#the life of an Eldian of the Continent

[blaxcunicorn]

Diaboli's Angelus

Chapter: 8

Length: 6.9k

Authors note: Heeey, it's me again! sorry for being inconsistent. I sometimes struggle to post as I am rarely happy with my work hehe. Hope you have an amazing holiday and hope you enjoy the chapter❤️

Content warning: SA, parental neglect, death and depression

Tag: @okaystopwhore

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Zeke’s story starts fifteen years before Eren is born. At that time, Grisha was only the crown prince of Eldia. While sitting in the throne room with his parents, the rulers of Eldia a shaken, beautiful blonde, is let into the room. Her clothes were clean but you could tell that her clothes were worn out. The ladies of the court giggle behind their fans which Grisha responds with a deathly glare. The young woman turns red while shakenly curtsy. “What’s your name, love?” The queen asks the poor girl. Her heart ached for the young woman. She looked like a scared dog. “Dina, Your Majesty,” she says not daring to look at the Queen. “I can tell by your accent that you are not Eldian. What takes you to Eldia?” The Queen continues. “I escaped the growing poverty in Marley. I ended up in Eldia in hopes of finding a job as a maid for the royals.” Dina says, looking up in hopes of finding any form of kindness in the rulers' eyes. That’s when Grisha gets a proper look at her beauty. He is quickly taken by her beautiful soft blue eyes and grace.

Grisha quickly turns his attention to his father’s sigh “We would have loved to take you in, but there are just not more positions for maids in the Castle.” His father says with a heavy heart. “I-I understand, thank you for your time.” She says softly while turning around in humiliation. “W-Wait!” Grisha shouts as Dina is on her way to the door. “My main maid is old and might need some assistance.” He says quickly, a bit embarrassed of how everyone was looking at him. His father nods “Thinking about it. Margaret is getting quite old. She has been working in the palace for the past fifty years. Getting her a little support wouldn’t hurt.” The King smiles. “Thank you so much” Dina curtsies for Grisha and his parents. 

Dina Settled into the work immediately and grew quite close to Margareth, who has taken a maternal role in Dina’s life. Grisha is taking a stroll around the palace when he sees Margaret and Dina hanging up clothes. “Are you settling in, Dina?” He asks with a smile.  “Yes, thank you, Your Highness.” The young maid blushes.

One day Margaret fell a bit ill and tasked Dina to clean the Prince’s chamber. While dusting around, she finds a door. She thought it was an extension of the chamber that needed to be cleaned as she opened the room, she saw that it is a bit office hidden behind that door. The office, unexpectedly spacious, was adorned with an intriguing array of artifacts that vividly showcased the prince's intrepid nature. Richly coloured tapestries graced the walls, portraying distant landscapes and enigmatic terrains, imparting an air of exoticism to the room.

At its heart lay a majestic oak desk, impeccably organised with scrolls, maps, and ledgers. A collection of antique globes graced the desk's surface, offering a visual narrative of the world's diverse continents and vast oceans. Shelves were adorned with captivating trinkets and treasures from distant realms—a display of delicate seashells, finely crafted figurines, and small chests filled with vibrant gemstones.

Maps of varied sorts bedecked the walls—an assortment of meticulously detailed charts revealing intricate trade routes and unexplored territories, alongside weathered parchments evoking ancient lands lost to time.

The sight captivated Dina, transporting her imagination to realms of wonder and adventure, a stark departure from the confines of her routine within the palace. The scene before her instilled a profound sense of admiration for the prince's ventures, kindling within her an earnest longing to venture beyond the castle walls and explore the unknown. She takes a close look at the maps before hearing footsteps behind her. She quickly turned around and apologised to the prince. “Don’t apologise. It is a big world we live in. Are you interested in travelling?” Grisha asks with a soft smile. “I-I never thought about travelling. I have never been travelling as I grew up in the Marlian internment zone.” She says, a bit ashamed and embarrassed. “How was it like? Your childhood.” Dina’s eyes widened as no one had ever taken any interest in her and her story. She tells him about her being a  bastard andabandoned on the streets but was luckily taken in by a poor woman that she considers her mother. Her mother died in a robbery while bread shopping. Dina feels her heart arch thinking about her mother “Have you heard about the seven seas?” Grisha quickly says tochange the topic as he notices the sadness washing over her. That night they stayed up talking about the world and Grisha’s travels. It was that very night Dina and Grisha fell in love. 

Dina became quickly known for being a beautiful flower in the castle, always respectful and kind. She caught many admirers' eyes, especially a knight by the name of James. He has proposed to her at least three times but she declines them every time as her heart belongs to Prince Grisha. James, however, did not take it lightly. One night after a long shift, he traps Dina as she is on her way to the maids' courter. He quickly pushes her onto the wall, trapping her while trying to slide down her underwear. Dina’s screams were quickly shut by his hands. “If you don’t want to marry me, I guess…I have to impregnant you to get what I want” he growls in her ears. Tears are streaming down her face as he rips her top exposing her bare breasts. Luckly her short scream was heard by Grisha who were taking a short walk through the palace. He rushes over to find the two of them, all Grisha sees is red as he punches the knight. James was about to fight back only to realise who hit him knowing that putting up a fight will lead to his execution the very next morning. Grisha on the other hand punches him in anger none stop, not realising the vlood dripping of his knuckle. Dina pulls his arm away from James bloody face“Your Highness, it's enough, please stop”, she cries, bringing him back to reality.  Grisha tells him to leave tonight or else tomorrow will be the last day for him to see the sunlight.  Grisha leads Dina to his chamber and wraps a blanket over her to cover her exposed chest. They sit in front of the fire as he comforts her, that very night they shared their first kiss. Their relationship started blossoming from that night. Grisha would leave Dina love letters, making her blush like a school girl.  Dina would spend the night at Grisha’s chamber and leave early right before sunrise. Margaret grew suspicious of them as Grisha would under breakfast squeeze Dina’s hand while thanking her for serving him. The old maid pulls Dina to the side “You need to be careful, my dear” she says concerned. “There is nothing to worry about Margaret” Dina responds giving her an reasuring smile. As the blonde servant was on her way out of the room she collapsed. “Dina!” Grisha shouts rushing to help her. Hisparents gave each other a look as their son’s action was a bit weird. “Margaret, please take her to a doctor!” He orders. Margaret is next to Dina, she was only allowed into the room by because she told the doctor that she is her mother, which the doctor finds a bit strange since they have different accents. “Contratulations Dina, you are with chid.” The doctor smiles. Silence filled the room and the doctor leaves due to the awkward nature of the situation. Margaret grabs Dina’s shoulders and whispers “Who impregnated you?” Dina cries and reveals that Grisha is the father of her child. “My dear, you need to get rid of the child.” Margaret says stroking Dina’s back. “I-I can’t do it. The child is innocent” She hulks. The elderly maid sighs and tells her that she needs to tell Grisha, gather her stuff and leave before the king and queen finds out. 

Later that evening, Dina tells a shocked Grisha that him that she is with child. “We could run away together and raise the child.” She says hopeful. That dream got crushed quickly by Grisha that tells her in a shaken voice, that he is going to marry the daughter of the head of the Shiganshina province in order to settle the ongoing civil war.Dina cries as reality hits her, those precious moments she shared with Grisha clouded her logic. He is going to be the next ruler of Eldia while she is just some poor girl from the slums of Marley. “I assume that you wish to keep the child as you suggested that we…” Dina responds with several short nods. “I will fix a house for you in Marley. No one can know of this pregnancy because if my parents were to find out, they would force you to terminate the pregnancy, with or without you being alive. In addition to that, it might ruin the marriage deal with the Shiganshinas.” Dina nods as tears are streaming down her face. Grisha raises her head with his fingers under her chin. “Come back once I’m King, and I’ll try to see if I can sort out some agreement for you to live safely here in the Kingdom. It might take a couple of years, but I wish also to raise our child,” he says, touching one hand on her stomach. The night after was Dina’s departure, Grisha had not come to bid her farewell as he didn’t want to bring any suspicion onto Dina’s disappearance.

Dina felt miserable in Marley, don’t get it wrong, she had everything she needed and more. Grisha installed loyal Marlian servants to assist Dina with everything she needed. She didn’t have to lift a finger. However going through her first pregnancy alone is something no woman wishes upon herself. They were seven lonely months, and Dina was not in any circumstances, allowed to communicate with people from the outside. The servants were strictly told by Grisha that no one could know about Dina’s pregnancy. Her depression vanished on August 1st when she gave birth to a beautiful baby boy. He had her blue eyes and blonde hair. He was perfect. All she could do was sobbing and whisper, “I’m so sorry, you have just taken your first breaths and already is your life going to be a living hell because of me…Zeke…however, I promise you it will get easier”

Zeke was a quiet child, and he preferred to play within his mother's proximity. Many of the servants pity him as it might have been a result of the two of them being isolated from the outside world. Dina sent Grisha several letters regarding Zeke’s birth and their well-being, but she never received any letters back. Dina was still hopeful, and he might not respond in fear of his parents. As soon as Grisha becomes King, they’ll be able to move back to the Eldian palace. Zeke will be able to get freedom, have friends and get some proper education. She looks over at her son reading a book. 

Zeke on the other hand was a smart kid, he has several times overheard his mother talk to the servants about this “Grisha” and how she is desperately longing for him and can’t wait for him to meet Zeke “his son”. He didn’t know anything else about his father, but was smitten by his mother's positivity and patiently awaited his father’s arrival along side his mother. 

However, when Zeke turned eight did his impatient crumble. He saw a bunch of kids his age playing outside the house. This is the first time Zeke has every seen kids around his age, as the house was isolated in the middle of the woods. The kids however were shooed away by some of their servants. “Mother, who is Grisha?” Dina’s eyes widen and tears are streaming down her face. “Honey, where did you learn that name from?” Zeke looks down in a mix of guilt and shame. “I-I have overheard you talk about him, i-is it true? Is he my father.” Dina embraces Zeke in a hug and sobs “Y-yes.” She sniffs causing chills down Zeke’s spine. “Mother, why am I not allowed to play with other kids?” Dina freezes. She has not prepared for this conversation as she hoped that their lives would go back to normal sooner than this. “W-we are waiting for your father to let us out of the house.” Zeke was confused but trusted his mother’s words. 

However, those words would be in vain as she fell ill right after his ninth birthday. Zeke never left his mother’s side as he prayed and hoped that his father would show up to get them out of the prison of a house. The last thing he wished was for his mother to die, lonely.The doctors suspected that Dina felt ill due to her being isolated for so long. Dina died three months later. Zeke was rushed out of her bedroom one morning after tiredly trying to wake his mother for breakfast. One of the maids came out with tears in her eyes. Her name was Fanny, and she had taken care of Zeke while Dina was ill. She was also Marlian, and she grew fond of both Zeke and Dina. Her husband, Ksaver used to throw ball with Zeke from time to time. “Z-Zeke…I’m so sorry,” she hulks, embracing the little boy into a hug. Ksaver comes running up the stairs and is in disbelief. They all thought that Dina was going to be better, they rensured Zeke all the time. The married couple, however, are shocked to see no tears running down Zeke’s face. He was more furious than sad he killed her. He killed her, is all  Zeke can think. “Zeke, can I talk to you for a minute?” Ksaver says, escorting the young blond out of the house to talk. “Here, Zeke, these are three envelopes  from your mother.” Zeke stares at them in confusion. They are addressed to three people. To himself, to  King Grisha and to Queen Carla. “King Grisha? Queen Carla?” Zeke says, confused. He rips open the envelope addressed to him

To my dearest Zeke,

As you probably have seen the title of the other envelopes is it true, you are the illegitimate son of King Grisha of Eldia. His Majesty and I met when I was a young servant at the royal castle. We fell in love, but life as its twisted ways. Which resorted in you being born and us having to isolate until His Majesty called for our return.

Zeke, from the bottom of my heart, I apologise for getting punished for my mistakes. I’m sorry that I couldn’t provide you a happier and better childhood, with lots of laughs and friends. However, I want you to know that you are my greatest achievement in life. I couldn’t have asked for a better son, the cold  loneliness of being isolated was hard on my but you brought warmth and sunshine everywhere you went. 

My final wish for you is to live a happy life with lots of joy. 

Love,

Mom.

Zeke can feel the letters fade as tears are streaming down his face. “Zeke, you are the heir of the Eldian throne”, Ksaver says, kneeling in front of the young boy. The other Marlian workers kneel as well. “Zeke, I want you to meet King Magath of Marley. He’ll help you with the next steps, as being an illegitimate King is borderline impossible. However, remember that your father owes you that after what he put you and your mother through.” Ksaver finished, standing up. Zeke gives him a firm nod “Tell me, when can I meet King Magath?” he asks Ksaver. “I’m right here.” One of the men stood up, and he was dressed like a farmer in order not to draw attention of his subjects. “Prince Zeke, it will be an honour to assist you in taking the Eldian throne. Having a Marlian raised King in Eldia would strengthen Marley’s position.” Zeke gives the King a firm nod “I appreciate your help”, The boy says. What he does not know is that the Marlians want to use him as a puppy. They will use Zeke as the face of the Eldian regime but control everything from the shadows. 

It's been a year since his mother’s passing, and during that year, he went through an intense preparation for this day by the Marlian courts. They taught him how to behave in the courts and what was expected of him as a prince. He is currently sitting next to Ksaver on their way to the Eldian palace. As they arrive outside the castle, Zeke takes a deep breath admiring his castle. They are eventually let in by guards as they explain that they are here on behalf of the Marlian throne. They enter the Court hall, and there he sits, the devil himself, Zeke grits his teeth Just looking at his father makes him wanna vomit. Next to Grisha sits a highly pregnant Carla stroking her belly. Zeke’s stomach sunk at the view. He mentally prayed that the child was a girl. “I present to you, Prince Zeke Jeager of Eldia” Ksaver announces. The whole Court gasps and Grisha looks like he has seen a ghost. To Zeke’s surprise, the King runs down from his throne and embraces him. “Oh, Zeke…how I wanted to meet you.” Zeke remains stoic as his father cries. Everyone was shocked except Kenny Ackerman. Kenny was furious as he had spent the last nine years hiding the letters Dina wrote to Grisha and replaced them with a letter stating that she wanted nothing to do with him or Eldia and how she felt it was best if she raised Zeke by herself in Marley. “Father, I have these letters from my mother.” Grisha takes a good look at his son, and he is as beautiful as his mother. Grisha takes the letters but is confused, “Isn’t she here as well?” He asks. “She is dead,” Zeke says short gritting his teeth. “Dead?” Grisha almost lost balance. “Your Majesty!” Kenny shouts, catching the King and leads him back to the throne.

Grisha takes a look at the two envelopes, one addressed to himself and another addressed to Carla. He nervously hands over Carla the envelope. Carla has known of Zeke’s existence for years. Grisha was nervous to tell her, but he owed the woman he loved the truth. You read it right, Grisha fell for Carla the second he saw her. She was the opposite of Dina, loud and witty but he loved it about her. They bonded over their interest of travelling and aspirations of the future. Carla understood him in ways no other human being on this earth did, which led him to fall for her. He didn’t forget about Dina, but he wanted to respect her wish to be left alone. Grisha looks over at Carla, who is staring at him, waiting for him to open his letter. 

Dear King Grisha,

I hope this message finds you in good health and prosperity. It is with a heavy heart and a sense of urgency that I pen these words to you, knowing not if they will ever reach your eyes. As I write this, my time in this world draws near to an end, leaving behind a longing for what could have been.

Our shared past is one of secrets and whispers, hidden away from the scrutiny of the court. In the clandestine whispers of our love, a beautiful son was born, a testament to our youthful passion and affection. He is the embodiment of our fleeting moments of joy, and he carries within him the blood that binds us.

My days in this realm are numbered, and it pains me deeply to leave our son behind. As a mother, my only plea to you, my beloved Grisha, is to embrace our child with the same fervour with which we once embraced each other. I beseech you not to let the circumstances of his birth cloud your perception of him.

He is your son, borne of our shared love, and he deserves the warmth of your protection and guidance. Please, in the name of the love we once shared, grant our son a place within the kingdom. Let him not be tainted by the stigma of being illegitimate; let your love and grace be his sanctuary.

I entrust his future into your hands, praying that you will watch over him and nurture him as your own. I implore you, do not let our son suffer the ill fate of being marginalised for something beyond his control. He deserves a chance at a life worthy of his lineage.

In my final moments, I find solace in reminiscing about the happiness we shared in our time together. The memories of our love are etched in the fabric of my being, and they shall forever remain the source of my fondest moments.

I bid you farewell, my beloved Grisha. May our son find favour in your heart, and may your love and compassion shield him from the trials of this world. Know that I was at my happiest when we were together and that love will forever endure in my heart.

Yours eternally,

Dina

Grisha’s heart felt heavy, she is dead? He shakes the feeling of as he sees Zeke stare at him. He needs to be strong for his son and his wife who is currently staring at her who is looking down on her envelope. “D-do you wish to open it?” He asks her. She just nods and shakenly opens the envelop addressed to her. 

Your Majesty Queen Carla,

I hope this letter finds you in good health and high spirits. As I write these words, my heart weighs heavy with an immense burden that I am about to place upon your gracious shoulders. Please, I beseech you to hear my plea with an open heart and mind.

In the shadows of the past, a secret was buried, one that I must now unearth before I depart from this world. It is a secret that carries both the weight of love and the burden of responsibility.

I address you with the deepest reverence, fully acknowledging your role as the Queen and wife to King Grisha. It is not without the utmost respect and humility that I convey my earnest request to you.

In the fleeting days of my life, my thoughts are consumed with the welfare of our son. The child borne of a love once shared between King Grisha and myself. I am acutely aware that this revelation may place an unexpected burden upon you, and for that, I offer my sincerest apologies.

My only wish, Queen Carla, is for you to extend your graciousness and compassion to our son. He is innocent, blameless for the circumstances of his birth, and my deepest prayer is for him to live a life of happiness and safety.

I beseech you to consider him as one of your own, to embrace him with the same love and care you extend to your royal children. Allow him to flourish within the warmth and shelter of your heart.

I understand the complexities that such a situation may bring upon your household. Therefore, I solemnly promise that our son, Zeke, will not seek to assert any claim to the throne. His aspirations lie elsewhere, and I implore you to nurture his dreams with the same kindness you bestow upon your own offspring.

Please forgive the weight of this request, Your Majesty. It is made with the purest intentions, solely for the well-being of our son. I entrust his future to your benevolence and grace.

With the deepest gratitude for your understanding and compassion,

Dina

Carla’s tears are dripping on the letter, how could she shun away this young boy. “I promise, I will Dina” she whispers quietly to herself. “Darling, we should take him in and hire him a tutor. H-he can stay in the prince chamber next to the great hall.” Carla suggests. Grisha smiles as he squeezes Carla’s hand. “Would you like that, Zeke?” The blonde boy nods smiling. He looks over at Ksaver that gives him a thumbs up, as they are now closer to the throne than ever. To Zeke’s disappointment did he end up getting a younger half brother. He had love for his brother but envied how attached Grisha was to him and how he is the heir of the throne. Zeke and the Marlian royal court have a secret meeting fiftheen years later about the issue of Eren and the throne. “He is still young, we need to take him out before he is of age.” King Magath suggests. Zeke refuses to take part in killing his brother, but rather suggests that they find a way to make the Eldian court believe that he is unfit for the throne. They never came to an agreement and the Marlian court decides to try and take out Eren and the royal couple behind Zeke’s back while they are going for the annual trip to Stochess. This is still unknown to both Zeke, Eren and the rest of the world. The murder of Carla is what caused the rebelling in Shiganshina as they suspect Zeke taking part of the murders. 

Zeke’s arrival to the palace  caused a divide in the palace. One side you have the “Zekers” they are a minority that believe that Zeke is the rightful heir to the throne as he is the oldest son of Grisha and that the oldest always takes the throne. They also trust in Zeke as he has shown great intelligence. On the other side you have the “Erens” that as you can guess, supports Eren. They believe that he is the heir as Grisha wished for him to success him. Eren is also the glue to keep Shiganshina calm because of ancestry from his maternal side. They also argue that he is the legitimate son of Grisha and has shown great leadership skills after the death of his parents, he is a natural born king. On top of that has his aggressive foreign policy transformed Eldia to the current hegemon of the world. 

“The aftermath of all of this, is what you saw on the tea party” Historia finishes. Both you and Darcy are speechless, is this what’s being going on in the castle. “One thing I don’t understand is, why are they involving Her Majesty?” Darcy asks looking over at you. You nervously swallow as Historia says “Her Majesty is now his Majesty’s strongest trumpet card. The alliance between Eldia and Capri has boomed our economy as Capri is a well respected nation.” You respond with a nod “It’s that why Pieck was acting all weird? It doesn’t explain why she defended me, when E- His Majesty was confronting me.” Historia takes a deep breath, which is scarying you. Her eyes looked as almost. “They, want to turn you against Eren by making you believe that they are your allies.” She finishes. “What about Lady Pieck?” You say gulping heavy, playing with your fingers. You grew fond of Zeke’s wife and after the fiasko of a teaparty you hoped that the two of you could sort of the problems as sisters-in-law. “The Fingers aren’t the highest ranked nobels. Nobel families get their rank up through marriages to the crown. That’s why Lady Leonhart and Lord Arlet are of the highest ranked nobels, since their ancestors married into the Jeager bloodline.” Historia says. You nod as you do the same in Capri. It is a tool that helps making allies in the courts in order to prevent coups. “The Fingers offered Pieck to Eren when they were 12 years old. The Jeager’s refused as they wished to give Eren the freedom to choose a wife of his own. They knew that he would refuse to settle down with someone who were not of his choice. Zeke on the other hand wanted to marry Lady Pieck when She was of age. It’s speculated among the courts that Zeke promised the Fingers that he would make her Queen.” Historia finishes. “Why did he decide to marry a lower ranked nobel, if he wants to be king? Aren’t the odds higher if he married a higher ranked nobel” Daisy asks. “No high ranked nobelman wishes to disgrace his family by marrying their daughter off to some bastard. The Fingers aren’t that well respected snd put their bet on Zeke. It is also speculated that he wished to marry Lady Pieck because of her great intelligence.” Both you and Darcy are speechless. 

“I-I see, thank you for telling us Historia.” You finish. The blonde girl curtsies and excuses herself as she needs to help the others clean up after the teaparty. “Shit, I never imagined that the Eldian royal family was that messy.” Darcy says helping you out of your dress. “Me neither” you sigh feeling a bit tired. 

You are currently sitting in a political meeting with the Eldian royal Court. Eren is sitting on the right end of the table while you are seated at the left and of the very same table. Pixie is reading out the suggestions made by the court as to where the governmental fundings should go. “Better roads in Wall Rose” he says and everyone responds with nods. It was intimidating as you are the only woman in the room, but you had to suck it up since you are there to guarantee that the Eldian court won’t backoff any deals they make with Capri. “Invest money in…orphanages?” Pixies says confused. You wanted to slide down of your seat as you nervously raised your hand. Your underarms are sweating and your cheeks are on fire. Pixies looks at you confused, “Your Majesty I-” Eren is quickly woke up from his boredom as you rose up from your seat. Your legs are shaking but you need to stand your ground, how are you else going to be able to fight for Capri’s rights when you can’t fight for your own ideas. “I believe that we should invest in the orphanages as children are roaming around the kingdom with no place to stay. The current orphanages are overwhelmed and underinvested. How can we neglect the future of this kingdom?” You finishes sitting down, seeing your heart pound from your chest. Pixies looks down in shame, so do the other court members. 

“I believe its an amazing idea.” Your husband grins and nods at Armin. The blonde advisor quickly finds the paper with the overview of the spending allowed for the year. “According to our finances can we afford this as we profited a lot from the war with Neglanian Empire.” He says giving you an assuring nod. You smile at the two men before looking around at the Court men “Are there any objections?” All the men shakes their heads, which brings calmness to your heart as you were able to keep your promise to Beatrice. As the meeting is wraps up and all the men leaves you stop Eren. “Thank you for helping me out there.” You say chuckling. “Don’t thank me, it was all you. The idea of investing in the orphanage was a good idea. You are like the mother of the nation.” He smiles. A familiar burning sensation reaches your cheeks and you take a deep breath to calm yourself down a bit. “Well, that makes you the father of the nation…huh.” You teasingly say elbowing his arm. His cheeks turns pink, he wanted to respond but is called by Armin. “I have to go love, I have a lot of boring paperwork to finish up. I’ll see you tonight.” He says lifting your cheek to give you a peck on the lips. If he knew that this was the last time he’d kiss you in a while, he’d make it last forever. As he leaves you feel someone standing behind you. You turn around to see a maid curtsying “Sorry for the disturbance, your Majesty. Lady Pieck sent me.” She says giving you an envelope. “Thank you” You say nervously and walks to your chamber. In there is Historia making your bed. “H-Historia?” The blonde girl drops the bedsheets on the bed and comes rushing. “I got this letter from Lady Pieck.” You show her the envelop addressed to you. She swallows heavy while looking at the letter. Your fingers shake as you open the envelop and you read out loud. 

My Dearest Queen Y/n,

I hope this letter finds you in good health and spirits. I write to you today with a humble heart and a sincere desire for reconciliation and understanding between us.

I must express my deepest regrets for the chaos I inadvertently caused at the recent tea party. My words and actions may have caused discomfort, and for that, I am profoundly sorry. Criticizing King Eren's ruling method was impulsive and inappropriate, and I deeply regret any offense it may have caused you or your esteemed guests.

In light of this, I extend an earnest invitation for tea at my chambers this evening. It would be an honor to host you, to share apologies, and to bridge the gap that may have arisen between us. I hope this gesture will serve as a humble attempt to mend our relationship and set aside any differences we might have.

As sister-in-laws, I believe it is essential for us to foster mutual respect and understanding. I value your wisdom and grace and hold a sincere desire to establish an amicable relationship between our families.

I eagerly await your gracious response and hope for the opportunity to extend my apologies in person.

With the utmost respect and sincerity,

Lady Pieck

Historia rushes to find you a dress the second you finish reading out the letter. “You must go Your Majesty, Zeke and Pieck view you as an innocent third party in this saga. If you decline, they’ll know who’s side you are on and with this you might get valuable information from Pieck.” You slowly nod as you feel an uncomfortable knot in your stomach. You know Historia is right, in order to help Eren you need to get on Lady Pieck’s good side and try to suck out any information from her. You nervously twist on the gold ring Eren gifted you on his proposal. Historia pulls out a beautiful baby blue dress with white flowers on it. You tilt your head in confusion as Historia seemed nervous. “Y-your Majesty, do you wish to wear this dress? Forget it I can find you something else I-” You place your hand on her shoulder “It’s beautiful, I really want to wear it.” You smile. Historia’s cheeks turns red as she says “R-really?? I made it myself”. You look at the dress, the white flowered details are amazing “Oh, wow Historia. You are really gifted, I’m honored and grateful that you made me this dress.” You touch the soft fabric, and feel an exitement brewing. Historia curtsies as a sign of gratitude as she picks up a white laced bow tie and gently grabs a couple of braids from the front and  ties it on the back of your head. “There, let’s get you in this dress” She says excitedly. You make a little twirl to show your dress to Historia with a big smile. Your smile slowly fades as you remember your teaparty with Pieck. Historia must have noticed your nervousness as she says “If you want, I can come with you? I can help out cleaning after the teaparty.” She gives you a warm and assuring smile. Historia is too kind, she has really been your support system through out your stay in Eldia besides of course Darcy and Mikasa. 

