#the one thing keeping me sane past few months

[rilgar]

It's hard rn for me. ... i guess. Trying not to think it's the loneliness....but maybe it is.

How i bend over backwards to help others, provide.... receive zero effort in return.

It's rough. Personal things happening rn too which... i hope don't turn bad. Idk.

I just wish someone could hold me rn. Tell me it's gonna be okay.

Instead of asking me for money. Asking me to do things... and then just waste my time.

It's rough. It's like I'm in no mood for anyone rn.

[marigraphia]

I have nothing to post so here's some doodles of my guy Ricardo Alface from Big Brother Brasil 23

[eleganzadellarosa]

Can’t Do It Like Me

pairing: jealous ex!choi san x fem!reader

genre: Smut (you already know)

warnings: MDNI (rough sex, jealous sex, cheating (don’t condone it but it fits the plot), choking, manhandling, slight spit play, oral (m and f receiving), mirror sex, unprotected sex (don’t be silly, wrap your willy), squirting, daddy kink, degradation, honestly some toxic shit happens)

word count: 4.1K+

A/N: As soon as I think of it, I come straight to Tumblr. Also San if you see this, I’m sorry 😔 Anyways, enjoy and thanks for reading :)

Every year like clockwork you had to be reminded of a past relationship that could’ve been something special. The notification popping up on your phone “Remember this day?” Yes. You did remember and you wish you could forget but you also couldn’t find the strength to delete the pictures.

Choi San. The man you described as “husband material” at some point in time, only to recall the many moments of toxicity that lead to the breakup. From the distrust to watching your location like a movie, he was possessive and sometimes even that was an understatement. He made sure everyone knew you were his and almost got into a few fights over it.

Eventually, you opened your eyes to how you always excused his behavior and finally put your foot down. You deserved a healthy relationship with a person who strives for the same thing. You were glad San wasn’t in your life anymore, he made it too stressful.

But at the same time, you missed him. Sometimes at night when your hands were between your legs, you'd think about him. You loved your current boyfriend, he was just what you were looking for. But with the recent growing distance in your relationship, maybe all good things in your life were destined to come to an end. He was always away for work, only coming home to see you maybe once every two months or so. A year into the relationship is when things started to change and now that it’s going on two years, you constantly felt alone and your vibrator wasn’t strong enough to keep you sane.

Your phone was ringing; a facetime call.

“Omg hey babe, to what do I owe this spontaneous phone call?”

He chuckled before answering, “Hey baby, I’m just calling to ask you a quick question.” He proceeded when you nodded your head. “Are you busy this weekend? The company’s having a joint event with another company and I may need a plus one.” The tone of his voice inflected upwards as he neared the end of his sentence.

Your heart jumped with excitement. Of course it wasn't a logical comparison to how much he loved you, but you felt the need to be paraded around; labeled as "his girlfriend". You haven't been feeling special recently, so a public event would hopefully be the perfect remedy.

“Oh my gosh babe of course I'm not busy! I’ll go choose my outfit right now!” He let out a hearty laugh on the other end when you squealed, jumping off the bed, leaving him to listen to you rustle around in your closet.

You quickly retrieve your phone when you remember and say your “I love yous” and goodbyes before hanging up. Saturday was only two days away so you’d need to put together the perfect outfit within that time frame. Luckily for you, you owned the perfect dress in his favorite color and your only goal was to make him want to completely ruin you wherever he pleases.

It was disappointing to say the least. Everything about this ride felt expensive. The limo itself, the sparking Swarovski detailing on the interior, the bottles of champagne. You felt wined and dined, but the thing you craved the most was missing. He seemed distant in a way. Maybe it was his body language; sitting with his legs turned away from you, dazing into the space behind you as you spoke. Or perhaps, it was the way his hand gripped his phone and peeked at it every time it'd buzz with a notification.

"Maybe he's always been like this" you tell yourself, blaming it on having not been around each other in a while. The thought of the both of you drifting away, tearing at the seams, was saddening. But you definitely weren't the one to blame and neither was he; maybe his determination and drive. As much as you wanted to be here with him right now, your mind kept drifting to San. He would be giving you his undivided attention. A hand or your knee, or knowing San, a seat in his lap. But enough about him, he was too toxic of a person for you to only recall his good traits.

buzz buzz

You looked at your boyfriend from a peripheral view, a bright smile across his face. It made your stomach churn, it just didn't sit right with you.

"Oh who's that?" you ask, leaning over toward him slightly.

He quickly shut it off and put it in his pocket. "Sorry babe, I was just answering a few texts from the guys. We have this group chat with all of us just so we can talk shit about my boss."

"Oh is he an asshole or something?"

"Yes but enough about my job baby, I wanna hear more about you. I missed you so much." He cupped your chin in his hand and planted a kiss on your lips.

You felt bad for thinking so ill of him when nothing was going on. Maybe that was something you never let go of with your relationship with San. He taught you what real anxiety was and you could never forgive him for that. The limo came to a stop and you peeked out the window to your right to see the destination. You felt like a movie star as you gazed at the long staircase in front of the building. You imagined each side lined with paparazzi, ready to take pictures of the beautiful couple exiting their limo.

Your door opened before you realized you had been daydreaming. Your boyfriend extended his hand for you to grab hold and finally walk up into the venue for the night. The inside was just as gorgeous as the outside. Chandeliers, marble flooring, expensive art lining the walls; the whole nine yards. When everyone comes into view, his arm is immediately around your waist. He introduced you to his colleagues and even to his boss which made you chuckle thinking back on the secret he told you about earlier. Everything was going well for you, yet for someone else, things were moving in a terrible direction.

San spotted you from across the large space, the conversation he was having fading completely the more he watched you. His jaw shifted and clenched seeing your boyfriend with his arm around your waist and hand on your ass. He didn’t deserve you. Sure San knew he wasn’t always the best boyfriend to you, but he could do so much better than whatever your boyfriend was attempting. Based on how giddy you looked, you probably haven’t seen him or spent much time with him lately, or so San thinks.

He remembers like yesterday hearing you tell him that you couldn’t be with him if he didn’t change, and at the time he couldn’t understand what that meant. He thinks he’s matured since then, at least in the way you wanted him to but seeing another man touch you made him realize maybe he has a lot more growing to do if he wanted to stay true to his claims.

He excused himself and made his way over to you. There was nothing wrong with going to talk to his absolutely beautiful ex girlfriend right? Your eyes widened seeing the broad shoulders clad in white approaching you. Your stomach twisted in knots, from both anxiety and flashbacks of your last encounter with him.

“Fancy seeing you here gorgeous.” San reached his point of interest, staring down the man at your side.

“San…how wonderful it is to see you.” You spoke with a forced smiled, trying your best to slow your heart rate. “How’s life treating you?”

It really was quite the surprise seeing him here, as this was the last place you thought to be bumping into him. It got you thinking what this event was for and how the hell he was even invited. Maybe, as you were, he was just someone's plus one. Although, that didn’t take away from the fact that you didn’t want to see him right now, especially knowing how weak you were for him still.

“Hmm it could be better if a certain someone was still in it.”

At that, your boyfriend turned to San, lip turned up in annoyance, “Do you know this guy babe?”

He and San exchanged fighting glances and you stepped in before things could get heated. “Yeah he's…an old friend. This is San.” You weren't sure why you lied, but it felt better to not reveal too much.

Your boyfriend extends his hand out to San reluctantly and San rolls his eyes before finishing the handshake. Things went well for the most part, although you would catch San staring at you, even throwing in a wink one of the times. Luckily your boyfriend caught none of it, knowing it definitely would have engaged his fight or flight response.

After a while, your boyfriend received a call on his phone and he excused himself saying it was important. You dismissed it and he gave you a kiss on the cheek before he walked away. San caught glimpse of the interaction and sneakily followed behind him through the heavy back doors. You stood by yourself at the table, taking small sips of your champagne. A hand slides across the small of your back and rests on your left hip. You turned expecting your boyfriend, only to see San with an unreadable expression. You tried to sidestep out of his hold but he tightened his grip on you.

“Hey don’t leave yet, we haven’t even gotten the chance to really talk beautiful.”

“Yeeeah…San we can’t be doing this right now.” You put a hand up to his chest and he backs away slightly.

“Doing what? Talking? He won’t let you talk to your friends?”

You scoffed, “No, he’s not controlling. And we’re not friends. It’s just I don’t know how comfortable I am talking to my ex who just put his arm around me.”

He rolled his eyes again, shifting his stance to prop a hand on the table, leaning against it to look at you. “Hmm well part of me thinks he doesn’t care.”

If only he wasn't starting to piss you off, you could finish admiring how good he looked. Wider shoulders, more defined arms and even his pecs were bigger. But you knew San and how he was when it came to you. He was possessive, sometimes it was for your own good but most times it just felt like he needed control over you in every way or he wouldn’t survive.

But you had to admit, that was his only flaw. Everything else about him was absolutely mind blowing, especially when it came to satisfying your needs. Your mind ran wild with thoughts. Thoughts of things you shouldn’t be thinking of as a taken woman. Yet, San making eye contact and the firmness of his chest under your hand earlier flooded you with memories of every time he’s fucked you into the mattress.

This was starting to get a bit out of hand and you weren't sure what else San had up his sleeve.

"You look good in your dress." He said looking you up and down, practically eating you with his eyes.

Come to think of it, he was the first to comment on your dress, your boyfriend hadn't mentioned it at all tonight. "Thank you, you also look very nice." You averted your eyes as you took another sip from the glass.

He stood up straight and stood a bit closer to you and rubbed a hand down your back as he leaned in to whisper in your ear, catching you off guard. It made it ten times worse with your dress being backless and the fabric dipping dangerously close to the waistband of your lace panties.

"If I were him, I'd take you somewhere to fuck you in it. Makes me wonder who he could be on the phone with right now. Think about it, if it were me, I would have my hands all over you.”

He was right. It was a fear that seeped into your subconscious every time he would miss one of your calls and blame it on work and how he acted in the limo earlier. He was starting to feel more than an arm's reach but you knew his job was demanding. So when he asked you to come out with him tonight, you decided to forget it all and allow yourself to have a great time and hope you would end your night moaning his name.

You hated San for bringing the thought back to you and you hated that his possessive personality was also a turn on at times but you knew better than to let yourself fall in his traps. A blush grew on your cheeks feeling the warmth of his breath tickle your ear. This was bad, you needed to stop him in his tracks before your boyfriend came back and questioned you. This had to end right here right now.

You pushed him into the nearest room, one you didn’t expect to be a bathroom, but anywhere was fine as long as no one saw where you went and with who. You carefully locked the door and turned to face him; he already had that arrogant smirk on his face.

“San what the hell?!” You shoved him on the chest. “I was hoping you weren’t going to cause any trouble, but I guess I was wrong. Why do you want to fuck up everything for me?”

He rolled his eyes and scoffed, “Are you even happy? You melted right into my touch earlier.” He walked closer to you, pinning you between him and the sink. “I didn’t say anything wrong either, he's a joke of a boyfriend whether you want to admit it or not.”

You rolled your eyes and scoffed, "Oh what? you think you can do better?"

He stared down at you, face contort in a stern expression. “I know I messed things up for us, but I think we can both agree that he doesn’t deserve you.” He grabs your hand and slides it down his chest, all the way down to his crotch.

“Feel that? You miss it don’t you? He must not fuck you good enough. He must not fuck you how I used to.”

“San…” he put a finger to your lips.

“Oh baby…I can see it written all over your face. Just ask me and I’ll give you what you want.” He steps even closer to you and tilts your chin up with his finger. “Say you’re my slut and I’ll fuck you better than he ever could.” He lifted you and sat you on the edge of the sink.

So much for not falling into his traps. You looked up at him with doe eyes and he looked down waiting for your answer. “I’m your slut…San please…” you were damn near out of breath and your head was spinning with how badly you wanted it; wanted him.

A pleased smile spread on his face. “My good girl, I knew you could do it.” His fingers tapped onto your lips and you happily sucked on two while he kept eye contact. He took them from your mouth and used them to rub slow circles on your clit. “Good girls kiss daddy.”

He lowered his lips onto yours, immediately slipping his tongue into your mouth. Your tongues danced together as he slipped his fingers into you. He wasted no time pumping them quickly against your sensitive spot, earning whines and whimpers.

“You need to forget him for a while and let me make up for all the shit he can’t do.” He spread your thighs and kneeled down between them. “I want you to remember this next time he even thinks he can do better than me.”

He kept eye contact while he licked along the slit of your still clothed pussy, stopping to suck harshly on the clit. You were holding your breath, your last resort for trying to keep in your moans. He hasn’t done much and your toes were already curling. He finally pushed your panties to the side and circled his tongue over your bundle of nerves.

Your hands tangled in his hair, pushing him closer to you, bucking your hips slightly against his face. He grabbed your legs and made them rest against his broad shoulders, your heels digging into his back. He added a finger into the mix, breaching your walls in an attempt to get you louder. Surely it was working more than you'd have liked.

Your head leaned back almost hitting the mirror as your chest heaved. Your toes curled and you pulled harshly at his dark locks making him groan against your skin. He sat up and roughly rid you of your panties before shoving them in his pocket.

“You don’t need these anymore. On your knees.” The way he said it gave you no room to disobey, so you shakily hopped off the sink and he pushed you down onto your knees. He unzipped his pants, letting his dick pop free. Thick and heavy looking as always and now you wanted nothing more than to wrap your lips around it. He grabbed your chin in his hand, “Open.”

You opened your mouth to let him spit in it, he loved messy head and he knew you did it best. He wasted no time in shoving his dick into your mouth and almost down your throat. He gathered your hair in his fist and bobbed your head at a quick pace.

“Go ahead, touch that pussy while I fuck your throat. Don’t stop until I tell you to.”

He knew how much you loved to be dominated, it was easy for him. The look of you on your knees gagging on his dick only made him harder and want to fuck your throat faster, but he wouldn’t be satisfied if you left this bathroom before he got to bend you over.

He pulled you off of him admiring the tears brimming your eyes and the puffiness of your lips. It was crazy to think that your boyfriend was the one sleeping next to you every night and San’s bed was empty. He deserved you more than some man who he found saying “I love you” on the phone with another woman. He deserved to fuck all your worries away. If you gave him a second chance, he would do better. Better than anyone else ever could. You were his forever and you seemed to have forgotten that, but he didn’t mind reminding you.

“Bend over the sink.” He kissed along your spine when you did, your eyes closing in ecstasy. “You ready for this dick?” He was so close, lips ghosting over your ear sending shudders down your back.

As soon as the word “yes” left your mouth, you felt the head of his dick rub harshly between your folds. Your chest felt tight, your heart was beating fast and you could barely keep your eyes open. He kissed in the crook of your neck making you look at him through the mirror as he slid in until he bottomed out. You could cum just from that small movement alone but you’d much rather wait until he fucks you right.

“You missed this didn’t you?” He pulled almost all the way out and slammed back in causing you to yelp from the sudden action. “I missed this pussy…I missed you.” His thrusts sped up to a demonic pace, the wet noises from the constant slapping of skin filled the bathroom effortlessly.

“S-san it feels so good~” you said through moans.

“I know baby, but I’m sad because you’re not using my name.” He used his other hand to wrap around your neck. He squeezed and made you even more lightheaded; It was perfect. “You didn’t forget it did you?”

“N-no Daddy n-never.” It was true and it was why you were never able to use it for your boyfriend. As much as you tried to forget San and how much he consumed your life, it was hard.

He tightened his grip on your hips and rolled his into yours. Of course it was wrong, but this is the most pleasure you’ve felt in a long time; admittedly since the last time you were with San. He had a way of handling you that set your senses on fire. He was exactly what you wanted and with the expectation of getting fucked tonight, you didn’t want to foil your own plans.

“Look how I fit right in. This pussy is mine forever."

He raised one of your legs onto the sink and grabbed a fistful of your hair, continuously plunging into you. Your eyes were rolling back and he patted your cheek, bringing your attention back to him.

“Mm mm, look at you. Look how pretty you look fucked out on my dick. Watch me fuck you just how you like.”

You didn’t want to see yourself in this state, it only made it feel more real. Your tongue lolled out slightly, one strap of your dress draped low on your shoulder and he held one of your breasts roughly. It was a lewd sight to say the least and the sounds that were coming from the speed San was fucking you made it no better.

There was a knock on the door and your head tried to whip in that direction but San tugged harder on your hair. He quickly told the person on the other side of the door that it was occupied, not expecting for them to say anything back.

“Y/N are you in there?” The voice of your boyfriend grated against your ears like nails on a chalkboard. You were guilty and moaning like you were unable to produce any other sound.

San’s eyes darkened and he smiled wickedly. “Oh yes she is and she’s busy.” He leaned forward and whispered in your ear, “Let’s put on a show for him, let him know who owns this pussy.”

He sped up his thrusts and quickly rubbed on your clit. You squirmed in his hold, trying to do everything you could to not scream from the pleasure. Nothing worked and now your boyfriend and maybe several other people could hear what you and San were doing.

