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wenellyb · 3 years

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Is Sambucky Canon or Not?

TL;DR: Yes, it is

I've seen some people saying that they only see friendship between Sam and Bucky, and I can understand that. Because depending on your education, the environment you grew up and the kind of media you’re usually exposed to, you will have a different interpretation of different situations, in real life or in TV. Just let me insert a short story before I dive into the Sambucky topic:

My best friend's uncle is in his fifties and has been living with his roommate (a man) for more than 10 years. They lived together, went on holidays together but officially were just roommates. My best friend wondered if they were a couple, but never talked about it to her parents because it wasn't her business. Two years ago, they decided to come out and get married. My best friend's parents and his parents were genuinely surprised, they were not expecting that, at all, not even a little bit. Let me tell you that it didn’t even cross their mind that it was a possibility, at all. For them, it had always just been two men who had decided to live together because they were single. And preferred to have a roommate rather than living alone.

What I want to say with this story is that people will see what they want to see, or what they're used to see, or what they were raised to see. It’s human.

What I mean is that you will have different perception of a same event, depending on your own circumstances. And I think the writers of TFATWS were counting on that a little bit when it came to Sam and Bucky’s relationship. They obviously didn't want to make some big announcement or big love declaration.

And yes, of course, I have my own circumstances as well, influencing the way I see things. I have shipped SamBucky since Civil War, when they were supposedly enemies. I never expected anything to happen between them on screen. But then they got a show together and I was so so happy about it but I didn't expect anything other than friendship between them.

I was perfectly fine with that because a show was already more than enough: my man Sam Wilson was becoming Captain America, the show was great, the characters were great, their interactions were great, and this wasn't a love story anyway but a superhero show. I thought that here was no way the showrunners would ever go there. I changed my mind after episode 5. I tried to stay objective, but it was clear to me that the writers were hinting at a relationship that went beyond friendship between Sam and Bucky. In some of my previous posts, I explained that there are some scenes and writing choices that make absolutely no sense if you read them as a scene between two friends. I can link them if anyone’s interested.

Side note: I would like to know if one person on this website can tell me what was up with Bucky's behavior with Torres (in episode 5)? What other explanation is there, if not jealousy? It's a scene they chose to keep, so it was probably written this way, there must be a reason. Please I’m begging someone explain it to me. I'm genuinely asking, because otherwise that scene alone is canon Sambucky.

After episode 5, I was convinced they would make Sambucky canon, one way or the other and I started speculating about the ways they could do it. What I said was that if they did make Sambucky canon, they would do it in a very subtle way, in order not to make it too obvious because that’s generally how Marvel movies deal with love stories. And also because they wouldn’t want to scare away their homophobic audience ( I guess Disney needs their money...who knows)

So here are the scenes of how I imagined SamBucky becoming canon and the comparison with reality:

- What I thought we could get : AJ and Cass calling Bucky "Uncle Bucky" - What we got: AJ and Cass running up to Bucky and playing with him. This point is interesting because it’s also related to the point I made about how the environment you grew up in influences your perception of things. I grew up in a big family and I know that, at least in my family, kids don't run up to an adult like that just because it's their uncle’s friend or just because he's nice... There's a real bond there. They haven't seen Bucky just that one time when he slept on the couch. They're obviously close. But some people might just see this as kids being kids. Also, if you watch at how the kids were fake punching him, they were really coordinated with Bucky. They have done this plenty of times. 2.

What I thought we could see: A non-explicit scene where we were supposed to draw our own conclusions. I thought they could show us Bucky staying over for the night, and the last scene would be an empty couch, meaning we would have to understand that Bucky slept in Sam's room this time.

-What we got: Bucky arriving in Sam's car ( A few people on Tumblr pointed out that it was the car Sam was driving in episode 1) So here again we have a scene that a lot of people will not notice. But they still chose to put it there. 3.

What I thought could happen: Sam asking Bucky to stay in Delacroix

What we got: Bucky wrapping things up in New York, as if he was leaving the city for good and coming to Sam's party as if he already knew everyone there. You can read my take on this here. 4. What I thought could happen: The scene in the trailer where we see them looking in the same direction and then we get a shot from very far away where they're holding hands but it’s not so obvious because they are being filmed from a disctance. -What we got: The scene in trailer and then a blurry shot of Sam holding Bucky and then fondling with his neck to find the best spot to rest his hand on. So none of the scenes I was imagining happened exactly like I had imagined, but it felt like all of them happened but in a different versions, which is still crazy to me. If it had been only one scene. I could probably understand the people who see them as just friends. Actually, I still do understand the people who see them as just friends, because everyone has their own interpretation. What I am saying is that they are NOT being portrayed as just friends. There are TOO many scenes in the 6 episodes for it to be a coincidence. One or 2 would be ok but friendship doesn’t explain everything:

The therapy scene (not the therapy scene itself since it was improvised) but the therapist saying she had heard a lot about Sam and wanting them to do a couples’ therapy

Bucky following Sam no matter what

Sam saying ok as soon as Bucky says "do it for me"

Sam asking "what about Bucky?"

Bucky starting to touch Sam whenever he has the chance

Bucky being the one to bringing the suit for Sam

The boat repairing montage

Bucky wanting to stay at Sam's place, when a hotel room would have been more comfortable than a couch

The second day of boat repair in closed quarters with an intense staring scene.

And there are so many other scenes, soft touches, looks,...

These writing choices are not a coincidence, it’s not involuntary, and it’s not fan service ( Fan service is the roll in the flower field scene, or the therapy session). This is them telling a story.

Let’s not even talk about the scenes in Endgame:

Sam comforting bucky at Tony’s funeral

Sam looking up to Bucky for approval before accepting the shield from Steve.

So yes, Sam and Bucky are canon in the sense that Peter and Gamora were canon in the first movie, or Wanda and Vision were canon in Captain Civil War. Meaning that there was no big moment, kiss or anything, but the show is consistently throwing elements clearly showing Sam and Bucky as a romantic item and hinting at a lot more than friendship between them.

It is normal that some people have a different opinion. Because it is extremely rare, in big productions like this to have two male leads with romantic feelings towards each other, so not a lot people who see it will interpret it as such (I don't think it ever happened). You’ll see what you’re used to seeing.

I guess it also depends on what you expect from a love story. For me, the storyline between the characters, their scenes, their chemistry, the way their feelings towards each other are described, are the most important. The kiss scene is just there as a bonus, but I don't need it when the love story is told perfectly. If you’re used to seeing love stories with many kissing scenes, that’s what you will be expecting to see in most love stories.

If you're only used to seeing male friendships in superhero or action movies. The 1000th time you see men interacting in that type of movie or show, you are more likely to assume it is a friendship and nothing more, no matter how many codes and tropes usually associated with romantic movies, the writers and show makers are using.

Add to that the conviction that Disney would never approve Sambucky in a million years, and there you go, I can understand the people who see only friendship.

But, just think about it, if we had the same show, same scenes, same dialogues, but minus the action scenes and the project was being marketed as an Indie movie, would you think they were just friends or a blossoming couple?

If you read Sambucky’s relationship like a friendship: some scenes don't make sense. If you read it like a developing romantic relationship: it all makes sense. "When you hear hoofs, think horse, not zebra" If a writer or a film director chooses a last scene with a romantic setting and the two leads are staring at a sunset, smiling repeatedly at each other and then walking away together with one of them touching the other's neck, with a love song in the background, maybe friendship isn't the first thought they had in mind.

Some people may say “I see them as just friends” and other people may say “ I see them as lovers” and both are fine, because people have different perceptions, and that’s ok.

What I am saying is this post is that the show and the writers are portraying them as more than just friends, they’re portraying them as two characters who are romantically involved.

Perceive what you want but that’s how they are being presented in the show.

Bucky’s therapist said that the exercise she gave them was for couples who want to figure out what kind of life they want to build together. Then, the show ends with Sam and Bucky, staring at a sunset together, looking in the same direction.

“Love does not consist in gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction. “ - Antoine de Saint-Exupery

What else do you need???

This show had more romance than half of the Marvel projects out there. Not every love story needs a kiss (for now...)

We'll see in their next projects which direction the writers want to go with this. But since it was said that the writer on the movie is the same as the writer from episode 5, there's no doubt in my mind that we'll keep seeing this dynamic. I don't think they would have made the same choices if this had been a movie. But I won't complain that we got this. I hope they keep this going even if it stays subtle like in the show. Just hope they will add one explicit scene where one of the characters acknowledges their relationship. But even if we only ever get this show, it’s already a great love story. Let me know what you guys think and sorry for the typos and grammar mistakes, I was tired when I wrote the last part. I hope it still makes sense!

If you think they're only being portrayed as friends let me know why! I would also like to know about the way you see this!

#sambucky #sam wilson #bucky barnes #tfatws #the falcon and the winter soldier #tfatws spoilers #Please feel free to comment on this and tell me what you think #I'm genuinely interested in having other POVs

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by-inky · 3 years

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hey I’m back at being annoying again >:D I’ve seen those around lately and I’ve never done anything of the sort so let me slap this to you

meet the artist ig

pls bear with me and whatever this thing I did in 40 mins on ibisPaint while waiting for my sister

random stuff ab me because why not

• I say generally that I’m Spanish bc that’s my nationality and I’ve lived most of my life there, but I’m a mixed person; my father is Spanish and my mom is half Uzbek and half Kyrgyz. thing is I don’t look like an Asian but also not 100% like an European, am pretty much halfway there lmao

• ab my pronouns: I usually go by she/her but I won’t eat you if you use they/them or even he/him, I couldn’t care less about the pronouns you give me and I’m fine with any

• IM FREAKIN 152 CM ON MY WAY TO STEAL KNEECAPS

• art stuff!! I use Paint Tool Sai on PC with a Huion 1060 (plus I believe) tablet, and IbisPaint X for edits and drawings on the go (I colored this with ibis bc my potato pc decided to do a 2h update today)

• I started to draw seriously ab two years ago ay

• my mbti personality would be EXFP bc sometimes it gave me ENFP and sometimes it gave me ESFP but to be honest I find myself more in the ENFP personality traits so I just go as it

• i keysmash more than I’d like to admit

• I write on caps like sM but usually i write in lower case. dw tho I know how to caps properly but that’s very rare ahJAJH

• consistent art style? don’t know her

• I rarely draw canon characters, I draw my ocs way more

• at school I have everything and more in my bag and surprisingly for myself I could cook spaghetti in class, I even have no idea how stuff gets in tbh

• I LIKE TO BAKE SM like man,,mini cupcakes and shortcakes are sO CUTE

• I use “bro”, “broski” and “man” sm I’m sorry

• I had to take Latin for 3 years now (I’ll need to take it next year too) so if you need help with stuff like Genshin constellations or names hit me up, I’ll be happy to help!

• I HAVE A VERY FAT HAMSTER AND I LOVE HIM VERY MUCH

• yea I think that’s all ehe

but!!

[takes this from sleeve]

not over!!

likes

• [inhale] HIROYUKI SAWANO’S MUSIC

• 🌻 this yellow color!! it’s really pretty

• 💖💞💕💓😩PINK BOBA🌸💓��💞💕💓

• SCENTED CANDLES AAAAAA

• people who randomly draw stuff for me???like that’s so nice and they’re so cute I’ll just steal you and smooch you??

• y’all lofi and indie are really nice but mETAL TOO

• fairy lights make my heart go bWAAM BWAAM

• this and this kinda songs :D

• I C E D T E A

• oc interactions are really nice!!

• also spicy food is yum

dislikes

• you’re being racist/xenophobic? lemme bark at you

• you’re being transophobic/homophobic? lemme bark at you again

• you’re sexualizing minors? hand chomped off

• online drama like get away from me thank you

• bugs ew

• TOXIC RELATIONSHIPS OR INCEST GRRR

• romanticizing bad stuff,,

• people who victimize themselves all the time and don’t do much other than rant is a big no no from me

• also people who are like “I’m toxic” and do nothing about it? like yo if you know that why don’t you change it

• when my pc freezes. like riGHT NOW

• also the coldness man,, I handle the heat way better

yea that’s all here a gift kith *mwah*

#inky speaks #meet the artist

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moonlit-imagines · 3 years

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Can I have Star Wars ship and mentor? Thanks!

I’m an INFP muggle born slytherin. I’m about 5’1”. I have dark brown (almost black) layered hair with curtain bangs. I have dark brown almond shaped eyes and tan skin. My pronouns are she/them and I’m bi (although I prefer guys). I'm a bit quiet and introverted but once I trust you enough to open up I tend to be sarcastic/witty and tease. I don’t trust easily, but once I do I’m very loyal and care a lot about my friends. I’m also a very passionate person who feels emotions very deeply. I like doing adventurous stuff and exploring and feel especially connected to nature and space. I’m a dreamer with a big imagination who’s always thinking. I LOVE music (anything from rock to classical). I like to read, write, and watch movies (fantasy, action, sci-fi, or mystery). I do martial arts and I ABSOLUTELY LOVE daggers (I also train with nunchucks, staffs, double stick, and butterfly knife, but daggers are my favorite). I’m strong but it’s more of a quiet strength. I’m confident in who I am and what I can do even if it doesn’t fit the way things normally are. I can be very competitive and I’m a perfectionist. I love fashion and my style/aesthetic consists of 70s/90s vintage, dark academia, and indie. I play piano, ukulele, sing, draw, and anything creative.

Thank you :)

s/o: han solo had saved you from the hutt dynasty the first chance that he got. he knew that it was only a matter of time before you were disposed of, replaced or hurt. you’d always admired him, he always flirted with you. he preferred to get on your good side before jabba sent you after him. but still, in the end han showed that he meant the things he said and took you from the life of a bounty hunter, helping you to achieve something greater than yourself.

enemy: jabba the hutt was your boss. well, former boss. working for him was already a hassle because he was so particular and one slight error might get you thrown into the rancor pit. or the sarlacc pit. you didn’t want to stick around to find out which one you’d be getting. you wanted to be the one to end it for jabba, but you were content on the way he went. as long as he never bothered you again.

best friend: luke skywalker was honestly a pleasure to be around. he was trustworthy and bright and one of the best sparring partners ever. you, him, and han often had “family night” together after the fall of the Empire just to feel normal again and you loved every second spent with them.

mentor: boba fett picked you up on some random hit and decided to take you in. he wanted some kind of protege to carry on his father’s legacy and you fit the bill, so you began to train as a bounty hunter, excelling quite fast. he did care for you, but you were more of a personal mission to him than a child or a friend or even a student, making your split much easier for you.

#silverblades #ask #shipping event #4k event

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neutral-emerald · 3 years

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SILVER THE COSMIC TIME-JANITOR (or: dude, what's with all the alternate futures)

silver the hedgehog has a very simple backstory. he's a kindhearted, sorta-naive but altogether very driven psychic hedgehog here to save the world by time-traveling to the past (also known as present-day) to prevent the apocalyptic future he was born into from coming to pass!

[ID: A screenshot of Silver from Sonic 06. He’s glowing with cyan energy as he flies over a dark, post-apocalyptic city.]

...wait, if he's time traveling 200 years into the past to completely change the shape of the timeline, how do the stars manage to align such that he manages to be born at the exact same point in the new timeline with the exact same genetics? how are his parents born? does silver have parents?? and how does he do this no less than THREE SEPARATE TIMES??!

hey everyone, i'm tumblr user neutral-emerald here to make good on the idea i vaguely gestured at yesterday and point out silver's wildly inconsistent backstory(s) and then explain to you how this isn't just sega playing hopscotch with the concept of time travel, but actually TOTALLY EXPLAINABLE if you don't mind a whole lot of conjecture and "fuck dude i just think it'd be cool."

LET'S GO.

before i get started, a few things to establish.

first, this is about… half serious, tops. it’s less of a theory and more of an observation of something that’s weird and then throwing some possible explanations at it because i am a massive sucker for time-based nonsense. if you wanna take my observations and build your own conclusions, go for it. i’m not your boss.

second, i'm basing my conclusions off of both the games and the idw comics. the conclusions i draw are applicable to either continuity, but the logic does rest a decent amount on the comics, so just a heads-up in case you were expecting pure game canon from this.

and third, i'm working off like half a brain and very intermittent checks of the wiki and cutscene compilations, so there's probably many things i'm missing! if you notice something i said was wildly off-base, go ahead and correct me in the replies and i'll either edit the post or explain to you just how that detail doesn't actually matter, depending on whether it. y'know. matters.

with that out of the way, let's get into the first topic of discussion!

part 1: the future is inconsistent, y'all

now, i'm not sure if you've heard, but in the year 2006 sonic team released this little indie game creatively entitled Sonic the Hedgehog. it was a smash hit, won countless awards, and for some reason went down in history as a messy, incomplete bugfest. but that's not what matters. what matters is that it introduced Silver the Hedgehog.

silver hails from 200 years in the future. the world is a bleak, fiery place, and has been since the monster iblis was unleashed after princess elise's death. silver was born into this world, which we know since it's literally the first thing he says in his story.

[ID: A cropped line from Silver's story in Sonic 06. "This world was devastated before I was born."]

i'm not going to drag you through a beat-by-beat summary of the entire plot of sonic 06, you should know it already. silver meets mephiles, gets lied to about who caused the apocalypse, mephiles yeets him and blaze into the past, he tries to murder Sonic the Hedgehog™, and so on. eventually he helps kill god, and then sonic and elise travel further back in time to kill god even deader so that none of the game ever happened, and the bad future into which silver was born never happened, thus thoroughly scrubbing silver's existence from the timeline!

...until.

sonic rivals.

i'm not going to speak much on sonic rivals, mostly because i'm not super familiar with it. but what matters is that silver is back! he's still from the future, he's still here to change the past, and most importantly he wasn't deleted from existence by the destruction of solaris, unlike everything else from sonic 06 including everyone's memories of it. and obviously, whatever state his future is in, it's not the same as it was in sonic 06.

now, i don't have a single clue what is going on in rivals 2, so do inform me if there's some big information i'm missing from that one. all i know is he's fixing yet another possible apocalyptic future, like always. correct me if i’m wrong, i don’t have the patience to trawl through it myself.

then we've got sonic colors, in which silver is again from the future. notably, he’s definitely not from an apocalypse!