Historia squeezes your hand as comfort when the doors of Pieck’s chamber opens. You were stunned her chamber had distinctive dark aesthetic. The walls are draped in luxurious dark velvet curtains, deep shades of navy or burgundy, which gracefully frame tall arched windows. The windows allow thin streams of soft, muted light to filter into the room, casting an enchanting glow that enhances the chamber's ambiance. A grand mahogany writing desk stands prominently against one wall, adorned with intricate carvings and embellishments, a testament to craftsmanship. The desk is accompanied by an ornate high-backed chair, upholstered in a rich velvet fabric matching the curtains.A collection of old books lines one side of the chamber, filled with leather-bound volumes and ancient tomes. In the middle you see the table itself is an exquisite piece crafted from polished dark wood, with intricate carvings and embellishments along its edges. Adorned with an ornate tablecloth in deep shades of broqn, it drapes gracefully over the table's surface, adding a regal touch. At the center of the table sits a magnificent centerpiece, a bouquet of velvety dark roses interspersed with delicate black orchids, carefully arranged in an intricately designed silver vase. Each place setting is meticulously arranged with fine porcelain dinnerware, elegantly accented with delicate silver trim. The dinner plates, edged with a subtle floral pattern, are complemented by polished silver cutlery arranged on either side. A selection of treats are arranged beautifully on a silver serving tray at her place setting. Delicacies such as exquisite pastries, dainty finger sandwiches. 

You could tell that she really planned this through. Pieck stands up at your arrival “Thank you for accepting my invite Your Majesty” she says while curstying elegantly. You are stunned by her grace, no wonder Zeke choice her as his wife. “Thank you for inviting me.” You say short with a nervous smile. Historia rushes over to stand next to Sasha and the other helpers as soon as she helps you settle down. Sasha gives Historia a nervous but the blonde responds with a reassuring albowing on her arm to indicate that you won’t fall for Piecks plan. However, that did not reassure Sasha at all as she is aware of what is awaiting.

 One of the maids pours you some tea and you give her a small thank you as you take a sip. A single tear falls from your eyes as you realise what type of tea it is. “I got Darcy to bring me some after her visit in Capri, I have heard that you Caprians take pride in your herbs.” Pieck says with a smile. “This tea is Johan’s favorite. I used to force him to drink tea with me back when I still used to live in Capri. He used to hesitate because he felt that it was “unmannly” but he always gave in. I used to offer him all the herbal teas I could get my  hands on but he always loved drinking the hibiscus tea, which was the first tea I ever offered him.” You sniff with a smile. Pieck became very invested in your little story. “Who is this Johan? A Lord?” She smiles. You shake your head “No, he was my knight.” Pieck takes a sip to hide her mischievous smile. “You knight, as in your royal knight?” You nod starring down at the tea’s beautiful dark red color. 

Historia’s eyes widen as she quickly remember seeing you emotionally hugging a tall blonde knight right while cleaning after the wedding ceremony. She also remember seeing Eren starring intensely at the two of you. Now it hit her, she remember cleaning up cigarette buts in the hall way and there is only one person she knows that would throw cigarette buts inside. “Were you in love with him?” Pieck asks with an innocent smile. The tea you swallowed ended up in your air pipe and grab the brown napkin covering your mouth as you cough intensely. “No” you rasp out as you take the same napkin to dry your tears. “Come on Your Majesty. I know that it is prohibit for us nobel women to be with someone with a title, but they can stop us from innocently loving them. We are practically sister, your secrets are always safe with me.” She is right and you did have a small crush on Johan when you were kids. He was funny, charming, brave, protective and the only person that saw you for you, no title, just you. “I-I used to have a small crush on him when we were kids.” You say low, not revealing that they are some unexplored feelings left. “That’s very cute…now, let me tell you my little secret. I believe that as your sister, you must know the truth.” She could read the panic in your eyes as she makes an apologetic face. Pieck actually felt bad for you, as you were clueless on what has been going on in the palace. She takes a deep breath and what she told you would change your world from now on. “Your Majesty!” Historia shouts as you drop the tea cup on the floor. “T-thank you for having me.” You curtsy quickly before rushing out of the room. 

[melishade]

In the War Timeline, I bet that the Decepticons that deflect are either Knockout, Breakdown, or both because they're partners in crime. I really love these guys

Previous Episode of the War Timeline

Time to rewind a little bit to the beginning of this timeline.

So the Decepticons make themselves known by talking out Zeke Jaeger, killing a good portion of Marleyan military, and taking Marleyans and mainland Eldians as prisoners/titan experimentation at multiple locations around the continent. Breakdown and the vehicons are tasked with keeping them in line and to kill anyone that tries to defect.

Now Breakdown is considered one of the more sociable Decepticons. He's willing to talk to and praise the vehicons for their good works. The vehicons do come to him with their concerns about this new world, the lack of technology, and the grotesque humans that can turn into titans. They prefer Earth because it had more accommodations to their needs, but this world doesn't have jack shit. They thought that they didn't like humans before, but now it's worse. They think that the Eldians are just disgusting monsters. But the Eldians are considered a more valuable commodity so they are kept in slightly better conditions than the Marleyans (ironic, isn't it).

But Breakdown does his best to reassure them that this is just a pit stop. They will be able to return to Earth, and with some new powers to boot. The Autobots wouldn't be able to stop them and the war would be over.

However, Breakdown ends up starting to feel sympathy for the humans, specifically the Eldians. Not the Marleyans. Breakdown and the other vehicons need to make sure the Eldians remain alive for army usage. The vehicons are thinking that it's better the humans than them. They've hated the way that the Autobots have gunned them down without remorse. But Breakdown has to help one of the Eldians who's sustained a physical injury while working. Specifically a warrior cadet. Specifically Colt Grice. He's the only one that old enough to handle the work, and is forced to do so or his family and friends get turned into titans. They're being held somewhere else for the time being. Colt doesn't know where.

But as Breakdown patches him up, Colt is looking at him with contempt. Breakdown threatens his life, but Colt doesn't care at this point. At least with Marley, there was a chance at a better life. But being a prisoner of the Decepticons was a guaranteed death and torment. Breakdown is definitely feeling guilty about that, and lets him go, still threatening his life if he acts out of line.

The longer Breakdown interacts with the humans, the more guilt he begins to feel. He sees the way that they try to help one another but are immediately forced back into line. He sees the way that some squabble amongst themselves for resources. He sees how absolutely miserable they are. And how it reminds him about how he was treated in the caste system. Breakdown finds himself sneaking in extra food for the first human he really interacted with, Colt. And Colt doesn't know why he's trying to be kind to him. They're just going to kill everything, regardless if they were Eldian or Marleyan. Colt finds himself still accepting those acts of kindness, because he needs to live long enough to find his family again.

Breakdown also notices the way that Knockout is trying his best to detach himself from the experiments and the sounds of the humans' screams and pleas for mercy as they are turned into titans. Knockout tries to make those snide comments he usually does when dealing with humans in the past, but Breakdown could tell that it was starting to get to the vain doctor. Breakdown notices the way that Megatron has started to become more and more obsessed with the power of the titans, even trying to mold it with Cybertronian material. It disgusted a good portion of the Decepticons, but none of them spoke a word, lest they receive punishments for it.

Then Megatron sends Airachnid to the island by herself. They all know full well that it's a suicide mission. They didn't intend to help her or get her back. Breakdown brings it up and retorts about the fact that they have no second-in-command now, and Megatron automatically appoints Dreadwing without a second thought. Megatron also reminds Breakdown and the others of Airachnid deception to overtake the Decepticons, and the only one that really stopped her was Soundwave. His tolerance for them was starting to run thin.

Megatron then tasks Breakdown and Knockout with retrieving the titans that were on the island, based on Soundwave's intel. They only manage to get two out of the three, distracted by the way that the humans were putting up a fight, and that the Autobots were actually here. They all knew that the island was going to be targeted next, and once Megatron got the powers of the Founder, this world was pretty much doomed. Some were elated at the idea, but others were not. Breakdown conveys his concerns to Knockout as Ymir is spying on them in the vents, but Knockout reasons that they have nowhere to go and that the two of them would be hunted down. Their safest bet was to be on the winning team. Knockout kisses Breakdown on the cheek before leaving the room, completely unaware that Ymir snuck down to steal one of the energon vials.

But one day, he hears Colts complete story through their talks, about how their uncle was trying to restore Eldia, and how he and his brothers became warriors to protect themselves. They were willing to shorten their lives to keep their families safe and oh...oh Breakdown can't fucking take it anymore.

Breakdown pulls Knockout to the side and begs his partner and conjunx to come with him. They need to go now! Knockout reminds him about Soundwave. The vehicons! Him! What about the two of them?! At that moment, Mikasa blows up the engine room and the ship is going down. Breakdown offers his servo to Knockout and begs him to jump out with him, but Knockout doesn't take it. And Breakdown leaves without him. After the ship crashes, Megatron demands to know the status of their forces. For Breakdown's sake, Knockout lies about Breakdown and says that he ended up dying in an explosion caused by the crash. The vehicons are in remorse, but Megatron doesn't seem to care, wanting to get attended to for his wounds from Ymir and getting the chance to get his ship up and running again. Dreadwing knows how close the two are, and has a feeling that Knockout is lying, but without any evidence, and the semblance of honor that he has, keeps his mouth shut.

Meanwhile, Breakdown drives as fast as he can to the Decepticon camp that Colt is being held at. With the Decepticons in disarray, now is as good a time as any to break them out. He knocks out the two vehicons that were there, but doesn't kill them. He doesn't have the heart to kill them. They didn't do anything wrong. Breakdown frees the humans and grabs Colt, telling him that he's going to help him find the rest of his family. Colt is stunned and asks why he's doing it, but Breakdown says that he's starting to feel empathy for the fleshy humans. Colt doesn't know if he should, but he needs to find his family, and goes with Breakdown to find the others.

(Did I take a page out of Good Omens? Maybe. But wow, juggling this many characters in the War Timeline is tricky as fuck.)

[harley-rose25]

Magath sucks, actually.

I seriously don't understand how anyone likes Magath; and yet I've seen people say they like him and that he's a good guy cause he "cares about the kids". That's like saying you like rando Nazi man number 47 because he's not a complete monster to Jewish children. Like, are you for real?? Magath is still a racist shit that believes that Eldians are devils. He was going to send out Eldian troops on a suicide charge and use then as literal meat shield's and cannon fodder. He's one the high ranking officials leading the invasion to genocide the people of Paradis. He continues to go on about how they were completely justified in trying to wipe out the "island devils" because of the Rumbling; which wouldn't even be happening if Marley left Paradis the fuck alone. Accountability; what's that?? He doesn't admit he and Marley were wrong until after like a 3rd of the Marleyan continent has been crushed by Eren. He would not have otherwise, he wouldn't even be talking to Hanji an the others if Eren wasn't in the process off murdering everyone.

Maybe I'm vindictive but if you spend your life affirming the narrative that my race is evil and then suddenly you wanna work together.... when you're forced to, when you have no other options I'm gonna be like fuck you.

[karizard-ao3]

While we are on this topic, my conspiracy theory for today is that “Eren” is a Marleyan name in-universe. Notice that most Eldians are equated with Germans and have German names and surnames? Then Hizuru has Japanese names and surnames. In real life Eren is a Turkish, not a German, name. What I’m trying to say is that the continent (not even necessarily Marley per se) is much more multicultural and the name Eren being adopted is a result of Marleyan influence and is not a typical Eldian name

!!! This is good, anon! And it makes so much sense!

[aethwrites]

possible oneshot or series ahead~

plot: canon, post-war / post-rumbling, our doctor mc is relocated from their home country, Erilea, one of the few areas spared by the rumbling, to Eldia, formerly Paradis. this fic is doctor!oc x postwar!levi !

“I’ll see you again in a week, Mr. Mullins,” the woman in the sterile-white lab coat concluded, her tone the usual ‘customer service cheery’. “Keep washing and covering that wound with gauze every twenty-four hours, and I can remove your stitches next time.”

          Aelin finished washing her hands for the umpteenth time that day, offering the man a considerate smile. She handed him his handwritten discharge instructions. Silently as ever, as were most of her patients after the things they’d witnessed, he nodded his thanks as he took the papers from the doctor and made his way out of the clinic, albeit slowly. Aelin only watched him leave for a moment. She didn’t over-analyze his slowed gait, didn’t allow pity to show in her eyes despite the constant cloud that remained over the surviving population. Her tired but caffeinated eyes only lingered on his left side, near his hip. The bandaged row of stitches, twenty-six to be exact, that lie beneath his shirt. She noted how he favored his other side and didn’t allow his elbow to touch the area, and turned away, satisfied. Not all patients were willing to go so gently with themselves, despite how necessary it was.

          But Aelin knew nobody wanted pity. Especially not the war veterans that filled up most of her appointments. It had been just a few months shy of a year since the Rumbling; since eighty-percent of the humanity had been stomped out of existence. Nearly nine months since all lands as countries and governments fell, aside from Paradis, now simply dubbed Eldia, and Erilea, Aelin’s home country. It had been on the near opposite side of the world to Eldia, across several now-defunct continents and bodies of water. She’d watched the Colossal Titans from one of the countless grassy cliffs that hung over the sandy beaches of Erilea, what would have been eye-level to the monsters that were approaching. And then they’d just… stopped. Only through the radio in her pack, minutes later, did she hear the genuinely unbelievable news. The Founding Titan had been stopped, by the Eldians closest to him, nonetheless. And then the monstrous beings simply collapsed, suddenly lifeless and dissolving in the air and steam that rose from the waters they’d been traversing. Those Aelin knew had taken shelter on the highest peak, several miles away, but she’d done enough cowering and hiding and living in fear. If she were going to die, she figured, she may as well do so bravely. Her parents- the two people who’d adopted her at a young age when the wars claimed her biological parents- had begged her not to, as did her few college and work friends, but she couldn’t listen. She’d taken the safer path throughout life as soon as she was able; basic schooling, then college, then interning at the local clinic. She’d never joined the military, but her parents and everybody else insisted that her mind was needed elsewhere. At twenty-six, she held three degrees. One doctorate in medicine, one masters in science, and a certification in international relations. The certificate was just a recommendation from an academic advisor, something extra to tack onto a resume, one she hadn’t realized would be even the slightest bit beneficial in her future.

          After six months in Eldia, all other countries having fallen, her old college textbooks had been copied several hundred times over and began to be used in even primary schools. Eldia wouldn’t make the same mistake as its previous leaders; the people there would know the truth of history, painful as it may be.

          How else could they hope not to repeat it anytime soon?

Aelin checked out for her lunch break, retreating to the quiet of the office she’d been gracefully offered. She wasn’t used to all these people; she’d lived in a more rural part of Erilea, worked in a clinic where she knew every patient by name within the first month.

          Now, she couldn’t recall any of their names. Or their charts. She’d read Carl Mullins’ chart several times over and even took it into the room with her when she’d met with him again. It was their sixth appointment. She’d been the one to stitch up that wound on his side, amazed that he survived it to begin with.

          Aelin sighed as she forced herself to take a bite of apple. The closed curtains in her office helped the encroaching headache, allowed her eyes to rest. Her appetite had been waning over the past months; seeing the end results of a genocidal war tended to do that to a person, especially when they were caring for the survivors. Although a majority of patients who would die from their injuries already had, either from blood loss, infection, or irreversible damage, those deaths- the fact that she couldn’t save them- weighed heavy. The purple tint below her tired eyes, even more contrasting with the hazel-jade color of her irises and taupe of the freckles that dotted her features, made that weight visible to everyone.

          Not that they didn’t have the same tired, yet relieved expressions. No more war, no more fear… but the repercussions were far from over, at least for a doctor. Seeing the wounds caused, the emptiness behind surviving soldiers’ eyes, the several filing cabinets filled with nothing but deceased reports.

          Aelin still had some time on her break; she let her hair down from its tight elastic prison, massaging her scalp with the tips of her fingers and nails. Loose auburn coils tickled her face and neck as she did so.

          She’d had headaches all her life, only exacerbated by stress, lack of sleep; by existing, really. Holistic medicines had helped her back home. Her mother- adoptive mother- had been one of those people who lived and died by teas and herbs and natural remedies. She’d given Aelin a colorful tin full of the herbs, ground into a concentrated almost-powder, so as to fit more in the container; she knew she wouldn’t be back for a time. A majority of Erileans chose to remain in their home country, though Eldia offered the space and welcome nature for them to move there, as well. Which meant that Aelin’s mother was on the other side of the world, quite literally. With no time off to go visit her and her mother’s skills with herbs and holistic medicine needed at home, they’d kept in contact with weekly letters- but that was it.

          What she wouldn’t have given for a single cup of that tea. She’d made it last nearly six months before it was gone- the only remedy to her headaches… The only one that didn’t make her feel too fuzzy and warm to be of any use, anyway.

          Opium helped. It also knocked her out for a minimum of eight to twelve hours, after spending some time fucked up beyond belief.

          Eyes gazing at the clock to her right, Aelin let out a deep sigh, hoping some of the throbbing in her skull would ebb with it. It didn’t. She had some time left in her break, but she knew that sitting there in a dark room dwelling on the tragedy of the war would only make her mentally spiral.

          Instead of igniting several hundred more coals under her scalp by pulling her hair back into that tight bun, her nimble fingers carefully wove the loose red ringlets into a bun. Tight enough to keep hair from falling into her eyes or a patients open would, loose enough to just barely worsen the thumping in her head.

          With that, Aelin re-emerged from the dimly lit office, down the hall, and to the front desk. She had twenty minutes left before her next scheduled patient, so she leaned on the oak desk on her elbows, eyes grazing over the thankfully short list of names that remained on her schedule. Most Eldian patients preferred Eldian doctors, and for once, she didn’t mind that preference. She’d be free from the clinic before nightfall for once; only three remaining on her schedule.

          The receptionist must have been on her break, too; which was odd, given the several people in the waiting area. Appointments were intentionally not scheduled during a single hour in the afternoon, so that nobody would be waiting thirty-plus-minutes to get in with their doctor. She flipped through the pages on the desk; neither of her fellow doctors had appointments for the next two hours. She, however, had one; in twenty minutes. Her gaze cast back up, meeting the two people several meters away.         

          A young girl, probably almost in her teens sat beside a man closer to Aelin’s age, a cane resting between them. The girl wore a sunhat over her warm brown hair, eyes a similar shade of chestnut. Though she looked like any other young girl, Aelin could see that slightly distant gaze behind her eyes. The hollowness of a child who must have seen the war up close.

          The man next to her was no different than the girl or the other patients she’d cared for, though Aelin couldn’t recall seeing him recently. A black undercut hairstyle, a left dark gray iris visible, the other a faded near-white. An answering line of stitches went from his hairline, stopping at that eye and continuing over his cheek, upper lip, and chin. The edges of that laceration seemed irritated, slightly inflamed… but it was healed, otherwise.

          “I don’t know why you couldn’t have just brough the wheelchair,” the girl crossed her arms as she snipped gently at the man. His eyebrows raised slightly; they’d had this discussion before, several times by the answering tired, slightly annoyed expression he wore.

“I’ve told you four times now, Braun. My leg feels fine today-“

“Is that why you walked all the way here with a limp?” She interrupted, the man visibly closing both eyes with a withheld frustration. Aelin noted that ten minutes still remained before her next appointment, but still stood from the desk, setting down the appointment list and grabbing the next chart in her dwindling pile.

“Mr. Ackerman?” He angled his head, eye meeting Aelin’s momentarily. She motioned with her hand to the door before she opened it. Her gaze didn’t dwell on him as he slowly stood, visibly favoring his right leg.

“Levi,” the girl hissed in a whisper. “Just take the cane already!”

          Silence followed in the waiting room as he blatantly ignored her, soft footsteps as Levi made his way into the room. Aelin grazed over his chart as he sat, closing the door herself.

“I’m Dr. Collins. What seems to be-“

“My eye. The stitches- I need them removed.” Blunt, straightforward. His gaze didn’t meet hers as she sat his chart down moments later, padding over to him as she took a closer look at the line of black twine. Aelin didn’t allow herself to pay any attention to the way he smelled of earth and herbs, but she did take note of his breathing, chest rising and falling slightly quicker than it should be, despite his calm and cold expression.

          It hadn’t been done professionally, that was for sure. And they must have been in there for some time-

“When were these stitches placed, Mr. Ackerman?” Aelin backed away to retrieve a pair of gloves, as well as several tools and items from glass jars and drawers. He was silent for a few seconds.

“About a year ago.”

          Aelin chewed her cheek as she thought, pulling on the gloves before pulling the rolling stool over to sit before him. He was only an inch or two taller than her, she noted.

          He should have had these removed after a month at the very most.

“Have you… seen a doctor in the last twelve months?”

“No.”

          Aelin analyzed the red-tinged irritation around each stitch, the almost fully-healed line of a scar down the very middle. Although they were clearly not done by a doctor- and could she blame him?- they were done with a clean precision.

“Whomever stitched you up did a fine job, however… these shouldn’t have been in for more than four weeks.”

“Not a fan of doctors’ offices.”

          She’d heard that line a million times in her career already. She simply nodded as she leaned forward, roughly six inches from his face. No discharge or blood, Aelin noted.

“Well, I can remove these for you no problem.” Aelin explained, unwrapping small scissors and tweezers before sitting them on a sterile tray. “However, you’d be wise to take some antibiotics home with you. Your main wound may have closed, but the… forty-odd holes from these stitches haven’t, and that redness and swelling is a sign of a possible infection.” Aelin grasped the tweezers and leaned closer.

“This shouldn’t hurt, but you may feel a small sting, or feel the wire being pulled through,” she continued. “May I?”

          Levi hummed a soft sound of consent before Aelin began working. She snipped the individual stitches; two sets of twenty-one, before steadily pulling the threat through. His eyes had fluttered closed as she began, brows furrowing every few stitches, either feeling the odd sensation of the twine being removed or the slight pinch.

          She was halfway through before she spoke, a slight smile to her tone.

“I noticed in your chart; you have some trouble with your left leg?”

Levi sighed, eyes still closed.

“It was injured during the Rumbling. Acts up sometimes.” He seemed reluctant to answer honestly, especially with the young girl in the waiting area having hounded him about it already.

          Aelin noticed, mere inches away from Levi’s face, that his breath smelled slightly of herbs, similar to tea blends. It was a welcome reprieve from the usual patient she had, where she’d hold her breath until she could move away from their faces. She nodded as he spoke, continuing her work with her eyes trained on each stitch. Levi’s eyes opened, meeting hers for a mere second in the oddly not-uncomfortable silence before closing again.

“There’s no shame in using mobility aids, Mr. Ackerman.” Her tone was not coddling, not pitying; simply honest. She didn’t mention his time in the military, what a sacrifice he’d made for humanity. She was sure he didn’t want to hear it.

“I know that,” Levi bit out quietly.

“I believe you.” She stated, pulling the last stitch free before pulling back. His eyes opened again, a slightly confused expression muddling his features for only a moment.

“Have you been working in any unsanitary environments? Dusty, anything like that?”

“No…?”

“Then we likely don’t need to cover these. The holes are so small, they’re unlikely to get infected if they haven’t already. They should close up over the following days.”

          Levi nodded, though he didn’t move to stand from where he sat while Aelin rolled away on the stool to remove her gloves, throwing them and the discarded materials away.

“No lecture on the leg, Doc?” He spoke with a sigh.

“Didn’t think you needed one. I’m sure you know that you’ve likely broken something that was then not given a chance to heal correctly. Seems that girl of yours may have lectured you enough.”

          Levi snorted an almost-laugh, a soft grin on the corners of his lips for only a moment before disappearing.

“The girl isn’t mine- but I’d say you’re correct, otherwise.” His deep voice was almost playful.

“Is there anything else that’s been bothering you, Mr. Ackerman?” Aelin asked politely, a snicker in her first few words. She could practically hear his thoughts out loud; only everything and everyone. But she could also feel that headache ebbing back as she sat under the fluorescent lighting, a slight wince in one eye as she blinked.

“No, that was it.”

          And with that, Aelin took one of the readily available bottles of antibiotics. Instructions were written on both the label and she copied them onto his papers; two each day for seven days. Take with food and water. May cause drowsiness.

“If you have any problems or notice any more or unusual symptoms like swelling, increased redness, pain in the area, or it feels hot to the touch, please come see us immediately.” She rattled off the extra instructions as she handed Levi his items, watching as he stood. “Oh, and Mr. Ackerman?”

“Just Levi is fine,” he slightly gritted out as he stood, only causing Aelin to raise an eyebrow.

“I won’t harp on you, Levi, but, and I mean this genuinely, use your mobility aids. Seriously. I can’t force you and I won’t tell you again, but there’s no pride in needless suffering.” Aelin spoke quietly before moving to open the door. Levi stood still for a moment as he simply listened and watched her, and for a few more seconds in the silence before nodding.

          After holding the door for Levi, Aelin walked out behind him and discarded his chart on the desk where she would sit to finish his patient notes before her next and last appointment of the day. Golden hour was approaching, buttery rays of sunshine from the windows seeming to physically warm the room.

          She looked up for a moment as Levi reached the younger girl. She held out the wooden stick, clearly not expecting him to take it, although her expression was just daring him not to, threatening to nag him about it their entire trip home if he didn’t. Though he didn’t even look at her expression, Levi’s hand reached for the stick in hers, snatching it quickly. His eye met the girl’s, lids narrowed.

“Not a word, Gabi.” His tone was low, and she shut her opening lips before snarking whatever she’d planned. Actual shock in her brown eyes as she watched Levi walking with the stick on his left side, some tension and pain visually fading from his posture.

          Gabi’s wide eyes met Aelin’s, and as Levi turned to leave, she jumped to her feet to follow.

“Thank you, miss! We’ve been fighting with him to use that for, like, ever!” She shouted as she followed Levi out of the door. “You stubborn old man!” Gabi’s distant shout resounded.

          Aelin swore she heard him groan from outside, and she suppressed a chuckle.