“This pussy all for me?” He was an expert with how he rolled his hips into you; he was so deep and repeatedly hitting your sweet spot.

“Fuck Daddy, yes! It feels so good!” Your legs were like jelly and your orgasm was a few more thrusts away.

“You’ll never find someone who can fuck you like this? Who can make you beg for it?”

You whimpered loudly in response. You thought it wasn’t possible but he fucked you harder, fucked you faster and with the abuse on your clit there was no more delaying your bliss. You came hard, squirting onto the floor and partially on the man behind you. Your walls were squeezing him so tightly and he loved every single second.

"You gonna let me cum inside so you can take me home with you, hmm?" His thrusts were getting sloppier but he never slowed down and never stopped rubbing your clit.

The overstimulation and the way he spoke to you was driving you mad, you didn't think about anything else in this moment besides making this a night to remember.

"Yes Daddy fill me up, please please please!" You knew he loved it when you begged, especially for him to empty all his cum in you. Tonight was no different and he came in a few more thrusts.

"You did so well baby, took it so well." He gave you more kisses to your shoulder as he gently pulled out and let go of your leg.

By this time your boyfriend was already banging on the door, demanding that you let him in. San made sure to clean the both of you up before he let you out of his sight. You walked to the door, taking a deep breath as you unlocked it; San close behind. Your boyfriend looked like he could pop at any second with how red his face was.

"Are you fucking kidding me?! You see one old friend and you let him fuck you in the bathroom? IN PUBLIC?!"

He almost shoved at your arm, but San does it to him first. "I don't suggest you follow through with that. And maybe next time you should make sure your girlfriend is happy before you start running your mouth."

"That IS my girlfriend, back the fuck off!"

"Oh her?" San points and quickly glances in your direction. "No, she's mine, I was referring to the one you were on the phone with, but maybe you're already forgetting about her too."

And with that, your now ex-boyfriend had nothing left to say but apologize to you as you walked away with San. Maybe all things did come to an end, but perhaps for good reason.

[elliesmainhoe]

need ellie to take care of me drunk desperately

i love your writing 😭

Rescue Remedy

e.williams x fem!reader

summary: you call Ellie to come and rescue you from a bar after having a few too many drinks

warnings: alcohol, cigarettes, mentions of hangovers, slurred speech, drunk crying, fluff.

just realized this is basically a self insert vent post of a very similar situation I've been in LMAO

WC 1K

DAY 4 OF SAPPHIC SUMMER

you were relieved when the familiar beaten up Ford focus pulled up beside you. you'd been sitting on the curb for almost 15 minutes- tear stained cheeks, smudged glitter and mascara as your body shook and jittered from both the cold Seattle night and the mixture of cigarette smoke and alcohol causing the most humbling case of hiccups you think you've ever had.

"Ells!" you whined, a new flood of tears streaming from your eyes at the sight of your night in shining armour- your girlfriend.

"c'mon sweet girl" she huffed, hair thrown up messily in the usual half up, half down style, clad in red and black checkered pyjama pants, black hoodie that was splattered with paint topped off with the obnoxious lime green crocks you'd gotten her for her one Christmas, of course decked out in charms shed collected over the past few months.

before you could even process it you were sitting in the passenger seat, leather seats sticking to your sweat glazed skin, and sobs turning to hiccups.

this had been the worst night out you'd had since your 21st. and as soon as the car revved and moved down the road, Ellie's hand pressed firmly on your bare thigh, the fabric of your dress not long enough to cover the majority of your thigh.

"what happened sweet girl?" oh and by that one question, it's like Ellie had opened a flood gate.

firstly, you got to the club of choice after having to walk almost a mile from where your designated driver had parked, accompanied by a couple of friends. after queuing on the curb for almost thirty minutes, you reached the front of the queue and then promptly realized you had left you purse. with your id. in the car. a mile away.

so after you'd trekked all the way to the car, retrieving your purse and id, getting back to the club, queuing for another 30 minutes, on your own this time- as your friends who had not forgotten their id decided to go in and leave you to sort your shit out.

let's just say you were already a little pissed off.

secondly, you got in the club and it stunk. not just of sweat and booze, but piss. fucking piss. and to top that all off you couldn't find your friends so- you did what any other sane person would do and ordered shots.

shots that were actually doubles, but of course you hadnt realized that until way too late.

which leads into the final stage of the night, your head being deep in a grimy toilet bowl, knees bruised from having to kneel on tiles that were not grouted properly and pieces of them shot out and cut at your skin.

and by that point you had gotten out your phone, which was now on 7% charge because you had offers to use your GPS and it drained all your battery, and was a blubbering mess on call with your girlfriend.

you would later have to retell the story again, as apparently according to Ellie- she couldn't understand a word you were saying, just nodding along in a desperate attempt to keep you awake long enough to get a glass of water and a slice of toast down you.

it must have been during your tangent when you'd gotten home, as when you finally finished your incoherent mumbling you were sitting on the beat up leather couch of yours and Ellie's apartment, a couch you'd hated as soon as you moved in, but Ellie had a weird attachment to so it stayed in it's place, the first thing you saw when you entered the home.

Ellie was kneeling in front of you, sitting between your thighs and facing you, holding up a large glass of water,

"sip baby" she spoke softly, to which you groaned.

"do- do- I haveeeeeee to?" you whined, batting your eyelashes in an attempt to distract your girlfriend "jus' wan' sleep"

"you can sleep after you drink that." after another groan you took a sip of the glass of water- admittedly, it was refreshing, however you still gagged to prove a point.

"good girl" she purred, standing up and kissing your forehead, moving over to the cabinet to grab a packet of pills.

"fuck off"

she laughs, moving back with a small white pill in the palm of her hand, to which you begrudgingly take after Ellie promises to take you to get ice cream the day after.

you felt your eyelids droop once more, you couldn't tell if it was sleep, or just your false eyelashes becoming suddenly very heavy, you whine "'m tired ells..."

"alright I hear you, c'mon baby" she sighs, leaving a half eaten piece of toast on the coffee table, one arm supporting your back and the other under your knees as she made her way to your bedroom, plopping you on the mattress and you sigh, already drifting to sleep before you screech at the feeling of something wet in your face.

"hey- hey" Ellie laughs, "I'm just taking off your makeup baby, just taking off your makeup", she smiles, dragging a cotton pad across your skin, taking off the creams and powders you had applied previously, smudged mascara coming off with it.

Ellie was thankful you'd taken off your clothes as soon as you stepped foot into the apartment saying something which she thinks was "dresses like these are modern day torture devices"- but with the way you slur your words when drunk she could never be sure, leaving you just in your underwear, making her job a whole lot easier.

trying to maneuver you, who had now dropped on the mattress like a deadweight, would've been a too strenuous task for 3am.

after discarding the used wipes and pulling your hair back into a very messy ponytail, Ellie scooted in beside you, the mattress sinking as you unconsciously snuggle in closer, head nuzzling into the girls neck, her hand going around to caress your back, soothing you into an easy sleep.

the hangover tomorrow was going to be horrible.

••••••••••••••

The third time I've tried to write this, I almost gave up 🥰

[beenbaanbuun]

blood w/ poly!ateez

so i feel so sane about this… definitely no evil thoughts filling up my brain right now. none whatsoever :)

i want to write so much more about this universe and i’m literally sending the biggest kiss ever to @ateez-main-yapper to requesting this because i will be thinking about this for the rest of my life!

words - idk

genre - smut, horror (there’s a bit of gore i guess)

warnings - vampire!ateez, mafia!ateez, human!reader, smuggler!reader, blood, scarification, collars, ownership, blood, surgery mentions, nicknames (little mouse, princess, sweetheart), dancer!yeosang, security guard!mingi, ripper!doctor!yunho, mommy!seonghwa (don’t look at me like that, i had to), hand kink (mentioned), no actual sex but it’s talked about a lot, hair pulling, i think that’s all??

——————————————————————————

the scent of stale blood haunts the hallway you find yourself walking down, clinging to the back of your throat until yourself gagging on it. no matter how many times you find yourself down here, it never gets any easier to cope with; even a slaughterhouse would be more pleasant than this.

it begs the question why you’re back. by now, you’ve bled them of enough money to never have to work again, so it’s certainly not the pay. the job itself is harder than most, and not at all rewarding when you have to lie and cheat your way into success. there’s no doubt that the stress of hiding a smuggling operation behind the guise of a blood donation clinic has taken a good 20 years of your life from you. you can guarantee that job satisfaction isn’t what’s keeping you here either.

it’s only when you turn a corner and your eyes land upon them that you remember exactly why you’re still so willing to walk these halls. it isn’t something keeping you here but rather someone; multiple someones, in fact.

“mingi!” your footsteps quicken as you get closer the security guard that stands waiting outside of a heavy metal door. despite the fact that you’ve been on the other side of it multiple times, it still sends a shiver of curiosity down your spine. it’s not an anxious curiosity as it was when you first landed yourself in this position, but more of a morbid one. you know the horrors that lie behind it, you’ve experienced a few of them too, yet you still yearn to see more. “long time no see,” you offer a polite smile once you’re close enough to lower your volume from a shout, “san told me hongjoong had assigned you to pest control. is it not going well?”

mingi gives you a slow blink, his jaw set in stone and his eyes steely as he stares you down. he’s always looked far more intimidating than he actually is, although you suppose it serves to his benefit when his main job it scaring away anyone who might wish to disturb the peace. you’re only grateful to have had the chance to see behind the mask he wears; to watch his eyes melt and his lips part in the wonky grin he gets so little time to wear.

“you’ve not seen me in months and the first thing you ask me is about my demotion back to security?” he quirks a brow at you and you have to bite back your grin. in truth, you’d heard all about it from seonghwa over the past few weeks, your main contact within the clan more than happy to share life details with you as though you’re a lifelong friend rather than a mere employee. their favourite employee, sure, but still at the bottom of the pecking order.

“i just wanted to know more,” you lift your arms in defence, not missing the way his eyes flicker to the bandage on your left forearm, “like you said, it’s been a while.”

mingi hums in agreement as he examines the clean cloth. a long finger reaches out to trace the spot where the fabric meets your skin, the touch lingering and soft. it’s more the real mingi than it is the security guard mingi; it warms your heart to see.

“when did this happen?” he whispers, voice barely above a whisper.

“about two weeks ago,” you i pull your wrist back, letting mingi’s hand drop back down to his side, “hongjoong wanted to approach me about it, but i didn’t take much convincing,” actually, it was you who approached him but for some reason that’s much harder to admit, “you guys are much… kinder to me than the other clans i supply, well, supplied to. it was a no brainer to ditch them when given the chance.”

“so you’re ours?” he asks, voice dipping a little too low for the question to be purely innocent.

“i’m mine,” you confirm, “what i supply, however, is all yours.”

there’s a smirk on his lips, not as easily defeated by your sense of self worth as you’d like him to be. he knows as well as the rest of them what the mark on your arm means, after all. he knows as well as you do that there’s no getting away from them now. the moment yunho took his sweet, sadistic time carving their mark into your body it wasn’t just your business that belonged to them.

“sure you are, little mouse,” he whispers as he leans in close, his icy breath fluttering against your face. your stomach drops but you choose to ignore it. this was your decision, after all, “now, scurry along; you wouldn’t want to keep anyone waiting, would you?”

with the flip of a switch, the metal door clicks open and your immediately met with a blast of cool air and a wall of sound. you’ll never understand the clan’s need for these constant frivolities, especially when you’re on the other side of this getting your hands dirty, but you suppose it is a good way to hide their more secretive operations. no one is going to notice the door in the corner when there’s so much going on out here, right? it’s an extra layer of security, and a darn good one at that.

when you step inside, the door clicks shut behind you and you immediately get to scanning the crowd of partygoers for a familiar face. amongst the hoard of vampires, they’re harder to spot, their ashy skin and red eyes sticking out a lot less than they would next to a human. instead you look for a familiar hair colour, recalling the angry text you got from seonghwa about the den’s main bathroom turning pink with hongjoong’s hairdye. nothing sticks out at you, though, and so you’re back at square one.

your arms stretch out before you as you go to push through the crowd. it’s moments like this that you’re glad for the metal, almost collar-like band around your neck. yeosang had created it as a way to keep your pulse hidden from any less-well-meaning vampires. he’d insisted that the tag dangling from it with the clan’s emblem engraved was all hongjoong’s idea, but you recognise the same possessive glint in all of their eyes. it’s the same one yunho had given you when engraving that very emblem into your body, and the same one san had given to you when wrapping your bleeding arm up in a fluffy white bandage. yeosang is just like the rest of them, even behind his sweet exterior.

but right now he isn’t crafting some marvel of engineering out of metal scraps and a dream, but instead on the stage at the front of the room. it’s not often he’s up there instead of one of the others, but as you watch him elegantly dangle from a hoop that hangs from the ceiling, you find it hard to see why. he’s utterly ethereal, like a butterfly about to emerge from a chrysalis; one of those blue ones with the wings that seemed designed to capture your attention with their beauty. you’re entranced, much more so than the rest of the party-goers who seem to have grown blind to the creature moving elegantly before them.

his body moves not at all like a butterfly though, instead flowing smoothly like a viper along the branch of a tree. he extends his arms in such a way you’ve never seen before, silken and smooth as he reaches out to his audience. it pulls you in further, your feet shuffling as you push through the final layer of people to get to the stage. you stumble forwards, catching yourself on the edge of the raised platform. if he notices you there, he doesn’t show it; the stoic expression he wears remains steady as he gracefully shifts his body into yet another position.

you watch him like that until the end of his performance, unblinking with your lips parted in awe. even the way he tumbles to the floor and bows to an uninterested audience holds so much more grace than you think you will ever possess. to think that this is the man that spends half of his time smeared in motor oil with a puppy-like grin on his lips is strange, yet it feels so right.

“hello, little mouse,” he echoes the familiar nickname as he makes his way to the front of the stage, crouching down in front of you and running an all-too-confident finger along your jawline to your chin. he snaps your mouth shut in a way that is so far from the yeosang you know that part of you believes this must be his much cockier twin. “hongjoong is out tonight; some trouble on south side caught his attention so he wanted to clean up the mess before the police got there.”

“i’m meeting with seonghwa then?” you murmur, too starstruck for your mouth the form words properly.

yeosang shakes his head.

“seonghwa and san went with him,” the finger from your chin shifts down to the piece of jewellery that fits snug around your neck. his touch catches against the tag, the jingling sound reminding you of a bell on a cats collar. you try to ignore the smirk that rises to his face as sees you make the connection, instead shifting your gaze to the pendant around his neck that shares the same symbol. “yunho is busy with whatever sick shit gets him off, me and mingi are working which means…”

fuck.

“jongho and wooyoung.”

“clever mouse,” yeosang’s tone is venomous, despite his words being soft. clearly performing does something to his ego; inflates it until every sign of the sweet mechanic is hidden behind a thick shroud of confidence. it’s deliciously cruel, mirroring the sick sadism of yunho or the vast overconfidence of mingi, and holy fuck do you want a taste. perhaps later, once business is over.

if business is over.

“i wouldn’t worry too much about those two, though,” he continues, tugging on the tag of your collar—because despite your pride, even you have to admit that there’s no other way to describe it—until you’re face is merely inches from his own, “hongjoong promised yunho their balls if they can’t learn to control them. maybe you’ll finally be able to have a meeting with them before getting your pussy stuffed, hm?”

you feel yourself getting warmer, your face flushing as yeosang so blatantly talks about your track record with the pair of resident trouble makers. it’s not like you’ve let slip about all the times jongho’s had you sitting on his cock with your mouth wrapped around wooyoung’s the second you step into their office which means that they must have instead. it makes you wonder what they talk about whenever you’re not here, and how much each of them know about your less than professional escapades with each of them. it’s a troubling thought, and yet it’s still manages to light a fire deep in your belly.

“see you later, yeosang,” is the only thing you can mumble in response as you pull away from his touch, the tag of the collar bumping gently against your neck as it slips free of his fingers.

——————-

“you told the others about fucking me?” you scoff as you barge your way into the office where the two youngest vampires await your arrival. it’s nice to see them here already, since they usually arrive far later than the agreed upon time. although, you suppose with the delays of mingi and yeosang, you’re also late on this occasion. you let the passive-aggressive comment about time keeping slide, knowing it won’t help you right now.

“hello to you too, mousy,” wooyoung hums from where he lays on the green sofa in the corner of the room, “it’s nice to see you again! we’re doing wonderfully, by the way; thanks for a—”

you let the door slam behind you as you storm your way towards him, completely ignoring the curious gaze of jongho.

“cut the shit, wooyoung,” you grab hold of his shirt collar and lean in close. it’s supposed to be intimidating but the wide grin on his lips lets you know otherwise. “you’ve all been talking about me when i’m not here? what the fuck, man!”

wooyoung chuckles in your face, his dangerous fangs glinting beneath the overhead lights. you know he’d never bite without your permission—people have been killed by hongjoong for much less—but it still sends a shiver through you whenever you see them.