[ID: Some screenshots from the DS version of Sonic Colors, again cropped to just the text. Tails and Silver are talking to each other.

Tails: What's the future you came from like, Silver? Silver: A lot brighter than this. Silver: The sky is blue, and everybody's got a smile.]

sonic generations doesn't add much. again, correct me if i'm wrong, but i don't think we learn anything about what kind of future silver is from, and he's definitely not here to fix it this time. that's sonic's job! he's just hanging out like everyone else.

now, up until this point the future has been reasonably consistent, setting aside my somewhat abstract understanding of the rivals games. there's nothing to say that silver's not coming back in time from the same point in a single timeline, which is the one and only version of the future ever since the destruction of sonic 06.

UNTIL.

[ID: Two panels from the comic Sonic Forces: Stress Test. In the first panel, Silver looks worried as he lands in front of Knuckles, who looks skeptical.

Silver: We've got big trouble! Eggman— Knuckles: How can you be here? I thought you returned to the future?

In the second panel, Knuckles looks away with a self-assured grin, while Silver looks more panicked.

Knuckles: Oh wait— I must be dreaming! Silver: What? No! I've come back with a dire warning from the future!]

i have a lot of issues with sonic forces, especially with how its story is written. something i do NOT take issue with is the supplemental comics, mainly because they are WONDERFUL evidence for my crackpot time travel theory.

like i said, up until this point we don't really know whether silver has been experiencing separate instances of the future, or simply traveling back in time to prevent an also-time-traveling eggman nega from messing things up in the past. but here, we get some very juicy information:

[ID: Knuckles and Silver again. Knuckles has his arms crossed and is looking at Silver, who has a nervous look on his face as he slams a fist on the palm of his other hand.

Knuckles: Come again? Silver: Something happens that brings the world to ruin! But the historical records are sparse or make no sense. I came back to hopefully head off whatever's about to happen and save the future.]

silver travels back in time to prevent a terrible apocalypse. this is not the beautiful future silver came from in sonic colors— but this is the same silver. everyone recognizes him. he recognizes everyone. and yet, the future he came from is different.

part 2: silver is a walking paradox

allow me to remind you of what i pointed out when i was talking about sonic 06. silver was born into the iblis-apocalypse. considering no elaborate timeline nonsense happened to him before the events of the game (by his reckoning) i think we can safely assume he was born like a regular person with parents.

in the first post-06 timeline, silver was probably also born. let's be charitable, acknowledge that sonic team doesn't overthink the butterfly effect like i do, and say that silver was born to the same parents, because the universe likes to keep things nice and simple and contrive itself to make this particular character exist in this time period.

so, it's entirely fair that silver comes to exist in a post-06 timeline at the equivalent point in time, aka 200 years in the future. it's also fair that he travels back in time to prevent some kind of apocalypse, because that's his narrative role! it's what he does. when it's time for him to exist in the story, that's what he's there to do.

what isn't fair is the fact that it keeps happening.

[ID: A panel from the IDW comics. Sonic is stretching his legs while looking faintly exasperated at Silver, who is nervously holding his arm.

Silver: Er… No. I came back because defeating Eggman didn't save the future. Sonic: Couldn't even play along. Had to bring the mood down. Sonic: *sigh* Okay, what happened this time?]

[ID: The following panel, cropped to just Silver's text bubbles narrating over a starry sky.

Silver: When I left, my time had been conquered by the Eggman Empire. Everyone lived in fear, choking on polluted air. Silver: When I went back, the Eggman Empire was gone— but so was everyone else. Silver: There was nothing left. No people, no animals, no machinery. Only water and sparse, metallic plant life.]

allow me to summarize my understanding of all this: silver is from the future. normally, the future is good. sometimes it isn't. when it isn't good, he goes back in time and fixes things, then returns to the future to check if that fixed things.

the least conjecture-y interpretation i can come up with is that sometimes silver will go into the past, then go back to the future but end up in a Bad Timeline and thus go into the past again to fix things. there's no weird warping directly between bad timelines, he only gets there by way of the past.

but that's boring, so here's my PREFERRED interpretation.

silver hails from a good future, but sometimes it just changes. he's unstuck from time— if something weird happens in the past, he's the only one to know that the passage of fate was changed, because he went to bed in one timeline and woke up somewhere categorically worse, and the only way he can fix it is by figuring out just what caused this and going back in time to fix it.

or, to say it in a meme:

[ID: A picture of someone lying in a hospital bed with a nurse standing next to them, edited so that Silver is in the bed.

nurse: sir… you've been asleep for 2 hours silver: oh boy i can't wait to wake up in the same timeline i went to sleep in]

part 3: how did this happen?

it's one thing to point out that silver doesn't experience time like a normal hedgehog, and another thing to explain how and why this happens.

fyi, this is the part where i go wildly off the rails and start saying whatever i want. there's a ton of explanations one could come up with, most probably stemming back to sonic 06. i'm just going to go with my own, and probably not come up with a whole lot of concrete evidence because i'm just spitballing. this is me having a fun time. going "heeheehoohoo time traveling hedgehog go brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr"

so. something i haven't touched upon is that in all games after sonic 06, silver can time travel. we never see him do it, it's never explained how he does it. all we know is that he's doing it under his own power.

which is kinda odd, don't you think? should he be able to do that?

in sonic 06, we see three mechanisms for time travel. first is the chaos emeralds. if two people perform Chaos Control with a chaos emerald apiece, they open up a swirling rift in the air which can send them to different points in time and space. silver can't be doing that, for obvious reasons— he's only one hedgehog, and he's not exactly running around with a chaos emerald at all times. that can't be how he does it.

second is a time machine eggman built. that obviously can't be it; the machine doesn't exist at all after the timeline gets wiped, and again, silver is doing this on his own. he's actively antagonistic towards eggman, even. absolutely not this one.

third and finally is mephiles, who can make big purple orbs to take himself and passengers to different points in time. this obviously can't be it either, for similar reasons to number 2, right? after all, mephiles is one half of solaris, who was destroyed before he could be split off. he doesn't exist to be silver's time-traveling uber driver.

...right?

well, obviously. i'm not going to try and tell you that mephiles is secretly alive and shepherding silver back and forth between timelines for no reason. that's ridiculous. no, i'm going to try and tell you that silver is mephiles.

or rather, he's solaris. or RATHER, he's the new solaris, sorta-ascended to the role of Time God after the old one got blown out like a birthday candle.

like i said, i'm going wildly off the rails and as such don't have any concrete evidence to explain why it's this instead of something else, but hear me out. after elise blew out the flame of hope, the universe was left in an interesting situation. someone needs to be in charge of the flow of time, but the previous time-god was just unceremoniously destroyed. but all the power and energy of a time-god has to go somewhere, in some form, in some time.

with nothing else to go off of, the role of time-god starts flipping through every notable being it had interacted with. they're all solidly accounted for in the timeline, except for one. silver the hedgehog was born into a timeline that cannot exist. silver the hedgehog does not, and cannot exist. silver the hedgehog interacted quite a bit with both sides of solaris— he spent a substantial amount of time fighting back iblis, and associated with mephiles, even being one of the few people to directly experience his time travel abilities. silver the hedgehog tried and failed to absorb iblis into himself.

here's my theory: after sonic 06, the universe reasserted itself such that silver was the new Solaris. silver is not consciously aware that this is what he is, but he knows that he can time travel. sometimes the timeline will rearrange itself around silver. he is unaffected by this because he is a higher being unaffected by such petty trifles as "an origin" or "paradoxes".

silver the hedgehog probably doesn't have parents. he sprang into existence one day and everyone just kind of went with it, himself included.

oh also something i thought was neat but couldn't think of where to put:

[ID: More cropped dialogue, this time from Team Sonic Racing.

Silver: I'm fine. It's just, something bad is gonna happen. I can't explain it. I just feel it. Blaze: Have your travels through time given you precognition? Silver: I don't know. Maybe they have. Or maybe I'm just thinking too much.]

silver might be becoming psychic in a future-vision kinda way. that, or he’s riddled with anxiety. possibly both.

TL;DR

silver hails from no less than three separate timelines, his existence is a tangled web of who-knows-how-many grandfather paradoxes, and i choose to believe that he's god.

if anyone who cares more about evidence wants to gather up like, little one-off clues that support or conflict with my conclusions, go right ahead. or just throw your own arbitrary headcanons for what's going on with this at me. or incorporate these ideas into an au or something! i just want more people thinking about what the Fuck is up with silver post-06, because by god there is a WHOLE lot of potential packed in there

anyway thanks for reading make sure to like comment and subscribe—

#hey guys check out how hard i can gesture at a corkboard #is it remotely coherent? not a clue! i cannot process my own writing #sonic theory #silver the hedgehog #text #dot txt

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taiyakiiwrites · 2 years

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If it isn't to much trouble may I have (male) male bnha matchup please. My pronouns are she/her. Im a Capricorn, my Mbti type is infj-a/infj-t. I tend to be shy around new people but I can be somewhat loud with people who im close to. My height is 5'0. My aesthetic would be cottegecore mixed with oversized sweaters. I have medium length brown hair, green eyes. I wear black glasses. And I have a lot of freckles. Im not very athletic and im not a big fan of sports but I love to go roller and ice skating. I also love to read books and to also cook and bake food. I also like to garden. I've been playing the violin for 6-ish years. I love animals and im planing on becoming a wildlife veterinarian. I like to Watch nature/animal documentaries. I also like sweets. Somethings I dislike are people who bend or ruin my books and people who speak over me when im trying to talk. I like "cozy" video games like stardew valley,Minecraft,animal crossing, the sims. Im not a big fan of fighting games especially shooter games but i do like specific fighting games like genshin impact and legend of zelda. I love music, I can listen to any genre and like it but my favorites are indie,bedroom pop and classic rock. sorry if i spelt anything wrong. Hope im not bothering you:)

i match you up with… TOKOYAMI FUMIKAGE

notes: your aesthetic is just ✨✨ you externally look like you have your identity together and i rlly appreciate that consistency

⇉ requests are open!! || main masterlist || rules

what a pair you two are

i’m trying to think of a way to describe your dynamic and the only thing i can say with confidence is “edgy and slightly awkward wizard x friendly wood nymph who’s also slightly awkward at times”

it’s hard to decide who’d start the first interaction so i feel like you two would meet by:

being sat next to each other in class. you two don’t have trouble asking each other for an extra pencil or what the homework is, but one day he spots a book on your desk that he’s read before. he was going to physically implode if he didn’t ask you about it, so he mustered up the courage to bring it up

and BAM

the conversation goes surprisingly well! each comment is followed by another, never a chance for any awkward silence to sneak its way in—a relief for both of you

suddenly you’re invited to hang out at his dorm to talk about it more!!

and trust you me, it won’t be the last time you guys hang out

things they love about you

when you do open up to him and show him your more energetic side, he can’t hide the smile that shows up on his face. your energy is contagious. it doesn’t mean that he’ll suddenly jump on a table and start singing, but he gets a rush of motivation and confidence seeing you like that

your talents! whether you dragged him out of his room to go roller and/or ice skate or he convinced you to play a bit of violin for him yet again, he is hypnotized every time. your grace as you skate around the rink and the music you can create almost like second nature—it draws him in effortlessly

like me, he likes your style. as someone who has a room that looks like it came out of the depths of the void itself and acts like the physical embodiment of a dark and stormy night, your vibe—your atmosphere is just htofkdhhdk—

you aren’t too all over the place when it comes to style and it’s one of the little things he enjoys

he will do almost anything for your cooking/baking. honestly, he does lean towards your baking more—he tries to hide his sweet tooth around people, but the first time he tried your baking, he just,,, just lost it. after you realized this, you started to bring him sweets a lot more often

your love for animals and nature actually means a lot to him. despite how grounded he seems, he does get lost from time to time on the meaning of everything, whether he’s making the impact he wants to or not on the world. but seeing you so in touch with the purest forms of life, seeing you flourish around it… there’s nothing better than that to him

relationship headcanons

everyone in class 1A—and probably a good amount of people outside your class—wants the relationship you two have. you understand each other so well and can get through any obstacle together, even if that obstacle is each other. your fights, if they ever happen, never last long.

you two attempt baking together every now and then :DD unfortunately, tokoyami isn’t the best at it, but you help him out and together make the most tastiest goddamn food

be sure to hide it away though or eat it quickly, because class 1A will be coming for it the minute they smell that sweetness waft through the air

he lets you borrow/keep some of his sweaters and sweatshirts whenever, but it’s rather obvious to class 1A when you wear them because the designs are definitely something you normally wouldn’t wear

your usual cottagecore aesthetic is replaced with skulls, swords, and an alarming amount of black fabric

you still wear it though—it smells like him after all and feels like a never ending hug ♪( ´▽｀)

i’m sorry but i can’t get the idea of you and him relaxing on your bed in your dorm, him slowly combing your brown hair with his fingers as he gently sings to you hJLFKSJDH HELP—

IT’S TOO MUCH—

and yes, you play video games together: mainly zelda, animal crossing, and stardew valley. he really does have a soft side, doesn’t he?

tokoyami will never admit it to his classmates that tease him about you two, but it’s clear to everyone that you unlocked the softer side to him, and he is head over heels for you as a result

you don’t mind, do you?

songs that remind me of you two

elephant gun by beirut

best friend by rex orange county

if i could ride a bike by park bird and chevy

rises the moon by liana flores

the night we met by lord huron

#bnha x reader #mha x reader #bnha matchup #mha matchup

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tealsapphire · 3 years

Text

The irony is not lost on me.

On the contrary, I spent the whole day being so conscious, or brooding, about it (even in the middle of day-long mid year review, induction training AND customer meeting, yes) I can finally come into one sound, proud conclusion : I've finally moved on past J.

This is J we are talking about. The man who contributed to the worst heartbreak I've ever had in my 33 years living on planet #3.

All of my past indie playlist consisting of melancholic, angsty songs that was kind of dedicated for him, or the memory of our relationship. Heck, my past Tumblr account consisted of emotional, dark and lonely posts that was meant for him (if I actually had any guts to tell those words)

10 years I spent avoiding any means of communicating with him.

That was easy at first. He moved 8,509 kilometres away (this is a fact) and got settled in immediately with a nice lady (now this is assumptive because I've never really found out in detail how his life post-me was, it was too painful and also embarrassing to stalk your ex) but one thing I know, they got married (and still are).

So he moved on smoothly. While I was pretty much stuck in my 4rd year of med school, staying in that city for another 2 year feeling miserable, lonely and freaking in pain.

I used to laugh when people said that heartbreak felt like someone physically rip your heart out of your chest. And oh man, I experienced that pain.

After a while the pain kinda subsided and I decided that in no fucking hell I'd want to experience that again. I blocked him everywhere. Email (marked as spam), phone number (easy, I don't really have his number and pretty sure he won't reach out to me first), social media accounts (kids this was in 2010 so we only had FB, Skype, and Flickr at that time but hell yes I blocked him on all of those)

Harsh, and yes it hurt but hearing from him again (when he's not mine)... The idea fucking hurts.

I spent the next few years still being sore everytime his name was mentioned, going for relationship with guys when my heart clearly wanted him only, and getting haunted by his shadows in my dreams.

He found me in 2016 in a social media platform through a mutual friend and we reconnected briefly.

Big mistake. I got heartbroken still after 6 years. He was still as charming and polite as ever, saying that he missed me (as a friend of course, but goddamn it my heart just couldn't take the pain).

So I did what I do best, I blocked him and asking our mutual friend to never give any of my information to him ever again.

Life was pretty quiet after that.

Then came 2020. Freaking stubborn dude found me on LinkedIn (of all places to look for your ex, am I right) and we reconnected again.

This time, I took the liberty to laid it all out: save me all the crap of missing me, and let's know each other all over again as friends.

Never really got any confirmation from him but his approach definitely got more muted than years before. We started to talk about mundane stuffs: my 9-5 job and his clinic, general situation between our countries, and generally about families. I draw a line about details of his personal life; honestly I don't want to know and although it doesn't hurt anymore, I decided that I don't want to be having a fake smile about it and cry afterwards later on during emotional meltdown.

He complied so far, and at least he never really brought up anything from our time together in the past. That shit still hurts.

But to have him back in my life, albeit fleetingly, is something I wouldn't dare to think about even 5 years ago.

We talk from time to time, one short conversation every month or even less frequently.

And just that, this morning in mid July 2021 I woke up at 6pm (midnight in Germany) with a photo of him raising a glass of whisky.

That damned smile plastered on his handsome face used to make my heart flutter like a high school girl, but this morning I woke up looking at that photo just feeling indifferent.

We had a 15 mins worth of texting and for the very first time in 11 years, it felt just like texting my work colleague about next presentation module: unattached and honestly-i-don't-give-a-damn-about-you.

Now at 10pm, I look back to the picture he sent me this morning and finally, finally, I can look at that face with no feelings anymore.

If this is the feeling of finally moving on, I'm loving it.

Yes the always-melodramatic part of me always wishes that the moment would come like those epiphanic scenes in House MD, but no.

And I'm totally fine with it.