Aelin hung her messenger bag on the lone chair at her dining table, ripping the elastic from her braid before she sat down. After running her fingers through the swirling tresses, she laid her head on her arms, closing her eyes and breathing in the comforting scent of home. It was a tiny one-bedroom cabin near the center city of Eldia, not suffocatingly tiny yet not too big for one person. It was a stark yet welcome contrast from her cluttered home in Erilea; trinkets lining the walls, handmade rugs from local markets hugging the floor in most rooms. Here, only papers cluttered her table, washed dishes still sitting on the drying rack, dry clothes sitting in a hamper in her bedroom. She wasn’t dirty, per say, but Aelin was certainly cluttered. Her home merely mirrored her mind.

          Another day, another headache. And the patient she’d had after that war vet only made it unbearably worse.

          Another one of those patients who only wanted an Eldian doctor, a male one specifically, and Aelin was neither. Yet, he also wanted an appointment that day, demanded it, their receptionist had told her.

          That appointment took her forty-five minutes longer than necessary. First, the guy fought the idea of who his doctor was. He demanded a male, Eldian doctor. Then, when he realized he’d be shit out of luck in that department, he argued everything she said and did.

          “I don’t need a check up, I need meds,” the moment she tried to simply look at the wrapped portion of his forearm.

          When he finally relented to let her look at it, he balked when she told him how often it needed cleansed and replaced bandages.

          An hour after taking him back, he stomped out of the clinic, bag of antibiotics and pain medication in his hand, freshly-cleansed and wrapped wound on the other arm. It must have been weeks since he had even unwrapped the thing.

And now she sat at her table, exhaustion dragging her down. When she winced from her headache in the office shortly after that patient had left, their receptionist remembered the whole tea issue.

“Oh! Aelin!” Rosa held a hand out, her freshly painted red nails glinting in the lights. “I wanted to tell you, there’s this tea shop a few blocks away! It opened up like a month ago but I only just now saw it! You said you used to drink tea for your migraines?”

“Mhm,” Aelin hummed as she held the strap of her bag, leaning drained against the white wall.

“Wellll, don’t you think you should check it out?” Rosa mused, her pink lips in a smile, blue eyes supportive.

“I dunno,” Aelin sighed. “My mom grew and mixed that stuff herself-“

“But it smelled just like that tea you used to make!”

“I’m sure it did,” Aelin mused, rolling her eyes teasingly. “Most herbs just smell herby or flowery.” She didn’t have much confidence that Rosa, of all people, would be able to pinpoint the exact mixture of leaves down to a local teashop.

“Oh, whatever,” Rosa grumbled before sticking her tongue out. “At least go check it out! Maybe you’ll meet a cute guy there- or girl, whatever floats your boat.”

          Aelin nearly choked on air, coughing as she laughed. Of course Rosa was boy-crazy, she was only, nineteen.

“Okay, what floats my boat is none of your business, Rosie,” Aelin tried to be serious, but chuckled the entire time. “I’ll see you on Monday, alright?”

And that was what lead Aelin strolling down the cobblestone streets, the sun still casting dull, orange hues as it began to set. She wore her usual non-office clothing: a button-up white shirt, dark-blue jeans, and her hiking boots. They’d been so worn-in, they were more comfortable than the shoes she had to wear in the clinic. She only stopped before leaving home to brush her hair- the mop of waves and curls tangled so easily it wasn’t even funny, but she refused to make her head hurt any worse by styling it in any way. The breeze tossed her elbow-length hair around her back and arms. If she were lucky, brushing it out later wouldn’t shoot pain through her skull.

          The scents of the recovering city were divine; fresh flowers, restaurants ranging from baked goods to sandwiches and full dinners, the scent of produce in the market. People had become so peaceful; no dense tension in the air, no visible fear for the end or anticipating attacks. It was so… odd. Even though she grew up in Erilea, the mood in public had been the same as it had been in Marley, although maybe a little less intense, given the distance.

          She passed street after street until she found it. The small building wasn’t on her usual route through town, so of course she hadn’t noticed it before. The old brick building had been repainted a forest green, one wide window on the left side displaying tin after tin of pre-made tea blends. Aelin opened the door, a soft bell chiming as the cool and inviting scents enveloped her. Jasmine, rose, eucalyptus, mint, rosemary, lemon balm… If she closed her eyes, she could practically feel herself walking in the front door of her parents’ house, could hear her mother welcoming her home from school.

          But she wasn’t home, she reminded herself silently. She scanned the (thankfully) warmly and dimly-lit shop. A counter, similar to a bar with stools lined before it, and several tables scattered throughout.

          And to her surprise, not a speck of dust littered any surface. The polished hardwood floor nearly sparkled in the glow of the sunset outside, the mahogany tables and counter just as bright and clean.

Whoever runs this place must be quite the neat freak.

          Aelin padded over to the counter, intending on checking out the line of displayed tea blends, when she heard soft, muffled footsteps from behind a pine-colored door marked ‘employees only’. When that door creaked open, she swore her heart stopped for a moment. She swore it had to be a coincidence… right?

          There stood Levi, the very patient she’d treated earlier that day. In his left hand was that walking stick; for whatever reason, he’d heeded her advice. His eyes were downcast at where he held several ceramic teacups, which he bent down cautiously to place under the counter.

          Aelin considered her options. Should she run or something? Would he think she was stalking him? Should she say anything-

“Glad to see you took my advice,” she blurted out, a polite smile on her lips with a hint of a smirk. She wasn’t teasing him; just trying to make some kind of friendly conversation, make this less awkward.

“Oh, it’s you,” he breathed as he stood awkwardly. His expression appeared puzzled, probably just as much as hers had.

“Our receptionist, Rosa- she mentioned that there was a new tea shop-“

“I opened this place weeks ago,” his voice was still firm and cold as ever, though he seemed a little amused with how she stammered to explain.

“Well, I get these headaches- I always have, and I brought this tea from Erilea because it’s the only thing that helps but doesn’t make me feel all fucked up and put me to sleep for half a day, and-“

          He snickered at her sudden cursing, already opening a drawer to analyze what herbs he had that could fit that bill.

“I ran out a few weeks ago and my head’s been killing me all the time, and I-“

“Do you know what that blend was made of?”

“Huh?” Aelin gaped, slightly out of breath. The playful smirk that lilted on his lips caught her attention, and her cheeks flushed slightly. Gods, she’d really been rambling.

“I asked if you know what that blend consisted of, Doctor.” Levi explained plainly, crossing his arms as he stood across from her.

“Please, call me Aelin when I’m not in the clinic,” she chuckled softly, slightly embarrassed still. “But, uh… ginger, maybe willow bark… peppermint and clove… and feverfew, I think?” She spoke slowly, trying to remember all her mother had mixed into that blend.

          Levi actually looked… impressed?

“Do you know much about herbs and tea, Aelin?” Levi asked curiously as he began opening and closing drawers, turning away to also check several shelves.

“You could say that. I know a good deal about some medicinal ones, but it was my mother who was really big into tea. Grew her own herbs and everything,” she chuckled before explaining matter-of-factly.

“I see,” Levi hummed, partially to himself. He really seemed in his element, Aelin noticed, as he began to measure out different ingredients. Some full leaves, others ground up; he even pulled out fresh cloves and began to grind them with a mortar and pestle.

          Aelin couldn’t help but wonder how this seasoned war veteran had fought in the Rumbling, survived all of that, only to open a tea shop. He could have been set for life, retiring then and there. She’d heard many of the other original Eldians had done just that, and she didn’t judge them in the slightest for it. Then again, she also admired the idea of living such a difficult life only to choose a peaceful occupation afterwards. Levi was only in his early thirties, his chard said.

“Why tea?” She found herself wondering out loud. Before she could feel bashful for asking something that could be so personal, he explained.

“It was something I always took an interest in, I guess.” Levi’s voice softened slightly as he began boiling a kettle of water, the tea blend placed into a metal spoon-looking thing with holes. “It helped me a lot, from the beginning.” He didn’t delve deeper than that as the kettle began to boil; he removed it from the heat.

“Why medicine?” He echoed, what seemed like genuine interest in his eye as it met hers. She felt an odd sense of ease wash over her with that glance… comfortable. Wanting to tell him.

“There was this sickness when I was young. People of all ages would get this fever and it would just keep rising and rising, and… I lost people dear to me.” Aelin took a deep breath while she spoke, eyes trained on his slender hands, watching him pour the water into a cup before sinking the leaves into it. “Then the war came. And all these people would return home only to die from that sickness or some other illness or infection. I’ve never been very physically gifted, but I passed every class I ever took with honors, and, well… just seemed like the right choice.” She shrugged, meeting his gaze again.

          Levi seemed to study her for a moment before removing the leaves and handing her the cup. She knew to wait unless she wanted to scald her mouth.

“As good a reason as any,” Levi agreed with a soft nod. She wouldn’t ask him about the war, about how he’d gotten so injured, or why he chose the military- if he even had a choice. She could see it in his eyes; his grief went far beyond what the average soldier experienced, even with the Rumbling included.

          As if he noticed what she’d uncovered, as though she were reading him like a book, Levi allowed his usual mask of cool numbness to slip back over his features. He didn’t survive the Rumbling and all of the other fucked up shit in his life just to rehash it with a random woman in his teashop.

          Levi motioned for her to take a sip, and she nodded before obediently holding the teacup… with simply a hand over the top.

“Who showed you how to hold a teacup like that?” He quizzed her, un-scarred eyebrow raised in interest. He’d finished drying that metal utensil, returning it and throwing the clean hand-towel over his shoulder before leaning against the rounded counter edge. His eye didn’t leave her face as she tasted the tea.

          As she did so, he allowed himself a moment- one single moment to look her over. Levi wasn’t the type of man to look at women, to find any person appealing or attractive. He hadn’t been given the chance other men half his age had had; no peace, no safety. Any girl or woman he’d met- the men, too- had died eventually. His mother, Isabel, Petra, Hange, even though they didn’t always identify that way… He’d schooled himself well into not getting close with anyone. He’d lived that way his entire life.

          Then Levi had slipped up in the scouts. Close with Erwin- dead. Close with those cadets, and how many died in the end? He’d still barely given Gabi and Falco the time of day, even though they’d been practically attached to him since the war ended. He had nearly a year since then, and hadn’t given his attention to any women. Not that they hadn’t looked his way; Levi certainly didn’t have any trouble when it came to women taking interest in him.

          But he allowed himself this; the shade of that doctor’s hair, more orange than auburn. Curlier than he’d seen most people have. She had freckles, which were uncommon in Eldia, but they were a nice contrast to her pale complexion. The soft indigo under and around her eyes showed just how taxing her career choice had been, especially in the past year; he knew that feeling all too well, although his position as a Captain in the Scout Regiment had been vastly different. Her eyes were a light shade of hazel, closer to honey than coffee, but with visible spots of green. Her arms and face were on the more slender side, but the rest of her figure-

“Wow, this is like, spot on, Levi!” She exclaimed, shock visible in her slightly widened eyes. He tore his from her after a beat of silence, noticing how her cheeks flushed ever so slightly again, if not from the warmth of the tea. “Seriously, this is great,” she continued.

“Glad you like it,” he responded simply, his voice slightly gruff. He didn’t allow the soft smile that he felt creeping on his lips to show, instead taking a moment to write down what herbs he used to make that cup, as well as their measurements.

          Only a few minutes passed before Aelin felt the herbs in her otherwise empty stomach working their magic, much to her relief. Her shoulders fell slightly from where they’d been tensed up, a relaxed sigh leaving her nose.

“Wow,” she sighed dreamily as that throbbing pressure slowly ebbed away.

“Hit you that quick? Usually takes about twenty minutes,” Levi commented, curiously watching her expression.

“Works faster on an empty stomach,” Aelin breathed, unable to shake the relieving calm that washed over her entire being. Be that from the tea or from the energy radiating from the company of the man before her, she didn’t want to wonder.

          Levi simply rolled his eyes, scoffing slightly.

“Wait, Levi, what do I owe you for this? I didn’t see any prices listed anywhere.”

“It depends on which herbs used, the amount, and so on,” Levi explained. “Consider it payment for removing my stitches earlier.” He teased halfheartedly, though his expression was still firm.

“No, I can’t possibly-“ Aelin began as she dug in the pockets of her pants and shirt for her wallet.

“Tsk,” Levi clicked his tongue. “You try to pay me for that cup, and I’m taking it back,” he threatened, eyebrows raised in an expression that screamed ‘try me, I’ll do it’.

“You would waste a half a cup of tea if I tried to pay you for it.” It was a statement, not a question. Her jaw dropped slightly, snapping shut as he reached forward with his uninjured hand. She ripped her hands from her pockets to carefully cradle the cup, pulling it to her chest.

“That’s what I thought.” Levi remarked, having the audacity to smirk. He didn’t need the money; having been the Captain of the team that took the Founding Titan down, he likely wouldn’t have to worry about money for the rest of his life.

          Other patrons were still expected and required to pay, of course.

“Fine,” Aelin grumbled as she swallowed the rest of the quickly cooling tea quickly. He took her empty cup and began washing it in the sink immediately.

Jeez, he really is a clean freak. Not the worst quality, but still.

“Oh, and if you were thinking about tipping me,” he began, voice low but slightly amused. Aelin’s eyes narrowed from where she stood once more; she saw spots in her vision for a second before they faded. She really did need to eat. But she grumbled as she shoved her wallet away again.

Levi snickered. Actually laughed, even if just a little.

“I saw you almost eat shit just now,” he teased as he returned to the counter, drying and placing the cup back where it belonged. Levi’s eyes met hers again; a challenge. “As payment for my services, I’d like you to promise me you’ll stop at the sandwich shop up the street and eat something more than just water.”

Aelin balked, laughing incredulously.

“You want me to what?”

“You heard me.” He didn’t budge, his expression slightly more serious, more commanding, despite the soft smirk there and the playful energy in the air.

“I’m not a fan of sandwiches, personally.” She challenged in return, leaning against the counter, less than a foot apart. Levi noticed a soft, playful glint in her eyes, somehow bringing the green out.

“The pastry place, then, I don’t give a shit. Just eat something before you faint in my shop.”

“Fine.” She spoke through slightly clenched teeth, a soft smirk on her lips to match the one he’d had earlier.

“Fine,” Levi repeated.

          Aelin stood to leave.

“Shall I expect you to follow me here tomorrow, as well?” Levi snarked as he turned back to the shelves, organizing some jars.

“No. Thanks for the tea, Levi,” Aelin snorted as she left, shaking her head.

[ourmondobongo]

Zeke Yeager and the life of an Eldian of the Continent (and a few parallels with Erwin, Hange, and Levi)

Like many AOT characters, Zeke is both appreciated and hated.

The things he went through when he was a little kid made a lot of people pity his adult form. The things he did to the SC and Levi were definitely horrendous and hurtful, and for sure made a lot of people absolutely hate Zeke for all he did to our favs.

I don't follow either of these takes, though. I like the complexity of Zeke's character. And as a fan of his story, I don’t pity him or see how his character really needs it (except while he was a kid abused by his parents). Also, rationalizing Zeke’s character is not about finding ways to forgive him, but rather delving further into AOT’s storytelling. Which is why I’m writing this post: to see things through non-Paradisians perspectives.

Zeke Yeager was the Captain of the Warriors, and it's said he was written to be the equivalent of Levi's mighty soldier character to the Eldians of the Continent. But we have many hints that Zeke is not only like Levi's other side of the “hero” spectrum but also Hange's and Erwin's too.

Putting it simply, Zeke had within his character building the most known traits we’ve seen in the SC Veteran trio:

- Like Levi, Zeke was born with inhuman power hidden in his blood, had a unique grow up (and not only because of Grisha), but he became his country's 'Boy Wonder' (chapter 93) and was even considered their strongest Warrior (according to Reiner);

- like Hange, Zeke had the biggest knowledge of the Titans' powers and biology, and he was one of the most intelligent characters of AOT (with 11/10 smartness stats according to the 1st AOT guidebook);

- and like Erwin, Zeke got his father tortured and sentenced to death for conspiracy against the government, carried a secret dream shared his 2nd father (Ksaver) and that he had no one he trusted completely to share, and had a smart way of dealing with high-up military figures as well as of gambling and manipulating events and people to achieve his ultra-secretive goals and dream. 

At the same time though Zeke also had some of the most antagonistic characteristics of the veterans post-RtS alive:

- he saw death/non-existence as a type of people's “salvation”, liberation, or some kind of freedom - opposing Levi;

- he was adamant he had the best and only solution to save both the whole world and his people - opposing Hange;

But these few points don’t even scratch the surface of Zeke’s character. And while the Vet Trio is thoroughly dissected in the fandom, that Zeke is their particular main antagonist but hardly "meta-ed" is something kinda strange. Especially because ignoring Zeke leaves some events in the manga lacking some important and intriguing discussions!

Like, how nicely written was to have a glimpse of Zeke’s mind right after the chapter of Erwin's last passionate speech and sacrifice (chapters 80-81). And how nice it's to parallel chapters 136 X 137 - where Levi is almost on the verge of "giving up" on killing Zeke but struggling heartbroken at the thought of the Devoted Hearts' meanings still left open X where Zeke, the man who saw everything as meaningless, lets himself be killed by Levi (being probably aware of what that action meant to his archnemesis).

So, it will probably sound like I'm playing the Devil's advocate, but there are some very interesting things to highlight about Zeke’s journey!

Since interpretation varies from reader to reader though, I just ask anyone who may join the discussion to keep the talk civil even if you fully hate Zeke. Or Levi. Or Isayama.

1. Zeke Yeager was one of the TWO last Royal Bloods of King Fritz’s lineage alive

Much like our special bloodline-born Ackerman duo, Zeke and Historia were the last two living Royal Bloods of AOT. This might sound pretty obvious, but I see the implications of this fact are quite overlooked.

Zeke and Historia were the only characters still capable of making use of AND giving others some access to the Founding Titan’s powers. But out of the two last living Founder “Controllers”, the 29 years old Yeager was also:

1. the one with the most knowledge about Ymir Fritz and the Titans powers + the Eldian history

2. the only one possessing a Titan Shifter

3. the one who had lived his whole life in the “real” world

4. the one about to die (had less than 1 year alive)

5. the only Royal Blood who could be used as the full mediator between the Founding Titan possessor and Ymir's powers

6. the only Royal with access to Titan serum (which means that even if Historia becoming a Pure Titan could help, Paradis wouldn't have the means to turn her into one without Zeke. So he was the last Royal end game indeed.)

Besides these points, though, remembering Zeke as one of the last Royal is also important because while Historia held responsibility for the Eldians of Paradis Island as their Queen by bloodline inheritance, we could kind of say that Zeke held some responsibility as a never known “king” of the Eldians of the Continent.

In fact, the Eldian Restorationist group was putting faith in Dina's royal lineage to change the Eldians’ fate (chapter 85). And if the Eldians of Marley and other countries wanted, they could have established a new ruler or king for them. This because at the moment King Fritz left the Eldians in the continents to die, their nation was divided in two: there was the Reiss family - who subsided to the Non-war Vow, and their fake Heaven in Paradis; and there was the Fritz family - who hated the flee of ancestors to Paradis, decided to stay on the continent, and wanted to save the Eldians left.

So it is pretty easy to imagine that if the Restorationists’ plan ever worked, Dina’s family with Grisha was definitely going to be placed among their people’s new rulers - with Zeke as their primal hope, and even as a prince and future king. Thus, since conception, Zeke was thought, taught, and raised to be his people's savior. The "God-Savior complex" people say he had is not just a joke LOL.

And raising a perfect Restorationist Savior was what Grisha mistakenly thought he was doing by fuelling the infancy of his firstborn with doctrines and responsibilities of adults, to say the least.

But while these facts had the utmost impact on Zeke’s life, his family's abuse during his childhood still feels oddly weak as the main reason to drive Zeke into walking down the path toward the euthanasia plan of an entire race.

And now things will get interesting...

2. What Zeke witnessed while living as an Eldian of the Continent

Contrary to well-known main “good” characters who had arcs dedicated to showing their backstory directly by their viewpoint, Zeke Yeager had the context of his life shown through other characters’ POV and multiple chapters since the beginning of the Marley arc (as well as some scenes from previous arcs, like Grisha's POV in his journals during the revelations of the basement).

But we know Zeke had his own reading of the events that happened with his parents. And after becoming older and becoming a Warrior, Zeke was also the most secretive of all characters. So Reiner, Porco, Pieck, and Colt had no real understanding of the true Zeke, nor how far he was in keeping up his pro-Marley facade. The Warriors could never even have imagined that he had been building up the stage for his Eldians' eradication plan for around 13 years.

The only thing they all genuinely had in common was the critical life of an Eldian of the Continent (EoC) and Warrior. And I want to highlight this part because it's something that furthers the implications of Zeke's statement in chapter 114:

"We never did learn to trust one another. But I can't blame you. The world I've seen was just too different from what you've all seen."

What Zeke saw as an EoC:

The Eldians of the Continent were cowardly abandoned and forgotten in the hands of their enemies by Zeke's direct ancestors, so he was born and raised in a Marleyan internment zone, a place limited by tall Walls too (chapter 94). But more than that, since he was a kid, Zeke witnessed every day how his people had been living the last 100 years being indoctrinated by the Marleyan Government (and the rest of the planet) about the unforgiving sins of their ancestors and how the Eldians were descendants of the Devil - cursed for existing, cursed to die, cursed for continuing to be born into their world (chapter 114).

ALL Eldians were seen as this:

(chapter 87)

Besides being seen as inhuman, as monsters in human skin, all generations were also stigmatized that the Eldians of Paradis were "Devils who turned the world into hell and built their own utopia on top of a mountain of corpses" (chapter 94). And the Eldians of the Continent (EoC) also had to indoctrinate their descendants into doing the same with their children and other members of their families. That, OR they would pay the price for disobeying and betraying Marley by being sent to “Heaven” in the form of horrible undying monstruosities (chapters 86 to 92).

So throughout his infancy + 10 years as a warrior candidate + 12 years as the Beast Titan, Zeke watched his people being heavily brainwashed into believing how they all should do everything they could to repent for Eldia's past crimes by:

being used over and over again as Marley's disposable soldiers in their many wars (mentioned in chapter 136), and in the trenches (dangers and consequences seen in chapters 91-92, 94);

offering their own children to the Marleyan Military so they would become cursed-13 years long-suicidal pawns while being turned into giant bioweapon warriors;

being turned into and used as mindless maneater monsters in the Marleyan wars, and bringing an infamous glory to Marley by spreading utmost terror over other nations (chapter 94)

At the same time, the EoC were seen as the Devil’s spawns themselves for any other non-Eldian person. Kid Zeke sees the "light" version of it in the enraged eyes, words, and harsh treatment his family receives at the top of the building (chapter 114). Future Warrior Zeke hears it as candidates are called many names during training (descendent of pigs). But Marleyans’ utter prejudice, hatred, and animalistic view toward the Subjects of Ymir are dramatically shown in the way the Marleyan Police fed Faye to dogs, which might have been told to Zeke by how he reacts talking to Grisha about the possibility of him dying like her (chapter 114).

Then, the Marleyan's hatred was horribly reinforced when we learn Eldian’s blood was considered such an abomination that Ksaver’s wife killed herself and their child when she discovered he was Eldian (chapter 114). Through Ksaver’s memory, Zeke certainly saw (and felt) the pain of that to his adopted father.

After inheriting the Beast Titan, and during his last 12 years alive, Zeke saw that not even after granting victory to Marley for so many years against multiple enemies the look of unhappiness and disgust in the Marleyan civilians' face became a bit sympathetic toward his people. Like, when the Warriors come back to Paradis after fighting for them in Fort Slava, the surviving soldiers were stared down with hate and disgust, as if they were utter indeed shit (chapter 94).

The Eldians living in the internment zones outside Marley were treated worse than the ones in Marley according to what Udo says in chapter 98. And the world was so paranoid about Eldians that they kept doing constant blood tests on the population to spot Devil’s blood right away, and everyone suspected of being one certainly were in grave danger (chapter 123).

This chronic aversion to Eldians certainly turned increasingly worse as Marley used to send back to their enemies their psychologically traumatized soldiers who had survived the horrors of facing the Pure Titans after seeing their fellows being crushed, dismembered, minced, eaten alive, and etcetera. And, at the same time, the other nations used these survivors as “mascots to show the whole world how inhumane titan weaponry is”. (chapter 93). And if a 12 yeard-old kid like smart Udo knew that, Zeke definitely was aware of that too...

*One side note: Far from the war zone, we reader also saw a Marleyan soldier mocking the minds of traumatized Eldian soldiers who dug the war trenches, making fun of them with the sound of bombs and guns, and guffawing as the sick soldiers fall scared and scattered on the floor (chapter 94). Later, in the same hospital that Zeke's grandfather is treating his mental illness, Eren mentions, "I've been thinking every day since coming here. How did things turn out this way? Ruined minds and bodies... People with no freedom left... People who have even lost themselves... What kind of person would want to go to war... if they knew they were going to end up like this?" And again, if Eren - an outsider - noticed this, imagine Zeke - who grew up in that war zone environment... *

BUT something BIGGER than this all was the growing tension over the horrible upcoming destiny of the Eldian race as the time was approaching when Titans would have no more use for Marley.

In chapter 93, Udo questions the other Warriors Candidates about what will happen with their special group and the rest of the Eldians of the Continent as the anti-titan artillery was soon going to overcome both the Shifters’ and Pure Titans’ power, almost implying the reason why the humans still let Eldians alive would thus be over. Zeke also discusses this in chapter 95 with the Warriors, reaffirming that the entire Eldian race was in danger and that the world had already set their mind in that “it’s meaningless to speak about the human rights of Eldians”. Pieck, Colt, Reiner, and Galliard agreed with him that the present future was a real threat to their race.

In chapter 98, after the Marleyan Military group humiliates all Warriors in the discussion about how to invade Paradis, we see Pieck questions the same thing Udo did, and tells further that the Eldians are in danger because soon they will lose their value to Marley as bioweapons. And this is also why the Tybur finally cared to join the “party” and tried to act as Eldia's saviors-world mediators. Willy just did what he did because he saw that their race was truly in grave danger. Meaning that the living future of all Eldians of the Continent was at stake even before Zeke’s plan of euthanization.

So after seeing all of this depicted in the manga - and without even digging into the personal and familiar struggles of Reiner, Annie, and the other warriors - it doesn't seem "far fetched" to see that what Zeke witnessed beyond Grisha and during his whole life also had some impact on his mind.

But there is still more to see! And now we will dig into Zeke’s personal life.

What Zeke lived:

Another side of the demented world in which Zeke lived, witnessed, and actively participated is the one where he was raised to become one of the most important figures of the Eldians of the Continent as the Titan Shifters’ Captain, and Marley and Eldian's Boy Wonder: The Warrior Program.

