses you against the wall JJ was leaning against just ten minutes ago, hands roaming eagerly over your body. One hand finds its way to your waist, pulling you closer to him with an iron possessive grip, and you match his intensity as you lean into him, drawing him impossibly closer by clutching his polo and pulling him closer with a firm grasp at the nape of his neck. 

And it’s right then and there you decide: You're gonna tell Ward Cameron to go fuck himself.

[uniquedinosaurdreamland]

Lionesses x Reader

-Spiderman and Cinderella-

Cute little start to a maybe series xx

Lionesses x Reader, Lionesses x R!Children!

🌷

Your whole life was flipped upside down at sixteen. You were on your way to become an amazing football player, playing the the U17’s Lionesses as well as in the Liverpool Academy and were deemed one of the best upcoming players. But It all went down hill when one night at a party you got drunk, slept with a guy and before you knew it, you were standing in a bathroom with a positive pregnancy test staring right back at you.

Conversation after conversation followed with family, friends and staff about what to do next. You had managed to contact the boy from that night only to get ghosted and to find out he had left town the next week with his family.

You support system was made up of the best people in your life, being there with you through everything even when learning that it wasn’t just one baby but two. Nine months later your beautiful twins were born, Theo Luka Y/L/N coming out first followed by his sister Maisie Luna Y/LN. Your heart was full from the moment your babies were placed into your arms and you knew you would give them the world and more.

Nobody expected you to return back to football but just four months later your were back in the academy, juggling school, football and your twins but in the end you made it work. Now fast forward three years with your two bundles of joy now being three years old you were on your way to your first senior call up for the England National team.

You were the last to arrive at St George's Park due to having two bubbly, energy filled toddlers who refused to wear anything beside a Spiderman costume for Theo and a Cinderella dress for Maisie. Arriving just in time for dinner, you left your bags as you were notified someone would take up to your room that only held you and the twins.

There was no time to be nervous when entering the dining hall, having two of the most extroverted toddlers ever they didn’t waste anytime in rushing through the doors and towards the food. Taking no notice of the many eyes that snapped to the two toddlers, like always in their own little worlds.

“Slow down guys, I will get your food. Be patient please.” You ran in after them, smiling apologetically at the chef who didn’t know what to do with two kids babbling at him in a toddler language he couldn’t quite understand.

“You got some energetic kids there.” You turned around to the voice of Sarina, smiling as she pulled you into a hug before bending down to the twins levels. “Hi, my name is Sarina. What are your names?”

Maisie and Theo looked up at you simultaneously, making sure to give them a small nod to tell Sarina their names. “Spiderman” Sarina let out a laugh at Theo’s answer.

“Well nice to meet you Spiderman, and I am guessing you are a princess.” Sarina turned to Maisie after shaking Theo’s hand gently.

“I am Cinderella.” Maisie said poking out her chest in pride, you couldn’t help but smile as your new coach stood a curtsied to Maisie, the toddler letting out her tiny giggles that never failed to melt your heart.

Sarina stood with you as you grabbed plates and filled them with food you knew Theo and Maisie would like, lucky for you they were absolutely angles when it came to eating, when they were younger both of them even ate dog food for you childhood dog that was set out at your parents home.

“Two hands.” Placing the tray carefully into Maisie’s hand. Unbeknownst to you Leah and Lucy had stood from their respective tables and made their way towards the group of you.

“Need a little help there mister?” Leah bent down grabbing the tray from Theo’s hands to her own as he saw the young boy struggling. “You wanna come sit with me, I’m Leah.” Theo once again looked warily at the blonde stranger reaching behind him to tug you shirt, causing you to turn around.

“Hi.” You couldn’t help but be awestruck at the two world class defenders in front of you, managing only a small greeting.

“Hi, I’m Leah I can take this little guy to come sit with me.” The blonde greeted showing off her trademark smile.

“Oh god, you really don’t have to.” You said shaking your head knowing Theo was in his most energetic mood and he was eating his dinner which meant he was very messy.

“Mummy I want to go.” You looked down surprise at Theo.

“Okay then off you go, I want all the veggies gone when I come check.” Not another word was uttered from your three year old as he happily took Leah’s hand as she led him to her table that sat Keira, Georgia, Beth, Jordan and Katie. You didn’t even notice Maisie was already sat at a table with Lucy, Rachel, Millie, Mary and Alex.

“What just happened?” You said to no one in particular, Sarina laughing and patting your back.

“You got free babysitting, just go with it.” Sarina smiled before making her way back to the staff tables.

You didn’t have to worry about where to sit cause as soon as you turned around from grabbing your plate the loud voice of Ella Toone rang out calling you over to sit down at a table that held herself, Alessia, Lotte, Esme, Lauren and Chloe. Your nerves shattered away as you fell into a comfortable conversation with the group of girls, not taking any note to the conversations your twins were having with some of Englands best.

“Is your Mummy good at football?” Rachel asked Maisie who was stuffing her face with food, sat comfortably in her chair that had four cushions stacked to keep her in level with the table.

“My Mummy is the best, she gets all the balls in the net.” Maisie smiled at Rachel who she had now named Ra-Ra, the three year old having a nick for coming up with nicknames for people with names she deemed to hard or long to say.

“She sounds pretty good.” Millie smiled at the little girl across the table.

Back at the table Theo was sitting in he was telling a long story about how he was going to be the best football player ever. “What position?” Keira asked the boy, who thought about his answer for a sec.

“Keeper like Jordan Pickford and Mary Earps.” Theo replied with a big smile on his face.

“Yo, Mary you’ve got a future keeper here, says he wants to be like you and Pickford.” Georgia yelled to the table Mary was sitting at, she caught Theo’s eye giving him a big smile and thumbs up.

“Theo what happened to becoming a striker like your mum.” You said to Theo having caught wind of the conversation that was happening across the room.

“Keepers at the unseen hero’s of the game.” You jaw dropped as the three keepers around the room cheered at your son’s words.

“Who told you that? also your veggies better be done.” Your son’s face dropped from his sly smirk into a annoyed face as he looked down at the broccoli and carrots on his plate that you knew for a fact he did like but just didn’t eat it straight away to annoy you.

Having lost track of the time as everyone sat and talked you looked down at your phone to see it was the just about time to put the twins to bed, knowing they were bound to crash soon you knew it was time to get them to bed.

What you hadn’t expected to see when you stood up to grab the two toddlers were both of them fast asleep Theo in the arms of Beth and Maisie asleep in the lap of Millie, looking tiny in comparison to the brick wall.

“It will never seize to amaze me how they always fall asleep with everyone else but me.” You smiled at Beth who gently passed Theo into your arms.

“You’ll be back down right we are all just hanging out down in the team room.” Leah asked before you could step away from the table.

“As soon as these two are settled I will be back, by the looks of things I will be back very quickly.” You smiled at the table walked over to the other table where Maisie was cured into Millie’s chest.

“I can bring her up.” Millie immediately offered, making your heart melt at the kindness from all these women just on your first night.

Soon enough with Theo in your arms, Maisie in Millies as well as Rachel tagging along for the ride you made it up to your room without any toddlers waking up. “Was it hard to come back from giving birth?” The question came out of no where from Millie as you placed Theo into bed.

“I though about not doing football and just giving up all together, I was sixteen, still in school with twins it was almost impossible to do it. But football is everything to me and I really wanted to come back and I knew if I worked hard enough I could make it my career. It was hard, but even getting this call up makes it feel all worth it.” Millie and Rachel nodded along to your words as you placed both twins on one of the beds, making sure to set up a baby monitor in case they woke up.

“They’ll be fine in there?” Rachel asked.

“They’ve had a long day i’ll be very surprised if they wake up before I come back to the room, they somehow always wake up when they feel my presence come back.”

Coming back to one of the team common room everyone was sitting around in their different groups. You decided to join a group of the younger girls who were playing a game of uno.

“I’ll deal you in.” Alessia said smiling up and giving you seven cards to play the game.

You were able to play about two rounds with Niamh taking the win for one round while you took the win for the other. Most of the girls also had a big travel day so everyone headed to bed early including you, waving goodnight to Esme and Lauren who took the room beside you. You quickly entered the room quickly checking on the twins, getting ready for bed and falling straight asleep.

[moondustpugh]

Yes Forever

Joseph Quinn x Fem!Reader

Summary: Joe has been giving hints and it's making your heart explode every time.

Author's Note: The bridge of TTPD is to blame for this. Enjoy! :)

Wordcount: 1.9K

You knew you should have seen it coming.

It wasn’t like he wasn’t making it obvious these last few weeks. It wasn’t like his little actions were something he has been hiding. You should have seen it coming, but you didn’t want to expect anything. You didn’t want to hope just in case you were wrong, you know? You didn’t want to feel disappointed if it was just your mind making things up. 

It started off at the night of his movie premiere. You were all dressed up, and Joe couldn’t get his eyes off of you. Though, that wasn’t the thing that stuck out the whole night because Joe always looked at you like that no matter what. He was always telling you how stunning you were and that he was so lucky. The movie premiere went smoothly. You joined him at the red carpet and everyone was so proud about the movie and then, the after party came. You didn’t know if it was Joe having way too many drinks, or your mind was just being delusional. 

You sat next to him in the booth. Joe and his co-stars were laughing talking about a memory from the set, and you couldn’t help but let your mind wander somewhere else. It wasn’t like you were bored with their conversations or anything. You were actually enjoying yourself, but it was Joe’s soft touch on your hand under the table that was distracting you so much. 

“You know you should watch out for Joe.” One of his co-stars told you. “I would run off if I still had the chance.” He teased. 

You laughed softly, shaking your head as Joe wrapped an arm around you. His hand softly caressing your arm and his other hand… well… 

It was doing something that was making your heart race. 

Your hand was set on his lap and his index finger was grazing over your bare ring finger. You couldn’t help but purse your lips as you tried to keep your attention on the conversation in front of you. Joe kept that going for the rest of the night, and he didn’t say one word about it when you got home. So, you let the subject go. 

Then, you noticed one night when you were slowly falling asleep on the bed that Joe was just smiling and staring at you. His fingers caressing your soft cheek, while you were fighting hard to keep your eyes open. 

“Hmm…” You smiled, letting out a soft hum. 

“So beautiful.” Joe whispered, kissing your hair. “I love you so much.”

“I love you too, Joe.” You smiled, moving closer to him. 

You rested your head on his chest, your fingers finding his as you played with them. Joe then intertwined his fingers with yours and brought your hand on his lips, pressing a soft kiss on the back of your hand. 

“You have no idea how much you occupy my heart.” Joe said. “It’s all yours, darling. All of it.”

“I love you so much.” You smiled, pressing your face on his neck.

Joe held you tighter in his arms as comfortable silence blanketed the room for a moment. You two never really talked about the subject of it, but you knew there was that mutual understanding between the two of you. You just knew. You both really didn’t have to talk about it because what was there to talk about, right? You both already knew where this was heading. 

“You know, there was no other woman I felt this way about.” Joe murmured. “When I first saw you, I knew in my heart that it was you. You’re the one I want to spend the rest of my life with.”

You hitched a breath as Joe grazed his fingers over your bare ring finger again. You kept your eyes close, face still pressed on his neck. You didn’t know if you could look into his eyes right now. With the words he was speaking, your heart was beating hard out of your chest that you swore he could hear and feel it. 

“Darling?” Joe moved back a little, gazing down at you. 

You kept your eyes shut and stayed still. Joe’s fingers grazed over your cheek again, his lips tugging into a small smile. 

“You’re the love of my life, you know that?” Joe whispered as you fluttered your eyes open. 

You smiled at Joe, glancing up at him and said, “What’s going on, Joe?”

“What do you mean?” 

“I’ve noticed it lately…” You tilted your head at him. 

Joe raised his brow, pretending like he didn’t know what you were talking about. 

“Notice what?”

You chuckled softly, shaking your head. “Nevermind.”

Joe reeled you back in his arms, kissing your hair softly. “I just want you to know how much I love you.”

You nodded your head, smiling softly as you set your head back on his chest. You didn’t want to say it first if he couldn’t admit it because you didn’t want to look stupid. Maybe you really were being delusional in the first place. Maybe Joe really was just being sweet and wanted to reassure you of his love. 

That was all. 

You finally let that subject go for a few weeks. It didn’t appear in your thoughts again until that one night when Joe had taken you out for a date night. He had suggested taking you into a nice restaurant since it had been a while since you both had gone out on a date. So, you agreed. You dressed up in a nice pale blue silky dress, and Joe was in a nice button up and trousers. You couldn’t help but run your fingers through his curls the moment you saw him waiting for you by the front door.

Joe hummed approvingly as he set his hands on your hips, pressing your body against his. 

“God, I can never get over how stunning you are.” Joe whispered, kissing down your neck. 

“And I can never get over how handsome you are.” You smiled, feeling his hands gently run down your sides. 

Joe gazed down at you, his eyes sparkling before leaning down to kiss you passionately. Leading you out the door, Joe had taken you to the restaurant that he chose, and it was nice and cozy. You couldn’t help but enjoy this moment with him. It really had been a while since you two had spent time together, especially with both of your busy schedules. 

“I’ve missed this.” You smiled, taking a sip of your wine.

“Me too.” Joe took your hands in his from across the table. “Sorry if I have been so busy, darling.”

“Joe,” You tilted your head at him. “I understand. You don’t have to apologize.”

“I know, but still…” Joe took a deep breath, playing with your fingers. “I want to apologize and want you to know that I love you.”

Squeezing his hand lightly, you gave Joe a warm reassuring smile. “Joe, I know. I love you too.”

Joe smiled slightly, looking down at your fingers. He played with the ring that you had on your middle finger for a moment before slipping it off. You watched as he slid it over to your ring finger and for a moment, you felt your lungs stopped working. You felt your heart almost exploding as Joe smiled slightly before slipping the ring back on your middle finger again. 

“Joe–” You whispered.

“Good evening, I’m Elle. I’ll be your server this evening.” The server stood by your table, giving both of you a genuine smile.

You pulled your hands away from Joe, your index finger and thumb playing with your ring anxiously under the table. Suddenly, the thoughts that you had pushed away from the last few weeks appeared in your mind again. You bit your lower lip, trying to focus your attention back on Joe and the server. You could feel your heart beat a thousand miles per minute, and you didn’t know how to really react with what just happened.

The rest of the night, you tried to keep your thoughts to yourself. You told your mind to be quiet and just enjoy this dinner date with Joe, especially that it had been so long since you both have done this. Joe never mentioned it once during the whole dinner. He acted like nothing happened and what he did was just a normal thing. However, your heart couldn’t fit in your chest anymore. No matter how much you tried to push the thought away, you kept repeating that little scene he did before dinner. 

“Hold on a second, darling.” Joe held your hand before you could open your front door later that evening. 

“What is it?” You turned to face him as he cupped both of your cheeks between his hands.

“I just want to do this.” Joe leaned down to kiss you softly on the lips. 

You chuckled softly, kissing him deeper and pulling him close to you. You wrapped your arms around his neck as Joe continued to kiss you, this time so lovingly and gentle. 

“I love you.” He murmured through the kiss.

You let out a soft hum as you ran your fingers through his hair. 

“Marry me.” Joe murmured through the kiss. 

You froze for a moment, parting from the kiss as you stared at him with wide eyes. Joe, however, gave you a look that was all so loving. His chocolate button eyes twinkled as he caressed your cheek with his thumb. 

“W…What?” Your words stuttered as you processed what you just heard. 

Joe didn’t say anything as he walked around you and unlocked the front door. He turned to face you again, held out his hand and opened the front door of your flat. You gasped softly as soon as you saw what was behind him. The place was lit by candles and rose petals were laid out all over the floor. 

It was like what you saw in the movies. 

“My love.” Joe took your hand in his as you both entered the flat. 

You swallowed every emotion that was coming up in your throat as you watched Joe’s hand reach for his pocket. Then, he gazed up at you, holding a small red box in his hand, and a smile tugging on his lips as he got down on one knee in front of you.

“Joe, I–” 

“Darling, you knew that the first time I saw you, I knew that you were the one. You make me a better person everyday, and I love you so much. My heart is yours forever. Would you do me the honor to spend the rest of your life with me?”

You gasped softly, both your hands covering your mouth as tears welled up in your eyes. Your heart was racing, and you could barely find words in your mind. 

“Will you marry me?” 

“Yes.” You smiled as you helped Joe get up from the floor. “A thousand times yes. Yes to forever with you. Yes to everything with you.”

Joe grinned happily as he took the ring from the box and slid it on your ring finger before reeling you into his arms and kissed you passionately. Everything almost felt unreal as you kissed him back. 

“I love you.” You murmured, smiling happily.

You have never felt this happy before. Your heart was exploding in happiness as Joe kissed you again and held you in his arms. A big wide grin on his face, tears welling up in his eyes the moment he parted from the kiss.  

“I love you.” Joe whispered, embracing you. 

Wrapping your arms around his neck, you stared into his eyes, happiness radiating from the both of you. 

With Joe, it was always going to be yes. 

Forever.

The End.

**********

Taglist:

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[mismatched-sockss]

Where I never dared to stand

» Pairing: purely Spencer Reid x fem!Reader [NO JEID whatsoever] » Wordcount: 4k » Warnings: JJ's POV (3rd person), based on Where I Stood by Missy Higgins, we're staying within the realms of canon with this one - this focuses on JJ's feelings and my own interpretations regarding those, spoilers mentioned for s12!Spencer and 13×01 300, heavy spoilers for 14×15 Truth or Dare, kind of for 15×02 Awakenings too (i used a part of the conversation between JJ and Reid about what happend in 14×15), reader is Garcia's college roommate & friend, no time line mentioned but first meeting of Spencer and Reader is said to happen somewhere after JJ married Will to mid s10 (so somewhere from s8×01 to about s10×12, reader and Spencer are together when s10×13 happens), no mentions of Maeve only a vague mention that the last years have been rough for Spencer), » A/N: multiple mentions about reader being a woman / female, use of she/her pronouns, no body description, no mentions of readers clothes --- pls take a look here for more info about my reader descriptions in general » IMPORTANT!!!: i just want to say that i hated the way the writers where forcing the climax of 14×15 through out the whole s14 both on the characters and us, and i hated just about everything about the whole thing in general tbh, (after making Will such a big part of JJ's life JEID was over and done with, i never liked them as a ship in general; just wait until i'll unleash my hate for JJ in the future (hate only regarding the way she is treating Spencer, otherwise i like her for the most part)).... the only reason this fic happened in the way it is, is because i lost track of my initial plan when i got inspiration from the song, but then i kind of got carried away while writing; i tried to capture and bring out JJ's inner conflicts, the guilt she feels about all of it etc

Jennifer Jareau liked you from the moment she saw you, no doubt about it. There was something about you, that uplifted the whole room you were in; it was hard to not be in a good mood when you were around.

Penelope had brought you along for a girl's night one evening. You had been her dorm room-mate in college and fate brought you back into each other's lives, when it just so happened that you moved into the same building she was living in. From then on, you joined them for girl's night on most occasions and it was just a matter of time until Penelope invited you to a party where not only the girls would be attending, but also the rest of the BAU team. It so happened to be Penelope's birthday party.

Everyone could see the sparks fly when Spencer and you met each other then. One look at the both of you was enough to see it; that this was a once in a life time, soulmate kind of thing. The kind of love you could only find in movies or books, the stuff all the cheesy romance movies JJ liked to watch were made of.

Something had stirred in her heart when she saw the two of you interact at Penelope's birthday party; a small ache, something she couldn't quite place at the time. So without further thinking about it, she brushed it away, forgetting all about it in the following days. That is, until the next time she saw the two of you. Together.