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johnseedfanclub · 3 years

Text

Fun Facts About Angel:

To get to know him better

Personal

He’s Spanish/Puerto Rican

He’s a Libra

He was diagnosed with ADHD (also suffers from anxiety and depression)

Personality: He is very loud and obnoxious, quite humorous and fun to be around but can become quite the pest very quickly if you don’t like him. Overall though, he’s an energetic, lighthearted, and funny guy at least he tries to be a better person than he used to be

He’s usually emotionally closed off to others and is very quiet and/or rude and obnoxious when he first meets other people, especially people he doesn’t know or who are pushy but is extremely loud, energetic, funny, but also sweet and gentle when you get to know him he is also very flirty too ;)

He gets attached to people very easily

He has tattoos that have great meaning to him (especially those that are signs of his former self as a King Lion or that overlap his s/h scars)

He usually does the most for others, thinking that he has to earn their love, respect, and appreciation - in his mind love is not just given, it is to be earned (mainly from the absusive relationship with his father)

Can have very dramatic mood swings - some of which can be dangerous to himself or others

His nightmares/terror are mostly from the guilt of his past choices and mistakes as well as the constant abuse he dealt with growing up

Appearance

Though he’s in his 30s he tries to look slightly younger than his real age, mostly by caring for this face, skin, and shaving often

Naturally he has brown hair but has bleached bright blond highlights

Very curvy, is masculine but has more feminine like figure (mainly from the waist down)

He’s very short, mostly looks up to who he’s talking to (very pissed off that he’s the shortest guy in the room, gets teased a lot for it)

He has tattoos that mainly cover his arms, has a few on his shoulders/upper back, and one on his neck ( his tattoos mostly cover scars and injuries)

Hobbies

He tends to get excited about subjects that revolve around art and will talk for HOURS on end about art and his favorite forms of art (mostly drawing/illustration)

He LOVES animated cartoon movies, especially the old traditional animated cartoons (but never admits to it)

Most of his tattoos were sketched and designed by him

In his spare time, he usually sketches designs for tattoos he wants to get in the future or simply sketches still life drawings.

He absolutely loves cross-dressing. His wardrobe consists of more feminine clothing.

Aside from clothing, he loves wearing makeup and perfume. Even if he can’t go all out, he definitely manages to put on some blush and slight bronzer/highlight to touch up his face a bit

His favorite genre of music is mostly Rap, Indie, and Pop - the genre usually depends on his mood

He smokes marijuana quite a bit, sometimes to handle his stress (he tries not to to avoid addiction) but mostly it’s recreationally/ shits and giggles

He’s big on alcohol, doesn’t abuse it, but might as well be. Angel can be one crazy party animal when it comes down to it. His favorite drink would be Absolut Vodka or Vodka mixed drinks.

Loves to cook! His mother taught him to make small dishes when he was younger and he continued to learn to make more complex and fancy dishes as he got older.

He loves when people enjoy his food! Nothing makes him happier then when people comment on his cooking

Food

Is a biiiiiiiiig foodie!!!! He is never usually picky with what he eats and will eat absolutely anything unless it is poorly made like watery Mac and Cheese

He has a huge sweet tooth and prefers to snack on candy or unhealthy foods before eating a full meal

Is constantly eating or has snacks on him somehow

He also knows how to make drinks that’ll have you stumbling around and falling over like a baby deer

His favorite food is : Ropa Vija (pulled pork with rice) and Pastelle

Favorite desert : Tres Leches cake (sponge cake soaked in milk) , cheesecake *especially New York Cheesecakes*, and crème brûlée

Favorite non-alcoholic drinks: strawberry Fanta, (Thai) iced tea, coke

Other:

always been known to daydream A LOT

Always fidgeting with this belongings/clothes it has to be how he likes it of course

Loves animals and insects! You’ll definitely catch him holding a dog, cat, snake, lizard, or any type of insect. Hell, he’ll even be home a wild animal like an opossum

#deputy oc #fc5 #far cry 5 #far cry fanfiction #far cry oc #far cry deputy #deputy:AngelSanchez #deputy oc headcanons

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aprilrph · 4 years

Photo

hello friends !! i recently got a dm asking for some advice in regards to running a successful group rp. one quesiton is specific for multifandoms, but the rest is general advice that should apply to pretty much any group you’re in.

anything you think would be helpful for someone who’s never created/modded an rp before would be very much appreciated!!

the first and most important thing that i can say is: be the kind of member you want your members to be.

do you want to have a diverse group? then you need to be playing muses of color, trans/enby muses, etc. no excuse.

do you want to have an inclusive group? be the first to include everyone. react equally to starter calls, plotting calls. reply to every open starter. every. single. one. don’t wait a week and a half to do it, either – you need to be proactive and set the example for the group. also, don’t ignore people replying to your opens.

do you want to have an active group? be active, for fuck’s sake. if you’re not writing on the dash, people notice. if you take two months to reply to threads, people lose interest. activity falls apart if the admins don’t pull their weight.

beyond that: have an admin team that you trust and are good with communication. how many you need depends on the size of a group, but any more than 4 is... well, excessive. hold each other responsible for being good members on top of being admins. maturity is really important to make sure that things don’t become full of pettiness.

how do you plot events/tasks between mods? how often do you do them?

i’m going to separate events and tasks.

events: having some kind of chat to bounce ideas off of each other is essential. discord is ideal because you sort into different channels for different ideas, have a channel for a specific event, etc. – this keeps it from getting lost.

as far as plotting the actual event, most of the time, it’s either a) something typical for rps, like a carnival, ball, party, etc. b) something that effects every character in the rpg, like the setting changes, some kind of new species is introduced, etc. or c) something inspired by the members/muses of the group.

a) is pretty easy. this is good for kicking off groups, keeping the group active, without having to put too much work into it. i actually have an old masterlist of event ideas that you can find and reference right here for some inspiration, and there are others out there. be mindful, especially around holidays, to be inclusive. don’t just do a christmas thing, do something secular or something for everyone. thanksgiving? mmm, not a great idea.

b) so this varies a lot depending on what the group is. for a supernatural rp, maybe a new species is introduced. for a horror rp, someone could be murdered. for a celeb/band/etc rp, a new gossip blog spills something huge. for a town rp, there could be a new law, maybe new locations, curfew after something bad, power outage, etc. for a scifi rp, maybe aliens. you can really play with this depending on the vibe of your group and where you want to go with it.

c) this, by far, is my favorite thing to do, but also the most challenging, because if people ghost then it can all fall apart. but at the same time, you don’t want it to be centered on the admins, because then it’s not inclusive of members. again, it varies a lot per group, but get your member’s input !! see if they have a muse who could cause some kind of massive thing, whether it’s a witch ruining a town, a journalist unveiling a big secret, etc.

tasks: this section is much shorter i promise lmao. i would not do them more often than every other week. don’t make them too complicated, don’t make photoshop necessary. make them optional, but see if you can find some kind of reward to incentivize members to do them. do them yourself, to set the example. character development tasks are great, but the longer and more developed they are, the less people that will participate in them. again, i have an old masterlist here that you can look through for inspiration.

what’s advertising like? how often do you do promos?

picloadr is your friend. learn it, use it, save yourself the headache. picloadr combined with xkit’s tag bundling extension can save you a lot of time. have a sideblog to promo on.

hit tags like “appless rp” “town rp” “oc rp” “multifandom rp” etc. often, because they move faster. personally, i wouldn’t want to be in the tag more than once an hour. if you’re going for something more specific, like a fandom tag, be very cautious about spamming those as you will get indie rpers sending you anons about flooding the tag.

in addition, i think it’s cute and more effective to make posts from the main in the tags, letting people know you’re online, maybe plugging what’s going on in the group, and definitely plugging most wanted characters or wanted connections. with this, though, be courteous not to spam your members who just want to rp on the dash, not see th emain flooding it.

is there a lot of drama to handle?

yes, and no.

drama in a group can be really hit or mess, so it is just luck of the draw most of the time. the best way to prevent drama in your group is to a) not start any yourself and b) be able to nip it in the bud without hurting your member’s.

please take a moment to note things like racism, transphobia, misgendering (this is usually frequent and excused), homophobia, anti-semitism, etc. are not drama. these are serious issues that should be addressed immediately.

some drama that i have seen in my day has ultimately come from differing opinions on fandom related matters, and people not being able to accept that other’s just have different opinions, interpretations, etc. people get petty, passive aggressive, and that’s the kind of thing that you have to nip in the bud before it can turn into something bigger. be firm, and kind. you don’t want a thing between two members to disintegrate the whole group. genuinely hear people out before you make a decision / take any kind of action.

other drama usually comes from a clash of personalities. some people are pushy, some people are anxious. one can come out as forceful, another comes out as not being inclusive. you have to set up your members in a way that makes it easy for both sides to get along. equally elevate things like open starters. push inclusivity – make a thread roulette, randomly pair up people for threads that don’t usually interact with each other.

the most important thing is to make yourself available so that members feel comfortable coming to you when they’re having issues. being comfortable to talk to admins can fix a lot of things, and people just don’t get that these days. make sure that people know they can beyond just saying they can. show it, act like it.

(multifandom specific) how do you look at apps/characters for fandoms you aren’t at all familiar with?

fandom wikias are your friend.

i’ll usually check that + previous casting to make sure that a fc is casted appropriately. some fandoms are tricky, like atla, but most are pretty easy to navigate even if you’re unfamiliar. also, if the first glance at a character tells me that they’re a villain type, then i’ll usually dive a little deeper to make sure that they’re not explicitly problematic.

most multifandoms have copied the same banned list from older groups. honestly? pretty good thing. usually it consistents of media like you, handmaid’s tale, 13 reasons why, as well as various other historically-based items. banning nazi/nazi-affiliated characters, rapists, etc. is pretty necessary. you don’t have to ban all villains, but not all villains are equitable.

another note on multifandoms:

be creative, please, with your plots.

hint: if the plot is “all muses are in cutesy little town with memories of a fake life”, then the plot isn’t original. it’s been done so, so many times. not even just by groups that have since died but in multiple currently active groups (and in many deceased groups).

do something new !! make it themed !! hell, do it based on that one weird episode of supernatural where they got thrust into the ‘real world’. literally, just be creative !!

#rph #multifandom rp #rpc #rp advice #advice

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lcvender · 4 years

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idk what i’m doing entirely with this girl yet, i’m totally winging it. she’s the younger sister of a couple of other muses that i have on my indie. pls like this post to validate me or plot klsajdf oh btw its amanda (sage/castor)

『SYDNEY SWEENEY ❙ CISFEMALE』 ⟿ looks like JETTA LYNCH is here for HER FRESHMAN year as a FASHION DESIGN student. SHE is 20 years old & known to be STEALTHY, CURIOUS, SCAMMING & LOATHSOME. They’re living in MORIS, so if you’re there, watch out for them. ⬳ amanda. 22. mst. she/her.

trigger warning: child neglect, drug mention

NAME: jetta kathleen lynch AGE: 20 BIRTH DATE: september 26th 1999 ZODIAC: libra sun, aries moon SEXUAL ORIENTATION: bisexual SOCIAL CLASS: lower HOMETOWN: chicago, il EDUCATION LEVEL: ged FACE CLAIM: sydney sweeney ADDICTION(S): cigarettes DRUG USE: loves adderall and cocaine, smokes weed if asked ALCOHOL USE: yes POSITIVE TRAITS: unpredictable, curious, stealthy, idealistic NEGATIVE TRAITS: scamming, loathsome, fussy, anxious LIKES: drawing, clove cigarettes, graffiti, faux leather DISLIKES: bugs, sharing, red meat, farm animals

jetta is the middle child of five, and feels the most rejected. her parents split up when she was 6, but at such a young age all the memories she formed of them were kind of made up. she idolized them despite constant abuse, physical and emotional. now as an adult, she’d aware that most of her memories are fabricated but can’t handle the fact that they were so awful to her when she still loves them so much.

tl;dr her parents were abusive and she still suffers from it.

left home at 17, living on friends couches and selling her younger brother’s Adderall prescriptions

after two years of scrounging money from nothing, she saved up enough to go to college for ONE semester. hence Radcliffe. she also got a small scholarship from them

personality

not necessarily a mean girl or a nice girl. you know how glenda the good witch was like “i’m a good witch !! anyway thanks for killing a mf now take that bitchs shoes”. she’s like that

has lots of false memories and has sort of continued to make them her whole life. doesn’t directly make shit up or anything, but she never trusts herself to believe anything or anyone

major abandonment issues

based on the little girl moonee from the Florida project if you’ve seen that

has definitely committed some crimes but hasn’t done any jail time. yet

doesn’t like frivolously spending her money so she actually makes and designs a lot of her own clothes, as well as thrifting and altering. think along the lines of raven from that's so raven

hasn’t grown out of her teenager phase yet

doesn’t like animals but won’t eat red meat. “just because i don't like them doesn't mean i want them to get eaten”

wanted connections

- ex bfs/gfs. would have likely ended on bad terms because she is very dramatic and emotional. probably a lot to handle in a relationship anyway. she’s had quite a few of them.

- best friend. fucking ride or die we’re both crazy who gives a fuck. you know what i’m talking about. if u kill a man i will help you

- hookups. current or previous, or future even. jetta calls herself a whore but with dignity. she has a lot of experience here

- a roommate in moris.

- frenemies. hate each other one day love each other the next day, its never fucking consistent and they’re constantly upsetting the other just for the thrill

- victims. people she picks on for no reason, even if it isn’t directly.

- bullies. give me people who are mean to her. for whatever fucking reason

- people she uses as models for her designs in class

- someone she does illegal shit with. could be stealing money or tagging a building but she’s always up for it. maybe this is the only time they spend together.

#this one isnt as long as my others can u tell im scattered #radintro

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theeverlastingshade · 4 years

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Heaven Or Las Vegas- Cocteau Twins: 30th Anniversary

Of all the bands who couldn’t be better primed for a comeback from a cultural standpoint while being highly unlikely to ever reunite in any sort of compacity whosever, Cocteau Twins occupy a peculiar place within the musical landscape of 2020. Even if all touring wasn’t completely postponed due to the COVID-19 pandemic, Cocteau Twins (the predominant trio being vocalist Elizabeth Fraser, guitarist/synth programmer Robin Guthrie, and bassist Simon Raymonde) seem unlikely to ever reunite for the kind of festival comebacks that have brought back many a legacy act due to the implosion of Fraser and Guthrie’s marriage. And yet while they were largely unheard of up until their 1990 sixth LP and masterwork, Heaven or Las Vegas, their run from their highly promising 1982 debut Garlands through HoLV has continues to prove incredibly influential with each passing year on a multitude of underground and mainstream acts alike, influencing acts as diverse as SIgur Ros, Arca and so many more. While Cocteau Twins have never released a record that’s less than good, HoLV still stands as the pinnacle of their creative output, and the defining landmark statement of the increasingly ubiquitous sub-genre widely tagged as dream pop.

Since emerging as a gothic rock band at the beginning of the 80s, Cocteau Twins have cultivated a singular stain of pop/rock informed by the contemporary gothic rock and post-punk of the last several preceding years like The Birthday Party and Siouxsie and the Banshees of and the transcendent vocal harmonies of The Beach Boys and Kate Bush. Emerging originally as a three piece for Garlands, Cocteau Twins then stripped things back to just the two piece of Fraser and Guthrie for their great sophomore LP, Head Over Heels, before landing on Raymonde to lock down the low-end on their spectacular third LP, Treasure, solidifying their lineup for all future output. By the time that Cocteau Twins were gearing up to record HoLV, the band was simultaneously on the precipice of legitimate international success and complete implosion. Raymond had just gotten married, and he lost his father in the midst of recording the record, while Fraser and Guthrie had just had a daughter named Lucy Belle, and their marriage remained teetering on the brink of dissolution due to Guthrie’s frequent mood swings and paranoia as a result of his increased drug use. They had also just signed to the revered indie label 4AD after Victorialand, and following the lukewarm reception of their great fifth LP, Blue Bell Knoll, the stakes had been heightened for them to release a record that hit. There had been obvious populist sensibilities coursing throughout the music of Cocteau Twins as early as HOH, but Treasure was the last time that they sounded completely unabashed about their undeniable populist sensibilities until HoLV.

The records that followed the glossy, populist propulsion of Treasure scaled back the immediacy while doubling down on the overall sense of immersion. Victorialand and Blue Bell Knoll, the two records between Treasure and HoLV, are positively meek with respect to the stratospheric heights reached on the former and latter, but they’re far from underwhelming, and showcase the inimitable trio refining their approach to melody while demonstrating a heightened sense of suspending tension. On HoLV, the band draw from everything that they attempted prior onto their largest canvass yet, and as soon as opener “Cherry-Coloured Funk” kicks off in earnest you can hear the warm immediacy of Treasure rushing forth in even greater force. Victorialand is their most insular, ambient-adjacent record, defined primarily by Fraser’s voice being mixed into the greater wall of sound instead of high in front leading the arrangements. The guitar work is some of their most gorgeous to date, but it lacked the immediacy that made Treasure pop. The same is true for BBK, but that record marks a notable shift in their trajectory towards more conventionally structured songs, even though there’s a sense of restraint that keeps a lot of the songs here from truly soaring. Regardless, BBK is still a great record from start to finish, and the highlights like life-affirming “Carolyn’s Fingers” and the exhilarating title track set the stage for where they were about to go with HoLV.

On HoLV, Cocteau Twins shift their gears from the ambient-leaning direction of Victorialand and BBK back to the ethereal pop of Treasure, but with a much tighter focus. On HoLV, songs barely dip past the 3 and a half minute mark, and not a second is wasted on anything other the absolute barest arrangements necessary to convey each song’s emotional heft. As is the case with pretty much every Cocteau Twins record, it’s Elizabeth Fraser who really steals the show throughout the course of HoLV. Her wildly acrobatic vocal runs shift from ecstatic, to wistful, to seductive, to empathetic on a dime, and while always a remarkably expressive vocalist she had never gone for broke with her vocal runs quite the way she does on HoLV. The instrumentation consists of lush, kaleidoscopic guitar/synth arrangements richer, and more melodic than anything that Guthrie had previously recorded. While Raymonde has always been a bit of the band’s secret weapon, there’s no mistaking this sublime basslines as the major grounding force that keeps everything tight throughout the course of the record. Raymonde’s bass lines are immediate yet forceful, providing a sharp sense of momentum even at the music’s most cathartic.