“you’re not exactly discrete yourself, princess,” the office chair creaks as jongho stands, making his way around his desk and towards you. although you keep your gaze firmly on the little rat who still sits giggling to himself, you can’t help but be hyper aware of the presence behind you. a large hand traces its way up your spine, not stopping until you feel his fingers lace themselves with your locks and tug. your grip fall limply from wooyoung’s shirt as you’re hauled back into the soft muscle of jongho’s chest, your neck craned awkwardly over his shoulder to keep you in place. “what do you want us to say when san is asking about who’s cum he’s eaten from your pussy? do you want us to lie to them?”

you squirm, wincing when his grip on your hair doesn’t loosen despite your attempts to break free. they call you little mouse and right now, you really do feel the part—you walked right into a trap of which there’s no way out.

“maybe i should let you fuck me again just so i can watch when yunho rips your fucking balls off your body!” you grunt through gritted teeth.

jongho hums in amusement, “it was hyperbole, sweetheart,” a pair of cold lips meet the hot skin of your cheek for just a second before pulling away, the softness a stark contrast to the harsh grip he still has you in, “he doesn’t care how much we fuck you as long as we get the job done. after all, he’d be a hypocrite to complain about us fucking you when his dick is inside of you twice as often, hm?”

you watch with cautious eyes as wooyoung stands from his place on the sofa, grinning as wide as the cheshire cat. it reeks of danger, yet you’ve never been the type to give into that sort of thing. you’re a human working for a bunch of vampires; danger is just a regular part of your life at this point.

“besides, mousy,” the cheshire cat purrs, “you think we’re the only ones who talk? you don’t think we know just how much you love calling seonghwa mommy when you ride him? or how much you love it when yeosang spits in your mouth whenever he’s fucking you dumb?” wooyoung brings a hand to your cheek, dusting over your bottom lip with his thumb, “you’re ours, little mouse; we can talk if we want.”

[peachsukii]

𝓲𝓷𝓴 & 𝓻𝓱𝔂𝓽𝓱𝓶 𝓶𝓪𝓼𝓽𝓮𝓻 𝓵𝓲𝓼𝓽 『 band au | strangers to lovers | slow burn 』

pairing // artist!reader x drummer!bakugo status // in progress rating // explicit (18+ themes) #✩.ink&rhythm + crossposted to AO3

✩ summary // Distortion is the hottest band in town, making waves in the underground scene with their unique sound. Led by your college best friend and music prodigy, Kyoka Jiro, alongside her misfit group of friends, they've been playing shows every weekend for the last few months and have gathered a decent following. You're whisked into the whirlwind of their rockstar lives when Jiro commissions you to design a band logo for their merch, reconnecting with her and meeting the members of the band. Your eyes immediately gravitate to their powerful drummer, Katsuki Bakugo. Fresh out of a nasty three year on/off relationship, he's not looking for anything or anyone while shutting out the world around him. He's focused on the one thing that keeps him sane; music. You're six months free of a breakup as well, looking to repaint your world with new colors and experiences, but turns out it's more tumultuous than anticipated. Explosive fights, newfound fame, clashing egos, dive bars, stolen kisses, black out dreams, messy exes and hard lessons; but somehow, love finds a way to bloom like a flower in the desert - deep in the hottest, driest wasteland of two broken hearts.

✩ tags & warnings // rock/punk/alt band au, slow burn, meet cute, strangers to lovers, various smut, smoking/drugs/alcohol consumption, talks of emotional & physical abuse from past partners, angst with a happy ending, emotional hurt/comfort, mild violence, mentions of cheating from past partners, miscommunications, jealousy, long distance, stalking, attempted sexual assault (not from bakugo or the bakusquad!), bakugo & reader suffer from relationship traumas (Camie & dabi are nasty exes), bakusquad are in a band, friend breakups & makeups

꒰ track list ꒱ ✩ Prelude: Holding onto Hope is a Different Kind of Pain ✩ Track One: Shine a Light into the Wreckage ✩ Track Two: Flowers Filled with Vitriol ✩ Track Three: Boulevard of (Broken?) Dreams ✩ Track Four: You Can Throw Me in the Deep End ✩ Track Five: Every Canvas that I Paint is a Masterpiece (of My Mistakes) ✩ Track Six: Band-Aids Don't Fix Bullet Holes ✩ Track Seven: Good Girls Stay Alive ✩ Track Eight: The End of Me, The End of Me ✩ Track Nine: If It Means A Lot To You ✩ Track Ten: Hand on the Throttle ✩ Bonus Track: We Are Distortion, 1-2-3-go!!

꒰ info ꒱ ✩ all characters are 24/25 years old ✩ reader co-owns an art gallery and has a BFA ✩ reader's artist alias is "glxtch" (glitch) ✩ bakugo drives a custom built orange & black Kawasaki Ninja ZX-6R ✩ relationships: momojiro, kirimina, ex-bakucamie, ex-dabi/reader

✩ band name: Distortion ✧ Kyoka Jiro | lead singer, electric guitar (Barista - Degree in Music Production) ✧ Denki Kaminari | electric guitar, backup vocals (Waiter) ✧ Eijiro Kirishima | bass, backup vocals (Bartender) ✧ Katsuki Bakugo | drummer, backup vocals (Bike Mechanic) ✧ Mina Ashido | keyboard, backup vocals (Makeup artist) ✧ Momo Yaoyorozu | band manager (Marketing assistant)

✩ vocal inspirations ✧ Kyoka Jiro ⇢  addie amick (halocene) ✧ Denki Kaminari ⇢  rory rodriguez (dayseeker) ✧ Eijiro Kirishima ⇢  tim mcilrath (rise against) ✧ Katsuki Bakugo ⇢  eric vanlerberghe & acoustic (i prevail - harsh vocals) ✧ Mina Ashido ⇢  maggie lindemann

꒰ mood board ꒱

✩ pinterest board ✩

꒰ playlist ꒱

⇢  tag list ; @/bells-28 @/simp-plague @/nemisimp @/hotttamalee @/mymysenpai @/ttulipwritezz @/bakunianadecorazon @/yoyolovesdaiki @/eeeeeevesstuff @/alloueate @/dollukisposts @/Rikakhai @/blazedbakugou @/lillizxzz ♡ last updated // 08.09.24 dividers, banners & moodboard by taurus-magicka

[outsideratheart]

Happiness (Alexia Putellas x reader)

A/N: This is the third and final part of History and Hope. I hope you enjoy!

It was hard being friends with Alexia but that is the situation you found yourself in. After her injury you forget all about the past because what she was going through was much more important. It resulted in multiple trains to Spain and in the end you were able to mend your friendship. 

But here’s the thing: could two people who once cared about each other unconditionally ever be just friends?

You were beginning to find out the answer to that the hard way. You loved Caroline and deep down you knew you loved alexia, it was a feeling that would never change. The question was which one were you in love with. 

The public hadn’t seen you and Alexia together since before her injury so when the footage of you two arriving together at camp was posted the entire Sefutbol fanbase lost their minds. It didn’t help that every comment was about how it reminded them of the past and how they suspected something was going on between the two of you even though you were still with Caroline. 

Caroline trusted you and she told you this but whenever you called her during camp she questioned the how deep your relationship with Alexia went. She knew of your past and you were honest with her when you spoke of the love you had for your former best friend and co captain. 

You reassured her that you and Alexia were friends and nothing more but you could tell that she didn’t believe you. For the past few of months you could use the fact Alexia had a girlfriend to back up your statement but now they had broken up. You were the person Alexia came to when it happened and Caroline hated that your bond had returned to its unbreakable state.  

You and Alexia were told you’d be roommates for the pre World Cup camp and for the tournament. It was something the two of you were both happy about because you knew the pressure you would be facing in the upcoming weeks and it would be each other that would  keep you sane. 

After a tense phone with Caroline you didn’t know how to feel. Photos had been released from training of you and Alexia and to the rest of the world the two of you looked very close but it was simply the way Spaniards acted around each other. 

“Is everything ok?” Alexia asked as she exited bathroom pretending to not have heard every word you said.  

“I think so” truth is you didn’t know “it’s hard trying to explain, well us”

“It is. That’s why my relationship ended” Alexia knew your struggles well. 

This isn’t something you knew. You wasn’t sure why they broke up, you never asked, but you didn’t for a second think it had something to do with you. 

“I’m sorry” 

“It wasn’t your fault. She knew that I still loved you” 

“Alexia”

“I know you’re with Caroline and I don’t want to jeopardise that but it is true. I do love you, part of me always will and she couldn’t understand that” 

This is why it was hard. Friends don’t say stuff like that to other friends. 

“I’m with Caroline, Alexia. We can’t have this conversation”

“But you admit there is something here, something that we can talk about”

“There’s nothing to talk about. We are in a good place and we need to keep it that way. There’s too much at stake” 

The pressure on the two of you was enormous. The entire world was watching and waiting in anticipation and you weren’t go to let your relationship current or what could have been ruin that. 

“I understand” 

And that was true. Alexia did understand because before you fell in love with each other, you fell in love with football and winning the World Cup was something you dreamed of doing when you made your debuts together. 

The team had a couple of days off between camp and travelling to New Zealand. You took the opportunity to go away with Caroline and it was just what the two of you needed. You could back up your words of reassurance with actions. By the time you boarded the plane to go to World Cup things couldn’t have been in a better place. 

Throughout the group stages you played some of the best football you had in a long while. Every one of your team mates said it was because you and Alexia were in the best place you had been in years. This was true and you knew it was a huge reason why the two of you had been performing like you had. 

Up until now you never had a thought of straying from your relationship or thinking about being with anyone but Caroline. This all changed after the quarter finals. You had scored the second goal and the only person you wanted to celebrate with was Alexia. 

“What just happened!” you shouted as you jumped into her arms. Alexia truly did plan on wrapping her arms around your back but the speed in which you jumped almost caused you to fall if not for Alexia’s hands on the bottom of your thighs. 

“You’ve just sent us to semi final” Alexia kisses your neck. 

The feeling of her lips against your bare skin had the power the teleport you to the night you shared your first kiss in Paris. Your surroundings became blurred for matter of seconds but that is enough to let your mind stray. In that moment you wanted to kiss Alexia, you wanted to cheat on your girlfriend. You hated yourself for it but it was feeling you could no longer deny.

A similar thing happens in the semi final only Alexia isn’t on the pitch for your game winning goal. This doesn’t stop you from celebrating though as you ignore all of you screaming team mates and run straight to where she is cheering on the bench. 

“That one was for you Ale” the nickname made a return, you didn’t dislike it and it wasn’t an accident.

Once again you are in her arms and you can feel her firm grasp on your waist. 

“Mi estrella” 

This time you kiss her cheek even though you know it’s wrong. You tell yourself it is innocent as it isn’t on the lips.

The final whistle blows and you fall to your knees. You were in shock knowing that Spain were through to the World Cup final. The whole team celebrates the achievement and as the team gathers in a circle you spot Alexia opposite you. This is what you have been working towards for years and now you only have one game left to play and one team left to beat. 

Just as you were about to go to Alexia you get pulled away by Olga and Athenea.

“Come with us MVP. We have a surprise for you” your Real Madrid team mates pull you through the tunnel.

With these two anything was possible so you keep an open mind. As you reach the end of the corridor you see the surprise they were referring to and she did not look happy although to anyone else her smile was believable.

“Caroline” you truly are happy to see your girlfriend and having her in front of you makes you forget all about Alexia. 

“Congratulations Y/N” she pulls you in her arms but her hold isn’t as strong as it normally is and you know that something is wrong.

“Thank you Carino” you lean forward to kiss her and are met with a battle for dominance, something with doesn’t normally happen.

“My girlfriend is through to the final” you are too focused on the kiss that just happened that you don’t pick up on the possessive tone that Caroline uses when she says the word mine.

“Let’s get out of here” you are still dressed in your kit although you had swapped shirts with Asllani.

“What about your team mates?” Caroline asks even though she wants nothing more than to have you to herself.

“I can celebrate with them later. I have missed you”

“Looks like it” She whispers under her breath but it is loud enough that you hear it.

Once in the locker room Alexia’s eyes search for you and she even goes back out to the pitch to see if you had stayed out there knowing that this is something you do. Even as she returns to the rowdy Spanish locker rooms she is almost certain that you would be in there by now, only you’re not.

Jenni asks her what’s wrong but she shakes it off.

“I was looking for Y/N but she must be doing media” Alexia says as it is the only explanation she can come up with.

“Y/N wasn’t needed for media. Salma did it instead” their media manager confirms.

Alexia was beginning to worry as to your whereabouts but Olga is quick to put her out of her misery even though what she says makes Alexia a lot more than miserable.

“Caroline came to surprise her“ Olga says.

“And we saw them leaving the stadium just as we came back here” Athenea adds.

The Catalonian was at a loss for words. Had she been reading the signals wrong?

“She did?” Esthers says excitedly “That’s nice. They really are inseparable in Madrid and I think I speak for everyone when I say we can tell Y/N has been missing Caroline”

The players that were listening to the conversation agree with the forward and every agreement made Alexia’s blood boil. It was enough to stop celebrating and leave the room in search of some alone time.

The pitch was the place Alexia thought would be the quietest and she was right. It’s funny how much bigger it felt when it was empty and silent. She took the time to go over the past couple of days and it made her come to the conclusion that she didn’t just love you, she was in love with you. So much that it scared her because you had the power to hurt her although part of her believed she deserved it.

“Here” 

The voice makes Alexia jump. She turns and finds Misa standing next to her with a beer in her hand.

“I don’t drink during tournaments, you know this”

“You’re going to need it for the conversation we are about to have and before you say you don’t want to talk about it you should know that you need to talk about it Alexia”

Whatever was going on between you and Alexia was enough to gain the attention of the goalkeeper. This alone filled Alexia with a little bit of hope.

“I’m in love with her Misa and I don’t know what to do. We have these moments and it gives me a sense of deja vu. I am transported back to 2019 where I wanted nothing more than to kiss her and ask to be mine. I want that, I want her” 

Misa isn’t the person Alexia thought she would be having this conversation with but the two of them had grew close over the past couple of weeks and it helped that she knew you very well. She would be able to give an insight as to how you may be feeling.

“That isn’t going to happen” Misa says before taking a huge mouthful of the ice cold beer in her hands.

“I know but I can’t lose hope. Without hope I have nothing. I won’t have her and I won’t be able to have the thought of us been together”

“I wasn’t finished. It isn’t go to happen right now. She is in a committed relationship and no way will she do to Caroline what you did to her. Her heart is too pure”

Deep down Alexia knew Misa was right. You never wanted to cause pain for anyone and you definitely wouldn’t do it to the woman you love.

“I know. I don’t know what to do” Alexia hangs her head in defeat but not before taking a sip of the drink she swore not to only minutes ago.

“Do you want my opinion?” Misa asks and Alexia nods but doesn’t make eye contact “I think you need to tell her how you feel and don’t hold back”

Alexia wasn’t sure if that is something she is capable off. If she tells you then she risks losing you all together and she couldn’t have that happen. The two of you were in a good place and she’ll be damned if she is the cause for that to change. She needed to the think or more appropriately not think and her team mates that were none the wiser to her feelings would be the perfect distraction or at least that is what she is hoping.

“Alexia” Misa shouts causing the midfielder to look back at her “For what it’s worth I think part of her feels the same way. Ever since arriving in New Zealand I have seen a side of Y/N that I haven’t seen before and I think you’re the reason for that”

When the team arrive back at the hotel they do so just in time to see Caroline leaving. Given the amount of Real Madrid players on the team, most of them stop to say hi but Alexia notices that you are nowhere in sight. Now is her chance. 

She gives up on waiting at the elevator and runs up the stairs two at a time. She is breathless when knocking on your door at a rapid pace. After thirty seconds she takes a short break before trying again. This morning she didn’t plan on having this conversation with you but now she wanted nothing more. She is determined not to admit defeat but her red knuckles beg her to do just that. Maybe you weren’t in the room. 

The team is gathered in the common room when Alexia enters but still you are not there. Her gut was telling her something was wrong and she never ignored her gut.

“Have any of you seen Y/N?” She asks the entire room hoping at least one person would know where you were.

“She is in her room” Jorge states and it makes Alexia take a step back in disbelief because it means you were ignoring her reluctant knocking “She told me that she isn’t feeling well so she won’t be down for team meal tonight”

“Ok, I will take a plate up to her if I can get a key” Alexia knew that if anyone had the power to get a key for your room it would be the coach.

“No Alexia. Y/N asked me to be left alone tonight and given that she has been our saving grace the past couple of games I am going to do as she asked and I’m going to make sure everyone else does too”

Alexia was confused. You were fine an our ago, what could have changed in such a small amount of time and why where you hell bent on being left alone. Being respectful to your wishes Alexia left you alone that night and instead would talk to you in the morning only she doesn’t get the chance because the next day you avoid her at all costs. 