It was at one of Rossi's dinner parties not too long after Spencer and you met. Everyone was already accounted for in Rossi's backyard, except for Spencer. The doorbell rang and Rossi went to open the door; when he got back a big smile was plastered on his face and he was wiggling his brows suggestively. After him, Spencer walked in. With you. Holding hands.

Then and there the ache found it's way back into her heart, a little more persistent then the last time. This time she knew in an instant what it had been.

Jealousy. She couldn't stand your hands on him.

At the realization she had felt dizzy. Had it been any later in the evening she probably could have blamed the dizziness on the wine. But the glass she held in her hand was her first and she had barely nipped on it. No, it was because she was jealous, and the guilt she felt at the same time collided with it and mixed into an even bigger ugly thing that almost swept her off her feet.

Here she was, standing next to her husband and the father of her child, feeling jealous over another woman holding hands with her friend; a friend who she knew once had a thing for her, a friend who she may have had a thing for herself at one point but never even had went on a date with - actively avoided it even, if you thought about it. A friend, who she shouldn't have any feelings for that would call for her to be jealous when he got romantically involved with someone else.

A friend, she instead should be nothing less than happy for, after all the shit he had to go through in his life. She should be happy, that he finally had something good in his life, something that made him smile, something that made him happy. All she wanted was for him to be happy.

Will had commented that Spencer and you looked good together, that you made a cute couple. No matter who much that jealous part of her hated it, she had to agree.

That night at Rossi's she drank a couple more glasses of wine to flush out her confusing emotions than she maybe should have. When someone said something, she successfully played it off as being able to let go for an evening since her mother was watching Henry for the whole weekend. Luckily Will was okay with it, and even was pampering her the next day when she had a bad case of hangover.

After a short time, when JJ had sorted out her feelings, she really was happy for Spencer. So incredibly happy for him; that he had found his person. His safe haven. His forever.

And everyone could see it. That the two of you were perfect for each other.

She didn't think she had seen him this happy since... Ever, actually. Life had never been exactly easy on Spencer, but the last years had been especially rough for him. You were his rock when Gideon died, were there for him when his mom got worse and additionally stayed with her when he had to leave for a case after he took her in – oh, how much Diana loved you. You were the only person except for Spencer who she would let come close when she had an episode and was chasing the nurses away he hired. After he had been arrested in Mexico you as good as moved into his place to help (the nurse with) Diana. Whenever JJ came to visit her with the boys, she was amazed by the way you cared for Diana, so patient and understanding and affectionate, and how she would let you take care of her.

When Spencer had to go on mandatory leave after prison and the whole shit-show with Cat, JJ watched as you broke down the walls he had build around his heart in those three months he was locked away. She watched as you crumbled them down until you reached him again and then you gave him a new ground to build on, a ground back in safety and trust and love.

You broke his walls down, like JJ would never have been able to. Sometimes she wasn't sure if she could stand the fact, she just knew she should.

Back then, all those years ago when Spencer had sat down next to her on the jet with the Red Skin's tickets in his hand and asked her to go, she was scared. She knew that now, had realized it when Spencer and Penelope had been abducted by Meadows and the Messiah, when Emily spoke with her in the restroom and JJ was going crazy with worry about her best friends. Before, it had never really clicked for her, that maybe that was why she had invited Penelope to come with them to the game. Because a little voice in the back of her head had been whispering to her telling her to run, to turn away from him. She was scared of what could be, of what others might say and think.

Scared of hurting Spencer.

Deep down, she knew even back then, that she wasn't right for him.

And then, a year later, she met Will and the more serious their relationship got, the more any feelings for Spencer became platonic in nature. And it was good the way it was: working with each other, being friends. Maybe even something like best friends. It was enough.

She was happy with Will. She loved Will. She couldn't imagine life without him. The what if's and could have been's about Spencer hadn't been on JJ's mind in a very, very long time. Never really gone if she had to be honest, but not at the forefront of her thoughts all the same.

And since being honest was the keyword for today, here in this jewellery store forced with a gun pointing at her and Spencer and the other hostage, a rapid back and forth that could spiral more out of control with every passing second, the Truth she had to admit today, could change everything she had in her life.

"Truth." JJ swallowed after she said it and bit on the insides of her cheeks. Stand strong, show no fear; that was what she repeated in her head again and again, trying to fight of the raging panic that kept rising up in her chest ever since the guy had fired a warning shot in Spencer's direction just a moment ago.

"I want you to say something, you're afraid to say", the Unsub spat through gritted teeth. Saliva was pooling at the corners of his lips and the hand he was holding the gun in was shaking uncontrollably, “That you'd never tell anybody. And you better make it good!” He didn't take a step closer, he only shifted his weight from one foot to the other, but with the way he accentuated every word he was screaming with a movement of his hand, she felt like he was coming closer. Like he was placing the barrel of the gun closer to her body with every twitch, until he'd be able to press it right onto her sternum. “'Cause if it's not, it's gonna be the last thing you ever say!”

Her nostrils flared as she took a slow breath in, trying to calm her nerves enough to find an answer and to give him the answer without a waver in her voice.

“What's it gonna be?” This time when he shifted his weight, he did take a small step closer to her.

By the way her nose was aching and her eyes were burning she knew it would only be a matter of moments until the tears would fall. She blinked to keep the tears away a bit longer and avoiding eye contact with the Unsub, only looking at him for a second. When she answered, she cursed herself for how shaky her voice was. “There are only four people it trust in this world.”

“Boring”, he commented in a weird sing-sang before he pointed the weapon down and shot the Judge in the leg. The gun was immediately pointed back at JJ. “Next!”

The gunshot had drowned out the whimper she hadn't been able to hold back. And when the deadly attention was back on her, she immediately went back in to position - stand strong, show no fear. The second part almost wasn't manageable any more for her. “Uhm”, she let out, again racking her brain for an answer, something the would finally accept. What could she say? What was she willing to say?

“My, uhm.” The pained whimpers of the woman in front of her as she slowly slid down the cabinet distracted her, she wasn't sure if she was welcoming the distraction or not. JJ felt bad for even remotely feeling thankful that the woman was in pain. “My baby, I lost, I um-”, she looked around, first meeting the Unsubs gaze, then at a random point at the wall and back to him. The emotions bubbling up in her almost choked her and she had to clear her throat. She didn't want to tell him this, but she had to. “- wanted to name her Maggie.”

“BULL!”, he screamed and JJ jumped. “Come on, you can do better than that!” Again, waving the gun, closer and closer.

Spencer tried to get his attention and pull it away from her, calling out the Unsub's name. “Casey...!”

Now the gun was pointed at Spencers head. “SHUT UP!” And again with the uncontrolled waving and twitching. JJ felt like she couldn't breathe.

She jumped again when Casey suddenly was right in front of her, forcefully grabbing into the hair at the back of her head, pushing her down to her knees with the tight grip and possibly even pulling some strands out. “Okay, okay..”, she mumbled, whimpered. What could she say?

“Last chance! Something you'd never say aloud. Not even to your partner here.” For a moment he waved his gun at Spencer again. “Your deepest, darkest secret. Impress me, or I'll kill him.”

It was the first thing that came to her mind when the Unsub demanded this, and threatened Spencer's life. It was the only thing that fought its way through the panic. The panic that had clouded her mind for anything else but the need for survival. Hers. Spencers.

She couldn't hold back her tears any more. In a desperate attempt to catch Spencer's gaze, she darted her eyes to his direction. At the same time the guilt that was already coming over her and trying to pull her down, before she even said one word and it made her look away from him.

“COME ON!”

So she said it. Hoping, it would be enough to save their lives. Hoping, her fear of losing her best friend would stay just that. A fear. Hoping, that they would walk out of here alive and that nothing would change between them. That even after saying what she was about to say, they could go on like before, that they would be okay. Selfish as it was, JJ couldn't lose him. She just didn't know who she was without Spencer in her life. Her best friend, her confidant. Her fi-... She knew she should know it, that it made no sense to feel like this. But she couldn't help needing him.

With a shy look on her face, she turned to her friend, took a deep breath.

"Spence, uhm,” she started, shooting him a pained smile to ease his nerves and her own. And he looked at her, waiting for her to continue, with a sad but still vary and concentrated shimmer in his eyes. He was sitting weidly stiff and there was ovment in his shoulders but she wasn't able to focus on anything else than his face.

Or not, because JJ had to look away. She didn't think she could say this while directly looking at him. This was just too...

“I've always loved you", she admits, helplessly shrugging her shoulder as she said it. You meant more to me than anyone I loved before you, before Will.

It took Spencer a moment to understand, what she is saying. How she meant those three words, that they had said a lot of times to each other over the years, in a platonic way.

His eyes slightly widened when the words sink in. The true meaning behind them.

“And I wasjusttooscaredtosay it before.” Her words came out in a blur, almost undistinguishable. She exhaled and looked away, shook the hair out of her face with a quick motion of her head. And as she tried to bite back her tears,she scoffed. “And now, things are just”, the sob leaving her throat almost sounded like a laugh, “far too complicated to say it now.” I am married and have kids, my kids are your godsons. You have a girlfriend, the love of your life waiting for you at home. These are the things she didn't say, didn't need to say. Didn't want to say in front of everyone else in the room.

Maybe she did laugh. The situation was so absurd, so surreal. It almost didn't feel real if there wouldn't be this gun pointed at her.

With tears running down her face she forced herself to look at Spencer. “I'm sorry”, she breathed out. “But you should know.” In case I die here. In case you die here. I had to let you know.

He didn't give away what he was thinking or feeling, had closed off the expressions on his face after the initial shock. The whisper of a sad smile stretched his lips as an acknowledgement when she stopped talking.

The giggle the Unsub let out, made the bile rise into JJ's throat.

“Hot damn”, he laughed, switching between looking at her and Spencer. “That's what I'm talking about.”

Neither of them looked up at the man standing over them, caught in a silent conversation. Did I just destroy everything? - Don't worry. At least that was what she hoped he was saying with his eyes.

“Now those are some last words right there.” Could this guy please, please, please just stop waving the god damn gun around!?

For the fracture of a second, everything fell from JJ's shoulders. The guilt, the sorrow, the fear. She did it, her confessions had been enough. Worthy of saving them. Just when the muscles in her body relaxed, the gun was pointed back right in to her face, mere inches away. “But not good enough to safe your life!” Spit landed on her face.

JJ readied herself, even with the immense fear shooting through her whole body so harsh her body felt numb. The hole of the barrel drew her eyes to it, hypnotized her. For some reason, she started a countdown in her head.

Three, two – BANG!

Casey's legs gave out and he grunted as his weapon fell out of his hand and he helds his stomach. Then, he collapsed, his dead-weight body falling into the space between her and Spencer. Her brain had problems catching up after already checking out, after making some kind of peace with her immediate death.

She looked from the dead body, to Spencer and the gun in his hand, too stunned to ask or think about how he had managed to free his hands and where the gun came from.

They didn't speak a word to each other after their team burst in, there neither had been the time nor a fitting occasion to talk. They didn't speak until some time later in the evening, after the team made it back, just in time to get cleaned up and celebrate David's & Krystall's marriage.

When they finally shared some words when they both headed to the bar to get something to drink, they didn't talk long.

JJ was nervous. A whole lot of new what if's regarding Spencer were now on her mind. What if he hates me now? What if he wants nothing to do with me any more? What if he leaves me? She hated herself for being so selfish when the last one crossed her mind. She had been prepared to take this secret with her to her grave. But she had needed to say some thing real, something that would not only get the Unsubs attention, but also Spencers. Only then could she have made sure to get a chance at getting them out of there. She was sorry for spilling her secret, for doing this to him and burdening him with it. But now it was out an she couldn't take it back.

“So I, uh, I didn't get a chance to... say it back there, but...”, she started before saying anything else about her confession, having to start the conversation at least somewhere. “Thank you... for saving my life.” She smiled at him.

“You're welcome.” He nodded his head, a small smile stretching in his lips as well. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah.” She laughed nervously. “So uh, Luke was right, two guns, huh? Since when have you been wearing an ankle holster?”

“Around the time I got out of prison”, Spencer smirked.

“Right.” JJ nodded, then quickly looked away, internally working herself up to get the next words out, the ones she so desperately wanted to ask him. “Look, uh, I... Are- are we, okay?” That was all she could hope for at this point. It was all she wanted. That they were okay.

He smiled at her reassuringly and nodded. “Of course.” His smile and the soft tone his voice held eased her nerves instantly.

She held back a sigh of relief and smiled. “Good.”

They fell silent as they wait, Spencer for his water and JJ for a glass of wine. She softly drummed the tips of her finger on the wood, before she turned around to find where you were standing. When your name fell from her lips Spencers eyes darted to you, not even having to search the room. Like a magnetic pull, something that just came natural to him, knowing where to find you. “She looks beautiful tonight.”

Spencer silently nods as his eyes roam your body, how the fabric of your outfit hugged itself around you. “Yeah”, he breathes out, almost inaudibly. “She is.”

The glass clinking as the drinks were served caught her attention and she turned to take hers into her hand. With her free hand she touched Spencers arm and squeezed lightly. Their gazes met and they shared a smile before she walked away.

Just when JJ got back to the table the music changed into a soft and slow tune. Will took the glass form her hand and pulled her away to dance with her. Happy, she leaned into him, and enjoyed the moment. Enjoyed being in his arms.

She couldn't help but look as Spencer and you found your way to other side of the dance floor. He pulled you so close to him, not even a sheet of paper would have had space between the both of you. He was smiling down at you as you were slowly swaying to the rhythm of the music together and you were smiling up at him just as bright. Lost in each others eyes. Every so often he would lift your intertwined hands from his chest up to plant a kiss to your knuckles, or he would brush the tip of his nose against yours before he stole a quick kiss from your lips. Not for one second losing the bright smile, that all but screamed that he was drunk on love.

Spencer was JJ's first love, and the first love is something special, something you can't just erase out of your heart as if it never had made it's home in there in the first place. He was a big piece of her heart and would always be. But she had never even dared to try and stand where you were standing now. By his side; as his partner, his equal. His other half. His forever.

Even if she wouldn't have Will and her two beautiful boys - and don't get me wrong, she wouldn't trade her life with her family for the world-, the way the two of you were clinging to each other right now, looking like you were deeply sunken into your own little universe where no one else existed; and so full of bliss and love for each other... There was no way she would destroy this, no way she would break you two apart.

There was nothing in the world that could break Spencer and you apart.

JJ couldn't hear what you were whispering about, she could only guess by the way you looked at each other and giggled occasionally. The longer you danced it seemed like you were melting into each other, merging your bodies and souls together to form one.

Emily's speech from earlier ringed in her ears then. Penelope says, that this was fate. That [their marriage] was in the stars. [They] are twin flames. Two souls, that are always meant to be together. […] The thing about twin flames is, that nothing can keep them apart.

It was similar to something she had heard Spencer himself say once: "There's an old Buddhist saying, that, when you meet your soulmate, […] the act to bring you together was 500 years in the making." She thought both descriptions were fitting for what you and Spencer had.

As she let her eyes linger on your swaying forms, she suddenly felt like she was intruding something personal and intimate, so she averted her gaze and turned her head away. She rested her cheek against her husbands chest as she faced the other way and closed her eyes. JJ hugged Will closer and as his own hold on her tightened he rested his chin on the crown of her head.

It wasn't fair that she loved Spencer. Because she loved Will and her two boys too. Her family had made her who she was. But so had Spencer.

It wasn't fair to anyone involved.

She had never meant to hurt him, never. She just wanted him to be happy. And you made him happy.

No matter who much she loves Spencer now, had loved him before and would continue to love him, she could never love him as much as you did; the woman who stood where JJ never even had dared to stand.,

[lordprettyflackotara]

affection || Sam Golbach || part two

smut, 18+, minors dni (this is for the sam girls and the sam girls ONLY. i promise ily colby)

part one is here

the finale is here

One last time.

This had to be the last time he saw you.

Sam stood outside of your apartment door, staring blankly at the hideous brown paint.

How could he have never noticed how unappealing this color was before? He shook his head, forcing himself to stay on topic.

Sam could ignore the downgrade of quality of his content. He also could blissfully ignore your steady decline in your studies, even though he knew you had big dreams of running a business one day.

What Sam couldn’t ignore, nor forget, was when he came home at dawn after a long night with you.

Sam never felt the need to hide when he came home around sunrise. Colby was never awake. Typically he was either in a deep slumber, or quietly editing in his room. The brunette usually never emerged from his bedroom during these hours, allowing Sam to slip in and out as he pleased.

The color from Sam’s face drained as he entered their house, Colby watching TV in their living room. It wasn’t the fact that Sam looked like shit that alarmed him. His blonde hair was fluffed up, courtesy of you pushing him deeper into your drenched folds. The scratches on his back were hidden by his hoodie, even though he could still feel the ghost of your nails as he rammed into you.

He awkwardly held his high top vans in his left hand, too exhausted to try to put them back on after he left your place. All of those factors were visible, sure. But what he knew would raise questions were the purple and brown marks littering his neck. Colby turned to him nonchalantly, bags hanging under his eyes. Sam calmly locked the door, trying to steer the conversation away from the obvious direction it was going.

“You good man? I never see you up this late,” Sam asked, expressing genuine concern. Colby shrugged, turning down Shameless as it played on their flat screen TV. “I’m having trouble editing our new video dude. It just doesn’t have your flare to it and it feels wrong. Y’know?” Colby said. Sam felt the guilt he obtained crawl into the front seat of his mind, waving at him mockingly. “I’ll help you after I sleep. I’m about to crash,” Sam replied. He turned towards their staircase, avoiding Colby’s gaze.

The blonde thought maybe he was in the clear, before Colby’s excited voice rang out. “Holy shit dude! I thought you were always coming in and out from late night runs,” Colby exclaimed. Sam turned hesitantly, Colby excitedly hopping over the back of their couch. Sam watched as his best friends eyes scanned over his fresh layer of hickies. “Dude I was so worried you’d never allow yourself to get laid again. But look at you! You look like a wounded deer,” Colby teased.

Sam allowed himself to stifle a laugh. “A wounded deer? What a comparison,” Sam chuckled. It was almost as if the tension had diffused, Sam beginning to shove his guilt back into the backseat of his mind where it belonged. “Who’s the lucky girl? I’m glad you’re moving on,” Colby said, playfully patting Sam’s shoulder. Sam had a hard time maintaining eye contact with Colby, his mouth running dry. A lie escaped his lips before he could stop it.

“One of the girls we met at Tara’s party a few weeks ago. Dont tell Tara though, I think she might freak if she found out.”

Sam went to raise his closed hand, wanting to knock on your door. It was one in the afternoon on a Wednesday. He was almost sure you had class, but he needed to talk to you. He needed to call this whole thing off.

He almost got caught.

His career and life long friendship with Colby was nearly shattered over some fucking hickies.

Sam could feel his heart racing, the pounding sounding like it was going to explode out of his chest.

He could feel himself beginning to panic.

The idea of telling you that it was over engulfing him.

“Sam?”

Oh your sweet voice.

All of the anxiety he had was nearly swept away by the sound of you calling his name.

Sam looked over in your direction, brown paper bags full of groceries in your hands. “Here let me help with that,” Sam said quickly, practically running over to you. He took the heavy bags from your arms, your curious eyes meeting his. “No disguise at one in the afternoon and you’re in front of my apartment when you know I have class on campus today,” You mused. You awkwardly shuffled and dug your keys out of your purse, unlocking your apartment door.

“Is something wrong?”

Sam drug his feet over to your kitchen, setting your groceries down on your marble counter. He could hear the click of the door locking behind him, his heart beginning to race again.

You both sat awkwardly on opposite ends of your gray couch, your arms crossed.

Sam couldn’t bring himself to look at you, your facial expression sure to make him crumble and change his mind.

“We can’t do this anymore.”

His words stung like a million bee stings, your heart sinking in your chest.