But first, a little resume:

Zeke was enrolled in it by Grisha at the age of 07 years old. In the beginning, Zeke didn’t want to be a Warrior or fight for Marley (chapter 114). He couldn’t care less - to the point he was failing the Warrior Program despite the high expectations Grisha and Dina had in him. Magath and Ksaver saw this clearly too, and this lack of will catches the bespectacled Beast Warrior's attention.

But Zeke was already a very smart kid - he understood well the weight of the consequences of his actions at that time. So kid Zeke acted as a double agent: pretending to his grandparents and the Marleyan Government that he was fully loyal to Marley, and pretending to his parents he was fighting for the Restoration of Eldia. At that time, though, his true self was the one who just wanted to play with his father. Yet, kid Zeke could only have mental and emotional breakdowns silently and by himself in his room.

This lasted until Zeke found someone with whom he could finally trust and be himself, Mr. Ksaver. But Ksaver changed Zeke’s life forever not only by saving him when he would become a Pure Titan in the Island of Devils, but also by wrapping the final shackles in Zeke's depressing view of life. (If you want to see this perspective, there is this incredible meta post done by @.yaboilevi here.)

So, for the greatest part of his life, Zeke was never "purely" seen or treated as someone with intrinsic value. He was born to become an instrument to save Eldians from a 2000 years world hate war; to the government, he was a sinful devil that should fight for Marley’s sake; he was first "adopted" by Ksaver to replace the loss of his son that died because of Ksaver’s lies; due to his blood, he was the key to someone else use the Founder's power; the final tool of Eren's plan of Rumbling.

And cementing this life of you've no intrinsic value in you, you are just a manipulated tool for ends beyond you with Zeke's already growing nihilistic view of the world and Ksaver's influence over never being alive was the answer… it doesn't surprise Zeke sees nothing but meaninglessness in life.

Resume done

Now, let's see what is interesting is the life of Zeke and Ksaver as Warriors and Beast Titan inheritors: the manifestation of their Animal Titans.

It’s a known fact that we don’t have conclusive information about how the animals of the Beast Titan are defined, but we definitely have some big hints as to what could be the reason for them. So in this part, I’ll take a more particular view/interpretation while listing the facts.

It's possible that the Beast Titans' bodies were linked with the inheritor’s strongest desires and qualities manifested in their animal forms. Falco is the one who is cleared as to hint this since he wasn’t the actual Beast inheritor, BUT through Zeke's blood mixed with the Beast, Falco's Jaw form became a bird. And besides the foreshadowing in his name, Falco's Titan form manifested something really deep within him, shared in chapter 91: he sees the bird flying over the Marley warzone and tells it to use its wings and fly away. Falco wished for a way to find freedom from the place/situation where he was, and birds are a very strong symbol of that in AOT.

In Ksaver and Zeke’s case, the manifestation of their titans doesn’t seem to be so different from what they desired to do the most.

Ksaver’s Beast: The Bighorn Sheep/Ram

“I became a warrior... because I wanted to kill myself in the grandest way I could. That was all.” Ksaver, 114

From the beginning of human history, it’s been registered that rams were used as sacrificial animals in many cultures. But as we know there are some Hebrew references in AOT, it’s also nice to point out this bit: the people of Israel (ancient biblical time) had different rules for animal sacrifices. Lambs (babies), sheep (female), and rams (male) were sacrificed to symbolize different things. Lambs were for fellowship offering (Leviticus 3), while sheep were for a sin offering (Leviticus 4), and rams were for guilty offering (Leviticus 5).

“With the ram of the guilt offering the priest is to make atonement for him before the LORD for the sin he has committed, and his sin will be forgiven.” (Leviticus 19:22, New International Version).

So, since Ksaver decided to become the Beast Titan to kill himself out of his "sins" and guilty feelings, it is no wonder his titanic animal takes the form similar to one of a bighorn ram/sheep 🐏. Firstly, because he held a deep regret and pain for what had happened to his wife and son since his lies had led her to kill herself and the kid because of his “sinful blood''. Secondly, because, as he had told Zeke, there wasn’t much sense in devoting his life to die for the Marley country. So as Ksaver also had no real will to fight, his Beast accordingly turned out considered unfit for battle (114). And thirdly, Ksaver wanted to kill himself in the grandest way he could. Being a mighty war bioweapon, cursed to die in 13 years devoured alive by the next Titan inheritor while tied to an altar of sacrifice surely counts a hell of an impactful way to die. His Beast made the perfect sin/guilty ram in its ritual of sacrifice.

As a side note, there are three random curiosities that we might pick up from the bighorn Ram Titan:

This version of the Tarot Card Number 15, aka “The Devil”, reminded me of this scene:

While the animal in the Devil card is a goat, though, in the manga we have the ram, which is very fitting even though Isym must not have done this intentionally. But if it was a goat titan, it would immediately be associated with the real Devil, and indirectly mean that the Eldians were but pure demons after all. On the other hand, if it was a male lamb titan (the baby/young ram, without horns), it would be 100% opposite to the goat/Devil in religious Hebrew meaning as the lamb represents Jesus.

But if Isym picked more subtle references than just Levi’s Hebrew name (and the indoctrination of children) from that documentary Jesus Camp, choosing the ram for Ksaver with his bloody backstory in mind was a nice choice. Everybody in AOT had “bloody hands”, and holy purity can’t actually be attributed to Ksaver, the Beast Titan itself, nor any other AOT character.

Ramzi was the one to whom Eren confessed and cried over killing people and later smashed horribly under the Colossus Titan’s feet in chapter 131. His name is written in Japanese as ラムジ. The katakanas ラム also seems to be commonly translated as lamb in English. Ramzi was a literal “sacrifice” in Eren’s plan, huh?

The ram is often associated with the Zodiac Sign Aries. So some people noticed how there were similarities in the way Japanese Zodiac Animals were featured in sequence (the sheep/the monkey/the rooster = the sheep-ram/the monkey/the bird = Ksaver/Zeke/Falco).

Zeke’s Beast: The Monkey

“Even if I can't leave the internment zone, I'll still be alive…” Zeke, 114, (7 years old)

“It'd be stupid for you to become a warrior. You'd shorten your lifespan, invade other countries, and kill its citizens for Marley? Why would you bother doing something as stupid as that?” Ksaver to Zeke, 114

"I will inherit the Beast Titan. Not for Marley’s sake. I'll execute the plan to retake the Founder. And I'll succeed. After I steal the Founding Titan from Marley… I'll save the world. Just you watch. I'll free the people of the world from their fear of the Titans… and I'll free the Eldians from their suffering." Zeke, 114, (17 years old)

The Monkey has many symbols for the Japanese people. In their Zodiac, it's the 9th animal. The number 9 in AOT represents the total number of Shifters, the number of points in the symbol of Eldian of the Continent arm bandage/crown of King Fritz. (And it was also the total years Eren had his titans and the time it took him to end the Titan curse = 5 pre-basement revelations + 4 after RtS battle.)

Also, in the Zodiac, it is said people who are born under the years of this animal are clever and smart. They can come up with solutions to the problems they face. However, other cultural interpretations vary a lot with time and context. In summary:

monkeys were once considered heralds or physical manifestations of God; there was a monkey God of Crossroad between Heaven and Earth; and like priests, monkeys could mediate between the humans and deities; some were to protect especially the children;

then later the monkey became a "scapegoat symbolizing dislikeable people and trickster", the negative side of human nature; it was a "lowly animal trying to be human", imitating other people, and in some proverbs, they mean "undesirable humans that are to be ridiculed";

One worldwide known proverb involving monkeys is the "Three Wise Monkeys" 🙈🙉🙊. They are known in many cultures as "see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil", and two main different takes are: 1. don't give yourself to evil thoughts, and 2. be aware that you're lacking morals when you turn a blind eye and do nothing about the wrongness around you, feigning ignorance.

So, in Zeke’s case, the monkey is indeed fit to his narrative: he had a unique God-like power; for a long time, he had endured all the deadly secrets of the insurrection plans of Eldia’s Restorationists, and faked and tricked his feelings, actions, and beliefs to his parents, his grandparents, and the Marley Government to survive each situation. And his goal while inheriting the Beast Titan was to retake the Founder from enemies in order to put into practice his and Ksaver’s idea of salvation - saving non-titanizable people from the fear of Titans, and titanizable children from the pain of being born into that world. Also, Zeke's particular throw/aim skill was his best physical ability. Thus, his Monkey Beast Titan really embraced both his life luggage and the physical form required to achieve his biggest goal.

As a curiosity, The Wise Monkeys can be seen in Zeke’s life (art by perok - special permission granted for this post. DO NOT REPOST!) :

Maybe... If Zeke hadn’t seen the world in the way Grisha showed him... If Zeke had refused to listen to things the Ksaver had said in their lowest times... Then maybe Zeke wouldn’t have made use of his screams and talks to manipulate and kill people for their deadly goal.

And just as a curiosity: Isym made the design of Zeke’s monkey with darker eyes so as to make it purposely more difficult to predict where he was looking at (and why not to say also making him scarier and a little harder to read his thinking/feelings since the eyes are the windows to our souls).

What Zeke lived in the Warrior Program

Way before Levi, Zeke’s main enemy had been life itself. To be born meant to live manipulated by engraved biological drives/ actions/ reactions (chapter 137). As part of a titanizable race, it also meant that the whole world hated and feared your existence, and wished for your to vanish for good. The dangerous DNA in your body was also used as a way to manipulate the mentality of Eldians of the Continent that they were descendants of the Devil who should atone for their crimes doing anything for Marley. These two formers issues were absurdly complex problems that the Paradisians post-RtS arc also faced, and I think this gets forgettable as Zeke is actually constantly taken as the "main villain" of AOT… When in fact, he was not.

Anyway, Zeke was a kid who was failing the Warrior Program for the blonde didn't find any will to devote himself for Marley’s wars or country, contrary to the kids who wanted that to either achieve a slightly better life (as Honorary Marleyan) or to atone for the crimes of long-dead ancestors. The one thing which made him become the best was his goal of ending the existence of his people. So while paving his path as a future Titan Warrior Inheritor, Zeke spent his whole youth being harshly trained to become an important tool in Marley wars, just like Reiner and etc...

During the 10 years the Titan Curse allowed Ksaver to live, he was Zeke’s only friend, and the only one he could trust. We have no confirmation of what happened to Grandpa Yeager as to which point his mind broke, but in chapter 98, he says to Eren that the families of the Restorationists who proved that weren't involved with the plan had to devote everything to the military. And in chapter 81, Zeke also mentioned that he didn't doubt the King of the Walls would be sending "children and elderly" to death manipulated by an idea of honorable sacrifice. So it's possible he himself was pushed into the trench wars, maybe, as he was a known patient in the hospital treating other survival soldiers. Whether going or not, surely the weight of his regrets over Grisha had long broken his mind, and Zeke lived that. Zeke himself never got over his own deeds of denouncing his parents...

When he finally became a Warrior, Zeke witnessed firsthand both his people being continuously used as killing-machine tools in Marley’s wars, and by default spreading even more terror over humans about the “true nature” of the Subjects of Ymir. But another question we don't have much clarification on whether or not the Eldian were already used as Pure Titans in some of Marley’s battles. I suspect they were because after a century of battles against so many countries, the Marleyans highlighted the ability of the Beast and Female Titans to control and call the Pure Titans respectively. Also, while training to Retake the Founder, the Warriors in their Titan form must have fought against recently transformed Pure Titans to make sure they had the control to fight them.

Either way, Zeke is again used as a tool as he must have undergone scientific experiments to enhance and improve his Titan powers as it is said that the Titan Society (Marley Scientists) was out of ideas (chapter 93) to explain how the Beast could control the Pure Titans made with his spinal fluid. Colt’s specific remarks about the Beast's Pure Titans, and the fact that in the forest Levi’s titanized soldiers were faster and could climb trees - as well as the titans who attacked the Utgard Castle-, make me wonder if the biggest part of the Abnormal Titans were actually related to Beast Titans' blood in general. These types of pure titans were more unpredictable, sometimes moving more animalistic...

Also, after only one year of inheriting their Shifters, 4 out of the 6 Titans Marley possessed got trapped within the Walls in Paradis (aka the Colossus, Armored, Jaws, and Female). What resulted in only Zeke's Beast and Pieck's Cart Titan fighting in the human wars on the continents too for those five years. This certainly worsened the fact that Marley scientists used Zeke’s spinal fluid like it was juice in many battles tells that Zeke had to constantly undergo spinal cord/lumbar punctures, which is a hell of a fucking pain if you have ever had to make it for examinations.

[Another thing is that by the talks of Pieck (recognizing the 9 Titans of all times in the last arc), and Ksaver, Zeke, and Colt about the Scientific Society of Titans in Marley, as well as Eldia’s long history of playing with biogenetic and enhancing experiments, we can fill out a lot of what might have happened with all of them (Eldians and Warriors). But I know, these experimental bites will wander to the realm of headcanons, so I’ll not further it here. Imagination can roll to pretty dark places, though.]

Lastly, something that the manga depicts is that Zeke was frequently put under constant surveillance. Commander Magath stated this when he surprised both Zeke and Colt talking secretly on the rooftop in chapter 93 - “Eldians didn’t need privacy”. In chapter 95, we also see that Zeke’s rooms had wiretaps hidden inside the gramophone. And by how Porco also questioned the absence of Army soldiers in Zeke’s room, it suggests that the Yeager was most likely kept in frequent surveillance. When talking to Reiner and Berth before the battle of Shiganshina, we also see Zeke talking to his fellow Warriors with a Marleyan soldier in the room with them (chapter 115). And every time before a mission, the Warriors did an ideology checkup, as Reiner remembers in chapter 95 too.

Despite this all, back on the rooftop talking, Magath said he had watched Zeke for 20 YEARS, yet the blonde was “still as enigmatic as ever” to him. And Magath was both an experienced Marleyan Commander and Zeke’s former Warrior Trainer. So Zeke really learned how to keep his guards up and hide his thoughts and feelings.

Thus, from 07 to 29 years old = about 22 years of his life, Zeke lived everyday conscious, taught, and being reminded that:

he was born with a demonized cursed blood;

he and his people were let alive and in the internment zone because of their possible use as bioweapons and soldiers in Marley wars;

he was hated and feared by the whole world (both as a cursed Eldian and more as the infamous Beast Titan);

he lived under heavy military surveillance (that worsened as he got the Beast Titan) and in the constant risk of being turned into an almost undying maneater monster (or be eaten after inheriting the Beast) if he ever slipped up in his fake devotion, rebelled, or disobeyed Marley;

in the worst hypotheses (that will be put in the “wondering” horror thoughts) of being forced into any kind of crazy Titan experiment he would surely be submitted in the hands of Marley scientists;

he had no one to trust his Royal secret until Yelena appeared (and "enthroned" him in her own view in her own desire to be a relevant part of the Human story - discussed in chapter 127).

Then, I think it's a bit difficult for me to say that Zeke’s life was easier or less full of horrors after Grisha went to "Heaven" (which was also during the time Zeke just wanted to be quietly alive, in chapter 114). If anything, growing up in the Warrior Program, everything about the world and what it meant the worth of being an Eldian just became worse and escalated to Zeke’s character, contributing to solidifying his "Eldians need to cease existing" mentality.

Still, Zeke fought in many wars for the sake of climbing up in Marley's military ranks to retake the Founding Titan from Paradis. And as someone out of the scope of a "hero", how did Zeke survive for more than 2 decades in that damned real world? The short answer is pretending, deceiving, detaching himself from people, and lying. Traits that are morally condemned most of the time for the "heroes" tabs, and thus not by accident some of the most blazing characteristics that Zeke is known for.

3. So, considering all the things, can Zeke really just be the topmost asshole and evil character of AOT who simply wanted to bring an end to his entire race ONLY because of the abuse of his father?

Well, yes. He can.

However, there seems to be that Isayama has left these many explicit and implicit impactful layers in the life of Zeke’s character to not make him just plain made “100% good or evil”, nor only driven by a suddenly self-inflated ego born from his hate for his father Grisha. And narratively speaking, Zeke’s background was indeed unique.

Aside from his childhood with Grisha and sending his own parents to "Heaven" and become Pure Titans, there was no other aspect of Zeke's life that could be paralleled with any other character in Paradis because the life of an Eldian of the Continent was definitely different. Notice that when comparing/ contrasting Eren and Zeke’s characters, they focus more on what they had in common: their childhood with Grisha. Because except for what they both had lived at home, there wasn’t really any deep parallel to do since the power of Eren's Titan represented the freedom for Paradis, while the Warrior Shifters and the mere fact of being an Eldian were the ultimate nightmares for the entire planet.

What is more, it seems there is an overall erasure of the Eldians of the Continent's suffering narrative. Which, if not expressed through Zeke's euthanization intentions, doesn't seem to be noticed as a really heavy issue besides the personal pain it inflicted on loved characters (aka Reiner e Falco). That's why I think it's somewhat strange to believe Zeke’s character would have all that it took to become the "Devilish Savior" he ought to become (turning into a 13-years-cursed-to-die-Warrior, spending all that 22 years of his miserable short life trusting no one while also pretending to be many things he wasn’t for the people around him, and sticking to his own version of a genocidal plan) only because of what happened between him and Grisha.

Yams might have not explicitly drawn Zeke reacting to each one of the specific horrors during his Warrior times but - given what we saw through the eyes of Gabi, Falco, Udo, and the other during chapters 91-100, and in the struggles of Reiner, Annie, Berth, and Marcel - I think that if Isayama had done that, it would be kind of redundant. The Marley Arc and all Eldians of the Continent we got a close-up had already shown in different ways how ultimately horrible it was to be an Eldian of the Continent, a Warrior candidate, and a Marleyan Titan Shifter - either by just fitting into one of these classes or all at once.

In a more personal take, I also think that if we had seen more of an empathic or suffering Zeke before the events in the Paths with Grisha and Eren, it could have also added more unnecessary pity and a sense of helplessness over his character. After all, Zeke was wrong in his euthanization plan for MANY reasons. So much that he knew he couldn't even trust people "close" to him with the idea. BUT looking helpless is definitely something Zeke's character fought his whole life not to be. And his nihilistic and instrumental view of the world holds a very important point in AOT's narrative because:

Why be born and live in the world just to be forever demonized, robbed of true freedom, imprisoned in physically and mentally walled internment zones, abandoned by the only one who could help (The King/Founder), and be used as human-eater monsters or powerful bioweapons for wars that only worsened the global over your "cursed" race? And probably being allowed to live only until the Eldian race lost their instrumental use as a bioweapon and finally the world would kill you and everyone else of your race anyway?

And after everything we have seen him go through, I don’t see Zeke not being mindful of what was happening with his people and the rest of the world, or not thinking about it. Especially since with his Royal blood, Zeke knew he was the only one who could actually do something if he ever got his hands over the Founder Titan. And knowing the King's vow of "we accept to die by our sins when the World comes mercilessly judging us", Zeke opted to go for his and Ksaver’s own idea of freedom.

4. But if as an Eldian of the Continent and the last Royal capable of anything, Zeke wanted to do something for the sake of his people, why did he turn into this destructive role and come up with this murderous plan?

Because the story needed it and Yams wanted it LOL!!

Because Zeke did believe that not existing in the damned world they lived in was the painless/merciless/best option (chapters 114 and 137).

That's why on the verge of death, Zeke is finally sincere about his intentions and worldview to us readers and Levi. And I don't think this moment was another farce or trick of his character because Isym stated in the 2nd guidebook that the true nature of a human is exposed when they are in the face of their death.

By looking into the context of Zeke's backstory, in his mind, never being born meant never having to go through that unbreakable rollercoaster cycle of existence, of that inescapable human x Devil DNA dilemma. In the context outside Paradis life, it meant not being brainwashed into being seen as a demon or used as a bioweapon, nor being used as just a tool, and not living in constant fear. To Zeke, not creating more life (aka reproducing) would lead to the end of species problems (chapter 137). It would be the end of the entire race being the host of their cursed blood and the endpoint of the global horrors/fears imposed by the existence of the Subjects of Ymir and the Titans (chapter 114).

In fact, Zeke has been affected so deeply by what he lived and saw as an Eldian of the Continent that while he is killing the SC troops in the RtS arc, he gets enraged assuming that the Eldians of Paradis were going down the same path as Marley’s Eldians: with their minds wiped out and controlled by others, the SC soldiers were riding to their deaths being fooled into believing in governmental ideologies of self-sacrifice for a “greater good”, and embracing their “meaningless” death driven by a false sense of duty and honor filling their hearts.

(Zeke goes as far as mentioning that the government would send the elder and children to war, which makes me suspicious his grandpa Yeager might indeed have been forced into fighting for Marley after Grisha's betrayal…)

Interestingly, in chapter 80, Commander Erwin Smith had given the "kamikaze" Survey Corp soldier almost exactly what Zeke had imagined at that very moment. Just before this POV of Zeke in chapter 81, we had seen Erwin revealing to Levi his deep wish to just going to the basement, and how many things he had done - including sacrificing many comrades - were not purely for humanity's sake but for a hidden selfish desire to prove his father's theory was right (and all the "My father was right and innocent" validation that would come with it). And Commander Erwin had also told Levi that he would need the skills of a first-rate con man to convince all recruits to go to charge against the Beast Titan and die without him leading them. So this shows how strong it was the ideology necessary to move 200 soldiers to their horrible and certain death.

In other words, Erwin confessed to Levi that he had done many things as an SC Commander (high government position) lying and manipulating the growing pile of dead subordinates into believing that his hard and ruthless orders and actions were ALL and ONLY for the pure sake of Humanity when in reality he had his own little share of selfish dream driving him. So up until this specific part, Zeke was NOT completely wrong in believing that this SC "suicide charge" is a parallel with the rest of the world's reality. Considering ALL that Zeke had seen and lived as an Eldian psychologically manipulated by the Marleyan Government, Zeke was sure he was yet again facing another cycle of Eldian people being brainwashed, manipulated, and used as tools for other's sake.

Purposely preparing that narrative to be assertive with Zeke's mind, we see Marlowe riding to his death not thinking about some glories of sacrifice, but how cozy Hitch would be in her bed, then questioning why the heck he thought it would be honorable to sacrifice for humanity. Horror is all written in the faces of the soldiers as they ride to their apparent meaningless deaths. And Floch, the little shit, made sure to say that to Levi and the others on the rooftop, as he almost killed Erwin himself for using their lives like that.

"None of them died thinking how noble their sacrifices would be… I'm sure all they felt, at the end was... fear…" Floch, chapter 84

However, behind this all, we know things were different too. Thanks to the final talk with Levi, Erwin ended up being clearly shown walking into the right path. And Erwin’s passionate final speech is definitely something every AOT fan will probably never forget: while it clearly encouraged the soldiers into riding to their certain death, Erwin's words were visceral, beautiful, meaningful, wholeheartedly, and honest. Which means Zeke did end up missing and failing to understand the powerful force he was facing at that moment - in the sacrifices of the Survey Corps. But it's not like Zeke could ever expect something different. The world they have lived their whole life was way too different.

And, damn, that's why I think the way Yams works the worldview contrast between chapters 80 and 81 is even more BRILLIANT when revisited from Zeke's perspective more clearly now that we know what was his background. Even more as we think the way Isym makes the parallels between Zeke’s character and the Post-RtS arc last two Veterans: Levi and Hange Zoe.

With his range of philosophies, Zeke is like the antithesis of life in AOT. He embodies the extreme opposition to all that the manga had shown us about how people were great just for doing nothing but being born into this world (Carla’s beautiful speech in chapter 71); how sacrifices and deaths had meaning (Levi’s special life quest); and what it meant true freedom (not existing versus the whole dilemma of Titans and Eldians’ 2000 years cursed existence. And this last one was the hellish problem Hange - and the Survey Corps post-RtS arc - was trying to figure out an answer for!).

Of course, there is more, but just these three points already create an amazing duality that I can’t help but find fascinating. Especially their connections between Zeke, Hange, and Levi. I've written a bit into life philosophies backing these 03 characters to post here too, but as Tumblr doesn't let more than just 10 pics/post, I'll make another with the rest of my analysis of Zeke's character!

For now, I hope this has made some sense up until here, and thank you for reading it!

[pondering-apollo]

BACK AGAIN HAHA ok 13 with Porco? (≖ᴗ≖✿) though you can change the character if you want. just 13 in general is *chef’s kiss*

I finally did it! Omg the way that this just fell outta me today when I shoulda been doing a million other things. finally showing my boy Pock some love 💜. I hope it's okay @xokiddo! Not that I feel any pressure writing a request for you - queen of Porco content herself🤣😭. If it's shit please don't judge me okay thnx. 🙈

A Country Once Called Marley

Pairing: Porco x reader

Setting: canonverse

Wordcount: 4,487

Tags: Forbidden love, Marleyan/Eldian divide, Desperate affair, Smut, Angst, Bittersweet, Porco is a little shit (but also cute with it.)

Age guide: 18+

The air was hot as you stepped out on to the dock. The devastation wrecked across your continent had left entire cities ablaze, and the horizon in most directions glowed a hellish hue of orange.

Perhaps this really was hell on Earth.

Still, you could brave it for this. Brave it for him, as you waited in one of the last island havens Eren Jaeger’s army of titans had left for you all. Waited for him and his comrades to return.

It would be wrong to call it coming home, because this was not it - it was not the shores of Marley - and you had also never been such a permanent fixture in his life as home might suggest. Not really. But perhaps now you could be, once things began to rebuild. Who knew what state he would return in, but it didn’t matter. Because you would give him something new to live for, from now on.

Your gaze stayed fixed to that distant point where the bloody sea met the crimson skies, and as you waited for that tiny dot of ship to appear, your mind tumbled backwards. Towards a different time.

Your first impression of Porco had been that he was such a hot-headed, flippant asshole. Not the sort of guy you’d end up falling for. Absolutely not.

He’d come in to the little bar where you worked after training, maybe once or twice a month. You were immediately aware of his status as a warrior because of his armband. It was that same armband that both marked him apart from you, but also marked him apart from his own people, too. Warriors may have been labelled as ‘honorary Marleyans,’ but truthfully, just because he was allowed entrance into Marleyan establishments and permitted to use Marleyan facilities, he would never be seen as anything other than Eldian. None of them would.

Perhaps that’s why you took pity on him, that first time he came up to the bar. You’d seen the others before; you didn’t know their names, you only knew of them by the titans they held for the Marleyan army. The Cart, The Armour, and The Boy Wonder who possessed The Beast. If the rumours on the street were true, then the honey-haired man before you must have been -

“The new Jaw Titan?” You asked as you glanced pointedly at his armband. He rested his elbow on the bar, flashing it at you as though you’d call someone to throw him out if he didn’t.