You didn’t intend on hurting Alexia with your behaviour but it is what you needed to do to get through the next couple of days. There was a World Cup final to prepare for and you needed to have a clear head if you had any chance of winning. 

By the time the 20th August comes around you can count on one hand the amount of times you have spoken to Alexia and you would have fingers spare. You heart was all over the place but head was locked in on the task at hand and that is all that mattered or at least it was for the next 90 minutes which would then turn into 120 minutes because the score remained 0-0 after extra time. Like many other games, this one would be decided with penalties. 

“Y/N” Alexia grabbed your hand before the team walked to the half way line.

“Not now Alexia. I need to focus” you pull out of her grasp.

It all came down the 5th penalty. Both team have scored all penalties so far and given that Spain went second the pressure was fully on your shoulders as you were the fifth penalty taker. Misa hands you the ball but doesn’t say a word. Besides she knew that you wouldn’t hear a word she said anyways.

When you hit the ball you know you didn’t get it quite right. You always went for the side netting and you had a 100% success rate. You did until this moment because instead of hitting the netting the ball hits the post and rolls away form the goal. You had just missed and cost your team and country the title of World Cup champions.

You didn’t fall to the floor, nor did you walk back to your team mates. You stood in the same spot as if rooted to the ground. If you had to describe the way you were feeling you would use the word shock. How could you miss, this one out of them all. 

Misa the first person to enter you line of vision as she crouches down to reassure you that it was ok and that it wasn’t your fault but it was. You knew it and the rest of the world did too. The next thing you do it turn your emotions off, knowing that it was better to feel nothing at all. This did mean that you shut off the world around you. The sounds in the stadium became muffled as if you were under water and the presence of your team mates didn’t register.

“We are a team. Win or lose, we do so together” Alexia wraps her arms around your shoulder and tries to pull you close to her but it’s as if the contact burns and you recoil from her touch.

“I am the captain today, not you. I missed the penalty, not you. This is on me Alexia so don’t try and make this about you” 

“Y/N, that’s not what I’m doing” Alexia tries to reach out for you. She knows once you give up the urge to fight that you will need comfort.

“Why don’t you go to Jenni! It’s what you did after the last World Cup” your words were like venom and you spat them straight at her.

Alexia remained in her place even when watching you walk away, seeking comfort in your co captain at Real Madrid Ivana Andres. It was her side that you stood as you watched the other team lift the trophy. As soon as you were allowed to and when it respectful enough to do so, you left not only the pitch but the stadium.

The energy is the locker room was awful, it was as if somebody had died. To the outside world that might seem dramatic but losing a final had an effect that was hard to explain to those who had never experienced it. Some players were still crying, some had cried all the tears they had and others sat in silence still processing what just happened.

Ivana picked up on Alexia’s wandering eyes and it didn’t take a genius to realise what or who she was looking for.

“She’s left Alexia” This not only caught the attention of Alexia but the entire locker room “She said she needed to be alone and I couldn’t argue with her. The pressure she faced during this tournament is enough to crush some people and it seemed Caroline breaking up with her was the last straw”

“What did you just say?” Alexia wasn’t sure if she heard the defender correctly.

“The pressure was too much”

“No about Caroline”

“She broke up with Y/N. She didn’t tell me but I think it was the night of the semi final”

Selfishly Alexia wasn’t focused on the fact that you had been dumped. You were now single and now was the time for her to tell you how she really feels. Still, she is torn on what to do. She is a captain of this team and with you gone they need their other captain.

“Go” Misa tells her.

Alexia waits for someone, anyone, to disagree with the goalkeeper but nobody does and that’s enough for Alexia. She thinks fast. You wouldn’t go back to the hotel because that’s where the rest of the team will be very shortly. Australia isn’t a country you knew well so it did narrow it down a little bit. Alexia’s mind is blank until she remembers you posting almost identical photos to your instagram stories of a beach. You always loved the beach so it made sense that is where you would go.

She was right. As Alexia walks down the small hill that leads to the ocean she sees you sitting close to water with your knees pulled up to your chest. Even from a distance she can tell your crying by the way you body is moving.

“It’s all my fault Alexia” you don’t need to face the figure next to you to know who it is. She is the only one that would go against your wishes and truth is you had been hoping she would because in this moment she is the only person you want to see.

“No it’s—“ Alexia wanted to reassure you but the look she received from you told her that it was best not to finish that sentence. 

“It’s not only your fault” she corrects herself but didn’t quite have the affect she desired. 

“Alexia!” 

You fall back onto the sand and turn your focus onto the stars above you. With the ocean at your feet and the universe above you, you couldn’t help but feel small. 

“Spain is going to hate, the team will hate me and you will hate me. Please don’t hate me Alexia, anybody but you” it’s almost a plea. 

“Y/N I could never hate you. I love you” 

This confession had you sitting up right in a matter of seconds. 

“Alexia in a different life maybe we could be happy together but we are not meant to be in this one” 

“Why? I love you Y/N and I know part of you loves me too. I felt it in the quarter final and again in the semi final. Give me one good reason why?”

“We just aren’t. First I loved you and you didn’t love me, then you loved me and I loved Caroline and now you love me and I don’t love myself. Love should be this hard Alexia” 

Alexia had enough. She couldn’t understand why you were so adamant on standing in the way of what could be. 

“Love is hard Y/N but it is also the most rewarding thing in the world. We spend our whole lifetimes trying to find our soulmates. I found mine when I was 15 and it was you, that wasn’t hard” 

“Alexia I don’t know what you want from me. You’ve said this before and look what happened. I gave you my whole heart and you broke it like it was nothing. I don’t think I can do that again” 

“I want to tell you I am in love with you Y/N and I know I’ve hurt you before but that will never happen again. You deserve the world and I want to be the one to give you that” 

You didn’t know what to say but you knew what you wanted to do. You lean forward, cup Alexia’s cheek and kiss her softly. Never had a kiss felt so right, so good. You pull away knowing that maybe you shouldn’t have done what you just did. Alexia on the other hand didn’t share the same belief because that kiss was nowhere near enough for her. 

She leans forward but with enough force to knock you back. She now hovers above you waiting for your permission because in this moment you held all the cards. You reach up and kiss her only for Alexia to take over. You had never experienced a kiss filled with so much love and passion. You didn’t need to listen to what your head was telling you because your body make it crystal clear that you wanted Alexia.  

Her hands began to roam your body and found their way under your shirt. It was getting heated and knew where it was going. You also knew that this couldn’t happen on a beach in Australia. 

You push her off you but when you she the look of sheer panic in Alexia’s eyes you quickly peck her lips to reassure her this is not something you want to stop. 

“I love you Alexia and if I give you a chance, if I give you my heart again, then I need you to promise me that you’ll look after it” 

Alexia stands to her feet and holds her hands out to help to you up. Once at eye level she takes both of your hands in her own. 

“I promise Y/N. I will take care of you. I will protect your heart as if it was my own. I will love you with every fibre of my being. If you give me a chance, I promise I will never hurt you the way I did”

“Ok” your tone is quiet but the smile on your face is wide. 

“Ok?” Alexia asks as if needing a double confirmation. 

“Yes Alexia. I love you and I will give you another chance” 

Alexia couldn’t believe what she was hearing. She really did think that the outcome of this conversation would be different but right now in the moment, even after losing the final, she has never been happier. You had given her the chance to rewrite a wrong from four years ago and she wasn’t going to waste the opportunity.

[glossdebut]

Take a Bite Ch. 1

✧ PAIRING: yoongi x fem!reader

✧ SUMMARY: Your fledgling career as a music journalist is finally going in some kind of direction that must be on the path to success. Your coworkers like you enough to invite you out on Fridays, your boss is starting to think you’re competent enough to let you score a few bylines, and you're finally getting the hang of InDesign. All of your hard work, late nights, and complete lack of a social life are starting to pay off... Even if it all came at the expense of the longest relationship of your life. Fine. You've accepted the fact that romance isn't for you, under any circumstances. You won't risk your career for anybody. Not even Min Yoongi.

✧ TAGS: slow burn, eventual smut, eventual romance, producer yoongi, music journalist reader, neighbors to friends to lovers? you'll see, reader is bad at feelings, reader is post-break up

✧ WARNINGS: social drinking, mechanical bull-related injuries lol

✧ WORDCOUNT: 2.7k so far

✧ STATUS: ongoing

✧ AUTHOR'S NOTE: hi! i'm aqua and this is my first ever fic so please be nice!! i will be crossposting this work and all future works on my ao3 of the same name. i'm figuring out how this works as i go, so please be patient with me. tags are subject to change with every update. i won't have a posting schedule for this one, but i have the first few chapters pre-written, so expect an update sometime next week!

Chapter 1: Lay Your Cards Down, Down, Down, Down

Although this is the furthest thing from your scene, you can’t help but think to yourself that you should invest in some cowboy boots. You could make them work, you’re sure of it.

Even if you know you would never pull the trigger on purchasing any, too far out of the comfort zone of your normal style, the thought is the only thing keeping you sane—that, and the sound of Cowboy Carter blasting through the speakers of the bar, a welcome reprieve from the drawling, boring country anthems you’d been suffering through for the past hour or so. 

You pride yourself on seeing the merit in all genres of music, you do. You were always the type of person who puffed up her chest when you told people ‘I listen to everything,’ uncaring of how pretentious it may sound. You mean it. It’s an asset in your line of work, and as far as you’re concerned, a little bit of pretentiousness is a small price to pay for the, quite frankly, baller route your fledgling career is heading in. 

But a Western bar? Not the kind of place you’d spend a precious Friday night willingly. Another hazard of the job.

After months of skillfully avoiding the weekly Friday nights out with the other rookie reporters at the magazine, you’d run out of excuses not to join them. If four years studying communications taught you anything, it was that connections are everything in the journalism business. Even more so where the music industry is concerned.

So here you are, at your fourth stop of your night of bar hopping with your extroverted and extremely drunk coworkers, nursing warm beer and observing from the least populated corner you managed to scout upon entry. All things considered, you had been a good sport at the three previous stops. You just draw the line at square dancing with the people you work with. College may have beaten your fear of impromptu phone calls and talking to strangers out of you, but your social battery can only take so much. 

Your phone battery, too, you think bitterly as you stare down at the low battery warning on your screen. Okay, so you’ll finish your shitty beer (because you’re not quite successful enough yet to afford wasting alcohol that you’re paying for) and then use your phone’s remaining juice to catch an Uber home. No biggie.

You’re in the middle of turning off your phone with full intent to work out the kinks of your exit strategy when you realize, with irritation, that your chosen corner is about to be invaded.

Your eyes land on a pair of black Dunks ( in a Western bar? your mind supplies, as if you have any room to judge in your Docs) and travel up, past torn black jeans and a black shirt, and just when you’re sensing a theme with this guy, your eyes reach a head of (regrettably, very nice) black hair and a pair of the darkest eyes you’ve ever seen. Anish Kapoor would wail at the sight of these eyes, you think.

As if sensing your apprehension, your corner-thief raises his free hand (the other clutching a plastic cup of his own) palm out, as if to say ‘I come in peace’ and stops in his tracks.

“I can find another spot,” corner-thief says, the low rumbling of his voice barely audible above Texas Hold ‘Em. “I’m just waiting for one of my friends to get bored or injured so I can leave.”

“Injured,” you repeat, despite your better judgment to take him up on his offer and let him be on his way. But your phone is dead and you’re a little bit drunk, bored, and even for an unwanted partner in social evasion, this guy is nicer to look at than the frat guys playing beer pong you’ve been observing for the better part of an hour.

Corner-thief grins a stupidly charming gummy smile, leaning just the slightest bit closer to be heard better but still keeping a respectful distance. As if he’s still wary that you’ll lunge at him if he encroaches on your space any further. Good man.

“There’s a mechanical bull upstairs,” he says, using his index finger on the hand holding his cup to point at the ceiling above you both.

Of course there is. With your luck, you’ll also have to peel someone off of the floor later after going head-to-head with the bull.

“Not your thing?” you guess, glancing pointedly at his Jordans, and he shakes his head, huffing through his nose in what you can only guess is a laugh.

“No, I wouldn’t say so.” 

He pauses, shifting from foot to foot for a moment before speaking again. “So, will you share your wall? I can look around again but this place is more packed than I would’ve pegged it for.”

You nod and he smiles again thankfully, taking the spot on the wall next to you. That should be it. Two strangers who don’t want to be here standing in companiable silence next to each other while they wait for their friends–or coworkers, in your case–to put them out of their misery and let them go home.

But… You consider your options, your phone taking its dying breath in your pocket, and you sigh, turning to him.

“Y/N,” you say, holding out your hand for him to shake. 

He takes it with his free hand, giving you an amused look. “Yoongi.”

“What’s that look for?”

He laughs again, a little bit more this time, and your heart does a stupid, funny thing. “I don’t think I’ve ever been greeted by a pretty girl in a bar with a handshake,” he says, causing you to flush and pull your hand away as if it’d been burned, your shoulders tensing as you take a sip of your beer. 

A western bar certainly isn’t your scene, but admittedly, neither are bars or clubs in general. You got all of that out of your system in college where everyone was awkward as fuck or too drunk to care that you were, and ever since you got your degree you have lived and breathed your work. Your social skills were never quite up to par, but you didn’t realize you were this fucking embarrassing.

“I came out with coworkers right after we got off, so I think I’m still kind of in work mode,” you lie, and as if sensing that you feel slightly made fun of, Yoongi shakes his head.

“I didn’t mean it as a bad thing, swear,” he says, tilting his head at you. Dark eyes considering you. “Honestly, I’m thankful you’re putting up with me at all. I don’t think I’d be so kind if the roles were reversed. I know firsthand how hard it is to find a spot to breathe in places like this.”

You feel your shoulder muscles relax just the slightest bit. “I thought about sending you away, but I couldn’t help it. My heart aches when I see an introvert in need of a hiding spot,” you attempt to joke. 

“At least I’m out with friends,” he says sympathetically. “I’ve done the coworker thing before. It’s a drag.”

“It’s weird ,” you correct. “I mean, I sit in meetings with these people. I avoid answering their emails all day. Why is it considered rude to not want to see them piss drunk?”

Yoongi hums in agreement, nodding his head. “What do you do, anyway?”

“I work for Look Here Magazine,” you reply, straightening up a bit in pride when Yoongi’s eyes flash with recognition, his body turning so his shoulder is against the wall now. You turn as well, facing him. “I write for the music section.”

“No shit? I’ve probably read your stuff, then,” Yoongi says, grinning. 

He’s cute. Hot. You can’t help but notice, no matter how hard you’re trying not to. The way that he seems to carry himself in particular, you think, might end up driving you crazy if you’re exposed to it for too long. Maybe you’ve been living under a rock, but you’ve never met a fellow wallflower that still exuded such confidence. He wears it insanely well.

“Look Here covers a lot of big artists,” you hear him continue. “I’m a little surprised you’re hugging the wall, honestly. This place is nothing compared to music industry parties.”

“Ah, I only started a few months ago,” you admit, looking down into your cup. “Not a lot of bylines yet. I haven’t made it into a room with an artist that big yet.”

“But you want to,” Yoongi guesses, and you nod, looking up to meet his eyes. He looks impressed, impressed by you , and that… does something to you. Huh. “Shit, that’s… That’s really cool.”

“Thanks,” you say. You can feel your cheeks heating up again, and you’re suddenly very eager to turn the attention away from yourself. “What about you? What do you do?”

“Ah,” Yoongi says, fixing his eyes to his cup just as you had a moment ago. “I’m a music producer, actually.”

You perk up at that. So that’s why he reads Look Here, why he seemed so interested when you told him what you do. 

“Anything I’ve heard?” you ask, leaning in like he’s about to tell you a secret. Networking never stops.

He watches as you lean, his mouth turning up at the corners in a smirk. “Probably.” 

You wait for more, but it doesn’t come. Shithead. So much for that.

“You’ve gotta give me more than that,” you say, and god, you can hear the pout in your own voice. Are you that drunk? Flirting for a lead in a story?

“I don’t,” Yoongi says simply, his smirk in full force now. Mean and annoying and hot. He hasn’t leaned away from you yet. “I want to know more about you, actually. Journalism is hard work. I’m surprised you have time to go out like this.”

“Like I said, I was forced.”

“Still. Spending time with your friends or family or partner or whatever must take priority when it comes to your free time.”

Why is he so interested? You scrunch your nose, trying to figure out what he could be fishing for here. You don’t make it a habit to divulge the details of your sad excuse for a personal life to strangers, but the alcohol has loosened your lips. Maybe you need to talk about it. It’s not like you’ll ever see him again, anyway.

“My family is back home. My best friend is this insanely talented playwright. She’s constantly traveling. I see her when she can get some time to fly out.” You take a quick sip of your drink, ignoring the pang in your chest. Sometimes it sneaks up on you, how lonely you are. “Other than her, it’s just me, really. The dating thing… Nobody really seems to get how demanding my job can be, and it always ends in hurt feelings.”