“Well, I was guessing you were going to tell me you gave me an STD, so this seems slightly better,” You joked dryly. Sam snorted, feeling himself get emotional even through the laughter.

You tried to ignore the tears that threatened to welt up in your waterline, a weak smile spreading across your lips.

“Can I ask why?”

“It’s probably better if you don’t,”

You nodded, understanding. After all, how long could you expect this to continue?

You rose to your feet, swallowing hard.

“I’ll show you out then,” You offered. Your apartments front door was a grand total of ten feet away from the both of you, but that didn’t matter. Sam nodded, feeling his face flush red at the sight of you.

He followed behind you slowly like a wounded puppy, even though he was the one who made this decision. The two of you reached your front door, Sam towering over you as he stared down at you. “I guess this is goodbye then,” Sam mumbled. You looked up at your blonde lover, the one who had kept your bed warm all this time.

Unsurely you raised your left hand, cupping his pink cheek. His skin was warmer to the touch than usual, and you weakly smiled again. “Dont cry Sammy, you know when you cry I cry,” You say lightly. Sam swallowed hard, nodding.

You were so close, your lips so plush and pink. Sam could smell you too, the sweet vanilla scent flooding his nostrils. “You smell good,” Sam murmured, He knew he sounded like a total nerd, but he just couldn’t help himself. He brought himself closer to you, cupping your soft face in his hands. You softly gasped as he brought his lips to yours, unable to get enough of you.

His touch was soft and sweet, the faint taste of mint flooding your tongue. You pulled away slightly, Sam’s hands refusing to leave your face.

“B-but I thought we were done,” You whispered. You could feel your core throb at the feeling of his desperation, your body craving his the same way his did yours. “One last time. I promise i’ll leave you alone forever if you let me fuck you one last time,” Sam pleaded. He was practically begging you. He would sink to his knees and plead if he needed to.

Sam wanted this ingrained in his mind forever. The sound of your moans, the feeling of your soft skin. The taste of your sweet juices coating his tongue and soaking his chin. “Please,” You whispered, your own desperation overriding the feeling of grief. Your agreement was all Sam needed, instantly dropping to his knees. He pressed you against your front door, quick to make work at your skinny jeans.

You kicked off your shoes, Sam’s eagerness overriding his urge to tease you. He looked up at you, his blue eyes soaking in your face. You bit your lip, feeling his hot breath fan over your folds. “You’re so fucking hot,” Sam muttered. He spread open your folds with his index and middle finger, admiring your cunt. “And you have the prettiest pussy,” He praised. Sam licked a stripe up your cunt, relishing in hearing you groan for him.

You spread your legs a bit more, giving him complete access to your cunt. Sam snaked his hands around to your ass, gripping the flesh harshly. You raked your fingers through his hair, bucking your hips closer to his mouth. “Eager for me, huh?” Sam smirked. You sighed in frustration, attempting to push his head into your folds. “Shut up before I change my mind about this. You’re always so cocky-” You began complaining, a moan escaping your lips mind sentence as Sam began lapping at your folds.

His tongue swirled and he sucked at your clit, as if he was trying to suck your soul out through your cunt. “Sammy please,” You whined. Sam brought two fingers to your cunt, your slick coating his chin. “You’re practically dripping for me. Such a dirty slut,” Sam commented. He slowly pushed his fingers inside of you, causing you to squirm under his touch. Sam watched your mouth drop into the shape of an O as he curled his digits, knowing where your g spot was like the back of his hand.

It was then the sound of loud knocking caused you to freeze.

Sam hesitated as well, looking at you for guidance.

He couldn’t answer for you, this was your apartment.

“Who is it?” You called out. Sam didn’t remove his fingers from your aching cunt, the voice on the other side of the door one you both knew all too well.

“It’s Colby,”

Shit.

You went to squirm away from Sam’s fingers, his breath fanning over your folds as he watched your reaction carefully. “Answer him, don’t be rude,” Sam whispered. His voice was barely audible, and you were sure Colby didn’t hear him.

“Now’s not a good time Colby,” You said, your voice cracking. Sam felt your walls clench around his fingers as you said his best friends name, causing him to smirk. He nuzzled his way back into your cunt, sucking harshly on your clit as if your life depended on it.

“Look im sorry about before. I think Sam is fooling around with Kat and doesn’t want to tell me. It just makes me think that I took you for granted and that maybe we should try again,” Colby admitted. The brunette stood anxiously in front of your apartment door, wishing that he had a key so he could open it and see you.

You tugged at Sam’s roots, slightly afraid you’d accidentally yank out his hair. You bit the inside of your cheek, trying to conceal the unholy noises that threatened to escape your lips.

“I-i’m not sure Colby,” You stuttered. Sam began to finger fuck you faster, as if he wanted Colby to hear you getting ruined. Sam could feel his bulge growing in his pants, the situation too lewd for him to not take advantage of.

“Look if you give me a second chance i’ll give you the world. I miss you,” Colby sighed. Sam’s teeth grazed your clit, causing you to audibly whine. You covered it up with a fake cough, your eyes widening. Colby stood on the other side of the door, dumbfounded as to why you were standing so close to your front door.

“I’m not feeling too well, give me some time to think about it. Okay?” You asked, adding an extra cough at the end of your sentence. You could feel the knot in your stomach forming, your orgasm getting closer and closer. Sam sensed it too, quickly rising to his feet. His chin and mouth were covered in your juices, his large hand flying over your lips to conceal your noises.

“Okay. You can call me anytime. Let me know if you want me to come over and make you feel better,” Colby offered.

Sam listened carefully, listening to Colby slowly walk away.

“Go on baby, cum for me. Cum all over my fingers like the dirty little whore you are for me,” Sam purred. His breath was hot against your ear, his fingers non stop fucking you. You grabbed onto his arm, your eyes fluttering shut in pleasure. You moaned loudly into his hand, his name coming off of your lips like a mantra. “There we go. That’s a good girl,” Sam praised. He left soft kisses on your ear, moving his hand away.

“T-that was so dangerous. But so hot,” You admitted, blushing madly. It was one thing to have a fantasy, it was another one to play it out in real life. Sam smirked down at you, bringing his lips to yours. He kissed you roughly, as if he was trying to absorb you.

Your hands rushed down to his belt, shakily unbuckling it. “Relax, I got it,” Sam murmured. He shoved his jeans down to his ankles, his boxers right along with them. “As much as i’d love to use your pretty mouth, I just wanna feel you one last time,” Sam admitted. He guided his cock, his tip rubbing up and down your slick folds. “Do you wanna move to the couch?” You whispered, Sam’s face an inch away from yours.

“Jump,” Sam ordered. You did as instructed, your legs wrapping around Sam’s waist. He pushed your back fully against your front door, your arms wrapping around him for support. A devilish smirk crossed his lips as he slowly pushed himself inside of you. You gasped as your body adjusted to him, his girth always stretching you out. “Nah. I wanna give your neighbors one last show,” Sam said. He pushed himself in further, quietly groaning as he nuzzled his face into your shoulder.

“I want anyone walking by to know that i’m the only one who can make you feel this good,” Sam explained, nibbling at your ear.

You felt him bottom out, your walls adjusting to his size. Sam’s hand slithered up to your neck, pressing down on your sensitive pressure points.

“I want everyone to know that nobody else is ever going to make you feel this good again,” Sam told you sternly. His blue eyes watched yours intently, your walls involuntarily squeezing him. Sam slowly bucked his hips, causing an unholy moan to escape your lips.

His grip on your throat tightened, causing you to gasp.

“You’re a filthy whore. You know that? You don’t think I can feel you squeezing me? All because I ruined you?” Sam mocked. He began to pick up the pace, snapping his hips into yours. He loosened his grip on your throat, your lungs gasping for air. Assertively he pressed your neck against the door, slamming into you. His cock was abusive and rough, his thrust no where near loving or caring.

Sam Golbach fucked you like a slut, and you loved every second of it.

“I can’t believe I ruined you. I ruined you for everyone else. Even yourself. You understand? No one will ever be able to make you feel as good as I do,” Sam grunted. Your moans were incoherent babbles of his name and curses, the words repeating themselves like mantras.

You were like Sam’s personal brand of ecstasy, his body addicting yours. All of the guilt and withdrawals went away, his body now focused on chasing his high. Your breast bounced as Sam fucked you against your front door, the knot in your stomach tightening before you could even process it.

You were lost in the pleasure, Sam quickly bringing you back to reality. He grabbed your face harshly, causing your lips to pucker out like a fish.

“Do you understand? I own this cunt, no matter what happens,” Sam barked. You began slurring a response, gripping onto his shoulders for support.

“I understand,” You managed to say, barely hanging on. Through out Sam’s degrading, his hips never faltered or stuttered. “Who owns you? Say my name,” Sam growled. He was going feral, getting off on the fact that even though this was the last time, he would own you.

Even if he never got the pleasure of touching you again, you would always think of him in the dead of night. When your cunt was aching of desire, you would think of him. Only him.

“You do Sam. You own me. I’m yours,” You panted. Sam released your face, gripping your waist with both hands now. His fingers always grabbed you the exact same way, the bruises he left on you never fully fading as he replaced them with new ones. “Fuck. I’m gonna miss this sweet cunt. I can feel you getting close for me. You gonna cum on my cock one last time?” Sam asked. He was barely holding on himself, his lips beginning to prod and suck at your neck.

You whined as he sucked on your sweet spot, your body shaking. You felt like you were on fire, euphoria clouding over you. “Fuck i’m cumming, fuck Sam,” You cried. Your walls tightened around Sam, causing him to throw his head back. Light hickies covered your neck, one last piece of evidence that you were his. “Such a tight cunt. Fuck i’m going to breed you,” Sam grunted. You clung onto Sam for dear life as his thrust continued.

“Hold on for me baby, I’m almost there. You’re such a good girl for me,” Sam praised. The words fell off of his lips effortlessly, like this wasn’t the last time he planned on seeing you. You pulled him in for a rough kiss, the two of your guys teeth almost clashing together. Your soft lips and the faint taste of the bubblegum flavored gum you always chewed sent him over the edge.

He moaned into your mouth, his warm cum painting your inner walls. He rested his head on your shoulder, trying to return back to planet Earth as he came down from his high.

Sam was never one to neglect after care, even at the expense of getting caught. But this time, it just didn’t seem right. Sam slowly slipped out of you, setting your shaking body down on the floor. He reached down and pulled up his jeans and boxers, before quickly working at fixing his belt. “No aftercare?” You questioned. Your eyebrows were furrowed as the blonde avoided your gaze.

“It doesn’t feel right. I’m sorry. This is for the best,” Sam said quickly. He ensured he had all of his belongings before going to unlock the door. You stepped out of his way, concealing your exposed lower half behind the door. Sam walked out of the open door, unsure of what to say. You could feel his cum drip down your upper thigh, your face flushing with embarrassment. This wasn’t right. Not having Sam wasn’t right.

“Sam? Sam! Don’t do this. I love you,” You confessed. Sam froze for a moment, the sun hitting his face. He considered turning around, his back turned to you. He knew he couldn’t face you on fully, causing him to glance over his shoulder.

“I’m sorry,” Was all he uttered before walking away.

The pain in his chest was demanding for him to turn around. To acknowledge the pain written across your face or the sound of your front door slowly shutting.

But if he wanted things to go back to the way they were, before he had met you, he could never tell you the truth.

Not now.

Not ever.

(I promise there will be a part three with a happy ending i’m locked in. love, tara)

[luvrhischier]

never let go // trevor zegras

part 1 pairing: trevor zegras x reader

word count: 3.9k (i’m sorry i went overboard again)

a/n: jumps between povs, each part is labeled and split by long black divider though (if you don’t like this sort of thing, sorry <3), no use of ‘y/n’ again.

warnings: none (i think)

(him)

Trevor just stood there, his legs wouldn't move, no matter how badly he wanted them to. He wanted to run after you but he couldn't. From his frozen haze he saw Luke run out the door. That should be him running to you and he knew that.

"Everybody out! Party's over!" Jamie yelled. Everyone quickly walked out. Jamie looked over to Nico. “Can you make sure everyone who shouldn't be driving gets an Uber, I'll pay, I don’t even care anymore just please make sure everyone is safe and out of here." Nico nodded and left, dragging a still slightly drunk Jack with him. He would be no help to the conversation about to happen in the state he was in.  Now it was just Jamie, Quinn, and Trevor. Once the front door was shut Quinn forcefully turned Trevor around. He still looked shocked and a few tears had begun to run down his face.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?!" Quinn finally spoke up. Trevor opened his mouth to say something but no words came out.

"If you weren't my best friend I would beat the shit out of you," Jamie said through gritted teeth. "Do you have any idea what you’ve done?"

"She," Quinn pointed towards the door you had just walked out of, "is like a little sister to me and you just broke her heart in front of an entire party of random strangers." Quinn's voice was calm, too calm, it was frightening. "And you're not my best friend so I will gladly beat the shit out of you." He stepped forward but Jamie stopped him as Trevor finally spoke.

"I didn't mean for this to happen," he whispered. 

"What do you mean?! You went into this whole thing knowing you had feelings for her."

"What thing?" Quinn interrupted. 

"Do you wanna tell him?" Jamie crossed his arm. Trevor said nothing. "Are you really going to make me tell him?"

"We've been sleeping together," Trevor said softly. Quinn exhaled.

"How long?" He asked.

"Since my birthday," he paused, scared of how Quinn would react after he said his next words, "last year." Quinn saw red. Yes, you were old enough to make your own decisions, but he hated that this decision ended with you in tears and running out the door.

"You've been stringing her along for over a year?!" Quinn's voice got louder with each word. 

"No, I swear! I didn't think she felt the same way I did, and if-" Trevor's voice broke.

"Come on, Trevor," Jamie sighed. "You're dumb, but you're not that dumb. Everyone can see that she loves you and you love her."

It was quiet for a moment.

"You better fix this," Quinn spoke one last time as he headed for the door, he didn't trust himself to not punch Trevor if he stayed any longer. 

"She is the best thing that has ever happened to you, don't let her get away." Jamie walked away.

(you)

The first week after that night everyone gave you your space. Texts were your only form of communication, you didn't trust yourself to talk, you knew your voice would be coarse from all the crying. 

Trevor would call and text you everyday and every time he did you ignored him. Eventually you muted his notifications, you knew you should've blocked him but you weren't ready for that. 

────

The second week after that night you no longer had space. At least one of your friends were with you at your apartments at all times. These days were filled with binge watching cringy reality shows and lots of take out. You started to smile and laugh again. 

────

The third week after is when you finally left your apartment. 

On Monday, Quinn took you to the beach, complaining about how he was getting sand in places he didn't know sand could get into. You laughed as he got hit on, multiple times. He just awkwardly said 'thank you,' every time he was complimented. Once the, one sided, flirting stopped Quinn soon became your greatest enemy. When you got up to stretch your legs he took that as an opportunity to grab you and throw you into the water. Once you came out of the water you saw Quinn dying of laughter. When he saw the look on your face he ran for his life.

On Tuesday, Luke dragged you to an arcade. You beat him at air hockey and might have gotten a little too excited based on the looks you got from all of the parents with their little kids. He accused you of cheating saying 'You rigged this somehow. I should've won, I literally play hockey for a living!’ You just laughed and called him a sore loser followed by a laugh and, ‘Maybe it’s time you retire and I take your place. I do look pretty good in red.’ He just scoffed and walked off to the next game.

On Wednesday, Jack made you go to an amusement park. He said that the two of you had to go on every single ride. The day started good but soon Jack's face started to go pale. You said you two should probably leave but he refused. He said he was fine and that it was time for the big rollercoaster. As soon as you got off the ride Jack ran to the nearest trash can and threw up. You whispered a quick 'I told you so,' and Jack just gave you the middle finger.

On Thursday, Nico forced you to go on a hike with him, you hated this. He didn’t tell you how long the hike was going to be and you wanted to punch him. The hike was filled with you cursing at him, while he just laughed. It was worth it once you saw the view at the top. The smug look on Nico's face however, was not worth it. You jokingly said you would push him off the cliff if he didn't wipe that look off his face.

On Friday, Jamie just simply walked around town with you as you shopped, not complaining once, that night he took you to a drive-in movie theater that was playing your favorite movie. This might have been your favorite activity of the week. Just you and one of your closest friends laughing being a little too loud and getting told to shut up by the cars next to you, almost getting kicked out. 

You thought you would get to have a quiet night alone on Saturday but that thought went out the window when you heard a knock on your door. You opened the door and saw all of them standing there, a couple holding snacks and a few holding blankets and pillows.

"What is all of this?" You laughed.

"We’re staying over," Jack said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world, he then pushed past you letting himself in.

"Yeah, no, of course you can totally come in," you joked sarcastically.

"We know," Nico said, you playfully slapped his back as he walked by.

You watched as the blankets were dropped on the living room floor and the snacks were placed on the coffee table. 

"I don't have a say in this, do I?" You crossed your arms 

"Nope!" They all said in unison. You rolled your eyes playfully before joining them. 

(him)

The last three weeks had been absolute hell for Trevor. During those three weeks he barely saw Jamie or anyone else, he knew he deserved that thought. The silence and alone time gave him a lot of time to think. When he wasn't in bed, he was out driving. He never had a destination in mind, he just wanted to clear his head but, as if the universe was playing some sick joke on him, he always ended up at your apartment building.

That Sunday morning was no exception. He sat there for what felt like eternity before he noticed people exiting the building. He focused to see who it was and he felt his heart start racing once he did. It was Jamie, Quinn, Jack, Luke, and Nico. Quickly he ducked, thankful that the parking spot he was in was somewhat covered by a tree. After a few minutes he finally looked to see if the coast was clear. He let out a breath he didn't know he was holding.

This was his moment. He could go up to you and finally explain everything, finally see you again, even if it was for the last time. He took a few deep breaths before opening the car door. Slowly, he walked towards the side entrance of the building. Once he got there he stopped and remembered, he had given your spare key to Jamie, he couldn't get into the building. He looked over at the intercom system and saw the button with your name. He obviously couldn't press it. You would turn him away immediately. He looked at the only other name that he knew.

Miss Bea. The old lady who lived across the hall from you. The lady who you would spend most of your free time with and the lady who always came over to your apartment on Sunday nights for dinner and card games. You both quickly became an important part in each other's lives. You were close, Miss Bea was like your grandmother and you were like her granddaughter. He knew that you had definitely told Miss Bea what had happened and he also knew that Miss Bea was terrifying when she was mad. With a shaky hand he pressed the button next to Miss Bea's name. He waited for a second before he heard her voice.

"Who is this? What do you want?" She asked quickly. Trevor froze and couldn't speak. "If this is some kind of prank or whatever you kids do these days you better get to running before I get down there." He knew that wasn't an empty threat.

"Hi-," his voice wavered for a second. "Hi, Miss Bea. It's-um-it's Trevor." He braced himself. 

"You have some nerve coming here!" She was almost yelling.

"I know, ma'am, I know." He stopped and ran his hand through his hair, he didn’t know what to say, so he didn’t say anything. It was silent for awhile. Trevor began to think she had walked away.

"Are you here to apologize?" She said curtly.

"Yes, ma'am," he whispered.

"Speak up I can't hear you. I said, are you here to apologize?" 

"Yes, ma'am," he said once again, this time loud and clear. It went quiet again. He thought that maybe she had just walked away as he just stood there for awhile. Soon the door in front of him opened and there stood the short but mighty, and scary, little old lady.

"You make her cry angain and I will end you." She pointed at him. "I know people. One call and they'll be here in a second." 

Trevor gulped and quickly nodded his head in fear. He had no doubt that she did in fact 'know people,' and he did not want to meet them. She let him walk in front of her and he waited to help her up the stairs with an arm held out.