“Yeah,” he grunted. “Four beers.”

You arched a brow at him. “Are you old enough to drink?”

His face flushed a deep shade of crimson. For some reason, the sight made your stomach twist with satisfaction. You’d grow to learn how much you loved to make Porco blush right across his nose and up to the tips of his ears, although for slightly different reasons.

“Are you kidding?”

“No. You look about fourteen. Almost too cute to be a warrior.”

He looked as though he wanted to punch something. You bit back a smile.

“Well,” he forced through clenched teeth, “if I’m old enough to fight your wars for you, then I think I’m old enough to order a fucking beer, don’t you?”

You should have had him tossed out for that. Warrior or not, there was no way you should allow an Eldian to speak to you in such a crude manner.

But you didn’t. You just smiled politely at him. Because he was right, after all.

“Fair. I’ll bring them over.”

If he was surprised, you never knew, because he spun on his heel like a whippet and marched back over to his table. You could still see the way the tips of his ears glowed though, as you lined up the bottles of beer on the counter.

Perhaps that was the start of it, all the way back then.

Perhaps hot-heads were your type, after all.

By the fifth time Porco visited the bar where you worked, you knew you were in trouble.

The snark between you both had grown to the point that it was bordering on flirting.

Well, no. Who were you kidding? It was definitely flirting.

It’s not like you could act on it, though. You’d disgrace yourself. Disgrace your family. Disgrace the establishment where you worked.

You did your best to ignore the little voice in your head that told you it would still be worth it.

You caught him eyeing the new dress you wore as you uncapped his drink. It was navy, A line, and cut just to the base of your knees - the latest Marleyan fashion. You liked to keep up with such things. It would seem trivial to you in later life, after everything. But at that point, you were still young and free, and the extent of your worries was how others might judge you by your sense of style.

“You look nice today.”

He drummed his fingers on the bar top. Maybe it was impatience for you to hand over his beer. Or maybe it was because he itched to touch you in that figure-hugging dress.

“Porco.”

You set the drink down in front of him, but your hand lingered. You’d asked him for his name the second time he’d visited. He’d thrust it at you like an insult, but all you could think of was how nicely it would roll off your tongue. You made a habit of using it wherever you could, after that. The first time you’d called a Warrior by their name.

Now, you were looking at him beneath long lashes, your teeth catching your lower lip at the side. You didn’t want him to give you compliments like that, because it only made the way your stomach would flip at the sight of him even worse.

He arched a brow at you. “Just an observation. Last time I checked, I was still permitted to make those around here.” His arm jerked; an exaggerated flash of his armband as it sat snugly around the arm of his bomber jacket. When you didn’t respond, he simply scoffed, swiped his drink from you and walked away.

Your fingers tingled where he’d brushed them, and you found yourself hating how much you wanted him.

Amidst the sultry, cloying heat of one of the hottest summers anyone could recall, your resolve finally gave out.

You wore your navy dress again.

The Warriors sat around one of the wooden benches in the little courtyard out back. It was far too warm to sit indoors; you could feel the sweat clinging to your own brow and neck as you fetched drinks back and to from the bar.

When you came up beside their table, you caught the back end of a conversation that made your heart sink to the pit of your stomach.

Words about deployment and war and leaving this place behind for a time, spoken by the bearded blonde - Zeke, you knew his name now. He was no longer just ‘The Beast Titan.’

“You’re leaving?”

The words slipped out before you could help them. Blonde eyes behind round-rims flashed at you. He looked annoyed.

“That’s none of your concern.”

But you didn’t care. You weren’t looking at him. Your gaze had gone straight to Porco.

He shrugged, nonchalant. Knocked some of his beer back. That green jacket he always wore was discarded on the bench beside him; red armband pulled taught around the curve of his bicep, on full display in the short-sleeved white shirt. You tried not to stare.

When he set the beer down, he wasn’t looking at you.

“Yeah. Be gone a while, I expect.”

But his cheeks were mottled a subtle pink again.

You collected the empty bottles from their table and left. Inside, the heat clung to your skin and seeped into your lungs, making you suffocate. You fanned at your neck. A shame what was currently fashionable was also not the most practical for weather like this - all straight necklines which cut just at your collarbone and three quarter sleeves which hugged your arms. You should have chosen a lighter colour, at least.

Porco’s words played over in your head. Be gone a while. They were leaving for that war with the East Allied Forces - that would be it. You’d read about it in the newspapers. Who knew when you’d see them all again, after today?

Who knew when you’d see him?

You were too busy trying to cool yourself and your raging thoughts to hear the footsteps approaching from behind.

A hand tapped your shoulder. You spun quickly.

Bright, amber eyes gazed back at you. Porco’s hair had become disheveled in the heat; strands slipping from their usual, perfectly slicked-back placement and hanging before his eyes. He pushed them back with his fingers, doing his best to smooth his appearance. The bridge of his nose was flushed from the sun.

The sight made you ache for him between your legs.

“When do you leave?” You asked quietly, your back resting against the bar-top. He seemed impossibly close, all of a sudden.

“Couple of days.”

You stared at one another for what felt like an age. Eventually, his gaze shifted. Travelled slowly downwards, towards your mouth.

You swallowed. “In the cellar. There are some crates. I need to -“

“Want me to move them?” His eyes snapped back to yours.

“Mmm.” It was the only sound you could bring yourself to make.

You shouldn’t have taken an Eldian behind the bar with you - even one that was supposedly an honorary Marleyan - but that would be the least of your worries in a few moments.

He followed so closely behind you, you could feel his breath on the back of your neck. It made the base of your spine tingle.

You fumbled with the door handle to the cellar steps.

“Here.” He reached straight past you, the heat of his chest pressed flush to your back, and turned the brass knob.

The door gave. You practically fell through it. Your hand found his, and you tugged him down the steps after you.

Your shoe had hardly met the stone floor when you were twisting, fingers fumbling for the waistband of his pants. You hooked, tugged him backwards with you.

The cellar wall was cold as it struck your back, and you moaned in both relief and anticipation. A moan that was swallowed an instant later by Porco. He crushed his mouth to yours greedily, a hand slamming into the wall beside your head, caging you in.

All at once your body was alight again, burning up beneath his touch now in a way that no cold stone could ever cool.

His kiss was demanding, the way he moved his lips against yours desperate for reciprocation. You gave it without hesitation, parting, surrendering to the intrusion of his tongue. You slipped your own tongue into his mouth, tasting him. He moaned in return, forcing your head back against the stone as though he wanted to devour you through the force of his kiss.

His hand was at your leg. Sliding beneath the skirt of your dress as he pinned you to the wall with his sturdy frame. Your fingertips dipped beneath the hem of his shirt, nails dragging on the grooves of his abs. His own fingers dug into the meat of your thigh, coaxing you to lift your leg. You felt yourself clench in anticipation, your hips rolling into him as your heel tucked neatly at his backside.

“Really want to fuck you.” His words slurred as he refused to break contact with your mouth properly.

“Mmm. Fuck me, then.” You pushed your hips harder against him, squeezing your leg to further convey what you wanted from him.

He pulled back only slightly, hand still resting on the wall by your head. His breath fanned over your lips. He smelt of the beer you’d been serving him. “Really?”

You could feel the hard line of his dick pressing into you through his pants. He knew it was wrong just as much as you did. But it only made you want him more.

“Please, Porco. Do it now.”

Do it now, in case you can’t do it ever again.

He didn’t respond with words. His hand slid the rest of the way up beneath your dress. Callouses ticked your sensitive skin as he dragged them along the inside hem of your panties. You pushed your forehead against his, squeezed your eyes shut as he travelled down along the curve of your ass, keeping your leg hooked over him. Fabric was nudged aside, and then he was at your entrance. His fingertips slid between your lips easily, but he didn’t enter you.

“Shit. You’re so fucking wet. Were you like this serving me drinks?” He whispered the words against your cheek, breathing raggedly. You could feel the way his chest rose and fell against you.

“Porco.” His name was a plea as it left you. You’d no idea how long it would be before someone came looking for you.

A low growl vibrated from him. He filled you with two fingers to the knuckle.

“Oh my - shit.”

His mouth found your throat, kisses lazy and wet lining your jugular. You fisted his shirt in trembling hands, thrusting yourself forward onto his digits. He curled, and you keened without shame.

His hand left the wall and clamped over your mouth. “Shhh. Someone will hear.” It stayed in place as he began to pump into you, punctuating each intrusion with a come hither motion which made you see stars.

You whimpered against his hand. Felt yourself clench around him. Only to find him gone a second later.

“Not like that,” he hissed. You felt him yank his zipper down. After a moment of fumbling between you, he had you pinned up against the wall, knees hooked over his arms and underwear shoved aside.

The stretch from his cock was beautiful agony. You gasped, fingernails raking and clawing the shirt at his shoulders, trapped between him and the unforgiving wall as he slid into you to the hilt. The way he filled you left tears at the corners of your eyes; it left you teetering along that delicious edge of satisfaction and discomfort. The way he held you there for a moment, in his arms and impaled on him, only made the heat pool quicker between your legs. You tensed your thighs, squeezing him impatiently. You felt his dick throb between your legs.

“Come on,” you moaned. “Fuck me, Porco.”

He scrapped his teeth along your skin, before running his tongue over the same spot. “Say please,” he huffed, and his breath rose goosebumps in it’s wake.

You slid a hand up the back of his undercut, into the longer strands of hair. Tugged hard. You’d have called him an awkward ass, if you’d had any will power at all. But you didn’t. “Please.”

That was all the encouragement it took. He withdrew slowly, but joined you again hard. You gasped as your back slammed against the wall. It only spurred him on, his dick driving inside you repeatedly with lewd, wet thrusts that echoed around the cellar. In the dimness, you could see the desire burning in his eyes as he brought his face back to yours; noses knocking and teeth clashing with clumsy kisses.

Your legs began to tremble, but his hold on you never faltered as he fucked you well; arms tensing when you dug your fingers into the smooth muscle.

“Show off,” you panted.

He adjusted, leaning into the wall slightly so that he could still hold you up with one hand and slip the other between you. The skirt of your dress was shoved aside, and then his index and middle fingers found your clit. Static shot up your spine.

“Say it again.” His voice was horse against your lips as his fingers drew tight circles through the fabric of your underwear.

You groaned, defeated.

“No?”

“Porco - hah!” The ability to think coherently left you as he rubbed you harder and faster, still filling you up with his dick each time he passed over your sensitive nub.

“That’s what I thought.” He nipped at your lip, his thrusts erratic now that he was trying to touch you at the same time.

It didn’t matter though, because you were already hurtling towards your climax. You squirmed, and he pulled his hand back to steady you both against the wall again.

The sudden loss of his touch burned. You clamped your thighs around his waist. He met you deeper, adjusting his angle so that his pelvis could meet yours flush and neat. You couldn’t ever remember feeling this full before.

“Yes- please- yes-“

He brought his hand to your mouth again, forehead resting against yours, eyes screwed shut.

“Shut the - fuck - up!” He hissed raggedly, pounding into you with abandon. “Need you to - ngh - come - before -“

He didn’t get to finish before you whined low in your throat, the sound muffled behind his hand. His grip at your thigh bruised. Your vision blurred with tears, your body contracting vigorously around his cock as you were pinned in place against the wall with it.

He tilted his head so he could meet you head on with his glassy gaze again, mouth parted slightly, face flushed a beautiful crimson, hair once again disheveled. He looked out of his mind with the sensation of you coming apart with him deep inside you.

You felt his length twitch before he jerked back, leaving you achingly empty. His desperate moan echoed around the cellar as he spilled over onto the floor, head pressed to your shoulder. You had no idea how he still managed to keep you both upright.

Eventually, he let you down onto your feet. You stumbled, and he caught you, one of those sturdy arms snaking around your waist. Your lips brushed his, slow and lazy now, both of you spent.

“Porco,” you murmured. You felt as though you might melt, with the way he was looking at you there in that moment. “Come back. Come and find me again.”

The corners of his lips twitched upwards. If he wasn’t so tired and sweet-looking, you might’ve called it a smirk. “Like there’s any doubt.”

The months without the Warriors were long; your days suddenly so much more boring than before. You tried to enjoy the gossip some of the female patrons brought in; tried to lose yourself in buying new clothes and showing them off to the other boys that would frequent the bar - the Marleyan boys, the sort of boys you should want.

But their banter just wasn’t the same as his. They just didn’t rile you up in the same way; didn’t posses the same cheeky smirks or biting comments that were almost too close to the knuckle. Their ears didn’t grow pink when you bit back.

You lost count of how many times you lay in bed at night and slid your hands beneath your bed covers, under the silk of your nighty, thumbs brushing your nipples and slipping between your legs as you pictured his face. That beautiful, raw look in his eyes as his cheeks flushed pink and his hair was mussed up, drunk on the feeling of being inside you.

You started buying the newspaper on your way into work each morning from the newsstand on the corner. You’d tear through the pages in the afternoons, when the bar was quiet, desperate for some news - any news - of the war. Praying you didn’t find casualties within the tightly printed text.

Eventually, though, you read the words you’d longed for: victory was Marley’s. Your heart stuttered, tears springing to your eyes when you learned they would be returning within the month. Your heart lifted, you wanted to sing praises to whatever god had granted you this second opportunity to fall into his arms.

He was home less than two days before you were blessed with the sight of him strolling between the double doors, clad in his usual white shirt, khakis and bomber jacket. That red armband glared at you from his bicep, but you ignored it, caught up with wondering whether he’d always been quite this handsome.

“Hello,” you said coyley as you uncapped a bottle of beer behind the counter.

He gave you a lopsided grin, an elbow resting casually on the bar top. “Hey. Fancy seeing you here.”

“I know. What a surprise,” you drawled, sliding the beer over to him.

“Miss me?” His brow twitched as he took a long sip of his beer.

You watched the way his throat bobbed, already hot and heavy between your legs.

“Maybe a little.” You bit your lip, returning your gaze to his. “Been a pain not having a strong arm around to shift some of these crates, downstairs.”

“Oh yeah?” He set the bottle back on the bar top, his gaze wandering over the yellow dress you wore. Your latest purchase - bought especially for his eyes, as soon as you’d learned of his return. You wondered whether he approved. “Plenty of Marleyan boys around here. Sure they would’ve helped you out.”

You clicked your tongue behind your teeth, eyes rolling. “They don’t know what they’re doing like you do.”

That was all it took. He had you spread out on your back across one of the crates of beer in the cellar; panting and moaning, panties by your ankles and his face buried beneath the folds of your dress as he made you come with his mouth.

“Fuck,” you choked. “See why you got the Jaws, now.”

He chuckled, breath ghosting against the slick, hot space between your legs, and if you weren’t about to come before, that sound sent you tumbling over the precipice.

Your dizzying affair with Porco lasted far less time thank you’d have liked. All too soon, reality as you knew it was torn apart. Your steady, pleasant little existence was ripped out from under you by the assault on Liberio, and in no time at all, you found yourself repeating those familiar words to the beautiful honey-haired boy with the smart mouth.

“Come back. Come and find me.”

He took your face in his hands, both of you wrapped in the shadows of one of the industrial buildings on the quayside. No-one would be around at this hour; the stars above blinking down on your farewell.

“Like there’s any doubt,” he whispered, capturing your lips with his.

The heartbreaking thing is, this time, you really believed him.

Finally, after what felt like a lifetime of waiting, you spotted the ship on the horizon.

Had they always moved this slow?

By the time it came upon the dock, your fingernails were bitten raw, your heart pounding so loud in your chest that you could hear it in your ears.

You watched the gangplank clunk into place. Tried to push towards the front of the crowd to get a better view of the passengers as they disembarked. You couldn’t buy a new dress, this time, but that hardly seemed like it mattered anymore. Besides, keeping up with fashion was something a refugee like you could no longer afford. That was for a different life, one that had come before, when you were young and careless and free.

It had been less than a year, but somehow, you felt so much older, now.

You clutched the skirt of your worn, yellow dress, palms clammy, eyes searching desperately for a shock of honey-coloured hair. A pair of bright, amber eyes. That wicked smile that had your knees weak and stomach flipping every time.

One by one, the passengers left the boat. The deck above began to thin out; to empty. All around you, people embraced their loved ones and wept tears of joy, but there were no familiar features to greet you. With every passing minute, your heart began to fracture, your stomach lurching with that sickly foreboding that you didn’t want to acknowledge.

But as the crowd finally dispersed, and you were left hanging over the railings with a deep ache in your chest, you realised you had no choice but to face it.

He wasn’t on the boat.

He didn’t make it.

You doubled over, a hand coming to your mouth to stifle the sobs which refused to stay put. Tears dampened your cheeks.

Porco was gone.

This time, he couldn’t come back to you.

Something tugged and snapped in your chest, but before the storm of emotion could come rushing out of you in earnest, a sound stopped you.

A chuckle. Deep and hearty. Familiar.

Your head snapped back up to the boat, and at the edge of the deck, finally, you saw it.

Honey-coloured hair.

Amber eyes.

… two pairs of amber eyes.

Your gaze found the smaller boy beside Porco; the image of him in so many ways, except with darker hair. Both of them were grinning, nudging one another. They reminded you of two brothers being playful.

Wait.

Didn’t Porco tell you once that he’d had an older brother?

The left side of Porco’s face glimmered strangely in the light for a moment, and your stomach twisted at what you were convinced was the image of steam, but then it vanished just as quickly as it had appeared.

He paused whatever he was saying to the younger boy. Peered over the deck. Caught sight of you.

His grin broadened. You smiled too, right up into the apples of your cheeks, sweeping away the tears with the back of your hand.

But then the image of him flickered, like a reflection in pool of water. His face fell, brows scrunching together and lips parted, as though he wanted to say something to you, but he knew you wouldn’t hear across the distance that lay between you both.

“Porco …?”

As quickly as his name fell from your lips, the breeze caught it, lifting the sound swiftly and carrying it away across the sea.

You were alone.

Years past. You found a new home, in the little island that took you in when more than half the world was wiped clean from existence. You made a family, a new sort of life, so very different from the one which came before.

By the time life was good enough to buy pretty dresses again, your skin was wrinkled and hair grey, and you fancied you couldn’t quite pull them off as you once had.

You still thought about him, though. The smart mouthed Warrior. The Jaw Titan.

Porco.

And as you would grow old and stiff and irrelevant to the world around you, at least to you, he would be granted that beautiful state of eternal youth.

Forever preserved in your mind with that slicked back, honey-coloured hair, beer in hand and bomber jacket discarded in the summer heat.

His eyes bright and filled with the promise of things to come, as he gazed at you across a bar, in a country once called Marley.

[pinkmirth]

➳AGAINST ALL ODDS | E. JAEGER

[ CANONVERSE + MEASLY ATTEMPT AT ANGST + SLIGHTLY FLUFFY ENDING + HOBO EREN! + ELDIAN SCOUT!READER + S4 SPOILERS + INDICATIONS OF MANGA SPOILERS??? ]

A/N; THIS OCCURS BEFORE EREN BEGAN TO INTERACT W/ FALCO + BEFORE EREN SENT THE LETTER TO THE SURVEY CORPS BACK IN PARADIS

WC: 3.3K

═════°∴,*⋅✲══❏══✲⋅*,∴°═════

This quaint little bench.

There's a sense of familiarity to the spot that never fails to make a sudden tingle, uncomfortable or otherwise, surge through Eren. Maybe it's the lonesome aura that he feeds off of day by day, practically “bench-ridden”.

Or it's possibly the sickening feeling of staying perched in the seat that reminds him that he could be somewhere else right now.

Somewhere far away from all the war and ostracization, preferably to a place that was closer to home; the island that he spent the majority of his miserable life in, so he'd say. Somewhere that was closer to you.

When he makes himself comfortable on this measly bench, it lasts for hours, if not longer. It's rather saddening, since hardly a single soul pays him mind throughout his wallowing and peering at the ground through vast strands of dark hair. Though, it also has its perks.

Relief, is what it gives him in the slightest; because nobody can watch him grimace to himself, distraught over what he’s becoming. Or, what he’s technically already become. He wouldn't dare say monster, it simply wasn't his place to. It was up to the people that he was bound to hurt in the future as to whether they’d deem him as such.

As trivial as it is, he can't help but think of what he’ll be seen as. Throughout all the plotting, it crosses his mind every minute of every day. Eren thought he was sure to grow past that, gradually grow devoid of emotions. Though, whether he expresses those churning worries or not, they'll still rest weighty, burdening and heavy, so heavy on his sulking shoulders. His name will practically be known as the incessant ringing of fear when heard aloud.

Eren Jaeger.

Eren then frowns deep, nimble fingers clenching at the handgrip of his wooden crutch, due to being in a dilemma that he silently screams over every night— Turning into somebody he’s not. Or better yet, somebody he didn’t know he was.

Before he lets out another sullen huff, the bench creaks. His brows instantly furrow, for it hadn’t made such a sound just for nothing. No, this bench was whining under the abrupt weight being placed among it. Somebody was sitting next to him.

Eren aligns his face to an expression ridden of expression, quicker than the agile way an unknown someone made their way beside him uninvited.

“You must be enjoying yourself here,” he can’t even attempt to cease the shaken, gruntled sound that leaves his lips over hearing a voice. Your voice. Eren knows you all too well.

He also should’ve known that you'd follow after him like you always do, and he knows that it's you who’s fervently, unshakingly searched for him up until now. Until finding him at his lowest, nestled upon this damned bench with a crutch in hand and his left leg half gone.

“Aren't you, Mister Kruger..?” His dull eyes flit up, and you’re already staring right back. Grinning and easing yourself into the wooden seat like this was some vacation.

All this time of staying in such a godforsaken continent must've brought him to the breaking point; hallucinating about the girlfriend that he abandoned all for the sake of moving forward on a baseless account, grasping for an unattainable sense of liberty.

It was either that Jaeger was in the middle of said bittersweet daydream, or you’d taken extreme measures— sneaking past Levi, making your way across the ocean, and enlisting yourself as an Eldian in Marley— all just to see your beloved.

That’s why you and him were such a perfect match— the pair of you were both fucking insane.

“Who would ever like it here..?” Eren sighs his brief retort aloud, accompanied by his pursed lips as he begrudgingly runs a hand along his face.

You always knew how to make Eren so damn angry, with his firm jaw clenched, thick brows downturned and all. Following him was practically a suicide mission; you could easily get caught in the mix of his plans, and you knew that. Of course, you vacuously followed after him anyway.

“Maybe I can make it a little more bearable for you, then.” You sound nothing but genuine, so much that he feels a brooding sensation of alarm. He could only pray that you weren’t planning to endure all the prejudice that came with the territory of being an Eldian in the internment zone. You always had to go out of your way just for the sake of Eren, sticking your neck out and risking it all.

He hated it.

“Go home.” Eren grunts.

“Only if you’re comin’ with.” You then tug at the white armband plastered along your left arm, “So we won’t have to wear these anymore.”

He groans distressfully at the sight. Never in his life did he ever want to see you clad in such a thing, that damned band of bondage.

“Take that off.” You smile to yourself, a brief and subtle one that eases his agitating worries in the slightest, “I’d get in trouble if I did, ‘Ren.” Your eyes flit down to his own arm, bearing the same band on his clothed bicep. Your eyes then drag along his form, which was noticeably burlier, despite being overlaid with such baggy attire.

His left leg, you mentally hum, that’s... new.

You pull your lingering gaze away, but he’s all too quick for you.

“Chopped it off.” Jaeger briskly explains, “What of those bandages over your eye? They just for show or what?” He voices a deep sigh over your questioning, but dubiously responds nonetheless. “I had to gouge it out.”

“What for?”

“It's all part of something bigger.” His tone sounds evident of mental fatigue as he huffs, “Something that you don’t have to worry about.” You merely sigh to yourself before voicing out a call of his name, which you were never bound to get tired of saying. “Eren. I don’t know what you’re planning to do, but I don’t think I like it either.”

“You don’t have to like it.” His words come out gruntled, pained. “Nobody likes war.” With only a few brisk, ever-passing minutes of conversing with Eren after months on end, you quickly realize that his dispiriting, flat-toned way of speech would be the new normal.

“I thought you liked the idea of causing destruction, ‘Ren.” Your chuckle clashes hard with the melancholy aura of the conversation, contradictorily so.

“We aren’t fifteen anymore.” Both you and Eren knew well that it was a rather blatant statement, one that didn't leave much left to further interpretation, but it was deeper than you knew regardless.

“I know, Eren,” Your subtle laughter died as quickly as it came about, a painful chord of realization striking you. Your former boyfriend had drastically changed. You repeat your prior statement once more, begrudgingly allowing your dispiriting reality to seep in a bit more, just in the slightest, “I know.”

“Then don’t treat me like the rambunctious little bastard I used to be. That isn’t me anymore.”

The sudden quiet lingers, and ironically starts to grow all too loud, unbearably so. It isn’t long until you emit a delayed hum, tapping your foot upon the cobblestone floor before maneuvering around on the wooden bench in search of comfort strong enough to break down the unbridling awkwardness.

“... You’re still a bastard, Eren.”

“Am I?” He emits a begrudging huff, one that lets you know that he believes it, even though he doesn’t want to. His thoughts began to flit back to the snippets of the future that he’d received via the paths, all the monstrosities he had to go through with.

Eren leans towards you until his lips are leveled with your ear, his bristling stubble grazing along your skin sparingly. “I’m planning an attack on this shitty continent,” his pitch falters lower until it sounds borderline secretive, “So I guess I really am a bastard.”

He didn’t feel obligated to whip up some conniving bullshit lie with you. You were the only one he’d sworn his unwavering honesty to, not even Armin or Mikasa. You couldn’t understand his reasoning behind that, so the most you could do was treasure it. Maybe it was because he saw so much of himself in you. How much better of a person he could’ve been, if not tainted by the horrors that the world had to offer.

“An attack isn’t necessary.” You retort within a whisper, “There's always other options, are there not? You don’t have to—“

“Let me guess,” Eren breaks away from the chain of hushed speech, one which he’d ironically begun himself. “You want us to run away together, all cooped up in some homey cottage so we can live the sweet life until my years run out.” It was all too scarily accurate to be a plain old scenario, one that seemed thoroughly thought out, as if it had been planned for years on end.

Though, this questionable scenario just didn’t pertain to you. His abrupt choice of words remained disparate with your soul, neither did they click with not one of your countless desires.

“That’s the exact opposite of what I want. Thought you’d know me better,” Your statement comes out as a borderline scoff, “I want what you want, Eren. Freedom.” You’d craved for such all on your own for as long as you could remember, and it definitely wasn’t thanks to him or his distinct ambitions that he’d made clear over the years as a soldier.

The explanation was rather simple. You wished for such because you’d always been that way, just as him. Though, there was an intricacy to Eren himself, that of which you were never quite able to comprehend.