Cocteau Twins aren’t a band that are generally regarded first and foremost because of their lyrics, but on HoLV Fraser pens the band’s most heartfelt, and urgent writing of her career, focused primarily around the birth of her daughter. While some of the songs are more literal in their depictions of her newfound love (“Laughing on our bed/Pretending us newly wed/Especially when/Our angel unleashed that head” from “Wolf in the Breast” comes to mind), some of the songs like “Fifty-Fifty Clown” present more cryptic allusions to the exact nature of her feelings “And is this safe flowing, love, soul, and light/Motions in all motion, emotions all”. Throughout the chorus of the title track, one of the most spellbinding moments of the band’s career, Fraser delivers what seems to scan as the album’s thesis “Singing on the most famous street/I want to love, I’ve all the wrong glory/Am I just in Heaven or Las Vegas?”, proclaiming her desire for love above all else, and questioning whether the band’s success has brought them closer to bliss or oblivion. The vocal melody is her the strongest on any Cocteau Twins song, and her examination of success rings universal for anyone with the self-awareness to question why and how they got where they are, and where the path that they’re can lead if they get too caught up in the thralls of success. And the closer “Frou-Frou Foxes in Midsummer Fire” has lyrics that seem sung in tribute to Ramonde’s father “And day from night take all/Bad thoughts and soothe/All he was/Knows you” effectively ending the record with the cycle of life and death.

In spite of the immense cohesion that holds it together in its intended sequencing, HoLV almost plays like a greatest hits record thanks to the filler free, 10 tight compositions that make up its runtime. Although each of their first five records are great in their own right, most have a few songs that overstay their welcome. Each song holds its own within the greater whole, with strong dynamics, hooks, melodies, infectious rhythms, and guitar/synth arrangements that are taut and immediate, but never dull or simplistic. The songs are bursting with color, but there’s never a sense of indulgence on display, and none of the songs waste anytime not building towards something or delivering some kind of release, all the more impressive given the brevity of each song. Highlights like the one-two punch of intro “Cherry-Coloured Funk” and “Pitch the Baby” are downright disarming in their succinct, yet dense arrangements coupled the wide-screen scale of the production which had never before sounded so rich and clear on any of their prior records. The title track and “Fotzepolitic” are the two strongest songs that the band have ever released, and propel HoLV to heights greater than it being just a spectacular pop record. The title track is propelled by funky basslines, a minimal electronic drum beat, radiant synths, and an squealing electric guitar lead that congeal into a sublime carnival that Fraser gets terrific mileage out of by belting out with more urgency than she ever had before, or has since. And on “Fotzepolitic” the band gradually build up a jangly, galloping guitar lead over a strutting bassline and those ever present gleaming synths. Fraser’s delivery is at her most playful, built throughout the last bridge she teases a palpable sense of flight and then her voice drops out of the mix as Guthrie delivers a solo that spirals into stratospheric, euphoric release. It's the grand culmination of everything that the band had done up to that point, and still exudes a legitimate sense of catharsis that very few other songs I’ve listened to have achieved,

Despite the fact that Cocteau Twins were almost completely unknown outside of the UK until the release of HoLV you can hear the angelic undertones of their singular strain of pop in a myriad of underground and mainstream music throughout the 90s up to the present. Any musician playing music that vaguely falls into the broader realm of dream pop likely owes Cocteau Twins an immense debt, as well as chamber pop luminaries like Julia Holter and Grouper, and shoegaze and post-rock legends like Slowdive and Sigur Ros. In addition to informing the aforementioned outre acts, the gloomy, sensual sensibilities of Cocteau Twins also went on to inform a great deal of down-tempo pop music. They’ve been namechecked by Radiohead, sampled by both Arca and The Weeknd, and you can hear their gothic stylings informing pop stars as diverse as Lorde and Billie Eilish. As poptism has completely shifted the critical music discourse towards accessibility above all else, HoLV occupies a peculiar position as a classic record. The stunning melodicism, sublime chemistry, rich instrumentation, and expansive production rendered HoLV an immediately recognized classic upon arrival, but not only has it gotten better with age, but it’s seemed to have become a notably more influential sounding record on far more than just indie music throughout the last decade. And yet for all of the attempts at reverb-addled bliss, no other musician has released a dream pop record before or since the release of HoLV that come close to matching its singular beauty.

Although Cocteau Twins only remained active to release two good but not great records following HoLV before disbanding, the mark they left on music on the whole is indisputable. Their rich discography set a new standard for melodically rich, adventurous pop music unbeholden to the commercial realities of the music industry in a way that ever diluted their idiosyncratic sound. Although Elizabeth Fraser has played live since their split, most recently with Massive Attack while touring the 20th anniversary of their opus, Mezzanine, the possibility of a legitimate Cocteau Twins reunion has always seemed live a stretch. The creative and romantic partnership that disintegrated between Fraser and Guthrie, coupled with the lingering memories of the immense tension that bore the bulk, if not entirety of their output may always prove a barrier to great to justify reconciliation. But even in the likelihood of that sealed finality, the records that the Cocteau Twins made during their golden years of 1983-1990 sound crisper, and more refined with each passing year. With each successive act trying their hand at dreamy sounding, reverb smeared pop music propelled by thick, groovy basslines and lush choral harmonies, the potency of the music that the Cocteau Twins made during those years becomes that much more pronounced. It’s been 27 years since their last LP, and yet the sound that they helped to cultivate and then crystalize on HoLV continues to grow in relevance with each passing year.

Essentials: “Fotzepolitic”, “Heaven or Las Vegas”, “Wolfe in the Breast

#cocteau twins #heaven or las vegas #4AD

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jemej3m · 5 years

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rubies and pearls

from that silly indie quote about the sun loving the moon so much that it dies every night to let her shine, i present to you this:

a sort of post-modern philosphical shitshow where neil panicking about the relevance of his existence in our universe is my constant state

this is also p similar to (but obviously not as good as the 180,525 words of) ‘The First Breath’ which is a good (amazing) fic i defs recommend

Neil is a kinda generic term for what he is, but essentially, in the most simplistic, genial terms, he is Neil. Neil Josten, in all his glory.

It’s strange how all the benevolent figures of this particular earthly plane have opped for such simple names. Like Matt, for example. Here he was, providing optimism and celebration to human kind, but he went ahead and named himself Matthew Boyd.

And his love, Danielle Wilds. She was the embodiment of valour. And she insisted to go by Dan.

Renee, Wymack, Allison, Seth, Aaron, Jean, Kevin, Jeremy, Nicky, Abby, Betsy, hell, even Riko. Though he supposed that it was ironic that the Japanese name meant truth, and he was consistently anything but.

There were others, perhaps more unsavory, of whom Neil never tended to mention, and wholistically avoided when he could. They, too, had elicited for general names. Lola, Nathan, Mary. Seriously. Mary.

They were practically what the humans called gods, the lot of them. But like: Also not like gods. Without them, the thing they represented would be obsolete, and humankind would no longer be capable of experiencing it. Some things such as fear (Nathan) and pain (Lola) would be rather beneficial to eradicate, but they fought tooth and nail, not only to exist, but to try and remove those who negated their particular characteristic.

Such as Neil. Neil was the embodiment of eternity, or immortality. Perhaps humans weren’t immortal, but he and his fellow benevolent beings were. He also immortalised memory, and how they (humans) could translate it into permanent forms. Books, scripts, art. More recently, the internet.

So, being that Nathan and Lola drew satisfaction from the cruel shortening of human life, and Neil represented the extension of life, they did not get along.

He clashed with paranoia (Mary) and sadism (Riko): Sometimes he and connection (Jeremy) fell upon disagreements, in that Neil was unable to immortalise humankind and Jeremy watched the relations he inadvertently formed crumble through the permanent separation of death. It wasn’t that Neil had anything against Jeremy. He was just awfully cheery.

Then again, Matt often displayed similar qualities. Neil assumed he was more tolerable, due to the idea of perseverance that accompanied optimism. Neil could respect that.

He respected forgiveness (Wymack) and transformation (Renee). He appreciated valour (Dan) and stubbornness (Allison), and whilst their personalities grated upon Neil, both regret (Seth) and doubt (Aaron) were necessary, too. Both healers, of mind and body (Betsy and Abby), were much needed too, but their disposition to smother Neil with affections was not appreciated.

Neil rarely saw those he enjoyed the company of. His symbol was the moon, and thus night was his territory. It was also the territory of things most evil and threatening, and whilst Neil technically didn’t have to maintain his waking hours in the night (he just simply needed to exist), he tended to anyway.

Perched upon the branch of a pine, he gazed upon the moon and the stars: His moon, and the trillions of stars that represented the other dimensions. He wondered how many of those had a Neil Josten, and if they were gazing upon him in similar fashion.

“Neil,” Called a gentle voice, at the bottom of his tree.

Neil sighed, slipping between the Unreal to appear beside Jean.

It tended to spook those that weren’t used to his disappearing act. As the embodiment of immortality, and thus, basically the reason that all the other representatives existed, he could slip into the Unreal. It was essentially a strange goo that kept all dimensions together. You were not allowed to cross dimensions, or speak to the embodiments of eternity from other dimensions, but it wasn’t illegal to see one another from time to time.

Jean was one of the few who he truly tolerated, and who truly tolerated him. Loneliness and eternity went pretty much hand in hand. Immortality was an isolating experience.

“You have been quite absent for a while.” Jean offered as they walked. It was a trail in the Victorian Alps, at the base of Mount Hotham, in Australia. Australia was not as frequently visited by his fellow beings, in that there were less people in a large space. He frequented Mongolia, Russia and Canada for the same reasons.

Other beings could not slip in and out of space, but time was still a loose thing. Jean could have walked for five minutes and crossed the pacific ocean that lay between California and Melbourne. He also, if he’d wanted to, have taken two hours. It was all relative. Neil wasn’t in charge of it, so he didn’t really care. When you’re immortal, time isn’t really a thing at all.

“I have been busy.” Neil said, like he always said. “A cult attempting necromantics here, wars stealing young lives there, a general disregard for the rules of existence everywhere. I’m always busy, Jean. What is it that you want?”

“Irritable.” Jean decided. “Maybe you need to breathe, for a moment?”

Neil was pent-up, but he was always pent-up. Mary always tried to catch up with him, warning of prophecies and visions and happenings and things that would probably never happen. She wasn’t hard to shake off short-term, but she was impossible to get rid of entirely. Having paranoia chase after him like that wasn’t doing his seemingly eternal headache any favours.

“Maybe you need to get your head out of your ass, and your ass out of California?” Neil offered. “Jeremy’s influencing you more than I thought he would.”

Jean only laughed softly. “You’re insufferable, Neil Josten.”

They walked further in comfortable silence.

“Have you met with your sun yet?”

Neil grimaced. He hated it when the sun was referred to as his. Just because they were complementary to one another did not result in Neil’s ownership of the being that symbolised the sun, or visa versa. Neil had never approached the man - or even asked for his name. He couldn’t imagine what the person that was supposed to oppose every aspect of Neil’s being would be like. Most likely, intolerable. He had heard enough about the man from whispers.

“I do think that it would be beneficial to you.”

“Is that Jeremy, speaking out of your mouth?” Neil grabbed Jean’s chin to pry it open. “Jeremy, are you there? What are you doing here?”

“Neil, stop it.” Jean was amused, but it slid back into his characteristic seriousness. “You cannot isolate yourself like this for much longer.”

“Says the embodiment of loneliness.”

“Yeah, which is why I know there’s an ache within you.” He frowned. “I thought you agreed that Jeremy and I made a logical pair.”

“Yes,” Neil admitted. “But that does not mean I will feel the same about my other half.”

“You’d be surprised.” Jean offered, the vagueness of his tone making Neil irritated. “You’re more alike than not.”

“Fuck off.” He said, decided.

Jean simply smiled, his small, knowing smile. “You’ll see.”

Neil watched as he walked in the opposite direction when they approached a fork in the trail. He merely sighed, and retreated to the sanctity of the tallest tree branch.

The first time Neil sees the man who represents the sun - protection and strength - it is by mistake. He is ambling along a crooked brick path in a small Chinese city by the name of Shijiazhuang as the night began to fade away, with hands in his pockets. He loves the smell of bing and liangmian and the anonymity of the hustle and bustle. He doesn’t have to present himself to humankind if he wishes not to, and in China, it is safer that way. His red curls would draw excessive attention, as would the scars and blue eyes.

It’s why he likes America: He blends in regardless. If only there were less of his kind there.

When he sees the man, he’s standing at the top of the city’s history museum, a grand building with a newly refurbished half. Ironic, really, when considering the age of the artifacts inside.

Neil stands in the middle of the square, surrounded by pigeons as he watches the man. Smoke curls from his fingers, and his hair is illuminated like a halo in the rising sun. Behind him, the moon is sinking into irrelevance, and the stretch of sky between the two spheres is an incredible palette of rich purples and blues, and golden oranges and pinks.

Distantly, Neil knows his moon is nothing compared to the sun. The sun is glorious. The moon is simply - eery.

Neil knows he’s been seen by him by the curious tilt of his head. He vanishes.

The second time is no accident: It is pure frustration.

In the northernmost lands, sometimes there is no night. Neil sees how the humans grow exhausted, how the sun circulates endlessly without fail. Sometimes he thinks it’s selfish.

He tries to bring rest where he can, in the shadows of small homes dark enough to impersonate the night. When it does grow dark, he rewards their endurance with brilliant light shows in the sky.

One evening, he has only an hour before the sun returns. Perhaps his irritation was palpable, because the man is at his side instantly.

He, himself, seems slightly perturbed at his sudden appearance. Neil doesn’t usually summon fellow beings unless it is an urgent matter. He’s the only one who can.

The man simply looks at him. He’s shorter than Neil, with eyelashes blonde like his hair. Snow rests gently upon the curves of his cheeks. It’s ethereal.

“I cannot change the globe’s axis.” Was all he said. “Your frustration is leaking everywhere unnecessarily.”

Then he went to light a cigarette, and Neil stood beside him as they watched the sun rise once more.

The third time was no accident, nor was it by chance: Riko was salivating where he stood towering over him, snarling with anger like a rabid dog. He was the embodiment of sadism and liked to watch mankind suffer, but he didn’t limit himself to just the humans. How he’d found Neil was a mystery, but he’d taken his chance.

Neil thought of Kevin (hubris) and his shattered hand. Kevin said Riko laughed as he’d cowered, and enjoyed snapping each of Kevin’s fingers. He knows what this man is capable of, even if much of his motivation is unprecedented and petty.

“Give Kevin back to me,” Riko demanded. “You have unlawfully taken him from me. Give him back.”

“He is not yours, or mine, to own.” Neil corrected him. He kept himself just beyond arm’s reach, a trick he had learned when he once often interacted with Nathan. “He’s his own being.”

“You fucking prick.” It’s a blur of action, but Neil found himself pinned to a hard concrete surface, his vision spotting with the force that Riko’d smacked his head to the ground.

He couldn’t risk jumping to the Unreal: If he did, his physical contact with Riko might bring him there. That’d be a really bad idea.

So he tried to resist instead, but he was always more inclined to flight rather than fight. He was trapped.

Until;

Riko was suddenly torn from where he was pressing Neil’s body to the ground, restricting all movement and chance to escape. He vanished as soon as he realised he was no longer alone - the coward that he was - and Neil scrambled to his feet in anticipation.

“You’re useless.” The man decided. “All he had to do was poke you and you were practically incapacitated.”

“You took your time.” Neil huffed, brushing himself off. He would rather not admit he’d asked for the man’s assistance - he was meant to represent protection, after all - but he couldn’t have risked it.

“Useless.” He reiterated.

“At least you had warning.” Neil proposed. “You didn’t have to come.”

“If you’re dead, we’re all dead.” He reminded Neil. “Besides, I know you’ve convinced Kevin to stay away from that sadistic fuck. I need someone to help him keep his head above the water.”

“Well.” Neil said awkwardly. He looked out: They were stood in the middle of a lonely Welsh field. There were sheep a few metres away, and it was hard to tell whether or not it was sunset or sunrise. The constant mask of clouds made it impossible to really know. “Thanks?”

The man merely grunted. “Just don’t be stupid next time.”

“Stupid, how?”

From beneath sheaths in the bands on his arms, he withdrew a knife. He chucked it at Neil, who caught it handle first. On one side of the hilt was an engraved sun, and the other a crescent moon. It had to be really old. “If I can’t be there, don’t get yourself killed.”

“So this will be a regular occurance?” Neil teased. “You saving my ass?”

“Make me a deal.” His eyes were like molten gold. “I protect you. You keep Kevin - and the rest of us - alive.”

“You know who I am.” Neil challenged. “You really think you can go against each and all of them who want me under their thumb?”

“I am protection and strength.” He sounded bored. “Of course I can. Besides, it’s not your problem to worry about. You just need to not get on my nerves, because no one’s saving your ass then.”

“I don’t even know your name.” Neil confessed. “How am I supposed to just trust you?”

“ ‘Just as the sun rises in the east and sets in the west,’” He quoted. “I don’t break my promises.”

Neil offered his hand. “Neil.”

The man looked at it momentarily, before clasping it. The agreement was settled. “Andrew.”

Neil wanted to know where the fuck Andrew had found this knife. It bore the craftsmanship of eons ago, the gentle casted ornate carvings, the inset of rubies for the sun and pearls for the moon. Stunning, really. Why he’d give it to Neil was another perplexing question.

He was not fond of the idea of using it. He remembered Nathan’s extended torment, drawing fear from Neil’s every pore in an attempt to control him. The man loved his knives. Over the centuries, weaponry and torture methods had adapted and changed, but knives had always remained.

He was sitting upon the concrete wall that fronted St Ives’ Tate Modern gallery, looking out at the churning ocean. It was dark, and the moon was hidden by the building behind him. The lighthouse upon a cliff to his right shone light out into the endless ocean.

This place would be stunning on a clear summer’s day.