"Don't get all gentlemen like now." She waved her hand shooing him away. He nodded his head before turning and making his way to your apartment.

Before he knew it he was standing at the door. With a shaky hand he knocked before he lost the courage. Time felt like it had slowed down. Soon the door swung open.

"Guys, I told you-"

(you)

Your stomach dropped instantly. There he was standing right in front of you. Quickly you tried to slam the door but he stopped it with his foot. 

"Wait!" You opened the door once again. 

"How the hell did you get in here?" You wanted to yell but you didn't. Before he could respond you saw Miss Bea walking to her front door with a little smirk on her face. "Miss Bea?!" You said in disbelief.

"Are we still on for dinner tonight, dear?" She asked in the most nonchalant voice you had ever heard. Your jaw dropped. "Honey, we talked about this, close your mouth or you're going to catch flies." She joked as she closed her door, leaving you alone with Trevor. You quickly closed your mouth before looking at the boy who had caused you so much pain.

"Can we please talk?" He whispered.

"I don't want to talk to you." You started to shut the door again.

"Then can you please listen? Just listen to what I have to say and if by the time I'm done you still want me to leave I will leave and I will never bother you again." You let out a sigh and opened the door, slowly.

"You have 5 minutes," you knew that was far too generous but, sadly, you desperately wanted to hear what he had to say. You stepped aside and let him in. You watched as he looked around your apartment like he had never been there before. All of the pictures of the two of you and the small little trinkets the two of you had collected over the years were tucked away in the back of your closet. There was no trace of him anymore. "You're wasting time. You’re 5 minutes started when I closed the door." You said as you crossed your arms. Finally, he turned to you, and for the first time you got a proper look at him. His eyes were bloodshot, his hair was a mess, and his face wasn't as bright as it used to be.

"Do you remember that field trip we took back in second grade, to the aquarium?" He asked. You nodded your head, extremely confused as to why that is what he started with. He looked down at his hands. "You were terrified to walk through the shark tunnel, so I held your hand and promised that I would protect you." He chuckled but his voice was still shaking.

It took everything in you not to smile at the fond memory.

"That was the first time I felt it. Obviously I didn't know what ‘it’ was at the time. But when my mom picked me up from school that day I told her she had to take me to the hospital immediately. She asked what was wrong and tried to see if i had any injuries. I told her you gave me cooties. She just laughed and I remember I got so upset because I thought I was dying and my mom was just laughing at me. She finally asked me why I thought you had given me cooties. I told her that my tummy felt all warm and fuzzy after I let go your hand and it happened again every time you laughed or smile or looked at me. She laughed again and told me it wasn't cooties and that I would understand when I was older." He wiped his nose on his sleeve, you turned around and grabbed a tissue box.

"Here," you whispered softly as you offered it to him. 

"Thank you.” He wiped his nose before continuing. "Then in seventh grade there was that cheesy little winter formal and that little dickhead Tyler asked you to dance. Except it wasn’t even a real slow dance you both just stood there awkwardly with your hands on each other’s shoulders, stepping side to side.” You let out a quick and short laugh. Trevor laughed too. "I was so mad that he asked you before I did and that's when I started to realize that maybe I wanted more than just a friendship with you. You two started dating and at first I thought it wasn't gonna last because, c'mon we were in middle school, middle school relationships never last. But somehow you did and you lasted all the up to the end of sophomore year, which surprised everyone, especially me. You two finally broke up because you caught him cheating-"

"Okay, okay, you don't need to bring that part up," you muttered.

"And then somehow Tyler ended up with a broken nose..." he trailed off.

"And you somehow ended up with bruised knuckles,” you chuckled. A lightness began to fill the air.

"Hey, don't look at me, Tyler never said who did it." He raised his hands up in surrender. You could see Trevor's face start to light up again. “The end of senior year came and prom was coming up. You went on and on about how there was no chance in hell you were going. You turned down a dozen promposals. I was able to convince you to go with me because I promised I would stay by your side the entire time. I still had to drag you out of the house though. That's the night we had our first kiss, it was during a slow dance, a real slow dance, and we laughed because it was a complete cliché. We never talked about that kiss afterwards, we both acted like it never happened, and I hated that. It terrified me but that's when I knew 100%," he paused as he took a small step forward, and you let him. "That's the night I realized I was completely in love with you. I have been in love with you since before I even knew what love was. I still am and I will always be in love with you."

You didn't know when they started but you finally felt tears stream down your face. You stood there in shock. He felt the same way you did. He was in love with you. He has been his entire life. 

"I never acted on those feelings because I thought you didn’t feel the same and that you never would. I’m a complete mess and all over the place and you’re…” he paused. “You’re, you. Then my birthday happened and everything got so complicated. I should have told you that very first night but I couldn’t, I couldn’t ruin our friendship more than it probably already was. I need you in my life so I took you in whatever way that would keep you by my side. Which was fucked up and completely selfish," he whispered.

"But what about that night? You didn't seem to be in love with me then," your voice broke a little at the end.

"I thought you were mad at me. You were short on the phone with me and then your phone went straight to voicemail every time I tried to call and you didn't read any of my texts.”

“So your first thought was to hook up with some random girl?” You cut him off.

“No! I don’t know!” He stuttered loudly, regretting his choice of words when he saw your eyes filled with hurt. “Fuck! No! You make my mind get all jumbled up and I can’t think straight when I’m around you or even when I just think about you. I jumped to conclusions and I thought that everything was over, our friendship and our…whatever we became, and just the thought of that sent me into a self destructive spiral, I wanted to get you out of my head and I failed and I hurt you while doing so. I should’ve told you how I felt that night at prom. I should’ve tried harder, I know that now, and I should've fought for you. I should've ran after you that night.”

“Yeah, you really should have,” you whispered. Slowly but surely you could feel your heart getting put back together again with every word he said. You could feel your love grow the more he talked.

“I have been beating myself up everyday for the past three weeks because all I did was stand there and let you walk away. You are quite literally the best thing that has ever happened to me. I would give everything up if it meant you'd forgive me and that I could spend the rest of our lives making it up to you. I'd even give up hockey if you asked me to, I really hope you don't because I'm really not good at anything else." He was rambling, saying whatever thought came into his head. He went to continue speaking but you just laughed and closed the space between the both of you.

You grabbed his shirt and kissed him. You kissed him with everything you had. He stood there shocked for a second before he finally relaxed into the kiss, cupping your face with both of his hands. This kiss was unlike any of the kisses before. There was no rush, no roughness, there was just love. You could feel the love radiating off of both of you and you never wanted it to end. Sadly it had to. You had to breathe. 

"What was that for? I mean not that I didn't enjoy it, I really enjoyed it. I just mean does-" you interrupted him with another kiss.

"Has anyone ever told you that you talk too much?" You asked as you pulled away. You wiped the few tears still left on his face and he did the same for you. You wrapped your arms around his neck, his wrapped around your waist.

"I've been told that once or twice," he joked, all you did was laugh before bringing him in for a soft peck. He leaned his forehead against yours, his eyes closed and face full of love and happiness. The two of you just stood there in silence for a moment, taking in and processing everything that just happened.

"Hey Trev," you waited for some kind of response. Which came in the form of a questioning hum. "You got the story wrong." You pulled away, and walked over to your couch, Trevor right behind you. You both sat down

"What do you mean?" He questioned.

"The aquarium," you looked at him with a smirk. "You were the one who was terrified to walk through the shark tunnel, not me." He looked at you like you were crazy.

"No I wasn't, it was you!" He argued. He leaned back against the couch and pulled you with him.

“Maybe you’ve fallen on the ice one too many times because I’m right,” you laughed, your laughter causing Trevor to laugh. You curled into his side and he wrapped his arms around you.

Once your laughter died down Trevor spoke up again.

“I’m so happy you forgave me because I did not want to fall victim to Miss Bea’s ‘people,’ that really would’ve sucked.” He shuddered at the thought.

You looked up at him and the scared look on his face caused you to smile bigger than you ever had before. He looked down at you and playfully scoffed at your smiling face before leaning down to softly kiss you again.

This is what you both wanted for the rest of your lives. Laughing until your ribs hurt, kissing like it was the last time, and all the good times and bad times in between.

It wasn’t going to be easy, and you still had a lot to talk about, but you knew, with every fiber of your being, that he was never going to let you go again, he was never going to let you walk out that door, and you were never going to let him do the same.

[sc0tters]

Forgotten Feelings | Will Smith

summary: confessions are made when you get trapped in an elevator with your ex

trope: right person wrong time

warnings: swearing

word count: 2.65k

author note: I have been dying to get this one out! We are back on the celly writing train and I have to say I really liked to one. To the four people who asked for this to be released tonight here we are and I home we all see it as a little think for the boys making it into the final tmrw or in my case today, it’s 4am! this apart of the 500 celly, if you want to see more from this you can do so here!

Being Cutter’s sister came with a whole load of benefits.

You had a great older brother, a sports-active family. But most of all you met the guy that held all of your firsts that mattered to you, he was the first guy you slept with, the first you said I love you to. In truth though you weren’t meant to fall for Will, it happened years ago but when you started dating at the end of your junior year after he kissed you at your families lake house.

What felt like cloud nine where you’d constantly see him with you driving to his during most breaks. His family adored you much like yours did him. But that was what made him breaking up with you hurt so much more.

When Will called you it seemed like nothing was wrong “hey babe!” You smiled shutting your door as the call connected “hey.” Will had something that plagued his mind and unfortunately for him you noticed it “you okay?” You frowned fixing the strings of your hoodie.

He hated that he couldn’t lie to you “you know you’re a great person right?” The words rolled off of his tongue as it made you freeze “what are you getting at?” Your eyebrows raised as you grew skeptical “I think we should break up.” The hockey player blurted out as he had thought about this for the last week.

You were left silent as your mind went through all of the different reasons why he would want that “we could end up on different sides of the-” as Will tried to explain it to you it made you lose it “don’t try to act like distance would now be a problem you dick!” You spat letting the tears roll down your cheeks “I’m just doing what’s best for you.” In all honesty Will wanted to end things before he ended up on a regular team with Cutter.

But as you shook your head staring at the pictures of the two of you that hung on your wall “what’s best for me is deleting your number.” Before Will could say anymore the call was cut short as you threw your phone across the room as you pulled your body to your pillow “you okay dimple?” Cutter called out as he knocked on your door. The nickname came from the bulging dimple you got in your left cheek whenever you smiled “do I look okay?” You sniffled not noticing as your older brother pulled you into a hug.

Ending up at Boston University honestly wasn’t intentional, but when Cutter heard had been accepted there you knew you couldn’t say no to your brother. That’s how you ended up in the same class as Will. The shock that laced your face when you saw him was enough to have everyone picking up that you two had history.

Maybe it was stupid of Will to believe that you two could have gone back to what you once had but instead of getting to watch you fall back in love with him, he got to watch you flirt with a new guy at every party. What he didn’t know was that you were doing that only to piss him off. All of the hurt you felt had turned into rage and you needed him to feel what you had to go through during the summer.

You were barely keeping yourself afloat as your heart never found its way to heal from the pain the breakup had you feeling. It was easy avoiding him in college as you two only had a handful of conversations during your first semester. Will wanted to see more of you but everytime he got close you were practically running the other way. Resulting in only a handful of conversations actually happening between you both.

When Cutter got called up to go to Sweden it was a no brainer for you to go watch him. Even with your family there you still couldn’t face Will. It made you feel like you were going crazy when his sister would frown each time someone brought up Will around you. There were a group of Swedish girls that showed up at each of the games and they couldn’t help but giggle each time Will got close to the board in front of you guys “can’t believe he’s single!” The girl cheered as you felt envy coarse through your veins.

Grace smiled as she leaned over to talk to you “those girls don’t mean anything.” What she wanted to say was that Will was still in love with you but of course she couldn’t do that to him, not when he thought you moved on “even if they did it would be fine.” You lied through your teeth as you watched them scroll through Will’s Instagram. You hadn’t noticed that there were still so many pictures that once belonged to you on there.

You laughed as Will pulled his hat over his head "baby no!" He groaned as you pouted "but you look so cute." You mumbled running your fingers up his arm "give me a kiss first." Will pulled you onto his lap as he smirked.

His hands pinched at your waist as it made you squeal "want you doll." His fingers forced your jaw to look at him "you're so pretty." You blurted out making him smile "don't know what I'd do without you." Will sighed as he raked his fingers through your hair "still want that kiss?" You clicked your tongue making him laugh.

He nodded he licked his lips "think I should be taking pictures of you." Will mumbled as he kissed you, his eyes shut as he savored the taste of your vanilla lip oil on his tongue "now I'm getting that picture." The hockey player laughed at your determination "don't want this moment to end." You sighed seeing the date on your phone as you two only had a few more days left together before you were going home.

Will matched your look "then let's have it not end." He mumbled taking your phone as he flipped the camera taking a picture of the two of you as his lips pressed against your temple.

The memory replayed in your mind as the pictures from your time together at the lake house showed up on his feed. You weren't proud but when you got back to the hotel you were back on your phone and scrolling through his instagram account as you saw that not a single picture that you took had been deleted. Everyone in the comments gushed about how smiley Will was as nobody knew that it was you behind the camera and it was you that he was staring at. A picture in particular that you found yourself growing sick at was the first one he posted after the breakup. It was at the devs camp with San Jose and he just looked so unbelievably happy.

You wanted to curse him for that, you wanted to absolutely hate him for the way he pulled your heart from your chest and didn't look like he cared that he was no longer yours. Maybe it was the comments that those girls said earlier as it was finally getting to you, or maybe it was the fact that you noticed the thick silver chain that was on his neck. As you swore that it was the one that you had given him you began zooming into the picture, you changed the angles, you changed how zoomed in you were, and then you made the rookie mistake of actually liking the picture. As the red heart appeared you felt your own drop "fuck!" You whined kicking your legs as you shook your head.

It wasn't as though you could unlike it because the notification was still going to be sent to Will's phone and he was going to know that you had liked it. You hadn't even been given a chance to dig yourself a hole to let yourself crawl into it, Cutter had to call.

Because that's what brothers are for, right?

Your face hit your pillows as you answered "yes?" You groaned pressing it to your ear "dimple where are you?" Cutter frowned as he looked through the crowd trying to find you. Even as their family was there Cutter wanted his sister downstairs with him as he felt bad that Will and you still hadn't spoken "I will come down now." You pushed your hair out of your face as you began to rub your temple staring at the outfit that you were still in from earlier "good and if you see any of the other boys bring them with you!" Cutter's words made you laugh as you knew that it meant that the guys also weren't down yet either.

You mumbled something inchoerent as it made him laugh "just get down here in one piece okay?" He was amused as he shook his head hanging up the call "don't date another one of your brothers friends okay?" You spoke to yourself as you stared at the mirror.

It took you record time to get ready and now you were running to the elevator as you hit the ground floor button. Lousy elevator music clouded your ears all the way until you dropped two floors and were now left with the doors opening to one person you really didn't want to see "fuck." You mumbled to yourself as Will's face dropped "I'll wait for the next one." He offered going to press the close door button in your elevator but you shook your head.

Cutter was in the back of your head reminding you that you were strong enough to be civil with him "we can survive together in an elevator." You pointed out as you crossed your arms stepping to the side to give him space to stand in there with you "you played well today." You chewed at your lower lip as you stared at the ground.

Will sighed to himself as he hit the red stop button on the lift causing it to come to a halt "what the hell are you doing?" You yelled trying to pull his arm away but you were just too late "we need to talk about us." Will pointed to the gap between you both "what us are you exactly talking about?" You scoffed as you rolled your eyes.

You sucked at your teeth as you shook your head "because the last time I checked you broke up with me." Your finger pushed into his chest as you felt your throat begin to tighten "just hit the dang button so I can get out of here.” You pleaded as you motioned to the buttons of the wall “fine.” Will nodded as he pressed the button “what?” His eyes went wide as the elevator didn’t start moving again.

When panic set in for him you did the same “why are we moving?” You groaned as nothing happened “I think this is broken.” He announced placing his head in his hand “yeah no shit Will.” The hockey player rolled his eyes as he saw you sit on the ground.

You grumbled something yourself as you plotted all of the ways you could have killed him whilst he notified maintenance that you were in there “look I’m sorry that I got you stuck in here but it wouldn’t have happened if you just spoke to me.” Will’s words had you ready to lean over and punch him now because maybe that could have gotten him to shut up.

It was clear he wanted a reaction “you want to talk?” You snapped “then let’s talk about how you decided to dump me when you knew I applied to BC too!” He wanted to blame the distance before “I did it so you didn’t feel like I was the reason you picked it!” Will felt his voice break as tears welled in your eyes “you had no right!” You furrowed your eyebrows as you picked at your fingers.

He watched your face contort “yet you still treat me like I don’t exist.” It seriously did fuck with Will as he had to watch you talk to everyone but him “because it makes it easier.” You blurted out as you slapped your hand over your mouth realising that you were dangerously close to a can of worms “easier to do what?” Will’s voice came out louder than he would have hoped as he sighed.

You groaned as you rubbed your hand over your face "I can't pretend anymore." You shook your head as he waited for an answer “all I’m asking for this the truth.” In all honesty he didn’t know when he’d get you like this next so for now Will wanted to air all of the dirty laundry.

So desperately you wanted the elevator to start working again in that moment so you wouldn’t have to tell him “I’m maybe still slightly sort of somewhat in love with you.” You mumbled looking everywhere that he wasn’t “you are?” Will felt a smile form on his face as the words settled in the air.

It made you nod “I don’t know why I am because you’ve moved on so you won’t even care that I’m telling you.” You chewed at the inside of your cheek as you watched him smirk “this isn’t funny!” You scoffed as you leaned forward to shove his shoulder.

But Will was too fast for you as he wrapped his hand around your wrist pulling you closer to him “you think I’ve moved on?” He asked brushing your hair out of your face “like I want to be anywhere else in the world?” Will added as he watched you lick your lips “sort of why you want to dump someone usually.” Your voice was barely a whisper as you stared at him.

He sighed as he watched you remain quiet “I broke up with you because I thought you deserved someone better.” Will’s confession has you sitting up straight as your pupils blew “someone b-better?” You stammered as you moved away from him “you need someone who can be with you when you need them.” Will nodded as he brought his knees to his chest.

You now wanted to hit him because you were sad “you were all I needed.” Your voice was just a whisper as you sent him a frown “god I’m so sorry.” Will apologised as he shook his head “how did we fall so far?” You sighed as he reached out to cup your hand “because I wanted you to have more than I could give.” It made you smile as you shuffled so that you could sit next to him.

His words made you melt “next time you tell me if you think I want more okay?” You let out a soft laugh as the boy tensed “next time?” Will repeated your words as you nodded “I want to try again.” You mumbled staring down at his lips as though they were calling for you.

Will was quick to agree “I’d like that.” He brought his hand to your cheek as he pulled you into a kiss “fuck I’ve missed you.” The hockey player groaned as his voice had you smiling.

What felt like hours had passed by the time that the electricians came and fixed the elevator “thank god you’re okay!” Both of their families stood together as they saw their kids walk out “Will why are you wearing lipstick?” Grace smirked as Cutter stared at you “and why is yours all smudged?” Cutter added as he crossed his arms “funny story.” You trailed off as you awkwardly smiled.

You ended up telling Cutter most of it, but the big detail you left out was that you now had a boyfriend.

[kiarastromboli]

Teach me 5 (Chris Sturniolo x y/n)

Part.1 Part.2 Part.3 Part.4

Masterlist.

Warning: angst, mention of selfharm, arguing.

Summary: After a challenging party and a disagreement with her mother, Y/N finds herself alone, confronted by her darkest thoughts. She hits rock bottom, but something prevents her from taking irreversible actions.