He's always yearned for more than what his humble life had to offer, even as a child overconsumed by boredom.

Though, maybe his crave for “more” was just too much to bear in every aspect. Too much for anyone to give to him, too much for him to retrieve and bear all by himself, and too much to merely attain.

What happens next, though? When you’re unable to acquire what you seek resolutely, what you set your heart on wholly, what you go to bed thinking about? Eren knew the answer to that, and he knew it well.

You take it by force.

“Whether I attain my freedom with or without you doesn’t matter to me.” You continue on, “ I just had to see you again, before you get yourself arrested.” He quirks a brow, but is quick to ease out his facial muscles that reeked of question.

“You told me that your Titan abilities allow you to see into the future, ‘Ren.” You've already caught onto him and his brief “expressions” that you could hardly classify as such. “You saw yourself in a cell, Eren. Did you not?”

“I've been in a cell many times before. Could’ve been a flashback.”

It grows devoid of words between you and him once more, and isn’t as though nobody has anything to say. You had more, much more you were eager to speak of, yearning to talk with him about. Though, just as he stated earlier, Eren wasn’t the same teenage boy you’d familiarized yourself with—Meaning he wasn’t open to having mindless chats for hours on end.

“Before you interrupted me earlier, I was about to say something.” He remains still, hand seeming to eternally rest on the handle of his trusty wooden crutch. “—That you don’t have to go it all alone.”

Eren hums, one that indicates his dim, but lighted spark of intrigue. That wasn’t something he’d been preparing himself to hear, especially from the likes of you. “Send a message back home. A note, letter, something. And as for this attack.. we’ll be there.”

It was already part of his plan to implement the soldiers back home, so this only proved to show that you and him were always on the same page, but only to an extent. It was as though you were in such sync with Eren, line for line, but reading off of two completely separate books, or peering at the world through the same looking glass that simply had two different lens.

Despite your similarities, there’s some qualities to you that he finds rather unrelatable, and he can’t help but question you. Your faith in him, in your comrades, is all but too strong. It practically leaves you vulnerable to the slip ups of the ones you confide in so dearly, and it’ll only result in your mental crumble if they were to. Though, you always defied reality at the end of the day, and did what you felt to be most benefitable.

“What makes you so sure that they’ll be so willing and ready to kill?” Eren questions, despite knowing well of what the outcome will be of said attack. He’d already seen it all play out before, nor was any of it a sight for the lighthearted.

“We’ll be there.” You briskly repeat, “And even if the survey corps don’t show up, just know that I’ll be there.”

Albeit your stern words— which Eren found to be empty claims of you attempting to persuade him that you weren’t still that same teenager that continued to remain utterly hooked on him— You were incredibly loyal to him nonetheless, unwaveringly devoted. It was dangerous.

Eren inhales deep, moments before jabbing a pointer finger at your chest, right where your heart lies beneath.

Your eyes flit between his unmoving digit and the stuck gaze of his remaining eye. He doesn’t look away, doesn’t blink, but continues to allow his thick brows crease into his forehead with a furrowed motion.

“Don’t let this stop beating just because you want to be a follower for an undeserving bastard.” You may not know that he’s wholly pouring his heart into the words he says, and contemplated on making you swear an oath to preserving a life as inestimable valuable to him as yours, that one fact having been the only thing he couldn’t confirm by catching glimpses of the future.

Though, all you do is snicker, grinning in such an untimely manner. He’d known ever since you almost got devoured whole by a Titan and whisked away via ODM with a quirked expression of laughter on your face— You never did know the right time to smile.

“I don’t think you’re undeserving, ‘Ren.”

“I don’t fucking care what you think, [Y/N]. That isn’t what I’m asking of you.” Eren had always appeared rather calm and unnerving throughout his time in Marley, but just your sudden appearance was enough to make his voice sound urgent and strained rather than emotionless.

He proceeded to leave his eye fixated on you, and you could only wish to see the other underneath the array of bandages. Eren stared, and stared some more, his glare obviously more hostile than inviting. Though, there was something about him having his attention on you for such a lengthy duration that left you satisfied regardless, whether he’d been shooting you a lethal glare or a heartwarming smile.

There was more depth to his dull gaze than that of what met the eye. Something almost sinister in that dark turquoise eye of his. The trivial things were all part of a bigger scheme in the mind of Eren "Kruger".

Though, you were all the more significant of a role than any expendable pawn, whether he planned to use you as one to score himself a checkmate at some point in time, or otherwise. Albeit his lack of sincerity, not a single trace of such swirled somewhere far and deep beyond his dreary iris, Eren found it in himself to end up caring for you as he always did. It was this shitty ultimatum, choosing between his lifelong goal and you, that had been weighing him down.

“Don’t you dare end up—“ Jaeger’s statement starts off rigid and persuasive, just to result with a trailed-off speech, his words slurring into lackluster silence.

He clearly doesn’t want you to die— You know exactly what he means, voicing it out just isn’t necessary. Your morality was the last thing you could ever promise the man, and he knows it, yet still demands of you to keep true to such. Even he himself hadn’t had much days left to count.

“Just... Don’t.”

You grasp onto his hand, all sneaky and abrupt as though the action was forbidden. He feels calloused, rugged against your own slender digits, and overall nothing near soft to the touch as it used to be. You interlace his lithe fingers with yours albeit it all, the tense feel of his large palm that you seem to love for whatever reasons.

Eren refuses to allow you take notice, but the most minuscule slips of breath are catching within his throat, all the while you lead his palm to your beating heart. It was a soothing, recurring melody; The song of life, which had almost succeeded in lulling him into a state of momentary peace. His fingers curl lightly, in an attempt to fit well with your own smooth grip, and his hold is something you've gravely missed. Radiating off pure warmth and buzzing passion.

Eren remains frozen in everywhere but in the right hand where he encases yours, and eventually ends up squeezing onto you too tight. Though, you don’t mind it. He always held you that way given any circumstance, and you’ve always loved it.

You stroke the pads of your fingers along his knuckles, ones that have been grazed and bruised in the past, and possibly in the near future.

“I won’t.”

Your response is plain and brief, just the way he had been anticipating to hear it. Eren then sighs, and it isn’t as begrudging and distress-laced this time around. This slight sense of soundness that he was sure he’d never be lucky enough to find or experience ever again, was the very thing you found some way to miraculously gift him with, even if just for a couple seconds at most.

You squeeze his own hand in return, and he allows his eye to slip closed, eliciting a lowly hum. There was some unrecognizable feeling that he couldn’t decipher; It didn’t make his stomach churn for a change, but rather it twisted delightfully. Though, your effect on him wasn’t anything surprising.

“I won’t, Eren.”

Afterall, the pair of you had always been this way.

═════°∴,*⋅✲══❏══✲⋅*,∴°═════

[ptitelidio]

Secret Mission in Marley:

Involving: Petra Ral and Levi Ackerman.

Summary: the scene takes place when the survey corps infiltrated Marley undercover some years after Eren and his friends reached the sea. In this version, the special operations squad (or Levi squad) didn’t die and won against the female titan, the major difference is that Levi isn’t their captain and squad leader. It is instead Petra squad; she is a veteran soldier whereas Levi is an Eldian from Marley living in the continent. The humanity’s strongest soldier in Paradis is Mikasa Ackerman whereas the humanity’s strongest warrior in Marley is Levi Ackerman. They didn’t know each other until the survey corps leader Hanji Zoë sent their best hope to infiltrate the Marleyan recruits, Petra Ral.

Point of view: Petra’s.

-> Italic font = flashback

PS: I drew something for one specific moment, hope you’ll like it!

Hanji sent me a letter yesterday, they said it’s important to remember who we really are. I think she is right; identity is the exact reason for which the human VS titan war began a long time ago. To know who we are, where we belong, and where we go makes the difference to such a point that people are ready to die for it.

War is awful. And yet, here we are. Repeating the same old mistakes again and again. I should say that Hanji’s opinion is incredibly brave, I saw them overworking to prevent direct conflict, they always preconized discussion. Unfortunately, it’s not the most common opinion, it’s so much easier to give in to fear. That’s why Hanji sent me here, in Marley, I have to find a way to stop that war. I know it’s not a one-person job but little by little, step by step we will find a solution. I’m looking forward for a bright future.

I remember the very first time I came here in Marley, we were all startled. We saw things we never could have imagined in Paradis. It was a brand-new world full of possibilities or that’s what I thought because I learned that even here terror was reigning. I fully experienced it when I joined the Marleyan warriors two months ago, it was very complicated to make me enter but Hanji managed to get an accomplice from the new Eldian Resistance Group and with their help I could join the recruits with a yellow armband. Soon enough I got to get along with Marleyan and honorary Marleyans, they were not that different from us. We had the same dreams, the same histories, we were human after all regardless our origins. However, this was something Marleyan people couldn’t accept for many reasons… the main being power.

I didn’t think my life would change briskly but it did happen. One of the nine original titan owner died, he was named Porco Galliard and I was selected to inherit his titan overnight, it was 2 weeks ago. The jaw titan. It was one honorary Marleyan Captain who handpicked me, Levi Ackerman. He has that peculiar expressionless face you can’t forget for sure. The thing I noticed about him is that he wears a red armband which means he’s also a titan shifter. But which one I still don’t know. I remember what he said back then to his higher up when he pointed his finger at me

“I want her in my team. I think she is able to get Galliard’s titan.”

I remember how the man he was talking to didn’t argue and congratulated me for my efforts. After handshaking, I experienced one of the most traumatic thing in my life which was to eat someone as a titan. That’s when Captain Ackerman kind of took care of me when I joined his team.

Thanks to this, I was becoming even closer to my goal even if it meant deceiving him and the other people I met, I had no choice; my fate was already decided, and I couldn’t give it up right now.

“That’s weird.”

“Uh? What are you talking about, Captain?” I answered.

“You seem pretty quiet today, that’s not like yours. You’re usually such a crappy chatterbox.”

“Oh, don’t worry. I was just lost in my thoughts.”

“Well…”

The thing is, I just remembered the first time we walked here together. The situation was… a mess, actually he nearly discovered who I really was.

As we were taking a strolling together in city, I couldn’t resist observing everything around me to the point it got suspicious. It was my first time in here. Liberio was lively, and people were preparing the fair looking forward the head of the Tybur family speech in a few days.

I didn’t notice at first, but I felt Levi’s glare on me as if he were thinking of something about me. I should say ever since I entered his team, he’s been keeping an eye on me as if he suspected something, but I hope I’m just being paranoiac. The second following that mere thought happened to answer to my question.

Without the time to think, I was carried away in a narrow street, Levi blocked me against the wall holding a knife at my neck. Was he… intimidating me?

“Okay ginger, you’re gonna tell me every single thing about you.” He said with a threatening voice.

“Eh… I mean… if you want to get to know me better… there are other ways… you know…” I nervously laughed. I was totally in distress because I knew he knew something but I couldn’t… no I didn’t want to admit it.

“Don’t play dumb with me… who are you? I’ve been watching your awkward behavior.” he kept asking.

“I’ll tell you if you promise to not kill me.”

“Why would I f*ucking do that? To leave you wandering around with bad intentions. No way. I could put an end to your life right now and no one would know.”

“I wouldn’t do that if I were you. Do you forget I have the jaw titan? Besides, I don’t fear death. You’re too late.”

“Whoever you are, I promise to discover it as soon as possible. Now walk.”

After a moment of reflection, Levi pulled me out of the wall by griping my collar and made me walk toward the principal avenue. He hid his knife from people’s glare pretending to be unharming.

Fortunately that day he spared me… well he never told he knew I was from Paradis, but I still think he keeps suspecting me anyway. Suddenly Captain Levi stops himself and I look back to understand what was going on. Without asking, Levi lifts up my chin and says

“Stop driving attention to us, Eldian”

Eldian? Did he say Eldian? Then… he finally guessed after all. It was useless to deny it right now.

“Y-yes…”

“The way you kept saying “soldier” instead of “warrior” was a hint ya know… but you successfully deceived us all. Congrats.”

“Well… what are you going to do with me now?”

“What am I gonna do of your shitty ass? I really don’t know.” He finally said after a long sigh. As we resumed our little stroll, I couldn’t resist to ask

“You could have denounced me a long time ago. Then why?”

He didn’t answer as if he didn’t know what to say either. But then he lifts up his eyes toward the sky with a pensive expression.

“I actually suspected you from the beginning, but I didn’t want to believe it. Besides, I was the only one. You’re good at it I guess…”

[aremie]

𝐑𝐄𝐂𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐓𝐄 ❞ ( EREN JAEGER X FEM. READER )

𝘀𝘂𝗺𝗺𝗮𝗿𝘆 ;; Eren is dead, your friends are dead, Annie and Armin are probably starting a new life together, Levi and Mikasa are hiding together somewhere, and you are left alone. Left alone in misery, you try to bring Eren and your friends back to life by abusing the extent of your abilities.

𝗮 / 𝗻 ;; this is based on wandavision, some aot manga spoilers, ending is different, eren is crystalized, reader is twenty one here.

𝗱𝗶𝘀𝗰𝗹𝗮𝗶𝗺𝗲𝗿 ;; reader has abilities like wanda maximoff, you have powers like chaos magic, manga spoilers, don't read if you don't want to be spoiled. Different ending from the manga, Eren is crystalized in this one, canon divergence. CHAPTER TWO here.

IT WAS BLOODSHED everywhere and you can't seem to escape that. Its been two years since the departure of you and your friends. Jean and Connie turned into a mindless titan, Hanji was dead, Mikasa and Levi were MIA, Armin was nowhere to be seen, Annie's whereabouts were unknown and you were left alone.

You missed everyone but mostly Eren. You always dwelled into the past and thought what would have happened if you had just answered his question differently.

"The moon is beautiful, isn't it?" Eren had asked you while you struggled getting up the rooftop. The two of you had snuck out of your rooms to look at the sky but the time was random.

You, Eren, Mikasa and the others had just returned from a mission that involved titans. It was hard to say the least. You almost died due to a titan grabbing your right leg and almost crushing it but luckily, Eren was right there and saved you from your near death experience.

"Mhm." You hummed while Eren took his time to put his head onto your lap gently. There was a comfortable silence between the two of you as you two both cherished the moment.

It wasn't until you felt Eren sit back up that you felt something off about him. "N/N?" He asked in a childlike manner. "Hmm?" You looked at Eren's emerald eyes, noticing the sadness in his eyes. "What's wrong, 'Ren?" you asked softly.

The distressed brunette glanced at you and then asked, "Do you think i'm a monster?" And after saying that, you responded quickly. "No! Why would you think that?" You scolded him in a way a mother would scold their child.

You reminded him of his mother Carla in that very moment. From the way your tone was to how your hair and clothing apparel was like. You had your hair tied loosely, hanging on your right shoulder, a simple knee-length cream-colored dress and black boots to finish the look of.

He wonders what you both are gonna do once the war between the titans and the marleyans are gone. He sees himself working as a doctor like his father and you would be the mother of his children. But unlike his father, he'd do everything to protect you and his children. The only thing keeping him from doing this was the ymir curse.

"Use your power on me." Eren bluntly said, not knowing how crazy he sounded until he saw the confused and outraged look on your face. "Eren, What the fuck—?!" You shrieked, alerting half the people that were asleep.

"No, you completely got it wrong. I didn't mean it like that." Eren immediately defend himself, not wanting to get scolded. "Then what do you mean?" you asked, getting more confused. He then grabbed and held your hand.

"Tell me what you feel." He said as you used your ability. You felt nothing but pain, sadness, confusion and anger. It scared you. It didn't feel anything like your lover.

"So?" Eren asked but it didn't feel like a question. Its as if he was pleading for you to answer while you shook your head. "I just. . ." You didn't know what to tell him. What were you gonna say? "I just. . . I just feel you." You answered, noticing the pain in his eyes. Was it the right answer? You asked yourself.

"Oh. Alright then." Eren responded with pain laced with his voice. You wanted to ask him if he was alright but you already knew what the answer would be so you just stood there silently, waiting for the sun to rise.

YOU FELT NOTHING but regret. If you had just answered his question differently then he maybe have stayed with you or maybe run away together and then no rumbling. You always wondered what the outcome would be if you answered differently. Multiple scenarios coming in your mind but almost everything that had came into your mind was too selfish.

You knew that what he was doing was right in a way. He was saving Eldia but what did it cost? It costed him everything. In another life, he probably would have lived with you peacefully until the end of his time.

If you were in his shoes, you probably would have chosen the selfish route in which Marley evades and kills all eldians but at least you had your happy ending, right? You knew that your thoughts were incredibly selfish which was why you tried acting like a selfish person. You tried to be a better person for Eren.

Which was why when you went to find Eren ina crystal, you decided to let it go even if it was hard. You tried living your life the way Eren would have wanted you to.

But all the efforts you had made was destroyed once a certain envelope was placed on your porch. You of course, the curious person you were opened the envelope that involved a map in it.

You then looked at the map and noticed a red mark placed onto a certain place. You wondered the importance of the marked place. Filled with hope that Eren might have escaped, you decided to go to the marked place.

Your hope and happiness was crushed when you saw a demolished cabin. It would have looked decent had it not been demolished. You saw a blueprint of the house which left you wondering why it was demolished when it looked absolutely breathtaking.

Looking at the final piece that was in the envelope, you noticed a letter that seemed to be written two or three years ago? You hesitantly opened the letter and was shocked to find the continents in it.

To my beloved,

To my very dear [Y/N], It has come to my senses that the war is nearing its end and yet, we have no plans for our future. I found this cabin while you were still in bed, healing after a titan almost crushed your leg. I was wondering what our lives are gonna be once this all ends.

Looking at this cabin, i suddenly realized. I want to spend my whole life with you. To marry you, and to have children with you. I swore to myself that i will protect you until the end of my time.

But i knew that it would be quite impossible with the things that has befallen us both. I always try to look on the bright side even if i know that my wishes and yours would be too selfish for the world. I want my last few years to be spent with you. I want to be selfish for once and be with you. But i know i can't.

You're the best thing that has ever happened to me. From the way you supported me and believed in me, to the way you defended me when the world was against me. When i first met you, i knew you were the one for me. As cheesy as it did sound, it felt like love at first sight.

So as a remembrance once i'm gone, this cabin will be your home. For you to grow old with.

Adieu, my love. May you live your life happily.

Ever yours, E.Y. — 853.

It was moronic, quite funny actually. All your efforts of living a life without Eren had been crushed and all it took was a stupid letter that was written three years ago.

You, being overcome by severe anguish, had a breakdown, causing you to unleash your abilities to an extent for the first time, forming a new reality around you, transforming the entire village into a more colorful and happy place filled with sitcom vibes.

You weren't thinking straight when you did that. Hell, you didn't even know you could do that. All these years, Levi and the corps had been trying to hide out these abilities but their efforts were also ruined. Just like your Efforts of trying to build a new life were.

It took you a few minutes to calculate what had just happened.

As you stood up, still not being over the letter, you noticed the Cabin rebuilt as you were inside it. You were confused and scared about what just happened. Did you do this? How? What are you going to do now? All these questions popped onto your mind but all of these were interrupted once you heard a familiar voice outside.

All of your hopes were back as you immediately headed outside and saw the man you longed for. "[N/N], you're finally here!" Eren happily said while you looked at him in denial. You must be seeing things. You told yourself.

"[Y/N]? Are you alright?" Eren asked while tears were filling your eyes. You then nodded as you snapped your fingers as your hair color and clothing changed from disheveled and random to a more curly and elegant hairstyle and a more housewife-ly dress.

Upon casting the spell you had unknowingly made, you engulfed yourself in your new reality, where you and Eren would go on to live happily together, daring to harm anyone who would try to ruin your perfect life.

[itslieutenanthawkeye]

After Laughter

Day 1 of Jeankasa Week 2021: Reunion / After The Three Years

Ao3 

After over a thousand days of grief, Mikasa is able to laugh for the first time in years.

Mikasa’s heart was frozen in time, fixated, perhaps, on the man that had laid beneath the ground for three years now.

She’d almost refused going to the royal party organized by Historia in the inner districts, the one to commemorate the beginning of peace. Proposals from men swarmed her each time she showed herself to any event Historia invited her, and comments from people who hated her were even more prevalent. She didn’t like attention and it seemed that the older she grew, the more attention she received.

But above all, Mikasa Ackerman didn’t think she deserved the fun of that night. She could count the number of times she’d laughed since her return to the island with one hand. She wasn’t worthy of the island’s forgiveness, of the future it had to offer, not after seeing the horrors the man she had loved had caused, with the man’s head She couldn’t forgive herself for loving a monster, for mourning him still. Not now, not ever.

Thus, happiness was a commodity she couldn’t afford. Lovers of monsters didn’t deserve anything.

She wondered if the same thing went through her friends’ minds as she walked into the room, followed by two dozen pair of eyes. Traitor, A few voices echoed, giving her the urge to roll her own eyes. For some reason, jaegerists focused all their hate on her, going as far as using slurs against her whenever they saw her.

She didn’t understand it, neither did she like it, but Mikasa had learned to live with it. Maybe she deserved it, she thought gloomily.

Her feet took her to the first balcony she saw. What was she doing there?  Historia had invited her, but for what? What purpose did she have with all these people? She had a home, an empty home with a cold stove and a hard, colder bed, but a home she’d built herself nonetheless. She could’ve been knitting something instead of suffocating in the dress the queen had sent for her.

“Mikasa?”

Mikasa turned around, certain she could recognize that voice anywhere. “Jean,” she said, blinking in surprise at the sight of him. “You got taller.”

He wore a fancy looking black suit, which somehow enhanced the hazel in his eyes. “I know,” he said, scratching the back of his head awkwardly. “I must look like a big goof.”

“You don’t.” Mikasa replied, playing with the embroidered sleeves of her dress. “Welcome home.”

“Thank you,” he said, giving her the kindest smile anyone had given her in a while. “Armin’s looking everywhere for you in there.”

“I figured,” Mikasa said. “Did he send you for me?”

Jean lifted a packet of cigarettes in front of her, taking slow steps until he stood next to her. “I wanted to have a bit of a smoke,” he said, moving his neck one side to the other. “It’s a bit of a large crowd in there…and I had something different in mind for the first time I saw you again.”

“How so?”

“First, I wasn’t going to be reeking of cigarettes,” Jean chuckled, putting one in his mouth, struggling with what seemed to be an lighter. “Second, Connie and I thought maybe flowers would’ve been appropriate.”

“To hide the smell of cigarettes?”

“Good one,” Jean replied, giving her a sideways glance. “How have you been?”

His question was polite enough, but Mikasa knew of the layers of meaning it conveyed. She’d been apart from them for a whole three years, frozen in time and in grief, and Jean knew it as well as the rest of what was left of their squad. A cordial answer came to her mind, but she didn’t think Jean would be the person to believe a lie, not from her. “Lonely,” she admitted. “Sometimes scary.”

A crease appeared between Jean’s eyebrows. “Scary?”

“Sometimes I think I won’t get rid of the things we saw back then, and from the things I saw on the way back to the island,” Mikasa said without looking at him, knowing that he probably had his eyes set on her. “I see them when I’m asleep.”

“Me too.” Jean said. Mikasa turned to look at him and he smiled again. Suddenly, the music from the party became distant in her ears. “You’re not the only one who has it, Mikasa. The guilt. I see them every night, too. I feel bad for not stopping him earlier, I feel bad for not saving him. For still caring about him, too.”

“You as well?”

“I can’t imagine what it must be like for you,” Jean replied. “You loved him, didn’t you?”

Mikasa nodded; for some reason, admitting that she had loved Eren, to Jean of all people, didn’t make her feel as much of a terrible person. The syncopation of grief and peace was new, and not at all bothersome.

“Have you loved anyone since?” Jean asked suddenly.

“No.” she said. There had been more than a few men who had shown interest in her; they were handsome enough, good sons and brothers with good hearts, and yet Mikasa had never paid attention to any. But she wasn’t going to start gossiping about men with Jean.

“How about you? Any of you have someone back in the continent?” she asked, clearing her throat.

“Connie does,” Jean replied. “She’s a cute girl, a couple years older than him. I don’t know which one of them speaks louder, and I still don’t know which will get tired of the other first, but they’re happy. I’ve no idea how, though.”

A low chuckle escaped her, and Mikasa brought her hand to her chest.

“What’s wrong?” Jean asked.

Mikasa shook her head, undermining the matter. “I couldn’t remember the last time I laughed.”

“Well, it’s a lovely laugh,” Jean replied automatically. “I’ll tell the others to make a point of making it come out more. I’m sure Connie will help, also Pieck. She’s a bit of a handful, though. Lovely, but she does have a tendency to get in your nerves when she tries.”

“Are you and her…”

“Pieck?” Jean laughed. He hadn’t touched the cigarette he’d lit since the beginning of their conversation; and the embers of it had gathered in a heap near his hand. “No. She likes girls, for the most part. Besides, she’s not my type.”

“But do you have someone?” Mikasa asked, suddenly curious.

Jean turned to look at her, his eyes almost shinning in the moonlight. “How could I?” he said in a stark, unusually bitter voice. “I feel like I can’t move on.”

Mikasa nodded; she understood that better than anyone. “Move on from everything that happened?”

“That, and other matters.” he said, his eyes still on hers. He’d grown at least a couple of centimeters since the last time she’d seen him, which made him look even more mature, more like a proper adult. Years ago, during their attack against Marley, she thought Jean had finished with all his growth. But he’d settled more into his adult self even more during those three years across the sea. The lines of his face were sharper, his expression sterner and yet just as kind as before. He was truly a leader now, a diplomat and a war veteran. Adulthood suited him well.

The rest of them would be the same; they would all keep moving forward, growing, living life, and leaving Eren and their other fallen comrades behind, frozen in time as mere memories. There was a burst of energy in her chest all of a sudden; one that told Mikasa she didn’t want to be just another comrade left behind.

“What other matters?”

“That’s a secret,” Jean replied. “I’ve been keeping that one sealed for a while now.”

Mikasa frowned, curiosity growing. “Is it bad?”

“Is love bad?” Jean asked. Mikasa looked at him for a long moment, realizing how close they stood, how intently he was looking at her.

Jean laid his hand on the balustrade, his skin touching the hot embers from his cigarette. “Fuck!” he shouted, jumping up and down in the same place as he tried to shake off the ashes, cursing in both eldian and another language from the continent she didn’t recognize. He put the cigarette in his mouth, but it only fell apart on his perfectly white shirt, leaving a stain.

“Fuck!” Jean shouted again.

Mikasa’s chest jolted once, then twice, then thrice; each time, a little hiccup of laughter escaped her at the sight of Jean trying to shake off the hot ashes off him. She folded over herself, her eyes filling with tears, her laughter accompanied by snorts. It didn’t take more than a couple of seconds for Jean to join her.  