When Jean walked around the corner, he was hurried. He approached Neil by running up the stairs, looking up at Neil where he sat on the concrete wall.

“You’d best allow Andrew to find you.” He suggested. “He’s very irritable, because Kevin is useless and won’t tell him where you are.”

Not many could find him: Another perk of his. He could toggle it on and off. His most recent Riko attack was because he had stayed too long in one place. But if he allowed a certain being to find him, it could be at any time.

Kevin, Jean, Matt and Wymack. Sometimes Dan, Allison, Nicky and Renee. Not often: Jeremy, Alvarez (ignorance) and Laila (innocence).

He rubbed his hands together in the cold, burying them between his knees. “Sure.”

Jean shook his head, and jogged away.

Neil could tell when Andrew arrived, because fingers wound themselves into his hair so that his head could be tugged back. Andrew was straddling the wall, one hand pressed with fingers splayed next to Neil’s thigh, the other holding his head up.

“How the fuck am I meant to protect you if I can’t even find you?” He growled.

“I forgot.” Neil shrugged.

With angered muttering under his breath, he turned to face the ocean.

“Is it prettier in the summer sun?” He asked, curious.

“What business do I have in caring about aesthetics?” He took a drag from his cigarette.

Neil supposed that was fair enough. A moment of tense silence passed. “You don’t need to keep me company.”

“Good.” He hopped off the wall and strode away.

Neil sighed and kept his gaze upon the horizon.

“You have managed to consistently rile up Andrew.” Kevin remarked. “That’s commendable.”

Neil simply arched an eyebrow.

“He doesn’t - can’t - care about anything enough to be angry. Usually.”

“He does not care about me.” Neil corrected him. “He simply is fulfilling his promises.”

Kevin still didn’t get it. “I mean, he’s consistently followed you around for weeks. But as soon as I try to get him more invested in what he’s doing, and his capabilities as, you know, the embodiment of the fucking sun, he ignores me!” He shook his head, bringing a mug to his lips.

Most of his fellow beings made habits of sleeping and eating and drinking, because they too could dream and taste. Neil didn’t see the need to bother.

“Maybe I have his best interests in mind.” He said.

“Oh, yeah?” Kevin shook his head. “Like what?”

Neil wasn’t actually sure. He simply took Kevin’s coffee and sipped on the strange smelling liquid. It tasted worse than it smelled. He made a face and put it back onto the table.

Kevin put his head in his hands. “The day anyone gets through to Andrew is the day the sun collides with the planet.”

“We might still be here, depending on how quickly the humans run themselves into the ground.”

“Wouldn’t count on it.” Kevin muttered, sullenly slurping from his drink.

Neil ignored his moping friend and stared out the diner’s shuttered window instead, watching raindrops slide down the glass pane.

Did Andrew really not care?

When Neil asked him that, he scoffed. “Of course not.”

Neil just looked at him, waiting for an expansion.

“You, of all the others, should know how pointless this all is.” He gestured around himself. Neil liked the angle of his fingers as they held the cigarette: With nonchalance, but also, with fearlessness. “We’re one of trillions. What difference does it make?”

“Scientifically, you’re the most vital aspect to this whole conundrum of living things.” Neil said, quietly. “I don’t understand how the individual on which the weight of the entire world rests couldn’t care less about it. What, is it too much to deal with?”

Andrew looked at him pointedly.

Neil looked back. “I shouldn’t be the one responsible for eternity. The sun is protection, and strength, and gives life. The moon is just some floating rock, reflecting the light you give. It’s practically nothing.” He felt himself curl inwards. “I am nothing. Time, life, purpose. None of it can mean anything to me. I’m just nothing.”

His hand rested on the back of Neil’s next, forcing his head to his knees. He hadn’t even registered the quickening of breath, the lightheadedness. Overwhelmed was not something he could risk. He was being chased after by those who wanted chaos and destruction. He was being yearned after for those who wanted to use him selfishly.

“Now you know why I don’t care about any of it.” He said lowly.

“because I can’t afford to” went unsaid.

It snapped Neil out of his strange spiral.

“You aren’t nothing, Neil.” Andrew said. His strange apathy was oddly comforting. No objectivity could influence the statements he said. “All of this is nothing without you.”

“That’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me.” Neil said, weakly.

“Don’t get used to it.” He let go, taking another drag. Neil plucked it out of his hand to take a steady inhale. He liked the way the smoke curled in the air as he breathed out. Andrew did not look impressed.

“I won’t.” Neil leaned closer to slot the cigarette back between the angle of his fingers.

The man scoffed. Together, they watched the sunrise over the limeston structures of Vietnam’s HaLong Bay.

This is nice, Neil thought. He did not dare say it outloud.

this was getting tooooo longggggggg so i thought: two parts?

although it might be nice just to leave it at that. idk.

#mythical au #andreil #all for the game #andrew minyard #neil josten #the foxhole court #if any of this makes sense can i get a hell yea #jem writes

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fuanteinasekai · 5 years

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Meta #3: The One Where It Gets a Little Weird

Please note: this meta is heavily focused on recent manga developments, so if you don’t want to be spoiled by it you should catch up on fan translations. Okay these aren't spoilers anymore.

Also, while I think reading my previous two metas would be useful in understanding some of this, I don’t really consider this a continuation per se, since this is purely focused on developments in the manga. I really didn’t want to get distracted by anime issues, for reasons which will perhaps becomes clear.

There are two recent stories with particular relevance to Tanuma and Natsume. (Well, three, in a way, but we’ll get to that later.)

First, “Tenjō-san,” a story that’s mostly about the four boys tracking down a mysterious, supposedly yōkai-related artifact for Himura-Sempai, a graduating senior from a different high school. Of particular note are two things:

The unusually strong theme of mortality. The story opens with Kitamoto in the hospital, having scared the boys with a bad fall. He’s fine, but Natsume and Tanuma are very worried. There’s also a subplot about an elderly man who once went on a similar mission with his own boyhood friends. He speaks wistfully of “Tetchan and the others” as if he lost contact—or they died. It's a reminder that human life is short—sometimes shorter than expected—and one cannot wait forever to figure things out.

Tanuma’s complicated feelings make a spectacular comeback. Both chapters of the story have at least one meaningful exchange between Natsume and Tanuma. In the first chapter, Tanuma encourages Natsume to be open about his doubts by telling him, “I still sometimes want to see the same world as you, but I think it’s because we see different things that we’re able to confirm things for each other.” In the second, he tells Natsume that he might need to keep Nishimura and Kitamoto in the dark just so he can have space to be normal, “Since I, out of worry, ask you if there’s a yōkai straight away.” This is framed as a self-deprecating remark and an expression of deeper insecurities, but also as something Natsume doesn’t understand (that is, doesn’t agree with).

The next arc is another long Natsume-Natori-Matoba story about the complicated lives of those who can see yōkai, and the different paths those lives can or should take. This story reinforces the image of Natori as a protective and somewhat controlling big brother, complete with another incident of Touko-san aggressively adopting Natori. It also emphasizes the difficulty of intimate relationships, implied to be romantic, when one has a connection of responsibility to the yokai world.

The story after that is where it gets… interesting. Setting aside my own personal preferences, at the same time as I’ve seen a lot of queer subtext between Natsume and Tanuma, I’ve also always [until recently] assumed Taki would be the eventual implied wife. She’s the only girl Natsume counts as a friend, much less close friend, and she’s the closest anyone gets to being on Tanuma’s level of intimacy. Having said that, I wasn’t happy about it. Compulsory heterosexuality is one of my least favorite tropes, because it always cheapens romance and I am a huge romantic. There are essentially no obstacles between Taki and Natsume—certainly none she wouldn’t share with basically any other girl—which makes the concept of a romantic arc extremely weak.

Yet not only did the opening of the next story appear to confirm our compulsory heterosexuality, it did so in such a laughably cliche way it seemed to circle right around to subversion:

It opens with a girl who acts like she has a crush on Taki (but not explicitly), squealing about how “lovely” but “difficult to approach” she is.

Nishimura-the-Projector assumes Natsume will be upset by Taki’s “boyfriend.”

Natsume claims to be upset because he was left in the dark, rather than because she has a boyfriend per se, which under cliche-logic reads as “denial” even though it’s a perfectly valid reason.

Jealousy trope-storm without actual jealousy.

The boyfriend is actually a relative! Heehee! Nobody acknowledges that this is heteronormative gossip at its finest.

Taki talks about her brother as if she’s trying to hook him up with Natsume??

Natsume notices… the brother… is “the cute type”???

No seriously, why would you do that now of all times?

In any case, this was all tremendously upsetting and frustrating. Since I would have to wait yet another four months (or longer) to see Tanuma again, I decided to temporarily skip the second Taki chapter and spend that time on a thought experiment/coping mechanism: What if it were a subversion?

At first I toyed with the idea of writing platonic Taki/Natsume and romantic Tanuma/Natsume separately, but it didn’t work out. While the idea of subverting “boys and girls can’t stay friends” in isolation is admirable, it’s not something with any basis in Natsume Yūjinchō. That is, Taki’s lack of romantic potential—if intentional—has always been illuminated by contrast with Tanuma, whether through the Furry yōkai/Ito-san pseudo-arc I described in Meta #2, or through more direct comparisons as in “The Time-Eater.” Thus, platonic Taki/Natsume and romantic Tanuma/Natsume are two sides of the same coin, and I approached my theory with this in mind.

Since this story was obviously heavily centered on Taki, with Tanuma having nothing more than a brief mental cameo, the only way to draw Tanuma in for comparison is the “pseudo-arc.” In that light, I created an outline of how the next three chapters should proceed if Midorikawa-sensei did intend a subversive, queer platonic Taki/ romantic Tanuma theme.

First, the real-world logic. There are two basic reasons why Midorikawa-sensei might write romantic Natsume/Tanuma the way it’s gone so far:

Standard editorial censorship. Natsume’s Book of Friends isn’t an international juggernaut, but it’s popular enough to be a reliable cash cow. So there’d be more pressure to stay within the heteronormative lines than in an “indie” manga. In this case, Natsume/Tanuma would never be fully canon, but consistent subtext.

Quiet natural development. That is, if Natsume/Tanuma wasn’t originally intended but grew organically out of character development, then there’d have to be a transition period from “nominally platonic” to “explicitly romantic.” Since they’re both boys and this is a mainstream manga (not BL), it would have to be handled much more delicately than M/F romance.

Some combination of 1 and 2.

The first is actually fairly common and much more likely than the second, though the second is technically a slightly better fit with how things have gone so far. Either way, we’d still be at the “subtext” level for now. With the socio-cultural context Natsume is being written in, shifting a character from “presumed straight” to “explicitly queer” is a complicated maneuver. M/M ship bait is very common, and even a sympathetic audience won’t necessarily trust build-up to be real. So if you want your audience to actually follow the romantic development, it makes sense in theory to present it as platonic emotional development (with subtext) as long as possible before moving on to romantic text. And the subtext, for the most part, can’t be the sort of thing that reads as ship-bait. Which makes “eventually canon” difficult to distinguish from “intentional, but permanently subtext.” For this reason, I won't bother to separate the two.

So, drawing on the way Midorikawa-sensei has written in the past, my theoretical pro-Natsume/Tanuma progression looked like this:

A second chapter of Taki, in which Natsume is implied to be a brother figure (consistent with my initial subversive reading—there are a lot of parallels between Natsume fretting about Taki and Taki fretting about her brother + Natsume and her brother both have complicated relationships with yokai that conflict somewhat with Taki's fangirl-glasses). This creates a sense of depth and longevity to their relationship, while at the same time pushing a more explicitly platonic reading. The “omg Taki has a boyfriend” opening subtly injects a question of romance into the entire pseudo-arc (not so subtly into Taki’s half), answering with “no, they’re like siblings” to the Natsume/Taki question, but leaving Natsume/Tanuma open in the second part. Ideally the girl with the crush on Taki from the beginning should return at the end as a nod to the queer reading, and to close the “Taki needs to talk to more girls” loop that was interrupted by the fake boyfriend.

The second part of the “pseudo-arc” would be two chapters heavily centered on Tanuma where:

There should be some sort of thematic parallel to the first (Taki) part, with a corresponding focus on Tanuma. I speculated that there might be a family theme, since we don’t know anything about Tanuma’s mom (in retrospect a poor guess—in Taki’s story the “family" was mirrored to Natsume), but it doesn’t matter what as long as it’s a definite parallel. [This is the basis for subtextually carrying the romantic question over to Tanuma.]

The parallel should be explicitly acknowledged in some way, however brief. [This acknowledges the existence of subtext and invites the reader to notice and pay attention.]

There should be other, smaller parallel moments, akin to the previous pseudo-arc’s Taki-Tanuma “lonely” mirroring. [This reinforces the existence of the parallel even though the plot is very different.]

The Tanuma story should escalate emotionally. For example, since Taki “listens to Natsume,” Tanuma should do something stronger like “take care of Natsume.” [This reinforces the romantic imagery, in contrast with something more brotherly.]

The trend of Tanuma being emotionally centered on Natsume, in contrast with Taki’s family focus, should continue. [ditto]

Tanuma’s feelings for Natsume should be more romanticized than Taki’s feelings, ideally on a level with “The Other Side of the Glass” and similar stories. [ditto]

No explicit references to romantic feelings, but a story more like a love story than Taki’s. Depth vs. surface. [ditto]

Ideally a reference to the “pond of emotional intimacy” would be super-great, but probably too much to ask. I think Midorikawa-Sensei forgot about it.

So what really did happen?

Just before returning to university, Taki’s brother says “I suppose I could leave [someone like] you in charge of my little sister,” which could be interpreted as deputizing Natsume as “older brother” in his absence. [I don’t want to make any definitive statements about translation at my level of Japanese—it can also be read as a patriarchal approval of the “presumed boyfriend,” though if Natsume is considering Taki that way, it doesn’t seem to fit Natsume and Sensei’s identical reactions.] Natsume then proceeds to explain her brother’s situation to Taki before happily allowing Girl-With-Crush to distract her with sweets. The ending feels very neat—as if their relationship issues have all been more or less dealt with. It’s essentially the opposite of what I expected from romantic Taki, in which we might see a certain ambiguous open-endedness, tension, or a sense that Natsume is reevaluating the way he sees Taki. There is none of that here.

And then there’s the next story. As predicted, it was heavily Tanuma-centered. This alone isn’t terribly meaningful, since we hadn’t seen Tanuma in a while. However, it also had a few… similarities to my outline:

It parallels Taki’s story with a “visitor” theme, and with the way the visitor arguably mirrors Natsume himself.

Natsume acknowledges the thematic parallel: “A visitor every day? I wonder if it’s family like that time with Taki.” I had to take a moment here to laugh hysterically; I wasn't expected it to be this obvious. (Taki: “boyfriend” → family | Tanuma: “family” → ??)

Several mirrored moments, mostly in the first chapter, including “what kind of person?,” Nishimura as contrast, the running, the explanation-of-the-problem, the shocked reaction to meeting, the final-bench-discussion and so on.

“I always get her to listen to me.” → “He always listens and smiles for me.”; “I too [will listen to you] the way you always listen to me.” → “You’ve kept me company so many times when I was mixed up with yōkai, so […] I will keep you company, too.” (When I initially wrote my outline, I had missed that he uses もらう for Taki’s listening, which downplays her intent. So even though his description of Tanuma is similar, this is an upgrade.)

Pretty blatant difference in romantic subtext, here. Taki is emotionally preoccupied with her brother and their grandfather. The climax is her brother giving her the gift he made with their grandfather as a small child. Tanuma is emotionally preoccupied with the gap in power between himself and Natsume and how that affects their relationship. The climax is watching their yōkai mirrors, in matching vessels, spiral together into the sky.

Tanuma clutches at his heart when Natsume calls his name. Tanuma wants to “see the same things Natsume sees, together,” Tanuma wishes he could be strong so Natsume wouldn’t “worry and [I/we could]…”. Natsume feels that Misuzu is “seeing through” him right after Tanuma calls him a friend. A lot of interruptions, unfinished sentences and unspoken feelings. Etc. Though Taki’s story opens with romantic cliche, and Natsume is very determined to be helpful, it’s Tanuma’s story that’s thick with romantic imagery. Taki’s story, by contrast, romanticizes the protective, sheltering image of the older brother, who cares for his little sister (and vice versa) even though they can't quite understand each other.

In terms of the “love story”: again, Taki’s emotions are centered on her brother. Tanuma’s are centered on Natsume, with even his desire to get to know yōkai being fundamentally tied to Natsume. Tanuma in particular is written with strong undertones of longing and trying to find a way closer, while Natsume gets little chance to think deeply or speak to Tanuma alone, distracted by the Misuzu problem and how it relates to Tanuma’s health and happiness. Tanuma’s story is also much more open-ended. While Taki’s story seems to end with a sense of satisfaction, Tanuma’s is full of tension. The question of how they come together safely (platonically or otherwise) remains unresolved.

The pond continues to play a metaphorical role as a place that symbolizes what they do or don’t share. Though Tanuma cannot see the pond itself, he can see shadows ordinary people cannot—in “Same Scenery” he referred to these shadows as something only the two of them could see. For Misuzu and Sasame, it is a literal halfway point between their marshes, and a place where they meet specifically to be together.[IMO, this is why it doesn't appear in "The Days-Eater": the symbolism of the pond is specifically tied to the two of them, so it would be inapproprate to reference it in Taki's presence.]

So… what does this mean? I don’t know. I promised myself I would let go of the queer reading if I got anything less than a Taki-Tanuma pseudo-arc—even if I got a story that heavily romanticized Tanuma without paralleling Taki’s story. Actually getting what I wanted, exactly what I wanted, is less satisfying than it might seem. Set against the overwhelming prevalence of heteronormativity, it's left me in a curious limbo of uncertainty. It’s hard to swallow the idea that my accuracy was a complete coincidence, but I may have been wrong about the reasons for this pattern.