Note: This part will address sensitive subjects such as depression and self-harm. If you're not comfortable with these topics, please do not read. I want to emphasize that my intention is not to romanticize distress or depression. If you're struggling and need help, there are people around you. My DMs are open for anyone who feels the need to talk. You are not alone. 🫶🏻

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How could I be so stupid, even though my parents warned me about boys like Chris?

Liars, manipulators who can't control their desires and needs.

And I, like the naive and innocent little virgin I was, fell for it.

I fell for it, and I believed it for two years, believed it to the point of tearing my fucking heart out of my chest.

I can't believe I could be so damn foolish.

Is this what being blinded by love is like? Is this what it's supposed to mean?

Is that why they keep lecturing us teenagers that we don't know what real love is?

If he lied to me that night, then it means he lied to me every other night.

If he truly loved me as he claimed, he would never have dared to do such a thing to me.

How could he look me in the eyes and tell me all those bullshit while he was already dating another girl?

I thought he was honest and sincere; he had the same look as the first time he said 'I love you,' and now it all seemed like a fucking lie.

I knew that sleeping with him that night wasn't supposed to mean anything, and since we were supposed to remain friends, it's not the fact that he's with another girl that hurts me.

It's the fact that he lied to me, making me believe I was the only one in his heart.

I was warned about him; Julia told me to be careful, and even my father told me it was better if I went to the other end of the country to cut contact with him.

But I didn't want to believe all that because I was charmed by a few kisses and conversations that I thought were meaningful until now.

I wish it were just a lie, but that night, just before leaving Julia's party, I saw Tess and Chris kissing in the middle of the crowd, and I felt like I was going to die of heartbreak.

He was kissing her right here in front of everyone, which means he didn't even bother hiding it from me anymore.

Was it a way of getting back at me for what i did ?

Why did he make me believe he didn't hold a grudge against me? Why did he play with my fucking heart like that?

I was so ashamed that I didn't even bother explaining the situation to Julia; I went home and locked myself in my room.

Waking up this morning, I saw a ton of missed messages and calls from Julia. Shit, I didn't think to tell her I was leaving; she must have been worried...

In addition to feeling like shit because of Chris, I naturally had to wake up with a hangover.

I'm pathetic, this whole story is ridiculous.

"You came home very late last night; I thought you'd be back today," my mother said, arms crossed, upon seeing me enter the kitchen.

Great, now I'll have to face her, and judging by the expression on her face, I suspect our conversation won't be pleasant. That's just what was missing!

"I didn't feel very well last night; I preferred to come home," I told her, opening the kitchen cupboard to take a mug.

"Did you drink?" she asked, exhaling.

"Mom, I told you it was a party for my return, and-" I barely had time to finish justifying myself; she had already resumed speaking.

"I thought you had changed, that you had improved, but I see it's worse. How do you think your father will react to this, y/n?" she said, distressed.

I sighed before she could speak again. "Seriously, y/n, do you think it's an appropriate way for a young woman like you to behave? Have you thought about what people will think of us seeing you like this?"

"Damn, don't you ever get tired of bringing everything back to you?" I snapped, and she jumped at the sound of my raised voice.

"My whole fucking life, I played the role you wanted me to play, and I never complained!" I said, furious.

"You sent me to the other end of the country without even giving me a choice, forcing me to rebuild my life and leave the people I love!"

"Do you have any idea how challenging it is to be your daughter, Mom? Do you know what it's like to have this kind of education when you grow up around normal parents and teenagers?"

"Yes, I made some mistakes, and you never-" I paused, letting out a fake laugh. "Never failed to remind me!"

"But all the good things I've done, all the good grades, all the people I've helped, everything I've done to please you and help you, you've never commented on that," I said, disgusted.

"You never congratulated me; you never said you were proud of me. And no matter how much effort I put into it, I was never enough for you or Dad!"

"I hid behind this role of the perfect little girl. I hid all my pain and kept my head high, hoping that one day you would be proud. But the truth is, you'll never be because you don't love me. You love the girl I pretend to be, but you hate the girl I am!" I said before leaving the kitchen in tears to lock myself in my room again.

This day couldn't get any more horrible than it already was.

My mother tried knocking on my door, but I stayed there in my bed.

I didn't want to face her anymore; I didn't want to talk to her. It was already hard enough.

Why was my life so chaotic? Why don't I deserve happiness?

Why do things always have to get worse?

What did I do wrong to deserve this?

I didn't even know who I was and what I was supposed to be.

At that moment, I would have given anything to go back to the other end of the country, far from my parents.

But I knew that there, I would have given anything to come back to Boston, close to those I love.

I was lost and alone.

I had no one to share my pain with and no one to hug.

It turns out the only person I might have wanted to embrace was just a liar and an opportunist.

I wrapped myself in my blanket, closed the curtains, and turned off the lights.

I spent the day like that without moving a muscle.

Night came, bringing darkness with it.

Activity on the street outside my house diminished, giving way to silence.

My mother had given up and stopped knocking on my door.

My tears flowed and rested on my face until they turned cold.

I didn't know how long I had stayed like that, but I knew it was a long time.

I kept thinking about all the things I might have done wrong in my life.

I searched for the reason why everything was going so wrong.

Was it because I wasn't grateful enough to have a roof over my head?

Was it because I had been a spoiled child?

Was it because I didn't make enough effort?

Was it because I wasn't a good enough friend? Or a good enough daughter?

Was it because I am a bad person?

Am I a bad person?

Is it legitimate for me to feel this bad?

Am I not exaggerating?

After all, there are worse things in life, right?

People are dying out there, losing their loved ones, and I'm crying because a boy lied to me?

I'm crying because I'm just an unloved child?

A child who only wants to be recognized and appreciated.

What did I do wrong, damn it?

The more my thoughts chained together, the harder it became to breathe.

I had a weight in my chest, and I could feel it deep inside me.

I had cried so much that my sinuses hurt, and my eyes were swollen.

It was hard, so hard. What was I supposed to do?

How was I going to be able to continue living with this weight on my chest?

Dark and obscure thoughts took over my mind.

Thoughts that I was ashamed of, thoughts so awful that I couldn't bring myself to recount them to you.

I wanted to do something bad; I got up and grabbed the blade from my pencil sharpener on my desk.

And before I could reach my bed again, I was interrupted by my window opening.

I turned around in shock, falling face to face with Chris. Damn it, why did he always have to do that?

The blade slipped from my fingers and fell to the floor at that moment.

"Shit," I whispered, quickly bending down to retrieve it.

"What's this?" Chris asked, eyebrows furrowed, pointing at my closed hand.

"Chris, get out of my room right now," I told him sharply.

He scrutinized my face for a moment before speaking again. "Were you crying? Y/n, what's wrong? What are you hiding in your hand?" he asked, concerned.

"It's none of your fucking business. Just leave; I don't want you here!" I said, feeling anger rise again.

"Wow, I haven't done anything. Why are you talking to me like this? Seriously, I'm getting worried. What's going on?" he asked, confused, approaching me.

On reflex, I put the hand holding the blade behind my back when he reached my level, only making him more worried.

"Chris, I'm warning you; I'll call my parents if you don't leave my room now!" I panicked before he grabbed my arm.

"What are you hiding, Y/n? Open your hand!" he said, getting angrier and trying to open my hand.

"Chris, stop – let go of me, stop!" I said, succumbing and crying when he started overpowering me.

I tried to struggle, but he had much more strength than me. It didn't take him long to open my hand and find the blade.

His expression changed; he furrowed his eyebrows and looked up at me.

"What were you doing when I came into your room?" he asked, well aware of what my answer would be.

Tears started flowing again, and this time, I was filled with shame. I couldn't even bring myself to speak, so I just stood there, looking at him with teary eyes.

"Y/n," he said in a fragile voice.

"Why?" he asked, his gaze sad.

"Chris, I want you to leave," I told him amid my sobs.

"No, not until you explain why," he said, shaking his head.

I lifted my head before taking a deep breath to try and stop my tears.

"And why don't you explain your little story with Tess then!" I told him, changing the subject.

"Wait, are you serious, y/n? Don't change the subject," he said, completely confused.

"Chris, what I was about to do is none of your business anymore, not since the moment you lied to my face, making me believe I was special to you," I said, pushing him away.

"But what are you talking about, y/n? I never lied to you," he said, shaking his head.

"Then why didn't you tell me you were with her!" I raised my voice.

"What?" he said, even more confused.

"Chris, I want you to leave; I don't want to deal with this shit right now," I said, turning my back to him.

"Y/n, I'm not fucking dating her. Where did you get that idea?" he said, placing his hand on my shoulder, trying to turn me around.

"Why do you keep lying, Chris? She came to ask me to keep my distance from you, emphasizing that you two are together!" I told him, turning around and brushing his hand off my shoulder.

"Do you really believe that nonsense?" he said, furrowing his eyebrows.

"I saw you kissing her," I said, clenching my jaw and trying to hold back my tears.

He opened his mouth to speak but closed it again, taking a step back.

I sighed. "Damn it, Chris, you're such a jerk," I said, shaking my head.

"Y/n, it's not like that. It's really not what you think," he began to try and justify himself before I cut him off again.

"It's not what I think?" I said, raising my voice and eyebrows.

"Oh, so your tongue wasn't in her mouth?" I said, crossing my arms.

"Y/n, I know it can be misleading, but..." he began to try and explain before I cut him off again with a laugh.

"Misleading?! Chris, seriously?" I said, biting my lip.

"Please, let me explain, y/n," he said, grabbing my hands, but I didn't let him. I pulled back.

"I don't need you to explain, Chris; it's very fucking clear," I said, nodding my head.

"Y/n, please," he said desperately.

"Get out, Chris," I told him sharply.

He looked at me with furrowed eyebrows, not moving.

"For God's sake, just get the fuck out; I want you to leave!" I screamed, pushing him.

"I'm not going to leave you alone when you were about to hurt yourself, y/n. You can be as mad at me as you want, but I won't leave this room until I know you're safe," he said, standing his ground.

"Oh, now you're worried about me?!" I said, laughing.

"You're getting yourself worked up over nothing. I haven't done anything wrong, y/n," he said, looking me in the eyes.

"You'd rather believe some girl you don't even know over me. You won't even give me a chance to explain!" he said, waving his hands.

"Because I don't want to listen to another one of your lies, Chris. I'm too tired for that!" I told him, breaking into tears.

"But I'm not lying to you, y/n. Trust me!" he said, advancing towards me.

"I can't. I can't. I'm not strong enough for that. I don't want to take the risk of sinking even lower!" I confessed.

"Is it because of me that you were going to do that?" he said, pointing to the blade that now rested on my bedside table.

I looked at him, eyes soaked and throat tightened.

"Oh god," he whispered, running his hand over his face.

"I'm so sorry, y/n, if I made you believe I wasn't sincere, but all this is just a mistake. I'm not dating Tess," he said, taking my hands.

"I slept with her for a long time, okay, I won't lie to you. I was sleeping with her before we got together, and when you left, I turned to her right away," he began to explain, and I just listened.

"I was a jerk to her. I made her believe it could work between us to keep her under my control, even though I knew we would never be together," he said, and I could hear the disgust in his voice.

"When I got myself together, I stopped everything with her and tried to apologize, but she kept resenting me. She knew what you meant to me; that's why she didn't waste a second to come and tell you those lies," he said, and I sank down, sitting on my bed.

"Y/n, I'm not proud of what I did. She didn't deserve that, and it's not an excuse, but when you left, I was in such a bad place that I hurt anyone who came near me," he said, sitting next to me.

"I haven't lied to you once," he said, placing his hand on mine.

"I'm sorry, y/n, believe me, I really am. I didn't want you to end up like this. I should have told you that night, but I was too ashamed," he said, looking into my eyes.

"And why did you kiss her then?" I asked, wiping my tears.

"Because she threw herself at me; I was completely wasted. By the time I understood what was happening and detached her from my lips, there might have been enough time for you to see us. She probably waited until you were around to do it," he told me.

I looked at him without answering; I was hesitant. I didn't know if I should trust him or not.

"Y/n, I know it sounds far-fetched, but I swear it's true. You can ask anyone; I never dated her," he said, trying to be as convincing and reassuring as possible.

"Chris," I said, lowering my head, "I don't know if I'm supposed to believe you. I don't know if I should trust you or not."

"It's the truth, y/n, I swear. You can ask anyone. I would never do anything to hurt you," he said, squeezing my hand.

"I need time; I don't know what to think. I don't know if I should believe you or not,"

"I'll give you all the time you need," he said, nodding.

"You should rest; it's late, and you really look tired," he said, getting up.

"I'll take this with me," he said, picking up the blade from my bedside table before heading to my window.

"Chris!" I said before he left my room, and he turned around.

"Yes?" he replied.

"I don't want to be alone," I said, letting a tear fall, "Can you stay with me until I fall asleep, please?"

He took a deep breath, "Y-yeah, of course," he said, moving closer to me.

He grabbed the chair from my desk and placed it next to my bed before sitting down.

I slipped under the sheets of my bed, whispering to him, "Thank you, Chris."

"Don't thank me; it's the least I can do for you," he said with a weak smile.

Silence filled the room for a few seconds before I spoke again.

"It wasn't just because of you, you know?" I said in a weak voice.

"Do you want to talk about it?" he asked, leaning towards me.

"I had a fight with my mom," I told him, and he nodded, signaling me to continue.

"And for the first time, I told her what I really had on my mind," I continued, sitting up against my headboard.

"I said things to her that I had never had the courage to say before, and when I went back to my room, everything hit me," I said, unable to control my voice, which occasionally broke.

"I found myself alone with my thoughts, and I started to wonder why all this was happening to me," I continued, waving my hands.

"I got lost in my own head; grief took over, and I felt this horrible weight on my chest," I said, letting a tear fall and placing my hand on my chest.

"It hurt, and I didn't know what I was supposed to do. My thoughts were screaming awful things at me, and I struggled to breathe; I felt suffocated," I said, shaking my head, and more tears began to stream down my cheeks.

"And for a brief moment, I thought that by inflicting physical pain on myself, it would get rid of all these bad thoughts," I said before biting my lip.

"I just wanted it to stop; I wanted to distract my mind. I didn't want to hurt myself, but it felt like the only solution," I said, trying to wipe away my tears.

"And now, looking back, I realize how stupid and awful it was. I don't know what came over me; it was like it was stronger than me," I added, hitting my mattress with my arm.

"I just wanted it to stop; I wanted to feel better," I said, shaking my head, and he took me into his arms.

I was so carried away by my emotions that I didn't even notice he was also crying.

"It's over now, y/n; I'm here, okay?" he said, holding me tightly.

"I'll chase away all those bad thoughts of your head for you if you want," he continued to say.

"It's going to be okay, I promise you," he said, gently stroking my head.

"I can't figure out what the hell is wrong with me," I told him, crying against his chest.

"I played a role for so long that I don't even know who I'm supposed to be," I said, clinging to his shirt.

"You're allowed to be lost; we all go through that. You'll eventually figure out who you really are; you just need to give yourself time," he reassured me.

"I know who you are, and I assure you that the person you are doesn't deserve to inflict so much pain on themselves," he continued to say.

"I just wanted to please them," I said, crying.

"Your parents?" he asked, and I nodded.

"If your parents don't love you for who you are, then they're really assholes. You deserve better than that," he said. I left his arms, wiping my tears.

"You're an amazing person, y/n, and it breaks my heart to hear you say that because you shouldn't have to beg for your parents' love, and it's just not fair," he said, caressing my cheek.

"In their place, I'd give you all the love in the world; in their place, I'd constantly tell you how proud I am of you because that's what you deserve," he said, looking into my eyes, and I couldn't help but cry.

"Thank you, Chris," I said, lowering my head.

"I'm sorry that life throws so much crap at you. If I could take away all the pain from your heart, believe me, I would," he said.

"But right now, what you need is to rest," he added.

"And I won't leave your room until you fall asleep, I promise. I'm here; you're not alone. I'm watching over you," he said, yawning.

"You're tired too," I said, smiling slightly.

"Yes, but I can wait," he said, returning a smile.

"You can sleep with me if you want," I told him.

"I don't know; won't your parents freak out?" he said, furrowing his brow.

"Not if you leave before they wake up tomorrow," I said, shrugging.

"Please, let me do this at least for you; you need to rest as much as I do," I added.

"Okay, um, do you want us to sleep in the same bed?" he asked timidly.

"You can sleep on the floor if you want, but it wouldn't be the first time you and I share a bed," I said, scratching my neck.

"Yeah, but the other times we shared a bed, y/n, it wasn't for sleeping," he said, rolling his eyes and chuckling.

"Do you think we wouldn't be able to share a bed without getting intimate?" I asked, crossing my arms.

"No, that's not what I meant. I—," he said, embarrassed, before I cut him off.

"It's okay; I'm joking. Stop being silly; come here," I said, lifting the blanket to signal him to lie down next to me, which he eventually did.

Silence filled the room, and it was a bit awkward. Chris kept tossing and turning, so I eventually spoke up, "Are you going to stop fidgeting around anytime soon?" I chuckled.

"Sorry, it's just really warm," he said, chuckling as well.

"Well, you can take off your sweater," I replied.

"Yeah, but I'm not wearing anything underneath," he said, embarrassed.

"Oh," I responded, "um, it doesn't bother me; you can take it off if you're more comfortable that way," I said, trying to play it cool.

"Are you sure?" he asked, looking into my eyes.

"Yeah, and besides, it's nothing new. I've seen you like this before," I said, feeling awkward, and he couldn't help but laugh as he took off his sweater.

"Why are you laughing ?" I asked, confused.

"Nothing; I just find this situation funny," he said, stopping his laughter.

"Oh, shut up!" I said, giving him a punch on the shoulder, and we both burst into laughter.

"I never told you, but I really love your laugh, you know?" he said without thinking, making me blush.

"Ah yeah?" I responded, embarrassed, but this time not for the same reason.

"Yeah, I find it soothing," he said, smiling.

Another silence fell. We were face to face, looking at each other without touching, as if there was a vast space between us, almost like we were afraid to make contact.

"I love your eyes," I said without really knowing where I was going with it.

"Why?" he whispered.

"When I look into them, I feel like I'm the only person on Earth," I replied, letting my heart speak.

"It's because you are the only person who truly exists in my eyes," he replied shyly.

Another silence.

"I love your lips," he said.

"I love your nose," I replied.

"I love your hips," he continued, and I could feel the tension building.

"I love your arms," I responded, quickening my breath.

"I love your hands," he replied, placing his hand on mine.

"I love your back," I said, gradually moving closer to him.

"Y/n..." he whispered, his lips just a few millimeters from mine.

"Chris," I responded, my eyes fixed on his lips.

"I love you entirely," he said in an almost inaudible voice before closing the distance between our lips.

I grabbed his collar, pulling him closer without parting our lips. Our kiss deepened, our breaths mingling, and the room's temperature became unbearable.

"Y/n, we can't," he said, separating our lips, my right hand still on his cheek.

"I know," I whispered.

He laid back next to me.

"I love you entirely too," I said, turning my head toward him, tears in my eyes.

Silence, again.

"Maybe in another universe, we got to have our story," he said, staring at the ceiling.

"I wish we were in another universe," I responded, gazing at the ceiling as well.

"Do you think in the one we are, we'll never get to have our story?" I asked him, and he turned his head to look at me.

"I don't know," he said, sighing. "All I know is that in this universe, the girl I love leaves at the end of the vacation," he added.

"I wish things were different," I said.

"I know, me too," he replied.

"Can I fall asleep in your arms?" I asked, letting a tear fall.

He didn't respond, just opened his arms for me to snuggle against his chest, which I did.

"Good night, my angel," he whispered.

"Good night, my love," I replied.

I couldn't help but shed a few tears before closing my eyes and finally managing to find sleep.