There’s a long pause, and you’re worried you’ve shared too much. You’re enjoying talking to Yoongi. You know it doesn’t matter, that you’ll likely never see him again, but it would really, really suck if his permanent mental image of you ends up being ‘lonely weird drunk girl,’ even if that’s what you are. You force yourself to look up at him. The look in his eyes makes your heart flip stupidly again.

“I get that,” he says, and his voice is soft, barely audible over the music filling the space. You’re reading his lips more than anything, honestly, and you don’t let yourself look at them for too long. He may be pretty—unbearably so, you’re realizing—but he’s a stranger. A mean, annoying, hot, pretty stranger, but a stranger nonetheless. Every guy says he gets it. This needs to stay what it is, you think. Momentary companionship between introverts who would rather die than square dance.

You don’t get much time to agonize over it. Whatever is going on between you and Yoongi is intercepted quickly by his phone buzzing in his pocket and his responding grimace when he pulls it out to check it.

“Namjoon fell off of the mechanical bull,” he says, like he’s completely unsurprised by that news. He downs the rest of his drink and pockets his phone again, pushing off of the wall. “I’ve gotta deal with that.”

You nod, pulling what you hope is a sympathetic face. “Good luck.”

His bottom lip catches between his teeth, and you hold your breath. He looks like he wants to say something, torn between rushing upstairs to save his friend and staying, just for a moment.

You think you know what he wants to say, think foolishly that maybe he wants to ask for your number, and you honestly don’t know if you’d give it to him if he did. You’re so used to saying no.

He runs his fingers through his hair, opens his mouth to speak, and then he looks down like his phone is buzzing again. When he looks back up, it seems like he’s thought better of it.

“Thanks for sharing your wall,” he settles on, smiling congenially. You smile back, and then he’s heading towards the stairs.

Good, you think. You know better. If he really gets it, he does too.

★ ★ ★

You’re dragged out to one more bar before you finally make it home, your interaction with Yoongi having knocked you off-kilter enough to agree to a few more drinks.

It does wonders for your social status at work, you’re sure, but by the time you’re dropped off you’re dizzy-drunk, fighting to stay upright in the elevator of your apartment building.

You’re fumbling and failing at getting your key into the lock of your front door, tongue poking out of the corner of your mouth in concentration, when a voice calling your name a few feet to your right almost makes you jump out of your skin.

You yell, clutching your chest, and when you turn to face the owner of the voice that almost made you lose the contents of your stomach on your doormat, you’re greeted by none other than corner-thief-mean-annoying-hot-pretty Yoongi himself, leaning against the door to the apartment two doors down.

“What the fuck,” you blurt out dumbly, and he laughs. At you! How dare he stand there, lean there, all hot and annoying and in your apartment building for some fucking reason and laugh at you.

“I was going to ask if you needed help,” he says, and oh, fuck. You were safe from just how deep his voice was under the thrum of the music at the bar, but in the quiet of your apartment building this late, you can hear it just fine. Feel it, even. Feel it in places you do not want to humor right now. “I’m going to take a wild guess and say you do.”

It’s obvious that Yoongi is faring much better than you are, although his night clearly didn’t end after the mechanical bull incident. Faster than you can react, he’s right in front of you, gently taking your key from your hands and turning it in the lock, like it’s easy.

“Gonna make it in okay?” he asks, looking down at you. You force your brain to make words.

“I’ll be okay,” you assure him, your tongue heavy in your mouth. “Are you stalking me?”

He huffs a laugh, shaking his head. “I think we’re neighbors.”

“Oh.” Oh. Okay. That’s fine. Just because he’s your neighbor doesn’t mean you have to do something stupid, like see him ever again.

“Give me your number,” he says softly. Oh.

You blink at him, and he grins. Gummy smile. You feel like you’re going to vomit all over his Jordans.

“In case you ever can’t use your keys again,” he clarifies. “I told you, those music industry parties are killer.”

And really, you’re powerless to resist. You give him your number, using all of your remaining brain power to remember the order of the digits. Seemingly satisfied, Yoongi pockets his phone and steps back, heading back to his front door.

“Goodnight, neighbor,” he says, unlocking his door with ease. “Sleep on your side.”

You swallow thickly and nod, slipping inside your own apartment as quickly as you can manage. 

Once you’re in, you sink onto the floor, your back pressed against the door behind you. Your cat, perched on your coffee pot, stares at you in your drunk, flustered state, unimpressed. Offended, even, judging by the way she licks her paw.

You’re so fucked.

✧ shoot me a reply or an ask if you enjoyed this chapter! feedback is always appreciated <3 join my taglist if you want to be tagged in future chapters!

PREVIOUS CHAPTER ✧ MASTERLIST ✧ NEXT CHAPTER

[justallmyfantasies]

been on tour for too long

the only thing keeping you sane whilst he was gone was his music.

contains: 18+ smut. (unprotected piv, oral (f receiving) praise, teasing. i think that’s all)

word count: 4.4k

MINORS DONT INTERACT

the room felt dark with only the sounds of music coming from the record player in the corner of the room. it was placed on a dark wood table with records in the storage underneath. you were playing one of his records, the one he’d recently published. you missed his voice, his face and everything of him.

alex had been on tour for months, not seeing you at all. you both came to the agreement that you had to focus on your work instead of going out, flying to each venue to watch him play. you hated it, he hated it. it wasn’t ideal, although you had called him each night without fail. it still wasn’t enough. you wanted him back in your arms.

you fidgeted with a lock of hair that was in your hand, braiding it slightly then undoing it. the sound of a new song playing entered your ear.

just as the music started playing, a soft knock could be heard at the front door. it was late, a bit too late for visitors. curious, you stopped braiding your hair, the braid just hanging in your hand as the knock rang again, a little louder this time, yet still soft. it was hesitant somehow.

after debating in your mind for a few moments whether to answer or ignore it, you decided to check who it was. placing the incomplete braid somewhere to one side, you stood up and walked to the front door. it was quiet in the hallway, only the soft music that filled the room still being heard. the knock rang again. louder this time.

as you approached the door, you could feel your heart starting to beat faster. you weren't sure why, it was probably just a neighbor or someone asking for something. you weren't in danger - at least that's what you told yourself. taking a deep breath, you reached out, grasping the cold doorknob and twisting it. slowly, the door opened, its hinges releasing a creak.

as the door opened, a small gust of wind brushed past you, causing a shiver to run down your spine. however, that wasn't what caught your attention. your eyes widened as they fell on what was visible through the half-opened door. there was someone standing there, a familiar face that you hadn't seen in months.

it was alex. he was leaning against the doorframe, one hand holding onto his luggage, the other resting in his pocket. his head was tilted, a subtle smile playing on his lips as he looked at you. he looked tired, bags underneath his eyes, but still handsome as ever.

at that moment, all your worries and the ache inside you seemed to disappear in the blink of an eye. seeing him there, standing in front of you after so many months felt surreal. you couldn't help but smile widely, your heart fluttering in your chest.

his smile widened as he saw your reaction, his eyes filled with a mix of exhaustion and adoration. taking a step closer, he spoke, his voice gentle yet rough from the travel. "did you miss me, doll?"

a rush of emotions coursed through you. hearing his voice again, that pet name, the nickname that only he could call you, it was almost overwhelming. "missed you?" you repeated, closing the distance between you both. "i've been going crazy without you, baby."

his arms encircled you in a tight embrace, pulling you close to his chest. he buried his face in the crook of your neck, taking a deep breath as he held you. "i know, i know..." he murmured against your skin. "it's been tough on me too, love."

his words were like a soothing balm to your soul. just being in his arms felt like coming home. you clung to him, relishing the feel of his body against yours, the feel of his heartbeat against your chest. you inhaled deeply, taking in his scent - a familiar mix of cologne and sweat. "you're back early," you mumbled into his shoulder. "not that i'm complaining."

he pulled back slightly, just enough to look at you. his eyes roamed over your features as if he was trying to memorize every inch of your face. "yeah, the manager moved some things around," he said, his hand coming up to brush a strand of hair from your face. "wanted to surprise you."

your heart fluttered at his words. he had come back early just to surprise you. you smiled, eyes tracing the sharp features of his face. "what’s going on with the beard, hm?" you teased lightly.

he chuckled, the sound rumbling in his chest. "ah," he replied, using his free hand to scratch at the scruff on his jaw. "thought i’d try something new. you don’t like it?" he asked, raising an eyebrow at you, a hint of amusement in his eyes.

you reached out, running your fingers over the rough texture of his unshaven chin. the new look suited him, made him appear more rugged and mature. "i didn’t say that," you said, feigning nonchalance. "just takes some getting used to, that's all." you then ushered him inside.

he chuckled again, the corners of his eyes crinkling. he stepped inside, closing the door behind him as you led him into the living room. he dropped his luggage by the door as he followed you, his gaze shifting around the room, falling upon the record player.

"you’ve been listening to my record," he observed, a hint of pride in his voice. he walked over to the record player, picking up the cover of the vinyl that was playing. he looked at it for a moment before glancing back at you.

you shrugged. "had to, didn’t i?" you replied, a smile playing on your lips. you loved listening to his music – the lyrics that he had penned, the emotions that he poured into each song. it was comforting, like having a piece of him with you at all times.

“anyway, do you want anything to eat?”

he set the vinyl back down, turning to face you. "no, I’m okay," he said, his gaze locking onto yours.

“anything to drink?” you asked, once more.

he shook his head again. "i’m fine, love." he assured, the exhaustion in his eyes replaced by a different kind of heat. he slowly stalked closer to you, his steps measured and purposeful.

you stared at him. “well, we can always just go to bed. you look tired.”

he reached out, cupping your cheeks between his hands. his thumbs gently traced your jawline. "i am tired," he admitted, leaning down closer. "but i’m not that tired." his voice had dropped to a lower register, that familiar huskiness that sent a shiver down your spine.

“right but-“

he didn’t let you finish, his lips coming down to capture yours in a deep kiss. his mouth moved against yours with a feverish intensity, his tongue seeking entry, his hands moving down to your hips, pulling you flush against his body.

the kiss was a storm, wild and passionate. his hands roamed over your body, touching you as if he was starved for contact. a low groan rose from his throat, reverberating against your lips. he was hungry, desperate, and you could feel the pent-up desire in his every touch.

you wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling him closer. your fingers tangled in his hair, the once-neat strands now disheveled from travel and your eager touch. the kiss swallowed any protests you might have had earlier, replacing your thoughts with the sheer need for him.

he broke the kiss, his lips moving down your jawline, tracing a path to your neck. his breath was hot against your skin, his kisses becoming rougher, more possessive, as he found that sensitive spot near your collarbone that always sent electricity coursing through you.

you giggled a bit. “alex!” the feeling of harshness coming from his beard scraping across your face made it tickle. “that tickles.”

he pulled back slightly, a cocky smile on his face. "does it?" he asked, his lips curving into a smirk. he then proceeded to bury his face in the crook of your neck again, his beard deliberately rubbing against your skin, causing another bout of giggles to escape your lips.

he continued his assault, the rough bristles of his new beard creating a new kind of sensation as he nipped and kissed your skin. his hands traveled down again, palming your ass, pulling you even closer, his body pressed fully against yours.

“you’re evil,” you manage to say, the words coming out as a gasp between giggles. he had moved to that spot behind your ear, his lips and facial hair creating a maddening mixture of ticklish and pleasurable sensations. you couldn’t help but arch into his touch, heat pooling in your core.

he chuckled against your skin, a low, throaty chuckle that sent vibrations through your body. "i’m evil, hm?" he repeated, his mouth moving back to yours, capturing your lips in a hot, open-mouthed kiss. his hands squeezed your ass, pulling you even closer to him, grinding his hips against yours, showing you just how much he wanted you.

he tasted like whiskey and something distinctly him, and you responded in kind, your body molding against his. your fingers dug into his shoulders, wanting desperately to get closer, to feel more of him, all of him after being apart for so long. the kiss was frenzied, fueled by months of separation and pent-up longing.

he finally pulled back, breaking the kiss with a gasp, his eyes darkened with obvious lust. his hands were still clutching onto you, keeping you close like he was afraid you’d disappear if he let go. he panted slightly, his breath hot against your skin. “bedroom.” he said, his voice a low rumble filled with desire.

you nodded, not trusting yourself to speak. the heat of his gaze, the desire in his voice had robbed you of the ability to form a coherent response. without a word, you grabbed his hand and led him towards the bedroom.

as you led him down the hallway, he laced his fingers with yours, his grip firm. you could feel his eyes on your back – his gaze like a physical weight, a reminder of the heat he had ignited within you. the walk to the bedroom felt like an eternity, each step heightening the anticipation building inside you.

by the time you reached the bedroom, your heart was pounding in your chest, your breathing coming out in shallow gasps. he followed you into the room, shutting the door behind him. the click of the latch was the only sound in the room, except for the soft whirring of the ceiling fan and the faint sound of his ragged breathing.

he stepped up behind you, his chest against your back, his hands sliding around your waist, pulling you against him once more. his lips found your ear, and he whispered, his voice a rough, urgent plea. "i need you, doll. i need you so badly."

the words, coupled with the possessive way his body was pressed against yours, sent a shiver down your spine, heat pooling in your core. you leaned into him, tilting your head to grant him better access to your neck. "i’m right here." you managed to say, your voice betraying your own desire.

he took the invitation, his lips finding your neck again, his tongue tracing a path up to your ear. his hands moved under your shirt, his fingers roaming over your skin, leaving a trail of fire in their wake. "you don’t know," he murmured, his voice low and gruff, "how many times i thought about this, how many nights i spent alone in a cold hotel bed."

his words were like fuel to the fire that was burning inside you. you arched into him, your body responding to the touch and the proximity of his body against yours. his hands moved up, finding the edge of your bra, and you could hear his breath hitch as his fingers grazed the lace.

he tugged at the fabric, a wordless request, and you obliged, allowing him to pull off your shirt and bra in one swift movement. he tossed them aside, his eyes raking over your exposed flesh. "god, i missed you so much.” he said, his voice thick with longing and need.

his hands returned to your body, his touch more urgent, more desperate. he span you around to face him, his eyes burning into yours as he pushed you backwards until your legs hit the bed. his hands were on your hips, holding you steady as he lowered you onto the mattress.

he followed you down, his body covering yours, his weight pressing you into the sheets. he captured your lips once more, his kisses hungry and demanding. his hands roamed all over your body, relearning every contour, every contour of your skin, as if he wanted to commit it to memory.

his beard grazed your skin, creating a new kind of friction as he nipped and sucked at your neck. his mouth traveled down, leaving a trail of wet kisses along your collarbone, your chest, his destination clear.

his hands found the waistband of your pants, tugging at the fabric. you lifted your hips, allowing him to pull them down and discard them somewhere on the floor. he settled back down between your legs, his body pressed flush against yours. you could feel how much he wanted you, how much he needed you, and the fact only served to heighten your own desire.

he continued his journey south, his mouth hot against your skin, his tongue tracing a path down your stomach, pausing here and there to leave a mark, as if marking you as his own. his hands, meanwhile, continued their exploration, mapping out every inch of you, making you shiver under his touch.

his hands were on your inner thighs now, pushing them apart, making room for him. he paused for a moment, his eyes finding yours, dark with lust, almost feral. "i need to taste you," he growled, his voice ragged. "oh fuck."

his words, the heat in his gaze, sent a fresh wave of desire through you. a moan escaped your lips, your body arching in anticipation. you were his, completely, willingly, and you let him know it. "please," you gasped, your own voice shaking with need, "please, alex."

he didn't need any further encouragement. his mouth was on you, tasting you, savoring you, as his tongue flicked over the sensitive bundle of nerves, you cried out, your hands gripping the sheets as pleasure shot through you like electricity. his hands were on your thighs, keeping them apart, his mouth working relentlessly.