While it’s objectively lazy, there’s a great deal of precedent in letting superficial romantic features like “cuteness” supersede features like devotion, so long as the former is opposite sex and the latter same sex. In other words, I may have the pattern backwards, with Tanuma being set up as platonic soulmate, and Taki as the romantic lead. Perhaps we are meant to draw a parallel between Tanuma and Taki’s brother as a “difficult older brother” figure (even though Tanuma is younger), given they are both “easily possessed.” If so, they have little else in common. The (simultaneous??) mirroring between Tanuma and Taki would probably be for the purpose of establishing Natsume’s most important platonic, non-family-like relationship as equally important to romance. This isn’t exactly inconsistent with the emphasis the manga places on the importance of platonic love.

Still, it’s an odd choice to make Taki’s feelings primarily about someone else if the story is meant to set a romance in motion, particularly in contrast to Tanuma. And the older brother/Natsume mirroring would have to be unintentional, since it’s a bit, um, awkward otherwise, which would mean the undeniable Misuzu/Natsume mirroring is coincidental. And so on. At its heteronormative best, “The Troublesome Two” is a story about Natsume’s crush on Taki, and Taki’s love for her brother and late grandfather. At its potential best, it’s a subversive story about how an unrelated boy and a girl can care deeply about each other without having romantic feelings—and about how girls aren’t necessarily more emotionally and socially competent than boys just because they’re girls.

In any case, Tanuma’s story is worth looking at a bit more closely.

First, a summary of the actual plot:

Tanuma receives a mysterious, persistent, explicitly gender-ambiguous “human” visitor who turns out to be Misuzu (the powerful horse yōkai) in disguise. He’s excited by the opportunity to get to know a yōkai, so Natsume decides to support him, despite his fears, by hovering like gnat and glaring at Misuzu while they go around looking at scenery. Eventually it’s revealed that Tanuma has been quietly possessed by Misuzu’s fellow marsh guardian… soulmate… friend thing, and that it’s this “Sasame” who Misuzu has been interested in, rather than Tanuma. There’s a climax where Sasame tries to escape being removed from Tanuma, and Tanuma empathizes with their relative lack of power because he sees Sasame (who is very weak) with Misuzu as being similar to himself with Natsume. Sensei confronts Sasame about their motivations, thereby leading to Sasame voluntarily leaving and joining Misuzu in their wooden-doll-possessing-competition… thing.

Though nominally platonic, the story is romantic and emotional, centering on the gap in power between Natsume and Tanuma and their mutual attempts to bridge that gap without actually talking about it.

The first thing I’d like to talk about is the imagery.

Chronologically left to right this time. Tanuma looks odd on the right because of Sasame. Friendly reminder that Midorikawa-Sensei hates drawing hands.

Japanese culture is not physically demonstrative or openly emotional in general, but young children and teen girls are allowed far more leeway than teen boys and adults. So much so that teen girls can even hold hands in a “romantic” way and still be assumed to be straight. This is not as visible in Natsume Yūjinchō as in Midorikawa-sensei’s other work, since there’s only one recurring teen girl. But it is visible in her art for Season 6 of the anime, where Sasada and Taki are holding hands in the background. It’s also apparent in the way that different characters express themselves. Female characters are more physically emotional, and more visibly vulnerable than male characters. For example, male characters do not usually hold their hands in front of their stomach or their chest—a somewhat defensive gesture—and will ball up their fists at their side instead. (Or use Sensei as a shield.) Male vulnerability is mostly expressed through facial expressions.

So even for a boy like Tanuma, this kind of emotional gesture is notable. A single example would be interesting. Two is suspicious. Three is a pattern. This fits the theory that this story is meant to break open a new arc in Natsume and Tanuma’s relationship; changing course requires far more effort than staying on the new course. It’s exactly what Taki’s story was yelling about right before it veered off into “family” territory—except Tanuma’s story stayed consistent. The hand-over-heart, standing-on-water scene was on the very first page, without even a chapter cover to get in the way. The longing, out-stretched hand is from a scene that sets the emotional context for Tanuma’s behavior. The heart-clutching is part of the climax. Every one of these is directly or implicitly linked to his feelings about Natsume.

The out-stretched hand is particularly important. This is the dialog that sets it up:

あのヒト妖だったのか… すごいものだな　普通に人間に見えているのに… ささいで小さな妖との繋がりのかけら　夏目はいつもあんなに苦労している　それを知ってるのに夏目が見ているものを一緒に見てみたいと思ってしまう　ー夏目は強い　おれもそうだったらあんなに心配させずにー　… どうしたんだ　おれらしくもない　…なんだか欲ばりだ

“[Spoken aloud to himself] That person was an ayakashi…? What an amazing thing. Even though they look like an ordinary human… [Internally] Such a tiny, insignificant fragment of a connection to ayakashi. Natsume is always going through so much trouble. I know that, but I still find myself thinking I’d like to see the things he sees, together. —Natsume is strong. If I were too, without worrying him— [it would be possible to do something]… What’s the deal? That’s not like me. …Kind of greedy.”

When Tanuma is talking to Natsume about something similar in “Tenjō-san,” his wording is vague, potentially even reading as envy though that doesn’t really suit the context. He says he’d “like to see the same world as [Natsume], sometimes.” Here in the privacy of his own mind, he’s more clear. This scene, with it’s implication that Tanuma wants to share Natsume’s world, is implicitly romantic—particularly in light of Taki’s furry yōkai story.

Though there were several moments when Natsume seemed suspicious of the nature of the furry yōkai’s feelings for Taki (never explicit), it’s reading the letter at the end that seems to convince him. In this letter, the yōkai expresses their gratitude for Taki’s help, and their desire to “see the beautiful mountains and beautiful valleys” with Taki. In fact, the wording itself is suspiciously familiar.

If we set aside the obvious differences and focus on the emotional core of the letter, we get:

[~]をともに見てみたいと思ってしまった。

“I found myself thinking I’d like to see [the beautiful mountains and beautiful valleys] together.”

Compare Tanuma:

[~]を一緒に見てみたいと思ってしまう。

“I find myself thinking I’d like to see [the things Natsume sees] together.”

There are two differences here. One, the word for “together”: the yokai’s letter uses the formal/written ともに, whereas Tanuma’s thought uses the casual/spoken 一緒に. The words are otherwise completely identical in meaning, so this difference should probably be considered functionally meaningless. The other difference is actually in Tanuma’s favor.

What I translated as “I find/found myself thinking” is the auxiliary verb しまう. This word has no real equivalent in English. It means “to finish completely” but is commonly used to add a nuance of lack of intention and probably regret to an action. For example, where an English speaker might say “Oh no, I forgot!” the Japanese speaker would say “I forgot—shimatta!” If “shimatta” sounds familiar, that’s because it’s very common and can even be used on its own (where it is frequently—and hilariously—translated as “damn”).

Here both furry yōkai and Tanuma are using しまう to express regret or even self-reproach for their seemingly futile desires as well as (in Tanuma’s case) the sense that the desire is selfish. The difference is the conjugation. Furry yōkai uses the perfective aspect—often taught as “past tense” because that’s the primary use—which indicates the completion of an action. Tanuma is using the imperfective, which indicates a lack of completion either because something is ongoing (recurring, not continuous), or because it is yet to be performed at all (future).

Grammatically there are a few different interpretations of perfective vs imperfective, but in this context only one thing makes sense. The furry yōkai is encapsulating his desire as a singular experience, something they have wrapped up and set to the side (consistent with their refusal to engage directly with Taki or allow Natsume to do so for them) and don’t expect to deal with in the future. Tanuma, on the other hand, considers this desire to be an issue he struggles with repeatedly and sees no quick end to. Even though he, like the furry yōkai, knows it to be impossible, he can’t let it go—and nor can the story.

Regardless of any potential parallels to Taki’s furry yōkai, this desire to see yōkai in order to share them with Natsume is a major theme. While we do occasionally go a few pages without being reminded, Tanuma’s motivations in this story are neither subtle nor subtext. The logic is fairly straightforward:

Knowing a yōkai ⇒ having a connection to the yōkai world ⇒ having a connection to Natsume’s world ⇒ being closer to Natsume.

The scene above lays it out all but explicitly, but this motivation is referenced multiple times (not in order):

—“I can’t let him keep worrying forever. If there’s anything that would help hurry things along even a little…” [While investigating a dream.]

—“I was happy that your ayakashi friend seemed to take an interest in me.”

––“[I miss feeling like I knew a yōkai but] I still had a good time, in the end. I got to see the same things as you.”

—“So that means I get to know a yōkai Natsume knows?”

The last one is rather telling. First, because it confirms the connection to Natsume is important to him. Second, because he says it while holding Sensei. Sensei does not “count” for this purpose because Sensei is not inaccessible. Even completely ordinary people like Nishimura and Kitamoto interact with Sensei on a regular basis, albeit without realizing he can talk. Tanuma wants more than that. But even more, he wants more than what’s available to, well, Taki—the other “ordinary” person who talks to Sensei.

Yet all of this serves only to reinforce a pre-existing theme. For Taki, the yōkai world is intrinsically emotionally bound to her grandfather. For Tanuma, it’s emotionally bound to Natsume himself. Further, he sees it as a barrier between them that he needs power to overcome. This has a long-running basis:

—When they first meet, Natsume makes it clear he wants to talk to Tanuma because he believes Tanuma can see the same things. Tanuma, likewise, wants to meet Natsume because he’s heard they’re similar. It makes sense, then, that he would see their relationship—and his worth as a friend—as being strongly tied to yōkai.

—In Tanuma’s special, his second major appearance, he frets about his weakness being the reason Natsume always lies and disappears without warning. He knows that Natsume is trying to protect him from yōkai trouble, but secretly fights the fear that Natsume is disappointed in his lack of power. The story ends with him wondering whether Natsume will ever tell him “what color the fish [in Tanuma’s yōkai pond] are” and whether he’ll ever be able to ask. Natsume talking about the yōkai pond, then, is established as a metaphor for Natsume opening up and treating Tanuma as a genuine friend.

—In the mirror arc, Tanuma borrows the yokai’s sight (i.e. power) because he wants to see what Natsume is reacting to. The yōkai later tells Natsume “It was what he wanted. […] Even though he knows [you’re trying to be kind] he doesn’t understand. Even though he’s right beside you, not knowing…” Earlier in the story, there’s a mildly comic set of exchanges where he repeatedly gushes about how “amazing” Natsume’s ability is.

—In “The Other Side of the Glass,” Tanuma’s flashback to Natsume not paying attention while he plays shogi connects the yōkai world to Tanuma’s perception of being kept at a distance. That is, Natsume is mentally drawn away from Tanuma by things that Tanuma (normally) cannot even see and therefore cannot work against. Tanuma eventually breaks down because he feels that in trying to be involved, he’s become “a burden” who “doesn’t know how far to intrude” and “doesn’t want to put up walls because of that.” At the end, he’s wistful about leaving the yōkai world and losing his sight.

—In “Distant Festival Lights” Tanuma reveals he “never even imagined” that yōkai were real until he met Natsume. Thus yōkai as something real to be wondered at must be inextricably bound to Natsume himself.

For several stories afterward, this desire is shifted to the background as the narrative focuses on what Tanuma can do: provide emotional support (as with Natsume’s story about his unwed grandmother) and run interference in the background. Tanuma’s desire to see yōkai does not come up during this calm period. However, the theme starts to creep back in with the ryokan story, along with his lack of faith in his own abilities—he assumes a real vision was “just a dream” because there’s nothing there when he wakes up, and apologizes to Natsume for reacting to it.

In Tenjō-san, he talks about how he feels about Natsume’s world:

夏目の世界はあいまいなものがいっぱいなんだな　おれは…やっぱり時々夏目と同じ世界を見てみたいなと思うけど　見えるものが違うからこそ確認しあえることもあるのかもしれないなって…

“Your [Natsume’s] world is full of ambiguous things, isn’t it? I… still think I’d like to the the same world as you, sometimes. But I also think maybe there are times when it’s because the things we see are different that we can confirm things for each other.” [Emphasis is original.]

In other words, this story is really just foregrounding something that’s always been subtext.

Which brings me to my next point: the use of mirroring. I assumed from the start that Misuzu was a mirror for Natsume in order to parallel Taki’s brother as a mirror. There seemed to be some basis for this in the first chapter—in spending so much time talking with Tanuma, Misuzu was preventing Natsume from talking to Tanuma. (Natsume frets about not getting to talk to Tanuma “at all” because the guest had been coming “for a few days.”) And in taking Tanuma around to look at various scenery, Misuzu’s actions are suspiciously similar to what Natsume worries about failing at: “Even though I have him right beside me, I keep him company with nothing but talk of scenery we cannot share.” [Emphasis mine.] The mirroring ended up being more explicit than I expected: Tanuma openly compares Sasame and Misuzu’s relationship to his with Natsume. This is an interesting narrative technique, for a couple of reasons.

Sasame—and Misuzu in particular—are not just yōkai. They are yōkai who act very differently from humans, to the point that it’s specifically highlighted. Of all the yōkai Natsume knows, Misuzu is one of the least human. They chose the form of a horse. They have a frog as a “retainer.” They once “tested" Natsume’s worthiness with a deadly curse. And in this story itself, they complain that they don’t understand why Natsume won’t just order them around, even though they specifically allowed him that power. In other words, they express themselves in ways that are not easily mapped onto human behavior. This is important because it allows the Misuzu/Sasame to Natsume/Tanuma mirroring to be opaque in many ways. For example, it’s not at all clear what the Natsume/Tanuma equivalent of possessing identical dolls and having a boisterous contest would be. This means that the story can move forward with strong emotional overtones while also refusing to define exactly what kind of relationship they’re supposed to have. It’s a convenient excuse to have two characters behave in a very romantic way without having to justify why they’re not actually in a romantic relationship. This is nearly the opposite of Taki’s story, where the use of her brother as mirror (if intentional) has strongly platonic overtones.

Another example of deliberate (and clever) muddling is in the presentation of Sasame and Tanuma’s emotions while Sasame inhabits Tanuma. Both characters are implied to be influenced by the other. Tanuma says “What’s the deal? That’s not like me. Kind of greedy.” Later, Sasame tells Sensei not to worry about Tanuma because “There was something off with me. [It’s not like me to] take advantage of the child of man this way.” Neither of them are really suggesting that the nature of emotions are strange, only more self-centered than usual. This suggests that their desires are so aligned, they effectively amplified each other, creating a stronger sense of desperation and thus greed. For example, both of them enjoyed their “daily routine” with Misuzu and Natsume, for related reasons. Sasame wanted to share Misuzu’s world, and Tanuma wanted to share Natsume’s world via Misuzu.

However, since Sasame!Tanuma’s actions are influenced by the emotions of both characters, it’s difficult to tease out exactly who is feeling what. When Tanuma is so happy to get dragged off by Misuzu, is that because—as he later tells Natsume—he was “happy that your ayakashi friend seemed to take an interest in me”—happy that part of Natsume’s world was actively trying to involve him? Or was it because Sasame was happy about Misuzu’s active involvement? To a certain extent, it’s beside the point. These characters are mirrors. What Tanuma feels about Misuzu is what Sasame feels about Misuzu is what Tanuma feels about Natsume. Both want to be closer and more involved. Both are afraid of being left behind, of being “unable to keep up.”

On a similar note, we return to the mirroring between Natsume and Misuzu. Misuzu smirks through much of the story, but shows serious vulnerability on more than one occasion—right before returning to smirking. This suggests that Misuzu is hiding just how invested they are. Though they express themselves in very yōkai-like ways, Misuzu is just as concerned about Sasame as Natsume is about Tanuma. Misuzu even uses the same phrase, 付き合う or “to keep company,” as Natsume. That is, Natsume says he will “keep [Tanuma] company” with Misuzu because Tanuma has “kept me company so many times when I was involved with yōkai.” Misuzu later explains their own behavior, saying that they only intended to “keep Sasame company in whatever it is they want to do.” Both, then, are shown to not entirely understand their companions motivations, but to want to indulge them regardless. The implication is that they mirror each other in their style of showing affection.

Further, both Misuzu and Natsume seem clueless as to their companion’s desires. Natsume shows progress in understanding, but is repeatedly distracted by Misuzu. Misuzu, for their part, claims that Sasame retains possession of Tanuma because Tanuma is “comfortable” and “easy to possess,” apparently unaware that Sasame is specifically enjoying the new type of companionship with Misuzu that having a human body offers. On the same note, Misuzu’s confusion about why they want to spend time with Sasame!Tanuma in such “odd” ways is interesting in the context of being Natsume’s mirror. It suggests that Natsume himself does not quite understand how he feels about spending time with Tanuma like this. The reveal that Misuzu was actually talking to Sasame only makes this confusion more poignant: Misuzu does not understand why they are enjoying simply walking around, looking at nostalgic places with their favorite companion, when they had come for a boisterous contest. This is another good example of how being yōkai make the parallels somewhat opaque.

Another interesting point is the way in which Natsume’s feelings balance Tanuma’s. Though we’re given somewhat more access into how Tanuma feels, due to Natsume being distracted by Misuzu, we do get a hint of the broader problem. Natsume is worried about whether Tanuma will “listen and smile” for him “forever.” Then he chides himself for only “keeping Tanuma company with nothing but talk of scenery we cannot share.” When Tanuma sympathizes with Sasame, he points out how “unbearably painful” it is to be “unable to keep up with your friend.” Both Natsume and Tanuma use いつでも “forever” in the context of trying to make their companion happy. For Tanuma, it’s because he knows he worries Natsume. For Natsume, it’s the concern about Tanuma's interest in "scenery we cannot share." Tanuma is worried about spiritual power, and how it would (in theory) facilitate being closer to Natsume. Natsume, on the other hand, is worried about his actual relationship skills. He knows that he’s not giving Tanuma as much as he should, but doesn’t seem to have any ideas about what he should give. The only thing we have to go on is “scenery we cannot share,” which suggests that moving forward might involve finding scenery they can share—exactly like they did with Misuzu. So there’s a sense that they’re both actively trying to find a way forward, but they’re not communicating well enough to do it right.