Taglist: @chrisloyalgf @christopherscamopants @blahbel668 @thematthewlover @mattsturnioloarchive @carolinalikesthings @bernardsgf @whicked-hazlatwhore @hearts4chris @mattybsbitch @sara2233445

[abrunettefangirlnerd]

The Accident

Request: JJ got hurt when he crashed his motorcycle and he woke up to see the reader sleeping, head resting on her arms, on the edge of the bed. She’s had a crush on him for years, but never told him cause he liked Kiara since kindergarten.

Paring: JJ Maybank x reader

The screeching of metal on concrete vibrates through my mind as the scene plays on repeat. Kie’s sobs, Pope’s shouts for JJ to stop playing around, Topper and Sarah helping load JJ’s body back into the truck. JJ’s head resting on my lap, my fingers running through his blood matted hair, telling myself he is just asleep and we are on John B’s couch.

               The world is submerged underwater and my only focus is on the boy laying in front of me, my best friend. The whole idea behind getting the cross back was absurd, every moment of it. No other moment of my life has come close to the horror that chilled my bones watching the cops chase after JJ once getting Kie to safety in the truck.

               Rustling coming from the door frame snaps me out of my trance to find John B, Sarah, and Kie with hushed whispers. John B wasn’t with us on our failed heist and by the look in his eyes the girls are obviously catching him up to speed. We are supposed to be taking shifts so someone is here with JJ when he wakes up but I refuse to leave. JJ’s cousin checked him out and said he should be fine, but I can’t help but watch each rise and fall of his chest to be sure.

John B’s eyes meet mine and I can see the slightest rise of his eye brows at the scene he is witnessing. I duck my head back to JJ and ignore the heat rising on my cheeks. He is the only one who knows about my crush on JJ ever since a very embarrassing late night drunk conversation after everyone else passed out for the night. But we both know that JJ has been carrying a torch for Kie since kindergarten. JJ was most hurt during her kook year, taking a long while to forgive her, but now acts like it never happened.

JJ paces back and forth with joint in his hand. Pope and John B left with Kie to get provisions for her welcome back party. Only JJ is having a harder time letting go of the last year and I am trying to talk him down. I’m really hoping the weed kicks in soon, JJ is usually more open minded when he gets a nice relaxing dose.

“Y/N how could she just leave us like that and try to come back like nothing happened?!” JJ stops mid pace to look at me, waiting a real answer.

“JJ she explained everything. We were all mad and upset she froze us out. She’s sorry and she’s back. P4L right?”

               Honestly, with Kie’s abandonment I was hoping that JJ would get over his little crush and set his sights somewhere else. Ideally I would want his sights set more on me since I was the only girl in the group. I guess it takes a while to heal a broken heart. Everything went back to normal after that night.

“Y/N,” John B whispers from the doorway. I try to ignore him but he walks till he is standing directly behind me. Placing a hand on my shoulder he tries again. “Y/N, you need to get some rest. Or at least a shower.”

I shake my head as a sob builds in my throat.

“Please, shower at least. You still have his blood on your hands and your legs.” John B squeezes my shoulder, “I’ll stay here with him.”

               Relenting, I nod my head in agreeing with John B. I will my legs to get up and he swiftly takes my place, not letting me change my mind to reclaim my seat. Slowly I make my way out but pause at the door to look back at JJ. Just one more peak at his face before I make my way to the shower.

               On the sink one of the girls laid out some of their extra clothes for me to change into. A swirl of gratitude dances in my chest. It is the lightest I’ve felt since this terrible night started. Operating on autopilot, my hand turns on the water to the shower. I let it run to allow some time for it to warm up. Hot water here is hit or miss, but who can complain about running water.

               Tearing off my clothes one piece at a time my eyes lock on to the red coating my hands and thighs. You still have his blood on your hands and your legs. I run my hands over each other in attempt to rub it off. Not hard or fast enough. My hands move faster, I press harder. I move to my thighs. Small pieces flake off but not enough to make a difference.

               Tears patter against the tile floor breaking me out of my trance. I take deep breathes, 1…2…3… I count in my head. JJ is here, he is alive and he is going to wake up. Finally stepping in the shower the luke warm water cascades down my back and I can feel my muscles loosening. I quickly get to work on cleaning myself up and changing into the new set of clothes.

“He’s still asleep,” John B’s voice greets me without looking up from the ground.

               John B gets up to leave and I quickly reclaim my seat. I feel his presence linger at the door, not quite ready to leave. I can’t blame him, I don’t want to leave him either. JJ is my best friend, and I know John B feels the same.

“Have you thought about telling him yet?” I don’t answer him, which is an answer in itself. “When he wakes up you should.”

               His footstep leave toward the living room with the others. Tell JJ? Just so he can tell me I’m just his friend and that he still has a thing for Kie. To have him act weird around me for the rest of our lives. The thought of that happening is more unbearable than the idea of seeing him and Kie together and losing him in the process. At least I lose him because of her instead of losing him because of myself.

               My eye lids grow heavy as the last bit of adrenaline seeps out of my system. Maybe I should lay down for a bit, just rest my eyes. I’ll wake up before JJ does. Slowly I climb onto the side of the bed that JJ is not on. I loop my fingers in with his as I rest my head against the pillow.

For the rest you can decide how it ends:

Angsty/Sad Happy

[call-memissbrightside]

can i request an angst/comfort where bkg and reader get into an argument where reader is jealous and frustrated of his coworker who is obviously flirting with him, but he doesn’t notice?

tw: physical fight, jealousy, bad words

It’s the way she throws her head back to laugh at every moment Katsuki blows up as Kirishima explains about the time they snuck out of the dorms to sneak off to the red district— blah, blah, blah, you’ve heard the story a million times. It’s not that funny, it doesn’t require the little intern from Katsuki’s agency to howl like a hyena as the story unfolded. She definitely didn’t need to pat your boyfriend’s chest to calm him down.

“You okay?” Shoto asked, nudging you with his elbow. You were glaring hard, the drink in your hand almost shattering at how hard you were holding it.

It’s when the little intern laid her head on Katsuki’s chest as she held her stomach as Kirishima concluded the story, that’s when you had enough.

“Oh I’m about to beat this bitch up,” you declare, moving towards them and quickly pulled the chick off Katsuki by her hair.

Of course the fight (could you call it that if only you fished out the punches?) didn’t last long with all the heroes at the little kickback in Izuku’s backyard.

Katsuki had to pull you away, his arm like steel across your abdomen as he hauled you off the intern who was now on the floor, bleeding and crying.

You didn’t feel bad. You didn’t feel anything but anger. Now that the threat was gone, you turned that anger towards your boyfriend.

“What the fuck is your problem?”

Katsuki was mad too, and he looked like he had no idea why you just beat up the intern.

The whole thing made you laugh .

“You sicko, you liked having that little girl all up on you? What is she? Barely seventeen?”

You try walking back into the party but Katsuki moved to block you.

“Don’t tell me you got into a fight because of a little flirting from the intern?” Katsuki just knew how to piss you off.

“You fucking knew she was flirting with you in front of me and you did nothing? Wow, real piece of shit you are.” You were beyond livid.

“Enough,” Katsuki ordered but you didn’t want to back down. The drinks in your stomach and the jealousy in your heart wouldn’t let you.

“Let me guess, you’re fucking her?” Katsuki rolled his eyes at your cheap dig.

Much to your annoyance, he was quick in pulling you into his chest and smacking your ass hard, making you jump and hiss in pain.

“Shut the fuck up, you know I only dream of your pussy,” Katsuki mumbled against your closed lips, eager to make you break and kiss him back.

Tears, stupid tears of fear and rejection made your eyes sting but you blinked hard to stop them from falling.

“Oh baby.”

All teasing ceased once he heard you sniffle. Hugging you to his chest, Katsuki placed a brute kiss on your forehead.

“Im sorry, I should’ve said something.” He sighed, swaying your body to help calm you down.

“I don’t like her like that,” he continued. “She was drunk and I was worried she’d fall over and Kirishima just kept talking —,” Katsuki shook his head.

“I didn’t mean for you to get hurt by that.” Katsuki said, softly. “I’m sorry.”

All the high emotions were gone and now you just felt small but Katsuki held you for a bit more as the party continued on like nothing ever happened.

Kissing Katsuki and promising no more fights, you walked hand in hand with him back to where the party was held.

“Go on,” Katsuki was back to teasing and he loved the cringe look on your face as you went to go apologize to the intern. You’d only given her a small bruise on her cheek and she seemed more than happy with all the attention Kirishima was now giving her.

After that awkward conversation and the promise that as long as you kept your distance, she wouldn’t press charges, you returned to your boyfriend.

He was sitting in a lawn chair, sipping on a beer and patted his thigh for you to sit in his lap.

“Crazy bitch,” Katsuki kissed your neck, squeezing you into a hug with his chest to your back. You opened your mouth to argue but Katsuki squeezed you.

“I wouldn’t trade you for anyone else.”

[lavenderapollo]

more things from my production of hamlet that permanently altered my brain chemistry

getting to pick out my own costume, wearing an old peacoat that i eventually took with me to college

all of the tiny details of my costume that nobody but myself noticed

horatio wearing a tiny heart locket because of the whole “heart’s core” thing

horatio fiddling with the necklace while watching the play within a play, while watching the fencing match

our director cut the script to create a deeper relationship between horatio and gertrude while hamlet is away getting captured by pirates

the letter scene

hamlet and horatio reading hamlet’s letter in sync, except hamlet reads “horatio” alone in the beginning and horatio reading “hamlet” alone at the end of the letter

horatio going straight from the letter scene into a conversation with gertrude about ophelia’s health

horatio being in ophelia’s mad scenes, watching her break down and cry, assisting with her wheelchair

gertrude relying on horatio for the truth about hamlet’s whereabouts

horatio staying with gertrude as she dies, then attending to laertes, then finally, to hamlet

our director remind our hamlet to “die center!!!”

hearing the bows music for the first time (the other side by david gray)

wittenberg crew making each other friendship bracelets (r&g had matching “rosie” and “guildy” bracelets, ho&ham had bracelets that read “good night” and “sweet prince” respectively)

making myself a bracelet that said “L + horatio”

THE GRAVEDIGGER SCENE

wearing my peacoat in the final scene, then tearing it off to give to laertes as he’s dying

hamlet holding claudius’ head, forcing him to drink the poison, then finishing him off with a small little nick to the ear, giving claudius a taste of his own medicine

ophelia having one fleeting moment of clarity when she sees laertes, running to hug him

polonia taking an awkward family photo with her kids, chastising them for not smiling enough

(accidentally photobombing those photos during rehearsals)

i mentioned yorick hot potato in the last post, but i didn’t mention that i pulled out a bottle of hand sanitizer after tossing the skull away

the lighting, the set

having to carefully fumble my way offstage once the lights went down, the three times i almost tripped over a foil

and the one time where i actually did

after that they put glow tape on the stage

our set designer crafted an entirely original crest for the hamlet family, using nordic, danish, and even some tolkien characters for inspiration

seeing the set for the first time

our first time staging the death scene

there’s a photo of me in my lil spot by hamlet, surrounded by dead bodies and bathed in red light just kinda going like 😁👍👍

crushing the other teams at shakespeare trivia during our closing night cast party

[tightjeansjavi]

tea party

A/N: after writing chamomile last night and talking with @morallyinept, I realized that I needed to then write Dieter inviting you over to his place for a tea party date! 🥺 p.s. as a fellow midwesterner, we talk about the weather a lot and therefore I decided to poke some fun at us 🤣 and thank you to @itsokbbygrl for betaing 💗

~word count: 2.8k~

Summary: after meeting Dieter Bravo on the Raya app, he invites you over to his house for a tea party date

Pairing | dieter bravo x f!reader

Warnings: general, fluff, language, mentions of ouid, first date jitters and anxiety, overall soft vibes, reader has no physical descriptions, given the nature of my account, everything I write is +18 minors dni!

“Hey, have you ever heard of Dieter Bravo?” You asked your friend over coffee one morning at the BeachWood cafe in the Hollywood Hills.

“Oh! He’s that actor from Cliff Beasts! The last one was a total train wreck. I heard he’s trying to reinvent himself these days.” She took a sip of her latte, leaning back against the chair.

“Oh? Well, he swiped right on Raya. Do you think I should swipe back? He seems kinda…” you paused, tapping your finger against your chin, “prissy?”

She laughed and shook her head with a small smile. “I heard he’s a total diva, but I think he’s rather handsome in an unconventional, scruffy, almost endearing way?”

You pulled your phone out of your purse and opened up the Raya app, tapping a couple times till you pulled up Dieters profile.

Dieter is awaiting your response.

“I like the heart patches in his beard.” You said with a soft giggle and swiped right on his profile.

You and Dieter have matched!

-

You have one new message from Dieter Bravo

Hey! 😚 How do you feel about tea, and tea parties?

Well, at least he’s not starting off with an unsolicited dick pic!

Hey! Nice to meet you, Dieter. I love tea! I’ve actually never been to a proper tea party however :/

Dieter Bravo is typing…

Oh, shit! I’m so sorry, how rude of me to not introduce myself! Sorry, I’m not very experienced with this whole online dating bullshit. Anyway, you’ve never been to a proper tea party?! My dear, you’re missing out! 😝

It’s okay! Honestly, who cares for the formalities anyway? They remind me of small talk, and if there’s one thing that I loathe most in this world, it’s insignificant small talk. 🙄 anyway, I am sorry to say that I have yet to attend a tea party!

Dieter Bravo is typing…

Fucking thank you! Do you know how many times I’ve had to talk about the fucking weather?? It’s California! It’s always hot, and yes, we have smog. Do you want to attend a tea party with me?

Apparently the weather is the only thing that midwesterns talk about! Can you believe that? Although it might just be a rumor, I’ve heard it enough times to believe it. Anyway, I’d love to attend a tea party with you ☺️

He grins down at his phone, pinching his plush lower lip between his left thumb and forefinger. He feels giddy, like a kid in a candy shop. The last time he went on Raya he had the driest conversation with a new and upcoming influencer. What the dick do, Bravo? ;)

What happened to saying hello first?? 🙄

So…that didn’t turn you on? I thought you fucked everything and anything with two legs, lol.

Not today I don’t.

He deleted the app shortly after that and vowed to never download it again. Well, like most of his ‘promises’, that didn’t last very long. And then he stumbled upon your profile, and he thought you were precious; like dewdrops on blades of grass, or the inside of a geode. He knows he’s a bit weird, but your smile is pretty, and he would love to see it in person.

Great! I’ll send you my address and then we can pick a day that works for you! How’s that sound? :)

His house?

Oh, the tea party is at your house? What if you’re a serial killer? Aren’t there like NDA’s that I would have to sign?

He chuffs a laughs at this.

Well, what if you’re a serial killer? Can never be too careful these days! NDA’s? For a tea party? honey, you’re adorable, and should probably lay off on watching reality TV 😉

Shit! You got me there LOL. Already going and foiling my plans?! How dare you! Who said anything about me watching reality TV? ;) I just genuinely assumed that everything needs an NDA.

Jinkies! We got ‘em, scoob! 😆 good question on the whole NDA thing, sweetheart. I guess technically you should sign one, but fuck it! Let’s be rule breakers. Whad’ya think about that?

Oh, he’s charming. A little dorky, but sweet.

I say yes to us being rulebreakers! So, what is the attire for this said tea party? I want to make sure I show up fully prepared and dressed for the event! :)

Dieter Bravo is typing…

Oh, attire? Hmm. I say that you should wear whatever you feel prettiest in, and I’ll do the same! Also, I meant to tell you this earlier in our initial conversation, but you’re gorgeous. xx.

You feel the heat rise to your cheeks as you read over his message a few times till it’s positively ingrained in your brain like a tattoo.

Perfect! And you aren’t too bad yourself, Dieter ;)

He hearts your message before disappearing for a total of 30 minutes due to his agent calling him back regarding a role that he had recently auditioned for.

Hey! Sorry for my radio silence, gumdrop (I can’t just pick one nickname for you, I apologize!) I had to take a call. Anyway, here’s my address and number because this stupid fucking app won’t let me send you this gif that I think you’ll like!

Yes, Dieter Bravo is certainly very charming.

-

Dieter is an erratic texter and he tends to jump around from conversation to conversation. You don’t seem to mind however, because thus far, there hasn’t been a single dull moment in your conversation. You find yourself stupidly smiling at your phone two days before you’re set to finally meet for this tea party. He sent you a selfie while he was out to lunch wearing his signature black rimmed sunglasses. You could tell from the picture alone that he was trying to take a candid shot of himself without making it too obvious.

What a fucking goober.

Hey! Are we still on for Friday? :)

Absolutely! I can’t wait!

When Friday rolls around finally, that’s when the first date jitters come knocking at your door. Dieter told you to wear something that you feel the prettiest in, so you went with a mid length floral dress that had a sweetheart neckline for just the appropriate dip of cleavage. The dress was flirty and fun, and it was that exact energy that you wanted to embody.

Before driving over to Dieter’s you stopped at Trader Joe’s to purchase a bouquet of fresh tulips and a box of lemon frosted cookies.

All morning Dieter had been scrambling in his house to set up for the tea party date. He was a bit of a perfectionist when it came to first dates, and this was no exception. Maybe, however, he should have held off on smoking a bowl. Oh well, too late now.

The weather broadcast did not call for an overcast sky till late in the afternoon, and yet, it was fucking cloudy!

Of course it was.

He moved the tea party set up to his sunroom instead, and by the time he had finally finished setting everything to his standards, you had sent him a text saying you were on the way.

Time to smoke another bowl before I literally shit a fucking brick on the goddamn floor!

Dieter’s home is tucked away in the Hollywood Hills, and when you pulled up to his front gate, you were expecting him to live inside some massive mansion like his neighbors, but Dieter’s home was the opposite. It was actually quite charming from what you could see.

He buzzed you in moments later while he frantically checked his appearance in the hall mirror.

Maybe I should have shaved? God, no. I look awful with no beard. He thinks.

He leans in close to the mirror, his nose nearly bumping into it as he nitpicked his features with a huff.

Maybe I should have gotten a haircut. He cards his fingers through his soft curls before finally deciding that he looks decent.

The first thing you notice about Dieter Bravo is his attire. Well, lack thereof. Compared to your pretty floral dress, Dieter was wearing nothing but a pair of gray boxer briefs, a tawny, sherpa robe, black crocs with socks and the same sunglasses he was wearing the other day.

“Well, don’t you look lovely!” He chirps enthusiastically and remembers to take his hands out of his pockets and wipes his sweaty palms along the outside of his robe. “It’s so wonderful to finally meet you, gumdrop!”

If it were any other man…you probably would have hightailed it back to your car and blocked his number. But Dieter wasn’t like most men that you had talked to. He was a bit of a misfit, but so were you. And that’s the main reason why you weren’t turned away by his attire.

“Hey! You should have told me that the dress code was casual, Dieter!” You jokingly said with a light laugh. “Had I known, I would have shown up in my lounge wear too! Oh, and these are for you. I hope you like tulips!” You nearly thrust the bouquet of tulips and box of lemon cookies into his awaiting hands.

“Flowers? For me? D'aww. You shouldn’t have! Honey, I told ya to wear what you feel prettiest in!” He stifled a chuckle, “and I feel my prettiest in my favorite robe and crocs.”

“Of course they’re for you! I couldn’t just show up here empty handed, Dieter.” You couldn’t help but giggle along with him. “Well, I like your crocs. I think they suit you nicely.”

He blushes under your compliment before taking a whiff from the bouquet, closing his eyes momentarily as he inhales the tulips sweet scent. “Thank you, gumdrop. I love your dress. Looks like it was made just for ya!” He sets the flowers and box of cookies on the nearest surface. “Shall we get this tea party started, my dear?” He rubs his palms along his robe once more.