“Hey!” he said after a few minutes. “Don’t laugh at an injured man.”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Mikasa repeated, laughing still, leaning against the balustrade and holding her stomach. She looked up at him. “It’s just…”

Jean smiled widely as another fit of laughter took over her. “Mi-ka-sa!” he shouted. “Come on, don’t laugh at your comrade.”

“I’m sorry,” Mikasa replied, catching her breath. She straightened and used the sleeves of her dress to wipe the tears that had spilled down her eyes during her fit. “You’re taller, but you’re as much of an idiot as always.”

“Am I?” Jean said, smiling. Mikasa nodded, covering her mouth with one hand to laugh a little more, using the other to lean on his shoulder to steady herself.

“Just as much.”

“Well, at least I made you laugh.” Jean pointed out. Mikasa’s lips fell open in surprise; how long had it been, really? She couldn’t remember one occasion in which she’d laughed this hard. Ever since Eren had told her he hated her—no, since before. Ever since Sasha’s death, or perhaps since before Sasha’s death…

“I don’t think I’ve laughed this hard in over ten years.” She admitted, almost embarrassed that her last memory of a fit of laughter was one from her childhood, from before the rupture of her small family. What a sad little human she must be.

“It’s lovely,” Jean repeated, smiling. “Even when it’s at my expense, thank you very much.”

Mikasa snorted again. “I’m sorry. It’s just…your dance, it was ridiculous.”

“I was on fire, Ackerman.”

“You were dancing, Kirstein.” Mikasa quipped back, surprising herself at how easy they’d fallen into banter territory. “Thank you, Jean. I don’t…I don’t think I remember the last time I’ve spoken this much. It’s weird to hear myself speak.”

“I’ll be here for a while, and then maybe a little while longer,” Jean replied, moving his arm to gesture towards the benches laid out across the balconies. “I’ve all the time in the world to talk, if you want to.”

Mikasa considered it, looking at his anxious face. Was he fearing that she would say no?

She couldn’t say no, not after what he’d done, not considering he’d been the one to make her laugh for the first time in an eternity. Besides, Mikasa realized, she didn’t want to reject his invitation. This was Jean, after all. She wasn’t talkative, but she knew he’d make up for it. “I’d like that,” she said. “I don’t have many stories, though. Do you?”

“I do,” Jean replied. “I’ve got a hundred stories for the continent.”

“You won’t mind telling me?” Mikasa said as they walked together towards the benches, separated by only a few inches.

“I’d love to tell you.”

Mikasa gave him another look. “You really did get taller.”

“And you really got lovelier.” Jean said. “Loveliest sight in a thousand miles.”

“Are you trying to make me laugh again?”

“I’m trying to give you a compliment.”

“Oh,” Mikasa said, lowering her face to hide the heat that had rushed to her face. “Thank you.”

“Your hair’s longer again.” Jean said.

“I was thinking about cutting it.” Mikasa replied. “But I didn’t want to, in the end.”

“Thank Ymir for that.”

“Why?”

Jean shrugged, smiling as he looked up at the sky. “That hair of yours is pretty.”

Mikasa smiled. “Tell me about the continent, please.”

__________________________

Armin frowned as he made his way across the ballroom, hand in hand with Annie. They’d been looking for her for the better portion of the party, and they hadn’t caught a glimpse yet. She was there, he knew from what some of the guests had informed him, but he couldn’t find her.

He wanted to show her their rings, he wanted to ask her to be at their wedding at the continent, he wanted to tell her of all the things that had happened in those three years while they’d been away. Above all, Armin wanted to hug her, to tell her, to promise her, that she wouldn’t be alone anymore.

“I think I see them.” Annie said, opening the glass door in front of her.

“Them?” Armin asked.

“There,” Annie said, pointing with her index finger. “On the benches. I think that’s Jean.”

“Jean?” Armin said, bewildered. Armin pulled him forward, and they walked across the balcony until they reached the two sleeping figures on the bench. Mikasa had her hand on Jean’s shoulder, while his head rested peacefully on hers.

“Should I wake them?”  Annie whispered. Armin shook his head, noticing the dark circles under Mikasa’s eyes. Anyone who knew her as well as he did would realize this was probably the first time in a long time she got to sleep peacefully. “Is this why he never paid went with any girls back home?”

Armin smiled. Back home. That was the continent now, for him, and for Connie as well. It had never been for Jean. To Jean, home was someone. And that someone had grown out her hair, and wore a pretty dress with embroidered sleeves.

“We should probably get them a blanket.” Armin said. “They’ll be embarrassed enough when they wake up though.”

Annie snorted. “I want to see that.”

__________________________

Mikasa leaned a little closer to the warmth to her right, which felt like sunlight itself giving her a hug. Dreamless sleeps were a bliss, a bliss she hadn’t had the privilege of in a long time. And the warmth next to her was soothing; an ointment for even the deeper scars of her heart. In her sleep, Mikasa smiled.

[melishade]

In the Soundwave timeline, how's he gonna take over the world? He and Laserbeak have a groundbridge and some Cybertronian ship, but will that be enough to stop Optimus and Megatron from protecting humanity? Marley and Paradise are working well together so far, especially with Calvi out of the picture and Willy befriending Optimus, so they have a huge advantage over Soundwave.

Part 8: Willy and Lara feelings about Megatron

Soundwave still has Pieck, and I stated before that he will use the technology he's gathered along with using that technology to create a groundbridge (so he's going to be sending people into the Shadowzone), a ship of his own, and Lazerbeak.

But just for fun, I'll throw in Hizuru as Soundwave blackmailing the continent. (In this timeline, Hizuru and Paradis have not made contact.)

With Soundwave's expert spying, he realizes that Marley and Paradis has joined forces, and knowing that will cause a derailment in his plans, needs extra support and fast. He went after the Middle Eastern Alliance and stole their technology because they were the ones who actively stood a chance against Marley's forces. They had the best technology, but because of his interference, the Middle Eastern Alliance are now turning on each other.

(He watches the shit go down as entertainment while Pieck is just mortified at it all.)

So Soundwave knows that he's going to need a temporary army until he can finish his machine to contact the Decepticons. Through his spying, he finds out about Hizuru shady deals and military advancements and decides that they are the best route.

He waits, spies on the locals, finds out more information about Ambassador Kiyomi, the Azumabito Clan, the Hizuru Royal Family, and the country's disdain for the royal family. He learns that the current one was placed there during the loss of the actual heir and the fall of the Eldian Empire. Taisho's father was despised, Taisho himself is hated, Kenshin is considered neutral, but...they all seem to adore Katsuko, the Emperor's wife.

So some OC background that I wanted to divulge in for Taisho and Katsuko since I have talked about Kenshin in the past. Taisho was around during the height of the Marleyan Empire and the scorn and ridicule of the Hizuru Empire. His father became corrupt due to his own dealings to try and get rich, instead of valuing the future of Hizuru. Taisho had constantly witnessed uncertainty, death threats, assault, everything. The only friend he had was Kiyomi, since she was already part of the Azumabito clan. Taisho and his father's relationship was terrible, abusive even. Taisho's only desire is just to survive in this ever changing world.

The only time Taisho was willing to risk it all and throw the crown away himself was because of Katsuko. Katsuko was definitely a low ranking member of society, but she is exceptionally brilliant and deeply compassionate to those around her. She fought tooth and nail to try and learn everything she could for a woman of her time and do her best to hold herself to a higher standard despite her status. One thing leads to another, and she and Taisho meet for the first time, and then continue to meet in secret.

And Taisho...feels safe with her. Initially, he thought she was there for an ulterior motive, but Katsuko never abused her knowledge of his identity or tried to take advantage of him like so many others. Taisho falls and he falls hard. People see Katsuko and Taisho together, and they don't like Taisho, but they adore Katsuko because of her kindness throughout the capital. Taisho's father does find out about this and immediately tries to destroy the relationship, but Taisho finds out and immediately threatens him: if he so much as lays a finger on her, he will never see Taisho again.

Taisho's father still tries, but the public love Katsuko, and his partners do see a benefit in gaining public approval. The father still disapproves, tries to make Katsuko's life in the temple a living hell. But Katsuko's been through worse and just keeps her head held high. This only furthers the kingdom's resentment of Taisho's father. Kiyomi ends up finding out about the father's attempt to downright assassinate Katsuko and stages a quiet coup. Using the diplomatic skills she's been training for, she convinces the other council members of the importance of removing the father and putting Taisho on the thrown immediately for the ultimate future of this nation. Most of them agree, since they've noticed his behavior is out of control. One day, Taisho discovers that his father died in his sleep. But Taisho's not stupid. His father was in perfect health and would've lived a long life with all the luxuries he had. Someone caused his death, and he had a gut feeling who.

"Do you resent me for it?" Kiyomi asked him that night.

Taisho crossed his arms and sighed. "You know how my father was. His love was only for money. Not for his country, not for his dead wife, not even me. I don't resent you for it, Kiyomi. You made a call to protect this nation. You'll make a good ambassador."

"I could turn on you, one day," Kiyomi warned, "If you do something that will ultimately destroy our nation."

"...I'm in your debt," Taisho declared, "If you decide I'm unfit to rule, do what you must."

Taisho doesn't shed tears as they bury his father, and he is made the new emperor without any objections. Katsuko asks him if he's alright, and...Taisho admits that he's terrified. He now has all this power, and he's afraid of who he'll become now that he has it. He doesn't want to be like his father. And Katsuko reminds him that he has the power to be whoever he wants to be. Taisho could have bent to his father's will, but never did so. That was more than enough proof that Taisho was better than him. Taisho is moved and downright asks Katsuko to marry her in that moment, if she doesn't hate him or what his father put her through. Katsuko laughs and says yes.

Now back to the main story. Soundwave knows about Katsuko's favoritism among the public, and decides she's the best way to get the army that he wants. So he kidnaps her, and forces Taisho's to give him an army or else she dies. Taisho's in a tight spot, the council and the public are in terror and disarray. Taisho can't let his wife die, but he now realizes that all the odd occurrences happening in other countries are happening because of Soundwave. Soundwave is the one causing them trouble. And Taisho makes a very calculated risk without knowing much about Soundwave. He tells Kiyomi and Kenshin to run and get help while he bent to Soundwave's command. Kiyomi understands the situation, but Kenshin is terrified and angry, lashing out at his father and calling him a coward!

"You're just going to let mom die?!" Kenshin demanded.

"I am buying my time!" Taisho declared in anger, "We don't have many options! That being has been dismantling governments in the shadows! If we are not careful, Hizuru is next!"

"Mom is our best chance at swaying the public-!"

"As long as she is in his clutches, I cannot take that risk and let her die!" Taisho yelled, "I am not going to lose your mother without a fight! You know that we are limited in options! You and Kiyomi getting help is our best chance at survival! So listen to your father for once and go with your aunt!"

"...Dad...I'm scared," Kenshin confessed, tears forming in his eyes.

Taisho felt his lips tremble before placing his hands on his son's cheeks. "My stubborn and prideful child, that is natural. This is not something we prepared for...In the event of my death and the death of the Empress, you will be crowned the next Emperor of Hizuru."

"Don't you fucking say that!" Kenshin yelled.

"You are the pride and the future of this nation," Taisho declared, "And I have never been more proud to call you my own."

Taisho wants to say that he's sorry for not being the best father and letting their relationship get so strained, but there's not enough time. Kiyomi and Kenshin need to go. Father and Son say their emotional goodbyes, and Taisho does his best to wipe his tears as Kiyomi and Kenshin flee to get help.

(More OC centric, but I've been meaning to talk about them.)

[dionnaea]

Revelations | Pieck x Reader

pairing: pieck finger x gn!reader

warnings: cursing, some yelling, ends in fluff 

wc: 1.8k

a/n: sorry that this is a couple days late! midterms wore me out, and i didn’t feel like looking at a word document for a day or two. hope you enjoy it nonetheless! let me know what you think :)

request: Hi can I request a pieck x male reader (or gender neutral if your more comfortable with that) maybe the reader is a scout that was captured after the attack and she is in charge of watching them maybe they slowly warm up to each other after reader reveals the horrors they’ve gone through with the Titans during an argument with pieck and eventually they start a relationship?  

attack on titan masterlist | general masterlist

Yes, you had met some annoying scouts during your training, but you had never met anyone as annoying as the Marleyan soldier that was sent to guard your cells. He spent most of his time either throwing schoolyard insults your way or trying to flirt with every captive. It was ridiculous, and you were getting more than tired of listening to his squeaky, borderline pre-pubescent voice flood the stone-lined hallway. His break times had turned into a safe haven of sorts for you and your comrades, but as the thirty minutes creeped by, you became more and more antsy. 

Today, however, seemed to be different as a woman walked in a little while after the regular guard left. She had walked by all of the cells, taking subtle glances inside each one, before having a seat near your end of the row. In fact, she was a mere five feet away from the bars of your current habitat, and you took the chance to study her. 

The first thing you noticed was the red band clasped securely around her left arm, denoting her Warrior status. It shone like a beacon or a warning, you couldn’t decide which. Still, why would a Warrior be sent to watch over some captured scouts? And where had the other man gone? Not that you minded his absence. The curiosity started to eat away at you, and you figured there was no harm in asking. 

“Hey,” you started. You were taken aback when you realized that she was already looking at you, like she knew exactly what you were going to say. 

“He was moved to another post,” she answered your unspoken question. “I’m here in the interim.” 

“Ah,” you responded. 

Her voice was a bit too soft for your liking; it was unbecoming of a killer, you thought with spite. You didn’t like her being here. A regular, annoying Marleyan soldier was one thing, but a Warrior? It was like a stab straight to every scout’s heart. Your chest started to feel a bit hotter as your anger towards her grew. You hadn’t been there when she delivered the boulders to the Beast Titan to decimate your comrades, but you had heard the tale, a horror story only told late at night. As if she had the right to exist in the same building, on the same continent even as the predecessors of those she had killed. 

You scoffed out loud, and the Warrior turned to face you, furrowing her eyebrows as if she were actually concerned. You glared in response. It was stupid, you thought, that she was allowed to have a face like that, the face of an angel, and still act like a devil. 

The day passed, her sitting idly by while you did your best to play a card game in your head. You tried to picture all of the cards and their suits and numbers, placing them on the imaginary table you had set up on the floor of your cell. It wasn’t going well, you kept losing, as you kept getting distracted by the feeling of the Warrior’s gaze burning into the back of your skull. It was almost as annoying as the squeaks of the original guard, and you felt a sense of pure relief as soon as she left for the night and another guard took her place. 

To your discontent, she returned the next day, too, and the next. By the third day, your blood was boiling. Even though you were always turned away from her, you could feel her eyes on you most of the time. It was pissing you off, and you couldn’t hold back anymore. 

“What the hell?!” You questioned as you whipped around, not surprised to find her dark eyes piercing into yours. Hers were wide in confusion, and that made you even more mad. “What’s so interesting about the back of my head, huh? You busy picturing what it would look like with a bullet in it or something?” It was a harsh statement, you knew, but you also believed she deserved it. 

She shook her head quickly and with so much force that her crutch started to slide from where it was balanced against her chair. She swiftly reached out to catch it, holding onto it with both hands instead of propping it back up. 

“N-no. I just…” She paused, gathering her thoughts. “I just was trying to figure out what you were doing.” 

You scowled. “What I was doing?” You repeated incredulously. “I’m wasting away in a jail cell, that’s what I’m doing!” You stood up in a flash, pressing your body against the bars and grabbing onto them until your knuckles were white. “I’m stuck here because of you, you know!” 

She shook her head again, denying your statement. “No, you’re here because you killed my people.” 

“Well, you killed mine!” You shouted back. Your voice lowered as you spoke again, grief flowing through you. “Thousands, millions even. You slaughtered them all without a thought for their families, and children, and friends. You destroyed our home without regrets, without us doing a damn thing to you, so stop complaining that we destroyed yours.” 

The woman was quiet now, her head bowed and hair covering her face. “I’m sorry,” she whispered, and that pissed you off more. You started to go off again, but she stopped you with her next words. “Tell me. Tell me what we did to you. I want to know everything.” 

When she looked up, there was an honesty and sadness in her eyes that you never would’ve expected to see. It shook you, and for a second, you saw a normal human being rather than a Warrior. Somehow that look calmed you, and you became willing to tell the stories of you and so many others, both dead and alive. 

You learned her name was Pieck, and the two of you talked for hours. You described the horrors of life under the threat of Titans, you told of the atrocities that occurred on the battlefield, you explained to her the loss and grief and overwhelming depression that came with the life every scout and citizen of Paradis was being forced to live. 

And to your stupefaction, she listened to every word quietly, nodding her head to signal that she was taking in the information. She didn’t try to sympathize or compare experiences, she just sat and let you talk, letting herself realize her own sins. Once you were silent, you could tell she understood, at least as much as an outsider could. She didn’t need to apologize for you could see in her face that she had plenty of regrets, and Pieck was well aware that an apology would mean practically nothing. It was atonement that she sought now, and Pieck figured a good place to start would be with you. 

From that day on, you grew closer with the woman. You never shared mindless conversations, but instead always talked of the past and of your experiences. You heard stories of her Warrior training and realized the brainwashing that the Eldians living on Marley had been put under from birth. A part of you was proud to see that Pieck had overcome it in a sense, happy to realize that peace was truly possible if constructive conversations could be had. It was promising, and slowly but surely, talking to Pieck became the highlight of your day, something you looked forward to as she made you forget about your lonely little cell. 

Weeks had passed, and then one night changed everything. 

You were struggling to sleep, the thin sheet you were given was not enough to protect you from the cold and the hard bed was giving you a pounding headache. The only comfort you had was the knowledge that you could see Pieck again in a few hours once the sun came up. The hallway was silent other than the occasional moments when the night watchman got up to use the restroom. He sat on the other end of the hall from you, and you were thankful that he couldn’t see into your cell from where he was stationed. 

The next time he got up, he didn’t come back for quite a while, and you started to wonder if something had happened to him. Were the scouts finally coming to rescue you? Your heart began to pound harder as you heard the door to the hall creak open and keys jingle. You cracked your eyes open to see who was here only to be met with the sight of Pieck standing outside your enclosure, fiddling with the keys before sliding one into your door’s lock. 

You sat up quickly, tossing the sheet off of you and standing to meet her against the bars. Keeping your voice as low as possible, you whispered, “Pieck! What’re you doing?”

She whispered back, pushing your door open and holding out a pile of clothes to you. “Put these on. I want to take you somewhere.” 

You obliged quickly, not questioning the possibility that you could escape somehow. Was she helping you to leave? But how would you get back to Paradis? Options were running through your head at lightspeed as you slipped on the long sleeve shirt and jacket. She guided you down the hallway after you were dressed, careful not to wake anyone or stir suspicion. You barely recognized the building as you walked through it as it had been months since you had last seen anything other than stone walls and metal bars. When Pieck pushed the backdoor open and let you wander back into nature, the breath was stolen from your lungs. 

It was cold outside, but in a different way than your cell. The air was refreshing rather than stale and the wind was pleasant, not a musty draft. You could smell the light scent of flowers in the air, and you wondered exactly where it was coming from, suddenly craving the feeling of petals on your fingertips. Pieck seemed to understand your thoughts as she led you to a small garden on the other side of the pathway. Upon seeing the dainty plants, you rushed over to them, brushing your fingers over the colors and savoring the different textures. 

As you straightened back up, Pieck took your hand gently. You felt a bit embarrassed with how dry yours were, hers as silky smooth as the petals you had just caressed, and you apologized quickly and quietly. Laughing softly, Pieck just tightened her grasp, assuring you there was nothing to worry about by how she pulled you closer. Her being this close was intoxicating, and you felt yourself melt into her, peace washing over you in waves. For some reason, all of this felt new to you, like you were starting over in the world with Pieck, and you were perfectly content to stand here beside her.

It wasn’t until later, when you were back and locked securely into your cell, that you realized you didn’t mind staying a bit longer on Marley as long as Pieck was here, too.

[0aurelion-sol0]

SNK 134: Why we need to move forward.

Well...

That's horrifying...

Oh but whatever they are probably bad people in there. Thieves, greedy people, hateful mothers, men who beat their wives , liars, bullies, killers, murderers, rapist, child rapist and racist babies.

Yeah...

This is a rhetoric that has been used for ages and is currently being used in this fandom especially on reddit and 4chan.

The justification of injustice.

When George Floyd was slammed on the ground and died because he couldn't breathe anymore, conservatives and republicans at large ignored the police brutaliy leading up to that.

He was just a cocaine or drug addict who one day pointed a gun at a pregnant lady. So he was a criminal and deserved that.

Of course ignoring the racial segregation that happened from the very legalized slavery hundreds of years ago and how poor and racially stigmatized black people are being in America right now.

When the Uyghurs are being genocided by China, the world blinds itself because China is one the worlds necessary assets in economy as it basically produces a good chunk of what is being used in the world. Most made by children, " but it makes us live "... Apparently that's the only logical reason...

When Palestinians and Israelis are literally killing each other over some complicated non sense that no one ever really understands and also Israël basically doing Apartheid at this point,

When the totality of the Middle East has turned into a warzone because of the United States's violent imperialism,

When most far right or extremist group decided that Islam and Islamic terrorism are the same thing,

When xenophobes and racist always attack immigration,

"If she wasn't wearing that skirt, she probably wouldn't have been raped",

When we have homophobes, transphobes, LGBTphobes, telling us what's natural and always bragging about "\___-_-___/ God, Holy Jesus",

When you have people who tells you that poor people chose their way of living when there are a small percent of billionaires and soon to be trillionaires having such a gigantic amount of wealth,

When 6 millions Jews were genocided which was 40% of Jewish people at the time and 2/3 of European Jews,

When the prime minister of Israël is saying that the Holocaust wasn't Hitler's Idea but Haj Amin al-Husseini, (who was extremely anti semitic, don't get me wrong)who suggested it to him maiking the prime minister a revisionist but at the same time making his actions against Palestinians justified,

When around the world Christianic places of worship are being vandalized,

When entire SYSTEMS of segregations have made societies work,

When the South American continent has been attacked by the United States because of different political beliefs,

When people use their rape as a way to attack other communities of a specific religion or color,

When Black Panthers uses racism against White people because of the story of USA and are being anti semitic but essentializing a whole group,

When Nationalistic Israelis tells you what is a good Jew and what isn't a good Jew,

When dozens of groups have been forced to extinction,

Natives who were being murdered, yeah? YOU DON'T SEE THAT A LOT IN YOUR COWBOY MOVIES ?

When literal "feminist" calls for the destruction of men while they can't educate the kids about what to do and what not to do, OH, can also be transphobic apparently,

When you have entire websites who encourages pedophilia,

And pedophiles killed, left alone and live a life of endless torment while no one does nothing to help them and fight those who encourages it even in the highest places of our society,

Oh and Hollywood, that's all I need to say.

And let's not even talk about animal brutality and the destruction of ecosystems.

And there is more and more and more and more and more and FUCKING MORE,

All that because of reasons, reasons, reasons, reasons,

All stuck in a cycle of hate, violence and discrimination that just never ends.

The selfishness,

The greed,

And at end, everything is meaningless. There is just blood.

This is what this chapter represent the meaningless of it all. How everything goes to shit...

How everyone, whether it's the oppresor or the oppresed, will justify the violence, the injustice.

Society does nothing cause society right now runs for the entitled and the entitled only and creates it's own monsters.

I want to ask those people who defend the rumbling.

After everything we saw in this manga, after what the real world has commited, after how much these real events have inspired this story, how can you say it was the only way ?

After everyone hided Hange valuable informations including Eren who had information about KRUGER who was a spy in MARLEY. Who has created a civil war in Eldia and activated the rumbling while killing Eldian civilians in the way.

After seeing the mental breakdown of Bertolt, who we don't hear about anymore, Annie and Reiner's mental breakdown over GENOCIDING AN ENTIRE GROUP OF PEOPLE, by the way Reiner totally didn't develop another persona at that time to cope with what he was doing, HUH ?

After all the deaths, Carla, Grisha, Dina, Faye Marco, Levi's squad, Ymir, Erwin, Sasha, Hange, Hannes, Floch and many others, how can you go and be like "CHAD EREN, BEING DADDY, FUCKING HIS MEAT WAIFU, PHILOSOPHER FREEDOM SEEKER"

"104th crybabies... xDdDDDD Prfrpfr"

Come on...

This isn't serious at this point.

And for the H character, we're gonna come back for her but...

GODDAMNIT!

THANK YOU, DEATH.

This has sparked debates.

Some are thankful for this speech by the commander.

Others are finding it disingenous.

Others think it's too on the nose and not natural.

Others don't care.

On my part, I enjoy it but I take it with the context. Most of their airships have been destroyed and they are facing their doom upfront right now. It's more of a death plea at this point. Just like in the cave with Histor... GOD IT'S SO HARD SAYING HER NAME... with Historia who said truly horrible things at the point of an imminent death. At that moment, words like this can tell what you really are inside but even that is not enough to have a full picture.

It did have some interesting elements.

It is true, using, raising, breeding hate and shoving problems upon a group will always come bite you up the ass someday.

Marley in their extensive and violent coloniaslistic, imperialiatic behavior towards Eldia creates only weaknesses for them on an international field and create this monstruosity that is right now Eren.

Eren, a soldier who suffer from trauma and PTSD, who has terrible insecurities and everything to lose after losing so much and possibly in my book being influenced by another entity decides to kill them all.

But...

In no way does that justify Eren's actions, in fact it goes against it.

He is just as angry and hateful as they were back then but instead of destroying the system, he decides to genocide.

Essentializing the whole world as your ennemy and problem, and deciding to get rid of it is just continuing what has been started and continued for hundreds of years before.

No one ever thinks about the simple families, the innocent children, the homeless...

What about them Eren ?

What about the people who faced discrimination like Ramzi ?

What about the other groups that are almost extinct just like yours ?

What about the groups that tried to support the Eldians but were considered freaks ? HUH ?

What about the babies and innocent children ?

Isayama is even spelling it out for you this chapter.

Is he not worth it ? To stop all this ?

He was born into this world just like every other baby.

Look at that while everyone, is trying to jump off, their trying to save the baby. Even if it's probably impossible. That's humanity right there.

And... jesus christ...

I literally saw people who said that the mother was dumb to give it to the people because titans were behind them.

I can't even...

Imagine if Eren is the daddy of H's Baby and that he completes the genocide, killing his friends or even persuading them and at the end he is saying you are free to this baby.

So this baby is worth more than this baby ?

He is more legitimate to live than him.

I can't even imagine what the arguments would be like with the Eren stans:

"He's protecting his friends."

While literally challenging them to fight and right now trying to kill them.

"Well, you know the Rumbling is horrible but they got what was coming for them. They did nothing to help Paradise."