There is one way in which the story could be read as explicitly platonic. When describing the marshes that they and Sasame protect, Misuzu describes them as being “like identical twins.” If this is intended to mark them as “surrogate twins,” then obviously that would be a platonic reading. However, I don’t think this is the case. Instead, I think this more “soulmate” subtext. After all, it’s not Misuzu and Sasame who are described as “identical twins,” but the appearance of their homes. And place, in Natsume Yūjinchō, is often a stand-in for something like heart.

For example, many of Taki’s stories happen in her home, to symbolize the importance of family to her. Likewise, the Fujiwaras home is a symbol of the affection and safe boundaries they provide to Natsume. Natsume had to let go of the “Natsume” family home before he could move on from the loss of his parents. More dramatic is Reiko’s field of flowers: isolated, hidden from human and yōkai alike, a secret for Reiko alone, yet beautiful—and blue for Souko, the girl who came the closest to seeing her true self. The pond that’s so important for this story is also symbolic: it’s both the place where Natsume and Tanuma’s powers meet and the place where Misuzu and Sasame meet to be together.

But more directly relevant is the story of Gen and Sui: the gods who inhabited a “set of two” dog statues and protected a village from afar, until Sui’s statue was destroyed and she became a demon. The term 一対 implies either a perfectly matched set, or items that are nearly identical but with a twist (like male and female or silver and gold). So while the word “twin” wasn’t used in that story, it’s conceptually very similar to how the marshes were described. Misuzu is an explicitly genderless horse-person and Sasame is literally formless, but Gen and Sui were heavily anthropomorphized and explicitly gendered as male and female. And while the nature of their relationship is never explicit, Gen and Sui made much more sense as a romantic couple than as siblings. For one thing, their style of speech is consistent with an old-fashioned couple (similar to Touko-san and Shigeru-san’s). They also use similar romantic language as other couples, like wanting to “be able to be together forever” and being “happy because you were there.” So the reading that Sasame and Misuzu’s “twin” marshes are symbols of emotional compatibility—and their need to be together—is at least consistent with how Midorikawa-sensei has written in the past.

For a while I was troubled by the symbolism of Sasame’s fading marsh in this context. It’s a terrible fit for Misuzu and Sasame (and thus Natsume and Tanuma) being “like identical twins,” but didn’t seem to fit much better with the idea of their hearts being “like identical twins.” But eventually it occurred to me that the fading of Sasame’s marsh along with their powers did fit with a certain view of “heart”—just not the limited scope of love. In Japanese, “heart” has roughly the same set of metaphorical meanings as in English, but with an additional dash of “mind” depending on context. So think emotions, deep thoughts, sincere beliefs. Sort of an “inner self” thing. In this context it’s easier to understand how Sasame’s heart has been weakened. With their diminishing existence and the “widening gap” in power, Sasame is emotionally stretched thin. Fading hope, the strain of feeling left behind by someone they adore, the belief that the one thing they have no control over is the one thing that matters the most. This is Sasame’s fading heart—and this is what they have in common with Tanuma.

And in fact this fits Sasame’s dialog, as they wonder whether taking advantage of Tanuma, and focusing so much on Misuzu’s power, means their heart has grown “barren” along with their power.

This might be depressing but for the implication that it’s not actually Sasame’s or Tanuma’s power itself that has made them feel this way. It’s the fact that they have been following an old, inadequate rulebook with Misuzu (and Natsume), and need to communicate in order to adapt. Sasame frets about power, but when they comment on the “liveliness” around Misuzu, Sensei makes a point:

にぎやかから満たされているとも限るまい

“I suppose we can’t assume that lively surroundings always mean that one is fulfilled.”

This triggers Sasame’s memory of Misuzu’s “nostalgia” comments, and their realization that “It’s not as if [Misuzu] came hoping I would just be strong.” In other words, there is something about Sasame (Tanuma) that is important to Misuzu (Natsume) that cannot be replaced by all the other “lively” people and yōkai in the world. What exactly this means for them and their future is left unspoken, but it’s clearly emotional:

“I’m sorry [for what I did], child of Man. Surely, even without being able to keep up…[something they want will be possible]”

The way the story ends, as well, feels pointed. As I mentioned earlier, Taki’s story did not fit my conception of “setting a romantic arc in motion” because it felt too finished. The only thing arguably unfinished in the end is Taki’s new friendship with Girl-With-Crush. The end-cap is Natsume cheerfully affirming the importance of keeping promises to family-figures (in this case Sensei, to whom he promised an eclair for dealing with Taki). This is superimposed over an image of the gift from Taki’s brother and grandfather: a rock painted with floral designs (it's a fake yokai connection [the stonewashers], but authentic feelings). The overall feeling is that Natsume has solved all their issues. He convinced Taki she could talk to him, figured out why her brother was acting weird and helped the siblings uncover the gift that was meant to help tie them together, then finally observed Taki having positive social interaction with someone who wasn’t yōkai-adjacent. (Note that Natsume had nothing to do with Taki’s new friendship; it was the girl herself who worked up the courage to approach Taki. And she used sweets—the language Taki speaks—to do so, showing a higher level of mental compatibility than anyone else thus far.) There’s no sense that Natsume’s feelings about Taki have shifted, that he sees her any differently, or that he has any curiosity about her future romantic life.

On the other hand, the ending of Tanuma’s story does what Taki’s didn’t: it leaves a suggestive opening. Tanuma happily says goodbye “Again, tomorrow!” in much the same way as Misuzu has been, implying a return to regular close interaction—and perhaps a more deliberately “daily” interaction. Then Misuzu reappears, and smirkingly tells Natsume “Tanuma Kaname is a rather fun/interesting guy.” Choosing to use Tanuma’s full name for the first time is all but a wink, and using 中々 for “rather” suggests either they’ve begun to see Tanuma with new eyes—or they think Natsume has and they’re making a point of noticing— 中々 has a connotation of “unusually high” or “more than expected.” Natsume’s unimpressed reaction suggests he’s not pleased at the idea of Misuzu’s renewed interest or teasing, and he pointedly reminds Misuzu of Sasame, asking how their “contest” went. Misuzu’s counter that it is, essentially, private is overlaid on an image of the contest’s meeting place: the pond which, to Tanuma, symbolizes both the connection and the barrier between him and Natsume. The pond whose dripping water Natsume was distracted from when Misuzu arrived. This has a strong implication that there’s something about Natsume and Tanuma’s relationship that’s not meant to be shared outside the two of them.

This is all… more than a bit suggestive. But it’s not explicit.

It’s not clear how Misuzu and Sasame will move forward, considering they ended with the same “competition” as usual, but we know they have learned from the experience. Both Misuzu and Sasame found that they enjoyed a quieter way of being together, and Sasame began to realize that Misuzu sees them as more than just someone to play games of strength with.

Likewise it’s not clear how Natsume and Tanuma will move forward, though the fact that they spent time basically looking at scenery together is a neat counterpoint to Natsume’s lament that he “does nothing but talk about scenery we cannot share.” It’s also something they can do without Misuzu or Sasame—as they did with the fireworks so long ago. They do make explicit progress when Natsume, hurt by Tanuma’s reticence, reminds him that “it doesn’t matter whether it’s yōkai or not, if something is bothering you, you should tell me!” However, this is only a single facet of their problem. It’s the sort of thing they ought to have been taking for granted by now, but it doesn’t really answer the question of what they can actively do together to find contentment. There’s a sense that they’re making progress, but still have somewhere to go. Acknowledging that they want to talk about something other than yōkai is simply the first step in that direction.

In the end, there’s still quite a bit I haven’t gotten into: the use of suspiciously suggestive wording, and the way Misuzu is positioned as a subtextual rival. The way Tanuma’s insecurity about his powers mirrors his insecurity about his relationship with Natsume. The various connections to earlier stories. Tanuma’s romanticization of selflessness and the way this, with his insecurity, is an obstacle in their relationship. But this meta needed to end at some point, so this is as good as any.

I’m still uncertain as to the intent of this story. I still don’t know whether it meant to lay down romantic subtext or just sort of stumbled clumsily into it. But no matter what, it’s a deeply emotional story that solidifies Tanuma’s singularity and significance, and the importance of being closer to Natsume. So whatever may happen with Taki, or with Tanuma, there is some comfort to be had in that.

#meta #Tanunatsu #natsume yuujinchou #natsume's book of friends #tanuma kaname #Natsume Takashi #I know I said my other metas were kinda tanunatsu #But this one really is #anyway #spoilers #VERY spoilery #please beware if you're avoiding those #I still want to edit by I got a deadline #haha #And I'm not sure there's a really good way to write this thing.

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letterboxd · 5 years

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Trustworthy: The Lynn Shelton Q&A.

“I wanted to let myself have a bit of fun.” Filmmaker and actor Lynn Shelton chats with Letterboxd about the improvisational joy of her new film Sword of Trust, the “mixed bag” of streaming services, and the power of Claire Denis.

Lynn Shelton is a trusted director in the world of TV comedy, having helmed episodes of GLOW, Fresh off the Boat, Shameless, New Girl, The Good Place and many more. Along the way, she has written and directed several feature films that together form a smart, gently praised mumblecore-meets-naturalism oeuvre.

Shelton’s films are small delights, with low stakes and a human scale to them; introspective, contemporary chamber pieces that give her actors plenty of space to improvise. Your Sister’s Sister, which she wrote and directed, has been hailed on Letterboxd as a “terrific little character piece from three superb actors” (Mark Duplass, Emily Blunt and Rosemarie DeWitt), and her earlier mumblecore arthouse porno comedy Humpday (also starring Duplass, with a turn from Shelton as well) has received love for being “absolutely hilarious and deeply awkward”.

Her latest, Sword of Trust, which she co-wrote with Mike O’Brien (a.k.a. Pat the Pizza Guy from Booksmart), is a screwball inheritance comedy starring comedian and podcaster Marc Maron as Mel, a pawn shop owner. He teams up with a couple (Jillian Bell and Michaela Watkins), who are trying to hawk a Civil War-era sword. Together with Mel’s man-child shop assistant (Jon Bass), they are drawn into an absurd world of conspiracy theories.

Shelton’s association with Maron began in 2015 when she appeared on an episode of his exemplary podcast, WTF with Marc Maron. The following year, Shelton directed the first two episodes of the fourth and final season of the IFC series Maron (she also had an on-screen role in episode 11), and in 2017, she directed Maron’s Netflix special, Too Real. He is, it turns out, not only the star, but also the muse for Sword of Trust. “Since the first time I worked with him, I felt he had untapped depth that I wanted the world to see on-screen.”

Marc Maron as Mel and Jon Bass as Nathaniel in ‘Sword of Trust’.

What inspired the premise of Sword of Trust? Lynn Shelton: [Marc and I] started writing a script for a different movie but it was hard to make progress on it because we’re both so busy. I was getting frustrated since I wanted to get on set with him, until he told me he would show up for any part I wrote for him. For Sword of Trust, I was inspired by seeing a pawn shop and thinking he would be a great pawn shop owner and that it would be a great place for a narrative to unfold.

I knew that I wanted to give myself the opportunity to explore a new genre and do a screwball caper. It would be emotionally grounded and have authentic characters who resonated as real people, but goes on a misadventure; a comedy that allows itself to go into slightly unrealistic territories. That was something I’ve never allowed myself to do. Before this I always wanted to make sure that every single minute was completely realistic.

I wanted to let myself have a bit of fun. I also wanted to return to improvisation, which I haven’t really done since Your Sister’s Sister, which was nearly ten years ago. I was excited to return to that territory and I started to assemble a cast of people I knew that would be really good at improvising around Marc.

Lastly, I really wanted it to involve some sort of a con that was relevant to what’s going on in our cultural political situation. One thing I’ve been obsessed with right now is this peak moment we’re having in society of conspiracy theories and the idea of alternative facts. I wanted to make a film that would point it out, but also one that wouldn’t make you want to slit your wrists as you walk out of the theater. That’s where the whole conspiracy theory premise came from.

When you direct with improvisation, what structures do you have in place to ensure you and the cast keep the characters and the story consistent, yet also make sure you stick to the schedule? I built those characters with and for the actors, especially Marc’s character Mel. With improvisation in general, it’s important to have clear back-stories and relationships between the characters going in, even weeks before you arrive on set. I asked the actors to get together with the people they were supposed to have relationships with to get the wheels turning about who these people were. By the time we got there they were able to start spinning out some sort of narrative that reflected all of that work we put into their back-stories.

This is a very plot-heavy movie, which was tightly pre-constructed, so it wasn’t the kind of improvisational movie where you show up and wonder ‘what will happen to these people today?’. I knew exactly what had to happen in each scene to map out into the final narrative. In this case we had a 50-page scriptment, where some scenes are written out in terms of dialogue but actors were always free to toss the specific words out the window and come up with their own replacements. There’s a lot of room for embellishments or improvised little side roads.

There’s a moment I always think of: when Jillian Bell picks up a sale item she was inspired by in the pawn shop we were shooting at and she created a whole little funny side thing about it. People are inspired by the environment they’re in and something will just come out of their mouths and they’ll just go down that road. It’s a beautiful thing.

I ask them to do a lot of heavy lifting in terms of getting some exposition out while planting seeds, but outside of that they can really play and have the freedom to find their own way through the beats of the scene and add their own little grace notes to how the scene plays out.

Jillian Bell as Cynthia and Michaela Watkins as Mary.

Did anything significantly change between the initial treatment and final film? How does it transform on set from the core essence of what you have on the page? There were a couple scenes that ended up getting thrown out on the cutting-room floor after we had a few feedback screenings. We had multiple endings and we got rid of a lot of them, which didn’t seem to hurt the film at all. We also had some great scenes that were added along the way. Halfway through the shoot we had a little break and Marc suggested a new scene that helped round out a couple of the side characters that we hadn’t gotten a chance to get to know very well.

I had planned for the confederate thug characters (who try to get the sword from Mel in the pawn shop) to turn up again later when the four characters are at the farm, but it was Marc’s idea for Mel to recognise them from when they were kids and embarrass them about how they would come into his shop when they were younger. It’s a tragic story Marc paints about them and it really shifts your perception of these two bozos and gives you a sense of sympathy for them even while they’re trying to be tough guys.

I love when you can take a couple of characters who seem to initially be two-dimensional and then you find out some extra facts about them and you’re able to turn them into fully fleshed-out human beings, even if they don’t get a lot of screen time. It’s a wonderful thing to humanize characters like that.

The scene in the back of the van—which I think is really the heart of the movie—also developed over time. In the script itself it just said: “they get to know each other in the back of the van.” That’s all it said. That was the most fully improvised scene in the film. I left it open-ended because I had a feeling it would fulfil a really important role in the movie but I didn’t know exactly what it was until we got going.

It became clear there was an emotional journey with Mel as he starts out very shut-down and he opens up a little bit by the end. I realized this scene needed to be used in the service of that arc, so I told the actors that I needed them to open up to each other and be vulnerable to each other so the characters could become more intimate. A lot of the time they drew from real life, drawing from first- or second-hand experiences to build those back-stories.

You’ve settled into a real groove with directing television. Your resume in that area is really impressive. What keeps you circling back to film when you could keep making a career out of being a TV director? Most of my income is from television and I really enjoy the extra-collaborative nature of television. It’s almost a pathology with filmmaking—I can’t stop doing it! This is my eighth movie and I just love it so much. I love the little family you develop. Obviously there’s a lot of overlap in the process of making film and television since it’s basically the same thing, but when I’m writing and directing I have more of an opportunity to set the tone and really create from the top-down of what I want the culture of the production to be like.

I can be the creative visionary in a way that, until I create my own television show, is not going to be possible. If I’m the director on a show, I’m ultimately in the service of other people. Luckily, I keep working with really visionary and talented people. This film, I sort of willed it into existence and it’s nice. I really wanted it to happen, so I asked a bunch of friends if they would join me, and it ended up becoming reality and there’s something really lovely about that.

Your last two films and your Marc Maron stand-up special are on Netflix. Anyone can (and should) watch them at any time, and streaming has completely transformed indie cinema in this way over the past decade. Yet, there are so many films that they can all still get lost in the shuffle. How do you feel about the way streaming has changed low-budget cinema? What work needs to be done to support them? This is a constant topic of conversation between filmmaker friends of mine. I know a lot of friends who were able to get films made that wouldn’t have been able to if not for Netflix, for instance. I don’t know if that’s even going to continue being the case because they seem to be shifting their paradigm in the kinds of films they’re producing, but for a while there they were almost the last bastion of producing films of a certain size that weren’t just giant tentpole movies.

Obviously films are still being made, little- to medium-sized films, but the issue of them getting lost in the shuffle because of this vast ocean of content that’s out there—unless you have this big machine waving flags to say: “look at this over here”—they will continue to disappear into the ether. It can be disheartening for sure.

My last film Outside In [one of Shelton’s more highly rated films on Letterboxd] had a very tiny theatrical run and basically went straight to Netflix, so I don’t really have any sense of who is seeing the film. But it’s interesting how I do have people reaching out to me saying they didn’t know I directed it but watched it because of Edie Falco, or they were recommended it. People do seem to see the movie, I just don’t know exactly what the numbers are. You just don’t know, so it’s a very strange feeling.

On the other hand, it’s very nice that it’s accessible and it can be discovered. If I wanted to point somebody to one of my films on Netflix, I know they can easily access it anytime. Streaming is a real mixed bag for independent filmmakers. Right now I have about 30 theaters showing Sword of Trust and I’m so thrilled that even if it’s just a weekend, at least a good chunk of folks will be able to see the film and have the communal experience the way I wanted in the first place.

Lynn Shelton turns up on screen as well as behind the scenes, playing Mel’s ex, Deirdre, in ‘Sword of Trust’.