It’s comforting knowing that he’s just as nervous as you are just based on his gestures.

He offers you his elbow then like the true trash panda gentleman than he is. You wrap your hand around his bicep, holding it gently as he leads you further into his home.

“Originally I had a plan to set everything up outside, but of course the weatherman was fucking wrong, again! So, I hope you’re alright with it being in the sunroom?” He looks over at you expectantly.

“Oh, yeah. The overcast wasn’t expected, but I’m alright with it being set up in the sunroom.” You reassure him with a gentle smile.

“Great!” He clears his throat, “So, I have just about any flavor of tea that your pretty head could imagine. Is there a favorite that you have?” He was this close to engaging in small talk with you, but then he remembered just how much you loathed it.

“You’re an avid tea collector then? Is this a recent hobby or something that you’ve been doing for awhile? And if I had to pick just one flavor, I’d go with vanilla rooibos.”

“A recent hobby. I uh—well,” he stammers, “I’m trying to reinvent myself and develop some healthier habits. I read that drinking certain herbal teas has a lot of health benefits, and then I recently got into thrifting and found the most adorable porcelain tea set!”

You catch the little twinkle in his eyes when he tells you about his porcelain tea set, and it’s adorable. You’re not used to men being so open about their personal hobbies and the things that make them happy. Dieter is truly like a breath of fresh air.

“Hey, I’m all for self-improvement no matter how big or small. Drinking tea does have a lot of health benefits, but I also find it’s just really relaxing, y’know? I love thrifting! You never know what treasures you’re going to find.”

He grins, shaking his head to the side as he bites down on the inside of his cheek. He forgets how nice it is to just have a real conversation with someone.

Maybe I shouldn’t have smoked a bowl before this. Does she know how high I am right now? I hope not.

“Oh, yes, it’s very relaxing.” He nods in agreement and you find yourself standing outside of two French style doors leading into the sunroom. “If my schedule allowed for it, I would go thrifting more.”

With your hand still clasped around his bicep, he pushes open the doors with his freehand and you’re met with the quantiest little setup in the middle of the room. A table in the middle, covered in a light pink tablecloth with two chairs on either side.

In the center of the table is the porcelain teapot Dieter was gushing over moments ago, and two matching porcelain cups. He even set up a little vase of flowers and a candle as well to really set the mood.

“I have a confession to make.” He suddenly says as he pulls out the chair for you.

“Oh? What might that be?”

“This is my first time hosting a tea party.” He lets out a sigh. “So I apologize in advance if it’s not what you’re expecting. I mean, I’ll be honest, I wasn’t expecting you to agree to this in the first place. I’m a bit—well, eccentric? I’ve just grown tired of the usual crowd I’ve hung out with, and I wanna—I wanna make some real connections.” He confesses.

“Well, that makes you and I both newbies then, huh? Dieter, I think we’re all a bit eccentric in our own ways. Honestly, I was just shocked that you didn’t send me an unsolicited dick pic right off the bat because for some fucking reason guys seem to think that’s what women, well, anyone for that matter want to see?”

“Wait, is that what people really do on those apps is send unsolicited dick pics? Fuck. Look, I’m a bit of a whore myself, but I always ask first before sending a dick pic.”

Ah, yes. Dieter Bravo is making sure that chivalry is alive and well, folks!

“Unfortunately that is what people do and then I am forced to go about my day knowing what some random man’s cock looks like! No one wants that visual in their head when they’re at work or out grocery shopping.”

Maybe one day she’ll wanna see my—

He pushes your chair into the table gently and takes the seat across from you, and while pulling his chair in, he bumps the table with his knees, cursing under his breath when the vase of flowers nearly topples over. You’re quick to re-steady it and he whispers a quiet, “thank you.”

Dieter is an enthusiastic storyteller and you're fascinated by his ability to talk so animatedly and with so much passion. Your assumptions lead you to believe that it’s only because he’s an actor, but there’s more to the story. You see a little boy who had big dreams growing up. A boy who was dorky, awkward, and reserved till he got up on stage and his true personality came out. He was a one of a kind enigma. The type of character that you would have to read over a dozen times in order to truly understand who he was.

And when you detected his stuttering and that familiar nervous twitch in his eye, you reached your hand across the expanse of the table and found his hand, entwining your fingers together in a soothing gesture.

Your eyes met and he finally released the breath that he had been holding.

Hope I’m not blowing this entire thing down the shitter already.

“Shall we—umm, have some tea now? Before it gets too cold?” He suggests.

“That would be lovely, Dieter.”

He squeezes your hand gently before reluctantly releasing it from his grasp so that he can hold the teapot steady in his palms.

“You remind me of a frog.” You said out of the blue as he began to carefully pour the tea into the porcelain cup.

“..A what?” He sounds confused and a little surprised.

“Like a tree frog. They’re cute, and well, a little weird, like you.” You tease.

“You think I'm weird?" He chuckles.

"Yeah, but in a really good way."

Neither of you noticed that the tea was dangerously close to spilling over the side of the cup.

"Oh. Well uh…that’s good! I like being weird, and freaky. And creepy. Well, not creepy like a stalker, but creepy like—"

"Dieter?"

"Hmm?"

"The tea!" You exclaim and he finally looks down to see that the cup has completely overflowed with tea dripping down the sides and all over the porcelain saucer.

“Oh, good fucking golly!” He huffs while you sit there in a fit of soft giggles. This may be the quirkiest first date you’ve ever been on, but you wouldn’t change a thing. And for the first time in a long time, you’re excited at the prospect of spending more time with this eccentric man.

banners made by the lovely @saradika 💗

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[the1975attheirverybest]

Education

Lesson #7: Communication is KEY.

A/N: well; you asked for it. It’s here.

Warnings: smut. Also not entirely proof read cuz I wanted to post it today for y’all so…

———

“Amelia?” Matty called out to her from behind the door, resting his forehead against it. “Can I please come in?” He cooed.

He knocked this time, in case she hadn’t heard him, “Amelia, darlin, please let me in.” He listened carefully for a shuffling of feet, any signs of movement at all, but none came. Soon, he began to pace back and forth to alleviate the raging of his heart. “Amelia, please. Open the door- please, I need to know that you’re alright.”

The silence was unbearable. As he paced by the bathroom door, Matty went over the events of the night in his mind, combing through every detail as he remembered it, trying to identify the moment that things went wrong.

He’d spent the entire way to the party wondering if she was going to be there. She’d designed the art work for the album that they were about to celebrate, so he’d hoped that Jamie would’ve had the sense to invite her. It’d gotten difficult to get a hold of her after their last phone call. Which, embarrassingly, he’d been too drunk to remember the details of. He has a vague recollection of talking to her, touching himself, alone, in his hotel bed, listening to her moan on the other end of the phone and wishing that she were eighth there with him. But he doesn’t remember much else. The texts were sparse and far between after that night. She wouldn’t pick up whenever he tried to FaceTime her. He’d written it off as time zone issues. It wouldn’t be the first time that his friendships or relationships were affected by his itinerant lifestyle. As he’d learned the hard way, over the years, nothing beats being in the same room with people. No matter how good distant connection is.

He’d spotted her soon after arriving at the event; seen her standing with a group of people that she doesn’t really like. He knew she was too polite to excuse herself from the conversation, so he figured if he inserted himself into the group, he could help pull her away.

If he was being honest with himself, his escape to LA was anything but effective, he’d thought about her every night while he was there. Even when he met up with his hookup. He was ashamed that he’d close his eyes and think of Amelia every time that another woman touched him. Try to remember what she sounded like. How good she felt wrapped around him the last time that he’d fucked her. How good he felt being with her. It took everything in him not to call out her name in another woman’s bed.

So, of course he’d been eager to finally see her again. But was that so wrong? Is that what hurt her? Was he pushy when he asked her to go into the bathroom with him? Did she not want to? She did hesitate, briefly, but he thought it was just because it was an entirely new thing that she’d never done before. And that was the whole point of their arrangement. He was meant to make her feel safe to try things out and figure out what she liked. Gain confidence to do things with other people. How’d they get from that to here?

Matty slid against the bathroom door crumbling yo the floor. “I just want you to know I’m right here, okay? I’m gonna stay right here. I just- I don’t know how to- I don’t know what to do right now, but I’m still here. I haven’t left you. I’m not going to.”

He ran his hands through his hair, attempting to breathe, deeply, and collect himself. Patience has never been a virtue that he possessed, though. “Oh, fuck this.” He mumbled before standing back up and banging on the door. “Amelia, please! Open this fuckin door! At least make a sound so I know that you’re okay in there. I can’t be out here thinking that- that you’ve hit your head against something and need- need- fuck! open this fuckin door!” He banged on the door repeatedly, more aggressive this time, as his patience wore thin.

His hands hurt from knocking against the door and his chest felt tight with worry. He won’t take this anymore. “Right, that’s it, then. I’m getting something to unlock this door with.”

With a 4 minutes YouTube tutorial, a butter knife, and one of his credit cards, he finally managed to open the door without breaking it.

“Oh, Amelia…” his heart sunk when he saw her, sobbing on the bathroom floor, her whole, naked body shaking. The sight paralyzed him for what felt like an eternity. His worst fear had come true. In trying to protect her from the hurt of the potential ill-intentions and miscommunications of complete strangers, by offering to be the person that she could experiment on, or with, he’d somehow wound up hurting her himself. The worst part is that he had no idea what he’d done wrong.

This moment wasn’t about his self-pity and indulgent guilt, he’d feel his feelings later on. Right now, he needed to be there for her. He ran into the room to grab the first thing he could find — his own shirt— and brought it back to wrap her up in, carrying her in his arms. His heart pounded against his chest, terrified that he’d make a wrong move and fuck this up, even more, so he narrated every single step he took, waiting a moment to give her the chance to object.

“Gonna just put this on you, so you don’t catch a cold…alright?” She said nothing. “I- umm- wanna get off the floor?” Again, nothing. “Well- I’m going to pick you up now, okay? If you want me to stop, just- say…say something.” “Bringing you to bed now, unless- well, unless you want to be sat somewhere else.”

She made no effort to protest or to stop him, so he took that as permission and proceeded, slowly, gently, as lightly as he could. His delicate touch and strong arms were a far cry from what was going through his mind. Matty held her in his arms as she wept into his bare chest. With every breath she took, every sniffle, and every tear drop that fell from her face onto his skin, his heart broke over and over again until he thought it couldn’t possible hurt any worse- and then it did.

When he felt her finally go still, her trembling breath calm and even, he looked down, and saw that she was asleep. Should he be relieved that, at least, she wasn’t crying anymore? Or should he focus on thr fact that, whatever he’d done had caused her to cry her eyes out, literally, to the point where she could no longer keep them open? He didn’t have it in him to move her or disrupt the first moment of peace that she’d had all night. So as his body went numb underneath her weight, he replayed their night in his mind, yet again, silent tears running down his face.

***

It was 3 am when Matty awoke from a dreamless sleep. Amelia was now fully wearing his shirt, all buttoned up, and clinging to his body, her legs intertwined in his, her cheek against his stomach, as she slept. The lights were turned out all the way, so she must’ve woken up at some point and walked around the hotel suite. When he stretched out his arm to feel around for his phone, he felt a water bottle on the nightstand. At least she’d had some water. That’s a good sign. Or was he desperate for anything to convince him that she was alright? Did he not deserve to feel relieved yet? Would he ever? He felt weak looking down at her. He wanted to kiss her forehead, to take her pain away, but he had this unshakable feeling that he’d break her, hurt her, cause her harm, if he ever touched her again.

In the morning, his body felt cold without Amelia pressed up against him. He had one text on his phone. It hurt his eyes to read it before they’d blink away the sleep. Mia ❤️: had to leave for a work thing. I’m okay. Thank you.

This was the worst news that he could’ve woken up to. He slammed his head harshly against the pillow, a loud cry tore through his chest.

***

“Matty?” Adam stood in the doorway, smiling, as he watched Matty sprawled out on the floor, arranging his son’s toys in some sort of circle, mumbling to the kid as if they were engaged in a serious conversation. “It’s been a while, what’re you two up to?” Adam walked over to them.”

“We’re creating toy rankings” Matty said matter-of-factly. “You know, like the Premier League tables?”

Adam giggled, Shaking his head. “Okay; I know the baby can’t be THAT entertaining and I’m his dad. So, who or what are you hiding out here from? And why couldn’t you do it at your own house?”

Matty glanced at Adam briefly before returning his attention to the army of toys. “Not hiding.”

“It’s Amelia, isn’t it?” Adam sighed loudly, joining Matty on the floor and instantly taking his son into his lap. “What’ve you done this time?”

Matty ceased his fiddling, cocking his head in shame. “I- erm…I- maybe didn’t pay attention when I should have.” Saying it out loud began to help piece together the situation in his head. “She- was trying to let me know that- that she wasn’t alright. I completely missed it.”

“Don’t sound much like you.” Despite Adam’s concern, he put on a cheerful demeanor to keep his boy happy. The contrast between his face and his words gave the conversation an eerie feel. Marty found it mildly distressing, if fatherly and admirable.

“I know. I fucked things up. Badly.”

“Well, have you apologized to her?”

“I- I want to. I just….can’t look her in the eye. And…..well, if that’s how I feel - Can’t imagine how she must feel.”

Adam said nothing for a long moment. When he spoke again, Matty hadn’t expected him to still be on that train of thought. “Let me ask you this: do you and Amelia ever just….hang out?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, like, not for sex. Just- for the sake of hanging out.”

Matty rolled his eyes, insulted by the implications of the question. “Of course we do. All the fuckin time. We went to see a film not too long ago, and, she came to see the set when we were working on the designs for tour. She stayed at mine one night cuz she was too drunk to go home…..” Matty paused, catching his breath, “do you need the dates and times as well? The fuck is ‘do you hang out?’ What kind of question is that!”

“Matty,” Adam looked him straight in the eyes, noting that, by his defensiveness, Adam must’ve hit upon a sore subject. “this all happened before the two of you started….well, fucking. Have you spent any time together as friends since then?”

Matty’s lips instantly parted, he was about to respond with “of course we have! What a ridiculous thing to ask!!” But, as he thought about it, he realized that Adam was right. He and Amelia were no longer really friends. His expression shifted from offended to embarrassed.

“It’s not like you’re incapable of maintaining the friendship.” Adam consoled him. “You’ve slept with friends of yours and kept them as friends before. So, why won’t you do it with Amelia?”

“I-I don’t know. It’s not on purpose. The time has just not been right recently. It’s just the way things have been going. I’ve just been busy. You know this. Band stuff.”

“So you have time to fuck her, but you don’t have time to hang out with her?”

Matty winced unable to bare hearing that about himself. “Well, not when you put it like that….She came to me and asked for this! We made an agreement- it’s not like that! You’re making me sound like a fuckin creep.”

“Go.” Adam nodded towards the door. “Go on, go apologize to her. I gotta get this little man ready for bedtime, anyway. Uncle Matty’s gotta go.”

***

Amelia was stunned when she answered the door, “Matty, what are you-“

“May I come in?” He spoke too quickly, nerves taking over him.

It was late. Plus, Matty never came over unannounced. So, with some confusion and concern, she let him in.

“What’s all this?” She pointed to the bags in his hands.

“We’ll get to that in a minute.” He waved her question away, his eyes scanning the apartment that he’s been to countless times before, with new found novelty. Anything to avoid eye contact. “Wanted to- erm…” he stuttered, still looking around. “how- how’re you feeling? You know, af-after the other night?” Matty stumbled over his words. He’d imagined this conversation going differently in his head. He’d even practiced his words on the way over here. But now that he was standing in front of her, certainty and practiced delicacy had left him. He was terrified. “You left before we could talk…”

Amelia led the way to the kitchen, with Matty trailing sheepishly behind her. She helped him set down the bags l in the kitchen while she considered his question. The answer was too complicated. She shrugged. “I’m okay….I think? I don’t know. I don’t know how I’m feeling. One minute I’m fine, and the next….” She was surprised to feel herself get so emotional so quickly.

All Matty could think was. you did this. You hurt her. You’re the reason she feels this way. He wanted to pick up one of her kitchen knives off the counter and pierce it through his own heart.

“Let- let’s sit down somewhere? Is that alright?”

Amelia’s brows furrowed. It wasn’t like him to be so uncertain. “Sure.”

In the living room, the sat on opposite ends of the same couch, Matty nervously fiddling with the sleeve of his jacket. “So- I think….I think I know how you’re feeling and why it happened. Would you like to hear it?” He looked up at her, briefly.

She smiled nervously. “Sure- I mean, any ideas would be better than no ideas.”

“I think, well, I think we pushed you too far in the bathroom. I was a bit more aggressive than normal.” Matty’s voice got caught in his throat, so he paused, collecting himself. He was determined not to make this about himself and his feelings. He mustn’t speak unless he’s sure that he can control his tone.

“Y-yeah. I mean, I guess? The- umm, hair pulling, and the whole bending over thing…you being demanding. We’d never done any of that before.”

Matty nodded, “go-go on. It’s good. It’s good to hear you say these things.”

“Not sure what else to say.” She shrugged. “I mean, I liked it. All of it. It was just…a shock. Like, too many new things at the same time, you know?”

“Mhm…keep- keep going.” Matty was positively trembling.

“Ummm….I don’t know. That’s it I guess? It was just overwhelming for a moment. But for some reason it made things better. Like- when you told me to fade away from you and bend over? At first- I panicked-“

“Can I ask why?” His eyes shot up, meeting hers.

“Oh, gosh. This is embarrassing.” She mumbled under her breath. “Cuz- cuz I couldn’t see you. I like seeing your face. I like being able to tell that you were happy with me. That I was doing what you wanted me to do.” Her face turning read, she smiled. “But- the panic, it made the orgasm even better. I didn’t hate it, necessarily….it was just…a lot.”

Matty was tongue tied, his thoughts spiraling. He couldn’t find a beginning or an end to anchor himself to.

“Matty? Are you with me?” Amelia attempted to meet his gaze. “Honestly, I mean it! It didn’t hurt or feel unpleasant. I just-“

“Yeah, well, we’ve talked about this happening in theory.” Matty finally regained his footing. “Remember when I told you to read some shit about ‘subspace’ ? I think…..the excitement, the pain, the pleasure, the anxiety- perfect storm. A cocktail of Adrenalin and endorphins to push you over the edge.”

“Oh.”

“Would explain the sudden inability to speak…the overly emotional state, the….eagerness to do more.” Matty listed all the indications that he recalled her showing.

“Can I ask….Is that- umm….would it also happen to be why everything felt so…strong? Like lights and noises and stuff?”

Matty’s heart ached in his chest. He was sure that kitchen knife stab would be easier to take than this. “Fuck me…..yes, yes it would explain that as well.” He closed his eyes, willing the tears to stay where they are. “Anyway, so, I think, all of that, then throwing that new restrained position on you…demanding that you get me off…it may have been a mistake.” He ran a hand through his hair. “Not ‘may.’ It was a mistake. Definitely. It was my mistake. And I’m- I’m sorry.”

Amelia didn’t know how to feel about this new revelation. She was glad to have an explanation for how her body and her mind had felt, not to feel so helpless over her emotions, but she had no idea what to make of any of it.

“It gets worse.” Matty confessed. “Once you’d safe-worded, i- I should’ve done more. Been better. Taken better care of you.”

“Oh. No…matty you did good. I felt okay. I mean, not really, I was feeling entirely disconnected from my body, but-“

“Yeah that’d be the subspace psychology…”

“Like afterwards. I felt okay waking up the next morning. Just….confused and embarrassed.”

Matty laughed. “So…not okay.”