"alex," you gasped, your body arching involuntarily as you tried to get closer yet away from the intense sensations he was causing. it was too much, yet not enough all at once. "alex, i can't- i-"

he seemed to understand. he pulled back slightly, his hands still holding your thighs in a firm grip, anchoring you to the bed. he looked up at you, his eyes meeting yours, his beard glistening with your essence. "you okay, baby?”

you nodded, managing a shaky exhale of air. "i just... it's just... a lot," you managed to say, your voice wavering. "in a good way," you added, quickly, not wanting him to stop.

he smiled, the sight of you, a trembling mess underneath him, giving him a boost of confidence. "it’s okay" he said, there was a hint of tenderness in his tone as well. "are you okay to continue?"

you swallowed, nodded again, unable to form coherent words. "yes," you whispered, your voice barely more than a gasp "yes, please. need you more than ever."

he chuckled softly, the sound sending a vibration through you, and then he was back at your core, his mouth working with renewed fervor. the moans and gasps falling from your lips became more frequent, more desperate. your hands found their way into his hair, fingernails scraping against his scalp, trying to pull him closer.

the combination of his mouth on you, his beard against your thighs, was driving you insane. you were close, so close. it was as if all sense of time, space, everything that didn’t involve him and what he was doing to you, didn’t exist. "fuck, alex." you said, your voice urgent, "alex, i’m gonna.."

his name was a desperate plea on your lips. you were hovering on the edge, just a few more seconds, a little more pressure, and you would fall over completely. "please," you begged, your words a mixture of need and desperation. you were so close, right on the brink.

he seemed to sense that you were about to fall over the edge. he redoubled his efforts, his tongue moving with a purpose, his hands gripping your thighs, holding you steady. the sound of your ragged breathing, the gasps and moans, the way you were writhing under his touch, was like music to his ears.

and then you were spiraling, tumbling over the edge into ecstasy. your body convulsed as pleasure washed over you in waves, your hands clenching in his hair, your back arching off the bed. he stayed where he was, tasting every bit of you, prolonging your orgasm until you were trembling, completely spent. slowly, he pulled back, his eyes meeting yours, the smirk on his face showing pride.

your breathing was heavy, your body boneless and spent. you looked at him, his face shiny with your essence, his eyes darkened with a mixture of lust and tenderness. it was too much, and yet not enough. you wanted more, needed more of him. "alex," you said, your voice hoarse, “i need more of you, please...”

he didn’t need any more prompting. he moved up your body, his hands on either side of your head, caging you in. his lips found yours, kissing you deeply, passionately, letting you taste yourself on his tongue. his hand suddenly moved, falling to his pants to unbuckle the belt, letting it fall to the floor. his pants falling after.

he was above you now, the only barrier between you a thin layer of fabric. he was hard, his need for you painfully apparent, and you knew he needed release as much as you did. your hands came up to touch him, running over his length through the thin fabric of boxer shorts.

"ah fuck, baby." he groaned, his voice gravelly as he broke the kiss. he was panting, his body trembling with restraint. "i’m not gonna be..” he didn’t finish the sentence, instead letting out a guttural moan as your hand squeezed him.

you could sense his need, his desperation for release, and you wanted to give it to him. you tugged at the waistband of his boxer shorts, wordlessly telling him to remove them. he let out a shaky breath but obliged your silent request, pulling them down and discarding them somewhere on the floor.

he was bare now, his body pressed against yours, nothing separating you. his erection was hot and hard against your thigh, the feel of it making you shiver. he was looking into your eyes, his expression a mix of desire and vulnerability. "oh fuck," he said again, his voice a ragged plea.

the plea in his voice, the way he was looking at you, it was your undoing. you shifted, parting your legs to allow him access. your hands went to his shoulders, your nails digging into his skin. “please,” you echoed, your voice shaky and urgent, “please, i need you inside.”

he didn’t need to be told twice. he shifted, aligning his body with yours, his eyes never leaving yours. his hips moved slightly, the tip brushed against your entrance, and you both gasped at the contact. he paused, his breathing labored, his eyes searching your face, seeking reassurance.

he pushed inside you, his hips snapping forward with an urgency that mirrored your own need. you cried out, your body arching to meet his, your hands clutching at his shoulders as if anchoring you to reality. he was bigger than you remembered, filling you completely, and it was almost too much but not enough.

he began to move, a slow, steady rhythm that felt like both a torment and a blessing. his arms bracketed your head, his body pressing into yours with each thrust. you were both gasping, your breaths coming out in ragged pants, your bodies slick with sweat, the room filled with the sound of skin on skin. "fuck, you’re doing so good." he groaned, his voice thick with lust and need.

"i've missed this, missed you. you feel so good..." his words were punctuated with harder thrusts, his pace picking up slightly, driving you both closer to the edge. your hands were everywhere, running over his back, through his hair, clawing at his arms, desperate for something to hold onto, to tether you to this moment.

his mouth found yours again, kissing you passionately, his tongue mimicking the motion of his hips. it was all you could do to hold on, to keep up with him, to not get lost in the sea of sensations that was building up inside you.

he was everywhere, surrounding you, filling you, overtaking you. his scent, his touch, the sound of his heavy breathing in your ear, it was all too much, and yet not enough. you wanted more, needed more. you found yourself meeting his every thrust, your body arching off the bed to get deeper, closer, impossibly close.

his hands were on your hips, holding you in place, his grip tight and almost bruising. your name was a repeated mantra on his lips, his voice ragged, filled with need and desire. "baby," he groaned, his pace becoming faster, more urgent, "i’m close, so fuckin’ close, i need-" he didn’t finish the sentence, his words lost in a low moan that rumbled in his chest.

one hand moved, his thumb finding your clit, applying just enough pressure to send you spiralling. you cried out, your body arching, your nails digging into his skin as pleasure overtook you. it was too much, too intense, the edge of pain and pleasure blurring together until you were unsure of where one began and the other ended.

he continued to move, his body shuddering against yours, his own release imminent. he was muttering something, words you couldn't quite make out, interspersed with broken phrases and gasps. his name was on your lips too, your voice a mixture of pleas and words you wouldn't remember he thrust once more, then twice, and then he was following you over the edge.

his body tensed, his movements becoming erratic, his head buried in the crook of your neck as he came, his breath hot and shaky against your skin. he trembled, his body shuddering with aftershocks of pleasure, his arms holding you tight against him, as if he never wanted to let you go.

for a moment, there was only silence, broken by your shuddering breaths. his body was heavy on yours, but you didn’t mind, relishing the feeling of him so close, skin against skin. he shifted slightly, moving to lie beside you rather than on top of you. he pulled you into his side, his arms wrapping around you in a possessive gesture.

you snuggled against him, tangling your legs with his, your body molding against his. you felt spent, blissfully exhausted, your body heavy and sated. you could hear his heartbeat, steady and strong under your ear. his hand was drawing lazy patterns on your back, both soothing and arousing at once.

"i’ve missed this." you managed, your voice barely above a whisper, he hummed in agreement, the sound more of a growl than anything. he nuzzled his face into your hair, inhaling deeply, as if savoring the scent of your shampoo.

"i think," he said, his voice still slightly ragged, "it's been too long since we last did that."

"yeah," you said, your voice slightly hoarse, "way too long." you laid there in silence for a few minutes, simply enjoying the closeness, the comfort of his body against yours. the room was still warm, the air thick with the scent of sex and sweat.

he was the first to break the silence, his fingers tracing a path down your spine, causing your skin to prickle in response. "you know," he said, his voice a little more steady now, "i missed you a lot while i was gone."

you hummed, lifting your head to look at him. his eyes were still a little hazy, his hair disheveled. he looked so handsome, so vulnerable, it made your chest ache. "i missed you too," you said softly, your hand coming up to trace his jaw.

he caught your hand in his, bringing it to his lips to leave a soft kiss on your knuckles. "i know i don’t say it often,” he said, his voice serious but gentle, “but i love you. more than you could ever know."

you smiled, feeling that now familiar flutter in your heart. "i know," you said, your voice mirroring his seriousness. "i love you too. always."

you leaned in, pressing a kiss to his chest, right above his heart. he groaned softly, his hand coming up to cup the back of your head, keeping you close.

you laid there together, listening to the sound of each other's breathing, the rhythm grounding and soothing. his fingers continued to draw patterns on your skin, lazy and absentminded, as if he couldn't bring himself to stop touching you.

your eyelids were heavy, your body relaxing more and more with every moment. the events of the night, the exhaustion, were catching up to you. you cuddled closer to him, your head tucked under his chin, your body enveloped by his warmth.

he seemed to sense that you were drifting off, his arm tightening slightly around you. "go to sleep, baby," he murmured, his voice soft. "i’ll still be here when you wake up."

you hummed sleepily, not even able to form words. the last thing you remember was the press of his lips against your forehead, and the sound of his murmured endearments as you drifted into sleep.

a/n: i lowkey love this. enjoy it as much as i did writing it

[izurou]

“babe, i swear this isn’t what it looks like.”

tetsurou raises a hand in surrender, shifting his guilt ridden gaze between you, the television illuminating the living room, and the baby girl whom he has resting on his hip.

you went out for a couple hours, a movie and a few drinks with some friends—non alcoholic for you, of course.

the thought of leaving tetsurou to watch your seven month old for the evening, all by himself, is one that would have worried you five years ago—back when responsibilities and parenthood were nothing but words. now, it’s the idea of leaving her with anyone else that bothers you.

he’s done the dinner, bath, and bed routine dozens of times before, more or less without fail. you figured tonight would be no different—feeling nothing but absolute confidence and peace of mind throughout your entire outing.

so, when you return home and see this, you can’t help but wonder what led to it.

“oh, i see,” you mumble as you step forward, easily recognizing the dull tune emanating from the tv as your daughter’s current favourite. “you haven’t kept our daughter up an hour and a half past her bedtime for a…dance party?”

you can hardly call it dancing, his hips are far too stiff for that. still, catching the tail end of his rigid movements, seeing the pure elation on your baby’s face as he bounced her to the music—have you ever had a worry in life? it doesn’t feel like it.

“of course not,” he scoffs, and a look of disgust flashes across his features—as if he’d ever do such a horrible thing. “i put her in her crib, but she wouldn’t stop fussing, figured this would tire her out faster.”

typical tetsurou—just can’t stand when one of his favourite girls is upset.

“and the tiaras? the uh, the tutus?” you wiggle your finger at them, gesturing to the silver crowns on their heads, and the purple tulle sitting atop their pajamas.

your husband’s tutu is clinging to his waist, visibly stretched and causing his black tee to bunch up—and he looks ridiculous, truly, but he also looks exactly how you’d want the father of your child to look on a saturday night.

“well, pardon us for dressing to the occasion,” he grins, smug and sweet all at once as he tilts his head towards the dancing princesses on the tv.

and you get it, you’re not one for leaving her when she cries either—but this tactic is sure to do more harm than good, having her on a schedule is what keeps you sane.

“it’s bedtime,” you order as you reach for your daughter, and she reaches for you too—all smiles and wiggly feet as her tiara and the little plushie she was holding tumble to the floor in unison.

“look at her go,” he chuckles as he bends over to retrieve her belongings, “she wants you to join us, right sweetheart?” he coos at her, and her chubby little arms start to wave up and down.

“tetsurou,” you sigh, and you can see it in his eyes that he knows he shouldn’t push any further—and maybe it’s that precious smile on his little girl’s face, or the tiny tiara cutting off the blood flow to his brain—but he pushes further.

“i know, i know,” he admits, resting his hands on your hips and tugging you a bit closer. “but she’s already up, what’s a few more minutes?”

“you’re a real pain in my ass,” you mutter, leaning into the warmth of his chest as he presses his lips to your forehead, and then your daughter’s.

“but you love me, right?” he stares down at you, with hope and love, and a little apology swirling behind his eyes.

“i do,” you say, “just not in this outfit, princess.”

and your daughter is quiet, eyes fluttering open and closed as she leans against your shoulder, fighting her sleep.

“really? the short skirt isn’t doing it for you?” he asks, holding his hands out and gesturing to himself—short skirt revealing nothing but his plaid pajama pants.

“no, you’re setting a bad example.”

he slaps a hand over his mouth, feigning a look of pure horror before laughing it off and wrapping his arms around you again, careful not to disturb the baby sleeping in your arms.

“well, true love’s kiss will turn me back to normal, won’t it?” he smiles at you, in the dull orange hues of your little living room, and you feel like you’ve never had a worry in your life, ever.

you kiss him. it’s short and sweet, but it’s warm and it feels like home—he feels like home. you flick the flimsy plastic off his head, presumably turning him back to the tetsurou you left your daughter with five hours ago.

“so, i’m the hideous green ogre?” you eye him, curious to see how he’s going to answer such a dangerous question.

“no,” he grins, “just the love of my life.”

[enhaheeseung]

Come back to me - L. HS

Pairing: heeseung X fem reader!

Warnings: angst, crying, mentions of sickness.

WC: 2,199k

Part ten

Masterlist

On his way home from the so-called “date,” heeseung didn’t even try to stop the tears from falling despite them blurring his vision and making it nearly impossible for him to see the road ahead of him.

His chest hurt, and his mind was riddled with thoughts of where to go from here.

He didn’t know what to do without you.

You are his everything, and now that your relationship was coming to an end after so many years of marriage, it was devastating to him.

At the back of his mind, though, he knew he was guilty and didn’t have any right to feel sad or hurt.

But it was so hard not to knowing that this was really the end.

His thoughts were running at the speed of light, and he hadn’t even registered that he reached home.

He mindlessly twisted the key, turned off his engine, and headed upstairs, not bothering to get ready for bed.

He kicked his shoes off and slipped under the covers despite his clothes still having a few drops of rain on them.

He tugged the covers over his head, his hand pitifully reaching for your pillow to hold on to so he could pretend that you were there with him, but nothing could ever replace the feeling of being next to you.

As much as he’d like to forget everything that just took place hours ago, there was one moment that replayed in his mind over and over again.

When he put his arm around you, everything felt right.

After weeks of heartache and pining over you, he was finally able to feel a moment’s peace when he held you.

But even that felt like torture cause now that would be stuck in his mind for days to come, and all he wanted to do was forget he knows it’s not fair to try and run and hide from the pain after causing you so much despair in the past couple of months the least he could do was go through the motions of what you felt.

And that’s what brings him to this conclusion the very hurtful conclusion that he just doesn’t deserve you.

His thoughts started to become irrational just moments later, and he couldn’t help but think he probably didn’t ever deserve you in the first place. You would have been better off with Sunghoon. He always made you happy, or maybe even a different man, anything but him, because he’s not worthy of the five years he had with you.

He cried harder and harder into his pillow, eyes stinging with fresh hot tears, chest aching unbearably, and ultimately, he just felt so tired, so drained and exhausted mentally physically he felt himself shutting down the stress of losing you mixed with work and all the other unhealthy habits he took up while you were away were slowly but surely eating away at him he felt reduced to absolutely nothing as he clutched onto your pillow like it was his lifeline, like it was the only thing keeping him sane and alive.

The ding he hears from his phone only makes him irritated, especially the annoying buzzing that won’t stop vibrating against his thigh, leaving him no choice but to either pick up the phone or take it from his pocket and throw it up against the wall out of frustration, first sunghoon had to be there and ruin all his plans and now not even his phone was giving him a break it’s like the world was laughing in his face and he supposed it had every right to given the fact that at some point karma would be coming around to take its fair share of revenge after the way he treated you.

He slipped his hand into his pocket, reaching for the agitating little square. It had stopped ringing by now, but another ding caused him to sigh in annoyance cause he couldn’t even pine over you in peace.

And again, it’s like the world is laughing in his face when he opens his texts with Jay, only to be met with a picture of the two happily smiling together at a theme park.

“Thanks for the advice. We talked and had a wonderful time together. It was the best day we had in years, and it’s all thanks to you. I owe you big. Anything you need, I’m here.”

He wipes his eyes, clearing his vision so he can reply.

“No need to. That’s what friends are for, and congratulations.”

The lump in his throat hurts even more as he attempts to gulp down the pain, trying his best to be happy for his friend even though he feels like he’s being ripped apart from the inside out.

The three typing dots appear as Jay sends another text.

“Thanks man, how did things turn out with y/n? I was waiting to hear from you.”

Just seeing your name on his screen felt like a thousand little needles pricking him at the same time.

Everything was just so painful.

He powers off his phone not having the energy to reply, and he tries his best to ignore the thoughts of you, but the pain in his heart won’t let him forget, and that’s how his night ends in nothing but tears and sorrowful cries.

-

“What happened?” Sunghoon peeked out of his room after he heard you and Heeseung had finished talking. What could he say? He was curious about your guys development.

“I don’t know. One second, he was fine, and then he just-“ You were cut off by a sudden wave of nausea, and the next thing you knew, you were bolting past Sunghoon and running to the kitchen sink, throwing up everything you just ate and then some.

Sunghoon quickly rushed to your aid, holding your hair and giving you soft pats on your back. “What’s wrong? Are you okay?” He asked worriedly once your little episode seemed to pass.

“I think so.” You nodded and rubbed your tummy softly, your muscles feeling sore after retching.

“Was it something you ate?” He asked, his eyes still holding a hint of worry as he smoothed his palm over your shoulder.

You think back to the dinner you had, and that couldn’t have been it. Besides, food never really made you sick to the point of throwing up unless it was expired or something weird like that.

You shook your head no, wondering why suddenly you felt so lightheaded and anxious. Hoon quickly noticed you were losing your balance and held on to you. “It’s okay, I got you.” he led you to the sofa, sitting you down gently as he grabbed a blanket off the couch to cover your shivering body with. “Are you okay?” He had his palm resting on your knee, eyes staring deep into yours, full of nothing but concern.

“I t-think so,” you muttered, trying to understand why all these feelings just came rushing up on you out of nowhere.

“Okay,” he patted your knee. “Wait here. I’ll pour you a glass of water.” You nodded your head softly as you waited for him to get back. Before he even made it out of the kitchen, you were already asleep on the sofa.