Finally, a favorite Letterboxd question: what was the film that got you into films? I could go to different points in my life. My mother was a huge fan of Jules et Jim so I saw that at a really early age and it had a big effect on me. It was the first time where I was ever aware of the filmmaker’s hand. I never started thinking about it until the one sequence where Jeanne Moreau is singing and it freezes and then it plays and then it freezes again and then it plays again and it made me realize there was a director who made that decision to do that. What does that mean? That got me thinking about filmmaking when I was really young.

Then later in life I heard Claire Denis speak when her film Friday Night was coming out. I remember finding out that she was 40 when she made her first feature and Friday Night was her sixth or seventh film. I had an epiphany that I could start making movies and it wasn’t too late for me because I didn’t make movies in my 20s and 30s. I didn’t make my first feature [We Go Way Back] until my late 30s. That was the film and filmmaker that really made me feel like ‘I can do this too’. Those would be my two bookends about being inspired to be a filmmaker.

‘Sword of Trust’ is on streaming services and playing in select US cinemas now. Images courtesy of IFC Films.

#lynn shelton #sword of trust #marc maron #maron #tv director #female director #directed by women #letterboxd

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incarnateirony · 6 years

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Standom Perspective: The GA’s viewing experience.

So, it’s no secret that stan twitter has a hard time discerning where their perspective ends in relation to a broad wash of the general audience. It is one thing to point out that the majority of the audience aren’t single character stans, the majority of the audience are not meta authors/readers, and the majority of the audience aren’t “woke,” but it’s another thing to really carve out what that means before people start yelling about “reasons the show will fail/is failing,” which generally miss the mark already like the recent claims of failing ratings. [1] [2] - and that’s just the recent ones. We’re not gonna touch on how long people have erroneously been citing ratings-death every year, though ironically source 1 touches on the same issue I’ve been talking about in my #ratings tag.

But the real point is - how does the GA react when not actually sculpted by occupants of stan twitter?

I’ve almost accidentally run an observational experiment without realizing it, with the recent streams of SPN by Sonalii Castillo, the actress from The Outpost that I’ve gotten to watch SPN. Make no mistake: Sonalii and I are friends, but I have gone out of my way to not sculpt her vision as much as humanly possible. In fact, it’s to the point I answer “it’s complicated,” or a few episode citations to rewatch when she asks me things that have a very Destiel-esque answer to them, like the “living life in reverse” or Amara finding Dean via Cas when Amara couldn’t find him herself. Answering these from my perspective would automatically paint a Destiel lens, so instead I’ll just direct source a related quote from an episode and/or tell her to watch it and draw her own interpretation.

She’s also point-blank asked me about the nature of Dean and Cas, what point it ends at audience and what point it begins in the show while she’s catching up and hearing about it passingly through people’s fleeting squii tweets. Even that, I’ve tried to leave simply at “it’s complicated, just enjoy it as you see it.” as best I can.

That said, I’ve been doing backflips to avoid heavily impacting her experience, but still catch questions, so I’d like to address some of this beneath a cut to really scale what a GA experience is like for someone coming in with no real extended knowledge of the series or production, and someone who watches on what we WOULD call a “casual viewership” level - and why ratings screeching, yelling about continuity failures causing nonexistent ratings-death, or whatever else simply does NOT match what happens in the GA.

Okay, first of. Sonalii Castillo is a bean. I adore her. And not in that hero-worship actress way, but on that “we hold long discussions every day and I know who she is as a person and what she aspires to be” way. So let it be said if any of my wording about her paints a knee-jerk bad reaction in someone’s head, to ask for clarification before going off on the woke-brigade or stan-mob effect on or about her, as I may be clarifying badly and I do not necessarily speak for her, as much as attempt to illustrate a general perspective about her that I may need to refine.

First: about the person, about who she is, what her viewpoint is, and her general standing in the GA. So first,

About the viewer.

She’s an (until-now indie) actress, writer, producer, but has never had an enduring role and never really watches shows THIS LONG. Most of her personal writing and producing is in the area of 20 minute shorts where everything is a quick pile drive of as much as you can accomplish in as little time possible. She knew next to nothing about Supernatural when I dragged her in, as ten years ago she applied for a certain female role we would all know and recognize, but got declined because she -- frankly -- didn’t meet the racial profiling needed. There was an ax to grind and I had to lighten that from her and she eventually caved as on a friendly level she heard me constantly talking about Supernatural with other people, and curiosity got the better of her.

Speaking OF racial profiling, she struggles in the industry. She’s technically afro-latina, but does not identify with the afro-side, to the dismay of some african-american fans of hers. She was raised in the dominican republic -- which is also why I cite cultural impact since they’re a little less progressive over there about LGBT than even in the US (no discrimination protections, far lower/latent same-sex marriage support rate, but same-sex marriage was legalized when the DR was bound under the American Convention on Human Rights), so I actually greatly treasure what is, for her, culturally an accepting mind she’s still willing to grow with. She released an interview recently where she cited that once she got to America, the black teens didn’t know what to do with her because she was too latina, but the latina people thought she was too black, but she was raised in latinx culture, so TLDR, she identifies latinx even if not all latinx people accepted her as such in the US, especially after a brief time in France adding other stuff to her journey. She actually commented that, from her perspective, the racial divide actually seems worse in America; that it could be wrong, but nobody in France or the DR looked at her skin color, and now she’s running into stonewalls of it everywhere. Too latina to be black or white but too black to be latina and too anything to be anything that fits anyone else’s mold they want for her.

Now - Sonalii Castillo is super-duper straight. She is accepting of queer people, she knows about me and Shea and engages us regularly about our relationship, that it “isn’t for her,” but she will never EVER judge anyone for who they love or are attracted to. But she is still enough -- perhaps culturally due to where she was raised, then moved to over time -- in the straight-bin she feels like being straight is “under-rated” in our modern society. She is on the defensive-straighty spectrum, but again, culturally, I understand why and I more choose to let watching me and Shea deal with life become a passive form of education rather than trying to aggressively indoctrinate her because frankly, that will go a hell of a lot further and she has a good soul and I’ve seen her start to gain awareness of things.

That being said, she is ALL UP on wanting to monkey climb all three of our boys and a lot of her fangirling centers around their visual imagery as much as anything else, although she’s definitely not an emotional brick and is able to empathize with clearly illustrated trauma and pain. She is not a single character stan. She loves all three, for different reasons, and often talks about their strength as a unit and how they compliment each other when reviewing events; she feels for all of them, and sometimes feels bad for not even realizing she should have been feeling for some of them in certain ways that had slipped her mind.

And, realistically, this is still representative of a large wash of our audience with a racial bend to it (since America IS primarily white, for better or worse -- mostly worse.)

I disclaimer this all to really give you a view of what a GA member may look like. Not all GA will be writer-producers, but oddly, her style of writing-producing actually has ramifications that make her miss very large swathes of seasons-long story arcing until she comes scrapping up like “Wait... so, wait. Okay, did that mean-” which... well, the GA will do too. She is often taken aback remembering certain traumas or dangling plot ends WEREN’T handled or WERE still out there, because she’s not out there to meta these episodes. She’s out there to experience the ride. The shock and horror on her when the Michael flashbacks started kicking up in season 13′s finale are extremely telling, dividing the line between the meta community and the GA.

To her actual viewing response, let me say a few things. These have actually been live streamed to the public. She comes scrapping to the audience watching her looking for answers often. If they’re outright spoilers, nobody answers. If they’re basic questions like why X effect did Z thing, people will explain. But by and large, it’s mostly reactionary effects.

Sonalii Castillo is a brilliant woman. She isn’t dumb. But she watches the show as it comes. She doesn’t sit here psycho-analyzing every motion for purity, she doesn’t break apart every potential plot hole or retcon. In fact, she hasn’t mentioned, noticed, or asked -- be it to me personally or the folks on the livestream -- about a single damn one. In fact, she has more questions about consistent canon elements confusing her than what the stan/meta community has declared as plotholes, sometimes accurately and sometimes not.

And that part is my biggest point to really make.

She didn’t flinch about Cas not seeing the demons; she didn’t even ask. She didn’t dig into any of the S6-7 plot holes or anything in Taxi Driver or ANY of that. Because your average viewer? DOESN’T NOTICE, MUCH LESS GIVE A SHIT.

I know that’s hard for stan twitter to wrap their skulls around, but it’s a simple fact. THEY DON’T GIVE A SHIT. That’s why it hasn’t hurt ratings before, that’s why (beyond it very obviously NOT tallying as mid-episode tune-out) it’s not the cause for any decline this year, and it never-ever will be. In the stuff I linked above to adjacent conversations, there’s any number of reasonable explanations, including: the decline is NOT as dramatic as people act like, it’s negligible and can have other explanations including Wayward axing, bad promotion, or a bad finale.

Speaking of the bad S13 finale, her hot take on it? She considered the finale epic still. To the side she told me, yes, the wires were terrible, and you could see that it was awful, but it was forgivable. Maybe that *is* her indie side showing and being more understanding, I’m willing to even argue that point, but odds are, not THAT many people are going to perma-grudge the show over the wires as much go “what the fuck?” and see if they fixed it later. A few might. That’s the great thing about a GA. It’s diverse.

Some arbitrary potential plothole isn’t going to ruin the show for the GA. Hell, bad wires isn’t going to ruin it for most of the GA. Anything you consider a character oversight for your personal favorite is not going to ruin it for the GA. Your character stanning point may even resonate with portions of the GA that do think like you do, but it is not enough to actually cause a widespread pandemic among the GA just because Cas was tied to a chair, or didn’t see demons, or Michael Dean isn’t Dean enough for you, or a camera blurred on Sam’s face in a few scenes.

Most won’t even fucking notice, much less care. Because the storytelling and cinematography and everything else is doing what it’s supposed to -- largely engaging the audience, and the audience is just as likely to have confusion “wait, what?” on actual canon-solid events that they have to doublecheck and negotiate backwards with information from six years ago as they are any brief “wtf?” momentary questionable plot events. And if they can negotiate those events with histories-old canon-solid events they can negotiate it with adjacent, subtextual, or even reasonable headcanoned reasons that they don’t even bring into question -- because why would they? They don’t have stan twitter in their fucking ear.

On a secondary point: Destiel

So here’s the fun thing about Sonalii and Destiel. Sonalii, on her own, while I bibbity bobbity bounce and dodge answering questions like that, has pretty much fulfilled what I’ve said about the GA. Or at least the straight GA. She sees things, she questions it, but she’s not entirely “sold” on it; she’s made comments that if it happened that’d be neat, she still squiis over “Awww, Cas loves Dean,” but she’s not out here 100% sold on DeanCas or shipping it or reading into it. Welcome to your aggressively straight female GA take on DeanCas. They see it, they occasionally coo about it, but they’re not sold on it as a standing product and are willing to consider other explanations or just not take it to heart until it happens, but they wouldn’t go fucking postal if/when it happens and wouldn’t be surprised, either.

This, of course, is different than if we were addressing viewership from queer-lensed viewers with a different origin than her, which accounts for 1/3 of the modern US population in our target demo (and 1-in-2 for our upcoming younger demo tilting into the bracket) [3], not counting highly receptive allies but people who tick onto the Kinsey scale in some degree.

So here we have a GA that doesn’t ask about plotholes, reads it through their respective interpretational lenses, glosses the surface quality as their minds parse it, and fill in the gaps with headcanons they don’t even realize are headcanons and just absorb as truths until something challenges it in active-canon to make them go “what?” - because the GA isn’t out here refining the exact border of canon, subtext, or headcanon. They are naturally negotiating the story as it unfolds, without interference. Now, if the queer-receptive-but-very-straight-lensed woman is going “awwwwww Cas and Dean” but “I’m still not sold,” but also “I mean, I see it though,” when people ask her or is even out here actively asking questions like what is going on with it, what do you think that means for our increasingly queer identifying audience as well?

Well, Jan, it means exactly what I’ve been saying it means. Don’t believe me? Check all the queerfolk that pour into twitter and tumblr after binge watching 12-13 seasons that are like “Wait, this is something people argue about? I thought this was just a thing???” and are utterly confused that it’s even in debate.

This of course says nothing for the aggressively-straight-lensed GA that are not receptive to LGBT or queer content. But the fact that we also see active outcry about “pandering” does tell us that they see it; they register it; they just simply want to dismiss it. It’s worth minding that 33% of the US is still opposed to same-sex marriage. Some are more passive in their homophobia than “FUCK THE QUEERS,” but it’s still a phobic tilt in society. Some of the same people opposed to it still endorse that they swear they love queer people, and you know -- I have a gay friend or whatever -- and may even try to be “progressively okay with” queer content so where exactly that 33% shifts down to is hard to say. It’s worth mentioning that every census in fandom has had a minimum 72% approval rate for Destiel, with something like 11%~ hard-against and the remaining being in neutral “Eh, no specific feelings on it.” 28% is not exactly far from the mark of 33% and to estimate 1-in-9-or-10 people in the US being giant cantankerous wankers about queer people still isn’t exactly way off the mark either, with like 6-or-7 in 10 being increasingly accepting and others floating in the middle, unsure how to feel, what to think, or what to do. Sonalii would be in that remaining central bracket, but tilts towards the supportive spectrum (I suppose #7 in the 6-or-7) and unshockingly, is in the “I see it/it’s cute/I’m just not sold/maybe it’s just a super weird bromance until it happens/it’s just not for me/so I’ll wait and see if it happens”) Given, those aren’t my hardest, most cross-checked numbers, but it’s basic observation skills.

That is a far cry from there being a majority of antis in the GA. But rather, like I’ve said, a heavy dose of support. The wide majority of queer identifying people in the fandometric supported Destiel. [4] Now, as queer is not a borg and we are not mandated to all like the same things, unsurprisingly, not all queer people liked Destiel. And that’s fine. Again, because we’re not a borg. But it was a remarkable minority. And someone is free to not like it, but flagging around an “i’m queer and don’t like it” card also doesn’t make you an auto-winner in a Destiel shut-down-argument when the vast majority of LGBT fans do. You’re entitled to your opinion. It just isn’t the only opinion, it is not more important than the next person’s opinion, and while “appeal to numbers” is itself a logical fallacy, if this were taken to a basic vote, yes, the LGBT community would come out with support for Destiel. And, by most censuses, the straight community would come out riding a VERY narrow line between support, or “I wouldn’t have a problem with it/I kinda see it/it’s just not 100% yet/meh” with only a minority screaming about how awful it is.

Let’s really double back to the census.

According to the census, the loudest screamers actually weren’t our antis. The loudest screamers were:

Male, Straight [5]

Conservative [6]

40+, especially 60+ [7]

Not all were all-of-the-above on the list, some only ticked a few of the boxes, but some also filled all the metaphorical boxes by basic vector overlap.

Also let me lay to rest the whole “it was all Cas fans that showed up to the survey so that’s why it was high Destiel” myth by dropping this. [8]

Let’s all be amazed that straight old conservative [read as: 89% white] guys don’t like the Destiel content. It came down to about 31% of straight-identifying men. Or, roughly, a cap of 10.3% of our demographic by general US demographics and known SPN male/female ratio outside of fandom centers. And possibly as low as 7.75% or LESS within target demo. Also unsurprising to us, straight-identifying women are more receptive to the content in regards to queer male content, because, IDK, just a shot in the dark here -- they don’t feel threatened by it to their own identity or some concept of “moral standard”; let’s not pretend we don’t 100% know conservative white dudes are totes okay with lesbians but gay men, that’s where they draw the line, because logic.

The rest are numbers that, unsurprisingly, tilt in female conservative, with a tiny overlap from bro-onlies that are the antis we know and love-to-hate.

Yes, the census has declared it isn’t 100% scientific. That’s just an outright responsible thing to declare. But it ran IP-checked individuality testing, it circulated across numerous platforms, and it resonates with every other online demo report we have today on modern trends, from hashtags to google search frequency, to even the imdb data an anti tried to break out on me only to admit it matched my point and not theirs, and yet they doubled down saying that didn’t prove anything either. Also cuz logic.

This census, partnered with other matching trends, external polls, and basic industry awareness, is as close as we will get to a scientific breakdown of our demographic, especially since they went to exorbitant lengths to break down everything from age, gender, politics, favorite character and whatever else to view them by percentile response we can scale into the surrounding US population or general show demographic by their independently displayed percentiles. Because 500 hard conservatives, not even minding libertarians or moderates in their own pool? Is a pretty damn big test group on its own. And you can view their percentile findings independently. And shock-and-awe, when scaled into all of our other information, it still adds up to everything we see.

And that’s another thing to keep in mind in the red/blue demo divide. Not all red is the same. Not all blue is the same. Not all reds are raging homophobes, some are voting red on fiscal opinion (though this administration is thinning that line), some are phobic-coded but not outright hateful or vindictive about it as much as they are learning. Libertarian tends to count as red in a basic census that only gives you one or the other. It’s a form of conservatism. Moderates tend to still identify more red than blue, or at least did a few years ago, this last presidency seems to be shifting that into moderates identifying blue. But go figure, our last red vs blue census for SPN that was a reliable polling source and not some poll on a rando website that ran for a few days with some basic bitch “What’s your favorite TV show” questions ... was a few years ago.

This really isn’t hard.

TLDR takeaways:

GA doesn’t give a shit about your declared plotholes

GA doesn’t give a shit about your character stanning

GA by and large recognizes Destiel in some capacity, with conservative old dudes hating it, a bundle of neutrals passively spotting/sighting/supporting it, and a whole lot of queers and allies yelling that they love it

You literally just have to watch people watch the show without intervening and filling their head with your horse shit to witness this

Also she completely independently raged when she realized Wayward Sisters was a spinoff that got axed and is like, WHY THE HELL WHAT WHY WOULDNT THEY IT WAS AMAZING WTF WHYYYYY so that’s a thing.

And that’s the tea.

#supernatural #demographics #casual viewers #general audience #ratings #and a little bit of #destiel #but mostly how arbitrary stan twitter is

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