She smiled at him, “it’s really not that bad, looking back on it now…”

“I was scared. I owed you better. But I was scared that I’d hurt you. I suppose I- didn’t want to admit to myself that I’d missed all the signs. Let it get to a point where you had to tap out. And we hadn’t umm….we hadn’t made a real plan for what happens if you do tap out. I mean, we have our aftercare routine for afterwards….but, I should’ve anticipated that we’d both be in a completely different headspace if we stopped suddenly.” He shrugged. “I got lazy on you.”

“Matty-“

“I did! It’s true. I got complacent. Comfortable. Things were going so well that I didn’t think anything bad could ever happen between us. So- so I was less prepared!!! Even though im always on you about always being prepared. And speaking up. Fuck- what a hypocrite.”

“Matty, don’t say that!”

“I’ve failed you. And I’m so, so, sorry, Amelia.” Matty finally burst into tears. But it didn’t feel enough. He wanted to get on his knees and beg, bow down to her and tell her how much she didn’t deserve his negligence. How much he wishes it were the other way around.

Allowing himself a moment of release, Matty quickly wiped the tears from his eyes and jumped to his feet. “Anyway, erm….the bags in the kitchen. I- I brought some things that we could- I mean, if you’d allow me- and I completely understand if you’d rather not- to make it up to you….take care of you the way that I should have that night. I’ve bought some things. So we could see what you might like to have on hand for emergencies like that. That is….uhhh- if, of course, you’d ever let me touch you again.”

Amelia smiled. “Yeah, I’d like that very much.”

***

“Okay, and then…once you’re calm, well, I guess I’d wanna check for injuries or something.” Matty was running down a new checklist he’d created to ensure that not a single detail is ever lost on him again. “But, since, I’m days later now, and we didn’t use anything that could hurt you….I’ve drawn you a bath, so, if you’d go in there, and- You enjoy that while I get you some food and water.”

“You’d leave me?” Amelia’s voice sounded needier than she’d intended. “By myself?”

Matty was stumped. It was a good thing they were running this rehearsal. “I- erm…had assumed that you’d want some space.”

She shook her head passionately. “No, no! Not at all. All I wanted, that whole night, was you.”

Matty stood there, blinking rapidly, staring at her face. “Okay, then. I’ll sit by the bathtub? Keep you company…”

She stepped forward, hesitantly, decreasing the space between them. “Please get into the bath? With me?” Matty could tell, by the blushing in her face, that this wasn’t easy for her either. “Want you to hold me, please?”

Matty nodded, silently, and began to undress.

***

“Here, you can uhhh…you can have this to wear.”

Amelia looked down at his extended arm and the t shirt that he was offering, chuckling heartily. It was that old ragged brown t shirt that was not so oversized when he’d first bought it. “You love that horrific thing. It’s like your favorite, for some reason.”

“Yes, and you hate it, but it is my favorite, so….now, it’s yours. You know, to wear on days like that. For- I don’t know. Comfort? Not to be so presumptuous as-“

“Shut up and hand it over before I set it on fire or something.”

***

In bed, Matty wrapped his strong, thick arms around her, squeezing her tight, breathing in her hair. She held onto his bicep, her hand tiny in comparison, stroking his arm, up and down, running her fingers over his tattoos. This, she thought to herself, must be the safest place on earth.

With considerable effort, Amelia wiggled within Matty’s tight grip, turning around so she was face to face with him, wrapping her arms around his neck, and pulling herself closer to kiss him. For the first time ever, Matty was stiff to her touch, his lips passive. It wasn’t long before he pulled away, slightly.

“Amelia- what….we shouldn’t.” He whispered despite them being completely alone.

“Matty, please?”

“I don’t want to hurt you again.”

“You’re not going to.”

“It’d be wrong. To- to take advantage. You’re vulnerable right now, and-“

“So are you.” She placed a kiss to his cheek, smiling faintly as she watched his face grow red.

“It’s my job to protect you- we agreed, I’d be a safe trial. I-“

“Please, I need you. I didn’t get to make you feel good last time. Please? Don’t want you to get into the habit of treating me like glass, I’d hate that.”

When he said nothing in return, she kissed him again, and this time, he kissed her back, his arms easing their grip on her, hands lowering to grab her bum. She moaned softly, smiling against his lips.

Matty hovered over her, now naked, body dipping his head to leave gentle kisses all over her.

“Stunning, you are.” He kissed the space between her breasts; her eyes fluttered shut. “Perfect.” He kissed her a little lower this time. “Gorgeous.” He was halfway to her belly button. Her hands naturally moved to hold his curls between them, her breathing quick and shallow, more desperate the closer that he got to her core.

“So good for me,” he mumbled against her skin, his breath raising goosebumps all over her, which did not go unnoticed by Matty.

He grinned, reveling in his power over her body. “Gonna make you feel so good, darlin,’ I promise.”

“Oh, Matty…” she whined, “please do.” Her neck strained against the pillow; her entire body jolting when she felt Matty’s mouth, suddenly, at her clit. “Fuckkk! Yeah….”

Matty growled, smiling to himself. He forbade his other senses from feeling anything but her. His eyes shut, his ears focused only on her melodious sounds. A zealous worshipper, every breath he drew was all her, taking breaks only to kiss and nib the insides of her thighs, his armpinning her down, firmly, as she writhed and shook. Not even her reflexive pulls at his hair could deter him. He was determined to give all of himself to her.

“Sorry, erm…” he smiled, shyly. “Condom.”

She felt his sudden absence sorely, whining out and calling for him to hurry back.

“I know, I know. Sorry, love.”

She heard him wince and shuffle onto the bed and knew that he was back.

“You ready for me?”

“Mhm, please, please, I need you.”

Matty had to restrain himself from instantly pulling her into his arms to ravage his insatiable lust for her, reminding himself that he wanted this to be gentle, soft, precise, slow.

She felt the slow pressure and opened her eyes to watch him throw his head back in pleasure, a long and drawn out moan leaving his lips.

“Fuuuuckkk mee- Amelia. So, fffuckin good. So tight.”

Matty’s chest rose and fell rapidly as he began to thrust into her, soon finding his rhythm. Once he’d given himself a moment to adjust, his finger was back on her clit, gently stroking it the way he knows she needed.

“Ohhh my god, Matty…” she whimpered.

“I know, my love. I’ve got you.” He leaned forward, taking her hands in his and intertwining their fingers together. He laid on top of her, his chest pressed into hers with the full weight of his body.

“You feel s-so good.” He cried out, the overwhelming pleasure bringing tears to her eyes.

Matty kissing and sucking at the skin underneath her ear put her over the edge. She gasped, incoherently repeating “I- I’m gonna- cum…but it’s - it’s too much.”

“It’s okay, it’s okay. I’ve got you, darlin. Let go, it’s gonna feel g- oh my god- good.”

He felt both her hands squeeze his tightly and knew that she wouldn’t hold on much longer.

With a loud cry of his name, she gasped sweetly into his ear, and he felt her clench and gush around him, trembling as she came undone.

Matty himself couldn’t hold on for much either, her squeezing him tightly through her orgasm, sent his own waves of pleasure on the heels of hers, his head falling to her shoulder, he moaned softly, his eyelashes tickling her skin.

Matty thought he’d heard her whisper “I love you” into his ear as the rush of excitement flooded his mind.

***

Neither of them had the heart to be the one to pull away first, so they remained in that intermingled state, basking in the afterglow of that release, nothing but the hot air, and their rapid breathing mellowing out, in the room around them.

Amelia swallowed harshly, her mouth feeling dry even as her body glistened with hers and Matty’s sweat.

“I love you.” She said more clearly this time.

He couldn’t have mistaken her words this time. And if he had any doubt at all, the feeling of her heart beating furiously against his, after it had just calmed down, was unmistakable.

Matty remained perfectly still, his mind blank. It was it racing so quickly that it was impossible to hold onto any thought? He couldn’t tell the difference.

“Matty? I love you.” Amelia spoke again, helpless to stop herself. Now that it was spilling out of her, it was as if the floodgates had opened. She loves him. She loves him. She loves him….

[mrslankyman]

You’re Losing Me

Mike Schmidt x (fem) Reader

!not proof read!

you say

“I don’t understand.”

And I say

“I know you don’t.”

No cure was going to come to the relationship. No amount of flowers, i’m sorries and kisses would fix this. He never was around. Why should you stay?

He was losing you slowly.

He didn’t even notice at first. Nor did you. It felt fine. He always went to work. He was gone for so long. When he was home he was asleep. Your work schedule and his didn’t line up.

Abby and you hung out more. She was almost like a daughter. You had been dating Mike for 4 years. You’d take Abby to school go to work and then pick her up on your lunch. Rushing back to work after Max showed up.

At first Mike sleeping and trying to save his brother didn’t bother you. He was after all in a hard spot.

You’d gently get into bed. Feeling his arms wrap around you. Pulling you close. A small smile came to your face.

He loved you.

Didn’t he?

Those feelings. Thoughts. Doubts.

Why didn’t he say he loved you?

You couldn’t recall the last time you and Mike even had a conversation. That wasn’t short and simple.

You’d feel his arms slip away from you at 11. He got ready for work and headed out. The rest of the night you’d be alone. Softly crying. Before he got fired from his mall job he was home more.

He’d help cook dinner, play with you and Abby. You knew he had a hard life. He was struggling. Who wouldn’t?

But a small ‘I love you’ wasn’t asking for much. A small kiss on the cheek before he left for work, even if he thought you were asleep. Wouldn’t that be simple?

Today was the breaking point. It was your birthday. It was marked on the calendar in the kitchen. Abby had even mentioned it for the whole week.

You told Mike about the small party that was going to happen at your friends house. You took Abby over. Mike said he’d be there at 5. He had plenty of time to get there. It started at 3. He just wanted to sleep a little.

You understood and told him you’d see him there.

Hannah didn’t understand why he didn’t show up. You were the best thing at this party. It was about you. Why didn’t he come? It was your birthday. 5 passed by. 5:30 still no show. 7.. then 9.. then Abby fell asleep on the couch.

To fake smile and laugh was hard. Your heart ached. Why didn’t he come? It was your birthday. He knew about it. He was more than likely going to say he forgot.

You bid everyone goodbye and took your presents to the car. As well as Abby. At least she had fun. You drove home. Gently laying Abby down in her bed and tucking her in. Whispering good night before leaving her room.

You walked to you and Mikes shared room. You laid down gently. He usually felt you lay down and wrapped his arms around you.

He didn’t tonight.

He was losing you.

Why didn’t he act like he cared? He used to.

You let it go. You didn’t mention it. Afraid of his reply. Afraid you’d lash out at him and say things you didn’t mean.

You decided to just glare at him every morning.

Storms clouded your eyes as he got ready for work. He never noticed. No amount of signs got to him. He didn’t get what he was doing was hurting you.

When he did one night come home and walk up to you it shocked you.

He wrapped his arms around you. Pulling you close. The smell of his cologne clogged your nose. The warm feeling of his body engulfed you.

But there was no pulse for him.. no heart racing feeling as he touched you.

Your face was pale. He never did admit you looked sick. He must not remember how red your face got anytime he hugged or touched you. Even in 4 years he still had that effect. Not anymore.

“I love you.” His words bounced off you like a bullet bouncing off a shield. You didn’t even say it back. You just glared at him. Abby was in her room coloring. You didn’t want her to hear you two fight.

So you didn’t say anything. You just walked off to the kitchen. He stood there. Confused. Why didn’t you say it back?

He went back to ignoring you. He always did. Why try to change the ending you knew was coming?

Saturday finally showed. One of the days you got to see him. And even on those days he’d sleep or just say he wants to be alone. He never used to do this till he got this new job. It’s been 5 months. What was up?

Abby had gone to a friends. The air was thick with loss and indecisions. Why was it to so hard to talk to him now? He felt like a stranger.

You gently walked down the hall to your shared room. Opening the door you walked up to him. Pushing his head phones off his head slowly. His eyes opened and he looked at you.

Annoyance was apparent in his eyes. “What?” He asked his voice gruffy. “I just.. we need to talk Mike.” You pleaded. He simply sat up and sighed. “About what?” He looked straight through you. It’s like he didn’t even know you were there.

Like you were a burden to him.

“What is up with you?” You voice was shaky. It was too late. You were broken.

“What do you mean?” He didn’t get it. He didn’t understand why you were acting like this.

“Why do you ignore me Mike? Why can’t you just talk to me? Really talk to me?” It was over. Tears flowed down your face.

“You need to choose something..”

“Babe..” his voice interrupted you

“I got nothing to believe anymore, unless you’re choosing me.”

“I.. I want to choose you. Work is a lot and you know that I have a lot of things going on-“

“Just stop..” your voice cut through him. He saw the look on your face. It was over. He could tell. How couldn’t he tell sooner?

“You’ve already lost me Mike.. I’m.. I can’t do this.” It slashed his heart into two. You know what they say. You don’t know what you got until it’s gone.

“I don’t understand Y/N.” He stood up quickly.

“I know you don’t..” You walked down the hall. You’d stay at your moms for a while. She’d understand. She knew how it was going anyways.

It was getting too much. He rushed down the hall after you. Begging and pleading you to stay.

You didn’t want to.

4 years of your life. You have to him. Giving him all your empathy and best you’s. Trying to make his life better.

He was destined to be miserable in his own world.

The thoughts you used to have. Marrying him. Being his wife. Buying a better house. Giving Abby the future she deserved. Was over.

You’d miss Abby. So terribly much. It hurt you more to think of her than Mike.

He didn’t understand he was losing you.

You just wanted him to see you again. To love you truly again.

“Y/N.” You stopped at your car. Wiping the tears from your eyes. He stood there at the door. And in a moment he rushed to you.

Grabbing you and pulling you close. He couldn’t lose you. He wouldn’t let you go.

“I’ll do better, please don’t leave. I need you. I need you in my life.. I’ll find a new job. I wanna talk now.” His voice filled your ears. Made your heart start again.

A pulse.

“I.. okay Mike.. I’ll give this one more chance..” he smiled and kissed you softly. You never knew such a soft kiss could display such emotions.

You worked on it. Wanting to keep this family going. He got a new job. It wasn’t the best but a day shift was better than nothing.

You vowed to always be his.

Because you both survived the Great War.

[lovebittenbyevans]

See No Shame | Part 2

Summary: You and Nanami were only seeing each other for three months. You eventually wanted more but of course they always say “don’t be someone second choice” in a man life.

Pairing: Billionaire! Nanami Kento x Female Reader

Warnings: cursed words

Author note: second part of this mini-series is here! I like writing for this. If you like you can reblog, comment but enjoy reading!

Part 2

Three months went by fast when you used to be around Nanami a lot. You didn’t care what he did and how rich he was at all. You just wanted to be around him all the time but now everything changes between you and him.

Sometimes you can't bring yourself to cry about him anymore even though your heart still beats for him. You tried to avoid him after he didn’t want to deal with you like that anymore but he only calls or texts you when she is not around.

For the past few weeks you only took shifts at the library when you thought it was necessary. You didn’t want to face Nanami again and cry about him some more.

You were trying so hard to get over he doesn’t feel the same about you but Tiffany kept sending you articles about him with Ariel nonstop. Of course Tiffany would send you a whole text message about how Ariel isn’t shit at all. You would laugh at anything she sends you with a comment.

Ignoring Nanami calls and text messages is all you have been doing for the last few days. You couldn’t bring yourself to cry about him anymore. You are regretting going to Yu Haibara party since he is Nanami's best friend.

You placed the gift you got for him on the table with a bunch of other gifts. “Don’t look now but Nanami is here with Ariel.” Tiffany whispers next to you.

You sigh and roll your eyes. “It seems like they came matching tonight.” She whispers to you again.

Fucking great

It shouldn’t be a surprise for you that Nanami was here at all. Yu and Nanami have always been close since their high school days. They always say fake it until you make it.

You made your way to the other side of the room as Tiffany followed right behind you. You greeted some people you knew but didn’t chat with them for long. You pour yourself some champagne into a tall clear glass cup as you hear a voice behind you. “Y/N and Tiffany.”

That whiny and flat voice, you only heard three times. “Ariel.” You gave Tiffany her tall clear glass cup as you turned around with a fake smile on your face.

“Wow, small world.” Tiffany clears her throat and takes a sip of her drink.

Ariel looks stunning wearing a purple body-con dress that shows her curves. You thought she was dressed up going to a club.

Ariel grabs tall clear glass from one of the butler’s who was handing them out on a tray. “How are you, Y/N?” She takes a swig of her drink.

“I’m good.” The only thing you said to her.

Tiffany jumps right in the conversation. “I’m good too. Work is killing me.”

Everyday you thank god for Tiffany because you have no idea where you would be without her.

You excuse yourself and walk around the place. You had to admit Yu always knew how to throw a party. You stop to admire one of the paintings on the wall when a raspy voice can be heard behind you. “Hello, Y/N.”

Suddenly your heart was racing fast as fuck.

Shit, Shit

“Yu, got that painting of his beautiful mom for Mother’s Day three years ago.” He says standing next to you.

You take another sip of your drink before speaking. “Hi and it’s beautiful.”

Nanami nods, placing both of his hands behind his back. “Hmm, I also want to say I–” You interrupted him as you locked eyes with him. “Don’t apologize. I am happy for you and Ariel.”

Fuck! It hurts for you to say that

A piece of your heart felt like it was being ripped apart again. You told yourself you had to say it in order to move on from him. You let out a breath while feeling a lump in your throat.

“Um. Thanks.” He muttered.

You squeezed his shoulder. “Happy looks good on you Nan.” You look at him again before making your way back to Tiffany.

You truly need to stop lying to yourself for once. For now you feel like a complete idiot when you know you didn’t mean those words to him.

You cough getting her attention, setting your empty tall glass down on the table. “I want to leave.” You hate the way you are feeling right now.

“Y/N, don’t take her away from me.” Gojo pouts while squeezing her cheeks with his palm.

You scoff and shake your head. “Nice to see you too, Gojo.” Sometimes you can't stand Gojo at all. He acts like a child half the time.

Tiffany gave him a kiss on the cheeks and followed right behind you out the front door. “What’s wrong? What did Nanami do? Is it Ariel?”

You let out a loud whine and start rambling. “I told him I was happy for his relationship.”

Tiffany smacks your arm playfully. “Now, why would you tell him that lie? We both know you are not over that man.”

You sigh. “I know. I know.”

She embraced you with a hug and rubs your back gently. “Look, I love you but you need to stop running away from him. Fuck Ariel.” She continues. “He doesn’t deserve you and he still can’t see it.”

You stood there listening to her as she pulled away from you. “Y/N, learn to feel your feelings then eventually brush it off.” Her eyes focused on you.

You understand what she was saying but it is hard for you to do that. You never saw yourself brushing off the feelings you have for this man. Your heart still beats for him and that’s scary.

“Oh my god.” You felt completely sick.

Tiffany hates seeing you like this over someone who just ended things with you three months ago. She never saw you act like this over guy before.

She opened her mouth to comment when you felt your phone vibrate against the pocket of your black jeans. You pull your phone out and a text message from Nanami on the screen.

Nanami: I don’t want you out of my life, Y/N

Nanami: I love you

Your eyes widened, those three words shocked you completely.

Is he serious?

“What happened?” Tiffany asked.

You turn your phone off and put it back in your black jeans pocket. “You can stay. I’ll just go home by myself.” You take the car keys out of her purse.

Tiffany gave you a side eye glance. “You sure?” She can see right through you that there was something you aren’t telling her.

“Yeah, tell gojo to take you home. I want to take a walk first.” You gave her a hug and then began walking down the block.

Taking your phone out of your pocket, you continue walking while rereading Nanami messages a couple of times. You notice three dots appear for a second and then he sends another message.

Nanami: let’s talk soon, I want to take you somewhere ❤️