He sighs softly, looking at your curled-up figure, and he doesn’t hesitate to take you to your room and tuck you in for the night. “Feel better soon, y/n.” he kissed the crown of your head, shutting off the main light in your room before he exited and got himself ready for bed.

-

The next morning, you wake up feeling better than last night. The only thing you remember was talking with Heeseung, if you even wanted to call it that, and then getting sick suddenly right after he left.

Deciding it was probably something you ate, you got out of bed without further thought and went to use the bathroom and do your daily routine.

Everything was fine until you were hit with another wave of nausea, and the next thing you know, your head is buried in your toilet bowl as you throw up nothing but bile, your stomach feeling incredibly empty as you flush the toilet and sit in the side of the tub.

You went to lay back down for a little bit, hoping you’d feel better soon. You must have gotten food poisoning or something cause these symptoms were very different from when you’d normally get a stomach ache or flu.

You were scrolling on your phone a bit, trying to distract yourself from thinking about your husband and you groaned in dismay when you got a notification for your upcoming period.

Hopefully, whatever this sickness was would go away before your period came cause you couldn’t deal with both at the same time.

Now that you think about it, you hadn’t gotten your period in a while, which was unusual. “Hmm,” you hum in thought, and as much as you wanted to just assume you had skipped a few months, that never happened before.

Maybe it was all the stress from your marriage that was getting to you and throwing your body off its regular cycle.

Yeah, that’s it you concluded and continued scrolling on your phone.

-

It had been a couple of weeks since heeseung last saw you, but the image of that night was still fresh in his mind, and so was the pain.

He was still tucked away under his covers, unmoving, not eating or drinking, barely getting any sleep, and for sure not going to work. For all practical purposes, he cut himself off from everything except for thoughts of you.

He was lying on your side of the bed, reliving all the moments of you guys smiling together, having fun together, loving each other.

Flashback

“Baby, I’m home,” he chimed from the front door after a long shift at work. All he wanted was to go home and feel your warm, loving hugs.

You ran out of the kitchen, jumping in his arms immediately, and he chuckled, stumbling back against the doorframe as he held onto you tight. “I missed you.” You wrapped your arms around his neck, peppering his face with thousands of little kisses.

“I missed you too, angel,” he giggles when your lips meet his neck, tickling his skin as you cling onto him. Once you were satisfied with the amount of kisses you gave him, you finally released him and let him set you down. “Had such a long day, baby, but I’m so glad it’s over. I was thinking of you all day.” his hands were still on your waist, strumming your sides softly.

“But baby, we talked on the phone, and I even brought you lunch,” you tell him while playing with the little tiny hairs on his nape.

“So? I think about you every second you’re not with me.” he leans down, placing a soft kiss on your lips.

“I think about you all the time, too.” You stood on your tippy toes, nudging his nose before going in for another kiss.

“I love you so much, angel,” he says on your lips before capturing them in another kiss.

“Love you so much more,” he hums in satisfaction as your mouths work in sync with every kiss, nearly taking his breath away as he holds your waist tighter and your hands tangle in his hair. “So much,” you whisper and pull away, watching the way his eyelids flutter open, and he stares at you with nothing but eyes full of love.

His stare makes you shy, and you can’t help but blush. “You’re so cute.” he raises his hand up, booping your nose as you smile at him. “Something smells good.” he turns his head, peeking into the kitchen as if he could see, but you’re both still literally at the front door.

“Oh, I made your favorite!” His smile widens as he brings you into a hug.

“Thank you, angel,” he said, kissing your forehead. “I’m gonna wash up before dinner, okay baby?” You nod your head, but he still doesn’t bother letting you go, opting to stare into your eyes for what feels like an eternity.

“Babe?” You ask him. After a while of his endless staring, you don’t mind, but the food is going to burn if he doesn’t release you from his loving grip.

“Hmm?” He hums as he tucks your hair behind your ear while slowly swaying you back and forth.

“The f-food,” you stutter because this man always made you feel so flustered.

“Okay,” he whispers, a soft smile etching onto his lips before he leans in for another kiss. “Love you.” he rested his forehead on yours, hands still not going anywhere.

“Love you too.” You smile, your hand traveling to his cheek, and he nuzzles his face against it, eyes fluttering closed as he gets lost in your delicate touch.

“I don’t wanna move,” he laughs airily as he drops his hands to his sides. “I’ll be out soon, I promise.” he looks at you with the sweetest eyes you’ve ever seen.

“I’ll hold you to it,” you chuckle as he runs up the stairs, trying to shower as quickly as possible so he can come back down and spend more time with you at dinner.

End of flashback

That’s the last memory on his mind before he falls fast asleep.

Thanks for reading likes comments and reblogs are always appreciated sorry for any typos or errors I hope you all have a good day/night♥️

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[kayluh1915]

psssst, disclaimer…

@swiftllama: *texts me with no context* EVERY BTS THEY GET GAYER AND GAYER

Me after watching said BTS:

It's Ianthony moment breakdown time, BBY!

I know I've been gone for a while but I've really been going through it, y'all. I want to post more from here on out, but I can't make any promises. Executive disfunction and ADHD paralysis sssuuuccckkkkssss.

Anyways, back to our regularly scheduled screamings!

Also, this is from a members only video. If you can, please support Ian and Anthony directly. I do not share content outside of small Ianthony moments like these.

The noise that came out of my mouth was not human in anyway, shape, or form! Anthony has carried Ian like this before, but it was before his departure. Back then they were really stiff and awkward with each other since their friendship was strained, as they have mentioned several times. Now they're super close and don't give a flying fuck and MY HEART CAN'T TAKE IT!

Sam has been keeping me up to date with everything and I just can't believe the timeline we're in. Everything else might be shit, but at least Ian and Anthony are back together and give us moments like these on the weekly! 😭They keep me sane.

ANYWAYS, I made some gifs of the moment because AHHHH and I'm going to break down the little moments that made my fandom heart flutter

Let's get to it!

Right off the bat, Ian very minorly freaks out when Anthony picks him up and immediately grips Anthony's arm. Logically, I know that anyone would grab onto the closest thing on instinct in this situation... but my Ianthony brain is screaming: "AWWW! ANTHONY MAKES HIM FEEL SAFE!!!!!!!"

Okay, my logic brain is calming down now because this gif just confirmed that Ian not only trusts Anthony whole heartedly but also FEELS SAFE! As soon as Anthony reassures him that he won't let him fall Ian relaxes and starts to let go of the death grip he has on Anthony's arm near the end of the gif.

Another demonstration of how much Ian trusts Anthony. He doesn't even flinch when he lifts him up and even has that face he makes that screams: "yeah yeah, we know Mr. Buff." after Anthony comments on how easy it is for him to hold Ian.

DUDE! The way Ian just goes limp after Anthony once again lets him know that he's got him. IT'S SO FUCKING CUTE and, again, is proof of how much he trusts him. He knows Anthony won't drop him and just decides to relax for a second, putting his full weight on Anthony's shoulders. I CANNOT! It's so intimate!!! Ian probably also took notes from Rhett's "I'm Dead" move he pulls on Link which I find hilarious.

Okay, this is my favorite one of this whole gifset. The way Anthony looks back at Ian to make sure he's still comfortable and then smiling to someone about it!?!? BRING AMBERLAMPS! MY HEART HAS STOPPED!

Damn, I needed these two in my life so badly right now. The fact that they pulled THIS SHIT just makes it so much better. I know they've said and done things more damning within the past few months, but I enjoy more intimate moments like these. Yeah, it's for a bit, but it shows just how much Anthony cares for Ian and how much Ian trusts him.

Lord have mercy, I need a nap after all of that. 😮‍💨

[lfghughes]

Jack getting emotional around you for the first time

a/n: i knew the minute i got this that i would probably cry writing this. lol im a total softie.

When you and Jack had first started dating you hadn’t been naive in thinking that things were going to be perfect. It was something that had started during the summer and you knew how important hockey was and how much time he dedicated to the sport but you hadn’t fully prepared yourself for what the season would be like. You had been together for a good handful of months now and the season had started off great, it did suck that your time together had definitely dwindled but things were still pretty good. But then came the losing streak and Jack had grown increasingly more agitated with each loss and you were already upset with the lack of time you got with him so when you did get time with him and he was in a bad mood it only irritated you too. The frustrations grew and there was always some tension between the two of you. Fights were occurring too often and finally you were at the point of just giving up. The timing was horrible, you knew that but it’s not like the timing would get any better. After his game Jack got home and by his quietness you knew it hadn’t been a good one. You hadn’t even bothered looking at the score because instead you had spent your time packing up your clothes. “Why do you have a suitcase made?” Jack asked, the look of confusion on his face as he tried to piece together what was going on. “Jack, this isn’t really working out so I packed up my clothes and I’m going to crash at a friends for a little while.” You two hadn’t been together long so you were used to seeing Jack happy and frustrated but you had never seen the hurt that had flashed across his face. “You’re leaving?” He asked, his voice cracking as he looked at you. “All we do is fight and I figured you’d just be happier if we just did our own thing.” Those words sounded dumb the minute they came out. Why hadn’t you just explained to him how you were feeling beforehand instead of packing up your bags. “This isn’t what I want. I love you, I know things have been tough but I need you.” His voice cracked again and this time you could see the tears forming in his eyes and you knew his words were true. “Jack..” You weren’t even sure what to say but everything that had been clouding your mind the past few weeks now seemed so small as he stood in front of you. He reached out, gently taking your hands in his. “I’m sorry, I’ve been such an asshole lately. I’ll be better, I’ll do better. I promise. But you’re the only thing keeping me sane right now and I can’t do this without you, please.” The tears slipped now from his baby blues and you immediately reached out to hug him, tears slipping from your own eyes. “Baby, it’s okay.. I’m sorry. I should have just talked to you. Shh, baby.” You comforted him. “I’ll stay, I promise.” You whispered to him and you knew you meant it. You didn’t want to be without him either. Jack was worth the good times and the bad times and you hated that it took a blowout like this to make you realize that.

[thatscarletflycatcher]

There's something that has been gnawing at me since I saw some comments on the look-how-they-massacred-them poll for Daniel Sousa -with which I didn't want to engage then and there because I really didn't want to pick up a fight with another Daniel fan, there's few enough of us, but also because the argument was very difficult to articulate.

It is difficult to explain how Daniel Sousa is screwed over by Endgame without making it look like either "he deserved Peggy as a prize" or "he was the perfect prize for Peggy", because it all begins by understanding the experience of WWII and the building of the morale of WWII. Something that Markus and McFeely seemed to perfectly understand in Agent Carter, which inclines me to believe it was specific insistence of the Russos, whose concept of narrative and storytelling is at the level of a belligerent and not very bright 4 year old, that gave us that mindblowingly stupid "happy ending" for Cap and Peggy. Or maybe Markus and McFeely are just arcane creatures, at times intelligent and at times really dumb. Anyways.

Point is that both CATFA and Agent Carter understand that for these characters, fighting WWII is a matter of "each doing their bit", of, as Steve put it in The Avengers, to lay on the barbed wire so the one that comes after you can pass on. And in the process of doing that, you have great loses and suffer great grief. The price of war is immense, and for these people the price of war is the price of freedom (yes, that celebrated Steve speech from CATWS is also sharing in that same spirit. It's kind of impressive how until that awful mess of Endgame, the perspective of Steve as a character from movie to movie is one that addresses how some 1940s things are outdated, but how many others are still relevant and inspiring. It is a surprisingly nuanced take on History, that of course the Russo "Cap is an outdated relic that belongs in the past and should stay there" brothers don't seem to have what's needed to grasp).

In that context, the most coherent tone for Steggy is tragedy. Because that is what happened to many, many, many people during the war. You meet, you fall in love fast, because there is no time. And then suddenly the other is gone, never to come back. And all the promises of youth and life and future the other person represented, are gone with them. People who lived through 2020-2022 have some idea of what it is like for projects, opportunities, and years of your life to just vanish. Now you make that five years, eight months, and to mention "just" the British, 1 out every 100 people live in 1939, dead, and over 350.000 permanently disabled. If you were 20 in 1939, your life would be practically on hold till you were 26. It's a whole lot of grief, and an intense grief, that you don't solve the way you solve a random missing connection in a romcom like Serendipity or The Lake House. Doing so is cheapening and bastardizing the grief and trauma of a whole generation of people in different countries.

So, Agent Carter. Here we have a story focused on a group of people, spies, who, in different fronts and with different outcomes, made it through the war and are now facing this new world they are living in, and all the grief of their respective losses. The focus of the story is Peggy, a woman who, like many others, was allowed a wide range of action during the war, and is now subconsiously perceived as a threat by many of her male coworkers. It's a desperate bid to "go back to the way things were before", and her presence is a constant reminder that they can't.

Sousa occupies a very similar position to Peggy's: he's also a reminder that the war happened and that there is no way back, no magic solution, no pretending. And that's why both are ignored, and displaced, and why both struggle to prove themselves in a subconscious way while living by the continued principle that they are doing their bit. That is their lifeline that keeps them sane and working all throughout s1 of Agent Carter.

That's what we mean when we say Peggy and Sousa are equals, and that Sousa is contented with letting her have the spot; not because he's her inferior or her dependant, but because he's her equal -in intelligence, in ideals, in resourcefulness, in loyalty, but also in their relative positions in the power ladder- and does not feel threatened by her because of it.

(It is in this context, btw, that Peggy's rebuke of Daniel's "rescue" of her in the first episode must be understood. Because she was once treated like any other officer/agent of her same rank, she has knee jerk reactions to both being demeaned and being protected. It's also an important theme of that beginning of the series that Peggy needs to learn to let her friends in, and that she needs their help, and that that doesn't make her too weak to protect and defend them.)

But also, in another way, when we talk about Sousa becoming Peggy's husband, it has to do with the sentiment Krezminsky expresses in the series:

The ship of Steggy had sailed and was gone forever since the moment Steve became the legend in the ice and Peggy "Cap's Girl", this embodiment of the ridiculous damsel in distress we hear in the radio drama that plays on one of the episodes: Peggy fell in love with Steve when he was a scrawny, sickly lad, because she loved the man he was inside, but now forever for the world she is just another superficial, weak girl lusting after the handsome godlike rescuer, the picture of the eugenic dream of the übermensch. In Daniel Peggy loves and finds all the same things she found and loved in Steve, but in a different light, because Sousa is a different person, with a different life story, plus something else: they have both gone through war and its loss and grief, and come to the other side in need of rebuilding and finding new meaning in life and hope for the future.

In a world where the Dark, Tall and Handsome Hero of the Six Pack, Alpha Dominance and Endless Stamina reigns supreme, Sousa as a love interest is a remarkable and -sadly- bold statement about the things that truly matter in finding one's life partner.

So I think here is a reasonable point to start talking about Sousa in Agents of SHIELD. Because here's where someone would rationally say "well, but you see, there he's also chosen as a love interest!", and the reasons why context in AoS changes everything are multiple, so let's go there.

But before that, let me make clear that I do wholeheartedly believe the writers of AoS meant to honor Sousa, and sincerely tried to do their best with what they were given. That doesn't change what the end product ended up doing and saying about him.

Like Peggy is the main character of Agent Carter, so Daisy is the main character of Agents of SHIELD. As much as you can say all the team characters are important and get the focus, Daisy is the one which the narrative insists on making the focal point, as the arcs of several seasons hinge on her, and we are expected to sympathize with her first and foremost in any situation in which she is personally involved. But unlike Peggy, Daisy is a superpowered individual. She's more like Steve than Peggy; she's practically a demigod. She is capable of ripping Earth apart with just her hands. Where Peggy and Sousa were equals in the power ladder in-universe, in AoS the distance between Daisy and Sousa is abysmal. That imbalance is the first thing that leads to Sousa being put in the position of Daisy's Boy. The fact that he ends up in space with Daisy's last minute sister who is ALSO an inhuman does not help things.

As a side note, there's something to be said about futuristic prosthetics in AoS and how they interesect with disability. But I'd rather not get into it because it is a thorny subject and I don't feel qualified to speak of it.

In a different way, Daniel being Peggy's love interest in Agent Carter is balanced out by his having a life of his own and many interactions with other characters throughout the series. He pursues his own lines of investigation, he conducts interrogations of his own, he comes up with plans, he teams up with Krezminsky and with Thompson and in s2 he has downright made a life for himself as chief in California with a fiancé and all. There is a clear sense that he exists as a character outside of pining for Peggy.

In AoS, the opposite happens. Part of it is owed to the writers writing themselves into a corner: to take Sousa out of his timeline, they have to do it in such a way that his disappearance is inconspicuous, which means killing him. They do it the best way they can think of, honoring his alertness and intelligence, by making him realize HYDRA is infiltrated in SHIELD decades before anyone else does. But as a consequence, Sousa becomes the man out of time: there's no future for him, because he has died, and unlike Steve, he's not being brought back because he himself is required. They just save him because they take pity on him and the tragedy of his life. So he has no mission and no significant previous connection with anyone on the team. One of the concrete things in which this is evidenced the most is with the switch from being addressed as chief Sousa to Agent Sousa. He was chief, but between that SHIELD and this SHIELD there's not such a connection by which he can claim that title. There's no subordinates to manage. So he's sort of default-called agent without really being a proper agent.