While forgetting the complexity of human nature, how banalization of these acts of violence have come to be BECAUSE...

These just like me and you are just simple people. With simple lives and not too much power who can't do anything about it.

Most of the people today sees all the suffering in the world, they just don't have the power, nor the will to go against such complex geo-political conflicts.

Would you be able to just resolve the Israelo-Palestinian conflict ? I don't think so, so shut your ass down with this argument.

These people can't change the world with power that they have and the one that has the power to change that, is killing them right now. BRAVO.

" Well, uh, the child is a child, parents might be racist and uh... child maybe is racist or will become racist..."

God...

Just because someone has done horrible shits or is an horrible shit doesn't mean he should die like this.

Here it is people, how we work as human :

Fuck redemption and possible solutions, let's kill everyone who did something bad.

Y'all would have been perfect during monarchies time.

And like... having an argument on a baby should face genocide is just fucking disgusting.

AND DON'T GIVE ME THE BULLCRAP OF FICTION DOESN'T EQUAL REALITY!

That you are interested into what could bring the Rumbling in terms of thematics and story is fine.

BUT ENDORSING IT ?

Do y'all even hear yourselves sometimes ?

You just sound like every racist, bigoted, fascist and violent person that has ever existed.

You're just excited to see someone die because he commited something wrong, sadistic pricks.

You're no different. Perhaps the guy who was talking to Grisha in chapter 97, who was a Marleyan and gave serums to Eldian is right. When he was talking to Grisha, Isayama use it to break the fourth wall and talk to the readers.

Why do we watch this, all this violence ?

" Because it's fun!"

" People take peace for granted!"

" Of course we're abnormal in society's eyes."

" We wish to exterminate all eldians!"

" Your sister did nothing wrong. Shame she was an Eldian!"

The fun fact is that this guy is a racist fuck but he dies pushed by Kruger and killed by his very own creation: a titan.

Why do people endorse genocide ?

" Because it's justice!"

" They got what was coming for them!"

" Isayama is just showing us that genocide is not really wrong if you just understand the concept of morals. Puritans."

" Humanity can die, they deserve it!"

" I'm sad for Ramzi, he didn't do nothing wrong but you know... maybe he didn't have good ideas about Eldians."

While also saying why children could deserve genocide. \____@-@____/

Of course I found most of these on Reddit and 4chan, the nazi propaganda website. Tumblr is a little free of it.

Babies....

Literally babies...

That remind me of somethin'...

OH YEAH!

QUEER NO MORE.

*put gloves on*

PUUUUUUUSSHH!!! COOOOOOOMMEEE OOONN!!!!

Breathe...

I SEEEEE THE HEAAADDD, IT'S HEREEEEEE!!!!

Natalie, bring the bucket, quick!

Of fuck she shitted on herself a little bit!

_________________________________________

So ?

Y'all like my fanfic ?

It's about how Erehisu is canon and how Historia is actually thinking about Eren right now because she is blushing.

But also about how Historia actually looks good and sexy while being pregnant and how she looks so happy!

She also is a lesbian that turned straight.

I'm so proud of my work.

_________________________________________

In all honesty...

This is... dissapointing and an insult to Historia fans. Why ? What is the purpose or the reason ? Being tragic ? To show how far Historia can go to protect her loved ones ? A female Eren so ?

I always leaned towards the fake pregnancy even if I don't know how something like that could be really pulled. I didn't understand this choice for his storytelling. The others I understand but this one...

O_o

What the fuck ?

So she really is pregnant ? But nothing leading up to it makes sense.

The character whose thematics still rings too much true for this arc is put in the background and as a breeding farm on top of that.

It even came to a point I started people to stop asking about her.

I had faith in her presence in the final arc. That she would have a role play.

But now ?

/\/\/\

For people who don't understand why this aspect of story is wrong, we have to break it down.

First off, Historia one of the first queer characters with Ymir in SNK. Others are suspected but these two are the few that holds a definitive representation as queer.

Most often in media or in real life, LGBT people have been forced into a situation that requires them to fall under heterosexuals lives. Here Historia is forced to be pregnant, yes in a way she agreed because of her people, but at the same time she didn't really want it.

For queer people, like me, this still rings true. Too much true. People literally forces you to go for your opposite sex everytime, to have a family.

No, stop forcing your view of your own life or desire of life on other people.

The fact that the fandom rationalizes that and says that she is happy and in love with Eren is just so fucking weird.

It either is blind ship following, heteronormativity or not understanding the story.

And I saw people saying she might be bisexual. This doesn't change anything. Also ignoring the fact that she hasn't shown any attraction to men other than women in the story.

If she is bisexual, it doesn't change anything, she is still queer. Not semi-straight AND EVEN IF SHE WAS A WOMAN WHO HAPPENED TO BE STRAIGHT, SHE IS STILL FORCED INTO SOMETHING SHE DID NOT WANT.

Bisexual is not semi-straight, semi-gay.

It's bisexual.

Bisexual, Straight and Homosexuality are not the same thing.

And if she was straight, that doesn't make it acceptable. It's just sick.

Just because you're a straight woman doesn't mean you are going to be more happy or have god like duty to have kids.

I just don't understand it...

A manga who was so progressive with his female characters reduces Historia to this.

Imagine...

Just imagine...

Eren is the father. I would shoot myself in the face. A forced straight relationship at the end for the pleasure of shonen readers and heteronormative readers.

" What if I have baby, Eren ?"

" Only if it is from me. I want him to live and have FREEDOM!"

" It's open bar, honey." *saying this after hearing the guy says he's going to genocide which goes against her own values and actions as queen*

Ew... Just ew...

And even worse she wasn't supposed to give birth right now, she was supposed to give birth in a few months.

She could DIE. SHE IS 19. This is dangerous.

Everyone is like this is normal.

THIS IS NOT NORMAL. *sigh*

This goes against what she is supposed to have as a character development.

The fact that she would be okay for genocide while as a queen she reached out to the most weak and in need is fucking incoherent.

No. This doesn't make sense. Even Eren said that Historia's action as a queen were to help others. How could she be okay sitting at her house ? Telling no one about what Eren was going to do ? And becoming a breeding farm ? What is the logic in that ?

Why make it suspicious than ?

The only thing that was able to make any logical sense to me was that the person we are seeing here isn't Historia.

I know if my theory is right, it's sick, even more sick.

The only times we saw Historia after the timeskip was during flashbacks, the reveal at 107 and possibly at the end of 123.

If this is her at the end of 123, I want to ask you why is she all prepared, why is she all dressed up and why is she wearing the same clothes in 134 that she is wearing 107. Something doesn't add up.

She is young, small-petite, blonde and her belly and face are hidden.

I was only able to go through the theory that this is a fake Historia. Than who it is than ?

Well, I searched for female characters who look like her or who could look like Historia right now. From all the characters that we haven't seen coming coming back and that has interacted with Historia, there is only one.

Rico Brzenska.

For those, who don't remember her : She was a Garrison Member who helped Mikasa and Eren during the Trost Arc and also helped Historia while she was exhausted during the Clash of the Titans Arc.

She hasn't appeared ever since the start of the Return to Shiganshina Arc unlike many of the older characters.

She is the only one I see who could pass as Historia I think.

I know this is still sick. But this is the only way I would be able to make Historia get out of this crappy storyline and play some relevance in the story. And if we look at Rico and Historia in 107, they kinda look the same. They have the heart shaped face, they are both small and they both have this sort of closed eyelids.

One line that just stuck with me of Rico was:

"Hiding/Lying about Eren's rampage in the report wouldn't have benefited humanity. "

This was during Eren's trial before joining the Survey Corps. What was discused was when Eren lost control of himself during the Trost Arc and attacked Mikasa.

The second line that struck was the one where she holds Historia who is exhausted in her arms:

"Wow! Who is this girl, is she okay ?"

I don't know why it just pushed that theory. And I kinda believe it now, because no one can make me believe that there is something satisfying coming out of this. Why would she sacrifice herself for Historia ? Well, I don't really know but Rico was always a little wary of Eren, even after the Trost Arc but yeah ultimately for Rico being able to give her own life for Historia. I don't know about that. But with this manga you never now. It is a very dark and twisted theory but this is the only logical thing I can see right now since no answers have been provided.

Monkey is BACK

Zeke is back and like most of us predicted, Eren dragged him with him. And I'm not gonna lie, the way he was attached to the spine was pretty badass.

He is used as a puppet which reinforces the theory for me that all three of them: Eren, Ymir and Zeke are being used by the Attack Titan.

I cannot understand Eren's illogical behavior especially after seeing the train scene where he says he wants them to live long happy lives and than having him kill his friends.

Ymir the first being free and having eyes to returning to having no eyes just like before and Eren.

And Zeke would have never agreed to the Rumbling. And we can't see his eyes either.

And...

Thank you, 104th for existing.

Because...

After how much shit they have gone through and after how much the fandom, not just the Eren stans, have mocked them. Like the fandom has been the biggest asshole to the the Alliance while they were the ones who were able to survive through the sentence " Genocide is wrong!" that so many people seems to find to be so hard to say.

I will root for them until the bitter end, I don't care. They are the one who are fighting. You can call Cringevengers all you want but I am glad they are winning.

They all suffered like Eren but they didn't prioritize their own and only feelings above everything else and they stood by for the values they fought for since they joined the Survey Corps. Even if I have to admit they have, for most of them, conflicted feelings with what they were doing and have done things like trying to talk to Eren while it's obvious he wasn't going to talk and that in a situation like this I don't think someone would try to stop Eren by just talking.

Levi, and it would be foolish to not recognize it, is being consumed by his promise but he is restraining it and still is able to think about the bigger picture.

There's one thing I really like about this is Armin asking Eren:

"Eren... I'll ask you one last time... "What part of you is free" after we rip you out from there... "

Hehe... yes... what part of you is free ?

To be honest, there's many things I don't want for the ending.

A Lelouch Ending, it was all Eren's plan. Literally wouldn't make sense. No one would be questionning his free will and he wouldn't have these weird shits happening to him.

A Code Geass ending, why would Mikasa have to kill Eren, what does that add to her as a character ? More tragedy ? No she doesn't have the scarf, it's pretty telling what place she's at right now.

Eren being the daddy. NO, JUST NO.

Everyone dies, genocide is the right thing. You know all the worst shit that can happen.

But most of all I want important plot points to be explored and moved over because ever since the timeskip, there has been no important plot points out the way. Eren's behavior, Ackertalk, Bertolttalk, Historia's Condition, Paths stuffs, answers!

Whatever... Trust me Peace is not something I take for granted. Being proud of myself and having a life with the least conflict and problem is something you fight for. Having rights, being recognized as a human.

Never lose that, fight for it. But never with injustice, be smarter and stronger. Cause at the end what unites us is not only what we have in common but what the perspective of what we have not in common can make a bigger picture of what we are as humans. We all are different and have a different story with similarities but in the end, we are human and born into this world. And in that, we must move forward. In the present, because of the past and for the future.

We all wish for the problems to go away but if it's for the solutions to be rigged with injustice, it will not work. No one has acheived with genocide and never will.

It's kinda sad that this long of a post has to say this. Did y'all see that ? Pretty inspiring what I wrote. Oh well you know what ? If they can be bigoted why can't I myself.

Here's a song I wrote:

(Fuck everyone and you.

We hate women

There are only 2 genders, the breeder and the breeded.

Everything is degenerate.

We hate brown, Arab and Muslim people.

Genocide is cool

And Hitler was too.)

I know but you know what, at least if they want a spy for Nazi Germany someday. They'll know not to give it to me because I'd laugh at the stupidity of the people just like you and I are doing with the rest of world cause for all the shits it gives us, it's entertaining.

[amachja-moved]

(Sasha & prejudice - Dauper) - the last FilmBuff video on AoT made me re-read chapter 36 of the manga; and notice that even though we know 12/13-yo Sasha is fully aware of the prejudice people have against her village and way of life, we’re not told how she came to that conclusion. Most likely her parents and other villagers told her (it would be insane for parents to not inform their children that they might grow up to face discrimination), but Arthur and Lisa Braus, the epitomes of kindness and tolerance, telling Sasha ‘other people think we’re savages/idiots (depending on translations)’ and letting her build up that anger and frustration without doing anything to correct it until her father drives her out of the village? Seems rather unlikely. This is now going into full-blown headcanon territory, but here we go!

I think it is rather unlikely that Sasha truly never left her forest before joining the Cadet Corps - rather, she probably went on short day trips to nearby villages with her father when they would go and trade goods with neighbouring communities around Ehrmich District. It would have been very occasional, quite rare, but Artur would have wanted his daughter to get a glimpse of the outside world - nobody can spend their whole life completely secluded, and trade is part of their survival strategy, so it would make sense to take her along for a few trips as a learning experience. 

When Artur suggests leaving the forest to help other people, Sasha’s reaction is one of anger, resentment, and hurt. I don’t think that this is a reaction she would have had if the prejudice faced by the hunters of her village had been something she only ever heard of, like an abstract concept, the consequences of which she would never have witnessed. I find it much more likely that upon one of those trips, or several, little baby Sasha was exposed to this prejudice - in the forms of derogatory comments, possibly insults, etc. The people in Dauper live very differently from the nearby villages, follow ancient traditions, insist on living in difficult conditions - prime material for, as Sasha puts it, being looked down on.

In its worst aspects, the prejudice and misconceptions people may have about the Dauper villagers really are that they are savages. Unfit for life in society, idiots, simple-minded, uneducated, primitive people who live in the wilderness, among themselves, with none of the comforts of ‘modern’ life. Sasha never saw anything wrong with the way her people lived, until, probably, she was exposed to people from outside the forest - other children, trade partners, travellers her father guided through the forest... Hell, maybe the people in Dauper are even used to seeing the occasional drunkard or young dumbass wandering into their forest, intruding on their land to sabotage some traps, or yell profanities at them. 

This discrimination doesn’t escalate to the horrors the Ackerman or the Eastern clan have endured, but it is constant, consistent, and it only makes sense that Sasha would have been deeply affected by this ordinary discrimination at a very young age; leading to the extremely defensive behaviour we see her display in her flashback, and her instantly going into panic mode when confronted about her accent or mannerisms. And leading, of course, to her natural instinct of trying to hide everything that could be used against her, like her accent and speech, which are the two things she can truly identify as incriminating. Having never been with people outside of the village for more than a few hours before joining the Cadet Corps, she wouldn’t have known what behaviours would be considered ‘normal’ and what would classify her as ‘the savage’. Hence her not realising right away that eating a potato in the middle of roll call, albeit a practical decision (it was still hot and would have been wasted otherwise), is not something acceptable in the army, and hence reacting strongly to Jean calling her potato girl twice - the nickname being a reminder of her failure to fit in. Although, I want to think that, over time, she came to embrace the nickname, as only her friends use it, and that it became an affectionate reminder of how far she’s come, and that they love her and her ‘eccentricities’   🥺

(yes I’m totally reading too much into the potato girl thing leave me be)

I’m fairly certain that, intentionally or not, when pushing her buttons, Ymir also used some of the exact words Sasha would have heard growing up thank god Historia stopped her right there before she could go any further on the parents subject. Poor girl looks like she’s bracing herself for the verbal abuse, ‘oh man, here we go again’ style  🥺

Long story short, I’m sure Sasha knows what it’s like to be looked down on, first hand, to be mocked and prejudiced against, and would have been in an excellent position to understand how desperately Gabi needed to correspond to a certain ideal, if it was the only way of avoiding such treatment in the future - for her and her family, and all the Eldians on the continent. 

And bless her family and friends for enabling her to grow past those experiences, into an open-minded, benevolent young woman, willing to put her life on the line to save complete strangers, as herself, a hunter from Dauper  >:)

[ghostmartyr]

SnK 129 Thoughts

This month: More people screaming and dying.

Next month: Probably more people screaming and dying.

Eventually: Just a whole heck of a lot of screaming.

(Not dying because there will be no more people.

They will be dead.)

Sooooooooooooooo.

Uh.

This chapter has people screaming and dying in it.

As well as the continuing strangeness of actively rooting for Reiner and Annie.

Ayep.

Ding-dong, Magath is dead?

Yet again, we land on the problem of a chapter that is largely self-explanatory, and the perhaps deeper problem of people committing themselves to doing a thing once a month, even if they’re not sure they’re able to do said thing. There’s good stuff here, I’m just hesitant to start talking about it lest it comes out like a random spew of instantly forgettable bullet points.

Since I don’t care, I guess we’ll start with Magath dying.

I don’t care. Moving on!

Theo Magath is a man who has always cared for the children under his command. Even though they’re Eldian, he has routinely gone above the expected amount of effort in securing their safety. He is the one who worries and waits for Reiner, Annie, Bertolt, and Marcel to come home. He is the one who destroys the worst of the military he’s a part of so they can stop depending on titans. He cares.

What a fucking bastard.

Keith Shadis dies with him. After a life of trying to make himself special, putting lives at risk every step of the way, he finds an appropriate time to make his exit. He’s the one who raises every fighter out in the port. He’s the one who has watched as the other instructors kill them so that they can find the ones strong enough to make the cut.

He’s the one who picks Eren up and brings him back to his bed after he inherits his father’s burden.

One thing I do think is important to note, whenever I’m inspired to say, ‘Fuck Marley,’ is that Paradis is not great.

Paradis has child soldiers too. They’re just slightly older.

Paradis fully expects their soldiers to go out and die too. Their consent just skates through needing air quotes.

Paradis has a corrupt government run by self-interest -- until they have a coup.

Magath’s job, his entire career, has been to make the most of the enslaved Eldian lives he’s been handed on a platter. It is his job to train children up to murder people. If they are not good enough at murder, they will be fed to other children.

Shadis feels more comfortable. He’s been a reasonable authority figure for most of the manga, with his worst crimes being in his past, and even that reveal coming with a greater show of humanity than any other displayed that night. He tries to run Eren out of the military before he destroys himself. He worries for the boy, and gives a voice to the struggle of trying to be special when you’re most gifted at fucking up.

Paradis’ military, at the start of the main plot, gets its recruits via shaming teenagers into being willing to die, or starving teenagers into being willing to die.

The primary difference between it and Marley’s system is that in that section of the totem pole, the oppression level is relatively neutral. The wall systems are kind of fucked, the nobility is kind of awful -- but like. Their last genocide was what, two years ago? And it was killing poor people, not people people.

Everyone in Paradis’ military has to deal with the fact that they’re in a shrinking safe space and they’re either going to starve, or monsters are going to eat them. That is the great equalizing force. If their commanding officer fucks up, he is going to get eaten. If the person next to them fucks up, they are going to get eaten.

They are not crouching down, approaching tiny children, and explaining that it is for the good of humanity that they are the ones eaten because their blood is dirty. Anymore.

Fuck Marley. Fuck its internment camps, fuck its slavery, fuck its brainwashing, fuck how it turned Good Eldians and Bad Eldians into war rhetoric. Fuck just about everything it has to offer.

Paradis is fucked up in the spirit of everyone there being equally fucked (unless you’re rich) (or nobility). Marley is fucked up because it’s made being fascist, warmongering assholes a national policy.

So you have two men on a boat waiting to die. They’ve both sent children to their deaths. They’ve both pushed over the lines trying to let their uniqueness carry change instead of doing the difficult legwork it actually takes.

One of them is not an active agent of genocide.

One of them is.

They both have sad feelings.

It is sad.

The important part is however badly they fucked up, the traumatized children they’re leaving behind are about to be more traumatized, and they’ve realized what a bad thing this is.

Only not really because Keith did his job, did his first job badly enough to find a new job, did that new job, and has continued doing that new job up to the point where he’s blowing himself up, and has no particular qualms about any of that since he’s pretty much been acting his conscience the whole time.

I’m lingering on this because you have both people who trained up our primary cast making a choice for the good of humanity, and dying the same way. It is a clear and obvious parallel, and it is being milked.

But it’s one of those parallels that makes me twitchy the longer I look at it. Probably because of that conscience part. These men play the same role, but besides their stages having massive differences, their choices do as well.

Magath’s conscience doesn’t stop him from shouting racist rhetoric at a preteen on a battlefield. In his introductory scene.

Shadis’ conscience, however warped some of the intent is, leads to him quitting and passing his job up to someone more qualified.

...Essentially, Shadis is kind of a bastard for a lot of things, but Magath is a fascist bastard, and continues to be a fascist bastard even when he takes steps to overthrow a fascist regime, and I know and appreciate that Magath realizes this and feels bad about it, but it’s hard not to resent the manga comparing Shadis and Magath so strongly.

Magath’s fucked up a lot. It’s good he admits it.

Shadis feels like one more person who sees death as all he has to offer the world.

In a series that actively opposes that line of thought whenever it comes up, it’s really difficult not to find the whole dynamic frustrating. Yes, the manga doesn’t say these two people are the same. They’re just in the exact same boat making the exact same decision.

Like that other group over in their boat.

Shadis is looking to die. Magath is looking to make a last stand.

I don’t think I’m doing a great job of putting into words why it’s so aggravating for me, except, you know. Fuck Marley. Also Magath helped cause all of this. Keith’s sort of sat around feeling various forms of guilt for years over things he screwed up because he was trying so hard.

Shadis forfeits his life.

Every other time someone with that mindset is ready to die, it’s met with no, you’re not done yet.

Shadis doesn’t get that. He’s done. Magath is the only one there to tell him otherwise, and Magath has his own problems.

There’s a vibe here that these two old teachers have outlived their purpose. Their kids are grown, for better and worse, and they’re the ones who will control the turn of the future. I don’t oppose them making that decision, but in Shadis’ case, it really comes off as him being cool with whatever, now that he’s made his stand.

Ugh. I don’t like it, but articulating why is probably best represented by me sulking and crossing my arms. Artistically, I get it. They’re the same piece on opposite ends of a chessboard.

But they’re different people and aaaargh.

Anyway, we continue the proud tradition of making Gabi cry.

Sorry about your life, Gabi.

In other news, we continue to not have any way to stop Eren.

Like.

At all.

We have an estimate of four days before Eren succeeds in wiping out a continent.

Their only chance of stopping that is powering up an airship, using some of that good ol’ talk-no-jutsu, or killing Eren.

If they take the route of killing Eren, all of the Colossals he’s been ordering on their walk will stop being under his command. Because he will be dead. Meaning that the continent, as well as our heroes, will now have to contend with a wild hoard of Colossal Titans out for a stroll.

Which is bad.

It’s basically where Paradis started out, but worse in every possible way.

Even if they manage to have someone on their team eat Eren, there’s a good chance that OG Ymir might not react well to her savior being axed. There’s a similarly good chance that the ability to use the Founder’s power just won’t be functional.

So if they kill Eren, they will stop having intentional destruction.

Instead, we will have unintentional destruction, of which there will be a lot.

Leaving us with talk-no-jutsu.

When the last attempt at talk-no-jutsu led to Armin punching Eren and being bad at it. And Eren punching Armin and being less bad at it.

Basically, everyone’s really hoping that by communicating with Eren, they can somehow make this all go away. There is no evidence that this will work, and no evidence that any of the added backup plans will do anything but cause different problems, but by golly, they’ve completed step .5 of their 3-step plan to maybe changing their circumstances.

(Step 1: Get Air Boat Step 2: Fly Air Boat To Eren Step 3: Talk Eren Out Of Genocide)

BOY I SURE AM HAPPY FOR YOU GUYS PUTTERING ALONG WITH THAT FORWARD PROGRESS. WHAT CHAMPS. GOOD FOR YOU.

YOU’RE STILL FUCKED.

I AM SO HAPPY THAT WE ARE SPENDING ALL THIS TIME ON A PLAN THAT DOES NOT SOLVE THE FUNDAMENTAL PROBLEM OF HOW COMPLETELY FUCKED YOU ALL ARE.

IT IS NICE THAT YOU ALL FEEL LIKE YOU ARE CONTRIBUTING USEFUL THINGS TO YOUR SOCIETY. YOU DO YOU.

YOU ARE NOT ACTUALLY HELPING.

BUT MORE OF YOUR FRIENDS ARE DEAD FOR A GOOD CAUSE.

I’m not upset, I would just really like all of this to feel meaningful. Right now there’s a ridiculous amount of stress and dead bodies going into a goal that could easily end up pointless.

There’s merit to that as a story, but none of that stress lands properly, because the tension of “will they save the day or won’t they” isn’t dependent on what they’re doing here. The ticking clock might be making the characters stressed, but it’s not where the consequences lie.

I will continue to complain about this every month because I can.

In more positive news, Connie is best boi and no one appreciates him they way that they should.

Once upon a time, Reiner bullied Annie into taking a more active role in murdering Marco.

One of the arguments he used to provoke her was that she saved Connie’s life.

Not long after that, Reiner and some other recruits find themselves stranded in Utgard Castle, where a titan gets in and goes after Connie. Reiner charges in, gets his arm chomped on, and through everyone’s combined efforts, the titan gets shoved out a window.

Annie and Reiner both make the choice to save Connie’s life, even though it does nothing to benefit them.

In this chapter, beheaded and missing their arms, Connie swoops in and saves both of them.

The first taste of this technically goes to Mikasa, because she can’t help being a hero. She doesn’t like Annie. Annie is about the only human being whose existence can make her lose her temper. When a soldier gets behind Annie, Mikasa is there to back her up. It’s done casually and smoothly, because Mikasa’s just that good.

We’re still left with multiple shots of Annie staring at Mikasa.

Later followed with her staring at Reiner.

Annie and Reiner are used to being the traitors. They’re the ones their friends have every reason to hate. They’re the ones who spend years living with the victims of a war they brought to their shores. They’ve never expected forgiveness. They’re condemned, and almost welcome it.

Their trio interplay is never great. Reiner is trying too hard, and shielding Bertolt. Annie gets stuck with the grunt work, and knows they’re the bad guys. They don’t get along. They’re comrades, and allies, but their friendship is never portrayed as anything but their last lifeline.

Reiner and Bertolt are friends.

Annie’s the only one who has her fight with the Survey Corps alone.

This time, Reiner’s there, and he’s protecting her.

If you dig into any combination of these relationships, there’s not exactly a shortage of rot. They’ve all hurt each other, and they all know it.

But at the end of the day, they’re all just a bunch of damaged kids looking to be found.

None of the surviving cast is without a shoulder to lean on. They’ve made the decision to be there for each other, and as bleak as circumstances are, Annie’s face spends so much time this chapter shouting that she’s never been able to have that.

Even Magath, who goes off with the intent of dying alone, doesn’t.

There’s still some human warmth left in the world, and that’s what they’re trying to protect.

Please just do it with an actual plan, I’m begging you guys.

Also, Floch gets shot! So that’s nice.

I do not see a corpse.

That is less nice.

Isayama also gave Falco a fucking birdsona titan.

We’re not without things to cheer.

Tune in next month for more screaming and dead bodies.