So the writers choose the fish-out-of-water concept for him. Which is far fetched. This guy lived through wwii in a high spy setting where intelligence has knowledge of powerful interstellar aliens. He's most definitely not bewildered by phone cameras, guys. He would quickly adapt... if, again, you know, he was brought back for a mission. But the reality is that from a Doylist POV, he was brought in to be Daisy's love interest, and the only thing he can offer to her, in this huge power imbalance I have pointed out, is chivalrous manners and quaint WWII style references like when he tells her "Agent Johnson, we are going home"; both can be very charming to a modern woman, but they are things that highlight the cultural and psychological distances that separate them, and make it glaringly obvious that they have barely anything in common.

The series tries desperately to give them common ground in the time-loop episode, with this idea that Daisy is like Peggy because she sacrifices herself for others and to protect others all the time. Which is laughable because, again, in Daisy's condition of beloved main character that embodies the tortured, quasi byronic heroine that we understand to be the hallmark of about one half of the contemporary superhero type, the narrative and the characters in it bend all sorts of ways to accommodate her, not the other way around. Peggy's type is different because it is rooted in that WWII morale/frame I was talking about at the beginning of the post.

As a consequence of all of this, Sousa barely interacts with anyone that isn't Daisy (he has of personal scenes, what? one or two with Coulson, the scene where Jemma gives him a new prosthetic, and then he's given an idea to give to Mac in the finale. I don't remember any other non-Daisy ones), has no unique role to fulfill in the mission (specially because so much of the plan is entwined in Fitz and Jemma's rescue plan that was NOT counting with Sousa) and no personal goal to achieve, which weakens his standing as a character outside the romance plot, and when it comes to the romance plot, he has nothing in common with Daisy, and he brings nothing to the partnership other than... narratively forced love, and chivalrousness.

In the end, Daniel, who was a character and a person of relevance in Agent Carter, is nerfed and turned into a prop for the rushed happily ever after of the main character of AoS. And that, in my books, is being screwed over. That's what makes his becoming Peggy's husband and building a life and a future with her a much better and more preferable outcome for Daniel; he gets to build a life of meaning by his own significant work and significant connections, in his own time and place, with a wife who is his equal and with other people that have lived through the same collective experiences of trauma and grief he did.

[ninyard]

Hey hey hey now I’m just trying to have a peaceful study break and now you have me crying over the idea of Aaron having a ptsd flashback while trying to free one of his kids from a bathroom with a busted lock

I thought you were gonna go the route of him remembering Andrew locking him in the bathroom to get him clean and then where you actually went hit me right in the feels

I can see him busting his kid out of the bathroom and maybe hugging them a little to tight afterwards but he keeps it together he waits until later when they’re both in bed and Kaitlyn is still at work he sits alone in their living he tense, restless, can’t sit still. Finally he goes upstairs and slides down the wall to sit on the floor across the hall from the broken door just so he can see that what he’s seeing in his head isn’t actually on the other side of it. Then he pulls his phone out and calls Andrew. He probably doesn’t say anything but Andrew in typical andrew fashion somehow knows exactly what’s wrong and says one of his incredibly on point one liners that perfectly lays out the issue and the solution all in one and Aaron just sits there and listens to Andrew breathe on the other end of the call until he convinces himself that they’re ok. They’re all ok now. Then Kaitlyn gets home so he hangs up and goes and hugs his wife and they like meal plan for the rest of the week or review HOA meeting notes or do some other mind numbingly dull suburbia task and then he’s ok again

Until they go to a sporting event and one of the twins gets lost in the crowd and suddenly he’s on the bus in Binghamton…

A few folks seem to have expected that that post was going in the direction of "Aaron getting locked in the bathroom by Andrew trauma" and not the other option.

Katelyn coming home and it's late because her shift ran way over and she comes into the bedroom because he hasn't been able to sleep - she puts her bag down, she gets changed, she joins him under the covers and once she'd kissed him she has that look on her face before she asks, "What happened to the bathroom door?"

She listens. She tells him they can fix it tomorrow. They can figure out the logistics of it at a more reasonable time. Are the girls okay? Are you okay?

He's made sure that Andrew's okay. The kids are okay, they're sleeping. He's okay, he thinks. He will be, at least.

But he thinks of the splintering wood, he thinks about Andrew's face, his laugh, he thinks about Neil. He hates that he thinks about Neil. Katelyn does what Katelyn does and she makes him feel heard, she makes him feel loved and listened to, she brings him back to earth and holds him until he falls asleep. And even when he wakes up in a cold sweat for the first time in months, she wakes up with him, and holds him close until his breathing calms and he drifts off again.

I was talking about this a little bit yesterday - about Aaron being triggered by things, no matter how far away from PSU he gets, no matter how normal his life becomes. but Katelyn is an angel, she makes him feel sane when he feels like he's losing his mind. She never blames him when he feels triggered or scared, she protects the kids from him when he struggles to keep it in.

But he sees himself and Andrew in those two girls - when they argue, when they're best friends, when they're at that game and one of them goes missing. It's hard to keep it together at times like that. When all he sees is her sister, calling her twins name, he sees Andrew in her face, searching the crowd.

Once again this is just another post where I'm not sure where I'm going with it, but Aaron seeing himself and his brother in his kids, Aaron seeing parts of his past in his day to day life. It's not often, it's not all the time, but every once in a while he can't help it.

But at least afterwards they can plan a grocery shop. Or pay some bills, budget for their next payday. At least his kids knows he loves them, and they're never scared for themselves. If he scares them, they're scared of dad, they're scared because they don't know why he's breathing like that or looking around the room like he can't focus on anything. If they're scared of him, they're scared because they don't understand. Not because they're scared of what he might do to them. At least he's different. At least he has Katelyn, and he loves his kids. At least he cares.

[dazedkook]

adore you

pairings: wolf hybrid jungkook x bunny hybrid oc

warnings: pseudo incest (oc is adopted), softdom jungkook, masturbation (f), kissing, nipple play, slight penetration

[unedited]

growing up with jeon jungkook has been one of the most beautiful moments in your life, he's your favourite person on earth. although, you spend a good 12 years thinking that he is your biological brother. you never realise the differences in between you and his family until you learn about genetics in science class. later did you know that it was his mother's idea to adopt you from the orphanage. the jeons family loves volunteering and mrs jeon quickly grows fond of you so they decided bring you home. to her suprise, jungkook is very gentle and loving around you.

jungkook has always been your number one supporter. despite the age gap of four years with him, he will never get tired of spending his time with you. jungkook remembers when he was 10, his friends made fun of him for still playing doll house with you, he doesn't give a fuck. he secretly loves combing the doll's hair and enjoys decorating the house. he also encourages you to eat vegetables (which is funny because he never met a bunny hybrid that absolutely despise the greens). finally, you could never thank him enough for assisting you through school. despite being busy with his senior year and sports, he tries his best to help you and make sure you're on top of your studies too. many years later and jungkook had successfully established himself as a successful young lawyer. he resides in a fancy apartment while you just started university. of course, like a good doting brother, he lets you to live with him instead of the crappy dormitory.

jungkook types in his house's key and expects to see you in the study room or living room, instead he sees you running around in your room. it's 7pm and you're frantically searching a pair of socks to match your loafers.

"bunny, where are you going?" a frown appears on jungkook's pretty face as he takes the socks from your hands and he kneels down to put it on you. he can’t help but to stare a little bit longer before putting it on. jungkook admits that he loves touching your hands and feet, he loves to compare it with his size.

"ah, i forgot to tell you! soobin invited me to his birthday party!" he looks up when he hears the name, he remembers him. choi soobin is the bunny hybrid who happens to be your best friend since grade school and he isn’t surprised to learn that he is majoring in the same program like yours.

"do you think he'll like his gift? i got him a-" you don't even get to finish your sentence when his hands lay on your thighs, he takes a deep breath before forcing a smile. see, jungkook tries his best to be calm but how can he stays sane when you've been spending too much time with this boy?

ever since he was younger, he has always hated when he overhears the mothers around the neighbourhood joke around about how you’ll end up being mated to the choi’s youngest child. he remembers getting into a serious arguement with his mother when he finds out that soobin is arranged to be your first heat partner. much to his delight, you haven’t had your first heat yet.

"ooh, how was your day?" you fiddle along with his long hair and gently rub his greyish ears that sit on top of his head. he can't hide the smile on his face and pulls you to his lap before you quickly lean on to his neck to take a whiff of his musky scent. he chuckles seeing your new habit.

for the past few months, he notices that you like to smell him more frequent, sneak into his bed almost every night, and steals his things to keep inside your room. strangely, you never think much on how his scent make you feel cloudy but brings you comfort at the same time.

"hmm, it was tiring as always. i still have tons of documents to read" he gives your round nose a boop and kiss the temple of your head. you adore him for always being passionate in his field but you can't help to feel bad after seeing how tired he can get sometimes. you want to tell him to rest before he cuts you.

"and baby, how many times do i have to remind you to be careful? it's dangerous to go out at night, people are getting kidnapped these days" jungkook lightly scolds you, he knows that he sounds like the old people but he is just concerned. the world isn't exactly a safe place and he doesn't want you to ever get hurt.

"kook, he's a good friend of mine! i promise that i will be back before midnight and i will keep you updated. you'll let me go, right?" you beg while you randomly play with his tie as you wait for his answer. you don't have to know that it makes jungkook hard whenever you pull him close by his tie, he just wants to kiss you and mark you as his.

"alright, you can't get too drunk and you have be home before midnight" he defeatedly says and makes a pinky promise with you before putting on your loafers. like a good girl, you give him a hug and kisses before saying goodbye.

few hours passed and there is no sign of you. jungkook runs his hands through his hair as he painfully listens the clock ticks, it is past midnight and you haven't answered to any of his call or a text. he can't go to sleep without knowing your whereabouts, he silently prays that you're having fun and forgot to check your phone. soon, he hears the beeping sound of the door and exhale a sigh when he sees you struggle to walk straight and bump into the shoe cabinet.

"jungkook? why are you not sleeping yet?" you walk towards him and sat on his lap, you laid your head on his chest as you try to rest. he shakes his head seeing how your hair becomes disheveled, the black sock became a mismatched colour instead, not to mention that you smell like five different types of alcohol.

"did my baby enjoyed the party?" jungkook softly mutters as he unclasps your necklace and put it on the coffee table. he gently bounce you on his legs while he waits for your answer.

"mmhm, i met a lot of new people from different department. they're cool" you mutter under your breath as you feel your eyelids are getting heavier.

jungkook is getting upset seeing how you seems to forget about the promise. he becomes even irritated when he smells a strong male scent all over your body. being a wolf hybrid, his sense of scent is superior compared to the others. he keeps himself composed and cups your face to take a good look at your beautiful face.

"i'm glad that you had a lot of fun but you didn't keep your promise" his thumb ran across your stained lips and he slowly pushes it inside your mouth. he almost slip up a moan when you innocently suck on his finger as you stare into his orbs. it always drive him crazy whenever you do something so innocent yet his sick brain finds it sexual. this includes where you always offer to massage his body with baby oil, showing off your new skirt, and playing with his hair.

"kookie, i am so sorry. i-i forgot to check my phone" he already feel bad seeing how regretful you look. there's a reason why jungkook can't play the mean big brother narrative to you. ever since he was young, his natural instinct is to protect and shower you with warm love. no matter how hard he tried, he will always end up babying you.

"that's okay, don't do it again" he whispers and give your thighs a gentle squeeze before he scooped you into his arms.

"let me run a bath for you. my baby reeks of alcohol" he jokingly says as carries you to his bedroom. he helps to remove your makeup while waiting for the bathtub to be full.

"bunny, take off your clothes. i'll wait for you in the bathroom" he leaves to check on the temperature to make sure the water is warm enough. he silently thank god when you show up in a robe, he turns around and reminds you to be careful as you get into the bath tub. to avoid himself from staring inappropriately, he only look at your face. he starts by shampooing your hair with your favourite scent and washed it off.

his intention is pure, he wants you to get a nice warm bath and sleep comfortably. so, he left you alone and tells you to wash yourself. thankfully, you didn't hurt yourself in the bathroom. he smiles seeing you're dressed in his black shirt, he lets you to join him.

"kookie, please help me to put on the body lotion" you sit on his lap and fondle with the muscle on his shoulder as he apply the lotion on your legs. he slightly lift your shirt and apply it on your back and stomach, you always feel electrifying tingles whenever he touches you in that way. he is taken aback when you guide his hand right on your chest.

"you also have to put the lotion there" you breathe out. you are aware that jungkook shouldn't touch you there but it is so tempting, his veiny hands look so inviting.

"baby, i can't touch you in this way" jungkook replies as he quickly remove his hand away from touching you improperly. he assumes your drunken state has made you mischievous.

"but, you always do everything for me" your eyebrows furrowed in frustration, you need more of his touch and he just choose to shrug it off. what's so wrong about you wanting him to have fun with your body?

"that doesn't include touching you inappropriately, you're my baby sister" jungkook responds as he puts the lotion on the bedside table, he caresses your hair and give you a forehead kiss. truthfully, jungkook wants to touch and play with you but he considers that you're drunk. he wants everything to be consensual and comfortable with you.

"kook, i am adopted" you blurt out, jungkook laughs hearing you casually speak about it. he is glad that you are no longer holding any grudge against your parents for not telling you about the adoption. he remembers you being so upset and decided to ignore everyone in the house except him, he thought it should be obvious when you're the only one with a long floppy brown ears inside the house.

"baby, you have to sleep" he suggests so that you'll go to bed and forget about it in the next morning, he doesn't have enough mental capability to restrain himself from doing bad things to you.

well, you don't want to go to bed. he made you feel excited so he must finish it. you can feel his erected cock poking you through the thin fabric of his short, you know that he is equally aroused like you.

"kookie, what's stopping you?" you ask him in hope that he will give you an explanation. personally, you don't think that it is wrong because you are not related by blood.

"baby, you're not thinking straight when you're drunk" he confesses. so, he must've feel that he is taking advantage of you.

"but, i really want you" your hand sneak inside of his short and took his cock out. you give it a gentle stroke as you observe his reaction, he seems to be getting off with it.

you slide your panty aside and stroke the reddening head against your wet entrance before rubbing it on your clit, a shaky moan escapes your lips as you pleasure yourself. jungkook's nails dig into your thighs as he tries to be cool. it took every sanity and moral inside him to not just shove his whole length and fuck you into oblivion.

"and it doesn't matter if you don't put your cock inside of me" your genius mind works its way to convince him, he feels so dizzy hearing his well mannered angel speaks filthy words to him.

"no baby, i can't do that to you" jungkook ignores your eye contact and tries to push you off his lap, he needs to get away before his inner beast takes over his mind. he doesn't want to scare you.

"please, just the tip?" you pathetically ask him with almost teary eyes. he really can't say no to you, not when you ask nicely with such adorable face.

"fuck— okay, but you have to tell me to stop if it hurts" he gently pushes you to lay on bed before he gets on top of you. his heart beats with pride when you quickly grabbed his thick cock and put it right in front of your entrance. you are just so excited to have the first dick in your life. he gives you a light kiss on your cheek before he slowly pushes his tip into your tight hole. he panics when he sees that you're starting to cry, he wants to stop but you shake your head furiously.

soon, his room is filled with your wanton noises, jungkook no longer felt guilty. in fact, he had keep you edged for half an hour. you've become a crying mess and keep on begging for him to let you come but he just had to pull out and stop playing with your clit whenever you're about to come.

"you're so mean, i hate it" you whimper when he denies your orgasm again. you did try to touch yourself but he will gently swat your hands away.

"aww, my baby is getting so upset" he mocks as he massages your tits and gives the nipples a little pinch at the end. his cock twitch in interest when he hears your moan, he rubs your sensitive nipples and notices that you're getting even wetter.

"my pretty bunny, i should've breed you earlier" jungkook mutters and lands a light slap on your aching clit. he groans when you let out a tiny squirt, he had been denying your orgasm for so long that you become so sensitive to every touch.

he decides to be nice and put the tip of his hard cock inside of your throbbing core. it only takes a few small thrusts before he feels your hole spasms all around his cock, you just had your first orgasm. he pulls out and gives his cock a few stroke before he comes all over your thighs.

jungkook showers your face with kisses and praises you for taking him so well. he will regret this by the morning comes but that's not his concern for now. he cleans your body with a damp towel and froze when he hears you speak,

"can we do this again tomorrow?"

author's note: happy belated new year and valentine everyone 💖 this is user tete1995 and i changed my username to dazedkook, i actually started uni last year which explains my inactivity. i want to get back on writing this year so hopefully i will be able to post more, please stay safe and be happy 🫶